Watch What Crappens - #98: RHONJ Ends, RHOM Drags, Top Chef Kills a Hot Person

Episode Date: October 16, 2013

Who says hot people have it easy? Not on Top Chef, they don't! Plus, Real Housewives of New Jersey ends and we get to say goodbye to Jaqueline, Kathy and Caroline. We do it with giant shrugs. Real Housewives of Miami had the wedding from hell this week, and it managed to be incredibly painful to watch. How the hell did that happen? Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) are on the scene to investigate. Come hang out with us during the week to talk crap about Bravo shows on our facebook (http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens) page, and find show announcements on our Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/whatcrappens) feed. Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all the crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV, and I'm here with Ben Mandelker from B-Side Blog. Hello, Benjamin. Well, hello there. Welcome back, everybody. It was a really busy week on the Brabs, but before we start, I'll

give you our info. You can find the site I run, Trash Talk TV, at trashtalktv.com, or on Instagram at instagram.com slash trashtalktv. I have a bunch of spoof videos on my YouTube, which is youtube.com slash trashtalktv ve spelled there and you can find Ben on Instagram vine Twitter Facebook LinkedIn probably any any any social media playing true at b-side blog okay guys so yeah well yeah yeah right okay so what do you want to any social media places you can find him at B-Side blog. Okay, guys? I'll do that. Will you? Okay, so what do you want to talk about today? A lot of crap happened. Do you want to start

with some gas? Yeah, let's start with some gossip. There's so much gossip. Of course, I can't remember any of it right now, but luckily we have our trusty Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch where crap ends, where everyone just keeps posting all these great pieces of gossip. So let's see.

Was there any that was like really pressing off of your head, Ronnie? There is some good stuff. Well, we talked about, you know, there's that website. I think it's called all about the real housewives.

Now I don't know why they post shit five weeks late, but they posted something today saying Jacqueline Loretta is not returning to. Yes. I read that. Well, congrats. We heard that I think two weeks ago, but yeah. something today saying Jacqueline Loretta is not returning to it. Yes, I read that. Well, congrats. We heard that, I think, two weeks ago. Yeah, and Kathy's been demoted to friend of housewife, which of course is a rumor last season, but it seems even more likely this season, or this

interim. Yeah, and Caroline is also for sure not returning now. Yeah, she actually wrote a statement now. In fact, Reality Blurred posted her explanation for why she's leaving, and she said something along the lines of I was doing it because it was fun

and I was being true to myself, and it became something I was excited to show all my friends and family, and now it's become something that I'm embarrassed about, and I don't want to be embarrassed, I don't want to be smirched my name, I don't want to have to hide this from my kids, etc., etc. And then she's like, but don't worry, I have a new show besmirch my name. I don't want to have to hide this from my kids, et cetera, et cetera. And then she's like, but don't worry. I have a new show coming out with my son.

So way to go, Caroline. Way to protect your image and to take on privacy by the horns. Yeah, that's a really long way of saying my husband just got cheating on me with someone for five years. And I don't want to talk about that shit or his mob connections on TV. Okay, thanks. Love, Caroline. Yeah, that's pretty much the way it goes uh a good one from real housewives of atlanta that olivia posted for us uh nini and marlo got in a fight so bad on the set of real housewives of atlanta that marlo got fired

wow haven't these bitches learned yet that you cannot fight with nini wait why was i thought marlo was already off uh real housewives of of Atlanta. We didn't even see her last season. She was back as a friend of this year. No, but I mean, she was always a friend of. Yeah, but she wasn't last year. She wasn't on at all last year. She wasn't on, so meaning that this year she's back, this season she's back as a friend of, and then she'll be unfriended.

Yeah, she did Nene's wedding show, and she started getting in that fight with that cow Diana, which which i'm sorry to call her a cow but oh my god i don't even mean in the fat way i mean in like the bitchy way where she's like that girl doesn't deserve to be a bridesmaid i'm a better friend to you it's like oh my god i don't know if you've ever been a bridesmaid but it's a bitch when that starts i thought i thought you meant like a cow like in the literal way like she was actually lactating everywhere just milk buckets and buckets of milk. I do not appreciate how production had to

keep her pregnant to keep milk flowing. Just cruel. Just very cruel. Doesn't she realize that people don't even like dairy anymore these days? Dairy's so out. So not paleo. Yeah, so wrong. So gone. Actually, dairy is paleo, isn't it?

I don't know, guys. I'm a vegan now, so I. So gone. Actually, dairy is paleo, isn't it? I don't know, guys. I'm a vegan now, so I care about the rainforest. So that's all I'm saying. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I don't have milk in my apartment, but that's only because I have no need for it, really. But I do eat. I have a lot of dairy.

In fact, my dinner last night was 75% cheese. Big wedge of cheese. Okay, well, you know, next time I drive past a completely barren rainforest, I will send you regards. Alright there. Alright there. Sounds good. But yeah, people need to learn not to fuck with

NeNe because it's the charade. She will charade your ass. Absolutely. Because charade did not get fired because she was boring or had nothing to say or any of the normal housewives reasons sheree was a wonderful train wreck to watch she gave us some of our best housewives lines of all time and she was to the point where she was sleeping on the mattress and digging a hole in the ground that she couldn't afford that was that was reality

tv gold but she and in that hole she parked her aston Aston Martin. Her brand new Aston Martin. So they couldn't repossess it. Yeah. Poor Sharae. But she messed with NeNe, bitch. And so apparently did Barlow. And it got so bad that there were bottles being thrown and apparently NeNe punched a producer in the face saying, I made you, bitch.

You respect me. Or something like that. Let me tell you something. NeNe has not made anyone. The only person she's ever made is maybe some clay figurine that she made at some crafting course at some point in her life. Nini Leakes, I'm sorry,

you do not make a single person. You are a reality star. You had a crossover into Glee and into your own sitcom. Maybe you will be a sitcom actress, but even as a sitcom actress, you are still a reality star. From the real house of Atlanta, you don't make people.

Well, she made that kid who's getting thrown in jail all the time, so there's that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. She makes that. She makes children who are on weed and have terrible braids and...

Oh, that's terrible. I shouldn't make fun of him. He seems nice. Bryson! He seems nice and like the friend who will always give you weed even though you know that he's paying for it. Actually, her other son is good.

Her other son is good. Wait, is the good son Bryson or is the bad son Bryson? I don't know. I don't remember. Bryce. Bryce. I think Bryce might be the good son and then the bad one is... I don't know. No,'t remember. Bryce. Bryce. I think Bryce might be the good son.

And then the bad one is... I don't know. No, the good son is Macaulay Culkin. Let's not forget our roots. And Elijah Wood is the bad son. She gave birth to Macaulay Culkin and Elijah Wood. Oh my god. She did make someone. She made two Hollywood legends.

She's like, I know you didn't take that bowling ball and throw it off in the highway. Okay, this is something on our Facebook. I'm sorry. You see how I missed that? Because I'm reading the Facebook. You know, just like in real life.

Look how much shit I've missed because I'm sitting here reading a fucking Facebook post. That's okay. Sorry, Ben. This is from Derek. And he posted, I know you guys hate the new Atlanta, but I fully expect a segment on the podcast

dedicated to the brawl in the bathroom. All right. So I tried watching that again right before this. Wait, wait, wait. Derek, this is the segment right now about the brawl in the bathroom, okay? This is my contribution. A what?

Well, I haven't watched him in so long um that i had to to i read this yesterday so i had to try and get a few episodes and i have no idea what order they're in but i just watched one where that africa girl was fighting with trophy wife but it wasn't in a bathroom they were just at coffee and then they were both talking over each other and they're like i'm over it and she's like i'm over it and then that was it so i don't i don't know but um basically my feelings uh for that show were the same as they were before i watched the episode which is basically i can't i just can't i can't that show is basically like a sassier version of a different world more more or less. With way worse talking. Yeah. It does need some Jasmine Guy and some Dwayne Wayne, that's for sure.

Four roles. And someone in a military outfit for no good reason. Yeah, and that girl Denise looking like she's over it, even though she's handed money for basically sitting there and squinting. What does she ever do? You know what this show needs? It needs a young Marissa Tomei.

This show needs some jello pudding pops. Oh, wow. We are making some deep, deep, different world jokes here, people. Anyway, so that concludes our segment on the bathroom brawl. Oh, no. Oh, yeah, on the bathroom brawl, yes.

But there's some more on the Facebook page. There is Jill Zarin's camel toe. Yeah, that's a real beaut. Which is frightening. So thank you to everybody who posted that. It looks like the eye of Mordor without the pupil. It looks like a kind of deflating pool toy where it starts creasing in different places. It looks like that space in between my mattress and my box

ring where I've tucked in the fitted sheet. It looks like where I've gained a lot of weight and I've got my armpit skin close to my boob skin and there's just like all these folds. It looks like one of those horror movies where someone takes a plastic bag and slips it over

someone's face and you see someone breathing and there's sort of this plastic over their mouth and there's a little bit of condensation but it's like going face, and you see someone breathing, and there's plastic over their mouth, and there's a little bit of condensation, but it's going in and out a little bit. I think it's like putting a rubber band around your weenus, which is all that skin of your elbow. It looks sort of like Jabba the Hutt contemplating something. On his side.

Okay, I think that should end what the Jill Zarin camel toe looks like. Speaking of Real Housewives of New York, did we talk last week about Ramona and the fact that Mario has been alleged to have impregnated a girl, a woman? No, we didn't talk about that. She put out some sort of crazy-eyed tweet that said,

he did not, he didn't do that. What, what, what? Rejuvenated. I'm sorry, that's de classe. I'm sorry. You know, my mother always told me to always make up my own gossip because you can never rely on a man to do it yourself. And that's what I've done. I've made my own gossip, and I'm here to tell you

it's all gossip and déclassé. Why are these people always attacking me? All these people, all the time, all they want to do is attack me. Why do they attack me? What do they want from me? Calm down! Calm down! What am I supposed to do with these people? He didn't impregnate a girl. Now, did he date a girl? Did he

put his penis in a girl? I don't know. I'm not around him 24 hours a day. Is that what I'm supposed to do? Am I a brain security guard now? No. I'm not around him 24 hours a day. Is that what I'm supposed to do? Am I a brain security guard now? No, I'm a working woman. I'm a very busy woman. I don't have time to look at him all day long to see what he's doing. I can tell you this.

There's no baby. I'm not paying for a baby. If there was a baby, I'd be paying for the baby. What does America want me to do? Do they want me to put up a banner? Want me to put up a banner saying, thank you, America.

Thank you, America, for flying down here to the Virgin Islands and delivering this terrible gossip, America. I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry. That's not what I'm going to do. And I'm not a drunk. I like to have my wine.

What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? Make a banner? Make a banner that says, Welcome to the baby? Hey, hey, welcome. Welcome to this baby that's not mine that I'm going to have to care for for the rest of my life.

Here's the banner. Here's a party. Here's a parade for the baby that's not mine. But you know who has a baby? Luanne, because she's a slut. I wish that Mario, I wish that Mario did have a baby so that I could show it to Luann and say, ha-ha, my husband could have a baby and you couldn't, because you're drier than the river.

I can't think of a dry river. Damn geography! Ruined it all! You know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't know geography. Like, I'm sorry. I'm just, you know, what I do know is I know sorry. I'm sorry I don't know geography. Like, I'm sorry. I'm just, you know,

what I do know is I know fashion. I've been doing this for 20 years and you have to put all your logos on the right in a big font

and I'm sorry. That's just the way it is and if you don't do it that way, it's day class A. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hopefully, someone will be teaching geography

next time I'm at the Learning Annex. They'll be right after me and I can just stay a little bit longer drinking a little Ramona Pino and listen to things about geography and then I'll know about geography. But right now, right after me. And I could just stay a little bit longer, drinking a little Ramona Pino, and listen to things about geography, and then I'll know about geography. But right now, I don't. All I know is that Mario

didn't get anybody pregnant, and there's no baby that looks like Mario in any teenager. And Luan's a slut. I'm sorry, I'm honest. And Luan's a slut. So, okay, so that happened. Oh, Ramones. Um, Newlywed's back. Well, do you believe it? Do you think that he did impregnate somebody

oh yeah for sure totally right listen you don't hawk all that religious jewelry without being totally unfaithful true yeah like the only reason why people make religious jewelry is to make up for the fact they are sinning left and right yeah amen brother i never got a blowjob i still to this day have not had a blowjob as good as they were in Catholic school. Yeah. I never went to Catholic school. Well, you missed out. I imagine.

It was just a wonderful cocktail of saliva and guilt. Well, my best friend was Jewish and went to Catholic school with me, and I had to go to synagogue with him, and trust me, the blowjobs were better at Catholic school. Oh. Yeah, I can see that. Your people? Your people better at business, though. Well, I feel like,

I feel like the synagogue blowjobs are all like Woody Allen. Like, all right, so you want, you know, so you want me to take this? All right, I'll take it in. I'll take it. Yeah, I'll put it in my mouth.

All right, I'll suck it. You want to suck it a little bit? Am I doing it right? Is this how you like it? I don't know. I'm bored with this. This could be better. Sure, sure.

I'll put it in my mouth. Sure. It tastes wonderful. I'll put it in there like what you i i'm not i don't want to gag i don't want to set up my say attica you know i'm slowly veering into my is this gluten-free because this could this could seriously mess with my celiac disease you know i gotta speak to my analyst about this i have dreams of of phalluses coming towards my mouth every day and i think of my mother

and my mother's saying, don't do that. You're supposed to have your matzo ball soup. That was like a Regis Philbin does Woody Allen impersonation. I've never actually done a Woody Allen impersonation, which is odd. I think I just go, sure, sure. It's because you've already got so many uncles like that. My uncles are actually very much not like Woody Allen,

but they're like a different breed of Jewish. It's hard to describe. I once saw this chart that was but they're like a different breed of Jewish. It's hard to describe. I once saw this chart that was like, here's the different kinds of Jewish guys. And it was, you know, like famous characters. There was Woody Allen. There was Tevye. Yeah, those are my uncles right there. Tevye.

There was like Rick Moranis from whatever. It just kind of lined them up. And I was like, wow, that's not very flattering. But you know what? To make up for it, I have to watch the Shazza Sunset commercial. And I'm offended by that and I'm not even Iranian. So there you go. Thanks. Now why are you offended by it?

Because it's brown people looking stupid. I don't know. I feel like brown people should make more of an effort. I thought you said round people. Look at me. Well, round people too. Yeah, that shows bad for Lebanese people even though none of them are Lebanese. And it's also bad said round people. Look at me. Well, round people, too. Yeah, that show's bad for, like, Lebanese people, even though none of them are Lebanese. And it's also bad for fat people. So that show offends me on multi-levels. Yeah, it's like the Middle Eastern version of Veruca Salt.

Isn't that Veruca Salt who got all pudgy? Or is that Violet in... Whatever, I can't even... Violet. Violet, you're turning Violet, Violet. That's right. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Yeah. It'll be

what's the name of the main guy? Reza and the Pomegranate Factory. Yeah, you know how there's that thing? I remember in the Orange County 100th episode when they were saying, how has this changed your life? And Vicky was like, well, I remember after season

one, everyone went on a diet. Because, you know, you see yourself on TV. And then everyone's talking about how they got skinny. And I was like, yeah, somehow that does not work for the Shaws of Sunset cast. That's just not how it works. They still remain the only cast that has actually had a gigantic buffet of food in front of them during a reunion. And a buffet in which they all picked at it the entire time. And got dry cookie all over their blouses.

Yeah, the only change they make, Rez is like, I'm going to comb my mustache. The show's about to start. And Mercedes is just going to get better hair for a day. That's it. And Rez is like, oh, you know what? I got myself a new gingham shirt to go with my diagonal gingham tie. Homegirl, better put that on me right now. I'm going to put it on right now.

I don't know what I'm saying. We don't have to yet because that show's not back for another couple weeks. I know. My res is rusty, too. You know, all my impersonations are just really sucking today. Did you hear my nini earlier? Ugh, it was awful.

I can't do a nini. No one can do a nini except for nini. Yeah, nini's... Yeah, you can just make noises. You just sound like you're a reject from the gods. You must be crazy. Just make a lot of noises. Yeah.

Okay, so I think that pretty much ends up our gossip for the day. Does it or does it not? Yeah, why not? Let's just finish it up. I mean, let's end it. Okay, thank you guys for listening we're out of here bye all right so i watched three bravo shows this week i watched uh real house house of miami new jersey and i watched top chef which one do you want to start with um well that completely left out all the bravo shows that i possibly watch this week which you, if I watch a lot of shows that I don't get to talk about on this podcast,

it pisses me off, because that's a lot of my time. Because those are the shows that we watched last week, so that's why I watched them again this week. No, none of them I didn't. I was just saying I would have been mad if I had watched those shows. But I didn't. You didn't watch Top... Oh, no, I watched Top Chef. No, I watched all those shows. I'm just saying I didn't watch

any other shows off the beaten path. I was just throwing attitude because I could for a second. It felt good. Oh, because Matt's not here. Yeah, I was being a diva. It's like a big black hole of diva that's gone without you, Matt. I know, Matt. So, wait, did you watch The People's Couch this week?

Because I forgot to watch it. No, I didn't. But Ben and I, that's me and you, we were talking to those guys on Twitter the other day, that was fun the gays only the gays we only talked to the gays yeah they were super nice because i guess they listened to this show and heard us being mean about them but we weren't actually being mean about them we were actually being yeah i think so that's sort of our charm you know yeah we called them pretty so they were okay with it so yeah i support them wholly. I wish them the best.

Still didn't watch it, though. I just forgot to. It wasn't out of any boycott or animosity. Yeah, me too. I have them both. I have them... You know, here's the thing. Like, we're in a weird situation in the TV landscape because it's fall.

And in the summer, I'll watch whatever Bravo shit they put out. I mean, even New Atlanta I was watching, and I hated that show. But now it's fall. I mean, just on Sunday night alone, there's nine hours of TV that I watch. I have to spread that out. And so, you know, shows like about people sitting around watching TV really, to me, aren't

as attractive as The Good Wife. That being said, I still feel very committed to doing The People's Couch Couch, which I think we should do maybe sometime this week. We better hurry, because they've only got three. Their next one is Sunday, so we've got to get together. I wonder how it's doing in the ratings. I don't know. Matt's not here. Again,

a giant hole of nothing without Matt. Big hole. For those of you who are listening to this podcast for the first time, hi, welcome! We really are this obnoxious. And we usually have a third, and his name is Matthew. And Matthew's our little, our sweet little pill.

He's our jagged little pill. Yeah, he's our jagged little pill. And he's been ditching us the past couple of weeks. I'm not really sure why, but I think he's breaking up with us, and we're just going to see how that plays out. I think he's going all Caroline Manzo on us. Yeah. But with less ham.

And with less spinoff. Yeah, Matt, don't quit your day job until you get a spinoff. Haven't you learned that? Yeah. Matt! Matt! So let's go on to Real Housewives of Miami because that was the most recent thing we watched. That was the most recent thing we watched. That was last night. So this week's episode was the much-hyped first wedding of the season,

which was Adriana's ridiculous affair. I was furious. This episode made me so, so, so mad. And the reason why is because Adriana is such a fucking prima donna bitch. How could you do that to your guests you can't she is okay here's a here's here's the nitty-gritty of it lay it lay it out here we go here we go first of all she has the um the audacity to make her guests have a costume change they have to bring two different outfits one a white fit for the reception.

One, a Gatsby outfit for, I'm sorry, for the ceremony was white Gatsby for the reception. Okay. That's really, really annoying, especially because there's nowhere for people to change, et cetera, et cetera. Okay, fine. And there's also like two hours in between. So there's not enough time really to get to your hotel and get back, whatever. Really annoying.

She shows up to her own wedding you know the wedding i think was supposed to start at five and right workman over there what's going on over there oh yeah uh there's a construction site across the way and uh there here comes a helicopter too i live in a war zone and so what happens is there's a lot of building and then destroying yeah ben's doing this from iraq this is actually an army helicopter i'm not even joking so you know i've seen those over the city lately what the fuck is with that these big giant army helicopters i don't know you know my hobby is reading conspiracy websites so i'm like oh my god fema camp here we go here we go fema camp

oh okay so i'm sorry go ahead okay so okay her ceremony was supposed to begin at five i believe and i think she didn't walk down the aisle until around 6 30 or so somewhere around there or maybe it was six and she didn't walk down until 7 30 she made her guests wait in that church for an hour and a half have i don't know if you've ever been to a wedding and when it's like a minute late i'm already already getting antsy. You're sitting in an uncomfortable pew. That church looked hot and humid. I was furious just at that alone. That alone got me mad. Oh, yeah. That is some rude bullshit. And you know what? People need to understand, and this is to all the people who haven't been married yet but who probably will get married

one day, you're not doing me a favor by inviting me to your wedding. I'm doing you a favor by coming. I'm looking decent. I've hopefully brought you some gifts, which, you know, I mean, with me, you can always count on that, I'm not going to lie. I've spent money on a plane ticket, perhaps. Yes, I'm taking time out of my, I could be in bed.

At the very least, I could be in bed right now, like, looking at sexy pictures of boys. I'm for you you are not doing me a favor by making me sit through this hot sweaty bullshit wearing some white suit because who has a white suit so i just had to go to the fucking men's warehouse like rental department to get this ugly ass suit for you and then you show up an hour and a half late and there's no gay people here except me i mean who the hell am i supposed to talk to yeah that that was infuriating and she she shows up in a big wedding dress which you know i like the look of it but i have to say the gray i thought it looked like she had just been rolling around in some ashes that looked like the that looked like dirty swan it's like the sequel to black swan black Black Swan was so evil and crazy that they can't do that again, so it's just

mediocre. Grey Swan. Yeah, Grey Swan. Dirty Swan. Grey Gardens. Dishwater Swan. It looked like my feet after I walked around on my balcony. Just grey and sooty and disgusting and I need to wash it off. It looked like a really bad costume for the ghost in Fiddler on the Roof.

It looked like it was made out of pigeon feathers. Yeah. That was really stupid, really ugly, and then she was having a fit about her veil, and so she ripped it up. Yeah. I mean, she's a girl's shit.

It wasn't up to her standards. That's not to my standards. I told you what I wanted 25 times, and now I have to do everything by myself. I'm so stressed out. I have to do everything by myself. I'm so stressed out. I have to do everything. Now, I have to be the stylist for son. I have to be the stylist.

Oh, she was. Adriana is just an awful fucking C word. You know, it says a lot about a person when their own family doesn't come to the wedding. Exactly. I get that her dad's dead, okay? So he has an excuse. And you know that he's up in heaven grateful for that like thank god lord took me when i did because i didn't have to endure this shit her mom didn't show up her sisters only one of her sisters showed up the

other one didn't show up because she had kids who doesn't fly to their sister's wedding because they have kids she didn't show up because you're a bitch okay yeah yeah she really glossed over that but you know that there's more than meets the eye and the sister that was there barely even spoke and she was also adriana pre-surgery and it was like why couldn't you have just been happy with that you probably were nicer listen when you when you're someone who has a best friend that you've just basically you haven't even invited to your own wedding and then all of a sudden your mom's not there and your sister and your nieces and nephews you know there's a story you know that leah is not the only one who has borne the brunt of of her craziness in this in this situation although i

say bore the brunt as if leah is actually getting hurt by this i think leah wound up on the winning side of the situation because she got to eat a meal at a decent hour well actually now that we brought her up i don't think that she's really getting the good side because those girls i mean that cuban gang they do not fucking stop man so this week there's this this is something we skipped over in the gossip because it was far down by now but yeah this week did you see that video that they're sending around some queen is over at leah's house here in la it's ariana grande's ariana grande's brother frankie he's's at Leah's house in LA doing an impression of Mama Elsa. He's holding his phone with one hand, and he's making his cheek steady with the other hand,

and he's doing a terrible impersonation. It wasn't even funny. And you can hear Leah in the background going... So you know it's leah so the headline is is leah making fun of mama elsa's after her stroke no okay yes they're doing an impression an impersonation of mama elsa but why is it after her stroke she's never been able to move her face like exactly that's not nice i mean it's obviously not this guy making fun of a stroke they say nothing about a stroke he's trying to make his face still because that's how she's

always looked people come on i mean i thought maybe he made a mention of of the stroke but you know even if he did i'm sorry like yeah it probably is important that there was i don't think he did but if he did you all will correct me, I'm sure, in the comments. You know, I have to say, in this case, and I'm not standing up for Leah again, because we know her, but I'm, you know, the thing is, people are making, if you're making an impersonation of someone, even if someone is, like, ill, I mean, Mama Elsa

is, like, a character. She's over the top, she's crazy, she's silly. I think it's okay to do an impersonation of her. I think it's okay to laugh when your friend does it, you know? I'm sorry. I mean, unless it's, like's like you know money's all clean up my pee because my stroke like it's not bad he saw my pajamas now i will say um that leah's lying about it yes now that totally she's totally lying about it leah it's Leah, it's obviously your house. You've shown your house.

You've shown it on the show, and you showed it in that video that Amy Phillips did with you in your house. It's obviously your house. And it's obviously you laughing. Nobody laughs like a broken fan belt on an old Corvette. It's you. Stop it. I know, Leah. Just own it and be like, I wasn't laughing laughing that she had a stroke i was laughing because this kid was being funny yeah yeah it's okay it's okay for someone to be funny it's okay for someone to do an impersonation you know that's that's what elsa is there for that's why she's on this show because she's funny yeah and it's funny to make fun of her

too not even make fun just do impersonation. Yeah, of course, you have to. We do it all the damn time. I'm not going to apologize. Like, what, do you have to stop doing impersonations of people just because they've had strokes? I mean, what the hell? Yeah, and you're not making fun of the stroke. You're not making fun of the stroke part. She always talked like that, as you mentioned.

Yeah. Okay, so anyway, I just wanted to bring that up because we forgot at the beginning and that was pretty juicy for the week but i was i'm just like nevertheless getting back to the wedding so the uh the ceremony happens adriana gets remarried or married i don't know religiously married and then um and then it's off back to the wedding suite, the bridal suite where she has to change for her Gatsby look. And she spends, you know, like two and a half hours getting into this stupid outfit. Point is this.

The reception was supposed to start at nine, I believe. Well, the wedding was supposed to start at six. Yeah. Wedding was supposed to... Okay. Wedding was at 6 then? So then the reception would be immediately after. They don't have it.

No, no, no. They had a break. They had a break so people could change. So the reception was supposed to start at 9. She didn't get down there until 10.45. These poor people have not eaten dinner. They're sitting around waiting. It doesn't look like there was any sort of entertainment.

There was a harp. Adrian was like, well, are they playing the music? The harp's playing. Yeah, they're playing the harp. doesn't look like there was any sort of entertainment there was a harpist, Adrian was like well are they playing the music the harp's playing, the harp's playing don't people like the harp how many songs do you think is in the harpist repertoire bitch, please how many songs are orchestrated for the harp

how many times can you hear a harp version of Ode to Joy it's like wait a second, is this Wrecking Ball can you hear a harp version of Ode to Joy? It's like, wait a second, is this Wrecking Ball? They're getting days for it. So, I would have been furious. If I were there, I mean, I'm glad when I found out that guests were leaving. And I would have been

also doubly furious that I had to buy a stupid Gatsby outfit and then had to sit there forever. It didn't look like there was any sort of cocktail hour going on. I didn't see any past hors d'oeuvres. And if there were some, it was way long after. No, there was no food. I don't think there were even that many drinks down. I didn't even see anybody drinking.

They're sitting around, and it's not that many people. It's just one long table, and everybody's exhausted already from this fucking wedding. Nobody had great gaspy clothes anyway so i don't know what the hell those people were dressed for they were like okay well let's change into a party dress yeah um yeah that's not great gaspy and then she took forever to get down and then when she didn't get down everyone was exhausted and some people had left well and i love that alexis like well you know like we're latin and and I love that Alexia's like, well, you know, like, we're Latin, and, like, you know, that's part of, like, our culture

is to be late. That's, like, our thing. And it's like, okay, I've heard about that. I've heard of, quote-unquote, CPT, or CP time, I'm sorry. No, that's not Latino time. That's color people's time. I was just about to say, that's black people time. I don't think that's something you should either be, like,

proud of, or relying relying on or just saying or hoping that just gives you a free pass. You know, there's nothing in your DNA that makes you inherently late to anything. OK, you know, kidding. How about being proud of like adding salt to caramel? Because that was a brilliant idea. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. Yeah.

But just like being late all the time. That's not good. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. Yeah, but just like being late all the time, that's not good. Yeah, that's not good. If someone says, oh, well, it's our culture, I'm like, that would actually make me angry. That would make me racist, in fact. I'd be like, I hate Latinos, they're always late. That's what would happen if that happened to me. Yeah. Yeah, rude people are fucking late. Period.

So she shows up, and then, so at 10.45, and then Lenny has just about had it at that point. Lenny decides he's going to leave this wedding, and Lisa's like, no, stay, stay. I think Lenny should have left. He ultimately didn't. He stayed with Lisa. Well, of course you have to stay. Your wife has to stay. And he's looking at it like it's work.

So she has to stay because she's shooting the show. So she has to be there. But he doesn't have to be there. And he needs to go for his work. And why is her work more important? You know, I mean, that stuff was unsaid. But that's what I was getting from it. Listen, fucker.

Don't marry someone half your age if you can't stay at past 10. Okay. Yeah, that's true, too. And the truth is also, I mean... But you know, then, on the other hand, for her, don't marry a senior citizen if you want someone out past 10. That's true, too. To be fair, the reception was supposed to start at 9, which means you know you're going to be up until 12 or 1. But still, I mean, forcing people to wait around for that long twice in one day i i would i would never be friends with

her again i would never i i would never attend any function that she is hosting yeah and it's not like it was something awesome if it was some party where it's like hey everybody come down the band is playing the food is pumped you know the food is flowing the the drinks are down your gullet fun but it wasn't it's like let's just stand around and wait for this bitch with nothing else to do it was just like a stuffy uncomfortable affair frederick's poor parents looked so unamused by all of this no one was amused the only people who stayed were the fame hungry whores who thought they were gonna like be on tv absolutely that was the worst she's the worst okay so the rest of that episode, what else happened?

Nothing. Nothing happened. Well, there was some stuff with Lisa and Marisol and Alexia, but, yeah, basically nothing happened. Well, it's these people who aren't even friends in real life trying to hang out together. And Alexia's like, well, you know, I came to hang out with you because I never get to hang out with all of you people.

Yeah, because they never hang out, first of all. Oh, yeah, that's right. They went to the beach with Alexia's like, well, you know, I came to hang out with you because I never get to hang out with all of you people. Yeah, because they never hang out, first of all. Oh, yeah, that's right. They went to the beach with Alexia. And Alexia's like, well, you know, all we do is just cut up and have fun. I was like, oh, my God. What is this, The Little Rascals? I know. We're going to go down and get some milkshakes at Denny's.

How fun is that? We're going to steal the apple from the teacher's desk. We're caught up. All we want to do is laugh. And then, of course, Alexia, who has nothing except drug addict children, you know, and, like, mama also want to be moms, as a storyline.

It's like, oh, well, you know, what about how the way that you were to Marisol at the party? It's like, my god i love the way i love how all of your alexia impersonations start with oh well oh well how about you know how that happened oh well you know you know like marisol was really hurt and why how could you not say something i think that's all i'm not trying to get into it, but, you know, she's actually just like a shade away from being German. You know?

She's like, oh, how do you say that? Ja, ja, I'm Alexia. No, don't start doing that because then the German's going to creep in. I won't be able to talk at all. Sit down.

Shut up. Or do your Alexia impersonation. But, you know, Frankie, I'm so worried about Frankie. Oh, well, you know, Frankie, I'm so worried about Frankie. Oh, well, you know. Oh, well, you know. She's sort of like Midwestern German

Latina. Oh, well, you know, Peter, you know, I always love Peter. I always say he's like his dad and his dad is a loser. I never thought that he would think that. He's a loser, too. You know. Now, I think this is a good time to interrupt our regular podcast for random thoughts about Real Housewives of Vancouver that Ben's not watching. So I just watched episode seven, Ben, and it has gotten so bad.

Ronnie and Jodi are just total bitches to poor little Mary. And they went up to Ronnie's birthday party. Jodi and her evil daughter, what's-her-face, went up to sweet, innocent Mary at a birthday party and for no reason said, so what's with the tummy tuck? You're 50. And that's what's happening on The Real Housewives of Vancouver.

Thank you. Wait, isn't 50 the time when you're supposed to get a tummy tuck? Yeah, I don't. They're just horrible. At least these women try and have an excuse, like on Miami or our versions of the shows. They at least try and have something that they're mad about all year. This they don't.

They're just horrible to be horrible. It's actually kind of liberating in a way. Because these fake storylines, I don't know what's worse. Just like being mean to someone for no reason or coming up with a bad reason to be mean to somebody. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. But either way, this show's losing.

Miami, you're losing. Do something, Miami. Do something. I just want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you. Fix something. Fix it. Because I don't care if anything else happens. I'm done talking about that show.

Yeah. Well, why don't we move on to, speaking of done-zo, why don't we move on to, speaking of Dunzo, why don't we move on to our other dud of the week, New Jersey? Yes. Oh, this is that time right before the caterpillar either dies on the tree or blossoms into a beautiful butterfly. And that possible butterfly is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and

The Shaws of Sunset. Yes. And Vanderpump Rules. Oh, God. So it's more of a moth than a butterfly. It's like a moth-er fly. It's going to be a moth-er fly. It's moth-ra. It's going to come and destroy us.

Yeah, it's going to fly, and we're going to watch it fly, but I'm going to be beating my head against a light. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, Jersey is over. Thank you, Jesus. I know I only say that when it's christmas time and i want something or when you've ended a housewife season but thank you jesus um i can't remember a single thing from sunday night's episode joe and theresa melissa sitting there with a sour face

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join wondery plus on the wondery app or on apple podcasts i think the only interesting thing was when they were talking about Joe going to jail. I seem to remember being fascinated by that. Andy Cohen. You know, Andy Cohen. I get that part of his job is that he thinks he's Barbara Walters and he's doing something important for the world. I get it. But you're not.

And going at somebody like that, relentlessly like that, is pointless. Because it's not the news. You've already had a sit-down half-hour with them and pestered them obnoxiously through that. Now you're going to do it again? And I like how the Italians, like, they beat each other up all season and say the most horrible things about each other. And then they turn around and it's like oh well let's cry because they're going to go to jail because that's like every italian if you go to jail you're forgiven for everything everyone has to respect you because jail's a

respectable thing in that community apparently or when your husband's cheating on you you're not allowed you know you have to feel respect you have to be respectful of someone's husband is cheating on them too because that apparently always happens too and that was basically the episode like everyone started going at it but then caroline would throw up like my husband's possibly cheating so people would get nice to her and then theresa if they started getting too mean it's like well i'm gonna go to jail and then they're like oh i don't want to i have no comment i hope she's okay yeah it was it was honestly like a waste of an hour i mean i'm thinking i'm sitting here trying to remember specific moments um i i remember there was something where caroline

went on a rant and then i think uh i think andy was like oh okay i get it now i forgot what it was but it was stupid i think it was um oh god what was that caroline's rants like you know you've got her when she starts with that ranting and like you know you've got her in a bad place was it about dina no oh no no it was it was about i know what it was she was talking about um her uh her father-in-law being killed. And she was saying how she doesn't know why it was. But, like, every time people ask her about it, it takes her back to that night when she had to find out. And her husband was so upset and da-da-da-da-da.

And she just wants to move forward. And that's why she doesn't want to talk about it because it really, really hurts. Oh, yeah, that was pretty funny. She's like, yeah yeah i don't know you know how do you think it was when i get a call at 4 30 in the morning the police are there and i had to wake up my husband and tell him and then he had to go out and buy flowers for his wife because it was my birthday how do you think that felt like caroline you're the one who married into the fucking mob like how about you feel for all the people your family's killed or whatever's happened it's not like the mob like runs walmart's or like runs like these sweet little family stores that

just give people jobs like if you're a mob connected bitch you've heard a lot of people like i'm not gonna sit here and feel sorry that your birthday was ruined you dumb bitch like seriously shut up car. Get out of here. Shut up. Shut up, Caroline. Oh, and then her other big thing, yeah, was about how her husband's cheating, and Andy won't let it go, which is hilarious. Yes.

And she's like, the reason I won't say anything is because nothing happened! Can you name the girl? Well, yes, apparently. According to stupidhousewives.com, her name is Jill. And your husband has been banging her for five years. Jill Zarin? No, that's what I said, too.

That's the most horrifying. No wonder she has three vaginas. One for each kid. Yes. One for each terrible penis that comes crawling her way. I know. So, let's see. There was a thing where Rosie kissed everyone on the cheek so

there was that i guess oh because she she felt empowered after um talking with a horse so that's good for rosie oh i'm reading the facebook uh what do you guys want to talk about today section and uh uh chooch says i would like to know if any of the housewives are transvaginal mesh victims. It's become an epidemic. What is vaginal mesh? I don't know. I see commercials for it late at night, like for class action lawsuits, and it makes me scared. I think I once actually saw

a Dr. 90210, like the one episode I saw, someone was getting it. I think you put it in there to secure things up or something like that. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to know what...

Transvaginal is a very scary term to me. It is. Like, is it a tranny vag? Like, where it's not a real vag? It's like a... No, this is something that women get. They get it. I don't know.

I don't get it. I don't know. I always think of, like, keeping mosquitoes out. Yeah. I think of, like, a little screen door on the vagina. Like, I think of, like, summer. And always think of keeping mosquitoes out. Yeah. I think of a little screen door on the vagina. I think of summer, and I think of cookouts, and I think of opening the glass door so that way you can get a breeze in the vagina,

but you don't want the bugs to come into. Yes, exactly. It's like, is there a hole in the transvaginal mesh? Yes, I may have three vagina slits, but none of them have mosquito bites on them. Thanks, transvaginal mesh. And great news, if you saw Shark Tank this week, you know there's a great new product on the market that

patches up holes in the mesh. I'd love to see Mark Cuban being like, now tell me about this mesh patch thing. Does it work with transvaginal mesh too, or just screen doors? I don't know how old I'm going to need to get for vagina to stop being funny to me. It will never be.

It will never stop. Vagina will never stop being funny. It is always funny. We are still men, and men are still boys. And we laugh about things like farts and vaginas and penises. Oh, don't even get me started on vagina farts! We'll be here giggling all day jesus robert garza says that we should discuss the topic of him okay well we already

talked about transvaginal meshes oh no i'm just kidding i just took an easy joke there for you have nothing to do with you jesus oh hey soosies um see here. Okay, what else happened on Jersey? I love how it ended, because it ended, you know that spot where every reunion ends where Andy's like, well, what did you learn this year? And Caroline, you know, like last year, was like, well, I learned not to be a horrible person, or people would be mean to me on Twitter.

And, like, they go around in a circle and hug. And this time, it was like, okay, well, here we are at the end, and Teresa's like, well, Caroline was mean to me on her blog. Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was actually such a strange ending of the reunion because there was, like, this sudden moment of tension where Caroline was like, you just threw out an entire, what we just sat here for. You just threw it all out the window.

Everything I've done for your family what have you done for her family all you've done is talk shit manipulate even let your kids fucking diss them and call them retarded on national television fuck off you've done nothing for nobody but yourself woman but i love this i love how it was this tense moment caroline is railing against theresa saying that she doesn't think Teresa has a good heart, and Teresa is saying, well, yeah, I'm just saying how I feel. I'm just saying how I feel. And then Andy's like, okay, well, um, thanks,

everyone, bye! Normally they have some sort of, like, stupid champagne toast, which is always... Awkward Andy! You know, the champagne toast is the most hilarious thing, because these women fight for three hours, and then they're given champagne and supposed to act like to act like somehow they're still family through it all. Oh, God, and those shooting days are supposedly like ten hours long.

I mean, they're there all fucking day. But yeah, I think that they ended it there because it ended with Caroline saying, Forget it. I'm done. I'm done. And I think that that was why they they chose it because it was basically her supposedly quitting which makes no sense but i don't know are you anyway i'm drawing squares because i hear i hear that that you do yeah you're doing it right now yes i'm drawing squares and hearts i don't know why so over in my world i have construction and mayhem and over in my world, I have construction and mayhem, and over in your world, you have doodles. Yeah, I have squares and hearts.

That sounds good. And I draw mazes. Oh, I love drawing mazes. I used to do that as a kid. What's that? Like a lot of penises leading you in different directions? A corn maze, not a porn maze. Oh, what was that like? So fun.

Anyway, let's move on to Top Chef yay so i was just that was originally gonna be the sound of a knife slicing but then it became what i like to say it was the sound of something going into the fryer our recaps be all sound effects. In fact, our special guest this week is the guy from Police Academy. Please welcome the sound effects guy. Beep, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

Hey, that's Nini. Anyway. I'm still really enjoying this season of Top Chef. And this week they had to... Do you remember what the quickfire was? Well, we're going to have to do something about the fact that Top Chef is a week ago. When we record this.

Because that's so long ago. And I don't remember what the hell happened on that show. I remember broad strokes. They had to do a Habitat for Humanity challenge where they were rebuilding certain houses. Oh, yeah. They had to do a lunch truck thing. They do lunch trucks. They were in four groups.

And someone, oh, like the little lesbian girl, she won both the quick fire and... She's not a lesbian. They showed her husband. I mean, now, to be fair, he looks like a big, hairy lesbian, so I could see how you'd be confused I you know I just naturally assumed on this show that any woman is a lesbian so you know what it was the quickfire they had that because chefs have to be sexless because it's

such a rough kitchen they have to like come looking like boys that girl looks like Peter Pan who just stopped going to the gym for a while she sort of looks like the kid from dick tracy the 1990 version charlie whatever you've got a good memory of course i'm talking about sandy duncan so maybe mine's better or is it sandy dennis uh she got she honestly looks like a mixture of both yeah i think you're thinking of sandy dennis sandy Duncan, I think, is an Oscar winner. Sandy Dennis was in Valerie's family. And then Hogan's family. Anywho,

so the quickfire was that they had to make gumbo. And they had to make gumbo and they had to serve it to a woman whose name I forget, but she was like this 93-year-old black lady who was great. And it was a really fun quickfire. It was like a gumbo. Oh, yeah, that was right. And she's like,

Well, I was gonna retire. I was gonna retire. I'm 97. And then Katrina came. And now I'm working. Thanks for the gumbo. I was like, you poor thing. Jesus.

How about we just donate, everybody donate $5 in that lady's bucket and let her go home. Jesus Christ, she's 95. I know, I know. And hey, while we're at it what the hell is up with new orleans okay i have to ask this and people don't get offended just answer my damn question all right yes what the hell happened after katrina didn't they get like

billions of dollars of government funding where'd that money go and why are they still rebuilding the same street that i've seen on tlc for like five years what's happening well because they did get a lot of money but it's a big city you know like that's that's not like it covers everything things are still rebuilding where that damn money go that being said there's still there's still so much katrina talk i mean which is crazy nine years later that there's so much katrina talk but uh well what about that that fucking uh that big giant wave what are those those called? Tidal waves? Tsunami. Yeah, what about that tsunami that killed like half a million people or whatever?

They're not still rebuilding. They probably just made it a beachfront. Well, I kind of feel like this is going to be maybe me being overly cynical. But I feel like New Orleans, the story of New Orleans is becoming about Katrina. And as much as they say, we're rebuilding, we're vibrant, we're bouncing back, and yet they tried out the Katrina stuff all the time. The story of New York is not 9-11. That's something that

happened, and New York has 100% rebound and almost done building this fantastic new tower, and there's this great Ground Zero memorial, but it's not the story of New York City. And feel like well, yeah, New York was more isolated because that was downtown So they had to rebuild Downtown, but you know how that kind of goes into a point almost where it's almost like that's an isolated thing

And thank God it wasn't in the middle of town. It was downtown so you could avoid it I lived there at that time. You didn't have to be there katrina it's like the whole city like i guess it took down the whole city i'm just and i'm not even saying it to be a dick i'm just curious like why what the hell's going on is it government city it wasn't just the city it was i mean it was like vast you know miles and miles and miles of houses i mean that was like outside of the city too okay yeah i guess it was that whole region because i hear things about it like people say the government's so corrupt and they took that you know the local governments or whatever took that money and they're living big on it while the poor people are like probably you know i don't think i don't think i don't think

louisiana government is known for being local louisiana government is known for being like the most wholesome proper government you know i don't think New Orleans does not have a reputation for a lack of corruptness. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm just curious, because I'm like, damn. I mean, they're still rebuilding houses. Jesus, these kids who were building the houses were like toddlers when it happened.

You know that they're like, Mom and Dad, can we just move? Can we just go somewhere else? That would be great. Thanks. Yeah. No, it's crazy. It actually is crazy. And despite my cynical rant about the story of New Orleans, I mean, it still is crazy that these houses still need to be rebuilt. Yeah, yeah. I'm not saying they shouldn't.

It was just a side note because I'm curious. I was shocked that it was still that bad over there. Yeah, it was shocking. But also shocking was that the hot guy was eliminated. And I thought for sure he was going to be around a little bit longer, not because he's a good chef, but because he's hot and he's an asshole. So I thought he'd be good TV. I was actually shocked that he was gone, too. And I can't believe they let that girl who's been in the bottom every challenge so far, even the quick fires, got to stay.

Why would they keep her and get rid of the hot guy? I didn't get it. It sounded like the hot guy's only mistake was that he made his rolls too soon, and so they were a little chewy instead of crunchy, but I didn't think that was a fireable offense. But then again, they did say the girl, they said her food was okay,

and had it been a different group of people, she would have been right in the middle of the pack. I think sometimes, you know, I think another thing that differentiates top chef from other reality shows is that it's not shallow like the other shows. Yeah. I think that actually being hot might work against you on top chef because

chefs are generally not hot. And I think that everybody hates the hot ones. Like I noticed that Curtis, no one likes him when he guest stars or whatever. No one gives him any respect. All these worsts and they shouldn't, he's terrible, terrible you know yeah but and he's not really even that hot like maybe he's chef hot i guess like in that i don't think he's but i don't think he's hot to be honest i think at maybe at one point in his life he was hot but he's gotten like real soft around the

edges and he has like a big goofy muppet smile i think he just comes off as a total asshole to me yeah i don't he just doesn't seem like a warm nice person at all yeah but um yeah they still brought him on top chef and i thought you know that's not fair you cannot bring him on the real top chef leave him on masters as a fucking ryan seacrest do not bring him over here please yeah well um the good news is that we have another hot uh hot guy on the show, but he's turning out to be a big idiot. He's the one who's in Vermont or Massachusetts. I forget his name, but he's got glasses and black hair,

and he was in the bottom this week also, and he's like a total space cadet. No, I don't know who you're talking about. I'm going to have to look him up. He's cute. He's definitely cute, but he's kind of dumb. Padma Lakshmi and Gale. I know. i don't want to see padma and gail show me the damn cast people um hot guy with glasses i think that the game the other gay guy is pretty cute on it

there's like that little blog oh yeah yeah i think he's super cute so cast an info i'm going to click on this here okay emerald Emeril. You know, I still love Emeril for his terrible sitcom that only lasted like four episodes. Still looking for that. That's nice. That's nice of you. Isn't it? Okay, so are you talking about Brett Pellaghi, the guy? Yeah. Yeah,

Brett. Brett Pellaghi. Oh, I don't think he's hot. Oh, I thought he was hot. Let me look at this picture of him. I don't know where the picture was. I think Nicholas Elmy is hot. Oh, it's a bad picture of Brett. But I think he's hot, though. There's someone named Nicholas Elmy that's really cute.

And then the blonde guy, Travis Mazur, is pretty cute. Who knows? As long as they can cook well, right? That's all that really matters. Yeah, I guess we'll see what happens this week. I don't know. I'm happy to have it back. I think it's so good. Yeah, I love Top Chef. One of the thoughts I had while watching this week, it cracks me up when people on reality shows pat themselves on the back for the dumbest things. Like, at least five of them said, you know, it feels so great to be out here giving back. You i mean my whole life is spent trying to give back

to people listen you're not giving back you're doing some challenge out and in a food truck it's not like you're you're driving your food truck out there and actually giving back okay you happen to be assigned there you have to do this you're not doing anybody any fucking favors but yourself stop patting yourself on the goddamn back you fucking fame whore stop it yeah you're not giving back when people who have been working on building a house like literally building a house hammer a nail then come to you and you serve them like a few veggies and some seaweed okay that's not giving back yeah a floppy ass uh tuna roll yeah 103 degree weather no yeah absolutely those people wanted some wings is that too hard i know wings and french fries is that too hard for you people i'll tell you one thing it made

me want to go back to hot and juicy crawfish remember when we went there yes i'm vegan now so i'm not going to be ripping heads off any little animals anytime soon but i will go with you really are you really vegan? I thought you were joking. I thought you were making some ridiculous joke. No, I've just been doing it for dietary reasons. I'm not really doing it because I'm too good to eat meat. I've just been doing it for a diet for a month now.

Oh, how's it going? Well, it oddly changes your brain, and you do feel better than everybody else because you feel like everyone else is a murderer and you're not. So I actually feel better than like 98% of you right now. I feel like a better person. So kiss my ass because I'm a vegan and you're a horrible person and I care about animals in the rainforest. That's great. That's great. Good for you, Ronnie. But just so you know, vegan food doesn't necessarily mean it's healthier. Oh no, I'm doing like low fat vegan. It's terrible. I mean, it's not terrible i kind of got

used to it i'm eating a lot of potatoes all the things that i'm terrified of the rest of the year like potatoes and um well i guess vegetables and rice potatoes yeah more potato yeah i'm basically eating potatoes polenta and, and rice. Okay. And it works, but it works really slowly. No, it's okay. Please change the subject. I was going to say, I was going to talk about all the unhealthy things I ate this weekend. This is what I ate this weekend.

Okay. Okay. Friday night for dinner, I had deep fried egg rolls. I had fried beef and I had fried rice. Fried beef. Like it was beef that had been fried and then it's like served. It's likeus cohen it's so good it's called a nothing special beef says there if anyone lives in la and goes to gangas cohen get that it's my favorite dish but basically it's like deep fried beef that's served in like a tangy sauce and then um and then on sat, I had fried dough, which is the healthiest of all doughs.

It's amazing. Yum. And then I had corn, corn on the cob slathered in mayo. And then I had a hot dog. And then on Sunday, I had a tamale for breakfast. And then I had like five plates of fit like shrimp swimming in oil and some fish tacos and then um a a chocolate double chocolate cupcake and then for dinner i remember dinner i had thai food that was like against like some fried shit and some braised shit oil and all that

fat so that's what i've been eating. Well, you know, that sounds amazing. Okay, the first thing that makes me bitter is that you're good-looking and thin, and that kind of pisses me off. I have a little gut. I have a little gut. Oh, please. I do.

Please with your little gut. And the other thing that bugs me is just, like, this vegan-y thing. Like, okay, if I'm going gonna lose weight and if i'm not gonna gain and lose the same hundred pounds every year which basically i've done for five years like i'm gonna die of a heart attack any day now so like if i'm gonna actually lose weight and keep it off i have to do something i stick to right so okay let's say i stick to this vegan thing guess where i can go no place no place there's nothing to eat. What are you going to do?

I'm just going to eat a fucking dry baked potato everywhere I go? Ronnie, there are so many good vegan restaurants including there's this place called Crossroads which I haven't been to, but it's supposed to be elevated vegan food that's supposed to be excellent. I don't need elevated. I need shit I can drive through and get.

I know I can go to Taco Bell and get a bean burrito. No, because I'm not eating the soy products. Well, I mean, you've backed yourself into this corner. I can't help you. I have. I've just given myself a reason to complain for the next year. You're all welcome. You'll get to hear it.

But yeah, so, bravo. That's what you've taken us to. Talking about veganism. So, thank God all this bullshit's over. So, what are we going to watch this week? Oh, you know what? Actually, someone asked something on Facebook right now that I want to ask you about. Have you watched

that new show, Pastors of... What is it? You don't even know what it is. Is this on Bravo? Pastors of LA. Yeah, some new show on... On Bravo? Yeah, it was showing for some reason, like, yesterday in the daytime, and I saw that it was

on the guide, so I recorded it, but I haven't watched it yet. Maybe it was on a different channel, and sometimes they do that. They show it. Oh, it's called Preachers. Preachers of LA. Let me see. There's a new show about a preacher that's coming out that it's on preach it's called preachers of LA let

me see what channel it's on I just thank God for the Internet y'all that day money women fame Church that today in the life of the preachers of LA a new reality show centered on the lives of mega church pastors of the Preachers of L.A., a new reality show centered on the lives of megachurch pastors of the so-called prosperity gospel. Oh, it is Oxygen. So why'd y'all bring that up on our page? Damn it. Maybe because they showed it on the Brovs? They showed it on the Brovs, and it's probably to get us ready for the new preacher show that's coming on.

Like Preachers' Daughters? Oh, Preachers' Wives? What is it? I don't know, because I really don't think I'm going to watch. You don't want to know about Preacher's? Listen, I saw Rev Run, okay? I saw his show.

I got enough. I know the way it works. Yeah, that Preacher's show. Yeah, I ran away from that. Alright. I think we've hit a wall. We basically had no good content this week to talk about. We tried our best.

This is where we're at. Jesus, why are you so depressing? All that Katrina talk. I think it's all the veganism. I know. Veganism and Katrina kills every conversation. Listen, we started out this podcast talking about Jill Zarin's camel toe, and there's just nowhere to go except down.

Down and in. Yeah, you know it's going to be a shitty podcast when it starts with a triple vagina. All right, so let's make plans on what to watch this week, because I'm at a loss, because bravo, we do not have our new shows coming on until November. So we've got a couple weeks here where we're going to be swimming in the shallow end. Well, we have Top Chef. Okay, which, I mean, look how much

discussion that leads to. We're like, did you watch the scene too? Remember when they cooked stuff? That was great. You never know, and I'll try to take notes. So Top Chef. And I'm not going to say I Dream of Nini only because it airs the night that You never know, and I'll try to take notes. So Top Chef. I'm not going to say I Dream of Nini only because

it airs the night that we record, and so by the time we get to tonight's episode, it's going to be a week. That's just too ridiculous. So no I Dream of Nini. Yeah, I agree. I've been watching a little bit of it, but I haven't watched it past two weeks, because it's like Real Housewives of Atlanta, where all Nini does is yell and talk over people

and make an ass out of herself. Except it's every scene. No. Yeah, let's see. Is there anything... And you know what? I'm also just saying no to these Bravo bullshit weddings. I've had enough Bravo with your fake old lady weddings.

Like, enough of it. Enough. Find something else. Let one person on this show join a fucking circus so they can all do it. Because I'd rather watch that. What about... We could watch The People's Couch.

You know what? The People's Couch isn't even on Bravo's website. That's sad. Well, there's going to be a loss. Maybe they're not going to pick it up? Listen, we have Miami next week. You know what? Next week will just be about Miami and gossip and Top Chef, and that's just the way it'll be people's couch ratings i'm putting in

um i want to know about that's not no we can't just watch miami and top chef benjamin there has okay we also have to watch the new atlanta we have to at least do one episode because people are asking about that every week all right so let So let's watch the new Atlanta tonight and we'll talk about it next week. Okay. So that will give Real Housewives of Miami, new Atlanta and Top Chef. Yeah. And maybe million dollar listing. I've been watching that.

Million dollar listing. Oh my God. Madison gets dumped by the hot guy. It's amazing. And he's like, I don't understand why no one will date me. Because you talk like droopy dog and you're a horrible evil bitch. And the only reason anyone will talk to you in the first place is because you work out a lot. Shut up, Madison.

Jerk. Madison's a jerk. And then he's been being mean to Heather for no reason. And then this lady came to look with him and he's like, so Heather. Oh, so you did to your own boyfriend what you did to me? Oh, Heather. And then this lady's like,

Heather, can I give you some old lady advice? You shouldn't betray people. And then Heather's like, you don't even know me. And then Josh Flagg is like, maybe you guys should go because this is like my job. And they're like,

fine, whatever, bye. So that one's been kind of fun. What else is on? I know you didn't watch it. That was a great recap. And I think that's all that's on. But maybe if we find something else, we can always email each other. That's right. We don't even have to

decide right now. I will record for the new Atlanta. But I gotta do it right now because it's about to air for me. Cause I get the East coast feed. Okay. So I guess on that note, we should wrap things up.

Run business. Bye everybody. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash watch what crappens. Um, talk to us during the week over there. You can find us, uh, you can find me on,

uh, I don't even care where you can find me. Find me on Facebook. All my links are there. You can find Ben on all the social media outlets at B-Side Blog or at B-Side Blog.com, which is his blog, the best entertainment blog in LA. Thank you very much, LA Weekly. And you can find my site, Trash Talk TV, for fun recaps and stuff like that.

Okay. Bye, y'all. We'll talk to you next time. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called wait for it.

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