Watch What Crappens - The TV Clique: Big Brother - Week 1 in Review
Episode Date: July 26, 2013Ben Mandelker (bsideblog), Ronnie Karam (trashtalkTV) and Matt Whitfield (Yahoo) of Watch What Crappens branch out to talk poo about Big Brother 15. Live on our Facebook page http://www.faceb...ook.com/watchwhatcrappens every Thursday night at 10:30 PM Pacific time! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hi, everybody.
I'm Ronnie from Crosstalk TV, and I'm here with Ben.
Ben, wave.
Maybe people don't know what you look like.
I'm Ben. I'm Ben. Yeah, that's Ben from B people don't know what you look like. I'm Ben.
I'm Ben.
Yeah, that's Ben from B-Side Blog.
And then that's Matt from Yahoo.
Hi, Matt.
Hi.
Hi.
You look so cute.
I'm used to just hearing your voices, not seeing your little faces.
Oh, you look adorable, too, Ronnie.
And it looks like you're in some sort of, like, Midsummer Night's Dream going on.
There's a dude back there. Like, I'm imagining you're just some festive of like Midsummer Night's dream going on. There's a dude back there.
Like I'm imagining you're in some festive.
You're being generous.
He looks like he's in some like futuristic, sci-fi
Thunderdome.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll take that.
It seems like some alien spaceship is just about to
land on your head.
You've got like a golden glow all about you.
You're in the tree, in the woods with aliens coming on top of you.
You guys, hold on. I'm not...
Oh my god.
I'm having some trouble here
because I had the Trash Talk TV
window open that this is embedded on, and
I started hearing my own voice, and it's
confirmed. My voice is fucking annoying.
No, no, no, it's not.
You're like the Gretchen Rossi of podcasts.
Nah!
That's what I did.
Stupid Gretchen.
That shit's over.
We are compared to Ronnie.
Girl, I got lamps up in here.
I'm going to bring this lamp over.
I'm going to bring this lamp over.
Are we live right now?
We are live.
You guys, this is a trial podcast because we didn't know if this was going to work or not.
I actually still don't know if this works.
It's a trial, so we're just playing around.
So don't get all...
Because normally we're so formal on our podcast
if you've ever listened to Watch What Crappens.
We're normally very professional.
Very.
All right, well, let's start talking about Big Brother then.
Big Brother premiere is happening.
It happened tonight.
We have Big Brother after dark playing on mute right over here.
You do?
There's the lifeguard guy who's currently walking around
in what appears to be a hot pink sort of like a maxi dress.
What is that?
What do you call that sort of?
Oh, I thought that was the Long Island girl for a second.
Clearly he's wearing the Staten Island girl's dress.
His nipples are hanging out.
His nipples are hanging out.
Season is off to a great start.
Great start.
Very happy.
You guys, the season is off to a great start,
and I would like to ask anybody listening in Staten Island,
if there is anybody in Staten Island right now listening to this,
please open a decent weave shop.
I mean, that poor girl looks like she raped and robbed Chucky
and strung all his hair together and shoved it on her head.
That is not cute.
Get a decent weave.
We're talking about Gina Marie, right?
That would be Gina Marie.
Yes.
All one word.
It's not don't put a space.
Before we get into the cast,
let's quickly talk about a few of the new elements this season.
Let's talk, first of all, the cast is bigger than ever.
It's 16 people, which I actually prefer.
I love it.
Because now the larger the cast, the more chance for
fighting and clicks.
And sex.
Sex.
Well, obviously sex.
But especially the more people you have, the more room you
have to create alliances and things.
And if there are too few people, this is not enough.
I agree completely.
Ronnie, what's your take?
Well, I like that they picked a lot of popular people from high school this year.
There's always one or two of them, but there's, like, eight of them this year.
And they're all, like, skinny and young,
and that's when you think you're really hot.
But that does not mean you're hot, okay, Navajo fry bread guy.
What about the girl Jessie who keeps saying how hot she is?
She's clearly in fourth place, by the way.
Right, and she's also clearly like the Erica from Long Island Princesses
who thinks she's still fucking hot.
And it was like, maybe you were ten years ago, but not now.
I was so hot in high school.
Everybody said I was so hot.
I was so hot in high school.
Everybody said I was so hot.
Well, I have to say that there is sort of like this large population of generically pretty women in the house.
Like, you can't really tell them apart.
I think there's a, someone is from Minnesota.
I think Jesse is from Texas.
There's an Aaron, whatever.
They're all kind of like.
Minnesota, Texas, and like Florida.
But they all think they're the hottest ones in the house. And that's key.
You need to have that.
Because if they all think they're hot, that means they're all gonna fight with each other.
True.
I think there's two legit hot girls.
There's the bartender with the dark hair.
She's gorge.
Her name is Caitlin, I think.
And I think that she's super hot.
And I wrote down here, by the way, my note on Caitlin, classic boring girl.
Totally.
She has no personality.
She's just all hot.
No, that girl's personality comes out when she's on her knees, for sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, she is hot, and then the blonde girl from Texas is hot.
Oh, I don't like her.
I think she's more cute than hot.
I think she's very pretty.
She's like Miss USA pretty.
She's a beauty pageant pretty girl.
This is going to be the best part of our podcast
here. Trashing the women.
When three gay guys
point out which girl's the hottest.
Okay, before we go further in depth
on the cast, I just want to ask one other thing.
So now we have 16 people, which means
for more drama. More candles.
But the big twist so far, which I'm sure
this is one of many, because expect the unexpected,
is we are now going to have
three people nominated for eviction each week,
and two are going up by the HOH.
The third is going to be selected by the MVP,
but the viewers at home are selecting the MVP.
It's already very fucking confusing.
And the MVP is the one that America
allegedly thinks is playing the best game.
So it's to encourage floaters to not float.
It's like you want to play as well as possible
so that way you get the power to secretly nominate a third.
What about stupid blonde girl trying to be Rachel already?
Floaters, you better get out of the pool.
What'd she say?
She's like, you better get out of the hot tub, floaters.
I'm like, I'm so ready for the floaters, grab your life vest thing, to retire.
And the fact that it's back.
But Julie Chen said it.
I know.
Well, I think that was her way of trying to get Elisa, who is Rachel Riley's actual sister, a little riled up.
Rattled.
Well, we should rile it up.
Riled up.
Well, Riley.
Well, we should talk about that girl, actually, because, dare I say, I like her.
I mean, I remember when Rachel was first on.
She was a hideous bitch.
She was a hideous bitch from the beginning.
Remember she came on, she was like,
I'm a chemist.
Ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha.
This girl's not doing that.
She's just like, she's a sister.
But I love how the very first thing we learn about her,
aside from being sister of Rachel,
is that she announces that she is certified to teach yoga all around the world.
So in case there's an international yoga emergency, don't worry.
This girl will be able to save our day.
In case everyone in Asia forgets how to do yoga or throws out their back at the same time, there's a Riley who can fly right over there.
She can.
Now, here's what cracks me about this girl is that she announced towards the end of the
episode that she wanted to start an all-girls alliance, which is hilarious because we have
never seen, I think, in any reality show in the history of reality TV, an all-women's
alliance ever make it far.
You know where else I have never seen that?
In life.
In real life.
Yeah.
Never seen that.
And she said, and Alisa, is it Alyssa or Alyssa?
I think it's Alyssa.
Alyssa.
She said this would be the first ever Big Brother All
Female Alliance.
But then someone on Twitter, in fact, why don't I pull up
the person's name?
They reminded me of the famous coven from season 10.
That was Connor Segura.
That's Keisha, April, and Libra Alliance from season 10
called The Coven.
The name alone...
They didn't
call themselves The Coven, did they?
No, they did. And they were one of the
most dysfunctional alliances in history.
I mean, they all
hated each other. They hated each other.
Yeah, they were a mess.
Like, this girl says,
oh, well, let's have an all-girl alliance.
And then, you know, these people have been in the house already for a week, so they have
already done some editing to this premiere.
And then it cuts to other girls going like, ugh, I hate that bitch.
I hate that bitch.
It's like it's already falling apart.
It's like that girl, Jessie, who claimed that she was like, well, I'm the hot spot in the
house.
She's like, you know, girls just always come after me.
They just don't like me.
I'm like, maybe that's because all the girls are in
the kitchen, and I said yourself, and you're with the
guys right now.
But of course, to her, I believe her quote was, they
hate me because I have the best personality, and I'm more
attractive than they are.
And so as soon as she says that, and she's talking to the
Cherokee dude or the Navajo dude, which is so
inappropriate.
We're going to get to that.
We're going to get to that.
About how she was trying to convince them to be in an alliance, but her sales pitch
is, everybody hates me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's really good.
She's really good about keeping an alliance secret, as evidenced by the fact that when
McCrae walked into the middle of it, she just sat there like, hee-hee, hee-hee, hee-hee.
I don't know, that guy turned out to be really good and win the HOH too, stupid bitch.
Yeah, I was thinking, you know what?
They don't hate you because you're so smart.
They hate you because you're a bitch.
There's always one girl every year
who thinks she's really hot
and who's like lap dancing all the dudes
in the first episode
and then bragging that all the other girls hate her.
That is the girl who fucks your boyfriend.
That's the girl who takes your boyfriend before prom
and leaves you standing there alone in a prom dress.
And that girl never ends up going super far on Big Brother either.
Unless you're Janelle.
Unless you're Janelle.
But if you're not Janelle, meaning if you have dark hair and you're a bitch, you're out.
Yeah.
But if you're blonde...
Well, Janelle was almost a parody of an idiot.
She was funny.
She was quick-witted.
She's not like most of the dumbasses on this show.
She was almost, like, making fun of that stereotype, right?
I think that she was having fun with it.
And I think it took her a few weeks.
But then she was like, I'm on reality TV.
I think that she had, like, a come to Jesus on her own.
And it was just kind of like, fuck these people.
Well, she's also
smarter than all the other women in that house.
We're allowed to curse, right?
I didn't know if we were allowed to curse. I've never done this before.
We're not like Big Brother after dark now
on the TV Guide Network with no cursing.
I know. People are already pissed
off saying that it's like every other line is
bleeped. Yeah, you can't hear anything.
We should do that because I'd love to understand
what the hell is it. There's crazy weird stuff happening on the TV, but we don't know.
Okay, I want to go through the cast in a second, but I have other questions.
Wait, did you just say, but first?
But first.
But first.
Are you giving me the hand right now?
I want to talk about just the actual show, which is, first of all, still not in HD.
Why are we not in HD yet?
Come on, CBS.
CBS, come on.
We'll notice how homely these
losers are that they picked to be on this show.
This isn't like The Bachelor.
I mean, Jesus. Some of those...
The bitch.
Sometimes you just need to be grateful that
HD isn't as widespread as it should be.
That's true. Now, let's also talk
about the new set.
The new exterior set. Glamour. I talk about Big Brother. The glamorous new set? The new set. The new exterior set.
Glamour.
I love it.
It's like, I feel like Big Brother's on American Idol.
I feel like it's the weakest link, and so fitting.
Oh, wow.
Like, the exact same.
The biggest thing is that the audience is now no longer around Shenbot.
It's now facing Shenbot.
It's like when Oprah made that decision to finally be like,
I am no longer coming in the audience.
I will be up here. It's too dangerous.
This is Chen Ba's moment.
She's going to be singing the theme song to Big Brother.
Ben, we were at a really
juicy live eviction,
either last season or the season before.
We were there together, and it was juicy.
And it was like a big shocker.
Was it when Jeff? Were we there when Jeff got evicted?
It was something like that. It was like a huge one that we were it when Jeff, were we there when Jeff got evicted? It was something like that.
It was like a huge one that we were there.
That audience, I swear to you,
they almost up and ripped the Chambada part
when she announced it.
I don't blame her for not coming down.
I was scared.
I mean, that's like a bunch of homely people
coming after you in one place.
Are you not one of those people?
I mean, I know this is one of my, like,
this is probably my favorite show on TV,
I'm not going to lie,
and when the beginning of the show started to air, I know this is one of my, like, this is probably my favorite show on TV, I'm not going to lie.
And when the beginning of the show started to air, it just, it was like, it's been so long.
I know.
When she said her first butt first of the season, it was like Christmas morning.
I know.
It was weird because, you know, the show's starting earlier this season than normal.
And I have to say, like, starting up, I almost was, like, mentally not ready for Big Brother. I was like, oh wow, it's time for Big Brother already?
I just wasn't there.
And then I turned it on, and I'm like, yes.
I am so back.
And honestly, I was a little concerned about this cast
based on the bios I saw online.
But seeing all these girls, you just can tell, there's
going to be a cast of the girls and each other.
So girls are going to rip each other to shreds.
It's going to be like The Descent Part 3.
Fantastic.
And the boys don't seem very bright either.
I mean, I think it's very, the boys are, they've got a lot of weirdos as the boys, and I kind of like that.
This is a cork coaster, okay?
It sits on my table.
It is smarter than the majority of people.
This cork could beat all the guys in Big Brother.
I say we go through the cast and we just give initial gut
reactions first.
Like we'll toss out a name, and we'll all just say the
first thing that comes to our minds.
OK.
OK.
So we just listen.
Are you guys drinking?
No.
Do you want a drink?
Oh.
No, no.
I won't drink then.
No, I'm not drinking.
I love a beer. What are you drinking? You guys talk, no. I won't drink then. No, I'm not drinking. I love a beer.
What are you drinking? You guys talk amongst
yourselves. Water. I'm gonna get us a beer.
What's in there? Water.
Wait, but now we're
gonna drink. And vodka!
Yeah! Well, look,
it's gay marriage day. We're all supposed to be out partying.
We're sitting here like a bunch of nerds talking about
Big Brother. So I figured,
bring the party in here, you know?
You can't go to the party, bring the party in here.
Where's
your hot next door neighbor that I love?
He's right next door waiting for you to
come by and give him a little snuggle.
I'm going to go over to...
This video thing is dangerous because you know
I love watching myself on the camera
dancing around and stuff. Dan Buvine!
Yeah, he's next door,
but I'm going to go to Foo Bar
after this. Y'all going to come?
This stuff is not just me.
Everybody take notice that Ben can't open his own beer, so I'm doing it
for him. Oh, Ben.
See, Ben, now gay marriage is legal.
You can get somebody to do that for you.
Oh, man.
You get federal benefits for doing this.
Oh, dependency. Wowee.
Hey, is anybody on our Watch What Crappens Facebook page? Oh, my God. Oh, man. You get federal benefits for doing this. Oh, dependency. Wowee. Let's sit on camera.
Hey, is anybody on our Watch What Crappens Facebook page?
Because maybe people are saying stuff.
Let's see.
Wait.
So, anyway, let's go through this cast here.
Okay.
We're going to start with...
Ben has a list of names, and we're just going to roll through it.
Yeah, I think it has most of the names.
We may have missed some people here.
Nick.
So, my note for Nick was...
Which one is he? You have to describe them, because I don't learn their names for a few weeks. Okay. So, Nick missed some people here. Nick. So my note for Nick was I just hate him. Which one is he? You have to describe them
because I don't learn their names for a few weeks.
So Nick is from New York.
He rollerblades.
Oh, gross.
He's Spider-Man.
He does parkour. And anybody that does parkour,
I hate because it's not 2010.
Yeah. Honestly, my note
was I just hate him. I just
hate him. I also, Ronnie, I was convinced that he was a homosexual
until he started saying, like, if there's a blonde girl,
I'm going to be all about her.
Yeah, that's actually what convinced me that he was a homosexual.
Because he's like, well, the funny thing is,
he has all this, like, false confidence.
Like, he's trying to act like this ladies' man.
You could tell he was a dork in high school.
What? That guy is a dork.
The only place that guy is popular is in a bathhouse.
That guy is not.
He's a midget.
He is not going to walk into some straight bar and girls fall all over him.
That girl is short.
He waxed his chest, and he got a few biceps and a few for his six-pack,
and he's boring.
And he rollerblades.
And you know he's going to be walking
funny because the ass hairs are going to be
growing back and hurting his butt.
Waxer. Get out of here.
Do you remember that sketch comedy
show called Human Giant with
and Aziz Ansari.
And so there was a skit on there where Aziz Ansari
was like rollerblading and it was like
so when did you find out you were gay?
And he's like well I never thought I was gay. I always really liked women. And then one day I was rollerblading and it was like so when did you find out you were gay? He's like well. I never thought I was gay. I was really like women and then one day. I was rollerblading
I looked at like oh, I guess I'm gay. I'm rollerblading
And listen, we're all gay guys here. Okay, Joe mom was put down today. Yeah
He's gay straight-up gay
Yeah, we update it straight. He's not the thing about the thing that's really bad about that is it's not only rollerblading.
He's like a competitive rollerblader.
That's his life, rollerblading.
On his CBS bio, he said one of the things he's most proud of
is that he came in seventh place in the regional, the Ohio rollerblading thing.
It's bad enough that you're ranking a random rollerblading event.
Or that you're from Ohio.
But you're boasting that you're in seventh place.
You don't boast beyond third place.
Right.
If there's no medal involved, fuck off.
If you could boast about seventh place, then the Olympics would be useless.
Okay?
You want to get on that podium.
Stop.
Fine.
I can boast about getting seventh place or something.
I can find a stupid-ass event
that has only seven entries,
and I come in,
and I'll get seventh place,
and that's going to be
a proud accomplishment for me.
Yeah, even the people in the Olympics
who win a bronze,
I mean, that's really hard,
and they look really upset.
They hold up their medal like...
Yeah.
They're like...
Have some self-respect
and learn to hate yourself properly.
Can you do that face again?
What was that face?
You can take a screen wrap.
You dumbass.
It's being taped.
You can see it on the tape.
You guys, I'm so shiny.
And also, all this yellow is not trying to be offensive and racist.
I'm really yellow because of my lighting.
If you're actually in my house, it's lit very nicely.
That is a great segue for us to talk about the Asian mother of two. Yeah. If you're actually in my house, it's lit very nicely. But my parents don't look like it.
That is a great segue for us to talk about the Asian mother of two.
Yeah.
Helen, who says, I've worked on many things. Oh, my God.
Big Brother is no different.
Actually, it's completely different, okay?
Because with political campaigns, you like to think that there are at least five smart people.
Okay, at least five.
Two, maybe.
One. Yeah, there's people who own a
suit, at least, in political campaigns.
People who, yeah. You, Big Brother
is not like that at all. Big Brother is absolutely not
like a political campaign.
Oh, sorry, Matt, go ahead.
No, you go. Oh, thanks.
I was just going to say that I don't believe
she, I don't know what kind of politics she's in, but
if you're like a real political
campaign person, you're like,
oh, I ran the mayoral campaign
or I ran the campaign for
governor. I mean, this bitch is like student council
or what? I think she writes a blog
about Scandal, the TV
show, and therefore she's a politician.
Yes. By the way,
you know what politicians don't do? They don't go
on Big Brother. You know what politicians
and good mothers don't do? They don't go on Big Brother. You know what politicians' mothers don't do?
They don't leave their two children under the age of five for 100 days
to be a reality TV nobody.
Her ancestors will be so ashamed of her.
I know.
Oh, my God, I know.
Even that she's speaking and she has her feet and they're not tied back.
Just kidding, kidding, Asians.
Here's the thing, though.
Here's the thing.
I can't believe I actually even took it to that place.
You started it. I know. I didn't start it. even took it to that place. You started it! I know, I did start it.
This is going to be a completely non-offensive podcast.
It is a non-offensive podcast.
But that being said, to be totally honest, I guarantee that she's going to be one of
the first people out because all these stupid blondes and brunettes that are there, I guarantee
they're going to be like, Helen's nice, but, like, I just don't get her.
Like, she hasn't really made an effort to get to know us.
But in reality, they probably just, like,
don't want to go near her because she's Asian.
I guarantee.
Look, it happens.
I'll be honest.
I'll be honest.
So playing in the Big Brother house, like,
five years for Media Day,
there's somebody that always gets,
I got put up on the block this time,
but the person who got put up on the block this time, but the person who got put up on the
block with me, the girl
who was the HOH, used
as her excuse, well, we just really didn't get
to know you. That is always...
That is always
code for, we didn't want to get
to know you because you're a little different.
Meaning, you're either an ethnicity that
is not the majority, you're a minority,
you're over 32, or you have some physical defaults.
Yeah, and it's like we don't really want to get to know you
because you make us feel awkward,
but if you make the effort to get to know us, that's cool,
but don't get to know us too well
because then we're going to feel like you're trying too hard.
Right, assimilate or bounce.
You're just so socially awkward.
We don't really, I don't know.
I feel like we didn't connect.
Do you remember being really young, like, grade school young, how
mean kids were? I mean, they were so mean, and I feel like every year they get a little bit less
mean, but man, you compare a 20-year-old to a 40-year-old, I mean, granted, I'm meaner, but
I've kind of, that's called growing into yourself for me, but those fucking kids, it's like, 20
years old, they're still dicks.
And they're like, oh my God, do you work out?
I work out too.
We have so much in common.
What did you eat today?
Nothing.
Me neither.
I hate breakfast.
Oh my God, just be best friends forever.
I want to be them.
That is one of the reasons why I really truthfully
want to be on this show,
because I want to lay out in the sun,
work out, be mean, and drink wine.
Matt. Yeah, but you'll want to be the have not one week, to lay out in the sun, work out, be mean, and drink wine. MATT MOLENSEY- Matt, you'll wind up as a
have-not-one-week Matt.
And you will be such a bitch.
MATT MOLENSEY- Matt, you do that anyway.
That's what you do anyway.
You just happen to write a couple bitchy blogs in the
interim.
Well, here's the thing.
This is a great segue to talk about David, who is one of
these vapid 20-year-olds who says, I wrote down walking
sun damage because you could see his chest.
He's a lifeguard, and it's like lots of bad things.
Oh, oh, ooh, the lifeguard.
That guy looks like one of the, he's from that Claymation movie
where there's that little redhead elf.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
No, it's like a Christmas, it's one of those Christmas Claymation movies,
like Rudolph.
He's a little elf boy with the flippy hair.
Mm-hmm.
He said that he likes to hold his peck to feel how hard it is.
His what?
Peck?
What?
His what?
Peck.
His peck.
Whatever.
Okay, sorry.
Go ahead.
So he said he likes to hold his peck to feel how hard it is.
And he's very Ryan Lochte-ish.
Speaking of bronze medals, he is going to be the Ryan
Lochte of this cast.
He seems like a total idiot and an asshole.
CHRIS LEROUX, JR.: Except not hot.
He's not hot.
OK, look.
You work out.
You're thin.
You're young.
You have a lot of hair.
Congratulations.
Sorry about your face.
Get off your high horse, you piece of shit.
But come on, keep growing that hair until it
covers your face.
MALE SPEAKER 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 13, 14, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, whore. It's your piece of shit. Keep growing that hair until it covers your face. Do we even have lifeguards
in LA?
I think in LA it's like...
One of them.
A lot of people have found on his watch.
Just saying.
Well, I love
that he's a lifeguard and he
is stupid.
I love that he doesn't try not to be
stupid. He doesn't try and impress anybody.
His big speech is like,
hey, what's up? I'm a lifeguard.
I did enjoy
the hillbilly
they cast because clearly
they're trying to get on the whole
buck wild train, which has been derailed
thanks to that boy's death.
They hired a hillbilly
and the hillbilly, surprisingly,
is not the dumbest one in the house.
No.
He was even shocked.
He was even shocked that he wasn't.
He's like, I thought I was going to be the dumb one.
J-U-double-D.
He likes to play, what is he like, beer pong,
and I like anybody who plays beer pong.
Oh, is that what he said?
I just couldn't understand what he was saying.
I heard him say that he likes to hunt frogs, right?
He's a frog hunter, and it started with him
grilling frogs. I mean, no wonder
frogs are peeing all the time, because there's hicks like that
running around trying to grill them and hunt them.
What did a frog ever do to you?
Rip it.
Okay, so we also have
let's see, so we have David.
So we talked about Elisa.
We have Andy
the gay. He's the ginger gay.
No, wait.
How do we know he's gay? He told us he was gay.
He didn't.
Did they say he was gay?
Did they say he was gay?
I think it just said he's a railroad
conductor, which I think we all
assume.
There are two gingers.
We're talking about the gay ginger not not the bearded she were talking
about the twink there I'm
so stupid I heard that there is a gender gay
and I assume that there and I wrote a bio
in the article site talking about how he is a gay
thank you that I want to have a look at it I thought even him okay so we're talking about on our we're talking about how he was a gay train conductor and how wonderful he was. It's not even him.
Okay, so we're talking about Ron Howard with a cold gay.
We're talking about Andy, who sort of talks and has the body language of P.B. Herman,
but in ginger gay form.
I love him.
He's wearing a cat shirt.
Yeah.
Therefore, I hate him.
No, I like him.
I think so far he seems like a pretty good gay.
Like, we never get good gay.
He's the best gay I can remember.
Okay, what gays have been on...
Okay, who was the gay last year?
I forgot.
The one with the long blonde hair.
Will.
Oh, he was terrible.
The year before that was LeJuan.
He was terrible.
The long blonde hair.
Oh, my God.
He was so gross.
Okay, Luan.
I called him Luan.
He actually looked like Chanel from Princesses.
Yeah.
He did.
That's true.
Yeah, he was gross.
A prettier version.
Yeah, so we had Luan before that.
Actually, I did a post on my blog.
That was the ranking of the Big Brother gays from worst to best.
We know that Ronnie's favorite is Steven Daigle.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Well, he's at least one of the Big Brother contestants who's had a career after Big Brother.
It's sucking dick, but it's something, and it's on video.
It's a lot more than just that.
Well, how about we talk about the one
that we did like.
I think Marcellus is considered
to be the best of the gays, right?
No?
Marcellus?
Didn't he fuck everything up?
Yes.
Isn't he like the worst player in Big Brother history?
No, no, no.
He just made the stupidest move
but he's not the worst player in Big Brother history? No, no, no. He just made the stupidest move, but he's not the worst player.
Will from season five.
Yeah.
You know, it's actually funny.
So when I did this list of the gays,
I think I put Will as number two or something like that.
And he actually messaged me on Twitter and was like,
you know, I don't really like to, you know,
relive my Big Brother days that much,
but the fact that, like, you put me as number two
actually really touched me in an odd
way, and I really want to thank you for that.
We're not doing Watch What Crappens
now, but Ben still does the name drop.
It's like you can't not do it.
Listen, when you name drop someone from Big Brother,
it's not a name drop, okay?
It's not a name drop. It's relevant
information.
The day that I'm actually name dropping on Big Brother about Big Brother stars is a sad, sad day.
And I've done it before.
Okay, let's talk a few more of these people.
Let's talk about Caitlin.
So she's the Minnesota bartender.
She's boring.
I think she's beautiful, but I think it could end up hurting her.
Yeah.
It's going to hurt her because she's boring as hell, she's gonna like just be forgotten about she's gonna float along
Should be voted out she can be a type of she's person
That's like so boring that people actually start to think that she's smart, but isn't that the girl who won season three?
I mean, I think it was Lisa the bartender that worked at Coyote ugly
She was hot with long brown hair and she was used her way to the wind
But she had some sort of personality like this girl Caitlin has nothing nothing. Which one is she who she she's used her way to the win. But she had some sort of personality. Like, this girl, Caitlin, has nothing.
Nothing going on.
Which one is she?
Who is she?
The bartender.
One of the generic bartenders.
So later on in the episode,
like, as she was packing up her bag,
she says to the camera,
I'm going to manipulate someone to fall for me.
And that stutter was actually her.
I wasn't stuttering myself.
She, like, couldn't say
that she was going to manipulate someone convincingly.
I was like, okay.
She's like, I'm going to manipulate.
She's like, I'm going to
manipulate someone.
Those girls, they think
that they've got it all in their
boobs. That's where their brains are. They think they've
got it all in their boobs, and then they do end
up finding somebody who carries them to the end
because of their boobs, and then they get screwed up finding somebody who carries them to the end because of their boobs, and then they get
screwed over every time because the guy's been playing
them the whole time, because girls like that
always get treated like a stupid piece of meat
with no respect, and no one's really going to take them
to the end.
So speaking of the boobs,
Gina Marie, who's the one from Long
Island, sheaps out of
Staten Island.
I really believe that Staten
Island used to be attached to Manhattan, and those
people were so fucking obnoxious that someone took a
chainsaw and manually cut it
away and pushed it down the
river to get it away, because of women
like that.
What I was going to say is, she's
obnoxious. I can't stand those
people, and I can tell that there are
already people in the house that can't stand her.
Do you think that it makes sense to get rid of somebody like that?
Because I'm watching it, and I'm going, I hate her, but I would never try to get rid of her at the beginning,
because I would rather her stay there and annoy the shit out of other people.
I'm sorry, I have to pause. One of the girls, who's the girl in the black dress there?
One of the girls here on Big Brother After Dark just scratched her back with a soup ladle.
Like that, there better be some washing after that.
What's the name of the girl with the white family
and the black family?
Oh, Candace.
Candace, I love that.
She's like, so I only found out two years ago
that I was adopted,
so now I have a white family and a black family.
I'm like, I hope you weren't raised in the white family
because then you're a total idiot.
Right.
I'm like, I hope you weren't raised in the white family because then you're a total idiot.
I just realized my white family is my adopted family.
I just realized that.
There's some shirtless activity going on. There's a lot of shirtless activity going on right now.
But I'm not, you know, usually there's at least one jerk-offable guy. I don't know
who that is this year. Who is it? I'm agreeing.
I agree with you. I don't find any of them hot.
Not even the black guy's that hot.
Sort of like, stumpy.
Also, because he says things like, I got the eye
of the tiger, but the spirit of a lion.
Or whatever. And he also says, like,
oh, well, he,
when he stood up when he was introducing himself,
and he said, and the only thing that matters to me is my Christianity.
Yeah.
I love when people do that and then go into Big Brother.
I have no problem with religious people,
but if you start saying shit like that in this game, evict it.
Yeah.
Well, what's funny about Howard is that he's trying to be, like, tough and, like, whatever, you know, cool.
But he seems like he's actually just, like, a nice softie he's actually just like a soft, like a nice softie.
And it's the same.
I don't think that Nick is a nice softie,
but it's always funny when there are these people
that come in and try to be like alpha male,
try to be cool, try to impress people.
And you're like, no, no, no, you're not.
Hey, you guys, Rebecca is on her Facebook page
saying Hermie the wannabe dentist.
What is that?
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Hermie, the
wannabe dentist?
Yeah.
Rebecca, I'm too stupid.
I don't get it.
None of us get it.
Speaking of... Oh, wait.
Hermie, is that a reference
to PB's Big Adventure?
I don't know.
I'm asking...
Isn't there someone
named Hermie?
I don't know.
Okay, let's talk about
the pizza guy
that's really a pizza guy
that they all think
is not a pizza guy.
It takes a lot of idiots to think that another idiot is a genius.
You guys, what do they think that guy is?
That guy, I mean, granted, he won the first A2H.
But on the other hand, the first A2H was the classic
hold on to a wiener until you can't hold on anymore challenge.
So it's not like it was a brain power challenge.
Plus he's one of those guys that's not too heavy.
He has enough athleticism and he's gangly enough to make a challenge like that work for him.
I don't see him winning a lot of challenges,
but this is like perfectly suited for somebody with that body.
It's perfectly suited for somebody who has the ambition to be the best damn delivery boy
that this world has ever seen.
And that's all he wants.
I like him.
I like him, too.
He's, like, one of my favorites.
Well, I do, too.
He's like the busted Joseph Gordon-Levitt of the season.
I like a man who can just say right up front,
I have no ambition in life except to deliver a damn fine pizza.
And then when he gets a pizza and he's getting into his car, he's like,
yeah, this is an opportunity for some money. What did he say?
There's some money to be made.
Yeah, and then he didn't even get a tip.
Oh.
I hope you make 20%
on that $10.
But I was glad when all that liquid
started spurting out during the challenge, because that's
the best condition that guy's ever had.
Boy, you either need to cut that hair,
put it back, or use some conditioner.
What the hell, people?
There is such a thing
as too much freedom in this country, people.
Don't worry. If he lasts about three weeks,
the girls will get bored enough where they'll want to groom him.
That's what happens every year.
Remember what happened to Ian last year
when they put nair on his armpits?
Oh my god.
Classic moments in television.
I still can't believe he won, Ian.
Boring.
I didn't like last season.
Wait, so can we talk about, I want to talk about Gina Marie,
the Staten Island girl, a little bit more, which is that
first of all, she has a big bed.
Yeah, big brother!
I got this bed, yeah?
What?
What? What?
First of all, there are no beauty pageants in Staten Island,
so I don't know where that bitch thinks she's coaching beauty pageants. She should end up hanging out slash making out with Nick
because he likes parkour and rollerblades from 2010 and 1992,
and she likes tongue rings from 1997.
And not just tongue rings.
Oh, that thing's hideous.
It's like hot pink.
It's neon.
It's like...
Is that a light bulb?
What if you had been that?
I know.
I was trying to look less yellow
because when I laugh, I get Asian eye
and I didn't want everybody to be like,
oh, Ronnie, why don't you ever talk about how Asian you are?
When I first met you, I thought that you were
maybe
a quarter Hawaiian
slash Asian.
Yeah, I get that.
Wow.
So, Gina Marie,
who right now is on
screen prancing around
her big booty.
She, I think, is going to be one of the breakout stars at least of the early season. Depends on how long
she's going to be here.
They've given her a lot of time already.
She's loud and outlandish.
She's fun right now, but you know
a switch is going to go off on her and she's going to become a crazy bitch.
Yes.
Those are always the girls who go nuts.
As in real life.
She has her eyes on Howard,
but obviously some of the guys have their eyes on her.
So it'll be interesting to see which suitors she winds up with.
Which one's Howard?
Howard's the black guy.
Oh, yeah.
Remember she was jumping on the bed, showing off her tits,
and then jumped into his arms in the first five minutes they were in the house?
Yeah.
She's like, do me.
Yeah, he's hot.
I mean, I guess, right?
He's kind of hot.
He works out a lot.
Howard?
Yeah.
I don't think so.
If you like, I don't know.
I mean, I'm not a Christian,
but like if you're not married, can you have sex?
Yeah.
Well, I mean, you're not supposed to, but.
Well, basically it's a sin.
I'm not a Christian.
I seem to cherry pick which rules apply. Well, it's a sin. Like, are very Christian seem to try to pick which rules.
Well, it's a sin.
Like, it's definitely a sin.
You just say you're sorry when you're done.
Is that, like, why they have confessional, so you can get it all out,
and then you're, like, clean slate again?
Oh, girl, if you're a modern Christian, you don't got to go to confessional.
Just say it before you go to bed.
Just be like, oh, yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry, sorry.
And it's okay. That's a great thing
about it.
Can we talk about, because we already talked about
Jessie. Jessie's the one who
the girls don't like. She claims the girls
don't like her.
Jeremy, first of all,
Jeremy's the guy who lives on a boat. He's tall.
He's a huge idiot. He's got terrible
tattoos. And he says he's Irish-German, and he's also part
Cherokee, which is probably a tiny, tiny sliver, because
everyone thinks they're part Cherokee.
But he then announces that he likes to embrace his inner
Cherokee.
And he does that by going, ooh!
Did anybody immediately flash back to
Louane de la Seix, the Countess?
I'm like, oh.
There was definitely a trail of tears going on. I immediately flashback to Luann de la Sexte's The Countess. I'm like, oh.
There was definitely a trail of tears going on.
It was a very dark night in Indian casinos tonight.
Very, very dark night.
There was a lot of unhappy people at the nickel machines tonight.
Yeah, that guy.
They boycotted
a big brother, a Mohican son.
Over. No more.
Yeah, they're like, we turn off
the Wheel of Fortune machine
until we recall from this embarrassment.
Yeah, I think he
was... I think he is, actually,
he does have that kind of Cherokee face.
We're just not used to seeing Indians work out so much.
I'm from, like...
Sorry, go ahead.
They were comparing...
One of the girls, I think it was Junkie,
was comparing him to Taylor Lautner
from the Twilight franchise.
Yeah.
And I'm not into, like, twinkie boys like that,
but when they put them next to each other,
I was like, Taylor Lautner is hot,
and this dude is ugly.
And on top of that, he has that, like,
that Munster haircut where it's, like, so fat. It's Eddie top of that, he has that Munster haircut.
I call him Fuckable Eddie Munster.
Because that's what he's like.
Yeah, he's kind of a fuckable Eddie Munster. I mean, he's not... I don't want to say
he's ugly. I mean,
he's just not... I don't know. It's just like there's no
Jeff, you know? There's no guy that
comes on and I'm like, oh my god!
And I fall down. Absolutely not.
And there's some weird stuff the way, there's some weird
stuff happening on Big Brother After Dark tonight. They're doing
some sort of like fashion show. They're doing a pageant
and Gina Marie is hosting a pageant right now.
And, uh, okay, so our favorite
Jessie is talking. She's got some serious
FUPA action going on. If you don't know what FUPA means,
look it up on Urban Dictionary. I don't know what it
means. It's an acronym.
Ronnie, do you know what that means? FUPA?
FUPA! And then you break a glass. Ronnie, do you know what that means? FUPA!
You know what FUPA means?
Yeah, and then you break a glass on the ground.
No, no, no.
Alright, fine. Everyone, here's what FUPA means.
And you may not like it.
FUPA stands for Fat Upper Pussy Area.
What? Benjamin, I take
personal offense to that because I have that.
You can also soften up by saying Fat Upper pelvic area or fat upper pubic area.
But the origin is really fat upper pelvic area.
So is this really like that thing that a lot of moms get that looks like a built-in fanny pack?
Yes.
And if you want to see a great example, look at Jesse in her magic wear.
I wish you had Time Warner so you could tell me what channel
that's on, because...
It's on TV Guide Network.
Who the fuck knows what channel that is?
We're on direct TV here.
I have another question about
Elisa for you guys.
I think by the end of the first
episode, we started to see some cracks.
We think that Judson, or Jud,
or whatever his name is, is on
to her. Do you think that it's going to come back
to bite her in the ass when people find out that she
is Rachel's sister?
I think that
if she handles it well, it'll be okay
because last year people weren't going to kick off
the brother of Russell Hunt, even though that was such
a random thing that he was even on
there. But they weren't going to get rid of him until
he turned into a total psychopath.
Yeah, I don't think that Elisa seems like
as much of a psychopath as Rachel was,
and I think that she'll be able to deal better.
But you guys, if they find out about her secret weapon,
a vision board, it's all over.
She is out of the house.
They both...
They will evict her so quickly.
The rollerblader is wearing
a hot pink mini dress right now, and I think that he's really a cross-dresser. That's not the rollerblader is wearing a hot pink mini dress right now.
And I think that he's really a cross dresser.
That's not the rollerblader.
That's the lifeguard.
The lifeguard.
I'm sorry.
The lifeguard is wearing a hot pink mini dress.
McGray is wearing khakis.
Who's that?
That's Elisa.
Oh, Elisa looks great.
Elisa just, Elisa was looking great.
You guys, there's like 8,000 channels on the TV.
I can't find it.
By the way, okay, Aaron just did it.
Like, I think Aaron is hot.
Okay, so Jesse, by the way, is so not the hottest girl.
She really is like the fourth hottest girl.
And she has no swagger.
Do you see this?
She has no swagger.
I'd sleep with the Asian before her.
Well, it's not like.
Helen is pretty, too.
Helen's pretty, I think. You made it sound like it was a last resort. Yeah, it's not like the, what, Helen is pretty too. Oh.
FELICIA DAY O' Helen's pretty, I think.
The mom?
He made it sound like it was a last resort.
Yeah, you're like, hey, you're a big mother.
Yeah, she's actually a lot of things.
I don't want to sleep with Candace.
Her boobies look like puffy little cones.
So here's what's interesting about Candace, is that when
she has makeup on, she looks one way.
But we did see one shot of her in the confessional where she
had no makeup on, and she looked like a totally different
person.
Totally different person.
Who's Candace?
She was the adopted one who was.
Oh, she's pretty.
Is she ugly without makeup?
Yeah.
I think she's also Miss Louisiana, and I think that
she was even on Oprah.
Oprah helped her find her family.
One of those things.
There's also Amanda, by the way. Amanda has Oprah. Like Oprah helped her find her family.
One of those things.
There's also Amanda, by the way.
Amanda has this.
Oh, he's touching her.
Oh, oh.
Cherokee has his arm around.
The bartender.
The bartender.
The boring bartender with no personality.
Oh, it sounds like she has manipulated someone after all.
He's caressing her arm, Ronnie.
You guys, I still can't find it.
Okay. Oh, you know why, Ronnie?
Because we have DIRECTV, and DIRECTV, we can see it live.
We can see it East Coast feed, but you have to wait until midnight.
Sorry, Ronnie.
Are you effing kidding me?
I hate you guys.
Okay.
Whatever.
I also wanted to talk about Amanda from Long Island.
She's a realtor in Florida.
She's got huge tits.
You guys, what about – that's the meaty girl, right?
By the way, oh, my God.
Helen won the beauty pageant.
They're just trying to be nice to her.
But before they kick her out.
Yeah, for not – they're like, we would have liked you,
but you won that beauty pageant
and it hurt our feelings.
Sorry, final lady.
And it's initially
going to be a joke,
but then they're going
to start to believe it
and then become jackals
based around that
one fucked up notion.
They're going to say,
you know,
I know the beauty pageant
was a joke,
but she was really ungracious
the way she watched.
She's like,
I'm stuffing it in.
I don't like that about Helen.
And she's a patient. The ginger is looking really splotchy it in. I don't like that about Helen. And she's a queen.
The ginger is looking really splotchy right now.
I don't know why
you guys like him.
Personality-wise, Matt.
I love him.
His personality's so funny.
He's wearing a cat shirt, Matt.
He's got a good personality.
He does.
And also,
I'm just so grateful
to see a nice gay.
I saw Reagan the other day
at Whole Foods and he's just like, Reagan's naughty see a nice gay. I saw Reagan the other day at Whole Foods, and he's just like...
Reagan?
I like Reagan.
Reagan retweeted me even...
Reagan retweeted me tonight.
Oh, you like him because...
You like Reagan because he retweeted you.
Well, no, I do like Reagan because I've had good conversations with him.
I think he's a nice guy.
He's a bet.
And now he's probably watching this, BT Dubs,
and he knows your face now.
And he knows that you're a betch.
Whatever.
But Ronnie's not wearing makeup and he has yellow lighting, so you won't be able to tell
when you see him in the show.
Yeah, he'll never know.
He'll never know it's me.
It's okay, because Reagan and Rachel hated each other, now they're besties.
So there's hope for you and Reagan.
Okay, I'm looking at-
They yell at each other a lot.
I'm looking at Ben's list of notes, and he didn't even remember to put down the train
conductor. Oh, Spencer.
Yeah, sorry. I'm not rooting
for him now that he's not gay. I thought he was
a big fagito burrito. If he's not gay,
then why the hell would I root for him? He's just a jerk
if he's not gay. He's not very
nice. That guy's like, I'm gonna tell
people off. He's like, I'm gonna tell everybody
off, because that's just how I am. I ain't taking shit
from nobody. I'm a blue, blue, blue. And I was like, oh my god, faggot, go. Go, girl, go. I'm on your tell everybody off because that's just how I am. I ain't taking shit from nobody. I'm going to boo, boo, boo.
And I was like, oh, my God, faggot, go.
Go, girl, go.
I'm on your side.
But now he's a straight guy.
He's just a dick.
No, he's not a dick.
He's like, I like it.
He's sort of like, he's playing the game.
He's going to be crying like a bitch and blaming everybody for everything.
Would it be amazing if he was secretly like a big burly daddy bear train conductor?
That's what I was hoping for.
I mean, you just burst my bubble.
I thought that that was...
Look, we...
You made your own bubble.
You made your own bubble.
We didn't see any rings, and we didn't see like a backstory with a wife and two ugly, like, special kids.
I know.
His backstory was just like being on a train.
Huh?
We didn't see any erections with all those women.
We did not see him getting a boner.
But he probably has a fupa.
He does have a fupa.
You guys, I have a fupa.
I prefer to call it an FM, a fat man-gina.
All right?
I think it's shorter.
There is a man version of a FUPA,
but I forget what it's called.
We'll look that one up.
It's called an FM,
and it's better than AM.
It's more modern.
By the way,
I have to say that this show,
I mean, Big Brother,
is actually echoing Happy Endings
because you had Elisa,
who has a vision board,
which is exactly what happens
on the episode of Happy Endings.
You have this guy
embracing his inner Cherokee, which is what
Dave does on Happy Endings.
And then you also have, by the way, David
on this show saying that he brings a lot
of V-necks because he wants to show off his pecs.
And that's also what Dave Rose does on Happy Endings.
So even though Happy Endings is
cancelled, I'm glad it's carrying on in reality
form on Big Brother.
Ronnie,
can you get Matt and Ben to
take a shot from the bar behind them
with a special toast to the Big Brother season?
Okay.
Rebecca Wheeler!
Oh my god, yes!
Hermie the wannabe dentist. That's who that
redhead guy looks like.
She was telling me who the redhead,
not the redhead, the surfer guy.
Who is Hermie the wannabe dentist?
From Rudolph, the Claymation Rudolph.
I told you it was a Claymation Christmas.
I'm Jewish.
Rebecca, thank you.
What, you don't get network television?
Because that's on every year, Jew.
Where are you?
You're out shopping for one of your 20,000 Hanukkah gifts?
I'm just having a moment to remember how my people have been persecuted.
That's what I do.
He's making lot keys and playing dreidel.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
You guys, if you want to hear some good Holocaust jokes,
listen to this week's Watch What Crafted.
Ben has a lot of good Holocaust jokes.
I only made one, but that's all you need, right?
That's true.
I've got a Jew pass today,
so I'm allowed to say anything I want about Jews.
You guys, it's so hot.
Why are we doing this in the summer?
Look, I'm shiny.
OK.
So let's see.
What else happened?
So they all came to us.
My favorite thing of all is when they all sit around and
drink champagne, and they all meet each other, and they're
all friends for that one beautiful second.
Yeah.
And then David, our lifeguard, he made a stupid proclamation
that I guess one of the girls,
he liked one of the girls, which one was it?
Was it like Erin or something, the blonde?
And he goes, I feel on connection right off the bat.
Yeah, he's the one, he's the surfer boy or the lifeguard and he likes the Texas schoolgirl.
Yeah.
Of course.
Is it ever, do they ever walk in and be like, oh my god, look at that slightly cross-eyed
beefy girl who's possibly a lesbian and sells real estate.
Hmm, instant connection.
No, you look at her boobs, and that's it.
Her boobs and her blonde hair.
Okay, let's just go on the record right now.
Well, I posted this on my Twitter,
so I'm going to play this game with you guys,
and I need quick reactions.
Ronnie, marry, fuck, kill.
Marry, fuck, kill.
Pick one for each.
Marry, fuck, kill. Mary, fuck, kill. Pick one for each. Mary, fuck, kill.
Mary.
The ginger.
Oh, no.
You have to give me three people.
I do?
Yeah, that's how it works.
Yeah, you have to give me three people.
Give him three.
Give him three options.
There's so many.
Okay.
Fuck.
The rollerblader.
Sorry, but he's little. I like to toss him around like spaghetti. So him. He. Fuck the rollerblader. Sorry, but he's little.
I like to toss him around like spaghetti.
So him.
Who's getting killed?
Mary.
Probably the girl who sells real estate because that's a very stable job,
and I'm going to fuck her anyway.
I'm going to be fucking the guy on the rollerblades.
Kill.
I think the one I want to kill is Staten Island.
I mean, I lived in Staten
Island, and that is no joke out there.
If you don't kill them, they will kill you.
Watch Mob Wives.
They're like the chocolate and candy crush
saga. If you don't take care of it immediately,
it's just going to reproduce and destroy your internet.
Okay, Ben, you're first.
Okay, kill
is Nick.
Fuck would probably
be Howard.
And then
marry
Andy.
I like his personality
and not just because
he's the gay one.
He's like funny.
Either that or Amanda
the real estate agent
because she's
no, no, no, no.
She'd probably be too tough
to deal with.
I'll just stick with Andy
for now
but I may revise
my opinion
in a week from now.
Okay. Your turn. I would I'll just stick with Andy for now, but I may revise my opinion in a week from now. OK.
Your turn.
I would marry Elisa.
OK.
Wait, which one's that?
Wait, can I take one back?
Rachel's sister.
Rachel's sister.
I like her.
I like her.
I'm going to stick with that I like her.
I'm taking Andy back, and I'm going to put
Helen in his place.
Because I feel like she's smart.
And even though she says she doesn't cook, I bet her mom
cooks really well.
I love it.
.
Yeah, so sorry, Andy.
I'm going to marry Alisa.
I'm going to fuck the hot bartender from Minnesota lady.
Matthew, really?
You could get your mangina up for that? It's theoretical fucking.
No, I'll have...
I'm fine.
I'll have sex with the surfer
just because I want to touch his hair.
No!
He's so gross!
Don't get man dressed because he's skinny.
Let's stand up for real good looks.
And then I would definitely kill...
I would kill, I think...
Oh, I would definitely kill the girl that keeps
saying that she's so beautiful and she's not. Jessie.
Oh yeah, Jessie. She could be killed too.
No, I want to watch her get old and ugly
and then realize.
That's a good one.
Okay, you guys, are you going to take a shot from behind you to toast to the season?
Because that was a request. You have to do it. You can't just ignore it.
No, we don't feel like it. Sorry.
You guys,
if we're going to do this with a live audience,
you have to do stuff. I'll take one with you.
Come on. Hey, do you guys want to come meet
at Foo Bar when this is over?
I'm wearing shorts.
It's Foo Bar. It's not like it's a classy joint.
Go in there. There's a guy that's
always there that I like. I can't do this.
I'm going in shorts and a flip-flop.
One flip-flop.
Just one flip-flop and an old
Starbucks cup.
And a Starbucks cup full of vodka. That's right.
And I'll probably see Reagan there. And he'll be nice because
he'll be drunk. And that's when he's nice to me.
And otherwise he just pretends I'm
invisible. Little bastard.
God, I hope he's not
watching this. I don't like that we're doing this
where people can see us. Because what if I'm in the Whole Foods
one day and what if he was desperate and watched some stupid thing we tweeted out one night
because it was tagged Big Brother?
And then what if he started telling me off and stuff
and calling me mean names like he did with Rachel that time?
I would cry, you guys.
Yes, yes, yes.
I think that people on Facebook were like, fuck you guys, bye.
Alcohol.
I don't blame them.
Okay.
Where's your shot, bitch?
Okay, so let's go back.
Why for this shot? One thing that I thought was
really funny was that when Julie announced
the twist to them, and she
goes, alright, the first twist is that
every week
there will not be two people
nominated for eviction. And one person goes,
there'll be one person. One!
It was the hillbilly. It was the hillbilly.
It was the hillbilly job.
That was pretty good.
That was amazing.
Let's take a shot and get done with this.
Hold on, hold on. We're filling up.
This is a big shot.
That's a lie. You were drinking
tap water.
Do I look like I'm drinking tap
sweat and I'm slurring?
I'm being racist.
I'm being unpolite.
Unlike I normally am.
I didn't record the audio to this.
How am I supposed to upload this bullshit to SoundCloud?
You didn't record the audio for this?
RAYMOND SANTANA, JR.: No.
It's OK.
I guess I could do it on YouTube.
It'll be on YouTube.
RAYMOND SANTANA, JR. By the way, we only see you,
Ronnie. Are people at home getting
to see back and forth?
You don't see yourself?
No, in the big screen
we see only you.
We don't see it.
It switches back and forth
depending on who's talking. You can tell who's talking.
I think you must have probably clicked
manually. If you click manually on yourself
to look at yourself, it'll stay on you.
Cheers.
Cheers to you.
To Rebecca Wheeler.
May we never disagree if we do.
To Rebecca Wheeler. Okay, ready, go.
I feel like a gentleman.
What a feeling!
All right.
Woo!
I shouldn't have done that.
All right.
But it was good.
Why does vodka make me sweat like that?
I don't go to school.
It hurts, but it's good.
It's good.
It's Gentleman Jack.
I've never had that before.
It's Gentleman Jack.
Woo!
Is that classy?
Yeah.
Is it like Quavassier?
No, it's just a nicer version of Jack Daniels.
Ooh.
If you had it over ice, it'd taste even better.
I'm sure.
So anyway, I guess we can start to wrap this up, though.
We can talk about the Popsicle challenge.
What do you guys think about that challenge?
I thought it was very generic.
I feel like the first ones are supposed to be a little bit
more involved, because they have time to build a set.
And I thought, like, hang on. No, the first ones are supposed to be a little bit more involved because they have time to build a set. And I thought, hang on.
No, the first one is always hanging on to a phallic
symbol.
There's the wiener.
Yes, it was the slide off the banana.
Oh, yeah, there's the banana.
Last year was the banana.
The year before, it was the giant wiener.
It was literally a wiener.
But the thing is, normally it involves some sort of team
thing, and there's usually running from one side to
another.
Crossing back and forth.
So to do it in a different challenge.
And by the way, to see that giant tongue going back and
forth, that was a bit much for me.
That was the girl from Staten Island.
That was the girl from Staten Island, her
giant fucking mouth.
FUBAR's going to have that.
When you walk in, you have to walk by that tongue.
Try not to get hit.
BFT night.
Big fat tongue night. Big Fat Tongue night.
Hey.
Yeah, Fubaba.
All right.
So let's...
The Pizza Boy won.
Pizza Boy won.
Who's he going to nominate?
I don't know who he's going to nominate yet.
I would say...
I feel like it's not going to be good.
I think it's going to be the guy who rollerblades.
No, no, he can't because he made an alliance with him.
So it's going to be the guy who looks like a fuckable Eddie Munster
and the Asian lady.
And Helen.
Yes.
I think we can all agree that Helen is definitely nominated.
Not necessarily because McRae is kind of an outcast.
He may actually gravitate towards another outcast.
Maybe it'll be you.
He looks sad.
He looks sad.
And by the way, I want to say not because she's Asian,
but because she's the older one.
And they're all like, ew, old people.
And by old, we mean she's maybe 34.
No, she's actually 37.
And she's the oldest one in the house, and she's 37.
I like it when they have someone who's at least over 45.
They have to have one old person.
Remember Jerry and Rennie? Rennie is like one of's at least over 45. They have to have one old person. Remember Jerry and Renny?
Renny is like
one of my all-time favorites.
What about
Shelly?
My God,
she was a piece.
I love an old lady.
I love a lady
in her mid-40s
that looks like she's 70
who's a change.
Shelly.
Yeah,
you gotta have that.
Shelly was amazing
and she also gave us
one of the best episodes
that season
when she turned 18.
She fucked Jeff and Jordan.
And what about Sheila?
I love Sheila in season nine.
Love.
Love Sheila.
Jordan Rennie.
There was Jack from season four.
We liked him.
Chicken George.
Hated him.
I hated Chicken George.
Oh, George.
Didn't he win the first season?
Who was the first winner?
It was the guy named Eddie who had one leg.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
But that was when America voted.
Yeah.
If America, if it was the same rules now, he would have been out first.
They'd have been like, he just didn't really make an effort.
We were like, come on, like, run over here.
They'd have been like, you know what?
He really could have done better in that hopscotch challenge if he just had a vision board.
up, he really could have done better in that Hopscotch challenge if he just had a vision board.
And on that note, we're all going to hell and we'll see you next time.
Yeah, we'll see you there. I'm Ronnie Karam, I'm from TrashHopTV.com and Ben is from B-SideBlog.com
and Matt is from Yahoo. You can find us on Twitter. I'm at TrashTweetTV, Ben is at B-SideBlog,
Matt is at Matt Whitfield and we're all loving our little Vine accounts lately. I'm at TrashTweetTV. Ben is at B-Side Vlog. Matt is at Matt Whitfield. And we're all loving
our little Vine accounts lately. I'm at
Ronnie Karen. Ben is at B-Side Vlog.
And Matt is at Matt Whitfield.
No! Life on the M-List!
Life on the M-List!
Life on the M-List!
Life on the M-List!
Okay. That made up for it, right?
Okay! Bye! We'll be back next week
for another one of these live things.
Tell us if you like it.
Tell us if you like it being live.
Tell us if you want us to do maybe the other one live.
I don't know.
If there's people who would want to be into this,
I guess we'll do it, right?
Maybe.
It's like the ultimate selfie, you guys.
You can have a selfie war right here on our webcams.
And I'm going to post this to Joker's Updates,
and we love Joker's Updates.
They're always very good.
They always send me a lot of love on my blog. And I hope they're able to extend the love to our new podcast.
Yeah, Joker's Updates.
Pick it up.
Let's use some mutual plug-in.
What?
Oh, yeah, you guys.
Also, we didn't tell you where you can find us.
We'll be posting these, I'm sure, on our Watch What Crappens page,
but you can also find us on YouTube,
where we will be streaming these live every week.
And our YouTube channel is The TV Click,
and that is also the name of this podcast.
So after Big Brother is over, if you guys have liked this,
we will continue to do other shows and stuff.
Okay.
So thank you so much for being here, y'all.
You have a good one.
Bye.
Bye. Okay. So thank you so much for being here, y'all. You have a good one. Bye! Bye!
Bye!
Bye! If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the Internet.
The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It.
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