We Might Be Drunk - Ep 184: Gary Vider & Chazz Palminteri

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

Our special father's day episode with Gary Vider and Chazz Palminteri. Check out Gary's new podcast: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/1119-1-dad-182209950/ Gary Vider: https://www.garyvider.com/ Chazz Palminteri: https://chazzpalminteri.net/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com/ Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Bodega Cat: http://www.bodegacatspirits.com We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/ If you want to start a podcast contact [e-mail] for a discount on services when referred by WMBD! Support the show & get 20% off and free shipping with the code DRUNK at https://www.manscaped.com Sign up for a $1 per month trial period of Shopify. Head to https://www.shopify.com/drunk to get started

Ah Well, I'll be the cookie oh Hey, you doing buddy? Hey good to be here look at us up early look at us do it This is an early and it's my fault too because a flight that I had to end up moving anyway oh, I moved a flight to go to LA and then My agent hit me up. He's like you ready for that uh for that benefit on Wednesday and I'm like oh fuck oh no but anyway so we yeah it's completely my fault. Did you get the credit or you lose money? No I'm staying for it. Oh okay yeah but I mean sometimes you move a flight oh yeah that was fine all

right it worked it worked out I think I booked it with Miles anyway. Oh, nice. Yeah. Miles Davis. Oh, not Miles, fucking, what do you call it? Upgrades. Oh. It's those upgrades, man. Wait, wait, what do you mean? I got the New York to LA upgrade.

Whoa, that's huge. Huge. Biggest upgrade in the business. Man, these flights are terrible. No one's talking about American Airlines just being like the worst fucking, and I'm lucky so far, I haven't gotten screwed

But I have a friend she got stuck in Dallas for a day and a half Yeah Well, it's crazy. Yeah, they just don't do I guess was bad weather, but it's like it was fog Oh, it's like a 30 million dollar thing you can't you can't you can't beat fog some fans out here My dad used to call me a fog. But, um, damn that's crazy. No one's been stuck in Dallas like that since JFK. Alright.

But, uh, yeah that sucks. These day and a halfs are crazy. Like, I don't even like getting on a later flight cause you throws your whole night off. You have to skip sets and cancel shit. That's brutal. Where were you this weekend? West Palm Beach and Fort Myers.

That's a rough one. Fort Myers is up there is one of the worst I would say. You think so? I love West Palm. West Palm was pretty great. Great crowds. Fort Myers are just kinda like, it's like Naples light. It's rough. It's a little more like relaxy, kind of a small townie

than Naples. Naples feels like white trash trying to be rich. This feels like- Naples is rich. Oh, is it rich? Naples is definitely rich. Oh, all right, I take it all back. But West Palm was like, it was all Jews

and I made like a Israel joke and they're like, yeah! I said if Hamas wanted to kill you guys, they could just come to this show because it was like all the tassels and the yarmulkes and the whole thing. Be careful, they're listening to this pod, they're gonna follow you on tour.

This is dangerous, yeah. Anybody buys a ticket come in. But yeah great show great venue but Fort Myers I gotta say it was it felt small towny a little bit but the crowd was hot as hell. Wow who the hell made that out that's not my shirt. Someone's profiting off me in a baby blue I like said, these motherfuckers on the internet, that's my Naples design. Damn. Naples, Florida, worst place on earth, yeah. I've never been to Naples.

It's bad. Really? My wife booked a family vacation in August. In Naples? In Naples. Well, I mean, the land, everyone's like, they're like, ooh, the land is fine. The beach is fine.

I mean, it's not like the land is bad, it's the people that I had to perform for. Right, right. It's very like, yeah, it's not like the land is bad, it's the people that I have to perform for. Right, right. It's very like, yeah, it's not my scene. There's a lot of great cities in Florida, that ain't one of them. Yeah. But yeah, I was in Lexington, Kentucky, great club, one of my faves. Great, just like the best workout room, comedy off Broadway.

So fun, love that room. Well, hidden gym. Yeah. Oh my God, someone in the front row, she just holds up a bottle and I'm like, oh no. And she goes, this is for you. And she walks on stage and hands it to me. Oh. And I was like, is this a good bottle?

And everyone's like, it's one of the best. They're cheering. It's a good bourbon. So of course, you know, I'm trying to take it easy. I end up boozing all weekend. You got to do it. It's good bourbon. It's good bourbon. good bourbon when in Rome

Yeah, who are you with Anthony DeVito? Nice who's working on a one-man show check out in the city. He's working on a one-man show About his father who was whacked by the mob. It's it is incredible very good Anthony DeVito. It's like hilarious It's also it's also really funny. I'm you know hilarious and also really funny doing a great job pitching this This is early for us Yeah, it is a tearjerker. It's emotional. Yeah. Yeah, it's well written. It's all true. It's real The jokes are great and the stories is amazing. It's amazing check it out, but let me say this Dave Chappelle Chris Rock getting attacked on stage. You're getting people walking on stage giving you bourbon. I know. That's pretty good.

Not bad. Yeah, some guy, you see the guy get attacked on stage. I did. Like two days ago. Yeah, it was another country. Where was it? Spain. Portugal.

Yeah. He made a joke about the guy's baby and the guy showed up. Yeah. He looked like a fucking lunatic. That's one thing about touring is we cannot hide because we're literally posting where we're going to be. Yeah.

Whoa, we got him a nice clock on the ear there. Looks like he went open hand slap on him. That guy's huge too, the victim. Probably get a commercial here, sorry. I love how we have to put everything is political. Far right wing, far left activist. Astonishing moment, I rate Spanish father punches comedian.

By the way, we could tell he was far right. I don't think the far left dude looks like that. That guy looks like a jacked thumb. Look at him. He really does. That guy's huge. Oh my God. Oh, those are the pitiful comments? Not a great audience member, probably. No. This is for calling my son a pedophile. He is only a baby.

You killed my father. Prepare to die. Say it to my face. Can't believe this happened to Reggie Watts. Holy shit. But does this guy leave feeling like, here's a question, like, does he leave feeling good about himself? Like, 100%. Yeah?

Yeah, he vindicated. He's a dad. Yeah. He's pissed. The other guy's really in a corner there. I guess I feel two things on this. For one, people are, people will say fucking anything on the internet and not stand behind it. And it's turned us into pieces of shit. Like the comments you get now are just absurd.

People just talking shit, fighting words. But if I saw you, you'd be a fucking coward. I don't know who made this comment, I think you probably do. They're saying the reason why this exists is because there are no physical consequences to insulting people anymore Oh, it's Colin Quinn. Oh sorry. Quinn has a joke about that, isn't he special? But I mean it's it's true. Yeah, and I mean there are if you're that committed to finding the guy on tour But like you said, he probably bought a ticket Yeah But I remember being a kid at a I was at a house party in high school and I called a guy a pothead

And he came at me He like jumped on me and was swinging at me and the guys pulled him off and I was like what's good yeah you like weed you're a pothead he's like don't fucking call me a pothead and he went nuts and that's nothing imagine what people are saying on the internet like I hope your mom dies you homo nice fog yeah whatever right so like that was pretty normal when I was a kid was just like you said the wrong thing and a guy would attack you. And we've completely lost that.

He attacked you over a pothead? I think I hit a nerve with something, but yeah. I was like, are you like weird? You're like a pothead. He was like, what? I just hit the wrong button. Clearly he's not a pothead. Sounds like a belligerent lunatic.

He's a meth head or something, or bath salts. What the hell? But yeah, he went at me. But that was kinda normal. Like I felt like as a kid it was always like, who's gonna hit me today? Well kids have a lot of rage. And it's misplaced a lot of it, you know?

Yeah. The kid who's getting like the shit kicked out of him at home, you know, then he's the angry kid. Yes. We talked about this in the last one. But it's like that movie Stand By Me, where you're like, there's always one. Totally, totally.

Some darkness. I remember college, I went to LSU for a while, and there was Tigerland, which were all the bars were, it was called Tigerland, and the fist fights I saw at this place were in, I'm talking guy on the floor getting kicked in the face by a boat shoe, a lot of yellow polo shirts and white hats that had, you know, letters on, there it is, it is Tigerland throw the but the fist fights were banana I mean it was crazy

bottles breaking overheads it was like Roadhouse I went to Bearland I saw a boat shoot go up a guy's ass one of the worst experiences Baltimore Barrel and is this the oatmeal yeah there we gofucker, what are you doing to me? There we go. Where do you get these? Right on the corner. There's a coffee place that we go to. And then homemade cookies. That's a hell of a cookie. You looked like a pedo ball before, but now you're tossing cookies. You're giving out cookies? Jesus Christ. Oh yeah, how about this comedy jersey? I love it. You got that Paragon? Yeah.

Shout out Paragon, New York institution, man Hell, it was such nice guys who ran it to the family was so cool Yeah, we did a comedy show there. Yeah the comedy underground over ground. They do pop-up shows these guys at like Katz's deli What was the one on like? That building when people jump off. Oh the edge the building Yeah people jump off. Oh the edge? The edge? On 34th Street? Yeah. Building people jump off. Maybe don't call it the edge. Sounds like inviting for suicide. Right, right. We're gonna kill yourself. The edge. Hey, cool. I did one at McShoreley's last week. Really?

Mm-hmm. That's a classic bar too. Gray bar. Oldest bar in New York. That's right. That or Ear Bar? Ear Bar's awesome. Gray Bar. I remember Christian McLaughlin from Comedy Central took me to lunch there and I have like, a native New Yorker who had never been there and I was like, well this place is fuckin' old school. Oh yeah, apparently that's on Spring.

Apparently Spring was like a strip back in the day. There was a strip club on the corner of Spring and Greenwich. Ear Bar. There's all kinds of stuff over there. Here's Mark after a bad set. Ah! No strings though, no strings attached. Damn dude. That's the place.

That was a show there? What? It was funny because it was on the 100 something floor because the whole thing is like, well it's comedy but with a view, which by the way, anytime you add anything to comedy, it doesn't help. Bad. I remember our buddy John Pally used to run a show on Arlo and Esme. Yeah, and it was called buns and puns

It was like his joke. There was nothing to do with puns I think just like that name, but yeah, he would give out buns Yep, and then he would give out jello shots to the crowd was like nice that he put effort of the show He made all of them self. It was pretty incredible. But then the gimmick was Buns, like he thought it was funny, to have aerobics, like 80s aerobics behind you on the screen. So all you're doing is just women doing this. And you're like, I love that you're going above and beyond, but this is not helping. Yeah, just book a decent act and we'll all have a good time.

But he filled it every night. Yeah, I mean there was a couple four or six people shows But there were also that were like and they were like stack lineups Oh, yeah, they Becky own was on and all these who male would be on yes It'd be like a lot of like that time Hannibal Yeah, guys who were like blowing up in New York at that time was a guy doing like Brooklyn open mics that show was a treat It was a tree you got drunk for free, you guys were there, and then the audience.

Yeah, it was fun, but yeah, this show we're on the hundred something floor and they're like, you get a view, and then it's just one of those foggy days. It was cloudy up there. Cloudy, yeah. You looked out the window. The American Airlines probably had a few flights

on the ground. Damn, you know what this reminds me of is the Dubai, Dubai just had a comedy festival. Yeah. And I was talking to Ian Lara, he's like, it was insane, every show was great. You know, Schultz did the arena and Chappelle was there, he did the arena the next night.

I'm like, Dubai, comedy has made it to Dubai? Like the whole thing seems. Oh, it's a huge city. I guess, but it's, I don't know. We have fans over there. We do? We've talked about this. I don't know, Dubai?

I get messages all the time from India Hmm, I know we had called zero Zero taxes in Dubai, whatever you earn you keep I like that zero what is it Fort Myers? How do they pay the roads I think they just use their fucking oil money Wow Oil, that's a good stuff right there. Yeah. Yeah. But he said it's 90% expats so it's like doing a show in Cleveland. Damn. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean I'm doing a Euro tour, you just did one. I mean I'm expecting it to be mostly expats. Yeah, yeah. And at least like you know the the cities like Paris. Yeah. Yeah, well, when you get to Ireland,

have you done Ireland before? I did it with you. Oh, but like your own show? This time I'm doing it, yeah. You're gonna fucking shit. I'm pumped. Are you doing Vicar? I don't know.

Vicar, please, where is that? Oh, you're doing, oh, the Olympia Theater. That might be even bigger. I don't think so. But Ireland's just the hottest crowds of all time, it's great. I had so much fun when I was there with you, man. That was a blast, we had the best crew of all time,

and we covered it with Quinn, but it was Quinn, DiStefano, Rachel, Nate Bargatze, I'm leaving, I think, who am I leaving out? Chrissy D? Yeah. Oh, you said that, Rachel, yeah. Sean Padden. Oh, there you go.

You know what's weird on those Ireland shows? I bombed my first one and I realized, oh, I'm doing too much of a set. I had to be in the room. And then I was on the next one, I was a little more riffy and that worked. It's interesting, you have to change up not your material but your vibe.

Yes. The way you present your material. 100%. It's so true, I feel the same way It's almost like some some cities they want it to feel like more spontaneous Yeah, which for your crowd and like, you know, Cleveland whatever they're like, here's the jokes. Yes. Yes the jokes exactly I think that European British II Irish II they're like they're all funny So they're like you just coming up here and reciting your album

Anybody can do that. We got jokes too. You gotta be you. So I had to learn that in real time. Yeah, it feels like you care more about the show, I guess. Yeah. Then I watched Tommy Tiernan? Beast.

Killed. Killed. Talk about in the room. He's like, look at this fucking bloke over here. He's a fog. You know, he went nuts. Good times. Well, I just realized we don't overlap on Bert's tour.

Oh! I was so annoyed. I thought, I got my gates and I thought we were on, I saw Mark, it's like you're there two nights before me. Pull it up. I'm in Mekong, Georgia and I think Charleston. I'm in Savannah. No, it doesn't matter.

I was just pumped that we were gonna have a couple of those. I thought so too. It would have been fun. Yeah, so doesn't matter. I was just pumped that we were going to have a couple of those. I thought so too. It would have been fun. Yeah. So who were you with? Do you know? It's a good crew, but I thought it was us together and I was kind of pumped. Yeah, we can get boozed up out in the South. Oh yeah, those first two are me, Maycon and Charlton. I love Charlton. It's a good time.

Where are you? Savannah and then two. Oh, we missed my day. Damn. Savannah's awesome. Yeah, I know. How does it work? He's like, you're all in buses driving from city to city?

Yeah. How many buses, how many, what does it look like? I think the comics, they have girl bus, they have a guy bus, and you're on it with Bert and Big J and Soder and then a screw bus. Did you sleep at all? I took Ambien. Really?

Yeah, because I couldn't sleep. Oh! Oh shit! It was your bus. Oh! Oh, of course. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, this fucking guy. Oh this fucking guy Literally my

Jesus Christ What are you doing Liz? Oh spot? This is crazy Golly a good buddy Gary Vita who you guys have heard a million things about No dress code here. I'm wearing a Gia has a hot new special out right now on YouTube called Could Be Worse. Yeah, get that microphone in you. Look at that suit. That is a crisp. I know, tie was a little long, but.

Well, on you everything's looking. I know. What are you going to full Pee-wee Herman here? You look like a ventriloquist duck. You're the one who dressed me. I know, we went suit shopping together. Oh, how cute. Sam called all the shots. Oh yeah, these are taped up.

Actually no, this one's not taped. They got baby proof. So these are espresso brownies. The wife baked them. Mamasita. Baked last night. I'll open this crack. I'm sure you weren't baked last night, you punk. Easy. Easy.

Easy. Wait a minute. I've calmed down on smoking. Yeah, all right. I haven't had one. Your wife made them? Yeah, yeah, she made them. I'm not a brownie guy, that's really good.

A good brownie, espresso brownie. Why do you keep saying expresso? Espresso? There we go. All right, I'm retarded. What do you want, man? Oh, yeah. Whoops, sorry, that's ramen. This is such a good special. I hope, I'm retarded. What do you want me to do? Oh, yeah. Whoops, sorry, that's ramming.

This is such a good special. I hope you guys all watch it. I'm sure you've seen Mark and myself promoting it. But just joke, joke, joke, start to finish. If you like just old school, pure comedy. Yes, and what's great is it's an actual special. Like every joke crushes. Thank you.

Every special now, it's a lot of B stuff and a little filler and a lot of crowd work. This is just banger after banger which is a throwback sadly. Well going on the road with you guys obviously has helped because it's like you get it tested in front of a good crowd, good fans. I want to travel to the country. They want to hear jokes man. Yeah right. That's a rare thing just telling jokes so it's like and it takes time to come up with a good joke. Oh yeah. So you gotta work on it, you gotta perfect it.

Oh yeah, these are walnuts, you know, Sam, I know you're good with nuts. Yeah, you're in my mouth. Mm. Holy fuck. Yeah, these are my favorite. Oh, you fucking asshole. Jesus Christ, you want one?

No, I'm good with this. You're good with that? Come on, have one of these, have one of the one on a cookie. Have one dude, come on. Come on, Salakis. There you go. Enough to go around. Also, we run two shows in New York.

We've been running two shows in New York for, I don't know, eight years. Yeah, that's been helpful. And that is so helpful. Yeah. Burning the news. Irish Exit back in the day. Back in the day. Was that your first show together, you two?

That was where we started. And it started as, we were putting it together, but then we had people who had to bring people, because we couldn't pull an audience. That's right. So it took so much time, and then it was just like, as time went on, people were like, oh, this is a good show. It was completely free.

Yep. And it was on 50 Second and Second. And we dealt with- You used to live by there, and I loved it. Yeah, you used to live by there. Yeah, it was perfect. And they just had such a crazy managers that worked there, like just a bunch of drunks, it was just, it was mayhem.

And we were like the one successful thing they had going and they didn't even know how to handle it. I know. And it was pretty awesome though that we were able to do whatever we wanted when we were there. But you know, it got us better for sure. And then that expanded and then we went to, over to know, it got us better for sure, and then that expanded, and then we went over to the seller.

Yeah. Soon after. Remember when they changed hands ownership, and the new guy came and he's like, this is how we're gonna do it, we're gonna charge everybody 50 bucks, we're gonna sell food, we're gonna have food tickets, and we're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, it's a free show,

there's no food tickets, he just took over. These people never understand what they actually have. Especially where it's like, hey, we're putting on a show, we're getting people in a door in any place. That's like the hardest thing in the world. And they didn't appreciate that. I remember in the beginning they had like a girls drink for free between eight and nine

and nobody was showing up. And I was like, just add the comedy show in there. And all of a sudden people started showing up and they're like, we need to start charging people. I'm like, what you just. Then they'll stop coming. Yeah, then they'll charging people. I'm like, what you just. They know it'll stop coming. Yeah, then they'll stop coming.

It's like, you just got them in the door. Yeah. What are you doing? And then the bar was empty and our show was packed. Yeah. And they're like, hmm, you know, people aren't paying enough. They're not buying enough drinks. You're like, okay, then no one will buy drinks.

I know. And it was a Tuesday night too. These people didn't get it. Anyway, they're out of business. Yeah. There's a reason for it. Yeah, our show has been closed for years. And then we actually left right before they closed.

We didn't even know that. I don't even think we knew that they were closing. It was like, maybe we found out like a week before and we were like, all right, and we just pivoted. And then we found a great spot at the cellar and then we expand the show and then we have it Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Oh yeah.

Great workout room, man. It's everything. Huge, it's a secret weapon, sorry. We gotta plug his new pod too. Oh yeah, this is big, it's coming out. I mean it's coming out, wait, I don't know when this is coming out. This comes out Father's Day, that's perfect too.

I've listened to episode one, it's incredible. Yeah. He only sent me episode one, but tell the... So yeah, I mean, it's a crazy story with my dad and I, and my dad was a con man, and we stopped talking 24 years ago, I mean, both of you guys know the story, but the podcast, it follows my relationship with him and kind of the things that we went through,

and a lot of stuff happened when I was a kid, so I'm not sure if I exactly remember everything, so I start talking to different family members, talk to a therapist, I talk to some friends to help me guide me through basically the ideas to eventually track my dad down and see what he's been up to after all this time, after these 24 years.

And yeah, it's just a lot of stuff that happened, a lot of cons that he pulled that affected the family. And I wanna find out if he did it completely for the family out of like, did he need to do it because that was his only way to survive and make an income or was he just selfish? Because I mean, eventually it did destroy our family. But I do go into this podcast with the idea of,

maybe I could reconcile with them, because it's been so much time. Really? Yeah. You think it's, I mean, are you done with shooting? All the editing? I'm done with shooting. I can't say if I was able to track them down,

so it leaves a little bit of a mystery, but it's 10 episodes. Maybe. It's fun. It's a one-run. Yeah, it's a cool thing that I was definitely able to experience, and at the start of the podcast that just became a father So it picks up from there and kind of you know

Seeing me through like the beginning of fatherhood and really wanting to take on like alright the first step is interviewing the baby It's terrible Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's pretty advanced though So no he you know it goes through this it goes through this whole thing of like, my dad and I, we had cons together where it's like, I mean the most famous con is that we went to Madison Square Garden for four years without- A lot of sports illustrated.

Yeah, without tickets. We posed as sports illustrated for Kids Report of me. And then my dad would pose as a photographer. And they gave us complete access to the entire garden. I'm talking locker rooms, I had interview players. Oh my lord, what a story. Look at that little guy with that bowl cut and Michael Jordan.

Oh my god. That bowl cut would get you in anywhere. Holy shit. L.A., Bill Murray. Ah! Phil Jackson, look at that. Wow, this is incredible. Cindy Crawford. Holy hell, your at that. Wow! Phil Jackson, yeah. This is incredible.

Cindy Crawford. Holy hell, your first voter. Yeah, I fucked up. Yeah. Wow. And yeah, I mean, everybody bought it. Richard Gere. Richard Gere.

You put your, oh! Oh, going for the same thing. Go for the same thing. Oh, go for the same thing. Oh, go for the same thing. De-claw the boy. Send him back. Send him back.

Send him back.. Oh man. So yeah, my dad was able to talk a good game and got us, we would have press passes and I would sit, I mean wherever there was an option, but like, I mean sometimes in the press box, but a lot of times there would be a seat open on the floor and I would sit there, he would be taking pictures. We wouldn't even sit together. And yeah, it was just for four years, over 50 games and hung around the Knicks in like that prime era of the 90s and then same with the New York Rangers.

Unreal, now you can do this with your kid. I know. How can you? Times are a little different now, but like I think you could still figure out a way how to comp you. I mean, that was the thing that my dad always taught me is like, you know, people seriously do believe whatever you tell them

Yeah, a majority at least did you know this is a con when you were doing it. Did you know I'm not really reporting Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know I mean I go in with a pad and then and my dad would give me like a little prep Talk before like hey, these are the things that you could say But I mean he would do a lot of the talking with like the main people that he'd have to interact with to like get us to the next level. So was your juice, were you excited to be like pulling something off or were you just happy to be?

I mean, it was, I was excited to be meeting. I mean, everybody I met was somebody that I wanted to meet or you know, that especially I was so, I love sports. I love the NBA, I love hockey and stuff. So I was like just so excited to go to these games. And that was the way that my dad was able to take me, so I was pumped to just to go. And when we were going to see the Chicago Bulls,

I'm like, oh, I'm gonna go meet Michael Jordan. I knew that that was gonna happen. I knew so. You knew he'd find a way in the Bulls. He would never get shut down, so it was incredible. And we were also doing this so many times that people just recognized us. So the security guards knew who we were.

It's like, you're a familiar face, and then they just gave you access. So after a few times, it just became easier. What was the experience in the Bulls locker room like with Jordan and Phil Jackson and Pippen? So when I met Jordan, he was in his own, he already got dressed, didn't get to see his cock, but went into-

Really? Holy shit. He was in a separate locker room with Phil Jackson and a bunch of assistant coaches, so he wasn't in the own thing. So I guess his life was just like, he could be separated from the rest of the team, at least in that setting when I saw him.

And he was there with Phil Jackson, and then when I saw Scottie Pippen, he was in the corridor. So I didn't see him in the locker room. And then the Bulls locker room was just, every locker room kind of is all meshed together right now. But yeah, it's all guys getting dressed, walking around with their hogs out. Sure, it's such an interesting story

because on paper he's a great dad. Yeah. You're doing something illegal, he's using you. Yeah. But you're meeting these, so it's kind of like this this toss and turn of like, is this horrible? This is the fun one. This is the fun one. This is kind of what brought me back to like,

oh my dad and I, we had these great memories together. This is something that's so unique and special. And it's the best memories I have as a kid. But there's so many other things that he did. And he walked out on the family, dude. Ah, well. Well, yeah, essentially, his lies became so much where he was in constant legal battles.

I mean, he would impersonate a cop. You know, it's like, I mean, he had in constant legal battles. I mean he would impersonate a cop. You know, it's like, I mean he's not, he had an undercover cop car. Yeah, I know, I know. Yeah. But he also, I mean, impersonating cops. He would, every business that he had was being sued. His last business before we basically-

But he'd just drag it out in court, right? Drag it out in court. He knew how to, he would represent himself in some cases and he would beat the case. Him and David Berkowitz. Yeah, exactly. Dead Bundy. He figured out a way how to beat the court system.

I mean, he knew the law and like, he knew if you delay things that things operate on a certain budget, like you'd be, I remember his furniture business was taken on by the New York State Attorney General, and they were able, he was able to basically win out in court over them just because of delaying things. And then later in life, he was impersonating,

he had a payphone business, was able to have over like 200 accounts, but he was impersonating AT&T, so that's how he was getting these accounts. The guy really saw the future. I'm gonna invest in him. Yeah. Is that him? That's what it is.

Is that a photo of him? What's that? Is that him? That's Mike Keenan. I didn't know either. Mike Keenan was a head coach of the Rangers. So that's who I'm taking a picture with. Yeah, but he looks like my father in that setting

and the way he's holding me. But. You have all these amazing memories, but they're like my father in that setting, the way he's holding me. But, uh. You have all these amazing memories, but they're just with celebrities, they're not with your dad. Yeah, very, exactly, very, my dad and I, during these games, I mean, we'd never take pictures together.

He also would say, he would tell people that he wasn't my father at the games, like, and he would use different aliases over, like, over time. This is fascinating. So it's one of the things where, I remember going to the games as, you know, we do this scam so much,

I'm like, hey, can you just say that you're my father? It's like, I mean, I don't think that's needed. You could still, because it's much weirder to just say that you're a photographer with a lone kid. True. But yeah, he loved to lie, he needed to lie, and that was his quality. He was good at it, yeah.

It's kind of like Leo in Catch Me If You Can. For sure, absolutely. Everything he did, he found the way he got off on that scam and yeah, there's things that when I was growing up, I mean, I remember starting off at just going to movie theaters with my dad, he wouldn't pay, he would just be telling me go under the ropes and then he'd just get to the usher and be like,

that's my kid that's like down the corridor and then he'd get a free pass. And so it's like every time we'd go to the movie theaters and same thing with like, you know, how he'd say that he wasn't my, I mean he would say that he was my father there, but he would, I would tell him, I'm like, can we just go to a movie theater and you actually pay?

And he just never would do it. He is good at what he does. I'm great at what he does. He's a talented guy. It's a legal talent, but talent's talent. For sure. I mean, everything, it was like, you know. Also, he's a kid.

He doesn't have a choice. He's like kind of forcing his kid to be complicit in. Totally abusive, but I'm just saying he was a pro. And the way that like a father obviously teaches a son good things, like my father was teaching me, to him this is how the world works, and this is how you get by. So he was looking at all these things as,

all right, I'm showing my son, this is how he could get further in life. I don't know, I mean this is kind of old school. You don't see these kind of guys anymore. It's harder to do it. It's harder to do it. It's so funny that you're like, dad, can we play catch? He's like, no, let's fucking con Jose Kinsake.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always like, it's always something. It's always something. I mean, if we were going out to eat, and the reason I think like the payphone thing was so interesting was that we could go to a restaurant and it would just be like, oh, it's just like, oh, we're out at a restaurant,

and all of a sudden their phones would stop working. And then it's like, who could fix their phones? But the phone guy who just happens to be like, oh, it's just like, oh, we're out at a restaurant. All of a sudden, their phones would stop working. And then it's like, who could fix their phones? But the phone guy who just happens to be there, and you're like, how did those phones just stop working when we were there? Or it would be like, another time, phones would stop working and we'd go back to this place, and he'd already made himself very familiar

in these settings. And it's like, he was always up to something, whether it's like, I mean, I never saw him cut phone wires, but it's like he was always up to something whether it's like I mean I never saw him cut phone wires But it's like all these like interesting situations that we would be put in that He just somehow always had an out and was always able to figure out a way to like Get us something for free or barter. This is a movie I mean, it's there's a movie in this for sure just to cutting the phone lines like him back in the yeah I mean, there's so many things like cuz not only I, so I talk to different, I have two older sisters, so they tell stories that I didn't know because I'm the youngest and I, so I stopped talking to my dad when I was 15.

They both stopped talking to him as well. But they remember things that, and they tell stories on the podcast about their experiences and their experiences are similar, but they have their own stories of things that- There was no WNBA, so they were. Yeah, yeah, exactly. They couldn't get into that. But they did, you know, they experienced the same exact thing, and then just from

like an older standpoint, so it's cool to hear them. And then I go and I talk to my mom about my dad for the first time, and like we haven't talked to him in 24 years. What did she say? She didn't want to him in 24 years. So it's like. What did she say? She didn't wanna say much, let's put it that way. She's seen some crazier shit, I'm sure.

Yeah, so it's a tough thing, because my dad is very litigious, and there's a big fear of anybody who is involved in the podcast about things like coming back and. That's season two, dude. Yeah, I know, yeah, exactly. I battle my dad in court. And he defend him.

I wear that suit for my special. You got a lot of evidence, I mean you got all the photos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, there are a lot of things in the podcast that legal wise I couldn't say. So the podcast is called Number One Dad and it's gonna be available everywhere starting on June 10th.

And it's like a movie, it's audio but it plays out like a 30 for 30 on the ESPN. It's really great music. It tracks me in real time as I try and learn more about my dad and then also learn presently what he's up to. So it's a past and present type focus. Wow, but no diddle stuff. What it means. Like he never did that.

Like, follow me? Yeah. No, no, no, that's kind of good I would rather great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't get diddled put against molestation. Yeah. Yeah good I know my dad's Kevin Spacey So what did uh, you know, like what is can I ask what is he doing now for money or is he just You know, is he living the free life? So that's where the podcast eventually goes where it's like I have to find out is he up to something that's good or is he bad?

Has he changed at all? So it's kind of, yeah, so it's like that was that kind of my mindset of going into it. Can people change at that age? Probably not, well so one of the things is like I talked to Sam in the podcast because Sam comes from experience of not talking to his biological father,

and it's interesting, because there are people out there that obviously have poor relationships with their family, but Sam was a good person to talk to, because it's like, you reconnected with your dad, or tried to at one point, just to see what he's up to, when you were 19. And I didn't know what it was gonna be like for me, so Sam helped guide me.

It's very rare that you reconnect with someone like that and you're like, this guy's great. Yeah, yeah. No, it's usually, they're out of the picture for a reason. And you're gonna be disappointed and they're usually some sort of narcissist. I remember I showed my therapist at the time a note that he wrote me and he goes, every sentence is I, I, I showed my therapist at the time a note that he wrote me and he goes,

every sentence is I, I, I. There's nothing about the impact he made on you. And I was like, oh, it's stuff like that. Interesting. Giddy similar in his apology. See, that was all I. When he said like, my rock bottom, you beat the shit out of me.

Yes, yes. Your rock bottom is not supposed to be not as bad as the other person. Right, right, right. Wouldn't get him kicked in the head. Yeah. But that's like, it's like narcissistic. Do you think he's a narcissist

or do you think he's just like? I think a narcissist, a sociopath, like I mean it's everything that, yeah he can't see the wrong that he's doing at all. And these light, your face is lighting up as a kid, so there's gotta be a little bit like, man, I'm the man, I'm the great dad. Yeah, I mean, you're, you know, I'm going through,

you know, between the ages of, you're so, I'm so involved in this, and this is between, when I was between the ages of nine to 13. So everything, you know, from nine, I'm like, I'm looking at my dad, I'm like, wow, this is so cool that we get to do this. And it was, these were memories of me going

to Madison Square Garden that I couldn't share the next day in school, because we're sneaking our way in and we're doing it technically, illegally, and he wouldn't want people to know. So it was a secret that I had to keep. No paper trail back to the kindergarten. Yeah, exactly. But he wouldn't want any of that to come back on him,

and so as I was getting older, I was like, well, not only did I see these lies that were happening, I was like, okay, at least I'm benefiting from it. But then I saw other things where people would get very angry at him demanding money that he owes them. And it's like, damn, this is like my dad. And I'm like, why can't you just be like a normal dad? And that was the tough part as you're getting older. You're like, just be, you like a normal dad. Wow. And that was the tough part as you're getting older.

You're like, just be, you watch a normal dad when I'd be playing sports and they're in the stands. It's like, oh, this is cool. This dad's cheering on his kid and he seems very supportive. And then my dad, we were playing Little League, all of a sudden he'd have like four bats from the Little League and they'd be in the trunk

of our car because he lifted them. And then he'd give, I remember he gave one bat. He was a coach of our Little League and they're being the trunk of our car because he like he lifted them and then he'd give it he'd give it I remember he gave one bat he was a he was a coach of our Little League team and somehow a bunch of Little League equipment went missing and then we see my cousin who was like eight years old at the time maybe like a few weeks later and he just hands him a bat this is like property of half of those little and that was his that was his birthday gift like an old bat And you're like, what are you doing? Like it's like so obvious that this isn't a bat That was like a real yeah new back. That was a gift

I'm so fascinated by this that did you meet his dad was his dad a similar His dad was from the Czech Republic Czechoslovakia at the time and you're just like oh, you know, old like... He was the first Jews to go down in World War II. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But yeah, he was able to, obviously he got out and then, you know, he was just, you know, kind of a foreigner where just like, he definitely struggled to make money and my dad, I think, just saw that and then he just went a different route. But my grandfather, his father was a good guy and just my dad just, I think just saw a way to cheat.

And I think it's that time period of like, kids growing up, my dad, I guess he grew up in like the 50s, where you could just like, you're sneaking around everywhere you go, there's easier ways to be a con man, and I think you just learn the tricks of the trade. Now what hit you at 15 that made you just break out? I mean the constant lying, he also, I mean he was treating me badly, he was treating my mom badly.

He was just like everything, you couldn't believe what he was saying. He'd be gone for weeks at a time. And I remember just the feeling of like every time he would leave the house, I'd be like, I'd have a sense of relief. My parents were constantly fighting and it always seemed like it was my dad,

from as a 15 year old looking at it, it was my dad's doing. My dad was in the wrong. My mom wasn't doing it. She was a stay at home mom. What if she was kind dad's doing. My dad was in the wrong, my mom wasn't doing it. She was a state old mom. What if she was kind of just at, had to deal with everything that he was bringing to the table.

What was her reaction when you're going to these games? I think she just went along with it. I mean, she's married to the guy. Are you gonna divorce somebody because of that? It's like, eventually it leads to other problems were the reason for them falling apart. But yeah, that was just like, oh, I seem happy about it. And if I'm happy and it doesn't seem like I'm getting hurt,

you just go along with it. But I think she was a little. Did she ask you, think how you're getting in? Or do you think? Oh, I mean, I definitely told her. I don't remember if there was a specific conversation or anything, but I mean, she knew 100%. And I think you kind of just go with it.

It's like, what are you gonna do if that's your son? And he seems like I was having a great time. Sure. You know, especially in the beginning. And then I think she eventually, that stuff was happening between them and then the way that he was treating the entire family it just was, let's everything fall on a part.

Now do you have, cause look, my dad's a dweeb, he's annoying, but I see myself doing dad shit. Like it just stuck, do you have any in you? Like you got some con artist blood? Cause we run shows together, this guy can cook the books, he's go with numbers, go with money. I mean, I've seen what you can do with a spreadsheet. Well I've always been good at talking to people and like in

getting them to go along with something for the ride you know. Whether it was like convincing somebody out for us to put on a show but back in the day. Convincing someone on the road to pay for an expensive. Yeah. Listen you come that you come to this city you don't need here. You're a fool, let me tell you. Sammy always pays. But Sam starts cutting phone wires, dude. Just like another man. But no, what I would do is, I mean back in the day, like starting, I mean definitely in high school, I mean cheating on exams and things like that was fine.

I would steal exams. I always found a way to, I would be able to go into a classroom after the school day was over and I'd go into a filing cabinet, steal exams. I stole grade books. And then you have a red pen, you could just easily change some grades. When I was in college, I was stealing exams too.

So I stole a midterm and a final out of an accounting class. And it was very easy. The accounting class, they had two classes. The first class was like 11 o'clock and the next one was at two, I was in the two o'clock. And the teacher would lay out the exams in alphabetical order.

So I just went to the first class and just nabbed some wrong person's exam. And then gave it to kids that were smart in my class just so they could fill it out and I had all the answers by the two o'clock class So it's just like a simple thing So one of the things my dad and as far as like what was passed on is there's always a way there's always always figure out something that that That could be easier now wouldn't have been easier to study. I mean I had to think about that

You know I had to think about the reason yeah, it sounds pretty good Yeah, no for no rush when you study, but I didn't want to study. I didn't want to learn accounting And I like the Danny Ocean of SUNY Buffalo. Yeah, exactly. Now also, people always say, hey, you can't cheat as easily now with the internet, social media, DMs, you're always traced and tracked.

But there are also helps with social media and internet and all that. Like you can use that to your advantage when you're a schemer as well. Oh, absolutely. I mean, I don't know the way it works now but in terms of that but I mean they could definitely figure, there's always a way. Always a way.

Most of the liars are so confident. Yeah. Like the way your dad would lie, he probably just made people be like, well why would this guy lie? Absolutely, yeah. Oh this person lied about this. Yeah true, he's got a kid with him.

So part of also being a good liar is you do tell the truth like 95% of the time. Because then you don't get caught in your lies as much. If you could keep track of your lies, you could kind of get away with it. So a little bit more of the truth is always beneficial in the lie. Can you give an example?

Well, I guess if we were going somewhere, it's like, whatever, he's a payphone man, he fixes payphones. He is partially who he says he is. I'm his son, this is his family. Whatever, I play, just the background of his story. But if he's, I guess, screwing somebody over, it's gonna be on money, it's gonna be on something that he doesn't deliver

on certain goods. So it's a way of getting by on something. He was in the furniture business, and he was eventually not delivering furniture to people, but he would only not deliver it to a certain group, certain amount of people. I wouldn't say certain group, blacks, no. But a small portion of people wouldn't get their furniture. But if you're giving it to a good number of people, not gonna say certain group, blacks, no. No, but like a small portion of people

wouldn't get their furniture. But if you're giving it to a good number of people, then you're at least like, hey, well that doesn't make much sense. Yeah, they got theirs, what you're saying. Back then, or Google reviews. Yeah, there's no Google reviews. You could do like better business bureau,

but it's like, this is a hassle. And a lot of times where it's like, if somebody was getting conned, my dad would think that they wouldn't go through like these steps to like, oh, figure out that he is a con man or like, I'm going to call the better business bureau and you need a lot of complaints for it to get back to you. Well, what's scary because this is gold. I mean, there's so much great stuff here.

I'm on the edge of my seat, but if this blows up big, guess who's going to come a calling? I know. Yeah. He'd be popping on. Yeah, absolutely. Gary, what do you say? One more job. Yeah. You just get laughed out of Madison Square Garden. You were there for game, Gary was it game seven when the Rangers,

was it game seven? I was at game one, game five, and game seven without a ticket. Game seven. Were they with a cup? Yeah, actually, wait, I could share. With Gary in the Stanley Cup. Yeah, you'd have to go like, Getty images,

but there's some stuff there of like, my dad and I just like, right at the glass, like we eventually link up, and then he's taking a picture as Messier brings the cup, like around. Jesus. And. Okay, Messier Cup. Yeah, you could try that.

And Gary also ended up at Gracie Mansion then. Yeah, so um, yeah so Rudy Giuliani was mayor at the time and then they had the um, oh by the way, those are my hands in that corner. Like if you go down, like, yeah those hands, yeah. Oh my god, the little hands! But yeah, but you gotta, there's a picture, you keep going around. Oh my god

Did you see the kid in the Panthers game behind the road without the shirt? There was a little kid? Yeah, flexing shirtless, but you gotta pull that one up now. I didn't see that But yeah, you got to keep going around. It's like right around the boards where he's gone. Yeah, keep going keep going Might take a minute Jesus. I mean how well yeah, you see those hands again, yeah. Cute. Yeah, you can almost get. Dude, pull up Florida Panthers kid flexing. What year was it? To the Rangers.

That's 1994. Okay, so you were what, 13? I was 11 at this, yeah, 11, yeah. And you sold Coke in college, I believe. Oh my God, yeah, completely forgot. I made like 25 grand, 50 grand, something like that. I walked away with 25 grand. I made 50 grand altogether.

Look at that kid. Yeah, there I am again. Hockey seems like it has a lot of funny shit like that happened. At the Oilers game, that woman took her shirt off and she was like, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great oil cams.

Look at the body. Yeah. But I was like, man, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great oil cams. Yeah. But I was like, man, hockey is, playoff hockey is fucking fun. It's fun. Playoff hockey, yeah. There's so much life in the building. And yeah, now it's the Panthers. It's like, but what I was crazy though is like, you would think like, who wants to be

a Florida Panthers fan? But there are. Florida. They have a good fan base. Oh, new Miami, right? Oh, what the fuck? Yes Oh, that's what you fall for going to New York Times. Yeah I'm gonna show the tits on that one. That's toxic. Yeah, come on. I'm gonna find it on Twitter, dude That's the only one. Let me find this pic. I have it right here. All right, he's got

You need Matt's number or you can send it to me. I'll send it to Matt All right, he's got, he'll, you need Matt's number? Or you can send it to me, I'll send it to Matt. There you go, tits. So you get into Gracie Mansion with your dad. Yeah, I get into Gracie Mansion with my dad and it was, so the Rangers won the cup. I was at game seven. After the game, I go into locker room,

I interview the players, I'm with the cup, watching them all drink the cup. I got a hat signed by the four All-Stars of that year, which is Adam Graves, Mike Richter, Mark Messier, and Brian Leach. I was so happy about that. Yeah, amazing. No offense, but I think I'd be like,

can we get this fucking kid out of here? He's drunk and get blown. Yeah, but I was a familiar face. I've been in the locker room so many times with them too. So then they had the after party, and this was the first time my dad wasn't gonna get us in because you had to have a special pass. They weren't letting press in.

And my dad found a way because some guy came around and you still had rolls of film back in this time. So this guy came around and he asked my dad, he goes, by any chance you have a roll of film I could have? And my dad goes, yeah, if you could get my son into this party. So I went into this party with this guy who I didn't know wow and uh and then we went into

and went into you got it yeah yeah oh my god that's incredible because I like that your dad probably took that as a challenge oh he loved him I'm getting in hey hey Chaz when you're trying to sell your artwork merch or even that old junk from your garage on the internet, you want a global commerce platform that's easy to use. Shopify has you covered. They're here to help you sell at every stage of your business. From the all-in-one e-commerce platform to their in-person POS system. Whatever and wherever you're selling, do it with Shopify. This is a great new thing. I really recommend getting on it.

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So we got cookies brownies, I don't know if you're Expresso brownies his wife made him. Yeah. Yeah I'm excited man Brownies are a little dangerous Yeah, oh yeah, we start on Brownsville? We were just talking last, you weren't on this run, but I did a tour last year on the bus. We just watch movies every night. Right.

And one of the movies you watch is Bullets Over Broadway. Bullets, yeah. That's, I think it's the funniest Woody Allen movie ever. It's one of his. I thought, you know, trying to be a little biased, but I know I'm in it, but it was, if you really listen to the script, it was great what he was saying.

It's amazing. About art and about morality and about every artist creates his own universe. It was pretty incredible, yeah. I really liked it a lot. Yeah, well, how was working with Woody? Woody's great. You know, people always go,

how's it working with him? You know, Woody doesn't talk. Huh. He doesn't talk to the actors. And people, if you're not secure as an actor, it's very, you know, you have to be secure because you walk around, everybody goes, is he like me, is it okay?

Yeah. But he doesn't talk. In fact, I always tell other actors who come to me and say, hey, I'm gonna be working with Woody. I said, if he doesn't talk to you, you're doing great. If he talks to you, you're in trouble. You're in trouble. I remember one time, John Cusack and I, we had a very long scene sitting at the bar when

I'm talking to him and I'm telling him about how I started killing people, you know, and with the ice pick. It was crazy. And Woody shoots in Masters, Masters. So you gotta know your lines. You have to know your lines, otherwise you're in trouble. So him and I, we worked on it, John and I, and then just before we shot, this was his direction.

My hand to God, I'm not lying. Walks over to us and says, I can't do what he put. He goes, wait a minute, hold up. He always goes, wait a minute. He goes, I gotta talk to you guys. And me and John like, oh shit, what do we do? And he walks over to us and he says,

it's a very long scene. He goes, the Knicks go on at eight, speed it up. I love that. The Knicks go on at eight, speed it up. I love that. The Knicks go on at eight. That was a big year, that was 94. I'm actually wearing that team right there, yeah. Oh, sure. Speed it up.

Yeah. Damn. Wow, that's what he said. I respect that. But you know what, it was great direction. Yeah. Because it is a very long scene, and it just gave us the feeling of,

hey man, don't hang on these lines, you know. don't make a meal out of them just go right I thought it was great direction man and I mean I look we're huge fans I don't want to geek out too much but you're a New York guy yeah Bronx tail how the hell do you get that in people's hands because to me that's the hardest part of making in this business oh that was the easiest part. Come on, how'd you get it to them? Well, you know, let me, you know, if you got a minute for the story.

We got booze, we got water. I was working, you know, I was working, when I was nine years old, I was sitting on a stoop in the Bronx where I grew up, and it was a great neighborhood. I don't want to sound like I lived in this drug-infested ghetto. It was a great tiny neighbor You know and I was on a stoop and these cars were one car was backing in the other guy was Looked like he snuck in behind him and I'm looking I saw shit man, you know, there's gonna be a beef now and also one guy Got out with a baseball bat came over smashed the smashed the window. The other guy, I feel like I'm doing the play here,

smashed the window of the other guy in the back, and then the guy got out of the car. And he went to hit him again with the bat, and his friend came over, who was a wise guy, came over from the corner and killed the guy with the bat. Right in front, like from me to you. Wow. And I was just kind of staring at it, you know?

I was like, wow. You know, then the next minute my father dragged me upstairs and then the cops came, because they said the kid was, the kid knows who did it. Oh. Some people said, yeah, the kid was on the stoop. So the cops came upstairs and I,

I don't know if you saw a Bronx deal. Yeah, oh, so many times. I never really went downstairs. As a writer, I, you know I embellished that lineup scene. Upstairs, my father said, he's not going down. He didn't see nothing. And the guy said, look, I'll never forget his line. He said, I didn't pick his name out of a hat.

They said it was him. And my father said, he didn't see anything. Did you see anything? And I said, I didn't see nothing, dad. Wow. But in the movie, I had a a bond Sonny and I somehow. But the next day I was sitting on the stoop and when Sonny walked by he looked at me and went

like I know you know that I know but you're a good kid. And that's how my relationship started with these guys. I'd go get lunch for them, cigarettes for them. So cut to, I had to tell you that, so cut to 30 god knows years later, 40 years later, whatever, and I'm working as a doorman. I used to bounce because, you know,

stand up comic, you do other things till you hit it. I was bouncing and all of a sudden one day I didn't let this guy in and the guy came over to me and he said, you're gonna be fired in 15 minutes, really arrogant. And I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. And the guy was Swifty Lazar. Now you guys are too young to even know

who Swifty Lazar is. He was the biggest agent in the world. Okay. In the world. And I just did not let him into his own party. 15 minutes later, I got fired. Oh boy. I go back to my shitty apartment in West Hollywood

and I said, look, I've been acting all these, I mean, I was in the actor's studio, I just couldn't believe I was in this position. So I said, you know what? If they won't give me a great part, I'll write one myself. So I went to my acting theater and I started writing about the monologue and five minutes, another 10 minutes, another 15 minutes. my acting theater and I started writing about the monologue.

And five minutes, another 10 minutes, another 15 minutes. But at stand-up comics, you understand, I was workshopping in front of a live audience. So I would write 10 minutes and take four minutes, write three minutes, take the best of the three minutes. So at the end of almost a year, I had 90 minutes of this one man show. And then I borrowed money off a friend of mine,

I put it up, and guys, like you said, how do you get in hands? It was a, could you curse here? Could I please? It was a fucking rocket. All of a sudden, two weeks later, I get off a tour, 50,000. For the script, but they don't want me.

They want to put a star on the roll. Sure. Then I said, hey man, I want to play Sonny and I want to write it. They said, forget it. I said, okay, I didn't do it. Crowds kept getting bigger. We got to move into a bigger theater.

They went from 250 to 500,000. $200 in the bank, my hand to God. I kept doing it, doing it. Then they went to $1 million. And again, I said no. Wow. It's a story in Hollywood. You look it up on Google.

Finally, after I turned down the million, about two weeks later, I did the show. I get up stage and the stage manager walks over. He says, hey, Robert De Niro. He's in your dressing room. He just saw the show. So I said, oh shit. So I walked down to my dressing room and Barb is sitting there, you know, he's like, yeah, you know. I said, hey, how you doing? He goes, how are you? He goes, look, I know what's

going on in Hollywood. He goes, everybody I know in Hollywood wants this and I know you get a lot of offers. He goes, and I know, you know, nobody wants to take get a lot of offers he goes and I know You know nobody wants to take a chance with you goes, but I'll tell you what I think you should play Sonny You'll be great as Sonny and you should write it because it's honest. It'll be about your life He goes I'll play your father and I'll direct it and if you shake my hands, that's the way it'll be I shook his hand and that's how the movie got wow that's the way it'll be. I shook his hand and that's how the movie got made. Wow.

Did you have people at the time, like an agent saying like million dollars, you gotta take, were they pressuring you? Yes. And they pressured me saying because all the big, Sam, all the big directors from that, all wanted it. I mean, I don't wanna name you because they're friends of mine.

Every big director wanted it. And they said, why are you going to Nero for? And I said, why am I going to Nero? They said, he never directed before. I said, the man did nine movies for Pardis. He had to learn something. Can I ask, were there any other people that were supposed to play you that you could tell us?

Never. Yeah, never, there was never a meeting that they threw around? I could tell you who came to see it, who wanted to play. Yeah, we loved, never. There was never any news that they threw around. I can tell you who came to see it, who wanted to play it. There was a lot of my friends of mine, man. There were a lot of stars. Well, I can tell you, it was the people who passed. Burt Reynolds wanted to do it. He wanted to do it.

I mean, I know Redford was too old at the time. Ray Shark, he wanted to do it. I heard Redford was up for Godfather too, and I was like, Redford was too old at the time. Great shock you wanted to do. I heard Redford was up for Godfather too and I was like, Redford? As a Corleone? To Redhead. You know who was the big person up for it? More than Redford?

Ryan O'Neil. Ah, that was the whitewashing of Hollywood. Ryan O'Neil was the number one choice because he just did a love story. I know because I was friends with, I was friends with him. But by the way, so glad that you played Sonny. I mean, it's unbelievable. Yeah, I mean, it's the Sylvester Stallone story.

It's like, I gotta play it, you know, I'm rocky. Oh my God, imagine if someone else was rocky. I can't imagine that. You know, it works out for the way, guys, it works out. You know, and I just believe that people said, how could he turn down a million dollars? And I just said, I gotta be honest with you guys, after the 250, it was easy after that.

Because when you got nothing, you don't know. Yeah, it's not real. You don't know, it's numbers to me, it means bullshit. 200, 500, 750, what is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. So it worked out really great, man. Now it's your story. Did you ever get annoyed with De Niro?

I mean, De Niro's a hot shot, big deal, and he's directing your movie. You're kinda going, eh, Bobby, I don't really care for that take. You know what, that's a very good point, but him and I, we got along great. It was one, see, Bob, the thing about De Niro, he's an incredible artist, and the way he is,

I said things that, he was so collaborative with me, and he said to me, he said a brilliant thing to me. He said, it takes just as much talent to recognize a great idea as it is to come up with it yourself. Ooh. And I never. I don't know, I think it's harder to create a thing.

Well, yes, but if somebody comes up with an idea Sam and say well in stand-up it's a little different because you never steal someone's joke right right But if someone comes up with a premise that you say hey I could write a bit on that Yeah, you know and you write a bit on that, but it's not what they said. That's not stealing right right you know so And I don't get too in the weeds here, but I think Hollywood now has a real recognized problem. Absolutely. I feel like they can't see good anymore.

They're just going off business and numbers. But they didn't, I mean, De Niro picked this, although I guess you were getting hit up by everyone at that time. Everyone, everyone, everyone. And that was like a hot time for movies. I feel like the early 90s was like, I feel like the 90s is an underrated decade

for great movies. I'm surprised. 100%. I would go to the bathroom. I had got, it was already, it was already, you know, who produced The Godfather. And I was taking a leak, I'll never forget it. It was at the Palm, the Palm restaurant on Rodeo Drive,

and I was taking a leak, and all of a sudden, some guy goes right next to me He's taking a leak. He goes listen now we're pissing now. He goes I know what's going on, man I'll give you a check for a million dollars tomorrow. I'm already I produced a Godfather and I was like I Said well, I really can't talk right Then he pulled a gun from behind That's how bad it was. I mean it was crazy. You never see anything like it. It was Rocky and then me.

Yeah. It was crazy. That's a great shot right there. Great shot. Well what happened was there was, you know, De Niro, when I went into the, you know, if you ever sat in a coffin, it's kind of like unnerving. Why would we ever sit in a coffin? You said that like it's observation. If you were in a movie or something. So I sat in a coffin and the first 10 minutes was a little eerie, but then it's quite comfortable. So I really laid there, you know, and I was falling asleep.

So I kept falling asleep and we were laughing. He kept going, what the fuck are you doing? And Joe Pesci's there and Joe's going, hey, I got a better shot, let this guy dead. What is he doing here? He goes, he's upstaging me with his fucking snoring. So that's why we started laughing over there. That's pretty cool.

Well, you know why? Because I was in the coffin for 15 hours. What? Because I had to lay there while all the guests came in. And Bob wanted me there. Gee. That's Bob De Niro. He wants the realistic,

because by rights I could have got up and they could have just stared down at a piece of tape. Yeah. But they were all, we were the only actors in the movie. They were untrained actors. So he wanted me to be in there. Man, look how happy he was before Trump.

Did your father have a lot of the same qualities? Did De Niro take on a lot of the same qualities as your father? De Niro says to my father, to me, he goes, listen, now I got a picture of this now. My father's Sicilian, loved Robert De Niro. He was God in our house, De Niro, right? De Niro tells me, he goes, you know, I'm going to fly your father up from Florida.

They lived in Florida. He goes, I want to hang out with him for a month. I said, right? Danero tells me, he goes, you know, I'm gonna fly your father up from Florida. They lived in Florida. He goes, I wanna hang out with him for a month. I said, what? He goes, yeah, he goes, I want him to talk to me about how he drove the bus. And I said, but nobody knows, you know, if you do a famous person, then you gotta do that. But nobody knows my dad.

He goes, no, no, it's important that I do that. So I said, dad, Danero wants to hang out with you. He goes, whoa, no, it's important that I do that. So I said, Dad, De Niro wants to hang out with you. He goes, whoa, Robert De Niro? I go, yeah. Flew my mother father up and for a month, he said, I want your father to teach me how to drive a bus. My father taught him how we do the changer, you know, when you do the changer. He said, and he carried, I get the chills when I think about it.

My father had a cushion. he put the cushion under here and if you watch the movie, exactly like that. Wow. That's unbelievable. Thank God De Niro never played a Nazi. Oh, he would, I mean, God knows God, because he is, I mean, he's a true method actor. Oh yeah.

For taxi driver, oh sorry, for taxi driver, De Niro got a hack license and drove a cab for a while. That's it, that's the picture right there. What was it? In your home that was like this is our De Niro movie that we watched the most, was it like taxi driver, Mean Streets? It was probably, Mean Street was the first. Yeah. In my neighborhood we ever saw that we were like blown away by that. Well that was the great time for movies. Oh, the 70s. You know it was a great time because everything was real then you know so so real and I remember that movie. Then you know I saw another movie that he did right at that same time

called Bang the Drum Slowly and he was great in that too. I mean Bob is you know you know if you want to say one of the great actors of any generation, you would have to say that, yes. Oh yeah, definitely. He's that great, man. And then when him and Scorsese get together, it's really something special. Oh, it's magic.

Well, they have that magic together, you know, and now Leo is there with them, Leo's been great with them, and they're all, you know. It's incredible, he's 80. I think 80, 81, Scorsese, and he's still, he just cranked out Flower Moon. know. It's incredible, he's 80. I think 80, 81 Scorsese, and he's still, he just cranked out Flower Moon. Yes. It's incredible.

And the movies are getting longer. I know. Every movie now, even like, Wolverine Wall Street was like, like the pace of that movie for three and a half hours. I was like, this is crazy. Yeah. You know, a lot of people don't realize

that there's two sets of timing. There's artistic time and then there's real time. You could watch a movie that's an hour and a half, it feels like three and a half hours. Yes. You could watch a movie that's three and a half hours, it feels like an hour and a half. You know, if you watch Goodfellows,

Dancing Wolves, Braveheart, those movies fly. They fly, they're hours. Because artistic time, it feels real. Yeah, I banged my wife for two minutes. Feels like I'm going to die. Not for her. No, no. But what were the movies that made you,

like, I want to make movies? Oh, the O was On the Waterfront. Oh, I just watched it. We just talked about it because we pulled the clip of Orson Welles trashing Elie Kazem, but then at the end going, but he's a very good director. Yeah. On the Waterfront. It's incredible.

Yeah, I mean, that's my favorite movie. I didn't know it was it was Marnie Scorsese's favorite movie. Oh, I didn't know either. And De Niro's favorite movie. What? Yes. Yes. I could have been a contender. It's beautiful.

Yeah, it's like really. Great scriptender. It's beautiful, yeah. It's like really. Great script too. It's a great script and, you know, it's funny. I did a movie with Rod Steiger, you know, so I couldn't wait to do it so I could ask him about On the Waterfront. Yeah. So I said, so Rod, Rod, when you did the scene

in the taxi, you know, I could have been a contender. Tell me about that, you know. I'm like a sponge, I wanna hear everything. And he said, well, after Brando did his closeup, he left. I said, what? You mean you did that? He goes, yeah, I did it to the script supervisor,

young girl. I said, holy shit. You know, Brando did his closeups, then he walked off, then he said, all right, that's it, I'm done. And then so Rod Steiger had to do it with the, yeah. And if you see the blinds, the blinds in the back, what happened was, yeah, you see the blinds?

The first, they forgot to get the blinds, they forgot to get, what do you call, they didn't have the cars going behind them. They forgot that tape. So all of a sudden the first AD said, you know, I saw a taxi with blinds once. Because they answered, put fucking blinds in. Wow. So that's how that happened.

Good note. Yeah, there's a Brando is a menace I heard. If you can find this photo, it's a rare photo, but it's somebody in Godfather is wearing, I think Duvall is wearing cue cards because he's got them right here because Brando wouldn't learn his lines. He doesn't like, now he says he likes doing that, I don't know. There it is. Look at that. Oh wow. He was also flying I think to and from because he was in a custody battle or something during that movie.

Oh really? He was doing a red eye I think to shoot from New York. Ah. And they weren't even going to pick him, right? He likes the feeling of, I don't know, he likes that, like it's new, it's fresh. But you could do that by memorizing your lines. He hated acting.

Come on. Hated it. Really? Yes, said he only did it because of the money. What? Yes, I know that's weird, right? Yeah, because you get these guys like Daniel Day Lewis. I'm gonna be a cobbler,

and then they cobble for eight minutes and they go, all right, give me back to Hollywood. Well, Danny Day Lewis is one of the greats. Sure, agreed. He's one of the greats. But that's true story, man, what Rob said. I was really, you know, but he's like, the cat jumped into his arms.

That cat wasn't supposed to be there. He was on the set. And then when the cat, he, you know, he just said, let it, and he just petted it. That's so funny. And let it go. And he doesn't like acting. Doesn't like acting.

That's what's crazy, just the best, you know, the best of all time. He's the best at it, but he really didn't, he said it. But we talk about like Hollywood, you know, not necessarily getting it right, but like he almost didn't play he said it. But we talk about Hollywood not necessarily getting it right, but he almost didn't play Vito. It's like across the board. It's like they didn't want Coppola.

Yeah, they didn't want Pacino. They didn't want Pacino. Oh, hate it, Al. I talked out, because I did things with Al, and Al told me that when he killed that scene, that was like the third scene he did. So when he killed them, they just looked at the thing and they said, all right, all right, he can stay.

Because he said he was getting fired. Well they say because he was so short, and I relate to it. Evans caught in the midget. So yeah, I was like, come on. Evans caught him. And he's five seven. But yeah, he's five seven,

and it's like to make him look tough, they're trying to figure that out. But let me tell you about Bob Evans, because I did a movie for Bob Evans. And he- I love Bob Evans. I love him. He was great, I loved him.

This guy can make Harvard root for Yale. I mean, he was the best. Wow. He would talk to you. Now, when I did a movie with him, I've been I was around I've been around I did a lot of movies so you come over to me and say Chaz I gotta talk to you. I said, what's that? What's that Bob? He goes I want to tell you something You are the new Bogart the new Bogart for the 90s and I'm in my mind

I'm going I don't believe any of this, right, he walks away and then I go, yeah I could see that. Yeah, you know. I mean, you gotta feel pretty good if he says that. We did, we did. Oh no. That's unbelievable. He would talk, he would say things

and you'd just be mesmerized. If you saw the movie, The Offer, I don't know if you saw it. I loved it. That was Bob Evans. Really, they nailed it. He could, the movie The Offer, I don't know if you saw it. I loved it. That was Bob Evans. Really? They nailed it. He could walk, oh that guy was brilliant. Yeah. He could walk in and just mesmerize a room. Wow. He was great on the, in Kids' Days in the Picture, the documentary. Yeah. I love when he's on the phone. He's like,

you tell that Polock I'm on my way out. He speaks so old school. Yeah, no, he was. You speak so old school. Yeah, no he was. He seemed so cool. I really loved him, he was a good guy man. Oh yeah. He's such a legend. That guy, there was that story that they were trying to get in Chinatown, no not Chinatown, yeah it was Chinatown,

it was Faye Dunn with her trying to get her money down. Oh, we pulled. And he kept trying to get her money down. With the agent? And he kept saying, Jane Fonda's gonna do it. And the agent's like, all right, let me see what I can do. And then she calls back and he goes, she'll do it. He goes, all right, by the way, Jane Fonda was never interested.

I'm telling you, this guy, but you know, Bill Freakin, the great director who I worked with, said to me, he said, Bob Evans, at that time, had the greatest movie mind of anyone he's ever seen. Well, it's banger after bang. And he took risks. It was like, yeah, people were saying that this isn't the right movie. You know, when they did Love Story,

again, you guys are too young for that, but if you've seen it later, when he did Love Story, they said, the girl can't die. The studio's going, the girl can't die at the end. How can you say love, son, the girl dies? And they didn't wanna do it. They gotta shoot another ending, and Bob Evans said,

fuck you, the girl dies. He goes, there won't be a dry eye in the house. That's the movie. It's the love they had for each other. And he got his way, and you know what? He was right. O.J. said the same thing. Yeah.

I mean, Rosemary's Baby is a weird movie. Who would have saw that would be a hit? You know what? He saw it. I always said, when somebody talks like, what about that about O.J.? Who I met, who I knew. But anyway, I always said, and I again I'm not a comic guys

But I always said like around the dinner table when they were like Thanksgiving who's gonna cut the turkey then everybody get a little He puts on the glove the glove fits yeah I'm not talking to me. No, you know great. I don't think I love the idea that OJ is having big thanksgivings. We're going OJ's. We're going to come to OJ's. This is amazing. I love hearing these stories. I've just got to if all these years, they've got so many stories.

We want to hear more. I would love to hear certain lines that happen in a Bronx tale that I'm so fascinated by One is like now you can't know you scared like who came up with that No, oh, you know you were sitting at the bar when he said it. Oh wow The ball when yeah, so that was an act that was a real fight. Oh, that was real Wow Bellis that and I'll never forget it because He was very nice to them because they walked in and they spoke very nice

when they walked in, I have to be honest. And they said, we've been on the road. They said, we just want a few beers. And Sonny was a good guy. And he just said, yeah, yeah, yeah, give them their beers. So they gave their beers and as soon as he walked away, like in the movie, they shook it and splashed it,

but in real life, they didn't do that. They just said, hey man, tell you guys, guineas or something, and they just turned the bottles up. They just turned the bottles up, and they drenched the whole bar and the floor, and they all were laughing, you know? And then I was like, oh shit. You were there for that?

I was on the end stool. Wow! And Sonny walked over to him and said, And I was like, oh shit. You were there for that? I was on the end stool. Wow. And Sonny walked over to him and said, listen, I try to be like a gentleman. You guys took advantage of me. It's not really nice. Now you've got to leave. Very nicely.

And he was like arrogant. Because they were breaking up bars all around in the Bronx. And they said, fuck you. We ain't leaving. He said something about that colors. You see them colors, Guinea or something like that. And then he said, you fucking make us leave. And I'm just like, oh shit.

And I see- Were you worried for them at all? I was looking for a place to go on there because I knew any moment the shit was gonna happen. I knew if guns were gonna come out or anything. And he just looked at him, shook his fucking head, and walked over. Actually, in the movie, in the movie he walks over.

In real life, he just told the guy, he went. In real life, he just went like that, and the guy just walked over, pulled down the shade. He got this big black shade in the front window and they were doing shit and then locked it locked the door and Sonny just looked in and looked back at him he said now you just can't leave. No! Wow. Here it is. Such a good scene. Yeah. Hey that's a good looking Sicilian. See in the movie I did it. How did we? Oh really?

Well I wanted we wanted we liked to come together because we thought it was very like right but we called Bob De Niro called up and they wanted 40 they wanted 450,000 for 40 seconds so then Bob called Michael Jackson and Michael gave it to us for $250. All right. And then the reason why, the original song we had during the fight was Born to be Wild. Born to be, and you know,

and Bob was like, you know what, I might be, he says there might be two on the head. And I said, yeah, you might be right, Bob. So then we were talking and we were laughing. I said, why don't we go with go the opposite way? Like a ballot or something. Yeah, I said and then I was one of us I don't remember who came up with it, but the book of love won Because we figured we play against the comedy. Yeah, it worked. Can we go here? I mean, it's gonna screw us Peter's

Now you can't leave. I will never forget the look on their faces. True. All eight of them. Their faces dropped. All their courage and strength was drained right from their bodies. They had a reputation for breaking up bars. But they knew that instant they made a fatal mistake.

This time they walked into the wrong bar. Come on motherfuckers! No baby! Come on! Let's go! Come on! Really? You gotta understand guys.

Now what year did this take? Early 70s? What this year? No likes? What? This year? No, like this, the real life moment. 68. 68, okay. And what were the numbers like? I mean, how many versus how many in real life? Oh, I would say it was probably even.

Around even. It was like 6, 8 against 8, 8 against 9. It was pretty close. But, but you see these guys here His guys his guys that way that he had around them. You have to realize something These are hardened motherfuckers. Sure. These guys have been in fucking Attica Singsing you can that scare them, right? like a sing-sing, you cannot scare them. And they work for Sonny, and all they do nothing all day is hang with Sonny.

So they can't wait. They can't wait for an opportunity to show how fucking worthy they are. And it was like letting wild boars out of a cage. Rawr! And they decimated them. After they threw them out, the thing that got me was they were yelling like Sonny said,

get their bikes, get their bikes. Their bikes are like God to them. Yeah. They had the bats and they busted the fucking bikes. Damn. Man, oh man. I mean, it was like, you're fucked with us? You fucked with us?

If you wanna fuck with us, you better come back and you better kill us. Yeah, right. He said to him, look at my face. I wanna make sure you know who fucking did this. My name's Sonny and I'm the guy who did it to you. Oh wow. This is another level guys,

of fucking extreme prejudice like you've never seen. Man, well, they're not gonna come back. No, they never did. This won't get reported either, which is kinda nice. They're not gonna go to the police, cause they're healthy. What was the cop situation back in the neighborhood where cops just like, I mean,

I assume Sonny kept the neighborhood safe, like in that movie. Absolutely. They love Sonny. Yeah. Don't forget, Sonny, there was no drugs there. Right. It was like gambling, loan-sharking, you know, numbers, three, two to one, you know. There were some guns though. There was guns.

But, you know. It was the kids, but that's why Sonny didn't want no guns. That's why he uses that scene when he smacks that guy zero and he says, what the fuck are you doing? Said, you're gonna get us pinched around here. He keeps gambling and loan shocking and he's making a lot of money. That's all he wanted to do. Did Sonny die the way you portrayed him dying?

Yes he did. Wow. But I didn't see it. In the movie I see it. I got there just after he died. I would say I got there maybe 20 minutes, an hour, maybe half hour later, and he was already dead. So, and there was the guy, so I just embellished that scene.

Right. You know, you take life. Liberties, yeah. Yeah, you don't really see how. But these are all real events. Right. These are events. Well, similar to comedy, I mean, we do an hour, it's all,

Gary just put out a new special. Every one of your jokes, even though they're one-liners and misdirected, they're all real. Yeah, there's truth and then it goes some, yeah. Yeah, but that's the best comedy, you know? Is that real? You know, when you're talking about that,

I was, people go, was Bronx still your first break? I said it wasn't my first big break. My first break is when I got an agent, and that was in 1980 and 83 before I was here living here and I got a part in I was understudying on Broadway and it was great. An agent saw me, I got signed and so now I go back to my neighborhood. I haven't made it yet but I told all my friends I'm going to be on Broadway, I'm going to be on fucking Broadway, you know, it's very snotty for a young man. So the wise guys come over to me, the guy at the end of the movie, Carmine, you saw

him in the movie? Yeah. So he comes over to me and he goes, hey, come here, see, I hear you're gonna be on Broadway. I go, yeah. He goes, we wanna come and see you. We'll go all the guys. Oh geez. I said, oh, I said, no, I was okay with that.

I said, great. They go, when are you gonna, tell us, can we come on the weekend? I said, no, no, no. I said, you can't come on the weekend. He says, why not? I said, well, I'm an understudy. And he goes, what the fuck's an understudy?

They don't, you know. So I said, well, if something happens to the real guy. Oh, you don't say that to these guys. Oh. Not realizing. If something should happen. Not realizing what I just said. Because I said it like, I said, hey, no, if something

happens to the guy, he gets sick. I said, then I go on. And that was it. I walked away, and I was talking to my friends at the bar. Three minutes later, he walks over to me. And he goes, hey, Chas, come here. You know, they grab he goes, hey Chats, come here. You know, they grab your elbow and they go, come here. You know, they give you the elbow.

It's called the elbow walk, you know. And they walk, he walked me over, so I knew something was up. I go, yeah, what's up? He goes, you wanna go on? No. So I say to him, I go, I'm sorry, what do you mean? He goes, come on, you wanna go on?

I go on way, he goes, Broadway. Then I realize what he said. I said, no, no, you can't do that. I can't be involved in that, you can't do that. He goes, don't worry, we'll make it look like a muggy. He goes, nobody's gonna, no, it'll look like a muggy. Two, three weeks, he's in the fucking hospital. Hey, break a leg.

All right? Two, three weeks. Please, I said, she's in the fucking hospital. Hey, break a leg. All right? Two, three weeks. Please, I said please promise me you won't do this, please. And he said all right, all right, I won't do it. So that night, I go to the theater. Now as an understudy, you have to watch every performance because you gotta go on, you know. So I'm sitting there and the understudy, the guy,

was such an asshole to me through the whole run. And I'm sitting back there, Sam, and I'm sitting there and the younger study, the guy, was such an asshole to me through the whole run. And I'm sitting back there, Sam, and I'm going like this, you don't know how fucking lucky you are. I said, you are fucking lucky I'm a nice guy. Because right now you'd be in a hospital. And I never forgot that. But that's real life. Yeah, and that actor was Stephen Hawking.

So before you got here, Gary was telling us about some stories about his father, who was a con man. Right. Did you ever run across any con men in your early days? And how were they treated by the wise guys? Con men, they were all con men. They were all actors. We had a guy, Gary the thief. Did we call him? He a guy, Gary the thief. You know?

We call him. Yeah. He's a little on the nerves. Gary the thief. This is in the 60s, bro. Remember the gold, you know, they used to have gold chains, everybody had, so what he would do is he got an overcoat. So he robbed a dummy out of Sears Roebuck. It was called Sears Ro his Roebuck at that. He took the arm off the dummy and he put it in the overcoat, sewed it in and got a glove and sewed it on to the dummy. He put the overcoat on with one arm and then closed it and walked into the store. And they had, back then they didn't really have

cameras but they would watch you. And he walk in and the guy would put gold change. So as the guy put gold change, Gary would be like this, he'd be looking and the guy would put gold chains. So as the guy put gold chains, Gary would be like this, he'd be looking at him and if you watch him, you would see his hand and the other hand here. His other hand, he would put through the coat. He would put through the coat and just take the gold chains.

I mean, you can't, these guys were geniuses. I love how on the nose all the nicknames were too. It'd be like Gary the Thief, what does he do? Well. Well, all gone, man. There was this other guy, my friend Jimmy Scanlon got arrested, so he's dead. But he would rob for you.

He would go, but he goes, I'm different. I'm a different thief. He goes, we go shopping together. We walk up Fordham Road. You see something in the window. You say, I want that. I give it to you for a third. We go, how you gonna do that? Don't worry, just let me handle it.

And you walk away, he comes walking down, you steal it somehow, and you pay him a third. Damn. Unbelievable. Amazing. It's so simple. So simple. Just come shopping with me, pick it out,

and I'll give it to you. Was there anything they looked down upon? They were like, we don't do that. Like that's the type of crime we don't mess with. Drugs, drugs are a big one, right? There were drugs there, there were a lot of, you know with drugs, there were both there, but I, it was a funny drug story.

They're all dead, so I guess, I don't wanna say their names, but I walk by and I see this one guy, Nikki. He's sitting there on a- Nikki drug dealer? No. He's sitting there, two addicts on each side of him, like this.

My friend, this guy Roy and this guy Charlie. And they're going, come on Nikki, you can do it. And they got ice and they're putting it on his, you know, his EOD, and they're putting it down his balls, and I said, holy shit, they're gonna take this guy to the hospital, he's gonna fuckin' die. Come on, Nicky, come on, you can do it, you can do it. Right, all of a sudden, all of a sudden I see this,

and I'm watching, I go, fuck, I said, Nicky, Nicky's gonna die, and all of a sudden, he opens his eyes and he goes, he wakes up and he goes, wow, that was some good shit. I'm just looking at myself, you almost fucking died. Wait a minute, but here's the caveat. I come back later, Roy's in the fucking middle. And they got ice on him.

I said, you can't be doing this. Are you kidding? Are you fucking kidding me? Holy shit. You just saw your friend almost die and you take it? Are you fucking kidding? Must be good stuff. Yeah, I guess so.

My wife's cookies, great stuff. No, I mean that's like crazy shit. Other than Bronx Tale, what movie do you get recognized for the most? The Usual Suspects. That was classic. Bullets over Broadway, of course. And also Analyze This. Yeah, that was great. There's some great scenes with De Niro in that too.

Oh yeah. That was a funny movie. That's a funny movie. And Bob was great in that. And he was skeptical about doing that because he said, I don't want to make fun of the characters I play. And I said, Bob, I'll never forget it when I read it. I said, Bob, if you played his part, you and Jim Carrey, you're going to be fighting over parts.

Oh, yeah. I'm telling you, man. I'm telling you. And he was great in that. And also Joe Vitarelli, right? Joe Vitarelli, great. He was so funny in that too, yeah. Joe Vitarelli was great in that, man. No. Yeah, there they are, yeah.

How was Kevin Spacey? He killed that role. Well, in that scene, like, I mean, you're talking to him. Yeah. Kevin was. I did two movies with Kevin. One of the greatest actors I ever worked with. Oh, he's incredible.

Kevin in, obviously, Hurly Burly, he was brilliant. And he was brilliant in The Usual Suspects. The funny thing about The Usual Suspects, I was going on another movie, so I only had 10 days to shoot Usual Suspects. I said, look, I could do it, but I only got like eight days to give you. And they said, we'll figure it out.

So what they did was the first eight days of the shoot, they put me and Kevin Spacey in a room and we did all our scenes. Oh, really? That's what they asked if it was all just there. We just did all our scenes and then I left and then they started the whole movie. Did you know this was gonna be a cult classic

when you were making it? No, no. We all said it's really unique and it's really different and if he could put this on screen, what we're reading, it'll be brilliant, and he did. So you knew the ending and everything? Like, you knew, oh god.

Well I guess you have to, because you, yeah he gets the, yeah. The mug dropping is so iconic. I mean, we talk about this movie that spoofs it all the time, The Accused. Right, right, right. Yeah, Leslie Nielsen. It cracks me up, yeah. Oh they spoofed it. Yeah, they spoofed it all the time. Oh yeah. The accused. Right, right, right. Leslie Nielsen.

It cracks me up. Oh they spoofed it. Yeah they spoofed it. Oh it's one of the great endings. Oh yeah. It's one of the great endings. And then we'll do, yeah, do we have a wrong clue? Yeah.

And people always ask me, did you know, who Kaiser, I said listen, I'm in the fucker movie and I don't know who it was. You know. Really, oh so you didn't know that. Everybody thought, till this day, Gabriel Burns still says, I was Kaiser Sosa. Ah!

And I go, Gabriel, babe, it wasn't you! It was Spacey. It was Spacey. In what world does he believe that? That's crazy. They all thought they were Kaiser Sosa. Oh, really? Yeah.

You know, it was so crazy. I mean, it's so amazing. What a great cast. Yeah, young Steven Baldwin. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've seen this? No, this is just so. I mean it's I mean so amazing what a great great cast yeah young Paul and Baldwin This is just so I never saw this Nielsen's never not funny great jokes in this that Don Johnson I think you got to back it up a little bit Bad guy

Smart move. That is funny. It is straight up from the usual suspects. Adam Ross from America's Most Wanted. That's who it is. That's straight up from the usual suspects. Born on the shores of the Yuralava River in Rapada. I'll always read the bulletin board.

Husky jerks brought me to Slammish Lug, South Dakota. I'll always read the bulletin board. Husky jerks brought me to a slimy slug South Dakota, up there by Timberdoodle. Timberdoodle. Salty dog shrimp. Oh, I can't go fishing this afternoon. I've got a big meeting over at Minnsrum. That's great.

Oh my god. Water skiing accident. That is fucking funny. Freeze Harrison, don't move. That is funny. Where's the mug? It's right here. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, no they. I've never seen you around here. Mr. Bison. Bison Frog. Oh shit, this is a direct ripoff. Oh yeah. Timberdoodle. Timberdoodle. But you know what, if you're going to rip something off, rip something off like this. Yeah. Yeah.

There it is. Wow, that's funny. That's classic. Oh, water balloon. That's your shit, man. Yeah. I gotta ask, you're in The Simpsons. Yeah.

Right? No. Oh, yeah. Classic. Water balloon. That's good shit man. You're in The Simpsons. Yeah. Right? No. It's Joe Montaner. Come on. Sorry.

He looks like he's in The Simpsons. No, no. I think that. I've done a lot of voiceovers but not this much. They do a Bart episode that kind of feels like a Bronx Tale ripoff a little bit. Yeah. The Fat Tony, the original one does feel like they're kind of doing Bronx. Oh, the Fat Tony.

Oh, Bronx Tale has been, but I take it as an homage. Of course. I don't buy it, it doesn't bother me at all. Yeah, Bart the Murderer. Oh, okay. Yeah, so it doesn't bother me at all, man. All right. I get off on that.

How do you feel about a guy like Spacey not being able to work anymore? Well, you know, he's a great actor. People don't realize, look, I don't know obviously any details, but all I know is he was acquitted. That I know, he was acquitted. He's never been convicted.

And all I can say about that time in Hollywood, a lot of people were getting like really killed. And they were putting, the problem was if you did a little something, whatever it was, they would put you in the, you know, where you were like one of the worst. Bad guy. You guys all together.

Right. You know, so I think, I hope one day that he gets back. I think he deserves to be back. I think he's a brilliant actor. And I think it was a rough time in Hollywood. But we'll see. We'll see what happens. What would his mob nickname be, Mark?

What was it? What's that? What would his mob nickname be? Kevin the Touchy. He is a great actor. Al's great, man. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

What a hunk. He always has a different 70s movie on his screen. Always, always. So he's dog day. Cause he looks like he's. On goodbye or something. I said to Al once, I said, Al, what's the secret to your longevity?

And he said, my hair. Ah. Yeah. He does have a full head of hair still. That's what he said. Things aren't looking good for me. Yeah. I'm out.

He died next week. He said my hair. De Niro too. He's a great guy, great actor, man. Oh yeah, oh amazing. You know, the bigger you are, I believe a lot of big stars, they're just great guys. It's the people who are not really stars,

but they're like pissed off, they're not. Same thing with comics. The ones that want to be really, think they should be up here, but they're not, they're not. Same thing with comics. The ones that want to be really, think they should be up here, but they're not, they're angry. Just like comics are angry. Well, comics are the most angry. Yeah, we're critical.

Yeah, I mean, whenever, because a lot of my friends are comics, and if I come up with something funny, they'll never laugh. They'll just go, that's funny. Right, we're numb inside. You're numb. Yes. They'll say to you, that's funny. Who are you friends with? Oh, you're friends with Chris DeStefano, right? Oh, that's funny. Right. We're numb inside. You're numb. Yes.

They'll say to you, that's funny. Right. Who are you friends with? Oh, you're friends with Chris DiStefano. Oh, Chris DiStefano. And you did his sitcom. I did his sitcom. I played his father.

That's right. Chris is hilarious. Love Chris. I think there's a, you know, you guys, and I've seen, listen, I'm fans of you guys too. Hey! Thanks, man. Your comedy specials, no, no, no. Those were great on your comedy set. Funny man, those are funny bits.

Well, now's you can't leave. No. No, I swear, I was watching some of the podcasts. I saw that when you did about the Greek. I thought that was very funny. A Greek restaurant, the woman ordered a muffin. She read the page. I found that so hysterical.

That was in Greece. A woman was like mad she couldn't get a muffin. Like you're in fucking Greece. Yeah. I was living in St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands in the 70s. Wow.

And we would go to this place, you know, and order food and they would fuck up the order every day. But I mean, fucking up to the point, you would order a piece of chocolate cake, they'd bring you a hamburger. Not even close. And we were sitting there one day, this is a funny story, we were sitting there one day,

and we're like laughing, I was a singer, I was in a rock band back then, and we were laughing, we were talking with each other, and this guy walks in, you could tell, he was a guy, two kids, guy from Manhattan. He goes, excuse me, I'd like to order a pastrami sandwich. And the guy's like, yeah, okay. And he goes, I want a pastrami sandwich,

I'll forget it, on rye, on rye, could you heat the bread? I want it sliced paper thin, sliced to pickle, and make sure you don't totally. Sounds like a Jew, by the way. I don't wanna, hey what do you want? And all of a sudden the guy looks at him and goes, and he turns to the microphone and he goes, one pastrami.

That was it. The guy got up and walked out the door. Wow, I'm never going to a brothel in St. Thomas. You ordered the cock, right? Wow, yeah, that was, oh my god. I went to St. Thomas, I will say the food was not great. No, it wasn't. But, you know, it's beautiful. No, it's gorgeous, but you know, mostly alcoholics who lived there.

Oh yeah, that's why I was there. Mostly alcoholics. It's like Key West, it's all alcoholics. Oh yes, exactly, exactly like Key West, exactly. No, I love comedy, I love stand up comics because I think that's the hardest of all the art forms. I really do, truthfully, because it's, I mean, because if you do your bit once on television, all right, now I gotta do it again.

Brand new. I gotta do it again. You gotta do it new. I mean, to me, I mean, again, I'm a lot older than you guys. My favorite comic of all time was Richard Pryor. Sure, yeah. I thought, I always liked people who break barriers, and I thought Pryor at that time broke the barrier

of what's funny and what's a joke and what's real life? That's funny. Yes, and I could I mean George Carlin too in a way. Definitely, but I just thought prior was great and Well to make that that divorce funny where he leaves his wife's house with the car He was all high on coke and he freebase and coke He shoots the car tires to make all that so that so funny, I mean that was in the news, that's kind of like the Will Smith slap or Malaney going to rehab. He did it back then in 77.

70s, nobody did that. Nobody did that. And to talk when he set himself on fire? Yes, yes. That was his closer, he uses the closer. Closer, he said he was running down the street and some bum said, hey, you got a light? Yeah, it's unbelievable. That shit is funny,. Yeah cops, they don't shoot cars, they shoot.

Yeah, I mean that's it. So he was my, and I knew Robin really well. Oh sure. And I thought Robin was great. I mean I used to say, wow who could follow Robin Williams man? I mean, no. How do you follow that guy even if you're great? The only person who followed him was the drug dealer And the comics of today, I mean all you guys are great but I mean it's hard if you guys because you gotta be fun you like you like Strap because you got to be watch out for canceled culture. You can't do this. You can't do that I mean, well, I think it's switching back. Oh, it's swing. Yeah You can't do this, you can't do that. I mean.

I think it's switching back. It's swinging back. Swinging back, and it helps a little. You know what, another comic, I was in the Comedy Cell and I saw this comic there and I seen him a bunch of times. Gary Vuter? He's really not a household name.

But I thought he was great. It was Dave Attell. Oh, Attell is unbelievable. The guy in New York. I thought his humor was brilliant. He's literally all of our heroes. Really? I mean, he's like our favorite. I thought he was brilliant. And guy in New York. I thought his humor was brilliant. He's literally all of our heroes. Really? I mean, he's like our favorite.

I thought he was brilliant. And one of my favorite comics who makes me fucking laugh, who I think is brilliant, is Colin Quinn. Oh, yeah. Last week. Yeah, Colin. Actually, Colin and I, at the Cellar the other night, we were talking about how Bullets Over Broadway

is our favorite Woody Allen comedy. I mean, Andy Hall, too, but it's like, for laugh out loud, Bullets Over Broadway, it just gets me, man. It's so funny. There's so many funny lines in it. You know what's funny about Woody is, Woody, you know, he would allow some people to improvise

and some people not. So he would always tell me, Chas, you know, go, just go. And I said, I know, Woody, but Woody Rode is funny, you know, and he goes, all right, say it, but we'll do one like that and you just go. I said, okay, so the scene where I kill Woody, but what you wrote is funny, you know, and he goes alright say it but just but we'll do one like that Then you just go I said, okay So the scene where I kill olive and that was all he said you do your thing. I said when I'm walking I'm in the car whatever we get I go. Yeah, it's a moonlight cruise. That was all improv, you know When you say by the way, you're a terrible fucking actor the actual line

The actual line was all of you're not ready for Broadway. And then I shoot her. And then I did that, I said, Woody, can I say something else? She goes, say whatever you want, Chas. So I walk over there and she goes, I'm about to kill her. I go, Olive, something you have to know, you're a terrible actor. So much funnier.

And then I kill her and then I walk away and I go, that fucking voice, like a knife in my heart. He just loved it. And then Diane Weiss and I go, that fucking voice, like a knife in my heart. He just loved it. And then Diane Weiss kept saying through the movie, don't speak, don't speak. So I said to Woody, I said, Woody, I wanna say that line, don't speak. He goes, you can't say the line, that's her line.

I said, I know, but I wanna say that line. He goes, it doesn't fit, you can't say that line. Okay, so finally cut to the end of the movie. I do this scene where I get shot and I fall down and he comes on top of me, John Cusack, and I go I go, the rude, I go, Sylvia Poston, say she was pregnant, make a great ending, and I die. I do it like Woody wanted, so then I go, Woody, can I, he goes, we got it, that's a wrap, that was great, I go, please let me do one more, he goes, we got it, that's a wrap, that was great. I go, please, let me do one more. He goes, we got it. I go, Woody, I'm begging you, one more.

And he goes, okay, we shoot again. I lay down and he's just about to speak, John Kusik, and I go, don't speak. Don't speak. And I put my hand down at the end, at the end, after I say it, after I tell him about Sylvia Poston, and then I die. Fucking Woody looks at me and goes,

like you son of a bitch and you know what, he kept it in. Wow. That's crazy. That's so cool. He kept it in. Would you have a soft spot for gangsters, Woody does? Yes he does.

Yeah. Very much. I wonder what that is, that he's enamored with it for some reason. I don't know, that's a very, you know, he does have a soft spot. Like what does, what's another movie that he has? Oh well, Smalltime crooks was yeah

Broadway Danny Rose, oh Danny Rose great one Planned a film for him soon. Yeah Great film remember in Annie Hall the guys like hey, I'll be sing over here that happened You know that what that happened happened. He told me goes. Yeah. Yeah, I saw you on the Johnny Carson That happened to him and he put it in. What I think is so beautiful about that is he's like, when What's Her Name shows up, What's Her Name, Diane Keaton shows up. He's like, thank God you arrived.

I'm with the cast of The Godfather over here. She's in The Godfather! That's right! Good catch. That's awesome. Damn. Wow, you know I never caught that thank you either I mean either what she in the Godfather's a time. Yeah, of course. Yes. It was

That was she was a Godfather one, but one was any hole that was 70 seven. Oh, that was 76. Yeah Holy shit good. Yes never that. Cast of the Godfather. He must have known. Obviously. I wonder if he realized, he had to. He had to. Yeah. I think it's probably part of the joke. Woody is a classic man.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Great comic. Great comic. And it was amazing. It still holds up. You know the stand up, I saw, I was listening, cause I tell you I'm a fanatic with stand up,

I love to listen. And I listened to one of his stand ups on record and he was doing, he goes, yeah I came from a very poor home he goes we went to the we went to a handicapped place to get a pet my my dog studded you know funny you know and I said this is funny shit. He goes I go to a rabbi he's reformed he's a Nazi no he's great he's great I love what he man what he is uh you know I've been very fortunate I worked with a lot of great directors and actors over the years yeah I read his biography stage

fright his his manager had to push him literally push him on stage he would throw up and everything he just did not want to be in front of I know a lot of actors who are great actors who have that. Who have that, you know, and I never had that. I wonder if the stage fright, I mean, especially for Woody, I mean, when he goes out there, that helps him. Just being, you know, it's like, yeah, you use that and it kind of- Makes you present.

Yeah. He's not any more comfortable on stage on camera than he is off camera. Right. He is. I mean, I was flying with him to, on a private jet with him and his wife and me. Was my wife, yes, my wife was with me at the time.

And he was, and through the whole, the thing about him was he reads all the time. You never see him without his face in a book. And I thought I was going to be able on the private plane to talk to him. You know, to say, well, when you did this, tell me about it. Because I'm a fanatic about film and about history and about, I want to know everything, every story. But I really didn't talk with him a lot on the plane because he read and I didn't want to interrupt him, you know. Yeah, yeah. And he was like that, so I didn't want to bother him.

But I think he reads because he gets ideas. Think about it. He's on Epstein's plane. He's like, will you put the book down? I want a story. Think about it. He's editing a movie, one movie, while he's shooting another movie and writing another movie.

I don't understand how that even works. That's so much stuff. How do you do that? He's probably the most prolific filmmaker of our lifetime. Absolutely, yeah. Sometimes, so I did, I sat down and I go, what are you doing? I gotta be honest.

So a few times I did get a chance to talk with him. I said, how do you, you know, how do you judge all the work? I said, you're gonna be probably directed 80, 90 movies by the time. And he said, you know, Chaz, I look at it this way. If I direct 80 movies, 90 movies, he goes, all I care about, maybe 10 will be great.

They'll say it's great. Maybe another 20 will be, ah, they're good. Maybe another 20 will be like, ah, they were okay great. Maybe another 20 will be, ah, they're good. Maybe another 20 will be like, ah, they were okay. And maybe another 20 will suck. He goes, it's not about that. He goes, you just put it out there. You put it out there and let time and art judge it. Interesting.

One of the things I read back when he was doing standup would say that he would say that he would say a new joke on a Saturday night because that's the best time to do it because it was be a packed house. Try that new joke right in the middle of your set to really get a good reaction. And the only way you know it if it's gonna work is in that setting.

That makes sense. Yeah. I got a question for you guys. Do you ever have a joke? You say, this is a great bit. And you do the bit and it bombs for whatever reason. Do you? Well, we could think it's a great bit. And you do the bit, and it bombs. For whatever reason. Well, we could think it's a great bit,

but if it just never works, isn't a great bit a question? But do you try it again, but different? You rewrite it? Yeah, yeah. He's the king of that. Mark will hone a joke to death. You don't give up on bits.

No. I had one actually I ran by you years ago, that I think I just got to hit over. Hey! It's funny how some bits come back. They stick in the back of your mind. The premise of the joke was basically like, I say if you're a guy in a relationship,

you think you should always be able to have sex. You know, and your girlfriend will say, you know, I look at sex in a relationship like Wi-Fi, we should always be able to get on. And the woman is like, well, I don't owe you sex. I'm like, yeah, but you're my only provider. Oh! You know what I mean?

Perfect, yeah. So then what do you do? You take her out to dinner, that's like I owe you sex? I'm like, yeah, but you're my only provider. Oh! Yeah, yeah. Perfect, yeah. So then what do you do? You take her out to dinner, that's like customer service, right? Oh! Turn them on. So then, that's like the reset. They say reset your router.

So while you're out at dinner, you're like, are you turned on yet? Ah! Because if you're not, I think I'm gonna have to try to steal my neighbors. Oh! Maybe twist the neighbors. Right, right.

Scrape shit. That's good stuff. Ran that by you fucking maybe four or five years ago and it was just in a Word doc. I'm like, I gotta try it. So I was in Lexington and I was like, try it, hit. Mom, punch in between. But I got that one, I think.

I'll tweet the neighbor part, but it's something there. I learned that when I was with this group called the New York Comedy Plays in the 70s and we were an improv group. And there was this bit, Tom Wilson, I'll never forget, he passed on. He was a great actor and a great writer and he passed on of AIDS, a great, wonderful actor.

And he wrote this bit about Marlon Brando was a acting teacher. And I played Brando and he was the student. And I wrote this and I said. Was it that Tom Wilson from Biff? No. And I said, Tom, this was the student. And he wrote this. Was it that Tom Olsen from Biff? No. And I said, Tom, this is not funny. I don't think, so we did it and it bombed.

Bombed. And then we did it again and he goes, let me rewrite it. He rewrote it and we did it again. And it was like, you know, it was a little funnier. Do you know this fucking guy kept working on it and he actually made it funny? And I never forgot that. As a writer myself, I said,

sometimes you gotta just hang in there. There are times you just gotta let it go. Well, this is what I don't get is when Hollywood says that something's not good, they'll be like, oh, they'll give you notes on something and then it'd be like, all right, this isn't gonna work. But it's like, we just rewrote it. We could rewrite it again, the same idea that got this know, got this meeting, so why can't we come back to the same idea?

They don't understand the process of like, all right, maybe this doesn't work, but we could get it to work. We could get it to work, but that's why stand-ups break, because no one gets in our way, except the audience is it. The audience is a part of the editing, which is like, it's collaborative,

it's kind of awesome that like, I did five shows in Kentucky over the weekend, and like, one of the door guys was like, I did five shows in Kentucky over the weekend and like I'm One of the door guys was like I see that you're making notes throughout the show I was like you have to you know, but it's it's fun It's like exciting to go up there and kind of bomb a little bit because you know what you're bombing for a reason Yes, you're doing it to get to the jokes. It's a puzzle. You can you get better every time I remember when I I did I did a movie with Chris Rock, who I know very well, great comic. It was kind of like a redo of the Burt Reynolds one,

Heaven Can Wait, right? Down to Earth. Yes. Oh, Down to Earth was, yeah. And I said to him once, I said, Chris, I remember we were eating lunch, I said, did you have a bomb? He goes, everybody bombs.

Like it was fascinating to me the way he said it, he goes, we all bomb. Everybody bombs. So I said, well, what's the main thing a comics gotta learn? Because I'm intrigued about comedians. I said, what's the main thing comics gotta learn? And he said to me, he goes, I forget, he says, don't be afraid of the silence. He said, don't be afraid of the silence, just go.

And I was fascinated with that when I, you know, because I love the art form and I always like to learn it, you know. Well he's one of our favorites, we all love Chris Rock, and I used to see him go up at the cellar and he would bring a legal pad and he would get silenced the whole time. And I remember being a young comic like, that's weird, it's like one of my heroes is bombing for 20 minutes. And then I would see him the next night killing with the same material because he added something to it, he added a little more energy to it, he had his delivery down and that was a big learning experience for me. But Rock at the Cellar is my favorite because it's him,

he's not doing the performance really, he's just trying the jokes. So it's like bare bones Rock, it's awesome to see him in a theater or an arena too, but like at the cellar It's so cool to see a comic like that his mind at work because he's so he's so good with current events with social commentary And he's so good at appealing to the entire country, which is kind of lost now I think you have a social commentary in a way where like everyone is laughing. Well, he has such a good angle I remember he had a joke years ago, decades ago about Hillary Clinton running. I guess it was decades, but it was a while ago when she was running. And he was like, hey Hillary Clinton, why would you want to work at a place you got cheated on? If I got cheated on at Red Lobster, I wouldn't go want to work at Red Lobster. And I was like, but that's a take everyone can get behind. But it's about

a presidential candidate. But it's really about relationships. And that's the genius of Chris Rock. Yeah, I mean, we were having lunch one day and John John Kennedy just died in the Plank Ramp. Junior. Junior, and I sat down, I said, wow, I said, Chris. I said, what the fuck, you got all that money, I mean, just hire a fucking pilot.

And I really meant that, I was really, I didn't mean to be, I didn't want to. I said, you got all that money, hire a fucking pilot, what's the big deal? And we're not missing a fucking beat, we're eating and he said, Chaz, all you gotta do is walk across the street, there's an airport with his fucking name on it.

Ah! Ah, ah, ah! That's fucking great. Unbelievable. That's hilarious. He said, you know when he died, we all got a little bit cuter. That's a handsome man. If I was going gay, I'd go J.M.K. Jr.

That's the most handsome man you ever fucking saw. I was like 10 when he died, I was like, that's a hot guy. Yeah, same. There's a photo in his shirtless. He came over to me at a restaurant, the maid at Deacon, I said, John Kenny, I a photo in his shirtless. Yeah, I mean, he came over to me at a restaurant. The maid at Deacon, I said,

John Kenny would like to meet you. He's a big fan of yours. And I said, he wants to meet me? I go, yeah, he wants to come over. I go, yeah. So he came over and I stood up and I shook his hand. I looked at him, I go, this motherfucker is perfect. Ha.

I mean, his hair, hat hair. Beautiful hat hair. I mean, thick black hair. I mean, gorgeous. I mean, gorgeous. Yeah. Gorgeous. I mean, you know what, I was like, oh my God.

Is that his son? Who's that kid? No, he didn't have a kid. Gay grandson. Gay grandson. All right, so there's hope for me. Coming to HBO Max. This is Johnny the Homo.

All right. Look at that guy on the left. I mean, come on! That's a good looking guy. Look at that guy with his shirt off. They were having problems. The wife. He would be running for president.

Oh yeah. I'd vote for him Yeah, you gotta go from just on looks. Yeah The shark fin tooth QAnon still anything that's wrong with the guy. Yeah, good looks get you a long way look at me Puffing up the guy, just sounds like a gay joke. He's perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Motherfucker's perfect. He's a 10, everybody take off your pants. You know what's funny about growing up in my neighborhood,

when you grew up in my neighborhood, if you said, oh yeah, you know, that guy Joey, yeah, you know, he's like, hey, that guy's a good looking guy. Right, right, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then we get this, you know, suck his dick. Yeah. What do you wanna do? Yeah, times have changed.

Now it's all about the gay jokes. But statistically, somebody in that crew had to be gay. Yeah. I think. Statistically. Most likely. I don't know about that. Alright.

We had a gay president. Speaking of gay, you're making me think of the Sopranos now. Did the Sopranos ever hit you up to come on? Oh, it's a great story about the Sopranos. I was offered, not, I wasn't first to be offered, so let me clarify that. But I was offered in 1997, the role of Tony Soprano. What?

Whoa! Wow. But there were people ahead of me that got offered. Let me be honest, there was Ray Liotta was offered. Ah. And a few other people turned it down. Then they got to me and again, and I said I couldn't do it at that time

because I was making music. And I read the script, I loved it. I thought it was a great pilot. But I just didn't want to do television at the time. So I said no. And eventually it went to the guy who should have been playing it all along was Jimmy Gandolfini who was brilliant.

Who was the best Tony's. that anybody could have been and so I only after that I I just never got off at another part I thought maybe he I thought maybe David was upset with me but I just couldn't do it at that time and you know I was never on it no yeah well I think I'm me and John to tour. Oh the only two times I would never Well the kid who played you in the movie is on soprano, he was on yeah season two Yeah, camera. He's got a super whoopie name camera his name. Yes. I'm half half Italian Yeah, well half Sicilian, oh come on, I'm a hundred percent Sicilian Wow Really you have Sicilian. Oh, yeah, I'm 100% Sicilian. Wow, that's, you know. Really, you're half Sicilian? Oh yeah.

Shit man. Everyone thinks you're Jewish though. I know, yeah. Kentucky's like, Mark's not Jewish? Well I'm half French. Before you got here, you were saying he's half Jewish. Oh, the rabbi. Oh, it matters who you're, well I'm half Jewish.

The rabbi came to my show in Kentucky and he goes, Mark's not Jewish? I was like, not Jewish. Everyone thinks you are. But you're Jewish. I am, yeah. Yeah, same. Yeah.

Jewish comics are great. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, why is it only, it's only, well, it's more now. I mean, I gotta be honest with you. I listen to, but maybe it's because of the time. I was listening to Freddie Prinze's comedy.

Now I'm listening to it now and it's not that funny now. Doesn't hold up. Am I wrong? I don't really comedy now. I'm listening to it now, and it's not that funny now doesn't hold I don't really know I never got into I mean well he died 21 right It doesn't hold up, but he's huge in the 70s. Yeah big I mean he was like no one it did that before right that he was cool and cool and cute But I wouldn't say super funny like like Richard Pryce's comedy still holds up. Oh yeah, what are you yelling? Carlin Dangerfield. Carlin Dangerfield. Yeah.

I asked Chris Rock once, I said, I said, who do you think is the hardest person to follow? Who do you think is the hardest person to follow? In L.I. or in L? L.I. Oh, L.I. Geez, I mean the funny thing is like really famous guys in the cellar aren't that hard to follow because they're usually coming to work out. Right.

So that's the only time really following them. So it would be someone that you maybe haven't heard of. You know what we said? Danger Phil. Chris said Danger Phil is the hardest guy to follow. He said he would come out and just tear the place up. Wow. But not that he was afraid to follow him, he would follow him. But he- Following Rocket the seller is great because I feel like the crowd's just in a great mood. Yeah.

They're not, they're kind of like, oh. They're happy to see him. They're like, oh shit, some of us are here on vacation, now we're playing with house money, like whoever made that, we're good, we're in a good mood. So in other words, when you guys are working on your set, you know some of it's going to bomb, right? If you're working out, yeah.

If you're working on it for a special. Yes. Okay, but that takes a lot of self-confidence to say, some of these people have never seen me before, but I'm willing to bomb in front of them for my art. Yeah, it's the only thing we're confident in. Everything else, a little shame. Well, you gotta have a lot of humility to bomb.

Yeah, and look, there's some comics who don't write and they just play the hits for years and they don't want to bomb and they always kill. But yeah, short money and it's not a fulfilling life, I don't think. Trying something new is very hard. I mean, you're in the middle of a set, it's going well, and you're like, oh, here's the new one's coming up

right now, are they gonna hate me and this is gonna bomb right after? Is it too mean? But you gotta say it because then you gotta figure it out. Yeah, here's the question I like to ask all three of you. It's funny. And that is, as a writer, if you have your whole bit, you know what you're gonna close with.

But the bit right before the last bit is so fucking funny, it tears the house down. Do you walk off then? I've had this on The Tonight Show. The second to last bit killed, got an applause break, and I did the last bit and it wasn't as good as the one before it and I regretted it. You know it's funny, every comic I speak to goes,

nah, I gotta do the end. I did it, you gotta do it? They go, nah, me, I leave. You push the luck, but at the same time in your head, you're thinking, damn, that was such a good bit that I just said. As you're saying that last bit and you're hoping that it's gonna be hard to top it,

especially if that second bit killed. You're gambling a little though, doesn't it? It is. It is gambling. You're like, I could win another hand. Yeah. That's exactly what they say. Yeah.

You guys have that thing, man. But that's what makes you who you are, man. Roll the dice again. And you wanna share these bits, so it's like, you like that one, here's the last one that I know is even better than that one. Watch this one. Yeah.

Oh dude, we do that, we are delusional. I mean, if I see a comic bombing on stage, I'm like, I'll get them. Right. You know what I mean? Like, they're funny, but they're not resonating for some reason, I'll connect.

And then you go up and bomb too. It's like, sometimes it's the crowd, man. I went up to the Village Underground last night, and like, I did fine, but I was like, they're not good. And I got off and the host was like, they've been horrible all night. And I was like, all right. Is a lot of it the audience or is it you?

Mostly you. It's both. It can't be the audience for sure. Yeah. Look, if you're on the road and it's your crowd and you're bombing,? Mostly you. It's both. It can't be the audience for sure. Yeah. Look, if you're on the road and it's your crowd and you're bombing, it's you. Right. But if you're in like this comedy cellar,

I think the crowd is usually great there, but it's been. It's usually great there. I've had a couple rough ones. I think that, you know, at the clubs where it's like, you know, you're like, you guys where your fans aren't necessarily there just to see you, these people are coming

to their first comedy show ever. It's like hitting a jukebox and hoping that you're gonna like the song. Like they don't necessarily, I mean, say they're comedy fans, but are they gonna be liking your comedy? You don't know. Because comedy, unlike, there's a blues club,

there's a jazz club, there's a rock club, comedy is comedy club. Comedy. So it could be dirty, clean, props, sound effects, you know, whatever, musical comedy. So that's the hard part of it. You got to be broad enough to hit everybody, but not also original at the same time. Right. I always tell people, listen, if you can make people laugh, that is an art. Oh, yeah. You know know, I mean some people, you know, some people comics, some comics are very clean. Look, Jerry Steinfeld is very clean, but he's very funny. Yeah. Sure. He's very fucking funny. But it's also tough with

comedy because a fat guy falling downstairs, my dad farting, or a mentally challenged guy is funnier than me. Yeah. And I'm trying to be funny writing shit down. You actually just lost a week into a mental breakdown. Yeah, so that's what's hard about, no fat guy farting is doing Beethoven, you know. Right, right. Or Led Zeppelin. I always say, like, you know,

when people refer to standup as an art, I'm like, it's the only art form where the host is literally asking number one or number two as people are going to the bathroom. Yeah, yeah. Like, is it an art form? I I mean it's entertainment. I think we're entertainers. I think call stand-up an art form. I love it but like... But that Wi-Fi joke, that's art. That fart guy, that's fart. I do think the word art sounds

pretentious and stand-up has to be anti. Yeah I agree. A stand-up referring to themselves as an artist, you're like there's no way that guy's gonna be funny. No, 100%. I love when I write because I always say I write scripts and I love writing funny stuff and I'm one that if you get a stand-up guy, so a lot of stand-up comics, I shouldn't say a lot, majority some are not good actors. Yes. They're just not. Yes. Ain't that the truth.

Some can make the switch. Some can. Romano did it. Ray Romano did it. Robin Williams did it. Yes. Richard Pryor did it. Pryor.

You know, some really can make the switch. Some can't. And for me, for me, like sometimes you'll see him, you know he's laying on the joke and it's not him, he's not the character. Right, right. You know? So I'm always like wary of that, but if you get a stand up comic

who really is a good actor, boy, that's like writing Secretariat. I just wanna, I just wanna, like I'm the jockey and I just wanna write shit for him. Oh wow. Yeah, and if you could do itockey and I just wanna write shit for him, man. Oh wow. Yeah, and if you could do it, and as a writer and as a director, if you could do it better than I gave it to you,

do it, do it. In Breaking Bad, Vince Gilligan picked Burr, he picked Lavelle Crawford because it's like he loved cop. Bill Burr's a terrific actor. Yeah. And Bill is funny as shit. One of the best. Bill is one of my favorite, man.

He's, again, he's like, and I know he gets mad when I say this. You know, prior- Bill gets mad. Yeah. I mean, he doesn't get mad, but he goes, he's very humble, but he's very great. I thought the way he talks about women and domestic violence and gets away with it-

Brilliant. And is still so fucking likable is brilliant. He's one of the best comics of all time. Absolutely. He's like one of my favorite men. And so I go, holy shit, how does he get away with that? Yeah, the writing. Yeah.

It's the joke, it's the way he says it. Yes. But also, let me tell you something right now. People have an aura about them. You guys have an aura about them. Either you're likable or you're not. That's something that you cannot change. I don't give a shit how good you are as an actor.

If you're not likable, it's very hard to connect with that person because you're looking at him going, I just don't like this fucking guy. I don't care he's funny. Yeah, we're working on it. Yeah, yeah, no, I go on stage now, I have a joke that I'm working on about like, people just don't like you when they just see

that you're bald right away. Like they just see it and they just, there's something about it. No, but you're funny. Well, so I try and warm them up to that and it'll be like, you know, like, you know, Putin and people don't like him because he's bald. Like, people will be like, somebody said like, the other day, like, I liked you more when you had hair. I was like, it was my like, you know, Putin, and people don't like him because he's bald. People will be like, somebody said the other day,

like, I liked you more when you had hair. I was like, it was my wife, Allie. Like that, just stuff like that where it's like, but it's, yeah, but it's like, you know, and there's some truth to it, but it also then warms them up. So you kind of need bits like that to get them on your side.

Well, it's also showing that you're aware of what they're thinking. Yeah. It goes a long way with the crowd. You're perceptive. I really want to that you're aware of what they're thinking. Yeah. It goes a long way with the crowd. You're receptive. I really want to invite you guys. I hope you can come. Well, I know you're probably out of town, but June 13th, June 13th, which is coming.

That's right. I'm doing my one-man show, which is the movie. I do a Bronx Tale on stage by myself. That's what I wrote. And I filmed it because I felt it was time to do it. And I'd love to invite all three of you, with your wives and your girlfriends. If you can make it, great.

You're out of town. Am I? If you can't, I'd love for you to see it because again, it's not stand up. I actually do a movie on stage by myself. Really? And I play all 18 parts. Whoa!

I play De Niro, the father, the kid. I wanna see this. Yeah. Yeah, it's really, Chris is coming, Chris DiStefano. Oh, nice. I think Colin's gonna come, Colin saw it already.

But if you could come and see it. I would love to. Because I, like again, it's my, it's something special to me. Of course. And it's the thing that made me, you know, that's my, it's something special to me. Of course. And it's the thing that made me, that broke me, made me a star. Incredible.

And it's gonna be at the Tribeca Film Festival, DeNiroCon, June 13th. Oh wow. For tickets, you can go, you guys don't need tickets, but for tickets you can go to tribecafilm.com slash denirocon. Beautiful. Or, make one to my website, chasparmatory.net,

or my Instagram, and all the information is on there. Love it. Or my podcast. I love to have you guys as guests on my podcast. Oh, great, we'd be honored. I'd love it. I'm sorry, I talk a lot. We love it.

No, unbelievable. I always go, you know, I tend to like, you know, take all, I talk like, I just talk. You know what I mean? But you guys are great, man. This is awesome. You're great. I love to pick up minds.

This is a great app. All right. You know, really. Chas, you'll be in Naples, Florida? Wow. I was just trashin' Naples. We were just trashin' Naples. That's Bombay.

Oh yeah, that's right. I'm gonna be at the, oh God, I wish I had my schedule there. I'm gonna be at the Cabot Theater two nights, seven in the night, those are both sold out, but I'll be very fortunate. Cabot Theater, the Mayo Performing Arts Center on 615, 623, the Paramount Theater in Huntington. Yeah, Long Island.

Oh, great theater. Yeah, it's beautiful. That's where I filmed the show. Oh, nice. Carnegie Homestead Music Hall in Munn Hall, PA, in Pittsburgh, and then Buffalo on 927 Michigan so this is all the one-man show we did these we did Yeah, that Carnegie venue. Yeah. Yeah, I really love the paramount. That's a great

Yeah, well, I'll get this will get better eventually I got a few days with Sam coming up too. You got new material? Yeah, I got new material. Woo! Yeah, I got new, at least like 40-ish. Wow, that's impressive. The new special's amazing and check out the podcast.

What's the name of the podcast? Podcast's called Number One Dad, so it's all about my dad being a con man and we haven't spoken to 24 years, so it follows me on a path to hopefully track him down. See what he's up to. When you do a special, Gary, when you guys do a special, does that make people wanna come and see you live?

It's a big commercial for your app. It's like a trailer to see us on the road. That's the hope. And then, you know, but then you have to write a new, my special is coming out, I can say now, I guess July 9th on Amazon. So I hope you guys all watch it. Newton Allen, it's my favorite one I've done a long time.

So I hope you watch it. And- Do we have a title? Yeah, it's called You've Changed. Ooh. Love it. Yeah, it's a good one. I'm proud of it. So I hope you check it out.

Yeah. Amazon July 9th. You got it. Well, at the end we'll exchange information because whenever you're in town, you're going to be the comedy star. I always tell Chris that. Oh, please. Yeah. I see him there all the time. Yeah. I said just send me a thing You want to be there? I'm probably busy, but I would I just I love to shoot down and just watch because I love it Yeah, I love comedy. Yeah, we need we need people like you. No, I mean, I love stand-up. These are Sam states here

Oh, yeah, those are I'm out with Burt and and then yeah, Atlantic City with Chris DiStefano, we're co-ed. Oh, great. Caesar's in Atlantic City. Then I got Rochester with Gary's gonna be there with me. I'll be at AC too with you. You'll be in AC too, that's true. Hammond, Indiana, that's also with Chrissy D.

And Nemesh, we're doing some dates. Fantastic. Then we got Miami Improv working back, building an hour. Another casino with Chrissy. Chrissy and I doing a bunch of days Both building back up. So yeah, then we got Baltimore with Gary Yeah, then Niagara Falls with Chrissy and then I go to Europe. So London Belfast Dublin Paris Amsterdam, which is almost I think Amsterdam sold out already., Oslo, Stockholm, and I might add some more, so we'll see, but,

SamRoll.com slash tour. How do you like being in Europe today? Is it same humor? Do they get it? You know, I've never, he just did a Euro Tour. I've never done a full tour. I've only done like London, the only international, we did Ireland together once, but yeah,

I haven't done it a ton, so it's new to me. I will say, it's all great, but Amsterdam is a lot of like, they wait till you're done with the bit and then they go. Like SeaWorld. Wow. The guy told me before I showed up, there was two Hugh Jacks, I'm not going to say their names and they both yelled at the crowd like, fuck you guys, you don't get it, this stuff kills and the guy had to be like like this is how we do it here. But I wonder I feel like in

Europe jokes just I mean I've done it but like jokes will just work better like if you just have it you like the way that you guys tell jokes. They're probably kinder. Yeah and they don't have a lot of good joke writers. They're seeing something different I mean you guys bring something different to the table so I think. Well we invented it. It's an American art. Suck it, you limeys. Bring that American pretension overseas. I love that.

Well, you guys invented it. Do you guys ever work on bits on the podcast? Oh, yeah, all the time. Yeah, I do that with my podcast. Oh, really? Yeah, not comedy. You know, just when I'm talking to the guests, I'll say, well, you know, this could be, I'm writing something. I'm gonna, you know, I'll just kind of like go around it to try to get something.

I love it. All right. You know, it's a, but the great thing about comics, I remember from, Chrissy always told me and all the guys always told me, like the biggest thing you could do is still jokes. The worst. That's the worst. I mean, that's low. Yeah, because it's all you have. You're thinking really short game if you're doing that because you know you you want allies and not just in comedy but in the world. You want people to not hate you and they're gonna they're gonna hate you. And you want your

your voice and perspective. Yeah. Right, and you think nobody's gonna hear it but they'll find out. Oh yeah. It's just a shortcut and you can't really have shortcuts in this. Right. Would you agree that it takes before you really start making money and being good 10 years to be a comic? Yeah, I'd say so. Probably.

Give or take. They say seven to 10. Probably less now with social media. Yeah. But a good comic. But when we started, yeah. You can get it discovered easier now, maybe with the internet, but I think

if you really wanna get good. Yeah, if you wanna get good. I think there's something about doing poorly for years. That just puts you at the grind and it gets you better. So I think that gets a little lost now, but I mean, the art, I think there's an art. There's an art to getting better. It is an art.

There's an art to getting better. It is. Do you feel like you're the best you've ever been as an actor or writer right now? Yes. That's cool. I think it's the best I've ever been and the best. See as an actor, as an actor it's different. As an actor you and and I studied again and I always bring him up because he was one of the great teachers Lee Strasburg himself. Wow. I was in the actors studio and so what Lee used to say what what happens is as you as the years on, you get, oh, oh, that's a valve.

You get that valve and you put it here. Right. Oh, that's another valve. So then as an actor, you have all these valves inside of you that I could turn on at any time. I could go from dead crying to dead fucking angry in two seconds. Really?

Oh, in two seconds. Man. I could do it. I could look like I love you and then look like I hate you. in two seconds. Really? Oh, in two seconds. Man. I could do it. I could look like I love you and then look like I hate you. I love that. But that's, it's like an art. You could just do it. Now, it doesn't come easy.

Yeah. And it really helped me to do, when I started doing Bronx Tale, because I had to do all these characters and I had to split the difference on each one of them. One person playing five people, so it was really like, you know, you have to do that. And it really helped me a great deal.

But I think I'm the best, I feel, that I'm the best, my great work is in front of me. That's incredible. All right, well we'll keep going. There he is, look at that Lee. Yes. Wow. Looks like, what's Pablo Picasso? That's the Godfather. Yeah. That's when he said, he is, look at that Lee. Yes. Wow. Looks like, what's Pablo Picasso?

That's the Godfather. Yeah. That's when he said, he goes, if I wake up in the morning, and the bag is here, I have a partner. If I don't, then I don't have a partner. What do you think he's doing there? I've seen that a million times.

I know he's sick, but he keeps doing this thing, he's like, kuh. He does that, yeah. What is that? He just, you know, it's a, if he just, when you're old sometimes your throat gets clogged. Okay, because that's a clear choice he made. A teacher of all teachers.

And I'm like, I don't get this. That was a choice. Because that's happening to Matt right now. He just wants to know if he should get it checked out. I remember I did a scene with Bob, and in the beginning I used to go, listen to me, huh? I'm going to tell you something right now.

If you fucking come here one more time, huh? We go, and he says, Chas, stop with the guns. Oh, listen to me, huh? I'm gonna tell you something right now. If you fucking call me one more time, huh? And he says, Chance, stop with the guns. Oh, oh. Yeah, yeah. And I said, oh, I don't even realize I was doing it. He goes, it deflates the power of the scene. So I'll never forget that.

Good note. That's what he gave me. So I use it when I have to use it, if it's one line. But if it's more than that, I won't do that anymore, huh? Right. Huh, yeah, huh? It's that, I won't do that anymore, huh? Right. Yeah, huh? It's an Italian thing that they do. Yeah, yeah.

Are we gonna go, huh? The Italians are the only people, you know. What's a, you know, Tara Conestresi, who I love, she's an Italian comic. She always said, the Italians are the only, I don't wanna take her joke, because it's a joke. She's, the Italian guys are the only ones, they ask you a question, then they answer it.

You know, she's right, you love this restaurant, right? I know you do. Right? Right? Right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, conflict. Yeah, you know that guy.

He's a scumbag, right? Yeah, he's a scumbag. No, no, no, no. And that's Tara's joke, and she said that to me once. I saw it, it was hysterical. I love the one where they're like, am I right or am I right? Am I right or am I right?

I can't give any options here. Right. Yeah, Ty is the only one who wants to do that. You know, you used to have this restaurant called, what was it, the full, the Half Moon at the time. They would go, I used to bring girls in there back in the 60s, and they would order, she would order something, and she would only eat half,

and the guy would come back the way to go, smell, you don't like it? No, it was delicious. No, you didn't like it. Why you bring it here if she doesn't like it? And I'm like, hey, I'll never forget his name was Serge. I said, Serge, you know, she said, never mind that. You shouldn't be here if you don't.

I said, oh, we can't bring anybody here. A little aggressive. Quinn has that great joke about Italians are the toughest people, but they're pussies about weird stuff. You know, he's like, hey, what's up, bitch? Whoa, what is that, yogurt? Wow, that's good. That's so good.

Yes, it's true. Yeah. It's true, hey, I don't wanna be around these people if they're, oh my God, everybody's like, oh, fucking Italians are nuts. They're nuts. They're like, Italians are the only fucking people, man, that just, my mother, let me tell you something about my mother. My people man, that just, that my mother,

let me tell you something about my mother. My mother and father, I was with my grandmother, she lived underneath us. This is how Sicilians are, you should know this. You should notice it. My Sicilians are like this. My grandmother said, you know, she said, honey go in there, give me some ice cubes.

And I opened up the freezer, back then you had to, the ice cubes, you had to pull this thing to get the ice cubes. You remember that? So I'm about to pull this. She goes, no, don't touch that. So I said, grandma, what's the matter? She goes, what, look. And I looked at all the ice and it had all these

pieces of paper sticking out of the cubes. I said, what the fuck is this, right? She goes, put that one back, take the other one. So I take the other ice cube and I detray and I give it out so I go upstairs to my mother. Now I'm fucking 12 years old. I go hey mom what's with the ice cubes? I'm trying to touch the ice cubes did you? I said no what's with the ice cubes? Her father, my grandfather who's Sicilian, when somebody hurt him he would write their name on a piece of paper and then put it in the liquid.

He said once he did that, he froze them for life. They can never get ahead, no more. That means where they are, that's where they stay. Whoa. It froze. How's that? It's a whole bunch. You wanna talk about fucking vendettas?

Oh, man. You wanna talk about vendettas? This is real shit. Man. I couldn't write that. No, that's gold. That's gold. I'm waiting for the movie to put that in. That's killer.

But that's the truth, man. Put, he would defrost it, put a new thing water put new cup put new names in freeze them man Stuck talk about a relationship on the rocks I'm gonna be I'm not gonna do that joke in Philadelphia or Pittsburgh Well Washington spoke can baton Rouge, Pensacola Sioux Falls Cedar Rapids Rockford Rochester buy some bodega cat. Oh, we're legal now bodega I was Rockford Rochester buy some bodega cat. Oh, we're legal now bodega New York City, so we I think we're at the cellar right now. I believe we wow Own menu they're making manhattan's with them right now

So yeah, check it out page the stage Gary's pod Gary's new special go see Chaz He's got a one-man show and a podcast Sam's got a special coming out on Amazon. We're cooking. Or DiggerCatWhiskey.com and follow us all on PunchUp.live.com slash our names PunchUp.live.com slash Mark Norman PunchUp.live.com slash Samorail slash Gary Veeder. And soon. And keep listening. We love you guys and thank you Chaz. Gary this is a great episode. Great episode. Great app! Cop's comin' and naked Samuel is feelin' dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way

We might be true