Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: Broken Bird. Literally

Episode Date: January 9, 2019

Lisa tries to figure out how to mend both James and an actual broken bird on this week's Vanderpump Rules, and Stassi and Ariana solidify their ice queen alliance with a joint birthday party. This week's bonus is about the Crappies, the Globes, and Kevin Hart. To hear it, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **Crappens Live has added a second show to Dallas on Feb 8, plus announced shows in Vancouver, Irvine, and Boston! Find ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com **New "Ben in the Streets, Ronnie in the Sheets" Limited Edition tees avail at www.CrappensMerch.com until Feb! Free shipping on orders of over $45 til Jan 22. You can also find store links and ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors. Just saying okay. Christy, wow, we're the dower-dee.

Asli, Savoni, she don't take nobeloni. Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low. Megan Bird, he can't have a burger without the bird. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Megan the Slayer Taylor. Sarah Greenwood only uses her power for good. Hannah, God I love that banana. Anderson!

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Kelly Grant the grant master give them hell miss Noel. Let's get racy with Miss Stacy Shannon out of a cannon Anthony the incredible edible Matthew sisters and Lizzie Drucker a fine mother. We love you guys. Hello and welcome to Watch My Crappings! The podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on Yeal Brahms. I'm Ronnie Caram, I'm also on the Rosefrix Bachelor Rose to podcast, which is back in bigger than ever! And here I am with my trusty co-host and bestie, Mr. Ben Maddlecare from the Real Housewares of Kitchen Island on L.Y.T.O.B.O.

Hi Ben! Hey what's up? I'm doing just great today. How are you? I'm doing pretty well, thanks. Just, you know, puttering along. Puttering along in life. Yeah, sometimes it's all you can ask from someone, okay? Well, welcome to a very special pump rules episode. It's very special because we felt just how to buy this episode on a personal level but before we get to that, a little brookanio birdenius, we have some live shows coming up.

We are sold out for a lot of stuff coming up this year. So go get your tickets, okay? We have a show in Dallas coming up February 8th. It's going to be amazing. We just decided we're going to recap. And that is the ever popular, the amazing below deck. It should be having its finale that week. That's our Friday show. Our Saturday show will be a classic Dallas episode. We're not sure which one. So get that one sold out anyway. So go get your tickets for the below deck recap. That is going to be wild. People are loving them show this year as are we. And then we are going to be in Vancouver for the just for last comedy festival. And that's the second part of February.

And then we are going to Boston, Massachusetts and Irvine. And we just announced a show in Portland, Oregon. Yeah, those tickets actually went on sale today. It's actually a pre-sale. It goes on sale for the public on Thursday, but if you want to get your tickets before they go on sale to the public, maybe NAB does VIPs before they're gone.

Just go to patreon.com slash watch our crappins. We also have a show on Phoenix. I don't know if you mentioned that. And the other thing is, hello on top of, on top of, below deck for Dallas, we also decided we're going to recap below deck for the first night in Charleston. So how exciting is that?

Yeah, we're going to have fun times. We're going to milk that below deck for all its worth. Yeah. And go get your t-shirts, bend into the streets, run into the sheets. Go get those over at crappinandsomerich.com or watch at crappinand.com. And that is it. Oh, we're gonna be doing live streams of our Thursday and Friday recaps this week, which are top chef,

Real Housewives of New Jersey and the top chef on Friday. Those are gonna be around noon, pacific time, and you can find those on the TV party app. So download that app and it will notify you when we are going live and That is that for plugging stuff. Hey, Ben. Hey, yeah, I'm excited about Portland by the way I'm very excited to be to be heading there with our little show Me glad I've never been there and people have been been telling us we need to come there We need to come there and now we are finally coming don't now we are finally coming. Don't say we don't listen.

Yeah, exactly. It's gonna be super exciting. We'll go to Powell's books. Okay, I'm down. I'll be like, where's your cancel section? Just kidding. I look like I'm going into really old bookstores and being like, ew, these books smell.

Are these real? Who uses these? What an antiquated technology. Yeah, do you have the iPhone version of that? Every private bookstore lover loves to hear. Yeah, I'm sure they would really appreciate that appellals. Well, previously on Vanderpump Rules, I'm in Ga-ya-ya-ya! So we've had a, I've had a real long break off from this show.

It was all about holidays. And then I was off for the holidays. The Monday, the last Monday that it aired and the lovely Laura Schainhall covered for me and did a brilliant job from what I heard. And I finally watched the episode and was just dying. I mean, I didn't get enough scoops. I'm, come on.

How did they make Raquel a hero? She's a piece of driftwood and my fucking love Rikela now. I know. I mean, she has like, uh, childhood, math related ice cream drama. That's a very, that's a, that's a very enduring quality in someone. I understand bullying because I didn't finish my multiplication table. I didn't get, I wasn't invited to the ice cream party so I had to be put in a room and watch movies Winnie the two oh Was that also the first episode where we oh was it?

But I think it was the first episode where we learned that Brittany was gonna be launching a beer cheese right? Or is that the second episode? No, we I was with you on the episode where we watched her and Jack with that fancy cheese store. And then they showed her making it. I think that week and the week I missed. And it's like a big frozen piece of velvita. Yeah. And and and Lauren and I were joking about how this idiot is starting up a beer cheese company and doesn't even know how to make the beer cheese yet. Yeah, well, or that they had to get permits and stuff. Yeah.

It was all, it was a mess, but it was great. Yes, I mean, every episode is kind of a gem. Yeah, but that was just special. I mean, it was like Rick Hell's origin story. And it also kind of explains where her personality came from. Like, she was so traumatized and sat in front of Winnie the Pooh. Because she is kind of Winnie the Pooh-ish. Like, I support you.

You know, she's probably just a little E-Orb too. She is a little E-Orb. She's like sort of a positive E-Orb. Yeah. You know, I never seen Winnie the Pooh. Oh my God. Just, I feel like you've seen so much. There's like a block There was something going on in your childhood that your parents are not showing you Mary Poppins and Winnie the Pooh

But I saw the what was it the about the four old ladies for work who are at a church who like solve the crimes Like the like the North Street like bandits or something like that, the North Street, North Avenue, something and others with chloroslegemon. Regular, the North Avenue regulars. I don't see that. Well, it's really worthwhile. But yeah, I did not- So you're just trying to trick me now.

You're just trying to get me up with the random shit that you know I haven't seen, just you'll feel better about your childhood. I don't think anyone has seen the North Avenue Errregulars. I don't think anyone has seen that, but I saw I watched it like 10 times in a row because there was like a Scene where they were like chasing people in cars and you know like when you're like Five years old and you see a car side swipe of fruit stand. It's like the play and sing you've ever seen I was like this is the most amazing movie. It's hilarious. Oh violence Hmm casual violence. Yeah, never have a fruit stand It's like the finest thing you've ever seen. I was like, this is the most amazing movie. It's hilarious. Oh violence Hmm casual violence. Yeah, never have a fruit stand

Kading fruit stand people never make it out alive in movies. I Know it's really it's it's a miracle. There aren't aren't more deaths Yeah, so we opened this week at Vandipop dogs Because unfortunately we open this week at Fanta Pop Dogs because unfortunately the UL Investible starts again today. And everyone's like, Woohoo! Must do a Navy seam! It's like no! It's the festival where they eat dogs. And they're like, Woohoo hot dogs! Now we have strange face tattoos that you won't be able to take off your face and We decided to come up with a catchy phrase that has no wit or word play involved. Stop the torture. I'm like, first you have a gay pride parade set in the 80s, which is the worst time ever

for gays, okay. And then you come up with a sticker that makes fun of Chef Joe's cooking. It's not not nice And still to stop the hate campaign. I mean come on Lisa really She's almost in our decade almost yeah, she's like we need dog lovers all over the planet to take their pictures With this tattoo and spread the words even Kristen Doodie. Get it! I like to give the world a coke in perfect harmony and stop you Lin and stop the torture.

Even Kristen. Doodie. Get it. Jouji. Get it. So, Jacks, of course, you know, nothing could just be about dog death for a day. So Jacks is telling everybody, I talked to Santa Boy yesterday and Lisa talked to James, I guess she let him go and Chris is like, oh, that damn time. The surrogotuses are shining down on me. I'm like I think the only thing that surrogadoses do is like urinate on those below them

You don't even work there anymore. Yeah. Yeah, she's too involved sick So James god that hurt my voice so James I know I'm sure and he's like Oh god that hurt my voice so James I know I'm gonna enter and he's like He tells us Kristen congrats you fucked my shit up again. Yeah again, but I'm not gonna miss this dog event for the world Meanwhile Raquel's just looking at the little face tattoos and it's like I'm glad that someone's finally standing up to ice cream exclusion Stop the torture. Lisa, may I suggest soft serve? No, Raquel, you're late.

No one served Raquel ice cream. How many times do we have to wash these poor dogs are killed? I'm sorry, I'm actually not good at multiplication. So I can't really answer a times question. So she and it comes in and say oh my god I'm gonna hang out with all of them. She thinks we're gonna buy Sino. And then and Wale is like giving James that nasty, like her nasty, dodie look. And she's like, ugh, just because you show up at a charity event with adorable puppy, doesn't mean you're a good person.

Charles Manson at dogs. He also had his own T-shirt line. So, he also had a lot of Instagram followers. He's actually sounding kind of good. He actually did get invited to the to the ice cream party. Rick Hell, sorry. I'm sorry. Charles Manson was a lot of things, but he wasn't someone who skipped out on scoops. Maybe you didn't learn about Charles Manson when you're watching. We the poo. Sorry. So Ariana and Stasi are over in a different section

of the dog pee smelling couch. And they're talking about being excited to have their joint birthday party. And you know, I'm not, I'm not liking this. Everybody just ganging up on James. And I'm not liking the Ariana just jumped on that team to ganging up on James. I don't like it.

Yeah. It's a little weird because it's odd because, yeah, I don't, I think that James, oddly enough, should not have been disinvited from the party because, gosh, I don't know. I don't know, because on the one hand, trying to come up with the reason. No, because I'm thinking on the one hand,

it's not a workplace, but then again, it is a workplace because it is being shot, but it's not a workplace. But then if someone like if Stasi is a co-host and she's would actually be uncomfortable by James being there, what she really wouldn't be, she's just doing it for Katie's sake, but if she doesn't want James there, I think probably in Ariana's case, like James James isn't like, it's not a hill

that she's willing to die on, you know? Which is, I don't know how I feel about that. I don't know if I'm willing to die on a hill to talk about Ariana's dying on a hill. You know what I'm saying? About James. Yeah, I don't know that anybody needs to die on a hill. I just think it's shitty.

Like, your friends with somebody one minute and then the next minute, your friends with these other girls who are notoriously manipulative and trying to get you not to hang out with whoever they don't like. They've done it every season. And now they're doing it to James. Now James, of course, did call Katie fat. So, you know, but maybe James should know that Ariana in that position.

Yeah, that's true. You know, like, like, I don't know. It's sort of like, if you're like Jackson anywhere, you know what I mean? That's my rule. That's, that's true. You know, like, like, it's sort of like, it's just Jackson anywhere. You know what I mean? That's my rule. That's, that's the biggest problem. Yeah. If Jackson allowed to even roam the earth, then James can do whatever he wants. That's what I see. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I, I mean, I do think actually ultimately, James, I think I feel like you, I don't, I, I think it's actually an extremely great area because I'm like on the one hand, yeah, you're right. Like, you know, it's Ariana's friend

and she should be invited, she should be allowed to invite James, they stay on separate section. Like, like they send separate sized party, like James or whatever. And then if he acts up, he gets kicked out and that's supposed to be made, there should be made very clear. But at the same time, he did say some shit

that like maybe even Ariana, it's like, you know what, you are my friend, but did say some shit that like maybe even Ariana, it's like, you know what, you are my friend, but you said some shit that I can't condone and I can't like, I can't support that at my party. I don't know. Okay, well, I think it's a great area. It's one of the many nuances of Antibomb Bruce. I think they're being dex in this situation. So Lisa, she pulls James over. She's like, James come here. I'm taking time out of my busy, busy, busy schedule. I don't have time, but I would love to talk to you about your drinking. And he's like, not a set, Lisa, not a set in 27 hours and two. I'm like,

oh, my God, this is not going well. Yeah. So she says that she's gonna meet with James' mom because she's gonna tell James' mom to support him more, at least it's like, you know, he came into this restaurant, it's a wee 20-year-old with dreams of becoming a DJ at Coachella Islands. We've on the one hand, he's surpassed that by starting. See you next Tuesday at Sir. But on your hand, I feel like a person of failure. Sometimes I shouldn't be as involved, but you can't tell if it when you see so many broken birds. I saw him the first time I said there's a man with semi-crossed eyes and a dimple the size of a cereal bowl on his chin.

I thought he was destined for great success. Unfortunately his wings were clipped on his way to Coachella. The first time I saw him I thought, what a large lolly turns out he was a bus boy. I said, I heard that lolly pop to bust these tables. We'll turn them into a DJ yet. And then we had DJ lolly pop. What was I talking about? That's actually catchy. DJ lolly pop. Well, there is someone named Marshmallows. So you never know. So Ariana's like, ugh, my stomach hurts,

I don't wanna kick him out, it's for Kel a lot to come. It's us, he's like, yeah, cause I knew your friends were through her, so what am I? So, Ariana's like, hey James, can we talk for a second about the party on Saturday? There's people who are gonna be there who don't feel comfortable

given their pest and her. And he's like, oh, she's just inviting me. And then he starts doing that crying thing. He's like, I put a boat, I put a boat. I don't even remember my actions. I cried my past and really terrible short, short pass. And I thought Ariana was more of a leader. Guess she's more of a follower.

Guess that's it. I'm like, good leader follower burn. Yeah. And, you know, my hate piling on James in this situation because broken bed, but he's like, Katie already got me fired. It says he's like, you got yourself fired. I was like, Katie literally got him fired. Yeah. I get that he did the actions that got him fired, but they wouldn't have got him fired without Katie. And Katie doesn't even work there. Yeah. I know. I know. So let's see. So Lala Lala. So now,

Dr. which is like another, yeah, another foe feminism scene from Lala with John. It's a John does feminism scene. Yeah. So Lala and Bernier are getting a booty smoothie, which is apparently one of Lala's most favorite things. And she's like, she's basically goes,

you know, a female booty goes through a lot. We are sitting on Toysi. It's we're getting banged from behind. Like, it takes a beating. I'm like, I hate to break it to you, but I think most people sit on a Toysi at least one time a day, if not a few times. Now getting banged from behind, that's another story.

Yeah. My man is an Asman, An a vagina man, and a tit man, and an a notary man, and a weeness man, and a bend of the arm man. He's just my man. Yeah. Just a man. That's just what he is.

Rand is like such a man. He just like all the holes and indents on my body. So they're like in their towel. They get there like, they basically get like, a literally a facial, but on their butt, which actually looks really nice. I kind of want to get one myself, even though I don't really feel like I have any issues,

but I feel like there's no. At the same time, it is clearly something that was so LA and invented, like there's, I can't imagine that, a booty facial really makes that much of difference because, as Lala said, you get that facial dawn and next you know you're slapping it right onto a toilet seat. But either way, so they're sitting there afterward, they're in there with these white towels and Lala's like, hey, excuse you, Brett, you look pretty and Brett's like, oh, do I look pretty in my app because I'm gonna be a brad?

Like seriously? Can we throw her in a river? I mean, this is too much. Ha ha ha. And Lala comes in, you know, doing some bone carrying. She's like, um, so yeah. Has anybody said anything to you? Like, if you're worried, and Brittany's like,

about what, cheese? We fans are good cheese. We found gowdum, bowdum, sweet yes, chaedar. Um, um, monster cheese. I mean, Brittney listing off Jesus has to be one of my favorite Vanderpump moments of all time. That was from last week and that was a moment

that was cracking. When she listed off like shredded, string, and wow, da, she is. MAPS RULOS. I'm like, OK, Brittney. Calbee, Calay. So. Calay.

Rom to lie. Brie, Larson. So, yeah. So, um, so long. Yeah, so long. Starting shit. And she's like, is anybody telling, you know, are you worried about Jackson? Then Brittany's like, well, just because we're in gay age, doesn't mean I'm looking gay, Steve, you know, yet. And she's like, well, Santa Follas talked about how like, Jack's just on this dead dad trip.

And I'm like, just totally doing this because of his dad. I'm just like, oh, but then Lala, did you notice during this conversation, Lala was prompting Britney to talk, but then Lala would just stare off and just was like, what am I even doing here? Yeah. I think, yeah, I think she's like, I was just like, can film festival two weeks go with the brand and now I'm here getting a booty facial I'm pretending like I care about Britney's relationship

Clearly dead end relationship. Yeah, so yeah, I was in the row. So Yeah, I wasn't pitching love and catching faith so Yeah, so Britney is like like like you said she's like, I'm not look just because we're in gay Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's done. I'm not, look, just because we're in gay, yay, yay, yay, she does, I'm not looking to pass everything he's ever done because that's not what I'm doing at all. I'm just looking past everything he's ever done. And by the way, please don't talk about being

in a movie called Catch and Face. That is not very nice. Oh. That was not, that was sort of, my feelings are a little hurt by you bringing that up. Her feelings are always like a little bit hurt. So she's like, she's like, the thing is that ever since,

it's not that JX is dead, his dad, he's on this whole dead thing, but I do think that he's really changed. It feels like we're in like a brand new relationship. It feels like we just like started dating for the first time, like just like yesterday. I'm like, bitch, then why are you engaged? You just, you just started to fresh with Jack's, you point out.

I'm gonna follow my heart. And then she just stares at her diamond ring. Like, yeah, that's not where your heart is. Okay. You know, I'm just a little bit herrurt. They get how many Ariana were talking about my relationship and such. Because like, Jay, X is gonna be my real family. He's like gonna be the bear to my cheese, you know?

He's gonna be the Monterey to my, my, my, my chick. Where I come from, you know you're getting ready to get married when you're getting married to family, okay? So I know that this is right. I just wanna say that my friend Sylvia's in the next room because she has to do work in my living room because of some issue with trees in her place and she just texted me saying, what the fuck is going on in there?

Oh, welcome to the podcast. So why does everybody always avoid talking about Lala? You know, I know that Lala took shit the first season, but now Lala has a private jet, so everybody's just leaving her alone. Why does nobody ask Lala why her face looks tie-died? Look who put on her face, a ceiling fan, and she looks crazy.

The body's like pale white, and then her face is like three different colors of burnt sienna, all swirled together like a frozen yogurt Helper figure sound delicious actually Well, apparently she just got a house in the hills. I'm sure she is delicious, but girl This she's T.C. BL this country's best Lala So the song now right after this scene of Jackson's never gonna be okay, right? We're family is the song by chick c monical

That's that's appropriate And it's also appropriate to segue to Stasi and though who are we see them at home And it's also appropriate to segue to Stasi and Bo who are at we see them at home. Stasi's in her kitchen. I noticed that she has a stand mixer. I feel like what does Stasi use a stand mixer for? Does she make like frozen that or something? Like I can't imagine Stasi actually ever making a dough. I feel like she'd be there.

But as a girl who shops in Target a lot, let me just say there's something there's an allure to the stand mixer. And you know that Stasi watches a lot in Netflix and we're all pulled in at some point or another into that fucking great British British baking show. Yes. And everyone gets a mixer. I've had three mixers and I keep selling them. And I'm like, I don't need a mixer. What am I doing? I finally got my mixer sometime last year and I was like, do I really need this? And honestly, it's been a joy every time I it's not like I need it every day, but those times I do need it I'm like, thank God for this mixer. Yeah, thanks mixer. But I'm just imagining Stasi just using it for totally wrong reasons like I imagine her doing like raffles with it

She puts in a bunch of like ping pong balls with numbers and she just like sets the the whisk to go and like The balls just conflying out. She just doesn't even understand what it's for. Her mom gave it to her. Here, you'll need this. My mom got me a glove dryer and she puts her glove on the little biscuits that's been around. The book comes over and he's like, Oh, he's the only Chete for Falle from Togo, and the Rick Tony, yeah, we went to Italy and he took me to grave yards. It was like the most romantic thing. Romantic, a a-ha. Yeah, she was saying, and then she compared his bow

to Patrick and she's like, you know, like what's nice about that bow is that he doesn't say condescending big words were big words to me condescendingly. It was your flashback of Patrick saying galvanizing in myopic. And I'm like, yes, Patrick was very condescending and he was a dude. She was a huge dude. She came in like a very significant second place to Thomas Ravenell in our copies. But that being said, I can't

get behind galvanizing and myopic being like crazy big words. Yeah, I'm still not sure what myopic means really. I feel like it's kind of, it's to do with vision, right? Yeah, see? You see, I got some of it, but I'd still be like, what? Yeah, it's like, yeah, you basically can't see very well. It's like, it's like, yeah. Anyway, that was just, yeah, learning something today, guys.

Yeah, that's me being a lead us. I've shame Stasi for her stand mixer and not knowing what the word galvanizing in my epic mean. So she's like, I'm so excited about being 30, because I'm a woman when I'm 30. And I'm like, oh, no, here she goes on her 30 trip. Look, I'm still going on my 40 trip And I'm 43. Yeah, I'm like, but I'm 43 so you have to listen to me and

People really think that people listen to you more when you're older, but guess what? They listen to you less and less Yeah, yeah, I feel very insignificant now that I'm 40 Very I mean no offense. It's not you. No, I am. It's just the world, you know, and suddenly like you're in basking Robbins and they just skip your number and you're like, wait a minute. I know they didn't call my number. I mean, like there's literally an age bracket that is known as the coveted age bracket of like, what is it?

22 to 35 or something like that, you know, it's like they literally call it the coveted age bracket. Like I am, we are not in a coveted age bracket. We are uncovited. Yeah, we're uncovited. So she's talking about like how amazing it is and that she's an adult. And she's like, I feel soup's grown up now. And he's just looking at her like, yeah, that's not an adult. But I am going to work Christmas light sliders and outfits. So I'll keep quiet. I feel soup's growing up right now as she like plunges her margarita glass into her stand mixer. Refel.

So. So now we go over to see them Marina. I mean, if that's not a spin off, I don't know what it is. She's in the Marina. She and I in the Marina coming to my TV. in the marina coming to my state, baby. Mm-hmm. So she's in her apartment and she's conned Adam into making a day bet for her.

And they're just kind of like stumped by what the notion of a day bet is. I mean, to be fair, I am too. But it's more funny when they are stumped by it, I think. I think it's so cute that even people even named it that. I just call it the bed. Okay. I mean, I have an all day and all night bed.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. 24 hour bed. And she's like, first of all, this apartment is so marina. And you know, it's like $5,000. Yeah.

Because you see boats. And there's just crap all over the bathroom because it's Gina. And she's like, I'm sorry, I'm going to draw a million dollars. I'm going to draw a million. He's like, oh, no, thank you. Gina, she has been starring in that play like sex tips for straight women from gay man or whatever. And clearly what she's learned from it is clunky seduction. She's like, well, I hope you don't have too much of a hard time putting together the day bed,

because I'm gonna go sit on the night bed and then maybe masturbate. So, it's like, um, she now. I'm gonna take a shower in your juice ass. He's like, gross. Stop. Is it too warm in here? I'll lower the temperature to 69 degrees, which is, which is reminiscent of my favorite sexual position 69. Get it. When I'm done with my shower, I want to make you a nice talk. What's up vagina? Hey, I hope I hope putting this together as a breeze because I like breeze as they blow through here You know what else blows through here blow jobs, which I can give you right now Sheena you're really forcing this

So she's like I really like him, but they told me all the time I don't want to be in a relationship and I would take it further But he says he doesn't want a relationship But Adam doesn't give a relationship. But Adam doesn't give me stocks, but maybe one time I'll say, he's like, he's always in the back. Yeah. Sheena, he is literally playing with your cat toy right now. He's like patting it between his hands back and forth. I'm Sina and Marina.

Sina and Marina. You drive a car. Sina, don't run. If you have a car and then you sit on the penis, get it out of him. He's like, oh, another sex joke. Her next her neighbor is David Leisure. So she has a sunglasses rack in her room and it's just so cheap. It's so she now. It's like if you can't have a barclang, if you can't have matching

barclangers with big gold holders, then please get a plastic gas station sunglasses rack. I know. Philips Cynthia Bailey. I wear. Yeah. It's all $5 eyeglasses and they're all the same. Just weird. Yeah. It's all $5 eyeglasses and they're all the same. It's just weird. Yeah. Oh, she never changed, never changed. She's like, what are you at choreographer?

Because you make my vagina dance! Oh my god, don't get near me. I might prick you because I'm horny. I got horns, but I'm horny. What do you want to do today? I'll put together a day, but K. Why? Because you asked me to K. Why? I hope they know earthquakes. I hope they're earthquakes here because this this place might really shake a lot

It's be like a vibrator get it get at them vibrator Hey to someone order some chicken? Cause I'm ready to get poked. My favorite, my favorite vegan restaurant is called Doomy's Home Cooking. Do you like that place? It's called Doomy. Doomy.

Doomy. So stupid. So they're talking about the party and she's like, I just, some we're gonna go like, oh that's what's our Thanks, do you want to get a prize? She's like, yeah, I guess it's like a white a white walker thing and she goes, what Katie is going As which is so funny Okay, I mean that's so funny. That's pretty much what the whole cast is going as yeah Katie ended up sewing up like Ned Stark as a white walker She was she was wearing that big bear jacket

I wrote down that she looked like she was from north of the wall, which is not a good look That's not not a good thing if you're north of the wall and then I was so proud of myself that I even was able to make that reference Yeah, babe. We've come so far. Look at that. I could take north of the wall and make sense So Adam's like you don't watch game of thrones she knows, I could take North of the Wallet and make sense. So Adam's like, you don't watch Game of Thrones, she knows, like, I know, remember we had the discussion. He thought, that was my only flaw. Nuh-uh.

Nuh-uh. I love that she like buzzed herself off. Nuh-uh. It's like she was on a game show and she just buzzed herself. My only flaw is, she's just playing the Sheena Web game. It's just like her raising up signs about herself. My only flaw is I don't watch Game of Thrones. All right, Sheena, and what did you say? What was the answer? And she lifts up her own thing. It says, I don't watch Game of

Thrones. Oh my god, I got it right. Tom Tom. Lisa's there are superving various construction things. And then she's like talking to various workers. And James' mom, Jacqueline, comes over. And she meets up with Lisa, and then the like, this worker's leaving. And he's like, thanks Lisa.

And she gets, she sort of like looks in like, who is that person talking to me? She just goes, uh, uh, yeah, yeah. She's sort of like looks in like who is that person talking to me. She's cuz All right, yeah, yeah, she's like strange non-rich person talking to me who's not cast member of television show Hello, Deskami Saddo This is the poor people in the vita Don't cry for me, Jacqueline. Oh my God.

Does his mom look just like Kristen to you? Because she looks like a worn out Kristen to me. And I looked on Facebook last night and someone else said that too. And I was like, oh my God, it's not just me. It's creepy to me how much she looks like Kristen. She looks a little bit like Kristen and she looks a little bit like a cartoon bug. In like a cartoon bug. And like a cute way, like, you know, that, remember that movie, bugs, a bug's tail,

bugs world or whatever, bugs life? A bug's life. She looks like she could be, yeah, she's like one of those, like a Pixar bug, a cute Pixar bug, like she could be a dragonfly. She could be a Pixar Kristen bug. Yeah. The keeps dropping the watermelon.

Look at that. Yeah. God, that can't play with others. She looks like a dragonfly who like comes in and warms the ant. Don't go the outside world. It's scary out there and then someone like coughs and she gets startled and drops something. There's exposed news So Jackson's like so any who now months over and he's like, oh, congratulations. I can see a difference You're looking less like Christian and more like that adorable dragonfly

Instead of looking like a garbage toilet you look like a clean floor flush toilet. It's like thanks. She's like, it's really like the biggest change in my life, Lisa. Like the biggest change in my life. She's like, oh, but yes, isn't that something to be proud of? Now, I wanted to see you because I'm concerned about Jamesy Wainsey, little broken token. He has an unbelievable disrespect for women.

Okay, I need you to stop right there. Whenever someone says that, I'm always like, uh, no, no, this is never, whenever someone says I need you to stop right there, I always get so mad. I'm like, no, they don't need to stop right there. You need to stop right there, crossing guard of conversation.

No. So she goes, I get that there's this whole movement of women, but when women come at my son, where does James go to? Like, if women attack him, how does he defend himself? People revoke him. I'm like, oh my God, lady. Yeah, that's where he gets it. You can see what he comes from, you know? And so that's another problem that we have, because then here you come with James, and you see where it's coming from, but at what point does that stop being an excuse? You know?

And I don't know. Yeah, I mean, there's obviously, you know, like he's learned of victimization from his mother, obviously here, like this sort of like inability to have accountability. That's having like some sort of motivational, yeah. And so That's having like, but some sort of like motivational. Yeah. But like, where does he go to? And she goes, well, he drinks way too much.

And she's like, that is not what we're talking about right now, Lisa. I'm like, listen here, Kristen. Listen to your future, Kristen. You better watch your fucking face. Okay. You better watch it because you're about to lose it. And Lisa's like, well, he's different when he drinks too much because, but when they provoke him, Lisa, he is 26 years old.

Yeah, such a young baby. And he's taking care of your lame ass. He won't get a job. Yeah. How dare you. Exactly. Exactly. You and that father, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Yeah. The provoking thing that does not work, that does not work. Because guess what he does? He provokes them too. So there it's mood, it's a mood point now, based on what I say. So now Lisa's like, well, guess what? Surprise twist. He's lost his job. He's one so weak job. He lost his job that supports his own family as a bus boy. Like, wait a minute. And the gentleman's like, you fired him. And then she starts to cry and she's like, what?

What set him up? Because of no one set him up. He's not going to set himself off. I'm like, actually, it's called alcohols. What sets him off? He can see like a dust might be like, oh yeah, you think it's so special, dust might? You think it's so special? Being a little dust, I guess what you should be, you think it's a special dust might you think it's a special being a little dust

Guess what you must be I did my little dirt my hey old dust my boy little dusty dirt your dust of a John That's why it's like James. Why are you yelling at the dust? Boney So she's like what happened Lisa? What would he do? And she like wow, it goes wrangles your slat your a ho You're okay. You're trash. And she's like,

what would they do? And she's like, you're defending his actions. She goes, no, I'm not Lisa. We are not talking about that now. I'm humbly arguing with you. So Lisa's basilar.

James needs to be in therapy and he needs to be controlling his anger. And Jacqueline has to tell him that he's never allowed to talk to women that way. And so, Jacqueline goes, well, I'm working up the nerve to be able to have balls towards him because I made so many mistakes. And I was so ashamed as a mother.

I'm like, really? Like, who would have thought? Who would have thought you made so many mistakes? Your son has like been documented, guzzlingball and calling them and out for having summer bodies Oh my gosh, the worst the mother stole Christian's credit card and went and got Botox for like $400 That's true. She said on camera. That's well. That's what I heard from bravo real housewives on reddit Wow, that's the boss. So that's a legit don't zoom me because I just read it on reddit Now I see where that name comes from

But yeah, she is trash and then she came on TV and said that Kristen Kristen's karma is that she'll always be barren. I mean what kind of fucking monster is she did say that? Yeah, she's been horrible and she also throws James under the bus here because she says she's working at the nerve like he said. She goes, because I made so many mistakes that I allowed him to speak to me like that Lisa. I'm like, oh, okay. So now you're the real victim here.

Tra! Well, yeah. And I mean, obviously this woman's a monster, right? I mean, she basically like raised a spoiled ass child. I shouldn't say she's a monster. Boy, I'm spoiled. Well, if he was talking to her that way, then he was spoiled in a certain way.

He was spoiled with entitlement. The entitlement that he could think he can speak to his mother that way. Admittedly, she also was grappling without callism, which is no joke. And that's a serious thing. And that is probably a huge part of this equation. And I'm not going to make fun of her

or get on my soapbox about that. But the truth is, you know, I mean, like, how did she, like, let her son just talk to her like that? She basically, she raised, she raised, I don't know, James is actually one of the most fascinating people on television because as I'm even mid-setting saying this stuff, then I start to have this reversal and like she raised this monster. He's a monster, but then like the shit that he had to grow up in. I mean, he was teased mercilessly, but these kids that broke his arm in school,

his ears and everything like that, and it goes home to his dysfunctional family, his mom's drinking, and there's weird boundaries that are said. He's probably unleashing his anger from school at home on her and she says nothing It's so fucked up like I go back and forth between just being like These people raised a monster to like oh my god this poor child this poor person, you know I don't even know what I don't even I don't even have a point of view on James anymore. I can't tell I don't know what yeah I don't know what's what of view on James anymore. I can't tell. I don't know what. I don't know what's what. Well, the mom is like freaking out. She's like, Lisa, please let him keep doing this.

If you take everything away from him, I don't know what he'll do. It's kicking some of them while they're down. I'm like, yeah. No, that's, this is how you got into the problem right here. It's not kicking while he's down. He's down. He wasn't down until he was kicked out of the job. So it's not kicking when he's down

Because this is the down thing who run over people and then they're like that person jumped in front of my car And it's like that. Yeah, no, it's like that person was in the crosswalk. This is a road Yeah Exactly. No, no, she like this is not kicking him when he's down. This is like You know, we is not kicking him when he's down. This is like, you know, we had a whole conversation in, you know, Lauren and I, when you were gone about the situation with James, and she was sort of of a mindset that like,

she was actually on James's side, and she felt like Katie was basically using this to black ball James, and I was like, I don't see how I'm totally with that. She is, but ultimately I still don't think that it's appropriate that james today the things that he said to katie regardless so totally baited him and she's trying to use this woman's movement as like her

storyline and she's an asshole and she's on twitter hinting that some she's been abused and she's has checking things consent like james abused her or something i mean katie's trash too so i've never liked liked Katie and everybody knows that I have an issue with Katie. I don't like her. She makes me nuts. I mean, not in real life, obviously, I don't know her,

but on this show she makes me crazy. So she totally baited him, but he took the bait, you know? It's like winter fish. But he's gonna get smarter. You know, you catch a fish and you're like, still you guys are falling for this. When people throw you back, don't you go tell the rest of your family that this is gonna happen.

Like Katie's a shark, okay? Yeah, but the thing is this though, still like he can't say that shit. Like he's still being ridiculous. Like even if he took the bait, it wasn't just that he said that he's so over the top and so obnoxious when he's drunk and this beast of comes out Like of course he's of course he's got to lose his job. I'm sorry

He has to and so when the mom is like don't kick him while he's down It's like no This is the consequence of his actions. This is what consequences are lady Yeah, and if you don't want them to kick him when he's down then tell them to stand up So they can kick him. Let me please But then I'm also laughing by the way because like the woman just like begging that her son can have his DJ night but the pizza stop in it was like hilarious to me like back there bills you know well yes that's that's so bad that's so bad yeah but they're also acting like this job is

he was just like kicked off of the Los Angeles Lakers. Like some amazing opportunity. I'm gonna have this hedge fund. Please, Lisa, please. She's like, well, that pizza oven is going to have to warm someone else's Tushy and into the DJ stand for a little while. Just so over the top. And then she goes, Lisa, you are his mother figure.

She goes, no, you're his mother figure she goes no your is mother figure right Idiot so then we go to the Christmas party store where the girls are shopping for creepy Santa's for the winter party Yeah, that's pretty they are basically like there. Yeah, they're just like babbling about turning stops It's talking about turning 30 and how she's like, I can't have birthday and meltdowns anymore. Oh my god, I am. And then she's like, I am past my birthday and meltdowns. She's like, oh, proud. But you know, though, speaking of Winter Wonderland stores, Rondle, you know, it is winter right now. This was filmed in the summer, but it's winter right now. It's January. And I think it's a good time to be talking about New Year's resolutions.

And my New Year's resolution is to eat healthier or try to or just have better ingredients in the things that I eat or just to cook for myself more red and going out, which is why it's so... Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown all are, we will be your resident not so expert experts.

Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you'd like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world,

listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. Perfect, that we have Green Chef to talk about. Am I right? Am I right? Yes, of course, Green Chef is a USDA certified organic company that includes everything you need to easily cook delicious meals that you can feel good about, Ben. Yes!

Seriously? Recipes are quick and easy with step-by-step instructions, chef tips, and photos to guide you along! Mmm! Grinch Chef, expert chefs, design recipes with gourmet flavor you typically only find it restaurants. J-A-A-X with Grinch A-A-F it's easy to maintain a specialty diet and enjoy exciting new options especially if you're a bride to me like me. Grinchef thinks dinner should be planned to rant your life not the other way around. Don't be no A. So we have indulged in the green chef experience several times. I really, really love it. I remember Ronnie, you texted me and you were like,

oh my god, this is amazing. I love some green chef. Yeah, I've been, I've been eating it for the past few weeks right in the row. I get it for myself. Oh, I love it. I hate going to the store, but I'd love to pick. And I've learned to make a lot of new things, you know?

Yeah, I'm a new vegetarian, so they are helping me with that. One thing that's actually really cool about green chip is that they have meal plans for like paleo, vegan, vegetarian, keto, gluten-free, omnivore, and carnivore. I have so many friends doing keto, and I've even thought about doing keto. And so, but the one, one of the reasons why I have not done keto is because I'm like, it just seems so hard.

So it's super cool that they actually have, they can just send you keto boxes. For $50 off your first box of green chef, go to greenchef.us slash crappins. That's greenchef.us slash crapp is for fifty dollars off your first box of green chef. Woohoo! Yeah, people should do that because it's my fucking birthday! Okay, so next up, we have Tom and Tom going to visit at least a Vanderpump at Villa Rosa.

Oh my god, this is the scene. I don't know if we've ever had so many texts and tweets and messages. This was the scene of all scenes for crap and this is the moment that all our listeners came together across the country, across the world and gave each other an invisible hug because the scene starts with Lisa with a literal broken bird in her hands.

Oh, Ken, bad. And you know, it's going to be a fairy tale, like seen, because as the Tom's are walking up, Tom twos like, wow, this is like the yellow brick road. Yeah, he's well, it's kind of appropriate because Tom number two is sort of scaracrow, ask. Yeah.

And Vanderprost in the backyard with a little bird, and she's like, this little bird flew into the house at the end of the window. I was expecting Linda to come in. Linda from Orange County, I was like, oh yeah, Lisa, that happens. You know, they just hit the windows. What can you do? They just birds, you know? I don't know why I know that I was put on this earth to help every little wounded bird that comes my way Sometimes they turn around and slap me with an old of branch Andy pretty

I was at that point. I was like oh my god. She came so close the same broken bird She said wounded bird. I was like that's so god, she came so close the same broken bird. She said wounded bird I was like, that's so rude. She came so close, but then she goes talking of broken bird It happened. Listen here my little broken bird Stop tweeting at the other birds at the horse. Where I'm going to have to let you go Now go clean the mop water. So then the yes, at least it's like, so talking at broken birds, Tom, you're the only one who sees James as someone who's struggling at which point the bird is like, you know, I don't want to be part

of this conversation. It just like hops up on her chest and she's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, and then just like, she's like, all right, I'm gonna set you free. Lisa's like, no way. She can nurse a bird back to health just by putting it on her bosom. Except the difference is that Snow White has these beautiful little like blue birds and whatever. And Lisa just has like some nasty as browns sparrow sparrow like when the generic birds you see on a sidewalk

well they're the ones that need me next stop crackle grandville oh so vandiprums like I think that James is let's mix the metaphors he's a broken bird and a puppy about to be made into a taco. I think he just needs someone to grab the scruff of his neck and pull him up, put him in his bosom and say, I love you. Now fly, dog, and throw him off the roof and see if he can make it. Surely that puppy bird could fly far, far away. Did you just kill a puppy in your example of saving James? I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure that Ulynn is now going to be serving

puppy burritos with pico de burdo. I don't know, I'm sorry Ronnie, I'm sorry you deserve better than that. You deserve better than that. I deserve better than that. You go to burn out. This is what's happening. I'm like, honestly, I'm barely functioning right now, everyone. I'm just going to lay it out there. I had a very large breakfast sandwich and it put me into a food coma and I'm just trying to get through, just trying to get my brain clicking.

Alright, well let's get moving along. There's a lot that happened in this show. So Tom number two still can't count. He's like, I'm really good with math. There's 50 shirts. He's like, I'm this naught, there's 100 shirts. And he's like, I counted it all, do him again. One, two, 18, 50, one, five, nine.

She's like, it's wrong, Steve. I love that also his version of Matt. Like, like his, when she asked him to count up the shirts, he's like, oh gosh, Baba, since I can remember, I've always loved math. I'm like, that is, I'm not even sure that counting shirts, that barely even qualifies as, and that's like the most basic level of math

just counting things. Yeah. And that this is like, he's like, it was specially equipped to count things because he's always love math. He's like, how many shirts are there? How good am I? Calculus. It's like, oh, good.

Okay, so they're getting the party set up. And by they, I mean, Jeremy. Yeah, Jeremy's like doing everything. He's like, he's like lifting, he's like hauling out tables and rolling out spools of wire and I don't know I mean, it's like lifting up but like there's like a crack in the foundation of the house and like lifts it up with his hands And like kicks him dirt in there to suck sure it up. He's just like So I was like this is a croot effort. Chris and got the house Jeremy is doing stuff. I don't even understand like who cares literally. I mean everyone's doing their part

and then we see Carter on the couch with her VR thing on his face like the yeah, he's doing like an Oculus Rift Yeah, so most he's done all season. I know it literally is I feel like and you know that he's just playing like a super boring game on there. He's like literally playing like And you know that he's just playing like a super boring game on there. He's like literally playing like Virtual reality majong and like through the pieces are missing. Yeah, they get they need to get a Virtual reality LinkedIn game so you can get his ass of job Yeah, they're getting their hair done and they've decided to do everything the same so they won't out hot each other Yeah Which is really that's one of the nicest things that's ever happened on the show,

you know? But it's also one of the most disappointing, you know? Like, this is not a show. We don't tune in to Vanderpump rules to watch two girls make a pact to not out-hot each other. Yeah. But thanks, Oli. Kristen's there to break them a-not mean, because she sees an ice sculpture and she's like this is next level shit Oh god, I want to see your going house hunters That fucking popcorn ceilings So um so so then Britney's getting her makeup done and Jack shows up and she's like you said my fiance that I hear I'm like, is that my fiance that I hear? I'm like, oh my God.

Is that my honey, bunny, bunny, dun, dun, dun? Oh, come here, give me some kiss. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, be one of those people. And God forbid, honestly, I feel bad for everyone, for when she finally has a baby, she will not shut up. First of all, everything's just gonna be a discussion about bibs and pooping and songs that she's like,

you know what songs I really like? Actually, really like those songs that they play on Nick Jr. I know it's for the kids, but I actually kinda like them too. It's like thanks, thanks. I really care. Hey, we've ever Taylor Swift. I got the Wiggles now.

You know what movie I was actually really good at is the UG love movie? It was good. She's going to be one of those people who's like, I'm talking to my baby wallets in my tongue-times. She actually has a bowl of tongues that she's gonna plunge her baby into Yeah, she's and Jackson's just like hey, and she's like so I just wanted to tell you something real fast I guess every Anna in 10 y'all more saying that they didn't if you were gonna try and y'all ain't and they were afraid you're this marry me Cuz you're dead day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he's like well. I can't believe they would say that Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's like, well, I can't believe they would say that. Especially Tom. What right does he have a question me? I would never question him about the why Ariana won't marry him.

And they're just jealous when someone's doing better than them. I love that. I love like all the massive blind spots in Jackson's perspective. When he's like, what right does Tom have to question me? I'm marrying Bernie. Well, you slept with his girlfriend. So I think I think that Guism of Forever Right to question your motives at all times. Yeah.

He's like, I would never say anything about him and Arianna, but she's never going to marry him. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. That's a classic, Jacks. So then we go over to James and Raquel's apartment and James is just doing dishes Puddling around much like I was at the top of the podcast and like there's like a knock on the door

Or the doorbell whatever and there's Lisa Vanderpump. Hello, I'm at your door. It's me Nani Kay So he like Let's her in she looks so uncomfortable in this one bedroom apartment She like doesn't know what to do with herself. She's like so so what a lovely for you have where is the rest of your estate? What a lovely place to keep your shoes I'm so happy to finally see your closet. Please take me into the rest of your state James is like Lisa. This is it The Queen of England commented visit the peasants and the peasants and

the old tower. I know my caps clean, but I wanted to put down a tea towel for to sit on. Unfortunately, I only had the one from Katie and I've already cleaned up a dog sit with that from the past two years. Yeah, it was, it did remind me of when Dame Judy D'Angelo played Queen Elizabeth and like walked through mud and she experienced love. She's like, I'll get on with it. But I will say it was also like, I was like so mad that we didn't

get to see Lisa on the streets down below because I think we all remember when she and she took, she and Ken took Max to like the Hollywood music academy or whatever on Hollywood Boulevard. She's like, we're going to look at your new school. And when they walked around on like on Hollywood Boulevard for like all of like five pieces, they were acting as if they were in a third world country. Like, look at Pablo English. Sir, you know, they were like so confused.

Like there's non Beverly Hills thing that was literally like two miles away from where they live. They were like, what? Is this so? Now, James actually lives in MacArthur Park. So I can't even imagine Lee's in MacArthur Park, because MacArthur Park is kind of a rough and tumble neighborhood. That's truly a rough and tumble neighborhood. So I can only imagine, like, to me, I just see the scene of Rose and Sadie in big business

getting kicked out of their cab and having to walk to the subway. That's how I imagine these Savannah Pump and MacArthur Park. Yeah, she's like, am I in Saudi Arabia? That was the longest flight I've ever taken. So she's like, where's Raquel? She's going to the party. That's not good. If I wasn't invited, I would expect my partner to show some allegiance. Also, I brought her some EAD-EES. Well, I guess she's not getting her scoops today. Too bad they could have been the life of film and dream of getting our scoops, but instead she'll be taking a lump, get it. Should it be at a party with ice in the title,

but being forced to take, just take plain old poo instead of scoops? I'm workshopping it, James. I'm workshopping it. Kristin the poo. So James is like, I'm not madly, so I begger and better things to do. This is mostly, but I do have a lovely faucet. She's like, don't you? Now I saw your mother. She wasn't laying on the ground in the gutter with gum wrappers on her face, so congratulations for that chance. Oh.

So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude.

So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude.

So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. So rude. I thought when will this childhood end? I would come home from school and she was drinking and fighting with my dad. It was so bad I had to move out when I was 18. Like, uh, that's kind of when you're supposed to move out, okay? True, it's not like you're 11 years old walking the streets. That's actually hilarious. I didn't even think about that.

That is like 18 Lisa, 18. It was so bad I had to go off to college and or not to go to college but find a career path for myself at 18. It was so bad I had to vote for the first time at 18. Yeah, it's kind of how it works and she's like, well, I'll tell you this. Being a drunkenty drunkity isn't an option anymore. And she's like well I'll tell you this being a drunken drunken is an option anymore and he's like really it's not I hope you never see me drunk again which basically means I hope you never catch me yeah exactly I want to get Lisa social media account to know how that's going yeah so then Lisa just sort of like sitting there and she's like well Okay, if yours that's charming you you prefer to hear clearly rather than living with that weird Oh, I mean who would ever want to live with that weird dumb fuck up out of my language

But obviously he was disgusting and I feel bad for anyone who has to live with him I'm so glad I could finally say this now that you've moved out and he's like Well actually my father lives there now She's like oh so you're helping all of your family James and he's like yes She goes to the one redeeming quality. He has his helping his family 26 that's admiral you know and that is and also I wouldn't do it I would be like get a job fuck Fuck you guys. Okay. Fuck. I mean, what is I know I just want to know like what is going on that with this family that now has dad has to live behind the shade with Paul

I got everything for his dad forever. He told us that last season and these parents just like live off their kid It's so gross and I feel bad for him, but he's gonna just have to be like no, sorry And then they're probably gonna be like them. We're not your parents anymore and just go, you know, screw someone else over. Yeah, gross. No, yeah. But I did appreciate the flashback to Paul, because I really enjoyed seeing Paul again. I was, you know, he's really like one of the unsung heroes from last season. I feel like there's so much happened in season six that I feel like we forgot that we finally got to see Paul. Also, I like that you said parquet. I just like, I hate parquet floors.

Cause they have parquet floors, don't they? Yeah. So I haven't seen this much parquet since Katie's wedding. He's like, please, so you'll fire. Oh, got me, got me. Get it. So Andy still can't do interstitials. I wrote that down.

He's like, so that's something I don't want to have an hit. So Andy still can't do interstitials. I wrote that down. He's like, so that's something I don't want to happen live. Got killed by one of the things from the quiet place or something. So I was like another near-shazelucin down the drain. Yeah. So now we're at the party and Katie shows up, like truly dressed like a savage of some sort of not savage, but like a, she just looks like a barbarian. She looks like Ned Stark. She does not look like Ned Stark. Just because he wears that big black coat.

But she had these crazy, like, John Snowcoats. She has that like John Snowcoats. It was very north of the wall. It was very much like, oh yeah, thank you. Better than us because was very north of the wall. It was very much like. Oh yeah, thank you. Better than us because you're south of the wall. Don't chat. I was like, I was like, Katie, stop. Stop yelling at me about your north of the wall life. Okay. I know you're yelling at me with your eyes right now. I don't appreciate it. Okay. Just get on board and help us kill the white walkers. So, and then so. John number two is Peter Pan for some reason. He's like, blah, blah.

I think you're supposed to. He kept on saying he was a bath salts, elf. The two are a Peter Pan. Okay. Yeah. Peter Pan. You call it whatever you want. Sandy Duncan, your Peter Pan.

And what if we can see the baby dressed in these? Hmm. Um, he was really turned on by her, her, her North, North of the wall look. Yeah. What do they call those people? The wildlings? Well, yeah, there were wildlings. Like I root I am to the wildlings.

There's people. There's people. There's wildlings in Hollywood. Yeah. Um, so she, uh, she and I get there. It's like, ha, ha, um, and then she's basically a hipster. Yeah, with white lips, just like a blonde wig and a spray tan. And then Billy Lee shows up.

Billy Lee showed up looking like a publicist like she was going to be directing traffic on a red carpet, you know. Um, I'm trying to see what happens here. Let's see. Okay. Not much, really. Not much. The Stasi's mom looks like she's going to be a nightmare this year, which I love because it's always been bubbling up to the surface. She's bringing a dog blanket apparently.

Yeah. Um, Tom and Dereet Hair, I wrote. Tom has like a tin foil. It's like Thomas, someone's trying to take Tom home to go. Yeah. He basically, like, made some popcorn and then used the leftovers for his wig. Yeah. He's like, Joppy Pop. Yeah.

So, um, is it in Stasina already on to make the big appearances? And then there's like, it's just like, like, antics, antics, like, Stasig has to do her butt shot again that she didn't get to do last year. And stuff. I just wrote down, I don't understand this. antics like Stasi gets to do her butt shot again that she didn't get to do last year and Step I just worked down. I don't understand this. I don't understand who Tom's friends with every year He has something based around the headpiece. Yeah, he loves that. So he loves it. He loves the contact moments. Yeah that I'm the Duke of the Milloyed so So um, let's see, butt shot. Okay, so then we get, uh, Sino sees Stasi and Ariana, like hugging each other and screaming,

it's our fucking bad day. And she's like, um, never in my life do I think Ariana Maddox would be this and the Stasi shredder. Fuckin' where? I go off to Marina Del Rey for like literally one day and I come back and everything has changed. What happens is a true that like crossing the 405 sends you into a different sort of multiverse. Oh my god into rise in silver. And Jackson's talking to Lala and he's like, your best he's here to see if you want to have tea tomorrow. So gross. And by the way, who is Lala to talk Lala screamed at her

and called her a twat last week. And then said, my dad is dad and walked away. You know, Lala is really pushing it with me this season. Yeah, I think I like Lala more as an underdog. Yeah, me too. So Christians like, um, Rikall is here and I want to bring her, uh, welcome drink. Um, there's hospitality at its finest. Yeah, Christians are going to get in touch with her touch with her wait your saying skills from from your yeah Just a good throw some salt in the wound

Yeah, I mean I don't like Rick hell, but the thought of James Kennedy at home alone Vamo like that Mm, and then we have like a perfectly Vanderpump rules moment like the these are the moments that we live for this show because we see where we're cut Why Raquel has been late and she just talked to someone. She's like, yeah, I was hosting this grand opening at the Topanga Canyon Mall. So I finished early. See, I am my back really hurts. I've been sitting in a sharper image chair for hours.

So Kristen takes a drink to Rekal and she's like, is there anything in this? She's like, I wouldn't roof you. She goes, no, I mean like, is there anything in this? What is this? Is this take? Is this what an ice cream scoop looks like I never know. I never got to have mine. So, then Stasi's over there flirting with Bo awkwardly. She's like, oh God, both that outfit.

He looks like someone you'd fish with except he's lit up. Honey, you need a light down there on your package. I bet it could hang off there. Yeah. It's like awkward. Rick Halders comes by and it's like, yeah, if you want another light, they actually have a wonderful selection of Sears now available at the Spanca Cannonball.

He's like, this is awkward and I just ate a steak out of a stand mixer. So now Tom pulls, I mean, Jack's pulls Thomas out. He's like, uh, hey bro, I hear you're talking negatively about my relationship and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no's like a catalyst, you know, and like, would you still be doing this if your dad was alive, you know? Well, I'm a dog person, so I don't understand what a catalyst has to do. I don't need a cat list. We're not in the market for a cat. And then Tom tells us, taxes are recovering sociopath, okay? I just wanted to make sure he's not like, you know, getting all excited and then he's just going to blow it off.

Like he does everything else. Yes, he is gonna do that and such. Your passes don't recover. Yeah, exactly. It's not a disease. It's just the way you are. So, Jackson's like, you know, well, you and Ariana, you know, what you and Ariana go through,

I would never impose myself. I would never gossip to Brittany about that sort of stuff. And then they cut to shady, shady flashback four hours earlier, Jackson, doing exactly what he said he wouldn't do. Yeah, and he's like, dude, my grandparents have never gotten divorced. My grandparents didn't get divorced.

My great grandparents didn't get divorced. So I don't want to get divorced. I was like, did any of them steal from the sunglasses at? I was just about to say that. Did any of them bone faith in front of a 90-year-old woman in Hospice care or whatever the fuck that was I mean come on now today them try to start a chunky sweater line I don't think so yeah, and he's like oh look look Tom just trying to do the right thing This is me doing the right thing and he goes unlike Tom. I would be happy for him if he got married back

I mean that's not going to happen. So then we see Stasi's, like, there's like some weird like, ice-loos thing, but like, they're sending some bloody drink down it and they have to get in garbage bags. And it's just like this weird pitiful moment where Stasi is like drinking the blood from the luge and like, just dri this weird pitiful moment where Stasi is like drinking the blood from the luge and like just dribbling down her mouth and she sort of like quietly just goes,

it's my fucking birthday. It's like, that's the sound of youth going away right there. Yeah, because it was, it was they were water torturing her, they were giving her the waterboarding thing. They wouldn't stop pouring it down. I'd probably ever heard requests. She's like, this is all I want right now.

It's to be what aborted. Yeah. All I want for my 30th birthday is to be water-boarded, like a literal terrorist. Water-board A-F. So the girls are talking and Raquel's like, it's really weird here with James. But I heard the Katie didn't want him here.

And Ariana's like, um, ambrate me, because you know, it's the things he did. Like, I would love for him to be here. I wouldn't. I thought that was funny. But he hasn't had one drink, Stasi. And she goes, oh, yeah, well, it's easy to quit drinking when nobody wants to around. Jackson's still drinking. That's true too.

And then, then Kristen Busson out of nowhere, it's like sort of like doing her weird like Kristen Hula dance and she's like, he hasn't drunk in a week and a half. Thank God for that. Oh, she goes off in like one woman congeline. And her eyes are dimes by the way, they're black dimes, they're big button eyes from Coraline. And You guys want him to fail just like the synabon that just closed at the Topanga Canyon Mall located in Topanga, California. But look at what were you saying? If anybody body shames my best friend, of course I want him to fail. What if we did that to your best friend? She's like, when either poo, no one would ever do that to Winnie the Pooh.

Okay, Rikkel, here's the scoop on James. Really? Oh, I forgot. Trigger word. So, just add it up. She's like, How dare you multiplication tables?

Rikkel's like, Stasi, do not call me stupid. And she goes, Okay, look, I totally get you because I was in my 20s yesterday, okay? And I understand why you believe in horrible men. Okay. Look, I've actually dated so many horrible men.

Roll the flashbacks. And we just see like Stasi's greatest hits. It's just Frank, Jack's, Patrick, of Salmon Bin Laden, like all of them, you know? Osama Bin Laden's like, you know what? Stasi is really too much work. I'm giving myself up. Yeah.

So Kevin Spacey's like waiting in the back. Harvey Weinstein's like, hmm, do a pass on this one. So, so then I also like Stasi saying to Rick Helges, Rick Hel, you deserve so much more than someone who is like a legitimate piece of shit. And Rikail goes, he's not always such a piece of shit. I'm like, that should be your wedding vows. Thank you for not always being a piece of shit.

I vow to not always be a piece of shit. That's so romantic. So then the like, Stasi just has this cheesy moment where she sees Bo and she's like, I love you, Samma. And he's like, I know, which that's, I'm sure the response every woman wants to hear.

Yeah, on their birthday. So she goes down to bed early. It's like at 2 a.m. It's the early for that sort of party, yeah. And she's taking off her makeup and she's like, oh my god, I'm Ariana. What happened to me? Why is Lily Tomman's face in the mirror? So, uh, Boa's upstairs is like playing ice leisure, whatever the hell the guys are doing upstairs.

And then Stasi just loses it. The music starts playing. It's like, Tantant and have a tantrum up there because everyone's expecting it really. And then she leaves him a message, she goes, you are like literally ignoring me. Yeah. Being left, it like kills me, it like really, really kills me. I don't think, I think actually you left him because you guys were both upstairs and you went downstairs.

Yeah. And then that's it. And also, your mother sexually harassed him tonight. So I think you need to give him a little break. And then she just slammed her phone down on the floor, which is real phone privilege, by the way. Yeah, that is some definite end of my phone contract privilege right there.

I feel so good. I feel so, I feel really happy that of Shane Stossi for the, like, left, like you left me semantics and the phone privilege. I feel like we really, I feel like I really ended this recap on a good note. Well, I'm glad I got to call Katie Ned Stark. I mean, I did kind of make her a hero, but it made me feel good at the end of the day. She was, you know what, she was more like, she was more like, not Ned Stark, but she was more like,

I said that we gave me two away, and you're going gonna take it away at the end of this recap damn you I was gonna say that she was part of that the Bolton's Because they're all so furry. They also wear furish. Okay. Okay, I'm sorry. I'll let you have that so let me have him because I don't want to say what happens to him But it's fun for those Okay, everybody. Thank you so much for joining us for another episode go get your tickets for a live show February 8th and Dallas then Vancouver for the Just for Last Comedy Festival also February then we're off to Boston and also Irvine and our new show in Portland so go get your tickets we

love you we will talk to you tomorrow. Bye everyone. Hey, prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. at 1dry.com slash survey.