Watch What Crappens - RHOC: Hitting Bikini Bottom
Episode Date: October 10, 2018Super exciting episode of Real Housewives of Orange County this week: Shannon cooked pork, Kelly went on Wikipedia, Gina lamented the futility of her bikinis, and Emily contemplated the futur...e of her embryos. Come check out our recap! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey, everyone.
Welcome to Watch For Crappins, a podcast about all that crap
on Bravo that we just love to watch.
I'm Ben Mandelker from...
from life, not from anywhere in particular.
Just from, you know, from New York originally, now living in California.
And joining... Get to know and joining you to know me
you know this podcast been on for six and a half years you should know my origin
story and joining me as usual is Ronnie Carrham from Rose Pricks Bachelor Rose
podcast what's up Ronnie oh hi hi hi we are excited. It is like New York City Week for us this week. I'm already here. I'm already here in New York
ready for our two shows that are happening Thursday and Friday at the Grammar C. Theater in Manhattan, New York.
Our Friday show is sold out. We'll be covering Real Housewives of New York season four
episode 10. It's the last home arachno episode.
It's a classic, classic episode.
So that's your homework if you want to come to the show.
And then on Thursday, there's still that one last row of seats that are left.
I think there's like 40 tickets left in that last row.
It's a big row.
And we're going to be talking about real housewives of Dallas.
So come sell that out for us. We want to stop shilling this. We just want to enjoy ourselves.
Okay, everyone. So come to the show. Don't worry about being solo. Don't worry if you're not even
a Dallas fan. And don't even worry if you're not even planning to watch Dallas. It will still be a
hilarious and amazing show. We are so excited. We're going to have fun. So go to
watchcraftens.com to get tickets there. And then we have other shows on sale there too.
So go click around. You'll see. But right now, by those last tickets, y'all, let's have
a crowded house. Let's have a crazy wild time on Thursday, right, Ronnie?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And then in November, we're going gonna be in Seattle and December we're gonna be in Nashville
Yeah, so and you're working on some new t-shirts that will they're up. They are posted. Yes
The new t-shirt is posting on real housewives of Orange County day because it is King of snark as
go snark asm! Puh! N tons of color sizes, et cetera. Go to
crappensomurch.com or just watch what crappens.com. There's some shopping
links there along with ticket codes. So you can go or ticket links, you can go
buy your tickets for all our shows there. Yeah, and if you get that t-shirt and
someone goes king of snarkasm, you have to immediately go,
you have to immediately go, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I think my parents are still riding the high of the season premiere of Madame Secretary that happened on Sunday.
We'll just tell him it's that.
Yeah.
Oh, and you know what, by the way, guys, we also did a bonus episode this week where we talked
about a star is born.
I like how to big rant about the movie.
I forgot to mention that on the bonus episode that when I came out of the theater, Courtney
Love and Frances Bean had been in the showing and they were out there on the sidewalk.
And I just heard Courtney Love go, that was very sad.
What's she's-
I was like, it felt like a special moment witnessing Courtney Love when this star is born.
So I just need to share that with people.
Yeah, I mean, she's of courtly love thinks it's sad.
Talk about a sad rock story.
I mean, she kind of lived it.
So anyway, let's talking about a star is born.
Let's talk about, let's talk about Real House of Orange County,
the true star of Bravo.
Okay, I'm down.
Okay, so'm down.
Okay, so this week's episode of Orange County,
it opens up with a lot of exercise,
a lot of exercise and getting it to shape.
We meet Geron, or maybe Geron,
but I'll say Geron, because he reminds me of Gerroul.
And he's like,
I'll say Geron, yeah, Geron.
Geron.
Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, Geron, I say Jaron yeah, he's like a Jeroel. He's like a Jeroel Jaron Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel
Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jeroel Jero Maybe I was waiting for Evan of Evan and Jaron. The short-lived pop duo, pop brother duo, from the early 2000s, who later made an appearance
on Shark Tank, Hawking, a dish that allows you
to put away Olive Pits.
Oh gosh.
Yeah.
Well, my knowledge of Evan and Jaron
just got to be.
I'm like a standard bit to where I'm just right there.
I don't know what it is.
Well, well, I can eat my olives, which is a healthy little snack, and then put the pits
right in that little hole, just sort of the way David put his emotions in his little hole.
Right like that. Just step it away!
Well, David sure puts his emotions in lots of holes.
Now, I'm gonna be plate to go. Jaron!
Just let it, just put one negative thought back in that little plate one after the other after the other until it all explodes with all of pits of hate.
He's negative thought to the pit!
Ha ha ha!
Ha!
Ha ha ha!
Do I want to keep my pits?
No?
No?
Uh, so yeah, he's uh, he's being chased by Fiskr, which is their dog, which is an odd, I don't know
where I wrote that down, but who names their dog that?
And Gina's like, oh my god, it's a dog.
It's so different here than they are in Long Island.
And then we cut to Kelly working out at Pilates, just being 15.
I like being on my knees.
Yeah.
This looks like a sex machine.
Sex machine door.
It's a door.
And then it's just Shannon lying there.
Being very, very stationary and still somehow having the most rigorous routine because her
trainer is just like massaging her calf muscle.
She's like yikes.
Ow.
Ow. I'm very tight there. mass, massaging her calf muscle. She was like, yikes, ow, ow.
I'm very tight there.
That's where I keep all my emotions about David,
right there on my calf.
It's my hate calf.
Ow.
When I sat at David with sleeping with a heifer,
it all transferred to the calf.
Is that crazy or what?
Can I call you, Laurent?
Have you seen Vashanty around lately?
I need to clean some rooms for me. I'm going to call up Mr. Wonderful on Shark Tank.
Ha!
Ugh, so he's like, uh, your calf is so tight and she's like,
well, is it tight or are you just pushing it too hard?
Are you saying it's tight?
Isn't it difficult to massage or are you saying it's tight?
Like, whoa, that's a tight calf.
It's so fat and by
fat do you mean fat with an F or that with a pH? It's a lot of questions.
I once heard my girl saying whoa Sophie that said was tight fat.
I'm very concerned because my daughter said that I looked sick and I wasn't sure if that meant I looked really good or if I should see Dr. Moon.
So the next step is Emily back with LeRan and he's like, guys, I'm going. He has kind of like a
banter into voices. He's like, all right, we should see it, guys. We should do this again.
I think he just has a big tongue and as a person with a giant tongue whenever I hear that in somebody else, I'm like, oh my god, you have a big tongue too.
We should be friends.
Call me the right.
I just like that the moment that the work I was over, he just high-tailed it out of
there.
He's like, I don't want camera time.
I literally cannot listen to Gina right now because the moment the work has over, she's
like, I'm going to miss this so much.
I'm going to miss painting around Matt because we're getting divorced. You know what, so to say, you know, it's like, you know, like I never thought about it, but I'm gonna miss panting around Matt because we're getting divorced you know it's so sad I know it's like you know like I never
thought about it but I'm gonna be panting on my own for nice like bye bye I'm gonna miss
the privilege of panty with the husband this was happy yeah he's like the wrong guy
is Kyron right all right back down
let's do it again and I'm like you want a smoothie? I'm making them out of ready whip.
Yeah.
Instead of having fruit in our fruit basket, we have things that have the color of fruit,
like red whipped cream container, that should really be refrigerated actually. I can't be doing this good as Shane though.
I'm loopy the day.
You can tell that it's time to go out of town.
Yeah.
You got the loop in you.
Get the loop.
So Gina, she's like, so I'm happy for Shannon and her meals.
That's Dines, which is her way of saying, but I'm going to talk about what I'm not happy about.
You know, whatever someone says, I'm really happy for so-and-so.
Here's a way, it's like, okay, let's bring on the butt, bring on the butt.
Yeah.
You know, no one has frozen meals.
I've never heard of that before.
So good for her, you know. But I'll tell you this, you know, I like no one has frozen me else I've never heard of that before so good for her you know um
but I'll tell you this you know I've really tried with her uh I texted her oh no Emily said well
he texted her before she went on the air and she didn't even text me back she's like yeah she never
text me back you know I have to suck a start over every time I see her I'm like hi Shannon I'm
jean or I'm from Long Island I'm leaving my husband don't judge me but time I see her. I'm like, hi, Shannon, I'm Jean, or I'm from Long Island,
and I'm leaving my husband.
Don't judge me, but it really hurts me.
And I'm totally fine with it, but it really, baby, baby.
Yeah.
Just like T-Mobile just crashes.
Because you know she's on T-Mobile.
So she's like, I'm here to you, by the way,
I am on T-Mobile, but I'm gonna,
I was gonna let that pass, but then, they hurt myself it then it hurt it then I'm not gonna roll it back notice
that I'm not apologizing that I was okay I mean I like that you're you're strong you're
like Shannon you're confident in yourself enough to just be hateful to other people
well go ahead well I mean if you go ahead class Go ahead, I mean, if you- Go ahead, blast this mess! Well, I mean, you know, if you would like to use T-Mobile instead of a rise, and well,
I suppose everyone has their own sorts of masochism that they like to endure themselves too,
but you know, that's fine. So Gina is like, you know, I feel like with Shannon,
she's not really trying to get to know me, you know? Because if she knew me-
She's not really trying to get to know me, you know because if she knew me RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR this Gina you seem like a very nice lady okay you're very pretty welcome welcome to Orange County from Long Island I hear that it's totally different there yeah shut up all you do is repeat the
same shit over and over again you're worse than me when I'm drunk that's bad there's no way you can
be having a good divorce if you talk about it this much if you talk to if you like you if it
were going smoothly you would honestly be talking about literally anything else. But by the way also congrats Emily for finally learning some of Shane's tricks.
Making the blend is smooth as well. Just trying to talk.
All right, you're done now, right?
King of shake as a
So then, you know, Emily, not to be outdone by somebody just talking about the same shit over and over again
It's like well, I know that she doesn't want a baby, but I want a girl
I have like a list and you know my options are destroy them or have nine more babies like are you gonna have my babies?
Because you got mine embryos, okay?
I know that's what you call the sunk cost fallacy. Okay. You've already made it's like it's okay
You can cut you can cut it off now
You've already made the payment you already made the embryos. It's like you're not getting any more greater value out of it
Yeah, you get a pizza that's 12 slices. You don't have to eat all 12 slices
I mean you can but your sister's vagina is gonna be huge
Like leave her alone, okay? Your sister is not your lazy Susan of baby popping out.
Like a woman and a little baby,
just throw her on the lazy Susan, pop one out for me.
And then she also gets very hung up on the term destroy.
She's like, oh, it's just awful to destroy the embryos.
I'm like, what doctor told her to destroy?
I mean, even I'm like, okay, is there like better doctor talk for that?
Like maybe like disengage the embryos or like, I don't know,
there's got to be something better than destroy.
I, and a certain way it's actually kind of hilarious
that a doctor is just like, well, now we have to annihilate
the embryos.
I mean, we're putting a tiny suicide bomber embryo in with
the other embryos.
We're going to wait.
We got an all.K.M.
R.O.S. now.
It's like
BOOP BOOP BOOP
This is a message from your president, Donald Trump. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha The embryos are about to be destroyed by nuclear bombs. The best nuclear bombs you've ever seen.
It makes it sound like the embryos are tied up to a post.
And I feel like some people are getting offended by this,
but we're just talking about very small cellular development.
Yeah, throw them away, okay?
Just throw them away.
Just have a decommission them.
Do you guys make them retire then? We're tired. I just have to a decommission them. Do you guys make them retire then retire?
I have to be decommissioned.
I have to be retired.
They have to be downgraded.
Well, I get it because some people do get super sensitive
about that stuff.
Of course.
I say buy a freezer.
Okay, this doesn't need to be that dramatic.
You don't have to keep your future babies
in some expensive hotel.
Buy a freezer and shove them into your freezer for free.
Or there's also this thing,
like it's a lot of time, effort, and money
to make those embryos.
And they represent a certain, you know,
a future to a certain extent
and it sort of feels like, well,
if like I, like it's kind of like,
if I throw away these embryos, that's it.
Like the family is like, this is the size of our family.
Which I feel like it's probably pretty,
that's, I think that's what it is on a psychological level.
That's sort of a intimidating feeling.
Well, I think it's more stressful keeping mine.
I mean, what are you gonna have the cast of Annie
coming out of there?
It's like Jesus Christ.
Give people a break.
I give one to Tinsley, you know?
So.
Yeah, and then she says she's not gonna ask her sister again,
but that's bullshit, because she's like, well, my sister said the oven's closed, but,
you know, I'll just risk my own life to do this and probably die during childbirth.
It's like, okay, you know, her sister's like, okay, I'm only okay. Yeah, well, I'm sure
you can find another surrogate. That's not a problem, you know, they're tough. They're
surrogates around. I'm available. I'm sure we could find a little like cookie oven for kids, but you know,
I don't know. How does it work? I don't know. We're just making ourselves seem awful.
We're like, let's alienate ourselves from our audience. So Gina's like, yeah, we're
speaking of that. I don't know what I'm gonna do with that.
Yeah, cuz I gotta see that for the weekend.
So we're just gonna switch out and you know, it's gonna be more normal for the kids cuz like one day daddy's gonna be there
Then he's gonna move out for no reason. The mommy's gonna be there
Then she's gonna move out for no reason. The daddy's gonna be like oh my god
People look crazy. Yeah, she's like and and it's like um you sort of are in limbo
You should really like split your stuff up.
She's like, I know, I know, I'm so bad,
but I think this is really gonna work.
I'm like, it's gonna work once and Matt's gonna go into
that house of horrors, and by horrors,
I'm talking about the interior decor,
and he's like, I am not spending another night
in this Marshall's graveyard right here.
I'm never coming back.
You get the house.
I'm gonna get a sweet pad up in Bel Air and buy.
Yeah, see you later, Saka. Yeah, exactly. So next up we go over to Tamron Eddies and you know,
they're talking about really neat stuff like heart problems. Yeah. Man, it's working out heart
problems and embryos. Yeah, that's our day to day.
Yeah, it's really exciting stuff.
So Tamerson in there with Eddie, and she's like,
so Shannon's having a celebratory dinner tonight at our house.
And Eddie's like, she's going, celebrate.
Yeah, because she said something to her.
She's like, snorke.
Snorke.
Shruggy, shruggy, shruggy, shrug, shrug, shrug, shrug,
shruggy, shruggy. I really wish shrug shrug shrug shrug shrug shruggy shruggy shruggy.
I really wish they would use the Eddie Shrug sound effect more because it's the top chef knife going
sing.
And I really, this scene could have used it because he shrugged a lot.
She's like, oh my god, Eddie, you're like that.
And it's like, sing.
Yeah.
He's like, he goes, she's going celibate.
Get it.
It's a joke.
And Tamra's like, actually, she did celibate. Get it's a joke and Tamra's like, actually she did celibate.
She sold a lot.
It's like, oh God, these two.
They're gonna get a podcast.
Coming soon to your phones around the world,
the comic stylings of Eddie and Tamra.
Mm-hmm.
It's like, I take young, the hot problems.
And I'm like, I'm too old to not be fast forwarding through this shit.
I'm a lot of time to waste on this.
Either die or stay alive.
At this point, I really don't even care.
Just stop talking about it on my TV.
I know. If we're going to be talking about it hard, it has to involve Nancy Wilson.
Otherwise, I'm out.
So, I mean, how do I get you alone?
Am I right, guys?
These dreams, right, that we have.
So, so Eddie, like, does his, like, right, that we have. So Eddie does his little iPhone EKG, and it says A-Fib, and Tamra's like, no!
Are you kidding me?
I'm like, great support system there, Tamra.
Way to make him feel better.
Real helpful, real helpful.
Oh, it's all about TM. Let's face it. It's time for commercial break. camera, way to make him feel better. Real helpful, real helpful.
Oh, it's all about TM. Let's face it, it's time for commercial break. I'm
sorv-y, I'm sorv-y, but if don't take one, it's gonna be very day-class set.
Okay.
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How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully
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So then Shannon is in her kitchen at home with a cater waiter, a board thing, you know,
as a cater waiter, I was like, you poor, poor thing.
God bless your heart.
You wanted to shirt for this.
And Shannon is just going to torture you.
Because Shannon prides herself on doing
every single thing alone whenever she has someone over.
Until now, she always got by on by herself.
Yeah.
I never got by on my own.
I never really cared if you loved me too. That's my, um, that's your, that's my own. I never really cared if you loved me too. That's my um, that's my harmony because I can't
hit any of the notes in karaoke. And trust me, I have tried hard. Nice way to block me from your songs
like karaoke. Till now, I've always gone by, but I'm by on. I never really cared till I had a dinner party.
I'm on my own. I never really cared till I had a dinner party.
I put cream cheese and salmon.
How do I serve this alone?
How do I serve this alone?
You don't have to.
Good.
Well, I got ginger.
Can you cut it up into tiny little ginger?
I hear the ticking of the clock.
I know the roast must be done by now.
It's been an hour.
I wish I had a mug of herbs.
I wish I knew more the lyrics of the top of my head.
It's concerning how often I listen to that song.
I don't retain lyrics.
It's one thing that I really am upset about myself
About I'm upset with myself about is that I
Listen to songs all the time I can recognize a song in like half a second
But I never retain lyrics so when it comes time to make musical parodies on the fly I fall on my face every single time
Oh poor man. I know it's hard. It's hard when you're gay and you have a podcast and you really want to do musical parody
Well, that's why God invented Google
Yeah, but by the time I'm by the time I'm like leaking up the lyrics. It's it's too late, you know
It's never too late, Ben. God, I wish that was a heart song. Okay, so back at Shannon Shannon's having this tasting party for her frozen meals. Mm delicious
tasting party for her frozen meals. Delicious.
Find a come over and eat some frozen food.
Wow.
So the ladies start coming over and
tell her to have her first one if she's like,
I'm smelling sauce.
That's a very specific set.
Like normally people smell flavors,
but she's like, no,
I smell something that's been simmer ...summaring down to a stigastate.
I smell production!
Ffff!
Ffff!
Well, that might be the scent of the $33,000 I'm supposed to be getting per month that's been reduced down to $18,000!
A-cheee!
Well, I'm just about to add that because I love the Archie's airship. Go to get out of the way, come close it Archie
What about sauce? Don't you want someone to cook sauce for you Tamra?
How do I get you a sauce?
So Tamra everything that Tamra says I feel like is an assault on somebody else, okay?
I never feel like Tamra an assault on somebody else, okay?
I never feel like Tamara just comes in.
She's like, hi, Jessica, it's love you.
That's tough so much.
Let's break bread together, which is what she's supposed to be.
I feel like she's always like, you're ugly, you're fat.
Hi, I'm Tamara, I'm hotter than you.
I got tan, so I'm about to.
Who needs a belly button, stupid?
Cause she's like, hi, gonna put on shoes.
Oh my god, your hair looks good. Oh, and your face like your face even looks kind of good
It's just a shame you don't have shoes on to extend my both of those features that getting just lost I
Know she is like the classic underminer. She really sneaks in some undermining everywhere
You know, Shannon was probably so happy about her outfit and she's like, you're not gonna be a shoes. You're on national TV's
And then just we more spiraling.
I have the prettiest of them off in my house.
Okay.
Really is it a butterfly maybe?
No, no, it's still a moth, but that means like a really pretty, if I was this moth, I
wouldn't even want to go into a cune to become a butterfly.
Wait, do moths go into cune?
Moths have already merged with the cune, so you don't even have to worry about that.
You were close. You were close. I'm too blessed to be stressed and too much more facized to be a caterpillar.
I'm the hottest.
I'm the most proudest.
I'm the most proudest.
I'm the most proudest.
I'm the most proudest.
I'm the most proudest.
I'm the most proudest.
I'm the most proudest.
I'm the most proudest.
I'm the most proudest. I'm the most proudest. I'm the most proudest. I'm the most proudest. I'm too blessed to be stressed and too
metamorphicized to be a caterpillar. I'm the hottest moth in Orange County but not
nothing. I'm pint-sized, baptized and ready your sweat as batch. It's a non-riving Tamramoth. I smell sweaters!
You're not eating any of those used mothballs for me?
So then Emily's next and she's like KLEINMING!
I am entry- oh, I'm opening a door and I'm close to get behind me.
I'm Emily and Tamram is like
Is that? I'm a liar?
And she's like, no!
She goes, is that? And Channe, I don't know, Callie?
She's like, Emily.
They're all like, it's Emily.
Huh.
Do you smell a fart?
Why is your face like that?
She's so good.
They're like the prices right contestants, when they actually
like, you know, win that auction thing,
and all they get are like, like, how a
socky jet skis and like, well, I live in Nebraska.
Like, couldn't I have won like the set of knives or a car?
I'm like, no, you get a jet ski.
He here, he, here's a snowbebeel for you. Enjoy it in Florida.
No, I'm Emily. It's like I've tried to be friendly with
Shannon. But she basically just sounds like she's under water trying to communicate something out of care enough. She's like I'm feeling a loopy today. I've been eating a rancid whipped cream from my countertop.
Didn't realize you have to refrigerate it. Woo!
So, Gina's like, oh my god! I didn't know that she had dogs. Look at those dogs. You know, I grew up with golden retriever. Oh my god. I'm like, you literally make walking in the door.
I'm like, you know, I'm like, you literally make walking in the door. I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you literally god. I didn't know that she had dogs. Look at those dogs.
You know, I grew up with Golden Treaver.
Oh my god.
I'm like, you literally make walking in the door
about yourself too.
It's like, oh my god, does a door here?
I had a door growing up.
I love my door.
Do you have a doorbell too?
I had a doorbell, but sometimes a knock.
You have a knock.
Sometimes I knock.
I even have a knock.
I had a knock on a doorbell.
It's like, okay, you can leave now.
Get out, young person.
Is that a golden to red lad?
Because I grew up with a golden, like, and you don't know the difference
between a golden and a lad.
You're, you're sad.
You're sad.
You're sad.
A lad, you're sad.
Oh my God, guys, I'm putting out of my misery.
And then, and she, she also, Gina is looking, honestly, like a white walker
that went to a spray tan shirt.
She has, like, her hair is white, her skin is orange. I did not know what was happening
I like she came from Narnia not even not even north of the wall. She's just straight up Narnia. She's a Narnia creature
Narnia is also the name of a woman
She came very close to being on the housewives and did not get cast
did not get cast. I wanted my friend, they're on here to be on the show, but she didn't make it.
I mean, every where she went, it was just so cold. They were like, though, the boy, does the point of what lady lived in the wardrobe? It's crazy.
I love her. Lang the bitch in the wardrobe.
I love her. Lend the bitch in the wardrobe.
So um, see here.
Shannon's like, oh, how you haven't even been here, little uh, emulja.
What, what is this?
Who was it?
Who was this person?
Didn't you cater my last party?
I thought I just told you to peel some ginger.
Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
I'm having a hard time with the other way, Triss.
Here, here's some ginger.
How did you take a spoon?
Ginger, oh my god, I love a ginger tea.
You have a ginger tea.
You have a ginger tea, oh my god, I guess what?
It's not real ale because it's not like beer, but you know what tastes really good.
Okay, thanks.
Okay, let's talky, more choppy.
Okay.
Okay, generally, now, give him the kitchen.
Thanks for coming.
So then Vicki comes and she's like,
woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo,
oh my God, I was so proud yesterday,
I was so proud of yesterday,
she had it, she had it,
and she's like, oh, do you mean two days ago?
No, yesterday, Linda did a burpee.
I was so proud.
What are you talking about?
What happened two days ago?
By the way, Linda would have a lot of things to say
about my parents' house
because like, three birds have hit the windows since I've been here.
Like this afternoon.
I got bin hang out like boom.
Like what is, like it's been like, uh, three birds and I even saw one.
That's what we get for putting the glass there, Vex.
Well, they don't know what glass is.
And then boom, they think they see themselves, they just run right into themselves.
That's the problem with, you know, the problem with birds in New York these days. The
birds, he's a, this bird should be down in Florida by now. It's October. What's he doing up here? No one is running into glass. He
probably thinks it's Disney World in here. That's what they all go. You know, it's so Vicki comes there. Check. Oh my God. It's Tabra.
Oh, hug. Oh, wow. It's Tabra. Look at everybody. I have such good friends with Tabra. And then Kelly comes in looking like she's dragging herself back
from like some Keats and Yara, you know,
three towns away that she just crashed for some free while.
I'm like, what are you wearing?
She's like, oh, my God.
And lace outfit things.
Yeah, very orange County.
So she sees Tamra. Tamra's like, look me. Batch, you know, that's probably what that's probably why she was saying to Shannon so much
She doesn't say to Shannon where she is where she is because finally she says to Kelly like look like if that she's that I'm wearing
No bitch, no bitch. No boo. Oh my god. Oh my god. No boo
That was a door maybe look like a dwarf that boo's bitch
So bitch I hit the boo shut the fuck up you boo
Shana didn't even know that that was wearing shoes
Yeah, I didn't even think about that she probably was trying to get Shannon to say oh my god look at you
You got your boot off mm-hmm
So Gina's like making small talk with Shannon.
You know, saying, oh my god, looks like you really cooked up a storm.
Like, what is this? Did you come in last night?
Oh, you came in last night and you're cooking a storm?
Wow. And she was like, uh-huh.
Why? Okay. You can move over there now.
Crazy non-yeah girl. Okay, thank you.
I just wish I had time to take it up a notch and really show you what all Shannon can do.
And Gina tells us I'm literally trying so hard to be friends with Shannon like I came
in and talked about a golden, talked about how I grew up with Duas.
You know, I mean, just ask me how my day was.
This is so fucking hard.
You don't got to ask my freaking social security number.
I'm like, Shannon knows you can ask you about your day and she also knows what you're gonna say.
Well, it's okay, I woke up.
You know, I have no warm clock.
It's pretty cool.
Like it beeps at like 8 a.m.
And then I was like, oh, hey, Matt's time for the morning
and then he wasn't there.
I'm like, oh my god, I'm not gonna wake up
with the alarm clock to Matt anymore,
but I guess we haven't been doing that for a few months anyway.
So anyway, I was like, okay, thank you.
I don't think I can.
Yeah.
But a fork in there, she's done.
Yeah. Get in, it's a cooking reference. I just found a cook now
So everyone does a cheers and because like we tried to order, but we got hug up twice
I said I was thick I said I was friends shed but toward I mean that Craig call was loopy right girls
kind of we're all friends again. Woohoo. Yeah, and Tam is like, yeah, I was thinking since Shannon did such an amazing job
and needed a girl's trip, it's totally my idea, not Kelly's.
Yeah, I was like, uh, hello.
Kelly said that last week, I mean, even though you were in different states,
like, this was Kelly's thing and you just totally stole it.
Yeah, Tamer just wants the bigger room.
Yeah, so Tamer is like, I've never been to the Caribbean.
That's kind of Caribbean.
And I was like, um, uh, in Jamaica, there's this place called
the Jewelground Resort.
They're like, great.
Can we take my embryos?
Let's take my sister and the embryos.
Just in case we get her drunk enough to decide to have
online at the same time.
I'm thinking about having you ask a dolphin to carry my embryos.
So listen, listen, let's say, Tamara, we were saying like, how can you have never been
to the Caribbean when you play every wench on the ride at Disneyland?
Was it Tamara, we were saying that?
I'm not sure.
But I'm, that's hilarious that we said that.
So Vicki is like, last time I was at Jamaicaibaka and she's like is that when you have a new
Jeff Bows okay pay the clip
pay the clip this is the crime by
so good
So yeah, we saw like Vicki and Don renewing their vows which you know the editors will always try out a
Vowernoole
Just to remind us how terribly they work
Because that is truly the last moment who is the last person to get their vows
renewed on bravo it was someone i was like no don't do that so i like you guys
uh... shaman
no i thought there was someone else recently like a group of four people
that gets tiny one i was like no don't do that
uh... i don't know i just i started
yeah just our discounted the couples in my head
that they do it like they're dead to me.
Yeah, exactly.
So, we, why did I write this?
I don't remember this.
Vicki remembers going down a river in the Caribbean with a stick.
What?
That's Vicki.
No, no, no, no, I'm not talking about Don!
I'm not talking about Don!
Okay.
So there was this river thing and then you would go into it
and you would do river things. She starts doing this motion like she's canoeing that terribly.
It's like she's punching two children is what it looks like.
And she and it goes, can you paddling?
Is it a movie?
One word, cell about, cell about?
Because river things.
River things.
You do river things.
Caribbean river things.
Yeah, there was a river and there were some mountains. Because I remember things. I remember things. You do remember things. You do remember things. You do, you do.
You do, you do.
You do, you do.
You do, you do.
You do, you do.
You do, you do.
You do, you do. You do, you do.
You do, you do.
You do, you do.
You do, you do.
You do, you do. You do, you do. You do, you do. You do, you do. You do, you do. You do, you do. You do, you do. You do, you do. You do, you do. You do, you do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do.
You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do gonna be like to the cat? What are you gonna do?
You got to fight for your marriage.
Okay, you got to fight.
You got to get a baby, so you got to fight.
And she was like, oh, I had Miss Lupé.
She can take care of the kids, Miss Lupé.
I was like, tell me more about Miss Lupé.
I feel like we haven't seen her.
And this poor woman deserves a raise already.
Well, we saw her get a dresser or something
from an antique store.
We heard her with the book.
That's right.
That's effective for Miss Lupé.
So then this, Gina just takes this as a reason to start sobbing, which is so fucking obnoxious. the the the
the
the the the
the
the the the the
the
the the
the the
the the
the the
the the the the
the the
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the the the
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the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the
the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the
the the the the the the the the the the
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the the the the the
the the the the the the the the the the the the the
the the the the the the the
the the the the the
the
the the the the the the the the the the the the I was supposed to wear them for me at I have all these bikinis that are so expensive and I have to wear them
But like what do I do these bikinis and look at my chest of bikinis?
And I'm like oh get it chest and bikinis. It's a joke to bad Matt came here
Didn't like what am I gonna do what am I doing my bikinis now? I'm a bikini regret. It's like oh my goodness
God you're trying to go for bikinis. I can't cosine the bikini trauma. I really can't
You've cried less over your children
You have these fucking bikinis. You're like, I'm gonna be fine. The kids are gonna be fine.
They're totally used to it. The bikinis on the other hand. Very, very sad.
Okay.
He shan is like, no, I refuse to listen to this ridiculous display. I'm gonna go over to the kitchen, which is where I always
Stuffed my feelings into a little out of plate and I'm gonna pull this roasting pan out where there's a pork tenderloin and it's been a whole hour I think it's done
David David is it done David oh god damn it
Tamra will you be David David is this done now look at me with dismissive eyes
there we go thank you that's how I can tell it's done thank you
Matt and I take vacations together and I lose that privilege to take a vacate with my husband
that's what she says we take really good vacations together and I lose that privilege to take a vacate with my husband That's what she says. She goes we take really good vacations together like we take really good vacations together
Like we're like really good at it
Because like you know, it's up to doubts. It's up to dance. That's what transition is and she goes
So what was that the about how the bikinis had a dream is like this?
Samba
It's like whoa, that's hard
Now who am I gonna to go to Sandals with?
Obviously she has feelings, you know?
Maybe she has divorce or divorce.
No, she has buyers or more, she just bought a lot of bikinis.
You know, well, someone's got to keep Lizzy in business.
So Gina is, she's like, I didn't want to talk about my devoyce problem. Like too late.
Meanwhile, Shannon ruined the appetizers, Yeh, whole.
Shannon's obsessing over her pork tenderloin.
Does this look done? Is it done? Is it over done?
Is it done? Is it done? I'm like, I appreciate the producers for trying to create a metaphor
for once on this show.
Like, how, what is more overcooked? this pork roast or Gina's topic of conversation?
I think it's Gina. This pork is ready. Oh, so they end up having dinner and you know, they try
and give her their padded vice without yelling at her and telling her to shut up. So they make it
through that. And then Gina won't stop crying. She's on from
bikinis to how she's going to miss her family now because she loves his side of the family
and blah, blah, blah.
Like I was, um, yeah, I was 22 when I met Matt. I'm like, really? We didn't realize from
the other 12 episodes this season. Yeah. And Emily's like, well, don't worry. You'll
feel different at this age. I'm so different at this age than I was then. And Kelly's like, not me!
I'm the most immature person!
I've always been so immature!
Mila, self-awareness.
So rare on these shows.
Good for you, girl.
So Gina goes and cleans herself up and she comes back down
and before she can even launch to another thing,
I'm like, okay, okay, okay, I'm going to talk now.
Ha, ha, ha, don't let her speak.
Don't let her speak.
Don't let her speak.
What you will have here, what we have here is a pork tenderloin with a garlic,
mashed cauliflower.
The tenderloin has an apple glaze and perhaps too much glaze.
I guess I did too much and I apologize.
I guess I'm just a failure.
I guess David's right.
I'm sorry.
But I'm still so happy.
Even though I'm 40 to 50 negative thoughts about this meal. I'm sorry but I'm still so happy even more 40 to 15 negative thoughts about this meal I'm
sorry I'm so sorry also that I have a lazy person's hair that I pulled it so back so far so back
to 10 minutes and younger because I'm cheating and I'm going to go to the go my god just shut up
already that port does not look very good now the match call it a lot of that's I thought the pork look good
looked very gelatinous to me
but listen I say you're cooking for six skinny bitches you did a good job I would love that
cauliflower mush.
It was a little odd to me that Shannon made a pork roast I felt like these women
have never even approached a pork roast before.
What?
Yes.
You know.
Yeah.
So Shannon's like, uh, so what shall we get you to drink?
Gina, tequila, five shots and one little tiny glass. What we did to Miss Kelly back before she
earned her spat. Yeah. And Gina's like, yeah, I don't know if I should be drinking today. Maybe
that won't be good. She's like, okay, she'll have five shots of DeKeyla in a water bottle. So Shannon's
like, I want to go somewhere tropical to decompress because I am full of rage. I don't know what I'm
talking about right now. She just wants to decompress. Yeah, so they've decided they're all going to go
out. And Gina is like, I just get this five from from her where she doesn't like care for me at all.
Like she just looks right through me.
Like I just cried on the couch, okay?
What'd she do?
What'd she do for me?
She gave you pork, okay?
That's how Shannon computes people.
Yeah, exactly.
She's a feeder.
So now is the next day and speaking of feeding,
Kelly takes Jolie back the food kitchens
that would they conserve food to some homeless people and I'll help clean, etc. I was like, again,
another very cute scene. I'm sort of enjoying these adventures of Kelly and Jolie through
Orange County.
Yeah, it's one of the best homeless storylines I've seen on these shows. I actually have fun
with them because Kelly really does. Kelly just cracks up Well first of all they walk in and Julie's like Lori's like
Kelly's like you gotta teach kids lessons. I'm trying to be the best parents. I can be
So this time she's gonna learn a new job. So Julie has to serve serve the food, she doesn't get to cook it, she has to serve in the clean.
And while they're doing it, they're kind of joking with each other.
And Jolie is like, this is better than the food you make me.
And she goes, yeah, sorry.
Oh, and guess what, I think you're gonna miss Dennis today.
Maybe you shouldn't be talking about that.
You're a privileged white girl shit.
You're serving food, guys.
Yeah, and then Jolie is so sweet.
She starts to cry because she wants to give everyone a hug
and she just starts to cry because she cares so much.
So that was really sweet.
And then Kelly taught her how to mop a floor, which was good.
And Kelly was making fun of her
because she doesn't know how to sweep her mop. And so
Kelly's like, well, here's how you do it. You put them up and this thing and then you squeeze it
because, oh, that's what that had those for. But Kelly's doing that over the carpet. So,
she means they're both going to help us. I was mopped the carpet five times and it smells
weird and weird every single time. I don't get it! I don't. So then afterwards, Kellyanne Gina go meet at a park and Kellyanne is sitting there reading
about Jamaica.
She's preparing herself for the trip and she's like, did you know that the Spanish came
over Jamaica and they killed everyone?
They brought over disease.
She just starts laughing at the idea of the Spanish bringing disease over.
Yeah, it's like history is hilarious.
Yeah, so she's, we're slowly turning Kelly into a reza.
Very, very slowly turning.
Oh!
Oh, my God!
So, yeah, so Kelly, Kelly's been boning up on her Jamaican history.
She's like, she's like, Spain sold it to Britain and they broke her sleeves,
which is why it's primarily African American Jamaican
She knows like that's so funny you looked up history. I like to like what's a good excursion like where can I wait my bikini to it so
Fine I've all these bikinis because I'm getting divorced from Matt and I don't know what to do with my bikinis
in what we take such good vacations. Speaking of diseases do I have one? Kishanna treats me like a leppa.
And Kelly's like she just takes time I mean it's just funny like that. So she basically talks
her into giving her time and she's like it's not fair for her to get decide what's
enough time before she acknowledges you.
What's a friend like that anyway?
Like obviously you do.
Just let it go.
Just people like that, you just let them come to you.
I mean, Shannon's not attacking you
or like mobilizing people against you yet.
So I say you're winning.
Yeah, also when you are a little bit too much
of an open book, people know that they don't have to ask you
questions because you're gonna say it anyway. And in fact, I know it's had a chance to ask you of an open book, people know that they don't have to ask you questions
because you're gonna say it anyway.
And in fact,
I know it's had a chance to ask you how your day is, you know?
Yeah, especially because you say
the same things over and over again.
So she just doesn't want to engage
because it's just the same shit.
Yeah, you're annoying, okay?
Take the hit.
But she has to work with you, so there we go.
So then we go to the scaldly hot love affair between Emily and Shane as they go to
Fig and Olive for dinner.
Oh good lord Fig and Olive.
They're always at the Fig and Olive.
I know.
So they're walking in and she's like, if I had known I was going to walk with you, I would one-taller shill KINGO STORKES
Oh wait band, wait man, that was actually serious. I would literally have worn taller shoes, so
So then they get in there and they're playing the Apple iPhone music from like two two phones ago where it's like a girl singing on a
Plinky piano. It's like,
And then I got a phone in the phone.
You know those Apple commercials, they sound like children's music.
Yes, like Tweet Music, awful Tweet Music.
And you own Tweet Music, you should really consider your thoughts.
Like, you should, if you identify more with Tweet Music music than you do with our various versions of a loan by heart,
then you have some real soul searching you need to do.
Yeah, then what are you even doing here?
Yeah, if you get excited when you see a commercial
for a Toyota hybrid car,
and it's driving through sunflower fields,
and the music is all,
don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, and it sounds like a nursery sunflower fields and the music is all tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt And it's like, I need to boost your seat again, King of Snark has him. And I'm like, well, here's the pillow you can sit on this.
It'll make you taller.
And he just stares at her.
He's like, geek squatted incorrectly
You're out.
In your city, circuit city. Yeah, yeah, he's not even best by he's circuit city
So Emily's like so I just tried on bathing suits with Tamara. I mean who wants to do that?
Try on bathing suits with Tamara and she goes I do
Kiko Snarkin that. Try and bathing suits with Tamara and Shane goes, I do.
Okay.
So she's like, Hey, I know what we should talk about. Oh, so she orders a Christine means like, I just want skinny fries and a soda. Are you
five? First of all, look, I. I was like, are you five?
First of all, look, I'm being judgmental, but you've seen me order the exact same thing.
So I can't judge too hard, but he's like, I need a boost. I just have fries.
And then when he says, you're supposed to do a cheer scene.
He's like, hold on a sec.
And then he sits from his glass first.
He's like, cheers.
Okay, you know what?
You're just a dick.
You're just, you're not even being funny.
You're just rude.
Just leave him.
Just leave him.
I'm sorry, sarcastic, Ron.
You just don't get his, you don't get his comedy.
She needs to just leave his ass.
He's the piece of shit.
And if you want to be with someone funny,
get someone with the better sense of humor.
That guy sucks.
Yeah.
Yeah, he most certainly sucks.
It's joining along, hello tradition of men in Orange County
who suck.
See, it's Emily Orders and she's like, um, can I get the fig and olive salad and the
Christina's an appetizer and from my entree, I'm thinking about having another daughter,
whether you like it or not Shane.
So, or nine.
Or nine.
Or nine.
Or nine.
Or nine.
So, she's like, I'm going to see Dr. Najma body on Tuesday and she
goes, say hi to him for me. So what are we two with the embryos? He goes, oh god, this is a trap.
I just say murder him, throw him away,
submission him under your foot, eat him. Like there's no good answer for this. And she's like,
oh, it's exhausting. His reasons are reasonable, you know, my mind agrees, but my heart wants
his sister hard. And she's like, well, my sister says she won't do it again. And he's like, well,
I guess there's something to learn here, you know?
Like you can learn no means no and I don't want a fucking kid.
So good luck finding another husband stupid.
And yeah, he's like, I don't really like that you keep
pushing me in the daughter or direction.
I'm trying to be polite and nice about it,
but you keep pushing me and she's like, well, I don't think it's nice that you're not more open to
when I push you in that direction, even though you're polite about it.
Longer, lawyer, got you.
So then Vicki and Steve are packing to go to Michael's house in San Diego.
And you know, she's just doing whatever she can to a North Steve as usual.
That's how Vicki loves.
That's her love language.
She's like, Steve, you have water.
You need to drink more water.
If I could got stuff from my greediest, do you like my greediest?
We could have them.
You could put salt in your head.
Would you have water after it?
Because if you don't, you're just going to shrivel up a diet.
Oh, God, he got a driver.
You guys Friday said, Diego, we're going to you don't, you're just going to shrivel up a diet. Oh, God, he got a driver. You guys Friday said,
Diego, we're going to say, Diego, you want to go to say, Diego, I'm like, oh, it's
like, hey, Vic, how about after we see the kids in San Diego, we go back to our place
and salt some chicken breasts and get them ready to cook tomorrow afternoon. Is that for Baldy, you're speaking by leg width.
So, anyway, so Vicki wants to blend Steve's kids with her kids.
She might actually literally want to blend them.
She's like, okay, thanks, Sam.
It's just preadled, Fee.
I've decided to blend Steve's children to blend their drink there, but maybe I'll feel
it with my heart
Yeah, and so she's talking about
Steve's daughter Amanda and she goes her and Michael get along great at which point my mom who was sitting nearby
Put down the New York Times and goes she keeps saying her and Michael. It's she
Why do people talk that way and then she puts no then she just lifts up the newspaper again and goes back to reading the times.
That's about as much thought as we should all put it in the Vicki,
but you know, like we've put years into this, okay?
I just like that deep existential question.
Like, why do people talk like, why? Why?
Well, unfortunately, she missed the really good questions.
Like, why is this woman just constantly lying?
Like she goes, they get to his house,
it's like, oh, look at this.
I'm so happy.
He's got a beautiful girlfriend.
A beautiful, he's a beautiful hobo,
he's a vice president of a fabulous company.
Like, you know you bought that house
and gave him the job at that company, right?
I wouldn't even be surprised
if this is one of your like secretaries from work
that you just drove out here to shoot a scene bet.
Yeah, it's like Linda's time share. So, so they're making margaritas and everything. Let's go
up to the reef. Let's go up to the reef. It's a good, it's more room up there. So they go up and
she's, she's like the Vicki as the mother will take on the burden of all her children in the
form of a tray with crackers on it. She's like, okay, get a breathy cracker. So we're going up. Oh,
no, okay, lots of crackers. I'm sick. I got the crackers. Oh, no. Okay, get a breather crackers up. We're going up. Oh, no, okay. Okay, lots of crackers. I'm sick. It's got the crackers. Oh, no. Oh, jeez. Oh, no.
Woo, woo, woo, backwards. My crackers, Hank is empty. The crackers felt that.
So then she immediately starts it up. What do you have? You have your babies? What do
you guys get to get married? We are. You know, I'm married. Yeah, like that of us
married and Amanda Steve's daughter says,
I think sometimes some marriage ruins it.
She like, do what does it?
Look, I told you Steve, I have to be married
because like there has to be an egg gold.
Or I'm just gonna move on.
I'm just gonna move on.
After I purchased that motorcycle for you,
like tons of insurance,
like moved you into my house.
I'm just totally ready to move on now.
I thought the goal was to be happy, man.
Yeah. We have six kids and six grandkids.
And we have a lot of eyes looking at us. Like literally a lot of a lot of eyes. I go to see
food department and all the fish are looking at me. Like, will you eat me right now? And I'm
like, no, I'm about to get married instead. She's like, back your windows closet. You're
baby with those closets. She's like, uh, shut up my keys in there.
Don't worry, I have a cup of coffee.
I could pop it open with a sleeve crackers.
She just got nine embryos.
Do you want to just put a bit of, put a bit of, uh, a picture of iced tea or something
to see what happens?
Come on.
Uh, yeah, so like no brush, but by 32 you should be pregnant and then we see a whale in the
water, which was nice.
Also, you know that this girl, Danny, is not going to make it out alive because she's
like, me and Michael are probably just going to have bugs.
So yeah, then we see a whale and then Emily Emily Perry and Larry which is a couple of five
Perry and Larry almost as good as
Barry and Larry from below tech
The engineer in first made or whatever
Yeah, so they have this whole
Seen if the doctors where she's gonna talk about her
embryos and Perry's like oh let's find way trick him
Yeah, whatever and the doctors like yeah oh good the doctors like well you know you have some options you can
keep that keep the embryo we can keep them in storage we can donate to science
so we can destroy them and you know like and it's like you know it just sounds
so awful I'm like to be, like destroying sounds very severe,
but also keeping storage is also not what I want
for my children either.
Yeah.
We're donate to science.
We really all sound terrible options.
Actually, keeping storage sounds good.
I hope you can do that when you got them alive too.
I mean, I would have babies if you could just like,
put them in a UPS locker until you're done with the day.
That's just gonna pick them up. Yeah.
Help storage. Unlike the padlock. Like, oh, here's your food. Here's your
cable. Just press a little button on their head. Okay.
Getting the car now. Yeah. We're doing into science. I like helping the world.
Yeah. What kind of science? Do I get to pick the science? I'm really into car
battery science. I do something like lasers. So,
to a hair flick science, because I'm really, really interested. Is there any like posture
fixed fixing science? Baking science. I mean, that's a science. Oh my goodness. So, yeah.
So basically the doctor is like, you need to go to therapy
because you need to be on the same page
as your husband.
So we have that to like forward to later this season,
Emily and Shana therapy,
which is gonna be Shane sneering at a therapist
while Emily dots her the underside of her eyes.
Yeah, totally.
So Kelly goes to Mr. Chao,
or at least Chao, very different.
Yeah, because that was,
you are making me make her into a resident now.
Yeah.
Because Mr. Chow was shot.
So, yeah, they go to eat Chow and Chana is like,
ha, what, look at this.
A friend or a restaurant.
What am I supposed to do now?
Oh, my, I, I, I, I'm in a restaurant.
I see, I see people.
I see tables.
I don't see David, but I do see some sugary sauces.
And surely I could see oh
There's Kelly
I'm so pleased looking at the wall
Yes, I was so confused how that was there is is Lydia here by the chance I'd love to throw another menu at her
Oh, look at you
Have they be bro anywhere around here wanting to steal a chair?
Oh look there but there he is Alfredo. Hi Alfredo, hi!
So um so yeah so Shannon sits down and he was like I took a map. I took a map.
It's like okay. You're from Shannon said you're worse thing ever. Hey how are you Shannon?
Tired, he's exhausted, wiped out, got him tired.
You're doing everything.
So they're talking about packing for the trip, et cetera.
And Kelly is like, have you had the breakfast here?
And she's like, never been here before.
What are you gonna get?
She's like, risotto.
I'm like, you're getting risotto for breakfast?
Sounds good to me.
So she's like, wow, everything's catching up.
I packed and then I unpacked and have you packed her unpacked?
Oh god, how about frozen food?
Have you ventured into that world yet?
Well, what a world it is. I'm exhausted.
Have you thought about having a glaze on your risotto?
I have a bin of 27 bathing suits up.
And Shannon's like, screw you. I'm not putting a bathing suit on. I have a bin of 27 bathing suits up!
And Shannon's like, screw you, I'm not petting a bathing suit on. I put one on in Mexico
and it did not go well!
It was a total disaster and by bathing suit I meant the emotional facade of happiness.
Waiter, I would like the lightest beer you have with Blue Cheese. Thank you.
Can I just get one of those buffalo chicken dips, but just enough? I would like the lightest beer you have with blue cheese. Thank you
Can I just get one of those buffalo chicken dips, but just enough? Pink lass, thank you
So they talk about a little bit about their axis because Michael came over to Kelly's and they watched the funniest movie ever
You ever seen it's called chunners lists
It's about how the Polynesians brought disease blankets to the Mexicans.
Is that hilarious disease blankets?
I bet they don't sell that up here one.
That means you don't blankets.
So Shannon's like, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey I guarantee you David and I will never watch a ha ha movie. So okay, let's wrap that up
David and I separated we said are we anicable we went to football games together
We went to family dinner together. Ah, it's not the case anymore
That's the case
So now that we're on light discussions. Have you talked to the girls Gina about her little outburst the other night my frozen food party
and it's like yeah she said it was you me you me you
it's like you're hard to get to know listen I know what I like her I like her I
mean she's 21 years younger than I am. I mean, she doesn't seem to understand how the world works.
She doesn't even know what a spatula is. She talks nonsense all the time and sometimes has a face that looks like a pumpkin,
but I like her. She's lovely. I just don't have much in common with her. You know, I like to be worldly and say
intelligent things sometimes and she's just an idiot, but I like her. I like her a lot.
sometimes and she's just an idiot but I like her I like her laugh. Oh I don't even know those girls. She's new girls. What? Do you remember when Emily said are
we gonna get to see fun Shannon tonight? Well I haven't seen fun Emily. Who's
that? I haven't met her of you. I've seen that killer. Is that I've seen killer
him? Is is there a fun Emily? Is there I don don't think there's even an Emily in history. Emily Dickinson?
NAT FUN! NOT!
I cannot think of one Emily. It's not so sad.
Emily?
I was gonna say Emily Roosevelt. That was just made up.
Let me taste it. Emily, once she's not blunt at all!
She's very passive aggressive from what I hear.
And that's not fun. A quiet place. She needs a quiet place.
It's called out on my site. from what I hear and that's not fun a quiet place she needs a quiet place it's
called out of my sight Emily Simpson I don't even know who that is not fun Emily
the French lady in Emily well she was pretty fun but I think her name was
Amelie Emily okay that's different. How about Emily Pan Camp?
How about this?
You know what I want revenge for?
Losing my time watching your stupid show.
You know what?
I really am shocked at.
I looked up Emily on the internet.
I don't know who any of these girls are.
Emily, Radajowski.
Oh.
Emily and Matt Fyland.
Hey, have fun with your blurred lines.
Emily Radajowski, you know what's thick headed?
You.
Yeah, I don't know.
Sorry, Emily.
I don't know you.
You were the other Emily's?
Um, Radajowski, Emily and Matt Hyland, East Village,
grilled pizza, and urban dictionary,
and Emily is a girl who can be very shy at first,
but she doesn't show it.
But once an Emily gets to know you some,
she may get a little crazy.
How about, did you look up famous people named Emily?
That might be more helpful.
No, I'm over Emily talk.
Hey, how about Emily?
They should know.
Now is starting to make sense why these ladies
are throwing them on Twitter, because Gina and Emily
has been like, shut up, Shannon.
Basically on Twitter for the past couple of weeks.
And it's been lovely to see. And she's's really getting she's really ruffling Shannon's feathers
But you know Shannon Shannon's typical Shannon. She's kind of a Vicki. She's not going to be nice to you at first. Yeah
Yeah, well
I'm alone
How do I catch you alone?
And that brings us to the end of Orange County. We will see you guys tomorrow night in
Well, the we'll see you Thursday night. Yeah tomorrow. We got below dad
We'll have a blow deck episode up and then Thursday real house on the Dallas y'all
Dallas is a fun live show. It really is. We had fun in Denver doing it
We had fun in Atlanta doing it. We've had fun anywhere we've done it
and it will, the street will continue because I feel like this week's episode is gonna be hilarious and dressed up in 80s costumes.
So you guys go to watch crabbins.com to get those tickets and also to buy your king of snorkehs and t-shirts.
And then we'll just, we'll be back tomorrow. Get on that yacht, right? Yeah, everybody, we'll see you later.
Bye.
Bye.
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