Watch What Crappens - RHOA: Where's The Beef?
Episode Date: February 13, 2018The Real Housewives of Atlanta prepare for their trip to Barcelona by laughing together at Baby Vegan Porsha's "No Beef" party, and Marlo brings herself as a date. This week's bonus episode i...s a deep dive into both Mario Odyssey and Celebrity Big Brother! To hear it, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens ***Crappens Live is coming to NYC, Chicago, Phoenix, Irvine, DC, Detroit and Houston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts!
It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates.
Cameras off! Voice only!
Launching during Pride!
Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes,
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We'll see you there I have cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cr Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors! Kristi, why were you dourty?
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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast about all that crap we live to talk
about on Yeal Browse.
I'm Ronny Karam from the Rose Creek's Bachelor Roast.
And here I am with my gorgeous talented amazing little friend Ben Mantleker of the B-side
vlog and the Banta Blinter, hello, Bean. Hi Ronny. How's it going? Good, baby. How's life over there? Life is so great.
I had a full breakfast this morning, including an English muffin. So I'm feeling energized
and ready to dive into some real housewives of Atlanta recap, but of course, not before chilling,
our upcoming live shows in Houston and Detroit
and Irvine, California.
If you go to watchercrapins.com and buy your tickets
to those shows and many more,
you will be handsomely rewarded within experience
that you will be able to tell your grandchildren about some day. They'll get it as much as your current spouse or boyfriend. Yeah, and it's okay, you know, your grandkids don't have to understand why everything was great in your younger life, but you know, they're gonna enjoy your joy as you tell the story, okay? And just know that if you don't go and then you find that on social media that Julia Roberts showed up at all three shows
You're gonna be like, ah that would have been a great story to tell my grandchildren and now I can't yeah
Because I wasn't there to tell about that time that Julia Roberts showed up at all three crappy shows like who to thought
She's a huge crap in his fan. She is she is
She just came out of left field that went Julia Roberts
Julia, guess what? It's me. I didn't even ask for any special treatment. Okay.
No, she's so humble. She's like, you would never think she's a global superstar. She just comes
in to our shows backstage. We forgot to mention she hangs out without backstage. She's just like
too shy to come out on stage, but I think we're going to get her on stage. She just hangs out.
She's like, guys, I've been listening to this like new music and it's really good.
I want you guys to get into it. We're like cool, but we promise you guys, we promise her we wouldn't tell you guys what the music is.
So it doesn't become too popular, but like that's the kind of experience you have at the Krapen show.
Oh, Julia. So if you want to see Julia Roberts, get your tickets.
Oh, for those of you asking the show in New York, sit in next week at the
bar, Red Ballroom, a it's going to be insane. It's going to be one of our biggest shows
ever. It's going to be a party. It's going to be our biggest show ever, actually. It is
so exciting. Our biggest one so far. Yeah. We have special friends coming. Also, we are
going to be recapping Vanderpump rules, which the first time we ever did that at
the live show was our last live show, really. Well, two live shows ago, but our last stop. Yeah.
And that was so much fun. And I'm so excited we get to do that one live again, just to make Katie's
face, because I feel like you can't truly understand Katie's essence until you see her face.
truly understand Katie's essence until you see her face.
You know, yeah, well, and the essence of the imitation.
Like you can't really live it just doing it on the on this show, you know, you have to be there doing it.
And my parents are going to be there.
So it's going to be even more special for them to hear us make all sorts of jokes,
like soccer, Dic Dayana, etc.
No, that New York shows me great. Vanderpump rules.
Then the Houston show we're going to be doing the dinner party from hell from Beverly Hills
with Alison Dubois. We do not yet know anything beyond that. Like we don't know what we're going
to talk about the Detroit show or anything past that. But for right now, it's Vanderbump rules in New York.
How's dinner party from hell with Alice New Bois?
Dean Houston.
And here, right here in LA, or wherever you're listening to this, I don't know, Alaska,
um, maybe, you know, skiing somewhere. I love when you see those pictures and you're like,
look, here I am on a balcony in Switzerland, you know, overlooking my infinity pool,
which is overlooking the Alps.
Hey, if any of you listening or Olympians,
and the Olympics right now, hey, good luck.
Be congratulations if you already won something,
and see, let us know, because we want to be like,
oh my god, an Olympian listens to us.
So, you know.
We'll introduce you to Julia Roberts.
Come on, let's make these connections happen. Well, no, there was the, you know, we'll introduce you to Julia Roberts. Come on, let's make these connections happen.
Well, no, there was the, you know, like we were talking about this on our bonus episode.
It available on patreon.com slash watch what happens.
We were talking briefly about the first openly gay male figure skater who won bronze last night.
And he is very gay and he is from Los Angeles.
And in his exit interview, he said that he referred to himself as a broken bird.
So I think there's a good chance he listens to watch a crap.
Or watch the show that the broken bird is on.
Real housewives of Beverly Hills, you say?
Yes, darling, darling. So today, we're doing
real housewives of Atlanta, which was off last week due to some whatever reason.
I think the Super Bowl. I mean, there's so many big things happening across this
Great Land of ours, guys. And it's messing with our Bravo. But you know, it was
fun to have a week off because Atlanta always acts like they've been gone for, you know, five months.
It's like their new season.
They come back like previously and coming up and then they show you a whole movie like
you guys, we remember what happened, okay.
Can you call people a bunch of hose from behind the bathroom door than like left mad because
she was angry?
Okay.
We remember we were there.
Not not being said where we last left off was at
Candy's Essence Party, Cover magazine party where everyone was confronting Will
and about like, did Will have a girlfriend in the past for months that he wasn't
honest about because even met a girl out of cigar bar, etc. and everyone was
confronting Will and he was getting feisty and then everything seemed to calm
down and Portia was like, but wait a second, as long as we're talking about Will, I have something to say.
And now, finally, two weeks later, we get to have the resolution of that.
And honestly, it was like a big nothing.
I was like, I can't believe you made us wait two weeks for that.
I mean, I can't believe it, but I don't want to believe it.
Well, my favorite thing in all the previously is because I'm like,
we just saw this, you guys.
Like, we don't need a five minute previously you know which it was but a lot of it was
about Cynthia because of this will thing and I just love that they added in
there I have a whole bucket list plan child cuz yeah it's like this hole she
just keeps saying bucket list yeah so yeah here we go the aqua Porsche everyone's
trying to figure out why Cynthia said upset or what's going on. She's like, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?
You got me supposed to get you got me supposed to get you got me supposed to get you. And
Porsche doesn't want to get in trouble again. So she's like, well, since you asked, since
you asked, since you asked, I heard he he's gonna take the opportunity as an opportunist to be with you and he's
dating someone else, which is another opportunity because he's an opportunist with opportunities,
opportunist-tizen.
Okay, okay, poor show.
Okay.
I heard.
Excuse me.
I heard.
Excuse me, I heard.
That was, that was the equivalent of jumping out of the gate on my
loose sled and crashing into a wall immediately and tumbling down the rest of the way.
That was not on your bucket list. It's not happening. My Porsche is problematic today.
I'll just back away from my quietly.
So for sure has just made Cynthia cry finally. Cynthia's like, where, where, where, where, where cry cry?
And she goes, since we started, since we started dating, I've been defending
Will. But how do you defend that?
Like, you don't even know what you're talking about.
She never gave you any specific information.
Yeah. She just said that I heard that he's an opportunist.
She probably heard that he's an opportunist.
She probably heard that from Candy, who was like,
like anyone, anyone looks at Will
and see he's an opportunist, okay?
Yes.
So, like, she wasn't like my friend, Joanne,
has been dating Will, you know,
not that she would have her friend named Joanne, but still.
Yes, and remember about her whole storyline
when she came on was like, everyone's warning me
about Peter, not to marry Peter,
and nobody can support me and Peter, and keep warning me and all I do is defend
Peter.
Hey guess what?
How about consider that your friends aren't dicks?
You're dating dicks like on my piss.
How about go date someone nice?
Yeah, exactly.
You know, which obviously I'm not doing that either.
Don't expect me to follow my own advice.
I'm just kind of like sick of Cynthia being like, oh my god, I have to defend this man. Well, start
dating someone that doesn't need to be defended, you know?
Well, it's just gonna be a rast. We portions day everyone.
I heard he's an opportunist and he's like choreographing Broadway
musical right now. And Luanna's step is friends. It was like, no, that's not he's
not an opportunist. That's Tommy tune. That's a different
As a totally different day in Portia
He took the opportunity as opportunist. I'm so go okay
So then Cynthia's crying and all the girls are gathering around like a bunch of hens, you know trying to figure out what's going on
And Cynthia has nothing to say she's like I'm dressed like Stevieicks. I don't know why does anybody want to ask me that? So they're like trying
to figure her out because she's like, she's 17. Yeah, she's a super deep puzzle. So then
out of nowhere, Mama Joyce comes up to Portia and she's like, boy, when you get a chance,
I want us to have a talk. That was like nice timing like Jesus Christ. Like let the woman ruin somebody's life.
Okay, she's talking about opportunists right now.
Actually, I was talking about a tuna opera,
which is a little different.
I was talking about a stark guest.
So, so I'm waiting for Mama Joyce to just pull out
a fork and a knife and just eat her because Mama Joyce is terrifying
So then Shirei who still doesn't know what's going on is next to Kim. He's like I got a silo cut. I got a red cup
You got a cup. Yeah, fucking yeah, I'm cups and she's like
I bet portion of something
Yeah, and
Racer out like she's trying to figure out who knows something she's like
Kim's like I want it. I don't know why everyone doesn't just mind their business
I mean my husband's eight years younger than me and in the NFL and I thought my heart and I know what and I know what it brought me
I'm like some new lips and a crazy face. That's really all I brought you.
And a million new children to ruin the rest
of the world once you're gone.
Yeah, I like that she says that she followed her heart.
You followed your heart straight into an NFL's players marriage.
OK, like that's where your heart led.
I hate when people are like that.
They're like, it's just my heart.
No, it's a lot of money, OK?
And it's best nice as well. And of course, Kim is the one that defends will of all people.
You know, great, great judge of character, Kim Zolciak. Yes. So Kim, I have to say this. I hate like
boob shaming, but really the boobs on this show are so out of control. Everybody's really that I,
like, confounded. And have you ever heard me say that word never
I never used words like that, but I was staring I had to press pause
Because I was like I don't think I've ever looked at boobs as much of my entire life
And it's not because I'm disgusted or or turned on or whatever
It's like just pure fascination like what have those even made out of because in L.A.
We see plenty of implants. It's not like that's anything new.
You know where boobs in general.
It's just this show has something crazy.
It's like they're molded out of something.
And I'm bringing that up because Kim's boobs.
She's wearing this kind of flesh tone thing anyway.
But I was like, oh, those are her boobs.
It's not the flesh tone dress,
but they're the same color.
And they look like they're made out of that fabric like
Maybe they were paper mishade out of this fat. I don't know what was happening, but I couldn't stop staring and I was like
Come on come on people. Stop confounding me with your boobies. Stop it. Yeah, the boobs have been they've been larger
and like more waxed
Waxi or oily is there they look wax waxy with a sheet of oil on top.
And we're getting a lot of interior side-boog.
They're not the side by the outside of your body, but chest side-boog.
We're seeing just a lot of, basically, from 12 to almost 6 p.m.
That's what we're seeing inside of the boob.
And it's a lot for a gay man to handle.
There's just no movement.
I don't understand what's happening.
There's no movement in the boob.
I just want to know what they're made out of,
why they're only like that in Atlanta.
I don't know. I just need some big boob to case.
They sort of look like pastries, honestly.
They look like pastries with like tempered, like,
like it's just like it's just it's just I
Find it to be
Disconcerting so speaking of Marla Marla standing with candy and
Marla's like
You know, this isn't really about Cynthia. It's just like what I worry about is she's going to be goalable. Like Kenya's goalable. And then Candy went,
she made a noise like,
and Marla was like, hi.
So
it's like between
So, it's like between Cynthia learning about opportunistic opportunitism and Mama Joyce and Kim with the silo cup and the red carpet and the sky being blue.
My head is spinning, it's spinning.
My head is spinning around.
Like Porsche, your head is always spinning.
It's like everything's shocking to Porsche.
She's like,'s shocking to Porsche
Don't want to have her watch figure skating
Every time she sees a triple lodge
So as everybody leaves Todd's like well babe wasn, wasn't my speech great? You know, my speech was great. Let's elevate or whatever and Candy goes.
She makes a squeal and she goes, let's continue to elevate.
See? Now, elevate.
Right, right.
Don't want no elevations, don't need no elevations.
Elevate, innovate, procreate.
Opportunistic.
So,
so now doesn't Ryan Porto, okay?
Stay out of this.
You think, well, don't mind me.
I'm gonna be on a new course.
I could talk with Mama Joyce.
No, you're having a talk with Mama Joyce.
No, you're having a talk with Mama Joyce.
You're not going to be on the talk.
Dishmation.
So now everyone gets, everyone's going home.
And Cynthia's like crying now, because the Porsche thing was just like too much.
At that point, she just sort of snapped.
So now she's in the car with Will.
She's like sad.
She's confronting Will.
And he, you know, she's saying, you know,
I heard you're being an opportunist. And he, he goes, what opportunity am I going to
get out of being around you? I'm like, um, being on TV, being famous, being known for
things. You're currently going to go pros in a car, okay? And to Mike. So you can say
you dated a supermodel. And then so then he started doing this bullshit thing
This is by the way classic Peter classic manipulator classic thing that turns Cynthia on he's like
I'm learning how to be with you and this is what I get. Oh my god. This is what I've signed up for like oh
Will you you are the victim here shut up?
You just look pretty and fun to me
It's like your glasses are terrible. I hate you go away leave Cynthia alone get off the show sir you are the victim here shut up. You just look pretty inclined to me.
Like your glasses are terrible.
I hate you.
Go away.
Leave Cynthia alone.
Get off the show, sir.
And then Cynthia's like, but I didn't see any of this coming.
What did I sign up for?
Well, you knew, because I'm sure that contract was 10 damn pages.
So.
And then Cynthia's like, you know what I need?
Transparency.
It's like, you've got enough transparency, OK?
This guy is practically see through. He's wearing glasses that don enough transparency, okay? You've got this guy is practically see-through.
He's wearing glasses that don't have any lenses that make any sense.
They're like fake glasses. I mean, come on.
She got exactly what she asked for. Someone who's totally transparent.
Yeah.
Listen, my request is this. Will, take a, like, what I would like for you will is do accidentally have like a like a nude photo,
like a selfie, like a mirror photo, get leaked to the internet and then just go away.
Like leave that with us and then the rest of you just go away.
Yeah, leave us the best of you.
Yeah.
And disappear.
Yeah.
So next step is the special kind of clan music they reserve for Porsche.
Like she's got her own sound
effect on the Cassio keyboard yeah Tom Tom's boom boom boom boom they do that like shake her
thing we're gonna yes and she's like don't have pockets I don't know that's something in my pockets
I got my purse right oh there's my purse in my pockets. No, my purse is right here.
Like she's nervous and kind of fumbling around as she walks up the bus. Oh, it's sunny.
It's supposed to add or something. Glasses after she's been walking already like several feet.
Delayed weather reaction.
But boom, boom.
So she goes to meet Joyce and Joyce Joyce is just terrifying, you know, because she's Joyce, but Joyce is our scariest when she's smiling really big at you because she's
She's winter eyes and her her teeth kind of move around like there's something going on
She's kind of cartoonish like you can't tell like if she she looks like she could open her mouth and then
Completely open her mouth so wide that that the top of her mouth is in the back of her head.
You know what I mean? Like she can just unhins her jaw. She just looks terrifying. And she's like,
Oh, hey, beautiful. Look at you. Look at you.
Like you're gonna die. You're gonna die here. Run.
here. Run, Borsha. Borsha's like, okay, where today's hot topics? No, you're not. Now you're not you're not even setting about the view, Borsha. So they do this like
you're gorgeous. Now you're gorgeous. Hey beautiful, look at you. Hey lady, red, you look
gorgeous. You do know you know you. Thank you so much for inviting me out. I wanted to talk to you
It's like oh no
Yeah, what's the lady in red a ghost? What's that song about lady in red?
Keep dancing with me
Okay, maybe she's not a ghost
Either way, that's whyia then dance to the cheek.
I never saw Lady in red, so I don't know.
I just know that's one of Christopher's great contributions
to pop culture.
But yeah, Joyce just wants to find out what happened.
Why did Portia get so crazy on candy last year?
And she's like, did you honestly?
I've never done a byway mom, Joyce voice. But she's like, did you honestly? I've never done a, by the way, mom of Joyce voice,
but she's like, did you honestly feel that what Pedro said
was the truth, partial?
And then they do the bravo.
Oh, boom.
The drum sound.
Yeah, something cubes just happened.
And then the way it was like, here is the Brussels sprouts.
Here you go.
And forces like, thank God.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, here you go. And forces like, thank God. The way it is like, hi, I'm Duane.
I was like, okay, Duane, shut up.
I like Brussels sprouts, no pork right.
Amy, again.
So after the drone, Porsche is really nervous
because she's doing that thing where she takes one really
long nail and scratches the middle of her scalp which is gorgeous. I'm terrified get me
out of here. Just pendant stall technique. And then she follows it up with her
other technique which is just asking herself her self questions.
Or she's like, do I think candy would drop something in a drink and poison me?
Do I think it was something I was thinking about?
Do I think it was about the fact that my friend who was also an attorney told me something
that candy told me herself?
How much wood could a wood chalk chalk?
If a wood chalk can't check wood.
What part of a cow is pork?
How many looks does it get to the get to the center of its head?
You know, do I have any pockets?
You got baseballs?
Who said that?
So cute, Lord Palmer.
Porsche is sticking to her.
That was the most evil thing.
I trusted a lawyer and I never even got money for that accident I was in.
And to think you would send me in there to say something that you know it's false.
Of course, Joyce is big to them.
Joyce is like, well, his love here wasn't mean to be on.
It's Rolls Royce.
Mama Joyce, you like that Joyce in the Royce?
Royce Royce?
Joyce Joyce Rolls Royce.
What?
I had no idea what was going on.
I wrote down, I'm confused.
You know, it's like, if it was me, I'd be in the Rolls Royce,
Royce, Joyce in the Royce, Royce, Rolls Royce.
Yeah, and it's like the kind of nonsense
that only someone like Portia could understand.
Cause she was like, yeah,
Rolls Royce, honey.
Oh my God.
What are you guys talking about?
In terms of that, Joyce is still mad at Pedro. I said candy up with Todd. What are you guys talking about?
In terms of the choices, still mad that Pedro said candy up with Todd. That apparently his fadres were defense.
Not starting his rumors, it was that she introduced candy to Todd.
He's a worker.
He's a worker.
He's a worker, yes.
And Porsche is like,
I'm not gonna go there, but it worked out good, right?
And she goes,
He, well, candy and learn to make some lemonade out of a lemon?
Yeah.
You know, in the beginning, remember, we used to think that Mama Joyce was so nasty about Todd,
or like, like, Todd's really nice.
Like, she's just being so unreasonable.
But I think the, I think the reason why Mama Joyce is so calm these days is because she knows in long run,
we've learned, learned like I don't
Yeah, I guess she's kind of right Todd's not the best, huh?
Yeah, well, I think she's been
Vindicated kind of pre-nup in place to pacify mama Joyce to where she's just like
Well, let's see who will die first young man, you know, and also I'm okay with her hating Todd because I don't really love Todd that much a
Yeah, and be it's not just hating her daughter's boyfriend anymore or her husband.
Now it's hating her boss.
You know, it's the guy at the restaurant who's like always trying to trick them into doing fork
rollups and stuff like that.
Yeah, exactly.
So anyway, Portia basically puts everything on to Fajra.
She basically, she blames everything like all her behavior is because of Fajra. Everything she said is because of Fadre. She blames everything, like all her behavior is because of Fadre.
Everything she said is because of Fadre. And you know what, she's just loyal to a fault, you know?
What can you do? It's just loyal. And she's willing, she was willing to bear the front of the
accusations. She did it all for Fadre because she's just a loyal soldier. Okay, or we like you.
This is too much. Like the last. And and when mama joy said you were right or not
Chick that's what I like about you. You were right or
I was like you're up to something now. I don't know what the fuck you're up to lady
But this is not normal and I need to know what you're planning because you know it's gonna be terrible when it happens
Yeah, mama joy is gonna come through with some social terrorist attack on.
I'll tell you what it's going to be.
It's probably going to be some sort of like candy versus nini thing.
Candy and nini are good now, but nini is on the, nini is on the rise.
And this is, this is candy show now.
And Mama Joyce is like, you're going to need some allies.
And we're going to get you, we're going to get porousher back on your side.
Yes.
That's my prediction. Well, I hope that's what it is, because I...
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Can I, may I relate something that I read on the internet via one of the crap ins groups?
Someone posted something from I believe Tamretattles.
It was a blind item and I normally don't care about blind items.
Not only do I not care, I never even just bother reading them because I was the point.
It's a blind item. Like just give me, I don't want to like to do so only do I not care. I never even just bother reading them. It's like, what's the point?
It's a blind item.
Just give me, I don't want to have to like to do so.
Okay, just tell me what it is.
But for some reason, I read this one.
And it was interesting.
And I feel like it sounds like it could be legit.
At the same time, it could be something
that's very easily fabricated.
But basically, the blind item said that,
that basically back in the day, when one of the real housewives started,
that essentially Nenian Kim had the same attorney to negotiate for themselves.
I think that's what it was.
And now down the line, because of something in their deals, A lot of the source of their anger towards each other
is not about cockroaches or whatever.
It's about like who's making more money
or like some sort of issue with their joint lawyer
or something like that.
But long story short, basically what the blind item was saying
is that Nini always believed that like Nini negotiated
a favored nation's clause so that she was always
should always get the most money per episode out of anyone else.
So if anyone else got like matched her amount of money, like was given like a $100,000
raise, then Nini would also get a $100,000 raise because she would always be on top.
But that Kim actually earns more money because she has the spin-off and
That candy is the one who actually has the most money overall because she has lots of successful businesses
It's as well and addition to spin-offs, etc
But Neenie likes I think that she's one earning earning most money
So she negotiated this favor this
This contract, but then as a result
She's not on every episode so it's like yes
She's getting tons of money now,
but now she's only per episode.
So they've reduced the amount of episodes that she's on,
which explains why she's not on all the episodes.
And this is why Nini and Kim are fighting
because Kim is angry that she didn't get
the favorite nation's thing.
And the reason why Nini is a cast member
is that the producers were gonna make Nini
and Kim battle it out to become a cast member,
but then Kenya gets fired or quits.
And that's why Nini got elevated a cast member, but then can you get fired or quits? And that's why
Neenie got elevated to cast member. Oh, for Christ's sake, that is just so much. So basically,
they're just all fighting over money. Well, this is the most popular. This is the highest
rated housewives show by far. I think it's the best. I think it's the highest rated
bravo show period. So they only get over their money, but they get there. They all may, I mean, most
of them make a ton of money. Kenya's got to be making a ton of money. Yeah, at least
for now. I don't know if Kenya's time on I think those rumors are, I believe those rumors
are going to be true that this is her last season for the moment. Well, she keeps acting
like she refuses to shoot. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you can only make so much happen. They
can't just start drawing Kenya into scenes, you know, yeah
Exactly. Um, so I hope she stays long enough to watch her crumble from this marriage because I know it's hateful and mean to say that
But God, I can't wait. She's really bugging me with this all my husband
You know what I'm really worried about is my husband thinking that like husband just because I'm his wife doesn't mean like I'm his husband
Has been he's my husband husband. It's like, oh, okay. It's like your Porsche with
our opportunist. Yeah. So now we go to dinner with Nini and Cynthia. They go to a restaurant
and they start recapping the night before at Candy's party. And Nini basically says that,
you know, Nini says that she wants to tell Cynthia
about the Will situation, but that Kenya came in and started acting like Captain Save
a Bitch, which I thought was pretty funny.
And then she does that thing where she makes her eyes really big and she's like, I didn't
mean to bring Ava in to destroy anything.
That's not why I brought Ava in.
It says nothing to do with Cynthia hanging out with Kenya and we try to own her life.
Exactly. So then Neenie tells Cindy just like make sure that Will isn't using you and Cynthia is like, well, why do you think he's using me? I'm like, oh my God.
Just, you know, I never mind. Just be together. Let him use you because you're oblivious to it all. And just why?
Why are we trying to say it Cynthia from this man?
She wants to be used at this point.
You know, I think she's just, it's a Kenya boyfriend.
It's a rental.
He knows he's a rental.
He's a temp and she's going to pull a Neenie
where she's going to try and get a spinoff
getting back together with Peter.
Like it's so obvious that she's just copying that storyline
to me that I'm like, whatever.
And then Neenie, she said, do you like him?
She's like, well, I thought he was okay,
but then I saw Peter sliding through.
And you know, Peter, Peter will, Peter will,
Peter will look good for his age.
I'm like, okay, Nini, your husband is wiping up,
spilled things with pillows in your house, okay?
Yeah, stop trying to get everybody to marry an old man
to see you have someone on your side, you know?
Yeah.
Peter may look fine for his age, but he's awful.
He's objectively terrible.
He's horrible.
And he has like been really good
about playing this victim card.
Like, oh, woe is me.
I'm still in love with her.
She's the love of my life and she left me.
She dropped me and it's just too hard for me
to see her with another man.
It's just too hard for me to see her.
I still get nervous when I see her.
Shut the fuck up Peter. You record on Instagram Instagram like getting close with some lady at your club
and we know it's been a lot worse than that. Don't act like you're the victim here. You're just
trying to get her back so you can get her some some more funding for your next club under a
bypass. Yeah, you're just nervous every time you see her because you're worried that today's the
day she brings a new contract that says,
they put a lien on my house,
and so I'm no longer a co-signer on your lease,
sign these papers.
Yeah.
That's why you're scared, okay?
So then Cynthia's like, well, Nini,
we are not getting back together.
I was like, oh, okay.
I know that Jurassic Museum is waiting for you
to renew those vows, come on.
Yeah, exactly.
So then Cynthia's like, well, in the spirit of my bucket list, child, you know, I want to see what's happening abroad.
I was thinking of Barcelona girl. And he's like, who are you going there with? And she's
like eating with her fingers and then smacking her feet like this, which that's not how
you get invited to Barcelona. I would, even if I was there to invite you, it would have been like, no, either learn to eat with the fork
and close your fucking mouth while you talk to me.
Or you're never going out of town with me, okay?
My bucket list did not include watching you smack your dinner, ma'am.
Yeah, and Cindy is like,
well, I've been looking at some Airbnb's and he is like,
oh, I'm not into ABC.com.
Whatever.
And Cindy is like,
child, I don't talk about ABC dot com. That's a different corporation. I'm talking about Airbnb
And just I mean, he got some group on he's like, group on
What sort of what sort of trip are we doing with group on Airbnb's and I'm with her. I mean, I shouldn't say I'm with her like
I don't know like it depends on the duration of the trip
I'm sort of of the mindset that like,
if you're gonna travel, I kind of want,
like to be pampered a little bit,
I want someone to come in and like make my bed every day
at the hotel.
But I loved when Airbnb started and it's like,
oh my God, look, you can get this apart.
This is so great.
It's like our own space instead of a, whatever, you know,
I had the same feeling everybody else did the first time
they got in Airbnb. And then I read the part that said, you have to clean the whole
house. Yeah. Or you get charged in extra fee for having a maid like, excuse me. Do you
know my friends and I get Airbnb's all the fucking time that morning where you have to wake
up two hours early to clean. Yeah. Fuck. I'm going to a hotel, okay. Well, I mean, I
think that Airbnb is good for for a certain thing for a lot of. Fuck. I'm going to a hotel. Okay. Well, I mean, I think that Airbnb is
are good for for certain thing for a lot of things actually. I think Airbnb is are good
if you're just like visiting a friend in another city or something like that. And you can't
crash them or like somebody you're getting some friends together in like another city.
And it's about like a bunch of people all being in the same place together and you're
going to like lounge. You're going to cook dinner dinner together. Like that's a cool
thing.
I think in a foreign country,
I can see the value in getting an Airbnb
but I kind of feel like if I were a real housewife
and I wanted to boot it up,
Vicky Gumbel's in style,
I think I would wanna be in a hotel.
I think I would want to be like,
I'm doing an international thing.
And by the way, this all goes with a huge astrosquitches.
Of course, it depends on how much everything costs,
because if the hotel's cost a lot,
like, yeah, yeah, I'm going to get an Airbnb, you know?
But I'm just saying, theoretically,
like, if I'm doing Barcelona, I think I want to go to a hotel.
Yeah, I don't trust like some Rando Airbnb just anywhere.
I mean, yeah, in LA, my cousin gets some when she visits,
and they're always terrible.
They suck every time, because it's like some gross actor who's like,
look, I photoshopped my apartment so it looks cute
and then you get there and it's nasty
and it smells kind of funny.
Yeah, I think it's like, if you're going to Palm Springs,
like yeah, of course you're gonna Airbnb
or if you come to LA, like there is, you know,
like Airbnb is a fun because you can,
a bunch of you can get together and like Airbnb,
a house in the hills, which is an experience unto itself.
But if I'm going to Barcelona,
unless it's like, if I'm going for the,
if I want to have an experience on a cliff
or buy an ocean or whatever, okay,
maybe I'll Airbnb it, but I just think that
there is a value in a hotel
and having someone pick up your shit sometimes.
Why are we talking about this?
This is my fault.
I don't know, but I'm with you.
So Cynthia is on Groupon.
That's the important thing.
And she has a bucket list, okay.
And so Nini, of course, is in.
And then just tries to take the whole thing for herself because it's a house-wise show.
And so Cynthia is like, well, let me guess.
We're going to invite Eva.
Eva. Eva. And she's like, well, what do I care about?
Eva because it's as long as she's not with will because will's not coming.
And that seems to be the only problem I have with her, which is true,
but it's weird to have maturity on a show like this.
So it's also like her new friend, but then the need of the forest is automatically
like this person can't come and that person can't come and this and that, this and that.
Yeah.
Well, by the way, also, I don't like that Cynthia's mad at Eva about the world situation.
Eva is just like, um, by the way, this is what's up.
It's always, that's what always happens.
Will is the scumbag here.
And but Cynthia's mad at Eva.
It's not right.
It's not right.
Well, it's like sending Dallas Reigns hate mail because it rained, you know, it's like
he said it was going to rain.
Like, what are you mad at him him for don't shoot the messenger?
Yeah, Dallas Reigns is a stand-up weather man. Yeah, it's not like if you're mad at Dallas Reigns there are plenty of reasons, okay?
But not just because he told you it was gonna rain and then it did
not yeah, I would be an angrier that his
His name is like a proper noun and a noun.
That's my issue. So here's the thing though, is that like, you know, they're like, oh,
Shwin, Vai, Eva, yeah, what about Marlowe? Yeah, what about Kim? I'm like, it's kind of one of
the issues with this season is there are like a lot of people lingering, like there's like this
cast is kind of like crumbling under its own weight, you know, there are people who are not there may have so much were like not appearing in episodes,
you have like Shameen, you have Marlowe, and you've got this person and Eva and this and it's
cool. I love an extended universe and on a show like Southern Charm does that really well,
but this season has felt really uneven and rocky and I feel like none of the women's storylines
are really tracking well. I mean Candy what she's not even doing anything this season she
just sort of like pops up you know Kenya's barely part of it. Nini has sort of a
fight with Porsche. It's like what's happening this season? Yeah I don't know but
then this sort of me is always like this and then it's amazing. Yeah and it's
like what's going on and then it's amazing. You, and then it's like, Go on or change. What's going on? And then it's amazing.
You know, it goes back and forth.
But even these ones cracking me up
because Nini is in top form when she's just being funny
in her diary room to me.
That's like where Nini really shines.
And she's telling Cynthia,
well, why can't?
Because she's going to have to bring her Uber driver,
you know, and there are no dingo lings allowed
or whatever.
And she's always got excuses.
Or her husband's butt implants are leaking.
And then it's like she was worried that wouldn't make an end.
So she says it 10 times during the episode in different ways.
She's like his fake, but you mean those implants?
Yeah.
I do wonder about Kroi, not about butt implants, but I wonder what goes through
his mind.
Like he is just a huge dormat for her and at the risk of sounding totally shallow.
Like, I guess it's admirable that he supports her journey as she becomes the woman that she
wants to be, but like, the woman that he fell in love with, I mean, I guess it's nice
that looks are not an issue for him. I'll just leave it at that
Well, they
I he likes her for who she is which is also a shallow with you know, it's fun with it
I mean he let her separate his eyelashes. So you know, there's something to be said for that couple
Yeah, so Nini's like, oh, you know, this is all about positivity
So I'm gonna love and like these efforts to death
Which needs to be on a shirt
at some point. So then let's go to my favorite scene
Which is Kenya and her cousin, Jake Guevara and a doctor's office, okay?
Yeah, and this is where Keny is like not having my husband and the same city is me
It's the hardest for me because when like I'm doing things like this
I want my husband by the side of his wife who for me because when like I'm doing things like this I want my husband
by the side of his wife who's me because he's my husband. Kenya, Kenya when you are stealing storylines
from Megan King Edmonds you have a serious problem like you are Kenya more okay you are an icon
of Bravo you are a varsity player on the Bravo team you cannot be
stealing storylines from Megan King Evans I'm sorry it is not allowed and then
you know I don't believe anything that she says I've just never believed
Kenya I think she's a total phony so whenever she's like oh look my husband
texted me and he said I appreciate all the hard work you do even if you're
overlooked one day somebody's gonna look
at your numbers and realize you're brilliant
and we can't mind on the moon.
I'm like, okay, you're just reading the plot
from Hidden Figures now, okay.
Who do you think you're kidding?
I was, so my husband, we were hanging out
and I felt, I fed him a hard boiled egg
and then another one and at first he was like,
I don't like it, but then he was like I like it now and like let's
make out I'm like Kenya you are just talking about the shape of water okay I just miss it I
just miss that my husband can't come to the fertility doctor because there's no
vat of water here for him well guess who else can't come the doctor this is hilarious this
is so kid, yeah.
She's like, I'm in a fertility clinic.
Wait, the doctor's coming.
Hi doctor.
She's like, I'm busy and I'm not even your doctor, but because you're paying me $5 in
Amazon gift certificates, here it is.
I don't know if you can get pregnant or not.
Nobody cares.
Click.
It's like, come on, Kenya.
Well, Lisa wasn't doctor curves again, you know. But yeah, Kenya is't Dr. Curves again, you know?
But yeah, Kenya is over six weeks late,
and she's 46, so the odds of her being pregnant
are very low, especially because when she was 42,
the doctor was already saying, yeah,
your reproductive system or over이죠,
whatever, are diminished, your potential is diminished.
And so, but she's like, you know,
but she's like, you know, I believe in miracles
and like, we have sex twice a day
and he still wants more.
Hey.
Okay, I'm not buying that.
I'm sorry.
I'm not buying it either.
It's total bullshit.
So she's like, well, I passed on Barcelona
because I've already been on two trips
to these ladies and both of them had negative
components.
And then the editors throw in her behind the bathroom door like, these stupid holes,
these idiots are not hanging out with these idiots.
Like just like being a total diva asshole.
Hilarious, thank you.
Yes.
My priority is my family.
I'm like, hmm.
I don't like, I'm like, hmm.
I don't, like, I'm not trying to be callous, but like it's, it's, it's not really a, it's just Mark.
It's just Mark and he's in New York.
Okay, just go.
It's Barcelona.
At the very least, it's Barcelona.
Okay.
Well, she keeps, she's not gonna show up someplace
and then she shows up.
So everybody's like, oh my God, what a surprise.
But it's like, not ever a good surprise, you know? It's like, oh my God, what a surprise, but it's like not ever a good surprise, you know, it's like oh
You're a pregnant and you're 16
You know, they mixed yeah, also I would feel a little uncomfortable having an OB-GYN named Dr. Thrasher
I don't know why I just feel like it. That's not I just very literal doctor names down in Atlanta apparently. Dr. Curves, Dr. Thrasher.
I don't know if I hear that.
Well, you know, she's always there to show you up if you beat it, you know?
Someone like Dr. Thrasher is going to be able to take whatever's thrown at her.
Yeah, she certainly will.
I just heard at the end of this, did she just visit a doctor on a phone only Kenya?
Let's basically sum up my feelings there.
And then she's all choked up at the results
are inconclusive.
I'm like, okay, you're 46.
Like it's, I actually genuinely feel bad for her
because she wants to have a baby
and she always wants to have a baby on this show.
And she's 46 and like, it sucks.
That's a real tough shitty thing that women have to go through
in terms of if you wanna have a kid, in terms of if you want to have a kid
Not saying that all women need to have a kid, but like if you want to have a kid and like you put your career first
Or you just didn't find what you want in a man first and you didn't like I don't want to raise a baby by myself first
And then all of a sudden, you know, you're 46 and like you know, we see it with MJ and like that sucks
I can't see that really sucks. It's like it's the shitty thing in life, you know, we see it with MJ and like, that sucks. Like, honestly, that really sucks. It's like, it's a shitty thing in life, you know.
So I do feel bad for her.
I don't think it's the end of life
and she'll learn that there's like,
she can have a whole different sort of life.
That'll be wonderful, but I actually do feel bad for her.
But at the same time, it's like, at the same time,
it's like, you know, like, I can't do you on for a second now.
She's a monster, okay.
It's like when someone's on death row
and then you hear their story
Because they've like learned to confess everything and feel bad about it and turn to Jesus or whatever which always happens on those shows where they talk to serial killers
You're still a serial killer like I don't care how sad
I don't care your reasons how sad they are because you're a serial killer and you know can you smell the serial killer?
But she's a Kenya so I just can't like you're the worst
and I don't care why at this point. Like I don't need your superhero origin story or your
super villain origin story, you're just an asshole. Okay, so please stop going to doctor's
offices and then pretending that you're married. So next up is Porsche and Chef Goui. So yeah, Portia gets her hair curled for I think 90 minutes.
Yeah.
She's been getting, she's, she is spends a lot of her time
getting her hair done on this show.
Every time they cut back, it's like days later
and everyone else is live and then they cut back to Portia
and she's still getting her hair curled.
Yeah.
It's been like a week that she's been sitting there.
So she's, she's just basically talking to Chef Gully about that they're gonna have like a vegan dinner
It'll be a no beef dinner because everyone's getting long so no beef get it. So every time she says beef
She does quotation marks like air quotes. She's like listen to my text. Hey girls. It's going to be a
No, me no beef dinner
Because I want to decel it mate. No beef
beef dinner because I wanted to celebrate no beef at dinner. Quotation mark quotation mark.
I'm like now you're just making quotation marks and not saying anything.
Just stop quoting.
Just stop quoting everything.
Okay.
So then we go to Cynthia who is arriving for dinner at a place called the Crab Spot, which just made me laugh. I was like,
whoever shows up to meet Cynthia here, whoever it is, it's just gonna be perfect. Like, I don't
care which cast member, it just works with the Crab Spot. And sure enough, to our joy, we got
Peter. He shows up at the Crab Spot. Number one crab. Okay, this waiter is hilarious because she's
like, hmm, I'm looking at your menu here child. So let me think
Chicken maybe chicken and he goes it's delicious. It's got sweet and sour on top delicious
And she goes, oh well, I am the sweet and sour synth the queen of sweet and sour child
And he's like delicious. I was like, oh, that's that waiter
Like how's this delicious?
That's that waiter like how's this delicious
Like our waiter in Boston. He's like it's great. It's great. Well, I'm vegan. So I don't like we're asking about the burgers Okay, liar. Yeah, he was a liar, but you know, though he's not serious wrong
But yeah, so it's like it's on my bucket list have some chicken at a crepespot. That's my
Do you have a list of buckets?
Because I like to order one.
Done, crabs in a bucket.
That's my bucket list.
Hold a bucket for a cramps.
Crab spot.
So Cynthia's like, uh, I was told Peter comes in.
He's like, oh, hey, Fred, it's me, Peter.
And she's like, you're a ghost child.
It really bothered me that, you know, I was at that party and Peter was at that party. And like you're a ghost child. It really bothered me that you know
I was at that party and Peter was at that party and he basically ignored me
And I don't like the way it made me feel
Did you feel empowered? Did you suddenly feel like your life was better?
Did you feel more intelligent because that's those are that's what usually happens when Peter is not in your life
And it hurts
It's like why people start overeating again.
I just want to be tired enough to take a nap.
I don't want enough energy to be positive
and lead a fun life, okay?
I want to sleep.
So.
Yeah, that's kind of how she is.
She's like, well, I hated him, wouldn't have sex with him.
But I miss that being there every day
when I had that option to just say no, you're gross.
You know?
Yeah.
So Peter is again in full victim mode
and he's saying how, like, you know, she's like,
she's like, I wanted to see you.
I wanted to introduce you to Will or something like that.
And Peter's like, saying how he doesn't want to meet
any of Cynthia's men.
Of course, he doesn't want to, because that's so tough, et cetera,
et cetera.
And again, I'm like, yeah, but the difference is
that she had no choice but to see you with a girl.
So the least you can do is like come over meet her man, you know?
I guess I'm not buying any of this shit with them.
So they're like, ugh, my feelings are hurt,
my feelings are hurt, let's get married again next season.
And I can't with them, but I do love
when the food starts coming and I think,
this, whoa, why'd you order all this food?
Are you depressed?
It's like five on trays. Yeah, then he's like sorry, yeah old reaction. I forgot you
The tabs on you this time you're paying for this right? Yeah, I also was like I could not I was distracted by the fact that
He ordered some sort of like pan-rosa salmon and she got sushi rolls and I was like what sort of restaurant is this?
Don't get the story that this menu is telling.
Crab bucket list.
Crab bucket list.
So then it's like the beginning of the episode,
we see all the girls doing things that their own homes
or whatever, and then she's getting,
I'm assuming it's her basement done.
Yeah.
And she's like, you want a schedule?
You want a schedule?
And he's like, girl, bye.
And I'm like, yeah, give her attitude.
She's not going to pay you. You know that right?
Yeah, and I paid for this so enjoy enjoy your kairons or yeah, and candy's over at tags for storage
I say now this is cute
It's on I like this dress
But I can't say because it's gonna be on sale. It's gonna be leaving me soon enough
It's because it's gonna be on sale. It's gonna be leaving me soon enough. See you now.
Raleigh sale.
Thanks.
So they show that everybody is getting ready as like days later and Porsche is still getting
her hair curled as we talk about.
That's how I wrote it.
Oh, Porsche is still in here in makeup.
She's on her own timeline, which I love.
She took a time machine.
She's like, hey, Priya, guess what?
This is a no beef hair cur curl. Get it? Get it?
Like, please stay still. Please. So we can finish our fucking hair and leave. So can you
guys can't come and Neenie won't come and can't he won't come? And she's saying, I can't say don't
like me. I don't know why I like them. I like everybody. It's like okay. I'm loving your
I'm loving your attempt to just dang portion pretending you just don't remember anything.
Yeah, exactly.
I like it.
Keep up with it, push.
I'm behind you.
Yeah, so Shemia shows up.
And Marlow shows up.
And Marlow is trying to shame the welcome mat
for being too small.
She's like, there's a small welcome mat.
And Marlow, you could do better. Don't shame the welcome mat. It's fine. It's standard, there's a small welcome mat. I'm like, Marlo, you could do better. You don't share the welcome mat. It's fine. It's standard. It's a standard welcome
mat. Marlo, you got to talk to us. I'm going to talk about manners just kidding on Marlo.
But she's wearing some hippie outfit. And she's like, home sweet home. That could be bigger.
Maybe she just didn't feel better. So she couldn't get a proper one. Is this a baby shower? Where's her white stuff hanging? Does this doorbell work? Hello?
I'm here. Look at this door knob. It's really round. For me, I'd get maybe one that
looks more like a handle. I don't know, but maybe she's just feeling a little crazy right
now. Oh, look, a window. You can see through. Hmm, I'm not sure about that.
This is what people mean when they tell you to love yourself.
It's not don't have some false sense of, you know, bullshit.
Just like be able to hang out with yourself and have a fun conversation. Because Marlo is her own date and she basically has the best time ever.
She's just walking around the party alone, talking to herself.
Yeah, exactly. And then Sheree shows up. And we're like,
I'm sure it goes. Molo showed up carrying a dead animal to a vegan party. What kind of
fraggenackable crap is this? Down to fragel knackle rock.
So they all have shots and camera rimes and whatever. And Kim, I love that Kim doesn't only arrive with Kroy.
She's like, pour me some water in this cup.
Would you, honey?
Thanks.
And then you hear, bye mom, bye mom.
It's like the whole family's just going to wait outside for Kim.
I know.
And then she walks in and she's like, well, so what's the deal with the watch
rapeseen?
And Lauren's like, uh, Lauren is Portia's sister.
She's like, um, it's like a boho chic thing
I was like, what? It's just like some random like white tool fabric. I'm just dangling
Bhoho chic, I guess. I don't know. I'm silo chic
Yeah, you've got her fucking silo cup. So outside they're smoking a hookah and
Surrey's like hookahka shot it's like a
fried part in here.
Fried like a ding dong dong dong
hukka like a twosh
hukka like a twosh
hukka like a hukka
hukka who is k?
hukka
hukka
hukka
hukka
hukka
so uh
they start immediately talking about
Cynthia because sure it's like
nah so many know what's going on I don't know what's going on. Nobody tell me what's going on.
Hookah, hookah, hookah, hookah.
Like hookah? No, I'm saying.
Hookah, hookah, hookah.
What's going on, or hookah?
Hookah, both.
Tell me both.
So...
She... Shre is like playing a silent...
Like an interior game of Pictionary.
Like there's one match he's talking.
Hookah, hookah, hookah, hookah.
Oh?
Oh?
Hookah.
Shre what's going on?
She's trying to answer like what's being drawn inside her head.
Carousel.
Hookah.
Okay.
So Cynthia is like, you know what it's like when you walk into a room full of people and you know they were just talking about you
Yeah, that happened. Yeah, like you're lucky, okay, because nobody ever talked about you ever on this show like nobody ever has cared
You know, so good for you. So Marlowe's like no team no chance in the uh, I talked about you also that welcome at it was tiny right
I talked about you also that welcome at it was tiny right I
Could barely put both of my feet on it. I was like my feet are crammed not getting any cleaner am I right am I right?
So then it turns to everybody saying well, we just care about you and blah blah blah And Cynthia tells Marlowe well, let's get to you try
I didn't know Peter was there and then you you said, look at me and Peter, like,
we're matching.
And I was like, what?
That's what you're mad at.
Cynthia, honestly, do you pay attention to anything ever?
Like, why would you be mad at that?
It's the dumbest thing.
She thought Marlo was being shady by mentioning
that like, Peter was there or something
or that she knew Peter was there.
And she didn't know.
I'm like, Cindy, you get annoyed at the wrong people and it's like sort of annoying because
you don't even get annoyed in a fun way.
It's just like a, you're like subtly perturbed and it's like, doesn't even make for good TV.
It's just like, what?
This is all Cynthia.
It's just stupid.
It's stupid.
Yeah.
So, let's see.
Basically, they just talk about Cynthia wanting to be with Peter.
Like, they all know that that's really her true love.
I'm like, okay.
So then we should also mention,
yeah, I was about to say we should also mention it
that when they go sit down at dinner,
like all the placements,
all the tableware has like price tags not at or something
because Porsche is playing to return it
to the store tomorrow.
Yeah, she's like,
don't love these balls too much
because they go back tomorrow. I'm sure he's like, what a cheap ass. I mean, they look 1999. And they
go back. I'll take them back. Yeah. So yeah. So then Cynthia starts talking about how
she called Peter for lunch to talk and Borsha is saying how like Cynthia is still in love
with Peter. And I'm like, I just like stop this stop this narrative? I hate this narrative. This is idea of Cynthia and Peter.
Oh, so this Marlotte. Everlasting.
Yeah, she just burps at the table.
Like five times.
It's like these deep, deep, awful, awful birds.
She's like seriously listen. Look girls I got to go visit my cousin
in the nursing home in Borsagas. Your cousin it's late. It's 24 hours. She's like you're
not leaving that ain't no cousin. You're staying here. You're gonna eat some potato soup
fix your life. So then I have to say I love that chef golly's like a higher to private chef and she's like
Here's what we're gonna have potato soup lasagna and dessert. I was like who needed you for that you can she could have gotten a
Vitamix. Yeah, it's all a bit of fucking Costco. Yeah, golly
Golly so now conversation turns the girls trip and
You know like well will Kim be coming
and I think it was Marlow who stand up as I please like listen. For me to you like would
you please like come to you know I think she says something like as an African American woman
or something like will you just please like come on this girl's trip. Well I'm the African
American girls trip and not bring your bodyguard, okay? I got your back.
We got your back and Kim's like,
well, I can't, I need to have Kroa.
You know, it's like, I had a stroke
coming back from LA when I was on the answer to the stars
and that was only a four hour flight.
So this is gonna be a 10 hour one.
So I need Kroa because like, you know,
he has like, you know, he can recognize symptoms
if I'm having a stroke and like, he knows things
or whatever, I'm like, listen.
Like, first of all,
if you're going to have a stroke, it's not because of the flying. It's because of a lot of
the life choices that you've made, okay? No kidding. Maybe it's because you're injecting the
bubonic plague into your face or whatever the hell they make Botox out of. Yeah. Well, yeah,
Kim's like, he'll just make me feel better. And he just knows everything. I need to fly with him.
I'm like, so basically, Kroy is your emotional support dog that's what you're telling us
yeah
he's gonna have a little vest that says yes say on it yes and that's why I like Kroy I don't mind
I like the idea of having Kroy just sitting outside my car I'm like Surrey where she's like
look I'm a lady who likes me taking care so if you want to sit outside and a park in
that wait for me. Okay. Yeah. And you know he will too. So be like, Croix, you're on the wrong side of the street.
And be like, no, honey, this is the right side of the street because we're in a different
country. Oh my God. Thank God for you. I could have had a stroke. I would have been hit by a car
and had a stroke. Thank God for you. Sure. It'd be just like, okay, drive us. Yeah, drive me.
So I mean, at this point, they just like just like fine just bring Kroy. It's fine
It'll be fine because they know that right now their their cast trip is kind of in trouble
Kenya's not going
You know if Kim doesn't go like what is there gonna be left also maybe it'll stop Cynthia from just saying bucket list over and over
I guess she's like the bucket list child bucket list child
What's the one bucket list child? And then Marla when she starts digging on the glass, she's like, no, ding ding bitch.
You got real China. Ding ding. This is China. Look.
And she keeps calling Kory core. Did you notice that?
She's like, no, core. I don't want core.
So now, so now it's like, okay, so, so Kim's going to come with
Kri. So Neenie is at home and she's going through a class.
This is where Greg spills wine.
He's opening up a wine bottle.
He spills the wine all over the shirt.
Why is it down in the pillow, which was actually like so cute and
exactly what my dad would do.
Greg's like, what's happening?
Spill.
He's like, get out.
Okay.
Just get out. Okay. Just get out. So let's see we see
Candy putting Kate ace into a suitcase and Porsche is taking selfies in the back of the car,
which I imagine is like every shot of Porsche in a car ever. Exactly. And so now Cynthia Nini
are in an SUV. Cynthia sort of looks like the Joker. She has all sorts of like weird puff balls
and colors going on. And guess
what? Not so shocking news. Kim has decided not to come on the trip after all.
Yes, because Nini is giving her a shit about bringing Kroy. And she's like, well, maybe
she's getting a new pair of booty implants for her husband installed in his ass.
Yeah, I'm glad you keep bringing that one back. Yeah, exactly.
So then she ran Portia and the other other car and they're just basically gossiping and
Porsche's like, did you hear about Kim? Is it because of her husband? Is his name?
She's like, no, it's cool. Don't listen Marlow. Let's call him. Let's call it. So they call her and Kim's like, hey girls
She's like talking on her silo cup
It's like her cellphone too
It's actually, it's like actually a red solo cup with a string
at the end of it that goes to like a cell phone somehow.
Yeah, I don't know why I keep calling it.
It has to a silo cup.
It's a silo cup.
Uh, yeah, I don't know why.
Yeah, so I just, hello.
Hello.
No, well, me and he was super vocal back row and not comment.
And I had a stroke once and airplanes confused me anyway
like how do they work really let's really think about that so I'm not gonna go
So then candy calls Neenie and Cynthia and Neenie's like I've just got news Kenya is not gonna be on the trip
And Kim is getting ass plants fixed on her man in his ass, which will install
In Kenya's in Kenya's like
See now rally like what do you mean
can you is not going can you not go on the trip whatever candy is so funny she
goes what you mean yeah so basically the trip is falling apart for the producers.
That's a long and short of it.
And it's like, again, it's like another, it's just weirdness.
I think it's a weird season of like people not showing up to things and not filming and
not being in the same room and being on some episodes, not in others.
And like, why is Kim so central to this?
Because she's not a, she's a friend of this season.
It's all sort of weird. Yeah, and I'll be interested to see if this trip actually turned into something worthwhile
I think just bring back Claudia Jordan already. Can we just bring her back?
Well, I think that's why they've got so many extras because the mains are getting paid so much money
They can't bring Shamiya on yet because they can't afford like it's a literally budget
It's almost like they've got this whole audition room waiting to see who's gonna be next, you know, and until then it's like a
Season-long audition or some shit
Yeah, it's like it's it's a little bonkers
And that's yeah, that brings us for it in so everybody thanks so much for listening
We will be back tomorrow with some van to pump rules. Don't forget to get your show tickets over at watchlookcrapons.com.
Yeah!
Bye everyone!
See you tomorrow!
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