We Might Be Drunk - 195: Whiskey Business: Bodega Cat

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

Just the gays on tonight's episode 195 with laughs and fun for the whole group. Big thanks to  @Metanoiz  for sending us a song inspired by the show. Give them a follow and subscribe to them. Podcast Sponsors:   Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Sheath order at https://www.sheathunderwear.com with promo code DRUNK Support the show & sign up for your $1 per month Shopify trial period at https://www.shopify.com/drunk Support the show and get 50% off your 1 st Factor bow, plus 20% off your next month and use code DRUNK50 at https://www.factormeals.com/DRUNK50 Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/?hl=en 

Hey, hey folks, here we are! We're here, we're queer, we got the Winchester, the Winston, Zettelmore, Wingus, Maxi Pad with wings. Wingosity. Yeah, Wings TV show, remember that on USA? Wings. With Tony Shalhoub and uh. He's been around. The other guy, Thomas Hayden Church.

I used to love that show. Yeah man. That was about an airport in Cape Cod. I never watched, I remember it. Oh, I watched a lot of USA, remember USA Up all night. With Rhonda Shear, oh man, she was hot. Damn. Did a lot of TV Weber? Yeah, even Weber? Yeah, and there was the hot guy Tim Daly. Yes. He's gonna. He's like still a hottie. Oh, yeah

It's like 70. I know real dill the amount of pussy probably got off of this horrific show is mind-boggling Look at that all white cast that Penn from Penn and Teller? No. What was that? I can't see. My eyes suck. Mr. Belvedere I think. I don't know. I can't keep up. The 90s. My dad plopped me in front of a TV and said don't talk to me. That's the American way. Yeah. I got a lot of this. I'd go, dad you're not going to believe what happened at school. He would go... And you know as a retarded nine-year-old you're like all right. He caught my attention It's no different now except. It's a fucking iPad or something good point good point I'm listening to this Jonathan height you hear about this guy. No. He's a NYU professor. He's like cracking down on phones

He's like phones are ruining our youth. We got to stop the social media Highly recommend this guy, but I listen to a podcast with him in areas And he's just he's making some great points looks like Epstein Well, he's a he's a New York Jew, but he's a look at all these books. He's written the anxious generation Friends with Seinfeld. All right. Mm-hmm Friends with Seinfeld. All right. You should use it as an icebreaker. I thought about that. I thought about going,

hey Jerry, you heard this pod yet? Oh yeah. Little bodega cat. Hey, hey. Nice and early. It's 8am over here in New York. Um... Did you drink hard this weekend? I did, yeah.

By the way, that guy I wreck? Jonathan Haidt? Yeah, I'll wreck Haidt, yeah. Good guy, good writer. He's got great points. Where were you drinking? I had a spot in Richmond. You hit Purleys?

I forgot about Purleys. Oh, sorry, Wingus. Don't wake the dead. Me and Chris Allen were driving from Richmond to Greensboro, we're like two hours in, we're like, we forgot to go to Pearly's! He likes Pearly's? He loves Pearly's. He lives in DC, so he knows the area.

God, Pearly's fucking rules. So good, I've been before, loved it. Flight canceled, had to get another flight with a connection, we had to push the show an hour late, brutal. Animals. Delta, what are you doing out there? Delta's killing us.

I know, they were the number one. Yeah. They were the best. They always fall sooner or later. Yeah, I got loaded. I was in, I did a casino gig with Chrissy D., Nemesh, Rachel. Nemesh stays like downtown. He wants to be in like a cool park.

Chris and I are like, yeah, we'll do the casino, whatever. What city? We're in Prior Lake, Minnesota. Oh, wow, okay. Yeah. It's a cool,, Chris and I are like, yeah, we'll do the casino, whatever. What city? We're in Prior Lake, Minnesota. Oh, wow, okay. Yeah, it's a cool, it's a decent casino. I was gonna say cool, it's fine. Mystic Lake Casino. Okay. You know that one.

I've heard that, yeah. Yeah, yeah, we do that, we do a gig, great crowd. Neemash is like, you gotta come for this chicken. We look on Uber, we're like 35 minutes away. Oh, crazy. It's like 1030, and he's, we're riffing on stage, he's a I got a reservation we're like yeah you're staying in the casino right yeah I was like fuck that and Chris is his whole family with him his daughter's fucking hilarious oh yeah we're at the airport Chris goes look at

Sam she goes oh he was oh is is Nimesh gonna be here too? Oh man. I did his podcast at his house and his daughter walked in the frame. We're all on mic and she goes, who's that? Pointing at some guy on TV. She goes, he looks like an asshole. Oh yeah.

We lost it. She's been around a comedian too much. Yes. To the point that she now insults me nonstop and I was like, does your kid hate me? She's like, no, she's like, it's like her term of endearment. Yeah, she's riffing. She thinks she's Rickles. She's like look at this ugly guy. I'm like she's like, I guess I look bad. She goes look at your teeth, what's wrong with your teeth? Jesus Christ. I was like,

you know. You got nice teeth. I just got them widened, thanks for noticing. Yeah, but she's hilarious. And then we end up in DC, we end up at, we end up just going to this place, Shaw's Crab House. I go there every time I'm in Chicago. That's right up my anal. Well, I don't even know what it is, but I'm in. Veeder found it originally. Yes.

It's a Gary doesn't miss find. Veeder can find crabs. Yeah, yeah, oh Oh he finds them and Every time I'm in one of these places. I think that Richard Jenny joke with the the lobsters in the tank Oh, so good. They all have that look on their face like any word from the governor Such a good bit so good, but yeah, we get loaded there. It's you know, wow, you know his his partners with us Jazz, you know, oh, yeah Good-looking lady

Light she walks by in yoga pants and bends over and Chris like points to his wife's butt like check this She doesn't quite the room. I follow her on Instagram I stopped Unfollowed well you get, you don't want to... Your wife sees who you follow? I'll be looking at another guy, a friend of mine's wife, while I'm married. But when you're single, it's okay to look at his girlfriend? Yeah, I'd say so. It always weird is when you follow the ex, and then they break up, and you're like,

oh, cool, that chick that ruined my friend's life got into yoga, I guess. That's nice. But yeah, we're at dinner, we're getting loaded. It starts with just like a round of martinis, then we felt like we were in Mad Men. I was like, what's another round of martinis? I was like, what the hell? No stopping now.

We start getting loaded, then he's like, another round? I'm like, all right, another round. Wow. We just keep throwing them down. And then- Boos and crabs too. What a fun night. Oh my God. Cracking them open, you got the bib on, the cocktail, that's the best. Good sushi there too, everything's good there man.

The kids get their mac and cheese, it's killer. It's got like a PJ Clarks type of vibe. Love it. The seafood and the good martinis. So then Chris is like, let's go on a architecture tour. I'm like looking at my, I'm like, all right. It's like. At this hour?

It's like nine. Yeah. Yeah, he's like, come on, the kids will be into it. The kids are like passed out too, you know. We get on the boat, it's like one of those things. Boat? Yeah, yeah, it's like a river tour. Whoa.

So we get on the boat and it's a woman leading this. And it's a woman, like it's her show. So she's like making jokes. Uh-huh. And you know's her show, so she's like making jokes. And you know, not great, but she's like, no talking while I'm talking, no TikToks open, and I'm like, did we just get hammered and now we just have to like look at each other in silence? The kids are passed out on Chris,

we're just like looking at each other like, oh, all right. Wow, I can't believe you went on the boat at nine at night. Jazz apparently got sick from the oysters. Oh! I will say I had fucking some mean diarrhea. Yeah. You know when you try to hit the gym the next day and you're like, and you're like, I'm gonna hit the gym.

I left twice to take a shit. Wow. It was bad. Damn. And then I had to go do Pardon My Take in Chicago. Woo! They'd have you do the gauntlet, that thing where it's like an athletic challenge.

Let's just say my time was not good. And it sucks when you're like, well I do have diarrhea and I'm hung over and they're like, no excuses? You're like, no excuses. Yeah. Well that's a bad combo. Seafood, booze, seasick. That's a rough thing on the stomach there.

That is hard. But you made it. You showed up. It's a lot. on the stomach there. Yeah. That is hard, but you made it. It's a lot. You showed up. It's a lot. We were bombed. We were both singing that song from all that jazz. I think I'm gonna die.

What the fuck's wrong with these people? And shout out to the kids for hanging in there. Most kids go to bed at like 6 p.m. These kids are on a river boat. They were out cold. Okay. Yeah. Just out on a boat?

Yeah. That's wild. Good life, are on a river boat. They were out cold. Okay. Yeah. Just out on a boat? Yeah. That's wild. Good life, they live a good life. Those tour guides, they always try to be funny, they always try to riff, because they have no competition. Because it's crazy, I think Tim Dillon was a tour guide. Right.

He was probably funny, he's up on the double deck, they're like, ah, then Masad owns this house. He probably got discovered. Yeah. There we are, look at us. Wow! That's great. Yeah, we had a few of those.

Now Rachel? She was in, no, Chris just happened to go to Chicago with his family. Oh, okay. So I was there afterwards to do part of my take. Got it. Because it's not far from Minnesota. No, we were in Minnesota together. Got it.

Yeah, we were hanging in Minnesota. We were throwing back some Manhattans. Woo! It's one of those weird, like, we can in Minnesota together. Got it. Yeah, we were hanging in Minnesota. We were throwing back some Manhattans. Woo! It's one of those weird, like, we can't get you alcohol. Yeah, what is that? One of those weird casinos. I don't know, dry, weird. He was like, the Watcha Cheaty people.

I'm like, of course, yes. The Watcha Cheaty, some spirit reason, I don't know. I don't know, every Native American I've met is shithoused. Yeah. So what the hell, come on. Yeah, but they're allowed to, but they don't let the others. Ah, yeah, true. Maybe it's bad for the entertainment, I don't know.

That makes sense. There was one comic who came in and ruined that shit. That's true. Anytime you go to a comedy club, they're like, Vic Henley was here in 97. He had six bottles of Patron. Yeah, that's true. Oh cool, so now we have to pay for it, you know?

And then you do the gig, and they're like, we'll get you a vodka soda, and they give it to you in a sippy cup with a lid and they're like, we'll get you a vodka soda and they give it to you in a sippy cup with a lid and a squirrely straw. You're like, what is this? The Gavita and even smaller one. One time I did a gig at the Miami Improv. Are you doing that soon?

I did it a couple weeks ago. Okay. I love that room. It's a great room. That staff is awesome. Great staff. Shout out Justin, Melissa, awesome. The best, they bought me new balances once just to be nice. That's, what's his name, Komen. Yes out Justin, Melissa, awesome. The best, they bought me new balances once, just to be nice.

That's, what's his name, Komen. Yes. Yeah, yeah. They were a little too flashy, I've never worn them. I wanna see them. And they're purple and neon. Purple? They're super cool, but I feel guilty, I've never worn them, but they did such a nice gesture.

Yo, these are the new balance grimaces right here. I'll pick these out. We got the Barneys. So, they pick you up in a limo. It's like the 80s. They pick you up in a limo and there's some cool Hispanic guy with aviators on. He's like, yo, SA, what you getting into tonight? I'm like, ah, you know, you're hungover from the flight. I'm like, ah, you know, whatever, whatever the town brings me. He goes, you need coke, you need whores, I got you. And I'm like, oh. And I was like, who else do you get some whores for?

And he goes, John Panette. Apparently Panette would ask for a bottle of tequila when he landed, some blow, and then hookers at night. Yeah, Jesus Christ, I got an appetite for a lot of good. Yeah. Blowin' to be eating that much is weird. Crazy. That ain't good.

Farley too, Farley was a big blow guy. That's right. Yeah, when you're fat and you do blow, your heart is like, what are you doing to me? I know. Why are you doing this? Yeah. But it's all those fat dudes.

I was watching a Babe Ruth doc and it's pretty bad. It's on max. I mean, he's amazing. It is funny that there's just no black people playing. They're like, this is the greatest athlete I've ever seen I'm like not one black Dominican He'd have to go against any of the you know the knee there's some Negro Leagues guys putting up some crazy numbers sure But you know he was amazing

There's no denying baby with was amazing and you look at what he ate in a crazy four hot dogs for lunch Two rib eyes for dinner a ton of booze, a giant Coca-Cola, even when he's not drinking alcohol, he's just drinking like sugar water. And cigars. Cigars. Scotch. Sausage.

Wow. Eight egg breakfast. And there's one line, it's just like a hero worship documentary. It's like a PR fluff piece where, you know, they're like, Babe Ruth adopted a kid with a woman and then he walked out on her. Anyway, Babe Ruth, the things he did

for those cancer-ridden children were the Lord's work. Wow, yeah, what would he die at, like, 54? 50. Okay, there you go. I think he had some sort of cancer. They didn't even tell him he had cancer, that was the weird part. Whoa, really?

They were like, yeah, you're just not, well, it was back in the day, they were like, oh 53. I was wrong. So they didn't want to upset him Yeah, it was like by the way. I would be pretty upset if you didn't tell me I was dying Yeah, right. I mean well they want to keep playing I guess But he was a fucking booze bag party animal and then he just like He had a kind of a sad end of his life sure but. But when you are flying that high, that young. Yeah, give me a wide shot, no pun intended, of Babe Ruth, because even with the steaks and the booze and the cigars

and the hot dogs and the Coca-Cola, he still is thinner than my uncle, who is like a tax attorney. He was, and they show clips of him, and they're like, he was so fast. All the clips are sped up though. Just like spinning around, I'm like, all right, well he might've, apparently he was fast.

Yeah, he looked fast, his little legs could really go, but he's not even that huge. He's got the body type of Winnie, kind of the hefty, the little legs, but the. The fat middle, like he says, is one long chode. But yeah, he's not even I guess he's pretty pretty big there But man is he an ugly ugly son of a B. No one looks like him. No, it's not a normal face my ex But I had to get out. Oh there. He is with the the Asians. That's fun. Oh, man. He was uh

He was iconic though. Oh, yeah, I mean I mean everyone loved him on the team. He was like the party animal playing cards, like getting loaded all night. Love it. Took you under his wing. Like that must have been pretty cool. And it was back when sports figures were like, they were like gods, you know.

They were like, oh the babe, there he is. He's seven foot tall, he's a foot. He can crack a bat 20 million miles. You know, that whole thing. It was almost like a Superman figure Exactly and like the type of legend who would refer to himself in third person and wasn't annoying Yeah, go to this restaurant and tell him the babe sent you You know, but he uh, it's pretty cool the way he like he did lift up his teammates

I mean it was it was he's iconic, but the doc was so bad It's just people being like he was the greatest man who ever lived. Right, right. We loved Babe Ruth. Come on. I watched the Yogi Berra doc. I bet that was good. It's good, but not as, they're like, he was a little dumb, a little slow, immigrant family,

barely spoke English, big WAP, ugly Guinea, about four foot one. They really gave him the business. He was awesome though. So cool. It ain't over till it's over, is the most iconic sports quote. He's got a, it's deja vu all over again.

I mean his lines are like Groucho Marx-esque, but the beauty is he didn't know he was saying funny. He wasn't trying to be funny. He was just kind of slow. Yeah. And he was just saying it was almost like a kid talking, where you're like, oh, that's kind of brilliant, but you don't even know it.

Yeah, there's a story like he, you know, he was on a team with DiMaggio and there was one time he grounded out to shortstop or whatever and he didn't hustle. And he came back to the dugout, he goes, oh, you're just not gonna run? And he never didn't hustle. Like just all that took was like one comment.

Oh, good. Like, you think you're better than us? Yeah. Like, fuck you, you hustle. Hell yeah. Yeah, I love, I've been on a YouTube kick with, speaking iconic, I watched a Michael Jackson dance scene from the MTV Movie Awards in 1995. Wow. It's unbelievable. He was unreal. It's like Broadway level, Hamilton,

cats, Les Mis, it's the choreography. Cats? Well, alright. He's fucking crushing cats. What are we doing here? Well, it's just so good. Don't fuck with cats. But he's like, it's like 15 minutes long and he never stops dancing. At one point he gives like a motivational thing in the middle and he's out of breath and then he goes right back to dancing. Four costume changes.

At the end he brings all the kids on stage and he hugs them all. That was weird. But great. It was weird, but great It was like you don't see that anymore. There's no message. There's no like hey we got to end Apartheid or whatever he's just like Killing it and it's raw talent It's amazing when you think like which a lot of people think of Michael Jackson is unhealthy a drug addict Yeah, and then you see is in that kind of like athlete shape athlete like think about

I'll walk up like four flights of stairs I'm like oh, yeah same you know and he does the moon. I got chills. He did the moonwalk and everybody goes It's like Elvis. Oh, dude. I was watching it's so weird you said that I went on a Michael Jackson music video kick recently I'm watching like smooth criminal. Oh, yeah thriller. Yes fucking movies their They're movies. They're legit movies. John Landis did thriller did he? I think one of those guys did thriller like someone big real director Yeah, it it's it's he's such an artist. It's incredible. But then you're right. Oh, wow. He did a You got to think this kid's been Performing since he was like five and he just became over years, 10,000 hours. It's like learning a language when you're a baby,

you just speak to Spanish to a baby and the baby grows up speaking Spanish. Oh, he doesn't know how not to speak Spanish. Right. So this is basically child slavery. Yeah, but we got the pyramid. We got the best. Yes, exactly.

Tiger Woods playing golf at like two years old doing putts. It's not a good childhood. Sure, but it's great for the viewer. Yeah, child abuse when it works. Pretty cool. Pretty cool, yeah, if you channel child abuse into a skill, it's pretty amazing. Pretty cool.

Because it's just so many hours of, Scorsese, what did he do? Wait, what about Dan Acquard? What's going on? Oh, he did Bad. Hoyt Schirmerhorn subway stop, by the way. Bad's filmed. No shit.

Yeah, yeah. What did Aykroyd do? Aykroyd did Bad as well? No. He appeared in Lib, Liberian Girl video. Oh, never heard of that one. But it's crazy too, when you start thinking, I'm watching the Michael Jackson thing,

and I'm just thinking about the 90s, and I'm like, okay, so he's the king of pop. And then they cut to Lisa Marie Presley in the audience and I'm like oh wow he's fucking Elvis's daughter he used to be black now he's white and he's a pet there's so much so many layers to Michael Jackson. Yeah. So it's crazy I never even put all that together. Elvis wanted to be black.

Yeah. Maybe on some level He's glad a black guy's fucking his daughter Like an onion Elvis wanted to be black like now Wait, you don't want to be black in the 50s. That's true. Yeah, you want to be black with your rights, right? You know, yeah. Yeah, exactly But yeah, damn, I mean Yeah, he was fucking. But, damn, I mean, yeah, he was fuckin' iconic.

Iconic. Michael Jackson, incredible. Remember where you were when he died? No, but I remember Kurt Metzger's joke about it. Oh, what's that, was that again? He was at his grandmother's funeral, and someone walked in like, something horrible has happened.

Ha ha ha ha, that's great. Farrah Fawcett died the same day, no one cared. I remember I was on a show, okay I remember I remember where was it went the moment he died but I remember where was that night I did my old show at the Sage Theatre. Mm-hmm. Oh yeah. And then Alexandra Kump came on stage. Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died and Ted Alexander was open or crushed he just goes uh wow what a day. Shack to the calves? Crushed. Perfect perfect because like what you know fairfax imagine dying the same day as Michael Jackson. Insane insane only 50 he had another 10 years of them.

Realistically maybe. I'm saying of like probably performing. Oh, I thought you meant living. Oh, no, no, no, no. But think of all the kids that didn't get diddled because he died early. That is. Oh, nine. I remember all the big bits. Do you think he was a diddler

or do you think he was just like a stunted childhood one? In either way, it's gross, but one is way worse, obviously. Of course, yeah. I think he was definitely off with the kid shit. I think his childhood fucked him up, and I think he had some repressed weirdo trauma that he would take out on these kids. Like, I never had a childhood,

so I love these innocent kids because they make me feel like a kid again, even something I never had. But I do think if you're laying in bed with a kid after a couple of McNuggets, you're gonna get a little handsy. It just kinda happens, you start cuddling, you have a few strawberry shakes

and a few rides on that Ferris wheel and talk to the monkey. You know what's probably hard about being a pedo is eating what the kids eat and then still trying to perform. You know what I mean? Like you're trying to get hard after 20 McNuggets, that's not easy.

Yeah, the dinosaur McNuggets, come on. Those are tough, man. Yeah, yeah. You have a McFlurry, you're just like, it's not working. You know? Yeah, you get diabetes eventually from all the candy. That's a good point, I never thought about that. I had this thought the other day,

my lady loves true crime as every woman does, and there's all these horrific B actors who do the reenactments. You know, they're like. And I'm like, these murderers are keeping these shitty actors in work. They're keeping them working. Yes.

How much do you think they're really making? A Dateline actor, like the Adolf Hitler in the new Netflix one the he, the whole time, he's like. Yeah. I'm like, I mean, I don't think we're, this is exactly Laurence Olivier. Yeah, that's true.

It's just some dude who just is like, can be, I'm like, he's so, it sucks when you can notice he's that bad an actor that they're overacting as like the background. Yeah. It's like when an extra tries to do it too and you're like, no, just fucking walk by. Yes, yes, yeah, exactly. There's, you know, a scene where like the guy comes to and you're like no just fucking walk by yes. Yes. Yeah, exactly

There's you know a scene where like the guy comes in and you can tell he's mouthing because there's no dialogue So he's like your wife died and the guy goes That's it that's all bad. Yeah, yeah, they show him with a scotch, and he's just like oh, it's it's all But I guess they're acting you know acting is you know, acting as you want to act. I got a movie rec for you. Okay. I might have texted you already. Memories of Murder, the guy who did Parasite,

Bong Jung-Hoo. Oh, he's good. Dude, it's so good. Memories of Murder, is it old? It's his second movie. Okay, I've seen the train one. That's a good one. Spin, no. Something, yeah, Space Needle? Nothing. Snowpiercer. Snowpiercer! Close. Yeah it's a good one man.

Oh I'm all over it. It's a noir. Oh hell yeah. It's dark. Koreans, most talented Asians. I can back it up. They, when we're talking like film, they're pretty damn good. Yeah, 100%. I mean, they do Oldboy as well? If they did Oldboy. Yeah, yeah they did. Okay, and this guy, he's amazing. And Squid Game was Korean.

And BTS, I believe is Korean. They make good stuff. Yes. China obviously is maybe the most efficient of the Asians and I think Japanese is the slickest with the karate and the, what do you call it, the dojo. I think China's got some big movies.

Yeah, you're probably right. It's a big country. I don't know enough about it. Oh, okay. Joe was crazy Something about the the split between north and south. I think there's some this darkness some darkness there and darkness leads to good art I agree man good in war. Yeah, like good in warship came post World War two I mean Jews and black people best comics, you know, cuz they've struggled there and all that Black people's best comics, you know, because they've struggled there and all that Yeah, it's a lot of good non-jew and black comics too. I guess you got a Carlin burr CK Yeah, come on Quinn. I think every groups you got to be funny. That's true. Funny is is value

That's true currency, especially when you're young. Yeah Revival what is this Chinese? Oh especially when you're young. Yeah. Survival. What is this, Chinese? Ah, look at this. What? Kung Fu Hustle.

Ah, you got Crouching Tiger, that was pretty good. Ha ha ha. Air Shredding. Kung Fu Hustle's kinda fun. This is all, this is bargain bin compared to Korea. Joy Luck Club, get outta here. Good book. Was it?

Oh yeah, my mom, that's her favorite book. Really? Yeah she's a reader. She loved Joy Luck Club. Memories of Murder. You got a wreck? Oh you did wreck the thing. I wrecked Jonathan Hyde. Check him out. His book's great. He's working on another one. I think I saw a good movie. Damn I rewatched Lion King. Still holds up. Lion King? So good. You gotta save these for the kid. What are you doing here? It's Hamlet, the music's great, the hyenas, scar, it's great, good movie.

What, what, what? I was on a plane. God, you must've been crying like a bitch. I was crying. The altitude of a movie like that. Oh yeah, that's a true thing, by the way. Oh yeah. That's real. That's why I never break up with a woman on a flight That's the 9-eleven flight they must have been just water work

It's already a scary moment Best place to break up with a woman a library. Oh Gotta be quiet. That's good You mother Look at the sign yeah You mother shhh. Yeah, we'll get the sign. An old bit I gave a friend of mine, black guy, because I couldn't do it. I was like, you ever want to quiet it?

If someone yells the N-word in a restaurant, everybody's like, what the fuck? And everybody gets quiet. So if a library is too chatty, just have somebody yell the N-word and everybody's like... He took the bit, I couldn't do it. We've got to look up that bit and find out who took that. It was Baron Vaughn, gave it to him. Is it weird pitching an N-word bit to a black comic? Well I was like, it's a funny thing, right?

I told him I have a funny idea, and he was like, oh that's good, I was like, but I can't do it, do you want it? He was like, sure, if you're not gonna do it, I'll take it. And then you have to yell the N-word, that's the only way the bit works. You can't be like n-word It ruins it. Yeah, so as long as you don't give it to an Indian comic and then take it back

Well these Indian comics are acting pretty black They are what's going on there is that why do they get to do that? I don't know you got your own culture Indians you got the chai tea and yoga and that's not your voice. Yeah I want video footage from when you were young Yes, also You're stealing stealing cultures from us. That's our thing White guys acting like I steal culture Yeah, and that's so now you're stealing black culture and you're stealing, stealing culture from us.

Right. So even if what we're doing is wrong, you are kind of jumping on that train. Yeah. It's like, oh, you want to colonize? That's, that's us. We colonize and we do it fucking well. Yeah. And I think Britain colonized India.

Britain has, they have their hands in everything bad. They've done so many bad things. We could pin the whole Middle East thing on Britain. We could really good. You think? I mean, yeah, there's some, if you go to like the forties, they did some shit where you're like, yeah, this is a little bit on you. Oh, interesting.

Yeah. Do you know, do you know the difference between England, Britain, England, Great Britain, UK, and I think there's another one. Do you know the difference? I'm terrible at it. England, Britain, England, Great Britain, UK. And I think there's another one. Do you know the difference? I'm terrible at it. No, I mean, yeah, Ireland's in there somewhere, right? Yeah, yeah. Scotland.

Scotland, UK. Yeah. Then there's- I'm terrible at this. I'm the wrong guy to ask. Although I will be playing there, so. Okay. You should cut this so I don't sound

like a fucking mule. No, I think most Americans are way off on this. Yeah, I'm doing Belfast, Dublin, London, Paris. Wow. Amsterdam, Oslo, Norway. Oh, that is Norway, Oslo. And Copenhagen and Stockholm. And I'm thinking about adding Berlin.

Ooh. I'm thinking about it. Berlin's pretty cool. You liked it a lot. I liked it, my show was a little weird because the venue sucked, but just as I went to a sex club, I went to the wall,

it's just like a crazy looking city, everything's wacky and fun and interesting. It's a cool place, worth seeing. But are you doing like a day off or are you just getting in and out? I don't have a lot of days off. I have like, unfortunately I have a lot of days off in London which I've been to a bunch.

And then not a lot, I have a day off in Paris. I have a day off in some places. I think in Dublin I have a day off. Oh, that's good too. Yeah. All right. I wish I had another day in Amsterdam but I don't. Ah, Amsterdam's pretty great. I'm gonna try to fit in the Anne Frank house and the

in the van Museum oh yeah, that's worth it. Hey, you got to make an appointment Yeah, cuz there's so many people want to take it right yeah I have to call my agent like you've got a fucking you got a hook up Anne Frank tickets, dude Yeah, I don't know how the Nazis got in there They're adding a wing. They're like, we gotta make this bigger. Yes. Hot ticket.

That's true, that attic. I gotta tell you, the attic is not that small. Yeah? As a New York liver, I'm like, I could make this work. This is not bad, this is bigger than my first Bushwick apartment. Yeah, but it was a lot of people. That's true, that's true.

And it was, you had to be quiet. Yeah, true. There were a lot of people. That's true, that's true. And it was, he had to be quiet. Yeah, true. There were a lot of drawbacks. I wonder if the mom was about to complain, the dad's like. Don't complain. That's what got us to, Otto's alive. No, he's not.

Well, not anymore, but he survived it, I mean. He's the only one who survived it. He's the only one, and he said he read the diary and he was like, oh my God, I didn't know any of this. Like the daughter, he was like, I didn't know her at all until I read the diary. Yeah, he tried to, they almost got to the States. He had a friend who was powerful

and the letter was rejected. Whoa. That was a crazy part of this shit, man. It's like having the, I think there was a boat of German Jews who tried to get to Cuba. And they were just denied when they got there. They said they would let them in, they denied them.

They had to go back to Germany. Oh! Imagine like you're leaving Germany, like fuck you Nazi pieces of shit. And then you have to go back, you're like, ah. Oh my God, I'm bitching about a Delta flight over here. I know, I know. That boat ride was who knows how long,

you gotta go right back. And guess what, we will bitch about a Delta flight again. Like you feel bad for like two minutes and then like 30 minutes later, they're like, we're gonna circle for 20 minutes and you're like, no one has suffered more than me. This is bullshit. That's so true.

I do get it, that is a P when people are like, hey, what about what these people went through? I'm like, but I can still, if my hand gets cut off and your arm gets cut off, this still sucks to not have a hand. Yeah. You know, but they're like, hey, come on, you can't complain.

We communicate, we complain. Yeah. You try to make it, a peeve is a part of the show. Yes, yes, I got a million of them. You got more peeves? I got a million peeves because we haven't, we have had so many guests that. Well, give me some peeves because I'm fucking low on peeves right now.

Alright. I finally started writing them down right when I think of them. That's my problem. I always forget to. Same. Something will annoy me because I was leaving and I'm telling my girlfriend, I'm like, what do I complain about? She goes, I can't picture you not complaining. All you do is complain. I was like, well give me something.

She goes, I can't remember. I go, that's a peeve. You're not taking down my peeves. Alright. Starting from the top. How about this guy? Hey, can I get some brown mustard? We don't have brown mustard here. Story of my life. I love the story of my life guy. Not having brown mustard is the story of your life. This is your big tale. This is your big premise in your story. No brown mustard, come on!

It's a bad story. It's a horrible story. His funeral never had the right mustard. Not a good... That's quite a eulogy. That's all there was to him, that's it. That's it. He was a boring guy.

That's his story, right there. His brother was the mayonnaise guy, but this guy... Yeah, he started the Mayo Clinic. That's a good peeve. I hate the story of my life. Look, it's one thing like, ah crap, is one thing, but then you're now become like this victim. They never

have the brown mustard. I do love a brown mustard though. I know. You know what else I love? It's like a grainy mustard. I love a grainy mustard. I'm. You know what else I love? It's like a grainy mustard. Oh yes. I love a grainy mustard. The seeds. I'm such a, I'm a mustard guy.

Me too. Horseradish mustard. Love it. They have one, they have it at Russ and Daughters. Oh that's the good shit man. Yeah that's good. Whoa. Look up that Russ and Daughters horseradish mustard.

This is like my favorite mustard I've ever had, dude. Russ and Daughters is unreal. Russ and Daughters fucking rules. I will wait on that dumb line on a weekend. Same. That's like the only touristy shit I actually do they open another one like like the Anne Frank house, dude How about fucking the strip house is gonna carry bodega cat? Come on That's a New York staple. This is big time. That's been that's high-end over there. It's fucking big

Okay, you have a porterhouse and a neat bodega. It's coming soon and dude, we're like big shipment, new sexy bottle coming. The only knock, their GM tried our whiskey and they apparently loved it. Said the only knock is we don't love the current feel of the label. I said, well I got good news for you. We got a new fucking label coming.

Yeah, we're upgrading, mofo. So. We're cooking baby. Bodega cat's making some noise, you can't find the mustard? Nah, it's a good mustard, I'll find it somewhere, we'll get it. Yeah, I do love it, and I mean I know it's hack, but grape poupon is great.

Oh, it's fucking classic. So good. Horseradish, putting horseradish mustard, it might show up. Horseradish mustard, what a great combo. Oh, it's fucking, that's the stuff. Wait, no, that's not it. Oh, that one looks familiar, that second one. Oh, it's fucking that's the stuff Wait, no, it's not it. Oh that one looks familiar that second one, but yeah, it's a stonewall kitchen. It's a fancy one These are fancy musters were dealing with Wow

Give me another peeve man. You got okay. I got plenty you're crushing with I'm lousy with peeves. How about this guy? This happened to me yesterday. I don't get too specific because he might hear this but Hey, can you chat for five minutes? I go actually have about five or six minutes. I can chat 17 minute call or you reel me in with the five my god, and I'm such an autistic literal cunt I'm like oh hey five minutes. I can do that and then what else is going on? Oh, how's the baby coming? Oh, what's New York like hot? It's hot out. Oh, I should see it out here. It's fucking brutal But I'm like, come on with whatever the five I know Is it pee for me when people don't get right to it when it's yes when when it's a friend I don't care but when it's like a work type call is a work call

That's it does bother me when someone's telling you like yeah I had a guy sending me texts like this, and I'm like, dude, what are you doing to me? That's crazy. And here's the clinker. If you go, hey, I'll give you five, he goes, yeah, no problem. And if I have five minutes, I go, I gotta cut you off. They go, jeez, all right.

I'm like, you set up the fun. You know what you gotta do? You gotta treat it like hockey. I need a shot clock? You gotta say, there's a minute left in the period. You know what you gotta do? You gotta treat it like hockey. You got a shot clock? You gotta say like, there's a minute left in the period, let's go. And I need like a, one of those big old, old fashioned sports horns.

That really should be, wow, doesn't that look good, that bottle? That's a good looking bottle, strong. Sexy, sleek. Grand. Curvy. Yeah. Voluptuous.

Very nice. Erect. What about, Grand curvy. Yeah. Oh very nice. Mm-hmm erect What about um? That is fucking annoying. You feel like a woman cuz you're like you want to Netflix and chill and then I'm like, why are my pants off? You wrecked me. I don't yeah, it's a real peeve I got a peeve please and it's a fucking first-world peeve and I know it and I'm saying in advance I stayed in shitty hotels for years. Yeah, here's let me go on the road I stay in a nice hotels in a hotel that had a sauna. I was very excited Yeah, love a sauna, especially when you're traveling you sweat out the fucking boo. Oh, yeah sweat out that airplane

Garbage that's in you. Yep. I go in there all excited four kids in there Ah, what the hell are we doing in a song in a sauna and they're like, they're leaving in there. What the hell are we doing? In a sauna. In a sauna. And they're like, they're leaving the door open so the heat's all getting out. One of the dads was like, close the door. I'm like, you brought them in. Yeah, right. You're bringing the bad energy in.

Kids have no place in a sauna. No place. You're not, what's the word, stressed about anything? You gotta be stressed to go in a sauna because you gotta get the shit out. You gotta sweat it out. Yeah, you got to be stressed to go into sunny cuz you got a you got to get the shit out You got a you got to sweat it out. Yeah, what do you fucking like? Oh, I got a Stay Capitals Monday. I got a fucking Jesus Christ right. Yeah, I got a presentation at a Merrill Lynch. Yeah, no get out. I'm going through a divorce They're nine also kids sweat all day. They're playing basketball and running around

We don't sweat because we're adults we walk around and go and live in air conditioning book the hotel cuz of the sauna Didn't get a good sauna kids get out of here Kids will ruin a pool. They will remember Joe Joe list had a great tweet one saying like there should be this before you had A kid by the way, that's true, but he said there should be an app telling you if there are kids by the Good bit that's a good bit. That's a good idea. Here's that great line, he's like, you can't hit a kid, but you can throw one. That's a great bit.

So he's in a pool like, ahhh! Kid's head's like an inch away from the coping. Another thing, but the sauna is for stressed out people, hungover people, and gays hooking up. That's it! That's all that's allowed in this one. I'd rather a gay guy blow in another guy. I'll take it, at least it's quiet. By the way, Matteo told me he's never been in a sauna. I don't believe it.

He said he's never done it. Wow. My friend's got an Equinox membership, and he's like, it's full on gay club. Is he in like Chelsea or something? I don't know. Certain neighborhoods, I think. Yeah, that sucks, because I do want to go in there and just like relax.

I know, I know. DeStefano got blocked in by someone. Whoa. Yeah. Man, that's crazy. Yeah, I tried to hook up with him. Kind of flattering. Yeah, it is until you're stuck.

Yeah. You're getting raped, you're like, well, it's nice to be thought of. Yeah. I heard the signal is throwing water on the rocks, you know those... I do that all the time! You tease them! Fuck! Are you kidding me?

You're asking for it! That's a gay move? That's a gay move! That makes it hotter in there! That's why you do that! It's hotter, alright. Damn, I did that the other day! That's... That's the gay move. That's like the tap on the floor with the bathroom stall.

But it's not hot enough otherwise. God damn it, I'm gay. Yeah, and you didn't even know it. Damn it, I'm sending signals. We outed Sam. I may as well have been bent over wiggling my butt in the air. I just want it to be a little hotter in there, you know, I like the heat. Well, it's your fault for throwing water on the rocks and winking.

I don't know why you had to wink. Hey, big boy. I do, I do it, I did the worst thing the other day. I said, hey, do you mind? And what made it work. Hey, big boy. I do it, I do it. I did the worst thing the other day. I said, hey, do you mind? And I poured it on. Oh, it was a little too. It's a little too, it's a little too cool

when you don't mind if I put water on the rocks and he's like, go ahead. Oh my God. So how was the sex? It hurt. All right, well. It was rough. You'll get used to it. Hmm, sorry, Wengus.

It's also, you can't have gay code be the thing that everybody has to do in the sauna. That's like going, how'd you know he was gay? Uh, you know, he took a sip of water. I know. Everybody drinks water. It's kinda weird and specific. Yeah, that's insane.

That's like what the thing is for. Exactly. How did you know he was gay at Subway? He ordered a sandwich. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he paid for it. Yeah. How did you know he was gay at Subway? He ordered a sandwich. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he paid for it. Yeah. Yeah, come on. That's bullshit.

I think I got one more. I thought I had more, but I can't find them. How about this guy? I'm out with some friends. They're all idiot jerk off. One's a mechanic, one's a line cook, just dumb old high school friends. And I got a couple bucks now. And so everywhere we go, they're like,

I'm like, God damn, they charge like six bucks for extra ketchup. And they're like, but you're rich, you're rich now. And I'm like, I still don't pay six bucks for ketchup. Everything is, oh, but who cares, you're rich. Oh, who cares? I'm like, I'm not gonna go to a helicopter and throw bags of money out.

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plus 20% off your next month, while your subscription is active. Woo! It's insane. It's insane. And thank God all the taxis are going to something good. Try driving on any of the fucking roads here. Oof.

You think you're in the fucking, you know. I know, it's the Sudan. I got a classic car. I'm like up on the sidewalk trying not to hit a pothole. My whole car will fall apart. It's crazy. Try driving from Philly to here and you're like, where's the money going?

Yeah, right? It's the bumpiest, sketchiest ride. That's true. On the highway too. I'm going to Haiti and it's like, ba-boom. I know. Crazy. All right, last one, then I'll leave everybody alone.

How about this guy? My opener was doing this a couple weeks back. He does the, you wanna, you wanna do this? You wanna do that? You wanna do this? Which is just stuff he wants to do, but he gives it, he poses it as a question. Like I'm giving him-

You wanna pour some water on the rocks and equinox But like well, we'll have a lot of food in the green room He's like I know this food in the green, but you want to go out to eat and I'm like no I want to eat the food in the green room. He's like you sure you don't want to go out I'm like I told you what I want to do, but you keep Do you want to go out? He's like I don't care and I'm like alright. Well. Let's just eat this if you don't care He's like you want to go out though. I'm like so you want to go out. He's like no. No. I'm just and I'm like, all right. Well, let's just eat this if you don't care. He's like, you want to go out though? I'm like, so you want to go out? He's like, no, no, I'm just asking. I'm like, well then let's eat this then.

If you don't care. You sure you don't want to go out? Just say you want to go out. I'll go out. It's not about the food. It's about you fucking gaslighting me. Yeah. You want to do this? You want to do that? You want to get, you want to get a hooker? Nah, I got married. I probably shouldn't get a hooker. So you don't want to? No, no, I don't want to Stop asking me. Yeah, or let's just do it and and and you got to admit to it Yeah, the road ritual is it you need to have you need to do everything you feel comfortable doing because the second you cave in Next to you like why did I fucking do that? That's true. Because I felt the dude, we went out hard,

and then I had shit to do, and I was like, fuck. Yes, I know that feeling. I'm hurting, and I have shit to do. Dumb Ari. We got- I knew it was Ari. Yeah, we got the, he's our Newman, he's like, Newman, Ari, he, we went out- I miss him, I never see him anymore.

Oh, he's out, he's out and about, he's doing some scheme, but we went out. I miss him, I never see him anymore. Oh, he's out, he's out and about. He's doing some scheme. But we went out drinking and we had about 19 martinis. We put suits on, we went out for some ridiculous reason. We're like, hey, we have suits on. We might as well get hammered, so we got martinis. And we just had one after another, we're talking. I have a photo of us.

I'm standing on a mailbox on Avenue A, and he's like, we're just, you know. Who took the photo? Sal Vulcano was standing on a mailbox on Avenue A and he's like we're just you know We took the photo Sal volcano was there too. He took the letter and we had a great night I get home. I ride a city bike home at 5 a.m. I got one eye open. I'm wearing a suit I must look like a walk of shame or something finally get home You know May is like what that what where the hell have you been? What's going on? I reek of booze I got a suit on. She's like, what the hell?

You didn't make one check and I'm getting loaded? Nothing? No, nothing. I was too drunk, I never looked at my phone. And next day, alarm goes off at like nine. You get home and she's like, I'm pregnant. I'm like, oh, well, good luck with that. You know, you also do that thing when you're shit faced,

you go home, you're like, you know what, I'll have an emergency packet and a glass of water that'll cover it Yeah, I'll be good tomorrow. We'll have a slice of bread and a vitamin See from the bandage and a gunshot Cover it up. I'll drink two glasses of water. How about that? I do it always always you're fooled and you know you go to bed Your head's this big it's on fire, and I had so much to do. We had two pods, remember that? We had, who was in here, Adam Ray and somebody else?

Yeah. And... The churnins. Churnins, yeah, and I'm just like, ah! And then I had a bunch of sets, I had to go do a set in Queens. We drank a decent amount that day, though. That saved me.

Even having a couple drinks during the day, I fucking feel it at night these days. Oh, yeah. Oh for sure But then I call Ari at one point or I text him. I was like, dude, what were you thinking? This is the worst day of my life. I shouldn't have done this and he was like, oh, I'm I'm at like I'm in a steam room and whatever and I'm like, oh you never even do he's like no, I don't I'm a comedian What am I doing all day? I'm like, but you had shit to do. I had shit to do, but he didn't and he got me. They always get you, it's like a game. Yeah.

They know that they have the, I'll be fine, I can lose this day and you're like, no I can't lose, I had to. I can't lose it. Yeah, exactly. But also those hangs are kinda like rare these days. It was pretty great. They're getting older and it's like, I regret them like a motherfucker the next morning,

but like a week later I'm like, I'm glad I did that. That's true, that's true. Once you get through that day, you're like, that was pretty, we were walking on car hoods, you know? Like it was one of those like legendary drunk nights where you're almost to a blackout, but not there yet. When we're old men, we'll look back and be like, those were fucking fun nights.

That's true. Cause what, you know, every once in a while you need to make some bad decisions. Oh yeah, and Sal was getting hammered and it's fun getting drunk with Sal because he's like doing shots, I got him in a headlock and then some 17 year old girl walks by and she's like, oh my god, I love you and he's like, ah. He's like so wholesome on TV and everybody loves him and then you see him out in the wild But he is still kind of a wholesome drunk. Oh sweet. That's what he is. He's like kind of still that guy

Yeah, he's like God bless your sweetheart I'm nooking him. Yeah, that was a good time. I fucking love that dude good Do you feel like Don Draper though you come home your bowtie is undone? You're like ah shut up you old broad. you know, you throw a glass against the wall. That's fun. You fucked, damn, that's a good drunk, man. Yeah, we really did it up, that was fun. We gotta do one of those soon.

Let's do it. I guess we do do it almost every week, technically, but like an actual non-recorded one, where we're just like, gotta hit, maybe we'll hit Strip House when it's like, when Bermega Cat's there. Good call. Something like that. Good call, yeah. Gotta do something. Like DeRosa, he lives in Philly now, he's riding on House when it's like, when Bodega Cat's there. Good call. Something like that.

Good call, yeah. Gotta do something. Like DeRosa, he lives in Philly now, he's riding on tires, I'm like, man, they must be just tying one on every night. Gillis and all those guys. Oh yeah, that job came at a cost. Oh yeah. Joe DeRosa's gonna die at 51.

I'd give him so much shit, he is that friend at funerals who's like, who's like excited he gets to do shots for a reason I know we got to do this for Jimmy. I'm like fuck alright fine piece of shit. You can't turn out a funeral shot I mean, that's too disrespectful god damn, Dorosa Don't die Joe. We love you. No no we need you at those funerals He was out of mustard story of his life He was out of mustard, story of his life. He's got the sandwiches. Yeah, that's true.

Are we in there? Boat Digger Cat's gotta be in that place. We gotta work on it. Joey Rose's. I think I, oh I got one, oh I got two more peaves, or one more. Now this is more of like, you see this maybe once a year, once every two years, and it really fucks you up.

Yeah. I'm not a squeamish guy. I eat ass. I'm not square, I'm not a prude. Back to bohemian. I saw this one the other day, and I hadn't seen this in a while, and it fucking grossed me out.

It made my stomach turn. How about this guy? Ooh, yeah. Oh Oh the booger eater! I saw him on Second Avenue, he didn't think I caught him. I caught him dead to rights. Big old brown bug. Right in the kisser, right in the mouth. He ate the whole thing and he loved every minute of it. Who are these people? Yeah it's not good. I mean these people should be strung up and hung in the town square for us to all mock and ridicule. It's one of the things if you do it you just can't do it in public. No, god no. It's just not... Manhattan. It's not sanitary. Yeah, there's nine million people in this city. You think you're not gonna get busted?

This is gonna make me nauseous. I can't f- I saw a guy do it on the subway once, like five years ago, and I still think about it. I'm in the shower like, ah, it's fucking good. You're fucked. I need a silkwood shower. The amount of fucking garbage in this city's subway.

I remember I was on the train once late at night, and I see a guy in a wheelchair like barely hanging on He's like, huh? Hanging on and he's and he falls over I'm like fuck and I walk over like fuck I guess I gotta help this guy up. So I saw he but he's clearly clearly I could tell something's wrong with him, too But I'm helping him up and some guys I'm doing it goes don't do it. I'm like, whatever I just did I helped him up and then he leans over again

He's like whoa whoa whoa and he falls over. I'm like I guess this is his thing Whoa, he just falls over and wants people to help him up so no money or anything. No. He's just like a fucking mess Wow, then I smell like he's shit himself. Yeah, I'm like I'm helping a dude up who's pooped his pants Yeah, you gotta pit that Purell. It's a tough It's a bad one. Oh. And then I helped him up the first time they did it again and the guy looked at me and goes, I told all damn shit. That's a New York moment right there. That's a New York moment. Because I usually don't get got. Sure. But a guy in a wheelchair falls over like what are you gonna do? Of

course you're gonna help him. I know, you gotta do it. But what other city does a guy in a wheelchair fall over and a civilian goes, don't help him. Don't fall for it. Don't fall for it. Yeah. fall for it, yeah. Sagalow has a, I saw a clip of his new special at a funny bit where he saw a guy slip on the subway and his first thought was, that's fucking fake. There's gotta be a camera everywhere. I'm not falling for it.

And it's, it's like, he's like, how sad is life that we've come to this where everything's a video, a TikTok, a fake thing, a prank. And I'm like, I completely agree. Everything I see, I'm like, I'm suspicious. Well, a true story. So years ago on the train, there's a guy with no legs pushing himself and begging for money. And I heard a guy whisper to his friend, this one's not faking it. Oh, wow. Wow, that's fucking sad. Damn. He's been burned by a no-legged con before.

Yeah. Not good. There used to be a guy in New York, I don't know if you've seen him, but he was a burned, like, Damn. He's been burned by a no-legged con before. Yeah. Not good. There used to be a guy in New York, I don't know if you've seen him, but he was burned, like burn guy, scars everywhere, and he had a poster board, and it had all the newspaper clippings of the house fire he was in,

and how he was a little kid, and he got rescued by the FDNY, and that's gotta be real. That's gotta be real. It also sucks that that's like your whole persona now. He just became the Burn guy. Yeah, yeah. He was.

Like you're carrying the fucking clippings. He was leaning in. I mean talking poster board like. He's got merch. Yeah. He's got one. Like shoulder to knees, full on. And I was reading it and he kept walking.

I was like, hold on, hold on. I got a fifth page three. Yeah. Times Picky. I mean that's your guy. Koo reading it and he kept walking. I was like, hold on, hold on. I got a fifth page three. Yeah. Times picky. I mean, I knew it was that. Koozies are only seven bucks. The burn koozies, but they keep it cool. Yeah, you gotta get a fire wallet or something.

Or lighters. Fire wallet. Remember those? Yeah. Fucking fire wallet. Tom Dustin made more money on fire wallets in a year than I made in 10 years. So the point, it was just a gag wallet.

You just open it and there's no money and it just lights on fire. Yeah, it's got a flint in it. It's pointless. Pointless, but they moved, man. Maybe I'll get one. Look at it, I kinda like it. How does that work?

Give me a video on that, cause I wanna see this in action. Cause you whip one of these out and you get people's attention This is a good way to disturb hobos like hey, man. Can I get a dollar you're like? like a wizard I Always make these videos too long I had a friend who tried to get into a we were trying to get into a bar underage and

He'd never fake ID and I did and I got in and then he he out the fire wallet and the guy looked at me and he goes, get in there. Oh, you see? It worked. It worked. Cause I think the guy was like, look, you might be 18, but you're good energy. We could use you in there. I have a theory and no one's gonna wanna hear this,

but I think women secretly wanna fuck the shit out of magicians. I don't know about secretly. Some of them, Copperfield pulled some great ass. Okay, that's true. Didn't he get Claudia Schiffer? He did. I mean he's- You tell me Blaine doesn't get ass?

Blaine's a sexy magician, but these are celebrities. Yeah, but you know what? A celebrity ping pong player gets ass. I'm talking a regular backyard birthday party magician, I think it's fucking the stepmom. But if you're an entertainer, if you're like, if you have that kind of charisma that you can make a living as a magician, you're getting people's attention. You know how to turn it on. I get it. I get it too. It's just the eyeliner and the fishnet gloves and the weird outfits.

You know, think about how rock stars dress. Ah, good point. Good point. and the weird outfits. You know, think about how rock stars dress. Ah, good point, good point. Yeah, yeah, magicians, I'm telling you. Because first of all... A good gag to do on this guy is to just open it and just dump fucking... They pull it out, you just dump some fucking...

Lighter fluid on it? Lighter fluid on it, they explode. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. How do they not hurt the bills, though? You think it would light their bills on fire. Well, you don't put your money in there, do you? I think you do. No. I think it's just a gag... I think it's pointless their bills on fire Well, you don't put your money in there. Do you I think you do no, I think it's just a gag I think it's pointless the gag wallet. I don't know look well look hold on okay. We got the light and now

Light hold on credit cards. Oh, maybe those are fake All right, well call in if you have a firewall. There's a little trigger Okay, good to know. Maybe I'll get one. But you gotta think, approaching a woman is so hard. You're coming up with stuff to say, you gotta break the ice immediately. You're a magician, you go,

whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, do some sleight of hand shit. Yeah. Boom, ice broken. It's pretty cool, man. That's what I mean. They're natural entertainers. They've been doing that shit, the way we have to fill in awkward silences with something uncomfortable like a joke or something,

they're filling it in with like, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo. Yes. They're doing weird like, what's that behind your ear? Yeah. And that shit is universal. It is.

That works on little kids, that works on adults, that works on an old lady. Yeah, it's impressive. You go, how the hell an old lady. Yeah, I mean it's impressive. Like you go, how the hell the fuck did you do that? Cause it's work, it's like, you know, when you see a good magician, you're like, well that trick was a lot of work.

Right, right, true. They put in time to learn it. Yeah, and the lady goes, how'd you do that? Come on, now you get to keep doing stuff and show her another trick, I mean, you're in immediately. Yeah, you know what, because women like mystery. They love mystery. How do you do that?

Yeah. It's mystery. Exactly. And you throw some jokes in too, like, oh, your panties are disappearing tonight. Whatever, it's over. Look at this fucking tool. I love these guys.

Look at the leather jacket. These guys are such dweebs. But a lot of comedians started as magicians. Woody Allen, Steve Martin. Orson Welles is a magician. Was he? Yeah.

Amazing Jonathan. He loved magic. There's a story that this director wanted him in his first film. This guy did the books, Lunches with Orson, and he, Peter Bogdanovich, gives Henry Jaglum his info. He's like, he'll never do your first movie, but here's his info.

He shows up at the hotel to greet him, just knocks on the door. That's no email back then. Yeah, yeah. Knocks on the door. Orson Welles opens the door in like purple silk pajamas. Said he looked like a giant grape. And he goes, who are you?

And he just said, I need you to be in my movie, it's my first film. And he goes, I'll never do a director's first film, never. And he goes, well you did your first film and you directed it. And he goes, never, get out of here. And he goes, I know you love magic, you play a magician, and just pause, and he goes, could I wear a cape?

And he did it. But he loved magic, I mean, F is for fake, he did magic too. Right, right, wow. It mean F is for fake, he did magic too. Right, right, wow. It's like Nathan for you before Nathan for you kinda. It's a weird one. Fascinating guy that was. Oh I love him.

Man. You got jokes you working on? Yeah I do actually. Let's see what I got. I got one that's hitting but I can't figure out where to go, by the way I got that money joke working we were throwing around for a while. That's something.

Yeah. Let me try one on you. Please. Movie theaters, like all the trailers for stuff that's on Netflix. On TV, you get commercials for YouTube. They're literally advertising their demise. Oh.

That's my thing. It's like when a woman posts pictures with her guy friend, she knows she's going to hook up with after you. Oh. And you're like, oh, cool. That gonna hook up with after you. Oh, that's good. And you're like, oh cool, that's what's coming next, I guess. That's good. Something there, right?

Definitely. And these are all of a twist, but it's like. That's a great premise too. You're doing ads for YouTube. You're showing the thing that's gonna, it's like Netflix or Blockbuster doing ads for Netflix. Yeah. You know?

And where the fuck's blockbuster now? It's you're you're advertising the thing that's killing you. Yes Yes, it's like us doing an ad for bodega cat whiskey Bodega cat whiskey calm folks. No, what's a Yeah, what's a famous thing where they took the guy took him under his wing and then he killed the guy or something? Ooh. There's gotta be some story like that,

like some Shakespearean thing. But it's gotta be like an ad, right? Yeah. Oh, this might be too topical, but Kamala was like, Joe Biden's great, he's doing awesome, we love him, and then where's he now, and then she's sliding in. I like that, that's possibly the turn.

Yeah, and then she's like, eh. You better drop out, or we'll fucking drop you out. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, it's kinda like the butler, you know, who's working for this giant oil tycoon, and he's like, mm, he won't last long, you know, and he's like, I'm gonna leave you everything in my will and I got the butlers like aha

Yeah, I'm gonna kill you eventually and then I'll have the mansion What uh, but I love the girlfriend posting a photo of the guy with that. She's like he's just a friend He's just a friend and then involved in there. He fucks her. Yeah, you got that's funny He's holding there. He fucks her. What do you got? That's funny. Have I done the gun porn joke on ya? I don't think so.

So I saw this thing about kids aren't having sex anymore, like teenagers are having way less sex, and everybody says it's because of porn. They're like, porn, all these boys watch porn, so then they don't approach women, because they're like, I'm good, I'm satisfied. I don't need to go get shot down by some lady. I already got off.

But then they also say that shooting movies makes kids' school shoot. So I'm like, how come porn is making you not fuck, but shooting movies are making you shoot? That's a great angle. And I thought, I think the reason is, cause porn, you shoot a load. After an action movie, you go see John Wick, they should hand you one pistol, and you go, all right, I'm good. I think the problem is though with shooting,

like this may be worth this in somehow, like you shoot a load and then you feel you regret it. Oh. Cause like you watch porn, I'm just like ugh. Don't you feel that? You feel shame. Yeah, you feel shame. You don't feel shame after you shoot a gun.

You're just like, that was fucking cool. Well if you shoot a guy, you might feel shame. But you can't feel like you shoot a guy. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you play a video game where you shoot a guy and he's like, what have you done? You killed me.

Oh yeah. Something like that where it's like. The shame needs to come in. There needs to be a way you get, it's close. It's not hitting as of now, it's not enough so I think you're onto something. Well, shooting, when you finish, I think it's something funny,

I think the difference is when you shoot a load, you see the world kinda more clearly. Yes. You don't do that if you shoot a gun. Oh yeah, right. You don't fire, you're not at the range. You fire two rounds and you're like, what have I done? Yeah.

It's not there yet, but it's like, you fire two rounds and you're like, man, I'm fuckin fucking I'm sick. Yeah Fuck maybe the shooting range is almost like a porn theater You know like you get it out There and then you don't do it at school There might be a connection to like porn and school shooters. Either way, it's cuz you don't have a girlfriend or something You know, oh, yeah true true. Yeah

Huh, I had an old premise it's because you don't have a girlfriend or something, you know? Oh yeah, true, true, yeah. Huh. I had an old premise that's different, but about how like, it's weird that like they say like, these shoot-em-up video games make kids numb to violence, right? Because it's like, oh no, they don't, they're like, they have nothing to do with the school shootings.

It's like, all right, I'm not gonna blame video games for actual murder, but there's no way that shit's not numbing you to violence. Yeah. They're playing for like eight hours. I watched 30 seconds of porn, I'm like, ugh, that was bad. You know what I mean? It's funny. It's like an angle, it's a different bit, but.

That's true, but I thought the shoot a load, it's such a perfect. Perfect connection. A to B, yeah, they both shoot a load. Both shoot a load, I think the shoot a load, it's such a perfect Perfect connection. A to B, yeah, they both shoot a load. Both shoot a load, I think the main difference is. No one gets hurt if you shoot a load with porn. You shoot a load with a gun, somebody might get killed. It's also just a different experience, like you watch a porn or you're doing it alone,

you're not watching a porno with a group like, yeah! You could see John Wick in the theater, you're like, this is fucking awesome. That's true, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we're close, it's just one little. Say it one more time, shoot a load. The kids are watching porn, it's making them not fuck.

But kids, they say kids are watching shoot-em-up movies and it makes them shoot. So I'm like, why is one making them not do the thing and one is making them do the thing? You know, and I think, I thought it was cause porn you got off. making him not do the thing and one is making him do the thing. You know, and I think I thought it was because porn you got off. I think it's because it's easier to get a gun. Than get a lady. Yeah.

Oh, that might be it. That might be it. Gun, you could just go into a store. Lady, no one ever goes, this guy's a little weird. I'm not giving him a gun. Weirdos get guns all the time. Yeah. That's not bad. It's easier to get a gun than a lady.

That might be the angle. I think you cracked it. Maybe. I'll try it. I wanna go noodle with it later. Noodle. I'm gonna noodle. I think you cracked it there.

Okay, what do you got? Easier to get a gun than a lady, that's big. I mean you go to a guy's house, he's like, you wanna see my gun collection? No guy's like, you wanna see all these girls I fucked? You know? Yeah, maybe it's, he shows you his gun collection, you're like, oh that's pretty cool.

You go to his house, he goes, you wanna see all these girls I have in the basement? You're like, I'm gonna call the FBI real quick. Yeah, he's on a watch list. That's good. Ah-ha, okay, okay. Yeah, you can collect guns and it's seen as kinda cool.

Right, why's that girl have a gag in her mouth? Silencer. It's not bad. Something there. Yeah, there's something there for sure. All right. I like that observation. Maybe something with a porno magazine

and the gun magazine, you know, like the bullets. Maybe that's too specific. Porn mag. I think if you're too into either, it's a red flag. Yes, yes. Two into porn, two into guns. Right. Like you have a few guns, you go to the range, whatever,

but like, there's the people that have like a shitload, and you're like, all right, that's a little. Well the thing is, you don't have to satisfy a gun You know you got to satisfy you have to maintain a gun. You don't have to maintain a gun You got to clean it. Can I buy bullets? Yeah, mmm bullets is like the dinner There's something here silencer machine sir, machine gun, automatic, Uzi. Hmm, okay, pistol, handgun, hand job.

Alright. This is how joke writing goes, folks. No, I think the women gun thing is... I think that's it. It's easier to get a gun. I wonder if anyone has that. I don't know. Okay, I'll noodle.

I hope I didn't just say someone's fucking thing. Everyone's done everything. Everyone's done everything it's crazy. I was watching this JFK doc and this guy's historian comes on he goes I think what really did him in was his obsession with women. I was like really? I think it was getting shot in the face. I don't think it was. That's great. I don't think it was. That's great. I don't think the doctor was like, man, this guy's head fell off.

What happened? Punani overload, I don't know. I need something better than that. Maybe someone was getting head? Yeah, he got head. He got brain. Well, this guy used to have a lot of head. Yeah.

He used to have a lot of, yeah. He got road head. Yeah, road head. That's fucking good. Road head's the word. Yeah, what killed him?. Yeah roadhead. That's fucking good. Yeah, what killed him roadhead roadhead He blew everywhere yeah blew all over the backseat Yeah, his yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they he got ahead in front of his wife. Yeah

They didn't care if his wife was around he blew blew right in front of her. Yeah, right in front of his wife. This is so dark. Also it's the only roadhead that's a sightseeing tour. You go to Dallas, like, hey, you want to see where the guy got blown up? His face got shot off. I'm sure they do that with Butler too, Butler PA. Yeah, there's a lot there. He did get so much fucking ass though,

and it was always like, it was something funny, he's always fucking someone that was like a danger to the country. Oh really? Yeah, and RFK always had to clean it up. Ah, wow, like what, like a liaison or something? Spy stuff. Whoa, wow.

He was a lunatic. And if you can nail the accent, that's an extra bonus on the joke. I, uh, I, uh, I got a lot of head back in my day. Do not. That wasn't bad. Ask not what the girl can do for you, but where you can shoot it.

All right. Oh yeah, shoot it. There's a lot of, uh. We're both doing gun jokes here, I guess. Yeah, well. That made me think of it. What else you got? That's fun, that's gonna be big.

That's huge. Alright, this one's a big misdirect so I hate to give it away, but I think this, it's, the misdirect is hitting. I just need more of a, more angle here, more of a place to go to take it. Sure. So I, you know, I'm from Louisiana, and New York is very progressive city, so whenever my New Orleans friends come up to visit me, I always have to prep my New York friends. Like, watch out, some of these guys are animals, you know?

So I'm like, my buddy's coming up, just letting you guys, giving you a heads up. He's very religious, old school, like devout. I'm talking, doesn't like gay people, hates abortion, makes women dress dress a certain way and all my friends are like what? How can you hang out with this piece of shit? He sounds like a real asshole. What is he Southern Baptist hardcore Christian? I'm like nice Muslim and that kills And it gets one of those like oh Laughs, you know and then all my friends are like, ah, he sounds nice bring him up Let's uh, we'll get some shwarma or whatever the fuck

Sounds nice bring them up. Let's uh, we'll get some shwarma or whatever the fuck So I got I got the misdirect because it just shows like how white people we treat different cultures differently Even though they're the same basically the same problematic thing you were expecting a white guy. Yeah Yeah, it is funny that they have to like pretend that they like that they're cool now exactly the fine line between tolerance and and intolerance and it's like it's color it's color well I mean I thought of it because of all the like the Hamas stuff they're like gays for Palestine or whatever and you're like what are you kidding they're gonna they're gonna kill you over there but it's because they're over there they're brown or whatever it is I don't know why

sure yeah but if you were like fuck we're gonna throw this gay off a roof but it's because they're over there, they're brown or whatever it is, I don't know why. But if you were like, fuck, we're gonna throw this gang off a roof, they'd kill you, you know? But like, or if I did it. But if they do it for somebody that's okay, I don't know. So it struck me as like, I could make a bit out of this. Yeah, I think the next thing is like,

so what do you just say about the, there's a fine line, I think it's color yeah yeah brown what's the same way like someone will go after us for saying a joke but if a rapper made the same type of comment interesting blogger would never dare culture goes a long way it goes a long way cuz that's kind of part of rap culture bitches hoes you know yeah all that so you kind of let it slide so who had that great line uh PETA never goes rap culture, bitches, hoes, you know, all that. So you kind of let it slide. So who had that great line, Peta never goes to the players ball and throws paint on them?

You know, it's a bunch of rappers in fur coats walking down and Peta's never like, let's throw paint on them. They're like, we're going to let that one slide. I don't want to get shot or whatever. That's a good fucking point. Great point. They're not breaking up dog fights. Yes, exactly. Or whatever that's a good fucking point great point. They're not breaking up dog fights. Yeah, yes exactly

So they'll write a post about Michael Vick after he's in jail, but they're not going down there. That's a fair point mm-hmm So I guess the lesson is you got a anybody who criticized you shoot him and you can get away with anything If you murder people you can you can really believe whatever you want to believe. Yeah, you'll get popped eventually, but you'll be alright on... I don't know, I think the turn is really like calling out that type of liberal person who thinks they're really open-minded. Yeah, exactly. You think you're really open-minded, but you're really just a pussy.

I guess so, yeah. Yeah, okay. Because I'm not trying to shit on Muslims because I know not all Muslims are like that. Same has not all Christians are like that. Sure. But, uh, they totally flipped the script when I was like, he's Muslim. They're like, well, you know, different cultures, different people, you know, who am I to judge? Well, you should judge them, treat them equally. I thought that was what we were doing here. I think there's something there for sure.

Yeah. I just hate to leave it at that. That gets a laugh, but then it feels like, and? You know? It's one of those ramp bits, it's gonna be one of those ramp bits where you're like, you're like, oh wow, it seems like you only believe that because, but it's

something funny because like we all kind of believe that in some way. That's the funny thing. We all think it. I think you can kind of, if you maybe flip it on yourself a little, like there is something funny about that. Yeah, my friend is Muslim and he's obviously not homophobic or anything, but he was like, it might be funny if you flip it to Muslim to Christian, you know, like, oh, I was watching this documentary of the Middle East to where these people were, and I think that probably would hit harder because you're laughing at a Christian instead of a Muslim, but I like the other way because it's pushing the line. Well, it feels more current, maybe.

More current, yeah. The Christian jokes have been made. Exactly. It's a little easier. This has got a little more bite to it, I think. It's tough. It's a little easier. This has got a little more bite to it I think. It's tough, it's a tough call. It is. But it's easy. You know, because we go, hey, priests diddle kids. It's an obvious joke that's been made nine million times, but they don't all diddle kids. It's just, you know, it's just a stereotype. That's how jokes work. Yeah. So I'm just going off that. Yeah, I don't know the twist yet. Yeah, I don't know,

because it's hard when you get a laugh and then you're like, ah, that joke's done. Oh dude, that's my whole fucking act right now. Same. All these Boston comics, they can like stretch out shit, you know, like Gary Gullman and all these guys,

List, there's all these long taping, Apollo. It just takes a while. Yeah, but I feel like we just. It didn't come out of the womb there. That's true, that's true. There's something about, yeah, no, I have one that I had forever and I just finished it like a week ago.

Wow. I forgot, you know, I forgot, I was like, how do I end this? And I, dude, I didn't write it, I riffed it. It's like sometimes you just have to keep saying the joke and you talk the punchline of what you say naturally is the punchline. Yeah, and you need to see it with fresh eyes

because sometimes you stare at it for weeks and weeks and it's almost like saying a word over and over where it loses its meaning. And then after like two months, you're like, oh, I can go this way. Yeah, should we do one more or do you wanna save some? Let's see if I got a short one. That hit me with something.

When I was a kid, my mom used to buy me books on ADD. Oh, that's hilarious. It's like books. I could read a tweet. That's funny. Books on ADD and then they sent me to a seven hour ADD seminar, which is true. Because they were like, you need a,

and I'm like, that's not how you beat ADD. Right. You don't just force me to listen, and you're like, and my friend said, you know, you can't cure ADD with a class, it's like being gay, you can't show a gay guy pictures of hot women, like, cured yet? You know, so, and I was like, yeah, it's not at all like being gay,

I think it's pretty messed up to compare what I have to an incurable disorder. That's a good line. All right, try that. I was gonna say, it's like trying to cure your son of gay and sending him to Fire Island. We're gonna send you conversion camp. That's great, but it's not gonna work in like,

the UK or whatever, you know? We don't get, ADD people, we don't get a parade. Even if we did, we wouldn't have the focus to get one done. I think ADD people, we don't get a parade. Even if we did, we wouldn't have the focus to get one done. I think ADD is like, something like ADD is not like being gay. I can control this with medication. That's good, because I ain't got shitting on him. Yeah, I don't think there's a gay guy in Hamas,

like, all right, time to take my meds. Gotta turn it on again today. And you can think of a funny pill name, you know, like anti-gay or something. There's something there, right? Yeah, and I feel like the joke's close. All you gotta do is find the, you got the premise. You got the punch line. I haven't tried it yet,

so I'll try it tonight. Oh, okay. If you can get the gay, what the gay comparison in the middle, I feel like it's done. Yeah. There's something there. Yeah, because gay is too perfect. It's perfect. Because you could use other ones, like stop drinking,

send them to a bar, whatever, but the gay with the turn later is great, the disorder. That was a riff, man. Oh, really? Yeah, I just, no, I tried that first part on set, I didn't try the second part. So I just tried up to like where you guys laugh, the disorder part, that was a riff, and I was like,

I got a pop, I was like, all right,. I was just like how do I fucking end this yeah? Well, what's the gayest place on earth Broadway? It's pretty gay. Yeah trying to think we love it. Maybe just say the pride parade. Yes, you know like sitting your Conversion camp at the pride parade You've just done the conversion camp at the pride parade. Gotta be something gayer than that. Like where are dudes really, oh maybe jail. Sauna. Sauna!

Sauna, the rocks! Callbacks! Yes, the rocks! Then that could lead into your sauna bit. I do have a sauna bit actually. Oh, okay. I have a new sauna bit. Here we go.

Yeah, yeah, what else you got? That's my thing, I have a couple that are new that are just working, so I don't wanna bring on shit that's working. I know, I know, and I feel bad giving away that Muslim punch line, but. Yeah, but whatever. I feel like sometimes when people hear it at the show,

when I talk to them after, they're like, no, it's cool hearing it on the show, of course. But yeah, I'm the same way, I like it all to be brand new to them when they see it. All right, this one's quick and then we'll wrap it up because we got a guest coming in later. But all right, so with all these flight delays, cancels, everything, I'm at the airport

just screaming at these clerks or whatever you call them, the United guy at the desk. And then you realize it's not his fault. The plane is having maintenance issues with this weather and I'm missing my gig but I'm yelling at some stranger. I'm like, this isn't fair to this guy. He just works there. So then I thought the airport should hire a guy

just to get yelled at. Just hire a guy just to take abuse, take a verbal lashing. I like this already. And get a guy who's in like S&M, Sado, Masca's shit. So you're like, you piece of shit. I missed Christmas because of you you you worthless motherfucker. He's like, this is the best job I ever had You know, he's got the desk there. So you can't even see it I like this but then that that part kind of does well, but I am just doing this

So I'm like, are they just laughing at this but that's funny. Okay, and I love the idea that is like bring out the gimp Yeah, yes I'm gonna idea that you just bring out the GIMP. Yeah, yes, bring out the GIMP. The GIMP. I'm going to say that. Bring out the GIMP. Bring out the Delta GIMP. Ha ha ha. Mm. Mm.

You piece of shit. Yeah. You must. Is this any way to treat a customer? Right. Mm. Ha ha ha. Whoosh, whoosh.

And then I needed some kind of ending. So I thought, how can I wrap this up? How can I twist this? And then I thought, maybe the guy gets too into it and then you you start apologizing, you know He's like tell me I'm worth this and I'm like, you know what keep the voucher. I'll take the train I'll take Amtrak Delta's like wow, this is pain for itself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, keep the refund. It's all it's all good That's fucking good. Oh, all right. That's right. Okay. I was laughing in the setup. I mean, that's like to me. That's fucking good. Oh all right. That's right. Okay. I was laughing in the setup. I mean that's like to me. That's hilarious All right, I'll try hitting the first part is you know like this you piece of shit you motherfucker

He's like this is the best job ever had that crushes But I am just doing this and going the best job ever had so I don't know I feel kind of cheap doing that but it kills yeah, I think there's a lot there Okay, get back to give this fun stuff Bring out the Gimp, that's fun stuff. Bring out the Gimp is a great addition. I got the Delta Gimp. That's hilarious. Uh, yeah.

Damn, that's solid. And it's a fun idea because you want to yell to the guy but it's just some random dude from Queens. Why is he in charge of all of United? I'm also shocked whenever, I know your angle's not gonna be, you know, hack. I always know that, but like,

it's still refreshing to hear an airline bit that you're like, oh, I haven't heard that. Oh, great, all right. You know what I mean? Like, it's just, I just like that. I'll take it. Well, what are you showing us here? What is this?

We got a song sent in from some fans. Oh, let's hear it. All right, play it. Here we go. We got a song sent in from fans. Oh, let's hear it. Alright, play it. Meta Noise. With value views, you a picture perfect girl, I'm Salacues I'm the influence, I'm positive Check yourself before you wet yourself I recommend that you deposit it I'm really funny, easy money on a danger field Same time tomorrow, cause you love me when I bake for meals I wanna kiss and it shows, I try to be aloof

I am a drifter doing shows high up on the roof I never lose, you could call me Winnie Feel like your votes are playing, Bee Gees walking through the city Everything's true game, but I'm making loose change You don't want some root shade by telling me you've changed And that's a joke and I would know it's how I make a living I am a pro and you should know before I play the bills And once we've killed the bill I fi-

I thought this was about us Those are like all my specials they just named Oh, he did? Oh, okay I couldn't hear all the lyrics He said Salacuse before then he said You've Changed Same time tomorrow Oh, okay, sorry I was like like I thought it was about the the pod. Oh, there we go.

Hey, there we go. This is fun. Yeah. Yeah, we can play this with like, we're rolling credits. Oh, there we go. Alright. I'm always in the soup, cracking jokes, that's nuts Hello, man, Stormy Norman, call me Norman Kicking down the doors of comedy, I'm not the doorman You sure, man? We in the cellar, not the comedy storm

And the floor plan only makes sense to a core fan I'm old fashioned, sipping nebodega cat Such a pet peeve when my vision starts to break to black Only happens when it don't be top shelf Only seems to happen when you don't be yourself You don't say, hey, why don't I have a fuller cup? If she no good from the stage, I'ma pull her off If I make her laugh, I will jot it Like it's saved in drafts, I still got it

I still got it I still got it I still got it I don't like being so wrong I don't like being so wrong I don't like being so wrong I don't like being so wrong I don't like being so wrong I just like to show you drinkin' That's great. I take it all back. I'm such an old honky, I missed all the lyrics.

I probably would've missed that in here same time tomorrow. Oh my god, these are, I know this. Wow, well done. Meta Noise. Very cool. What does it say? I can't read it, Kaidan and? Kaidan and Kaidas.

It's two twins from. Ooh. I like it. Where they from? I'm not sure where they're from. I like it. Where they from? I'm not sure, but metanoiz on Instagram, M-E-T-A-N-O-I-Z. Check them out, good beat, good lyrics. I like it. I'm sorry, I questioned it.

Follow us both, punchup.live slash marknorman, punchup.live slash samorail. Oh yeah. And we're posting stuff on there, we got our dates in there mark. Where you gonna be? I'm all over the road this comes out in January 2041 but I'll be in Colorado Springs, Colorado, Fort Collins, st. Louis, Missouri, Atlanta, Georgia, Vancouver British Columbia and Orlando, Florida Fort Lauderdale, Portland, Oregon, London, Ontario, Toronto.

We just added a show, so let's sell that puppy out. Meridian Hall is awesome. Really? Yeah, it's sick. Oh, I've never been. I'm excited. Newport, Rhode Island for that rogue comedy fest. Monterey, California, Oakland, Winnipeg, and Edmonton, Cleveland.

They're doing hilarities. Getting back into it. I've tried to sprinkle some club dates in. I'm doing hilarities too. Oh nice. That's like my favorite. One of the best. Great food, great room. Fayetteville, Arkansas, Wichita, Kalamazoo, Chicago, Chicago theater.

So let's try to sell that puppy out. What do you got there, sloppy jalopy? I'm going to Europe, so I got... Woo-wee! I'm going to Europe, so I got London, I believe September 18th, then we got, oh, Niagara Falls first, right? Okay, Niagara Falls, September 13th. Oh, the good side. Yeah, we got London the 18th, the 22nd we got Belfast, then we got Dublin, Paris just added a show,

Amsterdam just added a show Copenhagen Oslo Stockholm and then yeah, I'm back in the clubs gonna add some more clubs. We got a hilarities November 21st through 23rd I'm gonna add some more clubs though need it need to get back to it and then big theater tour next year and Buy some bodega cat a bodega bodega cat whiskey calm. I don't know. I can't speak today. I'm off today bodega cat whiskey calm and BodegaCatWhiskey.com, I don't know why I can't speak today, I'm off today, BodegaCatWhiskey.com. And we've had some great times with Wingus here. Winnie, always bringing the heat on this pod. Oh yeah. I know you guys love Winnie.

We got a... Who doesn't? We gotta look back at some of the greatest moments with Winnie. Oh! Let's take a little look back to all the great moments Winnie has provided us on this podca- Yes, please, in memoriam. Not yet.

Not yet. Not yet. Sorry. You back off, Norman. Mini Winnie's going strong, and let's take a look. Oh, this is a good one. I'm improv over the weekend with her, and the staff's like, Winnie? They fucking know her from the pod.

We got a lick. It's legal here. She's awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at her. Look at that. My ball of the hero. The constant licks, dude. She's like... She heard you shitting on pugs on your pod. Oh at that. My father the hero. The constant licks dude.

She heard you shitting on pugs on your pot. Oh shit! I love pugs. I love pugs. They're tough hand because they're always like this. Yeah, they're the best. I like it. Fuck.

I love them. It's like hanging out with Donnelly. Look at John! Winnie killing. Oh man, that thing's got a fucked up face. I got one eye. I didn't get a good look at it. That eye is fucking so scary. I thought I was going to learn my future.

She signed her on the streets. She's in the LA streets. From Compton. And how long have you had this dog? My girlfriend's dog. She got her like nine. She got her when the dog was nine? Yeah she's 17. She's hanging in the f nine? Yeah, she's seventeen. What do you think? She's hanging in the players. Well thanks for listening guys, we love ya.

Wait, it's the big finale. One more, we gotta do this one. It's a noble or you go to any... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I love it. The dog's a Kobe fan, what can I say? Love it. You guys are the best, keep listening and we'll see you guys soon. Thank you, good night and good luck. Up top of the world with value views You a picture perfect girl, I'm Salicues I'm in the influence I'm positive Check yourself before you wreck yourself I recommend that you deposit it

I'm really funny, easy money on a danger field Same time tomorrow Cause you love me when I pay for meals I wanna kiss and it shows, I try to be aloof I am a drifter doing shows high up on the roof I never lose, you could call me Winnie Feel like Travolta playing Bee Gees Walking through the city, everything tool game but I'm making loose change You going some rude shade by telling me you've changed And that's a joke and I would know it's how I make a living I am a pro and you should know before I play the build

And watch me kill the bill I've filled I'm hot shit, Scott Ross built but I'm more ill I got this I really went and told her I don't like being sober If you're still looking good, I think we might get drunk now