We Might Be Drunk - Ep 178: Cinco de Gringo

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

Happy Cinco de Mayo! We got margaritas special guests and who knows what could happen next?! Check out our guests on the road and all the great comedy specials from all of them! Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com/ Ian Fidance: https://www.ianfidance.com/ Jordan Jensen: https://www.jordanjensencomedy.com/ Brad Williams: https://www.bradwilliamscomedy.com/ Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Bodega Cat: http://www.bodegacatspirits.com We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/ If you want to start a podcast contact [e-mail] for a discount on services when referred by WMBD! Support the show and get 20% off your 1 st Sheath order at https://www.sheathunderwear.com with promo code DRUNK

Happy Cinco de Mayo! Woo! Ayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayay I love Ian. Thank you. I love you. I brought you guys a little gift. They're matchbooks with my special on it And my little Ghostbuster logo. I love it. Yes. Are you a ghost fan? Big fan. Me too. Big big The intro to my special is a remake of the first call they got in the movie. Oh wow Yeah, I had access to the car the firehouse everything. How'd you get that up? Yeah, can we see that? I gotta see that the one in Trebekah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I gotta see that. The one in Trebekah? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Booking ladder eight. It's a real firehouse. Yep. And, yep, here it is. Oh boy. Oh, we can't afford the premium. I know, the fucking ads. One day, we'll get there.

This beer's fucking good. What is this? Okay, we got it animated. Blue Moon, this is great. Oh, the orange. I'm an idiot. You have? Okay, thank you.

We got one! Oh, that was any pots yes but voiced by my gay butch dyke cousin Sherry nice whoa whoa the car ecto-mobile and it's got my little dumb logo on it. Oh my god, that's incredible. Oh, dude, I love that. How'd you do that? Ah, the double door. Anybody call about a joke?

Wee. Wow. Yeah, and then Jordan intros me, which is nice. And at the end, I. Ladies and gentlemen, Ian Barton! Oh, we don't need to see the bombing. But, you know, this is great. The end, I got a standing ovation and I stage dived,

so then we added later guys throwing me out of the venue into a pile of trash, and a tell pops up and goes, welcome to YouTube! Wow! It was like such a perfect icing on the cake. Fast forward. Damn. The tell was like a trash, but it was great.

Oh, here we go. You messed up my fucking outfit. Welcome to YouTube. Wow. How hard was it to not laugh during?? Oh dude, there's like a million takes of me just breaking. And he said a million different things. It was fucking great. Was it 4 in the morning?

Like how'd you get a tell out there? Oh yeah, no he did me a solid. He came out at 11pm. Whoa! Yeah yeah yeah. He set the alarm early. We got done the other shoot at like 9 and we're just like twiddling our thumbs Wait for him to appear and then everyone's favorite part was watching in parallel park

At the venue driver. Oh, it's out of car in the city. Oh, yeah, that's how he gets around. Yeah, what insane driver He used to drive me all the way uptown back in the day and I remember he'd be like, ooh getting kind of Spanish back in the day and I remember he'd be like, ooh, getting kind of Spanish. I remember though he would drive, his hands would be on the wheel. And he drives like a little kid with a big wheel. He's like doing this the whole time. Did he have the cushion seat when you drove with him?

Cause he has a cushion seat now that props him up like a little phone book. It's the best. Oh, come on. I love him. Man, Big Jay said he was in the car with him once and he opened the sunroof and he goes, that's so the Lord can hear my rhymes. Dude, he did one take where he put a mask on and pulls it down and goes, is it over yet?

Well, how's it feel? I mean, you're already over 100k, baby! Oh, thanks! Yeah, I'm very excited. He's your first one, right? Yeah. I love it, man. Yeah, thanks, man. I'm really proud of it. It was great. Two sold out shows. It was fucking insane because the venue four days out double booked. I heard, didn't James direct this?

Yes, he told you! Yeah. Yeah, an all-Korean dad band called Daddy the Cool Band, their Korean cover band. Wow. Find out four days ahead, they book that date. The venue was like, hey. He was like, look, they're a bigger draw than you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he goes, they haven't sold tickets, but trust me, people will show up. I was like, is this Field of Dreams? What the fuck are you talking about? And so the guy goes, hey, if you can convince them to move the date date then that's fine So I had to call this guy Thomas Lee who's a dentist and he barely speaks English

And I'm outside the venue like artists to artists, please we need the venue all day He's like I don't know I'll tell you can't happen people come no I was like oh no and dude James and the crew were so fucking great. They got in there at 7 a.m. How did you get how do you get the guy off? We had to fucking let them play and then say you have a hard out Fucking 6 o'clock doors open at 630 we build a set though to in there No, we we said look we the only thing you can change in the entire room is add a backline We have everything set up your people have to just deal with that. Wow.

You have to end at 5.45. You have to be out by six. So then people lined up for the venue. Oh, big time, yeah. Dictator. I Nagasaki'd, I dropped a bomb on them. And they, all these people were coming into my show and they're like, why are all these, it's Korean.

It was just old families there. I gotta say, they sold it the fuck out. There were no tickets sold a day ahead of time. It was all at the door, completely packed, and we're stressing the fuck out that everything's gonna be ruined because of Daddy the Cool Band. Can we look up Daddy the Cool Band?

Please, it reminded me of Yata. Do you remember Yata? No. Yata, Yata. It was like a Japanese, dude. I'm telling you look up yata. That was like the first guy though Yeah, nothing dude. They're not even on YouTube. Wow Facebook page with like 74 People and yet they're like people flew in from South Korea for the show what? Insane they have 74 fans and they're international? Bro, international. Daddy the Cool Band.

Alright. Damn. You can't even really find them online. Maybe we can get them on. Dude, you should. I mean if the guy can clear his dentist schedule. Yeah. Yeah, 204 followers. This is them. Is that them?

Yeah. I think that's... that's... okay, Daddy Cool Band. There they go. There's no Koreans in there Is she Korean? Is this I kind of like it? I don't think this is Korean. I Think that was like yeah, some smooth jazz. No, this is not there's a different Daddy Cool Band. There's no the Yeah, Daddy the cool, but it's like my childhood. I There's no the. Yeah, daddy. The cool band. Just like my child, I'm looking for daddy. Yeah.

Daddy cool the band, I don't know. Either way, it was a fucking nightmare. But James fucking nailed it, man. Yeah. It was awesome. We love you, James. James is great. Directed mine as well.

All right. We decorated the set with everything at the venue, which was great. I wanted it to feel like an old like 80s special with like a set design and everything. That's a great room too, the cutting room. Yeah, yeah, it's great. Daddy Cool the Band. I think that's them.

Daddy Cool the Band. Yeah, event location, the cutting room. Wow, there it is. You should get that tattoo, dude. I should get a chess piece of Daddy Cool the Cover Band. Amateur cover band formed in 2012 by five mid-age Korean American daddies with diverse professions of non-musical.

All the members had never learned nor played music professionally until they formed a band. Damn, the Asians come out. I mean, like Ali Wong and Ronnie Chang, they'll sell out Radio City 12 times. You're comparing Daddy the Cool band to Ali Wong? Wow, I'm just saying, they're Asian. The Asian folk pop in.

She's doing like 14 nights in San Francisco at a massive theater and you're like, I don't know dude, Daddy the Cool Band. Yeah, well I bet they're opening. Dude, the pit in my stomach finding out that they double booked the venue on the day I was shooting my special with Daddy Cool the Covered Man. And they were like, sorry, we can't budge.

These guys, every year they're drawn. I'm like, what the fuck? But it worked out. Were you pissed at the cutting room? I mean, was that, did that get crazy? I mean, dude, getting pissed, like I was pissed initially, but like getting pissed and like heated and everything

like would get me nowhere. So I just tried to stay cool and like assess and fix and figure out a way to make it work you know? I can't believe they're playing the cutting loom. I was waiting for how long it was gonna take. How many ethnic groups will hate us by the end of the episode? I know, I know. Have you guys seen the viral video of the kid in college who wears a full poncho, a sombrero, a fake mustache, and he's like, is this offensive?

And every white person says yes. Yeah, every white college student's like, oh my god, this is horrible, you gotta take that off right now. Are you Mexican? No, you're a piece of shit. And then he goes up to Mexicans, they're like, you look great.

Yeah, we love it. Thanks for celebrating our culture. Yeah, you look amazing. Shows the divide. He's our next guest. So we're trying to get him to come out. Yeah. So, yeah, man, no. He's our next guest. So we're trying to get him to come out. Yeah. So, yeah, man, no, there's nothing worse

than day of special stress. I mean, I had it too, where they tried to ding me with like a fee, and I was like, you guys deal with it, I'm not dealing, I can't, I wanna try one of those too, Mark. Well, dude, it worked out in our favor because when we were like, hey, I wanna shoot my special here, they were like, oh, okay, and they thought it was like,

cause we shot a live podcast there and we had to film, get the crew in an hour ahead of time, so they thought it was that. So they cut us a door deal for running the venue. And they were like, if we knew that this was like, Netflix style. Imaginary non-alcoholic cheers. There you go.

They were like, we wouldn't open the doors for less than 12K. So then at the end of the day, I ended up making money off the fucking venue. So it was all worth it, you know? Oh great. Is that a spicy Marg? That's fucking delicious.

Is that non-alcoholic? Yeah, take some. It's non-alcoholic and alcoholic. Ooh. But I'm sure you sold it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sold out both shows. There's non-alcoholic and alcoholic,

but we didn't label them, so you have to roll the dice. Yeah. Well the dice yeah yeah didn't I say if I were to relapse I know that way is that the right one yeah you took the right one this is which the labels this is like a cartoon we're dressed as three like Mexicans it's like an old looney looney tune yeah this is at some point you guys just have to humor me and we have to do the three amigos salute. What is that? Is it, huh, huh? Wait, how do you do it again? Uh, uh, uh.

Alright, let's do it. Ready? You know how to do it? Uh, uh, uh, uh. Shoulder, shoulder, waist, waist, turn, right, cough, and it's like the... Alright, ready? Are we sure this right? Oh, yeah, let's do it. Let's you want to pull it up later. Just sure do it amigos It's supposed to be what is that that a doctor moment where he goes turn your head and cough Oh, yeah, that's what they're making for checking for testicular cancer. Yeah, that movie was Tropic Thunder before Tropic

Good point a good take good point classic. I love classics 1986 Lord Michael produced it. I have it on VHS You know what I had on VHS that I wore out kindergarten cop. Do you remember them? Oh, it's not a tumor Arnold Schwarzenegger Yeah, yes boys have a penis and girls have a vagina Come on Ben Shapiro Arnold fucking rules. Oh, yes Here it is. I Might I hope we got it right. Okay. Love this movie. This was a Martin Schwartz first film and he was freaking out the whole time. Really? Yeah, because he's in with these big heavyweights. Who's funnier than Martin Schwartz?

The three amigos. Okay. Pretty good. You were off I think. Pretty good. Yeah. It was too many of these, just one motion. It's. There you go. We'll do it again at the end. All right, we'll do it when we're hammered. Dude, how good was Clifford when Martin Short played a 12 year old boy? So good, he nailed it.

Yeah. Yeah, Martin Short had reign, he was in a inner space. He had a couple big ones Jiminy Glick all-time Everyone someone you meet a comic who doesn't love comedy I know you know you're just like they're just like I don't watch any of that stuff and you know and you do this Yeah, yeah, yeah never saw the Simpsons. Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't a fan of a 90s SNL Yeah, what Eddie this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never saw The Simpsons. Didn't catch it. I wasn't a fan of 90s SNL. You're like, what?

Eddie Murphy, yeah, I missed that one. You don't know Eddie Murphy. All right, great. What were your old timers growing up? All time movies growing up? Jesus Christ, there's something about Mary. Yeah, for sure. Kingpin.

Ooh, both Fairly. Ace Ventura, Dumb and Dumber. I love the Fairly brothers so much. Same. What about Bob Clueless? Clueless is a great comedy. I think yeah, it's great Penelope Spheeris Is that who directed that? It's in Wayne's world. I believe oh we don't have our Googler here. We still holds up Wayne's world still holds up

What else Ghostbusters? Obviously, but what about Bob's like my favorite comedy of all time. So me and Ronnie Chang He invited me to the premiere of the new Ghostbusters Ronnie Chang of the daddy cool the band Yeah, and You know what the problem with the new Ghostbusters is what first of all enough we got to start remaking everything we made We made Dune. We made her a ghost buzz It's just like it's the same shit over and over It's for kids yes the old ghostbusters in 1984

He gets a blowjob from a ghost yeah, Bill Murray's trying to fuck that chick in the first ten minutes with the Yeah, and he goes I'm gonna go to miss Barrett's apartment and check her out Yeah, I'm gonna go to I'm gonna go check out her apartment. Yeah, she he goes, I'm gonna go to Miss Barrett's apartment and check her out. Yes! I'm gonna go check out her apartment. Yeah, she sleeps above her bed. Yeah, and she goes, I want you inside me. Yes! And he goes, I think there's enough people

in there already. Yeah, they're broke, he's chucking, he's hitting a flask. Like, they're piece of shit, degenerate, out of work scientists. Yes. And they live in an abandoned firehouse, it's gritty, it's New York. Dirty, it's New York.

And now it's like, through and through. The kids are upset. Oh, she's angsty. She's going to be, she wants to be a scientist, but she hates her dad and all. And you're like, ah. It got childified because they made the cartoon series. And then they made the second movie kind of with the cartoon in mind. And then this new movie takes up some of the storylines and everything from the cartoon. Okay. Yeah, but I disagree.

I think it's great. They didn't remake Ghostbusters. They added like a continuation of that world and universe. That's true, that helps. Connecting the older characters and then now they're like, create, like I love this one because they showed like the mundanity of living in an old decrepit firehouse and like all this shit

Yeah, and but I totally agree like remaking some move like didn't they remake white men can't jump. Yeah Like what is the fucking that's such a you know, but bombs in a streamer though Well, I just I just mean no one talked about it. I never heard a peep. Never heard anyone say you gotta see it. I watched this last night. Not once. Yeah. Yeah. And I know people who are in it and I didn't hear about it.

Oh that's right. That's like coming to America too. Yeah. Ooh, 26. Oh wow. Aye, aye, aye. Well I'm sure they made it like racially coming together and the old one had some some stank on it

Yeah, Wesley Snipes is good good as hell in that movie. So is Woody. Rosie. I mean, it's that's a great movie Oh, Rosie. And the pieces of shit in the movie. That's the thing. You can't make you can't make Unlikable characters anymore. Yes, dude, unlikable characters are the fucking best Yeah, when people are just pieces of shit and they don't have something ascribed to them, they're just a fucking asshole. That's it. They're not an ace, they're not an ism or a fucking ist of anything.

They're just a fucking good old-fashioned asshole. Yes. Here, here. That's what's interesting. We're all assholes, so... Yes. Let's not make the main guy... Hey!

What the? Ay caramba. Ay ii ii i Do you want to put the coat on? We got a Mexican jumping be Yeah Right here, there's there's a other ponchos and stuff for you to wear if you want to put it on no, I'm too hot Yeah Oh, that's not go crazy. Give me a punch. Oh, I'll wear punch. Yeah, put on a picture alcoholic mug Yeah, if we're all going to over cultural appropriation you're coming with it. Yeah, we're dragging you down Mm-hmm. Yeah, I knew that you guys had black on in here. I wanted to match. I knew that you were this

Oh, yeah, feel it in my heart. Yes, it's where we're gonna go to the subway later and try to mariachi it up. Oh yeah. Really? Do you have a little guitar? Oh yeah. Those are the only people that come on the train that don't annoy me.

Oh, with the little accordions? I mean, cause the dancing and everything. So nice and happy, the dancing, you gotta change where you're sitting and everything. These guys, they're such tiny Mexicans, you don't have to move. They're all dressed up, they try. Yeah, they try. Yeah, they're such tiny Mexicans, you don't have to move. And they're all dressed up, they try.

Yeah, they try. Yeah, they put in an effort. And they're smiling, they're fun. Yes, exactly. And they have a little guitar or a normal size guitar for bread. I think they're always a little drunk too, which makes them really good. Oh, a little. Yeah.

Why not? Yeah, they're hitting their tequila. Man, I used to have Mexicans outside my house called sleepy guys, I would call them. And they were just sleeping all day, and they wouldn't work, they would just wake up, drink, and sleep. Mexicans that don't work. I think you just watched Looney Tunes

and just saw Sleepy Gonzalez, and you're like, this is a person. One time one of them tipped over, did not put his hands out at all, tipped over, his head hit hard like a bowling ball,, I was kicking him being like hola hola, and his friend was going he's drunk I think he might be dead Diaz de muertos yes, I'm taking my Mexican approach of creation a little too far. I brought a knife. Oh my god A little too far. I brought a knife. Oh my god. Was that too much?

Jump over a little wall later. What this know that your suit it like you were born in it. Yeah, I feel good I want to be like a what's the guys that do the Toro Toro no bullfighter bullfighter. Yes Do you remember the bullfighter Madonna music video black and white? And when your mom was in the shower you jerked off to it white Are you guys drinking alcohol? Yes? We are you're gonna drink alcohol and you're just gonna go out in the 80 degrees and just be weird guys Yeah, we're Mexican and they're gonna take a siesta probably yeah Just getting day drunk and going outside and being like oh it's the fucking best I used to get drunk at the park across the street and play dominoes with all the Puerto Ricans in my neighborhood

Naps those are so good where the sleep is so good, but you wake up and so that's why you got The knife you know you don't know what those shifty guys are gonna pull in that domino game You're gonna get that knife used against you. This is the bullfighter. Yeah, man. She was she was uh she was such a fucking babe Michigan isn't that weird yeah, and what's her last name like? She just seems like she came out of a cocoon from a spaceship that just landed here and she's from fucking Dearborn I mean they all stole her shit. This is like Taylor Swift and Britney Spears and all the Aguilers and the Nicki Minaj Minouj

I wish she would just age naturally though Yeah, she looks like Her face looks like a balloon God, she was so pretty too and she fucked everybody Did she? Oh yeah, she was like a prodigious whore Two packs of the Madonna Who's she a prodigious whore?

Does she just live life to the fullest man? No, in like the best way I mean I remember when A-Rod was getting trolled in Boston or does she just live life to the fullest, man? No, in like the best way. Yeah. You know? I mean, I remember when A-Rod was getting trolled in Boston, because he fucked Madonna, and all of them had like Madonna masks. Oh!

That's the best. That would make me hit harder. Yeah. That's a comment. Pull the photo of her taking this hiking. These are boyfriends or just guys she fucked? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Little of both.

Oh my God. This is quite a list. Michael Jackson. I mean, Dennis Rodman and Vanilla Ice, it doesn't get much Michael Jackson Dennis Rodman and Vanilla Ice it doesn't get much different than Baby's list after this Wait a minute Daniel Simon sir pussy surely is the UN. Look at those names. Her pussy's like LaGuardia Airport. Jeff Asmus. It's crazy. Henry Kissinger. Dan Natterman. Madonna, I'm gonna lick your pussy.

With his wet lips. I mean I would still do it now just for the story. You gotta, out of respect. You gotta do it. But I wonder if she's yeah got the herp Madonna approaches you at a bar And you say no, I mean she would just surgically cut it off You know she just saw it off and get a new vagina. Yeah Oh babies yeah share share was a dime What do you guys do if a celebrity reaches out to fuck you? Uh-huh, and you're like, but I'm in a relationship, but you have to do it for the story But you're dating but you're with somebody well depends on the celebrity depends on the relationship

Right I say look I can't I'm in a relationship. Oh my god. You got that never mind Oh my god, I'm late the name dude that guy really took a liking to Daniel Simonson when he moved We'll tell you later. Yeah, he's a comic that loves a young boy Tim Dillon Yeah, yeah, we'll talk later, but yeah, who's a celeb who reached out it to? It wasn't me. Stephen Hawking? Who? Was it Brad Williams? Hey! Como esta mi amigo? The plane, the plane.

Is there booze in those? What's up dude? Yeah. One's alcohol free, one's not. I'll blow it up. We gotta get a microphone here. Yeah, make me an alcohol free one. Why did you guys give me the tiniest sombrero?

Why was it out there? I think that was for Sam's dog. It's a stock. It's a normal-sized one. That should happen by chance. I have a huge fucking head. It's part of the dwarfism. Good point. This is adorable. Again, too much switch seats.

This is blocking your chest, and now you just look like a head. I mean, now you know what it's like to be an audience member at my shows. It's just a floating head telling you jokes the whole time. This is great. You get a new special out. I do. It's on, I think I plugged it last time I was here,

but it was on a, it was on a, behind a paywall. Now it's free. Hey. It's for the people. It's called Starfish it's on YouTube in a week it got over half a million views whoa doing it man freaking doing it they things are happening and in door views that's like seven times yeah that's a whole lot yeah like you guys are dressed

as the amigos I feel like I need to start quoting the movie It's got it's got one of my favorite jokes in it Well, that I that I did not realize was a joke until I watched it again as an adult Okay, completely missed it as a kid. I know it by heart. So lay it on. Yeah, it's when the woman looks at Chevy Chasing goes You can kiss me on the veranda if you'd like and he responds lips will be fine. Yeah So good get that joke. Yeah, and then I became an adult like that's an eating pussy joke Pussy joke yes like a view a She's cultured I thought a veranda was like a um balcony. Yeah sounds like a character on

I'm buffering last time we saw Brad he did our podcast and at the end of the podcast Can I say this? Podcast we do a whole thing where and you know obviously dwarf jokes are flying. I have a small dog We're saying she looks huge with him. Yes, and he goes. Let's take a picture together Brad can I put you up on my counter? were saying she looks huge with him. And then at the end, Ian goes, let's take a picture together. Brad, can I put you up on my countertop? And Brad goes, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I apologize profusely because I was like, well, let's all be on the same level. I didn't do it to be like, look, I got a new trinket. Even the apology sounds offensive. I know, I know, I know. I just wanted you to be up on our level, not down there. Low-stay-et-o, forth-a-more. But as soon as Brad left, I was like, Apology sounds Be up on our level

I was like Ian walk yourself through what that would have been like you really were ready to lift him Yes, he wanted to put me on a counter like hey, this is what this is what we bought On the roadside in San Diego. I got a new Vitamix Look at this new slap chop I got a new Vitamix No, Megu stuff Los Cienzo me amigo all good my friend all which all good I can't be mad at you and your dress like thank you Normally it's very Belt buckle the shorts. Oh, yeah, I can't beat it Fuck the belt buckle the shorts. Oh, yeah, I can't beat it Joke from three amigos is he's eating he's like trying to fuck with the tortilla and he goes everything besides Mexican food

There's a deep deep cut jokes. Oh, yeah, there's a cartoon of me on the wall over there Oh, yeah, we're both on there when we were for Halloween. We really went generous with the body Yeah, you in there. Oh, you're in the back I'm up top. I was gonna say you really went generous with the cod pieces on you guys. Oh that too Hey, we didn't draw it We did model for it. So someone had a very high opinion of all of you. Oh, yeah, that's great and it was our stalker Like I have blackface on my legs. What oh Yeah, yeah, you have Serena Williams things going on. Oh yeah builders give themselves blackface. I was just looking at it What yeah, they don't call it that Jordan. It looks like blackface. It's tanner Yeah, but it's because it makes the striations come out more in the vein

I've been told that there's a sexual tension between you two is there yes? Oh, you know a little bit Yeah, little brother. Yeah sexual tension between you two. Is there? Yes. Oh. Do you not think so, a little bit? No, just a little bit. Yeah. More little brother, brother and sister. Yeah. That's what it is. I watch a lot of porn, I mix it up all the time.

Oh yeah, that's right. I'm into that civil war. Yeah. How are you? Oh, I had sex with my stepbrother. Whoa! I think I saw this bit. Pull it up!

Whoa! Check out her OnlyFans. Look at that. We have a clip. See, that's not blackface, that's just like over the top tanner. But like, wait, wait, wait. That's so crazy. Let's We have a clip. That's a blackface. That's just like over-the-top tanner. Wait, wait, wait. Let's stop for a second. You had sex with your stepbrother. Yes. How did that happen? This is an old hat.

No, but not for this podcast. Yeah, I gotta know this story. I had sex with him because he was really hot, like skater guy, and I was fat mall goth. And then I went to college and I got more attractive and then I came home for Christmas. I told my mom, I was like, I'm gonna fuck Tyler. And she was like, no you're not, that's fucked up. And I was like, I'm gonna do it. And then my other mom, his mom was like,

do you guys mind sharing a room because Barbara's gonna come do Christmas with, and my mom was like, no! And we were like, we don't mind. I mean, they practically told you to. We high-fived after. How long you knew he wanted, you felt the vibe from him. Yeah.

Well, he'd been grooming her since birth. No, no, no, no, no. So, what was the age difference at the time? Eh, we don't need to get into that. Woo! Right. What was the age difference? I'm 32, he's probably eight, seven, seven years.

So I was 20. when you said he was eight That's what I got hard No, it was how to sell I do it again right now Wow Well done moved into our house, and I was like here's a high list I've ever seen that's like the plot of a Brady Bunch episode Yeah, yeah, that's true. Oh, yeah Paul Rudd That's like the plot of a Brady Bunch episode. Clueless. Yeah. Oh yeah, Paul Rudd. Yeah, but also Clueless was fucked up because Paul Rudd was in graduate school and Alicia

Silverstone was in high school. She just got her license. That's every movie though. Every movie was like 21 Jump Street. It's got a dashing of statutory in there. Dude, in one floor was cuckoo's statutory. You remember that? We talked about that recently, how in the first scene,

Nicholson's like, she was 15. Yeah, he goes, but when that red snapper's barking at you, you can't say no, doc. And he goes, I understand. How do you have a bad Jack Nicholson impression? What? That was great. How dare you?

Here, I'll do it again. OK. Do this one. how do you get the red snapper everyone has a good jack Nicholson halfway I can't how'd you get these scars no wait that's a different joke prospector They hold him handsomely actually. Wait, wait, hold on, what's he say? He goes, uh, uh, he goes, You can't handle the truth! That's better?

That sounds like Gilbert Godfrey doing Jack Nicholson. That was good, can you guys give me a little hand for that one? Alright. I know, hey. I got a question for Jordan, so was there any guilt, like not guilt, but like, you were like, what the fuck did we just do?

Did you think? No, I was prepared to get married though. To that guy? I mean, I was like, yeah, let's do this. Wow. But you know, everybody I've dated since that day. That would be an odd procession line. Really?

Yeah, because they come meet my family and I'm like, and they're like, you know, he's like my step brother. Is he still good looking? Yeah. Can we pull him up? I mean, he's not good looking. Yes, he is. Dude, he looks like the skater from Cluel looking? Yeah. Can we pull him up? I mean, I didn't do it. He's not good looking. Yes, he is. He looks like the skater from Clueless.

Yeah, a million pounds. Oh, he's cute. I think I heard Jordan do a bit about this where he brought a date to see you. Yeah, he brought his date and he was like, just don't talk about it. Don't talk about the thing because she's here. And I have that.

Don't talk about the deep dicking. Yeah, and I have that problem where you tell me that to do something and talk about it. Don't talk about the thing because she's here and I talk about the deep dickin Yeah, and I was like and I and I have that problem where you tell me that yeah, that's why we can't do live streams Because the second we go live. Yeah, it would be Okay, great. Oh my... Yes! Feliz cumpleaños a ti! Feliz cumpleaños a ti! This is amazing! Wow, he's stepping the camera guy. You can't see it.

We're just cheering at nothing. That one with the guitar's got a big hog. Wow, yeah. Let me see. Hello, boys. Hola. Let's see. Hello boys, hola. Let's see what we got. Happy Cinco de Mayo. Yeah.

This is awesome. Can you guys play anything? Feliz Navidad? Play Vertical Horizon. Yeah. Can you play Three Doors Down? Can you do Bird and a wire by Leonard Cone? I'm a cockroach I'm a heave-a-heave-a-hat You don't want to be a cockroach

You're a fucking marihuana Marihuana, I'm a cockroach I'm a heave-a-heave-a-hat You don't want to be a cockroach You're a fucking marihuana I'm a cockroach Amazing! A tell is calling me! Take it! Take it! David Tell's on the phone.

Yeah, you're on We Might Be Drunk. There's a mariachi band. Wow! Yeah! Hey guys, enjoy yourselves. Alright. Yeah, yeah, you can see it. See ya!

Oh no, that's a secret. Bye! Hahaha! Oh, good, good. Oh, nice! Oh nice. Can I do this? Yeah. Huh?

Oh! Hey! If that's not a gift, I don't know what is. There you go. That's seven years bad luck. Da da da da da da. Alright.

Alright, I'm having subway flash but I'm having a good time. That's seven years bad luck. Hahaha. Da da da da da da. Alright. Alright, I'm having subway flashbacks. Hahaha. Why doesn't he want it? Why does he need it? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one.

That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one.

That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one.

That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. I haven't seen you that happy since the stepbrother. It was satisfying. You've been wanting to do it for years. The cockroach. It's my wrestling name Yo, Keanu Kool-Aid Open the borders

Hotel Hotel Here's parents for us wearing these yeah Be sure to split that up Okay Okay, that was a big give it back, okay? Hey folks we might be drunk as brought to you by sheath Underwear stop sweaty balls before they start with sheath underwear We're big fans of sheet their underwear keeps our balls from sticking to our thighs and our dicks from sticking to our balls it's a big win all around down there the secret to sheath is two pouches one for the balls one for the dong nothing now

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sheathes underwear 100% money-back guarantee that sheathunderwear.com promo code drunk get sheath underwear support the show support your balls thank you thank you for working for less All right. I don't know Ian. Ian paid him a hundred. I know that was a mistake. We paid him. El Raterno de Nio. I was hoping that third bottle. Hey Patreon.com slash be Ian bodd. I was hoping that third bottle the Jordan had Ian was a real one That was fucking amazing. I mean, that's a gift right there. Oh, yeah, we had we had dwarves getting smashed We had you guys Original plan was to do it earlier and pretend that Mark and I got into a real fight.

Just freak Ian the fuck out. Jesus Christ. And then Mark attacked me with it. Good God. I would spring to action and choke Norman out. And I would come. Yeah, that was fun. You just start eating up Brad, you're like, I got this.

You guys, you're still doing the pod together. Yes, of course. I wanna come on soon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. You were supposed to come on a while ago. I know, I got this. You guys, you're still doing the pod together. Yes, of course. I wanna come on soon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. You were supposed to come on a while ago. I know, I wanna come. It's a really fun podcast to go on. You have to travel to a really shady area.

Yeah. I like that. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. So you can get a podcast and some fentanyl. Yeah, it's amazing. Yeah, it's a nice little bonus. Yeah, we had Brad Simpson on. He was 45 minutes late. Brian're on who did I say? Simpson we've been drinking throw out another

And he got hammered then he's like I gotta go do being Ian and he just did it the next day He couldn't make it. Yeah Fucked up on us. Oh Man, oh and then he got super high on on ours. He's got a problem. Yeah, yeah, it was great. It was fun Yeah, you got to come do it Sam. I'm coming. I'm so glad you had me on the single to male episode and not the st. Patrick's day Feel I feel like we're making progress And I'm glad you guys didn't have me on during pride month I gotta say I went to Mexico and I watched the dwarf wrestling. Oh you did?

Unreal. I just call it wrestling. Yeah it was fun. You know shady guys with money in their hands like I get him choke him and these poor guys. So that's real down there? It's adorable they can barely get up in the ring so a guy's like put There there's a clip you got you got to find this of a Dwarf luchador getting drop kicked off the side of a wrestling ring. Oh here. We go he flies like oh Please the very top one. It's great hit this okay, so they got that's a little guy. Yeah, no no so they got the normies So much normal pussy Punching a corgi or yeah, I and he's dressed up like a little animal.

When I saw that clip, I'm like, there are so many things in this world that can kill me. I know, I know. Good God. If there's like a pissed off raven, I'm fucked. Or a mousetrap. Oh, that would slice me in half. Do you ever worry about like an owl coming down and swooping you ass? All the time.

What if you go down the drain? Oh my God, there was a dog on the subway on the way over here I'm just I'm just eyeballing them like you motherfucker. I need one of these bottles to smash over the dog. Yeah, I gotta protect myself at all times That was awesome. Big enough toilet. Yeah, and that's what I'm also I watch a clip like that. I go thank Christ I'm also, I watch a clip like that, I go, thank Christ I'm funny. Because if not, I'd have to do that for a living. Yeah, true. Yeah. You could go porn.

Or porn, or walk around a Mexican restaurant on Cinco de Mayo serving nachos out of my hat. Which would also be adorable. Maybe circus, is that still running? The circus was a good fallback for like weirdos. I did the circus for a while. Really? What?

Yeah. I didn't know that. When? I was the first comedian to while really I yeah, I was I was the first comedian to do stand-up in Cirque du Soleil. Oh Yeah, which is French circus? Yeah, the gay one man was it gay Yeah, you did it as a stand-up. Yeah, like an attraction. Yeah, I was doing jokes. I was right right out of a cannon going Although that's gonna be my new closer. It was the show Mad Apple in Las Vegas. I was there for three months.

Three months in Vegas? Yeah. That's rough. It was a lot of Vegas. That's what Harrison and Chris Turner do. Yes. We all did that first opening run together. It was great. Living in Vegas is insane. Yeah, we all we all did that first opening run together, and it was great. It was a lot of fun. Yeah

We're all like I and I get that there's a decent life off the strip But I've seen too much of the strip which is probably like saying like fuck New York. I don't like Times Square Yeah, but it's more of Times Square. Yes, but like yeah, so I I got a place in Henderson which was about 20 minutes off the strip. Yeah, which was I was great. That was great Mmm, and yeah, I got to be there and then you got free physical therapy, which was awesome. Nice I got it cuz cuz they have acrobats in the show They're like I had to go on after two guys that juggle each other with their feet It was like them and then and and now something even more weird,

a dwarf telling jokes. But it was a blast, man. It was so much fun. That's how I feel when I have to follow Marcelo at the. Oh, he kills. He kills and he dances and he's doing all these little things and I'm like, this is like a dwarf juggling with their feet.

It's a whole show. The craziest part, and here's how much people like fear public speaking and our jobs Because at one point the light the light board went out they had to they had to reset it which takes about 12 minutes So they're they were just gonna have an empty stage for 12 minutes. I'm like give me a fucking microphone. Oh good for you You're so brave I wouldn't have done that He's a pro. Yeah, you would have. You think? You fucking. I only do 10 minutes a night from the show. Wait you said you said that you stole it from the person who was supposed to do it Wait you said what went out? The sound? The light board. Oh

Yeah, so I had a microphone. Oh, I thought you were just yelling. No, no, no. So I got a guy who bangs trans women is like, oh Oh, that's dangerous for me yelling. No, no, no. I've got a guy who bangs trans women, is like, oh! Well, that's dangerous. Well, too dangerous for me. Knee deep in an alley. Went out, did stand up, covered the whole, while they were resetting the light board. And then when I get back,

there's a Russian hand balancer in the show. I got excited for a second. He goes to the top of a makeshift Empire State building balances on one hand switches It's absolutely incredible and he walks up to me when I come off stage and goes I have no idea how you do what you do Why do you escape the war? Doesn't work, okay, I have another joke if you fuck up you die Yeah, I was like learn the language No, I got that when I did America's Got Talent because there were people like I can't believe you're telling jokes

I'm like you're doing you're swallowing swords Yeah, like if you hiccup it's over I can go on drunk a firefighter said that to me the firefighter store right by serious I go there every time I love firefighting and was like, I can't believe you do that, that's so scary, I can't believe it. I was like, man, you were in 9-11. And he was like, well, you know. What? This is crazy.

He's like, yeah, well, that's our job. I didn't even know you did America's Got Talent. Yeah, like 2015 or something. Yeah. How far did you get? I won the first, I got like a fucking standing O the first round. Hell yeah.

15,000 people in the Pasadena. And they were like, we don't know if you made it. I'm like, well, all the judges just said I made it. And they're like, well, that's not how it works. I'm like, we should tell the audience that. Cause they're in the meeting. Cause they're about to boo. Oh, there you are, tape face.

Thanks for dressing up. Look at how creepy you look. Man, wow. Wow. I did up. Look at how creepy you look. Man, I, wow. I did well, but then I did another one, I made round two. Jesus, you look like one of the Israeli hostages. Would they take you from a music festival? Wait, go back to that other photo,

go back to that top left. That's the same face he makes when he walks by a playground. Except I'm licking my lips playground. Yeah, he is. Except I'm licking my lips too. That's great. But, you know. Delicious. No, I remember, I made it to the next round

and it was like, you know, they're trying to get you to shit talk, the contestants. Right. I hate that. So I wouldn't do that. But then, they had me going, I get there like, the hotel they put me in had construction so I got like no sleep.

They have, your call time's like 9 a.m. I went on stage at midnight. Oh! Jesus! And the judges were like, it was like George Lopez. He was like the guest judge. And... Happy Cinco de Mayo.

Yeah. Well, here's the thing, I was like, I'm a comic. There's a golden buzzer, I bet he's gonna give it to me because I'm a comic. That's like your positivity, you're trying to stay positive. A Latino dance group goes out immediately, he's like, the one golden buzzer! I'm like, fuck you, Lopez! God, that's funny, you're trying to stay positive. A Latino dance group goes out immediately, he's like, the one golden buzzer. I'm like, fuck you Lopez.

That's funny, you got George's support for the comedian. Well, they just did our podcast, so you won. They won short. So then I go on, I went on after, first I went on after these two Jewish rappers, so I thought we were actually fucking good, and Simon's like, you're dreadful, you're the worst people I've ever seen, I hope your kids get cancer. It was like all that

They shouldn't talk to the- And I also don't like your rapping Yeah How dare they talk to the Sklar brothers like that But I did in the first round I did so well that even Simon was like I did not expect you to be funny But you were you were like, you know, I played the safest hits I hate it when you say that and then and then

The next round when I went on at midnight, I went off after some Destiny's Child type triplet band and Simon's like, you're the worst, you're awful, blah, blah, blah, and I'm like, oh, it's midnight, this is gonna be rough. I go, I do fine, I do pretty well. I'm getting laughs the whole time. And Simon's like, you were better the first time,

and I said, well, it is midnight. It's midnight and they've been here for 12 hours. Right. Yannis is a little tired. Yeah and he was like, yeah and then, but then I saw Howie Mandel in Montreal and he was like, I'm sorry, I'm like, that's, those fans don't stick around, I don't think.

That's true, yeah, you get a pop out of the gate, like Drew Lynch was huge for a while. I think he's still doing well. I think he's doing all right, but it does feel like Taylor Williamson is another one who was huge. Oh, yeah. I thought it just was rigged. Like Usama did it in Crushed,

but he used the word tramp. What? Tramp is out? Tramp was out. You can't say tramp? The problem is, the word he did use was like horror slut. No, it was something worse. That's a lot of fun.

I thought it was Al-Awakbor. No. Usama. No. And then they cut off the broadcast. It's really weird how that happened. Yeah, but he called Heidi Klum a tramp. That's a lot thought it was a la walk for Then they cut off the broadcast Heidi clume a tramp like What about that guy that wears a kimono that just started insulting all the judges No the what's that guy he's like an LA guy

Hooper oh He went on and just started insulting all the judges yeah, and like roasting them and no one liked it really immediately Everyone's I wish it was live on you're like you have AIDS Yeah Good why did a last comic standing and I bombed I did well the first time and I bombed the second one because I went You have AIDS. You're a dumb bitch. You're like, what the hell is he doing? Yeah. I had a good one. I did a last comic standing and I bombed. I did well the first time and I bombed the second one because I went too dark. And uh.

Did black jokes, huh? Yeah, yeah. I went Kramer and what's his face? Keenan Ivey Wayans goes, yeah, you killed the first one. I don't know what happened here. And I said, well, Damon. And he was like, hey, hey, it's Keenan.

I was like, I know, I'm joking. I did the same thing to him. He didn't fucking, when I did last comic, God, we he was like, hey, hey, it's Kenan. I was like, I know, I'm joking. I did the same thing to him. He didn't fucking, when I did last comic, God, we did some bad shit. Oh, I did last comic too, and I did not make it. I didn't make it either. I got kicked off by Angela and Oscar from The Office. Dang. Wow.

Whoa. I walked on stage and then- And Stanley slapped her ass on the way down. I mean, Stanley, he can get it. Why did they like you? They didn't like- I don't know, they just didn't like my stuff. And then this is the thing where you watch

enough reality shows and you talk to other comics that have done it. After they told me like, well, we're probably not gonna make it, but do you do any impressions? I was like, fuck no. Cause that's where I would have shined. Do I do any impressions? You like my Obama?

It's ironic that Tyler Fisher would be like the most industry darling, but he's like fuck. That's true. You know what I mean? If he was doing impressions of people that weren't just trans women, he would throw up. Yeah. But I didn't do it because you know that if it was bad,

then they just cut to a montage of, and then some people tried impressions to a montage of and then some People tried impressions and they sucked and then no context just show me trying to do Trump out of nowhere. Here's my Obama. Oh Can I tell you I was in Austin and I gave this guy a guest spot on one of my shows and he did a joke that was like this is my impersonation of a Jewish retard

Hey, it's a me. I'm a dad Is dark and the punchline is clean. Oh yeah. He's just Sebastian Manske. Well, Veeder had a great line. He did a 18 AGT I think. He went to the final to the top five. Yeah. Well, I remember that. Heidi Klum hated him. She was like, I don't get it.

And she's like, I just think you're a little too slow. I don't know what you're doing up there. I don't understand it. And he goes, well I'm funnier than you. And that killed, but she didn't get that either. Well that's the thing, I usually bring Gary on stage, I do the mic backstage, I say he was top five in America's Got Talent, he lost to a kid with a stutter, it's not his fault, which is true,

but always gets a little pop-up top for him. Sure, then it's like when Heidi Klum doesn't get it, you're like, yeah, German supermodels are not exactly Yeah, you don't really want her to be like you're my favorite comment. You know be retarded Mel B. Love me yeah, I want you was like you're very cute. No. Yes, so yeah, you know oh Who's Mel B scary spice scary? Oh? Look good I had such a crush on her. Who's Mel B scary spice Gary? Oh, she looked good Hilarious that's the black one is scary

Well, they didn't want to call her later, baby. They didn't want to call her lady spice. Yeah, no dad spice Loud on the six train spice Nice local black reference there he's a hot lady good god she's hot she much not scary at all she was such a babe and then they just did like a reunion at one of their birthday parties David Beckham got it like they like they were all singing together again whoa baby spices scariest from the charges Oh, yeah, isn't that weird? She was like sexualized and she was baby. She was the little baby

were great Such a time great time. Oh, it's sporty, baby Ginger posh. I mean look at that. We got the Spice Girls are back. The Knicks are good that the Rangers are good Yeah, oh, jays Man dude Look at that. We got the Spice Girls are back. The Knicks are good. The Rangers are good. Yeah Ghostbusters blink yeah Some 41s back to oh yeah Seinfeld's got a movie 316 Bill Clinton's raping again Cosby's not blind anymore

Harvey's out of jail. I know Oh and by the way mark told me that I'm going with you to the to the next game You said you're giving me one of the tickets. Oh am I I don't have Oh fuck You're welcome to come over. I gotta go see Alan. Are you really? Therapist?

Yeah, I gotta do it. Only if you show up like this. Okay. Please ride the train like that. Walk in like that going I had a week. Jordan, real quick, do you wanna plug anything? Yeah, plug some stuff. I think we're doing some dates together soon,

but I don't know what they are yet. What are we doing? You didn't hear? No. Yeah, we'll go. Really? Oh, but I don't know what they are yet. You didn't hear no For Tyler us hot skater guy wait wait and say it. What are you doing? I think you're doing some gigs with like me Chrissy D and nemesh fun. That's great Okay, Los Angeles, you go to my oh, that's why we're Crow which is in love love that Great club doing Houston, New York Poughkeepsie, Des Moines, Manchester, Dallas punch up dot punch up

Oh, you do the punch up do the punch up punch up dot live slash Jordan Jensen Watch watch death chunk on YouTube that chunk Yes Mm-hmm. Yes. All right. Come back soon. Bye. I just know how that therapy goes. Hey, see you tomorrow. Yes. Yeah, I don't wanna be next to Mark. What the fuck? Okay, good, thank you. I'm just gonna be apart a few times, sorry.

I gassed you out. All right, finally, no, just the boys. Just the fellas. Well, it was before too. Just like Ian likes it. Yes. Hop on over here, Brad. Ian, question.

Have you ever been with not even just a male little person but male, female? Like what? Do you have an history there? No, I never have. Any desire? I would. I don't discriminate. Fantastic. Is that a question or an invitation? Why? Do you think I have Nick's tickets?

I have them but you gotta find them. Dude, I just saw this interview. There is a dwarf woman on OnlyFans. She's on a podcast called Pillow Talk. She's a dwarf and she also has two vaginas. What? Pull her up. God gives and God takes away.

Where's the other one? I don't know. I mean mean I imagine it's right next to The other one damn yeah, what the fuck is with the service? That's her. Oh, that was not a war No look at it's like the world's worst game show Look at pillow talk right again podcast pillow talk dwarf Yeah, and then you'll you'll hopefully see her what okay? Kazumi sleeps with a dwarf Oh Kazumi's hot she slept with a dwarf who's Kazumi. Oh, she's a hot agent porn star Oh really Kazumi I like that name. Yeah, okay, Pete pillow talk go to images. What are you doing?

Yeah, you can't see it from headlines images. What are you doing? Yeah? Headlines there you go. We see it no no Little people Angela white was this just a dream of yours breath. That's her Is that her that gotta be that? Whoa, who's Kaylee gunner easy? Hornet I got your morning. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, oh gunner easy Or if you go to the pillow talk Instagram it go to the pillow talk Instagram it'll be there Yeah, yeah podcast sucks that whatever podcast you ever hear that oh it bring the women on yeah I just like shame, and they're like so mean to these what is it? What do they do there?

She is dumb women what they shame them for being on only fans and shit But it's like these super smug guys that talk about like high value men and like all this stuff It's so they get religious to the yeah acting like God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna go on there and debate them Dude are you seeing someone now or no? Oh, yeah, she's all right. Oh There's no star with two vaginas. I wish she had two different faces. Ha ha ha ha ha! What's her name?

We'll shout her out. Oh my God! Look at those bazongas! Can we see the clams? Yeah, really. Megan O'Brien. Oh. Hey, she's in New York.

Whoa! Is she? Hey! Make it happen, buddy. Yeah, she's in New York. Whoa! Is she? Hey. Make it happen, buddy. Yeah, Brad, use your powers. I've seen her at the meetings. What are you in town for? I'm in town just because I got a few days off

and doing an East Coast run of the tour and I didn't want to fly home for like a day and then come back, so I thought I'll be here, I'll do a couple podcasts, some spots. Hell yeah. Go to a Knicks game with my friend Sam. He's gonna get the tickets. It's awesome I'm thrilled man. Well, you only come for half a ticket. So I can maybe bring her for the other one We get three people

Do you think those boobs are real? I don't think midgets are real That's a figment. No, she doesn't have two vaginas no way what she's that's the two vaginas twins Brad you misheard don't go home that's yeah quite a thigh on these little ones we all we have they all have yeah we got pretty beefy thighs very large butts were it looks like you guys

are putting a hydraulic press Yeah, I do hey so mark I mean you're a married man, but would you oh sure and a heartbeat oh yeah? Yeah, and I would do that in a minute tighter pussies in my experience. It's the same come on Yeah, cuz you probably got a hole. I mean it just looks bigger on me Yes, what are we doing click the only fans joy? Do you want my password? I will Yeah, I like to support The tone really changed there. I try to support small businesses.

These gals. That is a small business. That's what she named the second vagina. Small business. It's my side project. Wait, you can see these girls leaked? Oh, leaked baby! Oh god, why am I paying for them?

Oh, she's banging a blank eye, never mind. Oh, wow, she really is. Is he a normal? Yeah, I think he's a normie. Oh, that means the general is the same. Jesus Christ. This is gonna be a virus. New Porn vid 18.

What the hell are you doing? Garrett or Mark, or whatever your producer is. virus new porn vid 18 What the hell are you doing? Garrett or mark or whatever I just like whether or spatial react. I just saw a black ball bag. It was too much. I wasn't ready I was waiting for two but that should be a patreon is just mark reacting to porn. He doesn't like straight sex Minorities! By the way, Peters is just giving himself more work to do with all these porn things. You're just gonna have to edit so much of this shit out.

Yeah. Wow, I didn't see a double vagina, but we'll figure that out later. I could've sworn I saw a clip. I could've been mistaken, but hey, I brought more porn to the podcast. Are you sure you weren't drunk and just had double vision? I might've done that. You may have done that. It's been a long tour. Hey, um... You've been going hard when you edit the

pot can you add in laughs for my double vision joke appreciate it since you're gonna be doing a bunch of that would actually be a great thing we if we fix some of these bombs in post we just get like huge like big Bang Theory laughs Just do those laughs on the joke the bomb yeah, that's how you know, that's how you know you still bombed yeah Yeah, I love those like old say by the bell like it was just so fucking unfunny. Oh, yeah, and just get out of here Throw it in what about the kiss where they go? I love that! Are you serious? When I was a kid! What about the kiss where they go whooooo? Do you have that one? Oh no, that's all the laugh tracks though.

What? Are you drinking? Are you getting a double vision? You know it's when I was watching It's almost worse than science And then I said, hey lady, that's my ass Small world

Here's the first comic ever to bomb with a laugh track Peter Griffin laughing or crying or something. What do you mean? It's just a bad boss He tells a joke I take the broken glass So I was watching Family Feud over the weekend on the road. And you wonder, it's a full house, it's like a 300 seat audience. Who is going to that? Tourists. Is that what it is?

I would. Dude, I went to BattleBots and it was packed. Yeah, but you like BattleBots. People like Family Feud. I like Family Feud, but I would never go live Steve Harvey Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what fucks going. He's yeah. I love family. I'm so good at family feud dude. I'm so good at uh Nothing not remembering shit Like a practice family fuse or where we could do no I'm legit good at betting

Battlebots and picking the winner Battle by yeah, and dude. I know I won I won 40 bucks on battle bots, and then I lost 20 bucks doing rock-paper-scissors the guy in the front row You're the best dad of the worst dad lost our whole income Yeah, dude. I went with yamanika. It was the fucking best. Yeah, me All right, you know we're getting up and dancing if wow Yamanika. It was the fucking best. Me, Yamanika, moved moments. She and I were getting up and dancing.

If Yamanika could narrate BattleBots. We gotta get it back on here. Oh dude, that'd be the best. Can you pull the clip of Mark farting on Yamanika? That's one of the all-time podcast moments. Oh dude, that's the best. I just wanna hear her call a robot an N-word. Oh dude. That little the best. I just want to hear her call a robot an N-word

With the teeth yeah, I love her. Oh, yeah all over we went backstage, and we met the battle bots They're gonna get sex robots to fight it out. That'll be fun Whoa live sex robot shows? Oh, yeah, that's gonna be normalized just it's coming but not the robot That's the brand of the robot do you think they'll make robot strippers like do you think it'll phase out all women if they can get It to me. I don't think so if they can get it to like the West World robots yeah then yeah sure yes but will that make other women more desperate to suck us because they're not getting because they got to compete I'm looking for any angle I can get you know you're gonna be out of business one day or so come on get it down someday. You're all gonna have to suck us You see the trans women and the ladyboys and in Asia are fighting over turf no way Turf yeah yeah what's the best this is Mark takes over the Daily Show the best comment was transformers

versus Decepticons oh that's the best holy shit That's so funny. That one we didn't have that. Well, dude, lady boys are historically seen as like deities in those cultures. They live on different islands, and when kids are born, they come over and bless the child because they're seen as having two spirits, two different parts of themselves. So they're looked upon as like these, like actual like goddesses in a way.

And then they've rejected the Western culture idea of like no I'm a woman they're like no I'm a ladyboy that's like what we are and now that this trans stuff is going over there they're like rejecting that so that's why they're they're fighting yeah because like I could be way off on this but I think like they were doing multiple genders not just two genders like way before we just got on there. Yeah. It's like them and Samoans too.

And Native Americans, two-spirit, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right, two-spirit. Yeah. What's a two-spirit? Sorry. I mean. Two-spirits, male, female. Yeah, it's a combination.

That's, in Hindu culture, it's called the hijra. It's a special type of person that embodies both male and female. Someone say their racial slur. Let's get back to You There's one thing black people don't like is dookie Might be the hardest I've ever seen you laugh. Yeah, she had you fucking oh My god push that thing out and then the Nate one was also legendary the He hated it. I just want yamanika like whenever I have a bad set to like just Consol me when I get home that yeah Sounds the light was them. Yeah, it's like the sweetest kind when I got my cat. She got me a big

It's more conversational. It's more whatever it is Arena comic he's like a well-renowned Comedy viewing merges. I mean I love it. I mean I love it mark farts It makes me laugh my ass off, but if but if you're not in on it. You don't like it. Oh my god It's Seinfeld on he's getting it right in the old face. There you go. So you bought a cat. Oh no, Yom just got me all this cat stuff and pfft!

This motherfucker! By the way, Nate Margatzi, Dwarf Comic opens for him. Nick Navicki. That's right, yeah. Look at that. He brings a whole crew with him. They're taking your jobs. Yeah.

Now is there beef? Half pay. Is there beef with you and him? No, love Nick. He's got Gary Veeder too. Gary feels like a giant on that tour. Yeah, that's right. Dude, Nick and I have actually known each other

before we were comedians. Really? Yeah, we all. North Pole, what are we talking about? Yeah. We all. North Pole? What are we talking? Yeah. Ah, the workshop. He was a rapper, I was a boxer. I worked out. But yeah, and then we both got into comedy. So, and now I love the fact he's opening for Nate, doing arenas and stuff like that. That's awesome. That's a good gig. Yeah. Yeah, they've been friends forever, Nate and Nick. Well, your opening joke, or the joke in the trailer

of your special killed me and I shared it. I was like, boom, share, right when I saw that on my page. Thank you, sir. What was the opening joke? You say it. Oh yeah, the joke was my wife's half Asian, I'm half. It's good. Ah!

That's good. Pause! Yeah, the pause is killing me. Hit it? There you go. I love plays on old school jokes. Yeah. Yeah. Like that old Pat Dixon joke, he's like,

women love flowers because they smell good. Men love pussy because they smell... That's fun. Yeah, there's something like they're nice to look at and they... Okay, yeah, yeah. They're nice to look at and they... They smell good. I don't know.

They smell good. Yeah. They just look at it and they... Yakov Smyrnov has a joke where he's like, in Russia when you say, take my wife, please, they do. All right, real delay. But yeah, Yakov. He's back. He's back. He's back and bigger than ever. He's back off. He used to be a speechwriter for Reagan. No way. He was in his inner circle. Did he write Tear Down That Wall? He did, yes. Mr. Gorbachev in Soviet Russia wall tear you down

Reagan was quick by the way you ever see this move where he got he got shot at anyway you missed he was quick when you shot a car backfired oh like a month before that's right yeah yeah yeah a car backfired away you missed any yeah by John Hinckley Jackson who got a guy tried to assassinate him and he the gun got jammed and they did a study and then of course once It got jammed He saw it everyone just start beating the shit up and Andrew Jackson starts like stomping him Wow, but they ran they ran tests on the guns and they were like it's like a one in 1700 chance that that would happen because they kept testing it again. That's what happened to Chappelle's guy

Chance that that would happen because they kept testing it again. That's what happened to Chappelle's guy It's funny history repeats. Yeah Chappelle are Andrew Jackson Put that motherfucker on the 20 Everyone Harriet Tubman was gonna go on the 20 for five minutes. I think it might still happen Just takes a while. That'll be fun at the strip clubs Comes a tubby yeah, and I'll give you some money They're complaining that the she wasn't like looking happy on the fucking she never looked happy I know the black abolitionists in the 1800s also have you looked at the other white dudes on our money none of them are smiling that's a good point boy hey yeah his hubman was taking all their slaves away why do you think they

were mad yeah tell me she will appear on currency but not the 20 those currency don't pry it don't like I don't try make it like we have five thirty dollar bills she's on that special edition Yeah, no one gets to have it. I'm gonna use that on the hooker be like I want to run an underground railroad on you No one even it's not even as the honor it was no one uses money anymore. I'm a cash man. I love cash Cash guy who didn't bring cash so we I love cash. I like cash. Well, I love cash so much. I'm a cash guy who didn't bring cash, so we had to pay the... I know. He had the hundo there. I like having cash, because how would you tip?

Two twenties and a five was sad. No, that was fine. Well, he's paying. We're paying. How do you tip a valet? How do you tip a bellhop? Like, you need to be cash. You don't be like, hey, valet, what's your Venmo? Right. Yeah. How do you hide a body?

Cash. All cash. Cash is shady. It leaves the door for shit It's nice shit to the IRS like even like if you're a comedian You sell merch after the show you have a bunch of cash. I wouldn't know about that. I report all my income exactly Like I've heard that some comedians do that apparently the dollar circulates around Chinatown like 13 times before it leaves Is that cool? I was gonna be they're so insular in their community Yeah, you can't figure that out with the tap Apple pay no no applause Clapton give me some clap down. It's like the Jeb Bush clip, please. I please call that's my favorite

Dude, I intentionally make bad jokes in my group chats, and then I do the Jeb Bush, please clap. Oh, I've never seen that. Oh, it's a good one. I've never seen you intentionally make a bad joke. He gives a rah rah speech to like wind everyone up and it just falls flat. Just watch it. And then he just goes, please clap. Oh man. What's the Trump Jeb Bush Bush joke because he's got sleepy Joe crooked Hillary

Does he have a Jeb Bush one low-energy jab or something? Oh, yeah, I think that was a member But he did destroy him interest of this country to get back in the business of creating a more peaceful world Please clap. Oh my god. That is hilarious That's like when a woman's like shoot it on my face and you hit your shoe. You know, like total anti-connection. Do you do that, the shoot in the face? If they want me to. I've done it, I don't like it.

It's not my favorite. That's how old they are. And you also have autism. And Alex Jones is a fan. And it also never happened. And it also never happened. Bam bam bam bam bam! That was the noise it made.

Alright, alright, we need to keep going. Woooo! Poo poo poo poo poo poo! Aiyayayayayaa! Are there other things you've tried from porn that you're like, this is going to be so so great and then you try it and you're like Oh this yeah gay anal sex I've taken it and that's her I had to give it back

Like gay Dangerfield I've taken it and I had to give it back Don't applaud give me the clap Don't applaud, give me the clap. I tell you, I get no respect at the gangbang. They always make me go last. I'm sitting on glass here. How did that happen? Like on the apps or after a show? What went down there? Well there's a trans gal, when she comes to New York,

I'm like her New York boyfriend. And a while back we Flipped so like I fucked her one night, then the next night. She fucked me and then it's a fun calendar to share It was an advent calendar And then I'll be honest not for me not a fan taking or the giving taking it hurts Well she had a small pecker the giving taking it hurts I gave well she had a small pecker oh it wasn't that for you you know Asian lady yeah no no that's why you want forks huh that's why you want fuck yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah makes it easy starter you were

like thank God it's a tiny one oh yeah if she had a hog I'd have been like honey for me. He could fool Yamanika. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think so too. No, but I, yeah, I don't like it. Even the idea for me of being on all fours. No, I was laying down. Oh, it just, I don't like shit behind me. You know what I mean? Like I need a backup camera. That's your worry? The rear view mirror.

That's what you upset about? That's the best objection to getting your asshole pounded ever. Well, I just- I just don't like people over here. I don't, I picture her putting the bunny ears on me and tweeting to her friends like, look at this fucking nerd. That's like, that sounds like an X-rated

curb your enthusiasm. Yeah. I can't do with the shit behind me. Yeah, I don't like it. You're not like, you don't like your asshole played with? No. I like it played, I say knock on the door, but don't go inside. Yeah, John again. I like a little. Yeah. John again had that. He said hang out knock on the door but don't go inside yeah I like a little yeah I think I had that he said hang out on the

porch but don't go in the door oh yeah yeah that's where it is I've had a woman stick a tongue in there and I'm like great I think I wiped too hard so it's it's not it's a rough area now you're gonna give yourself a bidet my I gotta get a bidet to sponsor this podcast you'll get free bidets oh true yeah she used to sponsor this podcast. You'll get free bidets. Oh, that's true. Yeah, Tushy I think they used to sponsor us. Yeah, and then we talked about too much Butt-fucking yeah, they pulled back really I don't know I'm fine. I mean they pulled out Dude the bidets are great. Yeah, I'm game changer game heated seat

Oh done it problem is it the heated seat feels so good You want to pee sitting down you got to fight it because it's bad for the pelvic muscles Is it it's not you should be you should pee standing. Yeah Yeah, bad for the pelvic muscles and your opinion of yourself In the middle of the night, it's hard to just I want to stay I love middle and then I piss and I lean on the wall. That's okay. That's my favorite I love a wall lean. What's it like to be able to touch the wall behind the toilet?

Is that good? Well that's why you need a squatty potty to stand on that. I gotta do like the butters from South Park and like turn around and like reverse it. Oh AC Slater. Yeah. So like the back of the toilet is my little table right there. That's what I gotta do. Now do you have a bunch of little step stools in the house? Yeah, the back of the toilet is my little table right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I gotta do.

Now do you have a bunch of little step stools in the house? Dude, I have step stools like a doomsday prepper has weapons. Damn! Like they are all over the house. They're hidden. You're Nick Offerman in The Last of Us. Yeah. I just have step stools.

The half of us. They fold out. They come down. Well done, sir. Well done, sir. I found that one. But yeah, I got them all over the place. Makes sense. I mean, these counters, they're not built- I had a bit about how we like change the bathrooms for every gender, but nothing for you guys.

Nothing for me. Yeah. The best part is that my wife- we moved into a new house my wife remodeled the kitchen and in the in the kitchen She literally put the counters so high. I'm like cool. I don't ever have to do dishes. Oh She she she unintentionally unintentionally fucked herself over you literally don't belong in the kitchen. Yeah, yeah It's perfect. That's great Yeah, the stepstool. That's big. Yeah, and now and now because my daughter is a dwarf as well So now she gets to like I get to that's our bonding moment. Hey, this is how you do

Yeah, that's tool. You're gonna need this in your life. This is good. We had Jordan now you went from step brother to step Doggy style to doggy steps And what about the doggy door? Really yeah well because because I got cuz I got a 90 pound pitbull and So yeah, we got the doggy door in the back so now I'm like cool I've ever locked myself out of my house. I can get in there you go. Oh you have you ever used it? Have you ever read in the pitbull? I've never not intentionally yeah Yeah, I would have you ever ridden the pitbull. I'm never not intentionally Yeah, I'm essentially one time. I was giving some scratches, and they decided to stand up I'm like I don't I don't have a choice in this matter. Yeah, no one

Are you a big pitbull guy? Yeah? Yeah, they're great. Are you ever afraid I? Used to be but then I started hanging out like there. There was that show It was actually a show about dwarves and people I remember that pit boss I went on the show and I roasted the Lead guy's name shorty you know name And yeah, like his pitbull was really cool. You had other pitbulls around they were great. So yeah, I was like cool I like pitbulls. Oh, you got a whole crew of littles

Gaggle of dwarves yeah, it's certainly not a murder of dwarfs. No, no, no. It's a step stool of dwarfs. It's adorable. It's adorable. Yeah. We'll go with that. A group of pandas is an embarrassment. True story. Give it a goog. What? An embarrassment? A murder of crows, a pride of lions, I think a gaggle of geese, a school of fish. It's an embarrassment. An embarrassment. Or a sleuth. A sleuth is no good.

Why are they called an embarrassment? Because they don't get laid. Because they're mixed race. It's very racist. They don't like the blacks and the whites coming together. No, not in China, that's for sure. Yeah, only in the south they're called an embarrassment. The north. that's it.

Why do we rent these from China? We can't grow our own pandas? Yeah, really. Oh, really? Fucking pugs, those are great. Grumble of pugs. A grumble! Oh, I love that!

I hate that. That's- A kindle of kittens. A kindle of kittens? Embarrassment of pandas. Why write under a kindle of kittens is an ad for Amazon? That's very appropriate. Congress of baboons. Congress of baboons see Congress about that's DI at war yes a prickle of head

So is a why that accurate a bloat of well, that's on the nose suck my dick of rhinos Get out of our pool trans women Tigers what the fuck a Memory of elephants oh, that's perfect a flamboyance of beautiful Yeah, I'm a pretty animal that's just yes. Yeah that that just looks like a pride parade a Gorilla boy and some flamingos whoop there it is It should be cut in there never mind these aren't real a dazzle of zebras can't be real sound like ingredients in a Christmas song One raft of otters a concerto crickets shut the fuck

Fake yeah, that's a propagandist rag Wombats these are all just alliteration. Scurry. These are cute. A husk of hairs. A dingo of dogs. A troubling of goldfish. A journey of giraffes. A cackle of hyenas.

A walk of snails. A rumba of... Dubberness of rhinos. Or a room of a room. Oh, it's stubbornness Or a crash of Rhinos. That's very appropriate. Okay. This isn't fucking that can't be that can't be real They just made those up, but the embarrassment. I swear to God is real a bomb of comedians Parade of gays Are there any parades that you can go to without being annoying? I feel like all parades are kind of annoying. Mardi Gras is pretty great.

That's because everyone's drunk. Yeah, that's got drunken tits. You're throwing tits. I'm at the parade. See, I would imagine. More parades should incorporate tits. That's true. It's like a sign for a bit.

More than normal. More tits. More than normal tits and parades. I got in trouble at the Barstool Pride Parade. Why? Because I always get invited on their floats. Really? Yeah, yeah.

They have a pride parade at Barstool? Yeah. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, they do the pride parade. It's like me and two other gay guys that are like allowed in Barstool. We like you. They led me on the microphone and it was on six av.

It was completely packed, like the heart of it. And I was rah-rah-ing everyone up. And I was like, who here believes love is love And they're like yeah, I was like who here is gay like yeah, and I go who here thinks Fauci was a liar And everyone was like what and they one of the guys came up was like our sponsors are here get off the microphone They like yelled abuse everything you like start going on like who believes 9-eleven was an inside job Yeah, I just thought it was so funny to just say like a third The comic came out of you I know

Yeah, there it is. Oh, he looks like a real gay in that one. Oh, yeah, that's uh funnily enough He's not gay Feidlstein Feidlberg. Yeah Feidlberg. Yeah, not Jewish. I really I know They're taking our names Yeah, take it on me you were taught you were talking about what parades are good I imagine a st. Patrick's Day parade is good, but I will never go to that They're terrible. It's just everyone's Yeah, not for me. Everyone's gonna like think like oh, he's working here That's gonna be bad. I'll never be able to convince him I'm not. That or a chocolate factory. You cannot go near it.

I cannot go there. I'm gonna put you to work. Or live in a tree. I will never take a gig in Hershey, Pennsylvania. I'm worried they won't let me out. So that town is just based on chocolate. Yeah. That's it. Have you been to that factory before? I have, I played a gig there.

It was an adorable town. It's like made out of, you know. Michelle Wolf. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Is she from there? Yeah. Really?

Pennsylvania Dutch country, isn't that what it's called? I thought you liked black guys. Ah. With chocolate. I remember doing that gig there, man. It was like a comedy zone there and a fucking, that was a horrible gig. Yeah, they pay you in Reese's.

Yeah. You got Reese's? Yeah. Yeah, they pay you in Reese's. You got Reese's? Yeah. Oh, they didn't like him. I got Kisses. Oh, I would like a kiss. From a dude. Dark chocolate. Yeah.

Look at that, I mean it's like a fake movie town. Wow. I love it. Yeah, that's kind of a fun thing to do. It's fun when you go to these. Yeah. It's a diabetes factory. It's good to do stuff when you're going the road. Yeah, you gotta get out. I love it. Yeah, that's kind of a fun thing to do. It's fun when you go to these. Yeah. It's a diabetes factory. It's good to do stuff when you're going the road.

Yeah, you gotta get out. I love it. I love doing basic touristy stuff on the road. Same. It's my favorite. Well, cause like, who else has an opportunity to go to all these places? Totally.

So we gotta take advantage. Yeah, that's the one time I saw Mount Rushmore, cause I was like, well, I'm in the Dakotas. Yeah, what else am I? So the Great Wall I did China and I said how far is Great Wall though? It gets an hour and a half drive. I said we're doing it. Oh, that's great. I had to go I gotta see the Great Wall. What am I gonna see that again? Yeah, I'm doing my first European tour this year. Have you guys been it when you're going I'm going in September September what? I don't know. I've topped my head. I like he's going to 15th or something like my dismiss you. Oh really I just did one and I had a fucking blast

Where'd you go? Cuz I'm going to Amsterdam Norway to where Norway Bergen Oslo Oslo going to Dublin Ireland did it Me too with the vicar yet. Yeah, that's the best one of the best rooms in the world There's my website scroll down. I'm doing the Vicar? Yeah! Yeah! That's one of the best rooms in the world. You're gonna love it. There's my website. Scroll down. I'm doing the... It's in September. Yeah.

Doing Sweden, Copenhagen. Yeah, nice. I'm doing Copenhagen. Tough crowd. Oh, you're doing the Vicar Street! Yeah. That's the one. Okay. Unreal. Film that show.

Yeah. You're gonna murder. We already added a second show in Amsterdam at boom Chicago Oh, I don't know that's it. That's the actual club name boom Chicago. Let me just give you a tip on Amsterdam Yeah, they laugh and then they stop and then they applaud so you're like I'm fucking bombing up here because they're just like ha ha ha Because you're not used to it and I got off off the guy, I was like, you killed. I was like, what are you kidding?

I'm dripping sweat. I was like, that was brutal. Like, no, no, that's how they do it here. Oh, well, yeah. Yeah. I was told like there's a lot of people over there that they're just so happy that they get American jokes. Yeah.

But they haven't, you know, they're not trained in the same way that our audiences have. Exactly. So that's just how they're doing it Totally totally, but you love that town. So it's I'm fired I'm doing that shit too, but but you're doing it later in September. It's not on my site yet, but I'm doing yeah I'm doing I think the 18th through the 30th. Oh my god Europe. You have me and then Sam. Yeah You know, you're gonna get those comments. They're like, ah, you're coming to Europe, but it's an hour and a half away Can you come to Fred old Dishick's Berg?

Where we have a small theater and right do and do the local pub. It's like bitch. I flew 20 hours You can drive one hour come on one hour come on to the show. Yeah, yeah, I'm pumped Is it your first time doing I did I've done a little bit, but not nothing like this. Yeah I did like I did London last year just cuz I was going on vacation to Greece. I'd love to do London London was sick. I feel like I did Australia last year too, but yeah, I haven't done like a real Euro. Yeah I'm doing I'm doing Australia in November. I haven't announced it yet But I'm doing Australia and New Zealand which I gotta go take a picture at the Hobbit Town, right? You gotta do it.

I gotta do it. It's gonna break the internet. That's your Christmas photo. You gotta do it. Hopefully your opener's ugly, that's Gollum. You walk in, you take a photo, you're like, all right, I'm going back to the airport. Let me just, how was that?

I mean. There's gonna be one kid like, it's real. They don't let you leave? You're their god now? Yeah, I mean, pretty much be one kid like yeah, they don't like you leave you know their God now Yeah, pretty much. They got the Hobbit town there. They got the places where they shot Game of Thrones It's like Dwarf heaven over there Dwarf heaven, baby. Yeah, yeah, that's true. New Zealand is wild I did one show there. Yes, it's an island off an island So they're just more even more disconnected than Australia, and they do their own shit. They're in their own world They got the haka so they're the natives are still like hanging out. Oh

That's a New Zealand. I thought that was a Samoan thing. It's New Zealand. Oh Whoa, I like that the rugby team the all blacks that do it. That's the actual name What Brad what actually name of the Brad come again? It's called the All Blacks. Oh, that's his porn genre. There you go, the New Zealand All Blacks. See, they don't give a fuck over there. That is so ironic. And then they do the Hawkeh before every game

and it's the most intimidating. Isn't it ironic? They go against his other team called the KKK. Yeah. Which is ironically all Asians. Very strange. Next week we're playing whites only. Yeah. Which is ironically all Asians. It's very strange. Next we're playing whites only. Yeah, the hock is terrifying.

Look at the thighs on those motherfuckers. I know. It's a different world over there. No one gets offended. After my show they all threw drugs on the stage. They threw drugs? Yeah, so be ready to scoop those up. Okay. Wow.

See they do that with me, but it's like Mucin-X is declared. I'm like, come on guys. Plan B. Yeah, yeah. Someone did actually send me Pepto-Bismol once. Wow see they do that with me, but it's like mucinex Plan B Someone did actually send me Pepto Bismol once really it's in the rider. Oh I already have it in the green room. That's I carry it with me That's how you know you're getting older because it's like I used to get excited for weed now I'm like oh man when I get back to that hotel. I'm gonna pop that Zyrtec Yeah, my pocket I always have Alka-Seltzer, Tums, Pepto, because I have like a really bad stomach.

We might be old. We lost all our young listeners. You guys fucking suck. Yeah, where's the shrooms and the cocaine? That's my bad, the Pepto gives me the Riz. No cap. Yeah, yeah, I stand on business We're you guys gonna be coming up on the roadie and we obviously get your special on YouTube

Yes, I'll have been free while happy and free hilarious comic thank you, bro I got a bunch of stuff coming up punch up dot live slash Ian finance or Ian finance comm for all my dates. Gonna be in Los Angeles, Sunnyville, Fort Collins, and we're putting dates together for Denver and Winnipeg. So I got a ton of stuff. Check it out.

iAnimal69, Tulsa. I got a pizza place for you to hit. Oh, all right. And I'm going back to my favorite club, Pittsburgh Improv in November. Oh, interesting. Favorite club. I love that place.

That and Zany, Chicago are like my favorites. The old one? The old town? Yeah, that's a beauty. Old town nail house around the corner, I love that. Oh yeah, some long nights there. Yeah, thank you for plugging my special. I appreciate it.

Love you buddy. Thank you. You too man. Brad, what do you got coming up? Well, I got my new special, Starfish, which is on YouTube. My dates, let's see this this Air Synchronomio, those are sold out.

Let's go to, I'm coming to Peoria, Illinois, birthplace of Richard Pryor. Not a nice city. And Kinnison. And Kinnison. Rockford, Illinois, Carlton, Minnesota, Joliet, Illinois, all sold out in Salt Lake City. Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Pabst Theater.

First show sold out, so we added a late show still still some tickets there It's really cool to like go to these theaters and then like mark. I'm seeing your posters Yeah, same. It's really it's really cool like see friends be like holy shit. We're like now I'm seeing like dusty sleigh starting. Yeah, he's great and It's it's really awesome that comic comedy supporting like all these people doing larger venues because it's great and it's really awesome that comedy's supporting all these people doing larger venues. It's great. It's crazy. It used to be like one comedian was doing stadiums or something like that.

Now it's like, I can name five comedians off the top of my head that are doing stadiums. I know. It's insane. We're in a boom. I miss the theaters, man, but I need to write a new fucking act. So I'm in clubs for now. I got May 31st. I got Lex theaters, man, but I need to write a new fucking act. So I'm in clubs for now. I got May 31st. I got Lexington, Kentucky.

Then we got through the 2nd of June, Bray Improv, June 7th through 9th. The Miami Improv. My hometown. Yeah. Improv. Miami Improv, June 13th through 15th. Atlantic City one night with Krista Stefano. We got a bunch of special guests.

That's going to be a lot of fun, we'll do it up. And then we got Rochester New York Comedy, the Carlson Gray Club, and I'm gonna add dates, might end up on some Birdie Boys stuff, you know, we'll see some birdie loads over here. I'm gonna add some stuff, we got some casinos I'm adding with Chrissy D, I think Neemash is gonna do them,

I think, I hear we might add Jordan to some of these, something kind of pump. A lot of stuff cooking, follow Mark and I both on PunchUp.live slash Samorow and PunchUp.live slash Mark Normed as well. Can I say that Punch Up is awesome? We love Punch Up. Dude, I joined it and I sold out a club

for the first time ahead of time. I've been like selling out but it's, you walk up and they're like, we'll see, maybe, and then it turns out, but it's you walk up and they're like Wait, we'll see maybe and then it turns out but ahead of time feels so good Never happened before social and it felt amazing social media is crushing our videos like you build up these audiences But now there's anything with a hint of offensiveness and they crush it so now you go to punch up It's free speech not run by a whack job. Yes. Which is nice. And it's, I mean Twitter's been great actually.

Twitter's good because. Really? Well you can say anything on Twitter. Oh they hate me over there. Really? Oh the people hate you, not me. Yeah, yeah the people. Twitter's just great for promoting I mean,

because it's like you can say whatever, but like, look yeah the people on Twitter are fucking. They're the worst. They're nuts, but you know, this is a good place for comedy and you can actually support, we can post whatever we want. Yeah, and it's direct to market.

We get docked on Instagram. We'll get a ping or whatever and they'll bury the video. Dude, I got a community guideline violation for posting a story of me holding Jordan's dog and going, she's so cute, I wanna pop her little head off. And I got inciting violence violation and ever since then, everything has been dying. I'm sorry for laughing, but it's so cute, I wanna pop her little head off. And I got inciting violence violation, and ever since then, everything has been dying.

I'm sorry for laughing, but it's so ridiculous. Right? Inciting violence. It's clearly a joke. I know. It's turned into doing CBS, because it's all ad sales. So now we're basically back at square one,

like Mark and I were saying, this is why we don't do late night. We talked about this to death. I got popped on TikTok, because I said, Greta Thunberg is 21 man autism don't crack and they got me on bullying what bully you're saying she looks great I'm saying she looks great, and she's autistic dude I was dressed as Santa Claus at the cellar with the tell on stage

I'm treating I said and I said he goes you're climate denying Santa right I go Yeah, everyone that got the vaccine. I put on Santa right I go yeah everyone that got the vaccine I put on them that didn't get them that got the vaccine I put on the naughty list yeah as a joke and and that got me misinformation about it your rfk community guideline This arc has it's like a robot that doesn't understand sarcasm so now we just have to so now you just be like that was a joke Yeah, the words yeah, hey robot. You want to hear a joke and then tell it yeah The following is a false statement and then tell the joke that's not gonna work Yeah, and then I had a thing that was like I'm we're seriously

Underestimating the problem at the border, and it's really gonna affect us for the next 20 years You can't say anything You can't say anything anymore. AI gets a lot of shit right. George Washington's black. Yeah, that's right. That's what they're doing. That's right, yeah. Yeah, they're killing it.

I'm in Victoria, BC, which I'm actually very excited about. It's an island off the edge of Vancouver. Get some fucking decent seafood, buddy. Ooh, we'll do. You and I are playing both the same theaters in Vancouver and Victoria. Oh, the Vogue's sick. Those are two of the best theaters, actually.

I love both of those. Hell yeah, Royal Oak, Fort Wayne, West Palm, Fort Myers, New Haven, Beantown, Mekong, Georgia. That's a fully loaded tour. Philly, that Munhall, that's in Pittsburgh, Seattle. Philly. Miller Theater. Played it last night. What? Awesome. Is it? It's awesome. Hell yeah. I can't wait. I did the Miller, I think. I've never been there. I love Philly.

It's so great. Philly's the best. It's right in the middle of all of downtown. Shout out. Yeah, I think I've been there Billy it's so great He's a mess. Yeah, I didn't know right in the middle of all of downtown Yeah, yeah So you so you could do your show and then see who's over at helium and then pop over there? It's right there. I'm going to Kensington fuck that. Yes K&A baby. What's up? South Dakota, I mean What's up, hola, Sioux Falls. Never been to South Dakota, I mean. Cedar Rapids, I'm just, as David told.

This is Americana tour, baby. This is the connecting flights tour, as David said. Richard Greensboro, Anaheim, get on the Punch Up, you know where it is and who it is. PunchUp.live slash all our names. Brad, you on it? You guys are talking it up. Brad's punched down.

Yeah. I gotta get on this thing. Get on it, bro. Punch Up. He's Jump Up Live. Right? Step Up. So, He's jump up live. Right? Step up. So, oops, something went wrong.

What? Is it like a new social media page or what is it? It's just a guy we know who used to work at Facebook and I think was pretty disenchanted with how they were, oh, there they are. Okay. Me in a suit. And also it's a way to get rid of Ticketmaster,

which is awesome. Yeah, exactly. Ticketmaster is just crushing not only us, but also the people buying tickets to our shows with these insane fees. It's not right that these people are, you work hard to see shows and then are dinged with 30, $40 fees a ticket. It's fucking insane. Go back to that photo.

And by the way, people get mad at us, we don't see shit from that, all right? That's them trying to, you know, and they have a monopoly because these Ticketmaster companies own the theaters. Yeah, exactly. They bought the theaters. Well, that's what Pearl Jam was doing with Ticketmaster years ago. They were fighting against Ticketmaster with that for concert tickets. My tour is sponsored by Live Nation, which is owned by Ticketmaster, so... Hey, I love this company! There's Dusty Slay.

That was mean. I just there's Dusty Slay. Ha ha! That was mean, I just need to get that joke in. He's having a good time. Thank you, man. You guys rule, thank you guys, keep listening. BodegaKatWhiskey.com, it's coming very soon in New York City, stay tuned. Oh, hit the piñata!

Hit it, baby! Yeah, hit it. One more, one more. Yeah! Hustle top! That's how Brad was born. Woo! Woo!

Woo! Thank you guys, we might be drunk. Happy Zika Napayal. Thank you. Happy Zika Napayal. Woo! Woo! Sunday's the day for my next bender.

I bid a peaver wreck, you know the beer chew's close I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her

And I get down in the same way We might be drunk