Watch What Crappens - RHOD: Deck The Halls With Flesh Eating Bacteria

Episode Date: October 18, 2017

Something's eating away at LeeAnne, and it's not just the flesh eating bacteria in her boobs. She's mad as hell at Cary for talking crap about Brandi, and at a Winter Wonderland party, she'll leave no notecard behind in order to uncover the truth! Come listen to our recap of The Real Housewives of Dallas Brandi Land extravaganza! Get started NOW at Stitch Fix.com/crappensand you'll get an extra 25% off when you keep all 5 items in your box! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what happens Watch what happens Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens Who cares what happens

Who cares what happens Who cares what happens Watch what happens Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens Who cares what happens Who cares what happens Kids want happiness when they're so happy. It's a brilliant crime. It's a brilliant crime. Kids want happiness when they're so much that's happy. To talk to other crapman's listeners about the shows as they air,

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I'm Ben Mandelker from BsideBlog.com and the Bantra Blender podcast. And joining me is my wonderful lovely plucky co-host, a man who will always throw a glass sound at a Winter Wonderland party to prove his point. It's Ronnie Carram from trashtalktv.com and the Rose Creek Special Podcast. What's up Ronnie? Well hello man! How's it going? What's up, Ronnie? Well, hello, man! How's it going? So good. Are you so excited for today's episode of Crappens where we get to take on an absolutely

epic episode of the real househouse of Dallas? Yes, that episode, man, we both were texting each other all morning about how good that episode was. So, so good. And before we just dive into that, of course, we have to show our San Francisco show. November 4th, Social Hall San Francisco, you guys know the drill, but if you're new to this podcast, go to watchacrapans.com and you'll find links to buy tickets. We recommend that you do.

If you've never been to a crap and show, then you should come. And by the way, bring a friend. Bring a straight person. Who knows? They will have fun. You will have fun. Make a night of it. Meet other crap ins listeners. We are going to have a ball. There'll be an after party. Don't miss it. You really will not want to miss it. Do it. Bring up boyfriend. Bring up husband. Do it. Do it for San Francisco. So if you're in the Bay Area, even if you're not, we have some people who are flying in from New York for this show, which is pretty amazzing. So,

you guys, watch your crap and all the details are there. VIP tickets are sold out, though, by the way. We have VIP tickets, they have sold out. There's only a few tickets left, so get them. Yeah, don't it? Oh, my goodness. I don't... I am nervous because Dallas was so good this week that I don't I'm afraid we're not going to even be able to do justice to this wonderful episode. Well, when they're this good, you just have to say what happened. You don't even have to really do anything. Exactly. You just have to dive in and enjoy all the joy that I've got. Yeah, and then Leanne came in with note cards.

With step-by-step, it's written to kill somebody. This episode, it's like, what's his face? Step on an SNL. This episode had it all. It had D, it had flesh-eating bacteria. It had broken glasses. It had Dildo discussion. It's just everything you want.

And note cards. Oh, have we ever had a dildo discussion like this on a housewife so or flesh eating bacteria? Actually, you know, this is a new one in the boob. Flesh eating bacteria in the boob. Oh, it's eating her boob. I didn't even get that part. I imagine because that's where she had her that's where she had her surgery, her she had her surgery her sutures. Oh, God back to the sutures. So on the sutures So we let's shall we begin where it begins The episode opens up with Deandra and Jeremy in the morning

their morning show Deandra and Jeremy in the morning. Good morning show. Deandra and Jeremy in the morning. Um, we're going to start with one of my favorite songs called I'm sorry. Keen. I'm so sorry. So yeah, Deandra and Terry, she's like, you want me to make you coffee? It's like you're making me coffee now. Demp, do you start with me? It just makes me want to go fall in love in Texas.

I feel like love is so much better with accents Like so much real or you know, that's why everyone loves so feel the run So then we also see Cameron and she's with Louis Vuitton her dog dumb dogs Get kibble smart dogs get everything smart dogs get everything. Dumb dog, why are you following me? I tricked you to think I was smart, huh? I gave Louis Vuitton all the power, so he thinks he's in control.

But what he doesn't realize is that I'm in control. And by I'm in control, I mean, he's in control. Mm-hmm. So, Stephanie, I love that they'd give us a close-up of the terrible things Stephanie's husband buys in the house. This samurai statue in the front yard is one of the classic favorites of Stephanie's house. And you know that your husband's straight when he's buying the samurai things for the front yard. It's never going to be a story behind like maybe Travis's gay? Nope. He's got a samurai statue

in the front yard, okay? He's the he's the guy that keeps Hemmaker Shlimmer in business, you know. It's like, all right, I don't know. I'm going to get a pinball machine that also serves as a hot tub. So I ordered off of Hemmaker Shlimmer. Travis, where do we put this pinball machine hot top? I don't know what to do with it. Mm-hmm. So over at Brandy's house with her devil children, she's like, you want a turkey roll up? No! Yeah, but Candy made you sick last time.

No, I got sick before I ate it. Don't give her the candy, Brady. Because you know Brandy ended up giving her the candy. She's gonna barf all over the rental hall, wherever they're about to go. Yeah. So then we go to Mark and Carrey's house, and the music is suddenly tense.

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Is he gay? Is he gay? Aw, word. So Carrey is talking to Mark about the trip to Mexico, and she's saying how Brandon's death just really didn't have her back. She just felt like they weren't with her on that, you know, and we are, you know, because they had a big fight last episode in case you missed it. They had a big fight about something on a yacht.

They were fighting. They were fighting. Well, it's starting to's starting only to have a certain half last week about it So please don't expect us to remember because that was a very long yacht, right? Well because two two weeks ago they were mad at Carrie for saying that Brandi's surgeon was gonna kill it on the operating table and then last week Carrie was upset at them For lying about saying that someone was going to kill her on the operating table. Oh, yeah.

Whatever. So silly. So this is something that I like because you know, on these shows, they talked before. I mean, there were a couple. So, yeah, of course, it's like we have to do the scene where they talked about how you're getting dicks and you're dicks like to the game or whatever. But Carrie, I don't know that she did talk to him. Like, I believe that she didn't.

Because this scene is so awkward. He's like, I'm sick of you getting kicked. And that's enough. She's like, well, I skipped part. So, basically, Leanne said that you go to bars and you have guys hit on you. Which is a very diplomatic way of saying it. He's like, you know what? I'm sick of all this I'm sick of all this talk and all these crazy women. I'm gonna storm out

Oh Just crashing the wall. Why do I keep on wearing my two left socks? God damn it. Can you please sell that cleaning lady to stop doing Ellen L in the same ball? God damn it. God damn it. I can't tell you any walls I've walked through. God, I need to blow a load. I'm outta here. Wait a minute.

I'm gonna round up all my energy. I just shoot it out of me. I need to get a job, a blow job. I'm leaving. I'm blowing off some steam. Like job, a blow job. I'm leaving. I'm blowing off some steam. Like, it was my job. So what is going on at the roundup that multiple people are giving blow jobs?

I mean, does that still happen in bars? Is that never even really struck me before? I don't know. I don't know. It was just basically blow job central. If we ever get to do a show in Dallas, you know our after parties at the roundup like it's all about yeah round up i'm thinking of calling the roundup and seeing if they do actual shows yeah oh my god we could do the show from the from the roundup i don't even know what the roundup is i just know i

just know that i yeah i just know that i'm growing up in suburban New York uh there was there was a restaurant or maybe it was even a small chain called the ground round so that's why i think of I think of the ground round Ground round out So anyway while mark is walking up like bouncing off of walls because you can't walk in a straight line because there's two left socks Brandy is now she's checking out an event space to have a Christmas party because she loves doing My annual Christmas party Yeah, and it's all about Jesus as she's getting golden science made that say like, Randy wonderland, all the glitters is gold brandy land. What is that saying? It's too long and the cursive is too bad for me to read,

but it's like all the glitters is gold brandy land. What? So it's gonna be a white party theme, but like, but not like, diddy white party. It's more like white snow, snow white glitter, you know, Michael Bubley theme. So the planner is like, yeah, we're gonna have a six-foot-long marquee ball

that just says, play. She's like, oh my God. Should I get my reindeer? I'm going to get my reindeer. Look, it's my reindeer winter or win like winter or like winter or weiner, which mark gets at the roundup, probably Christmas during my ball. So her kid is of course like crawl and go all over the ground screaming in her mermaid tail and Brandy is like we're free spirits and you know we want Cam Cam to come Because she we know that she has boundaries, but we don't have bad boundaries in Brandy land Yeah, I wish that Cam could just chase her around with a big dildo and slap her in the face with it her own party and see how she likes it

It'd be a very lack like a daisicle dildo chase. She's like, you know, she just sort of like take big like stumps like a like a drunken crane and just sort of like wag at like, huh, dildo, dildo, dildo. She's still running in circles dizzy from the stick, the stick game from last week. Basically everyone in our version of this show runs in circles in his walls. So she tells Stephanie about the party and she's like, I'm going to invite everybody. Stephanie's like, everybody, even Carrie. Oh, well, I love her, but I don't appreciate being called a liar and then she said she was done and Brandy's like

Well, yeah, that was stuff. Yeah. Yeah, stuff. I was like so awkward. It was like weird Weird But I don't like when someone feels left out. Oh, yeah, you're a real giver over there Brandy Yeah, remember when you left out Stephanie from your life for like four months. So Stephanie is different. So Stephanie, her thing is that she really likes Carrie and Carrie was there for her when she was being cut out. So she and of course Stephanie does not like Leanne and hasn't like Leanne for a while so Stephanie is very much like pro-carry and

Isn't about to turn on her anytime soon. So then we know things are gonna turn real bad real soon because we all of a Sunsy a Omen of all things ban and Dallas Ding ding. So I got ohoh. So now a great great scene. It's Deandra's in the office with Amelia, the sales coordinator. And she's like, okay, we're gonna do this. We're gonna have sales charts, charts, spreadsheets, Excel, Microsoft Word, Excel, Excel. And then Deandra, I'm sorry, Dee just walks by. And she's like, good morning girls.

Which is her way of saying, what the fuck are you planning without me? The daughter. She was. She's like, my daughter's in an office chair. What the heck does this mouth tubes? The only two tubs. Okay, I don't add an e to the end of my tub I Better not see a flat screen around here. I better not see a flat screen around here, Dan. And Amelia Amelia goes girls you are here before your mother Never happened Amelia goes. Oh, you're here before your mom and she is like You're fired Emilia I'm always here. I'm never gone. I'm in that plant. I'm in that trouble

This company is me you're just looking at my corporate real presence right now, but I'm always here It's me watching you behind your tube TV. Did you notice a little sticky on the on the wall? What what he was talking? There's a little sticky in the wall because blow out candles. It was like three exclamation points and four underlines Who's who's office is that was it a million or a dandruff? I think it was dandras like the dandras just leaving candles on in the office she's like I just I wish my mother would trust me but just keep leaving those dark candles on one day I will learn

I will learn I will have an empire mother I would like to propose switching out all the candles for electrical ones that we don't have to worry about blowing them out but who's gonna buy that electrical bill now the and I'm I swear I don't know if you're ready to run this company or ready- I swear, I don't know if you're ready to run this company or run a biscuit. I don't know what you can do. Also, I'd like to point out that Dee, I loved her ensemble. It was like she was wearing a Mousetong jacket,

but it had like an underwater landscape on it. And it was like attached with a brooch at the top. Just, I mean, just perfection. Perfection. I was already like this episode's amazing. And Dan does like- Yes, I am here two minutes before not mother because we have something to talk about so well Okay, I'm standing in the doorway and two if you were seated so hey, bad. I'll be in my office Okay, you know the one with the already modern enough design you can find me over there You know my office the one with, that you can actually get out of.

You don't need a crane to lift you out of a sunken couch with African designs and a hint on the edges. How can I trust you to run a skincare line when I can't even get off your couch? So she goes over to, they both go over to the office, she's like, well, here we are in my office ladies. What do you have to say? Well, there be a visual presentation because I can turn on my combination TV and VCR. If you need a Dan just like, okay, mother, we have got a good idea. It's called snow algae and he goes snow algae like algae that comes out of the snow

Yes, well that must be a new ingredient because I have never heard of it So these already like just staring her down like with this daughter Why have you destroyed my legacy? I had so many dreams for you But then Deandra knows exactly how to work her off She goes it is an anti-aging makes you look younger thing. Anti-aging, anti-aging, anti-aging looks younger. It looks younger. You're young, you're young, you're beautiful. Prime of your life, mother.

Diesel. Hello, Baste, mother, aloe, bae. Aloe, bae, in a tub, in a tub, in a tub. That's glamorous, just like the company. Hard, not good, morning, good morning, mother. You look so young, mother. Do you say, snow, algae. Snow, algae. She puts some on her hand. She's say, snow algae, snow algae.

She puts some on her hand. Oh my god, look how young my hand looks. You make me, you girls know my favorite saying. They're like, no, mother, what is your favorite saying? Well, my favorite saying is, I don't mind being 76. I just don't want to look 76. Also, my daughter doesn't know how to ride a biscuit. Okay, my daughter can't run a goddamn biscuit.

If my daughter could even figure out where the gravy goes, I would maybe give her a $5 a year race, but she doesn't. I just feel good. God, my hand looks fantastic. Look at my hand puppet. It looks like it's 20 years old. Senior Wantsus?

No, more like Brook Shields Wantsus. Senior Wantsus? No, more like Brooke Shields Wantsus. Um, she is the happiest person with hand cream I've ever seen. I don't see like it's real. She goes, it's a relaxing almost smell. I'm like, that makes no sense, but okay. And so then, so Deandra is starting to talk about how Stone faced her mom is all the time with pitches as she normally never reacts because literally my mom's face doesn't move. You can bounce a ping-pong ball off of it. I'm like, I agree, but I think I agree in a totally different way.

And he's like, all right, what's the damage? Hamich, you got me in here with my hand looking young and smelling good. So Hamich is it. She's like, well, mother, it's the most expensive product, a hundred grand. And she's like, oh, they cut to Deandra smoking like she's like loving watching her mom get angry at that. She's like, hey, these like, now listen, Dandra, you have a Bentley appetite. You can't eat cars, Dandra. Okay. The wrong added, it's the wrong appetite to have. You need to have an appetite for things that can be eaten. Okay. You know what you need an appetite for Toyota's you need a Toyota appetite. Okay. This is what we do. Hard night. Good morning. Toyota Corolla. Let's drive places. Okay.

And Dandra just starts whipping out all this research. She's like, but a hundred percent of people are young now. I mean, look at Keaton. He was 50 years older. Now look at pictures Keaton as he drove away in his Mustang. Look at it, mother. She's like, well, he does look young. Okay. The truth now, tam with the truth. What about the neck? What about the neck? It's great on neck's mother. It is great on neck's. Now look here. I see some excitement and that worries me look mother we spread this on the western half of Long Island and they renamed it great neck okay so do you like like all right girls home run I want a home run now okay get back to base sliding to third whatever the heck you people need to do just do it I want a home run now let's shake now. There's my hand feel thinner. It really does didn't

Now get out of here if I can pay to this algae. Excuse me. I'm gonna fire up my Susan powder VCR tape, okay? Stop the insanity. I agree with her. You know, she is right. She is dead on She is a successful woman. I say so myself She's a successful woman. I say so myself So meanwhile we then go and see Leanne she's sitting in she's sitting on our couch Gain an ivy for her hangover. I am tired Leanne is in her full on lecture mode this whole time like when Texas moms are gonna tell you off, they start talking like this. Like she's got that like pause and everything she says today. It is so funny. And Toya, Toya's helpers from Mary-Domethison come over because they're there with

hangover cocktails for your vain. Yeah, all those muscles, little gene. I was like, this is really good promotion for the fact that Mary-Domethison starts in like three weeks. Yeah, no, all those whistles all gene. I was like this is really good promotion for the fact that marriage medicine starts in like three weeks Yeah, no mad MD basically is there so while Leanne is getting her IV done. She starts face timing with Brandi and Brandi's on the phone and I don't know if you caught this but like at one point like one of Brandi's kids wanted a juice box and Leanne goes a juice box That's why I've dogs wanted a juice box and Leon goes a juice box. That's why I've dogs. Juice box. Well, the disgusting thing who wants juice in a box. Don't answer that. They know the answer that the roundup. You know what I'm saying? Box slang from a John only good thing about juice boxes is when you get to take

that sharp little straw and stab it. I get so much water rush. I got so much water rush. So they start talking and she's telling her, she's like, I'm getting an IV. So I have energy because I'm doing everything I can to make it to your party. So Leanne basis like listen brandy. I was going to tell you tonight but I gotta let the cat out of the bag. I literally have a cat in the bag right now. It's making so much noise.

Hold on one second. Ooh! All right, I'm back. Boom, boom, boom, boom! Boom, boom, boom! I'm standing in the straw. I call it my cat box. Right, it's blood.

Man, remember that thing, five alive. It's like my cat, It's called like cat dead. Anyway, what we're talking about, turkey roll ups. Hold on, let me clean this cat blood off my hand. Hold on. All right, I gotta spill the beans. Oh shit. I literally spilled beans all over my table.

I ain't no matter, can you clean that up, please? You know, I've been thinking we should start making tables made out of free-dose. So when you spill your beans on them, you got a free-dose pie, brandy. I call it a table pie. You know, they have that walking tacos. It's called to put your legs up on top of them, tacos. Well, speaking of brandy land, okay, that's right. Now, I was going to, I was going to hold this until tomorrow at your party. But I, back in Mexico, when I went to the doc, Kerry said, because of your

behavior in Mexico, see can't be friends with you or Stephanie. I was like, what is this? It's like stop. It's like the old days. She's stop, can't stop. Being brain stop. So this upset brand. I mean, understandably, but to be fair, if I'm really good friends with someone and someone says that, I feel like I would say, oh, that's petty. I'll ask her to find out, like, maybe it's taken out of context, because it's also Leanne.

Leanne is like the queen of taking something way out of context. Although it's we saw from the clip, we can see that Carrie's said it, but I actually don't think that Carrie said it in like a super, like, like, you know, like, I'm ending this friendship. She's like, you know what,

I can't be friends with something like that. It's just almost like a theoretically, if they were like this all the time, I wouldn't be able to be friends with them, you know? Yeah, I just don't understand how these ladies are all falling for Brandy's tricks because Leanne said in the very beginning I'm just worried that you're gonna make up a stiffening it. I'll be out in the cold. God, it's already snowing in here How did that happen so fast? Hey, there's wind the reindeer.

I'm not a sactor with my bottom out though. Who see was totally right? Because of course Brandy turns right around and starts dishing her and et cetera, right behind her back. And then Kerry is like, wait a minute, I was nice to those girls. So it's like they're all using each other to team up on each other, but they're all being screwed over.

Kind of like this. Actually, kind of playing Kerry and Leon against each other to team up on each other, but they're all being screwed over. Kind of what's important. It is actually kind of playing Kari and Leanne against each other because Kari and Leanne started the season trying to be friends. And what's happened is that Brandi keeps sort of being like, we're friends. No, no, we're friends. You know, there's like a weird thing happening. And now Kari and Leanne are just like at each other's throats. Yeah worked it worked. So Brandy Brandy is now mad about this Carrie situation. She's like, she needs to say these things to our faces and Leanne goes,

to our faces. Oh, and then Brandy. Well Stephanie heard Cameron call us trash. Well, you weren Cameron call us trash. Would you work chasing her around slapping her with the dildo? Okay, like for three days. And like, what's up with Bravo stars being so offended by the word trash these days? Okay, it's like the nicest thing you can call somebody else this world.

I know. So Leanne's like, I have spent the past year and a half protecting Brian D. I'm like, protect your from what? I've left my knobs at home. And she's like, we need to go to that party at Brandyland. And we need to take care of his feet. And we need to hold her feet to the fire.

I'm like, whoa, because when Leanne says it, she probably literally means like we are going to hold her feet on top of the fire until she squills like a guy. She's bringing in an oil barrel. She's throwing in some newspaper, lighting it on fire, and then putting Karen inside it. You know, so now Leanne's like, now we go over to Cameron. Yes, Louie. I'm favorite. And she's like, I am seriously in Booneville okay like out here I'm

like a blonde alien like visiting a planet a planet a dog food I'm a blonde alien and I come in peace but it's weird because I thought I was already fully assembled. So she arrives at this, she arrives at this factory, this dog food factory, and I just love it. You know this is sort of like a, it's like a, like a, a blue collar space if I may generalize, and she comes in with her like pink fur vest thing, and you know she's all lanky and holding her little dog, and she walks up. I just was cra- anything she does cracks me up. She walks up to the window and she's like, Hi, I'm Cameron Westcott. I'm here to see Dwayne.

Is Dwayne here? Great. And then she starts talking about how she um, previously her last entrepreneurial endeavor is that she started something called baby Lou Pooch-Kutur And we see like pictures of Louis Vuitton, her dog in these little outfits that she made and to me it was so Best in show like this was like this was Christopher Guest at its finest And this is why Cameron cracks me up because she is like a character from one of those one of those movies Yes, she's like, you, the market for dog clothes was small and it wasn't

making a profit. But dog food is a $25 billion dollar market. Billion with a fee. If I can get a sliver of that, court might be working for me. Okay, Cameron. And the recessionist is just looking at the dog, like that is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. It's like in this little golden thing. You can do things.

Wait, we support these animals. I'm quitting. So Cameron goes, and she goes into like a little conference room and she meets with like these two guys. These like, burly got guys, you know, like the way he's like, you know, they're just like worker sort of guys, you know, they're like, they're like, you know, they're like, you're not going to be actors, you guys, you know. Hi, nice to meet you.

I have so many questions because I'm Cameron Westcott. Excuse me, I need to tilt my head to the side for a second. Great. Now I can see you properly. So I think we can all agree that we are so sick of typical brown kibble. Right. I went to Mexico and I love the kibble there and I was like great Losian to let's just keep having more and more Mexican kibble here Right you know what everyone hates a glee dog food I think that Louis would be so much happier that Louis would be so much happier with pink dog food. And I think you would be happier if Louis would be happier, right? Right. And basically, she's acting like this is some kind of job

interview or business thing where they have to agree. They're hiring a factory to make dog food. Yeah. It's not like she's winning anything. They're going to be paying them a lot of money. And the guys like, well, we've never done pink dog food, but I guess we'll do it. All right, we're in. You pay the check. We're in. Pay the bill.

We're in. This is the real deal. I'm going to disrupt the dog food industry. Dom dog food gets eaten. Smack dog food gets eaten. Smack dog food gets everything. We want our dog food to be like diamonds, right, Liu? Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.

You know that dogs are a man's best friend. Why are you trying to like, you're trying to sell dog products? Like, why are you replacing that saying? Diamonds are a girl's best friend friend and dogs are man's best friend. So now diamonds are man's girl's best friend. You know what diamonds need? Pretty or food. So next up, I want to put diamonds in water and serve that water to dog and call it dog water. But it's for man. So over at Dr. Trey W.M.D. like okay. So you got your boobs dead by the vagina

doctor. Okay. We've cleared that one up. So now you're going to him for this other thing, you know, because she has to get checked up on what's going on She's like my body is telling me peace out I tired Tired Okay, she's like I just can't work this yacht anymore. You know what I'm saying oh gosh So she he's like well, we did we did some tests and we did find a bad actor She's like was it Johnny Depp don't you dare call Johnny Depp a bad actor obviously

Murder on the orange express can't wait to find out which specific person killed the person So and he goes listen This is caused a problem we call it it necrosis. And she goes, I have a flesh eaten bacteria. And he goes, Yeah, sort of you kind of do. Yeah, yeah. No! Why me? Why me? I never even got to see the end of the murder on the orange express.

Well, sometimes bad things eat the end of the murder on the orange express. Wow. Sometimes bad things eat the flesh of good people. Why? Why me? Why me, Nancy guard again. Like I have appeared on the walking dead. Leanne. Here's a way to not get flesh eating bacteria in your tits.

Don't go to Mexico and then do an obstacle course remember when you said oh great. I'm gonna put my like freshly operated on boobs in the sand Yeah, don't Don't drink the water but sit in the hot tub like no no land No, didn't you see there was a guy from your very own state over the summer who got a tattoo And then went swimming in the water and then he got flesh eating bacteria and died. Okay. Oh, yeah And that's what you tried to tell that step is yeah, I know I remember that flesh What was that Galveston? Oh so sad that's a gross So over at dandruff's house The doubt is mad because we are leaving

Andrews asked, he's like the doubt is mad because we are leaving. I'm sure it means like remember that first trip we took together. Good Lord. You weren't wearing makeup. We were out in tents eating off the land. Now that's the girl I married. Yeah. You were never so sexy as when you sat in those bushes for five hours straight. I love eating off the eating off the land.

So they're packing and Keaton calls. And he's like, hey, hey guys, I just got off work at Verizon and thought I'd give you a call. He's like, well, we're packing for a trip. And Dandra's like, Keaton, hi, it's me, Dandra. Hi. Can you hear me now? That's a little joke.

It's reference to the path that you are on right now. We're going to rise up for us if you're alive. You see what I'm saying? I support that. I'm so sorry for being bossy. I was putting you on the Deandre lane, which is how it's successful. I didn't really need to be in the Keaton lane, which

is the Verizon store. So sorry. I mean, that is a fit and store for you because Verizon guys now she's feeling for some other phone company. If I can't go and keep a job either. Listen, but now you work with Mark Walberg and Jamie Foxx but not really that's so sad for you. Enjoy that job. And then she's done some

real soul searching. So she's like, now, I was trying to drive you down my lane and you should get your own lane. Okay. Now for a while it's probably gonna be carpool lane because you're a goddamn baby, you're never, okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, let's start this over. See, I was gonna have you go down my lane, but then I realized you drive a muscle car, and only douche bags drive muscle cars. I can't have that in my lane,

so you can have to go in your own lane, maybe your whole other road. Like, I'm basically a highway, and you're just like an alley. You know what I'm saying? Sorry. Life is a highway, you're just like an alley. You know what I'm saying? Sorry. Life is a highway. I want to ride it all that long.

Sorry. K-Key. Sorry. Have fun in that Verizon store. I'm sure you'll meet a lot of interesting people that are doing nothing with their lives too. Bye. My dress still aren't sold yet.

eBay. That pink dress is still hanging up in my closet. Have fun. Get the mouse to work back. So let's see here. I like that she's come to all this soul searching and she's like, well, I was trying to control Keaton. Like my mother tried to control me.

The difference is that Keaton has not come to me with snow algae, OK? At least he is. At least I proved myself to my mother, okay? Keaton has not brewed himself with anything. Yeah, the difference is Keaton has not made one of my hands like 20 years younger. So, last time I found out, but last time I looked at it, there's no such thing as verizon algae, okay? Where's that? Where's that verizon algae? Can you hear me now? Well, I think when this might be a good time to talk about what we're going to wear to Brandyland.

Well, the outfits are very important. Clothing is very important and ballast. Thank you. Yes, I agree. And you know, I know that if I were going to the Brandyland party, I would perhaps have to rely on the good people of Stitchfix to style me. Levit or Hayday, there's no denying you could be shopping better. You either spend all day at the mall and end up with yet another Strat T-shirt, or you scroll in the sleep online to just leave everything in your cart. Now, you can shop the productive way and end up with Stitchfix.

Do you want to look stylish or do you want to look like just some employee at the Verizon store? Or do you even, I mean, that was not directed. You do, I'm so sorry. I did not mean to shame you for leaving a mansion in Dallas to work at a Verizon store in some God for sake and say it elsewhere. I'm so sorry. Stitch Fix.

Anyway, actually, you know what's really funny? Is that like two minutes ago, I literally got an email from Stitch Fix saying that my next box is coming and I'm extremely extremely excited and by the way also times two like the first stitch we got the first stitch first stitch fixed box we got like because we're like there are sponsors they gave us like oh here you can have like some you can get like some free stuff from the box you know because're going to be advertising to you, et cetera, which was cool.

And at that point, I could have canceled my box, be like, OK, I got my free stuff. I am still Stitch Fixing it up with my box. Now it's coming out of my pocket, and I'm OK with that. Well, whether you're looking to express your personal style, dress for the job you want, or just try something new. Stitch fix can style you on your time. People without stitch fix are on other people's time. People with stitch fix are on your time. You don't even have to leave the

house. You can still get your doctor, no mad MD, a drip, and you stitch fix all the same time from your couch and then tell someone about what Karrie said and still get new clothes while it happens. All you do is just fill out your style profile online and stitch fix will send you clothes, shoes, and accessories pictures for you, your size, your lifestyle, your budget, your flesh-eating bacteria, and of course, what you like. Life-less-eating bacteria, necrosis! flesh eating bacteria and of course what you like. Life flesh eating bacteria in the grossest. Um, and you only pay for the item to keep and I'm sending everything back. It's easy.

Stitch fix, coverage shipping both ways for returns and exchanges too. There's no subscription required. You can get your sticks. You can get your fix monthly quarterly or whatever you feel like it. And each stitch fix box contains five items. get your fix monthly, quarterly, or whatever you feel like it. And each stitch fix box contains five items. You can try on at home so you can see what works best for your wardrobe. Now get started now at stitchfix.com slash crepains.

And you'll also get 25% off when you keep all five items in your box that stitchfix.com slash creppings to try stitchfix today stitchfix.com slash creppings. office dumb people with mailboxes get empty boxes. Smart people get stitch fix boxes with five things in them to try on. For real I actually feel like I'm like this is not because they're a sponsor I'm like for real excited to see what's in my stitch fix box. For real. for real. Yeah, I get some good stuff in my stitch fix. So thank you very much, stitch fix for dressing us. Well, we don't even have to leave that. I mean, no, it's a nice.

It's a nice. Anyway, so now let's go over to see what's going on before Brandy land. And Brandy, yeah. Brian comes in while Brandy's getting her makeup done at the party and he's like, whoa, are we gonna match? Yes, you idiot. You're at a white party.

I also don't like that he made her stand up while she's getting her makeup on. Yeah, why? It was totally benign, but to me I was like, no, you wait till she's done, sir. Yeah, how about you squat down, sir? Yeah, how about you look in the mirror and look in the reflection and see that she's wearing an sir. Yeah, how about you squat down, sir? Yeah. How about you look in the mirror and look in the reflection and see that she's wearing an outfit just like yours? Okay, yeah.

God. So, go over to the carious house. Carry's getting ready and Mark's like, hey, babe, how I look? Like sometimes I go out without a jacket but I feel underdressed. Thanks for catching up there, Mark. And Carry's like, you know what I feel like?

Like you never go to these plastic surgery dinners. And he's like, well, I'm going to that, so I don't have to go to Brandy Lyand, okay? Because it's gross. And also my sack is full. So have a good time tonight. I'm basically going to act like our little pasta spigot and just let it all out. So back at Brandyland,

Steph arrives at the party and Travis and Brian are like growing out like, you know, and then Steph has a really forced joke and as someone who makes a lot of forced jokes with long setups, I get it but this was too forced, she's like, hey, well it's like it's good it's a white party because like, we have a killer amongst us. And like, so if someone dies, like, we could take off our clothes and then we can put a white sheet over them because they're dead. And it's like, it could ever, yeah. Yeah, they can't all be golden, eh. Yeah, speaking of things, not speaking of things, not being golden. Did anybody notice that Travis has Stephanie drove up in a Kia? Like you just said, it's no offense to X.

I'm saying, I'm just going to say. Oh really? I was going to say, like no offense to Kios, but if your house is $5.5 million, Kia. Maybe. I think it's probably an Uber X. And you know what, I'm not even going to shame them for taking an Uber X

because I'm a former Uber X driver. And two notable people who I have driven in my Uber X, I drove Maurice Jones Drew, a star NFL running back. I drove him from UCLA to the Burbank Airport, and he was a gentleman, he was great. And I drove Travis Klanick, the actual CEO of Uber and as of like a few months, well, until he was like, act a few months ago, I drove him. So Travis, the head of Uber, as of like a few months, well until he was like asked a few months ago. I drove him.

So Travis, the head of Uber, took Uber X and I was his driver once. So there. There. There you go. There you go everybody. You heard it here first. Yeah, it's true. That's right.

I had to see O of Uber in my back seat and he brought a dog in my car. By the way everyone, he brought a small dog. You know, I think that's a big ask if you're a Uber ex driver to bring a little dog in. And I couldn't say anything because it was Travis Kalanick and I recognized him. Also his last name is Kalanick. Like you don't want to mess with somebody named after a fucking gut flush.

You know, I'm really excited for Raider online to pick up the story. Travis Kalanick brought a Maul Dog and her new barracks. So Brandi and Stephanie start having this discussion about Kia's just getting Brandi's like, um, Leanne, call me last night. Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh Oh, Oh Oh, Oh,. And Stephanie's like, um, you and I, huh? Because like, I felt like I had like a really good relationship

like with Carrie. So like, I'm like, she's be lying. And Brandy goes, why would she lie? Well, she's light about us all at one point. So I'm looking at this, like, I'm looking at this with my smart glasses on. When did you get those? Are those the smart glasses that encouraged you to buy a house that has like an open

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Do you see people as being smarter or do they make you smarter? What is it? I'm not really sure what these are. So, Brandy is like, well, you know, Leanne's got a crazy and she can fly out the handle, but I don't think she would lie about something like that. And so Brandy basically says that Carrie is, Carrie is fake and Leanne is a straight shooter. So, Steph has a good, yeah, then we got a commercials, right? And then we come back. Oh, maybe I'm out of my mind. I didn't mark out the commercial break. Oh, no, I don't know. Why don't you tell me? Why don't you tell me? Okay?

So Stephanie is like, um, well, I trust Carrie because like she was there when I had nobody and it defecates me like she said that and Brandy's like, well, Liam is crazy, but at least she's honest. And Carrie says, let's make up, but then behind our back, she's the one who's saying, that I said that, oh, I don't even remember what this fight is about anymore. And she's like, well, Liam is trying to put a wedge salad

between me and Carrie. So that's what I know. And I don't like to do cheese. So I love this to me, believe it or not, this is what, why I'm perhaps this season is so great. Because in this like stupid little conversation, you actually see that there's so many dynamics going on here, right? You have Leanne who wants to keep Brandy as a friend, but Brandy is going back to her

bestie, and Leanne and Brandy's bestie don't get along. So Leanne maybe is trying to drive a wedge, or maybe Leanne really is trying to look out for Brandy's best interest or both and then he has Stephanie who is closer with Carrie than Brandy is closer with Carrie and then Stephanie has some issues with Leanne and Stephanie has issues with Brandy and then he has Carrie who is allied with Cameron and Carrie who feels a certain way about these two because she is like the third wheel and she'll never be truly as close as those two and she'll always like the third wheel and she'll never be as close as those two and she'll always be the third wheel.

So she has resentment and that's like all this stuff. These are interesting interwoven relationships here and I'm just sort of like vaguely going over them but you can see how it's all tangled and how like a fight between Brandy and Kerry has a domino effect amongst this entire group. Whereas if you look at Orange County It's not as it's it's very simplistic relationships Tamra and Shannon are friends Tamra and Shannon hate Vicki You know this is this is just basically them to me. This is just them saying well Well, we're broken up other people were nice to us now We have to figure out how to get them out of the way the nicest way possible. Which is also interesting too. Yeah, and it is. Either way, Brandy is now,

Brandy is getting feisty now. She's really angry at Carrie, which to me, I feel like be annoyed at Carrie, but you really should speak to Carrie first because before you start going really off the walls, but Brandy instead is like, well, you know what, I've protected Carrie and I never told anyone that she was a nanny for Merck and his wife and I think it's pretty obvious they had an affair. Oh, that's nasty. So low. That is so low. So low.

Also, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Because, you know what, Brandy is like, okay, I'm going to step up to the plate and bring some crazy shit. Yeah, it was pretty bad. And she like, if that went on in my family, that bitch would have problems. And Stephanie's just like, oh shit. Like here she goes, because that's the thing. Stephanie even says she's like, this doesn't seem like

my friend Brandy. This seems like something Lee and we make her do. Like, okay, so now you're going to even blame this on Lee. Come on now. Liam does enough to get blamed for on her own without you just like excusing your friends, should he behave your gay? Exactly, and you know, this was, I mean, this was really overkill, I think I'm Brandy's part for what Carrie said in Mexico. I don't think, I think what Carrie said

may have been hurtful, but I actually, the context of it was not like the worst thing in the world. She was just angry. No, and Carrie had every right to be mad. Like she's been friends with Brandy and then suddenly Brandy's going and telling Leanne all this stuff that's gonna make Leanne mad

and then she's telling everything to the girls that's gonna make them mad at Leanne. You know, like she totally deserved what she got in Mexico. So Carrie had a, and Carrie stayed pretty calm. She was just like, that hurt my feelings. And like, I'm done with it. I'm going to punish myself by doing facial masks with Cameron tomorrow. So. So then Leanne shows up with Tiffany Hendra of season one. And Leanne goes, this is, this is just a funny comment. She goes, I look good in what people don't see the horns as much. Tiffany Andra is just going to get every hair piece that she didn't get to wear this season

as a full-time housewife in one scene. Like how much can you carry on your goddamn head, lady? That was the biggest hair piece I've ever seen. And then the surprise star of the episode shows up here. Ha! And look, and there's like this iPad on a pole attached to wheels, roving around the party, and it's the D Simmons 1000 remote operated cyborg. And I was like, oh my god, this is the most amazing thing I've ever seen on a house

so I've shown. Also, this is exactly how Dee rules the Sandra's life. You know that this little cyborg has had Dee's face on it and it just follows the Andro round her house all day long. You put that dish there really, really? It's probably the only thing that she got to pack for Croatia. It's like Dee following her around Croatia. You better call that party. You better call that party right now. You better tell them about

snow out. You're going to get serious about this. You need to beat that party. Oh, I'm here. I'm here from Croatia. Tell you about snow out to girls. I'm here. I'm here to give you all eating disorders. See, look at me skinny as a pole. Do I look fat when I stand next to the Dandra sideboard? So Liam's like, bitch, take your robot ass and go to bed. But like, has there ever been a funnier image than like Dandra's face talking on this like skinny pole driving around a party and as it rolls around people like like ah I'm out of my way out of my way dandra is here I'm in Croatia but I'm here too so funny

you see it robot bandra out mother fuckers please take it mother fuckers because my mom will kill me and then the D robot shows up behind her I heard that ah where did this cyborg come from the D-robot shows up behind her I heard that. Where did this cyborg come from? On the left. Wal D. Wal D. I love real.

R2D to that's not D. So funny. D2 That's not D. Oh so funny. We already did an R2D to run last week on Deandre 5 that's a Johnny Hadrons the headroom she's just like It's my D your mother you up yet. I got a D's D D D Mother when will you acknowledge me by my proper name small wonder? My small wonder perfect and everyone now you are not you are not fit to run this company You're not a small wonder you're just eating the clerks just tasting chasing around that little robot little robot face time Harriet comes into the window to play with her little robot face time. Harry, it comes into the window to play with her. So then Carrie comes with a rise of Cameron. Yeah, and leads like, look at her. She is so rude. She comes

in and a boy saying hello to anyone. She does what she said in Mexico is going to come back to eat her. Like a flesh on her nipple. It's coming. It is eating away at her the way Dr. Trees nipples are eating away at my breast tissue. So Cameron is now a Cameron now has a real important stance to make. She's like I don't understand why there's plastic cups. It's such a pretty venue. And yet we have plastic cups and not glasses. Dump parties, get plastic cups, smart parties, get every cup. And Carrie is like, you need to just drink more. I would like to make the bold statement of saying Carrie's really getting fucked in every

sensible every sense of the word on this show. She is made in effort this year to be nice. I feel like I don't even think she's done anything that underhand this year. Yeah, I mean, she gave herself a change from last year. She gave herself a cling on eyebrow, so that way she looks happily surprised at everything. She's trying to make crack jokes and her husband's been accused of getting blow jobs and now she's being you know being accused of breaking up a married I mean she is going through the ringer. Yeah she really is so brandy to Lee Ann she's like

you've lost so much weight. And she's like well it's because of flesh being eaten ladies and they're like what oh my god. I got flesh eating bacteria. So I just mourned you before I kissed you all. Oh my God here, but just this is a recap. As at this point in this episode, we have flesh eating bacteria, a robot version of Deandra that rolls around and terrifies party goers. And the pink dog feed in the factory.

And also rumors of family family breaking home breaking home wrecking Yes, and we learned that Kerry was an Annie. Yeah, this is just we're not even like we're maybe like 30 minutes into this episode but I guess the emphasis is really on flesh eating bacteria and DeAndra cyborg that's that's where we're at. And snow algae. And all the girls are like, what? Oh no! It's definitely because... So achieving flesh eating bacteria? Whatever, I don't care. It's not a pull-in-the-foyer, okay? So, Cameron's like, I can be funny too. I have a sense of humor so I got Brandy a gift and so she gives Brandy batteries for sexual chocolate she's like I was trying to be thoughtful a Cameron just so you know you forgot to give gifts to everyone who is there

which I think is a problem for you so, you did that in front of everyone. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. And she's like, you need this for your friend in Mexico. And Brandy's like, oh, I love this. I appreciate the thought. And she goes, obviously she knows nothing about dildos because they don't take batteries. So it's just like batteries.

Batteries are for vibrators and you probably need one. Yeah. And Brandi is not drunk yet. So she's sensible, somewhat sensible. And she's like, oh, that is so funny. Thank you so much. And Cameron's almost upset. And she goes, wow, she can take a joke.

Yeah, learn, learn. Okay. That's all you had to do. If you would just say that it's hilarious that huge Rubber penis thing that can stick to a table that is so creative. I didn't know they made suckers for those wow brand He thanks for bringing that it would have been over go so then Leons like now brand

I don't want care I know what about my flesh eating bacteria and the grosses in the titans, okay? I don't want care, I know what about my flesh eating bacteria in the creases in the titans, okay? She's gonna make fun of me. I just don't know if I can take it. I'm fragile. I literally have less tissue than I had 10 minutes ago. My boobs are eating my boobs! That bacteria is eating my boobs faster than anybody's touching those fruit trays. The great test of anybody's friendship, tell one of your friends about your flush out eating bacteria and see if they leak it See if that bacteria rumours brands my bacteria We are gonna find this liquor

No pun intended so now Carrie joins the group and Brandy just tears her down with that evil Brandy's tear that she does you know with her eyes from the slits She's like yeah, that's windy. Yeah, who's it's like is she reading an eye chart and why is she so mad at the biggie?. She's like, yeah, that's squinty. Yo, it's like, is she reading an eye chart? And why is she so mad at the biggie? So here is like, I'm bored. Yeah, she goes, I'm like so bored. To the host of the party. And right because they're talking about her right in front of her, you know, and so she's like, wow, here she is at

my party in Brandyland acting like a bitch. It's that she's saying, I want to talk to you. The end called me yesterday and said that you said that she said that someone in Mexico said on a dock and Leon just looking at her like, yeah, that's exactly what I wrote. Leon turns her head to Karen goes, I love when Leon pulls out her sling blade her belly body Both Thornton sling like hmm. I may have flesh eating bacteria, but you got bullshit eating mouth I also got face mashing fists they work Quot well

So Chris like I have no idea So, here's like, uh, I have no idea. She really does. She really does. I don't know. I'm like so bored. I honestly just want to go home and fill pots up with my pots to speak at. That's how bored I am. I mean, it goes, well, I will tell you what.

And she whips out these note cards. And, here he goes. She has note cards, girls. My name is Land, Jesse Raphael. And we are going to be conducting a talk show right now. I was dying and Stephanie is like she has not flushed eating bacteria, she has dementia. And Randy is like I can't even hear you in here. You can't hear her.

She's talking like she's on stage in front of a 5,000 person theater with no mic on. No can hear you. So they decided to go down to the room they didn't rent for this party. Cameron goes, who leads your own party to pick a fight with a guest who's supposed to be your friend? This goes down in party faux pas. She gets so mad in her talking heads. I like when her head starts jetting over silly things. She's like, this is a party faux pas. Maybe this is how they do it in Plano, but it's not how we do it in Fancy-O. Highland aparco.

Okay, oh. So, uh, Carrie is like, oh god, just kill me. You know what, Leanne you want to kill me just kill me now. Just come on. It's time So so they all go and they sit in the little booth and of course Gary has to say where's my Chanel coat? Okay, Gary you take your take your armor with you So Leanne's like, I'm gonna grab a chair while y'all sit in that booth So Leanne's like, I'm gonna grab a chair while y'all sit in that booth. I was like, I brought Tiffany Hendra here to watch since she doesn't get to do anything in her life anymore. Did they bring Tiffany down? I didn't even know this. Oh, Tiffany was there and not only was Tiffany there, Tiffany was cracking up the entire time.

If you go back and look, this is getting ahead of ourselves a little bit. But when Leanne gets up on her feet and gets right into Carrie's face, Tiffany is right behind the crack. She's like, she's like us. Tiffany is us And I was like, I don't think I've ever loved Tiffany as much as this moment because she is doubling over laughter like they were ghostly and again Oh my god, this is great. Are we all watching this? Can I can I can I do instant 10 seconds? Oh shit So Brandy's like um, um, Carrie, I want to hear you and what made you say that the answer, she said the Blaset, the Blaset and Carrie's like, look, I've been a really good friend to you guys.

Stephanie's like, and I've been really like, I've been really, really, really, really good friend to you. Okay. So we see where Stephanie's going to lie in the Sarge event. Yeah. And Carrie's like, um, I just thought you guys were, so we see where Stephanie's gonna lie in the Sarge event. Yeah. I just thought you guys were antagonizing Cameron in Mexico. Okay, and they're like, they were like shocked that she actually started taking Cameron's side in this situation.

Cameron's like, I mean, we had just had a conversation about boundaries and then you pulled out the dildo and it's like, why would we talk about borders of countries and then you bring out a dildo? It doesn't make sense. I don't like lack of continuity and conversations I'm smart you guys you guys crossed the border and that's why we're gonna have a wall Listen, I'm going south the border because I love tacos And I just can't stop eating them. Like ever since we came back to Mexico, I'm like, I want more tacos. And then we went to Mexico as a group.

And I'm like, I don't want tacos, because you made me sad. And like, you ruined tacos for me, boundaries. They're all just like shut up, Cameron. Cameron just keeps jumping in with silly said. And Carrie's like, look, we all know that Leanne is not my biggest fan. And Leanne goes, what does me being your fan have to do with shit you said? And she's saying this while she's like looking at a new card, being like,

all right, yes, I did address this point. Okay, great, great. Check that off. Anybody have another stack that I could put these net cards that I've already gone through into? And I don't know what it was. Kerry said something and the land goes, Kerry, you're going to shut up. So now carries. So so now they're start they're getting into it about the doctor thing. And Kerry is like, no, I think your doctor brandy, the doctor you chose is a great doctor. And of the list that you gave me, I think that the doctor you chose was

like the perfect choice. And then I was like, oh, that was the list that you gave me I think that the doctor you chose was like the perfect choice and Leo's like oh that always but my no part says actually we're not that segment yet so you've gone ahead and this love that she's like reading this stuff off her note card she's like number one you don't own shit what about that doctor doctor, death? She's like, okay, you have the perfect doctor, blah, blah, blah. She goes, did not, did not, did not own. Yo shit, bitch. And then Liam's like, all right, next topic. When Brandy brought the deal dough out

and poke camera in the foot, she laughed, did you not? I'm like, I love that the sentence is starting this way in like all sincerity. Like, so when Brandy pulled out the dildone Poke camera in the foot like you like Do you hear the words come you have your mouth? Carrie is not having any of this she's like um, yeah, I did I did She's like okay number two a

Then I walk off the boat and you're crying and saying you're gonna be embarrassed when your stepson sees this. Did you or did you not? She's like, oh yeah, I did. And then Brandy goes, why would you say that? And Cameron goes, why wouldn't she say that? And Bridget's like, but you're always naked. You're always naked. My body is a temple and she's given to me by God. Yeah, that body is a temple. and she given to me by God. Yeah. That body

is temple. It's given to me by God. It's called a Shirley temple. Okay. So Brandy's right. She brandy just can't believe that Carrie thinks that being naked in front of everyone and like having Mark take photos of her naked is less embarrassing than a dildo. Hello,

says the cheerleader. Like since when did you get like? Come on now Yeah, why is being make why is being in a bikini so bad or being naked so bad that girl works on her body Leap her alone. Yeah, and I actually feel like I mean, I don't think I would have been embarrassed by the dildo But I can imagine you know like having sort of juvenile Pranks with a dildo and waving around and wagging it. That actually is different than taking, you know, nude photos because even though the nude photos are like whatever, there's like at least some aspiration of art behind them,

even if they're not very artful, at least it's not, it's not done, it's not immature, at least. I love when we start getting serious about these fights. It's like, now let's get serious about the dildo effect. But I didn't take it as, I didn't even take it as the dildo being offensive. It's that Brandy wouldn't stop and kept chasing her around and smacking her with the dildo. It's not the dildo. It's that you're being a fucking relentless asshole. Do you understand? Like she gave you a little laugh. It's like, huh, okay, well, I'll give you a ha ha. Okay,

well, I'll give you a hee hee. Okay, ha ha hee. Okay, stop. Okay, stop. Okay. Yeah, it was, I think the, I think it was the immaturity of it. Like, again, like, if it had just been like one quick thing, or be like, ah ha ha, but if I had that brand, he kept bringing it out, I kept wagging it,

and like, seeing it in the hotel rooms, and like putting it in people, and it's like, okay, I am trying to be a professional, even though I'm on a real house, so I have a show, and this is just like really immature So now comes perhaps the line of the episode Criticially unlocking who goes listen gay man lock deal do straight man lock deal do all men lock deal do there's not a man on the planet who doesn't like a fucking deal do okay

And they they cut this deaf me space and she is I I don't like they cut this deaf me space and she is I Love the way that Leanne talks about Dildos like a big abstract concept gay men love Dildo Like it's like a state of being Stripe man like Dildo Why did I have that filed under 2c? That should have been its own number. I also didn't understand what Leanne's point was at that moment. Oh, at that point, what was hilarious is that Leanne, at this point, Leanne is now totally just, anything that Carrie says she's just going to go again. So when

Carrie's like, I was embarrassed by the deal. Oh, well, guess what everyone likes to deal with. So that's your problem. And then Carrie's then carries like um so why Why is it okay for cam to be embarrassed but not me and lands like uh I think it's the back of the cards yet Hey look at that glitter. Isn't that nice? She rips up the no card She got me she got me. What can I say she got me? She's a killer stone gold dealer Yeah, she's yelling about dildos because her she would be embarrassed for her stepson to see it and be so hilarious So what's the next part here?

You said wait, Karey said why is it okay? So step so when Cameron was on the dog or something? So when Cameron was on the dog me like they're trashy They're trashy and they're trashy. And they're trashy. Stephanie was like, well, like, you know, a good friend would have like defended us and said, like, actually, they're not like that trashy. They're just like, like smart women who like having fireplaces and swimming pools and their workers. And like, not that trashy at all, even though it's taken to bedrooms and like, steel, dealt those, hey, hey. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I mean, out of everything going on,

trashy, it's the thing that's really making sense. Exactly. And now they're getting mad at Carey for her reactions to what they are saying. Like, Carey's just sitting there, like she's not even reacting. She's like, doesn't even seem to care. So finally, Carey's like, listen, you know what?

Like, over the past few months, like, we've been friends and like, my friendship has been coming from the bottom of my heart. Like I generally love you guys. I love you girls. And like if you don't love me, it's cool. And she's like, but when I heard you didn't want to be friends, and Carrie's like, oh god damn it,

I would've said that to Leanne, okay. And Leanne goes, oh, oh, and she stands up and she gets right through. She goes, we will never be friends. She's right there. She's like, your breath smells. Oh, I hope it smells, I hope it smells like, don't shit.

You gotta lick it up. She literally said, these are the exact quotes here because this is too important to not have the exact quotes. Okay, Leanne gets in, carries face and she goes, oh, bitch, you and I are never gonna be friends. You want to know why? Because you're fake as fuck. It's called F-A-F. She just makes her own. She just makes her own act. And then this is in the background where you see Tiffany cracking up. If you go back, Tiffany is laughing her ass off when she goes, it's called F-A-F.

And that's, and the security goes, your breath smells. Oh, I hope it smells like dog shit. And you gotta lick it. Oh. And then Cameron is, and Cameron is, no, no. And then Cameron, Cameron is sitting there while she's saying oh you got to lick it up Cameron's just sitting there doing her makeup on her like on her on her Disney iPhone thing. So then Leanne goes Listen be real and and Karen looks the other way and we have like takes the glass throws it on the ground

Just be real careful Crash and definitely like oh my god. I'm a guy. I're all gonna die. I can't we go this is why you have plastic I've learned something The only one to get to the end of the mystery. Yeah, oh, this is why you have plastic Also, I forgot to mention earlier that when Leanne's like Streck guys love deal those gay guys love deal those, Clients love deal those, Nathroes love deal those, whoever loves the deal though,

and Camry goes, Oh my gosh. Irmuts. So. Yeah. Yeah. Irmuts love deal those. How could you not mention that?

So good. So now like after like the glasses thrown, you can see that there was like hubbub because Camryn stands up and like people are moving around and then it Custody's all sitting down so the bruises were clearly like no no no stay in the table. So I'm curious like I actually just like I actually love you guys and Care about you guys so and Brandy is like well I've been protecting you and I know for a fact you were the nanny fact, you were the nanny. Oh my God. And this is just so gross to me to watch. I hate when they just turn on each other that quickly. Yeah. So carry you can see. I carry is like, um, you can tell that it's true because carries just like fuck. Like I made a mistake trusting

this. Exactly. That's what it is. Like, see it goes. Well, 100%. I babysat the kids and I was paid by the family. So she's like, well, Larry, Carrie, Larry, when Carrie has been chipping her way at Brandy's character, saying that she's a liar. So why wouldn't she say the truth? Like, you know why? Because that's just like the bottom of the barrel shit. That's terrible. And then he was like, oh, smell that dog shit, breath, Carrie. That's the breath that home records deserve. Yeah, this is like a huge bonus for Leanne because she's like, I didn't even play in this.

And Carrie's like, wow, going for the kids. Yeah. Look, I was a nurse and when I was a nurse, I made extra money by babysitting the kids. Okay, I love this children like my own and they're angels. So anything else? This isn't on the no cards. Hold on. Hold on. Okay, continue. Okay. It's like the end and Lee Ann goes, Hallelujah. I told y'all I wasn't lying. And then they show the commercial or the reunion clip where she's, a carry's trying to cry so hard.

She's really trying to cry. And she's like, I would never have an affair. And Lee and goes, well, the truth will set you free. My shackles are off. I'm like, okay, that's, something Lee on Switch is right right back because like the truth will set you free. So girls, how do we move forward?

Yeah, just like no card 17 B. How do we move forward? How do we heal? Coming up after the break. And she just threw a glass. She just threw a glass and said, we will never be friends. And I hope my breath does smell like dogs. Look it up.

So how do we move forward? Do we want Tiffany back in the group? She should definitely be our new carry. Okay, great. Tiffany, you're back in. I missed Tiffany personally. So, Carrie's like, I'm fucking out of here. Like, I feel like I tried so hard. And Cameron's like, you know what? I feel like Kerry feels like she tried really

hard. So, no, no. No, no. No matter. Yes. And Leanne's like, well, she didn't want to be a part of the group. Fine. No, Leanne. Listen, in all housewives fights, you cannot give all the power to Brandy. Now Brandy is basically chosen Who's gonna be friends with you? Yeah, you cannot do that because guess who they're turning against already and you don't know it yet You okay? You better get carried back in here and figure out how you're gonna be friends I also love Cameron being like I'm gonna leave to Because carries my ride

I'm not actually making a statement with this. I just, I don't want to pay for Uber X. I don't like being with regular people. You know, she got in that car and was like, oh my God, I hope she took home those batteries. I didn't stay around to check. And if she didn't, she is going to gab at. How much the batteries cost anyway?

$45, I don't know. And that brings us to the end of a classic episode of Real Housewives of Dallas. I hope everyone's watching because this is one of those lighting in a bottle seasons. And unfortunately, what we do know about real housewives shows with the exception of perhaps like New York is that a lot of times when you have like an explosive amazing season like this, the next season everyone's really concerned with their image and they produce themselves too much so there's always a high risk that next season won't be as good so really enjoy this while you can.

And hopefully it will be as good next season because you have someone like Leanne on there who doesn't give a shit and will just say whatever and when you have someone on there like that it keeps it fresh but But you know, we remember my army season two was phenomenal and in season three was kind of bad. It happens. Yeah, um, especially because it kind of means the death for a lot of housewife shows. Like if this season isn't getting people to watch, I mean, they really are pulling out all the stops this season. I think people are watching. They've all amped it. They've all amped it. Well, it's doing, I don't know how you would say it's doing in the ratings.

I read on Reddit last night. By the way, love Bravo Real House was on Reddit. I was laughing my ass off last night reading it, but they had a ratings post and it's doing around 800,000. Yeah, that's probably fine. I don't know. Cable ratings are so weird, especially because they have to incorporate DVR stuff like the 7th, the 1 week after viewing, etc. And I just feel like cable ratings are not as readily available as network ratings.

So I basically judge it a little bit more by the buzz and the conversation around these shows. shows and Dallas has way more chatter on the internet than it did last season and then a lot of other shows like I noticed for instance, I don't think Vulture was even recapping it and they start recapping it so if like an outlet if an outlet starts recapping a show like mid-season it means that enough people are talking and that there's a demand. So I feel like people are paying attention. And the question is how much does Bravo pay attention to that sort of stuff? Because sometimes I feel like Bravo is really tuned in, and then sometimes I feel like Bravo

is just like not, you know? So hopefully Bravo is getting the memo that we are loving Dallas and we want 10 more seasons. Yeah, well we sure as hell are loving Dallas. That's for sure. That is for sure. So anyway, no listener spotlight this week. Apologies. We don't have any new entries. So we will try to get some more from y'all. And tomorrow we are back to talk some real house of New Jersey, also on the upswing, very excited to see the fallout

from this ridiculous bokeh trip. So entertaining. So I'll take that. Another classic. Another classic. Another classic. Yeah, I love a real house so I have show when it's firing on all six cylinders.

Is there anything more wonderful than that? There sure is not, man. Okay, everyone, go buy those tickets. Go listen to our bonus episode this week. I was going to plug it at the top of the show and I forgot. We go through the top chef, bios for the new season. It's super fun. Really, really entertaining. So we'll talk to you all season, a super fun, really, really entertaining.

So we'll talk to you all later, everyone. Bye, everybody, Lovia. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to WatcherCrapins, Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcast.

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