We Might Be Drunk - Ep 132: Kyle Kinane

Episode Date: June 19, 2023

Find Liquid Death on Amazon or a retailer near you, and take 20% off your 1 st Liquid Death apparel purchase at https://www.liquiddeath.com/DRUNK Get ready to raise your glasses and laugh till your sides hurt on today's episode of "We Might Be Drunk"! Join hosts Mark Normand and Sam Morril as they welcome the incredibly hilarious and charismatic comedian, Kyle Kinane, to the show. Known for his dry wit and unapologetic storytelling, Kyle Kinane has established himself as a prominent figure in the comedy world. With appearances on "Comedy Central Presents," "Conan," and "The Tonight Show," Kyle's unique perspective and impeccable timing have won over audiences around the globe. Visit Kyle Kinane's website to explore more of his comedy genius: Kyle Kinane's Website But wait, there's more! Don't forget to check out Mark Normand's website for a dose of his comedic brilliance: Mark Normand's Website And be sure to visit Sam Morril's website for a glimpse into his hilarious world: Sam Morril's Website And now, a joke: Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because it was outstanding in its field! #WeMightBeDrunk #LaughsOnTap Don't miss out on all the fun and laughter. Tune in to this episode of "We Might Be Drunk" and join the conversation using the hashtags #WeMightBeDrunk and #LaughsOnTap.  Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com  Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod http://www.bodegacatspirits.com We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/

we got uh kyle canane we might be drunk oh it's happening hey we're doing it yeah thanks thanks for coming in you're a west coast queef and now you're here with us pacific northwest oh the corpiest yeah i'm an organ boy now. Whoa, REI, Powell Books. I mean, REI is pretty national. Yeah, we got one of those. I just say there's a lot of tents out there. Yeah, I don't think they're buying new. A lot of duct tape.

A lot of hand-me-downs. It's more of a Dick's Sporting Goods kind of crowd. Yeah, good point. What prompted the move to Portland? Pandemic had a chance to move up there and then just been there since the beginning of it. I'm like, yeah, this is good. No, this is all right.

As I was saying before, I'm like, I'm not part of, like I do comedy, but I'm not really a showbiz. Like I never, even before pandemic, they're like, hey man, you want to drive to Santa Monica for an audition? I was like, no. No, I won't. I've been to China to do stand-up but i will not cross the 405 do a paper towel commercial i'm not into that

scene man i hate every audition and i enjoy now because i'm such a pussy then i'll get an email from my agent like hey this is a good role for you it's uh whatever show criminal minds and you'd be perfect for it i'm like i don't want to do it fuck it i'm saying no uh whatever show criminal minds and you'd be perfect for it i'm like i don't want to do it fuck it i'm saying no what part of criminal minds do they think what role are you getting on criminal minds the autistic serial killer with a couple of zingers they said you don't even have to audition yeah yeah we wrote it for you we wrote it for you right yeah it's uh it's tough but also doing the road out of the west coast is always tougher just

with the time change if you're if you're coming east you have to go a day early right you're behind the eight ball there yeah i'm like i love a red eye oh you're the one i sleep yeah i sleep on the plane i snore on the planes a couple drinks before i get to the airport a couple drinks on the airport sorry i said i wish i would have saved mine I had a bunch oh lay it on us luckily you specifically got pleather seats so they crack off real nice man that blew this way

I appreciate oh sorry I don't think you're sorry I know you just farted well I didn't mean to blow on you I mean you did point it that way

but I think you got a vent coming over I appreciate you blowing it in my direction it smells healthy oh yeah Chipotle got the guac you're making it through the almonds pretty good.

But you're on the road pretty hard regularly. Yeah, I'm kind of changing it up. I just was tired by this. Like, you see everybody hustle. Everybody's grinding. I get here and everybody's like, I got four sets tonight. I got six sets tonight. I'm like, that sounds like hell, guys.

That sounds like a living hell to me. I don't like myself or hate myself enough to hear that much of my own voice. Right. And, yeah, I'm not like a social media guy. So I'm like, oh, I'm actually, like, having a lot of fun. Nobody would know because I'm not celebrating it on Instagram. Right, right. Oh, yeah, this time off is pretty tight.

It's pretty nice, but you have a core fan base. Like, you've got a group that will see you anywhere. I've got a tiny little group out there. Like, I've gotten this big realization of, like, there might not be superstardom, but what if I just make as much as, like, a good electrician? Oh, that's living. Like, what if I make just a solid living, and that's's it and then i get however much off i want a year i like i think it's i don't know i agree i get jealous of people like oh look at like people are blowing up and getting all that

stuff but i'm like but do i want to do all the stuff that they exactly it's a balance you got to give and take like like a guy like seguraura, millions of dollars a year, arenas. I don't know if I'd want that. That worries me. I get anxiety just thinking about that. Not that I'm going that way. He's very talented, but I don't know. That's not the direction we're choosing.

Yeah. I want to fart on a pleather couch and hang with you guys. You did. You have a sponsor for this. You're crushing it, dude. Don't you have your own whiskey yeah for the fart cast here i have no sense of smell anymore because of you you're welcome that's a shame because there's whiskey you know smell is tied to taste and now you can't even enjoy the product me or covid one of you one of us fucked

your smell but i don't know that the fame where fame scares the shit out of me that just doesn't seem fun i've opened for famous people and running through restaurants and running through airports and hiding. Thank you. I don't know. I would say that you guys are doing pretty great. This is a good level, though. It's a nice, easy level.

We get a little of the good, and you still got to do the work. Hey! Cheers. Cheers, boys. Mazel tov. I know what Mark means, though. I mean, we both opened for Amy Schumer back in the day. I mean, she was doing arenas at the time.

It is like a level I'm like, oh, that would be hard to stay. I mean, how do you work out material in an arena? Right. At what point is it too big that it's unmanageable? Exactly. It's also weird to see not a high-energy act in an arena. I was in St. Louis, and Chris Rock was in St. Louis, so I went to watch the show afterwards.

And it's weird to see a comic doing the type of comedy Rock does in an arena. You're just used to seeing... I picture a Sebastian, a high-energy type of comic. You don't picture... Like, is saying like philosophical shit on stage and you know having to repeat the setup because it's not the type of comedy you probably would normally see in an arena i don't think he's new to repeating setup i think it's kind of been his thing for a while but still it's not the type of comedy you normally see in a venue like that you know yeah yeah i don't well this is i mean of course coming from a place from a guy who's still doing clubs i don't know i

think you can get too big of a venue for comedy it's like what a what a wonderful thing to criticize i think it's true though i agree i bombed uh i bombed opening for the impractical jokers at the same venue i saw lollapalooza in 1994 like i was the same stage i saw the beastie boys on and i'm trying to do comedy on it and i did it to myself like even before i went out i'm like i don't think this is gonna work and then i fulfilled my own destiny you were the huba stank of that lollapalooza i was 12 000 people but a woman walking to her seat in the front row with two beers i was talking about like yeah i saw smashing pumpkins i actually fell asleep in those seats right there during smashing pumpkins a woman in the front row with two beers just goes that was a great show fuck you and like

even though 11 950 people didn't hear it i was like fuck this whole crowd i don't give a shit anymore bombing in an arena an arena, I've done it. It is, that silence is powerful. I had the sweat dripping down my back. I had the dry mouth. Oh, brutal. You're like,

I might do something else. Yeah. I was like shell shocked in the green room after. I was like, oh my God, I couldn't shake it. That crowd is tough though too.

The Joker, I bombed in front of the Jokers. Have you? It's like, yeah, it's not. This makes me feel better. It's kids.

Well, yeah, they're not, it's like a family thing. They're like, we're here for the Jokers. There's not a standup crowd. kids well yeah they're not it's like a family thing they're like we're here for the Jokers it's not a stand up crowd yeah and they're settled

it's 12,000 people outside getting settled with their merch and beach balls and drinks and you're like no no listen

it's the way the words it's an enunciation it's their subtlety to it I've watched a lot of your shit and it's pretty bulletproof. So if it's not working for that, go listen to it.

Oh, man, you should have been at most of my sets this week. Where were you? Bounce around here. I do some drop-in sets, but it's like I don't have my sea legs out here. I get in my own way. I get in my own head because I'm like, oh, i gotta be like edgy because it's new york but then i'm on like i still get booked on like the sensitive alternative shows i'm like wrong choice and then i'll not know that i'm on the edgy show and i'm like you guys ever just just think about

life right get pensive like wrong show like i did not i didn't get here in time i wanted to read the room i didn't have the chance yeah i we were talking about this earlier i felt like i started in the creek and the brooklyn shows and the whiplash and all that shit i was like clubbier and you were clubbing i had to work off some like club stank and he had to work off some alt stank oh yeah big time where's the middle i think we're all kind of like getting to the middle at this point because we're working the road exactly if you live in the city you can have your little niche here right like i do these rooms i do those rooms's like, well, no, I do the runs that pay me for a living. And I kind of got to win new people over in those rooms.

I got to win over the dates. But you hear the stories about like Louis and Marin and Attell when they were coming up here in like the 90s. They did all the rooms. I think that's just what we all want it to be is, you know. Yeah. You want to be funny for everybody. I think I just want to quit.

Oh, come on. Come on. You want to back off? Live in the country? But that's the thing. You're to be funny for everybody. I think I just want to quit. Oh, come on. Come on. You want to back off? Live in the country? But that's the thing. You're so goddamn prolific. Like, you always have new shit and a lot of it. Like, it takes me so long to come up with new material and hone it and refine it.

But you always are pumping it out. I mean, yeah, I really like stand-up. Same. Like, I really love it. But the part I love about it is coming up with new stuff. Yeah. Once something works, you're like, okay, that's good to have. Yeah.

But now, can I top it? Exactly. And it's like, that's why I, I guess that's why I keep going. I can't do, I can't turn my life into the reality show with the phone. All I can do is turn out new material, because that's the part that I'm attracted to in all of it. And for better or worse, it's hell sometimes. Sure. Because you go for like two months without writing a new bit.

You're like, it's over. Yeah, that's the worst. I strip the gear. Yeah. I'm done now. People don't realize a new joke is like an invention. You have to invent something out of thin air or something has to happen to you and you have to make it funny and you have to tie it all up and has to make sense

and have a good ending and a turn that they didn't see coming i mean it's it's tough well it's what you said about doing the four sets a night like mark and i are definitely guilty of being those types of people and i think we there's something we battle with or like we forget to live life sometimes yeah have shit to write about and i don't think it's i don't think it's bad to do four sets a night because you guys are going to go. You guys got to, like, my short game's gone. Oh, really? I don't have a short game.

That's scary. I'm spoiled. I got doing an hour. It's 10 minutes of me, you know, kicking pebbles around the stage. You're here for me. Everybody loves me. Right. And then I get here and I'm just, like the light and I'm just like opening my notes.

Like I don't have a quick zingers in New York that I need them. The sellers help sometimes because you'll be following some new guy and you're like, fuck, this dude's really good. Yeah. And we're going there trying to work on shit. And it's like some new dude and you're like, this dude's playing the fucking hits. Oh, yeah. And my first five minutes now are going to be like kind of, you know, in the shitter. And then you're like, it's a 10-minute set.

I got lit at eight for some reason. The show's behind. Right. And now I just had a bad set. Yeah. And then your ego's hurt. And then the young guy's going, he's the good one. Come on.

I'm the man. Okay. Can you do Tomorrow Night? New material? Oh, shit. Sorry. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's like on the road, too.

You get like, I want to give local features an act. Yeah. Because I do bring people like a lot of time also. But you hear them like, yeah, there's no way to get feature work in these towns because everybody brings their own feature. I'm like, all right, do some weekends. Like, yeah, let's see what they got. And then I'm like, oh.

Oh, yeah. You got some big hitters in this town. Right. And this is their gig. This is their big gig at the club. I'm like. God damn it. This is why I got to bring my own feature. But I also want to bring people that are still a challenge to follow, too.

For sure. I bring Gary Veeder, and it's like just killer deadpan jokes. So it's like they're low energy. They have to listen. Yeah, that's perfect. I love his jokes, you know? I had Sam Talent coming out with me. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing myself?

I quit comedy every night. He is a force. force yeah i used to have sean patton come out like before sean pittman and i'd sit there i i quit comedy i think three times on tour with sean patton like legit like we'd be at a bar after i'm like don't talk to me yeah i gotta go listen to this musician play some sad songs in the corner because my career's over yeah i get back underneath it and you're like well everybody's here to have fun and i get in my head i get i get in my head about sean padden if you uh criminally underrated uh yeah look up his stuff if you don't know i'm one of the one of the best comics i've done road gigs with him where i'm like you headline because he's just so high energy and imaginative and he's all over the place and i'm like unique and the

story's like twist and turn and then yeah he's i was watching the other night and i was just like that's the thing i don't watch a lot of specials anymore but if i'm at the club and i'm following someone sometimes i'll watch sure and i was just like laughing out loud oh yeah he'll say some horrific shit where you're like where's this going but yeah it's some premise about you know that a lot of women orgasm when they give birth? I'm like, oh, goddammit, dude. What? I mean, I have faith in you, but fuck, man.

Why did you make us all realize that? And then it was crowd work. Would you want your mother to have an orgasm? Which I'm like, this is so hard to watch. And then it was hilarious. Yeah. He knows what he's doing. But, oh, that's great yeah

Patton but Patton Oswalt different Patton years ago said that about you I don't know if he knew that he's like I used to open for him and he was like this guy's killing too hard and it's making it hard for me well I knew it was like what you guys said you got like Schumer and everybody had like people out before like I'm not gonna pull tricks but this is a crowd that's here especially for pat and i was like this is a crowd these are like comedy fans like the arts like these are the people are gonna if they like you they're gonna follow you yeah yes and i'm like these are extra important people to do well in front of so i was like i'm gonna and that's my like that's my advice to open her like don't do you know don't hot dog anything yeah but you should try to bury me yeah because because

then then you win it's a constant like knock off you know you know whatever sports metaphor knock off king of the circle type shit like oh you did good then you should be getting paid for the headlining spot like that's what you should be doing and like that's what we thought of when we were features

I said that and then Sam Talen's like oh yeah I'm like alright Sam come on out I'm like I gotta shut the fuck up sometimes

there's something great about being in the green room when you're like damn this guy's fucking murdering and you're like alright and you kind of

have to like wake up a little and go alright I gotta do this now yeah I was in I was on on the road and uh james webb will film my sets and he directed my last special and he's like i was like we should give like a local guy a spot do you know any local guys here and he was like i got the guy he's the best fucking comic you never heard of this dude's a fucking killer and uh and then he's like i'm calling him he's gonna you're gonna have trouble following me and he's like i was like is he coming he goes he quit he quit comedy so some of those guys burned out what what do you know do you

remember who it was i forgot his name he was in chicago was it was austin oh okay okay damn but it was just like he just came and hung but i was like this is so he's like built him up i was like i kind of wanted to see it joe Rogan quit. Wow. How about that? It's about time. Joe Rogan started. Who knew? Okay. Hey, who's here to make friends?

I had that. Sam went, oh, okay. All right, I'll catch up. Whoa, easy, big papa. All right. I only got a set in seven hours. We'll see how this goes. This is our second show, by the way.

I've only got a set in seven hours. We'll see how this goes. This is our second show, by the way. Yeah, Sam was like, I was like doing some gig where there was a curtain in the bathroom. I'd do all these, you know, or I used to like, I got to do these punk venues. And then you get there, you're like, this is not a good place for comedy. The bathroom is behind the stage and there's a curtain and Sam's back there and I'm on stage. And I'm not doing well because I got one of my long drawn out bullshit stories. And there's just a guy seeing Sam's like, that was just so, it was like amazing.

Like I've never seen comedy that funny. And I'm on stage and the audience can hear that guy. That's great. Through me with a microphone. And finally I just got to open the curtain like, I'm right here. Like the show's not over, man. Damn. I've had a million of those. The worst, I think I've told you this before. I'm shitting. The show's not over, man. Damn. I've had a million of those.

The worst one, I think I've told you this before. I'm shitting at Comedy Works. I'm hosting. Pete Holmes is featuring. And Amy Schumer is headlining. It's all sold out. I did okay. Pete Holmes annihilates. It's like the roof came off. And then she's killing. And these guys are washing their hands. I'm shitting in the stall. And they're like,

Man, that guy in the middle, the tall guy, was amazing and the other guy's like i know i know and they're like and she's killer too i'm dying over here and he goes what about the host and i was like and i go he sucks my pants are on my ankles i'm totally vulnerable and i go i thought it was pretty good i'm trying to like chime in you come out or no no i couldn't go out it happened to me once on the take your shoes off so they couldn't see them and held them up out of sight so they couldn't recognize you? Yeah, I lifted. The same thing happened to me. Years ago, I was doing like a private gig with Al Lubell was headlining.

Oh, wow. And he was hilarious. Like really had killer jokes. And they were like weird one-liners. And a unique guy like that killing this stiff crowd. I was like, this is pretty damn impressive. Yeah. I sucked. And I was in the bathroom. I heard them this stiff crowd. I was like, this is pretty damn impressive. I sucked.

And I was in the bathroom. I heard them just saying how bad I was. And I was like, I was waiting, but they took forever. I was like, fuck it, I got to face them. I said, hey, and they're like, sorry, I'm like, yeah. Let that be a lesson about talking shit without looking under the stars. Now they just do it online to the whole world. Yeah, it'll be a faceless uh comment

yeah a lot of mean comments i gotta stop reading them because i'm like hey nice nice i know not to respond back but i still read them i hate myself for it yeah i can't stop mark reads them all he reads every comment oh yeah i get through a lot of them do you what's your ratio of like how you feel of good comments to bad like a hundred good comments one bad comment erased a hundred good comments i'm like yeah it's a hundred's about right it's like oh why why am i like this what's the guy in the front row doing this you know you're killing but that one guy it's like your arena lady you're focused on her do you look at the crowd no i go right over the head yeah i look at the lights because then if i do look at

the crowd i've already blinded myself oh that's so i'd rather risk my own vision rather than uh human interaction also more comfortable if i look at them i feel like they go like oh he's looking at us we have to laugh and i don't want that fake smile you know i'd rather get a real laugh yeah but sometimes you look and you're like you're just i don't know i just want to make sure they're having fun i'm sure i guess that's i'll use my ears for that in my eyes i'll just listen yeah and then if they heckle like all right well now i have to judge you to tear apart your appearance yeah see i can't you guys are you guys dip into the crowd i still yeah i won't do it i did it before the internet stuff just because i know i know i i've made my i've made i've been

loud on the internet how i feel about crowder clips but I also know like who's been doing it and knew it as part not as the first thing you do in comedy like open mic where you from no no no no this is material time it's like when people would just like have maybe like great roasters but they didn't have five minutes about yes that was an epidemic no I think I I think I do it, but I did it because I was like, you know, I was a big Dangerfield fan growing up, and I would like listen to Dangerfield. He would dip into the crowd, and it was because of his rhythm, I think. And I was like, oh, I love that, you know? And, you know, I think if you have short jokes, it helps the show. It breaks it up a little. Yeah.

I saw Don Rickles before he died. That's like watching somebody old do comedy, and you're kind of nervous. Like he started repeating a couple bits, and there's a couple like that. But then he looked, he just looked in the front row at this couple. He's like, what are you holding their hand for?

Nobody's fighting over. Cause everybody was kind of like, all right, we're watching this old guy kind of do the thing. And he busted that. Like he's still got it. He's still excited. Like fucking Rickles baby

and then he's dead six months later was it so good it was I mean for somebody that's like oh it's Don Rickles and so you saw

those glimmers of like what Don Rickles always was you were excited for that but a lot of it was like he said this one already yeah

okay that one's wow he was banging on the stage with the thing i gotta get him to row faster i'm like yowza and everybody else is kind of like it's he's old let him have it just let him we know he does he means well yeah that's gonna be a sad day when you see david tell like start slipping you're like oh no we're all getting old david tell the fastest gun in the west is just like so jaeger like i said jaeger already that set has to have happened at like you know everybody

has an off night i've done it oh yeah when you get when you'd have to do like the saint louis funny bone or whatever like when they do three three shows or zany's the three shows those are the ones where i'd like by the show three i'd be like i think i've said this one i've watched i've watched people do it i used to do like go to zany's in downtown chicago just to watch and then watch somebody on the third show everybody in there's fall down drunk the room is as big as a train car yeah and the guy had stays like i have five and they're like you said it already fuck you you'll listen again. This is my pursuit. This is my dream. Right.

Weird goal. I've chosen a weird goal. It's the smallest room, but it's still like the best. It's one of the best rooms. It's a great room. It's still one of my favorite rooms. I need to revisit it because when I started there, they weren't really putting up the way.

The locals were a lot of weirdos that now turned in. You know, you got your Pete Holmes and your Hannibal and stuff like that. But at the time, it was... That was your class? Yeah, yeah. Your class is insane, by the way. Was Nick Vatterot a little after you? No, Vatterot was the same time.

I love that. We love it. He's underrated. Nick's very funny. Vatterot got... Oh, that was a big one. Sorry, folks. I love Vatterot.

I got excited. No, don't back away from what you did. All right. Did you have to stand up for it? Well, it wouldn't come out with the pleather. It's almost like that would be better. It's almost like that would be good. I would have imploded.

I was sealed. It's not coming this way yet. Oh, it went north. It's the little things to be grateful about. It's all right. My ice melted. It's the little things to be grateful about. It's all right. My ice melted. It's like global warming. Killing the ice caps.

Yeah. It gave me more drinks, so I guess that's a good thing. The louder it is, actually, the less it stinks, I think. I don't know about that. All right. I don't think there's a correlation. I think it's that way with comics. The louder they are, the more they stink.

Oh, my God. When a comic's screaming screaming it fucking kills me oh yeah it's unnecessary the other night where you're just like they have four rooms now so like yeah i don't know if you've been to the fab like bar they have a bar show and uh just hanging and just a comic screaming i'm like fuck yeah when it when it messes with your ears you're like that i don't get what you're doing i know i think it just means they're not that good so they have to get your attention by screaming i don't know that's tough but i got a zany story so were you not allowed in there were you do you struggle to like get breakthrough i was allowed in the building well you don't know how do you pass no it wasn't it was like they had their they had their hosts that were great hosts that didn't do stand-up anywhere else

and then they had their features that occasionally got to do headlining spots that they were like kind of curating to become a star and then the traveling headliners so all the local guys. And we were all doing goofball shit. You got like a vat. And so we'd get to do guest spots. Like the manager, Martine, was always awesome. And he'd always ask the headliner, we got a guy we like.

I would do guest spots. But I was never going to get booked because I was a lousy emcee. Yeah. And it was one of those things like, well, we can't put you past. Right. To a feature. And so it wasn't the goal. It was kind of looked at as like, oh, that's just what the old people do.

Oh, interesting. Yeah, because I did the open mic there. And I don't know if you've heard this thing where you go to the open mic and you have to get there at a certain time. And if're late the owner yells at you and makes an example out of you in front of everyone yeah and i that was me so i couldn't get in the door was locked and i was like ah he's just like you got to be here at six you got to be here at six i was like he's like if you're a minute late don't even come in and i was you know it's 5 56 i'm banging on the door no one's answering and so i run around the back and uh that door is locked i'm like what the door no one's answering and so i run around the back and uh that door is locked i'm like what the fuck is this a trick and then uh the door swings open

and some waitress with a cigarette she's like what do you want i'm like i'm here for the open mic she's like oh you're late i'm like it's 5 58 she's like yeah you got to be here early and i'm like okay i run upstairs burt you know burt i don't know if i should say his name bleep that give the shit all right he's gone now but yeah it's in this room the green room and all the comics are there and they all have manila folders with their headshot and their resume and i'm like oh i don't have that so he's like you're late how dare you you come in here you disrespect my club you disrespect me everybody else got here early and he goes where's your headshot i go i don't have a headshot he goes and you don't have a headshot you make me sick you're never gonna work in this town again i ought to tell your

family you're a piece of shit whatever and i'm like god all the other comics like oh fuck this is bad and i leave and i was like coming to tears i was like so angry and i was like i should have chewed that guy out fuck him cut to six years later i feature there and he doesn't remember me and he's like hey welcome to the club i had a good set and he was like we're gonna pass you or whatever so i got passed to the club but i felt like jean valjean you know like i got back in and i was the mayor of the town but he didn't know who he wouldn't know i was the jail guy i uh i was there when they didn't even have an open mic because they didn't want people running around saying they played zanies. You know, people will just say that.

Right. They'll just lie. They're comedians. They'll just lie. Oh, that happens. You've seen this guy on Comedy Central. When I went back, you know, made my bones, went back as a headliner and was on stage. And I, you know, that's like, that's a clubby room.

It's a quick get them room. And I was even worse with my long stories of like, well, if you miss the detail at the beginning, you're not going to understand the middle. I was pretty up my own ass. Yeah. But I'm doing it. It's a late show. It's going all right. All of a sudden, all the way back in the bar, I hear scuffling going on.

Uh-oh. I'm like, what's happening? Somebody just goes, fight. I'm like, all right. What's the story? They're like, it's cops and uh nate bargansi was just hanging out in the back he was just all the way in the back by the nacho cheese yeah and uh he's like yeah it was like this is the most chicago bullshit thing because that place

was notorious for being like this spot that was paid off and oh like it like back in the day and so these cops got in with their dates and they're all in the back and some guy's sitting there, it's a very small place and this gal tried to go to the bathroom and I guess like tripped over his foot and was just shitty to him about it because she wasn't looking where she was going

he's like why'd you fucking watch where you put your legs, he's like why'd you stop being a bitch and then a guy goes you can't say that I'm a cop, he's like yes I oh that's not what you can do as a cop and then shit went down and then the regular cops showed up to support their buddies clearly put the dude who was in the right put him in cuffs yeah now they're leading everybody i'm on stage the whole time now they're leading people out through the front door which is right next to the stage and i had friends from like my hometown in the front row.

I'm like, yeah, this is what it looks like when my dreams come true. I'm so proud to tell people, yeah, that was a big marker. Your headline is it. Just for people that didn't know anything. Of course, yeah. And I just kind of shout over bar fights. Yeah, but that doesn't happen at Cats or Les Mis, or Les Mis, or Wicked, you know, these cops coming in and fighting a lady.

Again, I think it has to. There's got to be a story about somebody yelling at Cats, like somebody getting booted out of Cats. I hope. I'd love to hear it. I guess they don't do crowd work about it. I did go see Rock of Ages in Las Vegas. That was fun.

Fantastic. Nobody's going to like this movie or play. Musical. Yeah. You know what it is, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And one guy would like-

It's like Def Leppard and stuff. Yeah. It's a musical about the Sunset Strip in the 80s. Oh, I didn't know that. It's My Wheelhouse. That's cool. And there was a guy that was just so drunk, he just kept thinking it was a concert and he kept standing up to like sing the songs

like sir you can't interrupt the performance like we're fucking playing the tunes man and they kept telling me i'm like i'm kind of on his side they're doing a good job it's in one of these big like arenas in vegas there's like 50 people in there i was doing i was doing punk rock bull like a punk rock festival i was sick of punk rock at that point in the week and i'm like i'm going to see rock ages by myself yeah i'm with these like you know the older ladies and taking in a show they think i'm going through a thing because i'm at a vegas show alone and then they get to the ballads and i'm like drunk and kind of feeling like the journey tunes maybe like getting emotional yeah and this one lady just kept knocking over my beer because she's dancing a little.

Right. And then I'm leaving. They're like, I'm so sorry, honey. And they're like, she gives me like 50 bucks. I'm like, I'm fine. And they're like, everybody's fine. They really thought I got dumped and had to go sing 80s rock tunes. Best show of the weekend.

There you go. I love the guy who thinks it's a concert. He thinks it's a lady at Cats with like two cats. She's like, I thought that's what we did here. We just show up with our cats. I wish. That's something like that happens. Like the run of these performers, like every comedian has a story about shit going wrong.

Musicians have something crazy. I guess so. Broadway's got its batch of fucking movies. It's got to. I hope. I hope. Dress up like cats to go to. I hope. I hope. Dress up like cats to go to Cats?

Yeah. People do that, right? Somebody must be in a Hamilton outfit, like a full-on, you know. Well, if that's as bad as it gets, then they're fucking lucky. I would think there's some bad shit. But I think most of their stories are like, I lost my voice and I still did the show. I feel like it's much less about hecklers, right? Yeah, I don't think they get heckled a ton.

I really came around on musical theater. Do you go to it just as a thing to do because you're in New York? You're like, let's go take a show. I grew up with it. You're from here, but I love musicals. My mom loved that stuff, but if I'm dating the girls into it, I don't go with my guy friends, but if there's a girl

that I'm dating... But it's less of a thing to do. Yeah. It with like my guy friends, but like if there's a girl that I'm dating. But it's less of like, it's like a thing to do. Yeah. Like, hey, you know, do something silly. Go see a show. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't grow up with it all. Like I go and I see like how much effort is like, it makes you feel so small as a comedian

to see like all these people not only learn lines, but are singing them and know where to stand. Yes. So this giant prop doesn't come and knock them off the stage. Then they run then they change costumes somebody made the costume yes i look at all that and i think about how like oh i'm pretty tired i don't know if i'm like get the fuck oh i i mean over yourself we can live way harder and like i we can go on stage hungover we can go on stage feeling like shit

you see like i just i saw company on broadway it's amazing it's a great show but uh what's can you look up the woman's name in it? She's famous. You'd know her name if you heard it. I bought tickets with my dad. He fucking loved it. Company? Yeah.

It's so fucking... It's like funny. It's Sondheim. It's funny. It's great music. Patty LuPone. Oh, LuPone. She's got to be in her 60s, but she's moving around the whole time.

And I'm like, that's... It's incredible. I couldn't do that. Oh, yeah. These people all have like Juilliard. They dance. They sing. They got it all where's your what like speak of that like what's your life then do you like get up and do stuff during the day i think they dance oh they go ballet and shit but i mean like during the day is that do you have i think they have to be really careful and just really healthy probably

go to the gym maybe like light light, light gym. Yeah. I mean, this is like, it's like you're an astronaut. Like your life is about training to do the thing. Yes. And then you do the thing, and then you get shot into space or you're on Broadway for four months. And people come from Cleveland and all these places to watch it and they pay hundreds of dollars to see you, you know, high kick. But this definitely shows, like, I don't move.

I'm going to get over the fact that I bombed for seven minutes the other night at a Two Boots pizza. I'm not going to take it so personal now. No fault of Two Boots. It was a lovely slice.

But we could definitely perform longer than them. Although she's 74 and still at it. She's 74? She looks good. Perform longer like how? Well, I'm just saying

because we have a one-man band. It's just us. So we can go on. You know, Rickles is up there at 88 or 90, you know. That's what comics can do. I mean, it's probably harder to get cast the older you get. But, I mean, she's been working forever. What was her TV credit?

I know her face. Was she a... She looks like Janet Reno. What was the what was the corky tv show life goes on was that her was she life goes on whoa no wonder i'm hard i haven't seen that in years for which which part of life goes on hard for corky oh yeah i got a fetish hey guys peter's here producer for for We Might Be Drunk. I want to talk to you for a second about WeMightBeDrunkPod.com.

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Patreon.com slash WeMightBeDrunkPod. WeMightBeDrunkPod.com is the place to go. Back to the show. Go Bills. Hey, we love Liquid Death, baby. It's that Liquid Death mountain water flavored sparkling water iced tea. I love a Tallboy can. It's a non-alcoholic choice that you can enjoy anywhere with flavors like Reston Peach and Armless Palmer.

Hey, that's fun. It's good stuff. It's seltzer. It's really good. So good. Tall boy, who are we? Kevin Spacey? It's a gift that keeps on giving.

All these sparkling drinks, I mean, like New York Jew, it's a stereotype, but we love this stuff. It's just good, good, clean living right here. Yeah, you can mix it with cocktails if you want to have a little booze in there, but it tastes great. They go down easy. Nice summer drink, and we drink them on here all the time. Drinking Liquid Death. Crack a can here. I'm going to pop one right now.

What is this one right here? You got iced tea, it looks like. Iced tea? Ooh, that's nice. Armless Palmer. Clever. I love it. The names are like the Simpsons Halloween episodes.

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Plus, we might be drunk listeners to get 20% off their first Liquid Death apparel purchase. Available exclusively at liquiddeath.com slash drunk. Exclusions may apply. That's liquiddeath.com slash drunk. I love a forehead. Life goes on. There it is. Wow.

What a pull. I wonder what Corky's doing these days. Yeah, pull up Corky. He's probably passing the cellar at this point. Wait, what is that? You don't know life goes on? I've never seen that. What?

Oh, wow. Oh, you had a good childhood. There he is! Yeah, that's Corky. I'm telling you, it's all head. He's not Irish. It's what you think. It's not.

He had a lot of moves. He got good credits. He did Mona Lisa Smile. Come on. This guy's killing it. Big Cork. Chris Burke. What was his show?

Big Cork. He was the special needs guy in Life Goes On. Yeah, like Down Syndrome fella. Yeah. Head of the game. 89. Yeah, we're older than you. I don't think he ever gets mad at being typecast.

He's not going to play the born identity. You don't? Maybe stillborn. You never know. Jesus Christ. Sorry. We're having fun. Oh, yeah.

So you must love the- I'll throw another drink on after that one. Yeah, get this guy to hold it. There you go. Thank you. Beer Jew. Now, you must be happy about the YouTube game we all got going on here. We're all in a bunch of YouTube hours over here.

Same website where kids open new Legos. This is what holds my career in a tan. A few more million hits than us. Those guys are millionaires. Unbridled enthusiasm for those Lego sets. Good for them. They're not jaded by life. I don't think that'll end well, but for now, they're having a great time.

But it's a nice option. No, yeah, I'm making jokes about it. Just let it be out there. Yeah. Let's put it out on the labels. We want to shop because labels spent money on it. They want to shop it around. I'm like, it's going to go on YouTube.

Yeah. I'll tell you now. It's going to go to YouTube. Yeah'm every streaming service has three of this oh right they have this guy right so i'm not gonna be the guy but i just think youtube does better yeah i mean there's like there's like prestige i guess on that but i don't who cares yeah i mean i do think youtube is kind of the best place for a special now. We want eyeballs. Yeah. That's it.

I forget, like, it took me a while to realize that people watch YouTube like TV. Oh, yeah. Because I'm like an old man that's not sitting there doing it. But yeah, people put it on TV and just sit there. I'm like still looking at it on my phone thinking like, well, people are going to watch the whole special on the phone. It's like, no. They put it on their TV.

They're more, they know how HDMI cables work in their home, and they can put them like, oh, yeah, people do that. I'm the one because I think I live a certain way. That's how everybody lives. Exactly, and we're getting older, so it's a whole new generation. I'm hanging out with my niece. I put it on TV. She's like, what is this?

And I'm flipping through it. She's like, this is a waste of time. And she's right. I'm like, infomercial uh it's the lifetime oxygen she's doing the same thing on netflix she's just scrolling like she can't decide what to watch true but it's not like c-span you know and all these other boring yeah i'm not stopping on like the car restoration show spike just because this is what I've convinced myself I like because I'm sick of looking for something in a hotel room.

Right, right. Like, I don't want to see him get this Honda up and running. There's a FanDuel network. There's, like, networks you've never heard of. I know. Encore, Stars, all that shit. And it's just such a, it's so primitive. You just feel like, oh, this is like a VCR now or something.

But there's something fun about, like, I just got cable back for the first time and like i like never had cable and it's been forever and yeah uh and it's like there's something fun about like coming into cape fear like that's true that's true there's something kind of cool about that it's like the radio now this is like the one of the lonelier things i've ever realized but like sometimes i like like if i haven't been on the road in a while and i turn on the tv and mario lopez is there i'm like oh hey mario i haven't seen you in a while my pal mario is gonna tell me what's what's happening on tv today good to see you're still at it right that's a real road shit yeah you know like ac slater we grew up together i like that

you're still doing this whatever it is i don't know if screech were still alive and he was doing the road he just turned that on he's like oh oh yeah good point yeah he went to porn he went to comedy yeah did you ever work with screech no did you no dustin diamond i remember uh i did a porn with him once yeah well that's how we you know that was the level you know people understand the hustle you know that was uh it was an unpaid porn spot. What's the sketchiest thing you did early on thinking it was going to? I almost wore a giant penis costume. Really?

The early days of the internet was just put out anything like 2003 or something. Whoa. We're going to put you in this giant penis costume. You're going to go out and you'll be on the Santa Monica Pier interviewing people. And I was just like, I don't. Good for you, man. I would have done it. Yeah, and then I talked to, thank you.

Gracias. Oh, you didn't do it, though? No, it's like one of the few things my dad was like, I don't know. You got a good dad. I did a dating show that was really embarrassing. This guy was like like he saw my comedy he's like i'll pay you if you do this dating you just go on a couple dates and be funny on it and i was like okay and then i was like this is so bad i saw it this is so fucking

oh really yeah yeah i was on a car ride with a guy he was a comic and he was like what do you think about me doing naked and afraid i got an offer and i was like don't do it that's crazy you're gonna be naked on tv for the rest of your life. And he's like, I already did it. You idiot. So he's on that. I never. Yeah, that show. I was like, what's the point of all this?

So the show is that he's stuck in the woods or something? Yeah. Real sunburned, eating leeches. Yeah. A lot of mosquitoes. How much money do you get if you win? Is there winning? Was it the same guy every week or is it a new person?

Wait, actually, this is the one where you're naked on a dating show. Oh. Maybe I'll get the name wrong. What's the one on the dating show? It's like naked. It could still be naked and afraid for the woman it might be. Right. There's a naked attraction?

Maybe that was it. I don't know. Either way, it was on VH1 and it was a real dating naked. That was it. He did that. And he's a naked attraction? Maybe that was it. I don't know. Either way, it was on VH1, and it was a real dating naked. That was it. He did that. And he's a good-looking guy, but- Is it stand-up? Can we look through the credits and see what it is?

Oh, yeah. It was Doug Key. Really? Yeah, yeah. Why did he do that? It's TV. You know, TV is so alluring when you're a young comic. Do they blur your dick?

Yeah, they do. See? A lot of blurring. But somewhere out there there it's not blurred yeah in europe china everything's blurred yeah japan yeah they blur the porn over there that's you just make japanese porn there's nothing at risk that's not bad you'll stand out well remember when it's like, reality shows are going to be everything, like just, like,

I was glad I didn't do anything where it was like my name. Yeah. My real name and it wasn't acting. Boom, there he is, that's our buddy. He's in good shape.

He's in good shape. Very good shape. It didn't help him or hurt him, so it was fine. No, I had a friend who went on Judge Judy. Whoa,

now that seems kind of fun i think that's way that that's kind of fun like kind of funny were they in on it like yeah yeah oh no they knew that she was a comic and they knew the other guy was oh that's great it was pretty funny actually they some of them seem kind of real and some of them are straight clown ass and i think i think it's a healthy mix like j Jerry Springer, RIP to that guy. There was like a mix of sketch people in Chicago would get booked on it. But then my sister's friend was the talent wrangler. Oh, boy.

For some of – and she's like, not all of it. Some of them are the real deal. Wow. And as a talent wrangler, it's just her. That makes me happy. Five in the morning, like, I'm going out for cigarettes. Like, you can't leave the hotel. It's like, you know, they're going out to get drugs or fight hookers.

Like, please don't. We have to have you at the studio in two hours. Oh, that sounds like hell. Like, oh, I'm going to get a gig at Showbiz. And then you're a talent wrangler for Jerry Springer chasing people around the streets because they're looking for fucking mental lights. I spent a whole morning with him once because he- Really?

When Jim and Sam were doing like, they were like, we're on vacation, will you guest host? It'd be you and Jerry Springer. And I was like, fuck yeah. Hell yeah. And then they were like, you can bring a friend. So I just brought Greg Stone with us. Sure. And he was the nicest dude.

Like, I loved him. Oh, yeah. He was a politician. He was a country singer. He's lived was a politician. He was a country singer. He's lived, that guy. Yeah. He was a country singer? Yeah.

I didn't know that. For a while, yeah. I mean, if you try to pay for a hooker with a check as the mayor of a town. That sounds like a country song. Yeah, I was going to say, you're going to get a country song out of that. You get at least one. There he goes. Can we play a few tunes?

Oh, that's like later in life. Oh, yeah. I think he's won. There he goes. Can we play a few tunes? Oh, that's like later in life. Oh, yeah. I think he's Jewish. I mean, he is. He is Jewish. The rare country singing Jew. Talk to talk. Oh, so he was capitalizing off of the show already.

Sorry, Jerry. Yeah. I just want to tackle him like a show. Yeah, you don't have a... You know, on the show, they all said, before you go out there, you can't fight. You're not allowed to fight on the show. And they all go, oh, of course, of course.

Then they would fight immediately. Every time. But they wanted to have fun. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The bouncer got his own show. Steve. I watched a lot of Springer.

That was the guy's name, Steve. Yeah. Big bald guy. Yeah, and he got his own show. He's just a lot of springer that was the guy's name steve yeah bald guy yeah and he got his own show he's just a clumsy weirdo yeah that's how big that show was that you could spin off characters security got a gig yeah yeah exactly so you're cheating on him that was the extent of that show that was it it. Was him kind of disapproving. Yes. But then not knowing. Steve Wilcox. There he is. Wow. Is he Steve Harvey's doing a judge show? No.

Judge Steve Harvey. Jesus Christ. That guy's cashing in. Mm-hmm. How, I've always, what do you think, like, the health regimen of somebody at that, like, that guy's all over. Like, you're doing five TV shows. Mm-hmm. That guy's all over. Like, you're doing five TV shows. Like, what kind of access?

Or like a Madonna or somebody that's like 60 and going to do a stadium tour. What are you taking to do that? I know. I want to know about rich people. You're talking about like a paycheck? Black market health care. No, no, health care. Oh, I see.

You mean like workout regimens? He's a trainer. She's a doctor. Or maybe that's just how lazy I am. How are you doing like two things in the day? What's your secret, Date Time Drinks? I saw a thing that Nikki Glaser posted the other day, and she was like, I'm on Jimmy Fallon's singing show. I was like, Jimmy Fallon has a singing show?

Yeah, take a breather. I'm like, what is this guy? Having your own late night show is a lot of work. Oh, yeah, Jimmy Fallon has a singing show? Yeah, take a breather. What is this guy? Having your own late night show is a lot of work. Oh, yeah, right. Is it another show? These guys never stop or they'll die. Yeah, Seacrest was going coast to coast for gigs. Yeah.

I think that, well, first of all, they're all on Ozembic. You know about this? What's that? The weight loss drug. That's how Barkley lost all that weight. You gotta do a needle, you know. Oh, really? really yeah a lot of people took it and i mean you just shed weight i think shaq took it too yeah they both look great but that's not mark walberg was like he's like you shouldn't do that you know you should fucking wake up at 4 a.m like me yeah should just punch a brick wall you should just blind a vietnamese yeah it gives me abs

abs the guilt eats away the fat because I know I might not go to heaven. Yeah, everybody's got their own. I mean, Biden and Trump, I think, are hooked on Adderall. That's like presidential. You wake up, here's five shots, a bunch of pills. As a president, you're going to fly to this country. You're going to fly here. You're going to run the country.

Or is it secretly the easiest gig because everybody else is in charge exactly you're like just speaking every day though it's got to be hard that's what we do we do it is i'm pretty tired of it yeah i'm gonna shut the fuck up for about a month after this run so uh you're doing a lot of podcast yeah my voice already sounds like this and now it echoes in my head it's not great yeah it's not the acoustics you desire it's way the press for a special is so much harder than stand up oh it's a nightmare because the stand-up is fun the press it feels like i mean this doesn't feel like work because we get drunk on it but like doing other podcasts and i'm like holy shit it's it's a lot you gotta like drum up stuff well and it's like what's like if it's like

well what's the what's the bit that we're doing or if i don't know people right and like yeah i think i can get to be impersonable and we're talking about being introverts and everything it's like all right we gotta do this yeah talk like you see that ai come that like beer commercial that they made with ai no it's all like yeah it's like grotesque kind of like everything's off like how when ai does stuff that's what like comedy podcasting feels like to me is because i'm just like it's all is this this is as an as a commercial before the fake commercial that the robots made you got oh my god oh weird yeah just the faces whoa yeah this is what this gives me hope though that ai is not good yet oh we got it not yet but this is all fake and this is just

this is what uh doing press feels like yes that's great that's great whoa this is weird i don't like this. This is dream shit. Yeah, it's kind of creepy, right? Oh, my God. Yeah, pause it there. What are they doing? What's going on?

What the fuck? What beer was that? I think they made up a beer. Oh, there's Will Smith. Oh, my God. I don't like this shit. It makes me feel weird. Yeah.

Yeah, it should. I hope that. It makes me feel weird. Yeah. Yeah, it should. I hope that it makes more people feel weird. Yeah. And we aren't, like, sexy enough, you know? Right, right. We got to get back to that Twins commercial. Yeah, and Twins. We keep playing that Twins.

Remember that commercial? What? Pull that one up, Matt. Was it Coors? The Coors Light commercial. We were just talking about how Bud Light had the Dylan Mulvaney thing, and we were just like, let's look at some beer ads from the early 2000s and how different they were.

Pull this one up. Wildly different. Yeah. Look how much things have changed. Yeah. This is a Kid Rock video. Yes. Yes.

That's the punch with the twins wow that was a different time what year was that? I think 2001 somebody at an advertising firm did not think that was funny at all they're like crushed it team yeah fellas you nailed it i think this ad is why 9-11 happened i think that's why they attacked i could understand their values are incorrect they don't align with our with the muhammad The way they just pander, though.

Here's to football. It's like, holy shit, it's perfect. Oh, yeah, that was a hit. I mean, we'd walk around school going, and twins. Don't forget the twins. Twins. Yeah, that was a big deal. Is that still like a hot thing?

It's a myth because they're sisters. They're not going to fuck both. It it's not not hot but it's just not like my thing it's like if i saw it i'd be like yeah that's hot but it's like the thing that you always said was the thing to prove that you weren't gay oh i would like twins oh yeah like when you're a kid you don't even know what sex is like fucking twins dude right i remember yeah that i mean obviously lived in la long enough and seeing women that get the plastic surgery like oh you're trying to look like what the gay kid describes in seventh grade to prove he's into ladies like oh i like big juicy titties and like lips that are just big big juicy

lips and titties because like oh yeah we don't know that it's okay for you to be gay all right so you're gonna lie and then a woman's like i'm gonna i'm gonna pay money to look like that yes that's uh off-putting to me but i mean if you feel better about your body but yeah like twins give me give me two of them give me relatives like come on guys did we think this one out okay fine cousins all right stop it stop using your imagination about sex you're never gonna fuck don't worry about it right update and friends that's better yeah two of them also it is if you're having a threesome with twins that's kind of incest it is incest it's incest yeah yeah but they're doing it with each other yeah right so they're you gotta pretend that they're fighting

and you're trying to break it up it's's the only way that Jesus will let it happen. Is he looking? Get a hang. Ladies, put your clothes on. You're not mad at each other. Anal, God's hole. I mean, incest is like the new porn thing, though. It's like, it's all stepbrothers.

Good point. It's all like basically incest, right? That's number one. I can't, anything that looks like if she's under 30, I'm like, get it out of here. Yeah, we like MILF. I mean, I don't lie. Anything that looks like if she's under 30, I'm like, get it out of here. Yeah, we like MILF. I mean, I don't even need to. Just a woman that seems like she's there of her own accord. Sure.

Right. Just that. Yo, you've made a choice as an adult. Yeah. And you're okay with it. Yeah. I need it to feel consensual in the porn. It needs to feel like, I don't want to be like, oh, you got caught shoplifting.

No, just call the cops. No, it's not Punisher with sex. Doesn't feel good. I don't want this to be your first gig. Yeah, don't give me any stories. No, no. But that's how I feel. I've gotten DMs on the road

where a girl's like, you want to come over to my hotel and fuck me? I'm like, this is actually all I needed. Just the fact that you will fuck me, I'm good. I don't need to fuck you fuck you yeah the consent is hotter than the set yes exactly i had a recent one this is a maybe i shouldn't share this but i was getting a text i got a random text from a random number and i was like what's this and it was a naked lady

and i was like oh and she's like hey roger come over and i was like uh-oh a trap this is the wrong number so i go oh you know i'm kind of over you i'm just fucking with her and she's like come on you know i give the best head i'll suck you dry and i'm like will you though and i'm just like going with it just you know i'm at a restaurant i don't give a shit and she keeps sending crazier videos now she's spread the legs she's playing stuff. She's got the tits out. What restaurant were you at? Bob's Big Boy.

And so then I'm like, I don't know. I'm a little bored with you. I got a new girl down the block. She's even better. And she's like, what? I'll kill her here. How about this? And she's sending more and more videos.

And it's getting, like, sad. So I feel bad. I go, look, it's the wrong number. I feel bad. I can't do the charade anymore go find roger wrong number and she goes well what do you what's your story and i was like oh wow i was like i'm just a comedian in new york she's like you want to come over and i was like oh this is horrible so i just deleted her that was a trap from number from the get-go. Oh, really? Absolutely. The wife?

I don't know if you've seen, but that's a trap. Really? There's no dude's name Roger. Oh, yeah. Why didn't engage? It's like two Rogers. Especially, you don't just start with nude pictures. Well, they seem to know each other pretty well.

I think you'd make sure. Uh-oh. Somebody tried to do that on Instagram. I was like, nah. Really? Nah. What's out there? Nah.

Russian bot. I'm not following this. Before we went on a date, she just sent me. She was very aggressive. She sent me a picture of a guy getting blown with a finger up his ass. Whoa. And I was on a flight. I was shocked the picture came through.

In-flight Wi-Fi. But it was aggressive. I was like, this is too much for me. Out of the gate. She was like, do you want this to happen to you? And I was like, yeah, but I don't want that to be your opener. I don't know. Do I know the guy?

Right. Yeah, that's... So how was the sex? Pushy didn't didn't happen really yeah it was too pushy i got i get turned off but i like to i like to be the aggressor i like to do the chasing but uh interesting so you didn't pursue because of the photo yeah yeah probably oh wow fascinating any anytime someone's aggressively yeah it just makes it less attractive you want to be the one who at least you want what you can't have you want to pursue you want to chase yeah uh-huh i don't know i was always like passive about it oh yeah i'm like this you're choosing

this you're a wild one wow odd taste but okay i know that's how i've it's like that old chris rock joke he's like whenever i get some pussy i'm like it's my lucky day you know as a single guy that was how i felt i was like oh my whenever I get some pussy, I'm like, it's my lucky day. You know, as a single guy, that was how I felt. I was like, Oh my God, I can't believe anyone's willing to. Yeah. It was always that like,

Oh, you like me. What's wrong with you? Well, yeah, that's a big one. There's that Groucho shit, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Where you're like, like, what the fuck? Yeah. You almost don't trust him a little bit. Yeah.

Totally. Totally. I'm glad I'm out of the loop. You've been a single man right now? I'm in the beginning of something. Yeah. How about you? I've been nine years in. Yeah. I know the beginning of something so yeah how about how about nine years in yeah i know her she's yeah yeah yeah and i'm like i look at like what's going like oh god god bless you boys out there i know boys in the field it's a tough scary it's a scary out there scary sending you off to war yeah landmines everywhere. Watch out for Charlie. It's fun.

All right. Just be careful. Yeah. Well, you just never know who gets mad and then they twist shit and turn shit. You can't live your life that way. All right. I agree. Fart.

I don't like it. Fart right now. Don't. Holy shit. Hey, you're welcome. We're finding a new talent. That's called timing. Let me see if I can point out

he's going Mike oh we got a long way to go grasshopper that was a single clap applause that was the saddest rebuttal of all time

that was just one penny in the fountain is what that was I was Will Smith you were Chris Rock well I will have my revenge. All right, yeah, please. Everyone called him a bitch.

Charlemagne called him a bitch. All right, that was my Chris Rock going after Will Smith. That was a weird gimmick to sell a special. Do you have any things that are bothering you lately, like peeves or anything? I got some lined up. I'm trying to be better about not being, like, I,

I think I am pretty high strung about a lot of shit and I'm trying to lighten up about it. Cause I like what, like, you know what? I think it's the fact that I will lay awake at night. Just, Oh,

he said this and you did this and you don't like, and I'm like, I'm bad with my phone. I just lay there looking at things. I don't want to interact on my phone, but I just i found reddit i was never a guy oh careful it sucks man like i mean it's evil it can be like like everything can be curated to your interests and be useful but it's the internet we know it's not that it goes into reading the horrible comments and then like oh i'm being like i'm being fed

these things that are gonna make me this guy i'm gonna get angry about these type of politics even though i was indifferent right and then i'll wake up in the morning i'll look at it almost it's three hours i'm laying in bed and i'm angry at the world like oh this didn't nothing about my world changed except i wasted three hours yep read some shit that i'm not gonna do anything about right but now it's gonna paint my view of the day so i think i'm just angry at my lack of self-control that's what it is but that's been your peeve is your own shit yeah it's been decades that makes sense i do the same thing reddit is poison i mean it's really oh yeah i get real honest. Do you get around it?

Like, I would love to know a way that you get around it. I don't. I mean, I just don't look at it. You don't even open it. I met the guy. I met the guy who ran it because I did a thing he hosted. He's a really nice guy. I shit on him pretty hard because he was hosting the thing.

I immediately was just like zinging him. Yeah. And he's like, I know. I know. He felt bad about it. I put poison in the world. Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, I mean, it's just look, you're going to look sometimes, but you can limit it. Like when you're looking, you can catch yourself. But sometimes, you know what I think is like, instead of reading a book or something, I'm reading what just random people are writing. And it's just vitriol. I'm on my nightstand collecting dust. And I'm like, you're going to read this at night. You're not going to look at your phone. And then I put my phone on top of the book.

You choked the book out with your phone. Reddit is like 4chan light. It's scary. There's a lot of scary people on there, but you just can't look at it. How about this for a peeve? You ever have this guy, the guy who wants a photo with you, but he calls you over? He's like, oh, oh, comedian. Come here.

Come here. Let me get a picture. Let me get a picture. I'm like, you want to pick. You come to me. I got to go to you now. He's like sitting at a table. He's like, come here.

Come here. So now I'm like a puppy. Like, oh, okay. I'm going over to you. And then he's like, hey, you're pretty good. Yeah. What's up? What's it, Mike?

Yeah, Mike. Yeah. I'm like, all right. Thank you. I came to him you gotta come to me the other day a guy was walking home it was the it was raining i was walking home i passed a guy in a car he goes sam picture picture i was like it's raining you're in the car yeah and it was like 20 feet behind me fuck that is that like that seems like

a very new york kind of thing the new y York thing. Bro, bro, bro, come here. Definitely. Exactly. I like that I have kind of introverted fans. Like in a mix of like drunk dudes that are like self-conscious about being, like aren't confident about being drunk. They're like, hey man, I just want to say, I just want to listen to your car. And I was like, can we get a selfie? I'm like, call it a picture, please.

Yeah. Like, hey, can you take a selfie for us? Well, now it's not a selfie. Right. Now it's a photo. But it's not like, I'm still in that mix of, like, I can't go. Do you guys go out after show? Like, out in the crowd after shows?

Do you meet people? Nah, nah, not really anymore. I don't know how to manage it. It's too much's harder than the show it's way more work yeah and i just i've been trying to spread the word like i'm so glad everybody's there but i don't know how to hang out but okay our people who listen to us are awesome our people listen to us are really the best a lot of people watch the special because you guys recommended it so thank you for that yeah well it's it's like uh they're really well-behaved drunks that's the funny thing it's like they're all drinking so much of the shows but that's

they're really good drunk that's what i that's what i like yeah like okay like i'm same thing i'm a guy that's gonna have drinks i was a shithead a few times and i remember that part yeah yeah but same i get friends know, the high school friends. I was just in New Orleans back home and they were like, man, you used to like black out. You don't black out anymore. They were saying it like a bad thing. Like, come on. What happened to you?

You got all queefy up there in New York. And I'm like, I don't know. I don't want to black out and drive and forget where I am and, you know, fall down and lay on the sidewalk. Yeah. I've grown up. I feel like there's there's always maybe a couple they're not as many anymore that feel like disappointed that you won't do a shot

with them yes and i'm like if that's what determines whether or not you want to stay being a fan good point i'll cut my losses good point also there's some there are nights where i'm like i feel like doing a shot but i'm more of a sipper than a shooter i'm more i'd rather sip on it but then if somebody sees me do one then somebody else wants to do one yeah and now I feel like if anybody wants to buy me a drink I'm like oh thank you but they're giving them to me for free because then there's like what about you a drink now I feel like they expect some sort of like obligation to hang out and like I don't I said all the stuff I want to say now I don't have the social skills completely this afterwards because like i want to talk somebody wants to say something like oh

you know comedy got me through a rough time like oh that's sweet and then a drunk person comes in from three o'clock like look we're gonna do a drink and then somebody's like oh canane's out i'm like oh but this person was saying something sweet but also you bought a ticket too right i'm like i got a veggie platter in a green room. I was saving the broccoli for after because broccoli is my favorite, the little ranch dip. So I'm going to just sit back there until everybody's empty. Is that your veggie platter with the ranch? Yeah, because I know I'm going to eat like shit every other moment. So in the green room, like give me some vegetables.

Get some veggies. That's my rider. Yeah, yeah. I got only healthy things in the green room because I'm going to get like a large pizza that I'll eat in bed. Same here. Me and Mario Lopez

are going to split a large pie. I have like nuts, Pepto, and the veggie platter are the main thing. Smart, smart. Get that veggie because you're not going

to get it in any other shop. I know, that's why. It's like I'm just going to house this whole and not even, I don't need fancy. Yeah. Cheap one with a dip

in the middle. It's my favorite. The big old cellophane yeah that's cherry tomatoes baby boy we fucking party guys yeah no more blowing rails in the green room well that's the thing if you were like oh you're coming to memphis i got a guest room i got a snake i got a pool uh you know above ground pool we can we can live it up man i won't bother you you can just come by i'll cook for you but i won't bug you and you're like why would i want to do that but the people they're just so optimistic but you gotta realize people don't know the other side of it sure people are like let me buy you a drink because it'd be like feel good like like you paid for a ticket that's all you needed to do. Yeah. That's all you needed to do.

I'll give them a drink usually. I'll bring Bodega Cat on the road. So I'll just be like, here, I got you a drink. There you go. I'm sipping mine. I'm not, you know, doing shots. Yeah. Right.

If I got drunk every night. Oh. Oh. Like, even Guns N' Roses probably had a like, all right. Thank you, Minneapolis. Yeah. Boys, I got a yoga dvd for the bus let me get a seltzer yeah take it easy slash you're gonna make that good mediterranean pasta i'm gonna have a real easy one tonight all right i'm gonna watch sleepless in seattle all right

we're gonna watch apocalypse one time yeah i did the burt kreischer fully loaded we'd watch movies get drunk every night one night i was like let's just watch a movie and we watched apocalypto and smoked weed and it was like it was so nice because it's called fully loaded you're with these fucking animals joey diaz and gillis and all these crazy big j and you're like let's just watch a movie. We've been on the road for 12 days drinking. You long for like the sleepover days. Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah, give me a stick of celery.

Well, Bert's the oldest one there and he's fucking going, he's drinking the most. Going nuts. I was joking with somebody. I wonder if like when Bert finally gets a night off, he just puts on all his shirts. They just won for every night he's had to take one off like this is all i wanted this is all i really want that's his rape shower that's his like yeah i love myself i just want to wear shirts hilarious all right one more pee and then i'll leave you guys i got

some you got one let me see we got peas we go um hmm all right we'll wrap things up here let me see what i got um oh this is more me being stupid so i've seen this this is a peeve but it's more like me just kind of venting almost we're like i started seeing a girl and you ever just like recommend a show to someone she's like i need a show to watch while we're apart i was like oh we're going through classic shows i was like mad men that's a great show and she's like i've never seen that she binges it like four seasons in like two weeks which i'm like she's like now everything she's saying is like how much she hates men i'm like oh yeah you needed a week in between oh an episode from mad man wasn't meant to be binged she's watching like don draper fuck like 47 different women right right

she's like he's a bad person i'm like yeah that's the show i did the same thing and had the same reaction because i binged it and then when shows are meant to be spaced out to like that's part of the drama right and i did the same thing and i'm like all it is is like oh god i i fucking i fucked this lady again but i'm sad i'm like i don't give a shit dude, you're a gorgeous man who's rich. I get, oh, your past is rough. But, oh, I guess I fell on some pussy again this week. Like, yeah, it was hard for me to build up because it wasn't compartmentalized.

Oh, interesting. So I totally understand that. Because it was written for a time when it was on A&E. Yeah. Now picture you're a woman and have trust issues with men, and then you're dating me. Oh, interesting. it's a lot and yet you recommended Mad Men

I didn't think of it I was just like I'm thinking like Sopranos is a great show should have seen that no no skip that let's find something

that's gonna work yeah you said her Sopranos she's like I fucking hate Italians they're the worst people they're greasy and murderous

but I told her she was like oh I love Sopranos she's like clearly likes it she's still watching her, she was like, oh, I love Sopranos. She's like, clearly likes it. She's still watching it. But I'm like, Tony kills people. I know.

But he's so likable. But I'll do the same. I'll just get into it. Because when I'm off the road, I'm off the road. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Do you binge a lot of shows? Yeah.

Again, when you guys are off the road, you're here. You're never off. You're the best. Yeah. You're in town. And you're going to be getting a little splash the road you're here you're never off you're the best yeah you're in town and you're gonna be get a little splash thank you thank you top me up get a little taste okay yeah you're not like that's i was i was hanging out with sean patton and and and shane torres and i'm like because we're talking about being introverts i'm like where do you go to be alone yeah in this city and sean's like well you go to be alone in this city? And Sean's like, well, you know, like this

Prospect Park where you can like walk off into a path and I just go take a phone call. You know, I can like talk on the phone, but I'm like that's not alone. Like you're on the phone in some bushes. Like I don't know. Like I truly wears like outside of noise canceling headphones and a weighted blanket.

How do you feel? Yeah. You're like an old school comic where you're like, I feel like you romanticize being in a hotel room just away from everything i when i'm not like i'm obviously the oregon thing was pandemic but even in la i was like all day i was like you know i got into like bike riding stuff and so i fuck off into the mountains that was my thing like in the daytime was to go just ride in the mountains truly by myself to a point where you'd crash. You'd be like, ah, wish I had a friend with me. That's cracked, and I'm not making it out of this valley.

But those are my days. Really? And maybe I got a little too used to it because now i come here and i'm just like i'm the guy on the sidewalk like what are you honking at right you're not doing anything it's not affecting anything and i'm like i look like the crazy one right because somebody's just like uh it's better than feeling something i'm the opposite i'm in a quiet place, and I'm like, where the fuck's the noise? Oh, interesting. The noise is almost like common to me.

This is fascinating. But I'm also a city. I grew up here, so it's like. Oh, you grew up in a city? Yeah. Oh, okay, okay. That'll make me like, the non-fast pace, I'm in a slow city, like in the south, and I freak the fuck out.

You know? Yeah, because we're in the suburbs. I didn't realize I had mild tinnitus until we moved to oregon is that an ear thing yeah it's like well i'm like what's that noise i'm like oh it's my brain it's just when there's truly no noise like truly truly not even air conditioner something it's like this low level it's not bad for me but it's like this low level. It's not bad for me, but it's like this low level. You know when you do a hearing test and they'll do like, boop. Yeah. You know, get to this frequency where you hear it, but you're like, I barely hear it. That's all I hear.

Whoa. But it's only when it's completely quiet. I would never hear it. I would never know I had it here. I didn't know I had it in LA. Yeah. But Oregon, just laying there at night. Wow.

It's like, what's going going on but it's a different like here there's like maybe gunshots or fireworks or car horns like here we first moved up there i hear like a stick break in the yard i'm like they're fucking coming in like i got extra paranoid about stuff yeah no actually nothing's happening around right right one weird guy walking down the street what's he up to? There's a guy with a needle like in front of your building here. And I'm like, get somebody. It looks clean.

I hope you're doing it safe. I used to live next to like a drug recovery. Oh, no. I didn't know when I started renting the place. But after a certain point, I was like, man, there's a lot of drug addicts outside my apartment. Then every day, like, man, another another pack of drug addicts. And I'm like day like man another another pack of drug yeah and i'm like yep there we go they're working on it it's crazy how fast you adapt to the city you're like man there's a hobo here and a crackhead here and but then you just go oh there's jeff and there's the crackhead you like you just get it now that was like doing a joke about how

you start saying stuff with way too much nonchalance. Like, oh, that guy with the swords out in front of 7-Eleven. Maybe that should be something that's more addressed and not just accepted. Like, welcome into the fold, sword guy. Yeah, yeah, that's what this city does. I was walking with a woman, and she was walking, and I was like, don't go that way. There's a lot of rats. And she was like, what?

Oh, yeah. There's a pack of rats that always walks across the street. I know them. They all got the same jacket. I think they're in a gang. Oh, yeah. I was like, there's a pack of rats that always walks across the room. I know them. They all got the same jacket. I think they're in a gang. I was here with Rachel one time, and I forget where we were walking, and she was like hopscotching over so much vomit.

It was like a Saturday night in some party area. And she's like bopping around. She's like, I know we're not that far, but let's get a car to the hotel. I'm like, all right. So we get in the car, and she gets out of the car, puts one foot on the ground and screams. I'm barf she goes dead rat on brand new york city that like the most expected thing that could happen but with a little twist better than a live rat i think because i could run up you they run up you oh they'll scurry up your leg.

I've gotten them bouncing off my shoes a couple of times. They're cocky here. Oh, yeah? They're fearless. They'll come up on the leg? A little bit. You respect it a little bit, too, because you're like, yeah, fuck, he's got some balls. You respect it.

If you're stationary, they'll run up you. But if you're moving, you're good. If you stomp, they run away. Stay moving. Stay moving, baby. Just stay moving. They can't see if you're moving. I remember I saw a woman walking dogs once, and she kept stomping.

I was like, excuse me, miss, why are you stomping? And she goes, it scares the rats away. And I saw a bunch of rats scurry away. Whoa. Yeah. Here we go. Hold on, hold on. Real quick.

There's a guy sleeping on the subway. Uh-oh. What's that guy? He goes right up the leg. Tell me he takes his wallet. There's a new port behind his ear. Yeah takes his wallet what if that's his rat oh he woke up man he took that well oh no how do you just feel okay wow he took that really well i would have fucking screamed like a lady i like the i like that rat though yeah the rat wasn't trying. But see, I can't criticize this, even though I want to, because now I just want to start

feeding crows in my neighborhood. Well, crows are smart. Rats seem pretty smart. It got on the subway. That's true. Good point. How'd that rat know to- There's just too many of them.

We have a rat czar now. Do we? Mayor Adams has appointed a rat czar. Oh, I've heard of rat kings, but I don't think there's rat czars. It's a woman who's supposed to do away with the rat problem Really? So that's like the new What has she got a special flute? St. Patrick?

What have you got? I like that there's just multiple videos Oh yeah this is a He's eating out of his mouth God damn man That one I didn't need to see. That one is, that was baby burden. He was baby burdening that guy.

Oh, you don't do that in Portland, huh? You know what? I would like to think that somebody would do, not just film it. Yeah, right. Hey, this rat's eating out of this guy's mouth. Who's got the best phone here? Who's got 4K? Right.

I would hope. Okay, wait. You know, I hear all this, you know, West Coast is like nice but not kind, but East Coast is kind but not nice. These videos are not proving that at all. That's true. This is like, hey, take this rat, giving this guy whatever disease you get from rats. Yeah, you don't help, but you do get a TikTok.

Look at that. Oh, my God. That's a fucking aggressive rat. That's a rogue rat. He's a ballsy. That's crazy. But then, like, in my head, they know which stops to get off. I know, right?

He's like, oh, it's Broadway left. Yeah. I want to think. The express pulls up. He's like, oh, I can switch here. This is going to get off on. I know, right? It's like, oh, it's Broadway left, yeah. The Express pulls up. He's like, I can switch here. They got good trash on this street. Yeah. There's good trash.

Follow me, guys. I can't wait for the rat who's like, hey, I got chocolate bars. I got a baseball team. We need conforms. You want to see me moonwalk? Give me a buck. Like, he basically is giving him a kiss there. That is pretty rough.

Oh, yeah. Well, it sure is beautiful. All right. Didn't somebody just choke out a guy on the subway here? But rats, they're like, nah, let him go. Oh, no, New York. You got some priorities. That's CBS News.

That's CBS. Even CBS needs clickbait. It's CBS as rat climbs up sleeping subway rider. Come on, guys. I know it's ad base these days, but. That'd be funny if the rat's like, I need content, you know. Yeah. I need a clip.

And CBS is like, we do too. Listen, we're going to put you on the L train. Do your thing. We got a guy on the inside. All right. Look back. Tag me. Yeah.

Woo. All right. Hey, sorry sorry I'm drunk Shocks and Struts did I get that right? is that the one? it's on the same website we're watching rats climb up on people that's why I got more views

of course it does we just watched it nine times I haven't even watched my special once I watched it, it's killer, there you go. I haven't even watched my special once. I watched it. It's killer. One of the best comics. I loved it. Thank you, buddy.

Watch Kyle's stuff. Thanks, guys. He's a special right now. Truly a great comic. Great comic. And there's a lot of backlog. He's got some Netflix. He's got some Comedy Central.

I remember your first album. I remember the Trader Giotto bit. I mean, it's a great fucking bit. That was big. Truly a great comic. Back when you can kind of sliding slide around that kind of material but watch watch and listen all this stuff one of the best comics work and so killer and see him on the road I anything coming up oh yeah well here we

go we got a lot of things this guy yeah I'm out forever this will be out in June I think we're gonna to 11th my tour forever and then hide the rest of the dates that you don't see there. There you go. Which helium are we talking here? Because there's a lot of helium. Okay. There we go. Oh, it's a new one?

Oh, that's the St. Louis. I guess they call it St. Louis. Oh, okay. I love this trend of comedy clubs being named after the city they're 45 minutes away from. I know, right? It's just Liberty Township, but they call it Cincinnati. Oh, my God. That's like 45 minutes outside Cincinnati. I know, right? I just said Liberty Township, but they call it Cincinnati. Oh, my God. That's like 45 minutes

outside Cincinnati. I know. Everyone's tweeting me like, fuck you, this isn't Cincinnati. Yeah, Richmond Funny Bone is like, yeah, I'm like, well, yeah, sorry. It's a...

It's a mall. Western Pennsylvania. I don't know where I am right now. I kind of like Richmond, though, actually. The city, they... No, the city's great. Great city.

They got this Jewish deli called Purley's. I shit you not, it's like the best Jewish deli I've ever been to. Great deli. You think if you're going to be a Jew in the South, you've got to step it up. Good point. Listen, we're going to win you over.

You got an idea about us? We're cheap. Look at all this. Look at how tall this sandwich is. We're not cheap. Right, right. Elite, elite Jewish food. Very nice.

Don't say don't say don't say elite and Jews in the same yeah you're right you're fucked up we're backtracking on what I said

they control all the delis I'd be okay with that see Kyle on the road get go bodega cat whiskey

bodega cat whiskey dot com I think I'm gonna be in like yeah Denver Santa Fe San Antonio Houston all over I'll see you on the road samuel dot com hell yeah I'm going to be in Denver, Santa Fe, San Antonio, Houston, all over.

I'll see you on the road. SamRoyal.com. Hell, yeah. I'm still in Australia. I think the last time I saw you, you might have been in Australia. We did the Melbourne thing. Yeah, I was just there last month. Oh, yeah?

Mm-hmm. Oh, I can't wait. I'm excited going out there, hitting all the cities. So, yeah, adding shows. Check out MarkNormanComedy.com. Get Bodega Cat we got YouTube specials we got up

shit up the yin yang thanks for listening we might be drunk now we're gonna go attempt to do sets in New York City it's not gonna be good no

thank you Kyle thank you thank you boys Sunday's the day for my next offender a bit of Pivorecki

no the beer juice close. I've had a little too much bourbon. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a cop's coming. And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her.

And I get down in the same way. We might be true.