Watch What Crappens - Shahs of Sunset, Anniversaries on Atlanta, and Top Chef Reunion
Episode Date: March 13, 2012Shahs of Sunset, Anniversaries on Atlanta, and Top Chef ReunionSee acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy P...olicy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey everyone, this is Watch What Crappens, a weekly podcast devoted all to Bravo.
I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and with me is Matt Whitfield from Yahoo.
Hi Matt.
Hey Ben, nice to be back.
Nice to have you back.
And also Ronnie Caron from TVgasm.
Hi Ronnie.
Hey everybody.
Shabbat Shalom.
Shabbat Shalom.
Shabbat Shalom.
Other truckers.
Pishy Pishy.
You know, it's really not Shabbat, but it feels like it's Shabbat Shalom. Shabbat Shalom, other truckers. Pishi Pishi.
You know, it's really not Shabbat, but it feels like it's Shabbat right now because I'm so happy.
Because Shaz of Sunset premiered last night.
There's been a lot of promotion behind this.
Ryan Seacrest is behind it.
And for those who have been under a rock, it's basically like Jersey Shore except with 30-something Persians in Los Angeles.
What did you guys think about it?
I was initially terrified and I immediately fell in love.
What about you, Ronnie?
I thought it was kind of boring, but I did like the old mean moms.
I thought that was really fun.
The mean mom was great.
I was not bored at all. I was more aligned with Matt, which is that it wasn't so much that I was terrified and then I grew to love it. I was like simultaneously terrified and loving
it at the same time. It was horrific. These people are awful, awful people, but I couldn't stop
watching. I could not. I mean, we live here in Los Angeles. We see the Persian community a lot,
and it was really interesting to me to sort of see a little bit more than what we see from the outside.
And I don't know if I was totally happy
with what I saw either, by the way.
I wasn't that impressed, to be honest with you.
Like, MJ's apartment looked like
either your apartment or my apartment.
Thanks, thanks. You're not impressed with my apartment.
What I'm saying is, is there
real money here? I don't know. You know what?
I'm slightly convinced
that MJ lives across the street,
I have to say.
When they showed
exteriors of her building,
assuming that was her building,
I think that's the building
that's across the street from me.
Which is not 90210.
No, it's not.
Although the Miz
does live in that building,
just so you all know.
I do love me the Miz.
But Ronnie,
what's your take on this?
Because, you know,
Ben and I, you know,
are not from that
part of the world.
Yeah, you're from the Levant.
So feel free to tell us what the real deal is. Tell us about the world of credits. Well, Ben and I, you know, are not from that part of the world. Yeah, you're from the Levant. So feel free to tell us what the real deal is.
Tell us about the mortal crevice.
Well, first of all, I'm from El Paso, Texas.
Okay.
I'm half Lebanese, but I'm not half Persian.
That's apparently kind of the same, actually, now that I've seen it.
The gay guy with the mustache, that's all my uncles.
They all look like that, and they all think they're GQ models.
Well, you know, the thing is, that guy Reza, they showed some pictures of him from his youth.
He wasn't bad-looking once he lost the weight.
They showed his awesome-
Oh, he was gorgeous.
In those pictures they showed, he was stunning.
And there were actually some pictures on BravoTV.com, and you see him.
There was a period of his life where he was really hot.
And then there's now.
And I don't know what happened.
He would be a hot
older guy if he didn't have
that mustache.
It ages him dramatically.
He's probably 29, 30 years old,
but he looks like he's 55.
He's probably 37. And he looks like he's 48.
Reza is the biggest
fame whore of the bunch, and it's
been very fun watching him on
Twitter. Oh, really? Why?
Because the week leading up to it,
he was just all over the place.
He tweeted us his videos.
He's making these Reza
Rants videos, and in case you guys didn't get a chance
to watch them, the first one was
grooming, and it was basically him
sitting there staring at a camera going,
What's up with grooming?
You guys don't
take care of yourselves.
I go to a nice restaurant, I have to sit next
to you on flip-flops, and your feet are disgusting
and have cheese all over them.
Take a shower.
Wash your hair.
You don't sound like you're from Texas right now, Ronnie.
I know.
It sounds like your roots are really coming through.
I've watched that video so many times.
I don't know if I can.
Brush your teeth.
I look like Ricky Ricardo.
You think that's easy?
It's work.
It's grooming.
As awful as he is, he was the guest on Watch What Happens Live with Nene last night.
Yeah.
Just because it was a big premiere night for that show.
And he was actually kind of awesome.
He, I understand that he is trying to become, you know, this next big breakout star.
And he actually very well could be the Nene or the Bethany Frankel of his cast.
But he really was like a nice guy on the show last night, which is surprising.
And I do also, because of his like
coming out story, you know, I give him some bonus points there. I mean, he seems to me pretty awful,
but I also can't tell if he's awful, like if he's awful on purpose. Like sometimes when he's saying
some of the retarded things that he was saying, I couldn't help thinking that he was just being
hugely tongue in cheek and knowing he was making good tv because he was
he was pretty awful and i also don't understand how he could release a video about grooming when
you have the rapist mustache is one of the cast members called it plus that weird hairstyle he
has it's sort of like a buzz cut with like a wave in the front i mean it's ricky ricardo 2012
and you know that he's got a little comb for that mustache. Oh, you know.
Both groups.
Yeah, oh, you know.
Well, here's the thing.
I actually have a friend who is friends with him and said that he actually, my friend was with Reza and they were filming, I guess they filmed a scene together.
This was like a few months ago.
And my friend is a very smart guy.
And I can't help but think that Reza has
to be alright. If my friend
approves of this guy, he has to be
okay in some way. Well, the only part
that Reza was really unbearable
to me was when they were all ganging
up on the poor homely girl.
She always comes dressed
like a belly dancer, so at least she's
making an effort. And then he started that
shit at the table and pretended like he wasn't the one who said it.
And she did look like a fucking mess.
She did, but to be fair, people who live in glass houses with marble columns should not be throwing rocks, okay?
Because she may look like a belly dancer, but they all looked – I don't even know the right term for it.
I don't know, but it's going to sound offensive, so go there.
It's going to be offensive.
It's just –
Well, because normally we'd say, oh my god, they look so Persian.
Yeah, I know.
Well, the thing is, because, like, you know sometimes you go to a store, and you see,
like, an awful, like, Armani shirt that just says, Armani, and it just looks gaudy and
tacky, and you're like, who buys that?
Well, it's the cast of Shazza Sunset, and so...
Yeah, those gold shirts.
I don't know how you describe... I don't know what the word is to describe what their look is.
Because if Asa is belly dancer, they are anti-belly dancer in the worst possible way.
Well, I think you hit the nail on the head, Ben, when you said that he is clearly trying to become this breakout star.
And he's acting like an asshole so that the camera follows him.
That's clearly the case.
Ramona Singer might be insane, but I actually think that she is performing to make good TV.
Yeah.
And I think that he is going to be the one on this cast to do that.
Yeah.
Now, Assa, now what do we think about Assa?
Is it Assa or Assa?
I'm going to call her Assa,
because I feel like Assa sounds very non-version.
It sounds very Assy.
Yeah, it sounds very Assy.
They'll, like, clearly cast her so that she can be the punching bag for the season.
So I hope she's prepared.
Which made me automatically like her the most, by the way.
Because she is the punching bag already.
She smells like a rose butter.
They didn't show this last night, but I love the part in the previews where they show her singing.
And she's like, have you guys seen Absolutely Fabulous?
How Adina always sings this stupid song because she thinks she's a pop star?
And it's basically just, walking down the road, and the sun is out.
It's a terrible song.
And she literally sings that in the preview.
So you're like, I'm the singer.
Walking down the road.
Walking down the road.
I'm not going to speak a word against the woman who delivered for us the epic Persian summer jam that was... Tarantulas.
Oh, yeah.
I know that's going to be blasting at every pool party that I go to.
I actually did like that song.
Did you?
I was like, that was good.
No, we were joking.
And you actually have already downloaded it.
That's because you are half Persian slash Lebanese
it's in your veins just own it but I love when she's telling the guy the lyrics and she goes
it'll make more sense in Farsi yeah I'm sure it will yeah and I love that they showed the little
clip of like a little music video that she did that was like recorded on VHS you know of her
like just wafting in a pond or something like that like I do question her art you know, of her, like, just wafting in a pond or something like that. Like, I do question her art, you know.
That is for sure. Yeah, I feel like she's
really into, like, natural births in pools
and, like, lots of
candles. But here's where she earns points
with me. First of all, she did say that
money doesn't buy you style, which I agree with.
Even though she looks like a belly dancer,
it's, like, her own style. Oh, honey.
Poor people always say that. Yeah, well, wait.
I'm sorry. The Countess Luanne. That's the lyrics to the countess luann song right well good well i think there should
be a farsi version of that oh remix farsi yeah the farsi remix of you know chic c'est la vie
you know she's say levant you know um but anyway uh i but i actually what i also really liked from
her was that she was the only one of the entire cast that seemed to have like some self-awareness or to be slightly embarrassed by the tacky excess of her peers.
You know, everyone else seemed to think like if you buy that shirt from Bloomingdale's that says Armani on it, like that's awesome.
That means you've made it.
It's like, no, that means you're awful.
Yeah, but here's the problem.
She fucked with Gigi.
And if you fuck with Gigi, you're going to die.
Okay. You know what?
She had every right to fuck with Gigi, because okay, let's first talk about Gigi, and then
we'll talk about their little argument, okay?
So Gigi, to me,
she looks like the Persian Lauren Conrad,
but I actually don't mean that in a bad way.
I mean, not that it would be a bad way, but I think she actually looks
pretty hot. She definitely is hot.
I mean, when she went to that gun range, and her
little booty shorts and the sparkly... Oh god you guys are horrible people how can you say that it looks hot
she i mean okay she is that girl she doesn't like handsome ugly people and i think those are pretty
big words from somebody who can't get a proper nose job bitch can't move her nose half her eye
is closed and the other half is open she She got some Botox put in wrong.
And she's calling other people ugly.
Well, I think she actually does look hot.
I do question. She actually gets her hair did unlike the other ladies on this show.
But that being said, I mean, she's a hideous human being.
Oh, no doubt.
She's hideous.
I mean, if she's supported by her daddy, you know, I don't think that's great.
But you know what?
Whatever.
If he wants to pay for her and she's okay with it,
fine. Do it. But she is a spoiled
brat. Yeah. And she
should own the fact that her dad pays all the bills.
So then when Asa
mentioned this at dinner at 14,
which is a... A whole other story.
A whole other story. We can get into that in one second.
You know, Gigi
got very defensive about that. Like,
don't you talk about my father.
You don't talk about my family.
I don't want to hear that coming out.
And then she said, I'm not threatening you.
I'm warning you.
But it was clearly a threat.
I don't know how you can warn without threatening.
Right.
Especially after she was at the gun range.
Yeah, exactly.
And of course, what, what really preceded this argument was that, um, Asa made the huge
mistake, egregious mistake, of mentioning H&M
in the general vicinity of Gigi,
who had no choice
but to interpret that
as an insult on her fashion sense.
Well, hello,
she was wearing a
Diane von Furstenberg dress
and Christian Louboutin heels,
so how dare you?
How dare you?
How dare you call that H&M?
Well, the thing is this,
the funny part is that
I don't think Asa was calling it H&M.
I don't think she was really saying anything about Gigi's style. She just made a joke about H&M. Well, the thing is this. The funny part is that I don't think Asa was calling out H&M. I don't think she was really saying anything about
Gigi's style. She just made a joke about H&M.
But because Gigi was there
and sort of like vaguely
within like earshot
or slash eye contact,
Gigi assumed that this was a targeted attack
on her. And that to me was the most
amazing thing of all. I mean, I think H&M
looks nice. Well, I know that
Asa can't fit into
H&M because I've tried shopping there
and that's not made for chunky people. You have to
be skinny. That's the only bitch at that table
who could fit into H&M is that
wonky-eyed girl.
Listen, for the
person who created the epic
Persian summer jam that is Tarantulas,
I think H&M might make a custom
piece.
Just saying.
Yeah.
So some of us will at least be able to buy
some jogging pants from H&M.
From the Tarantulas line.
Do you actually think that Gigi is worse than MJ?
Because MJ is kind of a hot mess.
In a weird way, I like MJ.
MJ is a hot mess.
So MJ is the one who
doesn't want to get married. She doesn't want to have kids.
She has the overbearing mother.
She has an overbearing, hilarious mother.
She has the two mall dogs.
It's double-edged
because they're the dogs that you buy at the mall,
but they look like people
from the mall, so they're really fat and out of shape.
She bought them
at the Beverly Center, and they
probably used to work at the Cinnabon.
Oh, yeah, exactly.
And she puts them up at the dog hotel on Fairfax.
I always wondered who actually went to that stupid
dog hotel. Right, exactly. Again, not
in Beverly Hills. No, not Beverly Hills.
On Fairfax. Yeah, they don't call it the Shaw...
No, I'm sorry, it wasn't Fairfax. It's on La Brea.
Which is 90036, maybe.
How dare they?
Who would live in that zip code?
I do.
I know.
But however, though, I do have my suspicions that MJ lives across the street from me.
So, gosh, it's all just a huge mess.
But the point is this.
You know, the thing is, MJ had a few funny lines.
I don't really remember what they were, but I remember that I did laugh a few times.
And her mom was funny.
And, I don't know, they kind of won some
points for me. Well, she thinks that she's hot
because when she went to that realtor... Yeah, that's a problem.
When she went to that realtor get-together,
the fact that she has a job at, what is it,
Ancient Art, Keller Williams, kind of
blows my mind. But she shows up there, and
Reza's like, oh, you look so hot.
And she goes, I am!
They do a twirl! Oh my god.
You guys, I think she's so pretty.
You don't think she's pretty, MJ? No.
Ronnie, you need to get recalibrated.
If you think Gigi is ugly and MJ is hot...
Because this is why. You guys
equate skinniness. I don't think you do it
on purpose, but I think the natural
thing to do is equate skinniness.
I'm talking about MJ's face.
No, no, no. I'm talking about MJ's face.
Are we podcasting with Asa right now?
Is this Asa who's on the...
I don't know.
Her face is so pretty, you guys.
Just because she's fat.
I'm eating M&M's
while we're doing this, by the way.
Even if MJ were thin, I don't know
that she would be the hottest.
That's my point.
Approaching this in a way that won't offend her
if she ever hears this.
I think she's just like a typical fat gag.
She's super insecure.
She hangs out with a semi-fabulous,
at least in his mind, in her mind, gay guy
that's super confident
and kind of makes his way through a room.
And that's the only way she can do it
because when she was around all those girls
trying on bridesmaids' dresses... She flipped out. Oh, she flipped out. She told the bride way she can do it because when she was around all those girls trying on bridal bridesmaids dresses
she flipped out
she told the bride she's like well you know
you're just going to get divorced
she's clearly the Melissa McCarthy because like
every group of hot girls needs a fatty
there to make them all look and feel better
and that's why Gigi should really
re-examine her statement about hating aunts
and ugly people because as a hot girl
you always need the ugly girls.
Yeah, she needs some ugly girls around her
to make her look extra hot
and to make that wonky eye disappear.
And if you're listening right now
and thinking that we sound extra callous,
I can tell you that I took a social psychology class
and it's an actual social psychology thing
where it's called basking in the reflected glory
where an uglier person hangs out with a hotter person
because it makes them look good, and a hotter person hangs out with an ugly
person because it makes them look good
in a different way. Everybody re-examine
all of your friendships right now.
It's all the circle of life, and everything
is wonderful. Whatever.
MJ is pretty. I'm standing up
for the fat girl. You guys just hate fat people.
And also, you know what? I'm standing up
for her because her mother is such
a horrible human being.
Let's talk about that, Mom, because I don't really
understand, like, so there's
Muslims, and then
there's Jews, and then
people, like, what's going
on? Because I'm dumb. I'm dumb.
Let me do a quick course
for Matt. So Islam and
Judaism are two religions. I understand that.
And some people in Iran are Muslim and some are Jewish, but a lot of the Jews, I guess, left.
All the Ashkenazi Jews.
I'm Jewish, so I can give you extra perspective on the fact that they're called Ashkenazi Jews.
And that's basically the story there.
Okay, but MJ's mom clearly hates the Jews.
Yeah, it was actually kind of funny the sheer amount of times there was a lot of Jewish – it wasn't really bashing, but stereotyping.
But kind of, yes.
But I kind of gave it a slide because I'm like, you know what?
This entire show – like I know when I podcast, I'm going to be making a lot of generalizations about Persians.
So I'll let them generalize about us Jews a little bit because, you know what?
I'm going to be going at it pretty hard the other way.
No, but you know what, though?
So let me ask you this.
Ronnie, you're not Jewish, are you?
No, he is from Iraq.
No, I think that their religions are the same as ours.
They have different kinds of – they're Muslim, they're Christian, they're Jewish.
They just haven't been in America long enough to reach where we are, which is that don't give a crap part where, like, your parents may be one thing, but we don't care.
I mean, Ben, honestly, like, when you light the candles, like, how Jewish are you, Ben?
Well, that's what I'm getting at.
I will take out my menorah right now.
Are you going to have a Shabbat dinner for us on Friday?
I would love to.
You need to host a Shabbat dinner.
I'm going to have a Shabbat dinner for us on Friday? I would love to. You need to host a Shabbat dinner. I'm going to have a Shabbat dinner.
Ronnie is only half invited. I'm only inviting
his Texas side.
You know why? Because I'm fat.
I'm inviting MJ next door.
As the resident Jew
of this podcast, you have to speak
on all things Jew.
As I often do.
Do the women start to just
get ugly
once they get married and just lose themselves, or
what? Well, um...
That's what MJ's mom was saying, right? I mean, that's what she was saying.
You know, here's the thing, okay?
I, of course,
this woman was making huge
generalizations that may not
even be based on anything, maybe based on, like, one
woman that she met. I don't know, I thought it was funny.
I think people need to relax. Would you date a Jewish girl in her 30s
that was single? Um, I would
date a Jewish guy in his 30s.
Would you date Mike?
Uh, you kind
of think you kind of like Mike, don't you? Well, here's
the thing about Mike. So this is our last cast member that we
haven't talked about. Oh, let me guess. The hot
guy? Oh, come on.
We haven't talked about Sammy yet either. Oh, yeah, Sammy.
And he's disgusting, but let's go with Mike.
Mike.
Okay, Mike is like a muscle-clad guy and everything.
You know, he has like a swagger about him that's attractive.
But he also has a really greasy, disgusting look about him that's not attractive.
He has a midget face.
He has Iranian midget face.
What?
He has Iranian midget face.
Is that like a syndrome?
Yes.
Well, it's like regular midget face, but for Iranians.
You know, Gigi sort of has a midget face.
She definitely does.
And I mean that in the least offensive way possible to midgets.
But she sort of has that big round forehead, sort of like Rihanna, too.
You know?
Yeah, I only didn't make fun of her midget face because i figured it wasn't nice to
make fun of that because she can't change that but her nose well i already said that she was hot
so i'm just saying i'm not saying it as a detraction i'm just saying it as like
the features of her face are very similar to a lot of little people's features but haven't you
learned by now and in this podcast that i'm allowed to be a hypocrite but then every no one
else can make fun of anyone else we appearance. We figured that was the case.
We figured.
You sound a lot like Tamara Barney right now.
Wait, so what did you guys think about Mike?
I'm real, okay? I'm real.
I think Mike was okay. I mean, he's a perv.
He likes slutty, nasty,
poor girlfriend.
He likes his mom, Mommy.
He's a mommy's boy and he likes hookers that wear
fishnet.
Yeah.
You know, I don't think...
Wait, by the way.
Let's talk about Mike's girlfriend that he brought to this pool party.
She was wearing a bikini, and she had, like, a fishnet thing on top.
I didn't see what was so wrong about it.
She didn't even get chyroned, though, because she probably doesn't even have a name.
No, she did get chyroned.
She did?
Her name is Lara.
Oh, excuse me.
You just probably were, like, blinded by all the shimmering gold at the party.
I was blinded by peachy peachy.
The thing is this.
Okay, so I mean she did look sort of slutty, but that seemed like it wasn't because of her outfit.
I think it was more just her stance and her like lips.
But Gigi, Gigi's like, I can't believe she would wear that to a pool party.
I mean this is in Vegas.
What the fuck is she supposed to wear to a pool party?
She's wearing a bikini.
What's wrong with that?
Gigi is uptight and she wants to. She's a jealous bitch. Yeah, she supposed to wear to a pool party? She's wearing a bikini. What's wrong with that? Gigi is uptight
and she wants to ride Mike.
She eventually will
this season, fingers crossed.
Don't you think? They've got to hook up.
Yeah, they've at least got to kiss.
Down south.
She's got to handle those falafel balls,
I'll tell you that much.
OMG.
And you know what they have in common?
It's like Bethany Frankel said last week on her show.
Hot people like each other.
You just put hot people next to each other
and they'll automatically like each other.
It doesn't even matter what they're talking about.
That's so true.
It actually is true.
It actually is really true.
I mean, I think that Mike is hot.
There's a sleaziness.
There's actually a nice part about him
and there's a sleazy part about him.
He is the least detestable.
I think that he and Asa are clearly
the two that you might be able to root for.
I actually think
our last cast member, Sammy,
is disgusting, but I thought he was actually affable.
How?
I loved that guy.
He looks like Danny DeVito. It Doesn't mean we can't like him.
You know, I just wrote on my blog that he looks like
a long-lost character from Pinocchio. Doesn't he look like
a 1940s Disney, like a roly-poly character
that you see that's like a
chef or a baker? I'm just gonna be honest.
Anybody that wears a fedora,
I hate and want to kill. Well, he has to wear
that fedora. Well, why doesn't
he just say that? I'm bald and I don't wear
a fedora. Exactly, and you look great without a fedora. I doesn't he just see you i'm bald and i don't wear a fedora exactly and you
look great without a fedora i agree and i agree okay all right i think that i think that he looks
like danny devito before he met ria perlman and let himself go oh it's all blame ria yeah no danny
was danny was really hot before ria pre-ria days danny was a hottie okay well let's talk about like
where where do we think this series is going?
Do we love it? Do we hate it?
Ronnie clearly is not a fan. You and I are obsessed.
I think it's going in a good direction.
I think these are interesting characters.
Even when they're awful, they're interesting.
They've got good chemistry.
And it is sort of fascinating to see their culture.
I think hopefully it will go the Jersey Shore route,
which is that you start watching for the
rubbernecking value to see this crazy
peek inside this world,
but then you grow to actually like the characters
and feel like you're
drawn to their sweetness.
Are they that fabulous?
No, that's the whole point.
But do we know that because we live in LA
and we know that it's all like,
oh, actually your dog is going to that place on La Brea.
Oh, wait, you're leasing that C-Class Mercedes.
Or are they really – what are other people outside of L.A. thinking about?
I would like to – that's a good question.
I mean I would like to get –
They're disgusted across the board.
If you read the comment boards, people are like, this show sucks.
These people are disgusting.
And the ratings were really, really good.
Were they good?
Yeah, the ratings were good.
Well, they put it after Atlanta, which is the highest rated show on all of Bravo.
It was a very smart move.
Yeah.
And, I mean, I wasn't rooting for it because I don't like Ryan Seacrest and I don't want to – I didn't think that this was going to be a good fit for Bravo, which is my – you know, I love me my Bravo.
But actually, I think it's the perfect fit.
Yeah, it actually works very well because, you know what, it's like an extension of the
Housewives brand of just rich people acting opulently.
You know, people are the right age for Bravo.
I actually really, really enjoyed it.
And I think that actually, getting back to your question, I think people who are not
around maybe Persians as much as we are in the city, are still going to be sort of like gawking at it.
Because look at the scene where Mike was, I think Mike was at like his office.
And you see like three or four other Persian guys.
And they got their hair greased back.
And these nasty gold watches.
It's just ridiculous.
And I think anyone is going to react to that.
Right, Ronnie?
Oh, I thought that show was disturbing as hell.
Ronnie zoned out.
I thought that show was disturbing as hell.
It depressed me about humanity, and I'm going to watch it every week.
Good answer.
But you know what?
I think if anyone needs a spinoff, it's those moms.
I love the moms.
I love a mom who can tell their kid what a loser they are.
I love it.
Just like Sides the mom. I love a mom who can tell their kid what a loser they are. Yes. I love it. Just like Slade's mom.
It was actually hilarious when MJ's mom was bashing her house code and saying,
it was like, older than Tehran, older than all these random-
Peasant ladies.
Yes.
It was brilliant.
Yeah.
And, you know, by the way, I didn't get to finish what I was going to say about Sammy,
which is that, yes, physically he is not very attractive and he's skeezy and he likes these skeezy
ass stripper women, but there was something very
like, uh, sweet about him, I thought.
Hey, if he's a hard worker, fine,
but I'm just, these gross dudes
with, like, hooker girlfriends
just creep me out. So, can we talk
about 14 for a second? Now you want to hear some
generalizations, so... Tell
people what 14 is if they don't live in LA. Okay,
14 is the restaurant that they had the H&M
fight in. It's a restaurant
slash club, kind of, but not
really. Basically, I once saw Brody,
Jenner, and Frankie Delgado there. I think it gives you
any sort of idea of what the clientele is like.
But here's the thing.
So, I think I once heard from a club
promoter once before, and this is going to sound horribly
racist, but it's
been perceived to be a truism in LA that once a club goes Persian, it's over.
That's a horrible thing to say.
Send your hate mail to our Twitter.
This is what club promoters say, and I would like to say that 14 is now closed.
Yeah, 14 is now closed.
Is it?
Yeah, it's no longer in business.
When they showed that they were eating dinner at 14, I was like, oh, well, now it's kind of closed.
So why do you think that is, you guys?
I'll tell you why.
Because a lot of the Persian community out here really is very showy and like what we've seen on the show.
There's a lot of like gaudiness and tackiness and people
don't actually love being around that.
Whether it's Persian or non-Persian, people don't
love it. Would they rather be around Mary-Kate
and Ashley in some caftans and dark sunglasses?
People would because
Mary-Kate and Ashley are famous and
the city works that way.
Unlike Frankie Delgado.
People don't like it.
Sometimes it can get loud and rowdy, you know?
Well, don't get me wrong.
I actually think that people are going to watch this show because they are rooting against them because people are racist.
People are racist, yeah.
And it's...
People are racist and they're also classist.
And I think that this is the perfect combo.
Like, when you're watching The Real Housewives of New York, you kind of have to hate on Luann, even though I know you and...
But we all love her.
But you're rooting for these people's lives to fall apart because they're rich bitches.
Well, these are rich bitches.
And then I think a lot of America that is watching this show is also racist.
Yeah.
And so they can hate them for multiple reasons.
Right.
Now, what's interesting is, you know, I actually didn't really come into it from this perspective,
but I wonder if there are a lot of people that came into the show from an anti-Muslim
perspective.
But not all of them are Muslim.
Right, but I'm saying people...
Well, to Americans they are.
Anybody who's Middle Eastern is a terrorist.
That's what I'm getting at. So whether they're Muslim,
Jewish, or none of the above,
I think that's a reason why people are going to tune in
because they kind of just want to hate them,
which is unfortunate, and they're not giving them a fair shot.
Right. But I do think that that's what's happening.
I only want to hate them because they're tacky, not because they're muscle.
Yeah, exactly.
I just want to hate them for that mustache.
They should all be punished for Reza's mustache.
Yeah, exactly.
When they said that if Reza was in Iran right now, he'd be put to death, I think it's really just because of the mustache.
I don't think it's because he's gay.
Oh, sorry.
You were going to say something?
Well, I was going to say something? No, I was just...
Well, I was going to say
we probably need to, you know,
start talking about Atlanta,
but that other thing
that was freaking me out
was that creepy dude
that Reza was showing houses to.
Oh, yeah.
Who was that creepy dude?
Well, at first,
I thought it was a client,
and then...
But is it secretly his boyfriend?
He watched him shower.
Yeah, Reza went and took a shower
in front of his client,
which seems like it's not totally kosher. Ronnie, do you shower in front of his client, which seems like it's not totally kosher.
Ronnie, do you shower in front of your coworkers?
Are you kidding?
I cover the mirror when I take a shower, so I don't even have to look at my damn self.
I'm going to shower in the middle of this podcast.
I don't know.
Not when I'm here.
Especially because you're here.
No, I'm not very comfortable with my pastiness.
I keep that private.
I don't know.
I think it's a little strange that he would shower in front of a client.
He's totally doing that guy.
Yeah, they have to be doing each other.
Clearly, clearly.
Yeah.
And that guy sort of looks like Kevin Sorbo, I'd like to add.
Just for no other reason.
Like a rough Kevin Sorbo.
Like a rough Kevin Sorbo.
Maybe it was Kevin Sorbo.
You know, Kevin Sorbo's had a rough few years, I imagine.
Speaking of a rough few years, let's talk about Peter from Atlanta.
Because he's a mess and I hate him.
He's awful.
Okay.
He has really become a bigger and bigger and bigger asshole.
So, um.
Is everybody here Team Mallory?
Because I'm so Team Mallory.
I mean, she has her flaws, too.
She needs to shut up, too.
But I am Team Mallory. I mean, she has her flaws too. She needs to shut up too, but I am Team Mallory.
So here's the thing.
It was like the continued saga of the one-year anniversary party,
which is a ridiculous enough party as it is.
Peter, so the show begins with Cynthia like moseying in behind Peter.
He's talking to some vendor on the phone,
and he gets all mad at her for listening in.
And he's like, you've got to trust me that I'm going to produce a great party within our budget.
And she's like, well, how is that going in the budget?
He's like, well, I need a few thousand dollars.
How is she supposed to trust him?
Well, she married him.
You know, it's like when those girls call you crying because their relationship sucks.
It's like, listen, bitch, I told you the first five minutes you dated him that he was a piece of shit.
And you called me a bitter old lonely queen.
So now you're stuck with him.
I have no pity for her.
No one has pity for Cynthia.
Let's get that clear.
No one has pity.
But, I mean, is this the most ridiculous thing?
It is, and it's not like the Bailey Modeling Agency is, like, something that we know of.
Oh, you just wait.
You just wait.
I just signed.
There's no petty cash there for Cynthia to to like you know dig into and the funny thing is if
you look when they do like an exterior shot of their townhouse that they are clearly renting
if you notice the shutters are falling apart on the upper windows it's like they can't even fix
the fucking shutters on their rented townhouse how are they going to have a ten thousand dollar
party oh wait because sarok is going to sponsor it.
Yeah, I was going to say,
they didn't even spend any money on that.
The place that they were at,
they showed the guy on camera,
that horribly spray-tanned plastic surgery guy,
they showed him on camera and put his name up there
because that's what he did it for.
He did it for the credit.
He put his site on there.
And everything, they showed all the brands
of everything that was being served at that party.
We got close-ups of all of that.
What did they pay for?
Nothing.
But even so, even if they wound up not paying for anything, they couldn't, well, I guess maybe because they're on Bravo, they could guarantee it.
But in general, if you are living beyond your means, like $10,000 is not a small chunk of change.
I'm sorry.
Spend, like, $500
and get some food
and have people over at your place.
She didn't even want that.
She just wanted to go out to dinner with her man.
And he was like,
well, we have to because
of the people that we run with,
we've got to impress them.
Are these the values
that you really want in your marriage?
Well, if you're going to put that on TV,
you're essentially saying, yeah, we're poor trash and we're trying to play along, but we can't.
Yeah.
Well, the people they run with are all broke too.
At least half of them are.
Yeah.
So I don't know what they're talking about.
They're all trying to impress each other the most.
And the funny thing to me was that on top of the fact that it's unnecessary to have a one-year anniversary party for 150 people for $10,000, on top of all that, they made a black tie?
I mean, is this the most excessive use of black tie of all time?
I mean, I feel like maybe next week on the podcast we should be black tie.
Why not?
We're going to shower this week and we'll be black tie next week.
Well, maybe they're on like Downton Abbey standards where black tie is actually considered casual and white tie is fancy, you know?
Although Peter was in white tie.
He was.
He loves a white tie.
I was a little scared when Peter went off to the party in, like, a stupid polo shirt.
I was like, you cannot be serious that this counts as black tie, this polo shirt.
What about the limo not showing up?
I mean, it was just shady from the get-go.
I know.
I was glad that limo, especially with all the...
Well, okay, so let's get back to mel here because so peter says
he doesn't want mel riding in the limo which i actually thought that was a reasonable request
because it's the they hate each other that's that's makes sense so then so then cynthia tells
mal is it mel or mal i think it's mallory yeah yeah sells mal like oh so you can't come in the
limo and she's like no i'm coming in the limo like have some self-respect woman like they said
don't come and you're gonna like the only try to climb into this anniversary. But she didn't even say she's not going to come.
She didn't even say that.
She goes, I'm going to ride.
I'm going to ride.
I'm going to ride.
Which made me like her more.
And let me tell you, if anybody needs some self-respect, it's Cynthia.
This chick is hot still.
I mean, she's over 40.
She's fantastic.
She's, like, 45.
She's still hot.
She used to date Russell Simmons.
What is she doing with this deadbeat? Does she have, I mean, her ex over 40. She's fantastic. She's like 45. She's still hot. She used to date Russell Simmons. What is she doing with this deadbeat?
Does she have, I mean, her ex-husband is hot.
Like, her daughter is beautiful.
Why is she with this loser?
Everyone in her life is hot except for Peter, you know?
So why is she with him?
Peter all drunk and red-eyed and stoned all the time.
He is stoned.
And calling out Mallory on the microphone two times at that wedding.
He is stoned all the time. Let's give a toast to the friends and family and Mallory on the microphone two times at that wedding. He is stoned all the time.
Let's give a toast to the friends and family and Mallory.
Hey, let's have everybody out here except for Mallory.
He is such an asshole.
Even if he doesn't like her, I mean, that's your sister-in-law.
Don't call her out in front of the entire group.
I mean, he really is a lowlife, a true lowlife.
But again, a mother worth her
weight in gold when she's like,
I'm surprised. We didn't think
he'd last a year. Yeah, and then Mal's like,
shocked. We were shocked. I kept on waiting for her to be like,
oh, just kidding. Congratulations.
No, they were honest.
I was like, you guys are the biggest bitches.
I wonder why Cynthia's with this
deadbeat because she feels so crappy about herself
with these people.
She doesn't think she deserves any better than Papa Smurf.
Well, bad decisions, you know.
If your mom is good and you're making a bad
decision, she should tell you.
I mean, yes, I come home from Christmas crying, but
it's not
that she's wrong.
Bad decisions sounds like Cynthia and Bryson should get together
and I come up with a
career and life plan. That would work
out real well. Okay, now let's
switch now because now we're talking mothers.
Okay, now let's look at Nini as a mother.
I did everything right. I told him
right from wrong that you just bought him a car
for doing nothing
but sitting around and smoking weed all day.
I love all that. How about being a good mother?
I also love how she and Greg were imparting life
advice to Bryson while they're both holding two giant glasses of mimosas.
Right.
And let's be honest.
They were not in champagne flutes.
They were like.
They were not.
They were big goblets.
I know.
Although, to be fair, can I tell you guys a quick little story?
Yesterday, I went and got some drinks in the afternoon with some friends.
And this waitress was brand new.
Waitress slash bartender.
And I asked for a Prosecco.
She poured me an entire, like,
water glass full of Prosecco.
Are we going there right now?
It was a great deal.
Oh, we're going.
We're going.
Rami, hope you're free in 30 minutes.
She also didn't know what rosé was.
When my friend asked for rosé,
she goes, is that a white?
And then she brought it out.
She goes, I think this is your rosy wine.
I already love her.
Was that at 14?
Oh, wait. I was was like she's like she's
like i'm dating this great new guy named bryson and uh he got me these two new razors and um okay
well in addition to so ronnie why is nini like a terrible mom because she like left her son to
do drugs all day and go to jail while she went to celebrity apprentice because she bought him a car
like why is she because she aired all his dirty laundry on national TV.
Because his ass
should have been kicked out when he was 18 years old.
He should have been either forced to go to school
or get a job. He's laying around
this mansion that's not even paid for
doing nothing but smoking weed all day
and shoplifting from Walmart.
Get him out of there.
What's with the time frame? Get the hell out of my house.
It sounds like he's ready for an internship with Peter
at bar one
well he wants to own a restaurant
I think that's the natural progression
well where do you think he got that idea
because he's been hanging out with Peter
his new father figure
well I'm sure he's Peter's drug dealer
yeah actually probably
his weed dealer.
It wasn't racist, no.
You know what? Matt just made a face. He's like,
was that racist? It's not racist.
It's not racist, but you could be
attacked for libel or slander.
The thing that's so sad about Bryson is that
you just want to hug him. He seems like such a
sweet guy. No, he's a nice dude.
They're like, what'd you do?
Nini, why'd you do that? Just tell me why. I just want to know why. And he're like, what'd you do? Why'd you do that? Just tell me why.
I just want to know why. And he's like,
uh...
Did anybody else notice that her tits were hanging out?
Her tits were hanging out. She's drunk on doses.
Yes, she's drunk.
Her wig was on too.
Her tits hanging out.
The poor kid's acting out because his mom
is off doing famous things.
His dad is a grifter.
What else does he have to do with his life except act out to get their attention acting out because his mom is off doing famous things, his dad is a grifter, and, you know,
what else does he have to do with his life except act out to get their attention, to get them in the same room together to talk to him?
I don't know.
I think, like, he seems like a good kid.
Yeah.
Nini's younger son is adorable.
Yeah.
And I just hope that he can figure his shit out.
You know, a lot of the kids seem like actually really good kids, believe it or not, somehow
through it all.
Cynthia's daughter seems like a good egg.
Riley. Oh, Brielle
is amazing. Oh, wait, no, she's not.
Brielle is not. Actually, Ariana, though,
is. Oh, I love Ariana. She's an angel.
Brielle is awful. I think
that's because Brielle has been raised both by Kim and by
Sweetie. And therein lies the
problem. Right, and I'm sure she and Sweetie are
smoking cigarettes poolside right now.
Sweetie really is awful. As awful
as Kim is, I'm glad that Kim is finally
wising up to the fact that she's got an awful assistant.
Well, I mean, it would be different.
I mean, if Sweetie made $4 an hour, Kim's
getting her money's worth, but if she's paying her
$50,000 a year, she's getting fucked.
She's getting paid in Chardonnay and Chick-fil-A.
So no wonder why she has a terrible work ethic.
Well, I knew
things were going to go bad with Sweetie this season when it started off and Sweetie had a makeover.
She had like a new weave and she was wearing like silver eyeshadow and big fake eyelashes and thought she was important.
And I was like, oh, no.
Your help – you can never let your help get a makeover.
No, no, no, no.
Ronnie, is this from experience being Lebanese?
I know that when I look good and I feel good, I ain't cleaning up after anybody.
I'll do it when I'm fat because I feel like I need to pay something back to the universe.
Like I've done something wrong.
But when I'm pretty, I ain't lifting a finger.
Well, I do love how on Real Housewives of Atlanta especially, all the ancillary characters,
they always come back the next season
looking all prettified.
Like, Phaedra's mom looked prettier.
Candy's mom now has all these...
Candy's mom used to have, like, this big perm.
This big old lady perm.
And now she's got these wigs.
She has a wig line.
Yeah, exactly.
And now Sweetie's wearing makeup.
And, you know, Kim's dad is still, you know,
he hasn't done the makeup.
No, he's still wearing the cell phone belt clip.
Yeah, he's sort of hilariously dorky.
Charades gay Lawrence.
Oh, yeah.
He has stepped it up with some fake eyelashes.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Gosh.
Well, let's wrap up a few other things at this party.
Let's talk quickly about Marlo and her love for old white men.
Yeah, now, that was an interesting pair.
Michael Thugless.
Gross.
That guy was disgusting.
Why?
Where did you find that one?
I don't know.
I actually thought he was actually a handsome older man.
I mean, I wouldn't be into him.
He just looked short, but maybe anybody is short next to Marlo.
I do wonder where they met.
Like, how did that happen?
There must be, like, some pervy site for, like, old white dudes with fetishes.
Yeah, for men dressed likeishes. Yeah. For,
for men dressed like women.
That must exist,
right?
Ronnie?
Hey,
shut up.
Now,
what about Marlo denying that she said the F word?
And I don't mean fuck.
Well,
I say good for her.
How else are you going to fight that fight?
Just say deny,
deny, deny, deny, deny, deny.
Why would deny, deny, deny and hope that the editors leave that on the cutting room floor?
I mean, she had a look on her face like she knew.
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She knew she had said it.
And actually, what I sort of think is that
maybe she had forgotten that she had said it.
And then when this all came up,
she was like, no, I didn't say that.
But then as she's saying, no, I didn't say that,
she's starting to realize, oh, wait,
I think I said that you know
she was not tenacious in that fight
she just sort of laughed it off
well her original defense was
oh I was just talking
which means that
which means that yes
but I was fighting with Sharae so
I can say whatever I want you know
no jury would convict me
let me ask you guys this do you think that Sharae is having to stir the pot with this Marlo and the F-bomb Lawrence situation?
And also with kind of throwing Candy under the bus with Kim because she has nothing else going on.
And she's trying to give herself some screen time and make sure that she's on the cast next year?
I don't think she's doing it for screen time.
I think she's doing it because that's just what Sharae is.
I mean the Candy stuff was really bizarre. I
think the Marlo stuff with Lawrence,
that, like, honestly, like, if... That's legit, right?
That's a legit thing to bring up with someone like Lawrence.
And I feel like that was not really, like, stirring
the pot. That was her being, like,
an, oh my god, did you hear this crazy thing that
your friend Marlo said, you know?
Yeah. Well,
she's, I think she is doing it for
airtime because, look, last season they tried to let Sheree date, and that was embarrassing to all of us.
Her mansion is still not being built.
Her mansion is still a hole in the ground.
Yeah.
She has no job.
It's an underground mansion.
She's already tried to act.
She's already tried to – what else did she – oh, she by Sheree.
She's got to design, right.
So at this point, she's got nothing to do.
There's really nothing left for Sharae
except for her to talk about her bad knees, okay?
Like, I think next season,
the arc is going to be that she goes to, like,
physical therapy or something.
Poor thing.
Poor thing.
But you've got to love Sharae, though,
because she walks into that party,
and she's like,
I have to open the door for myself?
Okay.
And then she goes in.
She still is Queen B.
I'm sorry.
She's great.
I will forever love her.
And I think she's actually looking better this season because Marlo took on the...
Man look?
...tranny role.
Yeah.
So, like, Sheree is looking glam.
Yeah, she is.
Even with her bad knees.
Yeah, even with her bad knees.
And I do love that she showed up two and a half hours late, that everyone was just sitting
around.
She's like, oh, is this what the party's like?
I'm bored after five minutes.
You know, there was no helicopter,
no poet, you know, of course she'll be bored.
I love her.
I think she's so funny. And then just
the look of joy on her face when
Marla was getting confronted. She's just smiling
and smiling. And then
when Marla said, no, I didn't. She's like, yes,
you did. And they started doing
that weird noise fight thing
they do at a game.
What is that?
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
That was honestly
one of the strangest moments
in all of reality TV history,
I have to say.
What, when they were in Africa
and they started doing
that screeching?
It was just strange.
It was a real strange
primal moment.
Why wasn't Phaedra
at the party?
Why do you think?
She cutting into her cadaver?
Can we talk about that?
Because when,
like, okay, I can understand if you become
a mortician and you have, like, a career change,
but aren't you terrified?
Like, I'm gonna get cremated.
Like, Phaedra has made me decide
cremation is the way to go, because
how can a mortician
who's not even really a mortician
be given a scalpel
and be told,
go ahead and cut into these bodies?
Well, first of all,
it wasn't a real body.
They're going to let her do it tomorrow.
Yeah, it's going to happen.
How can she know how to use a scalpel?
Because she probably brought
a nice hummingbird cake beforehand.
It was like,
girl, I just made this cake.
Why don't you let me cut into that body?
Because Southern Bells can solve everything with a
hummingbird cake. She probably says,
I know the way to get
into any mortician's heart is to
come with a cake. So I brought a cake.
You know what I'm saying? And now I want
a hummingbird cake from Doughboys.
You know Phaedra probably makes a mean hummingbird cake.
She probably does.
How does anybody learn,
you guys?
They just, you know,
you have to practice.
Yeah.
And they're dead.
It's not like they're
going to be in pain.
That's exactly what
Phaedra's mom said.
So you get it right.
Yeah.
Practice makes perfect.
You people are crazy.
I would be honored
to be involved.
You'd be honored
to be cut up by Phaedra?
Yeah, except I don't,
except I don't think
she'd be able to
because I'll probably
be buried in, like,
a Jewish cemetery.
And that cemetery doesn't allow black people?
Well, no.
I think you need to have some sort of Jewish training to do that.
Oh.
And also you don't – Don't put it past her.
And you don't put makeup on the dead bodies.
Oh, you know what?
If she went through the Jewish training, then hell yeah, I would want her to embalm me.
But I don't think you really have to embalm with Jewish bodies because you don't show them.
to embalm me, but I don't think you really have to embalm with Jewish bodies, because you don't
show them. If I ever
make enough money to make this product,
I want to have a product that's hooked up
to your heart like a little chip,
and when you die, it knows that
you're dead, and it just explodes
you in your house.
Your computer, all the
porn files on your computer, everything's
gone. No one has to bury you. No one has
to come clean up or see you all dead.
Does it get rid of your naughty drawer?
Yes. Yeah. It
explodes everything.
Of course Ronnie wants to
blow himself up. He's half Middle Eastern.
Fletching my pearls.
Matt just
gassed over here.
I'm having a Brie Vandekamp moment.
This is not a PC podcast.
Well, maybe I can still get my virgins.
By the way, I said that tongue-in-cheek for anyone who thinks I'm truly racist,
although I guess it's too late now.
I think that ship has sailed.
That ship has sailed into the Persian Gulf.
Okay, let's move on to Top Chef.
Yes, speaking...
Speaking of terrorism.
Let's talk about Sarah.
Speaking of things that make me want to blow up.
Sarah still crying.
She cursed off Emeril.
That's what came out.
Yeah, let's get to the bottom of this.
Okay, so the reading pretty much starts off,
and Andy Cohen confronts Sarah and says,
rumor has it that you you cursed
off you said fuck off to one of the judges and sarah's like i never said that i would never say
that i can't believe that like i i didn't say that i didn't say that and i have so much respect for
emerald i would never say that to emerald so she's like no one mentioned emerald's name right okay so
she essentially like convicted herself on the spot right there
because nobody was saying what judge it was until she brought that up.
Yeah.
But here's my thing.
Like, do you really believe that this does not exist on camera somewhere?
Because I want that footage.
Fuck what is this top chef behind-the-scenes fake kitchen shit.
Yeah.
I want to see when Sarah talks shit on Emeril.
Yeah, it's got to have happened somewhere.
Last chance kitchen might ask.
They probably didn't air it because it's a happy moment for Paul,
and they don't want to sully it with this.
Yeah, but that would be amazing TV.
You would think they would show it.
Andy Cohen is a whore for ratings.
Come on.
Well, that was a massive failure.
Who was operating the camera?
Wasn't this reunion taped like five minutes after the show ended?
Because Beverly was still in the same clothes.
Was she? like five minutes after the show ended because Beverly was still in the same clothes. Yeah, I noticed that she was still
in her little Tweety Bird boobie
showcasing dress.
So I was wondering, because you know,
Andy does not give a crap about Top Chef.
He probably doesn't even watch that show. He only
watches Housewives. He doesn't care
about Top Chef. They didn't even do reunions
for some of the seasons. So I'm wondering
if he just said, okay,
we're on break from Watch
What Happens Live. You guys just
stay here. Well, I actually think
that they only did the reunion this year because so
many people hated Heather and Sarah.
Yeah. Had there not been two
bitch fucking villains, they would have not gone
there. Guys, I think there's been a reunion
for almost all the seasons. I think one or two
didn't have it, but anyway, the point is they had drama going on this season that's why they did it but
let's talk about heather because she is still just a big old bulldozer bitchy bulldozer i got
tangled up you know once they showed the clips of how a fucking obnoxious beverly is i don't
really blame heather you better Watch your mouth, bitch.
You better watch your mouth, bitch.
Beverly was so annoying and always in the way
and came off as a total insecure idiot.
So I was all for Heather being like,
you know, she does need some confidence.
So no, I don't know her in apology.
No, no, but she threw her own teammate under the bus
for no reason when they were on a winning team.
They were working together and they had already won.
It's obnoxious.
And she questioned her work ethic.
And also Beverly is great.
So to summarize, Ronnie thinks MJ is hot, thinks Gigi is ugly, and thinks Beverly is awful.
So clearly Ronnie is smoking something over there.
I heard sirens before.
Beverly is awful.
Yeah.
She's sitting there at the reunion and instead of just
saying, you know, I understand that sometimes
people are bitchy and yeah, it hurt my feelings
but I got over it. No. She has to sit there
and be a fucking victim the whole time.
Well, she was a fucking victim. She is a victim of
bullying, right? Oh, no. Get over it.
Get over yourself. You know, you see yourself
on TV. Have some pride.
She wasn't a victim because she wasn't
sitting there. She was trying to be very tactful and pride. She wasn't a victim because she wasn't sitting there, she was
trying to be very tactful and understanding. She was just
saying, I did feel that sometimes
people were ganging up on me. She wasn't like, they said
this and they did that.
And if Gail calls you a class act,
you're a class act. You are. You can't
deny that. You can't deny that, Ronnie.
You can't get higher praise than Gail calling you classy.
Yes. Gail
dresses herself.
That's all
I have to say about Gale's taste level.
Don't get me started on Padma's outfits.
Oh, she's horrible.
Padma can pull off anything, I'm sorry.
She has weird outfits on those, but Padma
is so flawless.
Padma almost made me like her more
than Gale because of that clip
where they were showing just
behind-the-scenes clips of shooting a really long
time and Padma just starts the
the slow clap
and everyone's stressed out and confused
and she goes congratulations
we have to give them credit they're all drinkers
they all like as soon as they walk into
any of these parties Padma's like
well let's stop by the bar before we try some
barbecue glug glug glugug, glug, glug.
I mean, I think that they have
a fun time on this show.
I love Padma.
It's been reported
that Padma smokes up
before all those scenes.
Yes, that was the big thing.
And clearly,
she and Charlize Theron
definitely did
before that episode.
Yeah.
They probably got into
Peter's stash a little bit.
I know.
And that's like
the Bravo pot bank.
Oh, I like...
That sounds like a good show. It's the pot bank. You totally see that. It's like, bravo pot bank oh i like that sounds like a good show it's the pot bank
you totally see that's like it's gonna take place at like one of these like
medical marijuana dispensaries pot bank with with randy cohen um okay this is boring but malibu
chris ended up winning uh viewers favorite i was pissed off at that well it was stupid they gave it
to him on watch what happens later that night but he was campaigning, which I think
is lame. I don't know anyone who
liked that guy. Anyone who
had really an opinion one way or another. Or that he thought that he was
uber talented. He was so middle of the pack.
He was so average.
He was as bland as one of Jamie's
scallops. That was
insidery right there. Can I tell you something? I went to
her restaurant yesterday. Which one? Because she
shuts five of them a year.
Oh, snap.
Yeah, her one on Fairfax closed.
Yeah, Vaudeville gone.
Beachwood.
Beachwood, she fucked up.
Now where is she?
Wolfslayer.
And this is the second time I've been there and I like it.
Really?
Yeah, I like it.
I think she finally found her calling, which is sausage, ironically.
Were scallops not on the menu?
There had to have been a scallop on the menu. I don't think I saw any scallops. It's German. It's German. Were scallops not on the menu? There had to have been a scallop on the menu.
I don't think I saw any scallops.
It's German.
It's German.
No scallops.
It's actually, it's tasty.
It's, I really, I've been there twice.
You like Jamie's sausage.
I like Jamie's sausage.
Okay.
I like what she has on display, but she does shut things down.
On display, on display.
I hope she doesn't shut down Wolf's Lair.
It's a beer garden.
It's fun.
No, it is fun, but she'll probably find some way to ruin it because that's her M.O.
Well, she's winning me over with Wolf's Lair.
Okay.
I hope that that girl who almost won Top Chef gets her own show.
Which one?
The girl who keeps crying.
It was so hard not to win Top Chef.
I think I should have won.
It was so hard not to win Top Chef.
I think I should have won. The only person that deserves a spinoff is Grayson because she is just bawdy and hilarious.
This is what we need to do.
We need to have a season called Top Chef Bitches.
They take all the bitches from all the past seasons and put them all together.
Love it.
You get Jamie.
You get Sarah.
You get Heather.
You get that one.
Remember that one really, really bitchy.
Tiffany?
Tiffany. I like Tiffany. Tiffany
wasn't a bitch. No, she wasn't a black girl.
She was the villain. She was not the
black Tiffany, the redhead Tiffany.
Oh, Tiffany. Tiffany
with the red hair is terrible. Do you remember that one
really lesbian, she was a really butch
lesbian. She was the season with Richard Blaze.
She made it to the final. Oh, yes.
They called her like Lisa. Lisa? She was the season with Richard Blaze. She made it to the final. Oh, yes. They called her like
Lisa. Oh, Lisa?
She was a huge...
They should just get all those bitches and get them all together
and see what happens. I think that would be fantastic.
Oh, and you know what? Watch what happens live.
I have to say this before we end.
Fucking watch what happens live. Can I just say
stop stealing our shit and never saying TVgasm
because the name Huna Brow comes from
TVgasm. Does it really?
Alejandra, yes, and he even tweeted
at us and said
something nice about his name when we were
recapping that, and poor little Alejandra
didn't even get a shout out. So Andy Cohen,
you better stop stealing shit.
Don't be getting too sassy with Andy Cohen.
We need him to hire all of us.
Fuck that guy. He's not going to hire us.
He's going to start another podcast
about all Bravo stuff, and he's
going to put Sarah Jessica Parker on his
mat, and then he's going to put
Time Daily on his me, and then
he's going to put on Rick Moranis'
B-side and call it a day and make a million dollars.
That would be the best show ever!
I'm like, okay, they could do that. I would totally, like, listen.
Let's just stop this podcast and have a
Time Daily, Rick Moranis, and Sarah Jessicaessica parker podcast that sounds fantastic do i look like a horse i don't
look like a horse um so let's see real quickly as we wrap up we've got what are the things we're
excited about we've got okay well let's talk about things that we're not excited about okay um ronnie
is the love broker not the worst show you have ever seen no i, I think it was better than Shaw's.
Oh, shut your mouth.
We're not even talking
to you anymore.
Okay, Ronnie's love
is mine.
Okay, the point is
Love Broker needs to be
canceled immediately
and this backdoor pilot
for the candy factory,
come on.
I didn't see it.
I was in Paris.
I love...
Okay, now we're not
talking to you.
I love Candy.
She's a great housewife.
Yes.
Candy is not big enough of a personality to hold her own fucking show. She's a great housewife. Candy is not big enough
of a personality to hold her own fucking show.
But I like watching her work.
I like watching her work with Jodie
Messina when she goes down country.
But she's not going to hold her own show.
I'm sorry.
What about Interior Therapy?
Are we going to go there? I think it's going to be fun.
I don't know. I guess I'll check it out.
To me it looks the same as flipping out.
It kind of is, but as long as Jenny Poulos is there, who cares?
Well.
I think she's a little high on herself these days.
Yeah.
When I met her at the Fox Reality Awards years and years ago, she was so nice.
I met her there, too.
I met her there, too.
She was great.
She was so nice.
Now she seems a little naughty.
Hey, I was there, too.
Shut up.
Were we all there?
Were we all there?
We didn't realize.
Was this the one at Avalon?
At Avalon.
At the top of Avalon?
I met her there also.
I was sitting with her and Jeff.
She was so nice.
Oh, I didn't watch the awards.
I was outside by the ice cream machine the whole time.
Oh, I was in the bar.
I went up to the, I was at the bar area.
Me too.
Yeah, and I met like Gina.
Gina was there?
Yeah.
Okay.
I met some, I met so many shows.
Oh, I didn't even watch those shows then,
but I hung out with Johnny Bananas the whole time
and got drunk.
Oh, Johnny Bananas.
Anywho, I'm going to watch Interior Therapy.
I'm excited.
I love Jeff.
It's the other highest rated show
behind Housewives of Atlanta,
so I think there's going to be a following there.
I love Jeff.
He's a freak.
He's an asshole.
I think he's actually nice.
He's great for TV. I don't think he's actually as much's an asshole. I think he's actually nice. He's great for TV.
I don't think he's actually as much of an asshole.
No, he plays it up.
I think he's actually very funny and nice.
He's playing a character.
And he gets agitated, but I don't think he's an asshole.
No, no, no.
I think he's an asshole for TV, which makes for great TV.
Yes.
Which means he's a genius.
Speaking of assholes on TV, I'm excited for the second part of the fight on OC.
I want Gretchen to eviscerate Vicky. Like, I am rooting
for Vicky to go down. She should just spray
Nair in her face.
See what happens. Wait, what second part?
That fight's not over. No, it's gonna last
for seven more episodes, Ronnie.
It's just starting, Ronnie.
You're already over OC.
I hope the love broker
is a supersized episode.
I know.
Ronnie, you need to take a pill and get back in sync with us okay
because this is out of control
whatever fat people haters
oh my god this is team just
whatever you need to get it together
because our podcast is falling apart
Shaz of Sunset is brilliant genius TV
it is
you guys Shaz of Sunset is hurtful to our nation.
How?
How?
Because it makes white people look bad.
It makes immigrants look bad.
It makes old people look way
better than they are.
How does it make white people look bad?
Because then we all sound racist when we talk about it.
Because white people are making it
and white people are the ones talking about it the next day and making prison jokes.
It makes Jews look bad.
But I wish Survivor was on Bravo.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, that kid.
Don't get me started.
Oh, my gosh.
That's not part of the Watch What Crappens brand, but we should talk about that one.
Yeah, another day.
We need to talk about that one.
We need to somehow make it part of the brand. Well, he's gay, so that sort of makes it part of the Watch What Crappens brand, but we should talk about that one. We need to somehow
make it part of the brand. Well, he's gay,
so that sort of makes it part of the Watch What Crappens brand.
I guess so. I mean, if any of our viewers
out there, our listeners out there,
would like us to talk about other shows as well on
another podcast, let us know.
Well, we could do the CBS
podcast. We talk about Amazing Race, Big
Brother, Survivor. We are definitely doing
something for that. We should one day. Oh, you know what?
While we're here, let me say one thing to people
listening. I love reading
comments on iTunes, so thank you everybody
who subscribes and leaves comments
because that's really awesome. But I wanted to address
one of the comments that says
we sound like we're so
above watching Bravo.
It's not that we're above watching Bravo.
It's that sometimes we feel like we should be, and we're not. not that we're above watching Bravo. It's that sometimes
we feel like we should be, and we're not.
No, we're not.
We are so below.
We are so below,
and the problem is we love it too much.
Yeah, I mean, look, we've been talking
an hour, and we're still so excited
and happy. And we're not getting paid for this, people.
We're just doing it for the love.
And while we're wrapping up, Ronnie,
someone wrote a comment.
You might want to give an update on TV Guys
and I think you guys are having some website issues.
Do you want to give the readers an update on your site
to make them feel okay? What did someone say
on your site? Someone
said somewhere along the way
saying, love the podcast
but what the hell is going on with TV Guys
these days? So I thought you might want to...
Oh, okay. Well, we got
hacked a couple weeks ago
by some little Indonesian brat
in Indonesia
basically blackmailing us and
saying he wanted us to run
ad code on our site
for free. So anyway, we had bad
security, and that took us down for a couple of
days. And while they rebuilt
our site to be a nice, secure site that looks like our other one with all the functionality, right now we're just using a regular WordPress theme.
So all the writing, all the recaps are still there.
All the writers are still there.
We're all still generating a ton of content every day.
It just looks different.
It looks a lot.
Hurry the fuck up.
It looks ghetto.
Well, unfortunately, I don't design that stuff,
you know, so I can't really do anything
except say thank you. No, I meant hurry up with this spiel,
not with fixing the site. Matt's getting...
Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, you asked me about anything
like that. If you give me a chance to complain
about something, we'll be here till tomorrow.
And Ronnie, where do we... Your site is up and running.
But we're up and running, yeah, yeah.
We're still around. We just look a little busted.
And we can follow you on Twitter at what?
You can follow at TVgasm or me personally at Flip It.
And then Matt is at?
Life on the M-List.
And I'm at B-Side Blog.
And then this podcast is at What Crappens?
Formerly W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-Wppins. W.W. Crappins is no more. No more. Now it's just What Crappins.
What Crappins.
What Crappins.
Okay.
And we should give a shout out to all of our friends at Sideshow Networks. Yeah, Sideshow Network, who's been carrying this podcast for some, doing the backend stuff
for us.
And all the readers and listeners.
Yes.
And we'll see you guys.
What?
Do you guys want me to talk more about WordPress themes?
No, we're done.
Stop talking. Okay. We're going to talk more about WordPress themes? No, we're done. Stop talking.
We're going to talk more about Shaws of Sunset and you can drop off. Yeah.
Anywho,
we'll be back next week. We will talk about
The Real Housewives of Orange County.
We're going to see where this fight goes. We'll obviously
have another episode of Shaws of Sunset,
the groundbreaking new, amazing
program. More Atlanta
and maybe some Bethany if we're feeling it.
Maybe some Bethany, maybe some interior whatever.
Yeah, we'll see what else happens.
If there's anybody.
Oh, there's amazing guests on Watch What Happens Live this week.
Like amazing.
Who?
Hot messes.
Who?
Just get ready.
No, it's a secret because I can't remember, but they're amazing.
Well, you know what I'm going to have to do?
I'm just going to have to watch what crap is.
What?
Big Ang.
Big Ang is on.
Well, there you go.
That's all you need to know.
All right, everyone.
Thanks so much for listening.
Another fun podcast.
Thanks, everyone.
Bye, guys.
Bye.
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