Watch What Crappens - #65: Faye Resnick, Officially Involved with Everything

Episode Date: March 20, 2013

Faye Resnick, Officially Involved with Everything See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. hey everybody welcome to watch what crap ends a podcast dedicated to all that crap we love on bravo my name is matt whitfield from yahoo entertainment and joining me as always are ben mandelker and ronnie. Say hello, boys. Hi. Hello. Before we dive in, we have so much to discuss today.

You should definitely get involved with us on the Facebook. The kids call it the Facebook. And we are at, we're actually at www.facebook.com backslash watch what crappens. You should also get involved with us on Twitter. We are at what crappens. i am at life on the m list ronnie is at tvgasm and ben is at b-side blog and you guys should definitely join us the facebook is blowing up we have so many dedicated followers and users and it's such a party and it's kind of becoming like a daily

habit for me i'm just letting you all know. Well, me too. I'm actually getting addicted to our Facebook page, which is crazy. I've never been addicted to any Facebook page ever. And of course, being the narcissistic person that I am, I'm addicted to my own or our own, I should say. And these people are now following me on Instagram because you put that on our Facebook page. And it's kind of creepy because now they're getting to see into my personal life. And I don't know how I feel about it. Your personal life is just pictures of like juan del potro serving tennis balls it's not it's it's it's all just like it really is just tennis nothing but tennis sneakers and cupcakes yeah

and i think that's great i mean i don't know what sums up my life and by the way welcome back matt we missed you last week and i looked on itunes where everyone should leave a review and our very own birthday boy eddie mcgee left a comment saying, I actually missed Matt this week. So congratulations, Matt. Eddie actually missed you. This compliment is wrapped in a distaste for me still. Well, it's Leah Black style. It's an invitation wrapped in an insult.

How fun is that? How fun is that? It's so fun that I want to tear it down. Tear it down! Anyway, you guys, we have much to discuss. We have a new show in the mix being Fashion Queens, which we don't even say anything yet because I'm about to bubble over. We have Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the penultimate episode. We have Real Housewives of Atlanta, which I think is the most boring season ever.

But before we get into all that and Millionaire Matchmaker, which i am the only one watching um we definitely need to talk about gossip i saw the most upsetting news as i was driving into work today from the examiner yes i was texting while driving but i was at a stoplight don't hate me what's what is it what is it the examiner is report ben is going to need to brace himself more than ronnie because ronnie does not give a fuck. Oh, no. The Examiner is reporting this morning that the Real Housewives of New York City cast is once again being gutted. What? Like the massacre after season four and that in addition to Yummy Tummy's Heather being out, the Countess Luann de Lesseps is being cut from New York.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it right there, Matt. I don't want to hear this. They're going to keep Ramona? Oh, God. They cannot. I'm sorry. I know. They cannot get rid of Luann. She's iconic. You cannot. I'm sorry. You cannot. You cannot. Ben, I know. I'm doing Ramona voice, in fact.

I'm sorry. You can't. I'm cradling you in my bosom right now because I know how hard this is for you. How could they do that? Luanne is like such a character. Like, you know, some seasons she's just the best and some seasons she's just the worst. And that together just makes her one of a kind. She's unlike any of the other housewives in any franchise. They absolutely cannot do that.

I protest. Let's discuss a few reasons why they should keep her. Number one one she fucked Johnny Depp the pirate on vacation last year and then tried to cover it up I mean that was like the best storyline I agree that brought the season to life didn't it last year

it did it brought some joie de vivre number two her children are awful especially her racist daughter slash artist she has teenagers passed out in the hedges. She fosters an environment of alcoholic excess.

Number three, she is dating Adrian Brody slash the Count Dracula slash the Count from the Muppets slash David Schremer who is clearly cheating on her. Absolutely. They have an open relationship, darling.

Come on. Plus, number four, she wears turquoise jewelry. Number five, she likes to make fun of her native heritage by saying that people from her tribe like to scalp others.

Plus, number six, she is the preeminent expert on the differences between the Plaza Hotel and Morocco. As in, this is not the Plaza Hotel. This is Morocco. Number seven, she has filmed a music video in an Indian casino. We have to round this out. Number eight, she is at the heart of some of the most amazing fights of all time on Real Housewives of New York City or any other franchise. Number nine.

She got Ramona to diss her own terrible wine on national TV. And number 10. She hired a band whose primary lyric was, I want to fuck you in the ass. And you know what, guys, that was an amazing top 10. We could probably take this up to a top 50 and we should, and then we should make it a photo gallery and then we should send it to

Bravo. 50 reasons why you could not get rid of the Countess Luanne de Lesseps. She is the queen of New York. I mean, I was okay once Jill left, but if Luanne leaves, I cannot stand Ramona being the original cast member, the only one left. It's too much for me to handle. And they, you know what, I'm sorry,

they should not be shaking up the cast yet again. I mean, maybe like cut one away. I don't even think they should get rid of Heather. Heather really brought it the second half of her season. I loved the relationship that Heather had with Carol, that like budding friendship, like the brunettes versus the blondes. It's so reminiscent of like talls versus smalls. Like why would you want to rock the boat? I feel like that trip that they all took where Aviva was fighting with Sonia and Ramona and Luann was sleeping around. I mean I just thought that New York was delicious this past year. I agree.

The second half of that season came together and the cast came together. And I actually – if anyone, you can get maybe rid of Carol, although she was the best one. But they shouldn't, it was finally starting to spark, starting to gel. There's no reason to tamper with it. You know, when you cut out a lot of people and you overhaul, it takes a while to sort of get your footing again. Could I beg a favor? I mean, I think some of our listeners out there would kill for just like a snippet of Carol right now. How does Carol feel about this? You know, it's okay because I'm part of the 99% and I have other things I have to be doing anyway. As long as they don't ask me to fly anywhere for a goodbye party because I knew people. I don't want to mention who because I'm not a name dropper. But one time I knew people who took a't want to mention who because I'm not a name dropper, but one time I knew people who took a plane and then they

died. And then I told Peter Jennings about it, who was a colleague of mine because I used to be a reporter. Didn't you also write a best-selling book, Carol? Yeah. Yeah. It's about a widow.

So it has a guide to being a widow. Yeah, it's about, yeah, it's about a widow. So it has Guide to Being a Widow. Yeah, it's about having sex even though your turkey neck is now touching your vulva. I'm releasing a home improvement book next year. It's called The Widow's Guide to Windows. It teaches you how to build windows. With your vagina. Only using your old dry vagina. Stick a hammer in there. Stick a hammer and With your vagina. Only using your old dry vagina. Stick a hammer in there.

Stick a hammer and press your pelvis. You can sand down entire window sills if you really let your vagina properly dry. Oh, my God. Could you imagine if she replaced Bob Vila on this old house? Genius. Genius. Anyway, you guys, back to this rumor, though. genius genius anyway you guys back to this rumor though the examiner is saying that the person stirring the pot is sonia morgan who is trying to secure her own place on the cast because

her head was also on the chopping block i hate sonia but this woman can't go anywhere either let me tell you something i am sitting on some super juicy sonia mor Morgan gossip that that's just reminded me of. What a segue, Ben. Work it. Well, don't get too excited. A friend of a friend. How can we not get excited when you just said Sonia Morgan and juicy? Ew. I followed it up with friend of a friend,

and we know everybody, all of our listeners know that you love to name drop. Well, no, listen. A friend of a friend interviewed. Matt's back. A friend of a friend interviewed with miss morgan to be an intern wait shut up no to be an intern who does nothing but like shake and this person this person sends in an exhaustive email very detailed email about the experience to my friend who forwarded to me but you know what though i haven't gotten the go-ahead of whether or not i can share this

then you need to post it on our facebook page which is facebook.com backslash watchwhatcrappens. As soon as I get the high sign from my friend, if I do, I'll be more than happy to read it because I'm telling you guys, it is rich. I don't even want to know. Unlike Sonya herself. The requirements that somebody would have to go through in order to win that position. I mean that should be a reality show on its own. Like Bravo should do – they've done this in the past like Paris Hilton's BFF or whatever. But to become Sonya Morgan's intern should be a fucking Bravo reality show.

I'm telling you. It's been a while since they were filming. Has she done anything? Has she got a job or anything? I think she read the New York Post. I think that's the one thing she's done since the rest. Maybe. She maybe is a plumber's

apprentice. She loves to fist a toilet for a blackberry. Yeah, she's made a whole business of getting blackberries that have been dropped in toilets when you're trying to fuck the plumber. I think she's probably put some puff pastry in her toaster and forgotten about it at this point.

She's like, whatever happened to that grilled cheese I was making? Whatever happened? Someone call Ramona. I had a grilled cheese. I don't know what happened to it. What's Ramona doing? Can someone get me the post? I really want to know what my friends are doing.

You know what? Leave me lose dog stairs here. I want to use them to get out of bed. It makes it easier. I like it. Keep them there. So you know what's really upsetting? So in addition to the fact that these two women, being Heather and Luanne, might be cut from the cast, this is also because the cast has not been finalized. The filming of the season has been completely postponed.

And normally these women film through the holiday season and through New York Fashion Week, which is always fun to see who's getting to sit where. And we've had so many classic run-ins there they're missing out so new york has not filmed a damn thing don't you worry maddie bat because new york has plenty of events and plenty of fashionable every every season is a season for the housewives exactly i think that this is why heather has been all over the news suing spanks all this time later because it's it is kind of weird that there's Housewives news when they're not filming because normally you just don't hear from these bitches unless their show's on. Well, clearly, I mean, Ronnie, I would think that she's suing Spanx because that could be a storyline if they want to start shooting tomorrow if they want to hire her ass. Oh, yeah.

She probably wants to get a storyline that makes her look like more of a professional than when she was designing a sexy jay for sonia look and why would you want to get rid of her she was the one who was fighting more than ever with sonia and ramona this past season and that was fucking delicious and she called out yeah well that would have been that would have been the case had there not been aviva oh gosh aviva by the way did anyone see those photos of her from a few weeks ago at Fashion Week, speaking of which? No. She walked a runway, and it looked rough. It looked very rough. The face did or the peg leg?

The face did. The face looked – everything was wrong. It was borderline tranny. Oh, and by the way, for people who are reading our Facebook page where you see our occasional updates, I posted something last week saying that I was in a club. And I swore to God. I thought Adrian Maloof was there. I like from across the club. I was like, holy shit.

Adrian Maloof is actually here. And then I looked again in a gay club and it was a drag queen. It was a tranny. It was a tranny. And so I hope people realize that when I wrote that i wasn't just being snarky or clever i truly mistook a tranny for adrian maloof well when there's that much tinsel up in a weave i mean you can always be thrown off there's a lot of tinsel and a lot of fillers up in the cheekbones and so naturally they've probably had about as much work done on their vaginas as each other. Yeah, I would say so.

And also, Matt. Take it in. Take it out. Take it in. Take it back out. Give me a G shot. Give me a G shot. I don't know if anyone watches Big Rich Atlanta, but that was a plot point this week.

You all should watch it. It's amazing. The other thing, the other piece of gossip, Matt, right next door to you, I saw Ashley from Real Housewives of New new jersey sitting out on the sidewalk was she smoking a cigarette with more tattoos on her forearm i didn't see any tattoos um and i couldn't tell if she was smoking a cigarette because i was sort of walking by but she's talking to a guy it was in the afternoon she's sitting on a stoop outside of you know the vantage apartments which is where we determine which is right between my house and your house and there was a party bus parked out there the other night. It was Saturday night. It was like 3 o'clock in the morning, and I thought I saw her out there getting out of like a birthday party bus, and she looked drunk as hell.

Oh, did she have her stupid beanie on? She did not have a beanie on. Thank God. But you know she was going inside to put on the beanie and then vomit into the toilet and then pass out. And then pass out, not from alcohol, but from gas fumes from her stove that she left on. Oh my God, her building is going to blow up and then it's going to set both of our buildings on fire and then it's going to reach Ronnie's block,

which is only a few blocks away, and burn all of LA down. But MJ will be fine because she's higher up than all of us. I'm poorer than you guys. I live where there's only concrete. There's nothing to catch on fire here. He lives in a bunker. Yeah. You do live in a bunker understandably

um does anybody else have any other gossip before we move on because i am itching to talk about the real housewives of beverly hills let's get right into it so um the episode started out with a big party at adrian's house for zing vodka and side note um in case you were wondering what zing vodka tastes like red cupcake flavor i can tell you because I've actually had it. Here's a name drop again, an alcohol name drop. I can brace myself. Yeah, I had it. It's stupid.

Were you like at Alfonso Ribeiro's baby's birthday party? Oh, I wish. I was actually at my friend Katie's. You know my friend Katie who has like that nail salon? If she's not famous, then I don't know her. She is. She is actually. I know. I was actually at my friend Katie's – you know my friend Katie who has like that nail salon? If she's not famous, then I don't know her. She is. She is actually. I know.

Not really. She has a reality show on TV Guide Network. Is that still on? Good for her. Yeah, I think so. I think she had two seasons. We should get her on. She actually co-hosted one of these when there was Housewife Hoedown.

And we should get her on. She loves the Housewives. We should get her on. She's sort of a crazy lady. So she had this party and it was sponsored by zing vodka and she's like you should come because adrian maloof is going to be there for her vodka but does adrian maloof own it or does she only own two percent of it like she only owns two percent of the palms well i'll leave that up to brandy that's mean how dare you that's

mean you're gonna you just broke up ad's marriage. You're a mean girl. I'm not a classy lady. You're going down a very bad path, and you're being led by a very sad lady. I'm wearing Chanel right now, by the way. I'm borrowing a Chanel right now. So anyway, the point is this. Adrian did not show up, but I did try her stupid vodka and it was you ever taste something where it's not good it's not bad it's just stupid it's like why is this flavor

existing in my mouth like what is the point of this this is an alcohol for 17 year old girls who no no no the only thing that 17 year old girl should still be drinking is boone's farm watermelon yeah watermelon boone's farm from 7-eleven this is it's just you know this is a vodka that's made for um low rent bachelorette parties and no one should buy it quite frankly with brandy stripping on a pole not even okay before we get to lisa's party where the real shit went down we do need to talk a little bit more about um adrian's vodka party because um this is like right before it was revealed that adrian and paul were getting divorced and during this party adrian once again

was being a complete bitch to paul oh i mean she was just being horrible every little thing she was she was embarrassing him in front of the staff yeah but yeah but that being said sorry to cut you off it to me it just looks like standard bickering. It's sort of like one of them said later on. It just looked like it worked for them. It looked like that was their way of communicating. But it turns out that there were serious issues. And I feel like we actually never really got a deep insight into what those issues were.

And if we were to get a deep insight, it was censored by Bravo. I agree. And I think that they did cut away to Paul in a confessional, but I, who actually seemed sad. And he was like, you know, once again, my wife was being mean to me, but I'm convinced that that was filmed after the divorce was filed. Yeah, I think so. Um, wait, can I just talk about this party itself though? Only if you talk about Bernie and having to cook with no lights on in the kitchen. Oh my goodness. Well, first of all, it was nice to see Bernie making, making an appearance with his awful self. Um, second of all, it was nice to see Bernie making an appearance with his awful self. Evil queen bitch.

Second of all, I found it rather creepy that there were these disembodied hands handing out shots of vodka from a topiary. Like, to me, that's not a bad thing. They looked like cancer tumors, like, popping out of, like, your tissue. She kept saying it was cool, and it looked like polyps that needed to be severed out of someone's face. It was like, I've never seen Pan's Labyrinth, but I imagine that's what it was all about. It was like... It was like that. Yeah, like eyes on hands. Polyps and a colon

that needed to be zapped. It's like, I haven't seen Pan's Labyrinth, but I have seen the original Labyrinth, and that's what the original Labyrinth was like. All that was missing was Bluto and some rocks falling from the sky. There were a few hot dudes in their underwear getting painted i did enjoy that i might have hit pause on that with like the dude and yes the tighty whities i i did enjoy that and we we came pretty much as close to seeing um you know boobs on on tv because they were covered over

with body paint but no blurring and you could pretty much see areola what was the theme of that it was like a bunch of dirty girl naked dirty girls standing on like rented banquet tables like from a bad catering event and like white like white pedestal like um ceramic ladies and it was like statue guys and then bartenders with tattoos that say lisa ling and then like back me and then like and then men and trees and paul naked and it was gross paul dangling from a tree again another scene from labyrinth but you know here's the thing also um is that like it didn't really have a branding message i mean i'm not a marketing expert but it was kind of just like a generic over the top beverly hills party that we've seen on a

million of these reality shows like it didn't actually make the vodka seem cool. It just made it seem silly. Well, that's why I thought it was so funny. Before the party actually got into high gear, it was Brandy and Lisa getting massages going like, oh, God, we can't go to another one of these parties because all this woman does is hawk her products, whether it's the Maloof Hoof or now some vodka that nobody gives a fuck about. It's like this woman can't just have a normal party she has to have product placement that being said i would love to go to one of those parties because it does look cool although i

thought also another strange design touch was that at the front of the house they had sort of like a vodka bottle cut out they had to walk through and it just it just looked like a giant metal detector did anyone else notice that well so wouldn't you have one if you were Adrian? Jesus. I'd be afraid, too. That's true. And I love that she totally ripped off her bottle design from Voss drinking water. I know.

It's so perfect because it's crap water that they overcharge for. And when you get up close to the bottle, it looks like a total piece of shit. And it's hilarious that that's what she stole. It's like some overpriced piece of crap. Yeah. Stupid, Adrian. And then she put a light in the bottom of the thing so when it lights up, it looks like nuclear waste. Right, which is also the name of her makeup brand because she looks like she smears nuclear waste on her face.

Oh, I thought you were going to say it was the fillers in her cheeks. Or that. You never know. It could be in her cheek. Or her lipstick. And on her lipstick. She really, you know, it's like the way Eskimos have 26 different words for snow. Adrienne Maloof has 26 different uses for nuclear waste.

And it's all in her face. We'll make that another photo gallery after we do the 50 reasons why they should never fire Luann. Did anyone see Mike from Shaw's The Sunset in the background? Oh, yes. No, and I was even warned to look for him. We were warned by somebody and I still didn't even see him. Well, that's because he's very short. He's very short he's very short you're like what is also focusing in on his playgirl spread which is coming out soon so yeah unless he has a wiener dangling out i don't want to see it i have no time

for him by the way getting back to paul dangling from a tree you know i i thought you know uh adrian was like oh he always has to be the center of attention he actually looks kind of pathetic i mean no i don't think he was trying to be the center of attention. He actually looks kind of pathetic. I mean, no, I don't think he was trying to be the center of attention. And I didn't think he looked pathetic. I thought he looked like he was having a fun time and he was being playful. And he was trying to enjoy himself at your god-awful party. I think he was trying to make Adrian laugh because she's always bitching at him. And, you know, to what you were saying earlier about her and him having this relationship, it's like, oh, it's fun bickering.

That was fun at first until we saw her being downright evil to him when the season began last year. Was it last year that they had that dinner party at her house? Yes. And she was horrible to him? Yeah. Like, we've known that she's evil. And then seeing him come to her defense all year and getting mad at the the maloof hoof which he knows it's a joke like oh i hate adrian i and then and then she thinks that he's pathetic for doing this and

she is now the woman who is dating a pathetic 34 year old drug addict absolutely so guess what honey stop pointing your man hand and man finger at paul and look in the mirror even though it may crack i think paul just finally realized like you know what i'm a very successful plastic surgeon in beverly hills i'm on tv i don't need to be with a tranny wife i can just get a hot young thing he'll just give me a blow job because i'm famous a little bit you know well he didn't leave her he didn't well he should have mean, based on the people that she hangs out with, aka Bernie the chef and that awful gay guy who cackled at everything that

she said, he's like, Adrian, you're hilarious! Shut up. That's my new favorite impression, Ben. Fuck candy. It's all about Adrian's gay hanger-on. I didn't like the party. I mean, could you imagine, like, Adrian just, like, around the hot tub with that terribly

eyebrowed queen and Bernie? That is my worst nightmare. That is worse than L.A. Shrinks. Gay people, let's stop copying Ursula the Sea Witch from The Little Mermaid for eyebrow inspiration, okay? Let that shit grow a little bit and shave your back. Let's just, let's simplify your grooming a little bit. You know, I think we can start to tell the quality of someone based on the gaze that they

have around them no doubt but you know what but the one thing that makes me concerned is that taylor's gaze actually seem like pretty normal guys they dress nicely they seem smart they're friendly that little skinny one with the buzz cut is a dick yeah but i mean what why is that no no i'm talking about the one that showed up at Mauricio's, like, real estate party who was like, oh, he just grosses me out. And he was also at Kyle's house for the other party. He's always at every, he shows up at everything. But you know what?

I guess I just have really low standards for the gays at this point. Well, I mean, it's kind of like our dating lives. We sometimes have to scrape the bottom of the barrel. Exactly. And we will be getting to fashion queens soon enough. Don't you all worry. Okay. So we need to talk about moving over to Lisa's party.

Before we dive fully in, we have to talk about the preparations and the return of my favorite person in the universe, Kevin, the party planner. She, she, she. Beverly Hills. What you want me to do, Lisa? Lisa, what you want me to do? What do I do? I take off my pants. What you want me to do? She, she, she. She, she she she beverly hills what you want me to do lisa lisa what you want me to do what i do i take off my pants what you want me to do she she she she she i have to take off my pants he is kind of more offensive than long duck dong from 16 candles and i'm okay with it no no i think

kevin lee is great you know he's the sort of gay that normally i'd be like get him away from me but he's actually i feel like he's in on the joke i think he's actually very smart and i think he's just there for a romp i am just terrified by his wig and tinted glasses from the 80s the way i feel like it's scary oh no trying to get a new chance at life where everybody doesn't hate her and blame her for the beatles breaking up i feel like it's like you know when you know when they put someone on uh entertainment tonight into like they put them in different makeup like see what it's like for this woman to live a day as a man i feel like that's what kevin lee is like it's actually a woman yes yeah it's like when melissa gorga wears on a fat suit yeah i don't know i said melissa gorga i think that's who i'm they put everyone in a fat so they put like tara banks you know um by the way i have to

say with lisa's house on this horrible gay Asian suit. Now you see what it's like to be gay and Asian. And to be a decorator. And to have a terrible Muppet wig. And to have stripy underpants. And to have little frog legs. I thought his legs were very nice, I thought, considering. I thought his legs would be like two little chicken legs, but they were nicely formed. And to have a teeny tiny sticking out mushroom for a penis.

And to have maroon lips. chicken legs but that they were nicely formed any tiny sticking out mushroom for a penis oh my and to have and to have maroon lips there was not even a mushroom there was not even a carmini a mushroom up it looked like there was a button under there oh you're being generous that's his heart um little mushroomed heart can i say something about lisa's house by the way may i say something yeah obviously it's a comment on it too obviously it's lovely and everything and we've seen all season that she has Villa Rosa up on everything. What is up with that tacky, off-colored green bridge in front? Well, that's the least of – here's the thing.

I love that you couldn't even hold it. It does not match. It does not match. It is like a turquoise bridge next to all this green and pink stuff, and I'm like the color combo is bugging me out. Well, even more importantly, this is what my comment was going to be. At the front of her house, quite frankly, it looks like a museum like it looks like hotel ben it has a front and then there's a carpet that says it too exactly like this is a misstep for me because i realized as people were walking up to it it looks like they were going to check in or go to a

reception to look at some art it did not look like a home so lisa take down the signs and make it look a little more homely yeah we don't need you to title your fucking house, okay? Yeah, and by the way, yeah, that's the thing. When you put a name up for your estate, you put it on the front by the street. You don't have to have it on the front door, on the carpet, like on the doorknobs, on the bridge. You don't need to have pigeons flying over with banners announcing that it's Villa Rosa. We get it. You know, she's probably already trying to turn this into her next restaurant at some point. You know, Sir has that same kind of big ass square sign next to the front door. Villa Blanca has it. It's like, you know what, this woman, she's so tacky to me at this point. I mean, I still love her. I'm still team Lisa over especially team Kyle and we'll get there in a minute. But like, she's getting so tacky. Dancing with the Stars premiered the other night she sucked on it you know um you know we had vanderpump

rules this you know past few months which we all loved but we think that it definitely is tarnishing her you know reputation because clearly she hires slutty trash bags well you know this woman is going downhill and if brandy who we love is her white trash best friend now it's like this girl is heading to the gutter well not only not only that, but, you know, the comments last night about, oh, well, Adrian only does anything to promote her brand. Well, that's true. And that is a disgusting thing about Adrian. But think about when we've seen Lisa this year.

We've seen her throw a tea party, which was to bring on her staff from Sir and show off her new home. Backdoor pilot. Like, she does the same thing. Every time we see her, you know, she's only getting married again to have the finale at her house instead of Kyle's

lame-ass white party. Wasn't the beginning of the season a party at Villa Blanca with, like, the flowers being delivered by Adrian? I mean, God, we're always in those

goddamn restaurants. Yeah, but you know what, though? There's a... But you know what, though? I feel like the difference between Lisa and Adrian is that Lisa's things that she's promoting,

and yes, she does promote a lot, is that it's sort of an authentic... Ben, don't be fooled by that. Listen, hey, let me... I feel like you're getting... Order! Order! Order! Order! I don't want to have to push you off the turquoise bridge into the lily pond. I love that Ronnie is the judge duty.

Okay, no, what I was going to say is I think it's an authentic shilling. Y'all, y'all, this my courtroom, nah! I think with Lisa, there's an authenticity in the shilling in that she has these restaurants, and it's a natural outgrowth of being a restaurateur. She's going to promote it, whereas Adrian's just sort of like, okay, I've decided I'm going to start a new product, and here's a party for this. And it's sort of like quixotic. It doesn't even – it just is like she's just trying to cash in so desperately, and she's grasping at straws.

That's why I think it's different. I'll give you that that and i also do like that they are renewing their vows they actually are a couple that has been together for 30 years it makes sense unlike so many of these other people who can't keep their shit together so i'm not a hater on lisa i just am like you know i'm a little tired of her after all beating being beaten over the head by her and seeing her on three reality shows in the span of five seconds. And watching her get mounted by Ken on a massage table. Oh my god. And didn't you love how Jiggy was trying to bury himself into Brandy's vagina?

Oh yeah, well he likes to keep himself warm. He does. And wet. Oh, and then Mohamed started slapping her ass. What was that about? It wasn't Mohamed. That was Martin. Our fearless best friend.

With the wonderful hair. Well, they have a very similar hairstyle, like the Jodie Foster accused look. Who is that? Are you talking about old Fartin Martin? I was zoning out for a second. Yeah, old Fartin Martin. I said in the recap that he looks like Diane von Furstenberg made out of bark. Like that guy, I don't know what happened to him. Diane von Furstenberg made out of bark.

Like that guy, I don't know what happened to him. He looks like a piece of bark that you drop down the garbage disposal on accident and then like tried to pull it out and fix it. Poor thing. Joan van Bark. Yeah. He's like if Dame Maggie Smith decided to put on a gray Jodie Foster wig, that's what he is. You know? that's what that's what he is you know he actually looks like that evil witch that was always stirring the cauldron um in those cartoons from like our childhood he looks like one of those kind of um those evil trees that taunt people like snow white or whatever as as she runs through the forest but

with the jodie foster wig i think he looks like a snickers bar that you left in the car and it got melted so you put it in the freezer and then you unwrapped it and it was all misshapen. With a Jodie Foster wig. With a Jodie Foster wig. That's like the new, like you open a Chinese fortune cookie and you add in bed. And you can say anything you want about this dude, but it always has to end with and a Jodie Foster wig. You know what he looks like? Yesterday I was going through my kitchen and I found this piece of ginger that I'd forgotten about for months.

And it had sort of like dehydrated and become all desiccated and wrinkly and sort of brown but still sort of smelled nice. That's what he's like with a Jodie Foster wig. Okay. Can we talk about this party? Who is this crazy blonde lady that shows up with homemade jam? That's Linda Thompson. Oh, my God. Well, Linda Thompson, I loved it because she's trying to it's not the mother of brody it's the mother of brody the best friend of taylor the

ex-wife of david and uh frequent uh co-star on the hills and i'm former lover of elvis presley so anyway she comes in and i love that she immediately is trying to out yolanda yolanda by announcing that she's made she makes homemade jams at certain times of the year. I'm like, you know that Yolanda is going to show up with a full truckload of, like, lemon preserves. Like, oh, well, I just happened to make this last night. I think it's very important for a wife to make a truckload of lemon preserves. You know she will. Oh, she should.

And then I love that Linda then made a joke. She's so middle class. Well, I think that she's rubbing it in Yolanda's face that she's left money – she's left penniless over there while Yolanda's off gallivanting around with David Foster. That's how I took it. I thought that was her rich person way of saying, oh, you look wonderful. Your white outfit is so much more expensive than mine, and I hope you enjoy this jam because this is what I'm eating on my peanut butter sandwiches that I'm left with. Now that you've stolen my husband, you see where it is. And the owner is like, oh, peanut butter.

So you make your own peanut butter also? You know, I grow my own peanuts and then I turn them into my own butter. And then I sell them at Trader Joe's. That's what I do. I drew the peanuts that you made that peanut butter out of. What do you think of that, Linda? Hey, Linda, I make lemon butter. It's very romantic for me to make lemon butter and put it on my sandwich and give it to my husband, who is no longer your husband.

Yeah, it cleans his colon. It's like having your husband, but with a cleaner colon. He's always like, with my ex-wife, my colon was never clean. But now that I have you and your lemons, my colon is very clean. Isn't that so funny? Ha ha ha. Hey, Linda, how about you make a business about your little jams, and then maybe you could loan me some money to buy a third horse. Hey, Linda, you know, your jams are so lovely.

Why don't you sell them in the supermarket that I built last night? I always build supermarkets. You know SimCity? You know, people play are so lovely. Why don't you sell them in the supermarket that I built last night? I always build supermarkets. You know SimCity? You know, people play that game SimCity. Will I actually have a simulated city? Yeah, I drew a whole city supermarket and the walls are made of glass. You could see what's in there. Yeah, and I decorated it with art that I bought for $400 from artists who can barely eat ramen.

He wanted to sell $1,000 that way he could have rent for the month, but I said, no, he owes $50. And a jar of lemon. She is a negotiator. Well, I love that Linda was also, you know, you guys know her because of her reality pedigree,

but I know her because last season she was the one at that party in Malibu that Brandy tried to throw to make everyone happy that Taylor had the breakdown hat or one of her breakdowns i was gonna say please specify which breakdown and she was the one who was like listen honey look at the world look at where we are this has been here long before us and it's gonna be here long after us like look at the beautiful moon in the ocean yeah Yeah. I was like, oh. Shut up, bitch.

You put Brody Jenner on the earth. I know. Exactly. Like, yes, the world has been here for a long time until he brought the Antichrist into it. Yeah, no kidding. I mean, thank you for the probably five times I've masturbated to his image in my head. But otherwise, fuck you and what you've done to the world. Well, more importantly than Linda arriving at this party was that kim

arrived wearing a black dress and then lisa made a joke about oh did you get the memo about the black dress and then later kim then someone came also in black and kim goes did you get the memo there was no memo lisa was like did you get the memo there was no memo i get it there's no memo did you get the memo she was barely on the episode because you know that she was bobbing for turtles and Lisa's koi pond. That's because there was a memo to go to the koi pond. You get the memo? Lisa's like, you get the memo? That's why I said, did you get the memo?

Because Lisa's like, yeah, I got the memo. Hey, did you get the memo? I have post-it notes in my glove compartment. You want to play a memo game with me? I'll memo. I'll give you a memo. That woman is so drunk.

I love tape. I love tape. I love writing things on paper. Sometimes, if I forget something, what I do is I write out something on a post-it note and put it at the bottom of my chicken salad. So when I get to the bottom of the bowl, I'm like, I forgot. I got to get a boot and an ear.

Boot and ear. That was some delicious chicken salad. I got the memo. I got the memo. I got a memo to get more frames, get more picture frames. I was going to say, go dust your frames. That's what the memo says. No, it's like, dust the silver frames.

Catch the airplane at Van Nuys Airport. I love the airplanes over there. I just love them. I love you, Air. I was the airplanes over there. I just love them. I love the airplanes. I was like, is this airplane going to Hawaii? I wasn't sure, so I put a post-it note on the wing,

and I was like, this will remind the plane where to go. Hey, plane, did you get the memo? Yeah, memo. I put a memo on your wing, plane. Cam was wasted again, and this reminds me, I have to bring up Sarah Silverman on Watch What Happens.

Amazing. When they were in Austin, it was hilarious. I did not watch the whole thing because, you know, I have that show banned in my home because I don't want to ruin my dog, Bueller. I don't want to ruin his personality. So I have to turn it off. But I was waiting for something else to start, and it was on. And he brought up Kim to her. And she was like, oh, my God.

She was saying something like, oh, my God, that's so painful to watch. And he's like, yeah, but she's okay now. And she's like, yeah, I've been watching her be okay all season long. He's like, oh, no. She had a problem in Paris. And she's like, no, no, no. That bitch is drunk. It was actually the best part of the entire.

I was off last week, so I watched Watch What Craps While I Was on Vacation because I'm a – what do you call that? I'm not a misogynist. I'm a masochist. Yes. Well, you're both really. Let's be honest. I'm both. You're a sadomasochist misogynist.

You know it. He hates himself and he hates women. And Andy was trying to sell Sarah Silverman on the fact that Kim is okay and Sarah was not having it. And she's like, Andy, if you think that's okay, this world is fucked up. She was like, she is not okay. And I'm glad that we're not the only people that feel that. Oh, my God. She's so obviously not okay.

She got wasted again yesterday. Kyle looks more terrified than ever for her sister's, you know, well-being. By the way, Kyle had a funny moment to me. She was talking about the rumors that she had liposuction or whatever. And she's saying how they made it sound like I was having a full-body makeover, but it was just a little bit here or there. And then Camille starts being like, I know. That's just ridiculous that they would say that about you. In my mind, I'm thinking, yeah, it's crazy.

You're still so fat. Obviously, you haven't had a body makeover. I know. Camille had to get one last jab in before they shipped her off to the glue factory. I mean, I haven't seen anything as ridiculous as saying that Kyle Richards has had a body makeover. I mean, come on. Yeah. She has to keep that husband.

And it is kind of ridiculous because, you know, look, she's not fat, but she's definitely fatter than usual. She definitely looks like there's a little bit of X-Men mix in the muffin. It's been a bull market for her. There have been some gains. But then she was on that diving show and she was in a swimsuit. So I don't know. Maybe she went back for more. I don't know.

I have to say. I mean, I don't care. Who cares? I have to say, Camille also provided to me one of my personally favorite moments of the episode, which I'm sure every single person missed, but I just somehow zeroed in on it, and I actually recorded it, and I'm going to play it for you guys, because what it was was that the big

news was that Adrian and Paul announced their separation the morning of this party, and so everyone was talking about it, and so Camille and Mauricio were talking about it, and Camille was tryingille was trying to say like gosh it's so sad that we're going to be celebrating uh some wedding vow renewals while another one's such bad news where another one shambles but she like couldn't get it out and so marisa was pretty much like narrating what she's trying to say and you just hear camille being like she's like making just weird noises so i'm, it was so funny to me that I actually recorded it.

I'm going to play it off of my iPhone into the microphone here and hopefully it'll sound right. Okay. Ready everyone? Yes. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards played by HBO's industries. My holla, Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her new found eat oreaten world.

Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will,

she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words

Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app

or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Wait, of course it's not planned. So how sad that we're going to be celebrating

somebody else's... Yeah, the same day that we hear about our friends split. It's so upsetting. I know. Is she drunk too? I love she's like, she's like, she just like falls apart. Like we're through. Wait,

a rich white lady on prescription meds. Wait, can I play it again? Can I play it again? Just play it for the rest of that. Okay. Hold on. So how sad that we're going to be celebrating the renewal.

Somebody else's. Yeah, the same day that we hear about Zogfrey. At one point. I know. At one point. She gets derailed. She gets derailed. She just starts saying the same thing.

He's like, yeah, the celebrating renewal. She's like, the renewal. Same day. One more time. One more time. One more time. To have said that we're going to be celebrating somebody else's, yeah, the same day that we hear about our friend's

split. So upsetting. Again, this just proves my point that this woman should not be removed from the cast. It is just so upsetting to me that she is not a full-time cast member. Well, they finally got Camille to fly her C-word flag again, and now she's leaving.

She's finally dropped the shenanigans and is back to being a horrible human being again. And they're like, bye. So, speaking of horrible human beings... We share the same brain in addition to sharing the same crazy neighbors. Is it time to get to the main event? It is. There are kind of two main events. Well, there's the main event that is spurred by,

you know, initial conversation that is going down between Brandy and Marissa. And so the thing is, at Adrienne's party that we spoke of earlier, the vodka party, Marissa was kind of bitching to the group of women that were actually at Adrian's party about a text she received from Brandy, you know, with Brandy coaching her on her marriage. I mean, Marissa has been joking throughout the season how she wants to sleep with other dudes besides her husband. And it's, in my opinion, kind of tacky. I mean, yes, you know, couples can do it. She's fucking horrible. Okay, she's horrible. Let's be honest. I think that she's actually horrible. I wanted to like her, but I don't like her.

And then she's complaining about Brandy in front of these other women. Yolanda thinks it's tacky because Yolanda is amazing and my new favorite housewife. And so then it gets rehashed at Lisa's party. And Yolanda says, Brandy, you need to go talk to Marissa about this. That then becomes the Faye Resnick nightmare. So where do you guys want to start? Well, so what happens is this is when Yolanda finally has her shining moment.

Which Ronnie was promising us all season. We're at Lisa's party. I know my housewives. They're like a long, dramatic build-up. I just know that it's coming, and I love it. So Yolanda, who is clearly

she knows who to side with brandy and lisa she pulls brandy and marissa together and and yolanda's like you know you know that uh marissa was saying some things about you and marissa i thought you'd care to explain them to brandy and so marissa tries to sort of like soft pedal it or whatever all i was saying was that i totally agreed with everything that you said and then yolanda was like actually no no exactly verbatim how you said it and how inappropriate you were and i loved it and so yolanda was calling marissa on her shit marissa's like humna humna humna but you know what though to be fair brandy was like annoyed but she wasn't getting all

confrontational there were no finger wagging and marissa was sort of like inching towards the truth of what she actually said and yolanda kept on being like well you were being very catty whatever and they were you know it was a sort of a heated moment but it wasn't a tense moment if that makes sense i thought it was one of the nicest things ever because they were hashing it out actually brandy was actually not even confronting her she was trying to say like look i get it yeah you know and i'm cool with you i just want to make sure we're okay yeah and she wasn't yelling at her or being mean to her or even being a bitch at all she was like smiling totally fine yeah like their voices were like they were like

animated their voices were were raised but it wasn't it really wasn't a fight it wasn't even that raised yeah it was they were just hashing it out obviously her it was obviously just marissa trying to get in with the other women and get camera time right and that was and but that's legit like it makes sense she's a new cast member it's a way to get in with the other ladies it totally makes sense and i think that brandy would have let her off the hook and i think marissa would have let brandy off the hook and i think yolanda was kind of there as the moderator and forcing marissa to like you know admit what she had done and i think had it just remained the three of them it would have been fine but then the morally corrupt burn victim slash corpse bride has to swoop in and make my skin crawl make my blood boil make me yell at my tv

make my neighbors think i'm a crazy person i was screaming at the tv last night well what happened was what happened was that the women, all the harpies, were off to the side, saw a fight. And then all of a sudden they were like, oh, my God, poor Marissa. It's one against two. That's just so not fair. So Faye Resnick walks her stupid, wrinkly, raisin' ass. I have to add in there that Camille goes, why are they yelling at Marissa? Marissa didn't do anything wrong. She's like, bye.

I know what she was there, and that is not how you pronounce her name. Oh, Marisa. Oh, Marisa. I'm sad that we're going to be celebrating somebody else's. Yeah, we're going to have the same day that we hear about our friend's split. So upsetting. That is going to be played throughout the year

So listen up all of you All of you listeners better enjoy that one No but Marisa I don't know she's so nice I like her The renewal I need to keep yelling Let me just say this

Okay so here's what happens. I'm so mad. Faye walks up. Faye walks up and Brandy immediately being, she, no, Brandy knows how to take care of this. She goes, uh, you're not involved in this. And Faye, in my favorite line of the season goes, I'm involved with everything. And she sounds just like that, by the way, because she sounds like a man.

I'm involved with everything. And she speaks like this that, by the way. She sounds like a man. I'm involved with everything. And she speaks like this. Everything she says. She was like... This was like an audition for her to be on Melrose Place. I'm involved with everything. You're all fired. Right.

Like, watch out, Amanda Woodward. I'm taking over D&D advertising. And another thing. I'm involved with everything. Alison Parker. And then Brandy has this great line. Well, they start getting getting into it and brandy and her confessional has this great line where she says well faye walks up puts her dick on the table and tries to get involved and uh it just pretty much went downhill from there right yeah i mean faye is obviously making a play to be

you know the shiznit of the housewives which I guess is working if they're bringing her on next season. But she's so horrible and she cannot even speak English. And I just love her. Listen, even if you borrowed, you can borrow as many Chanel's, but that doesn't, that doesn't. It's like, bitch, you've been rehearsing this line for months and you can't say it? Come on, you're terrible. But here's the thing. She is the most hypocritical person ever because she's calling Brandy out for being rude and tacky all the time.

And every time we've seen Faye on screen this season, she's actually doing the attacking and being a tacky, nasty, classless bitch. She does that every season. It's not just this season. She did season one with Alison Dubois. So you know what makes me so insane? It's like, fine, this woman can be a tacky, gross, disgusting monster all she wants. She looks like one. She sounds like one.

She's horrible. I get so mad that Kyle is friends with her. And I have been not on Kyle's side this entire season. It makes my skin crawl that Kyle supports this woman. Oh, I know. She's a total opportunist. She has been for decades now. And did you see Kyle?

She was like, I can't get involved in this. And she, like, throws her hands up in the air and does, like, a Kenya Moore twirl, like, Gone With the Wind fabulous. And then that's, like, Faye's cue to go in and fight the battle for her. Well, why doesn't Kyle ever say to Faye, listen, Faye, these are my friends that I brought you into. Don't like, don't get involved.

Don't speak to them. I know you're trying to think you're defending them, but it's really pissing me off. Stop it. Yeah, you know. Oh, no. Sorry. Go ahead. No, I was going to say that's what I always have to tell Ronnie.

Ronnie, are you alive? Start talking. I know. Seriously. No, I was just listening. I was have to tell Ronnie. Ronnie, are you alive? Start talking. I know, seriously. No, I was just listening. I was just listening to you. But Faye, you know, the whole thing that she was trying to start last night was bugging me. Because even before that party, when they were being mean at the party before that and surrounding Marissa and everything that Marissa was saying, they were like, oh, yeah, well, she throws everyone under the bus. Because they're kissing Adrian's ass, who's sitting there like, there like well you know i don't stoop to that level unfortunately

you know brandy's a whore who sleeps all day in a drunk trying to raise children but i would never say anything about brandy and they're like oh i know and especially camille this is what i don't get i even googled last night camille Grammer-Adrienne Maloof business partnership because I want to know where the money is being funneled here. Don't you think that they're all on her payroll? My god. Well, Faye kind of is because she's a designer and Adrienne is always buying property. So Faye could – she's like a Maurizio. She could always be making money off something.

But Camille doesn't do anything. I think she has a business selling plastic jewelry on eBay. She she does and it's the saddest website i've ever seen but she's also a dancer yeah that's true um but yeah she's pathetic so i'm wondering where the money is being filed in if she's starting something up with adrian there's oh they're all criminals there will be some kind of partnership between her and adrian because it's just too much with her being like oh adrian we were all standing up for you that entire guess what they're not going to be able to hawk any of it on bravo anymore because both of those bitches got canned yep so let's talk about the final bit of beverly hills my favorite part is yolanda then regulated fay yeah i died I died. Oh, yeah.

This was, you know, never go up against a Dutch woman. She'll always regulate you. Oh, wait, wait. I didn't finish because I don't have a brain that works properly. But it really bugged me that Faye was saying, oh, really? You don't think she would have sex

with a married man, Kyle? Well, what about at your party? In the bathroom? When people saw her? Well, we don't know that that was a married man. And we don't even know that it even happened. And Faye is doing exactly what she thinks that Brandy is. And more importantly, who hasn't had sex in a bathroom at a child's birthday party?

No. It wasn't a child's birthday party. It was the white party. Oh, you're supposed to have sex at a white party. I know what white is. White is the color of semen. So there should have been sex. Yeah, white is the color you get jizzed on so that you can bleach it later.

Yeah. And also, you guys, Lisa says on the internet this week, if you ever read the internet, which is a really good place to read. We clearly don't read books, so. But if you're an avid internet reader, Lisa says this week that she was the one, and I think this is in her Bravo blog, which I know I'm pathetic for reading, but she says that she was the one at that white party to open the bathroom and that's how the lady saw Brandy in there and that she was not having sex with anybody

she was making out with that Latin guy, and it was no big deal. And what's wrong? I mean, are these women in high school? Like, it's okay, like, whatever, you make out in someone's bathroom. At least it wasn't the bed. And was he married? Because Faye phase keeps saying that phase said that he was very clearly suggested that he was having sex with him she was having sex with the married man and then what was the thing she accused her of after that um and then she accused brandy of breaking up paul and adrian's

marriage oh yeah which was like such the tackiest blow ever and it's so not true and that's when yolanda was like bitch shut up yeah that was great that yolanda was like such the tackiest blow ever and it's so not true and that's when yolanda was like bitch shut up yeah that was great that yolanda was like that's ridiculous yolanda that was so classy though she was like you are ridiculous turned her back on the corpse bride and was like i am out of here yeah her and brandy just laughing in her face and walking away from her was hilarious and what made it even better was that marisa was sitting there telling fay off she was like come on fay that is a low blow that yeah i know you know that like you know like the ghost of nicole brown simpson is watching from heaven

being like oh i hate that people think i was friends with this woman no she probably faked her own death and is like on a yacht right now, like drinking champagne, going, thank God I'm not friends with Faye. She's like, OJ was a dream. No kidding. At least OJ chopped my head off and got it done with. This woman will still be talking it off all these years later. I was like, please, OJ, take me. I just have to have coffee with Faye tomorrow.

Just, OJ, just do it for me. Just finish it. Okay, you guys. We've been going on Beverly Hills forever. I know, but we're not done we're not okay one last point ronnie one last point before we go to atlanta my computer is dying now okay um there is gossip on the internet that i read because i'm a reader avidly of the internet like i've mentioned um they were talking about faye's history and about they've they show

pictures with her now hanging out with her old friend chris jenner and uh disgusting all these disgusting reality whores but that makes me think of oj history because chris jenner was married to the kardashian guy who was the lawyer who hid all the evidence in the oj she was married which is totally disgusting so she was like coke heads with fay when all that OJ shit was going down and then Nicole Kidman got killed for it and then she's, it just gets grosser. Nicole Kidman?

Nicole Kidman is still alive and well and the star of Stoker. Then you know what? I'm not mad at Faye Resnick anymore. I thought that she killed, I thought that she got Nicole Kidman killed. Nicole Kidman's alive and well. Are you mad at Kenya? Are you mad at Portia? Are you mad at a candy? Let's move to the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

My computer is going to die. Okay. You back me to the white meat. I just had to say that because we did not say that last week. All right. So the episode opened up with Portia doing a baby test. Nobody cares. Her husband doesn't think that she should have a baby because he doesn't want to hire help.

Portia is crying because she can't have a baby. Nobody cares. Here's why I care. Because Portia thought she had to pee on the test for two minutes straight for it to get to work. I got to pee on it for 245 days a year. That's a full year. And then I love how her husband is like, that's a minus sign. But it's kind of a plus sign.

No, look at the box. This is what a plus sign looks like. Oh. Then I love how he's like, not even a horse pees for two minutes. What does he know about that? What does he know? He may be checking out a bunch of horse dongs. So, you know, he may know some things about that area.

In the locker room. In the locker room, he probably sees a lot of horse dongs. And then we went on. Then we moved on to candy who candy so we then we saw this like hovel on the side of like the interstate that was like boarded up and it's supposed to be candy i thought they were gonna say i thought they were gonna say it's peter's old club oh no i thought they were gonna say i was gonna say that like they walked in and I was like, this already looks 10 times better than the Bailey agency. It's Candy's new studio. She needs to have nine layers of security guards and metal detectors because people want to come steal her next gospel hit. Well, yeah.

If she's friends with Peter, of course, he's going to try to steal everything out of there. And then, and then at one point point i'm just going through my notes at this point i think there was more talk about like porsche and cordell were talking about the vegas trip and how the women were coming down on cordell for about the strip club etc and he's like he's like he's like i'm in control but i'm not controlling it's like all right well a lot of brains in this family i don't control you who said Who said that? I don't control. I control. I mean, I control. I'm in control.

I'm in control. But I'm not controlling. I'm the boss of the remote control. And your vagina. You know what? You can have a baby when I tell you to. When you leaving? You ain't leaving.

I didn't give you a pass to leave. You ain't going nowhere. We talking about how I'm not controlling, bitch. Now how are we going to have a baby if I have sex with a man? Can we make a baby still? Or no? I can't figure that out. How are you going to have a baby?

And how are you going to have a job and do all that at the same time? Well, you know, my mama had a baby. And it was okay. And I got you. I ain't doing nothing with a baby. I don't know what you think that i'm gonna do with the baby what the man does what the man does he give you the baby then you gotta carry that baby around you gotta be responsible for that baby i need to stop you

because this is getting offensive that is what it was it's just the sound of his voice offensive and it's exactly how he sounds yeah um okay so undercover brothers let's talk about and i'm half lebanese wait so i can say whatever i want those are my before we even get to walter what happens is that cynthia and peter decide to throw a black tie event for i could not tell what reason they just decide to throw a black tie party these two people these idiots are constantly throwing galas and black tie events. And they're poor. And I have no idea why.

And they are poor. Exactly. Why do they always throw these things? And then on top of that, they tell everyone to show up in black tie. And Peter wears a white tie. That is improper. I watch a lot of Downton Abbey. And I know about proper dress code and formal.

Who? There's a hole in his dinner jacket. Who? I never! Mont Noix-Belard has shown up. Mont, who? How simply devilish. This party has a white tie amidst the black ties.

Did you get it at Fresh and Easy? I went to Fresh and Easy and I bought a black tie. Maybe I bought it in India. It cost three dollars, so I bought some flowers, too. So anyway... the best part about this party is that it's because peter wants to invite rich people to talk about fitness really is that what it was you're fat and you're on and you're a weed addict and an alcoholic who

can't keep a job and you want to come talk to me about fitness please oh well did you forget that apollo is a personal trainer and a nutritionist i I love how Phaedra called him a nutritionist. Yeah. Because she makes healthy dinners for her man. Apollo is healthy. He's got a killer body. I would listen to that before Peter. Because he is a killer from prison. It's okay. He's got

a great body. We'll excuse it. If it's pull-ups and push-ups and getting your butt raped a little bit in prison, whatever your program is, is working for you. Now, Peter is a bleary-eyed, bloodshot fatso talking about fitness. Come on. Yeah, he just looks like a puddle or something. But anyway, my favorite part about this gala before the big controversy started was that they were all sitting at a table and Kenya announced that she's going to have a party where she wants to celebrate iconic black women in film why i don't know it seems like a strange thing to

me but more importantly she tells everyone she's like oh i want you to be you know uh diana ross and you can be tina turner whatever and she tells portia i really want you to come dressed as hallie berry in baps which to me was the most amazing passive aggressive assignment because it's like Halle Berry actually won an Oscar for her role in Monsters Ball and clearly everything since then and probably before then was all trash but if you guys had to go as one character from Halle Berry's um IMDB resume which Halle Berry character would you go? Chasing Isaiah. I would probably go as her from Rich Man's Wife. One of my favorite

thrillers that anytime it's on TV. Boomerang. Boomerang. I take it back. I say Boomerang. It was her first major movie. But anyway, what I love is that Portia's like, well... Are you not going to let Ronnie answer? Oh, sorry. I would probably say Catwoman just in case I ran into Sharon Stone. She could be like, oh my god, I was in that movie. And I'd be like, oh my god, me too! Okay, Ben, continue. answer oh sorry i would probably say catwoman just in case i ran into sharon stone she could

be like oh my god i was in that movie and i'd be like oh my god me too okay ben continue i did not know that sharon stone was in catwoman and now i have to see it yeah she was the villain so anyway um so i love that porsche is trying to be like well i i kind of like a harry berry film you're playing dr dandridge and and kenny just goes's my party, and that's how I see you. Like, that's how parties work. You tell people what to wear. And also, I see you as a BAP. So go on and get the costume.

I was hoping that she was going to tell Phaedra to dress as Tyler Perry as Madea. You would have thought. You would have thought that was going to happen. Well, at least she didn't ask you to dress like Monique and Precious. It could have been a lot worse. I know. That's Nini. That is totes Nini.

Throwing a TV down the stairs in someone's head. Oh, my God. Hilarious. So then anyway, Walter shows up and it's a big thing. And then Kim could be Mariah Carey from Precious because she's kind of white and kind of black. And Mariah Carey had a mustache in Precious. Oh, yes. Could someone be Cheryl Lee Ralph from something?

No diggity, no doubt. Could someone be Pearl from 227? I just had water come out my nose. Surely Marla Gibbs was in some movie that can be included in this. All right. So they go to this stupid party and walter's there with his sad gay plumbing ass yeah so walter you know what i have to say kenny was sort of floating the idea that walter might be gay and i have to say i think so i would actually

say i hate to be the one doing a gay witch hunt, but he's gay, especially when he had his big line where he was trying to sound like a bro. And it was so clunky. He's like, I like my woman like I like my rims, 22s, 24s, 26s. I'm like, shut up, Walter. I'll bet you like your rims. Yeah, he does like his rims. Oh, my God. Can somebody please make us a picture?

He's like, I like my woman like I like my cars with a penis wait a second did i say that i mean everybody could have told that he was gay like when he went fishing with kenya and he was wearing like glamorous like white leather high tops from gucci i was like girl please you know how you could tell he was gay because he shacked up with kenya who's basically a drag queen that's how you can tell exactly well they didn't shack up they never even had sex and he didn't want to even see her naked which whatever the whole thing is we know this entire season that that was a whole like fake scam they were never a couple he was always gay he was never going to sleep with her and she needed a storyline

so boring can we move on to the candy party and my my uh theory still stands that he was the actor in that terrible youtube movie i agree ben is the only one who disagrees with you maybe he is maybe he is also another adding more fuel to the fire so cordell the reason why we're making the gay jokes about cordell is because he has been famously uh plagued by gay rumors his entire career way before this show and so at the candy party which we're about to get to walter walks in his name k-o-r-d-e-l-l do you see you have to i have to ask so here's the thing walter walks poor bell but with a d and an extra l yeah oh he's been in jail is this a mugshot i don't know girl maybe he's in the maybe he was in the slammer with apollo hey hey either way either way walter

walter walks in with some girl named like clemencia or whatever chlamydia and the first thing walter does the most busted drag queen from rupaul's drag race ever exactly he he deposits her onto a couch and walks immediately over to cordell and sits and hangs out with him forever and talks about like all these gay rumors you know whatever and whatever. And that both of them, you could be like, yeah, that's crazy. Like, why would anyone like you got? Why would anyone say we're gay? Like, never. Absolutely not.

Hey, girl, you need to go to the bathroom. Oh, me too. Let's go. Yeah. I was like, way to really cover up those rumors by sidling up to the one man at the party who has famous gay rumors about him. Yeah. Let's go about that. I'll shake you off.

I'll shake you off. Let's shake it off. Just like a man. Man to man. Can somebody start talking like Riley? I'm like getting to the point. I'll shake you off. I'll shake you off. Let's shake it off. Just like a man. Man to man. Can somebody start talking like Riley? I'm, like, getting to the point where I need me some Riley. Well, at this party, we unveiled, we got to see Candy's new estate, which included a nice big bedroom for Riley. Oh, my God.

With a stage and a chalkboard, and it's the tackiest fucking thing I've ever seen. Riley. You know, sometimes I think that Raleigh, Raleigh needs a stage, you know, because Raleigh likes to sing. So I got Raleigh a stage for Raleigh and the Donuts.

Where was Mama Joyce? I miss me some Mama Joyce. That's for you, Ronnie. Ronnie, that's your cue. You guys, I'm reading about, I'm looking for gay pictures of... Ronnie! Ronnie, after the podcast. I, like, threw you a softball underhand slow pitch.

That was for you to knock out of the park as a module. I mean, even Robby could get that. I'm looking for Cordell Stewart penis pictures on the internet. And that's wrong! That is wrong! That ain't right! You don't do that in a party! Riley, why are you looking up pictures of Cordell's penis, Riley?

I need you to have Mama Joyce say Candy's name, because I love how Mama Joyce says Candy. Candy! This is two houses, Candy! No one has two houses! This ain't right, Candy! Oh my god, my day is complete. So, what I love as we're looking at this candy's huge double house estate is that we then cut to Cynthia, who says in her confessional,

she starts laughing, Peter and I need to step up our game. Like, we could stand to have a bigger house. Bitch, you ain't got no money! This is your whole problem! You see other people's houses and you decide you want one too you don't have the money stop no they are still renting that range rover that is at least eight years old and every time they show an outside of cynthia's condo i always freak out because the shutters are all like broken at the top like that is me with my

gay ocd but i'm like can you fix the goddamn shutters? It would cost you $10 and a trip to Home Depot. Riley, go over to Cynthia's house and fix them shutters, Riley. Riley could not be getting up a ladder. Let's get real. She's on stage in her bedroom. You better give up on that stage and lose some money. Maybe you can give it to Cynthia and she can buy a house.

Riley, why don't you get on the stage, Riley? Inappropriate, inappropriate. And we're not even at Bevy Smith yet. Oh my god. There's nothing else to say about Real Housewives of Indiana. It is so boring. Nobody cares. Phaedra and Kenya kind of like patch things up, slash they still hate each other. Candy's party

totes boring. Who cares? Oddly set up up it was just a very strange party and there was a pool in the basement and even more strangely there was a man uh painting something on a canvas i don't know if anyone noticed that surprisingly it wasn't um chef roble no nor was it a painting of riley in a basement either i think he lives in uh phaedra's rec room. Yeah, absolutely. When he's not filming his crappy Bravo reality show. Yeah.

Speaking of crappy Bravo reality shows, let's talk about the season premiere of Fashion Queen starring Eric J. Lawrence and Betty Smith. Oh, my God. I had no idea what this was supposed to be because all the promos were very cryptic. And it's basically Bravo's attempt to rip off Fashion Police. What did you guys think it was the worst show i've ever seen in my life slash i set a season pass uh i would did not set a season pass i i was like i wanted to alone you know what i really wanted to nicole nicole brown simpson myself after seeing that show it's only 22 minutes without it was the faye resnick of tv

shows here's the thing. So some lady with crazy teeth named Bevy Smith comes on. Who, by the way, and I posted this on Facebook, I think that that is actually Tracy Morgan from Saturday Night Live playing the zoologist Brian Fellows as Bevy Smith. Yeah, absolutely. Good call. It felt like public access. It felt cheaper than Watch what crap ends the podcast yeah it really did like we look like the oscars right now compared to that show you know what one thing i liked about bevy smith was every now and then she would call out derrick jay and

lawrence washington she'd call them out of them that was the best part about the show because like uh what's up with your mint green ladies suit lady yeah and derrick jay was like, what's up with your mint green lady suit, lady? Yeah. And Derek J was like, well, it's a woman's suit. He was like, but it's kind of masculine. And Lawrence was like, yeah, it's a woman's suit, but it has a masculine sort of situation. And then she was like, it's the color of mint green fro-yo. And then she'd be like, Lawrence, what's up with your bangs? You like to get banged because you're a big old homo. What?

Yeah. And then I like when she schooled lawrence on his quote-unquote vintage frock she's like if it if it's only six years old it ain't vintage it's old but that was like two two or three amusing moments and the rest was okay well first of all why does that woman talk like this hi i'm from some magazines welcome and she's like obviously reading the cue cards so they write everything for her thank god i mean she's barely getting it out but then you get to the boys and they write nothing for them they're letting them ad lib and they're you know whoever programmed the show is under the mistake that a lot of straight people make which is why i think this

is a total straight person show yeah but they think that because gay people have the gay talk you know how gay people generally have tongues too big for our mouth and we lisp and we do things like that people are like that's so funny because exactly you said it you could say like the dog ran around the corner but if you say like the dog ran around the corner. But if you say, like, that dog ran around the corner, honey. People are like, ah! I know. That's actually one of my biggest complaints with this show and everything about Miss J on Top Model, whatever. I just – I feel like Lawrence Washington is dumb.

Like, I feel like he's an actual dumb person. When he is not attached to She by Sharae's hip, I do not give a fuck. Like, I don't understand why these two are considered... He has the Sharae saying, uh-huh, yeah, you should hit her. You should slash her. You should slash her, Tav.

I don't understand why these two are considered fashion experts. There's nothing fashionable about them. I don't see them as being experts. I don't see them as being experts i don't see them as being authorities i see them as people who who see brand names they see like they are clowns and they are put on tv so that people will make fun of them and laugh at them for being ridiculous and saying ridiculous things it is setting the gay movement back 500 years and i wrote yeah i wrote the same thing in my notes i said they're

dressed like clowns and they are clowns especially lawrence i mean derrick jay he's dressed like a clown too but i thought he was a little bit more put together i mean lawrence is just like being outrageous but that's not why is that fashion why is that a fashion statement nobody should listen to these people they're horrible it's disgusting the ratings were not amazing it's probably not going to last am i going to be the only one, though, that's watching the rest of the season? Let me tell you, halfway through it, I had to pee, and normally I will press pause when

I have to go pee-pee, but I was like, fuck it. What am I going to miss on this show? I went to pee, and I closed the door, which I guess is kind of weird because I don't live with anybody. You sit down, I bet. I do. I like to sit down and read. I was sitting down and reading, and it was still playing in the other room. And this is how the show sounds from the other room.

I was like, oh, my God. Which is an elephant meeting with a rhinoceros on the National Geographic. Or the way Faye Resnick has sex. It was just ridiculous. I was like shut up it was like a symphony of stupid fagito burrito I know I think there were some times where I thought Vanderpump rules it's no gallery girls so I don't assume that you guys are going to be getting

on board but I will watch this over LA shrinks it's I would know I would watch LA shrinks first because quite frankly there's nothing going on with this show. Bevy Smith was like Brian Fellows, but she was also like a character out of In Living Color. I mean, it was almost like seeing David Alan Greer in drag.

You know, it was just ridiculous. And I feel like she's in form. It was just like seeing David Alan Greer. Yeah, it was. In a blouse. I actuallyits are probably about there by now. Yeah. You know, I actually believe that she's informed about fashion.

Every now and then, things would come out. You know, you could tell she's aware of things. The other two, I mean, they're hairstylists. That's all. Nothing more. Yeah, but you know what? Fashion is so fucking ridiculous anyway. I mean, just as a sport, it's ridiculous.

It is. What, you're going to sit there and talk about what Kesha's wearing? Who cares? Read a fucking book. Read the internet at least. Or at least be funny. At the top of the show, there were some laughs. Bevy had a few zings at the expense of the guys, but then it

fell apart. It could be fun if they stop with all these dumbass segments and they just let her be mean to them the entire half hour. Well, that would be good. That would be good. That would be good. Fingers are crossed. Is anybody watching Millionaire Matchmaker of Mine the only one watching Patty Stanger? Yes. No. I mean, no, I'm not watching it. And yes, you are

the only one. Sorry. This past episode, but they had a Bravo Top Chef alum on this past week. Yeet? Yeet from Top Chef Just Desserts. Oh, Gidget. Gidget, Gidget, the gay. From Turkey. They can

pronounce that shit yeet all they want. His ass is named Yidget. Okay? Lawrence Washington is here. Yes, that's how I'm going to say everything now, because you'll think it's funny. Oh, my God. And here we are laughing, nonetheless totally works you guys it totally works well

you guys at least watch the new season i was so nervous but they were showing they were showing promos tabitha is coming back at least yeah that's good wait wait wait wait go back to yeet yeah so now you want to talk about i want to talk about you so was he the millionaire because that's laughable. Well, she was like trying to make a case for him being a millionaire. But she's like, he's on the rise. So he is a gay millionaire in training. What do they win?

$50,000 on Top Chef, just desserts? What do they win? Exactly. And that's before taxes. And a jail term. They didn't show his house. They didn't show his car. They didn't show anything.

Clearly, he has $5. Yeah, clearly, he's like a subway. He's one of those people who takes his fucking bike onto the Subway. He's probably, in his free time, he's probably like a sandwich artist at Subway. Yeah. So did he get any love? He ended up picking some bald dude that he knew previously that was actually hot but was wearing like a similar puka shell necklace. But the problem is they're both bottoms. Oh, you know, I was really hoping that there would be some love in their life.

Although it is sort of weird talking about yeet and romance. And we were talking so much about divorce and everything. And it's, I don't know, it really makes me reflect on so many things. Hit it. Hit play. I said that we're going to be celebrating. Somebody else's. Yeah, the same day that we hear about our friends uh split so upsetting

do you know that going forward now i'm gonna have to start recording everything onto my phone because i'm just gonna want to have us just do an intro to watch what crap happens and then just play clips like that you know i think we i think i'm i think we should have little clips like that more often because there's so many funny like i'm gonna get like a million candy lines or something like riley's bedrooms got a stage oh my god anyway is there anything else you guys want to discuss before we wrap this b up global i want to know what our plan is for the week as far as what we're going to watch because there are a bunch of new shows and have we watched these shows and when does that married to medicine show come on because that's this coming sunday i want to pair that with real house come on? That starts this coming Sunday.

We are going to pair that with Real Housewives of Atlanta this coming Sunday. We are all definitely watching that. I will still be watching Fashion Queens because I am stupid. Is that on Sunday too? That's on Sunday too, isn't it? I think they're going to – because it's only a half hour. I think they're going to pair it with Watch What Happens. Excuse me. How dare I?

Black people. I know. It's just going to be Sunday night. It's going to be tea night. Black people in America, stand up for yourselves. Don't take this. Bravo is making Sunday nights more embarrassing in your history than the entire reign of the UPN. By the way, what happened to Kathy?

Even homeless in outer space? What happened to Kathy, by the way? Did that end? She got bumped to Friday nights in the late night time. Is it still airing? Yes, it is still airing. She's actually having that gross ginger from Modern Family on as a guest this week. Wow.

How's it doing in the ratings? Do we know? They moved it to Friday night at like 1130. I think that's your answer. Not a good sign. Not a good sign. Who stays in on a Friday night and watches TV? Not me, certainly.

Not me. How terrible. I don't like staying in and watch Shark Tank. No. I don't watch five reruns of House Dinners International that I have on my DVR in front of me. That's pathetic. I don't take two episodes of Judge Judy every single day, Monday through Friday, and stay home Friday night and watch all ten of them. Never.

Never. Slash home Friday night and watch all ten of them. Never. No. Never. Flash every Friday night. I go out and I just like play and have fun and have a social life. Totally. Totally. With your zinc vodka. Anyway, you guys, this has been an amazing episode.

We will have so much to talk about next week. As Ronnie hinted at, we will have the new show Married to Medicine in the mix. I'm actually also watching a little bit of Rachel Zoe, and it's a Brad Brad world, and Dukes of Melrose, but I may be alone. If you guys want us to talk about it, though, you should get on our Facebook page, which is facebook.com backslash watch what crap happens, and let us know if you want us to be talking about Rachel Zoe or Brad, or if you would prefer to save us some time in our lives where we don't want to kill ourselves, and we could just focus more on the housewives. And remember that no matter how many Chanel's you borrow, you will never be a lady.

Yeah, yeah. Thanks for listening. Bye, everyone. Bye. Wait a second. And also, get up on the Twitter. Ronnie is at TVgasm. Ben is at B-Side Blog.

I am at Iconic M-List. And our show is at What Crappens. is at B-Side Blog. I am at I Call Me M-Less. And our show is at What Crappens. Sorry, you need to talk faster. Why, bitch? I'm going to fight you. I thought you were done. Listen, on a serious note, there is something I want to talk about. Just say it right at the end. Wait, you're

making it sound like somebody's dead. Well, I just have something very serious I just want to say just right at the end here. So how sad that we're going to be celebrating... Yeah, we're going to be celebrating. Somebody else's. Yeah, the same day that we hear about our friends splitting. It's so upsetting.

I know. Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll talk to you next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the Internet. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet.

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