Watch What Crappens - Top Chef and Below Deck: It Ain't Easy Bein' Cheesy

Episode Date: December 16, 2017

If you have lactose intolerance, this amazing episode of Top Chef isn't for you. If, on the other hand, you love seeing tortoiseshell glasses leaking, you'll love it! Also, we talk a bit about the Below Deck reunion and make tons of Hoda jokes. This week's bonus is about Ben's bday weekend and Ronnie's Austin Bobby Bender performance. Plus Married to Medicine, of course. To hear it, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens ***Crappens Live is coming to NYC, Boston, DC, Detroit and Houston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchi blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com-watchwhat-crapins. That's patreon.com-watch-what-crapins. You can also find us on social media, on Twitter, we're at what-crapins, on Instagram

and Facebook at Watch What Crapins. We'll see you there. I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy Okay. Kelly Barlow. When she goes Barlow, we go high low. Christy Dowdy, the OG Prem Suprime. And our super duper premium sponsor, Kelly Grant, the most gorgeous girl in Texas. We love you. Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crap and Spotcast. The podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about on Yo Bros. I'm Ronny Karen from the Rosepricks podcast,

which comes back this Monday, so to me. Whoa! And here I am with the gorgeous, talented, newly minted 26 Barn Mitzvah Old. Ben Mantle clear the B-side blog and the Banta Blender. Hello, Ben. Hello! Unlike you, I have no idea when the B side blog and the banter blender. Hello, Ben. Hello Unlike you, I have no idea when the banter blender is coming back because I Just don't have energy to book guests for it. So I promoted every single episode and yet I don't have any new content I'm not have new content in nine months, but thank you everyone here. I still watch the golden girls

There you go. There you go. The internet is forever, Ben. Yeah, well, we think net neutrality. Yeah, it's like I hate the banter blender. They might, I take a very strong anti-verizonist answer recently. No, can you hear me now. Can you hear me now? We call that guy a traitor. So we actually kind of did so Garsh we have a lot to discuss Raniu, do you care to do the concert promotion of the day? Sure Guys we started doing this touring thing last year

We were shocked at how amazing it was and how amazing you guys are So now we've just got dates every month. We're going to be going around the country all year long. We're booked up till summer. So up till then. Through May. Yeah. That's close enough, right? Yeah. Your round school has changed everything. I'm just like a calendar purist. Like summer doesn't start till June 21st, 22nd. So let's not go there, Ronnie. Okay. Yeah. I didn't even know the Aries was the God of War until I watched Wonder Woman, okay? That's how little I know about you, the calendar.

Quitting this podcast, how are you not up on your Greek mythology? It's useless hot, that's all I know. Yeah, he was. So we have tons of shows. We're doing, okay. New York, sold that, sorry, New York, Boston, DC. We're coming back to Chicago because you guys are a moss.

We're going to Houston where my mother and a brand new tonte de dal will be appearing. Um, Detroit. Yeah. Yeah. And what I miss. Uh, well, there's, well, one of the Boston shows is a sold out, but the other one tickets are in sale.

So Boston people, that's less than a month away. No, it's a little bit over a month away. So Boston people just sell that out, sell that shit out. DC is totally sold out. DC is like superstars. And we just announced yesterday that we are going to be the golden crappies live in January, here in LA, and that has already sold out. So thank you to everyone who bought

tickets for that. That's going to be super fun. We are actually going to plan things for that show, which is a little different than most of our live shows. We are going to try to have some fun surprises for that. So it's going to be, et cetera, et cetera. Exactly. So it's going to be a really fun 2018. And we have another, there's a potential other thing that might happen in April. We'll just stay tuned. Yeah, there's so much fun, secretive stuff happening over here. And thankfully, my brain doesn't work right. So I don't even remember what it is. So I can't even spoil it. We're playing Lincoln Center. We're winning a Kennedy Center on.

Oh, we will be featured on the Oscars in February. We will be singing Lionel Richie tunes. It's like a month after. Lionel Richie tunes. Why did you downgrade us? We're at the Kennedy Center. Yeah, he was. He just got a Kennedy award. He did Any point in time we've all been dancing on a ceiling. It's 2017 We're like why are we all dancing on a ceiling? It's like not a good thing. We're like what are we doing up here? Why are you saying you and why are you saying me? Okay? Say you say me. What the fuck you you talking about what does that mean Lionel?

Yeah, stick to stick to your other grammar songs like hello Is it me you're looking for no, it's not okay. I apologize for that. I can see it in your head I can see it in your eyes. I can feel it in your touch. Then why aren't you asking? Like what an odd question. It's hard to imagine what videos, you know, what a presumptuous motherfucker Hello, is it me you're looking for no no, it's not actually I was just walking by and minding my own business Yeah, he's like swim fan, but I saw it in your eyes. I felt it in your touch I'm so sorry that I was looking across the room and then brushed against you on my way to the exit, sir.

And how obnoxious to say that to a blind lady, huh? Is it me you're looking for? She can't see you. Even if she makes a bus that's perfectly over your face, that's only because she was touching it, but she was like really looking for anyone. Well, he did say I can feel it in your touch. Maybe she was like Morse coding.

Like, I'm looking for Lionel. Have you seen Lionel? Morse coding. I'm so sorry. Brailing. Brailing, yeah. Yeah. So today we're excited because it's our Friday,

and it is actually Friday. We're going to talk Top Chef. We're going to touch on the below deck reunion. It wasn't, you know, it was a pretty chill reunion, so we don't don't have to devote a whole episode to it. But before we dive into that, we need to like get to the bottom of something, and that's going to require that we revisit a segment that we don't get to do that often, but sometimes it's important to revisit it. The segment we call is Ariana Maddadas. Ariana Maddadas.

Is Ariana Maddadas. So, we have- This is legit, and this is Ben's fault, okay? Ben's fault. It's my two hours making an amazing Sir War's poster Which if you haven't seen it go to the Instagram. What is wrong with you? Yeah, see we've made tremendous in Rose with Ariana over the past year We we sang karaoke with her we went to Mexico with her Ronnie just hung out with her last night

But I she she even came to my birthday party, but I may have imperiled all of it because when I made that Sir Wars image, because that's like now, I feel like that's one of our traditions is that every year Star Wars always needs to come out around Vanderbilt and Bruegel so we make a Sir Wars picture.

So we made it, but I didn't put Ariana in the picture and she tweeted at us saying, I'm mad, I'm not in this. Yeah, you see, we finally got a legit answer. Yes, Ariana is mad. So well, I'm going to tweet, I will tweet at her right now and say, are you still mad at us at Ariana 2525? Well, she is sad because we're not sad, but mad because Katie Kuzorla was at drag queen bingo She was like the celebrity bingo caller knows the oh my god. That's the girl to do it

You know because Katie Kuzorla was like look she was pretending to roll dice, but then splooge all over your face with her hands I'm like, you know, that's a perfect girl She loves doing the sluge motion. Yeah, she does. So Ariana was there and she was in this red beret. And she's like, look, I'm in a beret. And I was like, I know. Like I see it.

And you're pulling it off. Like I like it. And she was also wearing that Jack's Taco Bell sweatshirt thing. Yeah. And I was like, you're mad because mad people wear berets, you know? Yeah. She's like, I am mad because mad people wear burais, you know, yeah, I am mad. How could I not be in that poster? How did she really brought it up? Yeah, she brought it up immediately. And I was like, uh, cause Ben did that. Okay. You know

who's not mad at me? Dumb O because when I did the artwork for Jersey, Dumb O was in the picture. You know, Dumb O, Dumb O will call me back. There were only so many faces I could put in there because I just had to replace faces that were in there. So of course, Brittany and Jacks had to be there. Lisa had to be there. You know, I mean, I feel weird about making replacing a princess Leia with Stasi, but you know, Stasi is sort of like royalty on Vanderpump rules.

I'm sorry, it just is. And then, you know, obviously I had to make Chubaka, Kristen, and then there was some random person that I just made at Shina. I guess that should have been Ariana, but I don't know, I guess, I guess I just had a lapse of judgment. And so I apologize to Ariana

that she was not included in Sir War's 2017, but we hope to make it up to her. Well, that girl is like super nice in real life, you know? and like you don't want to give her a bad star wars character, you know, because that's almost more offensive. Yeah, I mean, I guess I could have made her see three PO because I didn't make R2D2 Ken. I don't know if anyone noticed it, but I put Ken's hair on R2D2. But I just tweeted Ariana and we're just gonna have to wait to see if she will even respond. So that concludes this week's episode. This week's segment of is Ariana Maddados. But it's the first time that we can end with a yes. Yes, yes. I guess it's more like is she

still mad at us look a Star Wars image lives forever bad okay I'm gonna put that on a t-shirt for you it's gonna it's gonna be in the rest of our lives so yes it matters for someone already stole it like I I was you know I'm such a petty fucker and last night Stasi tweeted out the picture and it had like 500 likes, and she said something like, this is great AF, but she tweeted out, someone had made a wall paper of it, which is cool and everything, but they didn't say, oh, I made a wallpaper of watch or crap,

and it's like Sir War's thing. I'm like, I spent two hours on that, violating licensing issues. And I put my bank account at risk for this. So they made like an iPhone wallpaper and Stasi tweeted out. So of course I'm petty. And I was like, Hey, in case you missed it, Stasi, here's the original that we made that the wallpaper was based off of. And she tweeted it out. She was like, she said something about tall grays. So I've got to be like tameratattles.

If she takes a screenshot of a show, she puts tameratattles across it. Our logo was on it. It said, watch her crap. It's any cut it out. I can't put watch crap in the middle of it. Not in the middle of the artistry. Okay. Yeah. Should we get on to top chef speaking of artistry? It's Friday and we're just talking about whatever happened I'm looking at a gas shop. Yeah, I'm literally looking at a gas bill right now. So stupid. Yeah, I'm thinking about gas and bills Yeah, well, Joe's fat so he can sure let out the gas. Okay. Thanks a lot for team. Your name starts with fat

So how about we stop making fat jokes? Sure with fat. So how about we stop making fat jokes? Fat team, huh? Sure. So the episode ends like a little bit. It's like, it's like, you know, here's the winner's reaction, you know, Tyler from Connecticut, you know, he won last week. So it's exciting. And he's like, this is cool because I'm from Simsbury, Connecticut. And Carrie, meanwhile, she was on the the bottom and she's just like, wow, the people like my food, but not the judges. I mean, what a crazy world. And then I was like, I don't.

Because she's a smile. Yeah. Because I forgot like her big issue is that she she burnt potato chips last week. Yeah. That's bad. Yeah, that's, you know, that's that's very like that's a big no no and Tom click goes. The biggest go no was that she smiled too much. I swear to you. They hate when she smiles. And this time she was like, you know what? I think they hate when I smile. Like I'm getting it.

Like she's sensitive. And so now she's doing a closed mouth smile. Yeah. Where it's like a smirk. She's like I'm being positive, but I'm still being a man. So respect me, sis. And they're like, okay, he's like, thanks for getting rid of the smile. That taste is great. Yeah. They're like the anti-Shanese. They don't love your smile. Smiling causes wrinkles. So the next morning, after the opening credits, we hear some sort of like funk bass music playing. It was like semi-porno, semi like, hey, here comes a lazy person walking down the hallway, you know? And who was it? The bear, it was the bear, yeah, the bear, the bear dead.

Right. It was the fat people walking down the hallway. It's like they have a music cue for everything in this show. I love it. They're like, hey, let's get a big guy. Let's get a big guy music cue. It should sound like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,

boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, or Jonah Hill's future, a sleep apnea machine. I forgot, is Jonah Hill's real name Joe on this? I think, right? He's non-Mostash Joe. Yeah.

I don't know if Hill have sleep apnea. I don't know, he's just seems so cute and happy. When people are that young, I just, I don't wish anything bad on them. I'm like, he's gonna be healthy and fat forever and prove that you can do it. Yeah, so yeah, Jonah Hill, fake Jonah Hill, Bruce and Tyler,

all live in the same room. And so they named it the bear, the bear den. And we saw a shot and they had like some like little bear paws on and they're like, they're like, wow, we're the bear den, raw. And then just like cuts to like quick fire challenge. I was like, oh, okay, I guess that's all the character development we're gonna get for this episode.

I mean, what is there? You know, that's what it's like being overweight. That is your character development. They're like, that's the fat guy, you know, that's what or gay, like that's that gay guy, you know, it's or that's the fat gay bald guy. It's like, you know, you fuck yourself. But I would like to say early prediction, I think Tyler will turn into Shina. And he seems like the oddest choice to turn into Shina. I can't stop like this. He has like kind of a thing when he talks and he puts all his

words together like that. Sleep apnea. But he does get a little Shina like grover in the back. Just keep watching. Just keep watching. Let's see how it. Let's see how it develops. I'm going to listen for it. So then they walk into the kitchen and Padma standing there and she goes I Hope you guys were all rested after that first challenge because I'm going to put you to work today And you can tell them like fuck you Padma. Yeah, and then she goes Why is Padma pretending she's like happy to be? Padma pretending she's happy to be. So, I don't have to run through the paces every single episode on this show.

We had three hours of sleep. Stop taunting us. Yeah, she's like, I'm going to me. We're gonna say he's a chef There's a short man with a basketball face standing next to me who owns lots of things Chef, what's your face say hello? Technically his name is Troy Garg. So it's kind of funny that you say he has a Basketball face as a guard. It's a position in basketball He's a guard. Yeah, that's like the saddest that's like the saddest one. It's like you're not the swisher. I mean, I don't know basketball

placings, but I would rather be a swisher than like a guard. I don't think there is a position called a swisher, but there is a football player, I believe, named Nate swisher, or maybe he was a basketball player. Maybe you were like secretly on top of it, or maybe he was a basketball player. Maybe you were like secretly on top of it. Or maybe he's a baseball player. I don't remember. What? Someone can look that up.

What? Someone can look that up. So gay. So gay. Um, hello, I'm not as gay because I'm in the fancy football playoffs. Yeah. Yeah, you fantasize about football. Let's not get it all.

You pick like the gayest thing that straight people do. Um, there is, I don't know, I don't know who Nate's wish is, there's a Nick swisher who's a baseball player there. We solved it. So um, uh, so it's going to be one of the top chef classic challenges. It's the hardest for everybody. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha challenge. Ha ha. Yeah, the Miz on Place really race. And we've seen this now.

If the past several seasons were like, you know, what chef has to like cut up something. And then it's like, check. And then they check it. It's like, you're good. Move on. And then it's like the next person. And I'm actually a little surprised

because normally Tom Calicchio is the judge. So it's weird that they outsourced it to like basketball face with the soul patch. Yeah, but Padma outsourced it to like basketball, Facebook, the Soul Patch. Yeah, but Padma loves him. Maybe they were like, he gives Padma life, so keep him around. Now, I love how they phrase things on the show. She's like, we would like to welcome our sponsor, Hello, Fresh, Crappens 30 for $30 off your first week of groceries. As always, your groceries have been sourced by their artisanal suppliers. Artisanal. Artisanal.

You killed a cow. What did you kill the cow with a water paint brush in your hand? Artisanal. No, it just means they killed it with suspenders on. But the thing is that this show was so full of so many ridiculous pretentious moments all episode long. I was cracking up on my couch. There were so many comments on that. I mean, the most ridiculous thing that we heard all episodes is coming up very shortly, but I'm not going to jump the gun just yet. Basically, in this Mieson Plus, the first thing is that

they have to peel and broodwaws a quart of shallots, which basically means I do like a tiny dice on them. And then the next station, they have to peel and de-stem a quart of craminy mushrooms. And then they have to butcher like a bunch of tenderloin pieces that are all 78 ounces or something like that. So that's like the plan.

And then whichever team wins, I guess you used leftover time to cook them cook their dish. So it's not just beef tenderloin, Ben. It's grass fed beef tenderloin. Or just what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's, what it's Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha me's on blast. Yes, I'm me's on blast. What does that even mean? And he's like, it means you have your shit together. I look at it every day and then I know what to do. I'm like, what if you're to do list changes? You know, it's like putting a to do list on your fucking arm.

Who does that? Yeah, I can't tell if his me's on plus is like if it was the word me's on plus, but the tattoo looked like it was like chopped up Onions and tomatoes and celery or something like that. Yeah, it was miles of cubed vegetables Like what do you wake up and do that every day? That's wasteful sir. Do you eat a pile of chopped up carrots every day? What a stupid tattoo brother luck. I should have guessed yeah exactly. I don't think I've ever I've ever seen anything

that could outdo the standard pork belly, bacon, fork and knife serving plate tattoo. But Mizumplast tattoo is truly the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen. That's the worst. You aspire to get past that, right? Because in a restaurant, you start as the prep cook then you're the sous.

Then there's levels. Who gets a tattoo, like let me prepare everything for you, Chef? No, make a chef thing, you know, make a chef tattoo. Yeah, do you really need a tattoo to like remind you to get your shit together? Do you really need that? How about a to-do list?

How about just like an alert on your iPhone? Yes, exactly, I'm using those now. It's like, bzzz, bzzz, don't have a heart attack today. And I'm like, okay, exactly. I'm using those now. It's like, don't have a heart attack today. And I'm like, okay, thanks. But also brother luck. He opened a restaurant and then left. So yeah, you need to remind yourself. Hey, Jack.

Sir. And the restaurant was called Misan Blossom. My brother. I'm so mad at brother luck. I don't know why, but I hate him. And he seems nice. He seems so nice. But that tattoo, it's like you you just cannot

It's it's at least he doesn't have a foe hawk. Oh my god. Thank God. Thank God for baldness This is when we say thank you male pattern baldness, okay? Yeah, so when it works out So then the the mesen plus relay gets underway It's basically like it's the usual like there's like shallow drums like Laura's going too slow but they're going really fast and then Blue team has a lead and then the they're the every all the big bears are peeling kraminis and they are fingers are too big et cetera et cetera. Yeah they make the fat guys peel the mushrooms that was funny they're like why are we doing

this we're fat this is not fair. Alaska. Now I love the girl from Alaska. She is hilarious. She's like, yeah, well, Brynn was just to find dies. However, I don't want to let my team down, you know, and I want to do it right. And you never know when moose can come right in here and stampede over this, you know, in moose, we in moose in Alaska, we learned that we have to conserve every shallot slice. So I have to be very careful because we don't know when our next barge full of shallots is coming through. Yeah, that's when you let yourself get too peaceful. Okay. Yeah. Peaceful people who have no fear fall off cliffs or crashing the mountains.

Okay, you need a little fear babe. Cause you need a little fear babe. Write this very moment. Say you say me. Say Brune was. Say me is on pause. Say Brune was together. I like when they make a knife skill sound so fancy like Brune was. It's a tiny little dice or ship in my ship in my ship. Yeah, that's my favorite. dice. Or, what? Sipinod? Or Sipinod, yes, that's my favorite. My mom took a knife class because she's like, you're not a real chef until you've got your knife certification or whatever. She's like, would you like me to show you a Sipinod?

It's cutting shit into long shapes. Just say that. It's actually easier to say Sipinod. You're right, actually, you're right. So, either way, it looks like the blue team, um, had had the lead for a long time. And then the green team, because, but then Bruce was like, the only butcher and he was taking a long time and then the green team came up.

And then the green team looked like they were going to win. And I was like, really rooting for the green team because the blue team was being cocky. Um, but they messed up like two or three of their tenderloin cuts, and then Bruce was able to come in and win after all for their team. It was exciting. Ronnie's sipping something, or he got disconnected. Oh, I had it on mute, so sorry, I was coughing. Are you there?

Bruce is like, I could do this in my sleep, and I'm like, no, you can't, Bruce. Okay, you couldn't even get the pomade out of your hair last night. Okay, no one trusted me. Who said it's pomade? He just hasn't showered in three months. Maybe, but I know pomade. I used to use it. It's greasy and sticky and heavy.

Yes, I want to say something about men though in general. I talked about women politics a lot last night with my young Millennial women friends. Yeah, I go ahead and they're like, you know how the new minority is like white guys They're like the last people you can be racist against is white American males and we're like a shut up, you know, yeah I still say shut up to that shut up but Yeah. I still say shut up to that, shut up. But this is a perfect example of why it's hard to be a guy. When you grow up around a bunch of guys, they, you're taught to surround each other and go,

bro, do it, go faster, do it, come on, you can do it. In this way, that's like cheering you on, but like you suck if you don't. It's a lot of pressure. I was like, who's gonna succeed in peeling a mushroom? when you've got, when you've got two behind you or the guy with the handlebar mustache like, bro, come on, bro. Yeah, I agree. Also, I guess now probably probably a good time to mention the fact that Bruce looks very much like a video game character, right? Like we agree. He's like, basically a mustache way from being Wario or he could

be like Dr. Eggman from Sonic. Like something is like I can imagine him like walking like like he's like I can imagine playing a game where he's like walking like like and then like an outside landscape and like jumps over like a like a bumblebee that like goes up and down and up and down and he has like jump over it and then like he like hits a cactus and he has to bounce back and he flashes. This is Bruce hurt a little bit. Bruce, yes, this is my vision of Bruce. I can't believe you have a video game where Bruce jumps. He got a special part that me. He got a special. Well, you know, Mario can jump and there's no reason why he should be able to jump. But do I need to shit? He does. Well, he's just better because his brother is taller. So he has to be the best. And can jump better.

Yeah, you can jump way better. Luigi jump. He, I mean, he's frantic. Those legs start going nuts. And then when he lands, he's like slipping the slide. And I mean, no one is the princess. Let's just get right to it. The princess is the shit because you get that. She has that nice horizontal float, you know? Yeah, but she's always getting kidnapped. She's like, help me out. She's such a victim that maybe she wants to be That's what I say. You know, you rescued. Okay. How about that? Yeah, maybe she chose to go to that fire castle with bow bow

Like how many times does Mario have to like see her go off with bowels or before he realizes? Maybe she wants to be with Bowser. Okay. Yeah. Maybe that's what she wants. Um, the Ruse Nintendo University Wii or Ui or whatever it is my sister has it And you can play four people at a time so you can actually be the princess this bitch I mean Make an effort like every other character in it looks like they're working, you know she doesn't she floats around She's like ow like when you you know she's a princess

It's like you know the around. She's like, ow, like when you when you know she's a princess. Ah, it's like you know the princess. She's allowed. She's a princess. That's what princesses do. It's 2017. Learn how to save the castle. I watched out and Abby. That's true. I'm sure what's her face? Prince Harry's fiance would not just go, ow. Yeah. So let's turn him again. She'll cut you. Megan girl is beautiful and she is unafraid. She is on a phrase. I can tell by her people photos. I am sad that we actually never devoted a bonus episode to her. But anyway, so now this is her name. What is her name? I called her Megan Corcor. I don't even think that's even remotely close to her name. I can't care about royalty, but I can look at her picture on the people magazines in the

checkout. And I'm like, she's, I like her. I'm in. Oh my god. I was sort of close. Her name is Megan Markle. Hmm. I don't like the name Markle. So she changes it when she gets married, right? It'll be Megan Markle royalty. Do they even have last names? I don't know. What's a queen? What's your name? Queen? I think it's like Queen Elizabeth. Queen and his. Yeah. Oh, my God. That would be amazing. Queen Elizabeth Thompson Smith.

Queen Elizabeth Novotny. She. Yeah. She's in a book club. But that bitch is the one who shows up and never read it. She just tries to stay in the conversation so she can talk about her husband. What do you believe? What happened in the plot twist on page 382? I feel like there was no plot twist. You're all excited not to read it.

But it's similar to what Diana did to me. What a little bitch. I know this Meghan Markle. A common American. Gone girl. Just like Princess Diana. Princess Tile's last time I checked. It's not related to me.

We should. Okay. We're off the rails. So. Okay. You're coughing. So that's what that mute is all about. I can tell. So while Roddy coughs, I was actually drinking water. Thank you. I'm sorry to shame your water sipping. You can, you can drink water, not on mute. It's okay. No. Okay, fine. Be that way. I don't want people to know that I need things. I've been drinking water all this time. Not on mute. Hello. Haven't heard it. Nice work.

Thanks. So everyone, so now that like the relay races over the blue team is won, everyone has basically eight minutes to cook their meat, chile, and mushrooms. So everyone's basically doing that. And Claudette, she starts babbling about how, you know, she's the only Mexican making Mexican food. So that's what she's gonna be doing. And I was like, there's something in the way she's talking about this, almost defensively, that makes me think she's gonna get eliminated today.

Also she's saying bah-haw style, which bah-haw get eliminated today. I don't know what it was. I don't know what it was. I don't know what it was saying, Baja style, which Baja fresh is like, I don't know, I feel like that's white people Mexican food. By the way, which I love, I go the role of time. I love Baja fresh. It's so much better, it's totally. Yeah, but don't bring in that word. You know, that's what people think of.

We all know Baja fresh is like, I'm doing it Baja style. Well, you better give me a tiny cup of guacamole for like $1.39, okay, toward a shell glasses. I thought Baja style meant that you asked who let the dogs out. That's a, ooh, ooh, ooh, girl. A little reference to the Baja man, a little 1999 humor or reference to the bear team. Grrr, they were all praling.

The best. Tyler goes, Tyler goes, rough, rough. No, like it's not a, you're not a dog you idiot. It's like, well, I'm not a bear either. I totally missed that. I think because I was like preoccupied on stupid shit, like Adrian and going,

salt, salt, salt, salt, salt, salt, salt. I don't know why it's like, hey, Adrian, how are you doing today? Liberna, damn. What's your favorite color? Liberna, damn. What are you today? Luburnedam. What's your favorite color? Luburnedam. What are you making?

Luburnedam. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts.

Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app.

So it's time for tasting. So Padma and basketball start tasting things. Rohelio's sauce is broken, which, because he's like, normally it takes 45 minutes to make the sauce, and I only have 8. I'm like, so don't make the sauce. What are you doing? You skim milk and cornstarch, duh.

And why is it like, by the way, why is it necessity that if you have mushrooms and beef that you have to make a cream sauce with it, can't you do something else those mushrooms? I didn't like watching them cook with the most boring things in the world, because they all made kind of the same thing, but said it different, right? Yeah, to be fair, they really did not have any time.

They just had to start searing that steak and just cooking mushrooms. I just feel like, I don't know, I mean, I don't have a Michelin star or anything, but I feel like there are other options other than a mushroom cream sauce to make Like, I don't know, but Rohele is coming into it going. I'm not gonna make the shit. I'm making my restaurant I'm gonna try something and if he fails who's like, well, I tried yeah, unlike unlike Smiles over there who's like, you know what I learned to stop making everything I make at my restaurant? Well, yeah, you didn't even invent that stuff. Why would you be making us not fairest cheating? P.S. later on she totally makes something she's made before.

Exactly. So, uh, Troy, uh, Troy, the, Troy guard, uh, he likes, uh, Claudette's, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, that down. There's something like I totally, you know, mommy is the fifth flavor or some or the fifth sense, something like that, but it's the fifth flavor. But and we all love umami. We all love the flavor umami, et cetera. But there's something like really annoying about someone saying, hmm, I really like you, mommy in your sauce. What you're really bringing up the umami flavor for some reason, like I feel like I only want umami to be written. I don't think I want people to ever say it. I wanted it on a hamburger shop sign. Like that's it. What is umami?

I don't even know. So umami is another flavor. It's actually it's kind of abstract and it's hard to describe. But it's it's that it's like neither sweet nor salty nor sour nor bitter. It's it's like that flavor you get from beef and mushrooms like a savory richy earthy. Yeah, it's a description of a flavor. It's not an actual. No, it's actually scientifically proven to be a flavor, but I think because the concept is relatively new, it's like hard for us to wrap our brains around. So there's nothing wrong with this thing

like this brings up the umami in it. It's like the same as saying this brings out the The sweetness in it, but for some reason when people say it or like win choice. I thought it wasn't ingredient No, no, it's like I'm trying to think the other examples usually people cite meat and mushrooms As you mommy like that meaty flavor like you know when you have like an earthy I love mushroom and I love the meat so I totally have a flavor when you have like a piece of meat it's like it's not that it's salty or sour or whatever you know umami well yes it was weird when he was like I love the umami flavor

but then Padma of course topped it she goes I like tarragon Thanks thanks for coming into work today Padma She's like I can taste tarragon tell your friends You are we are such caddy bitches. He said he takes new mommy. She likes tarragon Well, it's just when people When foodies get so serious about food, like at some point in this episode, someone's like, yeah, I made something, something with some salt and pepper.

I'm like, that's not fancy. Stop saying it over and over, okay? You can just say I made you a fucking steak with some cream sauce. Like, you don't have to list everything. And then there's a little grapefruit rind, which we made by taking a grapefruit and you know not a big grater like cheese but a small grater, a small one and just a little just enough it's like

shut up. So at the bottom of the quick fire was Reheli O'enthaler and the favorites were brother luck and fake Jonah Hill and fake Jonah Hill chef Joe Joe, he wins and he gets $5,000 and immunity and a year of a product that's not as good as Hello Fresh. So we won't name it. But hello fresh. Hello fresh. Crappens 30 that's your cap. 30 dollars off. So now let's move on to the elimination challenge. So I'm going to say one more thing. I'm so sorry, but happy Padma is killing me. I don't know what happened to Padma where she comes in. She's just so energetic and happy, but it's hilarious.

She goes, all of you guys did awesome. Who are you? Okay, she must be like the lack of oxygen in Denver is like getting to her head. She's, you know, she's like, when she is looking at the group, she just sees a bunch of balloons. She's like, she's like, oh, how nice. That one's twisted into a giraffe. I love Tarragon.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. She thinks Tarragon is, well, never mind. I was gonna make it some stupid joke that didn't literally made no sense. I would have been so impressed if you had a Tarragon is, never mind. I was gonna make some stupid joke that didn't literally made no sense. I would have been so impressed if you had a Tarragon joke. I would have just dropped the mic and quit my job. Well, I was gonna try to do a Tarragon slash Gone Girl joke,

but you already mentioned Gone Girl. And then for some reason I was gonna make a joke relating Tarragon to Baby Driver, which really makes no sense. Just my brain is going in that way. It's like, let me see if I can do this. I'll look for that next week. Keep working on it.

So chef Alex Sidel comes out and he has long hair and Tyler's like, he's like a Greek god. Now, Tyler, it's Tyler Gay. I mean, obviously a straight man can say that, but he made a few comments where I started to be like, huh, maybe? I hope so. I love when gay guys are like normal and talented

and bald and fat and have glasses. I love that, because it feels like that's so impossible in a gay bar, you know? Unless it's like big fat gay guy with glasses night, which I will go to that night, you know? So the, so Padma reveals that the gang is going to be going to a farm. This guy Alex has a farm and they're going to be going either they're going to make a four course progressive menu and each course must incorporate one specific ingredient. And so I know what you have to wait. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Also this this is how she describes this guy. She goes, Alex bridges the gap between farmer and customer. I'm like, so what? He drives the vegetables to a restaurant. What does that mean? Grows it and you sell it to restaurants. Yeah. Bridging the gap. So, yeah. So as Padmas, I chandalized them with a secret ingredient. It's like like Why why Padma? I just just let them show up and then say guess what you have to incorporate an ingredient So whatever stain gal whatever stain gal has on her terribly patterned dress Will be the secret ingredient for the day. We'll have to wait and see I'm terribly sorry, but we actually can't tell you what the secret ingredient is because if word gets out too early

Gail may get out of her cage and raid the entire supply So she gets very powerful Liberna Dan is like oh my god a four-course progressive. Well, I'm a planer and by the way I'm starting to really like liberty Dan. Oh, no, she's one of my favorites. I'm really liking her now. But what I'm a planner, here's what my mom always says. Proper, pret prevents pissed poor performance. Like what mom does it? It's like, PPPPPPPPPonic device is that? How are you ever

supposed to remember it? Proper preparation prevents piss poor performance. You can't even say it slowly. Like, what are we warming up to do like a Shakespeare? It's like yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather, red leather. Like, what are you warming up my voice? I'm a I'm a planer and planer proper preparation for this. No, mom's need to come up with more easily repeatable things. Well, as my mother used to always say, witty word play when Wonders well without one spring willows in winter. You see your mom would be an asshole if she did that. She'd be like, there he goes again messing it up. The six p's not five.

The six W's been not five clever cooks, count cups in the kitchen. She calls my job, pet pernapan. I don't know why, but she loves peas my mom. So then there's like this really hilariously douchey moment. That's again, just so pretentious. But they're in their cars going to the farm the next day. And Jonah Hill is there with Bruce in the car. he's like he's like you know I really want to do this one dish that to be fair it's like honestly I saw it on your Instagram

Bruce and which is like oh I bet I know which one it is he's like it's the beat annual adi that's exactly what I was thinking of I was like you guys have to relax this is too ridiculous yeah also that's stealing from somebody's Instagram stress I'm not like Bruce's Proofs Instagram. I know Fat Joe was like I saw this thing on your Instagram that I want to make That's kind of stealing It was just like it reminded me a little bit of the end of Top Gun

Which I hope is not a spoiler for anyone. But when I'm a spoiler too late, you can't get about Top Gun now. What was that? What was Val Kilmer's character name? Ice or something like that? Dog. Ice dog is like, I dog dog. Mad dog.

But he goes up to Maverick and he's like, you know, you can ride my tail anytime, whatever. But that's what it was. It's like, I read. Come on, Jonah, you can ride my tail anytime. You make that beat on your loady. That's hot. Yeah.

It was a hot summer was so hot. Oh, take my breath away. Oh, my goodness. That's also when Tom Cruise was so hot too. Tom Cruise is so hot. I think he's still hot. Yeah, considering his well preserved. He's starting to get his fillers.

Yeah, he's got the like macrobiotic diet still at the air one Yeah, but yeah, he's just wearing mom jeans You know, it's like little things he needs to change, but he's still hot Yeah, so back in in another car Claudette is in there with people and they're like, oh, you're so quiet And she's like, I'm quiet and I attack when I need to. I have an astrologer and she told me, it would be good for me here. Like I'm witchy, not the sacrificing animals kind of witchy, just the chola eyebrows when I was a teenager

and purple hair kind of witchy. You know, just a sort of witch that makes someone have to spit up cherry, you know, non-stop in man. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, when she said that that her astrologer said it would be good for her to come on the show, I literally wrote a note that says, okay, she's eliminated. 100% eliminated. Yeah, no, look, if your astrologer tells you that fire them, that is like the most basic shit to say, you're going to do great.

I've asked the fucking guy at the liquor store to tell me that. So they get get the farm and a farm guy who's not as hot as Tyler thinks, but I really like Tyler. So I'm trying to make him hot in my head. I'm like, is he not? I don't know. And he's like, look, here's a whole bed of curd. And I was like, yeah, well, one of them in that hop, but I don't. Yeah, because that, well, because the big twist is they're like, well,

you're here at the farm and I bet you thought it was a farm with produce but guess what? We're a dairy farm and we're the first artisanal sheep deer and creamery in the state of Colorado So artisanal yeah, I think is spray painted by Banksy and we never even see him. He just comes in and leaves You know that there's a difference between our artistic and artisanal, right? But to me, no, not really, because artisanal is some of art artistic blah blah blah. Yeah, good, good. I'm just going into scene of spasms and stuff.

Yeah, just, when all the spails go, good, good. Yeah, okay, since you're not a candle and I can't press the look it up, but could you explain it actually to me? Artisanal a candle and I can't press the look at that button, could you explain it actually to me? Artisanal. Well, I mean, my idea of artisanal, and I'll get the right definition, but I feel like artisanal pertains to like the making of crafts and goods and like handmade and like it's,

so it says artisanal is of a relating to the characteristic of an artisan. So of a product, especially food and drink, made in a traditional non mechanized way. So I think it's not so much about, yes, it is an arc, but it's not about, it's like, it's like, you wouldn't, yeah, I think it's like, you were creating goods. It's basically the junior league Christmas fair

when everybody makes their own necklaces and sells them for too much money. That is exactly, it's our Tisinal necklace. Okay. But then they walk in as you were saying, and there's this giant bat, and just like, it's just like full of white milk. And then, because the cheese guy,

because Alex is the main guy, but he has a psychic who has this beard. It's very hipster, and he's like, yeah, I've recently rented this bat, and they're like, whoa! A bat is cured, wow, is that is that artisanal curd look at that and he starts putting his fingers in it and it puts his finger prints on it I don't really like it but I did like that the guy with the beard was kind of

flirting with Tyler right because Tyler's like yeah curd I love curd and he's like me too secretly he's lactose intolerant he's, I love curd. Yeah. I would by the way as much as as much shit as we're talking if I were in that group I would totally be like whoa also so like I get it. I got fresh goat goat cheese and cheap cheese and all that shit when I was growing up because we live by so many farms. And it was delicious. Haven't found anything like it since. And it was delicious. Haven't found anything like it since. Yeah, I literally just bought pate at the farmer's market last week. So I'm like, I'm one of these, I'm awful too, okay?

Well, we didn't know it was artisanal back then. We were just like, let's be an aunt. Josie is squeezing the milk out and making cheese. Yeah, well, it was hard. I actually really appreciated this because then the group eats samples for different Jesus that this farm makes and one of them was a sheep's milk feta and there has there's this sheep's milk feta that my friend gets from like a two shot that's over like and

it is divine it's the best feta I've ever had in my life and they recently stopped stocking it and I want to find a replacement creamy feta and that's a question, a mission. Honest question, what's the difference between goat feta and sheep feta? I mean, I think it's a flavor thing. I don't know the answer. I imagine it's a flavor of texture. You know, like the way goat cheese is different than like, yeah, like, yeah, crumbly. Yeah, because for instance, the most feta that we know comes like in a block, right? And or it's like, it's like more of like crumbly. Yeah, because for instance, most feta that we know comes in a block, right? And, or it's like more of a crumbly cheese,

but this feta that I had, which would like marinate it in like an oil, it was creamy, it was like a creamy feta, but it tastes like feta. A lot of French feta is also a little bit on the creamier side, whereas like a Bulgarian feta is like firmer and more pickle-lead,

because it's like an brine. Oh yeah, the Bulgarians love their pick Lee shit. Yeah. They love your pick. You never know when you're not going to be able to go to the store for like two months. Like, hey, honey, get out the pickled Feta. Okay. So now this is a team challenge, right? Yeah. So they break up into two teams.

Oh, we, I think we forgot to talk about how Padmas lit up the teams initially. She's like, all right, one, two, three, four, 19, seven, two, 15, 17, 86. When was the declaration of independence? I love Terraghan. They're like, let's just separate ourselves. She really had a look of complete terror on her face. It was hard for her.

It was she like, she blanked. She was like, what the middle point of 14 again, when do I stop counting? You don't get to see her eyebrows come in like that, where she's like terrified. I'm like, oh my god, her eyebrows move. She's like, am I supposed to be doing this as A, B B or am I supposed to be just like the person people to the left? I don't know. Hey Siri.

How am I? Oh, Siri came on. I'm sorry. Whoever I made their Siri come on Siri. So did you mean did you mean to make Siri come on? She said or Siri is going, hey, Syria, how many outs, Syria came on. Syria, Syria, hey, Syria, do you like Tarragon? Here's what I found on the web for how many outs, Syria, came on, serious media. Have a look. Syria, you're an idiot. I hate when Syria gives me serious media. Have a look. Siri, you're an idiot. I hate when Syria gives me web results.

Like I'll be driving and I'll be like, Siri, like, I'll ask a question and she'll be like, all right, here's some web results. I'm like, I'm fucking driving, Siri. You're supposed to say things to me. She can't do it. I'm like, call my dad. Will, which is your dad? Is it Dan something? Is it David something? Like, oh my God,

now I have to talk to this bitch. Just shut up. I dream Siri off on everything. The worst is when you have duplicates in your address book and you say, I'll say something like Siri, call Ronnie and be like, would you like to call Ronnie Karim or Ronnie Karim? I'm like Siri, could you just like put two in your together already? Would you like to FaceTime Ben? Would you like to message B side? Would you like to call FaceTime and reach out and touch him with the phone? Ben B side mandal. It's like shut up.

You're gonna fail whatever you do. Just be quiet. So anyway, now that the teams have have their, they've got their assignment. they break up to start discussing their menu. And the very first thing that happens is basically Claudette has an idea and shoots it down. So it's like, okay, we've seen this before. The woman, I don't even try to be like the do a gender thing, but it always seems to

be that a woman says something and a guy mansplains over her on top chef. It is with chefs though. And it happens a lot with women and women too, because that happens too in this episode. But in this case, it's like, it would say it's like 75% men do it to women on top chef. Yeah, none of the men shot each other down the same way. And that is true in the kitchen. It is really hard to be in a man's world. That is a man's world. You have to get really fucking tough.

And Bruce, who can't even walk across the damn kitchen to get his own meat, is like, well, I don't think a chip goes very well with the sauce of the thing. Shut up, Bruce. What's your hair? How about that, okay? Work with her ideas to team. Yeah. And meanwhile on the other team, someone was like, let's do a soup and handle bars. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no like no, no, no, no, no, soup. It won't look nice. I'm like, are you crazy? Soup always looks nice. Soup presents so well. It always looks fabulous. It's like a beautiful little soup with a thing. If you put a little garnish on top, it always looks great. Yeah, why do you think God invented cilantro, sir? And he's like, you can't

plate soup. You can't plate soup. That's why we have bowls. What is wrong with this guy? Have you never seen a beautiful, see presentation? It's probably one of the easiest things to make look beautiful, because there's one color and it's just in a bowl. It's personal because he has a mustache. He's probably had sometimes where he's got a piece of crab stuck in his mustache and nobody told him.

So then, meanwhile, Laura had said before that she's a pastry chef and she starts to say something about what sort of dessert she wants to do and he's like, oh, Ben yes, we got to do Ben yes, we're going to do Ben yes. She's like, well, what about Ben yes, Ben yes. I was like, I was like, right now, love Laura. He handle bars love Laura, but Laura is one of those who's like, I came here to collaborate, but that's really hard.

Tell him to shut the fuck up. Okay. That's what a chef does. Even Amish was like, he's bossy, but I'm gonna do whatever I want anyway because it's normal for a young male chef to be that way I was like that. Okay, maybe that was normal, but it's still not okay. Tell him to shut the fuck up and then of course he ends up I know with his way sauce. That sounds very unappetizing. Don't trust people with Candle are yes with a handle bar from like the saloon in fucking gun smoke, okay? Yeah, I saw I saw a guy with a handle bar mustache and silver lake last week. I was like You need something and I don't want to figure out what it is, you know

and I don't want to figure out what it is, you know. So, so yes, they go to Whole Foods, handle bar Joe's gonna make way, way sauce, and Tyler starts telling a story about how as a kid, he was like really into Julia Child, and then he like dresses Julia Child once for Halloween or something, and then he liked it so much that he wore the outfit every week. So then that's why I started to think maybe he's gay because he did think the other guy was hot, which I thought was just like a straight dude being like, oh, he's handsome.

But then he started talking about how he dressed up like Julia Child every week as a child. Yeah, but gay guys dress up like fabulous people, not Julia Child. That's like a different kind of. That's no fancy. How do you do? But.

So offense taken on her behalf. It's just like a different, like you don's no. I'm a very good child. How dare you. But no offense taken on her behalf. It's just like a different like you don't watch Julie Childs and you're like, Oh my God, she is fabulous. You look at her like that is a talented woman that I want to learn from, you know. Last time I checked a fact a non-fabulous woman does not get a marital street portrayal. Well she didn't even like that. Did you read the article where she was like, I can't believe people are making this blab blab blab,

fixing it quickly. No, well, she wasn't alive to see Julia, Julia and Julia, but she didn't like the book, the original book. She was alive for that, but she was not alive for the movie. Yeah, you see, that's no lisa. That's why no one like dresses like Julia child a drag. But this guy, he's like, I wore this every week as a kid and then they sewed him in the little outfit

and he has a microwave behind him. I'm like, Julia child is rolling over in her grant or at least tossing and turning, because. No, because she's not, because I have a Julia child cookbook and she mentions microwaves. Oh my god. I'm part of her repertoire.

No. Yes, yes, Ronnie. I'm. Oh my god. Are part of her repertoire. No. Yes. Yes, Ronnie. I am pushing back on all your Julia Child statements. Yeah, they're ignorant. I mean, I just watched her when I was really, really young. I just figured she would be horrified by a microwave. No, no, she uses them here and there,

but it's not, it's not a central part of the, of the, of her ufra. But anyway, that was not the movie, barrel's dream. You lied to me. So, so there's still in Whole Foods and at one point this really pissed me off. Like I was like getting really fired up over stupid shit. As evidence by the fact they're probably only 15 minutes into this episode. So at one point they're in Whole Foods and handlebars goes up to Amish Chris and he's like so the

Beniez and everything. You're still feeling chocolate and Chris is like yeah and he And he's like, okay, I think we should talk about that a little later. I'm like, no, no, you're not going to talk about it because it's not your dish. And second of all, Benyes and chocolate are perfect together. They're fantastic together. That's like the best way to have a Benye. Yeah, I'm like the point. They come usually with the side of chocolate, you idiot. What do you want to weigh sauce with it?

Stupid handle you idiot. What do you want to weigh sauce with it? Stupid handle bar idiot. The best consistent thing about all competition shows are those guys suck the most. They have to control everything and then they end up sucking. Yeah, I think obviously a Vennier could go over with many things, but I feel like pushing back on the chocolate, I think the chocolate, you do that chocolate right, like back on the chocolate, I think the chocolate, it's, you know,

you do that chocolate right, like a deep rich chocolate, like with good chocolate and get some butter in there too. Yeah, that's what, that's what, that's, you don't mess with that. And the bar doesn't even know what a Ben Ye is. You know, he's one of those guys who's like, it's Ben Ye's and then it's like a donut with some whipped cream on it and you're like,

you idiot. It's like when I went to Mohawk Bend and Echo Park once and they were like, oh, we made Ben Yeats, but we used Pizza Doe. And it was like, he's like, chewy as balls. We're like, out of sugar on them. That's exactly right. When you order Ben Yeats in LA,

everybody does their own version. Then say it's like our version of Ben Ye, you know, with the catch of your name. But don't serve me Pizza Doe with some sugar on it. Motherfuck. And this is the one who would do that He will handle bar because clever and he'd probably put on like a mini pizza tray like look It's sort of an homage to like the pizza doughs roots, but it's actually a menu. Yeah, like no, it's not it's a pizza dough He's disgusting, but I love that he was saying that to the omnisky because he's like look

I legit know people who have had that mustache since the 1920s. I'm omnisch, okay? And I know that chocolate works. So say whatever you want, and I will do whatever I want. Clear handlebars. Clear. Also, photos of Young Chris hanging with Marcus Amielsen, and Young Chris was hot. Wow.

Aren't they all with Young? That's true, too. So now that night, they are all back from shopping, and the green team gathers together. And Laura, they are all backed from shopping and the green team gathers together and Laura, they're all just like talking about whatever and Laura's like, so you guys, I was just thinking about this challenge and it's supposed to be about the cheese. So maybe we should like highlight the cheese and everyone's just sort of like ignoring her and then or like Fatima says this

bullshit. She goes, I think I'm that's what's so crazy is that like there's seven of us and we're all so different. I was like, could you listen to Laura please? Could you please listen to Laura? She is your shining light. Yeah, but no one can listen. It's the world of chefs. If you're not forward and strong,

no one respects you, you know? Like she's talented, but she's not gonna stand for it. She's like, oh, where, where, where, like no one's listening to me. And she, what's his best homage? She's like, you know what, where, where, like no one's listening to me. And she What's his plans? Omniscience like you know what I would like you to do like he becomes the teacher for everybody Yeah, like you know what I would like you all to do is just stop worrying about the individual and worry about the team and trust that we'll catch each other and then handle bars like no way I'm not gonna trust anybody if you hear somebody with a strong idea you listen to that person because they know what they're talking about. Well, yeah, you think that

because they're all your ideas. Yeah, exactly. I'm just not there yet. I'm not there where I can trust someone else. I'm like, well, why do you expect anyone to trust you? Yeah, because you are loudest for you. And he says it like he says it out loud. It's like you trust the one who's like the squeaky wheel needs a grease, et cetera, et cetera. Listen, if you got a handlebar mustache in 2017, you are actively working against someone trusting you, okay? So just know that.

Totally. Totally. Still love when someone said he looks like the guy that's tying a girl to the train tracks. That was Chris, he said that. So good. Yeah, I like, I actually like Chris a lot. And I like his, I like his outlook. And I think he seems very reasonable and a good chef.

But where this guy handlebar could have been helpful was with two. Like if he knows he's doing the chops wrong and they don't look right, why isn't he telling him, here's how to do it. So one more. Because two is not a woman. Because two is not a woman.

So, you know, yeah, so we want like, talk down to him. So then the next day, they're now they're cooking for the elimination challenge and Claudette is going to be doing some sort of smoked fish for the first course. And she's working with Adrian and she's like, yeah, we'll let Adrian take the lead because Adrian works at liburn on and. And she's like a great chef. So I was, I'm just going to let her take the lead. So again, bad oh man, that the astrologer clearly did not anticipate. Where'd you hear that she worked at liburn in a band? Just kidding. She says it like five times an episode. Also trout and cheese. Yeah. That even on the food network, they will kick you off in that even on food network star. They're like fish and cheese. No.

I think fish and cheese can work to like crap. Yeah, to the milk crab. I've had like there's a wasn't that what's a McCormick and Schmidt. They have like some crazy fish dish like a stuffed salmon that has like, Bree and scallops on the inside. And it works. It's good. It can work. Yeah, it can work. But on food networks or food shows, it's like a huge rule that everybody says, no fish and cheese, how disgusting. I like tarragon.

So then as they're cooking Fatima chimes in with this just made me laugh because it just felt so pretentious, even though there's nothing. I mean, what she was saying made sense, but it just made me just made me laugh because it just it just felt so pretentious even though there's nothing I mean what she was saying Made sense, but I just made me just made me laugh when I was watching I'm really searching fat right now. Yeah, Fatima goes our team's vision is to tell the story of the cheese Like I get it. It is you have to tell this you have to tell a story through your meal and it's of the cheese But for some reason this like earnest like the story of the cheese. It's the journey. This cheese has gone on A vision my vision board was to make a story and then the story was the story of cheese Look at that here, and then their story is cheese and crackers

Yeah, like well, it's a common story. It's like the Bible like I actually like that. They did cheese and crackers because as long as they're doing the story of cheese, cheese and crackers is like the classic cheese combination. And like, why not make it homage to that? I also like the homage to real housewives of Orange County because they included compressed cucumbers. And I was like, I know a restaurant in Orange County that makes a compressed salad. A compressed cucumbers. We smashed some cucumbers into a mold. Okay, that's what you did, but way to come up with a fancy way. So the handlebar guy is like, there's something smells. It smells like burnt oil. What is it? It's burnt carrots. And two is like, oh no, I don't think it's the carrots. They're

not burnt. It must have come from the back of the pot, which fire the dishwasher because that's terrible. Also to always burns everything, which we're learning. And he's like, handlebar doesn't mean to be mean. He's just a perfectionist, you know, but I got this. I totally got this. And then, uh a handlebars goes, don't worry, the fat will always round out the bitterness. I think actually two said the fat would round out the bitterness, which is, I don't think in life that it usually works.

I usually think the fat, the fat augments it. Yeah, I was gonna say it doesn't work for me. Just look at Tyler. Yeah, so two is like not butchering well, and then he's like tying the butcher string around the meat and Tom clicky I was coming through with this walk. Hey, hey guys. What's going on? Two. Hey, hey, so what do you think of steak? Huh? Where'd you first? What's your journey with the steak? Huh? What's the what's the story of the cheese?

Okay, two. How are you gonna tie the? Padma's not here. So I'll try to do my best Padma. Did you mean to tie this thing like that? Do something something, Dale pattern something, something, something. Hey, you know what? You're not tying that right? I'm not gonna help you, but I am because I'm an actual chef who wants restaurants. So I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna mentor you right now. And he was like, Oh my god. He's tying a knot. Yeah But I think Tom's gonna keep two around because you know I like to like to mentor, you know, yes Yes, yes, and two is so nice and he's cute and I like to so

You're tired of not like he was so over the moon by that tie Oh, you're tired of not. Like he was so over the moon by that tie. He's like, it's so clean. Meanwhile, Laura is making her cracker with cheese rinds from the cheese. And she starts talking about how in Alaska, you know, they have to use every bit like conservation is important

because like she gets her flower from a barge. Literally, she has to wait for the barge to come through the ice flows to get it. And so, and then she goes, you know, I feel like I'm the only chef on top chef this season or really any season that's how to bear in her refrigerator. And then they cut to Tom Clikio and I was like, I see what you did there.

I see what you did there producers. Cut to Tom and a refrigerator, a walk in. Plenty of bears and fridges, honey, but I loved your bear eye soup. Okay, so that was really good. So she liking her. I feel like she does give herself credit and she is confident,

but she hasn't learned to do it in the American overly aggressive way. Yeah. And it's gonna fuck her. Yeah, I like her. I could see her being a character in a sort of like northern exposure type show, you know, like a show. Like she, but like a gritty like a 2017 version that would be on FX where it's like,

oh, look how serious it is in Alaska. Yes. Like she's like, I've left that at one point. She goes, I feel left out and isolated from the group. I'm like, and you're from Alaska. Like, that's really harsh if you feel isolated. She definitely has like scenes where she sits on the fender of a pickup truck with another guy. And they like share like a flask of whiskey and they talk about high school. Yeah, she's like, why doesn't he want to kiss me?

Yeah, is he only here for my Barrett soup too many things have happened. Oh my god Wait save the cabbages save the cabbages I was gonna make him cheat So Adrian meanwhile the last sort of like important part of this cooking thing I mean none of it's really important but the last thing that's notable is that even though Claudette volunteered to do a cold smoked Fish she doesn't apparently know how to do it and Adrian has a teacher and Adrian's like

LeBernodan never LeBernadam me on LeBernadamming. That girl doesn't know how to LeBernadam, to LeBernadam, that's for sure. I mean, she was about to cook the LeBernadam before cold LeBernadamming to LeBernadam. They have so many supplies. Like if you wanna make your trout taste smoked, put some smuck shit on there.

It's a liquid smoke on it. You want to know for kind of a little. They don't know. They don't know. Do you remember last year when someone was like, oh, there's no flower. How will I make my mac and cheese? I'll use cornstarch, and we were horrified. Both of us were like falling on the floor like, who does that?

And Thomba was like, yep, that's the best mac and cheese I ever had. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I could tie another on this. I'll show you how. So the judges sit down for judging and like there was so much tension in the air because clearly Graham Elliott and the cheese farmer guy were having a statement eyewear battle, you know,

like Graham Elliott had like his white glass, white frame glasses. The other guy had like his blue frame glasses and was like, mm, I was gonna make us team it. Graham's like, angry. I think Graham is just angry. He's lost so much weight, he looks great. But being around all this steak and stuff,

he's like, you didn't honor the cheese. You didn't make love to the cheese. Do you know how I would kill to make love to cheese? Like he's getting mad about stupid things. Yeah, so they start to present. So for the first course, the blue team offers up. This is Adrian and Claudette. They do a smoke trout with ketchup, a cora.

And then the green team does that, cheese and crackers with chepers, halo, something another. So Tom likes the cheese and crackers. And then Padma finally, Padma turns to the cheese guy and crackers and then Padma finally Padma turns to the cheese guy and does a classic Padma. She's like, did you think it was smoked enough? It's like no at one point she said I don't taste the smoke Like she was really mad about the smoke. Yeah, I was like what else Simmons in here Maybe she can taste the smoke. I mean you know her. She's always hanging around cauldrons.

Padma went from the happiest person in the world to like, I don't taste smoke. They in terms of like the, the blue team, they obviously they didn't taste the smoke, but they really loved Adrian's chip. That's your major. I mean, a really good chip. So apparently this season is like very chip heavy. Blue team, they obviously didn't taste the smoke, but they really loved Adrian's chip, that she made, she made a really good chip. So apparently this season is like very chip heavy, you know, because last week there was a burnt chip that caused a problem, but this week there's a very lovely chip. So I have to use every part of the cheese.

I have made a price tag chip for you. I hope you enjoy that. Yeah. So then next course, Blue team brings out that beat and your low T with Feta, and the green team does a Ricotta and potato dumpling, which is Carrie's big moment. Did you mean to saute one side of the dumpling? She's like, yes, because I wanted it to be sort of like crispy,

but then doing the other side, and then Tom's like, oh, yeah, I like that sort of like crispy, but then doing the other side and then times like yeah Oh, I like that. I like that. I did that. It's a good choice. It was a good choice You know, completely that's why like stars and one dumpling. I mean, that's great. She's not smiling now So who is this person? We're I like that if you like rotate the plate the dumpling goes from looking like a smile to a friend I like that. I like our headband. Can I just say that right now? Does that count for points? Yeah I just consistently I like it purple. It. Good, not in the back. Yeah. So they love the dumpling. They love Joe and Bruce's enulati. And then now it's time for the next course.

And there's already going to be problems because Tuesday's lamb is all sorts of different temperatures, etc. So the blue team brings out that Tuesday, it's, it's, uh, brings out, um, a lamb loin with spring veggies, which Rohilio does. And then the green team does Tuesday's lamb with, whatever, with the way sauce that Joe made. Well, no one is calling each other out yet until the very end of this episode. No one called mustache out on constantly opening the oven to look at the chops. It's like he has to completely open it to judge them every five seconds to feel better or whatever. Like, haven't you done enough? That's a great point.

Have that mustache. Of course, they're gonna cook unevenly. Like one of the biggest things on top chef is making sure no one opens your fucking oven, you know? Yeah, yeah, I agree. That's like that's a really good point. I wasn't even thinking about that. But you're right. That motherfucker was open up the oven. He's stupid. He's stupid. You're a stupid person. You're a stupid motherfucking person opening ovens all the time. Who do you think you are? And oven opener? oven opener. Yeah, we've seen so many people ruin their lives on top chef when someone opens their ovens. It's true. Have you ever had a wilted pop over, then you don't understand.

And what about the old? Someone turned off my oven trick. Oh, there's a slimy fuck on this. Oh, that's gonna come up. So Tyler and Rahulio's dish, the lamb was raw and the cheese wasn't after thought. So they didn't like that. And then two and Joe, they needed better butchery because basically it was too simple

because it was like a piece of lamb on like a grit. I think it was on grits, right? And they just felt like for something that simple, you need to have expert butchery at times like, you know, the dish just not finished. It's like a lamb just like fell onto some grits And it tasted like cereal and gramps like God I would kill for some fucking cereal right now Have you noticed my glasses? It's kind of my thing

I'm doing it for like five seasons and no one's even said anything about him yet So I just want to point out trying to do a thing here trying to make this happen and then freaking beard over here She has a big glass and y'all like look at the beard over There he's got glasses and cheese and I'm like I've been doing this for five years Look at the semi thin guy with long hair. I guess that's in now. I bet you eat cereal No, actually I bridged the gap between farms and restaurants, sir so then

The blue tea dessert time blue brings out a blueberry tart and the green team brings out fried dough with feta ice cream and Padma is all about it. She's like, I think the green team's dessert may be my favorite ever made on top chef. Such a pity that our dear friend Gail Simmons couldn't be here to eat it, but I guess she got her just desserts. Get it? Her failed show. Ha ha. Wow, this is the best dessert ever in Top Chef history, or maybe it's just because

gal eats it all before I get a bite. So refreshing that we finally get to have more than half a spoonful before gal digs in. I mean, lesser heart. I was mad. I was mad for you because of blueberry. It sounds like gross. That day you bent us like those. Don't you know, Ben's preferences by now. And a friend are you top chef. That is like the nicest thing you've ever said, defending me to top chef. So now we go to judges table unless was there anything else you wanted to comment on before we move it.

Not trying to think of a time I've said something nicer and I couldn't. That's really sad. It's really nice. It was it was as nice as that dessert was good to pad. Although that one chef was like, I don't like it. I'm a little bit of a texture queen or freak. Maybe you said freak, but I read it as texture queen. I'm a texture queen

fine. What does that mean because didn't he just tell somebody he liked their ricotta ice cream? He's like I liked your ricotta ice cream because it should have been grainy, but it wasn't guess why because it was artisanal and I made it. And then he didn't like the dough texture. What's it the dough texture? I think it was the ice cream because the feta I think had like a slightly grainy texture in the ice cream. I think that would be nice. I mean, hello, have you ever had chocolate chips in your ice cream?

Sir. Yeah, they're making like rose water ice cream now gross. They're like, hey, how gross can we make ice cream now? Do you want bacon ice cream? No. I don't. Artistic. Where's ice cream?

Get me some thrifties. The worst ice cream I ever had was lobster ice cream. I had it because the cousins main lobster truck. I thought like they're like, well, you know, because vanilla and lobster is apparently appearing that happens. Lots of it's like vanilla ice cream with lobster. So it's like, I'm open to it. I'll give it a try and it was disgusting. And I'm like, open-minded.

And we went to that. We went to that top chef, just dessert thing where it was crazy desserts and it was worse than all those crazy desserts. Make something with, oh, Padme's not on that. But they're like, make something with baked beans. What was that? I just remember having a falafel panicada. And a chicken skin cheesecake. It was like the episode, of course, Ron and I got to go the episode

when it was like, make a dessert out of strange, savory things. And then like, one of the beauty boys was a judge and Gale was there. And we were like, it was just make a dessert out of strange savory things and then like one of the beastie boys was a judge and gal was there and we were like it was just a very surreal experience. Yeah, it was terrible, but we did learn how terrible everybody was and how good some people were and it was correct the whole season. Yeah, we were really on point. So, remember that? Judgesick P thing that that fake happy person made she's like I'm so happy. Do you like my chickpeas? That was the blophal panic. That was the was the awful panic hot uh the worst who does that so um so it's judges table and Padma she she just started off with like a like a really shady note she's like

welcome to judges table our favorite team had the worst dish of the day so we were in quite a pickle. I mean we weren't literally in a pickle. I think Gail cleared out all our supply of that but bless her hard. You know put anything in a jar of salt and she's gonna go to town on it. She's so simple but so happy. I love her. I love her. Now that I have pickle-shamed Gail, I would like to say another big word. Kanan Drum. I was like, shut up, Adma. It's a big quiet. All right, so basically, no surprise here. The green team wins.

And on the green team, so they start talking about, they start talking to people who are at the top. And they really love Kerry's dumplings. And Kerry goes, this is so ridiculous, she goes, they're like about her dumplings, she goes, you know, normally I do it potato forward, but you know, the ricotta really spoke. The ricotta was like, hey, Carrie, stop smiling and turn me over,

so I'll be even. But she couldn't hear it. She's like, it spoke, but it's so quiet. I'm still not smiling. Can I win? Please, please, I'm still not smiling. Can I win? Please? Please? I'm a local. It's very potato forward. It's a study in potato. It's, I like to do a combination of Russet, New, and Yukon Gold. But this time, the ricotta just spoke. And I was like, I'm gonna do something crazy. I'm gonna do a ricotta dumpling

I I just feel like it's there. I'm seeing it. I'm speaking to it. I'm commuting. I'm I'm having Sexual moments with the ricotta and my in the link my potato forward dumpling was the only one that had locals surrounding it cheering it on Why I don't know. Well, the people here in Colorado are very pro potato forward dishes. So, you know, naturally I went that way. They're like, have you made this dumpling before? She's like, yes, yes, I've stolen this recipe from the restaurant I worked at, which is not LeBernard Anne, but hopefully my lack of smiling will overcome that. It's very me forward.

LeBernadam, I wrote this next. LeBernadam, LeBernadam, LeBernadam. And then I wrote LeBernadam Peters because I was like, that's actually bringing Bernadam Peters back into my life. So I like this girl now. Oh, yeah. So, um, so then, uh, they, you know, they praise everyone and the judges get to two and Joe and they're, you know,

Tom says that limb dish was not very good, not very good. And two has this hilarious defense. He goes, yeah, we, gosh, we wish we had a structure, the diner would there, with their hands. And Tom goes, what would that have done? Would that make him, he's like, would that make it better? And he's like, yeah, because it would have made it fun, you know, and you need, you know, we go, he goes, he goes, for us, it would have been an American nostalgic thing. I'm like, okay, please, this is not potato forward, okay?

Raw lamb is a raw lamb, they're eating with your hands or not. Sorry, so he's following, he's like, American nostalgia before the fork. Like, no. No, I'm sorry. And also if people ate it with their hands, they'd cut themselves on the shards you left on the bones. You know, it's not making excuses. Blame handlebar.

Yeah, I like you too, but saying that it would have been better if you ate it off the bone, and it was like, it was a nostalgic American experience, you know, land the forward. No. Yeah. And nostalgic American experience is unhealthy. We all had hard attacks at 20 years old and we don't need to go back there. Okay. Next time make a better lamb chop. How's that too? Oh, it's so good to laugh again. So the winner is... The winner is Carrie for her dumpling, which is a nice turnabout.

You made a huge effort not to fully smile with her teeth. Like she really learned. I'm proud of her. And she's like, oh my god, I did this for the community because I'm a local. I'll bet there's people right outside the door cheering for me and nobody else. I don't know why but I'll take it. The bottoms the bottoms were sad because Rojaleo had a moment in this which we talked about last week where he's like as a Mexican immigrant. It's harder, you know, you have to work your ass all the way up from the bottom. You have to learn a new language. Like it's hard to become an actual chef and I want to show other Mexicans that you can fucking do it, you know. So when he's like, well, you know, I didn't like your, uh, what didn't he like? It was, I felt like it was. It was undercooked. It was undercooked and the cheese was not well integrated. Like there was no story of the cheese and it was, and it was clearly not cheese forward.

You see in America we have little prints. Just say that the cheese went on the journey and he met a bunch of animals and then learned something about himself, you know. Okay. So then Padma she then turns to Claudette and Adrian and she goes, and both of you are pleased with your dish. And Claudette knew what's coming. She's like, it's not my fault, it's her fault. She made me do it. Yeah, I just, I had another idea in mind and then she came to me and I said, okay.

And Tom's like, why, why would you let her do that? She's like, oh, because she's bossy and horrible. LeBernadam, LeBernadam. LeBernadam, LeBernadam. And then Claudette starts speaking borderline gibberish. She's like, but I rescinded the opinion that it should be cooked raw. Like, it was like she was like, I'm under attacks.

I'm gonna try to formalize my language. Yeah, she's like rescinded and then Padma's like, Kanan drum, Tarragon. She's like, okay, you win. Tom's like, you're tortoise show glasses are really stupid and I don't like that you blame somebody else. So you're not a team member and you need to go. And even when she got kicked off, I mean, I don't wanna make you blame somebody else. So you're not a team member and you need to go. And even when she got kicked off,

I mean, I don't wanna make fun of somebody sobbing, but I will. So she's sobbing and she's like, I'm one of the best people in there and it's not because I'm egotistical. It's because I have heart. Yeah. Guess what?

No you don't. You just try to get somebody fired. Yeah. I love hearing in Echo of Me? Oh, sorry. Did you take out your headphones? I rolled back to get more water and it pulled out my hands. It pulled your hands. On my back.

It pulled the head about that. Did you mean to make me echo throughout the podcast? I did. What if Gell actually answered Pat but it's questions. Did you mean to make it so salty? So that was this week's episode of Top Chef. We still have not heard back from Ariana, so we don't know where she's at right now. But why don't we switch gears real quickly to talk about the below deck reunion?

We want to just sort of talk about like our favorite moments from it or that your big takeaways, you know, okay? Yeah, we'll do a short one because look, when they put your reunion on what what happens live, we're gonna do a full thing. That's not fair. Yeah. A, it's not fair to you guys that they did that. And B, it's not fair to us. I don't like watching people sit on stools. It's uncomfortable. Yeah. Exactly. And they also breeze through everything so quickly. It's awkward. Like even the first thing that I noticed was right in the beginning was, well, first of all, I liked the way Kate said hello to Andy. She's like, hello, Andy. You ever was like, hi, Andy. He's like, just like, hello. But the way you can, I mean, it's so awkward, the way they breeze through the topics so quickly because Andy's talking to Baker He's like, so I heard something crazy that your Thomas Ravenel's cousin is that true?

She's like, well, actually, he's my step uncle. He's like, whoa step uncle. She's like, yeah, wow Sonico You have spread your brother's ashes over the ocean I hear I'm like what's on What's your transition is that it's like hey you got new boobs Your mother's day dying of cancer. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa Slowly slowly, but also you can tell the difference in the every below Decker Union between the service people and The deck people right because the service people you can be like, right? Because the service people, you can be like, you killed a baby on national TV.

And we're used to getting yelled at. So we're like, yes, I did, but it was only to serve you. And I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy. If I could do it in another way, I would. But unfortunately, you reflected your opinion with the low tip, and I accepted that. I didn't complain. So thank you for coming.

Please take a minute on your way out. Thank you. Like, you can't catch them take a minute on your way out. Thank you. Like you can't catch them, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. But the decks like fuck you. I mean it. I had no regrets. Yeah. I love that girl on TV. Who cares? I needed it. So I think one of the things that was surprising to me was talking about people's work ethics, etc. I was surprised that EJ kind of stood up for Chris Brown saying that he had a really good work ethic, because Chris Brown declined to go to the reunion because he just didn't want to.

And then Bruno couldn't be there because he had a visa issue, LOL. So, uh, he's like hashtag workout, hashtag man, hashtag gene, hashtag Ellen de generus. Hashtag. I'd like to be in G string for passport photo. So, um, got a bad banana. I was surprised that EJ called Bruno entitled, you know, obviously we know that Kate doesn't like Bruno, but I was a prize that EJ had those vibes. I was too, and that he said it. And that he had a spray tan. Like there was a lot happening with EJ, I was confused about. Yeah, a lot.

Bruno is entitled, like we like Bruno. I think we could both agree that we like Bruno, but he is one of those kids. He's like, oh, oh, this is hard. You know, and he's not wrong. It is hard. And he is tired. And he did have a scratch, you know, that sucks. But you're just supposed to get past it. Like, you know, not playing on. Exactly. I also thought an interesting moment was when Captain Lee was talking about whether or not he would have given Nico the boasting the both of promotion had he known Nico's behavior and he's like absolutely not. That was some childish behavior and whether you're doing something like that sets a Monday

morning quarterback and hindsight 20, 20 date line 48 hours full shit. And Megan Kelly in the morning crap right there. You just did. I'm gonna go through every damn TV So I've ever seen That's some hoda-cat me and I say take out the hoda-cat part and just leave the beef for a bitch She's a little bitch. How about you keep hold on get rid of that drunk Kathy Lee. How about that? You'll have half a chance I didn't even see that on camera But and I liked what he said there though because Niko said, well, you know, I saw myself and then later I regretted it because Niko is someone who will probably, you know, cheat the rest of his life. Like he's cute, he's horny, he's going to have to have an open relationship at some point. But a lot of the stuff he got caught on was when he was drunk or whatever, you know, and so when he gets caught, he's

like, I'm sorry. I'm just taking off time to spend with my family, like he's a mayor or something. Right. And so the captain was like, you don't get to just say, I'm sorry. Like sorry, he's great. But in the moment, it's when it matters, the power of now, holding Kathy, not taking her out, open. No, no, no more. Okay, I need less gal, Nico. Who brought goddamn more, a povich into this? Did someone just throw a folding chair at the lady with the red glasses? Sally just Jesse Raphael? All right, Jenny Jones, what are you doing here now? Huh? No, no one invited you here, Jenny Jones. No one invites Jenny Jones anywhere because someone

committed suicide. It wasn't her fault. It was in for give justice for Jenny Jones. I love her. Yeah. Now that girl, that girl will get a job. Okay. She knows she knows something. Okay. She puts on a shoulder pads and she gets the bottom of it. If you commit suicide, you weren't strong enough to be on this surface anyway, okay? That person who committed suicide, not a yachtie. I'll tell you that. We probably shouldn't be laughing about someone who committed suicide.

So it's not a real person. It only counts if they're real. Yeah, exactly. Richard, I mean, I'm Richard. Bree, she's in love, but she hasn't, but she's hanging out with a guy and they're not dating officially, but she thinks she's in love, so that's exciting.

That's so breezy too. And everybody at home is like, oh, he's married probably. And he's like telling you, I'll meet you in New York for a night. But I like that she kept, she kept to it. She was like, look, I'm not mad. I knew it was casual. If I had deep feelings, I would be mad,

but I don't really care. And he's like, well, you did know that he had a girlfriend. So I didn't know it was that serious. And then he goes, like, yes, you did. You saw me on Instagram. Yeah, he was like, we were just, we was there to come for me. I needed the comfort. I'm Yeah, he was like, he was like, we were just, we, Bree was there to comfort me. I needed the comfort.

I'm like, that sounds like sex. She's like, he's like, with that hotel, we, we actually just like talk for hours and she was there to comfort me. I'm like, so you're talking that sex. Okay.

We just talked. We just, with the upiness and you have a join up. Okay. Yes. And he has so much pride anyway. He's like, look, I'm not sorry. I don't regret it. He said anyway. He's like, look, I'm not sorry.

I don't regret it. He said that. He's like, I don't regret it. Melissa wasn't there. And I needed comfort. Yeah. It's not a blame. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think I think Nico would have been honest though, to be fair, if I actually believe them when they said they were just talking because he's single. He's got nothing to lose. He's like, yeah, we've owned, you know, I thought what was weird was after all this talk about Barcelona, the cab ride and Barcelona, that like they didn't even kiss and that all that happened that Nico made like,

like overtures at, at Brianna and then that was it. I was like, that's like, that's bullshitting. They made it seem like it was like some sort of like, Moulin Rouge happened in the back seat, you know, like there was a trapeze and people throwing money and seeing salt. That is some bullshit they fought. And why is that the worst thing? Like, we know already, you're saying you don't regret it in all this. So if you can stand up for that, who cares? Like, what do you think that's the thing? But then again, Melissa was like, okay, I'm

not going to forgive you for a long time. I'll see you at the airport. Yeah. Um, I liked what Andy asked Kate about hot Jesus. He's like, how is hot Jesus? She goes, hot, kind, intelligent, Swedish. Love signer. Like what more do you want? Also, Kate's hair.

We give Kate shit about her hair. What I do every season. Great job. I don't know if they're extensions or weave, if it's so non, I don't even care. Beautiful, beautiful work. Yeah, very nice. One thing that made me laugh a lot was when they went to commercial break at one point, they're like, still to come and they show Kyle, they're like, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look,

look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, all dudes and you know, when it's all dudes, you're like, it's like Catholic school. Remember, that was fine. He's like, well, I've seen a lot of things, Andy. But I'm not when you

did. Just my food. You did to me. Oh, dick. Oh, also Bruno, when he was on the video thing, and he's like, so are you finally officially out of the closet now that you're marrying a dude on Instagram and hashtagging Ellen to generous and he's like well You know if that's what you want to label it. I'm in love with a person. I'm in love with a person who happens to have a penis soul So we need to label it. Okay I feel it. I'm engaged to a beautiful heart and a beautiful person and it happens to have a penis and a man and male Knuckles so if you want to say gay then I guess I'm gay that's fine You can see his beautiful heart in the shape of a nice don't ask on Instagram, which we post every day

Now I have to say by the way I thought Andy was really killing it with the dumb yacht puns. Even at the beginning of the show, he's like, I got a lot of yacht puns to get through. And they were great. Like, I was actually, like, laughing, like, well, chocolate-ling fray, every single one, because I love a good pun. But I do think that the one where he introduced Bruno could have used some more. He's like, he spent the season trying to learn the ropes, but he wound up getting burned by ropes. Yeah it's two ropes in the sentence. Yeah it doesn't work. He should have been like, hey Bruno may have, uh, uh, may, uh, Bruno may be used to being on cruise control but can he start over from scratch? Oh that hurt. It's still hurt. I was surprised.

Well, what was surprising to me is that after a season of Kate and Jen being at each other's throats, that they were very complimentary to each other. And they pretty much were saying that their friends and Kate seemed to really like her and was like, yeah, no, she's hilarious. And you know, they it was a little bit of a love fest, which I don't think anyone was expecting. Well, look, you can't punch a baby. You know what I mean? Like the baby is going to cry. It's going to poop itself. You can't just punch it. I think Kate is coming from that kind of place. Like,

yes, she's an idiot, but you know, who wasn't? Takes a long time. I would work with her again, not on a yacht, or in a store, or on a spaceship, or in a bank, really anywhere bank really anywhere, but you know, she was funny. Her mind was great. Do you remember how she made a glass house and it had walls that would come out at different parts? I mean, that was an intricate house. It had a smart TV. I mean, I like Jen.

So, I'm kind of thinking the other things that struck me, um, uh, I thought they could just rehash things, but in a very like low key way because they had learned to process them in a nice way to a way. But I did love the captain because he just had something nasty to say about everybody. They're like, would you hire Jen again? No way. Okay. Uh, do you still like Cheerios? Too hard to open. Fuck those

things. God damn it. What do you think about Chris Brown? Waste the skin. Alright. I'd like when Bruno and Kate have a low level tension between them And the question is Bruno, do you respect Kate? And he's like, oh well, I tired, but I respect everyone. But when people don't give it back, when they don't respect me, then I have a hard time giving respect to her. You know, and he's like going on and they cut to Kate. And she's like, I'm just gonna stare at something

in the ceiling at a slight angle right now to convey my frustration with this idiot. Yes, he's like, well, you're on Skype. And I'm in gonna stare at something in the ceiling at a slight angle right now to convey my frustration with this idiot. Yes, it's like, well, you're on Skype and I'm in the clubhouse, so there you go. Maybe I would have had my visa in order for the reunion, but that's just me. I'm just gonna keep looking at that light up at the ceiling. I respect the heart, okay? He's mad because he couldn't make any more ice cream balls. It's so silly.

But also hilarious. And I like that they got him on Skype. Yeah. I liked also Matt. Matt had this like very chewy disposition when they were talking about Kate and, uh, Kate and Jen and like they're bickering and Matt was like, oh gosh. No, no. These two were having so much fun.

Oh gosh, yeah, no, they're great. They were just really lovely. Wow, you really do, you really are Canadian. Yeah, they cut out a lot of the parts that made sense, you know, so it just looks like it's bickering, but I'll tell you, that kitchen was fun. And he's like, but what about the bananas foster slam? He's like, I deserved it.

Well, what about Kate saying all that mean stuff about you? He's like, well, you know, that's learning. Not all teachers are nice, OK? Sometimes the bell to cross your back will make you a better man, OK? So thanks. I would like to thank Kate. Thank you, Kate.

She's like, you're still an idiot, and I appreciate you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you. The best part to me was when Kate goes, look, I am a bitch sometimes. It's okay. You can say it I'm allowing you to allow my bitchiness to come in to you Kyle was just trying to be a housewife if you're stalled with that

You're in jeans, okay? Why are all the girls in ballgowns and all the guys are in jeans? For example, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, Kyle was going off about the matter. So he's like, it's cold man, this woman has known, I'm like, okay,

she's stuck a fork into your gravy. It's annoying, but the fact that you just did not eat any of the food at all, that's actually wasteful. And I think that's more disrespectful than someone who's stuck a fork and you're braiding That is disrespectful to the artisan farmer. Yeah worked a bridge to get that to this high-lancer Yeah, that's kind of all I have I loved the season of below deck, but I feel like below deck is so good at taking care of the drama on the spot, you know. Right, and I think what's hard is that they all have to be like professionals, you know, because they have to be they have to work on yachts

So they have to they kind of have to be professional at all times. They really can't get too nasty on these shows So yeah, like there's a little harassment question Kate though with the internet went crazy because you didn't protect Jen from being sexually harassed by Mrs. Roper or whatever. And she's like, look, it's service. What are you gonna do? Beat her with a baseball bat. I mean, we're used to it. I gave her a rape whistle and it was decorative.

And the one that she had. Really sad, though. Yeah. Oh my goodness. So yeah, so Blow Deck is done, but Blow Deck Med is coming back soon enough. Very excited for that. I love Blow Deck. Yeah, I was a good season. It was a fun season. And also Kate Chastain's final after the deck or after deck podcast is up this week for the season,

the final one for the season. And it's with Mr. Captain Lee. God. Oh, God. Damn it. Yeah, so go give that a listen because you know he ain't gonna hold back. Listen, because you know he ain't gonna hold back. He certainly won't. He's Captain Lee. Yeah, that's right. You little tiny boat's getting him a god damn way. Well, I'll tell you one thing. All to talk about food and yachting has made me starving, so I'm going to go try to find something to eat. This was a really fun way to end the week. I feel like this episode must have been like two hours long.

This was a big one. Was it two hours long? It's 135. When we don't stop. Now that we're doing one actually every day, we'll still talk for three hours. Well, to be fair, Top Chef was super sized and we covered two shows. And we did an area, is Ariana mad Maddadas and did Ariana respond? No. She must really see me sleep. We went out. Okay. We're like, bye, bye, bartenders, bye person who's cleaning up the tables.

Well, we will update everyone to find out whether or not Ariana is still mad at us. Everyone we love you. Thanks for supporting this show. We will see it the live shows. Wine glasses are back at Amazon and pint glasses should be up by the end of the weekend. Mugs, coffee mugs, t-shirts. Oh, fantastic. Fantastic.

Yes. And we're going to have some limited items month to month starting in the new year. If you want to go to that Amazon store, just go look on watchbookcrapins.com. Where else would you be? A Amazon itself. Nope. Watchbookcrapins.com,

because then you'll also see show dates, our pictures, Jeff Lewis making a crazy big lip smile. I mean, it's all there. We love you guys. Have a great weekend. Bye, everyone. I mean it's all there. We love you guys. Have a great weekend. Bye everyone! Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about

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