Watch What Crappens - Married2Med: Lady and the Trampoline
Episode Date: September 25, 2018Married to Medicine is still trying to make Fit is the New It happen, but it’s worth it to see Heavenly fail at therapy and Toya fail at making up with Contessa. Let’s get to the trampoli...ne park! **Our Limited HEY BETCH shirts are available through September at CrappensMerch.com **Crappens Live is coming to NYC, Seattle and Nashville in 2018! Get ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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I'm Ronny Caram. I'm also from the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast.
And here I am with my gorgeous friend and co-host Ben Mandelker.
Hello, Ben.
Hey, how's it going?
So well, how are you doing, honey?
You know, just coping through this Monday, my laptops on the,
it's got the old laptop out, hoping I don't sound too crazy to anyone right now,
but just try to make my way through life as best I can.
I'm still in the guest room in my mom's house with some,
I've got my mic atop like one, two, three, four board games.
So I'm kind of like hunched over this little press on my MacBook
here.
So you know, we're both in odd circumstances today.
Yeah.
Well, that's what happened.
Never rests.
All right.
Never.
Never. Never. Act.
We rest so little that it's,
that we always have a live show.
It seems like around the corner.
We have two shows in New York coming up in just a few weeks
actually October 11th and 12th.
That's like in two weeks.
That's two weeks. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, tickets now because that's going to be that. The 12th has already sold out. And then we have tickets available for our show in Seattle in November.
And also for Nashville.
Nashville is also, I think, getting low.
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And I think that's it for our live shows, right?
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Merch you'll also find our patreon links there. We do bonus episodes every week
This week was all about game of thrones my niece is volleyball games here in Texas
The new show maniac on Netflix and I started watching the crown to
Pretty much very
Thing you know Texas volleyball Texas middle school volleyball to watching the crown. I'm a crown. Pretty much very same thing.
You know, Texas volleyball, Texas middle school volleyball, you know, sword swinging and
betrayal in Westeros, you know, England, it's the same.
Yeah.
You know, lots of moms and superurbans, just like dragons.
It's totally the same thing.
Jonah had skinned Jonah Hill through me for a loop.
Emma Stone. It's totally the same thing. Jonah had skinned Jonah Hill through me for a loop. Emma still, she based, Emma's known as basically Melisandre, the priestess, you know.
So.
Oh yeah, she is because she's a ginger.
That's why you're saying that.
God.
Yeah.
But she's also always telling Jonah Hill, the Lord of Light will save you.
No, she's not.
She's like, leave me alone.
Okay.
That's all she says to Jonah Hill, at least in the first episode, she's like, me alone. Okay, that's all she says to Jonah Hill at least in the first episode
She's like, please stop staring at me sir
Please stop staring at me sir. I'm trying to give birth to a shadow
Yeah, which basically makes her every character in Game of Thrones. Please just don't please don't victimize me sir
That would be great. What's it to you?
What was that show that we watched that were they They kept on saying, what's it to you?
Some show, oh, I think it was actually, I'm sorry,
that was like, down Nabi.
It was a down Nabi.
There was some British show I watched
where like, anytime anyone would say something,
someone would go, what's it to you?
What's it to you?
I don't know, but it sounds like family dinner over here.
So today, what's it to you?
Today is Mary to medicine day and I
woke up and tormented this episode because I
The bravo thing makes you watch
commercials the next day like if you don't watch it the night of you your forms to watch commercials which bits
No, that's not gonna happen. So I tormented it and for whatever reason episode 4 from last year is what I downloaded and so I was seeing the plots that we were watching in episode last year and they were cracking me up because it was Toya talking to, you do not know what I have to do in my mind.
Which I thought, well, that's today.
You know, I couldn't tell.
Yeah. You know, what was then and what was the day.
Yeah.
But then I did get the proper one down
and we were back to Eagles. Don't roll with chickens.
Finally, the Bonnie lesson that we've been waiting for,
Bonnie's apology. It's still a Bonnie lesson that we've been waiting for.
Bonnie's Diwology.
It's still a Bonnie lesson, you know, because Toyo was probably like,
oh, Eagles, I love that plant.
Like, no, Eagles are not a plant.
Eagles is not a salad bar, ma'am.
Oh, Eugene and I are going to go ahead and dinner at Eagles.
It's our favorite salad bar.
There probably is a salad bar in Atlanta called Eagles.
I'm a vegetarian now. I'm only Eagles.
Eugene and I lost a lot of weight because we have a membership card at Eagles.
So well, they're showing it's like, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, going, I cannot be around things that are sisterly. And then heavily runs off screaming and crying. And then the last shot is
just quad calm, totally calm as a cucumber, which is a bird in
Toya's mind. Putting on my lash. And don't forget that toya is
standing there off camera with her plate of crab legs. What's
going on here?
Was eating some eagles.
No matter what happens, toya will keep eating. I mean, this whole episode is like shit is going down.
And Toya is just standing there like, they're more holidaysies.
That's the best part about eagles. They got unlimited salad bar.
Bottomless bottomless breadsticks and salad body goals. So that's what has happened and that leads us into this episode.
Now, heavily has just screamed a quad for saying she's not sisterly and she comes stopping back to the table.
We're some moment, or just like calmly eating. I'm like, yeah, this cast is the best. So, heavenly comes back and she's like We can't be this is cuz we argue
I don't understand like we can't sit this and like look I mean I told her I could forgive you stupid ass Mariah
Daddy and has like wait what yeah, Mariah is like I ain't told no lies and she's like
Mariah is like, oh hell no.
I don't think Mariah is.
And she's basically, she's like going back as far as season one with that like epic
fight by the pool.
I mean, that was the reason why this show is a hit because they showed that in the trailer.
And everyone's like, I have to watch this show.
And that was when Toya and Mariah got into a fight because Toya told people that Lauren was adopted. And
so that's Emily's like, if you can, if you can, if you can forgive Toya, Toya for what she
did, then like that's like, Toya can forgive you for what she did. And that's like a line of
forgiveness. I can't. It's like, okay, Heavenly, You're trying to like transfer this onto Mariah and Toya.
And I wish I could see it's not working,
but it actually works very well.
Yeah, it worked for me.
I was like, oh, yeah, I do, hey, Mariah, roar!
Yeah.
So then, heavenly joins, she goes over to Simone's side
because now they're split up at two different places.
And so she goes to sit next to Simone.
And Mariah is, Mariah is like, now why did we split? Why is everything
against me? Why does everything have to be against me? Okay,
Mariah, just two weeks ago, you told everybody that I have a
niece husband is having an affair and you have her seats.
Why is she acting like that's like no big deal, you know, she's
like, why does everybody trying to make me look bad? Because
you're bad. Yeah. And trying to make me look bad because you're bad
yeah and have a one's like because you like and then and then have a thing's like just because your husband cheated didn't mean that my did so now they're both you know you know accusing each
other's husbands of cheating which is productive yeah and you're probably both right yeah by the way
probably both right. Yeah, by the way,
haven't like tells us
how many more sessions before I can listen to some bullshit
in my own house.
And some of us like I came with receipts and invoices.
Resist and invoices.
Cooper, I'm too big.
I have binders, okay.
I got receipts, I got invoices. I got P.O. numbers.
It's just cracking me up having a riot back full time because you really get immersed
in how Mariah is. Like she's always shimming when she talks. And like, yeah, I mean,
she's in constant dance mode while she talks. She's literally shimming right now. Like,
she's in some old 20s club, you know, yeah, exactly. So Heavenly goes back to what she does.
For the Mariah's mom.
And she's like, I know my mama is.
Do you know what you're doing?
Yeah, exactly.
Mama is.
Because Mariah said, yo mama.
I mean, that's that's when I love when these people start fighting because Heavenly is like,
you're alive.
I don't even do live like that.
You do. Look down my bitch. Yeah. It's like yo mama. Well, at least I know where my
mama is in the story because please no more the yo mama jokes. Yeah. Poor mama Lucy.
Poor mama. I know we spent like a season half working through have been late and her addiction to saying yo,
mom jokes. And I thought we were past it, but I guess not.
No, we're never past it. Thank God because we have to see Dr. K at some point.
Yeah, exactly. Then Mariah's, Mariah's like, bitch, your house is nasty.
It's like contaminated. I couldn't even understand what you were saying,
because there was like a lot of cursing and fast-talking, but I heard the word contamination.
Dude, I thought I had it three times because I was so obsessed with what she was saying. She goes, your house nasty. Pressure watch this, motherfucker!
I couldn't understand the last part either and I kept rewinding, but she says something like you done Sun set off records with this mold and contamination
And this Simone is cracking up like she's just laughing her ass up
Emma is like well, I'll just leave how about that?
So Mariah leaves by by herself
Yeah, after all this fighting and then they'll go into the kitchen and Quatt is still there
Quatt is just like lingering in the kitchen just standing calmly.
Like, oh, you're still here, Quad.
And then Quad, she's mad now.
She's mad that everybody didn't chase her down.
She's like, well apparently everyone shit is more important than not.
And Dr. Gregory never understands what I'm going through.
No one understands.
Everyone has issues.
And then, then, Heavenly heaven is like everyone seems to have
issues with everyone else is it the crabs is daddy no one's even asked me about my eyes
and quads like losing her I have to fuck no one even asked about the glue. So Heavenle is immediately just decided
that she's more mad at Mariahson.
Now she's going to be nice and quiet again.
And she's like, oh apologize, a thousand times baby.
And then Quartz starts smart talking.
She's like, I was just saying that at the time
in the moment at the table was not conducive to my issues
regard Gregory, that moment of time.
It will never, never.
You have a camel with a hubcap, but you're not going to get any closer.
Blow down.
What?
So then Quad goes and says, Simone, and she's like, you know, they're like, you two need
to talk.
So she's like, I care about you.
I care.
And Simone's like, it doesn't feel like it.
Quad, she's in super like ultra scary, calm, Dr. Simone mode, you know, which is like
super monot, which means she's about to yell Simone mode, you know, which is like super modest, which means she's about
to yell at you, you know.
Yep, that's her.
And she just nods her head with that little smile.
And Quad's like, I am going through a lot right now.
It's like, I know Quad.
I know Quad.
I know Quad.
I'm like, oh my god.
But the difference, Quad, and you know her she also does this thing with a head
She's sort of like tilts her head to the side the difference quad is that I'm open with my shit
Okay, quad I am open with my
So I'm not so so I wrote that now
I'm not so so I wrote that not not not not not Simone and Jackie comes late and she's like hello good to see you and quad her
new thing is saying good to be seen good to be seen it's so good to be spin. I was transparent for so long. Hello MoPake.
I'm seeing. They finally see it.
Jackie tells us, well, something happened. I sent so much tension and drama. God bless us.
It's like, praise. You sense tension really? There's like crabs splattered all over the side of the house.
Okay. Blood dripping from the gutters, okay? You sense tension really there's like crap splattered all over the side of the house, okay?
Blood dripping from the gutters, okay, you sense tension. It's the crab wedding. Yeah, so
Game of Thrones reference and saw And now one no and I understand it
Someone came up from behind the crab and stabbed it and it still make three times
So I'm not sure if the audio is cutting in and out for anybody, but our mics, as we
explained earlier, our mics are in dire straits today.
So if there's a little like cutting in and out, so sorry, okay, we're gonna do that for
you.
Yeah, a little bit.
And I can't tell if it's just my headphones because I'm wearing those wireless air pod
things.
And so it might just be the Bluetooth connection.
So I'm not sure if it's recording.
It probably is.
It probably is because I hear you fine.
And I also put my little cable up on the table.
Cable on the table.
It's so good to be seen with my runs.
But so I'm not.
So this is why I'm not hitting it with my knees.
Like I wasn't a bonus episode
So hopefully like on my end I think I I have a limited
Outish you but I think you might might be a headphone issue
Yeah
It's taken so long
My voice through your headphones
But I know
Do you run? I a minute. The difference is
Yes, I can hear you. Well, I just start cutting out. We we totally just jinxed it by talking about oh, no, I
Know I heard a little pop there
My god, let's not freak out the whole time. I'm just saying it could happen in and out guys. Okay. I don't
Blame your about it. Well, it might be you know, it's like Steve Jobs his ass is okay? I don't even know. I'm telling you about it.
Well, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know,
it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know, it might be you know, it might, you know, not touching around. So well, I just mean in life, I don't think I
don't trust putting those in and then walking down a street and I expect them to stand my ears
because normal headphones fall out anyway. So I don't expect ones that are not tethered to me to just
like fall out and be okay. I don't feel like I am okay with that. Okay. Those headphones are not in
my sister's circle. How about you, Danny?
So now all the ladies are together now talking through all this thing where they said, let's
let them talk just the two of them okay, and then they're talking and then everyone's
solely like gradually wades their way over and just sort of like casually like drips themselves
on the couch next to them and it's like, okay, it's a group conversation, it's a group conversation. Yeah, and it's time for the quad-jynna monolunks
because quad is just like in the center stage, sobbing and you know, having her quad monologue as
usual. And she's like, I am struggling to find my purpose and my happy.
Lena, just like totally over the top.
And then Heavenly's like,
Why are you staying in a situation with me?
Can you run happy?
Why?
Why?
And Quartz, I'm heavenly.
Heavenly, heavenly.
You don't know what I'm doing.
You want to learn me to speak.
What is happening to us? I mean, hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee he to hold onto my happiness. And every day I go to get on, and I gotta be with this person.
I gotta be a happy.
You're like, whoa, what is going on with Quad?
Brrrr.
Who does that?
I'm not happy.
I gotta be...
Quad, are you choking on
Upestash show help you we're doctors here
And some moments like um you can call me on my shit any day you want to
Quiet I love you, but you cannot put us on a shelf and play with us on the days you choose to quad.
Quad like, oh, there.
Oh, there.
Oh, there.
I was like, make a mental memo to herself to get rid of the shelf with her like Simone
doll on it.
I just installed that shelf.
You don't know what it turned.
And that shelf on the wall, it was so hard.
And then everything goes, I think this is what sisterhood
looks like.
And then we find out later in the episode
that Heavenly doesn't even speak to her sister, which is,
like it makes this whole scene make so much more sense.
And you know that like Toyo's eyes were drawing left and right to be like,
could we add more crab lights to the city of mixture?
So somehow as often does on the show, they are more butterflies.
And lead less, I need less eagle and more blue keys.
Okay, so the next they end up this, they end the scene as they often do,
just laughing anyway, and cracking up.
Like, oh, another fun day is screaming
and yelling at each other and tracking each other through the mad.
Okay, this was fun.
See you guys tomorrow, bowling anybody.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So then we do the thing where we see like,
like little scenes of what everyone's doing around town.
And we see Quad playing with her dog.
She's like, you want the duck? Do you want the duck do you want the duck or the little puppy dog what does the puppy want is you want a duck that you shall have a
Okay
I played duck I played duck, but I have not, and I will not play goose.
I cannot.
You said it was dark.
I won't be the goose.
It's a little too late.
I've run circles around you.
And you have still not caught me.
But I have not been allowed to take a seat in the proper duck place.
In the duck duckies, circle.
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So then Simone is at work,
because this is like one line where they're all getting ready,
you know, for the next day.
It's like,
we are girls. Yeah like and Simone is she's telling her secretary she's like well then she needs to make an appointment
she goes she did she's already scheduled she goes watch your tongue I'm gonna put you back on your shelf and I'll tell you what I'm ready to play.
And then over contest says she's like kids.
I have kids.
And then that's really all it was.
Like kids standing on the car.
And a Mariah toy is house.
So toy is like maybe I'm just in a bad mood today.
Yesterday, what the hell are you supposed to do when you're dealing with women who are
disrespectful? I'm like, Toya, you just told off somebody on FaceTime in front of an entire
party. Okay. Yeah, exactly. Well, I'm a little down the dumps today because I found out
that the local Eagles just closed. normal salad bar for me little Jean
Did you know that Eagles is the only vegetable that bleeds when you drop off its head?
Oh look I want the home goods and I got myself a new Eagles spinner
Drives off all the Eagles
So Mariah's like well
Surely you're not more angry than me because I'm very angry about what Heavenly said about me
I just don't understand why I always has to come back to me
This like totally forgetting that cheating things Victoria who doesn't you know, you can say what you want about Toria
But she doesn't really let anything slip by you know, she's not gonna let Mariah pretend she didn't do anything
So she's like gonna let Mariah pretend she didn't do anything. So she's like, except she did. Yeah.
And deadlines.
She's like, well, you said you got receipts, you got receipts and invoices.
Well, just for the third time, I countants that were they have some better but all ever and could have filed a 10.9.9.cb90 40 36.90.
WZ. She said if it's here say and heavenly's like heavenly or not heavenly Mariah's like
what she did is here say. So I'm like so you have nothing is what you're saying. Do
you think she has something? Yeah. I think if she had something she would she would be out with it already
Yeah, she doesn't even if she did have something dad it'll just do the oh
Bubba oh
Doesn't he call her Bubba also or no? It'll be like I don't understand why she was so mean to me. I
Never come to one. I was just trying to help. Wow.
So the good Christian man does. Yeah, so heavenly is
Mariah. Why why are I kept writing heavenly? There's nothing alike. Like why would I even write?
Yeah, so they're talking about and then all of a sudden it switches to Contessa
talking about Contessa and and Toya's issue
Raya's like
Mariah base is like just take the higher road with this. I know I say that and I'm totally incapable of doing that with heavenly
But you should try because because maybe you can do it, which is like no toyah will never take the higher road
Yeah, no, that's never gonna happen and she's like
No, that's never gonna happen and she's like No, you don't have it. Yeah, you did something wrong only in apologize and
Maraz like yeah, I'm gonna try with heaven leaf. It's you know, no, you're not and so Toya's like well
Okay fine. I'll sit down and talk to her, but it's all about good communication girl
girl. Hello, when her car, the toy, the toy, the toy of driving Kurt girls.
Toya actually steps into her own girl sound. Put on a seatbelt
and drive off to Eagles to get to get the lunch special.
So over at Contesta's house in the morning, the kids are waking
up and we get a good shot
of the kid falling asleep over breakfast, which is classic.
I still do it.
Yeah.
So cute.
He's like, I'm tired.
And so she, her dad is flying back home.
And so she goes down to the room to talk with him.
And they have a really nice scene.
It was like very emotional.
She says how she, you know She says that she missed a lot
of things in her childhood and she would come up with little stories as to where he was,
like he worked in the CIA or something and then as she got older, she sort of had to face the reality
of it, but she's really let that stuff go, et cetera. And he's like, I'm sorry. And then she starts
talking to her dad about chemo, or really about cancer treatment,
and makes him promise to put her on the phone
when he's with the doctor, and they can discuss treatments.
And she's not going to force him to do chemo,
because her mom went through chemo,
but it didn't really help anything.
And it was very emotional.
And then Contessa basically says that she wants to get
a mastectomy because she's concerned about breast cancer.
And she doesn't want to be concerned about it anymore.
And she wants her dad to join her for that.
So it was like a very lovely, emotional scene.
And I actually want to just say, I feel like I want
everyone, ladies, to get your mammograms
because I found out on Friday this girl that I know who I haven't seen in like six or seven
I found that she just died of breast cancer and so I want to say like she's way too young
I know it's not trying to make it super sad I'm trying to make it into a thing to motivate people okay
I'm sorry but um she way way way yeah So I want everyone to go get him a second
me. So that's for that's for Valeska, Valeska, Gan. And that's so sad. I'm sorry. No, it's
well, it's been, I'm not like it's fine, but it's like, you know, it's not, I'm not like
sitting here like, but I just felt like, you know what, this came up and then about Polesca on Friday. So why not use this platform to inspire our listeners to go take a little
bit? Yeah, get your mammograms. Yeah, sure. Get your mammograms. Sure. Right? I support that.
I'll come with you. But then my favorite part of the scene when they how did like her dad has this like the truth head piece
from like 10 years ago and like they hug and it's like just
fully just like poking her in the eye and you know the entire
time she's like I really wish you would get a different like
you don't need to be wearing this right now dad you're not
getting any calls and you're not driving. Yeah he's like I
could be getting a business call it any moment. So I
next up we go over to Dr. Jackie who is putting fit me
field day number two up.
Um, uh, which, you know, Jackie, God, Jackie.
God, I love you.
Stop trying to make that happen.
Okay.
Fidney is not just stop.
Just stop.
So Curtis Arise and he's got flowers in a gift which means he's fucking somebody new
Exactly
Who the fuck?
Fuck yeah last night the auto show
Yeah, just an auto show so he shows up with the gift and she's like well, I guess you forgot about my Louis
It's been over a year since I got my last one. This one's some Chanel perfume and she's like,
hmm, thank you.
And, you know, I say, you better fire up that old eye cloud,
find my friends, think how where his ass has been.
Mm-hmm.
So next up, she's basically saying,
I need your help with this Curtis and he's like,
well now I miss the last fitney and she's like, yes, yes, you did. Yes, you did. You cheating, asshole.
You get an awesome set of a bit. Yeah. So basically, they're planning, they're planning
fit me. I mean, it's not that exciting. Do you have anything more to say about this?
No, except I think that they should rename Finney to Eugene torture day. Because that's that exciting. Do you have anything more to say about this?
No, except I think that they should rename Finney to Eugene torture day because that's he's he's he's the one he really gets at the
worst. He gets stuck doing something he doesn't want to do. Sweaty
wants to get back to his bark allanger and watching some show on
discovery. Yes. And Curtis is tortured too. Let's not forget
because Jack he brings her lunch and she's like now
Don't eat more than two bites of that pasta because that is a lot of carbs
Curtis, where are you eating more? He's like this is good. I'm sorry. I'm eating it
So no better than to bring the jock
Sorry, I was just,
no, we have like a little delay because of our setup today. It's making me crazy.
I know I can tell, I can tell every time like the lag catches up to you,
because I can just, I, I know my Romney at this point.
And so I feel bad.
I feel bad that it's, it's, it's problematic for you over there in Texas.
Guys, it's not your fault.
It's not my fault.
It's the future's fault. Okay. It's Vin for you over there in Texas. Guys, it's not your fault. It's not my fault. It's the future's fault.
OK?
It's Vinnie's fault.
OK.
All I was saying is that Curtis should know better
than to bring pasta to Dr. Jackie.
OK.
Yeah, he's fucking with her.
Don't you think he's taunting her by doing that?
I think so.
I think fully.
And he probably brought a shape that she doesn't like.
She hates rigatoni.
Can I tell you something side just this really quick.
I went to Italy last night. Do you know about Italy?
I won't go to a place called Italy.
I mean, that's just too much.
I wouldn't I, I've been, I went to the one in Chicago, which was awesome.
And then since my lap, my, I had to go to the genius bar
in Century City last night, which is a whole issue.
But it's next to Italy.
And I just thought I'd just, I'd check it out
because I hadn't been to the one in LA yet.
And I figured also, I had this recipe I've been eyeing
that calls for a very specific sort of pasta.
So I was like, perfect, I'm at Italy.
Let me tell you something. They only, they just had like 10 different variations of penne. They
did not have a lot of shapes. You can find more shapes at like Ralph's. You can
find more produce at Ralph's and everything's cheaper too. I have to say with a
little overhyped and I was very disappointed with the LA Italy. Well, same on
you, Italy. Thank you.
I didn't know it was a grocery store.
I thought it was like a restaurant or something.
It's, oh.
It's like a food court grocery store.
It's like, it's like fun in theory.
The one in Chicago, I felt like my eyes were like so big.
And I was like, wow. a big, pre-thing.
But here I was like, oh, okay, so you have pen A and pen A
and pen A and pen A and here's something I never heard of
and more pen A.
I was a little disappointed in the pasta selection
to be honest.
That sucks, I hate that because it's like you work yourself
up to eat pasta, you know, it's like, yeah, it's pasta time.
Yeah, I know, I just need to get that.
That's all right.
Well, how do you feel that?
How do you think Dr. K. Phil's when heavenly, the ultimate
obnoxious pasta shows up to your house? Angels,
and heavenly is like angel hair. Like, what good are you?
Sometime, what good are you in my doctor's office?
That's like the way to heavenly is like angel hair is like skinny and tangly and like
the worst.
But heavenly is, I have heavenly, like a, like manicotier something.
That's a big old thing.
That's a big old thing.
You're like, whoa, whoa, like always needs to be stuffed.
Yeah, I think she's one of those stuffed shells.
And like, oh, the most dumb shells, that sounds delicious. Yeah, but then there's just like two you're like god damn it. I got robbed. It's just all cheese
Yeah, yeah, that's a strong point. Yeah, so I heavenly shows up at Dr. K and he's got more pictures on easels
Which I mean this guy so she's like
He's like, Hello, Dr. Koe, how are you feeling today? He's like, I'm feeling
blessed. I'm thankful that you're back because I'm blessed. Mm-hmm. My mama. My baby.
I was a little upset. They upset me. My, my, my, my, my is this week. I was like, that's
their tagline. How are you not saying? My, my, my, my. I know. Get your branding together, Dr. K.
I also felt bad that he never got to unveil his easels.
At least last time he got two of them unveiled this time.
It just looks like a bunch of like, look like a, like a easel funeral.
They just were all dripped in black.
Like they were crying, crying over there.
Like some easel that had died.
Like a bunch of mirrors and an, in an Italian funeral or whatever.
So he's like, how did your week go?
And she's like, I had a ball from my friends
and this bitch Mariah said, my husband cheated on me.
And I told her, she's a little damn dirty bitch.
And I kept rowing my house.
That's what you would do, right, doctor?
And he goes, if I were demonstrating
low emotional intelligence, then yes.
I was like,
whoa.
Dr. K, bro, shade this week.
She's like, I can't stand the wild doctor.
And he tells her she's a representation of her past.
Like if her dad was a dick, she's going to probably be a dick or if her mom was mean
to her, she's probably going to be mean and stuff like that.
And he's like, so what about your past? And she's like, how have they not
mind this yet? Because it's perfect. I mean, all I haven't like can have an entire
spin off of her past. I would totally watch her going to revisit her dream.
I was, I agree. I thought it was actually very fascinating. She, she like started
talking about her sister. And it was almost as if TV Heavenly melted away a little bit. She got very sort of like calm and I don't know she wasn't as animated and it was fascinating and basically
one her sister Denise was the pretty one and her mom always told like oh you're told heavenly you're gonna be a doctor and I guess told Denise you're
gonna be a hoe or something like that but enough that they have like an issue
and then they like I guess so when Denise came to stay at heavenly's place once
like when they were younger Denise was like talking shit about heavenly
wash who's staying at her place and they haven't talked since.
But it was like,
a fascinating, like, sisterly history.
And I also couldn't help but think that that was really
fucked up of the mom to sort of like
pit them against each other like that.
It was almost, almost as if we were seeing
a different version of Kyle and Kim Richards
and we hadn't even met the other sister yet.
Oh my God, we're gonna get to meet extra large Marge.
They say she's alive?
Is she alive?
I don't know. She didn't say she was dead, did she?
Well, she does speak about her in past tense, but she's also speaking about the past.
Because she never thought she'd love me, but she showed me.
And he's like, wow, no, no, no, stop, stop, stop.
Say it again, again, again.
Your mother never said, I love you.
Now, when it is said to you, I reject it.
I didn't even believe my husband.
Yeah, the song.
It's like that song.
Show me love.
Now that is a song.
Show me love.
Now that's how you live your life just like Robinass.
So he's like, okay, well we're getting your sister on the show. So you're going to have to stop unblurring her from these pictures and we're showing because the sister has not given permission yet.
So all the pictures from the past her face is blurred out. Yeah.
I'm hoping that if the sister refuses to come on and they have to cast her, let's bring back Jack.
Okay. Come on guys this time.
Yeah, yeah, let's do that.
Jackay playing the role. Playing the role of
So now it's time for Fittany the field day, which is taking place at a trampoline park this year.
So everyone shows up and Contessa gives a big hug to Toya and toys like, Oh, she's bad.
Well, what she should have did was like ignore me, but instead of showing a big hug, then I didn't even hear me any crab like so whatever.
And then quiet comes in some months to in a row. I'm gonna plot her. And then
Mariah and Mariah is really excited to see Heavenly. And she's like, I'm excited to see all
the ladies tonight except Heavenly, but there's trampolines in here. So I'll just jump up and
kickbox her ass if I need to. I'm not sure that's how it works but I also appreciate that Fitney Field Day is neither
out of field nor taking place during the day so some branding issues.
You're inside at night just saying no.
So Curtis and Jack here making a bunch of sex storms and kissing and stuff.
And Curtis is like, well, public affection is great or sea salt is like Curtis, uh, public
affection is great, but make sure that leads back to home. And some homes like sex, that is what
he means. Sex. Well, now I know why they're having issues because when he says have public,
make sure public affection leads back to home, well, they've got two homes. Where's the public affection going to go to? It's getting lost. That's why.
Okay. Figure it out. Solved it. Public affection is like, like go to the North
home or the South home. So Curtis has a whistle, which really infuriates
me. Okay. I don't want Curtis getting credit for anything. Even if it is just fit me.
I hate you. So basically, Jackie puts all the enemies on teams together
Yeah, and heaven leaves like heaven Lee tells us is everything's getting organized. She goes
Cuz Jackie's like now
We'll be no cheating am I right heavenly and heavenly like I'm a machi and then she tells us
Well last fit me was when Curtis was cheating and this fit me is when Curtis is back
I just hope they get the shit together so I can stop coming to fit me
Seriously, I
Also like when Simone said when they're playing dodgeball right before that when Simone goes
Quad will be hard to hit because she's accustomed to dodging her friends
will be hard to hit because she's accustomed to dodging her friends.
And then Eugene nails heavenly right in the head with the dodgeball.
Okay, so next after dodge balls, when they get into teams of people that hate each other, so it's quad and Simone, Twain, Contessa, and the other ones who hate each other.
Try and have a laugh. Yeah, I'm right.
Yeah, I'm having the yeah.
So Toy is like, I ain't chicken and I'm not scared.
I'll roll with the eagle.
So come on little bird.
I'm like, are we gonna just keep this up?
I'm like, I'm like, I feel like I'm clucking.
I feel like I'm clucking right feel like I'm clicking right now.
I'm like, I agree.
Let's bring, have an egress or a cardinal.
You know?
Well, don't hurt the poor girl.
Maybe like one of those really nice little birds that are like a dollar at the store.
What are those called?
Pair of goldfish.
Pair of keet.
Oh, we know what about a sand piper. I feel like a sand
or hilarious. They're just like skittering around on the beach as if like everyone's looking like
like they act as if everyone's coming for them and no one's coming for the sand piper.
The sand piper's like holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit. It's like you know what?
relax Bethany okay just just like just like take a seat and enjoy this wave
like the way I can. It's coming for you. Sand piper.
and enjoy this wave.
Like the way I can. Coming for you, sand piper.
It's true.
They're always like,
like, stop it.
Relax.
Enjoy yourself.
You're at a beach of sand piper.
So, Toria goes up to talk to Contessa.
And Contessa's just like,
Hi.
Cause she's from the school of just be nice.
There's no reasoning with Toria, right? So Toria's like, you give in hugs, no. And she's like, well, Because she's from the school of just being nice. There's no reasoning with Toya, right?
So Toya's like, you giving hugs now.
And she's like, well, I just don't want anger
with my friend, Toya.
Okay, I was in a different place.
My dad was sick and I'm sorry.
I'm very, very sorry.
And Toya's like, well, anyone could say I'm sorry, but.
You should not be placed.
I'm like, wait, I thought it was a good apology.
I think Toya was just like, no, I want to have my own scene at my own
West at a different restaurants or out of restaurant. So I can get a free deal dinner. You know, I think that's what her mind was pretty much.
I'm sick of eating that Eagles. Okay. I don't want to eat it Eagles anymore.
So this pretty they basically just play games and I don't have a whole lot written down for fitting. How about you?
Basically just play games and I don't have a whole lot written down for fitting. How about you?
No, no they I mean they're just like yeah, they're playing games There's like dunking balls at one point like Mariah like tries like dunk at basketball and a thing and I was like
Sure daddy. She knows how to dunk. She's been dunking done. That's all you're long
And then there's like
Talk about girl power or whatever and jacking
criticism affectionate yada yada yada. We then move forward to a restaurant
where Toya and Contessa meet to bury the hatchet.
Yes. And Contessa is ready to fight. And we know because she's hiding her lace
front with a new hat.
It's not good. Toya get to her with her season two wig.
Yeah, and the thing is that like, Contessa was being an aggressor unnecessarily.
Toyo is basically, wow, what I saw the third was tells us earlier, but like, I feel like
some of the challenge between you and I between when I last saw an ambulance and when I last
heard the story about the drug cause I did you hear about the drug because I
It is a woman and all jeans are so mad about so anyway, I think something turns around on you know what I'm saying the drug because I
I'm just bringing out all the toy I'm like I'm gonna wedge it in there. I don't care
It has nothing to do with the scene move that he's gonna be a drug because I
And so contest is like I think you're making something out of nothing.
Okay.
Right.
Which is really not a great, that's a way to make sure an open communication closes up.
Because it's like basically, it's accusatory and it's condescending.
And when you're dealing with someone like with Toya, it's like, I know what Condessa is,
meaning to say, which is like, listen,
it's, listen, there's, there's not,
it's fine, there's not, it wasn't a whole big thing.
But when she says that it makes Toya feel like
she's an idiot, which she generally is,
you know, or she is.
But she should have contested, she should have been like,
yeah, like, listen, it was a small thing,
let's not make it a big deal.
But instead she goes, you're making something out of nothing. I think that's what you're doing
Which then means that the communication will no longer be productive
Yeah, and she's like, but we're not on the same page and last year I had a party and I thought it was my friend
Who would be celebrating coming out of the dead, but you said my party was bullshit
And then we see the clips of Contestah telling I think some or Jackie, oh, it's an ever-celebrating,
paying off the IRS by spending more money.
Is that what we're doing?
Which she was right,
but also remember thinking at the time,
well, that's really bitchy.
I mean, that's not nice.
Of course she's gonna get yelled at.
I loved it.
Yeah, I loved it too,
but of course Tory is gonna be offended.
My thing is, wasn't this after reunion?
Like, why are we fighting about this again?
Yeah, that's really that it's like that.
I agree, I agree.
And so it wasn't a big contender trying to say.
Yeah, and then Mariah is like, well, you couldn't even come
fight with me.
You know, Mariah, you were trying to,
you had a party so that you could drag this woman in public
and yell at her or scream at her in public.
And you didn't get the chance, and now you're mad
that you didn't get the chance.
And so you made an ass out of yourself screaming out
or on the phone instead in front of so you made an ass out of yourself screaming out or on the phone instead, and front of everybody,
and made an ass out of yourself.
And you're still gonna act like you're the victim
of something, please, you're an idiot.
You just came out of huge tax debt,
and then you throw thousands of dollars on a party.
It's stupid, get over it.
Why are you allowed to make judgments
on everybody else's marriage and everybody else's decisions?
But nobody is allowed to make
Cadi comments about you, Toia.
And it wasn't honestly even that Cady.
Like as Cady things go, it was to me,
it just was like shade.
It was like a light shade and it was like true.
And you know, but the thing is contested
as herself no favors because Toia is trying to explain
why she's feeling hurt in her own toy away.
And contest is like, this is not that big of a deal. This is not, which is like the
worst thing you want to hear when you're trying to like be emotionally open. So like Kitesa
even though like she shouldn't have to like even though this is like Toya was one who's
being messy. And I don't and all that Kitesa really has to apologize for is not sending
a text saying, Hey, sorry, sorry I'm not gonna make it tonight
Contessa is now making yourself the loser in this argument
Yeah, she's a dumb dumb too because now she's going in for the kill by doing things like
Um
What's wrong with you baby with wrong sweet heart?
Is that really a problem baby sweet heart like she's really pushing her now to like make her lose it and she tells us well when you're in the military
You learn that the mission is the important thing and you just move on well, okay, but you just kind of bombed an innocent village
So you have to kind of answer for that. Okay, sorry. I have bad news. You're in Vietnam at the moment
so
Yeah, and then like in the middle of this, the waiter comes over and then Contessa has like
the most elaborate ordering process.
Like Toya is trying to talk with her and she's like,
hmm, what is your favorite thing?
Can you tell me your favorite thing?
A seafood boil.
Huh, what about the fajitas?
You could put the beef from the fajitas
and the seafood boil.
Can you put the seafood in the fajitas?
Now what about garlic bread?
Do you have garlic bread and regular bread?
Can you do a mix in a match?
How about that?
What about a salad?
What dressing comes with that?
And Toya is just getting so angry
that she's having to sit there and wait for all this
to be over with.
Yes.
And as a viewer, I've never really been at a contesta.
Now, as a waiter.
Yeah.
Fuck contesta.
Fuck contesta.
Because I know people, when people do this,
what they're trying to do.
And they're just trying to be bad asses
by being dicks with their ordering, you know?
And you're only making yourself look stupid,
just order the fucking salmon.
You ask?
Yeah, exactly.
So then, Toya is now unhappy and she's like,
well, what are you so good?
What are you so good at?
And contest is like, you know what?
I've had enough and she like leaves the restaurant.
And then all of a sudden she comes back. She's like, Oh, that's right.
I just ordered a whole lot of food. So you're going to have to leave the restaurant.
Yeah, because Troy is like, you leaving by, by bitch, by, and she hears bitch.
And she's like, Oh, she's not going to call me a bitch and then eat my food.
So Troy, yeah, what do I got to show you?
I had to walk away. Okay, I'm going to walk away then.
So she gets up and walks away and can test us like, great. The checks on you how to walk away. OK, I'm going to walk away then. So she gets up and walks away. And she says, great, the checks on you.
OK?
Fine, go.
I'll take another drink, please.
Yeah.
And that's where the drama left off.
I'm this way.
So another fun episode of Meredith and tomorrow,
we're going to be back with some real housewives of Orange
County and our bonus episodes.
So if you want that governor, El L. Patreon, don't forget to get
tickets over at Watch Your Crappens Live for New York October 11th and 12th. The
first show is Dallas. The next show is a classic Real Housewives of New York.
That was sold out. Sorry. So get your Dallas tickets for Friday, that Friday,
that's Friday night, right Ben? Dallas is Thursday and New York's Friday.
Okay. And then the next month in November will be in Seattle. And the month after that,
we are in Denver to close out 2018. You can also go get your head back T-shirts over at watchlookcraftens.com
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