Watch What Crappens - #89: Eat, Drink, Yell At Each Other About Nothing
Episode Date: August 14, 2013It was another live show on our TheTVClique: Watch What Crappens YouTube page. Ben Mandelker (bsideblog), Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) and Matt Whitfield (Yahoo!) got together to talk crap abou...t the Real Housewives of Orange County reunion part 1, the Real Housewives of Miami premiere, and Bravo's new excuse for women to turn on each other, Eat, Drink Love. We had a great time, and hope you do too! Come on in! Our YouTube Podcasts: http://www.youtube.com/thetvclique Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Matt on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/lifeonthemlist Matt on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lifeonthemlist See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey, everyone.
Welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast that's all about Bravo.
I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com, and joining me this week is the lovely Ronnie
Caron from TrashTalkTV.com.
Hi, Ronnie.
Hi!
And Matt Woodfield from Yahoo.
Hi, Matt.
Hi! Ronnie is at Trash... I'm sorry, Matt, but let And Matt Woodfield from Yahoo. Hi, Matt. Hi.
Ronnie is at Trash...
I'm sorry, Matt, but let me just say this real quickly.
Ronnie is at TrashTweetTV on Twitter,
and also Ronnie Karam on Instagram.
And then Matt is LifeOnTheMList on Instagram and Twitter,
and I'm bsideblog on Twitter, Instagram, Vine, wherever.
Hi, guys. Hi, guys.
Hi. Hello.
This was a busy-ass Bravo week.
There was a lot of good stuff going on this week on the
Brobs. There's new
shows, there's old shows,
and we got gossip. There's so much to cover.
By the way,
facebook.com forward slash watchourcrappens.
That's our Facebook page where we've now
crossed the 1,800
fan threshold. Thank you everyone
who is supporting the show and coming and
leaving comments. We love you all
immensely. Yeah, you guys. And during these live
shows, you can go to that Facebook page and
we'll be reading your comments. That's why I keep staring at the
computer screen. Yeah. And also
we'll be reading your comments while we do it.
And you can also tweet at us. And for people who are listening
to this on iTunes,
on the podcast, that includes... Seriously, is your dog barking already?
Because the mailman has to come every time.
Like, maybe we shouldn't do this at 4.30
because that's when the stupid mailman comes.
It's okay.
The dog is the most professional part of our podcast.
Oh, blame the dog and not the postal service.
The dog is actually, like, one of the... It's like we're the housewives, and Bueller is, like, a friend not the postal service. The dog is actually one of the...
We're the housewives and Bueller is a friend
of the housewives.
Bueller is like the Camille of the group.
Trying very hard to show.
Bueller is a Cedric. He just takes on my crap
and makes me pick up his poop.
Never gives me thanks. Never even talks to me.
Before Bueller started rudely
barking, if you were listening to this on iTunes
sometime later this week
know that we are recording this live
on YouTube
and if you come to our YouTube page
youtube.com forward slash the TV click
and subscribe, you'll be able to find out
how you can watch us live
because those of you who are watching live
are able to tweet questions at us
and write comments on our Facebook page
and we'll answer your questions over the course of the podcast,
which is really, like, awesome of us,
so you're welcome.
No, no one's on board with that.
Matt, do you have a light that you can maybe shine on your face?
You're looking a little backlit right now.
I'm in a conference room,
but I suppose that I could shut...
That is not the answer to my question.
Would shutting a blind
make it better? I think so. I think that'd be
lovely. Even though it's a beautiful view out there, I think
maybe we could... I love that you're
art directing me. I am. You know,
why not? I want to make it nicer for the
viewers. We have to art direct after that
episode of Real Housewives of Miami.
It's all glossy and slick.
I know. We want to make you look as beautiful
as the women of Miami, because we know that you
are even more so.
Should we start with some gossip? We have so
much to get to. So the breaking
news gossip that I think we're all going to
maybe talk about right here is actually like sad
gossip. I feel bad calling it gossip, but
Ashley, our favorite little munchkin
from Princesses Long Island, suffered
another stroke, I guess today or yesterday,
which is like a downer.
So I don't know.
We can't really laugh at that.
Is it confirmed?
Did it really happen?
Well, Casey, I think, tweeted saying, like,
sending my prayers to my girl Ashley, who suffered another stroke.
I'm not trying to be rude and awful, but that's my role in this threesome,
so I'm just going to put this out there.
But Chris Brown suffered a stroke a few days ago
in a recording studio.
A seizure.
Oh, there's a difference between a stroke and a seizure.
I forgot.
Thank you for just liking it.
But I loved the idea that you were about to take Ashley
and Chris Brown and lump them together
because that's probably...
She probably had a vision of the future,
and that's probably what gave her the stroke.
They should probably...
Somebody smart online should do, like,
a remix of Ashley crying into the Blackberry.
With, like, mash that up with, like, a great Chris Brown hit.
Oh, no.
No, we need to wait for Ashley
to get healthy so we can make fun of her again.
I mean, seriously, disease,
get the fuck out of our way.
We're trying to do a show here. It would be really nice to be able to rag on her
and say she got a stroke because she
probably saw a couch on someone's porch,
but we can't do that because she had a stroke.
So thanks a lot, stroke. Thanks a lot for ruining my afternoon.
You just said it, so
it's out there.
But in all seriousness...
There was an if there.
There was a woulda, shoulda,
possibly coulda, had she
not had a stroke. But I wouldn't say that now.
Well, I would say, in all seriousness,
I mean, you know, we make fun of
her for a lot of her awful behavior
on TV, but I don't think we want her
to actually suffer another stroke. So I get, you know,
get better at it. No, if she has a stroke, she won't be back on TV for but I don't think we want her to actually suffer another stroke. So, you know, get better, Ashley.
No, if she has a stroke, she won't be back on TV for us to make
fun of for another season, and that's just unacceptable.
Get out of our way, stroke.
Shut up, stroke.
Yes. I think this is really funny
that you guys actually think that Princesses
is coming back for a second season,
so...
Well, I mean, the drink hankies are not going to sell themselves.
Well, I think that in addition to sending Ashley your prayers and well wishes,
you might want to send some to the gods at Bravo to hopefully get this show back on the air
because I don't know that it's necessarily being greenlit again.
I'm going to throw some bread in the water.
I'm going to console dads.
What a waste of cards.
We've got to come back for another season.
What a waste of cards. Welcome back to another season. What a waste of cards.
Who else is going to throw bread in the water
and cover dildos and drink hankies?
Guys, come on.
Come on.
That's okay.
I'm going to come back for a second season.
Great, Mac.
All right.
There's like five goats outside my building.
What other gossip is there?
Oh, Ashley, another Ashley,
is trying to give us a stroke.
Ashley from Real Housewives of New Jersey
tweeted a naked picture of herself.
Thanks, Ashley.
It's probably what did it.
I don't want to look at that.
I'm surprised this...
I looked at it,
and it's just a little boob cleavage.
It's nothing like that big.
She's wearing panties,
and she's just covering her areolas.
Who hasn't done that?
True.
True, true.
Actually, I think the big gossip aside from this Ashley thing,
the stuff that we're seeing the most on our Facebook page is,
as predicted last week,
we're now getting all the dirt about Ryan Culberson,
Brianna's husband, and it's all falling,
the bottom's falling out for him.
So basically his ex, he was married to a woman, and while he was married to a woman, he apparently
had a girlfriend who filed domestic violence charges and a restraining order against him.
This is before Brianna.
So did you guys know any of this?
I didn't know his past at all until I started reading this on our Facebook page.
So thank you guys for posting that.
I clearly should be doing more homework in all of my spare time.
But the crazy thing is this just proves that the history of picking bad dudes runs in the family.
I mean Brianna has been so rude to Vicky this season about Vicky's choice of boyfriends.
And look at who the hell she's actually married to.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, this guy is a lunatic.
And so he claims in these interviews, well, you know, the show, they didn't show the full story.
You know, there was a lot more to it than that.
I don't care what the full story is necessarily because I don't understand where, as a Marine,
you can just say these things to a woman and someone who's older.
I think he says, or some people say,
well, it's a double standard because the housewives
yell and say all sorts of awful things, and then
he says something that's not allowed. You're like,
yeah, that's right, because you know what? You can't be part of
an organization that
advertises itself as
saying it's a higher
standard.
It's not like he was saying something
mean about somebody or got into a little
petty fight with somebody about something.
He's calling an older lady
a fucking bitch and
about to hit her in her face.
There's kind of a difference between what the housewives
do and what that prick does.
That guy needs to just... I hope that he gets
a Jennifer Lopez on his ass and just
gets his ass kicked. I hope that's an episode
next year. I hope so.
He's going to wind up kicking Brianna's ass
and probably Vicky's too.
He married a Mack truck.
He's not kicking that ass.
She'll bring this ass down. Brianna's not going to
just sit there and get beat. Brianna's like
Oprah in the color purple. You're not
going to beat her.
Harpo will try to smack her. He'll is like Oprah in The Color Purple. It's like, you're not going to beat her. Harpo will try to smack her and
he'll be laid out in the cornfield.
I can't wait until Oprah gets nominated
for an Oscar for The Butler
so we can see her smack all those bitches
down at the Academy Awards.
She's going to fight Meryl Streep. I just know it's going to
happen. I hope so.
Especially with Meryl, she puts her feet up on her couch.
She's like, no, it's not allowed.
Especially
if she has a glass of red wine.
Especially if Meryl Streep prevents Oprah from
trying to buy a handbag.
Oh, yeah, don't do that.
That's like the second time that's happened to poor
Oprah. What the hell?
It happened a couple of years ago, too. She was
shopping and they wouldn't let her in the store.
She's only a god in the United States.
In Europe, they don't give a fuck about her.
Well, you know what?
Here's the thing.
This thing in Switzerland, okay, that was definitely racism going awry there.
Well, racism is always going awry.
But it's definitely a situation where it's like, oh, you can't afford that.
But the first one in Paris, the Hermes store was closed,
and Oprah showed up 15 minutes after it closed and she demanded
to be let in to buy a bag.
Admittedly, it's poor business
to not let Oprah into your store or let anyone
who wants to buy an Hermes bag into your store.
But Oprah, the store is closed.
I'm sorry. You can't make a big international
hullabaloo about it and make the
owner, make the president of Hermes
come onto your couch and
apologize and all that stuff,
because you showed up late.
I'm sorry.
Oh, God, remember those days?
Now you don't have to show up on Oprah's couch for anything,
unless you're totally desperate like Lindsay.
Yeah.
Sorry, Oprah.
Sorry.
Bye.
Okay, so now we've gone off topic already.
I have three other things that I would like to discuss
from the Facebook page.
Yes.
First of all, let's talk about
that photo that Caroline Manzo
tweeted earlier this week on a red
carpet and Ashley was there and
girl has a new nose.
No doubt. Oh, new cafe-ce.
New cafe-ce. I think that
maybe she was, you know, digging for
too much egg salad, you know, with her hands
tied behind her back, you know, like, diving, you know, bobbing for apples.
She's bobbing for egg salad.
Something must have happened in the nosular area, the nasal area.
Yeah, she was going straight for the egg salad, but there was one of those sneeze guards over the salad bar in one of the Vegas places.
She just like pecks at it.
When she's at the deli counter, she just pecks at it.
I love in the previews for next week of Jersey,
it's Vito like, how dare you
say no to me? And she's like, whatever,
I don't care now. I've lost
weight, so now I don't care. Like, honey,
don't you guys realize
that that's the point of losing weight, so
you can be rude to the people that you really don't want around
you, so you can move on to better people?
It's his own dumb fault.
I hope that you don't learn the lesson
that that weight doesn't necessarily
stay gone. That bitch is going to be
fat again in two seconds. Not saying you are.
Not pointing at you.
But Lauren, girl,
come on. How long can you resist
egg salad on a nice
everything bagel?
Her daddy will buy her another round of
gastric bypass, I'm sure. I mean, that's how it works
in that family.
If there's a problem, Albie Senior cuts a check.
There may be such a thing as a gastric bypass,
but there ain't no such thing as an egg salad bypass, okay?
Okay.
I love that you gave me some swerve on that.
I did.
You ain't shrinking my egg salad, okay?
You can put as many lap bands as you want around us, but that egg salad's still
going in.
Okay,
but back to the point, she got a nose job.
Yeah.
It actually looked pretty good, I thought.
I don't know. I have to say, you know,
if you're going to get the work done, make sure at least have it be good.
And she did a good job, as opposed to Ashley,
whose face looks like it's a cool toy.
Would you guys date somebody
that you know has had
elective
plastic surgery on their face?
I have a hard time.
Oh, really?
Why? I don't like
male plastic surgery.
Let me try to do my male plastic surgery face.
We're talking about male plastic surgery, right? Not female.
Yeah, male. Male is different, because I think we're so about male plastic surgery first. We're talking about male plastic surgery, right? Not female. Yeah, male.
Male is different because I think we're so used to it on females.
Wait, hold on.
Ben, make a noise.
Yeah, that is kind of male plastic surgery.
Males, I'm just not used to it on males.
Whenever I see them at Starbucks, it just kind of creeps me out.
Like, women, you're used to it.
You don't even notice half the time.
I was going to say, Ron, you live in West Hollywood, and you're not used to it?
It's just, no, I'm still not used to it.
It never looks right.
It looks creepy.
I don't know.
I'm from that whole double standard.
You know, I grew up with that double standard of, like, men look better as they age, and women don't.
You know, like, women are always complaining, like, well, how come men can get away with it?
Like, that's always been in my mind.
So I'm like, oh, I'm getting older.
So it's like I'm older and fatter.
It's better.
Someone just posted a picture of me on Facebook today from when I'm like 20.
I'm all skinny, have hair.
I was horrified, and it made me want to get plastic surgery.
But then I was like, wait a second.
I don't want you to ever have hair.
I can't imagine you with hair.
I don't like that.
Yeah, I was like all skinny with hair.
And then I was like, no, I look better because I'm older and fatter, right?
Right, Mom? Right?
I think also that the science of male plastic surgery
has not been perfected.
Like, not that the female plastic surgery has been,
but I feel like there are probably more cases of female plastic surgery.
And so there are some, like, better uses for it.
Not better uses, but there's better practices. And I feel like the male plastic surgery, and so there are some better uses for it. Not better uses, but there's better practices. And I feel like
the male plastic surgery you see
tends to be pretty intense and severe.
It's like a... And it just looks...
It looks
like Rob Lowe from Behind the Candelabra.
It just never properly settles.
Yes, it does look like that.
And also, women have had to spend their whole
life worrying about vanity.
Women have to shave their legs and their armpits.
They have to do their hair.
They've got to do their makeup.
They've always had to go through all this shit.
Wait, excuse me.
Men don't.
Gay men do.
I don't.
I shave once a week.
I mean, I shower, but I barely even iron my clothes before I go out.
I don't have to do makeup and hair and all that.
I mean, look at me.
Is this going to shock you as an only child?
I've never ironed in my entire life.
I have no idea how to do it.
That is shocking and sad.
I was going to make an Ashley joke,
but I feel like she's off limits.
Well, you might feel guilty about it,
but I don't think she's off limits.
I've never ironed.
So what do you do?
Go to the dry cleaner
or fluff and fold and make them do my laundry.
Wow.
Wow, Matt.
We may have to give you a tutorial.
I say if you don't have to learn it, don't learn it.
I mean, that's ridiculous.
Yeah.
I didn't have to learn it until I got out on my own.
No, what you need, Matt, you need to find a good man who's going to do it for you.
Romana did me just fine as a child, yeah.
But as an adult, no.
Unfortunately, this is not a border town.
People won't just do your
laundry for $10 a day. That's going to be the title
of your debut record.
Unfortunately, this is not a border town.
I'm sorry, but that will be
like, that's a billboard
hit right there. I have to say, I miss El Paso,
Texas. I loved it there.
There's this show called The Bridge about a serial killer
on the border, and it takes place in El
Paso, and they make
it look even more dumpy and ghetto than it really
is, and I miss it. I miss that dumpy
ghetto. I love you, El Paso!
And I love you, $10 mains.
I miss talking about Bravo.
I was going to say I miss old El Paso.
Yay, salsa!
Get a rope.
I was going to talk... Oh, get a rope. I was going to... I'll old El Paso. Yay, salsa! Get a rope. I was going to talk...
Get a rope.
I was going to...
I'll rope us back into talking about Bravo.
So the two other items on my list are
Adrienne Maloof, apparently,
former cast member of Real Housewife of Beverly Hills,
is opening up a restaurant down the block
from Lisa Vanderpump's Villa Blanca,
and she thinks that she's going to take Lisa's business. What do we
think?
That was announced right before the
reunion when she was fighting and trying to gang up
on Lisa, and it failed then. She's spending
all this money on a stupid fight that no one
cares about. Hoof rhymes
with Maloof. Get over yourself.
No one's calling you a horse, even though you have a
horse face. Shut up, Adrian Maloof. Stop
spending all your money trying to fight with somebody.
Use your brain.
If you can't fight with words, don't fucking fight with terrible restaurants.
We've got enough of them in this city.
You should fight, when in doubt, fight with the tinsel in your hair.
That will always win.
I would never eat there because I would be afraid, first of all,
for all the tanner that's fallen into my food, let alone the tinsel.
The tinsel and tanner.
You're assuming that Adrian herself would be food, let alone the chisel, the chisel tanner. You're assuming that
Adrienne herself would be cooking,
and we saw her pouring soap
into the chicken breast, but we know
that Chef Bernie would be the mastermind
in that kitchen.
Because Lisa said so, and that's
what started their whole fight in the first place,
was Bernie can't cook, right?
Yeah, and I don't think that Bernie can cook either.
I'm not rooting for Adrian Maloof here,
but I will say I have been to Villa Blanca,
and it's kind of disgusting and tacky and dirty.
I went to Villa Blanca, and, you know, it is tacky.
It's just, like, overly overdone whiteness.
When you make everything white like that,
it's bound to show stains immediately.
I know.
And it looks stained.
It looks well-worn.
I'll put it that way.
It looks like Adrian Malouf has been there
about five times over.
Just smeared. Skid marks everywhere.
That's the name of her restaurant.
That's the name of Adrian's restaurant. Skid marks everywhere?
Just skid.
Skid.
Skid. Okay, so
what else? What other gossip?
And then rumor has it that this season
they're filming New York right now,
Real Housewives of New York,
and they're saying that Ramona and the Countess
have patched things up,
and that they're moving forward as pals.
I do not like this.
As everybody knows, I am super team Countess,
and I hate Ramona,
and I do not want them playing nice.
You know what happened in 1994, I believe?
I believe that, believe that Yasser...
The sign came out, and it was amazing.
And aside from that, I believe that
Yasser Arafat shook hands with
Yitzhak Rabin or something like that.
Yasser Arafat, ace of base.
So let me finish this.
There was peace in the Middle East.
Know your audience, Ben.
There was peace in the Middle East, and everyone was happy.
And you know what happened? It all fell to
shit, okay? So Ramona and Luann
being friends, I give this all
about five minutes to last.
Well, Luann and Ramona have to become
friends again, because they're the only two OGs.
The rest of them are these new chicks
who are already probably trying to kick them out of
filming. Ramona's annoying as hell
to be around. Everyone hates
her. They're probably trying to get rid of her, like trying not
to film with her. And you know no one wants to
shoot with Luann either because she was starting
all this stupid bullshit last year that no one cared about.
So I think that they're probably
bonding against the new girls, you know?
But if you hang out with Luann, at least you have a
chance of showing or ending
up, you know, almost dead in the bushes.
I mean, that sounds like a fun night, right?
You could be an extra
in a Pechanga Casino video.
Or, I know
with Luan, maybe one of your designer
friends might get a big plug in
Life and Style magazine, page 45.
That's true.
I was doing her a favor, darling.
I think Luan
and Ramona, I want them to fight because
they have the most epic wonderful brawls
and they're so uncomfortable
because the things that Ramona says
are so nasty but the way
the way the Countess
will then take these passive aggressive remarks
and hurl them back
gets me all hot and bothered
I was just so upset because at the beginning
before they started filming this season
the rumor was that Countess was going
to be downgraded, which threw my life
into a tailspin. I don't know
what that really says about my life, but
anyway, I was really freaking out
about that, but I'm glad to hear that Luanne is fully
immersed, and I'll
take her however I can get her, even if that means
she is, you know, patching
things up with her emotional.
You know what I think about all that?
I don't care.
I'm still not over last season yet.
These seasons have gotten so long
that by the time they're done,
I feel beat up,
I feel sad and depressed,
and I need the recovery time.
I don't want to hear about those bitches
until they're back.
That's the way I feel at the end of every podcast.
Let's add another show every week.
Yeah. All right. So what else? What's next? podcasts. Let's have another show every week.
Alright.
So what else? What's next? Where are we starting, kids?
We've got to start on Orange County, I believe.
Do these ladies bring a
reunion or what? They know how to
bring it. It was fantastic. It was that perfect balance
of being petty,
shrill, and angry without being
too bitter and mean
like the New York reunion sometimes.
So it was like, wonderful.
What are you talking about?
It got mean fast.
But like fun mean, you know?
Fun mean, not like bitter.
Like mean, fun mean.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
It was very Matt Whitfield-y.
Okay, great.
I think they've really perfected that whole art
of just denying everything
and lying over and over again, even when they're caught in their lies on TV.
That was the entire thing.
Everybody just lying about everything and getting totally caught
but still lying about it, especially Vicky.
I mean, Gretchen and Vicky probably tied in this first part
for lying the most, getting caught in their lie,
and then sticking to their lie even though they just got caught lying.
Vicky, though, emerged
out of the hour as a winner
because she went up against Laurie
and Laurie was the worst
liar of them all.
So, Vicky looked alright.
I beg to differ.
I beg to differ. The only good thing
that came out of Vicky
being on this reunion is that
her plastic surgery has finally settled a little
bit. She did not look terrible.
I'm going to give her that.
Oh, I thought her face looked good. In fact, I think that's the buzz
on our Facebook page is that her face looked pretty good.
Oh my god. She couldn't even...
She was like this the whole time. It's like her eyes
open and separate. She's like, now you listen
here, Lori. It's like, can you just
keep them both open at the same time? I can't even look
at you. No, it was an improvement. Having one eye closed
was an improvement for Vicky. I liked it.
And also, Blanche from the Golden Girls wore that
color like five out of ten episodes.
Oh, snap.
That's old lady
peach. She needs to stop with that.
Shut up, Vicky. She is an old lady.
Well, listen.
I mean,
where do we even start? I have to tell you, the argument
out of all the arguments that we saw
Please, please, please, please, please, please.
The one that
I know it's going to be your favorite one, Matt. The one that got
me riled up the most and had the most
I wrote the most notes about was Heather versus Lydia.
Lydia, who
I thought was kind of random
and dumb all season, but cute and hilarious at the same time,
did what I have been begging on this podcast
and pleading for for the past six weeks,
where I kept saying,
I'm just praying that when we get to the reunion,
somebody puts Heather in her place,
and Lydia came through for me.
I don't even care what happens in the next two hours.
She put Heather on blast and made Heather look like an asshole,
more of an asshole than Heather already is.
Exactly. And she didn't even do it
in a mean or aggressive way.
She just sort of, like, plainly
put Heather in her place. And Heather tried
to put Lydia in her place, but
Heather just comes off as, like, an
awful woman. Like, you know what?
Heather is the sort of woman that makes
chauvinist pigs call her the
C-word. Like, I'm sorry. Like, when chauvinist pigs call her the C word. Like, I'm sorry.
When chauvinist pigs refer to C words, she's the one.
She's the one that makes it bad for all the other women.
They're going to make a sequel to the movie She's the One starring Heather,
but it's called She's the One, the Big C.
Heather's that girl when you're catering that, like, hires you,
and she's like, hi, how are you?
And you're like, I'm okay.
And she's like, why was the staff talking to me?
Yeah.
She is.
She's just a horrible, horrible, snotty human being who's never done anything to earn any of her money at all.
And she pops out babies for a rich guy and thinks that gives her a right to treat everybody else like crap.
Shut up, Heather.
Can we break?
Yeah, go ahead.
I'm ready to break it down.
I wrote all these nice notes about it.
Okay, then I'll let you start.
Okay.
So Heather's first moment of awfulness happened when Lydia was talking about clarifying her relationship with Alexis.
Because there was this whole thing about, well, were Alexis and Lydia really good friends or were they not
good friends? And Alexis thought, Alexis
was offended because she thought she and Lydia were really good
friends and that Lydia had that downplayed difference.
No, she's offended because Lydia didn't go to that
dinner and start standing up for Alexis against
all of these girls when she was just
cast and they met each other two times.
Excuse me. Well, wait. I was going to say
I actually kind of understand where
Alexis is overly sensitive. We get this. I was going to say I actually kind of understand where Alexis is overly sensitive.
We get this.
But, you know, I understand where she was coming from.
My problem is it's none of Heather's fucking business.
Yeah, so that's what happens.
So what happens is Alexis says, we've actually gone to dinner.
We've gone to dinner and stuff like this.
And Heather turns to the lady and says, you didn't tell me that.
Like, who the fuck cares, Heather?
Like, was this like some conspiracy?
Like, who the fuck cares, Heather?
Like, was this, like, some conspiracy?
Like, Heather has to be, like, kept on, like, the top level of, like, security access of Lydia and Alexis' relationship?
Absolutely not.
Yeah, and not only that, but she did tell her.
We saw the clip of her telling her.
And then during that clip, not during the clip, but during that episode, as far as I can remember,
Heather was saying things like, well, I think you should know that if you're coming into a group of girls,
this is how we feel about her,
and you need to know that before you come into this group.
It's like, really?
What do they call it? Large Marge in the prison who rapes girls for their cigarettes?
That's her.
Sidebar, Ben, did you just say absolutely not
and not say it the proper way?
Absolutely not! Absolutely
not!
Quad is in the house, ladies and gentlemen.
So then, we then sort of
like floated into cover
gate, which is when
Lydia did not have Heather on
the cover of her magazine. So Heather's
still really mad, but she
says that what really pissed her off
was not that she wasn't selected to be on the cover, but that Lydia and Lydia's husband, Doug, then laughed at
them for asking to be on the cover. And it's like, when they showed the clip, it's like, they weren't
laughing at you, like, ha ha ha, how silly of her to ask about it. They were laughing because it's
probably like, of course, like, you know, like, of course, everyone wants to be on the cover,
like, and you know, like, how annoying that we don't have to deal with this. That's what that laugh read to me like.
But of course Heather takes it as a directed insult to her.
What did you guys think about that?
I hate Heather. That's all I have to say.
I absolutely hate her guts. I think Heather sucks.
And then my favorite part was when Andy Cohen was like,
well, you did put Lisa Vanderpump on the cover.
And then Lydia goes on to say, well, she's a bigger, more famous star. Yeah.
Not only that, she said, look at their
IMDB pages. She rates
higher. She's got a higher rate. And then Heather's like,
and that was rude. Heather's like,
little rude comments like that. It wasn't rude.
It was like a real thing. Like, I'm sorry, Heather.
You are not as famous as Lisa
Vanderpump. Like, Lisa Vanderpump
at the very least has been on more
seasons of Real Housewives.
She has her own spin-off show. She's well
regarded. People like her.
You know, I'm sorry, Heather, you got nothing.
That's the big difference, Ben. It doesn't matter
what TV shows you've been on. It doesn't matter
what the ratings for Hot in
Cleveland were versus the ratings for Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills. People like Lisa
Vanderpump, and nobody likes Heather
Dubrow. The end.
Also, with that whole thing, in the magazine,
Lydia did end up putting them in the magazine
and giving them a 10-page spread, which
I thought they would only do if they got the cover, A,
so they're blue, that whole stupid story,
and B, Heather gets all pissed off
because Lydia gave herself a bigger spread
with two more pages, and Heather's response
was, yeah, but it wasn't the cover. Booyah!
Yeah. Well, you know, the other thing
is, actually, what Lydia should just say is, you know,
the magazine's called Beverly Hills Magazine,
Beverly Hills Lifestyle, and Lisa Vanderpump
lives in Beverly Hills, and she's part of, like,
Beverly Hills. That's all she actually really needed
to say. But what I really, here's what I
really appreciated, or I enjoyed,
was that, so, Heather's trying to then
bust Lydia, say, well, you know what?
You got ten pages, and I just,
I think it's funny. I think we should, like,
I think we should just laugh at it. I don't see why you,
Lydia, can't laugh at the
ridiculousness of the situation
that you got ten pages, you know,
when Marilyn Monroe only got eight pages.
Like, why can't you just laugh at that?
Okay? And then, later on,
Says the woman who has never
laughed in her life
yeah exactly then when lydia makes a joke heather is like well that wasn't funny that wasn't funny
that wasn't funny well whatever happened to the woman who was saying you can't just like laugh at
that why can't you just laugh at the absurdity see i'm glad that you guys finally realized that
heather is just as much of a hypocrite as vicky gunvalson because she is and she's actually
the worst ever yeah, she's not worse
than Vicky because Heather actually doesn't do
anything. Vicky's worse
because she actually has a life outside
of being a frigid bitch at home.
And so her hypocrite
her hypocritical
ality, her hypocriticalness
is way more entertaining.
Yeah, hypocrisy. Thank you.
It's because we're talking about this.
Animosity? How do you say that word?
Animosity?
Animosity?
There are a lot of discrepancies, guys. I'm sorry.
But Vicky's is at least more entertaining
because she has a life.
It's like, she probably did bone all the disciples.
Like, you know,
and why is everything 12?
Why is everybody having sex with 12 guys?
Like, that's a trendy number right now.
That's as high as it can count.
That's an incredible meeting making out with 12 guys on New Year's as friends.
What's the number 12?
It's probably what every list on, like, BuzzFeed is right now, the 12 blanks.
I know, exactly.
The 12 donkey cocks that Vicky ingested during the album.
So anyway, the Heather and Lydia
argument then goes into this situation, this blog
situation, where I
guess at this Mexico bachelorette party
the day after the strippers came in
Lydia made a joke like, hey everyone, are we still
classy this morning? Which to me
is like a totally fine
little joke. It's like nothing. It's like it wouldn't even
stick in my brain. It's like a joke like
we were all like ladies. It's so purely. It wouldn't even stick in my brain. It's like a joke. We were all ladies. It's so
purely and obviously a joke, right?
Right, but Heather got so offended by that
and here's the real deal. You can't just laugh at that?
You can't just laugh at that?
Go on. Dear Heather, you decided
to go on The Real Housewives of Orange
County. At that point,
your classy level plummeted.
So now that you're being seen in a room with
strippers on reality TV,
why are you really concerned
what any of us think? You've already put your
entire life out there for all of us to see,
so guess what? Shut the
fuck up. You know, at its core,
Heather is extremely insecure.
So when Lydia makes a joke about, like, are we still
classy, Heather takes it extremely
personally because she thinks it's
an attack based on her, and she thinks that
because she's incredibly insecure.
Same thing about this cover when she thinks that they're laughing
at her, and she claims
it's because she's
insignificant. It's like, no, it's not
about that. Shut down your
inflated sense of self-worth
and just be realistic for a moment
and take some of your own medicine and
laugh at the things that deserve to be laughed at.
Well, also, it's just so ridiculous
that she would request the cover in the first place.
Like, how fucking rude.
Like, I asked you to be nice
if you would want to show your house off in my magazine
and get some publicity,
and then you have the nerve to say not unless it's the cover?
Get the fuck out of here.
I actually think that's why Lydia and her husband were laughing
because they thought, like, how...
It was bizarre that somebody who
doesn't know them would immediately make that request, which,
by the way, is laughable.
Yeah.
There were a few other amazing barbs,
though, that were thrown between the two. I mean,
when Heather was like,
would you like me to pop a vein?
I thought that was a good line. That was a good line.
Lydia trumped her, though, by going, like,
okay, princess. Yeah, that was great good line. That was a good line. Lydia trumped her, though, by going, like, okay, princess.
Yeah, that was great, too.
Well, because stupid Heather, she doesn't just say I'm sorry.
She goes, oh, well, then I guess I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Fine, I'm sorry.
But it's not like a real sorry.
So she's like, I said I'm sorry.
And she's like, and Lydia, I love that Lydia just doesn't take it.
She just shrugs.
Yeah, it's obvious she's not't take it. She just shrugs. It's obviously not sorry.
But Andy trying to stir the pot with that was hilarious.
He just kept trying to back Lydia into a corner
and she wasn't going to have that.
You know, I normally don't like to go with the people that Andy Cohen
backs, but if he's backing Lydia, which he clearly
is, I'm on board.
Well, it was also hilarious watching
Vicky and Tamara look like proud grandmothers
as they watched Lydia fight Heather. That was
hysterical. They kept cutting to them
and they're like...
Tear.
Single tear falling down. They were all proud of her.
Single happy tear. Yeah, single grandma
tear. Okay, single grandma tear.
Okay, so let's start with the first fight, which was
everyone's meaning to Gretchen.
Okay, I love this,
because this all went back again
to Gretchen's affair that
she had on the old man when he was dying
of cancer in the hospital. In season
four. It's like, we're back. We're back
to this bullshit again.
It's vintage. It's totally... But the reason that we're back to this bullshit again. It's vintage. It's totally... But the reason
that we're back to it is because Tamara
is so evil. She makes
friends with somebody and then says the meanest
things. So during that OC100
episode, Tamara's on
camera like, well, you know,
Gretchen had a problem because we all saw her
around town doing things that she was denying.
It's like, why do you need to bring that up?
You know? Yep. So, of course need to bring that up? No. Yep.
So, of course, Andy brings that up,
and Gretchen starts her whole
how she didn't cheat. But then
we get to, well, I mean,
I never said I didn't kiss him. I did kiss him,
but it was on New Year's, and I kissed 12 other
guys. Who cares? I said it on everyone's butt.
They just passed me around. Why are you guys calling
me a whore? It's like, that's because you're
a whore. Because you are. I mean, you're being passed around on New Year's in a bikini by 12 you guys calling me a whore? It's like, that's because you're... Because you are.
You're being passed around on New Year's in a bikini by 12 guys.
You're a whore.
But they turned that into a 20-minute segment.
I have to say, you know, like, this season I'm really hitting on Gretchen,
but I actually maintain the same party line that I had many years ago
in this debacle,
first service, which is that I think,
A, it's none of Tamara's business,
and she should shut up about it.
B,
Tamara probably does not know the full
story, and I actually have always believed
Gretchen when she said, there's this guy,
I've had to get restraining orders
against him, he's stalking me.
If this guy calls up Tamara and says,
I love this Gretchen, this is the full story,
don't you have to question this guy?
Why would he,
what sort of mental state is he in that he has to call this random woman he doesn't even know
to tell all this information to you?
And why do you believe it on face value?
That's, I think, what's so annoying about this.
Oh my god, Tamara showed up with all these pictures
printed off of her computer printer at home
with her bailiff, Alexis,
whipping them out from behind the couch
and getting them all organized for her.
We never even saw the pictures.
Why weren't they showing
them? Because they would show them flipping through them
but the camera would never point to them.
I think they knew that no one really
cared because there probably was
not enough information on there
to truly...
They'd have to get permission from the guy who's got
a restraining order against...
or who has a restraining order against him, too.
They can't just show his picture
after her making out with some guy.
My favorite was Vicky's...
her line of logic was her to go,
Jeff is dead!
He's dead!
He's dead!
Just say he's dead!
I was like, that's really bad.
And I like when Vicky was also then complaining about Gretchen saying was like, that's really funny. And I like
when Vicky was also then complaining about
Gretchen saying, like, she's making Tamronite!
She makes us look like we're idiots!
I'm like, listen, no offense, Gretchen's
not the one making you look like an idiot. Right.
You started that a long time ago by
yourself, yeah. I know. You didn't need any help.
And if anybody looked like an idiot, it was
Gretchen for wearing that fucking crazy ass
like, I don't even know where you would buy
such a garment.
I don't even know what it was.
It was like she walked through
a piece of fabric in a windstorm and it wrapped
around her. She's like, okay.
Yeah, she was like one of the hookers in Best
Little Whorehouse in Texas about to kill herself.
Is that a movie from the
70s? Spoiler alert.
Matt,
I just can't, I can't give you
gay college every show. You're going to eventually
have to do something other than sucking
a wiener to call yourself a gay.
Watch some musicals.
Wow. That was my stand.
I just took it. I just took it!
Wow. I think that you
should start a Tumblr called Gay College
because I would be your first subscriber.
I also love the whole... Vicky was hilarious in this one, because she just lied about everything.
So, Vicky, are you and Don divorced yet?
Well, yeah. Well, no.
Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, no, no, yeah.
She can't fully get rid of Don
because they enjoy swinging
together too much there are too many swingers
clubs that they have yet to attend as a
couple so they cannot break up
she's just such a liar
and then what was the other thing
Vicky
she doesn't hate anyone
look I don't hate Alexis
I wish only the best for Alexis.
And Alexis is like,
I don't hate Alexis.
She's like, well, you know,
I mean, of course,
you're a business.
You're a business.
Oh, you mean Gretchen.
You mean Gretchen.
What did I say?
Alexis.
Oh, God, they're all the same.
Tip it.
George County.
I feel like Nini.
Like, I can't watch that one.
They all look the same.
That's kind of how I feel.
That's kind of how I feel whenever I go to the Abbey.
I just like when
Viggy was like, I never use
that word. I never.
Which gets really placid. And how amazing was that?
I never.
What was the word in question?
It was the C word, because Gretchen's like,
what do you mean you don't wish me harm?
You're always calling me the C word in text.
I think that it was actually the other...
I got the impression that it was the other C word,
not the short one, but the longer one.
What's that?
What's longer than that?
Cock sucker?
Counter-califragilistic expeditum.
I don't know.
I actually thought it was sea sucker
what?
what's wrong with talking about sea sucker suits?
not sea sucker
anyway but the point is
since when have you been embarrassed to say cocksucker?
because I've been the one who said
the word fuck on this video cast
like five times already and nobody else has cursed
so I didn't want to say another word
well we like to stay classy I didn't want to say another word.
Well, we like to stay classy,
Heather Dubrow.
I don't pretend that I'm classy. I talk like a sailor. But anyway, so
Gretchen calls Vicky out for this,
but my favorite part
was when
Tamara was like, Vicky,
can you just admit it? I have the text right
here. Yeah, I know.
Vicky's like, I don. Just admit that you say horrible words
and that you hate Gretchen. Just admit it.
I don't.
She made me. Maybe Tamara made me
say it.
Vicky was clearly intoxicated, wasn't she?
I'm convinced.
She's had a little bit too much
of Vicky's vodka. Too much bacon vodka.
She's had too many bloody piggies.
Well, I totally agreed with Gretchen
that it's okay when Tamara and Vicky go off saying all this stuff,
but then they jump all over Gretchen for doing it.
I think that that's so true.
The thing is, Gretchen, it's like you're with Slade.
I think that if you weren't with Slade,
you'd have a leg to stand on.
But right now, no one can respect you.
You're with a misogynist
asshole who's living off of your money
and not paying for his kid. Like, sorry, that's
just how it is. Get a better boyfriend.
And nothing rubs Vicky
the wrong way more than something
like that. So if Gretchen ever wants to be in
Vicky's good graces, which again, she doesn't need
to be, but that's the only way to get back
into Vicky's world is to get rid of Slade.
And I love that Vicky's like, I'm so
happy for everyone. I mean, I'm happy for her
that she's got somebody.
You know, I mean, so it makes me mad.
And I hate her and I want her dead, but I'm, you know,
at the end of the day, I'm happy for her.
It's like, you're not happy for her.
You're a horrible, jealous witch.
Vicky and Gretchen
had an amazing
spat moment when they just at one, just screamed at each other.
They made these noises.
Vicky said something, and Gretchen said something like,
I'm not going to admit to something I've never done!
And so I actually put that on Vine.
I'll show it to you.
In case you're not following me on Vine,
he's on a blog,
here's what you're missing.
I'm not going to admit to something. Here's what you're missing.
Can you see it?
Is it showing up? Yes, keep playing it.
Can you hear it too? Yes.
Okay, make it stop now. Make it stop.
Make it stop.
To me, I said this is
every single episode
of the Real Housewives
in the history
of this
press stop
stop it
it sounds like a kennel
oh god
Ben stop
wait wait
guys guys guys
guys guys
it's transfixing Ah! Wait, wait, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
It's transfixing.
Whoa, I'm crying.
All right.
Actually, Vine, it actually stopped itself.
Vine was like, I can do this no more.
Maximum amount of points.
It was great.
It was a great moment for me and for social media.
Well, Ben, earlier in this podcast,
you alluded to being Team Vicky in the fight that she had with Laurie Peterson.
And if I could, I would reach across this podcast
and slap your face,
because why would you ever be anything other than Team Laurie wearing Peterson?
Because Laurie,
the crack grandma,
as in she's the grandmother to a crack baby, sorry.
Wait, wait, wait. Pause.
We can't talk about Ashley having a stroke,
but we can talk about a crack baby
to clarify.
Because that was, yeah, of course.
Okay.
Weren't the stories that Laurie just dropped off that crack baby
at the hospital somewhere and left it?
Yeah, she probably, like, took back a bundle of money and said, like, this will be my baby now.
A bundle of money will be my baby.
Listen, Laurie, here's the thing, okay?
A bundle of money will be my baby, and my crib will be the St. Regis.
Yeah.
She's like, I'll trade you for just a sack of gauze.
St. Regis.
She's like, I'll trade you for just a sack of gauze.
Given that all these women
fudge the truth, etc.,
it's hard to know where the truth
is. It's probably nowhere near this reunion.
The truth
is this.
I actually believe Vicky's explanation
about this crazy letter that she got.
I believe that Vicky
handled it wrong and incorrectly.
And I also believe it was years ago,
and Lori should have gotten over it.
And the truth is that Lori did come on
to besmirch Vicky's good name,
to besmirch Vicky's Caliente sign in her kitchen.
And I'm sorry.
Like, I believe Lori was more malicious in her intent
than Vicky was.
There's no denying that Lori was malicious and she
took a paycheck to come onto the show
to fight with Vicky. But she wouldn't admit it.
She would not admit it. And I feel like Vicky
showed more accountability. Ben!
You just spent the past 10 minutes
complaining about how Vicky doesn't
ever, you know, stand
up to, you know, actually what she does
and admit to things. Why should Lori Peterson?
Well, but I'm saying
Laurie Peterson doesn't have to
if she doesn't want to, but if Vicky's
going to and Laurie's not going to,
I'm going to say that Vicky is, to me,
I'm going to side with Vicky on that argument.
It's as simple as that. If I sense
that someone is taking accountability and someone is not,
then I'm going to look at the person who's
taking the least amount of accountability and be like,
Vicky doesn't take any accountability either.
Vicky's like, oh, well, you know, I didn't know what to do with this information,
so I talked to Gina about it.
Oh, really?
You don't know what you're doing when you go to Gina with it?
Come on now.
But at least she said, you know what?
I handled it wrong.
I'm sorry.
But that was also seven years ago, and she has a point, okay?
Lori, meanwhile, is like, I just came on here, you know?
Like, I came on here, and that's what I did. If Vicky had said,
if Vicky had said, look, I got
some hot gossip from your ex-mother-in-law,
and instead of telling you, I ran to
the girls and told everybody about it, and
that was wrong. But that's not what she
said. She's like, well, I don't know. I just
didn't know what to do with that. I needed someone to talk to,
so I talked to, it's like, she's decent. But I believe that.
I believe that she would have done that. I believe that
she would have gone to Gina and been like,
oh my God,
because I mean,
I mean,
No,
she would have said,
if that happened between us
and you didn't call me
and say,
Ronnie,
some,
the mom of your ex-boyfriend
is like,
I mean,
I don't even know who that would be.
This is getting really hard to imagine,
but if that happened
and you went,
you went to like Matt
and spread it around in an email,
I would fucking murder you
that you wouldn't call me.
Well, Ronnie, I'm sorry, but you pushed me to it, so
I have a letter here that was
written by your mother, and she has
the following to say. My son
is disowned. He is an awful person
and he has a tail. The end.
So, fine. Well, thank you.
Thank you. Thank you for
telling me about it and not spreading it around in an
email forward. If you did forward that email telling me about it and not spreading it around in an email forward.
If you did forward that email to me,
I would be Gina, and I would tell everybody and then go to the OC Gazette and let them know everything.
And demand that they put my name as anonymous.
By the way, and believe Matt on this,
because we once had a hilarious scenario,
like three years ago when we had a friend.
We have two friends, one of whom...
What are you talking about? I'm nervous.
Don't talk about this.
I'm not naming names. It was hilarious.
So we have two friends who are both journalists.
And one friend told the other one
as a joke that I didn't like him.
This is a joke.
And this friend freaked out.
So this guy, he calls me up. He's like,
Is it true you don't like me? I was like, no.
Why did you get that?
He's like, well, so-and-so said you don't like me. I was like, what? So I
go to Matt, and I'm like, Matt, why is so-and-so, I was like, can you believe this? So-and-so
just told, you know, the other person that I don't like him. And Matt's like, oh my god,
that's crazy, you know, so-and-so's like really like, he's a, you know, he's a real asshole.
I was like, I know. And then, like, I get a call from so-and-so, and he's like, hey,
Matt just told me that you were talking about me, why did you just come to me? I was like, oh my god, this is crazy.
And then the three of us all went up to him and laughed about it.
So basically,
I have no idea
what you were talking about right now.
You don't remember that story? Oh my god.
The point is that Ben is basically
Laurie. He just admitted that he would do what
Laurie did. That's terrible.
Do I at least get to be genius? No, no, no. I did what Vicky did.
I did what Vicky did. That's what I mean. You did what what Lori did. That's terrible. Do I at least get to be genius? No, no, no. I did what Vicky did. I did what Vicky did.
That's what I mean. You did what Vicky
did. That's wrong. You shouldn't have done that.
You should have called the other guy and said,
oh my god, now
we're talking about dumb bitches that we
don't even know. No, I'm going to defend myself.
Here's the thing. It's like, am I going to
sometimes you want to talk to a friend
to find out, how should I handle this?
How should I approach this?
What tone should I do? Should I write an email?
Should I call? It's okay to consult your friend
about something, okay?
That's ugly. Put it away.
That's his team I'm on.
But you know what, though?
Sometimes, when you consult a friend,
that friend goes and blabs to everyone.
Whether it's Gina.
But when that friend is Gina Keough, that's like writing it on your Facebook page
yeah but here's the other thing
when your friend hosts a podcast
about gossiping about TV
and also won biggest gossip in high school
you should fucking know better
well if I didn't know my friend
was like that when I confided in him
then yes
that's my fault
but it's also an accident and therefore Matt I won't confided in him, then, yes, that's my fault,
but it's also an accident.
And therefore, Matt, I won't confide in you about person X and Y ever again!
Do they even matter to us anymore?
Uh, yeah, a little bit.
Your friends are tiring.
Wow.
Hey, I have a question, Robbie.
That was not a yes and moment, Robbie.
If you're so bored,
why don't you pull down that guitar off your wall
and play us a little ditty?
I don't play that.
I got that at Target for $10.
I need something to cover the wall.
I was going to say,
do you hang that on the wall to impress dudes
so they'll come over and get it?
No, it's horrible, actually.
It's the worst thing I ever did
because people are like, play me something.
I only got it because I was going to learn how to play guitar
and I live in such a shoebox
there's nowhere to put it, so I hung it
on the wall. Someday I will
learn to play. Damn it!
We're going to start a band.
Sorry, I was going to
go back to the reunion here for a moment.
The band reunion.
About Lori, though, I wanted to talk
about Lori. The other thing that was ridiculous that she
said was that she was never employed by Vicky.
I mean, come on now.
Laurie, yeah. Laurie is as bad a liar
as the rest of them.
And Heather did have a good point. Her story keeps
changing. She's like, well,
he's dating this underage stripper, and then
maybe she's 21, and then maybe she's not
a stripper. Maybe it's just they saw each other at a poker
game, and then maybe Vicky was having
sex with people in bed, but maybe she
wasn't. And then maybe Lori was in the
room the whole time watching a movie with them
and couldn't remember.
Lori's obviously lying. But I do
appreciate the attempt to bring down Vicky
because she deserves it. You know, I don't think that Lori
is necessarily lying about everything. I mean,
she kind of did screw up at the end where
you know, she didn't
make herself look amazing on the reunion,
but, I mean, Vicky has admitted that she and Don both cheated on each other
repeatedly throughout their time together,
so why would we really not believe that Vicky was banging every busboy in on delays?
We've seen her.
I mean, that trip to Cabo, we saw Vicky flirting with all those guys,
and then we saw Vicky on another trip with Brianna and the
insurance team.
Stop scratching yourself. It sounds like I'm doing
dirty things during this podcast.
So we've seen that Vicky's a
total hoe, but the thing with Vicky admitting that
she cheated on Don, that
didn't happen until a whole lot of
I never would! I never
would! How dare you! I never!
And then suddenly it was, oh, well, I've admitted that I cheated on Don.
And he, what? What? What?
What did you do that?
Vicky thinks that because she admitted that she and Don both cheated during their relationship,
that gives her a free pass for everything going forward and everything in the past.
And I think that is complete bullshit.
Well, they're all liars and there's nobody to call them on it.
You know, they just tell the same thing
over and over again in circles.
Lying, lying, lying.
And Lori was the same. She was just
going, no, no. It's that over
talking thing where they don't stop. They just, no,
no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no. And then no one can win
and then they just break the commercial and show a clip
of something really boring. Like, remember
when Lydia was on a boat with her husband
eating dinner and doing armpit farts?
Wow.
Good times.
Good times.
Okay, what else happened on
R-H-O-C?
Why was Alexis even there?
I don't know, but I'm sure
the producers were wondering the same thing.
Who do you think's coming back next year?
Do you think Alexis stands a chance?
No, she's done.
She's done, right?
She is done.
Do you guys think that...
Does Laurie have a chance of coming back,
or was Laurie there just to stir up this season,
and then she's gone again?
I think he was trying to bring her back,
but Vicky's not going to film with her,
so if Vicky's not going to film with her, So if Vicky is not going to film with her,
then she can't really be back.
Like Vicky kind of has that much control.
I agree.
I think you're right.
Do you think that Brianna has a chance of becoming a full-timer?
From Wondery,
this is Black History For Real.
I'm Francesca Ramsey.
And I'm Conscious Lee.
What do most people think about
when they hear the words Black History?
Rosa Parks, Reconstruction,
MLK, February,
Black History Month. Exactly,
exactly. There are so many
stories of Black History that we just
are not really talking about or thinking
about, especially outside of
February. And we are about to
flip the script on all of that. Because
on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain
to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad free on Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th,
or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus
starting January 29th.
Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Black is beautiful.
Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards,
played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold,
a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt
to her newfound
eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of
becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10,
curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her
own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends
to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you
into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and
death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app
or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can binge all episodes of Academy
early and ad-free right now
by joining Wondery Plus.
I don't think she would
because she probably feels like
she really fucked up in life
by being on there
and putting her husband on there
because those two are being attacked
all over the place.
They are not looking good.
So do you think that we're just going to have Vicky
and Tamra and Gretchen,
Heather and Lydia
as the five, or do you think that they're going to go
cast somebody else? I think they'll bring in
another... I think they'll
bring in an Alexis replacement.
OC needs six. The only one
that's getting away with five is Jersey, but I
hate Jersey at this point. I don't even want to talk about it today
because it's so boring to me, but
OC needs a 6th for sure.
Absolutely.
I nominate myself.
I'm looking at Facebook. I'm looking at some of the
comments. I like what Katie
U-U-W
she says,
does Lisa Vanderpump know Sarah Rue?
Very good point.
I think that means
that Heather really doesn't know that spot.
She does. She was on Malibu
Country.
Let's see what else.
Kelly Big Red posted the
letter, exclusive, the
smoking gun letter sent to Vicki Gumbelson
from the mother-in-law,
the ex-mother-in-law.
Dear Vicki, I want to thank you for taking my call today.
Oh, my God.
This is a long letter, Kelly Big Red.
Jesus.
Okay.
I can't read this whole thing.
All right.
Give us some highlights.
We need some highlights.
Come on.
I'm concerned for Lori because it's only a matter of time before she, too, experiences the real George Peterson.
The George Peterson whom this family has known for many years.
Over the years, I have watched George ruin the lives of innocent women and their children without remorse.
He destroyed the life of my eldest granddaughter, Gina's first daughter, from a previous marriage.
When I would come to visit, I had to leave the room on many occasions while George belittled, badgered, and chiseled away bit by bit Adrian's self-esteem.
His relentless outburst would last for hours on end.
Well, first of all, her name is spelled A-D-R-I-E-A-N.
Adrian, that bitch deserved to get yelled at.
She can't even spell her own name.
He was probably trying to stop her from walking into the street and getting hit by a bus.
Sounds stupid to me.
And also, this sounds like a really bored grandmother. Who writes letters to people on TV trying to
bash other people? Stop it.
Stop it, Grandma.
But thanks for posting this letter.
Alright, so
should we move on to
Miami?
Season premiere? Yes, please, God.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was my interpretation.
You mean Jammie? So how do you
guys like the new way that they're shooting this show?
Love it.
Love it, love it, love it.
I mean, we saw some of this last season, too.
It's just been amped up a little bit more,
but I love this with the glamorous telenovela look that they're giving it.
Here's my thing.
It's Miami.
Do it in Miami.
You don't have to do this,
and nobody needs to worry that this is going to happen
for all the different iterations of this franchise.
Let Miami, who is the lowest
rated, try and do something different
in order to gain a few more viewers
so that we can keep it on for additional seasons.
If Miami starts to tank this year,
it's going to go away, and we don't want
it to go away, people. So get with
the program, realize that it's kind of fun,
kind of like the last season or two of
The Hills, where it was over-the-top
ridiculous, and guess what? I missed
The Hills. Yeah, an alternate
ending was released yesterday.
Yeah, saw it. Thanks.
I'm on top of it. But here's the thing.
Like, it makes sense for
Miami to look glamorous and sexy
and colorful, much the same way as
whenever they show the B-roll
in the stock footage of New Jersey, it looks
like brown and dead and
ugly and awful. It just makes sense,
okay? It just matches the territory.
So
when we... Yeah, and they're setting
all those shots up anyway. They do it on every
show, so why not just do it with
a better HD camera and a little
color correction and some music playing?
I say I am so for it.
I actually really enjoy the way it looks.
It's beautiful and it's sumptuous
and it makes you want to be there.
I know some people on our Facebook page were complaining
because they say that it makes the show
even more authentic and they really watch
these shows hoping that they
have some sort of realness
to them, which, by the way, people,
that is not the case so uh sorry
about that but um you know i love it like the whole state like the opening to me was just
ridiculous and leah is waiting by the jet in her white mercedes to pick up joanna i was just like
i felt like i was in a prime time soap opera like like fucking falcon crest and you know all of my
like gay tinglys were going off. I loved every second of it.
But then at the same time, it's
totally undercut, because then when
Joanna gets out and is kissing Roman, Leah's
in the backseat being like, hey guys!
You know, she's like,
don't be like me!
What is that?
We love Leah. So, speaking
of Leah, so they're clearly setting
up that the big rifts and the backbone of the season is going to be the spite between Leah and Adriana,
wherein Adriana was revealed to have been married since 2008.
And Leah is sort of like, well, I bought your art.
I did all this stuff.
I supported you.
As a single mother.
As a single mother, and now I'm I did all this stuff. I supported you. As a single mother. As a single mother, and now
I'm finding out all this stuff.
This is an actual real
fight. Rani and I,
we saw Leah, and Matt, you saw Leah a few days after
us. There's some real
stuff going on between her and Adriana.
When we
saw Leah, she was like,
I hope I don't
get the bitch at it. I hope I'm not the
villain. What do you think? Do you think
the production is pushing us
pro-Leah or pro-Adriana?
I actually think it's kind of split down the middle
because as much as you want to try and
give Leah the bitch edit, Adriana
is so crazy the way she
acts with everybody in her life, including her
husband, that I don't
really think that Leah has too much to
worry about, because Adriana's going to dig her own
grave. I agree. I felt like
the show opened with Leah. Leah got
the first word in, so she painted
the view. Adriana and
those girls sort of got the last word,
because Leah didn't show up at that little
get-together at the end.
But that being said, we saw
Leah's take on it first.
That colors it for us. And then when we
finally see Adriana, she shows up
late.
It's all in a negative
view. We're not seeing her as
a victim of such and such.
So I think that Adriana is actually going to get
the bad edit. Do you guys think that
Leah is justified in being upset
about this? I mean, she was really close
to Adriana. It's not about this.
It's not about this, I don't think, at all.
I think that this is just something
she's using as like, and then I found
out you were married! You know, I don't
think that this is actually even why she's pissed.
She's pissed because at the reunion,
and they showed it, she's pissed because
all the girls ganged up on her, and instead of
having her back, Adriana
just let them gang up on her and then
kind of kicked her while she was down.
I don't think Leah cares
and I don't think Leah cares
about the whole being married thing as much as
I think it's just something for her
to hang on to in the fight. And also, I don't
think it's about the editing. I think
so far this season, it's going to be about
gangs of girls. I mean,
Lisa even said it. Those girls are like a gang.
And they are. They will take anybody
down that they don't like, and they will help
each other do it.
The thing is, Leah is smart, though. Leah's a smart woman,
and she's also confident
and richer than all those other girls.
So, like, in a way,
four girls versus one Leah
is still kind of, like, Leah still may even have the edge, you know.
Dare I say that, you know, I really dislike Joanna and I really hated her in season two, which is her debut season.
Yeah.
But I do like that Joanna seems to have Leah's back a little bit here.
Me too.
You know, they are a gang of girls, but I do think that Joanna could prove beneficial to Leah in some weird way.
I think so.
Listen, I think whether Leah really cares about Adriana's past or not, I would find that upsetting, personally.
And here's the thing.
I got a text from a friend, and this text really, really, really is the exact thing that I thought when I was watching it.
I'm going to pull it up right now.
It has to do with a fight with Adriana and Frederick on the yacht that happened in the first part of the episode.
So fake.
Yeah, she goes, my friend says, can I share a Miami theory?
I think Adriana and Freddie staged that fight to reinforce the back story that the marriage license stopped there.
No wedding because he called it off.
Fight seems scripted
and stupid and that Lee imitation was a non-sequitur.
Anyway, they're dumb.
No, that's exactly right and it was so obvious
that that's what it was doing and she's yelling at
Frederick and saying, oh, this is your fault and
now I'm embarrassed with all of my friends. No, bitch.
It's your fault that you've lied for all
of these years, not his. She's
trying to rewrite history and then she goes,
oh, they weren't really married. It was a marriage
license. But she got married at City Hall.
Shut up. We're married.
Did she do this because she knew that this season
was all going to be about Joanna getting married
to Romaine Lettuce, and she wanted to have a rival
wedding? Or what is the point? It's not like Adriana
was ever... Wait a second.
It's not that Adriana's...
Adriana was never in jeopardy of not
being on a future season
if it were to be greenlit, and it was greenlit.
So why would she need to do this?
Because that's always been her storyline,
that she's going to get married to Frederick.
That's been her storyline since the first episode.
And also, she's been telling people not to marry her.
And she's waiting for a big TV wedding.
But did she force it,
knowing that Joanna was definitely going to get married on season three,
and she wanted to compete with that?
Probably.
But she also – yeah, I would say so.
But look, she's shifty because she's acting like, well, it's just a license on paper.
That's it.
It's not like a real – it's not from God.
It's not a real marriage.
But at the same time, it's like, well, but you are getting tax breaks.
As someone on our Facebook page mentioned,
it's not just like, oh, we just happen to have a license and that's it.
You're totally benefiting from it all this time.
Don't act like you've been single all this time.
You don't feel married.
I bet you feel real married when you get a good tax return because of it.
Well, my question is, if she was married and it was a legit marriage,
then what was she doing sleeping on the floor of her
art gallery with her son?
I don't get that. Exactly.
Was she just in a fight and she ran out of the house?
I don't get any of it, but she's obviously lying.
And Leah's maybe a
little too butthurt about it,
but I don't know. I think
those girls are going to gang up on Leah big time.
And now I love that Anna, and then
Anna all of a sudden, in the beginning we see Anna,
who we all hate now.
It's like, well, I don't care.
I don't think it's a big deal.
Who cares?
It's not a big deal to me.
It's okay.
So you're not like,
so you're technically married,
but you said you were,
it's like, who cares?
I'm like, where is this Anna
who suddenly is casual about things?
At the reunion,
she was getting mad at Leah
because, oh, Leah, you used to be like
an Avon lady. You never talk to
people about that. So all of a sudden,
it's like, it's not okay for Leah to
have secrets. I think that Anna knew
going into the reunion that she was not
going to come back for season three, so she was
acting like an extra crazy bitch to either try
and get on season three or because she said, fuck this,
I don't care. And that continued
on the premiere because obviously
she's been downgraded and
I think that she's just going to be as mean as she possibly
can to garner as much screen time as possible.
Yeah, absolutely.
I want to talk about, for a second, I want to talk about
Mary Saul being
downgraded as well and not being in the opening credits.
I am not a fan of Mary Saul's
but I do think that
she should be a full-time cast member.
Ew. Gross.
Okay, this is going to sound very cynical and mean, but she doesn't
bring anything to the table
except her mother.
Okay, so that's what I'm getting at.
You can't have
Elsa be
a main person in the opening
cast and the opening credits. I mean, you should with Elsa
with her box of rocks and sand.
But in order
to have more Mama Elsa, I'm fine
if Mary Saul needs to be upgraded to full-time.
But clearly that's not happening.
I think that
Mama Elsa's not there. That's why she's not
full-time. I mean, you could show Mama Elsa
in a coma in the hospital with a mask
on her face, breathing, and it would be more
interesting than any scene Mary Thole's ever been in.
And by the way, if they aired that 24
hours a day, I would watch it 24 hours a day.
Oh my god, this is
an extra strokey episode of
Watch What Happens.
Ronnie wasn't being Mama Elsa with a stroke.
Ronnie was just being Mama Elsa.
Yeah, vintage Mama Elsa.
Oh, Mary Thole. just being Mama Elsa. Yeah, vintage Mama Elsa.
That's Mama Elsa in the hospital with the mask on her face.
Oh, my gosh.
But we were introduced to
Alexia's mom this episode.
I'm sorry, she is not going to be able to compete with Mama Elsa,
but one of the good things about
gaining 50 pounds is I can imitate her
really well now.
Yeah.
I hope you're not wearing a bra,
because that woman clearly does not wear a bra.
Women have a fear of castration.
No, men have a fear of castration.
And the women have already been castrated,
so we are not afraid like the men.
Don't you love that she's a Cuban that used to formerly live in Spain
but is now living in Miami? And she's
a psychiatrist? I think this is fascinating.
I know. There are a lot of interesting things going on
with Alexis' family, because then there's also
Peter, the ne'er-do-well son,
who was hot at one point, but now has turned into
like a 1988 drug smuggler.
You know? I think he's still hot.
Now he's like fat-like. He's like
gettable hot. I mean, not for me, but like
other people. But the hair, the ponytail is just awful.
I like a loser.
He's hot.
But I'm glad to see that Frankie, that's the name, right?
Frankie?
Freddie?
Frankie?
It's Frankie, and I just think that that whole story is so sad.
I'm really glad that Bravo and the producers let Alexia come back full time
because she deserved it.
She needed to be off part of season two to take care
of him. It really just is
tragic and clearly he's still
not at 100%. Who knows if
he ever will be, but I like that she's willing
to put this story on the air. I know a lot
of people think she's a terrible mother because
of what her other son did, especially to that homeless
person, which is deplorable
on every level.
But I do think that she does seem like a good mom to Frankie.
I don't care what anybody says.
Alexi is so funny.
She's like, well, you know, Frankie, yes,
he got into an altercation where he hit a homeless person
and stupid, stupid Frankie videotaped it.
Like, that was the problem.
Like, he's so stupid that he videotaped it.
He's not stupid for hitting a homeless guy. He's stupid for videotape it. That was the problem. He's so stupid that he videotaped it. He's not stupid for hitting
a homeless guy. He's stupid for videotaping.
I'm sorry, Ronnie, but there are a lot of annoying
homeless people near your Starbucks that I want to hit.
I just don't hit them and videotape it,
but I want to. Yeah, but you know what's disgusting?
I want to hit them too, and I don't.
You don't get to just hit a homeless person.
Well, you know, Alexia does have a point.
I'm angry before I get my Starbucks in the morning.
Alexia does have a point, which is that it's stupid
to punch a homeless person, but it's
even dumber to document it.
It's even the dumbest thing
in the world to then put it on
Facebook and think you're going to get away
with it.
Is Alexia a bad mom, though,
for not teaching her son's proper
studies? Oh my god, she was letting her son go to
21 and over clubs with a fake ID
driving drunk in the first season.
I mean, she's not a bad mother.
She's like a typical rich mother who
lets her kids do whatever they want. When they get in
trouble, she buys their way
out of it and cries about it.
She has
to put up with so much. Yeah, you do
because you're kind of terrible.
Ronnie has the points.
I'm sorry, but these mothers
who just send their kids to clubs and let them get
wasted and shit when they're 16,
and pays for it, and knows about it,
and then, like, didn't she give them a birthday
party, like, with a bar on a
yacht or some shit during the first season?
I mean, I don't feel sorry for them.
Yeah, exactly. And her, like, underachieving
son, like... Are you people I don't feel sorry for them. Yeah, exactly. And her underachieving son.
Are you people that cold-hearted? When you look ahead
at this season, clearly
no matter how many horrible
What's the bad son's name?
Peter.
No matter what horrible things Peter has done,
he is clearly fucked up
because of what happened to Frankie.
And you see later on in this season
those are real tears coming out of his face
you can say that all these women on the show are fake
and that they are fake criers
but this kid is so upset about what happened to his brother
and I'm sorry that I have some compassion for him
I'm not saying that I'm glad the brother got an accident
I'm not saying anything like that
of course I feel bad for the family when something like that happens. I'm not
talking about that. I'm talking about
feeling sorry for that loser when he's out
fucking drunk driving since the time he's 16.
I'm not going to feel sorry for him.
You know what? People have died in my family. I haven't
gone and punched fucking homeless people.
That's disgusting. How can you stand up
for that?
Did you just call me disgusting?
I'm going to fight you. I feel like we're on a reunion
right now. No, no, I didn't. I actually feel
like I'm sitting on a couch opposite you
in a reunion and Ben is going to be
Andy Cohen and I'm going to come fight you.
No, don't be mad. I'm in a really
shitty mood. Do you guys
think, well I've got a low grade fever
everyone. And I'm not saying you're disgusting, I'm
saying that kid is disgusting.
Do you guys think that Alexia should be mad at Leah
for allegedly telling people that the kid should go to jail for up to 25 years?
Here's the thing.
I'm going to sound like a hypocrite, but who shouldn't say that?
Because he should have gone to jail.
He should have.
He should have gone to jail.
But Leah says she didn't say that, and I believe Leah
because she's the wife of a defense lawyer who
makes it his job to get people like
that off. It's not like... Right. Plus,
also, like, you know, these women
can be so stupid. You know, Leah probably
says an off-the-cuff remark, maybe like a
maybe like an exaggerated remark, like, yeah, you should
go to jail. Go to jail for how many years? Whatever.
She says a remark like that. It gets told to someone
like Lisa, you know, biggest brain
of, like, the Western world, and then Lisa, you know, biggest brain of, like, the Western world,
and then she probably, you know, it gets all, like, messed up in her head or her friend's head,
and it comes to Lisa, then it goes to so-and-so, then it gets to so-and-so, and by the time it gets to Alexia,
you know, it's like, oh, well, you know, Leah said that your son should go to jail and get raped in the ass, and then after that be sent off to China and do some hard labor, you know?
And they never do twice.
I actually think that Alexia
is smart enough to know that Leah
is not the devil.
Plus, I think that she also should
fear Leah a little bit, and she
doesn't want to get on her bad side.
Well, it seems like this cast, out of all of the
casts, this cast actually knows
each other. It seems like the girls actually
hang out together. Not all of them.
Lisa, obviously, no one hangs out with her.
Well, somebody mentioned this on the show, but there's, like,
the Cuban crew, and it's, like, I want to say
it's Anna and
Alexia
and Adriana. Is Adriana Cuban?
No. No, she's Brazilian. Oh, and
Mary Saul are all Cuban.
And Adriana's, like, in their crew, too.
I think that those four girls
all hang out together.
You know how it is with a little gang of girls.
If we could take one thing and spin it
into this huge drama
when it's really one stupid little thing
that was said.
We'll fight you. Watch what happens, bitch.
That's right.
Watch what happens when we gang up on you.
Ronnie, what was the thing we used to say
when we used to imitate Adriana saying?
She had that one line
we used to always say it over and over and over again.
Oh.
I don't even remember, but it was just her
fucked up accent.
She always said it, but she had that same...
I don't know.
I was trying to think of that when I was watching the show.
Where's Annie Verbano when we need her?
Was anybody missing Dr. Karen Sierra DDS?
I was not missing her.
I was only missing her mom.
I hate her.
I was only missing my vanilla ice cream.
I hate her.
I hate her.
I'm actually missing the hatred that the girls had for her.
Oh, I loved it.
I loved their hatred for her.
You liked watching them punch that bag constantly?
Yeah.
I just thought it was so funny.
And her strange parrot in the backyard.
Because she was just horrible.
She was just like that awful celebrity dentist.
He was at every red carpet and taking pictures with everybody famous. Ugh, she's just horrible. She was just like that awful celebrity dentist who's at every red carpet
and taking pictures with everybody
famous. Ugh, she's so gross.
Framing them all over her office.
I enjoy watching people like that get dragged through the mud.
So yeah, I miss her.
Do you guys know that Joanna
and Lisa apparently don't like each other anymore?
I saw the war that erupted
on Twitter recently, and they are going
at each other. I know that we're going to see this later on in the season,
which I am very excited for, actually.
I don't really like either of them,
but I know that there is serious bad blood there,
which makes for great TV.
I love it.
I love that Marisol called Anna...
I mean, not Anna. I'm so confused.
I love that Marisol called Lisa tits McGee.
I think this is going to be a really good year,
and I really like how, I love how they're
filming it, and I love how they opened it
with the interview clips
explaining the drama exactly.
It wasn't like, oh, this is going to happen
later in the season, and wait
20 episodes. It was like, this is why I hate
that bitch, and this is why I hate that bitch. Go!
And I like that they're obviously trying
to make Adriana like Lucy and Ethel
or whatever with her husband. She's supposed
to be so hilarious, but she's really
just coming off as a bigger and bigger asshole
every second. I just love it.
And she's really bad at
doing the fake stuff, when she's like,
I'm so sick of your vintage
this and your vintage that. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of, I'm so sick of your vintage this and your vintage that.
I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of your
vintage. Well, last season
we did see her act in a
straight-to-not-even-DVD movie,
and so we know she's a terrible actress,
and she really needs to tone it down.
Yeah.
She really does.
I was laughing through the whole show.
Best line of the night, though, in my opinion,
goes to Mary Saul, who was like,
more cockies.
By the way, speaking of
Emmy Brabano, she mentioned
on our Facebook page, one of my
favorite bad quotes,
quote, she's a
carrier pigeon. That's my favorite
Marisol insult. Is that a diss?
Marisol kept on saying that last
year about Karen Sierra.
Marisol thought it was the funniest thing ever.
You know what she is? She's a carrier pigeon.
She just takes the message and just carries it on
over. A carrier pigeon. Is that
terrible to say? If I said,
Ronnie, Ben is such a
pony express.
Yeah, it's like that. It's like, great.
She's such a telegram, you know?
Alright, are we done
with these Miami bitches? What else happened?
Can we talk about...
We need to talk about Leah's house decor.
Oh, okay.
Oh, yes. First of all, I love that all these
women have just giant atriums in their
houses. When they walk in, there's like five
stories of nothing above their heads.
What are these houses?
Star Islands.
Star Islands. Florida looks
so beautiful, first
of all. It looks gorgeous.
It makes me want to go there, and I've been there.
I used to live in Florida. It was hot as hell,
and everyone's old, and it was not fun.
Where they all live, everyone's all big and buff,
and I feel really insecure, and it made me hate myself for my life.
But watching this show, I'm like, oh, my God, I don't want to go there.
I secretly hope that Leah invites us to Miami,
and then we can go and stay on Star Island
or go to someplace cool and feel awesome.
Well, she probably won't fly us out there,
but I'm sure if we call her, she'd be like, hey, come on over.
Yeah.
To my throne.
How fun is that?
She had a line this week.
It was so funny. I wish I had written it down.
I was like, this will be the new, like, tear it down!
And I forgot to write it down.
All I can do is her laugh now.
Was it something about
the
re-doing the house?
Leah totally laughed like that
when we were doing the house. Why do I bother?
Why do I bother? Leah totally laughed like that when we were doing the house.
You're good.
I can't let us
move on until one of you
does Freya.
Does who? Freyda?
Freyja. Freyda.
Freyda? Well, I put him a machiste in Frida's room?
I was like, Frida, what are you doing with a machiste?
Why are you playing checkers on the machiste, Frida?
But you know her, she has her own gallery on the side for all I know
Leah does get these little digs and it's hilarious
Well guys, thanks for coming to redo my ballroom
I put all the artwork out, I mean, I've got so much of it
because I had to buy some to help a friend, you know, who needed the money.
So here it is.
She's obviously talking about Adriana, which I thought was hilarious.
You know what I want to do with all these decorations?
I want to tear it down.
Tear it down.
It's a ball.
Who has a ball anymore?
Tear it down.
Who has a ball anymore?
Tear it down!
You guys sound like... You sound like gestating gremlins.
Isn't that what that little gremlin sounds like?
Gizmo?
Gizmo.
You sound like Gizmo.
You know what we actually sound like?
We sound like fucking carrier pigeons.
Marisol's like, where's my metaphor?
My metaphor has come to life.
Marisol's like, I knew it.
Marisol's like this.
She's like, I knew it should have been
more than just a hernia the house was.
I'm Marisol Haddon.
What is with...
Yeah, her surgery's really weird.
It's like, she has her cheeks pushed.
She's like a chubby joke on purpose.
She's like, just keep pushing my cheeks, guys.
Just keep pushing them up.
It was an insult wrapped in an invitation.
How was that?
Yeah, this is Marisol possessed by Leah.
Yeah, this is Marisol possessed by Leah.
This is Marisol possessed by Thomas Kramer.
Sit down, shut down, or send a carrier pigeon.
Okay, you guys, just a break from real life.
Wait, wait, wait, no, did some, okay, go ahead.
My house smells like ham.
Okay, carry on.
Wait, is the quote... I'm seeing that on our page,
Prognosis Prognosis said that you're not up to my standards.
I can't do it.
Oh, it's not up to my standards.
Thank you, Prognosis Prognosis.
By the way, I love Prognosis Prognosis
because it's such a weird name.
Every time I see Prognosis, Prognosis comments,
I'm always like, oh, look, there's G-squared.
Your prognosis is
prognosis.
I love that girl.
That's the prognosis of standards.
Her picture is beautiful on the Facebook.
Why don't we move on to New Jersey?
I have about three things to say about New Jersey.
I do, too. I hate it.
Oh, so boring.
So they went go-karting
and Gia proved to be wiser than everyone on the cast
and
that I think is all that happened.
Oh, I love
that we got to see that song again.
Waking up in the morning
Waking up in the morning
Waking up in the morning Why can't we in the morning. Every day. Wishing everything could be okay in the morning.
Why can't we get a flashback to Danielle Saab's daughter?
We are sisters, and I never know how.
We are sisters, and I'll be there forever.
We are sisters.
Danielle Saab's like, my baby, my baby, she's a star.
The other one's a model, though, so let's look at her instead.
baby, she's a star.
The other one's a model, though, so let's look at her instead.
Oh, damn.
I actually was so
disturbed by that scene, and little
midget Joe, like, yeah, how
did it, like, stare into my ass?
Gross.
I think Ron and I both
have a very concrete answer to that question.
What was that?
How did we like staring at Joe Gorga's ass?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You worked hard.
By the way, people, if you're only listening to this
on iTunes, you are missing
out on all the fun
of the video experience as right now
we're doing our Lydia dancing.
Only the two of you are doing that because you think
Joe Gorga is hot. I am sitting
here waiting to move on to the next topic so I don't
throw up.
How about Greg?
I'm a professional.
Let me look at my notes.
Oh, you're not the only one,
Diane Sawyer.
Yeah, you're not the only one.
We found out that Teresa complains about her
problems to her kids. I mean, we knew that.
Meeting with Joe and Gia.
Jacqueline not being able to say what
Tree did to hurt her. That was pretty interesting
in that meeting that she had with Jacqueline.
How she was like, okay,
so I hurt you? Okay, what did I do to hurt you?
And Jacqueline was just like...
Well,
newsflash.
Jacqueline is as immature and stupid as her daughter.
I mean, how do you think her daughter turned out that way?
So, of course, Jacqueline has no good answer.
Jacqueline, I forgot how insecure
and sad Jacqueline is
at the bottom of it all. I mean, she's just...
She can't move her face because she's trying to please people.
She's going to get all cut up and sliced up
because she's trying to please people. And then she's like,
Woohoo! Shots! At a table with her And then she's like, woohoo, shots!
At a table with her parents.
It's like, oh, you're so sad.
She actually seems, Jacqueline actually seems very sad this evening.
She seems like she's actually in a sad place, and it's sort of sad to watch.
Yeah, it is.
I don't like it.
Although, you know, I'm all for a tummy tuck.
What's Matt doing over there?
I think he's doing... He's playing Nash.
Yeah.
I feel like Matt's taking our dinner order.
Like I would ever work retail
or in food service.
Oh, Ronnie, that was a dig at you.
I don't work.
I was taking notes.
I drew a picture, instead it's really bad
I
hate
is that the shape of New Jersey
Jewish people
Matthew
okay wait
everyone has to draw New Jersey
let's see if they can do it
let's see who can draw the best impromptu New Jersey
I'm going to do mine
it looks like a big camel penis let's see who can draw the best impromptu New Jersey. I'm going to do mine.
It looks like a big camel penis.
So what else happened on this?
That's my New Jersey.
Why isn't anything happening on Jersey?
And I think it's so hilarious that the editors keep putting in,
poor Kathy, like, well, Teresa apologized.
Like, no one cares, Kathy.
No one cares, Kathy. Was Kathy on this episode?
I was like, oh, I think the Rosie did something.
So Greg gained weight and is moving off to San Francisco
where he will probably find much love
because he's like a San Francisco bear now.
Yeah, if you're a bear, you're good in SF, right?
Yeah, he'll do just fine.
And then...
We had a big old clip of the Sons and their terrible shady business
and their beautiful new office.
Who's paying for that?
The bankruptcy court.
Whoever you guys fucked over and bills the first bankruptcy is paying for that.
And, yeah, I guess Blackwater got into something.
It got into, like, it's being served as some, like, state penitentiary or something like that.
I don't know where they're sending this.
Just give it to the inmates.
Send it to the colleges
to do lab testing
with the monkeys.
You guys, we're getting five cents a bottle
for black water
and the homeless guys will be picking up
the blue containers full of it
later on today.
Let's see.
And then the other thing,
Jacqueline
came here to LA
she's just down the street
on Holland Boulevard
at Tequila
which is by the way
like a shitty place
that no one goes to
what's up with white people
opening Mexican food places
and then spelling the name wrong
like is that supposed to make it
is that so
it's like
okay
come eat Mexican food
but don't worry
white people own it
like Tequila's not spelled T-E-K-Y-L-U-H or whatever.
Shut up, white people.
But we saw Ashley and her face.
So her lips are all puffy.
Her hair is done up, but she's lost weight.
It's what happens when you move to L.A.
She looks like a little tart.
And she lives, by the way, next door to Matt.
And she talks exactly like Jacqueline now.
She lives in the building next to me
where the machete-wielding madman was captured about two months ago.
That was also her plastic surgeon.
Oh!
That makes sense.
So I've got MJ across from me.
Matt's got Ashley next to him.
We have The Miz, the WWE wrestler, somewhere on the block.
The Miz is across. I don't know if The Miz is still there anymore.
I haven't seen him in a while, but The Miz was in the same building as MJ.
And you know, Matt, Evil Dick from Big Brother
used to live on the other side of you, but he
moved out. He did?
Yeah, he's long gone, but he was there
about two years ago.
There's a lot of porn stars, too, in the
neighborhood, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, Sugar
from Survivor is also somewhere.
And Corinne, I think Corinne from Survivor is next to you as well.
And for the gay men watching this podcast or listening to it right now,
Adam Killian, I believe, is his name.
Check that one out.
Who's that?
Just do a Google search on that one.
Look, pretend you're Teresa learning what a sociopath is.
What? S-O-C-I-O-PATH?
Huh? Someone who's
incapable of feeling emotion? Huh?
What's emotion?
Sorry, Chris. What are you doing
in my phone, sorry?
So, what was... I love
that Teresa... That was actually the best part
of the film. The best part of the show
for me was Teresa asking Siri
what a sociopath was.
That was hilarious.
Adam Killian.
So what was I going to say?
What I didn't understand was
at the end, Jacqueline's going under
for her nasty tummy tuck, which we saw
like pieces of her fat
on the table, and they're cross-cutting
it with her son
who might have strep throat.
Going back and forth
as if it's a commentary on something.
Like, ooh, illness on both coasts.
I didn't understand that. Did you understand that?
No. I was looking at Adam Killian,
funniest porn star ever.
Okay, I put images
and then
he's like this, naked,
spreading his butt, going like this.
And poses for porn
like that. That's hilarious.
How are you supposed to pose for it?
Well, not like smiling like you're in a
soap commercial. I mean, come on.
Can I do a name drop?
Can I do a name drop?
Did you go on a date with him from OKC? No, you're asking. You just went
on for ten minutes about the D-listers that
live next door to you.
Seriously. I once
socialized with Adam Killian. I was not
on a date, but I was at a party with him.
And he is, like, a very bizarre
pothead guy. He seems really
nice every time I see him hiking on Runyon Canyon.
He is nice. He was actually extremely nice,
but he's like a total Burning Man,
Burner, like,
truly... LOL, Derek being the first
one to be like, Ronnie,
here's who Adam Killian is.
Here's Adam Killian, for those of you who don't
know. There
he is. He's very handsome. He has lots of
tattoos, and he has really good
calves, almost as good as mine.
Almost.
Almost.
So, wait, guys, can we talk about Eat, Drink, Love?
Yes, please.
Jersey's done.
Let's move on.
Okay, Eat, Drink, Love is my new favorite hate-watching program.
I love that show.
Did you guys not like it?
It was so...
I liked it because I hated it.
It was like, it was...
Can we just put this out there, Ben, and if you can't
talk about it, I understand, but are you friends with the girl
from Eater LA?
I'll do full disclosure
on my...
on the girl from Eater LA. Because they made her out
to be the biggest whore in Los Angeles.
Yeah. I don't
know her. I don't know her.
I've interacted with her online. There have been some times I've submitted things to Eater LA to try to get a link to my blog. She's been nicer over email. The reputation that she has amongst food bloggers is that they all hate her because she's skinny and pretty, but then they all have to be nicer because she runs Eater LA.
but then they all have to be nicer because she runs Eater LA,
and a lot of food bloggers are like,
she doesn't even know how to write.
She doesn't even eat food.
She sounds like the perfect person to be on reality TV,
somebody who doesn't really work,
but people hate her for doing nothing.
Exactly.
I think she's sort of hilariously awful.
I love when she's like,
well, this guy, we sort of have a thing.
He really wants to fuck me, but whatever.
He's just like, every time I walk in the room, he's looking at, like, we sort of have, like, a thing. He really wants to fuck me, but, like, whatever. He's just, like, every time I walk in the room, he's, like, looking at me,
like...
I don't know. I think that she's, like, totally
insufferable. On the show.
On the show. Sorry, Kat.
Yeah, she's totally that girl who's just, like,
a whore for attention and has daddy issues
and thinks it's fun, but
I don't know. I don't know
what age I was when that was
fun. You know like when your friends were like, yeah,
we got arrested. Yeah! And everyone's
like high-fiving each other. Actually, I don't.
You get to our age and people are like, I got arrested.
Well, I'm from Texas. You get to our age
and people are like, I got arrested. And you're like, yeah, you're a
loser. How dare you suggest
that I'm not classy like that?
How dare you, Lydia? How dare you?
I mean, can't you even laugh at this?
So let's run down
the cast. Okay, so we have Kat O'Dell,
who's just sort of like, oh my god,
when I walked in the room, oh my god, he was looking at me,
and I sort of had a thing with that guy.
And she's sort of annoying.
And then you have this little, like,
munchkin chihuahua, who's like her
sidekick, who agrees with everything
that she says.
That's my favorite one.
The lap dog is your favorite?
Yeah.
My friend Nadine calls her Alex P. Keaton because she's so weird.
She's like, yeah, so I'm in charge of everything.
I work for Morton's.
And then you see her go into the kitchen.
She's like, guys, guys, what is this?
This isn't food.
Look at the recipe.
I mean, thank guys.
Thank guys.
And then they cut to the line workers and they're like,
what the heck is this?
It's like she's 10 years old. She's like that
cigar chomping baby from
Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
Is that a movie from the
70s? Oh my god.
She's from 1988, so...
I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I just turned 25.
Just like me.
I love how in one scene she's like, I've got to work extra me. I love how, like, in one scene she's like, you know,
I've got to, like, work extra hard to be taken seriously,
and in the next scene she's like,
hey, look, I made a crown for the birthday girl.
I mean, we're all on the same page here
that she's on a lot of drugs, right?
She's totally Adderall, at least.
She's, like, at least having Adderall.
She is, like, a total...
She just wants to be accepted and loved by everyone, specifically Kat O'Dell, at least. She's, like, at least having Adderall. She's, like, a total... She just wants to be accepted and loved by everyone,
specifically Cat O'Dell.
As does everybody on Adderall.
Yeah.
Then there's the private chef who's just, like, whatever.
She's just, like, the typical top chef reject of, like,
yeah, I'm tough, you know, I'm, like, a personal chef.
I got, like, tattoos.
Like, I'm in the trenches, and now I'm in the weeds,
and now I got a tough table to take care of.
Yo, I'm a personal chef.
It's like, okay, okay.
She's like, yeah, turn them and burn them.
Yeah.
Do you know who I hate?
Big mistake.
I hate lots of people, but I really hate chef people
that get forks, knives, and spoons tattooed on them.
Is there anything worse than that shit?
I'm doing a high five.
I'm doing a high five.
I'm doing a high five. High five. Boom, boom. boom seriously it's like yo I put a tattoo of a beat on my arm because
beats are my favorite veggie and also I like to think that I marched with
different beat of my own cuz I'm a chef I'm gonna get a tramp stamp of tuna
tartare because that is an amazing a moosebouche. Yo, I'm going to get a tattoo of a branzino
because you know what?
Branzino are a special fish.
It's the first fish I learned how to make
when I stopped taking drugs
and I was saved by cooking.
Yeah, it's on my nipple.
I love somebody tattooing tuna tartare onto themselves.
Sidebar, tuna tartare is over.
Dear LA restauranteurs,
it doesn't need to be on every goddamn menu.
I know.
I actually had some very bad tuna tartare
last week at Le Petit Four,
which,
first was Dave was going to Le Petit Four for food.
I think I had tuna tartare
at maybe Villa Blanca.
Well, actually,
theirs is good.
I mean, it's an outdated dish,
but theirs is good.
I liked it.
I haven't had tuna tartare since junior high.
So, yeah, had tuna tartare since junior high. So yeah,
that tuna tartare
tattoo is just a big gloppy mess
on your back. Why would you do that to yourself?
But yeah, she's totally one of those girls who think
she's so cool. Because you prefer other gloppy messes on your
back. And then the last,
our last cast member
is Waylon,
who runs Faux Nuts.
Oh no, there's two more. You forgot the self-hating
factor. Oh, no, I'm sorry. She's my favorite. She's the last one.
She's the last one. So then we have Waylon,
who has Faux Nuts. And the thing that annoys
me about Waylon a little bit... Is everything.
...is she's a little too self-conscious
of the cameras. Like, this whole, like, we have a dance
party, because we're just, like, fun at Faux Nuts.
That's what we do. We're just, like, having fun.
And she's also the girl who's, like,
getting stuff sent to her
when they happen to be filming the first day
because everyone thinks she's so gorgeous.
I'm like, shut up, Michelle Pfeiffer.
I'm sorry you're not getting enough time
at home, but your
witches of Eastwick days are done.
Just make a fucking donut and keep your mouth
shut, okay? Send in yourself flowers.
Shut up over there, Michelle.
By the way, have you guys had donuts?
No. I'm not eating a baked donut.
I don't think.
They taste good, but they taste like a piece of cake.
It doesn't taste like a donut. I'm sorry.
Who bakes a donut? Donuts are not
something for you to improve upon.
Fry the fucking dough. If you're going to improve
upon it, make a new sauce or something.
You know what I had today?
Did you have a cronut without me, bitch?
I had one today.
I had a cronut today.
Where is this?
It was good. It was at
Kettle Glazed Donuts. It's brand new.
It's on Franklin and Argyle.
I have to say it was really good, but it was not like
Everyone's
talking about how cronuts are like
your eyes are going to roll back in your head. Now, if it's true, these are not the how cronuts are like your eyes are going to roll back in your head.
Now, true, these are not the official cronuts
from Dominique Ansel's bakery in New York City,
but it still was really good,
but it wasn't like, oh my god,
it wasn't like, donuts are taken to the next level.
Is it a flaky donut?
It tasted just like a little flakier.
It was not significantly better than a really flakier. It wasn't... It was not significantly better
than a really good classic donut.
You're just telling me that you like it,
but I need to know what the texture is like.
Okay.
Yeah, is it really like a croissant donut?
Because I'm so in if that's what it is.
It wasn't as croissant-y as I thought it would be,
to be honest.
It was flaky.
It had that great fried, light, fluffy texture.
What was great about it was that it was very light.
It was very fluffy. And, you know, it was very light. It was very fluffy.
And, you know, it's this thick.
It's this tall.
So, by the way, sorry, people who are only listening.
It's this tall.
And you bite down, and it's, like, soft and pillowy.
Is one enough?
Yeah.
At this place, it was, like, $3.75.
So it's not like a 99-cent donut here.
That sounds like a Sprinkles cupcake.
That's a nice Yeah, it has.
So here are my issues.
What was good about it is it had a chocolate drizzle on top
and it allegedly had some cream filling
although I didn't even taste the cream.
But there was...
Therefore it's bad if that's misadvertising.
It still tasted... I was actually fine with that.
But my only issue is that it had sugar.
It was like a donut
that has like..., you know,
it's like, has, like, they dip it in the sugar,
and it's got, like, sugar crystals all on it.
There was sugar, like, all around it,
and it actually was a little too sweet because of that.
Not just, like, a little.
It was actually, like, aggressively sugary.
I would have liked maybe just the sugar on top only.
But, again, of mine, a quibble.
It's good.
Go check this place out.
And the donut shop is beautiful, and I can't wait to try their other doughnuts too they're non cronut right now stop pimping them until they advertise I'm gonna tell them to
how about I do that um they can they could sponsor our eat drink love post so
anyway now let's go on to our last cast member Ronnie by the way if you are not
looking say something running because Ronnie looks so happy they're looking up
cronuts or Adam Killian, or Adam Killian
splashing in donuts. Guys, let's invite
Adam Killian to have a cronut with us.
I am la- he is not gonna eat a
cronut. He's gotta keep that
butt pretty. I just saw it spread open
like a fucking-
Like a jelly-billed
cronut. Like a
resume, like a portfolio.
I'm reading the Facebook
and Emmy is saying, foam people,
stop with the foam, food people. That is so
true. Spit foam. Why do people have
spit foam? Why is that still popular? It's
disgusting. Foam became popular
when that evil guy who's like a hot
little mini Wolverine named Marcel was
on Top Chef and he liked to do
foam on top of everything. It's Jose Andres.
Well, it all comes back because Marcel and Michael Altagio
all worked for Jose Andres at the Bazaar,
and so did Waylon, who dated Michael Altagio.
And now let's get on to our fifth cast member, Brenda,
who was my favorite, and she's also our way into this world.
Oh, my God, is her name Brenda?
Yeah, her name is Brenda.
She was the only one who was, like, really likable and relatable.
You know, this core...
What? Likable? relatable, you know, this core
She's fucking a horrible that girl random the publicist the publicist she Miranda. Oh my god. Are you a Miranda? She has to see here
Okay, listen, look here's this woman
She has to she has her restaurants that she represents and she has to go and sit down at lunch with
her restaurants that she represents, and she has to go and sit down at lunch
with freaking
Cat O'Dell and the little chihuahua
and has to sit and listen to Cat O'Dell
talk about all the guys who think she's so hot,
and she has to put on a smile because she's a publicist
and pretend like she cares so much
when all she wants to do is shoot herself in the head.
Shoot yourself in the head
if you're that miserable. Life does not have to be that
miserable. You are not fat. What are you,
five pounds overweight? You're bitching about being
fat? And then her story about how
her husband left her was hilarious to me
because I was like, of course he left you.
You're horrible. She's like, well,
he came in from a trip, and he said hi
to the dog before me. And I was like, really?
You're saying hi to the dog before me? And he was like,
oh my god, I just walked in the door, and you're
already giving me crap. And she was like, you know what?
I'm leaving you. And he was like, fine.
You know, you sound like the biggest fucking shrew of all time,
and I don't blame him for leaving you,
and I'm sorry you hate yourself so much,
but lighten up, honey.
At least fake it for TV.
I mean, Jesus Christ, lady.
I don't know.
I thought that for what she has to sit and listen to,
and I was personally, I felt for her.
I don't care about the divorce thing. I just felt for her having to listen to
these people and then they're on.
I think she's so hateful and at that birthday dinner
of hers, she gets trashed at this birthday
dinner that everyone else sets up for her. She doesn't
have to do anything for herself.
And yes, granted, the slut set it up at a guy
she was flirting with's restaurant.
But she probably did that so she can get them a lot of free
shit and she's not spending hundreds of dollars on this
birthday, right? So I can get it. You know, like,
what else do you use a slut friend for if it's not
to get free shit? So this girl gets
all jealous because this
slut friend has all these guys hanging all
up on her, so she's like, let's play truth or dare.
Okay, truth.
Isn't it true that you're dating, like, six
guys right now while she's sitting next to the
guy she's trying to date? That's not cool.
That's not cool. And that's why you don't get laid.
Like try being nicer because you're horrible.
Wait, are you suggesting that
if I'm nicer I'm going to get laid more?
Yes.
It's kind of like Aaron on Big Brother
who this week was like
you know it's funny I've been acting really nice to people
and I'm sticking around longer
so I guess I have to keep it up.
It's like, yeah, isn't it funny
if you're nice to people,
good things will happen to you?
Crazy, right?
Crazy.
Look, Matt, I'm not saying that you should be nicer.
I think you should keep yourself the way you are.
But if you're into somebody,
and you, you know, just be quiet.
You don't have to change your personality.
Maybe just like...
Just don't show them your personality.
Yeah, you know, give it a while.
Wait till after.
I'm going to take...
Maybe LA Weekly will have like a mime class available for me.
Don't let Adam Gertler be in it
because you saw the way he fell down those stairs.
Adam Gertler from Food Network Star.
Oh my God.
I don't know.
I think there... I know LA Weekly,
speaking of which, wrote an article about how
this show is really just terrible for
food journalism and women because
it makes it seem like
women sleep around
just to get ahead, essentially.
And that food journalists
sleep with all the restaurateurs
they write about and everything.
Okay, by the way, how many food journalists really exist?
There can't be that many of them.
Wait, we just got an email from Leah.
Oh, no.
Is she watching right now?
Oh, it hasn't been.
It has...
She is not watching right now.
No, she's not.
It has actually nothing to do with anything.
Okay. She just wants us to
tweet and
tag RHOM.
I was so excited. I was like, oh my god,
Leah's watching. Leah has something to say.
She's like, don't forget
my handbag.
No, we love you, Leah.
I don't know. So,
verdict is,
it's no Gallery Girls, but I'm going to watch it because...
I liked it.
I mean, I think that it could be kind of Gallery Girls-ish, except that they're not way younger than us.
But I like that they finally hit that spot where it's like, people are age.
I love that it's people who take themselves so seriously.
Like, it's food, people.
I mean, I get that food is trendier than it ever has been,
and I get the celebrity chef thing,
but it's ridiculous at this point,
and people are falling all over themselves.
Like, you guys work in the service industry.
Like, drop the attitude.
Seriously.
At the end of the day, you're cooking for me.
So shut up.
Drop it.
I actually think that they kind of missed the boat with this one
because I feel like the whole, like, foodie revolution,
especially in Los Angeles,
happened, like, two, two and a half
years ago with the emergence of
the food trucks and the pop-up restaurants
and all of that, and now I'm kind of like,
maybe this works for the rest of the country,
but I just don't give a shit.
Well, because you don't eat.
Yeah.
Notice how
the food revolution... Touche!
No, I don't even mean it as a diss.
You don't, like, you proudly don't eat.
I mean, give me a break.
You're my fucking hero in life.
You know that.
I strive to be you.
Look at you.
Look at yourself.
I have gained ten pounds in the past year.
Matthew, you have gained nothing.
And if so, it's ten pounds of God's love.
You know what you need to do, Matt?
You need to do what I did,
which is somehow contract a vicious stomach flu.
Oh, my God.
I should have made out with you that night.
Spend three days shitting and vomiting everything that goes into you.
And I have special drugs that will make me do that on command.
Yes, please.
My birthday is coming up.
I would love some of those.
I know.
But I do want to make it clear.
I just want to cut off my stomach and attach it to my butt.
I love some of those.
I know.
But I do want to make it clear. I just want to cut off my stomach and attach it to my butt.
I do want to make it clear that you look great how you are.
Please stop with that.
But I do mean, like, of course you're not as interested in restaurants
because you've, like, really become the true L.A. skinny person.
And you have, I mean, you've told me what you eat.
It's not very much.
Listen, spoiler alert.
This show has nothing to do with restaurants and food. It's just a backdrop.
This is just like, we want to show,
we want to get like five women together who
like their world is, they
overlap a little bit and have to deal
with each other and, you know, we found
Kat O'Dell who's this like
nympho journalist
who's like self-absorbed
and we found her a little chihuahua
and we found like a bitter publicihuahua, and we found a bitter publicist
who has to smile with these women,
and a lady with big blonde hair,
and then some other person.
It's just like another excuse for women
to yell at each other on TV.
So I'm down for it.
It looks good to me.
But also, I hope this whole celebrity chef thing
is on its way out,
because I was watching the Food Network's new show,
that Cutthroat Kitchen or whatever.
Yeah.
The first chef, I turned it on.
It was from Top Chef, right?
Frank from Top Chef Season 2.
He has been on every reality show.
It's like he's got some agent who keeps getting him on these shows.
And I was like, you know what?
The whole celebrity chef thing just needs to do it.
Every chef has an agent.
Eric Greenspan was on this premiere episode of the Dream Club.
Oh, we like him. We do like him.
We do like him,
and in fact,
Matt,
when we had dinner that night
after our whole little thing
with our friend,
we went to the foundry.
That was that night?
Yeah,
but here's the thing, though.
I mean,
I like Eric Greenspan.
He was on Food Network Star
last week,
and then he was on
this this week.
He pops up on everything.
He was also on,
he was on the first season
of Iron Chef America,
or not Iron Chef,
the next Iron Chef.
Who's this now?
Who's this Eric Greenspan person?
Let me just tell you this, Brian.
This will change your life.
He was the one that the lady staged for.
He, on his menu, has...
He's the first guy, in my opinion, that I know of,
that brought back the tater tot revolution.
And he has tater tots with a violet Dijonais.
Watch out.
Watch out.
Let me revise what I was saying.
I don't mind 500 pound
chefs who actually cook food
that I would eat coming on TV all the time.
So not Gwyneth Paltrow.
You just don't want the top
chef. I don't want Curtis Stone
or Frank who was terrible
then and is terrible now.
They're all terrible. They're just people with agents.
A 500 pound
guy who's reinventing a tater tot
that's a motherfucker who eats.
I can't get behind that.
I'm just sick of these actors with chef agents.
They can't get off Broadway
so they're on the Food Network instead.
It's like that guy Jean Valjean
who was the porn star who then went on to Chef Academy
which was on Bravo.
I was just going to say, like, Giada De Laurentiis has not eaten for the past ten years, so I'm not going to buy into any of her products.
That bitch can't even pronounce pasta.
I mean, I'm sorry, it's not pesto or whatever she's like.
Pesto!
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
I'm hungry and angry.
I'm starving now.
Did you watch Below Deck?
Are we done?
I did watch it.
Sad, drunk, blonde girl.
Amy version 2.0.
I did enjoy it greatly,
I will say.
She's like a little
blonde Catherine Ireland without all the fun stuff. Oh my god like a little blonde Catherine Ireland
without all the fun stuff.
Oh my god, she is like Catherine Ireland.
That's funny.
But she looks like she came from Pennsylvania
instead of England.
Is that a diss on Pennsylvania?
I was going to say, she looks like she came from
England to me. Just bad hair dye.
I was going to say West Virginia.
A mining town. A bad hair dye. I was going to say West Virginia, but you know. A mining town.
A former mining town.
Yeah. A place where
history has passed it along.
Are we going to watch the new show about
where they're trying to make young,
hot, sexy Atlanta because
Atlanta is the mecca for
all garbage reality TV?
I'll sample it.
It might be crap, though.
It's just making me sad because all I wanted in life
was a second season of Most Eligible Dallas,
and I don't even know if we're going to get the
Courtney spinoff that we've been promised,
and now I've got to deal with some more bullshit out of Atlanta.
Well, I found it offensive
that the Atlanta commercial's like,
it's the new generation of Atlanta.
Like, oh, no, you did not just call Real Housewives
old. Not that I'm
arguing. I do, someone
asked us if we're going to watch a Tamara spinoff.
No, I will not be watching that.
I don't do the wedding. I don't want
to do any of the wedding spinoffs, although I may tune in
for a Nini episode here and there.
You guys have to.
It's required viewing.
Look, look, look, look. You can hate Kim Zolciak
all you want,
but nobody in the history of Real Housewives is worse than Tamara Barney,
which means we have to watch this so we can trash her.
Yeah, but it's Tamara pretending she's nice and in love.
I'm not falling for it.
I will give you that right.
If I tune in and it's all her going like,
oh, well, just don't tell Eddie about the price tags
like they're showing in the preview.
If that's what the entire hour is about, please, Jesus, it'll only be a half hour.
Like, Eddie's paying for anything anyway.
He's the president of your gym.
How much could that possibly pay?
So if that's what the deal is, I'm out, but I'm going to give her one shot.
Yeah, let me tell you what looks really amazing.
The NeNe wedding show looks amazing.
It does look good.
I love the twist in that is that it's not a happy wedding show.
She's like, it was supposed
to be a romantic story, but it
is a nightmare. I was like, yeah!
Nene's going to tear everyone
a new one. The whole thing's going to be a nightmare.
Everyone's going to cry.
Yes, now that I'm down for.
Nene being a terror. And she's being sued
by the wedding planners, which makes
it extra delicious.
Of course, because no wedding planner in the history of Atlanta
ever gets paid by these women.
They're stupid.
How is any business in Atlanta still open after these shows?
They're just pillaged by the cast members of these shows.
I mean, it's like the Bailey agency
stealing all the business from everyone.
Oh, my God.
It's so busy.
All right, so are we done for the day?
I think we are, fellas.
I think we are done for the day.
But we will return on Thursday
for the TV Click
Big Brother.
Is that a talking icon? What is that?
It's like a twisty
that I've been playing with all this time.
And I've somehow turned it into a little thing where I feel like I should dip it in soap
and blow bubbles out of it.
It's a little talking stick.
Give me five. Hold on.
It's my monocle. Wait, hold on. Let me get my monocle on.
Hey!
Wait, put it on me.
Can you put it on me?
No, it's in my hand. I'm holding it.
I can't send it to Santa Monica.
I'm clearly the Alexis Bellino of this podcast.
I don't want to be ganged up on.
Okay, I got my monocle on.
Ronnie, what are you doing?
There's a bridge. I can't see you.
Monocle Lewinsky.
There's new construction in front of my place.
I can't see you. There's a bridge going up.
Hello, governor.
Hello, governor. I have a thing to say about things.
I have a monocle on,
and I'm a very rich and important person here
in London.
Okay, let's go.
So, everybody, thank you so much for being with
us. We are the TV Click. Watch what crappens.
You can catch us live at 4.30
every Tuesday, 4.30
Pacific Time. You can find us on our YouTube page30 every Tuesday, 4.30 Pacific time.
You can find us on our YouTube page, the TV click.
Subscribe.
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Please subscribe.
Subscribe, subscribe, subscribe.
You can also find us on Facebook at our Watch What Crappens page,
on Twitter, and everywhere.
Matt is Life on the M List.
Ben is B-Side Blog.
And just come to my YouTube page.
I'm YouTube Trash Talk TV, T-E-E-V-E-E.
Hey, and you know what?
We're trying to build up our YouTube presence,
so you know what? If you really like us a lot,
maybe you should, like,
put a link to this YouTube player
on your Facebook feed, and maybe all your friends
will watch also. Right, people, because
let's get real. This is a
kind of trial thing, so if nobody's
watching and subscribing to the YouTube page,
you're just going to get the audio.
But you are, you are, and thank you everybody for being
on our Facebook page. You guys are hilarious.
It was fun reading you, and we'll be back Thursday night
at 10... No.
We're watching East Coast this week, right?
Oh, let's do East Coast.
So we're going to be here at
7.30...
7.30...
No, 7.20. 7.15.
7.15. Let's just say 7.30. 7.30. No, 7.20. 7.15. 7.15.
Let's just say 7.30.
7.15, dudes.
All right, 7.15 on Thursday nights.
Live.
For Big Brother, live.
And that's 7.30 Pacific time.
Okay, we'll talk to you guys later.
Thanks for watching.
Bye.
Bye.
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