Watch What Crappens - Maloof Divorce, Horny Dads, and Jersey RV Trip

Episode Date: August 1, 2012

Maloof Divorce, Horny Dads, and Jersey RV TripSee acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. This episode of Watch What Crappens is brought to you by Gamefly. Go to Gamefly.com forward haha for your free 15-day trial. Hey everyone, it's Watch What Crappens, a weekly podcast about all that crap on Bravo. Crap that we love, incidentally.

I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and joining me, as always, are Ronnie Karam from tvgasm.com. Hey Ronnie. Hello everybody. Hello, hello. And Matt Whitfield from Yahoo TV. Hello Matt. Hi, you're kind of interrupting my face yoga right now. I'll let you get back to contorting your face

and getting that tongue all hard there, Matt. While you do that, let me just remind everyone that we have a Facebook page that you can follow. Facebook.com forward slash watch what crappens. I'm at bsideblog on Twitter and Matt

is at life on the m list i'll speak for him since he's uh he's doing something weird with his neck i'm sure he's he's basically his lips are inside out and it's just nothing but his teeth i'm practicing i'm practicing ronnie is at tv gaz and we got all that busy busy all that business out of the way let's talk about some bravo stuff now is everyone excited Everyone enjoy all the TV shows? Yeah, someone's moving their mic around a lot. Stop that. Oh, that's probably me.

That might be me. Stop it. Calm down over there. I'm so excited. I just can't hide it. I have to thrash my microphone around. Speaking of being so excited, could the three of us go as the Pointer Sisters for Halloween? You've got me on this new amazing thought.

How many times do I have to tell you, Matthew, I am going to be Susie Orman. I am going to fight you on this every single week. I'm going to come every single week with a great idea until you decide. I mean, we have a few months until Halloween. I'm going to get you to not be Susie Orman. Well, the thing is also, I'm not, it's not just that I'm going to be Susie Orman. I want to get a bunch of people to dress like Suzy Orman. It'll be like a roving pack of Suzy Ormans. I want to be fired Cedric from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and I'll just be all fat and sad.

And will you be like a street urchin? You know, asking people for alms and stuff like that. Yeah, I'll walk around taking people's candy and then talking about my horrible life and my mother who was a hooker on the streets. Right, I kind of want to be your dead whore mother. Who abandoned you in a telephone booth.

Someone should be the telephone booth. And Ronnie will just sit inside of us. Jill Zarin. She could be the phone booth. That would just be odd. Oh, sorry, I just moved my microphone again. Yeah, you're moving your mic all over.

I can't help it. It's swiveling like crazy. I don't know what's going on with it. Screw that sucker in. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm sorry to everyone who has to hear both my microphone and everyone yelling at me about my microphone. Sounds like you're on a coke binge over there. What are you, Brandy Glanville?

Oh, Snapple. Okay, well that takes us to our first piece of gossip. Ding, ding, ding. Brandy Glanville having sex in the bathroom at Kyle's white party. Oh, yeah. Okay, let me just say this. What do you think happens at a white party? I feel like...

What's happened on your face? I was going to say checkers and backgammon. And then P. Diddy shows up. And then there's a lot of I don't know, flour that gets tossed around because it's a white party. I'm telling you, when people wear white clothes, they think that they're almost

naked. And I don't know, white clothes make people extra horny. I know. For instance, every time I see Ku Klux Klansman, I'm always like, those guys gotta keep it in their pants. No kidding. You see the KKK and'm always like, those guys gotta keep it in their pants. No kidding. You see the KKK and you're like, boner! Yeah!

Oh, gee. So anyway, thank you to Alex Aspolino. Do you guys follow Alex Aspolino? I love Alex Aspolino. Alex Aspolino follows me. Does she follow you? Yeah, congratulations, Matt.

Who doesn't she follow? Yeah. Speaking of Alexa Aspolino, when I said tonight, like, I want to watch a horror movie, I'm thinking I'm going to watch maybe, like, The Descent or Sleepaway Camp. Alexa Aspolino on Twitter tweeted me a shirtless picture of her husband, Jim, and thought that that would make a good alternative to a horror film. You see, you gotta love her. You gotta love it.

Thank you, guys. But yeah, so Brandy is apparently slutting it up at the White Party. There's actually a lot of good gossip, but that was the first thing. Kyle must have been pissed. Whoever's reporting it, I'm assuming great or online, since they're like the travesty one. It's probably

from the Kyle Richards newsletter This just in Brandy was having Sex in my bathroom I want everyone to know I think it was called This just in for Season three if I don't fight with Brandy No one's gonna care I want to know what Kim was doing during the white party

Okay she probably was making out with like a topiary Or something She was searching for another bulldog in the back alley to date. She's like, hey, you're looking pretty leafy. I kind of like that. Bullmastiff. Hey Randy, what are you doing in the bathroom?

How come you're not inviting me in there? I want to smell what you're smelling. I don't drink anymore. Crush something up and let's drink out of our noses i love kim i can't wait for her to come home to me on my tv god bless her yeah so that happened um which you know the report says brandy's totally mortified but i don't think that there's a soul on earth who doesn't believe brandy would not be mortified.

I was going to say, that is a badge of fucking whore honor. Yeah, she sliced her ex's tires and was happy about it. She would be more than happy about hooking up in the bathroom. Unless it's with someone that she's embarrassed about. Who could it be? Who would she be embarrassed to hook up with in the bathroom? Dick's ex-husband, Mauricio. Russell. I was about to sayband, Mauricio. Russell.

I was about to say the skeleton of Russell. Yeah. Also known as Taylor. Snowball. Oh. I think she was doing a snowball. It wasn't with a snowball. Kim was doing a snowball,

and Brandy walked in, and then everybody's clothes came off. By the way, and when I refer to snowball snowball I of course mean the coconut treat that we all enjoy from our youths I wouldn't know what that is of course you don't you don't you don't eat anymore you're going all Taylor Armstrong on us

no what I was referring to is I didn't get treats as a child because I you know my mother was evil oh well actually I've never had one of those snowballs either we are off topic okay we are going blissfully off topic. The point is this. There was cocaine and semen.

What? Yeah. While we're on Beverly Hills, this week is the ending of shooting for the Beverly Hills ladies of season three. They shot them? Yes. They're all dead now. They're all dead.

They finally hunted down the last one, and she's been shot. I blame Faye Resnick. She did it. Oh, you know she did. She probably... She and Dubois, they're trying to get a new series like Rizzoli and Isles, but it's really Resnick and Dubois. She has just a big old-fashioned musket chasing them all down.

She's probably wearing some riding pants or whatever. Oh my god, tonight is Tangent Central central anyway ronnie where were we going um well it's the end of the third season and of course since last season lisa enjoyed that limelight towards the end with the pandora's stupid boring wedding she decided to do it again and have her own wedding. And this time she's remarrying her old ass Phyllis Diller looking husband, Ken. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Please tell me that she, she, she darling is involved. He's got to be.

He's got to be. Yeah, I'm sure that he's back. That weird Asian Martin short guy. That's the best part of last season. That's the season three finale apparently is that Lisa is getting remarried to Ken. And, of best part of last season. That's the season three finale, apparently, is that Lisa is getting remarried to Ken, and of course she did it the same week that Adrian

got announced her separation from Paul. Oh, snap. Things aren't going very well this season with Lisa and Adrian, and Adrian refused to go to the reunion taping, according to the same. No way.

Are you serious? Yes. Why are they filming the reunion so early? That's what I want to know. Well, my guess, and it's just a guess because they don't say why, but my guess is that they're probably going to do that New Jersey thing where they just keep shooting. Roll right in.

Roll right in. Keep all that drama going, and then they'll probably shoot another reunion for the next season later on once they've all seen the footage. But this season sounds like a total fucking mess. I mean, there are reports about all the drama this season pretty much since they started shooting. There have been reports it seems like every week we've had. But, Ronnie, what's the deal going to be? I mean, obviously we started to see major cracks in the relationship between Lisa and Adrian, former neighbors and really tight friends. But what other drama are we going to expect this season besides that?

Well, that's all we need because now Lisa's teamed up with Brandy. Right. Like we talked about last week. You mean the new star of Sir? Yes. She's using Brandy to cause a bunch of shit you know brandy will go there so yeah apparently it's mostly brandy versus adrian my friend went to i guess adrian had a launch party of some sort for uh vodka that she's doing and and so adrian had a party at her place and my friend went and he said aside from the fact that there was no music playing, because I guess they can't play music when they're in production, which I think is sort of an interesting thing.

He said that all the housewives were there except for Lisa. And that seemed like it was intentional. So let's just take a wild guess here. Kyle Richards will play a backstabbing ping pong ball who just goes between the two of them all season until she's frazzled and, um, boring. And Taylor will be totally confused what to do because Adrian's got the money, but Lisa's got the British accent and she doesn't know who to kiss up to.

You know, what just really upsets me. I mean, I'm just still bitter about Camille not being on this coming season. I know she's going to pop up at a lot of the events, but you know, she's not a full-time cast member anymore. And it just really upsets me because God damn, I love me me some camille maybe she just swing through on a trapeze i would

love that just an airborne camille i just think of a violent ibs shit you know she and she did that by going on to oprah that's the first time i ever saw her was on oprah she was with kelsey grammar or phrase and i don't know why he even brought her stupid ass on but. She was with Kelsey Grammer, or Frage. And I don't know why he even brought her stupid ass on, but she was pretending like she was the first lady and she had to have an issue that she needed to talk to America about because she was married to a famous person. And her issue was IBS. And she sat there on

Oprah and talked about her leaky, violent ass for an hour. Look, people who don't want to have sex with their partners or boyfriends or girlfriends claim to have IBS just like my first boyfriend when I moved to los angeles told me he had lies oh is that why you threw a drink at him at the abbey no that was boyfriend that was the guy i left him for the guy who threw the drink on me at the abbey and he was like you dated someone with ibs ew i don't know why i did i really don't it was not it messy. It was very messy. It sounds messy.

I think one disease that attention doesn't need to be brought to is IBS. Keep it to yourself. Jesus, I don't want to know about it. Thanks a lot, Oprah. Yeah, literally keep it in your pants, in your own pants. Please do. Keep it in your diaper. Oprah should start having lots of IBS specials because nobody's watching that next chapter bullshit.

Well, you know, IBS will fix it. IBS always fixes everything. Maybe that's what Brandy was really doing. Maybe that's why she was so embarrassed. Maybe she had just had some very severe shits and she told everyone she was having sex in the bathroom because she was moaning in pain. But the truth was, she just had some massive shits.

No, it was apparently during filming and people caught her. Well, maybe she was having sex and the sex caused shits to come out of her. I'm throwing up. Maybe she was having anal. Now that we're talking about violent shits,

let's move on to Teresa from New Housewives. I mean, the old hags of Jersey. Whatever. So anyway, before we get to Jersey, Joe Giudice was in court this week. And they gave him a five-year plea deal for his fraud charge because he used his brother's ID to get a driver's license after his taken away due to drunk driving. And he refused the plea deal. Teresa's probably like,

yeah, why does he have to take the please deals? Why does he have to please anyone? We don't please anyone with the deals. We make our own deals. No, deals-es-es. Like, ingredients-es-es-es. That's when you say please, and it's windy, right?

It's the windies. Well, she is going to be loving it soon because he's going to be in jail probably. And I think it was last episode when Caroline was saying, oh, well, watch now. Teresa, you know, I predict that Teresa is going to, you know, he's going to go to jail. Teresa is going to be on her own and she's going to get a, you know, he's going to go to jail. Teresa's going to be on her own. And she's going to get a, you know, she's going to write a book about how hard it is to be alone. Mark my words. You remember she said something like that like last week or the week before?

And I think she's right, you guys. You're going to watch Teresa's spinoff? I don't know. I mean, I probably will. If it features Melania on I mean, I probably will. If it features Melania on Bath Salts, I'm in. I think that girl was born on Bath Salts.

Oh, no doubt. And by Bath Salts, I mean the devil inside of her. Heavy heroin. Heavy, heavy heroin. Can we talk about the new trailer for Real Housewives of Miami? Please.

I have to say, guys, I'm really excited. I feel like, based on the trailer, this is the Real Housewives of Miami that we always wanted. You know, a bunch of Sofia Vergara's and Gloria Estefan's are running around, slapping each other, throwing people in the pools. Tell me, you guys, be honest. What did you think of that first season because i am shocked as shit this is coming back for season two the first season was not the greatest it had i thought um elsa was hilarious i thought there was an uber bitch in larsa pippin but she was so nasty that i just i'm glad she's not coming back and i thought believe it or not

i thought that the last episode the season finale was really good and i thought, believe it or not, I thought that the last episode, the season finale, was really good and I thought that half of the episode prior to it was really good. It was just starting to find its voice but I think it still needed to be revamped. It needed to have crazy Latinas and it's too big of a city and too big of a stereotype to be ignored

and so I'm glad that they're giving it a second chance. But Ronnie, don't you kind of think that like more than any cast, maybe in Real Housewives history, that these Miami chicks on season two are going to be so beyond fake because they're trying to make a go for it. And the fact that they are even getting a second chance means that they have to just up the crazy to like a ridiculous, like not even making sense kind of level.

Yes. Well, I think that you, if you, after I say this and you look around in real life, the crazy to like a ridiculous like not even making sense kind of level yes well i i think that you if you after i say this and you look around in real life you're going to notice that this is true like it's going to sound horribly racist at first but here yeah you notice that you know here in the modern age we've kind of integrated the races you know we all talk to each other what are you talking about are you not are you not Are you not white? Latino women mostly hang out with Latino women because they're so fucking crazy. And I think a lot of it is that they've grown up watching telenovelas, which makes them all – they're all insane on these shows. And so I think that it just makes them crazier and crazier, and they start to be like that in real life. One thing, being a waiter or being in a service industry of any kind,

you know, you do not... I would not know anything about that. Probably not. But maybe you've, you know, seen waiters crying after this has happened to them. I get room service in my house. I don't even know what you're talking about. I've never even seen a waiter. Who brings you room service, dumb duck?

Only white service people. It's the giant spider in the corner of his of his office that comes in with a little it comes in with a little tray and says you're you're dinner sir its leg is still twitching and i'm really nervous but i'm i'm staring it to death right now why why did you why did you kill your spider butler? That's what I'm going to be for Halloween, a spider butler. I can get behind that. Anyway, Miami season two, I'm really incredibly skeptical, but don't get me wrong. If this turns out to be one fraction as amazing as Crystal Carrington, pool, Melrose Place, hair-throwing type of extravaganza that they're promoting it to be, I'll totally be in.

Well, I couldn't tell a lot of what was going on, but it seems like one guy is either sleeping with multiple people... Oh, definitely. He's dating one of them and cheating on her, and then they all team up against him. It looks good. Yeah, and one of the guys, I think, is Kim's friend.

Kim Zolciak's friend from, from like two seasons ago or something like that. And then Joanna Krupa's on it. It's sort of like a random mishmash. I think it's going to be really good, to be honest. Do you think that we're going to get like a full 18 or 20 eps out of this one? Because I believe Miami season one was only like a trial six. Yeah, I think we'll probably get like 13. Here's the other thing. You know, it's been over a year since the last one wrapped up i feel like they probably were like let's not put this on until it's ready and let's make this good

like we only have one more shot at this you know exactly i mean after so many uh misadvides of the world um bravo needs a new hit they need another hit they really do because all this bullshit that they have been airing in 2012 that is non-housewives related is utter shit well i want to see gallery girls that looks like a big catty mess of brooklyn girls versus upper east side girls being bitchy to each other i just hope the lena dunham's of that cast rip apart the oliviaermos. And if none of you out there understand what I'm talking about, stop listening. I know who Olivia Palermo

is. I don't know who Lena Dunham is, though. She's a Brooklyn girl. She's the star of Girls on HBO. I don't have a spider butler, and I sure as hell don't have premium cable. Can there be a show on Bravo that's not about women fucking being assholes to each other very good point very good point yeah it's called million dollar listing of it it's like oh now

they're young you know now they're younger women being bitches to each other well that's the original bravo thanks thanks for that women being bitches to each other in a consignment store women being bitches to each other in an art't bitchy enough to each other. I think if they were bitchier and interesting, we would watch this stuff. But instead, what happens is we think they're going to be bitchy to each other. And instead, they just sort of lie around and sit around and mope and cry about how they don't have a love life. And then we were like, why are we watching this? And why don't I have a love life?

I was just going to say that sounds a lot like the three of us. Because we're sitting around watching this shit. Who wants to hear this on a date? Nobody. So speaking of other Bravo stuff, I have some like sort of like I want to say it's gossip, except there's nothing gossip and nothing educational about it. Except that I went to an event on Sunday, and there were a lot of Bravo Leberties there. Do not tell me that you were at that Top Chef thing in Hancock Park that I did not RSVP to. I was. That's exactly where I was.

Okay, why don't we discuss these things so that I can go with you? Okay, so let's discuss it. Next time I get invited, you can come as my plus one. Okay, let's talk about how hot Madison Hildebrand was at that event in his thin cotton v-neck tee. He looked good. He looked good. He looked short. He looked very proud of himself. He looked tan and rich, and that's all that matters.

I took a picture of him from afar, and then I saw Josh Flagg there. I didn't speak to any bravo liberty last year when i went i talked to like lisa vanderpump and this year vanderpump was back this year in a full-on hot pink ensemble she certainly was and actually so i actually was there with lisa timmons and at one point lisa and i were like oh wait wait wait pause um ronnie um ben also like does this podcast thing with this l Timmons character, and she gets invited to a party with Ben with Bravo Leberties, but you and I don't, and we do a podcast about Bravo. What the fuck? See, why would I ever invite this to a party?

I was talking to Ronnie, not you. Why would I ever invite this to a party? This is what I'm saying. I'm going to act like Brandi Glanville. I'm going to act like Brandi Glanville up at a Bravo party. Yeah, I think you actually would and you have to listen matt matt would have had sex with madison hildebrand in a port-a-potty i'm just putting it out there okay okay here's number one um you haven't eaten in like five months and

you would have gone crazy number two you also got invited to this thing and you didn't invite me so how about that oh shit you're right or me what the Or me. What the hell? I'm actually here. Well, Ronnie. Ronnie. Don't. By Bravo or you assholes. Ronnie, we would never invite you. And you know why? Because you're Armenian. I'm not Armenian.

He's Iraqi. It's because I'm fat. Don't even lie. No, Lisa was supposed to be my camera girl because I was going to do this whole thing. I was going to do a video and do it off my blog. You fucking lied to get in by saying that you were going to cover that shit and you so didn't no i did we i covered it on the other podcast and i'm covering it right now look at all this attention it's getting because now all our followers gonna be like oh my god this glad

event inspires so much drama i can't wait for all three of those guys to get invited next year did you see fran drescher there with her mom or her tv mom renee taylor um i saw fran drescher and i was gonna talk to her about her brother being on Real Housewives of New York. But then I was like, I was too lazy to talk to any Bravo celebrity. Oh my God. You parked your ass at the open bar and we're like,

Lisa Timmons, go take some photos, but you don't really have to because we're just going to get drunk. Yeah, that's actually pretty much exactly what happened. I totally wish that I had gone with you. And you know what? There's also several people from Million Dollar Decorators there martin lawrence what was it martin lawrence and then

the very next day i saw him at fresh and easy and i just i love i just that's just like the second or third time i've seen that fresh and easy i love the idea of this guy being oh i'm gonna i'm a guest at this glad event i'm martin lawrence blood and then the next day being like i'm gonna have some discount produce. I will tell you this right now. Speaking of Million Dollar Decorators, my favorite show in the history of television, I just did buy Mary McDonald's coffee table book

because I'm obsessed with coffee table books and it's the best coffee table book ever. Why is it the best? Because Mary McDonald is kind of an icy bitch and all of her designs come from this icy bitch uh place and it makes for better design well i i'm sold i am sold sold so speaking of icy bitches design speaking of speaking of icy bitches it's time to start talking about the real housewives i believe yes let's talk about the Real Housewives of New York. Wow, what an episode

this week. Squirting orgasm. I'm still squirting over here. Yes, I actually believe that. Well, all this talk about Madison probably got you all hot and bothered. Well, yes, that's why we podcast in separate locations.

That was too much. I love hownie's now silent all of a sudden like that's too i crossed the line no you didn't cross the line that damn show crossed the line that squirting orgasm has had me disturbed all oh you know today i was thinking why am i in such a bad mood i'm medicated i'm happy i've got laid recently. You did? Who? No one. No one important. Oh, don't. Mon-Lons-Belon. His name might rhyme with Fartin' Dorian. I'm not gonna tell you.

We saw each other in the meats department of Fresh and Easy. Ooh, why are there two onions? I've never seen onions in a package before. Does anybody work here, or is it just me? I see some plastic-wrapped cantaloupes. I like to scan it out myself, so it's all fresh and easy. I'm slowly turning him into Dracula, by the way. I know.

I thought I would miss checkers, but I don't. It's the Monster Mash. The coldness of this touchscreen. It's a graveyard smash. Well, yes, I am using my own bag. I have a fresh new rewards program. Ronnie, are you still not smoking, by the way? I'm going to check with you every single week.

No, I'm still not smoking. But you know what? Everyone asks me that every day. Are you smoking? Wait, wait, wait. Are you pissed that I care about your health? Are you pissed at me for caring? No.

I'm just trying to say that. Get out of the pool. Dry off your leg. Get out of the pool. Dry off your leg. Oh, my God. All I can think about is smoking. And everybody just keeps saying, are you smoking?

I can't believe it. I didn't want to ask you Because I figured you were smoking Smoking, smoking, smoking All I hear is people saying, smoking, smoking, smoking So you had to go wrap your mouth around something else Yes A squirting orgasm Which brings us to Aviva's father

Poor guy, man, when I tried to light that thing Most awkward date ever, darling Brings us to Aviva's father. Poor guy, man, when I tried to light that thing. Most awkward date ever, darling. So, wait. Let's get back to Aviva's dad here. Aviva's dad. Wow. I thought we saw a glimpse of him.

I thought we saw the craziness of this man last week but no this week whoo he does not stop no and you know what his boner is even uh more rock solid than richie's you would think he's wearing like uh white clothes with all those boners hanging out you know what i'm saying we're throwing into old people's sex and bueller my dog is prison raping a pillow. Like, heart. That's, is Bueller having a squirting orgasm? Not yet, but he, God, please don't. Okay, sorry, I just said that. Ew, tell him to put that orange lipstick away. I hate dog cock.

It's so gross. It's too cute. It comes out at the most inopportune times, too. You're talking to Martin Lawrence Ballard, like, as you're walking the dog, and you're like, put it away. God damn it. He's like, oh oh look at that horny dog over there Over by the baked goods And he's asked me to make a lipstick themed living room For Kelly Osbourne

Let's have a squirting orgasm Did somebody just drop in a sound effect right there that is so fucked up i just heard somebody drop in a sound effect right there it was hilarious there may have been a sound effect oh my god it's like we're on stern now and you're jackie and you're dropping in the sound effects i love it we can listen every time there we mentioned squirting orgasms you just might hear something like this time there we mentioned squirting orgasms you just might hear something like this permanent traumatization all right we have not even talked about this show we just keep on mentioning squirting orgasms this is a good thing for us though because it proves that if we're if

there ever is not a new housewives on during the week, we can still keep this shit running. Like Camille Grammer's bowels. Keep that shit running. Keep that shit running. Okay. New York. Um, there's an old man that's orange with a boner. Go.

Um, all right. He's got teeth like that one Muppet who's in the, you know, the band, the Muppet band, you know, I think it's doc something or another.

Um, that's what his teeth look like. Um, he's horny all the time. These women seem to have no problem with it. That's interesting to me. Aviva, by the way, I'm really enjoying watching her getting pissed at Ramona. The change is coming, people.

The change is coming. She's going to become a super bitch now. Well, Ramona is such a fucking bitch. I mean, shut up, Ramona. Just shut up. She is a terrible. Yeah, she was awful. You know, she's on Aviva about her leg.

Then she's mad at them because Aviva's saying bad things about her ex-husband. What do you care? Shut up, you cross-eyed bitch. Yeah, and how about she goes... During this dinner party, she goes into the kitchen and starts telling the staff what they should be cooking. It's not your dinner party, you silly well i will say this all i want is protein and vegetables for

dinner and sometimes you just need to skip the salad well it was not ramona's place to to tell anyone that we're skipping that unilaterally we're skipping the salads i would have liked the salad i mean look going on vacation with her is probably my worst nightmare. She is the worst possible type of house guest. Mario never puts her in her place. And, you know, she just is so, she's beyond inappropriate. When she gets together with Sonia, it just always becomes a disaster. Just ask the Countess from the Morocco days.

Oh, my God. Ask the Countess from the Morocco days. Oh, my God. That's a great callback because that was one of my favorite Housewife trips of all time was when they went to Morocco. When Ramona was going on and on about the leg, I wanted to shove her off that balcony. I'm like, Aviva has been living with this leg for years and years and years. She knows how to take care of it. Shut upona well is ramona even trying what is she doing is she trying to be funny what is it because she's just so fucking rude i can't even imagine what she's going for with that and why doesn't

aviva just grow a pair and tell her to shut the fuck up well sit her with the leg take it off aviva does need to put her in her place. I do, though, think that she is very concerned about rocking the boat, still being one of the new girls, even though I don't feel like her job is in jeopardy. But I do, like, in a weird fucked up way, and I don't know why I'm, like, getting to that zone where I'm starting to care. But I like that she did have a moment with Carol, and she let Carol know that she could have used some backup there. Granted, she should have said something on her own. But I like that Carol is going to get to the point where she's going to back her up. And I have a feeling that the old crew and the new crew are all just going to start clashing in about two weeks.

Yeah, I think so too. Carol was very cool this episode. I thought she was cool. And I liked her friend, Rajna, who I like to affectionately call Indian Bebe Neuwirth. I liked her. Nothing but affection. Nothing but affection. And she does look great.

Considering that she's 56, she's great. She seems like she is graceful and elegant and classy, everything the Countess wishes that she truly were. Okay, truth time. When you guys were watching that episode, whether you watched it five minutes ago or last night or whenever did you not start doing facial yoga while you watch because my god 100 i worked that shit out i did it for a little bit but then i felt weird and so i stopped and then i remember i remember that i'm a man and men age gracefully so i don't have to do face that's true we are not screwed we are not screwed in the facial department when we get older. Oh, God, I am. You should see my necks. They're ridiculous.

But one thing I was thinking while I was watching that is blowjob face. I think that that's why gay guys have such nice cheekbones. Oh, yeah. Because that was definitely one of the things. But also, when they first started talking about this facial yoga was when we first saw B.B. Neuwirth's sing-song-song. I guess that's Chinese, indian but that's okay i'm i'm kind of racist bb new earth patel yes okay that's better so when we first saw her and she talked about that i thought that they were saying oh my god look she's 76 and she's she looks so and someone said oh my god you look 56 and it's because you do this facial yoga but now that i

find out she's 56 she doesn't look that good. I mean, please, she's Indian. They all look that good. She doesn't look young. She looks 56. Exactly. Do you not think that Ashwara Rai Dagalu or whatever her name is from the House of Sand and Fog? Ashwara Rai.

Whatever. She could be 97 and she looks 47. I mean, she's permanently 47. She looks damn good. Here's the truth with Indian women and Asian women. If we're going to get racist, okay, I make generalizations. They look amazing, amazing, amazing, amazing. And then one day, they look like they're 85 years old.

There's like, suddenly something happens and it all goes away. Yes. Jesus, who's that? It was a dog barking for ugly people was that your spider butler telling you that your macaroni is ready i don't eat fucking carbs ben no macaroni stop talking about the spider butler walks away sadly with a tray of macaroni it worked on all day it's like oh i forgot okay what else happened during this episode except for the fact that

um ramona is a horrible person we barely saw any of heather and lu this episode except for the fact that Ramona is a horrible person. We barely saw any of Heather and Luann. Okay, those were the two that were not invited to Miami. We did see brief snippets of them, but... Is Heather headed for divorce? She and her husband are like, yeah, we only see each other for 15 minutes

every day, and then we're on our Blackberries. Ha ha ha ha ha. I'm like, that's not good. Okay, confession. I think her husband is hot. every day and then we were on our blackberries ha ha ha i'm like that's not good okay confession i think her husband is hot yeah that's what i said last week for a housewife for a housewife's husband he's he's yeah he's cute he's really cute i like a nice jewish doctor that's rich and cute and awkward in social situations yes and if there are any of you out there listening and you make at least six figures, you can find me, Life on the M-List, on Twitter. We will find someone for you.

This is becoming misadvised. It is. Starring the three of us. Starring you, because we were not participating in that little... Oh, right, because you go on hot dates and Ronnie had sex last week, and I'm the sad, lonely one. Exactly.

I'm like, I'm not even gonna deny it um no but what i was going to say though was something about uh i don't know was it something about indian people i don't remember okay okay sonia sonia do we think that sonia and um and aviva's dad would ever have a future together despite everything that she said well she needs to see his bank account before she decides to ride that train you know i was thinking about sonia today and i was thinking that really what sonia is is she's pretty much like a homeless woman who has a lot who has like money even though i know she's broke but like like if you think about it she carries around a toaster in a bag okay which seems like a very homeless person sort of thing to do she sort of like makes these weird statements about her boobs and she sort of mutters to herself and talks all the time and i don't know

do you guys do you ever feel like she maybe just sort of stumbled out of a homeless shelter well yes when you when you're wearing a ripped veil on your head i mean you're like fresh out of fucking gray gardens yeah and she talks about like, oh, my papers, this is how I learn my stuff. I read the papers. This is how I find out about my friends. You know who says that? Homeless people say that.

Yeah, she's going to be standing outside Whole Foods by those newspaper containers being like, oh, I can't wait to read about all my friends in the newspaper. Someone buy me a newspaper so I can read about all my friends. But wearing a ratty fur coat that's like totally like, it's supposed to be

white rabbit and it's really like brown and dingy and Ramona never fucking helped her when she ended up on the streets. Oh, it's gonna happen. Yeah, Ramona will be like, well, I used to have a mansion, but you know, Hurricane Irene came and it attacked my house, so I have to get out. I have to come to the street. I have to live on the street here. No saps.

I have an intern, okay? Okay. Let's talk about a few of the other things that happened during New York, and one of them is why is Carol such an uptight bitch and rude to Luann? Luann is annoying, but Carol needs to get

off. I protect my friends like they're my family. How dare you ask for that dress? No, no. Here's what it is. Okay. Pumpkin head. The protectiveness thing is bullshit.

What she's basically saying is that like Carol's like, I have some friends who are like really cool and really super important. And you're not that super important. And you're trying to step in. And I don't want my cool friends to drop me so could you that is exactly could you just step away and i wish that she would just say that and that luann would turn back to her and say um guess what um i'm more famous than you and i actually uh look good in dresses unlike your nasty little bony shriveled up asshole i was i was sticking up for Luann.

Yeah, I was on Carol's side 100% on this. Oh, Luann is like the bottom, the bottom of the bony ass crazy bitch barrel. She is disgusting. How could you even stand up for that woman? You introduced your friend to somebody. That's like, what if Ben introduced me to you and I was like,

hey Matt, you know where I'd look good? On the front page of Yahoo. Why don't you put me there? Hey, Matt, would you blog about me in Yahoo? Oh, my God, guess what I did today, Matt? Maybe you should put it in a blog on Yahoo. Yeah, well, then you could have turned around and said, well, you know what? Maybe you need some extra traffic and I'm going to deliver amazing traffic to your website. Just like Luann by, you know, being on the cover of Life and Style in the bottom corner. It would have said gown by Naeem Khan. You know, I think it's not even about

the gown. I know that thing when it's like, you have like It's called Carol is an evil bitch who thinks that she is some A-lister and that Luann is not A-lister. And Luann, what? And Luann is an A-lister?

Excuse me, like three weeks ago, you're sitting on this podcast bitching Luann is not a list. And Luann what? And Luann is an A-lister? Okay. Luann's like an Oscar winner here? Okay, excuse me. Like three weeks ago, you're sitting on this podcast bitching about like, oh, can Carol shut the fuck up about like working with Diane Sawyer constantly? But that's like all she really does. Okay. She keeps also talking about this dumbass widow book of hers. Is that on anybody's fall TV schedules?

It's fucking not. So shut the fuck up, you fake writer. Let me tell you something okay um carol tell me something you better tell it to me in her voice okay first of all you need to have you need to eat like a piece of bread or something because you are going crazy right now all right he's like find get your spider butler and say you know what don't throw out that macaroni just yet because you were losing your mind matthew All right? Carol Radziwill, she may not be at the level of Michelle Obama, but she certainly is more established than Luann de la Seps. I would appreciate it if you didn't ask my friends for things. I'm protective. I'm protective. I'm protective.

I'm protective. I'm protective of them. It's weird. I don't want you to ask for dresses. You gotta love that Luann was about to lie to her like five times and say, and she stopped herself

and was like, so he was offended. to her like five times and say no i didn't see and she stopped herself and i was like well i would i no so he was offended by she knew she could not lie and get away with it yeah no carol what do you think bitch like you are on a housewives show it's not you've seen the show i don't know what you thought you were going to come on here and suddenly everyone was going to be classy yeah why why would they change like give me a break yeah no i mean carol should realize that you know when you when you when you're swimming with a trash you might get a little stinky you know i'm saying i just made that up and then she's like trying to say at the end like yeah well you know

if we're still talking to each other in like six months or whatever and then she was like i'm just joking slash no you're not yeah luann looked horrified luann's like wait a second i have like a classy friend who is a princess and she doesn't want to talk to me anymore yeah we'll wait until she sees the show whoops uh-oh that big old pumpkin head's gonna be real offended real soon oh at least she has cock de la jock oh yes um you know i was never mind i was gonna say to say something that had no bearing on anything. And I'm going to stay on topic. I'm going to be non-tangential. That's my promise to you guys.

Thanks for shitting in the middle of the show. I know. It's my IBS. I just Camille Grammard. Sorry, guys. So what else happened on this stupid show? My favorite part. The old people fucking, the old people hard-ons, the old people squirting.

Just stop it, old people. And guess what? I don't want to hear about young people doing it either. So people on the line at Starbucks, I don't want to hear about your shit. You see how I just said I got laid and didn't talk about butts or anything like that? Keep that shit to yourself. I don't want to hear it in line while I'm waiting for my two-pump moment. Number one, it's called

in line, not online. Okay, we're in California. We're not on the East Coast. And my other favorite thing... Eat a candy bar, really. No, be quiet. So here's my favorite thing. Aviva's body is fucking rocking hot, and

I loved her bathing suit. And then I loved when she is in the hot tub, not having the balls to say anything to Ramona. But then in her confessional, she's like, and that bitch didn't want to hear what I had to say about her bathing suit. Yeah, I can't wait for Aviva to totally snap. Aviva is teetering on the edge of I'm going to fucking murder you, bitch. And not just because she has one leg. She's teetering because she's mad. Exactly.

It has nothing to do with the fact that she's on a stump one thing remotely did that i did kind of like was when she was giving aviva shit about her leg and because it made aviva say look i just don't want the attention i don't want attention really because you've talked about not having a leg probably five times an episode since you came on this show, Salish Strother. Yeah, Aviva. If you don't want people to pay attention to your one leg, how about you stop falling over at your own parties? How about you get a hot glue gun and keep that thing stuck on you so we don't have to deal with it? Do you think Sandy Duncan walks around talking about her glass eye all the time?

She doesn't. I wish she did. She looked all over the room in like 10 different places at once i wish she would talk about her glass eye and the hogan family because honestly i would just sit there like a kid family you mean valerie well five names it started valerie then valerie's family then the hogan family i want to know how long it took her to fly for peter pan i want to i want to know if she still eats wheat thins oh Oh, they're baked, not fried. She really knows how to endorse things, doesn't she?

She does. Where is she now? So can we all agree that we don't want to hear about old people squirting anymore? We don't. So why don't we move on to middle-aged people squirting? And by that, I mean the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Okay, done. Let's go there. So they went on a trip to it was supposed to be a trip to napa and yet they went to half moon bay which is an hour south of san francisco even though how excited were you to see that we had some major synergy with hurricane irene not just affecting

sonia i know i was seeing the same thing i I was like, well, all this is happening. Sonia's sitting there drunk with martini glasses capturing water coming in through her wall. She's probably like, oh, wow, look at that. It's raining outside. I must get my toaster oven ready. Or something like that. I don't know. I didn't know where to go with that.

Something to the effect. Sorry, I lost my train of thought. Anyway, so for the past nine weeks on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, we've been waiting for this massive trip to Napa, and we finally kind of got there.

It took the ladies and their families and their extended families and all those friends and Caroline's annoying children who have been elevated to regulars on the shows um flying driving blah blah blah and all they did was end up in a shitty ass parking lot rv park i was i you know i agreed with theresa i would not fucking want to go camping there either yeah i i have to say i agree too but first of all i loved the random like animated sequence showing all these families going from like new jersey to pittsburgh pittsburgh we're crying out loud

that's the closest airport they could get that was open to go to pittsburgh um we're popping by to visit um abby lee miller from dance moms i thought that whole sequence of them getting out of new jersey was actually pretty hilarious did you you not pause your DVR like a thousand times and take pictures of that animated airplane with their heads? Because I did. I loved it. It reminded me of America's Next Top Model when they go overseas, you know? It's so true. And then Tyra

always plants a Union Jack and then does some smizing. Yeah, and they go on Tyra Air, a little airplane. They put their faces in that. I feel like it was the same people behind that. I always want Tyra Air, a little airplane. They put their faces in that. I feel like it was the same people behind that. I always want Tyra Air to go down. I love the way Teresa described the hurricane. I think she said, it's a lot of rain and what did she say?

It's like a lot of rain and maybe wind, right? And maybe she's like, it's a lot of rain and a lot of windy. Something like that. It was like a really strange use of incorrect words, more so than usual. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History?

Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. think about when they hear the words black history rosa parks reconstruction mlk february black history exactly exactly there are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about especially outside of february and we are about to flip the script on all of that because on this show you're gonna hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Has Ronnie fallen asleep? What the fuck? I think so. No, I'm reliving the episode and this is my reaction to the whole episode. What did you guys think of their extreme shopping trip

for camping supplies? was absurd that was absurd they spent one of them spent five thousand dollars i think the whole thing on cheetah placemats the whole thing was like four thousand dollars i think the producers were like just go in and get anything you want and be silly about it it was ridiculous they bought 19 grills i will say they had some nice rvs made me want to go on rv um why don't we take this podcast on the road um we should ask sideshow network to pay for it and should go around to all of the housewives cities we'll start obviously in beverly hills we're here we'll drive down to oc make our way to miami we'll hit jersey and new york i think that we should do it. What do you think?

No. Yeah, Matt, we'll see you there at Smart the Depot. Yeah, we'll be there. Who would drive? I would not drive. I think you would have to drive because it would be hilarious when you clip other people's cars. I would run over everybody.

I sure as hell wouldn't drive. Ronnie, it's you. No, no, I don't drive. Well, it looks like our tour has come to a quick end. Quick end. Okay, so can we talk about a few other things that happened? There were some actual funny shenanigans, and by funny, I mean

horrifying, and let's start off with Richie's morning wood and shaking it in everybody's face. I am so embarrassed for our beloved Kathy sleeps with that nasty, dirty Jeff Goldblum who sticks his erect penis in people's faces.

It was so gross. Well, she didn't seem to mind because she said that she likes to bone him more than once a day, which I really just don't need to know all this. It's like too much old people sex. And they're not really that much older than me, I don't think. Are they? Kathy's like 46 or 47.

I'm 49. I have a question. Why wasn't Rosie on this trip? Because they're friendly to lesbians when they don't have to be in confined spaces with them, just like the rest of the world. Yeah, I feel like Rosie in an RV would be like... It's called safety issues all right you do not want to piss one of those crazies out uh man listen you don't you don't

have to convince me i've been watching a lot of olympics and some of those ladies up there wow no kidding just put just stop picking things up all the time, gay ladies. I feel like if you put Rosie in an RV, she would be like the Hulk, and she would scream and grow really big and green and explode out of it and go running down into the ocean and find a salmon and bite it in half. That sounds delicious. I actually would much prefer Rosie than the Manzo boy. Than all the Manzos, actually. Really, Caroline?

Why doesn't Caroline just quit the show? You know what I like? Actually, so another example of our favorite CEO of Caface, also known as Caface. Lauren Manzo. I hate her. I hate her. So her boyfriend, Vito, brings this box of cheeses and stuff like that, which is

cool. And people are just fooling around and they take the box and they take stuff out of it. And Lauren's like, that's not funny. Okay? I brought that box and I wanted it. That's not funny. Okay, can I just ask you this? I'm a vegetarian and I'm not pretending that I'm superior even though I

am because I don't eat the flesh of dead animals how much fucking sausage can these neanderthals inhale seriously aren't you on a protein diet yeah but i don't eat like you know i can't eat i don't eat in encased meats number one matt matt don't he don't eat meat but he sure liked the bone i'm a i'm a prude i don't even know what's happening but anyway like every scene when lauren manzo or like uh joe judice are on screen involves a rock hard dried out piece of sausage or bacon in a skillet like what the fuck and what's the problem with this? Everything. It's gross.

You're like, every scene has something amazingly delicious in it. What is wrong with them? How much delicious food could these people eat? Don't they know? Here are my notes. This is the notes that I have written down in front of me for Jersey. It goes like this. Number one, Carolyn is still a bitch. Number two.

She's horrible. She's a horrible person. Hurricane Irene. Number three, boner! And number four, what's up with all the sausage? Those are my four no's. I was actually very appreciative of how Bravo can really find ways to make us realize how stupid these people are. Episode after episode.

Season after season. I mean, driving in a bus and going, what are those, cows? What do they do? What do cows do? Why are there mountains here? And it was like the first time they had ever watched a bestiality video on YouTube.

What took them so long? That explains the donor. But they're like, well, look at the cows. What do the cows do? And how come there's mountains there? And Greg's answer, because there's earthquakes here i will say this despite being completely dumb as fuck the only people that i could ever stand going on vacation with are greg and kathy and they need a fucking spin-off like thelma and louise style i think at least just kathy does i don't i think greg all his comments

will just be very obvious things like oh this oh, this looks like Barbara Streisand. That's like Barbara Streisand's boobs. That's like Liza Minnelli. The worst of the gay and the Jersey stereotypes. Yeah. One of the, you know, surprisingly, Albie's new girlfriend did not go on the trip. She had to stay back and batten down the hatches and survive hurricane irene while the family left um she was well she was conducting her

internship with sonja morgan so she really couldn't get out of that one um so do you think that um do you think that they're gonna last or is she too hot for him or is she just a gold digger they're gonna last That bitch has already worked her way onto the show and into the apartment. They will last. She's smart. She's a Melissa. She's going to be knocked up in two weeks. And what about her eyebrows? Anyone notice her eyebrows?

Yes, I did. Made me pine for the days of last week of that eyebrow lady at the Boom Boom Spa or whatever it was called in New York with the two caterpillars over her eyes. Oh, my God. Back alley waxing. That should be a new Bravo show, back alley waxing.

Million dollar waxing I think would be more of a Bravo thing. That's true. What about when Teresa was talking about how much she hated Half Moon Bay to all the people that were sitting there in their little chairs. Oh, you mean the toothless folks that, uh, could not even properly say the word moonshine without like stumbling over it. They were hardly toothless.

Those look like they were actually like people who like were, they wear fleece vests in public. They are toothless. Um, if you've ever been to the Northeast, you know, who wears the fleece vests in public, the wealthy people.

Really? Yeah. You ever go to Vermont? That's what they all do. Oh, Vermont, the epicenter of taste, darling. Well, it's New England. It's waspy New England. If you're going to say that, you better put on your Martin Lawrence Ballard for that one, buddy.

Oh, Martin Lawrence Ballard. He's been shopping over fresh and easy you get some poblano peppers that are pre-packaged well i wouldn't tell you if they if they had fleas here i wouldn't be shopping here okay so uh i have a question uh yes we it's a very important question as you all know the olympics are going on and uh we're in the middle of olympic madness oh my god i'm in love with marta caroli just putting it out there who's that the um coach of the women's gymnastics team oh i haven't even watched him now i was watching some man's gymnastics and they were falling off the yeah they're falling off the bars and they could i was like what's going on could not rock that

pommel horse i know i was like? I was like, what is this? Is this like the Matt Woodfield Olympics? Oh! It was like a commercial for 1-800-DENTIST. I'm all, like, so many of my friends used to work at 1-800-DENTIST. Oh, really? We probably have a lot of the same friends.

I have a lot of friends who work there, too. Oh my god, totes weird. Well, the other countries need to have friends who work there, too. Oh, my God. Totes weird. It's getting weird. Well, the other countries need to have friends who work at 1-800-DENTIST because those other countries... Look, if you can afford to go to gymnastics class every day and pay for spandex outfits, you can afford a cleaning. For Christ's sakes, stop sucking your thumb, children in other countries. A searing commentary on the state of dental hygiene at the 2012 summer olympics yeah i really think that we should have ronnie should get like a 10

minute segment on 60 minutes i'm not even kidding i know so that being said um if uh the housewives were competing in their own brand of olympics housewives olympics what do you think some of the events would be what do you think some of the events would be? What do you think some of the housewives would excel at? Well, I think that they should have an event where you have a squirting orgasm out of a vagina that hasn't been wet in over

15 years. That would be interesting. It would be like an orgasm shot put. It would be like a mirror. Ew. It would be like a splooge javelin. Ew. It would be like a splooge javelin. Ew. It would be like the white water rafting except on a river of semen. And Camille Grammer's shits.

They could do three-legged races. Oh my god, don't let Gia into the Olympics. She would get very competitive. Gia would be like the Japanese delegation contesting the... No fair, no fair! You're cheating! She would not be happy.

She'd be going up to those judges. You cheated! Teresa would probably... And then she'd turn into a werewolf. Oh wait, she already looks like one. I can imagine Teresa doing pole vault and she has the big pole and she just runs

and she probably just runs right under the pole. She's like, what? I'm supposed to put it in the ground? Why would you put the pole in the ground? That's stupid. I just run through the gates. She gets a gold medal for stealing Kathy's mom's recipes. That's for goddamn sure.

I bet Lauren Manzo would be in some sort of... Oh oh my god can we just take the next two minutes to talk shit about lauren manzo and the olympics and things that she could um you know compete in sure yeah okay i'll start scone gobbling scone gobbling monster tire pushing. Hot dog vault. Marie calendar trampoline. Egg white avoidance. Rhythmic mozzarella making.

Cannoli balance beam. That's when you balance on a cannoli, like it's a balance beam, and then you eat it. I got one. I got one. I got one. Floor non-exercise. She just lays on the floor. She just lays on the floor.

It's the floor exercise, but no exercise. They can just time it. They'll be like, yep, she's still laying on the floor. It's the floor exercise, but no exercise. They can just time it. They'll be like, yep, she's still in. I think she's breathing in now. She's breathing in. I think, oh, she stuck the eye twitch. Her level of difficulty is zero. She could walk from one end of a mat to the other end

and just take another dollar out of her mom's purse on each relay. And she's just going to write, It's a slow and steady walk to Caroline's purse. That's the angle across the floor exercise. And then her brothers would make fun of her for not doing cartwheels. And she said, I don't want to do cartwheels. Why should I do cartwheels? You guys always get to do cartwheels. I don't want to do a cartwheel.

I don't need to be like you. I don't need to be handsome like you. And then she would take her dad's money and go get lap band surgery and then die. Okay, next. What else happened? That would be the big scandal. Lauren Manzo caught doping with salami. She'd be like the Jell-O 200 meter, where she eats 200 meters worth of Jell-O.

Okay, let's get back to Caroline for a second, because every time I now watch it, I'm really excited, i know that ronnie hates caroline as much as i do these days and when um they would just point to like the camera to caroline she would just be sitting there like a big old bump on a log with like a grouchy bulldog face that she has just still talking shit about theresa it's called caroline if you're gonna be on this show and collecting a paycheck and all of your goddamn family members are gonna be there collecting a paycheck too you gotta do something else besides just sit there and snorting going I hate Teresa that's all she does that is all she does I mean for

no reason and then you've got Melissa oh no Jackie's like well we're actually getting along really well and Teresa's been really nice so you know I don't really see a problem and Jacqueline's like well until you admit I mean Caroline's like well until you admit your faults then it's all bullshit yeah how about you admit your fault you fucking kujo yeah how about you how about you admit the fact that your sister dina thinks that you're an evil

fucking bitch how about that let's start there yeah yeah how about you stealing the the gay wedding from dina's show so you could have it on your show, you tramp. She gets a gold medal of reality show stealing. She's horrible. Oh, and that was in my gossip section today, too. It's rumored that Caroline is getting her own talk show, just like Bethany. Oh, please. Nobody's going to watch that show. It's going to be on public

access, and it's going to be sponsored by Posh. And everyone's going to get confused because they're going to think it's Bonnie Franklin or Mary Lou Retton on screen, and they won't realize it's actually Caroline. You're being mean to Mary Lou Retton during these Olympic times. I know. I shouldn't say anything. I'm sorry.

Yes, moment of silence. Okay, now we can move on. Is she dead? Mary Lou Retton? No. We just killed her soul, though, by comparing her to Caroline. Exactly. Honestly, though, if you put Carrie Strug and Mary Lou written together,

you would get Caroline. That's true. And a little Marta Caroli, to be honest. And a little Bella Caroli too. Why not? Throw in a little Bella, maybe even some Dominique Dawes.

Oh, maybe even some, maybe even some Paul McCartney with his big jowls or some Dominique Mochiano. Since I don't understand sports or lesbian references, I think that we should end the show with a game of It Smells Like. Okay, what does it smell like?

And tonight's topic is Caroline's vagina. What does it smell like? Go. It smells like rice-a-roni that's been left on the stove with old mushrooms. Okay, I think it smells like um when you leave flowers in a vase so long that the flowers die and then you throw the flowers away and they're covered in that slime and then you go outside to empty the vase out and that water smells i think it smells like that matt i am just picturing a bowl of dead flowers right now. I need a second.

I was going to say something along the lines of lighter fluid and ragu. I think it smells like when you open up a game of Monopoly for the first time in ten years. Oh, that is a good... That is a great smell. But it's also what her vagina smells like, which is sort of like a mixture of, like, cardboard, fake money, and little metal trinkets.

I think it probably smells like an old Motel 8 room that a lot of people have smoked in, and then a big fat cat came in and peed all over it. I think it smells kind of like she went and rubbed some crystal light up in there because it made it tingle.

I don't know if that would actually happen, but I kind of feel like it would. I kind of feel like it's the sort of thing that would happen. I think that's something that they should probably sell at Cafes. The crystal light Tingle? The Crystal Light Badge Tingle? I was just about to say, nobody wants to vajazzle anymore.

Everyone wants to just shove some Crystal Light up there. I think it smells like an open tin of Sucret's cough drops. I think it probably smells like one of those rubber band balls that a really nervous person makes and gets hand sweat all over. I think it smells like a water gun that's been filled

with rice vinegar. I think it probably smells like the dressing room of a Dillard's. I think it smells like a peacock that just went wading through a little pond that someone had spilled Apple Jackson to. I don't know. Now you're just looking around your fucking apartment. I don't know. Okay, now you're just looking around your fucking apartment.

I'm back to my apartment. There's a peacock in here, everyone. I'm sure there's Apple Jacks. I don't know if you have a new roommate named Peacock. My question is... Not only got you thinking about Clue and Mrs. Peacock, but regardless, we're done.

I don't even know why anyone would spill Apple Jacks into a pond and why a peacock would walk through it. But, if it did happen, it might smell like Caroline's vagina. Alright, well I guess that brings us to the end of another thrilling episode. A very

special episode. Yeah, thanks everybody so much for listening. We'll be back next week. Tweet us at WhatCrappins. Any questions that you might have or new suggestions like AlexasBelino and Cookster74 did. Thank y'all! And our BFF, shout out to our

BFF Tammy. We love us some Tammy. We love us some Tammy. She'd be brave then. Yeah. She needs to come on this show. We need to work that out. We need to go at least have a cocktail with her or do something because I love her. Let's make that happen. If you want to come have drinks with us or

something, email us because we're sad and we're free. You can also find us I'm at TVgasm. You can find Matt Whitfield at Life on the M-List and you can find B-Side at B-Side Blog. And please everybody, tell your friends, do not forget

you can also download this on iTunes. You can stream it on TVGaz and you can stream it on B-Side Blog but the downloads on iTunes are what matter and what really matters are your amazing reviews and comments on iTunes. I look for them every day and I want to say we're at like 84

and if we don't have 100 by the end of the week, I'm going to kill myself, Russell style. He might eat like a cookie. I had like five bottles of champagne this weekend and gained 1.5 pounds, so I will just go off the rails unless we get some more iTunes reviews.

Yes. Unless you eat this show, then please keep it to yourself. Only good reviews only, please. Yes. Play Jill Zarin. Say nice things about me, guys. I came on your show.

Be nice. I'll retweet you if you're nice. She didn't even really retweet it. She retweeted Ben and then she really didn't even promote it properly. Yeah, fuck off, Jill Zarin. That still stands. Okay, everybody. Thanks so much.

We'll see you next time. Play nice. Be nice. That still stands. Okay, everybody. Thanks so much. We'll see you next time. Play nice. Be nice. Bye. Don't forget to go to Gamefly.com forward slash haha and get your 15-day trial from Gamefly. They have over 7,000 tiles to choose from for all game systems and handhelds. No late fees. Free shipping. Cancel anytime. That's Gamefly.com forward slash haha to get your free 15-day trial.

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