Watch What Crappens - #61: White Party Lines

Episode Date: February 20, 2013

Also, Olive Makeovers On Shahs and More Evil Stassi See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast dedicated to all that crap we love to watch on Bravo. My name is Matt Whitfield from Yahoo, and joining me as always is Ben Mandelker from B-Side Blog. Say hello, Ben.

Hi, everybody. Unfortunately, you guys, we don't have Ronnie with us here today. He is at home vomiting, and I think that that means that he probably had dinner at Sir. I think that's definitely what that means. I don't think there's any question about it. So the other thing that that means, Ben, it means that you're going to have to step up

with even more of your hilarious impersonations because Ronnie is not going to be here to carry the load with you. I think we're just going to make Ronnie vomit some more. That's true. So, Ronnie, if you're at home listening right now, we're sorry, but Ben's version of Candy Burris will probably make you vomit because who knows if Ben is on yet or not, but we'll find out in the near future.

But you guys, before we get started today, we definitely have to remind you to go to our iTunes page and give us a wonderful comment. You guys have been so amazing to us. We have a solid five stars there. It's so much fun. And thank you for participating there. But also thank you for participating on Facebook where we are almost at 1,000 likes, Ben. Can you believe it? I know. It's so exciting.

And I also put up on our Facebook page some links to Matt and I, our Instagram feeds that you can follow, and Ronnie's Twitter feed. And then if you really dig deep in the Facebook page, you can also find our Twitter feeds. I'm at bsiblog, Matt's at Life on the M- m list ronnie's at tvgasm and those names pretty much parallel our instagram accounts as well so i actually saw an uptick in my instagram followers so thank you new followers i promise to post lots of stupid shit that you may enjoy yes thank you everyone for following us and by the way everyone uh this podcast is brought to you by audible.com the internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than a hundred thousand downloadable titles across all types of literature including fiction

non-fiction and periodicals for a free audiobook of your choice go to audiblepodcast.com slash funny and by the way don't go to audible.com slash funny you want to go to audiblepodcast.com slash funny so that way they can see that it came from this podcast. And then you get a free book, people. You get a free book. Yeah, exactly. So definitely do that for us because we need your clicks to do that. We need money, basically.

That's what we're getting at, people. So let's not mess around and let's get down to it. But before we get down to it with the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the Real Housewives of Atlanta, the trash that is Vanderpump Rules that we're obsessed with, the Shaws of Sunset reunion, and a little Top Chef, we do need to start things off with some gossip. Oh, yeah. I have a few talking points. Ben, should I just dive right in? Yeah, lay it right on us. right on us okay well clearly the real housewives of beverly hills is out of control right now we've been having so much trash with uh brandy versus the maloops and the interesting thing is brandy was actually on howard stern this morning and she was talking mad shit good as she as she should

right i love it when she talks shit i mean that's sort of just her talking like it's not you to even say that she's talking shit is like not even noteworthy it's more like when she's not talking shit it's like talking what's the opposite of talking shit like talking flowers i don't know that's it yeah exactly it's news when brandy is talking flowers yeah she's talking flowers right now um so there were a few interesting tidbits that came out of the interview and you guys should try to dig it up because it's actually hilarious but um brandy called all of her castmates the c word oh that's good because that's a classy and i'm not and i don't mean the word she didn't call them classy she again she again speaks the truth she again but the other thing that i found interesting brandy started to lay some dirt on the salaries

that are being doled out here to some of the housewives and the crazy thing is brandy you know was such an important part of last season even when she wasn't a main cast member that girl only made eighteen thousand dollars for the last season of beverly hills yes that's less than probably an assistant at bravo yes exactly and so howard was saying to her he was like oh well clearly they were like screwing you over and like lowballing you because it was a trial run. And she was like, yep, that's exactly what happened. But even this season, because she hasn't been around as long as some of the original cast members, she's getting paid significantly less than the other ladies. And the fucked up thing is there I said the F word.

So all of you people that are listening at work, you just got fired. You just got fired. Not talking flowers. Not talking flowers. You just got fired, people. Not talking flowers. Not talking flowers. So she's saying that she's only getting paid a little bit more than $100,000 this season,

but that all the other women make, the women that have been around the longest, like Taylor and Lisa, are making $250,000 per season. Well, here's the thing. Now is when my sympathy starts to sort of boil over into just, or harden up into just, uh, no sympathy because, uh, it's one thing for her to be making $18,000, but now that she's making like a hundred thousand, I'm like, you know, it's, it's cable. She should be so happy and just let it be. Here's the crazy thing though. I would have guessed with Beverly Hills's numbers, they average about 2 million viewers per episode.

I would have thought that these women made more money. And the funny thing is a lot of, uh uh reports were leaked last spring about how much the women from atlanta make and they make significantly more again the housewives of atlanta's ratings are significantly higher but nini is reported to be making 750 000 per episode plus a 250 000 bonus for just doing the reunion so nene's clocking in at around a million. The Beverly Hills Housewives are about at a quarter of that and Brandy's at about a tenth of that. Meanwhile, on Real Houses of Miami, they're getting paid in croissants and sawdust. They might be getting like craft service. They get some M&Ms, a few Skittles.

Right. And that's about it. And they're not even separated by color color yeah and it's one one bag of skittles to share amongst them all well that's all they eat anyway wow well that's maybe not for anna i'm surprised actually that those that they get so much because if there's anything that we've learned from this uh franchise is that they're probably pretty happy to fire people you know they don't have that ben you didn't even know but you just entered into or you just doled out a great segment i think i know what this is about go on okay so tmz is reporting that adrian is officially out of real housewives of beverly hills for the next season and that taylor's head is on the chopping block and that the replacements are former extra host d Devin and Rod Stewart's wife,

Penny Lancaster. Now, this is totes crazy because Penny Lancaster being connected to Rod Stewart, Adrienne Maloof, who now is leaving the show, she's dating Rod Stewart's Sean, the drug addict. See, my brain is exploding. Okay, so how, like, I don't understand so many things that are going on in the world in general, but right now with this show, first of all, why are they getting rid of Taylor? Taylor is turning, she's becoming the new Kim Richards, you know?

Exactly, like, Kim is now quasi-sobered up, even though not really, but Taylor now slipping off that slope into full-on drug and alcohol addiction is becoming must-see TV. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Like, every time Taylor appears on screen, I start to get that warm feeling that used to be reserved only for Kim Richards. So for her to be on the chopping block is ridiculous.

We need to have a full season of Taylor's continued downward spiral, where she forgets where her daughter is, she hops on planes, and she probably wasn't even on a plane. She probably was on one of those little bouncy things in front of a supermarket that you put a quarter into, you know? Exactly, and you're being generous because she was probably, like, sleeping in another Louis Vuitton suitcase in the bottom of a closet.

Yes, precisely. Now, Adrian dating Rod Stewart's son, that's an interesting conundrum. I don't totally understand how this works. I mean, if anyone should be on the chopping block, I hate to say it, it should really be Yolanda. She wasn't even in the latest episode. Yeah, I know.

There was no appearance whatsoever. And for the life of me, and we'll get to this when we get to Beverly Hills here in a second, but her and Marissa WTF. Yeah, exactly. Well, I'm okay with Marissa. You and I were okay with her when she first came on the show, Ben, but really she's delivering a whole lot of

nothing. I know. I would prefer to have Dana come back because she cracked me up. Don't even get me started on Dana Wilkie, but before we get to Beverly Hills, there are a few other things that we have to discuss here. Number three on the list is there is a new Real Housewives of Orange County trailer

that was released today and it is brilliant. Oh my god, why did no one tell me about this? Oh my god, I could have, oh my god, I would have spent ten minutes watching it. Ben, if you follow our Facebook page, like some of our loyal users and listeners out there, one of our fans actually

posted on there earlier today, and it is amazing, and all I will say is this, all of the ladies from last season are back, including Jesus Barbie, which, thank god for that, because as dumb as she is, we love her on our TV screens. Yes. There is a new woman, Lydia McLaughlin, in the mix. She looks like an emaciated Denise Richards with extra crispy tanned skin. Oh, good. She's like a crispy tan skin. Oh good.

She's like a chitlin, but the most exciting news to come out of the OC is Laurie back. Is Laurie back? Laurie Peterson is back. Wow. As a cast member or just, can you tell? They're not saying that she's a full-time cast member,

but she is definitely on screen and she is definitely stirring up the shit. Oh good. You knew she couldn't stay away for long you know she's a gold digger and one thing gold diggers love is fame i love me some laurie peterson now if only they would bring back lynn curtain and my all-time favorite gina kehoe i would be in absolute freaking heaven oh my god they should do once one crazy season where they just have them all back like With Tammy Knickerbocker and Quinn with the crazy wigs.

Quinn, there's that one woman who had cancer in the first season. The OC Angels, Tammy Knickerbocker's daughters who are all in jail right now. Oh my god, could you just imagine just a season where you just had all those women in one place?

We didn't even mention Alexis Bellino's former BFF, Peggy Tanis. Peggy Tanis. Exactly. It would be phenomenal. And they would all look the same, too, by the way. They should totally do a spinoff that's just the ex-housewives from Orange County. Because there's enough to fill up a whole other fucking cast. Oh, my goodness.

You know, every time I see the real housewives of Orange County, I'm always amused by the awfulness that's so close to us. It's so close, yet so far. And here's the other thing. Like, you know, Ben, you and I are on the same page. We're obsessed with The Real Housewives of New York and Beverly Hills. And now, thank God for season two of Real Housewives of Miami, I think that we would probably agree that Atlanta is not near the top for us anymore at this point. And Jersey is probably not near the top for us anymore at this point. I, from day one, have been obsessed with Orange County. And I thank God every day that it is coming back. I am so excited. And let me tell you, Vicky's face looks extra puffy and dimpled more so than ever before.

Well, we saw it in person not so long ago. Back in October, we saw, both of us saw her. We came face to face, face to piggy face. And clearly there's more drama because Breanne, what's her daughter's name? Not Breanna. Breanna. So Breanna is in some of the previews too with her new husband.

And the husband, I think, calls Vicky a bitch. And oh my God, the squealing and cackling and screeching, it's out of control. Oh my goodness oh my God, the squealing and cackling and screeching. It's out of control. Oh my goodness. You know, the thing with Orange County is that I found the past few seasons have only been okay. And towards the end, I get like sort of worn out. And then they always have an amazing finale, an amazing reunion.

And then months go by. And then when it resurfaces in springtime, like a little flower blossom, I get so excited for it all over again. Ben, brace yourself. Alexis cut her hair. No. Yeah, she did, and guess what? On purpose?

She looks amazing. Wow. There, I said it. Alexis Bellina looks amazing. You know, I hope they get rid of Gretchen. I'm so sick of Gretchen and Slade. Oh, no, no, no. Gretchen's lips are extra plump, and she and Slade are talking babies.

It's disgusting. Everybody go to our Facebook page right now and look at the trailer for the eighth season of The Real Housewives of Orange County. You know what, Gretchen? Her descent is getting close to Jill Zarin. You know, Jill Zarin used to be loved by the fans. And then now, of course, she's one of the most reviled people in all of reality TV. Gretchen, quite frankly, used to be awesome. And she just becomes worse and worse and worse.

She's becoming worse than her stupid home goods decor, which I shouldn't even bash because I've got a rug from home goods. I was going to say, what about Gretchen Christine Butte? Oh, my goodness. Or the plastic handbag line. Do you ever feel, Matt, like we're going to somehow... Become them? We're going to become them.

Because if you think about it, when this all started, it all started off in Orange County, which was far away from us, but it was still pretty close. And then all of a sudden it was in Beverly Hills. And then all of a sudden

Shazza Sunset is right on, truly on our doorstep. And now I feel like the next reality show is just going to be in my apartment, and I'm very scared for that. I mean, I don't think that we have an option. The walls are closing in on us,

and as long as Logo keeps the A-list, New York and Los Angeles off the airwaves, I just feel like we're going to be forced into our own reality series, whether we want it or not. I feel like I'm just drowning in it, and I think one day I'm just going to emerge with breast implants, cheetah print, and blonde highlights. I mean, that is me typically every Halloween, so I've already dipped my toe into that pond. Okay, so what other gossip do you have for us? Is that it, or is there anything else? Well, your favorite new song, Stay Prayed Up, courtesy of Candy Burris and Arpen Sapp,

is number one on the gospel charts on iTunes. Oh, I had no idea it was released. I actually really like that song. I really don't. But I love any time Candy attempts to sing. I prefer Fly Above All the Haters. But, you know, she's number one on gospel, so Girl got another hit.

Well, Riley likes the gospel, so I guess I can give it to Riley. Riley can listen to my song, because Riley says, pray it up! What is Marvin Sapp doing with her, or does Marvin Sapp want to get a hit outside of the gospel world?

Or does he just want to get on TV? I don't understand what is happening. Well, Kandi Burris is an acclaimed songwriter, and I think anyone would be so honored to work with her. Like country not-so-superstar Jodie Messina last season? Anyone would be honored, including Marvin Sapp. Including Mindy McCready? Oh, rough.

Did Mindy McCready ever do a collabo with Candy? Is she going to be singing at the funeral? I don't know. I mean, I don't put anything past Candy Burris. I wouldn't even be surprised if Phaedra was burying her. Next season, Candy's going to be like, I decided this year to try something different. So I'm going to do some funeral

dirges at Phaedra's funeral parlor and I'm going to write some funeral dirges at Faye's funeral parlor, and I'm going to write something for Mindy McCready. That would make her truly a Renaissance woman worthy of a Cynthia Bailey production. Oh my god, she could be Miss Renaissance. Don't even get me started. We're not even getting there yet.

Okay, before we get going on our first thing, let's pause yet again to mention our sponsor, to whom we're also obligated uh we but let's talk about audible podcasts or audible.com again and the audible.com uh slash funny uh link that you can go to to download and and check out your things so audible is this podcast continues to be brought to you by audible.com the internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than a hundred thousand downloadable titles let me tell you something

people let me tell you something this is an amazon company so it's legit so you don't need to freak out and number two they have andy cohen's book yes on sale for only seven dollars and 49 cents but you could download it for free if you would just use the link that we're providing for you and quite frankly um the fact that it is an Amazon company means that if you have an Amazon account, you're like already ready to go. Totes easy, no drama, get involved. Yeah, that's something that I found out. So now here's the thing. I need to download an Audible book and I want the users to recommend one. So everyone go to audiblepodcast.com slash funny and from there, pick out a book for me to read.

And then I'll read it. And I'll tell you how the experience was. And I don't want to read Andy's book. I read it for us. And trust me, like, oh, God, Andy Cohen makes me crazy. Okay, let's move on. We need to talk about The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. It was an amazing episode.

This season is really starting to pop for me i'm quasi obsessed and before we get into yet another white party we have to start this was a two-party episode so let us let us start with kim's big coming out and by coming out i mean the new nose reveal first of all this is so quintessentially beverly hills right now to have a party to celebrate the new nose you? First of all, this is so quintessentially Beverly Hills right now to have a party to celebrate the new nose. You know, I felt bad, honestly, looking at Portia and Madison. Is it Madison or Kennedy? I never can remember. It's Madison. It's Kennedy. Kennedy. One of those presidents. So the thing is this, I find it to be so disturbing that you have these little girls and they're sort of being taught that getting a new nose is, like, the most wonderful thing,

and that it's worthy of celebration. And, you know, here's the thing. Of course, once you're 18, if you want a nose, get a new nose. It's fine. But I kind of feel like it should be a last resort thing. Like, you know, if it's real, like, you should sort of like enjoy your i'm like asa enjoy your big nose you know unless it's unless you're feeling really really insecure about it but why like why introduce that feeling when you're just three years old we live oh well granted i mean

well i was just gonna say granted kyle should have left the kids at home but then i was thinking well she had to take care of kennedy because taylor was mia being a hooker on an airplane that was really not an airplane but these girls should have clearly not been there um they should not be wearing designer handbags on their arms either they're like toddlers it's disgusting yeah they're just awful little brats in the making exactly i mean they're gonna grow up and they're gonna all look like adrian maloof which is not a good thing but um you know where they should be they should beats in the making. Exactly. I mean, they're going to grow up and they're going to all look like Adrian Maloof, which is not a good thing, but, um,

you know where they should be. They should be back in the dust pile from season one when Taylor had her tea party birthday for, for, for Kennedy and all the kids played in the dirt. That's what they should be. And they should be becoming normal kids and developing their immune systems. They don't get peanut allergies and then be happy.

I have a feeling that, uh, Kennedy probably has every allergy under the sun. Thanks should be doing. I have a feeling that Kennedy probably has every allergy under the sun, thanks to her mother. I know, that's probably true. Anyway, okay, so we're at this party. Kim has actually cleaned up her house. Well, maybe she hasn't cleaned up her house because we didn't see the inside. We only saw the pool area,

which actually was surprisingly nice and less hoarderific than I had imagined. Unfortunately, there was no talon-tossed chicken salad available. Oh, so you think, but I imagined unfortunately there was no um talon tossed chicken salad oh so you so you think but i suspect that there was an industrial size bowl in the back room that she had been she'd be doing like i love lucy grape stomping in like not even not even her hands she just got full on into this barrel of chicken salad and was stomping it with her feet and mixing it all up i actually envision it you know how mama else on the real housewives of

miami she has like a box of rocks and sand that are her healing powers? I actually think that Kim Richards likes to just go get a manicure, then come home and make vats of chicken salad with her hands, and it's soothing, just like Mama Elsa's rocks.

Yeah, and then after that, Kim goes into some office and throws the chicken salad around to heal all the girls in the office. And then she stops by Aaron Brothers and picks up some more metallic frames to frame pictures of Kimberly Jr. Well, she puts pictures of the chicken salad being flung around various offices. I would love to see, actually, like on the Food Network,

a celebrity face-off between Kim Richards and her chicken salad and Lauren Manzo and her cafés egg salad. Don't even get me started. The ultimate Bobby Flay showdown would be the Café's egg salad versus the Kim Richards chicken salad. It would be out of control. Slash anybody that's listening right now, please make us a photo for our Facebook page. We need a new cover photo.

Chicken salad versus egg salad. Lauren versus Kim Richards. Yeah, exactly. And perhaps even bring it over to the taste. Maybe that would help that awful show. Exactly. Okay, so back to Kim's big reveal.

The always polite Adrienne Maloof. She kept throwing in her digs going like, your nose is pretty good, but you know, your doctor was pretty good, except my husband Paul would have done a better job. Well, you know, Paul would have done a better job. But you know, this looks good. I mean, there's still a bump there, but you know, my husband Paul would have done a better job. He's like, well, you know, Paul would have done a better job. But, you know, this looks good.

I mean, there's still a bump there, but, you know, it looks good. It looks good for an amateur. You know, you got Dracula for your plastic surgeons. That's all right. And once again, you're being generous. Her plastic surgeon is seriously fucking Dracula from Transylvania. He's really creepy. He's really, really creepy.

I think everyone at that party is a vampire now. I think he bit them all. But I will say her new nose does look pretty damn good so that was a great advertisement for that doctor it was you know it was a nice nose it was i didn't think it was like a dramatic change but it was you know it's a nice understated little nose and good for her for doing it she deserves it let her do whatever the hell she wants yeah um but i really think that the the the big uh the big takeaway from the party was that Taylor phone call. Of course, that's the big reveal.

That was like the passing of the torch. The fact that it was Taylor calling Kyle and that it was Kim hearing the crazy phone call. That to me was such a symbolic moment. I mean, I almost shed a tear. I mean, I almost shed a tear. Well, I mean, it's like the torch has been passed. So, I mean, when Kim looks like the sane person and Taylor looks like the crazy person. I mean, Taylor always looked crazy. But now that Taylor has taken that scepter and that crown, oh, this is just great stuff. Yeah, I hope she runs it. And I love how, for some reason, moments of true drunkenness somehow involve the airplanes at Van Nuys Airport. Like, this is the second season in a row where we've had

a drunk phone call about an airplane and the Van Nuys Airport. But this time we didn't have any video footage, so as we discussed before we started rolling tonight, I think that both you and I would agree that Taylor was not near any airports. Yeah, she was just probably on her

toilet. And I think that she was probably sleeping in a Louis Vuitton suitcase in the bottom of a closet in Camille's Chateau in Colorado. She's like, wow, this first class is really, really spacious. I feel really comfortable here. Okay, back to this phone call. The woman did not even know where her daughter was. Kyle clearly takes care of Kennedy all the time. I mean, yes, it was hilarious, but it was also really upsetting. Yeah, that's the

sort of thing you don't want to have on TV. That's the sort of thing that gets social services involved a little bit, you know? Like, oh, you have Kennedy. Oh, that's good to know before I head off to Vegas on an impromptu 48-hour sex-a-thon that's happening in my head. And by the way, none of the other women, including Kim and Kyle, knew who the hell she was talking about. Is this the therapist she's been working with? Is this a new man? Do we have any idea who this dude is that she fell in love with in the past 48 hours? I think it's quite frankly a one-liter bottle of Coke Zero. I don't think she... that she drew a smiley face on. A one-liter bottle of Coke Zero? You mean a a one liter bottle of Coke Zero. I don't think that she drew a smiley face on.

A one liter bottle of Coke Zero? You mean a one liter bottle of Coke as in the sniffing white powder? Yeah, and she used her finger to put a smiley face. He just takes care of me so well. It's so nice to have a door open for me again. I mean, whenever I've done drugs or gotten really drunk, I mean, that's how I act. I mean, there is no denying that Taylor is messed up. Yeah. I think that when she thought she was going to Las Vegas, she just went to Las Vegas Seafood Buffet on Hollywood Boulevard, which is a real place. And P.S., I actually would really like to go there. probably the only place that Taylor could get into at this point because now that she claims that she's in this zip code, she's not leaving. Well, guess what, honey? You don't have any money

and you just had to hawk your engagement ring so you might only be able to afford the seafood buffet on Hollywood Boulevard. I've worked too hard to get into the shrimp cocktail station to go home now. And the funny thing is she will be working that shrimp cocktail station next season

when she's no longer a cast member. I can totally see her being kicked out of Las Vegas seafood buffet. I can be like, hey, hey, I wasn't stealing the chaffer. I was just seeing how big it was. How amazing is it going to be when she is kicked off the show and there becomes like a side story where Kyle gets custody of Kennedy? You know that's what's going to happen. I sort of like all these weird people getting kicked off slash parental child things going on between Adrian and Rod Stewart's wife Penny Lancaster, whatever her name, and this whole thing.

It could be very interesting. It's getting really twisted, a.k.a. super interesting slash we love it um okay before we move on to kyle's white party fiasco where the hell was yolanda i know i was shocked quite frankly when the episode opened up and the music was trilling about as usual that then that sort of music i was like oh perfect i was i was like getting all ready for a our weekly yolanda life lifestyle yeah where i was expecting a fruit basket i was expecting a fruit basket. I was expecting a cameo by her glass refrigerator that I want to live inside of.

Yeah, I thought she was going to show up with a giant clay ball and her announcing, you know, it is very important for you to do your own pottery. A husband always likes a woman who can make her own vases, you know? Which is true, by the way. It's very true. Very true. And any man that learns how to make pottery

like Yolanda and or Demi Moore from Ghost will have my heart forever. You know, it's a shame I can only afford two kilns. You know, most people have about four kilns in their household, but we only have two. David Foster could afford four million kilns and four million horses, but her poor, deprived daughter only gets one horse

and she only gets two kilns. Or two kilns, and one of them her poor deprived daughter only gets one horse and she only gets two kilns or two kilns and one of them has perhaps been converted into a tandoori because it's very important to have all sorts of ovens in your apartment i was gonna say muhammad when she when she was married to muhammad he probably loved a nice old tandoori yeah he probably did although i think he might be more of the persian uh or middle eastern persuasion which is not tandoori by the way we do we do have some moments of cultural sensitivity here um very rarely but we pretend every once in a while okay so we don't know where yolanda was it was totally sad not to see her because by the way ronnie who is not on the podcast this week he's home and sick and vomiting and we're

really sorry about that we're not sorry, however, that Ronnie is a fucking liar because Ronnie every week says, oh, just you wait. Yolanda's about to flip her shit, and she's about to go off and make great TV. Yolanda has been MIA pretty much since the beginning of the season. She had a party with Suzanne Somers, and that's about it. So I got a little

bit excited when she got a little riled up at Camille when they were in Vegas, but I am not seeing enough Yolanda. And if they're're gonna keep going forward with her she needs to bring the goods or get the fuck off the show don't you think that maybe with yolanda there maybe there has to be something crazy that happens otherwise wouldn't they have just downgraded her to a friend of housewives or do they want to have david foster on there so badly i think that they really just want david foster in the background because every once in a while he'll say something either sexist or horrifying or he'll talk about barbara streisand and that gets like andy cohen hard so he's like okay let's

get yolanda on the show i don't know what the deal is but i don't think it's really for yolanda i think it's more for the house i think it's more for the grammys that are all over his uh piano and perhaps for their celebrity access that they're hoping that maybe the Fosters will host a party and they'll let the Bravo cameras inside, which if the Fosters are smart, they will not let that happen. I agree. I agree. So no Yolanda. Speaking of idiots who do open up their doors and let camera crews come in and film parties, let's talk about Kyle Richards and Mauricio,uricio um aka john turturro from the big lebowski i believe somebody posted that on our facebook page was john turturro on the big lebowski

he was okay well they are twins and they had another white party and kyle still sucks go okay here's my problem this is now the third season in a row where we have to see this white party come together and kyle freaks out oh my god there's no d's up yet. Bitch. How many times have you done this white party? Why is it taking you so, so much time? Why is it so difficult for you to put this thing up? It should be like, it should be like,

like an automatic process at this point. Just more white octopus. Get your like little white seats up, put the DJ there and just go. And if she were smart, she would have hired Kevin from the designer of Pandora's Wedding so that it could be she-she-she darling. Oh, I agree. I agree.

But they did focus... You should plan every party. I mean, honestly, like, he would probably do our birthday parties for $5. Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure. And they'd be held at Sizzler. Do we even have Sizzler in LA? Yeah, on Highland. Highland between, I think, Hollywood and Sunset or between Sunset and Fountain.

Oh, that's where Taylor will end up when she gets fired from the Lobster Seafood Buffet. Yeah, I hear that she's looking to pick up a second gig there as a line cook. She might end up there with Stassi after she gets fired from Sir. But we'll get there in a minute. Okay, back to the White Party. The whole—well, there was a lot that went on. Let's start small and then we'll work our way up to the fight let's start with adrian and her dirty ass skid marks okay this is one of the most disgusting details we have ever learned about adrian maloof that she has got so much bronzer on that she ruins every

white couch that she comes near now lisa of course being the past aggressive and i'm saying it's the best possible way, bitch. Exactly. By the way, that's a term of endearment whenever Ben and I refer to Lisa. Yeah. She was like, you know, she used to ruin a perfectly nice couch of mine with brown streaks, and I wasn't going to say anything. But then

she did the tea party, and of course I had to pipe up. I love the, I wasn't going to say anything as she broadcasts it to all of the entire nation um well guess what adrian deserves to get a lot of shit because she's disgusting and awful and here's the other thing if somebody ruins any piece of furniture in my house i'm gonna make them pay for it yeah and on top of that uh is i've never done the spray tanning thing but isn't that i have don't you do it like the day before and then like the next day like it's not supposed to get everywhere right it's really difficult i will

be honest um first of all it stains the palms of your hands and it ruins all of your nails um and it's disgusting and you smell like soy sauce however i'm like tell me the bad parts this all sounds great to me smelling like soy sauce can be a good thing, except if you are in the mood for P.F. Chang's and then you want to, like, gnaw on your hand. It's not good. But here's the thing. It looks better after a day or two after it started to set in. Clearly this woman is getting spray tanned and then just jumping on everybody's furniture immediately after. It's rubbing off on Lisa's furniture.

And you would think, hello, Lisa's house only has white furniture in it and or mirrored furniture. So maybe you shouldn't sit down. And on top of that, she also said there's bronzer. She's using bronzer. First of all, what woman uses bronzer these days? I mean, isn't that something like a relic from the 80s? It always, way to make yourself look like a carrot, okay? I am a horrible person who worships the sun

and lays out and likes to fry my skin and I'm going to the dermatologist and it's gonna be a bad scene for myself. But I actually do think these women that are so concerned with their plastic surgery faces never see the light of day without wearing like a massive sun hat or covering themselves in bronzer as opposed to letting the sun permeate their flesh. Well, here's another question. So Agent Maloof has like a spa, $30,000 spa in her apartment.

I keep saying apartment, in her mansion. Why doesn't she just sit on the tanning bed for 20 minutes and just get it over with? From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about,

especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less, and a little bit more. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's industry's Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound

eat or beaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever

dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Um, I am now starting to wonder if Adrienne wanted to leave skid marks all over Lisa's furniture because

she hates her. Listen, and I said this on Twitter last night, which is, as bad as Adrienne's skid marks are, I can only imagine what Faye Resnick leaves around. Because that woman is spray-tanned with an inch of her life. Now, I know that she's also black, but she's also spray-tanned.

Happy Black History Month, once again. But beyond Faye Resnick leaving a residue of lotions and potions, what else do you think Faye Resnick leaves behind? I have a few theories myself, but I'll let you start. Probably something gooey that resembles

melted nerds. Nerds? I haven't heard that in a long time. You know that she probably rolls around. She likes to get a dusting of nerds and then stand under a heat lamp and let it all melt over her body. It's the new beauty treatment. a nerd scrub

yeah what do you think she leaves behind in the as i call it on twitter her resnick do oh she is so she's you know what i'm not even gonna give her the time of day right now because she's so disgusting let's keep talking about adrian though and the house fire that happened across the street that i think adrian would like to peg her divorce on. Yeah. Well, so Lisa's house caught on fire and Adrian freaked out and decided to drive away, which I did not think was the worst response in the world. I didn't either. And I mean, Paul clearly cared

to take photos of the burning house across the street as opposed to rescuing his wife and children. But, you know, I didn't really have a problem with Adrian wanting to leave, but I think that she really wanted to stab Paul in the eye. I mean, do we agree that it was probably Bernie who started that fire? No doubt, because Bernie is the cause of all horrible things.

I mean, Bernie and Leon Rimes are the horrible causes of everything. I agree. And I'm sure Leon Rimes once dated Bernie, given that she has terrible gaydar. That is true. I mean, look at her ex-husband, Dean Shermet, who's a dancer with quotation marks around the word dancer. No, he's no longer a dancer. He is now, he went to culinary school, and now he is a poissonnier at Jean Georges in New York City. Okay, and the three things that you just said, I don't know what poissonnier or Jean Georges mean, but they all sound gay.

Yeah, they are gay, and they're also the sort of things that you would definitely want to have in a husband, so Is a poissonnier a fish expert? I think so. I think Because poisson is fish en France. Oui. Mais oui. So I think Zut alors, he's a poissonnier. Who knew such existed? He works at

a top restaurant, and he knows how to cook. That's what matters. Yeah, but let's be honest, I think he's more of a bottom chef than a top chef oh you're right that's very clever and you're right so clever here after a long day of work okay let's talk more about this white party um taylor said that there was a double standard kyle last year threw out taylor and her now deceased husband because camille had threatened to sue them or serve them with papers. This year, Adrian had threatened to serve Brandy with papers slash she actually did. Kyle did not kick the Maloofs out of the house. Well, it's just bullshit. Well, it's Kyle didn't have to kick them out because you know what? People were actually level headed

and they're like, you know what? Like we're're gonna be above what we were last year what bothered me was not that they weren't kicked out but that they acted as if it was a totally different situation and i hate the fact that they are hiding behind semantics and technicalities that they weren't oh they're not suing anyone we're not suing anyone but you wrote a letter threatening to sue and that's the exact same thing that russell did and how you could even say that not only did they say it's not the same thing that russell did and how you could even say that not only did they say it's not the same situation they're truly dismissive of the idea and being like oh no that's ridiculous oh come on now yeah it made me it made me want to slap them loose because clearly again it's semantics at play here and it's just like just own up to it

but the other thing that i wanted people to own up to was somebody should have just said guess what last year your husband russell was a creep and we didn't want him to come into our house because he scares us. That's why they should have said, you know, you really didn't get kicked out because of what Camille was threatening to you. You got kicked out because Russell is creepy. Exactly. to be fair and was sort of alluded to there is the power situation which is that if you have the maloof saying uh you have to these people are not allowed in the party then you're gonna you're gonna take the maloof side because you know they have you know that's that's all the money right there you know russell and taylor on the popularity scale are lower than adrian but it also shows that there's total bullies and they're just adrian is just awful you know she used to also be like

a bunch just terrible this terrible woman who leaves skid marks everywhere what i mean that alone is just disgusting i know could you be a worse type of woman i mean women don't leave skid marks except for adrian maloof i mean say what you will about jill zarin but at least she didn't leave any brown smears anywhere no she would she would leave something else maybe maybe ginger would leave a smear yeah but but jill z Maybe Ginger would leave a smear. But Jill Zarin would not leave a smear. Maybe some matzo meal crumbs everywhere, but that's about it. No doubt, no doubt.

Okay, so let's talk about this. The White Party became a hot mess because Faye Resnick was there, obviously, and all the sides were, you know, it was really Team Brandy versus Team Adrian at a certain point. The guys even got into it. Ken and Paul started snipping at each other. Ken this year, by the way, is... I'm loving Ken because he's defending Brandy against Paul on this episode and previously against

Mauricio, and I just love that he protects that woman. I just think that he's awesome. I love it. I do like... He's sort of like Jiggy, you know? Quiet and cute, but then will pipe up if need be. And I think actually what was great was that everyone was kind of ganging up on Paul and Adrian because, um,

you know, what, basically what happened was, uh, Brandy was sitting on a couch and sent one of her nameless friends, whose name was like Eritrea or Eritrea, or I think that's a country actually. But anyway,

this, they summoned, she summons Paul and Adrian over, which by the way, I don't think is the best way to handle it. No, she summoned Adrian over, but Paul had to go with her. Yeah, so they came over, and then they started talking it out. And to everyone's credit, even though voices did get raised, it seemed like they actually were making good progress, which I was very happy to see because, truthfully, this whole thing is stupid.

And then, of course, you can only make so much progress before the shark the shark start to circle in which case in this case it was lisa and ken and kyle and mauricio and taylor and they all came i kind of i kind of loved it though because taylor did call out adrian and that was a great moment and then on top of that you had ken taking on paul and and adrian as well. And I loved it. I loved that everyone was getting up on those two idiots with their stupid faces. Oh, I thought it was fantastic.

I was just hoping that Bernie would crash through the doors, you know, and like start attacking people. Well, that was great. What was great also was that Brandy was prepared this time and she pulls out documents, documents upon documents. We Bravo loves a document, a dramatic document reveal. D.R.D. It's like and everyone has to always be seated on a couch what happens dramatic document ddr excuse me revolution dance dance revolution the revolution is dance yeah um it was uh i loved it i love that she served them with these papers and they kind of didn't know what to say and i was a little annoyed because i think as they were reading it if if my memory served me correctly, that's when everyone showed up.

And I kind of was like bummed because I wanted them to sort of stammer and be like, oh, I see what's happened here. Here's one possibility. Now, rich people, when they're as rich as the Maloofs, I sometimes feel like their lawyers just do things. Like if I had a lawyer issue, I would know what's going on with my lawyer because I'd be freaking out about how much money they cost me per hour. The Maloofs are so rich, they just might have lawyers that do things for them without them even knowing. Yeah. So, I don't know. I don't believe it in this situation.

I don't believe it. They said that they knew there was a letter of intent. Okay. Well, then, again, semantics are at play. This fight is far from over next week is going to continue to spiral out of control but let us spiral out of control and talk about the biggest piece of crap on tv that we are all watching vanderpump rules oh my goodness this show is such a loathsome awful show and yet i am totally hooked on it i'm so glad that next week is the

season finale because i don't want to have to keep on explaining to people oh it's this awful show but you kind of should watch it you know i know like my credibility is already shot i can't keep talking about this week after week so we only have one more episode but right now let's talk about how disgusting stassi is stassi is really one of the most loathsome people i hate to keep on using that word loathsome all over and over again she makes hitler look like a nice guy like oh no like hitler is like hitler is like a mother theresa compared to stassi and i am not even exaggerating i'm not even using hyperbole i really think she is just one of the most terrible people i've ever seen on tv and i was actually thinking the other day that if i saw her on the streets

of hollywood which is very possible because they all shoot their show directly around our condos, Ben. Yes. But I honestly think that I would be that crazy reality TV viewer that would actually go up to her on the side of the road and say, you disgust me. Like, I think that I'm that pissed off that I would say something so inappropriate like that to a stranger on the side of the road. I think I hate her more than spencer pratt i think i hate her more than uh heidi montag because with heidi you got the sense that she's just so dumb and naive she's just going along with whatever spencer's doing and spencer you get the sense that he is an asshole but he's kind of right and in fact i actually met uh spencer and heidi a few years ago and uh they were let me guess were you at that mexican

restaurant on la cienega uh no i was not i was no they would they went to don antonio's in santa monica and it's oh glam restaurant no it is great i actually went there because of them and i was like oh my god i am hooked it's my it's like my favorite mexican restaurant no joke but um i hung out with them for some random reason i spent like an afternoon with them and uh they're not great they're not great people but but spencer you at least get the sense that he's actually smart in his own weird way you know and i'll give him that but stassi but a chin implant okay and proven by visiting with her parents on last week's episode you know this girl who thinks that she's high class and sophisticated is nothing but pure garbage she is and in fact i was thinking as i was watching the episode that we should arrange

or start some sort of wonderful campaign where if you get stuck at her station uh and uh sir or one of our tables like either don't tip her or tip her very little. And I would love to see her tips go down as a result of this. Because originally I was like people should request to not be at her station. But then I thought, you know, if she gets low tips, that actually might cause her to change her behavior. I don't know about that because she is the devil and people that are the devil cannot really change their devil behavior. Well, I don't know about that because she is the devil and people that are the devil cannot really change their devil behavior. Well, I don't know. At this moment, I like to sort of subscribe to some ultra-capitalist... Revenge schemes.

Yeah, a scheme where I think that money will make anything go. It's a very libertarian thing, right? I was going to say you're so Madeline Stowe right now and I'm enjoying it. Yeah, like, you know, if there's one thing that can change Stassi, it won't be like self-awareness. It's money. Okay. I have a really important question for you. Do you think that Stassi's puppy, when it escapes from her arms, would rather run into oncoming traffic or remain in her home?

Because if I were the dog, I would run in front of a bus. It would certainly run in front of a bus. You saw the way that dog was trembling. It wasn't because it was cold. It just knew because it was, it was trembling because it was being held in the claws of the devil. You know like how dogs can sense evil? Exactly. That puppy was so scared that it couldn't even bark because it knew it was being clutched by Lucifer herself.

Yeah, it was like it knew its soul was leaving its body every day. It's like, I'm such a cute puppy. How could this be happening to me? How could I be winding up in the hands of the most evil person in the entire world? I don't know. I don't know. I have a few other bullet points here. This show is so disgusting, but let's

just talk about a few of these other bullets because we do have to move on because we are running long. Okay. The guys working out. What was that about? Well, that was, I mean, they're just ridiculous. I mean, i've seen people working on those bars and everything and they tend to be a lot more jacked than those guys these guys are all idiots and jacks is the ringleader of the idiots because you know this

jacks let's just get into jack's storyline here which is that um he used to be really into lorelei or lorelei lorelei lorelei not lorelei Gilmore. Don't get it twisted. Sorry. So Lorelei, and then she announces last week that she, he's not only the most attractive guy she's ever dated, but that she really likes him. At which point he started to become the typical Hollywood douchebag. I was like,

this is happening too quickly. And then she made the dumb mistake of dragging him to her like Narcotics Anonymous. Okay, okay excuse me but if any gay dudes are listening to this show right now and you want to date me do yourselves a favor and don't let me know that you started drinking at age 12 and got addicted to meth at age 13 because guess what i'm a gonna think that all of your teeth are gonna fall out and b it's not gonna happen yeah and especially when you're still struggling with sobriety, like if you've had a relapse six days prior, I think you don't want to necessarily bring your super hot,

superficial boyfriend to something like this. You need to have like two years under the belt before you do that. And so under, so unsurprisingly, after being stuck in this recovery meeting, after being stuck in this recovery meeting, Jax is like, maybe this is a bad time, but I kind of think that we should slow down everything. How amazing was his timing? You've just bawled your eyes out.

We've been at therapy together. You just told me that you've only been sober for six days, but I want to break up with you. I know. That was hideous. This guy is such a dog. Not only does he look like a dog in the face, but he actually is a dog. And I feel like he's one of many of these guys here in Hollywood.

And for him to do that right on the heels of a recovery meeting was, to me, one of the most douchebaggy things I've seen on reality TV. But were you complaining when they went to the sweat garage or whatever it was called and he was all toweled up and looking all sweaty? You were enjoying that. I did enjoy that. I won't lie. I did too. I did a little rewind to see if there was a peek up that towel but I didn't see anything. I did enjoy it and I've seen Jax in a

towel at LA Fitness and it looks good in person but I'm telling you, his face, honestly, I don't even find his face attractive anymore, especially when he has his, like, semi-beard that's not really there. He just looks dirty. He's kind of like a dirty, busted bull mastiff, actually. Yeah, exactly.

So then fast forward to, I don't know, all of a sudden we break into a scene where Jax is now crying and decides that he loves Stassi again. So he pulls Stassi to the side, in the middle of the work night, by the way, and they have this long conversation where he just begs and pleads to have her back in his life. And it's the most pathetic thing we've seen since the last pathetic thing that happened on this show. I was going to say, since five minutes prior, and they were all being pathetic and disgusting. And I don't know. I just don't understand why anybody would want to be with him or why anybody would want to be with Stassi or anybody would want to be with Laura Lee or any of the people on this cast.

They're all vile. At least I don't feel like Laura Lee is vile, though. But I definitely would not go near her. Ben, she is totes insane. Did you see the way she was acting when jack's serving drinks to those customers my god to me that was one of the most amazing monologues we've seen in the past nine months because when she gets up there in front of people i start saying yeah like yeah my boyfriend who used to have unprotected unprotected sex with me every single day all of a sudden decides to defriend me on facebook that's the way of breaking up with me I was like

yes you are crazy but you should call him out like that it was such an amazing monologue I feel like she was practicing it for at least because she's an actress I feel like she was practicing it for at least two days and it was kind of like a bizarre combo of Amanda Woodward from Melrose

Place meets Sue Hawks speech from Survivor Season 1. Like the perfect mashup of those two. And it made for amazing gifs. And I rewound it like five times because it was one of the best quotes ever. Oh, I agree entirely. And then when she said,

and someday when I land on a TV show and I'm walking a red carpet, you will regret it. And then he was like, uh, no, I won't. And by the way,

of course, then there's the whole meta quality of the fact that this is being said on a TV show. But man, I loved her crazy. I also loved when she approached Stassi earlier and confronted Stassi about being a bitch. And then Stassi was being just,

Stassi was so just, again, the biggest cunt ever. So evil. Like, Ben, have you ever met a girl that could be that mean? I have, honestly, I really have not. She slayed Laura Lee by barely saying anything except, you're pathetic, and it cut to the bone. I know. That's the thing with Stassi is that she can be evil in two different ways she could be evil and that she can uh berate someone and be a nag and be and then be a victim and talk down to them but then she can also smile at someone and be totally condescending and say things like you're pathetic it it makes me so angry like she's such a terrible person and

then you know, when she was on the rooftop of the Andaz, Oh, you mean when she was having a pool party and not doing her job, which is a fashion blogger? Please, bitch. I would love to read one of her columns. No, let's not give her any page traffic. I'm sure there's a lot of their, their, their issues

and your and your issues. I'm just going to put that out there right now. I'm sure she spells definitely with an A. I'm sure she says supposedly. I'm sure she spells definitely with an A. I'm sure she says supposedly. I'm sure she says irregardless. And I feel like the word literally might be every three words. Absolutely. We have to look up one of her columns.

But when Kristen came in with a horse face and totally ignored her, I didn't know whether to be happy that Stassi was being ignored or just to hate myself for indulging in this all-around cunty behavior by all these girls. I loved when that pony sashayed in in her platform sandal and just ignored her. Yeah.

She's like, I had so many drinks last night. They're such idiots. I hate them all. Okay. There was one other moment. I don them all. Okay, there was one other moment. I don't know. Whoever edits the show together just clearly needs to win no awards because then it was

like cut to randomly Sheena, Sheena, Shauna, wherever the hell she's from. Where is she from again? I love when you say it. Azusa. Ugh, the garbage capital of the universe. Anyway, it was like cutting to her having a screaming fit.

I mean, these people are all bipolar. She's like, I skipped a really important audition to come in to do Lisa's party. For what? Oh my god. I'm like, listen, Sheena, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you weren't going to get it anyway.

Yeah, sorry, honey. I think that the casting couch whole thing, they were probably like, no, sorry, we don't even want you to blow us. She's like, it was me and Gillian Moore and Mery meryl sheep and i had to skip it i was gonna land that um okay let's move on because i don't even have the energy to talk about lisa berating stassi when she was all snotty and like she needed a kleenex but she just kept using her hand and i was gonna vomit and i had to turn the channel oh Oh, yeah. It's just, it's an awful show.

I'm totally invested. Jax is terrible and Laura Lee's closing monologue was legendary. And the good news is we do have the season finale next week, thank God, and they're doing a sexy pool shoot. So we do get to at least see the guys and check out their packages to see if there's anything going on. Yeah. Speaking of sexy,'s move uh over to

tarantulas let's go let's go let's move down santa monica boulevard out of west hollywood through beverly hills and into westwood for the shahs at sunset reunion part one we'll staying on the on the topic of packages let's discuss this i posted on the facebook page and it was brought up during reunion part one mike in play in Playgirl. What is that about? Look, I'm going to look at the pictures. Oh, I am too. I love how people on Facebook were like, oh, you guys, you can't deny that you're definitely going to check him out. I never said I wasn't

going to check him out. Don't get it twisted. I just didn't know if straight women cared to check them out. Here's the thing with Mike. He does have a nice smile. He does have a nice smile. His body, and look, I like muscular muscular guys and i like meatheads but all that stuff but his body is just stumpy uh you know it looks like a looks like a big old square he looks like a square version of the michelin man you know instead of like rolls he just sort of has blocks

yeah he's like a block he's blocky and lumpy and i mean not he's not toned or defined and you know he's just very no i mean he kind of has like judice belly where it's kind of like yeah there might be some muscle there but it's also rotund yeah and i i would doubt it if he was taller than my uh my poang chair from ikea i think i was just i was staring at a chair in my room and i was like i he's not taller than this chair yeah he has that he has that sort of like munchkin look to him. I find it all very unattractive.

We're still going to check it out. I have a feeling he's not going to show the goods, though. I don't think so, either. I don't think he would be allowed to with his family and the Persian community. What is it called? The Dudu Tal? Yeah, the golden penis. The Dudu Tal. Well, I'd rather see his um than than reza's because reza is disgusting as we've established many times before but let's

talk about reza and mj and their friendship deteriorating it was really awkward and i think it's only going to get worse next week when reza brings up the whole bank robbery scenario but he pretty much called m a pill-popping alcoholic hot mess. All she does is pop pills. That's so Persian of her. That is like, white people, they don't pop pills. They smoke weed and everything, and they look for sea glass.

But MJ, she just pops pills like it's saffron rice. She loves it. She thinks it's rice crack. She just will eat that for days on end. Homegirl loves it. She thinks it's rice crack. She just will eat that for days on end. Homegirl loves it. Homegirl has no defense for anything because it's fairly obvious that at 40 years old, she is so messed up because of her mother and the shitty relationship that they've had. Part of me doesn't blame her because her mother is Stassi the Devil Part 2.

Evil Doris Roberts is what I call her. Evil Doris Roberts. of me doesn't blame her because her mother is you know stassi the devil part two evil doris roberts is what i call evil doris roberts um but you know this woman is 40 years old she is not 25 so you know there's just no hiding it anymore oh absolutely but i thought honestly i almost didn't even care about the pills because i thought what was really sad is that they do have a 20 plus 20 year plus friendship and uh it's falling apart i mean not to get all like this but don't you i know i know where you're going and i get depressed watching these people come on shows like the real housewives or shah's a sunset and watch their friendships just crumble apart we saw you know lisa and adrian needs to be friends now they're not we see everyone their friend their friendships their marriages they fall apart it's like it's sad it's really it's kind of sad

slash it's a great tv um i i do think that i think that like mj is a complete disaster and i understand that reza is probably fed up with a lot of her bullshit but the stuff that he is saying to his alleged best friend of 20 plus years on tv is he is just as disgusting yeah that's the thing with reza i always go back and forth you know he has moments where he can be poignant and he can have perspective on things and he can be smart but he also is a total asshole and i think he thinks he can get away with it because he's hey i'm reza and i'm like i'm like totally like I'm gay and funny and that's what I am. But no, just because you have some one-liners doesn't mean you can say these vile things about your best friend. Like say it in private.

No, he's just an asshole, let's be honest. Okay, before we get into Gigi versus Asa, I have to talk about Lily. She is my favorite person on the entire cast. I don't care that she has a crazy voice and that she has amazingly fake schnockers. That's just my voice. Like that's just how i am and that's just what you're gonna have to deal with like i have a crazy voice and that's just who i am i don't want to have to brag about my voice but i will if i have to okay two things number one um i think it's kind of or three things i think it's funny that she told her parents that she was going to be on the show like three days before it aired.

Number two, speaking of the DDR dramatic document reveal. Oh, yeah. This girl came loaded with paperwork to prove the $900, 1 million plus dollar cars that she and her ex-boyfriend own. And she was not taking any of MJ's shit. She was like, I have a receipt for my Wii. I mean, she had a receipt for my wii i mean she had a receipt for everything i asked foofer nutter butter fluffer cutter butter sweetie poops to compile all my receipts and here they are here's a receipt for my 250 000 rolls royce i mean i don't

want to have to brag about it but here's the receipt for you to look at. I love that she prefaced everything. Like, I don't want to brag about it, but this cost $4 million. No, but you know what, though? I like Lily, too. I like that her lawyer came out, and she came with all her proof, and she came prepared, and she pretty much shot down everything. Her only moment when she was a little off was when MJ was trying to to apologize to her and she was kept on going but mike mike was good mike um no i actually got really pissed because i hate when mike tries to act like the dad i mean i like it when he regulates gg but he was so condescending and i had no problem with lily you know continuing to talk because mj is a pile of shit uh i don't

know i actually felt like mj was being sincere there and oh please at least like let her say it at least let her say it um and then if she goes back on it afterwards then he can really dig into her but i agree i hate when mike is condescending to the women he's very condescending to the women because he talks out them tells them what to do and then you know you have a party where there's supposed to be the apology party and he gets all violent with omid on that yeah good good luck uh non-persian fiance that's gonna go really well for you yeah i think he's actually pretty chauvinist that mike oh no diggity no doubt okay let's talk quickly asa versus gg are you team knife golnessa are

you team cottage cheese asa um i mean asa definitely is the victor in this situation but gg was her lines were pretty amazing. Like, let me throw this bowl of olives on your face to make you look better. I mean, that's pretty great, you know? And by the way, who was I talking with that they had like a huge spread of food at this reunion was kind of amazing. They don't even have food at Top Shack. Oh my God, it made me so hungry. I just wanted to dive into that coffee table i i know

it was amazing i mean i i mean gg was being so offensive it got to the point where it was hilarious unlike stassi who was just offensive okay what you refer to asa as that thing i mean that was pretty amazing i just loved that throughout the entire episode they just kept referencing like who here is still supported by their parents the only person raising their hand is gg who here is you know and they just kept going on and on and on it's like who here has never worked a day in their life and gg raises her hand who here is the only person that said i would like to take a knife and gut my pregnant sister and cut her face off and she has to raise her hand i mean i think that and that Andy Cohen thinks that she's disgusting.

I think so too. But you know what though? I don't think Gigi is totally indefensible. I think that there are certain things she brought up that I think were legit. I do think that with the big nose thing, the comment that Asa made, I think Gigi does actually have a point, which is that you don't know how sensitive this person is about his nose maybe he wants to get a nose a nose job or something like that like that's like it was honestly when asa said that it was obnoxious even though it was supposed to be a

compliment she meant it as a compliment but gg did not need to read gg did not need to react that way i i'm not arguing that i just think that think that Asa is not perfect. And Gigi, I think Gigi made a good point there. I think when she said, you don't know how sensitive Amid might have been, I thought that was one of Gigi's few good points. And I think that the other point that MJ made, which was that why is it okay to bash Gigi for being on her dad's, you know, being on her dad's dole.

Whereas Lily has her ex's black, you know, black Amex or whatever, and no one says a thing. I thought that was legit, too. Nobody should trust anything that MJ says, because as Lily put it best, looking down, looking down, looking down again, looking down. Every time you look down, you're a liar, MJ. And all you did was stare at your fucking fat pig feet and your louboutins that was amazing that was that was an that was an amazing sequence i actually started to feel bad for mj because she was getting busted so much oh she got busted i loved it oh i did um i mean asa i feel like asa said some dumb things to you i just can't

remember what they were but when they ultimately got this fight again it was so stupid it was really a stupid, stupid fight. And I would like to say that they're old enough that they should not be having these fights. They shouldn't, Ben. The majority of them are knocking on 40. I mean, Gigi is 30, but the others are knocking on 40. Well, you know what? That's their fault for hanging out with a 30-year-old.

Although I do have friends who are way older than me. But still, they should know better. They should know better. They should know better. They're immature. They're immature people themselves. I mean, the fact when they disinvited Gigi from Mexico, that was a page right out of the Stassi handbook. It was also a mistake because there would have been even more awesome fighting that we could have witnessed. And for that, I will forever be angry.

Okay, speaking of busted things, we have to move down to the Dirty South. We have to talk about busted Cynthia and her busted Miss Renaissance pageant and how awkward I felt watching this episode because she is a moron of epic proportions. And the fact that anybody would let her run anything is beyond my imagination. She only did one thing right in this entire pageant. Which is hire Boris Kojo, who is a hotness hot hot hotterson i'm surprised that she didn't make him take off a shirt but hey that's all right yeah well that would have been better than his like old navy like cargo shorts and shirt that he wore as opposed to a suit but you know whatever yeah uh the whole everything was a hot mess no one like they they left out entire

groups of girls they had their names all wrong i mean it was you know i love that the planner lady that was like her only job was to print out the documents and put them in order she fucked up and then cynthia when asked oh are you fine or are you feeling okay about this instead of cynthia getting on her and saying do your job correctly cynthia was like yeah I'm great let's go let's roll this bitch Cynthia's a total idiot okay she's a total idiot she's the dumbest she's the dumbest of them all and by the way her wig that

she was wearing when they were at the Bailey agency earlier in the day was so atrocious I mean it made everyone of Kim Zolciak's wigs look like they deserved the Oscar of wigs oh I agree you know this this this pageant I mean, I don't think, the last time I think we saw something as poorly run as this was when she had a runway show

and she could barely get through in her MC duties. She is a disaster. Ben, this woman is in her mid-40s and she is so incapable of doing anything. mid-40s and she is so incapable of doing anything like i just i i find it unfathomable that these people are so stupid you know what she's in the wrong place she should not be in atlanta she should be up in new york modeling and doing modeling gigs where she doesn't have to open her mouth and she could be around attractive people and be around her the gays up there that she likes more anyway and that's where she belongs but like she's down in atlanta she feels the pressure to be an entrepreneur of some sort which is not and no wonder no wonder

why there are four lease signs up in the bailey agency windows right now yeah you know here's the other thing every person that she knows every guy is like super hot like there's boris kojo there's her ex there are all these guys she knows that are really hot and yet she winds up with peter of all the guys she winds up with peter that and yet she winds up with Peter. Of all the guys, she winds up with Peter. That just shows she's a huge, huge idiot. Why is she not with a hot, rich dude that is taking care of her so that she doesn't have to work?

Yeah, she has the sort of woman that can call up Boris Kojo and he shows up on a plane to host, you know, amateur hour Miss Renaissance thing. I mean, I could have had a better pageant in my apartment uh with three bottles of wine where the bottles of wine are actually the contestants it would have been more professionally run i actually think that you should do that and

if you're gonna call it miss renaissance at least put on some renaissance garb with the little booties and have like a big old turkey drumstick i was shocked that no one showed up in renaissance i thought there were a lot of really disappointed renfair people outside i know that renfair crowd was turned away by that creepy like honey boo boo or pageant organizer with the with the bronzer oh he was gross he's gross but you know what though he was very competent and he's one of the few competent people we've ever seen on the real houses of atlanta so i actually was a big fan of sigh sigh okay a few other things happened portia thought that she was going to prove to her man who by the way is totally

misogynistic and awful towards her and is so disgusting um she was trying to prove to him that she could handle having a baby so she decided to rent her brother's little child who was adorable for a few days to uh to see if she could handle motherhood and the answer clearly is no because she had her pomeranian do the babysitting she's like oh i got my i got my dog doing all the babysitting it's working out real well the dog's really paying attention i can have that dog on that on that baby for 265 days a year that's one full year right there two ponds of fun i like this pageant it was a good pageant By the way, that dog, Nico, is adorable Skin it and make muff And some ear muffs out of it

Because he is adorable Nico is clearly the inheritor of the Jiggy throne I was just going to say, watch out, Jiggy-boo Yeah, Nico is definitely the cutest dog To come around since Jiggy Yeah, watch out, Jiggy, watch out, Legend What was Jules Theron's dog? I talked about it earlier. It's disgusting. Who was Legend again? Who was Legend?

That was Adrian Maloof's dog. Oh, no, that was Jackpot. Legend was Jacinda's dog from Real World London, season four. What is wrong with me? I have serious problems. The fact that you were able to then recall immediately who Legend was is still also very impressive. That's a 20-year-old reference, I think. I know. God, we're tragic.

Okay, so Portia thinks that she's going to be a mom, and that's going to be horrifying. That's definitely needing-year-old reference, I think. I know. God, we're tragic. Okay, so Portia thinks that she's going to be a mom, and that's going to be horrifying, slash that's definitely needing to happen on the next season of the show. I also love when she shows up with the baby at the fashion show, and then Candy's like, who baby is that? That's not Riley. Riley barely wanted to come to the fashion show.

Riley laughed hysterically, because then as soon as it burst out of her mouth without her thinking and then she was like oh maybe i shouldn't say that in a public setting around all these other people i was very happy to see riley riley okay candy she recorded the we talked about uh stay prayed up a little bit earlier uh she recorded the song with marvin sapp but this was the first time besides mama joy, that we got to see where Candy came from. And we got to see her dad for the first time.

Yeah, and it was such a forgettable experience. I mean, he basically came in. And then he cried like a baby. He cried, and then he was gone. And I like when he showed up, she's like, oh, hey, Dad. I'm like, what? That's her dad? I'm like, what?

Hey, Dad. Were you hanging out with Riley before? Hey, Dad. Were you hanging out with Riley before? Okay, my other favorite part of the episode was near the beginning, which I just have to say, you know, call me a horrible person. Everybody out there that's listening already carpet that was over a rug, again, in a rec room out of their like fake mini basement kitchen. What the fuck was that? I don't know. I'm so glad you took notes because I can't remember anything this week. So I'm so glad you took notes. Let's have a sexy dinner

in my rec room. I'll be wearing sweatpants and he will make for us some bruschetta with some avocado on it. If that is what you call a sexy, glamorous dinner in your rec room, I just don't even know what to say. Well, if it wasn't Chef Roble, they'd probably be going to the spaghetti factory. So I think it's a step up. I just don't understand. I just don't get them you know maybe speaking of food we should talk about top chef let's do it we are running super long okay here's what i have to say matt this is what i really want to talk about with top chef it's actually more about last chance kitchen because what happened was wait okay so let's get let's

get there because i didn't watch last chance kitchen so i don't know so josh got eliminated everybody for those of you who are not watching Top Chef or sorry, spoiler alert. Josh was eliminated. His wife just gave birth, and then minutes after she gave birth, they cut him from the show. So we're left obviously with Brooke and Sheldon. But then Josh went back to Last Chance Kitchen where he was going to have to face off against Kristen, who's obviously been killing it there. What happened? So it's not just Kristen.

It was the winner of Save a Chef came back, and so they brought back CJ and Lizzie. I love Lizzie. So was it a face-off? No, so what happened was Tom announced that the winner of Save a Chef was Lizzie, which made me so happy because I did not want CJ around this. So then it was Lizzie uh lizzie versus josh versus kristin and they just had to cook something really good whatever it was now i sort of got i don't

remember what uh lizzie made some sort of like uh gnocchi i think or she made some pasta thing and kristin made a pasta thing if i remember correctly i'm assuming that kristin won because the kristin clearly is who the well let me say something let me something. Let me tell you something. Tell me. So Josh made something. Let me guess. Did Josh make something that was breakfast with bacon infused? Honestly, I wish I could remember. I have no idea why I can't remember anything right now. Because all he makes is breakfast for dinner,

which I love. No, the reason why is because Stassi has ruined my brain, and I can't remember shit that's more than half an hour old. I don't even remember what we were talking about half an hour ago. Blame Stassi. I need a t-shirt that says that. So anyway, the point is this. Josh was eliminated. Tom was like, listen, Josh,

yours just wasn't quite up to par with the other two. And then Tom goes, and the winner of Last Chance Kitchen is, and it ends. And I was like, what? I just watched 11 minutes of this for you not even telling me? I was so infuriated.

You are kidding me. We should all boycott. I mean, we can't boycott Bravo TV shows, but we should definitely boycott Bravo.com. It was really manipulative, and we're going to learn the winner on the first episode of the finale. Guess what? I really think that this Last Chance Kitchen is total bullshit. Clearly, they want people to go to Bravo's website so they can get some traffic there because they're whores and they're greedy and they want more than their TV ratings. However,

I have never watched an episode of that and I never will if they're going to pull these fucking stunts that are disgusting and rude and stupid. And I also have a serious problem because somebody who's watched Chance Kitchen should not be able to come back into the show into the finale. Maybe you can

come back to the final four, maybe you can come back to the final five, the finale. Maybe you can come back to the final four. Maybe you can come back to the final five. But you should not get a fast pass to the finale that is bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I don't think you should have a fast pass to the finale. But I like the idea of Last Chance Kitchen because I do think sometimes you do have very talented chefs who get screwed by either a teammate challenge or there's an issue with a bad burner. There are a lot of variables that can cause an excellent champ to have a bad day. Kristen was eliminated too early in the competition,

but I just have this feeling that they want her to come back. Obviously, they want another female to win because we've only had one Stephanie. And I am already just getting pissed that she's going to come back and win when Brooke deserves the win. I don't even need to see the rest of the finale. Brooke deserves to be to come back and win when Brooke deserves the win. I don't even need to see the rest of the finale. Brooke deserves to beat Al Shapps. I agree. Brooke deserves to win.

I agree. But we don't know. I mean, Lizzie could beat Kristen. Lizzie is very good. And I think people really liked Lizzie and her story with her father who has recently passed away. The fisherman. I loved it, and I love Lizzie, and I'm not a hater on Kristen. I just feel like they're really manipulating the whole season.

I'm not as behemoth about it as you are, but I was really pissed that they sent us to the website only to give us nothing. I don't mind being sent to the website. I think it's a good cross-platform use. TV website, I think it works very nicely, and I think that Last Chance Kitchen is probably the best that we've seen from all the other tv shows that try to do the same thing i will give it that and i do still love me my top chef and i actually think this season has been good i just get pissed off when they cut things off like that it's so crazy

well look uh this has now made me very hungry i'm rooting for brooke i thought she made uh what did she make she make some like something her mom had used to make it looked good it looked beefy and stewy which are two things that i think are disgusting but it made people feel warm and cozy and i'm all about that i'm okay next week we are going to have a ton of stuff to talk about it's going to be an awesome episode of watch what crap happens we have the continuation of the white party in beverly hills we have the vanderpump rules season finale with the sexy photo shoot we have shah's reunion part two we have top chef finale part one and we probably have more bullshit out of cynthia in the real housewives of atlanta it's going to be a great episode hopefully we'll have ronnie back he has that he has that episode

of um maybe he has some contagion happening right now i don't know a little kate winslet from contagion happening but um vomit going on't know. A little Kate Winslet from Contagion happening. Last chance vomit going on. Last chance vomit going on. But you guys, thank you so much for listening. This has been a very long episode. We hope that you stuck with us. Even for those of you who don't even know what the fuck Vanderpump Rules is, trust me, you don't need to watch the show.

Just listen to us talk about it. You can find me, Matt, on Twitter at Life on the M-List. You can find Ben at B-Side Blog. You can also find Ronnie, despite the fact that he's sick, at TVgasm. You should definitely follow The Fun with us on Facebook. We are at Facebook.com backslash Watch What Crappens. It's a total party. Please like us.

Join the conversation. And go to AudiblePodcast.com backslash or forward slash funny. Don't go to Audible.com. Go to Audiblepodcast.com backslash or forward slash funny. Don't go to audible.com. Go to audiblepodcast.com. This way we get credit for your visit. Exactly. You'll get a free audio book. It'll be a total party.

And then when you're done with that, go to iTunes. Give us a five-star rating. Talk shit about some of the other Housewives podcasts that are out there and just tell everybody that we're the best. Yeah. And leave some funny comments. I mean, you guys make us laugh. That is part of the fun. It's actually the most fun part for me is reading what people post on iTunes and on our Facebook page. It's hilarious. You guys are awesome. By the way, I'm not totally sure that you get a free audio book at Audible with this deal,

but go there and you'll see. They'll either tell you you either get a free one or you don't. You'll find out. Oh, okay. But we'll get credit if you go there. Yeah. Yeah. They'll either tell you you either get a free one or you don't. You'll find out. Oh, okay. But we'll get credit if you go there. Yeah, yeah. And anyway, Andy Cohen's book is only $7.49. So, you know, what's that? It's cheap.

It's fun. It's easy. It's cheap. Everyone, thank you so much for listening. Thanks, Matt. Thanks, Matt, for being so well prepared because I was very useless this podcast. Okay. Well, that means next week I get to drag my ass and do nothing.

So you can write the notes next week. I will do the notes. Okay. Awesome. Okay. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I will do the notes. Okay. Awesome. Okay, thanks, Ben. Thanks, everybody, for listening. Bye, everyone. And Ronnie, feel better. Bye. That's Ronnie. Okay, bye. Bye.

If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me,

takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more you don't have to wait any longer just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy there's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you

a few days ago Brooke Tudine posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and 3 comments. Thumbs up, Brooke. Geico also wants to make a comment. In just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico. And nothing says inspiration better than saving money. Well, except for those posters that say things like teamwork, excellence, and make it happen.

Hashtag keep climbing. Hashtag savings. Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts.

Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.