We Might Be Drunk - Ep 192 - The Nortons (Jim & Nikki Norton)

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

Just a bunch of dicks hanging out on this episode of We Might Be Drunk with Jim Norton and Nikki Norton. Buckle up and get ready for a great episode with a lot of laughs. This episode is sponsored by FUM Support the show and get a free gift with your Journey Pack. Head to https://www.tryfum.com/DRUNK and use code DRUNK Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD March: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Jim Norton: YouTube Channel:  @NikkiandJimNYC  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jimnorton/?hl=en Website/Tour: https://www.jimnorton.com/ Nikki Norton: YouTube Channel:  @NikkiandJimNYC  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/msnikkinorton/?hl=en Sam Morril: YouTube Channel:  @sammorril  Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel:  @marknormand  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/  @GothamProductionStudios  Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/?hl=en 

Hey, hey folks, here we are! We might be drunk, we got a hot show, we got Jim and Nicky, how the hell are you? Hey, hi. Alright. Now does that lead into an intro or are you actually asking? I'm asking! Oh sorry, that was awful, with the two duds we are. Ah good, I'm really good. I love how you look.

Thank you, thank you. You're the one. Unlike my wife. Yeah, no, the sweater is nice. You're just gonna move into someone's apartment and stay there. I'm here with Mrs. Dog. Yes.

Winnie, this is Winnie. Winnie, she is so cute. I wanna bring her home. Oh, look at her, she's getting angry right now. Oh, I hope she bites you. Do you know how happy that would make me? She might. She attacked Ari Shafir pretty badly.

Did she really? Yeah, she saw his act. But I feel like I have an animal spirit. I can talk to the animals. Oh, really? Well. Yeah. He came mooing along.

Yeah. Yes, I had to do a calling, cow calling. All right, you got mooing Don't explain it. They got it. It's called killing in Norwegian. Well. He likes to get milked You ever watch milking video porn sure on the massage table Yes, of course pretty hot with the the ladies under it with the whole we had a threesome He would be bukkake man, but I'm not allowing I don't think we should do a threesome yet. No, I don't wanna. You know, he probably would want more trans girls.

I would like that at all. Right, you'd wanna be the only one. Strictly men. Oh, okay. Yeah, but we're not gonna have a threesome. But I do like the milking. Wow, look at those purple balls, Jesus. I was looking at the tits, but that's.

Oh, right, that's true, yeah. Good point. Wow, look at those big fat heavy balls Would wake up and be here and don't watch balls yeah Nice yeah, I wish working to give them the edit out of YouTube people here. They don't you show them the same thing sure Pulled up. He's a pervert. Yeah look at him Same thing sure He's a pervert yeah, look at him Yeah, that's that's a fucking that's a van in a front of a school mustache. Oh, yeah, just look like Ron Jeremy. I live it

He's going to jail for rape. Oh Ron's like going to jail. He's like No, he was he's got dementia. He's so fucked up. He's like literally it's not faking it They could they couldn't he couldn't stand trial what yeah, yeah That'd be great if it ended like primal fear though, and it turned out he was I just faked the whole thing yeah Sorry remember when he was at our show at the cellar and he was passed out during the set yeah He liked comedy yeah, he did Ron Jarman Comedy no

I learned about him when I was 12 Age to find out yeah Jeremy the hedgehog. I think he did actually do comedy. I didn't yeah at one point I think he looks like he would yeah, I think at one point he did stand up He did love comedy and he would always like he would always like he would Text me or he's always asking for like money or asking for weird. If she didn't, if he didn't have a big dick, would he be big in porn you think? No. No.

No, he's all the dawn. But he still had personality. That's true. How many porn stars do you know that are personality driven? I can't get it up, but man, what a hilarious guy. He's charming. I think he's Jewish.

Yes he is. Okay. If this is bad, I guy. He's charming. I think he's Jewish. Yes, he is. Okay. If this is bad, I apologize. What? The champagne. Oh, champagne. Yeah, no. No bubbles in that thing.

It's good? Very good. All right. Yeah. No, I don't. You're dry, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How long?

February 1st of 87. Wow! That's amazing. Yes, and every person that I know through gym who happens to be a comedian, they don't drink. They're all in a day. Yeah, that's true. There, and every person that I know through gym who happens to be a comedian, they don't drink. They're all in AA. Yeah, that's true.

There's a lot of that now. It's very nice when I meet people who don't, are not in AA. Yeah, you meet fellow addicts. Then I can relax and enjoy life. Yeah. And life is a little dictionary, if that makes sense. Agreed. You are supposed to take some risks.

Yes. Here, here. Sing it, sister. Yeah. You guys, did you guys meet during COVID or? Oh no. No, it was way before that, right? Cause I remember like.

Oh. What do you got here? Is it bad? It's like old Mots, apple juice. I love it. Yeah, that's all right. No, we met years before COVID. We lived together in COVID.

That's right. It was fucking. We fucking talking online and I was No, she actually messaged me on Facebook Because she saw me do an interview that she liked when I said about trans people just sent me a message No, but I did webcamming. Yeah, I found that out right after it. It's good though. You get to see like all right I like this person Let me watch them helicopter the dick and just see if we get along like, all right, I like this person. Let me watch them helicopter the deck

and just see if we get along. I'm very proud to have done the type of work that I've done though. At 18, the first day I turned 18, I sent in my path port, all my information, and I feel very proud to have done web camming. Yes. Because it made my life and it created my life.

Sure. And I could be on my own and pay my own bills. It's gotta be a good moolah. Yes. Web camming, I mean I've donated quite a bit. Oh yeah, me too. I put a lot of this across to college. So you got to see the webcam after meeting. No, I mean after talking a little bit. After talking. Yeah, I mean long, we didn't meet for seven months. Well I didn't know that he was a comedian. I didn't really understand what that was.

So I just checked his Wikipedia and I'm like, oh well at least he's got a Wikipedia. So there's gotta be something here. Right. It's the worst being married to her as a comic because she never laughs at jokes. It's like always like answers like literally. Isn't that like a Norwegian thing?

Yes, they're all on the spectrum. The whole time. But she laughed at that. Yes. But not a comic. No't that like a Norwegian thing? Yes, yeah they're all on the spectrum. The whole behind the scenes. But she laughed at that. Yes. But not a comedy. No, I like real jokes. When I watch someone do material, I convey it as for me, it's not a real joke.

Because I'm hearing the material through the lines. So then I tap out. Got it. That's why I like Sandy Kane, when she does comedy. Oh, love Sandy Kane. She's like fuck you man, and she's just in her spirit. Totally. Do you know Sandy Kane when she knows comedy. She's like, fuck you, man. And she's just in her spirit. Totally. Do you know Sandy Kane?

Pull her up. I mean, ONA statement. I love Sandy Kane. Yeah, but if you see Sandy Kane and you're like, that's my wife's favorite comedian, you'll know why I'm in fucking hell. Her standup is underrated though. I agree.

It's not. It's rated perfectly. So I did the beacon and we tried to hire her to open. Yeah, why didn't she do it? She said the money was too high. No, no. So I did the beacon and we tried to hire her to open well. Why yeah, why didn't she do it? Too high Yeah, yeah, where could she have been that she couldn't do a gig of that size in a movie Jim Oh, yeah, the floor the Florida project. Yes. Oh, I saw that movie. She shows her tits in it It was a good movie. It was that was great

Yeah, and she fucking I think we had Willem Defoe in one time And he started that and we brought sandy in and it was just very very uncomfortable Yeah, same because she kept bugging him about like I think she you know she wants to do more work with them, and he was Politely kind of fucking brushing it off. Did you hear that william defoe's dick is so big yes They had to get a stunt double for his of his movies because it would be distracting. Yep. Like there's a guy whose job is to just be like, yeah, he's got a medium sized dick. Yeah, that's.

It just comes in. That's where I come in the show business. That's your claim to fame, like you look like Willem Dafoe but you have a small dick. I'll never make this work. It's like, wow, we need you for something. Well Willem Dafoe, you look at him, his skin is so tight, you can kind of tell he's well packin'.

Yeah. Because he looks like a dick. Like he's like, he looks like a penis. Like his whole body. He's meant to be penis. Yes, yes, exactly. You know who's got a big cock? Dafoe, I heard James Woods.

Oh really? You're all, my wife? Yeah. Yeah. I'm the worst. I'm the worst. But no, James Woods has a legendarily fucking giant dick.. I'm very proud to have a penis although I'm a woman. I'm very proud to have a penis. It works and I love my body. Yes well I'll be on the webcam later. Thank you. Yeah I'll send you a link. Send me a link. Have you seen his material about you? No. You've seen some of it? A little bit. That's great. It's really funny. Thank you. Have you seen James?

What's penis? What's that? Have you seen James? What's is that James? What's his dick? Yeah? Let me see I've yeah, it's not a good sign when you say zoom in Let's see that's it. It's just Harry. I can't see that's soft. It's decent. Yeah, see if I can get a better one I'm Harvey. Keitel is all right, and I heard Liam Neeson. Sometimes the guys are like, Keitel is so tiny that you're like, it might not have to be that big to look you.

Right, right, right. Liam Neeson, I'm not surprised, but he's a big, imposing man. Six-five. Six-five. He should have a fucking big dick. You as men need a big dick in your porn to be able to, I prefer it. Like, is it better if it's a big cock?

Yeah, it just reads. Because I'm very cock driven, so for me it's all about the cock. And it is better when there's a huge cock. I like it better, yeah. My girlfriend actually fucked Liam Neeson once. Whoa! That!

Respect, I really respect that. A long time ago she was like, I did fuck Liam Neeson, I was like, and I didn't ask, but it sucks because now when I watch Schindler's List it's even sadder Prick yeah Did she ever date them she just banged him no they went on like three or four they went out a couple of times Yeah, there we go. So it's more than once. Yeah. Yeah, she said just once. Oh really she made him wait

Okay, I respect that I can't see which one is James woods the on the left. It's on the right guy in the far left I literally can't I can't tell me either. This is not very impressive so far. Oh no Yeah, I think I can kind of see it hanging there in the shadow. It's it grainy not bad I think it's a bad quality pick. It's a bad quality phone. This is like we're watching porn from 1980s Old-school very old school This is VHS anyway James was at the big dick Chaplin had a big dick. I heard Charlie Chaplin did Yeah comedian with the biggest cock hands down. I mean we all want to just say our own names like Yeah, the famous joke was like his dick sound display at at the fire's club in the second third and fourth floor

Someone challenged him to a penis contest. He said I'll just pull out enough to win. Yeah Yeah, that's a legend. They all know not a huge cock. Yeah, a cock has to be over seven and a half inches Over seven and a half. I don't care who you are or what you do or how wide it is It's not a big dick. So that's bodes well for you. Well, yeah, just made the cut Jim has a bigger dick than people would think I've seen it. Thank you. Yeah, you showed me when I met you Yeah, it's a decent cock. It's a good cock. Thank you mark very much I have been with bigger dicks than Jim's though. That's always how you want to clarify That's always the best way could have left it off. Just yeah, of course have to throw that in yeah

Yeah, you the compliment, but they're like all kidding aside like you know This is on the lower end of the spectrum. Yeah, but wow who we talking Quinn Colin I want to know Colin probably has a thick juicy cock When he grows out his beard it just kind of grows everywhere like his dick did the same through puberty A thick dick. He's got a big square noggin on exactly. I think he has a fat cock Anyone else hard, I don't know if Colin has a fat. He never struck me I was a good knee neither. No, he struck me as a guy with a thin Irish dick. I like analyzed it.

Yeah, but I think they're wrong. That picture was awesome. It's the best. That is my favorite picture of Colin. Is that Colin? Yeah. He's just somewhere in Brooklyn on pills. Wow.

He looks like a hipster. Yeah. Oh yeah. Park Slope. Yeah, he was a young man then. Yeah, let's see. Yeah, Milton Berle. Milton Chaplin, James Wood.

For comedians Who is a big day's a comic? I know I've heard rumors about guys bird has a big dick Chrysler cry Burt's bulge is not bad. You got a good good. Yeah, Burt's got a pretty good bulge. That's true Oh, Rogan is huge. He's a big dick Another short guy though. Yes, have you seen it you've heard I've seen it and he got out of the ice bath, which is even more impressive Yeah, still see the huge ball that is fucking I have been with a few short guys And they always have big necks yeah, this is true But again it could just look bigger because their little legs are closer to the ground

I'm telling you this thing was a doozy was thicker than his neck, and that's okay All right, well I can't think of any heart, but black guys don't really count Kevin Hart. Yeah Just just cut that part out just have him saying black guys don't count That's the promo for the episode black guys don't count Different podcast he is fucking ripped. Oh, yeah, he's what 60 55 It's like Dana White who's also a common billionaire. They all have this billionaire look. And I think there's three of them now.

It's Matt, Sarah. No, not Matt, Sarah. Matt's not a billionaire. Dana White, and then it's Joe Rogan. Yep. And then it's the Jeff Bezos. Jeff Bezos. Oh yeah. It's Matt, Sarah too. They all look like billionaires. That's interesting. It's that billionaire look.

I really miss my window to play hunter Biden the way oh yeah The way Adam Ray's doing Joe dr. Phil could have cashed in on hunter. Oh Yeah, I think you still probably could I mean I was say you think it's sound a little bit Yeah, you're more of a gatherer Biden You have to so Samarill as any Arabian in you I think I gotta hint the Turkish in me That's like 12% I did I stupidly did that 23 and me and some though you are that's a lot of percent 12 Yeah, significant. What's the rest a lot of Ashkenazi Jew?

I want to do that. What do you guys I'm guess I'm Irish boring. I'm fucking Irish my whole family's from the deep woods of Norway Norwegian that's good. Yeah, very wait. Yeah My grandmother's very interested in genealogy, and I asked her do we at least have a little German and she's like no Completely from the deep woods of Norway the woods of probably some some lumberjack. I hope no incest The woods, so probably some lumberjack. I hope no incest. Yeah? There's probably a little bit back there. I hope not.

I would explain certain things. Yeah, some uncle blowing a kid in a gingerbread house. Yes, you are to have blue eyes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, there's probably a little incest. Look at this though, I heard there's a dating app in Norway that stops you from fucking a cousin. Because there's so much cousin fuck

Is it apt that like has a blocker on I've never heard about this are you actually serious I'm swear to God 23 and me and the dating app linked up. Let's avoid this one It's Icelanders. Oh, sorry, sorry, which is very interesting because I've had topic with so many people like I'm from Norway And I feel like I'm from a secluded country. Imagine the Icelandics. 300,000 people, Norway, five million. It's a huge difference.

Forget about it. If I was an Icelandic person in the big world, I would feel very small. I do believe the incest. Yeah, that's not that many people. Yes, I mean, who else are you gonna fuck? I mean, if I, I would fuck myself. Yeah. What do they look like? Cause we all know Norwegians are tall, blonde, blue-eyed. Yes, I mean who else are you gonna fuck? I mean if I I would fuck myself. Yeah

What do they look like cuz we all know Norwegians are tall blonde blue-eyed what the other Iceland very very Watching this I was watching this Roman Empire doc on Netflix and it was just about Caligula fucking his sisters Oh, yeah, we just bang them all it's like if you're gonna fuck one you may as well fuck off of course I didn't know he had to do Silla's the one who's the big one now He was the only one that was when he loved yeah, but it but you know he had other ones I think she's the only one he knocked up do you knock her up? Yeah? Art a kid maybe his incest tends to lead to that yeah

Helen Mirren was in the original Caligula, and she's topless and she's played as a she looks good. She's look good She was very sexy. Yeah, Helen Mirren in the original Caligula no fives. She does but back then she was like in her 30s Great hands Mirren. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she's got her cans were great for another 40 years or so. Yeah Yeah, she has amazing breasts Hachi machi. I forget who she played in Caligula. It was like Queen whatever whoever he finally married like even back then you couldn't fuck your sister in the open. Oh, is that right? Oh, yeah, I mean it was for even for Caligula They were like just you know keep it under your hat. What is Caligula? Was that Caligula was a Roman Caesar? I believe it was after Tiberius and before like Draculus Augustus

Or no not Augustus before Claudius Mmm, he ruled for four years. I don't understand. Yeah, just four years. I'm four years. Yeah, pretty this murdered Yeah, they were everyone all of them were murdered. He was a but he was us no one grew old and Tiberius got really old and died. I think they say Caligula killed him, but he was in his 70s Oh, yeah, and he was like just most of them died pretty young Yeah, or like I mean Caesar made it even fairly old for like those type a lot of battles at least Julius yeah, yeah a to Brutee Yeah, they were all Caesar's I mean Caligula Caesar

Claudius Caesar, but I think Claudius followed him and Claudius was kind of a dope Yeah, like kind of a controllable idiot. It was collegial It was a fucking psychopath. Hmm. I think it was four years up until like 31 to 27 or 33 to 29 ad I think it might be that those numbers again. I want to see if you're right 33 to 29 You get this it's a well. I'm okay Wow 24 to 41 well. How long did you know no? I'm sorry sorry 37 to 41 37 40 okay,, okay. Good. Yeah, well they say Genghis Khan everyone's like 2% Genghis Khan he raped so many people we all the little Genghis in the little Connie Yeah, he was a marauder

Genghis Khan was a conqueror, and you want to talk big dogs. What was the name of that one guy? No, no he's in the the the museum is dicks in a museum We went to that museum there and you're the giant penis. What's his name? He's a big miss me What is it? Rasputin ah Is he in the Icelandic big dick museum is it was that big? And he wanted to save it like Danny D. We went to the Icelandic big penis museum We're here. We were in Iceland. We did but to the Bobby Fisher Museum. Whoa. Where is that? That is probably his dick. Yeah

That's the one I don't know where that's like an elephant cock. I know I don't even believe is real I don't know I think it's just like pulled apart It's at the museum in St. Petersburg, Russia. Oh, they don't fuck around. Yeah, they probably exaggerated it though. Russian dick. Looks like an elephant cock. It does look like an elephant dick.

That doesn't look normal. It's not a guy's dick. Well, they're really pushing it. I mean, it's on all the brochures and the pamphlets. And you know what? That picture still, I love it. I love her. Yeah, that's hot.

I don't like you. I don't like the fucking Paul Rodriguez looking guy I like what's his asshole do he's just got a goof it up a bit it's not gonna be funny with the big cock of your head that's two dicks looks like Jim every Saturday so what married life I mean now they're married you do not do as many sets? You're not going out? I still see you at the cellar. I do more sets. The more I'm out of the house, the fucking better, yeah.

No, I'm doing two sets a night and I'm on the road. I mean. I have a wonderful life with Jim Norton. Yeah, that's great. Great to be 27 and non-working and making foods and dinners. What do you make? Norwegian salmon. I make Norwegian food salmon but that Norwegian

what's that thing I don't like that you like fresh good it's a delicacy what is it it's like fat bacon but like extra extra thick and you put it on potatoes and cabbage stew oh it's really good and then not pour all the grease from the dish over I love it delicious now I'm in No, I'm in. You wouldn't. But I feel like Jim's a very manic person. So I get to enjoy not the single life, but life of my own when he's working so much. Yeah.

I love that. Yeah, I like it too. We like to get- I can do whatever I want. I can get a credit card. I don't need to work. And I wouldn't have a job. And it's fine that people look down at me

for not wanting to have a societal job. Sorry, I don't want that. and it's fine that people look down at me for not wanting to have a societal job Sorry, I don't want that. I've never wanted that I've been vocal about that since I was 16 and I'm never gonna have a job and be a sheep of society won't do it And if people are going to hate me for that fine, I don't care I have a complete different experience than the average human being everybody everybody watching this But I've not had to have a job and I'm very proud of that. It's one of my greatest accomplishments.

If you're doing half the house stuff, I feel like that's fair. Somebody brings in the money, somebody watches. She does all the house stuff. I really do the house stuff. I do the laundry, I wake up, I do the bed, I do the dinners. This is not just me being on my computer

and kind of doing dinner. Right. I put my heart and soul. All right cool Yeah, she does the wife stuff. I mean, it's trad way. Yeah kind of yeah, Tran why? How do you feel about the kiss posters no, I don't like those but I know that it's just a matter of time until I die and I guarantee if I had a stroke as the ambulance was pulling up, I'd hear crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr art to tip over. Then you can just love it all. Right. Yeah. Well that's kind of what I'm doing with my poster. It's a weird like hoarding obsession. It doesn't mean anything. I'm getting sick of it actually. I don't

hate the posters though. It's a good addiction to have. This could be worse. Bringing in trending hookers. Yeah. One's enough. Well you got some cool stuff on your walls. I mean I've been in your apartment a few times. Just the photos you have, the signatures you have. It's pretty impressive. Thank you, yeah. It's like just again, being single all those years and just like that was the thing I focused on

was getting these things. May I use the restroom? You got a pee? Sure. Go ahead. We have a small bladder. Go ahead. Sure, if you want to use it.

All right. Yeah, you got some great stuff. Yes, and I still, I love it. She hates it. Like I. Yeah, you got some great stuff. Yes, and I still, I love it. She hates it. I know that she hates it, but it is what it is. You get the bedroom and I get the rest of the apartment. Yeah.

I'll put what I want on the walls and you can fucking load the bedroom and we'll get the furniture that you want. But you figured out how to have a traditional thing, but not traditional. Right, exactly. It's pretty good. It's actually the only person I could be married to is her. As much as it seems a little bit weird, like she really is the only person I could have married.

Yeah. Because she has a sense of humor about all of it. And she has actually seen the material and she's never like, oh, don't say that. Don't talk about that. Like not, you could tell by listening. There's nothing I can say that would upset her on stage. She doesn't give a fuck. I love, that's my biggest turn off with a lady.

I can't even be with a woman who gets offended by jokes or like squeamish or like, ugh, and a dick would turn me off. I understand that, that's, it's a tough sell for a lot of guys. Sure, sure. I mean, for me, it was like literally the first thing I saw when I walked through the showroom door.

But for a lot of guys, it's a tough sell. They're like, it's got a cock. I'm like, all right, well, it's not for you. But like somebody who's funny and can bounce back and forth with, that's great. I dated somebody and I was on stage one time and I'm hitting on a woman in the audience, but not really hitting on her, just fucking

doing what you do and she got really angry at me and I'm like, I don't mean it, like that wasn't real. It's a joke. Yeah, I mean I did eventually get caught cheating on her. So she was right, it was a piece of shit. But the fact that she got mad at me for joking, like I just, I can't, I could never have married somebody who would get upset at me for fucking around like that.

Right, right, it's silly. How do you like being married? Well, it's only a year and a half, and the good news is it didn't change that much. Actually, when we got married, I was terrified as any comedian is, but she got calmer. She was like, all right, now that we're married,

I can chill out a little bit. Right. So it made it a lot smoother. Do you guys want kids? Yeah. Wow, you two too? Oh yeah. Ah, Sam?

Yeah, we'll see. Okay, but as a person, you'd like to have them. I think eventually it'd be nice, yeah. Fascinated with that. I mean, there's nothing I want less than a child. Well, here's the thing, I know what you mean, but my friend had kids and he's like, you don't get the full world experience,

full life experience without a kid. And I think when I'm 70, it'd be nice to hang out with some fucking idiot. He might be right, like there's probably something I'm missing by not doing it, but she wants to adopt and I'm like, fucking. You would never do that? I would really have to fucking, I'd rather incubate hornets under my toilet seat

and adopt a fucking child. What would it take for you to adopt a kid? Like there's no way? No, there's nothing on, we're talking about how you want kids and I don't. I wanna adopt. Yeah. You should compromise and adopt like a 17 year old.

You get one year and you're done. No, like a 12 year old. Oh. Girl from China, cause I want two diapers. Well that's too tempting for Jim. You're gonna do diapers probably another 20 years. When you're old. Yes.

Yes. How about you start with a good dog and then you feel it out and you're like, we could get a Korean kid. And I'm gonna get that dog now in two weeks. It's gonna be the same size as this one. Is Winnie? Yes, it's gonna be a toy two weeks. It's gonna be the same size of this one is winning Yes, it's gonna be a toy poodle. It's gonna be adorable I would want a st. Bernard, but Jim doesn't want dogs that I don't want something that shits

I just don't need it like a little dog. I've agreed I don't want a dog, but I'm agreed to a small toy poodle. Yes. I'm already you with a poodle is fucking amazing Yeah, how gay do we have to look? Pretty faggy so if I'm gonna get a small dog it's gonna make me even more feminine faggy if I had a huge dog like a different interest here yeah no one would fuck with me no I know but the problem with a bit you can't get insurance on these these giant like Dobermans or fucking rot wild you can't insure them and really yeah I walk in New York with a toy poodle in Spanish Harlem no one's gonna we live in fucking Gramercy you're not gonna go to Spanish Harlem to walk

the Spanish Harlem yeah well then walk south like go on First Avenue walk the other way don't go to Spanish Harlem well I'll be walking New York and I was planning for it to be a big dog. Alright, well. I'll get a small dog. Well, don't go to Chinatown either. Chinatown is bad. No. But yeah.

No, I would not do, I would do a small dog. I've agreed to that. I've kind of like- Yeah, I'm going to want that dog in a week. You complain and bug me about a dog and I'm like, I kind of agreed, I'll get a fucking dog. I'll do it. On my lady wanted a cat, I was against it, we have a dog and I'm like I kind of agreed I'll get a fucking dog yeah I'll do it my lady wanted a cat I was against it we have a cat I love the cat you love it right I love the cat we were gonna get a naked cat oh a hairless yeah but then I learned you have to put them

in the sink like once or twice a week because they become like a ball sack and oil up and you have to wash and shower them continuously. And we don't need three ball sacks. No. Yeah, third scrotum in the house is not a good. So yeah, a small poodle would be kind of nice. And you can get those things, like you open, it's like a thing of grass you can get. It's like this big, this big,

and you can get them every couple of weeks. Do you think it's weird that I have balls? Like the fact that I'm sitting here, and I know it's in 2024, I do get that. Is everyone like over it? The fact that I'm in a skirt and balls? Yeah, I think we're over it. It's an odd question.

It's not like, oh my God, she's sitting here with a penis, everyone's done with that. I haven't seen your balls yet. I think if they drooped out, I would be like, oh. No, but you still probably feel that the room has balls. Like a character with balls have entered. Yeah, I didn't think about the balls.

That's true, I think about the don. Never thought about the balls. How do you package all that in the panties? No, I don't tuck my dick, I just pull back. Oh, you pull. You put the panty, because I always wear panties, and then you just kind of pull the panty back instead of having like, I would never do tape. they put tape they put baby powder yeah I mean no

I'm not gonna do a whole ordeal just to I'd rather have kind of a bulge than kind of not a bulge and tape and terrible gorilla glue yeah they do weird shit people do weird shit yeah really glue they tape those dicks back it just it's I asked one girl how do you fly and she's like, yeah. Gorilla glue sounds gross. They tape those dicks back, it just, I asked one girl, how do you fly? And she's like, it's uncomfortable. She sits on her dick all the time. But do you think that I'm like less, crazy. Do you think that I'm less of a trans person

if I wanna keep my balls and dick? Or does that make me just as trans? From a man's perspective. I think it's just a different sect of trans. Some people like having no dick, some people want the dick still. I think it's a choice. So it's like different flavors. It's like when you were to animal style

at In-N-Out, you know? Yeah. Mix it up. You mix it up. Yeah. Yeah, but I don't think it matters. No. You know, if you wanna get rid of it, get rid of it. Good. I'd miss you.

Good burgers. Yes. Do you prefer the whole package? 100%. Okay. Oh, 100%, yeah, it doesn't matter. That's part of what attracted you to her. Well, it was not just, like it's one of those things where it's like yeah sex is important

But like I have fun with Nikki like you know I mean it's the whole personality thing and she's the whole thing in the mouth boss included I mean we don't Stuffy sounds adopted kids gonna be fucked yeah Just the conversations at the dinner table over the bacon fat. But it's interesting because we are at a point in the world now where it doesn't matter that much. No, no. I look like what I look like and being in America,

it's great to be trans. No one cares. Do you like being in America? You hear that? I love being in America. Hell yeah. The most blessing, freedom, country to be transgendered to for me.

Thank you. Yes. tell Twitter will you true? And it's what it's also like so it's funny that all of these trans activists are doing rallies and With the megaphone here in America when I where I feel the most liberated and I come from Norway I know that Norway is the best country in the world. No one else has to tell me anything No, but it really is but being trans in America is much better yeah all right why Norway is nice but their fucking airport is from 1951 in the world you can't even go through the airport almost losing all your makeup because they don't have new machines well they have our x-ray machines from 2003 well they missed the dick maybe

they do miss the deck all right so that's good yeah although they don't miss it. They that's a true story when they stop and frisk are going through the x-ray machine Now that you have TSA pre-check a lot of times that doesn't happen because they put you through the other machine But when you were going through the regular machine, they would actually stop her because they would see it I would always have to forcefully feel my deck, but I didn't mind. I just said it's okay. And I tell them I'm transgender. Yeah. And what do they say usually? Just we have to swap you something.

Like they point at my crotch on the X-ray because it's red. So they point at it and I'm like, I'm transgender. It's why there's a penis. Yeah. And what do they do? Woo woo woo! They just, well one woman actually, she was like down on her knees,

and then it turns out to be red, and she's like, what's this? As she's on her knees, and I'm like, oh, I have a penis, I'm transgender, and she just like became really weird. Oh! And she goes right up from her knees, and she's like, hold on, I'm gonna get you someone else and then you orgasm

And I was like oh no, I hope she didn't think that I was fantasizing about getting my dick suck on the floor I was thinking about yeah, she probably didn't go that far Oh my god, I hope it didn't seem like that. I have a dick. Yeah In the world to be honest that I have a deck into it. Yes. It's kind of like a mob feeling It feels more like you happen to have a day. Yes It makes me feel higher than and you get the best of both worlds because you're an attractive Blonde you with a big hog. You kind of got big dick energy and you get the feminine treatment. Thank you.

That's a nice position. I feel like most of my followers have looked at me as a Viking queen and Valkyrie with a penis. There you go. Like Odin. But I couldn't have, I couldn't have married somebody else

that didn't speak English well just because their communication's important. I forget sometimes that it's their second language. We'll argue about something and she'll be like not grabbing a word. I'm like oh fuck, I keep forgetting that it's her second language like we'll argue about something and she'll be like not grabbing a word I'm like oh fuck like I keep forgetting that English is not but it's my English wonderful Good you have learned English very good. I learned it online Yeah, yes, I knew great English before I met Jim. How did you learn it?

I played video games now and you were talking to people on Wow With the insults you fucking tranny. Many insults. Do they know though or you don't tell them? If I'm a tranny. Yeah, like when you're playing, when you're doing video games. Well usually they would know. So you say that word, is it like the N word where you guys are allowed to say it?

No, exactly. And I love that word, I love the tranny word. Do you get offended if other people say it? No, not at all. No, but I really don't, I really don't. I think it's a great word, I love the tranny word. No, you get offended if other people say no No, but I really don't I really don't I think it's a great word. I love the tranny word. I'm here It's a transsexual trans. I just it doesn't feel the same. Yeah, sometimes they'll say I'm a tranny sometimes They'll see I'm trans. It doesn't really matter to me. Yeah, I grew up my nanny was transvestite Yes, what we called it in the 90s. Yeah, I've gotten a lot of pushback Well, there's a difference though. The transvestites are real people there are exactly but they're like you don't say that word anymore

I'm like, well, what do you call them? What if what if it's a guy who just dressed like a woman? That is a transvestite, but it was who doesn't live as a woman who doesn't take harm. Oh, that's a dress that site Thank you We're seeing also seen very many cases now of people who have gone through the whole surgery and billing transgender people for their whole lives But are now that I know coming back to being a boy again. So it's like, is this a mental thing? Is this a diagnosis? Is this something that shouldn't be evaluated by-

How do they come back? De-transition. De-transition and change the gender now to go back from a boy, but they have the vagina, so now it's like a tunnel, and they're still doing the transitioning. Now to go back. Oh no.

But with the wound from the sexual reassignment. One tunnel Jews don't wanna live. Yeah. Yeah. So that's just why I feel like trans people should be okay with being called trans, tranny, transgender. For me I don't have a problem with it. Yeah, you can pick a fish to fry.

Yeah, I don't care. I mean look, it's one of those things where like, if it's gonna get you a lot of shit, am I saying something that I care about, like where that word actually matters, then I'll say it, but it's like the N-word. It's almost like, unless I'm making a point that is so strong that requires that word,

it's not worth the bullshit you hear. No, it's a good, like the N-word, because I do feel. It's not the same-word it's almost like unless I'm making a point that is so strong that requires that where it's not worth No, the bullshit you good the n-word because I do feel it's not the same but like it is my own word tranny in a way There you go. Yeah, I don't see it doesn't offend me. I'm a girl. Do you feel like the media is suppressing some of the detransitioning stuff You know, that's a good question. I feel like they're praising the more than normal transgender people. Well, yeah, I can see that. Are they suppressing detransitioning horror stories? Yes. Probably because it doesn't go to the certain- Well, they make them look all so crazy though. Like I feel like if you do transition, they make them look really nuts.

But maybe it is. I do think that being transgender is a mental thing. And when I lived in Norway, you couldn't just get hormones. If there's a one year test where you have to live as female or opposite for a whole year, and if you don't succeed at, the state's not gonna give you hormones. It's not like that in the United States. I don't know if they're suppressing, I don't know if they're suppressing.

So why shouldn't it be like that? I don't know if they're suppressing, but I don't read that many detransition stories, but I know there are. They're out there are people who do. So maybe they do. That's gotta be brutal. Yeah.

I'm never getting the surgery just because it's like a wound and you have to treat it as a wound. You have to put up the dilator and the pussy every single day. And you don't want that. No. You don't want a fake bed. What would you do if I got a pussy you would leave?

Miss you. No, I mean, look, I would still love you. No matter what you did like that, like it's one of those things where you still love the person, but I mean, I wouldn't wanna be married. I'm also in a situation where like whatever I do, the topic trans is always gonna come up,

but that's just what it is. I'm fine with that. No, but sometimes you do mention it. Like we were just sitting here talking about dogs, and you went, do you mind if I have balls? No, but a lot of people should take it up that way. My balls, the balls, just makes it all very weird. It's lighthearted and fun.

But dogs don't get to choose that they lose their balls. That is a good point. Good point. But they have to or they fuck up the whole house. And they fuck up everything. And just as a woman, think of this dog. I want a male dog because female dogs have periods right and they bleed All over don't think of their fucking they do all kinds of third

I don't want a male dog, but our dog is gonna be a transgender Oh, it's gonna be a male, but it's gonna have a gross name. Oh there you go. It's humiliating keep the balls No, you gotta get rid of she hurt pronoun We got to get rid of the balls, but I do want to do it like I'm gotta get rid of the balls. But I do wanna do it. No, I'm not getting rid of the balls. Yes you are. I'm not gonna have the dog in heat all the time and fucking. I don't want that.

That's true. They're very aggressive. And they're aggressive, right? If they have still a ball. Yeah, yeah. We took the cats out. You did. Oh yeah.

Yeah, you're supposed. Someone with bestiality wouldn't say that. No, but we're not. Take the balls off. We're not filming a fucking porno. We have a dog that we love But I am actually looking forward to getting it. I had said no for years, but I'm like I want it He does calling in right now. They're upset. No, they probably want you to get the balls taken off. Yeah, probably they do

They're like always spay and neuter and get the fucking get the nuts taken easy Bob Barker. Yeah, I know I was his whole thing I really was his whole thing. Yeah, that was a weird little thing you had at the end He's like grabbing the ladies on the ass. Yeah Got the big wheel and he's like by the way cut your dog's dick on yeah Pull that up. Yeah, I miss Bob Barker. I was Barker. Yeah, which I never put together I never did until you just said it either. Sometimes the name is really yeah, it's like Anthony wiener It's all the name. Yeah, Bernie Madoff. Yeah, Bernie Madoff. I never thought never

There it is yep, Bernie Madoff. I never caught that come on. Did you carry keep it going does he say? Question probably not no I know he's like let your dogs fuck you hated Bob Barker He's like let your dogs fuck you hated Bob Barker He must have been a poon hand Bob Barker Fucking those he was fucking one of them they sued to one of the models I think sued cuz Bob boy who's a game show host of the prices right it was fucking one of them And she's like she felt pressured into it or something. Yep. I remember that. I don't know what happened actually with the lawsuit. How about Richard Dawson? He would smooch the shit out of his milk.

Kiss everyone, hello love. Yes. Hello love. Then he blew his brains out. No, that was Ray Combs. Oh, sorry, sorry. Richard Dawson died, but Ray Combs killed himself. Got him. Hung himself, by the way. Whoa! He hung himself, yes.

No, he shot himself. I'm almost positive he hung himself. Am I incorrect about that, Matthew? I might be wrong. No, yeah, he hung himself. Okay, good. No, I think you hung himself my incorrect about that Matthew. I might be wrong Yeah, I am himself. Okay. I think he bashed his head into a wall. No. I understand the feeling being married Wow um did he hang himself or no yeah, yeah, I'm good question Glenn I thought it was a hanging I could be wrong 40 years is not very old No, he was young guy his son was a comic. Yeah, he was I met him. He was a nice guy. Oh, hon

Oh, I'm just thinking of your wife Wait a minute, what do you got here? I'm almost there. Hold on. Yeah, that's a weird Curse to family feud like Louie Anderson had that fucked up thing you hear about that what he was a he's dead now Yeah, he's a closeted gay Yes, and he would he closeted sorry Yeah, cuz he was on like cartoons and fan, okay? I thought everybody knew but so then he was he was hooking up with this guy in Vegas And then the Vegas guy was just some kind of gigolo

You know drifter guy and he would blow him in his van every night after a show and then the guy was like wait You're on TV. You got to give me ten grand. I'm gonna tell the media and he's like, okay, here's ten grand two months later You know what give me another ten grand. I'm telling the media after like four million dollars He eventually was like just tell him and he told the media. What a piece of shit Yeah, what a fucking piece of shit cigar you got but you got to if somebody wants to out you like that You just got the first time go First of all you one person tried that with me with it was just dirty talking and they were like your fantasies I'm like everyone knows I'm like I don't know yeah, this is yours. I was single

I'm like go ahead tell people right and you've just threatened a blackmail me you dumb fuck right people are so stupid like if somebody who? Was this person? Oh it was just a person I knew, I mean somebody I knew very briefly. Judy Gold. Ha ha ha ha ha. I used to jump up and grab her vagin. Ha ha ha ha.

She's like I'm gonna tell everybody that you like pussy too. Ha ha ha ha ha. That's crazy that someone said they were gonna out you to the meet. I mean. Years ago, but it was somebody who probably didn't even know I was a comment like you know I mean they come with a new are the first Mainstream person I would say to marry a transgender. I would say so too. I would literally say so I've looked up people in the bus

Who's married a transsexual? Yeah? There's no one be someone else Jim Norton. You're the Jackie Robinson of trance So I looked up Ray Combs we're both right on June 1st 1996 He was hospitalized for banging his head against the wall the next day June 6 June 2nd 1996 He hung himself in that hospital with bedsheets I wonder what was so wrong that he like was he just met like was he mentally ill or is there something going on? Wonder what was so wrong that he like was he just met like was he mentally ill or is there something going on? Depression depression yeah, or something was he getting fired from the show I see I'd love to ask you something like I'm not to mention a painful thing But like like what drove him to do that like to look up the reasons for suicide money is sometimes like that two years earlier

He's in a severe car accident where he had there it is Physical pain and I bet you you also get hooked on something too Yeah, yes plus depression how many kids do you have how many kids yeah? After a lot of times after injuries people get hooked on oxy cotton cotton or whatever the fuck it is in six six wow All that family feud money going right out the window they could have they could have a few different teams He had so many fucking kids he was 40 years old yeah They could have had two different teams. He had so many fucking kids. He was 40 years old. Yeah. 40!

A young guy. A lot of kids for 40. Yeah. Guy was working. That's a lot of fucking. Good for him. What were we just talking about before Ray Combs? We were just chatting about-

Bob Barker? No, no, no. Mark was- Oh, you're the Jackie Robinson? No, before that. Oh, no. Hold on. I'm gonna get it. Hold on. Dog balls. Peter Salacuse. Anything we know. No, I don't remember. Ray Combs. Before Ray Combs. Oh, Louis Anderson. Yes. But it wasn't even Blackmail. It was just somebody one time. I think they were

probably drunk sets. It was very brief. And it went away quickly. Did he ever come out before he died? I don't think he did. And I loved Louis Anderson. He gave me my first, one of my first real TV spot, which was the Louis Anderson show in 1997. That's how I met Dice, changed my life. Wow. I was out there doing a seven minute clean set. He was a nice man. He was a wonderful guy.

And I was doing the Louis Anderson show and his opener was Dice's opener. So she introduced me to Andrew and he took me like furniture shopping and whatever. Anyway, being on the Louie Anderson show changed the course of my career and my life and I met Opi and Anthony eventually. Yeah, so I love, love, loved Louie Anderson.

Louie Anderson, no. No, no, no, but he was just a sweet, no one didn't like him. And the fact that someone was blackmailing poor Louie Anderson. Did he really lose four mil out of this? I mean, I might have, it was two mil, something like that. Charlie Sheen, I think, lost a lot of money because he had said that somebody blackmailed him

for millions because he had HIV. And he never really came back to the world after that. He did a little bit, but not much. I think he had the series, but maybe that was done by then. But he's always been kind of like in the gray zone now. Yeah. Did he ever do the show with you or no? Charlie?

Yeah. No, I've never met Charlie. I met Emilio and Martin. I would think Charlie Sheen is one of those last individuals who are very real. Yes, I partied, yes, I did drugs, and what? Yeah, porn. Martin Sheen, his father,

is the nicest celebrity I've ever met. Like Emilio Estevez came in with him one time, not to me, but to Sirius, and my manager knows Emilio very well, so Emilio introduced me to his father. And he's, I've never met a warmer, famous person than Martin Sheen. And you know he's a nice guy,

because he's the guy who was always hugging trees, like long before it was fucking fashionable in Hollywood. Martin was doing, yeah, yeah, he's the father. And he was doing it long before any of these other people in Hollywood had like causes causes it was Martin Sheen What a fucking wonderful guy he is and most of these hookers that did fuck Charlie Sheen is very proud of that to this day Yeah, he's a cool dude. Yeah. I mean yeah, you can't you can't be afraid of you just kind of say yeah, it happened I did it so what oh yeah poor Louie. I didn't know you know and stormy Daniels

Yeah, I mean sure why I wish he would have just said that he fucked her because yeah, I would have just no I didn't know you know and stormy daniels right yeah, I mean sure why I wish he would have just said that he fucked her Cuz yeah, I would have just no I didn't no I didn't if he just said yes I fucked her I would have been like he couldn't say that though because his wife was pregnant at the time You there's one once in a while you can't admit it and Milani was pregnant So there's no way for him to go like yeah, it happened right. I wish he went I fucked stormy daniels and what came. Yeah his wife would have looked really bad, and that's probably why he kept denying I didn't do it. Do you guys think that Trump is gonna win? Probably, but you know who knows. I think yes Yeah, the swing states who the fuck no I'm not good with anything. I think most likely he will. He's up by three right now

It's like when John remember when John Edwards got a lot of shit for, his wife wasn't pregnant, she was dying of cancer. He was talking to that woman. Yeah, there's certain times you gotta say, I didn't do it, I guess. Did he deny it or did he say he did it? I think he denied it at first and then it was like, I think they always deny it at first. Just wait a week, she'll be dead. Yeah.

Come on. Crazy. I think he probably was waiting and he was like, what's taking her? What the fuck, she's responding well to therapy? Alright, I'm gonna go fuck the babysitter. But, you know, I think if your advice is always to deny at first, then... You have to at first. You have to. I don't respect anyone that immediately admits it. Do you think that JD Vans is gay friendly?

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Deep hollow. I'll just say I do not think he's gay friendly. No. No, no, no. Look at that guy. Not at all. No. Yeah. Does he look like he supports gays? I don't think so. But a lot of those guys who are so anti-gay are just literally look like they're dying for a dick in their mouth. I just don't want anyone's religion to govern upon me. Religion should be out of the politics. What about Buttigieg? He looks like he hates gays and I don't care what anyone says.

I feel it. I feel his anti- Type in JD Vans. Gay. Look. Yeah, Buttigieg, I don't know if I like him though. I kinda like him though. Like he's gay but I don't know if he's a good transportation

I don't know anything about that's true. That's true and Trump ten years ago had a Miss Universe contest where a trans person won the contest and Like the jury was trying to get the trans person off the board and Donald Trump goes no She's she's a winner whoa that happened and when he said that I She's she's a winner. Whoa that happened and when he said that I Personally as person-to-person I go, you know what I would vote for Trump any day any other day And I'm not a Trump Trump Trump supporter. I'm just saying when he said that I was like, oh wow What a great thing to say. We see the trans winner I know you got eight tabs over that are gonna ruin your life later. No, it's amazing wonderful. What do you want? When Donald Trump said that there was a miss miss universe and a trans

Woman won the contest miss universe. I hope you get this wrong and he actually just threw her out She's hot both of them are hot. Yeah, very lovers transgender Trump Which one is she? That is the question is she on the right or left? Yes, she won. She won the whole thing and he overruled it He allowed it allowed it allowed it. What's her talent peeing in the snow? Are you over rules rejection of transgender beauty queen? I remember her but But this is again, 12 years ago, 2012. He would govern, but he would govern like a person who's anti-trans, even though personally

I don't think he gives a fuck. I'm just saying when he said that with his own voice, I was just like okay. Yeah, he doesn't hate gay people. I don't think he cares. Just by doing that he did more for LGBT and Biden dead. Yeah. I think he's against the blockers though.

Yeah, when you're kids. For kids. Yeah, which is understandable. For kids. Yeah, I only believe in puberty blockers for kids if you don't tell them you're doing it As a fun experiment BT Party they want 13 and 14 year olds to be able to do SRS with their parents Signature SRS sexual assignment sexual reassignment surgery how crazy is that? How do you feel like what age should that type of stuff?

I think you need to diagnosis in place first and foremost and who diagnosis It would have to be a doctor like in Norway you go to the national security and like the national hospital And you go there and they have three people they have a psychologist They have an endocrinologist, and then they have a psychologist. And they all talk to each other. So psychologist twice. Two psychologists? Therapist, psychologist, and endocrinologist.

And they all do interviews with you. I think it should be like that in the States too, because of course being trans is a mental thing. I don't wake up every day and feel completely normal. If depression is a mental illness, how is transgender not of course it is Of course it is and I'm very fine with that. Yeah. Well, hey, welcome to comedy You're yes, we're all mentally ill and I think we should embrace that here here not trying to be pure

Who's that on the right here is the Miss Universe trans woman and on the left is Donald Trump's daughter Wow, yes, my daughter is going to win. Yeah Trans woman he likes though. That's the girl on the right that one that's what it says. Yes, I think She ages. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't say no she was not winner. It was pretty for ten years ago I'm looking at her. She's okay. I'll sound like a bitch for saying that but she was very big judging a white guy in the NBA in the 60s Back then it was good. Yeah, she was beautiful back then.

No, I don't like that. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Mark, do you have a new joke about that? What? About trans in the 80s. Oh, that's an old joke but I just say trans women look amazing now. They're so hot.

It's like a video game. You're like, that looks great. But in the 90s the graphics were rough. Yeah. It was basically Ms. Pac-Man. Yes, Jim would know. He would analyze from his niece. Yeah.

Working the joystick. Yeah, there you go. Yep, yeah, I was old school. I was in on it long before it became popular. Yeah. Yeah, how do you feel about that? I feel like a lot of people will kinda like try to speak for you, but you actually,

this is the life you actually live. Does it annoy you? Nah, like you, I mean nobody fucks with me about it. People know that I don't care if they like it or not. So I think when people know that you don't care if they like it, there's nothing for them to push against. Because I'm not trying to force my life on people. Good point.

Like we live our life, we put videos out, but none of it is this boring messaging that people are doing. We just want people to watch, and if you enjoy us, then watch more of it. If you don't, don't. But we're not trying to teach any fucking lessons. Hear, hear.

Like date the person you want. That's the only lesson I would say, is marry the person that you actually love. And if they're trans, this is what it looks like. It's like any other marriage. I think there needs to be a sitcom for this. I think you need to make a sitcom about this. Because I see the videos and they're funny.

Thank you. I think everyone's pushing this thing like, we need a new type of show. Well this story's never been told before on TV. Well the thing about us that's unappealing to people is that we're not messaging. Like you know what I mean? Like you look at people in our business that do really well,

they're always going out there going, this is how you have to feel. But we're not doing that, we're just kind of, we don't. That's what I mean? You look at people in our business that do really well, they're always going out there going, this is how you have to feel, but we're not doing that, we're just kind of, we don't. That's what I like. To me, that's way more refreshing. I think that's how most people respond, but again, our business is a very weird mentality. Yes.

But no, I won't, I think eventually we'll wind up doing something. You gotta do it, and do it on your own, because the suits will come in and go, hey, we need to say this more and push that more and that's what's gonna ruin it Yeah, I mean I don't I love our interaction the way she jokes about her dick Like I would never want that not to be a part of our the balls comment at a dinner with parents and stuff That's gold. It's like you don't want people afraid to talk around you like around her

Nobody's afraid to say so I might say something wrong. She doesn't give a shit like that Yeah, that's how it should be when you yes here here, so yeah We'll do something eventually when the soon as somebody is interested. You're a sweet man. Thanks So Jim if it's not disrespectful in front of your wife Can you tell us about the meatpacking district in the 90s the meatpacking district in the 90s not disrespectful at all That was which is now that this fucking all this influx of money ruined it I know appeared all used to be so great You'd ride around at 2 o'clock in the morning and all the fucking trans girls were out there. It was fun

It was hi dad waving dick everybody was hurts and decks I've told the story many times, but it's where I got my fucking glasses taken. Oh, yeah Yeah, I got my fucking glasses snatched for it because I wouldn't pick the one girl up and I had to pretend I didn't know she was trans, you know Cuz the cop pulled me over goes, you know, that's a fucking guy. I'm like, all right Oh, yeah, my glasses my glasses and the cop got my glasses back for me. Yeah, it's humiliating covered in jizz I had no idea I thought it was strudel. I'm half blind for Pete's sake

So what is it? What does a whore go for back in the ins? Back in the early 90s, up to 2015. When did I meet you? Two days before I met her. I didn't know they were still going back then. No they weren't. I want to say it stopped in the mid 2000s because I stopped actually going out when I started doing a real radio show in the morning. So the early 2000s I would ride around all night listen to Joe Beningo and fucking and just look at trans girls and fucking you know the radio show

Was off the air we got fired So I would say back then between 20 and 50 or 80 it depend on who you were seeing Yeah, man, that's that's what it cost back in those days And I would just see like one or two regular people that I know you know okay And then you get you blow them or blow you, or how does that work? Whenever you were in the mood for it in the moment, you always had to be careful of diseases. Yeah, yeah.

Were you ever nervous about that? Sure, after. You know when you're nervous about that, when the fucking car window's rolled up, and you're spitting out of it, and trying to fucking gargle with Levoris, like, hope alcohol kills AIDS. Yeah, because I would never marry Jim if he had AIDS or HIV.

Yeah. Yeah, there's been- See, you always say the sweet shit. That's why I love you. Save it to the vows. But there are people who have it. There are more people that even have HIV than I think people know about. Yeah.

No. But I have to be honest and not to make people with HIV sad. If someone wants to have sex with me and tells me they have HIV, I'm sorry. That's pretty fair. We're not gonna have sex. That's not unreasonable. It's funny, the thing that wouldn't stop,

it's not being married would stop her. It's like, but if they had AIDS out of respect for my husband, I wouldn't do it. I like that you said that like that separates her from the rest of the group here. Like I'm like, you know what? I'm down fucking age. I'm down to get some age.

But I've heard that before and she does say it, like you do say it like it's this amazing crazy thing. Like guys, if you had HIV, I wouldn't fuck. Eventually that won't matter. I mean, now you can kind of handle it with medication. I have never had an STD. Really? Must be nice.

Yeah, no chlamydia, no, not though, never quick, quick ones to get rid of wow well done Yeah, and they did not if the sexual partner wants who had chlamydia, but then he only like my balls Yeah And I didn't get it beautiful. That's awesome. Yeah, I jerked off. Yeah, it's all it's it's crazy How many hallmark card things she said? That's how I fell in love chlamydia, and I'm, okay, and I start to like, you know, throw things around in my head and I'm like, okay, lick my balls.

Yeah, see the stud, if you don't have a tear falling down, you're not a person. This is all going on lifetime. Yeah, it sure is. Maybe that's why they don't want to give us a show. Talk about, how about a little messaging? So I did know that in the moment Maybe there could have been a little lick that would have flown this way and maybe I would have gotten chlamydia

But I took a chance and I didn't yeah, well the ball skin is very tough Yeah, it is very very really yeah. Yeah, it's like elephant skin. Yeah, you can fucking pull it I remember you do that tell you scratch Anthony Kumi pointed that out I never forgot the genius of him pointing out the pinch and roll and you have to itch your balls inch the pinch and roll And you get your balls. That's an Anthony What does that mean when you scratch it? You don't you don't itch your fingernails and your balls Oh, yeah, you kind of pinch and roll it a little bit like don't think that we sniff our balls I do this too. I do it. It's such a fascinating scent.

It's a different scent. It is, but that's like, if there's a list of things someone doesn't want to hear their wife say, that would be, that's probably number one. But you know, I bet if a guy was knocked out, you know, they have smelling salts. I bet if I had a jog day and I did a little taint, I wouldn't wake that guy up.

Dude, I did the smelling salts for the first time Oh, yeah, Rogan's Club. It did you has them yeah? I did I was in the green room and I was kind of the coffee machine wasn't working and they were like dude the smelling Salts and I was like yeah, and I'm kind of picking everyone's brains Sure do it and everyone's kind of like yeah, just do it. I didn't realize you're supposed to put it like right here Oh, it burns dude I was fucking dying and I had I literally felt like the biggest. I didn't realize you're not supposed to put it right here. Oh, it burns. Dude, I was fucking dying. And I literally felt like the biggest pussy,

because Rogan's obviously, am I having an allergic reaction? He's like, no, you're fine. You're fine. How long did that last? Too long, like a few minutes. OK. And did it make you more alert for the set? I mean, yeah, the next couple hours I was rocking.

But for a good 10 minutes, I was like, just tears just dripping out. You should hold it here and just take a little sniff right it change you though wavelength wise in your brain He can't come without I didn't like it man. I was like it's hell we did the Bert fully loaded thing and the ice bath I was like dad. I fucking like yeah. Yeah, that was cool But did it make you feel like awake or like did he yeah? Yeah? Yeah, but this shit's ice the smelling salts fakes. How long did you do it for the ice better?

I do like a minute. I'm special bad press What do you well Bert was doing like three three minutes is pretty much the standard We would did there was this place in Norway went to where they have the ice the plunge and I we could each do for like 10 seconds I can't do it. It's freezing. I mean, it's freezing. I go in for a minute, but you feel awesome after it Yeah, you feel good that you did. How long would you say minute? Wow, that's not true She's just like she doesn't do it for me. She does it for as long as I do which is about 10 seconds That's what I can do. You did it longer than me, but not by much, but the ice pass the closest you you come to losing a dick It's gone. Yeah, I mean her shrivels down to six

But I I don't think I could sit there if they were sponsoring me I probably could but like Joel sit there for three minutes. They sponsored Yeah, of course if they wanted to pay us on the podcast But they sure be delighted to sit there for three minutes sponsor yeah, of course if they want to pay us on the podcast I'll be sure I'd be delighted to sit there for three minutes, and then just cut it real quick So fucking cool though apparently the health benefits are great unless you have a heart attack. That's true No, thanks. You feel Russian doing it there you go There's also cryotherapy which everyone was high on for a while and everybody kinda stopped talking about cryotherapy. What's that? My wife does that, she cries for hours. Another. I'll tell you, she's not right.

I tell ya. Well what is that? Cryotherapy. They're doing like IV bars and stuff now where you can go in and just get like a fast. That's a great idea. IV injection. Buy vitamin B and stuff.

Buy vitamin B. I do that stuff sometimes. Does it work? If I'm like just kicking a cold Oh, okay, or I'm starting to get one of you vitamin B Or do you see or do you just just like an immune boost save like a thing? We have vitamin B vitamins. What do you call for that doctor or nurse come? I got a person who's number and you do the IV right? Yeah, I love this

Very rarely, but if I'm if I have big Gagging I'm like I'm hurting Wow and also I think I'm notice have to do, if I have a road gig and I'm like, I'm hurting. Wow. And also, I think I noticed you Americans do is that you started to snooze. Yeah. Which is so weird for me to watch Ask Zayn Norwegian because no one knew about this other than the Scandinavians.

Snooze, what's the brand called? Zin. Zin. Zin, Zin. Oh, yeah. And it's so popular now, and everyone did that in Norway since I was five years old. But it's just nicotine, it's not tobacco, right? Yes, but it's very interesting. Is it nicotine?

I think it's nicotine. This is Scandinavian. This is what we're built upon. When we're baseball players, they all had like fucking cancer in their mouth. Tobacco. Of course, that's disgusting. This is very Scandinavian, so I'm taking notes.

Interesting. That chew and that fucking spit it out. spit it out believe it made it to America though Yeah, oh, yeah, it's huge now all the frat guys are for the last two three years has been huge. Yeah, I tried That is kind of fucking disgusting it's like Norton after a visit And the best is when I reverse the tape it goes in I was like, oh, a lot of that one. And the best is when I reverse the tape it goes in. Oh man. But what does that IV go for? 250?

Around, it's so expensive. Yeah. But I just want to, it's like. It's worth it. What is your health worth when you're trying to do a fucking performance? I want to give a good show. Yeah. But you do feel a good show. Yeah.

But you do feel like the elite. Yes. Even the place though. Your whole body is proper. Yes. You're ready to conquer the world. You're full of vitamins. You don't really give a shit.

I know I for sure wouldn't. Do they come to you? Yeah. Yeah, that's even better. I wanna try it. They're nice to come to your apartment. You've been doing the sea moss. The who?

Sea moss. Oh yeah, we've been eating sea moss. It's this thing that was on Shark Tank and this trainer I know does it. It's actually not bad. It flavored sea moss where it takes like a month and a half, two months to get it because they harvest it and they put like,

I have edel elderberry is the flavor I like. But it's really good. And the health benefits are supposed to be pretty intense. Okay. Save that that I want to remember Yeah, see you see more superfood. Yeah, and you do this like a vitamin or what do you do kind of you take like a spoonful? That's beautiful two spoonfuls. I take one in water or what no just put out of the jar Oh, yeah, honey texture. It's jelly a gel. It's kind of like a different like flavors weird But I think there's no sugar in it they like however they flavored It's not wasn't it like an MMA guy who put you on that yeah he's

wanted to try I I've changed it's who for a while he's one of the guys at the one the train Jim oh dude I don't know if I've mentioned this in the pot stop me if I have but there's this app called Yuka why you Ka have I told you this yeah oh dude it's you you just you scan stuff in the grocery store the barcode it tells you if it's got like hazardous. Oh Yeah, like what do they call like It'll be like ranked zero to a hundred so it'll be like you know you want 70 and up, but some shit It's amazing some stuff observatives and additives and stuff. Oh, yeah some harmful as it is the QR code Yeah, you do you do the code the the, just what they scan in the grocery store.

Yeah, the barcode. So wait, 70, the higher is better? Yeah, you want it to be like 90. You get like a Greek yogurt, no sugar, it'll be like 94, but then some milks you think are good, it's just all bullshit. Wow. Even if the ones that are low sugar,

it'll be like 42, and I'm like, oh shit, I drink this every day, you know? Can you check, can you say ones that are low sugar, it's like gotta it'll be like 42 and I'm like, oh shit I drink this every day, you know Can you check like it can you say I want to look for things with like I want no sugar I want no this or I want no that and have it narrow that stuff down or does it just give you one? I think it can give you all so I think I can give you but yeah, you got to pay for it I just do the free one, but dude, I I found you just find stuff. They're like this is better for you. It's crazy Yeah, I'm trying to like get like less sugar and sex I am fucking fat now or fatter because of the foolish surely she can eat whatever she wants and not put weight on and I can't

I'm just a fucking granola eating pig comics have come a long way in the 80s was like you want to get paid in coke or cash Have you tried you cut? So the barcode But yeah, but I've taken my risks though I mean like you know what I mean? Like the fact that I'm still here and not withering away. It's amazing. I can put weight on considering the things I've done sexually. Yeah.

You know, it should be a blessing, I guess. Right, right. I just want to eat healthy because I don't want to stop drinking alcohol. Same, same. Right. Do you drink before you go on? Like I could never get drunk before. No, no, especially not in the city.

But like on the road Oh, if it's a late show I'll have a drink and then maybe you know it's kind of like a reward like afterwards You know have you ever felt like because I've seen you we've all seen videos of guys who drink to have you ever like? They had a couple and go like oh fuck. I can't perform. Oh, you have right, and that's why I don't do it anymore Yeah, cuz it's totally fuck you and you're slower You got to be sharp once you you think the booze will help you It'll make you like Doug Stanhope, and you're you know Waxing poetic up there, and you're romantic with the little scotch, but it's all shit. Yeah, all of a sudden to you You fuckers don't care

Exactly I've definitely felt like slower. I slow down you do right yeah, but how about coke or something wouldn't coke make you faster? I've done it on Adderall before and boy. I was on fire. I was zipped were you great. Yeah, I was killer Comics used to do cocaine. Oh, yeah Like you think Bernie Mac did cocaine Robin did a lot of coke yeah prior yeah, oh yeah, no, that's not Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, that's not on the line. By the way, anyone that doubts that's a woman, that's the reaction. That's the reaction to a fart.

That's a clip. That was perfect. That's a JD Vance. Wow. OK. Well, we did 20 minutes on ball licking with that toot. That was over the line. Absolutely. What do you mean that you're always farting like that? I don't know.

I'd like to have it. Good question. We went to a diner today, had a salad and a waffle. I don't want to know. But your body is very, it's getting rid of the toxins. Yes. Great thing. Here, here. here farting like that is very healthy. Do you guys other than that do you have any peeves? Interesting oh, I wrote one down actually we do this thing called peeves peeves Sure, yeah, yeah, I got one what I don't like okay you start well you let you don't know why I'm dictating you how your podcast

Fuck me sorry go ahead you have a drink. You bet peeves vaginas No, I like I had this at an airport with it. What was that gender strike? What was that thing called crowd strike? You saw that where all the IT went down. Oh, yeah, it's like this week this week on Friday I flew that day was not a fun day brutal Newark was insane. That's why I flew into dude I landed everyone I couldn't get out because the whole walkway was just packed with people. Yes Newark was insane. That's where I flew in. Dude, I landed. Everyone, I couldn't get out because the whole walkway was just packed with people. Yes! It was insane. I was, thank God I landed, yeah. I know. Well, I took off

on the day of, and all my flights got canceled, the connection got canceled. So I'm at the United counter, like what do I do? I gotta make this flight by five, and I was like, I missed my connection already, and then the lady does the typing, you know, behind the computer, and I hate the typing miss my connection already and then the lady does the typing you know behind the computer and I hate the typing and she goes oh you're going to miss your connection.

I'm like yeah yeah I just told you that. I hate when you tell them your problem and then they realize it and they repeat your problem. Shows you that they're not listening. Yes. Did you miss the gig? No I made it but I flew to Minneapolis and drove four hours running a car so I made it an hour late we had to push the show back,

but it worked out. Wow. Were you with anyone or you were doing it solo? I was solo. Well I had an opener who was living there. Where was the gig? Sioux Falls. What time were you supposed to,

I'm fascinated with you two because you both fly day of gig. I can't do it. Tomorrow I'm leaving for San Diego, my gig is Thursday, cause I take a drama meeting, I can't, what time are you? That's also a nice city to kill a night in. I guess San Diego is nice. Yeah, it's a comic-con He's not living it up at night. You're not going out and having a sham come on. Well have a cappuccino

Party city with Jim no, it's not Even during the day he could kill the day that's like a nice Nevermind this lollygag my fucking blubber hanging over Even during the day, he could kill the day. That's true. It's like a nice, you know. Okay, never mind. Just lollygagging with my fucking blubber hanging over. Yes. When Jim made it, he made his way of being to be like slow steakhouse, elegant, gently man. I like that.

Gentleman, yeah. That's exactly. Very gently man-ish. Gentleman-ish. Yeah, they're all like, who's that make-a-wish in the booth over there eating alone the whole black wait the But on the road you guys what time is your flight supposed to be for like an 8 o'clock gig? What time is your original flight? It was a 7 o'clock gig in a theater and it was a 8 a.m Flight okay in Chicago then that flight was a layover then I landed at 250. Oh, that's reasonable

Okay, as a brutal fucking it was a brutal day though to wake landed at 250. Oh, that's reasonable, okay. That's a brutal fucking day, though, to wake up at what, like six, and then you go home at night? That's not fun. And you drove four hours on, oof, that's. Yeah, and we had to push the show to nine instead of seven because I was late, but we had to contact the whole audience, it was a bit. And when you guys do comedy as a comedian,

do you sometimes go to the places that are just shit, where you have to stay in a motel, where there's no nice hotels. Everywhere's got a decent hotel now. There's always something, yeah. But I've been with him on the road, and they don't have decent hotels. I mean, I'm talking like terrible places.

Her Majesty is talking. No, no, I don't even mean Marriott. I mean like not even that. Like a real motel, motel. Like a red roof. Yeah, I mean we've all done it. Like a biker's, I didn't find that fun. That was one place, and that was in New Hampshire.

No, it's been many times. She's very spoiled. No, I'm not spoiled. Oh, I can't find that fun. That was one place and now She's very spoiled. No, I can't stay here. There's not there's not towels. No bathroom to wash hands with me Yeah, it's very that was a shock and that's why I don't go with them on the road anymore. Oh smart move You went with the shitty. Yeah, I'm like wow look the bed bugs Stays home and I'm gonna ritz No, it's a, I try to land early, but yeah dude, the power outages like what the fuck, we didn't know what was going to happen. I'm doing a gig with Neemesh, Chris D and Jordan Jensen and she texts me, she's like I'm landing at three, I go, I wouldn't do that and she's like really?

So now she's landing at like 8am, I'm like we didn't have to over correct that yeah, you know I go in the night before I hate to stress I think in 34 years, maybe I've missed one or two get like I don't ever miss game But I'm so paranoid about it that I fly in the day before because I don't like to stress I like to drive overnight to the next gig like you know you got the way you like to do Yeah, a way that makes it fucking tolerable. I hear you. Yeah, it stresses you out. I get it look missing gigs sucks It's the worst all of us. Yeah, I hate losing a day. I don't lose a day in my life alone No, you're right. You're right, but you can't I can't sleep tonight before like I'm always wide awake It was just with me to Norway for a funeral. Oh wow. And in that moment I realized that,

although he's my husband, in this moment, coming with me to, my dear grandpa died. My grandfather. And he came to my funeral and I told myself in that moment that this is my real husband and this is my real family, although he's not in my family because he came with me to the funeral. And we was on the plane,

and it had a terrible turbulence. I'll never fly again. Whoa! Yes you will! No, I'm telling you, I'm not gonna fly for another year, and I mean it, and I'm not airplane scared at all, but that turbulence was enough to put me in a graft, where I don't think I'm gonna fly again.

This was one of those ones where it actually Lifted up and slow it was like you plummeted and the flight attendant fell as screaming I realized I literally screaming because I'm like I didn't hear screaming because I was holding the seat going I didn't realize I was doing that I asked the flight attendant was this bad and she's like it's the worst turbulence I've had in 40 years. 40 years, she said she's never hit it, yeah. For 10 seconds, it was like I thought I was gonna die. I always think of Jim, because the worst flight of my life

probably was flying to Rochester, and I saw you the night before, and you go, oh, you fly in there? I said, yeah, he goes, ooh, I hate that flight. I always drive, and I'm on with Gary Veeder, and for whatever reason it's like first off We're supposed to sit together, but some woman just like we booked together But someone was like no that's my seat, and I was like it's a 40 minute flight

Who gives a shit? So you know we hated this one over like 40 minutes as we're landing like it's just shaking so it's too windy to land So the guy just fucking top guns it and just belts back up And we like this guy gonna like German wings us is this like a fucking depressed Sully pilot So we're looking and the woman behind us is just like And we're just looking at her like fuck this woman we hate it really it's the only joy we're getting yeah At least if you crash, you know, she said But we're looking at each other like after that we're just like what the fuck, I don't know.

And then like after 10 minutes he goes, sorry I couldn't land in that wind, I had to make something happen. We're like make something happen, what the fuck. That would scare the shit out of me. But the guy picking us up goes, oh my god some plane just top gunned it. I was like that was us.

Whoa. Yeah. It's very hard from comedy to carless. Well Jim's a bottom gun. Somebody died in turbulence like a month ago, did you see that, it was very from comedy the Carlson. Well Jim's a bottom gun Somebody died in turbulence like a month ago. Do you see that it was in the news? They probably either had a heart attack I'm gonna guess was a heart attack where they bang their head the news sites always put that up But it's that it's never the turbulence unless they broke. It was very scary and it's gonna take me a while But that was scary. That was legit scary

Like that was a plummet it is getting those certain. Yeah, you see it on the news to the guy ended up in the overhead. Oh His little feet hanging out fucking hilarious Singapore that was Going from London to Singapore hit severe turbulence One passenger says anyone not wearing a seat belt was launched immediately including the cabin crew That's way worse than we hit really yeah, did you or it was long? No, I mean things scattered everywhere, but people flew up to the ceiling whoa Yeah, it was bad, and it was such a rollercoaster feeling that you can't control yourself

I couldn't control myself as a human because of the gravity, so I knew that the pilots were startled. Of course they were startled, and he doesn't think they were scared at all. They weren't. I think the pilots of that Norwegian flight were extremely scared. They weren't though. Of course they were.

You want to fly with a pilot who hits turbulence and goes, oh, I'm scared. Of course they were, because your body is out of gravity control. Who wouldn't be scared? People on roller coasters are not scared. I'm just saying they were scared gem alright I don't believe it am so Jim. Do you have a peeve you had one earlier? Yes when my wife insists on the emotions of pilots

Do I have a peeve? What's a peeve? Now we're putting you on the spot no no it's a it's not. It's a bit. We all have them I'm trying to one. I got one if you can't think of this happened last week I was in Austin I had to go to Nashville for a night and I did those guys busting with the boys podcast great guys They end up saying you want to go to the we're going to a Post Malone show Do you want to go fuck it? I got a night to kill good show. I run into DeRosa I run into Shane Gillis a bunch of people were chilling there It turns into you know how it is with it's bad enough with just DeRosa

But Shane Gillis to trying to get it's like a video game try not to get blackout drunk Yeah, I'm trying to walk around them the peeve is being 40 plus and being like do a shot. Yeah That's the fucking beef and then it leads into my rack which is the fucking Irish exit I love an Irish egg. I Irish exit and guess what they're so fucked up. No one notices No, no, no one's offended when you Irish exit when they're blackout alcoholics and they're so hung over the next day They're not gonna be like you fucking asshole. They're worried about their own shit. Yeah puking. The Irish exit has something to do with being drunk Yeah, like you're a lot. Yeah that you slip out and no one notices. Well, dude, the Irish go by.

I was with Taylor and Will from the Bustin' with the Boys podcast, and they were all like, let's, we knew we were running into Shane already, so they know Shane, they know DeRosa. And they're like, let's all make a pack, not the drink. And I was like, I'm in, dude. We'll be good. I was already hung over from Kill Tony the night before,

and I was like, I'm down. Taylor leaves, he comes back, we're both holding Bud Lights. I'm like, I'm in dude, we'll be good. I was already hungover from Kill Tony the night before and I was like, I'm down, let's not, Taylor leaves, he comes back, we're both holding Bud Lights. I'm like, they're cold, I don't know. We already bailed, but I only did a couple. I was like, I got out of there. What was the show? Post Malone. How was he?

It was awesome, he brought out all these other guests. It was like Blake Shelton. Oh wow. He brought out, it was a small show for Bud Light put together. And then- He did a song with Ozzy which was great yeah yeah yeah and then he did he did he brought up people I didn't know but some woman and they did like Johnny Cash Jackson together duet it was killer they did really good show. Comedy and music is

really melding it's like Jelly Rolls at a show or Post Malone they all do kill Tony what's a Gary Clark jr. is always at the mothership it's coming together's coming together I never have musicians at my shows. I've had none of those great stories. Yeah, I Ozzy yeah, I am yeah, that's that that is true. We never been at one of my shows, but I am I am Don't I don't believe that I saw you on the fucking Gene Simmons roast. Oh, I forgot about that Jim all the time whenever he feels down. I'm like Jim you live the fucking life Yeah, you've been around all these people you're a fucking legend. Why would you even look at yourself this way? I mean, I mean you should love it. Here's my one that you've done it. Here's my one so let my one big Celebrity in the room story ice tea was at a show that I completely bombed out Gold it was that fucking in Vegas, it was the,

remember that Jeff Beecher show? Do you guys remember the Beecher show? It was a crazy show. It brought in all these celebrities and interesting people and it would be like a sword swallower. Backing into it. All right, all right. Too easy.

But like jugglers and crazy and Bobby Kelly went on and fucking killed and I went on and fucking nose dope what a bad set right front row yeah that was rough damn that was rough we were around when comics used to open up for rock acts they still do but not as much but But yeah, not necessarily, like Jim Florentine does, Brewer does, but yeah. Tom Dreeson used to open for Sinatra. Yeah, like that type stuff. And John Pennet used to open for Sinatra too.

Really? Yeah, John Pennet. Wow, what a combo. Is my husband the oldest in the room? Definitely. Yes, yes. That'd be my pet peeve. Matthew, you are 45? I mean, I'm close to room. Definitely. Yes, yes. That'd be my pet peeve. Matthew, you are 45?

I mean, I'm close to that. Yeah, she never understands how people age. Are you protecting your age? I am, people are ageist. People. Someone asked me the other day, they're like, how old are you? I was like, I've seen older.

People hate mentioning their age. And I tell her, like, people don't like that. And she's like, oh, okay. And then she'll be like, this is somebody else. There was this female comic one time and she was 40 and I thought she looked so Lolita I thought she was like 25 and I asked her how old are you and she's like I'm 40 and I'm like, oh my god You're 40 and then there's a comic that's gonna start before her and I'm like, she's 40

Can you believe it and he goes? oh my god, she's 40? Yeah, and they were like staying with her and they had no idea how old she was. Like you'd blap her mouth. I didn't realize they had broke girl code because I'm not supposed to say that. And I should know girl code better than that. Right, right.

Damn. Yeah. But you are 40, so suck it up. Yeah. I know why you're worried about people being ageless, but Matt is a great photographer. Yes, he is. At Salacuse on Instagram, slide in, he's so good. And I know that's why you're worried about people being ageless, but Matt is a great photographer. Hire Matt at Salacuse on Instagram, slide in.

He's so good, and I know that's why you're worried, because it's young people coming into the... Yeah. Matt's great, you've done video stuff with us. Yeah, there you go. Oh, I wish it were true. Yeah, hire Matt. Yeah, I saw that one.

Matt did that, you did that one, right? I did that one? The Sam, yeah. Yeah, that was, yeah. Maybe you could do, I don't have any pictures for my tour, because again I got fat so I don't want to do pictures. He needs a new headshot. I do need a new headshot, yeah. Do it together, two of you. Yeah, we need something together but I also need a solo one for my gigs. Yeah, we can make you pregnant. Men can't get pregnant.

But yeah, we should do something else. There we go, we got a gig. Yeah, Matt's very good. He's a great videographer as well. Yeah, well, we're on the fence on that. No, no, he's great. He's shot a ton of my stuff too. Yeah. Same here, no, definitely use him.

Yeah, we gotta get somebody regular. It's hard to find a person, a consistent person. That's why we haven't podcasted in a few weeks. Well, we had a woman who used to shoot everything we did, and now we're just kind of shuffling through people. She went back to school, and so like we're trying to. Yeah, she had a life change, but it's not that easy once you're settled with someone

to then proceed with someone new. Yeah, it's difficult. Cause you meet people and you're like, nah, they're not right, that person's not right. We've shuffled through like six people. Yeah. You're in a transitional period. Yeah.

For sure. Yeah, the second they walk in, she's like, am I balls bothering you? And they're like, people. Yeah, you're in a transitional period. Yeah for sure Yeah, the second they walk in she's like you my balls bothering you and I like we can't These balls could talk you do the studio in your apartment No, we do we've done here. We've done not in your room, but we've done producer over here I know we did one episode for us It was like I think the last one we shot actually I know we did one episode for us. It was like I think the last one we shot actually I've set up something But now in the apartment is too difficult because we don't have the room and the soundproofing and stuff that you need for great audio

Right um it would just be it to putting it up and taking it down would suck So we got to find like a regular place and somebody who can get us guests, and you know it's a whole thing Yeah, it's a job. It's a fucking job. It's a lot of work. How many do you guys tape a day? Yeah, it's a job. It's a fucking job. It's a lot of work How many do you guys tape a day to usually to it one or two? But like you know little bush enough do you ever miss weeks or no? Yeah? Yeah, did you ever not release on a week? No Consistency is key One of us will be gone for a week, and we just so that's why we we double up some days

Yeah, I want a Europe. I'm going to Australia. You know things happen when's Australia. No Yeah, if you're going to Europe, I'm going to Australia, things happen. When's Australia? No, you have to say you're going. I'm not going to Australia. I went through in November. Oh, there you go. How long? I did the shortest Aussie tour ever. I did like eight days or something.

Oh, okay, how was it? Awesome, but I just was like, I was on the road so hard last year. I was like, let me just fucking, I'll get like a day off here. I had like two, I think I had a day off in Melbourne and a day off in one other one. I like a nice day.

I like a trip of leisure. I do, a gentleman's trip. I mean like, Australia is incredible. Did you see the Bond Scott thing in Melbourne? They have a Bond Scott mural and it just looks nothing like Bond Scott. Like it's really not good artwork. In Australia.

Remember that Lucille ball pulled that Lucille ball The worst fucking statue they made of her she was a tough interview by the way I saw I never met her I saw her on Carson and she would come in and go Yeah, you know and like all over she's a bitch not a bitch, but her jokes would look at that awful one Oh, wow looks like oh my like Andy Griffith or whatever. Holy shit, it does look like Andy Griffith. Looked like someone did it on meth.

She was an attractive woman though, that's fucking interesting. She was very fuckable, she looks like Zira from Planet of the Apes. Oh yeah, I could see that. No, that's not good, that's not a good Lucille Ball. She looks more like Bond Scott. She really does, holy shit. Decent bulge on him though, they gave him that. That's not good. That's not a good Lucille ball. Yeah more like bond Scott He's in bulge on him though they gave him that bond nobody real like What I

Didn't hear what my awkward wife say so manly They really did bond Scott's bulge was legit. Okay, watch whole lot of Rosie when you get time They did a live version of it when did he pass? No, that was a John's who had the no it was bond Scott Yes, he did. Oh, yeah, but bombs have a bond Scott I know that Tom Jones was a great musician, but even his words wouldn't learn that is that bulge really? Bob's been dead since 1980. He's alive. Yeah, he's 80 something. Yeah. He was great. He was he got a lot of ladies Oh my god. Yeah, Tom Jones. Yes Delky yeah, he had a fucking be it bond Scott had a ball legit bold you had Bruce Dickinson We're talking about this on Jim and Sam recently. I don't know why it comes up

It's fun to talk. It is fun to talk about we respect it. Yeah, Lisa Ann said John Sally is the biggest she's ever seen in her life. Yeah, yeah, I've heard that right yeah Not surprising though six six six nine whenever he has giant cock big he's fun He's a fun guy too. I think more than that more than nine inches. Yeah, wow more than nine It's Lisa Ann said it's the biggest she's ever seen one of the biggest porn stars in the world Wow, that's genuine Danny D's 12 Danny Danny D who's that he's a British porn star skinny guy like unassuming tall skinny guy huge hog. It's insured That's how big his hog. What does that mean? How do you ensure dick?

Well, he's scared of breaking it so he wants to keep it in check. It's a porn star Yeah, I black guy white guy white guy. It's all any D. You never heard of Danny D. I don't really watch how much porn anymore honestly I don't know we link yeah He's insured it, I don't know I don't know the details Yeah, I just I would never fuck him. I'm sorry really I don't think that's hot at all I don't think he has any percent of sex appeal for me as a young person He would never get to fuck me. Okay never I would never let him fuck me. You take very odd stand I don't like a guy with AIDS and I wouldn't

Is just not fucking sexy two things you don't like AIDS not sexy Yeah, no, I wouldn't I'm Scott. That is just not fucking sexy. Two things you don't like, AIDS and Bonstom. That is not sexy. Really? So you wouldn't say that, that's what you're saying. No, I wouldn't fuck Magic Johnson. Oh, thank you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. No MJ, huh?

Oh, thank you, sir. No. Little water. There you go. What is not sexy about him and what is sexy about Jim? I mean, it really is what I'm wondering too. I love mature men, this is true. Okay.

40 plus, perfect. And Jim kind of, it took me a while to learn Jim. Meaning when I first met him, I thought he would have an awful shriveled up penis. Yeah. No foreskin, just like weird. I don't know, just like a really weird cock But then when I sucked you you did actually have a nice deck So that's the stuff that that's the stuff that that's the stuff of hours. I think that's when I suck

The more we got to learn each other if you had a terrible cock I Don't know if I could deal with you didn't say the first time I saw it the first time I sucked you Yeah, I sucked you the first day. I saw I know you do Was that we went to a hotel and I sucked his dick and vice versa I Hate that there was a champagne sip after that After that a toast ladies and gentlemen my cocksucker husband Jim really taught me to believe in myself. Oh really yeah, that's one thing

I'm good with maybe open with that at the bow is First time I first time I first time I sucked you I Realized you had a better dick than most. Thank you. This is true, Jim Norton has a better cock than most. Thank you. It's really true, this is true, and I've been with huge cocks.

Oh really? Huge. Always good to add that. Yeah. Jim has been wonderful. That's always a helpful parenthetical. But you're on the bar,'re saying. You're up there. I'm gonna clip all this.

No, I'm very open about our sex, and I think more people should be. It's like when you're like a normal wife, and you're like, I'm not gonna talk about my sex life, I'm like, what a fucking, you've failed in life. I agree. Completely failed in life. He has. Just to keep your facade up.

Yes, I sucked his dick and vice versa, and it was great. Now, you go in the pooper? How's that work? Well, we don't do that much anal, actually. Oh, really? It's mostly mouth fucking. Huh. Yeah.

I'm really attracted. No, but this is true, I've done a lot of anal in my life, but it hasn't been so much with Jim. Again, you could've quit while you were ahead there. Yeah, but it just, it's complete. Yeah. Yes. So I remember the first time I did anal.

It really was like breaking your virginity. Because it really hurts. At least for me the first time. John Sally. Yeah. We didn't do that much anal. Not really, no. A lot of people probably think we do a lot of anal, but it's mostly.

And some things you could just say like, well we. Jim being fucked in mouth. Or her sucking my dick. I suck dick. Yeah you do, thanks. I'm a professional at sucking penis. You are, I mean yeah. Great cock sucker.

Yeah, two champagnes in. This is when the information starts to spill. Keep it coming. Here's the, if you marry somebody trans, never give them two champagnes and then say, so what is sex like? time I suck your dick honey well it's hard to beat a good BJ like a great BJ is amazing like why wouldn't most people want just a blowjob because if you're in a gay relationship right

like I consider trans if you're fucking someone who's trans you're in a gay relationship I look at it that way if If you fuck them in the ass, why wouldn't you just be fine with a little dick sucking? Because then you don't have to deal with the mess, the cleaning, the not eating. You can just get your cock sucked and it feels just as good. Yeah, there's nothing worse.

You wanna come and you also want some beef stroganoff. There you go. No, but I think we both enjoy being fucked. Every now and then. I can't take being fucked. I can't take being fucked. Every now and then. No, but I think we both enjoy being fucked. Every now and then. Every now and then. I can't take being fucked. I can't take being fucked. Every now and then.

No, I cannot. I cannot. What about a pinky or something? Oh, delightful. Sure, more than welcome. A hint is fine, but yeah. A hint of a pinky. I've seen the pegging videos.

I'm like, that looks rough. Which ones? The pegging videos. I could never take, my ex-girlfriend was a dominatrix and she tried to she was probably sexually more hardcore than I am. Oh, she's very vanilla very dirty Yeah, she's very very normal my ex was very very dirty And she tried to fuck me with a strap on and I got like that much in and I'm like I got shit, and I ran to the bathroom, and she's knocking on the door you okay, and I'm like yeah I just can't yeah, I was ashamed. I wanted to do it, but I just couldn't my body

I'm like yeah, I just can't yeah, I was ashamed I wanted to do it, but I just couldn't my body would body doesn't take it well We have friends who need to get pegged to yeah, every guy you know every single man Every single male has wanted to get fucked or suck my dad wait, but I want to know who the guy who gets pegged is I'll tell you off air. Yeah, do I know him? Oh, yeah? Oh? Wow like every single guy that I've been with and I've been with a few guys, not that many, but they all pretend like they want, oh your ass and your sexy booty, but they all wanna suck my dick.

They all wanna get fucked. They all show their ass. This is true. Have you ever had somebody show their ass on video and you didn't like it? Yes. I don't like hairy asses. Man ass.

I'm sorry, it's like a man hole and I don't like that. Literally. It's awful. Now have you banged some ladies? I've never touched a vagina. Whoa, Sam either. I've never touched a vagina. No.

And I've got a hairy asshole. I'm out. Do you really? Oh yeah. Not horrible, but yeah, I've got some hair. I'm 27 now, so I'm at like a change in life where it's like I've tried the penis, gotten pretty used to the cock and the balls.

I would like to watch you fucking walk with your own. Maybe a vagina could be in place, but it would, I don't know. That would suck though if she really liked it. Yeah. Then I'd be on the outs. Bye, Jim. Yeah.

They're very nice. Yeah, pussy's awesome, dude. Yeah, it is nice, yeah, sure. Maybe I would just be like robotically fucking the pussy. Yeah. Because it feels great. It does feel good. After leaving gym.

Also, I think your biology kicks in where you're like. Exactly, because I was born a male. Exactly. So to death I come. Right. Right. Yeah, I'll be like, wow, that looks really great. Get out of here, you fag.

Oh, sorry. Well, this is, we gotta get some more champagne in here Yeah, I really want to know who tell me after I will hey get I'll pretend. I didn't know it was the Rosa Just put it in yeah plug the podcast and say we're gonna be on the road. Yeah, where you going I got? By the time this air is all I've already gone for this weekend. So I just got a bunch of, I'm doing Montana for the first time, Vegas, Tampa. I got a gig in New Jersey, I got Strasburg, Pennsylvania, and I got Chicago in December.

Hell yeah. And then the podcast is called Sword Fight, but we have to do an episode, we haven't done an episode in probably four weeks, because again, there was a death in her family And she was away, and then we were away together So and we put videos up on Nikki and Jim NYC on YouTube which is just our life this death has made us closer Value-like I'm much closer to Jim now after he attended. I'm gonna listen dude

I'm yeah, I'm to listen to this and also go see Jim on the road one of the best I'll tell you and also you know that but also the new hours. So thank you. Thank you. So so funny Yeah, I want to shoot it within the next four months. I want to get shot nice the view. Oh, yeah. Thank you guys great stuff Anything Nick you want to plug the pod or anything? sword fight Jim Norton on Instagram. And Miss Nicky Norton on Instagram. I just met you backstage at, was it Joe's Club?

I think so. Yeah, maybe. I think a Joe's Club for Bird's Festival. Yes. I first met you. Yes, and on the boat. So pleasure to be here and thank you for having me. Thanks for coming in.

My pleasure. This was a great time. Sam-O? Oh yeah, I'm all over. Oh, thank you for having me. Thanks for coming in. This is a great time Sam Oh, oh, yeah, I'm all over. Oh, sorry. Yeah, I don't know when this comes up August 11th So we'll be in Anaheim, California thousand Oaks Reading PA Red Bank Guadalajara going to Mexico City Ah, yeah, Colorado Springs Fort Collins, St. Louis Atlanta Vancouver Orlando Fort Lauderdale Portland and London, Ontario, and Toronto to name a few.

What do you got there? Here he is. I'll be in Baltimore, August 15th through 17th, then I got New Brunswick. I'm doing Stress Factory the 22nd through the 24th. Then yeah. Niagara Falls, Ontario. Niagara Falls, Ontario, and then I'm off to Europe London Belfast Dublin Paris Amsterdam we added a show there so

Copenhagen Oslo and Stockholm I will be there. Yes, Sam. I'm watch the special on Amazon. You've changed Sam. Morell and Bodega cat get the whiskey were sold out should be back. Yeah! Hopefully we're back in the next couple days. That's great. It's cooking, baby, Bodega Cat. All right, thanks folks. Thanks for listening, guys. Thank you very much for having us.

Great episode. Yeah, great stuff. Sunday's the day for my next vendor. I bit a Piva rec, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking post. And I get down in the same way. I'm a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking post. And I get down in the same way.

I'm a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking post. And I get down in the same way. I'm a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking post. And I get down in the same way. I'm a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking post. And I get down in the same way. I'm a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking post. And I get down in the same way. I'm a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking post. And I get down in the same way. I'm a little too much bourbon, And Norman's talking shit about the fucking punk And I get down in the same way

Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way New Orleans, this woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true