Watch What Crappens - Married to Medicine: Track and Shield

Episode Date: November 22, 2017

It’s a double recap of Married to Medicine! First up is a hamburger cook of flavored with the salt of relationship tears, and then is a track and field day for FITNI, where Heavenly just barely resists using the tug of war rope to strangle the new chick. This week’s bonus is about our field trip with Lea Black, Heather McDonald, Kelly Dodd and a couple of Below Deck surprises! To hear it, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens ***For 50 percent off your Stitch Fix order, go to stitchfix.com/crappens! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchi blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com-watchwhat-crapins. That's patreon.com-watch-what-crapins. You can also find us on social media, on Twitter, we're at what-crapins, on Instagram

and Facebook at Watch What Crapins. We'll see you there. I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, the OG Prem Supreme, and our super duper premium sponsor, Kelly Grant, the most gorgeous girl in Texas. We love you. Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappings Podcast! The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Yeal Braves. I'm Roni Karam from Trash Talk TV and the Rose Briggs Bachelor podcast. And here I am with Ben Mendelka of the B-side blog, the Banta Blinter, and also Watch What Crappens,

which we happen to be on right now. Hi, Ben. Hi, how are you? How's it going? Good, I'm doing so good. I love a hump day. I do too. I'm laughing because right before we start recording this,

I got a call from DirectTV trying to sell me on a promotion. And I put it on speaker, so we're on it, could actually hear it. And they were like, we want to offer you showtime. It's got this, this, this, and this, this. And I was like, no, I'm not interested. And she's like, well, what do you normally like to watch? What do you normally want?

Like to watch on TV? And I was like, I watch just mainly the bravo. And she's like, okay, we'll have a great day then. And we're like, damn. God. She, she's like, she heard Bravo. And she was like, okay, this, this guy has no hope. Yeah. Way to quit, Quitter. I put the call, I'll put the call at the end of this episode because I know you actually, oh, you recorded it. Yeah. That's part of it. It was, you know, towards the end because one of my favorite calls was when you got that went for the cruise line And we sat there and talked to her forever we cut that one phone forever We're like skiing, but I'm handicapped. Do you have wheelchair skiing?

This woman gave up she was just like She's like he can't she's like he watches a lot of bravo. He can't be serious I think I'm being pranked better better hang up now. Yeah, but he also has a weird Like just making up just to call Like play a character so you don't feel like an asshole yourself, you know I couldn't really understand her voice to be honest. I was like, what are you saying to me right now lady? What are you offering? I don't get it. Yeah, well that will be at the end of the episode Oh, but I'll tag that on the end. Why not? In the meantime, go get some merch, watch at crappens.com, and also,

we're performing at the what warehouse. I'm so sorry. I fucked that up. No, warehouse live is the vendor in Houston, Texas. In Texas, March 9th. The VIP tickets are already sold out. So get your ass over there and buy some tickets, people. people We are gonna have fun Texas style. Yeah, which comes to you means like there's gonna be a lot of beef and oil involved male yes and great Mexican food Mm-hmm So um, you know what's funny about the city of Houston where we will be performing is that it is also the city where there had been a be performing is that it is also the city where there had been a spin off of marriage medicine. And it's funny because today we're here to talk marriage medicine. Actually, that's a good idea for our live show. We should call all the marriage of medicine

Houston people over and have like a year late reunion. I'm sure we'll just be filling in the seats when once we announce that. Hey everyone, the long-weighted reunion for marriage, medicine Houston. Remember that time. Actually, I don't remember anything. Hey, you guys, could you tell me something you did? Did you like, well, I'm a doctor. Okay, I'm bored.

Get off the stage. Clear. Remember that time you got, remember that time you told Ellie, she wasn't a real doctor because she she's an audiologist I'm in her sister almost beat you up. Hey remember that time you guys went to that painting Indian party and came to Ellie's event covered in mud and paint That was so nice Hey, how's Cindy Rose has she made any good slavery silhouette art lately? For the first hundred purchasers of watch what crap in Slive tickets slave art for Cindy Rose

An old marriage medicine Houston. Oh gosh. Well married to medicine Regular Atlanta Regal classic. So we said we'll record these as the bonus episodes, right? So we recorded the first one as a bonus. Then last week we were supposed to record it as a bonus, but we talked about our trip to Mexico instead. Yes. So that was not a bonus. So now we're gonna do it as a regular day because Real Housewives of Dallas is down for the season. So this is coming at you on a random day and we're going to do two episodes in a row. Well, we're basically going to recap. We're going to go over the episode that we skipped last week and then we're going to dive into this week's episode. Because it's important to be a married to medicine completionist, I believe.

I believe. Yeah. I'm very proud of that. I don't think there's every moment it can get. Yeah, every moment, every moment. Plus, you know, we have to address the arrival of Cone Tessa and other exciting things. But actually last week's episode was really good. I actually liked it. I mean, I like Maritom Edison.

I thought the first season was so good. I would tell everyone, you have to watch this show. And then I kind of like fell into this, like, rut for a few seasons, but I think it's sort of like coming back to life. I think it had an odd trajectory because it started as like another housewives type show where everybody screaming and fighting the whole time, which was fun. And then it turned into the Mariah and Quad are broken up now show, right? Didn't break up like right in season two. Season two, right, which was everything had enough show, right? Didn't they break up like right in season two season two, right? Which was everything happened off camera, which we didn't see apparently some steak restaurant. They got into a fight

And then we heard about it all season and they were both trying to push each other off the show Which led us to season three where I think they were Was Mariah was off the show, right? No, no, yeah. Mariah was off the show season, season three. And then we have like, yeah, although Mariah is still the producer. And then there's like, leasing a cold drama in the mix, which is, was that the season, was that the season that leasing a colon quad fought on the restaurant or is that the next season? Maybe the next season. That was season way.

Season season five. So season three was a jail, season three was a jail of the Daffodil. Yeah. Which that was I remember not liking that season. That was the season where I really started to turn on it. But I thought Jill, the Daffodil was hilarious. Season four was really when on Lisa Nicole and Darren's marriage was under the spotlight.

Lisa Nicole would to war with everybody and failed and also Mariah tried to come back and go to war again with quad and failed again, which was hilarious. Yeah, Lisa Nicole is awful last season. Last season was good. Actually, last season was really hilarious because Lisa Nicole started with Lisa Nicole having a birthday party or something. And then like someone was like, by the way, someone like said something to her like benign and she started screaming at them at the birthday party. And last season was also when they really went all in on the couples thing because it had already differentiated itself by being more about the couples in a regular house I show, but last year they went all in on that and it started becoming like couples therapy for the show or for the couples on the show and stuff like that.

or for the couples on the show and stuff like that. And this year, I think they finally found a groove with that because this is the one now that really is about the marriages and I love it. I love how they just do marriage group activities and still find them aside. It's like they give you everything. It's got, it's finally found, it's boys. So last week's episode was,

it was sort of about this cooking competition and you know what I liked is it also introduced some new public domain music there was some sort of like transitional music that was going like you think yes super man well guess what I'm super woman that's my first note to. How do we think of like? It was like... I think you're super mad, but guess what? I'm super woman. Also, guess what? Superwoman gets a building way below Superman. So, well, I don't know.

Superwoman has a show on the WB and Superman has movies in the theater. So... Oh, yeah, that's wonderful. That's wonderful. I should say. Oh, wonder what... Oh yeah, wonder woman is, wait isn't it super girl? Super girl, yeah. Okay, so super girl, who's super woman? Is that a person? There is no super woman. The female version of Superman is, what's the right word when

you infantilized whatever? Superman is, I don don't know that's how it's my head when I read it I pronounce everything wrong the point is this um the songwriter from laser London is still at work and we are very happy about that or at least still getting like her five cents per play or whatever Bravo Gimster yeah so heavenly basically there're still the fallout from the Dr. Jackie affair that's going on and Jackie's like I Have never felt this kind of pain Which is why I am now boxing yes and heavenly is spouting generic advice like you need to be able to feel in order to hear Jackie

if I broke my arm I can't make my mind but my mouth work good maybe it's your lack of emotion that could let her to believe that he don't care and Jackie's like um we've been we were married for years, so he should know me by now. So that's on him. I was like, good for you, Jackie. She's right. I heard him go, oh, it's her lack of emotions. Well, he married this lack of emotion.

He knows how she reacts and things. Yeah, it's like getting mad at your Rumba because it like buzzes too much. That's what it's supposed to do, okay. What are you gonna get mad at it for picking up the lint off the floor? Come on. You married Dr. Jackie. You get what you get and

Heavenly who just threw like some kind of sex party for Dr. Jackie and Dr. Jackie took that pretty well But she's already listened to all these monologues about the women like if he did that to me It ain't his fault if that bitch did done it. Yeah And so Heavenly brings it up again. She's like, How did you enjoy the other night? We had this puzzle not for you, Dr. Jackie. It's a bowl full of french fries. After we're done, I give it to Toy.

I'll show you such a good butt candy and then put it on her kitchen counter. Then to fix her, her advice is... You got to eat, too. here I mean there's some calories speaking of which we also then go over to Quad who has announced her entrepreneurial endeavor for the season which is this is kind of funny because there's certain housewives who always have a new the new thing that they're trying every single season which is why they don't get taken seriously. Quads is, she's now going to write a cookbook. I'm like, where did this come from? Is it because you like showed your sister-in-law how to put tomatoes on

a sandwich once last season? I'm sorry, I feel like cooking. I feel like cookbook really isn't the biggest way to get a dollar, you know? Like your bias books, everyone goes on the internet, you know? What are you gonna be the next food wishes? Although I would be down if she was making stuff. Oh my God, I love your first chance. Making stuff. She'd be like,

Oh! I'm a latte. Hey, I'm a latte, latte making on there. How about that? I'm in jail for that video, honey. And as usual, enjoy. I love Chef John and food wishes. and I'm there. How about that, man? Jill, the daffodil, honey. And as usual, enjoy. I love Chef John and food wishes.

If you don't know about Chef John and food wishes, y'all got to get woke to Chef John. Yeah, welcome to a maize town. Okay. So here's, oh, sorry. Yeah. I was going to say, here's why I'm, I think I have dubious feelings about Quads cookbook. She is borrowing a hook that comes from like them all the failed Food Network stars, which is my cookbook to be about romance on the table. You know,

the apps are going to be teases. This sounds a full play. The seafood is steaming up the place. I'm like, Quad, the angle of like food for romance for day and night is so tired and it doesn't ever make sense and it's the worst don't do that quad don't well welcome to dine as driving and driving away I don't know what are you even talking about yeah the last one was Demarice Phillips with that food network so yeah she's like I'm gonna have a relationship show. We're gonna cook for dates. It's gonna be sexy. I watched it, that was not sexy.

It was the most awkward thing I've ever seen. Still love you, still love you, Demarice. Well, you know who was a big proponent of bringing sex appeal into the kitchen. Chef Penny, that was her whole angle on food network star. She's like, Chef Penny. Yeah was her whole angle on Food Network Star. She's like, yeah, people forget that Chef Penny is not just working in the, working in the galley's of,

of, of pump. She was on Food Network Star and she was like the villain and she was like, I'm making sexy food. It's food for sexiness and they did that photo shoot where she like put her back to the camera and then turned her head to the side and like held up an apple It was like sexy chef Benny

Look people don't want to fuck you and they don't want to fuck your food either put it away chef Benny Yeah, I'm not sure about quad here either because she opens this scene She's making a rice cake for the dogs and she puts the rice into a circular mold Very fancy, baby. Wow, wow, have a pile of rice when you could have it in a circular mode. That's like saying, wow, get a tire for a cherry, when you could just get tomatoes. Baby, baby.

So she gets on a FaceTime meeting with her friends and she's like, girl, yes, brown bunnies,nies honey she wants to go on a world tour for her cookbook I'm like you're barely gonna be able to get like a booking at like the ground round okay she also, still says crazy quad shit like, Listen Oprah, Oprah has a team and I'm not gonna follow far from that tree. What? Oprah may have own, but quad has, QUOAN, as in the quad, woman's network.

QUOAN. Romance on the table, baby. What means network Whoa Romance on the table baby So she's in the meeting she's like we want to play after word romance Apatize the Cetezas a salad is full play and See food is steaming up the place That's some reason I didn't like that description for seafood and sex. Rose! Steaming up the place.

It's sound like this is what you eat before you have a douche or something. Or like an anal bleaching. Yeah, it sounds like a vagina. Walking through Disney World on 110 days. Like no one needs that thought of their mind before they eat a clam. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I was, I don't know. I don't know whether or not a cookbook is a good idea

because I don't feel like I've seen enough of quad cooking. She could be a perfectly excellent cook. I don't know, but this just seems to come out of Lafille. It's like Sonia Morgan being like, oh, I'm, you know, me and my toaster oven. You know, I always love making those things in toaster ovens. Like just because you heat up an English muffin doesn't mean you can have a toaster Reven cookbook or Sal Toaster Reven. But I will give Quad the benefit of the doubt because I do love Quad, even though there were a few seasons

where I was a little over Quad. I'm back to loving Quad. And Quad is way better with that Mariah on the show. Yeah. And I'm just, well, she Quad went into Diva, went into a Diva place a few years ago, but now she's back to being like, just quad. And I mean, I would like to also say a quad,

if you're ever in LA and you feel like cooking for us, we are all years slash mouths open. No, she would, that would make sense to her. You're all ears, you're ready to eat my cooking face. Me? Jill, the death nail has a baby, cook, cook. I like when the, of her team she's like brown babies baby. I like when whatever teammates or her team members goes now can you handle the local press? I'm looking at a world to her. I'm glad we have you guys to do with like Atlanta 7 in the AM or whatever it is. Glad we have some trainers here.

So another thing that was happening, another minor thing before we get to major things, another minor thing that was happening on this episode is that Alora wants to be a singer. And she has a very lovely voice concerning that she's like nine years old or something like that. So, Dr. Heavenly is all about this, especially because what we learn is that Dr. Damon actually has a music studio. He does music on the side. He's been a musician for all these years. So Dr. Heavenly wants to be a momager. And she's like, yeah, I was the CEO of a record label once.

I'm like, what are you talking about? You were the CEO of a record label. Where did that, see, it's like the marriage medicine is good for throwing some random shit at you. Where did that come from? It goes, I did, dammit. It was a flop, cause the office was half a time. But I did have a record label.

Yeah. Also, I like that Damon is this music producer on the side, but he's got a literal Casio keyboard at. And he's like, okay, do you just pressing buttons on the Cassio So guess she's like what about this one It's not just George the season you want her to sing George Caesar All that shit the comfort of the Cass. Yeah, I like the demos. Like, did it in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, that's Mozart.

And you can change a Mozart. What did Alora say she wanted her song to be? It's like, I believe in me and me, and then believe in yourself like me. And she's like, they don't sound like a dance song. We need something that can sell. Then she tells us with a doctor in the testimony on she's like, Michael made beautiful music. And if Joseph's weapon was part of it, it's something he needed. Maybe he should have whipped it. Maybe he should have whipped it. He does ask more. maybe she'll whip Tito's ass more. David goes,

and she says, Don't say nothing about your main daddy. Don't you even fuck with your main daddy. Don't touch that. Don't touch your main daddy. So, yeah, that was basically all that was going on with the heavenly's life there. And then in terms of Toya's life,

she and Ujina are still not having sex. So they were, they're at like a restaurant at one point. And, and she's like, I want a bit more intimate. And he's like, he's like, I masturbate for you. I masturbate to you. I think about you when I masturbate, that's pretty intimate. She's like, oh, and then the waitress comes up and she just turns the waitress and goes, my husband's just telling him a lot of the masturbates. Yeah. Like the waitress did not need that. And then he goes ribs. I'll have ribs, okay?

Just get me ribs and she goes, you sure you don't need my help? Shut up, tomorrow, my God. This whole episode is toy you're talking about. Her husband jerking off and her vagina drying up. Yeah, I should run there by the time I was going to try up and you're going to be very upset, Eugene. What you should have did was put it in, Eugene.

And he goes, they have creams for that, okay? Hey, can I have an extra side of barbecue sauce for my ribs? Like gross, you're both gross. So it's her birthday, she wants to do something special. And since she's like being good with her money and not spending at all the courtyard, the courtyard, like she dreams of doing, she's like, let's her money and not spending it all to marry out the court yard marry out like she drinks of doing.

And she's like, let's have a pot luck. Do you not have a pot luck and invite me for your birthday? Don't do it. I'm not cooking for your fucking birthday. Who does that? Well, she doesn't want just a pot luck. She wants to have a cooking competition. So she has decided their big party is that like it's going to be split into teams.

Everyone's the whole cast is going to come plus some other friends and it's gonna be split into teams. So everyone's the whole cast is gonna come plus some other friends and it'll be doctors versus non-doctors. That's the plan. But you know, this party is going to be fraught with all sorts of emotion because in Dr. Simone and Dr. Jackie's lives, things are just going sideways in very sad ways.

So Dr. Simone, we see a scene where Dr. Simone shows up into her south house because that's like a lot of her story is her walking in the door being like, I'm back in the North house. I'm like kitchen counter and just stairs at sea cell with that look and he's like, hey, look what I taught the dog to do. Well, how was your day? And she's like Well the disappointing thing see so Is that you can treat me like I don't matter. He's like, uh, do you want some dinner? See so what I am trying to convey is like, oh my god, this is the most comfortable center watch. It's obvious that Sam the dog gets better treatment than I do

Cecil. Do we have to go back to the beach and roleplay and do couples therapy with unlicensed couple therapists, A.K.A. me. So, you know, Simone, I hate to break it to you, but you did something very, very wrong. You renewed your wedding boughs last season. And unfortunately, the curse of the renewed wedding boughs on Bravo is... It hasn't failed yet. Well, Kim and Troy fingers crossed fingers crossed. Yeah, well, he's about to be out of money. So we'll see I mean, if she's posing online with fucking shakes, you know, I'll see you've got to have them on Although Lisa Vanderpump did that. I saw Lisa Vanderpump Instagram where she's like look It's me and a diet shake. I was like aren't you worth $75 million? What the fuck are you doing holding a diet shake? That's hilarious.

Well, everyone likes money when they can get it. So why not? It's the easiest way to make money is to take a picture with a shake on Instagram. Speaking of which, someone wants to do a sponsored Instagram post. We love shakes. Yeah, we love shakes.

We love shakes. We love everything. We'll do a shake one day, a teamy, me the next and just some kind of cookies the next like we don't even care We don't even care if it's on brand. Just send shit over sent shit over pay us pay us money and we will be happy to To finally fulfill our destiny as social media influencers. Yes, so Empti my thars Like bachelor at come to contestants. So implement that like Vatula at contestant. So anyway. So anyway, so Cecil and Simone have apparently been fighting, but it's been getting really bad to the point where

Simone has thrown out the divorce word and kind of meant it. And what's even worse is that there's a Michael who is the younger one, he had texted her and said, are you and dad gonna get a divorce? Which was actually like very heartbreaking to see that on camera, because you know, they've always been like a really strong family. They had some issues like a few seasons ago, but they're just like a really lovely family.

Cecil seems great, Simone seems great. They have a good relationship, the kids look like they're two great kids. So it's sort of devastating to watch this and it's sad. Yeah, but what makes it fun is everybody getting their chance to read parts of Dr. Jackie's blog, or the blogs about Dr. Jackie's husband cheating, and it kept cutting to each housewives' home

and they're all reading it at the same time. And these women are all so ridiculous. God is like, ex-alusive baby. Dr. Jackie's husband caught with another womb. Well, it wasn't that he was caught because episode one was, oh, he's caught. This episode, the mistress speaks out. And so she was giving her side of the story. So

they're all reading what she has to say. And you know, in quads like, oh, cheer the death of your mistress has it. So basically, then we go to this cookoff, right? Just cookie. More or less. I mean, we have mom, we again, we have a very, we have, we see Jackie processing it and it's just like, you know, she's like devastated. She's just embarrassed and she's like, I'm humiliated to my core. But it's sad and everyone's and the mistress was saying that she was sleeping with Curtis for months, but no one's believing her, et cetera. So yes, you're right.

She's basically doing her own Instagram, influence her post. She's like, am I shaken? Yes, I am. Am I shut down? No, I will not be moved. I will drink this shake. Fit me.

Fit me shake. So all the stories you want to write, there's nothing that can make this work. Just sit down, you are not on my radar. Right off. I love her. So yeah, so now we're now right to where it's birthday competition. And everyone's talking about Dr. this thing coming out.

And of course, the guys, especially Greg, has like, have these like really ridiculous things to say. Greg is like, you know when a man cheats, the women always especially Greg has like, have these like really ridiculous things to say. Greg is like, you know what a man cheats? The women always say, they always say, they always like go, they eat the mistress, they don't even ask the man what happened. I'm like, that's because the man cheated. The man cheated. What's the other side of the story for the man?

Yeah, he's pretty much taking the wrong side all the time. And Eugene's like, well, look, I haven't talked to Curtis at all. Okay, so there were pictures. I don't know. He deserves to have his say. And to where he's like, uh, the girl did interviews. Okay. She said she screwed about the first night. And heavenly's like, I didn't come to cook. Nothing. I came to eat. And I'm like, focus heavenly. We are talking about the affair, ma'am. And heaven heavenly goes in on the mistress, too, because those women are saying, I never knew that Curtis was married. I never, ever knew. And quad was defending. I think quad

believed the woman because it's an interesting thing, you know, because on the one hand, it's like, fuck the man, the man's the pig, he tells her that he's not married. And then she starts in this relationship. And now she's the bad guy, she looks like the slut. But on the other hand, it's like, I have only sort of has a point to when she's like, and a woman with any sense, daddy, if they put in the room in your name and you don't see him until a certain time and have sex with him, you pretty much know the mother tuck as buried, right?

Yeah, I have a feeling quite might have been on the wrong end of that stick yeah because she's kind of taking she's kind of taking the in odd side yeah it is weird but at the same time though it was still Curtis's fault like I don't care like I don't care because she even if this woman's suspect that he may have been married it's on Curtis because he's the one who's actually married I mean it would be a she she would be probably a better human being if she didn't mess around with a married guy, but I firmly believe that ultimately, it's not like the shame to go to the man.

And I feel like a lot of times it goes, it's like people gang up on the woman, which is why I thought I was strange, that Greg was like, oh, women always take the women's side, like no one ever asks what the man is feeling. I'm like, are you kidding me? The first thing that happens is that everyone tears on the woman and says, oh, she tried to steal my man.

She tried to do that, you know? Because of a woman cheats. Well, yeah, I mean, I understand the problems. Yeah, I understand that there's problems in the marriage. It may be made him that inspired him to cheat. And okay, but that's still not the excuse for actually doing it. It's like Quaid said last year, you know, or last week.

Two weeks ago, yeah, sorry. She's like,ads said last year, you know, or last week. To each go, yeah, sorry. She's like, and one. Yeah, you ended. And then you begin the new chapter of Quads Cookbook. This is called steaming up the windows with clams. Yeah, let's not make it this bad, you know. So I liked it Toria, through his heavenly shade, because heavenly comes alone and Toria's like,

did not tell you David's about it? What is David at? Name it. I wanted to tell him about my best debate ribs joke. And heavenly's like, he's a work. At least he ain't cheating. I know what he is. I got it on the damn app on my phone.

I've said this a million times on this show. If you are married and you do not have your spouse on fine, find my friends on your iPhone and you aren't following his ass around on the iCloud, you're making a huge mistake. Technology is trying to keep people together, okay? Well, you know, this actually reminds me of a scene from Blood, Sweat, and Heels. It's a show that I actually really enjoyed on Bravo. And I don't know. That one, I would love it to come back, but of course,

there's like tragedy intertwined with it because Sweet Daisy, who was on that show, passed away about a year or two ago from the cancer battle. But remember, I think it was the first, very first episode, perhaps. What's her face? I don't say Dmitria. She was like the moment that I go into my guys' emails, the moment I'm checking up on where he is I've already lost that trust and I kind of believe that Well, that's true, but then you see you know like we covered real housewives of Atlanta the other day And that guy doesn't have his phone, you know, I feel like he has a heavenly he's like Oh, he's at the hospital look. I'm looking at my friends

And he's like a dinner with Cynthia somewhere, you know, look, I'm looking at my family friends. And he's like, they dinner with Cynthia somewhere. Yeah, that's, that's true. Well, he didn't bring my phone because I just don't want to be rude on a date, baby. Yeah, very, very, very. Well, the other thing is to get back to what I was saying before I just realized this sort of came up about blaming the woman or whatever.

And Quad is basically like, no, you'd be out to blame Curtis because you know what? If Curtis never got with another woman, there would be this whole interview, all the stuff that we're talking about, like whether or not she should be doing the interview. If he never got with her, none of this would be there.

And then Gregg, he's like, yeah, but how easy was it for him to cheat? Meaning, I think it means one of two things. It means that like she threw herself at him or Dr. Jack, somehow Dr. Jack is false. He made it easy for him to cheat. And I'm like, I just, such an asshole. I mean, I do think, you know, like there are,

you know, it's just exactly what you just said before. Like, you know, you do have to make, you know, you wanna give your partner what they want and whatever it is and some capacity before. Like, you know, you do have to make, you know, you want to like, you want to give your partner what they want in whatever it is and some capacity because you want your relationship to be strong, but you don't cheat on someone the moment it starts to go sale. You end that chapter and you start a new one. He's being like a stereotypical like teenage girl about it too, the way he's acting. It's like first, he's like, I wanna get a condo

and I wanna move because it's always about you. And I wanna make a decision so she's like, okay, so he wants to do a set of hers. So he gets his way with that. And not have a baby too, by the way, not adopt a child. Yes, not, you know, he gets his way, he gets his way and she's still not giving him whatever he wants. And so he just goes to

cheat. It's like every little thing he does is like a temper tantrum, you know, everything we've seen out of him is some kind of temper tantrum and it's a big one, you know, it's like a baby, it's a house, it's a fucking affair, you know, fuck off. Stop acting like you're such a big strong man. When all you do is act out emotionally in huge issues like terrible decisions Just because your feelings are hurt get the fuck out of here Like you think my 20 year old's gonna like sit there and worry about your fucking feelings Yeah, it's a shame. I always really liked him and I liked him with Jackie together But last season when he didn't when he didn't go on that group trip and he'd like he's he basically through a temper tantrum

I was like no, I'm not going to go. And then she had to go alone and she was humiliated by it. I was like, that's what you don't do that to me. You don't do that to my doctor, Jackie. Not to Jackie. These same men were doing the same thing last year, the things that they're saying now. They were still saying that shit last year. Like, well, it's your fault, basically.

Yeah, exactly. You're not giving them enough. You know, fuck off. So the significant thing that happened at this cookoff competition, aside from all this chatter about men and women, was that we got to meet Dr. Contessa for the first time. She showed up with Simone, and so this was, she's the new cast member. She seems very promising. We get to learn more about her this week, but Contessa shows up and she already, she like bristles with Heavenly,

because Heavenly's like, Oh Contessa, Dr. Bell, it's like a royalty daddy, Dr. Belly, woman, did you that Contessa? And she does, you know, and to me, it was like, oh look, Heavenly's actually trying to make the new girl laugh, that's new, you know, and then she's trying to be friends, but she's being obnoxious and

Contesa goes, yes, what's your name gorgeous? And she's, what's my name? This bitch fucking with me already, daddy. Yeah. It was just funny, but it was also like, Evelyn Lee just say what your name is, you know, it like at least goes through the motion because like even the, you know, like, you know when you meet a famous person or something like that, like you, you, you know, at least go through the motion because even though, you know, when you meet a famous

person or something like that, I feel like you still go through the motion even though it's like, I know your name, but I'll still be like, oh, I'm bad. And whatever, you know, it's like, did I'm saying? That's the motion. Of course you've watched the show before. And you know who he is, but you're pretending to meet for the first time, okay? Heavenly, you're pretending. So let's see. So the teams break up, yeah, break into, they break into teams.

The competition is to make a burger for Toyota. I'm gonna be the judge, it'll be like, Chuck, except just me. And so the quad, it's basically quad versus Eugene. And Quad's team is doing like a turkey burger situation without bread and Eugene is doing a Mediterranean burger. And Quad is sticking to brand, because she's like, we should do a grind up against

mid turkey baby. Like it's very sexy. A grind up against mid turkey baby. Like, it's very sexy. A grind up against mid turkey. Sounds delicious. Yeah, and so Toya is like checks with Contessa because she's like, so what I showed her did was checking on you earlier, is heavenly training you will,

and then ambulance to go to the hospital because you're sad right now. And she's like, yeah, I mean, Contessa's yeah, I mean, she's like, it was weird. I mean, she sort of seemed like she was coming at me. I don't know what's going on with that. So then, to her, it was like, oh, I have a little, could I come over here? And then they just start to fight. Yeah, because Toy is kind of starting it like contestants.

Contestants like, okay, she's crazy. I know I'll talk to her later. And toys like, it's your favorite. So then heavenly sees them talking. So she comes up and she's crazy I know I'll have talked real later and towards like eight years they did so that heavenly sees them talking so she comes up and she's like so what did she even say what are you talking about was it a joke I mean I forgot heavenly what did you say did you say something like what and heavenly's like I don't remember what it sounds like come on you're making it up here's what I don't want to do. I don't want to have something that's not there, daddy.

And then she starts screaming and yelling at my friends off, like having a fish. She's like, she's like, ta, ta, you trying to instigate right now? You trying to instigate ta, and ta has like. She's like, does this bitch not know the definition of instigate? Obviously, it means building a gate instantly instigate.

I don't see a grab Instagram Instagram for gates. And cadets is like, like, what kind of birthday party you have with your friends act like nuts? I don't know why I wrote that down. So, um, yeah, quad is big. It's hard. We're gonna talk about that fucking planter speeding a guy in every recap this week if it kills me. You know, I have to talk about Quad's turkey burger situation. She's like, can I get some wussushia sauce, please?

Some wussushia? And then her turkey burger look like, it looked like meatloaf battered. You know, it was like that. Really? I bet it looks like yogurt. It looks like this. It was like thick looked like meatloaf battered. You know, it was like that really. I bet it looks like yogurt. It looks like this. It was like thick and like creamy.

Yeah, I don't know how that thing's gonna cook through. So there's a lot of liquid in that burger. So while they're cooking, meanwhile Dr. Jackie and Dr. Simone are like going through personal crises and Simone and Cecil are tense in this kitchen because they've been fighting. And she's like Cecil can be nasty.

And so I think it was Simone. Dr. Simone was talking about Dr. Damon's great qualities being like really passive aggressive. Like talking about how he listens and how wonderfully he treats heavenly respect or whatever. Oh yeah. Yeah, it looks like total respect in that household.

Do what the fuck I say because I'm a man and you're a woman. Okay, man. Daddy. The relationship we all aspire to. So Simone starts crying in the corner because he's still been meantor. So Heavenly is talking to her and Heavenly's basically her her advice is like, when he's mean to you you'll be nice

to him daddy yeah this one's like the world beats on my man every day you need to be there for him baby come on man that's been a bitch to me am I right if anyone has a heart it's man am I right they just don't get a break when she said, I would love for a sea soul to learn from him. I said, if you want that, then you've got to be heavenly. You've got to make everything about him, which you're not willing to do, you know? And I don't blame you.

You should. So then someone's like, hmm, I need to talk to someone who actually seems to come from this century. So I'm going to talk to Jackie instead. So they're talking and someone's basically like, I'm going through some shit. And. So they're talking and Simone's basically, I'm going through some shit. And Jackie's like, oh, that's OK. I mean, I'm not going to do anything right now.

Nothing at all, yes. We're going to be here for you. Hey, is it on the blog? Is it on the blog that we can read? Yeah. So anyway, they have their conversation. I'm sorry, that's not on my radar yet. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Radar online. Did you get that? Because I feel like a lot of people don't get that. I'm sorry that's not on my radar yet. Do you understand what I'm saying? Radar online. Did you get that? Because I feel like a lot of people don't get that. I'm sorry Simone, is your shit being hashed out across the country right now? Oh no. Okay, great. Go on.

Now let's talk about something important. Is Toya ever gonna stay in a Mary-Ock courtyard? Courtyard, here. Damn, but I always get that backwards. Also, let's talk about what she's making. Besides looking just like a yogurt dip quad. She's making a turkey burger with gouda cheese. Yes.

In fact, this is the final menu here. Quad presents, and of course she presents, Tatoi the judge in this very, in the classic quat thing. Oh, what we have here. What has transpired is that we have made a turkey burger with goota and bacon bits and some sauteed peppers. Oh, you're ultimate pleasure in the bedroom and the bedroom of your stomach lettuce on the side,

baby, baby. And she's like, because you don't appreciate the bread Baby, there is no bread. We use the lettuce as the bun, baby and Eugene's like don't think of this as bread think of it as a platform She's like that while we prop up our bed with one the bread? It's like get off of me. I work all day. Okay. All right. So Eugene offers up a lamb and beef Mediterranean burger, which sounds fine, but here's why I have some issues. Green pepper onion mushroom chutney.

Is that chutney? Yeah, with a piece of bacon, you know, smushed up together, but I guess that is a chutney? Yeah, that's a bunch of... With a piece of bacon. You know, smushed up together. But I guess that is a chutney. Sort of. And then there's a big piece of bacon on top. I was like, the sad part is this is still better than what they make on Food Network Star. Yeah, it is. Both of them looked good.

And having Lee's like, Come on, Paul, it's your man. Help your man, baby. And Tori is like, well, look, here's what I say. The bacon was an amazing touch. Such an unexpected touch for a burger. I love that. Yeah.

Did you leave to put the bacon on? And to the amazing touch. Did you mean to make this ketchup on the big on the on the burger? Because that's a really surprising choice for a burger ketchup. And she picks the non doctors team. Yes. Want want want. Who would have thought?

But, uh, yes, a toy a wins, which is good for her cookbook. She now can say, I mean, her quad wins. She can now say, quad, the award-winning chef of Toyaz birthday cookout. Yeah, it will be the top of her local news appearance. It'll be running in one of those things under her. Quad. Can you smell what the quad is cooking? Baby! And it ends with heavenly going,

for me, that ain't really wrong. Regardless if the book of taste like shit, he would have won! Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity few, from the build up, why it happened,

and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these few would say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok-tock of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown, alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is team jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums.

Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondering app. Alright, so let's go over to episode 3, Shelby. Love it or hate it. There's no denying you could be shopping better. You either spend all day at the mall and end up with yet another striped t-shirt or you scroll endlessly online just to leave everything in your cart, Danny? Now you can shop the productive way and help with stuff you actually love with Stitch Fix.

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feel like it. Now daddy, get started now at stitchfix.com slash crap ins and you'll also get 25% off. when you keep all five items in your box that's StitchFix.com slash crap is to try StitchFix today daddy StitchFix.com slash crap and daddy. Yes, so that was all last week. That's that's our version of a light recap. Yeah, it's only 40 minutes long Jesus. So this week's opens up with Dr. Contessa visiting Toya and we learned that Toya's dad is in town and that he took the kids to Red Lobster and Toya didn't go because she knows if she went,

she would not be able to resist the Red Lobster biscuits. And I'm like Toya, I have never felt so bonded to you ever in my life. If they let's say Toya told me they was a platform, did I want would eat them. But those ain't holding nothing up. So I like how it started her. She's talking to her kid.

She goes, you want to show them you can read this book. Get up here. Did you just follow my lap? No matter is wrong. Yeah. She goes, yo, bad is is wrong. I think that you're the wrong person to teach your child English. I, to is the wrong person to teach your child English.

I Toe is the wrong person to teach a lot of people a lot of things because last season was all about little jeans gotta lose weight. We're putting on an adnicam and to make sure Eugene doesn't lose weight. And then this season they have like a punch bowl full of candy on the kitchen counter. Just a giant bowl of candies. And Condessa's just sitting there eating out of the mouth. She loves to, she loves to catch you, Jean. Yeah, it's an Eugene trap. A little Jean I caught you putting your hand in a toilet bowl.

Now, she's a playable. She sounds, Dr. Contessa, I'm not sure about you. I'm not a hater or anything. I like like a nice lady and I like that they got another doctor. Yeah, but I'm not sure about you. I'm not a hater or anything. She's like a nice lady, and I like that they got another doctor. But I'm kind of bored. I'm not bored. I just feel like I haven't, you know, we're just starting to find out about her.

I like her because she seems smart. I mean, she's been a doctor for 13 years, and she learned in the Navy. She's like everything that I feel, she seems like a role model, where they're like, oh good, they finally put someone on the show that like, you know, young girls can look up to for the moment, like next episode, it's all out the window,

you know, but for right now, I'm like, okay, you know, we'll wait to see, she's better than Lisa Nicole, okay? Yeah, well that's true. But I would have loved to see Lisa Nicole's next almost disease. Come on, don't leave me hanging. Or her next like hideous red velvet contraption. Well they had an article about her, they're like watch Lisa Nicole tell off both her husband

and his mistress about keeping it quiet or something. I didn't read it, but I was like, oh my god, that headline. I can't even read this. So Cassandra, Cassandra, I wrote down Cassandra, but her name is Contessa. Contessa starts calling Heavenly, Wreck at Ralph, and she's like, if there's one woman, I would be happy to never see again.

It would be that Heavenly Lady. So then, we... Why would you call yourself Heavenly if you're gonna act like a devil? I was like, oh, Contessa, girl. What would would you go about the season one to lift that lame one? So then we then go over to heavenly where she is sitting talking to a Laura about Contessa. And she's like, the twitches name is Contessa. C-O-A-E-T-E-S-S-A. Come to us.

And Alora's like, come on, Mosh, you're... Oh, you said nothing. Hey, Laura, why I got a problem making new friends? She's like, sometimes you're abrasive. You know what I'm saying now? By the way, if there's anyone who's not allowed to name shame someone it's heavenly okay heavenly your name is an adjective your name is heavenly I'm sorry and it's fine we're used to it but don't but don't don't become me

for contestant name when your name is heavenly okay if your name was like like Susan fine but if your name is heavenly you can, if your name was like, like Susan fine. But if your name is heavenly, you can't come up to Contessa. Okay, they're both ridiculous names. Did you notice when she started laughing with the Laura? They both laugh like, like, this really loud witty laugh, it's so fun. And then we keep, we cut back to Contessa. And she's's like I'm Contessa. I served in the military Yeah, Terry is basically like oh You just gotta get the note having a little bit. She isn't everyone. You're not alone in the situation So like you just get used to it. It's by Hasselma County from Eugene's ball

Um, I keep writing down C O N T because I write down their first, just the first part of their names, which is also the abbreviation for continued. So every time I see it, I think, oh, this scene is continuing. I'm like, no, it's not. It's a difference. Yeah. Well, actually, we then go over to Quad and Greg.

It's, I wrote down Quad and Greg in the morning, which sounds like a morning show. Quad and Greg in the morning. Is that, how was the Rick Rouse hair? Well, one of our new dad got some Rick Ross hair. She's like, baby Rick Ross hair. How can you grow Rick Ross hair on your head if you can't grow it on your... for him. Yeah, and she's like, oh, he's like, you gotta come back to the office because we're out of air freshness. She's like, you're asking when I'm coming back to go over to check on the air freshener?

Him out the air freshener girl, baby. Absolutely not, absolutely not. She's like, I'm his secretary, his dishwasher, his chef. And then they show her making the bed like, really emotionally, my co-yeah, you're really putting it all in there Quad you really putting a suit when I fold when I when I make the bed and these lovely sheets from Ashley Fertcher Do I ever get a thank you? No

When I put pillow after pillow filled with feathers and fuzz onto this bed Do I get a thank you, I don't, baby? You could put a lampshed on a pelican and still won't get to thank you out of the Mr. Gregoros Sysro Lonsford. Now enjoy these ain't touching you in the morning pancakes, baby. So Dr. Jackie, she's like, well, my world is crumbling around me, but at least I still have. Fit is the new it it also known as fitney. So she is

I know I know and so close to jittney also So close so so Jackie is She's putting together some sort of like fitney field day what she seems to do every season She like always makes people go to some decrepit park to like do three-legged races and stuff. So I would like it to be outdoors. Okay. Glad we had this meeting. So Curtis, we've learned that Curtis is now sending Jackie Gips.

So he's in this phase now where he's sending her giant Swarovski crystals, which look ridiculous. And Louis Vuitton bags because it's their 15 year anniversary. So I'm like, I almost wish you would just move on. Like don't do, don't do this. This is now just sad and pathetic. Yeah. Or you know what, if you really want to forgive this, get that mistress's head in the bag, and then you have her the Louis Vuitton bag, okay?

Let's get really in the box. What's in the box? What's in the box? Come on, tell me what's in the box. Jackie's film eight. She gets to the last one. Not being on my radar. The eight's in all the sins are just gluttony.

She's like, remember the man who ate too much spaghetti? Remember the man who lied about eating too much spaghetti? Remember the man in the bed who's still alive? He had a great body. Even though he ate too much spaghetti. He's in the box. She's reading the card. And it says, she's like, I don't want to take you for granted.

Oh, doubt the way that I feel. And one of her nurses is like, well, it's an effort. And then her other one's like, you want me to hold on to that bag? Cause I'm a good holder. I like Jackie's response. Well, they teach you in medical school. Your effort don't count if the patient is dead. It's like, yes, Jackie. Yes. So she doesn't like these guests by the way, which made me happy. I was so happy that she wasn't like, well, he's trying. Oh, well, this is nice. She was like, mm-hmm. I don't like this. And we see in like a flashback with Simone. And by the the Jackie scenes, I I find, which would be very riveting and the Simone scenes too, because they're like real. And you see she's talking to Simone in a flashback that she's like, like, I think she's like filed

for divorce, it's happening. And Jackie's like, the thing that makes me sad is that I missed all the signs, you know? And that's what makes me the saddest of all. I missed the signs. And I was like, oh, that's like devastating, you know? Like that's, I just feel like everything Jackie's saying is so real. Well, she met, she saw the signs, it's just she didn't think they were signs that he was going to

cheat, just that he was miserable and completely felt alone. I mean, she did see those. I mean, he basically said it. I don't know if you read it. Well, but unfortunately, she may have seen the signs, but they did not open up her eyes. Yeah, that was an answer to dance reference Ronnie Sorry, it took me a minute. I was like so open up my eyes Well, you know what I heard about the mistress is that all that she wants is another baby. Oh They had another song. Don't walk away Curtis. We're back to Kenya's songs that she's acting out in her house to her husband.

More importantly, Simone is at Menchis, which I really, I feel like this is finally a scene I can get behind, you know, scene frozen yogurt in the background. Yeah, and I love how people on this cast, even the kids, can turn food into sex every single time. I mean, so far, just in this episode alone, we've had Toyota talking about fucking with ribs. We've had quads, like, sex slash cookbook. Now we've got Samoan's kid, like, got some other kid like mom I like my ice cream vanilla I like my women vanilla and she's like I want my baby to like chocolate and if you don't can we can we can we compromise with the swirl that for mom. Well obviously we can see that this all this arguing is having a huge impact on the kids

because I mean poor Michael. He's going to a frozen yogurt shop and he wants to get vanilla. I mean, what is happening? Yeah, that is acting out. That time, like they're all those great birds. Yeah. When you go there with when you have all those handles there, you you can have some vanilla, but you better put some other flavors in there. Otherwise, you might as well just go to the store. Yes. So he's got his like it's affecting me. That's why I sent you that text asking if you're gonna get divorced And she's like the children should not have to suffer what the parents give them or whatever

So we're gonna put this on national TV. Yes, and he's like well You know, I sent that text because at least it got you to talk and because so you're telling me that you manipulated me and he's like Yeah, pretty much. We call it what you want to. I'm so proud of you. It's even, I thought he was saying that he was crying so that we did stop fighting, which was so heartbreaking because he's like, mom, you know, I'm the emotional one and not going to lie. I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry when my brother leaves for college and you know, I cry the way you end up when you you and daddy fight and I was like oh my god this poor kid

I was like I was like I just wanted to hug that boy He looked and she was like well Michael, you know Cecil and I we have to decide whether we can get along or whether we should live separately and he's like Well, it's just that like, like, if you guys get divorced, I have to choose who to live with, and that's not fair. And then he just looks down into the vanilla of Froyo, and I was like, And she goes, yes, that's right. And it's not fair. I just want to give that boy a hug. He's so sweet. I've always found him to be very, her kids have always found him to be extremely sweet.

And I just was like, the way he's looking, looking sadly vanilla ice is vanilla, menchies, fro yo. I was so sad. No, no. Um, I don't know if they're going to get divorced. I feel like they have to stay together, right? I think they will. I think they will. Because otherwise, who's going to lead the couples therapy? Yeah, exactly. That they're unlicensed to lead. Yes. Uh, so over at Contessa's house, I already love her kids. Her kids are so cute. She's holding one little baby and she's like, do not take my toy. She's like, don't yell, baby. You don't do that's not how we talk to our brothers. And she's like, do not touch my toys. Like that's that kid's the next Bravo star. I love her. I Just like that when I set up the scene I wrote Contessa at home, which is almost the name of a cookbook

Barefoot Contessa. Yeah, I just like I own that I own I own this scene and I kind of want all her scenes to be her living out The Barefoot Contest cookbooks like they'll be one scene where she goes. You know what? I just want to get back to basics like every like every, um, barefoot contest a cookbook. It opens with, I gave them hot dogs. That's what was in the fridge. Well, I mean, that is like a classic barefoot contest thing, which is like, I'm going out of town with my friend,

Barbara Lieberman, but I've left some ice cream in the, in the freezer for Jeffrey. I wonder if he knows even how to open it. We'll see. So she's got this crazy Danny from down the street. Yeah, she is the mom of the Nell Jones. She guys are giving them hot dogs. What are you even doing? What'd you do all day? She's like, what nannies do? I did the clothes. You know,

what nannies do. And she's like, come on, Mr. Ray. She's like, okay, I watched my stories. Yeah, pretty much. So they're basically sassing each other. And yeah, she's like, hey, something doesn't look right over there. You're not doing that right. Meanwhile contest is the one who's cooking Yeah, it's like it's turkey. Why don't you ever yell at Scott for anything? And she goes because he does stuff right Yeah, then she's even when it comes down to like turkey stirring Yeah, and then she even say I just like I'm told by God what to sit like what I should talk about or that I just like hear that in my own heads I don't know she might have I was obsessed with the baby at this point because they're like, okay dinner's ready

Our stirred turkey our ground turkey dinner is ready like whatever the hell that was and they're like, okay So they all sit down and they go baby. Why don't you give the prayer and she's like, okay? Why don't you give the prayer and she's like, okay. You're like, oh man. I think I, I think I blocked that out because I have a natural, I have a natural, this real reaction against babies and toddlers. So I was like, um, looking at my watch now. Well, coming from a family who thinks that they were two women in it who think they both speak tongues, but seem to speak them in different languages.

I was off for the babies. Yeahai yai yai yai yai yai. I was like, I'm there. It's another third in the Tower of Babel. Bring it. So now we go talking about Babel's. Let's go to Toia, who also speaks her own language. And she's now hanging out with her dad and pouring wine. I said pouring wine from behind the giant candy ball. Okay, I don't know why I observed these certain things.

Be the way she's like, Oh, Jean got me a shower head so I can masturbate that. What do you think about that? He's like masturbation. I don't even know what that was. She's like, Gelsu, because you have sex all the time with a little man who is not my mom. So pretty much. She's like, I remember growing up listening to head bedroom doors. He definitely does what to do with shower heads.

Okay. This guy's a piece of work, and now I understand everything about Toya, because she really makes sense, and she always has wildly imaginative ways to explain her reality. And so he's like, well, two times your mom felt I was cheating. And he's like, I wasn't cheating.

I just, I needed someone else to comfort know, I wasn't cheating. I just, I needed someone else to comfort me because I wasn't getting from home. I was just comforting, but it wasn't cheating. She's like, uh, dad, I remember having to come home and switch the pictures at for you because you had so many girlfriends, you would call her and be like, Oh, no, uh, you know, Sarah's coming over, switch the pictures. She's like, he would call say, so he's coming over, take Angie's pick down the players up and I would do it. She goes, that's why I learned to manipulate. I learned a minute, but I still have to go into a flickr account

and changed up in there. That's right. I'm the last person on flicker. She's maintaining 12 flicker accounts. So how about it? How does some bills do you need daddy? So she's like, well, he says don't don't compare me. So here I am. Any man capable because only man has a child.

Would you show me man? Was it trustworthy? No, that is me trying to follow Toria's set in structure. I was like, what? What are you saying? I'm not sure that I even heard that properly. That was like some Thomas Pinchin's shit, like the soapose modern, that the words are all

in like different scrambled order and yet somehow it's brilliant. Yes, and I know that I should have probably read it first and then, you know, made it make sense in my mind, but that's what Toria notes are. Whenever I take Toria notes, I get to the end and I'm like, what the fuck to cheat just say? I'm not rewinding. I'm just sticking with it. I feel like if David Foster Wallace were still alive, he would definitely write a chapter

in something about Toia. It would be called the dipolate. Infinite, infinite manipulative. So let's see. Infinite Eugene. Basically, she's like, my dad is a piece of crap. And who jeez that, but God, dad, my dad's funny. He probably said, he probably some cheddar biscuits too. Cause he know he did. You know, yeah. And that little and that special bag they have for the cheddar biscuits where it's like, like aluminum on the inside.

Yes, aluminum on the inside. Delicious. like aluminum on the inside. Yes, aluminum on the inside. Delicious. I'm trying to make those cheddar biscuits. The red lobster, it cannot be replicated. I've read all the recipes online. You gotta use Biscuits, whatever. It does not work.

I cannot make cheddar biscuits. I can make biscuits and I make some killer cheddar biscuits, but they are not that cheddar biscuits. Ronnie makes a fantastic biscuits. Ronnie makes a killer biscuit for anyone who's been listening to the show for the past year. You know that he was inspired by Top Chef. Last, last picture.

I love a biscuit. And he went on a biscuit journey. And the outcome are like just marvelous, marvelous biscuits that he brought to my Super Bowl. And one, we'll give you a heart attack. All you need is one. There's so much shit in there. Anyway, I'm getting hungry for biscuits, which

means I'm immediately going to start making biscuits. I know. That's why I started doing this. Because if I do this, he's going to make biscuits, and then maybe I can get one. No, there will be no biscuits. So let's talk about our other favorite storyline, hoverboards. Yeah.

Simone is riding around on one and Quadad comes over and she's like, What are you doing? Really girl? Have a ball, baby! Quad is so much too excited. Yeah, but she just loves hydraulics. So Quad is like, Let me tell you something. The other day Cecil in the cooking competition, he was wonderful, baby. He was like a spoon in the middle of the car practice office. Nothing but hunk of junk. Okay.

And then someone's like, well, let me tell you something because he's terrible. And he says everything, he blames everything on me. And he is a nasty man and our marriage is in trouble. And she's like, oh, see, you're not getting attention at home. Well, let me tell you something. My marriage is rough too. And I can can't I don't get thank yous. I have to take out the trash

What is going on in my marriage? You know, you know me. I do not take out trash You know someones like okay, I guess we could talk about your marriage instead of fine and now quad sobbing And she's like having to take care of quad And there's like a little case of Dia on the table. You know that like Simone's like, okay, I'm making a case of Dia. And I'm gonna let Quad know the truth about me and Cecil. And she's going to be there for me.

Oh, okay, I guess, okay. So Quad sobbing now. All right. Yeah. Simone making some. I'm making a case of Dia is like someone else throwing a five, you know, five course dinner party. Like that's a huge amount of effort.

And I like what she said. Why? What do you want me to do? I made you a quesadilla. What else can I do for you, Quad? Well, you know what I always say. Casada, la quesadilla, quesadilla. I'm into Kristen Lupitine, where I can step and kick, honey. Like Aladdin, it's more like that. You're reaching for the quesadilla. and Lupitine rock and step and kick honey. Like a lettuce, more says,

you're reaching for the cases. Yeah, and all you get is a shoe. Isn't that ironic? Not really. Look, my. That damn. Uh-uh-uh. I like the part where she's like, well, everyone says

that Cecil is the nice one. But he is mean to me. And she goes, well, I am a bit shocked and devastated, baby. I love she says that like in her way, like you know, quad loves that role playing. Like she has now stepped into the like prosecutor slash marriage counselor, you know, you know, the costume in her head, you know. I object to your objective behavior of my objective by an objection, honey. We will review this case and get back to you with a response within seven business days.

Okay. Can I tell you why else you want to work for spectrum? I was going to say, can I be the time Warner Man again, baby? I'm just gonna work with a spectrum. I was gonna say, can I be the time Warner Man again, baby? You know, our quad impersonation is starting to really verge onto Audrey too, just so you know. Feed me!

Feed me quad! Audrey too won't need the quesadilla either. Think of the tortilla as a platform for the cheese. Ooh, feed me quite more. Alright, so Jackie's field day. Someone basically is like getting tears all over her clothes. Like, great, thanks for coming. So Jackie's field day and Jackie's like,

Some people think I may be down, but I'm not. I'm coming back stronger, which is why this song is saying right now, I'm coming back stronger. Thank you for writing that for me, lady of Lunting. You may think I'm stronger now, but guess what? I'm the strongest. So, because here at my Fit Me event, I've got patience, breast cancer survivors, and I've got my friends. So everyone's showing up. It's like a big old field day, and there's like little events.

There's this ball hop that happens, and they're all around those things. Like there's big inflatable balls that I've ball hop that happens and they're all around those things Like those big inflatable balls that I've handles on them and they're all bouncing across and heavenly starts to shade toy up for her Asping so big she's like This is so big. I feel bad for the ball It could knock down buildings Toys as so big you can feed the homeless Toys as it's so big it could feed the homeless. Toys asked for so big it could kill a whirl hunger. Toys asked for so big it has its own satellites around it. Toys asked for so big it started to be loving. Toys asked for so big the carrot branch so happy. I'm so happy.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm happy. I, it's so hard coming up with. I could not talk to Kathy Lee, Carnival Cruise Lens Oak, okay? If they could see me now, that little gang of guys. Of course. So, um, yeah. So, no, actually not poor Kathy Lee, rich-ass Kathy Lee, who made a comeback from one of the biggest falls and telev. Now look at her. You go girl. Yeah.

Although it wasn't gonna be that big of a fall as she just got just sort of just went away. That was pretty big I mean she got caught with child labor on her Kathy Lee line and then she got kicked off a Regis and Kathy Lee and then No one heard from her and then she gets a morning show where she gets to be drunk with her every day I mean that's winning right there. Child, you know, child labor law violations. Those don't really stick the same way as other scandals do. You know, people are like, Oh, that's bad. But then they just sort of laugh about it. Yeah, only because the children never show up to court because they're always working. Yeah. She's got five all down there working in the sweatshop. So sorry, it's sorted into the thing. So it's fine.

It's like my slurps from my ice coffee are way worse. So now, after all these little fun and games, Heavenly pulls aside Toya to be like, to basically say, why are you being so messy at the cooking competition and Toya's like, Well, you've even fun for nine years, and in Toya's like, well, you're living in the funds for nine years, and now what's going on? Like, you're trying to change, and having these like,

yeah, I just, actually, I'm thinking I'm getting this completely wrong, I think you need to help me here. You're close, this fight didn't make much sense. She goes, she's changed, she goes, yes, cause I'm trying to change my knocking messy with you. That's right, that's what it was. Yeah, I'm done, I'm frustrated with Toya,

because she don't listen. She talks so much, she can't listen. Hey everybody, Toya don't listen. Look what he's like. If she walks away and starts monolocking to them. And Toya's like, just to show how not messy I am, contest like come over here. Oh Contessa.

Contessa is like, listen, all that thing was the other day was that I thought you might have been feeling a certain way about me, but I realized I've just totally overreacted. Yeah, and she goes, well, thank you Contessa for knowing what your problems are now. I don't know the bitch or what she's going to, but I'll give her another chance. Yeah, let's go get a side out of the bitch. So, Jackie's like today, who's about having great spirits,

and we saw big spirits. Yeah, towards us, towards us, so big spirits run away. It's like, okay, thank you. That's open now, that segment is now time. Jackie's like, is there an event I throw that these women can't ruin? Can't we just have one dignified potato sac race? So now where are we? Cecil and Sam the dot. Oh, God, another Cecil and Simone scene. Why would they end with this? This is so depressing.

Because that's interesting. It's interesting. So Cecil and Cecil and Simone scene. Why would they end with this? This is so depressing. Because it's interesting. It's interesting. So Cisal and Simone are home and they're going to FaceTime with their new wedding, their marriage therapist, counselor, Dr. Ken, who's up in DC, which I thought was funny because Shasha on Patelomic, FaceTime, Dr. Jeff, who's down in Atlanta, I was like, you guys just have to sort out your counselors.

OK? It can be much better. It's like it only works over FaceTime. Yeah. So, basically, Cecil feels that Simone is always bringing up old shit. So always bring up grudges, like something that happened 15 years ago. She's always bringing it up. And Simone feels like, well, the reason why is because Cecil thinks he's perfect and

that when he messes something up, he said,, well that was the only time I ever did that. She's like, no, this time, this time, this time, and this time. Well, I'm just going to pretend I'm Dr. Jeff because I like him better than this boring ass doctor. He's like, Neenie, Neenie. Cecil, I notice when your wife talks to you, you seem to get despondent and you look irritated. Is this normal?

And they both go, yes. Yes, this is normal. Look what have you look irritated. Is this normal? And they both go, yes. That's normal. Look, what have you never been out with couples before? Yeah, pretty much. And she's like, I can't even get Cecil to give me an I love you. And Cecil's like, that's fair. But you know what I do love, Sam the dog.

See, right there. Now, look how Sam the dog sits down when I give him a treat Because that's basically never last week and he's like well when Sam the dog when I come home He comes up to me that I'm his whole world. Then she's like yes, and he is a dog Yeah, dog sir dog. Yeah, exactly. And that's the charming note that that that marriage medicine ends on. Well, this doctor, I have to say because Curtis says, look, we're not spending any time together, even when we're in the same house, we see things separate rooms. We don't have dates and she goes, oh, we go out, but with other people. And he's just looking at the doctor like, could you,

could you please respond? Because that's obviously my point. And the doctor like could you, could you please respond because that's obviously my point. And the doctor goes well look, Mimi, you've got to do things differently. Okay. That's what you've got to do. You've got to do things differently. How much do this cost? Of course, you've got to do things differently. You better say who's fault it is and what they need to do to fix it.

And this marriage is doomed, sir. Yeah, exactly. And that brings us to the end of some married medicine, sir. Yeah, exactly. And that brings us to the end of some married medicine, 5.3. Yeah, exactly. So now we are caught up with marriage medicine. Sorry, that's some of you guys had to wait like a week and a half to get a little bit of a recap there. But we hope it was worth it, darling, worth it. Please have an album coming to marriage medicine across of episode.

Yes, we will be back tomorrow with some below dick. And then we're going to take a day off for Thanksgiving, because that's what turkeys do. Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Oh, well, it's be a very, no, we're taking a day off a black Friday. So we can get our shopping on. But what we will be doing is a very special Thanksgiving below deck

episode. And by special Thanksgiving episode, it means we'll probably say happy Thanksgiving at the top of it and that's it. And just do a lot of charades. You got that? You got pilgrims? You got the main flower? You got a main flower? You got chief mesasue? Everyone we love you go by March come to our show in Houston March nights to get tickets for that good a watch at crap and calm and you know what y'all we are thankful for you little turkeys. Yeah, thanks for supporting us monetarily. but that's not AU. It's like, orally instead of orally. It's our tour, it's our tour English. Either way, that's some of the blood in us. We are thankful for you guys.

Have a great Thanksgiving, y'all. Bye. I'm going to introduce you now what you will end up seeing in the next 24-48 hours. They're all 13, March 3 for a kid, I'll be locked. So for now, in the short time, I'm 13, 99, for a week. I don't want any promotions.

What are they, promotions for what? I'm going to be on the 100th loss before you and your family, Ben. What do you want? Yeah, I want the best for your family, Ben. I'm sorry, could you sit on the can? I said, what do you want? Yeah, I want the best for your family ban. I'm sorry. Could you say that again? I said what do you normally enjoy watching when you watch your television? Well, all the stuff that I enjoy watching is the stuff that I already can see. So I like reality TV. So I watch Bravo. I mainly just watch

Bravo. So I don't for that. I don't yeah, so I don really, I already have showtime anyway through the app, so I'm set. Okay, well thank you for your time and you have a good day. Thank you, bye. Wow, she gave up, easy. Bye. What a loser. God, try harder, lady.

Her family's gonna be freezing this holiday cases. She knew I was hopeless. Hey, prime members. You can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.