We Might Be Drunk - Ep 2: Soco Tea & Macallan 15

Episode Date: January 12, 2021

Mark and Sam talk over one more drink

and recording now how you doing man hey good a little hungover out here in nashville we did it up last night but i'm good me chris porter theo was hanging out porter's doing the early shows oh nice he brought a bottle of tequila it was a whole thing oh my god yeah well i guess i'm sorry to bring you back into this but oh no i'm back in i'm doing a soco and tea ew oh it's pretty good really yeah i had to go i went down to the bar in the hotel and grabbed it for the for the show i'm doing a i'm doing a mckellen 15 here i'm going nice. That's a nice scotch. That's a nice scotch. We say why we're drinking on this show.

This is an honor. I miss the comedy cellar. I think of it every day. It's in honor of Alan Havey, who always drinks McKellen at the cellar. If you don't know Alan Havey, as the stand-up, you might know him as Lou Avery on Mad Men,

which is one of my favorite shows Of all time He fires Don Draper What a fucking hilarious role Great actor, underrated actor Good comic too He's got some lettermans that are killer Dude I always think of that joke of his

Where he goes I got a good wife Not a perfect wife Perfect wife, spy for the CIA Honey how was your day i can't talk about it perfect great joke i don't know if you can do that joke now i don't know maybe you i mean he's an older guy so he gets away with it i think yeah you're an older dude you can kind of it's like the young guy doing if it was like an 18 year old comic what the fuck is this guy's right right no no he's a killer just like an old school dude like again i don't know if i should say this but

like all the waitresses loved him because he had that like that dilf kind of dad thing going yeah and uh yeah just a cool guy from miami regular dude just you know like drink he also has missouri ties i believe because because i know he's a diehard cardinals fan so okay yeah but yeah so do you have a story behind the soco and tea or just fucking nashville and uh well you know it's the south and we're big we're big tea people in the south and i said what goes with a uh what goes with a tea and they they had like an iced tea flavored liquor and i was like i don't want that flavored shit just give me a tea? And they, they had like an iced tea flavored liquor and I was like, I don't want that flavor chip. Just give me a tea with some SoCo in it. So you don't do the flavor. Pretty good. Yeah. I, I don't mind if it's like infused, I'll do like,

I love like a jalapeno infused tequila or something. I'll do that. But that works. But this honey, like that Jack Daniels honey, I'm like, it's like syrupy sweetie yeah i met one of my favorite basketball players ever in milwaukee years ago latrell spreewell oh yeah you might know me choked his coach in golden state and he got thrown off the team it was like an incredible story but i was you know i'm there in a nick sweatshirt and the host of the show is like lat Latrell Sprewell drinks. He drinks across the street every night.

And I was like, no, he doesn't. She goes, every night. He's like Kenny Powers in Milwaukee now. Wow. So we go to the bar. He shows up. And I was like, what does he drink? And she goes, he drinks Honey Jack. Oh, no.

So he walks in. It was like the most painful interaction I ever had where I just said, he finally comes in'm like oh latrell i'm the biggest fan i'm wearing a fucking nick sweatshirt yeah walkie like clearly i'm a fan and he goes he goes okay and i said can i get you a drink he holds up his honey jack he goes i already got one and i said uh i'm a comedian i'm playing across the street uh later tonight Or tomorrow night and he goes Yeah okay and I was like well if you want an extra ticket He goes yeah don't count on it that was my interaction Wow

Brutal and then two nights Later whatever I saw other people go up to him And it went way worse I got off easy Yeah two nights later the last night There the bartender from that bar that he goes to every Night was like I heard you had a rough interaction With Sprewell he's a good guy. He's a surly drunk sometimes. So she's texting him and she goes,

I'm at the guy's show, the comedian who you met the other night. And he, and he goes, he just writes back. Yeah. Great guy. Hey, all right. That was, but like, all he did was fucking insult me. Like it was, but you, you left him him alone and i think that's what counts yeah yeah he took note of that years later he came on my msg show and i did not bring it up yeah what do you think is he just a sad guy like did his daughter die like what do you think got him so well i mean all right here one thing. He's underappreciated.

He was a great player, but he turned down a three-year $21 million deal at the end of his career, and he never got another deal again. And it was like a famous viral clip where he said, I got kids to feed. So every news station picked it up. He goes, the thing was like,

what are you feeding them, Hummers? Like, what are you feeding them? Hummers? Like, what do you, what are you feeding them? So I think he caught a lot of shit for that, but I mean, I loved him. I thought he was the man. He was just like, he fucking choked his coach and then came to the Knicks and like was awesome for us. I mean, when does that ever happen? When does that ever work out? Right. Right. A fun story on that same wavelength. And I'm not going to say who it is. because I don't know if they want this out there.

But I was opening for a huge comic and we were at a restaurant before the show. And John Turturro was eating alone at this restaurant. It was like a steakhouse. He's eating alone at like 5 p.m. And the headliner was like, I'm going to go tell John Turturro about our show. And I was like, all right, good luck. liner was like i'm gonna go tell john taturo about our show and i was like all right good luck he walked over he goes i'm a huge fan mr taturo love all your work and he goes uh-huh he goes just saying i'm doing the arena tonight if you want to come by it's on me and he goes no thank you and that was it wow he wasn't mean he was just like no thank you but it was super that that walk back was so defeating. It was like when you hit a gutter ball in bowling

and you have to turn around and go back to your friends, you know? That's what it looked like. You'd almost rather they're just an asshole outright because no thank you was just such a polite rejection. You'd almost rather they're a dick. That's such a reasonable rejection. I know. I know.

It was ugly. And yeah, he was polite, so you couldn't hate him. You're right you're right you just had to go all right i guess he didn't want to come i remember seeing he did a movie called i think it was called like american gigolo or something i saw it with list and it was one of those movies where like every 10 minutes we had to turn to each other and be like is this the worst movie you've ever seen it was like it was like woody allen was his like uh friend in the movie and it was like you could tell woody allen did it as a favor like you've done a lot of my shit you know right holy i mean i love john turturro but like then you see some of these guys like when they're like all right i'm writing my own thing and you're like didn't work out

that's right but yeah he's a he's a fucking legend i mean i love his i love his acting he's i mean great actor dude uh fuck what's that movie he did uh the redford movie you know i'm talking quiz show quiz show amazing one of my favorite movies ever incredible so good in that he's great and obviously big lebowski i think uh uncut gems is kind of like channeling some totoro whoa, good call. The hair, the face, everything. You know why, though? What you're really saying is a trashy Jew is basically an Italian.

That's what you're saying. I'm not going to argue with that. Uncut Gems was fucking cool. I loved it. I mean, a lot of people hate it. I thought it was, they're like, it's too tense. I'm like, yeah, that's the point. That's movie making. That's what they were trying to go for it's a panic

attack it really is it's it drove me insane i i was like going crazy but i mean that's what being a degenerate gambler supposed to feel like i think that's what they're going for right yeah and they they nailed it and the ending was a twist and you you he was like a weird guy but you rooted for him he was like ugly and it's kind of a shark but you loved him yeah because you're just in it so deep you're just like fuck it's like it's like being around a degenerate gambler where you're furious at them but then you're like i want you to win right right yeah we saw django in the theater oh we did yeah that was in union square that that feels like such a i guess with covid seeing a movie in the theater feels so old-fashioned now yeah dude you know i just re-watched kill bill the

other night um it's so good it's oh it's great it's just such a good movie where you're like it's funny with tarantino you're just like oh i'm in someone someone greatates hands every yes away yes that's every shot every every music choice every shot every line you're like fuck he i i hate when people critique tarantino for like uh the new one he did with brad pitt and leonardo dicaprio with like it's too long and i'm like what what else were you gonna do with that time yeah right and it's so great i didn't want it to end i loved it i loved it i love brad pitt's character i love uh dicaprio was so funny when he's drinking too much and he's like in the trailer throwing the shit against the wall going you gotta get it together we've all been there so many times oh i love the flamethrower all that shit the dog and the smashing like

woman's face on the uh on the mantle i mean come on it's gold that was crazy yeah it's tarantino's so good where he's like this is like just straight up violence against women and he's getting you in the theater cheering for it because they're such fucking hateable characters right right i mean they're murderers so you're kind of like yeah this is okay to cheer for totally uh what are you watching like we do a recommendation on this is episode by the way before we get into the recommendation can i try something tell me if this works i want i want to see if because we have a theme song from the great colin smith i'd love to i'd love to see

if this works on the pod bring it on baby One more drink, you know in the morning for sure we gon' stink. One more round, one more round. It's 5 a.m., you pricks, the barkeep round. Just let me do, catch up for a few. We'll riff and talk some shit and then we'll sleep till two. Yes. That's a hot theme for this. Great theme. We got to play that in the beginning for every show, I think.

Yeah. Maybe we get some animation or some pictures of us or something fun. Yeah. We get someone to do. Yeah. We could. If you're watching this and you think yes and hit us up because we're not good at that but uh no yeah what like what uh what do you any good watches or reads or anything you've been doing that's good lately yeah i'm gonna throw you for a loop here and change it up i'm i'm gonna recommend a podcast okay i don't know if you're into it, but I liked all his books.

And I got into the revisionist history, Malcolm Gladwell. Oh, shit. Great pod. Really, he takes these weird stories and weird facts and just delves deep into them. And they're fucking fascinating. I'm going to listen to it. You're not the first. You're not the first to turn me on.

And you know what? Honestly, I've never read any of his books. Embarrassing. Yeah, I never I never jumped in. But I know he's so well respected. I got to I got to get in on it. I mean, he's a he's just a big nerd. He just goes deep into like, you know, like a 3030 except it'll 30 for 30. But it'll be about like a Korean pilot that that, you know was a horrible pilot but he killed a bunch of people it's just he finds these crazy things and he did one on elvis i think it's the best one elvis had some kind of hair trigger in his brain when he heard a certain song he would either break out crying hysterically laugh and they have all this footage of him just like in

the in the studio and they're on their 118th take of this one song and he can't say it without going into some episode wow so just he could not react to music could not react but it was a different reaction every time wow it's fucking it's wild and they cover the whole thing and psychologically why he did that than other people who have their thing and it's really what other type of things do people have well a lot of it is like uh seizuring like some people seizure when they hear a certain thing or see a certain thing but his was purely emotional that's so much better than a seizure you're just like oh it's so fucking unfair some people have a fucking seizure and elvis is just like i really feel it yeah but i mean he's on

stage in vegas they have audio footage of this where he's just like singing some song like and i'll tell you and you're like whoa he's in front of like you know 10 000 people just weeping it's wild and it wasn't drug related it was just he just something clicked you know it's like you know if a kid's molested then he sees a movie where a guy gets molested He starts you know jizzing or whatever it is It was like that It was just some twist Some malfunction

Man Elvis really gets in some ways no respect Like you ever at a burger spot And they're like we have the Elvis burger And it's like peanut butter and Bananas You're like it's just because he was fat that's what it was well he did die on the can which is not a great legacy true but a lot of people die in the can right i feel like a lot of people do they shit i'm trying to i was just

reading about someone who died in the can i'm assuming ralphie may all right all right folks don't write in i was just watching uh season uh three of the sopranos where one of the captains dies that's when tony has to make ralph fictional character but it was a toilet death oh that's right that's right good call man he was so hateable oh but he's so so good though joe yeah i know rules amazing i mean run on hershberg our pal can do like a he's got the most sopranos knowledge and he always points out that it's the most character developed show of all time to so much so you know their movie favorites like you know their movie choices oh dude i love what tony watching like

uh what's it called the edward g robinson movie Yes. Top of the world, White Heat. White Heat. I love that because it's like, oh, Tony's got mom issues. And it's all fucking connected. Connected. It's amazing. You know their preferences. You know what food they like. That show is, List hates it, but it's next level.

Oh, I love Joe, but he's so wrong on that one. But, I mean, he's never been more wrong. I mean, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I remember once seeing, speaking of like White Heat and Edward G. Robinson, wrong on that one but uh i mean he's never been more wrong i mean yeah uh yeah i mean i remember once seeing speaking of like white heat and edward g robinson i miss movie theater so much i remember going down to the film forum in uh tribeca and it's dude it's like white heat and little caesar back to back wow i saw both those edward g robinson movies in the theater this is like a couple years ago i fucking wow yeah't. Yeah, so great. Is it just you and two other weirdos in there?

Yeah. Just you and Fred Willard? And Paul Rubens? R.I.P. Fuck. This has been a bad year. We lost Fred Willard and Jerry Stiller in the same week. I forgot about that. Jesus, that's so brutal.

Fuck this year. I'm'm gonna hit you with an interesting wreck yeah hit me with you might have already seen it but i just watched it the uh the bgs doc oh i loved it it was so good loved it phil hanley hit me up and i watched it like that instant same i love she like i watched the eagles like i'm not even a huge eagles guy but i just like the idea of somebody starting from nothing And then becoming this giant arena Cultural phenomenon Yeah and they're kind of getting like no respect

The Bee Gees I mean I know they were rich as hell And they defined a moment But they kind of I don't know I feel like it's always like The Beatles, the Stones, the Ducks The fucking Clapton Blah blah blah No one ever mentions

the bgs to me is one of the greatest fans ever i agree and they reinvented well first of all uh what's his name what's the the long-haired one not barry is the hot one yeah barry was hot and then the youngest one was really handsome and then the two in the middle i'm like what hideous did your mom cheat with a fucking, like, the alien from American Dad? What the fuck happened? Yeah, that guy is so ugly. Plus, they're British, so the teeth are fucked up. It's a bad combo, plus the long hair.

The whole thing is horrible. But they started as this, like, ballad, kind of moody, emotional guy. And then they just got into disco and killed it i mean they like they were huge and then dipped and then just came back as the biggest thing yeah it's crazy it's also hilarious that the uh you know they're talking about how they're like disco it's like for black people and for gays was this huge movement and then it's like where is the major riot against disco boston ah yeah of course of course at a red sox game they're like fuck disco it's like this that's not even the same it's just baseball you're making the same

thing i know and they made a giant flag that said disco sucks like you had to set worry about your team you're worried about the fuck that's crazy but that's the anger when you don't win for a while you just start to get mad at other shit. Like the Red Sox at that point probably had once like 19, like, oh, something. I don't know. Whatever. 1919, whatever it was. Yeah.

Probably just like, fuck everything. That was when they, that was just like drunken anger, you know? Right. When your team's not winning, you just start to hate like minorities and other groups. Yes. Yeah. I always say whenever people start turning on the jews you're like oh you're slipping into some sort of insanity you know like

well the jews did the they they killed uh you know columbus you're like whoa dude you're out you're out to lunch at this point i'll give you jesus but i will not give you columbus that's the tough thing about being a Knicks fan. It's Manhattan. You can't turn on the Jews. You just have to be fucking, you just have to hate yourself, which ironically kind of Jewy. So self-loathing.

Self-loathing. But what is that with Boston? It always goes this way. Like Cosby, America's dad, pull your pants up, sweaters, jello pop, rapist. You know, you can't, everybody has to even out. And then Boston is like blue state or blue city, whatever. And then they have all these colleges.

Gay marriage was legalized in Massachusetts before everywhere else. And yet homophobic racist. Everything evens out. You're totally right. It's like, it's like John Kerry, Whitey Bulger. Yes, exactly. It's like, it's like it's like john kerry whitey bulger right yes exactly it's like it's like harvard southie they they have right even out right it's complete extremes exactly it's interesting boston um some like the greatest intellectuals and then some of the

most ugly racism ever yeah crazy they they had a like gay pride parade and they said like the just the guys on the side like fuck you y'all kill you you homo and all this shit it's wild like didn't they try to do a straight pride parade in boston yeah i think that's what it was yeah i i went to that it was actually fun it was it looked good i mean the straight parade is the super bowl, monster truck. We got straight parades. I guess, well, yeah, Super Bowl, Boston. You fucking got that. That's your parade.

You had six of them. You have fucking Brady for 20 years. Shut up. And the Sox. The Sox had a good run. And the Celtics, the most winning basketball franchise ever. They've got it all. Bruins.

Bruins, yeah. Every Boston, being a boston sports fan you've been spoiled rotten right right that's true yeah you're right harvard southie that's a great call and they got um i mean dude cheers just shut down the uh the bar they had a real bar cheers it's over yeah ah pandemic everything's fucking that and down man i see a lot of comedy clubs suffering right now but you know oh yeah yeah we lost the big hunt in dc and we lost dc draft house two in dc both great great i i had so many great nights in the big hunt man i mean oh yeah that was a special place it was like so dank and underground and gritty I like

a comedy club that smells like piss yes there's something about it where you're like I don't love it in the moment but then you think back and it like triggers a memory and you're like that's fucking nice yeah yeah Seinfeld say the sweaty gym that you know I feel you go to like an old boxing gym and it smells like vo and spit and shit like that it's it's it was definitely one of those rooms yeah it was a workout room like we worked out fucking hours in that room both oh yeah oh yeah i can't believe they shut down the i didn't know the dc draft house closed too i know i like that room it was just like a box in the middle of the city and with you know blankets on the windows and that was a i had

some hot sets in there incredible club like yeah that was like a kill room for sure yeah um i saw that the peoria jukebox is struggling too they're doing a gofundme hey jesus peoria uh homer richard pryor and kinnison and kinnison didn't know that how crazy like two of the biggest are from the same town no shit and you know it's not like it's new york city or chicago or something it's fucking peoria peoria yeah it's tough it's a rough i mean they they're it took a lot for them to put up a richard prior statue like you think you think they'd be like richard prior from here but instead they're like yeah fuck that guy you know yeah that was that was what was so funny about the bill burr rant because he's going off

on philly's like you fucking racist you have a statue of rocky and you joe frazier is from here i mean that's such i love that that came out during the rant because that means he was thinking about that at some point and he was like fuck fuck it. I'm saying it. Yeah. Oh, that's fucking brilliant. Yeah. You have one of the greatest actual boxers and you're celebrating. I mean, look, I'm not going to act like I don't love Rocky. Sure. But let's celebrate real people too. I'm with you. Yeah. I mean, Milwaukee's got a Fonzie statue. Really? Yeah. Yeah. You ever see the Lucille ball statue in upstatestate yes it was so bad they had to redo it

oh it was like it looked like a fucking monster it looked like she was like she looked like an alien or like oh what the fuck wow that's great she was a fucking comic genius unbelievable and you know she married a hispanic guy which was like crazy for that time the whole thing's lucille ball i heard her autobiography is amazing i should read it it's called last luck and lucy it's by i forgot his first name something oppenheimer it's an incredible book it's oh really yeah the the way he uh the way he describes being like you need almost like a star whisperer she was so famous that right he was kind of like she would drive him nuts she was such a diva and i remember he described at one point where he was

like i was like fuck this shit i'm done it's crazy that you can have what you think is like the hottest ticket in town which it was it's like one of the most successful shows ever sure he was like fuck this i'm out and she was like please don't leave if you leave and she started crying and you're like oh like that's how good he was she knew that she couldn't lose him so wow yeah it was he seemed like a good guy too but then yeah the shit she did to to fight for i mean desolute production she made sure he was involved in it as well and yeah big deal to have a cuban on tv i think it was cuban right i mean cuban ricardo yeah man i mean that was that show is so funny it's also hilarious

that vivian vance was like this really attractive younger woman and that was like tip 50s tv she's like you'll be married to this fat 70 year old man oh is that ethel is that the the neighbors yeah she's like a legit like she can sing she can do everything she's very pretty and then they're like i think she was pissed to be like paired with like an old fat dude uh lucille ball i mean you catch her in the right photos beautiful lady she's hot dude she was hot hot lady absolutely i'm a fan but i used to watch that show used to come on on saturday mornings you know back when like tv was tv and i would just leave it on i watched all that shit lucy odd couple uh mr ed it was horrible tv but i i just watched it because it was on i never saw mr oh horrible show horrible i mean look the horse's lips are moving

and that that was the whole premise oh that's it odd couple i like a little bit i mean i remember like i remember just reading the play i just wanted to know what it was i remember just reading the play and being like this is fucking good it holds yeah like it's just good writing but uh neil simon yeah fucking beast it's crazy that that show is just like every show it's just like i know it's crazy you're like one guy does this and the other one goes in you're like oh this is every show every show but somebody had to think of it yeah i guess it's like god and the devil i mean that was probably the original odd couple you know i mean you got to start somewhere that's actually a funny show god and the devil that would be funny like a family guys type show with god the devil

and like a studio the devil is just really messy and the guy's like he's doing that drawing the line he's like you keep your shit over here right hitler's on that side of the room yeah and devil's having orgies and shit with you know all these you know gay guys and women and god's like oh i'm trying to read oh that's not bad that's actually decent we might just come up with a good animated idea or something. Yeah, God and the Devil. Not bad. You read any good newspaper articles?

Any good... Oh, yeah. Well, I had to just do one. This is a little older now, but I had to do one zinger I thought of for... Ellen got COVID, as we all saw. Yeah. And she's having a tough year, by the way. Yeah.

And my zinger was, wow, she got COVID. She's just getting over her staph infection. All right. I like it. That's a great monologue joke. It feels like a monologue joke. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

It's perfect. I mean, dude, it's so funny that she's involved in like the QAnon stuff, too. Like, well, yeah, I mean, it's like they're like she's one of the people like part of the pedophile conspiracy ring is like her name was one of the first to come. So you're right. She can't catch a break. Right. I've heard she's not a great person, but also still hilarious to me. I mean, I'm in the minority here, but i get it you know like she's busy she's got eight zillion things going on so i think uh you know she's gonna be a cunt and if you don't want to work there i don't think you should work there i don't know it's a tough one i've heard some stories that are bad oh really okay okay i've heard she's not she would just not have your back

if you work there oh all right all right well i didn't know that i've heard she would just not have your back if you weren't there. Oh, all right, all right. Well, I didn't know that. I've heard some writers strike shit as well, that she was not good to them. So that's my thing, man. Like, if you have your own show, you better be good to writers. Right. They're making you look good. Right, yeah, that's true.

Without them, you're just doing your dumb little fucking dance all the time, you know? Yes. By the way, another balancing out. We talk about cosby she's dancing happy-go-lucky cute lesbian and then you know isis behind the scenes is that funny though too it's like you are kind of what the world is in the moment like in the 90s she was so brave because it's right look you're the first this is like a lesbian who has a sitcom like like you're groundbreaking you're brave then like time goes on and they're like she's a fucking bitch you can't be on top for long enough without people eventually turning on you

anyway you really can't yeah that's why just a nice gooey d level is the way to go d level celeb that's what you want to be we're fucking fucking, we're killing that game right now. Yeah, we're about F. We're getting there. We're a fucking nice F right now, but we're like, we're F on the rise. Yes. We're a hot F incline, I think. Right, right.

What did you think of the Tom Cruise rant? You know, I barely looked at it, but I mean, what? He was pissed about people not wearing masks is that what it was yeah yeah i'm all right with it i mean like yeah he's putting i mean like here's what i'll say about tom cruise he's not a pussy like he's almost got a death wish it's weird to be that like rich and famous and you're like i'm jumping off the building like yeah we have a guy whose whole job that is and he's like fuck that guy you know so if he's taking covid seriously it's not just about him i think i think with him he's well so i'm i'm with it i i'm down with tom cruise doing

that shit i think it's all right yeah yeah it's not like it's not christian bale or he's just losing his mind because he's losing his mind i think tom cruise like you could say a lot of shit about him but like he's fucking he's got a death wish and he's looking out for people with covid just follow the protocol if you're on a job you know totally also that sounds like a mi movie covid protocol but also a really boring mi movie first of all i think that rant was so well done like not a flub it was almost like he nailed it in one take and it sounded so tom cruisey you do it again you're gone and uh it was it's gonna be better than the movie that rant was better than the movie let's be honest it's so true and he also you're right he nails his shit i mean he you know he like i'm thinking

now of like leonardo dicaprio in that tarantino movie he's looking in the mirror and he's like you're gonna fucking get them you're gonna fucking do this and he's just camping himself up and then he goes on set and loses his shit like you're right he really he really is good i mean he's a good he's good he's a talent i mean it also gives you a whole real aspect or real look into short men, short men. There's no one more motivated. I mean, look at Kevin Hart, Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise is like five, six or something. Napoleon Napoleon complex. Apparently it was like five, eight, which was not that short for the time,

but whatever. We're on a roll. Complex protocol, Napoleon. Tom Cruise. Yeah yeah man uh it's weird tom cruise had like he fell out for a while but it's like i never stopped liking this shit i mean no i he's great i liked i think i've liked him my whole life it's fucking weird to just look at a celebrity and be like i think i just like that guy he's just like you know uh what it was like his comeback because like scientology made him look weird for a while he had the whole thing but then like the Oprah couch that was weird yeah but no what I mean it's like risky business and uh born on the 4th of July rain man like

killing in the 80s Top Gun yeah and then yeah what brought him back was really good oh maybe Jerry Maguire popped him back up. No, it was before all that. Oh, okay. Jerry Maguire is like an example of a role that it's like, only he could have pulled that shit off. That's a bad movie without him. Yes, it really is. Same with Cuba Goody.

Like you get two different actors in those roles. That's a cheesy fucking movie. Yeah, it's Cameron Crowe. It's a love story with the little kid and the what's her name renee zellweger like she's great who's coming with me who's coming with me and you complete me in the same yes and show me the money imagine writing you complete me and in a little word doc you're like you complete me and he's like that fucking nailed it that's so true yeah oh god by

the way that kid was adorable whatever happened to him he should have been a household name by now i think he's like jack now i think that happens i think you either like die of like a cocaine overdose or you're just a gym rat i think right right i think he got ugly and i think it hurt him because he was so cute with the glasses and the hair and i he didn't grow up cute child stars really get fucked because when you're a child star a lot of time you're cute because you're like chubby and have like a round face and exactly a dork and then like you hit puberty like you always see it even on like two and a half men where that kid yes adorable and then you're like uh we gotta skip

the puberty years and then you make it through you're like all right he's okay again but yeah there's a couple years where like geez and look we all went through it we weren't on camera you know right right i mean puberty is is basically like mutation so you're what you're witnessing a guy like mutate into a man in front of our eyes and it the the transitional period is gross the end of the beginning is fine but that middle it's fucking terrifying someone's gonna someone's gonna just click that one part where you say the transitional period is gross and that's their mutants but no it's true yeah you gotta you gotta stay hot uh hayley joel osmond kind of went went ugly very round head yes that was the very round head still great actor yeah yeah dude he had forrest gump and and then six cents you're like holy shit what a run

what an agent you had a good child agent i always want to do a bit about like you know they talk about like crisis actors you know yeah like those like conspiracy theorists will be like those school shootings didn't happen those were crisis actors it's the dumbest conspiracy theory of course where you're like, they were actors, but I always want to do a bit. It never would work. About how like, that means maybe they're like crisis actor agents where you're like, nah, this kid, he's good.

He's really, he did a Sandy Hook. He did, I'm going to try to get him at like the next gay nightclub shooting. He's got the goods. You got to look at his reel, you know? Shocker, that bit never hit oh that's funny yeah i don't know i wonder how much is that such a well-known conspiracy i wonder if that's the problem maybe not maybe it's sometimes i'm like is this shit just on twitter or like or like some

of the dumbest websites that we read yeah probably like i don't know anything about q anon but apparently people are obsessed with that shit so i'll tell you my favorite thing about QAnon is that if you watch the news, the they show them so little respect. Like I was just watching, like anytime you see them interviewed on the news, the the interviewer will be like, all right, well, just so you know, you are on air right now. on air right now. That's how they're just like basically telling them they're dumb. Yeah, like in a professional way. They're like, All right. And remember, your face will be on TV. Go ahead. Yes. It's so disrespectful and so hilarious. Yeah, I'll tell you. Let me tell you my newspaper. Yes, I didn't. I didn't post this one because I figured it wasn't worth it. But I could say I feel like on Twitter a lot of the time for me, it's not I don't find it worth it because people just assume the worst. i i feel like on twitter a lot of the time for me it's not i don't find it worth it because people just assume the worst and i feel like on twitter sometimes it's like

a comedy club where like you got some people that are following you for jokes but then it gets shared to other people who don't want jokes and take everything you say seriously completely and then i'm like yeah i don't i don't that. I want the jokes to be to the people that, you know. Yeah, yeah, it's a nightmare. My story was, this was it. Jocelyn Cano, the Instagram and OnlyFans model, confirmed dead from botched butt lift surgery. Ooh. And I was going to write, ah, what an ass.

Classic. Not worth it. I like it. It's tough when the person just dies and our mind goes to joke because i'm like i'm mad at myself for like i'm like this is someone's life they're dead in my mind i'm like same but hey you know what i never got you know when everybody gets offended and all that and people are allowed to be offended people are allowed to be upset that's totally they're right but when they go hey you're making light of this horrible thing you're like you realize how that sound yes i'm making light of something isn't that what we're supposed to do

like yeah you're you're you're basically complimenting me hey you're making light of this horrible school shooting i'm like yes i'm trying to get through it i mean that's that's all we do and when you know we still take it seriously as humans but as comedians that's our job i mean it's totally true stanhope had a great bit about that where he just said you're making fun he goes yeah right making fun is such a funny that's such a great word to just yeah great point you made that bad yeah i i feel the same way like i'm not that doesn't mean i don't i'm not like oh that's fucking horrible but there is a part of my brain that is like, we are wired to just go to how do we make this a joke?

Yeah. How do we comfort ourselves? How do we get through it? I mean, it's, it's almost like a reaction or our defense, your body hears this horrible, sad news and we have to put it through the ringer and make it happy again or get some joy out of it. It's, it's, it's not meant for harm at all. Yeah. We're not, I don't, that's the only thing I always think like with dark jokes, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. I've always, I've always, that's a defense where you're like,

it just means we go to a different place to laugh. I tell a lot of people like that who get upset with jokes who I say, I bet you'd be surprised at how much like even politically and socially we agree with but with jokes we're gonna disagree on some yeah and that's completely cool but uh it's okay like some people are attracted to men and some people are attracted to women some people laugh at dark shit some people don't i mean it's just a personality type it's it's the way your brain works and it's almost like when your grandma dies and somebody goes well she's in a better place that's not true you're making light of it you know that's what you do you're

comfort that's comforting you that's not comforting me exactly we all i mean when you say she's in a better place i'm like okay but you know i if you know me you know i don't believe that right and that's okay i'm i'm let me be sad that she's gone but then also if someone makes a fucking funny joke about my dead grandma that actually might chew me up that's the. Let me be sad that she's gone. But then also if someone makes a fucking funny joke about my dead grandma, that actually might chew me up. That's the funny thing is that- Exactly.

If you know me, a fucked up joke will make me laugh harder. Yes, yes. And you know, like when you're a kid and they go, how much does Michael Jackson's underwear cost? Half off or whatever the hell that joke was. You're making fun of kids getting raped by a pop star but it doesn't mean you're pro kid rape right it's just you know how you deal with it in a weird way yeah that'd be way that'd be weird if you're like and also i believe this that is that'd be

good after a pedophilia joke but also that is i do believe that that'd be the new um that's the new that's the new risky comedy where you're like no i am like oh i'm sorry do believe that that'd be the new risky comedy. Where you're like, no, I am. They're like, oh, I'm sorry. I believe that. That's my belief. Right, right. Oh, sorry. The butt model. How about model dies

from implants in her rear end. We checked, but there's no ifs, ands, or buts. Ah, that's horrible. Forget I said it. Scrapping from the record. It is crazy that a human being's dead, and we're like, this is our job. Yeah, it's true.

Yeah, I mean, I think about that sometimes with jokes, and I'm just like, when you can see someone's face, and you can see they're kidding and you're just like trying to have fun with it but like sometimes in text people are just going to assume the worst I'm like I fuck Twitter right right and I used to have a bit about this where sometimes somebody says a horrible thing to you privately and you're like oh wow I really like this guy really trusts me because if he said that out loud or if he knew I would tell people he said that i he would get in trouble so he really feels close to me that he can say this horrible thing it's a great premise yeah it's funny it's like also you're like this guy really trusts me you're

like well maybe he's just a horrible person well that too but usually you can tell if they're actually meaning it or if they're just like hey dude how about this fucking crazy totally no i mean that's why it's a great premise i mean that's i remember hearing you do that once and being like oh that's fuck i wish i wrote that such a good angle because it's like it's so true it's so true we're right you really are flattered it's fucked up for them to say something terrible and you're like oh wow thank you yeah. I didn't know we were that close. This is nice. It's a moment. It's a moment. Are you working on any bits right now?

Yeah, yeah. I got one that it's hitting, but I don't like the way it's hitting. So I want to retool it. But basically, I talk about how I go on Twitter and it's just a sad off and a complaint fest. Everybody's upset and mad about something and i realized that's why we like animals if animals can complain you would never have one in your home because they're they're just it would be a nightmare like the reason you have a cat or a dog is because they're just sitting there i mean you can fart in a cat's face and it just takes it you know or he eats the same thing every day he's shitting in a box and if he could complain it'd be a nightmare but he can't like if animals had twitter it would be horrific we wouldn't want them that's a great point yeah animals uh we like them because

they don't they don't feel anything but good to us yes i think pets do get depressed but like sure we don't really notice i mean oh like a dog just greets you at the door tag with right egg wailing you know waving back and forth and you're like oh shit a fucking tail wagon i'm tail wagon god yeah idiot uh i've had a few but uh no but a dog greets you the door like that like i've never had a partner like that right exactly exactly i've never had a woman be like oh my god you're home every time yes yes you may get it occasionally right but you're not gonna have a dog greets you he's always happy and here's the problem the dog does that because you have all the power you feed it yeah maybe that's how we need it that's interesting maybe that's why it's such a good relationship because you have all the power yeah i'm giving you the food i change your litter i give you the shots i neuter you i give you a

house and a home and a you know a bed it's true and even a horse a horse stands up all day we give it a carrot and a sugar cube once a year, and then you ride it, you kick him in the ribs and we call it a nag. It's the opposite of a nag. It doesn't say anything. It takes it. That's good. Yeah. I like the idea that like animals don't, we don't give a shit about their feelings at all. Not really. No. And, and if you look, if a dog starts whimpering, you're like, Oh shit, we got to help it.

But that's the most you'll get as a whimper. And what about planet earth? We're watching hyenas attack a antelope. And if the antelope could be like, you're just going to watch this. What are you fucking nuts? Come on, help me here. It would be way less fun. But you can't hear him. That fucking, that was our ted bundy and you're just fucking watching like yes exactly exactly yeah it's interesting it's also like we don't have to care about their feelings like you're never like digging your head into a

hamster cage like what's wrong buddy what's going on right you don't have to really care and it's so that's so nice it's nice it's a luxury that we have yeah it's fucking i remember i had a cat that had anxiety and like i had to get like it bulbs yeah for real like i had three roommates and i had a cat and he would just every time i'd go on the road he would just uh he would just start peeing on everyone's stuff and all my roommates hated me and i'd be like whoa i'd be like what do i do so i went to the pet store and like you need to get him an anxiety bulb and it was like 50 bucks i'm like cool now i have anxiety you know it's fucking you're putting a dent in my bank account and then uh and then i get the bulb it doesn't work like i cats will get pissed to you they do get yeah cats are like

they're like a woman you're like they walk away you're like, they walk away and you're like, what did I do, dude? Yes, yes. And that's why a lot of people hate cats because they complain more than dogs. They hiss at you. They, you know, they piss on shit. You know, it's, I can't believe your dog was dying or your cat was diagnosed with anxiety. That's so funny. Like, how did we, how did they know that? It was weirdly, I don't know, but it was such an, I mean, I probably just got hosed by this

fucking pet store, but I mean, no, it was the fucked up thing. It was like, it was such a cool cat. The cat just, it was my friend, Dan's cat. He bartends the cellar now, you know, Dan. Oh yeah. I know Dan. But he, uh, that cat ruled. He would actually greet me at the door. He was such a friendly cat, but he was too attached. Yeah yeah so he would get pissed when i'd leave and oh wow it was a lot that's kind of nice so my my gal just got a cat so we have a cat at the house are you serious i was how did you not tell me this that's a big that's a big development

that's a big step but that was a lot of pushback but we got a cat and it's a Maine Coon and it's huge and it plays fetch. Wow. They call it the dog of cats. It's pretty wild. And I I'm, you know, I'm trying to be like tough guy and, and, you know, Hey, I don't love this thing. And then she'll catch me like rubbing its nose with my nose, you know, I'm like, ah, shit, you gotta, this ruins my whole image. Oh dude. Cats are fucking fun. If you get a good cat, man. I do like being woken up by a cat is so much better than an alarm like yes or just a head going like this in your head like gently right that's fucking nice you know yeah it's pretty gentle until i got like a drawstring hanging off my pajamas and it's like you know that's that's

tough i'll tell you another thing about cats they just start fucking vomiting everywhere you're just like i didn't know i fucking moved in with a fucking with a sig ep this is fucking brutal just a drunk cat everywhere no they're just always vomiting the piss is a real problem their piss smells smells so fucking bad. Yeah, it's really bad. The shit ain't a picnic either, but the good times are fun. You know, when it rolls on its stomach and you get the gut going, you rub it. Oh, you can't beat that.

No, they're fun. I do like a cat. Yeah. It's a little more low-key than a dog. Dogs are a little jumping up on the furniture and slobbering and you know knocking the lamp over cat just kind of hanging out i do like them the sharp nails too is another thing where you're just like you just have this like tiny little cat on you and you're like oh it's a little thing and then they dig their nails

and yes fucking switchblade what the fuck is going on i know it's wild it's wild and then what do you think about the declawing i don't know they say it's inhumane right i don't know i guess you just are supposed to clip them yeah i don't know i don't know enough you're gonna get them declawed no i can't do it yeah they say it's inhumane yeah i mean their claws are really i watch him like bat stuff around and without the claws he would have no grip he would just slip off of couches and stuff yeah it's it's kind of weird it's weird that like even neutering i mean i get why you got to do it but like god it's fucking brutal that we just do that to animals you know i know it's crazy but again they can't complain imagine if you got a cat neutered he was like what the fuck you cut my balls off it'd be a nightmare you'd have to be you have to put it down if they held a grudge to just swipe into your fucking sack in the middle of the

night not so fucking fun is it right right yeah yeah i mean i can't complain it's why we like it and it's uh i think we got something there uh what do you got all right did i tell you the sesame street idea i had no uh maybe a big bird with the uh teaching kids not to be racist oh i might have told you that all right let me see what that's funny something okay i got um oh uh there's an angle i had like you ever just pop an adderall and you just like uh really listen to your girlfriend you know what i mean like i mean like really listen it's kind of like viagra but for a relationship where uh you know like i even talk about it like it's sex i'm like damn that was that was 45 minutes that was good oh that's good well like and i'll say like listening is a lot like sex you know you don't try to do too much

you let them go and then uh every once in a while you throw in a, yeah. Right. You got to let them know you're still there. Yeah. Yeah. That's funny. That Viagra Adderall is the Viagra of conversation. I think that's good. It keeps you, it keeps you up. Yeah. That was like, yeah. If something about, uh, I'm listening so hard, baby. Yeah. I'm listening is like, it's funny. It's also too, like women think that they want, like we want, they think they want the hardest dick,

but they just really want the best listening. That's a, that's dead on. That's great. It's like female Viagra. Yeah. Listening is what they were. It's weird where you're like, oh fuck. I bet they want, I bet they want a dick pic and they're like oh fuck i bet they want i bet they want a dick pic and like no they just want an via text that's all they want right that's great david tell had that great line he's like i think women like vibrators because they sound like they're listening oh the king yeah the king king but that's different that's different no he's the best fucking comic um that's interesting

it's it's true uh they want and they don't want you to fix the problem either they always say that just listen let me vent stop trying to fix it well that's our nature right that's like yeah women women want guys to listen it's almost like when women are like i'm cold and you give them a jacket they're like no i just wanted to tell you i'm cold and you're like right cool i'm fucking i'm so what an asshole i am for i know i know the problem um exactly and i kind of want you to stop complaining about it so i got you the jacket it's like a win-win we're drowning okay let's try to swim to the top no i just wanted you to listen to how we're drowning that's the bit that's funny like when they actually need help and you're like i'm just listening and they're like well i'm dead now

i think there's a guy in the apartment you grab a baseball bat no put it down i wanted to talk about how there's a guy in the apartment exactly you never listen ah that's funny yeah the listening is a fucking it's i didn't realize like what and it's tough i really have horrible i i it's hard for me to listen i'm a bad listener but also how about you meet me halfway okay you want me to listen so why don't you up the uh interesting factor huh let me meet me halfway here if i'm gonna do my part and listen why don't you add some punch lines yeah i used to have an old bit where a woman said to me you suffer from attention Meet me halfway here. If I'm going to do my part and listen, why don't you add some punchlines? Yeah, I used to have an old bit where a woman said to me,

you suffer from attention deficit disorder. And I was like, if you see me suffering, then why are your stories so long? That was a good one. There you go. Old one-liner. That's a good line. Also, I think you had a bit about this too. Like, we have phones now.

So, like, you got to beat the phone. So, you better step it up or you're gonna be obsolete conversation wise yeah i had a bit about how um like stories i wish it worked like youtube we could tap the face and see how much time was left and then of course that got turned into a fucking fat jew or whoever uh oh really yeah of course yeah they always take they always take our bits yeah that fat cunt. I hate that guy. Yeah. He was at Uncut Gems. I know. I think we already complained about this.

People were making fun of us because we've done like 10 different podcasts. I think some people were saying that the podcast should just be us doing a different podcast every podcast. Episode one, again. Yeah, that's funny. I like one more drink, though. I like us drinking together because this feels like we're actually hanging out. Mm-hmm. This is old school, you know?

Yeah, I've already put down this Soko and tea. What was that? Was it Diet Coke? Oh, no. I got, well, I'm doing my scotch, but I'm doing a little watermelon LaCroix back here. That's a good back. It's a nice back. Yeah. I would just pour that right in the scotch but i'm doing a little uh watermelon lacroix back here that's a good back it's a nice back yeah i would just pour that right in the scotch maybe no this is good scotch i'm not gonna

mix it that's true that's true i is that is that a no-no sometimes i'll put a little water in some scotch and i can no okay that's not do do what tastes good to you but i don't want to like put it i think water it's like ice you just want to like you're just diluting it a little a bit but like i think with like really good scotch i don't want to do that it. I think water, it's like ice. You just want to like, you're just diluting it a little bit. But like, I think with like really good scotch, I don't want to do that. But like, if it's like, if I'm drinking something that's like kind of shitty, I'm like, yeah, I don't care. Not even shitty, but like, you know, sometimes I look forward to when the ice melts just a little. Yeah, same, same. It cuts it a little.

I'm not, you know, Ernest Hemingway here. Well, Hemingway would drink some soft shit too I know he was like a badass Really? Yeah, he would drink like Havana Libres And, you know, those are like rum and cokes, I think Oh, yeah, he liked a cocktail You know, so I mean, that's like sugary

That's sweet Yeah, I don't care for neat Look, I get it, neat But it just feels like you're putting alcohol in a cup It doesn't feel like enough for me it depends on the on the uh occasion you know yeah it's it's snowing out you know it's snow out so i'll mix it up i've reached the point of the quarantine where like dude last night i made a fucking margarita i threw some grapefruit and pomegranate in my blender bam uh threw some tequila lime in there i was like

you know what i put a salt rim around it every once in a while i want to be a little fucking fancy boy but yeah that's nice but i usually drink scotch or like tequila or maybe a glass of wine but uh i just think like yeah i think neat in the winter is kind of nice honestly well neat also works too and it's like you know sam's getting married and we all just pour a couple of neat drinks and, you know, take it down. You know, when it's like a celebration. Speaking of that, let me ask you this. It's Christmas time.

It's holidays. It's snowing. Where do you stand on the bourbon and eggnog? I'm fine. You don't like it? I love it. I'm a huge fan of eggnog i i can't not speaking of david tell i can't i can't think of eggnog and not think of what was he called elf come elf come

i think about that every single time i pour an eggnog i like i haven't had it in a while but yeah i like throwing some what you throw some nutmeg and cinnamon on there and uh some yeah yeah it's really nice i love love that i mean egg? Some bourbon and eggnog. Yeah. It's really nice. I love that. I mean, you drink a cup of eggnog and you want to kill yourself because it's just so thick and dairy and sugary, but boy, you put that bourbon in there and it just cuts it. It's perfect. Yeah. It's nice. And I like, I mean, I'll have a fucking white Russian too. I don't give a shit. Oh yeah. Hell yeah. It's been a while, but like,

I usually just stick with like the brown stuff now, but like this shit will give me a hangover. I love a white Russian here and there. And I'll tell you, even talking about it makes me want to watch Lebowski right now. He calls it a Caucasian. I love it. Yeah, yeah.

I love a white rush, but you can't go too deep in with the creamy liquors. I feel like the liqueursurs it's just too much dairy after a while you're just yakking or shitting foam yeah you just feel fucking i mean like what are you gonna get loaded off of fucking milk it's exactly like it's just gonna be a fucking you're just gonna be like out to here you're gonna blow yeah it's bad news but i mean those eggnogs are so good i end up drinking like half a carton. Are you making them at home?

I do. I just buy like the carton, just the tall one, you know, where you crease it back and pour it in like that. And, oh, I love it. I just go out of the carton at night. Yeah, it's fucking good. Yeah, it's a problem. I might have to get up.

Maybe we should do it next week. Maybe we should get on a fucking little nutmeg kick. Oh, oh yeah hell i'm down that should be our next step yeah uh do we cover oh pet peeve what's your pet peeve for the week what do i have i wrote down something what do i have i wrote down a note just to make sure. Oh, fuck. All right. Fucking. I mean, this is an obvious one, but like just health insurance in this country, man. It makes me. Yeah, because I was on.

I had to. I spent like fucking six hours on the phone figuring out health insurance. Apparently, New York State has some sort of thing where you can't get a ppo which is like uh nationwide it's like we travel i want to get fucking you know i'm in la a lot i i want to get coverage i want to be able to get a checkup out there i want to be able to get like right you know stuff out there so uh yeah it's health insurance they're such pieces of shit they all none of them know how to do that literally every person i talked to is like oh you have to talk to this other person i'm like all right fuck you and then you talk to the airlines right now i want the health insurance industry to suffer to the point where they're like

airlines now we're like you call a delta and they're like no change fee we're happy to move it yes you're like good you fucking had it too good for too long airlines i'm glad you're fucking airlines right now feel like uh they feel like like a hot high school kid who grew up and got busted and and you're like wow they got really nice and you're like no they're broken that's fucking right i want health insurance to be like the airlines right now and by that i mean not bailed out fully and uh yeah and broken where they have to fucking give us some love now it's been yes i'm with it's like cabs cabs always i know you're a cab fan i'm a guy i like cabs too because they're right there and it's romantic the guys talking to you know dubai on a bluetooth or whatever it is but like i mean and you get a

cab in new orleans or where or somewhere outside of new york and it's like you got a call they're 45 minutes late they smell like cigarettes the car the seats reclined they have helen back and you're like what the fuck but they're the only game in town then uber came in they were like shit we got to clean up our act yeah they had a meeting no more hand grenades while you're driving yeah yeah exactly like blaring the the fucking music and the just the cigarette smoke and the dirty cab and all the whole thing and i kind of miss it the disrespect felt real i mean it was real i do miss it but you're right i mean i i'm that my pet peeve of the week i was so angry i spent like you know i did like four fucking podcasts the other day and the rest of the day i could just be on the phone with tech support all day and they just suck they just suck man tech support's a nightmare then they keep transferring

you to another place and you're like just give me the the lady give me the uh push zero give me the correspondent whatever you call it the operator yeah oh yeah what do you how about you what's your pet peeve well this one's a little bad look we've all been guilty of it but it happened to me today and it's a real pet peeve because it's a kind of a sign of like i don't give a shit about you or in consideration i go i have to be gone by this time and your your friend or whoever goes of course we got you out the door we'll say 321 out the door you got it no problem now it's 320 i go well it's about that time they go come on one more minute hang out another five where you going and you're like i'm walking away and they go what are you crazy you

leave it i'm like i told you it's 16 times 321 and they they give you shit for leaving at 320 you guys drinking is that what it was no he's sober now. I don't want to shit on, I don't want to say who it is, but like he always does that to me. And it's a huge pet peeve. Yeah. That's tough. It's tough. The person who like, you make the agree, the verbal agreements intact, right? We, we have the verbal agreement. And then you say, it's time for me to leave. Yes. This is the time we agreed upon. And they're like, come on, you got me out with this agreement. Right, right.

And it's basically saying like, this week, it's like, look, we're having so much fun. I don't want you to leave. But also, I don't really give a shit about your thing. I'd rather hang out than care about your problem. That's your, you deal with that. I'm still hanging out. So it's kind of inconsiderate in a way.

Totally. It's us giving what deal with that. I'm still hanging out. So it's kind of inconsiderate in a way. Totally. It's us giving what we have and then, and it not being enough. Yes, exactly. Exactly. It's feeling like nothing's enough for that person too. It's that it's yeah. That shit's tough where you're just like, like, I like the friends who are just like, totally like, well, I'm glad you were able to come out.

It's like, they're not recognizing that you did something even though it was a lot for you to come out. It's also a pandemic. It's also a fucking pandemic. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And that just drives me crazy. Cause it also makes you realize like, Oh, when I said three 21, an hour ago and you were going, Oh, of course you were just lying to me. You were just like, Oh yeah, whatever. I'll shut you up. Let's just keep hanging out.

But I get it. It's bittersweet because I want to see the guy. You're like a woman. You're like, all right, one kiss. And then they're like, all right. And they kiss you. And you're like touching your chest. You're like, I said I'll fucking kiss you, piece of shit.

Exactly. But let's be honest. A lot of those ladies want to go further. But I didn't. That's the other part that's gonna get cut from this but no i mean you know all that like oh no like there's a little flirtiness there but like with this i'm like 321 that's it meanwhile he's on the phone with his friends he said 321 we all know what he meant we don't know he's fucking, he all know he was asking for 325.

We all know exactly, exactly. Yeah. No means no. 321 means four 30. Yeah. But we worked it out and we're fine and blah, blah, blah. But yeah, that's a pet peeve. Yeah. No, I'm with you. I'm with, it's so much to even, it's so much to even go out these days. And like, I think like, I don't have the emotional, like, I'm not able to kind of socialize at the level I was a year ago because I'm so used to being alone now. So now when I'm out, I'm all, I'm very excited and I'm very happy to be around people.

But I also, I don't have the endurance. Yeah, totally. Totally. I mean, we used to be like Pumas and Jaguars and now we're house cats completely. We've just gotten, you know, shaped or what do you call it? Manipulate, what's the word?

We've accustomed, we've been accustomed to just home body, hangout, computer, phone, TV. And we used to be running all over the city. Yeah, no, i totally feel that and i think um i was trying to do a bit about people you ever like like i was trying to do a bit about like real friendship like what real friendship means to me and i want to do a bit about how like um you ever just i was facetiming a friend and we were just chatting and then we both got disconnected and neither of us called the other one back. To me, that's real friendship.

Because we both didn't need to make sure everything was okay. We both just knew it was okay. The conversation was over. I wrote a whole list. To me, I have another thing about I have a friend who will make plans. And I'll be like, hey, movie Wednesday. And then Wednesday comes around. And you're both kind of like, Oh,

I hope he doesn't contact me. And then neither of us contact the other person. Like that's a friend. Yes. We didn't need to check in. We both knew that we got out of the mood. It's still good. We're still okay. I don't know. That to me was like, it felt real. That's a bit, I think that's, that's, there's something there. There's something there. I'll noodle with that. My only argument is, though, if you're in the middle of something deep and heavy and then it gets cut off.

It wasn't. It was just kind of like we've been on the phone for a while. No, I totally agree. If it's something deep and heavy, it's the opposite for sure. Right, right. Yeah. Then you're like, do they hang up on me? Shit.

Yeah. But no, I completely, I'm with you on that. If they don't call back, they don't need to. They know you're still cool. hang up on me shit yeah but no i i completely i'm with you on that if they don't call back they don't need to they know you're still cool that's a friend yeah for sure good shit man well you're zany's tonight yep yep seeing the whole crew zany's starting it feels like nashville i mean austin where it's like things are popping here you know the club's full everybody's coming out theo moved here and josh wolf moved here jeff died here it's like things are popping here you know the club's full everybody's coming out Theo moved here and Josh Wolfe moved here Jeff died here it's like it feels like things are cooking it really feels like other cities are really popping comedy wise interesting yeah I mean that's all it takes

is like I guess now with the internet and and everything social media you don't all need to be in New York and LA so yeah it's probably good to spread it out a little. Honestly, I agree. I agree that way, you know, before we'd be like, Oh, I'm going to, I'm going to Cleveland, whatever. And now it's like, Oh, I'm going to, I did see this guy. I can do this club. I can do this podcast. So it's kind of nice to spread it out. You're right. That's cool, man. I mean, it's great. Um, I'm in, uh, I'm doing soul Joel's heated dome tent in Warriorsford PA on uh on Wednesday so I'm there on Tuesday are you there Tuesday night well I was supposed to be there on whatever the last the blizzard was and we had to turn back interesting yeah I've been there already once

um I hope people come out again but we'll see you know yeah I think you'll get to heated dome I think people are with their families they need something to do They don't want to sit and talk to their aunt for three days. So I think people will come out. That's my pitch. Don't talk to your aunt. Yeah. Come see some jokes. Yeah, so hopefully it should be pretty cool.

And, you know, good show. All right. I hope people are liking this. I hope they keep listening. I think we got a hot theme. Let us know what you can do with that theme. And we'll keep banging these out. This what you could do with that theme and uh we'll keep banging these out it's fun to do totally yeah keep commenting like it share it tell a friend share the link and i'm loving the comments i mean the nice ones but yeah just like

your pet peeve or your what what way do you think you can go with that bit i got a bunch of responses about bit ideas like you should go you should talk about this. I'm like, oh, yeah. I love it. I love it. I love people getting involved because I feel like our listeners or our commenters, they're cool. We have cool. They're cool. They're funny. I saw someone comment.

I don't read all of them, but I saw someone comment about a Robert Mitchum movie, Night of the Hunter. I was like, oh, I've never seen that. I'll check it out. I love that we're getting movie reviews. Yeah, exactly. We got good culture cultured interesting fans for the most part i love it uh well yeah