Watch What Crappens - RHOC: River Monsters

Episode Date: October 17, 2018

The Real Housewives of Orange County band together to annoy the hell out of Jamaica. This week's bonus is about our trip to NY! To hear it, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **Crappens Live is coming to Seattle and Nashville! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com **New Limited King of Snarkasm tees through Oct 15 at www.CrappensMerch.com. You can also find store links and ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I've been so much fun! I've been so much fun! I've been so much fun!

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We just love to talk about on ye old bros. I'm Ronnie caram and here I am with my gorgeous co-host friend Townsend little life internet partner mr. Ben Mandelker. Hello, Ben. Hi. How's it going? Oh god I just dropped a Michael Sue box full of bills on the floor. No No, I don't a Michael Sue box full of bills on the floor. No. Oh, no. I don't think very good. Oh, that's okay. You can put them back in the box. Oh, man.

Once you get that toothpaste out of the teeth. OK, so today we are here to record Real Housewives of Orange County. But first, you guys ready? I'm going to do this real fast. Live shows are so fun. We just did an amazing one in New York City. Well, we did an amazing two there and Next up in November we're going to Seattle and then in December we are going to Nashville

We are gonna announce a ton of new dates coming up for to 2019 but that's it for 2018 so get your asses over there to get tickets go to watch it crap ins.com There's a calendar at the bottom with a bunch of ticket links Also, that's where you can find links or store to buy our monthly t-shirt. This limited shirt is King of Snarkasum. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Sorry, we have Skype pauses. She's but go get that over there. And I think that's all for now now let's get on to the real housewives I have the orange County. I know I um I'm I'm ready. I'm ready to discuss this. Are you are you talking yourself into it or what?

No, I was I was just thinking back on last night and the things I did I made baked ZV and I made an apple pie and I watched real house out of Orange County. And guess which was the most fun experience of all those pretending your baked ZD was Vicki's face breaking out. I pretended it was like that hot Jamaican weather just ruining my plastic surgery. Let me tell you something, people. Okay. In the words of Mama D, I don't give a dumb rap. You guys, and your negativity about Orange County, the whole internet was like,

wha, wha, wha, this show sucks. I mean, I couldn't even turn on the internet because it gave me negativity hides or hives. So I started watching this show thinking, this is gonna be the biggest shit piece of shit ever. And then I left my ass off for like this all the day when I happened, it took me that long because you have to pros and take the news, et cetera. I loved it, I don't care what you guys say. Go ahead, Ben, disagree.

I mean, I thought it was amusing. I really enjoyed watching Vicky truly melt. I mean, like, you know, a full on elaborate candle just melting away, you know. Uh, literally like you guys fillers are dangerous. And that's the thing. We need to like test higher, higher, uh, what am I trying to temperature fillers, okay? Because this is a temp global warming happening. Like lots of stuff is happening. Faces are just gonna start popping off shoulders soon. That's gonna be like season 18 of Real Housewives of Orange County.

Faces are just gonna pop off. You know, when I was in high school, I wrote a short story about a girl who just wanted to be popular and so she got like a ton of, this is like a peek inside my psyche. This is such a girl. A girl called Sh-man-sh-mandelker. She had a very ethnic name.

So who's that? I can't go honest. Just K-man-sh-mandelker. No, is this girl who just wanted to be popular? And so she gets like a crazy facelift. And then I think she, I find, I remember correctly, she does become popular. But then she gets too close to a candle one day and an all melts off in the school. And I felt like I was like wow

my story came to came came true I was so happy. Um, making shmumbles in. Sticky, sticky, bun Wilson. Um, so I was, I mean, I enjoyed the episode enough, but I definitely, I was watching it and I was thinking myself, these scenes should have been over by now. They have nothing left to do. I think it's because next episode there's a big fight and they wanted to stretch this out over like two or three episodes. So they kind of had to like let us sit and watch the the splendors of a murky river for 15 minutes just to fill out this hour because there wasn't enough content pre-fight and they didn't want to use the whole fight in the first episode. Well I did feel kind of

ad like for Gina because she was trying to do that new housewife thing of, I'm a new housewife, I got fear flying. I got a fear mosquitoes. I got fears of water. Not not clear water. That's okay. I was like, okay, we've originally we've officially run the storyline into a ditch. Okay. Yeah. Like you're afraid of water. Well, there's a lot of people who are aquaphobic. Okay. Of all the fears we've encountered on the real housewives, that's probably the most normal one. That is not normal when she's sitting in a beach saying it. Okay. She's literally in the water. She needs to sell a fear of hideous interior decor because honestly, like she has taken over the mantle from Gretchen Christine Rossi and like that's bad. A fear of obvious signs in your house. Get in!

Ha ha ha! Beach, sink! Yeah, exactly. A fear of sales at Marshalls. Okay, that's what she needs to develop. So she's going through all the new housewives tropes and one of them is putting kids in the suitcase. Oh my god wacky times at the Gina Casita which is actually where I'm living on the weekends while Matt is with the kids. He actually has his own room. Oh my god. The Novy butts. Yeah. And then we actually get to see Lupay than Annie. And I'm like well, how are you enjoying that dresser?

It was fun for you in season one. We'll never know. It's like one of the most exciting storylines I need an N2. She's like, well, I like it very much except for the fact that it says diva on it and has pink fringe. Sorry, I couldn't help it. Sorry, if you look on the back, I stenciled on Tresa. Tresa. This is where the hot is. There's a sign that says that, like a little angel figuring on it too. With just loopay over home.

Loopays where the hot is in the bloody box. Tresa. The drawers are filled with very specific olive oils and candies there. You know those like weird, weird, you know, perishables that they have at home goods. Yeah, and everything's just labeled really obviously. It's like chips. There's a whole drawer full of iPhone cases.

It's like iPhone cases. Yeah, and like cheap cookbooks, like the one that I got at TGMX called the Irish pub cookbook. Like, why would I buy a book about Irish food? But I did it. It's flour, okay. It's a lot of flour. Just keep eating flour.

Yeah, exactly. So, so, Kelly's like, I have so many bathing suits. I mean, I have nothing to add to that. I was like, yes, this is true. Kelly's like I'm so many bathing suits I mean I have nothing at that I was like yes, this is true I'm still thinking about the stuff from DJ Max. I'm like remember that time when I bought a plan Sorry, I like my brain sort of wandered there for a moment Mendoor Mendoor You're a dork. You have so many hooker clothes

You have so many hooker clothes. Um, also, uh, and then we, I also really appreciated her dog's reaction to her, her packing the dog suddenly was like, wait a second, I get to be alone in this apartment. It's like, they even had a little sound effect for the dog. And then we go over to Vicki packing and she's calling Linda before she leaves just like, she's like, actually all right anything pressing well I'm gone anything I'm just checking when less times or anything anything anything you need me to do anything and she's and Linda's like You have fun go have fun while we're here working. Don't you worry? Have fun

The beach while we die in this wind that this horrible called have fun Vicki this way that this horrible cold have fun Vicky. Oh, sorry, it was a bird hitting the window right now. I'll just go out there and sweep that up. You're out the beach Vicky. Don't mind us Vicky, you know what? I think our our special uniform our special helmet so we don't get hit by birds in the head is gonna arrive anytime now. So don't worry, we won't be injured anymore when we walk from the door to our car. Okay, Don't worry about us. We'll be okay I love that Linda doesn't even hide her hatred for Vicki It's like hello Linda from counter fight edge. Oh good Vicki Jesus

It's lucky Nature Christ to read a Vicki get a life stop call it. It's supposed to be a vacation for me to Vicki Hey, Vic have a question. Do we do any sort of bird insurance? You know, like what if you come into work and you got a a beak gash because you're well in the parking lot and you're just living your life in the parking lot doing something very simple like walking from a car to a door and a bird just comes and hits you in the head. You got any insurance for that, Vic? Who stands for the birds? That's my question, Mickey.

This is the best scene ever. By the way, so thank you, Linda, for giving us that. She's like, I thought I was seeing a performance of chicken run the musical. Turns out it was just birds attacking me. So since Kelly started doing charity, Tamra started bringing methods into her home. So she's sitting across from one and she gets a call. She's like, pick up your teeth, batch my phone is ringing. Okay.

Ronny's of course referring to her son. I'm lying. Yeah. So, Shannon calls in terms of like, hurry up, bitch. And Shannon's like, oh my God, I cannot go sleeveless. You know, I can't go sleeveless. I don't know what to wear at this point.

I am 40 something here. Oh my God, I can't believe we're going to a beach. Can't we go someplace inside? Now QVC that was a vacation. I Don't have the clothing for this vacation. Everything that's supposed to fit me I mean this is not the size I was supposed to be at this point in my life and anything I can wear I accidentally stuff with cream cheese So then we go Delicious salmon that delicious salmon, that delicious salmon,

that's available to buyers like you, only 19,000 dollars per slice of salmon. And then tamas like tamas like, well, stop it. Which is why you're Tim parking lot is always empty. Okay. Exactly. So now it's like 4 a.m. And the women start to arrive at LAX for their flight to Jamaica.

And Shannon, of course, is in a mood. She's like, Who goes to the airport at this time of day? Nobody! Nobody! I'll tell you who's not happy about this. Me here in the light, Shannon Bedore. Killed by not having enough sleep in the morning. At 4.11 a.m. Oh, hey, mister. Hey, Alfredo. Thank you for unloading my two heavy bags. At 4.11 a.m. Oh, hey, mister. Hey, Alfredo. Thank you for unloading my two heavy bags.

I have two heavy bags! They're filled with emotions. They're filled with shock and horror and refusal to go to a beach where plant women run by and steal husbands. They're filled with memories at the times that I did something for David and he was unappreciative Hence they're very very heavy. What's a moment like that? Hmm, Tamra's I mean Shannin's thing that she's trying to make happen this episode is two heavy bags

Hi everyone. I have two heavy bags Well my two heavy bags are here. I I hope we don't break that TSA conveyor belt, the last thing you want to do is hold up everyone's vacation because I broke the TSA scanner thing with my heavy heavy bags. So on the plane camera, Kelly's sitting up in the front away from the other ladies, which I mean lucky, you know. And Shannon's like, what are the odds that Kelly's gonna have a date with her seatmate? Ha ha ha ha! Yeah! What are they saying, Jamaica?

Hey, man! Jamaica, man. Ah! No woman, no cry. I'll tell you one thing, that's one thing that did not happen in my marriage. To make him cry, he's see- I got-

Well, I got a laugh in the two heavy bags, so. I'll take it. I'll tell you what's- The one thing that's funnier than two heavy bags, two heavy bags wearing rustic caps. My bags have braids. Then when they get to Jamaica, she's like, wow lots of luggage with these people. I have the two big bags. I don't know what her deal is that she keeps saying it over and over and the Vicky's like, oh my god, it's hot. It's hot. It's

hot. It's hot. It's hot. It's hot. It's hot. It's hot. It's hot. It's hot. It's hot and this is even how does it help? Oh my god It's so hot like I don't even know how birds can fly in the sky here like good news. We don't have to worry about our heads today A bird just crashes into her face How does that happen? How's the bird flying this heat? I Thought we were saved and then as Vicki says hot 30,000 times the temperature comes up and is 84 degrees. Now in her defense is 99 degrees humidity. So I didn't understand humidity. Yeah.

Yeah. And also in her in her defense, she's a monster. And monsters don't deal well with the heat. So then they get under this, the little bus. And of course Tamra brought those stupid rostahats which she thought was so original and hilarious and it's just like and she asked like the bus driver, is this, are you gonna be mad at us if we put on this

rostahats? Are you gonna be mad? So first of all, hey, what's he gonna say? Yes, I will be mad at you guys like, they're the guests. Like, yes, I all, A, what's he gonna say? Yes, I will be mad at you guys, like, they're the guests. Like, yes, I say, no, it's fine. Second of all, they're already putting them on. Is it they really care about what he's gonna say? Yeah, he's not gonna tell you he's mad. He's gonna wait till you leave and then put bed bugs on your seats, when you get back in this fucking van.

Okay. He's gonna wait till you leave and he's gonna ambush the air conditioning at the resort. That's what he's gonna do. No kidding, he took a hammer to that shit immediately. Yeah, he's like, oh my lord, that will be hilarious. You'll be full into making, then, man. Get the fuck out of my cow, white lady.

Yes, I'm on. You're gonna love wearing those cops when you have 100% to make it to 84 degrees. And no air conditioning, man. Hmm. And then Vicki starts with her. Well, Kelly starts with, uh with, hey you guys have Kong! I love Kong! I love Kong! You think he's like yeah, is it true that Kong makes you hearty? Cause I'm always hearty anyway.

So if I'm a hearty for sex like 20 times a day and this will make me hearty for sex like, 40 times a day, I'm so hearty! But Chad is working so great. Mod and as we all know, honey means the experience you get when you want to sell that insurance, right? That's what honey means, right? I'm surprised that the Putch is the Putch it. Yeah.

I'm surprised I didn't show the flashback of Vicky having Kong at Turks and Kicos with Don when they're renewing their wedding bells, but I guess I'm just talking about it. Tameras already called a turks and kakos clip into being the season. I think they're only giving Tameras so many clips. Jackson Kakos. Jackson Kakos.

Yeah, so they arrive at the hotel and there's this lovely greeter that's there from the the jewel grand resort or whatever it's called and I love Vicki's there and Kelly just walks up behind they can just slap her ass. They are your door Door We're here. We're here. I don't know what kind of contract Jamaica made with real house as a vortgiani But I feel like the president of Jamaica was like okay listen you can come here But I want every employee to have a car on the screen Because every single employee like I know everybody who works in this entire

Like why did we need ingrid's name? I know we got everyone's name also. I'm really enjoying our janky to make an accents To accent I have a theory that you make an accents are like a shade away from an Irish accent. Like I wonder if, like I wonder if, like whoever came over and colonized that country we came from Ireland. Just make up, just wondering. Oh, you know, like an Irish accent is like, oh, top of the born and for you. And then I feel like Jamaica is like top of the morning for you.

I don't know, I'm ruining it. My terrible accents are pretty universal, okay? Yeah. I'm like a universal plug you buy at the airport. You can plug anything into it. It's always going to be half-fast, okay? I'm surprised that we haven't been like, hello, welcome to Jamaica. That's just your go-to, it was like a terrible Australian New Zealand South African hybrid.

Stop trying to make me have a worse accent than an Audi got mine. Okay. So they have to split up into two penthouses that you threw in three women in each penthouse and it's like who's going to be in which room and so Kelly is like, like Shannon's gonna go with those two and she points out Emily and Gina and she's like Let's see what what David doing this situation. No, I don't love them. What would Jesus do? No I want the Trace Amigos Trace Amigos Trace Amigos Extrgram Gs. Tip and ask number one, please

Tell her to shoot me out about it. That fucking yes, belly sip it's yuck people Yeah, so Gina's like you sure you sure you could so change your mind Sure you sure Gina tells us she is so Root she's so rude. She's so rude it's bullsy and I applaud her rude balls. Yeah she's like they're so rude. It's almost like you have to applaud them and I'm like yeah we'll be in the sorority house and they'll be in the old folks home and she's like huh huh.

Come on it's a little you just have that look on her face. I'm like, oh, that was a bit of a micro-recression if I do know quite well are the Tracer Migos with two huge suitcases! And then she starts doing the Macarena. She's doing the three Amigo stance, you know? That's what they're always doing that. You're right. Well, this is a fine line. This is a fine line between the three Amigos dance and the Macarena. That's basically the Macarena was made by like a boomer, you know, who was

really the three Amigos movie. Oh, I love the Macarena. I feel bad for the younger generations who won't ever understand the joy that was that summer of the Macarena when everyone was doing it at every stadium. Now that was living. I worked on a dinner cruise during that time. You haven't lived until you've seen offices rent out a dinner crews and get drunk and start

fucking in hallways and doing the macarena at the end, okay? I actually just really like the song too. Like I'm sad that we never get to actually hear the song because the song is a good song. I mean it's a bad song but it's a good song. Yeah, macarena. Who are you calling a macarena cut? David, would you care to do the Macarena with me? David? No? Okay, I'll just stand here and see him alone.

Sometimes I go to stadiums and participate in the wave, because it makes me feel like David's waving at me. We're no longer doing the Macarena, but the chicken dance is always up for grabs. I'm gonna do the electric slide, but it's dangerous. So I will wear only rubber. Does anybody want to pop over update? Did it pop over update? Yes.

I made popovers again. I'm making them every day and like, perfecting my stuff. And so today I was like, what if I put vanilla and cinnamon in the pop overs for some reason they didn't turn out the same? Yeah, it's probably because I feel like popovers are a very delicate chemical thing. And so probably by adding something like like an alcohol sort of situation to it might have thrown off the balance. I don't know, I'm going to make those BLT, I'm going to make some BLT popovers. So I'm going to do it. Popover update.

Thank you guys for listening. Popover is over. Do it loud. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do for this hotel because, you know, they were probably so excited. They have a camera crew there on a popular show in the US. And this is like a nightmare. There's like no air conditioning and they're all dying. So they're up there. And of course, Vicki and Tamra start battling over. Who can have the king size bed? And they're both like, they're both threatening to pee on it. They're linking the pillows.

They're basically just being disgusting. And I'm like now I don't think I could ever go to that hotel without thinking did Vicki and Tamer lick the pillows. I'm resting my head on Yeah, and they farted on and then Vicki's like I've got a fight They're gross. You're about trying to escape The only way I could erase that image would be if we had an all expense paid Stay at the jewel grand resort just saying just playing it out there. I may be poor and I may not be famous but I will not put up with that shit. You put me in a hotel like that with no air with and I pay

for like the presidential suite and there's no air conditioning. Oh you could suck a D. Oh yeah tell me well I mean we had that happen in Mexico. Don't forget that's the entire. He weren't promised and it wasn't broken. There just wasn't an air conditioning. Yeah. And also, we had doors that open out onto the ocean and our own infinity pool. I mean, sometimes you just got it, you know, I was that was those were two very trying nights of sleep. I will have to say that was like that was crazy. That was a tough time. It was it was tough. I was actually thinking about it the entire time, time during this episode, when they were saying how humid it was in the room. I could feel you thinking about it from my

couch. Yeah. I was like, I've been there. I've been there. Whenever there's no air conditioning, I'm like, Oh, God, here goes bin trash. I don't care. I mean, it was it was great that we went through that because it was such a unique experience. And the fact that we were in this like dark play that at breakfast where there was just it was just dark and so hot, so humid. And we were just like, it was just crazy, a crazy experience that will always remember forever. Yeah, it's funny how we remember things so differently I'm like, this was one of the best times of my life The weekend was bad. It was a great weekend. That's super fun. I drown in the majority pool It was just you know, you keep talking about this infinity pool. It was like a little pool outside

you know, you keep talking about this infinity pool. It was like a little pool outside. It was. No, Ed just looked over the ocean. Wasn't even an I don't think it even wasn't an infinity pool. I think it was just a pool. It doesn't matter. It was like you make it sound like we were at like, you know, some amazing five star. It was a weird. We were in a mansion with an infinity pool overlooking the ocean. Okay, listen, I'm sitting in a kitchen. Half the tiles are off the floor

and the ceiling is about to crash in on my head next time it rains, okay? Like, yeah, I remember who you're talking to. I just remember the dead crabs that would make their way into our room every day and then just die on our floor. Like, like, we were their final resting place. Like, two mornings in a row,

hey, there's another dead crab in the middle of our room. Because they were like, there's air conditioning straight ahead. Oh, damn it. It's not air conditioning. I know. It's like when it rains and worms are like, time to go and they come out of the dirt. And then they're like, I'm just going to,

I'm just going to casually walk across the cement surface. Nothing possibly could go wrong. It's like, sun's out. No. Oh, God, speaking of dead crabs, let's go see Penthouse B, which I loved that they're even on the B team pet house. That's just that's so cute.

So Emily and Gina and Emily are like, boom, the assembly telling jokes. She's like, boom, with there's something somebody farted in here face. Did you see that Emily had a bag? Like, you know how people like, doctor up their bags that way it's like, more recognizable a baggage claim?

Did you see what she did to hers? Yeah, it said no yours. Mm. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Yeah, baggages claims lately look like the cast of toddlers and tiaras but as suitcases they've all got these stupid fucking bows on them I would totally watch suitcases and tiaras Sing this song sing this song We need to just stop recording me. I knew talking about other stuff and then it gets crazy. Anyway, yeah, clearly Shane designed that suitcase. Not yours.

It's time for commercial. It's time for a grab. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident not-so-expert-expert. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing,

nodding, and thinking, oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong, what would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So yeah, there are there Matt at Shannon. Kishanna's been such a bitch and That's all they're gonna focus on now. No look Shannon is not being nice on this trip Okay, she is always likes us to the new girl. She's like Vicki usually is with the new girl

She's making that mantle. She's a sour crab. She's not nice to anybody. She doesn't know and doesn't her trust Which I think is a bunch of bullshit. Yeah, I'm also not gonna sit around and care like who cares if Shannon likes you like let her hang out with Vicki Does anyone really want to hang out with Vicki anyway? I know exactly and the truth is I mean Shannon has a point Like why would I want to spend it with two people? I don't know very well I'd rather spend this vacation with two people I know well But of course the reason why she doesn't know those is too very well is because she hasn't tried and she just hates them automatically. So you're on a TV show with these people and you're not going to just get your own TV show about having to rent new mansions every few months,

you know. Well, like you have to shoot with other people people. Exactly. So, uh, so Tamara calls Eddie and he's like, yeah, I feel good. I feel good. Don't mind me. He's like, okay, Batch. Um, like, well, once again, Tamra being so supportive by flying across the country, across the atmosphere. And Tamra really, you know, makes clear what she's thinking about. So I'm feeling so guilty. the way I got the biggest room So then so then back in penthouse B They're just hanging out and Tamro comes over and she's like it's so much cooler in here Shannon let's open up the windows because of Zika virus And like I could just I like I so believe that I so like that's like so perfect

And Kelly is like why Shannon afraid of Zika? Oh, she's not gonna get pregnant I'm 43 years old. I'm more afraid of STD's And you know, Tamara's like I love that it's cooler in this penthouse because it reinforces the notion that I'm still the hottest Hots up and off I just got that the notion that I'm still the hottest house up at all. I just got back. That's. Oh, she's wracking about how she got the big room and then we see how she got it and the Butler was playing ini-mini-mini-mani-mo with them. And think he's like, you decide Butler.

You lied. You did it wrong. He's like, that's how we play in Jamaica. Okay, here's how it goes. Ini-mini-mini-mani, you lose crazy lady. Ini-mini-mini-mani-mow. Catch it. Now, why would you catch a tiger by the toe that you seem dangerous, David? I'm not gonna lie to touch that tiger. I won't. Hmm. Doesn't make any any mind about a catcher tiger by the toe.

How's your hollers? If he hollers, just let him go for Christ's takes. He's a tiger. He shouldn't be captured by his toe. I mean, what sort of tiger is not gonna hollers? What do you think a tiger is just gonna say? I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. If he hollers, just let him go for Christ's sake! He's a tiger! He shouldn't be captured by his toe! I mean, what sort of tiger's not gonna holler? What, you think a tiger's just gonna sit there when you grab my the toe, David? Who do you think hollers more?

The tiger, cop, Iced toe? Or me? Who fell down during the macarena? He-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he Mighty Mo, catch a stuffed cream cheese salmon by the cow. If he hollers eat it quickly. That's my kind of riddle of you ask me. Okay, so they all get ready for dinner. And Tamara just keeps coming for Shannon. She's like, Oh my god, dinner. I did not say that.

I got lost. And Shannon's like, is that a thing? Is that the possibility? Shannon's just looking at her like, is that a thing? Is that a possibility? Sam is just looking at her like, I'm in trouble with camera, but I don't know why Anzika is real. So, I'd like, excuse me, I'll wait her, I'll wait her. I'd like to order, I'll have the biscuit, but can you hold the Zika please?

Thank you very much. I'm never even gonna, yeah, I don't even believe they have a furniture store called Seaka Gallery. Who wants Seaka? Everybody close your windows. Did you know that paprika is actually made of Seaka? That's why it's called paprika. It was originally called papseca, but they had a branding issue.

Yeah, they heard it. So sweet. They told me. I know really that was really a low point. Sorry. You guys. Okay, here's a low point. Vicky's sweater dress. That has two giant flowers on her boots with her nipples coming through the mac roommate as the, you know, Oh, my god. I love the Mac Mac. Remain. The Mac Mac Remain, uh, the Mac, Mac, Remain, uh, Mac Remona? Whoa, someone just Macaroni made a dance out of it.

The Mac Remona. Why are people trying to poke their nipples through me? You don't know me? You don't love me? The, actually, Remona wrote the lyrics to the Macarena. Hey, Macarena. By it's a querpo, Mexico, San Criot, Macarena. Hey.

You don't want me, you don't need me. That's all I remember. You know what man, you know, Nade Man. Hey, Macarena. Hey, hey, Macarena. We're like best friends. Hey Macarena, you don't support other women. Macarena and I look like to what best friends, not my daughter. So we go to the restaurant and we know because there's a new kairan for Marshone.

Like, well, I hope he's a major character in this piece. It's like the host. He's like, hello, welcome to the restaurant. It's like Marshone. Stay tuned. Exactly. And also the restaurant has no air conditioning, which means basically the entire property has no air. And so Vicki's like, I need a fan. Can you bring a fan over? And I like the things she wants the fan to cool down herself. But I think we all know that the real reason she wants the fan, she wants to get behind and be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm gonna giggle myself into a tizzy today. Oh, how? How? How naughty of you. I'm going to I'm going to giggle myself into a tizzy.

That's more like me. I'm on the back of my head then I start giggling On the back of my head then I start So let's see she starts complaining about the fan that she oh my god Oh my god, I'm getting hot And she was like are you warm? I said my god Get it hot getting hot and Kelly's like so we ordered something on blonde And then we see Shannon texting, but she's trying to hide it from the cameras.

Did you notice that? She's trying to look over with her hands. She's like, don't look, don't look at guy. I knew I should not have gotten this fabric. She has like an etch of sketch. I should not have had this galaxy plus C-tomb and greet her. It's huge. Look at my head. Okay, I'm gonna have had this galaxy plus he told me to read it. I got in my head.

Okay, I'm gonna sit on this tablet and hope that this text... Oh! God, it's not even a turn off notifications. She's like, hey. Oh, wow. I'll tell you, the heat is really putting my fat on the fritz right now. It's not too bad.

Oh my god, I'm dying. Oh my god, I'm dying. And then, so everyone's like, woohoo, let's have fun. Here we are, Mexico. Let's do this, everybody. It's totally not be offensive. Can you see my apples? And Shannon's like, why just found out they sold much good in house? Summer camera turns as furious. So yeah, Shannon's like she's like, she's like, well, I guess I have to move again

Turns out this mansion is just a temporary mansion on the road of mansion to mansion life So then she's like, wow, my kids are gonna have to move again And they're so happy there. All right, my kids are, first of all, by the house. Okay, you're paying $13,000 a month for the house. You gotta make at least that much money in the real house, so I was born to County. Make it down payment and buy the damn house.

And you're selling salmon with cream cheese. I mean, if that doesn't earn you a million dollars in the two weeks, I don't know what will, because that sounds delicious to me. And she's like, well, my kids are gonna be crushed. We crushed. They've been crushed so many times we should win candy cruts. Guess what? I'm not even on the leaderboards. Look at me. Look at all this candy. I'm crushing right now. Oh my god. This is a wonderful game. It's like Shannon. You're actually just touching different pieces of candy you put on your phone. Oh, it's real candy. Look at that. That's a Mr. Goodbar. Well, I thought you wasn't

on a Mr. Goodbar. David, I'm so happy. So she's working herself into a tizzy over there. And Kelly's like, I got a crackle. When you get sad like that, you have to think of people who are starving. Like, okay, lady who's been to the homeless shelter two times. But I do think of myself a lot because all I want to do is eat. Yeah, my kids don't understand that. Okay, all they know is that their mansion is being taken away. And Kelly's like, you need to take them to the projects. And then Emily's like yeah

That sounds really good. Remember when you went and then I said we should do that. I'll take Chanel I was like please Fish mail to the projects and look around. What we are coming. Yeah, what could go wrong? Well, you know, I always say my life is a project So in some ways my kids have been to the projects. Kelly's like, I've been to the projects. She's like awarding herself a Nobel Peace Prize over there. And then Tamara's like, so, what's up with you?

Jenna? It's like, Tamara knows, okay, Shannon's crying. So let's bring up her least favorite thing. Gina. Yeah, and meanwhile, Vicki is still casually melting at the corner of the table. Julie. Yes, let's keep talking. Sorry, you're talking about the projects. They're very busy in the projects because they do all go there right now. Does everybody see those two hills in front of us? Oh my god, those are my cheeks. They're in front of my eyes. What's happening?

Would I give for a pair to come crashing into my head? Because for one second, I'd have the a little burst of wind around my, around my face. I think. So Gina is like, so Matt and I, like I'm Rende, Cassita for the weekend, and Matt, he has a room, and then I have a room. It's like Mommy's room, Daddy's room, and the kids, they're too young to process it, but they're all the ones processing it a little bit, and then our wood processor, that's processing it too,

and then our process cheese, that doesn't process anything, it just gets processed by me, so it's like a lot for us to take in right now. We did a paperwork together, and Chan is just looking during this whole thing. process by me so it's like a lot for us to take in right now. We did a paperwork together and Chan is just looking during this whole thing. Nobody here about my text and my mansion. I'm glad we got to talk about this again.

She just says it with her eyes and her eyes say this. She's put on like invisible readers that are like perched at the end of her nose at this point. And she's looking on like invisible readers that are like perched at the end of her nose at this point and she's looking at her Well, if I did have readers on they would be Right at getting my nails that be having the person in a show. I am so disinterested in what this Jonah Judy what's her name again? Gina And Kelly who is just said that everybody needs to learn what it's like to live in the projects because you need to think about money

Okay that everybody needs to learn what it's like to live in the projects because you need to think about money. Okay. You've got to get your money. And then everyone's like, yeah, yeah, you're going to get totally screwed over. But your husband, it could be a financial disaster. Guess who's here to save today? It arrives with photo-fimperids. That's right. Go to a church.

Okay. It's called My Husband's Way Too Hot. And he got an apartment in L.A. And sure, it's a special card just for you. Yeah, cuz Mickey immediately is like hogging your insurance. I mean, she needs life insurance. I mean, who's he a survivor? She has a work. She has a work. She has a work. I'm getting a tie brought for this. It says code of insurance, right? Because my show got one. Gina's just like the air conditioning here. Doesn't work. Yeah, she has to have a job.

She's just what she's gonna do. So everyone's like, you are gonna die. You know I'm money. So this time Gina's learned her lesson, which is so rare for a real housewife. And she goes, Massachusetts received. I'm gonna adult well.

Thanks for your advice. That's also her voice now. Massachusetts received. I'm going to adult well. For instructions on going to Daddy's bedroom in English, press one. For instructions for having a divorce, that's totally, you know, just it's so good.

It's like so smooth, press two. For the back of rain that press When I dance call me Macarena boys they say K. S. Doye, Boena, okay I did except on my screens and I can make that joke She's like life insurance, okay? The cemetery is filled with people who did bad eye dying. I'm like, uh, so what do they care? This is not the way to sell life insurance, okay?

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, I wonder if any of them died doing that macaroni now? Dangerous dance. I know how they died. Zika! The cemetery is 100% full of people who don't give a shit about not having life insurance Okay, so they don't they don't remember okay. No one's complaining Vicki

Kelly has the best observation she goes all of her plastic surgery is malfunctioning at once It's like Vicki is act secretly like she's she's fled from the hall of presidents at Disney World and she's now in Jamaica and melting away and we're gonna see her like robot in her soon. Pretty much it's like putting a matarella ball in the microwave and just watch again. I mean basically the producers are like let's see last year we put her in Iceland. This year we'll put her in Jamaica. Let's just, we're just testing her at different temperatures, seeing how well she works. Oh, so let's see.

It's the cameras like we could be dying in the streets. We are not going to another hospital. You're the one who's always making everybody go to the hospital, Missy. Yeah. So I don't know what you're complaining about. You're the one who, who like did a cannonball into a shallow hot tub. And by the way, in hot tubs have all sorts of weird shapes inside the monitor.

You're the one who did them and went to the hospital because of that. So that's their wheeler. Yeah. Thomas. Yeah. You white trash. So, uh, yeah. So Tim was like, that's something wrong. That's something wrong. And of course, Timmer will always take an opportunity to make someone look like shit if she can't. So she's like,

that's something wrong with Vicki. And she just goes, I started supporting water all over Vicki. And I admittedly, like Vicki did need some dousing, but then she starts being all in her air and just make like starts fucking up her makeup in her hair And like to Vicky's credit Vicky's so drunk. She just can't stop laughing But she's the cameras making it look like even worse than she looked before when she was melting Yeah, poor Vicky and then they keep showing close-ups of the people in the restaurant who were at first like completely bored and then annoyed and then like slightly amused by the end and I was like oh my god it's like the reverse reactions of the real audience for this show. Yeah and no one's sweating by the way it's just Vicki and then finally after Vicki has been doused with water and ice cubes, Timer just goes there. You're not hot anymore. Just me batch.

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what do you want to drink? She's like, you know what I think I'm going to have? I think I'm going to have a bulini. And like for a moment, I thought you can say a bulino. Like they were going to bring out a Lexus bulino. It's like you're all stupid women and men a bit of the new get the stov. So the other lady said, well, have you, did you see the commercial for this show? Get a brim with Carson and Tom.

Okay. I mean, they only, I mean, yes. So it looks like Bravo was doing a whole thing on Friday nights called Bravo Home, where it's gonna be like HGTV, but Bravo style. And I actually feel like that's really cool. Yeah, those shows look good. And the design looks good on both the shows.

And then they're doing a four part series about like liberals going to Kansas. Yeah, I saw that, because I saw it first, like in the beginning of this episode, I saw a little thing on the screen above, if you will, that's what they call it, that said, welcome to the way for the- Oh my God, no!

No! Kill it! Oh, it's just a Jurassic Park head, never mind. But it said, welcome to the way of relief or something like that. And I was like, what is that? I was so excited at first because I thought it was going to be something that took place in like a British prep school.

And then the commercial came on and it's, yeah, it's like a bunch of like liberal, you know, artistic people, like chefs and things like that going to like the middle of Kansas, which to me was like, okay, this is going to be Bravo's attempt to like do their version of Queerai, which is hilarious because they already are Queerai. Yeah, and it's four nights in a row. So by eating that means it's bad. They're burning it off. That's what that means.

Yeah. But just had to mention it because we're a Bravo blood gown. So next up, wait, where were we? So they're separated right? So some of the ladies are at the beach and some of them are at the spa. And Shannon's doing her usual. Ha, spa!

I can bring us a swimsuit. Why would I? A spa! Like oh my god. Exactly. And Kelly, meanwhile, I was like, I have a rash. I have a rash! I have a rash! Does that look like he rash? She like goes up to the person who's like checking them into the special Is that a heat rash?

Look at me. He rash. Is that a heat rash? I remember this rash before. It's a heat rash. She's like, uh, yeah Yeah, sure sure it looks like a heat rash. Oh good I'm the lady's like okay. Here's a Himalayan salt room. You sit on the Himalayan salt and it helps you and Okay, here's a Himalayan salt room. You sit on the Himalayan salt and it helps you. And Vicki's like, do we get naked? I want to get naked. He's like, no. You don't get naked.

He's gone. He's gonna help with my rash. A rash? Is it gonna help with, forgetfulness? Because I forgot a bathing suit. Just hide. Well, there'll be room in this salt room for two heavy bags. Please tell me yes.

Vicki's like, will it take the stress out of us if we're naked. Check please keep your clothes on. Okay. No one wants. Oh go ahead. Well this fix my Zika virus. I'm pretty sure I contract. I'm pretty sure I contracted it last night. Nobody wants to nobody wants to go to the salt room after watching this. This is like the worst advertising for everything they're doing in Jamaica, okay? Why would I want to go sit on a salt chair that Kelly got her rash all over? I know. Like Janet got her butt juices on

and Vicki just got Vicki on. Yeah. No, nobody wants to go there, okay? Well, with all this salt, I think that we should have a margarita. Margarita time! Oh, my ankle. Hey, I sprained my ankle now.

Will this salt help my ankle? The lady's like, I'm closing the door now. But I'm a rat! Did you hear my chair do some Shannon Bador just there? Ow. Ow. Let's see if I can do it. Oh, no, it's a little shrill.

Ow, Zika. Zika. It's a little high pitch right now. It's a little shrill. Ow, Zika! Zika! It's a little high pitch right now. Yeah, it's a little shrill. It's not where it needs to be, I'm sorry. I have to use a worker to get the right angle so that way the church is going, ow, ow, ow!

This is a new Shannon. I have changed my owl decibels. So if it gets like shut up, Kelly, you're breaking the freaking record with this. Just shut up. You know, all you're saying is I have fucking rash, I have fucking rash. I'm like, okay, this is a sign that Vicky's gonna talk about Brooks in the sepacid. Whenever she accuses somebody of like repeating themselves, here comes Brooks.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly. Um, so they all lie there. And by the way, it's rare that I say poor Vicky, but poor Vicky because this was like the least flattering angle they could have ever had on her She's in a bikini and then she's like also like her legs are elevated above her like a dentist chair and just like It was like a low angle and a low angle somehow from above and it just was bad bad for her Yeah, but that's Vicky and then they're like and then one of them I think it's Shannon

Maybe it was or maybe Vicky like can we just have a Zen moment just some silence So then it's just like quiet just them with the with the salts. They're longing there and all of a sudden I have a rash You're a rash before You're a rash So then over on the beach Emily Tamra and Gina are laying laying around and Emily's like what you do last night Tamara and time is like oh my god So hot in the big room

Sad the biggest room out of everybody and Emily's like well. I enjoyed the dancing. I mean Shannon She tried I enjoyed the dancing. I mean, Shannon, she tried. No, she, as if Emily was like freaking Jennifer great up there. Okay, like they have a flashback and this poor guy, he has to come in and like teach all the tourists how to like twerk and everything and they're like, and she's like, oh, okay, all right mom shaking that ass,

shaking that booty just like shake that cream cheese. And then they showed Emily just spanking her on the ass and Gina start spanking her on the ass and she's like, I mean, I don't know if she enjoyed it, but I was trying to bond. I'm like, you're going to like me. You're going to like me. It's like, this is not how. Yeah, that's not how. And during that, then they had like a second flashback and see everyone dancing again,

because they're sort of doing this big like dance routine and they're all doing it and the camera sort of like zooms out a little bit and you just see Shannon and like the second row like her hand on her knees being like I got Sika Hasma, Sika Hasma, I got ankle, Sika, ankle, Sika. I believe I'm a mosquito, I'm on the ankle. I need to be taken to the nearest hospital, please. Timer's like, you know, a show, but I'm up. It just takes time. Like, here's how to do that.

Batch first. She can't find the show and you make her feel like she's totally crazy. Then you team up with the richest person on the show and try and get her thrown into a mental hospital. Then, you let it out to the hospital. She had to say, everybody allowed me to wait a minute, Dabra, I think this is like the backwards way to get to a friendship. I know, exactly.

But it didn't work for her. It got to give her credit. Yeah, exactly. So then Tim was like, I just felt sorry for her. I feel sorry. That's why I enabled her because she's sad. She's sad. And she was like, yeah, she's sad.

She's a sad person. I almost want to get her a giant slew to leave from Marshall to tear her up. That's always works for me. Every day she wakes up, neck a tent batch. I'm like, ha! Like, you know what, I just adopted her personality. And Emily's like, you've adopted her, but there's

like no middle ground. Like she hasn't adopted to you at all. Oh really? I think Shannon has a little bit too much. Yeah, no kidding. So Gina's like she's negative Nancy. She's sour shenan I'm like sour shenan does not work. Okay. It's gonna be a shenan asha sound. She said senti depressed Denise Morpid main bell, crying Karen, sobbing, Cynthia, whiny, windy. Uh, what's more ways to say cry? Choxic, Tammy.

Wabwabwilamina. Crazy Karen. Boohoo, brain bread. Shratic, Trisha. Oh, that's so mean to Trisha. Desmos Alayla. Pupi Paula. Pesimistic Piaudi. Musty Mabel.

I hope that Santa just takes all of those and uses them for a dish. Hmm. Musty Mabel. Musty Mabel. Hahaha. I hope that Santa just takes all of those and uses them for a dish. Hey, well, this is your musty Mabel. It's great when you're feeling alone in your new mansion that you just had to sell before giving but the furniture into it. Here's your whiny Wendy. It's like a hamburger from Wendy's, but made of a sad dead turkey. Here's your Ziny Wendy. It's like a hamburger from Wendy's, but made of a sad dead turkey. Here's your Zestie Zika. Zestie Zika.

It's filmed with Enkelcreen. You didn't want to eat this, but your friends forced you to position what you had to eat it. And I was like, so over at the pool, there's like a saltwater pool or something and Shannon's like I can only go to my vagina because I didn't bring up bathing suit and my two heavy suitcases. Yeah, I did not know that there'd be a mineral pool. I did not know. I thought there would only be a Zika pool. So of course they threw drag her in there and she's like, get away from me. Get away from me. She goes, she goes, I don't want to run my hat.

I don't want to run my hat. That hat has not served you well. Was that a hat she wore in the fight when they were all coming got her at Calcassas? She had to run up and down those stairs and like those three level house. Probably she is not, she is not a hat person. Hat's have not been her strong suit. So then, Gina and Emily and Tamara are just like relaxing in the water and Gina's like, oh my god, this is great. This is just what I like. Clear water, no cribs and talking about Shannon and actual cribs, no sharks, just like actual cribs. Um, no sharks. Just like, this is exciting. I can't wait to be single and to be happy. Let me like, soiting life in terms of like,

Oh my God! So refreshing. It's like having a diet cake. Oh my God. I'm so used to Shannon being so negative about divorce. And then here comes Gina and she's like, Happy about divorce. Why can't Shannon be more like Gina? Why? She's such an asshole. And then Gina comes Gina and she's like happy about divorce. Why can't Shannon be my like Gina?

She's such an asshole. And then Gina, who's like basically built up a lot of goodwill this season, just pisses it all away. She goes, she needs to realize people cheat when there's a problem in the relationship. And I was like, okay, so now you're blaming the woman. Wait a minute.

Yeah, piss away every bit of goodwill that you saved up, young lady. Exactly. And then she's like, I'm masturbate all the time. And then Shannon doesn't masturbate. I'm sure Shannon really appreciates that. Yeah, Tamara, terrible friend. You know, Tamara's the most consistent.

You have to handle that. Yeah. So what's she exactly? Because when she's with one group of people, she says one thing, when she's with another, and then she's going to pretend like she's loyal to Shannon, when she's with one group of people she says one thing when she's with another She's and then she's gonna pretend like she's loyal to Shannon when she's talking shit about her behind her back As long as she's not talking about herself Yeah, that's typical typical Tamra and for anybody who says nah, she talks about her husband's heart problems

That's her husband's fucking problems, okay? Yeah, so then later on we see Tamra and she's killing herself in the fridge in the sweet in the suite. And Shannon and, Shannon and Vicki, the spa crew, they come back into the suite. And I don't know what was in that mineral pool in terms of the water, but Shannon's hair, she looked like David Crosby. It was like, it was crazy. I thought she and Vicki were going to go on tour. They're going to go to Bonner River or something and do like jam bands songs, you know? I did not know what was going. Their hair was like beyond frizzy. This was like, they got full on new hair, different look, different color, different shape.

It was amazing. And then Tamra standing there in a love his love shirt. Like, this might not be the way to dispel the I married a gay guy rumours Okay, I'm talking about tennis so That's Finally, it's single for me and Eddie to get married This is this is Anyway, so This is this is Anyway

So So this are catching up on on everyone's days and she's like yeah We were just like sitting around in the beach just laughing you know laughing and because like we're laughing We're laughing more at do you know Emily who was laughing more of me? Cuz her and Shannon both at the same time she's like what, what do you laugh about? Yeah, but you laugh about who we love it Who are you? Who was it? Who was it? What's that? Me? What's it? Me of Vicki And by the way, they're absolutely right because they know Tamara and that is what Tamara was doing and

Tim was like, and I got why did she got that? Because I'm not competitive who did you laugh for me? Be honest and so she's like, no, they were just saying that they really liked dancing with Shannon and she's like Oh, well, I hope it was worth it because I injured my ankle and I can't even walk on it because they're dancing that they wanted so much So I kept on with me. Great. Thanks Thank you youth So Kelly with the young ones Kelly's like, I'm like, I'm like, God, I got all the toxins out.

We went to the spa and she was like, with the salt. Yeah. I need to put some toxins back in. Give me a drink. And Gina's dust when she just like, I got major water phobia. Okay, it's my thing. Clear water is okay, but murky what is like I know

It's why I had to move away from the Hudson River So the women all get on to like a little bus for their next next adventure and has air conditioning and they're all excited It's they're busing out some beers and chat and it's like well, we're wearing the heart of Zika famous right now I hope everyone has made their last will and testament because it's all over from here. We're going and right into our jaws at the Zika Monster. And Emma's like, do we have to divide, like, into different groups? And Emma's like, he's together. And then Shannon's like, pick A, pick A. It's me, Shannon! The lady right next to you with the broken ankle and a possible disease mosquito circling her head I want to only go with you And then yeah, okay, I'm gonna go dear tough

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, but I believe I've actually already made plans who's this who's this? So Tamer is mad because she didn't have the chance to hurt Shanna's feelings first, you know. So she starts getting mad, saying, but I'm gonna go with Kelle anyway. That's a debit downer! Gonna go this. I can hear you. I may have seen you, but I'm not deaf. Oh, actually, can you say that again? I may actually be going deaf. Hold on. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh. Ah, so, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Vicky's like our friendship is crossed over to where we bought that me a chat it true friends So it's just that's where we sit together. Ha ha tabra

Sentence like are we going down this dirty river? Yeah, I believe we have raps. No, I mean our friendship. Are we really gonna do this? I need a hazmat suit for the river again. No friendship still Happy has back so Happy half-spat! So, um, Tamra's... So Tamra and Tamra's now gonna hang out with Kelly to spite Shannon. It's the classic, like, seventh grade thing. I mean, this was like every school trip I went on, you know, but just now it's with Tamra. So, we're getting on these little rafts that have seats.

It's kind of like a low-rent gondolae or a situation. So, they're doing that and Shannon and Vicki are together and she's like, I'm a little Cassie. I'm just going to warn you right now, Vic. Just a little Cassie. Blaine the mosquitoes. Seika. I drank a Seika here. And then Tamra's like, yeah, I don't even care if they're the kind of that can't. Because they're Debbie Donuts. She just keeps yelling it. And the ladies are not even caring. Okay. They're like, oh, the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the slowly sort of her rap just slowly goes by saying who has to for who has to for you have to for you have to for who has to for who has to for who has to for someone up to four is like this is the first thing that seems to have ever gotten a reaction out of Emily except for Kelly Dodd well and finally it explains her face you know I'm really overfarts okay yeah I said it everybody Bravo hear it yeah I'm singing it. Stop talking about part. I'll participate.

I'll participate, but I won't talk about them. Just kidding. I'll probably talk about farting a lot. So, um, this is the episode for you. At this point, at this point, the episode's kind of grind grinds to a halt. As we sit and watch them go through this little river cruise, we're just like, you know, it's like, oh, wow.

We're going under an am entry. I love knots. I love knots. I love knots. No, they're awesome. Kong. Hey, can we just ride your dick? Just drop all the jokes, okay? Just ride the guy for Christy.

We see like an extended sequence of Vicki and Leroy, her little raff guy trying to sing Roro, Roro, your boat. Like at first it was cute, but then when it went on for like two minutes, I was like, they really have nothing else to show us, do they? I'm just gonna have a picture. I love Vicki yelling at all the locals

for like American things they're messing up. So you do it, get wrong, it's not like that. It's not like that. And he's like, well, then how do you do it then? She's like, Roro, Roro, you're both gently down the insurance, you know, because if you go down the stream, and you don't have the church, you can die. If you don't have robot insurance, you can't go any faster than gently, okay? I'll just

sit right now. He's like, here's how we do it in Jamaica. Roll, roll, roll, you're wrong, stupid lady. Also, I'm like morally opposed to singing row, row, row, row your boat when you're on a raft. Like, you're not rowing, you're not on a row boat, you're just sitting and someone else is taking a pole and scooting you along. So don't sing row, row, row your boat on a vessel that makes no sense for it. Hey, how about you, row by boat, Libre? I would. I would. Meanwhile, Kelly is making motorboating ponds. She's like, how about we motorboat? I'm just trying to motorboat and then she of course motorboats Tamra. Yeah, so they start motorboating each other.

And then everyone's ringing from rope, except for Shannon and Vicki who were like, fuck this, let's go to the bar. So they go to the bar. And then we get a chiron for this lady too. Let me see what's her name. Her name was tree. Trish something.

Tree. Trimona. Trishana. Trishana, yeah. So they're at the bar and she's like, hello, how are you? It's like, not good, not good because I loved him at the bed. He did me rock. He did me rock. This meant to be rock. And I would love it to another man. And it's all I could think about. He's like my top cruise coming out of a plane to parachute. You know, everything getting really well with it. And I just keep thinking, don't leave me top cruise. The god dead.

I can't let me get this. What's gonna happen? Trishon and Shannon's like I'm gonna And Trishon is just looking at her like oh my god lady If you think is that you that you Shannon is that you shan't I can't see I'm having a legit reaction. I can't see This be as give me a legit reaction. Well, that's because it's he could be your Zika stripe And Trishon is like oh your the lady who tried to sell cancer insurance. Yes, I heard this notebook love story once before. Okay. What? Meanwhile, the other people are at like a rope swing.

And when Vicki had paddled by the ropes and she's like, it's very shallow here. Don't do that. Don't do that, Tarzan. Don't jump in the water. So now like, so while Vicki is like having allergic reaction in the bar and telling her love story to Trishana. Everyone else on the rope swing. So Emily goes, she just goes and swings and jumps in the water, which by the way, that water, I'm not sure I would have jumped in it. It did look a little like full of

bacteria. And then Tamer does it too and she's like, look at me. Oh my god. My shirt came out. Oh my god. My tits are out. Can you believe it, Toss out look at my tits like my tits. Oh my god my nipple covers and look the sell out the sell out. Okay, I'm gonna switch short. I got the sell out. It's my boobs. Look you paid a lot of money for these things. I say use them. Yeah, but like don't don't be like oh my god they fell out and then like they're still out like like either you know I'm saying like either be like the bar you thirsty. Yeah, exactly. And then Gina meanwhile she has like a big emotional journey. She's like, I'm gonna get on the rope swing and I'm gonna swing out there, but now I'm swimming back in and I what swing out and back in and guess what I made it I learned so much about myself. Wow, congratulations. What a touching season. I did it. I can't wait to tell one half of the Cassida. So now everyone else joins at the bar where Shannon, Vicki, our engine is like, oh my god, there was like a rope swing. You should do it, Shannon. You'd like

the rope swing. It was really good. I really learned about myself. I could hold onto a bar for a little bit and then hold take my hands off it and still be okay. She's in the second half. Now, now, is that, are you able to do the Macarena? And their rope swing, because if not, I have zero interresto. So then they're like, uh, Teber is, uh, who cares? So she's just immediately not speaking anymore, right?

Like she's drunk. She's, I think she's at that point where you've been drunk all morning, you know, like, I just want to go to bed, you know, she's like over it. I traded. Yeah. And, and Teber's coming in and Teber's doing that thing, which is like, I just had so much fun, so much, so much, so much fun. I can't believe that much fun.

I had, how much fun did you have, Shannon? I had fun hanging out with the younger girls, so much so much fun. I can't believe how much fun I had. How much fun did you have, Shannon? I had fun hanging out with the younger girls, other friends, more friends, yeah. Shannon's like, well, I just want a near conditioner and the van has a near conditioner and I've sat here waiting for you girls when you're a room swing.

For 19 hours, listening to Vicki talk about Brooks while I've shipped my pants in the bathroom and tried not to say anything mean. How about that? Hey, and then like for the last five minutes of the show, it not to say anything mean. How about that? Yeah. And then like for the last five minutes of the show it's just having going. I'm gonna go send the van. I'm gonna go send the van.

Hey Trishana, I'm gonna go send the van. I'm gonna go send the van. I'm gonna go send the van. Timer's like, she's sending her the van. Batch! Something I said! Something I said! Ha!

Damn it! It's like Shannon. I said! Ha! Demi-dammit! It's like Shannon, I mean Tamara is just... ...eaching for a fight. Yeah, and Shannon's like, Ha! Have fun fighting with yourself! I will be in a human refrigerator called the fam! In case anyone didn't hear, I am in the van! Oh no, there's a mosquito in here, just me and the mosquito! Oh god, oh god, this is where it all ends.

And then Tamra, I'm trying to be pet-cat by Shannins. I'm trying to help us, but I'm gonna blow up, and it's not gonna bat- No, it won't be, cause there's no air conditioning. All that nothing that Shannins done for you to scream at. Now again, I'd like to reiterate yes Shannon's an epitome bad mood. I don't want to see Shannon just get yelled at for no reason go yell at one of the young people Yeah, exactly. You're terror to them Well, anyway, it's us to the end of real house was the boom's county

Yeah, get your tickets for a Seattle in Nashville November and December go over to watch at crap and calm That's also where you get your king of Snark has some t-shirts. And we will be back tomorrow with below a deck. Okay? Fabulous. Bye everybody. We love you. Bye. Hey Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.