We Might Be Drunk - Ep 198: Dan Le Batard
Episode Date: September 23, 2024Comedy and sports combine to give us episode 198 with Dan Le Batard. Great conversations, enjoy the episode and share with a friend. Podcast Sponsors: Get $50 instantly when you play $5 with code DR...UNKS when you Download the PrizePicks app at https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRUNKS Support the show & try Shopify’s $1 per month trial period at https://www.shopify.com/drunk Support the show and get 50% off your 1 st Factor box, plus 20% off your next month. Use code DRUNK50 at https://www.factormeals.com/DRUNK50 Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Dan Le Batard: Dan's Show: https://lebatardaf.com/ Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/?hl=enÂ
Transcript
Discussion (0)
And we're here.
Hey!
We're here and it's happy birthday time.
I know, but we're backlogging, so it's my birthday,
but by the time this comes out, it's your birthday.
Good point.
The dual birthday.
Dual birthday and 9-11 and Christmas and Hanukkah.
This is crazy.
Look at that.
Who sent us this?
What's the other side?
Wow, Winnie.
Is it this lady who did it?
Who's this?
Uh oh.
It's like the lady who comes with the wallet.
Yeah, it's the photo.
Yeah, what's the card say?
Wow, that's a beautiful rendering of the Winster.
Okay, let's see what it says.
Winthorpe.
Hi Sam, Mark, and the We Might Be Drunk pod.
Thank you for the share of my little sketch of Winnie.
Here is the original sketch.
Sorry about the other side on the back.
I use every inch of paper to save money.
All right.
Whoa!
Every inch does count.
We Might Be Drunk is one of my go-to pods to listen to
and it would be amazing to see the sketch in the studio.
And if you wanna give me a sneaky shout out,
that'd be amazing. my name is Glynn.
My Insta is GlinkTattoo.
Glink.
G-L-I-N-K tattoo.
Okay.
At GlinkTattoo.
And if you're wondering what the hell is Glink,
it's a play on words with my name, Glinn and Eng.
All right, we got it.
Here we're writing a script for a movie.
Do you have any advice on writing a script or a pilot?
I'd say listen to the churnin' episodes
because they actually made a movie.
Yeah.
Mark and I are still working on it, but thank you.
I heard we got some buzz.
Yeah, this is amazing.
Wow, well done.
Look at that.
That's beautiful, a lot of wasted space there, huh?
For somebody who doesn't like to waste paper,
we got a lot of negative white.
She got the neck rolls perfectly. Oh
very nice the one I
Little perturbed by the bottom house guys using disappearing glink
Setting that up for I came bearing gifts to
Shit whoa man that was like Gina Davis in League of the Reignal.
Well, yes chief.
Chef.
Oh yes chef, oh that's great, Buko!
Hilarious shirt.
That's great.
My gift's in the car.
Your presence is your present.
Hey, I like that.
And I don't know what we have here,
what the hell is going on?
Open it up!
Crumble! What the fuck?
Yeah! The most coveted cookie in New York City, baby!
What uh...
A cookie for the cookie.
Hey, uh...
Should we make a cocktail? We got this new bodega cap bottle.
Look at that bottle, folks.
Strong as an ox, tall as the day is long.
Side by side, this looks like the movie twins look at that shit
This is great. I'm so happy with this new look. It's a beautiful bottle
We had a couple of bars say hey we like it, but the bottle isn't really pop and we we popped just pops cherry
I like that. Yeah, it's like a more of a peachy
That's money color. Yeah, and a shape to the shape. It's yeah, dude
1920 suit yes, yes That's money. Color, yeah. And a shape too. The shape. It's regal.
It's like a 1920s suit.
Yes, yes.
Yeah, it's fucking, I love it dude.
Love it, let's drink.
Are we doing a cocktail?
Do you have ice, Matt?
He got it right there.
Oh, you're the man.
Hell yeah.
You're the man now, dog.
Finding Forrester.
Oh yeah.
Welcome to the rock.
Are we gonna break into this crumble or what?
Yeah, I'll have a bite.
What the hell?
Should we do a, what cocktail?
I mean, I feel like bite what the hell should we do?
What cocktail I mean, I feel like it's never a bad day for a boulevardier
What do you think mark? What do you want?
Is there anything else
What we got
Really Guy who's excited What do we got? You put peanut butter on a guy's ass, I'll eat it. Really?
Guy who's excited.
I love peanut butter.
What's this tincture?
It's a little fucking hangover thing.
Oh, you hung over?
Yeah.
What happened?
Give me everything.
I mean it wasn't bad, but it was more the lack of sleep than the drinking, but I had
a few Negrones at the cellar.
Not a problem with that. a few Negrones at the cellar.
Not the wrong with that.
A few Negronies.
Should we do, are you having a drink too or no?
Oh, whoa.
Who gifted us a drink? Whoa!
Oh, you're talking about cookies, right?
Ah.
Which one are you eating, Mark?
I'm having the peanut butter and it's fantastic.
What does this eat, what the hell is this shit?
Peanut butter with like a vanilla drizzle.
What about this shit there, that's crazy.
That looks like a chunk chocolate chip with mac and cheese.
This is great podcast, I'm like, and what's this cookie?
Explain this cookie to me, Mark.
Oh yeah, the peanut butter is the tits.
I got a few Negronis last night on my set.
Really?
Rough set?
Nah, I'm just kidding.
But, working on some new, oh! so I did Red Bank New Jersey, unbelievable.
Yeah, it was beautiful.
Hitting gym, I don't know how I didn't know about this room.
Great town, great theater, great crowd.
Did a little meet and greet after.
I was like that guy.
That guy goes, hey, I just saw Sam at the Stress Factory and I hightailed it over to
you tonight.
Whoa.
Fun. Holy shit, we might be drunk Jersey nightilled it over to you tonight. Whoa. Fun.
Holy shit, we might be drunk Jersey night.
The drunks are out.
The Jersey boys.
Yes.
I love it, dude.
So yeah, that was fun.
Damn, I love that.
How was the Stress Factory?
Uh, great.
Really great. A good club.
It's a great club.
Smallest green room in the fucking business.
That's true.
But it's good.
Was Vinny there?
He wasn't. Oh, god.
I lucked out, his uncle died,
so I didn't have to see him.
His uncle lucked out too.
Yeah.
I'm sorry about your uncle Vinny.
Thanks for having me at the club again.
It was a great time.
My uncle Vinny.
God, it's a great club.
Oh yeah.
I thought Chris Rock goes to work out.
Is it? Mm-hmm.
Man, I just got to walk with him for a while
because we just were at a screening for a movie
and we were walking a decent amount of blocks together
and like holy shit, we get stopped occasionally.
When you're walking with someone that famous,
you're like holy shit.
Even if they notice you, they don't give a shit.
No.
They're like oh yeah, oh holy shit,
that one's better right there.
Right, it's kinda like an attractive girl
and then a smoke show.
Yeah.
A smoke show is great, an attractive girl's great,
but when an attractive girl's next to a smoke show,
she looks like Salacuse.
Oh!
I'm a 10 at the stress factory.
In Manhattan, I'm like a six.
Right, right, yeah.
I never got one girls back in my Tinder days,
there would be a girl Tindering and they got the photos
and she would be with all her hot friends.
And I'm like, every one of your friends is hotter than you,
what are you doing to me?
Why would you advertise this?
It's, Johnny Fish, our buddies have a great joke about this.
I'm the one on the right, who's the one on the left?
Exactly.
So yeah, strange move.
Maybe she's like, I'll blend in with them.
Maybe I'll rub off some hotness.
I don't know.
It's a camouflage move.
Ah.
But the camo ain't working.
No.
No it's not.
Actually, it's probably good.
It means she has a low self-esteem.
She's in the hot group with low self-esteem.
Well, okay.
You go on the Wounded Gazelle route.
I think it's incorrect, actually, man.
I think she blends in, thinks we're not gonna notice.
Oh, that's all we notice as men.
We're shallow.
Yeah.
It's a shallow app, Mark, it's a picture.
That's true.
Shallow app, good Gwyneth Paltrow film.
Boy, you look back at that movie,
does that hold up to
the scruples of today. Yeah I mean that was kind of dicey then. That's true. It's
it's their only movie where the main guy is not likeable. Yeah. They're good at
making characters likeable. You didn't think he was likeable? Man not really. I
mean it's shallow how. Yeah good point good point well He they put Jason Alexander in it to somehow soften the blow of shallow how and
And it helped a little because Alexander was a real sleazeball in that and he had a tail for some reason
Remember the members only jacket the the toupee it is weird that like
They go so hard to make I guess when you make the other guy a bigger asshole you're probably I get I watch this movie
I'd never seen over the weekend called Carnal Knowledge.
Oh yeah, I've seen that. It's been a while, but yeah.
Yeah, never seen it. It's fucking good, but it's like...
It's hot.
Yeah, Nicholson is just a fucking poon hound in that movie.
Oh yeah.
Prime Jack Nicholson just being like all he cares about is pussy.
Yeah.
And not a great guy.
Yep.
But.
How's that end again?
You really want me to do this?
Yeah, give it to me.
They all, every ten years it just gets worse for them basically.
And by the end it's Garfunkel, he's dating like a 17 year old.
Yeah.
Like some of this shit you see now and you're like, that's kind of rough.
I mean that's the whole plot of Manhattan, right?
He's dating that young broad.
And they don't end up together.
Oh yeah.
And that's the sad part.
Well she had to graduate.
Good to go off to college.
That's really it, he's like bummed,
she's going abroad or something.
That's right.
And he's like what the fuck?
And it's like, you didn't see an end in sight here?
Yeah, it's a fucking tough one.
How does Leon DiCaprio do it?
Cause he won't date anyone over 25.
Cause he cares about the environment maybe gives him an out,
he's that famous, I don't know what it is.
Why does he, I guess he does get some shit.
Yeah.
Oh he gets shit.
But how does he know, he must go,
hey I'm Leo, when's your birthday?
Like he must get that early.
Cause what if she's 25 and a week away from 26?
I think he's got a guy doing background checks.
They're at a party.
It's like, you know De Niro and Heat had John Voight
and he was like, where's the guy staying?
And that would tell him.
I think DiCaprio's got a guy who's like eight, 25, 99,
and he's like too old.
Ah.
Doesn't work for me.
It's funny, usually guys are like, what's their measurements?
He's like, what's their measurements?
He's like what's their day, month, and year? Is he a Scorpio? Do I stir with, I'm gonna
stir with this thing right here. Sorry sponsor. What is that called? Smoke if you got them?
Pipe? Pipe? Am I gonna electrocute myself? What is it? Fume! Get yourself a fume, folks. Great drink spinner. Looks pretty. Whoa, look at that cube.
Wow. There we go.
Boy, cookies are unbelievable. Who gave us those cookies, Matt? Hey, nice one. Thank you, Matt.
Hey nice one. Thank you Matt.
Carmel knowledge, look at that, you already pulled out. Yeah, wow. Happy birthday.
Oh yeah. This has been coming out for Mark's birthday, so. Your birthday. To good health with you guys. I always say I can tell how much I like a guy by how little he celebrates his birthday.
I fucking hate it. You get a guy by how little he celebrates his birthday. I fucking hate it
You get a guy. It's my birthday week everybody buckle up. We're going horseback ride
We're getting dinner for Vito. He's like, what are you doing? She's in my car. I don't fucking
I feel wouldn't eat on the road for Warren for Vitor like you wouldn't be going out at all
There were a lot of hotel lobby apples before Gary came along
No, he wants the finest and it's like, it turns out, it's fun when it's with someone else.
If I were alone going to a fancy restaurant
doesn't do much for me.
My only, but occasionally on the road,
I do love finding a cool hotel bar,
getting to Manhattan.
Love it.
And a beef tartare and just getting shit faced.
That's like my go-to order if I'm like,
if I'm solo on the road, but like, yeah,
I mean it's also like when you're a young comma,
you're just like, let me fucking see
how little I can spend.
Man, we are different people.
I'm like, I'll get a case of Jim Beam and a Taco Bell.
You don't need Taco Bell.
No, I'm joking.
Look at that fucking six pack.
I'm not doing Tartar at a bar alone with a Manhattan.
I fucking romanticize it.
Yeah, you're Bogart over here.
Hell yeah, dude.
Play it again, Sam.
Tell us about this dinner, who's coming?
Oh, it's a packed house. We'll see, yeah, I don't know everybody. I think I know most of the people, but... I thought it was a surprise, so when Veeda's like,
I talked to Sam, I'm like, what you told him?
This is for Veeda more than it is for me. Yeah. We're gonna push this on Veeda.
Here's the thing, they surprised me last year, so I was like, they're not gonna get me again, because I've never done these things before. I'm
not a birthday guy, so I've never... I thought my girlfriend was just taking me
out, she's like, oh let's go to this restaurant, it was really cool, I was like, I don't
want to go out, she's like, just go to this fucking restaurant, I was like, no I'm good,
she's like, I need to go to the... I was like, alright fine, we'll go to your... so of
course I show up in like a bad mood, I'm like fucking... and then I'm like, why the
hell is Salvo Cano here? I'm just like looking around, it's like, you mood. I'm like fucking oh, and then I'm like why the hell is Sal Vulcano here?
Looking around it's like you know yeah, you put it together. Yeah, that would be horrible with an orgy like oh no
That did happen to me remember what well when I showed up that girl's place, and she's blowing me and the guy was there
Surprise yeah, not a good surprise party. I haven't liked surprises ever since.
Also, that guy was, he was not friendly either, right?
He was kind of a cunty guy.
He was pushy about me being either in or out.
Oof.
And I was like, I mean, you gotta give me,
I'm an indecisive person.
I can't decide which jacket, I'm gonna tell you,
you know how, you're like that too, right?
Yeah.
You're like, which jacket is the right temperature?
You don't wanna regret it? And then you're like that too. Yeah, you're like which jacket is the right temperature? You don't want to regret it, and then you're like what are we gonna?
Do if we get into this are you gonna be up my ass am I up your ass?
Are we up her I need some details. You know I need a menu he starts, but fucking you was like you said you were in
Sorry, I need deets. Yeah, he just wanted to watch or you wanted to join
I didn't ask a follow-up question I left now watch Now watch. I wasn't like, hold on, let me get the ground rule set here.
You gotta get ground rules.
Doing an orgy, but could you do the watch?
No.
I remember I told Dave Smith right after it happened
and we were just drinking at the bar together at Caroline's
and he goes, I would have fucked him.
Him?
Yeah.
He was a younger, drunker Dave.
Maybe he said I would have done it. It was something like, he kinda laughed it off and thener Dave. Maybe he said I would have done it.
It was something like he kind of laughed it off and then he was like I think I would have
done it. Well take that and run with it Candace Owens
because that's not the Dave Smith we all thought we knew.
Oh, Shepard. Whoa, I didn't see that coming from old
Davey. Dave's like a fun drinker, you know.
Sure, sure. Sure he's half fucking around but,
I mean yeah that was a weird, weird day.
Yeah.
He just walks in on you.
She set me up, I mean if I did that to a woman,
my career would be over.
That's true, good point.
If I was just like banging a woman,
I guess a woman coming out is not as scary.
But it's not great.
It's not great, it's not ideal.
Yeah.
And then, he said he was like a jacked Asian guy, right?
He wasn't Asian, he was like jacked.
Oh, that's even scarier because now it's threatening.
This guy can kick my ass.
But then the blowjob, if he watches,
what are you guys doing?
You know, like, you gotta see each other.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the DJ, I'm like...
You're like...
You're doing umpire shit?
No, I mean I remember he was like, he was washing.
He walked, the door swung open and she was just sucking me off and I kind of, talk about
going from hard to like a semi.
Yeah.
You're still kind of hard because you're dicks in a woman's mouth and I was young enough
that I was still all it took. But I remember he's just staring at me
and I was just like, are we gonna do this?
And I was like, do what?
And he was like, her?
I was like, you gotta like.
Yeah, gimme a hug.
Not great.
Not great.
And that was pre apps, right?
Or was that a Tinder?
No, I met her on Tinder.
Oh, you did, okay.
This was like right when Tinder started.
Got it, man.
That's fun.
But I met her in like,
where I met her, she was, she seemed really innocent.
I remember I kissed her, I got fucking hammered on the date
and I remember I kissed her like in a cold New York winter
and she was like, oh my, I didn't expect that.
And I was like, oh, she's like a very innocent,
upstanding member of the community.
She was talking about the tartare breath.
Didn't expect that coming off of this.
You never get a beef tartare at a bar?
Never.
Yeah, we're going to a bar, we're getting a fucking beef tartare.
And we'll get it tonight at the dinner.
Maybe we will. Maybe we will.
Yeah.
I never, this is such an underrated cocktail.
We're doing an RTD for this.
I just wish the name didn't sound so fucking hoity-toity.
It's a little posh.
I think we rename it.
We just have to put a spin on it.
We just have to do one more thing.
What if we call it the Avenue?
You know, we got Boulevard, go Avenue.
Avenue's got a New York, Avenue's.
I love it.
All right, we got it.
That's good stuff.
Avenue.
How about this new fucking bottle?
I'm pretty excited.
I love it. All right, we got it. That's good stuff. How about this new fucking bottle? I'm pretty excited. I love the bottle.
It really, it changes the whole feel of the liquor.
Yeah, and the label feels better, damn dude.
Yeah, that looks fucking, although you ever have a bad one?
Holy shit, that'll fuck your day up.
It's got a raw egg, it's raw meat.
You're asking for it and you're drinking all night.
That's the fun, the danger.
I guess.
Although I did have oysters with Chrissy D
and his partner, we fucking went out.
She and I were both not feeling well the next day.
I had to do that, I did part in my take at the show.
I had to do, they have a thing called the gauntlet
where you have to do like an athletic thing
where you make a shot, you score a goal,
you hit a wiffle ball, and I'm like,
I had some real bad diarrhea going into that.
And I do blame my performance on a hangover.
I was bad, but I wouldn't have been that bad.
All right.
Well, you say you wanna live dangerously
until a buff guy shows up while you're getting blown.
That's true.
There's a line.
All right, all right.
There's a limit to the dangerous.
Yeah, like every third steak tartare
is a guy coming out of the closet.
Yeah. It's dangerous. Well, that's, yeah, good point. Yeah, but you know what? You take the risk to get the dangerous. Yeah, like every third steak tartare is a guy coming out of the closet. Yeah.
It's dangerous.
Well, that's, yeah, good point.
Yeah, but you know what?
You take the risk to get the greatness.
You go to the girl's house to get a blowjob.
That's what I want out of the tartare.
That guy is a bad runny yolk.
Yes, he is.
He's a bad yolk.
Yolk's not you.
Well, Adam Carolla, back in the old days, had a great bit about how Jews aren't traditionally
like risky people, like there's no Jewish evil Knievel, there's no Jewish stunt men,
but with food, you guys are fucking daredevils.
You know, it's gefilte fish, this shit, kugel.
I'm running out of Jewish dishes. Can you imagine Evil Knievel with a Jewish mother?
You're gonna jump over cars? What kind of career is this?
How about you buy a car? Why do you have to jump over them?
That's a sketch.
It's a great observation.
We're not risk takers. We're not hunters.
Exactly. You don't jump out of planes, you know?
Yeah, but in our defense,
the skydivers are a very peculiar bunch.
Yeah.
I just saw an article, like father of four, you know,
dies in skydiving accident.
I'm like, oh, you left four behind
because you had to thrill seek?
Mm-hmm.
There's something about that that's pretty fucked up too.
Yeah, what are you running from?
How about those guys just run off a mountain
and then you're like, what the fuck?
And then some crazy squirrel wing comes out
and you're like, Jesus, what are you doing to me?
I thought this guy was committing suicide
and now he's just careening through these canyons.
Like, how about a beer?
You want to get a beer?
Careen?
Careen Abdul-Jabbar.
This guy sees the Dark Knight one too many times.
Fucking jumps off. You're like, what the fuck are you?
You're immortal, you idiot.
Exactly, would be a great way to break up with a chick.
You know what, you're fat, you're ugly, we're done.
Don't call me!
He's just giving her the finger as he's falling,
like fuck the chute, shit, it won't open.
Now that's a divorce.
That's how I wanna do it.
Divorce, man, that's a fucking ugly.
You see Oasis going back on tour?
Yeah. No, that must be broke.
One of them had a bad divorce.
Oh, that'll do it, man.
Yeah, they're like, dude, we gotta fucking,
I miss playing, like, she left it.
Yeah, she left it.
Gotta do it. Yeah.
It's expensive. Yeah, it's scary.
I'm, I love Oasis, dude. I do too. I'm a 90s kid so I was all in there
You saw the Tom Brady? I know it's old news now, but Tom Brady put everything in his mom's name
So Giselle was like here. We go
When I clean up work, I think it worked
Yeah, if that can't well
I mean he must have just sick lawyers to though cuz like I just talked to a guy at the gym
And he told me he lost a shitload. Yeah, I
Mean, I don't know do you know who the richest woman in America is?
Jeff Bezos his ex-wife how fucked up is that that's women's?
Amazon you know who the next richest woman is Lauren Sanchez after she divorces Jeff Bezos
He got remarried?
I don't know if they're married.
Oh God, you gotta get a pre-dine up there, baby.
Yeah, that's right.
He definitely changed his type up.
Yeah.
Oh, did he?
I mean, she's like a different look.
Roll her up.
What's her name?
Lauren Sanchez.
Cause the old gal was kinda normal looking.
Yeah, well they were together since they were young.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, what do you think, Salakis? He's married a bot. Yeah, well they were together since they were young and they built it together. Oh my gosh. Yeah, what do you think Sal?
He's married a bot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You horny bro?
You like that dude?
That's right.
Bot come.
Oh mama!
Don't say it.
He's very powerful.
That's true.
What?
Well I wasn't ready for that mug.
Good golly.
Geez, I'm at the snake exhibit at Bronx Zoo.
Don't say it. All right, all right at the snake exhibit at Bronx Zoo.
All right, all right.
Cut that if you have to.
Those are fucking, she's got A-Rod's arms.
It's fucking.
Yeah.
And Heath Ledger's face.
All right, all right, got it.
Keep it moving.
I didn't say what movie I'm talking about.
Think we all guessed the movie.
Why? I mean this guy is the richest guy on the planet.
Love is love, Mark.
Alright, alright.
Okay.
I feel bad. I feel like I started this.
I brought the name up. We're Googling it, you know.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
I think she looks nicer.
She looks beautiful.
She looks very nice.
Come on, we'd all fuck her.
Of course, of course.
I'd fuck Jeff for a taste of that bulb.
For a share.
Yeah. Just for Amazon Prime. I'd fuck him. I'd let him fuck Jeff for a taste of that for a share. Yeah, just for Amazon Prime
I fuck him. I'd let him fuck me for riding that yacht. I'll tell you
He's got a yacht in the butt
All right, I don't think she's bad-looking like some works been done. Yeah, you think he'd go younger
You got a hand it to him for I think younger isn't she I mean she can't be under
She came in to 45 50
All right, well, I hope he's in love, and I hope they're happy
And I hope she doesn't take all his money when they break up it is weird that he buys her anything
It's like he's that rich. Yeah gotta be that most expensive shit right
54 years old oh, it looks pretty good yeah
he could have gone a lot younger so you got to kind of hand it to him for that
love is love dude DiCaprio 25 year olds he's not he chose yeah and isn't it
ironic that the guy who owns Amazon can't return this and they got the best
return policy in the business not wives can't get a full refund on that that one Jeffrey yeah she
I think I would hit it oh of course of course especially for a 50 she looks
unbelievable then 54 54 yeah very attractive good for them I like this we
went from our shit in her honor to just all be like I mean we'd all fuck her
yeah yeah yeah I mean I'd fuck Grimes. Would you? Yeah! Hold on.
I don't know, dude.
Let's not get carried away.
I mean, give me a couple of tartars and a,
oh yeah, you wouldn't fuck her?
I don't know, she seems pretty fertile, dude.
That's true, I don't like the fertile.
Fertile is really one of my biggest,
ah dude, really?
And crazy.
I would.
That's like resting fuck you face.
Totally.
That's resting like,
dude, you want that face
looking back at all your jokes?
No, I'm not dating.
Go back to that face.
She's not coming to the show, I'll tell you that.
Ah, yeah, I would totally bang her.
I mean, I'd be hard pressed for you to find a celebrity
I wouldn't fuck.
Kathy Bates.
Wow, really?
Would you?
No.
Hold on. Maybe in misery. I got her nude here, Kathy Bates. Wow, really? Would you? No. Hold on. Maybe in misery. I got her nude here.
Kathy Bates. Alright, I'm eating here. Yeah, it's weird you had it bookmarked.
Whoa, look at those yams. Yay! I thought that was Peter's. Good lord. Oh, we got a lady
coming in. I like how we're not broadcasting this to hundreds of thousands of people
Let's all behave anyway alright goes on YouTube pretty shortly
Kathy say it ain't so I don't know what I expected her to come out like
Liz Hurley
Yeah, so LeBron. I'm gonna hurley celeb crush. Who's like your number one mark. Oh, I like Clooney's wife really oh
Celeb crush. Who's like your number one mark? Oh, I like Clooney's wife. Really? Oh, I love them all. The total package? The total package. I love that she's successful, accomplished,
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Nice.
Can we, Matt, can we get another drink, another glass?
Hey, how you doing? Mark.
Hello, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
Good to see you. Boy.
Can I make you a drink?
You guys got some tequila there?
Oh, yeah, we're gonna make you our bodega, can we?
We just got the new bottle.
Hi.
Do you do whiskey or no?
Nice to meet you.
I don't usually do whiskey,
but I will do it in the spirit of.
I love it.
I don't wanna push ya.
Let's get him what he wants.
No, give him a tequila.
All right.
You want it straight?
I'm gonna give, I'm gonna do.
All right, let's give it a shot.
Let's go, let's do some whiskey.
We'll make you a cocktail.
This is exciting, thanks for coming in.
Thanks for coming. Thank you, have we started already? We're on it already. We do a little intro. We're on the a cocktail. This is exciting, thanks for coming in.
Thank you, have we started already?
We're on the air, okay.
And we were actually just talking about billionaires,
partners, and their physical appearance.
We were breaking down Laura Sanchez,
we were talking about, and we all started making jokes,
and then we were all like,
we would absolutely all have sex with her.
And then it went to Grimes
Yeah, so just straight objectification. Yes what you're doing. Yes
Men too
He said the dream woman is I'm all for me. That's my number one. I'm all Clooney
What the record straight let the record state sorry that mark is married yes
He said his number one is I'm all clean so it So she's your number one because she is an assortment
of wonderful things that would encapitate,
you know, that would hypnotize George Clooney
because she's got, isn't she also like an incredible lawyer?
Yeah, I'm all in on all that.
She could pay the bills, bring home the bacon,
and I could fry it up.
All right, but no, I think she's a very attractive lady too well
I just saw before this Kathy Bates was up there, so what were you doing before that?
Did you know that was her just by the tits well done sir?
Those yams my god this guy seen about Schmidt
Alright, we're trying to have a good time here. What are you doing to me? Okay? We uh?
Joking yeah, this is a bigging it up my buddy jam lebatard. You know a sports show
Awesome show thank you. Yeah, I will warn the two of you that the last time I did anything like this
I broke up Burke Chrysler and Bill Burr they what it was their last podcast together
They had me on bill was surly as he often is
He was being dragged in from a barbecue. He didn't want to do it
I kept saying that Boston was racist and that they had shit and Bill Russell's bed and that was the last time that
Bird crusher and Bill Burr ever did that together made this go made this go more successful. Yeah, but they haven't done the podcast again
I guess over been over damn. Well why would you, saying it's racist,
fuck up their relationship?
I can see him being mad at you.
But why the two of them?
Well, he got mad at me.
I don't think he enjoyed it.
I was backpedaling the whole time.
I know better than to try and instigate with comedians.
That's not gonna go well.
Yeah, and especially that one.
Don't poke the bear.
I was just backpedaling,
but they did shit in Bill Russell's bed
He was saying every place is racist and I was saying yeah, but only one place shit in Bill Russell's bed
I didn't know that Wow, I didn't think he's Boston was probably rough
also was it ever heard
Sorry, but uh, yeah, no, that's
Bostonians are very It's a great answer with it. Yeah, that's where you did your special. I love Boston. I love I'm a big fan of racism
No, I I think Boston is some of the best comedy crowds
So there's something about like the blue collar like everyone in Boston is just funny like the everyone there is just like they're like
Oh, it's like it's kind of that New York energy to it
Everyone's like can you believe this fucking shit like they're always in a state of frustration, which is just like, they're like, ah, it's like, it's kind of that New York energy too, where everyone's like, can you believe this fucking shit?
Like they're always in a state of frustration,
which is just funny to me.
Yeah, and you throw in MIT, Harvard, all that,
and you got a nice mix of locals.
Well, Elidus and also like, fuck you.
Yeah.
Like there's a funny, like Cambridge
and then fucking Southie, it's a funny mix.
Yes.
You say funny again and again and I wonder,
I've always wondered and asked and thought
that our show would never succeed in Boston
because Boston is too serious about its sports.
That we try to do funny around sports all the time.
Great sports fans, obviously, unreasonable sports fans.
He told me you don't really do much in the way of sports
and he's an interesting.
He's getting into it.
I'm getting into it.
I like certain sports that sports guys aren't into.
I like UFC, I like skateboarding, I like tennis.
So not the fun ones.
Well he's an interesting combination of 400 year old Jew about all other things and then
12 year old about sports, right?
And so he takes his sports very seriously and I don't know if our thing
would succeed in Boston because they want to talk about a third inning bunt a little
more than I want to.
Right. But I think you got like a Portnoy as adding humor. He's a Boston guy who's
obsessed with sports.
No, but Boston sports, I mean Boston sports like crazy. They got Bill Simmons, they sports
content a bunch. But our our thing is I don't know
It's it's not for everybody. I got you. I got you. I've watched the back and forth you guys get pretty passionate
We fired up. Well you I mean you've been in Florida the whole time. That's he's kind of circumvented the whole ESPN
Connecticut thing by just being in Miami
So you avoided all the bullshit.
Because everyone has like a short-lived tenure at ESPN,
right, everyone's like in and out.
But you're like, you know, you never dealt with,
do you think that kept you there longer?
For sure, like the fact that we existed
outside of the bubble, I went to Bristol one time
in eight years.
Wow.
Yeah, I was able to avoid all of that.
But it's an interesting place.
Why Bristol, why there?
They got a great tax deal from the city.
There's nothing else in Bristol,
so it's basically the entirety of the economy.
It's an entire cult.
Connecticut's a rough state, man.
It is.
There's not a lot of hope between New York and Boston.
What they all say about Bristol is it's only a two hour
drive from New York.
Ah. That's a rough sales pitch. Yeah, exactly
She was hot five years ago. You know you don't hear that you want to hear it's great now
She's hot two hours away from this other chick from a distance. She's hot all right. That's the last
Objectification joke are you apologizing to my wife back there? Is that what you're doing or is that the audience that was the audience?
The wife is involved as well. It was very lovely
You don't know that you don't know if the wife is likely or not. Hey, she seems lovely. How about that? Nice shoe from a distance
Don't talk
That was the last one we're joking. Well, yeah, Florida, that's great. You like Florida? I mean, I used to like what Florida is.
I'm a bit surrounded now by a lot of things
that I don't like in Florida.
The politics of Florida are complicated,
the general amount of fraud.
Miami itself is a bejeweled dumpster,
but I don't love.
I've always lived in Florida and always loved it, but the changes have been uncomfortable
Yeah, yeah, but you get the the beach the Sun
There is that for as long as we have it until both the beach and the Sun
Engulf all of the land and put us underwater and wreck all our homes in the future
Yeah, Miami's like not built to be an actual city that it is.
It's kind of weird, right?
Super weird.
Miami, I would say that all of Florida
is a bunch of spring break towns, all of it.
So it's Daytona Beach,
all whatever you associate with spring break Florida,
but ours is covered by all of the brown cocaine money.
Like all of the people who came in to make,
from Venezuela and Cuba
and everywhere else that make it vastly,
a vastly more ethnic spring break town.
Sure, sure.
Everywhere you go to get fucked up for two weeks
and then you're like, well this is home.
Yeah.
It's kind of weird, but you're from New Orleans,
that's kind of got a similar vibe.
Kind of got the same vibe,
but I mean you don't have to go to that area.
You don't go to the French Quarter.
We lived a little further away. Oh but New Orleans has more
culture I would say not necessarily more cultures but New Orleans I mean has a
musical taste and a food taste that is ridiculous. Yeah it's a fun place to
visit not a great place to grow up I would say but hey maybe Florida isn't
either. I've lived
there all my life I have I know but that doesn't mean like it's it's trying now I
mean I don't know I know you guys go in and out of politics but what is happening
in Florida is insane and it tends to happen 20 years before we tend to be
like 20 years ahead of the rest of the country yeah because it's so many
different kinds of people the diversity ends up happening like fast and I'm scared what the next 20
years are gonna look like because all of this was portended. When Rush Limbaugh
was doing this in Florida and Spanish language radio was going crazy and no
FCC rules, everything that's happening in this country now was like yelled at
through radio speakers 20 years ago in Miami. That's interesting. Also, I know a Cuban guy from Cuba.
He's obsessed with communism.
Obsessed with it.
He's like, it's coming here.
It's going to ruin everything.
I know what it's like.
And I'm like, all right, all right.
Are you getting any of that?
I mean, that's my family all my life.
Like, my parents come from Cuba, come from communism.
Oh, you're Cuban?
Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah, but I'm surrounded because I'm a liberal Cuban, so they call me El Gusano, like the
worm, because I don't agree with the politics of the region.
Look how this delights him.
He loves when someone's called a worm.
It's funny that your family calls you a worm.
No, not my family.
It's not my family that calls me a worm.
That's not as funny.
The family calling you the worm.
Look, the worm's coming in.
That's funny to me.
I don't know. That is funny. You a worm no not my family. It's not my family that calls me a worm
Look the worms coming in
Like tequila
Got the worm right in there you ever shoot a worm that's fucking
It was a New Orleans bar Lucy surfer bar. Yeah, I've got the fucking worm
Disgusting you just what you drink tequila until you get to the worm at the end They were like you shoot the worm you get a t-shirt-shirt So I shot the worm why is the worm in there anyway? What's that signify? I don't know
You got the computer buddy fuck give it a good
Otherwise someone just tweeted at me all white guy podcasts are just googling stuff and figuring it out talking about it
That's true. It really is
We love Google you guys have figured out though,
like a lot of comedians have with these economies,
that you guys are basically just doing radio shows
that rely on your funny curiosities.
So you're just sitting here,
people get to enjoy your company
because you're just discovering shit
and then in real time, add living off of it.
Yeah.
But you've been doing it for how long?
Like 25 years?
It's, I've been, our radio show celebrates
its 20th anniversary next week. I mean it's not a radio show anymore,
it's now a podcast, but it's 20 years, yeah. But you guys have invaded the space in a way
that's super cool to watch how it is. The comedians have like this counterculture, they're
not mainstream, they're not cancelable, and they can run in these circles that it's really
been cool
to watch the evolution of the space thanks because I think the circles that
the TV can't like a like a Theo Vaughn I don't know if you're familiar with them
he just had Trump on love him or hate him you know whatever your politics are
Falon's not gonna have Trump on right now so he's gonna have him on he'll get
some backlash but people are still gonna watch so he can not he doesn't have to
answer any of Bernie on the same
We've and he had Bernie on which you know
No TV show would ever have those two on in the same week like Colbert no way and you guys have me
We're happy to have the worm here
Sano yeah, you and Rodman man
Dennis Rodman was a worm. That's right. He was the worm one of my favorite Dennis Rodman facts is that baby?
He's a he's one of 21 children and his father's name is actually philander. Oh, that's what that's right
Holy shit, that's pretty good. That is very that's incredible. What a sperm on that guy. He's the sperm
that guy he's the sperm. Rodman's the one.
Wow.
You objectify men too.
He's a hunk. Who didn't he fuck?
Carmen Electra, Madonna, Sam.
Heyman is dead, both of those going for loose balls.
No that's, he was the fucking best.
Did you ever interview Rodman?
Yeah. What was he like?
A number of times.
A lot of times.
A lot of bravado, a lot of insecurity, a lot of self-medicating.
Early on, he didn't-
What's that like?
Hold on.
Yeah.
Early on, he didn't have a lot of confidence,
so he'd get in front of public speaking groups
and just as a piston start crying.
And then you saw what it ended up becoming
when he started like
feeding all of his vanities and insecurities and just feeding off attention.
He was kind of the early Charlie Sheen, the way Charlie Sheen had that month of like Tiger
Blood and porn stars and cocaine and AIDS, you know, like.
Winning.
Winning as he said.
I'm winning.
Rodman's got what, five rings? He's winning. Mm-hmm the beast
He's a functioning psycho
And he like there's something about Rodman like in that jordan doc with like he had to go to vegas for a few days
That feels very Charlie Sheen
Yes, like he could like walk up to chuck lorry and be like I need to go fuck a stripper and he's like all right go
Yeah
The James Harden deal. Right.
What's that?
He's got the same sort of deal where he would break away
from Doc Rivers or whatever to go to Vegas
to feed his vices and it was sort of understood
as the coach or manager, leader,
you have to allow your artists a little bit of liberty.
Wow, I love that.
Who's the craziest dude you've talked to in sports. Like what's the most insane interview you've done? Well, what how are you defining crazy?
I can't talk. I well, okay
So you're talking about like it's just me just sort of being odd to be in presence of someone
Well, I love starting a sentence with the phrase when I was in China with Michael Jordan
Like that's a good way to start a I love starting a sentence with the phrase when I was in China with Michael Jordan.
That's a good way to start a sentence.
Wow, how about that?
I asked him about the slave labor in the sneaker shops
and a woman who was one of his many publicists
kicked me in the back with her high heel
while I was asking him questions.
Whoa!
Why would you think that's a good idea?
I mean, come on.
You guys got a billion dollar empire.
You gotta ask some tough questions.
You can't just be, hey, can we go to the Great Wall together?
You know?
Once you kicked with a high heel, did you come?
Right on the spot, yeah.
Right on the spot.
Yeah, it's so embarrassing when he has me on television.
Wow.
Yeah, your cock shot out like Jordan's flicker in Utah.
Yeah, what, yeah, was Jordan, was he cool about it
or was he like shut up?
Oh no, he was always cool.
He had, yeah, well he had great gifts.
Like he knew the size of his power.
Like he knew when he like put a hand on your knee
or said your name, like he knew,
it was a bit hypnotizing to watch how well he used the power
to never say anything and to sell everything.
Because it was part of the gift is being able to,
the best guys in sports who are most beloved
allow us to write the mythology around their winning.
Jeter, Brady, there's not much personality there.
You're not learning a lot about who they are,
but they're benign enough that the sports fan
can just sort of put on them
Whatever it is. They want the myth to be totally that's why I
No offense guys, but that's why I never gravitated towards sports because I didn't I didn't get any personality out of like a Jeter
I like a funny guy or a cool guy or something. I didn't get much
That's why I like one-on-one sports like Like Connor McGregor, love him or hate him,
he's like, he's a fucking, he's a character.
And it's something like Rodman, who I did enjoy,
but I needed that personality.
You know, A-Rod, I don't know a shit about A-Rod.
Tyson.
Tyson Madonna.
That's true.
A-Rod's got a personality, I think.
Yeah, it's true.
It's not the best personality, but I think he's,
he's pretty good on TV, actually.
Is he? I think he's pretty good. Okay. Well, he's got the best personality, but I think he's pretty good on TV actually. Is he?
I think he's pretty good.
Okay.
Well, he's got the smile, and it's not that he has to say very much.
Yes.
But A-Rod, A-Rod, his whole, I've known, I've covered A-Rod legitimately when he was drafted.
I was in his kitchen with his mother in high school, because he's from Miami, and so I've
seen sort of the evolution of that dude wasn't an adult until he got
into his 40s.
Like these guys are so obsessive compulsive and they have to concentrate on being great
at that one thing.
You guys must have some of this that they don't grow up totally because to be great
at what you guys are great at it's so competitive and it's so hard that you have to sort of
be obsessive compulsive about how do I keep getting better at this and other things in
your personality probably you don't pay that much as much attention to. 100% sorry
this is the gayest photo I've ever seen. Can you name all these shirtless hunk Stan?
I think I can let's see who we've got there we've got Ray Ordonez, Edgar
Renteria, we've got A-Rod, who are the ones in the front there? I'm not I don't
know is Garcia Parra is not on there is he like
hold on a second who's that is that is that Jeter on the right yeah that's
Jeter on the right and who is that on the left he's a sexy man no more is it
no more that doesn't look that doesn't look no more is more white looking right
that doesn't look much like no more but he would be of the class of short stops
that that would be in yeah so that's a lot of chains in there.
Yeah, and not as much as they were now.
I watch now and I'm like, what's with the chains?
Is that not annoying?
To be running with just chains shooting in your face?
You would think so, yes.
But you gotta look good.
It's like when you ask Shaq,
he could have shot 70 or 80% granny style
at the free throw line.
But he was like, I'm not doing that.
I'm Shaq.
I'll shoot 50 percent and shoot it the man's way.
Stubborn.
Ignoring.
Well I saw Rick Barry's kid on the Olympics and he was shooting underhand.
I was like, look at this fucking moron.
And he made all of them.
I was like, fucking loser.
Yeah, it's a hit rate.
You'd respect Shaq less if he shot at granny style, correct?
That hurts his money at the end of the day, I think.
Yeah, I think you're right.
If he shot like this, but yeah, he still won, so.
True.
When you talk though about not being interested
because the personalities aren't interesting enough,
the thing in sports that's interesting to me
is sort of the sociology of it,
how these guys become great at what it is they are like that but I I'd like that about
comedy too like I don't know I'm super curious about like how it is that you
guys got to where you are and how and and how much of your funding comes from
where right yeah no I'm totally into that was sport like the Kobe stuff where
he's in the gym before everybody and then after everybody
and all that stuff is fascinating.
Like you're telling me about Agassi.
I love the Agassi story, I love the Agassi book.
His biography is one of the best biographies
of any kind I've ever read.
It's unbelievable how good it is.
He's so cool, man.
I just have so much respect for him.
Like, and that guy who helped him write,
it's a great writer but uh he
wrote what is that he wrote he wrote the tender part yeah more injured who wrote
that he's that like honest to God like you he told me you love to read and
stuff that is the best sports biographies I have ever read yeah it's crazy
it's quite a statement well he's willing to be vulnerable you know Agassi I I've
talked to him I don't know him I mean mean, you read the book, you feel like you know Agassi.
Yeah, yeah.
But, sorry.
Oh, sorry.
Well, just with comedy, there's a hole we gotta fill.
It's the same with the sports, I think.
To get good, you gotta really go for it.
One of the things that I wonder about though, right,
like if you're someone who gets a lot of identity
from your work and you're someone who gets a lot of identity from your work
and you're someone smart enough to know
that you shouldn't actively seek the validation of others,
that the hole you need to fill is about loving yourself,
when laughter is what you need as the ultimate approval,
it's the thing that feels best when you know you got this,
you could throw it into the audience,
and what comes back feels like love, that I could see how easy it would be to get addicted to that. Pretty great. Pretty great
It feels nice. Yeah, it's nice and it's a thought you had it's not even like you didn't have to put anything together
It's like hey, my thoughts are getting laughs. It feels great
Do you guys look at anything and say that's harder than what I do professionally when you strip it down?
and say that's harder than what I do professionally. When you strip it down.
Oh, yeah.
This is the reason I ask,
I admire you guys because of the bravery
of being stripped down to the expectation of funny
and it's only you, your talent, and the microphone.
Like there ain't no teammates, there's no.
When you say it like that,
I think it's easier than anything else.
I go the other way
That's all we need is a mic. It's like look look at I mean look
Yeah, there's repetition like any any form of entertainment you have to work
But like you're saying is this harder then you pull up a picture of fucking Agassi that guy lost his whole childhood
You know like Tiger Woods like to me
So what some athletes you just you know any manual labor job is harder. And then you have.
Right.
I meant in entertainment, I'm sorry.
I meant degree of difficulty in entertainment.
Talking against actors and singers.
Director, director.
Director, forget about it, yeah.
We're all, we're working hard.
I wasn't saying you guys are working in a sewage line
like underwater hardest jobs in the world.
I just wanna clear that up.
I don't think what we do is actually hard
in the grand scheme of things.
But in terms of things, but
In terms of entertainment we're up there for sure I think I think Broadway actors up there if you're like a song and dance person true if you're on Broadway you're doing what like
Six yeah eight shows a week and wow yeah
And like think if you have to do singing and dancing and and you know you're doing like that's that's pretty growing
I think so what what do you think I'm in
Entertainment what do you think is as brave as stand-up comedy? Just we're brave at all. I don't know if we're brave
I fucking hate that I hate when people call us brave
I don't think we're brave
But I we have to write it
Perform it and go on the road ourselves and work on a sitcom and we'll do a podcast and drink you don't have to think it's
Brave, but we have to it's part of the job.
Most people listening to this are terrified
of public speaking.
And thank God they are, because then we look brave.
But we're not that brave, because it's like a skydive.
I could never skydive, I'm terrified of it.
But some guys are like, I can't wait to skydive.
I'm looking forward to it,
and I think it's just a personality type.
Well, I talked to a guy once, he was like,
man, I could never do what you do.
And I was like, what do you do?
He's like, Navy SEAL. I'm like, what do you do? He's like, Navy Seal.
I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
You realize that's harder.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it's just the one hard thing about standup
is that we're our own boss and we have to be disciplined.
Yes.
You don't have a guy being like, get that in by 5 p.m.
You're the dude having to be like,
fuck, I need a new joke by eight o'clock tonight
or I failed in my mind.
And 95% of comics don't adhere to that, I'd say.
Don't have the discipline?
Yeah.
It's hard, man.
Think of us, a lot of us got into this
because we're kinda, something's off a little bit
and now all of a sudden, like,
I need this thing by this time,
and no one's gonna tell you that.
I mean, maybe at a certain level,
once things go well, your agent's like,
we need this by this time.
Maybe you're working with a producer
who needs something by this time.
But like, when you're just doing standup,
you're the boss, you're in charge, it's all you.
So.
Do you like the act of writing, the process of writing?
Like, I get.
I told you he was gonna turn this in an interview.
Ah, you're right, you're right. Should I not have done that? No, no, no. But I get. I told you he was gonna turn this interview in life.
Ah, you're right, you're right.
Should I not have done that?
No, no, no.
I said, Lebotard is Howard Stern, essentially,
where he's gonna interview us.
I'm genuinely curious about how it is you got,
and I would assume your audience is as well,
and it's an excellent way to deflect intimacy.
So if you want to come at me, you can.
We'll answer this, but then we're going back at you.
So what was the question?
I don't even remember.
I was just deflecting intimacy.
I was just deflecting intimacy.
You gotta be your own boss and all that.
But hey, you know.
The act of writing, the process of writing.
I grew up as a writer, and so what I enjoyed about writing
is having written.
With the Miami Herald?
Yes.
Whoa.
But it's fulfilling.
So it's fulfilling, but only after it's done.
I can't imagine, when I cite bravery
with what it is you guys do,
when the last special is done
and you've been sculpting that thing for a year
and now you've got a blank canvas
and you gotta go and you gotta make another special.
That's the hard part.
Yeah.
And now the discipline.
You saw me last night, you know what the process is.
It's just like, you know.
A lot of failure.
Yeah, like a little, let me see if these work.
Let me slide in these jokes.
So, but so how, yes, I did see you last night.
How do you ravage yourself and how forgiving
are you on yourself when the last joke you made,
you stumbled toward the finish line in your life?
I did, I flubbed the last line of the last joke,
but I was already over the light, so I was like,
I'm not a dick, I'm not gonna run the light.
But how does that, like, how do you,
I have a hard time treating failure as learning,
and that's all you guys are doing all the, like.
Well, first off, I didn't know it was a failure, Dan.
Thanks for reminding me.
No, I think the rest of the set went well,
so it's like, you flub one line,
I was kinda like, ah, fuck me, sorry, have a good night.
Like, I just, I don't wanna,
I don't have the ego to think that I should fuck up the show
by doing another joke.
I don't wanna keep other comics waiting,
so that's why I got off.
But yeah, I was mad at myself,
but I just didn't sit around the corner that was good,
and that set went pretty well.
So I think the new jokes were working,
and if you make a mistake, it's just a mistake.
You do so many sets,
you can't just zone in on it and hate yourself.
You can if you're a self-loather.
But it's counterproductive, you know,
it's not helping me.
A hint of self-loathing is great,
but once you just are like, fuck me, I'm a fucking idiot,
it's like, no, they had fun, I could tell they had fun,
so you know.
You could spin the self-loathing into working you go
Ah, I fucked up. I'll never do that again. Let me let me hit the books
But there's real confidence in what it is that you're doing and being that gentle with yourself. Oh really I
Have the understand it like I'm not that forgiving with myself. I'm not that gentle with myself on yeah
Well, as long as it's not a hindrance, I was also a couple of Negroni's deep at the time I'm not that forgiving with myself. I'm not that gentle with myself on mistakes.
Well, as long as it's not a hindrance.
I was also a couple Negronis deep at the time.
That might have been part of it.
The calm in that moment.
Yeah, no, I'm mad when something misses,
but that was a joke I know works.
I do think about how many sets we do a week.
It's like in the grand scheme of things, it's this.
But the real confidence is you guys have so many jokes that
You know work like you're just waiting. It's you've done it so many times by the time you get to the special that you know
Pause here wait for laughter. Yes. I like it's music. Yeah completely. It's very jazzy
Except it's written, you know most jazz is improvised. But yeah, yeah, it's a
It's a lot like sports
Bring it back to me
A lot of questions cuz like you brought up the birth thing with
Burr Kreischer kind of an interview that went up the rails a little bit
So I want to know like who are athletes that you've interviewed you were like, man this guy sucks, I can't get anything out of them,
they're brutal.
Yes!
It didn't go poorly with Bert Kreischer and Bill,
I think it was probably entertaining to the audience.
Just when it was done, I didn't feel good about it
and it ended their podcast.
So, so it, you know, I, Bert said that that was the reason
that it ended that, I don't think he was lying to me, yes.
So, but there are athletes, there are all sorts of athletes,
usually the younger ones who are either
not introspective enough or by job design,
NFL quarterback, you're purposely boring
because you don't want to have the headlines
of whatever comes in that military environment
when you say the thing you're not supposed to say.
Oh, I never thought of that.
When Tuatunga Wailoa comes out of college Alabama,
he's a very young kid,
he's not a, you know,
when I was talking about lopsided athletes,
you're a quarterback coming out of college,
you're good at quarterbacking, you're not a grownup.
Like you're a grownup at quarterbacking.
Yes.
You're not actually a grownup.
And so you're all so careful and guarded after that,
I'm not gonna be able to get anything out of you.
But now, the last time I talked to Tua a couple of weeks ago,
he made all sorts of headlines because he got his money,
he got his confidence.
You know Hawk Tua?
Ah.
Just sitting there, I had to takeoh? Keep going, keep going. He got more confident
with age so the guys you want, the people you want to interview have some life experience.
Yeah, completely. So there are all sorts of athletes that I feel like I'm going with a
crowbar or a tire iron into their mouth to get something out of them because they haven't lived a life
that has a lot of wisdom in it yet.
Yeah, see that would kill me as a broadcaster.
I'd be like, come on, motherfucker,
this is a boring app, let's go.
But it's weird because you've got this guy on
who's very popular, so it's kind of a Catch-22.
We got this great big guy, everybody loves him,
but we're on microphones here.
But you understand that it's your job to be entertaining.
That ain't their job.
They're entertaining on the gridiron.
Their skill set is to be entertaining with the skills
that they apply all the time.
We're a nuisance.
We're an invasion.
We're something that they don't even want in the locker room.
And furthermore, what's gotten worse
is they don't actually need us anymore.
Like, it used to be that it mattered to be on the cover of and furthermore, what's gotten worse is they don't actually need us anymore. Like, it used to be that it mattered
to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated
or it mattered to be interviewed by ESPN.
Now all these guys have realized,
no, I'll make my own content,
I'll make the money off my content,
I'll show people what I want them to see.
Yeah, and I think, and look, I'm in the minority here,
but remember that guy with the gun, Ja Morant? Yeah.
Is that his name?
Yeah, he's got it.
I'm okay with that.
Let the guy play basketball or whatever,
is it basketball?
Yes.
Yeah, let him play basketball, that's off the court.
I feel like the guy should be able to do whatever he wants
as long as it's not illegal.
Was the gun illegal?
It might have been illegal.
He had other issues with that.
Oh, did he?
But that was mostly optics.
The dash seems like a bad influence.
Oh, all right, well I'm like, hey,
if you get caught with a DUI,
I'm not gonna stop buying your specials.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't like that whole.
You've been buying my specials?
What the fuck?
Yeah, I try to be nice as a friend.
Mark buys, he listens to my stuff on iTunes.
Yeah, I get the vinyl.
He's behind.
But I'm just saying, that shouldn't affect
your ticket sales.
Well, they get paid a shitload of money, though.
That's true.
I agree with you, but when you're getting
super max deals that are like 200-something million dollars,
their argument is probably like,
well, you're representing our face.
Yeah, I guess that's true.
And this is why you're getting all that money.
And we don't have a representative.
We're the representatives. Yeah. All right, that's a good point. I mean is why you're getting all that money. And we don't have a representative. We're the representatives.
Yeah.
All right, that's a good point.
I mean, think about it, like, you farted on podcast guests.
If you're in the NBA, they'd probably be like,
could you dial that back?
Yeah.
You know?
That's all he told me about you, by the way.
He'll probably fart during the podcast.
Oh, I would never.
I was just, you know, I like people to know what's coming.
I like when they don't.
You're cool with my whole surprise.
I'm sorry.
No, if one churns up, I'll let you have it.
Thank you, I appreciate the gift of giving
that you're all about.
This is good, by the way, for those who don't know,
I don't do celebrity endorsements,
but this is, nor am I a whiskey guy,
but this is good. Or we're celebrities.
Yeah, none of it's real.
But it's a good cocktail.
I love a boulevardier, man.
So you answered if people are bad interviews.
Is anyone just a straight up dick
where you're like, I'm not having this guy back on?
Ray Rice?
That's happened to so many times.
Ray Rice?
Ray Rice was not a dick.
Antonio Brown?
Antonio Brown became a dick, but was like excellent before that
Antonio Brown was homeless in Miami at 16 years old. So I don't know somehow he's worse off now
Funniest Twitter follow by the way, it's good unbelievable cracker of the day. I'm hoping one day I'll get that
We'll never get an Oscar, but we might get cracker of the day. I'll take n-word of the day, I'm hoping one day I'll get that. Yeah. We'll never get an Oscar, but we might get cracker of the day.
I'll take N word of the day, whatever it is.
I'll go for it.
That'd be more of a flattering thing.
That's true.
Yeah, good point.
You don't want an F of the day.
He does that one too.
The Dicks are all over the place in sports and I remember-
In the locker room?
Yes, that too.
My first experience with it, I was very young.
I was in my early 20s and I go up to,
this name's not gonna mean anything to you,
but of an old baseball player named Chili Davis.
I remember Chili Davis.
And I just.
Close to the Yankees as well, right?
I came up to him and I just asked him something
about whether or not I could talk to him
and he's like, no, I don't do that.
And then I'm like, seriously?
What is he, my girlfriend?
There he is, this old chili.
And I'm like, seriously?
And he looks me in the eye and he's like, as a heart attack.
Whoa!
Seriously as a heart attack.
But I can give you a lot of stories like that.
All we are is a professional nuisance.
Imagine someone invading your space where you're getting dressed all the time But that I can give you a lot of stories like that like all we are is a professional nuisance like imagine
Imagine someone invading your space where you're getting dressed all the time and just needing something from you all the time
I get it. I get it. We have we have stuff like that, you know, but what about this?
What about a guy who's dying to talk? He's like, oh, I can't wait to do the real. I'm an egomaniac
I want to hear myself talk. There are people who
I'm an egomaniac. I want to hear myself talk. There are people who want to talk because
when I was writing a lot, I was somebody who tried to get at the depths of who a person was. And so if they knew my reputation as someone who could tell their story, well, there would be
people like an Aaron Rodgers before the recent things who want to be more seen by the public
because they don't think that they're understood very well. And they sort of want who want to be more seen by the public because they don't think
that they're understood very well and they sort of want a writer to be the bridge to
communication for them on can you frame this for me.
That's why Agassi chose Morringer as his writer on his biography because he's like I have
not expressed myself this way to others but if I go get somebody who's a construction
worker about words he'll be able to bring me to the people in a way that I haven't been seen
before.
Hey, good answer.
Thank you.
My first good one so far.
Oh no, you've been killing it.
More drink.
I'll get really good by the end of this and we'll be doing it like in the locker room.
The three of us will be nude and I'll be asking you questions.
Bring it on.
I'll hit you with a tell.
What – yeah, I'm trying to think. Why is Serpico up on the I'll hit you with a tell. What um yeah I'm trying to
think why is Serpico up on the screen? He's a fan. Pick whatever I want. Okay so.
Screen saver. What do we think about the end of Pacino's career? The last 15 years
of work that don't involve him being an 80 year old father of a newborn. Well he
kind of started doing an impression of himself at the end and it just got weird people have bills. I guess you know it's expensive probably living as Al Pacino
And I don't know but I mean heat was on TV yesterday that movie still fucking so fun
It's a good time is that based on the Los Angeles shootout or not
I don't know I look it up
Collins based on the churning wreck is pretty it good? It's actually pretty good.
It's 2015 Pacino.
That's the late stage Pacino.
Alright, nine years ago.
Heat 2?
You excited about Heat 2?
They're doing a 2?
Yeah, Michael Mann's got a second one.
Young Neil McCauley.
Whoa.
That'd be cool.
I'm surprised they didn't go all female cast.
Hot flashes.
Lady Heat.
Yeah, Lady Heat.
Well, they're doing a female fight club.
Do you hear about this?
Wow.
Yeah, all female.
So that'll be interesting.
It's just, I guess it's like a bunch of roommates
who are synced up.
All right, okay.
That's it.
I'm looking forward to an all female call me by your name.
That'd be cool.
That'll watch.
That'll work.
Is a female all fight club reboot from Greta Gerwig?
Well, you gotta love Gerwig also it says that
Heat inspired that North Hollywood shootout it did okay. Thank you what he inspired the shooting the shootout
So if the shooter saw the movie. Oh do this. Oh, I had it backwards. Yeah
Way worse
My wife with Two Girls, One Cup.
Oh.
All right.
Wow, I didn't know that.
That's fucking, that's horrible.
Yeah.
Remember they made that movie Elephant?
It was just a school shooting.
It was Gus Van Sant.
It was literally just Columbine.
It's fucking brutal.
Before Columbine or after?
No, I think it was after.
That was about Columbine. Where is Columbine or after no, I think was after
Where is Columbine Colorado Colorado?
That's too big eat three big shootings out of Colorado. There was a grocery store one. Oh, yeah, and then that Wow
Colorado bunch of potheads I thought yeah, but it's a lot of woods people to
What give a peeve?
Do I I'm sorry I have to have a peeve about about what about shooting do I do I?
Needs to graduate to something more than a
We could do better than even school shootings like just what so so what is an irritation of mine? Can I can I think about that?
Give me a filibuster so I can think about
something that would be a pet peeve of mine. Happened to me yesterday, so my wife's pregnant,
so she's having all these crazy cravings. So yesterday she's like, I'm dying for pho.
Let's get pho. I was like, great. I know the spot. Got us a reservation. We walked down
there. This place is jam packed, but it's a Vietnamese place run by Vietnamese people,
so they are just, it's like a fucking Santa's workshop in there they're just pumping them in pumping
them out there's no hello there's no thank yous it's just business so we go
to please they go the bar the bar like I always sit at the bar and then the
ladies going back and forth so we're trying to order and God forbid you have
a question and I go we finally got okay two classic fuzz don't hurt us
They put the foe down and there's no sauces
You gotta have the sriracha and the brown shit plum sauce. Is it plum? I think it's plum
I love fish sauce. Yeah, what color is it? It's brown. Oh, okay
Yeah, old Mets shirt over here is really all-knowing
I love that you guys have someone on the payroll
Who's just all all-knowing on all things? It's all confidence. He's mostly looks
But alright, so they put down there's no sauces
So and my lady wanted a coke zero
So I go can we get some sauces and a coke zero she goes coke zero and Zero? And I go, yeah. And the sauces.
She goes, I heard you. And I was like, but you
didn't acknowledge the sauces. So I just was
repeating it so you didn't have to make two trips.
It's a peeve.
That's a peeve. The, uh, I heard you. Well,
I'm like, I didn't, how do I know you? You gotta
give me an acknowledgement. That was it.
That's a good peeve.
It was tense in there too, just with the, with
the action and the steam.
They're fast paced people.
Yes. Yes. All business. There's're fast-paced people. Yes, yes.
All business.
There's an intensity to these people.
I got a stern eye hurt.
The better or worse?
Yes, the food's great and the service was tough.
So they got us in the war, man.
They were crafty.
Different angles.
They were good.
There's an intensity to the pho people.
The Vietnamese.
The Vietnamese.
I will go with one that's wife related.
I would say it's legitimately the only thing my wife does that's annoying.
I'm not...
There we go.
We get it, she's in the room.
Where are we going?
Well, I'm volunteering a peeve on my wife while she's in the room.
If it's like, she smells too good.
Come on, give me a real one. peeve on my wife while she's in the room. If it's like she smells too good. No.
Come on, give me a real one.
It's after I've gone to get what it is I was sent to get
at the grocery store, when I get the text,
while I'm in the elevator going back up to our home,
and here are the other three things that I need.
Oh, that's a peeve.
That's a tough one.
That's a good one.
That's a very good one. That's a good one. Yeah, we wanted oat milk too. Well, I'm in the fucking elevator. I'm. Oh, that's a peeve. That's a tough one. That's a good one. That's a very good one.
That's a good one.
Yeah, we wanted oat milk too.
Well, I'm in the fucking elevator.
I'm with you, dude.
No, that's not how it happens.
The elevator goes down and it returns with oat milk.
As long as she's understanding that you're already back.
She doesn't understand because I go right back down and go back quietly back to the
store.
Oh, so that's on you. She's saying you don't check your phone. Oh, so that's on you.
She's saying you don't check your phone.
Okay, that's her.
It's hard to check your phone
when you're holding two bags, too.
That's right, or five bags,
which is what it usually is.
I'm with you.
I think, let me know in advance.
I got a peeve.
I'm working with someone,
and she starts every sentence with,
let me figure out how we're gonna do this,
or here's how we're gonna do.
Like, there's always a big build up to what she's
going to say by the time the conversations over it's been like eight
minutes of her just like leading up to shit she's gonna say she says nothing
circle talk circle talk circle jerk but of talk but she's going but she's going
up she goes okay I'll tell you what's going on next I'm like just say it I'm
with you I hate the fucking drum roll?
We don't need the preamble.
Yeah.
Yeah, just say the thing.
Yeah, I lost it.
I was literally on the way to the subway.
I had like 10 minutes to have her do it.
She said nothing in those 10 minutes.
Yeah.
And finally I'm going on the train and go, get to it!
And some guy looked at me and he was like,
ah, I was like, sorry.
Get to it.
Ah.
I heard you.
Oh man, that's a good one.
I have a hard time imagining Sam being mean to somebody
who's not mean to him first.
Being, wasting my time is mean.
Just cause she's got a nice delivery system, it is mean.
Yeah, I'm with you on the preamble.
Nothing, there's no need for it.
And whatever's coming next better be fucking good.
The phrase, I will say this.
Yeah.
Oh my God, say it!
Just redundant.
Just say it.
But I've noticed a lot of younger people do this where they go, actually? You know, you
go, uh, you know, rain like three inches yesterday. Actually? Nah, just making up rain things.
Yeah, yeah. And also what happened to really? We've bypassed really, we're going straight to actually. Like three inches yesterday actually that's making a brain thing
And also what happened to really we've bypassed really we're going straight to actually you know this is crazy But just fucking say the thing
Also, I notice people say they don't say I think they say I feel like you know if you go if I go
I think that movie is a little overrated. They go, I feel like it's pretty good.
No, you think it's pretty good.
What's the feeling?
See, this makes you guys crazy, at least in part.
Actually is longer than really.
I feel like is longer than think.
You guys are words.
You guys know the economy of words.
You need shit to be efficient when you're speaking.
It's also, I feel like it's never used.
You never hear a Holocaust or an I like,
I feel like it wasn't six million used.
That would be a good use of it.
You're like, look, I don't think that happened.
I feel like it's not true, you know?
Yeah, actually.
Actually, the Holocaust was pretty bad.
Guy, you have to say it with a question mark.
Can I just say this?
You guys are really making a meal out of it.
No. Can I just say this? You guys are really making a meal of it.
You have to have the lane in all of comedy at the moment with more comfort with Hitler and Holocaust jokes than anybody.
That's so true.
Like is there anyone else leading the way?
Me?
Yes, you! What do you mean?
There's a lot of content out there on Hitler. It's not just me.
True, the History Channel, that's a great bit.
Not a lot of it is jokes though.
I know, but you gotta.
Yeah, he's the most famous bad guy.
So you gotta kinda, it's an easy-
Funny to call him famous.
That Hitler was a star, I tell ya.
He is, I mean, he's the most mainstream,
notorious bad guy of all time.
Stalin killed more people, we go to Hitler.
He was somehow picked that he's the guy.
Star power, charisma.
No, come on.
Great public speaker, he had it.
He's got a good quality.
Come on.
And great ideas.
It's everything they say about showbiz,
you can't take no for an answer.
You can't go into Czechoslovakia, watch me.
Yeah, he did his own way. I'm gonna be a star
Mussolini didn't have it, you know a little boring. Pol Pot, this is not a catchy name. Come on, get out of here.
The name is super fun. Pol Pot.
Exactly
Don't get me started on uh, I do do many too many Hitler jokes
I feel like there's one
Good one you mean that's gonna be a movie. I mean in Forest Whitaker
Oscar oh he was nice when you're a dictator in the movie about you the actor wins an Oscar That's all you can hope for that's gonna feel good. Don't make a Castro movie, and you just hope the guy can deliver
It's like the only dictator movie with laughs in it
Can't think of another the dictator the great great dictator with Chaplin. There you go.
But what about um, uh
I heard a great story about Sasha Baron Cohen that I don't know if it's true or not.
I love the Cohen. That he had a three
movie deal after at the height of I don't know I get would it be after Borat? It would have to be after Borat.
A three movie deal and he makes the dictator and it became a one movie deal that that he wasn't gonna be able to litigate himself out of
because the executive had so much power that he just said go ahead and try and
fight me on it that the dictator and then I don't know if it's true or not I
haven't looked at his IMDB but I I don't remember his career exactly flourishing
after that with a lot of-
Story from 2012, Sacha Baron Cohen
turns his red carpet romp into a three picture deal.
Hold on, where is it?
So why did he accidentally just didn't like his movie?
He didn't, what happened was the dictator failed.
He was saying, what's a movie with laughs in it?
And I wanted to make the joke that the dictator
didn't have quite enough of them
That's true because it's because it flopped and then he didn't get the rest of whatever that was supposed to be he had Bruno
That might have been before that was after Borat. I think yeah Borat Bruno dictator. Mm-hmm. I guess
But he got a three-picture deal after Borat
then he got a three. But he got a three picture deal after Borat. That's the way it worked, but the only one that got made, well because the illustration of the story was that in Hollywood
the producers and the power have so much power that the stars only have so much power. That even
someone like Borat, you're always one dictator away from your empire falling apart. Whoa, that's crazy.
That sucks.
See, we got no one to answer to.
Even Borat, the most rebellious character of all time,
has got a thumb on him.
You gotta fuckin' hate yourself at the end of the day,
though, if you're the producer who's squashing Borat.
Yeah.
You're the guy who's just like,
it's not gonna work, dude.
Well, they made two of them.
Did they?
They made Borat too. Did they? Electric Boogaloo. Well, they made two of them. Did they? They made Borat too.
Did they?
Electric Boogaloo.
Yeah, it was not as good.
Oh, it was on Amazon.
Yeah.
Whenever they take like 10 years after though,
it's like, you gotta strike while the iron's hot.
You gotta, you know.
But he made a lot of great shit.
He did, yeah, I think he's a genius.
Yeah.
I think he went to Oxford.
He is a genius.
He's indisputably a genius. Yeah, that show was the HBO show when Ali G. Yeah
Oh man best troll ever. Yeah
The when I think of young talent being better than everybody else at something like Paul Thomas Anderson making boogie nights at 26 years old
and and making Boogie Nights at 26 years old. Wow, 26. Yeah, that's crazy, right?
And I think of Ali G.
And just to make something so good
that he could no longer do it
because it had gotten so pop culture evasive.
Right.
That he couldn't fool anybody anymore.
And people were starting to do your voice so much
that it becomes annoying.
Yeah.
You know, it's like when people were just doing
like the snap and all that, you're just like, all right, just let him fucking do it. He's doing it well. Yeah. You know, it's like when people are just doing like the snap and all that, you're just like,
alright, just let him fucking do it.
He's doing it well.
Yeah.
Well Seinfeld has that.
Like everybody, what's the deal?
He walks into Howard Stern and they're all like, Jerry, what's up with microphones?
He's gotta be like, alright, I got it.
But it's been 30 years of that shit.
And he takes it pretty well.
Yeah, but that's part of being, that's part of changing comedy.
True. Is he, Jerry changed comedy. Yeah, but that's part of being, that's part of changing comedy. True.
Is he, Jerry changed comedy.
Yeah, that's true, that's a good point.
He's the, he's what you do when you make fun of standup.
That's kind of flattering.
I went to see him last year,
I don't know if this will make you feel a certain way,
but he was in Fort Lauderdale,
and I was legitimately walking over to get to
my seat, canes and wheelchairs because the demo was so old because...
Someone in line just died. Because he's 70 years old right or however old he is
that you would never guess that he's 70 years old and I admire him the way that
you guys do is just like as a craftsman on what it is that he created.
Yeah, how was the show?
He was great.
I mean, he's still, I know there are some people,
it's tough for comedy to age.
I don't know a lot of comedians in their 50s.
Like just what's happened with Eddie Murphy,
where you remember what that was when it was young
and hungry and then success happens
and why would you be that young and hungry again?
Why would you choose whatever the suffering is
between specials unless your personal pride is so strong
and your love of it is so strong that you can't help
but not get fat on whatever it is
that fame and temptation are?
Like once you've arrived at an airport hanger filled with whatever with cars
that Jerry Seinfeld has, like what's the motivation to still be great? In his
case it's personal pride. Yeah and he just loves it. He just loves stand-up. He
loves the writing. He loves the whole routine of it. But to your point,
Larry David finished Curb, 12 year, 12 season, whatever it is.
He goes, I'm going back to stand up. He did, I think, two shows and now he's done.
So it's a lot of grinding, you know, and this guy's a zillionaire, 75 year old dude.
He's like, I'm not doing that.
Who are the ones that have aged well? Carlin, Rickles, George Burns, like Dangerfield.
But how many, who, who of the modern comics that you guys admire,
can you imagine in 60s and 70s still like grinding it,
doing tour work, you know,
being at a restaurant somewhere in Cleveland in the kitchen
because they just gotta make the material work.
It's funny saying grinding
because a lot of them are gonna be flying private.
That's true, but Atel and Quinn,
they'll be in first class.
They'll be commercial air,
and they'll be doing clubs and back rooms.
A lot of pride, for sure.
Well, let me ask you guys this about Atel,
because his last special was 39 minutes,
and he purposely farted out the last three minutes
as a fuck you to everybody he's still
great indisputably great but like when you guys watch that special and he's
throwing away the last three minutes because he couldn't get three more
minutes of comedy and he can do that because he's a tell you feel a certain
kind of way about it do you judge it he had that time he probably just didn't
like any of the jokes enough he's he's, you know, he's a perfectionist and when we talk about like self-loathing, Dave is just very, he's very
much like, fuck this joke, fuck this, like he has stuff that's enough, it would be better
than almost anyone's specials and he flushes it down the toilet. So when you say he couldn't
get to 40, of course he could have. That was him trying to be funny I think and it was
funny him playing the recorder for the last minute or two for the seals but... And a little bit of a
fuck you I think to Netflix you know like you want you want this much
requirement out of me this is what you're getting. I mean Prior put out 34 minute
albums. Oh did he? Yeah why can't I I think time is overrated like good is good you know
no I'll be honest when a movie is like 90 minutes,
I'm like, fuck yes.
I'm so happy when a movie is not, like holy shit,
you ever just look at a movie's runtime
and you're like, fuck you.
I know.
What the hell, you couldn't tell, three hours and 45 minutes,
that's, every once in a while it's a masterpiece,
but every once in a while I'm like,
dude, you couldn't get it done in two hours.
The greats can make bad choices. The that departed the way it ended with a rat running across
Terrible and you could have ended just ended 12 seconds earlier. Yeah, awesome
But that's a little on the nose. I mean it's spoiler alert everyone dies at the end and it's a bit of a surprise
I don't need a rat scurrying across the balcony because Matt Damon's character was a rat.
Yeah, we couldn't put it together without that.
Also, here's a little spoiler.
When De Niro and the Irishman says he likes to paint houses,
that means kill people.
Whoa!
Not a lot of people get that, but I caught that.
Uh-oh.
I think the book is called I Paint Houses.
I know.
Oh.
Ah, he's gonna paint your house. It'll watch out. Yeah, yeah. But, no, he's fucking, and I like the Irishman. I paint houses. I know
But uh, no he's fucking I and I like the Irishman I love Scorsese dude But like you know, I didn't love the Irishman the CGI that you have to do to get to narrow at 78 to be beating
Someone last act was incredible. I thought the last like yes the last like hour was incredible
I thought but yeah, that's that was equally long. It was maybe longer.
It was like a record breaker.
Yeah, but at least I felt like, wow,
that was like, that hit me at the end.
I mean, just the, like, you die alone.
Like, that ending was more powerful to me
as opposed to like, I got, I at least appreciate
that this was a story that was personal to Scorsese
and that he like really felt it and he wanted to
be a part of that ending but I was like it just didn't hit me. Are you familiar
with Gary Veeder? Yeah his friend and his opener. I just didn't know if you knew that story
it's just such a great sports story. I don't know the story you're talking
about. Well he did one of the shows on your network though he did Pablo
Torres I think yeah. He finds out oh well he's told me that his, are you talking about the pod that he does
about with his dad and stuff? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah but I'm not familiar with the details
of that story. Is your audience? Oh yeah. Oh yeah but it fills right up your anal. I
mean it's all. Oh you like it. It's fucking good man. Okay forgive me for my ignorance.
No. No no it's just about his dad was a con man and got him free tickets and they went
backstage and he said his son was a Sports illustrated kids writer, and he met you know Jordan Tiger Woods
Elway yeah, yeah, Wayne Gretzky Tiger Woods another one that doesn't say anything by the way like in terms of how it is that
You that documentary on I'd recommend that one on max
That doesn't have any access to him.
Tiger Woods is somebody who is bland on purpose so that we can continue selling stuff around him
without him being any kind of controversial.
I don't know who I would cite as the best of the athletes,
like great, great athletes who are also publicly interesting
like is there anyone trying to think Deon Sanders is kind of entertaining yes
yes that's a good one okay not kind of entertaining super LeBron's not a great
interview now but he's better than these other guys yeah and stands for
certain things Steph Curry is excellent but but when you talked about John Marant
and face of the league stuff,
the place that I went first, right,
when you're representing the league
and have to be palatable to white customers,
like in that league,
your majority of your customers are the white customer.
Steph Curry is a family man, a religious man,
his dad and mom before they divorced at the games and stuff.
That is a little easier to sell than John Morant
on Instagram with his father waving a gun around.
What if it was a white player with a gun?
That's pretty easy to sell to white America.
Ooh, true that.
What if we get Cooper Flagg just holding up a gun?
This is fucking, I don't see anything wrong with this.
I saw that Trump the other day visited Max Crosby, I'm gonna get Cooper Flags is holding up a gun. This is fucking, I don't see anything wrong with this. Yeah.
I saw that Trump the other day visited Max Crosby.
Put Max Crosby and Gardner Minchew on the screen for him.
Actually, do me a favor.
Minchew?
Actually, put for him on the screen
Gardner Minchew's recent workout video
where he was shirtless.
Now this is a guy who in the off season,
purposely even though he's a Raiders quarterback,
lives in an RV
Once he finds this video for you
I will ask you whether you'd be surprised at all whether Gardner Minshew and Max Crosby who?
Spend time with Trump and are willing to do so even though they've got a huddle filled with black teammates whether or not you think
They might be
Yeah, that's it. No, I mean you don't need really you have multiple shirtless sweaty hairy torsos with a mullet cut
You're telling me that guy's a Trump fan
But also I got a bite to break it to you lab
But the the black the young black men seem to be going towards Trump
So I don't know if that this guy is that that different now
So I don't know if that this guy is that that different now
All this one's been confusing to me that entire generation of men seem to be going toward Trump
But this is look whether it's Tucker Maxx or Andrew Tate or whoever or Dan Bolzarian like that There's there's a hating women is something that young men
Hating women is something that young men who are insecure around women
and have had their egos trampled by women
because they don't know how to deal with women.
It's sort of, it's not easy to explain.
I don't know, dude, Andrew Tate said
if I don't vote for Trump, I'm gay.
So I'm like, it's tough.
Yeah, you don't wanna be gay.
That's the angle they're taking now.
They're like, you want a fucking lady president?
You're fucking gay, dude.
Ha ha.
It's like, that's how I get it.
And they're like, holy shit, this might work on a lot of the country.
Yeah.
I don't know, man.
More pussy to look at.
I'm not fucking gay, dad.
I'm not fucking gay.
Get that drop.
Get that clip.
I just want that on loop.
That was good. Oh, I had one more clip. I'll just put that on loop.
That was good.
Oh, I had one more question, I lost it, damn it.
Just one more though, I could do this.
I'd love a refill if you have some ice.
I could do this with you guys for a while.
We actually have to wrap in less than five.
What?
I know, we have a dinner to get to.
Ah, oh I had a good one.
Ask it.
I can't remember it now. Just fart and get it over with.
Oh, I wish I had something brewing. No brew! Hey, how about those brewings? All right.
I had something, really. You said something. LeBron, Tate, Curry, Woods.
Min Chu, Guns, Trump. Min Chu was actually the Vietnamese football place.
No, all right.
All right.
Hey.
Shit in my ass.
What the hell was it?
Something with football.
Throw in?
What?
Throw in?
No, no.
We should have stopped five minutes ago.
I think we should just stay here.
Let's let him think about it, see if we can find the,
so he asked me, because I said Tiger Woods
and he said LeBron and we were talking about
whether or not there is, like who is the greatest one,
I mean Ali would be the greatest,
who would be interesting.
Good on talk shows.
He's so funny.
Jim Brown was also excellent as a talker. Jim Brown said one of the more insightful things I've ever heard an athlete say when he was talking about his disappointment in Michael Jordan for not using the platform to do more than just sell shoes. of Ali was don't ever forget that Muhammad Ali didn't go from the most hated athlete in America
to the most loved athlete in America
until he lost his ability to speak.
Ooh.
Damn.
You think so?
I mean, he was controversial.
Like he said- Michael Jordan said back,
at least I didn't hit my wife.
Oh, did he?
Yeah, Jim Brown, no?
Oh, wow.
No, yes, he may have said,
I don't think Michael Jordan said that. I was doing a Jim Brown. No, but Jim Brown, yes, Jim Brown, no? Oh, Brown. No, yes, he may have said, I don't think Michael Jordan said that,
but Jim Brown, yes, Jim Brown,
I think Jim Brown threw a woman off of a balcony.
Whoa!
If I'm not mistaken.
I'll take Jordan, then.
I'll take the guy.
He had moments of insight, though.
Yeah.
He was a good interview.
There you go, threw her off a balcony.
What is he, Suge Knight?
Good Lord.
You know who else was a good interview?
Ted Bundy, great on camera.
That's true. Defended himself. Very charming. No, Jim Brown is good to interview? Ted Bundy. Great on camera. That's true.
Defending himself.
Very charming.
No, Jim Brown was good on interviews.
He was very, it's interesting.
I saw him on Dick Cavett once.
I was like, damn, he's really insightful
and a great interviewer.
I heard a stat about him that was insane.
He never ran the ball out of bounds in his whole career.
Wow.
That can't be right.
Is that right?
Is that right? That's amazing. What about
Wilt the stilt? That was before my time. I did not have anything for you there. Sexually
transmitted? I mean he fucking. I think he's got the record. He earned it man. He says
20,000 women he slept with. Rick Flair says he slept with 10,000 I'm not really understanding quite why anybody
Possible. Yes, it's enjoyable. It seems like you just like nut in someone then you're just like fuck. All right, let's get going again
Yeah, I got ten minutes. Yeah, it's like a hot dog eating contest
women in water
Draft combine
About was Kobe cool?
Kobe was super interesting is what Kobe was.
The stories about Kobe and competitive even with teammates
are legendary in terms of somebody gets there,
a Rick Fox or a Derek Fisher,
and he will push them until off a balcony.
The Mamba. He will push them until they're ready to fight in order to test
them to see if they're people worthy of being his teammates. So like he'll just
sit in the space that you're supposed to have for sprints or whatever and just
wait. He's just alfying somebody until they they buck up and actually say like Rick Fox did
Okay, are we gonna have to go like we do we have to settle this by fighting like he did a lot of stuff like
Rick Fox throw down Rick Fox was willing to yes tough dude. Yes for a pretty guy seemed like he would fight
Yeah, yes, Rick Fox was beautiful is beautiful is beautiful
Yes, he does have beautiful eyes. I think both of the people were talking about our beautiful
Throat check oh
Yeah, he is beautiful. That's a Chris. Yes. No the other guy that is Doug Chris the hair. Yes
Oh, I think he's married to that hot lady. Holly Berry, I think he was.
Vanessa Williams.
Vanessa Williams.
Whoa, mama.
Look at this.
Full circle.
That's a great place to close.
You were objectifying women when I walked in.
Yes.
And now we conclude it.
Vanessa Williams, would you?
I think I would.
I don't love the race.
No.
Yeah, of course.
Of course.
Love Vanessa Williams.
Joking.
All right. Well, listen to Dan's Williams. I'm joking. All right.
Listen to Dan's show, it's every morning, right?
Yes, it's every morning on YouTube,
Levitard and friends.
You brought the whole crew from ESPN.
Hell yeah. I did, yes.
And more people, right?
Yes, you'd like the story.
I think he would like the story of everything that happened.
I'd love to hear it.
I mean, we just sort of got run out of ESPN
for being counterculture and we started our own thing
and all of our people came with us
and did something not unlike what you guys are doing,
something I would have never done
if they hadn't pushed me into a place where I had to do it.
Hell yeah, you got Kobe'd.
Say again?
It's working though.
It is working and thank you for having me here.
I really am an admirer of what you guys do
and even if you don't think it's brave,
it's only because you're numb to the bravery in it.
Ah, I appreciate that.
You're a good man and you're great at what you do
and watch and listen to Dan's show every day.
When does this come out?
September 22nd.
Okay, so I'll be in Europe, so.
Ooh.
If you're listening, Dublin, Paris, Amsterdam, we added shows in Paris
and Amsterdam.
Hell yeah.
I'm out Copenhagen, Oslo, Stockholm,
and then I've got Cleveland in November at Hilarities.
I'm not going straight there.
I'm not doing that Stockholm Cleveland fight.
Stockholm syndrome.
Yeah, but then it's punchup.live slash Samorail,
punchup.live slash Mark Norman. Mark, where are you gonna be? Ooh, baby, Portland, Oregon. Yeah, but then it's uh, it's yeah punch up dot live samorail punch up dot live mark norman mark
What's where you're gonna be? Oh, baby, portland oregon. We're at the whatever schnitzer hall. That is london ontario, toronto
We ended a show newport, roed island monterey california oakland
winnipeg
Edmonton cleveland as well and uh fayetteville Wichita Kalamazoo Chicago theater. I got a great the big one. I tell you the story what with the Chicago theater
Then oh, yeah, you told me already told Larry David Larry David's gonna be there. It's very exciting my hero
Do you guys get at all worried or do you have the confidence and security when you go into?
Foreign lands with your act like you know that that's gonna kill like you know that you're gonna have crowds and it's gonna sell?
No, we're too brave.
No, no, you gotta roll the dice.
People say, do you change up your act?
I'm like, it's like a movie.
I just play the movie.
I don't have an act for every region.
If we break the fourth wall, we get fucked around.
Yeah.
This is kind of the set.
So, yeah, you hope.
I'd be scared going to some place like Winnipeg
or Amsterdam, I wouldn't know what.
Winnipeg and Amsterdam, Winnipeg's basically here.
They're like, thank you for coming.
I'm getting pegged, but I'm gonna sell that merch.
But Amsterdam, yeah, that's just fun.
They're glad you showed up too.
So yeah, we'll see you in Miami.
Yes sir, thank you for having me on.
And speaking of bravery, drink Bodega Cap.
Yeah, new bottle.
Liquid bravery.
It's good.
Good looking bottle. And I'll be in Fort Lauderdale if you and the wife want tickets. I'll put
you right in that sweet balcony, baby. No pressure.
Alright, would love to see it.
Less canes than Seinfeld show.
Oh, fewer canes.
Fewer canes.
I didn't know, yes, so that,
no, no, I didn't mean to correct you,
I just didn't know where you were going.
So it's not gonna be wheelchairs and canes
that I'm walking over.
You've got a younger demo.
The younger demo, they'll be stumbling out after.
But on the way in, they'll be good to go.
They're gonna laugh so much
that it's gonna cause paralysis
and there'll be wheelchairs at the end with the merch
where you can win a peg, all the stuff in merch
that doesn't sell in Winnipeg,
he's gonna give it away in Fort Lauderdale.
And then after the show, your wife's gonna text me,
can you do these jokes too?
Oh, the show's over.
All right, going back.
All right, you guys rule, thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks for listening, guys.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you. Thanks for listening guys. Thank you guys Up on the roof like a cop's comin' And naked Samuel is feelin' dangerous
I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans
This woman doesn't look like I remember her
And I get down in the same way
We might be drunk