Watch What Crappens - RHONY: Escape from Lu-catraz
Episode Date: June 8, 2018The Real Housewives of New York celebrates Bethenny's new jeans line and Luann's great prison escape. Time to crack some nuts. Enjoy! This week's bonus is about Newsies the musical and terrib...le endings to great TV shows. To hear it, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **Crappens Live is coming to San Francisco, Phoenix, Irvine, DC, and has added second shows in Atlanta and Philadelphia! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on yo bros. I'm Ronnie Kerr. You can also hear me on the roast ricks bachelor roast every Tuesday morning
And here I am with the gorgeous Ben Mandelker my co-host my internet life partner my bff
Hi, I'm great. Thanks. How are you? I'm doing good
It's real housewives of New York
day. So that's always a good time for me, man. Oh, such a good time for all of us.
Don't break it with the great time. I love this show. It's the best and the best thing
is that we get to talk about it in just a few weeks in San Francisco. I'm sorry, in Phoenix, we are talking Roni in Phoenix.
So get your tickets and come see us on June 21st.
And I believe it's a stand-up live.
Stand-up live in Phoenix.
It's gonna be a fabulous, hilarious time.
You guys gotta come. You just have to.
You have to.
You don't know when we're going back to Phoenix,
so make the most of it now.
And right after that is San Francisco,
Gay Pride Weekend in San Fran.
They're going to be talking Southern charm and having a big Southern
charm.
Gay pride and heights.
Yeah, San Fran.
Yeah, exactly. Like you kind of have to come see us in San Francisco.
I mean, Luan is literally playing down the street from us the same night.
Like it's kind of destiny. It's a bravo night in San Francisco.
It's gay pride. I mean, like it's gayness in the air
You have to come even if you're straight. Yes, and also we have our limited edition t-shirts out for the month of June
And it's what's the matter? What's going on? What's happening? The Bethany assistant t-shirts so go get that at crap and smurch or
Watch what crap and calm. That's where you can also find ticket links for all of our upcoming shows
We're touring through the entire year, all of 2018. Yeah. And now it's time for
real housewives of New York. Real house. I know this is going to be a good episode
because the previously is narrated by not narrated but intro by Durrinda and she's trying to sound like Carol which is really weird.
She's like, oh, you kissed me on the real ass like you were kidding.
It's like, did you ask Durrinda to do this after 20 packs of cigarettes?
It's like they just woke Durrinda up and around somewhere.
We're like, will you record this?
Yes, she is like hungover.
She got wasted last night in Buttec,
and she is not ready to do her voice over work.
And there's a producer sitting in her bedroom
holding up her yellow plates,
being like, it's sunshine, it's sunshine, wake up.
I fell for the gym.
And sensibly.
I was cracking up even before basically the show started,
but it's sort of the same reason
because they're showing previously on Real House,
it's New York, and they're showing all the stuff.
And they show Luan the police footage of her being arrested
when she's like, she's like, why?
Why? Why? Why?
It's like, she's in the police cruiser right now.
And the cop literally like
Has his arm up on her chest and it's like listen, listen lady
I'm gonna hog tie you if you don't stop and then it cuts directly to
Like like the opening credits like just
This like casual
Music
Like literally from I'm going to hog to you if you don't stop to
Success in New York is only a matter of your high heels or whatever they say, you know, it's like I love
They just they cut from Luan to Luan because they went they have Luan going what is this nutcracker situation?
Like ride into her being in a cop car. I was like whoa what didn't happen with that neck cracker
What happened between nutcracker and you know, jail
Like oh wait, did she steal it from El Chappo or is she like
Transporting something for him in there. El Chappo's a nutcracker. Let me tell you that guy is a nutcracker. That's no joke
I'll tell you your countis and friends includes so many different people.
People.
We are Cheyenne Jackson.
We have Burnett Peters, El Chappo.
Amy Phillips, El Chappo.
You're just sing a wonderful Ranchero song.
It's El Chappo.
What do they call those songs that are about those like Ranchero songs that are about drug
dealers. There's a specific genre that is, you know what I'm talking about? What do they call those songs that are about those like Ranchero songs that are about drug dealers?
There's a specific genre that is you know I'm talking about they're called the Nutcrackerays
El Nutcrackeray I'm learning Spanish on duo thing though called El Nutcrackeray
Loose no crackeros so most might as we get right
Three two one grossos. Why do we get right? Bumpa dumpa dump duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, with my not cracker. I'm gonna eat something. I'll mix the laugh every time. Okay, so we open.
Her totally indelicate lyrics
that don't even rhyme.
They just are like,
love consciousness.
Let me read for my big trapper
keeper covered in Jules Diary.
Ah!
Anyway, I'd like to call it a little chapo on stage.
We're gonna sing a song.
We like to sing on those hot,
Mexican nights called
El Nutcracker O.
Oh, he seems a little angry.
Don't lose your head, Chappo.
Get up, boys.
Now where is that?
You know, he is always sneaking away.
And now from some wonderful underground music with El Chappo.
Okay.
Oh, El Nutcracker O by Luan and El Chavo. Okay. Oh, not cracker open, Luann and El Chavo.
Okay, so we open with Bethany and her family in a car.
And by her family, I mean, Kevin.
Kevin, her driver.
She's like, Kevin, Kevin, yeah, yeah, Kevin, Kevin.
I'm going to Chicago today.
I'm going to Chicago.
I'm going to do a business conference.
I'm going to get home, Brinson, I'm going to leave the wiser.
Like, you know what the weather's like in Chicago? It's either cold school to
fuck. Okay. Okay. Kevin. Hey, Kevin. Hey, I saw you with the Julie. I saw your I saw
you have a Kevin Jules. Huh? Is that what you do on the side? Kevin Jules. Kevin is so
checked out. He's yeah, he's like a library book basically. He's just completely checked
out. He's just staring at his phone.
Like I do not get paid enough for this, you know?
Yeah, exactly.
It's like if I have to hear Bethany make another joke
about Chicago weather,
I'm just gonna just drive off this bridge right now.
Thanks, please.
Please followed by Dorinda limping out to meet Ramona
in a car and she's got a cane.
And Ramona's like, hi, I'm here to pick you up.
Can you me to help you? Or can you do them and help you to the
car? I was like, what happened? What is going on?
Miranda has a cane. Ramona is offering to help her into the car.
What happened?
They stabbed myself in the foot. I didn't even know it.
Yeah, this is the most real housewives of New York,
injury of all time. D'Aurinda, she's like, where I have a
crystal of shawshake and fell on my foot. I was like, where I have a crystal full of shalt shake
and fell on my foot.
I was like having used the shalt shake
since before which she died.
And I thought, hey, I'm not easy.
I'm gonna use that shalt shake if you don't want.
And she's born as shalt shakeers, you know?
So I just had to use my foot to the back.
I just heard it.
I love that Dorenda just even before her foot's black.
Like she just wakes up one morning like,
you know the crystal full soul shake it.
I deserve that.
I deserve it.
I'm just like imagining her on one of those like
librarian ladders, you know reaching up to like the
fine like the Christophel shaker hidden behind a box
a special K or something. It just comes tumbling down
I'll tell you what happened to my foot
It was it was Christophel with a shot shaker in the kitchen
If it leaves even more bloated now cuz they insult
So then tenslies on the phone with her mom and I wrote tenslies on the phone with her mom and I wrote Tinsley's on the phone with her mom no Carol because
It's like this is no Carol. It's like
That's how she talks when she's in California. She's so relaxed. Everything takes longer including her syllables.
That's Carol getting massage.
Yeah.
So Tinsley is talking to Dale on the phone. You know, Dale's probably sitting there down in Florida eating Russell Stover chocolates while her brother was yammering away. She is. She's like, oh, oh, this one has new gate. Go on, Tinsley. What are you talking about?
She's like, oh my God, Mom. Scott and I had such a good time and Palm Beach. Oh my God, Mom.
It was great. It's like literally the smallest city in all the world. And it was so much fun.
How could it say so small be have such big fun?
And Carol's having way too much fun with this Lou
and what to jail thing, you know, and she's like,
well, friend called me and I thought, oh, no, she got to
do why, but then I googled it and I was scared for her.
That's not a good place to be.
I was like, yeah, you seem terrified, Carol. You know,
it's like that moment of Botox where you're just always smiling,
but also Carol, you just can't help smiling.
Your face may not be able to tell me whether or not you're smiling,
but that glimmering your eyes tells me, but you're smiling.
Well, I guess what everyone was smiling, including production, because
she... I mean, Carol says, when I heard about Luann getting arrested,
and, you know, I thought that she might have had a DUI,
but it turns out it was so much more serious.
If it were Beverly Hills, it would be like, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun And she assaulted a police officer and she might be going away to jail and the music like
Like it's just carefree and light like I just another day in New York. Let's get a croissant
Girls like I emailed her and I said whoops. That's not good
And he's like I was just a few blocks away. We're went down. I was just right there And I felt badly for her because, you know, I know how it'll be taken to the press. I reached out and I said, babe, I'm in town. And I shouldn't have
said this, but come over to my mom's love cocktail.
Good one, didn't sleep. I actually really respect that instinct.
Well, yeah, that's worse. Yeah, that's what else are you going to do before you get your
stuck in rehab.
Tinsley was so mad that she wasn't there. She's like, it's literally the smallest place on Earth
and I miss the coolest thing happening.
You know, you know, that's what she was thinking.
So then meanwhile Ramona and Durinder are talking about it
and Ramona of course has taken this chance to be demure.
She's like, oh, the wind's taking,
uh, well, you know, she's away right now. She's like, oh, the wind's taking, uh, well, you know, she's a way right now.
She's on vacation. Like, she's at summer camp. Get it? Durinda? Get it?
I love that she's whispering like somebody died. She's like, the wind's awake. Hey,
I haven't spoken to her. How's her spirits? No pun intended, Romano.
Yeah.
How to have spirits. No pun intended, Ramona.
Yeah.
Oh,
and you're just like,
I haven't actually read the email.
These things,
these shit guys,
ignore the noise.
By the way,
you're called on during this new hair being
be Arthur's hair from The Golden Girls
is fucking perfect.
Yeah, like Luke gave her Golden Girls hair.
Like, I don't know what he's thinking.
I don't know how he can say employed
after giving her that hair, but he did.
And so Durrinda's like, yeah,
I don't think Durrinda's ready to go back
and get any sort of polite society.
I'm like, none of you guys are ready
to go into polite society.
Nothing about you guys ever even screams polite.
Or society, really.
I mean, you just dropped a salt
shaker on your foot yeah you have a salt shaker injury you broke your foot with a salt shaker
he wasn't in a good place he wasn't in a good place and she's a guest yes well she said
she was self-medicated and I did that I was getting divorced I mean mean, which I don't know, P.M. I mean, I didn't hit anybody, but still,
this is bad, bad, it's a bad thing.
The police were there, and that's bad, okay?
This was an out of control situation that became public,
and worse than that, the police were involved, and that's bad.
That's like so bad, but the worst kind of bad.
It's like Michael Jackson.
I'm bad, I'm bad.
You know what?
I'm bad except it's about little wings.
Like Michael Jackson was like the wings bad, the wings bad.
And she knows it, she's bad, okay?
It's like the divorce, okay?
It doesn't matter who won the divorce,
who lost the divorce, who came in and
attained the divorce with the goalie
was wearing the divorce. Like it's not about your divorce, Ramona in and attained the divorce, with the goalie was wearing the divorce,
like it's not about your divorce, Ramona, okay?
Self-medicating, after that divorce,
I was addicted to using anti-aging creaks,
which couldn't stop using it on myself.
It's self-medicating, but worth that divorce,
I wouldn't look 20 years old.
And then it's like, yeah, what,
sometimes God stops what you, went stops what you're not
recognizing and need to stop.
I'm like, yeah, sort of like a salt shaker falling from on
high onto your foot and breaking it with supernatural power.
I think that's how we get a lot of salt intake.
Yeah, I think if ever there was a sign from God, it was your
Christopher fall a ball with a salt shaker plummeting from the heavens and splitting your foot in half
So Durin is like
He had a party in the same place they had to
get me buddy did you go and we're among us like no
No, no music like you fucking liar the music's like
No music like you fucking liar the music's like lie
She's doing Felix the cat eyes like I like left right left right no no I wasn't yeah I spent my New Year's Eve. I'm doing like to run to Anne Ramon and I'm like whoa this is crazy
I spent my New Year's Eve at my friend
Come come
Come, Pakistan. You know, Kai?
com com com pagostino
Kai
getting great party
i mean i saw him i grant india ma la
well not him but his penis possibly i don't know something happened
and turned it this like who would go to that party where you know you can see him
only a low life would go there and the music's like
Ramona went there
Ramona went there like
music. Like Ramona went there. Ramona just like.
She Ramona just like has like a Christophal Saul Jake or in her inner. I can't just like do it now. Do I do it now?
Just just a fast.
She won't ever think. Kai.
You know Ramona is just a full. You know Ramona is just full of lies
when Ramona's quiet because Ramona is never
quiet Ramona talks through church like she is never quiet.
Well everyone's in crackers.
I don't think there's any crackers.
Don't think there's a cobs of bad view.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, but I can't have this communion wine.
Is it Pinot Grigio?
I don't think so.
Speak in the crackers.
It's like a cheese.
Okay, so Beth and Bethany and Carol.
Wait, Bethany. Bethany. Bethany. No, Bethany's in the car. I just wrote Beth car and that's what I write for Carol to you.
So Bethany was no, but Bethany just talked now. She's talking about the way I'm being right. She's like, well, you know what?
Like I'm like, I'm proud. I had one of the way I'm spits last big nights. Like we went out in Halloween. Like basically I'll take credit for it. Like I had one of the last nights. That was me. Me. And then they cut to her, you know what? I'm like, I'm proud. I had one of the Wands last big nights. Like we went out in Halloween. Like basically, I'll take credit for it. Like I had one of the last nights. That was me.
And then they cut to her, you know, being drunk, Diana in a car.
Yeah.
Like congratulations.
God, let's have a blind face night.
Yeah, let's pile on the abuse for the Wands this episode. They're like,
don't forget she was in black face. Let's bring that up. Let's bring that up
with Kevin right now.
He's like, yeah, this is great.
He's like, I want to kill this lady in my back seat.
So she said, you know, there's so many ways
that Lou Ankin handled it.
Like seriously, like literally, she could cry.
She could not cry.
She could sob.
She could not sob.
She could smile.
I mean, who knows?
Run around the block.
Not run around the block.
Go to a buffet.
Not go to a buffet.
I mean, I don't know.
She could laugh.
Yeah.
She could sing.
She could not sing. She could sit. She mean, I don't know. She could laugh, some of the way. Yeah. She could sing, she could not sing.
She could sit, she could stand, she could walk, she could run.
I mean, like, she's going to rehab for 20 days.
Like, what is that 20 days?
Like a Sandra Volk movie?
Like, is that enough?
Was that, she could go like hang out with some zombies now?
She could go like take over London right now.
Be like, I'm like, you're brains, like, literally.
Like, she's not gonna eat brains.
The wind.
She could eat brains.
I should make some brains. Gonna go for a seriously. Yeah. She could eat brains. I should drink the brain. It's gonna go right. Seriously.
Well, it'll be interesting to see her fresh and like never drink again.
And she starts like cracking up in the back seat with herself.
Yeah.
And then so now I wrote that carol and tinsley were talking.
But was it just did I get that wrong with since he talking to Dale still?
I wrote tinsley and Carolley were talking, but was it just, did I get that wrong? Was Tinsley talking to Dale still?
I wrote Tinsley and Carol.
Oh, so they must be telling me.
I know she was never talking to Dale.
I just wrote, I wrote Tinsley and her mom, but it was Carol.
It's just because I heard like an old voice on the other.
No, in my, oh, in my mind, I thought that she was also talking
Dale. I was fully late when I said,
I still stand by the fact that Dale was sitting there eating
real sister over talk. I mean, Dale was on that call too. I know that's why I
didn't kick Dale out of that scene. Yeah, no, I'm here for you.
Three way. Yeah, I was like go on Carol talk. I'm considering my
roster was I could see her fully dressed in like a pant suit like sitting
outside on a pool chair eating with the list of his chocolates.
Russell's over chargers listening listening to Carolyn Tinsley.
That was a good one, Carol.
That was a good joke.
So, yeah, so Carolyn Tinsley to talk about how Lou Ann
is here from the police.
And I love they're just like cracking up
about the fact that Lou Ann slipped out of her handcuffs.
Because that's what we're all thinking,
like how awesome, and hilarious is it,
that Lou Ann got out of her handcuffs.
And they show it again.
Her just like me like,
UGH!
I'm free!
I learned that one from El Jago.
My good friend!
Now it can over here so I can bite off your head.
Now excuse me, I believe there's a tunnel somewhere near here I have to climb into.
I'm going to Cuba!
So Carol's like, whoa, I was like, no way.
And then I saw the video of the arrangement.
Then they show the video and the judges like, listen, okay, I don't know if you're an alcoholic
but stop drinking.
And she's like, well, you know, I, and he goes, look, everything you can say can be this
against you.
So just don't talk.
And she's, oh, okay.
Okay, thank you.
Thanks for that.
I know I'm not supposed to talk. So just don't talk and she goes, oh, okay. Okay, thank you. Thanks for that.
I know I'm not supposed to talk, but what if I say three, two, one, I'm in court.
I'm in court.
I'm going to jail because I failed at my breathalyzer.
That's a high-pitched question.
Why do birds suddenly appear every time?
I am here
uh...
uh...
uh... that's night court night court
i had a comment
i had a comment there i'd made it i only have my stuff and tom to blaze
decastino
singer
frankle madly salt jaker dead
One o'clock two o'clock three o'clock rock four o'clock five o'clock six o'clock rock seven o'clock. Oh, let's just get to it
Jailhouse
I hate counting how many counts do I have? I have the countess.
It cuts back to Carol and she's like, so
Tinsley, weren't you at the same jail as Lewann?
It's like, yes! Conclub broke girl. Guess it was the same.
But it wasn't the same because I had a misdemeanor and she has four felonies.
Hey, by the way, are you going to that skinny jeans party?
I'm sorry. had a misdemeanor and she has four felonies. Hey, by the way, are you going to that skinny jeez party?
Oh,
Oh,
Oh,
Oh,
Oh,
Oh,
Oh, Oh,
Oh,
Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh,
Oh,
Oh,
Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh,
Oh,
Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, And Andrew and his like, say you guys can you get a jeans patty? I hope you guys know how to say it cause they
I'll be extra careful.
And Remonna's like, no, wasn't it?
And fight it.
And honestly, I don't think I would go anyway
cause I don't know.
Bethany was mean to me.
And I didn't like, they do a flashback
of her being, you don't support other women,
which is like really one of my favorite scenes
of all time now.
I said, I've been saying that all week long,
I'll be like at Sprouts
and I'll just be like walking by bananas like you don't split. I'm not on sale that you want.
I know. You don't support other women. Okay bananas. Okay. Okay.
So we get to see a clip of that again and it's hilarious and then Durinda's like, well, you know, we were in a good place until the nutcracker
Yeah, and now Durinda now Durinda has been riled up about this nutcracker thing
We're now she's like upset about it, but trying to act that she's not upset, but she's really upset
I mean she can't just say thank you. Thank you. It's been thank you. You know, but what was funny is oh, I guess it was later
Never mind.
I'll get to it later.
But either way, so-
I'm just kind of negativity in my life.
Okay, I don't need that.
I could be alone.
I'm like, you're-
What?
You hurt yourself with a salt shaker.
You cannot be alone.
Okay, we know what happens to you in your own.
You're stabbing yourself from a ham,
you're dropping like heavy salt shakers on yourself.
The last person that ever needs to be alone is you.
Okay.
Yeah, exactly.
Never mind it goes. What a bunch we all.
What a bunch. Okay. So then speaking of what a bunch they are, we then go to
Sonya. She is in basically it has not quarantined of like plastic drapes on her bed because her apartment's going through renovations,
but it looks like someone came in and is like,
okay, you have Ebola, so you just stay on your bed until we get this all sorted out.
Yes, it's like the boys in the Bible or whatever.
Yeah, she's in bed. It's like ET.
Yeah, it is.
So she's like, my god, I'm so allergic to all this does.
I'm going to be staying with TNC because I'm allergic to dust and my,
oh, I can't find my underwear, but that's okay.
Oh, three packs.
I've got three packs and then she's smelling her underwear and piling them up.
I'm just going through her bills and I just love that Sonia is like having a one woman show
in every scene that's her.
I know.
She doesn't even need her facialist to come in anymore.
She's just on that bed with a variety of random items
that she's either sniffing or touching.
I was like, this is literally a view of Sonia's a homeless
lady.
I am seeing her right now.
With these plastic things up, she looks like she's
in her own little tarp tent. And I'm not trying to be insensitive to the situation. But what I'm seeing right now, like with these plastic things up, she looks like she's in her, like her own little tarp tent, you know, and I'm not trying to be like insensitive to the situation, but like what I'm
seeing right now is I feel like I'm looking at a woman on the street just like rambling and going
through random like pieces of like trash, like that trash, but like, you're getting a look on the
inside of a tent city, you know, because she's literally in a like a plastic tent in her head.
She's in a plastic tent, like picking up random things, sniffing them, like,
inhaling, like,
giving yourself tinctures,
which I don't think that's necessarily,
like, a common, homeless thing to do.
But, like, you know,
like, she's like spring stuff in her mouth,
and like, it was just,
it was so good.
It's like, one woman showed the
Sunjina monologues.
Yeah, and so she's,
she's talking about how she reached out to Luann
and everything.
And she's like, you know, I know that Luann is a strong,
is a strong, and she's a proud woman.
I'm like just like me, Lou, proud dog.
So I got to wear a little staircase to get up on the bed.
I don't want her to think I'm sticking my nose in it.
But when she passes, I'm totally gonna blow her ashes
in someone's face
So you that right now It's how she sends everybody out and she has jury jury duties
Call what if what does it call?
Whatever you're all guilty
You're all guilty
So how I am that was that was actually such a funny moment. I just love that like Sony adjust this you know what
You're all guilty
Guilty of loving the first degree is that so wrong
Tawny like tawny never comes
So Bethany and care Bethany's in the car with Kevin. I wrote car again, damn it. So she's still in the car with Kevin.
This is Bethany's whole life, basically.
Bethany in the car with Kevin.
She's like, I got a weird feeling about tonight.
Like it's weird.
And he goes, weird good.
She's like, no, no, I'm settled.
Like, seriously?
Like literally, seriously, Carol, seriously.
Rough patch, like, no, no, no, no, no.
Like, Carol's might even come and come down.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. So now
Well before that though, we go to Ramona at the doctor's office and
How did I skip Ramona at the doctors? Oh, I don't know what a sin. I don't know. I don't know I I
Your man of mystery. I don't
Don't try to figure it out then. Okay. I don't like twin peaks. You just you just wait until it's over and you say that was good. And move on with your
day. So Ramona, who was furious at Bethany last week for implying that for saying like what? Yeah,
oh, you have to have a whole international. Okay. You have to have a whole
international. Now she actually literally has an
international. This entire scene was a hilarious hilarious information. So Ramona shows up at the doctor's office and she's
like, now that my divorce is final, I don't have to work. But
let's face it, enjoy working and I've always been entrepreneurial.
And I'm really excited to do my anti aging skincare,
ages by Ramona, okay?
People always say to me, you're reverse aging, like Benjamin Biden.
You can facelift a Botox to death, fillers, that, but it's about what you put on your face.
I'm like Ramona, you have like 10 facelifts.
Yeah Botox and fillers.
I mean, I'm glad that you're keeping it lead dead, but come on.
Soon, I'm gonna be working on a tugboat,
just like Benjamin Button.
I'll be like, two to two,
because everyone's gotta get away from my boat.
And I'm gonna be tugging along my old face
because I have anti-age to become younger.
Soon, Kate Blanche will be cradling me
like a little baby.
I should be like, whoa, you look great for your age.
Are you one year old?
I'll be like, no look great for your age are you one year old? I'll be like no I'm 63 okay
People are always saying if you take another dress from the dressing group not ever coming back on my talk show again
Okay, I guess what you can see that all you want
It's not gonna change the sampleness the quality of your skin, okay?
I've always been entrepreneurial a one-time was a little girl, I was like,
whoa, I want to have a lemonade stand. And I set up a little lemonade stand. Geraldine
parts Smith, she came up to me and she was like, whoa, you don't know what lemonade even
is. That's just water that you put yellow in. And I was like, no, it's not. She said, yes,
it is. And she knocked over all my lemonade. And to this day, I still can't listen to
be on Seiz album,. Sorrie. Sorrie.
Geraldine took a lemon off the tree and threw it at my head and it hurt.
But that's when I realized oh my god I don't look 10 years old.
I look 9 years old now.
So I realized citrus.
That's what I need.
Citrus.
To this day ever since Jonathan Parsonsmith threw a lemon at my head, I have trouble drinking
sprite. Can only drink half a bottle of sprite because it's the line half. I can't drink
the lemon half. So the doctor, she's like, I want to start with the serum that's hydrating.
Okay. When I was working with the doctors, I said, I've put a serum. It absorbs into your skin.
Look, it just melts right into your skin. I'm like, like lotion,
like lotion remona. Yeah. And the doctor was like, it's so light and so citrusy. It's just,
that's my scent. That's my scent. Smell me. Yeah, you smell it.
Because yeah, you smell like this. They have a flashback.
And there's a flashback of Tom saying, you smell like grapefruit, which is also like who says that to someone?
You smell like a wake watcher's breakfast.
I also have, I want to give props to Dr. Amy Lewis for rocking a really impressive
depromessing wig.
Like you really killed it.
Like you, you basically are grace out there.
Well done.
And then Ramona of course
now is giving herself propious just so you know I become a maven at whatever I'm interested in.
So for instance last night I was like I want to have a slice of cheesecake. I'm a cheesecake
maven now. Wow. I did it passionate about it. Not just passionate but I become like intelligent about it okay
I'm a maven of intelligence okay I'm a maven
cheesecake citrus cheesecake okay oh lemon ricotta cheesecake I'm a maven hashtag maven
Bethany was mean about my skincare but to be successful in, you can't look behind you or to your left or to your right or upstairs, downstairs, in a car outside of a car. You just say, you know what, Bethany, you don't support other women.
Okay.
You just follow the beeps and the beeps get louder and louder.
You stop and you start digging in the sand until you find the trinket. That's how you're successful. That's the direction you go in, okay? Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on
TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the
hosts of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity
feud from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions.
What deserve session with these feuds say about us?
We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and
Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows.
It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.
But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up any time soon.
Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood.
How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully
crafted narrative designed to sell albums?
Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts.
You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. Okay. Trusting on them.
In the car with Beth and Eve and Kevin. Um, so yeah, that's where I got a
weird feeling. I got a weird feeling. I'm just unsettled. Like I'm gonna see
Carol like we had a rough patch. Like I thought it was over a text to
there. I was like, oh my god. Like it's a holiday. You know, it's a lot of
like I was having to press. It's about to take a picture and I said, I miss you.
And then she said, that's a lot.
And I mean, well, that's a little Bethany goes, I texted, I said, I miss you.
You seem cold.
Like, um, how are you expecting a warm response when you choose someone?
Like, I miss you.
You're cold.
Like, you can't insult someone and then be like, let's be friends again Bethany, you got to work on that.
It's a work that way, okay.
She was right, that's not a lot, it's a little, okay?
And I said we got issues and she said,
I don't want to deal with that, we'll talk about it next year.
Okay, well it's next year.
Kevin's like, oh Jesus Christ, is it another fucking year
in the front seat of this car?
Yeah, exactly.
And then she's like, and I got this not quite
got situations renders, but I got mad at me about that.
I mean, like when I didn't say thank you enough,
and then actually they show a flashback of Bethany
being like, thank you so much.
Oh my God, oh my God, thank you so much.
You say like she was actually being super grateful.
Yeah, just not doing the party.
Yeah, just not doing the party.
It was when Durinda said that she could find it for her.
Yeah. So anyway, so Beth and Yerad's because she's she's showing up at her skinny girl gene event.
So she gets out of the car and then she's like trying to walk through pedestrians. I just love how she just doesn't know how to deal with people.
She's like, huh, wait, what? Right, huh? Wait, which way do I go?
Or she'll one of those like beeper things that Ramona has.
Wait, left, right? Huh? No, no, no. Side, side, side, shovel. Backwards, forward, back. Or she'll one of those like a deeper things that Ramona has wait left right no no side side shuffle backwards
Square dance and then one of her
What's the matter what's going on what's happening ladies? It's like
You look marvelous now look here people walk that skinny girl Ali, man
Skinny girl Ali, it's an ally made of me here's where people can see how good they look and the skinny girl change. Man, yeah.
And if you're too big, then you don't deserve to be in this party anyway.
You can't fit down.
Skid girl, Ali, it's way to weed them out.
Well, Sika is a little trouble.
You won that trouble, but like social media trouble, which I guess she's used to, but when
she said she was coming out with skinny girl jeans everyone was like, oh my god
How dare you fat shame her, you know, it's like the most inappropriate label to put on jeans and so she's very careful in this episode
I'm like, oh my god, we got size zero. We got size three thousandths like seriously. No one is too fat for my jeans, okay?
All right, let's write bring the fattest person you know here and we'll put them in checkings, okay? Yeah
Right, bring the fattest person you know here, and we'll put them in checkings, okay?
Yeah.
Hahaha.
So, Tinsley shows up and she's like trying to order a drink
from the bartender and she was like,
Uh, do you have any like, um, like, red wine?
No, white wine, no.
She's like, well, we have a leechie martini.
She's like, perfect.
I don't know why.
She's just like, very excited about that leachie martini.
She was like, oh my god.
And because Dale's just sitting there on the phone and be like, what do you say?
You could put it on speaker, I want to hear.
What do you say?
I'll tell you what, Tinslayer, that forest scum was right.
You never know what you're going to get.
What's that a hazel nut?
What's that a hazel nut in that chocolate?
Come on, I'm a broken potato, but they don't have wines. Was that a hazel nut? Was that a hazel nut in that chocolate?
Come on, I'm a broken potato, but they don't have wines, and I'm like a daffatino! Well, Dosa, don't get obsessed when he says he needs more time for himself, Tinsley.
Okay.
I am so disappointed.
Why? What did I do?
Not in you. I just have one of those chocolates that was just chocolate.
Who puts cherries?
Who puts cherries inside a chocolate-seized dough?
Strings like.
What is Mr. Stove going to realize that we need a guide on these chocolate boxes?
I don't want to have a surprise every time.
So then we get, and then Bethany comes up to her and she's like, oh my god, it's you,
it's you, it's you, it's you.
Oh my god, so you were out of town with your boyfriend?
That's great, did you get a ringette?
And she's like, no my god. So you were out of town with your boyfriend. That's great Did you get a ring yet? And she's like no just another diamond bracelet
To then Sonia arrives
She looks fully like
The like a white version of the lady in the beginning of little shop of ours
Who's like,
you know, when singing Skid Row, like, you know, that lady,
it's time to go, she's like, you know, lady walking with like the bags down the street, that scene.
It's like, so, you know, it's like, well, the alarm goes off at seven, it's time to rise.
Like, she can't, it's like well the alarm goes off at seven. It's time to rise like she can't let's like sing it chan
because it's baaabey i don't know i'm just like i'm doing the totally wang
the guy the guy who's working the buffet is like and then you go
skinny girl where the jeans are tight skinny girl where the drinks are light skinny girl
Where you're just helping Bethany grow
Down on skinny girl
Get row, okay, I'll tell you for that's where the skinny girl party is get row who goes there, okay?
They're like if I saw that woman homeless in front of singing in front of a building that's saying, you know what you need citrus, okay on your face
Rapids right um, so you show this, but at least she'll be young and homeless, okay
Have you noticed that that homestead looks younger and younger and younger
Anti-aging homestead
So, yeah comes in in like a fur patting tin bare hat. She really she just looks crazy
And she's like, oh
Jeff and Olive I'm not eating meat only vegetables. I'm like you're wearing a fur hat. Yeah, she just goes I'm vegan now
like like
It was just decided literally 30 seconds before
It was like an improv exercise where someone
like tapped her and she's like, okay, I'm vegan now. Great.
That you man are those vegetables. I'm vegan now. Oh, is that a falafel? I love falafel.
That's chickpea, right? And the guy goes garbanzo beans, which by the way, it's a chickpea
bean. It's the same thing. And she goes, oh, garbanzos. I eat those. And he's like, okay. And then, and she's like, well, though, she's like,
I think I make me gassy though.
So then, Sonia, she sees like a raw bar.
A bunch of like oysters. She's like,
oh, perfect. And she just starts eating them.
She goes, I mean, I'm vegan,
but I allow myself seafood because it's raw.
It's like the shrimp are cooked.
Yeah, like you're making Porsche Williams look good, okay.
How are you making Porsche Williams
like the authority here?
So then she starts taking the seaweed off the display.
And she goes, oh, that's a display.
Well, I had to eat the garnish.
It's a delicacy.
And then she just starts dancing while she's eating.
And the buffet guy starts dancing with her.
I was like, oh my god, that's for me at every wedding I ever go to alone.
So, um, Beth needs to start making a speech about who knows what. Like, oh my god,
Jeans, you know, you know, not like about jeans, they can wear them. They fit all people,
like jeans. Also, like DNA, that's pretty cool. You know, there's like DNA, DNA as in us,
and those jeans, jeans, jeans. Okay. Back girls, skinny girls, you know, any kind of girls,
like not really in between between but mostly like really fat
A really skinny like a look it feels very inclusive to me. That's what I love about yeah
We got like a guy up here, but like it's all about women like we have one guy all women like this for women
It's a woman thing. It's like okay. So then Dorenda like hobbles in she's now wearing a boot skinny girl boot and
From her salt shaker injuries, I'm like 15 black.
So, um, so they're all just now, they're all just like talking and gabbling and they're kind of all talking over
each other. And Sonia is talking to Tinsley and and
Durinda and she's talking to Tinsley about moving in
because she's going to be moving in because her
hats under construction and she's like, yeah, I got all
my life. My whole world is just on that four-post bed.
And I don't know if you caught this, but Drenda goes,
I can imagine what that can just sound. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. We're telling my dad Let's have this conversation once and move through it, okay?
Cuz I've been leaking about it a lot like quite you say thank you and friend it everyone
You should have said thank you. No sensitive about it
But now I didn't even want to see enough cracker again cuz it's been making me so crazy now
I'm seeing that crack cuz I'm very well
Yeah, it's Christmas, so I bet I bet his response is pretty much like yeah
Well remember that I not before Puerto Rico. I remember how you acted like a crazy person.
I still brought you to Puerto Rico.
How about that?
I was like, really?
I even talked about that.
Yeah, no, yeah, because that's what friends do.
I'm a good friend.
I'm a good friend.
I'm a good friend.
Okay, just remember that.
I took on a private plane.
She not only uses your bad men in Cigrens, she's like, rollsando.
She's like the movie jazz.
That's a good day.
She's a good day.
She's a good guy.
She's a good guy. She's a good guy. She's a good guy. She's a good guy. She's a good bad jaw. The wall again.
The window.
Yeah, she yeah,
Beth needs that jaws movie.
Just when you think it's
change to go back in the
water.
Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.
Shout shake.
I get lost the leg.
It comes off and takes
up to sell shaker.
I like how she calls it that
jaws movie like, no, I forgot. It's that movie about the jaws whatever it's called jaws
Bethany's like yeah, but why did you talk about my back? Okay, like if Bethany she's coming ready to apologize
But then once somebody is nice about it. She's like okay. I'll yell at you then like if you're not gonna
If you're not gonna turn it on me then I'll turn it on you
So now she's like well, why'd you talk about behind my back like why can't you just say it to my face like seriously?
And she goes well, you know
It's just because like I thought it was okay
But then Carol came up and said I can't believe she didn't thank you and the music goes
And Bethy does like that thing where if you like spritz a cat with water the cat
She drops a ball of yarn and runs under it counts.
By the way, I can't stand the...
Why did you talk about Bahamut back?
You guys all talk about everything behind each other's back.
You know, sometimes you just can't talk about everything
to someone's face right at that moment.
Okay, someone says something.
It bothers you and then you think, hmm,
I feel like I should talk to Bethany about this,
but maybe I'll talk, let me check in with someone so I think
that maybe I'm overreacting like sometimes in life
You just wind up talking behind someone's back and it's not a thing. It just happens. So like don't try to like
Daryl at this point. So anyways, that's her argument too later in the episode with Carol
She's like what what I have to say everything to your face like seriously exactly
Exactly so yeah, but Darynde basically is look
She can't throw Carol under the bus when she's like well Carol's the one who said, well, well, what the hell?
She didn't even thank you. So Bethany is like, so Bethany is like, like, well, you know, that's classic Durinda, okay?
She always is like, if she can throw someone under the bus, she will, okay?
She will. And then two seconds later, Bethany is like, well, I heard it.
You were Superman because Ramona said that you were like, inconsolable about it.
And like, you just threw Ramona onto the bus,
the way they're into through Carol
and to the bus.
What are you talking about, Bethany?
Well, Ramona has no right to use my voice to say how I feel.
And Ramona's very upset with you, okay?
And so she's using it to buy a line.
You see what she's doing?
You see what she's doing?
I'm about to say.
All right, look, you saved Christmas and that's the truth.
Okay, so can we just talk now?
Can we just talk? Yeah, Christmas, Sabre. Well, oh, Christmas, look, you saved Christmas and that's the truth. Okay, so can we just hug now? Can we just hug?
Yay, Christmas, Sabre.
Whoa, Christmas, yay, you saved Christmas.
Yeah, kids are getting presents now, okay, Jorinda?
Can we hug?
Yeah.
Do you get me your like mate, Selkshake, please?
So then this hot bartender, but he's like hot with ski-vie.
He starts hitting on Sonya and he's like bringing he's bringing drink to Sonya and Tinzley and
You know it's like a typical Sonya being like oh, I'm single right now. I'm single. Let me flick my hair. I'm single
I'm sickle be your young your young
Yeah, you know and he's like too lazy to even make a man button. He's got like a
man like
I don't know how to pile yeah yeah like a ribbon it's tied like one of those
ribbons that you wear for like breast cancer aids or whatever like that little ribbon shape I'm
like lazy yeah so during the intense that you're talking about Luan and during this thing I'm
not gonna say this all coming but you know you open the cabinet boom it's on your foot
you know you open the cabinet and boom it's on your foot.
Lou, you know what Lou does? She goes back to the crime scene.
She's a crime scene goa.
Is that a thing?
A crime scene goa?
She goes, she's a crime scene goa.
Yeah, she goes, she's a return to the crime scene goa.
You know those people who are arsenics?
It's like what?
I think you mean arsonists.
I don't know what she's talking.
I was trying to figure out what she's talking about.
Yeah, the elderly, you know, when people wear old lace,
you know, our snakes in old lace.
Yesterday, they go crime scene.
They like, return to the crime scene, go.
I like how she just like, I like how she creates
a new category of person, like in a very indelicate way.
It's like, you know those people who love making left turns.
Yeah, left turn people makers. Yeah. That's what they're called.
Why would you return to your left turn? Go to the breakers. And turns, he's like, well, I
think she might know the place she was okay, but then she got so drunk and it was okay.
And Palm Beach is the smallest place on earth. And she's coming in and I'm as man as
a woman. When Dinsy said, Palm Beach is one of the smallest places on this earth.
I was like, okay, Tinsy just will act, okay?
It's like, it has an airport, all right.
So what are you getting?
And I guess now be a really good time to mention
that we're bringing,
watch or crap, and it's to Palm Beach.
So yes, I guess you could say
that we're Climbed Team Goers too.
West Palm Beach, I'm very excited. I think we are actually, I guess you could say that we're climbs and goers to West Palm Beach. I'm
I think we are actually I think our
I think the comedy club is in Palm Beach. It's in West
Palm Beach Improv and you know how I'm gonna find out. I'm gonna go right now to watch what crappens
I'm looking right now Palm Beach Improv. Let's see Well, it says it's you're right. It's West Palm. That's right. I wouldn't be going to Palm Beach. What am I monster?
How how can I be so silly to think that we'd be in Palm Beach, but we know we are gonna go to Palm Beach. We are gonna take a we're gonna
Take the Luan Tinsley tour of Palm Beach when across that bridge. Yeah, we're gonna be there in all
guests. Everyone. So if you want to come and relive, recreate
via crime scene, rego or recapture with us, go to watch work.com
and get tickets. So Bethany comes over and Brenda's like, look,
how many of us are having that night? Well, we can we wake up
like, what did I do? And Bethany goes, yeah, you did it,
Tennessee, like you did it. And Tennessee's like, we wake up like, what did I do? And Bethany goes, yeah, you did it, Timsey. Like, you did it.
And Timsey's like, there is a difference.
She hit a cop and she slipped out of handcuffs.
And Beth's like, oh my God, I love that.
That's amazing.
Yeah, everyone's just like obsessed with the fact
that Luanne got out of her handcuffs.
I love that, like, the listeners are obsessed
and her cast members are obsessed with it.
That, like, that is hilarious.
That is the funniest shit I've ever heard.
Yeah, she's a magical.
Probably the only one who wasn't,
well, no, I was gonna say,
she already laughed about it never mind.
I was gonna say Carol probably wasn't.
Carol was probably like,
that's not nice to the handcuffs.
But Carol laughed about it anyway.
So I take it back.
My musings from inside my head.
This is what goes on inside my head, right here.
This is what you're all seeing.
You're, you're, um, you're crime scene goers in my own brain. Your brain
is in the scene of the Yosniics. Yeah.
So Sonia is flirting with the young guy again. And just you know embarrassing herself vegans. I don't know animals. for. You know, she's like, do you even have a drive for silence? Are you 26? Have you ever slept in a bed with with
plastic around it? Do you know what's like to be under quarantine
in Santa Pei?
She's talking to Bethany and she's basically, oh my god, you are
my inspiration. He inspires so many my God, you are my inspiration.
You inspire so many women to, you know,
just lose weight or whatever.
I'm gonna fuck that guy.
And Bethany's like, I think he's my life partner.
Which, you know, means Bethany's strong
because she's like having fun and being part of it.
Yeah, because Bethany's like, seriously, thank you all
for coming, like seriously, seriously, seriously.
Thank you for coming, thank you for coming,
seriously, thank you for coming.
I was like, okay, she's wasted.
She's being nice to them. I like, I like, I like Sonya being like, you are
such an inspiration to me. Now I know exactly what to do to never have to yell at me on a couch.
Again, in my life, I've learned, I've inspired by that. By the way, my browser is still on watchwitcraftpans.com
and the first picture is me looking like a sea otter catching a fish in the air
So closing that now, okay, so Caroline and Caroline Carol said and Beth are having and Bethany are having lunch together and Carol
He shows up. Yeah, Carol shows up with her beats around her neck. She's like
I'm young 99% and then Bethany shows up like a Yeti detective. Okay,
she has like a little like I was she wearing sunglasses, I think a little
hat, like a little detective hat. And then this big old like Yeti Jack,
like monsters that like a white version of the monsters
ink monster.
And Carol's like, you like the ampam and the most no man.
I'm just like that huh?
Yeah, it's like monsters.
I'm like monsters ink like if I'm gonna be a monster it's gonna be somebody with an ink.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm gonna be a monster ink.
Yeah.
Senior VP of monster ink.
Okay.
Like the way I was so drunk last night I woke up my hair pieces were in backup tattoo
chips which is hilarious.
I mean like that's how I know I was drunk because I was lost
on my head of a Tato chip huh?
She needs a bloody Mary pleats she's still hung over from last night.
I was like okay, Judgey.
Charger beats.
So Beth is like oh my god.
Good headphones.
Deletion was on, okay you don't support Bose headphones, okay
You don't support good audio
All I told the wind all she should have done was had some citrus on her face
So Carol's like oh my god the story sounds amazing
My favorite part was the handcuffs in my mind. She escaped and she's running across the lawn screaming
I'm gonna kill you on me we're laughing, but I'm a dissolarious. I'll keep laughing
So yeah upset with me like what's going on? I?
Love how Carol ordered this to she goes yeah, I'm bread and the cucumber
I miss that Carol ordered this to you. She goes, yeah. Um, Brad and the cucumber.
I missed that.
Brad and a cucumber. Delicious. Carol.
Yeah. So yeah, Bethany's like, yeah, all right.
Well, that was fun. What's going on? Huh?
You upset with me?
What's happening?
Circus.
I'm out of Carol says she's basically like, well, you know,
with our friendship, like this summer, there was like a new
aggressive, dismissive vibe.
I'm like, Carol, are you just becoming friends with Bethany?
Like, how have you only now found that vibe with Bethany?
That's how she, like, that's her love language
to be dismissive and aggressive.
Yeah, well, it's like you turn on the sprinklers every night,
but then you stand in front of one
and you get mad at the sprinkler.
Like, bitch, you're the one who's turned the sprinklers on.
You've been turning those sprinklers on for years now and
you've been fine with them.
Really a perfect analogy.
It's a seal.
That's Carol's broken up in a sprinkler or if you just turn out the Carol hose it just goes Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa So Carol base is like, well, I heard that you were annoyed with Adam and I wanted to talk to you about in the book years
But then all you want to talk about was how our friendship shift is a friendship shift and I didn't get to talk about Adam
And they're like going back and forth about this Adam stuff and my favorite part about this
Was then on the bottom of the screen,
a Jurassic World promo popped up. Did you see this?
Like a, like a Tyrannosaurus Rex and a Velossupper, like,
I was like, that is so perfect for right now.
Carol and Bethany and then these two dinosaurs are coming at us.
Like, what is the scariest part? What is the scariest thing on the screen right now?
I'll tell you one thing, it's not the T-Rex.
Oh yeah.
Oh.
The other one has a cucumber and some toast.
I'm like, I know.
So Beth needs apologizing because she did call Carol
and really shit talk Adam, but she did that
because she thought they were broken up.
So it's kind of her way of helping being like, yeah, she's an asshole.
Yeah, and she and by the way, she said she's not upset at all about Carol's contributions to
retraction. I don't care about that. I don't care about that, but like you said, she bases like,
you know, I like, I actually like Adam, but you know what? I was like, I, he, he,
but he said it rub me the wrong way and I called you up and I talked a lot of shit because I thought
you guys were totally broken up. So I thought thought like I was able to do that and be okay
And then he carol's like but it wouldn't have been no cake anyway, and she's like no, I know and she goes
She goes listen, I question his motive sometimes. That's my prerogative. I you know is my bad
And she actually is like fully like no, I should not have I I talked too much
I I missed judge the situation is basically what she's saying
But she keeps saying I'm allowed. I'm allowed. Okay. Like I'm allowed to say that.
And so, Carol, she goes, but look Carol, I love you. Like seriously, like it's Christmas and I texted you and I sent a picture of us.
And I said, you know, like I miss you. And then you said, it's a lot. And she goes, you said that's what happened.
That's not what actually happened. So what happened?
And then Carol just kind of rolls her eyes
Kissy Bethany's like, uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like commercial
So we come back she's like, and also I just want to say before going down this path a little bit that
that
Carol says that she doesn't like that Bethany saw as saw Adams actions in a negative light. What what?
she doesn't
Because Bethany says that the way Adam acted that it ruptured the wrong way and, what, she doesn't, because Bethany says that the way Adam acted
that it erupted the wrong way.
And Carol says that she doesn't like that Bethany
thought that Adam's actions saw Adam's actions
in a negative light and then talked to everyone else about it.
So she hasn't, she feels like Bethany Wayne.
Just like, yeah, I'm heard and talked to you about Adam
to everyone.
Mm-hmm.
And she's like, well, I got to LA and I opened my phone
and you've got all these texts and you're like, why aren you mad and we're about as a terrible person and all this.
And I said, this is not a conversation for texts. And then you just kept texting and texting and texting.
Which is so best. And he's like, what? I just said, I love you. And it's like, of course she didn't, she called. Yeah.
And it's like 10 pages of text just ranting like a crazy person.
she didn't, she called. Yeah.
And it's like 10 pages of text just
ranting like a crazy person.
I love that she just like annoyed the fuck out of Carol.
Like, like, her carol's like, she's like,
well, like, what's going on?
I miss you.
And then she's just like,
ranting about remodeling.
Carol's like, I, I, I, can we just like talk about this?
We get back to you.
I can't right now.
And then the, the Betty just kept on texting her.
And then I like, her goes, she had no respect
for what I just said.
I'm like, well, okay, well, yeah, I guess she didn't because you said, can we talk about this
later, but like, you know, if someone keeps texting you up, you say, I can't talk right
now.
You just be like, they're being annoying.
Don't be like, they have no respect for me and for my bound.
He's like, okay, Carol, yeah, calm down over there.
She's like, I'm going to write an article about this and fog.
Or whatever.
So now Carol's, now Carol starts saying that she's mad that Bethany said that she looks
sad. When, when Carol looked Bethany's, uh, Christmas party, when Bethany was like, she
looks sad.
So Carol's like, I didn't like that.
And Carol's like, I would, I would never tell Ramona that you look sad about your breakup
with Dennis.
I'm like like even though you
But you did
Sorry, I'm getting twisted my own logic. She's saying if it were me
I would never be like oh you look sad
You look sad. I'm like but when you walked out the party with the Rinda you were like wow she didn't thank you
I'm like so you would do something like that. Yeah, they're all hypocrites and I love it and I'm like
I'm not allowed to say that what do I have a gag order? Like
seriously? Like I can't talk about you. I just said, look, say it.
Like, say it. Oh, we love this.
That's me with the gag order. Yeah, good luck. She still she'd still be like,
the gag would give up. Like, I can't like you guys can't hear it because I'm
covering it. But like my ear that's in her mouth is like, I can't hear any more of this shit.
Breaking news, New York City, a gag has killed itself.
A gag jumped out of someone's mouth and into traffic.
And it was run over by Kelly Bensonon.
Who is friends with Julie, or Gwyneth Paltrow?
Yeah.
So, Carol, basically, Carol doesn't like that Bethany has been gossipy.
That's what it really boils down to.
She feels like Bethany has been talking behind her back about Adam, and now she's talking about Ramona,
and she just feels like Bethany is super gossipy, and that's the issue.
Yeah, she didn't even know they had a problem, so she heard about it from everybody else, which is true. But here is also where I switch sides.
It's like it happens every week. I'm not really sides because I think they're both assholes, but
now I'm like, okay, Carol enough, like shut up, like her blog the week that this came out came out
the day either the day before the show aired or the day of the show. And it's just another
like rant against Bethany. It's like, okay, you're overplaying your hand, ma'am. Okay. Nothing
that's happened is this bad. Yeah, it's weird because I feel like Bethany actually stated
her case really well. And I'm like, you know, what Bethany is saying is like, she did say,
you know what, she seems sad. And she also was, she was like very upfront about that whole
conversation. She had about Adam and everything.
But then where Bethany lost me is that she made it sound like she sent three lines of text
and then Carol was like, no, she was texting this, this, and this, and this.
And I was just like, this is too big of a conversation.
We'll talk when we get back in New York.
So Bethany is leaving out information, which is not cool.
But then again, Carol, it's like like, why did you just call her?
Like, why did you, and I think that's,
that's like part of the issue is that there probably
was a time where Carol would have called
and they would have talked, and then Carol
doesn't call her now.
So that's why Bethany is acting crazy.
And Carol's like, should we hug it out?
I'm not really a huger.
Well, Bethany goes, well, but the baiting,
you're Bethany, you're like, Carol, everything you do is the debate. You're always debating, it's like Bethany goes with the baiting you're Bethany
He's like Carol
Everything you do is the debate you're always debating it's like you're checking boxes like you win Carol
Yeah, you win you win. Okay. You just you win. Yeah. You got it. You got it. She's like no
That's what you're doing Bethany, which is funny because that's a good debate, but
And the bed is like
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't I I can't. I'm kind of like, I don't want any of the power.
I'm like, it's like, oh my God.
And then Bethany goes, it's like, it's like you're just being so critical.
You're so critical.
You're so critical.
I'm like, do you remember that you reamed out Ramona last episode?
Do you remember Miss, like, like Bethany is not critical.
Yeah, do you remember every talking head you've done, like even in this episode?
Yeah, so she pulls out a loss inch.
That's how you can tell that Bethany is like now
like rendered powerless. You have to pull out a loss.
Yeah, that's well. Yeah. So my throat. Sorry, here's the wrong
loss in voice. No, that was Bethany's voice when she needs a
loss. Okay, that's much better. Listen, I'm sorry, I'm
going to apologize to you. I'll apologize to Adam. I apologize
that if everyone, I apologize to sweet it. I apologize to
the loss and apologize to Yeti. I'm gonna. I'll apologize to you. I'll apologize to Adam. I apologize to everyone. I apologize to sweet it. I apologize to the Lossinger. I apologize to Yeti. Why kill to get this jacket?
All right. I'll just sit here peacefully.
Suck this last one to watch you eat bread and cucumber, okay?
And so they talk about hugging and she's like, I'm not really a hugger. She just you've hugged me before.
Okay, well, I talk you win again, Bethany.
Yeah, so they have like a fake
Resoluteging resolution moment.
So now we go to Sonia's,
oh, to Sonia moving into Tinsley's hotel apartment.
So good. So Sonia is thrilled because this is like the lap of modern luxury.
It's not like the whole broke down left over luxury from days of year.
It's like this new luxury thing and she's like
Tim's like no one is gonna call me a bad friend again
Louis Vuitton
He's like oh my god a Louis
Yeah, yeah, just listen listening. Somebody stayed on my yacht once and they gave me a Louis Vuitton
and it has hand painted and it was a fake
and I tried to return it.
I was like, I'd like to return this Louis Vuitton
to the Louis Vuitton store.
They wouldn't take my Louis Vuitton.
And that's when I got my first headshot.
Not headshot, what on the top of my headshot?
Yeah, so Tinsley was like, she's like, okay, here are the rules.
When you stay with Tinsley, there are no rules. Actually, this
one rule you can't actually stay with me. You're going in a
different room. You got the pen house. This was so good that
she rented a whole penthouse to not have somebody in her
house. I mean, that is prices. So, you're like, who can say no to a pent house? It's not plastic for
ever the bed just in case there's mics. Yeah, even actually she still managed to complain
a little bit because she's like, well, it's bittersweet because I was really looking
forward to having a slumber party. I was like, you have a penthouse in Tinsley's hotel apartment, okay? Like just take it.
And you got Louis Vuitton bag for free. Well, she's having. Tinsley made up her. Tinsley finally made
up for it. Sonia was happy as a clam at a robber being by again. Yeah, she really was. So Dorenda
goes to the park and she's like getting her phone up to her face and looks like it's gonna be for her face time
But then Leigh Wank calls and she's like you can't be doing an Easter
That's what I like to call Durinda Lebench
This is more shocking. He made for me was more shocking than a giant South-Sake of falling and breaking my eyes at foot
That's gonna sequel in misery called salty.
Well, I can hardly believe it, first of all.
He was the plan.
I was invited to a wedding in Chile,
and I figured I would fly into Palm Beach
and just stay with a friend,
and then go see my family in Jupiter.
And then, well, it didn't happen like that.
Turns out El Chavo already flew out, flew down to Chile.
Took my spot and I was like, well, what am I going to do?
We just go sit around here and bomb each and drink.
Guess what?
Option B.
Oh, then I go to lunch and I sit in the same seats
where I had lunch with Tom.
And then I wouldn't have cocktails with the place
we loved having vodka martinis and I had vodka martinis.
And then I ended up in the hotel.
We had a wedding lunch and why did I do that? Then I went to a shoe store where I sat down and I was like hey I
remember sitting in this exact space to try and some crocs with Tom. There was a crosswalk we
wouldn't wait for the light to blink and I walked across crosswalk without waiting for the light to
blink. Why? I went into a yogurt land, the same yogurt land that Tom and I used to go into. I used the exact same nozzle to pull the exact same flavor that I always get a yogurt land.
The same one with Tom. Why? Why? I watched friends on the plane. That's what I did with Tom. Why would I do that?
I sat on the aisle. I always sat on the aisle. Why? I left on my sat on the aisle with Tom. Why? Why?
Not to mention the aisle. Oh.
We went to David, I went to David Buster's by myself.
I did ski ball. I always did ski ball with Tom.
Why would I do that? What a mistake.
So she goes, so Durand does like,
well, because it lewans like, oh, all these emotions.
They just came flooding back. Too much really handled.
And Durand is like, don't ever go back to Palm Beach.
That is not a vacation destination for you anymore.
No more Palm Beach.
What about West Palm?
No!
Well, I was trying to drink out of,
drink out the emotions, you know?
I knew I needed help and I hid them all.
I wish it hadn't been a brick wall.
What am I the Kool-Aid man? Three, two, one is a brick. Wall. I hit my head hard. On the brick wall,
Kool-Aid. Brick. Wall. And then before you knew it, the piano man switched into a montage we
hadn't even practiced. Bad boys, bad boys.
What you gonna do when they come for you, eh?
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna slip out of my handcuffs and sing.
Three, two, one,
El Nuts Krakow, Nuts Krakow, Nuts Krakow, Nuts Krakow.
Did you notice Dorenda's iPhone?
She had, so she, you know, she's talking to Lewand, so it has her contact. You know,
like when you call someone on an iPhone, at the top, it'll say like, it'll say like Ronnie
Karam. But if I have like two entries, contact entries for you, let's say I have one that
says like Ronnie Karam and one that says like, um, flip it, you know, from TV Gasm. If you call me it would say Ronnie Carram or flip it. So on
hers it said, Luana De La Seps or LaWanne and Nana De La Salsa. I didn't like
couldn't even fit on the screen. It's it said L, U, A, N, N, N, A, D, E, S, S, S, like
one word. Like clearly the first time that they're into Everett the Wann.
She just mashed in these letters, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that
fun girl I made her probably the countess.
Like, she could've used the-
I didn't use the man, yeah.
There's a sound shake you're filming film in the fucking winter space bars.
Well, I hope that's not her ice contact.
They'd be like, what the fuck is this?
You're very...
Yes, yes, yes.
Hey, my foot's turning black.
Call me, you're never, never, never.
Like, what?
Let me tell you something. Now that I'm a jailbird who's
Learned the coup now and rehab and try to avoid all these armies and these 28 days where I'm here
I have to say it was a part the hard thing was calling my children and being like no tack out Tuesday this week
I'm in jail and then I had to call my mom and
My mom hasn't been this disappointed since I did a news a news story and a big lots parking lot
I'll tell you this is rock bottom you can't get worse than being arrested. This is rock bottom
I'm like mmm. You can get a lot worse than being arrested probably
Yeah, give it time honey. Give it time. So she's like well, I'm reconnecting. I'm reconnecting with my soul.
And the wind is like, that sounds good.
I wanna come.
It's like, you'll get your chance.
Oh, you certainly will.
You certainly will.
She's like, well, you do have to get arrested first.
I think three munch-shots is enough of this group.
Who's the third munch-shot?
Sonya.
Oh, I forgot Sonya got arrested. Yeah, I thought you just mentioned it. I did. Oh, I forgot. Sonia got arrested.
I thought you just mentioned it. I actually have forgotten too until you I thought you
had mentioned it just before. Yes, Sonia has a monk shot. Oh, I forgot. I forgot and I
just mentioned it. I mean, that's pretty sad. Well, you know, it It was a Louis Vuitton incident. I got
leprosy from a fake Louis Vuitton vendor. It had to be
in quarantine on my bed. Oh, yeah, that was just kidding
mention. I didn't know Suni had a mic shot. I love it. I
think it's from the do you are I think I don't know you
can look it up. It's a very pretty big shot. This so. Okay,
everybody, we are done with this episode. And now we're done. I know we're done
Don't go forget don't forget to go buy your t-shirts. Well, that's what crap is calm
That's also we can get tickets for upcoming shows and feedings in San Francisco this month
They're gonna be a ball
A big ball will school. I'm sure we'll be singing some songs like three two one
We're in Phoenix and going to San Francisco
Where I left my heart
Everybody will talk to you next time
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