Watch What Crappens - Our First Ever Live Show!
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Please help me welcome to the stage, ladies and gentlemen, with the roar they deserve,
Watch What Crappens!
I can't believe it!
I know, you never get what you get to watch on the podcast.
Can I be Julie Chen? I'm Julie Chen.
Yes.
I want to be Debbie Montanopoulos working again.
Aww.
So proud of me.
I'm so proud of you, too.
Alright, well, welcome to Watch What Crappens.
I'm Ronnie Caron from TVgasm.
This is Ben Mandelker from B-Side Blog, Matt Whitfield from Yahoo.
And today our special guest is Hannah Lopatin.
She's a writer and actor on Stevie TV on VH1, which I don't know if you've seen it yet,
but it skewers all reality shows.
If you haven't seen it yet, the season finale airs last Sunday.
So do we. We're waiting on
a DVD release.
Season two in the fall
and it's a little
Peyton,
but that's okay.
It is?
Yes.
I've known you for so long
I never knew that.
No, I think I correct you
all the time.
Really?
What's my last name?
Kara.
Oh.
Well, I guess I just said that.
I was hoping you'd say Karam.
Well, we have a huge amount to talk about tonight.
I'm so glad you guys all showed up.
I'm hoping you guys are all Bravo fans.
If you're not, then this will be kind of boring for you guys.
If you're coming here for some political discussion, it's not going to be happening.
We're going to be starting off with some gossip, Bravo gossip,
and then we're going to be talking about Real Housewives of New Jersey from last night,
and then Real Housewives of Orange County, and then Don't Be Tardy for the wedding.
So very Housewives-centric, but that's really all that's on Bravo, right?
So am I crazy for being excited about this?
Ronnie's the only one watching that million-dollar listing, right?
Do you guys watch Million Dollar Listing New York?
No. No one watches it.
No one.
It's interior therapy. It's a gay porn star from the 80s selling Dollar List in New York? No. No one watches that. No one. It's interior therapy.
It's a gay porn star from the 80s selling real estate in New York.
How are you not watching that?
He was from Zero's.
Thank you very much.
Not that I would watch.
He doesn't know how to make a deal.
I'll show him how.
So why don't we start out with some gossip.
So the big news.
Oh, look at this.
Look at what Matt Whitfield.
Matt Whitfield, for the people listening at home,
he is pouring out
some Skinny Girl Margarita.
That's against the law
to bring that in here.
You know that, right?
Oh, I didn't.
You're going to have
a doorman up your ass.
It's not against the law
to be wonderful,
which is what he's doing
by pouring some
Skinny Girl Margarita right now.
Let's talk Bethany.
So Bethany Frankel
actually has a book
coming out tomorrow.
And as you know,
she's written some books before.
But this is her first
fictional book,
and it's loosely based on her life.
It's called Skinny Dipping.
And what I think is funny about it is that the lead heroine, it's not about swimming in pools, I don't think.
The lead heroine is named Faith Brightstone.
And I don't know if you, I never thought of Bethany Frankel's alter ego being this waspy name like Faith Brightstone.
What did you guys think?
No, that's a very positive name.
It's like Bethany Frankel. All she does is complain.
Yeah. It should be something
like, you know... Like Joan of
Arc. Or some martyr.
Or Fanny
Kirkpatrick or something like that. But not like
Faith Brightstone. That's not Bethany Frankel
whatsoever. I don't know if I'm crazy about that.
Like Jesse Christie. Do you guys think it'll be like a
Jesus Christ name or something like everyone's
always mean to her and like
putting her up on crosses. Does she think she's
Elsie or something? Writing a book?
Well, I mean, I would not
real. I would not call her Elsie.
You mean Nobel Prize for Literature winning Elsie
Lauren Conrad? How dare
Bethany try to rise to her standard.
I know.
You're outrageous for insinuating that you could possibly be on that level.
She complains too much for being a skinny rich woman.
I can't approve of Bethany.
But speaking of Housewives books, did you guys know that Kelly, what's her middle name?
Kill the Wren.
It's her original name.
Kelly Bensimon, crazy face from Real Housewives of New York, wrote a book, and it's called
I Can Make You Hot.
She can.
The Supermodel Diet.
And wait, now there's some reviews that I believe you found.
Yeah, I want to read it.
Well, the ones she wrote.
Shockingly not all positive.
She wrote herself two of them that are really nice.
Fun and entertaining.
Quick, fun read that's light on solid diet advice.
And grammar.
That bitch has alcohol and jelly belt.
I could have written that in a paragraph.
This is my favorite one.
This is the one Hannah wrote.
Is this woman truly an author?
It was like reading a fifth grade paper.
Also, I googled pictures of her and she does not look healthy for her age.
Her skin is bad and she's not in great shape for someone telling others how to be healthy.
There is a hue, difference, internet comedy.
There's a hue, difference, in being hot and being living healthy and being fit.
The book was a waste of my time.
Now, did this person, like, realize what book she was reading beforehand?
Was that one of the books?
No, I thought it would not be a waste of my time to read a book by Kelly Benson.
I thought it would be really insightful.
I thought it would be like Elsie's book.
It was clearly, that's a Ramona Singer comment.
Yeah, definitely.
Or Countess Luanne, you know.
Countess Luanne, probably.
Speaking about literary things.
Good people don't buy books called I Can Make You Hot.
I agree.
The reason I Can Make You Super Hot would be the one.
Yay, look at that forehead.
Okay, so now speaking of literary things, people at home, I'm holding up the latest In Touch
magazine, In Touch Weekly, and Teresa Giudice, or Giudice, depending on which show you watch,
is on the cover, and she says, I'm sorry I was selfish. She wrote apologies to all the other
women on The Real Housewives of New Jersey,
and she wrote little letters.
You can actually see they're in handwriting fonts,
which means that she wrote them, right?
What I like about the fact that she sent these apologies is that,
as my friend Annie Denner explained on his blog, Reality Blurred,
they have to actually pay to get their apologies.
They can't actually get personal apologies.
They have to go and buy the magazine to read them.
So we thought we'd read each one of these letters.
Well, before we read them, do you guys know all this stuff that happened?
Okay, Real Housewives of Jersey just came back.
And Teresa writes cookbooks.
And basically, she steals recipes from some dead grandmother or something.
And she takes all the fat and calories out of them and it makes
me terrible and then she turns them into random house or whatever and sells these
books and they're called like skinny skinny skinny Italian yeah because of
skinny dipping the soon-to-be bestseller launching tomorrow yeah lots of skinny
books in the house lies so she takes these books and she sells them.
Well, this one she put a lot of personal information,
and she basically just slams every housewife.
Yeah, and then on the show, as you may remember from the premiere
or even from the end of last season, she's like,
ah, they're jokes, they're funny, ha-ha.
Ha-ha.
I said you stole my furniture from the front of my house.
Ha-ha.
Ha-ha.
It's a joke.
Ha-ha.
I'm kidding.
All right, so we're going to read each one of them.
They're small.
You know, they're not long.
If you remember from last season, she writes her apologies on, like, size, like, 72 font
with her handwriting on, like, Chanel stationery.
Two words per page.
Two words per page.
So why don't you start off with her letter to Jacqueline?
No, this is her former best friend.
What did she say to Jacqueline?
What did she say to Jacqueline?
Well, Jacqueline, I think we're getting there because Jacqueline, remember
at the reunion last season? Did not show up.
Didn't show up because she was so mad at Teresa.
Okay. Oh, and by the way, the preface is
the reason why Teresa wrote these apologies
is because when she's, because she's on
Celebrity Apprentice and she's been working with Charity,
she's realized what, you know,
not to sweat the small stuff and that she
should apologize. So it really comes from a great place.
Is that really why? Are you making that up?
I feel like you're making that up. She wrote these because
she got 30 grand a pop, is what I heard.
And that too. Really? Her letter? No, she
got 6K, I read. 6K?
We are really on top of our facts, okay?
You see, this is a really...
Wait, I heard she wrote it because
she got a unicorn for every single
fact.
She did. That's what Joe Giudice does. He takes care of the unicorns. Facts. Facts. He did. That's what Joe
Giudice does.
He takes care of
the unicorns.
That's his new
business.
Well, after the
pizza place folded.
Well, we'll get to
all this.
You guys, the pizza
place, he had to be
there every day.
I know, it's
crazy.
Shirtless.
It was hard.
Okay, read the
letter to Jacqueline.
Dear Jacqueline, I
wish we could have
resolved things sooner
because I'm sincerely
sorry for upsetting
you, and I'm sorry I didn't respond
to your apology on Twitter.
Well, you know, that's honestly
the most offensive thing you could do, is not respond
to a Twitter apology. I feel like things have gotten
out of hand, which is sad. It is sad.
I miss our friendship.
I miss being like
Lucy and Ethel with you. No.
What?
No, no, no.
At best, they were Elsie and Heidi, just to bring it up.
At best.
At best. And I hope we can work through these problems
one day when you are ready. XOXO.
When you...
Pass or guess when you are ready.
Alright, now I'm going to read
her one. I'm sorry, you're a horrible person.
Now this is the one
to Kathy. Oh, and there's a little thing that says
she'll stick up for Kathy from now on. That's nice.
And it also says
no more raccoon comments.
So that's
a really good step in the right direction.
Okay.
I'm already laughing because I already saw the first line.
Dear Kathy,
I forgive you for saying you dread being around
me.
That's, by the way, already very backhanded.
I forgive you for being a bitch to me.
I know in my heart the good times we have shared over the years
represent your true feelings for me.
I have nothing but love for you in my heart.
Sincerely, Teresa.
I did not hear her wish to be like Lucy and Ethel
or like Alvin, Simon,
and Theodore.
Which is very distressing to me.
I'm sorry that you stole my patio furniture.
I hope you're by this comfortable.
Which one is...
You're Caroline. Oh, dear Caroline.
Okay, you guys. Caroline is gonna
murder Teresa.
Caroline's like the old one
who, like a lot of
older people,
mad for no reason
and stays mad forever.
And she has Bonnie Franklin hair from one day at a time.
I don't know if anyone remembers that show, but she has Bonnie Franklin hair.
I'm too young.
Dear Caroline, crazy blink, crazy blink,
crazy, crazy blink,
I'm truly sorry for offending
you and your cooking.
Oh yeah,
she said Caroline was only like one, wait, she said
Caroline was as Italian as the Olive Garden.
Yeah. It's a joke.
Hello.
I didn't get it.
If I pitched that
in a meeting, I'd be out of it.
I miss having fun
and letting loose with you. She's never
had fun or let Liz with her.
No one has ever had fun with Caroline.
Well, they do play the ham game.
Oh, that's fun. They throw ham at the wall.
Is that true?
Classic Manzo fun.
They reference that, actually.
Is that true? Yeah.
I don't know half of the shit they say on this show.
Because they said
last night something about throwing ham.
I thought it was like a masturbation reference.
It was.
It was twofold.
We had a lot of fun together, shared many laughs.
I miss those good times.
I just want us all to get along.
XO, XO.
Well, you know what?
Kathy got us sincerely.
Oh, Kathy only got us sincerely.
That's right.
We got two XOs, and Kathy only got us sincerely. Oh, Kathy only got two XOs, and Kathy
only got sincerely. Oh, Joe and Melissa get a duel.
Oh, now this is going to be the most
interesting one. Okay. I really
like her. Dear Joe
and Melissa. Crazy blink. Crazy blink.
Crazy blink. I'm sorry I haven't been as
enthusiastic about Melissa's singing
career as I should have been.
I'm happy that you are following your dreams.
Also, this has been difficult for our
parents. It breaks their hearts.
I want to make them proud, and I want them
to be happy. Life is too short
to live like this. Let's cherish every moment
together. Sincerely, Teresa.
XO. XO.
You know, that is totally
you know that was like, Kathy only
got this sincerely. You know that
was intentional. It's because Jeff Goldblum
keeps hitting on her.
Well, you know, this is a perfect time.
Well, actually, before we even get into our New Jersey,
our full New Jersey coverage, what do you guys think about these
apologies? I think they're kind of insincere. I was a little touched by the last
one. I was reading, I was like,
I'm going to make this funny. Oh.
Like, it's too short.
You're going to call up your mom now.
I was reading to research you guys in touch. I don't know. I think it's too short. You're going to call up your mom now. I was reading Teresa Chudais in touch.
I don't know.
I think what bothers me is that now that she's written these things,
she's going to say, well, I wrote these things and I showed it to the world,
and now I've done my part.
I've been as sincere as possible.
And she still doesn't get what she did wrong.
She's Teresa.
I know.
If she got what she did wrong, she wouldn't have a career right now.
That's true, too.
She's a crazy, stupid biatch.
And that's why she's on TV.
Go, Teresa!
Well, then, why don't we launch into our full-on coverage of last night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Yeah!
So, speaking of a...
She's really excited.
You actually sounded like Teresa having sex with Joe, by the way.
That's probably something he puts on his vibrating cock ring. which, by the way, is referenced on the show.
I did not make that up.
It's not a classy show.
Matt gets shocked very easily.
I flush my pearls.
He's already turning pale over here.
Just say cock ring and he faints.
Anyway, speaking of apologies, so Teresa tried to apologize to everyone at this dinner last night on the show.
That was the worst apology ever, though, because she's like, all right, you guys, I wrote a cookbook.
I know you guys read it.
I just wanted to say that the cookbook was recipes.
It was funny.
So sorry.
I was like, she's dead silence.
She had an audience, though.
I mean, she always is performing for an audience.
She got them all under one roof.
Crazy thing.
She did get them all under one roof, but, I mean, they could not have, they looked like they wanted to slit her neck, you know?
Well, Sister of Ma Melissa is finally coming out of her shell, because last year was her first year, and so she was very shy.
Teresa was popular at that time, so she was super nice to Teresa, And now she's a flaming C-word, and I love it.
Well, could you really, like, step to Teresa when she's got, like, Satan as a daughter in Melania?
Oh, my God.
Because you know if you step to Teresa, Melania's coming up like Chucky at night and stabbing him in the eyeball.
Daddy, why are you cooking?
You're not a cooker.
You're a hooker.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, she literally said hooker last night.
She's six years old.
She's six.
I did not know what a hooker was until I was at least 24.
Actually, when I was in fifth grade, we had typing class, and I really hated it.
So every day I would come in and come up with, like, a job that didn't need to type.
And I thought a hooker was a drug dealer.
And I came in, I was like, what about a hooker?
Oh, that's much better.
And the teacher, like, handled it so well. She was like, well, they need to keep track of their clients.
Very organized hooker.
You need math.
You know, when they don't have a pimp, you have to have your own personal index that you type.
A very modern hooker, too.
It's just like straight-faced, a hooker needs to type.
A hooker these days has to know how to run a website.
They have to know HTML.
They got to know PayPal. They got to tweet. They got to have YouTube. Hook hooker these days has to know how to run a website. They have to know HTML. They gotta know PayPal.
Gotta have tweets. Gotta have YouTube.
Hookers got it going on.
Final cut.
So Teresa apologized
to everyone and then there was this really weird
thing that happened. The guys
went downstairs to play poker
and they're all laughing, laughing, laughing
and then you hear the girl say, what's that
yelling downstairs?
And then it, like, fades out and comes up, like, six hours later.
And Joe Giudice has a black eye.
And I was all excited because I was like, ooh, they're going to show us, like, what happened.
Everyone's going to talk about it and we're going to go back and watch it.
But we actually never saw the fight. Yeah, why do you think we didn't see it?
Is it un-aired?
It seemed like the cameras were there.
Because it's not supposed to be about the husbands.
And I think the camera people were like, oh, they're just going to grab each other's nuts. Let's go back supposed to be about the husbands. If there's a fight, it's about they're just
going to grab each other's nuts. Let's go back upstairs.
Bravo missed the ball. Now, that's the
other weird thing. They were all describing it
so Joe and Richie
started going at it and then...
You need to get to the details there.
Going at it. He was grabbing his testicles.
That's what I'm saying. First they stand up
and then they're like, grab
the nuts of... Wait, who's nuts? Richie're like, grab the nuts. Those are his balls.
Wait, Richie's nuts, right?
Yeah.
He grabbed Richie's nuts and he said, that guy's got nuts like a, what was that?
Like a gerbil or something.
He said there were no nuts.
And I have not been in many fights, shockingly.
But forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think grabbing the nuts is not usually one of the first steps in the altercation, right?
But also, in the news this week, somebody died because some chick grabbed his nuts.
That can happen.
That can happen.
You guys were at the Abbey yesterday.
Did it happen there?
I think it happened many times.
There are many fatalities at the Abbey.
Yes, that's it.
Fighting, quote unquote.
A lot of nut-darring at the Abbey.
Anyway, why didn't we see the fight?
Is it saved for lost footage?
No, wait, it gets better.
So Joe Giudice grabbed his nuts, and then they started doing this to each happy. Anyway, why didn't we see the fight? Is it saved for lost footage? No, wait, it gets better. So Joe Giudice
grabbed his nuts, and then they
started doing this to each other. That was the
action that they gave to him. And then I think Richie
got a candlestick.
It literally became Clue.
Yeah! It literally was a candlestick
in his face.
But he's knocked on, I was unclear, because some were saying
he got knocked onto a couch, and then he hit a candlestick
on the way down, which is kind of weird also.
And I'm wondering why there's also, like, big heavy candlesticks in the basement, too.
Have you seen her decor?
I know.
Were you the one who mentioned that it looked like a Vegas casino?
Yes, there's a Fleur de Lis on every surface.
Including the asses of all the men's jeans.
Yeah, that's true, too.
That's very true.
I'm kind of bummed.
This is, like, I think the second big fight that we've not seen on camera.
So let's explain that because last season we didn't see the fight in the Dominican when they were on vacation.
And that was going to be the juiciest, you know, possible fight.
And I think we didn't see that because there was litigation that came as a result of that.
But I don't see the litigation.
Do you guys know what happened there?
They went to, what, Puntaacana sounds like a fucking bitch.
A whorehouse.
What is that?
It's a horrible thing to say.
It's actually supposed to be a resort in the Dominican Republic.
They were in the Hard Rock, yeah.
That's a horrible thing to say.
It's horrible.
So they were in some horrible place in Mexico that declares women with its name.
It was Dominican Republic.
Whatever.
Same here.
So they were there, and Teresa got in a fight with somebody and beat the shit out of them
with some bar.
She threw champagne at some lady
and then they all started fighting.
Again, but this was all caught on camera.
No XOXO to that bitch.
She gets it sincerely.
That's it.
So that was a big thing that was never shown.
Now we have a fist fight
and I feel like the cameras should have been there
to catch it and yet nothing did.
It was like they were showing the men.
There was some weird editing that happened.
Yeah.
Because, like, they were showing the men, and all of a sudden you hear this dialogue,
but, like, they're like, what's going on?
And there's, like, a glass in front of Richie's face as he's saying it, and then it, like,
moves.
And it's clearly, like, they overlaid the dialogue.
It was very shady.
Like, you're short, or, like, how short are you?
Yeah.
And then all of a sudden it was just gone.
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Black is beautiful.
Are you suggesting
that this is not real?
What? What?
What?
The fight didn't happen right then and there?
Just checking.
I am shocked.
Yeah, it was a weird thing.
But I think it was Kathy who made actually a very clever,
passive-aggressive comment about, like,
how strange is it that Joe Giudice, who is a taekwondo master,
got taken down by Richie by accident?
I mean, it's true.
I mean, if this guy is supposed to be this karate, Taekwondo, martial arts master.
Not this season.
Well, he's a little drunk now.
He's basically a drunkard.
He's basically.
He's really been working on his tits.
They're like a C now.
Yeah, they're great.
They're like a C.
Alexis Bellino should be so jealous right now.
He's got a droopy C.
They're looking pretty good.
Well, you know, speaking of dietary issues, poor Lauren Manzo.
She cannot shed that weight.
All right, you guys.
Carolyn Manzo is the worst mother ever.
I'm 36, and I still have mommy issues.
And I have actually a nice mom.
I just blame her for a lot of stuff.
Why not?
Carolyn Manzo is really terrible.
She takes her fat kid.
She's always like, oh, you poor thing.
You're so fat.
And every year, this poor girl gets
fatter and fatter because she's got her mom
telling her she's fat all day.
She's also dating a fat guy who runs
a deli. And there's also one
season when she was doing a cereal diet where all
she did was eat frosted flakes. And Lucky
Charms. Yeah, Lucky Charms. Well, so
now Lauren Manzo, unfortunately
for her, things have gotten really dire.
And now she had to go see some nutritionist who I think maybe.
Dr. Perricone.
Hello.
He's famous, you guys.
I guess he's famous.
Who prescribed her with like, here's a jug of egg whites and some cocoa powder.
And you can just drink this all week.
And berries.
Oh, and berries.
And his whole office was like giant jars of fish oil pills.
What the fuck kind of doctor is this?
And Caroline's like, yeah, poor thing.
I wish it was one of my sons.
That's so skinny.
It doesn't affect the sons.
I was like,
well, one of your sons
is pretty fat.
But, you know,
the thing is,
Lauren, she's got Vito.
I mean,
why is she caring so much?
Because she's trying
to launch a business.
She's a makeup artist.
Well, now,
that's the other thing.
Will she have the commitment
to this diet?
Because, you know what?
As we learned,
Face by Lauren Manzo,
which is her cosmetic line,
it shuttered a day after her grand opening at Chateau.
She didn't like it,
so she just walked out the day after her grand opening.
So now, I mean, honestly,
if you cannot make it at Chateau,
the Art of Beauty in Franklin Lake, New Jersey,
I have serious concerns about your business acumen.
She can probably get a job at POP.
Well, you know, the truth is this.
I also wonder how far apart are lauren and
ashley ashley is like the bad seed but lauren's not doing that much with her life either lauren's
trying at least no she's not she's been one day she's befriended her mom and her mom's friends
yeah and she's like a 50 year old yeah she hangs out with her mom and gets better and dates some
dudes from the deli listen i'm a true believer that you should only lose weight
to get somebody to marry you on the first date.
The only
reason I'm not 600 pounds
is because I'm single.
The only reason.
The moment we find a veto, yeah.
I'm going to find some fat guy with a job.
No, Lauren, I mean, here's the thing.
Should we start talking about Ashley?
Because Ashley needs to be talked about.
Have you guys been following Ashley and the saga of her awfulness?
Lips and hair.
So now she looks like a porn star.
That's the new thing.
She's bleached blonde.
Her lips are out to the air.
Okay, so in case you don't know who this is,
Jacqueline used to be a waitress.
A VIP waitress.
And met her Goomba husband there at her Denny's job or whatever.
Naked.
In Vegas.
And he took her in and made her rich.
And then she had this kid who's now just a spoiled brat.
She's never done anything to this kid but give her money.
So now the kid's like a total drug addict on an Escalade.
And she dyed her hair blonde and looks like a porn star and got new lips.
And she's horrible.
She's awful.
She's been awful every season.
And just when you think she can't get more awful, you sort of think, okay,
she's old enough where she can be a little bit
more self-aware. She can read that people think
that she's awful. She can see herself on TV.
She has Twitter, right? Twitter teaches you
what people think about you.
You're horrible.
Instead, she just gets worse and worse and finally
to reform her ways,
this is sort of an unorthodox method, I would
think, Jacqueline and her husband Chris have decided to send her ways, this is sort of an unorthodox method, I would think. Jacqueline and her husband Chris
have decided to send her to
probably the most
laid back and simple place,
Las Vegas. They picked her out to Las Vegas.
She parted two hearts, we're going to send you to Las Vegas
because that'll really help everything.
Well, it's like, if your parents go to college,
they want you to go to college. Jacqueline just
wants her daughter to be in an environment
where she can find a man to go to college. Jacqueline just wants her daughter to be in an environment where she can find a man
to support her problems.
I call it good parenting.
So this storyline was hilarious.
Would you agree, Matt?
It's a hilarious storyline.
It was the best ever
in Jersey history.
So all that had to happen.
Here's all that Ashley had to do.
She had to catch a plane.
We'll talk about,
no, no, we have to talk about
when she left the house.
That's what I'm talking, yeah.
No, no, you have to go back further
to where she, the first minute you see Ashley, okay?
She's up on the stairs, and she's like, oh, this is so hard.
I have a suitcase.
It's hard.
I can't even pack it.
I don't even know what I'm doing.
I can't even carry this.
I'm afraid of flying.
It's hot outside.
So they're going to take...
And then she admits that she's been taking Xanax all day.
Yeah.
And then she also says something along the lines of, I didn't even know planes could crash until I saw Castaway.
Wait, what?
Do you remember who she said that?
You watched this on Fast Forward, don't you?
You blocked it out.
It was such a stupid comment.
You must have blocked it out.
Almost as stupid as when she later said,
I sip NyQuil with a straw.
Yes, that was amazing.
Clearly, this is one of our greatest thinkers.
I can't wait for her book to come out.
I can make you drop.
In a skinny dipping pool.
No, she...
So, basically, they were just sending her to Newark Airport to get her out.
But Jacqueline was not going to drive her.
She didn't even hug her.
Well, no, Jacqueline said
the reason why
I'm having Albie,
her nephew Albie,
take her is because
she's afraid they'd get
into a fight on the way
to the airport.
She wanted to leave her.
Possibly gay son of Caroline, man.
She said,
I just want to give Ashley
a big hug
and send her on her way.
She didn't even give the hug.
No, she was busy
playing with the dog.
She was.
She literally was
playing with the dog.
Which is, you know what, honestly, a better entertainment alternative than feeling bad. She has't even give the hug. No, she was busy playing with the dog. She was. She literally was playing with the dog, which is, you know what, honestly
a better entertainment alternative than feeling
bad. She has a husband in Chris
that provides for her. They have two children of their
own. She's done with that baby. Not even
Chris took her to the, like no one took her
to the airport. No, they're done with her.
So, so Albie takes her to the airport
and drops her off at the curb
and she's like doing her thing where she cries with her pinkies
in her eyes. And she's like, I don't even know what an airport is.
And she goes, she doesn't actually.
She literally was doing that.
I don't know how to do this.
What do you do?
How do I know what plane it is?
My dad didn't even tell me what plane to get on.
Yeah, so she goes in.
She's at the airport, I'm assuming many hours early.
Tweeting the entire time.
Tweeting, and she's like, LOL, where's the Dunkin' Donuts?
LOL.
Literally, I'm not joking. Thateting the entire time. Tweeting, and she's like, LOL, where's the Dunkin' Donuts? LOL. And, literally,
I'm not joking. That was not a joke.
And then she announces that she missed her flight.
Even though she was in the same airport,
and she was there many hours
early, she somehow missed her flight. But not only
did she miss it, she's like, stupid airline
employee. She's like, I hate my, yeah.
They were so mean to me. This is,
and she has the classic thing, she's like, I hate my life. This, they were so mean to me. This is, and she has the classic thing.
She's like, I hate my life.
This stuff always happens to me.
Yeah, because you're such an idiot
that you can walk from, like,
through the gate onto your airplane.
Well, meanwhile,
her parents have planned this party
because this bitch is gone.
So they have a party of, like,
30 people.
They're like,
she's leaving.
Is that a good thing?
Yeah, they invite,
they're partying,
they're, like, drinking, they're tossing, Do you know how much they hate thing? They're partying, they're like drinking,
they're tossing a can with each other.
They hate Ashley so much
they even invited Teresa to this party
and they hate Teresa.
They're like, yes, Ashley's gone. We're going to invite Teresa now.
Yeah, and then poor Ashley comes back in
and everyone's just like, oh.
The record scratches.
Yeah, the record really scratches.
Like, oh, the porn star is back.
But she did eventually, Chris, the next day,
did drive her to the airport.
This stuff is making me drunk.
That's Vanessa. I need a martini.
I don't like this colored stuff.
Speaking of Ashley,
I didn't mean it like that.
Artificially colored.
Speaking of Ashley,
it brings up a question.
We have a question, which is,
what can Ashley do?
If she cannot literally just take the few steps it takes to get off an airplane,
what mundane things can she or can she not do?
What do we think?
Do we think that she's capable of returning a DVD to Netflix?
No.
I can't do that, and I'm a fairly smart person.
I found soap dish when I was moving.
I found it behind my couch. That's a great thing to find. It cost me like $40 for. I found soap dish when I was moving. I found it behind my couch.
That's a great thing to find. They charged me like $40 for a copy of soap dish.
No, you just say you lost it.
Worth every penny.
I had already done that, though.
You can only do that one time.
All right.
Do we think that she can open a bag of Cheetos by herself?
Definitely.
She's like Brittany.
Yeah, that's sort of her diet of the Cheetos.
What about climbing up a ladder?
Do we think that she can climb a ladder?
No.
She'll step on that little part that part that you're not supposed to
step on. It'll flip over.
This is my life. I hate this in my life.
Things happen like this in my life. Why would they
put the slanted like this? This is so dumb.
Why do you need a ladder?
It should be a circle.
Do we think she actually even understands the basic
principles of gravity at this point?
Yeah, if that's how she goes to bed, just ask her.
Gravity will get me to bed.
She's like, I didn't even know you could fall asleep until I saw Sleeping with the Enemy.
I threw an apple in the air and it fell on the ground.
That's stupid.
Why don't you stay up there?
I hate my life.
The apples never stay suspended in the air.
Okay, so
speaking of other idiots.
Okay, Joe Judice.
Joe Judice.
How are we pronouncing it this week?
Well, it was Judice, and then it was
Judice.
And now it's Judice.
Okay, let's talk about him shirtless ago.
Alright, there's way too much of him shirtless.
Way too much.
And it's unpleasant.
He looks like when Demi Moore was pregnant and she did that bad cover.
And she was naked, like, holding her boob.
That is.
You know, I'm really glad to have that image in my head now.
I've always wondered what would happen if Demi just opened up her arms.
And now I know.
It's just Joe doing weights.
What about Joe Giudice not
oh can you pretend it's before eight and get me a martini I don't like this
we're talking to the waitress we're talking about if not put it on this card yeah um so anyway um
so his pizza place oh we have to talk about his pizza place yeah so I closed her lazy ass
Teresa's lazy ass husband, he's been arrested
because he was drunk,
he ran into a tree
drunk driving.
Yeah.
And he was like,
oh,
I wasn't even drunk,
I just hit a tree.
And then,
so his license
was therefore suspended,
as would happen
if you drunk drive.
And then he went
to the DMV
to get,
with his brother's
documents,
to get a license
for himself.
Yeah,
but he did have
a driver's license.
And so, yeah, so guess what?
He got caught, because he's also on TV
and people know who he is.
And then he got into real
trouble now.
And now he has a driver to take him to the construction site
for work. A driver to take him to the pizza place
that he doesn't have time to go to.
Okay, so Teresa bought him a pizza place
to keep him out of the house.
All he has to do is go make pizza.
Yeah.
This poor guy can't even do that.
He shows up in the beginning of this episode all bleary-eyed, stoned, out of his mind,
like all puffy-eyed.
And he's like, I just can't do it, Tree.
I've got to be there every day, you know.
I think this is good.
I think this is good, to be honest, because I don't know if we need Jojo Dice's pizza
inflicted on the world.
Okay, but do we need him to build a hospice center
across the street?
Oh, yeah.
That's a new plan.
Yeah, that's a new plan.
He's going to tear down a gas station
and build a retirement home.
The 50 and older.
Those old people.
I know, 55 and older.
I'm like, that's really young.
That is going to be an undercover investigation.
It's probably going to be a new Bravo show.
Thank you, Andy Kelman.
Could you imagine?
Come stay at our retirement home,
formerly a gas station.
All the wonderful amenities you could ever want.
It does make you wonder, though,
who is worse?
Who is worse of a husband?
Joe?
Jujitsu?
J?
Or Jim Bellino from Real Housewives of Orange County?
Do you guys know who that is?
This is our little segue.
Wait, wait, wait.
You can't go to OC yet.
What did we miss?
We have to talk about
Kathy's hot son.
Oh, wait.
Oh, gross.
This is going to be
Matt's soapbox corner.
Matt, tell us what your thoughts are.
I'm a pedophile alert.
Barney thinks I'm a pedophile,
so let's move on.
No, no, no, no.
I don't want them to
have a camera's intentions
for a 15-year-old.
Let's go. But we do agree that he will be hot once he becomes of age. But he's 15 right now. So let's move on. No, no, no, no. I don't want them to have cameras and tensions for 15-year-olds.
But we do agree that he will be hot once he becomes of age.
But he's 15 right now.
Did you not sext when you were younger?
No.
We didn't have cell phones.
How young are you?
Never mind.
One day at a time. Matt just turned 19.
So anyway, so who is worse, Joe or Jim?
Joe, by far.
Jim.
At least Joe's fuckable. Admit it.
Admit it.
Well, Jim's got that new chin, you know.
New chin, new attitude, right?
I don't want some guy
boning me and then lecturing me
about Jesus. I can't.
Some people might like that. He at least has a little
bit of money. Judicia has nothing.
What does he even do? He's opening
a business where he's gonna just open a backyard full of trampolines for children to has nothing. What does he even do? He's opening a business where he's
going to just open a backyard full of trampolines
for children to jump on. Who does that?
What kind of business is that?
That's Jim Bellino's business? Yeah, it's his new business.
Didn't you catch that? Somehow I missed that.
Somehow I missed that
in Forbes.
That's what he's working on.
It's a new family business
where people come and jump on
actually to be fair I've heard of those things
I've been and it's fucking awesome
I would go
like Jim Bellino just went so high up
he went up on an emotional trampoline
trampoline parks are so fun
I want to go
although I don't know if I'd go to Jim Bellino's trampoline park
every trampoline would look like Alexis's boobs.
You'd just be bouncing on her boobs the entire time.
But Joe, Judith, whatever, is such, like, she's like, I'm so happy to have him home
and taking care of the kids.
And they show, like, the little one's bleeding.
He's like, ah, she's fine.
And the oldest one's like, she's going to be bitter.
What's the oldest one's name?
Gia.
Oh, yeah.
Gia is going to be so bitter.
She's like, oh, take care of it. She's, like, cleaning the blood off her kids. I know the oldest one's name? Gia. Gia is going to be so bitter. She's like,
oh,
take care of it.
She's like cleaning the blood off her kids.
I know.
And he's like pouring wine for them.
He's like,
ah,
she's fine.
He's such a horrible,
horrible man.
I think he's actually a terrible father.
Yeah.
I actually don't like the way he talks to his kids.
No,
but we're all in agreement here except for Ronnie.
But then again,
Jim though,
but Jim is awful though.
No,
I'm not saying Jim's not awful, I'm just
saying. Well, here's where Jim is stupid, okay?
Joe at least has the foresight
to realize that he's not making any
money, so Teresa's going to have to bring in the money.
Now, Jim, I don't think is making any
money either, and Alexis now
has some weird opportunities to make
like $5 at Fox News, or
Fox San Diego, and Jim wants to
shut that shit down, because he's just jealous
and he thinks that she should be home with the kids.
No, it's because the real reason is because Alexis...
She has a future anchoring.
She's just like Katie Couric.
She is.
No, no, not Katie Couric.
That's not even a real person.
It's Katie Keurig.
Keurig.
Keurig.
I think it's because that job doesn't pay her enough.
Alexis can only do so many jobs to support Jen.
And Fox 5 News, how much is that going to pay?
And she has to nurture Alexis Couture because, you know.
She should neuter that shit.
I'm kind of upset that we don't have some pieces from the Alexis Couture line here to show off.
It has nothing on She Buy Charade.
Oh, that's true. She By Shere
hasn't even manifested. It's the line of all lines.
It will be, when it comes out, it will be amazing.
It's coming back. It is coming back.
Really, Shere? Except we're not.
It'd actually be funny if just like a dress
showed up, you know, it's like, oh, Shere's here.
It's just like a dress on a hanger.
It'd be sad. It'd be like, and it broke back down.
Very
random. I'd take it to a dark place.
A dark, gay place.
It's the ghost of
Sheree.
It implodes.
And Mimi will just smell it and be like,
you're such a bitch!
So let's talk about the real hassles of Orange
County because we need to start
talking about it.
Gretchen is an artist, you guys.
Yeah, let's talk about Gretchen.
Let's talk about Gretchen and the singing.
We've been waiting for seven weeks.
Seven weeks. Guys,
I love you.
I don't know if you guys heard. She lost her voice, guys.
Did you hear? I don't know if you heard. She lost it.
Who loses their voice for that long
from one day of shouting?
Losing your voice doesn't mean that you can't
hit the right pitch yeah thank you thank you pitch burn doesn't mean tone down
bam you totally got it i think someday gretchen is just going to have to accept the fact that
she has no voice i kind of feel like though that she does have some sense of herself oh a little
bit and you're like what um i feel like she kind of knows she sucks.
Yeah. Like, that's why she's so nervous.
I feel like Slade pushed her into it. I actually agree
a little bit. I think she kind of knows.
She's created a lie. She's created a lie
because she knows she sucks. Well, I like Gretchen
because she knows that everybody sucks
and she knows that she sucks. Like, when
Slade wanted to be a stand-up comic, she's like,
you can't do that. You're terrible. The only one
she doesn't realize. When he wanted her to be a singer, she's like, I can't do that. You're terrible. The only one she doesn't realize. The only one who wanted her to be a singer.
She's like, I can't do that.
I'm terrible.
Like, she knows, at least.
The only person she doesn't realize who sucks is Slade.
She doesn't realize that Slade sucks.
She does, but Slade's her agent.
Exactly.
Look, my agent sucks, but I want to be in commercials.
So, I have to the phone.
You know, do we really think that Slade got her the gig with the Pussycat Dolls?
Yes.
Or Bravo?
Yeah. Robin, do you think Slade did that the gig with the Pussycat Dolls? Yes. Or Bravo? Yeah.
Robin, do you think Slade did that?
Uh-huh.
All right, fine.
Fine.
You go work with Slade.
We'll see what opens up for you.
No pun intended.
She did turn down the Fox 5.
She did.
Oh, okay, we have to talk about that.
That was awesome.
Because these BFFs are falling apart.
Yeah.
Fast.
So Gretchen was BFFs with Alexis.
Boobs for Jesus, in case you don't watch the show.
Yeah.
BFJ.
Yeah.
And Alexis has been all proud of her hard-hitting news segment where she interviews people like
Dr. Booty and various women dressed like nurses.
And so she was showing-
So you're here to talk about sex and children sex and children sex they must
have been so excited when they saw her on camera like it's such a train wreck
every week you know the possible like yes we're totally getting on the show
now because you see the out form one sentence you know the more people who
were there to talk about teen sex to sex didn't even know what to say.
Of course she got their name bar wrong.
And her chest was falling out for sure.
She called one lady Dr. Areola.
She did.
She did.
Sadly, she doesn't even know
what an Areola is.
Her name was Ariana, but it's okay.
So then she's proudly showing
this hideous segment off to Gretchen, and Gretchen
being the bitch that she is, is like, oh yeah, they offered that to me first, but I turned
it down, but I'm so glad that you're doing it.
I love frenemies.
Oh, it's amazing, but the fucked up thing is Alexis doesn't even realize how terrible
she is.
Yeah.
So shouldn't that be Gretchen's job as her BFF to tell her that, or?
She did.
She was like, get a coach.
She did it in like the nicest way possible. She actually did it as nicely as she possibly could. But that's the advice Gretchen's job as her BFF to tell her that? She did. She was like, get a coach. She did it in the nicest way possible.
She actually did it as nicely as she possibly could.
But that's the advice Gretchen gives everybody.
You shouldn't do it. You have no talent.
Don't even try.
It's the same advice she gave herself.
Yeah, and unfortunately she's not totally
following it, but that's okay.
Oh wait, I have to say something though.
You guys, Gretchen can kind of sing.
Admit it. Admit it. She can kind of sing in the You guys, Gretchen can kind of sing. Admit it.
Admit it.
Somebody admit it.
She can kind of sing in the way that Lindsay Lohan can kind of sing.
Lohan's first album is amazing.
And it's auto-tuned.
So there's all these starlets who are like, oh, I can kind of hit notes and you can auto-tune it and now I'm a singer. I don't know.
Well, considering that Bravo has teased out this Pussycat Dolls performance over like five episodes.
And we really didn't even get to see.
We haven't yet seen the true performance yet.
That's going to happen.
My God, we didn't talk about Melissa Gorga's song.
Oh, yeah.
Does anybody know it?
The new ballad.
Anyone have it on their iPod yet?
No.
Do you guys?
No.
No.
Would have won something.
Would have won half of Skinny Girl.
Yeah.
It's like, Joe, Joe, I love
you, Joe. Thank you
for everything you give me, Joe.
And he's like, yeah, I'm gonna put
my poison into you, baby. And then they went
to bed. Yeah. It's a good song.
I hate this song.
Watch it.
DVR. Can we talk about
Vicky Gunnison? Yeah, let's talk about Vicky.
Okay, so can we talk about Brooks? Okay, so V, let's talk about Vicky Can we talk about Brooks?
Okay, so Vicks has this new boyfriend
named Brooks who may or may not be a grifter
from Mississippi or Alabama
or whatever, whose way of
courtship is to say, your eyes are so beautiful
what are your assets again?
There's a daily affirmation via text
Oh yeah, daily affirmation
What does that mean?
It means he says they're lovely
What's the affirmation? What does that mean? It means he said you're lovely. No, but like
what's the affirmation?
Did he read one?
He shared one.
He said,
like a man
tells his woman
I want to tell everyone
in the world
that I love you
and she says okay
and he whispers
I love you
and it's like oh
because she's the world
so think about that.
It caused just as
an awkward silence
on the show
as it did right now.
Did it move you as emotionally as Teresa's
apology to Joe and Melissa? Because I can already see
the tears welling up in your eyes.
I just want a man to say that to me.
No, I really don't. No, you don't.
So do we think Brooks is a good guy or a
grifter? No. He's a grifter. Look,
Vicky has a beaver face
and boob scars. You guys,
she got boobs when they were still square.
You remember when they would, like, put squares into people?
So she has these big square boobs.
And they didn't stitch it up right.
So she's got, like, two inch scars here under her boob.
Yeah.
And I've actually seen them up close and in person.
Like mother, like daughter.
I've actually, believe it or not, I actually saw Vicky in person.
And she was wearing, like, this weird dress where you can actually see, like boob and the scars are like hideous look and god bless you you know insurance insurance
insurance insurance yeah with Vicky but I say unless you're dating somebody uglier than you
chances are they're using you yeah this is why I date ugly people
um I don't know.
I think there's definitely a chance that Brooks could be a grifter.
But I don't know.
I feel like maybe he might be not a grifter. He sends her cards.
He sends her, like, those shoebox greeting cards.
No, shoebox greetings are matching the crowd.
Like, you suck.
Ha ha, I love you.
Before we move on, can we please talk about the makeup debacle
yes makeup gate 2020 okay alexis this week alexis showed up in blackface you guys on the real house
size of warren's county so so alexis had an issue because obviously she has to go anywhere she goes
she needs to have a makeup artist because who doesn't i already i had mine backstage. And this makeup artist in Vegas shockingly put on too much makeup.
Which, by the way, says a lot if you put on too much makeup for Alexis.
Okay.
It wasn't too much makeup.
Alexis got a nose job because she had something blocking her sinus.
It wasn't a nose job.
It was for medical reasons, you guys.
Yeah.
Jesus ordained it.
And she still got bruises here.
So this dumbass makeup artist tried to match the bruise color.
So she made her whole face look like her black face.
And Alexis didn't want to tell her, but she can't go out like that.
So Alexis was all embarrassed, and she's like, gosh, now I look like a drag queen.
I'm like, I hate to break it to you, Alexis.
It's not the makeup that's doing that.
Although she looks like the most womanly woman next to the real housewives of Atlanta.
Those are the real drag queens.
Those are my girls.
Actually, we were going to talk about
Don't Be Tired of the Weddings, speaking of Atlanta,
but I think before we get to that, I think
we have a question for Hannah
about the housewives of Orange County
and New Jersey, because since you are
our expert from VH1 here, which makes
you very famous.
We did do an OC parody. and New Jersey. Because since you are our expert from VH1 here, which makes you very famous, we're supposed to let you talk more.
We did do an OC parody.
Yeah, well, so our question is this,
which is, if we threw the Housewives of New Jersey
and the Housewives of Orange County
into the Hunger Games,
who would die?
And who would emerge victorious?
Yeah, put them in order.
Okay, you have to put them in order.
Tell us how the Hunger Games would play out.
And who killed them.
And how.
Because normally I spend a lot of time writing a sketch
instead of just doing it on the spot.
God, I think...
Then sing it.
Sing it.
Sing it and dance it?
Yeah.
PCD style.
I think...
I have to say I think Caroline Manzo
would be the victor.
She'd be the Katniss.
You think she'd be the victor? Yes. She's like the strongest woman. She be the victor. She'd be the Katniss. You think Katniss Everdeen?
Yes.
She's like the strongest woman.
She kind of looks slow.
I don't think we're asking.
Do you really see her
getting up a tree?
Getting up a tree.
Mental games.
Yeah.
She's, I think, the smartest.
Yeah.
Alexis is definitely
the first one out.
Yeah, she's the one
who gets killed
with the bumblebees.
She would kill herself.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Like, how does this work?
Oh!
She'd be going into the...
You know what?
Maybe, actually,
I take this all back.
Gretchen would win.
Yes.
Gretchen would win.
She's in good shape.
Yeah.
She and Tamara, I think,
would have, like, an alliance.
Yeah.
Take it to the end.
Well, then who would win?
Melissa Gorga would be,
like, a good third place.
She would be...
Yeah, Melissa would come close.
She'd be that girl with the daggers.
Melissa even has muscles in her boobs.
She's got muscles. She's jacked.
And I don't think she's that dumb.
No, I don't think so either actually.
I think she's smart.
But she's not Gretchen's smart.
Vicky would be
out pretty early.
I think Vicky just would refuse to early I think just because everyone
I think Vicky
just would refuse to play
she'd be like
I don't do this
I have to work
I have to work
I'm not fine
for all our games
she's like
do all these kids
have insurance
because if they're
going out there and die
they're leaving families
behind with no insurance
a helicopter would just
keep coming and
dropping her back
into the game
because her insurance
is so good
who else is there Teresa the game because our interns are so good.
Who else is there?
Teresa.
Teresa.
I can't believe, I just watched a couple Celebrity Apprentices, like I can't believe she's lasted that long.
She's going to win.
Wait, I haven't seen Last Night.
I didn't see Last Night either.
She's totally going to win.
She cannot win.
So stupid.
She is so stupid.
But she hasn't been mean to anybody.
Because she's like intimidated.
She hasn't had to spell any words.
That's why she's laughing so hard.
And she's intimidated by Aubrey O'Day.
He has a career.
But Aubrey has more Twitter followers than everybody on that show.
Okay.
Okay, so we don't have that much time left.
So why don't we just get right into Don't Be Fatality for the wedding.
Okay.
Is this show any good?
Do you guys like the show?
It's the show with Kim Zolciak planning her wedding.
I'm the only one who likes it.
I know Ronnie wants to kill himself.
I thought it was a snooze fest personally.
It's like, you know, you know when poor people win the lottery and they're like, yeah, I
won the lottery and then they're kind of cute to watch but then they end up in a box somewhere.
Yeah.
There's a glimmer of fun in that. That's how I feel. She's going to be in a box somewhere. There's a glimmer of fun in that.
That's how I feel.
She's going to be in a box somewhere.
Here's the thing.
Every now and then, Bravo thinks it's a great idea
to put on a show about planning someone's wedding.
I don't tune into Bravo for weddings.
I'm sorry.
I feel like you go to TLC or Oxygen for weddings.
But for me, I tune in for cattiness and wedding stuff.
Okay, as bad as the show
is, she did pull higher ratings
than The Candy Factory, which
Whoa. Did you watch The Candy
Factory? That's Candy's American
Idol. I would watch that. I wanted
to watch that. I know. You're a candy fan.
You know why? Because she wrote No Scrubs, and
I stand behind that song. She was one of nine
And I know there's some people in the audience
Nine!
I really like Candy.
I really like Candy Burris.
Glad we like Candy Burris.
I like Candy Burris.
Nine people wrote that fucking song.
Doesn't matter.
It was Candy's genius that took it over the edge.
Yeah.
I love Candy, you know.
I'll watch any show she does.
Except Candy Factory.
I watched it.
Here's a question.
Getting back to Charity for the Wedding.
Do we think that Kim's mom may have an eating disorder?
Yes. Of course. Did we see that?
That was not pleasant to look at.
Her mom was trying on dresses and it was like
skin and bones in a big
tulle white whatever. Well what about
Kim's youngest kid looking just like
the grandpa? Oh.
Isn't that creepy? Can we talk about
poor Ariana. Poor sweet Ariana.
This girl is an angel.
She does everything for her mom.
She cries out of joy
all the time.
And you know what
she gets in return?
Her mom shoves her
into a pool.
Ah, Ariana,
you're the fat one.
You know,
it's cruel.
The cameras were rolling.
Kim knows what she's doing.
She's making good TV.
Do we think she will
become corrupted?
Do we think that this will?
No, the little one?
No.
Brielle is a different story.
She's going to run wild. Brielle is a disaster.
Brielle, yeah. The little one's going to be the new Andy
Cohn. I hope so. But the other one,
that girl's going to be knocked up,
drugged out, dragged around,
hair missing, teeth missing. Brielle is going to have
a kid... That girl's going to be a mess.
Brielle's going to get pregnant at the same time as her mother, I'll tell you
that much.
What? She's going to get pregnant at the same time as her mother, I'll tell you that much. What? She's going to get pregnant at the same time as her mother?
Teen pregnancy.
Her mom's pregnant again, though, already.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm trying to make a searing social commentary here.
Here's the comment I want to make.
It's working.
It's working.
If you have three children and lots of implants, don't be wearing a wedding dress that's showing
your boob folds.
How come in her wedding dress, her boob's up here
and her skin's down here, and she's like,
yeah, tighten it. No, Kim, don't
do that. Don't. Stop.
Put on a shirt. Hashmina.
Hashmina wedding. She's not known
for necessarily her most logical decisions
in life, you know?
Now, here's another question I have.
So she brings in Colin Cowie, who's like,
always shows up on every reality show
to plan a wedding.
He must be a category expert.
I have never seen him before.
I haven't either.
He had a show.
He always is coming on to things.
Are you watching TLC?
Yeah, and he was on...
I thought he was like
the Outback guy.
He did Rob and Amber's wedding.
Oh, well, excuse me.
So the fact that you don't know that
shocks me.
Shocks me.
So anyway,
they had this plan where they were going to...
I'm in a hurry. It's time to end.
Oh, we're going to...
So they're going to...
Okay.
You know what?
It's not even an important point.
Because you know what?
The show sucks.
The show sucks.
Who cares?
I'm not even going to talk about it anymore.
Do we have anything else to talk about?
I don't think so.
I'm so sorry.
I shit on your Kim story.
It's okay.
I just watched that show.
I couldn't see anywhere it was going to go.
No, it's awesome.
All I can think about is one boob here and the rest of it.
It was like when you're trying to cook a chicken and you marinate it in some lemon and it starts separating from the bone.
I don't like that.
I just want to know why.
Speaking of, are we going to watch Around the World in 80 Plates?
I'm going to watch it, yeah.
That was a good segue.
I like it.
I like Around the World in 80 Plates.
I already have it chopped.
I think this looks good.
It's like Amazing Race and Food.
That's sort of how I'd like to live my life. Season 2?
I don't care about Rosie Pope or anything like that.
So yeah, I think that's pretty much it.
That was the only exciting stuff on Bravo
this week, I think.
I think.
Do you have anything?
I like how the podcast just sort of comes to a stand.
I do that at the end of every one.
I'm like, that story is stupid.
This is over.
You do say that.
Apathy is set in.
You can only talk about Bravo for so long
before you want to shoot yourself in the head, right?
So next time we do a live show,
that's it. look forward to it
everyone here in the audience is crying
shuffling out sadly
wear bras don't let your fake boobs
go over your boob hole
well I want to thank everyone so much
for coming out we actually have a crowd here
yeah thank you guys so much for being here
hopefully we'll get to do this again.
And it was really fun.
Thank you so much
for coming on, Hannah.
Yeah, and for having me.
Thank you so much.
Location.
Location.
Location.
What were you calling it before?
Lopatin.
Lopatin.
For three years
I've been calling her Lopatin.
Soon everyone's gonna know
how to pronounce it.
Yeah!
This podcast
is the first step.
Not my favorite.
Well, thanks for being here.
Thank you, I love you. Thank you, Vanessa. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you., thanks for being here. Thank you, everyone.
Thank you, Vanessa.
Thank you.
Thank you.
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