Watch What Crappens - Top Chef: Heeere's Padma!

Episode Date: February 10, 2018

Top Chef goes to the hotel from The Shining this week, and Padma is terrifying. This week's bonus is a rundown of the Super Bowl Halftime show and a quick catch up on Married to Medicine. To hear it, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens ***Crappens Live is coming to NYC, Chicago, Phoenix, Irvine, DC, Detroit and Houston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends

That's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends You can also find us on social media on Twitter. We're at what crap ends on Instagram and Facebook at watch what crap ends We'll see you there I have cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cr Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors! Kristi, why were you dourty? Kelly, rawr, Barlow! Our kind of mess, saying? Just saying? Megan, you can't have a burger without the burger! And also our super premium sponsors.

Our lucky little grandtopper, Kelly Grant! And Lizzie Drucker, she's a fun mother f- We love you guys. Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crap, and it's podcast. The podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on Yale Browns. I'm Ronny Kerram from Trash Talk TV and the Rose Prix Bachelor Rost. And here I am with Ben Mandelker, the B-side blog in the Banta Blender, who's also handsome, gorgeous, and very touchingly sweet friend to me. Oh, well, hello there, Ronnie. That was so lovely. What a nice introduction on a fair Friday afternoon.

Wasn't that the nicest thing you've ever heard in your life, Dad? It was like so nice. It was beyond nice. It was actually, it was like the perfect way to set up this Friday because this is a joyous, joyous day because not only is it Friday, but you know, people are celebrating their birthdays. People like Jill Nail, Jill Nail is celebrating her birthday. And Nicole Cider, Cedar, Satire, she turned 40 today. I mean what a day to be alive Yeah, between Jill and Nicole is like everyone calm down with the babies, all right cuz we're a lot of birthdays. Yeah, makes me want to go Makes me want to go buy something also. I'd like to say thank you to Holly McCabe for sending us beautiful little presents You little sweet heart from mobile Obama

us beautiful little presents, you little sweet heart from mobile Alabama. Yeah, and I just want, I think she was from Mississippi, but you know who knows, but you know what though, I just want to circle back to our birthday ladies and give them the birthday treat that they deserve. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. And this is what they sound like at home. This is what they sound like at home. Happy birthday to you.

I'll play that. Everyone greets their car dealer. I'm going to play the hell out. I'm just never going to stop playing their car dealer. I'm gonna play the hell out I'm just never gonna stop playing those two clips. I just over and over and over again. Um Do I sound okay in this microphone because Skype is like there's a Yeti stereo microphone detected start using this device Yeah, stupid Yeah, you sound great Okay, and that's all that matters. You stupid Skype.

Try it. Stop trying to freak me out on a podcast day. You dumb Skype. Skype. You don't Skype. Skype. I mean, what an exciting time for this podcast. Watch your crappens.com is where you go to get, you know, follow us on social meds, OBS. It's also where you get tickets to our live shows. We got Houston coming up around and I have we're are have just Been in the thick of booking our hotels and stuff in Houston and Detroit. Those are our march shows Houston and Detroit Come why you tickets right after it's the very beginning of April I know but DC is sold out so we don't have to bother people with showing Okay, well the other ones go to them

Houston is gonna be dinner party from hell, so it's going to be amazing and we'll have it all to be going away. So that's going to be a super fun one. Also, we've got merch, t-shirts, coffee mugs, all that good stuff. Just got to watch it at crappens.com. It's all there on the page. Darling says a calendar. Yeah, it's going to Wow. It's gonna be great. We're excited for both Houston and Detroit. Detroit as no one says it. So that says.

So that's gonna be exciting. You know, and before we jump into Top Chef, I have some things I just want to say about other TV shows I've been watching in the past 24 hours. First, this sort of has a remote link to our podcasts to Bravo. So it's sort of, I feel like we can talk about it for a second. Celebrity Big Brother, have you watched? No, I have not watched. And you know what, it's, of course, I love Big Brother, but I didn't know it was starting, then it started. And then I press

record on the thing, and it's like three episodes or something, so it was starting, then it started. And then I pressed record on the thing, and it's like three episodes or some shit already. Is it every day because no, okay? No. It's been two episodes. It's so good. It's been every day, and it's on tonight too. Yeah, it's nice to two hour episode. But so far, it's been really good. Of course, the connection is Brandy Glanville, former real housewife of Beverly Hills, was on it. So it's just barely fits under our crap in Zambraela. We're not going to be recapping it necessarily. We'll probably keep tabs on it. It's only going to be a three week season, but I'm really into it so far. Of course, obviously, I love Big Brother, but it's good. It's really good.

Okay, I'll check it out over the weekend. Whatever. I did watch, um, altered carbon on Netflix. I watched the first one of those. It's like the new Netflix show and that's pretty good. It's the guy from the killing and household cards, like that hot guy who talks really funny and so I can't tell if he's a terrible actor or not, but he's so cute and like he's so dumb looking and it's kind of like Blade Runner. He's like, I don't know if I want to be like a sci-fi detective. But you just know what I'm going to. I'm like, okay, is that an accent? Is that a white person dumpers an accent? I don't know how he's talking, but I'm into it.

There was like a little bit of Alexia Akivera in there. Yeah. Like, I don't know. Like, oh, well, you know, Peter, he's like been reanimated and like he's altered carbon, but he's also an artist. So like Peter, like his body's great, but his sleeve is better. You know, he could change his sleeve.

I'm like, oh, OK, OK. Oh, well, you know, Peter, like he only hit the taxi because he was in different sleeve, you know? He's like a rapper, but like he's also an artist and like altered carbon. I don't even know what's about. But either way, can we get a rapper with a better sleeve? Because you know, you know Peter.

Oh, well, you know Peter. Um, uh, I watched something on Netflix too, which, which has more to do with our podcast. Um, it's a, I watched the first episode of the reboot of Queer Eye for the straight guy, a seminal Bravo show that we also advertised. Yeah. It was good. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's funny how it's different. It's funny how gayness has changed since that show

first game. Is it funny or is it queer? It's actually still funny, but what's, what's hilarious is that the original Fab5, they would be like nuns compared to these guys. There's the hair guy, he has his long hair, he's like stylus or whatever, or personal hygiene, hair, care, skin care, whatever. He is like, yes!

Yes! Oh my God, girl. Oh, she is dry and she is long talking about the guy's beard like she he's he's He's so over the top of the first I was like, oh my god, but then I of course I grew to love him and they're all kind of like I'm gay of thrones Is he really yeah? He's hilarious those videos are historical Yeah, he is real and hysterical okay, because at first I was like, okay, this is too extra, you're trying too hard,

but then I was like, no, he's actually hilarious. Karamo is on it, formerly a real-world Philadelphia, and like general gainess. And he is good, he's like, you know, on the real world Philadelphia, which of course was like 16 years ago or 17 years ago, he was very sullen, which may have been part of just being on the real world and MTV and being younger, but he was very vibrant and had a lot of personality and warmth, which was nice. Maybe

not also they're like, be gay or be gay. Come on, we're going to take that again. I need all of you to just be way gayer. Okay. Let's reroll it. Re-roll it. What I was going to say, he gets stuck in that weird role. He's the culture, which I was thinking, like, maybe this will be more defined than when Jay Rodriguez was on it, because I remember Jay Rodriguez. He didn't really have a role. He was just like pretty and would sort of fill in the gaps. My only memory, the only thing I remember Jay Rodriguez, he didn't really have a role. He was just like pretty and would sort of fill in the gaps. My only memory, the only thing I remember Jay Rodriguez saying that was semi useful was he was like, hey, do you have a sticker on your CD because

remember when you'd buy CDs and they don't have that sticker, you know? You know the sticker, it's how you couldn't open the CD thing, you had to take the sticker off, he's like, just find a table and scrape it along the table The sticker comes right off where you know and I swear to God that's great to think that like you're the only person who knows that like Here's what a gay person's gonna teach you how to get off a CD sticker Come on gay people raise the gay and by the way I've used that trick so many times that it never works and every single time I'm like fucking J. Rodriguez Well mine was the grooming guy because the grooming guy, who was like the cute one or whatever. He's like okay guys when you shave it's very important that you shave in the direction

that your hair goes okay. Yeah. So you shave down. Who does that? You don't get any of your face clean if you do that. You do that first and then you shave again. Go the other way. So you get it fucking clean. I was like how does this guy not know how to shave it's the gay and he's like big half a lot of your face like if I shave like he my

hair is going all different directions I cannot do it would yeah you're just like crazy that advice. I thought I seem to remember him saying you go in your direction of your hair and then you do the the second pass you go up. I actually think that's the gay. That's the gay remind trust me. I may not remember many things, but I watched every episode of that and I would throw something into TV every time he said it. Well, this one, the home day core guy, he was good. Like, he did a really nice job in this guy's apartment. The fashion gay, his name is Tan. I have some concerns. First of all, he has an adorable,

sounds like a Liverpoolian accent. He's like, no, it's the time when really going to go to your closet. If we could have seen a lot of good ups, it's like weird because it's like a Liverpool but something else in there. But he made, he, he, he, his choices, I, I, I question.

There was a, there was like a form, there was like a black suit that looked kind of front-beat to me. And then there was an age inappropriate layering situation with like a t-shirt and like a, looked almost like a, arrow post-al, like short sleeve button down t-shirt open over it. I was like, hmm, and this guy was like 60.

But that being said, I'm not really ever sure. And it's really hard, I think, in this time to bring queer eye back because straight guys are ready or kind of gay guys. It's, there's not as wide as a line especially when it comes to fashion because like straight guys now are like that's where really tight suit pants that are short that are too short you know like the what do they call those like you expect in the flood like when you're a kid but high water waiters waiters waiters I think they're called high water so that's what

we caprice yeah cigarette pants whatever as you will So they're already kind of dressing like that so sometimes I think the show the old show used to be like Hey, guess what straight guy take a shower and put on some deodorant once in a while and your girlfriend I'll make out with you more and then they did and then they got a scented candle for the living room and the girlfriend would cry and step Yeah, you I mean, I don't know a world you're living Ronnie, because there are a lot of straight guys who need a lot of assistance. And a lot of gay guys. Yeah, you're like, you're like, honestly, you're like, man, honestly, like everyone dresses well these days. I'm like, you're in West Hollywood. Okay. Well, I mean, but see the gay is who've gone the other way because now they've got, now we've got gays like me who work crocs and socks and old Navy everywhere. And so it's like, oh no, now we need Queer Eye for the Queer Guy or, you know, like,

Metro Sexual Guy for the Swapi Gay Guy or whatever. Just go to Vegas, Ronnie, and you're gonna reverse your tune. Okay, you're gonna see a lot of golf polos being worn as formal wear. So like, you know, it's just don't worry. There are still plenty of straight men that need a fix in. Anyway, I thought the show was good and it was interesting Like, you know, it's just don't worry. There are still plenty of straight men that need a fixin'. Anyway, I thought the show was good,

and it was interesting because it had a different look to it, and since it was Netflix, you could hear them curse. The guy was like, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, fuck! Like all the time, and it was kind of cool. So, I recommended it was actually really sweet, and I'm gonna watch the other episodes.

But we're looking all that. We look at all that TV we watch. That means we're having very productive times in our lives. Yes, I'm looking at the cast right now. I'm talking to him. Frank's. He's not cool. My name is Tom France. I've got black hair and gray hair. Yeah, Tana's name is Tana. Tana, what was I calling him, Tom? Tom. Tom France. That's what you like to do. I 10 10 France. What was I calling him Tom Tom Tom France? That's what the block the Dan France. Yeah, I I When it's out of style and then

He can't suggest wearing tan to anybody. I wonder if tan is a bottom or a tope Get it get it. All right, let's move on. Speaking of toope. Tope Chef. We're here to talk Tope Chef today. You know, because as long as we're talking about, you know, the the the icons of Bravo, Queer Eye, BeGat, Project Runway, BeGat, Top Chef. So Top Chef is still surviving on Project Runway, still surviving too, just elsewhere. So no, no queer, there are no queer eyes for Bruce, okay? Bruce is still just shuffling along. He still hadn't combed his damn hair or washed it.

I smell him from here. Yeah. And he opens this episode. He's doing that thing. The two older chefs, Bruce and the Amish guy, Amish Chris, they're like, Hey, guys, here's my advice for the young people. Like every time they go back to the stew room, they're like, guys, you know, sometimes you steam things and sometimes you, you, you fry them, but, you know, if it's not spice

strike, it's like, okay, old people, shut up, nobody asked you. You don't get to talk just kids are old. So Bruce starts and he's like, guys, it never gets easier. It's only going to get harder. Well, thanks. Great. Thanks for clarifying Bruce. And he says this thing that was so obnoxious. He goes, he's like, you know, I've been cooking for a lot longer than most of the chefs here. And like, people may think that gives me an advantage or something. But the truth is they don't realize that it's intimidating for me that I'm not doing better. Oh, shut up. Yeah. You're intimidated by your own failures.

No. He's like, I can't win anything and my hair won't rinse clean. So I thought he was going to start. I thought he was going to say, no, I'm intimidated by them because they're young and they're fresh. They have outside the box ideas and they have more energy. But he's like, you don't understand how intimidating it is for me to make mistakes like this.

Like, this is how horrifying that I'm not doing as well as I should be doing. Yeah, it's sad every time that Bruce, I feel like I should like Bruce, but I just can't. Like he makes me crazy. And everything he says pisses me off. And last week when he was partnering with Fatima for the Super Bowl, whatever,

he told us a million times, I don't know about nachos. How do I fit into that? Yeah, or regular clothes or whatever And then this time he's like, you know, Fatima. She sure bifted on those nachos. It's like I told her with my tone Your tone doesn't fucking count Bruce. You're helpless, you know, yeah, you said that they were good nachos. You misled her Yeah, and then you've got Luigi my other favorite over there He's like, you know what my dishes has been pretty much sucking Every challenge, but you know it's because I'm just not being me. No, it's not you're being you

You are being you you are like arranging your crystals and forging for you know Chrysanthemums or something and it's annoying. It's annoying at this point with a handlebar mustache Yes, gross. So that's pretty much where everyone's at at the beginning. Um, Amish Chris is like, my dreams, my what it's a, to one, the Super Bowl. And two, I want to have the first Michelin star for soul food. I'm going to break through that mac and cheese ceiling. Yeah, push through. He talks so slow. I'm like, get a fire under your ass, Amish Chris. Come on.

Yeah, as soon as he said that, I was like, he's going home. Although, you know, we will soon see how that turns out. But then it's like 11, 21 PM and Adrian, aka LeBernadand is sitting on something, probably a chair. That's what we normally sit on. And she's, she's journaling and she's like, you know, she's, she's like you know she's She's like every single thing I do I journal I I want to make sure I get everything right I take a note on everything if it needs more acid I add more acid if it needs more salt I add more salt I it's all in here in my book my little black book of details Dear diary and look right on down dear diary dear diary today. I realized acid. That's what I realized today Dear diary. It's like that's what I realized today It's like the most bored diary ever it's like that diary just fall asleep

Diary has high boogers, okay, it's like the diary of two Frank like Really can't you add something more Dear diary the Germans are coming and I really want them to. I really want to win a challenge. Yeah, so her whole thing is that she is. She's journaling because she's taking notes. She just really, really wants to win a challenge. She's only won one quick by everyone else's one elimination challenges. So at this point, I'm going to win a challenge. I'm going to win a challenge.

I'm going to win a challenge. I'm going to win a challenge. I'm going to win a challenge. really really wants to win a challenge. She's only one one quick buyer Everyone else is one elimination challenges So at this point I think that they're setting her up to either have a big win today or she's going home So that's what they're setting up with her. Well my big note at the end of all this opening stuff I was like these chefs all hate themselves and are all insecure and miserable which I love in a cast You know, I hate when people have too much confidence

It means they're not paying attention and they're delusional. I mean human being on the earth should have a mixture of confidence and pride and self-love and also self-hatred and disgust and disappointment in themselves because we are after all Disgusting human beings, okay? So I love when a chef is just like I suck. I hate myself. I'm gonna lose. I'm like, okay, now you're being real people. Yeah, yeah, exactly. We saw Carrie talking to her dad who has early signs of dementia, so that's sad. He needs pants. And then the Alzheimer's, yeah, I forgot which. A little bit about. But I can tell he's proud of me because he wants to put on pants. It's been a long time since he's wanted to put on pants. And I can empathize with that.

You know, I think anyone, dementia or not, when you put on pants for someone, that shows effort. And that shows, yeah, you want to support someone if you put on your pants. Sure, I'm never putting on pants. I never want to put on pants. Okay. I'm in Jim shorts right now. I'm in Jim shorts right now. I'm gonna say shorts. I was in when I saw you yesterday, still on those shorts.

God bless. So, um, now they all pile into their cars to go driving to the top chef kitchen, but, uh-oh, they didn't take, they're not in the right lane. They're, they're, are they headed to Boulder? No. They didn't take, they're not in the right lane. Are they headed to Boulder? No, they're headed to the Stanley Hotel, which is where Stephen King spent the night once and had a nightmare and was inspired to do the shining. Yeah, when they said, we're on the wrong lane. We're on the wrong lane.

Oh my God, I was like, they're going head on into traffic. That's what I thought. I was like, oh shit. I thought they were like, they were like, I'm the wrong side to the highway. Like shit top chef Just got real shortly season ever So then they they show up at this hotel and Padma's there. See good morning See good morning, madman than usual because they're in the Stanley hotel. So she's like good morning chefs

Yeah, this is like quid fire before finals. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, Stephen King has been naked here. We, we, we, we, we, we, we. You know, they're adding only sound effects, and they're like really committed to making this seem scary, because they have like, it's not just they do like a little bit scary,

they do like the whole entire segment, they have scary music playing, and it's kind of like excessive and ridiculous. it was worth it for the for later on when there was a well we'll get to it. But anyways. But anyway. She's trying to terrifying when she's alone like that. Bad Metalk even more slowly. It's like oh my god what is she gonna do? I feel it because she got really into this gourd challenge you know.

She did. She's like I'd like to introduce to you a special guest to judge your quick fires with me. Air. Get it. I'll be judging in the room where Steven had his nightmare. The twins will both be Gail. Just be one gal, but with too much. Gail once said her greatest nightmare was watching the blood come down those

staircases, but then she said her greatest dream would be wishing it was just cool-aid and she was just at the end of it with her mouth open. Just funneling in all that cool-aid coming down the stairs. Bless her heart. Stephen King's worst nightmare, the Stanley Hotel. Gail's worst nightmare, an empty fridge. Am I right Gale? All work, no play, make Gale a very hungry girl. Trust me. Bless her heart. Red run, red run, she literally drank all the red rum. The signing would never end. Gale was the star. Last night I opened up a can of peas and Gail broke through with

an axe and said, here's Gail. I was like, Gail, you have to stop. Nevertheless, she ate the peas. There was no axe big enough to make a whole large enough for Gail's face in that doorway. Dana Cowan, formerly of Food and wine magazine, and came rushing over here in the middle of the night, because she heard gals and mental distress alarm. She's dead now. So, uh, Carrie's like, oh my god. Deshining. What a scary movie. Remember that part where it was the ball?

There was champagne and caviar? Terrifying. Maybe you should describe that scene more. It's like the most normal, lovely things just scary to carry. Well, that was truly the most boring scene in the entire movie. It was a big cocktail party that went on forever and ever

and wound up with Jack Nicholson in a bathroom talking to a ghost butler. Like, it was the least scary moment. It was like, that was the boring moment. But I like when she brought that butler. Like it was like the least scary moment. It was like, that's the, that was the boring moment. But I like when she brought that butler pants. Oh, you. But I like so Padma's like, she's like, well, so welcome to this hotel.

This is the hotel where Stephen King spent the night and the events that happened that night led to one of his worst nightmares of his life. It was, it was Gail serving him a plate of half eaten tostitos, horrifying. Bless his heart for going through that. So they're going to have to make dessert today and carry us hilarious because it has to be something scary. So, carry us like, well, you know, I don't like scary movies. I dream in detail though.

Last night I dreamt about Tater tots covered in pine nuts stuffed with jam. That is when this entire fucking thing. I'm in love with Carrie now. I know, I love her and Padma goes, I want to see you visualise whatever your worst nightmare is on a plate. For instance, mine is gale near a bag of red vines Go So let's see here carry

LeBron she's like heart wrote my journal pastry. It's where he started blood cuts Coco ice cream ice cream ground it all though It's gonna be a ground with the port. And then you step on it and then blood seeps up, like you know it's gonna be a piece of fish with some sugar. I thought nothing could be scarier than if you cut into some red snapper

and then a beet juice, a lovely beet juice comes out from below. It's like blood, like you're walking in a snapper forest and blood comes out. I thought that's a very scary thing. Joseph, that time that Gail ate a coke bottle. Am I right, Gail? I always think forests are hilarious,

mainly because we always trick Gail into walking into them. We say, Gail, there's a taco bell in the woods. Go, it's so funny. For Gail. I like that Patmas just keeping Gale around is her fat ghost. And by the way, just we have to say this every time Gale is so tiny and not fat at all. She's not fat. We just made up that Fatma hates her and is always making weight.

Yeah, we don't even think that Patma hates Gale in real life. We just like to have this fan fiction here. We just we just go with it. It's been a very sensitive week for women issue, women body issues on Bravo. So please don't think we're waiting into that pool. No, we are definitely not. So Joe Sasto. That fake fat pool. Okay. So just sit back and enjoy yourself. So Joe Sasto, Luigi handle bar mustache. She's like, my nightmare is what if there's like chicken in the egg when you crack open the egg That's my nightmare. I'm like hmm me I say gross, but like haven't you ever taken like science?

Isn't there like a biology experiment where you like actually do that? It's like not that terrifying. It's just alarming my worst nightmare is having to pay for supplies instead of stealing them from fields with my hippie-ass girlfriend. Okay, that's my worst thing. Check out line. So LeBernadine and Luigi are both making meringue but he doesn't know how long to bake it. And so he keeps asking her and I'm like, you know, you've got a lot of fucking nerve for being the one who didn't tell Fat Joe that that other chef is always trying to make way for you to make the best. Yes. You jerk. The collie flower risotto. Yeah, you jerk.

Mr. Handelbar. How about you ride your handlebar bicycle into a cookbook store and read something about how to cook a meringue instead of bothering Lippurna down about it. Yeah, Jerry. So then Amish Chris, who's not Amish, by the way, for the record. And by the way, another correction last week, I said that Adam Perry Lang did Franklin Barbe, he and Austin, that is incorrect. He did not do it.

He's just a pit master. So apologies. Anyway, so Chris, he's like, well, my nightmare is, I'm gonna show like a hiker who fell off a cliff into some rocks and his guts were everywhere. I was like, that's very literal. That's like, you know, it's like the night, I feel like, can't you elevate it? Like it doesn't have to look like the topping of some really bad kids' cake.

Yeah, he's like, I did pastries and my friends used to give me these nicknames. Like Mr. Sweet, Mr. Pastry, Marzipan Face, ice Cream Butt, Soft Serve, Pupu Dropper, okay enough, I'm as Chris, okay. That's enough, those are all the mistakes. I'm Brolay. Yeah, that was way too creative. You just topped all of his friends, Creme Brolay, that's freaking so to.

And then Bruce is like, my fears are drowning and falling off a cliff. I'm like, both of those things involve exercise, you know? To drown, you have to be swimming someplace. And to get up, fall off a cliff, you got to climb up one. I'm like, I'm with you, bitch. I may not like you very much, but that's my worst nightmare, too. It's like dying on a fucking, you know, weight machine or something. Yeah. And so Bruce is like, I don't know. So he's going to make a panicado with Pomegranate. I'm like, oh, that's terrifying What a nightmare. He's like, I don't know how to do drowning or falling off a cliff like really because those are pretty easy

Because I'm gonna do a panicada and I'm gonna lie and say I was afraid of seeds It's like you it's not to be about your fear. Just do a nightmare thing. Just do something like dark and scary I, to me, the pinnacle of this always, I think it was a Paul from Top Chef, maybe Texas when he did the black and chicken leg for Charlie Stern, but there's no way challenge. That was like the best, like the darkest, most evil played of all time on Top Chef, that is the pinnacle. So when Bruce is sitting here saying he's going to make a panakata with Pomegranate scenes, I'm like, come on now. Yeah.

You're not making pasta and you're doing it. So just say that, you know, my worst fear is having to make you something that's not, you know, pasta. Yeah. He's like my greatest fear are long worms here. I made bucattini. Oh shit, pasta. So my favorite part of this whole ridiculousness I'm sure it was yours too was then we see this the cameras like floating through the hotel And we hear this ethereal voice over from Padma and she goes I believe in spirits. I do I don't think of them as ghosts In the traditional horror movie sense, but I have been in rooms where I felt a certain presence or a thing. That was something recipe, okay?

Or a thickness in the air. And then I turn around and gale's there. I'm like, gale, why do you always startle me like that? I felt like I was in a room with somebody, but it was just Gail's Mars-a-pan breath Sometimes I feel a warm sensation and I realize it's just Gail blowing French onion soup mix on my neck Like Gail, what are you doing? So Padma is in the room alone and it is terrifying because whenever Padma's alone, she's extra. And then now it's the shining and she's being extra on purpose. So she's like,

Luigi brings in his bloody egg and she's like, because you know when you crack an egg and there's a dead chicken inside and Padma smiles. But then she was like, no, but then she was like, ugh. Like, you realize I have to eat this now, thanks. I just wrote through smiles and then says, I wanted more pizzazz. Did you mean to not serve me any razzle dazzle with your dead baby chicken? Ha, ha, ha, ha. So then Bruce is, he's struggling with his thing

and he shows up with his plate for her and she goes wow What is this He's like well when I was a kid I was afraid of seeds and then she gives us look I didn't know Padma could even give this screery face look because you know She's got such a smooth non-moving face, but she's like face but she's like Face made a sound it would have made that sound and she goes is this semi-fredo supposed to be served warm He's like seeds but see

So I mean, oh sorry. It's practically a flan at this point. I mean where's gal when you her, right? Do you feel a thickness in the room? That's Gail. Spirit of Gail. Oh, it's just your warm semi-friddo apologies. Could someone please caramelize some sugar to pour Gail into? So then Chris, I'm gonna take a flan. Could you tell? I started going through the whole flan process in my mind and I have all the ingredients here at the house, which means I'll probably be making it today. Oh, flon. Yeah. The diary of flon Frank. So, um, Chris, I'm just gonna celebrity beef. You never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell.

Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows, it snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood.

How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder yeah. Why not? Sige Flickr, I'm just going to know Sige Flickr today. So Chris, he's made his, he's made like his mountain, his rocks are made of chocolate cake and he's made a little like cookie dough Camper it's like a stick figure and then he covers everything green stuff. He's like, yeah, there's the camper There's the rocks and that's the guts the guts that are everywhere I'm like the green guts like first of all guts don't look green second of all like that does not try it doesn't look like

Nothing made sense it looks so That does not try. It doesn't look like nothing made sense. It looks so. Childlike. It's like a literal little body, which is so funny. It made like a little cookie body. And he goes, hopefully she'll get the gist. It's like that's not a gist. Like a literal crazy plate. And she goes, come in Chris. Quite a stunning plate. There's a Marsapan dead man on there. Oh, he got pushed off this cliff into some green cream.

And then he tried to get out, but there was a mac and cheese ceiling that he couldn't get through. So we drowned to death. And she's like, I love death. I love the woman. I love that Salman has fallen into this cream. And he doesn't have a pre-knife next to him. I love your play to tell such a story. It's probably what Gail wishes she could do to me every time I outshine her with a dress

poor thing. She needs a stylist. That looks like Gail faced down in cream. She's not dead. That's how she always looks. One time I unwrapped a non-enjoyed bar and she almost fell off a cliff herself. I was like, Gail, get it together. You'll get one, too.

Gail one time fell off a cliff bar. So, Leverney Dan is Max and she's like, I'm going to write about this in my journal and pat him and he goes, ooh, sad. And Leverney Dan's like, sad I'm a burning dance like it's like a forest and a beautifully eerie dream I had to I couldn't finish my meringue so I just had to use pieces of marangs Which is good because it's like a fragmented nightmare, which is very very scary. There's also some red snapper in there Thank you me her which is very very scary there's also some red snapper in there um thank you so

Carrie is like oh my god my panic caught us way too tight and I'm out of time oh my god how's we're gonna get pants for it and she's kind of freaking out and so Pat my cuss again for the second time in the show Carrie comes in with these two little plasticky circles because she couldn't get anything played it and Padma goes, wow. And that's it. That's all she said. And then so Padma's like looking at this, like over gelatin, panicada, and she goes, well, it's a good thing.

Nobody's going home for this quick fire. Hmm. Talking about you, Carrie. Wow. So the judging, she's like, Carrie, no wonder your father won't leave the house. You're terrible. Bruce seeds. That's ridiculous.

Luigi wasn't gory enough, but decent. And at least he didn't steal this from a field this time. Amish, Chris, I'm sorry you're drowning in mac and cheese. Yeah, she goes, there were a couple of clunkers. I mean, I'm talking about Gale's outfits. The food was fine. But she tells agent she's like, you had the most graphic plate and I love that.

And the winner is the cream cheese ceiling, Amish Chris. And then he says in the slowest way ever, he goes, my momentum is really picking up. You're slowing down, Chris. Stop, stop, Chris. Come on, baby. So for the elimination challenge, the chefs have to make a creative dish that

tells their culinary story here on top chef, and they're going to be serving it at the governor's mansion to the governor himself, John Hickenlooper. So that's an exciting thing, and they'll go shopping, and they're shopping and talking about their experiences and handlebar mustaches. Like he wants to talk about his ups and his downs and Bruce is like, well, I don't know

what my culinary journey is. All I know is I can't make pasta this time. That's literally been your culinary journey. Yeah. I mean, find a way to represent walking extremely slowly across the kitchen and having other people do your work because you can't handle it all. Okay. Yeah. Can you can you can you tell Port to end to do the rest of your culinary journey, journey, because that's kind of what it's been. Just get something greasy that can't be combed. Yeah. That sweats.

Okay, so Luigi's like, this is about my ups and my downs. And then he's like, you know, my best criticism here. I was like, we know Luigi. He mentions it every week. He's like, maybe when that guy told me I had a big bag of tricks. Yeah. He read me like an open book. Oh, good. Well, so either way, I know it's like a little, it's like we get it. Like how many times we have to see the German dude. So, um, every single time his back, he was telling you, you

suck, dude. Yeah. So then, um, they arrive in the kitchen and Tom is there. He says, hi, chefs. Hi. Yeah. Well, you know, food could be some work. And if I don't see a big improvement, I may bring back two people from last chance kitchen. I'm like, Tom, don't try to like wow us with this twist. You already did it earlier in the season. Yeah, I'm really mad. Whoa really pissed Oh, yeah, really really furious. Oh So um, it's never a good sign when you see Tom. It's like when I was a kid and I did since did something bad And my mom would be standing on the corner of the street. I'm like was she a hooker like I know on the corner of the street with a fly swatter like whoop. What are you talking about Bruce?

She's like Bruce broke the oven again. So gotta get that money. Hey boys So let's see Luigi's making green pasta cuz he's Luigi and his culinary journey is constantly being green and he's Off I like you know the dominant color and you know, he's always making dumplings. He's doing another stuff pasta. So he needs to get a little more shit too, because he's made dumplings the past four weeks in a row. Yeah. And he's like, so the burning down, are you taking risks? And she's like, in my journal, I just wrote game me over and over again. Game me, game me, game me. It's like, Tamiya Meg. My friend, Roman. He's scary. You know, he's scary now, okay? All work, no play, makes Adrian Journal just more. It's just a great journal.

It's like, no, great. Worst horror movie of all time. But she's making monkfish, which by the way, I didn't know Whole Foods even had monkfish. By the way, they used to serve monkfish at this restaurant. I used to work at it, and it was delicious. And I love monkfish. Because, you know, you have to know what you're serving

all these days very good waiter people and it's a terrifying fish it looks like a fucking monster I had no idea they were that big I mean that thing was fucking terrifying and I've never seen anything like that at Whole Foods so I don't know what where they're shopping at I once well I once went to Seattle and I went to Pike Place the seafood market and they had a big old monkfish just flopped over the side Because I think whenever you see them, they're just like they're so big They just flop over the side and they hold them up and they're just like these big discussing fish But they are so good and you know what I always remember Ted Allen formerly of queer. I he once said on one of the many food programs Maybe even top maybe his top chef

He's like well, you know Well, monkfish is the poor man's lobster and I'm like, you know what he's right it is like the poor man's lobster and it's delicious. Well lobster used to be the poor man's lobster because it was like a cockroach at the sea. That's right. There you go. The thing you think you're so fancy eating lobster and paying so much money for it. That's what poor people used to have to eat because they look like little monsters in the sea. Yeah so Kerry she's gonna be doing a dish with all pretty much all her greatest hits, but she's gonna still make sure it's a very Colorado-forward dish, so that's exciting. Whatever that means. Yeah, she is like, here is a whole bunch of weed. So Chris is gonna make an

homage to his fellow chefs, which includes making Raviole, handmade Raviole for the first time ever. I'm like, dude, first of all, they're sick of pasta. Second of all, you never done it before. Why would you do it? Obviously Bruce is the best pasta guy. So it's nice you're doing it to reference everyone, but if you wanna like reference Bruce,

why don't you just like just find a whole bunch of like seaweed and put moosin' and stand it up on its edge. You know, like that would work. Oh, yeah. Just put a couple of vanilla scoops of ice cream in a bowl and watch them melt really slowly, clearly. Just get a Mr. Potato head figurine and I'll just put on the side of the plate of scournish. And have two running around doing everything for it. Yeah.

So the judge is, okay, so now we're at the governor's house. Now there's no gale in this episode Which sucks? I was very pissed not because it's not over guys. I need my gale in every episode Uh-huh, and I was like who's the awkward woman gonna be in terrible clothes? Well, thanks. Thanks governor for marrying Mrs. Pickle poo the governor's wife Pickle deep Cooper or whatever her name is because she looked really awkward and terrified and she was wearing like a totally gal forward, if you will, shirt with like plastic jewel things

encrusted on the front. I was like, thank you, substitute, Gail, thank you. I thought you were gonna say the awkward lady was Graham Elliott because he walks in, again, trying to be cool in a converse and this, he's trying to do a look. I'm like, you're the governor's mansion and everyone's dressed nicely and you're wearing,

you're wearing converse with the governor's mansion. I know you're trying to be like, hey, I'm Graham Elliott and I cook and I'm on TV. So here's my signature look, but sometimes you just gotta, like, you just gotta reel it in because you look like a buffoon. Yeah, well, Graham's doing that thing

where, you know, you lose some weight, big people get it. Like, you lose weight and then you're like, oh my god, I'm hot. It's like, maybe I lost six pounds, but I still, I want to fuck the entire world, you know. Like, you feel like Julia Roberts at all time. Pulled like pretty woman, Julia Roberts. And then he's like, it's not good enough. I'm not hot enough yet. Maybe I'll lose some more weight and get vests that are tighter.

And then I'm going to get an eyebrow wax. I'm like, what are you doing, Graham? Okay, stop. He does sort of look like a lot of the big brother, celebrity big brother contestants rolled into one. Like, I'm seeing some Mark McGrath, I'm seeing some Ross Matthews, I'm seeing some Brandy Glanville, I'm not seeing Amarossa because obviously he's not black. I'm seeing eyebrows.

Everyone else. I'm seeing waxed eyebrows and I just don't want to see that on you Graham. So get rid of them. Okay, you're not you're not allowed. I don't know what gay is going to give you permission to do that or to not do that, but I'm a gay and I'm saying no, no Graham, no. I honestly I just want them to not work on versus the governor's mansion. That's all I want. That's all I want. Well, what about that guy in the yellow jacket that matched his yellow teeth? That was so awkward. It's kind of like the grossest governor's dinner ever and then the governor's like And he's making like dad jokes and stuff. Yeah, the guy in the yellow jacket It was weird because he looked like he had just been inducted to the football Hall of Fame because that's what they get

They get a yellow jacket. I'm like, sir, I don't think you've been playing football. Please don't wear the yellow jacket, you know? Well, I love that Padma showed up and basically a pirate slip. It was like a slip. Her nipples were out. She looked just stunningly gorgeous. And she's like, hello, governor's wife, Gail. And the governor's wife just kind of like receded into herself. She just saw her wrinkled. You saw her soul shrinking behind her crusty, you know, plastic jewels.

She was like, wham. So, uh, handlebars, Luigi, uh, he serves up some lamb and you'll want to eat with beets and hazelnuts. And then I stopped writing down the rest of it because it changed off the screen. And I wasn't too much. Um, so they really things down there like and then I stopped writing down the rest of it because that it changed off the screen and I wasn't too much They write so they really things down

They're like and then three grains of salt and then two leaves of cilantro and it's like okay We don't need every single thing in there. Okay. Just say Ravioli. Yeah, so they all really liked it And they actually felt it was very restrained. It was the first time he's used restrained. So very positive notices on Joe's enulati. The next, I'm going to keep you guys here forever if you don't watch out. Vote for me in November. So Adrian, a LeBernadand, she served the aforementioned monkfish. So this to me was like the moment of truth. Either she was going to be totally terrible, which meant that it was the, which is. Either she was going to be totally terrible, which meant that was the, which is what the diary was setting and so forth. That she,

she notes everything down to the diary, but she's still going to go home or she's going to be amazing and win. They're like, how is monkfish coloradoian? And she's like, well, it has venous and Jew. Okay. So I'm like, I appreciate it. The capriciousness is like, okay, is that the right word that I've just said? Capriciousness? He did say, Capriciousness or some like that. And I was like, okay, you be quiet over there.

And there was like, I have I line or like a cat. Um, she's like, have you ever seen a monk fish in real life? The way just hangs over the edge of the seafood counter. It's like, have you ever seen a monkfish in real life? The way it just hangs over the edge of the seafood counter. It's like, gale sunbathing. Less or a heart. She needs an SPF 600. You know what I'm saying? So Carrie is like, oh, the people I've met, David cancer.

Are you kidding me? Fire pants. So she made elk roasted cauliflower and then I stopped writing and sort of blueberry reduction. I was like, okay So this might be carried as like I don't know how this all works together and they were like, oh, this is great This all worked together well and by the way, I also want to say that when they they said about Adrienne's monkfish They were like, oh, I feel like a children's finally get her voice. I feel like she's a finally cooking her food instead of someone else's But if she's getting her voice, I was like, wait a second something's going on here. I think Adrian She might be that they might be now setting her up for like to go super far, you know

I'm down for that Especially because we called it in the beginning. I'm extremely behind a well-trained chef who like has to take all that and then actually becoming a artist. And she's actually nice and she's not like, yeah, being a chef saved me. I was living in a gutter and I was on drugs and I miss my baby, but I'm a chef and I've got a, yeah, I've got a piece on plastic as my tattoo to remind me to be ready. It's like she's just like normal and nice and sweet. Yeah, she's writing down like graves of salt in her diary. Like I'm down. But Carrie's like, I'm a huge fan governor. Oh, okay, here's what I learned about on my journey. Seasoning of my dad needs pants, which is what shaped like a wiener. Right. Okay, Carrie. Calm down over there. And proud because this is the most intensely flavored non-pants wearing dish I've had from Carrie. the most intensely flavored non-pants wearing dish I've had from Gary. I just can't believe you keep going back to non-pancing on her poor dad who has dementia

and early stages of Alzheimer. Because you know why? Because I understand that. I just like I get it on such a level where I'm like, well, I want parents and then people are proud. They're like Ronnie. He's like Ronnie's with us today. He's gonna wear pants So yeah, but the hard dish works everyone likes it, and you know, Pat obviously liked it

They they're all very very happy and then we have Bruce and Bruce is having some barley issues Because he toasted his barley, but it's not, he's like, it's not quite done yet, but he's hoping it's gonna be done, et cetera. And he serves up roasted duck with toasted barley corn and salsa fi, salsa fi. How do you say it, salsa fi? Salci fi, salsa.

It's that thing, it's like a, it's like a green, I think. I don't know, but it was funny watching them all too. Yeah, I think. Yeah, in fact, it was like, how did you cook the barley? And he's like, well, I cooked it last night and then I tasted it. She goes, how long? It's like, uh, oh, you guys are in trouble. Yeah.

Bruce, are you aware of the recurring nightmare of losing your teeth? You realize that this is not the same challenge as yesterday, right? I haven't seen anyone chew like this since I left a cow's head and gale's bed. I feel like gale tackling entire packet of Charleston shoes right now. And you know what she's doing at this moment. That's why we couldn't have her the governor's mansion. Charleston too. So grandma's like, this isn't the Bruce we know. This is uninspired. I'm like, this is the Bruce you know, fuckers. Okay.

I know you're trying to talk yourselves into believing Bruce is this thing because he's older and you all know him from like dinner parties or whatever, but he's made my part. He's made my part. Yeah. And they all, their faces are miserable. They're like, so then, uh, Chris, we also know Chris is setting himself up for failure because he's doing this ravioli situation. But his issue is actually more that, you know, as he's plating, he has this piece of fish and he has a lemon sauce and he has a

ravioli on top. He puts the lemon sauce on top of the ravioli, whatever. And it starts to make the fish skin wet, which of course you want to have a crispy fish skin. And from what I've heard, is that when the chefs serve their food on top chef, it's like a half an hour before between when it leaves the kitchen, gets the judges because they have to like, do like the glamour shots of the food and the judges have to be ready. So really probably what happened was the sauce went on because you can sauce a fish that has crispy skin, but it probably was sitting there for like half an hour and got soggy. Yeah, but at this point they should know that. It's like put it on the side, you know, drizzled it around the fish.

Yeah. So, um, so one of the... So one of the... He was setting himself up, I think. So it's like, it's surf and turf. It's lamb ravioli and trout. And my, my inspiration is my relationship with the other chefs so You'll notice that the lamb smiles way too much. That's why we killed it

So what do they get what are the guest judges is like you know the the skin wasn't crispy But I thought my trout was cooked really well and Pam just goes hmm The skin wasn't crispy, but I thought my trout was cooked really well and Pam just goes hmm Like I don't know who this person is. Should we get Gal back? Is she done with the child's and shoes? Pardon me Graham's like You know that that filling that filling was ridiculous. There was no binder or no the guest judge got so mad because it was just like dry Yeah dry dry and badminton was like that was drier than gale on a wedding night. Send it back. That was drier than a glassful of quick without the milk. And you know that gale has done that before. Bless her heart. She loves experimenting. So yeah, but the funny part is they are like bashing

this ravioli. They're bashing the feeling for just being dry. And then you see handlebars telling Chris, no, man, your feeling was really great. That's going to be your saving grace. Like, shut up. Shut up you. You don't know anything. I'm bad. And it's like, well, thank you, governor. Thank you, man, with the yellow teeth on the odd jacket. Thank you for the'am with the yellow teeth and the odd jacket Thank you for the little guy who likes using big words and thank you, Phil and Gail Phil and Gail She's like shrinking good nothing

So over at the judges table Tom's like whoa more focused, you know, no nachos. So that was good, you know the protein Well, well, yeah, well pretty good. Yeah, I mean, it's like a, it's good. It's good. It's like a, it's a color rhythm. It's good. So, uh, so, uh, so, Kerry, Adrian and Jo wind up on the top. Um, and Padma, Padma, they're like talking to each of them, you know, before they announced the winner is, and Padma turns to La Bernadana, she goes, do you feel it all yet? What your cooking style is like? I mean, how long do we have to wait?

I mean, this is top chef, not mediocre, just filing yourself, I worked at Bernadana, chef. I like that they're making it like the voice, you know, like she just has to find her artistic part. And then La Bernadana, who obviously watches American Idol in the voice and this kind of shows is like, well, I'm almost, almost there. I just have two episodes more to go before I totally find it. And I'm like, way to go, American Idol. You've been saved. Carrie, did you have an idea of what you wanted to cook right away?

Because it seemed like a mess. I mean, it was flavorful at all, but it was a mess. She's like, well, it just came to me. And Tom goes, oh, it did. It just walked over. It just walked over to where it just came to her. And Carrie's like, yeah, I harvested it. Like, it's not as funny because you know that Carrie would.

She'd just like grab an elk by the throat, cut it with a big smile on her face, and then just like serve it at. She made an oven out of snow and baked a cheesecake in it. This lady can do anything. Let's never forget that. She baked a cheesecake in snow. We saw it happen. Please win, please win, please win everything. But the winner for right now is Handelbars. He wins for admittedly what looked like a delicious dish.

So he wins and all three of them are in the finals, which is going to be IntelliRide. They're going to go to IntelliRide. And now it's time to look at the bottom too. And Padma just turns to Bruce and goes, Bruce, how is the day for you? Let me guess shitty. Let me guess you sweat a lot and didn't comb your hair. Hey, Bruce, you look more miserable than Gail when she walks to 7-Eleven and they're out of peanut butter cups. So she's, Tom's like, we're here for three reasons.

Okay, badmoss boops. Cooking things right and you know, Barley's undercooked, Barley's over assaulted, ducks over arrested, Paddna's nipples are great, they saved you possibly. And Graham's like, um, are we talking about my brows yet? It's like, no, Gramps. Yeah, and then as for Chris's dish, it had, Tom said those. Yeah, it's just no point of view. Yeah, it's like a lot of things like, uh, you know what? Fish, lemon jam, stop. See what I did? It's like a joke.

Like, don't put on the rabbit wheel. Oh, that's all you have to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hammer time. Hammer time. You got a prey just to make it today on top chef. See what I did? It's like a joke. I don't put on the radio. Oh, that's all you have to do. Hammer time. Hammer time. You got a prey just to make it today on Top Chef. See what I did there? And Amish is like, well, the pasta route was new for me. And she's like, Amish guy, push yourself. Like people in your old neighborhood would push carts to market.

OK? Don't make us vomit. We can do that on our own. And Tom's like, your POV's mixed up like omesh, you know, so food. I mean, I don't know. Call a foul puree. That's heavy, you know. And then this beautiful citrus relish, lemon jam, fish, stop. Hammer time. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't,

don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't Top chef So in a loantime pat was like I'm disgusted by everything I would rather be Chris's fish any day than Bruce's duck She was I love when she gets furious at duck or like whatever it is like she's so mad at duck right now And I totally here for it. Yeah, she is not having it. So then it's time to like drop the hammer. And you know, in my mind, I'm like, okay, this is pretty obvious. You know, Chris is going home.

He clearly messed up with that thing and they all love Bruce. But shockingly, Padma turns and says, Bruce, I'm sorry. Please pack your knives and go. I was like, my God, this is shocking. I was shocked. He's like, I'm like, I'm a baby, I'm a baby, I'm a baby. Girl, Bruce. I have a back.

Girl, Bruce. And Tom's like, Tom's like, well, too many mistakes today, but we'll see you in the last chance to catch it. I'm like, I was like, relax, Tom. He just loves saying that. He says to everyone. He's like, yeah, I'll I'm like oh, that's like relax Tom. He just loves saying that he says to everyone He's like, uh, yeah, I'll order a big Mac some price large soda and I'll see you in last chance kitchen He is cuz he's like welcome to the show as it should be Just me just me the only chef, okay, it's me the only touch. It's called top Tom needless to say Bruce I'm sure we'll be back.

And Adrian, I feel like they're setting her up for maybe a big win. This whole thing about the diary and this whole arc about her improving, improving, improving. If that was not, since that was not inserted to foreshadow her winning the elimination challenge, to me, it means it's foreshadowing something much larger. So that's what I'm saying. Well, I'm reading for Carrie. I hope it's a two-girl final. Me too. And that Carrie takes it.

And I really love Liberty Dan. And I think she would be great to win too. I would be happy if she won too. But I just like Carrie because I don't know. She's such a goofball, and she's also so talented. And she makes me, you know, doesn't try to be a goofball. She just like naturally is a goofball. And so I like that, you know, I also actually really like Chris. So I'm very happy with the three of them.

And you know, handlebars, he annoys me, but actually, truth be told, he seems like a nice guy too. I like Chris. Yeah, I like them all actually at this point. I mean, Luigi is annoying, but it's mostly to be honest, the mustache, but he seems to be. Yeah, it's just the mustache. So that's it for Top Chef.

Last week, we skipped the crap in Smalbag because we were just, I don't know, we were long, we were just in a place. So we promised we'd do a bigger mailbag. So let's get into the crap in Smalbag. For those of you who don't know, the crap is mailbag is a way for you to write in questions and comments, and then we will read them on the air.

You just go to patreon.com slash watch for crap ends, and you sign up to support the podcast at the crap ends mailbag level or higher, and you can submit your questions there. So, some of these, and by the way, thank you so much for your patients, because I'm looking, some of these questions have been sitting here for two months. It's hard, you know, because there's the holidays, etc. And we are just trying to get our bearings, but thank you for being patient. We want to get through every question. Um, so let's start with Ilsa Wolf, who says, if you could have any gallery girl join the cast of Real House Eyes of New York City,

which would it be? Did we do this question already? Yeah, we've done that one. Oh, that's so weird. Oh, well, we're in wine. I would say, I think we said wine. She's my favorite because I like the ones that are just like really quiet.

And also that girl, she kind of looks like our friend, Maul's. Yeah. And I would just love to see someone like Maul's with that kind of personality who's like shut up, you know, in the middle of all that craziness. to look like our friend Molls. Yeah. And I would just love to see someone like Molls with that kind of personality who's like shut up, you know, and then I have all that craziness. And then I think also we had said that we would have like Liz to just walk around and be like, which Asians that's on my painting? Yes. Yeah, we answered that one. Mary Hartigan

asks or says, a fight that involves Toya from marriage medicine and Leanne from real house was a Dallas. Let's start the fight off by Toya asking about masturbating versus cheating at one of Deandra's tea parties and Deandra thought it was inappropriate which riled up Toya who then snapped a Deandra. I know Deandra can probably hold her own, but I want Leanne to jump in or make up your own reason for arguing, but I want to hear the two arguing. She's like, I'm going to set the scene. We could do your thing. Okay let's know let's let's

you know Mary since Mary put in time and effort in setting up the scene. Basically Deandra's been having a tea party. I have a devil right here and if anybody sees anything bad I'm gonna bang on this devil cuz we will not have that kind of talking in my house. We were in America, so it's like free speech, like this is the place where anyone can be a drug cause I also, like what you should have did was said, do you want to speak right now or not, because it's really not cool for you to be banging a hammer

on a little square, and that's welcome to be used for Eugene to masturbate on too. So I don't think that's nice. You want to make an argument? It's about to be your closing argument. I'll tell you right that, okay? It is about to be your closing argument. You'll tell you right that. Okay. It is about to be your closing Archemy. You want to live long enough to make another argument? Stop talking about masturbation in my home. Oh wow. Suddenly I can't make an augum in anymore. I can't make an augum in you can send me away in an ambulance. Is that what's gonna happen now?

What you should have did was been nice to me because Eugene, Eugene, Matthew, that's too much and I need to know that's the best and he's best of it in too much and I'll need you Dandra to be talking to me like that with a gattle, okay? You know what I heard I heard that your husband master baits and he uses his hands and they work Well, that's have the problem crazy lady. You got no your breath smells like dog breath It was taking a should taking a search, okay? What else is in that bag, being Catherine asked, um, well, again, this was a question that was submitted two months ago. So apologies. Uh, so December, Catherine said, who would crampus take away this year? It's actually a great question.

Who would crampus take away? Well, let's see. Ramona tried to be nice. Carol tried everyone was fairly nice on that show on Real Housewives of New York. Beverly Hills hadn't started. Krampus would have taken away Brandy, I think, from Real Housewives of Dallas, because Brandy really did come from not having any friends ruining her best friendship. Right. Befriending the unpopular girl to use as a weapon against the other people, which she totally

did. And then dumped her the second she got her friends back. And you know what, that is bad behavior, ma'am. That is bad behavior. I think Krampus would actually have more toward New Jersey because let's face it, there's a fine line between Kim D and Krampus. You know, Krampus is like, clink, clink girls, clink, clink girls, how are you? How are you? I heard things. Not what I heard. I heard you were a bad girl, Teresa. Krampus is coming to put you in a bag, take you down to hell.

Yeah, and since Krampus is probably mostly taking kids, you know, everyone on this show had that kind of behavior They were throwing glasses of walls. They were throwing cake across restaurants. They were having sex in bathrooms They I mean everything that happened on Jersey this year was so wrong in so many ways that yeah I think the whole cast would just get taken. I don't think Except the thing is that I don't think Kampus could survive With the New Jersey women. I think he would try to steal them or their children and it would just be a massive failure.

First, he would go to Sigi and be like, hey Sigi, I'm here to take you to the underworld and see how could you do this Krampus? I do have Kramps. That's why I have pellets in my ass. The Kramps are so hard,. The cramps are so hard. The cramps are so hard. That's all I wanted. Who throws a sack of presents all across the floor, crampus. Ask me. Answer me that. Crampus is like, okay, okay. All right. What else does that mail bag me?

Mary, Mary Han Go says, on Vendipum Rules, Faith gave us a glorious gift with her confession about Jax. What would, by the way, obviously, Krampus takeaway Jax on Vendipum Rules? Faith gave us a glorious gift with her confession about Jax. What would each of the Vendipum Rules casts? What would you give each of the Vanderpump rules cast members for the holidays?

Pasta? Really? I mean, especially, yeah, at this point, just give them all pasta. Obviously, not cocaine, because that's really expensive, but I would just give them actual boxes of pasta and be like, okay, I wanna see you eat it now, because nobody believes that you're really eating

this much pasta, so let's see it. Yeah, maybe a book by Tahani's Eats Coats, but pasta for sure. And then like, maybe I would give Katie some cover up for her arm, or maybe like some wristband so she can, I don't actually I don't know what I can give L ask for for the holidays was her mama. Yeah Wait, and then here's one from Allison King because Mazel try to get all the holiday ones out of the way before it's like just totally ridiculous they were doing the holiday themed ones and And Allison says what are you asking Santa for this year? What do you think Bravo? Lebrides are? So what are you, what are you asking for Santa? What in 2018, we'll think ahead, what are you asking Santa for, Ronnie?

Um, really just my health, LOL just kidding. Um, I think I would ask Santa, you know what? I really am one of those people that's very difficult to get anything for, because I don't care about expensive shit shit like I write a Vespa, okay, got that. I finally got like an actual Vespa instead of a scooter scooter. So got that, I have a big TV, I have cable, I have Netflix, I have a Nintendo Switch which we got this year for Christmas from a lovely listener. And I think that's really it. I mean, I have Bueller and Adomino's basic subscription.

I mean, what else do I need in life, you know? Very easy. Yeah. Um, for Christmas, I'm asking for cameras to have been there while Luann was arrested. I'm asking for a probably a 45 episode order for Real House of New York. I'm asking for cameras to be in rehab. I'm asking for like all rehabs, all rehabs, but specifically Luans rehab. I'm asking for a season that never ends for New York. I'm asking for Vanderpump rules to just keep on going in perpetuity. I'm asking for another cheating scandal there.

I'd love another gay scandal on Vanderpump rules. I want for Christmas, I'm asking for Princesses Lug Island to suddenly come back out of nowhere. I'm asking for a game of crowns to be resurrected. I want the crampus to give us back our game of crowns. I can't crampus could also give us back some secrets and wives and some gallery girls if if crampus was feeling it, but I understand if that's too much to ask for. And I'm asking for our podcast to just keep growing and being wonderful and for to be able to see all the shining, smiling people out there at all live shows.

Oh, yes, that's a good line. Yeah. 10 Jesus. And more board games, always more board games. Yeah. That was good. I already have every single day. I'm like, well, I, OK, I don't need any more board games.

I don't need to buy any more. This is fine. I already have plenty. I'll just, I have my collection. I'll just go and play those and get to know them more and more and more And then the next day I'm like Amazon cart in the cart in the cart just the one car Um, what else is on there? There's plenty more

But we will get back to that next week we promise and um you guys have a wonderful weekend go buy tickets at crapins.com Watch a crapins.com Um for our live shows Houston and Detroit are our march shows. Those have tickets available. Help us sell those out. We're going to have a great time. We're going to be talking, dinner party from hell from Real House and Beverly Hills in Houston. We don't know we're going to talk about in Detroit just yet, but we always have a good time. Even if we talk about like carpets, we'll have a good time. So, but we promise we won't talk about just carpets. Yes, and to find out what we're talking about,

you could just come to our Facebook. There's a Facebook group called Watch With Crappens, Lab in Leavenitt. It's linked from our regular Facebook group on Watch With Crappens or regular Facebook page. It's book talks, yeah. Yeah, so go there and we'll start announcing them, usually like a week before the shows,

because we don't really know until we see the schedule for that week because you never know on bravo Things can just change y'all Yeah, the other thing is that the watcher crappin's live in love in a group That's we that group has been made to for all live stuff So announcements if you want to coordinate with other listeners if you're if you're afraid that you're gonna be going You want to go the show, but you're going. A lot of people do that and they meet up beforehand. All that stuff gets arranged on that site. So go use it as a resource.

God bless and have a good time. Okay. Care everybody. Body. Body. Body. Hey, prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before

you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.