Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: New Season, Who Dis(barred)?

Episode Date: November 8, 2018

The Real Housewives of New Jersey is back, and the big news this time around is that Dolores is alone, Teresa is training for a fitness competition, Marge wants a new face, and Melissa is turning 39. Plus, Danielle's getting married (lol), and Frank got disbarred. Sounds like a great way to start a season! Come check out our recap. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I have crap I have crap I have crap I have been running for so much What crap is Watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much What crap is

Who cares what crap What makes all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me as usual is my lovely lovely lovely co-host Mr. Ronnie Caram who can also be found on the Rose pricks bachelor roast Podcast what's going on Ronnie? Well, hello there Well are you so thrilled that the that New Jersey is back on the Broadway? Hey you out you, just a warning. Everyone on the show is Italian.

I don't know if anybody knows that. The people on the Real House of New Jersey are Italian, tell your friends. I had one. So the thing is this, though, like it's sort of like an unwritten rule that like an Italian culture, you don't talk about being Italian

unless you're with Italians and you talk about being Italian unless you're with Italians and you talk about being Italian what with other people then you talk about being Italian just an unwritten rule for wanting. Italian Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Italian Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Italian Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Italian Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Italian Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Italian Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine

Italian Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Italian Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Italian Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Okay. So anyway, we are here to talk about Real Housewives of New Jersey. If you're thinking to yourself, but wait a second, I tuned in to listen to the Real Housewives of Dallas recap. Don't you worry, it's gonna be up on Friday or maybe Saturday because we are doing it live in Seattle. There are still some tickets available. Go to watchocrapins.com to get those.

It's the last show that we have that has tickets available. All our other shows have sold out for the next few months. So Nashville, Charleston, all that fun stuff. So you guys go get your tickets. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So watchcraftens.com come see us on Friday. It's gonna be amazing. It's like over 400 tickets. I mean, we're almost sold out, but if you're on the fence Go Top off that fans will you don't worry if you're coming solo. We can we can't stress it enough We mentioned it a lot, but you'll make friends. We promise you can do it

so go do that and while you're there by and take it be sure to peruse the lovely offerings in our merchandise area. It's on the WatcherCrapins.com website. Or go to crappinsmerch.com. And there are some amazing holiday options there. There's a Christmas option, there's a Hanukkah option, there's leggings, it's super super awesome. I know I'm going to be wearing mine throughout pretty much all of December and maybe a little bit into January because why not so do that Exactly why not that is the question why not why not okay? All right, so New Jersey it's back. We don't have taglines just yet or even if they've been released We we like to we like to go over them when they come out

And we literally don't care. Or we don't care. It depends. Yeah, take it. Do you take it and you want two people? Yeah. So it opens up. They kind of like do this thing. It's not like a trailer, but it's kind of like a...

Here's something to look forward to. Melissa and Teresa are going to get annoyed at each other again this season. Yeah, they're trying to drum up a lot of drama at the very beginning, a lot of the chrysaning, where they were throwing babies across the room and be getting up old people or whatever the hell was happening that season. And then they were like three months earlier. So that's what we have in this one as well,

except there's not really that much drama. So it's like, it's Melissa telling a story about how Teresa's amateur. Yeah, exactly. It's like, we used to be like, you know, it's Melissa telling a story about how Teresa's Maviter. Yeah, exactly. It's like, we used to be like, we used to like, but had a lot. And then we see flashbacks to some of the most like famous fights and brawls and New Jersey history. It's sort of like their way of saying, Hey, don't worry.

Like, there's, there's fighting. Look, it's fun. And then, um, basically, you know, some just, just things we all say at Christmas to each other, you know, me and mass, stick your blood. Oh, no stickin with gum like you Like feeding each other up at spas You know blowing up christening's et cetera, et cetera. Yeah, don't think people's heads into bowls of pasta You know the usual stuff. Yeah, so yeah Basically, I just culminates with Melissa doing that thing where she looks at the ceiling and is like

You know, it's like oh that's yours and Melissa go or go But I have so many jobs That's the other theme of the episode everyone except Dolores is like oh my god I'm so busy. It's all I do is work work work. Oh my god. I'm so busy. Jellis like crazy with some busy here It's nuts. They're all acting like they're on the Fortune 500 I mean it's like ridiculous It's like the other day I had to find some Dan and yoga. They didn't have it the store So I had to go into three different stores just to find the Dan and yoga. I mean my life is hot

It's hot I'm bringing in the cake not the crumbs And then the good old fast and misogyny which I I've really missed, you know, the world is changing so fast around New Jersey. Yeah, but you know, none of this is really hit New Jersey yet. I don't know that it never will because every scene is like, you know, is my husband gonna let me do it. I know. Like your husband's in jail. They're all like that. How about you stop asking the imprisoned soon to be deported way, okay? They're all like hashtag me also Not quite so They're like hashtag me to want to serve you some pasta because you're the man of the house hashtag me too honey

You guys kind of didn't get it right so So now we have like three months earlier from that time that Melissa Gorgher cried. And I know all of you people watching are concerned about what led to Melissa Gorgher to cry a little bit. So it's like three months earlier. The bacon. Yeah, it's bacon. It's like, where's the bacon? Where's the bacon? Yeah, three months earlier to Reese had a bacon catastrophe to set this whole season on fire. So it's free of cooking for no no. It's like, ah! It's like, ah, we got bacon.

Oh my god. If I start to bake, no you watch it, Dad's bleak, bleak. And then she hears the sound of Gia coming down this day. I can't see. Oh no. I hear Gia. Oh no. And she's like, how can you like apple slices really quickly?

But like one at a time, like she could just take a handful and just shove them in the bag But she's like, oh no if you see me as good be hell to pay. Oh, no, Mr. Mishnik Mr. Mishnik and then basically I like some geolikes and put in there separately. She likes three finger prints on each apple slice And she is coming she is coming Just imagine geol coming down the stairs with the sack of oranges and just like slamming them into her mother I said I want them my apples ready at 7.32 not 7.33 So it's the map of slice that her head and just leaves yeah

So then tree does what you said she's like I don't know what happened, but my life has become more more and more busiest I know you know It's so amazing like when you look at the budget because you know it was voting time and so everybody's like America educate you know what are we spending this budget on oh yeah we're in education sounds great yeah where's the education money going okay how is everything coming around New Jersey like do they have a budget for anything over there because Teresa Teresa is still saying things like more and more busiers yeah she's she's like, you know, my life is, it's like, I've got so much going on.

I just got a new DVR and I can record two things at once. So like, my life is so busy now, two shows. And then, Nona's like, I got the bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, oh! I like that they're doing sort of like off-brand, you know, slow guns for things. We has to bacon. Time to make the croissants. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Got milks this is I like that she does as a double plurals so So yeah, so anyways, so she's like I'm doing it all I'm taking care of my kids, and I'm doing it all I'm like

Oh, like it's been about four years of writing this whole storyline of hey tree. She's just a mom. I wish Hey, she's not an octopus if she wishes she will want because you could have a hand on everyone because there's so much to do, you know Well, it is sunshine. I do your hair and the kids she does Melania's Melania is coming in she goes morning Melania. Melania's like mom shut up. My alarm didn't go off. It's probably because she like tried to set her like, I don't know basketball. She's like, she just pressed basketball like five times. They're index finger. Okay.

Alarm is set. Melania is definitely becoming a teenager. Mike's just got green hair and nails. I'm just like, I'm happy Melania's with. Mel she's got green hair and nails. I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm having Melania's with Melania came out saying, fuck you. Like that was our word was like, fuck you. Now, you've been letting Melania be Melania for a long time. Okay. Some of us still remember her sitting her ass in this salad at the supermarket. Yeah. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if some of these kids grow, grow

up. You see the shows ruined. You're up with violent tendencies because Teresa has what do you call those things? You pull the pin out of them. Oh, a grenade. She has like a diamond, a black diamond grenade thing on her kitchen counter. Did you see that? Is that a grenade on your kitchen counter? I thought you were gonna say that's like what the sun damage has done to her forehead. Renate texture. So also Nono's back. We're on a tear. So Nono is mad, by the way.

Nono is mad because Joe Gorka hasn't called the house in two weeks. Now here's the thing. Nono, like last year, it was like, oh my god, Nono is so sweet. He loves his wife. Oh my god. Look at this lovely old man But like we also can't forget that this is the guy who was basically calling his son like a little pussy at that christening Okay, this guy is like the ultimate shitster

Okay, he's the he's worse than Danielle on this show. He is the one who causes all the problems Yeah, he always has the one who if it were like a, there would be like a not even a black and white flashback It would be like a needy blue and white flashback of like no, no like For rating someone and now that person has grown up and is sad and is like played by Tim Robbins Tim Robbins playing Joe Gorgas But you never loved me father. You never loved me properly. I bring in the cake you bring in the crumbs thank you so then we got over to uh chateau marge where she's waking up with her Joe in bed. Okay, Jeff has had my lashes, had it like, they look good. And she has like a full on like, it's not even mascara that she's put on.

It's like she's taken like two ink jars and emptied them on her eyeballs. She's wearing too many like black guinea pigs on her eyes. I mean, those things are humongous. Those are real how close a Dalit style. I mean, they are big. They are, they are, it's almost like she took two hockey pucks and like put them on her eyes like cucumbers. And she's very into labeling. That's like her new thing this year is like labeling things. Like, me, me, Joe, look, my name says, my, I like to say

my, Joe's for, it says, Joe, and then's like, on a pillow, this says, the mister, and then I'm like, on a pillow, this is the Mrs. and the best of like, it says, Blake, this is crazy, Joe. This is, that's how we're living for now. Yeah, it's somehow it's still better than Gina putting up a thing on the Kitchie counter that says Kitchie counter.

For some reason, with Marge at works, but I just love the idea that we're supposed to believe that she just woke up like that, with just a paintbrush application of mascara. So she's like, so what do you want? You want to get some coffee, Joe? And he's like, yeah, I want some coffee, so yeah, Joe. Joe always think that coffee is like code for sex.

No, coffee is coffee, okay. And when I say cream on top, I don't mean cream on top. Know what I'm saying? Classic match, classic match. Joe would have top, I don't mean cream on top. Know what I'm saying? Class of merch. Class of merch. Don't look at it like that one. Last time I asked for coffee from Joe, I got my eyelashes stuck to my face for like a week. Disgusting, Joe. Seriously, it's disgusting. Like literally disgusting. You know, I was just disgusting by business because it's exploding. It's exploding more like Joe, but a coffee, okay.

My ballroom is still decorating from my 50th birthday party. It's disgusting. Like I'm disgustingly more like Joe, but a coffee, okay? My ballroom is still tagulating from my 50th birthday party. It's disgusting, I'm disgustingly biffy. It's disgusting, it's like, what is this ridiculous? It's just like, it's disgusting. It's like, I'm just exploding with disgust right now. It's just like Joe shooting his wad of disgusting cream on my stomach and my cream. I mean, like actual cream, I could get your mind

out of the gutter for once, like seriously. The gutter hasn't even been renovated yet. Thanks Joe, thanks. Yeah, thanks Joe. Look Joe, look what are you gonna do today? He's like, why are you gotta worry about it? Huh? And she's like, Joe, because look where we're living right now.

We're like, we're living in the closet right now. There's racks of clothes in here, Joe. It's disgusting. You gotta work on it, Joe. Okay, oh, by the way, if you're gonna do a motorcycle, guess what I got. I didn't face Joe, because my face is starting to show it's a, just look at that. The choppy cheeks, trapeziaks the done so okay the done so with children. Yeah, okay

They're heading south. I'm like a compass like you could turn me upside down my cheeks are still gonna go south It doesn't matter like like true north. How about you south those are my cheeks I smell job. He's like you do kind of smells like let's take a shower together on camera That that's gonna pull people back into Jersey Yeah, cream on me in the shower. I mean, literally, I want some Mr. Coffee. No, and you are not Mr. Coffee. Mr. Coffee's an actual brand show.

I mean, come on. I still have for creativity, literally, poured coffee on me in the shower. Like, we just can't quite get our sex talk, right? So, so then now we go to Dolores doing the most Dolores thing ever, which is FaceTimeing Frank and standing by a window like hi I need help. It's fucking broken Frank. I mean watch look like I need new windows look It doesn't even open look I press it doesn't open like what is this is a window to the door like honestly

It could be a wall at this point. Okay, it's a see through wall. I need a window. Okay Frank Speaking of holes and walls there's a hole in the wall Frank like there's a hole in the wall seriously Look, there was like a little thing can I press it and then there's a hole and he's like I'm gonna rate everything What is it exactly look I'm pushing it again and the wall just starts grumbling and do you guys stop hiring the gorgas to do homework for you, okay? I know It was literally like it was honestly like made of like rice like they took rice and made a paste out of it and then it took a hair dryer and like dried it into the wall and chose like it's

mopble it's mopble thank yeah yeah it's mopble it's perfect well so so we learned that while Delores is poking her finger through walls the the hand of the legal system was poking its finger into Frank's career, if you will accept that metaphor, thank you. So basically... Okay, yes, I take it with the gay goal. Yeah. Shocking news, Frank was disbarred. It was always weird that he was a lawyer in the first place. Like, I barely even believed he was a lawyer, you know? I might wish harder believing that Frank got barred in the first place. Like I barely even believed he was a lawyer, you know? But it was harder believing that Frank got barred in the first place, you know? Yeah.

And you know that like all his like posters on the bus stops, you know those all like have half peeled off anyway, because like whatever worstmanship you put into the wall clearly went into the glue. He's like, yeah, the lawyer's just walks around poking your finger through every one of them when she gets mad Which is like look there's a whole in the bus. There's a whole on the bus stop with Frank's picture with

Yeah, the new the New Jersey Bar Association is like all right, Mr. Frank, Katania So you have misappropriated some funds, but the real reason why we're disbaring you is that you weren't able to properly glue your ads onto the bus shelters and the New Jersey That is a criminal offense. It was just have to stick on properly. This is the reputation of New Jersey on the line. So you were at the spot. She keeps it really consistent because she really loves San Comingold. You know, I mean, first of all, it's like we're divorced, but we're comingling, okay?

Because that's just it. We've been friends forever. Maybe I don't trust him for 20 years, but it doesn't mean I don't trust him to do the dishes. Our dishes are the women for joining us. No, then he can do them. Okay, and that's the same thing here. He called mingled funds. No one wants money.

No, nothing was stolen, but it was enough of him to get this barred. I was like, come mingling funds is literally stealing funds. Yeah, I don't know what definition you're, that's like a Teresa dictionary you're looking at. I'm okay, because that is stealing money. Yeah Dolores, tell us how happy you'll be when you find out that the lawyer you hired has taken money out of your trust. Okay, and I like that she is very literal about the word trust. She's like, well, I can't have trust

in Frank because he stole from someone's trust. So they're full. I like literally can't have trust. We know Mingling Frank, okay? But will you come home because I'm very lonely. Okay, Frank, I'm gonna call Frankie now because I like him better. He's my son. Hi, Frankie, how's school? And Frank is like, Hi, I still have mom.

Yeah. I'm trying to do this. Avalanche of vagina. This is fun and I've made since I've come to college with a full body full of muscles. Yeah, where are you, Frankie? So you know what I did the other day? Um, I went by the old field where you played football and I was like,

Frankie's to play football here and then I look and see them pick out the skinniest kid and be like, that was like Frankie and I just stare and stare and stare and sit on the bench. And then Kate Blanchett says next to me and I ask her about herself and then we become friends and I invite her over to dinner and then I'd have like a strange obsession with her like mom while you're talking about notes of a scandal again. Well I was going to use the plot from the kindergarten teacher but it's very depressing Frankie okay I don't want to depress you. Are you talking about kindergarten cop? Yes of course what other kindergarten teachers are talking about. It's not a tumor hilarious. Your father literally thought he was on bus stops when that movie came out. Your father had a crisis of conscious

when that movie came out because he thought she was missing work at the kindergarten class and you should have seen what happened when junior came out. Oh my god. He kept telling the doctor it's not a tumor and guess what? Surprise was on him because it was a tumor. I told it, but I could have told it that for the beginning. Hold on, I gotta text me your father. Oh, shit. This is very typical. No, the only divino is not your twin brother.

OK. Anyway, what were you saying? He's like, hmm, sorry. Can't see you. There's a vagina in front of the screen. She's like, OK, Frankie. Just come home. I'm so bored, Frankie. I'm so sad, Frankie. Now I did this whole kitchen. I'm sitting at this kitchen.

I'm talking to the couch. Please just go back Frankie. This house is killing me. It's the most eviscerating feeling I've felt in the long time. I'm eviscerated by being alone. Like even whatever ghost that were in that house are like, oh, let's go a different house. Like she can't even get haunted. That's where the holes in the wall come from. The ghosts are just like trying to burp it's the fuck out of there. There are like clowns that are like actually going

under her bed to get away. Ha ha ha ha ha. This is the match. I guess it's time for a commercial. Is something like that? I don't know. I don't need a commercial. I need a new living room. for a commercial. There's something like that. I don't know. No, I don't need a commercial. I need a new living room.

Okay, Joe. That's what I did. Okay. Classic match. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on. Someday's parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest

and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll

feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. So next up, Ben's favorite thing, we're over at Melissa's house now and her kid is running on the countertop. We've gone from sitting on the countertops to literally dancing around barefoot on the

countertop. I mean, it's a zoo over there. Let's be honest. Okay. Like, I feel like the, like, that whole family is just to be photographed for the cover of, like, World Wildlife Federation, whatever magazine WF, the real WF. Like, they, it is just like pandemonium. It is like, we built a zoo, I think, was, was based off of this family.

Yeah. So guess what you guys, Melissa is very tired. Okay, I guess who else is tired Joe They're very tired. They're also Italian. I mean, okay, she didn't know okay She's like I cook because I'm an Italian wife and that's what Italian wives do We cook we cook for our husbands, okay, and this is the last year my three It's bad. I'm gonna be 40 someday Yeah, it's like whatever and meanwhile it, it's like, Hey, here's an original storyline for Melissa. Hey, you know, I do all this work everywhere, but Joe doesn't help out with the kids at all. He just expects me to do all the work. Like, when Joe can start

helping out, I'm like, Lady, it's been five years of this. Okay, you're just, this is your marriage now. You've chosen this path. Just enjoy it. Yeah, you're lucky Joe's not bringing home the twink of malice. He finds that the truck stop at this point. path, just enjoy it. Yeah, you're lucky Joe's not bringing home the twink mouse. He finds that the truck stopped at this point. Just count your blessings. Yeah. So then we go over to a fitness center where Teresa shows up and we meet her trainer, Tara.

Tara! Hey, Tara. She talks like this, which is very typical. She's like, okay, here we are. You know, with 12 weeks out, but guess what, you can turn around and soon it's gonna be four weeks out and 12 minus four is eight.

And what did you ate? Nothing, I hope. I know I love how Tara like discovers how calendars work. She's like, when did this 12 weeks and next minute this four weeks? Like, wow, you're getting good at this. Wait until someone tells you what winter is.

You're gonna fucking lose your shit, okay? And then Tara is, like she's one of those people who works out so hard that her belly button has nowhere to land. It's like, it looks like a little fist coming out of her stomach. Yeah, it's great. It's great texture again, actually.

It's ongoing theme. Yeah, so basically Teresa is gonna be doing a bikini fitness competition, which we've already, we've seen it on social media, so we know where this is going, but she's doing it and she looks, I mean, she's jacked. I mean, she's more jacked than I will ever be. And, you know, it's definitely impressive. And I like that she's doing it because Joe always told her that she couldn't do it. And she's like, well, fuck it. He's in jail now. So I'm going to do it. I'm like, this feels weird, but like yay empowered Theresa. Yeah, I prefer an affair, but I mean, if you're going to do,

like, whatever, you know, for the swim instructor from last season, but okay, like, you know, I'm booked to. Yeah. Um, and Tara's like, yeah, you know, after the four weeks turns into seven days, that's one week. Then you're gonna have to wear a thong. Teresa's like, Blink, I have to long. My kids are gonna be like really? Wow. Teresa's story of I'm for the year. Yeah. Having to tell Gio, she's wearing a bomb. Don't go. So then we go, the Marge is now head over to the doctor, Marge Senior and Marge Junior, because Marge Senior wants to get some

vaginal and adjuvenation, and basically, you know, for Marge, for our Marge, the Marge, classic Marge, this, her mom's gonna be a guinea pig, because Joe won't let Marge get any work done. So she's just gonna let her mom get the work done and then she'll decide how she likes the results. And you get that's a pretty good idea.

I'm gonna get a support for J.J. Reddivision. Reddivision, you ready, mom? Mom, you want some coffee? All right, I'll get a stripper. I'm gonna make my mind to the side. Marge, see, there's like whoa, whoa, whoa, that's weird. Coffee, I'm gonna hear my daughter, okay? No, I'm talking about, it. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen.

My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen.

My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen.

My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's on the screen. My mic's that the face. I'm like, that's it. I mean, the bottom of the top. She's there to vibrate. She's there to vibrate. I'm gonna get my, literally get my big toe done first. Then I'm gonna get my two, my pinky toe and my middle toe

separated from each other. Because I look, you know, looking animal. And then I'll work on my cancels. I want like a real bottom to top redo. Listen, she's very inspired by Drake. Okay, start from the bottom now. We get it. Anyway, classic match.

Classic, classic Drake. It's basically a serious except channel over here. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So basically the doctor comes in. The doctor looks not unlike the new co-host of the Great British Bake Off. And which is mixed back on that front. So yeah, they...

Well, I thought that was weird when she made March Senior Open her legs and then started like criticizing her flon. That was a little odd. But was also slightly encouraging and warm at the same time and you're like, oh. Yeah, she's like, all you need to do for that crackle is work a bit harder.

So is the usual thing like you get a feel of vibration and then it's gonna be over, you know, and March is like, hi, hi there. You're wearing safety goggles. Am I going to get safety goggles? Matt, you want some safety goggles? I'm just like, what is going to happen? It's is like everything's gonna shoot out of your mother and you turn back into your faces like why do you guys Listen haven't you ever seen final destination? This is where like someone chokes on a cashew falls over hits the machine the laser starts going on

And they'll get their eyes burned down that walk out in the street and get run over I think classic classic mean, classic death. Classic death. Classic death. Classic death, getting cheated. Okay, listen, listen, if I were death, I'd just be like, hey, just shove my dough and just kill me. What do you have to do all this crazy stuff for the laser?

I mean, let's ridiculous. Do what you do with the dough and just offer it just in one second, just like that. That's how death really should work. You forget to do one ballroom properly. Someone barely missed getting an L on their foot now We're all being chased by the outcomes for a guy this easy This would happen. I decided not to go into Jersey to impact and then a bunch of logs for off a truck

And now I have to do with this being afraid of a laser and imagine a vaginal Rejuvenation place because death wants to get at me. I mean like I can't oh So the lady's like all right, man. Oh, you can't bring out your flound for another man for at least three days now. No sexy, we're actually crack of smackle. And she goes, how are you feeling? And Margisine just like, I'll let you know the three days. Yeah.

She did sort of do that. And she just sort of rolled off the table. And I, okay, you're facing on the floor. What's going on? So then we go to Frank and Dolores. They're driving someplace. I got really speaking of final destination. I got stressed because Frank's talking to Dolores and he's like, hey, so what's going

on there? Whatever they're talking about. And he's just doing that movie thing where you're not looking at the road. You're just looking at your passenger. I'm like, no, but this is a reality show. You're actually gonna crash. Don't do that, Frank. You're literally driving right now, sir.

And he's also doing that thing where he's like, he's like really like kind of like all a flutter. I don't know how to say it, but he's like, what's the worst? What are you asking me right now? Just because she's like, Frank, you know, here we are driving together. He's like, what, what are we me right now? Just because she's like, Frank, you know, here we are, driving together. It's like, what are we driving right now?

Seriously, Dolores? That what you just said. He's always like, I can wrap data. What, like when was this gonna happen? Okay, I need to eat right now. Okay, I'm stopping. Okay, like how far do we have to drive

before I get, get myself a snack? Okay, this is ridiculous. So, I want to do, eat Dolores. Okay. Oh my God, Frank and Shannon. Now that's a couple I could get behind. Well, his name is Frank and I do appreciate that his name is the exact sort of quality I wanted a man.

So anyway, so Deloitte. You know, Frank's a kind of guy who's running back to his ex-wife, which is a little bit different than I'm used to and I'm telling you it's a nice change. And I'm telling you it's a nice change. So the Laura's we learned that the way that the Laura's learned that Frank was this bar was because Andy Cohen after at the reunion, which is hilarious. Like that is a horrible way to find out life events. Like Andy Cohen and she's like, uh, no, he's still working. He's still a little boy. What are you talking about? And then she found out that, no, that was true.

Frank had been disbarred for combing going. Yeah. And the way they bring this up is he's like, we're gonna flip houses now to the worst. Like, that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna flip houses. She trust me, right? And she's like, uh, no, I don't trust you. And he's like, oh, I guess I gotta earn that trust back. So here we go with Frank. And she's like, he broke my trust 20 years ago when he cheated on me and we built it up, but it's gone again.

Because when he was just fine, he didn't tell me. He was like, oh my God, I'm about 20 years. I'm like, Frank, we just got through this storyline. You finally got the trust. It's like, it's not just press and reset button for you. It's for us too. And I like that she goes, you know what? Now that Frank is in the loya, we have to think about income.

And the gyms do great, but that's not stable. So we're going to flip houses. I was like, oh, yes, that notoriously stable real estate market. Go into restaurants next. Yeah. And she's like, uh, so where's this tub? Frank, I don't see a tub in here. It's like, just don't talk to the rest.

Who even uses tops? That's crazy. He's always mad. It's like, we're going to have a tub. That's different. Also, I want this wood floor to be gray. He's like, we can't do that. They make money.

You got to stay in the budget. She's like, guess what? I got upset when you were disbarred and didn't tell me we're getting great floors She's always got a way to win a fight because Frank just constantly messes up listen Here's what I don't want Frank. I don't want you to go do something behind my back and to find out from a worker Sort of like the time that you went behind my back and got disbarred. He's like, I mean what's that? Deloitte sort of like the time that you went behind my back and got disbarred. He's like, I mean, what's the deloas? You know, it's not gonna happen. No great floors, no bathtub, okay? And you can trust me on that. Okay, great floors, bathtub. He's just like, he lied to me when he cheated. He lied about being disbarred, but I'm gonna

give him one more chance. And if he lies again, then, you know, I gotta go. I gotta go. That's it. I just gotta go. You know what? If you lies one more time, I gotta go. I gotta go to the hallmach store and get a figurine and then think to myself, Hey, do I want to give this to Frank? How much would it cost to switch out my sink in my kitchen? You know, that's what I got to ask myself. Can I be honest, Frank? I'm worried about our income. I'm worried. He's like, don't be worried. Hey, does this old house have some big and rough dates in it?

I could really use something now. Anyone, do we leave a snack around here? Anything? No. This morning, you screw me one shame on you. Screw me twice shame on me. Screw me three times. Please only be alone.

I'm so lonely, Frank. So lonely. Screw me four times. I'm not a fixture. That's supposed to be for the sconce on the wall. Why you screw me into the wall? Screw me five times. I'm putting my finger through your wall.

So there we go. Screw you six times. You know what I'm lonely. I'm eviscerated. So I'm marginally not good at Marjor's house, where the caterers are making dinner because Melissa's going to come over. And the ovens are working so Jody number one sit down You are not needed same for you Jody number two. Yeah, no kidding Shishana. Okay, Shishana's like waiting at the window like

No Jody number one just has like like one of those like disposable Disposal like roasting pans full of mac and cheese. I made it just in case, just in case you didn't know. I can give it to Jody number two. You want to last last call, last call, last call. Sashana is like, I got the sternos. Got the sternos case we need. I'm like, why is Sashana always following us around?

It's because they can see right into the house. They always know what March needs. So March is having this party catered because she's have, well, it's not really a party but she's having Joe and guess which Joe. Let's just bring some random thing. It's a Joe party basically. Could you narrow that down please?

Joe, that's the same, that's what, that's what, Joe, people say the word Joe, they also mean coffee. Oh God, oh God Joe, no no, no we're having dinner party Oh god, so she has a older lady there helping her in Marlini Marlini Marlini who made a cameo appearance at the end of last season and we're like where the fuck has Marlini been all season? Why why are you guys hiding Marlini from us? Now they've like learned their lessons and they've now put Marlini from us? Now they've learned their lessons and

they've now put Marlini in front and center for the first episode. Yeah, and I love when Bravo brings back Ruth Busy. They just give her something to do. I know. Because Ruth Busy is like just a queen. I have to say, it was so great to see my aunt be on the show. Even though I thought she'd been dead for about 20 years, apparently she's not and she's on the show helping out March. But Marlany does do that like, my thing where it's really hard to do audio about Marlany because she's always just like, shrugging really big.

She did, like last season, she had a whole thing, but this time she sort of came out and didn't really say anything. She was like, someone that the producers did not want to have to pay sagdues for. Like, we don't want to give her residuals. So just like act like you're going to say something, but don't say anything please. Yeah. They're like, Marleney, you're a lamp. Okay.

Marleney, you're a jellyfish in the water and that jellyfish is going to serve some plates. Do it. And she's like taking it really seriously. She's like really big in all of her actions. So Joe and Melissa come over and Melissa still kissing her butt because she got that one like knock off person Italy or whatever. Yeah, exactly. Oh my god, it looks so good in here. Do you guys do anything to house? No, I mean, what would we do anything new? It's not like a marriage work. I'm only married to a contractor I mean classic mode. That was a large one. That was for you, Joan I sort of messed up the delivery a little bit. I'm sorry, but you know what happens the best of us, okay?

We did get Malik put mom's vagina So that's great. Okay mom's still on the floor. Okay mom. You can get up now. She's face down on the floor She hasn't been able to walk ever since she heard her plan might not be ready yet So Marge is like oh all right, so we got the dead yellow wedding coming up That'll be fine. That's gonna be so fun that's a yellow wedding Like can you believe it's gonna happen like she's friends Ella? She's terrible like she's literally terrible Okay, she upgraded her gown like she's pretel her like she's terrible like she's literally terrible okay she upgraded her gown like she's exhausting okay she's

exhausting me she's she literally has like two gowns like how many trains this woman you know what she's real-roading all of us without many trains that's what I get to say classic match and she was like let me tell you something Marys and I'm standing guy but a copiece of pussy drives you she opens those legs she grabs them like a steering wheel she drives them with her your view looks amazing what a good piece of pussy will do you know a good piece of pussy will make any man do anything it's crazy I'm like well last time I checked you weren't setting even setting the table so what's that got to say amazing how much more disgusting joke you get year to year. I mean, he's just such a fucking pig this guy.

Yeah, exactly. You know, it also tells you what a good piece of dick does. And actually, that's actually a pretty good testimony for Joe, because most of it does a lot around the house. So or bunny. Oh, yeah. So for dick or money, I like, oh, they're just like that. Or like they're just, you joke, or go so discussing. Let me, they're just like literally, we're like, they're just,

you joke, or go so disgusting. Let me make a few jokes about his joke, you know, let's just carry it. Let's out sexist his sexism. Yeah, let's see that. Yeah. So, Melissa's like, so let's have for this new business, check up a job of life.

Can you believe it? Like, I do it that it was for me to do a job of life because look, I love bed and I've been bed all day and I've worked from home. And so, look, it's going to be like business pajamas. Okay. It's going to be like high heels for the bed. You know, like a briefcase, a briefcase to put your sleepy time books into.

Am I right, Joe? Joe, would you give me some? Oh, God damn, Joe. Thank God I've got an app in my neck, briefcase., would you give me some, oh god damn, thank god I've got it app-gated by, by, thank you, briefcase. I didn't totally follow that, I'll be honest, Ronnie, but I liked where it went. I wasn't me there, so, when it doubt, just have Joe splooge on her face and she has her copy, exactly. Listen, it's weird, there's no music on, do anyone might have put on some music?

Have I put on some Ariana Grande? Oh, Joe, just because it's a Grande doesn't mean you gotta do that in my face. It's a little hot in here. Let me open up the vent. Oh, God, Joe. I didn't say venty. I said that. So then of course, Joe Gorgas, can I suggest something? How about you make your pajamas with this litman? So when you guy wants to fuck you, you can just, it's like, okay, Joe, okay. Yeah, also those exist. So, you know,

be more aware of the marketplace. Try the standard underwear, dude. Also, it's really that hard to pull down pajamas like the three inches it takes to like unleash the beast. I don't think so. So they're eating and Melissa's a heavy sentry and she and Who said saw oh? Whatever Marge I wrote Mark. I was like who the fuck is Mark?

Marge is like yeah, I saw her but that's the Laura's which is crazy, you know And just like does she like you now like these women look, look at all these women, how they're always fighting. It's like what that's what women do. N-n-n-net, blabla blabla blabla, stupid fucking women. How about you put a splitting your pants, all right? Just give a big kiss. Seriously, meanwhile Marlene, Marlene is like serving plates

and then doing little dances and Melissa's dancing with her. Nothing really makes sense during the scene. Actually clears a plate from Marge and Marge is like, what, did you just barked by ear my lady? Like is that what you do? What are you gonna drunk in the kitchen? Like really just barked by ear? She's like, it's the closest I can get to get residuals from this episode. So um, and then if they're all talking about this up, Melissa's upcoming birthday party and Melissa's invited everyone and Dolores

and Danielle are gonna come face to face and they don't get along and especially because Danielle has been going around telling people, hey so did you hear that Frank got disbought? Did you hear that Frank got disbought? Which honestly like, I think that's fair game. I think you're allowed to ask that about people. Did you hear that? That's crazy right? Like, poor but Danielle, such an asshole And who's Danielle to be talking anyway?

Danielle has the most the cedeous life out of anybody on this show. And you should be saying thank you because Dan, little known fact last season at the, at the center of almost all the drama was Danielle's job. Okay, and that's why last season was a criminally underrated season. Because there's a lot of shit that happened. A lot of glasses were thrown. So we have to be thankful because if we didn't have Danielle we'd have someone like Jackson the Rita who just be like Yeah, so then

Then we go to a restaurant called chef Freddy's table. I got love these Jersey restaurants Then we go to a restaurant called Chef Freddy's Table. I got to love these Jersey restaurants. What Teresa's there. Teresa sits down and for some reason, the camera just zooms in on Flash-Fried Calamari on the menu. I don't know if I was trying to send a message about Teresa her mental state, her hunger. I don't know.

But it's like Teresa's list. It's Teresa's recipe. I think I feel like I'm going to have any wine today, not for me. Maybe my friend went, but I was on a diet. So I like, I can't order nothing because I'm on a diet. It's like, okay, ma'am. Just save me. No, thank you. Well, please. I can't wait to get a piece of that 20% of nothing you're about to spend.

Okay, do I have to hear about your fucking diet, too? I can't wait to get 20% of the food you brought from home to my restaurant. And like a shoebox. Like what was that that she was bringing her food? It was like, I guess it was one of those portable food. It was like an igloo thing from 1987. Frankie, this to me after he won Mr. Goddard and Stasis. Yeah, because Dolores, like I know what she's going through.

You know, before I was alone in the house, I was a wife and a mother. And Frank was Mr. World Jersey 1986. So for sure. I mean, I never would have thought back there that he would have been coming, Glig Fund. I'll tell you that. But you know, he was that guy on the Jersey Shore,

and now he's probably still that guy on the Jersey Shore. What do I know? I'm totally alone in the world, so., I'm you know, I remember back when Frank was trying out to be Mr. Paramus 1987 and he ate all his meals just to out of a little container. I had to eat my meals alone and I'll tell you eating my meals alone, I never felt more abyscerated in my life. That is until I got alone now and now I'm more abyscerated. And this evisceration's worse than that last evisceration, because this one I'm meeting my meals alone and I'm alone. You know what, let's move on from me talking

about how eviscerated I am and talk about how gutted I am, okay? Because I'm still dating David, okay? You know, I'm living with Frank still, but he's always had a chance. So then I'm dating David and David, like I see him one day a week, okay? I'm lonely, I'm gutted. There.

I'm getting to the point where I'm saying, hey, can you bring your motorcycle over to my living room at this point? You know, like, I'm just sad. Meanwhile, Teresa's like, I'll have some mixed greens with nothing on them. I'm like, that was actually the saddest thing that's ever happened on Bravo.

Teresa ordering mixed greens that were undressed. Yeah. I'm like, ah, there's carrots on theirs. I can't have those. Green thing. She's like, oh, there's carrots on there. I can't have those. Pink pink. And she's like, I'm Italian and Italian food is everything. Oh, you're Italian really? So they start basically talking small talk because obviously they're not really friends anymore.

No idea what's going on in each other's lives. And she's like, I'm going to have not just one Danielle because Mary. So yes, we can have Danielle and Dolores is like, yeah, so she told you about Frank and this board. Well, I hope you know that I didn't tell you just because that's how I am. It's not because we're not close. It's because guess why? Um, so addressing. No. You got two more guesses. Uh, ping and ass. No, we're Italian.

That's why. And you don't share the pink elephant. Yeah. You don't share the pink elephant. What you do is you sit at home alone and get it viscerated by your emotions. It's a great feeling and terrible at the same time. I got so mad as to think it through my walk.

Wasn't hard, though, because it was bad. I tried to call a mask because Frank wasn't helping. Ma's is like, I can't. I'm working at the same time. I got so mad I stuck a finger through my wall. It wasn't hard though because it was bad. I tried to call a mask because Frank wasn't helping me. But mask is like, I can't, I'm working at the gym. And when you come in to work and I said, I can't come in to work, mask. My wall has a finger hole in it. And I stuck another finger hole. And I was like, mask, guess what?

There's another finger hole. And he said, come to work. And I said, I can't. You know, boo, he's dead. I'm lying here. The best of the rations, you know what I'm saying? OK, tell fuckface.? Okay, tell fuck face Tell fuck face to shut a fucking mouth. Okay, she's a nut a trouble maker and a wacky dude

All right, let me write that down and not trouble maker one. Is that wacky? Is that like a is that like a poodle? Who has sex alone with a wacky mole? Yeah, leave carrots out of that I didn't say carrots carrots to Risa. OK, I said, it not a trouble maker and a wacky dude. I can't have wacky dudes though, I'm sorry. Not for 12 more weeks. Oh, is it 12 weeks or four weeks? I don't know. I got all scoops and stuff from my train of taras. And then Dolores tells us.

She's like, you know what I'm going to do with Danielle? I'm going to either ignore her or I'm going to become bat patison Dolores and gonna do with Danielle. I'm gonna either ignore her or I'm gonna become Paterson Dolores slip out. Hey, I don't know. We're gonna have to see what happens. I mean whatever what a whack-a-do whack-a-do whack-a-do I like to get in No, nothing. It's not worth it. No worth it. Let's not go down that path. So yeah, now it's like, it's party time

and guess what, Melissa's getting glammed up in a little chair and Joe comes by. I think we talked about this when we analyzed the trailer but Joe has like a bottle of champagne and he pops it and of course we talked about this, Melissa, me like. Woo! Like the first time she ever like learned about the concept of quirks and also how no one opens up champagne bottles like that like anyone

with like half a brain which is probably more than what Joe Gorgah has blesses little half brainless head yeah you take you take the cork with your hand and you hold it and as you twist it when the cork pops you catch the cork yeah but if you did that you couldn't shoot the cork pops, you catch the cork. Yeah, but if you did that, you couldn't shoot the cork across the room and then go, that was like me shooting. One right. Then Marjo's joke comes in and is like,

hey, did someone say something about coffee? Hey. Hey. Is this dress guy? Was this like, hoki? Was this like, what are you saying? I'm like, a bow peep or what are you saying? Like, I was like, it's hard and free. It's like, what were you talking about? It's like two different type of ice cream. It's like, hard key? What do you say? I'm like, uh, Bo Peep, or what do you say? Like, uh, like, it's hard and free.

Like, get it. It's like two different types of ice cream. It's like, hard and soft ice cream. Like, I'm soft, but it's also on top of Ben and Jerry's. Like, it's crazy. It's quiet classic match. And then Frank is like, all right, what are we going to do to Laura?

It's like, oh, they're going to be food there. Okay. And she's like, look, this is a very big day. Okay, because I'm a this rated. I'm lonely. There's a whack of you there. Like, this is your sense going on, he's like, look, if you're gonna fight with somebody, Flores,

can I please just see first? That's like literally, all that brings me happiness right now. I think it's a lot of frank. Jake, just let me have, just, just, just, please, Dolores, just let me have like two or three steaks, and then you can fight, okay? So then, Marv tells us that she's bringing Jackie,

who's one of the new cast members. She's like, you know what? You know, I brought Jackie to the pajama party. And you know what? Like, Jackie and Melissa, they hit it up like a has-entire. Now, I know that that's like an expression to house on fire, but I feel like that's like the worst way to talk about a burgeoning new friendship, right? Mountain Jersey, because when you start a house on fire together, you share the insurance

man. That means there will be they will be a boon So um so yes, so Dolores is warning Frank that Daniel will be there and he just wants to finish his dinner And then everyone shows up and guess where the birthday is rail Oh rails It's the all rails. It's the butake of northern Jersey It's the all rails. It's the buty of Northern Jersey. The bowtieke. Oh my God rails. What a classy place. And rails.

We're not only seeing the regular rails with the two sided fireplaces. And you know, the Cosmopolitan's or whatever. And over so we see. Yeah. And that was the secret room in rails. Yeah. Where you pull like they walk in and you pull like a light fixture. And that was the secret room in Rails. Where you pull, like they walk in and you pull, like a light fixture and I'm like, oh my God, it's like a Gorgah build home. And it's like the fucking DaVinci code underneath it. It's like a wine cellar, but it looks like it was, it was like, is that a catacombe?

Like what's happening underneath Rails? Okay, this was clearly where they sort of the dead bodies. And they're like, you know what? We've been shooting a lot of things for New Jersey. Why don't we just like turn this into, let's turn this into like an event space. Okay, let's get the dead bodies. And they're like, you know what? We've been shooting a lot of things for New Jersey. Why don't we just like turn this into, let's turn this into like an event space. Okay, let's get the dead bodies out of there. Let's put some tables instead.

Yeah, so everybody shows up, there's a lot of weird fur is in like plastic e-letter. It looks so cool. That's just the faces. Oh, crazy, what? Crazy, crazy, crazy. Can I just see first? Okay.

Yeah, so it looks like cramped and hot down there. Classic night. Classic night. Can I just eat first? Okay. Yeah. So it looks like cramped and hot down there. It looks like a cool place to go if you're having dinner and then you get a little table down there. But when you have 50 people and a camera crew and blazing lights, it looks miserable. And fire underground. Like there's a lot of fire underground,

like fireplaces and stuff. Also, there are a lot of scenes where they're like, remember when I had that party? That pajama party, the adult business, pajama party party. That was so fun. Remember that? And they keep talking about it.

And it was a month ago. Yeah. And it's not really a good sign when they started shooting a month ago and still have nothing to use. Yeah, they're well, I think that they're just accelerating. I think that actually is like, they're like, let's just get to the heart of it You know they probably had an episode order that was cut back

So they just had to like drop all their pajama pajama party was clearly supposed to be what the season opened with but instead now we're here, but um But I will say by the way I feel like I didn't see any rail teenies during this episode and we know that that's the signature drink of The show and and third of all I don't know if you noticed it but on this week on On Get A Room with Carson and Tom they redid a place that was in Franklin Lakes So I thought that was like a nice tie-in to get us ready for the season and then they burnt it down It was the brownstone

It was a little room that Caroline's husband sleeps in on the weekends It was a little room that Caroline's husband sleeps in on the weekends So so Jackie the new cast member arrives and Melissa starts telling us about why she and Jackie hit it off She's like we have kids are the exact same age We're both hard work in business women and she drinks so we're just gonna get along so well. I'm like You're an idiot Melissa Goreorgot. You're officially an idiot Okay, then we get over to Joe and Teresa speaking of dumb-dums He's like what are you drink? Oh

He's like you could drink some vodka My ass is gonna be swollen time, drink some vodka. It's like, my ass is gonna be swollen, time, John, okay? He's like, I'm gonna have to. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm're gay, I'm probably a woman too. But when you're gay, you have definitely been in a situation where you deal with a Joe Gorega, and then you're like, oh, how do I get out of this? He's trying to make me do so.

He wants to put me in a headlock. No. Yeah, or is that like, hey, all right. My butthole compared to other gay dude buttholes. Yeah, I feel like what does it feel like? He's like, it's fine. And he'll like slap you really hard on the chest like Hey, that's funny. You get guys in hilarious too

Yeah, we're just guys, you know, I like the guys can be guys, you know get blow jobs from me It's no big deal, right? It's not gay, right? It's not gay, right? Like you you're not really gay, right? He's so hot. So We both love Joe Disgusting that's a disgusting confession we have to make. We both like literally are in love with Joe Gorgon. This actually is just making him just like more and more hot. Like, oh, he's so disgusting.

Such a slime ball. I'm like, oh, is this just disgusting? He's probably one of those guys who comes over and he's like, yeah, I'm just here to fix your cable. And you're like, oh, disgusting. Get out. Thank you. Grabbing his crotch while he's like checking the plum. And you're like, oh, just guss and get out. Thank you. Grabbing his crotch while he's checking the plum

and you're like, damn it. Oh, hey, damn. So Jennifer shows up. Jennifer is the other new cast member. And she shows up. She's one of those people that you can tell is already like trouble because her eyes are bulging and she's doing like a circle smile.

Or she's like, you can't see because it's a podcast. But her mouth is fully open she's not really smiling she's just has made a giant circle with her mouth like yes she does that's true and she kind of looks like a cross between Kathie and the Jimmy's face and Jacqueline LaRita's face yeah with a little friend dresser in there for good men yeah and all those women you know were trouble weird? Is that back in the day? I used to I used to work for Jennifer's husband who was a plastic surgeon, huh? It's a small world. You think about these things when you're alone being eviscerated at the kitchen island. And you jersey surgery is a place that brings people together. What can I tell you?

You know? So Jennifer is from Turkey. And you know, with this crowd, you have to really clarify that she comes from the country, Turkey, and not just from a place that's so good. Teresa's like, oh my God, my daughter sat on Turkey last week at the grocery store. Oh yeah, I went to a Turkey farm once

to get a Turkey for Thanksgiving. Remember that? Remember that? I'm glad you're not from Sprinkle Cookie. last week in the groceries to uh... oh yeah i went to a turkey farm once again a turkey thanks giving a member that's remember that i'm glad you're not from sprinkles cookie so uh... yes she's like i'm from turkey but i didn't like the person that my parents picked for me and i picked your man who lives like that like that crazy like uh... what and then what you have to go on a shaperon date after that that's crazy. Like, what, and then what you had to go on a cheper date after that, that's legitimately insane.

Okay, that's like ridiculous. Like how are you going to stick your head status pants if you're paired to that? How are you guys going to have a coffee date? You know what I'm saying? Okay, like how you can get cream on top? You know what I'm saying? How you get some from latte? Okay, you know what I'm saying?

I was even talking to you. How'd you get over here? Put it back in your pants, Joe. Can I get some paper towels? Anybody you see my lady, I'm saying I was even talking to you had to get over here. But I'm back in your pants Joe Can I get some paper towels anybody see my lady I left her in the kitchen Yeah, I like they're all like they're like oh my god. That's so old-fashioned She under ranged marriage while the rest and then like two seconds later like you know We're Italian and we don't talk about the things that are going on inside of our brains I like when they're talking about arranged marriage.

And she goes, well, ladies, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? And Marge goes, I don't know. I've, I've given away a lot of milk. I've also had a lot of milk on my chest. Criticies have some miscommunications in the bedroom. I love that we've had poor classic Marge. It gets sploched on by so like six times in this podcast. You know, it happens. It happens. You know know it cream on top. You know what I'm saying

Listen You know just it's classic magic. So Frank shows up and There's like a there's a mini montage of Frank eating food and he's just like so happy Okay, I get one another one of those again. Another one of those bacon wrap dates. Okay, you got one of those I can get a steak. Okay, you got a of those. Can I get a steak? Okay? Got a crab. Can I just have like four crabs? I don't care. I'll just eat them with the shell on that's fine. Okay. Oh, is that a potato? Yeah, don't cook it. Just just give it to me. Okay. I'm gonna eat it right now. Thank you. Thanks so much. Pretty much he's just been drinking. He's gonna have like poop a lot today. That's all he's doing is watching and then

What's your buttons Dolores sees him across the room and she's like how frank look at look at Frank over there eating. He's so happy. He's so happy. Look how much he's eating. He's as happy as I am alone and sad. Yeah, when every when people binge, that's like a total sign of happiness. I know what works for me guys. Oh God, I was happy for him. Bacon baked baked bacon wrapped baked. I mean, you see me at Raniap parties. You see the way I just become a crazy person. Like a password door comes round, and I'm like, you love a free food. I can't help it.

Like I spent so many years, like literally going to Super Marga and like checking like the differences. Like this can cost like a dollar ninety five this one's a dollar ninety I was like hmm five cents cheaper, but that one looks better. So it's it worth five cents for the non BPA can or it's cancer worth it Yeah, so like that was you know like I Learned that but pretty strong instinct. I've like I've looked at an instant I learned that but pretty strong instinct. I've like I've low in the internet.

And I was like, I'm a half-door durf comes by. You take five and you take them quickly. Yeah, when I was a cater waiter, I used to put tap or wear in my trunk. Oh, that's good. And then when I was cleaning up the party, I would take everything home and then I would just stay in my house for three days

after in binge and cry. One time I went, one time I got drunk with a friend and we went to, we were at the Skybar and we went and there was a restaurant called Asia to Cuba that was like attached to Skybar. And my friend and I, we went, like we were in the bar and then we saw this like giant group of people, like it was like 18, it was a table for like 18 people. But like half of them had left so we went and we sat down at the table and we were like, we started talking, like, how's it going?

And then like you want some food? I was like, me? Oh, sure. I started having the food and then the waiter came by and I said like, we started talking, like, how's it going? Did it, did it, did it? And then like, you want some food? It's like me? Oh, sure. I started having the food. And then the waiter came by and I said, just pack this all up. We'll take it to go. And we, because I was so drunk, I basically stole all their food.

And then the next day, I was like, oh my god, I have food from Asian to Cuba here. And I opened it up and it was like all these weird, half-eaten dishes. I was like, these are, this is food that was like half-eaten by strangers. I did all that. I was just discussing. I literally did that strangers. I did all of this discussion. I literally did that with your food from last night this morning. I was like, why am I eating Ben's weird?

But that's my, but that's my, well, I know that, I forced that on you. I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I It was delicious. It was delightful. Thank you for that. But like you could see like the curves in the fish when where you ate it with your mouth And I was like who does this like am I this desperate that I'm taking Ben's like corner of fish hope and the answer was yes and I was like eggplant and something It was like a potato Sounder thing delicious. It was delightful. I want to eat all the point is the point is Dolores and Melissa and Jackie are talking and Dolores is like is Danielle coming not that I care but like I'm sitting here like Literally with a gun like cock ready for her. Melissa's like you say on one end. She says on the other

Yeah She says on the other Whoa Yeah, this is just like drunk drunk sorority girl now and Dolores goes you know what everyone has this joy to memory about what Dan Yel did to Teresa But I remember and then this show of course the flashback for like the millionth time of Teresa saying prostitution war and flipping the table And I'm like I don't think it's possible for anyone to to ever forget because Bravo will pull that clip up like in the middle of Shaza sunset. Okay, we will never let us forget it. Yeah, it's like, hey, we're replaying the Santa Christmas carol. It's like in the middle. It's like, your presentation, or just in case we forgot.

Oh, we should, I also want to mention since we did allude to the fact that we had dinner last night together at the restaurant speaking of shows of your There was a Bravo a minor former Bravo Liberty Rachel Zoze husband was there and he still has the same little haircut That sort of looks like it belongs to a woman named Jen who's on a field hockey team And I walked by I went to the barber today and I walked by Eva from America's Neck Top Model, her baby daddy. Her baby daddy was sitting, was standing on the corner of the street massively involved in his phone. So a lot of really minor bravo run-ins. Wow. I'm such a mess. So good-ass. No, I really should have left the house today. Yeah, you could have seen Kevin McCall

So So Dolores is telling us about you know, I will never forget she goes lepids do not change this spot Okay, Frank you ready show all go home with you. Yeah, just give me a few more minutes Just don't change their spots. You can tell like Daniel's Thomas like well damn I just bought a shirt that was supposed to be leopard print that can turn into tiger print. Oh well So so yeah, so they're they're trying to start they're trying to start things But we're not sure cuz Danielle comes in she's like Yeah, she kind of clean does a queen entrance into this like secret room

Yeah, and then they're all standing there and then Dolores just walks away And like that's weird just walking away mid conversation So then all the husbands and boyfriends and fiances the all the bros they go into the corner like yeah Yeah, pussy am I right? Yeah, pussy. Yeah, that's Joe. Yeah, he's like Yeah, this guy Marty is so nice, but Yeah, he's like he had this guy Marty's so nice But then you'll book them up with this would a pussy she opens up a leg and he's like whoa Y'all go to the Bahamas would you baby? And he's like I have to buy my clothes at Costco now Which is actually step up because I was buying it at Sam's Club originally, but I was just hoping to be far

The long in the process. I know we're supposed to be feel bad for you. I'm wearing Kirkland right now, sir. Exactly. And I'm based on what you're wearing. I'm sorry. I don't believe that's even Costco. So then here's also where we can tell that there's some trouble on the horizon because the someone mentions to Marge or where or Marge, there's some reference to the two, the two new cast members. And Marge goes,ge, there's some reference to the two new cast members.

And Marge goes, yeah, they're very nice girls. They're young girls. Like, okay, here we go, Claus. She's like, I'm in my second year, I'm allowed to take some territory here. Yeah. And Dolores is like, thanks for including me, even knowing that I was close to a friend of, I'm a friend with one of your enemies. Look, I know I got it. I'm a this serrated.

I'm a Kalamazoo cook, cook face. You know, I get it. I'm like, thanks for having me. And Marge is like, don't talk like that. I can see you and I can see her like maybe somebody's wrong, maybe somebody's right. Like who about the judge? I'll tell you who I judge. Who's right somebody's wrong. Maybe somebody's right. Like who about the judge? I'll tell you who I judge. Who's right or who's wrong?

I don't care what friends. Yeah, if I'm friends of friends, okay. That's it. So you're gonna be be be be be be be be be be be be be be be watchy to or not. Are we over that? She's like, no, I mean, I guess I'll be nice to you. Guess I'm sitting at home alone.

I've got a hole in my wall and I'm a viscerated. So do you want to come to my kitchen? Are we going to be friends? You know it. Keep smiling. Keep trying. That's what friends are for. You know going to be friends? You know it keeps smiling keep trying that's what Fin's a fruit. You know I'm saying you know it's a that's what I guess No, I never said it's like these okay Hey, yeah, hey, yeah, when it hasn't been a day a week your mother even a year. You know I'm saying girls. Okay, so Then Melissa so now Melissa's

Allegedly drunk. I actually felt like she wasn't drunk. I think she was like not drunk yet, but she was trying to be drunk. So she was like being really loud and shrill and it's thrilling never ever real. You know, she's always like faking something. And at this point, she's like, I'm going to pretend I'm drunk and scream at my husband about saying that he has crumbs. Or I make crumbs and he makes cake.

Yeah. But before she does that, she's like, Teresa, drink. You're not going to drink. And she's like, and can't drink some stuff because it's Harris and stuff and Busy is. So Melissa's like, Oh, Teresa thinks she's so strong. Let's see how strong she really is into jumped on Teresa, which was past aggressive. First of all, the Teresa thing she's so strong, that that was a past progressive thing. That was like, say, annoyance,

a subtle like voice to annoyance about Teresa's fitness thing. And then jumping on her is actually also a little fucked up because that could injure her. And she's like training for a competition. Like, didn't she learn anything about what tamer went through on her journey So I was like, you know what Melissa don't make me defend Theresa right now, okay? Yeah, I think they're both stupid. I was just like when is this gonna end it got to the point where it's like okay Making it because then Melissa starts bringing up old stuff. She brings up the old fight with her husband about the crumbs Yeah, then she brings up She's like I got a mother fucking cake.

And if you want to throw some mother fucking cake into it, because I'm not like Siggie has learned. Oh my God, that's all you have to hold on to. It's the crumb storyline and Siggie who's been fired. I mean, like everything has to do with pastries. And you know what? Like honestly, when they showed the flashback of Sige being like, no, we have to tell the chef that we're from Jersey.

I'm like, you know what? Honestly, that birthday party made me lap a whole lot more than you squealing like, oh, you're cramps, I'm cake. You know what? That's what I got to say. Agreed, man. And that brings us to the end. Yeah. Well, technically, the end was when Danielle

put some cake in Joe Gorgas' face, which was fun. Yeah, good case. So yeah, I actually really enjoyed the episode. And yeah. It's funny how you can actually enjoy that again. I mean, I enjoyed last season. I think we had a really good time recapping last season. Yeah, I really loved last season. I did have a little of exhaustion when I heard it was coming back just

because I was like, oh, I think by the end of that reunion, Jersey really does have some intense reunions. And by the end of that, I was really tired. And so I don't know. I saw, it's like when you see pizza and you haven't had it and you just remember the last time you were passed out and wanted to die. But then you forget the second you have another slice and you do it all over again. Yeah. I, um, you know, I was happy to see the Jersey trailer pop up and I'm glad it's back. I only got stressed because we have about five other six other shows that we're covering at the same time.

I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but it's back and we are going to be covering Dallas, Mannyana, Dallas, of course, epic, epic, epic, so last night and we're going to be covering it in Seattle, so that's going to be fun, y'all better buy your tickets if you haven't done it yet. Come on in from wherever you are, if you're a vampire and in Forks Washington, well, there's room for you here. So I've got to watchuprapins.com to get your Seattle tickets. We are so excited. We will see you there. Bye, everyone.

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