We Might Be Drunk - Ep 194: Dr. Phil (Adam Ray)

Episode Date: August 26, 2024

Dr. Phil joins us on episode 194! We learn, we laugh, we love and we grow closer together. Join us tonight for a great episode. Go see Dr. Phil live and also go see his friend Adam Ray at the Beacon Theater in NYC November 15th! Tickets: https://tinyurl.com/AdamTicketsNYC Podcast Sponsors:  Support the show and get 20% off your Manscaped order and free shipping. Use code DRUNK at https://www.manscaped.com Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Adam Ray: YouTube Channel:  @adamraycomedy  I nstagram: https://www.instagram.com/adamraycomedy/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/adamray/tickets Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand:  YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/?hl=en

Hey, hey, hey, folks! Here we are! We might be drunk. It is summertime! And it's hot. This weather is making me fucking sad. Oh, I hate it. It gets my blood boiling. It's fucking rough. Yeah, I get angry, I get tense, people are bumping into you, you have to shower eight times a day, you're washing clothes. You know me, I don't like to wash clothing. I hate it.

Hate it. I don't have washer, dryer, and unit. Oh yeah. You know what I'll do? During the day I don't mind it, but then at night, that walk home at night, you're like, you're still doing it? What, it's still hot?

It's still hot! I know, I know, the night should be cool. Yeah. You don't have washer and unit in that castle? Nah, I'm building, it's in the building. Oh, it's in the building, all Yeah, you don't wash your in unit in that castle now. I'm building It's in the building. What's in the building all right? Don't allow it in unit all right. That's pretty damn good though Yes, it works. Yeah, I do drop off sometimes do you yeah? I'm new that's very new to me, but yeah sometimes oh wow we're pushing on the lady

Fluff-and-fold is pretty nice fluff and fold those Your fluff is all right, you know. They're fluffers. I had a rough travel week, and not as bad as our buddy Matt Peters here, but both coming from Florida. You, you, are you Mike? Yeah. Oh, you, you drove from Florida?

Yeah. Wow. You were in Orlando? Yeah, Orlando. We had an 11 o'clock flight on Saturday. Delta? JetBlue. Okay. 11 a.m.? 11 a.m. It got canceled

They rebooked us on another flight that was leaving at 8 p.m. Oh That got delayed delayed delayed 1230 then they canceled it then we went to three hotels to front of front of place to sleep They just wouldn't let you in any of them Wait, so you didn't try ahead of time You just showed up at the hotel I called and they were like we have five rooms, but the first come first serve first come first serve What is this fucking 1992 nuts we go to the hotel and they're like, oh they're gone. Whoa So then I go another hotel I get there they're gone Wow third hotel finally get a room this by the way

This is like how you get hooked on like Fetinal Okay, it's like a downtown Orlando. It's like Yeah, I only find a hotel that we sleep for like four hours get up get a rental car and then just drive Wow There's something freeing once you just once you just accept the hell and you're like We're no longer beholden to these fucking airlines. That's true. But my story's not gonna sound nearly as bad as yours now that you just said that.

But you're still together with, because that's divorce territory right there and that is hell on earth. It was close, we had some moments because it was like. Really? So how was the, did JetBlue cover it? No, they gave us a refund, but they didn't give us anything.

Because they were saying it's weather related. It's bullshit though, because it wasn't really weather related. I mean, at least in New York, we took off, but then we circled. There were flights leaving to New York. Dude, so we, I didn't have it as bad as you at all. I mean, you were texting us and I was like,

this is fucking bad. Yeah. But my buddy was supposed to come to the show on Friday and he's like I'm taking a flight out because I don't trust this shit and he got out Wow but once he said that I saw the weather dude get you know I'm with on the road with Gary Veeder he's like I want to go to Joe's stone crab and I was just like let's see all right let's do it I caved I was like fuck it little Gary wants Joe stone crab little Gary gets just stone I'm throwing his hat down He gets what he wants he gets what he wants like the kid in the League of their own

You know the fact he was running up and down the bus hitting people still well, dude He so we're gonna go and then it's like raining to the point that I was like, dude Do you really want to do this? He's like no fuck this so even Gary caved on that Then the next morning we wake up and like I had a lot of I had like probably six Manhattan's the night before So I was like kind of the first delay. I'm like four hours. I'm fine with that. I'll sleep in yeah I'm kind of grateful you're like fuck it, but then we get it's delayed another hour we get there So it's now a five hour delay. We're working with with the airport It's a mess. It's like there's by the way. There's like a flight attendant in the in the lobby

My girlfriend says hi do she like where are you flying and she just like gives her a dirty look I'm like, who this woman's in a mood. Whoa, would you would you believe she's our flight attendant on the flight? Man, we used to have to worry about terrorists now. They're on the plane But the one attendance are I can't I was thinking about that because we're in the air. We're just fucking Circling we finally take off. It's like five hours late. We take off we start circling. I'm watching a movie I'm watching challengers my girlfriend keeps tapping me. She's like she's like why does it say two hours now instead of 120? I'm like, I'm watching a movie. And then I was like, wait, what?

Two hours? Yeah, that's longer than an hour 20. I'm doing the math. Then she goes, now it says Dulles Airport, whatever. In Virginia, I was like, wait, what? And by the way, there's a woman in our, I know, I know. And there's a woman in our row who's batshit crazy and won't shut the fuck up.

She just keeps going like, she's just nonstop talking, she's screaming, she's an old lady who's out of her fucking mind. She's piss drunk. She orders a, I shoot you not, a champagne triple. She goes, give me a triple. I'm like, that's not a thing. Wow.

You can get like a triple of scotch. You don't get a triple, that's three drinks. How long is that flute? It's crazy. So I'm just like, you're anotch. You don't get a triple, that's three drinks. How long is that flute? It's crazy. So I'm just like, you're an idiot. You're a trash bag drunk. So we just keep circling and I'm looking, I'm like, I'm into the movie, it's entertaining,

it's whatever, you know? I'm like, fuck it, give me a drink. So I start drinking again. I'm drinking off this hangover with a little whiskey sodas. And- Have a quadruple. We land and the woman's nuts. She just keeps screaming.

And they go, they landed due to weather stuff. And she goes, they're lying to you. I'm like, oh my God. She's yelling. I'm like, yeah, it's all a big conspiracy, miss. You control it. But anyway, you know, the weather, I'm looking at the weather in New York, it's fine.

So I am like, maybe this fucking old bag's right. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. But they're like, we have to refuel now in Virginia. So I'm just like, refuel. That's at least 30 minutes in my head. Plus, they're not gonna do it immediately. No.

In my head, I'm like, we're looking at least an hour. At least. We're landing in JFK, that's like an hour and a half from home, so I'm kinda like, we're looking at two and a half hours. So my girlfriend's freaking out, I got Winnie on my lap, and she goes, she goes, I need to get off this plane, I don't wanna do this, and I was like, what do you wanna do, rent a car? And she goes, yeah, and I was like, all right, let's do it.

Whoa! I'm controlling your own fate. At a certain point, so then Gary goes, I'm gonna take my chance on the flight. I go, respect, that's fine. Do what you gotta do. You got kids to get back to, I get it. And this is Dulles, where's that?

Yeah, we're in Virginia. In Virginia, got it. So, we get on the car, we get in a rental car. Some guy, this is how fucking drunk and out of it I am at this point, some guy on the air train, we're trying to get to the budget rent a car, she got a car, some guy goes, you look a lot like a comedian.

I go, oh yeah? And he goes, are you that comedian? I go, oh yeah, yeah. And he goes, bad travel day? I'm like, these fucking people. And she hits me, I see he's got three kids with him. His wife goes, no, it's okay. Like it's that bad a day for everybody. She goes, no, it's okay. Like it's that bad a day for everybody.

She goes, no, it's okay. So she gave me like the green light to curse. I was like, all right. And it turns out he worked with my uncle or something in Baltimore. And just got back from like Italy or something. Wait, your uncle's a photographer? Ellen work?

No, that's biological family. My uncle, the doctor. Yeah. La dee da. La dee da. La dee da. Good guy, I'll see him in Baltimore very soon. And recovering from a stroke, love you Uncle Rob. Still drinking, baby.

Still going strong. Call it about Bodega Cat, loving the Bodega Cat. So we get to the budget rent a car and you know, the line's at the fucking door. It's insane. it's like an hour wait just because everyone's trying to get out of there yeah I mean look we had nothing compared to you guys compared to other people they were like we're lucky so it's one of those things where we're just like all right waiting

the line then Gary goes he texts me they're still not taking off whoa he goes I'm rolling with you whoa I go, hop on that fucking shuttle, meet me at the rental car. He goes there, he meets us there, it's been a while. We're still waiting for the car. Wow! Finally, you know, this little, this little mutts running around pissing and shitting

outside the rental car thing. And. Getting anxiety, just hearing this. Oh dude, so then we get the car, well it feels so good, you just hit the music, you're off on the road, Lil' Vito set up his Bluetooth, he's DJing. He's on the dash like a Hawaiian guy, just like a bobble head. My girlfriend's like, what are you guys 90?

Every song Gary's like, twisting the night away, you know, we're cruising, and Gary's motoring the plane, the second we take off in the car he goes, they took off. Oh! Oh shit! But it was like, you know, at that point we were like, we made peace with it, we're controlling our own fate. How many hours of drive is that? We got in at like 2 a.m. probably. Okay. But you know what? Half an hour of driving.

Yeah. And we stopped, we got McDonald's, she was going fucking nuts. No jokes, I said, hey I bought you dinner buddy, that's all I can say. Now we got McDonald's, really fucking, I hadn't had in a while, I mean, the nuggets hold up, I bought you dinner, buddy. That's all I can say. Now we got McDonald's. Really fucking I hadn't had in a while man. The nuggets hold up. I got a McChicken too. Stunk. Stunk. It's all bad It's all bad. The nuggets are good though. The nuggets still work. I gotta say the fries are just like

They're just so good. I don't love them. I love those McDonald's fries. People love them. You don't love them? I don't know they're this it's like cardboard. They're soggy, there's nothing going on there. I'll take a Raleigh's fry any day. I'll take a Wendy's fry. Really, but not McDonald's. Not McDonald's, just skinny and stick. I don't know, not for me. But my nugget.

Give me a Polynesian sauce or a Honey Must or a BBQ. How about sweet and sour? Same thing as Polynesian. Oh, is it? I think, yeah. All Polynesian. Well, that's Chick Oh, is it? I think. Yeah. Well, that's Chick-fil-A, I think. Okay.

Yeah, I like a little barbecue too. Oh yeah. Yeah, we went to town, had a fucking Oreo McFlurry. I was like, I fucking hate myself. Wow. Who gives a shit? I didn't order it, she ordered it, took one bite and goes, I'm done.

I go, you fucking bitch. I just fucking shoveled it in my mouth. It's like, what, you think I have willpower? You didn't eat a stone crab, but you're a little crabby. We got in late. But at that point it becomes an adventure and you're kind of like, as much as this day sucks you're like, at least you're fucking, at least you get home. It's a John Hughes film at the end of the day.

It's a comedy of errors, you know, you made it work. Yeah, but those travel, I mean you had the rough one. That's rough. That's rough that's rough dude 20 hours we did four hours each person drove four hours oh so it's only eight hours no we dropped off it was 15 15 hours straight no nap no nap oh yeah I met when she was driving she met when I was wow 15 hours doesn't seem that bad for Orlando for some reason that's bad I mean it's bad but it seems like to Florida yeah it does seem longer you still hug that coast I assume yeah damn that's wild

yeah I had the thing about the flight delay is you go you get to the airport your flights at 11 you go ah they're delayed an hour motherfucker then they get delayed four hours, you're like, I would kill for an hour delay. It's funny how you just keep going back, oh, I'd kill for a five hour delay, because it keeps going. I did a Sunday, Minneapolis,

I had a gig in Rochester, Minnesota, where the Mayo Clinic is. Rochester, Minnesota, real dive, real shit hole. So that night, me and the opener drove back to Minneapolis. I'm like, I'm gonna be a good traveler. I'm driving back to Minneapolis. It's an hour and a half. I'm gonna fly out of the Minneapolis airport

so I don't have to connect in Rochester anymore. Direct flight, eight hour delay. I must have eaten so much lounge food. Thank God for the lounge. Thank God for the lounge. Yeah, but sometimes you don't have lounge access either. You're just- That's true. And when it's overrun with people at the airport when it's bad. It's fucking bad. It's bad

It's bad in the line around the block for the help desk and then everybody's on the phone It's like you have an eight-hour wait on the phone for a talking person when you go representative Well, you can tell how bad it's getting because when there's like a two-hour delay, I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna be productive. I'm gonna work. Yeah, drink some coffee. Then it's like three or four hours. You're like I'm getting fucking hammered Yeah There's a shift. There's a shit and your your bar goes down on your phone, too You're like, ah fucking I'll watch this two-hour QAnon documentary. Yeah, like how did I get here? Dude? You know what doc? I just watched it so good. Have you seen the Pete Rose doc on the X?

It's good. I hear it's great. Have you guys, Matt, you seen it? He's a wild dude. Dude, he's kind of a piece of shit, but he's so fascinating. He's like a caveman with a gambling problem. He should be in the hall of fame.

Yeah. I mean, he's out. They just won't let him in. But he bet on his own team at least. Yeah, true, true. I don't, am I crazy? I mean I guess it's fucked up when you're managing them because he was also managing them

so you can make weird subs. But like you're betting on your team to win. If you bet against your team, you're a fucking monster obviously. Right. But if you bet on your team, you could rest closers for the next day. There's things you can do. I hear that.

Yeah. I hear that. But aren't most coaches always trying to win? True. True, true, true. I mean, I guess it's a little reckless, but like, I don't think it's banned for life from baseball records. But on days you're not betting on your team, you're technically betting against your team. You're telling every bookie bet against us. But there was a part of the doc, I'm not giving anything away,

but there's a part where he's like, I'd be better off in baseball if I was an alcoholic, a drug addict, or I beat my wife. Oh shit. And he's like, I didn't do any of those. And Ty Cobb beat his wife, he's in the Hall of Fame. Yeah, good point. Ty Cobb was like trying to cleat people.

It's crazy, but- Didn't he bang a minor? He did something crazy. He did, that was bad. If you wanna fucking, I like that he's like people, it's crazy. Didn't he bang a minor? He did something crazy. He did, that was bad. If you wanna fucking, I like that he's like, I wasn't alcoholic, I'm like, he did fucking underage shit. It was a 16 year old woman, which he said was the legal age.

That was a woman, that was the legal age in Cincinnati. Oh. But also if you know that, you're kind of a man. Yeah. Right? Right, right. So he was like, yeah, she was 16, but then she claims they did it before 16

and there's like grooming stuff. Look, just fucking a 16 year old is disgusting. Yeah. So, but yeah, he's an odd guy. My thing is like, I read a quote, there was this guy, cause I was looking, I was at the airport for a long time, so I'm reading the back, I hit the book,

and I'm reading the quotes, and that guy, Jeff Perlman, who wrote a bunch of great stuff, did the Showtime book, was like, I hate Pete Rose, I think he's a long time, so I'm reading the back, I hit the book, and I'm reading the quotes, and that guy Jeff Pearlman, who wrote a bunch of great stuff to the Showtime book was like, I hate Pete Rose, I think he's a terrible person, but after reading this book, I realized he's one of the most fascinating people. Like you just can't tell the story of baseball, that means the hit king, dude.

Is he really? That's the most hits. 42, 156, I think, something crazy. Wow. But that's like, dude, you get 3,000 hits. It's insane All right, you're in the Hall of Fame for Wow I mean you're in the Hall of Fame with less often, but 3,000 you're like you have to be in basically He had over 4,200 hits 4,256 Wow what that's crazy HBO. Where could I find? Yeah, it's Max

Oh good. It's a good one dude. It's you love it. I can't wait. You'll love these ones. Yeah. Sports. He was like, you could hit, I saw an interview with him recently. He was like, you could play for 20 years straight, get 200 hits a year, which is like peak performance, and still be 500 hits shy of my record.

Damn. What is it with talented people that are sociopathic or something? You know, you always hear about these guys who are all fucked up and nuts and fucking 16 year olds, but can't deny the talent. Yeah, I think you just sort of like, I don't give a shit. I think a lot of people overthink stuff,

and a guy like this is like, you're not using this, there's a part of your brain you're not using. You're not like, should I do this? You're just like, no, I'm doing this. His nickname was Charlie Hussle. It was like sarcastically given it to him I think was Whitey Ford and Mickey Mantle were mocking him well they go oh check out Charlie Hussle here because he was like hustling for every play that didn't matter and it was given to him

sarcastically but he took it as like a compliment and he ran with it and that's why everyone called him Charlie Hussle and he was like a fucking psycho just hustle for every play and it is intimidating. There's clips of him taking out the catcher, just running him over. Wow. I mean look at that, that's like a violent dive right there. Yeah, that's iconic.

Wow, I can't wait to watch. It's cool man, it was a good one. All right, I'm on, I'm on it. I watched the Paul Simon doc. Good. Snooze fist. I'm on it. I watched the Paul Simon doc. Good. SnoozeFist, I love Paul Simon and I love Gibney, the guy who directed it, Alex Gibney, who did Going Clear and all the other great ones.

Oh, that was a great one. I just rewatched that again, unbelievable. So good. Tom Cruise really skated that, he did not look great in that. No. Need the Travolta for being a little disclosed. But yeah, Paul Simon, Borango.

It was Elon Musk boring company. That's what I'm calling it. Brutal. Damn, all right, what was that on? HBO, I believe. Yeah, I couldn't get through it. I won't watch. See?

Five minutes in. Not everything warrants a doc is a thing. Agreed. There's so many docs now. However, Dirty Pop about the, what's that guy's name who started the Nsync and... I know you're the fat guy with the glasses. Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah, I jerked off to it. No. Better than Finger Pop, that's what they call the Nickelodeon one. You know what else? You know what, by

the way, we started years ago being there at your place, the Peter Seller. Oh yeah! Did you finish it? I finished it. Hey! How'd you like it? I loved it. I loved it.

It's incredible. Brilliant movie. The message in that is brilliant. Like hey, it's all people will manufacture anything and they'll put their shit on you and as long as you just sit there. That's a Salacuse wreck right there. This would be a great Chris Farley role if he was still here Look at this guy's just in hog heaven. He's surrounded by a couple of preteen

pubescence Damn. Living the dream. Yeah, I was like I don't care we started the Nickelback doc the other night So I was like yeah, it's just there. I watched part of it too. I was like I don't care like I don't I'm not one of those people that's like fuck Nickelback I don't I just don't care like I was watching I was like why yeah same well They were huge they were like the number one man, and then the whole world 180'd on them isn't that funny how that work like the the Zite guys is so fascinating we love this bad. Holy shit platinum records a million sold out arenas

You know what this man sucks yeah okay yeah they suck fuck them it's almost like people like well they're not that good and then you hold that against them or something yes I just didn't think it warranted like an actual movie that's happening in Justin Timberlake now like oh is that right yeah he can't do right at all used to be beloved that's just him driving can't go right at all, I used to be beloved. That's just him driving, can't go right. And now people are really coming for him. Really? Yeah, yeah.

I didn't even know that. It's because he had two allegations back to back that Janet Jackson doc dropped where he looked bad ripping her shirt open. And then Britney Spears put out a book saying he forced me to have an abortion in the Mickey Mouse days and they were like, oh yeah, yeah, we're done with this guy. Well I gotta say after seeing her with the knives,

might have been the right choice. I think you might have been a hero looking back. Yeah, yeah that's not what you want when you're getting your kids circumcised. Shhh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Anihana. He was fucking, he came off real bad though for a while. Yeah.

And then people just turn on you. Oh yeah. It seems like zero celebrities have a perfect record. You know, it's almost. Of course, no one, no humans pitch in a perfect game. Exactly, exactly. Like this guy, you know, got her forced to get an abortion. You're like, all right, everybody's done shit.

Who cares, get out of here. So should we be more forgiving? Yes, we should. Yeah, you don't have to be out of here. Should we be more forgiving? Yes! We should. Yeah, you don't have to be more accepting, but you gotta be more forgiving. Yeah. You have to, you have to, it's insane.

But also, he's doing fine. Yeah. He's doing fine. He's great. It's just, you know, maybe he's not selling the tickets he sold 20 years ago, but he's not fucking, like, who cares? He's doing fine.

I heard JLo's not not selling and my first thought is all right, it's not just me. You know, isn't that nice when a big giant celebrity can't sell a ticket and you're like all right, it's hard. She can sell a ticket. I think her bar is like arena tour everywhere. That's true. So, you know.

Yeah, but she canceled a bunch of them. I'm not gonna say who, but there's a huge comic I was talking to the other night and he was like, I just keep saying I'm sick because I can't fill up all these places. And I was like, I didn't know we could do that. That's a good move. I've just been going to Rochester, Minnesota and playing to a 20% sold room. And yelling out to the rafters. I've canceled before. You have to.

Every once in a while they put you in a place that you're just like, Yeah, this is not fillable for a huge ad. Yeah, I know, what is that? I'm doing Duluth and they put you in like a 3,000 seater, you're like, it's crazy. I know, every once in a while you look at that, you're like, what? But then that's not on you, that's on your agent, man. I guess so, but I'm like, give me two shows

at the 400 seater, let's start there and then we'll just add shows. Yeah, because we don't mind doing more shows. No, I did a club weekend this week, I had a blast. Where were you? I was in Louisville, Kentucky, the Louisville Comedy Club. Oh, was it good?

I think I did that a while back. It's a good room and it's a good town and the audiences are great, but I was like, this is so nice to, because I've been doing Friday, Saturday theater, you know, one Friday, one Saturday, and then fly home Sunday. This was like, got there Thursday, opened up the suitcase, hung up the shirts in the closet

in the shitty hotel, you know? And then like, writing in the hotel room. I stayed in that shitty hotel. Aloft, right on Main Street. Not good. Not good. And yeah, it was nice to be in a town for three days instead of in and out.

You know what I like about any city in Kentucky? It doesn't matter where you go. They got a sweet bourbon select. Oh yeah, all day long. You could be in like a fucking random bar and it's like 25 pages. Yes, yes. Even the club has some sweet shit. Oh yeah.

I was drinking something and they were like, oh that's a barrel that they make. It tastes like the ocean because because they drive it around, and it fucking just, it's in the ocean. Wow. So that's what I, and I was like, holy shit, I smell the ocean. Yeah. You know?

That's called, ah, shit. Cut that. What was the name of that submarine that sank? The Titanic? No, no, the latest one. Oh, the one that saying looking for the Titanic With the five billionaires on it now that would have been a good joke if I could think of the reference, but yeah Angels envy all that shit old Forrester. It's all Kentucky even bodega cat yeah

Fine silky smooth rye whiskey. Yes, what's it called the? The Titan submarine implosion all right? I wouldn't have been great anyway The Titan it didn't have a good ring to it But you know what's weird about Kentucky is you get off the plane and the airport is full of ads for bourbon I'm like should we be advertising bourbon on the at the airport You know just all these pilots are pulling their little wheelie bag like I'll have one You know just all these pilots are pulling their little wheelie bag like I'll have one You know go right in a twin town so it's not a thing that needs a push in that state Yes, I think anyone's like what do I drink in Kentucky right? Oh, yeah? Yeah, the thing that you're all pushing on me the second I land. It's kind of like in Vegas

They have slots at the airport. I'm like do I need I just and then they look and they look great They look great. I'm not gonna slot shame. Yeah, but they got the slots right here I'm like I just pride myself away from the vice and sin of Vegas and you put one right at the airport come on Now I lose everything every little piece of penny. I saved I'm gonna lose it at the airport now That's the thing like fucking Pete Rose was like you know he's broke gambling is such fucking disease. It's horrible think about how much money you can make in your life And if you just didn't gamble that do but he's like doing it's like shows I'm doing like cameos and stuff or whatever doing like 15 hour day ball signings You know wow because he just wants to have some cake you know but yeah

I mean same with you like why the hell's Nicolas Cage and ghostwriter nine oh? Yeah, I mean same with you're like why the hell's Nicolas Cage and Ghost Rider 9? Oh He put his you a gambler. Oh my god. Yeah, that's why he's done so many be like a string of bad movies He had to pay the bills What would ruin your life faster being a gambler or an alcoholic which one you hit that no gamble Well gambles I think more quickly will ruin your life I guess it depends to the extent but like you gamble, it can be gone like that. Yes, booze takes a couple hours at least. But you could get into a drunk driving,

that's true, accident, run over a kid, kill yourself. But like Norm talked about on Howard Stern, he's like, I lost 650 grand in one hand, and he was like, I had zero money, and I had to go back on the road and figure it out. And yeah, crazy. That's someone's life savings. 650 grand?

I might have upped it, but. But that's nuts. Yeah, but when that happens, you're like, yeah, I wish I had a few too many drinks. Yeah, true, true. The alcohol, like, I will say this. I guess both you, like you fuck up a hand, you feel like, ugh, you get too too drunk that hangover is like a punishment

But like fucking up a hand like yeah, that is like Tangible you watch the chips get pulled away. Yes That is your money. Oh or your kids money or your wife's money or your kids a college fund gone Oh here's a story. I was looking for all right. Did I way overshoot it? No $60,000 boy, did I overshoot it? This is a different story. Okay? It's too long here. I'll just shorten it for you Uh oh our guys here hold on basically he made 60,000 and he took it and brought it to the ocean and threw it away wow This way wow

We're on. Hey Dr. Phil everybody. Hey what's the hell? Wow what an honor. We got pineapple and AIDS test. Test not the actual watermelon. Haven't seen a fruit since well you should I feel like you should finish this one. Since something something gay yes since the bar last night wow you smell great you look sharp it's a awkward to do you know Carla day her girl what's a girl from she was a judge on America's yeah next best dancer Carla day Gregor can you look it up for me Jamie it's a migrant I know Carla day I get aquadigio and this bitch

mixed up all the time here it is laid it on thick there Phil well I got a Persian friend that showed me how to do it you know they bathe in cologne Tommy Hill figure polo sport oh yeah cool water cool water that's that was the first cologne I remember my son was wearing when he first fingered a girl. Really? Which was about a couple hours ago. I didn't think it was sent after that. Yeah, you don't want to go inside of it when you've got your finger. There she is.

That'll burn. It burns, so does loneliness though. That's true. Well we've all been through a lonely time. I got some gifts, speaking of being lonely, I got some gifts for you guys. You don't have to do that, Doc. Well I was told specifically by your producer,. Don't come empty-handed. Oh

Yeah, real Jew we move I got bar mitzvah coming up. I can say that we got a will bear will be right back long sleeve Fill shirt and we got one for you mark. Thanks and then one for you, so you can open it yourself You're a hell of a doctor. I'll wear this tonight. All right cool. Thanks. And then one for you Sammy. You can open it yourself. Come on. Wow, you're a hell of a doctor. I'll wear this tonight. All right, cool. Thanks. If you don't like it also, I got a copy of my book. We've got issues. Just a little promo press tour, but we'll talk about a bunch of stuff. Well, we got you some tequila if you're a fan. Do you want to have a drink? Oh, I'd love a daytime drink. I'm a big fan of the show, but I'm a bigger fan of daytime drinking with fun people. Hell yeah.

And I think that's one of the things you guys bring to the table. It's not just good vibes and good energy, but you drink with the right people at the right time. You got that right, fatty. What kind of drink do you want? Do you want a tequila? I'd love a straight tequila.

I mean, I'll suck down some of the Bodega Cat just for sponsor purposes. Thank you. And I have had it before. It is tasty. Hey! Yeah, big fan. Thanks.

You can put that, put my name, put my lips on it. Oh, we have it. Doctor's orders. What is this now? Oh wait, you want ice or no ice? Let's go ice, I'll use like a fat cube. Where are you from, Doc? Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Whoa! You ever been there? I have not, thankfully, but I'm doing a gig there in a month. Let's go. Yeah. Are you on this tour now, Mark, where it's like, let's go to all the cities that I forgot about yes

Yes, David Telecalls of connecting flights to her. Yeah, well you know Hicks calls it the flying saucers tour Yeah, but thank fucking yeah too soon Let's uh, but I think there's something to be said about Showing up for people when they show up for you right here here all these little when they show up for you right here here all these little cunt bags are commenting on your shit on YouTube tell me might as well go see them live and show them what's up thank you you hear that you queefs get out there yeah you got see me live mark norman dot Jeremiah Watkins calm but no I think a day that was funny well to see you guys can I ask you a Dr. Phil question? You're gonna ask me,

I'm an open book. I came on this show, Matt said bring gifts. He said be an open book, bring your own book, and leave your monkey pox at home. Well you got to meet the cash me outside girl. Oh yeah. I think you actually put her over. I put her over the top. The fact that she's on OnlyFans, I feel like I've got a lot to do with. The money she's made since was all her own feel like I've got a lot to do with. The money she's made since was all her own hard work and her own doing. Labia. And grinding, yeah.

If you show Labia, I mean, it's a, look, it's no secret to you or I, you know, you guys know how to run a business. More like gash me outside. Yeah. Sorry. I forgot that gash was an old term for the vagina. Oh, I didn't get that. Let's go through them real quick.

Let's do a little round robin, and whoever runs out first has to take a shot. Pretty cute. Yeah, well there's different shots of her. What is she famous for? She just said catch. She was a real twat to me on camera. Oh, that's right.

And she said, I said, you got some issues going on, but don't sweat, we all do. And I talk about that in my book, We've Got Issues. You got that right. We've all, dude, first of all, cheers. Cheers. that in my book. We've got issues. You got that right We've all do first of all cheers. Good to see you Only see you live on your special same shout out Amazon Prime marky mark YouTube and Netflix. You own those fucking websites She looks like a hot Gaza hostage who this guy Okay, yeah Yeah, she definitely I mean she looks like an AI rendition

of if somebody was like, give me Ricky Martin as a woman. And then AI was like, how's bad baby? They both love Dick. Yeah. Oh, bad baby's her name. I remember where I was when Ricky Martin came out. Please. Isn't that crazy?

I remember where I was on 9-11 and where I was when Ricky Martin came out of the closet. For both cases, donating blood. Panera, oh yeah,, yeah, really too soon Well, wait pull up some of her only fans I want to take a quick gash look possible to get a straw just don't like to get the booze and mustache smart smart You don't want to ruin that that butthole smell Yeah, but she but she uh she went hard in the paint, you know

And again, you show a little bit of skin, it goes a long way. OnlyFans really took advantage of her being like, I don't give a fuck. So Sam, she came on the show, she said, you know, something, something, blah, blah, fucking I'm a bitch. And then I was like, it feels like it. And then something else, I tried to help her. Always try to help, you gotta try to meet them halfway.

And then she said, again, something, something. I tune out sometimes. You ever do a podcast and you're just like. I'm doing it right now. Yeah. I feel like I set you up for that. She walked so Hawk Tooh could spit. No.

I feel like Hawk Tooh is the next. Hawk Tooh is the next bad baby, yeah. I love Bill Maher talking to Hawk Tooh. Oh god. Oh really, you're famous for Hawk Toohing. Oh, that's a good Bill Maher. It's your show, you had her on. Yeah, you had her on, you dumbass.

I'm like mad about it. Also, he was talking to her, thank you so much. Thank you. He was a little, he was starting to get into Harvey Weinstein territory. It was a little flirty. It was a little flirty, she's 21, maybe, I don't know. 22, I believe.

Yeah, and that's her dad to figure out what's going on after that, but Bill Maher was, yeah, just getting in her, and obviously high as balls. I don't think you wanna be a middle-aged man high as balls around a young girl who's known for hocking on cocks. And that's the first time I've said that today.

Can you tell us a little of what made you, made her? I also just love that she's on like a press tour. Like everywhere I look, it's like the hock tour girl. Everywhere, I'll tell you, yeah. We had her on the Dr. Phil. She's pretty funny. She's sharpening. She's shopping. She's not bad.

I like that she's not all about it. I think she seems thrown off and she's like, yeah, this is kinda new, you know? People are like, do stand-up. She's like, I don't know, maybe I'll just live a couple more years. Right, right. Gain some perspective.

Yeah, she's super young and grew up super poor. She's like real hardcore white trash. You know how I was, yeah, totally. Yeah, I think she's a crack baby. I saw her clip on a Whitney's pod and Matt Rife called her up and she said I'm a crack baby. And it didn't seem like a joke. It's hot enough outside without having an extra coat

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Aw, you gotta give it that hawk. Toos. Toos on that thing. I love that southern accent. Does the accent turn you on, Mark? Does the accent turn you on? I like the southern accent. The accent's fun, yeah.

The spin's a little aggressive. My wife Robin's more of a, she licks her hand and. Oh, wow. I thought this was a safe space, okay. I thought we could talk about it. It's rude forever though, it's like Pete Davidson,. I thought this was a safe space, okay. It's rude forever though. It's like Pete Davidson, everyone knowing he's got a huge cock,

cause if you see it now, he's gonna bit about it. They're gonna be like, eh. That's true. Same thing, she sucks a dick now, you're gonna be like, eh, she didn't hock to her. Yeah, good point. Oh wow, yeah, whoever hooks up with her next is gonna be, the bar's been set, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Where's Pete these days, who's he fucking? I think he's a I think he's bad baby bad baby wouldn't be great if he just went down a hole like where are they now you know people to fuck like he just went through like the whole celebrity rehab and and just you know him and LeVar Burton end up in a menage à trois I already is with these Kamala's VP I think she chose it get the fuck out he's got to do the way Tarantino brings back actors maybe Pete Davis could be like bring back pussy oh great I haven't He's Kamala's VP. I think she chose him. Get the fuck out of here. He's gotta do, the way Tarantino brings back actors, maybe Pete Davis could bring back pussy.

Oh, that's a great idea. I haven't heard about her in a while, Pete Foxer. That could be kinda fun. Yeah, sure. Andy Cohen to mediate, hey, come on out whores. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking about Pete. Yeah, the last time I was with a whore was probably,

I wanna say Reno. You guys have performed there. Whore heaven. It's whore heaven. And even if they're not whores, they're thinking about it. Oh yeah. Reno's got that, there's something in the water there where everyone's just like, fuck it, you know?

Yeah, it's gonna play me. It's Tuesday somewhere. Awful. Right, yeah. I think my opener, I did a casino in Reno, I think my opening line was, I've never seen fake tits in an oxygen tank on the same person. Yeah.

I think that's a country song. I'm my favorite. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a country song. Not my favorite. Yeah. Yeah, it's a tough town. It's sadder than Vegas somehow. Totally. A lot of meth, a lot of weird, it's zombies in the street. A lot of Ninja Turtle mesh jerseys.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Weird things, you didn't even get that at Goodwill. You made that. That's true. Yeah, it's kind of like AC. Ever go to AC or as I say, Vegas with AIDS. Atlantic City. Yeah. Yeah, it's a it's it's kind of like AC everybody AC or as I say Vegas with AIDS Atlantic City. Yeah Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, there's a ton of HIV there, but it's one of the it's one of the casinos that you know

They try hard they want to be like, you know, they want to be like a place where sting will perform, right? But he ain't going there. He ain't going maybe you know, maybe little kiss, you know Yeah midget man, maybe you'll see them on a fucking Friday afternoon. Yeah. Well they're very smart because they built a casino in a place where you walk three feet out, you're like this is terrifying. Yeah.

You could build a casino in Gaza and you'd be like, what's better than out there? That's no rude, yeah good point. By the way, Little Kiss, they should've gone with Peck. All right. Is that a Willow joke? Well I'm just saying, you got Little Kiss. Oh, oh, a Peck, okay. Peck is a little kiss. A Peck joke? Well, I'm just saying you got little kids. Oh, a peck.

Peck is a little kid. A peck on the cheek. I got it. I was thinking of Mad Martigan when he called the dwarves pecks. Oh wow, what a deep hole. Maybe that's why he did it. Oh! Val Kilmer was like, you're a peck.

You're a little kiss. Yes. You're a little thimble. You ever see Willow Sam? I haven't. Oh, I do. It's been fun. Thanks a lot, guys. I usually can't hang Sam? I haven't. Oh, I do have a Willow skin, right? Thanks a lot, guys.

I usually can't hang around people who haven't seen Val Kilmer's finest cinematic achievement. Hell of a film. Better than Tombstone? What's that, the pizza? Aw, I gotta get out of here. Okay, look at us just fake leaving. Nah.

Willow is, yeah, I mean this guy. The good movie? It's phenomenal. Who is that, Pelosi? Tugs of your heartstrings? Oh? Funny that's heard about 15 years 15. She's already 91. I think is she really no that's Kathy Bates Who is Kathy? No, that's Rachel Ray. Who is that the guy the little? Oh, that will of good by the way you can't even have a cool dwarf name of good is your last name I don't think that's a name. I'd rather be named fucking Fartstab.

Ufgood. Or Cockring. Oh yeah, boy look at young Val. Yeah, that's a hot guy pre whatever he went through. Yeah, I think throat cancer, much like Michael Douglas. Douglas, well Val got it just from life and Michael got it from. Top shelf, Catherine Hitta Jones Poonan.

Now is that really, did he really do that? Did he really got it from Top shelf, Catherine Hitta Jones, Pooh 9. Now is that really, is that really, did he really do that? Did he really get it from that? Apparently. Because that's a great story. It's a weird thing to blame it on. It is. He's in the hospital, he's like,

you did this to me, you fucking bitch. Do you think he panicked? Do you think his friends were like, throat cancer, we told you to stop smoking, he goes, I was, I don't do it with Michael Douglas. That was an RFK? That was, yeah? My Douglas RFK are pretty much the same you know how like Johnny Depp and Eddie Vedder pretty much the same impression. See who is that? I can't tell that's Johnny or that's Eddie yeah. Well you see a Shalamu Timothy Shalamu

is playing Bob Dill. Oh I thought you were gonna say Eddie Vedder I could see him as Bob Dill. Yeah it looks great sounds great gonna say Eddie Vedder. I could see him as Bob Dill. Yeah, he looks great, sounds great, the trailer's fun. God damn. That's the last time I wanna look at Michael Douglas. Is that him? He's getting old. Yeah, I hate that.

He's in his 80s, buddy. That's my least favorite part about life, aging. What about you, Sam? What do you hate the most this time of year? Geez, this fucking weather, man. Oh, it's too hot. You're struggling, right? Muggy.

Yeah, it's a little, I mean, look, I definitely had to go in and out of a Nordstrom rack on the way here, just to kind of get the veins cooled down. Yeah, that's what I call fucking an old person. Yeah. Coming out of Nordstrom, if you know what I mean. Yeah, oh yeah. That is one of those things that I forget

when I come to this city. I forget, I do like the smells. A lot of people probably shit on the city for the smells. I love it. I think it adds a little flavor. I live in Los Angeles and Texas part time and it's a lot of milky, cokey vibes. You know?

Yeah, I like that. But see, with the problem in New York is people shit and piss everywhere and then the heat brings it out. Bakes it, yeah. It bakes it like your cologne. Yeah, well, okay, well, you just talked yourself out of a coupon for a free bottle of it.

What sort of cologne do you wear, Mark? I go secret for women. I'm strong enough for a man. So, Elliot Payne. You look more like a Fruity Pebbles guy. Like you just take the milk, the residue, and just rub it on your tits. I love residue.

Favorite cereal, don't even think. Oh, you know what it is, say it. What's my favorite cereal? It's a cracklin' oat bran. Wow, that was the biggest power move. Because it's his favorite too. Oh, okay. What are you, a nine year old uncle?

Cracklin' oat bran. That's what I said. They don't even make that, you have to go on eBay to buy that. Exactly. And guess what I do? I get all my cereals on eBay. Wait a second, dude, they haven't even make that you have to go on eBay to buy that. That's what I do. I get all my cereals on Wait a second do they haven't even upgraded the box Sam It's still the same font. It looks like slave or KKK font

It does can you say that and it looks like old turds it looks like old turds The berries aren't doing anything to disguise the shitty nuggets that I'm staring at. Well give me your guys' favorites. I like Reese's peanut butter. There you go, like a true gay guy. Put that peanut butter, give me the chunky. Give me the peanut butter, don't put it on the dog, put it right on me. I'll say this, I'm a big Frosted Flakes guy, Tony the Tiger, I've done a lot of conferences with a guy that was dressed like him.

Oh, they're great? They're pretty good, they're not bad, I wouldn't like him. Oh, they're great. There are they're pretty good. They're not bad I wouldn't say they're great. They're just they're fine. This is a little boring of a choice Don't you think boring the Tigers a good mascot Cheerios? I'm a honey nut Cheerios. I'll fuck with but if you really want to know if I'm if I take a couple rips of a gravity Bong yeah and watch an Amy Schumer special. I usually go right into Boy, let's say I'm gonna say Froot Loops or Trix. Trix is solid.

Froot Loops is fuckin' solid. Don't sleep on Froot Loops. Froot Loops are fuckin' good, dude. And they hold up and you can leave them out for days. Let's say you got a cat, and you know cats, you can leave them alone for a couple years, right? You come back, cat's dead, Froot Loops still live and tickin'. Not like Cracklin, Oatbrand,

or whatever the fuck you're feeding your moles. Took me a second there, we'll edit this out. Fruit Loops are fine. Fruit Loops are slap time for sure. How about Fruity Pebbles though? Fruity Pebbles, I'll go to town for those, I'll go to bat for those. They get too soggy, you're eating a paste.

I hate that paste. Well you're just eating paste Mark, I've seen your vlogs. That's true. Were you a paste kid as a kid? No, come. What was he? No, yeah. Were you a pace kid as a kid? No, come. What was he? No, yeah.

Were you a, cause you both strike me as guys that dared the kid, the fucked up kid, to lick a slug or eat a fart. Yeah, yeah. Which one was it? I was definitely light in farts. You were light in farts. But I didn't want to subject.

I was the one who would be dared to do it. Oh yeah? For the laugh, right? For the laugh. We all I think had For the laugh, right? For the laugh. We all I think had that in us, right? And you know me, more as I've gotten older, early on it was like I just wanna help but now I wanna get the chuckle in, you know?

Yeah. It's fun, I see what you guys do. It looks like a lot of fun. Oh yeah, we all had that one guy growing up where you're like I dare you to jump off the roof onto that. The first parkour guy, yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Totally, yeah. We had a teacher. We dare That was harder to do in New York City. I dare to jump off that roof. Yeah, I am fucking dead Yeah, let's just spider-man or wire Yeah, is that what happened to him? No? Son oh fuck yeah, I barely got the energy It's okay Yeah, go ahead. Did the other Dr. Phil acknowledge you?

Oh yeah. Wait, wait, who? Who? Who are you talking about? Yeah, okay, we're gonna do that. Yeah, this is me right now. There's another guy walking around. Sure, there's another guy walking around.

Yeah, it's all good. He's a fan. Yeah, he's a fan, yeah. That's good. What about you? Is the other Simpsons comic book guy out there? Does he acknowledge that you're the real life version of an animated historical figure? What's on your porn search right now? Pull it up. Can I guess?

Oh, I dare you. I bet it's black babysitter and then you type in like some weird toy attached to it. You do have the vibe that you'd be into black chicks. Yeah, black chicks. You got the old school New York Italian thing. It's because of De Niro. Yeah, I bet you're like Pakistani massage or something well You got yelled at by a ghetto chick on the subway in like 1988 of course he did and his dick never recovered Two inches and it was just like damn it. That's right

Doesn't auto fill porn hub doesn't auto fill for me. I was just joking anyway, but what's going on with Texas? No porn no porn. I tried to look some up in the hotel fine. I was just joking anyway. What's going on with Texas? No porn. No porn. I tried to look some up in the hotel and I was just like, I guess I'm going analog. Get the fuck out of here. Not great. That's real, you can't look at porn.

Land of the free. My ass. So you have to type in what, a password? Or it's just legal, you have to download your shit and bring it? Yeah, or get a magazine or a DVD, but LobsterTube works. What's Lobster Tube? That's a weirdo massage. Sounds like something Rogan came up with. He's probably

got access to all the sites, right? I think anything in Texas they shut down, him and Ted Cruz, they still got it. Yeah, there's Lobster. Dear God. They've got everything. I recognize most of these gals. I think we've had them on the show or they went to middle school with that middle one. Search bar and type in Dr. Phil. Let's just see if it's Dr. Phil. Hey, this is a fun game called Let's Just See. You never know.

Never know. All right, this is all just a couple doctors. Yeah, and a guy named Phil. Yeah. All right. Speaking of huge hogs, being back in New Yorker is getting me fired up. We actually, and I want to mention this before we get too fucked up doing some live theater dates

with the show whoa Beacon Theater November 15 I know you guys are fucked with that that's all it's a beauty trying to follow your footsteps and then we got the Miller and Philly on October 25th Capitol One Hall in DC on the 26th Celebrity Theater in AZ on December 6th. Damn, what's around? And then the San Diego Civic Center on December 7th. These are big rooms there, man. Huge rooms, maybe too big. DC's already about sold out, so that's cool. Wow!

DC's a great one. Yeah, the Capital One Hall, you been there? The great one. I think I said Warner, I did the Warner last time. The Warner's cool too. They told us Tyson's Virginia was where all the, all the fatties were. Isn't there where Shane shot us?

Yeah. Okay, cool, yeah, but Beacon should be were. Isn't there where Shane shot us? Yeah. Okay, cool, yeah. But Beacon should be great. I've seen a lot of fun stuff there. That's November 15th. All the tickets at AdamRayKami.com. Amazing. You're gonna need some big space to fill up

if Oprah shows up. She is a hefty, hefty black lady. She's a big one. She goes back and forth, but we all fluctuate. She flux. I mean, don't say it too many times because Saleky's might get wood. Yeah. She fluxes, I mean don't say it too many times because Salakis might get wood. Yeah.

She fluxes good I hear. She does, she does. She's got, there's that Jewie guy. There's a few comedians I try to really support in their up and up. Looking hunky there. Stavros, this fucking Jew and then, what's her name, Debra Giovini?

Sure. Yep, yep. She's funny. And then you guys of course, I've Giovini? Sure. Yep, yep. She's funny. She's funny. And then you guys of course, I've been following you guys since the guy code days. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Deep cut. But anyway, check it out. And then Adam Ray's got a special like and subscribe on YouTube. Oh, is that on CISO? CISO, Tooby. Oh yeah. You think Tooby will ever get back in the game?

Jeremy Tooby. They're in the game. They are in the game. But it's a weird game. It is weird. Can I tell you a quick Tubi story? So I'm on a deep dive, right? In Texas, no porn.

Rogan wouldn't return my text. So I said, well what the fuck do I do? Go to Tony Hinchcliffe's house and sit in his hot tub? He didn't have it yet. So I said, I'm gonna pull up Tubi and just bounce around and scroll. I scrolled for about 20 minutes, Sam, before I locked in on a Michael Jackson movie

that was on Lifetime, but Tubi bought it, of course. And it was through the eyes of the security guard. And the guy that played Michael Jackson, I think was an Asian guy, don't cancel me, but he, every other scene had a different voice and accent. First scene he was like, you know, I just don't know if I can go on tonight. Next scene he was like, I'm fucking hungry.

And you're like, who is this guy? And what'd you do with Daniel Day-Lewis? But the movie was fucking dog shit, but I watched it all. What's it, about his childhood? I think I saw that too. Little bit of the childhood, but also a little bit of what what was going on, you know,

when he went to like a mall in Vegas, remember when he'd buy like Celine Dion's vocal cords or, you know, Jeremy Renner's, you know, butt plug, you know, remember he always spent millions on like weird vases and art, you know. Coco the monkey. He bought the monkey. A fucking, what do you call those things, roller coaster? The roller coasters, yeah. That kind of money you're just here He is yeah, that's weird. Yeah

You lose taste and you go for weird. Yeah, and that's where this story Sorry had a mac and cheese portable on the way over here I think the Rock owns a like a piece of a t-rex well. Yeah, you got to if you're the Rock yeah So oh wow remember these years. I're the Rock. Yeah, so, oh wow, remember these years? I own The Rock movie on DVD. Go ahead Sam. What's the weirdest thing that you've used for your money Dr. Phil?

I probably, I rented out a small space in West Hollywood, like a little one act theater space, and we did an act out, a kind of a stage reading of that Sean Connery clip where he told Barbara Walters you can hit women. We just did of a stage reading of that Sean Connery? Clip where he told Barbara Walters you can hit women. Mmm. We just did like a stage reading of that We had a bunch of celebrities come through we had Breckenmire from Garfield. Oh, yeah We had Richard kind who's been in everything right Bugs life I think and then we had a guy who knew Sean Connery and then we had who else? Candace Cameron Bure, who apparently hates trans people. Is that a she?

Don't quote me on that, but I read something that said like, you know, full house ain't so full if you're at Candace's Thanksgiving. Well, she's a big release. Big it, no, just stop there, she's a big it. That's what it is, she's a big it, yeah. DJ Tanner. Well, her and Kirk Cameron,

you ever see that Piers Morgan? I think, I don't watch Piers Morgan anymore Because you know I got to be but but Piers Morgan did this whole interview where he was like Kurt Cameron, what's up with gays? I forget how he phrased the question But Kurt Cameron had said something about like yeah, it's man in a woman time. It's not man in man time That's fucking gross and areas boom. God. You're good. James first name again. Is it really? Okay, Matt, thank you brother Oh, yeah, nice pause Kurt. It's it's yeah, it's unnatural. We got it. Yeah, it's it's detrimental

Look at this guy ultimately destructive detrimental of the so many of my dreams I have so many gay dreams. He's gotta be I'm Kirk Cameron I can't stop taking a melatonin gummy and dreaming of butt fucking that's what he wanted to say But he's like, let me just turn this on them You know when you get off stage and you have like a mediocre set you guys are always throwing darts against the wall So I love you. You guys fucking press the envelope. Hell yeah. Take that fist in the air, put it to mine. But I think that Kirk's doing the opposite.

Instead of when you get off stage and you go, shitty crowd, you guys are good at going, now what the fuck did I do? Kirk gets off and goes, look at those gay guys fucking the park. Yeah. I don't know where he is, where that's happening. But he sees it and instead of going,

I'm fucking turned on by that, he goes, that's unnatural. Right. I mean, I don't know, we can keep this in turned on by that. He goes that's unnatural right? I mean, I don't know we can keep this in or take it out boy. I mean, that's the weird thing when you when you a hard-to-hard he wanted to say Everything's boner with this guy who was a character on the show and getting fucked in the ass is a growing pain. Yep We'll be right back. There we go. We'll keep her right here going. I want to see more of that Oh, that was I'll send you a link. I'll send you four. Look at how young Pierce is.

Is this a question if my kid was gay? Yeah. Okay great. Sorry, keep going Matt. say, you know, there's all sorts of issues that we need to wrestle through in our life. And just because you feel one way doesn't mean you should act on everything. Hey, pause, Matt. We do have all issues. And I talk about that in my book, We've Got Issues, chapter 26. Don't let Kirk Cameron stop you from that grinder date. So it's a short chapter. It's like it pierced in the bottle. Some people would say that telling kids that being gay is a sin or getting married is a sin Mm-hmm that itself is incredibly destructive and damaging in a country with seven states now have legalized it

Yep Having a gay son oh he's like it's not an accomplishment. You know everybody's like I'm proud of my gay son He's like being gay is an accomplishment. It's you know it's one thing if you're, my son went to law school, Harvard Law and graduated. How about you? He loves cock. Super funny. That's a great Norm joke. The thing about Kirk Cameron that I miss is I guess his ability to, you know, he could hit a punch line in a kitchen next to Alan Thicke. Wow. Another penis related guy in his life. Thicke. Thicke.

He probably had a tough time even looking at his TV dad, because he was thinking about cock the whole time. Well, how about this Olympian with the huge hog that lost him the gold? We got to talk about it. I've seen too many clips. And I don't feel bad for him. No.

I do feel ashamed for his family that you didn't know to tuck that shit or tape it up. Buffalo Bill that shit. Buffalo Bill that shit. I think there's part of me, I don't know how talented he is, but part of me thinks he did that on purpose to get his shine.

To get a fleshlight sponsor. This is male Hawk Tua. Yeah, well I mean. Get a fleshlight sponsor. He lost the gold medal, but he's gonna be just thriving at every bar in the world. Yeah, he gets to go to one at the bar and go, I'm the guy who lost.

Why'd you lose? Yeah. Let me show you the clip, bitch. Let me show you the clip. In fact, they're playing at the bar because every bar has Chav TV. Yeah, Chav TV. Shout out.

Yeah, he lost the, I mean that is, look at that. Everyone's doing, everyone's doing, yeah look at that, RFK's. Find it on the phone, too many people talking about it. And he's a French guy too. I know. Now riddle me this, Sam, do French guys historically have, do they get the gift of penis?

You know, it's not my area of expertise, Doc, don't you lie to me. If the Jamaican runner can tape up his slong, this guy can hide his... John Candy can coach Jamaican bobsled team. I think this guy can somersault his winger to a fucking press one. I think it was gonna be a white guy

who knocked that down with his deck. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's a great point. It also looked, I mean, it didn't just hit it. It looked like he was trying to wrap itself around the, that was a real boy. Oh, yeah moment Feel the rhythm feel the rhyme come on everybody. It's big cock-tuck That's a good Jamaican accent. I take back what I said on the internet Resting on there like a like a canary

I wonder what happened when the cut is there footage of the commentators when it went down because you know They played this shit on repeat. Oh, yeah, his dreams have come to a close. It was only just a little colder in here Go to the Winter Olympics you guys are quick did Snoop Dogg Did Snoop Dogg commentate this? Oh, yeah, good question. Does that be fun? He's making bank. I hear what would you guys do that? Yeah, I'm a heartbeat. I think that's next. It's a making bank. I hear what would you guys do that? Yeah, I think that's next It's a good trip. I used to think you know remember when they put Dennis Miller in the Monday night football booth Oh, yeah, it's okay. I don't I didn't love it. That's the right fit No, I would have I would rather adapt time

I want to put Frank Caliendo in there or just have voice after voice calling downs, you know I got him Ray would have been perfect. He would have been okay, a little dewy for my taste, a little hacky. Yeah, well Theo Vaughn did a couple of Monday nights. Theo Vaughn did, oh he did, well the college football. College football, that was it. Oh, he ripped it up on there. You do need a character, right?

Yeah. Because Theo's actually from Burbank, which is the crazy part, the accents all put on. I don't care for comics with characters. It's a hair piece I heard too. It's a hair piece. Oh really? We've all got hair pieces at some point. These character comics, I don't get it. I don't care for comics with characters. It's a hair piece I heard too. It's a hair piece. Oh really? We've all got hair pieces at some point.

These character comics, I don't get it. I don't get it. Well, we'll take a break and we'll see if you do get it, Mark. Just be yourself. Okay, well, sometimes mixing it up is the way to break through, you know? Very strange. Sometimes as long as no one's fucking with you as yourself

and you gotta take some chances. We're having a good time. Guys, what's your favorite color? It's not black. No, but I gotta say, you're selling out the comedy store. Like, hotcakes. We gotta talk about this. Marky Marky came on, Sammy, we gotta make that happen.

I know you. Whenever you're out there. Come on, I wanna do it. Try to make it work. We'll figure it out. Whatever you're out there next. It was supposed to be me and Chrissy back in the day. It was supposed to be you and Chrissy, yeah.

And then Chrissy canceled a few times. And then Chrissy Teigen. Oh wow, that's a good thing. I got a Chrissy Stefano peeve, can this be my peeve? Yeah, let's peeve it up. We've done a ton of casinos together lately, we're both building back up. I love that.

We're doing casinos together. Sure. He brings his fucking family on every gig. No, you can't do that. I thought this was gonna be party time. Yeah, it's party time. Yeah, excellent. Last time it was just one daughter.

Yep. This time, it's the whole family. Oh. I think you gotta swap him out, bring in Rob Lowe. That's who you're toing with now. I like it. I think you're bringing Stavi.

Stavi, yeah. I mean, look, if you're going to a casino, you know, first time I met Gary Veeder, was when I joined along, him and Adam Ray did a casino in Minnesota. Oh, fuck. I think Mystic Lake. Are we going there?

We might be in Minnesota. And that's, they actually Are we going there? We might be in Minnesota. And they actually saw Little Kissed here. You can ask Gary about it, but what a rock star. By the way, Gary Veeder's podcast is out in its entirety. I started to check some of it out. 10 episodes. The ending's incredible. It's worth your listen. Number one dad. Yes. I love that. You love it, right? Love it. It's so good. I'm on the edge of my dick and I can't wait to finish it. I'm at the top of my dick, but I'll still watch it.

Well, careful with that pole vault. There is something about what you did at the store, Mark. You went hard in the paint. It was you, Burt Crasher, Goo Goo Dolls, Tony Inchcliffe, Dr. Pimple Popper. That's right. And you were legit grossed out by that zit. Oh, I ate half of it.

Zits on the surface aren't a fun thing to look at. No. But when you see them up close like that, it takes another, yeah, I mean, there might be clips of it somewhere. Well, what's with women? Women like to pop a man's zits. Have you noticed that?

They do. Get back there and whitehead it up. Oh, my wife, Robyn, sometimes I'll try to get her in the mood, I'll put on, oh shit,. I don't know Chevy Chase's Vegas vacation. Sure She loves that but she loves Wayne Newton, right? All women love when a fucking Sit on Wayne Newton's face. Oh, yeah So I put that on to kind of grease the wheels Maybe some Phil Collins a lot of Yankee Doodle candle and then uh, next thing, you know

She's getting on me to straddle me but she's popping a neck pimple not to ride me because she sees some sort of uh you know uh you know footlocker cyst yeah and she just wants to uh what is it take a bite out of crime this was the episode with pimple popper she pulls this goo out of this guy's neck yeah so we had a comedian come up here and how'd to get Salak use on stage That is awful. I don't like that either. Yeah, well it gets better Yeah, Mark couldn't handle it look at that I'm freaking out be a bird can't bird to his moments away from taking his penis and mark uh Burt to his moments away from taking his penis out. And Mark, I think Mark steps off stage.

Worst thing ever on an electronic camera. Where's this guy from? His name, he's a comedian named Sandy Danto. Yikes. We had to blur that for YouTube purposes, but that was real goo. Consider that a cum shot? Yep.

And then watch what comes out here. Good plug for Jerry. What the fuck, what is that? Yeah, and then watch what comes out here This is Yeah, good plug for Jerry. What the fuck? What is that? Oh, check it out Rony So Mark's like I'm out of here and and then I said well, I'm a showman first and a doctor second. Yeah People go nuts. Let me look to the side cam Got it right on you got it cute style side cam. No! You got it. Right on cue. You got it. Rody Steven style. Why would you fucking do that? Well done.

Those are the people who were clapping. You've never done something you didn't wanna do because the fans went berserk. Yeah. Comedy. Comedy, baby. Wow. Yeah, so that's what the show's turned into.

A little bit of fun, then we got some googly dolls at the end, we sang Iris. I cannot believe you put that in your fucking mouth. Yeah. How do you get these gets? How do you get a googly doll? I met him at Stern about five years ago. They actually, I went to Adam Ray's wedding.

They played his wedding. Whoa! Yeah, pretty cool. Played Iris for the first dance song. Goo and a goo goo. Yeah, goo and a goo goo. Favorite 90s band. If you could have them play at your wedding,

funeral, circumcision. Good question. That's a hell of a- My Chemical Romance, Vertical Horizon. Sam, you strike me as a... No, I don't know him. Hmm. Vertical horizon you know. I might go Sir Mix-a-lot. Okay. You wanna a birthday party or something? Let's go. Yeah. Yeah, give me some Oh Me So Horny. No, Two Live Crew. Two Live Crew. Sorry. Oh Me So Horny! Mix-a-lot does a not safety dance. What's the...

Bum, bum, bum, bum. Oh He's got big butts and I cannot lie. Jump on it. Oh, is that him? Yeah, that's from Mix-A-Lot. No. Okay, fuck me. Well, I think that's a Naughty biting it. No Boys, bring the pain. Bring the pain. Bring the pain. Bring the funk. I don't know. Jump on it. Yeah. Jump on it. I don't know. Jump on it, yeah. Jump on it. Bum, bam, bam, boop. Do you have a karaoke go-to, Sam?

Yeah. Let's go. Leonard Cohen, Everybody Knows. Oh, that's a cool party song. Walking in Memphis? Yeah, why not? I love that. I did it at a funeral once.

Oh, karaoke. Everyone got really mad at me. Yeah, they were trying to cheer people up. And then I took the mic that Everybody Knows and everyone was like, what the fuck. Great song. Damn. Everybody knows.

I do nothing compares to you. The Deal is Ridin' also great. But Sinead O'Connor. What do you do? Nothing compares to you. Yep. Great song. Oh yeah.

That's a great song to leave your family to. Yeah. What's your karaoke song? I'd probably say Annie Lennox, do ba do ba do boo boo. Oh yeah. Or Queen, anything Queen, Bohemian, I sang Bohemian Rhapsody at a gangbang.

Well it didn't start off as a gangbang, but you know sometimes you walk into a barbecue and everyone's just fucked up already, right? Zemas are flowing, there was Parcheesy out, Twister, but it was upstairs. You know when everyone's like, Twister's upstairs. Is this how we got AIDS? Who? Freddie.

Prince? Mercury. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Twister, I think is what did it. Yeah, okay. Yeah, it might have been the butt fuck. Yeah, I don't know.

It could have been a... There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's. Don't tell Kirk Cameron. Don't tell Kirk, that's the name of my memoir. Don't tell Kirk Cameron, it's about Epstein Island and Baskin Robbins, how they got going. But we were fucking around at this party and there was, I forget what the question was,

what was it, oh, Fred Savage. Fred Savage is probably the most underrated kid actor of all time Oh wonder years. Wonder years but my karaoke song that's what it was is probably yeah Bohemian Rhapsody I'll sing the wonder years theme song I am a big TV theme guy so I'll do the cheers theme song you know I'm saying where everybody knows your gay boom boom boom boom, boom, boom. And you're always glad you came into a condom because she wasn't down for inside.

Right. You gotta be where, and I'm not good with the lyrics. I know the melody. Oh, you got it? I'll do it. Turn it up. Is this gonna play? Are we gonna get sued?

You gonna get sued? It's Wonder Years, I can't be right. Yeah, no, that's not even close. I think it was Joe Cocker was wonder years. Yep. What? I'll also do some Alanis Morissette Love Alanis everything anything from the 90s, but then every now and then you go you go back in town. We'll do some Huey Lewis Yeah Back in time another guy with a huge hog apparently you owe historic news. Oh, it's the news You just unravels like a newspaper when you take it out feel like Huey Lewis and the Jews

What else? Is this wonder year stand up and walk out on me oh this Beatles yeah, is this one ears You sure that's the one oh cool you want to pull up my fifth grade t-ball video next man What the fuck are you doing right now? Nothing to do with what we're talking about Thanks for coming out another good karaoke tan. It is yeah There is something to be said about bringing the party together, right? Yeah, you guys ever do that on stage you ever on stage and you can feel people going fuck. They're disconnected How do you bring them together mark you know you shout things

from Hezbollah yeah yeah you know the chance the what's the word and see what you're doing to the sea give me a real answer all right well wait say it again how do you connect the room mark I do a little crowd work maybe get them all on board. You do crowd work and people get on the other seat. They're like, what's he saying? Oh yeah. You know, so everybody's listening.

Yeah, I think it's a very, it's an imperative skill set to have to bring a room together. Oh yeah. Sometimes everyone can get on board with something that was not planned. You know, they gotta be spicy with it. They say if you actually get quieter and pause,

the room comes in. You think you gotta hammer with laughs and punch lines and be loud. That's how they get talkative. Yeah, but if you go the other way, they actually go, wait, what's this? I love that. I whisper my joke.

I'm like, pssh. Yeah. ASMR. Cause you gotta listen even closer. You have to. Sorry Miami. Sorry. Fucking chatty.

It's on you for being too Cuban. Yeah, stop doing blow and getting fake tits, you Cubans. Miami though, that is the first place I ever passed out in a live bar. Really? Miami, yeah. Karaoke joint. I was visiting a friend at the Miami Improv

and we popped over and it was one of those places where everybody knows somebody in that little Miami Improv strip mall. Dora Al. Yeah, Dora Al and it was a shit show. I think I saw God that night or at least a lesbian strip mall and so, yeah, Dora Al and it was a shit show. I think I saw God that night or at least a lesbian dressed like God and we ended up in the bathroom

eating chips and salsa together. Nice. But you know, fuck it. I didn't have to be home until a couple days later. I stuck around to go to the beach. Not a big fan of the nude beaches in Miami. Really? I didn't know they had them.

Well, okay, yeah, well they said once I got naked that I needed to put everything back on, but there were a couple kids that were running around, they were babies, so I guess I should have taken a hint that they were nude on purpose, but we have a clip of it. Oh really? Wait, what?

I just wanted to see how quickly you perked up at the idea of a nude baby video Matt Like that hard drive clean buddy. What that are on you? Yeah, nude beach never what you want. I went to Barcelona and I was like Oh, we got a news beach and right when I said that a guy rolled over and I saw his Disgusting hairy balls just flopped like a beached whale Damn what's that? Huh? Yeah, you guys left me there. No, no, that's fucking were you and the wife nude? No, I was just walking by it says right out in the open

You can walk right by a nude beach and let me tell you something when you see a fat guy on the beach fully nude It's it's inspiring. You know, I'm saying true because something about like not giving a fuck, you know comedians people whoever might bash Gals for not wearing outfits that fit their bodies. I'm all for it, you know about like not giving a fuck. You know comedians, people, whoever might bash gals for not wearing outfits that fit their bodies. I'm all for it, you know? Sometimes a giant mid-drift is a little uncalled for. Yeah, I'm inspired to leave the beach, honestly. With the hair, so much hair.

I'm hairy as fuck. Are you really? You got that Robin Williams back and arm hair combination? I got some hair, dude. All right, what are you doing to us here? What type are you? What type of white guy are you? What type of white guy? Ashkenaz. Ashkenaz Jew. Okay, and that's a hairier version? Yeah, Eastern European Jews tend to have some hair. What is this?

That stop roast is wallpaper? Jared from Subway. Yeah, that guy is smooth. Pre-surgery. Oh yeah. Look at that Bobby Kelly everybody. Oh, I got no problem with that if you're facing that way though. Yeah, it's like a boob. Don't turn around. Don't turn around to grab the Sun Chips. Yeah, you rub that belly. That's good luck. Yeah, I don't think you can be that big and well now in Southwest, you know, they changed their seating arrangement. What'd they do? Well, it's no more free-for-all. It's no more jumping into see great like one of the rest of the Narnia creatures Seagroup, you know, you guys are flown see group. It's fucking Walmart. It's a fucking midnight. See group is a Bottom of the barrel. It's people you forgot we have it. So yes. Yeah the

Seagroup what I love in see group is when you're boarding and you're like C75 and there's some dickhead who's like C79, he's like, hey, what are you, what are you? We're both sitting on the fucking wing page. And so. I'd rather fly C-section, I'll tell you. It's rough. Oh.

Terrors to the sky. So they're changing it up, yeah. People are mad about the free for all, the Sesame Street boarding process. It sucked. Yeah, you gotta make a change. I mean, you should also fucking get some better snacks. Yeah.

Make sure the flight attendants stop doing stand up. I almost never fly Southwest. Oh my God, the flight attendants getting cocky with that mic. They're real cocky. That wasn't an invitation. Yeah.

Imagine seeing an open mic or say, my special's coming out, taped to the haha. That's what Southwest Airlines, you know, flight attendants are doing got a they got they're real confident I gave her the light once yeah the weird thing the Southwest still do the fat people get two seats because that was their claim to fame for a while if you're a large shame yeah that's fucking disgusting yeah human being you get a double double header double seat and you get a double quarter pounder. I walk past the nude row, it's disgusting

About you guys, please tell me you've seen this Matt. There's a gentleman. I think it went viral today He was on a flight on Edibles This guy is now taking over the champ in my heart as the the coolest guy on a plane to lose his fucking shit Really? He went cuckoo for cuckoo. He's on a bet first of all I want to do an impression of the guy before you play it. Okay, he gets up here and goes the coolest guy on a plane to lose his fucking shit. Really? He went cuckoo for cuckoo. He's on a, first of all, let me tell you, I wanna do an impression of the guy before you play it. Okay. He gets up here and goes, I'm a hyo-da.

So first of all, he's already just a little bitch, but he's funny about it, because he's on Edible. So I'm like, I know what that's like to be a little too stony baloney. You fucking bump into your friend's futon, you're like, god damn it. Yep. Now I gotta get a knee replacement.

He gets up out of the back row, he's fucked up on Eddie's, you got a fucking Vietnam War vet helping him out or trying to get him a glad trash bag. This guy gets into the aisle and he's just looking to kinda make one last statement before he fucking hopped who was down the aisle way. And he says a lot of fun shit. I don't know if you've seen it, Sam.

He says, go Trump, but you know what, I'll take Biden too, very funny. Then he says, what else did he say? Well, okay, great. Let's go ahead and watch it together as a family. Awesome. Big fan of that. No shirt by the way. Whoa. How do I do it? He's so high. Whoa! We'll sing along time. I don't mind. He's undecided.

RFK, ride him in. Who gives a fuck? This guy's got a worm brain. I don't mind this guy. He's got the mothership security taking him down the... I don't mind this guy at all. My shoulders are great to start totally. Look at the zip tie. They really really up the zip tie on that fucker Yeah, yeah, what an annoying reason to be delayed well see this guy

I did totally that's exactly what I thought too because you know cancer if you had a lane the plane for cancer or which I don't know why would have to but it's some stroke something that you know But but this is equivalent to like a fatty being like a left my wheat thins on the counter and we go back Yeah, this guy's gonna sell out arenas now with this. Oh my god. This is funnier than any special I put out. Can you imagine, there is something about going viral on a plane in this day and age.

I think they also said he was trying to open the back door. Oh. That's not an anal euphemism. He was trying to open the back door to the plane. I see. To fucking hop, skip and stop, drop and roll. There was a woman who went viral for being like, this is going down, and now she's like an influencer.

That motherfucker's not real. That motherfucker back there is not real. Yeah. That twat. He was kind of hot, by the way. Pull her up. She was real attractive. She wasn't bad.

Yeah. Oh, here we go. Her name's like Chrissy or. You right now. That motherfucker back there is not real. Pretty funny. She's got a little bad baby in her. Chrissy or Pretty funny she's got a little bad baby in her yeah little trash See that's what I'm thinking some people are doing this now It's all a real life And then you just like have a meltdown of light and you're starting only fans, and you're like I'm good. That's it

You're set. Oh, yeah, I say even only fans probably I wouldn't doubt it There's there's not I mean I've tried to get Robin to get an only fans going I think there's money on the table to be had. Yeah, I want mark to spread those cheeks. He's got a fucking nice Oh, yeah, well, how would you guys have to get where would you have to be in your careers? To dip into the only fans pool and what would you throw up? It's a four-part way less seats a weekend Probably the weekend you hear that Columbus funny bone? Step it up. Well, it doesn't, it wouldn't take. I don't think anybody's paying for our sack.

Well, not with that attitude, Mark. You've got to believe in yourself. All right, well call in if you're willing to, uh. Well, I just want to know what would you put up though? Or what do you think the fans would want from you? I go taint. Toes, taint? Taint and feet.

I don't think you see enough taint on the internet. I agree. And I'm not asking for messages now with taint JPEGs, but I think that that's something that's going to be a big issue. I think that's going to be a big issue. I think that's going to be a big issue. I think that's going to be a big issue. I think that's going to be a big issue.

I think that's going to be a big issue. I think that's going to be a big issue. I think that's going to be a big issue. I think that's going to be a big issue. I think that's going to be a big issue. I think that think you see enough taint on the internet. I agree. And I'm not asking for messages now with taint JPEGs, but I think that that's something. So Karen's got... She's got all kinds of stuff up there. Oh yeah. You can see it. I'll send you a link.

She's probably making tens of twenties of thirties, thousands, huh? I think just no thousands. No thousands? All right. Well, hey, that's jazz money. She's doing all right, yeah. She's, look at that rump on the right. I mean, that's not too shabby. Well, very nice.

There is something to be said about taking a step back, evaluating your life. When'd you get a dog, Sam? Oh, it's my girlfriend's dog. You don't like dogs? I love this dog. Yeah, you didn't like the dog prior to this dog? We had a tough few months, but we worked.

You and the dog or you and the girl? Both. They put it down. Oh shit. The girl. Yeah, well that's it. I think that's, maybe that'll be my nudes, is a full frontal just holding the pooch.

I'd sign up for that. You think she'll actually be into that? For sure. That's smart. So you didn't want the dog at first, you were kind of just anti- I wasn't, I'd sign up for that. You think chicks will be into that? For sure. That's smart. So you don't want the dog at first. You were kinda just anti- I wasn't even wanting the dog. The dog's 17.

The dog's been around. That's a 17 year old dog. The dog's old as shit. So it was probably in all the Air Bud movies. Even the last one that went straight to DVD, Air Bud 25, the shelter's full. Ha ha ha ha. And the new one, he's doing transports.

Yep, he has to. Yeah, we got neutered. Oh, that's fucking funny, Mark. Good times, good times. Yeah, I'm thinking about, because I'm coming into a little bit more cash money in 2024, so I'm trying to buy some exotic pets. Just fluff things up.

I'm thinking bird, but not just parakeet. I'm thinking fucking pterodactyl. Oh, nice. There's a woman who goes, there's like a little outdoor scene at the carver shop I go to. Does the story get better, Sam? No, it doesn't. Okay, continue.

There's a woman who comes with a bird every fucking day at three o'clock. I think I've heard of this. And the bird goes, eh, eh, and everyone's like, are you fucking kidding me? My point is don't get a fucking bird. Well, what kind of bird? Because again, I'm talking larger than life.

I'm talking like a pelican. Yeah, something that you wouldn't take to a coffee shop. You only take to parties. People go, what can he do? And you go, fucking, how much money you got? And what sort of a pole vault penis you working with? Maybe he'll, or a flamingo, those seem fun. Exotic birds, toucans, unless you're leading me

to some Froot Loops, I got no time for you. Yeah, who needs a toucan, but a flamingo's not a bad idea. Yeah, cause it's exotic and I think it's also, I always think WWMD, what would Mike do, Tyson? Not Pence, I know you were thinking Pence, Sam, but he wouldn't get a bird. He'd ask his wife if he could put his thumb in his butt. I don't know, improv stuff.

What's that? That's a good Pence. Sorry. I didn't know you did a Pence. I only do Pence getting a thumb up his ass and RFK after three shots of tequila. After leaving a dead cub in Central Park. We gotta talk about that.

What'd I miss? Oh, RFK, yeah. So I met RFK. Really? At the Kill Tony Forum Show. I was doing it with Tim Dillon and Post Malone, right? Wow, this is mad libs of lineup. It was, yeah, Mary Fuck Kill.

I don't even know where you start on that one. I did some pretty wild jokes. I wish I could pull them up, but one of them I remember was, we got Hans Kim and Rick Diaz getting ready to battle on tonight's Forum Kill Tony. I haven't seen this much bad blood in the forums since Magic Johnson's last game.

Woo! I love it. I fucked it up by saying Michael Jordan for a second there. AIDS is really the through line of this show. I feel like we keep going back to AIDS. Yeah, the billboards are everywhere. Yeah. In Los Angeles.

Everyone's like, apparently, I mean, I probably got it, but you just, you gotta, at this point. You live with it now. Yeah, you live with it. Yeah. Magic made it normal, but RFK, I met him backstage, and I don't wanna say he didn't look like he had just hidden a bear, but.

Wait, what is this bear story so I'll tee it up for you. Please tee me. So RFK right you know who he is yes you've heard of bears right yes what's your favorite bear that's a good team Yogi Yogi not black bear not black like uh Berenstein Grizz yeah Grizzly you got the you got the Smoky right there you got the Berenstein and Grizz. Yeah, Grizzly. You got the Smokey, right there. You got the Berenstein and you got a... You got Baloo from Jungle Book. Bear Jew, he was a good bear.

Oh, Bear Jew, yeah. Bear Jew, who was Bear Jew? Eli Roth. There we go. We got the bear from The Revenant with Leo. That's right, you got the bear from Grizzly Man when he killed that dude. That bear got me too, Doug. That was crazy, that bear got me too. Yeah, well he was too... Lot of rape. By the way, that was the oldest girl Leo's been with, that bear got me too. Yeah, cuz he was yeah Well, he was to rape by the way that was yeah, and that was the oldest girl Leo's been with that bear

Now now, I love you Leo come on the podcast But I want to say this about RF bear with me Leo the the RFK cups so he saw cub Mark that got hit with a bike. Okay. I don't know if it's electric boogie woogie or just a regular peddler situation, but the cub was on the side of the fucking road and RFK's fucking looney tunes fucking butthole picked up a bear cub and said, I'm gonna skin it for meat. He said this to Roseanne. What?

He said, I'm gonna skin the fucking bear. I was like, is that Josh Adam Myers or RFK? And so, I'm gonna skin the bear for fucking meat. And so he says that and I'm like is that Josh Adam Myers or RFK and so I'm a skin the bear for fucking me And so he says that I'm like alright already creepy weird thing to say in a first date or to yourself Yes, then he's like if I can't skin the bear for me, then he says I can't then he goes I got caught up. You got money. Just get a fucking piece of grilled chicken. Why didn't you skin it? Great call. Hey fucking Chipoles everywhere bitch. You got chicken, steak, and guess what?

Probably bear cub meat if you asked the sweet Mexican guy behind the counter. You go, hey can I get some extra corn and do you have bear cub meat still? And he goes, what? Maybe. You go, you're having a good time. Bear krills.

So he goes, I got cut up with my plans. So, and then I realized I gotta get to the airport. So he goes, but I got the bear cub in my trunk. And by the way, he said it like, oh I forgot I have a bear cub in my trunk. Which, that leads me to assume, how many fucking child animals are you fucking rolling around New York City with?

So then he goes, I don't have time to take it with me to the airport. I can't take it in my overhead luggage. You know, the only thing this small I can carry on to a plane is Brad Williams, right? So, and Brad's not here. He's in Des Moines, Iowa, the funny bone. So I got to take this bear to the park and I'm going to leave it near a fucking bicycle and stage this motherfucking, motherfucker staged his, uh, his own fucking hit and run with a bike and a bear. This is for you.

Coming to theaters next month, it's called Anatomy of a Fall Two. Yeah, yeah. Ted Three. I mean, I would watch a documentary about the, I mean, someone's gotta dress up like the bear and do like, I mean, the bear's gotta, it'd be great if the bear wasn't dead.

That'd be a great plot twist. Well, this is already a better plot than the show, The Bear, which is not great. Tough show to watch. Yeah. Not a comedy either. I know! What's so funny they ran out of soy sauce? This is a real photo of him with that bear. Is that really? Yeah yeah. Oh wow. Why does he look so, but the bear's dead why is he making that face? He's doing a joke like he's biting me. Why is he, I don't like this guy. I don't understand he grew up in a place of privilege I'm assuming he's a part of the vineyard and why is he always trying to prove like how fucking hard he is yeah I think you're

discounting how cuckoo he is he's also an ex heroin addict and he's had like six wives but you see the video of him like with the snake what do you do with the snake look it up it's a boy He's like holding a snake by the head. I mean I got a real problem with animal cruelty, but also with people. And look, talking about skinning a bear cub for meat, that just makes me think that you're like one weird choice away from um... Killing your wife? Yep.

I agree. Bet you don't touch fucking Cheryl, dude. No. You leave Cheryl alone, RFK. Oh, that was it. I think I was gonna fast forward that bro That's hard. Okay fast forward. It's weird as fuck. This is my thing. Look at this. Oh boy Yeah, that's your thing to jack guys over 70 always throw me off. Yeah, you ever go to a troll Well, it fast go backwards a bit. He doing I don't like seeing him in his natural habitat Yes, we're seeing your teacher at the mall. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's your snake

Also, he's just catching snakes and batting What did he add music to this is this system of a down he's showing he's showing He's posting this video to be like look how fucking tough I am By the way, not a prerequisite in a president. It's like, hey, can you handle snakes? Right. So funny. Maybe in the old days.

There's another one that where he's holding it by the head. He's like fucking with it. Yeah, I always wonder when people post shit like this. Cause you're right, Sam. It's like, why do you, why do you? Here it is, look. Yeah, that's pretty tough. He's got my vote.

But why, why you holding snakes? Change a tire, then show me something. Right. Change a tire. Holy shit. Okay, that's pretty crazy. I just don't. Well I don't need you to do this, you know. You can do that with the Taliban. Yeah, eat it. That's actually a great call, man. If he bit the head off I'd go, you got my vote. Not only for this but for American Idol. Is that a rattlesnake? Call Matt off. He bit the head off. I'd go you got my vote not only for this but for American Idol Is that a rattlesnake?

Cheryl God bless you. What are you being in this video for? It's amazing. This makes Larry look reasonable. They should have slowly zoomed in on RFK and gone didn't do damn today But it put him, you know He's like this dude seems exhausting shame Cheryl's like I don't I don't know if this is a good idea He must wake up and go I wonder if we could if we could get if we could eat a giraffe today Yeah, all right, that's a bit. You know it sounded better in my head But there's something about about this picture that I think lends itself to to people who want to go to the zoo and go Maybe we're gonna have to put up a higher shield you ever see that video. It's titled Don't look it up. I don't think this is the title,

because it's something about, I saw it in the 90s. It was, before YouTube, it was like a, it said, kid annoys Gorillain to cum shot. And it starts off, and the kid is just kinda tapping on the glass. And I'm like, he's not annoyed, he's bored. He's like, it's my birthday, do something.

And then he turns into annoyed. Like, you ever see like one of those Karens that taps on Like a young black teenagers teenagers car in a target parking lot during kovat Yeah, are you supposed to be in this neighborhood? Right tapping like that and then the gorilla wakes up from a nap Plop and just starts fucking shooting one off Wow, and when I tell you all the jizz mark, I'm telling you all the jizz I don't know humans or creatures were supposed to hold as much cum inside them as there was in this gorilla

He shot all the gorilla glue right at this fucking wall Thank God for the shield which you know with chicklets But also the shield that was up because you know, there's a one-eyed kid walking around It was my it was my birthday and I didn't have a seal up and then all of a sudden boom You know, he takes one for the team and now he's got a story And and some sympathy pussy coming his way a come Bay a come Bay But now the shield goes up and the most impressive part boom jizz Kid doesn't flinch what just get you see a mouth like is that all you got ball in the face moment a great fucking call

Sam you fucking great and one Yeah, well that kid's gonna be a hell of a gay. Yeah, that's it. I mean that's a core a president You know sure sure or RFK's a you know Crocodile you know fuck me RFK can never debate again because anything he says like oh, yeah I'm gonna go pick up a snake you weirdo. Yeah I mean, I don't know if this is it. Yeah, so what do we think about, and also baby animals, can I say karma's a real thing? I think that the main, don't be surprised,

where's my RFK bear attack cam? Where is it? Right there. Right here. Don't be surprised, Robert, when a real life bear shows up in your backyard because they know, they know that you fucking took the baby. Yeah.

And I don't wish anything bad on anybody except for I went to high school with a kid named Micah Denunzio. And freshman year of high school, I was walking by him and his girlfriend against the lockers and they were making out, there might have been some finger action going on. Sure.

It's the 80s, right 80s right and the 70s I forgot how old I am but but this kid was all up inside her Keith sweat style Uh-huh, and I said get a room and he fucking he tried to fight me six or seven times Wow so uh I don't want to say I hate him, but I but I just you know if a if a you know Let's say if a fucking hippo showed up at his house and tried to fucking cut his dick, I wouldn't be upset. I'd laugh and then I'd go, I hope he's okay.

There's too many gorilla jerk videos though on YouTube. Of course Matt knows that, that's not new information to Matt. A whole new weekend plan. Yeah, Jesus. Look at this. See, the kid has no clue. Monkey see, monkey goo. We'll be right back. All right look at this thing now. Oh, oh, it's like a subway ride. Yeah

Oh my god, it's a lot of eye contact. Yeah, six train this guy's gonna. Oh, oh god What do you just do shit himself? Oh? Right in front of the kiddo. Oh, can I be honest? I just do? Shit himself, oh. Oh, he's crazy. Right in front of the kiddo. Oh, can I be honest? I just, I threw up a little in my mouth. I'm not gonna joke. This is a new low for the show. Oh. Oh my god.

We might be drunk, we definitely might be sick in a second. Yeah, we might be spunked. You think he feels shame afterwards? Don't try to change the subject from what we just watched, Sam. Jesus fucking Christ. No, you think the monkey feels shame? Not at all.

I don't think he realizes what he did. He's eating it in front you. Yeah shame. Yeah, maybe boys eat music. I'm a piece of shit That's funny to think about if they have deep feelings like that, but wow animals can truly Feel like weak. I mean dogs right like that dog knows what you said about it earlier, but I mean, they could have gotten an OnlyFans. It's rough. Was that a dog pun? Too many jokes flying around here. I can't let that one just slide by. Man, monkey, monkey jerk.

Who knew? Lobster tube and monkey jerk. Well, if you guys are around in November, I'd love you to come by the beacon. Sure. Come far around the Phil Show. I thought you were doing the Gramercy. My friend Adam Ray is doing the Gramercy on August 11th. When does this come out?

Good question. August 25th. Oh great, well that's fucking way past the due date, huh? Thanks for the shout out. Yeah, August 11th, I think he had a great time. I heard it out. I heard it out. Went okay.

We'll be, hey if that invite stands, we'll be there. If we're Beacon Theater, it does stand. November 15th stand November 15th. Okay. We'd like to surprise the guests but let's just say maybe or maybe not. Stacking up pretty nice throwing some Hail Marys. You got to do that. You guys probably know as part of the booking process now you got to go for it right? Booking.com booking. you know. All right. To where? To your show. Bring a bear. I mean now that's actually funny that's actually funny. That's actually something I should try to pull off. Bring him out and then bring somebody dressed as a bear.

A whole family of bear cubs? That's good. That's funny, all right. We got something here. Because the Phil show's starting to turn a little, I mean, it's all rooted in comic fun and games with the interviews. We got one in September at the Comedy Store

with Gabriel Glacius, Patton Oswald, and Jay Farrow. And then good old Rob Lowe's gonna come by in October. Trying to stack that up with another hot hung from the 90s. I don't know who we go with, you got to. For Cameron, oh my God. You know what though, I would love, we like to keep the show lights in,

but pardon me, we wouldn't like to. For Cameron and Matteo Lane. That's my suggestion. We'll keep her right here, that's a great idea. Yeah. That's a great idea. That is good. Yeah, there's certain combos of people

that you dream about, you know. Matt, who would be someone, obviously I'd love to get like Tom Hanks or Martha Stewart would be fun. Somebody that's game, like you guys are great cause you're down to play. You don't want somebody that comes on and is just a lazy fucking dud, you know.

Maybe Trump. How about AC Slater? Mario Lopez could be fun, if we can talk about his infidelities, right? Yikes. Yikes, extra. Did he fuck around a lot? I don't know if a lot is the word I'd say, but let's just say,

it didn't stop with Kelly Kapowski. Oh, Tiffany Amber Thiessen? Tiffany Amber Thiessen, which, Adam Ray and Brad Williams actually had her on their podcast. They went to her house, she had avocado tree. Whoa, she had a couple avocados in that shirt. She looked fucking good, I'll tell you that much. Mario, here he is on LinkedIn.

He looks pretty good still. He does not age, this guy. And he's in my fucking hotel every day. Do you know he wakes me up? Not physically, I wish, you know, fucking careful what you wish for, I wish, but he comes on, you know, it'll up? Not physically, I wish. Fucking careful what you wish for, I wish. But he comes on, it'll be like three in the morning,

my TV will just pop on Saw style, and he'll just go like, a mysterious young girl, Angelina Jolie, stars in this psychological thriller. I'm like, let me sleep, bitch. Now I gotta jack off. That was a great Slater. By the way, this AC Slater run, Fergie in 1984.

Let's go through the Lopez casualties. Here we go. He smashed a lot of pun. Tiffany Amber Thiessen, 91 to 93. They dated for two years? So they did date. I thought it was just on the show. Wow, well Fergie's impressive.

Am I seeing Jamie Presley up there too? I love Jamie Presley. She's smokin', she's gorgeous, she's sweet. Morgan Freeman, he had a menage a flower, Morgan Freeman. Wait, let me. And Tim Robbins. Fuck them both.

It's one of the few impressions I do. Ready, I'll give it to you. I wish I could tell you Mario Lopez's cock didn't taste delicious, but it did. It did, and I used my Visa Rewards Card to buy the butt plugs. All right, that's it. But.

There's just a Hail Mary here, but would you be able to do Mario Lopez fucking you as Robert Downey Jr.? Sure. Okay, let me, okay, so here's, I'll play the scene out. So it's Robert Downey Jr. calling Mario Lopez for to see if he'll come over and have a little fuck around, yeah?

Do the black Robert Downey. Oh, we'll be red black. No, we'll keep it right here. All right, here it is. So, hello, Mario Lopez. Hey Mario, so this is Robert Downey Jr. So of course you recognize me from Heart and Souls, Tropic Thunder, of course Iron Man, Iron Man 2.

I'm looking to take my Iron Man and bring him over to your house and put him inside your Say By The Bell butt cheeks. I'm sorry, I should have rehearsed this, but I would like to rehearse a Menage a Trial or Menage a Trial with you and your girl or your family. I don't know if you have a giraffe. I just watched this documentary with RFK where he put a giraffe in the woods and then tried to get it to second check. Okay. Wow. He did a downy. I did you know everyone's got a little downs inside of them but You did a downy? I did, you know, everyone's got a little downs inside of them, but

I usually, the only downy I used to do was the downy, the fluffy, the laundry bear. Oh. And then people say it wasn't topical, so I had to do an actor, but Lopez seems like, if Britney Spears on that list. Wow. 2008. Get the fuck out of here. He really kept leveling up.

Each one gets better and better. The first one, it's like a pumpkin and a kid. Yeah well that's I think that's his family but that's fine we'll keep this in. You didn't fuck a pumpkin not with that attitude. There is but a pumpkin you know look Biggs fucked a pie and then Lopez fucked a pumpkin. And JD Vance fucked a couch. And Charlie Brown fucked his mom. Whoa. We'll be right back. We'll keep her right here. I thought pumpkin and I merely went to Charlie Brown. I got ADD but- Is that why she sounds like that?

Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Oh, I'll go. Getting railed in the mouth. That might be my favorite. That's tonight's Doritos joke of the night. Brought to you by Cool Ranch Doritos. Woo, give me a good Dorito graphic on this. Yeah, you gotta throw it up.

I'm surprised you guys don't have a chip sponsor yet. Oh. You guys seem like solid chip guys. I mean I have a Dorito the movie in the snack I love Dorito cool ranch cool ranch all day long, right? Okay. How about this? Favorite if you're you get off stage right early show Thursday She not stuff in your face like fucking Miss Piggy at like 1030, you know, it's late show The club goes or the theater sorry. sorry, couple of specials over here, and they give you a big bag of whatever you want, Sam.

What are you asking for? Bag of chips? Yeah, you take it home and you go, I might just fucking. I'm going like Kettle Chip, salt and vinegar. Oh, high end. Not a bad call. You know what my number one is? Ruffles all dressed.

All dressed? That Canadian shit? What's that, like a graveyard, Like all the sodas? So good. Graveyard? Yeah, that's what it is. Graveyard, all the sodas in one? Oh yeah, we've got a suicide. All dressed, Canadians fucking nailed it.

So like a ketchup ruffle? Oh, it's better than that. Don't cancel me. I like the, yeah, there it is. It's that one. I've never heard of the all dressed. Oh, if you're in Canada, you gotta fucking get that shit. Don't tell me how to live my life, Sam,

but I'll probably try it out. Everything bagel, chip. Okay, that looks fun. Yeah, you got every flavor and condiment. Wow, that's a speed ball. That's too much. No, but it's perfect. All right, I'll try it.

All right, I'll try it. It'd be great if you had a bag, because your pitch is pretty, you're comin' in hot. Yeah. You're comin' in a... Where you goin'? I'm probably goin', you know, I'm a basic bitch with the Sun Chips.

Ah, you homo. Yeah, I know, I know, but I own it, I own it. I listen to Clay Icken while I eat them. Shout out, drink five if you're playing the Clay Icken drinking game. Clay Icken, former sponsor of Sun Chips. Oh yeah. No, but you guys are gullible as fuck.

Also, Kirk Cameron's ex. Kirk Cameron's ex. $50? Yeah, that seems, wow is same size Sam buys his cracklin over I knew we'd get back there. I thought I was gonna let you off with one cracklin looking bit. All right, so we've we've got We've got listen son chips of all your beans. Oh, that's They're reaching that's like pop-dart being like we've got pillowcase. Yeah, you gotta deport that. Yeah, deport that. Oh! Send it right back.

Black bean. Black bean. That's rare and inappropriate. I'm more of a pinto bean potato chip guy. I take pinto over black. I like a kidney. Now, what about, Mark, you said Doritos. I also, we're forgetting the chip. We're forgetting the fun guy. Zaps. You're a fucking Nola boy. I love a zap.

Is a zap like a Funion? No, no, pull up zaps. Udu, craw dad, yeah these are Mesquite. This is your Louisiana shit. They're good, they are good. Crunchy as shit, they got crazy flavors and they burn. I also, I mean you can't go wrong with a sour cream and onion, come on.

Oh, that's a good one. All day long, yeah, Lay's, right? Yeah. I like the crunchier ones, but Lay's are good. The ketchup Lay's, Canadians fucking crush with that. Oh yeah. Now riddle me this, you go to a barbecue that run out of snacks, and they promised you,

let's say you go over and the person who lured you into the fucking social gathering in the first place has now fibbed about the SNAC organization. And you get there, and it's late in the BBQ, Twister upstairs is already complete. There's a sex chair somewhere, you gotta find it. And all of a sudden you know that an Irish goodbye is in your future.

I love an Irish goodbye though. Oh I can't get enough of an Irish goodbye. It's the best. How do you do it? Friends are pieces of shit. Which way do you, say who? Especially when your friends are pieces of shit. Oh sure, yeah.

You go, I gotta take a wee-wee, you plop out the back door, or you do the fake phone call. That might be the best, cause no one's gonna stop it. Especially if you're distraught, ready? Try to stop this guy. First of all, tell me that you're at a Sun Chips, Sam.

Ah, fuck, we're at a Black Bean Sun Chips. Ah! Fuck! Should I gotta call real quick? Oh, who's calling? Huh? Sorry. Uh-oh.

I had a witch pussy. Wait, hold on, sorry, sorry. Where do I go? Well, tell me the address, Corinne. Sorry, sorry, Phil. Well, yeah, I can drive, but I've been drinking a little. Oh no, this is a crazy pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mark, please.

Sorry, sorry. Yeah, it's my friend Mark. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Mark, please. Sorry, sorry. Yeah, it's my friend Mark. It seems sounds good. Yeah, yeah, the gay guy. Yeah, well it doesn't matter right now. I just wanted, well don't yell at me. I'm not the one who did it. What happened to this vagina? I don't want your life.

Ha ha ha ha ha. You're the man now, dog. Well then fine, go marry Kirk Cameron. Oh, I'm the captain now You look like a medley. I'm the captain now. And then you bounce out. No, no, wait, Dr. Phil, we just found some garden salsa sunshifts. You gotta stick around.

I want a divorce. And I'm back. We'll be right back. We'll keep her right here. Holy hell, we got the beacon. We got the beacon. We got the forum soon. Well, who knows?

We'll keep on jamming. We are announcing, we have announced as of today today we got October 25th the Miller and Philly about 85 sold out. That's an awesome one. It's a great one I can't wait for that then we got Tysons Virginia Capital One Hall in DC that's about sold out. Beacon November 15th in New York that's about 50% sold out and then we got Celebrity Theater just just came out a few weeks ago December 6th and AZ and then the Civic Center in San Diego December 7th, and then in 2025 we'll be adding majestic in Dallas In Boston you love that one. Yeah, and then we'll be adding Chicago theater in Chicago and

Hits will keep on coming and hopefully you'll see these pieces of shit rocking and rolling and of course go check out my favorite Jew Adam Ray Cami calm I think he's got dates in Pittsburgh and special on YouTube special like and subscribe on YouTube See these pieces of shit rocking and rolling. And of course go check out my favorite Jew, AdamRayComedy.com. I think he's got dates in Pittsburgh. And a new special on YouTube. Special like and subscribe on YouTube. His podcast about last night. He's got some other fun stuff coming up. And then of course Instagram, TikTok,

AdamRayComedy. And appreciate you guys. Appreciate the love. Yeah, Adam Ray. Let me take a shot of Bodega Cat. Hell yeah! What a way to top the top. What a way to close this night out.

Make sure RFK's watching. Oh, and that's a sealed one. Is there an open one somewhere? No, maybe not. Maybe I gotta open this puppy. Oh, also check out... Right up front, right behind ya. Is that sealed?

Damn. All right. How about just a dyed Dr. Pepper? You got that? All right, this is good pot. There's one shot left. That's a southwest sea group of shots. Oh yeah, the little backwash. The black bean chip. You got it. I'm gonna take this up pull straight from the bottle. I'm gonna make a little cheers. Drinking might not solve all our problems, but it's worth a shot We'll be right back one said the same thing. Oh too soon, but you know what too late actually yeah, sorry ma'am I love you guys he ha rust Wow

Yeah, we're still going follow us on punch up young punch up. Oh, that's yeah, Danny came to my shows at the punchline Adam shows I'm so well, that's good fucking bird I'm sure dot live slash Adam ray punch up dot live slash mark Norman punch up dot live slash Sam or L go there Give us your emails. That's all it takes Chris Brown's on punch up and there's a hole You guys are too quick for your own good, but that's why I like being here. I think we had a good Roll this was a nice we should run this back. What was I gonna say? New Dr. Phil Live is also,

they're all on the YouTube channel, Adam Ray. Check them all. There's a new one from Seattle with Joel McHale and Sean Kemp dropping. Whoa, Sean Kemp's your guy. So Sean Kemp's me and Adam's guy, and Adam told me a quick story I wanna tell you. So Sean Kemp has a weed store in Seattle.

You ever go, I'll hook you up, go down and burn one down with him. And Kemp came out to do the show. We also had the voice of the Mariners, Adam Ray's brother-in-law, Durtay, white rapper Durtay, closed the show out. Had the Seattle fish market fish guys throw fish into the crowd.

I love the Pike's Place, baby. Brought him down, hit him up, said how much it cost you to come down and throw fish? A fresh fish. And had a stroke, and so they said, well, we'll charge you, they said, we'll charge you this much, but how about this much,

because we like the show. Came down, did a Seattle trivia with Joel McHale. This show will be out, I think, August. What's the week from this Thursday, Matt? What okay thanks a lot Matt I think there's something about the 15th August 15th dr. Phil left from Seattle be out and with Joel McHale camp comes over we do name that dunk with him where he put up pictures of dunks we showed him all his pictures he stood up like a kid in a candy store and was reliving it was fucking beautiful and at point, we showed him with him sitting

on Robyn's shoulders in the 96 finals. I go, what's that called? He goes, Deez Nuts. Drop the mic, placement fucking nuts. But Seattle trivia with Joel, we asked a question. It was always a fake submitted questions by kids like, who would win in a fight? Chris Pratt, my dad, Jay Buhner, you know?

And then Joel would go, obviously, you know, Jay Buhner, you know, and then we go, who wants who wants a fish lights on turn on some 80s music these guys toss He's 15 fucking pound Sammons into the crowd I've never seen so much you want to think a t-shirt cannon guy You know says his own name when he comes these fish guys were throwing these motherfuckers And it was pandemonium prices right meets Oprah audience I'm fucking telling you you get a fish you get a you get a fish you get a fish and then the next day Adam went down with camp he goes come down and smoke with me at the shop

They walked around downtown Seattle Sam smoke Jays talk Seattle He told Nirvana stories told him NBA stories and with a lunch and now they're gonna do a fucking because the songs are coming back In the very soon they're gonna announce it very really Vegas is get the Seattle Superstar Oh, it's me Vegas and Vegas money, but that also ate those not sleep on that fast You ever see the video of the kids spilling all the shit on roller skates of Sonic pull it up, man It's a good thing to close on Vegas and Seattle Seattle So so I hope so it is and camp goes we're gonna do a live podcast with with Adam GP and Rain Man during the preseason game at Kemp's weed store. Maybe just come out and smoke and hang.

Hell yeah. Kemp, man, some banana stories. He was telling Adam these stories about Nirvana, right? I go, who was like the... I said, Adam, ask this question. I go, ask who was like the cool Jack Nicholson people at Seattle? And he said Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Griffey, all those guys from the 90s. Nirvana would hit them up last minute, him and GP, and go, come down to this place, we're playing a secret show. They'd come down, last minute sold. He goes, they were just potheads playing music, man.

He goes, I didn't see the heroin until late in the game. And Rain Man was like, then all of a sudden, like, you know, towards the end, he'd come through and they'd be like, going to a club, and Kurt be sitting there on the couch, just fucking laid out. And then they come back 12 hours later, same spot didn't move.

Almost like in a sugar coma but you know the other stuff. Yeah. But Camp told some great NBA stories. Carers-Matic, if he's ever rolling through here, I'll fucking, I'll put him in touch. He'd rip it up with you guys. He's a fucking legend, the Rain Man. Yeah, the Rain Man.

Seattle deserves a basketball team. They do, they'll be back. Great basketball state, Washington. Yeah, nobody reps Seattle harder than this fucking single mom Jew, but. And music too. I love that Adam gets to kick it with, pretty cool. As a 90s Knicks guy, I get what it means.

Oh, he told me Anthony Mason stories. He told me about, yeah, he was a, it's special. It's also, you know, you wanna be one of those guys that says, oh, I know it's all generational. You know, everyone has the SNL cast that they've, you know, grew up with, but 90s hoops. I mean, it's just a different game now the SNL cast they grew up with, but 90s hoops, I mean it's just a different game now. 90s everything, 90s basketball.

Music, basketball, baseball. Movies. Movies, but hoops truly, show me anyone close to Charles Oakley right now. I'll wait. Good glasses. Rick Glassman, yeah, maybe. I got to meet him, I got to meet Charles Oakley.

We shot a commercial together. Holy shit. For his dealership? No, it was for, it was like a weird Bleacher Report thing that never aired, because it was like, it was weird. Yeah, of course it was. You got paid, yeah. I got paid, but it was a,

I spent a whole day with Charles Oakley. Hell yeah. And he was cool as fuck, and all you want is to tell him how much they mean to you as a kid, and he wasn't weird about it. Like, I is to tell him how much they mean to you as a kid, and he wasn't weird about it. Like I was like, hey man, you guys are the reason

I love basketball, and he's like, that means a lot, and he was cool as fuck, and that's all you want. Yeah, you want that. You want, yeah, that's the getting, that they hear that you appreciate what they do. My boy Adam was just telling me, he was walking around New York, and he had a couple people stop him and and say they loved his Joe Biden and it's the same

thing where you have to go like I told him I go you just got to act appreciative of it because it means more to them you know you don't we all get caught up in this business you know I don't fucking you know it's just I'm just doing what I do but people Oakley he was a stud for you, right? Who's your stud, Mark? Who's the guy that? I like Ray Rice. There we go. Yeah. And-

Because of his policies or what? Yeah, Michael Vick. Mark's getting into basketball. I'm getting him into basketball. So that's the one, you're not a huge sports guy in general, right? Nah, well I like UFC. Table tennis. I like table tennis, I like skateboarding.

I like the weird- But we went to the Knicks games and you were in there. The Knicks games were awesome. Well, live is where it's at. Yeah, raccoon. That's why I always say that I them. The Knicks games were awesome. Well, live is where it's at. Yeah, Ratcoup. That's why I always say I won't see Bare Naked Ladies on YouTube. Live Mark? It's an aphrodisiac.

Have you seen Ape Come? They're a great ska band. I believed you. Is that a real band name? No, no. Wait, this is a fun game. Fake band names. Ready?

Rape Fart. Okay, we should probably end the show. How about Queef Baby? How about Super Dad? There you go. It's not bad, it's clean, that's PC. How about Kirk Cameron's apology? It's a great band name. How about Bloody Jizz? Okay, okay, closer. They have to. Yeah, boy, can I look worse in that photo? No, that's a good shot. Jesus Christ, I look like I've been burned. I took that. Thanks.

You look like you're, we pulled that up real quick. You look like you're looking back at the subway, right? Well, I see the mic now, but maybe you're, yeah. This is you in about 30 years, you still look this frail, and you're looking back and you're holding the mic when you take the subway, and everyone's like, boy, this guy just can't let people not know that he's a comedian. Yeah bring the mic everywhere yeah yeah the

guy in the Facebook profile is like oh man that's tough the fit yeah it's by the way both our pictures are the mic but what are you gonna do you have to do it though guess guess what for all the people oh oh I'm sorry everyone in the world fucking knows who you are you gotta have this up so when people do stumble upon they go what's this guy up to? He's got a mic? Is that RFK's bear hurdler? Or hurdler? However you say it. Well yes. Punch up. Check us out. New special on Prime. You fantastic by the way. Thank you. Watched it. Great job. Duh though. Duh. No shit. Yeah we're all over it Mark. Where you gonna be man? I'm all over the road baby. New Jersey. Reading PA. Guuh, no shit. Yeah, we're all over. Mark, where you gonna be, man? I'm all over the road, baby.

New Jersey, Reading, PA, Guadalajara, Mexico City, Colorado Springs, Fort Collins, St. Louis, Atlanta, Vancouver, Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, Portland, Oregon, London, Ontario, Toronto, to name a few, Monterey, California. Monterey, that'll be fun. Yeah, Oakland, Winnipeg, yeah, Pegby. Pegby's fun, yeah. I gotta get up to Canada, is that a few, Monterey, California. Monterey, that'll be fun. Yeah, Oakland, Winnipeg, yeah, Pegby. Winnipeg's fun.

I gotta get up to Canada, I keep getting hit up for Canadian. I mean, the good cities, it's like America, there's good cities, there's good cities, and even the bad ones, you're kinda gonna have fun. Come on, I know, right? You guys strike me as a couple of fellas that can just rip it up anywhere.

I'm thinking of ripping it up. Change your pants, table for one. Where can you not have fun? Oh no. I'm gonna shit myself, you were one. Where can you not have fun? Oh no. Where can you not have fun for a fucking night, dude? I knew that was it. By the way, it took every ounce of my body not to fucking open my mouth and lean down there.

Just to taste some crackling oat bran. You hear me, Sam? Your cereal tastes like fucking farts. You fucking weirdo. New Brunford, New Jersey, I'm building back up. New shit, guys. New Stress Factory, the 22nd and the 24th. Farts fucking weirdo New Jersey and building back up new shit guys New stress factory the 22nd 24th Niagara Falls, Ontario September 13th, I'm with Chris at the soundtrack to the Barbie movie and then we got

And then we got a hero she loved that film. I got London, Belfast, Dublin, Paris, Amsterdam Copenhagen Oslo, Stockholm And then I'm back in the States, got Cleveland, Hilarity is gonna try to build back up here in November. Punchup.live slash any of our names. Adam Ray will be at Hilarity's in October, that's a great club, you get the bat. One of my favorites.

He did it for the first time last year, got that bat from Nick. Top notch club, Nick, Sam, we love you. Nick, we love you guys. Yeah. Hilarity's one of the best Sam. We love you guys. Yeah One of the best and I love you guys and I appreciate the love today praise Praise Allah praise Oprah get the book get the book. We've got issues. It's out there. It's the one thing I can do Oh and I think that's it. Good night everybody. I'll see y'all in hell Okay. Like a cop's comin' and naked Samuel is feelin' dangerous

I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be drunk