Watch What Crappens - Southern Charm: Barbie Queued

Episode Date: April 7, 2018

Southern Charm is back, and Thomas has a new Barbie to parade around. Don't worry, though. His white pants are exactly the same. This week's bonus is a chat about the RHOP premiere and the ending of Summer House. For all of our bonus episodes and other goodies, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens ***Crappens Live is coming to Chicago, San Francisco, Phoenix, Irvine, DC, and Atlanta! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends

That's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends You can also find us on social media on Twitter. We're at what crap ends on Instagram and Facebook at watch what crap ends We'll see you there I've got a crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, crab, Watch what crapens would like to think it's premium sponsors. Christy Wowardy-Dowardy. Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low. Megan Bird, he can't have a burger without the burger. Jess Sayon, okay. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. And our super premium Patreon subscribers,

Kelly Grant, Big Grant Master, Give them home, Miss Noel, and Lizzie Drucker, a fun motherfucker. We love you guys! Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast about all that crap we lived, talked about on EO Braves, our money care from the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast, and here I am with my gorgeous little bestie Ben Mantelker of the B-side blog in the Banta Blinda. Hello, Bean. Oh, hi, Ronnie. How are you? Welcome to Friday, Bats.

We met at, we made it through this epic week of Bravo Gifts from the Gods. I mean, we were doing, we did New York yesterday and, you know, Ronnie, I have to say, I was little shocked. I thought you were for sure going to name the episode Diana Ross Dress for less. I almost did. I almost did, but I don't know. Sometimes you have to take your own ego out of things, you know? Well, it's weird.

When we name our, when we name our shows, sometimes, like, I'll have something like, this is so good. And then I'm like, but let me just think maybe there's something better. And then you start to like, lose track of what's better than what. And then all of a sudden, like, you emerge with some crazy pun that like makes no sense except to you because you've thought you've like, overthought it. You know, that happens to me all the time. Yes. Um, but I avoided that because I was like, you know, she probably actually paid a lot for it. And I don't want to bring my love for Ross dressed for less into Luan's racist outfit.

Don't be smurred. It's my hobby. There's no room for blackface at Ross dress for less. Thank you. Thank you for taking a stance. I did. I love my Ross. Don't mess with my Ross. Yeah Well either way, I thought that was funny, but I'm glad that you have a very good response for that I'm glad that you did like you thought about it

Yeah, of course, and then I was also like well, I have to say it's the Halloween episode We talked about titling our things so that people would know what we're talking about. And I guess they would with Ross, but I don't know. It's hard. It's hard. What was I ever felt? I've never felt so nice knowing you guys. Everyone should go listen to it because we

were exhausted both getting out. You had literally just gotten off the plane. And we were bonkers. And I don't even remember how the stuff we said I just remember just like when all else fails I'm just gonna talk and remoan a voice there's a stapler on my desk with an ethernet cable you're what that's basically what the episode was for us. Those are my most fun episodes because you know it's like when I get sleep and then try and be healthy and then like have positive energy

It just doesn't feel right. I like when I'm exhausted and Over it and I just and especially with the show like in New York, you know And I'm like, this is gonna be five minutes. Neither one of us is gonna have anything to say It's like an hour and a half later. You know, we still won't let the bone go Exactly exactly But yeah, we just got back from DC. We are going to be touring for the rest of the year. So go get your tickets on watch at crapens.com.

Next step is Irvine. And after that is San Francisco. No, actually, actually before in between Irvine and San Francisco, we have a Phoenix show. The Phoenix show is two days before the San Francisco show. Oh, and also San Frick, I mean also, where else? Don't we have Chicago in the beginning of the way? Yeah, so there's no. There are still, it's kind of funny.

There have been like 10 tickets left. The first Chicago show is sold out. There's like 10 tickets left the second one and just been sitting there 10 tickets. I'm like, people just buy the tickets, just buy them, buy them, but actually though before Chicago Chicago though we do have that urban show and in case he missed it We're gonna be talking about The classic real housewives of Orange County show

Episode naked wasted the naked wasted dinner party. I mean it's so appropriate. We're gonna be in Orange County So yes, that'll probably be naked and wasted as well. Yeah So exactly we're not so amazing. Giveaways too. Yes. So for today, we had watch a crap and it's calm as we get those tickets. I'm on it.

He's in my jeans. But I'm I'm I was so excited. You know why? Because poor Southern charm Southern Charm. Well, it's not really poor, but Southern Charm comes through.

There's this week of just all this hype about real house, so I have some New York premiering, okay. It was like the 300 pound gorilla in the middle of this schedule. It was the elephant in the room. And basically, it overshadowed the fact that Potomac had a premier and we just talked about that in our bonus episode, which we're going to be putting up later today. But also Southern Charms. Southern Charms, like a major show.

And I feel like no one was talking about the fact that Southern Charms was back until it came back. And it's been a steady stream of tweets at us. I'm like, oh my god, did you watch Southern Charms? Did you watch Southern Charms? And guess what? We watched it. And of course, of course, it was hilarious.

But I'm just saying, it's kind of funny that this show really was sitting in the shadow of New York. And but despite that, wow, people were really reacting to it. And this is going to be an iconic season because JD actually, his life starts to crumble. And JD's just like a secondary character on this show, but he's always like, everything's perfect. Boy, I'm the man that everyone's trying to be. He's been fell in love with that.

I love him. Why? And of course, we learned that he's a load down, cheating, non-rank paying slime ball, which I don't think anybody was shocked by. I'm just shocked he ever got caught. Yeah. This season premiere was funny because it was basically everyone broke up. It was like everyone. I'm surprised that it even rolled out what's an end? Christine, the woman who teaches people how to make, you know, rib roasts. She's like, Roi-O-Law just broke up with my man.

I was like, really? I'd love to be concentrating on this brisket lesson. But I broke up with my husband. I found out that he hadn't paid rent for that cinnabon in the mall that he's been running for all these years. He didn't even own it. He never owned the cinnabon. Cooper's like, I'm back and I'm here to say, I'll just broke up with my man. I learned that he wants to go to a gay bar. I said, no, that is for Phil. Only we are broken up.

Um, yes. So it looks like, and you know, as as horrible meat eating flowers do, um, the one of this show thrives when everything else is in disaster. You know, Patricia has a big old new ring on her finger. It's like everyone said, well, it helps my meat for our grow. To diamonds. I feel like she's a meat eating like flytrap, you know. There's one of those Japanese meat eating plants. They have those now Japan. Japan is really beating this guy. It's Japan is beating us. Okay.

They're they're doing so well. I watched a video of a baby Komodo drag and eating a mouse right before I went to sleep last night. Well, they're like that was that really set the tone for the show. I was like, I have like fresh Komodo dragon in my brain and I was like, and here's Whitney. So, uh, then you have Whitney's face. That was God telling you that things are going well for Patricia. So the show, you know, Southern charm, uh, they love giving us a teaser and then

rewind in the clock and sure enough, they open up the season. It's Christmas time. They're all entails. Um, it's Christmas time, they're all entails, they're just looking as douchey as possible, it's great, I love it. Yeah. And they're having, it's a Christmas party, it's basically a Christmas party entails, Cooper somewhere crying in a stocking, waiting for Krampus to show up. And speaking of Krampus, Patricia's like, there's no craziness going on. Maybe I miss something.

Ha ha ha. Nothing that I've started is coming into fruition out here. What's that I hear outside in Catherine's out there? Like, I want you to know as a mother, fuck you. Yeah. Catherine's talking to Thomas and Thomas is new girlfriend, Ashley and she's like, yeah, she's talking to Thomas and Thomas is new girlfriend Ashley and she's like, she's like, yeah, she's basically like, fuck you and Ashley's like, I have some day we

can be cool and Catherine's like, you're gonna be gone in a week, whatever. You're very angry, you're very angry. She's like, we are a family, okay, you can't just come in here. We are a family. Tom. Yes. And she goes, you're not a family. You're an egg donor. Bye. Bye. Bye. And the country goes, this is my town, bitch. Oh my God. Thank you. I was like giving us the animation. I was like, this is what we need. This is what we need also, you know, it's good that we've had time to just see Thomas on his own in his element Because we've really just seen him be such a creeper and such a gross mother fucker like change your white pants He's still in the same white jeans

We're with trying to like tie off his dick to make it look bigger like Thomas. He's so gross All he does is like stand behind this girl. He's dating like look at her ass. Oh, yeah this girl is dating like look at her ass. Oh yeah, look at that. Hey, young piece of ass I got. He's so gross. And now that we've seen that for the past couple of years, he's got this new hot young girl. And of course, it's like you're obviously with him

because he's on a TV show. You're discussing I have no respect for you because she's had the same evidence that we have. I can't respect anybody who's with Thomas ever again. She also looks like Landon, which I thought was a little weird. Was it a different person in this scene than it was in the scenes that we see later? Because it looked like two different people. I think it was the same person, but she may also be a shapeshifter. There is the distinct

possibility that she is that it's really the creepy safe-safesifting nanny she's D-Dra for soon to be former nanny yeah no she's basically like a low-level shapeshifter who has been banned banished from her community because she only shapeshifts into basic bitches like come on oh my god you turned into D--tra the nanny. Oh Lane is same shape She's like a shape shifter with very low goals. She like turns into Nancy who works at Michaels Hi, oh did you just did you get to see the ornaments? We got some new ornaments in yeah, you should check them out They're like hey, where did Nancy go? Wait a minute. Is that Irene at the hobby lobby?

She's like, I'm just here to say I'm totally fine with not getting birth control at work. Okay. It's like the lamest shape shifting ever. Wait a second. I could have sworn that was Tanya from Steinmark. Oh, no, we, you know, we have the same, we got it, we got it the same salon, but we're different, we're totally different people. Yeah. Yeah. Wait a minute. When did you become Iris from Michaels? She's like, Hey, is that, is that Marin from

Radio Shack? Hey, is that Phylin from Phylin's basement? Wait a minute. That's closed. It's like I told you I was the lame is shapeshifter ever Is that Is that Karetta from from Spencer's gifts and toys? The shapeshifter just only Go red. Oh my gosh. The shapeshifter just only really just wants to say in some very affordable retail spaces. Yes. You know, and crafts. Yeah, it's like all the other shapeshifters are like, I'm going to become the president. Yeah, I think I was going to just go be around some clearance sides. Yeah, they're like Nadine, I read a Corrine. Would you like to be a shapeshifter and come over here and work at Blix?

You're just like, no, that's too much for me. That's too high. Are there still K-Mart's in this town? Yes, and Laney works at that too. Wait a second. We're in truth. One, I asked how to use this escalator that I put my card on, so it goes on the second floor. Listen to me, I'm sorry, Han. I work here at Marshalls. Okay, so we see the ship ship shift is also very secretive. I love that DJ has become a main character on the show just like five

minutes. Yeah, so but now we go back in time three months and Cameron's pregnant. This is pretty much our only camera scene the entire episode. She said I don't blame her. She is really pregnant. Okay. And if anybody hasn't been watching Cameron on Instagram while she was pregnant, you've really been missing something because she's the best pregnant lady I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. So we're seeing different glimpses ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. Every one I have to work on my addiction. I need, I want the shapeshift to turn into addiction teacher, so I can enunciate that turf.

Anyway, so we see these different vignettes. We see camera in just being pregnant. We see chef getting some chicken nuggets at Chick-fil-A. We see Patricia trying on diamond rings. My favorite was Austin dropping an Oreo in a glass of milk. And I wanted to ridicule him, but I actually had an extreme amount of jealousy. I was like, that's what I want to be doing right now. I just want to be just dropping Oreos in there and just scoop them out.

Well, if we could mix that with Patricia's scene of huge feather sleeves staring at her gigantic diamonds, like maybe if I could drop the diamond of the milk and then be like get that back out. She's just dipping Oreos, dipping diamonds with Georgia at Moss Boxer. Yeah. Just like, Ron, you have a question. What do you enjoy dipping in milk better Oreos or chips of hoi? I don't like chips of hoi. I think they're rip offs of real cookies and nobody should eat them. I love Oreos in milk. I don't like to of white. I think there are rip-ups of real cookies and nobody should eat them. I love Oreos in milk. I don't like to dip them. I like to put the whole Oreo in my mouth. Take a swig of milk and then let the Oreo dissolve on the roof of my mouth. That's how I choose to eat an Oreo personally. That seems like... that is very planet Earth. You know, it's like, watch as the West Hollywood lizard captures it. He's prey.

First it doesn't, it never choose it. It just captures it in its mouth and it's, oh, it did its mouth. It's a Vanderpump's nature special. It's called the planet Earth. Starring the big Gila monster, Randall. I think I actually, I think I actually like dipping chips of hoys and milk more than Oreos, believe it or not. I'm mortified. Do you want me to tell you what's better than Oreos and milk? Okay.

Yes. Repeat the process. I just said, but instead of milk, put water in your mouth. This also works with thin mints. It turns them into Oreo. Yes, it turns it into oreo potion. And then you turn into a princess, you can shape, and work in any craft store you want. I also like thinments in milk. But you know, chips of hoi, I agree, they are low level cookies, but they are very strong in the milk-dipping department. There's that pressure-luck element of how long can I hold the cookie here before it dissolves

and falls off of the rest of the cookie. You want to get a maximum machine-ness, but if it's too mushy when you lift it off, the rest of it stays in there. That's kind of okay because then when you drink the milk later, you know, it's like you want to get like a maximum mushyness, but if it's too mushy when you lift it off, the rest of it stays in there. But that's kind of okay. Because then when you drink the milk later, you have like cookie munch at the month. Yeah. That's who invented the the job of chip shit at Starbucks. It was just some lazy fuck like Austin sitting at home like, why don't we just have milk with this stuff in it? That would be good. It is like some stoner at

home. Yeah. So Catherine knows how to really take a sage to a house. Okay. She's burning sage all over her new apartment. And she's like, dear God, please take away the negativity. Bless my home and protect it from assholes. But you can let the prime Amazon prom packages through that. Please deliver me from prom. Then we see Thomas taking the kids to school and he's like walking them and he's as paternal as ever.

He's like, now don't get wet. There's a sprinkler system that we just installed. Be careful with the sprinkler system. You can always stand here. This the children's path. I know she's like, it's like it's just totally loaded with water. And guess what he's wearing? White jeans.

White jeans over it. Yeah. Yeah, it's, it's their, they're there. They're there forever. So Cameron is finally entering the shit time of pregnancy where it's like, I don't know, you should a lot in its It's terrible. And I think that every day for not making me go through that ever because I would have had like 19 illegitimate children right now. Like if you take the gay man's sexual prowess and then give us ovaries, oh my God, You guys this world would be really overcrowded. Thank God. God.

We can't have problems. Oh my God. Well, we can still impregnate people, though. Yeah, but when a gay person wants a baby, you know we want it. It's like hundreds of thousands of dollars later interviews. You got a rent and oven for Phoenix or wherever. And like a million Facebook posts, you have to write about interviews. You got a rent and oven from Phoenix or wherever. And like a million Facebook posts, you have to write about it. You guys today, we met this Arga.

And like, okay, great. Babies first, poopy! It's like we get it. But we're doing it. Okay, we still get it. I'm gonna make a stance, Nat. Ron, you've pushed me. You have pushed me to making this stance.

I'm singing in public now on our podcast. You know what I hate? I hate babies. Oh my God, I'm finally. I'm finally. They are unnatural. That's a monster, finally, it came out. You know what I don't need to see anymore of people

putting their babies next to some seashells that say like one month or six months, I don't need to see it on my Facebook feed. I actually think that the babies on Facebook phenomenon is no longer as bad as it used to be. There was a time when it was just horrific. I think people have gotten really good about it, but the novelty is like, oh look, I put my baby next to some pebbles and I wrote down three months.

I don't really care. I don't really care. Yeah, I don't really care. I'm the person who sees those little charts, you know, when people make a notch in the door and they're like, this is her at three years old. This is her at five years old and you're supposed to watch them grow.

I just like take a sharpie in there and mark like, scoliosis, drink some milk. So you know, I don't mind, I don't mind etchings like that the height things because that shows progress and there's something like very sweet and wonderful about that. But when you do like here five months there's almost an implication like I should been keeping track like I or an assumption that I have been like oh my god I was just looking at the four months photo and look at

that. I don't want I just don't want to see it. It's not interesting to me. It's not novel. It's not fun. And the pictures are usually bad and it's a little too precious. And I just show me a picture, just show, give me a picture when they turn 13 at their botnets vote, okay? Well, you know that there's some straight person podcast

where they're like, I'm sick of faggot's and their dog pictures on Instagram. And I'm like, how's that work? Well, I'm sick of that too. Hey, that's a good, that's too. Hey, that hurt. Ow. like, I'm sick of that too. Hey, I'm sick of that too. Hey, that hurt. Ow. Okay, I'm not myself anymore.

Now I'm my ring and it's hobby lobby. And I don't care. You can't affect me. You guys, I'm sorry about that rant. It actually was not me. That was Trish. Trish from Marshalls just took over my body. She's a shape-shifter slash parasite.

And I take it all back, post the photos of your babies with, oh my god, ages. Thank God, Trisha doesn't work at Marshalls. She'd be like, that doesn't fat. You're fat. No, I was talking about Trisha spelled to your ISH, not not your Trisha. She's a CIA. Right? Yes. But it's also funny funny he didn't have her in the CIA she's like yeah it's like standing by a bush right now I'm a bush at a body I'm if I see you I see you right she's like always letting herself be known on accident she's like hey it's pretty fresh out oh damn it I'm supposed to be a bush now I'm this pentagon. I kind of have been a hexagon. What happened to octagons? Okay, so camera is pregnant and chef, we find out why he's buying a spicy chicken

sandwich and also why camera and herts. She's eating spicy chicken sandwiches. So he brings her some Chick-fil-A, which is the new Taco Bell. Someone put that on Facebook. They're like, it's all the women are going to be the Chick-fil-A Kevin on this season, which I thought was really funny, because everybody's just going to Chick-fil-A all season long. And hello, Chick-fil-A, you know, just because you put prayers on the bottom of your cups, don't mean that we won't do a good Chick-fil-A sponsorship.

Get over here, okay? I want to Chick-fil-A on Gay Pride. Bring him on. Yeah. Sure. the way sponsorship get over here, okay? How much to shake the way out, gay pride? Bring him on. Yeah. Sure. And my chicken sandwich to approve of my lifestyle. Come on.

I mean, that's true. That's such a good point. It's like they may not like me, but I'm eating them. So my whosoever here. That's great logic. Pam, I know you're in there, Pam. Just glue some plastic bottle on his own. Pam, I know you're taking over her on his body.

Pam is that Michael's? I thought Irene was that, no, Irene was somewhere, I don't know. I know. Yeah, it's time to give Pam a little rest. Pam, listen here, you're Michael's AutoZone hybrid store. She's like, would you like windshield wipers or some plastic fall leaves to glue on to a jug Okay, so Cameron's pregnant like super pregnant. He's like, oh, it's your still on bad. This is bad, Cam Which he did the reverse

I watch it gosh It's not it. It's a Palmer Did the reverse. I watch it. Gosh. It's not an it. It's a Palmer. I like that they name their child after a beverage. I know.

She's going to just be complicated and have Arnold be the next baby. Yeah. Pomeranol. I mean, she's going to reenact famous Arnold Palmer videos with her baby. I took that after the bro room and that with her Halloween costume from a few years ago, where she was like, whoa, look at me. I'm Robert Palmer video. Oh, yeah, she did do that.

We met a girl who looked just like Heather DeBro at our DC show. It was the weirdest thing ever, and she talked like her and acted like her and was awesome. She was nothing like her, like she was in horrible like Heather DeBro, but everything else, she was just like Heather DeBro. Did you talk to her? I loved her. I hung out with her. No, I don't think I did. I mean, I have already made up.

Yeah, you met her. She was at the meet and greet. Okay. Anyway, it was the May. We're never gonna do. We're like, we're so glad Southern Charms back. Let's talk about Michaels. Yeah, let's listen. Listen, Stephanie from Flame Boiler.

Get out of there. We're trying to a podcast. Listen here Olivia from Sonic get out. So chef is still saying things like you know gosh holy mackerel. I haven't seen that thing yet. Can I touch it? And she's like it's a sheet C. And her name is Palmer. And her middle name is Korean, like my grandma. And I'm like, also kind of the slutty weirdo from the bachelor, but, you know. I'm gonna watch that show. You banks.

TCE. Sounds like an energy group. Anyway, so she's like, so, she, what's up with that girl you met five months ago when your terrible spin off? He's like, oh gosh. Well,'s up with that girl? You met five months ago when your terrible spin off. He's like, oh, gosh. Well, I went up to New York to see her and like she would go to sleep at 11 PM. And I'm like, I want to stay out and drink till 4 AM.

So, gosh, we broke up. Any, any place that shapeshifter teacher works in sells things that are more expensive to that set of that show. The final scene was in a dark alley. He's like, gosh, look at us. One of my guys, she's like, I guess. And then she's like, and he's like, well, she's a great girl, but you know, we're on different way of these in Cameron's, Cameron's like,

shape, it's always she's a great girl, but he goes, yeah, yeah, but yeah, but, uh, uh, gosh. Yeah, and then this is the thing. She's always like, I'm such a bachelor, but he's really just like a bitch who's losing his teeth. Like he really just wants to cry like a girl, and he does it every single time. He's like, well, they went home with 11 and she goes, yeah, so what she's supposed to say out to 4 a.m. and then go home and read classics. Who is this girl? She's not young.

Because, because well, I tried. I put my chips on the table. She goes, Oh, now I see the problem. Like, she's like literally imagining him just like putting pringles on the table. Yeah, he's like, this one's, I came all the way to New York to give you this pringle. Oh, sorry, I had half of it. Garsh. So this is when he gets victim. He goes, well, I went to New York for five nights. And she saw me two nights. Garsh. Like, it doesn't matter. Like, it's like if nuclear war happens, you know, like, you just have to make it happen. And I didn't get that with her.

I'm like, oh, really? You're crying because you're going to be in the hospital. All right. All right. Settle down, Rayakary. All right. How about you not like, how about you try not to be wasted? How about the fact that when she leaves at 11, you go with her. Yeah. You say, you know what? I'm not going to stay at the bar. You're going to

make some sacrifices. I'd love that she brought out all of her friends and he stayed at the bar while they went home. I mean, who does that? Also, wasn't she 21 or something like that? She was like a 21 year old from Brooklyn. So Cameron's like well mate while you need to date women your own age, you know like yeah Maybe there are some truth to that although he was the one who was acting like he was 21 and she was the one acting like she's Yeah, exactly. He's even dating younger people and she's like well It's called it's a thing called a job. Okay, and I have to get up and do that. He's like crow. Yeah Gora. So do that to me and it really bugs me that he's younger than me. And just like talking about how old he is.

It really bothers me. Oh, yeah, because I feel like his, I feel like he's, look, I'm rode pretty hard. I mean, why lie? But he's where he's, he's ridden himself way harder than me. What does he get to be younger? Of course. You're so right, Ronnie. Did you notice that she's like, um, well, I

say it's your birthday because she didn't even know she's like, yeah, she goes, you're almost 38 and he's like, yeah, like right now today. She's like, Oh, yeah, well, happy birthday. Why don't we have a party at your new beat chast, which I love just last year. He's like, I'm moving away from the beach. So I can be responsible. He's like, that's gross. I'm going to the beach immediately. No, he was moving out of the town to go to the beach because in town, people kept on coming over and he couldn't help a party with them. But at the beach, you know, it's harder

for people to come over. So I'll have a party there. Oh, so I'm totally backwards. Never mind. You're doing great. Yeah, the logic is the logic is So I love a party there. Oh, so I'm totally backwards. Never mind. You're doing great. The logic is, the logic is still kind of warped though. Like the whole point of moving to the beach is that way he could have fewer parties to be fair, which I guess is my catchphrase. People like, I love when Ben says to be fair.

I can't help it to be fair. I just say to be fair. I don't know why I say it. I don't know where I came from. Because it's very important to be fair on Southern charm. I'd like to see all sides of the issue. He did say he didn't want to host the party. Yeah, he's like, oh, we have bus boys

after after closing time with the high-fought girlfriend with no bras. I don't throw parties. She's like, come out, she. So I'm just going to make her Brittany for now until I get back into my Cameron. It's OK. Our Karen Huger was Luan.

So hey, my Karen Huger's always been Luan though. Luan's like, that was my costume last year. What? Why is everybody looking at me like that? I always feel like somebody's watching me cause I'm in blackface. Ray, you didn't tell me about the taxes. Tom's like, yes I did, my name's Tom. Ray's like trash.

No, so Danny and Catherine are hanging out and Catherine's like, welcome to my home. It's like it was direct. It was like it was put together by ADHD. Yeah, you could say that. There was some very intriguing decor in there. Girl, I will raise money for Amazon Prime for you. It's $120 a year. Get on it. I didn't understand. I did not know what was happening. Like, is this the world we're gonna live in now that Fixer Upper has been canceled?

I guess has something to cancel, but it's over. I didn't know that Fixer Upper ended. Apparently the last episode of Fixer Upper was on Tuesday. Did you know that? No, I didn't know. Is that the one with Tareek and what's her buns? No, but come back to that.

It's the awful one. I don't know why people love it. It's a chip in the lady. So girl with soccer mom hair that you hate it. No, no, that's like hometown. I hate. I hate say KGTV. How do you teach your sister?

No, Victor Upper's chip in, I think Joanna or something like that. He's got like, he's just like obnoxious and terrible and she's like, oh, Chip, but apparently Tuesday was their last show ever. And the reason why I'm mentioning that is because why not. But also, oh, because Torek and what's her face? What's Torek, what's Torek's wife's name? I don't know, but I love that. So I love that she hates him. I love her. Yeah, they're coming back from new episodes. Oh, good. Because, but they're divorced now.

So obviously because he like, she cheated on him and then he like threatened her with guns. No, great stuff. Yeah. I'm so excited. So we can do a decent back swash together. I'm so excited for their flipper flop to come back. I think it's coming back in May.

Flipper flop. Flip flop. Tom Tom's coming back in May. Flipper flop. Flip flop. Tom Tomolala. Those are your choices. Okay. So Danny and Catherine are hanging out and Catherine's like, Thomas has always doubted me and my ability to take care of myself and look, I can do it. I never needed you. Like, um, that's a futon.

So. it to you. Like, um, that's a futon. That's Carol Radswell's old couch. I mentioned that because you started doing Carol Radswell's voice. But they're similar. It's just going to take me a couple of weeks. Spectra, I know it's hard to pivot sometimes. That's that's the bad hat someone's coming. Good old guy. Look what I got. I'm gonna stop. But'm a bruise because I

I'm because Tom Because I give blood alcohol to every day and I'll say I'll do that every day Sometimes I can follow up with a hug from my baby and my team My right I'm gonna And Danny's like I'm Tari Yeah, Danny's like well she cuz she goes well how are you doing and Danny's like, well, she goes, well, how are you doing?

And she's like, uh, well, you know, I'm supposed to be married. And I'm not. So there's that. But, you know, we just figured out we're two different people. And it's like, yes, there's one of you. And then two of your ages added into one, which is him. Like, come on. Come on, guys.

Well, I'm just so dating here must really suck in this town. Because I don't think anybody's ever dated here Where I'm like that's great the only one with a good husband he won't even show up on camera, so Yeah, well he's smart. Well, well, what was funny was yeah, so Danny comes over We're getting totally high-tracked mostly my fault, but Danny comes over You know, she gets the torch. She sees the new place and then Catherine shows her the bruises she got from the blood test because for the alcohol test for the, you know, the mommy stuff with the courts, et cetera, et cetera.

And then she's like, but don't tell me about you. And Danie's like, well, I'm supposed to be married by now, but we just realized we're two different people. It's like, okay, back to Catherine. Yeah. Daniel, like, Daniel has like a whole story happening here. It's like, okay, great. Thanks.

Okay. Back to Catherine. Yeah. Well, she knows the ropes. She's, she's been on this show for five minutes of season. She knows how it rolls. Yeah.

She already had her big moment when she fainted. Yes. So Catherine tells her, well, now it's time for Danny to go bye-bye because Thomas agreed. And, you know, she was doing weird things. Like, not wanting to let me hold my son Not happening so they got rid of nanny so Deedra is pissed But I like that Catherine is still kind enough to leave out most of the gossip because wasn't Thomas fucking the nanny's daughter

Like secondary nanny or something. There's like so much. I don't remember I don't remember there's a lot of weird stuff But yeah, we then cut over to T-Rab at his at his new house And he's there with D-Dra and the Kairan says soon to be former Nanny, which is so funny She's obviously like very annoyed, but she's like made this very elaborate schedule. That's color code Edge is like see I'm a great nanny. I'm great nanny good luck to you now good luck to you you know glad you let her win on this one yeah actually put her foot down and now you're listening to her and you have another 20 year old here this is great this is working out great for me enjoy making your own Excel spreadsheets of your kids goddamn schedules I gotta get to hobby lobby boo boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop bo I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I children for when I'm not a very kid friendly this house. Can you talk to the wall now? They got a lot of holes. They love playing with a electrical socket They stick the finger in the little shock so fun The last the last layout wasn't conducive to the children They would put their finger in the light socket now. I've gotten light sockets big enough for the entire hands Sometimes I'll leave a bunch of handsaws around,

be like, how go have fun, play children. So, yeah, Deidre makes a calendar, and he's like, well, Katherine doesn't lock Deidre so much, so to reach an agreement, I had to let it go, and it said and unfortunate. Like Thomas never stops running for fucking mayor ever. I know. He's like, I'm sorry about the flora in your water. That was sorry about the lead in your water. It was totally unfortunate. But you know, come back and vote for me again. My walls talked

to my babies. So well, the good news for Thomas is he has a new girlfriend named Ashley. He's like, I met this beautiful nurse out in California. I was at a bar and she was like, come here. And I was like, all right. And my erection led the way. And I was like, have you met the Ravenel bridge? Because guess what? It's between you and me, right?

This moment. I haven't taken my what jeans off since. And so of course, he's totally pervading out all over her. He cannot believe he'd looked out. And you know what? He's right right i hope you this because this is your 20s thomas like this can't

last forever so he's like this one exercise i like that involves cardio i don't get to listen to this any more every day it's polo moco polo. Marco Polo. Marco Polo. I like to play it with the shape

shifters around here. Marco, Yolo, where am I right? She's like, oh, I'm really into you. Marco Rubio get it. Little Republican humor for y'all. So then we skip back over to Catherine who's still with Naomi or not Naomi Danny and she's like well My three-year-old told me that mommy Ashley seeps in your room with daddy And I said when did he get a futon? I did it first She's she's so impressed that Kenzie is aware of Ashley front her church is like well of course all the furniture is from Ashley I'm not a rental center. This isn't real house was a Potomac, okay We know where her intentions are no one believes that horse shit

And it's good that she was a house listeners because that's gonna come in handy I was like that is a really good burn, but you did make two human beings with this person. Yeah exactly. So then we go over to the Willow Salon. It's a salon that specializes on hair for former cast members of Willow. Can I please have the hairy worm? Hairy worm come over here, Chauten. I don't know what I'm doing so much leads to the Vanderpump this episode. So Kelsey, I mean not Kelsey, Chelsea is there. She's like, and they all me shows up. And Naomi just wants to have a little shampoo situation.

So Chelsea takes her over to the shampoo shampoo station and it's truly one of the ugliest walls I have ever seen on television. Did you notice this wall? No, I didn't notice the wall because I was still sad for Naomi because she's like, I don't have water pressure. I'm like, you know that Craig tried to put on a new goddamn water spout for some shit in the shower and turned it on. Naomi, I could do plumbing, Naomi. It's like Craig, That's a straw. You're hooking up a straw to the plumbing Craig It's not gonna work. No trust me trust me. Do you know how to do it? No, me? Do you know how to do it? No, me? I'm good. I'm okay. So what what did the wall look like? My mind god. It's like I

Just I need to like have a moment here. So basically I just, I need to like have a moment here. So basically, it's a giant gray slash brown mural of a tidal wave that is kind of like crashing at the shampoo station, but like over the tidal wave are a bunch of tin tiles. And then above the tin tiles is this like backsplash situation and the backsplash is kind of like gray brown But someone painted these weird haphazard white stripes on it

So it's sort of is matching the wave that's crashing on it. It's like a really terrible version of Hocus-I's wave situation and I just It's just it's awful. It's awful. So space I have a representation of Craig trying to fix the the spout in the bathroom Or perhaps it's one of nicka lanes early pieces nice Think think Tiltil tiltil tiltil wave wave wave wave Yeah, no, it's a really horrific, horrific wall. And as I thought- Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court.

I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of WonderZnew Podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity view, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows.

It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. Well, that was important to mention it. I think anytime there's a terrible

Wave mural we have to take time to reflect on it. Yeah, I'm glad you did. I was on the journey I was on the wave journey with you. Yeah, so now So Craig meanwhile is unpacking with his friend who I hope he makes out with when they're drunk because they're so cute together They're like bro bro They're both hot and they're unpacking Craig stuff because Naomi has dumped Craig and so Craig is Having a movement with his friend and I was like is this a ceiling he was painting? Why did it open with him? Bainting a ceiling was at this house.

What house is it? I'm so confused. Help me. I don't know. I'm still waiting for Colonel Gizmo to show up. My favorite cast member. Oh, really? How is that cat?

So he impacts a box and it's, you know, kitchen supplies and he goes, well, I guess Naomi must have packed this box because it's a mess. And his friends like, yeah, it is a little dirty. So it's like, okay, enough of your Naomi shaming, boys. Yeah. Well, also, it's clear that Craig probably packed it. He's like, I know what I'm doing. Yeah, I could go there. It's okay. I could go to the best practices for a pack of box. So he's he's explaining the breakup and he's like, she didn't look at me the same and wasn't okay with the life I was living.

And then they cut to him. Like, I got a step and release. And her yelling that he was late and didn't know how to put it up. Oh my God. So many funny memories. So then we go, we go back to this lawn and Chelsea's like you know, I'm really sorry that you guys broke up at the same time I'm like, hi yo, yeah, we're going out to not my rotten So then we get to hear about what Chelsea has been doing because Naomi's like yeah being single sex theory the taken

They fucked my friends are they have an STD am I right? She's like yeah speaking of Austin He's actually done all three of those things. And it turns out that he quit his job. He hadn't even been working. And then he goes, no, that's how it starts. It's kind of true. I don't think anyone on this show has a job at this point or any of the guys actually guys are like we're on TV. We never need to work again. Now we know how Bravo bays and it's not that well. So I don't know what you're thinking, but he does just have like a cheetah one beard by it. So yeah, I just noticed he does keep his hair bleached.

He does. Well, you know, he looks tidy. Basically, what happened is that he quit his job. He hasn't gotten a new job because what sort of career path is he on anyway. He's basically like a poor man's carol, which is already, you know. And so, basically, Chelsea was paying for all the food and he would do shifty things like walk outside to smoke a cigarette so that way she would pay for the beer, etc. And the final

straw apparently is that one night he went out with his friends and was like, I'm going to come by later and he didn't come by until it was 3 a.m. and he was drunk and stood into bed and tried to fuck her and she's like no thank you sir you know as she should have it's like don't so I'm you're coming over at 10 or 10 30 and then you show up at 3 a.m. you just want to fuck no it doesn't work yeah and Austin not that we really had that high of hopes for Austin anyway alright then he's supposed Austin wrong so I mean how's he spell it? Well, he's not like Jane Austin. It's some Jane Austin. Well, I don't know. As a man of all, he is what I call a OC, our class, Jane Austin. He's an original. He's an O I in original Austin. Had there you say it spelled

wrong. I found out that my aunt has been has been publishing Jane Austin fan fiction. Have you read it? And no, but I actually think it's the coolest thing ever. So if anyone wants to read, if anyone wants to read my aunt's fan fiction, she publishes under the name Lily Bernard. Well, I wish you wrote Pride and Prejudice in Zombies because I've read that. What a lovely book, what a lovely lovely book. Oh, who knows who knows but I but but you revealed that over Passover and I was like That's so random and Kind of like super cool. I know that's amazing. It has my aunt has a pseudonym My aunt Josie my aunt Josie publishes eviction letters for the property management company that my family runs

I love her fixed and is more like get the fuck out Or I'm gonna fucking kill you and beat your entire family. Okay. How's that? They're like okay? No, it's possible that Mr. Darcy might say that the benefits So let's see Nikki Austin is still like oh Hey, Nikki you doing well There's so many guys with like kind of this weird speech impediment In the front of their teeth on Bravo. What is it?

Austin had he has kind of the car the carl thing He a well like I said he the fact that he has kind of a Performance carls that he has the the kind of a car thing. I just wrote, uh, his twitchy flirt is painful. That's my note on the scene. I'd like the montage of watching him doing nothing all week, you know, throwing ping-pong balls into a net watching TV, napping. Yeah. He's kind of curious.

He's like, how do people even have nine to five? Like, how do they get stuff done? So they, so, so Austin meets up with Shep on a balcony at some bar and they're like, gosh, the waves are so big. Gosh. I guess this is by Shep's house because he's on a golf cart, which is I love that we don't even have to question that on this show. It's like Shep arrives in a golf cart. That's so shut. They're well, remember land and use to drive around the town and a golf cart as

well. I don't know how things work in Charleston. I would like to go there. Yeah, we need people need to go there. Yeah, do we have a lot of listeners in Charleston because it would be fun to do a show there. So if you're from there, let us know. Yeah, it's so fun when we call everybody a stupid cut fitness and then show up in their town. We're like, do you want to hang out? when we call everybody a stupid cut fitness and then show up in their town. We're like, do you want to hang out?

To be fair, we haven't called anyone a cut fitness yet. We've done a good job. We haven't, but okay. So step on the golf car and he's like, Hey, bro, bud, bro, bro, bud. He's a car. I'm not into birthdays. I'm 38, bro, God, but I'm feeling good. Like mean is some own on her final tour. I feel I'm trying to keep you up classy here. Okay. Oh no apple bees apple bees is actually a Jane Austen character from one of her long lost novels mr. Apple bees

He's a he's a proud widower who spends time in London, but also his country home. And he's a lucid and has a sister who wants to introduce him to a lady who is proud. And yet he has a certain attraction to one of the Willowers, sitter, sisters, Willowers hit our sisters. Willowers. I got lost in the joke. I'm sorry. I'm not smart enough to keep up with that joke. I was like, I can't believe I'm doing it as long as I'm doing it. I was like, I'm like, maybe Ronny will tag me out. No, okay.

I'm an idiot. So I'm going to just sit over here during intellectual intellectual parts. I'm going to tag myself out. I'm just going to look at my chat myself out. I'm just gonna look at my chat myself out. I'm just gonna look at the Toeble Runs. Oh my God, I forgot we had Toeble Runs. Oh my God, she closed my back. I had one to plane, and I had half of one

before we start recording, and I'm now just staring at it. Oh my God, you just made me think of the run. Oh my God, you just made me think of the run. I'm gonna make Toeble Runs this way. I'm gonna make Toeble Run cookies today. What do you think of that? That's a great idea. I'm going to make to a cookies today. What do you think of that? That's a great idea.

Yeah. All the other ones are, to the runs are wonderful. The only thing I don't like about to the runs is the way that the crunchy part then just gets stuck from your teeth and you're like, to get it out. I don't like. Why are they? Because we're 38.

So that's why. So Austin's like, we get, we get, I just don't understand what happened with Chelsea because like, we got like, we're so close and we talked all the time and then that relationship was just suffered. I just don't understand what it is. I'm like, you don't have a job. You're throwing ping pong balls into a thing all day and you're expecting her to pay for your fucking beers. What does someone have to do with this? You don't even know how to dip an Oreo cookie. You don't even know how to dip an Oreo cookie. You dropped your Oreo in the milk. Like the most basic thing that you can do,

three-year-olds do it. So yeah, well, we realize, well, Austin tells this story like, yeah, I don't know why Chelsea's not talking to me. By the way, I met this girl named Victoria, it started dating her slash having sex with her, and turns out, Victorian Chelsea are like, really good friends

And now Chelsea won't talk to me. I'm like, yeah, well, there you go. I love how they talk it out He's like umpanois to me. They were good friends and then Chelsea said she can't just sit there and watch us canoodle Who talks like this? Also, it's called mutual friends on Facebook. Okay, don't tell me you didn't go under a Facebook and some mutual friend Chelsea Yes Who yes, yes, but umpanoids and canoodling Facebook. Okay, don't tell me you didn't go under a Facebook and saw a mutual friend. Chelsea. Yes. Who? Yes. Yes. But um, but no, it's an Anconodeling in the same sense. So I'm like, that's probably why she broke up with you. Like she accepted your hair and dye, you know, in Charleston. We do a lot of Canoodling. That's how we do it here. The lawnhouses are known for their Canoodling. But the weird part, the other thing that's kind of funny is that Austin now he's like, well, but now I've broken up with Victoria, which means the door is

still a jar for me and Chelsea. I was like, what are you talking about? You have, you have, like, there is no door. It's just a wall that you're trying to turn into a door, but it's a load bearing wall. So according to Chip and Joanna, you can't take it down. There is, you just can't, it's over. Load bearing wall. You built a load bearing wall by accident. So Seb's like, well, that's not fair. Like, Gawr, you can't date her, but then you also can't date her friend. Gawr, she's not right. And he's like, yeah, she wants her cake

and she wants to eat it too. I think, okay, you guys, you're really smart. You're really, really intelligent for people who refuse to work and drive golf parts around here. No one's feeling sorry for you. Carol's like, I like cake. How many more summers do we have to eat cake together? I just got into town.

I ran all the way here. Why is your door ajar? Don't you have a door? How big are the jars here or how small are the door frames? So then we get to see Whitney and his new youthful jumpsuit. Yeah. Run DM lame. Oh, Whitney. So Whitney and Whitney is apparently just gone off the Norman baits end of the pool. He's not even trying anymore. He's having a very rough time because his mother is engaged and it's just freaking him out and it's hilarious. And he's just watching Chef eat like he's just disgusted with what he created. Okay,

he's crazy. So and he hates himself on the whole show because he's like gosh let's get some k-so fundito with chorizo on top do you want some and he's like uh no man just date mother just date just date mother stop asking me I just date and so I'm like okay and also I have tacos with fundito chorizo k-so on top the tacos. Then also just bring out a cow and

open up his, uh, open up his heart and just let me suck the fat out of it. Do you have any heart blockages? We'll have that gars and Whitney's just watching him eat like disgusting mother, disgusting. Yeah, so basically Patricia has a gentleman caller known as Mr. C who gave her a very large promise ring. And Whitney tells us, you know, because Patricia has had several gentlemen callers in her past. And he's like, yeah, the first time, first time mother got married, I remember I was in

school in England and I got a telegram saying she got married. That was fucking weird. I'm like, how old and I got a telegram saying she got married. That was fucking weird I'm like how old are you a telegram? This is not your Atlantic passage He's like that was really sad what happened to Lily and Jack isn't it? So I was on this boat and like it was the first boat ever to go across the Atlantic And I got this yellow piece of paper. And I'd love that it's so fresh in his mind. He'd like to remember it's a paper color. And then Pat was like,

well, I've been married. I'll call you when I'm off the boat. We're going to go on a wonderful trip on something they call the Titanic. Never seen anything like that. I'm going to go. Should be written. Mr. G's the King of the World. It's like like I'm gonna go. Should be written. Mr. G's the King of the world. It's like, you know, it's Mr. C mother. So this poor guy, Whitney is just not having a good time. But he's like, I'm healthy. I work out. I have nobody.

I'm alone. My mother got remarried. This guy's eating queso, but you don't fuck my life. But at least he showed up, you know, that's rare for Whitney lately. So they start talking about. I'm still thinking about I'm still thinking about Patricia something a telegram. Dearest Whitney stop. I have some news.

Stop. Getting married. Stop. I don't know why. I just I just feel like that's how she talks around the house Michael, I'd like a martini stop Do I have a gentleman stop Carla stop Let's put out some elephants for the Indians stop

It's Georgia here's the I would like to say tell everybody in my neighborhood stop it is pronounced stop engines stop Okay, so let's see here Chef is talking about how his friends with Craig again and what he's like, God now what are we supposed to do? So he's like, I'll bet if you call him right now bro if you call him right now He's like not even an answer is felt I'll bet you 20 bucks and she's like, I'll bet if you call him right now, bro, if you call him right now, he's like, not even going to answer his phone. I'll bet you 20 bucks and stuff's like 20 bucks. Okay, let's try.

Whoa, you owe me 20 bucks. He answered, you owe me 20. The Bush. Then when they're leaving dinner, he's like, everyone they're leaving lunch, he's like, he answered 20 bucks. Don't forget, Gars. Yeah. I also like when they're talking about Craig, because they call Craig just to do the menu for for Shep's party. And Craig says like he's

like, yeah, that sounds like fun. And Shep's like, yeah, you know, like, you know, we've had our ups or downs, but you know, though Craig and I are fine. And then they cut to this flash, pet that flashback. I'm Craig just punching Shep's knee anymore. Oh, of, why Craig why? Craig's like you're a drunk motherfucker and then shut cuz I'm a drunk motherfucker. You're a drunk motherfucker. One of the most hilariously petulant moments of the show's history. They just decide to wedge it in there.

It was great. They gave us all the classics to date. They showed that scene of Catherine when she's like, yeah, when she's like, well, you know, hopefully me and Thomas can get along better this year. And then they cut to her running down that plank in a fur coat. Come here. Come back. Speaking of which, we then see Thomas at JD's guesthouse, where there's like a full on tree down. I mean, this place is like a shithole. So Thomas is stepping over trees and stuff. He's like, oh, it looks like a child friendly. And he meets JD in this really shitty little house.

It's not that the house is the house itself is shitty. It's just on the inside. It's just like folding chairs and cobwebs and stuff and like an Afghan blanket you know, blanket. So we see all the headlines about JD's demise, about Genjraban room. He dodged the rent bills with the entire time. He had that restaurant open. Yo, it was $165,000, which I actually think is low considering that he dodged all that

rent. Yeah. And then they didn't say all the cheating parts, but apparently he was, you know, got cheating and stuff. Yeah, I think that's it. I think that's it. He's doing this full on victim thing,

which is hilarious, because, you know, he's with Thomas and both of them are fuckers. You know, they're out doing co-op 20 rolls every goddamn night. And then he's like, well, look at you having a hard time being you. It's hard to be you, isn't it? What a tough time. Is that a buzz saw? Can my children come play here?

JD that stands for just down on his log, doesn't it? So I'm so excited to have somebody else in trouble. He's like, yes, well, I know gentrists closed and tough time for you. You Andrew Elizabeth. What's going on there with you in Elizabeth? Okay, Thomas. Thomas is just like rubbing it in. Yeah. So now, JD's like, you know, we've been separated for a couple of months and I don't know like the stress here and I just didn't feel the support the way I should have at home.

I'm like, how about she's married to a guy who claims to be a successful businessman as not paying his bills and you're the one complaining you're not getting support? How about like the fact that she's been married to a lie? How about that? Yeah, well I don't feel bad for her. She married him. I mean I do feel bad for her. I feel bad for her.

I feel very married JD and then like a shock that JD's like, a cheating co-cat bastard who doesn't pay his bills. Yeah. But yeah, I feel bad for it too. Cause I like her. Well, but I'm just saying that he's trying to sound like he's like, well, I just things were tough and I just wasn't feeling the support that I needed at the time. Like, like he is the victim's year of his own fraud. Cause he's like, well, she told me, you gotta get out and it'll be a week. I'd be staying here at the family home.

And after a week, you think it's time to make this stop. Isn't it? But then it never stops. Like, well, no, you don't get to just go cheat on your wife and then like give it a week and it's all better. You yeah. Like well, no, you don't get to just go cheat on your wife and then like give it a week and it's all better you Yeah, and if anyone has seen the preview scene that that was released about two weeks ago of Naomi and all the girls Just going going in on JD. We know that this is about much more than bills. It's about his flandering ways Yes, he's like

Work all day and then Thomas jumps in because and then come home and fought battles Oh, I know. Oh no except for the part about working all day. I'm like didn't you push one of Catherine's hairdressers into a pool? Yeah, but JD's like see I don't got my ring on she doesn't have her either But JD is like, see, I don't got my ring on. She doesn't have her either. Why? That's a sad one. Not a happy one. Yes, we're all wow Wang for you, fucker.

So now the show, now that we've seen, OK, now that we've established that about 35 people have broken up since the last season, the show now turns to Shep's birthday party. And it kind of goes into this very funny place for the rest of the hour, which is watching these guys try to smoke some meats. So first they go to the butcher.

It's Craig and Shep at the butcher and it's like, gosh, meat, this is cool. So they get their meats. And when they're there, they're like, oh, can we rent this smoker? They're like sure. So they rent this a smoker, which is different than a grill. Very different. So now we go over to Shep's house, time start the

party planning. And things start off fine at first. Shep, Shep, Shep, Rob's home, and there's like the Katie, the party planner has made everything look nice. And Shep is like, look at this, gosh, look how ornatenate gosh it's a picnic table with plates garbage holy mackerel yeah so Craig is trying to start up this smoker which they fronted but of course he doesn't know how to do it and chefs like yeah oh I thought you said you're the grill master and he's like is this a grill is this a grill because I didn't say this was a grill? Is this a grill? Because I didn't

say this was a grill. Oh, I made you an apron. It says, Chef. And I also made me an apron and I showed on Craig. They're different fonts. Now tell me about a grill master. Now tell me. Well, I think Craig actually had a point because being a grill master is very different from knowing how to smoke meats. Like there's a whole different signs to it. Yeah, but he was also after butcher when they rented the smoker. That's true too. That's true too. He's like, well, I've got Google. So that's how we're going to do this. Why is everybody freaking out? So then the editors decide just to have fun with this because they just kept on putting these timestamps in, which really had nothing to do with anything. It just added like this, this like sense of silly urgency,

like it was lawn order. It was like 20 minutes later and they're still trying to figure out how to turn on the smoker because they lit a bunch of charcoal on fire with like lighter fuel fluid and some stuff. And they put it in, they're like, mission accomplished. 20 minutes later, they're like, gosh, where's the heat? And then there's like this moment of crying. And like, uh, well, you heat? And then there's this moment of crying. And like, well, you have to build a TP with little sticks

over bigger sticks and like, it makes a fire. And like, that's, and like, but yeah, but this is charcoal. Well, consider the charcoal, the medium sticks, and like, little sticks are like the rather sticks. And we put the big sticks under the medium stick. So speaking of dumpster fires, let's go look and see what Thomas is doing with his new hell. So she's getting dressed and she's like, what should I wear? Should I wear a dress or shorts? And he's like, short shorts. They should be cut above your buttocks. Yeah. She is what I've got to do.

I've got to practice my whistle. to practice my whistle. Woo! Woo! No, that's not it. Hold on, hold on. No, no, that was a bird. No, no, no. I like the point out that he's still wearing white jeans.

I'd also like to point out that the first dress that actually tried on was perfectly nice. And then she puts on these like short, short, short shorts. And then like this top, the outfit looks ridiculous. It does not match the shorts are too short at the top. It's like it's like a bad outfit on its own. And it's also she's like, well, I'm just meeting these girls for the first time. I don't want them to think I'm a hoot. She's like, I'll lock the way your butt looks. That accentuates your physique. And so she's like,

okay. I'm like, my girl. He's like, I want people to see you for what you are. Oh lovely young piece of ass. Now, can you cut these shorter? And then he goes, Ashley and Catherine are quite different. Ashley has exquisite manners. Like, okay, Thomas, you're like, you're like miming fucking her up the butt while she's trying to put on her makeup. Thanks, Emily Post. Yeah, he's like, he's now 5.45 pm. Dun, dun. They're putting the ribs on on the smoker. And I forgot about this.

She puts the ribs on the smoker and he must have I touched the grill as he goes oh Craig why did you punch me through the fire? Oh I'm gonna go upstairs and reach hospital. This feels better. He's like to be or not to be burned. Oh, I'm gonna rest. Garsh and they get into this whole argument, right? We're like, chap is like, gosh, don't close it because we have to flip them. I mean, like, well, I don't know if you've flipped them. Like, crack, you're supposed to be the girl, man, girl master, but it's

smoking. No, you're supposed to turn the girl met girl master but it's smoking no you're supposed to turn it over do you know that no but at least I know that you're not supposed to turn it over but I'm gonna tell you to turn over anyway I was like what are you guys talking about they're about the idiots and Austin's like what kind of party is this you guys don't have appetizers yeah I mean we need to read those and like dip and so they sent him to he's like well why don't you go to the store then that would be great get some cheese cubes We also Jeal's up point out that he shows up with like a quote unquote six pack It's basically a saint Paulie's girl cardboard carrier first and he put like just six random bottles like

Three bottles two cans and then assault pepper shaker, you know It's like the half empty peanut butter jar from Chelsea South. And then he gave, he gave, he gave, he took me a moment there. He gave me, he gave me, like, I'm taking ownership of this gift. He gave Shep the Vietnam War book. He's like, I was like, Vietnam War, this is what I'm watching right now at PBS. Of course. And I was like, oh, I'm so jealous because because PBS took it offline and I was watching it. I was being like, ship. Oh my god, you're both just so smart. I mean, he was really holding that book so close to his chest.

It was cute. He was. He was straightening it. Whoa. Whoa. He was holding it like a trap or keeper. He was so. It was his favorite thing.

He was like leaving through it. You know, it was like the way I acted as a kid when my parents got me like a bunch of stickers. I was like, oh my god stickers. What a dark time in America. I can't wait to masturbate to this later. So Naomi is over at her house and all the girls start gathering and Chelsea's like, it's me, your normal girlfriend, just normal girl, my average girl here. And then

Danny and Catherine come over and they start bonding and Catherine's, they get you want to drink and Catherine's like, it's the first day back on camera. I think I'll hold off on that. She's like, well, would you like a look? I'm sorry. I thought it was look Roy in the army. It's like, no, it's a look. Look, uh, by the way, we had to talk about the fact that these women are all dressed up. They look beautiful. They've done their hair. They got makeup. They they they have these beautiful outfits on. And the guys are back there in like t shirtsshirts or like some you know five dollar button up arguing over tostitos and cheese cubes and what they're gonna get what they're gonna have awesome get. Like this the gender roles on this show are so fucked up. The women are like

are doing all the all the heavy lifting. They're they're they're the ones making an effort in life and these guys are like gosh how do you light up barbecue? Yep. And the women that love them. So. And then chef is the one who made Captain take a shower before sex. Yes. So what that is such a sex in the city storyline. Well, Miranda actually dated someone that made her take a shower right after every single time. I once hooked up with a guy who was like, you have to take a shower first. I was like, okay, it's weird, but you know what though? I respect loneliness.

Well, you know, I'm gonna count a build of coach. It's like, it's like, we're like, oh my god, what a weird person that they want hygiene. Did you press your teeth, let me smell. Teddy. So, Chelsea, or Danny, I'm giving Shep a condom. Should I put one more condom in there or just one?

And Chelsea's like, he done used those things anyway and They asked Catherine if he does and I forgot Catherine's like pretty much a bone half this cast and she's like no and you know mind I don't know I don't mind talking about it. It was a long time ago But yeah, he did make me take a shower first and I had to wipe off all my spray tan because I stayed this couch one time did make me take a shower first and I had to wipe off all my spray tan because I stayed just couch one time. Oh, God. And then it's like, I think it was 6.45 pm. I mean, I like that there's this countdown.

Like what will happen at 7.30 when the party starts. Like the for the first time ever in Bravo, we care about the exact start time of the party. So 645, they're all cooking and chef is cutting an onion. Did you notice this part? The chef is cutting an onion and he's just like crying. Gosh, why is it doing this to me? I'm never gonna be able to read my Vietnam book. I'm gonna look at Robert Racken, Mara. Gosh, I'm crying just knowing that I got a Vietnam book. Of course. He's like, is it weird that I want to call my mom and cry to her? I want to masturbate to mad him though. Gosh.

So back at the girls, they start talking about how JD and Elizabeth are done so. And Danielle is like, is Elizabeth coming? And Naomi's like, no, because that motherfucker JD said, I'm going out and you take the kids. Naomi is on a war path. I don't think Naomi's had this many lines the entire time she's been on the show,

except when she's yelling at Craig. And I'm loving that she's in the mix now with all the girls. She's like, fuck him. If he says one motherfucking thing and all the girls are just ready to kick his ass. Oh, yeah, they are. They are so mad. They hate him.

I love it. I love it. It's gonna be fun. Meanwhile, Thomas is, oh, I said Madam for over four. And I meant to say Madam two, I think. It's very important for me to have proper facts. Madam knew, Madam knew. So Thomas is

Over with like getting into the car with Ashley and he finally gets his cat car. He's like Got it. I finally got it got it raw She's like you'll protect me right is everybody gonna be mean for me because I'm excited to see Catherine reaction when you walk in with that. But she's like, am I dressing for Catherine now? I'm like, yes, like you weren't dressing for Catherine before. Come on now. And he's like, yeah, I'll protect you. You want to screw the driver. And she's like, well, that's a really good joke, Thomas. Oh, she's just biting her tongue. She's like, the things you do to be on TV. So now it's 715 done, done. And now, Chef is cont of the bartender at the party. He's like, do you have any cooking experience?

Can you cook our dinner for us? Like, they like the frenzy that these guys are in over the stupid smoker is so hilarious. And Craig, and then Craig is getting defensive because he feels like they're attacking him. And he's like, he's like, I mean, it's not fair. I mean, he's used this before. So of course he knows what he's doing. Like, Craig, stop being defensive. And then Austin goes in with tongs. Austin's like, tries, tries to pull the meat off, but he's using the chicken tongue. Craig's like, Craig, Chris, you can't do that. Oh, I just raw chicken. Just not cool, man. Like, oh, I'm I'm like oh sorry. I used to raw chicken don't sorry I'm like, it's actually like really bad for you. You can't do that Austin and so steps like can I put paper plates in the oven? You're being an asshole. You're being an asshole. You're being an asshole. You're being an asshole

So that's pretty much it so then we get this my favorite part of the whole show is So that's pretty much it. So then we get this, my favorite part of the whole show is, wait, how does this show, this show doesn't end well. Now it's this one, it's this low motion part. No, no. So now it's like seven, seven, 20. And now, now, sh- Now, Craig is now in a full, you know, full paranoid state

of thinking that everyone is coming down on him. And so, you know, Chef and Austin are talking about crap. They're just like obsessed with this smoker. And Tom, Thomas and Ashley get in their car with their rhodes. And this is when Danny asks Catherine, like, are you going to be okay with to meet Ashley? And Catherine's like, Ashley, who? I was like, I love a cat them Dennis shade.

Tell me when they get to the slow motion part. Okay. So then we're there. I'm like, and then they're fighting about meat and then they're fighting about meat again and then they're fighting about meat. They are. So Catherine says you're just going to play dumb because she was never formally introduced or told about Ashley. So she's just gonna play dumb because she was never formally introduced or told about Ashley,

so she's gonna act like she didn't know. And then Dan he was like, all the girls are talking about Ashley, and Dan he was like, I mean, who would move across the country for someone they didn't know very well? It's like, cut to Brittany, be like, Jay-Ex!

So, now at 7.24 pm, we're getting close to party time, but the guys are settling down. They now feel like everything's going to work out. They're going, Craig is now going through his like eighth stage of anxiety. Now he's like in the state of acceptance. He's gone from denial that anything's gone wrong to now being like, it's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. I was going to have a good time. It's okay. God give me the power to accept things that I cannot change. It'll be okay. It'll be okay. And And then it's like 7.27 p.m. and we see a snail sculpture and then we see a

Shabby is like, you know what? Despite all the friction and all this drive, we did it and The women are all like okay. It's time to go and so they are all they'll chose to each other They're like you know what at the end of the day We're all that we've got and we're women and we're not gonna screw each other over I'm like okay, you've clearly never seen a reality show and you're on one so we'll see how that looks out And tell sis like it's all about girl power women in power But except for that bitch friend of mine who I don't speak to anymore who had sex with my friend

Yeah, and now comes this love ocean part now. This is the best cuz it's like But They turn the they turn the theme song which is like the happiest thing to ever be made into music. It's the happiest song ever. They turn it into this horror music song, and it was the best thing. I wanted to download it onto my computer and like walk very slowly to it. Yeah, it was a haunting remix. It felt like it should have been out of like a Buzz Lerman movie, you know, like that haunting

moment when two star-crossed lovers meet by a fish tank. And I think that they made it for the first time that Whitney got a telegraph that his mom was going to get remarried to Mr. C. But they were like, this is too sad. He'd literally start talking back and forth and cutting himself on the thigh. So let's just put this to people driving to the party instead. It's like, it's the girl from the ring crawling very slowly out of the toy like coming to the party. And even she's better at dressing the guys. She's like, uh, you guys need some help with the smoker. It's so funny because it's really just shots of them all driving to the party and getting out. It's like, every honey bee, but I'm, but I.

I just thought that the 20 minutes of smoker chaos and drama were so funny. Just watching like bros bickering, like really bickering the three of them over what should happen and what to do and the anxiety that they had, they're all looking up on Google, they couldn't figure it out. They probably weren't inventing the thing, which is why I wasn't lighting up. And they should have used a charcoal, what a charcoal chimney, that's like the most reliable way to do it. But watching them just like,

just descend into madness over smoking some ribs. How many people will get food poisoning? At what point you say, let's put on the oven at 250 and stick the ribs in there for three, I was just do that. Well, welcome home, Southern Sharm. We sure let the town show up. Welcome home, we didn't forget you sure like the show. Welcome home.

We didn't forget you and we're so glad that you're here. What a great week of propo for all of us. We normally do mail back because it's Friday. But you know what? We are basically dead. You ready for a little nappy? I'm ready to go. Let's fly.

I'm ready for a nappy nap. We'll come back to the mail back And we also have a crap in spotlight for next week too So all that coming back to fall. Yeah We'll be back next week everybody. See you Monday for real housewives of Atlanta reunion part one Yeah, bye everyone Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone.

Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone.

Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone.

Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. on music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.