Watch What Crappens - #83: You're a Piece a Trash!

Episode Date: July 11, 2013

You're a Piece a Trash! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappin's, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that Just go where the wind blows every week, nearly every week. Matt Woodfield from Yahoo. Hey, Matt. Hey, Ben. Welcome back from your fantastic vacation that made me so jealous that I almost killed myself. Mahalo. Matt is at Life on the M List on all same things,

Twitter, Vine, Instagram. And also Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com. Hi, Ronnie. Hey. Welcome home, Benjamin. Thanks. Thanks, Ronnie. Hey. Welcome home, Benjamin. Thanks. Thanks, guys. It's really nice to be home.

I haven't watched – like I spent a week without watching any TV. No Big Brother, no Bravo, no nothing. And it was kind of cool. But now I'm playing catch-up and my brain is rotting away at a very rapid rate. Well, I will say we did miss you last week, but I will also say that last week's episode of Watch What Crappens was fucking hilarious. That Lisa Timmons, I kind of love her. She is funny.

You know, someone left a comment because I wrote on our Facebook page, which you should all go to, facebook.com forward slash Watch What Crappens. And I was like, hey, everyone, I'm back. I have to catch up on TV. And some people were like, welcome back. And someone was like, the most recent podcast was the funniest. And I'm like, oh, thanks. Thanks.

A few people also wrote some mean things on the Facebook page this week about the last podcast as well. And I don't know, I didn't run this past you, Ben, or you, Ronnie, beforehand. But now that we're recording too bad, I'm just going to put this out there. Our Facebook page is for all of us to have fun, and we love that you guys interact with

us, and it is a fucking party. We love it, and we love when you guys leave funny things on there, but when you leave rude things about some of our guest stars or any of us, we think you're fucking assholes, and if that's the case, stop listening to this podcast right now because you're a jerk. I'm not done, Ben. not done we do this we do this we do this for free because we enjoy this crap on bravo and we know that you guys do too and it's so

much fun don't make it not fun because you suck if you do yeah um i would i i would you know exactly what i'm talking about on that facebook page oh i know and i i think think it's funny. I mean, I guess this is the risk that we run because if we're assholes about people on TV, people will be assholes to us. We can't cast too many stones, but at least be... Yeah, but I wasn't caught in a bed in a hotel room with another man and another woman watching a movie.

Yeah. I'm doing a free podcast with a few of my friends. So anyway, my rant is over. Slash the people that continue to play this podcast. We love you. XO. We love all our listeners. But yeah, we also love our guests.

And we will stand up for our guests any day of the week. Yeah. Anyway, speaking of fights and bickering and people being assholes, there was a lot of fun on Bravo this week. I'm very happy that I caught up because we had some fun stuff on Orange County, fun stuff on Princesses, and, you know, medium fun stuff on New Jersey. You're being generous, Ben. New Jersey sucks. Well, you know, but they're sort of like working in these like new like ridiculous side characters they don't all talk like this you know so i i'm sort of enjoying this little uh this

greek chorus that's entering the scene here but um well ronnie where would you like to start this yeah ronnie where would you like to start um let's start with o c y'all he was the best o c was hilarious love it i gotta I got to give a plug also. Ronnie, your new site, Trash Talk TV, is my daily destination because what you are doing on there by putting the copy on top of the screen grabs from the Orange County Housewives is hilarious. Like the Tamara Barney from a few weeks ago with a despicable me too. Um, advertisement was amazing, but like the Vicky,

the Vicky one killed me. I'm going to it right now. Oh, thank you. Oh, he's talking about the Instagram. Um, thank you.

I love doing that. It's better than it's more fun than tweeting stuff because people get mad because when I live tweet something, I type so fast, I'll, I'll tweet like, you know, it kills their whole feed.

So these take me longer to do to like put little things on. Yeah, I'm kind of over Twitter. Instagram is way more fun. First of all, you get to see Ben shirtless in Hawaii, which it wasn't a selfie because somebody had to take that photo. Ben didn't have the phone in the water, but I don't put that past Ben either. And also Instagram is just kind of, I don't know, Instagram's more fun. I sometimes then tweet out my Instagram photos, and I kind of retweeted the one that you did of Vicky recently, Ronnie. And I said something about how she was the abominable snow bitch and that I was team Laurie Wearing Peterson.

And somebody wrote back something nasty on Twitter like, ugh, you would be a Laurie fan. What does that mean? What does that mean? Come on. I like injectable lips. We'll get to Jeff Lewis in a little bit. Come on. You like money.

What's wrong with that? I like money and I like gold. I like gold diggers except for Kanye West. Yeah. I like gold diggers except for Kanye West. Yeah. I have to say, Laurie is definitely making her mark more so than she ever has before.

She's like, oh shit, I've been gone for four seasons. Let me get in here and cause some serious drama. Because every week, she just drops another bomb on these ladies. Like, oh, you know what? I kind of heard that maybe Brooks was doing some porn. I kind of heard that maybe she was in bed with some people. I didn't say they were having sex, but I just kind of heard that.

I mean, I didn't say anything. I just heard it. She's making up for lost time, and I don't blame her. And speaking of, were you caught in any beds with extra people on your vacation? I need to know how your vacation was. The vacation was amazing. I was caught in bed with various women um but i can assure you that nothing happened boring ronnie let's talk about your vacation aka your family's in town

oh my god i'm so tired children you guys texas keep choice keep Keep it. Children are hard. Not everybody can raise children, you guys. They are difficult. Ronnie, but you are posting vines with what I'm assuming is one of your nieces, and it is adorable. Are those the ones in Disneyland? Yeah, she's so cute. Yeah, those kids are really cute. I'm not saying that they should have been aborted. I'm just saying in general, like, not everyone is meant to raise those things.

I mean, they are difficult. And being at Disneyland with all those other kids that other people raise, I mean, that's really gross. Well, here's my main question. Did you have your, is that your sister and her children sit down and watch The Real Housewives with you? Or is that inappropriate viewing for the kids? Oh my god, I wish. But I come from a very Christian, Christianic family, and there will be no Housewives for children in my family. Well, so does Teresa Giudice, yet all of her daughters clearly watch the show because they're acting for the screen and they know way too much about Teresa's problems. Listen, everyone watches this show. I think I think everyone has to come to terms with the fact that everyone watches these shows.

I think the numbers, the ratings don't even really reflect how much people watch The Real Housewives. It's shocking. Everyone watches them. Everyone has an opinion about these women. Yeah, I think so too. Well, my niece Aubrey does know that she hates Teresa but only because I've told her that she hates Teresa. Oh, good. You're such a good gunkle.

Yeah. Yeah, they're so cute. I'm having so much fun with them. But bye, go home. That was really fun. The uncle is tired. I am too fat and too old to be walking around. I've been in the sun every day.

I don't think I've left my house this much, God, maybe since the 90s when I was homeless. Sunlight is a scary thing. It's too much. I've aged. I have sunspots I just feel like Miss Daisy but no one's driving me I'm just alone I'm just like Miss Daisy without a ride or an Oscar

well I have to say I've been I have been even though I said my brain was rotting I have been thoroughly enjoying being able to just sit in one place for several hours and watch TV because I admit it you missed Vicky oh my god I missed it so much because I am... Admit it. Admit it. You missed Vicky. Oh my god, I missed it so much because I saw on Ronnie's Instagram

and yours too, I don't remember where they were coming from, but I kept seeing these Vicky things and she was dressed like a snow bunny and all this stuff all week long and I was like, I cannot wait to watch Real Housewives of Orange County. Like, fuck this paradise of Kauai. I want to be in Los Angeles watching TV.

I've been in Hawaii multiple times and i do recall them having cable television yeah well not kawaii i'm telling you kawaii is like it's like one volt of electricity beyond like an armish farmer like ville it's like it is like everything closes down early there i mean it's a miracle that there's even like fresh produce well not fresh produce like groceries it is beautiful produce, but groceries. It is beautiful. It is so fun. I had an amazing hot dog there. I had great fish tacos. Was there

any trash rolling up onto the shores from the earthquake slash tsunami or whatever happened in Japan? I saw no trash. Except for yourself. Except for yourself. I did go to an ice cream shop, and there was a really strange guy behind the counter there. A lot of weird hippies on the island.

And this guy, and I mentioned this on my other podcast. Did you give him my number? No, I don't think so. He's this guy, and he was saying he's originally from Hollywood. He's like, I'm from Hollywood, too. Everyone's happy and cheerful and getting samples. And he goes, not to bring it down, but Sunset in Highland

is where my sister was murdered. Yeah, that's bringing it down. What do you mean not to bring it down? That is bringing it down. Because that's six houses away from where we live. Yeah, exactly. I was like, ugh. This has nothing to do with Bravo, so I apologize. My brain

is still, I think, somewhere over the Pacific. So I'm trying to get back up to do with Bravo so I apologize my brain is still I think like somewhere over the Pacific so I'm trying to get back up to speed with my banter skills okay well speaking of morons let's get to Orange County it was an amazing episode I'm going on record as saying this is one of the best seasons ever of Real Housewives of Orange County it is so back it is so back because when Vicky screams our hearts sing. Did anyone record that because I did not record that soundbite. Hello have you checked out my Vine Life on the End list recently? I know that's what I thought. I was hoping

that you could have that queued up because that was probably one of my favorite little soundbites of the year. Okay well let's start off with the beginning of the episode and then I'll try to queue that up on Vine because I was really missing the ball right there. Well the beginning of the episode by the way I think it was like, it was great. That was for like Heather's time to shine.

She's like, you know, I only have six hours on this vacation, so I'm just going to be like hideous right off the bat. If you're referring, if you mean time to shine as solidifying the fact that she's a horrible, horrible bitch, then yes. Yes. No kidding. And not only that, but like completely desperate for airtime. Like really, you're going to, and you know, in Heather's mind, like she's only showing then yes yes no kidding and not only that but like completely desperate for airtime like really

you're gonna and you know in heather's mind like she's only showing up for six hours because she's got to work but she's showing up because this is work this is a job you guys real housewives of orange county is an acting job and she is a professional and even if she only has six hours she is going to show up and she's going to do it shut up heather it's not an acting job all right it's some reality show you're going to get paid the same amount whether or not you show up or not take a break okay we could use the six hours without you and i and i have to say also so the big thing was that she was bragging about the fact that she got a role on malibu country which is which p.s canceled yes thank you but my favorite part by the way of last week's episode was when she announced it and

she's like reba mcintyre and vicky's like reba mcintyre and she goes i'm a country girl i'm a country girl so uh so anyway yeah she is country vicky i'll give her that they're all country girls who ended up marrying rich dudes moving to southern california getting breast implants fake lips and then like i mean at least they still remember their roots, right? Their dark black roots, because they're all fake-ass blonde bitches. Anyway, go on. So anyway, so the big stupid controversy the first part of the episode was that

Gretchen had said that she'd been approached for a role on Malibu Country, and so at first I thought, you know, everyone was like, oh my god, Gretchen's a liar. Why would she do that? You know, they were manufacturing the drama. I don't mean the the producers i mean the women were like so desperate to have some drama in their lives they were actually being why would she lie she's a liar face but then i have to say i actually felt like i thought gretchen was not lying i thought

she was like yeah they called me and i was like yeah i don't know i can do it you know what did you guys think did you think that gretchen was lying no she wasn't lying at all and then the alexis piped up from the back seat and she was like, oh yeah, they called my people too. It was hilarious. I cracked up at that. And Heather, the thing is this, the way Heather brought the whole thing up was so awkward and clunky because she wanted to

brag and say, hey everyone, I got this role. And she also wanted to say to those two girls, stop lying. You don't have a role. I have a role. But she didn't really just full-on say it. She just sort of awkwardly stumbled her way through saying something like, well, I guess you were,

you said you had a role, but you don't. So I don't know what that's all about, but I think you don't, so... It was so awkward. Well, it wasn't the same role, guys. It wasn't the same role. I mean, Gretchen just offered something that was two lines. And so was Alexis.

But I was offered a real role. I had like four lines. I was like, Heather, no one was questioning you or them. Like everyone was just like. But Ben, we're saying that now. Why don't they cut to like a confessional of like Lydia or Vicky saying like, what is this bitch's problem? Like we got it when you clarified it for the seventh time. I know.

Well, when is she going to realize that she's not getting these roles because of her ability as an actress? It's because she's on the real houses of Orange County and these sitcoms, these crappy sitcoms keep making fun of them. You know, you know, I love when people, you know, when Lori, you know, goes after Vicky and Tamara, all that craziness. But when is somebody going to put Heather on blast? Because she needs it more than any of those dummies. Oh, it'll come around. Well, unfortunately, the only one who's put her on blast has been Alexis, and she's too stupid to know how to do it right. Truth.

Truth. Hashtag it. Poor Alexis. I know. But I'm loving Alexis being back in the mix with the girls. Yeah, me too. I was dying watching Alexis. First of all, that little Swarovski crystal Bible that she gave. First of all, that was not even alexis first of all that little swarsky crystal bible that she

gets first of all that was not even a crystal bible that was plastic beads yeah i love that anybody puts some like shiny thing on something and they call it swarovski and it's really not it's never that she thinks that it's actually a country this came from swarsky she's like this is for you is to protect us on our ski trip shut up you do not need protection you've got some woman that you're paying to do your makeup you still got a house you know what i think alexis is actually proof that we should all be praying because that bitch is still housed she's clothed she's still driving nice cars you guys prayer works we're marking up the wrong tree yeah uh she got she got her wish to to uh have a trampoline stadium so she's really it works

um yeah but i'm loving having her back with the women and just having her judge them you know like threesome oh fanning herself like i can't believe that someone even said that word in front of me so so i guess so this is they go up to whistler and with lydia's hot uncle hot uncle who by the way looks exactly like her brother so there's that too you mean her husband her husband they probably all look the same just the varying you can tell their difference by the size of their teeth The young ones have the biggest teeth The older ones have lost them

Because of hockey But who knew that Lydia was Canadian Add her to the secretly Canadian list I know I love Lydia I think that she is I think she's actually the brightest of all the women Well so far.

Of course. I mean – Okay. For now. She is. Now, admittedly, it's a low bar. I mean, honestly, I could pull like a seashell out of the ocean and be like, well, this one's smarter than all the women too. I was going to say.

I don't know how we're judging this, but I'll go with that for now. I know. It's like – never mind. I was about to say something very un-pc i will just stop it right there but the point is that they're all idiots and she's slightly less of an idiot yeah i'm really enjoying her so far i think she's really funny i was really hoping she was going to be more of like a bible beater or more of more of something yeah right now she's like the perfect blend of like silly and shit stirring like she's actually doing a really good job as a housewife so and i do like i do like that she

stands up for herself too i know that was a few weeks ago with the whole slade fiasco but she does i'm glad to see that she also has that uh that element and she also articulates herself well yeah and she's not going to take any crap from Gretchen at all, which I love. She's calling her out every second for the sense of her boyfriend, her douchebag boyfriend. What did you guys think about Gretchen's ski outfit, that big white pantsuit with the furry pants on?

I loved it too, I have to say. I thought that was great. I hate Gretchen, but I love a hot white jumpsuit. Me too. I was down with that. I think it was like the TJ Maxx version of Lisa's ski suit. You know, that big fur white suit. It's like the poor version of that.

Listen, anytime you mention Gretchen, it's automatically assumed that it's the TJ Maxx version of... You don't have to say it, Ronnie. It's like, oh, look, Gretchen is wearing a nice pair of pants. It's the TJ Maxx version of anyone else's nice version. Wow, what a nice flabbit hat. Yeah, exactly. Lisa removed all of the true mink from hers, and Gretchen stapled some cotton balls to the ends.

Oh, it's fur. It's fur, I promise. Listen, let's just be happy she didn't go down the slopes in a pair of fleur-de-lis, you know? Just strap them onto her feet and just... Oh, you know under all of that they're all wearing fleur-de-lis-assed, like knock-off Juicy Coacher sweatpants.

And she's probably handing out little, like, you know, goblets that say sassy ski bitch on them. Or she's handing out like wooden etchings that just say like winter. By the way, I will say this.

Gretchen would have loved kawaii because everywhere were chickens and roosters. Like she would have thought that she was on drugs. Like all of her rooster art in her kitchen had come to life.

You guys, I make so much fun of them as you do, but then I look in my kitchen and I have rooster plates on like little easels in her kitchen had come to life. You guys, I make so much fun of them as you do, but then I look in my kitchen and I have rooster plates on, like, little easels in my kitchen. So I am just as bad. You do not have that.

Yes, I have three rooster plates in my kitchen. Okay, to be fair, though, I've seen your place and it's very classy and very well decorated. You're allowed to have, like, one thing here or there. You know, that's TJ Maxx-y in that style. Oh, mine were not bought at TJ Maxx to clarify they were bought in like uh santa barbara at a glamorous store but they still could pass they could still pass for a marshall's red tag sale either way the point is this you do it with taste and you and and it's okay and on top of that to uh to pull out vicky's

favorite term we're all hypocrites it's okay it's okay we're on top of that, to pull out Vicky's favorite term, we're all hypocrites. It's okay. It's okay. We're all hypocrites. Thank you for confirming what we all know. Oh, my God. Okay. So let's get to that fight.

And then if we want to talk about the other stuff, like how odd that uncle looked, then we can do that in a minute. But I think you just covered it. Let's move on. I thought he was hot. Awkwardly hot. Well, I guess, you know, he wasn't ugly. I'm not saying he's ugly or anything. I just, I guess I was kind of impressed more than anything because he's the first guy with a ton of facial, like, Botox and fillers that I think actually looked good.

Because normally I think men shouldn't have that and it makes them look creepy. But this guy had a lot of it and he actually looked quite nice with it. I didn't even notice that he had that. I just assumed it was just all hockey scars and everything. Oh, no, no. It's all in the neck. It's all in the neck. He had a sleeping bag neck.

Oh. The other thing was I couldn't tell if he was 30 or if he was 72. Yeah, he was like 72. It was weird. It was going back and forth. But it worked for him. I will say this. Before we get to that fight, my favorite part of that interaction with the uncle is that when Gretchen was like,

So, you know anything about Canada? And he was like, yeah, I know things about Canada. And then she asked some other dumb question. And then in the interview, she was like, well, I'm sorry if I want, if I'm culturally interested in this country. I'm like, no, bitch, you're not culturally interested whatsoever. You're just a terrible conversationalist. Yeah, she was just counting down the seconds

until she could put her skinny little bony ass in that jumpsuit. And that was also another scene where they had absolutely nothing to say for like a good stretch of two minutes at a time. And Bravo's editors were awesome because they let the fucking crickets chirp. It was so painful. It was like, yeah, none of us really are friends, but we're all sitting in this living room together because we're getting paid to yeah exactly and i just love that it's such a fun season even with that obvious like boredom with each other yeah so much fun to watch why do you

think wait before we get the big fight why do you think this season what what makes this season have that like intangible energy that makes it an awesome season l Laurie Peterson. You think it's just Laurie? I love Laurie. Well, we were liking it before she even came back. Yeah, that's the thing. I think that it's because it's not all about these stupid fights. I mean, they're there, but they're just being characters. They're just kind of letting them be silly.

But for some reason, it's working. I mean, we have Lydia, but Lydia hasn't like – she's not like a kenya moore where she's come in and turned everything upside down she's there and she sort of adds the fun but like you know we had pretty much the same cast as last year and last year was like a snooze fest well in a way i think it's actually kind of the realist of the franchises because i do think they just turn the cameras on and let them live their lives. And it doesn't seem so necessarily over the top as Beverly Hills or as Atlanta. But I just feel I feel like Jersey as much as I don't like this season because it's boring

because they're boring. I feel Jersey and OC are actually the ones that are the most authentic. Yeah. And they're yeah, perhaps that's I mean, that's a good point. I don't know. But this this season is just it's like it's working, even. Even though every scene is just hilarious, everything is making me laugh. And I think maybe also these women are perhaps the pettiest of all the women on all the housewives. The fact, getting back to that whole Malibu country thing, the fact that Gretchen said something where she probably misunderstood, she probably misconstconstrued something one of her indiscrepancies you know and uh the fact that these women jumped on it and turned it

into an issue that gretchen is always such a liar and why she's such a liar and we work so hard to get past all this stuff that to me is hilarious i love when they do that yeah it's just so silly and the fights are so petty and the he Heather thing was really hilarious because Heather holds herself to a higher standard. You know, she's like, she thinks she's so classy and so above it all. So to see her being such a cheesy piece of shit and thinking she's so great for getting some role that went out on like Actors Access website that was like, we need a housewife. Like anybody who represents a housewife in the tri-state area, please. She probably just got confused. She probably just got a circular from the Malibu Country Mart and thought it was a casting gig.

She was probably in the Malibu Country Mart and someone was like, Do you know Reba McEntire? We need somebody to be in the set this week. She's like, I'll do it. I love that you gave her the Adrian Malif voice. She's got that gravelly voice. Jabbaquah. Yeah. And I like the part where she was like, yeah, I mean, I was so tired, I needed toothpicks to keep my eyes open.

Bitch, I've never seen your eyes closed. She's got the whitest, darkest, death-glarious eyes. She's like a death eater. Oh, good. So, okay, so let's get to the big fight so we're up on the mountains everyone is skiing or in lydia's case she's snowboarding and uh lexus is falling on her head oh can i ask you something about that so when did skiing become an old person yeah what's up with that lydia's like who skis i mean what generation are we in people snowboard now skiing what i mean i've heard of snow like people snowboarding and everything but i thought they

were like two different things i have never skied nor snore snore boarded in my life snore boarding sounds like a certain in my life i've never done either but i mean i kind of want to go take a snowboard lesson i I have never snowboarded. I have attempted to ski a few times in my life, and I am horrific at it. I once skied into a river almost, and then another time. I have never been able to get beyond the bunny hill. I was actually impressed with Alexis that she was able to go as far as she was able to because I can't do that. I mean, I don't understand why people would want a vacation where it's cold outside.

Yeah. But it's like they said. It's like hot and cold. Well, because you do all that. The adrenaline is the speed. And at the end, you have some hot cocoa. I'd rather lay out and have a pool boy bring me a big old drink. When I was in youth group as a kid, we used to have to go on these snow trips.

And I really hated them, too, except at nighttime because everybody because everybody would like sleep really close to each other to keep warm so you got to cop a feel when you were a child yeah it was like the first time i felt other boners wow so you had like multiple partners you're caught in bed huh how dare you we were watching tv but i love laurie's answer well i never said they were having sex maybe they were just in bed watching tv well look what are you saying you but you guys do know that gretchen did kind of take that story and stretch it yeah well yeah but when laurie was telling her all that stuff she was basically saying i mean she did say i didn't technically see them doing anything maybe they weren't she did say that but she was also well, you know, she's always had multiple partners.

She's always. You can't tell Gretchen something like that. Gretchen only knows a few words. If you say multiple partners to Gretchen, she's, you know, she's like having flashbacks to like juggling dicks in the Hooters. Can you guys hear that or not? I can hear it. I can hear it. It's good. Can you guys hear that or not? Is that playing or not? I can hear it. I can hear it.

It's good. Anyway, have you guys ever had multiple partners in your lives? I haven't. But, you know, I love the fact that that's what offended Vicky the most. Like, she's like, have I cheated? Yes. Multiple partners? Absolutely not.

Like, I forget the cheating thing, Vicky. Like, don't even worry about the rest. That's fine. most like she's like have i cheated yes multiple partners absolutely not like that's the multiple i forget the cheating thing vicky like don't even worry about the rest that's fine you already had your big indiscrepancy yeah she basically totally came out of the closet with those rumors being true that her and don were always swingers the whole time yeah i mean that's always been the rumor about vicky so she basically just like brushed that one to the table and then screamed as loudly as possible like nothing ever happened i love it do you think do you think do you think she can get in trouble for like talking about don now on the show and saying that he slept around or is that like too bad so sad wasn't don the one like caught at a swingers club i don't think yeah i think i think the damage

has been these people are all too dumb to figure out liability but anyway i i guess the way it all started was that you know someone told someone told Tamara this, right? I guess Gretchen told Tamara. And then Tamara is sitting there on the slopes. And by the way, all this is happening when they have these gigantic

like ski masks and glasses on. It looks ridiculous. Which makes it even better. Yeah. And Tamara's like, oh, I don't know. I feel like I should tell Vicky this. I don't know.

I don't know. As if she is like being some wonderful friend. And why would she tell Vicky this. I don't know. I don't know. As if she is like being some wonderful friend. Why would she tell Vicky on the slopes in the middle of a fun day of skiing? Why would she tell her that? I mean, obviously the producer told her to tell her. But I just loved how she was like acting like she was so tortured. Like she didn't know what to do.

It's like, I'll tell you what to do. Pull her aside off camera and tell her these things. Yeah, exactly. That would never happen. Yeah, she'd only give a dollar to a homeless person if yeah exactly that would never happen yeah she'd only give a dollar to a homeless person if it was on camera otherwise she'd just like throw a diet coke can at their heads she's one of those well i love that once once once vicky started yelling and screaming at gretchen and laurie um i loved how like in the middle of it lydia just like glides

in and just wipes out in front of them all she's like hey what are you guys talking about it was like the most random image. The camera just pans down and Lydia's just on the ground covered in snow, getting up like, hey! I love Vicky. Oh, not cool. Not cool, Lori.

Hi, Lori. Not cool, Lori. And then Lori, whatever cheap-ass filler she was using in her lips got frozen in that snow. Did you notice that? She could not move the upper lip. She totally had Joaquin Phoenix lip. It was totally deformed and wouldn't move.

She had cleft palate problems. She did. It was like watching The Master with way worse acting. I mean, the mask. Both. It was a mixture of both. It was like a mashup horrific because she really is kind of a mixture of mask and the master

little you know maybe a little gladiator thrown in well i thought laurie handled it so well she did actually and i love that she said well you know i mean i did the way that gretchen made it sound i feel betrayed yes yes laurie you totally went to Gretchen made it sound, I feel betrayed. Yes, yes, Laurie. You totally went to Gretchen with all that, with great intentions. And then Gretchen had the nerve to betray you. But now Gretchen has pissed off Laurie, who is going to be coming out for blood. And now everybody officially hates Gretchen. She doesn't even have the new girl to be nice to her.

Everybody hates her. But Ronnie, that makes you so happy. Because I think out of everybody here, you hate Gretchen with all of your being. I don't. I think Gretchen's so funny. I like Gretchen because she's so – I think Gretchen's just – I like her because she's funny, but I hate her for dating Slade. Like, I know that she's a horrible person.

Like, if she got run over, I don't think I'd be able to cry because it would be one of the – I would think it was fair. Yeah. Well, then. Okay. But I don't hate i'd be able to cry because it would be one of the i would think it was fair yeah well then okay but i don't hate her you know does that make sense well i i kind of do hate her i used to i used to think she was one of the best she she used to be very funny but she's become like a little snot and i just i really loathe her now and I know someone wrote a comment about why is it every single time we podcast, my freaking landline rings. Hookers. Hookers. You still have a landline. Lydia would not approve.

She likes things young. Young people do not have landlines. Young people have cell phones and snowboards. And pagers. Who is it? MJ, coming for a slider. I saw Mike Shabood or whatever. He's always at the Starbucks.

Where? Why aren't you starting our podcast with celebrity sightings? Because he's always at the Starbucks that I go to down the street, but only when I go early in the morning and I was up early today. You go to like the gayest Starbucks in all of Los Angeles. Why does he go there? Oh God, he's so gay. In real life, he really looks gay. Is that because he's a playgirl?

Anybody that does playgirls gay, right? Well, they're at least gay-ish. I mean, they had to suck a dick on set, right? Isn't that how that works? I would assume so. Yeah, I think that's the craft services there. Yeah.

Dick dicks. How did you guys get onto this? I had to wait for one second to shut off that phone. And I come back and you guys are talking about Mike from Shots of Sunset. Oh, because he said that MJ was calling you for a slider. And I said, I saw MJ at Starbucks. She probably was. I saw Mike at Starbucks.

She probably was. So like Starbucks. She probably was. So, well, well, well, you guys. Well, well, well. We were just talking about the fight. I love fights like these when I love when Vicky gets pushed to the point where she screams random phrases in her super loud, screechy voice. That's like

my favorite thing. And I think, weren't we going to try to learn how to do that voice, but we never did it, right? No, I don't think it's even imitatable i think it's no human being can actually make that it's like you know like certain things like only dogs can hear there's certain things that only vicky can noise that vicky can make it's like nasa should should take her in for studying to figure out how to use her to communicate with whatever aliens are on the other side of the universe that respond to those frequencies and noises. They probably have been using it.

They've probably been using clips of it, and that's why we haven't been attacked yet. It's like keeping the aliens afraid. Yeah. They just use it at, like, Guantanamo Bay. I am a Hufflepuff artist! Like, okay, okay, we're going to blow up a plane. I'm, like, okay, we're going to blow up a plane. I'm like a Thai terrorist. So let's talk about that fight some more,

because it was my favorite thing that's happened all year, because the fight was completely blown out of proportion and misunderstood. Whatever Vicky heard was such a gross exaggeration of what Lori said, and then Lori explaining it was just like, whatever, really, Vicky? Because that's how they argue on the OC. Really? Really? Really? Uh-oh, who got hung?

That sounded like Macca. Macca kicked off. Oh, Matthew, you little troublemaker. Where's little Macca? That's because he's old. Young people do not lose calls on Skype. What generation is this? I know. The only people who lose calls on Skype are skiers and stupid people.

Well, it looks like it's thinking about reconnecting with Matt. It's thinking about. It's like all of us. Do we want to reconnect with Matt? Matt. We do, Matt. Come back. I think Matt's restart... It's like all of us. Do we want to reconnect with Matt? Matt. We do, Matt. Come back. I think Matt's restarting his computer because he completely disappeared. Yeah. I'm going to try to add him

to the call again. Oh, God. Technology, you're so ridiculous. Did that get everybody or just me? Just you. Really? Did that... Like I say, that as if a hurricane came through. A tornado. You hit by it?

No. Well, it happens every time. Stupid technology hates us. I know. So the fight was stupid, and Lori's fight back was, Really? Really? Really, Vicky?

Really? And Vicky's fight is like, I know stuff about you, too! I'm going to tell people stuff about you, too! I know everybody's a big liar! God damn it! Love it. Okay, well then, here's the question. about you too i'm gonna tell people stuff about you too i know everybody's a great lie god damn it love it um okay well then here's the question why didn't vicky then drop any bombs i think that we all know laurie's bombs i mean jesus she like gave a heroin baby up like she just handed it to

some homeless person on the street and walked on like it was nothing her kids are like all fucked up one of her kids friends with a porn star who's fucking i mean i don't know is anything good happening with laurie that would be the real secret plus you have to yeah you also have to yeah that is plus the the truth is that you know that's just vicky's like standard like comeback thing like you know if like she doesn't get her coffee at starbucks she's like, What if I don't get this coffee? I know all about you! I know all about you! What's that? Oh, don't you start with me! I did not have

multiple coffees! I was just watching a movie with those cups of coffee! Oh, I love that. I want a frappuccino! I do not! Okay, so suddenly she's becoming Thomas Kramer from Real Housewives of Miami. But you know what?

I'm trying to make it more of a feminine Thomas Kramer because they actually are very similar. Thomas Kramer's like this! Vicky's like this! Yeah, Thomas Kramer's like, Seat down! Shut up! Or go home! And Vicky's like,

I have never had multiple partners in my life that sounds exactly the difference sit down shut up that's thomas kramer and vicky is okay by the way i have a new neighbor next door she moved in like two days ago when i was she already moved out she just moved out right now. I met him yesterday. Are you sure? He's a very nice guy. Now he thinks I'm crazy. Wait, wait, wait.

How old is he? He's like our age. I guarantee he thinks I'm crazy. I'm going to have to tell him. Listen, I sometimes do this podcast. I do weird voices. Don't be freaked out. What are his stats?

I have never had multiple partners in my life! I have never had multiple neighbors in my life! I like that the way she tries to win a fight is going, Okay, Laurie, you know what, Laurie? You're not coming to dinner, okay? You're going to stay in your room, and you're not going to eat dinner. That's what's going to happen. It's like, what?

You don't want to have dinner? You don't want to have multiple dinners? You don't get to tell me if I get to eat dinner and not you crazy bitch that kills me what was the other crazy thing she said towards the end of the fight she was talking to someone and she started going crazy voice again for no reason it's when tamra pulled her aside and tamra was trying to explain how it went down and vicky lost her shit again about nothing it was she's a piece of trash! She's like Lucille Bluth. You know that episode where she's in the Bluth's model home and she's talking about Lucille Lestero.

She goes, that bitch! They're like, she's not next door. You don't have to. She doesn't live next door when you're at this house. Oh my god, Vicky is hilarious. So I hope all these secrets about Vicky keep coming out because they are killing me. And I love that Vicky you know what vicky did get her face fixed because she was made fun of on tv and you know she does do all of this stuff because she's so insecure at the same time

on the other hand however she also has enough self-confidence to like have threesomes and get laid all over town i mean i don't think i've ever heard a sexual history of any housewife quite like vicky's i mean nini was a stripper but she admitted that you know she's like so what i was a stripper whatever i found an old man he had money we got married i was done but vicky i mean jesus vicky's vicky's vicky's a dick juggler basically Vicky's a dick month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because

on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold

and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will,

she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. They're gone off the phone. You know what that means. It's time to see. Okay, you guys, we were cut off that whole time. So whatever you were saying, and I wasn't responding.

The last thing I said was that Vicky is a dick juggler. And I said, who are these men in the middle of the country who don't have any options that are any better than Vicky that they have to go sleep with her on these convention trips? And then I said, okay, fine. Oh no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No, you said it.

It's fine. No, it doesn't matter now. Now it's dead, Matthew. Now it's dead in the middle of the road. Matt, that was Ronnie who cut you off, not me. I know. Trust me, I'm jotting a note. I'm sorry. Because I keep a diary of when I get, you know, what is it I was going to say. I'm not cut off. This way when we're on the mountain skiing, when we're skiing down Shut Up Mountain,

that way you can tell Ronnie that you know all sorts of shit about him, like, every single time. Well, actually, I'm not the only one who didn't hear it. The entire audience didn't hear it, you guys. So let's start that again. Okay, let's pretend that never happened, okay? Rewind. You know, Vicky has assorted sexual history. She is a dick juggler.

I want to know who are these men in the middle of the country who have no better options than Vicky Gumbelson. I mean, like, she's getting laid all the time. Who are these guys that are like, well, I guess let's stick it into Vicky, the old Vicky sack. You know, like, why don't they have any better options than Vicky? I believe you are asking the wrong crowd, seeing as Ronnie and I are not attracted to men who wear pleated, stain-resistant dockers and button-down polo shirts from an outlet mall. Well, I think that Vicky has luck. This is where Vicky is finding these men. They're literally toothless, short, balding people from Oklahoma who are deadbeat dads.

I mean, it's like the least classy thing you can imagine. You'd be like, to your worst enemy, you'd be like, I hope you end up with a short, bald, deadbeat dad with no teeth from Oklahoma. That's what happened. Vicky's a player. You know, at the end of this, you do have to appreciate that she

gets a lot of ass. A lot of ass. And I mean, probably like donkeys, like actual donkeys that she gets. Play on, player. That's what I say. She was the one who knew all about the donkey show. Come on, guys. There's donkey shows.

Donkeys are trained, too. Why shouldn't donkeys have the right to work? Come on, let's go to Andalusia. I've never had multiple donkeys! Well, if she wanted to go to Andalusia, I'm surprised Vicky didn't find the nearest Andalais in the ski town. I know. Oh, man.

Oh, man. You are not coming to dinner. You are not coming to Andalais. Okay, so what else happened in that episode? The fight was fun. I love that stupid midget bitch. What's her name? The short, evil, scrumpled one who got a bitch taken out.

Tamra. I love that Tamra is just still trying to hold on to this thing where she's a good person. She's like, oh my god, I just walked away from a fight, you guys. Let's make some snow angels, really. Shut up, Tamra. Snow angels. I hate Tamra. I still, till the day I die, Tamra will be my least favorite.

She is a piece of trash. Yeah. Yeah, she's a horror show. So what else happened on that episode? That was pretty much it, right? Yeah, that was it. So we have a hard out at 545, so let's move on to Princesses. Oh, my gosh.

That's really fast, 545. Okay, Princesses. We only have 20 minutes left. So Princesses, I continue to love this show. If you want to compare and contrast fights, you look at the way they fight on the O.C. They look at the way they fight on Princesses. It's just sort of like a few slaps and some angry words. And that's pretty much about it on the streets of Great Neck, which I think is hilarious.

This was the week that we finally got to see that clip that's been shown every single week since the show began, which is Chanel spit-crying, like sobbing so hard that spit was flying out of her mouth because her sister is getting married, and she's not. And I just thought that that was so pathetic!

Come on, women! Stop! There's nothing worse than a spit-crier or a mouth breather. Who wants to get married? I blame Bravo for taking the self-respect of women. I mean, do you guys remember before Bravo started airing these stupid shows how strong and powerful women were? Were they? I can't even remember anymore. Yeah, because you're brainwashed now.

Women have totally had their nuts chopped off by Bravo. Look at how women are now. These are women who have been raised on Bravo. They think that all you need in life is a man with a job. So disgusting. Oh my goodness. Princesses does a lot to ruin the progress of Jews and women. And it's hilarious. I love it. Well, did the beginning, was this the episode that at the beginning they showed the speed dating with Joey, Ashley, and that blonde evil monster?

Yeah, that was this week. Why are, what's the blonde girl again? Casey. Why are Casey and Ashley such bitches to Joey? I don't, I just don't get it. Joey is my favorite. Because Joey's south shore and they're north shore. Okay, well, guess what?

Joey's pretty and they're both ugly. Yeah. Yeah, Ashley is really disgusting. That's why they're mean to her, by the way. You just answered it. She's pretty and they're ugly. Yeah. Don't you know the way girls work?

Don't you know the way girls operate? Well, Ashley is pretty judgment all you need on that show. Don't you know the way girls work? Don't you know the way girls operate? Well, Ashley, you know, Ashley's pretty judgmental about how classy people are. She's basically talking every week about how fuckable her dad is, which is really not very classy in the first place. Then she's going speed dating and comparing everybody to her dad. I thought at least the other girl was pretty funny. She knew she's not going to bone any of the guys. So I liked that she was like, how big's your dick? Yeah, I mean, hello, have you guys ever gone speed dating i actually have gone no i haven't how was it so i went to this loft in downtown la maybe like two two and

a half years ago i paid like 20 30 bucks and i went there and by the way everybody was heinous so i was like okay i'm not getting laid tonight. Whatever. In downtown LA, you get like two free drink tickets. I'm getting my fucking drinks. Like I'm not going to leave. So I'm drinking two beers and I'm like, I'm just going to be wildly inappropriate. Why not?

Who cares, right? Right, right. So I did. And then at the end of the night, you write down a little card. Like these are like the three or five people that I'm interested in as friends or as lovers or as nothing. And like too many of them contacted me even though I was being dirty and lascivious but in a joking manner. And I just felt like I let them on and I was a horrible whore. Wait a second. I thought they can only contact you if there's mutual interest.

Well, I guess that means I might have said yes to a few of them. Someone had a few more than his drink tickets allowed. Okay, there was two that I was considering, even though they were way too old for me. Well, what probably happens is that when you're in a situation like that where everyone's awful, you just lower your kind of standards, and then someone who you would never give a second thought to, you're like, well, no, it seems all right. Yeah, I guess I could have them. You guys, the three of us should go do it again.

It would be hilarious. Oh, that would be hilarious. And we'll pretend that we don't know each other. Yeah, I would totally do it. Ronnie, are you in? Yeah, I'm in. Just for the record, every date for me is a speed date. It's because you leave quickly or because you get off quickly?

I just get bored so fast. I just get bored so fast. I'm like, what do you do? Oh, God, I hate this. I want to go home. There's TV on. I need to cuddle with my dog. I'm dating internet porn.

We're very happy together. It doesn't support me. I don't support it. It always gets you exactly what you want. Yeah, exactly. It only requires five minutes a day of my time. Love him. Five minutes? You don't like to edge?

No. I get bored. Oh, I forgot what edging is. Did I just make Ben clutch his pearls? You made me clutch my pearls a little bit. I think he's told me what that is before. What is it, edging? What is it? You ride the edge between having everything in you and having everything out of you.

What does that mean? Now I'm clutching mine. It means you're sort of like... You're on the edge of glory, Gaga, and you're not there. I don't know what you mean. Rather than releasing, rather than having a big explosive release, you hold on tight and you enjoy the the pre-release experience oh is that a thing that people do that's that's what woody harrelson's always talking about

he's like yeah i'm not talking yeah he says that he doesn't he doesn't um climax he just holds on to it and holds on to it because it's better for his soul and then every once in a while he'll climax it's like the most amazing thing ever and i'm like um woody harrelson you're an alcoholic and that's why you're not climaxing ever stop pretending it's because you're like a buddhist shut the fuck up woody harrelson let's see if you can do that without a bottle of wine in you you stoner shut up i'll tell you who's not climaxing any of the girls on princess because i guarantee none of them have had anything in them beyond like a piece of matzah in the past three years. She wants boyfriends. Ashley's edging on the verge of fucking her dad. That's what she's edging on.

It's grossing me out. I can't take it. And I don't like that everybody she dates, she brings up her dad. She's just gross. She needs to stop it. She probably masturbates with one of her high heels, you know. Ew. She probably has a picture of her dad on there too.

Ew. So Ashley was being a bitch was being you guys are clutching your pearls they were being a bitch to sal shore because she was being inappropriate with the dates and she didn't have it and just like walked out of there so i'm gonna love watching ashley get handed to her because later when there was a fight ashley comes out she's like everyone i'm asking everyone to go inside i'm asking everyone to go why isn I'm asking everyone to go. Why isn't anybody listening to me? Go inside. Go inside.

Go inside. Go inside. Oh, my God. Can we talk a little bit about, I'm sure you guys talked about it last week, but the drink hanky? Soon to be featured on Shark Tank, I'm sure. Could you believe when she went to that gay salon and was like, yes, they're going to throw us the most glamorous party ever. And the guy's like, yeah, we're putting a 12 by 12 tent on the sidewalk. She made it seem

like it was the motherfucking Cannes Film Festival. Yeah, like Oscars. It was a cross street from the Inn at Great Neck, which I've actually been to. There's a name drop, everyone. I've been to the Inn at Great Neck. This is not the height of glamour. Okay, so there was, you know, one of her gays that's helping her out is named Ilton.

And I was tweeting this episode just out of boredom. And, you know, some of my, I'm going to say right up front, I'll admit that they aren't all golden. Like, when you're live tweeting, it's like whatever you can just peck out on your phone. Like, sometimes they're funny and sometimes they're stupid. Like, I don't care. I don't filter myself. Who cares? Like, five people are reading it anyway yeah so i wrote ilton your name something

like ilton your name is a mix between sick and fat because it's ill ton you know i said your parents hate you so whatever i just moved on well i didn't at him or anything he was just searching the princess's uh hashtag so he wrote me um you got to get a bit better with this trash talk. And then hashtag don't quit your day job. And I wrote back, says the person involved with a drink hanky. Like, really? I shouldn't quit my day job? Wait, excuse me.

You're involved with a fucking drink hanky. You're having a Twitter feud. I'm having a Twitter feud with some useless fag on bravo please mary you are like below the golden the gold coast bags please back down with your drink hanky and he wrote back oh involved with a lot more things oh really i'm sure you are this lame shut up oh my god why don't we let's just let's fight with bennett you'll fight him this week and i'll fight him the next week elton sure yeah yeah i think elton's cute now um elton elton is cute yeah and actually i thought it was kind of funny that he tweeted me back it's just so funny

these people like you're on a you're not only on a reality show okay it's not like you're on survivor you're on princesses you're on princesses okay stop acting like you deserve some kind of respect like you're not only selling out you're selling out to be on princesses and you're not even like shaping your drink hanky like a beer koozie thank you i was gonna say that it's got like a straight seam on the bottom so when you put it around it has these like two little fins that come out it doesn't even wrap around nicely envelope made out of joanne fabric sale fabric shut up with your stupid i know i'm so glad i was that's what i was gonna say is that there's not even any like basic artistry to these things or like structural

like thoughtfulness it's just little true two pieces of fabric so it's a pocket it's a pocket and it's also like i have yet to understand why anyone needs one of these does anyone know why because you know you still get rings on the table through those it's not like they're even thick cloth they are seriously like the cheapest ass muslin that joanne has in leopard print you know that you put a drink in them and on a hot day they sweat right through that fabric and you get a ring on your table yeah and it's sometimes good to get a little moisture on your hands when you're at one of these cocktail parties because then if somebody that you don't want to shake hands with comes up,

you'll be like, oh my god, my hand is soaking. I can't shake your hand because you're gross and hideous. Yeah, but I will say the drink hanky is very useful if you want to put a bunch of ice in it and chuck it at Chanel, like apparently that tall Russian battle axe did. Amazing. Okay, so there was a fight that we didn't even get to see but chanel had a fit and started beating up some lady well then we see this lady and we don't see her face because she

wouldn't sign the release forms or whatever she's the size of the empire state building she seriously looks like she was played by jennifer coolidge this year she's she is a she is a giant and she's tall she's wide and apparently she's Russian, too. That was hysterical. But didn't she look... Now, I know that her face is great, but bodily, didn't she look like the same woman that got wasted at Kyle's white party and tried to hit on Maurizio? Yes. That Kyle went apeshit on? Yes.

It was like the same creepy woman. It's probably one of the producers on these shows that just keeps showing up and getting trashed at the parties. She was probably wearing the same white dress she was wearing at Kyle's white party. Yeah. Those white parties never go smoothly. That's for sure. And I love that they were having a white party for a drink hanky. And great neck.

I like white. Okay. Good plan. To make the stupid koozies pop out more. The only reason they pop out is because they have the tacky-ass patterns. I can't imagine anyone outside of Sy syosset buying those crappy things yeah it's like you look at the table and you think there's just a ton of tiny little friend dreschers over there i know and i'll say like what a silly i mean you you got this before this tiny tent that's on the

sidewalk i mean this didn't this hardly looked like a glamorous event it looked like some like very sad farmer's market with one stall and a bunch of people dancing in it by accident. So it's the Drink Henke premiere party, which in itself, I mean, that's pretty hilarious. It's basically like a step below Gigi's extensions. I'm just going to say this. That word Henke is like the word slacks or panties. Nobody wants – or moist. Nobody – and all of those are actually involved with the Drink Henke. say this like that word hanky is like the word slacks or panties like nobody want are moist like nobody and all of those are actually involved with the drink hanky yeah those are words that i never

want to hear it's also it's also not a hanky for what boogers go in yeah and it's not a hanky either it's like it's like a little i don't know it's like a potato sack or something like that's like you should call it the drink condom or something. Be edgy. No one's going to need it. And you know what? You're never going to get any major brands behind it because it covers up the branding on the bottles. Yeah, that's really, really a bad business. Now, I do respect that she is not, you know, she's trying to have a business. I just don't understand how that's going to work.

And I love that she's walking around telling people, you want to buy a drink? Kinky is $4.99. It's like, you know what? It's going to sell Rehoboth on the boardwalk. Don't talk shit about Rehoboth. I love Rehoboth. But you know that's where it's going to sell, right? No, it's going to sell in Jersey City.

It's pretty much the same thing. The only people who are going to be interested in that are going to be the Monzo brothers, who will try to invest all of their parents' money into making it a success. They'll put Blackwater in it. Oh my god. Well, no one seems to like Blackwater, so let's hide it in a drink hanky. Oh my god, we just found a way to make everybody money on this show.

Hide the Blackwater in a drink hanky. They're like, here's some Diet Coke. Surprise, the black water high. Yeah, and by the time the people drink the black water and realize it's disgusting, they'll die of whatever's in black water and not be able to sue for their money back from the drink hanky. Everybody's going to win with this proposition. I want 10% of that $4.99. Yeah, so the drink hanky.

Well, the fight was amazing because Chanel lost her shit. at that $4.99. Yeah, so the drink hanky. Well, the fight was amazing because Chanel lost her shit. I mean, Chanel has been like the normal one this whole time. What? She's been teetering on the edge ever since that younger sister

got engaged. Yeah, she's been teetering on the edge, but she's just been the one. She's edging, if you will. Chanel's been edging. She's edging. She's having a she's

having a shabbat edge i don't even know what that means but it seems inappropriate and not only did she tell this girl off she started kicking her ass and went ghetto style on her i'd no wait she was not kicking the ass you know what it was it was like she slapped her on the side of the boob once, and someone pulled her away, and the other girl came over and slapped her on the side of the boob. And that was it. And they were just like, you know, their hair was going and everything. But compared to other reality show fights, this was nothing.

Only because they were being held apart. She kept going at her, and then she went back at her again. I don't know. It wasn't the most ferocious thing we've seen. You should be ashamed of yourself! You should be ashamed of yourself! You should be ashamed of yourself! I did not have multiple hugges!

You piece of trash! Shabbat shalom, go fuck yourself! Oh, my God. Sorry, I'm mashing him up. Holy mishugganous balls. Okay, I love that this show is not happy just having all Jewish people in the cast they have to be as Jew-y as possible

holy mashuganah balls come on is this shit just added in later yes I think it's all voiceover shit they're like guys it's been five minutes and nothing Jew-y has happened let's think of something mashuganahs balls

oh my goodness okay so that show has been super duper fun and nothing chewy has happened. Let's think of something. Mishigana's balls. Yes. Oh my goodness. Okay, so that show has been super duper fun. All the girls fight for no reason. Really love that. Chanel is losing her shit. Watching her sob over her sister getting married. Yeah.

I also love, by the way, Joey and Ashley fighting during that fight. We had like nested fights. And I loved Ashley being like, Joey, no one likes you. Everyone said it. ashley being like joey no one likes you everyone said it they don't like you no one likes you it was like classic like sixth grade she's like do you like me and she's like yeah do you have a problem with me no what are you talking about ashley it's like well whatever they're not telling you the truth dad where's my dad my dad doesn't like you. That's enough. Enough of me.

Yeah, she's the only one that I really, truly just detest. But I kind of feel bad for that because she's such a sheltered little thing. And I know that reading all this shit about her on the internet... Well, is there anything you've been writing about this show besides us? No, but it has to be killing her because you know she's listening right now. Hi, Ashley. Oh, sorry, Ashley. You'd probably be more palatable if you didn't think you were so awesome.

Like, if you maybe can just make fun of yourself, we would enjoy you more. And show your tits, girl. Yeah, maybe finally blow your dad. Maybe that would make it more fun. Just kidding. I was just taking a sip when you said that and it started to come out my nose. Yeah, make it come out my nose. Yeah. Make it come out your nose,

Ashley. Then we'll like you. Make a medge, Ashley. Make a medge. Make a medge. Yeah. I mean,

I feel bad saying I hate her because she doesn't seem like a horrible person. She just seems like, yeah, I think we said this when we first started talking about the show that she seems like she's just trying to be funny and she doesn't really know what an asshole she's like in the real world because she's so sheltered you know like she thinks it's funny that she can't be in a neighborhood with couches on the porch where I live in a neighborhood where across the street there's couch on the porch and I'm jealous because I don't have anywhere to sit on my porch and I can't look so nice I was thinking those people are so smart using pleather on

the porch it's not about the couches it's it's about porches because she doesn't like anything that has the word poor in it oh that's true um all right should we move on to new jersey i mean there was a lot more to talk about with princesses but we have only well wait wait wait what else happened on princesses nothing really um erica claimed that she does work every now and then but then she's like well but then it's summertime and I like to go to either beach or work, beach or work. I don't think that's the way it goes. Isn't that how most artists live their lives? She is – yes. No, that's Casey.

Oh, that's Casey. Well, and Erica is an artist when it comes to, I don't know, being an alcoholic. Yeah, she brings a certain artistry to it too. She does. To tics and strange teeth. being an alcoholic yeah she she brings a certain artistry to it too she does ticks and uh and strange teeth i love that her her mom obviously said to her dad you know we're probably we probably look like terrible parents on this tv show and he's like i'll take care of it honey all right listen here erica are you coming to work today or not because if you're not i just want a heads up

because otherwise i'm sitting there waiting for you and she's like well i don't know you know i got stuff to do today i've been kind of tired for you. And she's like, well, I don't know. You know, I got stuff to do today. I've been kind of tired because I went out. He's like, well, you know what? You need to get a trade. You need to go to school. You need to get married.

That would be great if you got married to someone with a job. She's like, my dad wants me to get married. But why would I get married? Okay, great parenting. Glad we had this talk. He's like, I'll support you until you're 50. But maybe it would be best if you found someone else to. Nice work. Did she mention that she does some PR work on the side or she works in PR?

Whenever any of them say they work, I tune out because it's all lies. Yeah, except I can believe her being in PR because there's a whole army of PR girls in New York City that are just like Erica. And that makes sense to me. Well, PR in itself is all lying. And those girls that you speak of in New York also live in Los Angeles. I'm sorry. It's true. But that is a profession I don't fully understand because I don't know that it really is one.

That girl just says she's in PR because she has a Twitter account. Yeah. Well, there are good people who do good PR. it really is one that girl just says she's in pr because she has a twitter account yeah well there is there are good people who do good pr but um i would say there are a lot of girls that seem to get into pr because they just want to go to parties and they're the ones who are really bad at it and that's the majority of the people that you encounter did you guys see the reboot of melrose place you know how they redid um yes because melrose is the original is the best show ever and i was very upset by the remake yeah i was too it wasn't good because Place, the original, is the best show ever, and I was very upset by the remake.

Yeah, I was too. It wasn't good because I loved the original too. But in the remake, they had a lady who was in PR, and it was all about the down and dirty side of the PR business. And I was like, gross. That's even grosser than I thought it was. It's even shadier and sadder than I thought it was. I didn't like it. It made me feel sad.

Even remembering back on it makes me feel sad. So let's move on to New Jersey. Yay. All right. I am already in disagreement with you both because I am loving New Jersey. Why? Give me three reasons why. Teresa's hysterical.

She's killing me this season. She's even more off her rocker than usual, and I love it. I love that Caroline is kissing her ass now because she got in trouble last year. I love that Albert is about to divorce. You know that Albert's about to fucking leave for some 20-year-old. You can just see it in his eyes. I love that. Oh, no doubt.

I love that the producers are bringing in people to gang up on Melissa for Teresa. I think that that's hysterical. Yeah, I love all those side characters. They are the best. Yeah, but I agree with Ronnie. I do think that they are probably brought in because it's like they can't have Teresa be like a complete psychotic villain.

She's already psychotic. So let her just be crazy and bring in all these other villains around her to go after Melissa. Like Penny and Jan and Jen. So are those those girls in AIMS, these new girls? Penny, Jan, and Jen? Oh my god, even their names are great.

Penny really didn't say anything. Jan was like, yeah, I'm not friends with her anymore. And then Jen was like, uh, Melissa, you shouldn't hear what Jan said. And then like, Teresa, I said something to Melissa. Oh, I don't like her house. I want to get the listing. That's all I got, the listing. Oh, I don't like her house. I don't get the listing. That's all I get is the listing. Oh.

Oh, that lady with the half-closed Garfield eyes. Yeah. And Kim D. Girl, that girl likes your friend, girl. I have to say this about Kim D. Kim D is, I mean, she's such a fucker. You know, she's such a fucker. She stirs the pot.

She's always up to no good. But whenever they put her on the spot, she always seems to really defend herself. She always, like, sneaks out of it very well. She typically delivers the goods, but she is starting to look like Jar Jar Binks to me, and it's kind of terrifying. Oh, so that's an improvement, I think. I mean, I don't know, but, like, she has, like, more of a snout. Like, a pointy snout. It's true.

She has a little bit of a platypus thing going on um yeah i think she looks like sally kellerman from mash so i just really like or from or from back to school with rodney dangerfield yeah i feel like i feel like her her mouth looks like she may have gotten it stuck in a waffle iron yes i just like her i think that she's she is such a dirty dealer, and everybody knows it, and she does it on purpose to get publicity for her store, and she just doesn't care. And you're right. When they put her on the spot, she's like, oh, come on, whatever.

She's like, oh, Joey, Joey, listen, they said this, and listen, I can't be held responsible for what Jan might say. They said it, and that's what they said. That's it. That's all. Got to see you. She did. I like what she said in her blog and again i don't think this is on bravo i think this was

like her personal facebook blog because bravo hasn't given her one yet but i love that on her blog she's like oh whatever you know there's misunderstandings but me and melissa we're good friends she forgave me we're good now we're cool and i'm just i just love that because you know that that's true that melissa's like just gonna be nice to the girl so she'll leave her alone for a little yeah oh 100 melissa can't afford to fuck with that platypus with a waffle mouth yeah and you know kimmy's like oh whatever you know she's nice you know most strippers are nice like that you know always a jab always a jab yeah all it takes for a stripper to be nice is a dollar really listen these these women are all sharks circling, and they all want their spots.

They're going to. That's why this Jan girl, she comes out of nowhere. She's going to turn on Melissa because she knows it's going to get her on TV. And I love her for it. Yeah, I do too. I'm loving that whole storyline with the other witches. When she came, and she's so nice to her face face and Melissa's talking about how she's going to write. She takes her girlfriends to lunch to tell them that she's writing a book about how to keep a sexy marriage.

And they're giving each other looks like, can you believe this bitch? Yeah. Right. Melissa totally didn't catch up on. She didn't catch on to. So obviously they both know something. And then she goes and tells everybody that Melissa's been cheating the whole time on Joe. Which is so wonderful.

Do you guys think that's true? Yeah. Actually, I don't think so. You don't think that those rumors that they're swingers is true? See, I actually like Melissa. And I feel like she's in love with Joe. And I feel like this Jan girl has more of a motivation to lie she's in love with joe's money who wants to like so out with that like i'm in love with people's money too but i'm not in love with like

roly-poly like when he took off his shirt when they were doing that striptease thing i was like that's a bunch of roast beefs tied together i I am not into that. Oh my god. He still looks good. Yeah. And he still waxes his butt. He's three foot six, you people. I don't care. I don't care. I think he's got a cute face and he's got like that sexy Guido body. I'm down.

I do too. I think he's totally hot. And I love that he still waxes his butt even though he's not a stripper anymore. And I love that he's basically owning the fact that he was a stripper because that's really fun. That's a fact that I totally forgot until he brought it up this week. Yeah. He and Nini are the only Housewives characters who have just flat out admitted, yeah, I was a stripper.

Well, I'm sure... No, so does Danielle Staub. Don't you remember? What was it? Flex and engage. What was it? What was it? Was it flex and engage or suggest and engage?

Yes, that was an amazing pole dance lesson. Oh, I still have the vivid images of her legs up and out um kim g trying to swing around that pole also oh that was really sad that was long coming out uh geriatric strippers not not cute not cute also not cute richie richie grosses me out yeah he's not looking he's weird because he doesn't gain weight in his arms. He only gains weight in his torso. So he's got these super skinny arms and a torso that keeps on ballooning out. It's like some strange cartoon from the Beatles era.

He's like a rejected character from Yellow Submarine. He actually has a pear-shaped lady body. I like that he's cross-eyed and buck teeth. I like that he got new teeth. He's obviously got a fake grill and they're buck teeth. I like that he's cross-eyed and buck teeth. I like that he got new teeth. He's obviously got a fake grill and they're buck teeth. I think that's hilarious. The recapper on Trash Talk TV, Chick Bomb, calls him the Lebanese Dilbert.

Yeah. I can see that. Hilarious. Yeah, he's gross. But yeah, so they did that whole strip let's take class at a strip club. Okay, Housewives. Please stop doing the same storylines over and over. Isn't there a Build-A-Bear in Jersey?

Can you do that maybe? Like there's other group activities. Yeah, I would rather them go to Color Me Mine than watch them strip. And Color Me Mine, it doesn't get more boring than that. I would like to see them strip at Color Me Mine. That would get me edging. With some body paints, yes. I'm sure Brandi Glanville is doing that right now.

By the way, did you guys see the photo of Brandi Glanville's dress falling off and her black thong hanging out when she left dinner the other night drunk as a fucker? No, but I've seen her like that a few times. I've told you every time i see her at these parties she's like oh my god literally falling down she was leaving a party two nights ago and her dress was so skimpy in the first place in like see-through and sheer and it was just it was like being ripped like a guy was trying to prop her up but it like ripped the dress in half and her black thongs hanging out and she's smiling and drooling and it's just uh pure gold i'll put it on the Facebook page.

Are we excited for next week's episode of Jersey? That looks like it'll be good. There's an actual fist fight. The rumble we've all been waiting for. I mean, that's what we saw at the beginning. Rumble on Lake George. Prior to the season when they were doing the season preview and Joe and

Joe get into it and I think that there are bodies like being smashed up against walls i think punches are being thrown it looks awesome it's the inspiration for pacific rim i think you know like the robots versus the monsters like that movie they're like oh shit did you see that preview on bravo let's get something going right now robots monsters i thought you were i thought you were making a stripper joke well that too that too. We're somewhere at different levels. About rimming? Yeah. That looks amazing, but what

really excites me is I don't even think that's the main fight that they've been talking about, because that fight took place, I think, in Posh, didn't it? But that main fight, though, was not in any of the previews. This is the fight that's been in all the previews, and if you remember, we had some gossip a few weeks ago where someone closed the production claims that the fight and

posh is not going to make it onto the show which kills me because i need that we can't just have one massive fight this season we need two and this would be the second time there was a massive brawl that didn't make it on but we'll see we'll see because there's the dominican republican one also i by the way i also i hope everyone uh did anyone else chuckle a little bit when rosie accidentally called the adirondacks uh adirondikes yep she's gonna be so disappointed when she gets there and it's not just 40 year old meat curtains laying around on a beach stop she's like she's like i heard that there were chairs made of lesbians up here. Oh my god. Hey, I told you to put the lotion on it.

I'll fucking kill her! She's like, wait, these are next to the Catskill Mountains? I thought they were called the Pussykill Mountains. Like things that don't even rhyme. She's like, I wanted to go to Burger Pussy. Where are we? I'm now thinking of every mountain range and how I can make it into a dirty lady sexual lesbian thing. She's like, the Appa Lesbian Mountains?

Are we going to the Appa Lesbian Mountains? Can we go to Yellowstone National Pussy? Yos Clitoris Emity? We're going to Yos Klitoris Emity Park? Hey, can we go to the Grand Canyon? Can we go to Nye Vagina Agri Falls? She's very ineliquent. She hears things the wrong way.

Hey, can we go to the Hawaii Lickin' My Pussy Islands? Hey, guys. Oh, poor Rose. Hey, guys, can we go to the Great Wall of Gina? Oh, poor Rose. Hey guys, can we go to the Great Wall of Jaina? You know, this has made me realize how many national treasures I know nothing about. I can only come up with Grand Canyon and then repeat stuff that Ben says.

Wait, wait. Can we go to Monument Pussy Valley? Hey, you guys. Youse guys. What's the eighth pussy of the world? Hey, youse guys. I want to go to India and see the Taj Clit Hall. All of the female listeners have clicked off right now. Well, we're not really being misogynist. We're just using lady terms. It's not misogynist if you're doing it for a lesbian.

We're making fun of Rosie's penchant for mixing national landmarks with lesbian things. Oh my God. Instead of the Channel Islands, let's go visit the Flannel Islands. I can't think of any more landmarks. She's like, can we see the Golden Gate Melissa Etheridge Bridge? I'm really dying to take a trip to birkenstockholm i have i don't know anything about history i'm like i'm trying to work in katie lang into katie lang can we go to the can we go see the eerie katie lang al can we go see night

nyfagra falls pussy just stop rhyming. Just put pussy on the end of everything. Can we go to the Pusima Canal? Oh my god, you guys. The real pussy. Edit this out. No, listen.

I want to apologize. I am begging you. Unfortunately, I'm in charge of editing today, and you know how I am with editing. I'm like, just throw it all in there. Who cares? Listen, we are not above being third graders, okay? Next week, we'll do puns with farts.

The week after that, with penises. So don't worry. It's coming around to everyone. So ladies, if you're offended, it's equal opportunity. We will do men genitalia next week. Yeah, if you're offended, blame Rosie equal opportunity. We will do men genitalia next week. Yeah, if you're offended, blame Rosie. We were just talking through.

We were just making a joke over the fact that she mixed Adirondacks. If you're offended. No genitalia! Hashtag menitalia. Oh my God, you guys. You had me right on the edging. There we go. That was fun.

It was worth it. I think we should just end on that note. Yeah, I think we're done. On that vaginal note. I think we should end on that pussy too. Okay, well, thanks everybody so much for listening. Oh, I'm not hosting. Ben, you are.

You do the good vibes. Okay, thanks everyone for listening. If you are offended, you should write a letter to someone else but not to us because we don't care. So follow us on Facebook. You really, really should. Facebook.com forward slash watch what crap happens. Leave us a five-star review on iTunes or a four-star. I don't know what stars you can give. Five stars.

Five stars. At the top. Follow Matt at Life on the M-List on all his platforms, Instagram, Vine, Twitter. Follow Ronnie Karam on Instagram. On Instagram, find me at TrashTalkTV, and my website is TrashTalkTV.com. And follow me at B-Side Blog on everything. And also, if you are a Big Brother fan, we are resuming our webcast, the TV click colon Big Brother this week. So look out for that.

We're going to be live on Thursday night about 20 minutes after the eviction, Pacific time. Pacific time. So it will probably be about 1020 Pacific time. So I've got to catch up on my Big Brother. Everyone who likes Big Brother, and even if you don't watch big brother you should watch our web show are you going to make me take a shot again no

I'll make you a drink tomorrow and then we're going to have a drink after at big fat dick night down the street that whiskey was delicious last time so are you telling me I have to manscape and put on a cute outfit I'm giving you advance so you guys can shave your nuts because we are going to Big Fat Dick tomorrow and anybody in Los Angeles who wants to

join us, all three of us will be at Big Fat Dick Thursday night at Food Bar. At 10 p.m. I'm going to set up a card table and we're going to be signing 8x10 glossies. We won't be there until 11.30 because we have the podcast first. We will be signing glossy 8x10s. Come and to watch

My dick's not glossy. To watch us stream live and to make comments. Not if you're edging. And to make comments during the podcast. We'll be doing that on our Facebook page at facebook.com slash watch what crap happens. Or on our YouTube page, youtube.com slash the TV click. Click as in C-L-I-Q-U-E because we're a click. Because we're classy.

Not like a TV clicker. We didn't even think about that part when we came up with that name that we always have to explain. It's click, like C-L-I-Q-U-E, not click, C-L-I-C-K. Well, maybe if these people had an I-Q-U-E, they'd get it. Gay? And I-Gay? People with IQ. Click because we have IQ. That's going to be our little tagline. Oh People with IQ. Click, because we have IQ.

That's going to be our little tagline. Oh, my God. Thanks, y'all. That was fun. And if you guys like to watch Jeff Lewis' Interior Therapy and or Property Envy and or Below Deck, because I'm the only one who watches those three, I will start posting stuff about that on the Facebook page. So if we don't get to it in the podcast, we can still discuss it on the interwebs.

And we'll talk about Jeff Lewis next week since we didn't get around to it this week yes i will watch this week i will make a promise to watch all those shows so we'll do it next time yay okay everybody thanks so much we'll see you next week bye Let me free you out, baby Get out my life, why don't you, baby Cause you don't really love me You just keep me hanging on You don't really need me But you keep me hanging on Why do you keep coming around

Playing with my heart Why don't you get out of my life And let me make a new start Let me get over you The way you've gotten over me If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger.

Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash waitfortcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore.

Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. A few days ago, Brooke Tudine posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and 3 comments. Thumbs up, Brooke. Geico also wants to make a comment. In just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico. And nothing says inspiration better than saving money. Well, except for those posters that say things like teamwork, excellence, and make it happen. Hashtag keep climbing. Hashtag savings. Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad- more on car insurance.