Watch What Crappens - RHONY: Uncool Runnings

Episode Date: April 13, 2018

Turn down your Countess Pandora station: we've got a brand new recap of the latest "Real Housewives of New York" episode. Carole runs her marathon, Bethenny barks at underlings, and LuAnn rem...inds us that Queen Latifah isn't REALLY a queen. In other words, it's spectacular TV. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,
Starting point is 00:00:18 or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap-ins would like to think it's premium sponsors! Christy Wowardity, dowity! Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the bird! Jessayon, okay! Shannon out of a cannon, Anthony! And our super premium Patreon subscribers, Kelly Grant, the Grant Master, give them whole, miss no Hey everyone, welcome to Watch Our Crappens ends a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch
Starting point is 00:01:28 I'm Ben Mandelker from beside blog calm and the band to blend the podcast and Joining me on this magnificent Thursday is the one the only the incomparable Ronnie Keram from trash talk TVcom and the Rose Prick's Bachelor podcast. What is up Ronnie? Well hello, man. How are you? How's it going? Doing so great. I had a nightmare that you were mean to me. No. I don't want to get weird nightmare, but you weren't even really mean. I just woke up. I was like, why is he mean? Because you know how I'm really paranoid about stuff.
Starting point is 00:02:07 I said, hey, do you want to come meet out? And you're like, no, I'm really busy. And then you were at the same place I was. And I was like, that is so rude. That was my whole dream. And then that's such a obnoxious move on my part. That's like my dream to do that to someone. You better not to me.
Starting point is 00:02:23 I woke up really bothered. And then the rest of my dream is that I left my cell phone at the bar and I couldn't find it. And I spent, I swear to you, the whole night looking around the bar. That's what I dream about. I either get lost or I can't find something. And I spend the whole night looking for something. I mean, it's so on the nose. But there you go. I'm still having those dreams. So any therapists feel free to write us. I had a dream that I Is such a stupid dream. I had a dream that I took a flight to China, but for some reason we had to land in the Philippines Oh my god, I hope you're not psychic because malls is flying to Japan today
Starting point is 00:03:01 And I hope she doesn't have to land somewhere crazy. I mean I know China and Japan are different places you guys but still I order from them from the same section on eat 24 so whatever. You guys it's clearly we're clearly fraught with emotions pertaining to losing cell phones and losing our way to the east but believe it it or not, there are more important things about what's happening in our young, young, you know, universes. So a few things at the top of the show here. Hi, hello, welcome to the podcast.
Starting point is 00:03:35 We are doing a live show this Sunday at the improv of Irvine, California, also known as the Irvine improv. It's over at the Irvine spectrum. There's a Dave and Busters there guys, so it's like a little bit of everything for everyone. Taco Bell is coming, okay. In honor of all things Taco Bell on Bravo lately, Taco Bell is going to be there with a Taco truck, free tacos, as long as supplies last, they're going to be doing some giveaways. We all love some Taco Bell swag, right?
Starting point is 00:04:06 And of course, we'll be there. And we're going to be talking about the real house as of Orange County Classic episode from season four, the Naked Wasted Dinner Party. So we are going to have a spectacular time. And I think it's really important for people to come to this because if you don't come, you're just going to be seeing photos on social media of Coachella,
Starting point is 00:04:25 and no one wants to see that. So counter the Coachella madness by coming to Crapchella. All right everyone, it's Crapchella on Sunday. Crapchella. Beyonce's coming, she's coming in from the desert, so there's that. Also, my new thing to be harping on, wait, harping on about. Is my cousin, Jenna, her, I want to call
Starting point is 00:04:47 him cousin Reed because he's married to Jenna, but that makes it sound like inbred. So I'm just going to say cousin Reed, okay? Yeah. Jenna's husband Reed is on the voice and he is fucking killing it. He's going to get to come back out here and do the live shows soon. So I'm so excited for him. He's number two in rock today, which is amazing. Wow. Isn't that fucking crazy? Does he have his own cell? soon. So I'm so excited for him. He's number two in rock today, which is amazing.
Starting point is 00:05:05 Isn't that fucking crazy? He has his own Pandora station yet though just asking. So here's the thing. He will, girl. So go, his name is Reed. I'm stat on the voice. Go download his stuff. It's amazing. He's got like a blue grass rock, kind of Adam LeBienisch, kind of voice, just singing all sorts of crap. He's amazing. I cried when I went to see it, and you know, that doesn't happen a lot. So, the takeaway here is that there is a crap ins slash voice crossover situation here that you have to support.
Starting point is 00:05:37 Read actually was helping sell our merch at our San Francisco show. So this is someone who is actively involved in the watcher crappin's experience. So please go to the voice or watch it. Just like it's a weird last name. It's um statita. Yeah. You am I don't know. So if you're German, you know, just just put in R E I D you and then something should come up. Just look up read our EID from the voice. That's Ronnie's cousin's husband and I love him. He's really really sweet and he actually would have been at the Houston show, but he was under the weather. So
Starting point is 00:06:16 but hopefully back in a new show sometime soon and by the way we have plenty of shows and if you're if you can't come to Irvine We have plenty so go to watch our crarapins.com to get tickets for that. Here's the other thing I want to mention, because people are tweeting at us a lot about this. And I think that people are not always aware, because people tune into different episodes. We are covering real housewives of Potomac.
Starting point is 00:06:41 But because the Bravo schedule has been so Intensely it's been relegated temporarily to the bonus episode because we just don't have time on our main episodes to talk about Potomac, but we are totally in support of the new season. I think it's hilarious We are covering it and Furthermore for those people who are like whatever happened to your summer house coverage Last week on the bonus episode we covered the reunion and sort of touched on the finale. So just go to patreon.com slash watch where crap ends. If you want to get that coverage, do not fear, we are still addressing Potomac. It'll make its way up to the main show. And if you see people tweeting about it or being like, where's Potomac? Feel free just to tweet at them
Starting point is 00:07:24 and say, hey, just go to the bonus episodes. Yeah. Okay. So now, Real Housewives of New York City. My goodness. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, that's my impersonation of the theme of the beginning. What a show.
Starting point is 00:07:40 We don't deserve this show. We are not necessarily this show. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has been a pain in our ass. Yeah. Real Housewives of Orange County did not have it strong as season. We do deserve this show. Okay. We deserve the deliciousness that's coming to us now.
Starting point is 00:07:56 You know what? You're right. We do deserve it. We do deserve it. But it is so magnificent. This is just a wonderful, wonderful show. This is everyone on the other Housewives shows take notes. This is just a wonderful, wonderful show. This is everyone on the other housewives shows take notes. This is how it's done. This is how you do a housewives show because real
Starting point is 00:08:11 housewives in New York is only two episodes in and it's already just hilarious and wonderful. It sure is. And you know, Carol asks us important things. This is where, you know, we watch these shows because we love privilege. You know, we'd like watching rich people like thinks stupid stuff is really important. That's a fun event. So when Carol starts off from last week when she was going, what better goal is there than running a marathon? I don't know, but you know, four people can answer that in so many different ways. Yes. You know, getting a job, paying water bill. I'm going to meet there's so many more goals. Having your child go to college, graduating college, graduating
Starting point is 00:08:51 high school. I don't know staying alive. What better goal is there than running a marathon? I can lose 30. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I would agree. So Carol. So the episode quiet rides a bill. So the episode begins with the customary shots of different apartments. And we start, we see something, a flash of Bethany at her apartment. She's like, what the hell? What's going on? What is this? She's like opening up a gift.
Starting point is 00:09:20 A paper like, what's going on? Oh my god, Durinda. Of course she does. Durinda. I love the box. Oh my god, Durinda's like of course does I got a lot of the box. I'm a god. There's no cards so Durinda. I'm so obsessed. Oh my god. Yeah, it can only get one person I got a lot of my god. Who is that? Someone is the door. Oh my god. Let me tell me now like my walls up my doors My doors close my walls up. Okay, you know what? Every time they show Bethany this episode It's a really long opening of Bethany just talking to herself
Starting point is 00:09:41 Which is hilarious because I love that she talks to herself like she talks to everybody else She's like my god. What is this paper? Like what is this? What to herself. What is hilarious? Because I love that she talks to herself, like she talks to everybody else. She's like, oh my god, what is this? Paper? Like, what is this? What is this? It's a play. It's a play. Only one person. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:09:52 It's a Rinda. Oh my god. The door's knocking. Like, she's just narrating her own life in her Woody Allen crazy way. It's like she's just having her own so-credic dialogue. She's just going, like, just questioning the world around her
Starting point is 00:10:02 at all moments. What's it's present? It's present, but no card. And that's not filled out. OK, it's probably, but no card. No, it's not filled out. Okay, it's probably Duranda, you know what? That's okay, you know what? She doesn't have to fill it out. She doesn't have to fill it out because you know what?
Starting point is 00:10:10 The gift is the fill it out part, okay? Duranda's the card, right? Duranda's the card, okay? It's like homework, okay? You know what, I got a hall and I got a dormant named Mark. Okay, I got a homework, okay? So then we skip over to Tinsley, and she's like,
Starting point is 00:10:22 Tinsley, table for three. Oh, I'm static, quing. Tinsley has decided to water her miracle grow little bitch flower seed and it bloomed today. And that's really nice, because it's very early in her second season. So it's an early spring over here on Real House Real House. It really is, it's the Tinsley spring.
Starting point is 00:10:43 In the question of the Arab and Czech spring, it's the Tinsley spring. It really is. It's the tinsley spring. In addition to the Arab and check spring, it's the tinsley spring. It's fine. Yeah. Her awakening, her uprising. Yes, her bitch flower is blooming well. So Dorinda, wait, no, not Dorinda. So she's like, well, static cling.
Starting point is 00:10:57 So Ramona meets her. Ramona, who's wearing a black dress with like a red boob. I'm not really sure. She's wearing a red square boob. I don't know who she stole but from. I'm just describing it. So in case anybody is missing something, you know what Ramona's wearing right now.
Starting point is 00:11:11 Yeah, exactly. So Ramona joins for lunch. And she's like, whoa, you have static cling. Whoa, I could wrap you around a bowl of fresh fruit and put you into fridge with all your cling, okay? Link wrap, okay? I took a wrap. I was given a wrap for the last talk show I did. Hi! She's like, oh god, tensing. I was out till like 2.30 in the morning. I was like, yeah, you're real crazy, Ramona. Ramona's still on her. I'm wacky and single, I'm ready to wacky mingle.
Starting point is 00:11:42 Yeah, exactly. So we wind up cross cutting back and forth between the Tinsley lunch and Bethany's place because D'Rinda arrives at Bethany's and D'Rinda has more gifts than something from the door man and Bethany's like, I can't even take it. You're making me out of order. What's the matter? What's going on?
Starting point is 00:11:59 Like, I'm more gifts? You know what it's clutter? It's, you know, just give me clutter. You know what I want? I want space. I want space. I want free space. I want the clutter. go, put it in the garbage. Like, I can't. Like, you know what? There's too much going on in my life. Like, the got Puerto Rico. Okay, I lost something from Puerto Rico. I don't want it. Is it a plane? Is it a plane I can give to Puerto Rico? No.
Starting point is 00:12:13 I love it. You can't even like walk into Bethany's house without working for her. It's like, they're doing that game, you listening to you. I need this question shoes. I was trying to download it a little bit. It was really funny. I was trying to down a little bit, it was really funny. She was like, I haven't seen Bethany for a long time, but we talked a lot in the summer. And I mean, Puerto Rico, when she does it, she does it. That's Puerto Rico, they're done. Puerto Rico is so done. And then just like it's passing,
Starting point is 00:12:40 she's like, great job with Puerto Rico. Sorry about cookie. Yeah, sorry about cookie and Bethan's like, yeah, well, it was tough. It was just great dog. Oh, I meant like I brought you a cookie. It was broken. Tell, have you ever met a cookie dog with 40,000
Starting point is 00:12:55 Twitter followers seriously? Like cookie died in the prime. She died in her prime, okay? I'm really jealous of a dog right now. I'm jealous of a dead dog right now is basically where I'm coming Yeah, what's gonna happen with cookies Instagram account? This is still going to like memories of cookie, you know Maybe it'll be maybe a new dog will take it. Maybe it'll be for biggie and smalls They'll take over the second people who didn't know we're gonna be like wait a second. Why is a dog telling me to drink skinny girl?
Starting point is 00:13:22 second why is a dog telling me to drink skinny girl so they know until it's over right cookie all right cookie all right you still live on your hot your hot your heart lives on your heart beats on okay Celine Dion I'm gonna name my next dog Celine and I'm gonna be like yeah fuck wherever you are okay yeah yeah yeah far it's all coming back to me huh not coming back to me now yeah yeah just I just imagined Bethany in that Celine Dion video for it's all coming back to me, stomping through a mansion alone, like beating the Beast style. I mean, like,
Starting point is 00:13:52 can they mind the story? Oh, no. It's all coming back to me. I'll come back to me now. Baby, baby. I forgot again. I forgot. Like I can't,
Starting point is 00:13:59 like I'll say like this mansion, like who made this mansion too big? You know what? I want to take it to, I'm going to sell it. I'm going to refurb it, I'm going to sell it. I'm going to move to a different mansion, okay? So Carol joins Ramona want to take it to, I'm gonna sell it. I'm gonna refurb it, I'm gonna sell it. I'm gonna move to different mansion, okay? So Carol joins Ramona intensely and she's already eating breakfast, a loss inch.
Starting point is 00:14:11 But Ramona's like, oh my God, you look like a hangover. And Carol's like, uh, Well, I'm hungover, maybe that's why. Ramona's like, that's not a drinking cankova. It's a smoking cankova. I know she likes to get into roles But your role is the marathon now get into that like that makes no sense Ramona What you just said your role is the marathon. It was this show is icon, okay?
Starting point is 00:14:36 This is we have pop pop icon Yeah, it was this random moment of motherly advice from Ramona. Like, Carol doesn't drink. It was from smoking. I was like, focus on the marathon, okay? I was like, why are you use, why have all people are you now concerned about? Carol's pre marathon training regimen. Yeah, because Ramona works out all the time and she's talking about it all the time. So now that somebody else's workout, it's like, I started that.
Starting point is 00:15:04 Yeah, Yeah. So Carol, they sit down and Carol's like, um, did anyway else notice that land was in black faces? Is that, is that okay? When you that be a come okay? Ramona's like, oh, I thought it was fine. Too sensitive. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Diana Ross is an icon. I'm like, I'm like, first of all, it's fine, don't worry about it. Diana Ross is an icon. I'm like, I'm like, first of all, it's always bad news when Ramona is defending your choice of blackface. Like that's when you know it's like,
Starting point is 00:15:33 mm, you know what, I probably should not have done the blackface thing. Yeah. Cause it's like, I've got like, Ramona's like encouragement on it. And also only this show could address blackface while having casual lounge chimes in the background. Like, do do be because she voted for Hillary, Carol. You know, she's like, oh, so you thought it was politically
Starting point is 00:16:08 incorrect? Is that what you're saying? Well, maybe you should write it in an email and then delete it and pretend you never got it. The first place, Carol. Okay. So then we skip back over to Bethany. She's like, oh my god, it was so fun.
Starting point is 00:16:23 I hung out with Lou Ant until like two in the morning. It wasn't saying like, you know, it was crazy. We have street meat and then she probably has some street meat of her own. Right. Which she probably did have some street meat of her own. Cause that's so Louanne to be like, oh, that's me.
Starting point is 00:16:36 I'm so glad we're okay. I see you homeless man. Okay, bye Bethany. Oh, look, it's the, hello guys. Oh, hello, like, hello, how are you? Get it? Yeah, what's the matter? What's going on? Do you have a HALAL guy? And never found that airline.
Starting point is 00:16:53 Hello, not at all. Oh, baby, am I right girls? Hello, is it me looking for? Heh. And the reads, thank you, and I now that you got really left on baggage. Okay, Dorita, not Dorita. Dorinda, sorry guys, it's the same abbreviation in my notes. Dorinda's complete and utter alcoholism is now just fun for me, which is so mean.
Starting point is 00:17:19 It's always been fun, but now it's obviously a problem where one minute she's hating you and screaming at you and trying to stab you with, you know, not now it's obviously a problem. Where one minute she's hating you and screaming at you and trying to stab you with, you know, not on a birthday candles or whatever. And then the next second she's like, this is so good to see you, glad we came on this walk. Listen, Rita.
Starting point is 00:17:33 Dorenda puts the fun in high functioning. Yes, I don't know about, well, yeah, high functioning. Yeah, high. Median, they're just functioning. Functioning, yeah, she's walking. So back with Tinsley and the girls Tinsley's like I really thought that the wind would open up more about Tom. You want Luando open up? I know I was like no one I care I was like oh my god no one wants to hear more about Tom
Starting point is 00:17:56 like and ever you could tell like no one cares half the majority fuck Tom so that's you know like what what else do they want What what would they want from Luando? I think they're just happy for the silence for once I know you think no one needs to hear about Tom anymore okay girls you believe it boy full one feel bad for Luan and girls like I don't she called me a jealous bitch for two years I'm really holding on to that carol yeah I don't care okay I feel bad for her. Like she showed up and suddenly she's from Puerto Rico and you know what happened to those people, right?
Starting point is 00:18:29 So, so carol's like, I followed her break up tour on Insta. She holds friends to hire standards in herself and that's not fair. And the Ramona's like, I'll tell you what's not fair. Bethany looked amazing. A little too thin, but great. She's from Ramona. like, I'll tell you what's not fair. That's a little too amazing. A little too thin, but great Hannah Rexick, you know the sort of person who hasn't been eating because she has anxiety because she just spent a lot of money on On a house that's on a highway that no one wants because it's not south of the highway It's on the highway, but what do I know? I'm just like a maven of the Hamptons, okay?
Starting point is 00:19:05 See literally said I'm like a maven of the Hamptons, okay? See, literally, I'm like a maven of the Hamptons. That's so maven, that's my show about real estate in the Hamptons, okay? I just wanted to talk about the property and the semantics of things, the semantics of things. She's playing basically house-wise poker where Tinsley's like, oh oh Lewand should open up I'm gonna get on Lewand with this storyline and then Kara's like I'm gonna get on Lewand with this
Starting point is 00:19:31 storyline and Romona's like I'm gonna trump you all with the actual Donald Trump also Bethany's anorexic okay great time let's see who win I bet I like that like now suddenly they think that Bethany is too thin or Ramona does. I mean, she's been basically walking twigs for years now. So, I also, when they showed the flashback to the fight about that Bethany's new property on the highway, and by highway, I think that's just a road, like a two lane road, but they call it a highway. But either way, when they showed that back, Bethany said that she bought a property on that and Ramona was like, oh, on the highway, or south of it, and Bethany was, Bethany got very defensive right away. So,
Starting point is 00:20:16 you know, as much as Ramona is a shifter, I don't think Bethany helps because she gets very, very guarded and defensive about Ramona and she kind of does put Ramona in that aggressive space which is what Ramona said. Ramona is like, well I was just wanting to have a conversation about the house and then all of a sudden it becomes a debate. I wasn't trying to be a debate. And I actually think there's some truth to that that like Ramona probably just wanted to ask some questions and now she finds herself defending her stance that she's been forced into, you know.
Starting point is 00:20:44 Yeah, she just wanted to know about semantics of things. Hey. So, about things like, say you want to leave it. So, Romana comes up and she's like, you're gonna live on the highway. What do you, what do you, a circus? Like, what is the house gonna travel? Is it on wheels? What is, what do you, why trash?
Starting point is 00:20:57 What is, what is, what is a trailer that you're living in? What is it? And she goes, Romana has a very red disease called Moran, Moran Octopoe. And she needs an embassyl, osy she'll pack I can't even say right I can't even say that I wrote it down exactly and I'm like she's in the stomach of the disease. She got it thing that's funny that was funny right more or not more an off the beat yeah Frederick and I worked on that one okay it's funny more because she's like a moron you know but she's got off the beat yeah like cuz it's like she got an off the like she's like orthopedic you know, but she got orthopedic, yeah, like, cause it's like, she got an orthopedic, like, she's like orthopedic, you know, so it's like more an orthopedic,
Starting point is 00:21:26 yeah. Catcha Ramona, will she put baby in a corner, okay? She's like, let's have a debate, let's have a debate. I mean, it's like when Donald Trump dragged all of those Republicans across the stage, my bright carol, my bright carol, I'm not falling for this. So yeah, Tensy's like, oh, maybe know when you're talking to to Beth and he's just like
Starting point is 00:21:49 In those moments, you know when you see a website, just say, oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that Everyone is like, what is this stupid bitch saying to me right now? I don't understand these words Kay waiter, I would like three classes at the killer. Please. Thank you One small Get the lines Wimes in the middle one only Just think of it like this way The middle one's tall like it's in first place And then the first one is short like it's second place
Starting point is 00:22:15 And then the third one's the shores of all like it got a blonde It's like a pedestal of tequila But the third one only has water instead of tequila, okay Then cut back to Bethany She's like oh wow as long as long as Ramona's better than everybody else. Have I mentioned that I have 19 houses now? Have I mentioned that?
Starting point is 00:22:30 Okay, just as long as you know, tell Ramona. Well, I'm staying with her in the hampton, so. So I go, that's great. I'm gonna have my birthday in the hampton. It's, you know, there's not gonna be tassels in the titties. It's just gonna be like a nice little, you know, maybe some tune on the table. Yeah, like we might get cocktails from the shack
Starting point is 00:22:47 in my backyard that has the words B-A-R in it. You see that? The letters B-A-R, you see it? It's really clever. It's like Marshalls. The end time is Sonya. It's like, it's not the Ramona Sonya stick. Yeah, I'm sick of that.
Starting point is 00:23:01 And like, well, as long as you come up with five new things to put on T-shirts today, I'll be okay with you, Derinba. Yeah. So she does as time goes on, but I was like, Derinba, stop your complaining and come up with some new things. Okay. So meanwhile, Carol hasn't marathon anxiety because it's like a few days away, and she casually mentions that Tinsley is the only person who has asked for a ticket to see her across the fitness line, because everyone else has the good sense to
Starting point is 00:23:25 just like wait for the highlights on TV. So um so Carol's like well I haven't like I didn't like organize anything but like if someone wants to throw me a post marathon party like that'll be okay and I was like whoa that's crazy because I've already started to plan and invite everyone but you I'm having a make Carol marathon party it's like look at this stupid liberal running in circles because that's what the rules do Carol As you slowly make your way around the circle and take the country down the drain with you I can't see another reason throw party Okay, what you're doing is phenomenal.
Starting point is 00:24:05 And she's like, why would I have a safe space for you and your liberal friends? I'm gonna have a party for you. Okay? It's gonna be called the Safety Pin Party. Okay? Everything, everything, the party favors are gonna be little guns, so you can all be triggered at the same time. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:24:20 This is crazy. When I was a little girl, I wanted to run into race and Jeldin Parsonsmith said no If you only race you could run for is for president of stupid town, okay? So to this day, I've never run into race a marathon or anything of the like. I'm sorry I'm sorry, but let's face it. I don't know how to run. I Got you a cake. It says happy birthday. Liberalist, liberalism is a mental disease. Okay.
Starting point is 00:24:48 I'm surprised you're running in October one to a December when there'll be more snowflakes around. Okay. So she's like, this is crazy. Kirk is crawling right now. Right when I'm talking about throwing a party few. Hi Kirk! Hi! Hi Kirk! My mom is farting. Oh my god. I'm red bar. I'm like, first of all, I'm not even totally sure that he's straight. He's like, hey Ramona, oh my god. Listen to way he talks in such a sing-songy voice. Hey Kirk. Kirk is a wonderful gentleman. Hi, hi. I met him years ago when he opened up the hottest restaurant and he catered my
Starting point is 00:25:30 daughter's party for 150 people. It was off the roof. We threw the entire party off the roof. It was crazy. Those were strange times 1994. So she's pretending this is for Carol. Which Carol knows this is not for her, but it's funny watching remote to talk on the phone anyway. She's like, I love you Kirk, Kirk, I love you. Look, she hangs, she's like, switching in her hair and doing that like facial jerk thing. And she's like, oh my god, I hung up on Kirk, he's so cute. I loved it. And Carol's like, did you even hang up?
Starting point is 00:26:08 Kirk is like, I'm here. She's like, oh my god. Oh, I love you, Kirk. Let's go on a date to AOA. It's the rest of the run, are you almost owned, okay? He's like, you look fantastic the other night. It's like, thank you, I mean, boy, I love you. And girl's like, you skipped right to I love you.
Starting point is 00:26:33 You took home a chef from like a brunch party of the Hamptons and they're still with him. So, more on that later. So, so then we, it's some other day and Durinda and Sonya are meeting up for a walk and they're just walking along the street and we can just see that Sonya is very pained. She's a no I'm sorry not Sonya Durinda. Durinda is annoyed at Sonya but she's trying to be like clean slate etc. So Sonya is saying how oh you know how you know this because I had the force, and I had the cappard
Starting point is 00:27:07 less, and I had the centra pay, and then I was coaching a Nigerian soccer team, and then I had to dispose of Pickles' body, and then computer three went out on the fritz like Pickles, and you fixed that, but she's already dead, and then I had Frenchie, and I had to buy new napkins, for the other guy, whatever his name is, the old guy who's not Frenchie, and all these things happened, and I thought, my new napkins for the other guy whatever his name is the old guy who's not Frenchie All these things happened and I thought my therapist said you know what you got to take some time for you So I took an and I took an antidepressant one to Costa Rica and I had raw juice and I was like here's the life And Duranda's like look you know I'm trying to start here at level one because I'm wearing the double cherry sweater from the beginning of
Starting point is 00:27:43 Miss Pac-Man, okay? Here we are at level one the I'm wearing the double cherry sweater from the beginning of miss Pac-Man, okay? Here we are at level one the ghosts are moving very slowly down the street The god damn it if I don't need a power pellet and Sony still keep talking. I can't thank him with her Let me tell you something about this what shit you get drunk. You see two of me you're almost a jackpot, okay? You see two of me, you're almost a jackpot, okay? Oh my god, Sonya. And Sonya is also dressed like she's about to go to some business meeting brunch or something. I don't know what you're doing. It's like, we're just supposed to be walking. I don't get it. Yes, they're talking about tins. They start talking about tins, and Sonya is like, you know, like,
Starting point is 00:28:21 when I saw that slut face the other night, I realized, you know, the thing is, I realized the problem that she must have had with me is that I probably just shadowed her too much. You know, she was just, she was just looking to come out into O, and I'm just always there, you know, being too supportive and do could of a friend, and she just wanted to fall in her face a little bit, and now she's doing it. And Durand was like, I think that you critiqued it too much, and she'sa is like, I think that you predicted too much. And she's like, no, I didn't critique her at all. I mean, what's there to critique when you're already such a mess?
Starting point is 00:28:50 Am I right? I'm just so glad things are going well with her and that fat person she found. And Dorenda's like, literally broke up actually. She's like, oh, yes, I heard that. The pickles ghost told me that the other night. But you just never know when she's trying to lie to you. One time she told me walk straight down the hallways flat and it turned out to be the flight of stairs. So I'm not listening to her anymore. She still won't leave the house. She's right between the bannies and the pickled jalapenos downstairs
Starting point is 00:29:17 in the basement. I mean, I just can't understand, Tinsley. I don't know why she'd spend $10,000 a month. When she could be staying in my haunted attic, I just don't get why she'd spent $10,000 a month when she could be staying in my haunted attic. I just don't get it. Brown ice doesn't everyone like it. I call it cocoa ice. Yeah. Yeah, she's still hung up on anyone wanting to move out of her disgusting house.
Starting point is 00:29:38 It smells like Hurricane Rita or whatever went through there. Oh, the Rita Rudner. Yeah, I got poor Rita. I feel like Rita Rudner smells good. or whatever went through there. Um, the redeemer. Yeah, I got poor redeemer. I feel like redeemer smells good. She probably does, but she probably was like, you know what I'm gonna do, girls? I'm gonna go to Sony's townhouse and take a shit
Starting point is 00:29:53 in the attic and wait to see how long she takes her to find it. And poor Doranda's just like, oh, get really, you can't get to Sonya. And she's like, no, we do because, you know, I never got one gift from Tinsley ever, but then she started dating the fat Harry guy and suddenly I'm getting $5,000 gift certificates
Starting point is 00:30:10 and parties, she didn't do that, he did. You know, and I know that and look, Duryda, some women just can't take care of themselves. Like, excuse you. Excuses. And then, and the same, isn't this the same scene where she's like, yeah, I've been talking to JPM about getting rid of the house. That's JP Morgan. Yeah, okay getting rid of the house that she you know Fucked it fuck yourself into which is fine, but don't be telling people other women can't take care of themselves
Starting point is 00:30:36 One of you had a job. Where's your toaster, ma'am? Where's your toaster? How about next time you reach your own hand into your own toilet bowl and pull out your own blackberry? How about that? And I like that she was mad that she was like, no, Tinsley, she didn't spend one cent while she's in my house. She didn't even buy one chocolate bar for Connor, which I think Connor was the assistant that like the one time Tinsley was like,
Starting point is 00:30:58 hey Connor, can you like pick up a hat for me? And so he was like, you don't get to talk to Connor. You know? Yeah, exactly. Do you remember when she made Connor open the front door? Get her packages? Who does that to a friend? So Sonia basically is talking about how she thinks that Scott is clearly paying for Tinsley's
Starting point is 00:31:18 hotel room $10,000 a month and Durinda is not happy. She is biting her tongue. You can just seeinda is not happy. She is biting her tongue. You can just see she is not happy and Makefully she's drunk enough that she can't feel it. Yeah, and She I think why did she say this? I think it's about oh God who is calling me stop it go away. We're talking about We'll have a New York
Starting point is 00:31:42 So me it's like well, I'm just gonna zip it. Well, you're not gonna zip it, because you just told the local tabler, the local bone teller, or a bone carrier, or whatever. And she's like, I'm just gonna zip it. And Dorinda goes, be the monkey. Okay. Zeno evil, Hino evil, speak no evil. They're both doing the hands over their eyes. And they're about and their ears.
Starting point is 00:32:07 And so he was like, oh my God, I love curious George. And then during this, like, you know what? He's doing this great. He says I'm just going to leave you another one here. Willing doubt, don't shout it out. Just go to God. Love all these rhymes. Also, Wayne doubt, throw it out.
Starting point is 00:32:22 Little less than a few past shellfish. Ha, ha, ha, ha. That's the first you don't succeed. Just stop trying as they succeed. Like that. Here's to you, here's to me. May we never disagree. If we do fuck you, here's to me. If you sprinkle when you think, please be as really in white to see.
Starting point is 00:32:46 He also feeds James and me because he's really, really meaty. Okay. Mirror, mirror, underwater. Who's the price tag on this one? I'm sorry, I love home goods. I can never find a hot price tag on you. I'm sorry, I never worked. I don't even work here anymore.
Starting point is 00:33:01 What's going on here? It's like I come in here. It's like not even a real store anymore. They're still blood on the floor. Rose is a red, violet, so blue. Two lips can come in different colors. The end of lions are, they're yellow. Daisy's a white with a yellow in the middle.
Starting point is 00:33:18 We eat this sometimes green. They can be brown. They die. There's a lot of colors, a lot of flowers. Weist not want an entire play the fool. Stupid. They die, there's a lot of colors, a lot of clothes. Weiss not want an entire play the fool. So, it's just a stupid bit. So, it's simply a new way to play. We're so stupid. Hello, this is Countess Luand and you're set.
Starting point is 00:33:35 I'm going to kill you all, but not before this ad. Would you believe it, girls? We have an ad. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellaside. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Disantel. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity view, from the build-up, why it happened,
Starting point is 00:34:00 and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up any time soon.
Starting point is 00:34:22 Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. Okay, now this is great scene coming up here. Great great scene. She's like hi I'm bow bow Derek you might remember me from such films is bow Derek in the ocean. What are you doing? The way that comes into these braids. I love them. I thought they looked awesome. She looks like
Starting point is 00:35:01 she looked like a ball of yarn to me. But I liked it too. I liked it. It's to me that if that's a ball of yarn, then sign me up for a knitting glass. Yes, Luanne and Tinze are having dinner. Lu is in braids, which I just felt like it was a very strong look for her. Because we were a little used to her signature haircut, which has been stolen by people such as Bethany Frankel.
Starting point is 00:35:23 And perhaps an argument could be made for Lisa Rina. So she's in braids which looks very good. And Tins is like, oh my god, I was in a Tyson War with Scott. Oh, it's not fear. She's like, well, you know what kind of war I like? Cupcake wars. Okay, Quares. No, but I would. That's a little war I can get behind. I know we're great together and do the nothing happened. I'm just trying to be the girl we fell in love with. It's like they just get drunk and make out with him
Starting point is 00:35:56 in restaurants. That's literally who we fell in love with. You didn't even have to do anything. Stop trying. So Luanne, Luanne is just like a font of interesting advice. She's like, well, here's what I think I would do if I were you. I'd fly to Chicago, surprise him, and then get married, and be like, would you believe it girls?
Starting point is 00:36:12 I'm getting married to Scott, the Gubon King. And then to back this up, she's like, let me tell you a story. I was living in Switzerland, and my husband was doing the rally in Morocco. So I went. He didn't know I was coming dressed like a Moroccan princess, and that's what I did. I said, Hey, coach, I'm going to prepare you to surprise my husband. Here I am.
Starting point is 00:36:32 Shala la la la. Shala la la ding dong, oh, baby. Oh, I went to the hotel as the princess, and oh, remember, I had the full veil. Like, where are you talking to? I was just talking to her own image in the mirror. She's like, he never got over it. Never. He still talks about it to this very day.
Starting point is 00:36:50 The element of surprise is a beautiful thing. Surprise! He's like, oh, don't do. You'll never forget that. Surprise! And Tinsley. And Tinsley. Tinsley.
Starting point is 00:37:04 Tinsley, by the way. I'll go ahead. Tinsley, always the way, Tinsley, by the way, I'll go ahead. Tinsley always remember, when dealing with Scott, just remember to tell him, this is not the plaza hotel. This is Morocco. Surprise! I've transported you. It's such a beautiful thing. Where am I?
Starting point is 00:37:18 Surprise, I'm a genie. So Tinsley is like, it's a new Tinsley this year. I'm gonna have straight hair and be mean to people. But she's still wearing a baby doll outfit. But now it's like the little baby doll collar, right? It's all the way up to her a waddle. And then a leopard, a leopard top, but it's like glitter. I don't know what she's doing, but it was disturbing and wonderful.
Starting point is 00:37:42 And I loved every second. And so, oh yeah, I was going to gonna say I'm about to tell you a story But we've already done that so I can tell it again. I was in Switzerland and my husband was in Morocco doing a rally He was driving cars. He was he was a man about the town and I said I'm going to surprise him I'm gonna dress up like a princess or I found my favorite fabric wrapped myself in in, said, get on a camel. I was nearly flaring off of it into a Cindy Bar shop's arms. I was like, would you believe it? This camel is that way to treat a Countess?
Starting point is 00:38:11 I don't think so. Did I tell you about my story? Did I tell you about that time my husband did a rally in Paris? I dressed up like a croissant. I went to the bakery. I was holding one of those signs that says, free croissants here, not spitting it around on the corner shot. I showed it up in its hotel, my girl.
Starting point is 00:38:30 Croissant! He's never forgotten, he still talks about it. I, uh, another time I decided, hey, you know what'd be a great thing to do? How about croissant and blackface? So I became a panor-shock a lot, and I walked up to a minute, you know, little hotel in Lichtenstein, and I said up to a minute, you know, little hotel in lichtenstein and I said excuse me sir, I did him an order a chocolate croissant and he said no and I said well guess what? It's your wife, sororz!
Starting point is 00:38:54 And Tinsley's like well that was really sweet but Luan was married long shorter than the shelf life of the chocolate croissants so really not gonna sit through a chocolate croissant story here. And the man's like, well, Tinsley, this is just the beginning. It shouldn't be this hard. And he's like, the your beginning was like over before it even got to the middle part. And she was, well, I admit it, I wear that.
Starting point is 00:39:19 I wear it like a shawl. A shawl in Morocco. The point is, I learned. I learned, all right. And I don't have chilly shoulders anymore What about you, Tinsley? What about you? I love in the scene how Luanne alternates from like indignant to melodramatic She's like believe me. I know I'm not happy about it. I'm I'm not proud about it But here I am still standing three two one I'm still standing
Starting point is 00:39:47 yada elton john standing in the plaza hotel that might be Morocco to da da da count as some promise I'm still well now I'm sitting down but you know even you can start using your imagination I'm sitting down but you get it I'm standing mentally I'm still standing do you understand tinsley like tinsley hasn't been able to say barely two words and so she's like look it's still very hot she goes well I admit it I learned tinsley guys well it's just that people around us feel like you're not opening up enough we're sharing and it's really hard to care if you don't care about it like you have to care for us to care. Like these don't make her care anymore. Yeah and no one around you cares about
Starting point is 00:40:31 you not opening up up opening up enough unless you're referring to like the field producers who are like can you get Luan to talk about this because none of the other women care. Okay when you're like people around us feel no it's you Tinsley. Yes and Tinsley's like we care we care why don't you care why don't you care? Why don't you care? We were in it's like, I do care. I care. And she gets so drunk she goes and still someone else's hotel room and beats up a cop.
Starting point is 00:40:51 You know, it turns out this is all tinsley spots. Yeah. So tinsley's like, I mean, it just feels like he brought Tom and everyone's lives and now you don't want to talk about it. And the man's like, well, guess what? Let people get their own lives and then Luangos I'm too raw to be vulnerable I was like I think that is is vulnerable no she goes I feel too raw too vulnerable to open up to these women
Starting point is 00:41:17 oh okay that means that I'm too raw, too vulnerable. To make a princess in the soup who can't find a man as a rally, to run too vulnerable. You got to love Lou Ann. You're crazy. In praise. You got to love Lou Ann because she's talking about a relationship that also ended.
Starting point is 00:41:43 So let me tell you what I did with my husband. I'm like, he divorced you. Yeah. So it turns to he's like, you're a fun, and she goes, I am super fun. And she goes, but sometimes you do this premon proper wall and she goes, oh, what is it, the Countess Wall?
Starting point is 00:41:55 What are you going to go with there? Like the Countess Wall? Going there, the Countess Wall. What are you going to come to my Countess Wall and wear that, or be an Israel now with a Countess railing wall. Is that no wait a minute? Since your account is again, it's you.
Starting point is 00:42:09 I always will be the countess. It's Queen of Tifa, Queen. It's best. It is Queen of Tifa, real quick. I ask you that, Tinsley. She's like, I actually don't know the answer to that question. And I've had time to prep because you set it on the reunion, watch what happens. Five, five times on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:42:30 Well, it's a good line. All right. One thing you learn in the industry, you know, the show business industry. One thing I learned on the Chitlin circuit is that you, uh, you don't always have to make new lines. You make old lines new again. A. Queen looked look at you for- Let me ask you this. Was Prince really a prince?
Starting point is 00:42:49 I think not. Three, two, what would be your lover? Purple rain! Purple rain! My rye girls. Because tonight we're going to party like it's 1999 when I was in Morocco visiting my husband at the rally I'm still a quisson just being all the right places Going back to Elton John keep up tinsley I just like that the would die for you Little red Corvette driving in a Moroccan rally So she she still can't believe that she had the invoke Queen Latif again, so she's like
Starting point is 00:43:39 She's not coming from a place of fun. She's coming from a place of mean. And Tim please like, look, I mean, I know that you and Carol got in a fight. She's like, what are you talking about? I didn't get in a fight with Carol. And then they cut her in there. It was just a discussion. And then they cut back to the discussion of the party when they were fighting about, you know,
Starting point is 00:44:01 Luan was so hurt because Carol never even texted her when she heard the news. And she's like, you've never done anything for me and Adam. You knew that that was in travel. And she's like, oh please, you slept with my daughter. You slept with my niece's boyfriend. She's girl.
Starting point is 00:44:16 Don't judge me. You had an affair with my niece's boyfriend. We should also mention that when asked about Carol's going to Carol's marathon, so I was like, well I wasn't invited, but you know what, I don't do well at marathons. I'm more of a Moroccan rally girl, you know what I'm saying? And she's like, look. But that's be serious. Her relationship with Adam, that was way more serious than your marriage. And she was, he was a boy. he was a toy boy. Come on. He was like Pinocchio
Starting point is 00:44:52 I pulled that string so many times and he would never speak My buddy my buddy Wherever he goes Sorry Wherever he goes care will show up to steal him my body I'm a Bobby girl It a Bobby world wrapped in plastic. It's fantastic. Come on, baby. Let's go party hashtag countess
Starting point is 00:45:19 He was a toy boy come on. Oh, whatever you were married like a second. She was yes, but I was married. She is well look Carol actually really likes you. It's just so she likes you Give me a break Three two one. Give me a break. Give me a break. Break me off a piece of that. Carol writes it well Who's Carol? So she's the judge of on authenticity now. Authentic Carol. Let's talk about positive things. Move on.
Starting point is 00:45:52 I'm just trying to make you open up. You're Dick Lindsay. Okay, it's. When he missed it, please. All right, Sarah. All right. All right, Esperanza.
Starting point is 00:46:04 Calm down. Stop tilting at Wiz Mills. Windmills, Espie. Sarah all right all right Esperanza calm down Stop tilting at whiz meals when meals espy come on I Feel like though we have to just circle back very slightly When the man said and who's Carol the judge of Authentic She's the judge of authentic. The fact that she sort of brought in a Catherine Dennis British accent into that moment while she drunkenly slurred the word authenticity
Starting point is 00:46:32 was so amazing. I mean, I would say that Yolanda Foster's greatest line was who's Adrian Maloof in this world. This might be up there with it. Who's Carol, the judge of authenticity? Yeah. I didn't know the glass of rosé. Rosé, okay.
Starting point is 00:46:50 The man had a lot of classics in this episode. Who's Carol? I mean, this one scene was just like so many instantly iconic Luan moments. Everything. And again, it was the way she would go. Instantly iconic. I mean, would you believe it, girls? I'm an icon.
Starting point is 00:47:11 No, it was just like, again, it's like what I was saying before. She goes from telling a story of when my ex-husband, I was in Switzerland, my ex-husband is a Morocco doing a rally race. So I dressed up like a Moroccan princess. They surprise him. Like, what?
Starting point is 00:47:23 What? And then it's like, I was married. Oh my goodness. Everyone needs to get a life. It's like just everything that was coming out of her mouth and she was in braids. Yeah. Yeah, the top of the law, she's in braids.
Starting point is 00:47:37 So now, Dorenda is like a walking summer house because they just won't let her shoot me more. It's like how many times can you have drunk Dorenda shooting in your restaurant because this is her second scene on a street. Like Dorenda we can't get insurance to shoot you inside anywhere so you're just gonna be on the street again. So she's meeting Carol and she's like I feel like I'm waiting for my lover. Which Carol Dorenda really has a thing for Carol this season. Cause last week she was like, yeah, after the mail thank, you can come get in bed
Starting point is 00:48:10 and we'll talk and just be quick. And then wake up and pretend nothing happened. Back to you. And Carol was like, do I get to where my Michael Jackson gloves? Oh, that's my cue. Beat it. Just beat it. glass. Oh, that's my cue. Be that just be that Michael Jackson has a son and king or prince and Paris. His Paris really powers. I don't think so. Come on guys. Let's not tell you about the time. I tell you about the time my husband was running
Starting point is 00:48:38 a blanket rally and I showed up with a blanket on my head. June back to you. I'm still a blanket after all these years. Be it, be it. That's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday.
Starting point is 00:48:55 It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday.
Starting point is 00:49:03 It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. It's my mom's birthday. Ross. These are icons. I'm dressing as all three of them next year. So D'Aurinda and Carol are walking in a park or whatever. Hi, Carol's like, wow, I run up the Hudson River. Oh my god, please make this end quickly. Yeah, talk with running. I can't with this. Just when people run marathons, it's like, they just can't do anything but talk about marathons. It's just the way it goes. It's just like, oh my goodness, put us just run it, just go and run it. And Durand is like, well, you know, are you gonna wear a walkman?
Starting point is 00:49:31 Do you really think to keep your company? And she's like, girl, go. Come on, Durand, out of the 80s, you're calling. They watch your walkman reference back. I'm like, you're wearing Madonna bicycle clothes, right? Yeah, okay. You're both living in it it she's just trying to make you feel comfortable did somebody say Madonna I got the moves baby you got the motion you put us together will be making a commotion in the Hamptons a virgin, which Adam was when Carol stole him out of the crib.
Starting point is 00:50:06 That's for the very first time it's called Pizza Game. Like a virgin. A man can tell say a thousand things and know their story well. Blood a blood of Madonna singing a ballad and I get it cuz I'm basically like Madonna to Sunni station starting your pops out of the bushes. She's like I hang out with Madonna and JJ Where's the party? Well, that didn't now so how dare you yeah, okay Yeah, it's like well Ia Lili, she's nuts.
Starting point is 00:50:47 You know, like, we're styling over. I love that Duranda's always making her her choice to start over when she'd be rated and drunkenly screamed at Sonya for no reason at the party. Like, two nights before, she always wakes up and totally forgets. She's like, yeah, I style over. Because then we see a clip of that party and she's like, Blackie's Sonya to me, all. Like I was just be friends.
Starting point is 00:51:07 Come on. Come on. And Carol goes, Congratulations on starting over. She told someone you're fat. So, I mean, turns it. Boomi wants shame on me. Boomi twice, I'm fatta.
Starting point is 00:51:24 What the hell? So Carol's like, I'm so sad you're not gonna be able to see me run. I'm like, okay, well, she could just watch a duck walk across the street. It'll be the same thing. And Durinda's like, well, I was fooled. This is ridiculous calling me fat.
Starting point is 00:51:41 I'm like, you just called her fucking crazy again, okay? Like you just, you just started open trash trash talking her. So what's the problem? Anyway, I brought you a CD for your disc man have a good run. I Bought you something for your record man You've a job. Oh So Jurassic during this like all right. Well see you later in the hands if you stay with Bethany. Keep me abreast. He's like, okay, with your subtle lesbianism.
Starting point is 00:52:11 Get out of here. Well, and interestingly, Carol's like, yeah, I mean, I think I'm staying with Bethany, and I wonder if that was setting up for something next week, where basically, but he's like, no, you never said you had a common mate. You never said you're going to stay here, so no, I don't have any move you. I wonder if there's going to be something like that. Yeah, something's up, but we don't know what it is yet. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:52:28 So then we go to Sonya's townhouse where she's working something out with Mary Lou, the Housekeeper. We see a close-up of a picture of ice and happy to report, it's all clear. No coffee colors there. Import. Also, I love that we have Mary Lou, the Housekeeper. I think this is the first time in a long time we've've seen someone in Sony's house. It's actually kidding paid And you know there's a fine line between Mary Lou and me Lou She's like well your name sort of sounds like me Lou so you're hired
Starting point is 00:52:54 Just do me a favor when Bethany comes over please get in her eyes Whose eyes didn't really get in and the when they took when they would We lose everyone's eyes We leave we back in there I don't know gosh my eyes Are those tears tears of a clown? Why is the wamping on that tree? I don't know I can't explain it It's like that time my my husband was doing a dog show in Pekipsi and I showed up as Melee
Starting point is 00:53:45 My husband was doing a dog show in P woman's body. Yes, bitch, everything. That was Madonna's line, speaking of which. Oh, and then you kept. Come on, folks. Gratigar, though. Carol Radzadswell two people who died long time ago You're all dead to me. Vogue, Vogue, Vogue And a win tour is coming. She's not really gay man, but Vogue Fired herself look around everywhere you see it, baby Someone's dressed like Moroccan princess that's just just Louanne. So Sonya's like oh my god gay person. Last time I wore a metallic Durinda said I'm fat. So I was like oh so that's where it comes from because you know these ladies are the best at holding grudges. You know all of them. They
Starting point is 00:54:39 will hold grud, a cactus Louanne is still mad that Carol called her out on trying to get a free dress from Michelle Obama's designer or whatever. Like, you know that's the reason that she's still mad. So, I guess that's how I have for two. Well, that's how, yeah, me too, because we've got a little housewives in this. Yeah, but, I mean, my God, she is taking,
Starting point is 00:55:00 she probably said, to rent a, how do I look in this and to rent a, it's like, he looks so flattering. She's like, oh my God, do you like it looks a flattering to come on that you are back for the rest of my life and of course since so you has now invited over a gaggle of fun and gays like the like quote unquote like artsy um like what's in the like Truman Capote kind of gays they're all like oh yeah like that's so dorenda to say that she's just jealous she's always so good for her backhanded compliment that's so Dorenda to say that. She's just jealous. She's always so good for her backhanded compliment. I'm like, Dorenda, you know, Dorenda is like the nicest person
Starting point is 00:55:30 on this show. She's so sweet. Even when she's drunk and yelling at you, it's because she's wounded. She does not give backhanded compliments. We've never seen that over the past four years. Yeah, this is calling someone fat isn't really a backhanded compliment. It's just calling them fat. It's like straight up rude, which is how the red operands. Yeah. She'll just, if she's going to yell at you, she else at you. And then she's like, what was I yelling at? I don't even know. Did I stab my hands?
Starting point is 00:55:54 So Sonya is like, you know, Sonia is in her element because she gets to make all sorts of body, cab or less jokes. And she's taking a photo and she's like, oh my God, sticking out my lips. I don't know if I should stick out my lips anymore. I want people always say I should stop sticking out my lips. I don't know if I should stick out my lips anymore. I want people always say I should stop sticking out my lips and then this older gay name on Gumregas. Which lips?
Starting point is 00:56:10 I was like, oh, God. And everyone's like laughs. It's like, oh my god. Yeah, this was one of those, I'm terrified what I'm becoming. This is like, oh my god. Do I hate to see it because I'm a self-hating gay? Do I hate to see it because I'm a gay hating gay?
Starting point is 00:56:24 Or do I just hate these guys? I don't know! I just... I have a pet peeve with someone who just says something provocative and that's supposed to like take place of like wit or comedy, you know? I mean, clearly if they want to meet people, make people laugh they just keep singing songs in the 80s and it counts as the Wendlers. That's real wit, baby.
Starting point is 00:56:48 If you want to replace Witt, just bring in karaoke, like a real woman. You have a bad game. You have a bad game. You have a bad game. You have a bad game. You have a bad game. You have a bad game. You have a bad game.
Starting point is 00:57:00 You have a bad game. You have a bad game. You have a bad game. You have a bad game. You have a bad game. You have a bad game. You have a bad game. You have a bad game. You have a bad game. right thing. I was like, oh my God, I'm going to reformation camp. And Sonya's like, so I was like, you know, women are so judgmental. And guys just like live in the moment. I'm like, you really haven't been around gay guys. Have you? No kidding. That's of course we're judgmental.
Starting point is 00:57:14 We're way more judgmental than women. Hello. We are the worst, okay? Listen to us. Everything you're hearing right now, this is all judgment, this entire podcast. Yeah, we just wait until you turn your back But I did like when Sony said you know sometimes you want to get shit faced and sometimes you just want to get pounded and with these guys it's both And she's like okay, let's turn up. It's the money move tuck in your penis is For Sonya Okay, so Bethany walking down the street talking to herself
Starting point is 00:57:44 I like that shoe. Oh, no, I don't. It's not that great. I like that shoe. I like that shoe removed. Hey, that's my shoe. I like that shoe. Oh, you know, I don't know. This is place cluttered. You know, I don't like about it. Everything. Okay. You know, what's that? What's going on? Can you come fix this? Carl? Carl? Carl? Carl? Carl? Carl? Carl? Carl? Carl? Carl? Carl?
Starting point is 00:58:00 And this is like, this is where I live. Is it? God, is this where I live? What's my office? Okay, here's the door. Hello, hello. Hello, hello. Hello. Yeah, she goes up to her new, new, new apartment. And she's basically like, she calls her, she calls what's the matter, what's going on.
Starting point is 00:58:18 She's like, hey, hey, come on, come on, I like the fire escape. Do you see me in the window? Do you see me in the window? Is that crazy? Is that weird how wind does work? Like, look, I'm like on the sixth one, you're like down the ground. Is that crazy? This wow? This wow, why does it have to sell? Yeah. They're like, wow, she can see us while we work.
Starting point is 00:58:31 This this job gets better by the day. So Bethany is like, you know what? Disapartment right here. This is like this renovation is like next level. It's gonna be sick. It's gonna be so sick. It's like next level. You know what? I think I might even stay here for a while. I'm like, you know, Bethany, like that's fine and everything But it's been like four seasons of you finding a new apartment saying, you know what? This is really home now. This is home. You know what? I'm homeless now. I'm homeless. I'm in between renovation now This is home. This is home. I don't want to hear it anymore. Just move. Just move. Like don't make a whole story out of it Business has shifted. Okay. We're moving into a new corporate space in so ho but I need deep in Puerto Rico
Starting point is 00:59:08 Funny visible. Yeah, so Bethany walks into her new office and she's like okay My first inclination is it looks clattery, okay? Okay, no one need we don't need to roller skate like what do we need to roller skates? Is this roller rink? We were going around circles like this is like we want to go forward. Okay. I want to go Yeah, I'm bowling pan. I'm bowling pan. Oh, thank you. We don't need this picture of me and Obama, okay? How about you? Do I say that it's bowling pin? Why don't we strike it? Get it? Strike it? Okay. You guys have a spare spare room to put this in get it, okay? All right. I love that I love that I love that
Starting point is 00:59:37 Obama in his office being like Well, do we need this picture of me and the one? Nope. Nope. I don't think so and also uh give her to that uh roller skate okay i don't i don't i don't get it i don't get this off it's like with the corners like you need the corner in your there's no corners it's just like an oval it's just big circle it's going around around okay you know what you know what you call this? help not i hate it wait you want to you want to work on a nag you're working in a nag basically and you just yoke okay she's just walking around barking orders and then her her new president. She's like I hired a president. I hired one
Starting point is 01:00:09 Okay, I couldn't get the president. I wanted in the country, so I just hired my aunt. Okay. Yeah, it passed a slot No more crosswalks. Okay, just just tell Congress. Okay. It's an executive order And he's like, are you writing this down? What's the matter and what's the matter? It's like I got it She's like these people hate Bethany's got so much hilarious Bethany is gonna end up getting stoned to death by her own office workers what's the matter and what's that happened? Well because what's the matter probably I'd just spend three weeks sourcing the little poof thing on the floor getting it from you know the hinterlands of Leon or something and it finally gets shipped or rives because I got a I got a proof
Starting point is 01:00:46 I got a proof I'm not gonna walk in here without a poof, okay? Like you need to have a poof in there and I need to fight tomorrow should finally get the poof in from Leon hinterlands it's there and you're like you know, I don't like it who's gonna sit on that? Why would I want to sit on that? Give me a chair like what this I want a poof I don't I don't want like a I don't want like a ball You can play soccer with this thing like I got a president now now now. Now what I'm going to do is I'm going to build an army, red water. Like, Beth, me with her own mercenary army is a terrifying thought. Okay. So like, she's like Eric Prince with black water, just her own army, just running around spraying people with terrible blues.
Starting point is 01:01:16 Well, I don't know if that army would just be viciously effective or it would just be all the social. Like, what's going on? Like, what's what's what's the much going to just like, what do we got much? Like, why is it that like, I have to like, like, my likes have to be in tune with in type of the air likes social media like what's going on? Like what's what's what's the much going to like what do we got much like why is it that like I have to like like my likes have to be in tune in type of your likes like what's going on? I don't know. He sells us. Oh sorry. No, go on. No, sorry. I heard a pause. She's like you show me a woman who's rich then and gorgeous, successful, has pictures with Obama and their office if they don't even need and getting sleep and I'll show you a unicorn. Okay. Like literally I have what's the matter what I'm going to do right now.
Starting point is 01:01:52 I love Bethany that she's just keeping her humility. You know, that's what's important. Yeah. So Dharinda lunch is just a melody. Speak of humility, honestly, and I'm not being sarcastic. This is what I love about Dharinda. Hi lunch. She's like, hey everybody you can be Dharina. She just sits down with the book and things are falling off of her and she's just in I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it,, I mean, you know, it's like my mom sometimes show at random times You'll be talking about something and she pulls out this like little notebook and she's like I got to write this down And it just goes into notebook and it's like sort of never really seen from again But like that's what Durinda's like, oh my god I gotta put my diary to see this book
Starting point is 01:02:35 You gotta get a cashmine later and it's like three years later and a convenience store where she got them is like not even Inningsons anymore. Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember I put these in the books, I wouldn't forget them, and then I forget the book. And then she's like putting salt in her hand and throwing it over her shoulder. Yeah. And uh, Tensley walks in like, did I just see you throwing stuff over your shoulder? I do that. He's out, gently. And then she starts showing her, her, her, her lotto thing. She's like, I love a good scratch out. I love a good scratch out I love a good scratch out
Starting point is 01:03:10 Tens is like can we have wine because I really want mine. This is you really have wine. Oh my god It's really beautiful here. I don't care. That's why I don't want to be the queen of that decision But you said it let's have some wine with one scratch out. She's like go God we're drinking in the morning, but you said it, let's have some wine, we'll watch scratchy out. She's like, go, God, we're drinking in the morning, but it's my answer against what I tell myself. Oh my goodness. So, Ferenda's like, you guess what? Sony called me five. You know, they say, don't make a mistake twice. Let's do it three or four times here. Get it really wrong. We'll lift it on a dish towel, you think? Or is that mostly just the tote kind of same? Because everything she says now is designed to go on some piece of works, you know. So funny. She's like, well, you know, we were gonna move move on but you know what now it's the weekend to be prepared and I'm telling you
Starting point is 01:04:07 Be prepared. She's like, why you should talk about me? Probably He said you mean thanks for everything. He didn't even buy leg gift tag You would dress like a baby tall cookie. Hey, hey, I just want to interrupt and say that right now You've been a cheater brand be prepared. That's okay be strong be prepared okay that's mine just that's it Is that a bee prepared or is it just be prepared? You know I you know I you know if you're a brand you're stupid you don't you don't know me doing the life I want you to crawl into a hole and never come out again okay, and I want you to like cover yourself up with like dirt
Starting point is 01:04:38 And just like hang out there and hang out with like snails and ants and dirt until you die okay and the answer in the dirt until you die, Rolex. I was like you see shady ass Durinda Yeah, you buy everything yourself love your $50,000 watch. Yeah, oh, thank you She's a boy, okay, and I'm gonna tell her listen here. So yeah stop with this fragile in behavior She can't even land, but then she's got a dagger waiting Come on the peppermint bridge and let's you stab she with a tritzi pat And it's a gum drop and then she's like here's a gum drop is she knocks you into the swamp and you're like This is a swamp. I thought it was gonna be charcutt fudge bits. It's swamp. I just wanted to leave here
Starting point is 01:05:40 But I'm stuck on a jobst in two Thank you, but I'm stuck on a job in June. How? Oh, my goodness. Oh, now another class. This is like a classic one after the other, right here. Yes. This is a classic household. I just lunched at with the Wandon Sonia.
Starting point is 01:05:57 And Sonia is wearing like a Carmen San Diego get up. She is basically like ready to steal some jewelry and then leave go off to like, I don't know, Guam. She's like, it rhymes with Guam. Guam? I made that too easy, didn't I? So, Sonia's wearing like, yeah, maroon things from top to bottom, hat, fur, thingy, long coat gloves. She has just she she has truly just stolen some jewelry like there's been some diamonds in her bag. Yeah, she's she's just had a heist. So she's like, you know, Luan oranges in the past now. Oh, I
Starting point is 01:06:36 love that oranges in the past. Now you're on to cherry. Well, I love her. I love Sonia. Does she make me that's absolutely? But what a friend's for? And Sonia's like once the captives always the captives and she goes Don't say that people get offended. Oh, yeah, she goes don't say that other people get offended when I say captives now Her name rhymes just Pinsley I mean I can call myself question mark if I want to hey everyone is everyone welcome ladies gentlemen we have arrived question mark speaking Hey take a risk on asterisk
Starting point is 01:07:10 Am I right people and the way they're taking us to hashtag question marks and friends The waiter standing there trying to take their drink and they won't even look at him So he just walks off he just taking his head, which is hilarious. He's just like oh my god question mark will not shut up. She's like they don't like you saying the countess and she's like ah do they have songs on the dance charts? Do they do dance? Does Tinsely and Carol have three dance songs and iTunes under Countess Lewand?
Starting point is 01:07:37 Do they have a Pandora station under Countess Lewand? I have a Pandora station. Would you believe it girls? I have a Pandora station. By the way, you need to find my music. You could find my music on Napster. We need to think about getting the Leuands song that you did on there.
Starting point is 01:07:58 We need to find the Wands songs. By the way, both of the Leuands songs that we created, one was, do the DAC Dacacino and the other one is Too Loo for you. Those are both on Pandora also, they just don't have stations. Maybe they do. Check it out. We need to figure out how to do hers.
Starting point is 01:08:14 Yeah, and by into it, okay? Those are bad don't say we that's all you I did girl code years ago You can look for that under girl code, but it shows up as the Wands girl code Which probably wasn't the best move on my part back then, but what can I say? I'm a question mark girl code was a little before It's time. It never quite found its footing the way For its time, it never quite found its footing the way she say love you are or money can't buy you class. Thank you. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:08:50 Girl code. So she is cracking me up with this. They have a Pandora station. I have a Pandora station. And so you say, well, this is when she's like, I talked to JP. I'm about the house. And I decided that I was just keeping it as an investment when she's like i talk to jpm about the house and i decided that i was just keeping it as an investment like girl you were keeping it because they had to cut off and there was no way
Starting point is 01:09:12 you have anywhere else to go but i really like your wording of it and i wish you the best good luck with your new heart good luck you should you know what's on the sonia you should think of it as your ha hashtag hashtag so nea's renting. That's what Louanne goes. When she talks about her music, she goes,
Starting point is 01:09:30 let's think of it as my hashtag. Hashtag Countess, that's it. This is that scene where they're like, I love you. I love you. You're a real friend. You're a real friend. Yeah, so they start talking about Tinsley and Lumaans like, you know, Tinsley wasn't nice this time. I got a hint of Carol who just climbed in like a
Starting point is 01:09:54 little parasite on a larger paid for by Scott host. Yeah, pretty much. They're talking about the Hamuntons and who's gonna stay with you and so nice like. Louang is well you can stay with me and so nice like oh I didn't want to buy myself like some people to like is that it tensley comment because tensley did not invite herself and she goes yes that's us Louang where this is that's the Mrs. is like okay I see that you're trying to do the Daringa thing because she is selling some serious merch. Yeah, Lauren Carter.
Starting point is 01:10:29 Lauren's like, I mean, I'll invite you, but as anyone knows, the best way to appear at the Hamptons is just to surprise me. Everyone loves the element of surprise. Surprise! Would you like that? You'll never forget it. Sonya will never forget it. Remember the time I showed up at Sonya's luncheon? I was on the charts of Pandora. So, never forget it Remember the time I showed up at Sonya's lunch and I was on the charts of Pandora. I'll never forget it Oh reminds you the time I showed up at Princess House, and I was like hello fellow member of the royalty I would die for you
Starting point is 01:11:02 Black Ray, let's go crazy You Let's go crazy We're playing Do it divided we have gathered here today to celebrate this thing called gongers and friends I would die for Lou I'd die for Lou too to Lou for you to Lou for you So my favorite part about going over in our recap, so when we've just had like so much going on in one recap, is when we end with the Carol segment.
Starting point is 01:11:30 Cause I was like, are we really going to have to watch Carol run? And it was for sure the rest of the episode is just watching Carol run. Yeah. I'm like, I don't need this. Okay. And I went on my last night after the show and there's whole threads of people like, I cried when Carol ran, I feel so. But you know what, I'm glad you guys found it inspiring.
Starting point is 01:11:49 I was like, this is boring, I don't wanna watch Carol run. I actually did find it to be nice, oddly enough. First of all, you know, we saw her go find her husband, Statsman 1985, so there was that. We got to see Adam, who Adam, i believe is slowly uh... he is transitioning into carly siaman so i applaud him on his journey i think he's transitioning into carol like this is mouth
Starting point is 01:12:14 four times bigger there was one point where it's like that like he's looking at a phone or something and i was like oh my god his mouth is as giant is carol maybe that is do you think it's not as i've got a great carol king cuz it could go either way Carol reds Carol Channing Same they mouth all the carols All the carols we're in to add in throw your hands up at me open your mouth up rear what? What I was I was very happy to see Heather Thompson I am a big Heather Thompson fan and I think that
Starting point is 01:12:47 She is probably the most overlooked housewife that we've had because she she she was good and I was like happy to have a moment to see her again I was also happy to see the return of Karen Duffy who In actress from the 90s who's also Carol's friend. I was like, hey, that's cool. Um, but yeah, what I saw the return of candy crash because that's what I did during this season. Yeah, Carol basically was running and she's like, I'm more scared than when I walked to ABC news.
Starting point is 01:13:19 This is hard. I'm running and my left knee is throbbing. I don't know why my left knee is throbbing. I'm like, because you have a pron throbbing. I'm like because you have a pronated left foot. I'm watching it right now. Welcome to the club. When I was a journal is I went to Afghanistan and this is the scariest place I've ever been. I'm like really Carol, scarier than Afghanistan. All right then. You know we're still at war there Carol right geez and then she's like just like in Afghanistan There's no support. This is all on me
Starting point is 01:13:49 And then we went to commercial and we came back and they're still running Carol I was a go I know so six hours later. She literally six hours later. She crosses the finish line and tinsies there And so our Eric and Jeremy who are their like their friends and then Adam is there and Carol's parents and everyone's like crying and hugging and I thought it was a nice moment you know it wasn't like the most captivating TV I was like this is nice now I'm ready for like the big final scene of the episode where Dorenda yells at someone and it was just like the end I was like okay I know please Please let us be the end of it though because Carol's opening
Starting point is 01:14:30 line for the season is life is a marathon so I'm gonna keep running it or whatever the hell the hell the line is and I was like oh no. Marathon of life. I'm in a marathon. But it's like the marathon of life. None of your friends support you except for a send me who wants to go support somebody you just stand there all day in the rain waiting for somebody to finish also you have to go to stat myland and i'm telling you this right now Carol would not go to stat myland for anybody i just uh... i think it's funny that she burned through her season arc into episodes well let's hope because if that's her opening mind, it's not supposed to last the whole
Starting point is 01:15:05 season. That's what I'm saying. It's sort of weird. But anyway, I think the reason why they ended it with the marathon, because then they had a very brief tribute to a cameraman, who I remember reading the article about him. He was on a motorcycle and died. So I think that they, I think it would feel weird to go from a hilarious drunken, dorenda sonial, Luan fight, to then be be like and now rest in peace, you know, it wouldn't be ridiculous because his name was happy
Starting point is 01:15:32 No, his name was Danny. Oh, I thought it said Danny happy something He said his name happy. Oh, maybe it was I don't know like a print not parentheses, but quotation marks I think or maybe that's just how my sick memory made this all okay. Either way, it was very, well that part was not funny, but the rest of the episode was hilarious. It was never that part with the cameraman died, that was hilarious. Okay, anyway, so we are gonna be back tomorrow
Starting point is 01:16:01 to talk some Southern chum and guys, be sure to buy your tickets to our Irvine show It's gonna be our last southern California show for quite some time and then we have a whole bunch of shows coming up in like Phoenix And in San Francisco you gotta get those tickets guys gotta get them Because otherwise I will cry so until then we'll talk to you tomorrow guys. Bye everybody! Bye! and Apple Podcasts.
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