Watch What Crappens - Oh Bow She Didn't!
Episode Date: June 21, 2012Oh Bow She Didn't! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and Cal...ifornia Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith.
Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously.
But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports.
So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, it's Watch What Crappens, a weekly podcast devoted to all things Bravo.
And I am Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com.
And joining me as always are my trusty co-hosts,
Matt Woodfield from Yahoo. Hi, Matt.
Hello, Ben.
Hello. And also Ronnie Karam from tvgasm.com. What's up, Ronnie?
Hey, everybody. What's up?
What's up? I'm feeling like a game show host today. I feel like I've got an extra kick in my speech a little bit.
And maybe it's because there was so much stuff on TV, on Bravo specifically this week, and we have so much to cover. We're
going to talk about OC. We're going to talk about New Jersey, New York. We'll touch on Tardy for
the Party, Million Dollar Listing, some gossip. And let's just- Hello, it's called Tardy for the
Wedding. I'm sorry. Well, we could talk about the song too, right? Well, We can two years later. I am, clearly I'm amped up like crazy, which is
funny because before the show started I was very low energy, but I think somehow a switch
turned on in me. And let's get right into the gossip.
The gossip that I read just today is that there's a new Twitter account
out there in the Twitterverse called Bring Back Jill Z.
It's by Bobby.
And yeah, the question is this.
It's supposedly by a fan
who wishes to enact the boycott
that Jill Zarin suggested last week.
Do we think this is a fan or Jill Zarin?
I think the fan's name is Jill Zarin.
She is her biggest fan, I think.
She is.
Here are some of the tweets from Bring Back Jill Z from eight hours ago.
Please follow me and spread the word.
We want Jill Zarin back on R-H-O-N-Y.
There's also a bunch of retweets like,
Yes, this show is so lame these days
I miss Bethany, Crazy Kelly, Jill and Alex
the new girls are just horrible
except Aviva we like her
and it just goes on
love you Jill
this is why you should never have twitter on
during a show I'm staring at this now
obsessed and thinking
how many freaking fake accounts does this
bitch have?
Because there is this bring back Jill Z.
There's all these people writing the same tweets, like the same PR tweets over and over again.
Jill Zarin.
Thanks for the retweet, Jill.
Love you.
Want you back.
Exclamation point.
Exclamation point.
Exclamation point.
And by the way, one of the followers of this, one of the 26 followers is, I believe it's Ginger, Jill's dog.
So that's kind of a tell.
Is Zarin Fabrics following them too?
I haven't looked, but the real Ginger Zarin is following.
I'm sure Zarin Fabrics is following it too.
Does Zarin Fabrics have a Twitter account? Don look stop looking look away from look away from the Zarin Twitter tweets it
says oh my god people are listening look at this website now I'm looking fan launches Twitter
campaign to bring Jill Zarin back to Real Housewives New York will it work oh god they're
falling for it you know we are of are, of course, just driving more
traffic to that Twitter account right now.
Maybe our
people can go on and write some
rude, hateful things.
Go on, people! We believe in you!
Here's the other thing. Guess what? She's not
coming back. Bravo hates her.
Yeah, she is not coming back. Andy Cohen
doesn't even follow her anymore.
I know one person who will be more than happy to talk some shit to.
We want Jill Zarin back.
And I think that's probably blocked by Jill Zarin, that Twitter account,
who was so lovely to give our podcast a whole bunch of Twitter love the other day.
So thanks, guys.
Yeah, I love her.
I'm going to write right now on her account.
Is blocked by – wait, what is her name?
Blocked by Jill Zarin. Yeah, but what's this is her name? Blocked by Jill Zarin.
Yeah, but what's this new girl's name?
Bring back Jill Zarin.
Is blocked by bring back Jill Zarin
too long of a Twitter handle?
I want to be on the blocked by Ginger Zarin list.
Then you know you've done something real bad
if you made a fake dog angry.
I think actually Ginger Zarin follows me.
Don't quote me on that, though, even though I know you're dying to.
Matt, you had a fun piece of gossip, didn't you?
Well, I don't think miscarriaging or miscarrying is fun.
Sounds like the new Bravo show.
It'll be the spinoff to Misadvised, Miscarriage.
I'll see you in hell.
I'm cracking myself up.
I will see you in hell um anyway i
just wanted to bring up because you know i've been like so anti bethany for the past few weeks like
you know falling from grace you know i was her biggest fan and now i'm like a big old hater
because of this stupid ass talk show she has i just wanted to mention that i think it's really
kind of incredibly tacky that um this week she started to talk about her miscarriage in depth
on that show yes i understand she's trying to connect with her viewers but you know in the in
the era of facebook and twitter and talk shows and all this craziness like isn't there a line
don't we just say like no i'm sorry man i'm i don't mean to interrupt you but look i know she's
peed in a bucket on tv that's what i'm sorry. That's what I'm telling you about.
She crossed that line when she peed on TV and had no qualms about it.
Yeah, Facebook and Twitter have officially obliterated that line.
I have a friend who posted on Facebook about having a baby, like one of those miscarriages that you're actually pregnant outside of your egg or something.
Like you're pregnant inside of some tube.
I don't know the vaginal wall, sorry.
But she's pregnant, like, inside of some kind of tube,
and the baby starts growing in this tube.
Oh, the floating tube.
Yeah, those are bad.
Those can kill you.
It sounds like her.
Yes.
And she just talks about it over drinks, like, oh, my God,
when I was pregnant in my tube outside of my thing.
Oh, what a day.
She's like, my UTI.
I don't know. I's like, my UTI.
I'm just going to say this.
I think it's tacky when people post about death on Facebook, and I think it's tacky to talk about miscarrying on a talk show.
That's just my opinion.
Move on.
Speaking of Bethany, Amy Phillips, who is a comedian and an impersonator, who was on
Housewife Hoedown with us back when we had Housewife Hoedown.
We love her.
We love her.
And she's beautiful and talented and hilarious.
Yes, and we've been trying to get her onto this podcast.
Our schedules have just not worked out.
She was a guest bartender on Watch What Happens on Monday.
And I don't know if you guys watched it or not,
but they showed a clip of her doing her Bethany impersonation,
and it was spot on. I think it was almost
better than her famous Rachel Zoe
impersonation. Did any of you guys see her?
Yeah, of course. I'm obsessed, and I actually
do think that her Ramona
Singer impression is better than the
Rachel Zoe. Yeah, her Ramona impersonation
has gotten better, so, you know, just
want to give Amy a shout out, and good for
her, and good for her for bringing some
true comedy to watch what happens. Yeah, I don't want to. I can't do and good for her and good for bring good for her for bring some true comedy to watch what happens yeah I don't want I can't do that Andy needs all the help he
can get and by the way Andy was looking super tantastic I saw the I guess I was watching
Real Houses of Orange County last night and this will be a perfect segue when he was doing his
interstitials for watch what happens he looked like he had fallen asleep in a tanning bed he
looked like Paris Hilton's publicist who if you've ever seen, he looked like he had fallen asleep in a tanning bed. He looked like Paris Hilton's
publicist, who, if you've ever seen him,
he looks like a carrot.
That's what happens when you hook up
with Madison from Million Dollar
Listing LA and hang out by the pool
in the boo.
I just assumed he was out at Fire Island all weekend.
Or that.
I don't even mean that as a joke.
I just assumed he was at Fire Island.
I don't know. Ever since I said that. Yeah, and I don't even mean that as a joke. I just assume he's at Fire Island. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, ever since
I said that last week, I don't know if that can be
true because, you know, the famous saying
two bottoms don't make a top.
The whole week I've been trying to do the math
on that couple. I literally just
clutched my pearls.
Maybe they had like a toy
to help things out. I don't know.
Oh my God. You people are educated.
Let's talk about miscarriages.
Miscarriages.
Let's talk about double-ended dildos and miscarriages.
Welcome to the show.
Welcome to the show.
Excuse me.
We would never say double-ended the D word.
No.
How dare you.
Please.
I'm just as bad as Bethany, clearly.
What a shock misspelling French class when you have a French count as a father.
This is a famous, I mean, this is a very famous nice show, all right?
We don't talk like that.
Zooto.
For all two women who are still listening to us, they haven't gone running for the hills.
Let's go talk about Real Houses of Orange County, part one of the two-part finale.
And we have to start with the great bow scandal of 2012.
To me, this is like the epitome of what's great about reality TV.
Something totally petty, yet it creates a huge drama,
and a drama that you sort of feel yourself getting involved in.
You sort of are like, you know, she did eat that bow,
and that's totally fucked up.
I mean, I'm assuming you guys feel the same way.
Oh, poor Ben.
Put it up over there, Ben.
Jesus.
God.
Grow a pair, buddy.
You were caught up in bow gate?
Here's why I was cheering.
Finally, Heather earned her spot on the show yes
are you kidding me oh my god and i knew that would make you furious but come on give the
woman some credit she was so furious over that stupid stupid thing i mean who cares i would be
i would be annoyed i would not have confronted her though but then again i don't think she wanted to
i think it was tamra who just of course, Tamara White Trash Tamara, just pulled stupid white trashier Sarah into the mix.
And was like, did you read that, Beau?
Well, what do you expect from Tamasu?
Tamasu.
All I got to say is Heather had probably the best line of the season, which she delivered.
I think it was pretty much in the same style as the opening words in baby got back
which just goes sarah broke the bow off my cake and ate it like to me that's like one of the
greatest housewife quotes instantly i thought the best line but unfortunately the editor's kind of
fucked up by putting a little music and sound effects over it but the best part was when she
said here's an ore. And she handed her
because Sarah ate part
of the bowl because she has a sugar problem.
She's gotta have sugar. So Heather went
and got her an Oreo, and she's like,
here's an Oreo. And then Sarah actually
started twisting it apart like she
was gonna eat the fucking Oreo.
It was a perfect
ad for Oreos.
So if you have a psycho bitch who claims she has a diabetes issue, just give her an Oreo.
But I love how all of the wives surrounded her and just started berating her about class.
I know.
That was the funniest part.
Like you're all wearing fake furs and mini skirts.
Yeah.
Meanwhile, it's like 90 degrees out probably.
We get to the fur in one second
i want to talk about sarah some more here which is first of all like what type of rv do we think
that she lives in okay do we think it's a winnebago do we think it's an airstream because
this this girl is true trash am i wrong oh yeah she's total well they're all total trash she's
but she's dating the 70 year old right so I don't think she's in a trailer home.
I think she's living in a nice little studio apartment with a colostomy bag and a –
But she's that special brand of trash that's like boozy trash.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, but let's be honest.
That was Gretchen three years ago.
Gretchen wasn't boozy though.
Oh, yes, she was.
Don't you remember when she almost fucked Hammer's son?
Oh, yeah. And she was also a lot
fatter, too. Oh, well.
There you go.
Spoken like a true person on a
paleo diet.
Yeah, exactly.
She was fatter.
She was fat. Matt, have you
lost so much weight that now you see
people on crosswalks and think to yourself, fat bitch?
Pretty much.
Like my goal by the end of this is to have the pony-like legs of Heather Dubrow.
Well, one thing that that idiot girl, Sarah or whatever, had right was when she said, what is with Heather's face?
I can't even tell what she's thinking.
I mean just because you can have Botox every day
doesn't mean that you should.
Well, you know, it must be so Sarah for Scarra
because she's not only seeing one of Heather's face,
she's seeing two of them at any given time.
And that's just like twice the danger right there.
Do we want to see more of Sarah
or do we think she's just a drunken bitch?
No, she's just too much of a mess.
There's no point in her being there.
I mean, she can't.
Look, here's the thing.
She's so dumb.
And don't get me wrong.
They're all so dumb, especially Alexis.
But she's not going to be able to fight properly.
Yeah.
Exactly.
It's like fighting with my mom at the end of a really long canasta game.
Hey, Mom, why'd you call me?
I didn't call you. Why'd you call me? I didn't. you call me? I didn't call you. Why'd you call me?
I didn't. Why'd you call me?
I didn't. Why'd you call me?
Hey, Ronnie, why'd you call me?
Does your mom also like to break bows
off of very fancy cakes?
Well, one time
we were at a restaurant and she got drunk and she didn't like
her seat, so she threw it on the ground.
So I guess she probably would be along
those lines.
She sounds like she'd fit right in with this cast.
Yeah.
She needs to move.
She's always wanted to be on TV.
I liked – I was really frustrated by Sarah's defense.
I mean I enjoyed it as a fan because it was making all the other women so mad.
But when she's just like, it's just a bow.
I mean get over it.
It's just a bow.
It was awesome when she goes, I'm sorry about the bow. Get over it.
I would buy you a new cake as if Sarah had the money to buy one tier of cake.
I'll give you my credit card number.
Which means she would give her old boyfriend's Chevron card.
Like, here you go.
She's like, here's my diner's club card here's my ross card i want points on that cake so um let's talk about gina you guys she's back
you guys just know yeah you know she is my all-time all-time favorite well you're you're
in luck because now there are two gas because Kara looks exactly like Gina now.
Something happened.
She got her lips and face and cheeks and hair and everything did.
But, you know, when they showed up, I thought, you know, we saw that they were going to show up in the preview from the previous week.
But I really didn't realize that she didn't know Heather or Terry, that she showed up as the guests of Gretchen and Slade.
She totally Jill Zarin'd that, you know what I'm saying?
She did, and then she also was trying to Sarah it by starting a fight with somebody and just not letting it drop.
I was personally amused by the fact that they walked in as if they were going to the Oscars.
They were wearing floor-length gowns, you know?
I think they were waiting for the paparazzi,
looking for Angelina Jolie somewhere.
Look, we have to admit, there is like the best part of OC.
And sometimes, you know, these seasons run off the rails
and they get kind of boring at times.
Nobody does season-ending crazy motherfucking parties like Orange County.
I agree 100% on that.
I think I even tweeted that last night.
More specifically, I said, no one
knows how to close out a season like Tamara Barney
because that bitch knows how to rise to the challenge
and she will next week, it looks like.
I mean, the only thing that was missing was
Lori wearing Quinn
in a busted wig
and Tammy
Knickerbocker doing lines off of
a picnic table.
Okay, so we gotta got to talk about some fashion
things, okay?
First of all, Cara and her poncho.
Was that funny or was that just tacky and obnoxious?
I thought it was funny.
It's Gina's daughter.
The only one wearing a poncho.
You know, when I saw her, I just felt bad for straight
people because you know how when you date and they say be careful, the girl's going to turn into her mother.
I was like, that girl.
How did Vicky and Brianna find anyone to have sex with?
Because every time I looked at her, I thought, ew, you're going to be driving and she's going to have her arm up on that hand rest thing and her arm flab is going to hit you in the face and give you a black eye on the way to
the freeway entrance.
Sorry, Bueller's eating my shoe.
Bueller is Ronnie's dog.
Now, by the way,
speaking of other fashion choices, what about
Slade and his black turtleneck? I mean,
look, as much as we bash
Slade, he's generally a good-looking guy, but this
he could not pull that off.
He entered Matlock territory a couple weeks ago.
Yeah, the hair is getting too long and poofy and stiff, and it's just – I miss him from –
Yeah, I mean he was good during season one and two with Joe when he was wearing athletic gear, but his hair getting gray.
Like a lot of people look good with gray hair, and you better think that I do he going gray not good yeah i think he sleeps on his face i think he's one of those people that like maybe
sleeps on his side because half his face is kind of wonky now like one eye is always a little bit
more closed than the other i have that it's from sleeping on my side well um do you ever wear black
turtlenecks because that really only exacerbates the problem nobody should wear black turtlenecks except for mike myers when he's being deeter on saturday
night live that's it i think the only people who are allowed to wear black turtlenecks are german
assassins okay which is similar to deeter you know exactly like like and you should have like
a black jacket like a leather jacket over and maybe a little cap and then you should shoot
someone and then you go away and before anyone can comment you're gone with a silencer with a silencer exactly but slade was just like
i think he was trying to look um maybe um intelligent because he's going to the dubrow's
house which by the way i'd also like to mention everyone loves this house and they walk into it
to me it looks like the coldest piece of real estate in orange county it looks so lacking in
emotion is that um hello he Heather is the ice queen.
So what did you expect?
I mean, there's probably a fucking frozen rink under those tiles.
And speaking of cold things, let's get back to Vicky's fur coat, which I'm pretty much convinced that she has not gotten out of it since she put it on.
She was so proud of that thing around her.
I love that everybody she showed it to called – thinks that she bought it for herself.
Yeah.
By the way, and speaking of classless, how about Vicky going around telling everyone that Brooks bought it for her?
I mean really.
Look what Brooks bought me.
Look what Brooks bought me.
And it was like – For –
It looked like it was like 80 degrees out.
Yeah.
For California.
All the women were like in sleeveless dresses.
I mean Alexis had like one shoulder exposed, and she's sitting there like an Eskimo in her – Yeah, for California. All the women were in sleeveless dresses.
I mean, Alexis had one shoulder exposed, and she's sitting there like an Eskimo.
Have you guys ever seen that documentary called Pimp Up, Ho Down?
Yes, I actually have.
It was a very popular documentary that came out a few years ago, but they have a hooker's ball,
and it's the one year where all the hookers and pimps, it's like hooker prom.
They get really dressed up, and that's how they year where all the hookers and pimps like it's like hooker prom yeah you know like they get really dressed up and that's how they dress like these women they're fake furs that are down to the floor with the little mini skirt and bikini top like what the hell are these
people doing i wish i had a good answer for that i i just thought it was funny how she just prayed
around that and that ugly black fur i mean look i look, I... Can we take a second, though? Because they all showed up in fur coats,
and I don't know if I'm the only one here.
Sorry to get all political for a second,
but fur is fucking disgusting,
and they should all die.
Well, says the man on the paleo diet,
eating animals every single day.
I only eat fish.
I only eat fish,
because I could kill a fish.
Oh, really?
Then what are you doing on this podcast?
Oh!
Oh! That was really good. Well, I have to say, I only eat fish. I only eat fish because I could kill a fish. Really? Then what are you doing on this podcast? Oh. Oh.
That was really good.
Well, I have to say, I think the other girls were actually in fake fur, and I think that Vicky was in real fur.
And actually, I was thinking that she could get any letters.
Because Vicky can afford to buy her own real fur.
Gretchen can't.
Well, except that Vicky hasn't bought herself a fur yet.
Oh, yeah.
That was totally by Brooks.
But Vicky's fur isn't, like, fashionable and fun.
You know, the other girls' furs were at least fun.
Hers is like that fur that that cartoon old lady who hits people with her purse wears.
That old lady in Fish Called Juan.
It was very matronly.
It was not doing her any favors.
I think in a fur coat you want – I like, like, a long fur coat.
Like, I think a woman in a long fur coat that's like more like uh luxurious or sexy
or you do something funky like the other girls they're silly ones but yeah it was it was matronly
i take issue with that it's only um can we talk about alexis for a second here um and she made
a big stink at almost every corner about the fact that the girls gang up on her and that everything
that they said about her in Costa Rica, she went and
spoke to her real friends and they said it wasn't true.
They said that she wasn't phony.
Do we think it's possible that just her friends might be phony also?
Like birds with feathers?
Her only friends are Sarah, Jim, and Jesus.
So, I mean, come on.
That's true.
They're not going to tell her anything else.
Yeah, there was kind of a throwaway line there because she said, I called everybody I know and asked them, am I like this?
Am I like this?
And Sarah goes, call?
Who'd you call?
Which I thought was really funny.
Well, Sarah's just learning about what a telephone is.
She's like, I always use a paper cup and a piece of string. Call my mom in the other trailer.
Mama, the beans are ready.
Bring me a piece of fontan.
When you hear three jelly beans head up the side of your trailer, you know it's time to come over for dinner.
Ma, I didn't hear the triangle yet.
When does Brooks get ready?
Sounds like she should be dating Brooks.
Brooks, when did you get your teeth fixed?
We don't have a dentist in this RV park.
You guys, why is Brianna so upset about this Brooks thing?
Because she is set to inherit Vicky's fucking fortune,
and I wouldn't want some white trash dude from the bio spending my inheritance either.
Also, quite frankly, he's creepy. You know, even
the way he went up to Gina, he's like,
I'm a hugger. I'm a hugger. Let's hug.
I mean, come on now. He is,
but he's keeping your mom out of your apartment.
That's true, and she's probably less anxious.
And she's not calling you 20 times
a day. I mean, you owe him
something.
How about a thank you card and a hug instead of
derision, Brianna?
Does Vicky have a
leg to stand on when she
talks about Eddie and Tamara running
into marriage so quickly when she is
in fact, she is like the sugar mama
to this guy? Are you trying to transition
smoothly into New York?
To Aviva?
No, although I would like to say that
the Twitter account known as Aviva's Leg
started following me today, and I appreciate that greatly.
Aviva's Leg.
Well, if we're going to start dropping names like that,
well, I'll get to it at the end of the show.
I'll save it as a little surprise for our Twitter section.
Tune in.
And by the way, the people who tweeted us questions,
we will get to those at the end of the show,
so you just have to sit and wait.
Sorry.
But of course Vicky's being a hypocrite.
Of course. She's a total hypocrite. She's always a hypocrite,
right? It's going to be really good at
the reunion when she's got everybody
yelling at her. That's going to be great.
I love... I did like when
Vicky did have a very funny line. She said
something to Sarah. I think Sarah either said that she has a sugar
problem or she has a problem
with ladies. And Vicky goes, you don't have a sugar problem.
You have a drinking problem. That was in the confess was in the confessional yeah she said no the problem is
sugar it's alcohol that was good i like that um before we move on i have to ask two more questions
because we did bring up gina briefly but what do we think about her like faux like apology with
tamra do we believe it's real? And more importantly, is there ever
a chance of Gina coming
back to the show? I think there's
a chance that she would come back. And I think
actually the apology was real,
but as real
as it can be with these sort of bitches. Because
right afterwards, Gina had that backhanded comment.
She's like, well, I don't know if it's as real as
any of the other stupid shit that comes out of her mouth.
Well, because Tamara is the most awful, mean, horrible bitch ever to walk the face of the earth.
So I understand where that came from from Gina.
I will say this.
Yeah, but I was on Tamara's side with that fight.
Ew.
No, don't even.
We're not even going there.
We are not even going there.
I was.
This is what I will say, though.
I just got an inkling, and I know that Bravo Andy was probably feeling it in his itty bitty man parts too when gina and vicky had a moment there after not talking for a
while and we saw them reconnect it's kind of what we always wanted for jill and bethany kind of what
we've always wanted for nini and kim like the thought of those two teaming up for next season
delicious oh i would love it i mean they're and also when they were
when they reconnected there in that moment you sort of realize these two are like the real deal
like these like it's like you just realize that vicky's hanging out with these crazy petty younger
bitches she needs to get with gina who's her own age and they can get over their real estate
problems and then they can take the rest of these bitches out next year that's my dream in life
that's my dream totally behind that um and on that note. That's my dream in life. That's my dream. I'm totally behind that.
And on that note, let's awkwardly transition to – let's go to New Jersey first because New Jersey had some major stuff going on as well.
Do we not remember?
Jersey had a leg up on Orange County.
And a leg up on Aviva.
Oh, snap. I thought I'd bring it back to the Aviva jokes.
Miscarriages.
Miscarriages. Miscarriages.
That was a
miscarriage of justice.
Can we talk about
Fight Night 2012?
Yes. On which one? On Jersey?
On Jersey. We're talking about
the beginning.
It's the beginning of the end.
It's where
last year when we watched that season finale and Jacqueline didn't show up.
Like, it's all, we're seeing where the beginning of the crumbling is happening.
Yeah, the crumbling is starting.
The cookie is crumbling, and that's the way it happens.
If I may get metaphorical.
So what was, I have a question.
Okay, let's set up this fight again.
It's a little hazy in my mind.
I don't know why it's hazy.
I think it was so much that my mind blocked it out.
But Jacqueline seemed to be really bothered by all this talent and stuff, but in a different way.
Drugs.
Drugs.
Pills.
She was like on the verge of tears because she was like, well, you know, Teresa, she doesn't come to me.
She's supposed to be my best friend.
Do we think she was just drunk during this entire fight?
I kind of thought she was. No. I mean, look. She's supposed to be my best friend. Do we think she was just drunk during this entire fight? I kind of thought she was.
No, I mean, look.
She's always drunk.
Like, she hides it a little bit better than some of the other women on these shows.
But I will say she just is a caring, sweet dummy.
Uh-uh.
I think that she was only doing that to embarrass Teresa because she knows Teresa does not want to talk about fucking bankruptcy
on the show.
And she's bringing that up on purpose to
stab at Teresa and make Teresa go
crazy and flip a fucking table, which
she almost did. She's trying to play
victim, you see, because now she's got
stupid Caroline making her
believe that the whole world hates Teresa
and they don't. I mean, the whole world is
turning against these bitches and it's hilarious reading Twitter. No, I think the world is still against Teresa they don't. I mean, the whole world is turning against these bitches and it's hilarious
reading Twitter. No, I think the world is still against Teresa.
I think there might be some
backlash. They're not.
Ben, you would be surprised. You know, Ronnie
and I talked about this, like, secretly
America loves
Teresa. She's hilarious.
Like, she's a train wreck, but at least she's funny.
Like, what's that show without her?
Jackie Gross. I think it's one of wreck, but at least she's funny. Like what's that show without her? Jackie Gross.
Well, I think it's one of these like compartmentalized things where it's like if you're in that situation, you look at it and you're like, oh, Teresa's awful.
She's the worst.
But then if you're looking at it as a show, a TV show, people are like, oh, well, you've got to have Teresa.
She's like –
Okay, but will you admit that the hatred for Caroline is rising?
Like she's not like off limits anymore because now she's just like a sour old bitch.
Yeah, I would say so but i have to say they're still i kind of really enjoy when carolyn gets
into fights because she her method of fighting is so refreshing compared to everyone else on
all these shows who just gets shrill and screams and doesn't say she has a unique tactic i will
give her like quiet and she's she's actually pretty articulate in these fights which is like
a crazy concept to be on a reality TV show.
You know what I'm saying?
Well, can we talk about her not-so-stealth-slash-staged entrance?
That was amazing.
Because it was the fucking funniest thing ever.
It was amazing.
They were all—Theresa and Jacqueline were fighting.
Jacqueline had gotten Teresa to the point where Teresa is screaming about—I don't even remember.
What was Teresa screaming about at that point?
Because Jacqueline just kept repeating herself, and Teresa is trying to make everybody believe that she would never say anything to a magazine.
So Teresa is screaming, and it actually did sort of seem like they were about to hit a breakthrough.
And then out of nowhere comes Miss Caroline Manza.
Well, she had to
return jacqueline's kids swimsuits at 9 p.m yeah and then she but the best thing is it's like
they're so loud so loud so loud then all of a sudden caroline walks and goes why are you yelling
oh it was i think it's one of my favorite housewives moments ready to start shit to me
that was like a countess luann sort of move. You know how Countess Luan always seems to appear once the yelling starts?
Yes, and with her glasses on her, on top
of her coif, I mean, she was
ready to go. And she was like, she looked
like she had just walked through a car wash
and she was like,
as like, she was like, it was
she had just been in the most humid place on
Earth and she was now ready to fight. Her hair was
flat. With half a coffee. I like
that too. It's like, what what what are you yelling about huh and then she sits down and starts calling theresa
fake you know fuck caroline calling anybody fake and on her way out when when caroline's like nice
bag i like that i like it was petty but i liked it look caroline is just so bitter because theresa
has her sister dina well she has caroline sister dina on her side and clearly it is making caroline
go fucking but theresa also got her sons in trouble with the law down in the dominican
republic i just think there's a lot more that's going on i feel like i i empathize with carol i
see where her anger is coming from because she has to deal with this moron, Teresa.
I understand Teresa is like a more interesting reality TV character for sure.
But I'm still on team Caroline.
I'm on team anti-
Yeah, but to watch season one, okay, to watch that at home that you've just all been through this season,
and then to come back on the show and be a hundred percent team Teresa after seeing what an
asshole she is and how much she ruined everything and lied constantly you get what you deserve like
you come back and you're sure to be as close to the most popular one as you can and then you turn
on her when you think that you can get everybody else on the show on your side and no one cares
the camera's only caring about theresa nothing else is working
i mean we're gonna watch i don't know and her stupid fucking daughter you know i don't think
it's as i don't think it's as as cut and dry as that because the truth is that caroline was one
of the most popular cast members originally and people really liked her but then the judas all
this judas drama took over and then and now now Teresa is sort of like the hero, the villain that everyone sort of loves to hate, you know?
Well, can we just, we, we, um, I don't know about that.
I think this was also, um, this was also being taped while the other last season was airing.
I think there's a lot of, it's hard to say.
There are a lot of weird things going on.
Okay.
That's, that's a good point because there, there is a lot of it's hard to say there are a lot of weird things going on there okay that's that's a good point because there there is a lot of like overlap i believe
with this one which we've never really seen before i feel like bravo was like we are on to some hot
shit keep those cameras rolling even if we have to pay them more and i think that that is definitely
making their interactions a hell of a lot more awkward this year um but i will also say like
you know as much as i love kathy i know it took me forever
to get on board and like melissa and i want to party with her and like joe they were not part
of this episode whatsoever so is the only thing that this show needs to survive theresa no you
know i'm gonna say no to that because there was a time when we all thought that that you know when
danielle was off the show we're like like, how is this show going to continue?
You know what?
These are a crazy bunch of mooks, okay?
And they will always have some stupid drama, okay?
You get rid of Teresa, there's a brand new idiot ready to grow in her place, okay?
You put Kim D in there.
You put Kim G, Kim P, Kim A, B, C, D, E.
I'm rhyming.
This is great.
I'm like in a flow.
Yeah, you are.
You're totally crackering out over there.
Go ahead.
Yeah, that's great. Cracker like in a flow. Yeah, you are. You're totally crackering out over there. Yeah, that's great.
Cracker rap.
Cracker rap.
Honestly, they could probably sub in some of Melissa's sisters, you know, Lissy.
Oh, they're all – I hate Melissa and her sisters.
Oh, I like Melissa.
See, this is what I'm confused about.
They're talking about Teresa like the villain, and like you said, she's getting the villain edit.
But Teresa obviously doesn't know it
and I feel like when they're getting
the villain edit you kind of know because
doesn't it always seem like everyone's defensive when they're
the villain and Teresa is still
acting like she's Lucille Ball
we're like Lucille or whatever
okay but Ronnie she's
more retarded than anybody
ever on this show even more than Alexis
you have to admit that.
Yeah, she is probably the most. But I think I think it's backfiring and she's actually becoming more entertaining because these women are talking about her like she's Satan.
And I agree with her.
She's like, well, she's entertaining, but she's awful.
She's entertaining in her awfulness, which is perfect for a reality star.
But it's like I don't like her as a person, though, at all.
Well, I don't like any of them.
I mean, look at Melissa, okay?
They're like, Melissa.
And she's like, it's a hula hoop.
I'm in a halter top outside the house shaking my ass for the camera.
That's what I'm doing.
It's a natural day is what we're doing.
Shut the fuck up, you whore.
You're a whore. And then her sister with her bad
ponytail weave to look just like
Melissa and her new fake
little round boobs. They are pathetic.
Those people are so disgusting.
I thought what was really funny was that clearly the
sisters were like, we're going to get dressed up because we're going to be on
camera. And that one sister did something
to her hair where it was like shiny and curly.
It could not have looked any trashier
anymore. That's fancy for them. I know. very fancy it's like those women are fucking hideous
and then you've got midget joe with his stone days completely wide like he's just been in a
bombed school like he like he just looks confused and bombed out all the time whatever they're like
hey uh hey you want to yeah go to therapy? Yeah, call Teresa. Text Teresa.
Teresa, Teresa.
That poor guy doesn't know what.
Are you seriously expecting something more high level than that on this show?
Oh, and they're going bankrupt.
What?
They're going bankrupt.
Oh, yeah.
Have you heard about that?
Supposedly, they owe $2.5 million on their mortgages, and that's why they're selling everything they own, and they're about to go bankrupt too. Suckers! Are you
kidding me? That's what the current
gossip mill... That is
going to make for the
juiciest shit ever. I can't
wait for Teresa to write them a
card when she's like,
oh, enjoy your
new house, and
it's really like a cardboard box.
Enjoy your red on finances.
Well,
someone posted in the comments on Jersey,
a link to an,
I forget where this article was,
but it was so vile and wonderful,
but it was blind items before the season started.
And it was Jersey,
you know,
you,
where you have to guess the person,
but they didn't say it was for New Jersey.
They just said, here are some blind items for the cast of an upcoming reality season.
And it was like family members during the show pretending they're rich.
But in reality, one's a hairdresser and one pumps acid at a gas station, which is the Wakilis.
And then one was sister-in-law comes on the show
and there's a family feud between her and another
cast member. Problem is
it's because she slept with the cast member's
husband, which
would be Melissa. It was so juicy!
I wish I had the link to tell you
guys about it. But the other ones I think were
pretty boring. By the way, I don't think the
Wakilis pretend like they're rich. I think they always are
portrayed as more like middle class, upper middle class.
Yeah, their house has siding on the front.
Yeah, and it's like there's no marble columns.
So don't get it twisted, okay?
Well, who knows?
I mean, maybe that is that.
Ronnie, please put down your other electronical devices.
You're starting to sound like a robot.
He's a robot.
By the way, was anyone else utterly amused every time Teresa said,
Hey, you know, once you do bankruptcy, you start over.
I don't think do bankruptcy is a proper expression.
It is when you say it ten times.
I apologize to the listeners who have to hear Robot Ronnie right now.
You need to edit that shit.
Is it still bad?
Say what you just said before.
From Wondery,
this is Black History For Real.
I'm Francesca Ramsey.
And I'm Conscious Lee.
What do most people think about
when they hear the words Black History?
Rosa Parks.
Reconstruction.
MLK.
February Black History Month. Exactly, exactly.
There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking
about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because
on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
And a little bit more.
She is a heroine to some.
As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others.
Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Listen everywhere on February 5th,
or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus
starting January 29th.
Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Black is beautiful.
Academy is a new scripted podcast
that follows Ava Richards,
played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold,
a brilliant scholarship student
who has to quickly adapt to her newfound
eat-or-be-eaten world.
Ava's ambitions take hold
and her small-town values break
in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List,
Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten,
curated by the headmaster himself.
But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own,
she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society
that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success.
If she bends to their will,
she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of.
But at what cost?
Academy takes you into the world
of a cutthroat private school
where power, money, and sex
collide in a game of life and death.
Follow Academy on the Wondery app
or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can binge all episodes of Academy
early and ad-free right now
by joining Wondery Plus. from you're back from Skynet. Little, little Terminator humor for the podcast and see that one coming.
Sorry,
everybody.
Sorry.
The future is now.
Oh,
you guys,
does anyone have any last thoughts on New Jersey before we go to New York
City?
No,
the Gorgas are horrible.
People stop falling for it.
I love the Gorgas and the Wakilas.
And I just can't wait for the return of Dina.
Yeah,
we're all excited.
Okay, so New York City.
It wasn't a lot of drama.
Boring. I hate it.
But I'm entertained.
The three new women aren't the best.
But you know what, though?
I thought I'm really enjoying this Aviva lady quite a bit.
Why?
Even though she stirs the pot.
I don't know. She says funny things.
She's not that funny. All she does is kiss everybody's ass and I just kind of want her other leg to get chopped off.
God.
She'll just be crawling around the streets of New York City.
That's a really severe penalty for people.
Still stirring shit up.
She'll be like, so I heard you
found my leg. I heard that.
Ramona took my leg.
No, here's the thing with Aviva.
She said some funny things, and I feel really bad saying this.
Okay, I'm just going to say this will sound very politically incorrect.
I'm aware that she lost her leg, and it's a terrible thing that had to happen to her.
Of course, it must be scarring.
But I thought it was really funny when she said well having lost my leg conveyor belt i now have
a fear of being trapped in other machinery that was hysterical hysterical it was such a bizarre
thing to say and it made total sense for her you know but like what a line but it's kind of the
same thing what like we were talking about before on the miscarriage. Like, we get it.
Your leg was chopped off. We don't need to hear
about it every fucking time we see you.
Stop it.
She must be very afraid to go onto
farms now.
Or what does she
do when she's getting her groceries bagged?
I don't know. Just freak out
every time. She must run
as far as she can.
Hey, guys.
I actually got my pinky finger caught in the grocery conveyor belt when I was a child and had to have the rescue squad bust open the machine to save my pinky.
This explains so much about you.
Well, good.
Now you can raise it every time you drink a damn Diet Coke.
They sure did us a service.
Can we talk about Sonia and her brand?
Please, please.
So I don't know where to even start.
Let's talk about Sonia and the city, her new party planning.
Right.
How original is that?
And how current?
Yes.
How long ago was Sex and the City cancelled?
Well, the last time Sonya could afford to go shop for things for her house or for herself is when Sex and the City started in 1998.
Yeah, she hasn't paid the cable bill in 10 years.
She has no idea what's on TV anymore.
Yeah, she doesn't realize that True Blood's on and she could call it True Sonya.
It was either that or Murder, She Sonia'd.
She's like, my friend is called the Slimey Sonia.
She loves it so much.
I'm going to pee.
She's like, actually, I just paid the cable.
I'm so excited to see what Alf is up to these days.
Mac, can you get out yet?
I hope he hasn't eaten that cat.
You know, that cat is a lovely cat.
Lucky.
You know, the Iconics, they're very nosy.
Oh, my God.
So what is her fucking brand?
She's going to have toasters?
Okay, well, she has two things.
She has an umbrella, okay?
There's the Sonia brand umbrella.
Knowing her, she's probably going to come out with umbrellas to represent her umbrella, okay?
Like the Sonia umbrella.
So how do we envision a party that has been organized by Sonia in the city?
How do we think a party will play out?
What will it be like?
It'll be her flashing her vag in a Marie Antoinette costume.
With free boots on the side because she fucked some guy to get a free case of champs.
Anything that goes wrong, she's going to be like, that would have been proper, but Hurricane Irene fucked it all up.
She's going to book every party in someone's basement okay
where there'll be like some like cobwebs everywhere it's like well you know after
hurricane irene all the spiders moved in they needed to they needed to run away from all the
water so they came here you know we gotta fix it then she'll do a burlap dance while eating a
chicken skewer and we'll call it a big deal and by the way and could her toaster not sound any
more of like like bizarre she's like well and so like poorly formed dolls she's like well we're and we'll call it a big deal. And by the way, could her toaster not sound any more bizarre?
She's like,
poorly formed.
She's like, we're working on the toaster.
We got a crumb tray now. Congratulations.
You got a crumb tray? I've never heard about that in a toaster.
What's this?
It's got a three-tier toaster.
She's like,
it's got three tiers in a crumb tray.
I shit myself when she said crumb tray she's making the bird when she said
when she said crumb tray i shit my pants she's making the burge dubai of toaster ovens right
now okay this thing's gonna be taller than anything you've ever seen and it's gonna have
a crumb tray on every tier that way you're not gonna be able to put anything in there
how are you gonna get a french bread pizza and that goddamn thing there's definitely it's never going to happen. There's definitely room for a Blackberry.
It's going to be the size.
You know what?
She's so dumb.
It's going to be the size of like a regular oven.
And then all of a sudden she's going to realize she's actually designed an oven, not a toaster oven.
She's like, it's so big you could fit two chickens in it.
You just have to pre-heat it for ten minutes.
That's okay.
Ten minutes.
You know what you could do?
You could go and try to empty out one of the buckets of Hurricane Irene water that's falling in your living 10 minutes you know what you could do you could go and try to uh empty out one of the buckets of uh hurricane irene water that's that's falling in your living room no big
deal and i love it heather's gonna design the entire thing and then sony's gonna make the money
on it just like kim and tardy for the party and candy get screwed could you imagine totally could
you imagine if sonya organized heather's party there would be no cake, first of all. I would like Sonya to have designed
Heather's father's funeral.
Oh my god.
I know, I wish we could just transfer all the
plot lines from each show onto
the next ones. Oh, that would be
great. You know, it would just be like a bunch
of little mini pizzettes, you know?
That's all that would be happening.
Oh my god, some pizzettes, and what are those
people saying in that other language?
Meatball?
Something like that?
Peanut cases.
Oh, my God.
So anyway, what is Sonia's thing?
Because they're like, oh, you have an umbrella for all of your different brands.
So she's going to have toaster ovens.
And then she's going to – isn't her party planning thing something more than just party planning isn't it some kind of special consultation she'll i think she'll consult on like the the
lighting and the decoration well wait i mean the menu she used to fuck doormen so she could eat
free at fancy restaurants so she is a food expert as a result here's my thing i don't know if i want
my my menu consultants to have her big claim to fame is that she knows how to make
some things in a toaster oven okay like i don't want french bread pizza and hot pockets on my at
my party that's probably what they say i take that back i actually would like that quite a bit
well that coming that coming next week uh showing ramona finally losing it and saying that Sonya's a bimbo and an airhead and she's over it.
Wait, how juicy was it when Ramona made the dig in her confessional about like, well, I hope she didn't spend $7 million on it like her stupid fucked up film business?
Oh, my God.
She said something about it being like a $7 million pad or something like that.
Or I don't know.
I enjoyed watching both Ramona and Heather give Sonia business advice because I felt like you did get to hear them in their professional hats, you know, and it seemed like they were legit.
But it was funny watching Sonia attempting to absorb any of this information as she writes down like some basic words on a piece of newspaper, you know?
As she writes down, like, some basic words on a piece of newspaper, you know?
Yeah, she's basically just smiling cross-eyed, like, kind of tilting her head, like, in that drunken, bobble-headed way.
Just like, you know, so do you know a lovely graphic designer?
Oh, good, good.
She is a drunk rooster.
I kind of like how her logo just looks like it says Songe.
So it reminds me of Solange, which I think – Solange Knowles?
I think Sonia and Solange Knowles should go into business together.
That's a business.
That would be a whole lot of business that I'd want to get involved.
That's a party I want planned.
Will she be planning Luann's baby shower?
Oh.
Oh, my God.
Okay, Luann, really?
We get that you have children.
Please stop trying to make us believe that you're a good mother.
My cousin was visiting from out of town, and she, of course, had to sit here and watch it with me.
And she's kind of texting on her phone, ignoring it, rolling her eyes the whole time.
And she looked up at the scene with the daughter, and she goes, she looks like she doesn't even know that girl.
Is that supposed to be her mother?
Because this is the worst acting I've ever seen.
Well, she kept calling her Angie and I thought her name was Victoria.
She probably doesn't remember her daughter's name.
She's like, Noel has grown up so much over the past few years.
It's like, yeah, this is probably the first time she's seen him in the past four years yeah yeah he's been at
you're on a skateboard whoa you're good whoa uh yeah you've never seen him on a skateboard before
i did like her i liked it when she got on the skateboard you know she thought she was so hip
when she did that you know she's like now let's get put on francais
okay how old is she and do her eggs still work no first of all she doesn't have eggs she has
croissants in there okay and they're baked fresh every single day in the french i had a dry i had
a dried acai berry that looked more fertile than her eggs.
Well, to be fair, she did say that she believes that fertile myrtle has gone out to pasture.
So at least she's, like, not in total denial.
Well, she can easily buy a baby with Jacques' money.
Yeah, and the count's money, too.
She can buy it with everyone's money.
She's still got the crates left over from her own kids.
She'll feed it alcohol and put it in the bushes and then act like the kid just snuck in there.
And then tell people that Ramona's blackmailing her when Ramona's telling the truth about her being a terrible mother.
God, Ramona.
Watching Ramona get sidelined by the new ladies is pretty wonderful, I have to say.
What do you think about Carol?
Carol.
Carol hitting on Mario.
I wanted her to swipe the bread and the salt and pepper off that table and fuck Mario on that table right in front of Ramona.
She would have.
Ew.
And Ramona probably would have, like, taken pictures and tweeted them out there.
Ramona looked like she was kind of trying to make that happen, right?
Yeah, I think Ramona. I think actually Ramona – I'm a sharer.
I share things.
I'm honest and I share.
I share.
I like to share.
I'm sorry if you don't like to hear it, but I like to share.
I think that Ramona likes it when people think her husband is hot, actually.
I think she – I don't think she gets jealous or territorial.
I think she actually feels proud.
Ugh, that's just so gross. Look, we've grossed everybody out. I know. Let's she actually feels proud. Ugh.
That's just so gross. Look, we've grossed everybody out.
I know. Let's talk about miscarriages again.
Let's talk about
Luann having a croissant miscarriage.
I think Carol's a little
disturbing, frankly.
She's starting to creep me out.
Oh, it's starting to?
She had some
funny lines, but seriously, the way she talks about the yeah she she had some funny lines but but seriously the way she
talks about the subway in downtown i had i like crazy i have aunts and uncles who were crazy
like we're supposed to believe you're like 15 and your only frame of reference is the old people in
your family shut up i know i mean come on she is the crypt keeper she is she is very like modern day weaved out oh did you guys
see the picture of her and uh steven tyler next to each other no yes but at least at least she
admitted that they look like twins which is what i feel like would be what it looks like they really
do seeing them next to each other like that she makes steven tyler look like young fresh and
fertile wow now there's a girl who can get pregnant what would be more impressive is if She makes Steven Tyler look like young, fresh, and fertile. Wow.
Now there's a girl who can get pregnant.
What would be more impressive is if she could make Steven Tyler look like a male again.
That's true.
Apparently.
Aviva's a fan of everybody.
Is this a strawberry milkshake?
I want a beer.
Do you think that she smokes ten cartons of cigarettes a day?
Should I have a beer?
That's what the rock stars do.
I'm Peter Jennings.
I'm going to have a Heineken.
Matt, when you did it, it sounded sexual.
I can't do the impressions like you guys, and it just came out so wrong.
It was like, we're like, and you're like, oh, I'm going to.
I hate you both.
I hate you.
Well, our impression isn't even good.
It's really stupid.
Our impression is creepy on its own.
I'm Carol.
I'm a friend of yours
on top of the hotel.
We're changing topics
because I'm calling Chris now.
Don't call me Carol Lee just because there's an E
at the end of my name.
Don't call me. I'm not like a Christmas
Carol, even though I'm sort of spelled
like that.
Even though I'm like the past and the
future all rolled into one. Even though I was born the past and the future all rolled into one.
Even though I was born in the time of
Charles Dickens.
It's going to be my Gretchen impression.
Hi, I'm Gretchen.
I'm Gretchen.
I take slave.
My favorite is when you do
Marlo. Come on.
Marlo and Charay in Africa?. Marlo and Sheree in Africa?
My Marlo and Sheree is really weird.
It always sounds strange whenever I try to do it.
It's always like a har-har-har sound.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
That's just the way it comes out.
Last note about New York.
What do we think about Heather inviting some of the ladies,
not all of the ladies, to a trip to London?
Was this, like, really going to happen?
Or was Bravo like, we're already bored two episodes in.
Somebody stir the pot.
Well, I love that she didn't invite Luann or Ramona.
And it looks like next week she changes her mind and at least invites Luann.
And I think that was probably producer-driven.
Because, of course course Heather would be
the fucking type to be like oh we're new
let's take it over
and exactly and by the way
once again turning the pot by looking
to Ramona being like you were invited
right?
oh
oh
to be fair I have to say
their little like brunch slash drinks on top of hotel, that was like a super fun day.
I'm not going to lie.
I wish I was there.
Because it was a brunch that started late and then it rolled into more cocktails?
I mean, that is every gay boy's dream.
It was not only that.
The sun set during their brunch.
It was nighttime by the time brunch was over.
And you know how Aviva is scared of being in planes and elevators and tall buildings?
Does she not sound like the biggest pain in the fucking ass ever?
Well, she does.
She does.
While we're on her, let me just tell you this.
I think it's also fucked up that some of these women show their naked babies in a bathtub on TV.
Yeah, I don't like that.
I don't like to see naked babies.
I don't think I saw that.
I think it's just – I think it's wrong.
We didn't see full frontal.
We just saw like prepubescent girl nip.
That's all.
I just think it's gross.
I just don't think that parents should do that.
I think it's just inappropriate.
If you grew up and you were that child, you would be mortified.
I would be uncomfortable with having family bath time being recorded by any TV cameras.
And that's sort of what happened a little bit.
And by the way, it sort of struck me as odd when Aviva said that she was a full-time mom.
I hadn't really thought about it before.
But it sort of shocked me.
She doesn't seem like a full-time mom. She hadn't really thought about it before, but it sort of shocked me. She doesn't seem like a full-time mom.
She seems actually not like one of those annoying mommy types.
No, she was another one that her kids did not seem to know
who the fuck she was.
She was like, hey, come here.
It's a bad look.
It's a bubble.
And he was like, oh, who's this lady?
Well, maybe that's why she's renamed them all like five times.
Oh, my God.
How fucked up was that?
Oh, yeah. When did she change her name? I forgot all about that. It all like five times. Oh my god, how fucked up was that? Oh yeah, what did she change her name?
I forgot all about that.
Was it like from Harrison to Brandon to Henry?
No, like, no, Dune.
Dune.
I don't know.
Hey, Dune, get over here.
Like Houston or Hudson or some shit?
Hudson, yeah, it went to Hudson.
Well, and the daughter's name is Sienna, and too bad that's locked in and then she's almost gonna change that up but you know again
she made like jokes about it like in the interviews she like made self-deprecating
jokes sort of like acknowledging that she's a crazy woman i do i do like that she admits that
she's crazy i do enjoy i appreciate that that's like a really big step because there are a lot
who don't don't truly understand that no she's not saying it like, I'm fucking insane
and I need help. She's saying it like,
I'm crazy.
Like in that, I'm the
life of the party.
You just turned her into Michigan
J-Frog, by the way.
Hello, I'm Harley.
I'm crazy.
Okay, so let's move on to some odds, some Bravo odds and ends.
So there's some other TV, believe it or not, there are other TV shows aside from the Housewives.
Play Gasp.
It's shocking.
Did you guys watch Misadvised?
You know, I recorded it.
I didn't get a chance to watch it yet.
Did you guys see it?
No.
Did you watch it, Matt?
I am boycotting.
Did you guys see it?
No.
Did you watch it, Matt?
I am boycotting. I fell off during the last season of Patty Stanger, Millionaire Matchmaker, and I just want Bravo to stop trying.
It's just a genre that – Patty is fine, but stop.
Well, here's a –
Oh, sorry.
I was just going to say – I'm so sorry.
I was just going to say I think it looks kind of cute.
I just have to draw a line.
I'm watching too much reality right now.
No such thing.
I had no plans really to watch it, but then I was watching Housewives of New York,
and then it caught the first two minutes of Misadvised, and I got sort of sucked in.
And I was like, oh, this looks like it actually could be kind of entertaining.
So I recorded it.
And by the way, Ronnie, you know that Naz – was it Naz or Nads?
Yeah, Nads.
I was just going to say we should watch it because Nads is one of the producers on that show.
Is she still writing for TVgasm?
Yeah, she still runs the news section.
Yeah, so she runs that part of TVgasm.
So we should watch it just to support her and her hard work.
And it's also her birthday this week.
Yeah, I eventually will watch it. I love my Nads. And she said this one's good. And it's also her birthday this week. Yeah, I eventually will watch it.
I love my nads.
And she said this one's good.
And she's usually pretty honest about it.
She said the first one was maybe a little slow, but then it picks up.
Okay.
And now, Matt, speaking of how there are other shows other than Housewives shows,
there are Housewives spinoff shows.
You watched the Tardy for the Party wedding?
I really didn't watch it because I was
crying the entire time.
Crying because you were an adult
man watching
Kim Zolciak get married?
What happened?
Ronnie pretty much just
summed it up very well there.
Yeah,
that was my Thursday night night i'm an adult man
sitting alone in my rented apartment in hollywood um yeah uh yeah don't quit don't quit on the air
save it till after save it um anyway i will just say this it was an hour as opposed to a half hour
it was incredibly juicy the ratings were through
the roof so kim zolciak will continue to not only be an atlanta housewife she will definitely
well for the hour special i mean the first half was really focusing on getting ready for the
wedding and then you know i i bawled when croy walked out with kj in his arms and then you know
he cried when kim walked out and it was an emotional moment and i'm totally embarrassed but it really got juicy because her mom kim's mom got drunk and crazy with her sister
meaning kim's aunt at the wedding and then kim threw them out with security through her mother
and father out of her own fucking wedding so wait she threw them out because they got in a fight
wasn't it about the bathrooms or something okay so there was a rule that nobody was allowed into the house not one person except like kim and croy and kim's mom
broke into the house with her aunt to pee and then they started then they started screaming and
that kim's mom is such an idiot because let's be honest croy is paying for this whole shebang
pretty much like if kim loses bravo and croy stops paying like kim's parents are out of the money too
so she actually was telling croy to go fuck himself and then she forgot that she had a mic
pack on and she's being all drunk with her sister and they're cursing both of them out
and then kim had to kick them out of the wedding but you know kim really shouldn't kick them out
of the wedding because kim should realize that's kim. Kim is the one who will be drunk at weddings peeing in prohibited areas.
No kidding.
That's what makes me crazy about Kim Zolciak.
When did she become so fucking classy?
Yeah.
It makes me crazy.
Yeah.
She's the queen of being inappropriate and all that crap.
I don't approve, Kim Z.
I don't approve.
Oh, and also,
who has a wedding and then makes their guests
piss in porta-potties? That's fucking
disgusting. They were $5,000
porta-potties. Whatever.
A shitbox is a shitbox.
I didn't know.
Don't have it in your backyard and then
keep your house closed. That's just
cheap at that point. Yeah, exactly.
She's like, I'm going to get a huge mansion, but no one can come in here because, God forbid, I paid for a maid tomorrow.
Jesus Christ, Kim.
So we're sort of running out of time.
Does anyone want to talk about Million Dollar Listing?
Well, I think that our fans and our listeners out there, they are watching it this season.
It is getting a little juicy.
I will say that people should – I think people should bother to check it out. I miss, I will forever miss Chad and Starly Cakes.
Chad with the Beatles hair? I love that guy.
Yes, Chad with the Beatles hair.
His head looked like one of those guys on Super Mario Brothers with the shell, the black shell, that you can't like step on and kick.
I don't know.
Yeah, it's like one of the ones that suddenly – like they change the rules and that mushroom poisons you.
So here's the thing that really made me mad with Bravo this week.
They've changed the name of Million Dollar Listing to Million Dollar Listing LA.
So my TiVo didn't just automatically record it.
I hate when they do that.
And I'm the worst at programming that. I'm never going to think, I mean, even after this, like once this
is over, I'm not going to think, oh, I really need to go on there and search with the TiVo remote.
Million dollar. I'm never going to watch it now. Well, no, I'm just, I'm just going to say this.
It's getting really, really juicy because Madison is fighting with co-star josh altman
because madison's assistant heather is now sleeping with him and it's getting like extra salacious so
i really do suggest people check it out i will tune in i haven't watched the show in a few seasons
but i'll tune in because that sounds juicy ben did you from what matt from what you said before
the show when i asked you about it the the big fight was that the girl is stealing information from Josh Altman and giving it to Madison, right?
No, other way around.
She's stealing it from Madison, giving it to –
How dare she?
I was going to say I'm so proud of her for staying a true hag, but fuck her.
Yeah, fuck her.
You know, it's –
She is being fucked.
She is being fucked.
Yeah, fuck her.
She is being fucked.
She is being fucked.
I do think that, you know, I'm Team Madison in this case, but, you know, he still creeps me out too.
But I'm just kind of sitting there watching and everybody's gross.
I can't be on someone's team who wears shorts to work.
I just can't do that.
What if he was in Bermuda?
What then?
Well, but $20 million.
He's like, here's a $20 million house on the beach.
We have to hurry because I'm in shorts, and it's going to get cold in about an hour because we're in Malibu.
He's like, shut up.
Put on some fucking clothes.
Are you kidding me?
Go to a speech therapist.
You make a good living.
Okay.
So we're running out of time.
So let's address some of the Twitter questions that have come in to us on Twitter.
Can I tell you something really exciting?
So like this is not really exciting,
but last night I went crazy and did an Amazon shopping spree and I ended up buying Mary McDonald's design book.
She's one of the people on Million Dollar Decorators,
my favorite show in the history of television.
And I tweeted her and I said,
well, now that I bought your book,
I should get like a free consult
when I buy my house or whatever.
And she retweeted me and she was like,
ugh, maybe I'll buy you a drink, but that's it.
Oh, that's fantastic.
She's the Irish?
Oh, no, she's the one that's like hyper, right?
She is the Karen.
She's the raven-haired Karen.
I hope they bring that show back.
I like that show, actually.
They are.
Season two is coming back July, August.
Fantastic.
Okay, so let's do some Twitter questions.
Okay.
Why don't you start it off?
From Fat Camp, which is the best Twitter name ever.
Bueller's.
Bueller, don't eat that.
Fat Camp says, I wonder if any of the housewives know what an adverb is.
No.
That's not really a question.
They don't know what an adverb is.
They don't know what a verb is.
And they also don't know what the word ad means.
Okay.
Vocabulary is very limited.
Okay.
They're like, why do verbs need an ad?
Why do you?
What are they trying to sell?
Why are you taking this so serious?
Okay.
Why are you taking this so serious?
Be careful or you're going to have to do bankruptcy.
Oh, my God.
Rexter Slade asks
with the way, this is a good one,
with the way things stand now, how likely is Bravo
to cut the Monzo family out of season 5?
Very. Not
going to happen. I say very.
I think that there, I think this is
going to be a repeat of New York, where
they all ganged up, Jill Zarin
got a team to go against
the people she didn't like, and she was the one who ended up getting kicked off.
These people still have way more likable qualities to them than a lot of the women who were kicked off.
I disagree with you, Ben.
I kind of dislike all of them.
But for some fucked up reason, Bravo can't get beyond the amazing saga known as Lauren Manzo's weight problem.
And that will forever be the arc of every season going forward.
I love that arc.
You know, as someone who struggles with their weight,
even I'm like, oh, shut up, you fat
bitch!
I so agree.
It makes me crazy. I'm just gonna eat healthy.
And who the fuck is Caroline to give you a dirty
look for eating a fruit cup?
Fuck off, Caroline.
And by the way,
I could not have wanted pizza
any more than that scene
when they were all sitting there
eating pizza.
I felt like Loren Manzo
being deprived at that moment.
Ugh, I wanted pizza so badly.
I felt jealous too,
especially of Big Gay Greg
for being this big self-confident guy
eating like that on TV
and in a Speedo.
I don't know.
I'm sorry.
I'm mashing days up in my head.
Sorry.
No, it's my earphones fell out, so I got lost.
I got lost, guys.
Well, how about the next question?
Just someone asking if we noticed that Sharon Osbourne and Caroline are starting to look like.
That is mean to Sharon Osbourne.
Yeah, I'm like, I don't know.
That's rough.
She's had a rough week.
We don't need to add insult to injury.
Sharon Osbourne has?
Yeah, because Jack revealed that he has MS.
You know, the first thing I did was Google, does marijuana cause MS?
Isn't that terrible?
But I suddenly got worried for my own health.
I was like, oh, my God.
Did he get that from just smoking too much pot?
But it turns out, no, it doesn't.
I love that the housewives make us reassess our health issues.
They make me reassess a lot of things.
Let's be honest.
I reassess my self-worth, my finances, what I'm doing with my life.
I pretty much just give it up.
I just stop assessing.
I give it up.
Assessing makes an ass out of E and C.
Singing.
Makes an ass out of singing.
Okay.
Well, that was a good one.
Pass it along, you guys.
Assess makes an ass out of E and C.
Didn't our biggest fan, fan Tammy post something as well?
Tammy?
She did? Not a question
though, right? More of a comment.
Tammy Knickerbocker?
Not Tammy Knickerbocker.
That Tammy's pretty cute. Let me see.
I think
she just wanted us to just admit that
Bogate during OC
was kind of the most delicious thing ever.
Oh, yeah.
That Tammy.
And she was right.
Bogate was pretty great.
And I love that it's going to continue into next week.
The Sarah chapter is over.
Okay?
I am bored with you.
I love the way.
I honestly love the way that Heather handled it.
She was sort of like a combination of condescending mother and bitchy prom queen.
Right, when she was like, go sit in the corner and get a hold of yourself, otherwise you can just leave.
She does seethe really well.
She seethes well.
I will give her that.
Yeah, it helps that she has hamster face.
Man, you don't want to piss off a hamster.
No.
Sarah broke the bow off my cake and ate it.
I have a question.
It's not from Twitter.
Are you guys still bothering with that piece of shit around the world in 80 plates?
What a bomb that was.
Even I've stopped.
I was liking it, and even I've stopped.
Bravo spent a fortune on that show, and it is not performing.
Because you know what?
The format, it could have been so great.
You guys, has Curtis Stone ever
been on a successful show? Why do they
keep putting him on TV shows? He's the worst.
He's objectively the worst. He looks
kind of like a Muppet, and he's
an asshole. I'm sorry.
Kat Cora is not that good.
They don't give her anything to do. Well, I'm sorry.
Her personality is like that of a piece
of jicama. I mean, come on.
She is like a fondant bow that has been
half broken off by a crazy white trash woman
with a diabetic problem.
Here's an Oreo.
Okay, so we need to wrap this up.
We want to thank everyone for listening.
Thanks, everyone. Thanks for the questions.
Tweet at us again throughout the week and we we will try to address your questions next week too.
Yep.
Follow us at What Crappens, or you can follow us individually.
I'm at Life on the M List.
I'm at TV Gazom.
I'm at B-Side Blog.
And don't forget to check out some of our other fellow podcasts on the Sideshow Network.
Thank you, Sideshow Network.
All right, so thanks everyone
for listening, and I'm just going to give a
shout out to KLH Turner on
Twitter, who just tweeted
seven minutes ago saying that she's very
excited for the podcast. Well, here it is. I hope you
enjoy it. Sweet. Enjoy. See you
guys next time. Bye. Toodles poodles.
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