Watch What Crappens - #59: RHOBH Parody ReDub

Episode Date: February 6, 2013

Next Week On: 3.12 Lisa Wants Apology, Kyle Wants Commission See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Are you looking for a sexy gift for your Valentine's Day lover? How about some berries covered in chocolatey goodness? Sherry's Berries are the sexiest berries ever. Order Sherry's Berries. It'll pay off, trust me.

Giant freshly dipped strawberries from Sherry's Berries. Starting at $19.99. Over a 40% savings. Go to berries.com, click on the microphone, and type in WATCH. starting at $19.99. Over a 40% savings. Go to berries.com, click on the microphone, and type in WATCH. And for all you sexy listeners, double those berries for just $10 more. Dipped in white, milk, and dark chocolatey goodness. Topped with chocolate chips, decorative swizzle, and nuts.

40% off from Sherry's Berries. You just need the code WATCH when you order. Enormous, romantic, fresh, juicy, mouth-watering berries. Here's the only way to get this amazing Valentine's Day deal. Call 866-FRUIT-02. Z-E-R-O, the number two. Or even better, visit berries.com. B-E-R-R-I-E-S.com. Click on the microphone in the top right corner and type in watch.

Go to berries.com, click on the microphone and type in watch. Hurry, offer ends Wednesday. Happy Valentine's Day, lovers. Hey everybody, welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast dedicated to all things Bravo. Before we jump into this episode, we want to give mad props to our sexy sponsor, Sherry's Berries. Thank you, Sherry's Berries. We love your berries. episode we want to give mad props to our sexy sponsor sherry's berries thank you sherry's berries we love your berries um we love berries we love juicy berries please somebody say it in martin lawrence ballard's voice i love the juicy berries delicious so fresh so easy so ripe and easy to be plucked off the bone anyway again welcome to this episode. My name is Matt Whitfield.

I am representing for Yahoo! and joining me as always are Ben Mandelker from B-Side Blog. Say hello, Ben. Hello! And say hello to Ronnie Karam. And Ronnie Karam, you say hello to us from TV Gasm. Well, hello everybody and TV Gasm just sent you a big

old hug. Aww. Aww. A big juicy hug like Sherry's Berry's hug. A juicy berry hug. A big juicy Martin Ballard hug. I'd like to apologize to anybody who has a boner after that commercial. You're welcome.

You're welcome. Anyway, you guys, thank you all for tuning in once again. We are, god, we are well over the 50 episode mark moving into 2013 here. And we have a lot to discuss today. Well, actually, we don't have that much to discuss because the Shaws of Sunset and the Real Housewives of Atlanta were on hiatus this week. That Super Bowl thing, whatever that is. I feel like a much classier person for not having sat through those two hours.

I know. I think I've done so much with my life already. having sat through those two hours. I know. I think I've done so much with my life already. I know, right? So much more time. But anyway, we are here to discuss The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Vanderpump Rules, which many of you hate us for forcing you to watch. Maybe even a little Top Chef, but we'll jump into it in just a second. Don't forget to follow me, Matt, on Twitter at Life on the M-List. Follow Ben at B-SideBlog. Follow Ronnie at

TVGasm. Follow our show at WhatCrappens. And don't forget to join in on all the craziness that's happening on Facebook. We're almost at 1,000 followers and friends or fans or whatever the hell you call it. And it's just a lot of fun. I don't know. I read it every day and then I

realize that I've wasted four hours. Yeah. No kidding. That's sort of like what my life has become. It's like where did those hours go? Oh, I was watching some crazy Persians try to pull some pomegranate seeds out of the shell while spraying themselves with the car noir. That's what my life has become. You're so offensive.

Happy Black History Month, by the way, to everybody watching. Oh my God, it's a whole month now? When did that happen? I thought it was like a week or a day. Jesus, black people, just take the year. Hey, black people, here's 2013. Congratulations.

I'm proud of you. You're going to piss off. They're all going to blame Matt. When is Lebanese month god damn it when would Lebanese month be what kind of like things do you guys have I don't even know really I was very

Americanized growing up so we have like shave your back day but those are more monthly things are there any famous Lebanese people well sure like who Salma Hayek Are there any famous Lebanese people? Well, sure. Like who?

Salma Hayek is Lebanese. F. Murray Abraham is Lebanese. Salma Hayek is Mexican. What are you talking about? No. Penelope Cruz is Mexican. Salma Hayek is a Lebanese Mexican. Oh, a lepsican.

A lepsican. Yeah, she's a lepsican. No one cares about famous Lebanese Mexican. Oh, a lepsican. A lepsican. Yeah, she's a lepsican. No one cares about famous Lebanese people. Okay, so Ryan Seacrest doesn't need to produce a show the Lebanese of La Cienega. No, Ryan Seacrest needs to talk with his mouth more closed, because I'm really sick of seeing his mouth open as wide as his head.

That's what he needs to do. Okay, by the way, I just looked up Salma Hayek on Wikipedia, which is the source of the source of all things and she is mexican and she oh wait her paternal grandfather immigrated from lebanon that's it i thought it was way more than that it looks um no doing a lot of good research into her beiruts oh snap so guess what all you have is f murray abraham you lose yeah it's so funny that every that's just how lebanese people are you know if you have like a little bit in you everyone's like oh my god he's lebanese did you hear

i'm 30th okay i'm looking up famous lebanese people good luck with that um anyway okay before we jump into the real housewives of beverly hills andpump Rules, a.k.a. The Stassi Show, we definitely need to talk a lot of gossip. I have so many things to discuss with you guys. Wait, wait. I have a Lebanese star. Who is it? Keanu Reeves.

Keanu's levy? Is it his paternal grandfather? He was born in Lebanon. Shut your face. I don't think it's his ethnicity. I think he's just born... I don't know. He's a man of Lebanon. He is a man

of Lebanon. He was born in Beirut to someone named... a son of Patricia Bond, Nate Taylor, and Samuel Nolan Reeves. So clearly he was... Ronnie, when discussing your famous Lebanese folk, you might want to put him above F. Murray Abraham. How dare you?

F. Murray Abraham is now on The Good Wife occasionally. F. Murray Abraham is gone with the wind fabulous. He's on Homeland, and he was in Amadeus, and that's all that one needs. Rock me Amadeus. Okay, can I please talk about some gossip that's happening? Oh wait, who else is Lebanese? We're so friggin dumb.

The Maloufs, right? Oh my god, are the Maloufs Lebanese? They are part Lebanese, yes. Oh god. I'm sorry America. I would like to apologize to America for our immigration patterns. Lebanon has given us F. Murray Abraham, Keanu Reeves, and the Maloofs.

Okay, segue. The Maloofs. Adrian Maloof dating Sean Stewart, Rod Stewart's son, who is a former drug addict. How do we feel about this? There's a massive age difference. They're still all over the tabloids. Did we not discuss this? Listen.

Yes, we did, but they're still all over the tabloids and it's making me vomit. It's okay because Adrian Maloof is forever young. Oh, God. How old do you guys think that Adrian Maloof is? Ever young. Did anyone get my joke? I got it with the little red-headed boy

in the back of the pickup truck. I'm crying watching the Rod Stewart music video. I'm with you. Don't worry. Well, if you think Adrian's sexy, come on, people. Let her know. Okay, you can stop now. And by the way, Sean Stewart... Wait, is Sean... That's a different Sean Stewart.

Is he the one who overdosed by the Viper Room? Yes. He was on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. He's 32 years old and he's classified as a musician slash reality tv star well she really knows how to pick him huh she does she's a she's a classy man i mean lady yeah she's disgusting he's disgusting i hate them both i hope they get in a car crash okay i'll move on then let's talk about the real housewives of new york normally you guys they film the real

housewives of new york city during the fall and through the holiday season. But there have been a lot of rumors because they have not started filming yet. But now we're hearing that they've gotten the green light, but they're not going to start shooting until April. And I'm wondering why that was the case and if you think that there are major changes behind the scenes or with the cast. I feel like it's probably just some sort of contract dispute they're working out. I don't know if there are going to be major changes. They did a huge reboot. And I think if you do a reboot on the heels of a reboot, it doesn't inspire a lot of confidence.

And I think that they are going to try to nurture this new group of crazies and try to get a second season out of them. And we can all agree that despite the fact that the last season of Real Housewives of New York City started a bit slowly, the editors redid that shit and made it into crazy amazingness halfway through. And I ended up really thoroughly enjoying the last season. Oh, yeah. The second half of it was like on fire. Every episode was just like some ridiculous thing that involved Italians and, you know, charity events and proud dogs.

I was going to say, though, aren't we going to be missing? Milou is not going to be in action for the upcoming season. So isn't that going to be like a serious, devastating blow to the cast? Some girl will still be laying in her bed in her own sloth with some damn mangy animal running around. I wouldn't worry about it. And she probably still uses Milou's stairs to get into bed, too. Don't you have a feeling that Milu... I have a feeling that Milu has probably been

to the taxidermist and there might still be a Milu wearing a diaper in the bed with her, even though it's stuffed. Listen, I don't think Milu's even gotten that far. I think the carcass of Milu is lying in the bed with Sonia every day. And there are cobwebs over... The cobwebs... You might think she has one of these canopy beds. And there are cobwebs over... The cobwebs... You might think she has

one of these canopy beds. It's just cobwebs. Well, we do know that she's a hoarder and that she's never cleaned that house and that Hurricane whatever has still devastated it. She probably... She probably... What do you call it when you burn

something? No, you know when a dead body... Oh, cremated? Yeah, she probably cremated Milu in one of her toaster ovens. Yeah, she probably cremated him and is using him as moisturizer for her weenus back of her elbows. She's like, well, he always wanted burial

at sea, but a toilet will have to do. It'll have to do. And while I'm in there, I should fist the toilet to find my Blackberry. Maybe she stuffed a pillow with the ashes so she could sleep on it every day. By the way, you guys, some people don't like our dirty language on this show. We got a few comments about that last week. Some people actually like to listen to this podcast while they're at the office.

And to that, I say, what are you thinking? Last week, I did drop the C word, so I apologize if I offended anyone. You know what's so crazy? People commented on me dropping the F word, but nobody cared that you dropped the C word. I guess maybe when you said the F word, you do say it with a lot of conviction of, like, someone who's just angry.

You two bitches rile me up. What can I say? You know, look, I'm not gonna, I can't stop cursing for something that we're just yammering about bitches on tv for like sorry it's just it's never gonna happen i would suggest headphones or asking for office with the door we're like all a bunch of brandy glanvilles you know we just speak the truth we can't help it buck is just part of our vocabulary you know it's true okay okay speaking of oh but also you know? It's true. Okay. Okay. Speaking of.

Oh, but also I wanted to say real quick, I think that they probably didn't film until later because they cannot have two East Coast housewives on at the same time. I mean, that was just fucking obnoxious. Do you remember how stressed out I used to get? With two of those right in a row, that fucking accent over and over again from two separate shows one right after the other i was almost suicidal i'm really glad that they're at least mixing it up and giving us new york with i don't even care whatever else it is i hope it's just like miami i hope it's my they're gonna they're gonna attack new york onto the back of um both jersey and oc i think oh i'm fine with that

i mean i miss it because i want it sooner, but you know, whatever. I think if we're dealing with Jersey and OC at the same time, that's going to be difficult because I think we've noticed, we've noted in past podcasts, how they usually seem to pair one sort of like luxe sort of season with one suburban season, you know,

or cast, you know. I think Jersey and OC is going to be like suburbs east, suburbs west, and it's going to be like suburbs east, suburbs west, and it's going to be ridiculous. Yeah, I don't know how they're going to unveil the rest of these. Everybody's schedule kind of got messed up. OC typically tapes through the summer, and I think that they got a little delayed

this year. Who knows? It's probably because all these bitches are fighting for more money, and it's like, you are lucky to have these, and you're lucky to, first of all, get paid in the first place, and second of all, you're lucky that this is your only job. Yeah. Amen to that. Okay.

I have a few more things that we have to get through here. So speaking of the Real Housewives of New Jersey, Dina Manzo got separated from her husband. Discuss. Or do we not care? Question. Why do we have to care about Dina Manzo? I don't mean just this show. I mean everyone in general.

Why is she even still on the news? Is her show even still on? Dina Manzo? I don't mean just this show. I mean everyone in general. Why is she even still on the news? Is her show even still on? Dina Manzo, get the fuck off my TV already. You quit. Quitter. I hate quitters. Quitter. Excuse me. She has an HGTV show as well. Is that still on the air? I don't know.

And like, she has no right having an HGTV show. I mean, her interior design is like, let's go to Z Gallery, throw some paintballs around, and then throw it on a wall. And then stop by Tamara's Disheveled Castle and grab some fleur-de-lis accent and put those everywhere. I love a fleur-de-lis accented cookie jar. Her design show is a party design show. So she's like, I'll throw you a party. And she comes and does these theme parties. so she's like i'll throw you a party and she comes and does these theme parties and it's like oh you want a cowboy party oh let me get a

horse in the middle of your living room to shit all over the place and throw hay all over your furniture that's literally bringing a barn inside the house stupid get out of here well i mean maybe in jersey that's how you throw a party but yeah, I think in Jersey the barn is actually a step up from the house. Oh, snap. Then some fine words in Franklin Lakes. I would never say that about Café Stoke because Café Stoke is a classy establishment where you can get your face done

and have some egg salad sandwiches on the side. Oh, my God. I miss those dumb hoes so much. You have no idea. They'll be coming back without Kathy. Okay, a few... Wait, Kathy's not coming back? I don't think she's coming back. You know what? Why not? I was in a baking store the other day because I'm

on a diet, so I really am obsessed with buying cooking things, which I'm not using. I'm just like buying cooking things up and stacking them. Anyway, my point is, I passed these little cannoli rollers and I was like okay, a cannoli kit is basically a metal tube, Kathy.

Could you be a little bit more creative in your business choices? Come on! I support her. I support Kathy 100%. As a person, I hope that she does well and doesn't get in a car accident. As a TV person, get the fuck off my TV. Find something to do.

Wait, wait. Here's the thing. I support Kathy's cannoli kit about 30 million times more than I support Kefache. Because Kefache is idiotic and it's just a place where you get egg salads. But a cannoli kit I could theoretically use if I want to make a cannoli. Speaking of delicious salads, we need to talk about Bernie, the Maloof's chef, because he is now being sued by Paul, Adrian's ex-husband,

because apparently Paul thinks that Bernie had something to do with their breakup and all this bullshit. He's being sued for defamation because Bernie is releasing all these pictures that are accusing Paul of being an abuser. And Paul's saying that that's not true. And Bernie is just shooting back and saying, yes, it is, and I've got plenty more pictures. So if you don't shut your mouth, I'll keep releasing these pictures. And I've got plenty more pictures, so if you don't shut your mouth, I'll keep releasing these pictures.

And so Paul is taking all these texts from Bernie and saying that this is evidence that Bernie is trying to blackmail him for whatever reason. I'm not going to lie. I'm team Paul. I'm team Paul on that. I'm team Paul on that. Bernie is always a shifty motherfucker. Do you think, honestly, that Adrian would let anybody abuse her for one second? Or her kids? or the animals i mean bernie's just accusing everybody here it's just bullshit i don't believe that for two seconds bernie and adrian are like demolition the former wwf tag team and they are the bullies and they are beating everybody else up here's the truth and here's the big secret i just found it out adrian is a man and is having a gay affair with Bernie.

Ew. But Bernie's a lady man. Well, therein lies the complication. Well, Adrian would be a top, though. Oh, my God. Bernie would definitely be a bottom. Yeah. Bernie's a disgusting human being.

I hope that he's wiped out the face of the earth in some way me and Cedric should get together and just be done with it ugh god so many awful gays on these shows you know for a network that is supposed to be gay friendly they only show the worst gays possible yeah this is pretty bad

including Dwight including Lawrence including Madison Hildebrand Ronnie's favorite he won't even do the laugh Ronnie when including... Madison Hildebrand, Ronnie's favorite. He won't even do the laugh. Ronnie, when I say Madison Hildebrand, at this point, you should just automatically go into it.

I was trying to think of that Al Pacino movie where he plays a gay guy. Oh, Cruisin'. He goes undercover as a gay guy or whatever, and it shows the seedy underworld of gay people, and there's guys putting Crisco all over their hands, getting ready to fist somebody and this movie was designed to horrify straight people

about gay people and I think that's what Bravo is. I think it's like the modern day Cruisin'. It's just trying to scare people scare straight people. It's like a horror show for straight people. Speaking of horror shows, is the audio starting to sound like shit for you guys? Because it is for me. Sounds great on my end. Nope, sounds good. So, good luck with that Matt sound like shit for you guys? Because it is for me. Sounds great on my end. Nope, sounds good.

So, good luck with that, Matt. It's like you guys are fading away. Well, all the talk about cruising, Ronnie and I have now gone to a sex dungeon. We're searching for Bernie. There he is. While you're there, could you look for Kenya Moore? And I only bring her up

because apparently, this is allegedly, I don't know that it's true, but if anybody wants to confirm it on our Facebook page, please let me know. When Beyonce left the stage following her Super Bowl halftime show, which, sidebar, was boring as hell.

Wait, no one's going to fight me on that? I don't really feel like getting into a Beyonce argument at this moment. I'm really in a very good space right now. So my mind's really on Egg Salad and dragging Laura Hansen. Well, I didn't watch it because I decided this year I wasn't going to watch something just because everyone else did. So I sat at home by myself and I watched MasterChef on the internet because I had never watched it before. I mean, I had never watched a season.

You really took that pledge very far, didn't you? I did. I was like, fuck this. I'm going to watch me some MasterChef and cry over that blind bitch trying to make food. Now, that was amazing. I like your commitment. I appreciate your commitment. But back to Beyonce.

Oh, yeah. So when Beyonce left the stage, she was being interviewed walking down the hallway or whatever before the power went out, which I, again, blame her for. But she said – somebody was asking her some question about, like, oh, how was it to have Kelly and Michelle back, you know, Destiny's Child reunion, blah, blah, blah. And she, I believe, said that it was, quote, gone with the wind fabulous. Yes, she did. I believe that there's tape of her saying that. Is that not the craziest thing you've ever heard? That she is quoting Kenya Moore.

It makes me mad that now Kenya is going to be like, yeah, Beyonce quotes me. That's going to be her thing. She's like, I have made history. Beyonce quotes me because I've made so much history. Well, she looks just like Beyonce. I mean, you know, they are doppelgangers. I think that, well, I think that...

Like a man Beyonce. Yeah, Kenya looks like Beyonce's mom. Drag queen, older drag queen mom. Yeah. Her drag mom. With really bad butt implants. She puts the no in Beyonce, no. By the way, thank God that butt implants photo

is no longer our cover photo on our Facebook page. And for those of you who are not following us on Facebook, you need to get over there because we like to insert some terrifying photos from time to time, which garner lots of comments. But Kenya's almost took the cake. Wait, no, it's still up there.

And it says, this face will terrify anyone under the age of 14. Oh, wait, I'm looking at Adrian Malouf. That's Adrian Malouf. It's hard to tell them apart. So hard wait. I'm looking at Adrian Malouf. That's Adrian Malouf. Tell them apart. I can't believe I did that. Her face looks like a butt implant. I have some gossip, actually.

I have some human gossip that I collected by myself. Yeah, nice. I like it. With my own eyes. I actually posted this on the Facebook wall, but I was at the gym. Because since you guys are losing weight, I guess I have to try to do this too. You're already skinny. Nah, I'm skinny fat.

So I was at the gym, and I was very excited to see Taye Diggs there, which always makes me very, you know. Ben, he's 5'7". I go to LA Fitness. He goes to that cheap-ass gym. Taye Diggs goes there, too. I have no complaints. Come on, Taye Diggs. You can't afford more than $20 a month, fool. You're famous.

I was going to say, Idina Menzel could at least get him into Equinox. God, no shit, Idina. I would hope so. So anyway, of course my eyes wander over to Taye Diggs. Wait, because? Because why? Because I love Broadway.

I was going to say because you love black men, and then I was going to say, and happy Black History Month, everybody. Yeah, happy Black History Year. I just love Rent so much. No, so I was looking at Taye Diggs, and he's talking to this tiny little girl who I recognize her from somewhere.

I don't know where, but then I overheard her say something about the housewives. And of course, when I hear real housewives, it's like the cocktail party effect. I can zero in across the room. Of course, as luck would have it, I was just 10 feet away. So she's like, yeah, the new show, which is one of the real housewives. I'm like, what are you talking about? And I look, and the girl is introducing Taye Diggs to one of the horse faces from Vanderpump Rules.

Oh my God, was she neighing and kicking up some hay and some dust? She's like, look, I just did this great commercial for the Super Bowl. I was raised by this farmer, and then I was on a parade. I'm running back to him at the end. Oh my God, she's a Clydesdale horse. I love it. and I'm running back to him at the end. Oh my god, she's a Clydesdale horse.

I love it. Did Dina Manzo bring some hay in for her and call it a country gym? I was like, this is a gym in New Jersey. It looks like a barn. Dina Manzo's, you know, hanging up some decor in the background. And by decor, I mean... Honestly, at that LA Fitness

I'm surprised there isn't more hay on the floor it is like barnyard animals in there sometimes and Taye Diggs hey girl so anyway it was I think your name is Katie Katie Schwart whatever is it don't give her a name it's horse

it's horse number two it's horse one and horse two you guys get it together there's horse one has more screen time so one and horse two, you guys. Get it together. Because you know there's horse one has more screen time. So she's horse two. I will say in person, you know what? In person, she looked cute. She looked nice.

But the thing is she is so – More importantly, I need to know if she was working out in a – In a black. Napkin known as a Sir Waitstaff outfit. Well, no, because only Stassi gets to wear those. Those are her color. But, you know what, Erika, she... Not Erika. I keep on wanting to call her Erika. Horse face number two.

She's not even named Erika. I just want to call her Erika. Are all women named Erika Horshey? She looks so much like an Erika to me. I can't stop it. So anyway, horse face number two. She looks pleasant enough, but she's so far from being a model. Like, so far from being a model, like so far from being a model. And if she were a real model, she would have a nice apartment, not that shit shack she lives in.

There's always print commercials. Haven't you seen those JCP commercials? Because it's not JCPenney anymore. Now it's fashionable. And why do you think JCP is going out of business in 2013? Because of horse face models that are ruining their ads and bringing down their revenues. Yeah, and you know what, though? For a moment, I thought, you know what?

If horse-faced number two is the one that breaks up Tay and Adina, I will be furious. Well, as soon as you posted that, the first thing that went through my head is like, is he cheating on Adina Menzel with a reality TV star? Oh, no. He can do so much better. You guys, Idina is so talented. She and such a raging diva from stories that she would cut his balls off and serve them to him. He knows better.

He knows better. And you know what? He is a nice guy because one time, oh, my God, this all comes together. One time, I was at the Palms, and Taye Diggs came up. I was talking to Taye Diggs there because he was there randomly and I was drunk and he said that he thought I was really cool and I always liked him after that and it was at the Palms, Maloof

Lebanon's month Ronnie, doesn't this sound like this sounds like Ben might be stretching the truth a bit I know who else was there that night, I swear to God Rod Stewart Did Rod Stewart come up and tell you how awesome you are as well?

No, I wish he had. Oh, too bad. I went to Syracuse University with Taye Diggs. What? It's one big circle. One big circle. Okay, what's next? There's nothing left after that. There isn't.

There really isn't. but we've been on air for about a half hour now and we haven't even talked about any of the actual program so for the three of you that are still listening to this podcast it's called watch what crap is we appreciate that you're here and for the three of you let's talk about the real housewives of Beverly Hills hell yeah

meanwhile I think someone needs to send out a search beacon for Taylor Armstrong who's been missing for the past two episodes in a row. Which means, girlfriend? She was sleeping in a suitcase and Kennedy accidentally zipped her in there. I think that's pretty much what happened. I agree. I'm not going to fight you on that. She's one of her enemies.

It's been glorious weeks without that stupid ho Taylor. Thank you. Thank you, Bravovo that was a much needed respite from wondery this is black history for real i'm francesca ramsay and i'm consciously what do most people think about when they hear the words black History. Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that.

Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less... In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere

on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's industry's Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List,

Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost?

Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So, where do we start with this episode? It was a good episode. It was a real good episode. We had a classic Camille grammar going on here.

Let's not even get there yet because that's my favorite. She is my favorite thing on the face of the earth. But let's start off with I guess last week's episode kind of ended with the girls in Vegas. Brandy was doing one of her stripper pole classes where it's the only way she's going to make money because Eddie Ciprian doesn't make any money to give her alimony. So girlfriend has to go to Vegas and shake it on a pole. And so we started the episode there.

And a lot of the women were really hesitant to even spin around. Marissa is a stick in the mud. I mean, Ben, you and I were telling everybody how much we loved her over the past few weeks. She sucks. Yeah, well, I don't think she sucks just because she didn't want to get on the poll. Yes, she does. Anybody who doesn't want to get on the poll sucks. I thought it was the other way.

I thought anyone who gets on the poll usually sucks. That's a rumor. Those are business ladies. How dare you. How dare you. No, I like Marissa's head because she's like, what did she say? She's like, in order for me to be sexy on a poll, I would have to, I just can't be sexy on a poll. I like that.

I like that she wasn't trying to be sexy on a poll because you know what? She probably couldn't be anyway. You know what? She's not sexy. And you know what people are saying? They took to Twitter last night and during the episode or two nights ago if you're listening to this podcast on Wednesday

if it actually gets posted in time. Hint, hint. Oh, wait. Silence. Oh, people are mad. What? Anyway. That's the network.

I posted literally 30 minutes after we were done. Oh, wait. Silence? Oh, people are mad? What? That's the network. I post it literally 30 minutes after we're done. I get straight to work, and they just don't post that shit. They take their time. It's like, oh, it's past five. I'm not working now. Aren't we the number one podcast? I think we're their number one podcast, so we deserve to be treated

like a Vanderpump. Oh, my God. You're so getting fired from Housewives. That's what gets Housewives fired. I know, we got Jill Salmon here. Okay, so go on with that. Okay, back to Marissa. So Marissa was complaining because apparently a lot of people said that she looks like Alex McCord and she lost her shit. And one of our loyal followers on Twitter and one of our loyal listeners posted this.

And it's like a link to Marissa's Twitter and she's like, you people are stupid if you think I look anything like Alex McCord. She actually looks a lot like Alex McCord. They look like sisters. Let's not get it twisted. Marissa should be happy because she's the one with the better hair. Alex always looks like she just spent

half an hour rubbing a balloon on her head. Just keep it real. Shit gets real and I watch what crap ends. I make balloon jokes about your hair. Wow. Ronnie,

please start talking because I don't even know what to say anymore. Ben is best friends with Taye Diggs and he makes balloon animal jokes and now I'm done. Well,

I like Marissa because she's on my favorite show Selling LA so she can do no wrong for me and frankly i like when she said that i don't think that you know all these women going to these strip and pull classes like that's good for you you want to work out and stuff how about fucking running around the block okay why do you need to act like a damn hoe you have children stop acting like a hoe it's bad enough kids are pregnant when they're 13 years old without their

moms going off spreading their legs and paying to do it plus yeah no i'm gonna jump right on that and say plus these women are all hypocrites because you know they're like let me get on the pole i'm gonna be all empowered and even if they met a real stripper they'd be like oh i don't want that stripper around here you know they'd be like oh she's just a slut we don't right and i i love i love that kyle would actually be that hypocrite and yet she's best friends with somebody who wrote a book about her dead best friend. Yeah, totally. And you know what's worse than getting paid to dance on a pole for men? It's paying to dance on a pole with no men even watching you.

I mean, that's just pathetic, you guys. How is that empowering? I guess the idea is that you're not doing it for men. You're doing it for yourself. No, that's women trying to convince themselves that their vagina still works. Get some KY, watch some internet porn, and do it right. Stop wasting your time,

damn it. Run around the block. I feel bad for some of the empowerment shit that women have to do. Women should be empowered, but some of the stupid shit that gets thrown their way is insulting. They're wasting their money, too. They're wasting their money and they're wasting their time and they like Ronnie said they need to stay at home with their Ally McBeal

DVDs and their cats no that's not what I said I thought that's what you said I think that women should be fucking empowered it just bugs me that it's these they do these degrading things and they're doing it to themselves you remember back in the day when it was men who were degrading women

now men don't even have to do it. The women are doing it all to themselves. Cut the shit. It's not empowering. Jesus. Yeah, do you think we'd ever find Barbara Corcoran doing any of this stuff? No. In fact, what I say is these are –

Pause. Pause. Pause. Who the hell is Barbara Corcoran? Ronnie, please let me know who Barbara Corcoran is. I don't. I was just going to let it pass so I could pretend I was – Ronnie was just about to throw me pass so I could pretend I was. Ronnie was just about

Ronnie was just about to throw me under the bus and be like, yeah, Ben, Matt is so dumb. Let me tell you let me tell you about Barbara Corcoran. Is she from the Corcoran Gallery

as in the artist gallery thing? She owns like all the Hamptons. She owns tons of real estate. She's also the Ben, we are not New England. No, no, no, no, no, no. Just like you are. All of America knows who Barbara Corcoran is because she is

the lady, the older lady on Shark Tank. Oh, I love her. Now you know who Barbara Corcoran is. Yes, I love her. Never swing around on a pole like that. You know what women like her do? She's a strong, successful woman. They go and they have luncheons and they talk and they learn

about how to be successful and that's how you empower yourself. You don't swing around on a pole, Kyle Richards, they go and they have luncheons and they talk and they learn about how to be successful. And that's how you empower yourself. You don't swing around in a pole, Kyle Richards. No kidding. And who empowers himself by learning how to turn a man on? That's not empowering yourself so that you can keep your man from cheating on you. How might you stop dating someone for their looks and date a real man with a real job who will love you for who you are and isn't going to go off running off and cheating on you? But don't all straight men run off and cheat on straight women anyway i don't know i'm sure that barbara corcoran has stolen many men away in her time i know the gay

men do no well you know at least barbara corcoran stolen some men's money in her time you know she screwed a lot of people out of money i'm looking looking at her right now on the Google. God bless you, Googs. I love that Barbara Corcoran. But anyway, I think at the end of the day anyone on a Housewives show talking about female empowerment is a fucking joke. So all you shut up about your female empowerment. You're on a show that's degrading to women.

Okay? The only one who could maybe say it, and I could maybe believe it, would be Yolanda since she always has all this advice. Like, I always think a young woman should always get on a pole and dance for herself. I think it's the right thing to do. She'd probably tell that to her teenage daughters. She'd always have a heart.

She'd always grow lemons. The way to make a marriage work is to send a private plane for your wife when you want her to come home. I'm sorry. I thought that was the most romantic thing ever. Like, if i'm ever in trouble and at a dinner party where i want to murder everybody if my man would mail me or send a private jet for me i'd be like i will do any i will make chicken with lemons for you all day

every day they always seem to have a private plane coming for her like anytime something could be happening no matter what she just stands upright like a tree and i says well the private plane is coming i have to go it's's like Andy gave her a minimum of time that she has to be places. He's like, well, you've got to be there for at least an hour. And she's like, okay. And then the bell goes off. Yeah, her watch,

like the alarm on her watch goes off. Then there's another button on her watch that means you know, send the jet. I know. She's like, Suzanne Summers has summoned a cloud for me. I must leave. So we move. So let's move into dinner while we're on Yolanda, and we'll get back to Twitch in a second. By the way,

isn't the Four Seasons in Vegas off the strip, which I think is gross? I believe it is. And what were they doing in the Four Seasons? I mean, I was shocked. I was like, who is going to get fired at the Four Seasons for letting these women onto their property? And dinner?

And dinner in a hotel room? You know who stays at the Four Seasons? Barbara Corcoran, not Brandi Glenn. Yeah, you know, stay on the Strip. They're a beautiful hotel. I mean, there's some trash there, but there's some beautiful hotels. It's not like you ever have to leave your hotel. It's not like they ever leave.

You know what I mean? But guys,rian runs this town i don't know if she only owns two percent of one part of that town so fuck her yeah so let's move into this dinner so it starts all peacefully and of course brandy is such fucking trash that i love okay i'm sorry she needs to go she needs to go to Shut Up Mountain for the first time ever. This episode made me really start to hate her. Jesus Christ. Just shut up already, Brandy. Now, what are you referencing? Is it the fact that she brought up the 2%

thing? Yeah, no. It's because at the very start of dinner, everything's going peacefully and she has to be like, so Kyle, so you didn't know Kim was going to rehab and she's taking medication now? Now she's going to be an alcoholic again? I used to be Ronnie. Why are you being a hypocrite?

Kyle has done that to her five times already this season. That's what I said. I thought it was like payback is a bitch. I told her, you know what, now Brandi finally gets to have her moment where she's going to put it at Kyle. And then Kyle's like, I don't know why people have to talk about it so much. Well, how about Brandi, every time she went over to your place for a dinner she'd go there and get ambushed by faye or mauricio or the dog you know i love they're always one-upping each other i mean it kyle and kim started by being mean to her at a party then brandy called her a meth head and then it's like they just tit for tat tit for tat and it's boring it's over we all

know that kim's slurring on the phone we all heard her in the cab so let's just pretend she's sober and let her live a happy semi-drunk life but let's not act like kyle did not have a little dig to begin this when they all sat down to dinner kyle was like oh this is actually really nice you know i didn't think it was gonna be nice i was like why are we staying inside when we're in vegas but you know what it's actually really nice. It's like, shut up, Kyle. It actually wasn't really nice. It was nicer than my apartment.

So it worked for me. Well, having two private chefs in your gorgeous apartment the size of a house, I guess, would be nice. Well, they probably didn't go downstairs because I'm sure the Shahs of Sunset were down there eating sliders and pouring Cristal on their faces. No, they're totally at Planet Hollywood. Oh, yeah. This whole dinner was just throwing – everyone was just throwing a tiny bit of shit at the other. It's like they couldn't just sit down and enjoy it. Of course, thank God, or we wouldn't be watching the show.

Did anybody else notice that Marissa was MIA for the first 20 minutes? Where was she? Doing lines in the bathroom? Getting the stain out of her dress. Remember she spilled something on her dress and then she said Barbara Streisand taught her how to clean a stain out. And Kyle's like, Barbara Streisand has never cleaned a stain out her dress in her life.

And Yolanda was probably like, it's very important for a lady to get a stain out because you don't want the men to think that you're a dirty person. Dementia, please don't come in front of the men with the stain on your dress. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I am loving Yolanda and her conservative old school ways. She finally came out of the closet this week as kind of a badass i think okay we need to dissect a few more of like the mini fights that were going down

well okay well i was gonna say that a lot of the craziness that started actually was started by camille who we almost forgot how much of a shitster she was season one and this time she's like oh i'm just feeling a little blue because Adrian's not here and oh that's true she did throw that softball out there she threw that out there and then Kyle actually got blamed for bringing up Adrian but it actually was Camille who did it totally well I'm glad

I want Kyle to get blamed for everything because Kyle's the worst person on the entire show and I love Camille and as much as I don't know necessarily agree with everything Camille did in this week's episode she's still my favorite and i still miss her as a full-time cast member and she deserves to be on it more than yolanda or that stupid horse with the dead husband because neither of them have done anything all season long but camille's actually doing stuff you know i totally disagree i love camille in this role because i don't have to look at her home life i

just get to see her at the party starting shit or rolling her eyes. And I still get the testimonials. But I don't have to watch her BS. Look, I'm in a dance studio. Or look, I'm having to take a golf cart from one end of my house to the other end. I'm looking through my dresses with Dee Dee. Who cares about Dee Dee? I don't miss Dee Dee. You know what?

You know what, guys? I can handle it. But I will not take it. Oh, my God. And it only works if you say it three times like you're summoning Beetlejuice. I can handle it. But I will not take it. Oh my god. And it only works if you say it three times like you're summoning Beetlejuice. But I will not take it. That's like her new thing is to throw her napkin down wherever she is

and she says something very angrily and walks out. Oh, I love when she gets defensive. I love it. Her eyes bulge out of her head all cross-eyed like that. I love seeing some angry Camille Grammer. You wait all season for it. So Camille brings it up, right, that Adrian's gone.

Okay, question. What has Adrian ever brought to any party that's entertaining? She never talks. She never has anything to say. All she does is shush people and tell them they shouldn't be saying stuff like that. She also sends amazing floral arrangements that look like big piles of dog crap. It looks like lava spewing from the ground, except the lava is turd. It's just like, it's frozen, like, mid-spew, and then grew flowers on it.

Okay, so she brings up Adrian, which, of course, Brandy stayed semi-calm and just said, Look, you know, I loved when she said i like adrian look i like her it's yeah that was great yeah wait by the way to go back to your question what does adrian bring i'll tell you what she brings when they go with adrian they go to the palms and they get an awesome suite they get everything for free they get to go to jay-z concerts they get to do they get the sweet hookup and with brandy they're in a hotel room eating dinner off of the table that's why she misses adrian good point good point well that great that puts brandy in kind of the defensive again and at this point it's just a speech about you know blah blah blah she's suing me which is now her excuse for saying anything that she wants

that's why i said it i said that she's growing a penis out of her. But she's suing me! That's why I said it. I said that she's growing a penis out of her ear because she is suing me. To be fair, when she said that Adrian only owns 2% of the POMs, I actually did not think that was out of line. I think what she was trying to say, but because she couldn't articulate herself, was

let's not act like Adrian runs Vegas or Adrian this or that. She only owns 2%, so let's calm down. Yeah, because her family was having money problems, and they had to sell off a lot of their assets, including their majority ownership in the Palms, and that is a true fucking fact. So why is it so bad to state the facts?

It actually is not mean. I mean, Kyle's like, that's mean. What's mean about it? She's just saying let's keep the property. I'm sorry. When Kyle says that's mean, I'm like, what's mean about it? She's just saying, like, let's keep the proper perspective. Okay, I'm sorry. When Kyle says that's mean, I want somebody to punch her in her face because I'm telling you right now.

That's mean, Matt. That's really mean, Matt. That's really mean. Oh my God, now I want to punch both of you in the faces. Punch her in the face. She might have to do a nose job and go to Dr. Gregorian. Kyle is awful. Can we just all agree that Kyle's awful?

Oh, yeah. Kyle's horrible. Especially when she wears her Gumby jumpsuit. Oh, she needs to just all agree that kyle's awful especially when she wears her her her gumby jumpsuit oh she needs to just stop with that yeah that's it's not flattering in terms of her body shape it's an ugly color and it just looks stupid i also cannot deal with that ring that looks like a doorbell that it covers her entire index finger it makes me fucking crazy sorry i had to get that off my chest her I just hate her big innocent act. Like, everyone is just so mean except her, and she's such a champion of poor

Adrian. And all of a sudden she doesn't want to hear gossip. She's like, I don't want to hear, if you have something mean or good to say about her, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. And then what does she do? She runs right back to, runs right back home and starts gossiping. So poor Kim Richards with her nose and Kingsley her dog.

Okay, we're not getting to the nose yet. We need to still talk about the dinner party because then Camille, after tossing out the Adrian bomb, she then kind of goes a little bit after Lisa and says, well, Lisa, it's not like you actually own Sir. When again, you know, everybody has business partners in this day and age. Lisa owns 51% of Sir, but 49% she doesn't own blah blah blah she was saying that because lisa lisa called her out on the whole you know you knew that this was going to go on at the reunion and you didn't say anything about it or try and warn me which means you were kind of in cahoots with adrian that whole time and brandy told me the whole story and then camille's like well i don't remember all of that i mean i remember parts of the conversation. Yeah, I mean. Which, by the way, is, again, season one Camille.

Totally. Classic season one Camille. People have different memories. Why is it that whenever she goes to Hawaii, she hears things incorrectly? Isn't that where she was when the first season one blowout happened? Excuse me, that's exactly what I do. I start to, you know, I get a spotty memory when somebody calls me on my shit. I'm like, oh, I don't really remember that.

But then I love that in front of the cameras. I mean, Camille is such a bimbo. Oh, and someone brought this up on our Facebook page too, which was such a good point. She admitted in the reunion that she knew that Adrian was forming this whole thing. So it's not like they didn't all already know that. She's already talked about it in the reunion. Then why is Lisa so upset now if she admitted it in the reunion? Get over itisa so upset now if she admitted in the reunion get over it because she never really confronted camille because it was about lisa was so blindsided at the

reunion she didn't really say anything except to kind of you know stick up for herself when adrian finally accused her of selling stories but otherwise she stayed pretty quiet she was so shocked that it was all happening but of course she still held that against camille and obviously camille still hates her too because she's still sticking up for ad and bringing up all this shit you know i think that uh i think that lisa probably feels that no one has really come to her defense yeah but she's most disappointed in kyle which she should be yeah agreed agreed and i don't like all this you know kyle saying oh well she's a big girl she can stand up for herself. No, you know what? If that was ever happening to you at the reunion and someone was ganging up on you and no one stood up for you, you'd know that they weren't your friends.

And if Kyle was ever a big girl and could stand up for herself, she wouldn't have everybody else fight her battles like her husband, Mauricio, and her horrible, nasty friend, the morally corrupt Faye Resnick. Well, the thing is that she's not even having people fight her battles. She's having them fight other people's battles. Like, she has no battles. She's got nothing going on. Right, it's actually moved on to that. That is a very, very good point. You know, she has nothing going on. She just doesn't want to lose one rich friend over another rich friend,

so she's trying to play the middle. Okay, while we're still on Camille. We do need to talk about. Like. She and Yolanda. Then started to get sassy. With each other. Yeah. Oh my God. Yolanda.

Yolanda. Yolanda shut that down. Pretty quickly. Yolanda was the voice of America. In a really. Hilarious accent. Last night. She's like.

Oh my God. She gave a Kelly. Ben Simone. We talk about this. All the time. You said it five times, Kyle. Go, girl. Here's the thing, though.

I was actually clapping when I was watching. I hate people who clap when they laugh and get excited. I actually was clapping when Yolanda shut Kyle the fuck up. She sent Kyle to shut the fuck up mountain. Here's the thing. Because when Kelly Ben Simone says shh, she goes like this. She goes shh, shh, shh, shh, which is annoying. But Yolanda does it in just this quiet way like, just be quiet or else I will destroy you.

I really think that we're now going to have to compile our favorite shh in Bravo or in Real Housewives history. And I don't know. I think Yolanda might have topped Kelly Ben Simone last night. And I don't know, I think Yolanda might have topped Kelly Ben-Simon last night. And the way that you know that Yolanda is purely authoritative is that no one even reacted to her saying shh. No one questioned it. You didn't even get an interview with Camille being like, I can't believe she said shh to me. It was just like, she just shushed.

And then basically stood up and was like, well, my private plane is here. Yeah, see ya. I wouldn't want to be ya. But you know that whole thing was so annoying because Camille, first of all, the information that Camille had was totally wrong. Which, where do you think she got that from? Adrian. It was a total lie. She thought that Lisa didn't own that restaurant and it was just built for her show, was basically what she was saying. Exactly. A lot longer than the show has been around.

what she was saying exactly you have a lot a lot uh longer than the show has been around yeah but she's saying like you had this thing in the work and you're just the face of it because you're famous now or whatever and blah blah blah that was totally what was implied yeah so she didn't even know that lisa owned 51 and then when she when lisa said i do own 51 with my partners and she's like well what's the difference between ad owning two percent of the palms and you owning 51 here i'm really controlling interest okay you damn stripper stop it i was gonna say i'm really bad at math but 49 difference is a big fucking difference all right camille if you did five lap dances and one of those people didn't pay you how much money would you be out didn't you love how much brandy was be out? I'll bet you know that!

Didn't you love how much Brandy was joking? She was joking, but she totally got a dig in. She's like, oh yeah, Camille who starred in porn. Yeah. Well, I can't wait for next week when Adrian denies having sent lawyers after Brandy at all. How dare you! How dare you! She has no character!

Yeah, look at her character. Who are you talking talking to taylor whose hair is all over the place she looks like she did just crawl out of a suitcase drunk yeah with a sauvignon blanc iv yeah whose character are you even discussing and then you're the one who leaves your husband for some 30 year old drug addict shut up about character and lied to him lied about him in public about abusing you shut up that woman is horrible they are all horrible I think that we have come to the conclusion

they are all horrible we didn't even get to Adrian saying oh well I'm here working on my shoe line and my handbag line and Brandy's business

is on a pole you know like oh yeah well if she had hundreds of millions of dollars to hire Asian children to make and design things for her and all she had to do was show up and collect money, I'm sure she

would do that too, you dumb bitch. Yeah. So do we not even need to discuss Paul getting his back zapped? No, we do need to discuss Twitch. What Twitch? Oh, okay.

What were you saying? The other topics that we need to discuss were Paul getting his back zapped. I think that's all we need to say. As porn star attendants. And as porn star attendants slash nurse. And then we obviously need to talk about Kim Richards, the nose job,

the drunk phone call to Kyle in the limousine when the girls were in Vegas was so upsetting because we have heard that drunk phone call many a time before. Before they were going to, I guess it was Hawaii for Kyle and Mauricio's honeymoon party, before she missed the flight up to Sacramento or whatever with the Maloofs. she missed the flight up to Sacramento or whatever with the Maloofs. I mean, Kyle has received so many and Adrienne has received so many of these drunk phone calls from Kim and we got another one last night. There was no denying that she was drunk.

She was like, I think that I'm going to have a nose job. When? Like 20 minutes. I'm scared. I'm calling you because I'm scared. I want you to pray for me. Say, hey, Jesus, remember Kim?

She was on your first show. Help her through her nose job, Jesus. And you know that when she was having this phone call, she was hugging a silver frame with all of her children in it. While making chicken salad with her other claw.

One last frame to go on the wall. I didn't put this one up. Hey, Kyle. When I'm under, I want you to go to my house and dust my pictures, okay? And I'm going to take a Sharpie and make my nose straight. So I don't come home and see myself with a weird nose. Now I have a perfect nose. I don't want my noses to get confused and start crying.

Okay? Go change them. And meanwhile, Kyle, the underminer, when she goes and finally sees Kim, she's like, first thing she says is like, oh, no, your eye is really swollen. Shut up, Kyle. You know what would help with that? Maybe some meth. Do you need some of that? Maybe I can call somebody

and get some in here for you. I really hope the nose job turns out well. This is supposed to improve your nose, right? Because it looks a little big right now. Oh, no. No. I hope that, by the way, that Kim is training that pit bull

to become an attack dog to eat Kyle. Yeah. Oh, and the pit bull, Kyle. Well, you know these can grow up to kill people. Well, why do you think she got it, bitch? I dare you to try and steal her house keys now. Exactly. You send Mauricio over there

to steal another house from Kim, and that dog will eat his face off. Well, you know there's going to be a drunk phone call that's going to be like, I can't get out of the closet. The dog's outside. He's calling me in the closet. I've been in here for three days. Excuse you. Hey, Kyle.

Do you know if that doctor gets returns? Because my dog just stole my nose Kyle I gave some booze to the dog Cause I wanted to show him the planes at the airport I love the planes But he went and bit me instead I hope that that pitbull

Ends up wearing the blouse from Kim's Confessionals from last season Cause that would be amazing I put him in a bow Pitbull ends up wearing the blouse from Kim's confessionals from last season because that would be amazing. Oh, yeah. I put him in a bow. Now he's going off to prom. They go off so fast.

Oh, my God. I gave Kingsley a boot and ear, you know, because he's got a boot and he's got an ear. Nose, nose. He knows noses. He's a pitbull with a nose. He knows noses. Let's move on to Vanderpoop Rules.

Yay. The worst show on TV. We are so sorry. I am so fucking invested in this stupid ass show. You guys, we are so sorry that we are making you watch this or that you have to listen to the next 10 minutes of us talk about this show because it truly is the worst piece of garbage Bravo has ever produced. And yet I'm actually finding it to be rather fascinating the way I found season one of Sorority Life on MTV fascinating.

Oh my god, I loved that show. Which is that it starts off sort of like boring and terrible. off sort of like boring and terrible but then it becomes a great um examination of how people are awful to each other and how like how petty mean girls how they divide and conquer and how it's really like a battlefield you know because that's what's happened now that stassi has fallen out with the horse faces it's now everyone is scrambling for new friends and new allies and it's it's almost like watching survivor well i and i love that yes sir has become survivor island because the only other people that could they could possibly be friends with must be their co-workers yeah exactly well first of all here's i wrote a list on our facebook page already of the things that amused me um first is the fact

how quickly these people go into labeling themselves boyfriend girlfriend like literally like it's been a day and now Jax and Laura Lee who went to Juilliard I might add do we believe that do we believe that or not no we believe it I'm my mutual friend with Laura Lee told me

last night really yeah our friend we actually all know her but I don't know if I should say her name on the podcast because I don't want to get in trouble with Laura Lee. But we all know her and she was a co-host frequently on Housewife Hoedown. Okay, well I

think then we all know who that is. Yeah, and she said that she went to Juilliard. Laura Lee went to Juilliard. So that's great for Juilliard. So Juilliard's alumni are now part of the worst reality TV show in history. And they're part of the worst group of people in history. Right. To clarify.

Yeah. Like I'm surprised Hitler is not working at this restaurant because he would be like the fourth worst person there. Well, one of those guys has a Hitler mustache. That's true. You can already tell how much Ronnie hates the show because he is silent. Are you there, Ronnie, one of those guys has a Hitler mustache. That's true. You can already tell how much Ronnie hates the show because he is silent. Are you there, Ronnie, still? I am, yes. This show just makes my head hurt.

I'm checking my temperature. I'm actually feeling my head right now. Like, am I getting sick or is it this show? You may be because everybody that is on that show definitely has every STD under the sun. There are definitely a lot of viruses going around. Well, when did that girl, how old is she,

and when did she start doing meth? And how could she graduate from Juilliard and then become a meth addict? I mean, that's just really sad. Wait, did we know that she was a meth addict? Where did that come from? She said that she was a meth addict. Oh, did she?

Yeah. You know how they keep saying she has a troubling past with drugs and alcohol? She's a recovering meth addict. Oh, I didn't hear her say meth say meth yeah she said it at the bar she was when she was talking to jacks uh she was like is carol talking to you and he said yeah but don't worry they don't even know english and by the way we're obviously lesbians hello yeah i think so in this fact that they're like uh what were they bra Brazilian? I love that he wouldn't fuck them because they're Brazilian but not because they're like making

out at the table. Hello? But she's like well you know I'll hurt them you know we're covering meth addict here Oh I missed that one line I heard her say I'll hurt them I didn't hear the meth addict part I also love that they sound like Madison Hildebrand

Yeah well see that's how she speaks She speaks sound like Madison Hildebrand. That's how she speaks. She speaks almost like Lily from Shaz. No, but seriously, all these people like Frank and Stassi are now boyfriend and girlfriend when they've been hooking up for about three days. And now Jax and Laura Lee are boyfriend and girlfriend. That's like fourth grade.

Hey, you want to be my boyfriend? Want to be my girlfriend? Yeah, okay. But is that how straight sluts do it in LA I don't know I think it is I think in LA they like wait three months of no names before they have a conversation about so are we calling ourselves boyfriend girlfriend you know

I also liked how horse face number one invited Sheena to her party she's like well I actually always really liked Sheena I'm like no you didn't. You raked that girl over the coals. It's such classic mean girl behavior. They're like, oh well, she's the

biggest enemy of Stassi, so I'm going to befriend her. I love that. I cracked up. I lost my shit with that. Well, and then Stassi is so funny because she ends up going with all the losers at work. It's like, okay, great, now you're hanging out with the bussers. Yeah, the bussers she didn't even want at her party.

By the way, the most gorgeous bussers, I have to say again, most gorgeous bussers I've ever seen in my life, people. I love that half-Asian one. Oh, they're just beautiful. Well, the girls, too. Today they showed girl bussers, and they were beautiful. Yeah, but they're just as awful because she's like, ew. She's fat and ugly, and no one wants to be her friend. And Stassi, you were're just as awful because she's like, ew, she's like fat and ugly

and like no one wants to be her friend and Stassi, you were like the only one who was her friend and this is how she repays you. And then Stassi sends all these mean texts to her like, you're a horrible human being

and everybody hates you. Congratulations. Now you're never going to have a friend here. Yeah. Like, oh no, the bus staff doesn't like me. I'm going to have to fill my own waters. Oh, you've just horrified me

i actually i have to say i actually really like laura lee because when she read back all those crazy texts that was amazing and then at the end she goes and like saucy is like you know now everyone hates you and you're fat and ugly and no one likes you and she just goes i can live with that i was like that was pretty awesome. When are we going to talk about my favorite part of the show, which was called Stassi's mom going to eat lunch at the alcove, and by eat lunch at the alcove, I mean they drank a bottle of wine and they look like sisters and they are terrifying.

I know. On one hand, I wanted to compliment Stassi's mom for looking so good for her age. Wait, you should compliment her on having a child at age four. Yeah, and then that's when I realized. I was like, oh, teenage pregnancy. And Stassi, who was all high and mighty, doesn't realize that she was probably born in... Right, that's not high class.

She's in the back of a pickup truck in the bayou. Right, and I love how she's like, yeah, my mom lives 60 miles away outside of LA. Trying to make that sound glamorous. Guess what what people who don't live in Los Angeles 60 miles outside of Los Angeles is Barstow and it is a dump yeah I'd be like oh congratulations for having a mom who lives in Palmdale yeah I was born on the floor of a Carl's Jr. it was really glamorous like my mom went in for a slurpee she didn didn't even know that she was pregnant, and I pooped out on the floor. 60 miles away, that's further than Azusa, okay? And Azusa's pretty bad as it is.

Right. If you know if Skana, Sheena, Shana, Skrana is from there, it's bad. Congratulations for being part of the Inland Empire. It was amazing, though, when they showed that little clip, that little interstitial thing of Stassi being violent and saying, and when she's telling Jax, she's mad at Jax. And she's like, I will drag you behind a truck, cut off your arms, poke out your eyes, stick you with needles, chop off your feet, and then I'll put you in the back of a really gross truck. Really gross truck. That's how she crescendos. And drive around West LA.

She was channeling her inner Golnessa. Well, what I love about that is that in Los Angeles, to say you're going to be put in a dirty truck and driven around West LA, that is pretty much the worst thing you can say to someone in LA. It's true. That is the meanest thing you could possibly say. I love that she crescendos with a dirty car.

That reminds me of the first episode ever of The Real Housewives of Orange County, where Vicky's like, oh, you know, in Orange County, you gotta have a clean car. Everyone's always at the car wash, because your car has to be cleaned. I was like, what fucking trashy-ass people are these? Right. That's number one on your class list. Must clean car every day. Cut to her slave Don polishing

her Mercedes in the driveway. You know where Orange County is? It's 60 miles outside of Los Angeles. It's so true. Yeah, there was some other stuff. I loved actually when Laura Lee, when there was the town hall meeting at SUR. As if Lisa Vanderpump would ever

normally care about any of this bullshit. But she had everyone get together and air everything out. She put her malufuf down. She put her malufuf down. And I love the way Laura Lee went after Stassi. Stassi didn't know what to say. And then she was just very patronized.

Oh, it was great. And the way Stassi gets on saying everything like, I need to get off. I can't be working tonight. It's like, do you see it's like me with like Jax and Laura Lee and like everyone's against me. I can't be working here. Like, shut the fuck up. Get to work.

I can't get the entire world against you. So why don't you just throw yourself off a bridge at this point? And I love that. Yeah. I love that she's like, I just don't understand why everybody's turning against me. Because you're horrible. why everybody's turning against me because you're horrible. Awful, awful person

who will be fat in five years. And the sad thing is she's not going anywhere anytime soon because she's one of the many villains of this show, but the show is getting good ratings and that's why Lisa can never fire her. You know, this show is getting excellent ratings, which is so horrifying

and makes me want to move to Paris. I mean, they almost had two, almost two million people watch this. Where are you, where are these two million people? What are they doing? It's almost equal. They only drop off a little tiny bit from Beverly Hills. I know. It's like 1.7 for them and two

for Beverly Hills. Exactly. I think it's because, I think people are going through what we're doing, which is like, first they watched for curiosity and then they became invested in these awful people are going through what we're doing. First they watched for curiosity and then they became invested in these awful people and now we're just on board. I just want to learn about Azusa. Speaking of Azusa, let's talk about Sheena's performance and her singing.

I loved her friends, her cheerleader friends who were her backup dancers. Strippers. Karen Brusa on our Facebook page commented about Stassi saying that no one's had backup dancers since 1999. And Karen says,

um, really? That's news to Beyonce. Beyonce, who showed up at every venue with about 300 backup dancers. According to Stassi, no one's had them since 1999. Every singer, venue with about 300 backup dancers. According to Stassi, no one's had them since I didn't like them. Every singer, every major singer has backup dancers. Mariah Carey didn't

even dance, so she has backup singers. Everybody has them. Mimou can't dance. Even friggin' What's Her Face from Real Housewives of New Jersey had backup dancers. Melissa and also Danielle Staub. But I love Stassi can you auto tune my mic

yeah how does britney do this um she works every day at it and like takes classes and uh trains stupid and i love how they're like guys like you know you gotta really move around on that stage because the the stage at the Roxy is huge. It will swallow you up. No, it's the size of my couch. Yeah, 14 people can fit inside the Roxy. Newsflash. Newsflash.

Newsflash. I was going to say, I was going to talk about the end when Stassi was like, I feel like everyone in that room is against me and she wanted to cry and then Sheena comes up and gives her a hug and she's like oh my god we normally hate each other

but you're being so nice to me right now. Shut up. She should have essentially just said oh but the cameras are rolling and we want a second season. Well and I'm going to need to get back on screen somehow because this camera crew is not going to be following the bus staff around i can tell you that right now so

now she's gonna have to be nice to sheena to get back with her friends but to see her sobbing with her stupid horse face katie next week really you're my sister you think i wouldn't give a shit oh my god oh my god you guys we are fully invested in this piece of trash I know I barely feel like I even scratched the surface I should have written down next week I'm going to write down quotes because there's always so many hideous things that are said

it's awful and yet I love it now I don't I don't love it I feel horrible watching it but damn it i will be watching it again i also have to say i i for the first time i really enjoyed bravo putting up these like instant flash polls where like they would say something like is stacia super bitch i can see it be like two percent no and like 90 yes and you're like yes i felt like each one of them like supported my views exactly right i was like yes oh my god well do you guys have any other shows you want to discuss before we go

i just wanted to briefly talk um a little top chef we are getting down to the nitty gritty and um by the time you guys are listening to this podcast uh the latest episode probably has aired but last week's episode uh one of the frontrunners went home. Are you guys watching this or am I alone? Who went? I'm watching. I love it. Are you kidding?

Stefan went home. They're in Alaska. I thought it was a really – the season actually, the Seattle season has gotten really, really good. And I'm totally invested. I'm glad that Stefan went home, and now we are down to Brooke, Josh, Lizzie, and Sheldon, which I think is a great final four. I'm team Brooke. I'm team Brooke slash team Sheldon.

I'm team Brooke. I think it's going to be a shocker this year. I think that they're going to bring back Kristen. Well, see, she did beat Stefan in the last chance catch, and so, Ronnie, were you about to say that you think she's coming back for the win? I do. I think that they're going to

make it really tricky, because Brooke... She's not going to go all play. I think that Kristen has a certain skill set that doesn't... It hasn't really been met by the others yet i don't think except from the hawaiian guy and he really screwed up this week but i think that overall he's been doing really well but i don't know who really needs to have filipino food i don't know that

that's like really in demand well tom calicchio makes it sound like he is dying to have like a you know a filip a Filipino, a glamorous new wave Filipino restaurant. I'm like, I don't really see the demand. Well, I don't know. You may not see the demand, but if he opens up a restaurant... Then again, I only eat at CPK and Ben, you're a more adventurous eater, so what the fuck do I know?

I mean, I would totally have his Filipino food, for sure. Is that a euphemism? Yeah. You like that stocking hat, don am i am not into i'm not into him it was you know i really like stefano the or stefan i really like him i was kind of sad to see him gone because i really love his smart assiness i don't like i don't like i don't know he just got too bitchy with me. I mean, I did, on one hand I found it kind of funny a few weeks ago when they were having restaurant wars where he was like,

yeah, I'm not a front of house man, I'm a chef. I kind of like how he was like, suck it, Tom. But on the other hand, I really don't like, I feel like he's pervy and creepy the way he like kisses all the women and tells them that he loves them. It grosses me out. He's like the Richard Dawson of Top Chef. He is, like, let me get a mouth-to-mouth

kiss, baby. Here's a lollipop. Someone told me about Stefan. They went to his restaurant in Santa Monica and he came and was sitting with them and being super friendly and chatting them up. He's like, oh, did you get this drink? You have to get this. You have to get this. Let's get one of these for you. Let's get one of these for you. Do not tell me

he charged them for that. He charged them for all these drinks. I would have dined and done. Ever ever since i hear that story i would have been i i cannot like him even though he makes good food hearing that that's so obnoxious well when when it's not terrible he's made a lot of terrible food too so that's the thing you never can tell i don't know how this bacon guy is surviving scout this week he made scallop what was it scalloped mashed potato scallop mashed potatoes Is that what it was? That's disgusting. I don't care what that hat Curtis says.

And by the way, Netflix has Curtis' show, Take Home Chef. Come on now, Curtis. That's a cooking show? It's like the guy who won the last Food Network star. I saw him on that Best Thing I Ever Made. And you know what he made? A grilled cheese. That's what Curtis

makes me think of. But anyway, I don't trust him. He's talking about Curtis Stone. Oh, Curtis Stone. Oh, oh my god, I blanked him out. Co-host of the other Worst Bravo Show Ever, Around the World in 80 Plates, the biggest bomb in the history of the network. You know, here's the

thing about Josh, that guy Josh. I'm worried because the past few episodes, he's been coming on strong. But see, he and Sheldon floundered in the first half of the season. But whereas now Sheldon has found his groove, I trust that Sheldon's a good chef. But Josh, I feel like he's looking into it. It's only a matter of time before he cooks some tenderloin of pork incorrectly and then his bacon shirt.

And then it's like, well, this is what I do. I do bacon. I think that Padma and Gale will not let Josh win. I don't think that they see past the handlebar mustache and the hipster bacon bullshit. I think that he is very hit or miss. And I think that's why Brooke and Sheldon are probably going to go final three with Kristen when she comes back. Again, Lizzie is kind of good, but she's not a star. Lizzie, though, Lizzie could go to the final three.

Here's the thing. I love Brooke, but Brooke is a little prone to having a huge disaster. So she's really, really, really good. And then once in a while, she just totally messes up. So I could see her doing something like that. So does Lizzie. I'm kind of hoping for an all-girl finale even though i really like sheldon but i i think it would be awesome a to have another female winner because there has there's only been one which i cannot yeah it was

it was stephanie it was stephanie and i do think that they definitely want to have a second female and i love all the women i love them this show this season has had really really strong women i mean they went all out to find the best women that they could, and I really am rooting for one to win. But I do like Sheldon, but I don't know. I don't know that I want to eat that girl. I don't think he's actually top chef material.

I like him, too. I think Lizzie's really good, I think, to be honest. Yeah, well, we'll see, because when you really see it is in that finale when they have to really go there. So I hope we get to see and I hope it's an all-girl finale. And I kind of hope Kristen wins, even though maybe she'll be a little bit too big for her britches if she wins. But I kind of like that about her.

I just wish that she didn't have dumb hipster tattoos. I like tattoos, but I don't like hipster dumb tattoos on chefs enough. Well, chefs always think they're badasses. They think they're like bikers. They're all like high school dropouts, you know? I got like a fork tattooed on my forearm. Yeah. I got a handlebar mustache. I got a beanie.

Oh, yeah. I know. It's like, I don't know. It's like, I have coriander tattooed on my ass. Well, anyone who's ever worked in a restaurant knows that you do not fuck with a chef. They will cut you in 20 different ways if you mess with them. Like Bonesa. Yeah. They'll throw pans at your head.

They will belittle you in front of everybody. I mean, these people work 12 hours a day minimum for no money at all just because they feel like, you know, just because they really have a passion for food. A lot of them are like, I'm going to make a sweeping generalization, but I think a lot of them are people who fell out of high school

or didn't really, they're sort of like the rough and tumble kids. You essentially said instead of becoming gym teachers, they had to become chefs. It's like, yeah, you know how a lot of people who don't finish high school seem to become cops? They seem to become chefs too. It's like, not that every chef— Listeners, send all of your hate mail to Ben, not Ronnie and Matt this week.

Every time you watch Top Chef, they're always saying, yeah, I had a really tough childhood. I got in trouble with a lot of drugs, But then I started cooking and it saved me. Everyone's like that. Every single person on these shows is like that. I told you, it's a generalization. Obviously, not every chef and not every policeman is a dropout. But I'm just saying, there's a lot of

chefs. You know what chef I would like to congratulate right now? It would be the chefs at Pizza Hut because they are introducing pizza sliders. And our loyal listener, Nicole, posted this on our Facebook page, which you all should start following and enjoying. But Pizza Hut is doing pizza sliders. Can you imagine the watering of MJ's mouth right now? That will get her to do some exercise because we didn't mention last week that while she was working out that Mike said, run like's a slider oh and also I'd like to congratulate the lady chef from Applebee's who's made Applebee's food

that's less than 500 calories I don't know if I believe that I don't believe it for a second but I would love them to send us a gift certificate and I'd like to I'd like to congratulate uh Brian Malarkey from season three of Top Chef for making his face look like a big piece of wax. Oh, my God. Hey, when is that show on? What night is that show on? I think it's Tuesday. I think it's Tuesday night.

Thank God. I love that show. Do you guys watch it? Oh, my God. The first episode I thought was kind of fun. And the second one I thought was terrible. Brian Malarkey's face is what's bothering me. Brian Malarkey is horrible.

He's always been awful, but he's such a ham for the screen. And he's so not qualified. He is not qualified to be on that panel, Ben. No one wants to be with him. When they have to choose their chef at the end, no one will choose him. They all choose someone else. You guys, by the way, we are talking about the taste on ABC. That's okay.

We're branching. Here's what the taste is. When I watched it, it was an hour of this. Oh, wow, your food looked amazing. Gosh, this is a huge mistake. I should have said yes, but sorry, I said no. I love seeing that many things made, though, in that short amount of time, like all that food. I just love seeing lots and lots of food.

You look like a really creative thinker, and I love the way you think outside the box, but unfortunately, I accidentally said no. Sorry. Now I'm starving. How many people do they have to see to pick four? I mean, that's crazy. I know. I hate Brian Malarkey,

so it's going to be hard for me to watch. But Nigella forever. I love me some Nigella, and she can take any shit from any of those boys, including Bourdain. She can knock any one of them out, and I love it Mnagela. And she can take any shit from any of those boys, including Bourdain. She can knock any one of them out. Oh, no doubt. She does it in such a peaceful, calm way.

Still makes a little too much sausage for me, but I love her. There's never too much sausage, baby. I love that she's just so comfortable with being like a voluptuous sexy woman, you know? Just like Catherine Ireland. Yeah.

I like her to serve up some food. She's like, oh, how does Jacqueline make these croquettes? And those little dotted patterns like my fabrics. And oh, I'll serve you one plate, but I have to go. Lindsay Lohan's been in the hospital, and it's a designer emergency. Let's go. No, Ireland takes it to a whole new level of disgusting for me nigel is subtle about it catherine's like oh god my pussy needs this

workout from pilates darling it's like really please please go yeah yeah don't give this one any uh spinoff possibilities right here i think designer emergencies is probably being fast tracked at bra Bravo right now. No. Someone turn on the siren. There's a designer emergency. Things are getting quite heated. Well, I think that we're done for the day.

Oh, we definitely are. If anybody wants to find us, you can find me, Ronnie, at TVgasm. You can find Matt on the, pardon me, at Life on the M-List. You can find Ben at B-Side Blog. You can follow us on Facebook at Facebook.com and find us on Twitter at WhatCrapAnds.

And we will be back next week with all new shows to discuss. We do have The Real Housewives of Atlanta. We have the season finale of The Real Housewives of Shaz. The Real Housewives of Tehran. The Real housewives of atlanta we have the season finale of the real housewife or the real housewives of shahs real housewives of tehran the real housewives of tehran um and then we'll obviously have the big blowout that's going to happen on the real housewives of beverly hill and vandercraft rules yes ma'am and sir love you guys thanks so much for being here and thanks

to sherry's berries you sexy little berries and tell them you heard about it from us yes yeah you thought code you guys we need advertisers okay bye Say, who's this? You know, you know, you wanna call me back You know, you know, you wanna call me back You know, you know, you wanna call me back Hold up, I think you're coming out Hold up, I think I'm losing you Hold up, I think I'm losing you Tell me, can you hear me now?

Tell me, can you hear me now? Tell me, can you hear me now? Tell me, can you hear me now? Outro Music Oh, finally get you on the phone. And our connections are on. You're acting like I'm throwing you out. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more.

You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. A few days ago, Brooke Tudine posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and 3 comments.

Thumbs up, Brooke. Geico also wants to make a comment. In just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico. And nothing says inspiration better than saving money. Well, except for those posters that say things like teamwork, excellence, and make it happen. Hashtag keep climbing. Hashtag savings. Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.