Watch What Crappens - Watch What Crappens #1

Episode Date: January 26, 2012

Jan 26, 2012 See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. This episode of Watch What Crappens is brought to you by GameFly.com. Go to GameFly.com backslash haha for your free 15-day trial. Hey, everyone. This is Ben from bsideblog.com, and you are listening to Watch What Crappens, a new

podcast that's about everything Bravo. And joining me today is Ronnie Karam from tvgasm.com. Hello! And normally, we would have Matt Whitfield from Yahoo here with us, but he got called into the office because he has to write something about

the Oscar nominations or some sort of crap like that, whatever. Yeah, that's stupid. Yeah, we don't approve that. Like, Housewives and Bravo and Andy Cohen are far more important. Yeah, I'm going to come out with a silent Housewives and finally win my damn Emmy. Oh, I would love that. That would be really interesting.

You know, Vicki Gunvalson would be great for that. She's got a very expressive face. Same can't be said for the other women. They don't really have much movement. Vicki's boob scars say so much. Her boob scars would play the part of the dog, you know. She'd be like, roll over, and her boobs would like spread out. That's supporting actress, Vicki's boob scars.

I would watch that movie any second. So this is actually our – this is a little confusing. It's our first episode, but the truth is that Ronnie, Matt, and I recorded an episode a week ago, and it was a great, great, great episode. And then the damn file was corrupted. So you all missed out on some great banter about Bravo. I know. So it's kind of a continuation of Housewives Hoedown, the last podcast. So it's the first episode of the new Housewives Hoedown, but it's the second episode of the old.

It's so confusing. You're just making it worse, Ronnie. I mean, basically, for people who haven't been following our saga, which is shocking because I thought everyone knew about this, we used to do a podcast called Housewife Hoedown, which is all about the real housewives. But that podcast folded, and it was for a company, and it's no longer happening. So we decided to join forces again and podcast all about Bravo. And, you know, what better time to do it because The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills just wrapped up its season on Monday. And what did you think about that finale? Well, another unfair thing about the last week's Getting Erased is that that episode was awesome. Yeah.

And this week's episode was so lame it's like what what can we even talk about pandora got married no one cares it was the pinkest wedding i've ever seen who can paul farted a lot getting a colonoscopy or whatever that was actually funny that part that was the beginning it's sad they had to front load this episode with fart literally they had to front load this episode with fart literally they had to have farting to make this episode funny and interesting yeah they're like let's make an extra episode to make this season end well and show that taylor's okay after the suicide uh how can we do that farting lots of farting now if it had been taylor farting that

would have been a whole different story i would have i would have been a whole different story. I would have been behind that. Yeah. Taylor cry farting. She farts through her tear duct. She's had so much surgery that things are coming out the wrong end. And when she farts, her eyelids actually flutter. It's like when you get liposuction and you only grow fat back in weird places. Like you'll get a fat nose because your stomach can't take any more fat. That's happened to their farts. Yeah.

The farts just find a new way to come out. So if she winks at you, she's just really trying to hold in Hershey's works. That's what you should know. So that episode was kind of lame for the most part, but it was also just bizarre because, you know, the whole season've been waiting to see how bravo is going to deal with this whole suicide thing we got a little bit in the very beginning of the women gathering yeah in the first episode to say oh it's so sad and cried they all felt so guilty you know and they were saying at that time oh well we were just going off what she told us you know they were feeling bad. They were basically calling her a liar. And then the way they did deal with it was

Taylor came over, all smiles, and they had a great time together at the end. I don't know. I thought Taylor had a sadness behind her eyes. Or maybe I was just reading into her. She's sort of like a blank slate where you can project your own perceptions of her onto her face

because she can't really show so much emotion. But I don't know. I thought that she seemed a little muted. I thought she seemed, you know, she looked like someone whose husband may have just hanged himself. So, you know, she didn't seem to be the happiest. She seemed like she was trying really hard to convince us that she was happy, but I didn't buy it.

Oh, I didn't see any difference between her there and Kennedy's birthday party. You know, put a cowboy hat on her and a giant horse face next to her, and it would have been the same thing to me. And Ace Young singing off-key some bad song. While she revs up her lines to go jump him in the woods. It's your husband's suicide. That song he made for Kennedy's birthday. It's your birthday. And they got her a frigging horse.

I mean, for crying out loud, these people are just absolutely ridiculous. Well, I mean, what did you think about the season as a whole? I mean, because the finale was objectively boring and stupid. I mean, who cares about the flowers and the cake and Pandora and all that stuff? I think with 13 episodes or 14 episodes, it would have been a perfect season. Yeah. But, man, they sure stretched that out. I mean, they're getting longer every year.

Remember when it used to be 13 episodes, the Housewives? It was like 13 episodes. You know, it was like three months of fun, and then they were on to a different city. And now it's like half your freaking life. I was younger when this show started. I was a year younger. Well, that would actually make sense because we are all technically younger, you know, in

the past. Just so you know, I just want to keep you I want to make sure you realize that. But normally I would be three months older and now I'm like five months older. Unless you're Benjamin Buttoning it and you're actually getting younger as you get older or whatever.

It's so great. I thought I liked the length of the season. Cause you know why? Because I like these women and I find that there are compelling stories that are being told. So I'm fascinated to know what's going on with them. You know, it's not like Atlanta where literally nothing is going on. I mean,

they like go dancing, you know, or they sit down and they talk about something, vibrators or whatever. I mean, here, like, there's at least some sort of, like, through line, and I care what's going to happen, and there's, like, this tragic undertone, both from Cain and from Taylor. I was

very happy with the length. I'd rather have a longer season of Beverly Hills than an overlong season where the women are just stupid and vapid like OC. Yes, the OC was painful last year. And Atlanta, they can't even

talk to each other anymore because no one's talking. So it's like, how do you have any storylines? It's just Phaedra and her funeral home, which is hilarious to me. I don't care what anyone says. Yeah, that's a strange plot twist there, I have to add. What happened? I didn't catch this week, so you have to fill me in. there, I have to add. What happened? I didn't catch this week, so you have to fill me in.

Oh, no, nothing happened. I'm saying it was a strange plot twist in that they decided, you know what, for this season, let's give her a funeral home. Let's make that her arc. Like, we could have it that, you know, normally it's always something like, I want to renew my vows. No, no, let's do a funeral home.

That'll be fun. That's hilarious. I used to wish that they would show her as a lawyer, but then actually seeing her in action as a lawyer, I'm glad they didn't do that because she is one boring-ass lawyer. She's like, hi, judge. Oh, did you get that chocolate I sent you? Oh, good. Okay. He won't do it again.

Okay. Thank you. You got my trunk of cash, bitch. He won't do it again. Okay, thank you. You got my trunk of cash, bitch. She has really a very peculiar law practice that's going on. Well, first of all, there was that incident where she was representing some low-level guy who got busted on like a weed charge.

And then she had to present in front of that judge who looked sort of like a claymation character. His eyes were really close together in a bow tie and buck teeth. I thought he was out of Chicken Run. And then there was – and then she represented Sheree. And here's something interesting. One of the readers on my blog noted that the woman that Phaedra appealed to or whatever, that wasn't even a judge. It was like a clerk. They made it seem like she was presenting in the court. It was just – the judge was an older older black woman and the woman that they showed was

just like some frumpy white lady so i don't even know what's going on they're just making sit up phedra's like a notified what are those people called stamp things a notary yeah notary she's just a notary republic i think so but you know what? I have to say I'm really loving Phaedra this season. She's – I think – last season she was, like, full of so much bullshit. And this season she's just, like, funny and making – she's just – every scene she walks into, she always seems to say, girl or child about five different times. And that's all I need. I love Phaedra. And I loved her from the first second she was on that show.

Really? And I will always love Phaedra. Yeah, I remember one of the episodes we did last year when you guys were all over my case for loving her. I love her. I think she is so funny. And she's one of those ladies who's seen herself on TV and actually become a better person for it. Yeah. It's nice to see that.

Yeah. She's like, oh, well, I was kind of an asshole, I guess, so I'll learn to be nice. And you can see her biting her tongue half the time. Yeah, well, you can also see she's not taking it seriously. She's just having fun. She's making jokes at everyone's expense, and she doesn't really give a shit. I really want to see Nini and Phaedra go at it,

because one thing that came out of this latest episode, they're going to Africa. So there's a whole episode of them getting ready to go to Africa. So there's really not a lot going on. So Nini was hanging out with this new Marlo chick. And she was saying, well, you know all those girls? The short ones can stand over there, like Sheree and Candy and Phaedra. And the tall girls will be over here. So it'll be Cynthia and Nini and Marlo. But I didn't know that Nini and Phaedra had And we'll be, the tall girls will be over here. So it'll be Cynthia and Nini and Marlo.

But I didn't know that Nini and Phaedra had a beef. Did you know that? Yeah. I actually was sitting around. Well, actually, I was working out. No, I wasn't. I was sitting on the couch eating, like, popcorn or something. And it happened to, you know, how Bravo just shows it 24 hours a day.

It was on. And they were showing the reunion episode from last year. And I was dying laughing because Nene was arguing about every little thing. She's like, Phaedra, say I know her. I don't know Phaedra. That's bullshit. I don't know. And Phaedra's like, yes, you do.

We went to the same school. Of course we know each other. And she's like, no, we don't, Phaedra. You just tried to get in on my jelly, whatever. She's like, of course we know each other and she's like no we don't fade right you just trying to get in on my jelly whatever it's like no we know each other then why did you call me a few years ago trying to get a favor from me well i was calling you as a lawyer not as a friend oh give me a break nini is so full of shit and nini's always hated phadra and hated her from the very beginning but nini hates everybody yeah the only reason she's being nice to Marlo is because she's new. Those two are going to be awesome fighters.

Oh, they will be. Well, Marlo's going to get into a big fight in South Africa next week. They had a big, long preview for it, and it looks like Marlo gets into it with someone. I don't know who she gets into it with, but she gets into it for real. Well, it won't be Nene because right now she's kissing Nene's ass because if she becomes Nene's best friend, then she'll get a spot on the show. So she's making sure she's got the bully in her corner.

But I don't think she'll get on the show unless Nene quits because that's the only reason Marlo's in the wings anyway is to be the new bitch. Yeah, that's true. I mean, she literally gave Nene one of her Chanel bags today. She like gave Nene a tour of her townhouse and was like, she brought her into the closet and was like, which Chanel bag do you like?

And Nini was like, well, I like that one. And then she's like, okay, that's your new Chanel bag. And so she was, like, as blatantly kissing Nini's ass as you could possibly be. The other funny thing about Marlo is that she literally has, like, a townhouse. It's a condo, and she has a full-on security thing going on. She has cameras in every single room and she has a security panel.

It's like the second coming of Sliver. You know what I'm saying? I expect Sharon Stone to come walking through or something like that. It is out of control. I don't know why she needs to have all that. I mean, she has like three rooms. Like Panic Room.

Yeah. Panic Room with Jodie Foster. Oh, I would love to see the NeNe she has like three rooms. Like Panic Room. Yeah. Panic Room with Jodie Foster. Oh, I would love to see the NeNe Leakes version of that. Of Panic Room. I think any room where you're locked with NeNe Leakes will be a Panic Room. It could be the DMV.

It turns into the Panic Room. Just give her her license. Everyone let her go to the front of the line, please. Oh, gosh. She'd be a nightmare at the dmv yeah well it's funny to watch uh marlo because she's obviously you know the sad thing about this it's like the real world how it went from being about real people who just kind of got used to being filmed to now all these like young hot people and now i'm not saying that on this show

they're all young hot people but they're so aware now. They've all seen the show. They know what's coming. They know that if they're going to keep their jobs, they can't eat anything. And they have to divorce their husband because someone does that every year. So they're kind of learning the ropes. And it's not as fun to watch. I mean, you look at someone like Marlo. That could have been five seasons of storylines of people realizing that Marlo's been in jail seven times. Marlo's fucked like every old guy

in town. All this stuff that she just laid out in the first episode because she's like, look, I know the bloggers are going to be going crazy, so here's the deal. I've been in jail 80 times. I'm a serial killer. You know, like, I fucked my way to where I am.

The end. It's like, what do we have even left for her to do? Go away, Marlo. Well, she's going to fight with someone, whoever it is, and then they're going to throw down. I want to see Phaedra get into a fight. I bet she would be real good in the fight, you know? She sort of stays out of it, though. She has that stupid, annoying southern belle thing that she likes to sort of be every now and then and be all classy and such.

thing that she likes to sort of be every now and then and be all classy and such yeah she has that she has that like polite country club woman way of dealing with fights where she stays very calm and she just says it like it is like with nini in that reunion fight she totally took nini down yeah nini looked like a damn fool for even pretending not to know her but it was almost boring because she just did it in such a calm way. And it made Nini crazier and crazier and crazier and crazier, which was fun to watch. But she's not going to be good for the big brawls. Yeah. I mean that's really where Marlo is going to step in.

And Sheree has been like on the mute button. I mean she had her fight on the season premiere. But she's a nut. Like Sheree has hardly been on this entire season. She just sort of, like, is around here and there buying cars. I feel like Sheree's always buying a new car, by the way. It's always, like, a Maserati or an Aston Martin. No kidding.

And meanwhile, she's living in a Motel 6 with her poor son eating fucking off-brand cheap Cheerios, you know. Could you spend some of that lease money on your kid? Sharae didn't do anything last year either, as I recall. That's true. Although she was she took acting classes last year, which is kind of funny. And she did do that ballroom dancing, which was also kind of funny. I like it when Sharae tries to, like, be creative because she really can't be. And she's she's really like about as wooden as, I don't know,

something that is stereotypically wooden, a tree perhaps. And she's just like, she's so rigid, you know? And I love when she tries. She's as wooden as wood. She should really relaunch She by Sheree. I feel like that never really got its true moment in the sun, you know? Yeah, she's not really giving everything enough of a chance. I would like

to see her acting career bloom i was watching friday actually the same day it was like black people day on my tv i was watching real housewives of atlanta all day and then i watched friday and i think next friday was on and i was like wow there is some terrible terrible acting in this movie and there are some actually decent actors in that movie, but man, that acting is bad. Sheree could be in Friday. Yeah. Oh, she totally could. And I think I would see any movie that had Sheree in it, especially if she had a prominent role.

That's for sure. Do you remember? I think I would have enjoyed Mission Impossible, Ghost Protocol more if Sheree was in it. I'll be honest. Yeah, if Sheree was playing the role of Paula Patton, I would have been very happy with that. If Sharae... I think she would have done a better job than Paula Patton also, by the way. I don't think you're giving her enough credit. I want to see her straddle

a building like Tom Cruise and be like, I'm going to climb this building in Dubai. Oh my God, dirt's coming. I ain't getting dirty out running the dust cloud because she doesn't want to get dirty. What are you talking about? We're going to Dubai. No, we're not.

We're going back to Atlanta. What do they have in Dubai that they don't have in Atlanta? You think we're going to go to Atlanta? You think we're going to go to Dubai and not go to Atlanta? They don't have a Rosie Tomorrow's there? Rosa Mexicana, whatever it's called. We can do bad things in Atlanta. we don't need to go buy things in dubai she thinks she's so special she you know how like when sheree gets excited like her voice

gets all sort of garbled sort of like mine she gets it like you can hear like saliva in her mouth you know she gets all sorts of like what you gotta do what you gotta do what you wanna do in dubai she gets that really, hi, bitch. I love her. I love Sheree. I know. I love her. Remember, she was such a bitch the first season.

She was like the worst. I hated her the first season. And now I love her. Yeah, I do too. Well, you get used to terrible personalities, you know, on these shows. Like you don't even realize how terrible they are anymore. I have a guy working on editing some of the footage for me to put a mashup together of some of the Housewives stuff this season.

And he's never seen the Housewives. And I was, you know, showing him how I wanted him to do it or whatever. He made it through about 10 minutes and he was like, what is this crap? People watch this? These people are horrible, horrible people. That's so good. You're gonna love it, kid.

Speaking of horrible people, so i heard that peggy is no longer on the uh oc housewives cast did you hear about that yeah why did they do that look i'm getting my charade voice i don't know probably alexis i mean if i'm guessing alexis probably threatened not to come back and alexis is just too perfect to not come back. Because I thought it was going to be – I thought after the reunion last season when Peggy and Alexis were going at it about Jim and whatever, I was like, OK, finally. This is setting up a big rivalry for the next season, and this will be our through line for the next season. It will be like – it will be Peggy versus Alexis. It will be awesome.

And now they don't have Peggy anymore. Yeah. I don't know. Let's see. Let's see if we can find it. Peggy fired. I mean, she's still going to appear on it cause she's in the promo, but she's, you know, they really are. They, they over-tinkered with that cast. They should never have gotten rid of Lynn. That's for sure. I agree because one of the funnest parts of last season was when Lynn came back to bitch about Gretchen stealing her purse idea. Oh yeah. But I make purses!

Oh, I love Lynn and her like fucked up miserable daughters and her debt. I see a lot that she's fired, but it doesn't say why she was fired. Come on. That's annoying. I think Alexis really is probably one of the worst housewives of all time.

I mean, she is down there. I mean, she's just so righteous and dumb and stands for the wrong things and all that stuff. And she's a terrible – Yeah, but that's Alexis. I mean, come on. How can you not – how can you watch that show without Alexis? That dumb bitch. No, I know.

I like that she's there. I like that. She's a great villain, you know? I'm happy that she's there. I'd rather her than someone who's just like totally forgettable, you know, like a Cynthia on Atlanta. Well, here's Peggy's statement. Okay. It's from TwitLonger for people who cannot keep their mouth shut hello everyone many of you

have been asking about season seven if i'm returning after months of negotiation and soul searching i have declined their offer to return to the show i just felt it in my heart that being around the negative energy of certain cast members being forced to have dramatic confrontations and the time it would take me away from my family was just not healthy was not a healthy path for me she probably like this is a bitch but she's still gonna launch 10 products off the show yeah well uh peggy probably tried to ask for more money and they said no and then she was like okay i'm not gonna do this or maybe she watched that stupid dina manzo making millions of dollars for only doing one season off other projects. And speaking of that Dina, I was watching Iron Chef the same day on Black People Day.

Oh, really? I don't think there were black people on it though. I'm writing a letter. I don't even know why I was watching it. Your day was totally ruined. Well, there's an Asian guy who hosts it, so it's sort of like Minority Day. Does that count? You try and have a theme day

and they screw it up! But I was watching Iron Chef the other day, and Dina Manzo was one of the judges. Okay, you guys want us to believe this is the toughest cooking competition in the world, and then you have Dina as one of... What the hell has Dina ever done? Give me a break! Since when is she qualified to talk about food?

I mean, she... I don't know if you ever saw, like... I don't actually believe she's a very good interior designer. I seem to remember her house being, like, full of lots of, like, tchotchkes and clutter and junk. And she's got that weird cat. So I just wouldn't trust her with my food, you know? I'm not going to trust her. Yeah. I don't trust her taste levels.

Yeah. Well, just look at her. She's a housewife from New Jersey. Don't ever let one of those bitches into your house. Well, let me tell you something. Iron Chef, to me, lost a lot of legitimacy when they once had as one of their competing chefs Ralph from season one of Hell's Kitchen. OK, this guy was the runner up for Hell's Kitchen. He did not even win it, and they had him on Iron Chef as if he was some high-caliber chef. And I can assure you because I was there at Hell's Kitchen

for the tasting for the season finale, I tasted Ralph's food, and it sucked. So the fact that they had him on Iron Chef, that to me was when that show lost a lot of legitimacy. My little rant for the day. Has nothing to do with Bravo, by the way.

Yeah, sorry. I took it there. But Dina Manzo, she was on there, and she's just so freaking annoying. And I've seen – like this is her contribution. I really enjoyed what you did with the chicken. Thanks, Dina. You know this is Iron Chef, right? So she also has that show now on Home and Garden Network that's like Dino does you right or whatever and

it's Dina going in and she doesn't just decorate people's homes it's for special events so someone will have a party and they want a cowboy theme and she'll be like I'm gonna transform it I really hate what you've done with you and then she goes and criticizes their entire home you know like makes them feel like crap and she's not even there to design the home, you know? She's like, oh, this living room is horrible. It's the ugliest thing I've seen. All right, so let's have the country party in the kitchen. I'll bring in some haystacks and some horses, and let's get to it.

Like, what a bitch. That sounds good. I would totally watch that. So are you watching Top Chef Texas? Speaking of bitches. Yes, I'm loving that show. There's a whole lot of bitches on Top Chef Texas? Speaking of bitches. Yes. I'm loving that show. There's a whole lot of bitches on Top Chef Texas.

I'll tell you that much. Pretty much all the fat women are bitches on the show. You know the stereotype of fat women being bitches? It's all confirmed on this show. They really are. And Top Chef usually has – they've had a couple of female villains. It's not like they've never done that, but the guys usually way outshine the women in the villain department. There's usually four or five douchebags from the guy department, and this time it's all the chicks.

I mean there are some bitches. Yeah. The girl with the short hair, she – first of all, she looks like she's a great chef. I mean her food always looks amazing. But man, is she a bitch. And on top of that, she's apparently straight, which is a big surprise for me. Big surprise. Why is that a surprise?

Just because she's a big girl with the short haircut? Yeah, basically. I thought she was a lesbian for sure. I just automatically assumed it. Maybe that's just my own awful stereotyping. But I really thought she was a lesbian for sure. I just automatically assumed it. Maybe that's just my own awful stereotyping, but I really thought she was a lesbian. Well, I certainly wouldn't be shocked. I guess I'm just surprised that she's having sex. I'm always surprised with people like that because I get to be 20, 30 pounds overweight, and I'm like, I'm untouchable.

Don't look at me. I won't look at myself when I go take a shower. I'm so – I'm such a bitch to myself. So when I see other people, especially girls like that who can't even stand up outside to cook her fucking meal, girls like that get laid. I'm like, come on now. That just seems to be not right. And she has such a bad haircut. Whatever happened to hating yourself?

I mean, what have we come to? I don't know. You know what? She has like a Dorian Gray situation going on, I feel like, where her food – the more amazing her food turns out, the worse she looks. You know? Like she is like her painting in the attic except she's not in the attic. She's just standing over her food. I don't know if that metaphor made sense.

But I'm going to go with it. You're bringing literature into the wrong podcast. I know. And by the way, I will never have food served by her because she will hear this perhaps someday and be like, that guy's an asshole. But you know what, though? She was a bitch first. She was a bitch first. So I'm going to make fun of superficial things. And you know what? Because she can change her hair, okay? She can change her hair. She does not have to have that stupid haircut. Yeah, I agree. I just wish that she wouldn't be such an asshole.

And she doesn't understand when people... She's one of those people who just doesn't understand even when she's called out on it. You know that day when she went home sick or whatever and she's like, oh my god, it's so hot. I can't breathe. It's like, yeah, okay. It's no one's fault that you're 200 pounds overweight, first of all. So then, at the end of that challenge, someone else from her team gets kicked off.

And that wasn't really nice because she wasn't even there to do the challenge. So someone else gets kicked off for pulling her weight. And that was Taylor or whatever. I can't stand. So this is something we talked about on the long forgotten or destroyed podcast. But Ty Lor, I can't – I was so glad he got ticked off actually because I couldn't stand his umlaut. I couldn't stand his hyphen, and I couldn't stand his like hipster facial hair or whatever. And on top of that, there were naked photos of him that went up on the internet, and they were disgusting.

Did you see those? Yeah. Yes. He needs a trimmer i just wanted to say i wanted to if i wasn't so poor i would just buy a trimmer send it to bravo and have him give it to him if you're going to be naked on my screen you have a responsibility to manscape yeah i think period i think he needs some tabitha coffee to go in and give him like tabitha takes over his body hair because quite frankly, it was nasty. It was like this very like throwback to 1978 kind of porn, like hairy and loose and whatever. Like talk about someone else who like should be hating himself.

Like what's the deal with these people with their lack of self-awareness when it comes to their bodies? It's really a lesson for us as the consumers of this product. A good dose of self-hatred can be very inspiring to do better things for yourself, all right? Stop writing self-help, America. But also, that guy's naked pictures, I have to say a little bit more about them because the other thing that was offensive to me is that he didn't even bother getting a boner.

You know, there's a very big difference between seeing a guy naked, sexually ready, and seeing a guy who's just naked like if if i have a hot boyfriend or something i love when we're having sex and he's naked of course but in the house don't be naked don't be sitting on my couch naked yeah don't be fucking making me breakfast naked i don't like that it's gross i don't know why it's gross but it's gross well if someone is like really hot i think they will look good naked no matter what. But if you are lumpy and soft and hairy like Ty Lohr is, Ty Lohr, whose last name is Boring,

Tyler Boring, last name cannot be more appropriate. Yeah, we don't need to see you just standing there. This is like if you go to the gym and you see all those old guys naked in the locker room. And ladies, that's what happens. I'm sure it's the same in the ladies locker room it's always these old sort of you know loose skinned old men just wandering around it's just it's just too much to look at it's and you don't want to look at it but it's always right there on your face for some reason that made it sound really bad made it sound like i was giving a blow jobs in the locker room with old guys but that is not the case well

i saw i saw one of my really good friends at the gym. And whenever I see a friend at the gym, I'm like, oh, no, how am I going to take a shower? Because usually I'm going to the gym before I have to go somewhere else. So I have to take a shower. And he was going to swim laps. And I was like, oh, thank God I can take a shower. So I go in the shower. Guess who's in the shower?

My friend. I'm mortified, you know. And now all I can see whenever I see this guy is him naked. I don't want to – I just don't – and I like naked. I like naked guys. But I still – like I said, if it's not going to be for sex, I don't want to see it. Put on a robe. If you don't have a boner, put on some clothes.

My feeling is if you have a body like Tyler's, look, you know, I have to give him credit for being proud of how he feels and getting up there and being naked and whatever. And by the way, I should tell the readers that these are not like pictures, like private pictures that got leaked out. This is like a photo shoot, you know. This was like for like some Brooklyn zine probably that was like all for like retro gay art, you know? But yeah, that being said, it was,

it was nasty, man. It was real nasty, real unpleasant, real like, you know what? Like the reason why he probably didn't have a boner is because he may be, he probably killed his own boner by,

by already anticipating what his pictures would look like. Maybe they showed him the digital pictures and he's like, oh, can't do it. Yeah. Because I'll tell you one thing. Those pictures are boner killers for anyone, even lady boners. Speaking of boner killers, I wanted to tell you about this thing I read on stupidhousewise.com about Taylor Armstrong's book. But before it even came out,

they can't have reviews until the book's released, obviously. But what they do have is tags customers associate with this product. So people go on to Amazon and write tags. Okay, so this was on stupidhousewives.com. And I just think it's hilarious. I have it bookmarked because I laugh every time. Okay.

Tags customers associate with this product. Con artist, 69. Grifter, 65. Full of lies, 58. Domestic violence fraud, 51. Sociopathic women, 47. Borderline personality Women, 47. Borderline Personality Disorder, 44. Shauna Hughes, 42.

Fiction, 40. Manipulator, 40. Skank, 35. Lynette Sipe, 27, which I don't understand you. Lynette Sipe. Crocodile Tears, 23. Liar, 22. Shauna Lynettears, 23. Liar, 22. Shauna Lynette Taylor, 19.

Shaft, 17. Disgusting, 12. Eater of Crow, 11. That's a good one. Eater of Crow. Shame on Publisher, 10. Histronic Figures, I don't think that's right, but 9. Published Should Recall, 8.

Lesbian, seven. Despicable excuse for a human being, six. It's like, Jesus, man. That's her Amazon book before it's even released. Jesus. Wow. Wow. You got to love it.

But one thing I thought was interesting in here, and I wanted to ask you about it, is lesbian. Because the rumors were that she's banging the lesbian from OC. What's her name? Yes, Fernanda. I heard about that. And Fernanda, I think, confirmed it. Did she not? I'll type it into the old handy Google.

Fernanda. I mean it seems like a strange move for Taylor because I feel like the other ladies would look down on that. And I think she's very cognizant of staying in the good graces of the likes of Lisa and Kyle and all them. and all them. Well, I don't know. But the story on realitytea.com is the headline is Real Housewives Taylor Armstrong lesbian fling confirmed by

Fernanda Rocha. Says Taylor hurt her. A scorned Fernanda tells InTouch that despite their crazy chemistry, Taylor had no problem tossing her aside once she realized the hookup wasn't good for her image. See? Well, Fernanda...

You have to wonder about Fernanda, though. I mean, she's desperate to be on, I think, to be on camera. I mean, I think she was supposed to be the part of the cast of the OC last season, and then she never made it on, officially, so I think she's just trying to ruffle some feathers

or maybe or maybe maybe taylor got drunk and kissed her like once you know and fernanda thought it was a relationship you know those things do happen yeah well i thought it was funny on oc when fernanda's trying to go after stupid evil what's-her-buns tamra i don't cut i black these women out until they come back on my tv. But she's trying to date Tamara and all that. And then she's in the gym with some – I think it was Lynn, right? Listen to Lynn. And Lynn's grilling her about it. And then we find out that Fernanda's big, bull-dyed softball coach ex-lover who runs this gym with her is all jealous.

And they're still kind of together. He's like, geez, Fernanda. Well, you know who Fernanda's next target is? What's her face from Top Chef? The short-haired beauty. Oh, God. No, I think she needs one lipstick and one bull-like at the same time. And I think as long as she's got the gym with bull-like, she's going to leave lipstick.

She just needs lipstick. Yeah, she needs a new target. I don't know who it could be now, but there are plenty of options out there for her. Well, she's actually, Fernanda's quite hot, you know. Oh, yeah, she's gorgeous. She could land anyone that she wanted, that's for sure. But I couldn't be with anybody who's so positive.

I hate that fake positivity, because normally people like that are crazy and evil underneath it all and it comes out in a fight later. They always start off like oh, you just need to know the spirit of your soul. If you stop concentrating on fighting and concentrate on the

feeling and the love in the world, you get into a fight with that. You don't do the dishes one night and they're like your mother never loved you, you piece shit you know like their darkness comes out yeah oh for sure you know uh why i could never be with someone uh like fernanda she's a foreigner no just kidding although you have to admit her little like naturalization party was the saddest party that has ever been filmed on the housewives if you don't even remember it yeah that's how bad it was it was.

It was like her sitting there with her, like two people holding American flags and waiting for Tamara to show up. And Tamara's like, oh, sorry, I was moving. Oh, yeah, it's like, it hurt my feelings. And Tamara's like, it hurts my feelings that you don't understand that I'm moving. How selfish.

I love those women. Oh, those evil bitches. Is there anything else before we wrap up? Are there any other shows on Bravo you've been checking out? No, I'm pretty much a top chef and Real Housewives boy. I have to draw the line at a lot of Bravo stuff. Chef Roble, I cannot watch a show

with another faux hawk and a guy that's riding a skateboard in his own promo. No, you're too old. Grow up. What else is on there? Tabitha. I've been meaning to watch. We talked about this again last week that, you know, in the podcast that was destroyed about how she did a makeover for Ripples, the gay bar down in Long Beach.

So I'm intrigued to see how she fares with that. Although I've never been to Ripples. Although I believe you said that you used to comment it quite frequently or used to frequent it quite. Yeah, I used to live. I used to live been to Ripple's. Although I believe you said that you used to come in it quite frequently? Or used to frequent it quite commonly? Yeah, I used to live a couple blocks from there years and years ago. And yeah, that place definitely needs

a good sponge bath. So I'm glad she gave it to him. I would like Tabitha to take over my apartment because no matter what I try to do, this place still looks like a sty. What can i say i don't want tabitha anywhere near me i don't like people calling on my calling me on my shit and i've got plenty of shit she'd just come in here and yell at me all day get out of here she would

yell at me for sure although i met her once and she was absolutely lovely but then again she also wasn't critiquing me so that just goes to show you you know something i don't know what it shows you shows you that i just it just shows that I just bragged that I met her. That's what that shows you. Well, yeah. You're like, I get out of my house. Ha-ha. Well, how about Bethany coming back?

What do you think about that? It doesn't do anything for me. You know, I like Bethany. I liked her in the context of The Real Housewives. I think that her show is – it's fine. It's better than you would think, but I do find it to be a little indulgent and – A little? Self-indulgent.

And it's like a little bit of Bethany goes a long way for me. I mean how many times can I sit there and watch her have a neurotic breakdown over something minor and have that guy, Jason, just sort of sit there and be like, what's wrong, babe? How you doing, babe? I can't believe you threw me a birthday party. Yeah.

And everything always seems to come back to some awful memory with her father. Like he gives her like a, like a, some broccoli. It's like, oh my God, this is just like my dad used to give me that. That's by the way,

my Bethany impersonation. Not very good. Not very good. When you're twice the age that your dad was when he had you, it's time to get the fuck over it. Okay? Yeah. But I love that this season seems to be about that her marriage is miserable. It is.

That's what it looks like. It's called Bethany Ever After, and the first preview is, Bethany, you saw Bethany get married, and you saw Bethany have After in the first preview is, Bethany, you saw Bethany get married and you saw Bethany have a baby and now you see her stuck in a loveless marriage. And then Jason's like, oh, I can't do it. She's like, I need an apology. He's like, screw it. I won't do it. Like stalking off.

And then she's like, oh, we don't even have sex. His dick has cobwebs on it. Oh, no. That wasn't long have sex. His dick has cobwebs on it. No, that wasn't long. Yeah. Yeah, well, the only thing I'm excited for is this ridiculous boating excursion that she goes on. Remember how she got lost at sea? Bethany gets lost at sea?

Yes. And so it was like the whole thing, like they were missing, you know, in the sea for all of like three hours, okay? And then like they finally like got back on course and they like released like 10 million press releases being like, I was lost at sea. Meanwhile, then the next day the skipper says, no, we weren't lost at sea. They just told us to act like they were lost at sea and Bravo made me do this or that. So it's not even sure that she was lost at sea. And who cares if she was lost at sea? And could this be a more ridiculous twist that the season is going to come down to the fact that she is on the open water lost i mean is this what bravo has come to well i think the important part is

that if she really was lost at sea it means jill zarin has magical powers she's officially a witch jill zarin was probably like offended that she wasn't invited to be on the boat that was lost at sea. Or with the cruise... Whatever they call that. How many times do I have to apologize? She... I wonder what... There's talk that Jill Zarin is shopping around her own show,

but I don't think she'll meet with much success on that front. No, no, no. No, no. God, no. Please, no. You know what? I'm going to start praying again just for that. Be like, world peace, world peace. Please don't let Jill Zarin get her own show, and I'd love to lose 30 pounds. Amen. Well, I mean, it would literally be a show about Jill Zarin making a line of Spanx. I mean, that's really what it would be, and I don't know. That's just not very appetizing to me. And they're like ghetto Spanx. I mean, that's really what it would be. And I don't know. That's just not very appetizing to me.

And they're like ghetto Spanx. They're not even as good as real Spanx. There's already Spanx. They probably complain when you get in. They probably go, ow! You gotta get in so hard? You gotta squeeze me like that? I'm a woman, not toothpaste.

Bobby! So wrong you go up a size? You do what you want. It's a free world. But I think it would look better if you went up a size. You should let it out a little bit. You're trying to impress. She should make the anti-spanx.

Just put it on your body that's useless. And it itches so you complain all day. And it talks to you about bagels. Go ahead, have another bagel. Have another bagel. You know what, you only have tomorrow. You only live once. Have a bagel. Bobby, get a bagel. I need some fabric. I need some fabric for my Spanx.

Are you excited about the Real Housewives of Bev Hills reunions coming up? Yeah, but I'm bummed that Kim isn't going to be there. I mean, she is like the breakout star this season with her slurry words and strange non-sequiturs. Oh, she is so pissed. I just read a quote of her today saying she would do – I think this was also on that Housewives site. She would do an interview with Andy as long as Kyle wasn't there.

It's like, Jesus, did Kyle put crystal meth into your system? What the hell is your problem? Yeah. Well, her problem is that she's on crystal meth. I guess. I was really looking forward to seeing Kim get called out for some of her bullshit. I mean I know you're not really supposed to call out someone who's in recovery probably, but it still would have been fun. Whatever.

She ain't in recovery. She went. She left. She went again. She tried to break out. Come on now. What could she possibly be mad at Kyle for? I mean is she really so hung up on the fact that Kyle speaks on her cell phone when she drives without a headpiece?

I mean is that really what it is? No, I think she feels like she looks like an idiot on TV because Kyle's calling her out and not just letting her do whatever she wants. It's like a typical drug addict thing, you know? They're not the asshole for being drunk and barfing all over the Christmas table. You're the asshole

for saying in front of guests that they barfed on the Christmas table. Well, at least she broke up with Ken. That's a move in the right direction. I guess. But he seemed like everyone says he's such an asshole. But in that episode that we saw with him dealing with her the whole time, he looked like a saint to me. Yeah.

I mean, if I were him, I don't know how. I mean, I could see dealing with her how I would be pushed to the point where I say something very nasty. But he wasn't being nasty. He was just saying, babe, we're late. We're half an hour late. Babe, we're still late. Just put on your shoes, babe. Don't put that in your nose. No, babe. No, you don't inject that. That's a lamp. You plug that into the wall. Come on,

babe. You're going to hurt yourself. Don't walk into the street, babe. To me, it was like training a puppy. You can't get mad at the puppy owner that the puppy's shitting all over the place. I'm also not convinced that they're broken up i mean just because kim says they're broken up doesn't mean that that's the reality i mean she probably thinks she's dating a lampshade right now and she's still with him you know he's like um i'm right here i sure know how to turn him on she's like i like the way he looks i like the look of his body the way it's like, I like the way he looks. I like the look of his body.

The way it's like short at the top and wide at the bottom. And there's a light on the inside. When I stare into him, I can see spots for days. Days. And like if I'm in a dark room, he lights up the whole room. Like literally. You know, when people say that they like to have a boyfriend who lights up a room, mine actually does. And he's really skinny underneath his head.

He's like a pole. He'll be all dark and moody, and then I clap. And then he's totally turned on. He's like lip gloss. But sometimes he totally checks out. Like, I go to, like, touch him, and there's, like, a flash, and then he's just always dark. Until he's finally like, go to the store and buy me a new brain. So I go, I buy him a new brain, and I screw it in, and then he's just always dark until he's finally like go to the store and buy me a new brain so i go i buy him a new brain and i screw it in and then he comes to life again his his brains were outlawed he has to have a healthy brain now to comply with government

standards now his brain lasts like five years longer. So that's really great. I really like it. It gives off radiation, but it's good for global warming. He gets really scared in blackouts, though. When the power goes out, he will not talk. Oh, Kim. Please don't leave the housewives. Please, Kim. We need Kim and Marisol.

I mean, what's her face? Brandy? Whatever the name of the old lady from Miami. We need her to get together. Elsa. Elsa. I am a witch. Oh, you know he's wrong.

Kim, why are you dating a lampshade? You need to find a UK man, Kim. I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. Kim. I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. Kim. Kim, Scully Beepin is cheating on you, Kim. Kim, why you let your sister share all she's about you? Oh, we owe Bravo a thanks, by the way, for picking up Real Housewives of Miami.

You know that, right? Yes, I do. Season two on the way. I'm actually excited for it. I'm hoping that they get it right. And I think that they will. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold,

a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and

death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. think about when they hear the words black history rosa parks reconstruction mlk february

black history exactly exactly there are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about especially outside of february and we are about to flip the script on all of that because on this show you're to hear a little less. In August, 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow black history for real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your

podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad free on Wondery plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. They will. I am going to miss Krista. Oh, shit. I can't believe she got mad at me for not paying anything.

I hurt her in that. Could you imagine how What's Her Bun's crazy chicken lady would have dealt with Meanie going to that charity party and not spending any money? How do you go? How do you go to a charity party? Not spend a dime. Hey, Meanie, I sent you a bill, an invoice. Invoice it. I invoiced the jewelry. How fun is that?

All the voices. You know, Miami was a terrible season, but man, some great voices came out of that. I know. It can't ever be on at the same time as Beverly Hills because my Kim voice and my crazy chicken lady voice are the same. Oh, really? Yeah. See, my Leah voice is, how crazy is that?

My Kim voice is more like, oh, how do you do that? It's a little more husky, you know? How do you do that? It's a little more husky, you know? My Andy Rooney, my Kim Richards, my chicken lady from Miami, and my Ron Paul voice are all the same. Hey, how come you didn't love her? How fun is that? I have to work on my Bethany as evidenced earlier in this podcast because I just started sounding like this, which I think is your Adrian Maloof voice.

So I've got to come up with a better Bethany voice. And I think I'm pretty good with my Ramona. This is my Ramona voice. My Ramona singer voice sounds like this. I like my Ramona. I also got to work on all my Atlanta voices. They all sort of just do a stereotypical black woman thing, like, hey, girl. They all just sort of sound like that,

which isn't really the truth, you know? Well, kind of. I mean, they have kind of the same accent, but I think you differentiate them because Sharae is really high and haughty. Yeah, Sharae is really high and haughty when she gets excited. She's just like, maybe not.

I'll work on it. It's a work in progress, you know? We got a whole, we got a whole many more of these podcasts to do. Yeah, maybe after a decade ends, we'll be able to do all the voices really perfectly. Exactly. And then we'll work on our Andy Cohen voice and our Chef Roble and company voice and our Padma voice. Well, I think I have a Padma voice where she sort of – well, no, I don't think I have it.

I was about to do it, but I don't think it was real. I'm going to work on it. I'll save it for next. I don't want to embarrass myself anymore. It wasn't real. It wasn't a good one. It's always sort of like a – sort of like a, chefs, please pack your knives. No, no, see, it doesn't work.

It just sort of sounds like me being exasperated. She's just like bad actress voice. Chefs, please pack your knives and go like you've said this 5 000 times can you at least pretend to know what you're gonna say it's like she's even reading that off a cue card well i always have this joke i haven't done a top chef photo cap in maybe like a year but i always had this perpetual joke that padma was always um passive aggressively putting down gail and saying things like, well, I'm positively fooled, but Gale, she'll eat anything, so just give it to her. And Gale's probably like, wait, what?

How could you be missing this season of all seasons? This is one of the best they've had in a while, I think. I'll tell you why, because when I do my photo caps, I pull from the media that Bravo puts up, the screen grabs. And Bravo doesn't put up really screen grabs for Top Chef. They actually have a photographer who's on set who takes pictures. So it's like half a million pictures of the chefs cooking things and, like, one picture of the judges.

And I do almost all the jokes over the judges, you know, because it always comes down to Padma doing these roundabout passive aggressive gestures towards gail so if i can't do padma jokes i mean what's the point and people are always saying people are always like why do you make fun of gail so much she's not fat i'm like no i don't think gail is actually fat and i'm not making fun of gail i'm making fun of a fictionalized version of Padma that thinks that Gail is fat because Padma is a supermodel. So anyone who's not a supermodel, Padma thinks is fat. Well, and one of the most fun things about Gail and what I always made fun of in my Top

Chef recaps was her horrible sense of style. I mean the poor thing just cannot get dressed in the morning. I don't know who does it for her. And she came to a restaurant that I worked at for, she came for food and wine. And she had to come a couple of times because the first time she came, you know, with just a friend or whoever. And the second time she came to actually photograph it and

have the staff there and all that stuff. And in real life, she's very tiny. She's very thin looking. You know, she doesn't look like frumpy or chunky or anything. That's right. We saw her in person when we were at the taping of Top Chef Just Desserts, in fact. Yes. That was so disappointing because that shit was terrible.

You're such a positive person because you found stuff to enjoy, but I was like, no. Yeah. For the readers or the listeners, we went to the taping of the Beastie Boys episode where they had to make weird desserts out of, like, potatoes and chicken and, I don't know, falafel. It was gross. Yeah, it was nasty. And we didn't even call who got kicked off

that episode, because we thought the girl who just made french fries for dessert would get kicked off. Remember? Well, I thought it was either going to be her or the falafel panna cotta, and falafel panna cotta went home, I believe, remember? Well, I thought it was either going to be her or the falafel panna cotta, and falafel panna cotta went home, I believe, right? But french fries should have gone home. That weird-looking girl. Yeah, french fries should have gone home

for sure. For sure! She made french fries with, like, dessert ketchup. That was the dumbest thing ever. You know, the best thing that I did last year was that I went to Top Chef Masters, and they had, like, a close-up of me eating a quesadilla and now every single time that episode

re-airs, which apparently is all the time, I get an influx of people who are like, hey, I saw you on TV, and then I feel cool. Here goes our Top Chef! It's on your resume now. I was eating a quesadilla on Top Chef. How fun is that?

How fun is that? How fun is that? My boyfriend, he really likes the quesadillas. But whenever I put a quesadilla in his face, everyone's like, stop putting a quesadilla on the lamp. And I'm like, no, that's my boyfriend. See, your Kim is the same as your crazy chicken lady. No, no, because Kim, I make her more breathy. And crazy chicken lady, I just go like because Kim, I make her more breathy. And crazy chicken lady, I just go like this.

It's more like, ah! Kim is more like this. Like that. All right, well, we're 55 minutes in, so I think we should just end this bullshit. We've talked about nothing for an hour. Except Bravo.

So everyone, thanks for listening and subscribe. This is going to be on iTunes and it's also going to be found on the Sideshow Network, sideshownetwork.tv alongside other podcasts by Frangela and George Lopez and me. I have my B-Side blog

podcast up there, Banter with Ben and Lisa. And then I'm sure you will be putting this on TVgasm next to your great recaps of The Real Housewives, both written and with the video. Yeah, I do the video recaps every week. I'm going to get to work on that now. And then my regular Housewives recaps. And yeah, I'll post those there on TVgasm as well. Awesome. Well, thanks very much, Ronnie.

And hopefully I will be speaking with you next week. And hopefully Matt Whitfield will be able to join us. We'll have three of us. And if not Matt, we'll get a lady. And if we do have Matt, we'll get a lady to join in. Yeah. We'll just have fun with that. We'll have fun with it.

We will. All right. Bye, everyone. Fun times. Bye. Bye.