Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Marges Get Soggy Too
Episode Date: November 10, 2017Classic Marge gave us some classic tears as she bared her soul for Dolores on this week's Real Housewives of New Jersey. Come join us as we recap this study in Jersey parenting! See acast.com.../privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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crap ends. Hey everyone welcome to watch what crap ends the podcast about all that crap on Bravo
that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from peaceide blog.com and the Banch Blender podcast.
Joining me today is the wonderful and hilarious and just simply lovely Ronnie Carrom from trashtalktv.com and the
Rosefax Patchou podcast what's up Ronnie?
Well hello, man.
We are recording this at 7.42 pm the day before we go to Mexico.
And this is our last record of the week.
So it's like our Friday.
So I'm smoking out the screen door with a vodka
in one hand, and a fidget spinner in the other band.
Yeah. Well, you know, this is, this is a big deal because Wednesday night is my gay board
gaming night. So I'm skipping it in order to service the real housewives of New Jersey
because certain things cannot be ignored,
like tree in Puerto Rico.
I think bringing up service on this show is odd,
because on this show, you know nobody gets an oil change.
You know, nobody goes for a yearly teeth cleaning.
What show did we just,
oh, it was marriage medicine required that her own oil.
I was like, wow, that's impressive.
And it was probably just asking for her
to oil the trunk or something.
Hehehehe.
She just, someone gave her a funnel.
She's like, girl, I'll put this in any hole.
It's like, oh, no, what a flower.
Like what?
Baby.
Baby.
The quad came back this week and said, baby.
Five times, my week was already made.
Yeah, and by the way, if you're looking to, if you're times, my week was already made.
Yeah, and by the way, if you're looking to,
if you're like, where is the Maritime Medicine recap,
it's our bonus episode this week,
because we basically have a cluster of show's right now,
and Bravo was just putting out too much content
between Maritime Medicine and Escape,
and Atlanta, all this new stuff,
and that's just now, in December,
it was just announced today on Collin Richards Instagram,
Beverly Hills, Real House House of Beverly Hills,
comes back December 19th.
We got top chef coming back on,
like I think this Thursday, December 7th,
we got Vanderpump Rules, Relationship Premiers
after Vanderpump Rules.
We got that naked show. You know that guy Richie that we hung out with with Leanne. He's on that naked show. Oh really? Yeah.
Wait, which one? DJ Rich, which person or would show?
Which person? There were a lot of people there. Remember DJ Richie, um, he was the black guy.
Oh, yeah, I remember him. Yeah, he's on the naked show.
And I was gonna say, just that it's a lot of TV
that's coming down the pike.
I don't know how we're gonna do it.
You're lucky that you're going away for a cruise
because it's a good time to get away.
Well, we've decided to take that week off anyway
because that's Christmas week, like between Christmas and New
Year. But yeah, there's still a lot of shows to watch on that
cruise, girl. Well, what week, what week are you going away?
Christmas is a Monday and New Year's is a Monday. So I'm from
going. Christmas. Yeah, I'm going to 24th and I'm coming back
the third. Oh, okay. Yeah, we can take that off. Yeah. Um, what was I going to say?
But yeah, we only have so many shows now and it or slots to fill the shows. And it sucks at times
like this because the bonuses are more for our personal stories and our personal fun times. Yeah.
And so we're not trying to rob you by making you pay for those. Okay. But we only have so much time
in week. Be bold. We only have so much time in weak people.
We only have so much bandwidth between these shows
and trying to find that L22, it's impossible.
I'm sorry, but the bandwidth wasn't delivered, mother.
It's my fault, mother, it's my fault.
Oh honey, I don't even know what bandwidth is.
That's something that was invented after 1994.
Why would you need the width of a band, getting units?
Listen, I do not appreciate a band, okay?
Anyway, I'd like to apologize to everybody in my real life
that I have been texting Cameron saying,
you should not bully people with his ex-story gift, too,
because everybody's gotten it and they're like,
what is this and why are you putting me through this?
I also want to apologize because I named this week's Orange County episode. I named it by Kings of Wishful thinking.
And then as I was driving around last night I was like oh fuck. I should have named it.
Skull-hearted snakes.
Oh that's a good one.
Yeah I really screwed the pooch on that one. I'm sorry everyone.
I apologize. Although PTSD is dildo is no slouch. Yeah I designed that in a coffee shop and
the stairs that I'm sure I got from everyone around me. They're keep it reading Macbeth.
I was gonna say everyone of the same typical LA coffee shop people are reading Macbeth. I was gonna say everyone of the same typical LA
coffee shop people are reading Macbeth or working on their script or doing something
really pretentious. So the fact that I had a picture up of Cameron and I had a caption
on there that said PTSD is dildo. Yeah, it was an interesting site. It's why I wear my
crocs everywhere. Fuck you people in the coffee shop with your Macbeth. Yeah.
I sense that you're casually making a segue to Macbeth and the Macbeth collection of
Margaret Joseph's ways that it is time to move on to our Real Housewives of New Jersey
recap. It feels like just yesterday that we were recapping it because we were in San Francisco. But now it's this week for this was like a this episode in New Jersey after the last few weeks where
there's been a lot of fighting. This was one of those like parenting episodes like look at the
way the different people parent you know every housewives show has an episode where they do that.
Yeah most of the shows actually look normal. It looks like, oh, Kyle's kids still sitting on the countertop are getting about stuff.
Everyone kind of looks normal.
They don't look normal in these scenes on Jersey.
It looks like, well, your mom's making me bring you to a place.
So I guess I can do this for two hours.
Yeah.
So this week's episode opens with like, we see pops of different people doing different things
So we see tree packing for Puerto Rico with no no no no no no no
Puerto Rico
You'll buy me back this one that oh
You want to pack this one that
All right, could you maybe blink while you moan so we know which one you want which one you don't
Siggy's at the doctor hello. This is Siggy. I'm checking in from my appointment.
Is your nap? Is your last name pronounced flicker? You are a terrible person from making fun
of me. That's disgusting. And then a very sexy scene of Marge Senior pulling up in her convertible mini-pooper.
And that has a lot of...
Yeah, and pink and green heels.
It's like darn, darn, mini-cooper in there.
You know that she was probably a regular at Kaffatze when it was open.
Totally.
Or as it's known by its English pronunciation, Kaffees.
Hey, Edward, while I'm over here getting my pigtails on you,
why don't you have some exalent?
I used to go to Kaffees,
but they always made me exalent every time I went in there,
and I said enough is enough for my senior.
I'm putting eyelashes on my cob. Mod senior out.
Whatever happened to the bowls of candy of the desk
You go by there on Halloween. They just give you an egg and some mayonnaise and say do it yourself
So tree is still back home with her kids which one you want
She's helping Bluntty a pack now
She's like the long one.
And then she jumps on the bed. She's like, this bed is really hard. Yeah, no, no sleep
on hard beds, okay? A little brat. They came over on the Mayflower, you know, that's
that's what no, no sleep on. Yeah. I want you to have a minute. I'm sorry. I apologize
to everyone. I want you to come in here. Rock is bad back and forth
And splash some water on him to feel comfortable, okay?
I want you to go play stick ball with him. That's what mine's in love. So anyway, I'm like out of my mind
I don't even know the thing. We both are. I'm not much cold medicine
But I'm liking it. Oh, are you feeling better? I hope you're better for Mexico.
I was feeling like shit, so I took some more cold medicine.
And now I'm feeling really tired, but awake and clearer.
Make sure you go to sleep early and please
try not to smoke for the next 12 hours.
Give your body a break.
OK.
So Teresa.
I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.
I'm not saying that.
I don't smoke a real true answer.
And that's a kind thing to say.
It's just funny to any smoker because it's like, okay.
I'm not saying.
I'm just saying if you're ill, I know.
Just for like a second.
That's not how cigarettes work. You know, it could be
raining outside. You could be drowning in quicksand or quicksand and you're still like, where's the
cigarette? It's never like appropriate to have a time. The first time I've ever gotten you
mad on the podcast. Huh, and I'm not mad. You're like, okay. Well, cause I don't wanna be like, get off my ass.
And you're right.
And you really want the best for me.
And that's nice.
That's nice to have that in life.
But I'm an ugly person for making fun of you.
You're a horrible person for saying something
and a sensitive way to me.
I'm like mad at you for being a good friend. I'm a Jewish friend and that's you know like when people are sick there's like an instinct
that comes out of us.
Us Jews where we just want to say listen here's where you get some chicken salad.
I mean chicken soup and some chicken salad and start the smoking for 12 hours.
Would you?
I wouldn't slap somebody for bringing me some lots of balls of by.
I wouldn't be mad.
Why should call postmates
But I got into it with a postmate
So I'm like waiting because I feel like if you've lost your temper with a postmate You have to wait at least a month to call again
Because I felt really bad after like I accused him of stealing my french fries. Oh, wow
I can't even believe I'm admitting that.
But every time they bring me McDonald's,
they've eaten my French fries, and I don't blame them.
We all eat the French fries from the bag.
It's an American trickish shit.
But come on.
They meaning that you ordered McDonald's
and then like a meal and they only gave you the burger
and the drink.
They give me the burger, the drink, and the fries, but the fries are eaten, like there's half
eaten from the fries and they're like, no, no, that's just how they came.
I'm like, no, they don't come that way.
I know how they come.
I'm a McDonald's regular.
You ate some of these and figured, oh, they were overfilled.
I'll get them right below the line and he won't notice.
I notice.
Oh my God.
I never would have suspected that
I didn't the first time I said you're crazy
The second time I was like okay, maybe they are but who can who can blame themselves every McDonald's right? Yeah
And the third time I was like you ate my fucking fries wow that's not cool wow
Wow that is I would like to get to find that. Yeah, that's, I'm sorry
that they your fries because I would get mad about that too. Well, they're sorry they
did too. Wow, that wasn't pretty. So that was confession for the day. Let's move on.
So Dolores meets up with Sigi. And I like that when Dolores meets up with Sigi, the music
is like the final selection music from House Hunters, but remix, you know, like the Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh- walk a one that's close to the work. Is the one with the field on the back the one I should choose?
Don't don't don't don't don't you imagine Sigi being the realtor showing people different
houses and this one over here has an ensuite bathroom and popcorn feelings. This one is at the center of the town! Wait, you could know everyone!
Janine!
Maxwell!
Eugene!
Jody one!
Jody two!
This one's at the top of your range.
I don't know if you can take it.
We actually like it.
Oh my god!
She wouldn't ever even wait till the end to give us a result.
She would just be like, this is you!
I don't care, you're taking it, trust me, know your work!
We actually want to get rid of option number two.
Huh!
Who takes a house and throws it along the floor of a restaurant,
because that's what you did to me.
Do you have a knife that's sharp?
Because he keeps stabbing my house in the back!
The option number two was the best one.
It was close to town.
The Laura just takes whatever she tells her
and reduz the kitchen for a year.
It's a beautiful back splash.
Excuse me, I'm going to step on this table now.
Oh, it's a nice sip of vodka. So, Ziggy Dolores is with Ziggy at the Doctor of
Chorus and she's like Dolores, thank you, thank you, thank you for being with me.
Ziggy Flicka, knowing my worth at the Doctor and she has come to the
conclusion that even though I hate March
from making fun of me for being over emotional, I have to admit I'm over emotional and I
got to do something about it. Even saying the phrase, I hate March for saying I'm over
emotional is an over emotional sentiment. But at least he knows it.
Yeah. And she's like, I'm not going to be soggy flicka.
I'm like, you know, you're the one giving soggy life, okay? You are giving soggy life.
But I like that she's brought it into her vernacular because now she can deal with it, you know?
Yeah. So these two doctors come in, these crazy pairing of doctors, and they have some sort of
semi-patented procedure that they kind of invented,
but kind of didn't, whatever, I don't know.
But this was tricky, Ben,
and I'm not sure if I would have been happy with this.
She goes, I'm gonna have a better sex drive
and not be Salgui's liquor,
because this is the doctor that invented the procedure, aren't you?
And he's like, well, I actually know, I didn't invent it,
but I did come up with the proper dosage
and then I re-styled it to be my own sort of thing. So in that way, I suppose, excuse me,
how about you keep your fucking playtime out of the doctor's room, sir?
Yeah. Well, you know those New Jersey doctors, they like to experiment a little bit.
Do we not remember Daniels, Strip Mall, Plastic Surgeon from Season 2?
Or like the L in Plastic Surgeon, like the Neons, like flickering on and off.
Plastic Surgeon.
And this one has a partner.
He's like, we do everything in twos. Yeah, exactly
I'm not sure Michael Campanella's gonna be so happy
I'm gonna be the good kind of soggy flick
Sogy into vagina
And you know what you know what see you that's a little bit too much information even for me and I give a lot of information, okay?
even for me and I give a lot of information, okay?
Dr. Jisilver told me about this procedure. I can't wait to get it.
So basically he's going over her blood work
and it's like we've seen this scene already this week
because we have.
We literally saw a hormone treatment.
And the fact that I didn't know y'all had so many hormones,
I mean, progesterone, estrogen testosterone.
Testosterone.
Yeah, oil in your heart, Joan.
Like there's tons of stuff that we'll have to say.
Oil of a lay.
The doctor was like, yeah, your testosterone's very low.
And when you have low testosterone,
you're going to have mood swings.
And they cut to her.
And she's like already crying
I'm like you better get that testosterone into her stat
My testosterone I miss it already. It's so low almost as low as house number three's price
Your hormone levels control your libido your heart the little magnetic key used to get in your front door
Yeah, everything.
That's all I wanted.
It was just after my own.
The lorris is like, please don't change too much.
I like my soggy flicka, okay?
Mogs needs to shut up, okay?
I need a pellet for her.
So you need to just calm down, okay?
You're being supportive, but let's be supportive
while you're wearing your seat belt, please.
You know what?
My ring needs to shut up because I'll throw this chair
right through the walls in two minutes, okay?
You know why?
Because I'm strong, I've been working out with masks, all right?
You know what?
The gym's going well, that's how it is, okay?
I can take masks, you can take pellets up to about.
There, I said it, it's gonna be fine.
So Dolores has really pissed at Danielle still still Danielle who did not make an appearance this episode
She knows she doesn't like that Danielle was questioning her living arrangement with Frank and Dolores is like, you know what?
Trees husbands in jail Danielle has been engaged 19 times
You know what I say? I say thank you. Thank you because it means now. I know I'm doing good
I'm doing good because they you know what if they disapprove that means I'm on the right path okay you know
what else they disapprove of my gym and mass doing well there okay I'm doing
good doing good I know her fucked up relationship is okay because everyone
else is is which I mean I think she has a point yeah well cares if some guy
I didn't have to fuck would come take care of half the house and walk
Bueller like who cares come over buddy
Yeah, I think you could be in a friend. Yeah, I mean those those IKEA chairs don't make themselves
Exactly
Yeah, Frank and Frankie powerful duo
Yeah, yeah, so Dolores is really she's really on she's still mad
She's like frankly frank cheats me better with more respect than Joju Dice did to trade any day, any day, okay?
And then she's like, well, she just lost another. Her judgment could be classic.
I don't care. I don't care. I don't care that she lost some of them.
You come to my family, you come out to Frankie and the way he holds a fork, like a caveman, then we're gonna have problems, okay?
I thought that when they were throwing the cake
and we told them to stop that she said boo.
You wanna come for the boo?
You wanna come for the boo?
Let me show you what's gonna happen to you.
You get a come for the girls to boo.
Let me tell you something.
We go to the pet cemetery and you're digging up
and his skeleton's gonna bite you in the ankle, okay?
Now, Margaret has a point.
As Margaret is one of the more intelligent ladies on this show.
She's got a point, but she also know what she's doing
when she goes on a talking head and says,
her husband treated her better than Joe Everkud.
And what Joe did, yeah, who did I say?
Margaret, I'm an idiot.
But she knows what she's doing when she says that.
That's gonna cause huge trouble.
That's like the worst thing you can say to Teresa.
Well, and also, you know, Teresa is going to just like,
cling on to this one moment where Dolores says,
I don't care that I'm on just,
you don't care that my mom's died.
You don't care that's not a true friend.
You don't care about my mom's dying.
It's like, no, she's saying that right now
she doesn't wanna hear it because she's pissed at you.
Yeah, well, you gotta put the work in to be friends in me.
I remember.
Remember how Teresa, Teresa basically ended her friendship with her cousins
because they said that where what was that thing?
Cause like, um, what's her face is mom, Rosie and, um, you know,
Rosie and her sister, why can't I think of her name?
They talked about them.
They're issues, the camps.
And she was like, if you do the bad thing,
you've got to pay for it.
Yeah, and then they like,
and then Teresa basically excommunicated them
from the choreographer family.
Yeah.
I can't have a name.
Richie is their husband.
Richie's.
But they had had a lot of problems before that,
as we saw at the,
christening,
the,
the killer of an episode that opened that season.
She already hated them, but I forgot why.
For, well, for just many reasons.
Wait, why can't I, can you, what was this house's name?
I'm like, I'm like dying here.
You know, Rosie, sister.
Kathy, thank you.
Oh my God, you loved Kathy.
I just assumed it would come to you. No, I'm like what's the name?
And you're like anyway going on. I was like no, I need her name. Yes, she's dead to me, but didn't you even buy one of her kits her?
Her can only kits. No, I'm a sedically kit. So stupid
Well, either way we then see the doctor inject pellets into Sikki's ass and it looked, it was like a big, it was like a big thick needle
It was like sticking like a hamster water bottle into someone's ass. It was like this was not like a syringe
And she's like that's it. That was wonderful
Doc, that was amazing. Thanks doc. Thanks doc. Thanks doc. I'm like are we in 1942? Yeah, the app. Yeah. Hey, Doc. Thanks so much for the Pellet me ass, okay?
What's your Instagram handle, Doc?
I'm putting it there right now.
Get a shot of this pellet in my ass.
Do it. Do it.
Doc, I got you this cake.
Go enjoy it with other Doc, okay?
And don't throw it on the floor, Doc.
And Dolores is like, how long does this take?
Like, is this gonna start working in the car because like if she starts trying to fuck me
I mean, I don't know what I'm gonna do
She's like that was amazing. I feel younger not like crying at all
Let's celebrate my new youth by going to rails and getting a rail teeny
She's like let's tell the girls that I got pellets in my ass
So Sige or Dolores, one of them kisses the other one's ass and they're like, I'm going to be your friend forever.
They're like, I love you, Dol.
Yeah, Sige kisses Dolores's ass.
Oh, actually, I could have gone the other way.
I don't remember.
Either way, someone's ass got guests in an affectionate way.
Yeah.
And I like this.
Like I have said a million times, I really like when the ladies are like,
I'm on your side no matter what.
Yeah.
I like their friends.
I like to run over a baby in the street.
And I will say I did not see that.
Yeah.
I like their friendship.
I'm loving to Laura's this season.
And I'm for it.
I know people are at their wits ends with
SIGGI but I'm okay with it. I'm not only okay, I'm in love with it okay. When you're
here, you're family. So then we go over to Margaret who is hanging out with Mark Senior. And much is like, I was just driving back
with my little beep beep, you know what I'm saying?
What if she was alive in the time before cars?
She was like, I was just getting around
on my little, nay, nay, you know what I'm saying, kid?
Have you had your homework?
Got one.
I love these crazy hostless carriages, huh?
So, Mark was like, you know what? I got a year and a year and a half and I So Margaret's like you know what I got a year in the Yang and the garden the garden here
And you know, I'm not sure it's like it's a very it's a very different culture for my
I'm not sure if I'm crazy about the Asian garden behind my house
It's a crazy little Asian it's like if I want to be an Asian place. I go to a Chinese restaurant
That was that was my classic match right there. It's classic match joke, okay?
Classic bar. It's like at first I thought it was a circle that I found it was a year to get what are you?
Yeah, like who are you gonna me like why do we have to do this while we're just trying
to sit and have a conversation on the other swing ma you know it took me 25 years to
res you in a yang wasn't just a wasn't just an inaccurate you know poorly drawn black and
white cookie okay I thought was a cookie all this stuff yeah it's classic match that
Jones I thought that one to Jones I said let me tell you my black and white cookie joke
guess what black and white cookie you know it is you know it's like a rigid you in a
yang she left so hot I'm telling you she died because that joke she died. I carry that to my grave
You know cuz she carried it to her grave another Joan classic right there
I heard Margaret seniors like are you sure it's not a 69 cuz I'm getting a lot of that these days on the tipper
Yeah, oh my god seriously mom my fucking mother like seriously. I don't even want to do right now
So she's like so just sit on the swing, I don't even want to do right now. So she's like, so just sit on the swing, my, I don't want you to fall, because I got things to say,
you know, beep beep in gang. Okay, look, look, you know, I'm not even into the garden.
I don't even know why we're out here, but there's a chair. So let's sit on it. Listen, I hear
Sige, like I hear, I think we got over it, because we wanted the diner. I mean, look, who eats that
much cheese on their fries
and doesn't get over something?
Like that's ridiculous.
We could solve every war in the world
by just eating what she ate at that Diner.
Okay.
I thought she was over.
I mean, I ordered a moon over Miami.
Okay.
And I thought, like, the secret rule of moon over Miami
is you get over it.
Okay, that's why it's called, that's why it's over in it.
Okay, what are the breakfast food has over in it? Okay, I guess eggs over's called that's why it's over in it. Okay, what are the breakfast food
Has over in it. Okay, I guess eggs over easy. But guess what she's over hard. That's what I've decided mom's that's classic
Match classic match right there. Oh, my heart.
It's microchosis right there. Microchosis joke. She's very very difficult to please. Okay, you know, I can't do it. You know, she says she's
Supposed to be empowering women like she tried to cut me down like a tree, okay? And then
she comes to this party and she left and she stuck a tongue out at me and the mom's just like,
Back in the day, we knew that man that the Lindy Hop was starting.
Like that is some good shit right there. I like this girl. Yeah, so Margaret's like, you know if anything
I was I was defending the Laura's because you know
Danie I was wondering like what's going on with this crazy relationship like why is the Laura's and why the Laura's
I'm not saying no, he's none of my business. You know, it's not a fine. I have a bruises. She wants to God bless
Okay, you know what I say you live your life just the way I live my life in a very funny way. You know what classic March
It's classic March. I have an unconventional relationship, you know?
I mean, the way I jumped on Joe, we could be LGBT,
you know, M-G-C, you know, classic march.
Yeah, you know, with a Q stands for Quiet Woman,
Get Off of Me, I'm trying to do my work,
because that's me, I was all over him,
you know what, because I was like the guy in the inside,
and he was like the girl in the inside,
so we're like perfect for each other.
You know, I just, I wasn't born to the Lucky Spirum Club, you know what? Because I was like the guy in the inside and he was like the girl in the inside. So we're like perfect for each other. You know, I just I wasn't born to the
lucky sperm club. You know what I'm saying? Classic match. Hashtag the ballroom still not done.
Hashtag, do we have to put some confetti on this? You know, in the hangover here, so people don't
have to see it. Okay. Like, how am I going to have a party with the Indian in the floor? Okay,
it's Michael. It's it's the McBeth collection is not called the Indian in the Yang collection. Okay.
So she's talking about how she's still close with her ex and that's weird to everybody.
And we get a clip of him and her together having breakfast
and she's like, oh, you're like that?
I should get you in a espresso machine, huh?
And he's like, no, what am I gonna do
with an espresso machine?
It's embarrassing.
It's embarrassing.
Yeah, it's embarrassing.
Only women do things like that.
You know, it's like, what are you crazy?
I'll find another woman to get me some bit of coffee.
What's espresso anyway?
You're saying it wrong.
Nah.
By the way, I wanted to say it wrong.
She said espresso.
I went to a restaurant last week and the waitress was trying to push espresso and
martini's very much on the issue is like anyone want an espresso martini
They're really great. They're like a dessert. You want to want anyone want one anyone want one? They're great
I spress so you want to express a marching no you know you didn't say espresso
But I thought I saw it in your eyes that you want no no espresso got it
I was like I watch below deck. Okay. I don't need an espresso martini
It was probably like a contest night.
We're the like, whoever sells the most of the espresso martini
wins our $5 gift certificate to Appleweez.
I'm like, lady, I have to get to Hamilton.
Okay, enough with the espresso martinis.
She's like, we pre-made 500 espresso martinis
for this audience.
Please take them.
Please, we put we we have little cocktail
band nets to go with the Hamilton theme. Please take it.
Well, is any mother advises any good mother advises? Marge senior says,
wow, Colin talk to where that's what you gotta do, because it doesn't even
make any says, I'm sure if you just called them and talk to her. And she'll
like, yeah, because that's the thing, mom.
Like, listen to this.
Oh my god, your foot's on the gang.
That's bad luck.
Okay.
Do you not blame me for that?
But the like seriously, what I can't get over is like, we don't even have a problem.
It's like, Siggie, like she's the one who hates me.
She's like, well, you're going to have another problem though.
I got some bad news.
Because now you're going to call Dolores and then Sigg Ziggy's gonna get mad to get called Dolores behind the back
so good luck with that I'll be hanging over here on Tinder okay you know
it might you know you know you just gotta like just take a few off the end of
the eye you know you gotta read up on your Confucius you know he says do one to
others as others would do one to you you know you know what that's a
Margaret Joseph's okay classic March classic Confucius okay all right I'm calling Dolores right now okay Dolores okay 9177179171 okay
hello is this Dolores no this is movie phone okay guess what classic March I called the wrong place
all right hello Dolores and Dolores is like oh hello Margaret how are you today? The movie girls are what do you in trouble with Maz?
That's like a trouble with Maz. Yeah, she's like hello Maz
Chicken run is showing at Greek again. What?
5 p.m
Hope floats at
315
330
345, 330, 345, and 730?
I love that Dolores only has like lame old movies at her theater.
Her theaters playing, check them out and how floats.
He's like, Forest Gump is playing.
At the same time as everything else you'll have to choose.
everything else you'll have to choose. Face off is playing at 5, 5, 15, 7, 38, and at 10 o'clock, there'll be a special
presentation where I described to you exactly what was going on in face off because you
see it was Nicholas Cage, it was playing John Chavulta, playing Nicholas Cage, but
John Chavulta's playing Nicholas Cage, playing John Chav Javolta is playing Nicholas Cage playing John Javolta and
CCH penalty was there too and I said, Matt, as you guys see this movie everyone's in it.
Also a lot of birds. I remember a lot of birds. Okay, we'll talk we'll talk at the late show. I'm gonna take your face off.
Your faces, you get a lot of different levels there, Matt. A lot of different levels. Anyway, 10 p.m.
Discussion.
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So, the Loris is playing this game very, very well. Yes, she is being hilarious.
She's not being, oh, she's not getting run over, but she's also dealing with these
petty fights that make no sense very well.
So she's like, hello, it's Margaret McMath.
You know, like if you want to know how to get out this bad, I'll totally tell you
because like what's the use of keeping secrets when you're friends?
You know what I'm saying?
And Dolores is like, hello, how are you today?
And she's like, yeah, you know, just checking in because you know, after that Gorgah carb
fest, like everybody left in a half, could you believe that they had ovens working?
I mean, I was so impressed with them.
I mean, Margot was halfway there before I had to tell you, guess what the ovens are working
as I tell Jody one and Jody to bring some take out boxes because there's more food for
everyone, okay?
And that's one. I mean, Jody one and Jody two were already walking on their way with their little sternos
To get everything working okay. I mean those two they're really a life-safe for what bubble is they?
I mean they brought they brought they brought they brought chafers and closures
I mean it was like we're gonna have a whole big buffet. I said girls. Guess what? The oven's work. I mean it was crazy
I got never seen this before you know what this was you know this was classic Gorgah. They at work. You know what? My ovens, they don't work. I use them for storage.
Okay. You know what? That's true. And guess what? I don't care because that's how it goes at my
house. Like, what am I going to do? Macbeth, don't care. Classic March. It happened. It worked out
anyway. Macbeth, don't care. So she's like, you know, at the end of that thing, I thought we had
closure, but now I'm bringing closures.
Okay, so I wanna make sure you're there,
and I wanna talk first, and Dolores is like,
well, since you're close with Melissa and Trey,
we gotta have civility, so that's fine.
And I like that she's already given herself rules.
She's like, okay, these are the community rules,
so I will do this.
Yeah.
And she's like, well, that would be lovely.
She's like, please make an appointment with my secretary after the beep.
Is this still you?
It's really, I never saw chicken run and it sounded great.
So, chicken run, I have a question.
So here's my question.
Is that a movie or is that what the entree is for tonight?
Okay, classic match right there.
It's a little humor.
I used to always, I used to kill Joan with my chicken run humor. I had so many chicken run jokes. I mean, it's hilarious
that you're watching it. You're a movie theater right now because Joan loved it. I mean,
you know, I was very, Joan loved that movie.
I told Joan one time, if you was a chicken, wouldn't you run? She laughed. I mean, that's just
like one time of a million, you know, classic, classic mind, classic match. I have chicken
run material. Just, just the material just just the best just the best
Did we're gonna call it chicken run police originally and I said, you know what?
You know, Joan she called fashion police. I think that I think the chicken run will be two inside baseball
She said wait chickens play baseball. I said Joan. You're being hilarious right now. Of course. They don't play of course
They don't play baseball what I'm saying. It's this expression. She's what expression police
I said, you know what Joan you do your own thing and you know what she did classic match
Oh Joan we miss you Joan so speaking of a re-employed a re-count and you can tell because every time they go to Puerto Rico
It's like
Like you can't just take the music from Grand Theft Auto every time they pass through like the little Mexico
town or whatever. Come on guys. So Nono is the tree and their daughters and Nono are
all there. Nono had got sunburned so he's like a lobster and he's like he's like on a
shes lounge just like lying flat. You know, he's snoring as he does. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but you know, typically that's what we see. But here was just like, what you'd expect, like the, you know, the, the Hilton, the Sheraton, Sheraton of San
Juan, you know, wherever. Yeah. Yeah. But of course, no matter where they are, tree, we'll
find a photographer. Thanks. Always. And Danielle will find tree. Because Danielle calls up
and she's like, Hey, tree. So guess what?
That's a Loris. What's up with the Loris? She's really crazy these days, huh?
How they segue from like, I get to when she's like, ah, it's really that.
Yeah, because we think of mine. And so like, everyone's crying. She's like, okay, great.
So that thing with the Loris, like, it's really crazy that she got mad, right?
Like, wasn't that crazy?
Why in the world would she have gotten mad?
That was nuts!
Yeah.
And trees like, yeah, you know, it's like, you know,
Danielle, she's putting in a time to be a friend,
but Dolores isn't, so like,
Danielle's a friend is in staff, okay?
I'm like, oh God, this is like massive manipulation 101.
Yeah, she's got like a fucking punch in and punch out system at her house.
Yeah.
So then we just been like that for a few years.
That's been in her arguments against people.
Wow, she put in the time.
Yeah, both.
Three definitely put in the time.
So we then go over to Joe and Melissa cooking dinner in their house.
Right. I need to be more sensitive
to people that actually understand
putting in the time. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe like adolescent face up being like yes no you be quiet I wasn't talking to you
yeah when there's a's at the end of everything puberty's here yeah puberty has
arrived so anyway they're cooking dinner and Joey Jr. he announces that he
has three girlfriends at school so Joe Gorega gives him a high five. He's like, yeah, that's my man.
And they're like, and then the kids are like,
Antonio's got a boyfriend.
He's like, no, you're not allowed to have a boyfriend
and you can't sleep over someplace
because you're over 12 and you're too pretty.
And I don't want you to get taken advantage of
so no boyfriend from you.
I'm like, hello double standard.
Yeah, and of course, Melissa explains it is.
You know, that's an Italian thing, you know,
where like they treat women like shit and like where property and stuff. And that Melissa explains it is. You know, that's an Italian thing, you know, where like they treat women like shit
and like we're property and stuff.
And that's how it is, it's really fun.
You'll get used to it.
Yeah, I don't think so.
I think that's, I mean, I mean,
I don't know what it's like to parent and adolescent,
I think it seems like a nightmare and terrifying,
but I just think it's like, I don't know, probably the wrong way that he was like applauding his son,
having three girlfriends, but then to like, harsh, he's like, oh no, you can't have a boyfriend.
Yeah.
My caliphia liberal sensibility is we're threatened.
Oh, yeah, you got to put those aside for this show.
I mean, even how it opens, it's Joe beating a chicken.
And of course, I write Joe's beating a chicken, of course. write Joe's beating a chicken of course and then he goes yeah, I'm beating the meat
So that's you know, that's what you're studying right now, you know, yeah, pretty much exactly
So they try to pretend they talk to their kids a lot and Mel's like you do your homework
Yeah, it's mother
So they start talking about the
The boyfriend stuff and Joe's like this rules in life
Which is interesting since any one of these people could be dragged away at any moment. We know that right
You'll have the internet right
So he's like let her out then Melissa you want to let her have fun just let her out then have her some birth control
Hey, what about that just hand her some birth control. Hey, what about that? Just hand her some birth control. Hey, actually, dumb duts. That's a good idea. And you should teach her what it is.
And to start using it when the time comes.
Sir.
Yes, sir. Yes. So then we have Delores in a car. She's driving along and she calls up Ziggy and she's like,
Hello, my Dolores.
I'm at the Short Hills Mall and yet none of the hills here are short.
I want to have sex with Michael Campanella.
I'm with my daughter who doesn't understand.
She can't get the ad pants with the rest, saying no. So Delores breaks the news.
She's like, well, Margaret called me and she feels that she would like to make an appointment
to speak with me regarding that we got off on the wrong foot and I still on the wrong
foot.
And she's like, oh, this is the first for this.
This is the first for this.
I'm happy I'm not with you Delores.
This is not a first.
She did this last week and took you to a diner
and got you like disco fries
and you just pretended it never happened.
Man.
Yeah, exactly, exactly, Ciggy.
So get back to your Claire's boutique shopping, okay?
Because you have forgotten reality.
Yeah, and she hangs up really fast.
She's like, well, have fun.
Click.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm on it's pallets.
So then, so now Dolores goes to the restaurant where she meets up with Marge.
Marge is sitting there drinking iced tea out of what looks to be a fish bowl on a pedestal.
It was the largest iced tea we've ever seen in a housewives' history.
And they're like, oh, well, you know, you don't drink either. Okay, well, we'll both be lucid. You know what lucidity means? Okay,
I just wanted to check out, you know, it didn't seem that smart. Okay, just classic match.
Lucidity, yang, yang, which one you want to be? Yang, yang, okay, I'll get hot tea.
Do you feel threatened by the fact that I dress like Sergeant Pepper today? Okay, no, okay, good.
written by the fact that I dress like Sergeant Pepper today. Okay. No. Okay. Good. So Marge will not be ruffled. Okay. I don't know why you guys know she's wearing this yet.
Yeah. She will wear ruffles. Yeah. She's wearing every every psychological issue that she said. She will wear.
Okay. The big tails were probably a terrible time in life. And so where them probably the ruffles are from a rough patch in high school when she ate a bag of ruffles every day.
I love them with potato chips. The great texture.
Oh my God.
Everyone come in here, Pasi, get in here.
Ruffles actually have ridges.
This is the kind of advertising we need to go for with our shoes, which have to be
here by summer. Okay. Okay. Go run scary. Do it. You know what
we're going to do? You know, okay, Posse. Okay, Posse, I got a
very good idea. Okay. You know, we're going to take, we're
going to bring back the Ruffle collar. You know, like the ones
that would like a big old circle. It was like, you know, it's
like a party stream around your neck. We'll bring it back
for the Macbeth collections. Be very be very exciting. Okay, classic match, classic
numbers, ruffles on the run the neck. The clown is back. I see it everywhere. Heggie
from OC this week. It's back. Except it people. All right, start off this convo, will
you? So the low basically, like, well, I'm glad you I'm glad you came you sat down here with me because I well
I feel like we got out wrong fluid
I want to know what I did wrong to you because you know
I think you're very you seem like a very good girl and so it's Laura's like well
I tell you what you did what you did wrong you called Siggie soggy, well, okay, but Dolores
It was kind of a funny statement. Okay, you get to admit like that was fun
I mean I I changed soggy I changed the eye with an oh made a whole different word
But yeah, it's still so similar the same. I mean, it's hilarious, it's classic match.
And Dolores will not budge.
She's like, nope, that's my friend.
Nope, I'm 100% behind her.
But she flattened my tires.
Like, like she took a knife and flattened my tires.
I don't care, she, you deserve that.
But then she went down, she went down
and like literally burned down a North-Vinage.
Deserved it. You know what, there's too many kids on this planet anyway, okay? But then she went down she went down and like literally burned down in North and it does are dead
You know, I did too many kids on this planet anyway, okay? She was doing I'm doing all of us a favor, okay?
So then she's like, so here he has here's some advice for you
Okay, when you're near to a group and the group's fighting have you don't make a joke, okay?
Don't make a joke. She's like well, you know it. He has a different perspective on it
You know when things are tense a joke and sort of lift the spirits a little bit.
Okay, that's why I love him, Joan Rivers.
Okay, and I'm a little bit more of a Joan Rivers
than you would to lower such a thing.
Jon Hale, huh?
Who's this, Joan?
And why does she never invite me to a goddamn party?
I hear about these parties all the time.
Fuck her too while we're at it.
Is she related to Franklin Lakes?
I heard Joan Rivers and Franklin Lakes were on a date.
I had to take and Franklin Lakes were on a date.
I had to take care of the kids.
So Margaret's like, well, you know, you make a joke.
Look, this is why people make jokes because it makes light.
I mean, Joan is still making jokes.
And, you know, her grapes don't lights up every night.
People don't get it.
It's like lit up, you know, that's so Joan.
And Dolores is like, but you were mocking, huh? Okay.
That wasn't making like you were mocking her and Margaret goes, yeah, but you got to say
her behavior is not rational. Okay. And she goes, I disagree. You know, I think it's
very rational. She's animated. She's animated. No, she's over the top. No, she's animated.
She's animated. I stand by it. I see no fault in her behavior at all.
All I see is good. All I see is good and memories of boo and some figurines from the hallmark shop.
Do you want to get some figurines from the hallmark shop? I feel like they're going to run out.
You know, sometimes I see my old counters in my mind-tie and I get mad all again and then I try to
burn my house down. Thank God Frank's back again, you know. And I don't care what any you bitches
think because he puts out the fire every time. That's what I'm saying. She's like, wait a minute, to try to burn my house down. Thank God Frank's back again, you know? And I don't care what any of you bitches think
because he put out the fire every time.
That's what I'm saying.
She's like, wait a minute, wait a minute.
So she's taken therapy for it.
And she goes, yeah, she's taken therapy, okay?
And you're not gonna hear it from me.
And she's like, so with the pizza place, you don't think.
And she's like, no, perfect, perfection.
And she goes, but we made up a dinner.
And she was fine. And then we went to
the pizza place and she became unhinged. And then we see Sige doing her kicks and all that stuff
that she was doing. And he's talking about my cabinets. Okay, because I just got them redone.
If that's a dick at my cabinets, well, guess what Margaret, I'm out of here right now.
Dolores is like, look, I know a stupid person wouldn't have a card for the library, but I do.
Actually, my husband jumped us or a Frank does. So here you go, I got no fault in our stars.
Read it and tweet because there are no faults in our stars. Marcus, that girl dies at the end.
Like, what the hell? Like, this is not a good story. Spoiler alert. Yeah, seriously. I thought it was the guy who is supposed to die.
Everybody dies. Well, so anyway, Mark was like, you know what? I actually, I actually
was defending you when I was talking to the girls. You know, I was, because guess what,
I have an unconventional relationship too. Okay, I have Jan. He wants an espresso machine.
I know, well, I want to give him an espresso machine.
He won't take an espresso machine.
I'm like, I'll make you a coffee.
Just a press button.
It's called a cheer rig.
He says, I don't like German things.
I said, then, you know what?
You better stop with that hot dog.
You always have a new face.
He says, you'd make a gay comment.
I said, no, you love hot dogs.
You always love sausage and schnitzel.
He says, you know what, though, save me.
It's the same with the grief and make me a espresso. I'm sorry everyone. I got lost in my
story. No, but that's so her relationship. She's like, that's me, you know,
like when Jack comes over, he doesn't understand espresso. And you know, when I
when I met him, I was younger, I was 24. Like, what did I know? I haven't four
kids, but I had four kids. And Dolores goes, whoa, that's a tough nut when you're 24.
So she's learning how to get to her, you know?
Because Dolores is told, you have to understand,
like when Frank did what he did,
I wanted to pretend everything was okay.
So even though he wasn't here,
he would be home for dinner,
and then he'd pat the kids on the head
and then go fuck some hookah.
But you know, it was important for me for the kids to have two parents.
And Marters like, yeah, I know what you mean, because I was a stepmom to all these kids
and then when it ended with us, now they never talk to me again.
And I love being a stepmom, and I've lost my children.
And now she's got the erase story, which I mean, that's difficult in Orange County.
But to erase a child in, or a family member in New Jersey, where it's all about family,
that's huge.
Yeah, exactly.
So that's often Dolores quite a bit hearing that story, especially, and Margaret starts
to understand Dolores more because Dolores basically said that when they divorced that like,
she didn't
get invited to all the couple things and she basically became the town babysitter
and she spent like 20 years babysitting kids and now that she finally has a friend
in SIGGI that like now like she's just so excited to have a loyal friend
and like a like a bestie it's like her first bestie almost so so now Margaret
understands her and so it's like they's just yell so much at each other
Those three would be great friends. I
Think Sige Margaret and Dolores
Perfect. I think they would be with Melissa and
Melissa and Teresa trying to break everybody up for their own stupid fights
But they they're too smart to fall for it. I'm liking it.
So then we go over to back to Puerto Rico,
Puerto Rico, where Melania, of course, is being crazy.
She's eating fries with tree, and she just takes her fry.
Her cheese fry just pokes it in trees facing,
gets cheese on her nose.
And Teresa's response oddly enough is,
you do that with cake, not with cheese.
I'm like, you don't do that with anything
Your child does not put food on your nose
She's like could you put that in the reunion clip please
Put it in the reunion clip mark that one please
So they're talking again about no non missing no nana and Milan is like I know how it is missing your mother
You were gone and I missed you
It's like bomb bomb bomb and Teresa's like yeah know how it is missing your mother, you were gone and I missed you.
It's like, want,
boom,
and Teresa's like, yeah, but that's why about us all matching outfits.
They take 5,000 pictures in the sun instead of going swimming.
Cause this whole trip has been guys, but not some sunscreen.
No, mom.
Now you need more.
I come here.
No, mom.
Get over here.
Fuck you, mom.
I'm going to say that word.
Maybe I'm gonna
do one of Margarita. Like seriously. You want? Let's take some more pictures. Hey, it's
a new photographer. Let's take one solo each. All right. Let me fix your hair. Oh my
God. Leave us alone. To be fair, I feel like that's the way most American like trips are.
I think that's what I think that's what defines a family vacation some harried mother
Trying to put some tan lotion on our kids. It gets me like
Pretty much. Yeah, she's like see. This is what it's like without Joe
Yeah, like right like Joe would have been PA'ing for you in the back there
Like hey, you want me to fix you make up there before you go on up the head. So what who cares? Yeah, that's what family trips
This is about.
Lots of pictures. So speaking of mother, daughter relationships,
we then go to Melissa up in Jersey, bringing Antonia to her
favorite store, which is something like kids wear clothes too,
or something like that. So they're like looking around at
stuff. And she's like, wow, like, I can't believe it. You got
so much bigger, Antonia. I don't know what's happening to
you. So big. She's, Antonia. I don't know what's happening to you. You're so big.
It's just, I'm getting older.
That's what's happening, mom.
So embarrassing.
So the store is called Kids at Heart,
which is so funny to me, because these women
all still wear like size kids to's you know.
You know, it was posh buty. You know, it was like, yes, it was Melissa walked in like a thing
like unfurled and was like posh. Like Kim Kim Dees sitting there like an organ grinder
being like, hey, hey, I tricked them. Don't look like a spine. Yeah.
No, bitches. Jack eats in their two to and get away card, just like you run in and grab every
short, short, say, see?
So yeah, it's, she's like, I'm getting older, idiot.
And she's like, oh, yeah, well, maybe you could talk to me about it because like, you
know, like, here's things you can talk to me about.
Like if you're at school and someone is cute and you have a crush, do you still call it that?
A crush?
And she's like, yes, mom.
That's what we used to call it.
What do you call doors now?
What do you call doors?
Yes.
What do you call sandwiches now?
Obviously, we call doors coyotes.
What?
That's more of a rhetorical question. Yeah, mom. I call it.
Yes. Back in the day, we used to ask for ham sandwich. It's like, we still have those mom.
Idiot. Do they have flying cars where you're from Antonia? No, mom. We live in the same existence.
Oh, that also a little Justin Carson. Antonia gets it. He's kind of doing a SIGGI story, except Josh did try.
You know, like he was just looking at his cell phone, but he was answering.
He was like, yeah, no, why? What did I do?
But this kid's just like, I hate you, buy me something cute.
Yeah, and she says, I don't talk to you because you guys are too strict.
Because they're strictness. Yeah, because of strictness.
And Melissa's like, look, I have one daughter, which is the new word for
daughter on this show. She's like, look, I have one daughter. And it's very important that
I shoot a scene with her every year. So you guys remember, you know, now why is it that
you won't talk to me? And she's like, because daddy's scary. She goes, well, that's old school Italian,
you know, bars on windows. Every woman's a slut and owes him at least one fresh pizza
a day, etc. etc. You know how it goes.
Mom, we get a ham sandwich, what's you call it, ham sandwich. So we then speaking of, so this is
like a study and contrast. So Melissa, I mean, Antonio is not talking to her parents because
they're too strict. And then down in Puerto Rico, Teresa is not strict enough because she
tried to do the photo shoot and the kids do not want to do it. You know, obviously, the
kids are obviously acting out because their parents have, they're going through a lot of
shift for sure. But Melania is like, I'm only taking two more photos and that's it.
I'm like, wow, Milania doesn't want attention from a photographer.
Then you know the things have gotten really bad down there.
Well, it's like hanging out with a lean, my friend a lean, wants a million pictures.
You can't just take one or two.
She's like, then let's fix my hair.
Let's look at the monitor again and then I'll do it again at this angle. And it gets to the point where everybody sees her coming and we're like, then let's fix my hair. Let's look at the monitor again, and then I'll do it again at this angle.
And it gets to the point where everybody sees her coming
and we're like, no!
Yeah, and Teresa hired somebody.
You know she's got those kids out there for two hours.
But this again, it's like, you know,
who doesn't have a mother who wants to take a million photos?
My mom did it all the time, like mom.
And she's like, and then Teresa Teresa trying to take photos with every single kid
And she is like mom, she's like just relax. Yeah, she's like, you know what?
Of all the kids here. I'm the most relaxed so like
Stop it mom like honestly. I'm the mother mother
You're the bitchiest, but that doesn't always make you win. Okay
And Gabrielle doesn't even want one. She's like I am trying so hard to blend in with the walls right now
I just cannot wait till I turn 18 I can get off this show. She's like I joined Jim class for you
Yeah, so let's see over and
I like also by the way as the kids are like oh
Mom, oh stop arguing mom. I don't want another photo. I know that at one point. No, no, just goes
I wrote eight us as well. Yeah, it's like she's like she's like three years ago
They love taking pictures with me and then we see a montage and one of the kids is in the middle of the street posing
Yeah, I actually feel bad.
Totally safe.
What?
Totally safe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel bad.
I feel bad actually for Adriana because she's at that age where she wants to be a ham for
the camera and she would be a ham for the camera.
You know, there's so much so much footage of her being like, tada, but you know that like
since the other the big kids are being like, oh mom.
She's like, and mom. and I kind of felt bad for Teresa
because she knew that like,
if it happened for the older kids,
Adriana totally would have been putting on a show.
Yeah, when Adriana sits on sushi in a grocery store,
she'll have her chance, okay?
Yeah.
Until then, Miss Melania has that seat.
Yeah, so yeah, Teresa's like,
I don't realize what you're doing.
Teresa's doing this, they're all all the same outfits. They all look
really pretty in a suppruchy and she's like, we're doing this Vagel because we're going to send it
into him at camps and he's going to be able to like look through the books of our pictures.
And I was like, I hope that he has like a locker because I don't know you want to be sending
a picture book of gorgeous women of all ages into a prison.
Like, it sounds like a bad idea to me.
So then I watch went where?
So then we then go back up to New Jersey where, excuse me, burp, burp, Joe Gorgha takes
his daughter Antonia to a trampoline park, which of course, because that's memories of Alexis Blino.
I wonder if she's somewhere in Orange County bouncing.
She probably is.
I don't think she can't.
She's like, you guys thought I was stupid.
And look at all these trampoline parks.
So they're all like, you know, so Joe and Antonia
are like tumbling and stuff like that.
And Joe falls over and she's like oh my god dad
It's like he does pretty well. Yeah, it's a trampoline park. You're supposed to fall over
Um, she does really know. She's a class and step. That's like when I visit Texas and my niece
It's like look uncle look what I could do
Flip flip flip back flip back flip you do it now. I'm like no honey. That's not how it works.
All those hours you spend, that's called practicing. And I could tie a cherry knot. I could tie a cherry
stem into a knot. And turn your bedder look out because if she gives too much attitude to her dad,
you know, and those bouncy trampolines, he's gonna make her get a merry-lew wett in the haircut.
Oh, hey, I'll know.
Which would be kind of cute, actually.
Yeah, I like that, kid.
And it seems like he doesn't spend any time with her
because he's like, Melissa said that she doesn't like
think that I like spend time with her.
So we came to this place where you jump a lot.
And then they jump and she's like, so hi.
Yeah, like have nothing to say to each other.
And he's like, well, your mom says you're terrified of me and she's like, yeah
Why because I'm scared oh
Okay, well, I'll be a little less strict. Well, what does that mean? Well, he basically is like you since because you don't tell me anything
I don't know what's going on
So I have to be strict with you
But if you if I will trust you if you let me know what you're doing and then I'll you know
Then if I have that level of trust then you can do what you want, you know
Which I kind of get and to be honest, you know
I actually do like the you scenes of Joe more than when he's like how do you make a pancake?
You know because here you know
You see like the sweet fatherly side of him and he actually really is so good with kids. Like I compare the way I am with kids and I'm
like, oh, excuse me, I always say I'm the Jamie Gertz, I'm the Jamie Gertz character
from Twister with kids, whereas he is like, he's so good with kids. Except for when he
likes, you know, you know, except when he breathes chauvinism in them, but other than that.
Yeah, well, you know, those are long reats
that need to be cut down, long reats, Ben.
Yeah, it can't change the world.
So Mazwa, go to a trampoline park.
Baby's dead, baby jumps.
So then next we go to Dolores, Sigi, Michael, and Frank
at dinner, Michael Campanello.
So, you know, I don't have any issues with Dolores' arrangement,
but I do think it's strange that her couples' nights
are with Frank and not the other guy.
She is basically with Frank.
Don't you think?
Well, I mean, I'm with Frank, I'm with the cabinets,
I'm with Maz, I'm with the ghost of I'm with Maz, I'm with the Ghost of
Boots.
Frank is going to college.
Maybe he is, maybe he's not.
I don't know, he's embarrassed.
He can't even hold a fort for crying out loud.
I don't know, I like going on these days.
I'll have a replacement.
For a place that is so backwards, or it's like the last to get the note on what's politically
correct and not, I think that she's really legit living a poly relationship where she's
like, I like Frank, he lives here, he's the dad with friends, sometimes we do it, sometimes we don't.
And then I date whoever, while he dates whoever, whatever, home base, home base.
Home base, home base.
So, uh, Segi orders a mojito with no sugar, which seems like craziness to me.
How do you order a mojito with no sugar, Ciggy? How, how, how?
What are you doing to yourself?
I just wanted to make someone muddle. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hey, we're too much sugar. So yeah, they're having this day,
and Sige has got her a groove back
because she's all over Michael Campanella.
Yeah, Dolores, by the way, orders for Frank.
She's like, I'm gonna order for Frank.
He likes him when I order for him, for both of us.
That's all I always do.
I always order for Frank, but we're not together.
I'm like, hmm, we'll have the C-plata for two, okay.
She ordered, oh my God. And Sige's like, you like my shirt, we'll have to see platter for two. Okay. She ordered my God. Yeah. And sick. He's like, you're like my shirt, you want it,
but you can take it because I can't wear it more than what's on
like Joan. I'm more than Joan. And I'm feeling more sexual.
Can we talk? And Frank's like, whoa, those pellets, huh? They
even made Michael Campanella look better.
I love straight guys.
Michael Campanella is like, hi, I'm Michael Campanella.
So then Dolores starts talking about her conversation with Margaret.
And you know, she's like, you know, it's interesting.
She's got, it's funny, she can get some emotions.
I mean, she was getting really emotional.
And she was really feeling, she's really compassionate.
She's crying about her kids. It's from vulnerable place and turns out she just got new cat
And it's also so I was like, whoa, what about countertop? She got new countertop. She's putting confetti on her floor
I was like this woman's got a lot of layers
The sickies like I don't know about these countertops should I get these countertops now? Now everyone's gonna turn it against me
Yeah, but sickie's still like a little reticent about this, because she's like, so it's
funny, she can get emotional because of the choice that she made, but she doesn't like
it when I cry, she doesn't franken Michael, she doesn't like my crying, who doesn't like
my crying, I love my crying!
And you know in her mind it really is the same like crying over losing children that will never speak to you again
Because you fell in love with somebody else
Or you know being mad about a cake being thrown
It's like it's totally the same you guys totally the same when I drive over a trash candle
I don't have Joshua they have to pass judge mommy. It's terrible. It's the same as being erased
to pass judgment on me. It's terrible. It's the same as being a race.
But it does work because if you can legit cry in front of each other, people are like, Oh, she has pain. Okay. Well, let's try it.
I'm just saying my vote is that we try it again. And say he's like, okay,
I undestand love for a child. And I trust to Laura's and if it's worth it
Chance and I'll give it a chance. Okay. Now it's time to move on to fucking Michael camp and
And then they get nasty in front of everybody and we're all like gross. I love you Michael
I love you come on do me in the mouth. Do me in the mouth right now with your mouth
It's like that's called kissing do me in the mouth
Help me with your tongue right on my cheek and Frank's like hey, yeah, you guys watch the hotel room, huh?
Classic Frank
You were a horrible person by making fun of me
This show wow even a show we're not much happens. I loved it. Yeah
This show, wow, even a show were not much happens, I loved it. And then, as the episode came to an end, we go back to Puerto Rico, where Trey and Nono were sitting on the beach.
And Nono was like, your kids, they're spoiled, they're very spoiled.
You have to learn not to say, no!
And Trey was just like, yeah, I feel bad, because like, there was a time when he would look at us, You have to learn now to say no.
Intrace is like, yeah, I feel bad because like there was a time when he would look at us and I would pee my pants because I was scared, you know, but like I want to balance.
Like I don't want them to like pee their pants, but I want them to go to gym too.
So like, uh, blink, blink, blink, blink.
So then they start talking, ooh, does something just drop? Yeah
Uh-oh. It's falling apart over there. The knife just dropped. Oh no
Support No-no they're reminiscing and No-no is always crying and he misses. He's like I miss her so much
He misses his wife and it's so sweet and so sad and
Poor No-no. He's like maybe she watches us and
It was a sad moment. I feel bad for that guy you know she's like yeah maybe she watches us huh did you
see our name and lights huh Joe was on a ladder it's my favorite Disney movie, Alada. Alada.
Mom, you stupid.
I'm doing good, right that.
Oh!
So, yeah, I sort of ended on a sad note.
It was kind of a filler episode.
It was a character development episode because we got to see how they all interact with.
It's like different sides of parenting.
So that was basically it. Next week
hopefully we get back to the fighting. It looks like there may be some some some bickering happening
at at Seaguse overnight retreat. But we'll just have to wait until then to know for sure.
That's for us. Well I mean you have some fun week everybody. Thank you so much for being with us.
We will see you tomorrow for below deck but but in reality next week. Yeah, we have some fun next
a show.
Everyone. Hi everyone.
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