Watch What Crappens - #87: RHOC Finale With the YourTVRecaps Crew!!

Episode Date: August 4, 2013

On this very special crossover episode, the Watch What Crappens crew (Matt Whitfield, Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam) join the gang from YourTVRecaps for a loud, laugh filled rundown of the R...eal Housewives of Orange County season finale. Jon Richardson, Michelle Nieves, and Eric Curto are some really funny people and great new friends. Thanks for the laughs, guys! Matt dropped out of this one early due to internet failure, but don't worry. There's a part two that will be posted later with more RHOC plus RHONJ and the Princesses challah waster of a finale. Come back later today for that one!! Find the YourRealityRecaps crew on their YouTube page (http://www.youtube.com/YourRealityRecap). Our YouTube Podcasts: http://www.youtube.com/thetvclique Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Matt on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/lifeonthemlist Matt on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lifeonthemlist See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:46 We thank Squarespace for their support of Watch What Crappens. And you guys, remember, Squarespace. Everything you need to create an exceptional website. Welcome to a very special two-part episode of Watch What Crappens. We're starting off with a joint podcast with Your Reality Recaps. You can find them at youtube.com slash yourrealityrecaps. It's Eric, Michelle, and John. They are fantastic. We are covering the Real Housewives of Orange County finale.
Starting point is 00:02:11 You can find the video on their YouTube page or our new YouTube page for the TV Click, which is our main umbrella for all these podcasts we're going to be making. That's youtube.com, the TV Click, which is C-L-I-Q-U-E, guys. That click, like how C-L-I-Q-U-E, guys. That click, like Heather's get at. So come there to find the video version of this podcast. And you can also find the video version of part two, which is just me, Ben, and Matt.
Starting point is 00:02:35 And that will be uploaded later today. So you'll have two podcasts in your feed this week for Watch What Crappens. Thanks for being here, you guys. Love to you. Hey, I'm John from Seattle. You can find me at Comedy Jonah on Twitter. Everybody, Michelle from the Bronx. We got a big group.
Starting point is 00:03:01 You can find me at YouGotBronx on Twitter. I'm Ben Mandelker. I'm from bsideblog.com. And all my social media is bsideblog. All one word on Twitter, Vine, Instagram, wherever. bsideblog, Ben Mandelker. Hi. Hi, I'm Ronnie Karam. I'm from Trash Talk TV.
Starting point is 00:03:17 You can find my YouTube channel at youtube.com slash trash talk TV, but it's T-E-E-V-E-E. And then on the Internet, it's at TrashTalkTV.com. Hi, I'm Matt Whitfield from Yahoo! Entertainment. And we're at Life on the M-List on various social media outlets. All right, so let's start talking Real Housewives of OC, the winter wonderland party that made me want Christmas. And I don't care that it's the summer.
Starting point is 00:03:43 I love a wiki. Or Dickie Winter Wonderland. It was fantastic. You know, we said this on our podcast at the end of the last season of OC, the Orange County girls know how to bring a season finale. Without fail, their season finales are pretty much the best out of all the Real Housewives.
Starting point is 00:04:04 I felt like their season finale needed to have another episode. I mean, that's just the way I felt about it. There was just so much going on. I know that it's going to carry over into the reunion, but damn, it was good. There was so much going on in it, and I can tell you this much.
Starting point is 00:04:20 If Vicky wore that dress every Christmas, Jesus would come back to Earth and just cancel fucking Christmas. That would never happen again. And cancel boobs. Yeah, Vicky needed Spanx up to her neck on that one. I don't know what she was thinking. And it wasn't even like there was any man there for her to impress her.
Starting point is 00:04:38 She could have loosened it up a little bit or wore a better girdle. I think Vicky has one of those bathroom mirrors. You know when you only have a mirror in your bathroom but you don't really have a full length mirror and you look at yourself and from here up you look so cute and then you get a picture or you pass a window and you realize how fat you really are. That happens to me all the
Starting point is 00:04:58 time because I don't have a full length. Vicki, you're rich. Get a full length. You're calling it a skinny mirror Seinfeld episode situation. Get a better mirror. you're calling it a skinny mirror Seinfeld episode situation. Yeah, get a better mirror. You've already done all the work here. Now let's start to work below the neck, right? And our deflated boobies.
Starting point is 00:05:14 Listen, she's under construction, guys. She's just under construction. And soon it will be fixed. Tell the way or we're out of business. She's over 50. When's the project going to be done, okay? It's like she's got a plate of moon over my hammy on her chest. Woo, Mickey's kittens.
Starting point is 00:05:31 Wow. Put some cones around her and get some costume tape because I need warning before that ever happens. Listen, I've had the privilege, I've had the distinct privilege of seeing those flapjacks up close and in person because I once went to some red carpet thing and she was walking through. Same thing, she loves showing them off, and when you see them up close and personal you see all sorts of fun scars
Starting point is 00:05:49 and it is delicious. So I hope all of you guys get to enjoy that someday as well. During the throwdown Go ahead. During the throwdown During the throwdown didn't Alexa walk over and say
Starting point is 00:06:03 pull her dress to cover up her nipples? Yes. I would be like, yo, you're showing, woman. That was one of my favorite parts, as they're crying, having their emotional moment, and Alexis is crying, and then she's like, dear, dear, and she's just sliding her blouse over. It was during one of Vicky's
Starting point is 00:06:26 sudden moments of feminism. Like, you don't talk to a lady that way. We are proud people. You do not talk to ladies as her flapjacks are flapping in the breeze with activism. And I'm going to say right now, and then you can all hate me, I didn't think it was that good of a
Starting point is 00:06:42 finale at all. The first half was so good. I'm ready to tear into Ryan, and not in the gay way tear into Ryan. I can't stand him. I can't stand him. But other than that, I feel like it fizzled out. No, I thought there was like a strong
Starting point is 00:06:58 no fizzle, I thought it was strong carbonation all the way there. I felt like, I like to equate everything to Jurassic Park. Yes! I love you now! I love you now! I've loved you a little long, Michelle. Ever since
Starting point is 00:07:13 I saw your beautiful webcam and it's high resolution, I was like, this one's for me. The first half of the episode was the Tyrannosaurus Rex. That's like, Ryan, the Tyrannosaurus Rex. The Tyrannosaurus Rex is the worst. The second half, you're like, oh wait, here comes Slade Smiley, the Velociraptors.
Starting point is 00:07:30 He's much worse. I thought it was great. It was like, it followed the Jurassic Park model for me so I was set. How are you guys? Here we go, here we go. I am the victim, yet I'm the villain. So, um, anyway, I was just saying it's a problem when I'm rooting for Has he gone vacuuming? Or what's going on? villain. So, anyway, I was just saying it's a problem when I'm rooting for you.
Starting point is 00:07:46 Has he gone vacuuming, or what's going on? I don't know. We have black on him at the moment. I know it's gotta be black. Come on. Doesn't sound like it's nice to me. Oh, Ronnie, it says you muted him. I did.
Starting point is 00:08:02 I don't want to listen to a fucking vacuum cleaner. Oh, oh, okay. So you didn't mute him and that's why he dropped it. Matt, if you can hear us, I'm ejecting you. Come back in. He's not hardwired in. That's probably one of the problems
Starting point is 00:08:17 he's having. No, his problem is that he spoke ill of Heather Dubrow and she has a lot of power. She rules the internet. She's like, I didn't get that role on Malibu Country just by accident. Oh my god. Did she get a role on Malibu Country? I didn't know that.
Starting point is 00:08:33 That was the whole thing. What channel was Malibu Country on? Bravo. It's had more exposure on Bravo than it ever had on ABC. I think it should come back. It's cancelled. Bring this amazing show back that causes so much drama. And the best part was
Starting point is 00:08:51 that Gretchen and Heather had this whole big fight about Malibu Country at the beginning of the episode. And then we get to the end of the episode and it's like, no, it's back. Malibu Country will not be put to sleep. We are going to argue about it one last time. It will not go away.
Starting point is 00:09:06 I never watched it. I didn't care for it. I kind of stayed away from it. I had enough crazy with everybody else. And I was just like, I'll stick with just the franchise of Housewives and Tabitha. Done. Ronnie, can you text Matt or you Ben and just let him know he can click on that link to come back in? I don't want him to think I booted him out for good. No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:09:28 He gets... Yeah, sometimes his connection is bad, and he gets fake mad. He's not really mad. He's not really mad, okay. He's not really mad. He's Lydia mad. He's furious.
Starting point is 00:09:41 Is he Lydia mad? He's not Ryan mad. Yeah, we need to He's not Ryan Mad. He's Lydia Wong. Yeah, we need to know what's Ryan Mad. Yeah, Ryan was some Charlie Steen kind of crazy man. That was not cool. Oh, my goodness. So should we talk about... Well, no.
Starting point is 00:09:54 Let's stick on Heather for a second. Let's Heather and Gretchen. Poor Heather. Okay, and I put this on Twitter last night, so yes, I'm aping my own lines. But listen, Heather, dressing like Lilith Crane does not make you a sitcom star. Get a new... What is she wearing? What is she doing with herself? Her little gerbil face and her giant shoulder pads. Heather,
Starting point is 00:10:11 stop it. You can't even fight right. She's trying to have this fight with Gretchen, and Gretchen got the audio... I was going to say she read it, but she must have got the audio book of How to Win Friends and Influence People because she was not engaging. She was just like, uh-huh, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you feel that way.
Starting point is 00:10:27 I'm sorry you feel that way. What's your opening line? Oh, you think blondes have more fun? Well, you haven't met me. Well, I'm still waiting, Heather. Hello? When am I going to have fun with you? I think Malibu Country sounds like a lot of fun.
Starting point is 00:10:39 So much fun. It was canceled. I think Gretchen didn't respond because she had too much of that mystic tan spray going on. She was fucking orange, man. She was orange. She couldn't move, she was waiting for it to settle in. Like, she didn't crack. Like, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Well, to be fair, she has no more muscles in her face that can be used. Is that why she couldn't handle eating any more than two bites off of that kebab, where we actually have a scene of the waiter being like,
Starting point is 00:11:12 well, if you don't want to eat both bites, you can put it back in. And they both only took one bite and put it back in. Well, Slade has sort of returned to his chubby, wubby roots, I believe, from two seasons ago, So I understand Slade, but Gretchen, I mean, I don't want her half-eaten kebab on my hors d'oeuvre tray. Oh my gosh. And it was like a capri salad anyway.
Starting point is 00:11:35 Capraise, I mean, capri salad. Now I sound like her. I saw a lot of indiscrepancies on this podcast. But you know, the thing is this, I have to say, so I'm really hating Gretchen this year, but I have to say, so I'm really hating Gretchen this year, but I have to say, in that argument with Heather, okay, so, you know, she's like, listen, I did get, like, a role, and Heather's like, yeah, but you know, you missed three of my five scenes.
Starting point is 00:11:54 So that was really the crux of it. That's all we got. So Heather's clearly been festering about this. And she's right to call him out for it, and you know, Slade and Gretchen, of course, are assholes, so the first thing they do is be like, no, no, we were there, we were there, we were paying attention. But then Gretchen apologizes, and then Heather will not let her have it. Heather is like, no, you're not apologizing for what you did,
Starting point is 00:12:16 and I don't have anything to apologize for. Yeah, but she's right, because Gretchen's apology is like a typical asshole apology, where you don't really say you're sorry for what you did, you just say, I'm sorry you're mad, crazy. Like, I'm sorry you're crazy and you got mad. Sorry. I'm sorry that you're so thin-skinned. Sorry. It was like a half. It was halfway.
Starting point is 00:12:34 Because she was like, you know, I'm sorry that I made you feel so bad by doing this. Which is... No, it's like when you say, like, you're fat, and then you go, that's rude. How dare you call me fat? And you go, well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're fat, and then you go, that's rude. How dare you call me fat? And you go, well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're fat. That's not a sorry. No, no, it's the
Starting point is 00:12:50 shirt. It's the shirt. But even after days and days and episodes and episodes, I'm an actress. I got a role in Malibu Country. I'm an actress. I'm a serious actor. Okay, we get it, Heather. You're an actress. But then to sit there and say, oh, no, no, no, no, no, it wasn't the same part
Starting point is 00:13:06 I got. You were just a walk-on. I'm the actress. Enough's enough. I would have given her an asshole apology too. Yeah, I have to say, I agree. It's like, Heather was really so obnoxious. You know, Gretchen was saying, like, listen, I'm not trying to compete with you. Like, this isn't even what I'm trying to do. And I was like, oh, well,
Starting point is 00:13:22 there is no competition. It's like, you're right, there is no competition for a washed-up sitcom actress who never really made it in the first place. No kidding. If you got a role on The Killing, that would be different. Okay. You're in The Walking Dead when we can't see all the work you've had done on your face. Even that.
Starting point is 00:13:39 They all would have to stop spray tanning for that season. Listen, if you got a role on the new Sizzle Tan commercial, then maybe we'll talk about it. I loved Ronnie's, and I'll put it in. It'll be here. Bloop, bling. I loved Ronnie's little mashup of the back and forth of like, who's going to get an Oscar?
Starting point is 00:14:03 You are. You are. You're a master of are you're the kids I think I think that Heather was really pissed off she got more pissed off when they sat down but it was because that Gretchen showed up late again and that just just set the fire man I just said let me just turn the propane off just a little bit and that was all they had to do. I mean, everybody was already on the anti-Gretchen panels.
Starting point is 00:14:27 They decided that Gretchen was going down like they were the death panel that Sarah Palin warned us all about. They decided that Gretchen was not going to get her surgery at the last minute and the bitch was going to die. And they all went for it. They really did. One of our listeners left us some really long Facebook comment and I won't read the whole thing
Starting point is 00:14:44 obviously because everyone will turn this off. It was really long. But it was a point that I hadn't noticed before, and that is how manipulative Tamara is. Well, I mean, of course I've noticed she's manipulative. But in this particular instance, she decided at the beginning of the season she was done with her. So instead of just saying, I'm done with you and becoming a bitch again,
Starting point is 00:15:02 she had to get her wedding special. So she plans all this different stuff and slowly turns everybody against Gretchen. When Gretchen is the same asshole she's always been. It's not like she's totally different than she was last year. You know? Whatever. Tamara's a very smart idiot.
Starting point is 00:15:18 They're all smart. It's the whole reason Heather has to make a big deal about Malibu Country. She wants air time. They know this is the final shooting weekend. We need to get our scenes in and get all our shit out. Okay. I want to bring in some fairy dust.
Starting point is 00:15:33 Everybody ready for some fairy dust? Yes. Fuck you, bitch! Get your feet out of here! I'm going to get out of this house! Whoa, whoa, whoa, Roy. You know, I feel bad for him because he he probably came home thinking he was gonna have this great weekend so
Starting point is 00:15:50 you know completely like you know mellow with his baby and Vicki Stroh at a house party we probably don't know any of that but that's I would say mom I feel zero remorse for him I don't care you know I what? It's not his house. So if she comes home and there's a party, big deal. Then go to a freaking motel.
Starting point is 00:16:10 It's not that difficult. And even a few episodes back, him telling, even though Vicky is a gigantic asshole herself, to tell someone who not to bring in your house, I was starting to have a problem with him already. Yeah, I wasn't a big Brooks fan, but I thought Brianna and him were taking it to a level where it's like, no, no, no, he can't come in.
Starting point is 00:16:30 He's not allowed here. And I thought, you know what? She's a 50-year-old woman under construction. We get it. And can't even bring her date over to her own house. Come on. I hope when I'm 50 I don't look like that. It's not that it
Starting point is 00:16:46 even stopped there. Fighting with Lydia's mother, Judy, he's fighting with the uncle. Vicky and Brianna look like, I'm sorry, abused like they're in a movie. They look scared.
Starting point is 00:17:01 Vicky can unleash, she can go into her crazy Vicky voice with a potted plant, and yet, like, with Ryan, she's sitting there very calm and quietly, like, Vicky, let out your bitch voice. There's always a reason the mother-in-law will never yell at the son-in-law like that
Starting point is 00:17:17 because of the fear of having the baby taken away. That's the common automatic thing, and that's why she's trying to handle it the way she's handling it. She wants that kid in that house, she wants to have a new life in that house, she wants to have books there, she can't have books so she has the baby. That's what she's going for. So that's why she's trying to talk to this guy who is way over like level 28 and he's like, and she's like, it it's okay we'll take care of it she's handled other things before and she has
Starting point is 00:17:47 given him free will of the house to do things so he's already had that but he's still a renter by the way he's still a renter she's let him install cameras all over the house I mean I don't know if she let him the flapjack
Starting point is 00:18:03 shuffling he's been watching on that with poor Dickens' food. You know that he's been seeing all kinds of nastiness on those cameras, and it makes me sick to think of what he's doing with that footage. And you know what, Brianna? Shut up. You know what? Shut up, Brianna. Going to a bar so fucking desperate that you married a...
Starting point is 00:18:18 This is what... This is how... Hold on. You know what? I shouldn't go there on this one. No! I will. He's probably making meth in the basement
Starting point is 00:18:25 watching those cameras all tweaked out, just... It's like a really bad version of Sliver, okay? It's like a low-rent version. Oh, my God. I remember that movie. It's like Sliver without fuckable people in it. It's like Sliver without a bra, you know?
Starting point is 00:18:38 Why do we have to bring a Baldwin into the situation? That just screws everything. Well, he needs some construction. Someone start playing the enigma. Wait, can we back up to the actual, can we go back to what started it all, which was this with Lydia's mom and this guy. So we only hear the
Starting point is 00:18:56 audio. So she's lying there. We're presuming she's lying on a couch, and I guess she has her heels on. And he, he in a, I think he's in the army or the marines or whatever, he comes up and is like, what the fuck are you doing? Now, excuse me, but I had this idea that
Starting point is 00:19:11 soldiers are supposed to be, officers and the gentlemen, you're supposed to say, oh, excuse me, can you please take your feet down? You know, Vicky doesn't like feet on, you know, whatever. But instead he comes and he's like, what the fuck are you doing? And to me, I was like, who does he think he is that he can just call people like that? By the way, I've got a ghost
Starting point is 00:19:27 in my house. My daughter just opened up. That's crazy. He's calling from inside the house. Your ghost likes me. I felt that. Ryan's anger is so huge that it's coming to kick your ass right now. He's like, get the fuck
Starting point is 00:19:43 off that chair. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, why does he think, how was he raised to think that he can just call up to anyone and speak like that, let alone a guest that's not even at his own party? I don't buy this bullshit protectiveness. I don't buy it. No, he's been getting away with it for a while,
Starting point is 00:20:00 so that's why he gets the right to do it in his own head. As we see it, we all say no, but in his own head. As we see it, we all say no. But in his own head, he has that right. I mean, he flat out, like, stumbled and said, I own this. I mean, I live here. Yeah, he almost said, I own this. Vicky already explained it away.
Starting point is 00:20:18 Vicky already explained it away in the episode. He's stressed. He's stressed. Yeah. That was her answer. He's just stressed. Yeah. Well, two things.
Starting point is 00:20:27 One is on Twitter, Vicky, because I had to see what people were saying to Vicky after that episode. I looked for Brianna, but she's smart enough to not be on Twitter. Slash, she's not allowed. Yeah, probably, yeah. On Twitter, Vicky said that they had already moved out. They weren't even living there at that point, and there's a lot that we didn't see about, you know, there's a lot that happened that was edited out, but
Starting point is 00:20:47 that doesn't make any sense because they all said that they were still living there. Brianna was threatening to move out. He was saying it was his house, so that's all confusing. And the other thing is everybody's saying it's post-traumatic stress disorder because he's a soldier, so I guess that that just gets you off of everything. Yeah. Well, you know,
Starting point is 00:21:03 Vicki's so truthful. She always, she never lies or makes a story colorful. So, you know. She is like, she's like, her two breasts are full of just flat honesty. Just flat honesty. Depleted honesty.
Starting point is 00:21:20 I love Lydia's mom though for like at first freaking out but then saying that she wants to stick around I think that that was really cool that she was just like ah just screw it I love Mia Pothead she's awesome yeah yeah the paranoia wore off and also Ryan got
Starting point is 00:21:36 stuck in his room they sent him back to his room well also I mean here's what I actually love the way the woman stood up for herself where she was like you know he's coming at her and she's like she doesn't know who he is, of course, so she's like, who are you? And that's all she said, in fact, because he kept on, you know, in the retelling, he's like, and she comes up, and she's like,
Starting point is 00:21:52 who the fuck are you? Yeah, she never said the F word at him. And actually, the first thing she said. Who are you talking to me like this? Who do you think you are? He said, like, who the fuck are you? Like, what are your feet doing on my fucking couch, or whatever he said. And she's like, well, do you need some fairy dust sprinkled are you? Like, what are your feet doing on my fucking couch or whatever he said and she's like, well, do you need some fairy dust
Starting point is 00:22:06 sprinkled on you? She was trying to be fun which I love that they had their mics on and that somebody caught that because it really shows what a liar he is. She never cussed at him
Starting point is 00:22:16 or did anything like that. And then he goes on and then he goes on and he keeps saying like, get that fucking bitch or this fucking bitch. You know, it's one thing for us
Starting point is 00:22:23 to be sitting around here and being catty and be like, that fucking bitch, da da da da da. But we're saying thing for us to be sitting around here and being catty and be like, that fucking bitch, da-da-da-da-da. But we're saying it in, like, a jokey, catty, obnoxious way. He's saying it from, like, a hateful slash violent way, and that was
Starting point is 00:22:33 really very upsetting to me. Yeah, I'm surprised none of the security that was, you know, around for Heather didn't, like, go over and say, hey, stand back. That was a joke, guys. I had to make sure I covered my eyes. I don't know if Heather had security. I would assume so.
Starting point is 00:22:50 She probably did. Heather's like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed. She's probably like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed. I invited Sarah Rue to this. I'll be so embarrassed when she thinks this is what my friends are like. Yeah, she's probably like, I would love some of your hors d'oeuvres, but I actually brought some from the craft services table
Starting point is 00:23:07 in Malibu country, so I'll be eating those. Those are reserved for actresses to eat. Only actresses get to eat that. Some champs. All right, so are any of you guys into the bacon-flavored vodka that Vicky is? No. I would never.
Starting point is 00:23:23 No. Just do this. It's so good. Get out. But I've had bacon-infused vodka and Bloody Marys you never have. Well, look, when you're out at night, you're drinking, you're having fun,
Starting point is 00:23:36 what do you want to do? You want to make out with somebody. I do not want to have bacon, nasty bacon breath when I finally hook up. You know, it's like you're finally drunk enough to loosen up to make out with an ugly guy at a bar, and he walks away because you smell like bacon. The next morning, after you've already done him. Morning drinkers, yes.
Starting point is 00:23:54 Okay, morning drinkers. Bloody Mary. Okay, Mom. No, I am going to say I have no desire for late night, middle of the day, or morning of the walk of shame. They can keep the bacon out of my vodka, please. Especially if Vicky's branding is on it, too, by the way. When you do the walk of shame, you need the bacon-infused vodka, Michelle. Listen, I don't do the walk of shame. The other bitches do it. So I think it's extra.
Starting point is 00:24:21 Settle down, Rosie. And the way she gets them out, she's like, hey, want some bacon vodka? Did anybody think that Slade was just going to slam the bottle to the ground? Because I kind of thought he was going to. I mean, the way it was going, I think that would have been very climactic for them to do it, but it would have been really messy. And then, you know, it just wound up being put to the side, which was so disappointing to me, because I really wanted to see, like, something being thrown, something being splashed on somebody.
Starting point is 00:24:54 How many episodes have we had, or finales that we've had, where somebody's throwing something at somebody's face? I don't know if Tamara's pretending to be a good person right now, so we're going to have to wait until next year. Darn it. Exactly. Tamara wants a wedding spinoff, and Gretchen thought she was getting a wedding spinoff,
Starting point is 00:25:13 so they all have to play nice in this finale, not piss off Bravo. Yeah, I thought it was pretty funny that Slade was just smiling so big when she's like, I made a Miss Piggy vodka, and he's like, oh, remember that time? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:28 Like, I'll do that. Well, the thing is, poor Vicky, she couldn't, like, she had this whole, like, passive-aggressive moment of, like, I'm going to give you this bottle to show you, basically, like, I took your insult, and I grew from it, and I was to show how strong I am. But then she undermines herself by being like, here, take this vodka to show I'm over it. But your words sting.
Starting point is 00:25:50 Your words sting. They sting. Who says that to a woman? How could you say that to a woman? You better talk about a woman's life. And Lydia, the cheeseburger eater, like, I love the way she just kind of went into him. Yeah, she's a little fucking chihuahua, man. She just went in there with her big old beavers and clipped off of Slade, man.
Starting point is 00:26:13 I loved it. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And she makes, by the way, like, salient arguments. Like, her arguments make sense. She stands up for herself. Now, Vicky's, like, out there. She just sort of makes a lot of noise. Right.
Starting point is 00:26:24 But Lydia was, like, schooling Slade on every point, and he's like, well, I only say these things to Vicky because of what she says to me. And she's like, well, I didn't say anything to you. And so, of course, he, of course, had no response to that. And Gretchen said, you know, like, hmm, you know. And all the guys stayed back. Like, Lydia's
Starting point is 00:26:40 husband stayed back, and he knew that she could handle herself, and that was a really cool part. You could see as the camera panned around who was actually pushing who away. Like if you go back, I watched it three times and there was a little bit of management going on. Even Heather's husband took Heather, put her behind him and stood in front to make sure that nothing was going to happen.
Starting point is 00:27:02 Pretty crazy. Well those are two examples. Terry and then, what's his name, the hot kind of hunchback husband, whatever his name is. They're both very good husbands because, no, Eddie's the big giant. Jim Bellino, don't you remember the hot one? No, Lydia's husband.
Starting point is 00:27:18 I'm going to take out my $1,000 scarf and just dab the tears with it. Oh, God. He's so disgusting. Why don't you take that $1,000 scarf and just dab the tears with it. Oh, God. He's so disgusting. Why don't you take that $1,000 scarf and put it to good use to someone who's needy, like Vicky's boobs. Wrap it around Vicky. You can just donate it to us, and we'll make good use out of it. There are starving African children who would die to not look like they have flat-jab boobs on national TV.
Starting point is 00:27:44 We need to bring it here. Guys, just so you know, the cast of Malibu Country received complimentary scarves. I'm just going to put that out there. I mean, only the actors did. Only if you were an actress. Right. Not a walk-on.
Starting point is 00:28:02 Not a walk-on. I do have to say, though, that in that fight, Vicky and Lydia were two totally separate things. Of course, Lydia was right with Slade. The thing with Vicky is, I loved when Gretchen came out and said, okay, well, maybe we should have deadbeat dad vodka and get over what you said about us. And everyone's having a fit on the Internet about that,
Starting point is 00:28:22 but she's totally right. She is. Vicky was slamming him for years. You can't just go slam somebody for years and expect them not to take any retaliation. Well, you slam someone about one thing, and then you turn around and date someone who's done the same exact thing. You're paused, but you're paused in such a few feet. Yeah. She got a good zing in there.
Starting point is 00:28:44 She enjoyed herself. She seems very she got a good zing in there. She enjoyed herself. She seems very happy with doing that zing. It didn't make much in the group, but it had an afterlife of its own on the internet. So there you go, Gretchen. By the way, please don't tell Adrian Maloof that you just said that, because Adrian Maloof's vodka is called zing,
Starting point is 00:28:58 so you know how she upsets you guys when you mess up her brand, like the whole of us. You know, we haven't talked about Adrian Maloof since halfway through last season when we hated her ass the whole of us. Yeah, we haven't talked about Adrienne Malouf since halfway through last season when we hated her ass. Bye-bye. Yeah, bye. I mean, all these bitches are crazy.
Starting point is 00:29:13 I mean, that's for sure. I think what, I mean, in Vicky's weird, warped-up logic, I think what she tried to say last season was that, yes, Brooks, like, he wasn't paying child support or whatever, but then he worked to fix it. Like, it was support or whatever, but then he worked to fix it. Like, it was a mistake or whatever, but he worked to fix it, whereas Slade not only, like, doesn't pay, like, his support,
Starting point is 00:29:32 but, like, he just, like, loafs off of Gretchen, and I think that's what she's trying to indicate. But then last night she was like, well, I stopped! I stopped! So I don't know what she's trying to say. Do you like Teresa too, Ben? Yes. We're team Teresa, too, Ben? Ugh, I hate Teresa. We're team Teresa. Teresa live, right here.
Starting point is 00:29:49 How much is Vicky paying you for that, is what I want to know. Oh, well, no, I'm just trying. Here's the thing. It's on the show. I hate Slade so much that I'm willing to look at Vicky's warped logic in order to spread Slade. That's all I'm saying. What about Slade's
Starting point is 00:30:05 horrible... What about Slade's brother? Kent. The Danny DeVito of the Twins set. Oh man, that was hard to look at. Make me go backwards there for a minute. Well, you've got to hand it to the dentist in Orange County.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Wasn't it Gretchen who called him the Swamp Thing version of Slade? Yep, Swamp Man. Welcome to the family. Unfortunately for Gretchen, because of the surgery that she's had, she's now become the Swamp version Gretchen of Gretchen.
Starting point is 00:30:41 So she's one to talk. You guys are going to hate me, but I actually liked the Gretchen that I saw this season. talk. You guys are going to hate me, but I actually liked the Gretchen that I saw this season, and I'm not a big fan of the OC, so some of the stuff that I got to see with her in the one-on-one, I liked. The other shit outside, not so much.
Starting point is 00:30:56 In the confessional? You know, it's little things that give Gretchen away. It's little things that give her away. Like, she's funny. Her diary rooms are really fun, always. She's really fun to watch, but it's the little thing. It's like when she give her away. Like, she's funny. Her diary rooms are really fun always. She's really fun to watch. But it's the little thing. It's like when she went to Malibu Country,
Starting point is 00:31:09 like, stood there on her fucking cell phone in a studio audience. That is so tacky. Or, you know, when she dumped Alexis because Tamara told her to. Or any scene that she's in with Slate. She shat on Alexis last season about, like, the Fox 6. And she's like, oh, yeah, I had. She basically did what Heather did to her, to Alexis, you know, last season. She has those moments.
Starting point is 00:31:31 You know, like, on this episode, during the fight with Heather, Gretchen made a funny comment in the confessional. She's like, you know, I don't think any of us are in-demand actresses. Right. And, like, that's what we used to always get from Gretchen was, like, a lot of self-awareness that was, like, really funny. But since she started dating Slade she's become like very
Starting point is 00:31:47 like caught up in herself and how she looks and appears and she's like self-involved. No, I hate her. She's kind of always been. I mean, I liked her better this season looks-wise because she was less like pageant-y, like with the big side hair, pageant hair. Like she's like when Honey
Starting point is 00:32:03 Boo Boo looks in the mirror, Honey Boo Boo thinks she looks like Gretchen, right? Like, just big, super-duper flowers. Like, a lot of that's gone. A lot of the tchotchkes gone out of the hair, so I'm happy with that. Yeah. I just wish she could smile. I mean, they showed a montage, because, you know,
Starting point is 00:32:19 she's just become so serious, and she's probably got a big smile on her face the whole time, but every time anybody talks to her, she's just become so serious and she's probably got a big smile on her face the whole time. But every time anybody talks to her, she's like. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History?
Starting point is 00:32:42 Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some.
Starting point is 00:33:09 As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. or be eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List,
Starting point is 00:33:48 Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation
Starting point is 00:33:58 to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death.
Starting point is 00:34:17 Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. I'm sorry about what I said. It's like, no you're not. I really am. I really am sorry, but no one can tell. I'm going to go back. It's that spray tan. It's got to like freeze up their face or something. I swear
Starting point is 00:34:39 I want it. Death becomes her. It's like death becomes her. That's what I see happening. Porcel it? Death Becomes Her. It's like Death Becomes Her. That's what I see happening. Like, you know, porcelain crack, repair, don't move, okay. You know. It's Death Becomes Her without all the wit. Which is basically Orange County.
Starting point is 00:34:58 There you go. Pretty much. So the reunion seems to be like it's going to be a huge blast. We've got a lot of finger-pointing. We've got a lot of yelling. I honestly could tell you, like, I can't wait. Is it going to be a three-parter? Does anybody know?
Starting point is 00:35:16 Yeah. Three parts of this. Oh, my God. It's a three-parter, and they shot it before the finale was shot. So, unfortunately, we're not going to get to see Ryan get called out for being a total misogynist. No, they will, because they showed them, I think, the final episodes before those reunions. They will definitely call out Ryan. Oh, they do?
Starting point is 00:35:31 I can find out. Isn't he in, like, fighting? Yeah, he's over there. He won't be there, but I'm sure they'll speak about him. I mean, honestly, when I saw the way Brianna was making excuses for him, and then like, honestly, he did nothing wrong, whatever, it really repulsed me to my core. Everything we saw in the episode, that really repulsed me the most.
Starting point is 00:35:51 Like, I was like, oh, here comes the abusive behavior. Like, this is, you know, she – Brianna was always the voice of reason. And I wrote on our Facebook page last night, like, you know, congratulations, Brianna. You had seven great years of it being the voice of reason. And now you can join the club of these idiot, eluded wives who champion their asshole husbands. Yeah, you're officially an asshole now. Congratulations. But she wasn't there, she didn't know what went down, and she wanted to take his side, and she didn't want to have a fight after the fact.
Starting point is 00:36:17 She was protecting the house. She didn't want to have a fight after the fact. She's got a baby, she's got a breastfeed. Otherwise she'll be leaking milk all over the place. She's get excited. Excuse me, I remember her ducking several times when the uncle was going at her.
Starting point is 00:36:31 And every time he would go like that with his elbow, she would jump back like, he hits me. She was there enough to see that he was on a rampage against some older lady. That's just not okay. And then she's sitting there smiling like, okay, I get it. But, you know, she was putting her feet on the couch.
Starting point is 00:36:50 Shut up, Brianna. It's not your fucking couch. Get the hell. You know, someone also posted this in a comment. What the hell is with Brianna? She was a smart girl, independent. She was going to become a nurse. And now she's living off the fucking government in her mom's house with some baby from some dude she met in a bar.
Starting point is 00:37:05 Brianna, come on, Brianna. Grow up a little bit. It's true. And they're talking about defending this house. I mean, I don't know. I personally believe any house that's been decorated with Ashley furniture and signs that say Caliente in the kitchen is not worth defending. I'm sorry. Like, if you have five pieces of rooster art,
Starting point is 00:37:22 there is no defending. There is no defending it. Didn't we have the tour of the household we'd done the week before? So, like, that would make fitting for them to say, oh, yeah, by the way, I'm just going to go off on this bitch like crazy for having her feet up on my sofa. Yeah, this is not fucking Buckingham Palace here. A real housewife is like a Lisa Vanderpump. She'll make fun of you for leaving spray tan on her couch.
Starting point is 00:37:44 There you go. But bitch doesn't care. She just bought a new couch the next day. There's some homeless person downtown on Skid Row sleeping on the other one. So you're saying that the Orange County women have to wait for their check to cash, right?
Starting point is 00:37:58 They have to wait for that to come in. Orange County women, you know, Vicki's like, oh, I'm going to renew everything. I've got a whole new life, you know. It's called refinancing your mortgage. Come on, Vicki. Well, you know, Vicky's like, oh, I'm going to renew everything. I've got a whole new life, you know. It's called refinancing your mortgage. Come on, Vicky. Well, I mean, they lease all their cars. They can lease a couch, right?
Starting point is 00:38:12 Exactly. Wrong choice, please. What did you guys think of the... Probably came from Gina's, like, tag sale. Yes, from a tag sale. What did you guys think of the fact that Ryan took the information What did you guys think of the fact that Ryan took the information about how much he hates Brooks to Gretchen and Slade, knowing the war between him and Vicky? I thought that was funny.
Starting point is 00:38:36 Brianna did that last year as well. Brianna's really sneaky. She's totally a housewife. If she doesn't get her way, she goes and spreads venom to everybody. She was doing that last year with Tamara at that finale at Heather's stupid party. She was up there saying that all this shady stuff was happening with Brooks, and she was totally fueling that fire that
Starting point is 00:38:53 had been going on with Tamara, and that's what got Tamara so upset that by the time they all sat down together, Tamara was rolling her eyes and all this stuff at Brooks. Brianna started that last year, if you go back last year. But Tamara and Vicky were friends pretty much up to that.
Starting point is 00:39:09 Tamara, I mean, Vicky and Gretchen were never really friends. Let me tell you something. Those who live in tacky glass houses shouldn't throw stones because you know what? There's going to be some dirt on Ryan, especially the way he behaves now. It's all going to come out now because people are going to want to take him down.
Starting point is 00:39:27 This is what happens, and he should be careful because he's going to get the information thrown at him. I'm sure he has a line of four girlfriends from high school who claim they have black eyes and stuff like that. You know what? I think that the guys that he oversees with and in his barracks might be giving him some crap because he's being shown on this whippy ass TV show while they're out there in Warsaw. Maybe he's got some personal issues about the cameras being there and always being in his face when he's there. He's not so happy about it anymore where before he was so welcoming to it. So go get a house. Get out of my face!
Starting point is 00:40:06 Yeah, yeah. But you know what though? There's actually there has been something disrespectful about him since the very beginning. It was never this rude and violent. He called Vicky a bitch. He told Vicky to stop being such a bitch like a few weeks ago. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:40:21 Honestly, the whole, I mean, I didn't really care about that that he loped, eloped but really think about it right was a huge act a passive aggression yeah and he was part of that he was very much part of any maybe even you know proposed it you know the point is this guy we sort of like whatever whatever you know we like Brianna so anyone makes Brianna happy we're happy for but now not anymore I don't know no I did to your point that the difference was last year Anyone who makes Brianna happy, we're happy for. But now? Not anymore. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:40:47 To your point that the difference was last year, Brianna was talking to Tamara, who is a real friend of Vicky's, and this year she's talking to Gretchen. Well, Brianna knows how to manipulate Vicky. Slade said some nasty stuff about Vicky's face, and she not only got a face change, like she got her whole fucking face redone because of it, she also built a business around it. So Brianna knows that anything that Slade
Starting point is 00:41:06 says is going to cause Vicky to take action. So if Slade starts calling him a deadbeat dad on a stupid radio show, maybe Vicky will dump him. Brianna's a mastermind, you guys. She is a mastermind terrorist. You heard it here first. Oh! Instead of doing all that work, why doesn't she just
Starting point is 00:41:22 leave Ryan? If he had any money, she would. That is something that is attractive to her. So who's worse? Who's worse, Ryan or Shane Keough? Oh, God, Ryan, because he's way less fuckable than Shane. I mean, Shane is hot. Shane you can almost forgive because he's not violent.
Starting point is 00:41:43 He's just stupid. Right. And he grew up, right right so he's all nice and normal he's an actor now he's got a terrible country he's still terrible didn't you see that reunion that hundred special episode special and he's like I don't regret
Starting point is 00:42:00 what I said I just regret how I said it you know isn't it ironic that I started on TV and now I'm an actor shut up you're not an actor I don't regret what I said. I just regret how I said it. You know, isn't it ironic that, like, I started on TV and now I'm an actor? Shut up! You're not an actor. I've never even heard you. I've never even... Reba McEntire doesn't even know who your stupid ass is.
Starting point is 00:42:12 He hired a PR guy to give him the lines for that. Yeah. Yeah. All right, look. Since we have you guys here, unless there's anything else Orange County you guys want to talk, I want to talk a little bit of House of Jersey Housewives. Oh, Curveball!
Starting point is 00:42:28 Okay. Yes, Curve. I mean, is there any other OC stuff you guys want to talk about? No, I've got it all. Yeah, I am good. We need people to help convince Michelle that we need people on our side hating Teresa. Nope. Nope.
Starting point is 00:42:43 Okay, here's my thing on Teresa, and I say this every time. Teresa is a psycho, horrible, horrible human being who's gonna be rotting in hell and probably deserves to get smacked on the head with a baseball bat. But she's hilarious. So I'm on her side.
Starting point is 00:43:00 I'm not taking away her good TV. She's brilliant TV, the same way that Aaron's good TV on Big Brother. But in real life, she's fucking batshit crazy. Yeah, but I hate, I'm not rooting, I never root for Teresa. If that's what you're getting to,
Starting point is 00:43:16 she is hilarious to watch and you need to have her on there, but I never, ever, ever root for her. If there's ever some sort of argument, I'm always going to take the other person's side, sort of like with Slade. If there's ever some sort of argument, I'm always going to take the other person's side, sort of like with Slade. I don't need more. I'm totally team Teresa against Melissa.
Starting point is 00:43:30 Yeah, I think Teresa's always been able to prove her point. Nobody's been able to actually say, I've said this before, you have to make sure that you say exactly what she said or else she can deny it. It has to be exact, and that's her way of playing the game. Bill Clinton, baby. Bill Clinton. We still love him. He has to be exact. And that's her way of playing the game. Bill Clinton, baby. Bill Clinton.
Starting point is 00:43:46 We still love him. He does the same thing. He still does it. He'll still say, I never had sexual relations with that woman. So why did she throw out the sprinkle cookies then? That was mean. Because Melissa stopped at some fucking Ralph's on her way over there and got the cheapest
Starting point is 00:44:01 $2 cookie she could and tried to upstage Teresa's cookies that she probably stole her grandma's recipe and spent two days making. Fuck Melissa! And also all this stuff about Melissa manipulating her way onto the show trying to bring down Teresa and all of these recent accusations that Melissa is
Starting point is 00:44:17 probably the one who funded, who, I'm not funded but gave all that evidence to the cops in the first place to bring the bitch down. I believe all of that. That's what I was going to say. We have not done a show since all of the Teresa stuff has come out. I don't know if you guys have.
Starting point is 00:44:33 What do we think of all of this? She's going to jail. Actually, he's going to go to jail. She's somehow going to get off, I think. We had someone, actually, one of our listeners wrote to us and she works at a federal court in Ohio. Hello.
Starting point is 00:44:48 Is that you? Is that you? Well, that's not me who wrote, but... Oh, I was like, was that really you, Michelle? Oh my gosh. What's happening? Are you like an agent? Of course.
Starting point is 00:45:03 I love a good municipal building. Yeah, that's my background. So yeah, I want to hear what this person has to say because now I can... All right, well, I'll tell you. So she works in Ohio, and she says she's been there for like 12 years or whatever. And she said the truth is that, I don't know if it's the same in Jersey, but usually with cases like these the you know the federal prosecutors have really built a very strong case and they have like a 99% success rate with
Starting point is 00:45:31 at least the court house that she works in yeah not in Jersey as far as Jersey goes what they probably wind up doing is that anything that is the white-collar crime that she has, she might wind up getting probation. He'll take the brunt of whatever it is, and she'll have a lot of restrictions, and she'll have to pay fines. I doubt very much that she will have to do like a Martha Stewart or a Leona Helmsley and go away to a camp because that would be the highest security facility that she would have to go to. She would not be a behind-bars, hardcore prisoner. It is a white-collar crime, so she would be going to a camp. However, they can't take her away from the kids. She is the sole provider for the kids.
Starting point is 00:46:14 She is the income for the kids, so they probably would just give her a huge fine and probation. Him, on the other hand, Juicy Joe, might have a little harder time. I think that if – and he's the best thing when you get when you get committed as you get it the her name is Al when you get arrested as a federal crime you get shipped all around but then you get brought you have to be within a 200 mile radius
Starting point is 00:46:40 of where your residence is now that's going to be a problem because his residence is in New Jersey, but he doesn't have a legal visa. So that's an exportation. I told you if you're going to get this detailed, we need diagrams. I know! I know! This is all he has to do. Teresa really should have consulted with you, Michelle. I know. I got you hooked. All Joe has to do is when they put the cuffs on him, I know. Call me twice, I got you hooked.
Starting point is 00:47:07 All Joe has to do is when they put the cuffs on him, he'll be like, yo, you got the wrong guy, and then show us the fake idea of his brother. Like, I'm not Joe Giudice, I'm his brother. And he'll have like a little mustache on. Brings that little big town, whatever it's called. He'll wind up going either to like Fort Dix for a little while, or he'll come up to... Yeah, he will be going to Fort Dix for a little while, or he'll come up to New York,
Starting point is 00:47:28 upper New York, in Otisville, and there's a whole mob section right there that he'll wind up just getting right in with. It's still a white-collar crime. There's no weapons involved, so he's a low security. He's not going to go to some big pen.
Starting point is 00:47:44 The amount of money that it costs to send a person to prison, he'll be like, let me just pay all this. Let me squash all this. Give me all the fines you've got to give me. I'll spend six months in jail. He'll get a year. He'll get 64 days off for good behavior. He'll be out in six months.
Starting point is 00:48:00 It could be the best thing that happened to him. He's going to be forced to work out every day and not eat as much. He's not going to have to get a job. It's like his favorite him. He's going to be forced to work out every day and not eat as much. And he's not going to have to get a job. I mean, it's like his favorite life. And he's going to be surrounded by penises. You know he's going to be like the best thing that ever happened to him. Remember what he did as a child? Remember he mentioned that?
Starting point is 00:48:15 He's like, yeah, don't you remember, you know, playing with the other guy's penises, you know? Oh, my God. I have one goal of you, and mark my words. Neither of them are going to jail at all, because a post-Sandy New Jersey needs money coming in from tourists, and Housewives is where that money comes from.
Starting point is 00:48:36 Jersey sure is gone. I know nobody believes it, but the television shows based around Jersey is what brings people to Jersey. And if Bravo is threatening to cancel Housewives of Jersey now, that state needs to... No, never. Yeah, I don't think... Why have we
Starting point is 00:48:52 not heard a single peep out of Danielle Staub over the past week about this? Like, why is she not just, like... She's dead. She's dead. We're hearing from Kim Ji, but we're not hearing anything from Danielle. I would love to have Danielle come back and just, like, enjoy this moment. After all this shit they put her through.
Starting point is 00:49:09 Well, Danielle's friends with Teresa again. No, Danielle and Teresa are friends again. Yeah, didn't you notice on the last episode when Teresa had that fight with Jacqueline and she said, you know, I mean, look, it's the same thing you did with Danielle. You were pretending to be friends with Danielle, and then you went crazy on her, and everybody had to hate Danielle because you did. She was totally sticking up for Danielle even though she's the one who flipped the table over on her damn head. But she's basically, you know, she's on her side now ever since the Melissa stuff because
Starting point is 00:49:35 Danielle helped Teresa prove that Melissa was feeding information and trying to bring her down. It was so shady that show. I love it. So you guys mentioned about Melissa handing evidence over and turning Teresa in. I mean, what did her and Joe do? Was it like a heart-to-heart special where they snuck in the house and went through their file drawers?
Starting point is 00:49:54 Oh, look, a falsified loan document. Well, they're friends. Okay, this is obviously just speculation, okay? Just saying allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Okay, this? Just saying allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly.
Starting point is 00:50:07 Okay, this is a Bravo show. So, okay, here's what I'm thinking. Okay. From what I learned from Twitter, which has taught me everything. Okay. Totally. So, Monica Chacon, that bitch, is the one that we saw at the party get kicked out of Melissa's Christmas party. Do you remember that? Yeah, the one Teresa wanted.
Starting point is 00:50:27 Teresa was like, this is the woman who's suing us. We were just in court today. She was calling me names in the parking lot. Get rid of her. And Melissa got rid of her. Well, that Chacon bitch is friends with Kim G. Melissa is all friends with them. And Jacqueline. So everyone's saying that these are
Starting point is 00:50:43 like a clique now and that you see them talking back and forth on Twitter and this and that. So when Monica's been the one, she came out and bragged the day that Teresa got indicted saying that it was because of her and all the evidence that she turned over that got Teresa indicted. She's basically taking credit for all of this
Starting point is 00:50:59 publicly on purpose. They give up information. They do? They get $25,000 for giving up information for a federal crime oh my god Teresa's got a bomb strapped to her back my I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm just so we cast I basically Monica to come on hisacon has been building this case,
Starting point is 00:51:26 but they haven't been able to proceed without evidence. Now, this is where it gets really speculative. People are saying that, of course, Joe and Melissa have a key to Teresa's house, so if they need anything, or maybe Jacqueline has an old key to her house, if they need anything, all they have to do is go in and get it. And also, they know, even if they don't have any evidence at all or handed over any evidence at all, the stuff that they could have told on to get Teresa and Joe in trouble
Starting point is 00:51:53 obviously is huge. Right. All you have to do is point the federal commission in a direction, and they just go with it. I swear you don't really have to do much, guys. The best part of all of this is gonna be, and I, you know, I'm not really that Christian, but I
Starting point is 00:52:12 really pray when I need something, and right now I'm praying for a lot of money, a giant penis, and for Jacqueline to get arrested for all of her stealing from charities, which she's been doing. I want Caroline to get arrested for hiding bodies in the brownstone because you know they're making wedding
Starting point is 00:52:27 soup out of that. Who else is on this damn show that needs to be arrested? And Melissa needs to be arrested for something. I don't know what yet, but I'll get her. Just a decent proposal all the way around. Everything about her is wrong for me. Yeah, me too.
Starting point is 00:52:44 Can we lighten up the topic and talk about Rosie going to a gay bar with her brother-in-law and sister and Melissa, and I was appalled. At who? Here's what I love about Rosie. Rosie
Starting point is 00:53:00 has the balls, truly, I think she does have the balls, to go on this show and talk about how she doesn't like dating online because there's nothing but freaks out there, while she's sitting there dressed with, like, a weird little, like, cravat from, like, 1973, and her hair in, like, a pseudo-Julia Child thing, and, like, lipstick going up this way.
Starting point is 00:53:17 Like, I'm sorry, Rosie. You're not one to talk. Just be happy for anything that comes drifting your way, okay? Sorry. Just put a nut in the water and wait for some guppies to get in there. Close the van door and drive as fast as you can down the street with them stuck in there. But also having no game, sitting there and getting drunk, saying, listen, I'm still under construction.
Starting point is 00:53:38 What, Vicky? Now we've got a lesbian under construction now, too? I mean, come on. What are people going to get done? They wound up with Swingers Night and she goes, I don't swing. I only swing one way. No. Lesbians don't swing.
Starting point is 00:53:54 We die. You got it wrong. That's why you got no play, woman. We die. Call her, Rosie. What tips would you have for her? Lady to lady. What tips would you have for Rosie? the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the what's up would you have a rosy I'll I you know I yeah I want to stop Jersey I love the project got no game without Jersey I keep that shit separate I'll
Starting point is 00:54:18 I Richard not your white okay just let us know come on yeah I just I just I think that she's now with that woman Richard Tunnel. It's not your whites, okay? Just let us know. Come on, tell us. I think that she's now with that woman, Ellen. I think they're either really good friends, because she does do a lot of tweeting with her, and they go to Fire Island together, so maybe she did hit it off. Maybe this woman, Ellen, is a friend, and they're going to bring her back for the next
Starting point is 00:54:38 season. Who knows? But apparently, whatever happened in that bar, she made a friend, and maybe got a little nookie in the side. I don't know. Well, you know, I think that Rosie's problem has never been that she's ugly or any of this. I think it's that she's like a severely depressed bipolar alcoholic
Starting point is 00:54:54 who sits in her mom's house drunk in the basement. I mean, have you seen her void raging like crazy? It's like anybody can get laid. You know, like I'm not going to get laid in West Hollywood, but I can go to the east side where there's big hairy guys, put on a leather cap, and I'll have a line outside my door. There's a lot of bars in Jersey that are strictly just lesbians. I mean, you have to know where the roaming party is going to be.
Starting point is 00:55:17 Or lesbians. You guys are like the vagabonds. It's like, all right, lesbians, all right, here's a bar open. No one's going to know until Tuesday. They have this stick with a red scarf onians, alright, here's a bar open, no one's gonna know until Tuesday. They have this stick with a red scarf on it, okay, let's go. It's so good. We just take over, we just say, hey, let's just meet at this bar, and if it's straight, we don't care, it turns into a lesbian bar for the weekend. It's like one of those random things.
Starting point is 00:55:42 It's like flash mobbing, it's like flash mobbing hetero bars. It's like those underground clubs in the 90s, right? With the glow sticks. It's not a lesbian bar, we just stepped in it. You're right, you're right. Her living with her mom is killing her any game that she has. And being a mama's girl is killing her game. And that's fine, she's very protective.
Starting point is 00:56:03 She's everything that a real dyke is. Except she's single. Well, she's a real dyke, so maybe she is single and that's what a real dyke is. But she needs to step away from that and live out on her own and stay away from the alcohol. That scotch that she's drinking does her no good.
Starting point is 00:56:19 Oh my god. It's kind of hilarious. That's probably the worst part because everyone loves Rosie. Everyone who watches the show loves Rosie. But the more that we're seeing her, the more we're seeing that she's a heavy drinker and she's not like a fun heavy drinker. She's terrible. My favorite scene of the year so far
Starting point is 00:56:35 was that scene with Teresa in that bar when she's confronting Teresa and she's like, What about me? Kill you! Don't talk about my brother! I love you, baby. Okay, so when Rosie was at the reunion last year, well I'll I'll I'll okay I'll reunion last year and you know she was screaming in the background yeah okay I got
Starting point is 00:56:55 so many Twitter messages Facebook messages and all calls the people like Michelle was that you like I'll I'll yes I was in the set yeah thanks I so far apart but yet so similar thanks I don't understand okay she hasn't had sex in six years I mean while you're in between dating why can't you just get to know your own body for you know what I mean I think she does understand it better just grab one of Kathy's stale
Starting point is 00:57:25 cannolis and just eat it. With all the Ben and Jerry's flavors they have out now, all the free internet porn, like the top shelf internet porn, and lube that heats up, why would anybody have a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Stay the fuck home.
Starting point is 00:57:40 Here's the problem. The problem is that she can't bring anybody around her sister because she doesn't want to have to hear her sister. So this has been a problem from way back when, who knows how long. And nobody is good enough for – Screw the sister. It has nothing to do with the sister. It has to do with –
Starting point is 00:57:57 She probably doesn't want Richie around. They'll be making out. They'll be in bed and all of a sudden Richie's face will show up. He'll be like, eh. Get in there. Get in that clam sauce. Eh. Get in there, get in that clam sauce, eh. Get in there, yeah. You know what?
Starting point is 00:58:08 That's what the lesbians do. Good job, bro. John, I'm going to tell you, last week I was hurting because I wanted to talk about that whole fucking grab to ditch thing with the trust thing and all that. I was freaking out. I was like, yo, if my brother-in-law touched me, he'd be down on the ground and I'd be still hitting his head to today. Like, stop! Yeah, well, we are going way too
Starting point is 00:58:32 far back. We're going way too far back. And we need to wrap it up anyway. So, I only have one question for the not-here Matt and for Ben and Ronnie. Blame Tom Warner. Tom Warner's really
Starting point is 00:58:47 fucking up all over the place lately, aren't they? Well, if you guys need to connect, you can connect to my TiVo and you can watch. Who is going out this week on Big Brother? That's all. Because I know we could talk for hours about Big Brother. Who do you think right now is going out this week on Big Brother?
Starting point is 00:59:04 I haven't been following the live feeds too closely. I think I read the other night, is there like finally a movement against Amanda a little bit? Or is this going to be Candice's time to go? It's a double eviction, right? Oh. Double eviction. Amanda's definitely
Starting point is 00:59:20 going. Yeah, if people are smart they would get rid of Amanda and McCray both. But they're not smart. So it's going to be Candace and Jesse. I mean, this is a house full of racists. Of course they're going to get rid of Candace. It's going to be Candace and Jess, I think. They're trying to have a little movement to actually now elicit,
Starting point is 00:59:36 everybody's trying to say, you know, get Spencer out, but now Helen is trying to squash that by disconnecting herself and saying, you know, like, Spencer's a good guy, he needs to stay. Why is Spencer a good guy? Isn't Spencer like the one calling women C- herself and saying, you know, like, Spencer's a good guy. He needs to stay. Why is Spencer a good guy? Isn't Spencer, like, the one calling women C-words and, like, being disgusting?
Starting point is 00:59:51 Masturbating to kiddie porn? Yeah. Please tell us everything. Like, update us on what a pig he is because I don't watch the feeds. All right. Real quick, it was a joke. He picked up the microphone.
Starting point is 01:00:01 Wait a minute, Michelle. Michelle, he just said, this is where you fail and i try and train you on marketing he just said i don't watch the feeds oh yeah i was supposed to be breaking news live feed show okay you can watch on my feed show you can read my blog um he he picked up mcrae's microphone pack when mrae was in the shower and he was like, oh yeah, I like to watch kiddie porn and I like that they're five and six year olds. It was him being stupid and a joke and that's how he is.
Starting point is 01:00:34 Everything that he jokes about is sexual, but that's that whole porn thing. I think that if it went into the right ears that that was said, that might be enough to get him out inside the house. People will be turned off, but it's not going to happen. It's just not going to happen. Candace will wind up going home. I have a funny feeling Jessie's going to win HOH. It would be a good time for her to win HOH.
Starting point is 01:00:57 She won't be in HOH long. She can get anybody she wants out right away. So it could be Amanda that goes out next after that on the double-election. I feel like McRae is going to. I feel like the competition is going to be involving some sort of crawling through a crate of balls. Looking for a clown shoe, right.
Starting point is 01:01:15 Yeah, looking for a clown shoe. I feel like McRae is going to be really good at that for some reason. Well, my greatest fear is that they're going to get rid of all the fun people to watch. I mean, Erin's horrible and I can't wait to watch her get set on fire when she leaves the house. I need her to be there. She's hilarious. Amanda's hilarious.
Starting point is 01:01:31 These hateful people are so funny to watch. Gina Marie. Yeah, Gina Marie. I don't want to be stuck. I know she said the N word and stuff and I'm not sticking up for Gina Marie because who would do that? But I don't think she's hateful. She's just like terrible. You know?
Starting point is 01:01:46 What I said was that she probably sticks around with the group that she hangs out with and that's acceptable with the group that she hangs out with and everybody talks like that but she forgets she's not with that group anymore and she needs to change it. You know? So her vocabulary is limited. You know? It's just what it is. It's the best you can be.
Starting point is 01:02:04 Not only is's both limited and extremely expansive with new words we've never even heard before. Exuberated, exuberated, exuberated. Yeah. You guys, don't hate Gina Marie. Hate Staten Island.
Starting point is 01:02:22 It's true. I used to live there, so I can say that was a good idea. Oh my god, we have to talk. St. George! St. George! Alright you guys, I'm out of here. I gotta go back to the feeds. You know where to find me. Find me on Twitter at YouHaveBronx. And you know where the blogs are. You gotta go to YourRealityRecaps.com. Check out our feeds, check out our blogs, check out our recaps, check it out. All right, well, thanks for watching, guys. I'm Ben Mandelker. Come check out my blog, bsideblog.com.
Starting point is 01:02:51 I'm going to do a Big Brother post later today. And then check me out on Twitter and on Instagram and on Vine, all at bsideblog, and Facebook too, bsideblog. Thanks. Hey, I'm Ronnie. Thanks so much for having me. You can find me at TrashTalkTV.com and I'm doing Big Brother in Two Minutes
Starting point is 01:03:08 every Friday on YouTube at YouTube.com slash TrashTalkTV spelled T-E-E-V-E-E. Thanks. Hey, it's John in Seattle. Check out my Housewives blog at YourRealityRecaps.com and follow me on Twitter at ComedyJonah. So after all
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