We Might Be Drunk - Ep 181: Campari Soda

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

*Taped a long time ago in a galaxy far far away when the Knicks were cookin* Just the boys tonight drinking Campari Soda and giving you some peeves, recs, and working on bits! Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com/ Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod  Bodega Cat: http://www.bodegacatspirits.com We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/ If you want to start a podcast contact [e-mail] for a discount on services when referred by WMBD! Support the show & get 20% off and free shipping with the code DRUNK at https://www.manscaped.com

We're back! Hey, hey, we're here! Cleavage season. Oh, the sun is shining. It's 80 degrees in New York. I can't believe it. I live by Washington Square Park, so do you. The whole park is full.

And it's crazy because you see the young kids on their phone. They're missing tits. They're staring at that screen. They're missing cleavage. I'm like, this is what the summer's all about. That's a great, you hear that Jonathan Haidt? He's the whole like anti-phone guy. It's all tits, but the problem is there's tits on the phone. Yeah, so I guess you got them there. Yeah, but it's better in person. It's way better. It's like live, Pearl Jam live versus a CD. Yeah.

Double D. Dude, there were some tits on the subway and you get a little shoulder sweat there, ooh, hanging out. I know, the thigh, I love a thigh, you know, this shit with the whole wah. Oh, very exciting. Man, you know what happened the other day? I play ball with my friend Dory sometimes. We just do one-on-ones in the park for exercise, but it gets heated because I'm taller than him. Sure. If I'm down, I can just post him up. He tries to trip me on a post-up, and I'm like, dude, I could get fucking badly hurt. Like, he blatantly tries to trip me, and I lose my temper, I spike the ball,

it goes right into his nuts, and he goes down, and an old black man just sits and watches on the bench, and he goes, that's street ball right there. It was so satisfying. Oh, that's great Wow, was he was he like he was really pissed at me. It took a while I did feel bad after like at first I was like fuck. Yeah justified and then you're like I feel bad I hit him in the nuts. Yeah, well, that's what happens with friends. It gets escalated and it's all good the second We leave. Yeah, of course

I remember one time me and a friend were fake wrestling and then he pushed me so I jump kicked him and he was like Oh, and then he saw red. Yeah, then he you know, he came at me and we were like we were gonna kill each other But you know speaking of red man little Campari soda today Well, these are these are nice little like we're just trying to chill drink chill not trying to get fucked up You're just trying to like have a nice. It's like an old feel like this is what Junior Soprano drank Yes, yes, this is it's light and airy. Yeah effervescent. It's good Campari is I think my favorite mixer you throw that in like a boulevardier or a Negroni or something. It's fucking nice That's different than Aperol. It's in the same family. Okay Well that family tree is a car wrapped around it. That's an old Mike Lawrence joke.

He used it in our pitch. Great joke. While I come from a long line of alcoholics, that's a great fucking bit. Yeah. He also had a great line with the execs where he said, we got some great notes in our Uber ride here because the driver used to be an exec.

Ha ha ha ha ha. It's a great line, it might be pissing some of these people off. Yeah, that's a great LA line though, like they could be in swingers. Speaking of swinging and drinking and celebrating, we gotta give a thank you for the shout out from ol' Big Jer. Jer, thank you, man. Seinfeld.

Very cool. Super cool. This is what my family hears, so the New Yorker podcast, so this is cool. Yeah, I mean, kinda ruined it with Brian Simpson. Ronny Chieng I love. Brian Simpson really funny. Good company. Yeah. Mark Norman really funny. Sam Marl really funny. Do you ever go to clubs? Yeah, all the blame themselves. Who are the young ones? That's very nice man. Jerry we'd love to have you on man. Talk comedy.

It's gonna get more eyeballs than some of those late night shows you go on if you come on here because we got comedy nerds listening. Yes, way more than the Tonight Show or any of that fucking horseshit New Yorker. Nobody listens to that. That being said, Jimmy Fallon, you're also welcome to come on. Not a great pitch there for Fallon. That's true. But Fallon, he'll throw drinks down.

That's true. And he's a fun hang. He's an animal. And he's got stories for days. Yeah, yeah. He started the bottom with the guitar and everything. Worked his way up, SNL. So yeah, we'll have them all on.

Started as a bottom, now he's here. So we got a big invite for Big Jerry. We love you, Jerry. Yes. And who can talk comedy better than us on a podcast? We can go deep down. We can go fucking Richard Jenney. We can go Jerry. Yes. And who can talk comedy better than us on a podcast? We can go deep down. We can go fucking Richard Jenney.

We can go Kinnison. We can go Pryor, Eddie Murphy. Look at this wall here. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. We need Big Jer. That would be a cool one.

You know what's funny? A lot of people are giving him, he's getting like dragged on social media. I saw that. By people being like, you know, oh the most vanilla comedian Seinfeld was fucking edgy. He had bite dude. They did a show about masturbation on NBC Primetime in the 90s that wouldn't fly today. That's the only point he's making He's like it was easier then like yeah, I don't know how he's getting dragged for saying no. I had it easier, right? That's literally what he's saying. They don't make sitcoms anymore is what he's saying

I know then the guy pushed back and was like, what about Curb? Curb's pretty edgy. Grandfathered in. Grandfathered in. A 30-year-old guy trying to pitch a show could not do Curb. Yeah, he was... Let's see, yeah, he wrote, isn't that what Curb is all about? Oh, which one is first? Oh yeah, Larry got grand... Larry got grandfathered in, right, right.

If Larry was 35, he couldn't get away with the watermelon stuff, the Palestinian chicken, and HBO knew that's what people came here for They're not smart enough to figure it out. How do we do this now? Yeah, you pitch that shit magic you go in an HBO with a watermelon black joke I joke about the Holocaust shoes he put the shoes on and dance did a lot of Holocaust jokes in our pitch And it does not look good. So yeah, we had a joke about me knocking up a look good. So yeah. Oh we had a joke about me knocking up a neo-nazi. By accident I know she's a neo-nazi we hook up at a wedding and great line that Mike Lawrence comes up with was we you know I'm begging her to take Plan B it

turns out she's a pro-life neo-nazi and I go oh come on you got one chance to kill a Jew get free. You're not gonna take it? Great joke. But I'm sure that the back of their neck hairs stand up and go, oh, and you're like, come on, it's coming. 100%, because there are jokes you even notice in LA that you do at a club and you're like, they're like, oh, and you're like, well, this kills in Ohio. Yes.

This kills in Wisconsin. Yes. This kills in Texas, in Florida, in New York. There is something about those crowds. So then he says, the interviewer, David Remnick, isn't that what Curb's all about? Yeah, Larry was grandfathered in, says Jerry. He's old enough, so he goes,

I don't have to observe those rules because I started before you made those rules. We did an episode in the series in the 90s where Kramer decides to have a business with homeless people or pulling rickshaws. He goes, they're outside anyway. Do you think I could get away with that today I mean oh yeah it's interesting you know a point and that's so you could tell he's thought about this so he had

that ready had that exact episode ready and look everybody does the oh comics say they can't talk about anything and I'm not saying I say crazy shit we're doing theaters we're doing fine we're on Netflix we're doing great I say wild shit all the stuff you're not supposed to say. Stand-up is different That's true, which is funny because we're playing us. That's true. This would be a character. But yeah, there's no one to yell at We have no sponsorships or Gatorade or corporation, but it doesn't go that way in films I feel like I feel like films could like horror movies. You could still slice a teenager's head off. They know it's a movie They know it's a fake head. It's a fake head it's also a very clear villain that nuances the enemy that's true nuances what people have a

problem with if you like I think about the scene all the time and as good as it gets with Jack and Nicholson says a bunch of anti-semitic stuff in the beginning and if that were made now that would be the whole movie that's a great point like you can't have a character who's got like some maybe shitty tendencies. Yeah. Like, yeah. He's not a perfect guy. Yes. I find that interesting. It's the same time, yeah.

It's like Popeye Doyle. You know, Popeye Doyle, French Connection, the guy's a racist, he's a womanizer, he's a piece of shit. Corrupt Cop. Corrupt Cop! And it's great! Movie! It's a great story. That's one of the great New York movies ever. Incredible. That car chase scene holds the fuck up. wreck French connection 1972 with shiter all the

tropes came from there like the chief like you're gonna ruin this town you want your gun and badge for dinner you know that whole thing that's all from there they got all the tropes they started that in that movie that's a classic that and that chase scene is like it must be ten minutes or something it's oh yeah It's completely insane. Under that overpass, under the L. How about these fucking paparazzi annoying 90-something year old Gene Hackman?

Have you seen this shit? Yeah, he looks brutal. But he's in his 90s. Let the guy die, you know? Let the guy go to hell. Like the gas station. Who's on that detail? That's the saddest.

You're the traffic cop of paparazzi. Right. The parking maid. The worst. The meter maid. Ugh. What do we got? Kim Kardashian, George Clooney, ah, got an old bag Hackman there.

He's at the 7-Eleven getting a cup of noodles. God bless him though. I mean, he really was the coolest. The man. But back to my point, I'm not one of these guys who can't, who's like, you can't say anything more, but I am saying that people analyze.

There's an analyzing in New York. We can say anything, we're actually not saying about us. We're talking about in sitcom form. Yes. Because those words have to be greenlit by an exec. Guys like us, yeah, stand up, our crowd wants us to say crazy shit. Of course, but friends got under fire.

Remember that, friends is problematic now, because Ross made a fat joke and whatever and you're like, yeah friends got it hard for a couple years during the pandemic. It was like friends as bad as all these people that they were like, guys we got to cancel friends. Exactly. So he's 100% right but everybody's like boomer take whatever and you're like, but the guy knows TV more than you and to his point where he goes There's no all in the family anymore. Like I got no if I owe my friend about this. He's like this louder milk There's this show I'm like eight people are watching louder milk six people are watching this There's nothing we could all go home and watch. Well, that's just because of the for the format change

I mean now I think it's like Maybe it like you were talking about baby reindeers like some showing Netflix. Yeah, it's like, maybe you were talking about Baby Reindeer, it's some show on Netflix that's trending, but yeah, sitcoms, it's different. I mean, I feel like all the shows we watch, I think the point Jerry's making is like, if you watch a 30 Rock episode from like 2008, you're like, holy shit. Wild, blackface. This is on NBC?

All that shit, yeah. I mean, they went hard with jokes, but it never felt malicious. It was silly and funny as hell. This is on NBC all that shit. Yeah, I mean they they went hard with jokes, but like It never felt malicious. It was silly and funny as hell It just felt like comedy and then we'd all go back and it was water cooler shit You go back and tell you see you see 30 Rock you see Raymond or whatever you see a resident development But do you think there's any coincidence is that these are the shows that kids are now discovering is like the best shows But holy shit 30, Seinfeld. The office was crazy.

They had some dark shit, Retard and the Chris Rock scene. I mean, there's some crazy stuff in the office and we all watch it. My wife watches it to sleep. Like that's how little it affects her, offended wise. She's like, this is a nice lullaby. It's tough to make. I think also there's just less, it's funny's tough to it's tough to make I think also. There's just less

It's funny. There's like 900 Places to make shit, and they're all just kind of like now. We're not gonna make that type of thing I know I know If the weird thing is if one network had the balls to pick up your show it would do great Just because it stands out yeah, but they're so nervous There's always right we just do it ourselves that seems to be the way to do it that's the move nowadays and and they've that that's what they've created they're fucking it up for themselves yeah you never know ironically yeah they're like oh we're a little nervous to put that out

alright I'll make it myself huge hit damn we should have put that out change it there you go I think you know and that's what we did with stand-up specials and it's like holy shit shit. Yes! Streamers are basically YouTube now. It's like, okay, you're not gonna invest in the show, we're shooting it out of our own pocket and then you just upload it? Yes. That's the creative risk you're gonna take?

Exactly. Oh, it's successful, the numbers are up, we'll buy it. Yeah. Take a risk, ya pussies. It's funny, we had to get to like clubs, you're like, oh shit, I gotta sell out clubs, and you get to theaters and they're like now I can get to sell a showman. Yeah.

And I didn't want to sell a show because financially we take a hit if we take a show. Yes. It's because I love sitcoms. I grew up loving like really well written shows like Peep Show or like really funny writing. Yes, movies too. Yeah, but and it's also just good I think good for your brain to like like I'll always be doing stand-up as much as possible but I want to do other shit too. I just I think it's just good to explore you know. Yeah, yeah, no 100%. Wait I just got it. What? The industry is a hot lady. Now I didn't get laid in high school and that was the end the industry is the hot lady they wouldn't touch me. You go become a comic you go become successful in the hot

ladies all of a sudden like I'll fuck you now and you're like I'm the same guy you coos that I was in eighth grade but you didn't want to touch me then that's the same with the industry they're like hey no thank you nerd well some people in the industry would have touched you as a child that's true and Nickelodeon where we at I could have used you, I needed the steam boost. But yeah, so then you go put a special on YouTube, it gets a zillion views. Yeah, you do a bunch.

You did it, yeah. Same, same, we do a bunch of shit, and then now all of a sudden, Shane gets a Netflix tire show. So you're like, you gotta prove it. They're a hot lady who's scared to take a risk. In a way, it's good. It's a way, it's good that it never stops being a fucking pain in the ass. It lit a fire under our ass. You can

never get lazy man. That's true. You get lazy you're fucking out. It's amazing how quick this could go away. Oh I think about that every day. I mean this is like shit I think about all the time. I think about what Jim Jeffery said when we're opening for McCarroll lines like 2011 Yeah, and all these sold out shows first time he sold it all out and he was gonna about to move up to theaters And he just looked at it let us say when goes. I'll see this place on the way back down. Yeah Think about all the time. I think about it too. I remember not to Get dark, but I saw Dana Gould's name on a shitty club, and I remember like Dana Gould. He's the man

He's like the Simpsons and HBO specials and all this but he got a divorce and he had to come back out and now He's good again He's selling shows, but I remember being like one of the funniest dudes ever one of the funniest guys I looked up to so then you're like oh shit. This is this is reality setting in he's Stand-up still fucking phenomenal amazing. I'm this clips. We share his clips. Yeah, I love him Yeah, I tried to make a show with him years ago. He's the best one of the coolest guys great guy Now that is what? That's pretty crazy. Yeah, man, but yeah, so he's got a point

But I don't know why this why do you think this triggers people so much this exact? I think it triggers him because he's so fucking rich and it's just people that don't already don't like him So they're like fuck him for having an opinion when he won and I think that's what my takeaway is but I also think like It's he's not coming off as arrogant here. He's coming off as being like no I had it easy Yeah, young guys these young comics, men and women, they have a harder time selling a show because people don't want to make those shows.

Right, he also threw the far left in there, and I think that also, when you say the far left, now people are like, oh, is he right-wing? You're like, no, no, he's very left, but he's just saying the far left. I don't think he's talking about, I don't think Jerry's saying you can't get an abortion Yeah, I think you're saying like you get the far left does get offended more often. Is that not obvious? That's totally obvious, but I do think that triggers people, you know, they're like, hey, I'm a lefty

What the hell and he's talking about me and then they get more angry. Yeah You're right. I think he said It's I mean look it's ironic It's like when Todd Fillers was like, I don't want to make comedies anymore because people get offended and everyone's like, what the fuck is this? And you're like, well, shit man. Yeah, having a Joe List, he was on Rogue and he's like, well nobody wants to hear from white guys, and then he got in trouble for that and he's like, this is what I'm talking about.

A white guy made a point and you're mad at me. It's funny when the prophecy, what do you call it, fulfills itself. Well it's also interesting to hear a guy of Jerry's caliber and just like this iconic New York guy because that's a publication that might not hear that point of view. Yeah. From a guy of that caliber, right? Yeah, true. Well, there is a little underlying kind of thing where you're not supposed to say that stuff. And he said it.

And I think that's where a lot of it. You need people to be fearless. And in terms of that level, because he has nothing to lose. Most people coming up are still scared of losing shit. He's like, what are you gonna do, take away Seinfeld? Everyone's favorite sitcom? Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, Michael Richards did what he did. I still got Seinfeld. Yeah, and there's something to be said, like Carlin was this comedian type for a long time, and he just went, I'm going this way now. And I'm not saying Seinfeld's doing a full image change and a rebrand, but I like a comic who, you think he's this way and he zags.

You zig and he's zagged. I like that. Yeah, I think he's just being himself. I don't think he's trying to do anything. No, no. I don't think so either, but yeah. I like that he keeps it real. He's one of us, because a lot of people put him up

as this kind of squeaky clean, I don't wanna say corny, but he's like this mainstream comedian that everybody loves. He's on Good Morning America, but he can still keep it real. That's what's cool about him. He's one of us! Well, come on Jerry. Yes! Get in here, you fucking heeb! We'd love to have you. Did I tell you this, the PayPal joke? No. So when I opened for him, I was like, I had that joke, I met my ex on that Jewish app, PayPal. And I was like, should I change that to Venmo? And he goes, nah, pay's funnier, it's got pay in it.

And I remember being like, that's a fucking, this guy's a comic. That he's a Jewish man, that didn't even phase him of like, ah, that's a little offensive or stereotypical. He was just like, that's better that way. He's a wordsmith. He is That that it's like Chappelle when Kramer said that shit. He's like that's what I realized I was 90% comedian 10% that was one of the black jokes I've ever heard the best that was brilliant

Yeah, doesn't mean he's less black. He said that that n words having a bad set. That's fucking brilliant Amazing that is a fucking brilliant line. So funny. Like, wow, you just flipped that. I know. Basically. I know. And again, everybody's like, you're black, are you offended? And he's zagged. He went the other way.

He's a zigger. All right. Zagger. All right. But yeah, the Knicks are cooking. We're cooking. Well, you don't know are cookin'. We're cookin'. Well, you don't know, right? Because we're pre-recording this one. Oh.

So I hope we're still cookin'. Scratch that. I got my Brunson 316 shirt on, baby. Oh, I was wondering what that was, okay. That took me a second. I thought it was a Bible verse. I was like, oh, you've changed. You're Austin 316?

Snowball? Yeah, yeah, that's, I didn't see the Brunson. Yeah, he's the coolest. No, man. We want, end of the season, we want Jalen and Josh and we want the roommate pod to come on. We might be drunk as well. That's another.

Yeah. So, any Peeves rocking you lately? Oh yeah, I wrote a bunch down actually. Let me pull those puppies up. I should probably check them out. Yeah, Peeves. I watched The Searchers. You ever watch that?

John Ford? John Ford, John Wayne. Yeah. I watched The Searchers. You ever watch that? John Ford? John Ford, John Wayne. I'd never seen it. It's known as like the fourth greatest movie of all time. Really? I said, it's in there, yeah. A.F.I. It's a classic, yeah. And I just said, I gotta do it. And it's pretty great. Yeah, I haven't seen it in forever, but I remember, I mean, yeah, that's like iconic. Iconic, never seen it.

Stalpings and everything crazy shit I mean John it's like the woman's hysterical the slapping. It's all the classic shit a Woman gets killed and they and she's like tucked away under this house and the guys like I gotta see her I gotta see her and he goes shut up But it's the kind of guy you're like the guys are sad you've punched him out But yeah fun fun very toxic male good time Wow That'll be the day

I'll tell you that partner. I don't think so the voice is great looking at a young Natalie wood has the squaw Is squaw offensive? I don't know I don't know either. She was uh she was a dime. She was a dime She got probably killed by Robert Wagner Yeah, well he dodged that bullet didn't he? Bad people live forever. He's hanging on Him Harvey's off now. That's no bueno, but you know, you know, I thought he was faking the injury But he walked out of there in a walker. I'm like this guy's committing He's in the hospital now. Yeah He's gonna have to go through another trial, but he's gonna be a free man. I guess you think

Isn't it that is that the end of this damn? I wonder what he's got left he must have made so much money. Oh, yeah, I think it's still coming in the mailbox money Damn, yeah, Jules. Yeah, he looks different. He's one of those dudes. It's like man. You realize some some dudes need that weight Yeah, older and you become fra, you realize some dudes need that weight. Yes. When you're older and you become frail. You get that gaunt look. You know what's gotta be the worst part about Harvey in jail is every inmate coming up to you going, I got an idea for a movie.

He's like, no, no, just rape me, please. Rape me in the shower. I don't want to hear about another one of your dramas. All right, hold on. Searchers, I was just reading, I read that Orson Welles book all the time and he was saying he hates it. I forgot why he said he hates it.

Really? Yeah, he fucking hated everybody. Yeah. By the way, I got a rec. Check out Orson Welles on Dick Cavett. It's like an hour interview. It's un-fucking-believable. Like the stories, he knew Hitler.

What? He met Hitler, he didn't know him. What? But he knew FDR and Churchill they knew him we played the the Churchill yeah yeah but like oh my god he was a kid I guess he had this weird kind of privileged life semi-privilege but like it's also hilarious he's from Kenosha and he speaks like that way I know I know but yeah he said I met Hitler when I was very young and I was deeply unimpressed he was a dull man I'm like it's just a hilarious way to describe Hitler.

He didn't leave an impression. Wow, that's, man, he is a character. By the way, I always say Dick Cavett, that was the original podcast. Dude, he's great. He's great. He has a couple, like his prior interview's brutal. Yeah, well, prior was tough.

No, he was tough. It was like he was coming off corny and stuff too. Oh, okay. But Cavett's great. He's great, he's got Groucho, he's got Cosby, he's got John Lennon. Rickles. Rickles, yeah corny and stuff. Okay, but cabbage great. He's great. He's got groucho He's got Cosby. He's got John Lennon's Rickles. Yeah, he's got every great. All right Here's your peeve. How about this guy the guy who keeps disciplining you after it's already happened and you're like I got it so I had the thing where I

Was on a flight and it was hot as shit on the plane. I had a jacket on. So it was like about to take off. So I just stood up real quick, opened it, put the jacket in and the guy comes up and he's like, you can't stand up. And I go, won't happen again. Did the jacket. That's the only reason I did it.

I got it. I know the rules. And he goes, you just can't stand up when we're about to take off. And I go, I'm aware. It's over. And he just kept going I'm like I don't know what else to do I've absorbed the information it's not gonna happen again the jackets up how long are we gonna go down this lap of bullshit power trip I

guess so yeah it's like you and also the fact that you said I know the rules I'm sorry it's like I we've all been there yeah they just can't help it can't help it like what are you a girlfriend? But like I It already happened so it's done so like there's nothing to talk about but yeah, that's annoying We don't do the other the couple laps around discipline bar more thing with like I was like They took it on the ground forever You know sometimes you know you just you're bored and you it's like an hour 20 sometimes before you take off and you're like I really got a pee yeah Coffee I know and I hit you right then and we're in the air, but I guess we weren't perfect high

But it was it was level yeah, and she's like you're not supposed. I'm like I'm sorry I have to pee yeah, I know it feels like school again. Hey, it's not pee time like It's weird. I take a nap. Yeah, I have a juice. Yeah It is school time. Holy school. I had a bit about it and it did okay Yeah, you know it's like you got to be on time sit down and the the pilots the principal like you don't want it You don't talk to the pilot. I'll go in there. I'll tell the pilot Remember Greg Geraldo's joke about how he was, there was some wake up signs with his drinking, he goes, I was too drunk to get on a flight.

He's like, you know how fucked up you have to be for them to be like, I'm sorry, so you don't look like you can sit. Yeah, you're too drunk to sit. You're too drunk to sit. That's one of the best fucking jokes. That's a great line. All right, I got another one.

Hit me. I don't want to step on yours. Okay. You go. Oh, you want me to go? Well, I went already, I feel bad. All right, let's see what I got for some fucking peeves. Oh, you know what?

We don't do this a lot. Hit me, baby. Shout outs. Like the opposite of a peeve, a thing I like. Yeah. You know, I'll be a little positive. We had the toast thing for a minute, but it faded. Let's do the toast.

Let's do the toast. Let's call it the toast. All right, a toast to this. I ran into a guy I don't love and I don't think he likes me that much either. And I definitely saw him, I think he saw me. But we both pretended we didn't, we just kept going. Yeah.

A toast to just avoiding a pointless stop and chat. Love it, cause it's gonna be awkward, you both don't wanna do it, why do it? Yeah, I was just like, I don't wanna. I love it, but that's big usually one of you is like weak enough to be like How are you yes, but we both were like fuck you. That's it in a calm way. It's a beautiful thing It is it's it's a it's the only thing you guys can agree on is that we don't want to talk to each other The only thing we have in common is we don't like each other. Yeah, it's a nice thing Yeah, I saw Davido in the park. He saw me, I saw him. We both had the

headphones in and we both went and I was like alright that was a good, that was a mutual we want to talk to each other. He's the best though. He's the best. Told you guys, I told you guys you were doing Kentucky. Yeah. That's a great room. I need a good friend there and it's like I usually have Vito but I'm, who is gonna be nice if I got you drinks with me in Kentucky? Get some good fucking bourbon. Get some bourbon, and DeVito can like work bits. I love it, so yeah, Vito's great at that too. That's true. Yeah, DeVito's the man.

He's the man. I got another toast. Okay. A waitress who calls you hun. Oh. I love a hun. I love a hun, and I'll take a sugar as well. Oh, it's the best. Hun is big. Or a Greek man, and a dino goes'll take a sugar as well. Oh, it's the best. Hun is big. Or a Greek man in a diner goes,

they make it just the way you like it. Yeah, his version of hun is my friend. How you like it, my friend? Come over here, my friend. We have a table for you, my friend. My friend is great. Yeah, hun is big. Southern, they'd say, how you doing, sugar?

That was nice. Yeah, hun is big. Love hun, which women don't like hun Yeah, it's funny how the tables are like you're like, hey sweetheart. They're like don't go with sweetheart No, which I've never called a woman an older guy an old guy can do it. That's true. That's true. Hey you doing sweetheart That's okay. That's our voice is like, hey sweetheart. Yeah, it's a little kind of sinning. All right, sweetie Easy sweetie It's a whole kind of sinning all right, sweetie Easy, sweetie the best was Geraldo's he sees a female pilot he goes you gonna be able to handle that buttercup Buttercup oh my god. That's like a name of a horse or something all right. I got one

How about this guy this was a peeve this got ugly did a guy's podcast I hope he never hears this and he goes so what kind of what movies do you like and you're on the spot? So you're like, I like this movie. I like that I'm much to the rattle off ten movies eight movies and he goes what else and I'm like, I like this movie that movie goes Oh, yeah, what else you like? I'm like, I'm giving you 17 movies. I can't keep Can we focus on the 17? Are we gonna do a deep dive on any of these? You want me to just name words? So now I'm like up against you. I'm like he needs more And I feel bad saying I don't know or feel bad not playing along and yes anding but you're like I'm out

What movies did you hit him with? I gave him all the good ones, you know, all the you know Hey, I like Goodfellas. I like Cool Hand Luke. I like Like life is beautiful. I like something about Luke, I like... What else, what else, more, give me more. I like Life is Beautiful, I like Something About Mary, I like... We got the same taste. Fargo, I like No Country. Was it a movie pod? No, not even, I think he was...

This is almost a movie pod. That's true. We're like movie pod adjacent. Yeah, comedy, movie, drink. Yeah. Comedians in cars drinking. Oh, that's a fun show, comedians in cars drinking. Mark Norman that's a fun show. Comedians in cars drinking. Mark Norman teaching Sam how to drive while they drink.

That's the shit. That's not bad. But yeah, so it was just annoying when you're like, I'm trying to go along, but I think he was just like filling air. He was just like, oh, what else? You keep talking. You know, elaborate. I hear that. Let me see what else. I had some others

Yeah, I think the peeve is also You got invited on a podcast and this guy's like you do all the work I bet that you carry because I think you're fucking tired. Yeah, I think you're right there I think when we have a guest on like we try to be engaging me Yeah, like we'll try to feed their energy, but that's a lot of podcasts Like you just show up and they're like so what else? I know it's okay. I don't know let me try to riff up Towers totally and how about this move this guy who tries to fool you they some guys got one episode of a pod it has three views

No one's heard of it, and he goes. Oh you got a special coming out you want to come promote it on my pod I'm like I'm promoting your pod. You're not promoting my promoting my special I'm gonna I'm gonna put a name on hopefully Jerry stop listening we'll do more than tonight sure Jerry I swear to God and it'll be more interesting I know you mean if you want by the way he ripped that I don't know if you saw a tonight show he was just ripping he was just comfortable and he like took over and was doing bits, it was great. He's in the zone with the promo. Yeah, he's on a real promo tour, man.

Unfrosted, May 3rd. Come on, Jerry. That's way old right now. Yeah, that's way old. What do I got, I gotta pee if, ooh. I don't know why this bothers me, but the big headphone guys walking the streets of New York. Interesting.

There's certain shit, New York City, you need to hear certain shit. Yeah. I understand the little, even the little ones, sometimes I don't hear shit and I'm like, what am I doing? But I saw a guy with the giant headphones. Sometimes you gotta hear, get out of the way. You gotta hear a honking horn. Yeah. Because the people that are using this, they're like checking their phone.

I'm like, oh, so you have no senses? No senses, except smell. Smell. Let's say he throws a mask on. But smell doesn't, smell doesn't save your life. True. they're using this, they're checking their phone, I'm like, oh, so you have no senses? No senses, except smell. Smell. Let's say he throws a mask on them. But smell doesn't save your life. True. No one's like, look out for that smell.

You know? I mean. Unless it's gas. I'm guilty of this a little bit, but I was using the little headphones, the AirPod headphones, but they still block out a lot of noise. Yeah, noise cancel.

So I'm walking home from the cellar, and I hear a crazy guy, but I'm like, eh, whatever, I'm not really paying attention, I'm just listening to a song. I'm doing what I'm shitting on this guy for, but with the big wave, I don't hear nothing. Nothing. So I hear it a little, I'm like,

eh, it's probably nothing. I walk by, I literally am not paying attention enough that I walk down a dark alley. Oh. And it's me and the guy. No way. Yeah, because I was like, oh fuck, he's like crazy, he's like screaming, I'm like, I thought it was coming from there, but it's coming from,

I think it was just coming from far. That's like a commercial. Yeah, it wasn't good. Great ad. Yeah, no. You guys should start making out. Ali. Damn, yeah, that's a good one. The big ad, sometimes you're like, all right, dude. It's almost like they're telling the world like, don't even come near me, don't talk to me, I don't give a fuck about any of you guys. That's I think that's what they're doing. Yeah, totally That's why they're gonna get lights. Yes flights are great. Yeah, you get the big head on their flight I get you but I borrowed my friends for a flight and they're so big you can actually use them to kind of sleep You can kind of like prop your head side. Yeah, pretty good. It's almost like having a neck pillow Yeah, why don't they put little cushions on the side of them? Yeah.

You put them on? Yeah, that's true. Because sometimes you do it for the noise. I feel like earplugs don't do shit. No, they really don't. The little foam ones? What do they do? I snore, so I got the wife a pair of those. And she was like, does it snore?

Oh my god, I snore like a wild beast. Does she tape you doing it? Yeah, it's embarrassing. When she plays that the next day, I'm like'm like oh I would have stabbed me with a knife so yeah bad snore I tried on someone had the like the Apple headphones the big ones they're fucking amazing yeah yeah those are comfy they wow look at that they really work well yeah this is a sleep mask headphone how much is it cushion thing man that's 143 bucks I mean if it works that's a it's not bad I can see you with

that yeah I don't you know what I would do though I'll do on the flight sometimes I just put the headphones in but I put on like the fan mmm like an app just like a noise thing just so I don't hear too much noise but well it's funny because when you when you're on a flight and you take those off, I feel like there used to be more good docs on the streamers. I feel like all the good docs are on YouTube. Good point. And I was just throwing on random PBS docs,

and there was one on Stonewall, the riots. Oh wow. It's fucking great. Really? Yeah, it's about the gay dudes in the 60s in New York, and how fucked up their lives were, and just like, just gay dudes riding against cops and winning it's fucking insane yeah I watched that it was pretty cool I and I like old New York stuff that's why I

love that stuff yeah just like history it's just cool that's really cool they have a lot of cool stuff on em you're like man fucking life was bad for gay dudes I know and the gay guys were so much tougher then oh my god they're more shredded now though that's's true. That's true But yeah, everyone was tougher than everyone was tougher than yeah I mean they you just had to be because you were like you didn't mean you didn't you didn't survive you know yeah Wow yeah, I'll watch cuz I watched Paris is burning which is I heard that's amazing. It's incredible, but it's it's dark It's like I gotta watch that that's one of Salak use his faves. Yeah, no fucking Salak use this week

I know I know it's nice I will watch I watch the thin red thin blue line one of the best ever arrow Morris, right? Isn't that who made it? Yes, one of the best fuck one of the like and it sneaks up on you. Yeah Fucking brilliant. It's so well done. it's like the template for every modern true crime. They started everything. It's so dark and yeah that guy just got away with murder right? I mean he just... Yeah, yeah and it's crazy because it's like... Oh but it's worth it for people to watch. Oh geez. Well it's so different just watching because the guy's driving he's like I drove from Ohio to Dallas got a job at a coffee shop was driving around ran out of gas some dude picked me up we went and saw a movie

then we had a few beers and you're like oh man that's how people were they just kind of went with the flow like imagine meeting a guy who picks you up for gas and go to see a movie with him you would never do that and the kid was 16 but it was just life was just kind of fleeting and meaningless and there was no internet or anything. So you're just like, I'll hang out with this guy now. Especially like really small town life. You're like, yeah, you're right.

You just go with the flow, man. Totally. So that's how I think about like New York back in this dock, they're like, Times Square was like the dirty areas. Literally a movie street in every block. That's like, gay dudes were hanging down all the way downtown or like,

you know, you could see movies and stuff. But it's crazy. I think about just like, think about being young and trying to hook up with a girl. Yeah. Like, I've gotten blown in a taxi cab. Oh yeah, same. Too young, like, you know, your parents are home. What are you gonna do? Right, right.

And like being gay doing that, that's like a fucking crime that could ruin your life. Crazy. That could, it could be, I remember I got blown in a phone booth once yeah and this is how time changed a gay dude walked by he goes oh that's nice I was like 16 he was just jealous it wasn't gross yeah must be nice I got blown in the cab once in one of those van cabs and then the guy flipped he was like get the fuck out my friend yeah yeah he was a kick he like pulled me out I was like oh you know he pulled me up on my arm he did not he wasn't having that he pulled you out yeah and the girl was like, jeez. Yeah, it was wild.

I was like, at least I'll be finished. I'll tip, I'll tip. She'll tip. Yeah, I was on a date with a girl. I was on a date with a girl once. You just get fucked up and you don't think. It's just, you're just like, oh, I'm hammered. I'll just take my penis out.

Yeah, and you're making out in the bar. So it just kind of leads to it. Yeah, and they usually, I wasn't just like whipping it out. They usually do it and you're like, all right, this chick's kinky. I making out in the bar. So it just kind of leads to it Yeah, and they usually do like I wasn't just like whipping it out They usually do it and you're like, all right, this chicks kinky. I'll go with the flow. Yeah but I hooked up with a lawyer once and we're in like a company car, I was young and We're going she's like we're going back to my place. She's pulling the whole like I might come up I might not and I'm just like, all right, you know And then she's driving me back and then while we're in the car

She just takes my penis down so jerking me off and the driver just is looking Ah, it's like this is the worst episode of taxi cab confessions No, but I was just like, all right, and he goes there's a person driving this car. I'm like, I know I'm sorry He said that yeah, I was like still hard. Sorry. Oh, that's awkward. She came up. She came upstairs She came up, but she didn't never came Yeah, the worst part about getting blown cuz I've had blowjobs and calves where he didn't get mad But now I'm like looking at the guy so now I'm making eye contact With an old man while I'm getting blown so I'm like that's the only way you can come

with an old man while I'm getting blown. So I'm like. Now that's the only way you can come. Yeah, so I'm looking at this guy's twinkle and there's a lot going on between our eyes. Like is he mad, is he not mad, is he turned on, does he hate me, does he like me? So yeah, that's too much. Just looking at the fare go up and up,

you're like ugh, this is one pricey beach. Yeah, right, right. Woo, I'm getting gouged. Yeah, that was the days of the Wild West. Because in an Uber, it crushes your rating. I mean, you could get in a lot of trouble. Oh, yeah. Maybe you could get kicked off Uber for that.

I always say ratings of the death. Like, dating apps, once those get ratings, it's over. Oof, that's gonna, well, you can't do ratings on that, though, because, I mean, I guess you could, but boring people will get, Well, you can't do ratings on that though, because I mean I guess you could but Boring people will get they'll get high school high ratings. Oh Interesting because they won't leave a bad impression. Look. Oh, he was nice. He was just boring, but people taking swings Yeah, good point one point five. Yeah. Also, what if you're just not compatible? We've all had that thing. Yeah, true, true. Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

They don't have ratings. And what if the woman is just mad? Like, oh, he didn't, like, take me, he didn't offer me, he didn't pay, fuck this guy. He might be a nice guy, he just didn't happen to pay or something. But that is, if you do a rating, that's part, I guess anything's part of it. I guess it's all fair game. So yeah, bad idea. But also women would care about the ratings, guys wouldn't give a fuck. They still go with the photo.

Photo, all day. That's true. It'd be a guy who's like a 5.0, 3,000 rating. Yeah. You know, women are like, all right, I'll. There you go. What's that? Uber makes it clear you can't have sex in an Uber.

Ah, these poor kids today. That's why you gotta go Lyft. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Lyft'll do it. If you haven't gotten dad a Father's Day gift yet, you need to listen up. Manscaped has what he needs to get the job done and trim the neck beard with the Beard Hedger Pro Kit.

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Never forget where you came from if you know what I mean. I'm not sure I do. Happy Father's Day from Manscaped! Yeah, it came from your dad's balls. Lift your spear. What do they say about no sex in an Uber? Uber's troubling history with sexual assault. So they got...

Yeah, unless you're the driver and it's unconsensual, you can't have sex in an Uber. They don't do shit, by the way. Nikki Glaser was taking an Uber and the driver just whipped his dick out on her. No way. Really? She posted it, like, I'm disgusted. Yeah, it's like, an Uber doesn't do shit. Nikki's fucking famous. Yeah, and it's a rating review like you think that would be pretty bad PR for uber but of course Wow They'll hire fucking anybody we got to talk about that when she comes on. Yeah, uh-huh

Damn, we should talk about that see that was it's like your bit. This is why that's a great bit because the uber It I like the mats going to her site like this gonna have more More on the dick in the uber right here. Well the uber knows too much And you know to the cab was like it was like a one-night stand. We'll never talk again We'll never see each other again. I'm gonna fart in here. I was my oldie. Yeah, you get it I was an old bit you get it on speakerphone They're talking speakerphone you're eating Caribbean street food in the back. You're both drunk.

That was the old, yeah. It's an old bit. That's a great bit. I love jokes like that where you can break some two things, two things down. You're comparing two things and I had a bit about how, when I was getting cigarettes were normal and weed was crazy and now weed's crazy and cigarettes are normal.

Those are my favorite kind of jokes. Oh, you mean the other way around. Now weed's normal, cigarettes sorry? That's what yeah, so yeah, that's a good observation That's fun. Yeah, I mean it's it is weird like cigarettes I feel like everyone and when I was getting every mom was smoking. I'm in the car I was like oh god my clothes smelled horrible, and then weed was like he has marijuana He's a pothead look It was look up reefer madness Yeah, exactly like a guy who smokes weed and shoots up a school or something dudes went to jail for having a roach in their Astray we got drug tests in my high school. It was like weed was weed was weed was bad and now what I mean

Arthritis glaucoma, you know bad vision joints. Well, nothing will make kids want to not do a drug like seeing an old lady with it It doesn't look fun. That's true. Yeah, good point you want it you want a drug that you're like this is dangerous This is date, but not too dangerous. I don't fucking die, but we never got the weed or we never get the cigarette gummies That never happens. Those are the worst gummies. There's like nicotine. Oh Oh we got nicotine gum. That's a better point. Which have you tried nicotine? Have you tried these Zins? All the kids are doing? Zin is like taken over. It's like the Taylor Swift for men. I tried one and I was like it's too much because I'm so lightweight when it comes to nicotine

that I couldn't do it I had a friend I mean Julian Edelman my buddy the Football players like always dipping and shit. Yeah, it's athletes dip dude. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, love dipping lung quits was doing it. You saw that shit They fucking dip when you get a high you get a buzz, you know, and it's like a good buzz It's like I guess it's not like fucking with your body the way I use would be Well, we'll do protect our parks and Shane's kind of sitting there And he'll put us in and he's like oh, so I was on the road the other night. You're like. Oh, man

It works. It's like up on it though. I tried. I didn't like it. It was too much I was like I got a hit with nicotine, and I was like I can't handle it man Shane is not a healthy man Like 25 beers, and beers and then he just pops other shit while he's doing it. He'll eat up baggage rooms, he'll do anything. He'll do Molly, but he got a physical recently and I was like, how was he? He was like, weirdly I'm fine, so.

Yeah, but it's not good when you start with weirdly. It's not when like, you know, the doctor's like, this is gonna blow your mind, but you're not dying. Yeah, I'm as shocked as you are. 40 years of medicine, never seen anything like it. Yeah. He's an anomaly, but yeah, I think he's so big too, that like we forget you can take more in,

but maybe it'll catch up, I don't know. Maybe the hurt's still going. I know, well he's drinking less I think, but I mean, holy sh- Not when I was around. Man, I was blackout drunk. I tell you this, I saw Nordin at the cellar- Did I say this last week? I saw Nordin at the cellar and uh,

Nordin's like, man, thank you for that amazingly kind message. You and Burt left me and I go, I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, that's great. I'm black the fuck out. That's great. Hey, that's a. I blacked the fuck out. That's great. Well, hey, that's a good sign for you as a drunk though. That's why I still drink. Yeah.

I'm a very nice drunk. Yeah, most guys are getting drunk, they're outside the racks. Fuck you, bitch. You're outside the window. Well, there's certain exes that might still do that too. I think, I don't know if I'm a nice drunk, I think I'm just, it's a more heightened version of who you are. Yeah, yeah. So like, I'm not gonna, like I love you,

I get drunk, I'm gonna be fucking nice to you. You know, my friends who I love, I love, you know? But if I don't like you, yeah, I don't think I'm gonna fake it when I'm drunk. Yeah, yeah, good point. But some people, I guess they're hiding, they're bottling up some darkness, because that shit, when they get drunk it comes out

Yeah, we've all seen that shit. Is this anything here? I was at a pharmacy and I had to get pills and The pharmacist is covered in tats like up to here Oh got face piercings everywhere and I'm like, I don't mean be a dick, but how did you get the handling pills job? You know what I mean? Like I go to the gun range. I don't want the safety expert to be a teen with a bowl cut That's great. I need one more thing there, but there's something to that. Yeah. Yeah, that's really good. I like that. Huh? Yeah, you don't want the you know what the moil to be the guy with the Parkinson's or something. Edward Scissorhands? Yeah Yeah, something it's gotta be something like better like you bank teller with a ski mask that's not it but like something more like obvious like...

Yeah. Fuck. I don't know I stink bro. No, no that's a great bit. That's a great... the bowl cut is funny. The bowl cut. Well Matt Ruby speaking of Jews complaining has that great bit about he's like you never see Jewish superheroes but our ultimate superheroes Goldilocks going into houses be like too hot not comfortable too cold yeah like that's a great pull. That's a good it's a good observation. Goldilocks. That's fucking funny. Yeah. What uh yeah you got any other bits you're working on yeah, I got a bit hold on

Let me pull this puppy up just so I don't fuck it up. Let's do some bits, baby do some bits Did I ever do okay Trying to do a bit about drunk, like a observational chunk on drunk driving. So I do this whole thing, I'm like, I used to have a real problem, we'd play these crazy drinking games, drunk driving, if you kill somebody you lose. That was the whole thing. Let's kill it. So that hits, and then I'm like, and you youngsters, you got Uber now. Back in my day, we had a

white knuckle it. Like that was part of drinking, was like getting back home. And then I'm like and you youngsters you got uber now back in my day we had a white knuckle it like that was part of drinking was like getting back home and then I do all these things like boom hope that was a mailbox you know then you got a cub scout uniform in your bumper blah blah blah and I got I break the whole thing down like it's a crazy system a hundred fifty people drive to a bar chug whiskey for five hours, the bartender says, you gotta go, and we all just get back in our car. Great, love this. But I don't know how to really make that funny, so all I'm saying is like, you get back in

your car and you go, we'll see, and that kinda hits. I think the angle is like, I say we start filming shit like this, it's like Formula One but everyone's fucking wasted. Hey, that's good. That could be kinda funny. That's good, yeah. And also the residents of the city are just like, I just happen to be driving so now my life is in danger against 150 shithouse people.

I thought about that all the time, like you leave a gig and they're like, yeah, everyone's gonna be, and like we're sober, we just performed. Yeah! And we're trying to get home and everyone on the road is just like, that guy's wasted. That's a good point and not only they wasted they had to buy drinks. It was forced two drinks at least. Yeah. But then the part

that's really hitting is uh I talk about Uber is like it saved so many lives but they don't get the credit like the Uber shows up the ambulance shows up after the accident the Uber shows up before the accident so the Uber is the real hero but he doesn't look like a hero. Because the ambulance is like, live dammit, live, clear! And Uber's like, you puking here, you get fined! And that's killing. That's good. And then I'm like, they've saved all of our lives, and how do we thank them? Five stars, no tip! So I got some skeleton.

That's good. Yeah, puking in the car, fuck, what a bad... I know, we puked in their car and without them we might have died. There used to be a fine in cabs. It was like, I don't know how they got you back in the day before credit cards either. Yeah. Because you used to just pay cash for cabs. You puking in the cab.

Look up what a fine. Oh yeah, that's a good point. I don't know how they fucking got you. How'd they get you? They must have driven you to a fucking bank or something. Yeah, that's true. What a shitty night for a cab. Oh, yeah, and you got to take that to get it All right, but you think there's something with all the people leaving the bar. Oh, yeah, we get everyone fucked up I love the idea that

The crazy soo brews don't get any credit is good. They really don't yeah cuz they it didn't happen yet So it's like this pre life safe brews Ubers and ambulances I'm thinking of like the similarities here like you know both dealing with drunks yeah Ubers prevent it's almost like that movie a minority report pre-crime remember they stopped the crime before it happens great flick. Yeah Spielberg I think that's a Bradbury Ray Bradbury book Maybe maybe wrong feels like it could be it feels like yeah that futuristic type Yeah, but they stopped the crime before it happened. That's what uber does

And they get no credit because you don't know if the crime would have happened only $75 vomit fee for cap that's fine Is that out the window? I know, right? That's not right. I will say cabs, most cabs are like that weird kind of plastic inside where they can hose it out. Come on though.

Yeah, that's true. There's something about, I'm trying to think of cops for Uber showing up. Yeah. And then I say now the new problem is texting and driving. The other day I was texting, I'm guilty of it, I was like, dude, I'm so fucking hammered. That kills, that's like the little button on it.

That's good. But all this took so long to come up with and it's still not where I want it, so I'm just gonna keep tinkering. It's also interesting, like you get an ambulance, that's like about $1,000. Oh! Uber's 20 bucks. That's good, that's good's also interesting like you get an ambulance. That's like what a thousand dollars. Oh It was 20 bucks. That's good. That's good. And he saved you from the ambulance Yeah, he saved you and you're still paying third of the price

That's good. I wonder if there's gonna get to like we're gonna do a point with uber where they're gonna be like are you drunk? Yeah, what if we're going to get there. Yeah. I think they just assume in certain cities if it's after 11 or 10. Right. And also maybe there's something to the ambulance like, a thousand bucks, damn. But at least I'm alive. Uber's like, they're fucking surging. That guy's a crook.

But he still saved your life. But he's a crook. He charged $10 more. Because when you get away with it, you never are grateful. Never are grateful. You make the life change when you don you get away with it, you never are grateful. Never are grateful. You make the life change when you don't get away with it. Yes, and I looked it up. Cities have lost hundreds of thousands of dollars

in DUI payments because of Uber. Uber has gotten so many people home drunk that they lost all the DUI money. So cities are actually losing money on Uber. So they're pissed. So I guess they're pissed. It's amazing that you're like, not enough people are drinking and driving. I know, I know.

The city's crumbling. That was keeping us afloat. Who knew? Where all we do is like, drink responsibly, don't get on the road. But if you do, we're going to take your money. It is a rich, rich premise. There's a lot here.

There's a lot here. I like it, man. All right, thanks. I'm going to be posting on this. Really new. That's one of those, you get to work on an hour, you can throw that in and kind of play with it. There's a lot here. There's a lot here. I like it, man. All right, thanks. I'm gonna be posting on this. Really new, that's one of those, you get to work on an hour, you can throw that in and kind of play with it.

You have a little more leeway. You can't do that at the cellar. I love it. Yeah, I need more of those, man. I need to get back out there. I'm trying to write, but it's coming a little more slowly at the cellar. The money's good. The money, an ambulance is a thousand, that's a good angle.

Yeah. I had something that I said to Stav recently that he was like, that's something. And we were just, I think it was actually on his pod, but it was something about like how like women, like with movies, they have this fake idea of what romance is, you know? But I feel like men, we do that with our father in movies. Oh, interesting. You know what I mean? Like women are like, I'm gonna meet Mr. Right,

and men are like, someday my dad's gonna come back to life and play catch with me. You know what I mean? That's not it, but it's something like that. I just have my whole thing about how movies are bullshit, and maybe this generation won't even get that as much, but for us growing up, everything was a certain way. Yeah, totally. the the male father

son shit movies it's like it's so in us I think yeah true I've heard the angle of women like movies with romance men like porn with sex yeah but this is totally different totally different but yeah true the deads came off as like deads home he's got a suit and tie on you run of the door that kind of over I had a whole thing about just movies being like in every movie for some reason the barber and the guy getting the haircut are like best friends yeah they're just talking the whole time I've never said a word right always like an Eastern European guy who's like good I'm like good I'm like that's it yeah I mean you look back at like any Jimmy Stewart movies walking on the street like hey Roger

He's like how do you do mailman do to the truck milk man goes by this business. Let me try different What do I have oh I saw a headline that try this one last I can never know which ones I tried because I have him on a file I saw a headline coug I try this one last? I can never know which ones I tried because I haven't been on a file. I saw a headline Cougars in the Classroom, the alarming teachers are raping young boys in America. I'm like if they really are predators, I mean like you know it's not nearly as bad

when women are doing it. I've never seen the headline, Silver Fox Priest Strikes Again. That's great, that's great. I need like one more, they're gonna keep like you know like stylish billionaire owns owns entire sex island. Yeah, I Need something out. That's not maybe the second one, but oh DILF pediatrician at it again Cuz it's Larry Nassar was always in there. You know there's always a pediatrician Pediatricians the pediatrician that's fucking great

Still if dr. Dylf, Dr. Dylf, that's a great cougar. They're calling her a cougar, which is a compliment. I know. That's hilarious, cougar teachers. Cougars. Cougars, funny too, because it could be the mascot of the school. Just a bunch of hot 42-year-old women with fake tits.

How about that woman? There was that like a woman in Canada with the giant or maybe it was a... Oh yeah, that was fake. Yeah, that was crazy. That was a troll. Oh, it was fake? Yeah, it was a guy because he was getting mad about the like the LGBTQ and like the trans stuff. So it was a fake? So he's like, alright, anybody be a woman, I'll get gigantic tits. He looks like Tim Dillon. I've seen this guy. He's, I I think he's gotten him removed since, but he really made a splash. I mean look at this. He's a shop teacher. This is around bandsaws and shit.

Oh, he looks normal there. Oh, that's the guy, yeah. Well, he looks better in the vest. Not as good there. But the commitment to the trolling is unbelievable. It's next level. Those are some real honkers with the nips and everything. Yeah, buddy.

And no moomoo either. We're going halter top. Man, big cans in the street these days, it's fun. It's wild. A lot of big boobs out. I know, and I had no idea. What do you mean? Like with the big hoodies and the jean jackets and the winter, you don't even know these

gals are running around. It's funny like when you see the woman, when you see more of the body, they're so much hotter than they were just, like it adds like 8% hotness. It does. Maybe 20%. It's like when you see a guy like, that's a regular guy, oh you know he's a hedge fund billionaire, he's hotter. Right.

You know? For us the job doesn't matter. Yeah, you know. Just the body. Which is I guess offensive but also a perk. For women body of work, for men body. Oooh, you gotta trademark that. Body body of work

That's good even anything well the cool thing about women is they'll be like who's this guy Jeff? What's his deal? He's actually the head pink peop- he's got the gold medal in ping-pong in the Olympics hotter Just anything you're pong you think's good. I think you think that's getting some V's. I think oh yeah game ping pong? These gamer kids, these nerdy Asian guys are getting crazy poon So funny Yeah, cause if you're the best at your field or you're good at something Even a magician, a good magician gets laid That guy's banging a playmate, what does he do? Bumper pool

Crazy Ski ball Jeff over here I beat Call of Duty And I tapped that beat Call of Duty yeah and I tap that ass yeah Call of Booty twitch streamers are making dough oh yeah it's funny I was talking to someone who said they have like at colleges they have like gaming halls I believe it it's huge huge e-gaming all right another bit I'm throwing at you though tell me this is hacky and I'll get rid of it but but it's close. I saw this whole article about how

Teenage boys aren't having sex. They're like not even interested in sex is all they do is play video games they literally play for like 20 hours a day and I thought that's weird because the Vagina was the original video game console. I mean you got excited to play it you ran home used your fingers You had to learn about it. Yeah, you got mad when your friend beat it. Yeah, you know you had to when the new one came out you wanted that one It's not working you blow on it Yeah, is that still whole water do people know about that I have probably not But I think there's something there.

I think there's something there. It's hitting, but it needs more. But yeah, the vagina. The vagina was the original video game. Then I. You asked your friends, do you know any secret codes? Oh yeah. I thought of a tag could be,

how do you get so many video games? I use a cheat code, money. Yeah. Some kind of cheat code joke. Something like that, cheat code's funny. I spin it all off into this thing. Like, we should just make video code Joe like that cheat codes funny I Spin it all off into this thing like if we should just make video games for men that are helpful Like I need a video game on how to argue with my wife and win, you know, I call it wife beater You know, do I look fat in this up down up down left right? That whole thing and then she's like who is that girl you were texting uppercut

That whole thing and then she's like who's that girl you were texting uppercut That's funny so that part's already working. I just trying to make them up for cut uppercuts great Specific always I know and you can picture the punch isn't funny uppercut is funny uppercuts funny Is your picturing like sub-zero? Yes Street Fighter? Yeah, yeah, so Just trying to get just trying to connect. That's the thing about like, I got a decent 35-40 but you're just trying to perfect everything, you know, as you go along. Yeah, I used to have a bit where it was like every mass shooter's like I heard voices in my head. I'm like yeah, you're not supposed to listen to those. Like, you know what I mean? Like, if I listened to a voice in my head, I'm like, yeah, you're not supposed to listen to those, like, you know what I mean? Like, if I listened to every voice in my head, I'd be a gay, sometimes gay street fighter.

Oh yeah. And then the tag was like, is E. Honda butt fucking me? Sounds like the worst video game ever. See, E. Honda is so much funnier than some guy. That was an oldie, I just misdelivered it, it's that old. But uh. E. Honda, wow. Old school street fighting, made me think of that shit. Yeah

There was always that one kid who knew all the buttons. I fucking hated that hated that I was never good at the fighting games I was okay at the sports games, but the fighting ones and the first-person shooters. I was never good. Did you play NBA Jam? I love NBA love NBA Jam my girlfriend's got the arcade set about That's a keeper. Yeah yeah Starks and Ewing baby that's those are my guys. Wow. That game fucking rules. You walk in she walks into your place you have an Oscar or something a Grammy that's a turn-on. You walk into hers and she's got a fucking NBA Jam arcade that's a turn-on. Dudes liking women who like guy shit is a turn-on. Totally

totally. Because now if you watch on totally totally it's not because now if you watch sports with us it's not a favor right like I've dated the girls were like I've bought the tickets we go to a game and they're just like this the whole time I'm like it's just expensive I could have brought someone who would have had a good time I know I bring my guy friend he's like thank you so much yeah this was awesome exactly her she's just like angry I know I know but then if you don't invite her They're mad about that. Yeah, that happened to my friend. He got tickets to the Super Bowl

He brought three friends and his wife was like, you don't bring me to the Super Bowl He's like you hate football. You've never liked football. You would have ruined the whole thing and she was like, you're right You're right, but it's the invite they want not the actual yeah Well, it's also the idea of you having fun without them. I think there's some part of some part of them It's like definitely you have more fun without me. I think there's some part of them that's like, you have more fun without me? Games, yes I do. Yes. And at sporting, not always, but at sporting events you're damn right I do. Sporty events, parties, comedy shows. Alright fine, it's more fun with you. Yeah, the list goes on. But yeah, well it's like that Patrice joke,

no one's ever said, you know what would make this party better my girlfriend I'm sure women fucking hate that joke It's funny cuz it's that's what you're not supposed to say your guy friends. Yeah, Shane has that joke and especially He's like I don't hang out with a lot of women. I like to have a good time Yeah, it's it hits home. Yeah, but yeah I It's it's home. Yeah, but yeah I Think there's when women come it's like okay. What's it the girls like I want to go to the strip club with you Well guess what that ruins the strip club of course yeah You come to the sporting event if you like it if like you want to get into it

I love that yeah, if you're like, but I've been with like multiple I've had girls the past like they come and they're just like, I don't give a shit. Sure, I get it. And then on the flip side, when they go, me and the girls are going whatever, you're like, great. And they're like, you don't wanna come? I'm like, no, why would I wanna do that? Oh my God, thank God I've never dated a girl who's like, can we go to Coachella?

Oh, brutal. Oh my God, Burning Man, Stagecoach, I don't wanna go get any of that shit. Let me stay away from any music fest. Yeah, and then my lady, she's like, I think we're introverts, she's like, let's go out. Let's see the city, let's do this. So she'll be like, oh my God, it says here

that Governor's Island is having a candle, whatever, or like a Chinese balloon, what do you call those, Chinese lanterns, they're letting them off. Chinese spy balloon? Yeah, you can shoot them. But they're having Chinese lanterns that go off. She's like, how cool is that? I was like, you gotta go to that.

She's like, you wanna go? I'm like, no. I don't wanna get on a boat, go to Governor. I mean, the whole thing works. Aren't you about to go to a thing with your girlfriend tomorrow, or your wife? We're going to see the Stones. I know, but it's so funny. I was literally just being like, man, going to concerts with your partner sucks.

I'm like, oh yeah, you're going to one. Well, this is hometown. I see the folks like the Stones is amazing. And it's the Stones are going to die at some point. I also called it your girlfriend. I've known you for too long. Yeah, it's it's I see the parents. It's in New Orleans.

This is all this caveats here. Yeah. Caveat. Is that the right word? I don't think it's in New Orleans. This is caveats here. Yeah. Caveat, is that the right word? I don't think that's the right word. I don't think that's the right word. There's external factors. There's other shit happening. There you go, thank you.

Thank you for translating. Yeah. Tried to use big words. Yeah, it's New Orleans, it's Jazz Fest, it's all this. So it'll be fun. It'll be a good time. And we're going to... This is how much of a psycho I am.

We're flying into Lafayette doing two shows... Nice. ...to pay for everything and then we're driving to New Orleans. I like doing that type of shit too. I don't like to... Like I just decided I'm gonna do a Euro tour in September and I'm like... I told my girlfriend, I'm like, that's the vacation.

I'll take days off in between so we can do shit. Yes, yes. That's the vacation. That's a great vacation. London, we're doing like good cities like London, fuck where else am I doing? I think Manchester. Yeah. I'm doing like Dublin.

Oh, that's great. Good for you. Sweden, I'm going to the right places, Paris. Oh, you're going to have a blast. Days off, yeah, Sweden, Copenhagen, Sweden, I'm going to the right places, Paris. Oh, you're going. Good for you. Sweden, I'm going to the right places. Paris. Oh, you're gonna have a blast.

Days off, yeah, Sweden, Copenhagen. With days off, even if you have just one day off, it makes all the difference. Going to Netherlands, I'm going everywhere. Oh, good for you, you're gonna see the world. And she's coming. Yeah. Oh, this is gonna be great.

We'll see. Some of it, you know, should pop in for Paris and London and good ones. Yeah. Not everybody needs to go to Sweden. I bet it's cool. Sweden's cool, I've been there. Yeah. But, uh, you see it, you go, hey, look at that, everybody's attractive, Ikea, meatball, got it, you're out.

But like, you got to Paris, you got to London, it's like booming. London rocks. Flustling, I love London. Ari's moving there. No, he's not. He's like booming London rocks bustling. I love London Ari's moving there. No, he's not he's moving to London. He says fuck is with you Ari. What the hell dude? He's got to get out. He's got a he's got to be interesting He realizes he's this ugly loser unless he had unless he's living in Malaysia With a flip was that really him passed out on the dock or was that a homeless guy was a homeless guy, okay? Yeah, I thought this how fucked up it is, I thought that was Ari. Oh, with Simon Rex? Yeah. Yeah, no, that was just a rando. Another person sent me that and it was the guy you

sent to this Simon Rex. Oh, that's funny. And I was like, is Ari okay? Oh, he's fine. Just a homeless guy. Yeah, well Ari had that crazy beard, so every homeless guy looked like Ari. Yeah. Yeah. Why is he moving to London? He wants to mix it up and he's like it's not that different. Is his girlfriend coming with him? Yeah. She'll come for some of it. I don't think she'll live there. He does what he wants. So my friend just got a new girlfriend and they're fighting now because they're going on their first vacation and he said I'll go on the vacation I'll pay for everything I just need one day to myself on the vacation, I'll pay for everything, I just need one day to myself on the vacation. And she flipped.

What does that mean, one day to himself? Meaning like, I can't be with you for five, six days straight. It's tough. It's tough, I need one day, it's just me. And she's taking it personal and he's like, this is who I am, it's not against you. I would feel this way if I went with a bunch of dudes,

went with my family. He's like, I'm just asking for one day and she won't she won't secede. You know she's got to know who she's with I know exactly for me. I would probably instead of like a whole day. I would just tell like a little breaks That's what I said. I'm more of a little break guy Yeah, but but also why do you want to hang out with a guy who needs a full day like if a guy told me that I'd be like oh shit. All right. right I don't want to bother you so I would back off. We've done the road with people who are like I need my alone space I'm like I that's fine. Totally get it that's how they are. Yeah. She's she's not into it so this this won't last. Is it a comic? Yeah I'll tell you later. Believe the name. Oh wow. He's just I mean the guy's 78 years old

he can't this is why he can't settle down. Yeah. Which, you know, to each his anal, I get it. But uh. He's a day, huh? He told her that straight up, she, it is ruining everything. And they're breaking up? They're not gonna break up,

but I think they will eventually. Where are they going? Italy, I think. Going to the most romantic place in the world, he's like, I'd like to be alone. Yeah. Just jerking off in a room full of candles. Yeah, yeah.

So it's kind of ruined the vacation before the vacation. Have you been to Italy? Oh yeah. I haven't been, I might add that to the tour. Gotta do it. Let me see if I can add that to the tour. If you can just get into Rome for a day and get out, it's worth it.

Yeah, probably. But then there's Pompeii, which is incredible. Then there's the Amalfi Coast. Woo! Oh, yeah, I heard this is shit. Amalfi Coast is like, I can't believe this is real. It's like a movie set. It's so pretty that it doesn't seem like it should exist. But you're the fun, this is why I always tell people about you, you're the one guy in the world who quit Hawaii. Yeah. Canceled Hawaii! That's a comic. I don't know about Hawaii. I don't think I'm gonna sell tickets there. Well, that's a that's a comic I don't know about Hawaii I'm gonna sell tickets there then well that do it stuff but it was you know

what the problem was I'd been on the road all year I was it would they want my agents are trying to routed like with Australia oh yeah and then it was like you know I'd get there like Wednesday, and then I'd leave for, I believe it was like, Adelaide or something, or Brisbane maybe, on Sunday. So I'm like, you think I wanna fucking, just four nights alone? I couldn't bring her, I don't wanna go to Hawaii alone. Right, right, that's true.

I mean, maybe it would've been good for me, I don't know. Yeah, I'm with you though, cause. I'm on the road so much, like I'll go there when I go there, but it was like, good for me. I don't know. Yeah, I'm with you though cuz I'm on the road so much I'll go there when I go there, but it was like it didn't I'll go sometime. Yeah No, you like Hawaii. It's it's breathtaking, but I'm also like you. I'm not a beach guy. No Yeah, you want a black coffee in the post, you know, I do but the beach I get it for a day I'll sit out. I'll get shit-housed. I'll read. The beach can be cool, but yeah, I was never, I was a city kid. I never went to the beach. Me neither. Me neither.

We didn't go. And then when you go you're just covered in sand. Yeah, yeah, you're burned. Yeah. You get a mouthful of salt water. Yeah, I never liked those weird animals in the water. Yeah, yeah. Then you got to lug everything back to the car or the subway It's a chore. I don't like it. Yeah, I'd rather just go to the park with a paper and Yeah coffee. You nailed it. That's that's me. Yeah, we'll take a walk I love on the water like I don't mind that but and I love swimming, but I like I like a fucking pool I don't wanna I know same but I made the rec center even I'll do that. I know, same. But I made the mistake. Or the rec center even. Give me a rec center.

The rec center pool. I love that. Yeah, that's great. But I made the mistake of going to the Coney Island beach. Like, hey, me and the lady, let's do it. We got a Saturday off, let's go to the beach. And it's just nothing but a sea of humanity. You got like an inch of sand over here because it's all beach towels and people blaring speakers

and people drinking and eating sandwiches out there and everybody's disgusting and gross and you're like this sucks this is relaxing I'm like oops sorry guys like you stepping up my towel you're like oh shit sorry buddy all right and you trip over a cooler it's a nightmare. Yeah I've never been dude. It's not great. I usually date women who like if they want to do something it doesn't last. I usually date women who, like, if they wanna do something, it doesn't last. I know.

If they're like, we should do this, I'm like, nah. I'm not a doer. I'm not either, I don't wanna do. You know what sounds great to me? Let's go to the diner on the corner. Sure. Have a bunch of coffee. Yep.

Man, I have too much coffee. I saw a urologist today. Wow. And he's like, yay, you got a cut back in the water. I saw a urologist today. Wow. And he's like, yeah, you gotta cut back on the water. You did probably a prostate titus. On the water? On the coffee.

Oh, okay. No, I need more water. I don't drink. He was like, tell me all the things that like, fuck up the stomach acid that could lead to that stuff. He's like, yeah, spicy foods, acidic foods, which is like good food. Yeah, yeah.

Coffee and booze. God damn. And I'm like, I'm like, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. Just everything just hitting me. You name my whole diet. That's my whole life. Oh my God.

We're getting older. So what is it, you gotta eat greens? No, well the problem is even thinking about it, you get a salad, the dressing is acidic. Like you get older and shit just gets harder on your body body. I know but I'm not gonna quit coffee or alcohol So I think like spicy foods I can cut back a little bit. I love spicy. I do too. I'm a hot sauce fanatic Yeah, damn. I love man. There's just like Hot pepper relish I put on sandwiches you make a cold cut at home, man. It's like takes us cold cuts

I put on sandwiches you make a cold cut at home, man. It's like takes us cold cuts Sometimes I take time off and I just go to the grocery store when I buy a shitload of it Yes, it's it's a great thing to have in the house that big wad of turkey my favorite so heavy I love it. It's the best I could just eat a handful of what kind of cheese you go Well, I like pepper Jack. Yeah, I like cheddar and I like American. I'm a cheese guy. Do any cheese Swiss I'll take I'm a slut, I'll do any fucking cheese. Yeah. But then, yeah man, you get good bread at the store.

There's a Wegmans by me now. Wegmans is fucking unbelievable. Oh, there's a Wegmans over there? It's fucking unbelievable. Unbelievable. They kicked it up and out. We needed a Wegmans in this town. Ah, it's good.

It's, cause I'm gonna, Morton Jim, what's the guy's name? Morton, Morton Williams. Yeah. Is it Morton Williams? Pricey. the guy's name? Morton? Morton Williams. Yeah. Morton Williams? Pricy. Pricy. And not great.

And not great. It's got the price of this high-end Cinderella shit, but it's actually a, you know. Cinderella is fucking pricey. Very pricey. They got some good shit. Great shit. They got lobsters in there. You're cooking some fish. That's where you go. Oh, yeah.

Get some fresh fish. But Morton Williams is a killing me on price Yeah, it's not good. Just a low-level grocery. Christi these worst groceries are we're losing them Oh, you got to follow us both on punch up dot live slash mark Norman punch up dot live slash Sam or L Man, we're in grocery store talk there. Yeah, sorry about that man. We got a one Campari soda We're fucking idiots. We got all our tour dates up there, but also you know, this is a place for putting content because Instagram is getting fucking kooky man. So is YouTube. You know, it's you turn it's turning an NBC I know it's like we stopped doing late-night sets because they were like you got to change this. Yeah

Yeah, I'm good now every clip we're like, you can't use that word. We get a, you know, yeah, first bit of course, Israel-Palestine. So I'm putting my material up there, that like new topical stuff that I used to put on Instagram, but like, man, they kill your, they kill your engagement, then they dock you. So no, what's the point of building these followings

when you can't, when they don't see it? It's ridiculous. I completely agree. Punchup.live slash MarkNorman, Punchup.live slash Sam Morell. Yeah and we'll both be on the road. What do I got coming up? I got Lexan in Kentucky. That's at the end of the run I think there.

Of the new dates, yeah. Oh you're doing Miami, huh? Yeah, Lexan in Kentucky, 631. Brea. Yeah, Brea. Brea Improv, Miami Improv, that's 613 through the, whatever, I can't even see, through the 15th. And then, yeah, June 22nd, Atlantic City with Chrissy D,

Christa Stefano, and we're adding some data, some openers, it's gonna be fun, special guests. Rochester, New York, comedy The Carlson, the June 27th through 29th I can't wait nice fun club spots I'm all over the place West Palm Beach Fort Myers New Haven Bean Town Mekong Georgia I assume that's making making oh I'm doing I think that's fully loaded oh I think I'm doing some of them oh yeah yeah oh great we got we got fucking wasted on his thing and he was like your agent hates me

I was like no he doesn't we called him to of course Charleston Philly Pittsburgh Seattle Spokane baton Rouge my alma mater Pensacola Sioux Falls Cedar Rapids Rockford, Illinois, Rochester, Minneapolis Richmond Greensboro, Anaheim thousand Oaks Redding Red Bank Colorado Springs Fort Collins Orlando Fort Lauderdale Portland London London Oh London Ontario Toronto Monterey Oakland Edmonton go to the site

Looking cute in that pic too. Oh, that's a Salik use. I think get our get tickets on either punch up or just our websites and That's a cute big. Oh, yeah SF Cobb's right from that one. Yeah, I was in a good mood He got me in a big laugh from Vita there Jim McCambridge. I think took that one. You know that guy great photographer He's a legend. Yeah, I love this stuff. Well. We love you guys keep listening by bodega Get a bodega cat whiskey calm. I think any day day now this is gonna be popping in New York so we're gonna do a big thing maybe. Shout out to Matt Herman for he's really pumping he flew to wherever the hell he was he flew

to like Indiana to like check out some barrels. I'm sure we'll get a bill. Well you guys are great we love you thanks for listening. Yeah queef it up comedy Up on the roof like a cop's comin' And naked Samuel is feelin' dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true