Watch What Crappens - SouthernCharm: No Royal Weddings On The Horizon

Episode Date: May 19, 2018

This week's "Southern Charm" is all about romantic prospects for men, which means we're in for maximum eye rolls. But here's the good news: we also get TWO scenes at Gwynn's! Who could ask fo...r anything more?? Afterwards, we check in on Southern Charm New Orleans and the Crappens Mailbag! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few, follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors! Christie Wowardy-Dowardy! Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low.
Starting point is 00:00:37 Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the bird! Jess Sayon, okay! Shannon out of a cannon Anthony! And our super premium Patreon subscribers, Kelly Grant, they grant Master! Give them hell, Miss Noel! Alyssa, Magic Micah, and Lizzie Drucker, a fun motherfucker! Watch what crap is, watch what crap is, who cares what happens when there's so much that happens What happens?
Starting point is 00:01:09 What happens? I'm not a crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, craper Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker from BSIBlog.com and the Band of Wonder Podcasts, and joining me on this very exciting day for Watcher Crappens. It's Ronnie Caram from trashtalktv.com and the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast. What's up? Well hello, B! How's it going? Everything's so good. I love a Friday! I love a Friday too and this is an exciting Friday for us because our fall
Starting point is 00:02:00 tour just went on sale this morning. There was a little bit of an ish with the Denver link but it's working now so go to watchocrapins.com to buy tickets to those shows. It's Denver, New York, Seattle, Nashville, Super Psyched. Also there's a link there to CSM Montreal for the Just for Left's Comedy Festival which is still bunkers that were in that. We really hope people come to that because there's a lot of famous people. And like we need people in our seats to see us. Otherwise, we're like, not gonna be cool in front of the famous people. And like, that's not cool. Who cares?
Starting point is 00:02:33 We'll just sell the famous people. We sold that. What the hell are they gonna know? That's true. They're not gonna come to our show anyway. So I was like, hey, Kevin Hart, did you see our sold out show? I want to prove myself to you, Kevin Hart. I have to prove myself to everyone
Starting point is 00:02:47 because this goes down to my childhood. Okay, so this festival is more than just the podcast. It's about resolving things from when I was a closeted gay boy at age 12, okay, everyone. Well, you deal with your issue your way and I'll lead to Domino's while we do the podcast and deal with my childhood. My way.
Starting point is 00:03:04 Exactly. And we're gonna have a new episode of so much that crap in on the TV party app. I think that's going up either today or over the weekend, but that's really fun. That's a little digital series that Ronnie and I are doing. And of course, lasts, but not least next month, big show and Phoenix talking real houses of New York, big show in San Francisco talking Southern charm. Go to watchrocrapins.com to get tickets for everything and life will be grand. Everything. Everything. Everything.
Starting point is 00:03:34 So that was our shilling. You guys, did you like that? It was so quick. Next week is the last week. Next week is the last week of give them Ben Ronchert. So go buy them at crappinsmersho.com or find the link at watchupcrapins.com. And we are done. We are done.
Starting point is 00:03:50 Who's in Madison for that? Trixi was a little quiet today. We know we had, well first of all, we're talking Southern term today and then we'll touch on Southern terms, noislands afterwards. So that's what the plan is. But Southern charm opened up with previously on Southern charm, Katherine went here and Thomas Ravinnell went there and Austin was like,
Starting point is 00:04:13 what, and like, Trixie was. And I feel pregnant. She's like, I never get pregnant. Previously on Southern charm, everyone else is stupid and I'm beating up with my life. Thanks Cameron. But all the tricks he did was a little like, it's easy as making you think that you love me.
Starting point is 00:04:32 I was like, well, I like it was like a brief, tricky, monical moment. Yeah, she's like, listen, I may not be in the rest of the show today, but I'm having an opening stunner. Are you ready? All right, let's just let's just get this straight. Okay. We have a Royal Ending happening tomorrow. Okay, and you want me to sing extra songs for Southern Charm? No, pause off. Paul just. Oh, Mark. Cue in some of the archive, Paul. I'm going off to see Megan.
Starting point is 00:04:59 Today I talked to my dad and he was like, Hey, you know that Royal wedding? I wonder if Megan Markle watches the housewash. So I was like, what has happened to you? Why would you care? Why are you thinking about that? That's a good question though. Well, actually, he said that girl, Markle, is it Markle?
Starting point is 00:05:17 I said Meghan Markle, dad. He's like, oh, maybe she watches housewash. It's like score if she does. Like, what would that mean really? You know, it did take me a moment to differentiate Megan Markle from the marvelous Miss Maisel. I was like wait what then I was like okay one of them is getting a royal wedding and one of them is a comedy about like A comedian yeah, I think becoming a comedian. Yeah, I'm back on Megan Markle. I'll be here all week Okay, I'm a better comedian than my husband was how about that?
Starting point is 00:05:47 Prince Harry, he's not funny, but I'm funny and I'm talking like a Gilmau girl, but in the 60s, ah! So we opened with Chelsea doing squats. And I was like, hmm. I was like, oh, squat, squat, squat. And then we saw Naomi cutting, like, rancid grapefruit. She's like, ah, j like rancid grape fruits. She's like She they test lay grape lay lay grape fruits Forget I say grapefruit in French. I can't even believe I like Naomi so much because I'm really against putting fruit in a cake tray
Starting point is 00:06:17 Like a cake display case does that like never why would you just fuck you to cakes like that? Didn't you ever have growing up like a fruit ripener that is a cake tracer is a glass round but you know what you've seen a fruit because I feel like that was big in the 80s right the big circle balls and you put your fruit in them and ripens them so what they are I thought a fruit ripener was called the Sun that's a big red ball. Well, big orange ball. Listen, you put the you put the today is the day I get bent to the
Starting point is 00:06:50 worst. I'm out of no. I'm trying to explain what a fruit ripener is and you disrespect me with sarcastic comments about the Sun. You put the root ripener into Sun. I finally got to bend. It's taken a long time, but I finally do it. I finally got to Ben. It's taken a long time, but I finally do it. It's the same concept putting in a cake tray. However, I agree. I actually agree with you. If you want to ripen the fruit, put it in a fruit ripener, but don't put it in a cake tray. That was my that was my sugar maker monologue. I Have seen many things in this world and I have lived through all of them But I have never seen the disrespect that you showed that grapefruit under that cake dome
Starting point is 00:07:30 I have seen wedding cakes. I have seen funeral cakes, but never have I seen a grapefruit and a craic Cake tray have there you and that's the not the lots went out in Georgia And that's the not the lots went out in Georgia Yeah, so she put a great for eating cake tray and then Cameron is just This is Cameron. She's just like That's my impersonation of Cameron this old time and then they did a close-up of one of those creepy ass old dolls Like the kind kind from the horror movie where there's that doll in the glass case, the jewelry case, another misused glass case. Yeah, people are not populating their glass cases with the proper items. I know, catch up, the south.
Starting point is 00:08:17 I mean, where else would you put Annabelle the doll? I think I'd probably, it's a demon doll, right? A cake tray, a cake case. That's where to put Annabelle the doll. I think I'd probably, it's a demon doll, right? A cake tray, a cake case. That's where to put an animal. Cake Casey. I put your ink. Oh no, because you can't say that because cake Casey is actually pregnant. She is.
Starting point is 00:08:34 You can't, yeah, you can't talk about scary dolls in a womb. Oh no, no, don't do that. She's just going to have a cute little rondle baby. A little, yeah. So either way, um, so Cameron's pregnant and she got creepy doll on the shelf and she's like, well, I'm packing for the hospital because I'm gonna go see my OB today
Starting point is 00:08:51 and they're probably gonna induce me because I've been pregnant for about 67 weeks now. So they're gonna just like knock this baby right on out of me. It's kind of crazy, yeah, I think I'm having some cramps. Poor Cameron, she is so huge. And that baby just doesn't want to leave her for someone who didn't really want to get pregnant that It's like when you're you're thinking of doing Airbnb and you finally do it and they won't leave the place It's like get out. It's like on a rest of development when Lucille Blue says that after she gave birth to buster
Starting point is 00:09:18 They found claw marks on the inside of her room She's kept him in there next to him on there's something. So Cameron calls her mom Bonnie and Monty's like, oh my God, I love her already. Does your husband know you're going to labor? Which is actually a good question. Yeah. Where is that guy? Have you seen him on Instagram?
Starting point is 00:09:41 Because he is like so cute and sweet. They need to show him on this show because on now I have it in my mind that he's emotionally abusive because he won't come on this show I've made him into a monster in my head, but then on Instagram. He's so sweet Well, that's because Patrick ruined all off-screen lovers for all of Bravo because when we finally got to see Patrick And he had a man bun and an attitude. Really, this is the mysterious Patrick who whisked you away from Vanderpump rules. This is what it was for, is this Assaults.
Starting point is 00:10:09 Now we sort of assume any guy who doesn't come on TV is an Assault with a man bun. I like that he went back in time just to make Jason not come on this show. Yeah. He liked that in a time machine. He's like, people really hate my man bun in 2018. Don't go on the show. I'm just imagining that Jason has a man bun
Starting point is 00:10:26 and he's delivering babies and he's just like, wow, what a myopic labor you seem to be in. He's like, you're really putting red sauce on that. So here's the deal after you give birth. I'm gonna block you in social media and go to the Men Gach Museum in Amsterdam and then we won't talk about what happens And I'll come back in three weeks and see how the baby is. You're like, what are we or doctor?
Starting point is 00:10:49 Yeah, it's only cheating on your baby if the baby knows So Cameron's like, oh my god, I'm gonna have a baby and I'm worried that I might feel things So it's like well welcome to my life. Yeah So let's see next up is Catherine Yeah, well, welcome to my life. Yeah. So let's see. Next up is Catherine. Yeah, she's going to do fitness with Chelsea. You're turning her into Carol Radswell. I know, but my boy, I've smoked so much that my whisper voice is just the same now. It's also how I whisper in real life. I'm like, yeah, are you away? In my wake, you up. So yeah, so Catherine is going to the gym with Chelsea and her roommate Adi. The Adi is a trainer and Catherine's like,
Starting point is 00:11:31 arm, I used to be in shape and then of course Bravo cussed to her from four years ago looking as skinny as a rail. Just they're like, let's just body shape her a little bit. And like, now I have hips, arm and stretch marks, arm. So she goes to the gym and they're working out and they're doing squats and everything. And at one point, they have a mallet and they're hitting a hammer.
Starting point is 00:11:53 I'm sorry, they're using a hammer to basically hit a tire. And for some reason, I imagine that every time that Catherine with the tire, she's just go, hammer, hammer. I don't know why. I just imagine it just making it a very literal experience. Squat. Squat. Jumping. I don't know why. I mean, Catherine has been through so much on this show and she's really, I mean, she's acted out in different ways in her personal life, but we don't see all that much these days. You know, we used to see the,
Starting point is 00:12:25 Tommy has come back. Or that time when she went into the, Thomas's speech ceremony and like, yeah, I guess that was right before the Thomas thing where she was acting crazy. Yeah, but now we don't see her take that much anger out anymore. And so it was really good to see her hit that tire.
Starting point is 00:12:41 Yeah. I don't know how it was the tire that, I don't know what triggered her with the tire. My point is, it was good seeing her beat a big tire. Well, it looks sort of like Ashley. And so she was like, bitch. A big tire. Yeah, big, you know, you could imagine like drawing
Starting point is 00:12:55 a smiley face in the middle of the tire. And it's like, that's actually actually. She sort of has a tire face. Like, you know, so Lord knows she's getting run over a lot of her face She's she has treads so Chelsea's are really nice girl And I know we make her sound like Forest Gump because she does but forest gump is also really nice But here's why I can never be friends with Chelsea because she says things like this hey K3. Let's start hitting the gym Fuck you.
Starting point is 00:13:25 How dare you talk to me like that? You think you're talking to you, Chelsea? Yeah, save it for the willow salon, okay? You're talking to someone who is a potential intern at Gwins, all right? So, Katherine's using psychology language, which I love. She's like, Drust! Drust! After last night, we we were talking and there was flirtatious
Starting point is 00:13:49 whatever in front of Ashley, our role. Our role. It's triangulation. He feeds his ego by making triangles. Yes, yes, psychology. After money's worked. I know. At first I was like triangulation, isn't that what you do with cell phone towers on 24 to find people on the run But then but then I was a part of the band you take when you don't know how to play a banjo No, that's how you dance to when someone plays the triangle triangulation
Starting point is 00:14:17 But then I saw I really use a psychological term for like basically what she was saying. I was like oh my god I learned something on Southern term Well if you told me I was triangulating I would think you mean I'm yielding. Like, yield, Ronnie, triangulate. It sounds like triangle sex. Like, oh my God, those triangles are triangulating. Like, ew, ew, isn't it? I saw sleeves with a scalene. It may sound like, why are they talking about triangle so much? It's called foreshadowing for a scene later in the show This show is always going in triangles Yeah, so Chelsea's like well the best revenge is a is a banging body
Starting point is 00:14:57 I think that's what got her into this mess, okay? Yeah, that's true. Well, there is that show called revenge body So anyway speaking of revenge bodies we then go in Kardashian winning. Is she? Yeah, she's like, it has revenge on herself. So she's like, I got you me. So then, speaking of revenge bodies, we then go to Austin doing some stretches in a park. And I don't know why this was like my favorite thing. Some random dog with a giant flower on it's side, came like trotting by it, but like didn't even bother, it was like, excuse me, I got somewhere to go.
Starting point is 00:15:31 He's like, hey buddy, I'm like, that's not a buddy, that has a flower in it, that is a lady dog. And you treat her as such. Yes, sir, have some respect. Her name is probably Lulu, okay. Lulu. So why are they working out so much in this episode? It's making me really uncomfortable.
Starting point is 00:15:48 I just watched people work at, and now these two are working, huh? And Austin's like stretching, and you can tell, because this is what you hear. His mouth moving. This is mouth moving randomly while he's stretching. Yeah, so he's stretching and then Craig comes and joins and they go jogging and they're talking about girls and stuff and And Austin's been texting with Victoria who is his ex was the ex that was like after
Starting point is 00:16:14 After what's her face Chelsea? So she was the one who was Chelsea's friend and then he was like, oh wait I'm dating her friend by accident and now Chelsea's mad and I think I want to go back to Chelsea and she's like, okay So that's Victoria. Yeah, so they're running and Craig's like Sean goes to the gym every day That's how he got over his breakup like no, he didn't he got his breakup sitting with you on a couch watching murder She wrote while you make pillows and that's okay. You can say that too How about you let Sean speak for himself because you're talking a lot about Sean like Sean Sean exercises a lot. Sean wants to get a dog.
Starting point is 00:16:46 Sean likes coffee or but sometimes he can't find it because now it's all dog. Greek yogurt. Oh my God. Please do not have a relationship with Sean when there's a run over here. Okay. They're going for the wrong one. So Austin is thinking he's being so romantic, which really grosses me out with Austin.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Austin really pretends to be so nice, but he's really gross. He's like, last night when I was coming back, she texted me, so I went over. I'm like, that is so gross. You would just try to get with Chelsea that night. In the second she doesn't get with you, you go to her friend. That's not good. I have never done something like that ever. Me, neither. Never. Me, neither. I have done it several times. Me neither, me neither, I have done it several times. Um, that's pretty gross though. No it is terrible behavior. Like you know what, we men are actually hideous. And like our behavior is, I don't know how we got like this
Starting point is 00:17:37 and we have to change because you know, especially like if a guy is horny, it's really, I used to always be like, oh that's bullshit, but when a guy's horny, we really do always be like, oh, that's bullshit, but when a guy's horny, we really do not think, and that's not an excuse. It's more like why we should be thrown into a pit. Well, if anywhere has a pit ready for us, it's somewhere in the South. We love our pits.
Starting point is 00:17:59 The peach pit. So one of the issues that now Austin's trying to convince himself that Victoria is really the lady for him because he's like, well, you know, he's like, when I'm with Chelsea, there's always such great chemistry, but she's always in bed by 9 o'clock and Victoria, she likes to party until late and then wake up early and go to work. So like, we just mash, you know. Yeah, well, it is important to find someone who can drink as much as you because otherwise, you're just going to make somebody crazy. and I speak from personal experience as a person who's alone all the time.
Starting point is 00:18:29 So Craig's like, yeah, we got to man up and move on. Do you want to cap hello? He's like, yeah, I have to be with someone who really likes your lifestyle, you know, other girls they like me and I was with someone who doesn't like me for a year. I mean, I made so many therapy pillows during that time. It was my blue period. Do you know how many pillows I have that just say, man, you're man. It's time to get over it. I once made four pillows that said STOP. I just put them together and then when I came
Starting point is 00:19:04 back, they only had rearranged them to post because I hadn't gotten the mail. I was like, stop. Oh, yeah. That's why I stopped making square pillows. Only triangles from now on. Try to read that up. Send out.
Starting point is 00:19:16 I call it triangulation. Yield. So next up is Naomi and Wilson her Basketball that she's talking to her ball like ball that she's talking. I'm glad we're on the same wavelength We're like let's make a really easy Wilson joke Yeah, she's with her she's with her gay and he's just like pestering her about like he's like did you get the catnet off all the sheets Because everywhere you're stupid little cats. She's like yes I did bonjour and then he's like, okay, what about these tea towels? We didn't iron for these tea towels because I don't want them hanging here just like paper towels. She's like, well,
Starting point is 00:19:52 I just use my hair strainer on that. He's like, you do? And she's like, yeah, it's the same concept. And she starts like using her like flat iron on it, which seems to make sense. But then you're getting just hair oils all over. True. I was just thinking, what's the point of being gay in the South if you're just gonna be marrying a naggy woman That's true, too. Can you imagine me married to Wilson? Oh my god He just followed me around with a dustbuster. He's like, oh my god. The wonders of Naomi never sees to amaze me Someone iron in a tea towel with a hair straightener and iron in the sheets. We're gonna iron the tap I mean, you know what? It's let's just break up already. I've never even met you to tea towel with a hair straightener. And iron in the sheets. We're gonna iron the towel.
Starting point is 00:20:25 I mean, you know what, let's just break up already. I've never even met you. But I think you're too much for me, okay? I like Wilson so far, and I understand why he is there because that gorgeous kitchen island. It's like, you put out a kitchen island like that. The gays will come flocking. They don't care who they're living with.
Starting point is 00:20:42 Yeah, we love an island. Yeah, no man is an island, but every man deserves one. Yeah, hugs. So she's like, oh my god, you're too clean. He's like, you're not cleaning up. She's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't you speak your dirty French to me, dirty French lady?
Starting point is 00:20:58 You're three times a week. And then somehow this turns into her talking about going to business school and saying, you know know i went to business school because i they called the business uh... because you know i wanted to run my own business someday and you know it's time to put the brush the canvas to get to work i was like that is so french saying brush the canvas and suppose to like to work the rubber meets the road whatever like that's so american to say rubber meets the road like french people they really get it right
Starting point is 00:21:22 brush their hands make so much more beautiful they try and make business school sound artistic, okay? You're not putting your brush to campus. You are putting wheels on the office floor mat. It's time to put the Staples company account through the machine. Yes, okay, so next step, that may be a sense of apologize. I was with you. I was thinking about how office chairs roll around on those little plastic mats Yeah, then I was wondering how much to those costs could I could I could use one don't get one because I got one once and for a while
Starting point is 00:21:55 It was awesome, but a the moment that your wheels teeter off the mat onto carpet. It's like ah and then also it's like, ah, and then also, they suck. Mine broke. The wheels are to bore a hole in them, so then you get all these little plastic cards everywhere. It's a tease. It's a tease of smooth rolling, but it actually causes more drama. Well, I need one because I pulled up all the tiles and it's not the tiles, but the laminate tiles in my kitchen, so it looks really, it's like a big circular hole, basically. But I feel like those office mats would fence me in, because you can't go over, you know,
Starting point is 00:22:29 and let's look at what I'm doing right now. Hi. You have to get a few. You have to make like a little track, because that's what I'm saying. They go, they, you, of course, you can roll off. It's not the biggest deal, but when you, when you roll off the office mat onto the carpet, you feel a little bit of shame. Like, why am I going so far back?
Starting point is 00:22:48 Like, do I need to do this? Like, am I a restless person, you know? Yeah. Yes. I do know, because I'm not gonna be fenced in by a goddamn office mat. Also, I can't fit them on my scooter. And also, they're spiky on the bottom.
Starting point is 00:23:00 So, they're spiky to sort of like of like cling onto the carpet. So if you're putting it on laminate, you may have to get a special one. I'm just gonna iron my laminate floor with a hair iron. Because what else am I gonna use it for? Maybe Craig could stitch something in that says work. Work floor. So chef calls his dad. Rip. Rip. And these are such other means he's like how's witty current here in which is so cute like house pal meadow and you know pimento meadow a meadow yeah so rip calls all these like senior garish junior garish what's going on is a high dad He's like senior garish to junior garish. What's going on? It's like hi dad. It's like so how's it going good dad? Well dad. I don't even know what they talked about. They just talked
Starting point is 00:23:52 Oh, oh, the chef is really chef is really it's like yeah, we get it Chef you're not over gonna grow up. He's like the rose name will live on even though it's not with me through Palmetto I'm a man. Oh dad now it's not resting on all my show it's not all resting on my shoulders gores and his dad's like gores you might have children we don't know about gars it's like oh that's a good one dad hey dad can I call you back I'm on episode eight of the Vietnam War and I think things are really gonna turn around for us Vietnam War and I think things are really gonna turn around for us. So then to dad, they showed a clip because chefs like,
Starting point is 00:24:31 gosh, I love my dad, gosh, and they showed a clip of his dad, it's telling his dad, dad, well, I ever settled down. It's a real nobiter. And his dad's like, ship, the woman you'll marry isn't even born yet, gosh, so great. I think that was from last season, but it does actually some great Southern shade. And he gets really good dad and buddy. That's more of a read, I guess.
Starting point is 00:24:49 Yeah, it's a good dad Gars read. It's a great dad Gars read. And he's like, well, if you're gonna flip that house, Gars, you better get some Bermuda Gars Shooter, Sutters. And you'll really get top Gars dollars. And he's like, thanks dad gars gars well anyway I got to get to see if I'm waking up early to watch the well-wedding with Megan Garsh Fair?
Starting point is 00:25:25 Gotta go watch a wheel of Garshan. Garsh or no Garsh, I love that show. So he tells us things weren't healthy to say the least opening bars. Garsh, now I have a downtown place, a place on the beach. It's the perfect idea of mailbox money. Like, that's what I call welfare, okay? When I was getting unemployment check and food stamps, that's what I was calling mailbox money.
Starting point is 00:25:51 I really need to learn how rich people are doing things. I know, I love the idea of mailbox money. I want that. I feel like it doesn't really exist, though. So then we go to the fashion capital of all of the Charleston area, Gwins, where Patricia has arrived. And she is there to see Madison, who we met last week. Madison is the sion to the Gwins empire. And Patricia has arrived at Gwins because she wants to transform Ashley.
Starting point is 00:26:20 She wants to do some pig malion stuff to her. So she's like, Why be a low-class hooker when you can be a high-class hooker? The rain in Spain falls mainly on your day-colletage. Decla-te-ge. Decla-te-ge. Decla-te-ge. Why am I saying it weird? I don't know why I said it weird.
Starting point is 00:26:39 I'm only taking one student at a time, Benjamin. What we want to get away from is the California look, not a lot of decolatage and short of the mason. Dixon line, if you know what I mean, Madison. Madison's like, I have no idea what you mean. Oh yeah. And you don't want to. So she's like, yes, I just get away from this California look. And because it's not my habit to do makeovers on strangers, but it's justified. He wants to make her into a southern bell, and it's certainly time for him to settle down. Pretty soon he'll be on medicare one we were just talking about it. I Don't usually do a person of style and for people but in this case, I think it's justified. I mean look at her
Starting point is 00:27:36 She walks around everywhere looking like Terry God can't have that If you dress like a pinata don't be surprised when someone takes a bat tea and he's Nancy Kerrigan. Guess what? You dress around like that too much. You're going to wind up in the sea, something away. Darryl Anna. And Ashley shows up and does her thing where she's like, I am a hospice worker. This is how I talk to people. Like, we can hear you Ashley, okay. We're not all in the hospice. She's like, hi, how are you? Can I change your bed pants today, man? She's Ashley. She's all that. I am a hospice worker, which is why I came to Gwyn's, which is in a dying industry, a department store. I am all for the news. Social commentary.
Starting point is 00:28:26 She's like, I'm taking the bedpan on this store. Oh, Gwyn's is, I can like imagine there's like a giant bedpan under Gwyn's. Gwyn's is the best set piece ever and I love that they brought it on the season. It's the new set. It's like the next day. Yeah, out of nowhere. Out of nowhere, they're just like, hey like hey, let's have twins every episode now It's like because we have this is our first of two different wins scenes this episode. It's like Yes, I want twins and I love when they show the exterior because it's like in some sort of like it is in a pit
Starting point is 00:28:56 It looks like it's in a pit with trees and there's like parking lot I'm like I don't know where this place is you probably have to go around three mountains to find it But then when you do, you get to goons. Yes. And I love that you can see the future. Like this is how Patricia and Catherine make up in goons. It's going to be like, OK, here. You're going to be styling a lady who drinks martinis
Starting point is 00:29:16 the size of a head and has my teen husband, so whatever. And she'll be like, um, polka dots. She'll be like polka dots She'll be a quiet Catherine. I never knew you knew me so well Now we're the little birds and just exodus. Oh, I'm sorry. This is queens not penguins They're still got it still got it So let's see, as I say, Hi, how are you? Oh my gosh, that ring, man.
Starting point is 00:29:48 Hello. Could I have one of those two things? So as I can see that, I'm good at ring shopping. Yeah. So Ashley arrives. And then so Patricia starts dressing her up in all sorts of fancy Chanel things, which I actually thought looked great.
Starting point is 00:30:04 I actually, we have Chanel and Jimmy too. I mean, well you know me I don't think just because it has a brand name and it's expensive it looks good. I'm actually you know I pushed back on that. I had a little bit of a tirade about Louis Vuitton last week. So this week you know I'm just saying I actually thought it looked good but my favorite part was that Madison popped up open some champagne and Patricia goes my favorite sound Smells like breakfast I'm sorry. I thought that was the sound of another fiance coming through the door You know what I always say snap crackle and pop pop pop pop pop
Starting point is 00:30:44 I should say I love rice crispy, I love Rice Krispies. I'm not familiar with that. Don't say that. It makes us sad and poor. So Ashley comes down. She's like, I feel like a Barbie doll, ma'am. So like, honey, never refer to yourself as a Barbie doll. She ended up with a man with a lump of feeders. You'll never have babies that way,
Starting point is 00:31:04 and that's how you keep them. Well, I feel like a pretty woman and don't say that either, honey. She was a processor. I feel like Condoleezza Rice. I guess we'll keep with that. Don't we, Parton? Nine to five, a best little whorehouse in Texas. Straight talk? No one listens to the radio anymore I feel never happened a phonograms what are those called those records records it's rollers it's rollers Austin's like oh I just realized I love Victoria he's just trying to stick it in any big horn hole you can find out after he got
Starting point is 00:31:42 done by Chelsea okay I, I'll leave. I'll see myself at thanks guys. So anyway, so they sit down and Patricia's gonna give her a big pep talk. And Asha's like, well, you know, I didn't move across the country to be with someone who I didn't see potential with. I mean, you know, I think we've all seen it. What's inside those white pants? Am I right, everyone?
Starting point is 00:32:03 I'm right like, is it? Oh, she is. She really is disgusting and I want her God, okay, but I love that she has a scene with Patricia Where Patricia just stares her down Because you can't tell she's being nicer not she's like all right It's like a glove literally and I'm like what kind what kind of glove are you being mean? literally and I'm like what kind what kind of lover you being mean is it like she's like that looks great and it's this gold beaded dress with like beaded armpit waddles I don't know what the hell that was I cannot wait for project runway to come back because the way we describe these dresses is gonna be out of control I wrote
Starting point is 00:32:44 gold crazy armpit dress but yeah but yeah, it was like, it was like the fish costume in that movie where the lady tries to bone the fish. Oh, the shape of water, yeah. Yeah. You're the shape of water. Is that nice? Is it not nice?
Starting point is 00:32:58 I don't know, what is it? What is it? What is it? Gars, it's time to go to a commercial. Ah, Craig! Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle.
Starting point is 00:33:20 And we're the host of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into
Starting point is 00:33:45 a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondering Out. So yeah, Patricia is like, you know, she's giving advice.
Starting point is 00:34:16 She's like, I've had three husbands. I could have had 20. Just brag in a little bit. I was like, you go, you go. Practice makes perfect. I'm like, you remember that you did this with landed recently, right? Landed like literally living in some bird house right now and like about in my mind.
Starting point is 00:34:37 Still working on that room.com launch party. Well, who doesn't want to go to Rome? Well, who doesn't want to go to Rome? It may not be seven times. Just saying. Just saying every time someone proposed to me, right on that fountain. So yeah, Patricia is like, you know, women who come in and just start playing house. It can be a little burdensome to man, you know, like you got to show you have your own life. I mean, I know how to close the deal I dated my current fiance before he asked me to marry him. Now I
Starting point is 00:35:11 Didn't did I forget that she was engaged? Is that something that happened to begin this season because I told it for Yeah, yeah, that's where she got that rock on her finger that she's that bowling ball rock thing that she's carrying I mean she's got some strong hands. I'll tell you that's either costume jewelry or she's been lifting bowling balls for whole life. I mean, that is so. That's a strong hand. But I like her reverse feminism. She's like, well, it's important to have your own life
Starting point is 00:35:35 and your own monestry and your own friends because men find it attractive. Wait a minute. It's actually really good feminist advice that you just ruin it at the end. Yeah, do it all to get the approval of a man. Yeah. But she wasn't saying get the approval of a man.
Starting point is 00:35:48 She basically is saying like, don't be needy. Yeah, well, she said, yeah. She found it attractive when women have a laugh. For instance, me, like a man laugh, I say to my house and rearrange elephant figurines with Buddha figurines and have stories I have them play out cat on the hot tin roof the Mark was playing breakfast last night Mark
Starting point is 00:36:14 I'm on the hot tin Sorry Michael looks like he wants to touch myself every touch himself every time he goes through my arc out I have a lot. I mean love that. Reveals in the pudding. I've had one success one after the other. It's like landing. Oh, will you let me in? Quint! Quint! Let me back! Quint. It's landing. Landing has a gift card that she's still in the same team. Landon's been banished from everywhere in Charleston. I'm sorry you were no longer welcome at Quinn's.
Starting point is 00:36:50 Landon. But I'm sorry. Is this because I didn't invite you to the roller skating party? No. No, it's because she got too close. She almost found out who Quinn was. She was lurking around. They thought she was a customer and then she saw a door and when no one was looking, she sort of like went down this dark hallway and was like, oh my god,
Starting point is 00:37:13 I'm getting close to Gwen. I think I'm about to find Gwen and then Madison and her dad just step in front of her like, can we help you? Can we help you? You know, it goes from there. You can see how I look can take it from there everyone. So they get I thought it said a thousand something dollars but later they write a thousand yeah well I guess so so she's like thank you Thomas. Oh it's correct me up. So Chelsea is next and she's with her dog. Yeah. And that's really it. Well, she calls her brother. Who's they? Yeah. Do you hear how they answer the phone? They go. She calls her brother. He goes, Hey, and she goes, Hey, when we're sibling and there'll be a Southern Santa coming down the goddamn gym. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Starting point is 00:38:05 Hey, um, yeah. So they, um, she calls her brother and she's like, I think we're gonna take the group to Hilton Head because, you know, we grew up and I love Hilton's and I love my head. So it seems like a natural fit. I love Hilton's, the Hilton's love head. There we go.
Starting point is 00:38:19 It's a, it's a master call. I like when she goes, what are you doing? And he goes, I'm drinking a little room at the Taky bar. What? Only on this show is that what someone says. Well, you got to show you have a laugh. So he's like so many men are attracted to me right now.
Starting point is 00:38:39 We actually, like, I'm sure they were, because we saw some photos from their childhood. And her brother back in the day was hot. Her brother back in this day, okay? He's still a door of a hot back then. And I love the idea of that guy just drinking a little umbrella drink. He's the cutest thing. Got to help my head, brother. Yeah. So next up is Shep at Five Church, which is the only church his ass is ever going to be in.
Starting point is 00:39:04 Shep at Five Church to meet Whitney. So Whitney's like, I ordered a nice bottle of Merlot. Mother made me. Oh, go ahead, great. Thanks, invisible mom. And then Thomas Ravinnell joins. And when he's like, squire, squire, I was like, uh, the formalities Thomas what is Thomas? I never know what Thomas is getting at He's just so creepy with whatever he says and Whitney's just there like hi I've got a giant wooden spoon to stir whatever shit you lay right on this table. He is good about that I mean he is the thing the thing is this Whitney just always calls Thomas the dinner because he knows Thomas is gonna say something dumb
Starting point is 00:39:42 And he's just he is he's got to put his wooden spoon in that shit and stirred around yeah he's gonna be like I'm gonna see if I can make him do another child support mother Yes mother so Thomas like well I just made him really get off very intensely yeah well you know that's his favorite thing ruining lives So Thomas is like, well, I missed my uber. I was talking to this girl named Nicky, who's a friend of Ashley. Okay, are you opening a murder mystery? Why are you telling the story like that? Who the fuck cares? Yeah, and he's, so talking about women, so of course, T-Rap has one of his patented jokes. He's like, you know, the only drawback with Ashes, the same with all women, you can't date. And then he does that laugh for his like
Starting point is 00:40:35 whole upper-based scrunches into like one little tiny like gum wrapper that you scrunch up. I'm a rapper that you scrunch up, you know? He's like, he's so he's talking about like back in the day, like I remember with Catherine, you know, we, you know, she wasn't on birth control. I thought she was being reckless and having sex for 10 times a day. No one can keep up with that appetite.
Starting point is 00:41:01 I mean, to this day, mom, what genes haven't recovered? I remember a friend of mine saying, you've been dating three months in a day and she's been pregnant for three. You are really a piece of work. So then Whitney's like, whoa, it sounds like, like, like you like Ashley, huh? No drawbacks to Ashley. You don't want to complain about Ashley at all. Are you saying that a certain whole week has set in? He's a stick to the stick to France, please. I don't speak Spanish. On way.
Starting point is 00:41:31 Well, so then when he's like, so how often do you and Catherine have indiscriminately have sex? And he's like, well, I call it an annual event. I'm like, oh, why is this making me feel gross? It's making the world feel gross, OK? People are wondering why fertility rates are going down. I blame Bravo Yeah, I said sperm are just like killing themselves Let's talk about something happier. Let's go back to go in's can we? Yes, I'm just oh, yeah, let's go back to go in's was there anything else you want to say about that scene?
Starting point is 00:42:01 Or should we just move ahead to go in? Well, yeah, because chef is like oh Garsh you guys can't help before right gosh, and he's like well inside beauty whatever He's going on about and chefs like I get it. Is she dating anyone and Whitney's like why are you horny? And chips is well, I mean I'm not not horny. Oh my god. You guys leave Catherine alone She's not like a scratching post Well, and she also has important things to do because guess what she got an internship at twins so It's day one of the internship and she shows up and Madison is like, okay
Starting point is 00:42:36 We're gonna put you to the test. This is the twins challenge We are gonna pretend that there is a 40-year-old lady here and she wants We are going to pretend that there is a 40 year old lady here and she wants two formal looks and one cocktail look do it so Catherine has to like arm her way around Gwen she's like arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, governor. I was like, well, oh, oh, yeah. Just in career trajectory. I trailed off on my sentence. I put, well, and then there's nothing else there. Nice work, Ronnie. Nice note taking buddy. Well, yes.
Starting point is 00:43:35 Yes, exactly. So she's like, here's what I make. Polkadot and Capri's for the lady with kids because she can still be around kids in not getting trouble and then at nighttime I picked some polka dots with some Capri's because it's okay she can have cocktails around the kids in not getting trouble and Madison's like um some feedback this is all in black and white I'll take it Gwen it's not your seam Patricia can out of here black and white today is it man used to marry?
Starting point is 00:44:09 What black and white today is a women or men used to marry when it was all black and white I thought you were gonna say more than I thought we got cut off. I did too. I thought you hung up on me I was just being Patricia in a dressing room. Either way Madison is like well Catherine just some feedback. I love where your heads at. Not sure where your eyes are because this is all black. Could you maybe put some jewelry on? There's called accessories honey. Oh you're tired. Let me pat your head. Guess what? This is while we're not paying you. It's an internship. Okay. Well, good luck next time. Gwins. Yeah. She's, I can see why she's running a storm. I mean, she's the guy's kid, but also,
Starting point is 00:44:51 she's really good with the upsell. She's like, this needs some jewelry. It's kind of like back of that ice cream scoop and shot. You charge 50 cents extra on that and then get another or Santa's a tip. Oh, erm, I can't hit. Oh, erm. So now we go to Austin, and he is at a restaurant called Red Drum, and he's going to be having a date with Victoria, and I just feel like I feel like it's a bad old man to go on a date with someone at a place called Red Drum. Red Drum. Red Drum. He's like, I want to date twins. Yeah. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on.
Starting point is 00:45:25 I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on.
Starting point is 00:45:32 I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on.
Starting point is 00:45:39 I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on. I'm glad you're on wheel 47, please You're so fancy Victoria comes in and they order and she's like I love ceviche and he's like I love ceviche It's so sad that he just died. No, that's a VG
Starting point is 00:46:00 But he was so good at the piano that's lip-ratching But he was so good at the piano that's lip-ratching Well, I like Swiss more than Emmintol or well now you're just talking about cheese Who do you like better a Eva Perrone or ceviche guava? So often like This is a weird question. He's like, so how was your lunch? Who does that? And she's like, well, I had two hours of lunch. So I think, yo, uh, maybe I should start coming to your house on lunch break. Patricia's like, red alert, red alert. She's gonna come bird and soon.
Starting point is 00:46:39 She's making house in your house. She got to have your own life girl. Lunch break. No one marries someone that compares themselves to a Turkish sandwich. So basically long story short, it's like, where do we stand? Because he's basically crawling back there. He's like, yeah, I thought I had a better thing with Chelsea, he didn't work out. So I'm back to you.
Starting point is 00:47:01 Will you take me back? She's like, well, I just wanna know. Like, if you're coming back, you're coming back. We're either back. She's like, well, I just want to know, like, if you're coming back, like, you're coming back, like, we're either together or not together. Like, it's like, it's me and you only. And he's like, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're being really tough. Do you remember five seconds ago when you just said you wanted to come to his house every day from lunch break? Well, you sure are playing hard to get there, Victoria. Yeah. So I guess they're an item now. I guess that sounded to me like they're exclusive.
Starting point is 00:47:27 Yeah, and she brought up Chelsea. She's like, well, I am friends with Chelsea, but I mean, if you're not gonna freak out and I can trust you, then we can, you know, you can still see Chelsea. He's like, no, stop there. It's only you, though, I want it. And to be true, you.
Starting point is 00:47:43 She's like, oh my God, we did it. It's another girlfriend, a boyfriend. Like you just trying to fuck Chelsea last night. Yeah, exactly. Well, it won't last long. So now we go over to Patricia's house and she's greeting her steps like, Thara, how's it going?
Starting point is 00:47:56 Hey Connie, Michael, someone moved the models, Michael. And by models, I, of course, I'm talking about T-Rav. So with me, with me is working with fortune cookies and he's like, my mother, how do you fit the fortunes in? She's like, you fold them like origami and then she folded them two and shoves it in the cookie. Very basic origami. Look, it's an origami book.
Starting point is 00:48:27 If this was an origami shape, it would be called a letter. No, these don't even fold it three times. Oh my God, people are going to think I have no class listening to this show. Don't call yourself a fortune cookie. What you are is a culinary delight. Listen, cookie, you're never going to get a fortune just by letting yourself get eaten by the first man who's your point net. So anyway, so it's, it's one of her classic all male dinners because
Starting point is 00:48:55 they're not enough of those. It's, it's going to be Trab, Shap, Craig, Austin, JD, you know, all those guys. Yeah, the classiest guys in town. And then they show clips of her previous male dinners and Whitney, you know, running around talking to someone who's not even there. He's like, Mother, do you want these allocators copulating on the table? Mother, do you want these pigs? These male showvans picture. Yeah, male showvans pigs.
Starting point is 00:49:19 I just said that, Mother. This year, I'm putting up a lot of little boot as putting me in triangle, so they could have some triangulation. What about that term recently? Heal, mother, heal. Wrong. So Thomas comes in first and when he's like, well, I guess I have to do everything around here.
Starting point is 00:49:37 I've got to fix your tie. And he like adjusts Thomas's tie. And the edders put in like this little chime. Like Whitney's magic touch. Like all better now. This is where Trixi Monaco was like, I've got a triangle, I've got a triangle, I'm gonna play a triangle. Just keep in the thing.
Starting point is 00:49:55 You're not paying me out here. You're not paying me enough to sing a song, but what I will do is I'll do the percussion. Alright? Pfft. Lymphatricia Priusus says she's just us. She's just one of every American. When she says, Does this come out now make my butt look big?
Starting point is 00:50:13 Hmm. And then JD walks and he's like, Wow! Oh my, oh my, you never found it! Ha! Hmm. Ha! You never look so perfect! Wow Ha! Mm-hmm. Ha! You never look so perfect.
Starting point is 00:50:27 Why? That's what you do. That JD impersonation really just did a number of my throat. I know. We're going to become the sisters from the Simpsons. Marge's sisters. It's like, two not smoking. Oh, that's Carol.
Starting point is 00:50:40 Carol keeps slipping into this recap. So let's see, JD Gross. gross and I just wrote I hope I never have to go to Charleston because I don't have a suit and I'm never wearing a suit Okay, I was thinking in myself. I'm excited to go to Charleston because I would like to wear suit I'm too sweaty. I will wear a kimono possibly and not a suit kimono. That's okay Well, you know what really know it Ronnie. I bet there are a lot of options at wins. Oh Let's go to twins. Well, I thought we were switching scenes again. Thank God we're not No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Guys, the guys are there and Thomas is complaining about Ashley because apparently the night before they went to a piano bar And he was having a great time
Starting point is 00:51:27 But Ashley wanted to leave and they started to fight and he's like I'm feeling this pressure like I just can't I just have a good time Can't I just have a good time? I'm like well, what do you think she feels like she's being dragged to a piano bar? Okay, like How about can she have a good time like how much dictus she have to suck can she have like a night off or she can do something fun? Yeah, pick a better good time, okay, and he always says it like Thomas just the way he talks He's like last night me and Ashley had a quote cool, okay Did you notice that Sherry O Terry Is the waiter
Starting point is 00:52:01 It's basically Sherry O TerryTerry with kind of a traumatized twitch. And she's like, what do you want? And he's like, I don't know. And she says, I can make you a Moscow Mule twitch. I was like, that's how to wait tables. Like, here's what you're having. Yeah, I like that.
Starting point is 00:52:20 Yeah, but Thomas, he's always, you know, it's always like, oh, why can't I have a good a good time oh my gosh you want so much for me to want so much like he's the the perpetual victim meanwhile like i didn't see you carry any babies in your stomach for nine months you know like like these ladies have to put up with a lot of from what you what you give them yeah he's like she's really bored may i'm gonna force someone to go drug test catheter and randomly now that's a good time.
Starting point is 00:52:45 I'm going to. So then they show a clip of this fight and cash Ashley's like, you know what? Um, it's not offensive, but you said it's just not funny, Thomas. It's just not funny, but we don't know what he said. But we see him, I guess this is supposed to be the proof that she's an ag or whatever. So then we cut back and he says, well, finally, we got home. And I said, look, do I need to send you back to California? I'm not putting up with this crap, which is so, and it's like so condescending and so patronizing and like, like what sort of relationship
Starting point is 00:53:17 is? I mean, but it is. Yeah. She really did Amazon Prime herself to Charles Stadden, she gets, you know, to get on a TV show and get some money So you should be able to return her there should be like at least a 30 day. It's a 30 day It's like it's on day 29 and he's like seriously contemplating calling him FedEx Yes, so Austin's like well, you know some people don't need to date because it's called compromise Welcome to it. I was like okay expert. Yeah, you you've had a girlfriend for one day Yeah compromise like calling your beer in a pair of teeth does not count as a compromise Welcome to it. I was like, okay, expert. Yeah. You've had a girlfriend for one day. Yeah. Compromise, like calling your beer in a pair of teeth does not count as a compromise.
Starting point is 00:53:50 Yeah. So he's like, she says eat this, eat that. I don't want to be controlled. And Whitney goes, you can't constrain Thomas Ravanale. Yeah. And Thomas is like, well, I have all the money and the power. You're you. Oh, gross. Yeah, it's so obnoxious. It's so so obnoxious So luckily the conversation moves to something less obnoxious, which is guess who's last It's Craig where's Craig and ship goes oh gosh. He's probably sowing you an excuse And all the guys left with like dog pile crags so they're all cracking up But when chef came in Michael's like here's your drink, sir and Patricia goes how did you know what he wanted?
Starting point is 00:54:31 And Michael goes he texted me an hour ago Yeah, that's so stuff to be like blink. I don't know when I'm getting there But please have me a cold beer ready. Thanks, Garce Well, he probably has like the Michael app sort of it's like the Starbucks app You can like order it to an old remote order and everyone just keeps pressing clothes when it says receipts last tip of it He's like he's like gosh. I'm five stars away from getting a complimentary drink. I mean they're all complimentary But this is my guard. It's Patricia House bingo complimentary, but this is my God. It's Patricia House bingo. So Craig arrives and he is like, yeah, like what's his room?
Starting point is 00:55:12 He's saying Sam or something. Sean. He's like, yeah, Sean's thinking about getting a dog about and then which leads to memories of Gizmo and I was like, oh my God, I miss Colonel Gizmo. Why have we not seen any Gizmo this season, although it looks like next week, we'll be following up to see him, because I rewound him.
Starting point is 00:55:28 It's Naomi got him. I know, but we still should see him lingering around with Naomi Wilson, you know? Yeah, he's like, Sean wants a dog, but we travel too much for that. Mike, please stop being the cutest couple on this show. And where are you traveling to? He keeps saying that they travel.
Starting point is 00:55:41 Where are they travel? Pillow conventions? It's like a Joanne Fabrics con. Yes, Joanne Fabrics. The Joanne Fabrics Conviction at the high eight motel. It's a hill. And so Austin starts talking about how he's dating Victoria. He's moved on from Chelsea and the camera just like closes up on ship.
Starting point is 00:56:02 It's like, yeah, it's like the saddle. The saddle. Yes. So this ding is cracking me up. Because now this ding has been through the whole episode. And then is this a part where, oh no, so this is coming up. So they sit down and Whitney's like, tonight is a vegan dinner. Mother likes vegetables, mother.
Starting point is 00:56:24 There's like no one there. Okay, so then it's like, ding. So Whitney goes, this is beneficial to your health. And her goes, I had a protein shake, so it's all good. And then chefs, what's 10 pay? I thought I was a city in Arizona. Oh, Garsh, get it. We're doing a show in Arizona by the way, so watch a grab a cycle. Anyway, oh, gosh, get it. We're doing a show in Arizona by the way.
Starting point is 00:56:45 So watch a grab a cycle. Anyway, so a tempi gosh, temp what's tempi? I thought it's that girl who subbed in when my secretary was out of town. Get it. I don't even have a secretary.
Starting point is 00:56:58 Um, temp, that's a, that's what I call Ashley. Wall Street Journal. I just read an article in the Wall Street Journal saying that Ashley is ruining marriages in America, not Ashley, I'm sorry. We're mean I've ruined their possibilities for getting married because they act like wives without any of the commitments from man. And then the tregos and they're doing better. The glass ceilings getting thinner. I'm like, I don't know how one has to do the other, but. So women fly now.
Starting point is 00:57:28 You know what happens to birds flying around glass ceilings? I told Nomi, like, why do we have to have a glass ceiling? Like, why can't we just have like a skylight? Like glass ceilings can sort of excessive. And one of its notes all gonna fall and choose like, Craig gets a metaphor and I was like, well, I like, you know, why do you still mean to me? I wish I was with someone who liked me.
Starting point is 00:57:46 I'm going to feature us just talking about that marriage article. It goes, because it keeps digging. I don't know what that was even about. Well, yes, hilarious. Well, they start talking about, you know, it's patricious saying how like women have biological clocks and at 32, a lot of them start to get worried,
Starting point is 00:58:02 because they want to have a family and Thomas is like, why can't we just marry as many women as weak and afford? Yeah, you don't even pay for the ones you've got, Maryly, sir. Listen, these are not Cadbury Cream Eggs that you scoop up by the handful at a CVS, all right? Women are women. Well, Thomas does like things and copious amounts. So Patricia, what does that say about my life and I just made that reference
Starting point is 00:58:26 to scooping every green mix by the handful. We're here to judge these people, not ourselves. We have the rest of the day for that. So she's like in the south in my air, if you were saying all that in 25 years, oh, you were a spin star. And Thomas goes, yeah, they sent you to spinster farm. And Craig is like, I sounds pretty awesome. I'd love to get in shape like that. Like no, Craig, not a spin class spinster. It's like that's what a Rapunzel used. Spin all that hair into gold or that head, gold or whatever.
Starting point is 00:59:02 And when he's like a spinster house, it sounds like Thomas's house. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was It cracks me up because every time it sounds a little bit more like you might be Batman like flicking his cape and going out the window. And sometimes it sounds like like a lizard. I like it. It's kind of like a mini Lisa Rina thing because Lisa Rina is like, I told the joke. And Whitney is like, I told the joke. Yeah, he does do that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:39 Like the pant laugh. And his mouth opens and closes and his tongue licks his tongue licks his lips really quickly it's really creepy I don't know how to get it all into one sound but I'll work on it well here's the good news Ashley is not on birth control so there will be more babies around and then Thomas goes well I told Catherine I think you should spend at least four seasons with a woman and by that I mean you go to the four seasons once you bang and then guess what? Child and they're like did you mean to say Ashley instead of Catherine? He's like oh oh I got a bridge.
Starting point is 01:00:19 He's been four seasons with a woman and decide if she needs a medal side and they're not. You spend four seasons with a woman before you give a Amazon prom account. Now that's what I would really miss in a relationship. Because Amazon just keeps raising their prices. I know, they're raising at $20. Bastards. So fortune cookies are... The fortune cookies are passed around and JD's like whoa I have no fortune Wait there it is wow
Starting point is 01:00:49 Gentry bourbon is the best bourbon in the world. Why thank you Patricia. It's like it doesn't say that JD It says you're living in the guest house until you learn to be a decent man Why says you're at a roller slope. I guess this is for craze man. What? Says the Adderoll is low. I guess this is for crying. What? So Austin says,
Starting point is 01:01:09 your life is celebration of your accomplish means. And JD goes, what did you accomplish? What? I was like, well, he doesn't have a for least, be good due to non-payment, to sign on his forehead.
Starting point is 01:01:21 So I guess he's beating you. That's true. That's true. So yeah, then there were a guess he's beating you. It's true. That's true So yeah, then there's a bunch of other fortunes. It was nice. Maybe you want to have a fortune cookie Which is good because I think I'm getting Chinese food tonight. Yeah That's a true story. I'm really getting Chinese food tonight. I'm already excited. It's like six hours away. So it's the next day and Catherine calls up Thomas and is like, arm, do you want to have dinner?
Starting point is 01:01:46 He's like, well, I say it's got to be four seasons in three pants. And do you just want to have dinner? Okay, yes. Can I wear my white jeans, yes, and they show him with the kids at home. And Kinsie's like, he's like, look at this picture. And she's like, mommy. And he's like, what color head is she have? Red. I'm saying, God, you're such an asshole. Is this? He's like, look at this picture. And she's like, Mommy! And he's like, what color head does she have? Red!
Starting point is 01:02:06 I'm saying, God, you're such an asshole. Who's this? Ashley? Because, like, Ashley is me, you know, you fight with Ashley one night. And then the next day, you're like, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna, you know, make the kids say Katherine a lot and then go have a scene with her just to put Ashley into a conibction fit.
Starting point is 01:02:22 Yeah. So then we go back to Cam and she's like puttering around her house. I was like, wait, didn't want to, wasn't she being induced and she's like, well, so here's what happened. I went to the hospital, they tried to induce me and actually the baby went the other direction now
Starting point is 01:02:36 to my chest. So they just said, go home, it'll come out when he wants to come out. So back here, I'm like, there's a little baby hand coming out of her mouth. She's like, mom, I'm cramping, mom, I'm cramping. There's a baby coming out. So back here, I'm like, there's a little baby hand coming out of her mouth. She's like, mom, I'm cramping, mom, I'm cramping. There's a baby coming out. There's a, oh, it's gone. It's back in. Her mom's like, does your husband now? Also, look, use what you've got around you. We see Craig leaf blown a roof. Just ask Craig up with his leaf flower. Yeah. So now it's dinner time. It's our final Cino the episode.
Starting point is 01:03:06 And it's Catherine's at dinner. A reservation for two under Dennis Blegees. And she sits there and Thomas comes by and everything starts off sort of nice and lovely and flirtatious. Thomas is using that, especially that he is a personifying Southern Charm itself. He's like, well, we may want to split the fish special, if you know what I'm saying. Once I split you, I can't quit you. It looks pretty to get that at wins. My more saved less. I mean, how's it going?
Starting point is 01:03:42 Never bored. Never boring. Can you imagine a story that said, buy more, save less. We're very transparent. That's where I took Ashley. I don't want you to look cheap. So Catherine is wearing this little lightning pin and Thomas is like, that's an Elvis pin. We call it TCB, taken care of business. And she's just like, uh, yeah, I call that the yogurt place. I use to work out. She's like, why? He's like, no, that's this
Starting point is 01:04:11 country's best yogurt. It's really hard swirling yogurt. It's hard because what happens if you don't get that perfect yogurt pyramid in the cup. because what happens if you don't get that perfect yogurt pyramid in the cop? So they're being really nice to each other. Just like, no, I know, because you know, I started to do, I started to think about how I never get the yogurt pyramid to look right. I don't know how those yogurt places are become so popular again, where you serve yourself. Who lets children do that?
Starting point is 01:04:45 Even adults. I never get it in the path. It's all over the damn place. Oh yeah. No, I, I, I am in shock of like people like it's kids who work at Derrick Queen and Carvelle who can put their cones under a soft serve machine and they're like, Lulu Lulu and you have like a five-foot tall perfect spiral. Whereas I do it and it comes out this big floppy architectural disaster. My God, you can tell we can never have real jobs because listen to us. I want to go do it.
Starting point is 01:05:11 You know when they make a soft serve and then they dip it in the hard chocolate and then they turn it upside down, I'm like, don't tempt fate. This is terrifying. How do I do that without it falling out of the cold? I don't understand. It's called crackle.
Starting point is 01:05:24 That's why the world's addicted to it. It's called T.C.B. as in taking care of business at the ask for him to go to her shop. So Katherine was hurt because Thomas posted a photo on Instagram of him with the kids, but also with Ashley and it looked like a family photo. So she's saying like it really hurt seeing that and it looked like a family photo. So she's saying like, it really hurt seeing that because it looked like a family photo, it looked like she wasn't there.
Starting point is 01:05:48 It was just hurtful for many different ways. And Thomas starts doing that thing where he's not really empathizing but he says things to make it sound like. He goes, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It makes Mayor hands, where he's like putting his hands together
Starting point is 01:06:03 in the tent to make a point. Yeah, yeah. yeah, I get it sincerely. I'm sorry. I'll be a lot more respectful Remind me that when I'm banging Ashley tonight just remind me to be more respectful. Okay Send Ashley back to California. Please do not require signature now. I'll be much more respectful to you today until I'm on Ashley's good side again In which case I will use her and the children against you. Let's enjoy this face shall we yeah and his face is basically saying did I say the right thing? The fish specials here. I saw I just want to put this to sleep real quick. I said the right thing yet So then they started talking about Saints birthday and she's gonna have a party and he's like,
Starting point is 01:06:46 well, if I'm invited, she's like, of course you're invited, you're their dad. And he's like, well, what about Ashley? And then she rolls her eyes and goes, ding! And he goes, so not Ashley. And she rolls her eyes and he goes, ding!
Starting point is 01:07:00 And he goes, well, if you don't want me to invite her and then it goes Well, she looks to the side and I'm just loving Trixie's effort. Yeah, you're not leaving the episode She is adding all the percussion so then Thomas gets all dramatic. He's like Ken's it ponds out of painting and says That's my mom Launch with her Launch you with her I'm like she pointed was like picture, you know Mom, why don't you with her? Why don't you with her?
Starting point is 01:07:25 I'm like, she pointed and was like, picture, you know? Yeah. Like that character, man, on the boardwalk, did a lovely job, didn't he? I was looking at a peeps, and I ate a piece out of it, had a weird shape, and I thought, that looks like a digital, and I thought, why can't we have to a digital back? Why not?
Starting point is 01:07:44 And then she starts flicking his little cow lick on his head, and she's like, let me happened to your drip pack. Then she starts flicking his little curl, his little cowlick on his head. And she's like, let me try to fix it again. And the music is like, you know, the end of the notebook or something, like you just need to stop with this, beep, this is making me sick now. I don't like booing my television at the very end of a good episode. Well, she goes, I just wish we could and go get back together.
Starting point is 01:08:04 She's like, no, no, I just, I just want to be friends. Yeah. And that's pretty much the end of that. Yeah, that's the end of that. Why don't we pivot over to real, I mean, not real world, Southern charm, New Orleans real quickly. The big thing this episode is that they all went to a haunted plantation. Aren't they all?
Starting point is 01:08:28 I sort of assume every plantation is haunted because there were so many like travesties that happened at all of them. No kidding. If you don't think they're all not haunted, you're just not listening hard to that. Well, this one's the most haunted of all of them. As evidenced by the fact that a glass fell off the end table in Reagan and Jeff's room. That was the best part of the episode. He was wrecking us. Look, goes, okay, but now I'm with my wine. The ghost is my instant. I fell in love with Reagan. I was like, okay,
Starting point is 01:09:02 Reagan's okay. Yeah, the ghost is like, how can I get this bitch out of my room? I'm not over her wine It goes out of good tactic They also It was yeah, they were they were driving to this plantation in like a party bus and it got like a like they did like the tire blew out So they were all super paranoid and I felt bad because They had to take some tiny little shitty van to get there the rest of the way they were all up on each other It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear.
Starting point is 01:09:26 It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear.
Starting point is 01:09:34 It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear.
Starting point is 01:09:42 It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so clear. It was so, I guess his eyes were just like bulging. So he brought along for his date, for his plantation date, one of them nude models from his famous guys, and I, which is a, the bold move, considering that the other guy's gone so much trouble for all that painting. Yeah, he really just wants to fight with women, this guy. Yeah, it's just like, I'm gonna do whatever I can
Starting point is 01:10:03 to start a fight with a woman. Okay. Well, at least it wasn't that like little magic at the spell to Kila girl, you know, who's like, oh, oh, I think you'll have some more soon. She brings. And that was another part they showed Reagan in therapy and then they showed Jeff in therapy. Well, she wasn't in therapy. She was at the psychic lady and the psychic lady's like, oh, she a man in your love, huh, man? And she's like, that's my husband. Well, I also remember that she was like, um, can I ask a question about someone who's like, here? And she's like, well, I don't want to invade someone's privacy. And she's like, um, it's my husband. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:45 And then they go to Jeff in therapy and this is his therapy and the guy go get it out get it out get it out there was also a really nice scene to make his cousin uh what was his name again Jay I'm I'm blanking on his name but he is the one who I guess came out. I didn't realize he was actually coming out on the boat I thought he was already out and like I thought he was like obviously well He was out, but his family didn't know so I guess he came out on TV So honey your eyebrows came out years ago So basically he after that conversation on the boat, he called his mom and told her
Starting point is 01:11:27 that he was gay. And so he was going to go see his mom and his family for the first time since doing that. It was actually really nice seeing where he talked to his mom. And he basically was like, but he was like, all right, this is who I am. It's who I am. Take off my sunglasses. So this is who I am. They're like, okay, can we get back to our crawfish, please?
Starting point is 01:11:46 Is this a we're gonna get a gay speech every week? Yeah, we're hungry. There's like chaffers full of mac and cheese. Oh my god that crawfish looked delicious Yeah, what else happened on there? I think that's pretty much it, right? That was pretty much it There was well they showed Reagan in her new apartment, which glad you're taking that advice from Rachel. Rachel's like, if you move out, you're going to get a divorce. I'll tell you that. And she's like, OK, I'll move. So they showed her in the apartment with their sister and they're saging the apartment.
Starting point is 01:12:16 And she's like, oh my God, we need to open a window. So get some pasta smoke, you don't. At the whole point of it. Oh no, my sages on fire There's nothing never goes right for Reagan. She just say just wrong and then there's also well What's his face I always forget his name the lawyer? He got like Justin he got heartburn and the plantation he was because he does he's afraid of ghosts And so he's like it's like don't take a picture of me in this plantation
Starting point is 01:12:42 I don't want like ghost spirit stuck in it. And he got really bad heartburn. I was on his stomach and I was like, oh, that has been me so many times. And then the thing that is like cracking me up with this show is this low level feud with Gian. Like every week there's something else. And this week it was that John Moody is doing something
Starting point is 01:13:01 with Gian, like some sort of initiative for who knows what. And to me, it's like, Gian, it's always Gian. Like this lady has been on screen for like one second. You're always mad at her all the time. I just love how much power Gian has over everyone. And Tom, or to me, it was like always upset with everyone. I spoke my true. So yeah, it was sort of a more of a low key episode, not as much happened, but it just made me really, really hungry with all that crawfish. Before we wrap up this week, can we just mosey over real quickly to the crap in the mailbag? Well, down through it, me with a good time. Duh, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
Starting point is 01:13:50 dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
Starting point is 01:13:58 dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, on the air. You go to patreon.com slash watch or crap ins and support us at the mail bag level or above and you can do it. So Michael, you know, I love me some Michael Horn. He says, hello friends. Anything you go to his parentheses, I really do consider y'all to be my friends after all these years. Aw. We are, suck off.
Starting point is 01:14:18 We are friends. He goes, recently on the podcast, y'all talked about how they discussed real hassles of New York on the view view which got me to thinking If you were to pick five housewives to be panelists on the view who would you pick and what would the dynamic be like as they discussed hot topics That's a great question Oh my gosh, you answer first Um, I think Ramona has to go on the view. Because she would be like the joy bay harb at like she would be just constantly like confused about something. She would be like, why are we talking about this? I don't understand. Who cares? Russia,
Starting point is 01:14:54 Dacia, we're in America while we talk about Russia. I don't get it. Okay, what's this hot topic? You know what's a hot topic? Avery. She's a hot topic and a hot item in New York. So look out Manhattan, okay Hot top that's we go to buy clothes if you single I'm ready to mingle Let's see I feel like I feel like the panel should be from women from different well Leon Lockin oh My god, that would be terrifying Yeah, she can see be singing mega and the mega McCain seat. You know it's one thing to throw a wine like a champagne glass as somebody said it's completely
Starting point is 01:15:33 different to throw a coffee mug as somebody said. Leanne is just not made for morning. But she'd be so perfect. Like Avery is a hot topic. All right you know what I'll tell you that a hot topic gets my fist in your face, Ramona Singer. And then it'd be very dramatic. Like, I have to apologize to the audience. My outburst last yesterday. Suffering from PTSD on account of the fleshening bacteria is like my boobs looking like two little
Starting point is 01:16:03 crab claws. And Doreet, she could just misunderstand all the questions. She could just start fights with people. I wanna tell you what, if Putin wore some underwear, we'd be having some less problems than this contract. Yes, Doreet is totally next to where what we is. And then I think Candy Burris is in between Leanne and Ramona. And she's like, because Candy Burrus was like,
Starting point is 01:16:27 see, now Ramona, see, like I want to like you, but like, you make it so hard. You make it so hard for me right now because there are people in this world who are like, don't know every day, I don't know, Rally, and it's like, Rally, yeah, hot topic too. Oh, and then you have to have like the older generation. And it's like, when Rally, yeah, topic two. And then you have to have like the older generation, not that I'm calling anybody an old lady, but I'd like to think Vicki would be either just like Vicki is basically what.
Starting point is 01:16:53 So what? Who cares? So what? She could be Joy Bayhark. Like, so what? Who cares? So what? Well, then who's the, who's the, then who's the, the anchor? If it's not Vicki, and Vicki's the OG, shouldn't she be the one who's like, hey,, look, look, look, look, back, right? Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader.
Starting point is 01:17:11 Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader.
Starting point is 01:17:19 Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader. Or the leader So, where no one was hurt more than me!
Starting point is 01:17:25 At the hurricane, after all kid and I did for that hurricane. Yeah, I feel like, yeah, she could definitely be, but then if she's on there, I don't want to read on there. You know, I think I wanted to be a mixture of everywhere. Well, you know what, instead of to read, have Lisa as the anchor, instead of to read, have Shannon Bedore. Like, huh, well, she would do that thing where she would be fake laughs. Like, huh? Well, I went to the rest round the other day. Ain't they had French fries?
Starting point is 01:17:51 I think French fries? That's crazy. Hold on one second. Oh, I left my phone on back. David, David, check for me. David. Or when there are listening to notes from the producer and their little ear pieces, she could be just her hand or ear and be like, David, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava,va, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava It's not my fucking segment, bitch
Starting point is 01:18:32 What else is in that mailbag a banjo? Okay, let's do one more question April buds a low witch I think that's how you say your name Buzz a little bit Don't shake me on I don't know how to say anything. She goes hi guys guys, instead of Craig hiring his Uber driver as his life coach What would it be like if he hired Ramon as a life coach and Teddy as his accountability coach? Well, I'll tell you what I can just tell you already that would be called a life saved a life saved Whoa Craig I have to say what's up with this house? I see holes in the wall and reminds me of my house with this house. I see holes in the wall and reminds me of my house that I had in the Hamptons when I was like, whoa, I want to redo this house. It needs to be renewed. So I hired
Starting point is 01:19:10 Mario who's not related to Mario and I was like, whoa, can you put something on this wall? Okay. Teddy would never even show up at the house. She'd just be a text accountability kit. Because that's kind of how she rolls. She'd be like, um, ding. Hi, it's Teddy. Are you all right? Everything going okay? You okay? Well, you know, like I talked to an Uber driver who was giving me some opinions and I was like, trying to figure out this new needle. She'd be okay. Times up. See you later. I'm Teddy. Hey, Craig. So I'm glad we're here to talk about your life. Can you help me fix the wires by my TV? That's great.
Starting point is 01:19:48 Can you take this chair upstairs for me? Thank you so much. Oh, and here's another thing. Can you unpack this suitcase? Great. Thanks. That's all the time that we have for today Craig. We've got the bottom some issues.
Starting point is 01:19:57 Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I've gone. You have this cap, but if you ever put water on it, it's gonna become a monster.
Starting point is 01:20:08 It's gonna kill everything. My advice to you, get rid of the cap. Also, you look really old, unlike me, who looks just like Avery, okay? Are you friends with Avery too? You can join our clique, okay? Okay, here's my three pieces of advice. Don't feed your cat after midnight.
Starting point is 01:20:23 Don't get your cat wet. Don't put your cat in the lurch, because if the moment you do, the cat's gonna turn into Bethany. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but Jody and Parsameth once said, you can't have little cats, because that's what you do to them.
Starting point is 01:20:35 And to this day, I've never had a cat. Chimes up, here's my bill. Thanks so much, boy. Oh, wrap up that mailbag, will you be him? Rip it, rip it up. so much boy uh... uh... wrap up that mailbag will you be uh... oh yeah i can't hear the music don't know you can't
Starting point is 01:20:53 uh... do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do No, that's why I was doing it. Oh well, then I'll have to put it back in post because for some reason You should if you should have been able to hear it Mac my era if you didn't have sandclad work in you were called a spinster Yeah, well, that's funny. That you said wrap it up because I was already playing the music on my end really fascinating Peak into how this podcast works for everyone. So you guys Go buy those tickets to whatever whatever city whatever country you're in um buy those t-shirts because they're cute and um what else is there to say tell your friends all about the podcast subscribe them listen all that fun stuff all some social media and most importantly have a wonderful weekend i love you Ronnie i love you being i love you, Ronnie. I love you, Vian, I love you guys. Everybody call this. Oh yeah, and check out our TV Party app show.
Starting point is 01:21:46 So much that crap ends. All right, bye everyone. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to Watch Your Crappens, Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts
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