Watch What Crappens - BelowDeckMed: That's The Way The Cookie Crumbles

Episode Date: July 14, 2017

It appears as though Hannah wants to toss Adam's cookies. Literally. She doesn't like them. Or maybe she's deflecting attention away from certain scandalous Dallas trysts. Nevertheless, we've got the latest episode of "Below Deck Mediterranean" covered, now with 110% more inaccurate accents. Stick around afterwards for Crappens Mailbag! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujube. And I return to guide sexy singles through some ranchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. This episode of Watch Your Crappens is brought to you by our Patreon premium sponsors, Kristy Dauerty, Mia Hansen-A-Loha, Cindy Gerson, Kelly Barlow, and Jess Sayon. Thank you! Watch what crap in who cares what happens when there's so much that crap in

What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? Watch what crap in who cares what happens when there's so much that crap in What happens? What happens? to talk to other crap and listeners about the shows as they air come over to

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So great! My fresh cookie in a world of gourmet desserts. Am I your packaged... Uh, Rowan crew. Yeah, those were didn't they show the packaging from the cookies in today's episode? I mean, Adam's really, I think I did. I think they showed the packaging from those cookies. That was like some M&M cookie bullshit from the, I'll have to go back and check it.

Although, by the way, still delicious. Still delicious. Yes, but not on a fucking chartered yacht. So, hey, don't, don't bring my middle of the show, anger in my middle of the show, anger is for the middle of the show. Right now, I'm still happy and everything's great, guys. Well, I'm still happy also. We've made it through a week of watcher

crappins. We are still selling tickets to our L.A. show so go to watcher crappins.com to get tickets for that before they're gone. Yeah we've already sold like a third of the theater and we're two months out. So but today we're talking about below deck Mediterranean on Yeah, this is below deck met We got Annie Who's very like the that's from the movie Annie when she gets to the bass in. Oh, I was just making music off playing off yours. I wasn't trying to do anything. No, because this theme music is very like it sounds like a DJ mustard song

But it's not and they even have the guys back when we hey, hey, well, you know, I can't do it very well But it's you know, well, I'm just glad they put a Cassia keyboard horn worker to work. Uh-huh because I love that work at a work. Uh-huh. Because I love that. I hope he got union wages for that. It sounds like the yacht is going down into a whirlpool into another dimension. Nuh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh- Hena, were you texting with the Moshin? If I were Chief Steve, this boat would not be tap dancing. It would not be playing tap dancing music with horns. So this week's episode opens up where we left off two weeks ago, which is Hannah and Adam in the middle of apron gate.

This is the new scandal that has been fallen the kitchen. You know, because Hannah and Adam hate each other now, so they're always going to find a way to take each other down. And so Hannah hates the fact that whenever Adam goes and addresses the guests, he wears the apron and his hat and he just looks like a line cook. Is that really pissed off? Because you know, Ben, when Ben was a chef on the show, he would always get into a little white chef coat, you know? I know. And if Ben is more professional than you, I mean, you know, you got some issue. Ben will just serve, you know, he'll walk around naked. Like he doesn't care. He'll just get shit-facing throughout all over the floor. If that do's more professional. And he's like,

um, I've been doing those for a two-thog to start taking orders from you. Hannah Banana. Like, what do you guys five, the way that they fight? He's like, you pranced around like, you got it perfect, but you're not perfect. And she's like, well, guess what? I am perfect. And that's what they say in the meetings. Hannah, you're perfect.

They literally say Hannah, you're perfect. And he's like, yeah, we already lost one roommate. You want to lose another one. She's like, you don't have to lock me. I don't care about roommates. all right, sticks and stones, break my bones, but your dirty cap will never harm me. Did you know that banana is also really slaying for perfect? So every time you see Hannah banana, you're saying Hannah perfect, Hannah perfect, Hannah perfect.

You should care about me, have you heard about my spinach sides? Almost got me pussy for the entire charter! So Hannah does the next logical thing which she immediately goes right up to the bridge and finds Captain Sandin is like now I thought I'd tell you this but Adam he is wearing his apron, his dirty apron, out to the guest and his hat backwards. And I think it's disrespectful, we wanna y'all not a robot. And Sandy's like, Adam needs to wear his fucking uniform. I was like, oh, this is what gets her riled up.

Yeah, I love like Captain Sandy's totally calm, but then the F bomb start coming out. Yeah. And it's like ordering Franzino when getting salmon instead. It's just not right. It's like, hey, I didn't mean to interrupt your, uh, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Between courses of fruity pebbles and yogurt fresh.

Adam, but, uh, you know, maybe it would be good if you were a uniform because, you know, we're on a boat. You think I don't want to be walking around here in my monster truck rally t shirt. My half pants. Of course I do. Now get back to those fish sticks before they burn in the toaster oven. I think I don't want to get my aquasauks on and do the splits right here on the counter. Of course I do Adam. You think I didn't bring you think I didn't bring an entire box of crocs just on the off chance I might get to wear them once in a while. of course I did, but you know what I'm wearing these cats instead Saddam's like that Adam's like did Hannah say something just like just say yes, Sandy say yes, Sandy

The yes, Sandy no snooze Sandy yes, Sandy. I'm out of bed made the bed You can pop a quarter off of it. That's what I want to hear Now I Adam I can't help but notice that One of your little chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs is on the ground there. You might want to pick that up I like that the little interstitials between these scenes a girl's like like, Pabbie, you got me a cocktail and he's like, oh yeah, Will. And then they have this scene and then he's delivering the drink on a raft.

And he's like, oh, I got your drink. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, I got your drink. And then he finds out that the raft is actually a whale shark and he's about to die. And Wes is like, well, I think gold is not the banana. Because this is my parent said, no bananas. That Adam's like, are you talking about a Hannah banana? Real original, right, huh?

God, I love that banana. And by banana, I'm talking about Hannah. See if we know what we're talking, are we all talking on the same page here? So then Bugsian, Amlia are talking about Hannah and Jason still and They're all doing the same thing like all of our tips were at risk all of our tips were at risk I'm like what are you guys talking about you guys are literally acting as if Hannah held him hostage at gunpoint And if he like didn't give tips that he would get killed

Like nothing was at risk. They made out in their claws and he's hot. It's okay. Yeah, you're getting you guys. You're getting mad about tips when Hannah like literally took the tip. Like make up your mind. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? And you should be angry at Adam. He is the one who's risking your tip more. And bugs. He's like, man, if I were chief Steve, do you think that they hooked up? It's like that, wait, that doesn't even make sense in that sentence. And Mollie says, yeah, more than hooked up, tips are at stake, okay?

You guys, guess what gets you the most tips in the world? Guess who's the best tips people in the service industry? Hors and strippers, okay? Percy equals bigger tips Like give credit where credit is to you here, okay? Hannah squeezed her way into a record breaking tip everybody say thank you Well, I don't understand why Bob is not getting to it more so Either way bugs is like if I would chief still I would gain respect for Hannah because right now I've lost respect for Hannah So therefore if I would chief do it would go the respect for Hannah because right now I've lost respect for Hannah. So therefore, if I would chief still, it would go the other way around.

Does that make sense? Lauren, say it's fine. If a chief still was going 19 miles around the equator and I'm supposed to be chief still going 1890 miles around the equator, who gets to this outpool first I should be chief still. to get to this outpool first I should be cheap too. If I'm going 18 knots per hour and you're going three knots per hour, how many awful things does Hannah doing now? Lauren's like, not. Lauren's like, I don't like being negative so please stop mentioning not so much.

You know what? People are trying to bring not back and I really don't want to say not, you know? Like I really want to say not, not. Okay, stop trying to bring it back. I used to bully girls about how notty their hair was. So like, and then I got bullied back for being a bully. So like I really can't talk about nots right now.

I used to be a bully. Maaah! So then Hannah is up talking to Sandy and again, trying to just throw Adam under the yacht bus. And she's like, I guess I'm just used to different standard of cooking. And then she's like, um, don't do that. You just bone the client.

Or the client just bone you. Just, yeah. And you just tried cooking a sausage with your cheeks. So maybe we shouldn't talk about your your cooking standards Maybe save that what for later here's where you thought you saw the cookie packaging because at this point I wrote this down that Lauren starts eating regular cookies in like in like the crew mess and the cookies say American style cookies Which I thought was funny America so cookies what's like a non-American style cookie?

Is it like, it's like MOTSA considered like an Israeli style cookie? Yeah. Now with more cancer preservatives, just like in America. How do they not gain five pounds from eating one package of cookies? Well, have American style cookies. How do you work on a boat and not get chips of hoi? It's like it's in the name Hey, would it be too much to ask if you serve to stake the serve it with a gravy bowl? It's like it's like working at a zoo and getting

Saltines instead of animal crackers, you know, you just you gotta you gotta stay consistent Yeah, it's like offering your guests a flight of beer. Like, come on, man. Respect the transportation you're on. I love how we recap this show. We are always in the strangest mood, and so our recaps of the show are so bizarre. We are making jokes about animal crackers and flights of beer. I know. We get loopier this week, especially. We've gotten crazier with every show for no reason, really. We're not drunk. It's like 11 in the morning. Oh, speak for yourself. Um, so I'd be so proud. I'd be standing up for you in AA. Like, you guys, I'm so proud of Ben for being here. His name is Ben and he's finally a fucking alcoholic. Can I get a round of applause for Ben?

Gosh, I don't know what to do with myself Well, you should see me on collars. I would definitely I Would put down several beers. I must admit. That's why I merged from Dartmouth about 60 pounds heavier than when I went in admit that's why I merged from Dartmouth about 60 pounds heavier than when I went in. So anyway, so anyway while Lauren's eating these American South cookies, here we are, like on a crazy tangent because I saw Lauren eating a bag that said the American South cookies. So I'm like dreaming of you fat and drunk. I'm like, I wonder what that's like.

I just played beer pong like every night. I loved it. I was still playing it now. You're right. The sportsman. I know. I was terrible at it. I was, that's why I drank, that's why I drank so much because I was always losing. So, so Lauren is like eating these American style cookies and talking to Bobby and she's like, oh my god. I love rimming with Hannah. It's like the most fun ever. Like I've never had this much fun since

I bullied girls when I was younger, but then of course I got bullied. I was like, oh my god, I'm a boy. I like when Lauren, they're of course I got bullied. I was like, oh my god, I'm a boy. I like when Lauren, they're looking at the scenery outside and she's like, I feel like I'm in a castle. But that made me laugh so hard. Everything Lauren, I just feel like Lauren wants to be loved. So she'll always make a statement that she thinks is going to like make the group just love her more. Like look at that Lauren. She is so fun. She is just breath of fresh air,

but I feel like no one really listens to her except us. Yeah, and everyone's like, oh, there goes Lauren again complaining about the old housing. Yeah, she's trying to be nice. Bobby's like, she thinks it's a castle, but it's a yacht. Oh my God, how stupid. No wonder why I broke up with her after she broke up with me. So I wrote Adam makes packaged cookies for Malice. What broke up with her after she broke up with me.

So I wrote Adam makes packaged cookies for Malia. That's what I wrote. I don't know if that's true or not. Now that we're having, now this is like a big controversy in my mind. I know. It's basically like the latest episode of Twin Peaks. Did the cookies come from? Did they come in the middle of an atomic bomb?

So he's like, Hey, Malia got some cookies, blow tops. She's like, nope, still no, friend sound. He's like, okay. She's like, well, last time I checked, these cookies were made of spinach. So go fuck yourself, Adam. Bye. Yeah, but he does bring her a cookie.

So, and then Adam, so while he's making these cookies, which look perfectly delicious to me, they're not like Lauren's crappy American style cookies. These are real fresh baked cookies, perhaps from like toll house, but still naturally delicious. Hannah, you know, she is now grumbling even more. She's like, I can't believe that Adam's making cookies for this. It's crazy. I mean, we're on a yacht.

We're not at a cafeteria. What's going on here? Yeah. Hannah or whoever from the show is listening were those packaged cookies because I swear to you there was a Pillsbury Right now. I'm your master. I will look at it. I will look at it later But I don't want to research right now because the podcast and I'm gonna know I'm gonna send a message right now I'm sending her right now. I'm gonna say this is this is gonna be live breaking news on the podcast, okay? I'm sending her right now, I'm gonna say, this is gonna be live breaking news on the podcast. Okay, I'm saying, Hannah, this is a pressing question. We are live on the podcast.

We're Adam's cookies pre-packaged. All right, it's out there. We will get back to it as soon as we know. Um, you're supposed to say something. Me? I'm supposed to say something. I was like, oh, why are you tweet? I'll text. No, no, I'm just. I was I was I wanted the audience to be aware of what was it was like that time when we thought Ariana was mad at us So we tweeted at her on the podcast She was like, oh, I'm too guys. I'm so not mad at you, but I'm still not inviting you to your my birthday party, okay? So the guests

Everyone's like stressed about these cookies, but the guests are like cookies. Oh, God. We love cookies Of course you do so captain what I mean, he, we love cookies. Of course you do. So Captain, I mean, he doesn't love cookies, really. You know, it's my point. I said that so mean. Like it's so bad to love cookies. It's like a trashy guess. By the way, I would have been very, very satisfied with cookies. But I do get Hannah's point, which is that they're like a snack when you are, you know, like in the middle of the day.

It shouldn't be what you have at the end of lunch. Although, even then, I still would be really happy to have them. Yeah. So then the captain's like, so Wes, I just wanted to have a little tack with you. You know what I'd like for you and Malia to take the guess for a nice little walk, sit in a bar and possibly make out behind something. You know what I would love for you. I'd love for you to come back well rested and ready to drive the board. So get some poutine. Okay. How about that? That's good. And if you could bring back some fresh brands. You know, I wouldn't be mad at that. I'll tell you that much. And then the biggest little shitster of the whole show, Max. Yeah, he is. He is a big. He is such a shister. He goes straight up to Adam.

And he's like, wait, she was blind about it. She's just blind about, she's got what that man doing. What kind of thing that man doing that? Moves a squakor. Moves a squakor. I was actually talking to a cockney person on Friday and and then I said, I mentioned how the cockney accent is very staccato, he was like, what do you mean? I was like, big ol' you sound like this,

or that's what you sound, you sound, you speak up this, and he just gave me this look like, what the fuck is wrong with you? No, he gave me a look that said, what the fuck is wrong with you? What kind of bird are you? And then I was like, you know, I was like, at least it's not as bad as the Cheshire accent. He's like, I don't even know what that is. How do you know what these accents are?

I was like, because I watch Bravo. I'm like a snake. I'm not a snake. I'm a bit, and I bought you off and I wrapped around you in a condom. I swear, man. I like him. I eat him. Like a snake. I'm not just in the middle of my tummy. They put them before them. Or shed my skin, we'll poop them out the other end. Lock the snake.

Does that mean his got a laugh? Wow, Brad. She's got manners. She's well-browed. This is my bunny. What was your funny, son? Tabe? Is that what you're talking about Dobby? Dobby, yeah. No, no. Dobby was the daughter.

This girl, I got in the lawn there. And that was like, what's your luck to go to Bumley Paul? Oh, yeah, the bunny. Yeah, nothing. No, nothing. No, nothing compares to MP. Yeah, again, the line's done. Magale, something has happened.

And I want to find out what If you guys have not watched real housewives of Chester do yourselves a favor that shit is amazing. Yeah So now Bobby teaches Malia how to tie ropes But I don't know everything Bobby does. I just think it's hilarious. He's like okay Here's what you do first you take this and then you go over like that. Then, go over like that. He's like, thanks. No one asked you, like, get out of my room, I'm eating my cookies. He's like, and then you hold on to this part of the rope with your little inside alien head. Let it, hold on, let me stick it out. Okay, Now you hold on to this part and tie it together.

And then put your inside alien head back at your mouth. Oh, just like that. So down in the kitchen, um, Bugs, he's like, who is it? You should have been shaved. Steve, what's for dinner? What's your name? Everybody. And Adam's like, look, I want to know what happened with Hannah. Was it just texts? She's talking about professionalism. I want to know what happened with Hannah. Was it just text? She's talking about professionalism.

I want to talk about professionalism. She thinks she can come on this boat and get some ass. Wait a minute. Damn it. I didn't get any ass on this boat. I heard he lost. And that is my spinach. Yeah.

Hannah's like, if you've got a problem, you can talk to me. Oh, I don't know what I'm doing. No, yeah. I was like, we brought we have a test. Is there something you want to ask me? Yeah, she's like, if there's something you can talk to me. I don't know what to do. No, yeah. I was like, we brightly have a recession. Is there something you want to ask me? Yeah, she's like, is there something you want to ask me? No, that's not it. If you've got something to say to me, say it to me, please.

No, Hannah walks in and is like, is there something you want to ask me? And then the bug just gets a hell out of there. She just scurries away to some corner of the yacht. I'm gonna go do anchor duty now. Yeah, I said, boy, fisties don't fight. So he's like, well, you want to talk about professionalism, but you're texting. It's like, he's having me on social media

and I wasn't wearing a dirty hat and a t-shirt. It's in crocs when he did it. All right, so I was very presentable so he thought he could talk to me. He's like, oh, so social media, that's what it's called now. Yeah. Good when Adam. I'm sure I can't hear you over the sound of your Lego, my eggos cooking in the dough's dough. Okay, here you go with the crackle crackle crackle of the defrosting meat that you're making for tonight. Like it's called getting some Adam. I understand how you wouldn't know the feeling.

All right, have fun with that spinach side loser. The captain's like, hey, Hannah, Hannah Bobby Bobby Pucking Pucking Pucking Time to Park. We're gonna pack the boat pack the boat pack the boat pack the boat pack the boat Sandy so they're gonna park the boat I like her that was like her little dance song there Puck the boat Sandy Puck the boat Sandy I went down into the anchor pump up the anchor dance dance I was down in the galley twice today. I feel energetic. So she's like, Hey, guys, you know, these guys are all improving and I want them to feel appreciated. So I'm going to give them a 5,000 ton machine to crash into a rock. I know they don't always feel appreciated. It of like our guests, let me serve them tuna casserole.

So for the kitchen dinner rundown, the in the kitchen for the dinner rundown. Hannah's like, she'll be talking about the tequila pairing for this evening and Adam's like, maybe we should get bugsie because she's our little biotinter. Like, oh god, that's not working anymore.

Die right now. Yeah, that's not working anymore. He's like, I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I goes, I have a lot of experience with tequila, but I've never done a pairing before. It's a great job. And then when he, he's making mole, then he's like, I'm making mole, mole, mole, mole, mole,

mole. I was like, that is the most ridiculous, sad, white trash thing I've ever heard a chef do. But then when they serve the mole the guest is like it's mole Yeah, I mean well to be fair. This is below deck. This is the blow deck extended universe There has never been someone who's not been trash except for perhaps the Dallas guy Like they all are like, we should be so lucky they only did. Mole, mole, mole, mole.

Instead of like doing some poison cover, you know, eh, remole needs, it's mole. Eh, remole, this is mole. Mm-hmm. We are fat movie Cause nothing really matters in the cold No, then but moley With or without moley

Pour some moley on me Here I go again on my moley on me Here I go again on my mold Around the only mold I've ever known I'm out of songs life is a moley All moley long I'll know that long. We are mola mola mola getting back to mola. If you want to mola my lover, you have got to pay my telephone mola. Pay my automobile mola mola.

When the mola cries, let him know he tried. Because with the mole sing, the new world begins. It's mole on. Because I'm easy. Easy like a mole morning. What you want. Mole I got it. I'm like desperately trying to think of others.

Maybe. Oh, we are. Molly in the wind. I don't think I just didn't. It's like we don't need no. I wrote this. I wrote this song. I wrote this song for Mellon Monroe before she passed and changed it

for Princess Diana when she passed and now it's for moley. As it passes through the digestive tracks of the guests on the blue deck ship. Thank you. I wish I would have known you, but I was just a kid. Thank you. I wish I would have known you, but I was just a kid. Mulee and Wind. Do do do. So Wes and Mulee are walking through town after leaving their guest at Chili's and they're

licking ice cream. It's like, thanks guys. Can we give Mulee a one more phallic thing to lick on this boat? Like have we slut-sh shame to Malia enough yet? Yeah, they are so they're going in gelato and the popsicle club shop closed Let me Jesus Christ. Is there any zucchini or cucumber that needs to be handled? Like Hannah, why don't you walk through town sucking on this pacifier? That'd be great Malia so would say, in the crew mess, Sandy and Hannah

are like having dinner. And Cindy goes, you know, we've never had the same meal twice for Madam, huh? And Hannah's like, yeah, it would be cool. If it were for the same for the guests, you know what I mean? Sandy's like, oh, Hannah, I know what you're trying to do. Hannah, but Hannah, and I'm falling for it. I mean, it's so basic. And the captain's like, that's a

fair point. And she goes, I would like to put Dan feed that I'm excited to serve. Yeah, that's what we all want is waiters to just be excited. Yeah. I mean, how many times I've to serve them one of those alphabet soups as media's in and the media's on meatballs. I mean, on times I've to serve them one of those alphabet soups as media's in them but the media's on meatballs I mean on the full ready You know what the way does it the outback are happy because they serve awesome blossoms Yeah, it's exciting food if I have to serve one more of those frog popsicles six from good humor

I'll tell you one thing. I'll have a bad humor And Max is like, okay, ay, y'all, can you talk, Lada? Like he said, bad listening, a little fucking gossip. His entire time. At night, Bobby comes up to Bugsy during service, and he's like, oh, my theory was correct. Wes is just trying to get Malia to himself,

and now he's got Malia again. But because that's not a whole big, don't get caught up in that naughty nice if I was first you would get the fly swatting Spanky on your little bum and he's like whatever. I don't care. I'm totally over it. Yeah But he's like okay, so So then it's time to start serving this food for this tequila pairing. Guess what the first dish is? It's like queso with ground pork and chips. Which again, I would totally eat up, but I can sort of start to see Hannah's point here. Turns out that her tequila matches perfectly with Belvita. Congratulations.

Well done. Well done. Your brand is going to be totally sold out by the time you get back to shore. So while they're eating their queso, Max goes and tells the crew about Hannah. He starts gossiping about how much Hannah's complaining about the food and you know, it's like, yeah, she's good play about food. Say it's bad. It's bad. It's all about food. It's not scrap and Malia's like, oh my god. I am so tired of her Like listen Malia Listen, I'll tell you who I'm tired. I'm tired of you doing things like

Walking off to console Adam after he nearly jeopardizes the boat's tip by serving onions over and over again to Dougie or whatever that guy's name was Dougie what's his name? Hey Hannah, I'm sick of you getting all the free side dishes and not even putting out What am I calling her you keep calling your Hannah? I Do sorry Hannah. It's like what did I did E? I don't think she has to listen I don't think she has to put it out because she has because she got she got the spinach But um, no, I don't need there. I'm just saying, like stopping a spinach tease. That's what it's like. I just realized that I was starting to get all mad,

like, hey, Malia, stop doing, and I was like, oh wait, I don't know if I'm angry at her about it. I think, yeah, well, I think we'll have a few episodes ago, but right now, she's like not, she's not really annoying me. So, I'm like, Well, I just don't like that she's such a hypocrite, you know, it's like oh my god I can't believe me did that with the debt. You're trying to fuck your boss Okay, and then you were like boning the chef in like your driver's-ed class

So let's stop pretending that you're you know the most professional woman on the boat. How about that? Yeah, I Yeah, I like I honestly forget what it was knowing me about Malia a few weeks ago. I think it was just that I used a little bit too much of that. I'm just one of the guys sort of thing. I don't know. Well, listen, Leah, don't you worry. I'll find something to know about.

Just hang on. Yeah. I literally don't care. Like I'm not worried. We're just doing a podcast so I get angry at stupid little thing. Sometimes I write down notes and like like I'll write a note about something and happen and I'll be like, oh yeah, I wrote this down because this triggered something in me and then once I read the note, I'm like, I'm triggered, but I don't actually know why. So I'm just gonna forgot why. That's me. I mean, I know why it is. Like I came in here really

mad about packaged cookies because I spent so much money on a kitchen aid mixer. And so now every time I want to cookie, I make fucking cookies. And it's really made me resent packaged cookies and people who use them because I'm like, I put the work in and so I'm projecting my own, but you know what it is, hard bend because you have to wait for the butter to melt or get soft. If it weren't for waiting for butter to get soft, I would be okay with it, but you have to sit there for 30 minutes and wait for your butter to turn room temperature. So there's no auto joy.

You should do a different recipe, one that either uses cold butter or melted butter, because there are other cookie recipes. And there's that great New York Times thing from like two years ago, they made like 30 cookies and they changed a variable and all them like here's a key with cold butter Here's one with warm butter. Here's one that used this like brown sugar Here's one did this and you see how all the cookies are different. It's really cool Wow, maybe you should send that article to Adam Because I have a feeling that was not all pillsillsbury do or a packaged cookies, okay? You see him still mad. Yeah, and I can't let it go.

And I won't let it go. My preferred chocolate chip recipe is the, there's like some ooey gooey chocolate chip cookie recipe from like all recipes. It's like the top one and it is phenomenal. So everyone use that one, including you, Ronnie. Okay, I will then. Okay, thanks.

Lauren, Lauren and Max are gossiping. Now Lauren is doing, is doing that housewives thing Including you Ronnie. Okay, I will then okay, so Lauren Lauren and Max are gossiping now Lauren is doing is doing that housewives thing where she's like can is the coolest girl and everybody respects her So I'm gonna be her friend. Yeah, but now that everyone's turning on her. She's like ah Yeah, it's like wait a minute. What do I do? I want to bully somebody so Lauren and Max are gossiping and he's like What have you heard about the laptop? No, that in all that miss, Hannah between hand his legs or whatever. And Lauren's like, well, I heard that Bucze,

check it out to the restaurant and I showed it to everybody. That's what I heard. And we got more tips. So thanks Hannah. Yeah, and then Max then eventually goes to Adam and then he finally tells Adam all the stuff. He's like, yeah, you know, Hannah thinks your food is crap.

And she doesn't like your food. Oh, it's supposed to be, it's shit at food. She says that's all she says. She just eats your food in the presence of the bath all the time, because she says like food posts. It's like, Ipicac. You know what, say. So Adam's like,

Lauren and Hannah are outside smoking. And Hannah is so che high, I love it. You want to smoke with me, Lauren. She's like, Chef Hannah. You believe all this shit going on? I'm sick, everyone. I hope everybody dies. I was like the Titanic. I'm like, Kathy Bakes, watching the band go down. You know what I'm saying?

No, I was making out to remind my way. Well, let's put it this way, then. The boat blows up. And I'll see shit blowing up. I see it blowing up big. So choose your sword and choose your shield because we're ready for battle. I'm like, winter is coming. I mean, what the hell? Oh, John, no.

All this over a chocolate chip cookie. You need to relax. I'm getting my sword on my shield. There's a dragon out there and the dragon is called Adam the Cookie Monster. Not called a monster for nothing. There's a dragon out there and the dragon is called Adam the cookie monster Not called a monster for nothing First they came for the cookies But I said it was all right because I'm not a cookie and then they came for the yoga parfaits And I said it's fine because I'm not a yoga parfait and then they came from our clan and now we're going to war

Hey worldward, do you think? You can take away my iPad, but you can't take away my freedom. Bugs, he's like, actually that freedom would belong to the boat. That was freedom is what we call our Wi-Fi network. Freedom's just another word for nothing that left to lose when you're not the chief Steve. Freedom's just another word for nothing left to bake because the cookies are all done now. And he's like, yeah. Cookies.

All alone, horticum in a room. No one else ever eats. Oh my god, I've never wanted to cookie more. Why are we talking about cookies so much? What is wrong? Okay, let's change. Let's talk about churros. Okay. when Elf ever eats. Oh my God, I've never wanted to cook you more. Why are we talking like, thank you so much. What is wrong? Okay, let's change. Let's talk about churros.

Okay, because Adam, I knew that Adam was gonna make a shitty churro when he came out and he's like, hey guys, now we've got churros. It's like, okay, okay, I remind the sauntay. Can't wait to see his new movie. So Adam is bringing the troze out without his troze. I hope they were real troze because I once went to that restaurant, Mulhock Bend in our whole park, which people like,

oh my god, Mulhock Bend is great because they have all these vegan food, but they also have like non vegan food. It's so good. You have to go. And I've gone like four times. The food's always been crappy. And one time they sort of like the choros things But they use pizza dough and they were chewy and I was like what the f is this? This is why I don't trust Mohawk bend or I know Choros pizza though. Choros. Yeah, that is just sad. It's like offensive to Mohawks and pizza And you know date of American people and it depends and then and then yes, so

American people and their friends and Ben's yes, so um primary so the primary is now to wrong and she's eating her trotch that is so pretty good yeah she's like make plan of playing make plan of playing like this like all there now listen talk to me what do you need girlfriend? If I were first to, there'd be no snakes on any plane. I'm mortified to be on about with snakes on a plane. Plain shouldn't be on this boat. This is the most unprofessional environment I've ever worked in. If I were first to, I would have set up several different snow trips, but didn't do I see a snow trip? I don't think so. And then the guest says, I would have set up several different snow trips, but I see a snow trip. I don't think so. And then the guest is like, I want a bump!

Hey, give me a bump! I'm gonna do that on the shit, ma'am. I'm gonna take a little bump, just a little. I'll exactly in my teeth. And then randomly, West starts doing the quote unquote slug dance, which is more like an interim, if you ask me. And I resented the fact that they called it a slug slug because last time I checked slugs you not move like that interim's do oh the interim but I like that bugs is like I know where's from college look at where is the infant of the slug dance do this look or back see it's always been in love with was ever since that slug dance. Uh, yes, but unfortunately, Wes has different intentions because he's up late on anchor watch.

And there's this one camera in the bridge that never seems to get anything that needs to be gotten. It's like off in the corner and you only get to see like a hand or a shadow. And Wes is up there and Malia comes to relieve him and he's like, Malia, I'd like to spend more time with you if I could. Maybe she's like, well, maybe we should like sneak off and like, yeah, let's link off, let's do that. And then they start kissing in the corner and the camera zooms in on their hands. I was like, no, cookie sounds.

I like when she went up there. This is what she said to him. It's 3 a.m. or anchor watch. 3 a.m. journal. Yeah. And she goes, hey, Wes, I'm here to relieve you. It's like, oh Really? That's like so slutty. I just got that

She's like, hi, I hear that you have too much nut up here. I'd like to take some. I'd love to take a load off It's like whoa, Malia So the next morning Want to do a load off. It's like, whoa, Maria. So the next morning, we want to do a handoff here, or raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful

take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident not-so-expert-expert. Each week we'll share a parenting story that will have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to,

I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon music or Wondery app So we Max is the next morning Max is like hey there was Crazy morning today. I was waiting for the squawk and the van You know complaining about Ed was cookies when I saw Malia Six in the morning when it's like you did wonder what she was doing up thin Dun dun dun dun And then meanwhile Adam and Hannah they're in the galley and they're talking about how they're gonna be going out for a crew night that night

And I'm like, yeah, well, maybe we should go to like a really good restaurant since apparently my food sucks According to you, huh? So I'll never say to crew food sucked. He's like, hey, did you send my crew food sucked? And everyone hates you. Everyone hates you in the book. Yeah, I think you're losing friends fast. You are losing friends. So if these aren't my friends, it's my money.

And if you're fuck with my money, then you're fucking with me. I'm like, wow, that's the widest version of Candy Burrs I've ever seen in my life. It reminds me of this one time. I think I probably told the story, at least once on the podcast where my, I was up at some restaurant in Los Alivos with my parents and the service was taking forever.

And so my dad whipped out his panted line, and he told the waitress, the next thing that comes to this table, better be our drinks or the check. So she went in and then the owner comes out. And he starts yelling at my dad, like, you don't know what we're going through back there and this is the restaurant industry. I don't know. Like, do you know what it's like to work in a restaurant? If you ever worked in a restaurant, my dad's like, no, but I've eaten in many of them.

And he's like, well, guess what? We took a poll and everyone in the kitchen decided that you are our least favorite customer. He's like, my dad's like, well, my work here is done then. But that's what it reminds me of, like, yeah, guess what? Everyone hates you. Like, great. Geez. It was hilarious.

No one likes you, Danny, Danny, boo, boo. I'm like, could you just, you know, finish, you know, rolling out your pills, buried dough, chrysanthemum dough, into whatever shape you're gonna make it into? Could you just finish rolling out your pills buried dough croissant dough into whatever shape you're gonna make it into Could you just finish pouring out your nor package of onion soup into the water Because the hand is like all I do is sieve soup and salad soup and salad soup and salad and then they do a they cut a montage of like and Here's your onion soup and here's your onion soup and here's your carrot soup, and here's your onion soup, and here's your carrot soup, and here's a fresh salad. It's like I'm drawing a way to bulldom.

You know you're on the losing side of the argument when the producers do a montage, an inditing montage of your food. I mean, it happened to Leon with the beef cheeks. Yeah, it's like the corn dogs on a stick or whatever he was doing over there. Leon was the worst. No one can top Leon's.

Oh yeah, Adam actually seems decent. He just seems like completely stoned all the time and he's doing over there. Leon was the worst. No one can top Leon. Adam actually seems decent. He just seems like completely stoned all the time and he's terrible at fighting. Yes. And he's terrible at manipulating. Like he had him at first, but now he's just so on the losing end. He totally lost.

He knows he lost. And he's still trying. And it's hilarious. Yeah, I think his mood looks actually really good. I just think that like his, his simmering way of arguing is so past, progressive, and oddly villainous. Not like that he's the villain,

but that he reminds me of those sort of cartoon villains the way they talk. That is just kind of like what they have. Yeah, he's just an ass. So she's like, I only care about the guest's food. And he said, oh, like the food that I got is standing over for last night. Oh, so now

we're supposed to be proud when guests give us those because I was first at that and everybody got on me about it. All right. And I'm not sure accounts of the standing ovation when that woman Lauren Kaufman was so drunk that she stood on her chair and then fell face forward onto the deck. Okay, that's not a standing ovation. That's just her being wasted. The lady who had chocolate in her teeth after eating a churro. The lady who was doing a snow angel in Bugsy's table scape, no, I don't think that was. The lady who tried to do the slug on purpose.

That's your time. The lady who actually once tried to actually do a slug. Hey, sexy. Yeah, over here, It's like secondly silly too So now it's like yay it's docking drama so now max is max is doing better max is docking the boat or something like that I don't know was that max and proud a yeah It's your turn to move the boat and he's like, what was easy? It was good. Cool McCat Max. I wouldn't go that far, Benanna. God, I love that banana. What a great banana. So then the guests go off and learn, I think her name

is Lauren Kaufman, but maybe her name is Lindsay Kaufman and she was like, oh my God, we had a great time. Literally, we're sad to go. Literally, we're sad to go literally we're sad to go Like Hannah, I want to tell you a buyers Captain, I want to tell you girl power Bobby. I'm gonna tell you your teeth are weird. You spit in my eye, but you're so really nice and Boxy I wish you were chief sale. Okay, bye So later Lauren and Bugsy are ironing or bugsy's ironing for some reason and Lauren's just saying Oh my god Lauren's saying like oh my god, can you believe that you're ironing right now? Bugsy's like my shokan because I'm a I'm a one-stop shot for everything first you

And uh isn't ironic Lauren's like um Hana is like totally nervous. I think she's gonna blow up and I feel like so in the middle and I really don't want to be in the middle of that Because it's like now I'm in bad and then Hannah's like oh my god things are gonna blow up pick up a sword I don't want to pick up a sword like so much of heavy like I just you know what I was a bully what time and bucks He's like he is my voice don't get into groups Stay off your groups don't get roped. Stay off the groups, don't get roped. Yeah, I don't want to get roped. She's like, I just learned knots.

I don't want to sword. I don't want to shield. Like, I want to be a wizard. Can I be a wizard? Mage and I'll. I don't know how to handle. So, she's totally the girl. My acting like such a turkey?

Stupid. So Captain and Wes have a meeting and the captain's like, So are Wes. Now, you know, I think you're ready for a little more of a responsibility. He's like, oh, go to, like, get a pregnant. We only kissed. I'm sorry to just hit on the camera.

I'm so sorry. You know about the gelato, don't you? We stopped and got gelato when we're supposed to be watching. I guess I'm so sorry. I'm a bad boy. It's so similar to ice cream. Rebel Reboot. What it's so rich so rich So anyway, yes, it's the slog. Who's the slog I did? Come on now. Was it that oh oh no, was it for Brie? Was it for Brie?

Do we celebrate to you, Lally for Brie? Second, here's what you gotta do. I want you to put someone in second command, seconding command. So who would it be? And he's like, well, it's tough, Captain. It wouldn't be Max because, I mean, frankly, Max doesn't really do much, but Master Bake dies here and talk about the ship.

Then there's Malia and Bobby. Bobby has more experience, but Malia grasps things faster. She really knows how to take a hold of something and really hold onto it for a while. She can take a lick and keep taking, you know what I'm saying? When you're drowning, that girl squeezed the hardest and the fastest. Till you're drained. She's like, well, that sounds very talented. You know, the luck draining in ocean is a kind of, how do you think I feel after being on this boat for three months?

So the captain's like, you got to do it. You take on too much, Wes. You know how you put a foe in your hair, then you park the boat and then you map the floor. It's too much west Too much too much you got to delegate some responsibilities. So like maybe teach Bobby how to do something like I don't know how to use a map or How to count to 10 Hey, how about you teach Bobby to keep his retainer in during dinner because it's pretty gross Thank you. Don't lie. How about you teach Bobby had a talk without spraying everyone So they all go out for drinks later and

They have a round of tequila shots and Hannah's just ready to fight with somebody which means Hannah was probably drinking on the boat Yes. Hannah, Hannah's an angry, angry drinker. Like she's fine. Now she's drunk. Now she's drunk. Yeah. If she's sober, she's changed smoking and anger whispering to Lauren.

But if she's drunk, oh my God, forget it. She's, she's going to be a little more. We have a round of tequila. She's like, how about a round of telephone? Like my iPhone, which I was texting, a guest on, on the iPad, which you guys invented at the privacy of. How about that, would you like to order that? Would you like to order that?

I'm like, oh, hey, I have to go to the bathroom. Oh yeah, got the bathroom where you do, I'll take a shit, I'll say what shity, you go onto the iPad, that's what I think. Okay. Isn't Croatia beautiful this time of year? You know what else is beautiful this time of year people who lie just kidding They're the worst and you lie to you. What are you even talking about? I bet Would you guys like to start with something? Yeah, I'd like to start with something

I'd like to start with an apology from people who read a guess emails How about that? How about that? Hey, would anybody like a side dish if I'm sorry? Because yours should be. All right. You know what I think is funny about the Balkan Peninsula? I keep on Balkan at the balls that you guys have at looking at the eye pan looking up my primary charters, text messages. P in this solar. You look at the Ziggler PNesula, okay? You know what's funny about being at the peninsula, the peninsula Beverly Hills is where all the high class hookers go, and guess what, I'm not a high class hooker, I'm not even hooker at all.

I'm just a regular lady. You have a problem with that? Okay, let's talk about it. All right, anybody. Anyone take a shot? I could take a shot at Mr. Jason Ziggler when you invaded his privacy. Anyone? So she's like, I just got a text and you want to look at it. And Max is like, look at that. It's from Mr. John Ziegler.

She's like, I don't know what you said, but I'm thinking that you read that it's from Jason. Is that correct? She's like, sure, dude. She's like, gotcha. Gotcha. And he's like, I think we're seeing enough. And Bob is like, come on, Hannah. It was a prank Come on, you want me to call my mom? She thought it was funny And I was like why are you reading it primary try to guess mischievous? It's what I want to know and Adam's like, oh, yeah, I got her Yeah, got her now making a grilled chicken salad about no one's gonna say anything about it

Yeah, and Axis like not a private iPad's the iPad and the whole boat Hanna. And Nax is like, well, you shouldn't have gone to him. You know, and then you shouldn't have said, well, I thought he'd tick the crew less, wouldn't have the whole thing to say. And then Hanna was like, all right, you know what? He kissed me, oh, I pushed him away. I'm like, I love how the story is getting more.

It's like, originally it was like, he kissed me and then I may have kissed him back for just a little bit but then I- but then I- the next step to way and then I was like, and I kissed him for two seconds and now it's- and then I pushed him away immediately and next it's gonna be like, he kissed me and then I took a sword and I chopped off his penis. And I've told him no means no, mister. And I shoved him off the side of the boat, and he died in the ocean, and now all these text messages are coming from fish at the bottom of the sea. How strange, how old does anyone know what Nemo is? They want to know. She's confessing I got you. I got you. I have shit out of Max's because I'm right. So Max is like, now she's trying to put one on me and Bob's and now we're feeling like

not the boys. Listen, Zora, we tried to prank. Yeah. What are you going to try and get mad at Ashton Kutumar? Not his fault either. Oh, honor. And she's like, well, that's it. I'm going home. Oh, yeah Coming Lauren and Lauren's like, oh my god, what's tonight? There's like, well, if you'd like to come with me, you can come with me. If you don't, you can stay here She's like, I guess I'll stay and she's like, oh, that's it. I'll hate everyone. I'm over this boat. I'm over this crew I'm over this season and that She's like stomps off by herself. Yeah And I'll hate you too, Segal. Segal's like what?

I do So now the next day it's time it's a brand new day and It's time for the preference sheet meeting and we learn the new charter guests are gonna be Jeremy and Marine strong and they're also bringing a woman named Shannon who's a charter broker which means that she basically recommends charters of yacht charters for people. She's essentially a VIP. She's a one woman Yelp and it's really, really important to impress her. So Hannah, I love when it's Shannon saying this, Hannah, I'm not Shannon, Sandy is saying

this, Hannah turns to Adam and goes, so maybe we'll do kind of a fancy dinner, you know? Maybe fancy? I don't mean fancy feast, I mean like, you know, something homemade. I mean, he's like, so you mean Churros? He's like, God, it's Stofer's Lean Quasine. He's like, Velvita and Ground Beef. Little Unyield Packeted, man, God. I just bought a whole bunch of cream and mushroom soup, so we just mix it into some stuff. It'll be fantastic. Well, you know, Shannon's going to have me under a microscope.

Glad I exfoliated. Anyone else? And Sandy goes down to Adam and she's like, now look, I know you stay on your preference list, but I want to see your best cookies, not Dolce. Okay. Cookies, not Dolce. Pretend you're a charter at a chef competition. Let's pretend this is a big yacht competition of chefs.

Okay. I'm going to give you, I'm gonna give you peanut butter, I'm gonna give you chocolate, and I'm gonna give you smell, snail poop. Okay, now let's see what you can do. He's like, you know, when you say food competition, there's a pretty big spectrum, so I'm gonna go with the low-end, food network star. Got it. What the hell is kimchi? Kimchi Like I made a two potato salad with canned potatoes and crumble up potato chips that tastes like a can For your dinner. I have made a new version of meatloaf for the 10th time Today, I've transformed s'mores into s'mores

Look at this fried chicken. Oh and more fried chicken and now fried pork and now fried pork with some fried chicken So Hannah and Buxie have a meeting and Hannah's like look bugs It's not a nice feeling on the onboard at the moment. Yes, I flirted But there weren't messages while he was on board and I need you to know that and Berksy's like Well, that's funny that you say that because when I was looking at it It looked like those messages were during the charter. So I swear on my father's life It started once he was off the boat. Maybe it was a wrong time stamp or something like you really you're swearing on your father's life Anna you're going up against deep jobs, okay?

I mean I know that sometimes do texts do sometimes arrive out of no they little bit, but sometimes they do. But in this case, I'm pretty sure it's a it's a flaming gun, it's a flaming gun too. Girl, these texts. Yeah. You better get that flaming gun out of here. And she's like, there's no way to change the time stamp, but in the effort of friendship and sportsmanship and first stewardship, let's move on. Let's hug it out.

It's all a first, you know, I'd have a much better excuse. So here come the guests. The guests are coming along and like Shannon and Sand, you're like, oh hi, hi, oh oh it's so good to see you again and Wes meanwhile they're up like in in the bridge and Wes is in the bridge with Bobby and Malia and Wes tells that he's giving Malia more responsibility because she's eager to learn so he's like he like has her sit at the steering wheel and Bobby's just like staring off into the distance and he's like and later on he's like gosh I I just feel like like what's playing favorites like I don't know why he never picks me to do anything

It's like because you're staring off into nothing When he because when Wes says who wants to learn something Malia's like I'll learn something and you just stare off. Yeah, you look like you're trying to hold a fart in Yeah, so then down in the kitchen Adam is making in. Yeah, so then down in the kitchen, Adam is making watermelon granita, which is perfectly lovely, but if there's anything that screams low effort dessert, it's a granita. All you do is you pour like basically flavored simple syrup into a thing, into a pan, and put it in the freezer, and scrape it every 30 minutes for an hour. Yeah, but I don't really even trust this yacht broker lady, whatever her name is, Shannon, because when they serve the Grenida,

she goes, is this real or is it from a box? I know. It's like really. It's frozen watermelon. You dumb track. Like what kind of frozen watermelon grinii that comes, watermelon has a texture, especially with its frozen. It's just such a ghetto question. I don't, I'm not really buying this whole yacht broker thing from Shannon. Um, she's like one of those people is a waiter who tries to act super

fancy. but then you serve them the $3 glass of the wine and tell them, yeah, it's $30. I'm like, oh my God, I can taste the blueberries. It's like, no, you can't. You can taste my spit. Yeah, I think I'm literally chewing orbits right now. So yeah, I think that like asking if a granita is from a box is kind of, it is kind of silly because it's, it's icy, icy things like that don't come from a box unless they're a popsicle. Maybe she thought that he took a popsicle and pureed it in the food processor, which probably wouldn't be a bad idea.

But either way, Hannah goes to Adam and she's like, all right, I'm bringing the guests up to lunch in five minutes, and then there'll be about five minutes of one and one, and I'm like, you can just tell me 10 minutes. That's fine. She's like, oh, you motherfucker. Yeah. Yeah. So then Sandy. I'm still mad about the Grenina. Like, I'm, I'm, I open up my Google and I went on to Google boxed waterbell and Grenina.

I didn't even see if it's real. And then I was like, what's wrong with you, Ronnie? Like, really, you're going to do that. That's what you're going to spend this recap doing. So then I closed it. Confession. Okay. Confession time, guys. I like it then I closed it. Confession time guys. I like it. I like it. And we're still winning on a response from Hannah about those cookies, but I think it's probably about 2 AM her time.

So either way, Sandy is just terribly nervous about Shannon. And she's just like, do they look happy? I don't want them waiting. Are they happy? Are they good? She's like fluffing every pillow inside. Like any pillow she can find, she's like, you're kind of taking this plate. Can I do anything? What can I do? What can I do anchor sanctuary? What do you want?

You know people like to chicken dance I'm thinking of going up there and leading them into chicken dance everybody likes that never been to a wedding where people didn't do with the chicken dance Everyone loves it, you know you guys. I have a great idea next time we do the slide list Just put a battery up next to it and see the electric slide Da da da da da da da da da da great idea. Next time we do the slide list, just put a battery up next to it and it's the electric slide. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. We'll let the dogs out. We'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, anybody, anybody, anybody. All right. Hey, Adam, sing that Mola song. He sings the other day. People love that.

All right. Attention, gas at 3 p.m. We will be doing the Macarena. So if that is of interest to you, come up to the Sunday. So the big cliffhanger at the end of the episode is Andy saying, okay, it's time for you to choose a lead deckhand. Who's it gonna be, Wes? And Wiz is like, will? On the one hand, I want to promote Malia, but I don't want to make it look shady. I don't know what to do.

I've been a bad boy. This is a ripple. It's like you got no choice. You have better do it. Dun dun dun dun. Dun dun dun. So now we'll have to see what Bethel's the boat next week when the inevitable

beoch that is Shannon the yacht broker whips something out like, oh, I didn't like how the toilet paper wasn't folded into a triangle. Three stars! Yeah, it was a good Shannon's drink again. Yep. Um, so, that was that. Um, guys, before we end our episode, there is some stuff we have to do, which is we have to go visit our old little

Krapins Malbaugh, you're there for some crap and smell bag Ronnie? Well, hell yes! We have two questions left in our mail bag before we fill it back up again. The first one comes from Souvlaki who says, I was thinking southern charm as the intro, but this may be something else actually, but she's, I think she actually answered her own question. Okay, Souvlaki, never mind. I'm realizing now she was doing a follow-up thing to a question we already asked. I'm sorry, so we have only one question, but hello Souvlaki, thank you anyway.

Benjamin Cohen who says, if you could be a public relations consultant for housewife that is unfavorable with the public Who would you take on as a client? What would they have to do to do and what would they have to do in order to win over the public? And I just want to say by the way before we answer this question, that we exclusively broke the news that the new real housewife of Beverly Hills is Teddy Mellon Camp and then promptly everyone else took credit for it. Is this Mellon Camp from a box?

I think so. So I just had to give ourselves some credit for what we did. So who would you take on Ronnie as an unfavorable housewife if you were a public relations consultant? Well, I don't know if you want me to fix you. That's the first thing. I don't know that anybody would really need me to fix them. But I think the person, and this is stupid because she's already the most popular, but I think the person who needs the most advice is Vanderpump. Because people hate her so much, and really all she has to do is give a legitimate apology

for anything ever, and not like a... Oh darling, I'm sorry that you're so sensitive about cheating on your husband and breaking up a family. I would never hurt your feelings if I didn't think it took. You took great joy in being a human wrecking ball on the emotions that you crashed forever. You know, just say like, I was being a bitch to you at a dinner party and I'm really sorry. I was being caddy because I was drunk and teasing you. And it was mean and insensitive. And I wouldn't hurt your feelings on purpose and I will be more sensitive

next time. It's like boom. Yes, I think someone has to tell this event about how to apologize and people have tried to Kyle has tried to but she just has to learn. It's so easy she has the easiest out in the world and she's still incapable of doing it so silly. I think it's like someone who is unfavorable with the public. I don't know, maybe like Jacqueline Lareda, what could I do to say of Jacqueline Lareda? What would I tell her to do? I would tell her to maybe, I don't know, go away for a while and when she's gone, do something like take a class and something. Well she did that. She didn't go away long enough. She's to go away and

never come back and then when she does come back we'll be like oh her but like do something useful. I don't know. I don't know if she she may be a lost cause. I don't know how you saved Jacqueline LaRida. I've never heard anyone be like oh my god. I love Jacqueline the Rita and she has just been around for so she just hangs around Even though she's gone this season She still will come back somehow. So I think that Jacqueline the Rita my advice to her would be to maybe like work on growing up a little bit And like stopping learn how to not be whiny in your fights and pick better fights and like go after targets like if you're going to go after Teresa go after Teresa in a better way.

Yes, exactly. Teresa has so many things you can take her down with, but don't just come on like I'm going to take somebody down and then be on a team of people who weren't even on the show anymore. Yeah. It was really stupid to be on team Kathy. Kathy is not on that show. Team Rosie, Rosie's not.

So she's getting with all these people and talking and getting all these plans together to go after Teresa, but they're not even there. And she's not going to get the new people against Teresa because they want to keep their jobs and they know Teresa's never getting fired. Don't go after Melissa Gorgah. That was stupid. She was like your friend. And don't make a huge fight

because that random lesbian chick sat on your lap. And you're like, I was in danger. Don't do that. She's wanting to fight, but not for good reasons. And she's a good fighter. And the thing about her, she's actually likeable most of the time. She's really funny.

She always would have fun back at the old days. It's just when she gets in that desperate, like, need to be liked by being hateful. Yeah. Spiral that she gets into. I don't know that there is helping her. I think that some people are just unhelpable. They're just going to crash and burn and that's what makes them good TV. Yeah. I would also give some advice to Monique on Potomac and say, stop talking about anything that you have. Don't talk about houses that you own or wine, that's $200. Don't mention price tags, don't mention material objects because you can't help yourself

and it's annoying and you need to be the one that is chopping everyone down. And if you start bragging about your houses and your cars, whatever, then you are diminishing your position, because then everyone's like, oh, this one, you know? Just be a badass and take everyone down. Yeah, exactly, I'm with you. Some of them I just think are hated for little reasons

that they can fix like Vanderpump. Some of them are hated for huge reasons and then they go to extreme measures. I mean, Tamra has been, what Tamra has done has been pretty amazing and she did just what everybody on death row does. Yeah. You know, just start saying Jesus a lot until you're put on parole. Yeah. And the audience really has. You know what? When in doubt, follow Tamer's lead. She always knows who to turn on every single season. Like don't do something stupid. Don't be like Anna on Real House's Miami going against Leah Black.

Okay? Because everyone likes Leah Black. And she was arguably probably the most popular person on Miami. And Anna tried to take down Leah at the reunion and it's like I know you want to make your big move I know you want to make your fight but you got to be like in tune with who you're fighting it never works to go against the one that the audience loves a lot of housewives should learn that lesson by now you should always pay attention to the ones that the

audience does not like that's you go after don't go after the fan favorites it's not gonna you're not gonna this is not like. That's who you go after. Don't go after the fan favorites. It's not going to, you're not going to, this is not King of the Hill. When you go after this person at the top, you're not going to, you're never going to take them down. All you're going to do is make yourself look foolish. And if you look at all the history of the housewives, it's very rare that somebody takes somebody else down and makes them look bad. It's always a person taking themselves down. I mean, the best thing you could really do on these shows is just give people enough rope to hang themselves. Like, you don't attack them. Just wait for them to do it themselves and let them. Yes.

Set them up to fail, but don't try to make them fail yourself. Yeah, there's no, it doesn't, you're not able to ever take anyone down. And even if you were able to take someone down, you don't automatically get their spot. I mean, the women did a pretty good job of taking down Vicki, but Vicki was never like an unabashed favorite. Vicki was always someone who was just kind of like terrible, but we kind of love her because she's been around for so long and iconic in her own way,

but we're happy to see people trash on her, but just because they trash on her doesn't mean that someone then ascended to take her place. It just meant that there's V he was just taken down a notch. Doesn't, doesn't ever elevate you to get into a big feud. Maybe the difference would be Melissa Gorga and Teresa and Melissa Gorga's first season. But that's again, where, if you think about it,

Melissa Gorga came in and she seemed perfectly nice and Teresa was just horrific to her and we're all like, fuck Teresa, you know? Yeah. But even that, you know. Yeah. But even that she's still people still love her. Yep. And look what Melissa did. She's like, okay, well, I'll just, you know, make friends with Teresa and

everything's going to be better. And then it makes me hate her more because she's just obviously kissing asked to be. She's like wearing her, her baseball cap with her store logo on it to watch Jill get, uh, Joe get taken to prison. I mean, look at Lisa Rina. She was she tried she tried to take down Vanderpump like many others. She failed. And but you know what she did? She immediately was like, okay, well if I can't beat her, I'm going to join her up again. And even though they have a very

uneasy friendship, Rina was smart in genuinely affecting to Vanderpump any chance that she could get all last season. Yeah, because people can root for you more when you're going after someone who went after you first. Yeah. In a way. Yeah, exactly. Go for the ease. Go for the low hanging fruit. A lot of times saying go for the low hanging fruit is often considered to be a negative thing in life. But when it comes to bra Bravo, low hanging fruit is ripe for the taking. Yes, toddler. That's otherwise toddlers wouldn't have eaten in the old days, you know? Yeah, that's right. That's right. All right, well, we're after this bitch up. Shall we, Ben? Yeah, well, close up that mail bag. By the way, if you want to contribute to the Watcher Crapids Mailbag, just go to patreon.com

forward slash WatcherCrapids and you just support the podcast at the Mailbag level or above. And you can submit questions. So everyone have a wonderful weekend. We hope that we don't get too far in the way of you buying your tickets to our live show. And we'll talk to you all on Monday for some more show, the Shaws of Sunset Season premiere. Should be exciting. Talk to you later, guys. Bye! Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today.

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