Watch What Crappens - RHOC: Read Between These Salmons

Episode Date: October 3, 2018

On this week's Real Housewives of Orange County, Shannon hawks her salmon meals on QVC and manages to commit the most cardinal sin of all: bending down to pick up a card!! Plus, Kelly Dodd goes to theatre school, Vicki rides a bike, and Gina talks to her parents. Come check out our recap! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors! Christy Wowardy-Dowardy! Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low.

Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the burger! Just saying, okay! Shannon out of a cannon Anthony! Ain't no thing like Allison King Back in the slayer Taylor Anna God. I love that banana Anderson Susie going to the Tobin Hava Nagila Weber Ashley Savoni. She don't take no baloney hot dang. It's Jessica And our super premium Patreon subscribers, Kelly Grant, the Grant Master, Give them home, Miss Noel, the incredible edible Matthews sisters,

And Lizzie Drucker, a fun mother f- Watch what crap ends, watch what crap ends, who cares what happens when there's so much that crap ends I've been so much that crap ends I've been so much crap ends I've been so much crap ends I've been so much crap ends I've been so much crap ends I've been so much crap ends I've been so much crap ends

I've been so much crap ends I've been so much crap ends I've been so much crap ends Oh, but me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, me, oh, me, oh, me, me, oh, me, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, me, oh, me, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, me, oh, me, me, oh, me, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me, me, oh, me, oh, me, oh, me special day because I'm here with Ben who I'm with every day. I love it, dammit. Every day is special. Every day is special, Ronnie. You were special just like everyone else. That's right. Well, I don't know why we're talking all Dallas talk because we're here to talk Real House House of Orange County today.

But before we do, just a friendly reminder that next week we're in New York to talk Dallas. Look at that. I switch route back to Dallas again. That's gonna be Thursday the 11th at the Grammar C Theater. It's a huge theater. And I even, I went and I looked at the little scene chart, you know, for like the tickets that are available.

And basically there's only like one and a half for SoRose left, maybe two, but there's not a lot of tickets left, y'all. So go to watchacrapans.com to get the ticketing link for that. And then in November, we have a Seattle show, which should be awesome. Our first time in Seattle, so excited.

And then in December, Nashville, be my first time in Nashville, excluding a layover, I once had, on Southwest Airlines. So that's all gonna be fun. And of course, this Friday, tickets go on sale for the 2019 Crappies. Which will be super fun. We did the crappies last year at the improv in LA.

It was a small room with only like 50 people. We had an amazing time. We had so many guests It was just hilarious and amazing and this year we are getting the main room on a Saturday night Which is actually a really big deal to be in the main room at the improv on a Saturday night But we got it y'all and we're gonna have a great time so tickets for that go on sale this Friday at 9 a.m Pacific you guys have to come I think it's going to sell up pretty quickly because the last ones will die really quickly. So that's it. Do it. Also it is the

last week to get your head batch t-shirts. So go over to watch it at crappens.com or crappensamerts.com. Next week there's going to be a brand t-shirt. And we also have ring tones coming up. We've been a little behind on our ring tones. So there is a treasure trove of ring tones this week going up. You get all those at Patreon plus our bonus episodes. This week's bonus episode was deep dive into all the TV that we've been watching that's non bravo, all the dramas, the comedies, whatever. We have so much fun with those. So thanks to everybody who supports us on L Patreon. And if you don don't get your ass over there and sign up It's like a whole different show. We're doing over there. Yeah, it's really good. It's really really fun

So also fun orange county the whole world of orange county I'm still gonna talk Dallas talk because I just like talking like Dallas people sometimes Yeah, we were talking about Dallas before we started today We're really into our Dallas voices. I mean, I I mean, I like will dependably drop into a Leanne voice doing nothing. I'll be like going to star by so I'm like, I'll have Vante please, Vante Coffee, you know, just just for the sake of it.

You know, I still can't stop Gina from real House was a milpin. Yeah in significant ass here well hopefully someday the the latest season of that will air on Bravo for a moment it looked like it was gonna happen Bravo put up a little teaser on the bottom of the screen and then it went nowhere and then Jackie Gilles herself responded to a tweet that one of our listeners made and was like the tweet was something like when is it coming back and she's like well we haven't been commissioned for another season yet so I don't know. So

which sex I mean come on the best show ever I love that so yeah come on Australia like what else are you making down there okay doing get it together. Muriel's wedding the min mini series come on now. So, um, which I would actually also tell you to look queen of the desert. Like our knowledge is like so, so fast. I know strictly ballroom. The series. They actually do do that somewhere. There is a strictly ballroom. So yeah. And guess what? I'm never going to watch it. So bring back real housewives of Melbourne. Dammit. Yeah. Um, also, by the way, as long as we're just blabbing about almost nothing, Real Housewives of Atlanta

is coming back. The trailer was released yesterday. We are doing a trailer deep dive on Friday. You don't want to miss it. And yes, we will be addressing important topics such as Portia being engaged. So we will be talking about that. If any of you guys were like, why aren't you talking about Atlanta?

That's why. Yeah, we will, okay, get up for ass. Yeah, we're going to. Maybe we already have. Yeah, possibly. You know what I'm saying? So now to begin this episode, I just want to remind everybody

who doesn't believe in Jesus that you have no moral compass inside of you. Okay, so just turn this show off right now and go figure yourself out. Oh, and apparently I really bothered someone by the way I say a compass. Because I guess you say compass, but I say compass because I'm from New York. So apologies to people who are offended by the way I say compass. Oh, yes, there's some wood around it. Okay, there's some wood around it.

Yeah, there's certain trigger words for me, like Mario. Like I try to say Mario, but sometimes I say Mario Mario's the right way to say it, but you know, Ramona's in New York are like you are Mario And then sometimes water what are I have a heart people make ways to water and I guess comments so I guess I also say costume people always say it's costume and I say costume So you know these are the idiosyncrasies that just make me, me, okay? Yeah, what do you sit there and watch the crowd and criticize how they talk? Yeah.

No, that's me. I'm like, why are you talking funny? Because I'm the queen of England bitch. Yeah. Okay, so we open up with Vicki. You know, she's gotten Steve some birthday presents from Harley and, gee, I wonder if she paid for them. Probably not because she basically comes out with Harley on every inch of her crazy face.

Yeah, exactly. Because Steve is going to teach Vicki how to ride a motorcycle. So for the occasion, she's wearing a Harley Davidson t-shirt, you know, because she's being very literal, you know. It's like, that's like, okay, I'm learning how to drive, so I'm gonna put it on a shirt that says Toyota. Why would you do that? Hashtag. It's like, you know what, you know what, Bob, it brings up one of my other pet peeves.

You know, I have so many pet peeves, I'm so glad I feel like the last year of this podcast, I've really been airing them all out. But I hate when people go to either a sporting event or a concert and they wear a shirt for something that's like, like, if you go to like a Yankees game and you wear a, like an Atlanta Braves t-shirt and it's like the Yankees are, let's say the Yankees are playing the Royals.

I don't know. And you wear a Braves shirt. It's like, Yankees are, let's say the Yankees are playing the Royals. I don't know. And you wear a bravest shirt. It's like, why are you doing that? Like, the bravest aren't playing. It's like, I see you're wearing a shirt that like, you know, suggests, you know, an awareness of baseball, but it's like, it doesn't really make sense. Why are you doing that?

You know, it's like, as it's rude. Yeah, it's like, what's someone wearing like a Steve Miller band concert t-shirt, like a Dave Matthews band concert. It's like, well, that's nice like someone wearing like a Steve Miller band concert t-shirt. It's like a Dave Matthews band concert. It's like, well, that's nice. Yeah, it's like eating like eating, it's like taking your own Wendy's, Steve and McDonald's. Yeah, it's rude. It's like, okay, you have an awareness of what a concert is and you've been to,

you're announcing you've been to a concert or another baseball game, but it has no relevance to this. So why are you doing that? Either wear a Dave Matthews t-shirt or a Yankee t-shirt or a Royal t-shirt or just something else. But like when someone wears, what's even worse is when you go to a baseball game and someone's wearing a football jersey and you're like, that doesn't even make sense. It's like, oh, you're at a sporting event. So just all sporting event, jock wear accounts now. That doesn't work. I just love the idea of you sitting there in a smit at a sports arena like

There's so much going through your head. I'm like are there 10 cent hot dogs, okay? That's what I used to have when I watch the Diablo's play in El Paso That's all I really good a sports for if you don't have 10 cent hot dogs just give me for warning. I'll stay at home I'm always in a snit. That's what you have to know. I'm always in a snit about something. Something, you know, like it's funny because every now and then I think to myself, I'm going to write a book of assays and then I'm like, what am I going to write about? All my stories are just like superficial stories about seeing a celebrity in LA and then I realize I have a lot of, a lot of these pet peeves that probably have stories attached.

And I feel like I really have to mine this territory for my health. That's all I do is complain, you know? And I like it. I've talked about on this show, like going to therapy or reading self-help books and becoming a better person. It's horrible.

I've done it before. And that's why I never suggested to anybody on Bravo because if I'm a good person, I have nothing to talk about. So how are you doing today? Good. Nobody wants to hear that. I started losing friends.

They started just falling off like flies, okay? We all say we want to be positive, but then we really want to complain about shit. And if you're not going to be able to complain to your friends, then fuck off. You'll have to go find new friends, you know? Yeah, but at the same time, if you say to someone, hey, how are you doing?

And they say tired, then it's like, okay, shut the fuck up. And in fact, I once read an article in Esquire that said, one rule never, ever, ever respond to the question, how are you with the word tired? Just don't do it. Because if you're tired, like, people are like, oh, no one knows how to respond to it. And also no one cares if you're tired, honestly.

Yeah, everyone's tired, okay? The world's fucking tired. Stop your bitching. You just got to speak. Just speaking of something happy. Yes. So speaking of tired Vicki on a motorcycle. A lot of that. So the reason Vicki picked off a lot there.

Wow. Yeah, I really did that. Harley David's in shirt. The only reason Vicki's wearing that, it's not because she's going, she's trying to put you in a sports knit. It's because she got free shit from her or she didn't get free shit. She probably got like 20% off something at Harley Davidson. It was like, oh, wait, I'm a TV show.

Cause you know that that's how Vicki does every transit transaction, you know? Yeah. So that's why I says Steve, who's possibly the most boring person on a motorcycle. I've ever it's like giving her call a motorcycle. It's like putting grimace on a motorcycle. Like in a Morpheus purple blob on a motorcycle. Great. Yeah, he's like, this is going to be really easy, Vic.

Just sit on and hold me by the muffin top. And she's like, he's turned into 16 this year. You know, one of the things he misses is riding a motorcycle. So I encourage him. I encourage him. Regid motorcycle Steve. Regid, I'm about, I Regid, what do they call them? Not a wifey.

An old lady. I'm an old lady now. An old lady. An old lady. Steve's old lady now. She's like, I'm in the skit of motorcycles and then highlight of the episode, Flashback to Vicki and Linda at the office talking about motorcycles and because like, so Linda, you ever been on the motorcycle?

Linda's like, nah, I don't trust them. You know, I see an accident with them, you you know they stop in traffic and the car behind it doesn't see him and they stop short and hit the motorcycle and guy flies in the air and it comes down someone goes and runs over him and then a marching band comes over and the bird pants had a eyeball and next thing you know before you know it lightning comes down and strikes him right there. He's a sittingish. He can on the ground and then before you know it, God sends a flood. And he starts drowning. And somehow he survives all that and he sits up in a tree

falls right on his face. It's like one thing after another. Then Peter's mad at him for killing a tree. Aren't they the forsaving the seals or something? So Peter comes in and starts stabbing him in the love handles. It's terrible. Everyone's got a complaint about something else, you know. It's like everyone's got an issue. Guys on motorcycles in Orange County are like those goddamn birds beating against a boom. Ah, there's another one, Nick. There's another one.

He's like, I gotta say, how about everyone just stays at home. How about that? How about that for an idea? How about none of you just get on the road and kill yourselves? Okay, stop being like he's dumb birds. These birds have been around for 500 million years to crashing into windows, okay?

The birds can't figure it out. What makes you think you can? Just stay at home already. I've got a collar on my Bluetooth, Vic. Got a collar on my Bluetooth. So Vic, he's like, no! No! No, she's, Vic, he's like, no!

Vick, he's like terrified now. Yeah. But of course, immediately ensure Steve, probably. So, just look at all of his mom's money or whatever he's living off of. Yeah, because she hops on the bike and straps her arms around him. And she just immediately starts screaming, which is actually what I would do. She's like, slow down, slow down, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no one at a time on screen. I think it looks terrifying I mean have you ever you know like when you get on a golf cart and you haven't been on a golf cart in a long time

If you sit down, you're like oh, it's a lovely little golf car and it starts up there. Holy shit This thing's going fast and it's only going five months per hour, but it like five months per hour golf cart feels like you know When you're not used to golf carts, you're like holy fucking shit. I'm like not tied in anything and I'm speeding. So I can't even imagine what a motorcycle feels like. It's probably terrifying. It is, but I I'm trying to ride one. You ride one.

Well, I ride a, I ride a vest about which is very different. You know, you don't have to think about gearshifting with your feet and all that. You just like twist it and go and then before you know it, you're a giant polar bear. You're also whisking through, whisking through town on your. You're also, you're whistling through, whistling through town on your tiny bike. Yeah, it's one thing. I also don't have to give in the screaming

on my goddamn ears, okay? If everybody had a Vicky on the back of them, on the back of their motorcycle, every motorcycleist would be dead, okay? It's like the most dangerous thing to have on your motorcycle is a Vicky screaming in your ears. You have the moral compass. You have the moral compass.

Well, I'll tell you one thing. I once was in Orange County on the 91 freeway. And traffic was stopped for a very long time because there was an accident with the motorcycle. And I don't know what happened, but I saw two little helmets on the side of the road. And it was very scary. So you know what?

I think Linda and I may have seen the same thing. Well, I've crashed into a window on my vest, but like a bird. So there you go. Just kidding. So Sharon is getting ready to go on a trip and she's just gotten a huge box of pills from Amazon Yeah, Sharon and plus her heart. She's like going through her favorite ritual, which is organizing them She's like Monday night Tuesday morning Tuesday afternoon. Tuesday night Wednesday., ha! Ha! I made it Wednesday with my vitamins. Sophie, did you see?

I mean, vitamin C, probiotics for a healthy flora. Orbits gum for my breath. Checklets, which looks like orbits and a vitamin. Here's an M&M. She's just saying it's all candy, it's all candy. It's all candy, It's all candy. Mike and I. Mike and I. Oh, here's one of my friends.

I always take my vitamins in gummy form. Sometimes they're just not even vitamin. They're just gummies. So here's a gummy bear. And you know, fun as ever. She's like, you're going to, you're going to watch a show and Wednesday kids, huh? You're going to watch with your dad. Huh? What time is it on what time? They're like a I like that her kids like low-key just hate her guts. Yeah Well, yeah, cuz she's like so you'd be watching and Wednesday when I'm on television and they're like yeah

Well, we're gonna watch it at dad's house and she just gets this look like Well David has to have a TV see we're responsible enough to get a TV I mean, I don't know if I can trust a man who would only bring two bottles of wine for dinner party. I don't know how he's going to see it through the mood on banks of his, but okay. That's great. Also, what a positive experience watching this with David.

You know David and his new hoe are just sitting there like, ah, she dropped the fork. Yeah, they're like doing like a crash your versions of camera sitting there watching with your kids sounds fun he's probably like installed monkey bars in his living room and he just will go back and forth like on them while the TV's playing is like yeah you want how about you start doing exercise Shannon how about that yeah how about sput and beer

by the way Shannon looks great these days. Have you seen her on Instagram? She's like, she is, her weight loss journey is, it looks like it is headed in a hundred percent the right direction. Well, I think I'm gonna need to order some salmon with some cream cheese inside. Cream cheese has probiotics.

Um, Shannon's like, so, would you like me to do some sort of Sucking Wipe on TV? I'm like shenan I hate to break it to you, but you're already on TV in fact you're being filmed at this moment Like right now. I'm having you in this scene so that you'll know that I'm talking to you from the TV Well, you're watching it on the go-to I love a recursive moment I love our cars at moment. Ah! Ah!

Pretty good. So then they go through the kids, they go through the kids clothes and stuff because she's taking Sophie with her. And she tells us like her, her philosophy on dressing her kids. She's like, I had my own issues with my mother,

sparring over things to wear, but today I'm glad she pushed me into that traditional set. You look like Madonna just died and like, is standing at the gates of heaven and we'll be let in and this outfit. She's wearing a Madonna slash charo thing on the top of her head ponytail thing. And then this weird white polyester outfit with a bib. What is this? And who allowed this? I didn't even notice what she was wearing. White polyester outfit with a bib. What is this? And who allowed this? I didn't even notice what she was wearing. Why polyester with a bib?

In the testimonial when she's sitting there doing her testimonials in that white outfit. She's got like a Madonna ponytail thing and a bib. And it's the weirdest. It's shadowing. It's pretty. I'm on the baby diet. It's the cool thing since Keto.

Well, right when you finish grilling your salmon, you'll know it's done because it says, wha, wha, wha, wha. Which means that David will be ready to date it soon. So Shannon's like, yeah, my approach to parenting is more of discipline and structure. David is more lax. He's just basically a shitty, shitty parent. Almost as bad as a parent as he wants a husband! Here, light shadow, bedore. Kill off my bad parenting! David prefers to parent by the phrase cheater cheater pumpkin eater how to wife and cheater on her daven gun

I don't care. I'm happy But one day my kid will say wow she was tricked and enforced discipline because she loved us so much Ha, I'm so loving David David I think it's time to go to commercial. Do you want to go to commercial? David? David? David. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasive.

And I'm Sydney Battle and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Beaver, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and

lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondering Out. So back to Vicki and Steve writing on their motorcycle, they stop at Draco Canyon. Yeah. And she's like, oh my god, what do we do? What do I do? What do I just say?

What do I do? He's like, for what I do? He's like get off the bike fucking moron So this heaven is this is seven did I die like Linda said I'm dead. Oh my god Haven't the bike about I can't believe it. Oh my god. Please tell me your families did here having another party for me So um so Steve goes up to this bar to order something and she's like, oh wow, look at Steve. He's going up to the bag of bars on himself. Look how sexy he is.

He says how sexy he's going up to the bag of bars. That's what I'm saying. He's just a sort of fries. Yeah. And he's walking around like, yeah, he's got that sexy look on his face. I'm gonna cure our mom jeans. Okay, you need to just stop it right now.

So I don't know if I'm a big bit of psycho rather, but it just put my life, I'm gonna cure our mom jeans. Okay. You need to just stop it right now. So I don't know if I've a big bit of psycho rather, but it just put my life, I become a supervisor. Yeah. There's only one bike of bitch on the back of his bike. And it's me. Makes me sad for the bike. I'd like to stop colleague the bike of bitch and old lady. Okay. Holy I second that bullshit. I second that bush it. I second that bush it. Harley Davidson just shuts down.

They're like going out of business sale. We've decided we've jumped the shark with our own motorcycles. Vicki has completely made motorcycles unfashionable. So we're gonna go into, we're gonna go into rascals instead. Harley Davidson rascals. It's more of a speed now. Bike or motor.

The week that Vicki killed the motorcycle economy. Haha. Haha. Haha. So Vicki is, uh, Vicki's like, well, Steve, now that we've got Becky, let's talk about the dinner party I had just had fun. And not at all to flirt with another person, well, I pretended that you met nothing to me.

And I totally sheeps the first second I got a chance. Haha. Well, yeah. So they start talking about Gina's divorce and how I just got to work for it. You just got to work for it. You know, I just got to work for it, you know, and at some point, at one point she basically says to Steve,

am I everything to you? Am I everything? And he's like, uh, yeah, everything and more, which is also the name of these fries. You're everything and a bag of chips. No, I mean, will you get me that bag of chips? and more, which is also the name of these fries. You're everything and a bag of chips. No, I mean, will you get me that bag of chips? Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you so much. I've just tried to tell Cheetah, you know, make sure what you're doing. Cause she's so young, she's so gorgeous. Her breasts are so supple. Who would look good? She's like, you know, it's the kids are the ones that are gonna suffer.

I'm like, I think the interior decor and that household has already done enough damage. I don't think the divorce is really going to impact at that point. Yeah, no kidding. Your kid literally moved to Iraq to get away from you. Okay. Like, Brianna's walking around downtown mausole somewhere in like a burka because she doesn't want to talk to you. It's a point for all we know, picky. And she's like, yeah, but you know, I think about Todd because looking back at a barrage, I just did put in the effort. Bear shakes work, you know, I see no effort for Vegeta. Okay, you not only did not put in work, you're both cheating on each other, Vicki. He called you a stupid bitch in public and then you were fucking Brooks on the side of some of the key to in in the middle of nowhere, an insurance conference.

Please give me a break. The only reason you regret divorcing Don is because you have to pay him out of money and everybody knows it. Yeah, exactly. So Vicki's like, I just want you to work hard for a marriage because the bus is there forever decision. I'm like, or it's not if you decide to get back together. Vicki doesn't understand like, you know, destiny math at all. She's so stupid. And Steve is like, yeah, the grass is not necessarily greener. You know, I walked down the coldest sack and stuck my penis in someone's grass. And yeah, I ended up coming back to you. Look at you, your mulch. And here I am still with you.

Turns out the grass isn't always greener. Sometimes it's a pebble scape. And it's beautiful. If you've ever seen a pebble scape before, Vicki, it's great. Can you pass some more of those unsalted chimps? Thanks so much. Yeah, you know what I always say Sometimes you got to why do you roll grass? You don't want to your own grass either. Who the fuck do you think you're kidding lady? So then something really disturbing happens We see B-roll footage the beach and playing in the beach and then we see like this girl's ass And she like walks across the screen, but she's sort of like,

she like limps and walks very slowly and her butt is like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And I mentioned this because the editors decided to build a wipe transition around her ass. So as she walks across the screen, we also transition from the beach to Emily's house. But it's this weird ass transition, but it's not even graceful. It's not even like some like

Like beautiful ass. That's just walk walking gracefully by it's like the person is like limping and then like almost tripped on like a Seat shell is like having issues getting through the sand because you know, we've all been there We're like gosh, I I feel like I should have gotten a lot farther this sand that makes me so slow it was someone who's like unsteady in the sand and the editors were like let's make that the transition. Well you know that they have an intern working in there because no one on full-time salary decides to like just make a creative wipe. Yeah. It's like someone who's like I got a master in film and I'm gonna make it pay off on this B-roll footage.

So congratulations in turn. Yeah, they had to build like a whole like mat around it. Like not a mass. Yeah, that's a mass. That's a mass. Yeah, they had to build like a whole mass, which meant they created like a little path where they made little dots all around that ass,

and they like, and they feathered it too. They did a feather on the edge, so that way it would be a little smoother. So it was like this feathered ass wipe. Literally it was an ass wipe. When people say you're such an ass wipe, this was an ass wipe, an ass wipe transition. That was feathered.

Well, maybe the editors here is annoyed with Emily's storyline is us because we wipe into this new scene where a kid is pooped all over himself and doesn't know how to wipe. So you see it's really pilotry at the end of the day. You're right, and I take it all back. You have poop on you. Oh my god, you have poop all over you. Okay, now it's good to Kelly's. Yeah, that's what it was. Thanks guys. So Kelly calls up

Gina and it's like, hi, I'm gonna have a luncheon to watch Shannon show. We're gonna watch Shannon show. You want to come to the luncheon? Good. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Sophie, do you have your carry on? Do you have it Sophie? Sophie? Do you have a carry on? Do you have it? Yeah, I don't see it. I don't see it. Where's the carry on? I don't see it. It's where it is. Oh, there it is. Oh, well, I'm so glad you have it. It makes me so happy on the carry on. Now, now Sophie, now what is this thing about Wednesday

where the world's supposed to end? They say that every year, mom. She's like, well, there's not going to be a lot of sales. If the world ends, is there Sophie? Is your carry on in here? I'm scared. Sophie just jumps out of the car and starts rolling down the freeway. Well, Sophie, if the world is going to end, you want to have your crazy comforts around you. Here lies Sophie Bedore killed without her carry on luggage.

Where is that nice conservative jacket I brought you to. I want you to dress like Madeline. So then we get Gina's lunch date with her mom and dad. And you know if it's like kid it's like, kid, I have a tool, glass, it's what I'd like to. And you just, I already love this guy. He's got B ma hair. He's got full on Tyler Texas, me ma hair going on.

And you just like, I want to hot water with lemon, please. And her mom's like, I have a red sangria. So already we can see mom is like, I'm gonna party with these two lemos until glass of tonic water Yeah, so mom has to listen to both of these people shit because Gina's the one who like wants to cry about the same thing every day And you can tell the dad is the same way Because he's like a focus is you the grad children listen by clock is ticking. I was like, oh my god

What what's wrong with him? I was like, oh no, it does he have terminal cancer. He's like I'm gonna be retiring early from 18T. And then we'll have less options. Okay? Lock is a ticket. And the mom's like, can I have a second? Yeah.

So they start talking about the divorce and Gina's saying how like, like she and she and Matt are gonna go to therapy to figure out ways to tell the kids about the divorce and Gina is saying how like she and she and Matt are going to go to therapy to figure out ways to tell the kids about the divorce and everything and the mom and dad like well we were shocked. We were shocked when we found out that you were no longer getting divorced from Matt. I mean we thought it would totally work out. You guys living in two different zip codes and like you're not knowing where he actually was and him not ever wanting to talk to you ever come and visit you we're shocked. I think that if he had really bitten the bullet and gotten me more here we wouldn't be

having this discussion right now. And then we saw a flashback because they've been married for 40 years. We saw flashbacks of them when they were younger and Gina's dad was hot back in the day. I know he's so hot. Didn't I make you afraid to get old? It did. Er. I mean, I guess I am old, but.

No, not you. I'll always be older than you. That's one promise I can make you Benjamin. That's true. So Gina goes, you know, it's going to be hard because Matt and I have a lot of mutual friends in Cotto. Like the postman, there's this container of orange juice we've been keeping in our fridge for a long time.

Sometimes we both talk to that. Um, the lady at the Pilates place, no hurry, we both know her, we both said hi to her. Oh, the girl in the express lane check out. Yeah, she's a robot. There's also Joan. She's not a real person, she's just like a cut out. They have at the bank by the ATM Who says guess what you can get a free savings loans and counts and whatever's so she's nice

Yeah, a lot of friends She's like, yeah, so I met these girls They're so different than they go on long-glydling like these girls I just want to talk about the train wrecks of of marriages and their relationship, you know train wrecks It's just so chaded like that's all they wanted to talk about what train wrecks of marriages and their relationship, you know, train wrecks are just so chated. Like, that's all they wanted to talk about. What about lifting me up, huh? What about lifting me up?

Hey, what about not talking about your divorce with a bunch of divorced old crones? Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Every five minutes. So at this point, her mom, Sangria, arrives. And you know, the mom was like, thank God. And she's like, oh, well, this looks beautiful because it was like a sangria with a strawberry

and in some flowers, but there sangria was like, it was like a layer, a thick layer of sangria that seems to be resting on, honestly, would look like a big layer of chicken fat. I did not know what was happening. They were like, oh wow, look, it's Lakers. I'm like, what do you have layers in your sangria? What is that called a layer?

Yeah, I was kind of like an Arnold Palmer sangria? It looked like it was orange juice or something at the bottom But how does that lay below the sangria out because your orange juice it was we are as your orange juice separated from the rest of your sangria And why is there a strawberry in there? I am opposed to strawberries in sangria, but that's also because I hate strawberries Yeah So the mom's like okay the ambulance is here my sand graze. Yeah, it has like speaking of ambulances I've only got two weeks before I Decide before I donate before I donate to the local ambulance core

Well, well Gina. I got bad news. I only got about a month left and my subscription to EW. So everybody has been wondering how Gina's gonna get divorced, even though her husband doesn't help her anyway. And she does have a backup plan. And that is to have her parents become the parents of the children, which I say good mood, sister.

Cause their parents are gonna move into to have to take care of the kids, which, you know, could could you go girl? Well, after they heard that there's playgrounds and so many playgrounds that are open all year long, I mean, how could they resist? The second I heard, there's a strawberry patch. I could take a shit on. I decided it's time to take two weeks and then kill the rest of my work schedule so I could get out here. Well, the clock is ticking. We only have about a week left before the strawberries and our fridge go bad. So, thank God we got this one here on the sangria.

So then we get wacky Emily's high jink story of possibly getting pregnant on accidents. Yeah, Emily is over at her in-laws house, so we get to see Perry again. And the kids are screaming and wild, and they're like banging on the piano, and they're like, kids, oh my God.

Let's have another one. Yeah. So she's basically saying, I made an appointment for a doctor, and I have nine embryos left. And I want one more girl because my mom had mental issues, and my sister's the only thing that pushed us through. So I want to give that to Annabel. I mean, if you really want to give that to Annabel, then you have to go through the same story of mine and have mental issues and be a terrible mother.

So how about you just be happy with what you have? Yeah, the little guy doesn't want another kid, okay? And you can't just show up accidentally with an embryo one planted in you. Yeah, the storyline is stupid. Yeah, exactly. So Emily tells us to parry, and then we learned this tragic story that Emily had a lot of miscarriages and she had twins and at four months she gave birth to them and lost them and then she almost died because she lost so much blood and the nurses were around her crying and she felt

like this is what was like to die and everything and parry is like you know well it was a really sad really really sad story and then we got back to Paris, who was like, yeah, I just wrote about my birth control pills. That's how it went. And I went to boom! And I'm really like, see, we're both rebels. So Tamra arrives at the hotel to meet Shannon and what's her brother Sophie in Philadelphia.

And Tamra's just a burst of positivity. Yes, you know, she is. First of all, she's like, well, we're both off the bat, but now I'm in physical therapy. Batch, batch. And Shannon's like, oh, and how is any feeling? I said that loudly and clearly so you could hear it and see it. And it was on camera.

So there's a full record of me showing interest in you, Tamra Judge. I got you a card. It says, how is Eddie? Your husband that you love, that I care so deeply about, Tamra. I don't even single from Eddie Money. What shows how much I appreciate Eddie and money, and I'm giving them both to you, because I care. I only have fingernails on the way here, so I've got ahead and ordered some monster cheese, in order of Eddie.

I went to Staples before this and got you 10 pairs of scissors, that way you could reenact Edward Scissor hands in honor of Eddie and how is he feeling? I was watching Frazier on the plane on the way over here just to see how cute little Eddie is. Oh god that dog. I brought a horse here from across the street and I put some peanut butter in his mouth and hopefully he'll begin talking soon because of course I care about all ads including Mr. Red. Oh, horse is a horse of course of course now how is Eddie? And Tamer is like, he had his third Cadiabashan, Sepha, it's what?

And then we see Tamer, she's like, I just, you know, I have to leave Eddie doing his third county aversions because it came to support your shadow, that's, and it was really hard. And he's like, she's like, sorry, I already picked my flight. I gotta go to Philadelphia. He's like, although he actually was probably happy. He probably was probably so excited.

Yeah. So then Tamra, so after all this, Tamra is such an underminer. She's like, okay, so are you ready? Like, I, I, are you ready for this? You can't mess up. Okay. Because if you bomb, well, I'm just saying, just be prepared. Do you have any, do you have anything in script?

Write, write, write, write down the bill of points. You have a script. You have no card. You should bring a note card. And she's like, well, I'm, I'm better off the cuff, but like, maybe, script, you have no card, you should bring a note card. And she was like, I'm better off the cuff, but like, maybe in the small points, no, I should have a note card. I would get a note card because what Tamer said.

But you need that at least have bullet points. Also, bullet blender, that's really how they probably have the atmosphere with cream cheese. 70 when you learn your lines, stupid. And how is your blender? Note that I'm asking about your blender now. I hear it's an ninja.

Oh, well, I just thought the asskeyback shenanets becomes a fjbom, that's it! You never come in back here again! They won't even let you back in Philadelphia. Yeah, you're gonna make the limited bell crack even more than breaking the half and everyone's gonna hedge in America. So don't say bomb unless you're saying, you're the bomb Eddie. Which is something I say every day.

Oh. Oh. And then shadowed, of course, she's there for her diet food. And she's like, all I have had today is a fingernail and a dream. So let's eat. I'm almost eating Sophie's arm off. Hello, friend desk. I hear you have

some ginger snaps in a jar. Do you have any available? No, okay. So that was a callback for Ronnie because our hotel in Philadelphia had a bunch of ginger snaps in a jaw. I think they're in the, I bet they don't need more. I bet they did that. I bet they did that practice the second we left. I'm a guy. It's me again. It's like four in the morning.

Oh, are these ginger snaps for us? I'll just take one other one. Just you don't mind, right? How's Eddie? Okay, thank you. I was secretly eating a lot of those ginger snaps, hoping that then when the jar was refilled it would have chocolate chip cookies in it, but it was just more ginger snaps. So didn't right?

Well, they deserve it because they didn't even have a store like within a mile. Okay, they had no snack machines. They had a wall. I don't know how many people live. Don't forget, wow, wow. Okay. I did forget. Oh no, yeah, but that was far. You have to take to walk. I don't know how many people live. Don't forget. Wow. Wow. Okay. I did forget. Oh, no. Yeah, but that was far. You have to take a cab. Like at four in the morning, you're going to get your ginger snap seat. And that's what I'm saying. You better get you better get an M and M machine up in here. Also, there was a fake Barnes and Noble across the street

from that hotel. And I was so excited. I was I had like 45 minutes to kill. So I was like, I'm going to walk into Barnes and Noble and look at books and I walked in and it was all for like t-shirts for Drexel University. I was like, this is not a Barnes and Noble. This is a Drexel University store. I'm so mad. Yeah, I see those bookstores.

You know how every airport has a bookstore and I'm like, who is willing to hold these things? This is the thing that get a Kindle, okay? Here, hold, bucks and I'm all, I should get a Kindle. Okay. Hair holds bucks in them all. Oh, I should get a Kindle. I should also read. So now we go to truly a wonderful scene in the history of Real Housewives of Orange County.

It's Kelly Dodd bringing Jolie to MTA, the musical theater academy of Orange County. And this was just pure bliss. I thought of you running the entire time. Oh my god, I thought of you Ronnie the entire time. Oh my God, I thought of me too. Yeah, and I was so happy because when we first met Kelly Dodd, Joly wanted to like try out for the musical and Kelly made her go to tennis instead.

And for like two years, we're like, let Joly practice her craft. She just wants to be in drama club, let her be in drama club. And now Julie got to the end. Also, I like that she goes to the Metro Transit Authority to learn so weird. It's like, let's name it after the thubways. And I won't get it except us. So she goes in there and Kelly was like a cheerleader in high school and stuff. So of course, she's just laughing at Julie the whole time. She has no idea what's going on. Which is perfection.

She's like, what the fuck are these nerds doing? She's like, dog! She's just in the audit. First of all, Kelly is wearing like a little sailor dress. Like she's in a musical. Yeah, which was really cute. She's like, this is what gay people do! I like that.

Like Kelly, it's sort of fun when Kelly sort of drags not she doesn't really drag Jolie to do things but she she does often take Jolie on little adventures and it's really enduring and so seeing her take her to like like a drama club thing basically theater theater school was so cute especially because Kelly was so out of her element, but it was also so waiting for government. Like when they showed the photo of Jolie the year before in Bugsie Malone and Jolie was like a dress is like a little flapper. I like, I couldn't stop laughing, not at her, but just like, because we've all been that theater kid, you know, like, like being, I was a New Z in like, give my regards to Broadway and I was all that stuff,

you know, and Kelly's being supportive by showing up in one of the costumes from that show. She's like wearing that and fishnet. It goes. It goes. Oh, and so Lee, it's totally so cute. Yeah. I love Jolie. So the queen that runs it because there's always a queen that runs these things.

Jimmy. And if you send your kids to the MTA or whatever of your town and there's not an old queen running it, you're paying for the wrong class. You need to find an old queen who's like, we're doing all of it. That's about a bunch of ungrateful little fuckers. Let me tell you something. I was in the company of company, okay? I know a few things He needs me

Listen I was the youngest study to the chorus boy in Sunset Boulevard in 1992, okay, hey kid. Let's run your lines again, okay? Okay, sir, please can I have some more? No, you little fucker. All right do it again Listen, I was in the off-off Broadway production of Prairie Lee to a hug no relation to Prairie to a kiss So Kelly's like I was more of a tomboy You rich your leader if we see the pictures ma'am and she's like I thought more of a tomboy. You were a cheerleader. We've seen the pictures, ma'am. And she's like, I thought the people who did theater were dirt.

She literally says, you're the worst. Oh, worse. And then she also injects a little bit of shade, where she's like, Jolie takes after her dad with the musical theater stuff, you know? And she starts like waving her hand, being like, all pop. She's doing spirit fingers.

Oh, I was like, I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Also, why do we not have an entire Bravo show about this theater company? Like, I was watching this. I could watch an entire hour of like the, the whatever it was called,

the MTA of Orange County, the musical theaters Academy of Orange County. Like, I need to watch that. Yeah, no kidding. Get on it, Bravo, okay? Yeah, and then you could just, you could still just call it play by play. It's just kids plays. Bravo, kid by play.

Bravo kid by play. First, we did all of it twist and we did anything goes, then we did Gypsy. I want to see Jolie playing Gypsy. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Yeah, so then they have to start doing like warmups. And so this like young antipods girl comes out. She's like a 20 23 year old antipods. And they start

doing all this like she and Kelly is just like, oh my god. What are these things? Is that even the words? Why are they doing this? Why are these dorks sing songs? Kelly is covering her mouth and cracking up. Like she is a little, I can't believe she didn't start bullying the kids.

And Orange County, you know, Orange County, you've got to head to this theater company for knowing what kind of kids are in Orange County because they teach them the basic box step, which as we know, could be a step in Oliver or a stripper step on a box. Okay, because we see a lot of that West Hollywood. So, you know, it's training them for lots of different outcomes. Yeah, and Kelly's like, no, Julie doing theater, like performing it, that's huge because, like, she's not gonna be afraid of public speaking. You know, she's not gonna be afraid, although,

Because like she's not gonna be afraid of public speaking. You know she's not gonna be afraid although I Didn't do musical theater and I I turn up pretty much okay. Shut up you cut fitness I wrote you turned out okay. You're sitting there and a night game with your tit-tangling out, okay? Kelly super okay to me But yeah, very confident in it. So then we go over at least she wasn't't where, at least she wasn't where I get to the MTA thing. So I got to turn down okay. Oh, it could be like the most amazing bulls over Broadway thing of all time, you know. Like Kelly is basically Cheech sitting in the audience.

People don't talk like that. They don't. So then Gina meets Kelly for coffee. Oh my God. Oh, obviously, we have Vicky for coffee. Yeah. I don't know why I wrote Kelly. Well, she means Vicky for coffee.

And I said, I like to play at coffee. And Vicky's like, order your coffee. Order your old coffee. Okay. Well, do you just order it up there? Okay. Because there's not waiters here. Are there waiters here?

Yep. Still not waiters here. So order it up there. So she orders it. And then Vicky goes, did she get your coffee ordered? Yeah, there was like a lot of fuss about this coffee. Yeah, just order what you want. Yeah, I'm gonna order. Okay, you order.

Yeah, I'm ordered. I was gonna order, but it's gonna have some comp. Did you order? Yeah, yeah, I ordered. Yeah, I ordered. Okay. Okay, just wanna make sure you order. Yeah, yeah, I ordered.

I ordered. You ordered something. You like crazy? Yeah, yeah, I ordered something. You have to order your tea. That is crazy. Yeah, I don't order what you said. Is everything? Can we get the service? They call these places fast casual,

which I guess is your approach to divorce, right? Sure. I would have had an order to a beating list tea, like, you know, that's what you think of marriage, drinking that party. Did you order anything in particular or did you just not really think about it sort of like your divorce?

I tried to have, I tried to order you a moral compass but unfortunately Jesus doesn't work here so. Yeah. Pretty that's not good here. Sorry. But I got two iced teas what did go what for here? This is hilarious. It's almost like I got iced tea insurance from my iced tea. And she's drinking the to go one

fucking big issue I didn't notice that I would do that because she knows she can get that one refilled or something so she's so big she's so cheap okay so she's like taste it taste it taste it taste it taste it and she's like well that's a very interesting interesting flavor. Yeah, it's the flavor of thinking before you divorce. That's what it is. So, Vicki's like, look, I know you're not by Hope Craig, and I really understand why, but I don't like that people leave by Hope Craig. So, I'm sorry, I'm not by Hope Craig. You. Yeah. You got the old lady crew and tackled her with your city. Your shitty judgment's making. So she's talking about marriage and divorce.

And she's like, you know, back in the day, marriage was respected. This generation marriage is like changing shoes. I'm like, says the woman who's been divorced twice. By the way, come on. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, well, my parents are in their early 60s and they're celebrating 40 years. Yeah, you know why? Because divorce wasn't an option for our parents. It was a different type.

It was a time of, you know, cleaning your teeth with dinosaur pones. You know, chasing Fred Flitz so down, asking, do we kill another daddy? Go ahead with that red headed bitch? You know Fred Finston never got insurance for his car which is ridiculous because it fell over every single time he put a rack of ribs on it I don't think the movies didn't really have any words but you know we were young but I'd like to think that if they did have words They would just be sick I'm divorcing you I Just want to protect you for what's in store, you know and so so, and then basically then Vicki tells Gina that she's being selfish.

She basically says, stop being selfish because, you know, she's thinking about her relationship instead of the kids. I think there's a strong argument saying that the kids would probably be better off with the parents happy than the parents miserable and stuck together. Yeah, I mean, that's gone anyway. That had left a long time ago. Let's just all be honest about this. Okay, Gina's just now admitting

that her husband has left her. Like, this has already happened. Okay, let's not pretend that this is some choice that Gina's making. Exactly. So she's like, yeah, but it really hurt my feelings when you said I don't have a moral compass. It's like, oh, hmm.

I don't really remember that. But you know, it's about the kids. It's about the kids. Yeah, it's like, you just, you know, when it gets you really think that. But you know, it's about the kids. It's about the kids. Yeah, it's like, you know, you don't want to, like, you have to really think about it, you know, like, you know, sometimes you just have to put in the work. Like, I needed to water the grass that I was in with Don. It's like, okay, the grass thing, like you thought of it the other day and you're so proud. Okay, look here, I think that you need a gardener and I need a nanny, okay?

So I've solved, problem, so I've, solved. So then she really is smart enough to realize that Vicki just wants a chance to cry about herself. Because when Vicki's conversing with you, she's not listening to a fucking thing you're saying anyway. She's just looking for an end to talk about the cast role that she deserves. Yeah. So she starts crying because Gina's like, now look,

I know it was really difficult for you and your divorce was hard and it's like ding ding ding It's like yeah, I broke that time and I don't do that. I'm not a heart picker. I never would have been Ken I never would have been Ken If I could have turned it back eight years, I totally would have done that. I totally would have done that It's like yeah, but you happy and you're so good at insures. It's insane. So don't be hard on yourself I like that's the way to get Vicki out of a phone you're so good at insurance you're so you got you got let Vicki cry about her own divorce that she fucked up on her own and then you got to compliment her

on insurance it's like you have a friend for life now you know yeah and Brianna's like well I'm sorry Vicki said Vicki's like well you know Brianna said I think I denomations to messed up because you all like basically Vicki's generation all got divorced and most of our friends parents get divorced and now and now Brianna's Generations messed up and like, you know, I don't know if it's really about the divorce. I think it's just like being the daughter of Vicki. Yeah, no, I think it was the family bear monologue. Yeah, she also Brianna says she's not allowed to use the couch on Tuesdays Also if it's so hard for Brianna, then why does she have such a strong marriage? I think she's fine. Yeah, I think this worked out So Vicki's like yeah, she has to skewed the no shit She's gonna live in her house a cotto and have all these classes But she doesn't work like shattered doesn't work and like Kelly doesn't work and look at Shattered. It's not easy

Oh, yeah, look at Shannon. She's on QVC right now. Be out. Yeah, she's sold 1100 units so they are So uh, so then anyway because like speaking of working I gotta go I gotta go back to work Which is what I like to do and that's what I do so well according to you So I'm gonna go do that right now. And by the way, you can need to have insurance. So you need a policy. You need a policy. Okay, great.

Oh, I'm doing this. Like, share I'll give you my 12 bucks. Ah. So then we gotta have that. She does sort of have like that 80s sitcom look to her where you can imagine her. Like, it would be feasible that every genocene would end with her cradling her head in one of her hands and just rolling her eyes of the camera

like oh god this one again and the audience laughs and then claps and the music plays and we go to commercial. Yeah. So then we go back to Philadelphia and the restaurant hunt has left the hotel lobby bar. Yes and we get a very similar cocktail order from this group of Sophie Tamra and Shannon. Oh, heavy, hot water please. And Sophie asks for sparkling water.

And Tamra asks for vodka set up with cranberry lines. So once again, a sparkling beverage, a hot water with lemon, and a red alcoholic beverage. And one waiter who's gonna make zero dollars today. So thanks guys, thanks for coming in. So Tamra is like, hey, David sent Adia a picture of his new ride. It's a push. How do you feel about that, Shad? And your axe is tucked in my husband. Oh, sorry to bring that up the night before your big shout. Sorry. Sorry new ride. It's a posh. How do you feel about that shit and your ex is talking to my husband?

Oh, sorry to bring that up the night before your big shout. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, that's so Now only to the body Porsche I'd not tell you about a second to Eddie. That's a drop of the Porsche. How do you feel about that? Yeah, and Shannon's like wow somebody took it for a spin Name rhymes with Was that your choice, Sophie? Ha! That it! And then, uh...

Tam was like, oh my god, you took us Carpfer, Rhyden, Hedon, Katcha, and Sophie's like, um, I was pulling into the garage and then the mirror just like went like that. Tam was like, see, and you knock the mirrors off the car, is it's like, no, I just bent it. And of course, Tamara takes, perfect example, by the way, for anyone who hears a rumor from Tamara, notice how she took one piece of information

and embellished it and made it sound 10 times worse in a second. And so he's like, no, I just bent the mirror. I didn't knock it off the car. Yeah. So Shannon came out with a baseball bat and knocked the mirror to the ground and said, fuck David and everything is sound spot.

Shannon re-enacted that carry underwood song about bashing in the windows of a car. That's so strong. So tell me, did your face hurt after your mother threw a brick through the window? You touched the bush and hit you in the face with that. Was it scary? When Shannon walks away from the car stridently and then it blew up behind her? Oh, so Tamras is sitting there trying to start all sorts of shit and Shannon's

just prepared for her. Like Shannon seems to just accept at this point. Tamer is an awful person, but she's committed to being friends with this awful person. So she's just going to do her best not to let it get to her. Even though Tamer is going to do everything she can in this episode to undermine Shannon. Exactly. So now, with the next day at QVC, Shannon and Tamer and Sophie arrived we meet Shannon's friend policy and we also meet a QVC executive named Adina Who could possibly be played by the woman who played Jan on the office if you ask me? Oh, I was gonna say the chick from mad TV who plays Stuart's mom what's her name? Oh, yeah, or also that woman who was in swimming with sharks

I'll look her up now. I like we're both like Yes, I want to leave that. She could be this woman could be played by Michelle Forbes also Look at Michelle. Okay, hold on. I will One second. Michelle Forbes. What love? No, where's the cast? What is it? It's a cast. Okay, cast, cast, cast, you know what? Go on with this scene while I look at this. And I want you to look at Michelle Forbes while you're at it. By the way, I don't know who Michelle Forbes is. Isn't she great? Yes, she's really good.

I feel like she's underappreciated, but guess what? She goes in the Linda Fiorantino stack of ladies who are underappreciated, but who I love. Well, I'm thinking of Mo Collins. Oh, Mo Collins. Yes. That's another good. And she even has that like when Mo Collins plays a bitchy rich lady or whatever. She and she pulls her hair back really tight and a ponytail. This lady even has that personality. She's like, I don't think we're going to let Shannon open the door. That should be a host thing. I think this is just a little too much for Shannon. Yeah. I think this is just a little too much for salmon. Yeah,

I think this this woman is definitely on that spectrum that includes Michelle Forbes, Mo Collins, Melora Hardin and Seal Award. That is for sure. Yes. Because they're all the same basically. Yes. Michelle Forbes always plays like a crazy hooker bitch. Well, she was on the killing. And so I've watched Michelle Forbes sob because she was the mom of the kid that got killed and every Episode for two seasons was Michelle Forbes sobbing. Oh, well, she was very she had a turn on 24 where she was very austere and she had an Untimely end that I feel like was never quite avenged like it was really not cool what happened to Michelle Forbes actually she didn't really die She just was pushed down a staircase and then like we never really saw her again

And then she tried to point to the person did it and then the one guy like put his hand over her finger and was like there There it was so mean and she never got her justice But um and she also had she's also in swimming with sharks which I won't and true glad. Yes, okay So they're having a dinner. So it's a dinner. And so, yeah. So Shannon is on the little set, the QBC set. And she's with the food stylist. And she's asking the food stylist,

what is she pulling out? The food stylist is already pre-plating a bunch of the Samons. But there's going to be one that's going to be in the microwave. And she's like, so now which one is, which one are you open up and which one am I gonna open up and the food sauce is like this one behind you in the microwave that you actually open you're gonna have to open the second one you're on your own for that one I was like this boost Dallas is having a ball like what why is she so excited? Is she playing a prank right now?

And I think ultimately we found out that she was. Yeah, well, kind of, if they all think that Shan is just a big fucking moron, not granted. I've watched UBC, and I understand that there are lots of morons on UBC. I can get how they would think, like, oh my God, we cannot let Shan and have scissors and cut open her own product.

This could all go to hell. You know what they're acting like? Oh my god! She just isn't going to be able to do it. Cutting open the package! Oh! Yeah, because they're like, all right Shannon, so there's going to be one that's going to be in the microwave and you have to open it, but you can't turn your back to the camera.

So why don't you practice a few times? She's like, okay, well some simple enough, I'll'll just rotate very slowly I'm at a three-quarter angle and I know I know five six oh no I can say a back you're turning your back to me batch if you can't even open up a microwave by herself BITCH This is the huge moment for Shannon. She has to open up a microwave the behind her but not turn her back She didn't even know what I was a Okay, let me let me just try this again. I'm gonna approach her from the side. I'm getting them going to

Okay, let's let's let's hit the bunny. Let's open up. Oh, no, pushed from the wrong side. I can't open it without him. Hey, my own arm. Oh god I quit television and now I'm turning around again You know what would make this taste better if the fork was warm as well. I'm gonna go ahead and put this to the microwave Does it have a cat? I feel like that be a nice like surprise. That's quite cat in the microwave. Oh, the QVC just blows up. Yeah, Adina is freaking out. Like as you said before, she's like, I don't think she should be going in the microwave. I think it's a lot. Maybe in the future we can elevate to that point, but for like right now.

No. And she goes, Shannon, no microwave, Shannon. We're not going to do that. We're not going to do that. We're not going to, Shannon. We're not going to do this. Uh-uh. You know what, it was actually giving me very fond memories of Susie Fogelsen back from the prime of Food Network Star because Susie Fogelsen, she just would have like dropped the pen in her hands and like raised up her hands like little fans

but uh-uh. This is uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah, you're way too stupid for even this show. Yeah. And then the other lady's like, too many variables, huh? Too many variables. There's a door, there's a plate. There are buttons. So we're going to have the host pull out the food

because you know, what can't page Davis do? And then you can speak to it. And then are you gonna hand it to me or like is it a- No we're just gonna put it on the table honey that's what we're gonna do. How so I guess I'm not gonna have to open up a microwave door. According to David that's the only thing I can do is opening closed things like a relationship. So you want me to speak to salmon? It's like speed dating all over again.

Well, maybe I should just make a bowl of quinoa, because that will apparently disappoint everyone also. Cornie, save it. So then she practices and she's like, this salmon has been the force. Because it's white, it's really buffing. It doesn't want to step on with cream cheese. It doesn't want that!

They're like, we are the lady because we're live on the other set. Now, if they say they don't want you back at least you know why. And she had to say, oh, oh, yeah, that was crazy. That is funny. That is funny. So, yeah, sorry. I'm like, excuse me, QVC. If, why are you live and you have a full on reality show filming on the other side of your live set? Are you crazy QVC? Is this what we're paying you for?

Yes, because QVC has one of those big gigantic turni sets that's like in Disneyland where you just sit there but the set turns. So, you know, it's like a trivial pursuit pie. You just wait for your color to come up. But go! I'll be very quiet. I don't want to enter a page, Davis, over there. And cream cheese! Wow, who doesn't want that under salmon! Are you kidding me?

No, I'm not kidding you. That was Lisa Rina on her set. Please be quiet. Oh, no, here comes Isaac. That's right. He's angry. Okay, you know what? This has to stop right here. No more cream cheese.

We're not having cream cheese. We're not having salmon. We're selling dusters. And if you can't deal with that, you better go to HSN. Okay. Well, at least he didn't tell me to go to shop NBC. So Kelly is getting ready for her party at the love shack

with her teenage helper Jack Who she used picked up from musical theater class. She's like Jack put some cheese on a plate. He's like Please have us some on that He's like Can we hurry this up because I have to go through my lines for all of our I'm playing I'm playing So anyway, so yeah the girls are coming over and I like

Vicky walks up the staircase she goes She's not got news to Kelly's love shot yet. Oh no one is used to it I'd love to look on everybody's faces. They come out those spiral staircase. Yeah, I'm up the spiral staircase So they face time Shannon and Shannon's like Talk to a salmon and it was not bad It was actually a very fulfilling experience. I recommend everyone do it But I've also gotten Lisa Rina very angry at me and I'm very concerned about what she will do for vengeance. Do you think that's a wig? Yes or no? I Kelly's like I like your blazer. I styled her. I styled her with the blazer. No she doesn't look like a dwarf. She's like a dwarf. She's chic. She's chic.

She's chic, she's chic. So then Gina comes over and she's all back. Yeah, and she's all subdued and she's like, hi, yeah, my parents are here. And it's like it's really helpful, you know, I'm so happy that they're here, but you know it's that thing we're like halfway through the trip. You start to get sad because you know they're going to leave and Vicki just goes, all right, let's just do Shannon, let's just do Shannon. But you know what, what's your hurry? So then Shannon is giving her makeup done and basically just getting ready to go.

I feel like I have no foundation on. I have no foundation, especially now that David has left me. I truly have no foundation. Ah, ah, ah, is it dark? Is it army? Oh no, I'm messing it all up. That's seven will never talk to me again. Hey, yes, that's bats. It's a Sharpie. Yeah. Wait a minute. What happened to my face? No, I'm a bats. Dip it. Dip it. So Sharon is like, oh my god,

I'm sweating so much hot flashes. So she goes to the stage and meanwhile, the girls are waiting for her to come on QVC and Gina's like oh my god my parents moved in front of me I was like gross and Kelly goes oh you know what happened to me I came home from college and everybody's like no Kelly no stop it Kelly and she's just getting more and more excited and she's like that's not my dad eating my mom out. Yeah, I'm so glad you girls appreciate it They really didn't like the story at mta They just start throwing themselves off that balcony when by one

so So now so Shannon's now like it's like a few seconds from going live she wants her deodorant etc And and so tamers backstage is like I'm nervous because So now, so Shannon's now like a few seconds from going live, she wants her deodorant, etc. And so Tamra's backstage is like, I'm nervous because Shannon's got it for the negative. I'm like, yeah, especially with an under-minor. Also, I also feel like, you know, on Food Network Star, they do this a lot where like someone will be presenting and they'll be like, I really like Asparagus. I like it a lot.

And like, I know some people think that Asparagus is super gross But I like it. And whenever they say I know some people think Asparagus is super gross They cut the jada who starts a scowl and the music goes like bomb and they're like you went negative I'm like, you know what? We're all adults and I think it's very relatable to say things like that And it can't always be perky like here's aparagus now you may have thoughts on aparagus but it's really tasty like we can sure we can hear someone say I know some people think aparagus is gross but this is really good it actually gives me more faith in the asparagus recipe yeah dust stupid camera and cameras like I'm out of that pasta bit positive and not talking about the band No one wants to hear about your weight. It's a weight loss product. You fucking deal though

It's like literally a product for her to lose weight and empower women to lose weight Tamara so Shannon She opens up like well welcome Shannon bedore. I was like oh hi. Hi. I'm Shannon bedore and in case you don't know me I've been got a little bit of an emotional roller coaster that passed for years. I've been crying into a sock. It's been dramatic. It's not even, I don't even know who sock it is. It doesn't belong to Archie. That's for sure. Anyway, I've been crying into the sock and eating Cheetos for three months straight of and very sad. But then I found out about salmon, it turns out salmon is local and very forgiving, just like I was to David when he cheated on me. And it's like, because he's not sad. So everybody's like ordering it.

And Kelly's like, I love the jacket. And it the camera. She's like, I don't like that jacket or the shirt. Stupid. And, uh, it's just small. And then Shannon drops her fork and so she bends over to pick up the camera. It's like, Oh, God, you think I'm a fuck. What are you using? Yeah, the music is like, boom, it wasn't the fork that fell it was her little no card to no card that Shannon wasn't even going to use until Tamra put it into her brain. Oh Oh, good call stupid Tamra. So then Tamra's like definitely ever left to be this is not good. I'm like you Or naked in a bathtub on like could you put your boobs away? Okay? I think I think that I think that me as a watcher of television will survive

Watching Shenmue to our bend over to pick something up like I think it's it's okay It does not take away from the appeal of the salmon. Yeah, just leave Shannon alone. Okay. She's gonna sell this shit Because she is Shannon not because she's you. Tamer off. Yeah. Fucking awesome face loser. So the host is like, hey, you didn't just decide, hey, salmon. I like you.

You went through really rough things in your life. Thomas, the question's eating her down the path of fatness. What? And Shannon's like, well, you know, I got this going on. That's for sure. She grabs her fat and Tamer's like, well, you know, I got this going on. That's for sure. She grabs her fat and tamarind's like, no! All I want to do is eat my salmon with cream cheese. It's like a big ol' cream cheese with no bagel.

And no locks, just salmon, just uncooked salmon with cream cheese. That'll give you many diseases. Did I go negative? Did I go negative? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh, I mean, the kid even goes, where's her spanks? Like, don't let your children hang around, Tamra.

You see what this is? This is one night at a Philadelphia hotel with unlimited ginger snaps all around my waist right here, right now. Hi, I'd like to call this part of my body the Golden Corral! So the only part that Tamra was supportive of was Santa Claus. If you make healthy choices, you make healthy choices and then you can have that cocktail on the weekend. And Tamra's like, yeah, that's enough cocktail.

That's not people wise. It's just a back on message. Now, thank you for having me on QVC and now now, you had to remind me, what does this stand for? QVC, is that stand for quietly very sad? Well, then I am your target audience. Quivering Terry coldly. That's not a self-permanstance. Quite voluminous.

Shannon, that's my name. QVC, quite voluminous Shannon. So the host is like, you know, some people come in here and they're amazing. Some people come in here and they're not so amazing. Some people come in here and they can figure out the microwave trick. Could you know that is the trick? But you came in here and you were amazing. Okay. And then the ladies are all cheering.

Yeah, Adina is probably like, that was great, that was great. And next time we're going to elevate you to a place where you don't have to bend over for your notes. We'll actually test you on the teleprompter and see how you do holding a butter knife. Next time, we're just gonna have a cardboard cut out of somebody, possibly Julie Roberts, with their head missing.

And you're just gonna place your head over there. Okay. We may also put up a diagram of a salmon, a happy salmon in the water. You know, we may just roll some stock footage of a bear at a stream just calling out a salmon. Oh, just like my marriage. Ha!

Okay, let's mix the bear salmon footage. Thank you. Who? So the girls call and congratulate her and stuff. And I'm like, wow, you really? I must fuck that one up, stiff. It I have to say that when they call when they call Shannon, did you hear her FaceTime ringer? It was like, Bung, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong,

I was like, all church bells. Like, of course, she would have like numbers of church before FaceTime. Like, I think that I am going to sex so oh no church We'll love to this conservative Yeah, I haven't heard these church bells ringing since So the girls call her and then Vicki's like I'm gonna call to order Hi, it's me Vicki. I have two items at the the Bedouin. Seven at the Shadow Bedouin. I dropped a

fork. Oh my God. And I'm Shadow Bedouin's friend. And the lady's like, okay. And then she hangs up on Vicki. Yeah. I'd like to think happens whenever Vicki calls anybody ever. Yeah, exactly. Like Applebee's is like, oh, it's Vicki again. And then Kelly tries to do it. And then she's like, I'm Vicki Gumball. And it's like, I'm Vicki Gumbelson, and she's like, click. You know.

So I like Shannon Baxie. She's like, oh my God, this is crazy. You know, it goes so fast, it's almost like a marriage. It's so fast. I didn't get everything out. I didn't get everything out. In terms of like, yes, you did. You did great.

You even mentioned your ballet. You even grabbed a ballet batch. Under minor. And then, Shannon's like, oh, oh, oh, I've got so many people texting me. It's amazing. And look at this one from 876-76. It's a- oh, that's just my spectrum bill. Okay, let's see, what's this one?

Oh, I have to pay for cable. Oh, apparently I've earned a free yogurt at your land. I guess I did that well. Oh,, no, that's just a my rewards program Okay, so no one's really texting me, but you know, it's nice. It's nice to win things once in a while The thought of all the QVC ladies hunched over the computer was so funny to me. It's like all these ladies just like Oh my god, what's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? But then very casually, we heard Kelly in the background, by the way, we should celebrate with a girl's trip, which is like the little seed that the trip is coming up soon. And then I can't believe so many episodes have gone by. This is number 11 of the season. It's number 11 already?

Yeah. This is number 11, which is crazy. That is fast. Wow. And then we learned that, so by the end of the episode, was it the shrimp dish or something basically shannis sells yeah she sells 1100 units in eight and a half minutes which you know what good for her and honestly I know this is gonna sound very self-serving I'm not trying to be self-serving but you know I will say like that is such a happy feeling like we get that when we do our tickets for a

show I see I told you it sounds self-ser. I'm really not I'm not trying to be like that But this is a genuine thing whenever we put the tickets on sale for our shows when they like sell like that It's like it feels amazing. So I was I was honestly truly happy for Shannon in that moment And you know what this is what Ben has said every time we sold that a show he turns to me and he goes well I've lost a marriage, but I found myself. And then we hug. Yeah, that brings us to the end of Real Housewives of Orange County. Speaking of selling out, says, go give Ben that that special feeling inside and go buy some tickets. Thank you.

New York still has one row left people. Okay, this is Thursday night, New York still has one road left people. Okay, this is Thursday night in New York. Go get that last fucking road. Stop making us talk about this every day. Go get it. I know. I'm sick of it.

That show will be a Real Housewives of Dallas recap, which is gonna be hilarious because it's a wig episode. And we love some Dallas Wigs. Yeah. And then Friday, we're gonna be doing the Real Housewives of New York go to Morocco. It's housewives of New York, go to Morocco. It's number 10 of that season, right? Season four.

Season four, episode 10 is called last call, Morocco, I think. And then in November, we're going to be in Seattle. Those are almost sold out as well. So go by those. And then Nashville is close. It's what we're getting so close, guys. I know. We feel like the end.

Yeah. Yeah, there's actually, like I also looked at the map on on Nashville and basically almost the entire main area is hold out. And now there's just like, could city winery. It's like you sit at tables like comedy club style and it looks like there's like probably like five or six tables left with. Yes. And city winery is sometimes a tougher sell because that's like a food and drink place that people freak out about it. The food is delicious. And obviously the drinks are delicious. So it's a beautiful venue. So get there.

And then we, our tickets for the annual crappy awards go on sale. That show is gonna be humongously fine. We're gonna have tons of special guests like we did last year, but in a way bigger venue. So go get those. Let's go on sale Friday morning. So go get those. There's only like 150 or something of those. So you gotta get those fast.'s go on sale Friday morning. So go get those.

There's only like 150 or something of those. So you gotta get those fast. And then guess what, it's Christmas time. We're gonna be partying, but we don't need to talk about that right now. Okay. So we will talk to you tomorrow for Real Housewives of Dallas.

Also, go get your head back. Head back, your wrong. Tomorrow is the below deck season premiere. Oh, you are right. Yeah. Damn it. Yeah. Damn it. God. Damn it. And then Dallas is on Thursday.

Can't wait. Dallas is on Fuego this season. Yes. OK, everybody. We sure love you. We'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye. Bye.

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