Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: Reunited and it Feels So Hood (Chicago Show, Part 1)

Episode Date: May 10, 2018

Crappens Live hits Lincoln Hall in Chicago for a special two part breakdown of Vanderpump Rules Reunion Part One. This is part one. Hope you have as much fun as we did! Thanks Chicago!! ***Limited Edition Give Them BenRon tees at crappensmerch.com **Crappens Live is coming to San Francisco, Phoenix, Irvine, DC, and has added second shows in Atlanta and Philadelphia! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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That's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends You can also find us on social media on Twitter. We're at what crap ends on Instagram and Facebook at watch what crap ends We'll see you there I have cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cr Watch what crapens would like to think it's premium sponsors! Christy Wowardy-Dowardy! Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low. Megan Bird, he can't have a burger without the burger! Jess Sayon, okay! Shannon out of a cannon Anthony! And our super premium Patreon subscribers, Kelly Grant, Big Grant Master,

Give them home, Miss Noel, and Lizzie Drucker, a fun mother f- We love you guys! What's up? Hi! Hello! Hello! Hello, Chicago! We are back at Lincoln Hall for the second time. Yes! I love any place that comes to me with a sandwich. Like, yes. If people said hello to me like that, I'd be the biggest tour on this planet.

Wow, this is very exciting to be back in Chicago, If people said hello to me like that, I'd be the biggest whore on this planet, okay? Wow, this is very exciting to be back in Chicago, which is by the way, such an awesome city. I cannot believe how awesome this city is. It's, wow, I thought you guys would be more excited about Chicago. You're not like, yeah, it's pretty cool. It's like, okay.

No, I was like walking around Chicago today and I was just like, this is like a, just a beautiful, beautiful city. I was like, I kind today, and I was just like, this is just a beautiful, beautiful city. I was like, I kind of feel like I want a date Chicago, right? Like a date? I want to, yeah, I want to like swipe right on Chicago, and then like, wait for Chicago to text me, and then like, go on a date and be like, oh my god, Chicago was awesome.

And then Chicago like doesn't call back. I'm like, so you want to like hang out again? And the Chicago's like, oh my god, Chicago was awesome. And then Chicago doesn't call back. I'm like, so you want to hang out again? And then Chicago's like, maybe this weekend, I don't know. I'll get back to you and then I never hear back from Chicago. I'm like, well, I'd finally date somebody of sweaty as me. God damn. We're both sweating, me and Chicago.

So back in our first year of podcasting, we had an episode, I think it was like the episode after Jill Zaren was on. Jill Zaren was on our podcast once, in case you guys don't know. Hi, fan and Ronnie. So then an episode, there's an episode that's supposed to be on our feed and it went missing. We still to this day, we have no idea where it is. It's a little bit worse. I think I probably erased it.

I think I said this in word like 30 times. I was like, you know what? I don't remember. Well, the reason why I mention this is that technically on our podcast feed, this is episode 701, but because there is that missing episode, really, this is episode 700 guys. Also, it's just drunk when I was numbering the episodes. It's like, Ben's like the fixer, you know. Ben's my own scandal. Is that lady's Olivia Pope? I walk to the acting. She's like... For any scripted fans out there.

Hell no, Olivia. Just kidding. So, you know, we, this is the early show. We have it. You know, we've got another show coming up right behind us. So we don't want to waste any time. Should we just get right into this band of comp rules? Are you in already?

Okay, so this is a very special sad episode of Vanderfemme rules. Yeah. Now, and sensitive episodes, look, we did it. Well, they're all sad, but this is a very special sad episode of Annerpemp Rules. Now, and sensitive episodes, look, we did it. Well, they're all sad, but this is like a, like in the real way, we're like, oh, we can't like say, you know, like fuck your dad, like what are you gonna say, you know, like so someone dies, like it's so sad. Yeah. But I can't promise I'm not gonna say fuck your dad,

like, you know, it's me, it's us. So what are you gonna do? So I figured we'd show a little emotion to start this off. Yeah with I Express myself through song. Yeah, Ben expresses himself through dance. Yeah, as is no it's pretty well known. Yeah Plug in here. We're gonna give this episode the gravitas that deserves. Okay. Okay, you ready, man? Sure. I'm gonna channel the spirit of band of comp rules. You know that it's our time.

These are the best days of our lives. So raise your glasses high. This one's for you tonight. night So Jackson's dad that was for you and we're done right now shit top That was fun Throw it down be done with it. All right now. Let me change my apps. Oh, what look at that? That was beautiful beautiful interlude music. It's like we're at a cocktail lounge. Okay, well, we do that.

Let's... Hit it boys. 3, 2, 1. So, the first thing that needs to be discussed is Tom's fedora. Is Tom coming to Solva Crime? He's wearing a fedora and a McGruff jacket and a full face of makeup.

It's like that lifetime show with like lady detectives, like, once the corner and once the detective and once a crime writer, it had to Angie Harmon. I don't know, look at that. Yeah. Was it? Resolient Isle. Resolient Isle.

She sounds like Luan. Yes. Angie Harmon, hit it, boys. Please welcome to Countess and Friends Resolient Isle. Blood spatter on the wall. There's blood spatter on the wall. I solved a crime, and it opened up my eyes. Uh.

So anyway, yeah, Tom's in a fedora looking ready to solve a crime. Dude, someone got bitten by a scorpion. And then Kit shows up, and it's Lala. Look, I have fucked a lot of rich people. Okay? I have never shown up to anywhere like this. Mmm. Hey.

I aspire to arrive places like that, but not while I'm a hostess at a restaurant. She's still a hostess, okay? I'm from El Paso. You know someone would ride up in some Lamborghini like to host us. We would at Applebee's. Did you guys notice Lisa Vanderpump's top that she was wearing? Yeah, top.

So I love an audience that loves a blouse. Yeah. Let's hear it for the blouse. No, I was just it just maybe laughed because did anyone else get this vibe? To me, it sort of looked like Larry King set on his CNN show. Does anyone, does anyone follow me that?

Just like lots of little dots. I was just putting like Peer's Morgan to show up and be awful. But with a velvet headband. So weird. She's going for such an odd like, I'm a baby. Oh, it's like,

you can't mother me and be a baby. Pick your lane, pick your mothering lane. I'm the mother and the child. She would do a Virgin Mary staying glass like that. Look at me, baby Lisa and big Lisa. I did a face swap on myself and stained glass. I've saved me. So then we saved her. Have saved me. So then we see Chris James.

He said James, only forgotten Lisa. I love a Bible joke. We see Kristen getting her makeup on. She's just sitting there, she's like, hopefully James won't be drunk today, or maybe hopefully he will be. Oh. I think it's just cut to James.

Just James is just like. It's all like fireball. Like, Jesus, James. I'm like, calm down. And they show the camera. That really was a lot of water. It was. It probably felt great. It did, actually.

Yeah. God, now I'm gonna look like a sweaty pig in every picture. No. No, that you did what you're supposed to do when you're sweating a lot, you splash water, and then people are you sweating like, no, I just splash water on my face. I'm that fit. I'm getting a breeze.

I'm getting a breeze. I'm getting a breeze. So we see Jacks, he's like, expect the worst hope for the best. I'm like, I feel like. Please get one thing right. Like one saying, please. I feel like in Jacks' life, it's just expect the worst and hope for the worst.

Yeah, be the worst. Just be the worst and be the worst. The worst. The worst. And then it cuts to Tom Sattavall. He's like, looking at himself in this handheld mirror. I'm like, there's five mirrors surrounding you. He's like,

blah, blah, blah, blah, guilty, love in the first decade. Welcome to the only podcast that will mirror Shamu. Like, there were five other mirrors and you held up a six mirror, come on, come on. But that's so him, you know that's in his back pocket at all time, like, hold on, now. Oh, now.

Then they cut to Lisa Vanderpump's dressing room, and she's like, thank you so much. I couldn't be here without you. And it's just jiggie sitting in a little chair. He's like, how do we describe Sheena's outfit? It was like... I thought it sounded much better, I guess. I felt like it was like, it was like this blue velvet paisley.

It looked like draperies, meets a couch, meets a boardelow. A drapery couch and a boardelow. We've all been there. That's where you got to get creative with your decorating boardelow. You know, get a gift. So many of those classic. Seven minutes or less. And a bordello.

I wasn't love with this dress. So who said, oh, Tom number two, he's like, oh, there's no casualties, Baba. And Tom is like, hopefully, maybe there is, bro. Oh. Oh. James drinking a bottle of fireball again. And no, no, no, stop trying to bait me.

So then we see, so she's just getting her makeup done. She's in this crazy blue outfit. And she just has that sunny, she's not optimism. She's like, I don't know what people can come at me for this year. I've been great. She's like taking a selfie. Her.

Her. She makes that taking a selfie. Errr. She makes that noise when she changes direction. Errr. Errr. Errr. Errr. Errr. Errr. Errr.

Errr. Errr. Errr. So much enough to fam. Just seen that. Yeah. Robin, I had a reunion that was seven minutes or less. Think about it.

So then, they're like enough backstage. Let's go to what you'll see tonight on the Vanderbomb rules. Reunion part 1A. And then, if I can Brittany, I don't, Brittany, look, I love Brittany. I know a lot of people on mine are like, why does she get a free pass? Because she has a cute outfit and a cute accent and she's cute. That's why wait

Why does she get a free pass on everyone says she gets a free pass like everyone's nice to her They haven't really hazed her yet. She hasn't had to have like the my bitch flowers blooming in my second season That's true. She hasn't had to do that yet. Yeah, she already got stossies nice to her like who that's that? She prehazed herself because she keeps going back to Jack's Girl everyone in that restaurant's fuck Jack's they know what she's going through. Yeah Exactly Yeah, it's like stage one. It's like the parts of the plague, you know at the end of the Bible Yeah, it's like frogs are falling up in these head right now. Okay. They just broke out

But anyway, they cut to her and she's like, well, you didn't have to be with being shaded on in front of the whole world. 10 times. What are you still doing there? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You know, like first time, shame on, shame on,

really shame on you actually the entire time. Shame on you the entire time, because you was on TV and you found him through Instagram and you should know better, Brittany. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. Uh, so Andy Creepy. What'd you all say? Sorry. Oh, sorry. I'm a catch. Sorry.

Oh, sorry. The thing is I'm a catch, but like, I know I'm a catch. I just want to point out that my friends, George and Kevin are here and they've never seen Brando Pump rules. Like, no, no, it's fine. We'll get all the jokes. Good luck. I see you right up there, George. I see you. I like that you guys have a silhouette.

You're like, can we have some backlighting? There's like one strip of backlighting for you guys. They were like, are you guys gonna shout out anyone on stage? Like, no, of course not. I was like, of course we will, George and Kevin. You guys are even hotter and thin as shadows. So jealous, some jealous of shadows. Okay.

Shadows. Shadows. And the, okay, so Vanderpump comes in and she's been like infected by Jackson, his terrible, like not knowing how to say a saying. And of course, I fuck that entire sentence up because I'm a hypocrite. I'm a giant fucking flaming hypocrite.

Okay. And she's like, let the game start. He's like, are you worried that let the games begin as trademark? Like, what is happening with you? Well, that's how we say it in England. I, I jotted it out of my minute of photo for business. It was a business joke. We also British business joke. England. We have guppy tank

But you know, we also saw a clip for later on evening which got me so excited Which is she to in makeup just like get the ceiling getting like her thing. I was like, why is this hot under my divorce? She was talking about a cost with puzzle Her face is literally like this and that thing she's trying trying to pretend she's crying, but she's not, but she's like... I mean, you've paid so much money for that face. You would think you would have practiced crying face, you know? That's not it, girl. I was just like, build in some like little duck that you just press the button as a psh, you know.

I'm ready. Remember how we were like, how are we gonna do Vanderpump rules for two shows? Yeah, we're like still, the show has not even began. We are before the credits. We're like, and in that chair, I couldn't help but notice the leg, look like it was about an inch shorter.

I mean, come on, Garpenters. I couldn't help but notice the leg looked like it was about an inch shorter. I mean come on Garpenters So happy starts in his usual Here we are We I just have to say though before then you know I really liked was when the tape stage and was like two minutes everybody two minutes everybody I was like that is so nice of them to count down how much time is left in their fame I'm I was like that was so sweet. I was like, that was so sweet. I was like, no, they're gonna be famous for three minutes.

Here we are, Lisa Vanderpump, a bunch of haters, and some guys think they're partners of something. And Lisa Vanderpump's like, kind of, only kind of, honey. Like, stop heckling at your own goddamn reunion, Vanderpump. Vanderpump has come to heckle. She does it the entire reunion and I live for it. Yes. Other people will be talking to me, oh, I have a cat that I like. She'll be like, oh, nice cat. It's like cheese.

No one's talking to you. She's also there to give facial reactions like, I do this to the worst fucking human being on the planet. This is... I put on... I put on my empathy pussy bow. My empathy pussy. La La is just like this for the first 10 minutes.

She's like... Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, sh. She's like, Tutu, shesh then start breaking out out in tears, you know? And this one he's just like way too mad right from the get guys like Chris. Damn. If they're singing out. God. Bro. She look good. Sorry.

The boom was like freedom, sweet freedom. Oh! I couldn't help but notice the pillows were oddly arranged around her boot. And now for the elephant in the room, Nini Leaks. I'm just kidding. It's an elephant in the room. This season on Bravo should just be called

the elephant in the room. It's on every goddamn show. Yeah, elephants in the room are the new vagina waxing on Bravo every single episode it gets reference and thank god for that. Yeah, thank God. Elephant vagina waxing. That's the next coming coming soon waxing an elephant Yes, the elephant in the room in a cryo chamber I'm sorry, I'm laughing at that visual because it's like bad bar just like that bar. I just need to feel refreshed. Um anyway so yeah so the elephant in

the room is that Jackson Brittany are back together which yeah well it's been a roller coaster for sure Andy. Not one of those fun ones that goes slow it's on top of New York New York. It's like one of those fast ones. You turned upside down a lot. Maybe the roller coaster looks as big and you're like, I'm not scared of that roller coaster. Before you know, you're upside down. Threadwood, every disgusting Andy,

it's like, be quiet, very neat. I know. Required, you weak link. That is quiet over there. Yeah, that is definitely some action park roller coaster shit where someone loses a land but they're done with it. And someone's getting sued. That is not a park roller coaster shit where someone loses a land, but they're done with it. And someone's getting sued.

That is not a good roller coaster. Yeah, you get off you throw up and you're like, I barfed! I barfed up to the Jackson coaster! Yeah, like the picture that they take of you when you're on the Jackson coaster, you're like, you're like, oh, what am I doing?

Why am I on this ride? We live in West Hollywood where this show takes place, you know? And West Hollywood's like, okay, just fuck. Fuck everybody. It's like, welcome to West Hollywood. Fuck somebody. It's like they're science, you know?

But then they also have warnings for like when you meet the jacks of West Hollywood. And there's big billboards up there say, Sephalus is serious. Yeah. It's like you get off the roller coaster and walk right outside and throw up. Like, I, Sephalus is serious. Yeah. It's like you get off the roller coaster and walk right outside and throw up. Like, I, Sephalus is serious.

I love that you had Sheena narrate the billboard. Because they're real billboards that say, Sephalus is serious. But having Sheena be like, you guys, Sephalus is serious. It's like the billboard, like, poke it into your conversation. Hey, you guys, I would just like to talk on Madara and I learned that.

So, Sephalus is serious. So, let's start's like, it's like bright yellow with little dots on. It's the weirdest billboard ever. It's not bright, it's a body, it's a torso with rashes on it. You guy, well, civilistic. Thank you. Thanks for bringing that up, man. Thanks for bringing that up, man. If Jack's, if it were Jack's, he'd be like, oh, civilistic is no big deal, and I don't

have it. That'd be his bill oh, this is no big deal, and I don't have it. That'd be his billboard. So I'm not yellow. The next elephant that Andy tackles, so Stasi is Patrick in the picture. Boo, yes. Boo. She says no, and she has a new boyfriend.

How happy are we that Patrick is out of the picture? Was that not the most awful thing you saw last week? Was that like one of the worst moments in band-in? There was a lot to pick from this year. Yeah. And that was still pretty bad. How do you make Jacks look like not the worst person on the episode?

How do you do that? Stasi's so positive it's really funny. Because Annie keeps trying to make her cry. He's like, but Patrick, right? Patrick, right? Stasi's so positive, it's really funny, because Annie keeps trying to make her cry. He's like, but Patrick, right? Patrick, right? Some people win, some people lose. Stasi loses and loses.

Stasi has that feel. And she's like, well, you know, his emotional abuse was really only sexy with the man button. It's like, once it was gone, I couldn't take it anymore. Yeah. And then the third elf in the room, hey, Shina, are you and Rob still together? Just, nah.

Nah, wait, I'm not going home. We're in Bracket, but in August, which was like five months ago, so I guess that's almost a half a year, which is almost as long as one half of a year of our relationship, which was like 12 years long, minus six years for the wedding, plus like 45 minutes, because there was like that one time we were texting in a waiting room,

and I forgot to include that before. So I think it's more like 13 years, I don't know. What was the question again? Last August, plus June, July, minus September, October, November, and skip to December. Got it? It's like, oh, uh, September, spring, summer, I don't know.

And Andy's like, whoa, has everything changed? Well, Jack still can't breathe out of his nose, so there's that. Fifth try. Still no cigar. He's already like, humping the stage manager. Nope, nothing has changed. Jay, actually, promise he wouldn't do that the reunion. Didn't he miss it? It's like a roller coaster, Jay. So, James, you still with Logan?

Ah! Gave him a shunt on my own show. That's right. It's okay if I do it. And everyone's like, Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Kristen's like, Hahahaha. That was funny. LAUGHTER

Sorry. And he's like, I'm still with the bug's apple slash toast rubbing. She's really trying to broaden her horizons and learn convection, so that's good. The other day, we had a scare with Raquel. There was a wind storm and she was blew away. You realize she's not a kite, right?

I'm not convinced of that. She can handle mosquitoes fine, but a beetle flew in there. That was messy. She was buzzing for a good first seconds. Like a big, poor Raquel. I always feel like such a dick making fun of Raquel and then... And then she comes out and she's like, and then she comes out and she's like, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Clean that one off, clean that one off the board. The pillows are all arranged perfectly. Well, Thomas arrived as Hello Dolly.

Hello Tom. Welcome. That's Hello Dolly. Jeez. It's funny because it's true. So then it's like, so Lala, what's going on? The bigger the hoops, the happier the girl. She's like, yeah, the bigger the hoops,

the better the blow job. I was like, that does not correlate at all. What is that even? Even a girl who gives shitty blow jobs gets a card with the doors to go up like that. Who does? What is wrong with me? I feel like theoretically, if your hoop was so big,

when you're giving the blow job, your chin might get tangled in it. So I actually think it would be the worst blow job if you were even gonna entertain the correlation in which I clearly am doing. But I just wanted to put that out there. The logic was really pressing me. She's like, oh, we drink, Kloen Andy.

Thank you. She starts, she's in this baby voice. I don't know what she's doing. I don't know what my law is doing at all this whole show. I really don't know. Well, she likes to be like Shut your mouth you shut your mouth we're talking about minion, okay? You shut your mouth only we need for real even though we've had our issues just in my

Shut your fucking mouth. Yeah, blow jobs are huge See she's like that little baby and Roger Rabbit. It's like, oh, think it took her to. Ah, fuck you, Roger! No, it's like, she is lady. She's like, whatever. How many things do you think she, like, erroneously correlates to her blow job?

She's like, well, the taller the bureaucand, the better blow job, am I right? Actually, everything I'm seeing on the desk, I could correlate. I call it blurx. It's like, oh shit, I just can't pick a prop from the desk. The bigger the stapler, the better the blowjob, am I right? The less time stapling, the more time blowing. Uh-oh.

The Vanderpump's like, Hey, blowjob, that's the same her blow chop sets the chin. Thank you, La La. It's like the biggest La La she's ever given. La La. Let's each La hit you accordingly. La La. La La.

La La. Oh, it's my broken bed. Broken La La. Broken bed. So we open with the big one and he's like so some people get cheated on and some people cheat on people. Jacks. My favorite thing is when Jacks just does like a preemptive first of all. I love you. Yes I bang 12 women this season. Does the valet guy count?

Because he just parked my car right now. But the good news is I got a new modeling gig. You may have seen the billboards around West Hollywood. Narrow rated by Cena. Come on, guys. Here's what I hate about the guys on Bravo lately. I mean, it's changed. Well, I'm not going to pick one thing.

But right now, for this paragraph, all these guys go to do what happens live or the Christmas part, the Bravo Christmas party, whatever. They get shit faced together. They go fuck, you know, poor young 20-year-olds who don't know any better all over the city. And then they teach each other how to be. And you can tell that they've all been hanging out because it's shep, And you can tell that they've all been hanging out because it's chef Carl from summer house agents Who now anytime you say any to them it's like you were rude to me at that at that music festival He's like, oh sorry. You would have been working on myself Yeah, and that's a real important thing

Yeah, I'm like here telling you like I know it's not an excuse No, excuse I'm just saying people change, you know People change. Yeah, Saturday is for the boys, you know? So, Jackson's been, you can tell who's been in the same pasta bag. They've all been sharing, because Jackson's whole time, it's just like, sorry, sorry, I'm the worst person in the world, I'm just terrible, I'm the worst guy. Yeah, I'm changing.

Duh, it was manipulative, it was wrong. It's true that. But I'm learning, I'm learning, I'm like, listen, Jack, like you, you don't get that He's used to his bullet point so quickly that the insincerity is just like just raging through the screen, you know Yeah, so he's like I love you preemptive. I love you too Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable.

I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownauer, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong.

What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. one day. So she's like, I love you to now. Like I guess he's made it up to her. And he's like, I just had to get that in. So, you know, we've been talking about kids. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, we'll get to

that. But yeah, Brittany was like, well, I was shocked when I found out that he had cheated because, you know, earlier on the day, we, you know, we have been lately talking to him, talk about kids. We've been working out together. I thought everything was fine. I'm like, are those your two standards of everything is fine? You talk about kids and you worked out, like you did sets together. Everyone say these changes, everyone. No one ever said that Jackson's changed, okay? I don't know where you, maybe a waitress one time was like, we took your guy has changed. Like maybe, possibly. I thought I was making a change.

I'm like, Brittany, you will never be able to do that. First of all, you shouldn't do that in any way, right? Like if you're getting into relationship, you really shouldn't be trying to make people change. Maybe like, Ron, they're horizons, like if they don't eat spicy food, maybe you try to make them eat spicy food. But like, don't change, you can't, right?

But like, you can't change their core values. They're either like, they're in line with you or they're not. Yeah, especially, Jack, he's got an excuse for everything. It's like, what are you gonna blame George Michael? He literally sang, you gotta have faith. I had to try it. I had to try it.

Respect the dead, okay? I know I want my freedom. Old man chokes. I've got him coming out these. Everything she wants, am I right? Anyway, enough of these Kayla Swispers. I will continue to endure it to Michael Irvings. I'll keep doing it.

I'm out of songs. That's all I can remember. Yeah, I think that's it. So make this up before you go, it. That was more break up. So you're venturing into really weird territory. It's when George and other WAM broke up I'm just listing songs. I'm not even that's when the wha of M left. Yeah Well, I do think the probably father figure played an important role with Jack trying to corporate me, you know Oh god, let's thank God at least they're not all blaming us. What?

I wanted to say that was not a reference to him. I didn't say anything. I was a reference to her daddy issues. Oh yeah, don't just don't say that. Dad, won't say that. It's like when we were doing the Holocaust episode of Beverly Hills, all I had to do was say Holocaust and people went, oh! And then Roddy doubled down.

He's like, Holocaust, am I right? Let's say, I don't know what it was. Never even had to. Never made one Holocaust joke. It was amazing. I still got like 20 booze. My favorite kind of night. So.

Thank you. Well, that's my next note, Brittany. Thank you. Because that's his, that's his, like, you have changed him. I can't totally different. But can we just but can we? Everyone tells her that because they know it's only that's gonna make her feel good so they all give her like a sympathy like oh we can really see that Jackson changed a lot yeah we can see he like buttons another button now when he puts on his shirt thank you

and Jackson's like come a horrible person I know I'm just a horrible guy what can I say? I put it through the ringer, I was manipulative. And I didn't see that, I didn't see, I didn't see. When at least he admitted it, you should have seen how he spoke to me at the Bally House. At least it's bringing in grudges from other shows. And then Tom Sandevolg does a very good this was actually like a real housewives move where he made it about himself he's like dude Jacks you were kind of like a fucking dick this summer dude like your fight your shit spilled

over into my shit like me and Ariana like the worst fight we ever had Jack because yeah I was like a lateral damage bra I was a lateral dad because of your bullshit brah. It's like way too, man. So I think the fight you were in was from screaming at a group of women, sir. But I could be wrong. Spent a long season.

Okay, so Andy is like, huh, so jacks, you fucked faith in front of a 94-year-old lady on oxygen. Right. Right. And jacks, ever the politician. He's like, I didn't see that. That's what he said.

He didn't see it. He's like, didn't see it. What part, like, there's like probably like a ventilator and like beeps. Like, what part of like- I thought it was a giant vagina was a specific didn't you wonder why like Ion was playing in the background so loudly there's like a Tom select TV show on who said who who would oh Brittany of course standing up for her man she has well I feel for whoever

whoever who ever hired that monster who would have sex in front of him and, oh, I'm like, oh, blame faith. I mean, it is face fault, too. You know what? I feel bad for whoever would date the person who would sleep with the person who has hired in front of the old lady, whatever.

Girl, if we start stringing things together like that, we'll never believe. Like, we'll be here all day. I feel sorry for the person who puts the makeup on the girl who sleeps with the guy who's this whole show is a domino effect. Like you tip one down they all it's like today was a good day. One of those mile long domino things. Yeah. The paradox is that in Manipurm rules that they were ever set up a big domino thing like three would fall down and the rest would just stay there like oh I guess we messed it up. They start falling.

Chris and we'd never get that that's why you never play Django with Kristen it's like, look on it, look on it, boom! She just slaps the entire thing over. Or Stasi does that famous slap, she did Kristen. So, how did you do it? And Jackson's like, it's a million dollar question, isn't it, Andy? It's a million dollars. Like, can you pay me a million dollars, and I'll tell you why.

We were getting out of, we were arguing, and that's how I get out of relationships. You know what, she instead of being an adult and getting help and trying to figure out why we'd do this thing, then... It was all I did! It was all I did! I messed that up! I don't know why Coconut out, tears. What?

I mean, I love this little gopro. I only not know how to use this. I think we never learned how to use it, but it's a propper. It's a dominoes. The only thing that that moment with Jack's missing was some good dramatic music, you know? Like a good, like, sad, like-on soap opera score, am I right?

But I like that he's like having a breakdown and they cut the Andy's face and he's like this. I love when Andy on reunions, this is just like a general note. When something happens, he has like three reactions, either the concerned. Oh, or he has the look at the guy, I'm like, I got this to happen. Or he does this thing, we just look, everyone goes, what are you looking at, Andy? They've been showing clips of the Met Gala all week, you know?

And Andy went with Sarah Jessica Parker. Sarah Jessica Parker. Yeah. I know, I don't have anything. I'm trying to think of a- It's a joke that makes it so. It's like if you, you know those little bunny rabbits, they're like really cute, but they're like,

they have like sharp pay faces. Yeah. They're like expensive bunny rabbits. Yeah. It's like you found one of those in a farm and picked it up by its face and just started carrying it around by its face. That's what she looks like. But then this is him and front up,

I'm sorry, you guys, I'm sorry. But this is him, how he, this is how he takes pictures from this paparazzi everywhere. He's like this. Which is also how I do it. I'll like to have never had paparazzi. That's how I do it. He's like, all right, is this the right scruncher? All right, now wait, this one. Well, the bigger they had dressed, you know what they said. So why did Jackson- Harder, it's just a good Parker Fox. So yeah, so Jackson's just doing the- you know, I took the- I took the cowardly way out. I took the cowardly way out.

He's like, I mean, it could have been a hole in the wall for crying out loud. It could have been anyone, it could have been a puppy. Could have been a hole in the wall, it could have been a watch band. I don't care. I want to say, I'm afraid this sitting at home like, jeez. God. Could have been a pile of bricks, what do I care?

Could have been this water bottle hole, what do I, this stuff, you know, the Chicago audiences here, last time we were here, we had none other than Lee and Lackin made a surprise appearance and we would not want to disappoint you guys so we have a surprise guest it's the hole in the wall hole in the wall so what were your thoughts when Jacks initially tried to proposition you? Well

It was really hard There was like another hole that was like 95 years old right near me And he was trying to go for that one. I was like no, I don't know if I want to continue this I love the new scene or though because that would actually make sense. Someone posted that on Facebook, they were like, has Jack's fuck Cena? Because that would make so much sense. Could have been a hole in the wall. Could have been this GoPro edge. Could have been a basic...

A cap. It could have been a hockey mask, his passion. A passionate hockey mask, you know? I didn't know what we were gonna do. I had all my apps open. Do you think music is gonna be? I have a question. This is for the ladies.

I guess even the men in the audience, if your guy cheated on you and said, it could have been a hole in the wall, do you take that as like, oh, it's okay? Or, wow, what does that say about me? Where do you guys, what? Yeah, of course. What a rude thing to say.

To the hole in the wall. I was offended. Oh, yeah, DJ James Kennedy is here. Come back in. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Come back in. That's right guys. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I remember it. I'm gonna rebuke. I'm gonna rebuke. I think that's how I never heard it. Okay, I'm here. It's a study in Genders.

Okay. So, Brittney's like, yeah, so Jackson's still listing things that he could have fucked instead of fate. Hull in the wall, fidget spinner, measuring cup, toilet brush holder, soap dish stapler. Brittney's like, what can't, can't. It goes so, One time I was trying to get his penis into a, into a bird feeder.

Those time in birth still haven't come back. I mean, it's jacks. It's jacks. Are you groaning at me or jacks? Tell me the truth. I think they just feel bad about a wasted bird feeder. Same thing, really. So, so, so Schwartz, Tom Schwartz, why do you have blind loyalty to Jacks?

Like, where is this come from? And so, Tom Schwartz is like, ah, well, blah, blah, like, you know, Jacks and Tom Sandivall, they really helped me out when I moved here. Like, you got me my first agency. I'm like, what? Yeah, that's a huge thing in LA. You don't turn on the person who got you, a goddamn agent, okay?

I would. You ahead? Jax, I mean. No, they cover for each other. You think not. The agency's gonna turn on you before. You don't have tons of secrets. That's what it is.

It's a conspiracy of silence. They are alive for each other, you guys. And also when he's he say goes, well you know, Jackson Tom were instrumental in my transition. I was like, don't still belly-lease entire segment. It's about enough. They're bringing her out as a special goddamn guest. Let her have her moment. By the way, thank you to anyone tonight who came instead of going to a Wednesday wedding. I really appreciate it. Keep the dish towel invitation anyway, okay? And actually a really big thanks to people who chose to come here instead of watching Real House House of New York,

which is airing tonight. So a major thank you to the audience. So yeah, number two is doing, it's like, well, you know, agents, transition, and the other keywords, Tom Tom, rivers, pump, tea, neap, sunt. You know, like getting all those keywords in there. And Kristen's like, Tom.

Tom. Tom. Tom. Katie decides to like wake up from her like 100-year coma. And she's like, don't defend that shit. It's just, it's so mature, it just makes me sad. You guys, I have to scroll through here, because Katie said my favorite thing

in the very beginning, because Katie always has these things, where she thinks she's learning a big word, but it's a stupid word, you know? And at the beginning, when they're like, boom, boom, backstage, it cussed to Katie, and she's like, it's papaba. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

The anxiety in the air. It's like, okay, okay. Papaba, which we know means that's what it feels like when a bunch of pals get together. Yeah, he could have been sticking the palpable for all he knew. Yeah. So, so Jack's now started to belong. His bullshit now starts getting to new levels.

These are levels of bullshit. I don't know if we've even seen from Jack's before. He's like, he's like, you know, I mean, ever since everything happened, I've started to feel, I've started to feel, I'm like, Jack's, you're like touching your penis right now, that's not the same thing as feelings. I'm feeling things.

He's like, look, I've learned that I have a heart of gold and everyone goes, oh, I'm like start heckling and moustaging and goes, I mean it's black, my heart is black. They're like, yay. But I can feel, you know, I'm feeling things. And Andy's like, oh, well, we've seen you on the show for five years.

Er, er, er. He's like, yeah, but look, I'm feeling, er, er, er. I just, I don't know why I can't be an adult. It could be feel like I'm feeling things. Feeling things. I never felt things like I'm feeling you, baby. Hey, you shut that right now, you shut that right now, excuse me. That's my lyric. Don't fuck with my man.

So Andy says, Brittany said you were going to fuck someone in Vegas. And instead you just came back to Jack's. What's up with that? Is that the question? Yeah, it was like, I thought you were gonna go and like, yeah, fuck someone. And then bring him back and just had sex with Jacks again. And then Brittany makes herself like the leader of the Women's Meet Band.

And she's like, Where's cause other women have come up to the domain said, I done the same didn't this. I'm like, what are you talking? It's like, I'm just like, Brittany is just giving up on English. She's like,

I'm just gonna make a new language. She's just saying everything wrong. I'm just gonna say it. Lisa Vanderpump is trying to give her a sister. She's like, oh it's called reclaiming your spouse reclaiming your spouse. I've seen a hanky do it to thank you a million times Hanky and Panky in the front row We have two hanky and Panky costumes right? Oh, and by the way, we should mention that we have some Teacher gives away giveaways and stuff. Yeah, okay, right? Oh, and by the way, we should mention that we have some t-shirt gifts away.

Giveaways and stuff. Yeah, okay, so you guys make the best search for the show. I'm like, look, we have a full Lisa Rene down here. Where people do and cook in your bathroom with the actual glitter jacket from the junk boat, okay? So get pictures, post them. When you post on Instagram, use hashtag crappenslive and the winners,

there will be a few winners tonight, and from the later, well, I guess tonight, both shows. And the prize will be gifts from liabuck.com, liabuck skin care and jewelry. Yeah. Which is hilarious and amazing. Yeah.

For jewelry. I was like, would you want to buy any... Of course! Give me their phone numbers, what they look like, their favorite things. What is their face shape? I'm like, I don't know the winner yet. Yeah, we'll see. I want to get to know them, I want to know everything.

It's important that a woman feels her power when she's in Leopold. Like, okay. Half of what is that? So, someone's getting a call from Leo later. We love Leo Black. We love Leo Black. She's so good to this podcast. Do you feel your power on that necklace of yours?

Take it. Take it. So, uh, speaking of empowered, so, uh, Lala, why did you come back to the show? Yeah, you left last year and then you came begging for your job on the first day of shooting that is so crazy So she's like well skew skew basically, you know on my life I've been wanting to fit in and like I wasn't sure if I was fitting in and so I wasn't here and then like she never reached out to me It was like you should come it's a safe place.'m like, I've never heard of this show ever being called a safe place.

If that restaurant is your safe space, you are doing it wrong, OK? It's like, what is this keep happening to me? It's like a hurt locker. So yeah, Lala's like, I'm it's me. And then Arianna's like, hi, I'm on the show. And they're like, shut up, Ariana. Shut up.

She's like, well, I knew he were. And now everyone sees it. It's like, well, congratulations. You discovered Lala too. It's like more people have discovered Lala than have discovered the Bible. Like everyone's discovering it. Yeah.

So then, yeah. So Ariana says, like, yeah, you know, like I see the real, I see the real Lala. I know everyone gets to see the real Lala and then she goes, and then I get shit on. Like we're not asking about what you and Rob do and you're not on time. Yeah. A little sketch joke. All right, that took longer than seven minutes. I'm not going lie. I did time that so Lola's like you are not

shit. Oh, whoa, like two mad two mad. Shut the fuck up for you they cut to Shina going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a baby in a restaurant, just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who would like to have a duet between Kim Zolls' yak and Shina Shemurim, right? Would that not be the most amazing thing?

Okay, do it. Wow. Wow. The ring, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's okay, because I don't really need rings and like Rob is an angel ring. So it's okay to do the mid thing.

Hey, King's also a little bit. King of the minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Kim, before we finish the song, here's a binder of some things you've got to clean up. Here, Kim, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Kim, before we finish the song, here's a binder of some things you've got to like, clean up. You can be good to me. Oh! All right, let me tell you something.

OK, racism only began with this binder, OK? Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh! Oh! Sorry, guys, I haven't heard that.

I was like, oh, it's really. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I don't know. OK. Yeah, so I like that like, Shina really was mad about being called tone deaf when this stuff. Because it's Shina, you know? It's Shina. It's like a whale mating, just came to a sun stop.

Like, and then you hear like a cheer from the kids. And that one guy who almost got hit. Woo! It's like if a seagull got stuck in a tugboats like thing. Yeah! Woo! stuck in a tugboats like thing. Yeah. Whoa. That's a remix. That's a ring doesn't mean that thing.

It's like a session. I'm going through the scene going, You're not going to be about town deathness. You are the one who wanted this. And she goes, she goes, I did not make you sing. I did not hold a gun to your head and say kill musical tone forever, Sina.

Okay. And then you blame your town deathness on my lyrics. You could not hold a gun to your head and say, kill musical tone forever, Cena, okay? And then you blame your tone deafness on my lyrics. Like the lyrics were you, you, you, you. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Boy, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, fair, dude, Lala, you made fun of my trumpet playing too. I don't want to say anything but I've been compared to Bramber and Missiles. Everyone made fun of your trumpet playing. I make fun of it every day and you only did it for five seconds. I just saw someone in the audience going like this. Like her arms were cold and she was like, did I just like pay money to come to this? Like they're just doing sounds.

That's how I imagine people driving in their cars, just like this. What? That's why I can't believe we do these shows. This is like all the podcasts is something like, boorrrr. We came out today, we were back there before coming on and we looked at each other and we're like,

can you believe this shit? This is hilarious. This is like, thank you believe this shit? This is hilarious. This is like, thank you. I know. Oh my god. But I love you guys. So Lala's like, well, oh, they show the clip of Lala saying, well, it reminds me of Baby Dolphin.

That length of a minute. Jackson's fucking get dolphin off stage I didn't mean to really call the dolphin I'm sorry about that person I'm a coward I'm a coward It could have been a dolphin I wasn't a dolphin Okay, it was

Could have been a purpose, I'm a man without a purpose So Cena's like, nah, baby dolphins And I thought when you said you wanted to see the world, you didn't go to see the world in fucking Dolphin JX. Lala's got that eric-a-jane thing where she's like, I'm a badass and nothing bothers me except everything! Not yet! She's not gonna own it and then she owns nothing. I'm gonna fuck.

Say that, dude, that doesn't happen. Raise up or don't raise up. I'm gonna say something that doesn't make sense, but I'll say that angrily. Raise up, raise in California, raise up. Yeah, I thought, sense but I'll say it angrily raise up raising California yeah she's like I'm just trying to stand up for myself then raise up girl raise up now go to the right salmon says raise up raise up

time was to do that how do you go fuck John Kiglebell and Cap Den wanted to collaborate with you I was gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that.

I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that.

I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I know ownership of course, and it's like, honey. She starts doing her like appropriation L. She's like, honey, I'm the first person to jump in with baby dolphins all day long.

That wasn't a thing. How is that supposed to save anything? Listen, you call me a baby dolphin. I'll be like, shut your fucking mouth. I love dolphins, and they shouldn't be killed. I'm like, what are you talking about, Lara? Yeah, but how you talking about me? It's like different. How you talking about everybody else? And she's like, because it's always about you, what are you talking about, Lala? Yeah, how you talking about me? It's like different.

How are you talking about everybody else? And she's like, because it's always about you, you, you, you, you. I'm like, so you basically stole her life for your song that's actually doing well right now. I think you owe Sina an apology and a royalty fee, ma'am. I'm surprised you knew it wasn't just like, thank you. It was like, it's all about you. Thank you.

It is. Thank you. So, um, so now we got a commercial break and we come back. Whoa! I can feel the alkaline. Just kidding. Haha. It's not even mean alkaline water. It's battery water. Yeah. I'm sorry. It's just like a little bit more positive than it is. I'm making an effort. Look.

Hi, I'm Teddy. I'm gonna keep you accountable by your alkaline levels. Hahaha. Um, so Andy's... How'd it chicken sandwich? I'm gonna do the Thanksgiving Unbuckle to certain. What do you want to talk about kids? I'm gonna call you tomorrow

because I'm gonna count a building coach and make you work at a... Hi, I'm Teddy. You don't even count a building out. She's not a mother fucking care. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. Of course. Um, so, Andy.

Just a segue into that. You know, as much as that goddamn show, what am I saying? I don't even know. As much as Beverly Hills stumbled this season, God, I'm gonna miss making fun of that show. Oh, Lisa! Like, we didn't even have to, we didn't even have to look at notes for that whole thing thing because nothing happened.

It's like, what do you want to eat to do today, you know? Yeah. I've found some bobe pins. His name is Bobby. I said, jump in my head. 12 of you. Get up there. God bless it.

We miss you already. Oh, dear, buddy. Oh, yeah. Anyway, so Andy's like... That's what she's doing at the reunion. It's like she didn't say anything. She'd go... The Lisa Rina revival. Well, Kyle, to be fair,

when you tried to confront me, Lasha, like, no, Lisa. No one wants to go there Okay, I try I just bought all your networks and dusters, okay Okay, so Annie's like James Logan is a third person that says that he's been inside of you So And then it's a third person that says that he's been inside of you. So. So. So why does everyone want to have sex with James?

He's like, I don't know, good. But then here's what's funny. So you know, they filmed these reunions like a few weeks ahead of time, right? So this was filmed about four weeks ago. And you know, what could possibly happen in four weeks to make something sound outdated? So here you then have, so like,

why does everyone want to fuck the white Kanye? So, James is like, I'm the white Kanye. Everyone wants to fuck the white Kanye. I mean, everyone loves Kanye, right? Everyone loves Kanye. That was certainly not, but change the next few weeks, right? Good. I'd like to think Kanye actually did some of that shit

just to coincide with her. I think so. I think he's like, I got to separate myself from this guy. I will at least sabotage my career right now. But then the best part is that Lala tries to take it. She tries to take that title. She's like, let's get it real straight, skew, and ye, West Nye's. Okay.

My man is Kanye. You're the white rage-ay. I'm like, are you guys really having this argument on TV right now? Both of them made Kim Kardashian $18 billion, so... That's not, I mean, good for her. It's just a statement, people. It's just that not everything has to be a joke, okay? I'm like, wow. Sometimes we have to think about me like, wow. Sometimes we have to be like,

we're like, sometimes we have thoughts on things, guys. Hi to everyone in the balcony. They're like, whatever. So. So she's like, whoa, whoa, cuck, cuck, wait, wait. Right, Ray J. And Stassi's like, this is awkward.

I'm like, I forgot you were even there, Stassi. Oh, I know. And Andy's like, this is awkward. I'm like, I forgot you were even there, Stasi. Oh, I know. And Andy's like, uh-huh. Have you kissed anyone? No, Andy. Got in a handshake. Nip. Have you stuck any foreign objects inside of you held by somebody else?

Nip. Have you met Jacks as hole in the wall? Uh, perhaps. Hold on, my shade. So, um, so it's like, what does Raquel think about everyone trying to fuck white Rae J? It's like, quote from Raquel. I like... I like puddles.

So then we know James is lying because he finds a some saying he read somewhere and just starts repeating it over and over. He's like, I've never been in the man pool before Never been in the mambool never dipped in the man pool never dipped in it never took a dip never took a swim Never did the rest on float ease and got in there Well if we both held our noses in the man pool, who do you think it all their nose the longest? Obviously I can't because I'm the what Ray Jay can't yeah But people want to think I've been in the mom pool that's fine by me. Le Pools. It's like, okay. Thanks for coming James What do you even fucking talking about and then Andy is like Kristen?

It's like whenever they talk to Kristen now. It's like Kristen Then James only gets real defense. He's like, what is Kristen commenting on this? What is she gonna do with it? Okay, Ande. I don't far out attractive at all. Not at all.

Okay, she's not attractive at all. Why are you asking her to learn to let other people talk? Okay. So Kristen's like, well, Andy, when there's smoke, there's usually fire. And I'm like, yeah, look how she added in that usually because we're about to get the pillow gate next week. Smoke is different than pillows. You know, people vape now Andy. Sometimes if you see smoke is just somebody vaping. In a man pool.

Yeah, different. Also I think my car is on fire. Can I go check on it? It's the most time. James runs out to chase her. Yeah. So she bases like, yes, I think that James had sex with Gigi. I think James had sex with LA.

Maybe Logan. What do you do think that James and Logan hooked up? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. No. There was like a British no. There was a go there. I was like, I would use the bill.

There was a no. There was a no. There was a no. There was a go there. There was a go there. I was like, I would use the bill. There was a go there. I would use the bill. There was a go there.

There was a go there. I would use the bill. There was a go there. There was a go there. I would use the bill. There was a go there. There was a go there. There was a go there.

There was a go there. There was a go there. There was a go there. There was a go there. There was a go there. There was a go there. There was a go there. And Andy knows he's at home. So he's like a hand job, low job. Stick. Did you sit on anything? I'm like, it's got multiple choices. So James is like, oh, Cristan, you got it on the hood of a beam, but don't forget.

He starts hopping around at everybody. He's so proud. He's never been proud, or? Yeah, and he's like, bullip, bullip. I'm like, OK, enough with the man pool. Let's move on. So Andy is like, huh. I know exactly what I'll dip my willy.

I know exactly what I'll dip my willy. As always, been with someone who I've been attracted to. Not with someone I'm not attracted to at all. At all. A brush. And he's like, huh, some people dip in man pools and some people just don't get into any of the girls on this show girls They're like it cuts to the girls and they're like oh thanks, and

Yeah, thank you I mean there were more assholes this year than any other and just their faces are like thanks for the phrasing dude So she and I got her to you man And Andy's like oh we've got an entire hour set aside for you, dear. Could you, Dossie? Could you even imagine Shina on, like, password or, like, $25,000 for whatever the pyramid is? You know, could you imagine, like, all right, the clue is, um, go for.

Okay. Beaver. No. The clue is... Um... Go for. Okay. Beaver. No. The clue is... Beaver. Beaver. She would frustrate even Betty White. She would just start wanting... Even Betty White is her partner who'd just like, fuck you! I'm done!

Don't even know how to play this game! Well, she would be terrible on the receiving end of password. That never received end. Never received in the end. You like? The password is... Oh, actually, it doesn't get to learn what the password is. Okay, the clue is...

Vacuum. Boorrrr. Boorrr. Boorrr. Okay. The clue is dry. Boooo. Okay.

The clue is um. Rob. Yes, actually, that's it. Rob. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is Rob? So anyway, now it's time to get to a very special douchebag on the show. It's the Patrick's Eggman.

Stossy is like, I was horrified. I felt so stupid. I did it to somebody who didn't understand Game of Thrones. Like, that's what Reddit's for stupid. Find a recap. Yeah. So Stasi's like, I was embarrassed, I have, you know, I just didn't realize. And then Tom Sandivall's like, dude, I got a question.

So, dude, I'm just so furious right now about this. So, like, Patrick gets to go to Amsterdam and like like, shuts off his phone and, like, that's cool. And you can't have one night in Mexico, you know? Can he block your number? That's my favorite part. He blocked your number, bro. And when to Amsterdam, didn't let you call him, blocked your number.

Pretend he'd never met you. Pretend he'd never heard the name, Stasi. And, like, when he even tried to send a metallic where he started on fire and peeing on it. Like, and then you get them Mexico, and you don't send them a text, and it's a big deal. God, bro!

Oh, it sounds like so furious, you know? But I think that Tom's right, though. I mean, it is bullshit. It is bullshit that, like, Patrick gets to go to the Van Gogh Museum, and like, and like, I almost shed a tear thinking about you while you were blocked on my phone. And then she arrives in the airport in Mexico and then she has a medley text him, no, that doesn't work.

Go that way. Well, Stasi found this kind of magic where she can be the most horrific thing one second and the next minute be so charming. It's so weird. Because this season, she's been in so much trouble off the show just for stuff she says on her podcast. You know, it's like first you have the Oscar so white thing. Yeah. And then it's like everyone's like, I hate you. The people went online and had campaigns and advertisers were leaving. It was this huge thing. She was freaking out. I'm sure. And then everyone's like, Oh,

you're funny again. It like changes so fast. So in this one, she's like, yeah, that's like literally how it was. I'm like, oh my God, hugs for charming Stasi. Yeah. How do you do that to me? I never let a grudge go ever, okay? I'm still mad at the wait watchers lady. You told me a beer is like a goddamn sandwich in a glass because I can't have beer ever again.

Fuck you, Janelle. Fuck you, Janelle. Fuck you, Janelle. I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, but here I am with Stasi. It's like she could do the worst thing ever. And I'm like, oh my god, let's hug. Sorry, I got so mad. No, no, let it out.

Let it out. I put in a good place lately and that really felt good. You know, it makes me happy, Ronnie. You're finally learning how to feel. You can call me Benjamin. Um, Georgian Kevin are so confused. So, raky stones boys. Get with it. Yeah, so shorts is like, oh, blah, blah. I just was so sad because I hate it.

I know Patrick was a great guy. I thought of your lead. He's so smart. He says words like myopic, but he uses them in the wrong part of the sentence. You know, so cool. You know, but he really damped your glory, Stasi. Oh, and then he goes, yeah. You know, but he really damped your glory, Stasi. Aww. And then he goes, yeah.

But he's like, he's a smotherer. He's one who smothers things. OK, thanks, Webster. So then Vanderpump just heckles from the side. I knew it couldn't possibly be the right relationship for him. It's me on the Patrick K. Someone serve him some tuna not tartar. See how he likes that.

So, Andy, what about when he told Katie and Chris and you could bang other dudes and just not date other guys? So Andy asked the saddest questions, but they're just hilarious to him. He's like, I'm gonna go up to the Met Ball now. Yeah, so it's not so like, I was horrified AF. I mean, if I had known you'd said that, I've been looking up with other guys all this time. I was like, oh, that's probably not

have been my takeaway from it. Let's have a montage about big words at Patrick's used. He's like, see, when you're eating dinner, you have to eat dinner myopically. I drive very fastidiously, you know what I'm saying? This pasta's a juggernaut. It's like, OK. Sometimes you just got to galvanize the forces

of the pasta, the ragu. It's literally like. galvanize the juggernaut of the myopic rigatowning. It's a juggernaut of the myopic rigatowning. It's a juggernaut, am I right? Nonwithstanding another long one? No, it really reminds me of this. I don't know, I think I don't remember I mentioned another podcast or not, but when I was in seventh grade, I opened the floor. Yes, no, when I was in seventh grade, because I used to always write these short stories.

And I got a new computer and had like, had Clarice works on it. And Clarice works had, let's hear it for Clarice works. It had like a built in the source, which I thought was the most amazing thing, because I could make my writing sound so much more dope. So like, for every adjective, I was going to the the source.

And so like, if I wrote down beauty, I would go to the source and see like, pulcretude. So on all of a sudden, she has a pulcretude. Or I would say something like, I put myopic in. I was so proud of myopic. I was like, I use myopic in my short story. And to me, when I see Patrick doing this shit, it's like it takes me back to when I was a pretentious

little seventh grader listening to my car carry in my bedroom running short stories. He's got a terrible future ahead. So basically you lived Camille's childhood. So what you're saying? Yeah, it's sort of, who's my childhood? Oh, wow. Hi, it's my childhood. Come here to say hi. I'm like everyone else left about the ball, gang. Let's talk about the ball, gang.

Like, you know, I mean, he said it as I've said, you know. Brigadoni is a juggernaut. Is a juggernaut? It is a juggernaut, because I know what a Jugger not is. Hello the Andy just takes this time to be like, huh, jacks, you know what my opically means? Like, the housewives he at least has to pretend to respect. Yeah.

And over the years, he's just dropped it, you know, he's like, what the fuck am I'm here again? Yeah. He started to lose it, but with this casting never even pretended, he's just like, fuck you horrors. All of you are horrors. No, but the best part is he doesn't just ask, do you know what my opically is?

Jack's like, no. And then he goes, did you ever even have the curiosity to look it up? And he goes, no, but then Bernice's like, but I don't either, so. Yeah, we know, we know. Okay. We know. Ignorant to gather, okay?

Ignorant strife. We don't do intellectual curiousities here. And then Jack's guess. I made it this far in life. Doing social media for a fake hockey team in Tampa. Dare to dream. I'm glad his goals were not set to myopically. Well, they've heard Stasi's feelings a little bit.

Let's go back to Jack's. Here's some words that people have called you this season. These were actually responses to Patrick. Oh, they were? Yes. Oh, no, these were actually responses to Patrick. Oh, they were? Yes. Oh, OK, good, good, good. You see, it's interchangeable on this show. This was the social media.

It's like a truck stop. It's just interchangeable, dude. There's not one specific brand. It's just all over the place. What do I know about truck stop? Why would I even say that? Stupid. Well, I do know that with truck stops,

what's really nice about them is that you can stop your trucks there, and that's like not for trucks, because sometimes they don't even say that, stupid. Well, I do know that with truck stops, what's really nice about them is that you can stop your trucks there, and that's like not for trucks, because sometimes they don't get to stop. Truck's getting tired. Truck's getting tired too. Okay. Anyway. I'm really just trying to change an app.

Truck's getting tired. Truck's. It's a very high up piano. Trunks. They're married. That was a big word, right? I said, married. Stanley Kubrick does Brittany talking about trucks.

I dammit. Double home. I'm going to learn the thing, children. I'm not going to call my god damn grandchildren to teach me how to use a patty. So social media has response to Patrick. So Andy's like, okay, so here are some of the words that social media use to describe Patrick Stasi.

Smug condescending. Dush canoe. Diccaruni. So I personally love. Aspancake. Cocksickel. Stupid ladybug. Schmegg pudding.

Fuck butter. Stye eye. Jerk cushion. Penis paddle. Penis canoe. OK, I was about to get too gross. Yeah. Got too real, guys. I think nothing we can say can talk dickerunny.

I know douche canoe is my favorite, because is it a canoe for douches? Scenic, I'm going to do it the way. Oh my god, the lake is great for a dish. Well, to be fair, I did try and use a dish, can you, Wes? I almost died that summer, Andy. Guys, guys, can you use, like, keep it down,

because like Rob has to wake up, or we'll put the dish, can you, on the way? So. They're just all riding Rob around the link. So Stasi is like, she's like, you know, I didn't really even realize that Patrick asked like this until it was on TV. It was just like, I was like blinded by,

I didn't see it until it was on TV. And I was like more of a fun day. I'm doing it by the bun. So, so then Andy is like, so Ariana, you have were in a terrible relationship once with someone who made you feel terrible about your vagina and he beat you. How does Patrick compare to that?

That was so weird. Okay, so then it leads into this weird. Like you can tell Tom and Ariana are trying not to fight. Cause Ariana's like, well, mind went for like the jugular more and like when I see his, but then when I saw Rob giving this, what's the name, Patrick giving his disapproval, like I'd see it and it was weird. And then Tom's like, well, like yours was more like

straight up insults. And she's like, she just looks at him like, can I talk about my abuse? Are you gonna, are you gonna steal my abuse to Tom? Well, you know, like I got a see here's how I feel about her. It's like no one asked you, Tom. She's like, shut up, Tom. I just want to hear those behind the scenes.

The minute the camera goes off, because you know, Arianna's like, yeah, I'm really glad we talked this out. We're working, you know. All right, cut. Listen to me, motherfucker. If you try this to one more time, I'm leaving. I'm cutting you. I'm gonna Drown your hamster. You know anyway. I'm chill

So then Hey So then they just kind of like hug and I like I love you. I love you. I love you. You know, yeah nice Oh, I know what douche can do means if anyone cares Uh, I know what Dushkinu means if anyone cares. Like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uhossie, we understand the abuse. Yes, Ariana, we understand. But what about Patrick, joke to me? What about me? And he's like calm down, Kujo. You have your own segment for that. She's like, all right.

Halle House, he's like, no, no. Wrong so, Vanderpump calm down over there, Madam. So then, Dossie's like, I just feel like I wasted so much time with him, it was like four years. And I don't know, I've like I just I just feel like I wasted so much time with him. It was like four years and I don't know I like learned that I just want to wake up and live my life exactly how I want to which is like you know do a podcast and talk about how Black Lives Matter doesn't really like make sense you know. Yeah. So I was like Colisey

pre-dragon burst. I was like I totally get you girl. Spoiler Oh, watch it already. You don't get spoilers for things that old, okay? Mary Poppins dies. There! What? Deal with it. They come as... So... We really do not die. Who can hang on to an umbrella like that? When I ride a subway, I can't even hold the goddamn handrail. I'll fall right up, or I get tired. Well, I go to Karen Yuger. She's an umbrella company. You just hold on to those umbrellas.

So we really wanted to make sure that, when we, as we draw to the end of this show, we wanted to send off this show by sending off Patrick. Shall we send off this show by sending off Patrick. Shall we send off Patrick? Yeah. To Patrick. And a good service of his band bun. He proves that you can go beyond the stereotype of the ginger,

and you can be a ginger with a bun. Because we know that wrapped up in that bun was not just some trapped lice and oil, but words like... My opium leaf. Philanthropical. Magnitude. Topiary.

Galvanize. And juggernaut. So Patrick, wherever you go, that's where hopefully you will always be. Bobbitch! Bobbitch! Bobbitch! Goose is bitch! Bobbitch. Bobbitch. We've got a show. We've got a show. Gooses. Be a... Hey, early show.

Thanks for coming to see watch where crap is. That brings us to the end of the show. We'll see some of you guys at the next show. Do not forget to go crap in live. Hashtag. Hashtag. So you can win some Leab Black shit. If you want to shop for Leab Black shit,

anyway, go to LeabBlack.com. Thank you Lincoln Hall. Tip your bitch. Tip them. We will come back to Chicago for sure. Bye, everyone. Bye. . Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today.

Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.