We Might Be Drunk - Ep 186: Sal Vulcano

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

Special guest and friend of the show Sal Vulcano joins us this week, go check out his comedy special "Terrified" on YouTube now! https://youtu.be/6X49375Hah8?si=-HQ8f_VoQlMs8gyD Sal Vulcano: https://salvulcanocomedy.com/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com/ Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Bodega Cat: http://www.bodegacatspirits.com We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/ If you want to start a podcast contact [e-mail] for a discount on services when referred by WMBD! Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Sheath order at https://www.sheathunderwear.com with promo code DRUNK

Yo! Yeah! We got a hot up today. Hot up? You're looking swole, man. Really? I can see it coming through. Really?

You're fucking fit, dude. No, I mean, aside from the gay French Parisian shirt, you are cooking. Yeah, it's pretty gay. No. I'm coming out. We got a real baguette over here. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. All right. I went to Paris, I used that like eight times.

Ha ha ha ha. Just on strangers, like, can you stop saying that to me? Kind of racist and homophobic. Like an Americans. Dude, I was complaining about the candy. All weekend my girlfriend's bringing home candy, like so much candy.

I'm opening drawers, there's candy. I got no willpower. I'm like, stop with the candy. All weekend my girlfriend's bringing home candy, like so much candy. I'm opening drawers, there's candy. I got no willpower. I'm like stop with the candy. Well once it's in the house, it's over. You gotta not have it in the house. Nothing good. I have no ice cream in my house, no candy, nothing.

There's so much junk in the house. She does it and then I find it and I throw it out. Yeah. Chocolate? Gummy? All kinds. So one thing we did over the weekend, I had a friend come to my buddy Chase.

We saw a film form was playing Indiana Jones, right, as a lost star. Hell yeah. That's gonna be fun to see on a big screen. The face is melting. Oh, dude, awesome. Nazis. Fuck, yeah, so easy.

I always wonder, what do they do with the Nazi flags after the production? Ooh. They just keep them in a warehouse? You think they bit them off to some fucking creep on Facebook. Not Facebook back then, but when a movie is Nazi paraphernalia, I always wonder what they do. Melted Facebook.

What? Melted Facebook. And I also wonder if they, if like a real Nazi, what do you call it, what do you call that, memorabilia, if they're like, this is from a movie, I got the real shit You know, it's like fakes like with a baseball card. You got the Indiana Jones shit Adolf Eichmann. Yeah This is a good Nazi shit. I got gerbils you got Spielberg. All right, some Jew touch that one I'm watching with my friend and my girlfriend's not fucking She's a Texan so she's like oh really he still has bullets? I'm like, that's your problem with Indiana Jones? He's fucking breaking, he's getting their guns out

with a whip. Yeah, right. So many great scenes. You know that scene where the guy has the two crazy machetes and he just shoots him immediately? Great bit. As a kid, that was like, I laughed so hard. Same.

I remember watching it with a cousin who was like, he just killed him. I'm like, oh, you're gonna grow up to be a pussy. You suck. Yeah, it's a great misdirect. How about this scene? This is why Indiana Jones changed the game. When he's up on the plane and he's trying to do something

and the big guy's like, come on, come on. And he goes, that is everything. You never see a superhero guy or the protagonist like, oh, I got to fight this fucking guy. The guy's huge, shirtless buff guy. And he's like, all right, he doesn't back down, but he's not happy about it. That's such a good point, and also,

I think that was the first time they did the propeller from the plane to kill the guy, that I had seen at least. I was like, holy shit. I think so. They've used that since, a ton, but. To George Lucas's credit, he got the script to this, and he sent it to Spielberg, he's like, you would be better with this, got to make this Wow so yeah

Lucas produced it, but I think Spielberg directed they were playing a ton of good shit at the film form all weekend It was just like a lot of it was like best of 80s. They called it But they had like you know like the Palma they'd like dress to kill they had like they like fun movies playing their after hours Oh nice love after hours. That's a fun one. Yeah, After Hours. Oh, nice! Love After Hours. That's a fun one. Yeah, that's such a you movie. The whole movie, no cell phones. That's the base of the whole movie plot. There's no phone, there's no GPS. That's Seinfeld.

Yeah! Those whole miscommunications. That's West Side Story. We could clear this up with a text. No one's dying. Yes. A misunderstanding could carry a movie. Carries a movie. Oh yeah, great film. I watched On the Waterfront. Had you never seen it?

Never seen it. Oh, it's incredible. I'm on a Kazan kick, it's so good. Isn't that, that's like one of the best scripts too. And the acting is just everything, you know, Marlon Brando. And Carl Maldon was in it? Yes, yes, the priest.

That fucking nose. Oh, quite a beak on that guy a beak for a priest Yeah, Jim Blossom But yeah, so good. So what do you think Orson Welles meant when he said this movie celebrates the snitch you've just seen it He's a snitch. Yeah, he did snitch, but he snitched in a good way right. I didn't love the ending I don't give it is there snitching in a good way? in a good way. Right. I didn't love the ending.

I don't wanna give it away. Is there snitching in a good way? He did. Okay. Yeah, I mean he snitched on the bad guy. Yeah. But, Orshanwell's point that we played, I think on a previous episode was, you know,

he was a snitch and he found an example of where snitching was good. And he's making, like he thinks that's, like this is my story to tell. And it's like, nah, you snitched on fucking commies, man. Yeah, yeah, so good. You named names. Right. But I do love at the end of that,

at the end of that, interview Orson Welles says, but I must add, he is a very good director. Ha ha ha ha. Even after trashing him, no work that he's ever, we've gotta find the clip again, it's such a good fucking clip. Yeah, I couldn't, there's a lot of Tyson parallels. He's a boxer. He has pigeons. He's short He's against the Brooklyn against the world he raped

My god, do you see the clip of Tyson and the guy on morning news you got to find this no Tyson with a guy Said so you were convicted of rape, but you you gotta see what Tyson says back what this is crazy this is old huh yeah it's old but it's crazy this is oh I have seen this is incredible well you gotta pull that up quick nice Google bitch is back would say you know this race start the mayor we know you're a convicted rapist oh that was it joins us right now with this from motor Alex thanks for joining us both of you Some of your critics would say, you know, there's a race for mayor We know you're a convicted rapist this could hurt his campaign. How would you respond to that? Hey, um, I don't know Who said that you don't even know her today? You know, I mean and I don't have no comment to that

you know because it's negative and you'd be a negative and I Met the mayor and nothing they can do about it. So interestingly you come across like a night that but you're really a piece of shit. Hey, come on man, come on. That was a piece of fuck you. That was a piece of shit. You know, we're doing live TV. I don't care what you're going to do about it. Is it nerve-wracking for you to do something like this or is it more nervous for you to box? How does it compare? Hell no.

It's more nerve-wracking for me to hear us talking to a complete hell no. It's more nerve wracking to me to hear us talking to a rat piece of shit. Is that Chaz Palmiteri? No. No, okay. That guy thought he was gonna segue his way out of that. Yeah. So which is more nerve wracking?

No, no, no. Fuck you. He's gonna segue calling him a rapist and be like, so which do you prefer? Wow. Chocolate or vanilla ice cream. Yeah, oh man. Here it is, this is killer.

Mademoiselle, you have chosen the wrong mette en scène. Because Ilia Kazan is a traitor. He is a man who sold to McCarthy, all of his companions, at a time when he could continue to work in New York at high salary. And having sold all of his people to McCarthy, he then made a film called On the Waterfront, which was a celebration of the informer. I never put that together.

And therefore, no question which uses him as an example can be answered by me. Good point. Good point. I have to add, I have to add that he is a very good director. The director who speaks is a... He keeps it so real and he also speaks in like, as a writer, I mean, every line is so well put together,

the build is great. That's true. He's so dramatic. Everything he says is so dramatic and that's why, fuck that book, I sent it to, I told Adam Eaget to- I read it on the toilet. It's so funny. That's great.

But he sent me a at the on the beach on a vacation Adam Eaget reading it and he The part that he found hilarious that I find hilarious is you know This young director trying to get Orson Welles to do his movie his first movie and Peter by Donovan He's like, I'll tell you where he's staying is in New York City I probably told this in the pub, but it's such a great story and he goes I'll tell you where he's staying, is in New York City, I probably told this in the pod, but it's such a great story. And he goes, I'll tell you where he's staying, but you know, he's not gonna do your first movie. Shows up to his hotel, he opens the door

in like purple pajamas, he said he looked like a giant grape. And he said, he goes, who are you? And he goes, I'm a director, I need you in my film. You're my favorite filmmaker. And he goes, I'll never do a director's first film, never. And he goes, that's not true, you did your first film and you were a director and he goes, I won't do it, get out of here, leave.

And then he goes, I know you're a magician and you play a magician in this. And he just paused, he goes, could I wear a cape? Ah! And that's how he got him, he just did it. Can you imagine showing up to your hero's hotel? And by the way, I mean, just like, he's the most interesting guy. He's the weirdest, most fascinating.

Oh yeah, I mean in the book you're just reading along and it's all normal and he's like, I should say he was a red man, a Choctaw. And you're like, where did that come from? But he just slides it in. He'll be like weirdly racist against the Irish in the book and you're like, who did that come from? But he just slides it in. It would be like weirdly racist against the Irish in the book, and you're like, who is racist against Irish people? It's like your old bit.

Yes, yes. So you loved On the Waterfront though. Yeah, I loved it. I mean, it's so cool because it's a New York movie, but it's in this one little bubble, and there's not a lot to it. It's pretty bare bones, but it still packs a punch. And it looks beautiful. For black some old black and white movies

They don't like the look doesn't hold up sometimes. Yeah, but this one looks gorgeous looks great And of course, you know as you know He changed the game with method acting and this is really where it's showcased and he was kind of a nobody right? Brando was not a big name. I think streetcar was before this. Oh But he uh, I mean, yeah, he was like a hunk in this too. Hunk. And 5'9". Yeah.

Helps out the 5' foot club. And James Dean, 5'7". Oh, shit. Yeah, that's a lot. Actors, man. They're always smaller than you think. Tiny. I think Tom Cruise is what, 5'8"?

Is he? Yeah. On 10 heels. Rogan, 5'1", so yeah, crazy. Peter Dinklage, weirdly 6'7". He's that good an actor. Brandon was in Streetcar in 51. Oh, 51, wow, that's a big number.

Julius Caesar in 53, Wild One in 53, and then on the waterfront right after that. But he found him, Kazan found him, I think. Or propped him up at least. Yeah, he's so good, man. You know what? I got a good rec for you guys. It's a show on Apple called Slow Horses. Slow Horses. It's phenomenal. All right.

Gary Oldman plays like an out of shape, like greasy, doesn't shower, farting, belching, head of this, they're called, it's Slough House, they're like the MI5, you know, they're CIA basically, and it's like, this is where the castaways get sent, the people who fucked up are now in Slough House, the slow horses, and he's the head of them, and he's an asshole to everybody, but he's brilliant, and he was like a great spy in his day,

but now he's kind of like a washed up, he's still the best, but he's an asshole to everybody, but he's brilliant. And he was like a great spy in his day, but now he's kind of like a washed up, he's still the best, but he's washed up and looks like shit and always drinking and eating. He's just always eating something disgusting and farting. And Chris and Scott Thomas is like high up at the MI5. It's so fucking good. Oh wow, Apple's killing it lately.

They just have terrible- Marketing? Yeah, it's so, because I've mentioned the show's killing it lately. They just have terrible. Marketing? Yeah, it's so, because I've mentioned the show to a few people and no one's heard. I never heard of it. Dude, my parents watch it and they're like, it's so good. And then Dana Gould, I got the second, you get the second text.

Yes. And he was like, you gotta watch Slow Horses. And I just, you know, I was like, all right. Hell yeah, all right. I'm in, I mean, the lady, this is what I'm watching now. It's called under the bridge What's that? It's a it's a true crime, but it's real it really happened true crime and it's about these I don't want to say about a girl who got murdered in Canada and a woman wrote a book about it now the books a movie or a series, but it's all real

It's got the lady from the Redman what is she from? Chock-tah? Chock-tah, the flowers of the moon or whatever. Oh I heard it's really good you know Lily Gladstone? Yes, but it's a real story and you cannot believe this really happened there's so many layers to it it's kind of a detective thing and the lady my wife is obsessed with true crime so she listens to this shit all day long but to me, this is hard to watch. It's so brutal, it's so real, it's so violent, it's fucking me up, I had to turn it off.

Before you got here, Salahuse and I were talking about being a POW and what pussies we would be. Like can you imagine, like I can't watch certain shit, I don't know how people, there are like spies who will just get the shit kicked out of them and be like, you better kill me. And you're just like, yes! Oh my god, I'll fucking, I'll do any, I'll give you guys up in a second. I'm kidding.

One flick of the ear, I'm like, I'll just take him. Alright, Kazan. But yeah, it's true. Like, they go like, you better tell me where the documents are. And they go, pfft. They spit on the guy. And I'm like, you know he's gonna fuck you up now, you better tell me where the documents are and they go, pfft. They spit on the guy and I'm like, you know he's gonna fuck you up now, you spit on him. Crazy, my wife likes it. But yeah.

You ever do the mouth spit? It's not my thing. It's not mine either. I find it very weird, I remember like a guy telling me once she let me spit in her mouth and I'm like, gross. Yeah, yeah, I didn't do it. It's like I already have an older brother. Oh, I didn't know it is like I already have an older brother

Yeah, it's like well you had a bit back in the day about like the Indian Oh the rug burn the rug burn yeah how bullying just became sexual yeah rug burn choking Pinning it down all that shit to the twister yeah, yeah, all the same shit lapping yeah the credit card swipe Yes, yes now then the joke was now. I'm on the playground taking notes Yeah, you know my whole act I forgot about that we've been doing this a while together. That's true. That's yeah Yeah, my lady. I don't know if I'm allowed to say but she wants all that she's like throw me through a wall. I'm like You say that but if I threw you through a wall you'd be in the hospital. Yeah lawsuit Yeah, exactly and you have that Kool-Aid thing through the wall. What whose joke is that about like? You say you want this but the difference between

Me doing it and it actually happening is this jail time for me. What was it? Oh, yeah I think Louie had one back in the day. Yes, we're like sent Lars on yeah Well, Louie was like trying to go like right bit. Yeah, and she was like I want you to know Yeah, that's what I was like what happened the other night and Louie's like what do you mean and she goes? I thought you were just gonna go for he goes. What do you have your fucking mind? You thought I was gonna rape you on a whim on the odd chance you're into that And you want to show that to all women and go what do you know? Hey

Hey, all right Staten Island zone hey Sal volcano everybody what's shaking buddy come on we're good we're just chopping it up about changing my shirt and then the stall is like a foot by a foot. Oh On the whole oh, yeah, you gotta go handy. You can't address like Stone Cold Steve Austin I'll hand out stunts for free today Don't cold creamery I Met him and I went on his show. He has a shit. He had a bunch of shows

Yeah, I had to spend the day with him on his show. He had a bunch of shows. I had to spend the day with him for his show. It was wild, man. He took me, first things first, they didn't want me to meet him until it was on camera. So I come out of my hotel, he's supposedly picking me up in a Jeep outside the hotel, all the kids are all hooked up to the cameras.

He pulls up, I'm like, oh my God, meet him for the first time on camera. So we start driving and just bullshitting. And we're driving 10 minutes, right? And we're going down down by the beach and then at just unannounced out of nowhere He cuts the wheel in the middle of driving hops the curb Drives onto this sand in the beach and pushes the gas down and starts heading straight toward the ocean didn't tell me anything about we're in a Jeep right and then I Think he's gonna side these messing with me. He goes right into the ocean

Whoa, and then the Jeep becomes a boat get the fuck I swear to God. It's like online somewhere Yeah, and and then I was just I was like I was stunned of course No, I am and I didn't mean that but I was really stunning and then we just drove around in a jeep boat Talking for like a half hour. What then we left there He takes me to the wrestling ring. And is there any point where you're like, dude, what are you doing? What are you doing?

I was like, ha ha ha. And I was like, what are you? I literally was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And then we went in. I was like, I thought we were going to sink. And then he just like, and we just started driving. I was like, how do you have this? Yes.

Like, you got that kind of income. Yeah. Wow, this is incredible. Yeah. Comedians in jeeps going into the ocean. They should really have Caitlyn Jenner host this show. Oh my God. This is incredible.

Who does that? I guess Stone Cold would be great if a dolphin threw him a bud light. Wow. Guess don't call that be great of a dolphin through my blood light Wow, why are these more popular? I want a fucking it was I think he said he tells me the price of it It was something ridiculous. It was no wasn't Mills, but it was like, you know more than me and you would spend on anything Wow, look at that Incredible now we're running off an impeller. And it does it. And so when I hit the button.

It becomes amphibious immediately. It does it on the water. What's really the purpose of a thing like that other than scaring the shit out of your friend? That's it. He probably does that three to five times a day. Yeah. I mean, I would just drive into the ocean all day long, drive out and drive back in.

Yeah. Just passing people on the blankets, just shocking everybody. Yeah, there's bad traffic. You're like, fuck it. I'm going to the blank. It's just just shocking everybody. Yeah, there's bad traffic. You're like fuck it Yeah, right. Yeah, then he took me to the rent and then he took me to a wrestling Gym and he taught me he literally gave me a lesson like how to take bombs how to take falls He gave me his friend gave me a stunner. Whoa. Yeah, wait his friend not you. No, he he didn't he wouldn't do it He wasn't like really being that physical at that time

I think he had like someone's back or whatever But he since then went and did it in the ring, but and then after that he has his own beer It's no bodega cat, but he He has his own be we went to his brewery We sat there and just drank like ten different beers and got drunk all on camera Wow It was like I was like a make-a-wish Did you blow I mean after all that is this what's this rated this one? Now I mean if you would have asked I would have had to consider yeah

Yeah, the best thing ever is I got like a few months later, right? I'm at MSG or whatever is and I'm there for raw Monday night wrestling. Uh-huh. He somehow is making a he's not wrestling anymore So he's whenever he comes around like once a year twice. It's a big to do Yeah, it's a complete surprise like they bring him in like a box like no one's supposed to know right whatever So I hear he's gonna be there. I text him. I say hey, I'm here tonight. Just happen to be there He goes, oh cool cool. I'll be out in the last match comes out last night. Everything finishes up He does his beers. He grabs the mic. He goes. Where's my buddy Sal Volcano? Oh my god. I swear to god. I was like

And he said come on down come on down. I was like I just walked up He takes two beers comes over I go right up to the thing he gives me to us we smash him and drink the beers Whoa? Where's that clip? Yeah, that's probably I think that might be on online too because people were taping it so holy shit Yeah, where the jokers in the window going, all right, pick one of them. Yeah, I mean that was like too, I mean I just, yeah, that was crazy.

Wow, what a life. I mean wrestlers really have a lot of comedy similarities. You know, like he invented that character. He was a funny dude on the mic. That's how you become that famous, the rocks. You have to have charisma. A funny on the mic. That's how you become that famous. Yeah, you have to have charisma. You're funny on the mic. Mm-hmm.

Everybody's got their persona like that. Ours is a little more subtle, obviously. Salvocano, where are you? Whoa! Thank God you were there. Do you think at any point after you drank the beers, he was gonna kick you and stun you? I wish!

That would have been awesome! I wish! Wow, he went! Oh my god! Look at that, you're up close! Holy shit! Ladies and gentlemen, before I leave, I gotta drink a beer with my man from Impractical Junkers to Wimowy, Sal Volcano!

Cheers Sal! One more time, Wimowy! Oh my god! Yeah! and practical jokers. Wow. Salvocado. Yeah. Hell yeah. Is that the secret when you smash him you take a little out of him so you're not getting as drunk? That just happened but I imagine that's what he does because he drinks like 15 beers in like six minutes. Yeah and those were 16 ounces. Yeah. Holy shit this is even can die now.

And it's sad that you can show this to a woman and they don't care. They don't get it. And that's why I've stopped, you know, really being around women. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Jokers fans out there, who else has like hit you up where you're like, this fucking guy? Oh Jesus Christ, in like the last, it's always crazy, it's never like, you know, I don't have, Bruno Mars, I think I talked about that. Oh, Bruno Mars?

That's big. Yeah, Bruno Mars is crazy, he was on stage doing, at the, literally at the encore, he's singing whatever song, his biggest song at the time, and in the middle of it, he just starts screaming out quotes from the show. Jeez! But I went backstage beforehand, he was making us some Jack and Cokes. He took us on the tour

He has his little um, there's under the stage. They built out just for him for the whole tour. They build it out There's a room down there. It's like a like a little office like break room kind of thing It's got like, you know vanity mirror. It's got waters his clothes like, you know, it's got a whole it looks like a little room and He showed it to us beforehand and when he walked out, I took a, you know, a piece and I just wrote Bruno, because oh, he goes down there in the middle of the show to change every single show. So I just wrote Bruno, something like, something like Bruno, you're slacking out there. It's decent at best. I mean, like you got to pick it up and I just, I left it there. So he saw it, he laminated it and he kept it on the mirror for the

whole tour. Wow. Yeah that's cool. He was a cool dude. He was really cool dude. Well I mean the show your show is like it's like a cookie you know I just put it on when I'm on the road on the hotel. I just I don't even have the sound on. I just leave it playing. Yeah yeah. It's just comforting. It just played all yeah it's like Mario Lopez. No it is it's such a fun show man I mean I've watched it's just comforting. It just played all, yeah, it's like Mario Lopez. Right. No, it is. It's such a fun show, man. I mean, I've watched, it's a great flight show, too. Yes.

You guys, you haven't been on? No. No, I didn't want to bring it up. You're welcome to come on any time, man. I just like, if you're interested, I'll just think about it when we're in the room, the writers room. I'd be honored. Most of, like so many comics have come, like just come on and, you know, like if you like

to. Hell yeah. I'd love to, yeah. You many comics have come like you just come on and you know like if you like to hell Yeah, yeah, yeah, you heard it first folks. Yeah, that's a witness Yeah, I mean I mean if you want to buy my and they're just like mmm. Yeah It'll have to go to the proper paperwork That's pretty cool Bruno Mars have you been on tour like crazy because by the way new special Salvatore is on your YouTube channel right now. It's on 800 pound gorilla YouTube right now. Yeah It's his first special our other buddy Ari Shafir EP'd it. Oh At the Vic just like Mark in Chicago

Long time kind of long time overdue. It's kind of a big deal. Yes. It's been like probably ten years worth of stuff That's called terrified It's yeah, I mean it's I it feels good to finally have it that out and you know done and now working on the next one So well you spent years on it years. Yeah years love cuz you know a lot of people you celebrity they go Hey, I'm gonna go right into it special and get the no, but you worked it out Yeah, no, it was a good eight ten years of stuff and yeah, it came together cuz they it's like there was a lot of you Know material I didn't use I have you know few hours But like I wanted to have it like a theme of it

Like, you know, I wanted to like have it through line and everything and I didn't know what it was gonna be when I had to Spend the venue booked and everything and I just looking at everything and it kind of kind of came together I realized that like a lot of my stuff is fear-based. And so it's kind of a fear-based journey from my childhood to adulthood. Yeah. Hey, that's great. It's good, man.

It's up there now, so I don't know if you like it. Spread the word. Hell yeah. It went on, the day it released, my new tour also went on sale, so that's on sale right now, too. New hour, which I don't have yet. The right of new hour? Yeah, yeah, I'm in the middle of an hour.

It's like, oh God, man. And you know what's crazy? The tour starts in November and I don't, it's on sale right now. It's called Everything's Fine Tour. It's selling. Oh God. And it's like, I don't have it yet.

You know what I mean? It's terrifying. It actually is, right? But that will motivate you. Yeah, you need it. You gotta get on your ass, yeah. So, yeah, big week. It's a lot of falling on your face.

It's, we were talking about the other night. Was it your show I saw you at? You were getting off and you were like, oh, none of my new shit hit. Yeah, yeah. And then I went on, none of my new shit hit. Yeah. And it's like, you know, you just gotta.

Yeah, back in that space. Because toward the tail end, when you you're like working like when you're just drilling the special at the end You're like it's like oh, this is guy know exactly everything You know, and then you got to reset right to the bottom. Yes, and he's so weird two things You see the Steve Martin doc. I got a watch back. I watch new got a new out. Oh, no, I didn't see great But there's one point where he's just cooking finally after you know 20 years of doing this act and they finally get him on Saturday night Live so he's like I'm going on Saturday live and he said walking out He had the feeling of wait till they see this shit like this is gonna blow up right and That's a great feeling is stand up when you feel Seinfeld calls it the Bolero

What do you call a bull like a bull per vest? No those though those guns there? Oh, yeah? What is it? Bolero you got all the ammo Rambo is loaded up Yeah, Rambo, and that's the best feeling but when you start the new hour you got like a fucking wig Yeah, you're up against a bunch of lions, and if you realize you can't do it But I saw Louie the other night, and I think he'd be okay with me saying this he took a year and a half off Rusty yeah bad Bomb bombing should never do comedy it was rough where we're at uh the cellar okay or the stand whatever but he was struggling and you're like this guy is like top five top 10 of

all time yeah he's struggling and that's what's crazy about stand up. If you give a trumpet player a trumpet after two years, he can beep beep five minutes, he's got it. Stand up, it's all back to the... You use it to lose it. Yeah. You do lose it, man, it's crazy. It's crazy, it's a muscle. Yeah, it's...

Rhythm's off. If you can't speak it with confidence, you're tiptoeing through it in the beginning. Yeah. I know you go to your, like you go to the cart a lot. The notes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you guys, both of you guys, the Joker, I'm just shorter, I'm long, long, long,

how do you, like when you go up there, even Veeder, I always wonder like, when Veeder, by the way, his special's out. Yes, that's right. The hilarious Gary Veeder. Yes. I'm a producer on it, he cracks right. The hilarious Gary Veeder. Yes. I'm a producer on it. He cracks it.

I'm so proud. He's the best. Every joke is perfect. I'm like how do you, I guess it's just a repetition thing, but even when you're doing something, you're pulling things and putting things in and you have these set up punch,

and it's like 200 jokes in an act. How does he remember the order of it? I think as you write it, and there is a transition. Yeah. Like oh I did my baby stuff. You'll call it a necklace think as you write it, and there is a transition, like, oh, I did my baby stuff. Game field called it a necklace. Yeah.

Like, it kinda goes into the mix. String it together, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, it's tough. Yeah, yeah. Especially when it's new, you gotta figure, I'm at this stage right now where I'll be like, ah, shit, I forgot to do that one, I like that one. Yeah, yeah.

For me, within a story is tough, because I'm like, if I miss one part of the story that has to pay off later, so that's when I'm really in my head up there, but, yeah. Yeah, yeah, so. We one part of the story that has to pay off later. So that's when I'm really like in my head up there, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, so. We're all in the bombing phase right now. It's just hard to write right now

because I mean, holy shit, I'm going back on the road, thank God, but man, the sellers, so many funny people there. Like I followed Ethan Simmons Patterson last night. Oh, he killed. This shit's just killer. He's just murdering. Boom, boom, boom, boom. And then I'm like, fuck.

It took me like seven minutes to get them on my side. To get them on my took me like seven minutes and then and then by that point I was like I got a couple off but it's fucking hard yeah yeah it's tough yeah it's when you mixed in with people that aren't doing new material and it's like and then you like I'm always like you know for me too if people see me they don't like they're like oh I know that you know and then if I'm working like people that don't know really comedy like not count as they'll come and you suck that night You suck. Yeah, that's what they tell about here. So I'm he sucked You know what I mean? They don't they don't understand that with a stage or a we but we were on the other side of that Like I remember being a young comic like, you know

Very young at the Comedy Cellar and Chappelle would pop in and someone's like you were funnier than Chappelle. Yeah, we're doing different things Yeah, yeah, right. That's what I'm doing. But you know that, but that person's takeaway. He was fucking around trying to find shit. Right, right, right. But yeah, but the common audience member might not know that.

Right. And there's something about crowds, you stand outside the cellar, you will listen to people walking out and they all go, third guy was probably the best, second guy, he sucked, the girl was fat, whatever. And you're fat whatever what is that and it's not even malicious they just human nature what they have to

compare yeah yeah and it's a competition all the time they don't remember names so like oh that guy yeah this guy yeah I know but the real savvy fans out there they like the workout stuff but that's like 10% yeah they're excited to see us week I mean think about it it is They're excited to see us week. I mean, think about it. It is kind of cool to see your favorite comics working shit out, cause you get to kind of see their mind at work. I mean, that's the best.

Yeah, totally. When I see like, when I see like Louie fucking around, that's almost more exciting than seeing the hits. Yeah, for us. Give your balls a little hammock this summer for the ultimate in hot weather comfort. You've got to try sheath. I bet I'm wearing it too.

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Yeah, man, so you you're off the road now, but you're gonna go I'm on the road But this is a last leg with the jokers on our tour that was been going on for like a year We end in August and then my dates start, clubs in September and then theaters in November. So I never really stop because when I stop, I go to them and then when we stop, I go back. So I'm always writing, so when I'm on tour and I have this hour, I'm writing that one.

It's, this is, I'm in a constant state of this feeling. Right. You know, but you know, it's, you know. Keeps you alive. Yeah, yeah. You might be, you're one of the hardest working people I think we know, right? know but you know yeah yeah you might be you're one of the hardest-working people I think we know right I mean yeah I mean you guys I feel guilty asking Sal to do anything like that's why I please don't know you're always doing shit yeah I should without Steve Austin no no don't ever do that

come on actually we know we actually I would love to have it like I just a regular hang with you guys soon I haven't been to the clubs in a while because I've been just riding on the road, but now now I'm gonna come back now So don't back up. Yeah, it's one of the cons of being busy is like we used to go to the cellar and then you do your set and you're like Oh Sam's here. Oh Phil Hanley's here. Oh Sal's here and you would just sit and talk for four hours And you're like, ah, it's 2 a.m., we should go home. But now it's like we're all slammed. Yeah.

It's like being a kid when you're a kid you just see your friends at school. Yeah. And then you grow up and you're like, oh shit, we have to make an effort. Yeah. Same with comedy, that's perfect. School, right?

Yeah, and that's happened with so many of us. Like it's not the same when I go down there. You know what I mean? It's like, I go five years back and like exactly what you're saying. It's like, oh, I'm staying for the whole night It's like all of us there, you know, this is why I do like fully loaded You know with Burt cuz I'm like, I don't really care about doing ten minutes in front of Burt

I'm just like oh sodas on You know, maybe Shane will pop in big J's on it's like a hang. Yeah. Yeah, really what you do it I'm pumped. He's on it now. I did one I did one I was supposed to do a weekend, but I was already booked So I did I flew out and did one and a honey with nowhere in a baseball field somewhere It was fun. It was good. Yeah, yeah, it's a good time, but yeah, you're right. You know what the key is now Text threads you're gonna take a good text thread with like seven eight comics. Oh, it's like a hang. It's like it Yeah, that keeps it alive. It's like yes. Yeah, it's like a life lifeline

Exactly. Oh boy there if anybody ever got a look at that text thread, holy shit I'm in one where we have a purge every new year's every new year's what does that mean between the we delete the thread? Oh smart every heart every like in between the week of December and January Yeah, we get together for a hang and then we all delete at the same time. I would rather a sex tape of me My text thread. Unreal, I would go to jail. We all would. Either way, most of the comments would be like, that's it?

Yeah, that's true. We don't care. Yeah, it's like. We don't care. We're numb. But let me tell you something. Burt gives some swag bag at those. Woo!

I got a shipment to my house. It was basically like thousands of dollars worth of shit. Unreal. You got me a VR thing one time. Yeah, I got a full full scuba gear Whoa, and that was one of ten things I forgot that I got sneakers. I got slides. I got sweatshirts I got a grill. Yeah, I got like I got a I got a I got a ball. I got a bow and arrow And they are 15 Like a bow whatever it was I! An AR-15, a fucking flashlight. Well, like a bow, whatever it was. I opened it once.

I was like, I'll never use that. But he really like goes, he really goes over it. Yeah. You know, you could just pay us more. We don't need a scuba tank. I don't know what these broad scuba assumptions are. Like, I live in New York City. Am I going to the East River? Come on!

Anyone on that bill I looked at and I was like nobody here is ever going to scuba. Big J's chain wall. Prostate tip. Yeah right. We appreciate it. He got me a tracksuit. Yeah you get sneakers. He's great like gay. He's great. Very generous Custom-made Air Force ones very nice might scrape that I never see you in a Nike I'm not a big Air Force one guy. They're free. I'm pulling off. They look great. Hey, thanks Yeah, like a simple shoe. Yeah, I Would agree with that. This is the classic. Well, I love this goes with anything and everything. I'm a sneaker guy I have like 300 pairs. This is my favorite pair where repair. Yeah, I wear this like 50% of the time I would just goes with any comfy. These are just mad comfortable. Yeah, those look comfortable

But those are those are classic but then they feel like I'm walking on plywood. Nah, you got to get the Extra Kush, uh, they offer it now. I didn't know they're hip to the game now. Yeah I won't do it out there for cushion to the game now. Yeah. Okay. I won't do it without the extra cushion. No. No, you won't catch me with no cushion. Say I love a Converse, but there's no cushion. I gotta peeve.

All right, we gotta peeve. Wow. Toilet seats that won't, you can't get them to come up. They won't stay up. I hate it. You're trying to pee and it keeps coming down. Oh, I see. It's just, my hotel room two days ago, I was there five days ago, went to the Bahamas, finally had

a break and the whole week it went up and it has the stopper but it would come down slow. It would slow down. You're in a race now to pee. Right, right. You gotta do this shit while you pee. That's a pet pee. Yeah, there we go.

I'm back. That's a good one. Toilet seats like penises, annoying when they won't stay up. Yeah! Nice. You know, when I was a kid we had the fluffy, like the cushiony. Oh, that is wild that that ever existed. That's just a harbinger of disease in that thing.

You're a germaphobe. Really? Yeah. To an extent, I'm not like the guy that lives in a bubble or anything, but yeah, I really am kind of. I can tell you, because you don't seem like you would be, but I feel like certain people in our lives, you can never spot a germaphobe. Yeah, that's true.

They're like Jews, you can kind of tell, but not really. That's true. Ironically, a lot of germaphobes, Jews. Yeah, true, true. That toilet seat was foam. It was foam. And then, you know, after about a month, it had a crack in it. That was what I was gonna, and that's the rub, that crack would cut my ass. It was foam. And then you know after about a month it had a crack in it. That's

the rub. That crack would cut my ass. Cut your ass. But then everyone else is sweating and everything is going in there for the life of that thing. It's soaking in like a donut, like Dunkin' Coffee or something. And then you're getting, and when you sit down it expels whatever in there back up. That's how sponges work google it and that was just I mean you don't even know what you put on your body with that right I had ringworm every year yeah that was that's what oh man I never thought about that was the 90s no one thought about germs got sweaty I can't believe he still sell it who I mean maybe maybe someone with hemorrhoids or

something I don't know now my dad loved it but this is the Louisiana Heat you're right that thing had a film on it It had a film and you know what went along with that which I still think is baffling a shag carpet right on the bottom of the The toilet carpet. Oh, yeah, how and why? Particle trap not even commercial carpet. It's shag carpet. Yes Yes, we've all had the dick days where we don't know where the fuck that stream is going Do you ever look down at a urinal when you go to pee? Yeah.

It's horrifying. It's just the Ganges down there. There's always a puke in there. How did the puke always fall off? You remember the girl, see, sometimes I forget to clean it. You get a little pee on the side and she goes, what happened here? What do you think happened?

You know what happened. I never left pee on a seat in my entire life. Really? I just peed in there, I took a thing, wiped it. If it's there, I wipe it. I do all wipe. Yeah. This is my move. I've thing wiped it if it's there. I wipe it. I do a wipe Yeah, this is my better at it, but in my own apartment This is a thought of a male ego. I won't hit the seat up. I hit the seat sock

Where is that raised it that socks you saw me in your home? Yes, I still don't like it In your home, so then you walk around a piece of Yes, I still don't like it In your home, so then you walk around a piece of But then so your traipse in that peel of your home all day long Yeah, but I was a bedwetter so you can drape me in your would even notice. Oh, you're immune to it. Yeah Yeah, you have the antidote The antidote I have the antidote yeah, I'm covered in urine I mean you go to someone's house. There's that pee rug down there Yeah, and it's like you know they're not they're not thrown out in the wash nightly you got that right you know never

What I have one in my house. I have that that little it's you know hugs the bowl even though cover the bowl cover I don't have the bowl cover that looks fucking hilarious. What will we do it looks insane? I don't like a Legoland toilet. What do you find looks like the Lorax? I don't like a legoland toilet. What do you find looks like the Lorax? That's silly come on. That's was it a good cookie monster toilet. This is ridiculous, dude Do you know what I heard in the I was in the gym today? And you know what song played remember that song Superman that ho you know yeah, I'll soak your boy Man that ho which is when you come in a woman's back and then put a sheet on it because it's the cape Oh, well, I think

That's what I found out today That's what that is. Yeah, but look it up. I could be wrong, but I'm like no I knew it They get mad about our jokes this is a hit. It's optics It's optics when you come on a girl's back and then stick sheets on her so when she wakes up in the morning She has a cape sticks sheets on her so when she wakes up in the morning she has a cape. Something about your delivery was excellent. I like that there was a producer there who was like,

we've got ourselves a hit. But that's so funny because that's a crossover hit and so many of them, so you're at weddings and the kids are like, Superman now and they're all singing it. It's like, there's so many of those. I know. When we were little, was that one the one

Looking in your big brown. Hi. Oh girl. I'm gonna. Yeah, you're gonna push it push it some more. You don't know the one Girl, I'm gonna make you sweat Sweat so you can't sweat no more same guy and if you cry, right same guys who sing the cops theme It is yes, boys? Yes! No way! And you walk around with that knowledge. That's unbelievable. Wow, I don't know that.

Is that a reggae hit? Yeah, it was like a poppy reggae one. Wow, well what about skeet skeet skeet, motherfu- I mean that's just jizz jizz jizz. This is jizz all over the place. To the windows, to the wall. Yeah, that guy's jizzing all over the hotel. Fill the sweat drips down my balls. There you go. That, that is pretty quick

Oh, yeah, it's a huge Don't you put a good beat there and the kids kids kids love it This plays at the Disney store. Yeah, I mean at the M&M store in Epstein It does he sees a lady across the room ends up banging her in the ass that's what that's about and if you cry out when I'm doing it I'm gonna push it more he said Wow. And if you cry out, I'm gonna push you some more. Whoa. Wow.

Which is also maybe an assault. Maybe. That's why I need the cops theme. Yeah. This is what Hamas should do. You want a bad message out there, add a good beat, and maybe people will listen. Yeah, hire these guys. Yeah, get some twerking women in burkas.

This is the same guy? Same guy. Eric Andre had a great bit about this song. Yeah, get some twerking women in burkas Yeah, same guy same guy Eric Andre had a great bit about this song How reggae is so homophobic and he's like what you're gonna do if you touch my ass. I'll fucking kill you like that But yeah bad boy boy cops that was on every night at my house They took it off and they took it back. They put it back on there right big J's favorite show went like 30 something years Yeah, oh, yeah, it's like it's like um like a Hell's Kitchen to me like I could watch all you could watch it

It doesn't matter if you've seen all 30 seasons. Oh, it's just it just it doesn't matter You'll watch it all day long. They're all the same episode there all it's the same thing over and over But it doesn't really matter. Yeah, you just love seeing that guy trying to get out of it And then the funny part is all the chase you would see your town and you get excited. Oh, they're in New Orleans! They're going to beat up some New Orleans guys! I might know them! It was fun.

I never got how they got people to sign the waiver to be on TV. A lot of them were face blurred though, so they probably didn't sign. Imagine they said, we'll let you off a little bit in court if you sign this thing. We'll get you a lawyer. How is that anywhere legal though? They're compromising the law for entertainment and for ratings. How is that a bargain? I'm sure they're lying.

I don't think being on the show helps their case at all. Well, also, I think there's a lot of, you know, dumb guys who are like, I can be on TV. Fuck yeah. I'm on cops. I mean, Wilson Vince. Why do women sign up for girls gone wild? Do they sign up for that? I thought the whole thing was they didn't sign up for they just start going

I'll catch it you gotta get a release. Oh really oh yeah. Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense now I never really thought too much about it. Oh, yeah that guy's in jail. Yeah, yeah, I think so he got what happens I'm Joe Joe her oh he was like a he was like a work like He's like he was like worth like a hundred million bucks Yeah, he crumbling down was one of those rich and shameless ones. Yeah, I just watched one of those. They're on TNT They're pretty good. Actually. Do you see the one who is that? No, Francis

No The guy from the he played for the Jets and then he wanted to be a boxer for a while and they were they had this scummy promoter who was trying to be Don King. So they're just paying people off to take dives. Look up the Jets guy who was a boxer in the 90s. Not Herschel Walker. That guy could not use any more blows to the head, I'll tell you. Yeah, find the guy's name because they're doing all these boxing matches.

No, he's a white guy like yeah It was a started in 89 and in 95 but dude, they're just paying people to take dives Wow, we keep because they said because this promoter is a scumbag and if he can get to 12 and oh they'd give him A shot at George Foreman, which this guy's huge and shredded, but he can't box sure ridiculous Yeah, he's getting he's gonna get killed so he goes against one real guy and the real guy is like, oh, I'm gonna fucking kill you. Yeah, he's Frank Gore No, it's not Frank or do it from like the 80s. Oh Gastineau. Gastineau. Oh, yeah, I guess and I didn't know Yeah, the big stash. Yeah But the guy he goes against I don't you gotta find this guy's name just fucking pummeled him

Yeah smaller too, but yeah, I'm also I can't box and you never know if there's gonna be a little ultication You never know. It's like, you know a Jew or germaphobe. You never know Who has the skill set, you know, they could look very unassuming Yeah the last thing you want to do is be like Engage someone who wants to do that and then you see they take a stance that looks like You know pretty professional and then what do you do then? Well, it's like Chris Gethards been doing muay thai for like 20 years, and you would never know yeah

No, no nothing against him. Oh man. Thank God. I almost swung him the other night. He could kick all of our asses He's a tough dude. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, then you look at him. You look at him up close. He's pretty like he's tough solid Yeah Man wouldn't it be great to be like a Brazilian black belt or something like that just something that no one else knows But you know and yes, you could walk around just feel like I could handle it. Don't worry completely My brother's like that. He looks like a real wink and he's been doing jujitsu for like 30 years literally and it took oh Man, I remember that the day it turned we used to fight all the time Then one day he just was like spinning me on his feet. No shit

Oh, there's always that thing like when you're learning it, if you have to apply it before you're really there. Yes. And then that's a real goose egg hanging out there because then you're like, I'm two belts in and I'm gonna apply it and then you just get pummeled anyway. Right, yeah, I could always take them because I would go, there I go finger up the ass,

twist the nip, bite the ear, whatever, but then he figured out how to throw me across the room. Yeah. Flick. How about that friend growing up who's just learning it and keeps trying to put moves on you, and you're like, all right, I get it. I get you know that.

I mean, you're full Nelson, and I think it's annoying now. Yeah. Anyway, the point of the story was he gets to the guy, the guy kicks his ass, so they want a rematch, and the guy does a rematch in Oklahoma. It's shady, there's like 200 people there. The promoter fucking drugs him in the water

and it's killing him. It's killing him. Look up the guy's name, I think it's like Tim something. Drugs the other guy. Drugs the other guy. Oh. So Gaston wins because he drugged him and something's off about it.

If you see the footage, so the guy. It's like a movie. So the guy calls him and he says, hey man, what the fuck did you do to me? And he goes, you call me again, I'll kill your sister. That's what the promoter says So specific. Yeah, so he Alright I'll text Check your inbox

So he shows up to a hotel room with a gun to tell the guy like tell me what you did to me because I'm fucking dying Like something's wrong with me Whoa! Oh he saw him and he raised him. This is the guy who poisoned him. This piece of shit. Whoa, he's a psycho. The guy goes, that guy poisoned him? I don't see it.

Yeah, he seems like such an upstanding citizen. But then he goes, I'm gonna kill your sister now for you asking this. So he takes the gun out and kills this fucking scumbag promoter, goes to prison. They withheld evidence that he poisoned him and they couldn't find him.

So this guy's still in prison for like 20 something years. First degree murder. Did the other guy die? Yeah, he's dead. Oh man. But he's in prison and his sister who he was like taking care of died. And he wanted to like be around and take care of kids.

Oh this is tragic all around. It's tragic, I'm sorry you know this. Because I just watched the rich, it's not a 30 for 30, it's called I think like a rich and shameless. Yeah, this is when he knocked out Gassano for real. I mean, this guy couldn't fight, he fucked his ass up. Oh!

So this is the guy who's in prison still. The blonde guy. Yeah, he fucked Gassano up. So if they could get people, I mean, if it's out there that it's like he got wronged, that's his legal system, there's nothing you can do about it. I mean, that's it. Remember that podcast serial?

Yeah. Get that woman on it. Yeah, really. Yeah. Whatever happened with that Netflix one with the dopey kid that like they fooled? Making a murderer? Yeah, right?

There was a second season and you felt for that guy and then whatever happened. It was all debunked, I think. I think it was all wrong. They had the wrong guy. Meaning they were, were no no, but so meaning they still in jail I think he was framed well that was what the doc was about but what came of it like is he still there? They still both in there. I don't know I heard it was something shady nefarious shit behind that doc Really? That's what I heard but again. It's it's a problem

We don't know this three people here who all watched it We still don't know the it's swept in a sh, but now you don't know what happened You know what I mean, and then they did a second one and so that kid was like you know like he You know he was it says he was sentenced to prison with l eligibility for parole 2048 Hey, so I guess he did do it. He's still in the young friend Brandon dasi. That's the young kid That's young kid and they duped into admitting it. Yeah. Oh my god. That's 24 years from now Yeah, he'll get out early good behavior. Oh my god. I got a good feeling So they just think he did it then

So what about the people that were like making a two Netflix docs to prove his innocence there? I want answers right now Sally Well all these they do follow-ups now right they didn't follow up to the staircase that a follow now There's a new season of the Jenks. I'm watching that it's good I just watched the first season and because I didn't watch it before and it's fucking incredible. Yeah, it is incredible Yeah, it is wild. That is some shit. I didn't love this. I'm not loving the sequel I feel like it's too focused on the first one like it's all about the first episode or the first season I'm like give me some new information. Let's stop going back to the the original how far in you are you two EPS? Oh keep going. Yeah, I'm three. I think okay pretty good man. Yeah

The way they got me was they say they'll be even more revealed. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm waiting You tell me all will be revealed you say those words. I'm tuning in. Yeah, I'm there no money more than other way this podcast You got to keep listening but some crazy shit's gonna drop in We can't tell you what and we can't tell you which episode but just keep listening. Yes. Sal does a Superman I'm winning the question is on the question is on She's the whole small capes is a nap Do you remember do you remember when they used to have those um the magician tells all yeah He wore a mask and he gave away all the secrets like oh my god. I couldn't tune in faster than I love that

You know didn't tell all was Copperfield Is that yeah, I just you know that's that's all that's the thing right? Oh, yeah 16 ladies Wow Yeah, saw them in half. Yeah, I just that's that's all that's the thing right? Oh, yeah, 16 ladies Wow. Yeah, saw them in half. Yeah, I Saw him on Broadway and I was right in the front and I saw how he pulled some shit off just my eyesight Yeah, and then I went again, so I went with my lady and then I brought my parents So this is the disappointment the first time I went there's a point where they saw him in half or whatever and he's standing Up there and I literally saw it. So so I was like I can't believe this but he's wearing black jeans and a black button-down shirt and it's tucked in and he's basically standing in front of fake black jeans that are molded to look like him so he

steps into the jeans but they're just it's the front of him and like I literally saw it so I was like oh all right that's not too thrilling wow then he made this he was pulling people from the audience left and right pull these two people from the audience put him on a love seat throw a sheet over it levitated into the middle of the up in the middle of the theater right and I'm like oh my god this is that I take my parents back they were plants oh I mean people same exact people now I look how does he not get obviously he's not levitating the couch But I didn't think I thought he was doing that someone knew every time it turned out the four people he took during that show

They were all the same people also He doesn't think this stuff has he's kept so close to the course sequence vest right yeah So he doesn't think that someone might go twice and then it's cats out of the bag immediately yeah, yeah So ever since then I wasn't too hot on him him I was like he didn't make the statue disappear. No It's still there last time I you know what I heard those 16 women just one woman Bummer yeah, you know it's kind of like a first time I ever saw a stand-up live I was blown away, and I saw him again same act, and I was crushed yeah, but there's another piece of bills I know like I said he did the same thing. Oh my god

Yeah, yeah, but that's right. I'm gonna try to mix up a little get a couple new ones in there But there's a magician that's taken over the nation. He's out in in the the the Midtown area I can't think of his name, but his whole thing is like okay I'll tell you a trauma thing about you, and then he pulls a note out He's like your mom was killed in front of you and the lady's like that's true like, okay, I'll tell you a trauma thing about you. And then he pulls a note out and he's like, your mom was killed in front of you. And the lady's like, that's true. How'd you know or whatever. And it's incredible. And it's sweeping the nation. Everybody says he's the best ever. Can't think of his name, but now I'm worried those are plants.

Oh, wow. Did you guys hear see in and of itself? You didn't hear about it. In and of itself. Oh, if you want to get your balls clear blown off. Is this the same guy I'm talking about? This is Derek DelGuardia. Yes, that's that's it. That's what he does there It's in they have it they taped it for like HBO whatever I gotta watch this I saw this live three times. It is the wild thing. So it's real. It's real Okay, it's the wildest thing you've ever seen. So he was the guy who said was a scam I'm asking if it is cuz I'm saying you talk well I mean he does some secret but like it's so when this first came out when he was doing this live show

At the theater downtown. Yeah, they had to have people looking they had a list of magicians Look, I've almost just come because magicians were coming in trying to video it and and find out that even other magicians don't understand how he did it. That's what I'm saying. It was in the news and everything. They were like, they caught multiple magicians attending the show and videoing it so they could try to piece together how the hell he did it. The show from beginning to end, you're like, I don't understand.

Wow. But it's not just, it's not like tricks. You get it. So you see those cards there, those little white cards? I am. So in the hallway before you get to the theater, there's like thousand of them. Yes that's the note. It says I am and it just says like a comedian I am a mom I am a carpenter I am a lover I am afraid I am and you get to pick whatever one you want it's in the hallway you just pick

it there's not no cameras around no nothing you could pick it out but the whole place is let in so it's not like they're watching every person because there's like 60 70 people at a time just grabbing and putting them back. You rip the card, you put it in your pocket, you take it in. At one point in the thing, at the very end, he looks at every last person in the audience and says, you're a comedian, you're a lover, you're neurotic. And he says, if I get it right, stand up. And the whole theater stands. Every single person's card.

How does he do that? I don't know. And even if he has a camera on the lobby or something where the house how does he remember everyone it's impossible incredible but the greatest thing he does is he calls someone on stage this is it and yeah and he and I think like there's a book if I remember correctly but you go out is a bookshelf on stage it's just really really cool the way he does it he tells his story of his childhood Nick it goes goes through these five stages. And this person goes up on a ladder,

takes a book, opens it, and... Let me get this right. Story of their life kind of thing? Yeah, so, no, so what he does is he takes one person, and he gives them a book, and he says, every night I send someone home with this book. Every single night. It's halfway through the show.

He's like, so you're gonna miss the second half of the show. But if you want this book, I'll give it to you. You leave, you can attend tomorrow's show. I'll give it to somebody else. And you gotta write on a page in there. And people, he's had it for like, it's a book this big and everyone's always returned it. And I forget what it is, but he reads from it

and there's something based out of there. But then he opens the book and there's a letter in it From their family there you go And it's it's multiple people he hands like three or four letters and he goes I want you to open this or people just start Balling it's these intimate letters from people in their families that he has it's just the most insane We know I try Google the shit out of that. I can't find out how he does it. Is he playing huge venues and super- The one I saw was in, I would say the theater held 120 people. But it was sold out. It was like the New York Times best ever thing, whatever it is.

I wonder if he can't move up to bigger venues because this thing is got a- Or maybe it's best intimate like comedy Frank Ah's directed that's a huge director yeah I mean I don't know if what you know I'm watching it's never the same but it's worth it's worth a watch just to see what I'm talking about because I'm not even doing it justice because I'm like half-assed to telling what he does but I've heard like ten different people tell me about it people walk out they're looking stunned yes like the whole crowd gets up and like it's quiet everyone's just like looking at sure like what do we just see? I don't understand. We just wow

I don't love the crying that magic brought in I like it was fun you cut the lady in half even David Blaine's out in the ghetto with the yeah You know making crazy shit making everybody laugh and run away But now magic is turning like this. How do you know about my trauma? You know, I'm like, how do you know about my trauma? And I'm like, all right, do I have to bring trauma and everything? Is that a great trip?

You were raped. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Woo! I wasn't, I wasn't. Well, look down. Ha ha ha ha ha. Is that magic or is it just fucking terrifying and all? He like reaches in and pulls out a dildo,

he's like, ha ha! Ha ha ha ha. I'm waiting for him's gonna be like you're gay. I'm like Yeah, everything has to be trauma now, but uh, you know still impressive I'm gonna go I'm gonna watch this on Hulu to jump back to the boxing thing Who do you think's gonna win it with Tyson and uh, Jake Paul? Yeah, have you talked about that already? I don't know. We haven't I mean Tyson is just so old But he's Tyson well. He just had a health scare. Oh today was in the See I wanted to be is I wanted to be on his best that he can't don't you think I mean

It's doesn't it kind of have to be a little rigged these these fights. Yeah What does that say Mike Tyson seen in wheelchair at Miami International Airport. You think he's playing possum? Ooh! It could be. Changing the odds a little bit? Yeah. Yeah. Making him think, you know, he's it.

I mean, if you watch the videos of him training right now, he's just as scary as 30 years. I mean, it's like. But he is 57 or 58. Yeah, it's going to be a stamina thing, maybe. But they made this one. So far, every other one wasn't a professional fight. This counts toward his record Oh, wow, so if he if he gets his loss, it's gonna be his second loss

Yeah, so Jake, you know, so that that's why they're saying like, oh, there's no way he's gonna lose to this kid, right? Well Jake Paul, he's great. He's everybody hates him, but he can fight. He knows what he's doing He has a pro as an entertainer promoter. I mean the guys you know he beat that tyron woodley, and it was a crazy I see be lost to one guy though right yeah by decision he lost to a Tommy fury yeah, Tommy for you that guy was good though. Yeah, yeah I watch I watch every one of these fights because they're so intriguing I know you know what I mean Barman Bailey shit Yeah, yeah, and then his brother fought They're laughing all the way to Mayweather. Yeah, I mean these are these are like 50 hundred million dollar paydays for each of them

I know I know it's like you do a few of those and then and there's what are they spending on Pokemon cards? Yeah, I don't know who's gonna win my money's on Tyson but this wheelchair thing you never know I just don't want to, nothing against Jake Paul, but you don't wanna see Tyson. Get beat up by a YouTube blonde kid? Yeah, well not even yet. It's a sad end. It's just, yeah, it's like, Tyson is untouchable, you know?

To see him now, if he gets knocked out, it's gonna be like, oh. It's like if Darth Vader got killed by like Justin Timberlake or something. Right. You'd be like, Star Wars doesn't feel the same. That's true. Is it really a victory for him if he wins?

I don't know. What if Jake Paul gets knocked out? Again, it's just so, anything that happens, I just don't want it to be a drab fight that just ends in a little decision, nothing. Dude, I was bummed, I'm a Knicks fan, I was bummed when Nate Robinson got knocked out by one of them, I forgot which one.

That was him, that was Jake Paul. Was it Jake or Logan? Jake. That was fight number two, I believe. Well, he knocked him out and I'm like, fucking Nate Robinson's not a boxer. But I love that dude. And it happened immediately.

He just caught him immediately. You know? And it's just weird, like boy box. But that's when- A basketball player. He's training as a boxer, Jake Paul. Yeah. But that was like one of the fights where people were like,

oh shit, he can actually, he has knockout power. Yeah. Because Nate Robinson was a strong player. Yeah, but he was older too. Older. And you see the fight, he just runs in, and he has no form, and it's like, yeah, I couldn't, if I had to square up against someone,

I would look ridiculously silly. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. I was just reading about this fight with Marciano when he fought Joe Lewis, when Joe Lewis was at the end of his run. He was just reading about this fight with Marciano when he fought Joe Lewis. When Joe Lewis was at the end of his run, he was like, this is my hero. He said every time I hit him, I felt bad. He's like, after I won, I went in the locker room and I cried for half an hour.

Oh, he beat him. Yeah. Marciano was undefeated. Well, that shows that age is a real factor because he's a better boxer than Marciano, I'd say. For sure. But he was just way out of his time. Is this who Raging Bull is based on? Yes.

Okay. Yeah, absolutely. Wow, they're really just slugging. It's like a Rocky movie. Look at those tiny gloves too. Oh yeah. I mean, there's no defense here. But Marciano, psycho dude, he grew up in the Bronx I believe and his parents, his dad would get all the kids together when they were five and throw pennies at them to fight.

And whoever won the fight got the pennies. So he said he had a padding in his head. They studied his skull and he had more padding than most people. That's how he could withstand punches. Because it kind of hardened him Yeah, yeah like Homer Simpson in an episode where he fought also they did a reference to it. He had extra padding no You know just tired everyone out in that episode. Yeah. Yeah, you could just take a million punches. That's crazy Wow 51 look at that Damn, I'm sure that of the honkies love that Taking down the how old is Tyson now? 59 no 57 I love that. Taking down the- How old is Tyson now? Gotta be- 59?

No! 57? Is he really that- Tyson? Yeah, he's old. 57. In 1966. That's my only fear.

30 year difference. Eesh. Yeah. Eesh. And he's been to jail, he's smoking weed a lot now. I mean, it's not looking- If it was an actual, like, no gloves on fight, Tyson wins it in a second.. It's not looking. If it was an actual no gloves on fight,

Tyson wins it in a second. Yeah. But with rules. I don't think, how is Tyson not gonna connect? Like if you watched the Logan Paul, the really rich Floyd Mayweather one, it was like a lot of nothing. Yeah.

Well, he's a professional dodger, so no one can hit him, that's his whole thing. But he didn't even really connect on Logan except for one time, so it's well, he's for professional Dodger. So like no one can hit him. That's his whole thing But like he didn't even really connect on Logan except for one time So it's like I don't understand like how that's how how are they gonna avoid? You tell me just gonna be throwing like at the air the whole time like I gotta see him Mayweather is incredible, but it's not exciting. He's never an exciting fight. It's it's just him It's just him winning points. Yeah, you're. Yeah, it's frustrating. You're just annoyed. You're like, it's like a fucking fly that you just can't get.

But like, yeah, so those heavyweight fights were so much more fun. Like those old school Holyfield fights were awesome. Oh, you're just like, I'm going to, someone's getting knocked the fuck out. Like Tyson, obviously, back in the day. Lennox Lewis was a badass. I know he was a lot of like, you know, length and stuff like that, but. Oops, sorry, wrong one. So there's a theory here that during the Mayweather fight,

Mayweather actually knocked him out and then lifted him up and held him up. What? Yeah, here it is, here's the footage. He punched him, knocked him out, and then holds him up. Oh yeah, look at that. He's like, stay up, cause I need this payday.

Yeah, wow. So what do you get, the more rounds, the more pay? Well, don't lose, you can't lose. Wait, why? Who said get the more rounds the more pay well don't lose I don't you can't lose wait why who said stay up? I need to pay that so not and I need to pay day I thought he did win though. It was I think it was a tie wasn't it a weird tie Oh, no, I think he won by decision may well may one one by decision, maybe Yeah, he's there's no rematch if you fall or something like that. Yeah, that's Logan. That's not Jay. Oh is that what it was okay? Mm-hmm. Oh, sorry how that kind of it does look like it there

But I remember hearing this seeing it from another angle not being sure but yeah that does look like it It looks he's holding them up, but here's the thing he gets them right in the it's not even about the winning or losing It's the fact that these guys have the access to I mean Floyd is the best boxer on the planet. Maybe, what's his name, Canelo. But like, he's like one of the best, and Tyson obviously is one of the best, and they have access to these guys. That's the crazy part. Yeah, it's the payday.

Money will get you, you're gonna listen to shit. I guess so. But uh. You box him? Would you box him? Oh. For a payday? Sure.

You box anybody. I mean I would last eight seconds, but I would do it. But you'll be like, I'll take eight seconds, but I would do you you'll be like I'll take this hit and hopefully nothing bad happens. It's a 16 ounce glove. I got a mouth guard. Let's go No mouth guard. Yeah, no headgear. No headgear. Yeah, but you can knock me out. I could I've been knocked out What's the price you're getting in for that? Well, what's the threshold? It's got to be out to get it for 10 grand Really? No way John YouTube I blow up it so'd sell out for a year after that.

Yeah, you'd get heckled pussy the whole fucking time. Yeah, wait, don't- I got in the ring tonight. Don't extrapolate. I'm not saying- You're not doing it. You're not doing it. You're not doing it for 10. Okay, well, I mean, 10's the minimum. I'll do it for 100. You don't know what would happen. It's not gonna boost you. Alright, we'll see 100.

100,000. Which is peanuts to Floyd. And you get in and they can knock you Out yeah, oh wait we took in Florida that we're done one of the Paul brothers you get in with oh Yeah, 10 any of them really but why not? I mean he would Jake Paul's gonna knock him out right away, too I mean it's like yeah, how would I do what are we doing? Yeah? You know yeah, I still do my old moves finger up the ass

Titty twist whatever it takes I think I would just go like this and then just he gets me in the ribs like oh that you know the kidney and I'm Like oh and just fall over that way. That's not bad. Yeah, cuz you'll heal from that. You don't get CTE Or this is this could be like a punishment on impractical jokers. They did it on jackass. What do they do butter bean? Just store but punch Johnny in the face, it's disturbing. It's it is serving this guy is known for knocking out the heavyweight boxes He I don't think he even defended it right he just now he just like knocked him out cold It was like it wasn't nice. I mean the the balls on Knoxville to just get like see they're like a fucking Macy Oh, he's okay, so he boxed him okay, him okay but there was no defense yeah just why can't we get

oh they're in like the sporting goods store that's funny I mean he's gotta go to the hospital I oh yeah right there I mean that was it and he's just he's just yeah he's just laying there yeah it's not oh I didn't realize they did it just in a public store yeah yeah he's sn he's snoring. I think right there. Oh, look at the blood. Oh That's not worth it. No, that's that's different. No, it's the same. Maybe how is that different? I think I think it's identical referee. There's no ring, yeah, I Probably hit his head on the glass thing on the case

This is horrible. Well, why would butter bean agree to that? And why do you get named butter bean? I guess he looks like a buddy. What's a butter bean? I'm shady But is that like what's a butter turkey? Oh about a ball ball? Yeah, that's what I mean. I don't know But a ball be a better name. It's a butter butter ball be a great bet. That's a butter bean Kind of look like I guess if you just expand it You know what I mean? Yeah, is it two eyeballs on his head looks like a butter best head and body It looks like a butter bean on a small butter bean on top of a bigger butter bean is having with shorts on it Yeah, it's shorts on a butter bean and you got butter bean. Why would he agree to do that? Well, it's a fun gag

I know but you're gonna I mean just knock someone out call you possible concussion. Yeah, look at him. He's uh, he needs the work Yeah, and the product craft service was solid. Let's be honest I mean he's oh, he looks like a thumb. Yeah, cuz he literally looks like a phone Bobby Kelly's really Yeah, oh Bobby Bobby looks on oh my god Bobby's a nipple flick the other day that's a fucking peeve What it gets me with the nipple flick? I hate a nipple flick. Yeah, and then he was like, ooh He hit with a nipple flick and did like the gir girly Oh, he nailed you and we got that on tape. I got that on tape

He really knew the aim on bad people of great aim I Wrote down peeves cuz I didn't like have one of them ready last time all right, I Hate it when you're driving right and the turning lane comes out of nowhere at the light So you're driving this traffic these people on your left and your right and all of a sudden the lane you're in now is a turning only Yeah, turning lane only good call. That's a bit and now you're stressed or the reverse You need to turn straight only and it's on the floor only yeah And you can't seeing it this cars in front of traffic in front of you and then last minute you got to be the guy That has to make a maneuver yeah

You know you might then everyone thinks you know bleep in the horn and then you're in traffic so you're trying to merge and you're still and I've had people just thinking a roll down the window and curse me out and every call happens all the time yeah the best of us and we're in we're in on the road we're in random cities we don't know the the logistics we don't have a dish it memorized you know so they get mad at you and you're like I'm not local I hate it I drove once in LA and wait a minute let's see oh wait I drove I drove once in LA and I was immediately like a guy was like you asshole and I was like sorry LA is tough right on red

everywhere but New York is that the thing yeah it's right on right everywhere. Oh here it is. Oh You handle that well Oh, I said it True Hey true. Yeah, it's true right on the fucking nip Lee Harvey. I'm getting them back. Yeah, I'll get revenge This is my jerk store You gotta have an easier shot. He's got some real pizza pie You got to get someone in on it with you and give him a done get a double

I got your back really yeah, go right I go left. Oh, yeah, I'll bring a rubber band You only get one shot is like Eminem though. Yeah, true. You hit him in the peck area. You'll never get him again He'll be on high alert Good peeve I got another peeve too. All right, I got one too. Mine's a little shittier than that one. That's a good specific one. I got yeah, I jotted them down this week. I'm like I can't forget the peeves. Oh, I got one. Love it. I'm in line in a you know public bathroom. First of all the side peeve on the way to my peeve the unisex bathroom I'm sorry women take way longer. It's a disadvantage to the men. It's a good point. But anyway, I'm in line. That's not the peeve It's a side peeve People who take forever in the public

Bathroom yeah, cuz there's two there's two of them in a restaurant. There's two One per like four people have come out since the first person went in that one. I'm like. Oh, what are you doing in there? You're right. I'll give you one better when I go into that situation and I go in I get anxious immediately like I'm on the clock I'm on the clock. I'm on the clock You know if someone's waiting out there. I don't want to think I took a shit. I don't want to you know whatever I don't I'm just like I'm rushing out sometimes. You have to take a shit I get it sometimes you got to go you got to go But I do like to hit him with one of these when they come out. I like to go like this

Good shame them. Yeah a little shame Consideration folks. What are you doing? I'm a big door knocker. I'll give it a couple knocks. Yeah. Yeah, they can do on yeah That's good. You could faint that you didn't know you know cuz oh you just jiggle the handle like you know I'm in here. I was like alright, and then they don't know if you walked away, then you jiggle it again Yeah, it's gonna be somebody else somebody. Yeah, that's a good Still a peeve yeah, you remember that Louie episode where he's like shit and get out. Then he walks away and Louis standing there. And he comes out and he's like, what the hell, man? He's like, that wasn't me.

He's like, just stand there. But yeah, all right, I got to peeve. And I got to bathroom peeve after my other peeve. This one's pretty basic, pretty general. Is the cabbie or the cashier lady or whoever who won't respond, they just won't respond. You know, you get in the cab and he goes, where you going? And I go, uh, 53rd and 3rd, is that cool? And I'm like, you got it?

And he's like, and I'm like, do you have the information? He goes, I got it. And you're like, oh, I don't know. Give me a confirmation or some kind of reply. I hate the no reply. That's a New York thing. That happened to me today. I was leaving my house to come in I got an uber and I took a little long and

Because I forgot something house had to run back in but when he arrived I'm like I'm coming down in the uber to you from the Times Square so annoying a uber Oh, no, I'm not here, but I was so over somewhere today So when he was pulling up I make I'm in the building so I'm like I'm in the elevator now And that's when I was still my pump I was leaving but I went to the elevator forgot something And that's when I was still in my apartment, but I was leaving. But I went to the elevator, forgot something,

had to go back in, so I already sent him the elevator text. So then I was taking, I feel bad, so then when I got down there, out of the building, I did the jog, and I got in, I closed the door, and I go, oh man, I go, my building elevator's not working, I had to just run down nine flights. I was like, ooh man, Jesus, so sorry sorry about that but yeah and there was no response. I know I'm lying to you and stuff but like like I'm coming in with a gun Oliver I'm coming

in I'm being personable I'm telling you know and if it was true you know I'm out of breath you know and I'm telling you I just had something happen and he didn't say a single word. I might have even went okay. Yes, I do the okay now, because I'm sick of it. Yeah. It's an epidemic, and you made an effort. Yeah. You're like, hey, this is why I'm late,

blah, blah, blah. When someone doesn't say thank you, you hold the door open for someone, or someone cuts your line, or like you wave someone on, they don't give you the thank you. Yeah, yeah. It's always just like,

I'm always like, you're welcome. I want to say that, but I don't. Because I feel like just from watching the internet that could end in me getting shot. It's same, yeah. I was in the car with someone else driving and they were like, cut in and a guy let him in and I noticed he didn't give,

you gotta give one of these in the rear view. So I gave it. I overdo it. Oh, you gave it, yeah. I gave it out the shotgun window. Oh, we're good, thank you. He wouldn't do it. I'm like, we're living in a society. Yeah. No, you're good. Thank you. He wouldn't do it. I'm like we're living in a society. Yeah

right about no you're right about the People people crazy. They'll fucking kill you yeah, yeah, I don't want any static. I don't want any smoke no Yeah, I think I had another I go waiters waiters that hover oh That's a good one. I'd almost want to actually be like where is this waiter as opposed to them watching me eat Standing there and take or taking stuff before you're done Oh, they even a bartender if there's this much left in the drink, I just paid $15 for this That's three dollars worth a drink. Where are you going? Good point good. And we even that ice melts I'm drinking that too. Yeah, I want all of it

Although although I hate when they prompt you because then they make you feel guilty They go all done here and I'm like, uh, and it's left only you know but I'm like I want it you know and I'm like nah I still want to work on it and he walks away and then I feel like shame you know no I'm with you the check while you're still halfway through the meal oh get brushed out yeah it does feel like a woman putting a jacket on you while you're still inside her You know what I mean? You're like, oh, come on. Come on, wrap it up.

Wrap it up. Yeah, no, I'm with you. How about the check pay hover? They're like, here's your check, and you're like, oh, OK. And they're just waiting there. I'm like, well, now I've got to leave $500 as a tip because you're staring at me. When they bring the machine over there.

And the screen comes up, and it's like 10%, 15%, 20%, custom. And they literally stand right there. And know not even that I got a tip more It's like I got to do a little math right now. Can you step away? That's the pressure you make me nervous is like when someone's next to you, and you can't pee you know I'm like I'm dole jumbled up here. I'm trying to give you a good tip Yeah, the the stairway while you're peeing really bothers me. Yeah, I gotta stop doing that When you're in a urinal and someone, there's like 30 open, like you're at a giant stadium

or something, a guy comes in right next to you at the airport or whatever, that's always like, why are you, what are you doing? I know, I know. That's like also when, man, this is open up a can of Peave Rancher. Bring it on, Feve. When a restaurant's wide open,

and there's like two people at a table, they'll sit you right next to those two people. I'm like, why why you you know I mean I get it's easier for you, right? But like that's a bad situation I remember I was at a dinner with a friend of mine once and we were both shit-faced and just telling fucked up stories I remember a guy on a date next to us just turned to us. He goes do you mind? Like oh, we're sorry yeah, and then we just went right back into it We couldn't stop. And he got fucking, we might've cost him sex.

We got him sex with these stuff. That's true, probably got him sex. When I was first seeing my lady, we were trying to think of date ideas, and I said, it's a wonderful life, it's playing at the IFC. It's like classic. Classic, we gotta go.

So we took an edible each. So we're giggling the whole time. And it's a new relationship, so to like have fun shit and do crazy stuff So we're in the back laughing. We're like, oh look how bad their graphics are Oh, man, look at that. What a fucking douche and this guy turns around with tears in his eyes. He goes will you do? I realize this guy probably came here with his dad and watches every year his dad Realized this guy probably came here with his dad and watched this every year his dad He's like trying to enjoy this moment alone, and we're just two idiots on how do you respond to that? Oh, I just went ah

Sorry, we changed seats. Oh wow He's like shut your traps and stop kicking the seats And if you don't I'm gonna take outside and show you what it's like if you don't believe me just try me Cuz I would love it. Yeah, dude. That's a that's you don't realize me, just try me. Try me. Try me. Cause I would love it. Yeah. Dude, that's, you don't realize that when you see a movie, but that's like one of the all time father son movies. Totally.

Or any family movies. And he's an older guy too, so probably saw it in the theater with his dad, who knows? Yeah, that's one of those irresistible. I think that's what, Orson Welles has a quote about that. Like you can't, you want to hate that movie? But you can't you can't hate it. It's a great movie, but when you're on Edibles everything's funny You know the kick into the seat like on airplanes and movies

I can't I can't be that guy the most I do is just start huffing and puffing louder. I'm like yes Same and it's never worked. No, it's never worked, but I think you're weak if that's all you're gonna Do yeah, just hitting them with the passive The most I maybe might get to Yeah, but it's like sometimes. I'll do this one Yes That's you combine the two that's almost I'll be like yeah, and it's it's like it's like a seven degree look back You combine the two, that's almost like, I'll be like, oh, yeah, and it's like a seven degree look back.

It's like the tip, they might catch the tip, tip, tip of your eye right here. The peripheral. Yeah. You could also be looking at something else just in case they're gonna shoot you, you know what I mean? Right, right. You leave the door open in case you get, you know.

All right, now I gotta peeve on your bathroom peeve. Oh, okay. Even if I have wild diarrhea and I'm in a gas station and I'm just shitting all over the walls, I'm still on the clock. You're the guy who does that. Yeah. I always wonder how it gets on the walls, I really do.

I try to get on the walls, that's like a challenge. No, but how about the guy who won't stop jiggling? Like, let's say you're in line and you're behind a guy and he's in front of you about to get into the bathroom and he's like, confused that the door isn't opening and I'm like thinking my head. Let's lock sir Yeah, it's not gonna open and then he he waits 30 seconds. He goes It's locked and what do you want to happen here? But he's he can't wrap his head around the fact that the doors and doing what he wants it to do

Yeah, and he just keeps shaking it that drives me crazy Yeah, he's terrible with women How about Packaging that gets delivered that you can't open like that is so much tape and you rip into anything you can't get in the box Classic yeah, it's so frustrating ironically Ellen DeGeneres had a great bit about this back in 88 or whatever Ironically Ellen DeGeneres had a great bit about this back in 88 or whatever The scissors you can't get into it's like you don't have scissors. You can't get into it That's why you bought scissors, and you can't get into it, but then she goes light bulbs Literally open at both ends like nothing can happen to scissors you drop them. They're fine right light bulb has a thin

You know cardboard pouch that's open at both ends, but it's a fucking light bulb. Right, right. Great point. Yeah. Yeah. She hates packages. Alright. Wait, what do you mean?

Ah, penises. Dicks. Oh, fuck man. Let me get a little... Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! There we go. Alright. I throw one more at you. I don't know if it's a pee. I don't know if it's a pee. But it annoys me. I saw it yesterday and I wrote it down. I don't know what to pee. Yeah, I don't know if it's a place But it annoys me I saw it yesterday and wrote it down the motorcycles with the high handlebar When you're behind the guy too, and you look straight at him

He's a guy that's going 70 on an on the expressway And you kind of could just see his body like you just look he's just like this you're right behind him He's literally in this position. Just going 70 miles Like why would you? It's not comfortable right right and these guys some of these guys go cross-country like this. Yeah, it's true I never thought about that. It's like it's insane that they they drive It's like why would you want you and then if you have to swerve right you're like what do you I mean? Oh, yeah, it's a good point. Well. They annoy me it annoys me. Yeah, I never thought about that, but that is strange And then if you have to swerve, you're like, what are you doing?

It's a good point. They annoy me. It annoys me. Yeah, I never thought about that. But that is strange. Now what about the guy? You know the bikes in the 80s? We've all seen a bike handle.

What's up with the horns? You don't see the horns anymore. The 80s quick silver horns? You know what I'm talking about? No, no, not a peep peep, like a ram horn. You know, they go like that. Pull this up, will ya? On a bicycle?

Yes. The horn, the handlebars, they flip over. You don't mean like the thing you squeeze like... No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about handlebars. They do like a... Oh, you're talking about the... I thought you meant the horn.

You said the horn. Well, they look like rams. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like a horn on a handlebar. You hold them here or you hold them here, right? Yeah, I don't ever got and you don't see him anymore like Kevin Bacon and Quicksilver Yeah, yeah, absolutely. That's why I said Quicksilver. Yeah, those those actually went up They went out and they were in for a while. Well well tour de France though. No, oh Did they do it? They might be the same. I be only people keeping that in there I mean there must be some reason for the whole they are the flip ups

You ever watch that Lance 30 for 30? No, Lance. I was pretty fucking good. Yeah, quick. So is it post accusation? Oh, yeah It's all about him being a bad little boy, but they all were bad. They all did drugs. They were all cheating Yeah, Burr had a great bit about it Just there there they are. What happened to those? Yeah, that's when you mean business bikes. Yes Yeah, what is what you say? I think everything turned into mountain bikes It kind of handles like yeah out here. Is it just more comfortable or what?

I don't know but the the real deal bike guys had the the you delivery guys to Guys that knew what they would do it when you needed when you needed no wind resistance. That was your only option I guess so you look like a moron with a regular handle But not pull up Tour de France because now we have to see it's not like people don't need speed today Yeah, why did that go away that was on every bike in 1984 and both had both had brakes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, actually, yeah Okay, what do you got there? I have the ones you you can kinda rest on. You rest your elbows on now. What is that?

What do you mean? Oh, elbow rest. Yeah, look at that. These guys are getting soft. I can't see. I'm about to get hurt. Sorry, hold on. No, no, it's okay. Hold on, elbow. No, everyone's on a bike and a scooter in the city now. None of them have helmets.

I sound like a fucking... I know, you're right. They're like, they're fucking cruising. They're going so fast on those scooters. Yeah. I never see a helmet. Never. You're asking for a fucking... One mistake, those scooters. Yeah. I never see a helmet. Never. You're asking for a fucking. One mistake.

One pebble. It's not even like you mistake. It's one idiot on their phone crossing the street. Right. And now you're dead. Which is on tap here. Yeah. Right?

It's this idiot. Every corner can happen to you. Yeah. And they got headphones in. So that's noise canceling. They're not even listening to horns or anything. Oh, wait. Wait a second.

I wrote this down. But you're right. I fell off my moped. I got knocked out. What? Literally knocked out. I never told you about that? Yeah. Construction workers pulled me off of a- Off the bike and knocked you out? Yeah. They whistled at me first. But no, I hit a bump, back went up, went down, skidded on my hands, gloves on, open gloves. You could see palm. And I woke up to like eight guys carrying me with construction hats on and everything. And they go, you all right, buddy? And I was like, yeah, I'm good, I'm good. And I was all wonky. No way.

Yeah, it was crazy. And then you gathered yourself and- Gathered myself and got back on the bike and then drove home like 20 Minutes later. I was pretty well, that's scary being knocked out and coming to oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah for sure Did you go for a checkup after that? I knew the answer. Yeah, but it's weird when you see the women on the corner like oh Yeah, okay, you know any embarrassment no because oh, yeah that time Yeah, but when it's so severe if you would have fell and it wouldn't have been that bad

I think embarrassing is that but like if you get knocked out. It's like oh, no one's really looking at you like Right no no none of that. It's all concern. Yeah, I got doored about two months ago I told you about that. I was on a city bike trying to make a spot. I was like I'm gonna make it I have four minutes. I'm two blocks away a city bike trying to make a spot I was like I'm gonna make it I have four minutes I'm two blocks away right door came open hit the door and the door bent back no way I've f***ing fell down and I was on the ground banged up and I realized this is my fault I'm not in a bike lane so I got up and I was like I'm good and the uber guy was like what the f*** man you're killing me you alright

I was like I'm good I rode off he broke his f***. I broke the door bad, and he didn't want you to stay No, cuz he was worried about I think he was might have been an illegal Who knows what he was just like get you get out of here. I'll get out of here. We'll call it square Okay, yeah, I really really bad deal for him. I know yeah, really I said look back. He was like trying to put the door back They don't go back once. It's overextendedended really yeah he's gonna have to make a service call well I've never seen one go back if you have let me know call City Bike it's their fault I wrote down bike lanes because I okay safety you're right but I think bikers the bike people have just they're just too too much of an attitude. Oh, is that the bottle? It's all sugar for the record

No, no Damn True alcoholics all bottles that I got it. I gotta get a taste how much how much does she consume? Like the full bottle are there any shards over there at all The full bottle? Are there any shards over there at all? Yeah, that's sharp. It is sharp. God damn, Winnie.

God, I don't want to hurt dumb like it. Oh, I didn't think about that. You know, chocolate, obviously, poinsettias. That's what I always hear. They can't eat chocolate poinsettias. But I recently heard grapes, which I never knew Oh, yeah, dogs can eat grapes. I didn't know that Onions, I believe as well pull it up. Okay, he's Okay, maybe a little water might help dissolve some of that sugar Oh the syringe everybody's on drugs in this town, it's a real epidemic. What's happening here now water, okay?

That's what you know you're getting old When you need a syringe to drink water Says dogs can't eat grapes grapes toxic toxicity is linked with kidney damage in dogs interesting hmm Yeah, I mean you had a really Keep your eyes on the dog then yeah, I don't think you want that mark. Oh god. No He's got dogs spit all over it mark Here's he's fucking coming to the construction workers you probably raped him

You okay, buddy? Lousy with piss I did have a drill bit my last time I see you told me shout every three days And you were in the same underwear for like a week You know I don't really know a lot of people like you Worrisome little yeah, she looks she looks okay. She's hanging in all right Water that was tough All right Water that was tough Sal did you do your bike lane? Oh, no, I'm just I was just saying bike bike people are a little bit

Calm down. I mean, I know like but they're always like, you know, they yell at you. They there's no like I just yell at you By bike people. There's no there's no before that. It's zero to 100. They're angry at you immediately They're mad. You're on the road, too Yeah, I'm a car. You're a bike. Fuck you. Yeah, but they're also like TSA the reasons you can deliver food You know, that's good. It's fucking the foods of your apartment and fucking ten minutes because of them Oh, but at the same time about a cycle I get it I get that they're probably putting up with that all day long here. So they're asking me nuts, too I mean the fucking the bikes drive me crazy. Oh yeah.

I think about how they just don't fucking care. No. There's old people, you take out an old person. They think, they think that they could just run wild out there. I know and they run through the red lights, they go the wrong way down avenues. And then they yell at you.

I know. Bike! Bike! Bike. On your left yeah Yeah, they're angry. I think they think the world's against them like oh people are opening car doors You're walking in front of me Yeah, so I mean I will say when I'm walking in the street, and I see a car coming

I don't walk I see a bike coming. I'm like I can make it yeah Yeah, they're any of the cyclists are the worst they think they own the road. I'll do a game of chicken with them Guys oh my god. I literally I'm walking to the cell the other night a guy on his bike is doing some shit for tik-tok Probably you know just filming himself cuts me off cuz he's filming himself on his dumb fucking bike Yeah, I so badly want to push him over. Oh Hope he's on Instagram live can't edit it. Yeah live stream. He takes a tumble. That's a fucking idiot get ironically he gets more views Those guys are wild. That's great. I love watching me. Yes. I love a Bicycle or a my favorite fail video is when someone

First gets on a motorcycle and turn and revs it and they did they don't know motorcycles And the thing just shoot and they just like it's almost like Peewee Herman Yeah, where he's like he just goes right through the thing just shoots, and it's almost like Pee Wee Herman, where he just goes right through the thing. Those are my favorite types, they're always funny. Always. It's always, they just take off and not expecting it, and the thing comes out from under them,

it's an immediate wobble, and an immediate impact on something. I love it. I could watch those for hours. Oh yeah, yeah, well it's not fun when they crash on the highway, but they take off. No, no, not that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.'s not fun when they crash on the highway. No, no, not that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like someone going through the fence of the yard or something like that. It's also fun to think about, you know, you see the guy do the stand up surfboard thing or whatever, the wheelie. They have to learn that. At some point they're in a parking lot alone on a Saturday morning doing that shit

and falling over and then doing it again and again. So I respect the skater culture and shit. It is like, it is kinda cool. You're seeing a fully formed outdoor. But that's like in a park. You're like, come on. Right, exactly. But that's like in a park, you know?

But even then, you're kinda like, man. They don't have great spatial awareness sometimes. That's true, that's true. And the boards go flying. Every person I've ever met that's skated has like nine major injuries like sutures and Pins and stuff like that's like nah when I was a kid. I was doing a trick board when I was you You do skateboard right? Oh for years? Yeah, and the car drove by and it hit the board a certain way and the board went

Like a ninja star 20 feet in the air and came down on another car And it was a ladies car, and she got out and she yelled at me like the Dickens. Wow. That's it? Oh yeah, I mean, I had no money, what could I do? But she was like, this is the problem with the bad, and I was like, ah, and all my friends are laughing at me. Good times. But it wasn't even your fault.

Well, I mean, I put the board in the street. So it's the beginning of a porno though. Oh, I wish. How are you going to pay for this? Yeah, I'll eat you out later. What would he got here? This is a cop confiscating a bike from a renegade motorcyclist, and he's taking the bike away from the kid.

He's fucked. Even better. The setup's even better. He's fucked. All right, for real. Oh, he went down face first. But a hit another car. That's public proper right now. He has he's playing it cool right now He is in He's in a the depths of shame and pain yes, yes

That burns your fucking hand there's a whole series of videos like that called instant karma Yeah, yeah He's like his gun didn't go off while he hit the ground like that That would be the most pathetic death ever Just falls over his head and blows off I do respect him for going for it But the worst pain to shame ratio is walking into that glass sliding door Your face is burning, your nose is on fire, you're in so much pain, but you gotta go,

oh, what are you, whoopsie daisy, but you're fucking dying inside. The worst one I ever did, I was on tour, I think it was in Minnesota, and I was coming out of the hotel. I did one going in and coming out. I was walking into the hotel, my packages with me and I mean I mean as Flush and as unexpected as it could possibly like where I didn't even know what hit me I get you know when someone sucker punches you yes

And I just got jolted and it hurt and I just was like it took me like two three And I was like oh my god, and then I it was right before the lobby So when I walked in I was like, please but it was so loud Please and then as soon as I walked in there was a group of like seven eight people family girls guys and everything They just lost. Yeah, it's I didn't look at them. I just like kept my head down and kept looking forward But they I mean they were doing that. Yeah Oh my god, this is a little better. I'm carrying bags yeah it's actually almost impressive what the body can withstand when you're embarrassed because you're in so much

pain you're embarrassed too so you're trying to like play it off with the bags and everything but you're dying inside you have a compound fracture just fucking limping away yeah I think it's kind of like those like in war you know you're terrified to go in but you got all your You know team with you and you just have to go into this battle and you know You're probably gonna die immediately, but you're like, I can't run away. Oh, yeah, they were all on their own a bunch of them bail exactly That's gotta be horrifying. Ah, I think about that four times a day. Yeah, just walking in like D-Day. I

Think that's why men like war movies, because it's like, that could have been me. Yeah, oof, geez. You had to go. Bullets flying. You know those U-boats, before that hatch flops down, they're just like, all right, here we go, and then it's like, choo-choo-choo-choo.

It's immediate. Immediate! The guys in the front, they can't think they have a shot. I know, but I think they do. It's like, I'm in the front It's like there's 60 guys behind me right there's there. There's 800 people aiming at me right now I know like what am I gonna do it? I'm gonna deek. I'm gonna do it You know what am I gonna do even make it to the same by the way this?

I know we wouldn't be good and what do I deek? What do I do? I'm saying this could have enough if it was a three we're fucking losing oh yeah on three juke It's like the first 30 guys a done they until that until that needs to be a reload Yeah, yeah, you know and then the guy in the backs alone at the end of that. He's got no behind him Yeah, no one situation those you boats no win watch those old Doc's like those Napoleon Wars It's like like six hundred thousand people dying in a war and you're just like how the fuck I know And you just have to go you have to go we have to go what about the Braveheart fights not not even the you Oh, it's just like this two thousand people running at each other at the same exact with swords and bow and arrows and horses

It's bananas what what I know and people just. At that point, what are you fighting for? You're walking into certain death. Pride, yeah. And also, there's no formation. It's just like, anyone from any angle. But here's the craziest part. Some people did that and survived and did multiple. They'd show some fucking guy with a curvy sword

and a mullet and they were like, he's been to 18 wars and he was in the lead and he got his head cut off and he put it back on. Here he is to talk about it. All his friends are dead though. Yeah, true. But that happened. Imagine being in a field,

let's call it 2,000 people in a field, every single person is in a sword fight. Yeah. Every person. So you look left, you look right, you're watching your friends get sliced, stabbed. Everywhere you look, and it's not gonna end until there's

like a guy left. I know! It's like, you could be faring well for a half hour and there's still three hours left. It's like, Dancers with Wolves. There's still another three hours in there that you have to avoid getting stabbed in the back. And even if you're getting the best of 12, like, hey, I beat that guy, beat that guy, oh, I got stabbed, that guy was behind me, I had no idea.

And then you don't get the credit for the 12 kills! You get nothing, but they all think you're a geek anymore. They all believed in heaven. They all thought in heaven I'll get my due. It's an old situation. Just dead on the dirt. Oh my god, then the one guy who stood in the corner didn't say anything. Yeah, he didn't throw a sword and didn't do anything and then he comes back as a hero because he survived. Yeah The guy who killed 50 people before he died, nobody knows about him. He played it smart. Yeah.

What about the guy in D-Day who just laid under dead bodies for like three days and just didn't move? He's a genius. That's the move. Genius. That is the move. I just realized that the guy who's shooting all these American GIs, he's a war hero. Just for the wrong side.

This guy. This guy. Oh, right. He's a war hero. German? The guy that took out the U-boat has a bronze statue of him. Of course, yeah, he's the king. It's insane, you're right. You want to be a sniper. If I'm going to war, I'm being a sniper all day. I'm up in a perch. You know, you can't lose unless they throw a grenade at you.

It's like right field. They're less of a person you, I like you're just anything. Yes hand to hand is you're just like looking in their eyes Yeah, snipers. Yeah, it's like a roach You just do that and that's a number or with the bayonets You can get badly injured and still have to fight through that you could be like, all right It's it's due time now and I still have to kill as many people as I can while blood is shooting out of me You know, I mean, it's like yeah to play dead it might work in with people But I got it. I don't think it's gonna work with a bear a bear. Yeah, they say play dead

I it's a risk for sure I mean, I mean I know you're not gonna run but I don't think the alternative of laying there and letting them walk up to you and Start sniffing around and then have their way with you either is that great? Yeah. You know what I mean? I think you, I mean, is it going to catch you if you run? Yeah.

Could you do what I did when my mom was chasing me with the belt? I would go around the kitchen table and once I was on the opposite side of her it was really tough for her to get me. I knew you'd find a big oak, right? And then maybe you try but like lay in there when that thing comes and sniffs at you, like I was in front of Grizzlies because they put me in a cage Yeah, and they they put fried chicken all over me and made grizzlies come eat it what yeah So the cage was like we might have even talked. I don't know if we talked about we might have I don't think I think

We have but like but the cage was only like this much away And it's just an insane thing to see them there and then they at one time they had fisticuffs. And from the depths of their fucking bowels, they growled and were swiping their hands at each other. And when those things swing, and then they take it. Oh my God. It just immediately makes you just empty your bowels.

Yeah, of course. I'd still rather come across a bear in the woods than a man. Yeah. Oh my God. It doesn't look as bad as it felt Pretty big My god It was right there. Oh my god. We're gonna need you to stick some chicken in the cage. Yep. Oh, Sal. Oh my god. I feel like jokers is kind of safe jackass.

You can't be shally, smell fear. We've never seen that safe. There's like, there's only like 20% of things like this where it would be a jackass thing But we make it through our like, cause I don't really, we don't can't do, don't Want to you know yeah, but yeah, but no they would be there with the bear right? Yeah Yeah, they taste at one point they start they start fighting and oh my god their breath is a new smell Really imagine smelling a new smell wow it was a new smell. I was like oh my god. Is it awful It's like a bear intestine. Oh, you know like whatever the hell it is and they and when they breathe. It's like I mean a Dyson at full blast It's really kind of a wind tunnel coming

Wow out of there They got they took the Bears away, and then they Nobody had to get them away They weren't neighbor bears in nature. We were at like a like a bear like tiger hangout. Yeah, yeah gay bar. Yeah That's great. These are good friends here. That's fun. Yeah, Jesus Christ, but yeah, I'm not laying down with a bear I don't think you guys ever got into a big fight before you cuz I feel like if you have this outlet to fuck with Each other you don't really need to fight about stuff. I mean, not in a long time, but over the years, yeah. Okay.

Every once in a while. I don't think it's four opposing views or anything. Right, right. But two of us might have a fight, or you know, like that. So, I think everyone's probably had a fight with everybody. Oh yeah, well, if you're around each other that much. It doesn't last long. Sure.

Over like, I mean, I've known them 35 years But with the show now is 13 years We actually just signed we didn't announce yet, but we just signed for 11 and 12 whoa You're old The ride 11 11 starts July 11th. I've been filming it for the last like five months. Oh Molly yeah, so you guys gonna be doing this in old age. Yeah, I All right I said I should say I am look at me. I got crazed. I got this. Oh, yeah. What's that?

How many more years of this you think you got in you? I think that's it for me I think I mean, we always said if we were having fun, we would keep it up But um, it's just it's so it takes up so much of my life. Sure, because we you know, like we do everything from soup to nuts. Yeah. I mean, so it's like it consumes you. So when I'm gonna you know, I redo we reduced from 26, we did 26 episodes a season plus five specials. So 31 episodes a season for eight seasons. Oh, and then we literally negotiated to do only 18 instead. Oh, that's hilarious. And then I literally negotiated to do only 18 instead oh wow that's hilarious and then I am negotiated mandatory six months down

after because we used to go a month two months off that's it and right back in wow I'd be doing it ten months a year yeah so this one will be will be done shooting it in August then I get six months down and then we'll shoot the other one for about six seven months and I I think that's gonna be unless they make me an offer that is hard to turn down, but they're not going to, because this season, the TV industry is wiped. This season they cut our budget, they cut our pay, all that stuff. Oh, shit.

Yeah, so it was like, it was like either that or nothing. And it was like, it was a hard choice, but we did it. But we've been having a blast. Yeah, yeah. But yeah. I always say your deathbed is going to be the best montage. You know, like look what you've done. Look how many times you've lived you're a bear cage you're talking to Tony Hawk You're on a boat Jeep with Steve Austin

I mean you got the best montage most of this most a lot of stuff I see and I I I forgot I in that crazy cuz it's that concentrated. Yeah, it's 300 episodes Maybe you're talking like 1300 bit you know what it whatever is and it's like the beginning of our live show We saw a montage clip and they when they cut that together we every night. I look at the montage clip because it's like 200 things in like a minute, and I'm just like I can't believe that was you yeah Just like jumping off clip. It's just all this stuff And it's just like I can't and you forget that like it goes so fast time I know then you look at you like wow we scrammed all that in a lot. Yeah, you've done. You've been everywhere

I would I've a impractical Joker's reference in my set right now. Well, I say Say hit looks kind of carrying the history channel is like they're impractical jokers Hit it does yeah the History Channel is like they're impractical jokers. That's great. Does it hit? It hits. It does? Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. You guys are great. You guys just own. You saved a network, your show.

I mean, that's pretty huge. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, they weren't doing comedy and then they switched up to comedy. But yeah, I mean, you said it. I didn't say it. Well, I've told this story a million times and you're going to kick me in the balls if I tell it a third. But I'll tell it one more time and then I'll leave it alone.

I did the Cargo Cafe, What's His Face had a show there every Tuesday, and I was getting so little stage time, I would take the boat to Staten Island, do the Cargo Cafe, it always had a crowd, and you were the bartender at this random bar in the middle of Staten Island. That's where we met, I think, right? Yeah. And you were wiping the bar out of a movie, and I was shit-faced, because it was free beer for comics, so I was putting them back.

And dinner. And dinner. I was poor, and you go, hey, that was a good set. I go, hey, thanks, man, thanks. Can I get another beer? Yeah, sure. Hey, you know, I'm working on a little thing

with a couple guys. I go, oh, what are you working on? You're like, well, it's a it's like We have an improv troupe, but we're gonna do sketches and I was like good luck Yeah, that's that's not going anywhere keep the beer coming whatever and then here we are yeah, man Yeah, that's how I met every comic. Yeah, we started doing that in 2008 I think so every comic that we know came through the bar. Totally.

Ali Wong there, Killing, John Hess would come by. It was, it was. I mean, we literally had, we had Soder and Che, and we had Kamel. I mean, everybody was there. We had Hannibal, we had every single person come through. All of our friends, you know, like, it was great.

It was like, you know, and that's why actually when the show did get on and everybody knew me, I like it was so cool that a lot of the comics, it was like they liked they would comics would come to me. I really liked the show. It was such support from the comics. You know, so that was like, that was really, really great. And so yeah, but it was, it was, I loved that night. That's a great night because a lot of people would come and make it the night. Yes, so had to so we would hang out all night You know like we'd hang out all night till the late hours. I was like I was hanging it was like a cellar hang Yeah, you know Every week yeah, but

The sad thing is I would go back and have to go to work at like 9 in the morning the next day But I never remembered going back I'm talking a ride to the ferry, the ferry ride, and then getting home from the ferry to Brooklyn. I don't remember any of it every time. That ferry ride back was always a fucking blur. When there was a bar on the ferry too. Yeah, you get beer on the ferry, yeah.

I used to drive comics if I could. People that stayed till the end and I locked up and closed the gates, I would drive them to the ferry. But we appreciate you guys making the trek out there you know so because you're like one of the big Staten Island like if people think it's Staten Island it's like you and Pete and and Jost and Jost yeah I mean the jokers and yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's great it's kind of wild. Yeah. Sorry. Are you part bear?

Is that a bear in... Is that what you're getting there? Yeah, it is the weirdest thing in the world to be a representative of it. Oh yeah, great. I think Andrew Dice Clay might be Staten Island. Not that I know. He's Long Island. He might have been born in Brooklyn, raised in Staten Island.

Give it a goog. Are you guys working on any bits? Uh-oh. I got one that I just got to I just cracked it. Oh This I might have run it on here. I'll tell the cracked version of it's finally kind of working, but I say You know It's the one about why I went to the pharmacist and the guy had a face tattoo And I was like I'm gonna be a dick, but how the fuck did you get hired? Yes You know like I'm gonna count my pills when I get home, I don't mean to be a dick, but how the fuck did you get hired? You know, like I'm gonna count my pills when I get home,

I don't trust this shit. There's a certain way you want people to look, like if you're at the gun range, you don't want the safety expert to be a teen with a bowl cut. You know, that hit, and I was like, it needs more. So I went back to the drawing board and I was kinda like, it's like when you found out

Cuomo had pierced nipples. I think everyone was like, no, you're too important to have a, you're too important to had pierced nipples. Oh! I think I'm almost like, no, you're too important to have a, that's great. You're too important to have pierced nipples. That's too important a job. And I'm like, you know, ladies, if your gynecologist had a ponytail, that's what. That's good, good.

You know, like, is he a good doctor? Yes, he does say nice while he's down there. But. That's great. Yeah, I think I got that one going now. Well, the Cuomo piece of the puzzle is huge. That is big, yeah. That's great. Yeah, I think I got that one going now. Well, the Cuomo piece of the puzzle is huge. That is big, yeah. New jokes last night.

That's great, that's great. Some of those people in new jokes, not doing new jokes. I know, they go in there and just kill. They're messing up the curve. It's like, what? I have one I just revived because I'm doing the new hour, so I look back on things that I thought were half-baked, that I didn't just let go, and I'm doing the new hour So like I look back on things that I thought were half-baked that I didn't you know

Just let go and I always thought there was more to this I'm just not really sure where I want to go with about the death penalty. Mm-hmm. So I say uh, I Have thoughts about the death penalty Coming from me also that they don't expect me to say, you know, I don't like it's they're not even controversial It's not like do we have the right to take a life? It's more about the last meal So I say like we would agree that on paper. This is a murder. Why are we catering it? Oh? Catering is great. It's like and then and then the caveat that we get that anything they want Yeah, why is it that caveat like what it makes us seem like we're the guilty ones

Like we're about to put you down in front of these people for what you did. But we're great guys. If you wanna bite to nosh, anything you want. And I was like, when I was little, I'm like, anything they want. I was like, when I was little, my mom used to be like, you're gonna act like that at the dinner table. You're gonna act like that, go upstairs.

And I was like, and I didn't get dinner for light horse play. Right. This guy mows down a half a dozen out of Santander Bank. We owe him pumpkin ravioli. Pumpkin ravioli is perfect. But that's all it is. It's also funny too that your last line in life could be like, I said fries well. Oh yeah.

Like you're mad at them. Oh right. Their last words could be the order. Yeah that's good. It's also funny too that is there anything more American than like, I'm about to die. All right, we feel bad. We'll give you fried chicken. Yeah. You know, we have to be, our way of being like, sorry, this is going to happen to you

is food. Right. We're so fat. That's how important food is to Americans. That's what I'm saying. You could do the worst thing possible. You still get one for the road. Exactly. Now I feel guilty taking that. That's great.

No, you still use them. You guys still do like writing sessions together? We do it on here. Oh, you do it on here. You gotta feel guilty taking that. It's great. You guys still do writing sessions together? We do it on here. Oh, you do it on here? We gotta do it more often. Yeah, especially now. Yeah, because we were gonna get together a couple times. I never got to do it, but I would love to.

If you guys do one offline or whatever. That was the original concept of the show and then turn it into a drinking show. Originally it was just, let's bounce and bit. Yeah. It's so great. I don't do it with anybody. Say for coming for like coming off stage and someone like I got a tag I I never sit with anybody and it's it's it's so helpful. So help It just gets you everything gets opened up and yes, you get a lot from it. Like that's great

I mean, I was like, that's a joke that I was like, I just got to be more and right there It's like, you know, even when I'm texting you the joke sometimes I'll think of things as like it's coming out in type You know, yeah, you're like fuck. I wouldn't speak. Why like it's coming out in type, you know. But when you say it, you're like, fuck, I wouldn't speak, why'd I write it this way? I don't speak that way. Yes, yes. I want you to just have to say it to your friends, like no, this is how I talk.

Right. Right, right, right. Like when you're a young comic and your stuff is too written because that was a problem for me at least because I would just, you know, I'd write more than I'd get on stage at that point. Right. I think every young comic does, you know, but we gotta talk. How's this for a, maybe you could help me with this one.

It needs like an ending. So I was harking back to one of the first girls I ever hooked up with. The second girl I ever hooked up with, I was actually more experienced than her, and she goes, I've never done this before, I want you to teach me everything. And I was like, all right, first things first,

women never orgasm. Secondly, two minutes is normal. And then third, if I cry, don't tell anybody. Or something like that, I need a third. I feel like to really turn it, twist it. Third, if I wet the bed afterwards, that just means you were really good. Oh yeah, yeah, true, I was a bed wetter.

Yeah. So the first two, it's- Those are hitting. They don't orgasm. Women never orgasm, two minutes is normal a bedwetter. Yeah. So the first two, it's- Those are hitting. They don't orgasm. Women never orgasm, two minutes is normal. Or it could be anything, I'm just throwing out embarrassing things, because I think it's already kind of a creepy moment,

so I'm making me the loser. Anything other than missionaries against God, something like that. Something about missionary. I would want to do other things. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. So, yeah. Right, right, sure, sure, sure, sure. You know, I thought like I try to and we never talk again but I think women got weird like oh you're not gonna call her, you know. So. Yeah, it's such a delicate balance with those. Right,

right. I mean. I know I'm putting you on the spot here but yeah it's uh it's hitting already. Something about anal. Oh. And you know the vaginal, the S are interchangeable. Something something. Yeah if you're working pregnant. Yeah. Let's go in the back door. Something yeah something something there. Yeah anal's interesting. Maybe I want to strap on. Oh maybe that's a twist. and you know anal is on the table for me put it in my ass. Anal is perfectly normal for the first time you know for yeah for me that's funny yeah that's a twist that's a twist that might be too much to explain all right yeah but the first two are about your

inadequacies right yes you want the third one to be on top of that? Well, the third one should just be some bigger, more extreme heightened laugh, I think. Rule of three is here. Which hits harder, the first or the second? The orgasm kills. It hurts, it hurts. Teach me everything, and I go, all right, first things first, you should know women never orgasm.

Maybe that should be the third. Ah. Maybe you do, what was the second one? Two minutes is normal. That does pretty well, right? Yeah, that's a nice little placeholder. And then maybe you do one more and I think the third and women never work. I think that's the third.

Maybe, maybe, interesting. I'm kind of digging this anal switcheroo. Give the anal one a try. Yeah, that could be a tag. You could say something like maybe condoms. Yeah, I was gonna say I say Something like and we'll do anal, but I insist on a condom. You know something like that Yeah, all right, all right, I'll play this this is helpful orgasm third. I'll try tonight Okay, whatever goes up your ass has to go up mine

Even Steven's yeah even Steven's Seems like well I have a gerbil What do you think about the gerbil is that real what's with gear I don't see how it- No, I don't think- Oh, I thought you just meant in general. No, with the richer gear- I'm sure someone's tried it, but like, god, it's fucking- I love that he's already typing

on this. Well- How does that get out? It's Scientology. If he did do it. I think he crawls out. No. He was a member of Scientology, got out, and then this-

Oh, they smeared him, they pap smeared him. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh, he got out. That's horrifying. He's like, fuck the Tim Robbins gif in Sharshank. Ha ha ha ha ha. He was Scientology. Yeah.

Yeah, he lived to tell the tale. Richard Gere was? He told me that. The gerbil in the deal. Just now down front of you. Oh, I missed it Yeah, so that's so funny though that the congregation got together at a board meeting is like what are we doing? He's like gerbil in the ass Get him how can we get him one guy's like okay him? One guy's like, well, say he's gay. Not enough. Too easy. Well, we say, uh, fuck kids. Eh, been done.

So cliche. He put a PVC piping into his asshole and then put a rodent into it. I think there's something here. Let's follow this. Maybe there was a gerbil cage in the room and one guy was like, that's it? And he tells it with pride to this day he's like let me tell you about my lightbulb moment this is when I became CEO

of Scientology this is when I got my extra star on my lapel I got a corner office and you know yeah we're going to be coming up you got a big tour coming up absolutely yes so the tour is on sale right now it's called everything's fine tour right now. There's 28 cities up. It's the first leg of the tour. I'm going everywhere I don't know if it's if it's futile to a

Feudal or futile futile. I know it's futile to start naming all the cities, but you know Lando Atlanta Alright, so actually no, so the last leg of the Joker's Tour is now through August. We're gonna be in Orlando, Atlanta, Mobile, Alabama, Pennsylvania, Maine, and Maryland, all that shit. July 13th, two at Atlantic City. And you got some 4PMers I see, and some 6PMers. That's the beauty of being clean. Yeah, the Sundays, because I get to get home on that red eye. Right, oh smart. I didn't like them at first, they gave them to me, because I get to get home on that red eye. Oh, smart.

I didn't like them. At first, they gave me, and I was like, what is this? And then I was like, oh, there's an 830 flight? I was like, more from everything. Genius. I'm going to start doing that. Genius. But yeah, so my tour right now has

to be full hour of new material. And yeah, so it's up right now. And then the Terr know is on YouTube check I got a hundred pound gorillas channel boy. That's a get for them You know my my no-press network has the subscribers, but it's it's algorithms to podcasting There's a big discussion about like you know and Farting yes, it's a two-part Alright, if you don't care for the conversation just sorry. I couldn't hold it

Yeah, the algorithm is stand-up based and a good partner. So yeah, so it's out there right now All right, come see this new hour. I'm not wait. What when when is this? Oh Well, sorry then we were in we're in Mobile, Alabama tonight. That's a cool Sanger, what's up? That's a cool theater in Mobile Mobile is like a mini New Orleans. Yeah, have you ever been? It's yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah, so it's a fun little street. I don't think I've been oh, yeah There's not much to it, but that street that the theaters on is like the strip. Yeah. Yeah, so you'll have fun Yeah, well, I hope to see everybody out there oh yeah so I got a Rochester New York comedy the Carlson that's a fun club we got a some fucking casino with Chrissy D and nemesh we're doing it

together be fun they still got the mechanical bull at the Carlson they won in Rochester I don't know I haven't been there at the bar next door whatever like those conjoined oh no that no, that's so that's over Okay, yeah, I know that place and I got just a bunch of dates coming to Miami improv Another casino there in Minneapolis it appears Baltimore area Then I'm going all over another casino there. I don't know where that is Niagara Falls, oh, Niagara Ontario other side love it, and then we got yeah all over Europe coming up London Belfast Dublin

Paris Amsterdam Copenhagen Oslo in Stockholm Samorail Dot-com slash shows or punch up dot live slash Samorail follow us both on punch up. Yes punch up is big punch up dot live Mark Normand and what you got mark. Hey, hey, we're gonna be in, well this is missing some dates. I got a, Danny's got an update. Oh wait, there they go. Oh there we go, nevermind Danny, you're killin' it.

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you. We're coming for you. We're coming for those bars, those liquor stores. Hit us up, we'll have an email shortly. What was it again? Oh, we had an email. We're urban outfitters? No. No, it's a bullshit.

We're behind. We'll figure it out, we're bad businessmen. Yes. But it's good whiskey and we got other, we might have some other Sherry port slash whiskey's coming. Stay tuned. And the Comedy Store texts me, they want in. I love it.

Hopefully the improv and the laugh factory you guys would like in too in LA. I feel bad I didn't say dates now, can I say a few dates real quick? Yeah. Do you mind? Okay, here we go, ready? Greensville, South Carolina, Charlotte, North Carolina,

Knoxville, Torrington, Connecticut, Burlington, Portland, Red Bank, Huntington, San Antonio, Phoenix, Tucson, Indianapolis, Evansville, St. Louis, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Des Moines, Jacksonville, Tampa, Detroit, PITTSBEEEAAAACK! Baltimore, Denver, Seattle, Spokane, Fort Wayne, Columbus, and Cleveland. Ah, my eye. Alright, thank you folks, we'll see you in hell. Haha.

Sunday's the day for my next offender. I've been a Peaver-ec, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans

This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true