Watch What Crappens - BelowDeckMed: The Final Napdown
Episode Date: August 9, 2017Below Deck Mediterranean finishes up its season with triangle reveals, insincere hugs, and one final nap. Enjoy! **ALSO ANNOUNCEMENT! Jeff Lewis, Gage Edward and Jenni Pulos are going to be o...ur special guest on the Setp 2 Live Show! Get tickets at watchwhatcrappens.com. Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts!
It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates.
Cameras off! Voice only!
Launching during Pride!
Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes,
Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few.
Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.
For all of our bonus episodes and premium content,
become a member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends
That's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends
You can also find us on social media on Twitter. We're at what crap ends on Instagram and Facebook at watch what crap ends
We'll see you there I have cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cr Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors me a handsome low-hawk
Christy Dowerty just saying Kelly Barlow and Cindy Gerson
We love you girls
Hello, and welcome to watch what crap ends the podcast about all that crap
We love to talk about on Yule Braves our money Karen'm Ronny Karen from Trash Talk TV and the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast.
And here I am with my positive, gorgeous, amazing, and inspiring little friend Ben Mandelker
of the B-side blog of the banter blender.
Hello, Ben.
Oh, hi there, Ronnie.
How are you?
So good.
How are you doing, babe?
I am so excited.
This has been such a fun week with all our announcements.
Like it's the response.
It's been so cool.
And in case you miss them, our first big announcement is that for our LA show.
We've got Jeff Lewis, Jenny Poulos, Gage Edward, all the three stars of flipping out.
They are coming to our live show in September in LA, September 2nd.
Go to watchacrapins.com to get tickets for that.
You don't know what they're going to say.
They rarely do live shows.
This is a big treat and a big honor for us.
So we are thrilled for that and we're also going to be recapping Real House as a New
York scary island, which will be super fun.
And there's going to be all sorts of cool stuff.
We're selling watchacrapins, magnetic poetry that you can only get at the live show. So it's just, it's
gonna be awesome. So I'm excited about that. And then of course, we also have our Chicago
show. September 27th, um, at Lincoln Hall, those tickets go on sale on Friday. Uh, we hope
we're doing two shows in one night. We really hope people come all across the Midwest,
darling to come see that because that'll be amazing too.
So yeah, we're having some very, very exciting month over here at
Watchwick Crapins.
It's going to be so great to see you.
We're going to in September, we're going to be seeing you on the
second and the 27th.
Yeah, a lot of crap and people to be hanging out within one month.
Yeah, just go if you just go to watchacrapans.com,
information on the shows will all be there. So just go and we are excited to meet all of you,
especially those in Chicago, we haven't we haven't been to the Midwest with our show,
so this is going to be great. Yes, and also I would like to announce that I'm very sad today as well as being very happy.
It's a big mistake because this is the final full episode of Blow Deck Med.
It's the final nap time.
Hmm, I know, so sad, but well, there is a reunion too, so we have that.
But it's like the final like episode on the boat
I know oh wait before we get into below deck and I just make one other little mini announcement
Well, who might have say no you do what you do?
Well, you are the co-host so you can say no, but on Wednesdays, we normally do listener spotlight
and
I don't have any entries right now
So if you are a listener spotlight person if, if you do that, please check your Patreon messages
or emails because we are looking for entries.
And so just double check those and send those in so we can have your lovely voice on our
podcast in the next few weeks.
That would mean a lot to us.
Thank you.
Do it.
That was it.
Final nap time. Final nap time. Back to the final nap time.
Back to final naps, guys. So Ben, what things did you go into this finale
episode wanting to have solves? Like what are your storylines that you just need
tied up? Well, I wanted to know what happened to all those unused onions that Adam had to deal with.
I wanted to know who Malia was truly in love with.
I wanted to know Will Wes ever reunite with his birth parents, Lisa Vanderpump and Kent
Todd, sister Pandora.
Oh, Lord.
Okay.
Well, let's open from the beginning.
Yeah.
Hannah's lazy.
He's kidding.
montage.
The montage of Hannah taking maps, smoking,
and then taking more naps.
What is my favorite asshole edit of the season?
And I feel like the more that Bravo shows that montage,
the more it seems like people seem to really like Hannah. They're like like you go girl. So I know you get those naps in honey. Nana's really
Hannah's really the only one who took the captain's advice. She's the only one who followed the rules
Yeah, she really did if you think about it
It's kind of hilarious. That's what all sandy wands it was for people to map more and Hannah's just following orders
Yeah, following orders. Yeah.
She's following orders, honey.
This is funny.
Following orders.
Oh, good.
So what do we, we started split Croatia
because everybody's having a fight.
Yeah.
And Max and Wes are in the bunk.
And wait, Max and Wes, so I mean Adam and Wes.
No, I don't know.
Adam and Wes. Adam's showing Wes the same thing. So he's like. No, I don't know Adam and Adam.
I'm showing Wes the story. So I'm like, dude, I'm sure you've
known this time. I beat. And I don't care. But you got to know that
girls are fucking liar. I've got 23 texts. 23. And I like you. But
this whole got in the way. She got in the way of our brohood.
Bro Ham. You know that night in the wheel she got in the way of our brohood bro ham you know that night in the
wheelhouse I did a cross reference and he'd look at these 23 texts hamps pumping and octopus
emojis bro that's why next season I'm gonna be on CSI cool stuff isn't it? If this were a train instead of a yacht, I'd time a lea down to the train tracks.
Until a real hero came to rescue her, it would have been me, but you're a younger and
run faster.
So she let you do it even though she was texting that she wanted to.
Fuck me.
It's like she's low as lean and I'm Superman and I'm here to save her and she says,
no, dude, I don't want to be saved. I want to I want to hang out with Robin not even Batman Robin doesn't make sense
You know what a girl does that
You may be Batman, but nobody really appreciates what Robin goes to you on a daily basis
Do you ever think about how Batman and Superman could be best friends if it weren't for Vicki Bell
Do you ever think about how Batman and Superman could be best friends if it weren't for Vicki Bell?
Like any old story
Old as the Babel the whole of ruins everything for the brass
She's a hot breaker love-taker
Won't you I don't know what the rest that song is because it's written by a hotbreaker a self-papenitar, I don't like her. She got in the way of us, Wes.
We could have been friends except for Papenitar.
PSI'm 47.
No way.
Yeah.
PSI still write things down on an Apple II GS.
That's how I roll.
Ha.
Ha.
I like print shop, and I like Bank Street Press.
I like Clip Art, but I'll never be able to look at
this hands up or octopus emojis again. You know it's a great piece of Clip Art, that
old-fashioned finger bought into the left or sometimes bought into the right, but it looks
like it's from Victoria Towns, but it's not, it's Clip Art. So good. So Wes is like,
well, I've got you, bro. Thank you very much for letting me know.
It's been lovely finding all about Malia
through my true bro, Adam.
Now I need to know who the real Malia is.
Just kidding, I know she is.
She's someone who likes me,
but I'll just pretend like I wanna know.
I've been hurt in the past,
and I have to protect more rebel's soul.
Well, this is just like thanks for the casserole.
Like thanks for stopping by and welcoming the neighborhood,
welcome, you meet at the neighborhood, bra.
I once was really hit because one time I had a new mattress and said,
do not remove this tag, punishable by law.
And I was like, I'm going to remove it.
And my friend Betsy said, yes, let's do it.
And then as I was cutting it, she said, don't do it.
I don't want you to do it.
But it's too late. I'd already cut the cutting it, she said, don't do it. I don't want you to do it. But it's too late.
I don't already cut the tag off.
Such a trial.
I've been hit.
So then we get my favorite kind of revenge,
doing just what the other person wanted you to in the first place.
Yeah.
And it's like, oh, I'm going to get revenge on Buggie.
I don't understand a second Steve criticizing my work.
It's not cool.
You want to see what a hard working Steve is?
Let's go, honey
We're a family just working harder
Yeah, I was like you're doing exactly what she asked you to do. She's like, oh, I just want you to make an all harder
I want you want to see me work harder. Well, then watch me work harder. Show you. Hello there, Pimp
Mr. Pimp client. I
Vind you shit. Do you want to frisk shit? Hey, why don't we call you a fresh shit McMahon how about that he's like
uh thanks guess what I starched it too how about that look at that buggy I'm
starching carlers I ironed your move where's your starch honey and right when she
started to recover I put a candy dish out in the living room, even
though no one told me to.
Ben!
Ben!
I separated out the regular forks from the cake forks.
Ben!
And I love that the editor is concentrated on the really important storylines, even if
they don't get a full scene.
Because in the next transition scene scene we get like dance music
it's like and it's Lauren folding napkins peacefully with a smile on her face.
It's like she's come so far.
Is there anything Lauren can't do? She was raised in the hospitality industry and this is the
culmination of her efforts. Folding napkins pleasantly. Yeah, it's like, remember when I was crying about folding napkins,
it was hard.
Now look at me.
Look at the first time I'm alive.
Hi, five.
No, two soon.
OK.
So dinner service is coming up.
And it seems like just an hour before dinner, maybe 45 minutes.
Who knows?
But we get a very important message from,
what's his name, Jerry, Jerry, the guy.
He's like, Paul, he needs to go to the store to buy shoes,
can someone take her?
So, here we go.
So of course, Bobby is on Paula babysitting duty.
I mean, wasn't this the plot of first daughter, am I wrong?
Sorry, the babysitter, the great adventure and babies or adventures and babysitting.
Sorry, it's hard to claim.
Is this like the great master's active?
That was a reach.
These are all of our company.
Yeah, so I like to tease these.
You know that they're like discount group on hose because they don't even try and hide
their disdain.
Yeah. One goes, I'm slowly getting drunk. And the other one goes, I
can tell. Oh no, the second John tells a bit, but I think I'm slowly getting
drunk. It's like, I can tell. Drucky. It's like, what's with these rude,
judging hose? Yeah, shouldn't you be laughing and being like, you're so funny.
So Bobby is't listed into shopping
bodyguard service.
And he's like, oh, there's perks to going shopping
with girls.
They try stuff on.
They show it to you.
They're modeling for you.
It's hot.
I'm wearing my best old spice for this one.
They show them putting on teotrent.
And it's like trying to find a payless shoe store
in fucking Crowe sir, whatever.
Yeah, exactly.
So while they all head off, then Jerry goes up to Hannah
and I was like, guess what Hannah?
You're a better stew.
You're so much nicer and sweeter and friendlier
and more lovable.
You're just like a real woman now.
And she's like, oh, that's good.
Well, I wish I could say the same for you.
I've gotten better at my job and you've gotten worse at your job managing poor,
surly hookers.
So let's see, uh, Bobby walks the hose in town as they piggyback each other and
giggle, right?
Yeah.
Piggy back ride.
But we know this is going to go dreadfully wrong because the primary
Jerry wants dinner at 830 and he's very adamant about 830.
Sure enough, they all go out into town and then two girls like we want to go here and two
girls want to go there. And you know what, this is, this is, they're like we are so sick of
having to laugh at this guy's jokes and having to sip out of the same milkshake.
Please let us just have a moment in split.
And they're just amazed by everything they see because it looks like these hosts have
the freedom and the luxury of traveling around the world, but they're in like little spiritual
cages, you know.
So just watching them like skip around the cobblestone streets and say things like, Oh my God, that's ice cream. I'm gonna go look at it.
So it says that they just look at the ice cream.
Yeah, it's a comb store. Whoa.
It's a fidget spinner. Oh no, it's just a dead turtle.
That's a stop sign spelled wrong. Let's get a picture.
turtle. That's a stop sign spelled wrong. Let's get a picture.
And then the pimps are a line at the table like I don't think they're coming back. And the other one goes it's like hurting cats. You're literally hurting pussy
with the only fuckable guy on this boat. What are you people doing? Yeah.
Wait, I take that back. Max is also fuckable. And there was a scene with Max getting ready in a towel. And little Max has a big one. I don't understand why he has to
see their highlights because he's packing.
Well, good for Max. So the first batch of girls come back. It's 8.50 and now Jerry is hungry and angry. He's hangry, if you will. And he's just waiting, he's like, where are the girls? Where are the girls? And then at nine o'clock, finally, Paula and her friend
are like the last one on the boat.
And now Jerry is fully mad.
And he starts barking at Paula to come sit down at the table.
And the girls are all like, we got separated.
And so Jerry goes, who's responsible for that?
They all go, Bobby comes like, you girls are adults. You're not topless
Okay, the only way to make these idiots happiest to be like
Exactly
And they just blame and they I mean they knew exactly what they were doing and of course they just blame Bobby
I'm like come on now. Well, you know Bobby's making a mistake of trying to get some free pissy from Paula.
That's true too.
That's like it would just stand around.
It's like, you're not going to be the only bitch rescued fake butt.
So, down in the crew, the crew mess, Max and Bugsie are sitting there talking while Malia's
going through a box of prepackaged salads to like see if any of them had an extra
side of spinach.
No, it's not there.
Yeah.
Max is like, boozey, I'm not mad, I just want the truth.
And she's like, well, I don't even know what she said.
I just wrote Bugsie and then I wrote Malia still looking through boxes as a salad for
spinach.
And I have something that Hannah asks Bugsie to check
a printer upstairs for menus and I'm just imagining Bugsie saying,
if I were first to have a printer on this floor not upstairs,
inkjet doesn't last forever.
I wouldn't have an it's not have a huge back and.
And then we cut back to the pints and they're all mad about the girls and
we can't live with them.
Right after herding cats, you two are really cat-skilling it tonight.
Oh, yeah.
I should mention that 915, there are two more hose that come in last.
And so now at 45 minutes after dinner, everyone's finally there.
So this is a part of this dinner scene.
They all finally get to dinner and Paula picks up the oil to put it on her salad.
And she's like trying to figure out how to pour it.
Because there was actually no salad on her plate yet.
She was just like drizzling it on an empty plate.
Patterns like this. Yes. actually no salad on her plate yet she was just like drizzling it on an empty plate pattern looks like death's all so the pimps like hey lady if you could pick one guy on this trip who's the best who would it be and she's like booby he's like where is he
I'm not happy right now she has stupid cherry fucking things so he's like, where is he? I'm not happy right now. Yeah, this is too scary fucking things
So he's like, I want to talk to the captain
So and then so they they go fetch someone fetches the captain and then while they're waiting for Sandy to show up
Jerry tells the girls
No comment. I talk to the captain. I was like, you're so disgusting
He's a not your children. Yeah, because if he doesn't tell them to shut up
They say things like we all like Bobby best. You're the only one that does and he's like, yeah
Bring me some tape to put over these bitches mask
so
So they wake up Sandy from her little nap her her her little nighttime nap also known as sleeping a long nap and
her little nighttime map also known as sleeping a long nap. And Jerry's like, yeah.
So I'm mad because Bobby lost two of the girls.
And this is in the pro-prior, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, dude, you're the one who asked Bobby
to take the girls shoe shopping an hour before dinner.
What did you expect would happen?
Of course, everyone could be on time.
Do you think these girls can just go to a store
and find something in 15 minutes and be back?
No.
I was okay with the Tinder thing.
Well, yeah, you set that up.
Like what, you're gonna get mad at people
for being on Tinder.
Yeah, like they were on the clock.
Yes, stupid idea.
You're the one who set up that date.
He's like, it wasn't cool that Bobby took ball
on a day in a Jetsky. I want Bobby on anchor watch. Yeah, I mean the one who set up that date. He's like, it wasn't cool that Bobby took part on a date.
And then jet ski.
I want Bobby on anchor watch.
Yeah, I mean, he actually said he's trying to take my place.
It's like no, your place is like being old and misogynistic
and disgusting and controlling with your money and buying sex.
Bobby's is just being a misogynist who's disgusting
and poor and doesn't buy sex.
Yeah, at least Bobby, you know, at the very least he works on his body, okay?
Yeah, he's getting it for free in your pain. Huge difference.
So, I just wrote this random thing down, Hannah tells Adam,
Hey, do you pronounce this? And he goes, don't worry about it.
Just call it a potato croquet.
Well, because she said, I wrote that down also,
because she was like,
Hey, do you pronounce this?
You, you call?
And he's like, uh, no, you come.
You call?
You call?
Don't tell me you call.
Don't tell me you call, I am.
All I am.
He's like, it's not about that.
It's a potato bar.
We're on a garlic. building here your potatoes, honey
So then the captain comes down she's got her eye makeup the kind of smeared all one eye
Which means that we're similar and both sleep in the fetal position
Which is why we read so much help self-help and if anyone's wondering how I know that it's because when Kate
help. And if anyone's wondering how I know that, it's because when Kate Chastain came on our Google Hangout, she was like, gal, like at that captain, she's like, go look at her website.
It's hilarious. So we pulled it up. And it's like captain Sandy here, given some spiritual guidance.
I'll be going on tour with the women's life building, positive thinker, Mary, and so and so.
And the big hearted because she works on getting a bigger heart every day by
understanding other people in the human race, Joanne so and so see you there.
Joanne so and so like the longest website copy ever.
Which is also say that clearly she just woke up from an app. So like the longest website copy ever.
Which is also say that clearly she just woke up from an app.
Yeah.
She slept fetal. It's what I'm trying to say.
Yeah.
So, um, yeah.
So now Jerry has complained to Captain Sandy.
And now Bobby and Paula have been separated and Bobby and Paula are texting and Jerry's
watching.
Jerry's watching Paula texting Bobby angrily at the table.
He's like,
How many of the guy names did you just say in what sense?
I don't even know.
It was like, I think I just like fell into like a few you could say.
It's like, Bob, it was so many white guy names.
I was like, Jerry then Bobby.
Paul and Chris and Matt.
Blake. It's awful. I'm going down
to go down the path. I'm losing my mind. I'm sorry. So what are you doing? You lost the
horse? Come on. He left two holes behind. Come on, Bobby. He's like, this gathered.
So now Jerry wants to go out and goes out to a club with all the gals and wants some people from the boat to come with him and
So Hannah's gonna go with him and max and some others, but Hannah's putting bugs on dish duty and bugs is all angry
Of course, oh yes, I'm the one who stays back and does dishes way to preview self-hina and
Like are you telling me you would actually prefer to be out in the club with Jerry and his gang?
I think how does the worst end of the deal here? You are gonna stare at judgment lately here
If I were first do you want getting the cage?
um
And the hose are so mad because they just had to sit through that entire rib eye dinner and they're like,
I want a milkshake because you're going to need to stake.
And so the main pimp makes Paula the main host day home and it takes a lot of.
Well, because originally it was Bobby wasn't so Bobby was supposed to be put on anchor duty And he was not allowed to come to club that was his punishment
But then Paul is like, well, he's not going to the club. I'm not going to club. I'm here
So then Jerry's like, well, fuck that. They're not allowed to stay on the same boat. So Jerry's like Bobby
You
I've worked on something here. It doesn't even make sense. You don't know of Dean or, oh yeah, he was like,
Bobby, let me start my little scene over.
Bobby, you know, when you're flirting with Paul,
you don't know of Dean or I, or interested in her.
It's just not cool, like maybe one day to her,
maybe one of Boone, you know, it's not cool what you did.
I'm like, you know what, Jerry, you're the one
who put Bobby on that stupid date, okay? And second of
all, you may have money, but I guarantee this hoe is not interested in you, okay? Because
if she were, she would not have gone hung out with Bobby and gone on the jet ski. So just
calm down and stop treating this woman like she's a piece of tin foil.
Yeah. Well, that's, you know, that's broke code. He's basically rewarding the guy who had who is
manly enough to like get free sex from the hoe that he paid for. Like he's got
to respect it, right? But then he's punishing the hoe for bad customer
service. And it's really not more than that. I don't think. I mean, he's a
massage-anistic pig. And I think he's like, well, how dare she? Like, it's like a
waiter sitting down at the table and then ordering off the menu and still
making you pay for it.
It's like, what the fuck?
It's all so vile.
Now, I've never seen in decent proposal,
but I feel like this isn't this what happens.
It's like, okay, Dammy Moore,
you have sex with this person for the money
and then they start like, relationship.
He's like, no, you got, like, he gets mad at the person
for falling in love with Dammy Moore.
I don't know.
I just know that Shade plays,
but what's important here is that Jerry
You started it you you create the stupid date scene and you keep treating Paula like she's just some toy you have
And she is she literally is that's what you get when you're a dumb hoe. I mean, that's what you're selling
You know, it's not that's fine. She's gonna be treated like that in real life. I would hope it is disgusting
And that's the thing you know, especially in both her things
That's all the problem with being a hoe I don't even think you should have that much aim about it. If you're hot and want to sell your body, go for it. But this is the depressing thing.
You are a product.
It's exactly.
So, um, but then Jerry's like, why did you outsource this customer?
Soon, it's God damn it.
He's like, all mad.
He won't press too.
But then, Jerry, but the thing is this Jerry's desire to want to be like a young,
virile, and then he's like,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, customer soon, it's God damn it. He's like all mad. He won't press too. But then juror, but the thing is this Jerry's desire to want to be like a young
virile man overtakes him and he's like, but you know what Bobby? I forgive you
because you're a man and not a woman. So therefore you should come out with us
anyway. Yeah. Go get changed. You're right. You're right. You're right.
I mean, I'm like you. So then, but then I actually felt bad for Bobby because, you know, he gets in trouble
for some of this guy set him up for and he's like, dude, although I don't feel bad for
Bobby because he should have had better common sense than to get involved with this stupid
mess.
I don't know.
I'm all over the map.
It's actually so many layers on this show.
So many layers.
So over at the, over at the club, the girls are like,
baby, and they're like hanging all over Bobby.
And Bobby's like, hey, bro, I'm really sorry.
And he's like, we all make mistakes.
That girl could make anyone weep.
I just vomited right on my bed at that point.
Just like, fully, there's like a stain there.
I just threw up. I my bed at that point. Just like, fully, there's like a stain there. I just threw up.
I was like, I can't get the stain out
because it's just, it's permanent and so disgusting.
So they moved to the next club and one of the host guys,
can we get a magnet?
Which I don't know why I thought that was so funny.
Because Magnum is a, is a, is a gay night in West Hollywood
for basically, it was like, well, Magnum, what is a Magnum? It's a huge condom. It's like the big giant condoms for big
leaves. It's one of three things. It's a huge condom. It is a huge bottle of wine, and
it is also an ice cream product, shilled by Richel Dilsen. It is also a gun. And a gun.
That's actually what it primarily is. It is also. It is also
a prime. He is also a game. I'm from television.
That's wrong. The PI. So anyway, the whole gang is out. Well, except for West is not there
by the West is back on the boat feeling sad. I don't know where it seemed. So they're
all in the club. And Hannah has arranged for them to get into the club. And Hannah
arranges for Jerry and for Bobby to get into the club and Hannah arranges
for Jerry and for Bobby to get into the cages that are hanging over the dance floor.
So we're sort of seeing that Hannah's not as lazy as she looks because she can pull strings
and she knows how to treat these people to a good time.
Yeah.
She's like, see we're only the strippers who are allowed to go and there's big metal cages
hanging up there.
I've earned one for you.
He's like, thanks, Hannah.
You're way less of a bitch this year.
She's like, thank you.
Would you say that in front of Boogsy?
You know, Hannah must be really good at her job
because getting any club degree to have Jerry Danson,
one of its cages must have required a lot of elbow greasing.
Like, I'm sorry.
There's no club that would ever allow that man
to be publicly displayed. And then this guy just keeps wanting to compete with Bobby even though
he's gonna lose every time he's like hey, but Bobby and the other one so Bobby
gets in the other cage and starts stripping and of course he's got a gorgeous
body and when he's like woohoo, he's like this is his magic mic moment. I'll bet his
dreams are coming true. And then the Pimp goes, that was fun, too bad Palace not here.
Pass.
Yeah, exactly.
Palace like at home,
reading Justayevsky.
So afterwards,
they're heading back to the yacht and he's like,
Bobby, you bring those girls in the hot tub or new tip.
You're about to get just the tip drunk ass.
Those girls are gonna come through
with some napkin holders to get some revenge on you.
So he goes into the hot tub, that may no sense,
but just picture it anyway.
So the big guy's in the hot tub wasted
and the crew's watching him on camera,
and he falls asleep and Max is like,
well, even those stars have got help help them and see a bird with a broken
leg and a straight leg.
You know this running over, you move it out the straight, people who drown in hot
haves don't live good tips.
You could take a snake out of the snake but still by the carpet, you know what I mean, take
it out of the hot tub, simmering a hot tub like a piece tube, it's not a piece tube because
no pees in the pot, just ger it in the pot the pot So late night they get him to go to bed so late night max finally and he's like I mean where's five?
Smily yeah, and he's like late toog and then they hug and he's like how do you love someone you can't trust?
Sup stop making it sound like you're getting married. You're like
Fucking one of your important like the hot girl employee, okay?
Let's stop making this like pretty woman.
Like a truly romantic story.
Stop saying lyrics to a Peter Satera song
that was never published.
Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards
of a parent's life.
But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable.
I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest
and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt
Brown all are, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting
story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking.
Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there.
We'll talk about what went right and wrong.
What would we do differently?
And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll
feel less alone.
So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen
to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts, you can listen ad-free
on the Amazon Music or Wondery app.
How do you love someone you could never trust?
Yeah, it doesn't even rhyme.
Yeah, well, that's maybe it had a second layer, layer like how do you kiss someone and
not touch her bust
Very bad song. That's why it was unpublished
But it would have still played during this scene because it's 4 a.m. And Bobby has to walk Paula to her
Airport shuttle, which was the original title to the matchbox 20 song. It's 3 a.m. and times it whatever was
got. I'm sorry. Time to admit to myself, did I? I'm really poor.
She's like, well, you got here on the helicopter. You're leaving on an airport
settle. What a fuck. So they make out for a little while and I was like, oh my god,
that poor girl is walking back into porness,
tasting like Bobby. And Bobby, by the way, is not being
recommended whatsoever by the fact
that he made out with the girl.
Like after weeks of Hannah getting it
or last season Danny getting it,
Bobby, no, no one, nothing.
Yeah, no one cares.
So in the morning,
Malia walks through the kitchen,
she's like, good morning.
He's like, yeah.
It was so fun.
Adam is just specific because there are any number of people that are making that noise for any different number of reasons. and she's like, good morning. And he's like, yeah. It's so bad.
Adam is just specific because there are any number of people
that are making that noise for any different number of reasons.
So I wrote Max's pack and I already talked about that part.
Well, everyone's, so the thing is this, the guests are leaving.
So everyone like the guests, it's basically a montage,
guests are leaving.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
And Jerry, he goes and he, like, you know,
they line up and they're all leave.
It's like hugs goodbye.
And Jerry's like, you know, sometimes the actions
of one have consequences for many.
And they like close up on Bobby.
And I think there was a commercial
where he comes back and Jerry's like,
but I'm not that kind of guy.
So money for everyone. At least when
it comes to man, everybody gets extra tip. Now for the holes, no one's getting milkshakes
for another five days. Now I start a little thing last season. You may remember, no, no,
no one remembers. No, no one really paid attention to me last season
Okay, great, well I started thing last season called the MVP tip and this time it goes to Hannah
Yeah, the first time it went to the
The deck handy was trying to fuck one of my hosts, but couldn't and this year
It's going to Hannah who actually
Got me in one of the cages that I normally buy these
hose out of and let me know how sad it feels for about five seconds.
This MVP tip goes to Hannah.
She ironed a shirt for me and started to call her and I sort of got to have never seen
a suit do such work.
I mean, Demada Velbo greets you, probably put into ironing that shirt.
Wow, just above and beyond.
It's like cut to bugs. He'd be like
You know I unfolded in napkin and it just felt like it was folded so peacefully
I'd like to thank Lauren
So Hannah goes oh some people would keep the tip but I'm gonna split it because mama told me keep your friends close to
the enemies closer. I was like here's another revenge they hear totally not benefiting from.
I never refuses to benefit in revenge. Yeah she's like I worked hard and I'm getting less money
take that. So then there's like the tip meeting and this guy gives him the best tip of the season. Plus with a
Hannah's tip, it's like even better. And guess what guys? I'm taking everyone
to dinner tonight. Captain Sandy just doing it for you. So everyone's excited.
Is it where you they're going to call this the last night of the
charter? Or we're going to call it the last night at Branzino?
Branzino fest 2017 coming right on up. Hey, your
mother's had your daughters. Brandzino Fest. Time to debone your
expectations because Brandzino Fest is going to blow your mind.
So in the bunk, in the bunk, saw people are getting ready.
Hannah's with Lauren and or it starts with Lauren and Hannah, right?
Yeah.
Hannah's wearing a shirt that says resting bar face, which is hilarious.
And she's like, did you see, did you see that?
In VT?
I go, it was a joint.
Fuck you.
She's like, yeah, it's like amazing.
How you pay everybody thousands of dollars for being mean.
Yeah.
She's like, yes, they've been
Yeah, and then they cut the bugs. He'd be talking to Molly. I'd be like, oh, I bit it again
I think she's so special because you got the MVP and she gives it away to everyone
She probably thinks she's so wonderful because of that. What is that even stainful?
MVP and must dance for most venomous person
Yeah, something Malia says.
Yeah, Malia says.
Oh, yes.
That's personality.
Okay, H-H-P.
Most vicious prawns.
Cause I bet if she cooked prawns, they'd be vicious.
Good one, dogs.
Good one, girl.
So they high five over, like, just being handed being handed free money like yeah, bitches that they are and
then they leave and go to some castle for a restaurant and we start getting our long goodbye sequence.
Well, but not before Wes, you know, Wes is going through things because he has questions about
Malia. Only to have a talk with Malia to see if either one of us is going to follow the rules
and have true romantic love, or if we're both going to be rebels and have quick fleeting love.
But first, I'm going to do something crazy. I'm going to put my water glass to the left of my
plate instead of to the right. I'm such a rebel. That boss boy was confused, I'll tell you that.
I don't regret a thing.
He must have had his, he must have been rubbing his eyes.
So my bread plate to the right. My drinking glass to the left.
What a crazy thing I did. I'm such a rebel.
The captain's like, I'd like to make a toast.
Two naps, well-rested crews and good times.
Okay, I'm going home. Bye everyone. See everyone at the anchor sanctuary.
See online at Captain Sandy border positivity.com.
Max is like, oh, I love sending. She's seven laid back.
If she were any more laid back, she fall over.
That's actually the best one, Max. And I appreciate it.
And you're right. I'm literally
filing over right now. Call me and let me know that you got into bed. Okay. I'm falling
over into my bed to have a big map. What a great time. So dinner is served and it's all
family styling because I'm taking the fish cut of meat. Sorry guys. They're like, he's like, oh,
gosh, he did.
Most vile meat taker.
When Captain leaves, they're all silence. Now, okay, let's get
wasted so we can at least pretend to be able to stand each other
for five more minutes.
Yeah. So bugs in Hannah now have a little chat to the side.
Oh my god.
Hannah has in two drink mode where she's like a Sydney Sheldon character.
She's like, can we talk for a second?
She's giving her those like kind of squinty evil eyes
with that little smirk on her face.
And then she's like, hold, please.
You can't tell if she's going to be a great Bugsy.
Or ask her to strip.
Yeah.
It's like she's not only lighting a cigarette in front of an
On smoker to blow it in their face. She's making her wait for it
Which is one of the things I missed most about smoking like that it's both annoying you possibly killing you
And that you have to wait for me to light it before I answer anything you say yeah
So many so many options there. Yeah. Um, so they
start talking and I was like, well, I wanted to talk to you about how you confronted me about
being lazy. And I just want you to know, if I'm so lazy, why, why is it that I've had zero
complaints, honey? Yeah, I zero guest complaints. And she's like, oh, you must not have checked
your second two box because you've got a complaint in there
It's a very long one from me. It's for me
Get it. I mean there's no second two box, but you know what I'm saying. Yes, you don't have to explain your jokes
but see
and she's like
I would see feel that you in Lauren worked harder than me and then they show an on Taj the montage of Adam like
Bugs you should be first to you because you have better than Hannah
She's lazy when he was just doing that to turn Bugsie against Hannah, which totally worked and now it's like Adam's asshole
Manipulations they're using his evidence. This is not fair
Yeah, I agree it It makes me mad. Very mad.
But also hilarious because they so would do that. So it's like bad evidence. And then
then they show this montage of what a bad boss Hannah is. And it's just a boss of her going,
will you please make the bed upstairs, darling? Will you please do this, darling? I'm going to make
travel arrangements. I'm like, this is kind of like proof that she's a good boss, right?
Where are they going?
And like, they always show like that footage of Hannah being in bed.
Like God forbid, she actually sleeps at night.
But this one, they were like, she's a bad boss.
Look at her bossing everyone around.
Like a boss would.
Like, what the hell are you trying to say?
Yes. So, yeah.
So then, both is like, yeah, Lazy and the whole crew feels that way the whole crew
And she's like oh really this whole time you felt that and she's like it's a bull duck of stuff
Or whatever she said and it's like it's pulling shit out of the air and she goes oh it's bullshit
It's everyone pulling it down and she's like all right all right then, well, like the iPad, you'll lift it
condolate. And but thank you, thank you very much. I shall leave now.
And then Hannah just snarls proudly.
Yeah, that's deep.
And which is her signature move.
Yeah, this is like a proud snarl.
So then Bugsie then goes and pulls west the size they can have.
And South African bonding moment.
And she's, you know, all mad about, she starts telling West about how Hannah confronted her about
confronted Hannah.
It's like all this whole thing, et cetera.
And the meantime, Hannah pulls Lauren to the side and Hannah's like, so apparently you've
been talking a little shit about me.
And I was like, yeah, no, of course not.
I've never do that.
Yeah.
She was like brainwashing me to me against you.
I'm going to have one of those cigarettes and totally smoke it. I mean, he was like, well, he was like brain watching me to be against you. I'm gonna have one of the cigarettes
and like totally smoke it.
Like I've been smoking for years.
She's like,
oh,
oh,
oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh They all wind up it together and in like the same space and And Boaxie's trying to get Lauren to admit that Lauren talked to you about Hannah and
That things too and you went smoking then it was non-smoking Lauren. He said it
I was like well things have changed. I've learned how to fold napkins peacefully, okay? Yeah, I haven't said anything like
I value her friendship more than you okay like let's face that she's the one that I'm gonna talk to when this is over
Well, then don't drag me into it
And Hannah's like what Dan takes second Steve you want to be first to
And then that's comes over to tell them all off and he goes well
I haven't seen my best friend like this ever good day, sir
Thank you for letting me join your table for a moment.
I appreciate the the honor.
Good day.
And both of you just storms off.
She's like, this is Tadish.
A shit.
Tadish.
He said, good day.
So Wes and Malier at the bench, while Adam watches crazily, fully lit,
evident nearby table with his arms crossed like a 47 year old baby.
Yeah.
And Wes is like, well, I've seen some texts.
They started on the night of the wheelhouse.
And she's like, um, yeah, I kind of knew Adam from Yacht Camp.
Guess I didn't mention that.
I was like, well, you didn't do anything with him, did you?
Well, not only did he say it like that since he's sort of had an idea, his voice gets
super high.
And Wes, suddenly he's talking like, both of these, like, oh, really? You know him before the season? Yeah, separated it worth.
And he's like, no, no, not really. And then he's looking at her like, okay, you're blatantly lying
to me now. And I'm going to accept this with a smile because you're really hot and I still want
to make out some more. So he just not smiles and pretends it's all true.
And then they basically make out on the way back to the boat.
And it's, you know, it's weird watching the make out because Wes has a really strange
technique where he kind of just like wraps both of his arms behind the back of her head
and then I pull her into his mouth.
I'm like, she cannot be enjoying this.
I'm sorry.
I don't think she enjoys this one bit.
I think she's the likes Adam and she's just doing this because she's pissed at him
And this is her this is her tactic against Adam because this does not look enjoyable for anyone right now
Yeah, and poor Wes is like well when he forgives her he's like, you know what I look at
As long as someone likes me, I'm happy. I was like that's the most pathetic thing for she's like, yeah, basically I do
Probably poned Adam another time. He's like, but you still luck me, right? All right. Let's stay together
Jesus
Yeah, exactly so now everyone's back on the boat and now Hannah and Adam are
On the on the deck just chatting of course about Malia, you know
Well, I was really curious. I was like they they're going to show an ending Bobby scene, right?
And he goes, who gets tuna pizza?
Thanks.
I was waiting for that.
The culmination of his season.
It's actually a perfect metaphor. Who gets tuna pizza?
The story of Bobby.
He's basically mad about everybody else getting to order two napeats up at him. So, Hannah is now, of course, railing on Malia to add.
And, you know, he probably fell in love with Malia in the art camp, and he probably thought
that he'd get on the boat and submit his relationship and then fall in love and get married.
But instead, she's playing tonsil hockey on the bridge with a boss. I'm like, listen Hannah.
Because? No, that's relax here, okay? It's, it's, this was like, they hooked up. That's it.
The Adam is just holding every little piece of information and then letting a little bit out of the,
he's like, well well we made out well
Actually she sent me a text well we met each other at yacht camp well
It's like every time it's something new. You know he's like I designed my bitmoji specifically for her needs I went
When he said we met each other at yacht camp and Hannah went oh
Because she knows how much you fuck at yacht camp. It's like that look of just, oh, so, oh my God.
So you paid for an abortion.
That's what you're telling me.
Oh, she's mad.
So she's like, my hypocrite.
So meanwhile, Wes is starting to get suspicious, especially
after Malia, because Malia told Wes that Adam told her that
he loved her. So basically Adam told Malia, I love you. And she was like, whoa dude, it's
only been four days. But now Wes is getting suspicious. He's like, that seems a little
strange. Part of me wonder was it just four days. It was something else going on because Adam wouldn't just say he loves her would he?
Don't get excited doesn't really lead to anything
Let's cut to watching Bobby sleep with his mouth wide open
So Malia and Adam Malia is like Adam can I talk to you? And he's like I'd rather not
So Malia and Adam, Malia is like, Adam, can I talk to you? And he's like, I'd rather not!
I've got some trash bags to like slam into the air
until they open.
She's like, then, you can just listen to me
because I've got a piece of my mind to serve you
and it won't be coming with the side of spinach.
She's like, yes, I won't give you any dumb bitch.
She's like, oh yeah, okay, I lost that one.
But I thought you were nice.
You know, like I thought you were a gentleman
when you fucked me the first night of yacht camp, you know?
Was it wrong to lead you on?
Yes, okay, but you're a dark side, it's not cool.
And if you just kept your mouth quiet,
we wouldn't have even had problems with Wes.
I was like, why should he keep his mouth quiet?
To make your plan of line go through Malia?
She was just she was really angling hard for that spinach. She's like it's the last day
I just want a few leaves. Just please put some spinach on my arm. Like can't we just do this this much?
It was just like a villain getting caught. It's like you messed up the whole plan if you just stuck with the plan
Why jump you new big mouth? I was like he wasn't like conspiring with you
to like pull one over on Wes in my god he's the one who got
fucked over yeah so he's like I have zero respect for you
I think that feelings mutual like great you guys are you guys
are really fascinating so Bobby it's like look if if a guy is
only nice to you because he wants to fuck you, but
then he finds out he can't fuck you, he's not going to be nice to you.
Are you just learning that for the first time?
You'll learn it over and over again over the course of your life.
She wants her spinach.
She wants her spinach and her free cookie.
So worst villain ever, she was just angling for spinach this whole time.
Bobbi, meanwhile, his brain is being exploded because he's using one of those
vacuum bags with his clothes and he's like, whoa, feel the density of this. Whoa.
Whoa, I learned this one night. My baloney used to go bad.
Doesn't anymore neither do my polos. So then the first one off the
boat is max. It's like, you know, get off. You've done nothing to season. Just leave.
Yeah. You go. It's talking fine. It's not working. Working with people. It's like
a fine like crazy. I'm like, okay, just let's just go. Let's go. I'm gonna start to get back to my cheap.
Bird, bird, chick.
Hahaha.
They're like, please, you've done nothing this season.
Go.
So then Lauren is leaving next and she's like,
bye guys, I'm off to be bullied.
And then I can cry about being a bullied.
Because I'm a bullied.
She's like, thanks me for letting me pretend
that I smoked with you Hannah.
She's like, all right then, good bye, T.
And then Lauren goes to Trabavi and She's like, all right, then good by D. And then Lauren goes to Bavvy and check. Bye, bye, it was interesting. And he goes, oh, no, they
cut to cool. Yeah. And she's like, okay, sure, see you around. He just keeps folding close
to get really suffocate later in the plastic bag. See you on Twitter, war, buying. And then Adam, okay, at this point, no Adam, he's just, it's sort of getting pathetic now
because now he's like, I gotta talk to Wes.
So he goes up to Wes and he's like, listen, dude, one more thing.
I just want you to know, Malia and I had a physical relationship before the boat and yacht camp. It was super physical. So
Just want you to know we could have been best buds we could have been friends
No, now you know why I'm controlling because I got to stick it in her now. You know why I feel so deeply
It's like no
This rotten thing got in between us. I'm not talking about my teeth. Talk about Malia
Something like bad lay and a bad friend. Okay. Got it noted. Yeah, what's the thing? All right? All right? All right
Well, everyone gets to talk about what Adam and Malia had but no one talks about what I have with her
Michael always him and Malia head but no one talks about what I have with her. I'm like always.
Yeah.
You have like a girl hug and a wet kiss with her.
I'm sorry, it's time to face the truth.
Okay.
Yeah.
So he's like, now I land.
This is why you can't mix business with pleasure.
Like, now you're learning it.
So Bobby is next to leave.
So we have a little talk with Hannah.
He's like, I don't want to think bad between us. I mean, look how compact I've made my clothes isn't crazy, Hannah. She's like alright, Bobby.
So they're like, well things, you know, like we'll always have a little one of them is said something about always having a piece of love in their heart for it.
First one of the other. Maybe a hard bit, but I'm always always there for my friends even their bobbies
Even if they're idiots who don't understand things like tuna pizza and vacuum bags
Even when they bring guitars they barely know how to play on the yachts. They're trying to get pussy
Even when they get so angry that a smaller version of their head comes out of their mouth
Then Adam says bye. He's like bye, by bugs, we were really there for each
other. You need to be chiefs to bugs. Yeah, shut up at him. He doesn't say goodbye to
Malia. I should say, oh, well, fine. No, no, goodbye for me. I understand how it is.
Yeah, he's just that kind of man. Like Malia, why are you even bothering yourself right
now with this? Why? That's a, that's a that's a privilege that he said he did not say goodbye to you
It's also your fault
Stupid so Adam's like thanks captain. You're the best. She's like well
Good luck. You know with the drug or whatever you're doing and stop
Stop getting grumpy out there. Okay. That would be great
Be great. So have fun. So then West and Malia now have a moment.
And West is like, so Malia.
Adam told me that you guys were physical.
So you guys said what?
What?
And I say good because I think everyone should be in good health and get physicals.
So good for you.
Does that many give you physical?
Is that what you were going to say? Before I said rudely for you. Does that maybe give you physical? Is that what
you're gonna say before I start rudely interrupted you?
No, I didn't really have a plan for it for the joke. I just sort of run with it. So don't
you didn't even I have been I've been reading my notes. Your my notes made no sense. I'm
I'm like what? Huh? What? That's why any all my jokes this episode if they've seen
weird or or strangely timed. It's because I'm just trying to even read my notes
They're like long things like Hannah confronts Bugsie about confronting Malia about confronting Hannah and then West's friends with Hannah and their friend confronting and they say what and Vile
I'm like, huh? What what was I thinking when I wrote these notes?
I know you should just be like me right the mates are off duty
The mates get a vacation the end
like me right the maids are off duty the maids get a vacation the end so I love this Malia and West scene because Adam has just been mean to her and then she
ran up to the port hole or a window or whatever you call those things to watch
him and he didn't turn around to say goodbye or anything and she's so mad so
she goes down to the laundry and she's like he didn't even say bye I mean
whatever like she's obviously ruffled and he's like and she had physical stuff
Was it like the 80s movie kind like let's get physical where it was all about aerobics?
Did you touch his nuts to try and let him know if he had any kind of bowl cancer?
Oh, I get it in a lea because you both because you're a deckhand
You had to hold things for him and that's a physical act that you did I get it, Nilea, because you're a deckhand, you had to hold things for him,
and that's a physical act that you did.
I get it, you're not a rebel after all.
Whoa.
I'll figure you as long as you still like me.
And she's like, God, for him to bring stuff up again,
like, and now she's nervous,
and she's just touching the microwave in different places,
like she's trying to tidy the microwave.
And she goes, thankfully, you're a good guy. And he's like,
that Marker Wave is steady where it is. You can leave it alone.
Don't put any metal in there. Oh, do you like good boy? Stop trying to manipulate that
microwave. You've already got two of us under your spell. Yeah, witchy woman.
Meanwhile upstairs, bugs in Hannah have a very warm goodbye,
which goes like this. Boy Hannah have a trip. Have a safe trip home. Boy.
And that was like good boy. Good boy. I think Hannah just says, okay, yeah.
Yeah. She just slammed her door on her like I just did my back door after I had a cigarette out of it. I was wondering what that was.
I'm a good sound effect for Hannah's reaction. Goodbye honey.
She's like hey, to.
Um, and then she goes to the back to say she's like, all right, Cheeky, see you later andiss off. Oh no, she says, chow see you later, Piss off.
I think well, that's what she was saying. That's how any good goodbye should be.
Chow. So did Malia's leaving and then it's another awkward.
It's even more awkward.
They're like, so, so.
All right. Bye.
It's like by by Hannah. It's been great.
Like calling, you know, calling you a lazy whore.
I'll see you then when I.
She's get it. She just I love the hand it just looks at her with that evil smile like fuck you.
She doesn't even.
You should have you should have stripped from me while you hit a chance.
They just sat there and stared at each other.
She was waiting for a hand to say something and Malia's like looking around the
room nodding for no reason and biting her lips.
And I'm just like, hmm. Hannah has a quality that I wish I had, which is the ability to just
stare at someone and just not say something. Because I can't. I just like to find someone
right to their face. Yeah, I'm Lauren. I'm the one giving the high five that I wasn't giving
the high five back to fidgeting and be like, okay, well, uh, well, things are weird. So, I'm gonna go.
Bye. No, I'm Malia. I'm like, I've talked shit about you all season, but you still like me, right? You do, right?
Okay, I'm just gonna nod at you. You're gonna say something.
Surely you're gonna say something because I'm nodding right now, but it's really nervous.
Okay, I'll just be going out there and then she goes, you know, Hannah and I just don't know how to feel about each other.
Like, uh, Hannah made it pretty clear how she feels about you.
She wanted you to strip, you never stripped.
And now she hates you.
Yes.
So Wes is outside and she's like, by Wes, I'm going to see you again.
And he's like, will you?
She said, will you deserve better?
Either way, you know, whether Adam was right or wrong about telling you things like it's all his fault
Fucking Malia. Yeah, well. I've got to stick to my guns because I might I may be I may not be the best guy, but I'm the best whiz
Goodbye Malia
Malia Malia Malia so
Malia, Malia, Malia. So finally I will dump you.
Now that I'm not going to get the fuck in real life.
Boy.
Boy.
And now Wes leaves and he says thanks to Sandy.
And now there's only one.
It's just Hannah.
Hannah's the one left.
And Hannah goes up to the, I think Hannah goes up to Sandy, right?
And then I wrote down, did Hannah say this?
I will never forget you.
She says something like, I need to take all this money
and get some therapy, may.
Yeah, that's, I also wrote that down.
I was like, it doesn't seem to be any character
for Hannah to ever tell anyone I will never forget you.
I think she was just like, I fuck this season.
I need therapy.
I like the Western Captain goodbye,
because it was so sweet. And he's like, good boy, I need therapy. I like the Western Captain Goodbye because it was so sweet and he's like,
good boy, Kate Ting.
And she's like, goodbye, Wes.
And they just have this really real sweet look.
It's like when genuinely nice people have alone time together
and can just look each other in the eye
and be like, you're happy and well adjusted.
And I'm happy and well adjusted. Wasn't this crazy? Thanks for being another happy, well-adjusted
person.
Yeah, pretty much.
It's like they bond in that sweet way. It's just they do smile with each other. It's like,
you'll always be in my hat.
And then everyone gets off the boat and it's just Captain Sandy and he's like,
all right, we know what time it is now. She presses a button and a giant screen
comes out with Mr. Skin play. Let's watch some Jody Foster.
Also, one last thanks to the producers and editors of the show for being so on it.
Because when Bobby was like, God, so I lost a whole sorry.
And she goes, you know what so I lost a whole sorry.
And she goes, you know what, you need a nap now.
So good.
What a way to end it, you guys.
Really the way.
What a way.
Yeah, we're looking forward to this reunion.
I think it'll be a really good one.
They're probably going to hash it out.
I know Hannah wasn't Hannah saying when she was on the show last week, like, I don't know what we're going to
do. Probably just laugh a lot. I'm like, no way. You guys are going to fight. Yeah,
that'll be bringing it out. Yes. So we'll be there next week for that. Do not forget
to get tick. I had September second show with Jeff Lewis, Gage Edward and Jenny Poulos
from flipping out Maron sale. September 2nd in L.A.
And then we have two Chicago shows on the same night on September 27th in Chicago.
Where is it? Yeah. It Lincoln Hall tickets are going on sale this Friday. Go to
watchwrapins.com to get your get access to that ticket link. It'll just make your life beautiful.
And auras guys. Yeah, we're going to re-enact you.
It's going to be a tie.
Yeah.
We love you guys.
Thanks so much for being here.
We will be back tomorrow with some real housewives
of New York City.
OK.
Yay.
So excited.
Bye.
Bye.
Hey, prime members.
You can listen to WatcherCrapens Add Free on Amazon Music, download
the Amazon Music app today.
Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us
about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.