We Might Be Drunk - Ep 187: Matteo Lane & Raanan Hershberg ft Freedom

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

Our founding gay fathers are here today to celebrate freedom and the Fourth of July. The party is crashed by King George doing cosplay as Raanan Hershberg. This episode is a lot of fun with musical reviews and a lot of laughs, and it's Matteo Lane's birthday! Join Matteo Lane, Raanan Hershberg and of course Mark Normand and Sam Morril for episode 187. Don't forget that Sam's new special "You've Changed" is on Amazon Prime on Tuesday July 9th!  Matteo Lane: https://matteolanecomedy.com/ Raanan Hershberg: https://www.raananhershberg.com/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com/ Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Bodega Cat: http://www.bodegacatspirits.com We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/ If you want to start a podcast contact [e-mail] for a discount on services when referred by WMBD! Support the show and get 10% off the VacuGlide or the AutoBlow Ultra. Head to https://www.autoblow.com and use code WMBD Get a free gift with your Journey Pack. Use code DRUNK at https://www.tryfum.com/DRUNK Support the show and get $5 off your Mando Starter Pack. Head to https://www.shopmando.com and use code DRUNK

Here we go folks, happy 4th of July, America's birthday! Sorry Native Americans. We fucked up! Yeah, not even two seconds. Oh sorry, how the hell are you there? We got Mateo Lane here everybody. Hola everyone, happy 4th of July. This is a skinny bottle. Oh yeah. This

is a little Riesling we're rocking with. You said to bring wine I just pulled whatever was cold in the fridge. Bring it on. Hey, grassy. Cheers. Cheers. To the colonizers. I can't cheers with Diet Coke. It's bad luck. I don't believe in that shit but sure. Oh that is sweet as pie. You know what? I I just realized this dessert wine. God damn. It's very sweet But it's damn good Whoa, oh, yeah, sweet. Oh my god. It's like Welch's grape juice. Oh man you swallow I'm gonna spit I think what is it is there wine? I don't understand like you're like wine replacing dessert

No, you have it with dessert supposed to enhance the dessert. It's too sweet. I agree too much too much Would you loved it a second ago? I had another one and I hated it. All right, let's uh, I mean, it's good But it's like drinking a snickers. You're getting more wine glasses. We'll get them to do we more wine glasses Sorry, we vetoeded this it's too sweet This is a dessert one. I fucked up a pedophile should use this and clean up This is the court a little a little fancy kid Yeah, a little Lord Fauntleroy there Oh Fondleroy Little pants off quick all right. Hey, how about that Kevin spacey? Yeah?

I know what's going on with Kevin spacey didn't you do some interview or something he cried on Pierce We've been talking about that lately first all Pierce Morgan's out of his mind, but he cried what did he cry about? He's like I don't have any money in my house big for clothes He had a nice place in Baltimore like right on the water I know how many of his house is all of them or just that was his main house That was like where he lived because I think since house of cards so he spent all of his money Hit in four years supposedly what on what but he's also a great actor So then you don't know if he's acting with a speech

And who lives in Baltimore you got all the money in the world you moved to Bob Rose. Yeah, he's from there He's he looks ball. He was filming house of cards in and I think DC I think you would want to be nearby got it got it We might need a corkscrew here as well I think if you're losing a house in Baltimore is really bad, but also Kevin like what did you want? Yeah, if you lose a house in Baltimore, where do you move? Yeah, yeah, that's right. I Guess so But yeah, he's right. I Guess so

But yeah, he got off he'll he'll be back in movies I think yeah no one is more infuriating to watch them Pierce Morgan giving an interview because he just it's just like he Overtaught he talked over everybody and then you're like why are you even having guests on your show? He steamrolls and then he interrupts and that's most podcasts. That's true. That's most people. You're just like did I have to come in I know The Christopher Hitchens went on Fox once and they kept talking over him He was like, well, why don't you remind me to come back on your show so you can do all the talking? It's true. It's like you got 24 hours news access. He's on for two minutes and you're talking over him

It's like yeah is that was also way smarter than any of those? Jerry Falwell, he said when Jerry Falwell died for two minutes and you're talking over him. It's like, what is this? He was also way smarter than any of those guys on those shows. Jerry Falwell, he said, when Jerry Falwell died, he was going on about how much he didn't like him and they were like, but he's a Christian man and blah, blah, blah. And then Christopher goes, look, I'll put it this way. If he was given an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox.

Woo! So good. He was fucking, he was quick and he was, and of course hated him, but he he go on those There was a few you'd see them back down which was kind of fun Yeah, you see a host be like let me go around that and they'd go at other people like Hannity guys like that are such Bullies, but Bill O'Reilly guys like that that would get him and they'd and they'd be like I'm gonna tread carefully You have to it's like arguing with somebody who knows everything exactly and he was so charming and drunk

You know he was black label. He was a Johnny Walker black. Oh really They say someone asked him. What's your favorite thing in the world and he goes crowing at the misfortune of others Oh, like oh my god. What a vicious man right sent he's so British I love him and Fran Lebowitz, and I don't think they liked each other and but they're the exact same thing too similar They clash yeah, I think we know people like that though. We're like you two should like each other, but they don't many there's people like that Totally hey hopefully this is better. I'm sorry for the first round. I can already tell it's gonna be better Well that's nice that's smooth that's very nice get I get a whirl of their Laney hmm oh Okay, who fell? That's very nice. Get a whirl of that there, Laney. Go! Okay.

Who fell? I don't know. Oh, it broke too. Oh, jeez. This is Natty. Might've been Bill Hicks. Little Natty Wine. Oh yeah, it feels very,

I always know Natty Wine's from Aziz when I was on the road to Aziz. Oh, yes. He turned me on to it. Yeah, he was like. I wouldn't have known. I'm like, I didn't do Natty Wine! Natty!

Ha ha ha. Yeah. I forgot that we were touring for a long time with each other on that bus. Do you know what's funny? You guys did a bus with Aziz? Yeah. Wow. And Matteo and I opened for Aziz at the Chicago Theater

and then two years later, did guest spots on each other's shows back to back nights at the Chicago Theater. By the way, the experience of that was so funny because when I do shows on the road, I get there at five, I do the sound check, I lay everything out, I do the lights and the snap, blah blah blah, I want to relax, I put on music. And then so when Sam came, I said after the show, I go, Sam, I'll see you tomorrow, I'll see you at five o'clock.

He goes, no, seven thirty. I'm like, the show starts at seven thirty. Yeah, I don't know. It just shows up. And at one point, it's the Chicago Theater. Sam's first time doing it, sells it out. I said, do you want to take a picture? He's like, yeah, should I take a picture?

I'm like, yes, Sam. I don't do that. You should, it's a great moment to remember. You guys do it on stage. I feel weird, Matt. I do too. I don't know. I do it because you know what, I want to remember.

Because sometimes you do, it sounds so crazy, but when you're touring, touring, you forget. But I was just in Columbus doing a theater, and I was backstage, I was looking around, and I was like, oh, I opened for Aziz here. And then I remember in the green room, you and I were having a conversation, who would you rather live on an island with?

Oh, hey! There she is. Oh my God, the king! It's King Joffrey. Oh man. You already had the joke for that. He man. Look at that. It's the Burger King everybody. Good to have you there. Oh this is adorable. July 4th extravaganza. You know America, known for our royalty. It's very fitting. The crown actually looks good. This looks like good for you. Yeah I think maybe. Maybe all you think I should keep it. I think this should be your new look we're I for the straight guy

We're gonna make a joke and and Ron is gonna go But yeah those the that Chicago theater, that's a great venue I'm there in the winter. It's great I love it and Chicago's a great city great city and Aziz had a he had a fine taste I he like nice meals, and oh, that's the best part about opening for Aziz exactly you get to these big rooms And then you go all these like really nice restaurants. Yeah, yeah, and everyone gained like seven pounds Yeah, I remember coming back and being like I feel like shit This is it's like it's like the way Burt is with booze as ease was with fine food. I'd rather the fine food and I can't imagine being in the middle of Bert Kreischer's tour. I would be like well You have to part with them right? Yeah

I'd be like am I at Bear Pride So if you don't drink you can't open for him no soda was on the tour So it was doing other drugs Long as you're doing something bad you gotta get some vice in there. I'm so boring on tour I just like I show my opener you do light sound have a meal like a chicken Trainer on the tour who did Bert well He looks like 10,000 seats. I mean it's like he can afford a personal. I'm saying there's ways to be healthy on the oh I see I see I see actually upset

And he's like sometimes I'm like oh this guy's fatter than me to feel good about it And they get thinner right really fucks up your whole you know I know Yeah, he went to the other side. He's really I've been called a fat for a crusher lately I know. Yeah, he looks good right now. He went to the other side. He does. Well, he had to. I've been called a fat Bert Kreischer lately. Oh. No, Bert's successful. No, but you had a great point though recently to me. He got really mad around on it. He said-

Oh, don't name names. Well, people who do Ozempic, he's like, well, this is like a guy who's fatter than me and he just did a drug and now he's thinner than me Yeah, he's thinner than me because he was fatter than me. That's the reason he's now fitter than me good point That's the reason Bobby Kelly is now fitter You said don't name names The king is getting to my head No, he got the old-school thing me the staple tapeworm

He got a Stomach stapling whatever Bobby did what he's talking with Bobby. Oh, I said Obama did Obama is on his end pick yeah, Bobby isurt, I thought he was like on a health... Oh, Burt, I don't know about Burt. I assume he just was training. I think he did Ozempic for a hot minute, but now he's training and he's... He had a health scare, I think, so he had to really shut down. Well, that's the thing, you can't trust... This week.

Now that people lose weight, you can't trust them anymore. You don't know if they're secretly on Ozempic or not. It ruins and then they'll say they're not, but you're like, I don't know. You know what I mean? So it makes everything kind of suspicious. Just about every lady I know is on it. Really? Oh yeah.

Really? I know two women. Your wife and your mom are on Ozempic? They're non-comedians. Every non-comedian lady I know is on it. Yeah, because the comedians are open about it. That's true. Who are on it. They're totally open about it. Some people are. Yeah, because the comedians are open about it. That's true.

Who are on it. They're totally open about it. Yeah. Some people are open about it. I think Oprah was open about it. Oh really? She was on it. Yeah, she was on it.

But she says I had medical, some other bullshit term of saying I'm doing ozempic. Right. Like a medical reason, being that she's fat. See? That is a health reason. Yeah, but I don't know. I'm trying to get a little fatter so that the side effects of OZMPIC are less dangerous

than me being fat. That makes sense. Some say I could already probably do it, but I think another 20 pounds and then the thyroid cancer worry of OZMPIC side effects is less dangerous than the actual heart attack I could possibly have. That's a great way to put it And do we even know the side effects yet? It's so new that no one really knows what's going on and well, it's like diarrhea and Actually, yeah, we'll be Goldberg

Tom Tracy Morgan, that's one of the side effects Sharon Osborne did it and she said she did it too much She can't get the weight back on. Oh wow She must feel pretty good. I don't think Chelsea did it. She wakes up every morning next to Ozzy. She's like I feel pretty healthy Yeah, I feel like a lot of people fitter than me are getting it. Well, it's a precautionary like I don't want to get fat Like a pro-flexic of getting fat. It's prep. Too late for me. It's prep. It's the prep for me. Let me nip it in the bud early. Yeah, everybody's on it. You see? Look at this. Whoa! Are we sure these people are on it?

Or is this just like a website? I guess it's today.com. This is like celebrity net worth if you're completely active. Right. All the people I know on it are not fat. They're doing it to curb like... Charles Barkley's on it? He's fat. He and Shaq I think both took it. Shaq took it? Really? Oh wow Billy

Who's that? No, Billy King who I met I met her really yeah Either oh god We really screw scraping the bottom of the barrel when we get to fucking who's his name John Gosling never heard of him Yes, the Gosling member John and Kate got thing yeah Wow he should put that in his sack so yeah, I'm making kids Eight kids is too much. I'm just gonna maybe eight kids at different times But eight kids all the same age at once and who's I don't even know different times. That's fucking rough, dude

What do you think you are Nick Cannon? How many do they have he's got like 11 yeah, that's you are, Nick Cannon? Flow down. Oh, that's cool. How many does he have? He's got like 11. Yeah, that's a lot. Nick Cannon, 11 kids? You know Nick Cannon, it was like the day that Russia invaded Ukraine and I was on a flight and I had a few drinks in me

and I just saw that Nick Cannon popped into Caroline's. They were like, Nick Cannon came by tonight and I was like, I quote tweeted and wrote, can we get any good news today? I just immediately, eight minutes after, Nick Cannon follows you, I'm like, oh boy. And I know how he feels about Jews already. So that was his way of being like Jew.

Cause he can't write it to me, cause he's on NBC. But him just following me was like, Jew. You know what list he's putting you in on his Twitter thing. Definitely. He's like an anti-Semite who's producing so many anti-Semitic children. It's like really part of this new anti-Semitic wave. He's an anti-Semite. He's telling that to like his 42 kids.

And he was one before it was cool. Yeah, he was. He was in the beginning. Oh, he would just have like these weird propaganda people on his show and stuff. I don't think he was actually, he said, no, he did say some stuff about Jews, but I don't think he's actually smart enough to actually be anti-Semitic.

I don't think he really thought it through enough to know what he, you have to have a little intelligence to be like anti-Semitic. I just can't believe he married Mariah Carey and it just seems so like- Yeah, you're such, you're the biggest Mariah fan. Yeah, I just, that was that he married Mariah Carey and it just seems so like yeah, you're such you're the biggest Mariah fan Yeah, I just I mean that was sort of when like that's when the tides changed Yeah, Mariah was on top of the world and then she married Nick Cannon and we just

Yeah, but she got two good kids. She's really good kids are cute and they're great and they tour together He's a handsome guy. Yeah, he's a handsome guy and And Mariah's like a, I know this is gonna sound shocking, but she's. She's a hot lady. No, she's a great mom. Like, got the kids on tour, they are all like, they're dancing and creating music and they've got good people around them.

So like, she's doing a good job. I don't know so much about Nick. Yeah, well good for her. She's banking on that Christmas money. Are you saying you're right, Kerry? She makes so much money for that Christmas. Are you saying he's bringing her down? Is that what you're saying, or?

Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course Okay, I don't know how anyone interpreted that any other way Besides saying Nick Cannon. Yeah, is that worse to you than the anti-semitism? I know that's a tough call as a lamb a tough call Someone interested in success. Yeah You're like, I don't know. No, but that Christmas song really. Oh yeah. It is a good song.

Except for life. I get cynical the first couple times I hear it, but then after like a few more holiday season, I'm like, it is a good fucking Christmas song. They did a thing, they were showing like a, they were at some bar and someone was DJing, but it was packed, right? And so they're playing all this music, da da da da,

and you can see people just not really responding, and the second they play the Mariah Carey Christmas song everyone starts Wow, it's great. It's just one month out of the year. We get to enjoy a song. Oh, yeah Well, it was actually gonna be originally a Hanukkah song and he talked her out of it Music let's be real. I mean it was all written by Jews. That's true But they didn't write it about Hanukkah. Yeah Jews that's true But they didn't write it about Hanukkah yeah

Had the option and Mariah did write her she writes all her own music come on She wrote everything who's got the Hanukkah snow Mariah Mariah wrote every single one of her song Oh every single one she wrote yeah, I think one of her songs she wrote That's a great point though the best Christmas songs are the best songs are Jews writing Christmas songs I would say the same with comic books Batman Superman Spider Superman, Spider-Man, it's all Jewish made. Not Jewish superheroes. It's like Irving Berlin, right? May your days be merry and bright. The loneliness of being excluded from it

brought out the power in singing. I don't know if it's that much or so. It's like unrequited love. It's a music industry thing. No one wants a Jewish superhero, though. No one's a guy who's like, this now? Really, I gotta deal with this? Yeah.

Is that the same way they don't want gay superheroes? We're like, really? Again? Jews and gays, both kind of catty in our own way. That's probably why we became friends. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. True. Mateo can shit talk. We love to own way. That's probably why we became friends. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Mateo can shit talk. We love to complain. But it's also a New York thing. New Yorkers bitch so much. Yes they do, it's a fun type of bitching at the New York main. Every New Yorker is Jewish and gay a little. Is there a gay Jew?

Who's a gay Jew? There's a lot of gay Jews. There's a lot. Harvey Fierstein is probably the... Oh yeah. I was rewatching Independence Day, which is... I gotta call my lawyer. The most... Forget my lawyer most I forget my

Question is that more offensive as a gay stereotype or a jew stereotype because they're both. I don't really offensive I Don't think it's I mean that's who harvey firestein that is who he is I also want to talk about how that that movie by the way I Loved the first 20 minutes of that movie when the ships are coming in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the second they blow up, I think everything falls apart.

And then I heard Patrice O'Neill and Jim Norton talking about it on the radio years ago, it was on YouTube, and they just dive in about how bad the movie is, how terrible, and it's true, it's a really bad movie. It's not great. It's fun though. It is fun, yeah. It's a fun movie. President Bill Pullman, remember? Oh yeah, Randy Quaid is the weird one.

Judd Hersch is the more anti-Semitic portrayal. There's two pretty big characters. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but the dad, it was like. The dad's pretty brutal. He like comes into the White House, he's like, you think I can take some pens? Oh, is that you? Is that Judd Hersch?

Yeah, he's like, you think the pens? He's like, ooh, the White House, the civil war here must be really great. It's so weird, cause Judd Hersch, like old school on taxi, is that Judd Hirsch? Yeah, he's like, I think it depends. He's like, ooh, the White House, the civil war here must be really great. It's so weird, because Judd Hirsch, old school on taxi, is so cool. So cool. Like, he's just a cool dude. He became a Jewish stereotype.

Yeah, I think at that point, he was just like, I need the paycheck. Which is the worst stereotype at all. I'm in Independence Day, like, oh, Independence Day, here we are, see, it all comes back around. I think at a certain point, you just become a stereotype. I think you just, yeah. I became I see all comes back around. I think at a certain point you just become a stereotype I think you do. I became I was 13 I've been riding on this stereotype for a really long. Can only imagine what you're gonna be

What monster all involved into Did you go to the parade this week or no? No, no, no. No, I was I'm just I'm tired. Yeah Yeah, it is. It's like I've done it. I'm 38. It was my birthday, too So I have something for that. Oh, just make the list by the way as a what as a gay Jew work and Jessica's so funny, but yeah, I am I didn't I went to Benihana and Everyone smelled like I don't know Benihana is like that place is falling apart. Oh, it's a mess It's like East Berlin in 1983 like that's what it feels I would not use you have such a sophisticated

I thought it'd be fun like a group of friends are going to Benny Honda and kind of laughing But then we all smelled like onion that I don't know what's more embarrassing telling people you smell like onion or you went to Benny Honda like I don't know Judges you you're like I went to Benny Honda. They're like why well, it's kitschy. You know it's like a Japanese olive garden Rice was fine, but it's just a real class divide here. I'm like that's a fancy place It's just it. I mean they really need to like you ever watch those like cleaning tick-tock like videos they need that They need that like blonde lady coming who's happy about mold yeah, and then just cleaning that place up the music was bad. It was like It's a little dingy. Yeah, it's by the way

Can I preemptively say a comment making fun of me that's gonna be on the YouTube thing sure King George Costanza Got it first so fuck you Speak oh my God stereotypes But the Asian one caused less so we did go for the I think it's a mixed dick. I think it's terrible. I gotta be honest, thank you by the way, I love sprinkles. I always get like if there's a Mr. Frosty, I'll get like a vanilla cone with sprinkles. Sprinkles are the best.

This actually looks way better than I thought it would look. This looks presentable. Well that's because it's open-side. Can you eat? No, you can't eat the penis, right? That's just like a little bone? Let's give it a shot. I'm sure you can eat it. I would eat it. Can you eat, no you can't eat the penis, right? That's just like a good one. Let's give it a shot. I'm sure you can eat it, I'm sure. That doesn't really appeal to me, but it does look like you can eat it.

The sprinkles look more appealing to me than the penis. Wait, you can eat it? No. Chocolate, it's cold and hot. Oh, it's chocolate? Oh, wow. It's the worst episode of Is It Cakin'. It looks like jizz on his balls. It looks like it's coming out of a pool of jizz a lot of jizz 38 years old

it's so remember do you move to your nose 25 holy shit and all this for the creaking I'm right behind you though I'll be there in a month oh yeah you ever see the weird pool but you ever see the movie bachelor party in the 80s with Tom Hanks yes no oh dude it's it's a you've seen it I pull, but you ever see the movie Bachelor Party in the 80s with Tom Hanks? Yes. No. Oh dude, you've seen it? We had to watch it for the podcast, but I made it about halfway. Oh no, no, no, I'm thinking a cocktail.

No, it's way more. With Tom Cruise? No, it's Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks, yeah. He's getting married and his friends are all degenerates and they throw him a party. And it's like Tom Cruise that is like total,

like super charming, funny, dirty, 80s comedy. But there's a scene where the women are like, well we're gonna go out too, and they go to a strip club for men, and there's this guy named Nick the Dick. And he's, I guess, got the biggest dick, and he walks over and as a joke, tries to serve them his dick.

They're giving out hot dogs, and they keep pulling on his dick, and that's what made me think of it. Oh yeah, it's very good. It's less sweet than that wine Come on. I want to buy it. It is it's good. I want a piece of the dick Can't believe it's it looks so plastic that's chocolate. I think it's chocolate. Oh easy Lorraine a Bob This episode is sponsored by blue chew Come on, which ah easy Lorraine a Bobbit Wow, that's a hard dick This episode is sponsored by blue chew

I Used to do blue chew a lot. Yeah. Yeah, it works. It's great. Yeah, go good. Wait. What's blue? Do blue? It's like it's like It's like Viagra, but for the youth the cool Viagra. It's not your grandpa's Viagra. What does that mean? Viagra but for the youth the cool Viagra. It's not your grandpa's Viagra. What does that mean? Pop it in you chew it you don't have to get like a prescription Worked on Lee yes, how does it last for him? Oh? All night, you know really you getting it up though come on I Do it cuz you know like especially like if you're having sex with someone in the beginning

You know, you know how you come early. Yeah, I'm just projecting it out to everyone You know how everyone you know how everyone comes immediately But so that let me know that actually let me Interestingly enough and let me go for a while Because I don't know why you think would be the opposite. Yeah, but it lets you keep going I think it's the fact that my dick so hard in my head. I'm like, what do you it lets you keep going. I think it's the fact that my dick's so hard in my head I'm like, even if- Like after you come it lets you keep going? Well, I think in my head I'm thinking because I know that if I came, my dick would still going, that takes away the pressure

and then I don't come early. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all mental. It's all mental. That's the same. Yeah, like I tried Propecia and everybody's like, you're gonna go impotent, you can't get it up on Propecia. And right then, I couldn't get it up. Really? And then I realized this is all in my head and I got it up again. The first time I had sex, I was reading, I was afraid of coming early and I was reading,

Victor Frankel has this book called Man's Search for Meaning. It's about like Auschwitz and him like, it's a- It's hard to get hard to Auschwitz. It's like a psychological book about like, finding meaning in life, but he was a Holocaust survivor But for some reason at the end there's like a final chapter the psychologist on how not to come early what yeah It's very bizarre. It's in the very end It's like

It's like lessons of fisting at the end of the diary of Anne Frank or something But it said to come to not come early you need to try to come early because it's all Psychology and your dick is like I'll just do whatever the fuck But you don't tell me basically men aren't enjoying anything Yeah, we're just constantly playing mind games while we're fucking and we're like don't come come don't come he says don't come come And they're like can we me over. I literally have like Baseball players in my head that helped me not like Wade Bob. That's pretty game Not gay because it helps me to not come Like Wade Boggs is weird edging yourself baseball players, but our you've never heard the baseball to help to delay orgasm I

look Help to delay orgasm. I look if Jeter That I'm not but here's the thing are there baseball players you specifically don't imagine knowing it could have the Hosea-Kinseko. Yeah, no, I just said that Jeter. Oh Jeter He dated Mariah Carey, yeah, right. Oh you should see and then she wrote the song my all about him really Well, he hit like Jeter had everybody did Tyra Banks Donna Brewster no Madonna A-Rod had Madonna not Jeter that was right and a rod had J. Lo J. Lo is a mess is she have you guys not like seen everything that's going on with her tour is not selling She had the tour didn't sell so she'll ride or cancel then she did two movies one a self-produced

So she had the tour didn't sell social tour and then she did two movies one a self-produced Project about her life that everyone panned and then she did something called atlas for Netflix Which is like I mean it looked like reboot the cartoon from ABC morning shows Oh, and then and that didn't go well either and now she's getting a divorce with Ben Affleck Wow, I'm selling the cancelling seems like such a fuck you to her fans that like she's gonna cancel all these well I just don't think it was selling 18% I think that she cancelled it because because the fans were basically saying fuck you to her I guess I heard it was it it was like it was still a big fan base a lot of fans but she had to she had such a

Demand for such a high percentage and had to be completely sold out, but it was only like 80% sold out Oh 80% good. That's what I'm saying So she canceled on like 80% full places just cuz she was maybe she didn't want to do it because she's just tired Yeah, she's that Benny. I mean she looks 54 oh she looks great, but you saw those Ben Affleck photos. They're all just like he looks like I was schwitz Fuck I hate this you can tell that seemed really stressed out Yeah, it's gotta be a lot. It's kind of funny to be like like they got back together So it's that old thing like it was they were meant to be the whole time. Yeah, it's like nope

Look at that was also. He had good hair plugs. I'll say that oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he had good hair plugs, I'll say that. He looks great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he had good hair plugs. He looks like a hunk. What is it with JLo? I don't understand what the... I think she's high maintenance. I think she's a lot. She's supposed to be the ultimate like diva, right?

She's always with, like she's never alone. She's always, always with somebody. And yet always alone. Kind of. Yeah, literally. I got my hor go brunt today. What did she say during the national, or she was singing America the Beautiful,

and then she was like, you know, let's get loud. And didn't she scream that, let's get loud? Oh yeah. You do that real quick, it's humiliating. She's lip syncing America the Beautiful, and then comes in and screams, let's get loud, and then goes back to America the Beautiful, and everyone's like, what?

Yeah, weird timing. like what what yeah weird timing She had a really weird timing her hottest movie. I think was you torn remember you turned no it's enough remember enough Oh enough is our fighting about the I think I hottest and out of sight she was sex. Oh there we go There's JLo. She's looking this when she was dating a rod. She looks like the price. She always looks good. What year? There's got to be a time stamp because it's humiliating. Yeah, this is at the Vine inauguration. Oh, okay. Doesn't this feel so antiquated?

I know. It just feels so like, what are we doing? What is this, Star Wars? Alright, here we go. Oh. This is lip syncing. Oh This is lip-syncing this land is your land Okay, well the man's like Gloria Estefan looks great

Feel like Woody Guthrie would be spinning in his grave right now All right so far it sounds pretty good Got some flag shots. She is such a bad singer. Yeah, I don't think she's that talented, to be honest. Oh yeah, there was COVID, so like... This is Biden's inauguration? Yeah. Here we go.

The plastic walls. She looks... She's pulling it off. Oh, six feet distancing. I hate when they just switch to a new song like in the medleys Yeah, I do like this song. I felt finish the song. Oh, I see what you're saying He Don't give me the Mariah bitch like you know what you're doing She went to Michael's for her outfit and hearings. You she did that in arguments with Ben she like yeah here we go

What is this arrangement at six feet distance you don't like this good wine I think very good No, no, no SAP Oh No SAP Yes, okay, really yes She doesn't you watch interviews or that she's like Me What I think, you know. Can I make a point about why Woody Guthrie would be spitting his grave? It's very, so Woody Guthrie wrote the song

This Land Is Your Land, he wrote it in reaction to the bullshit patriotism of America the Beautiful. So he wrote it as a counter argument to like the kind of simplistic patriotism. Yes, but the gay composer he wrote it as a counter argument to like the kind of simplistic patriot yes But the gay composer who put it together Like we need all hands on deck for jay well went from the song that he that he was like Critiquing in a way to that fucking song do you remember the did he also write? Let's get loud The Fergie at the All-Star game?

Girl, it's so good. The cartwheels? Did you saw that? I love that Mark knows all the gay shit. Oh yeah. Oh my god. This is where, by the way, this is where Matteo and I meet in the middle. I'm like, you remember Fergie?

And I'm like, at the All-Star game? How could I forget? I think she's pretty hot. Oh, she's gorgeous. OK. Beautiful. Are you kidding me? Oh, wow.

Is that a controversial take? I don't feel like I hear a list. Mark's like, I'd fuck her. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. The best is when you start seeing the police. Stop. I don't know who this is. Her name's Fergie?

You know Black Eyed Peas. Oh. You know the Black Ey who- Her name's Perky? You know Black Eyed Peas. I mean, I know the Black Eyed Peas, but she- Doesn't everyone start laughing at this point? Yeah. She looks like she's just coming- Oh, that hurts. Take that shit to WNBA. Oh.

Use the track. Take that shit to WNBA The meds are just wearing off Cuz you watched Mariah when she was 19 she sang America the Beautiful so no one knew who she was And she hits the high note and all the basketball players start losing their mind It's the exact opposite of what's happening right now. Yeah, yeah It's awesome. It's the exact opposite of what's happening right now. Yeah, yeah Who oh that's rough very proud of herself though. She doesn't know is well. She got out of bed Why is it so it's just bad? She's just like off. Why is it bad? Why is it bad? Yeah? We're we're to be Well, you know the arrangement was bad her voice is bad, okay, and she's doing weird things like

You know the arrangement was bad her voice is bad, and she's doing weird things like The whole thing was weird. It's like a dolly painting, but it's not like it just doesn't fit the tone you know Versus like Whitney Houston I just think at any single Super Bowl or any basketball game, whatever champion, just like when we were in middle school and they purled out that TV on a tray and we knew that something good was coming. Do you think they just put, that's true. Anything was better than class. They pulled it out, just play Whitney Houston.

Yes. And that's it, it should just be Whitney, she did it. Super Bowl shows, I mean I hate to sound old, but like fuck Michael Jackson, Prince. like oh yeah Diana Ross in that helicopter Do the Prince one blew my fucking mind yeah, but let up what's Rosanna Barsley in the national anthem That was in the 90s Justin Timberlake. Oh this one's historical. Oh, yeah, it's so bad is it Oh, my this is very on point with the show by the way the national the best and worst You know what it makes me think of is remember the episode of the simpsons were crusty bombs in national and oh yeah

Forget it I Recently watched the simpsons episode where he got all the sugar. Oh, yeah, oh is it class or this is she's like trolling oh? Yeah, okay. It's purposely bad. She just is better than Fergie. Ah That's like the naked gun part. Yes. Yes exactly right Carrie had a good one, but Whitney Houston's is the best I can't be waiting why? Anyone would ever try and outdo it ironically Fergie took a bath Not Whitney Whitney died is it Whitney Houston oh fast

Just go halfway through Also this is not what everybody hated each other we were kind of still getting along together. Yeah, except for Rodney King oh She's so pretty think about how divided people are you mentioned Taylor Swift's name and people are so divided No one was really like, fuck Whitney Beasley Right, that's true That's not true Uh oh No, Whitney had some issues in the beginning because she was being portrayed a lot of people who were getting black were being portrayed as too white sounding

And so the first part of her career was Well I think it's a little different, I it's because Taylor Swift is such a mega-dude. Well, I think you're right. I think people back then didn't say like, Oh, fuck Whitney and so-and-so is better. But also look at the standard of singing. I mean, come on now. Taylor Swift and her wildest dreams could never accomplish this. I know that she's a different kind of artist, but it's like, when you're one of the greatest singers literally of all time, what's to argue? And this does the, keep in mind at this time,

it was Whitney, Celine and Mariah. That was the standard of singing. Yeah. I remember where I was when I found out Whitney died. I was playing a club called Side Splitters, not in Tampa, in Knoxville, Tennessee. Oh God. Knoxville is actually a great comedy town,

but that club was rough. And I remember I got, it was the same night Jeremy Lin of the Knicks dropped 38 points during Linsanity. Woo-wee! And I got off stage and I found out cause someone tweeted, oh my God, Whitney Houston died.

That's Linsane. Oh. I remember, okay, there's a great comedian in Chicago named Ray Hollab. Oh, I love that guy. He's so funny. And the night she died we were at an open mic And he went up and did a Whitney joke on the spot he goes and he's very his performance is very you know Dry right and he says a Whitney Houston was

found with Did the autopsy and get so many drugs in her body lots and lots of drugs and when they asked Bobby Brown What do we do with it? He said can we smoke it? About 9-eleven that was so funny. I can't it was like about him being in the towers and And like someone I can't remember the full joke, but this part. I just love there's someone literally is knocking on the door I go we got to get out of here. It's 9-eleven like he calls it nine We gotta get out of here. It's 9-eleven like he calls it night

Ray Hallib is one of the funniest people I've ever seen Yeah, I know I wish you would come back yeah, he's hilarious Louie had a great 9-eleven jack-off joke you remember that oh That's a great. Well how about a person you were by how long you waited to jack off after 9-eleven he goes for me It was between the first and the second plane. No in retrospect. I guess that might have been true That's like a John Lennon jealous guy when he's like I didn't mean to hit you in the eye And you're like what a metaphor that you find out he really was beating yes Houston that was the best I think everything else is downhill from there. It's true. She's your number one I don't it's a tie. I would say the barbers try sand yeah, or Whitney Houston. It's a tie between those I go barbers try said I go to every time I could I could you can go either way with those two

I'm a rhyme me or or that movie So ridiculous Barbara Streisand playing a man She's got like palm olive fingers. Like she's not even attempting to try and be a man. She's just Barbara Streisand in a man's outfit being like, I want to study. Like she didn't even attempt it. Like Superman without the glasses.

Well at least Mulan attempted. You know he's like, hey boys. If anyone can pull off looking like a man without much effort, it's Barbara Streisand. Don't say I love Barbara Streisand. Young Barbara was hot. Hey, boy, anyone can pull off looking like a man without much effort. It's Barbara's Funny girl on the other day she's fucking although that book I read her book it was nice I'm ready to pages kind of sexy. She's an attractive young. Yeah honker. I love it I want to got such a big nose no offense to Jews. I like the nose Can I say that her book I read it?

I could barely get through it because it's like there's interesting stories and then she divulges and goes into like architecture. She wants you to know that she's a designer. So she'd be like, I met William. William was wearing a long purple A-line shirt with three buttons. I remember that just talk about William. That was everything in the book. That was exhausting. But she she's truly by the way

That's every woman Yes, the editors like a man Game used to men never finish All right, she's good on that right take all right. She's hot. I mean She was a beautiful woman dude what she got ugly quick wait a minute edit that out, but it went bad quick Yeah, well the thing was like an avocado But she was she made a movie about her being kind of unattractive so even she Will see mirror has two faces. It's not traditional not true Good look She's not she but she's beautiful. This is not like yeah, she doesn't she doesn't look like Whitney

He loved how old way like the old like Shakespeare 12th Night Way. It was like the woman. Yeah, and with no effort Like yeah, just it's a man. I love how not traditional just means big Junos Yeah, there was a bad attempt to being a man. It was like a trans person in the 90s. Very lazy. Well, I uh, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's side was too long, the line, but you're not about to, you can't switch in there, you know? Yeah.

And I was like, do not go into the men's section, they'll fucking stone you, and she was gonna, she's a psychopath, she was like, I don't give a shit. I'm like, don't go, and I convinced her, I was like, worst case scenario, either you're gonna get beat up, or people aren't gonna realize you're not a woman. And both ones are kind of a bad situation. What's worse? She's got one of my

favorite jokes of all time. She's the best. You know the joke she has where she goes, my boyfriend threatened to kill himself and I was like great now I can't kill myself. I think we were in love. That is a like you can't write a better one-liner than that. That's like a to me that's like a perfect joke. Everyone says Appaloochee, but I think it's just pronounced a different way I believe I have a Luchi I have a I have a Luchi or something Jewish to me. She really part Yeah, have to have a talent. She's a tallying. Yeah as well. That's right. I remember Gould. She's great Yes, she was date. She married Ellie Gould Ellie Gould and they had a kid together There is Sam's this is like Jack Nicholson when you see him at the end in the picture, Sam Morrill. In the past.

Oh, right. Oh, by the way, RIP Robert Towne fucking died. I know, I know that. Oh, the Chinatown. Chinatown, the fucking, and Last Detail was a fucking, and he did Punch Up on Godfather, like that dude. He did Punch Up on Godfather? Oh, no, mate, you know what, it was Bonnie and Clyde,

I'm sorry, it was, oh. I was like, I didn't even know where the punch ups would be. No, I think he was don't even know where the punch He was an uncredited script supervisor and a lot of stuff that you know He was just he was like no, but he also had a guy He didn't really take great care of they he got it Yeah, last detail is a really underrated Nicholson one Norman loves that one the straightest thing I'm about to say is I still think the Godfather is one of the greatest movies of all yeah Like such a straight man thing to say is like we all The Godfather is one of the greatest movies of all time. Yeah! Why is that such a straight man thing to say?

It's like, we all, the Godfather! And the second as well! The second one's amazing. When De Niro fucking stabs that motherfucker. Oh my god. That's how I don't get it. Some women are like, Godfather, these movies guys love. It's like, you know, these are like the greatest movies.

But it's all about family, really. Well, a kind of fucked up family. That's how they sold it. Sure. That was literally because the book. Well, they wanted Robert Devault, no, they wanted, the original. Redford. Redford to play. We talked about this the other day when we talked about the movie.

Yeah, horrible choice. And horrible choice. They're like, no. Well, they had to honky everything up back then. The best testament to how good it is, Sonamu Sen's favorite movie was The Godfather, which means that movie is so universal and so just capturing life. Yeah. Yeah, I know that that's his

He said it he did it was in the criterion closet. That's But it's so good that even he could watch it and be like, yeah You got a support like you liked it for the wrong reason the book was like pop It was like, you like pop, it was like pop sensation. But then Coppola, he found what really was universal about it, and it's family. Oh yeah, it's family. He also understood Sicilians and what that actually means.

I will say it's pretty ballsy to bring a head of a horse into a bed thinking you're not gonna wake the person up. I know, they never quite explained that. I was like are they Batman? Like you know how Batman like disappears and you're like where did he go? I imagine carrying a decapitated head's horse is probably not the quietest action and I'm a light sleeper. I'd be like who is this? That could have easily gone with him just waking up what the fuck and a guy just holding a horse. That could be a great sketch. And then he's like give Frank Sinatra the role. Get frozen. And a guy just holding a horse Give Frank Sinatra the role yeah

Let him off the car. He was offended that they offered him that uh Really oh they offered it to him. Oh god. Who is the guy based off of him? Yeah, of course when he got out of his contract he was with that big band player. That's hilarious. Yeah Hey, hey folks you want to blow your tits off well you need the vacu glide by auto blow Classified as a male milking machine world's most pleasurable machine for men Great for folks with Edie or just people who like to rub one out look at this thing I mean this is top-notch a little rude that you only send one of these vacu glide come on. That's true Who's getting sloppy seconds? Rock paper scissors there we go. Oh, we could we go both ends. Oh

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because everyone said, I think, I'm pretty sure that's the story. Frank Sinatra first became famous, was with this band leader, and the band leader, you know, Frank obviously became, he was like the Justin Bieber back then, so he wanted out, and the band leader was like, no, you're under contract, blah, blah, blah, and then I think he got out of the contract

From you know some special help ah He's a horrible person. Oh, yeah, like I was reading about him in a Mia Farrow like he wanted 60 and 21 when they got married he wanted her out of Rosemary's, baby He wanted her to not he wanted her to agree to never work again once they were married He's that like crazily sexist and like he's like he didn't want her to steal it at all And then we cool and then he wanted her to yeah to be out of the movie and then be in another movie I think he went off that and was like what with him yep, and he and he sent her the divorce papers on set Cuz you raised yeah, well he doesn't strike me as someone who was nice

Yeah, and he also beat up a lot of women manic depressive, and I think a lot of problems was he manic depressed you? Like at the at least like borderline person something was something was up Yeah, I mean there was this bio that Earl Wilson wrote on him, and it was like best case manic depressive It's what really? He was oh yeah best case manic depressive is what he said. Really? Yeah, and he was fine. Well, then I... He was? Oh yeah. Oh really?

I didn't know that. I always thought that out of the rap hack that Sammy Davis had the best voice. He's incredible. Oh yeah. He really was the best out of all of them. His soft shit. But Sinatra's a unique voice.

Sinatra's unique and Sinatra is like style. I mean, when he was younger, he had a really good voice, like a classical voice and was kind of like a better version of Bing Crosby and they were often compared to each other. But Sammy was just a better singer. And his version of, what's it called, Mr. Bojangles is one of the greatest.

Who can I turn to? Is Sammy Davis in the Creepers? He's more vulnerable than Sinatra. Yeah, Sinatra was all about style and Dean Martin was just drunk I love it though. I love Dean Martin. Same. Everyone loves Dean Martin. But uh, yeah, that's interesting How about but what do you say like Bobby Darin? Fine just all sort of the same. I mean out of all those singers at that time Tony Bennett was the best

Yeah, and even Frank Sinatra said it. What do you think? He's pretty fucking good though. Who? Bobby Darin was pretty was pretty fun Yeah, but Tony was like a Tony's a real singer get some Tony. I'll be there. Here's Bobby Dan does the Mac the knife That's so great. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's a good singer. He's a straight Tony's more verbatim. What do you think about Bob Billy? He's a really creative I'm not gonna work on Omega Spawn no more. I've seen him live a lot of times in the last couple of years. So I wasn't taken aback by Biden's performance on the day. I had a lot of preparation. I'm like, this is great.

You were like, I don't know what he said. He knows what he said. Type in Tony Bennett, who can I turn to there we go and we'll see the real the real singer He's the he's the least attractive to yes We think he's very honest thing they go to the scroll down the ugliest are the best Susan Boyle Susan Boyle Kathy Bates, yes, I guess scroll all the way up. Oh there right there. Who can I turn to that? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, and if you just go a quarter of the way through, when he really starts belting,

you're like, oh, okay, this guy's the real deal. Apparently Lady Gaga worshiped him. Yeah, they did a bunch of songs. Well, she's always crying, but they did a bunch of songs together. What's weird, we had Alzheimer's, and he came out on stage and she was there. He couldn't remember anything,

and looked at her and said Lady Gaga. Oh geez Fast forward a halfway through it's here So is this what's happening at the Lane residence? No? ugly guys He's all right He's very Italian looking it looks like this is very southern Southern Italian with you I could learn to Oh, that is nice.

Velvety. Velvety it is. With you on a new day Woo! But who can I turn to if you turn away? Boy, that hits you right in the gut. That is a real singer right there. That's a real singer.

Have you ever seen him live before? No, I never saw him live. I saw he did an album with Katie Lang live together. I love Katie. And he was supposed to come, but I just saw Katie. Katie Lang is also underrated. I don't even know who that is. Oh my god. Lesbian, 90s, very famous.

I sang Constant Craving. Yeah. Constant Craving. And it's just funny, she says in interviews, she's like, Who do you think is the hottest woman to have the hottest best voice? Whitney Houston. Maybe Mariah. Mariah's hot. Mariah or Whitney. And you're kind of think, do you think Whitney has the best voice?

Oh, it's between her and Barbara stress, but I would say or I would say them or Mariah It's you depends on that what day you catch in a way like we always say like you know there's like an old Louie bit or something like how how Coincidental it is that so many singers are hot yeah Yeah, but if you think about it those out of the people you're mentioning, two of them are super hot. But I guess there's a lot of- Whitney was like, Mariah's beautiful, Barbara's beautiful, Whitney was a model.

Whitney was perfect. But I guess there's a lot of ugly singers, I guess, who aren't famous because they're not hot. No, that's not true. There's singers who are not conventionally attractive and I think are famous. Aretha Franklin. Right, right, right famous, you know? Aretha Franklin. Right, right, right.

Yeah, I mean Aretha Franklin, she was pretty, but she certainly didn't look like this, you know what I mean? She didn't look like Whitney Houston. But Aretha and Patti started it all. If it wasn't for Aretha Franklin, we wouldn't have anyone. No singer would exist, really.

Whitney, Mariah, Celine, none of them. You know who I love is that Sarah. What's her name? I hope you don't say McLaughlin. No, no, no Sarah Vaughn. She came to one of my shows once she did She did I hung out with her at the cellar all night I didn't know where the cellar a friend of mine as a musician came I didn't know who she was and when she left I did we hung like for like an hour to after there She was so my friend. She's like, oh, I'm a musician. Very like honest. Chill about it?

Yeah, she couldn't have been nicer and cooler. Oh, she's hot. Yeah, she's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. I was, she's great. Incredible. Have you heard her like, have you heard her version of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road? It's like, she's like, hey. Who's the most famous person that was in the audience when you were doing a show once? Oh, Adam Driver.

Okay. Where would he see you? I did the Patrice O'Neill benefit front row? That's pretty cool You can see that mug a mile away Ten feet tall oh wow honker yeah mark was in the back watching my show once At the cellar Barbara Corkin was there when I was oh wow All the staff and I was like Barbara Corkin's! Because I have a whole bit about Barbara Corkin. And then I asked her, I have a shark tank idea,

I presented it to her and she said, it stinks. For that reason, he's out. I did a show in LA last year and the Red Hot Chili Peppers were there at my show. Oh wow. All bad? Everyone but Flea. That's fine.

I found out because Tom Tom Dakar was open He's like dude. Do you know the red hot chili peppers, and I was like no. He's like they're here Oh, because you were too old I Opened from Andrew Schultz at Radio City, and that's not sure I sang New York New York there, but either way I was on the show I was like wait a minute. No I I was singing but um Bill Gates was in the audience That's wow that's fucking crazy. He was at the cellar recently really yeah wow really like comedy Yeah, I think his daughter does and he's I got no one Hannah Gatsby apparently was at my taping Cellar does not been a night like you've been up and someone's like oh so, so and so's in the car. Yeah, you've had more famous comics.

You're fucking open for Louie. He watched your set. I guess Louie. Paul Rudd was at the cellar once when I was on. Oh yeah. He's cute. If Louie ever watched my set, I would send him. Yeah.

Oh, Matt Damon. Yes, he's there a lot. Matt Damon, yes, yes, yes. I'm trying to think of other people at the cellar. Matt Damon's here a bunch. Yeah, Zac Efron, who I met. Ooh, he's that. And Forrest Germain Fowler to introduce me

I was talking to Louie about his good will hunting bit cuz I think it's one of his funniest bits It makes me laugh so hard He's a joke just shitting on good will hunting and being like, you know The gist of it is like they wrote it for themselves and he's like I'm gonna play it I'm blue collar and I'm tough and I get into fights. Also, I'm a genius. And it keeps going and it's such a funny bit. But I remember asking him about it and he said, he's like, I honestly, I said,

I love that movie but that bit made me laugh so hard. And he goes, yeah, me too. And then he, I said, do you know Matt Damon? He goes, I've never met him but I'm a fan. It's so funny that you can write a bit like that and you put that into the world and you're shitting on it and you're like, yeah, I love that. It's almost like a tribute, you know? But I get it.

Right. I was talking not shit about, there was a woman on the British Bake Off who had one hand and I wrote a whole joke about it. Now the joke was not that making fun of her for having one hand. The joke was about how British TV talks about it. They never brought it up. Where American TV would be like, what's wrong with you, blah, blah, blah, this and that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, yeah, there she is. And so anyway, at the end of the joke, I make a joke about Michelle Wolf, because Michelle texted me on the last episode, she made it to the top three, and Michelle texted me, what happened to the hand? So she came to my show in London.

Whoa! We hung out out we took pictures together She could not have been nicer, and she totally got that I was not making fun of her I was sure of British and American TV Wow she could not have been nicer or cooler. Well. Let's give her a hand She has like a little hand or what is it yes, I don't know I never asked what exactly So what's wrong really? Something like that. I also made fun of a woman on the British Bake Off for whose voice you couldn't understand her name is Rosie and She also she she wrote me and she was like yeah kind of just down myself sometimes I love it so it's sometimes you get like you type in Rosie

For put a great British bake off people get offended because they think you have like a strong Just joking well, that's a backhanded compliment. Well because I think it's like how you direct the joke right? So it's like there haven't times that we all we are just making fun of the person right there There's other times that person sort of the platform to make fun of other things I did I posted a bit. It's like an old bit about how like How like in Germany now like they've really pulled a 180 because now like if you draw swastika They'll throw your ass in jail, and I'm like I love that it's like even though. They're no longer Nazis They're still kind of being Nazis about it The German airport I was just doing a tour in Europe and the Berlin airport was the biggest fucking mess

Never they used to be so organ. I have never But everyone says oh the Germans are so efficient blah blah blah I'm used to the Italians who are like a mess about right right it was legitimately It was the worst boarding of a flight I've ever experienced. Berlin's supposed to be a very modern city as well. Berlin? Yeah. But the airport sucks. The Berlin airport is great.

I think the Nazis were more incompetent than people. Yeah, they were all on drugs. Yeah, there's a myth that they were so organized. But it was actually a lot of... Well, not the Nazis. Also inefficient. But the Germans are sort of stereotyped as being very efficient. Well, they like efficient things. They like nice things. But Germans are sort of stereotyped as being very efficient.

They like efficient things, they like nice things. We think of nice cars or tailored clothing. But I think, yeah, with the Nazis, I think a lot of that was confidence. A lot of it was crystal meth and it was only, yeah, they were a mess. You should've taken a train. But I posted that bit,

I posted that bit and all these Germans got so mad at me because they thought I was making a point like I was dismissing the threat of fascism. They were like, how do you, you know, real Nazis there and when you draw swastika you should go to jail. And I wanted to comment, like, I agree with you. I wasn't like making, I'm just making fun of it. I'm not. But people never understand. I know. You know what I just making fun of it. I'm not but people never understand

I know you know what I mean you also that's the thing I think you have to take from it is like sometimes the thing is just funny. Yeah, it's just like a roast joke You know it's like I'm roasting Germany. It's not like I believe it. You know yeah, they're they roasted my people I can roll them a little What's a sex club in Berlin it was wild what as a city? It's kind of drab and it's fun But it's kind of like gray and weird audiences were very good audiences are great Yeah, they're great. Yeah, but the sex club was wild was it like pretty intense. It was intense

Yeah, when I banged the wife in the club that was cool Really I tapped on my shoulder and goes me next and I was like And then a guy on my left was jerking off next to me which was kind of flattering What she say me next to like you were a gay in this way filing the nails like Where's the part either like where's the party that's a get-together yeah I did this I did this there was a it was a big big room And they do because the sound was great right? But what they do is when they clap or they're laughing really hard at something they all do that on the floor

And no one told me this so halfway through I started thing like is there an earthquake? Experiencing am I having a stroke right now trying to get out Me next is such a funny thing. It's so funny that like you're that you know it's like childlike it's like yeah Can I have can I have cookie too? Like that is the most appropriate place to ask you know Like how do you take me for? And they're like well you're not using it right now Can I just bust in on your wife please? I brushed quick, because I didn't want her to be like, yeah, I'll take her.

I think you're technically being a little selfish, honestly. Yeah, I guess so. Well, I married her, I gotta do all the other stuff. You can't just go to a club and have monogamous sex. That's like- It is crazy. Oh yeah. You know what?

You're being rude. I guess you're right. You weren't appreciating other cultures. Good point. Sorry, I'll go back and I'll let you, I'll horror out. You a handsome guy? He was pretty good, yeah. He was hot. Was his dick out? Other cultures good point He was pretty good, yeah No, thank God

You're not waiting time for her to answer so funny. No, I can't be next of course not the runaway Let's feel this Yeah, I was in Germany during kovat and it was it was tough because I was in Germany during COVID and it was tough because I was with Louis on the tour. It was, I don't know, it was not like- Oh, like 2021. Yeah, yeah, not the- That tour when he was in Italy, I was having lunch with my friend Francesco de Carlo and I go, who opened for him? And he goes, a black guy with a stroke. That was me, that was me. I was doing blackface and I was nervous.

I love that Louis was in Kiev the week they got. Well he was about to get. No I know but my friend was like, you think he's gonna cancel? I was like, yeah. He's gonna do the show. He wasn't prepared, he wasn't canceling until the last minute.

That's insane. Cause I think like, I think no other comedian had like performed there. So it was like a man on the moon. It was like a new territory for the comedian. Whoa. But then the day before he was gonna go, the war broke out.

It was literally the day before. It was like Apollo 13 made on the moon. He didn't make it. Yeah. Yeah. That was like Apollo 13 man Those like me I just performed in Madrid, and they don't have a lot of American comics there So I performed where the Lion King happens Sort of I was doing a show with like Nala yeah

Like Lion King stuff everywhere. Oh, that's not it's a kind of fun. Yeah, and they were the best audience Madrid really yeah They were great. I was the most nervous for them because I was like oh, I wonder if they're like gonna come like the Germans You know they speak enough English sure you know I felt like they didn't know they were good in Madrid But I felt like there was like pause where they're like translating it a little new tattoo. Yes I got storm from the X. I think I saw and the voice who does storm sent me a message I Cried I was like oh my god She's so she's from the original and she's back to do because the new one I thought was really good really really good

I thought it was like Halle Berry or someone isn't it? No It's an animated show I'm imagining I was like I don't remember her name, but X-Men it's called x-men 97. Yes Seven I have to say I wrecked it. I do Rex we do Rex every week. It's really really is good. They did a great job I feel so homesick. It's Allison. That's the voice of Storm. I'm with you. You uh So how did she see this? So I posted online that I got a new tattoo and I put up Storm and then she sent me a voice message or a video

message with my picture of the tattoo saying, you know, I heard the Mr. South of the Elements loves it too and thanks for making us laugh. Can we pull this up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's on my Instagram. And then I was messaging her. Gay dudes love Storm. Love.

My guess is it's because she's big and she's dramatic. Yeah. Of all the powers, you know what I mean? Like Yeah, Wolverine's aggressive, but she's like winds rise You'd think it'd be a Jewish thing cuz of the controlling weather Mistress of the elements Yeah, we were messaging each other And I have a torn, delicate authority that the mistress of the elements herself holds so hard to include. Oh yeah.

Keep doing what you're doing. Make us smile, make us laugh. I love that. I cried. Dude. And she said to me, my publicist is a gay guy. She goes, my publicist is a gay guy. And so he's a big fan of yours, so he saw it.

I was like, thank God for this. It was all Canadian voice actors in the 90s because they wouldn't pay shit right and they went to Canada So now but they brought them all back and Sailor Moon as well because you could hear the Canadian accent when they're talking I don't know this gay stuff X-Men. I don't know You're wearing a crown right now What you don't watch any superhero stuff when you were a kid No, I watch Batman movies. I like that. Well. I love an ivy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I love poison I love you like poison ivy. Yeah, I love the first you know the first couple bad

I loved the poison ivy movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger with ermine who met ermine become first of all it's schlock It's campy. It's campy. It's terrible the poison ivy movie. That's the most important Can't be here the poison I agree movie. That's the most important Is it Joel Schumacher Schumacher and this movie you find out now that like like Arnold didn't even show up for anything He just when it was like the close-up scenes, but he just had a body double do everything He got billed first before George Clooney Chill out what killed the ice age Joel Schumacher yeah, don't you my hair right?

He well gay as one of the So my friend my friend Dana Gould told me they had dinner together one night there was like a big dinner, and he asked him about casting Val Kilmer and Batman forever, and he goes he immediately just went, you know why I casted him? His lips. Like that's a pretty gay reason to cast Batman. All right, this scene will explain it. Can you type Poison Ivy Batman Robin movie

cause there's a scene, her entrance scene. It is literally like. She was hot as hell in there. Oh, she's gorgeous. Oh, yeah. She's gorgeous but I mean, this is the gayest scene. Maybe the worst Batman movie ever.

Easily. Let me see which one. Cause the Nolan ones are incredible. He did yeah, I think it's a we go from No, she was a fox and she was the only one that really understood what she was doing in that movie like as a character She played it up the way. I think it was meant to be played George Clooney was taking it very seriously Yeah, Arnold Schwarzenegger was in his trailer fucking who knows You know they're all in a very seriously. Yeah, Arnold Schwarzenegger was in his trailer fucking who knows you know they're all in a different movie Yeah, keep keep keep you know if you're like could have that one the pink one He could have been a good Batman. Yeah, it was a dip. It was a different type of movie He just doesn't seem torture George Clooney hmm right they didn't quite and then oh, what's her name was in it?

Looks like a lion king this is crazy Alicia Silverstone. This looks like Lion King, this is crazy. This is where I was performing in Madrid. Yeah, this is pretty gay. This is gay, but then the muscular man come out. They had the nipples on the suit. Oh, that's right. He's so hot.

Everyone's hot. But she, I mean, she knew what she was doing in this role, Uma Thurman. Oh yeah. She looks great with red hair. She's underrated, I feel. I agree, I agree. I mean, not by me, but I know what you mean.

But like, Kill Bill is like, does it get any cooler than that movie? No. And fucking both fiction? Oh, this is a block. Oh, Just You Wait, Mark. It gets even gayer. So now we've got all the hot muscular, steroid men coming out. The great tagline, Just You Wait, it gets even gayer.

Just You Wait. Is that even my book? Oh, damn. I'm getting choked up. Jeez, yeah. I should be there for Halloween. Yes. She's not underrated by my dick. Wait, wait, wait, this is it.

She falls into a bunch of hot men. Oh my god. This is Joel Schumacher. This looks like Moulin Rouge. This is Joel Schumacher. Yeah, this is his fantasy. This looks like Mulan Ruge. This is crazy. It does. She's 6'1". Like a Baji Alhambra. Is she really? Yeah. Really? Pull it up. I know heights. Oh, this is getting gay or in-game. The audience. Ahhhhh! Yeah. It's like The Simpsons. Right.

It's Johnny Andrews. Can we play any of this mad on the do? Did she ever go nude? Did she do a Playboy? Oh yeah. Really? She was nude in, I can tell you exactly. Pull it up. She was nude in Dangerous Liaisons.

Thank you. Do your worst, Beaters. And, uh... And you are? She was nude in something else, too. She shows her tits in Dangerous Liaons. Oh all right. I believe when I Yes, I'm gonna D gay a little we've gone so far. I mean look around I know you don't speak for the whole gay community, but it's Batman and Robin like like actually liked in the gay community

Or oh yeah, I cans Yeah, I think all superheroes kind of are mean But I don't that that's not that like the distinction between gay or straight really but gays tend to in my opinion They tend to sort of lean towards the villains which a little more queer coded Because you get people who are sort of the in-between they're not really the Riddler the Riddler Yeah, the sort of misunderstood in between sort of outsider That's why gays love Disney villains, Maleficent and Jafar and Ursula and all that stuff.

Because it was honestly, I related more to like a horned bitch than I did like, I don't know, some prince on a horse. Right. Well, what's her name? Yeah, Ursula is so clear. Well, she was based after Divine, the drag queen. Oh, was she really? Yeah.

You know, originally it was going to be Elaine Stritch. No, it was originally supposed to be Bea Arthur. Oh, really? really yes and be Arthur was originally supposed to be Elaine stretch on the golden girls Elaine stretch fucking but I do think Elaine stretch at one point was gonna be in Little Mermaid and dropped out I'm pretty sure was I'm almost positive was be Arthur be and then they replaced her with uh What's the name? Who's amazing? I mean she's amazing doesn't when he look like if she had a voice who would be Elaine stretch Yes, and the attitude there are a lot of jui villains to gargamel wait who's gargamel? Oh the Smurfs? I never watched the Smurfs what it must have just yeah, I wasn't my past me I did watch it, but I don't remember I watched when I was five

I remember I told someone in kindergarten watching I was watching Pat Carroll. That's it Yeah, that's a great name Pat Carroll. Yeah Gargamel who else is Jewish villain penguin Batman He's eating a lot of fish Like cold fish look at that is Gargabelle. Yeah, he's a little job on She they're all kind of gay to like oh are oh Jeff are very gay far is so gay Yeah, they're like I want the woman like do you? I have I had a joke about a scar because these things that song called be prepared. I'm like it's about douche Go that's Ari Shafir Planted on Rufin Burt

It's true the village always gay cuz they never want to fuck the woman. They're always just trapping her It's all like true completely non-sexual. Oh, yeah. Yeah, look at the see they got the nose thing going well I will say Maleficent is a she's outside of the horns and the gray skin. She's very pretty I like how some of these Angelina was wasn't it yeah, that's right. Not that version version Angelina Jolie it's enough. She's we're talking like I like how they're just women ever her prime top five all Okay, she's a woman of all time. I would say she's in the convo. I think Halle Berry is she's gorgeous Yeah, this is more interesting looking I think then Halle Berry is like's gorgeous. Yeah, this is more interesting looking

I think then Halle Berry is like a classic good-looking lady look at that. That's a crazy bug sexy dude. Come on. I'd put a Natalie Portman in there I mean, they're stunning, but I gotta go classic to like classic you read a Hayworth I would say young Sophia Loren or Halle Berry to me. Sing it sister. Or like this number. Young Vivica A. Fox was pretty fucking hot. Yeah she was beautiful. I'd probably go with Nellie Portman. Her role in Independence Day 2 is hysterical. There's two of those? Yeah. Oh the second one is schlock. There's something so insulting about the casting of the second movie which is that in the first, the little girl, the president's daughter,

the actress ended up being a very successful actress named Mae, she was the one who directed development. Maybe. No, the one who was like, what's his name? Anne? Yeah, the playing girl. And she was in the Duff, she became, but they replaced her for the second movie,

they got this other actress who's just more attractive. Even though that girl grown up to become like a very successful actress. Wait, we should look up, cause I'm curious what you guys think about this. Look up Mae West on YouTube, Mae West's musical. When she was in her late 70s, this is very Joe Biden-esque, she, they did this musical with her,

she's playing a 21 year old, but she's in her 70s. And if you scroll down a little bit, it's a it's she's in a bluish. You'll see she's that one. This Timothy Dalton. This is the most fucking weird thing you'll ever. She's playing a 21 year old. Oh, come on. Don't worry, honey. I'll rub you the right way. She's playing a 21 year old. Oh, come on. That's horrible acting.

Oh, this is horrible. This is amazing. This is what gays love. Really? Yeah. Stop. Mmm, stop. Oh god, this is so un-bad. Where's the talent? Whatever.

It's fucking bad. Look at her walk away watch. This is horrible. He was Bond. He was hot. Who is that? Kimmy Dalton. He was James Bond. Yeah, one of them, right?

He looks like James Bond. But if you want to ask what a gay meant, like when Republicans are like gay agenda, it's pretty much This is the gay agenda. I've talked about it a million times We're like you've seen Brando and in guys and dolls sing luck be a lady. It's so bad. It's good pull this up, dude Just get Brando luck be a lady. Why wouldn't they replace his voice? Because because he was dude by the way the best part of this is that he gets fucking the lead over Sinatra

Who's in the movie Sinatra is Nathan Detroit this guy gets the main? Lead and Brando can't fucking sing, but he's so confident that no one gave a shit And it's actually like when did he stop caring in his career? When do we think it just kind of goes back and forth right kind of cares doesn't care than cares again Yeah, when he got father he was just reading the lines off people's chest Yes, exactly that Godfather. Yeah, we did it for Superman and all that he's looking at this like yeah go there He look great It sounds like a comedian doing an impression yes, what if Marlon Brando was a guy's about

So yeah, he's hot as fuck. This is right before he like, I would say lost the book. Yes, yes. This is where it gets bad. Not be a lady tonight. She's just talking to him. It's like if Nicholson was in it. He's like, lucky.

He's really acting it. That's what he does. But he's still awesome in it. But it's like ridiculous. He's got the wide, wiggly jaw, left and right thing going. And the horns are working over his eyes. Also, is he on the set of the original Batman movie? Like, where is he?

Is this Mario Brothers? The big pipe? It's not awful, but it's Ridiculous better than Russell Crowe and lady that one that's like Dylan now. We're like yeah other guys die Keep this party polite Russell Crowe like destroys the songs that movie. Oh my god. Are you talking about? awful Oh my god, are you talking about? awful stars Song I sing stars. It's the best song ever we gotta watch Russell Crust are the weird thing is like these are like

world-class actors like Russell Crowe Marlon Brando like but yeah, but it's like Show singing I always say it I was like people we need names I'm like, okay, well, that's like getting Taylor Swift to be a quarterback like right right right you know What's the skill you have singing is such a difficult skill at least be able to sing a little? Yeah, I mean sometimes said he'd rather a good actor Who's a decent singer always upset? What does he know what is Stephen Sondheim? I'm the straight guy who's got a fucking do I love son. Are you kidding my hero?

Who let this happen There we go. That was such a big moment. What do you do if you're a director on this and that happens? No, you take your check. But at what point do they, why do they let this happen? I think they lowered the key. It's just to be counted, filling the darkness. It's ruined the song. Yeah, like fall, that's a big moment.

Yes, you're right, it's supposed to be like, you know. It's so operatic, this is like. The thing with singing, and I'm sure your fans will love that I'm getting into this, but whatever. I just, you use different textures in singing to create different emotion, right? So in that moment when he's like, and if they fall, you know, you're supposed to go from quiet to loud right yeah he's going and

if they fall yeah it's not a crescendo flame the song the flame the song the beauty of Les Mis it has the best crescendos of any musical and it ruins that release completely. Yeah, but you just did it I got fucking hard the way you do My chocolate dick still hard, so I've got everyone hard One of my favorite songs happy birthday, by the way Yes, stars is that your favorite lady miss song I guess yeah for sure I love that it's my favorite because I used to sing it's like perfectly in my range It's a per. It's a great. It's a great great. Come on. What about master of the house?

That's a good one. I love odd my I love all my do you hear the people sing singing the song of a well Why are they British? Like what back then just made any other Talking more France, you know, he's a bit of a francaise British just sounds better for that It makes sense. We are here in Not she's all had British accents yeah, but Romans had British yeah like Star Wars the Empire had it for like

By the way is brilliant Which full drinking which full drinking I should talk about her accent. She's awesome. She's hilarious Jericho really she is from beginning to end. She's a comedian the book funny from beginning to end She doesn't let you get serious about anything. She makes fun of herself. I'm gonna pick, is that a wreck? Yes, a huge wreck. I'm gonna pick it up. Your personality is so beyond those performances

that she did in the, you know. Yeah, totally. She's a great. At one point she's being interviewed and they're like. Which book is the one that's. Wishful drinking. Wishful drinking. Which is solo show.

At one point, yeah she did a solo show about it. At one point someone asked her in an interview the like Carrie Fisher This one movie blah blah blah, and she goes which movie and they said it she goes I don't remember a day of shooting high as hell on that Good for her. Yes, she's really funny. She's Debbie Reynolds kid. Yeah talks all about her mom I'm not at the same like she's died 24 hours. Yeah, what yeah, her mom. They both died at the same, like she died like. 24 hours each other. What? Yeah.

She died and then Debbie, she. Carrie died and then Debbie had to outshine her. Yeah, yeah. She's deaf. That's what happens with two divas. That's so true. But even Debbie was funny. You watch interviews with her, she's also very funny.

They're very self-aware. Yeah. You know. Wow, good for the end. They said she never had a, never won a scene without a cigarette and a Coke in Star Wars. Yeah, she loved Coke, she drank Coke. Wait, like, never won a scene.

Never like, never did have one. I could use a fucking smoke, man. You know what I just found about Pavarotti? Is that Pavarotti, they had to sew extra pockets into his shirts because when he would leave the stage, they would have chicken wings waiting for him And he would eat them and put the bones in the pockets. I'm not like trash That's like a Simpsons. I love that

Great that's amazing. You love Cracker Barrel. I love like areas. Yeah reason why Legendary power Luchina their bones and it stashes of pasta with The reason why Legendary Power of Luciano Pallorotti has secret stashes of pasta with him during performance is true. It is true. It was hard to be fat back then. You had to work at it. You have to watch reactions.

I hate reaction videos. They're so annoying. But singing reaction videos I like. And they have a compilation of people watching Pavarotti. And every time he sings, they cry. Wow. They just start weeping. People who have never seen it before, they're like, oh.

Quite the womanizer, too. I watched his documentary. He did very well. He's a piece of shit I know but he was fat as shit was still getting like super had wife had kids and then another woman had more kids at this I just did whatever he wants. I never think about like I mean, I know singing can be sexy But I never think of him bellowing and women being like, oh Yeah, you hit a high C women being like, getting me wet. Really? They're going nuts, oh yeah.

You hit a high C. Yeah. They'll come, they'll come. Did you all see Sondheim's Marilee roll along on Broadway? Oh, it was incredible. Sondheim did Ascendin' the Clowns, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's from Little Night Music.

Yes, and the original singer was in, what's her name? She was in Mary Poppins Cast Off the Shackles of Yesterday. What was her name? Anyways, the song was met a merman no no I love that for her. I love that. She's an airplane Airplane and naked gunner too with like the just great is ever like What is really over air player wait what's a hundred? What's the funniest? Naked gun oh What is really over air player? Wait? What's a hundred? What's the funniest? We lost a naked gun. Oh

It's funny. Yeah, because Leslie Nielsen is the funniest part of airplane and he's in moat all of naked gun Really? It's the funniest part airplane. He's like ten minutes of it, but he's the best part Oh talking jive the Jewish sports pan. There's a lot of the autopilot. I like when they scream and the woman just goes like that There's something about Leslie Nielsen like everyone else in the movies just deadpan, but there's something about Leslie Nielsen's deadpan That's like no way stop calling me surely yeah, so didn't get a naked gun the whole time sure Okay, what is a in the guy and he and he and the and then it goes the money goes back and forth That's amazing. I mean that that's like oh, that's great He's like where why should I tell you and then the guy he's questioning starts giving him back the money Yeah, that's fucking gold. It's like a Castello shit. It's also like oh, sorry

I was gonna say if you had to pick the funniest movie of all time. What is it now? That's a question I think naked gun. I would say waiting for guffman. Oh Make sure Catherine are here. We talking objectively or what makes you laugh? What makes me laugh? Between me it's Naked Gunner and Big Lebowski. Oh, interesting. Lebowski makes me laugh, but honestly, you know what makes me fucking die? MacGruber kills me.

Oh, MacGruber's fun. MacGruber just like, it just tickles me, man. He's just so good. Yeah. That abortion part's, yeah. That abortion part kills me. It's fucking, we did that on the tour bus last year and Gary Veeder, I've never seen him laugh

as hard in my life as during the abortion, where he describes making the woman, he's like, I don't know why this guy hates me. And then it describes him making him get the woman he loved in abortion and he says it sincerely and it's like. And the van blowing up is legitimately shocking like it's actually like pretty shocking I would say dumb and dumber is up though. We're just going

It's a lot out funny, but the most I've ever laughed at a movie is Windy City Heat have you ever seen it? What I'm gonna watch the whole movie is one long prank, so it's real It's a real so it's even funnier because it's really happening they pranked this guy named Scary Perry who's like a Brooklyn mook, Italian dude, he's homophobic, he's just like a womanizer weirdo and they just prank him. They tell him, you're going to be a big star, we're going to put you in this movie and it's all a fake movie. So he thinks he's in this movie and they keep putting like, all right, you're going to kiss the girl in this scene.

Oh, the girl's out of town so we got this guy to stand in. He's like, I'm not kissing that fucking guy. You got to see it. It's incredible. Wait. They're pranking him the whole time. I heard from many people This is like one of the funniest movies ever fall down funny because it's really happening like this guy is freaking out the whole time And they keep fucking with him. It's you know what makes me laugh so fucking hard is Not a movie, but anytime I watch like Nathan for you. I'm like oh, yeah, that's a great show I'm that's like that gets me laugh out loud killer I still watch the golden girls golden girls has a lot of jokes and it's so Mitchell Hurwitz rest development Yeah, was that right? I think he was one of the main writers if not the Rider it's my favorite golden girls line is be Arthur goes Blanche. I'm bowing your earrings

I have a date tonight with a man. No rose a Venus flight I have to head out in like ten minutes. I'm sorry. Oh, I get some dates man. Oh, okay I'm on tour the can't stop talking tour Can I just read where I'm gonna be okay? Oh great so tour dates. I will be Whoo, okay, I will be in West okay I'll be in West Hampton August 3rd, Winnipeg August 8th Chicago doing a live podcast Provincetown August 30th, and then a great room I I'll just read off. I'll read off the Lauderdale

Atlanta Cincinnati yes, Atlanta Cincinnati Cleveland Pittsburgh Milwaukee Durham North, Albuquerque, Dallas, Phoenix, Salt Lake City, Richmond, San Francisco, Sacramento. And if you want to get tickets, go to MateoLaneComedy.com. And I have a new advice special I put out a month ago on YouTube. So MateoLaneComedyo Lane comedy YouTube calm so much content I got a hand at you really pump it out. Thanks. I'm tired. Yeah Run on Hirschberg's got a great new special out called brave on YouTube so check that out

Yeah, yeah, the clips are great. Oh Ron and kind of pumps out hours every five minutes. That's true. Thank you killer material dude It's kind of true not having a life can really do it watch it now. That's true. Killer material, dude. It's kind of true. Not having a life can really. Watch it now. It's on YouTube. It's terrific. Watch my special. Follow me on Instagram, Ronon Comedy, R-A-A-N-N Comedy. But mostly just watch my special.

Yes. It just came out. Check it out, folks, on YouTube. I got a new special. Oh, I'm sorry, new dates? Ronon, dates? Oh. Um. special oh dear I'm sorry we new dates Rana dates oh um going after Mateo this is like someone just took out a bigger dick in there go to Ron's website. You already brought the cake up. I have a couple dates but I'm taking a break to

film a movie this year. Whoa! Oh my god congratulations! We raised like 35,000 it's it's only 25 minutes but it's just really why are you talking down be proud of this? That's amazing. Yeah, I'm filming that in August. So I'm just focusing on that. All right for that I love it on the roof. Yeah, I got a new special out on Tuesday So it's it's called you've changed on prime video Amazon. I hope you hope you enjoyed. I hope you watch it tell your friends Amazon you've changed Samarail comedy special you watch it, tell your friends. Amazon, you've changed, Samaril, Comedy Special, and I'm all over the road. I got, you know, I'm doing Hammond, Indiana

with Chrissy D. Whoa! Chrissy D. Chrissy D and Neemash is doing that date too, and then I'm in Miami, fucking Prior Lake, Minnesota. Whoo! What else? Oh, Baltimore. Baltimore. August 15th through 17th. He gets a hi to Kevin 15th. I'll say what's up Space Dog come through

you're the man. We got New Brunswick New Jersey in August 22nd through 24th. Niagara Falls. That's what Chrissy. Yeah. Oh London. Yeah and then I'm hitting Europe. Dublin. Have you been to Ireland before? It's amazing. I have. I was in Denmark. Yeah we got London. Yeah, and then I'm hitting Europe. Oh, Dublin. Have you been to Ireland before? It's amazing. I have. I was in Denmark. Yeah, we got London, September 18, and Belfast. Dublin.

Oh, the Apollo Theater in France is great. I can't wait. That's going to be great. And the Mervart. That's great, too. Amsterdam, we added a second show, baby. So I'm doing two there, baby. Copenhagen, baby.

Who am I? Oslo, Stockholm. The wine's hidden me. Stockholm, and follow us on punchup.live slash samorail, punchup.live slash mark norman, everyone's on punchup. You got that right. Mark, what do you got?

Happy New Year. Shit out of me. Hey, punchup live, I'll be in, when does this come out? Sunday. It didn't work. I'll be in Sioux Falls, Dakota Cedar Rapids Rockford Illinois by the way you know she's old she's not here in this shit Richmond Virginia

Greensboro North Carolina Anaheim Thousand Oaks Redding PA Reed Red Bank New Jersey Colorado Springs Fort Collins st. Louis Missouri Atlanta Georgia Orlando Florida Fort Lauderdale, Portland, Oregon, and Toronto, Newport, come on out, say hello, queef it up, oh, you got a new podcast with Chris Dean. Oh, Chris DeStefano and I have a new podcast called Teach Me Daddy, and I have another podcast with Nick Smith called I Never Liked You.

The clips I've seen are hilarious, and by the way, Burdega Cat Whiskey is at the Comedy Cellar, it's at the stand, it's going to be at New York Comedy Club soon. It's all over the country right now. And it is the premier, it's the old fashioned. You order an old fashioned, the Comedy Cellar right now. It's with Bodega Cat Rye.

Work. And you can go to any of the rooms at the cellar, the Fat Black, the Village Underground, the Olive Tree, anything, and you can get yourself a fucking Bodega Cat Whiskey. Say hi to Averyvery the hottest bartender alive And makes the best dirty martini in New York City baby. Love those fuck Avery you make the best dirty martinis Dan Hall I love you too you make good ones too, but

But by the way fucking you get a strip house dirty martini with those fucking blue cheese Oh fucking I'm don't dick cake and that I I'll come. Anyway, you guys are the best, we love you. Watch Matteo's Advice Special, see these guys on tour, watch Ronan's new special, Brave. Brave on YouTube. Keep listening, we love you guys. Yeah, happy Ford. Happy Ford.

Sunday's the day for my next offender. I've been a Peaver Reck, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans

This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true