Watch What Crappens - #97: Jersey Reunion, Top Chef Premiere, and The People's Couch

Episode Date: October 9, 2013

This week on "Watch What Crappens," Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com), tackle the ins and outs of flower etiquette on "Real Housewives of Miami." Then it's on to part 1 of the "New Jersey" reunion before discussing the premiere of "Top Chef: New Orleans." Along the way, there's plenty of gossip; plus, we weigh in on "The People's Couch." What we say might surprise you! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crap Is, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love. I'm Ben Mandelker from b-sideblog.com. You can follow me at b-sideblog on Twitter and Instagram and Vine and anywhere else. Joining me this week, as always, is the lovely, the inimitable Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie.

Hello, Benjamin. Hello. Downton Abbey is back, so that's how we have this. I was about to say, when Ronnie is not walking around in a top hat with a cane, he can be found at TrashTalkTV.com

and then his Twitter is Tr tweet tv and i think his instagram is trash talk tv again yeah sorry confusing yeah so um that's what ronnie is we don't have matt here this week so we'll just persevere on without him somehow some way and um sad news for some of you all we've gone back to the audio format only. While we did really enjoy doing video, there were a few things. I think the recording quality went down a little bit. Like, it didn't sound as good. And I found, me personally, I wound up getting distracted by the visuals.

And I think our rapport kind of wasn't quite as in sync as it was when we were in audio. Well, because there's that delay. You know, like here when we interrupt each other, we can hear that we're interrupting each other. But there it's like, I don't know, it's an overtalk for 10 seconds in a row. Also, I mean, I was against that. I kind of liked having people talk back to us while we were doing it live and all that. But now that we're doing this today, I am plucking my eyebrows, my nail.

I mean, already we've just started. I'm like cleaning hiding my nail. I mean, already. We've just started. I'm cleaning out my nails. The best thing would be if we could somehow find a way to do audio only, but somehow make it live where we could get people interacting with us, because we did love that. That was one of the big pros of the video

version. But we figured it's more important for us to put on a funny show than to have awkward moments and be able to respond to questions here and there. Let's just get on with it.

Let's get on with it. Enough already. I'm already bored with our process. We've already turned everyone off. We're the worst. The Podcaster Studio. What is your process for your podcast? it's a podcast about how we podcast yeah yeah our medium our method um so anyway we have a lot to talk about

this week we're going to talk about real housewives of miami and new jersey we're going to talk about top chef and we'll talk about gossip but um why don't we talk about this quirky little show that surfaced this week called The People's Couch. Yes, let's talk about The People's Couch. Let's talk about it. Okay, so we actually have a story about The People's Couch. And here it is. People started sending me all these audition notices for the show because basically what we do is sit there and watch these shows and make fun of them. So they're like, you'd be perfect.

So I set up an audition for me, Matt, and Ben, and they saw us a couple of times. They really liked us and led us to believe that we were most likely going to be doing this show. Like, we had to wait a month for network approval, but the producers were like, we love you. You're basically, like, we're throwing your hat in the ring, but you have to get network approval. So we were totally excited thinking we were going to be on this Bravo show. And we're trying not to tell you guys, you know, at least I did. Me and Matt totally did. We were like, we're so on this show. So then I saw the casting director at the Big Brother Rap Party and went up to say hi to him. And he immediately looked he looked at the floor okay this guy had been

hounding us to make sure we had a place to shoot that we had where we're all in that we had the month of october you know set in stone for them they were totally ready and then like two weeks we hadn't heard from him and then i saw them him look down at the floor instead of being really nice to me and i was like well that we got screwed out of that one so by the way this is also pretty much the story of my dating life too oh my god this is basically my story of 10 years in l.a basically so we you know he looks down and i said so you know i didn't have him about it but then towards the end of our conversation like i warmed him up you know and towards the end of the conversation he said well they're deciding by tomorrow. But I knew from his reaction.

I was like, we're fucked. Yeah. So, you know, of course, we didn't get a call. Like, we found out we didn't get it. And you know what? Honestly, like, that's what we do. Who cares? It's no big deal.

Yeah. Until I saw what they did instead of get us. It's almost like they went, you know what? These three funny gay guys on a couch being total bitches is funny but one of them's really fat so let's get like three west hollywood gay guys instead i i think that's actually i didn't like that i think that's actually one of the main reasons why we didn't get picked aside from the fact that maybe we just weren't funny or maybe we we did discuss well we were we were also um I think they really wanted people to sit and watch TV and react.

And when we – we kind of were like a little on. We were kind of like doing the podcast, which may not have been really what they were looking for in all fairness. And they were very nice people in general. But when I saw the gay guys that they did select, it also became evident that they just wanted very attractive men. Well, yeah. I mean it's totally offensive. Like they totally were like oh well those three gay guys are funny but this guy's like semi-famous one of them is already a commentator

or whatever so let's get him and just add another couple we ho gays and you know what fuck that that is so rude and i saw on the you know we saw clips of the lond the english show the british show yeah um which we had not really seen at that point. We'd seen kind of a preview, but we didn't see what the show actually was. And if they had told us you're talking too much, or whatever, we could have done it. But once I actually saw the show,

I loved it because it's real people. The British show is like a real fat, semi-retarded, and I mean that word in the literal sense, so don't be writing hate mail, but it's like some semi-retarded guy drooling from the in the literal sense so don't be writing hate mail but like some semi-retarded guy drooling from the mouth and is like 100 year old mom and their sister with a job sitting in their dumpy ass apartment watching tv and you know it's that but this one of course they have to go get fucking models to do it yeah fucking la and i have to say

also i saw some of the british one and the brit one is really funny actually, because maybe it's because they're British and they have such quaint ways of saying things. Um, I also felt like I didn't actually watch all of the people's couch. I only caught the last five or 10 minutes. There was, I actually felt like it seems scripted to be honest. And I'm not saying this is not coming from a place of bitterness.

This is not coming from, I'm not trying to be vindictive because we weren't chosen. really don't give a shit if we get if we got chosen or not chosen uh but but quite frankly it it read like when they were doing they were twerking like miley cyrus you could tell the producers were like okay why don't you twerk why don't you twerk why don't you show us what it'd be like to twerk it felt it didn't really feel like um as natural as watching people really watching TV. Although the thing is people on Twitter like the show. I went,

I did search. I looked, I looked it up too. And I did not watch the show either. I just saw the preview while I was watching whatever was on that night, I guess, Jersey. And I,

then I kind of, you know, honestly, like I just had my feelings hurt because I was like, I'm just too ugly. Like I need to move back to fucking space. I need to move to space. You could be like Sandra Bullock. You're going to be twirling around

in space. Yes. I want to be in space or in the water. Like, somewhere where I'm just light and I can get high. Well, that's... Well, spoiler alert. Anyway. Did you see Gravity, by the way? No, I'm poor. And I'm poor. I'm unemployed. Like, I was hoping

that would at least help me get a job. But yeah, I mean, I'm not bitter And I'm poor. I'm unemployed. Like, I was hoping that would at least help me get a job. But, yeah, I mean, I'm not bitter for that. I was just bitter that they cast WeHoGays. Oh, my God. So, man. I looked on Twitter, too, and people are really liking it. So I'll give it a chance. Yeah, you know, I'm really, I'm actually not opposed to the show, even though we weren't on it.

I like the idea of it. I do have to say, I thought the five minutes that I watched were nothing special. Like, I'm sorry, whoever produced it. I forgot your names already. But I just didn't think it was that funny. But I'm open to it. I'll watch another episode, the whole thing. You know, if you guys want it to be funny, hire some actual funny people.

I mean, not saying that the people on it are bad, because I haven't watched it, but like, if you want it to be funny, just hire some funny people and stop worrying about people fucking doing push-ups, okay? People are not going to be watching this show because they're going to be masturbating Just hire some funny people and stop worrying about people fucking doing push-ups, okay? People are not going to be watching this show because they're going to be masturbating to the three guys on the couch. Alright? Fuck off. And by the way, one of those gay guys, I

recognized him because he was at Gretchen Christine Butte's engagement party in Los Angeles. Remember that episode? Of course, when Slade arrived via helicopter and there was a party right afterwards, he was at that party.

So once again, Bravo recycling some stars. Although they also weren't Tarsu or those two people from Newlyweds on the show also? Yeah. So that's the other thing. I mean, you know, these people have some sort of brand. Yeah, I mean, look, I think it's a super fun idea for a show, and it looks really fun when I see the previews, and everybody who watched it really liked it. So, you know, good for them. I'm just bitter that I'm too fat to be on it.

So fuck you Los Angeles and fuck you Bravo again. So for all you people who've been writing on our Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch what crap happens, people have been saying, oh my god, you guys should totally go on the people's couch. Let it be known, they

had their chance. We are now performing on the Spree couch with Leah Black. Yeah, you know what? So we're not on Bravo. You know what we're doing? You don't get to see our faces anymore. You don't want our faces there? You don't get them anywhere. You get audio only. Here, I take this. It's mine

now. My face is mine. That is why we changed it back to audio only. Here, I take this. It's mine now. My face is mine. That is why we changed it back to audio only. Because now I can binge. I can just be ugly. Okay? I can be ugly on a fucking microphone. We were shamed out of the video space. And then, you know, so that was Sunday, right?

So this is, we're doing this on Tuesday. Yeah. So last night was Monday, of course. And I was supposed to do this thing, which she has us do, which is just like this after show that Lee has had us on a couple of times. I mean, Ben on a couple of times and some fast.

Well, yeah, some casual thing. And you just talk. It's fun. It's like a group chat online, but it's always a shit show. It's always a mess.

Well, last night I did it with Amy Phillips and the assistant. I'm still going to call him fucking Dan. I cannot believe. His name is not Dan. He was on the show last night, right? Yeah, someone they showed on the show this week. So it was us three.

And then Sarah, who is Leah's, like, social media chick. So, Leah, it's time to do it. And Leah's nowhere to be found. Now. So Sarah's like, you know, you guys should just, you know go ahead and leah will get her internet connection figured out oh god because it was her fucking internet again okay this happens every week so we start doing it leah never shows up we did like 45 minutes and i basically was interviewing amy phillips who's really if you guys don't know who she is she's like a brilliant we love her we

love a lot of imitations of the Housewives, and she does this show sometimes, too. But she's just a really, really good girl, really funny girl. And so we got to talk the whole time, which was great. And I just interviewed her and let her answer the questions as Leah.

So that was pretty fun. I can just imagine Leah being like, well, I sent a card and flowers to the cable guy three weeks ago. I don't know where my internet is. I sent a card and flowers to the cable guy three weeks ago. I don't know where my internet is. I sent it. Leah, you knew that I knew that you knew that you didn't send flowers to the cable guy. I didn't know that you knew that I knew that you knew.

I haven't paid my internet in the six months. I've just been paying with flowers and cards. And I haven't even been selling those. How fun is that? So funny. I had the Time Warner guy over to test my makeup and I had cameras there to shoot it all. I don't know why it wouldn't be working.

You know, I'm already so happy we're back on audio. Listen to us. Listen to us making jokes. Yeah, scratching my balls at the same time what a joy what a joy um so let's go on to some of the uh other other gossip did i did i cut off your story did you have more to say you really do you want me to have any more personal things in this podcast because i'm i'm just bitter like let's just move on let's just be dumb no i'm not better i'm not better but anyway my point was the uh i did have an end i guess so leah didn't show up and we had a great time anyway but i was like this is basically

my life at this moment i think i'm i think i'm going to be spending this week shooting a bravo show and i end up talking to fucking leah black's assistant with a 15 second delay and the star doesn't even show up and nobody's watching this and, and I'm going to go slip my wrist. If I had a bathtub that was clean, I would have killed myself in it. I'm just imagining you, Michelle Pfeiffering yourself in a bathtub. That's a little callback to the year 2000 for What Lies Beneath. That was a reference there, a very current reference. That's what you get here at Watch Where Crap Ends.

No. 13-year-old references. I would be in the bathtub. If that was the case, I would be in the bathtub. If that was the case, I would be in the bathtub. I would be about to cut my wrist, and some producer would come in and be like, you're too fat for this scene. You're going to hang yourself outside, and we've got a model here to kill

themselves instead of you. Get out. No, that would be great, because then, like, when they pull out your body and everything, they'd be like, oh my god, Ronnie was looking really good. Why did he do that? He was looking so great. He's really come so far. He finally lost that weight.

Could you imagine having a body double for your casket? Oh, my God. I just don't want to be one of those people that they have to make a special coffin for me. Oh, no, Ronnie. You never would. You never will be. Never. Enough about my fat.

That's my five minutes talking about being fat for the week in the public eye. So there you go. Okay. So let's talk some gossip here. We pulled up a few little articles. I have one that's just from a few hours ago that states, here's the headline. Paramus couple sues real housewives stars over Ridgewood brawl. Oh, my God.

That's right. Penny and what's-his-face the Greek, Johnny the Greek or whatever, also known as John Caradiorgis or whatever. Yeah. Guess what? They're suing Jacqueline, her husband, and Joe Gorga again. Again? That case was thrown out. I think it's sort of like an O.J. Simpson situation where I think the original one was a criminal court,

and this one's a civil, this is in the civil court. Yeah, first they were accusing them of being terrorists, and now they're just accusing them of being mean, or what? Like, how does that work? Oh, just, I think they're saying this time that, um, they're also going after the production company, saying that Joe Gorga has a known temper, and that they intentionally put him in this situation, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

What losers. Let me tell you something. No one's going to believe this guy. First of all, he looks like a pizzeria owner who failed out of pizza school. He looks like someone who's got like a head...

He's trying to make pizzas on a hubcap or something like that and trying to pass off as a pizza oven. I told you, he's not even a pizza guy. He deep fries hot dogs. And it wasn't even like, oh, it's the owner, Johnny Karakaka. It was like, this guy works at like Carney he deep fries hot dogs. And it wasn't even like, oh, it's the owner, Johnny Karakaka. It was like, this guy works at like Carney's deep frying hot dogs.

It says here in the article, he's an employee at Clifton's Rutz Hut. Is Rutz Hut a hot dog hut of some sort? Well, I only know because I looked it up last week to figure out more about this guy. Because I was like, who the hell is this guy? And why is he always on Twitter and always being mentioned?

He doesn't even own Rutz Hut. He's an employee there. Okay, I'm looking up Rutz Hut. Okay, I'm on the Rutz Hut website. There's a picture of Rutz Hut. It looks like a brick building. The sort of place where it looks like you'd go in there to get uh like like flagstones for your walkway but it's actually you know it's like the sort of place where you get like stone and marble or something like that

looks like a little warehouse uh-huh um and the website says welcome to the future home of rutz hut so it's an aspirational website for rutz hut um it's a mood board for right yeah let's see let's see what the yelp's yelp Rutz Hut in Clifton, New Jersey. Deep fry, but oh so good it hurts. Can't wait to visit and have a few rippers and relish. The relish is the bomb digs and it's their own secret recipe. The recipe is probably his own flop sweat

falling into a vat of mayonnaise. Yeah, it's like he got it by reading the stretch marks on his armpit, between his armpit and his boob. Let's see. Someone wrote a six-paragraph review. I'm like, listen, if you're dedicating six paragraphs to Rutz Hut,

you've got a real problem. It's one thing for us to talk about it, because it doesn't involve us using our hands or applying any sort of intellectual capabilities, but if you're sitting here writing six paragraphs about this place we have but ain't that yelp though don't you just fucking love yelp i love it it's like we're like minimum wage workers have a voice like wow you know the golden corral there were so many fingerprints on the glass you know on the sneeze glass like let's go on oh and I contacted the manager and all he did was give me a free soda. Shut up.

Yelp. Okay. Someone gave it a one star. It actually has generally okay reviews, but someone gave us a one. Well, what kind of person goes and eats a hot dog and then decides to have, like, discernible taste? It doesn't work like that. Wait a second. No, no, you take that back because It doesn't work like that. Wait a second. No. No. You take that back.

Because... You would never eat that. What? A Rutz Hut or a hot dog? A deep fried hot dog from Rutz Hut. I would get a deep fried hot dog. I would not get it with Johnny the Greek standing by the fryer. With his nipples dangling perilously over these frothy bubbles of oil.

Okay, so the point is this. We are way off here. No, we're not. We're talking about Bravo and the hired people that work deep-frying hot dogs. Deep-frying hot dogs. You know what? God bless this guy. You know what he does for a living?

He deep-fries hot dogs. He sits over a fryer. You know, God bless this guy. You know what he does for a living? He deep fries hot dogs. He sits over a fryer. He takes processed pieces of meat and throws it in hot oil and watches it bubble around and then gives it to some mooks that came in off the boardwalk. After eating a bite off of each one. Yeah. Let him have his moment in the sun. I say I'm taking it all back.

Let him see these guys. It's going to get thrown out. Let him have some fame so we can always talk about it. And then he'll go off to hot dog heaven. Yeah. I'm reading his Twitter right now. And it says, everyone needs to understand that when in PR business, the right thing to do is not involve family with business. Like, what are you, afraid that you're going to get stabbed in the back by your sister at the deep fryer? Shut up.

I agree. A Rutz Hut scandal. By the way, and Rutzuts hut that just sounds terrible it really sounds like a place involving you know the purchase of rubber and or brake fluid um aside from the fact that it looks like it's a place where you get marble it's it's very confused so um speaking of food i want to talk about an article that i read um that courtesy of Reality Blurred about Top Chef. Were you able to see that article, Ronnie? No, I was too bitter because you put it up yesterday and I was still really upset. I was eating Twinkies.

You were still upset about the people's couch? It was only yesterday. I mean, it was like the next day. Okay, all right. day. I mean, it was like the next day. Okay, alright. So, everyone, if you have not read this article, I actually really, truly encourage you to read it if you are a Top Chef

fan, or even if just you're a reality fan in general. It's fascinating. Well, walk us through it, because I really was interested in reading it and totally forgot. Sorry, I'm just going to mention it, and then I'm not going to talk about it. No, Ronnie, you don't get that. Man, i'm glad i'm here to keep

on track no so um go to go to our website uh or our facebook page facebook.com forward slash watch what crap happens it's up there uh a journalist for one of the the papers in new orleans got to tag along for the first um two and a half days of shooting of this season of Top Chef. Oh, cool. And he sort of explains the process of how they film and how the whole backstage area is. He says it's like a two and a half day process. For instance, the deliberations at the end, the judges' table, that's the next day. It's not even the same day as the event.

And any time they say last night, that gets cut out. It has to be tonight, tonight, tonight. They have a whole separate kitchen in their studio where they test things out. Sandy Birdsong, who was on season three, she's one of the lesbians. I mean, every woman on this show pretty much is a lesbian. I don't think you're allowed to be a straight woman with the name Birdsong. Your name automatically makes you a bird. She's like, you want to go on a nature walk?

So she's sort of like a consulting food producer, which is I think what Leanne Wong used to do, which is that they get these challenges and then they have to try them out and see if they're doable in the time that it takes uh that they're that they're given and if they're entertaining for instance uh on our on the premiere episode which we're going to talk about a little bit later the challenge was to cook either alligator or frog legs or turtle and originally they had thrown crawfish in there as well but crawfish were so significantly easier than the other three that they took it out. So anyway, there are a lot of fun tidbits. I'm not going to get into all of it, but it's a really, really good read.

So everyone, please check out that article. Oh, well, that's cool. And I was so excited to have Top Chef back because I don't know what the difference is between that and Masters, but, God, it's so good. I love it. Yeah. but god i just it's so good i love it yeah they so i think they started filming um around memorial day or june but they started they started doing real serious like uh competition stuff uh just planning it out in march and what they do is they go to new orleans they they try to get as involved and active with all the restaurants and stuff and and really use that as inspiration for challenges and the article gets into how they build the challenges, how they film things,

how it's all set up, the people behind it. Honestly, it was very good. Cool. Okay. Very good. Well, let's all read it. Yeah, let's all read it. And then once you're done reading it and feeling informed, then you can read articles about other vapid things, like the fact

that ex-Real Housewives of New Jersey star Danielle Staub was invited to the reunion and turned it down. Did you hear about that? No. Why would she be invited to the reunion? That doesn't even make any sense. It does make sense because the show is sort of on its last legs.

I guess they wanted her to clarify some rumors about Melissa Gorga or something or another. They just wanted to stir the pot because everyone's happy. And she refused. I'm sorry. I don't believe that story at all. She says that there was too much darkness and I'm not interested. Whatever. You were just spreading your legs at... What's that place in New York?

What's that strip club in New York? Sparks? Sports? No. It's... Oh, God. Whorehouse Incorporated? No. It's really famous. But she was on – Scores.

Yeah, Scores. Yeah, she had her – like a contract there. She couldn't even get through that. It's like, come on, babe. You can't even like be a stripper. You're not turning anything down. She should have done it. It was Andy Cohen himself who tweeted on Twitter that she was invited.

This is not just like a rumor. He said that she was invited. This is not just like a rumor. He said that she was invited. And so she said, that's too much darkness and I'm not interested, which is the biggest bullshit. She probably wanted money and they didn't want to pay her. Yeah. She probably wanted a flashlight. She's talking about the darkness in her wallet,

just looking at the abyss. Well, it's hard to believe that, but I guess i'll believe it since andy tweet you know since andy did it and he personally didn't like get me not hired on that tv show yeah so um the other thing that i didn't believe this week which i'm wondering if you're going to bring up is it jill zarin and uh what's your bun alex alex mccord refused to go on Bethany Frankel's talk show yeah I well I think that's pretty hilarious so basically from what I saw

Jill Zarin was upset because Bethany did not extend the invitation personally and it was a booker that called Jill Zarin and Alex was upset because they didn't offer her enough money Alex have you watched yourself on youtube babe you've got like 15 viewers and they're barely nice to you they're

all they're all your husband like get over yourself yeah alex you're giving it away for free you might as well get something on a larger platform i mean seriously alex close your eyes now open your eyes now close your eyes now open your your eyes. Now close your eyes. Now open your eyes. That's what I have to say to you, Alex McCord. I know. Poor Alex. Her little web show, it's not good.

It's really – have you seen her web show? She sits there. And I like Alex. She was always very nice to me when we've interacted. But she – her web show is terrible. She sits there. She has like her topics of the day that she wants to discuss. But she hasn't sort of like written down on a piece of paper so it's like she's reading her thoughts and her rants kind of like an anchor anchor woman from the from like 1984

you know like who's like really nervous and awkward it's like an anchorman audit it's an anchor woman audition at a cocktail party in like a closet where she's not sure if she's going to be asked to like take off her clothes yeah like it's the most awkward thing ever she's like hi guys it's me alex mccord you know this week and the way that she does it is she doesn't just say like oh you know this week on the real housewives of miami everyone was mean to you know whoever leah or whatever she's like well guys this week on the real Housewives of Miami, we got to see a man get Botox. Well, let me tell you what happened when I was on The Real Housewives of New York. If someone had an appointment at a doctor's office, they'd get called the day before to set up a time.

Well, that looks like it happens in five minutes. But let me tell you, that's a whole day of shooting. I mean, people have to clear out of that waiting room, and it gets real annoying. Thanks for watching my show. It's like, Alex, Alex, no one cares, okay? Oh, my goodness. Yeah, that's pretty much the way it is. It's like, just please stop it.

Here we are on YouTube. You know, the first time I was on YouTube was right after Real Housewives of New York started, and we barely had internet. Oh, geez. Her whole show, she has like a nine-minute show and she spent the entire time talking about like NeNe Leakes. It was just like, what are you doing, Alex? This should have been a four-minute show.

Says the two guys who have a show that goes for five hours talking about feces and guys deep frying hot dogs. And Alex McCord on YouTube. Where else are you going to hear a review of Alex McCord's show on YouTube?

No one. We should really just rename this podcast Throwing Stones in Glass Houses because that's all we do. We take big old boulders and throw them right at the wall see what happens oh yeah pretty much i mean and you know what that's going to follow us around for the rest of our lives even when we let's say like we get another shot at something really all people have to do is google us and listen to us for five minutes to know what they're getting into

like what the hell are we doing? Let's just move. The People's Couch people are probably, like, picking up their phone and be like, oh, you know what? Let's call those guys. Let's have them on for the next batch of episodes. And they're like, uh, never mind. We should do, you know what we should do? We should do a video of us watching the People's Couch.

So it'll be us watching people watching TV. Oh, my God. Please, let's do that oh my god the people do that the people's couch couch please let's at least do that one week oh my god we oh you know we should do we should have one where we sit and watch um sofia vergara do things and we call it the so the sofa Vergara. No, not as good. Yeah, it's good. We'll just do reaction videos every week.

We'll have our own damn show. Yeah. So what else? Do you have any more gossip stories or should we move into the shows? Let's just move into the shows. Let's move into the shows. You sure? Did you have something and now you're not sure about it?

No, I was actually, you know what I was doing? I stopped the recording and then I started again because since I have a very touchy microphone, I'm afraid that if I touch my microphone, it'll cause my computer to crash and we will lose everything we've done so far. So sometimes, every now and then, I stop the recording and start it up again so I at least save the first chunk. Oh, technology. That's a little insider info for all

yeah yeah guys that's something real special right there yeah i'm gonna do a nine minute youtube video about it and then i'm gonna make three pretty gays watch it and react the people the people's podcast um so yeah, why don't we get into... Should we do Miami since that was the most recent one? It's the freshest in our brains. Yeah, sure. Let's talk about Miami. So you guys, this is going to be the biggest surprise to you,

but this is what happened this week on The Real Housewives of Miami. Nothing. Not a fucking thing. Nothing happened on that show. No, I think you should take that back. The last 10 minutes were decent. But everything leading up to that, let me tell you something. I am

sick of this Romaine Lettuce and Joanna Krupa sex storyline. I don't care. It was mildly interesting to learn he was beaten to, like, within an inch of his life by his crazy French stepmother. But everything else is so stupid. Like, why do we watch this?

Why are we watching them in sex therapy? Why can't we have like real issues? I don't care if it's as mundane as she can't get her computer to work. At least I know it'd be a real thing. The sex thing is not real. I'm sorry. No kidding. And you know what?

Bravo cannot be hiring alcoholics and then letting them dry out. That's another thing. Because Joanna was so entertaining her first year because when she has a drunk anger problem, and if she's not going to be drinking, look, I'm not here for Joanna to get a decent reputation and get the occasional cover of like

whatever, like Life and Style magazine, okay? Yeah. I'm not here to support her in that way. I'm here to watch her slap some bitches and act stupid and like a drunken, ragey whore and make an ass out of herself on TV. Why the hell else would I watch? Like, you know why you're having trouble with your sex life?

Because you're marrying a guy who's almost 50. Okay? That's why. And, you know, furthermore, you know, Bravo likes to kind of, like, imprint these storylines onto these characters every single season. But they recycle the same ones from season to season, whether it's sex therapy or something else. How many times do we have to see the couple go to therapy and then try something to spice things up? How many weddings do we have to see?

How many stupid business things do we have to see try to get off the ground? It's the same old shit. stupid business things that we have to see try to get off the ground it's the same old shit and i wish that sometimes i feel like bravo doesn't actually ask these people what's going on in their lives and and make a story about it you know i'm just getting sick of the engagement let's look at a let's look at wedding rings it's it's this they just have like a little card catalog they pull out an index card like okay we're gonna give this one to joanna this season yeah it's the same thing and i was watching that real housewives of vancouver show thinking oh this is like a different They pull out an index card like, OK, we're going to give this one to Joanna this season. Yeah, it's the same thing. And I was watching that Real Housewives of Vancouver show thinking, oh, this is like a different country.

This is going to be totally different. Nope, same thing. Like, oh, they're going to teach her kid to drive and it's going to be wacky. And then, you know, someone's going to – I don't know. It's like the same shit, same stories. Why can't we follow stories about Joanna and her modeling? Maybe she's having – is she having issues with her modeling now is she is she get landing gigs is she's not landing gigs like i just don't feel like um we care that much about the relationship you kind of stories is it me i feel like the people who tune into this show are not tuning in to find out are they going to

get married how's that engagement going to be people don't turn into bravo for that people want to see fights and they want to see people struggling and being deluded. Yeah, totally. I totally agree. And I think that a lot of these people are interesting enough that if you follow their real life, for example, let's, you know, this cast. a lot of people hate because he's a defense lawyer and he basically uh takes care of the richest of the rich people like defense like last year when he was defending that guy who killed someone in a drunk driving accident and leah was telling their son like well you know some people are just mean you know like that's interesting or yeah you know what if leah all these girls are

being really mean let's say to leah so you know what do you Leah, all these girls are being really mean, let's say, to Leah. So, you know, what do you think? Leah's really smiling and taking it all on the chin? No, that bitch is, like, manipulating her way and her, you know, figuring out who she could fuck over. I want to see that. Yeah. You know, Adriana, I want to see her trying to hide from everybody the fact that she's married so that she can scam a free wedding on TV. fact that she's married so that she can scam a free wedding on tv yeah and by the way if anything um proves that that leah let that not so much that leah was right but that adriana is the crazy one look at the way she's planning this wedding she is such a crazy bridezilla first of all she sends

an invite over evite which i understand there's some people who would do that but then they would usually have like a little sort of hippie wedding or whatever but clearly bravo's like no we're not going to pay for your invitations they're like okay we'll do an evite you know yeah and then and then on top of that um the fact that she's making people change their uh change their outfits i would be furious about that i'm no good no good she's a crazy bitch she's a crazy bitch well wearing white to, you know, unless it's on the beach or something, that's really not – white formal wear isn't really normal for a wedding. But then to make them all switch into, like, a terrible theme. Like, she already knew that that movie was about – was going to be on DVD by the time this came out, right? It's like this – it's just not current, you know?

Like, you should have done it – you should have done it like that Sandra Bullock movie. That's what's really hot right now, you you know if you wanted to have a modern everyone shows up in astronaut suits and then everyone goes twirling you know here's the thing reception will be in zero gravity we're gonna have it in the mirror we have it in the space station and then um instead of throwing a bouquet and whoever catches it it it's whoever can catch Sandra Bullock as she comes twirling by. They're the ones who get married. And if you don't catch her, it's okay. She has a fire extinguisher.

She'll be fine. You all come into the wedding and I cut you and then you twirl around until George Clooney makes you stop. That's up to my standards. Listen, I want it to be a great Gatsby party up in space. So you have to wear a spaceuit with a fedora on top. That's up to my standards. For my wedding, for my reception gift, because it's all about my love and how long I've waited for the perfect man, everyone has to buy me a spaceship. Everyone?

I don't care how you do it. That's not my concern. The spaceship has to be up to my standards and also NASA standards. She's so fucking crazy. So she sends out an e-vite. One thing that they were talking about last night that I didn't really notice on the show was that they were getting intravenous IV. What am I trying to say? Intravenous vitamin cocktails injected.

Oh, my goodness. I missed that part. That sounds great. No, that part was so ridiculous. Okay, so they go to this place called the Miami Institute, which could not sound more cultish if you had asked me. I mean, it sounds like the sort of place that was in Woody Allen's Sleeper. I think it was a place for rejuvenation. The tranny works there, apparently, which is already a bad sign.

Not because she's a tranny, just because she's ridiculous. So they go in there. And she says things like, Ha! Of course I work at the Miami Institute! I'm a Miami Institution! She's like, I don't need a vitamin injection, I need a man injection. Ha! I'm Kim Cattrall!

So anyway, so the three ladies went there and they got... The place is meant to look very official, almost like a legitimate place of medicine. There are people walking around with clipboards and things like that. But then they sit down and they get vitamin A injected into them and then there's a pool boy that comes around with champagne. It was so bizarre. Well, how would I get vitamins put on me when I can get them put in me? If I had a nickel. If I had a nickel for every time vitamins were put in me, I'd have ten cents.

I am very depleted. Protein, on the other hand. Yeah, they did that, which was ridiculous. And Marisol tried to talk some sense into Adriana to get her to not have this ridiculous theme. But it wasn't happening. I don't know why anybody would say anything to Adriana. Because that bitch will turn on you in two seconds. Yeah.

I mean, I think that they're just blindly following her and doing whatever she says right now. And that's what they need to do. Because she will eat them alive. Like she, she does not care. She has no loyalty. She will eat you a new one. Yeah.

The reason why her boobs are bigger this season is because it has like the souls of her friends from the past inside of them. She just sort of sucks them in and they go right into her boobs. Everyone. She fucks over. She gets like their spirit saline. Spirit saline. Yeah. I'd like to see her in outer space watching those boobs flail around.

So what else happened on this show? So not much really happened. We got to see her husband get some Botox, which was frightening. And then more sex talk with Romaine. And then Lisa, who just can't get a storyline to save her life yeah trying to be a sex therapist when meanwhile her own husband won't fuck her so i don't know what she's talking about the mean the big thing that happened was this controversy over whether or not leah had sent anything to elsa in the hospital so um leah

showed adriana an email that said something along the lines of hey like oh alexia she was sorry alexia i'm sorry um leah sent uh showed her an email that she had sent to marisol that said something along the lines of hey i hear she's in the hospital should i come by should i not i don't want to cause more problems, etc. So that seemed like pretty damning evidence to me that Leah meant what she said. But then again, Marisol was saying she was in the hospital for months with a stroke and didn't come to visit her or give her anything. And Leah's like, I sent her car to the house! I sent her flowers to the house! Which may be true, but if there's anything we know about Leah,

she usually double-checks and triple- triple checks things and is on top of everything. So something seems a little fishy. Well, by the way, her assistant's name is Jason, not Dan. And I apologize for being an asshole. I'm looking at his picture right now because the pictures were written on that video chat. But anyway, Jason is Leah's assistant, and he said that he personally helped her send pictures and flowers multiple times, and he knows that it was done. So, I mean, I know he's an employee and he could be lying,

but really, he brought it up. I don't know. It just seems like she would. She doesn't seem like, oh, you're mean to me? Well, I hope your mom dies in the hospital. She doesn't really seem like that. And it's just such a petty thing for marisol to uh be all up her ass about it's just petty marisol just needs something to do god bless her heart she does um i actually agreed with lisa who said on the show

that she thinks marisol is really doing this because marisol is upset at leah and marisol actually probably doesn't care either way if le Leah had sent flowers but that since she's mad at Leah she's trying to find something to kind of like grill her over so what happened was Alexia had a big birthday party and Leah showed up and Marisol confronted her about it and Leah was like no I sent her to the house I sent cars to the house but Marisol kept on confronting her so then finally Leah just sort of like walked out of there and then marisol confronted her again and leah eventually that's when there was that ridiculous exchange where marisol was like you knew that i knew that you knew and leo's like i didn't know

that you knew that i knew that you knew that i know it's very strange it's hard to follow and so then leah leaves and then lisa is like marisol like what the fuck why are you doing that why you did it and then marisol was like why are you getting involved this has nothing to do with you stay out of your you know keep keep out of your own business or whatever stay mind your own business which i kind of agreed with marisol like this was not lisa's thing to jump up into but what I did not like was then that Anna our favorite Anna showed up and was then started getting mad at Lisa

for getting involved but it's like Anna what did you what were you there to do yeah you're standing right there with like literally with a drink and a straw watching like a bag of popcorn you know what I mean watching the whole thing go down so shut up and she was totally there to jump in. And if Leah hadn't gotten in that elevator, Anna would have been up her ass.

Yeah, exactly. And that's the thing. That's why I don't mind Lisa really being there because this has already happened. And you've got someone who's being, you know, she grabs her arm. She turns her around. She's following her through the party, trying to embarrass her in public again. And she's walking away. I again, and she's walking away. I mean, if someone's walking away, you just – haven't you learned on this show you don't follow them?

Yeah, you might get slapped. Now, to be fair, even though we're friendly with Leah, to be fair, there were some inconsistencies there that I didn't get. And maybe she was just flustered, and I was going to ask her this last night, but she didn't come. But, you know, things like saying, well, you know, everyone that mama elsa's special to me and we have a special relationship and then saying on her bra you know bravo blog well i barely you know i barely know mama elsa we've we've seen the only times we've even talked is when you've seen it on the show and maybe a couple times on the phone you know we've talked on the phone but it seems like there's maybe some backpedaling there which i don't know but i guess I'm of the opinion

that even if she never even called or sent a flower or even gave a shit, who cares? Like, Mary Soule's being a bitch, and she sent an email. I agree. You know, whatever. I agree. To me, it's just silly. It's just a fight I don't care about, about, you know, an old woman who most likely doesn't

care about it, and the only reason Mary Soule's even on this show is because her mom's entertaining enough for her to be. She has nothing to do, nothing to say. Get the fuck out of here, lady. And you know, also, if Leah had sent flowers or had visited Elsa, then Marisol would have been like,

she's so fake. How could she do that? We're in a fight. She says such mean things. And then she visits my mom in the hospital as if everything's okay. You know, there's no way to... Now she's trying to turn my own mother against me. Yeah, there's no way.

You can't win with these people. Yeah. You cannot win. And if you're Mary Sol, you just can't win in general. Because that is not... That is just a portrait of a non-win. Yeah. And it's a very waxy portrait at it. That is a very pulled back, giant-lipped portrait

of a non-win. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, it's not unlike the little spacecraft thing that Bowser Jr. flies around in Super Mario World. Take a look at it on the internet if you haven't seen. I feel really bad because Marisol's one of those people who's abused herself so

much that she can never do this. You know how hard that must be? I mean, what a hard life. It's difficult. It's very, very difficult. What a non-win of a life. How could she ever properly, vocally... Hey, Marisol. Get out of your pajamas. And do that thing with your lips.

That buh-buh-buh-buh-buh thing with your lips. Yeah. Sorry, Mom. Leah. Sorry, Mom. I'm Marisol. Ha-ha. Tricked ya. How fun Mary Soul. I tricked you.

How fun is that? I tricked Mama Elsa. No, I didn't bring you a card. Mary Soul. You see? She's the best. Sit down, shut up, and go brrrr. Brrrr. Could you imagine? Thomas Kramer demanding a raspberry?

Brrrr. Ah, shut up. Okay, so what else happened nothing let's go to New Jersey from Wondery this is Black History for Real I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Conscious Lee what do most people think about when they hear the words

Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app

or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by

the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world

of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.

Yeah. Yeah, as far as that whole thing, I don't know who's right or who's wrong. I'm just sick of hearing it. This fight is not good enough to last the whole season. And now we've not only got one annoying wedding, we have two terrible weddings that we have to sit through.

And I'm sorry to say this might be the last year of Miami. Sorry. That would be a bummer. But they messed up this year. They should have known better, like Richard Marks once sang, but they didn't. So let's go to the New Jersey reunion. Or as Michael Jackson once said, bad, bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad.

Yeah, okay. Or as Tina Turner once sang, you better be good to me. Real Housewives of Miami, you better be good to me. And as Celine Dion once sang, all by myself. Just want to be all by myself. Sometimes.

As Elton John once said, don't let the sun go down on you. As Marilyn Monroe once said, happy birthday, Mr. President. As Boy Meets Girl once sang, waitin' for a star to fall.

Waitin' for a star to fall. As my kindergarten teacher used to say, T for two and two for T. You for me, me for you, and you for me. As Dan Hill and Vonda Shepard used to sing, Can't we try just a little bit harder? Can't we try just a little bit more? Wow.

It's really profound. So, New Jersey Reunion. We don't need another hero. Okay, so New Jersey Reunion. I pretty much forget everything that happened. I thought it was a little bit of a wah-wah. There were some semi-tense moments, but generally everyone was kind of getting along.

Caroline had this cockamamie story about how uh when she talked about albie cheating that she's like do i think he cheated no but would i be a fool to say he's never cheated yes it's like what huh huh she's like i don't think he's cheated but i you know in 32 years of marriage, could he have cheated? Yes. What are you talking about, Caroline? Yeah, I have no idea what she was saying, except basically because Andy was calling her out on some interview that she gave where she basically said, you know, we've been married for a long time. He's probably cheated. Like, and not exactly those words, but enough to make everybody infer that that's what she was saying. And she's like, you're a troublemaker, Andy Cohen.

Well, you know, then don't talk. Just don't give interviews at all about anything. Yeah, that's a good place to start. Someone posted on our Facebook page that everyone knows he's been having an affair with some woman for five years and even mentioned this woman's name. Penny? Well, every man loves to run his fingers through some straw it's the penny the penny arcade um why who would have an affair with lb manzo for so long anyone who wants money to just walk down this you know walk around the halls of the brownstone holding some old man's hand you

never he you know even he could helicopter that thing for an hour straight he'd never get it hard right you know you know he just does not have the artery space to even fill his penis anymore half of his blood vessels are dead there's no way he's going to fill that penis he'd be the easiest guy to ever have an affair with it's like you know help clean his butt in the shower get his newspaper and change the channel for him when he needs it. So the other thing that was sort of noteworthy, I'm just looking through our Facebook page to see if anyone else pointed anything out from the reunion. And it doesn't look like anyone has anything to say about anything. Like, why can't Melissa just give a direct answer to the question of whether or not she's cheating?

Well, obviously, because she has cheated. That's an easy one. I liked when Joe Gorga said that he learned, I think he learned about, like, the hair thing from the gays, right? Wasn't he saying something about gays and then...

Oh, he's learned, you know, look, you're gonna learn about spray-on hair the same place you learned how to give a blowjob. At a gay bar. Yeah. It's the best place to learn about hair and blowjobs. Oh, yeah. I've seen him on Instagram with his wiener out. I mean, give me a break.

That guy is totally catering to the gays. And that's why he would never get married to anybody before. And he and Melissa were both strippers, and that's how they knew each each other and i'm sure they do have some kind of an open relationship because what strippers of puritan i mean come on yeah except for of course those strippers from the 1620s yeah of course well all they did all they did was take off the buckle from their shoes that was very scandalous yeah yeah their buckles would get all scabby and shit if they rubbed their foot on the wrong guy. One night only, Hester Prynne takes off her buckle. Yeah, that A is gonna come off.

That's right, everyone. We just mentioned Nathaniel Hawthorne's masterpiece on this podcast. We are no longer vapid. That's right. We are cultured bitches, you guys. We are cultured, scarlet-letter bitches. So anyway, what did you think about Dr. V showing up on this reunion? You know, Dr. V's such a hack. She's such a hack.

I mean, on her show, you know, that was all about psychiatry, she had to be naked as many times as possible, chain-smoking in her bathtub, trying to make Skinamax soft porn. Like, she is the neediest, most vapid person.

And I'm sorry, I don't want advice from someone like that. If you really need a really tiny cable audience to tell you you're pretty because you're naked, I have no respect for you. If you're going to be a whore, just be a whore. Yeah. What I didn't like about Dr. V was that when she was giving them therapy on the show, she seems semi-proficient. She seemed all right.

She seemed like she got them to cry and everything. She came on to the reunion and started throwing around all the kind of ridiculous phrases that make people hate therapy. She was saying things like, well, now that you have the emotional language, what I'm seeing here is a lot of healing. And it's like, shut up. Stop using these buzzwords and these phrases and saying things to make it sound like you did your job well.

Or whenever someone disagrees with her, she says things like, I hear that. Oh, shut the fuck up. Yeah, you hear it because i just said it yeah i see a lot of pain here and i'm i'm feeling the emotional language of hurt at the moment it's like shut up or when she's like well when i when you guys were talking to that woman with the straw hair but you were standing next to each other you were physically on the same side i thought we've made progress and i thought there was a fucking camera in the middle of them they had to stand like that yeah i'm like you know just because

two people wind up on the same floor tile does not mean that they're allied exactly these things sometimes it's called it's called hitting your mark it's called camera blocking yeah yeah exactly she's like what a remarkable You know, you've really learned the emotional language of physical language. Amazing how you both found your light around the same time in that argument. It's like you both saw the camera and knew if we both stand in front of us, in front of the camera, what a powerful statement that would make and convenient for the producers. Yeah, this cast does not need a nice, feeling, thoughtful woman. They need a Dr. Laura. They need someone who's going to be like,

Yes. You know, you fucked your brother when you were young. That was your first mistake. Now you wonder why you're acting like ex-boyfriend and girlfriend. Because you fucking are. So stop seeing each other. It's disgusting. Your parents hate you for a reason.

If they don't want to see you, they don't want to see you. It's your own damn fault. Fix your own fucking life. No one cares about your feelings. Stop embarrassing your children. Your wife is a stripper. If she doesn't want to see you, they don't want to see you. It's your own damn fault. Fix your own fucking life. No one cares about your feelings. Stop embarrassing your children. Your wife is a stripper. If she doesn't want that known, she shouldn't be on a TV show. Like, they need that.

I agree. And I think I would prefer Dr. Phil over Dr. V at this point. Dr. Phil would at least yell at them, I think. And he'd say things like, you know, even a fence got posts. Even a chair's got a kitchen. I mean, got a cushion. Chairs have kitchens, too. Don't realize it. Chairs have their own houses with a kitchen and a living room.

Are you going to be in that house? Sometimes you need to walk outside, see which way the wind's blowing, and just acknowledge that the wind's blowing that way because it's windy outside. You know, even a tree loses its leaves once a year. You know, even a tree loses its leaves once a year. You know, sometimes a door shuts, and then another door shuts, and you just open a window because you need some air.

Even the softest pillow is filled with down. How come you think they put wine in bottles? So it can't spill on the floor or else they're going to put it in a bottle. Come on, people, think. If you don't splash in the puddle, they're gonna put it in a bottle come on people think if you don't splash in the puddle it's just a pool of water it would honestly make more sense than everything that dr v was saying last night and she also came out looking like she was a pinup model which i suppose there's nothing wrong with that if you're a therapist there's nothing nothing says

you can't give out good therapy and look sort of semi-sexy but honestly dr v you're trying too hard you're trying too hard just like she was on that show it's you know and she actually seems like a girl that i would love to hang out with have some martinis with laugh our asses off because i really love love a sexually overactive, insecure, smart ass who's got a brain for a friend. And I think that she does. But it's just hard to take anybody that glaringly insecure seriously as a therapist. I just can't. For me, it's not even about the insecurities. It's just that I felt like when she came onto the stage, she felt like she had certain buzzwords and manufactured

phrases that I just thought were just full of it. I wish I'd written them down. They just sounded so ridiculous. They just sounded like a pamphlet about basic psychiatry. Well, one of my, and this kind of leads into a different subject, but one of my favorite things about this reunion

was how much everybody obviously hates her now because during the episode they loved her but now something has happened where they all hate her and i don't know when that happened i don't know if they met at some bravo function but they all hate her now and especially melissa and being like uh talk backy and saying well maybe that's how you and your husband reacts but this is is me and my husband. It's like, honey, you're going to argue with the shrink? I know. You're acting like such a fucking idiot.

There should be a reality show where they have shrinks and therapists and counselors and life coaches all come through. And whoever can fix these stupid people wins the prize. So I think you get Iyanla Van Zandt in there. You get Dr. Phil. You get Dr. Phil. You get Dr. V. You get the horse guy from Arizona. Put them all in there. And they each have to go through a different person.

And whoever can semi-fix them or get Teresa to be somewhat accountable for her actions wins $10,000. Well, this was Teresa's uh reunion of all time i mean talk about getting trained like they must have hired that horse person it's like if they can break a horse maybe you can break theresa yeah just like work with her shin or some shit for a month i don't know what happened there i've never seen theresa that i think they they probably had melissa gorga lift up theresa's foot and wipe the shit off of it. Did it until Teresa stopped kicking. It's like court, right?

You got to bring the evidence. What? Where did she learn that word? Like, how is this happening? What's happening to Teresa? I don't know. Did Joe Giudice say anything funny? I think he had, like, the shits at one point, right?

Yeah, that was, like, a little interstitial. He had to go poop. They showed a really hilarious clip of him and Rosie. Oh, yeah, that they were like buddy-buddy, which is hilarious. Which I love. That whole section, I was laughing my ass off. So it was actually kind of fun for me because it reminded me that New Jersey is a very funny show when it's on its game. Yeah. And I think that they could have struck that balance this

year, but it's just, it would be a different show. I mean, you follow around Joe and Rosie and Richie, who didn't even have the balls to show up, which I thought was hilarious. I think this show needs new blood. We've said it before. We'll say it again. We have another,

we have a part two coming up, which I don't know if it's going to be 90 minutes or an hour, but I guess they're going to have more talk about the lawsuits, and I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen. I wish Danielle Staub had showed up. I'm just so glad that this is the last time we have to sit through Caroline, Jackie, who has nothing to say,

possibly Teresa if she doesn't get thrown in jail or whatever. Because it's just, it's old. You know, and like, Kathy found her voice. And you know what? Just like every other housewife who found her voice, don't use it. Just be quiet. You're not here because you have a voice.

You're here because you ride a bike like Angela Lansbury in Murder, She Wrote, and it's cute. Just be quiet. Make it canola. Shut up. Well, I think this is the last we'll be seeing of Kathy, too. You ride a bike like Angela Lansbury in Murder, She Wrote, and it's cute. Just be quiet. Make a canola. Shut up. Well, I think this is the last we'll be seeing of Kathy, too. I was surprised she even got onto this season.

Anyway, I don't think I have any other thoughts on Jersey. I can't remember anything else. There's really not much. I mean, there was Jacqueline talking about her kid. Caroline talking about her non-affair. Melissa still is not a stripper. talking about her, I mean, Jacqueline talking about her kid, Caroline talking about her non-affair, Melissa still is not a stripper. Melissa talking about her music career as though it's a serious thing kills me. I think that's

hilarious every time I laugh. Oh, God. I think I zoned that part out. I guess the only other part that really struck me is Kathy sticking up for Richie, like, oh, he's just being funny. You know, a lot of times I can take that, but he really is nasty on Twitter, like calling women bitches and, like, oh, he's just being funny. You know, a lot of times I can take that, but he really is nasty on Twitter, like calling women bitches and, like,

going after all these chicks on Twitter. Yeah, he does cross the line a few times. I mean, the good news is that even though he is, like, a disgusting pig, on the other hand, I actually feel like he's semi-bright, and I do think he's a good guy deep down, and he's had enough moments where I like him

that I give him a little bit of a pass, but there are definitely things that he should not be saying and doing, and he needs to get a swift slap on the ass. Yeah, he needs to learn to keep it quiet over there. But yeah, I mean, otherwise, I don't really have a whole lot to say about Jersey. I hope it

picks up for the last episode. Me too. The Housewives, like two Housewives shows this week, and they were both, and you know what? We're really not that kind of podcast. It's like, this is terrible. We actually really like these shows. Yeah. And it's a shame when they're both bad

at the same time. It really is. So what about Top Chef? Did you see the Top Chef premiere? I did. I loved it. Yeah. So good. I love that it's going to be in New Orleans. And I love that they really localized that show with whatever city it takes place in. I think that that's so great. Yes, I agree.

Were there any contestants that you liked or disliked? You know, I don't really even remember them at this point. I remember that one of them is the blonde girl who is best friends with the winner of last season. Right. That got kicked off in the first episode. She's back. They gave her another chance, which is nice, because she looks like a really don't-fuck-with-me kind of lesbian

girl, so I kind of like that. Who else is there? There were these two local guys. I remember when I watched it i had there were some that i right away liked and some that i right away did not like and of course at this point i can't remember any of them i'm gonna bring up the website maybe that will help a little bit yeah there was like the local guy who wouldn't shut up and he's gonna be obnoxious and hard to watch what did you think about them letting the contestants see the judges' deliberations?

They only showed them the initial part, right? Did they get to watch the whole thing? Well, one thing that happened... Previously on the show, what happens is they eat the food, and while they're eating the food, they usually talk about their reactions right off the bat.

We usually see them talking about their responses at the event. And then we go to the judges' table and at the judges' table they call in their favorites, usually their first favorites, and then their least favorites, and then there's more deliberations. And I think this time around we saw

deliberations, and then the judges called people in, and then I think we went to eliminations. I could be wrong, but I think that's what happened. I like to see as many deliberations, and then the judges called people in, and then I think we went to eliminations. I could be wrong, but I think that's what happened. I like to see as many deliberations as possible. I do, too, because we don't get to taste the food, so it's the only way we ever really know what the hell's going on. Yeah, I agree. Oh, you know what?

What did you think about the gay chef? I feel like once again, gay's not... Well, there's two. There were two this time. And by the way, there was one really hot guy, I think, from Vermont. I'm trying to find him. They always look so different on the website. His name is Brett Palagi.

He barely got any screen time, but he was in the background at all times, and he looked super hot. And then the other gay guy, though, is Benedetto Bartolotta. Did he get kicked off this week? No, the one who got kicked off was someone who went to Thailand to fight. He was like, all I do is fight and cook. He's just gay-ish. Now there's this... Oh, you know who I like? I like Shirley Chung. She's the Asian

one. I like her. There's this asshole He's like... What did you think about him? Do you remember him? I'm sorry. I lost you for a second. So who now?

There's the hot guy who's the douche. His name is Jason Sachonsky. He's like the blonde guy, but he's like an asshole. Yeah. And he doesn't cook well. You know what? Again, I've said this before on this show, but your body looks amazing. Sorry about your face.

Your attitude is really shitty for someone who's, like, only moderately cute. Like, get over yourself. I think he's pretty hot. He's hot. He's hot. I'm sorry. He's got a good, like, chiseled face with, like, a nice. I don't think he's ugly.

I just don't think he's as hot as he seems to think he is. I think, like, he's one of those people who works out a lot, so he just thinks he's hot when he's kind of a beady-eyed, cross-eyed little fucker, and he needs to be nice to people. The woman who won this week was Nina Compton, and she is from St. Lucia. But I didn't realize until now, I was like, what country is she from?

Because I thought she was saying St. Lucia. And I was like, I don't know of a country named St. Lucia. Have I become dumb? Have I stopped knowing countries on this globe? But now I see it's from St. Lucia. Well, I don't know of a country named St. Lucia. Am I like, have I become dumb? Have I stopped knowing countries on this globe? But now I see it's from St. Lucia. Well, I don't even know that because I have not seen that on House Hunters International. And that is where my education comes from. And you're right to do that because that's the best way to learn about every exotic location that has palm trees.

Now, there's this woman, Sarah Johannes, or Johannes. palm trees um now there's this woman sarah johannes or johannes she's the one who's like um i work at the airport and i just want to do this because it's just i want to get out from my boss's shadow and he's like well who's your boss uh wolfgang puck i'm like shut up don't do that you know what anybody who works in a california pizza kitchen can say that you mean a wolfgang puck cafe well isn't california pizza kitchen his no no it's not what is his doesn't he have like a pizza place or something wolfgang puck cafe oh it's just called wolfgang pucks yeah so yeah any old bus boy could come on the show and say that like get over it and stop dressing like you're in 1950 i know i'm stop that. I'm not into the rockabilly thing. I find it to be very annoying.

That was a time before women had equal rights. It's a time when everybody just ate better all the time and nobody trimmed their pubic hair. Why do we need to return there? Can we just let it go? Yeah. Now, there's this one woman, Janine Booth, who looks like Carrie Underwood, and she was basically in a min mini skirt and heels in the kitchen oh she's australian she's the obligatory everyone hates me because i'm so pretty but at least shut up but you know what though at least she is hot remember casey from a few seasons ago and she's like well somewhere along the way i got labeled the hot one which i really don't

appreciate i'm like no casey you're not the hot one yeah no one has ever used that i mean literally it was summer like it was summer and you were in the 105 degree heat and you came in purple and people said oh my god she's hot like they thought like you were temperature wise hot like they thought you were running a fever that no one actually thought you were like sexy casey yeah you sat on the oven when it was turned on on accident. Like, you were hot. By the way, this is sort of tangential to this, but it pertains to Top Chef. Which is, have you seen those awful, awful commercials for who knows what?

Which has Carla and Rocco's faces put onto little kids' bodies and they talk about eating macaroni or something? No. Oh, yes! Oh, those are the worst they are the creepiest and you know i uh got one to put on instagram but i couldn't even think of a caption like i couldn't even think of a bitchy caption to put on it because it's that fucking creepy here's the way that commercial sucks here are the different ways first of all it's creepy to look at second of all they're bad actors. Second, third of all, their repartee

is very poorly written. So it's like not even, it's can't even be, it's just terrible. And so on top of that, you have the bad acting. It's, it's horrific. Third of all, they obviously film this on a green screen or whatever. They don't even sync it up so the timing sounds like a normal banter. It's like, Carla says something like, hey, can I see that? And then there's like a three-second pause, and Rocco's like, no. It's just – it's awkward and creepy and terrible. And on top of that, I don't even know what it's for. It's like soup or something, I think. I thought it was like pasta or like Bertoli or macaroni and cheese.

It's honestly the worst commercial on air right now. It's a really – it's really hard to watch it it's really an awkward awkward thing to have to watch because Carla's kind of homely anyway and then Rocco's you know fallen from grace a little bit and it's just kind of like why do you need to make these two creepy or you don't

just have them cook something and just stop stop we don't need to see what they would look like as children with adult heads yeah I don't need to see that it just look like as children with adult heads. Yeah, I don't need to see that. It just makes me hate children even more. Okay, so what about... I don't hate children. I don't know why I said that.

I feel like on this show, I seem like I would hate children, but I don't. I really like them. I actually generally dislike children. I dislike children. That's why every... That's why every, like, once every, like, six weeks or eight weeks or so, I pop up on 2020 or on Nightline or on MSNBC, and they show the video of me rolling my eyes at a baby crying. Do you know about that? No.

You don't know about this? No. One time I was on an airplane, and I was behind this toddler that was crying and crying and crying and screaming. Four and a half hours went by and the parents did nothing. This was not the toddler's fault, to be honest. The parents just sat there. I remember the dad did a crossword puzzle and the mom was like reading a book. They like acted as if they had like, they didn't have a toddler. They had like a, like a glass of soda there, you know, they didn't take the kid walking around or anything. It was so annoying that at one point i took out my laptop and i turned on the webcam and i recorded just me reacting to this baby so when you see the video you can hear

this baby crying and you see me like rolling my eyes and be like oh so i just made this little video i put it on youtube and somehow it got picked up by cnn and cnn did a story about like um you know traveling etc etc so like overnight i got 40 000 views and shitload of comments and now it's like it's like the go-to video for producers if they ever are doing a story about traveling it's like oh summer travel season oh hilarious thanksgiving i get an email being like hey can we show this on nightline tonight can we show this on 2020 like it's been so funny i even wound up i was on fox and friends because of this video do you know that no i was a guest on fox and friends and they they had me on there uh because there was a some story about how certain airlines are have are being accused of having baby ghettos

where they put all the babies in the back and and whether or not this is fair and just. And so I was like, yeah! And they put me on against a mommy. It was amazing. Oh, God. What'd she say? She was against it, but actually, at the end of the day, the mommy and I were on the same wavelength, which is just that we want parents to be more respectful of the people around

them and take care of their kids and make sure they're not crying, make sure their kids are comfortable. Yeah, I mean, it is rough because my two nieces are pretty young, and when they're babies and your baby freaks out in the middle of a store, it's mortifying. But the parents take it outside until it shuts up. They really make an effort to be good, and it does make me crazy seeing parents who don't give a shit. Did you read that article that was going on around Facebook a couple weeks ago? It's a blog written by a parent, and he was in some store, and this woman's kid was going crazy, and someone made a comment to him like, oh, fucking kids, right? And he was writing this blog as a tirade against that jerk who said fucking kids, right? Like, you don't know what it's like, you with your selfish fucking life giving nothing back to the world. And it was like this pro-parent blog.

And, you know, all my mommy friends were retreating it. And I was like, I'm with that dude. Yeah, I'm sorry. Well, the comments on the YouTube video at first were very pro-parent, pro-baby. People leaving stupid things like, you know, you were a kid once also. You were a baby once, as if that somehow fixes the situation. Like, oh, you know what? I forgot I was a baby at one

point in my life. That's okay. Never mind. I identify with that bawling and that screaming. Guess what? I was a well-mannered baby. Yeah, I was a baby, and my mom had a fucking wooden spoon in the glove compartment, and if I acted up, I got that shit all up in my, well, not in it, but, but you know i got a red ass yeah so um so a lot of the comments were like that and i got a vicious piece of uh hate mail once which i read on banter with ben and

lisa y'all can go find that you can find that that episode but um but actually over the past year and a half the comments on youtube have started to move the other way. And now people are really like, shut that baby up. Stupid parents. Parents are so entitled. Because you know what? There are a lot of entitled parents out there. My video was not so much anti-baby. It was anti-bad parents.

It's the parents. Yeah, it really is. Parents really think that they feel like we have to have a special amount of of um understanding for them or we don't understand how hard it is guess what people have been doing this since the dawn of time it's literally why we are here because they've been parents and we like good parents but nowadays people are like i have to get my baby bjorn out i don't even know what that means that's that thing where they strap it around themselves and they carry their baby around no i know i'm saying i don't even know what that means. That's that thing where they strap it around themselves and then they carry their baby around. No, I know. I'm saying I don't even know what my comment meant.

I just did the drunk uncle from SNL. I was like, oh, where's my baby Bjorn? What I just said was as bad as what people say about me. The point is this. I do think a lot of parents are entitled, and I think that they act as if they are at the front lines of a war, and they just have to man up and do what it takes to be a parent so that we don't have spoiled kids that go running around and scream all over the place. Well, and then you don't have kids like Alexia's

who are out fucking punching homeless people in the balls and beating cabs and acting like a bunch of dicks because their parents... You know, Alexia was probably one of those. Like, to bring it back around to Bravo shows. Yes. How do you think all these fucking morals were created? By shitty parents. Absolutely. So, on that all these fucking morals were created? By shitty parents. Absolutely.

So, on that note. So, let's get back to Top Chef. Do you have more of the contestants? Because I like this of being reminded who the contestants are. Oh. I don't. Let's see. I think I've gone through all the noteworthy ones.

There's some other ones. Oh, there's a guy, Carlos Gaetan. He's the one who already has a Michelin star. So, here's my other thing about Top Chef. Here's another thing. It's awesome that they're one who already has a Michelin star. So here's my other thing about Top Chef. Here's another thing. It's awesome that they're getting these chefs who have Michelin stars, but at what point did they stop being Top Chef worthy? If you have a Michelin star, shouldn't that get you in the running for Top Chef Masters?

I feel like Top Chef should be a place for up-and-coming chefs. Back in the day, they had a culinary student, they had a caterer, they had people who were just cooking from home, they had amateurs. And it was fun to see who would emerge. Now they all are very professional. And now when they have Michelin stars, and this is not the first season that that's happened, I wonder at what point, what's the delineation between Top Chef and Top Chef Masters? Well, I think they're cutting it close. I think on Top Chef Masters, they're just allowed to be boring at this point.

You know, they're like a classier group where if someone has a Michelin star on Top Chef, they've probably got like a crazy edge to them where they're like, well, let's throw them in there. They'll act like an asshole. But also, I think the biggest difference between when this show started and what it is now, and it really is a huge difference, is that now there are agents. Every chef has an agent. Yeah. difference is that now there are agents every chef has an agent yeah and they go all they really do is go on these reality shows like frank from season two of top chef he was terrible i mean he was awful it would it put a bad taste in your mouth to even look at his food it was disgusting he's like doesn't know what he's doing he doesn't know how to talk like he's just a fucking idiot this guy i see him on the food

network all the time he's one of the chefs who gets kicked off of chef wanted with amberrell and he's one of the chefs that gets kicked off of chopped or whatever it is like his whole career is going around pretending he's an amateur or whatever on these stupid cooking shows and so the casting they don't do the same thing where they say we're going to have auditions and cooks from all over the place come it's like now we're having a casting call and have your agent call us. Absolutely. Absolutely. How's an Applebee's chef supposed to get an agent? Question for the ages. And I think on that question and on that note, I think we should wrap things up. All right, let's do it. Yeah, not a whole lot happened just because it was the first Top Chef.

Yeah, it takes a few weeks to sort of get into the characters and for us to start really bitching about these people in a fun way. So anyway, this has been a super fun podcast. It's fun to get back to our basics. Sorry for those of you who want to see our faces. If you want, you can just open up an international mail catalog, and that's a good approximation of what you would be seeing totes yeah um and also we'll still do the occasional like special event thing you know yeah we're still thinking of ways where we can do um have a video presence but you know we've experimented with different things and we're

going to see what we can do um to make it stick in a way that also won't burn us out. So in the meantime, you can follow Ronnie at TrashTweetTV on Twitter. His website is TrashTalkTV.com. You can find me at B-Side Blog on Twitter and Instagram and all those fun places. And my website is B-SideBlog.com. And please follow us or like us on Facebook. Facebook.com forward slash watch what crap. A lot of people are on there. We have over 2,000 likes

which is amazing and people are like active and talk and they put gossip up there. We put pictures and screen grabs up there so there's content all week long that you should be following and enjoying and taking part of and contributing to. And feel free to leave us a review part of and contributing to um and uh feel free to uh leave us a review on itunes and remember to subscribe on itunes and on soundcloud or stitcher wherever

you want we need more subscribers that way people think we're important and then we get access to cool things so and then the cool things we then of course will report back to you guys about here so tell your friends if you if you have it on sound your friends. If you have it on SoundCloud, share it on Facebook. Make sure everyone knows because we're desperate. We need to be loved. So on that note, thanks everyone so much for listening.

And I guess we'll chat next week. Bye, Ronnie. We'll see you next time. Bye, Ben. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye, Ronnie.

We'll see you next time. Bye, Ben. Thank you. Bye. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the Internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years.

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