We Might Be Drunk - Ep 200: Brian Regan & Woodford Reserve

Starting point is 00:00:00 It's just been told to us that this is episode 200, so thank you guys for coming with us on this journey here. Hey, we made it. Same age as Biden. Alright. 200! Here, here. Not bad. It looks like we got a gift here from the It's Always Sunny guys. Whoa! How about that? Four walls, whiskey, which means, hey, Mark, Sam, and Matthew, we got a little note. This looks like a long note.

Starting point is 00:00:24 Wow, Jesus Christ. What got a little note. This looks like a long note. Wow, Jesus Christ. What is that, the declaration? Congratulations on Bodega Cat. Looking forward to talking whiskey one of these days soon on the pod or at the bar. Cheers from Four Walls. Very nice from the desk of Rob, Glenn, and Charlie.

Starting point is 00:00:38 Wow. Very cool. Yeah, we got a little sig from the boys here. Hey. So yeah, exciting. We'll put this in the bar and fuck it. We'll try it. Can't wait to give it a shot here Oh, come on in looking whiskey there. Thanks. It's always sunny guys four walls whiskey But you guys got to come drink some bodega cat. You got that right? Do we have other gifts here? No some fancy, oh, I recognize this fan.

Starting point is 00:01:05 Oh, wow, look at this. Hey, Mark and Sam, happy 200 episodes, you cum guzzling Nazis. I'm so happy I got to be on your show. I'm not one of the only regulars, baby, so thanks for having me on We Might Be Drunk, and I hope you guys burn in hell. Yeah!

Starting point is 00:01:23 Hey, Sam and Mark. Aw. That's my air conditioner in the background. I should shut that off but I'm not gonna do that. Happy 200th episode and yeah, not much more I can say. Good energy. What's up Bodega Cats? This is former guest and former friend, let's be honest, Joe DeRosa. I'm just here to wish you congrats on 200 episodes of They Might Be Drunk. I got to be honest, I thought it was about 478 at this point, but it's only been 200, which means there are a lot more to go

Starting point is 00:02:05 But I gotta be honest for a drinking podcast 200 is a landmark. I don't think you are drunk I don't think you're drinking enough. You sound a bit too motivated. He's got a drinking podcast, you know you hit about 16 apps and then you say what do you say we celebrate we did enough Anyway guys look I've made enough haha Congrats Sam and Mark and the crew We did enough. Anyway, guys, look, I've made enough ha-has here. This is like one of his bits. It's never-ending. I love you all. Congrats, Sam and Mark and the crew, Salakus and everybody else. We might be drunk.

Starting point is 00:02:34 I definitely am right now. Matt Peters. Hey, Sam and Mark. Congratulations on 200 episodes. I'm sure every other comedian has thought of something funny to say. I have not. So, I just wanted to say congratulations, I'm trying to be genuine and Yeah, see you around Sam. I'll see you. I'll go upstairs and see you now. Oh

Starting point is 00:02:55 neighbor Yeah, I'm taking a serious shit and that's not gonna stop me from congratulating Mark and Sam actually heard it at the water comedians on the 200 episode of we might be drunk Fuck I love you guys man. Congrats. Oh wow never thought The best five episodes they've ever done the best five episodes they've ever done. I'm always, I'm always doing this. He has no idea I'm doing this. Congratulations, boys.

Starting point is 00:03:25 I had no idea. Mark, Sam, the We Might Be Drunk family. I just want to say congratulations on 200 episodes. I am so honored to just be a little piece of what you guys put together. I went back to our episode when we gave barn food recommendations and the comment section glowing.

Starting point is 00:03:43 Look at this one from Wosu Dude. The Jew levels are off glowing look at this one from wu-su dude The Jew levels are off the scale on this one. We did it listen I heard back from so many of the bars and restaurants we talked about even in Belfast flaut pizza. They they message me They were like crying. They're like, oh my god We can't believe that you mentioned us and we might be drunk our businesses through the roof So you're saving lives You're helping people also. I do have to give an amendment to that story I found out that guy's wife is alive and well, he may sound like she was dying and she didn't she's like

Starting point is 00:04:15 She had like the cold so that is a little cold if anyone remembers, you know the story I told otherwise Congratulations bestie of both and the whole gang to 200 more mark and Sam Celebrity levels really rolling off you guys are two very special retards. There you go What's up? We might be told by gas. Wow congratulations are you 200th episode? I'll always be a fan I'll always keep watching even when you start doing them in a meetings. I'll tune in I'll always keep watching even when you start doing them in a meetings. I'll do it I'm Fred Stoller that Fred Stoller OG anti PC rebel

Starting point is 00:04:55 We'll fix it in Episodes of the podcast, We Might Be Drunk. This is actually the biggest thing that happened to me in a long time. Is that a pips shirt? Why is it got a pips comic club? To be part of a congratulations montage. And I hope you know who I am, Sam and Mark, and I make the cut. I've seen clips of your podcast. Hey, Mark, Sam, Winnie, the whole crew. Congratulations on 200 episodes of We Might Be Drunk. I've seen clips of your podcast. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Starting point is 00:05:25 Hey. Congratulations on 200 episodes of We Might Be Drunk. That's a lot of drinking you've done. I'm proud of you guys for carrying on the torch. And Winnie, I mean just immediate presence like no other. It's the tongue hanging out. Even Myrtle's a fan, you know? Hell yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:41 Myrtle. Tell you that old gal's still got a career. It's pretty good. Congratulations on 200 episodes. Murdle. Tell you that old gals still got a career. It's pretty good. Congratulations on 200 episodes. Thank you. Don't drive. Hey, Mark and Sam, congrats on 200 episodes. Well, the attractiveness disparity there is pretty jarring.

Starting point is 00:05:58 Pals, I should have rehearsed this. Congrats, boys. Hey guys, congratulations. Hey, Hanley, I forgot he did comedy. 2000 shows, that is phenomenal. And I've listened and watched every single episode. I remember when Whitney was just a little old puppy. Whitney. Hey guys, Harland here.

Starting point is 00:06:16 Congratulations on the 200th episode of We Might Be Drunk. It was a rack of my brain trying to figure out what kind of present to get you, but look at this. Oh man, I got you a palm tree. Beautiful palm, she's about 25 feet high. She gets ripe coconuts in the winter and she smells like the back of a baby seal. Unbelievable, that's his house, way up in the hills. Hollywood. Burnt out sea cucumber. Happy, congratulations, 200. I wish you, hope you get to 201.

Starting point is 00:06:52 Love you guys. Stay drunk. Stay funny. And stay the hell away from my wife. Freaks! Mark, Sam, congrats on 200 episodes of We Might Be Drunk. 200 episodes. What do you think at this. We might be drunk. 200 episodes.

Starting point is 00:07:06 What are you ice? You are drunk. Here's the 200 more guys. I should not do this while I drive. Hey Sam and Mark, David Redding here. Congrats on 200 episodes. Amazing. I'm so thankful I was able to be a tiny part of that

Starting point is 00:07:22 and answer all your audience's questions on Buzz Staff. See you all soon. Hey Mark and Sam, congrats on 200 episodes together. No better combination than two traumatized men and a lot of alcohol. Hey, congrats to the once gayer, better joke writing versions of us. 200 episodes. That's hilarious. You guys are smart. What are they at, Home Depot?

Starting point is 00:07:47 You guys are killing it. You are. I don't want to do this video. You don't? I'm joking. Sort it over, I feel like I'm... No, that was so much better. Oh, for real?

Starting point is 00:07:55 Yeah. Just tell them, fuck off. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not happy for your success. Hey, congratulations to you guys. That's so insincere. Do that regular how you really feel.

Starting point is 00:08:03 For real, how I feel? Yeah. No! Yeah how you really feel. For real how I feel? Yeah. No! Yeah, send this. Send this. That's great.

Starting point is 00:08:12 What is it? Oh, that's nice. What do we have here? We got a box, folks. We got a big gift. Is this gonna be poor Osos? What's in the box? What?

Starting point is 00:08:23 Oh my God. Oh, get out of town holy shit what I'm wearing this tonight where'd you make these who sent this look at that hide the bodies that's the merch I love we got a bunch alright I'm wearing one too how killer is that oh my god I got a medium Wow That is so killer. This is right up my anal. I love these are all larges 200f I mean this is better than anything I own Here's an XL for you. I think no, that's you you're a triple So I got a large, yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:05 Well, we'll try them on. Thank you, Hide the Bodies. Very cool. I mean, that is amazing. Love this. All right, well. Killer. Thank you so much.

Starting point is 00:09:15 And guess what? We have a guest coming in who's one of our favorite comics. We're so pumped to do 200 with him. Living Legend, one of the best comics working. And it's an honor to have him. So enjoy. See you soon. All right, let's do it. So you guys do what I like too? Yeah, you drink what I drink? Yeah, you're the guest. Add some Pepto Bismol.

Starting point is 00:09:41 We have that. Oh, we peps at AC. We're fucking pussies, dude. Are we on? Are we rolling? Oh, hey, great. We got all that. Hey, all right. We might be drunk. We're here. We're queer.

Starting point is 00:09:52 We got the whole gang and we got our pal. Brian Regan. Hey. Brian Regan. How are you guys? Good, man. Thank you for having me. Sure.

Starting point is 00:10:02 Hey, thank you. Yeah. I know you guys invited me a while back. It didn't quite work out schedule-wise, but happy to be here now. Hell yeah, good to have you in full beard. You look like you're prepping for the doomsday. Yeah, what's the guy in Harry Potter? Dumbledore. Dumbledorf. Yeah. The old guy.

Starting point is 00:10:24 No, I think you got it right the first time. Dumbledore? Dumbledore, I think. Dumbledore. Dumbledorf. Yeah. The old guy. I think you got it right the first time. Dumbledore? Dumbledore, I think. Dumbledore. I don't know. So I corrected it. I got it right and then I corrected it and made a mistake. Who had that great Dumbledore joke? Ted.

Starting point is 00:10:35 Was it Ted? Yeah. Dumbledore is gay? Yeah. I can't believe he's gay. You can believe he's a wizard, but you can't believe he's gay? Ted. We've quoted Ted on here a decent amount.

Starting point is 00:10:44 Ted's the man. Great joke. You know's gay. Ted. We've quoted Ted on here a decent amount. Ted's the man. Great joke. You know Ted Alexandro. Sure. One of my favorite jokes of his is a friend upgrading responses. So when you go, hey, how you doing? Okay, good. You're doing good, huh?

Starting point is 00:11:00 I suppose. Great. All right, you're doing great, huh? Yeah, fantastic. I don't Great. All right. You're doing great, huh? Yeah, fantastic. I don't know that one. Upgrading. And then he'll do the next part when someone's doing too good, he's like, how are you?

Starting point is 00:11:12 Amazing. Okay. He has to downgrade him too. I love that bit. Tap the brakes. Ted came to my college when I was in school and I got to open for him and he was awesome. He was a really. Sweet man.

Starting point is 00:11:22 Good man. Good dude. And he killed. You were a student? Yeah. And you were doing comedy or getting into comedy? Yeah, he had a great opener. He opened, it was in New Orleans at Katrina.

Starting point is 00:11:32 And I remember he opened with the joke. At Katrina, like it's a, you know. No, like right after Katrina. Oh, okay. At Katrina, yeah, we were drowning. I studied at Katrina. It was weird. We were underwater, but he still brought the heat.

Starting point is 00:11:42 No, he opened, he goes, so I guess it's been, I've always been dying to come down here ever since I heard about what happened and I guess it's been about a year and that just crushed and you're like, alright. Sometimes it's just the fucking pause, you know? It's much better than Daniel Tosh's joke. Alright. What's that? Daniel Tosh came down like right after Katrina and he goes,

Starting point is 00:12:02 ah, this city needed a good bath. And you're like, jeez, how about a hello? But hey, uh, this city needed a good bath. And you're like, jeez, how about a hello? But hey, sorry, I ruined the toast. Good to be here. Yeah, alright. Thanks for coming, Regan. I tried to joke down there. I was like, Katrina came through here, huh? I'm happy about all of the destruction. And uh- nothing. No, nothing. Damn.

Starting point is 00:12:26 Damn. Well, you know. I'm like, I probably didn't pause. Something's wrong. Something's wrong. Day open with things are really bad, huh? It's weird how bad things are. You guys aren't ready to laugh yet, I see.

Starting point is 00:12:41 When I first moved here, we did a roast of a friend. He's also from New Orleans and a guy from Michigan roasted us and he goes, I got drunk with him, he wet the bed, I got drunk with him and wet the bed. What the hell you New Orleans guys, what's in the water down there? Oh yeah, it's your houses. I was like, that's a great joke. That's good. Yeah. Good times. Everybody's laughing except the people in New Orleans.

Starting point is 00:13:01 Yeah, well hey. It's been a while. We've had a minute. I'm from there, they can handle it. It was 05. Oh, I got a coaster over here and everything, man. Hey, all right. Fantastic. I wasn't thinking to use one, but I'm going to use one.

Starting point is 00:13:15 Did you forgive me for my ignorance? But Mexican people, no. I feel like you didn't start in New York. Florida, right? Started in Fort Lauderdale. Whoa! The comic strip in New York opened a sister club, if you will. I don't know why I'm calling it a sister club. It could be a brother club, could be another club. So they opened what I called a sister club in Fort Lauderdale, and that's where I started. I grew up in Miami, Florida, drove up to the

Starting point is 00:13:46 comic strip to audition and you got there during the day and you would draw numbers. I knew nothing about anything, you know? All these people out front, I drew like number seven or something. And right after it, and the show was gonna be that night. So like four or five people came up to me and said, I'll trade, I'll trade. Oh. And I'm like, I don't know what number seven means, but I ain't trading.

Starting point is 00:14:14 Yeah. And it meant you went up in the middle of the show. Nice gooey middle. And so that was my first time on stage. The whole show is auditioners. No, they actually had headliners. The comic strip in Fort Lauderdale, this was like before comedy had really exploded

Starting point is 00:14:32 around the country, so nobody knew how to do a show. They had three co-headliners, all of whom did 45 minutes. Shut up. So they had a local opener do 10. No, they had a local MC do like 10, a local opener do another 10, then three 45-minute sets. Wow. Jesus, poor audience. I'm telling you.

Starting point is 00:14:57 And then on a Monday, it was open mic night, so they would put open micers in between all of that. Jeez. So can you imagine being the third comic, the third 45 minute set, people have seen like two and a half hours of show before you even hit the stage. Well that was back when the club owner was just like, let's sell as many drinks and chicken nuggets as we can.

Starting point is 00:15:19 So like, put people up there for hours. They want, it's like they wanted the show to outlast the audience. Right, right, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, just people just kept leaving and leaving. I did the audition at the comic strip and it was like a big one for me at the time

Starting point is 00:15:34 and I remember it was like 200 comics at this lottery. You remember that shit? Oh yeah, the lottery. And I remember going on, I got, you'd go six comics after the regular show. So you'd be like a good two and a half hours in the evening for the crowd. And then they'd be like, I got, you'd go six comics after the regular show. So you'd be like, a good two and a half hours in the evening for the crowd. And then they'd be like, all right,

Starting point is 00:15:49 do you guys want to watch some terrible comics? And the crowd was like, fine, yeah. They were nice enough to stay. And it was us six, and I drew number six, and I was like, fuck this, this is gonna be, they're not gonna be here. But then, you know, everyone was doing like, not well, but well enough,

Starting point is 00:16:05 and the guy who got five right before me had a full on nervous breakdown on stage. He walked 70 out of the ADP. Get outta here! During his set, he was just like, I'm fucking bad at this, oh my God, I fucking suck. He just started freaking out, and they all just filed out,

Starting point is 00:16:20 and I was like, this wasn't meant to be. Wow. I thought it was me. Ah! I was like, I'm gonna be five. Holy shit. Well, at the comic strip, on Monday night, they would slip the open micers in between.

Starting point is 00:16:33 I'm talking about the Fort Lauderdale one. But every other night of the week, it was open seven nights a week. They would let the locals go on after the show, like you're talking about. And we were new and local and not very good, you know? And the guy who ran the club, Joe Mullen, at one point said, all right, from now on when the three headliners are over, like if I was emceeing, he would say,

Starting point is 00:16:56 I want you to go on stage. He wanted to draw a clear line. He goes, I want you to go on stage and say, that's it for our show. We do have some local comedians who are coming up to do a few minutes each. If you guys want to leave, we understand, but if you want to hang out and give them an audience, you're welcome to do so. Wow! So – It's always a tough intro charity.

Starting point is 00:17:18 Right? And about 75% of the audience would get up and leave. Of course. You know, because the emcee had just said, that's it for our show. But curiosity – And about 75% of the audience would get up and leave. Yeah. Of course. You know, because the MC had just said that's it for our show. But curiosity. And then they would let us go. True.

Starting point is 00:17:31 Sometimes like, I don't know, if I was in the audience, I'd be – and I had nothing to do the next day. I think I'd be like, I kind of want to see what the hell this is. Yeah, sure. But they don't do this with strippers. All right, guys. Maybe. That was the real show.

Starting point is 00:17:41 Next up, we got some pigs. He's a girl. We don't claim them. They're cute. He's not in shape yet. You're pigs. He's a girl, we don't claim them. They're still in shape. He's not in shape yet. You're welcome to hang around and look at them. Some stripper goes up there like, I can't fucking do this.

Starting point is 00:17:54 Yeah, yeah. We got some real bridge trolls coming in. They're not booked. But yeah, that's comedy for you. But that was what, 64? 64 years ago. Yeah, okay. No, what was those, early's comedy for you. But that was what, 64? Marshall S. Yeltsin 64 years ago. Stan Mallow Yeah, okay. No, what was those, early 80s? Marshall S. Yeltsin Yeah.

Starting point is 00:18:07 Stan Mallow Yeah, wow. Marshall S. Yeltsin You've been at it through 81 or something like that. Stan Mallow So you saw Boom though. The Boom was what, 86 or something? Marshall S. Yeltsin When I wanted to be a comedian, the only comedy clubs were in New York City and Los Angeles. Stan Mallow Wow. Marshall S. Yeltsin I was getting ready to move to New York and then the comic strip, The

Starting point is 00:18:27 Sister Club opened up in Fort Lauderdale. I remember seeing the ad in the Miami Herald and of all the ads I've ever seen in my life, this one like jumped out at me more than anything. It's like a comedy club opens, comic strip comedy club opens in Fort Lauderdale, open Mike Nights on Monday and I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah! Wow, there it is. Fort Lauderdale, open Mike Knight's on Monday, and I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah! Wow, there it is. Fort Lauderdale has good audiences. Great crowd.

Starting point is 00:18:47 Every time I'm there, I'm always like, oh yeah, you guys are fuckin', I like the, cause you know, Florida is like a real, it's a hit or miss. It's a hit or miss, mixed bag is Miami. Miami can be tough. Yeah. Naples is horrible, as I've been through.

Starting point is 00:19:02 Fort Myers is tough, but then like Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, Tampa, like all killer. You know? Even Jacksonville's fun. Jacksonville's good. Yeah. What's that other one? Up in the panhandle.

Starting point is 00:19:14 Tallahassee I did, I had a great time. But yeah, you get to, the lower you get, the worst it gets. Yeah. But I always say Florida is upside down. If you draw a line through Florida Like right around Orlando everything north of that has a southern vibe. Yeah, everything south of that is Has a northern vibe. Yeah, it's like transplanted New Yorkers and stuff like that But then you also have Cuban population Haitian population, you know, so southern Florida is like upside down

Starting point is 00:19:43 It's a great the Cubans are just there Puerto Ricans like they you know, it's it's pretty similar, you know, so Southern Florida is like upside down. That's a great point. The Cubans are just there, Puerto Ricans, like they, you know, it's pretty similar, you know? Yeah, yeah. But then, you know, you're coming up in the 80s, like who were the guys you were looking at that made you want to do this? Jerry Seinfeld was a guy that I followed as an auditioner. I auditioned five times. One of them was with my brother Dennis.

Starting point is 00:20:09 You guys know my brother Dennis. Oh yeah, very funny guy. Very stand up. So I auditioned like three times and then one time I said to my brother, I said why don't we try it as a comedy team? Oh. So we go to the comic strip to audition as a comedy team.

Starting point is 00:20:23 We drew our number and we followed one of the three headliners and the guy's name was Jerry Seinfeld. Neither of us had ever seen him before. He went on stage and absolutely killed. Wow. And we were like, you know, we're laughing, enjoying him. And then we were like looking at each other, holy shit, we gotta follow this guy. So they said, that's it, enjoy Jerry Seinfeld, nice hand for Jerry Seinfeld,

Starting point is 00:20:51 now we have some auditioners coming up here, Brian Regan and Dennis Regan. We went on stage and completely died. Completely. It was your first time going up as a team. It was our first time going up as a team. It was our first time going up as a team. It's fucking hard. Yeah, that's a different animal.

Starting point is 00:21:07 And I remember I had told Dennis, you know, that because he was worried he goes, how do we know when to get off stage? And I said, well, they're going to put a light up. You know, a light means that it's time to wrap up. Sure. And basically the whole show he just kept asking, when are they going to turn that light on? Damn, that's never a good sign.

Starting point is 00:21:25 Right. Shit, well did you get, did you converse with Jerry and go, tell me everything, you big Jew, what was it like? Well, what was interesting is I remember watching him and I was disillusioned because I'm thinking, well if this guy isn't famous, what am I trying to get into? I'm trying to get into this comedy world. Interesting. This was like the best guy I'd ever seen as a comedian.

Starting point is 00:21:47 But he had been on Carson at that point. No. Really? Wow. He did his first Carson like a week or two after we saw him. Damn! He's probably running that. Yeah, so I remember like going, okay, the comedy thing is fair. You know, this guy's really good. Now he's on The Tonight Show. If you're good enough, you can make some success. That was probably like early 80s.

Starting point is 00:22:09 It was like six comics, six famous comedians. Was it Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, Carlin and Woody Allen, Cosby? I don't know. They weren't a ton of household names. A third of them ended up becoming maybe rapists. Yeah, Carlin. But yeah, so I think breaking in was tough back then and you had what, like three avenues,

Starting point is 00:22:32 you had Carson, you had HBO. Right. That's about it, man. Maybe a letterman, I don't know. So I worked there as a dishwasher and busboy and the whole thing, and they would let me go on at the end of the night. Wow! And was that Dennis' first time on stage?

Starting point is 00:22:51 That was Dennis' first time doing stand-up. And I think he was so thrown by how bad it went that he's like, I don't know if I want this in my life. So I continued auditioning by myself, and then I started making some progress. He was doing some other things and then a couple years later he decided to get back into it. Damn. Wow. That's wild. So you just kept, you just stuck with it and moved to LA? New York.

Starting point is 00:23:19 Oh, you moved to New York eventually. Yeah. The story I heard from Nick DiPaolo is that he moved from Boston to New York and he just like packed his bags down, went to the Comedy Cellar, saw you on stage murdering and was like, I might have to leave. So you did it to him. You did the Seinfeld move to him.

Starting point is 00:23:36 That's a good feeling. That's a nice compliment. But the person I would say was, that I saw perform in New York where I was like, man, some people know how to get some laughs. Mario Cantone. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:50 I went into Catch Rising Star. I was in New York for like a week or two. I went into Catch Rising Star. I hadn't passed there, I just was watching comedians. Mario Cantone got on stage and destroyed. Like I remember going, I've never seen laughs like at this level and he was just like a machine. Like bam, bam, bam.

Starting point is 00:24:11 And I'm like, I gotta go buy some notebooks. Yeah, I gotta go gay. I gotta figure something out. Damn, but remember, do you guys see the Bill Hicks doc that came out? Well, he said, oh, it's great, it's fun. It was cool. Scream, I think it's called.

Starting point is 00:24:28 I thought it was called American. American Scream, yeah something like that. But he, what is it? Oh shit, I was way off. Where did I get Scream? All right, American, but he talked about when the comedy club opened, it was like a gift from the gods opened the clouds and put a

Starting point is 00:24:45 comedy club in Houston in his town. And he went in there and he's like, I can't believe this is a thing that exists where adults spend money. Because he was 14. Yeah. Well, there's a great story about Bill Hicks. He said... Ooh, played on me. He did a show one time and a guy came up to him after the show and said, hey, we didn't come here to think. So Bill Hicks said, tell me where you do go to think and I'll do my act there. It's pretty good.

Starting point is 00:25:17 Nice. You have to go to the guy's toilet. Wow. Geez. Stay in front of this toilet. How about now? You thinking a little bit? Did you see a bunch of other killers coming up in Florida? Sam Kinnison.

Starting point is 00:25:39 Wow. Sam Kinnison performed before he was a name. Was he a dude that immediately were like, this dude's fucking incredible? It was interesting. The club was open seven nights a week. One show he would destroy the next night, walk the room. Wow. Interesting.

Starting point is 00:25:59 Night after that, destroy next night, walk the room. Like either a crowd got into the wavelength and rode it, or they were like, taking a back and didn't want any more of it. It's interesting, from him performing there, I realized how much audiences, like, everybody thinks they're an individual making a decision in an audience,

Starting point is 00:26:24 but everybody's influenced by how everybody else is reacting. Oh, good point. You know what I mean? Yeah. So like you think, oh, I think this guy's funny or I don't think this guy's funny, you're influenced by the people around you, laughing or not laughing. If they don't laugh, you're more inclined to go, I guess they're right.

Starting point is 00:26:41 That's a great point. If they're laughing, you're more inclined to go, okay, I guess he's funny. True. And that's why we go, that crowd sucked. Because as a whole, they got influenced by each other and it changed everything. They all made up, they did that group thing. You know, when you see those birds flying, like 10,000 birds and they're all doing this, are they all making individual decisions? That's quite a coincidence that they're all going around. Audiences are like that. But when you're having a bad set, do you address it or do you just kind of think like I'm gonna

Starting point is 00:27:09 keep doing my thing, I'm gonna build momentum, I'm gonna get them, what do you do? I've, what I try to do is pretend that I'm sitting in the middle of the audience and go, all right, clearly I don't know how to make these people laugh. Right. But I know what I think is funny. So I just go, what would I laugh at if I was out there? So it calms me down and at least I can... You know how you can step on the gas too much if you're losing a crowd? Yeah, yeah. You step on the gas and you start chasing them, which is a bad move. So it it'll teach me, don't chase these people, just do what I think is funny. Sometimes I can turn a crowd around, sometimes I don't, but at least I'm staying true to

Starting point is 00:27:53 what I think is funny. Yeah. You know what I mean? Interesting. What really sucks is when you put yourself out there and you bomb to yourself and you go, well, now I don't think I'm funny. Yes. Yeah, you sell yourself out a little. to yourself and you go, now I don't think I'm funny. I'm bombing in front of you. Yeah, you sell yourself out a little.

Starting point is 00:28:06 I realize how much I suck. You ever have to- I'm seeing it from the other perspective. You ever think where you kill and you get off and your friend or your opener's like, that was great. You're like, it wasn't right for me. They had a good time, but I was off and I wasn't where I wanted to be.

Starting point is 00:28:22 But they'll never know. Then there's a weird thing, it's like, well, what is our job, right? I mean, is it to entertain? Is wanted to be. But they'll never tell. Then there's a weird thing, it's like, well what is our job, right? I mean, is it to entertain? Is it to be true to ourselves? I mean, hopefully you find a place in the middle where that was me and they liked it. But sometimes you do like a private event type thing

Starting point is 00:28:34 and you're like, I just gotta survive this. Oh, totally, totally. You must get a million of those because you're clean. Well, anytime, if I do interviews, I always talk about how much I hate corporate shows, which is so bad for me, for my agents who are trying to book me on corporate shows. So, well, we heard them in the We Might Be Drunk podcast

Starting point is 00:28:54 that he doesn't like them, so we decided not to book him. But at least an audience in a regular venue, they're coming out to see me, but a corporate show, they're out there for another reason and I'm hit or miss, man. Really? Yeah. I feel like you can cruise.

Starting point is 00:29:11 No, I can, you know, from doing it, I've learned enough, I have enough skills, if you will, to be able to force my way through it, but that doesn't mean I'm having any fun. No, no one's having fun on those. That's a chain gang. You're getting whipped, you know? Some of them, you catch a good crowd and you go, okay, this is a good time.

Starting point is 00:29:32 But back to your crowd hive mind thing. Somebody once told me, I forgot who this was, some smart funny guy said, if you got 10% of the audience on your side, you can get all of them. Like if you have 10% of your people show up and that's 10% of the crowd on your side, you can get all of them. Like if you have 10 of your, 10% of your people show up and that's 10% of the crowd, they can sway an entire 500,000 seat room. Right. I go along with that because if somebody's not laughing, they're gonna hear other people laughing and they don't want to miss out. Right.

Starting point is 00:30:00 All right. Well, obviously something's going on here and they're to be more interested in tuning in to try to find the right wavelength. Yeah. Whereas if nobody's laughing, then there's nothing to, there's no reason to try to tune in. Yes, exactly. We were at the Comedy Cellar and I was like, bitching. I was like, ah, I killed in this room, same material, bombed in this room. And Colin Quinn goes, you never done stand up before?

Starting point is 00:30:22 Like that's constantly all the time happening. What are you talking about? This is the first time it's ever happened to you? I'm like, it's frustrating. But he's right. It's frustrating when you're building because you get excited about a new joke and then it fucking bombs 10 minutes later.

Starting point is 00:30:35 Yeah. So yeah, it's still annoying. I'm with you. I'm still bothered by it. Yeah. It happened to me last night. There you go. There was a club in Akron, Ohio or Northeast Ohio.

Starting point is 00:30:50 And it was a place that wasn't built to be a comedy club. So it had two levels. So the stage was here. And you had half your audiences over here, like on your level. And then there was like a little staircase down to the other half of the audience. What is this, MC Escher's Club?

Starting point is 00:31:07 So these people are so low they can't even see these people. And I remember having shows there where I got two different reactions in the same show. Like I'm bombing down there but killing over here at the same time. That's hilarious. So is this funny or not, you know? Yeah, it's so frustrating because like I always say you're a basketball player, if it goes in it's two points. That's it.

Starting point is 00:31:34 This is like the same joke gets two points here, gets zero points there. Well it's entertainment, you know? Yeah, it's subjective. You see a movie, half the room could love the movie. I mean that's what we're doing, you know? Yeah, I guess that's true, yeah. I guess you just write a joke, you go, that joke works or it doesn't.

Starting point is 00:31:49 So then when you have to fluctuate, you're like, well, what the fuck am I doing here? I know, but you've done jokes that got an applause rake on Fallon, and then you bring it to a bar show, and they're like, that sucked. That's a good point. I mean, it's just, yeah, it's not just,

Starting point is 00:32:00 but that's showbiz. I've always thought that, I mean, who gets to decide whether something is funny or not? So my attitude is if one person in the world thinks something is funny, then it's funny. That doesn't mean other people agree, but it made one brain laugh.

Starting point is 00:32:24 So if you think of something and you think it's funny, it's funny. It might not work. Ted Bundy's like, I think this is funny. I think this is working. I mean, you might have to drop it from your act. You can't just plow through an audience and go, I could give a damn what you think.

Starting point is 00:32:41 You do have to find things that they agree with to keep in your act. Enough of them agree with. Correct. Yeah, it's got to be the majority. Because you can't have three guys going, ha ha ha, you know, in a theater, that's not enough. You know, you don't want to be like, that guy gets it. Yeah, everybody hates that guy.

Starting point is 00:32:58 If I was in the middle of the audience, I'd think it was funny. Right. But those, you also like to be concerned to be, with being one of those comics comics who crushes in those coffee house shows and then goes to any real room and can't fucking connect. That is kind of satisfying for me. Yeah, when we would like, Mark and I at Open Mikes

Starting point is 00:33:20 would do such kind of like, bum bum jokes. Our jokes were so kind of like, well that's the joke. And then we'd see guys kind of be loose and just like, I don't give a shit and murder. But then when they'd go to the Caroline's or the strip, they would eat shit. And it was like, all right, at least like, those L's were for something that we took, you know?

Starting point is 00:33:37 Oh yeah, totally. And all those people are homeless now. So, fuck them. I've always wanted to, you know, there's like playing to the crowd or playing to the back of the room and both of them are fun, but I always thought I was a pig because I wanted both, I wanted the crowd and the people in the back of the room to think it was funny. Well, we all do.

Starting point is 00:33:59 I want everybody to enjoy it. That's how I feel. I want everybody to enjoy it. I used to, remember when the alt scene was big? You know, I don't know, 2005, 2006? And I would see these club comics, like hardcore club comedians go to the alt shows where I was performing, and they would bring the Bible and open it up and make fun of it. And they thought they had to be weird. They thought they had to have a thing, but I'm like,

Starting point is 00:34:21 no, no, Gaffigan comes in here and rips with jokes, you know? But I think people would think they had to get kooky and alternative in these certain rooms, but like, no, we're just trying to make everybody laugh. Don't try to make these alt people laugh with your alt bullshit. Go both places with the same funny stuff. I see a lot of the Club Comics going to the alt rooms

Starting point is 00:34:42 like with the notepad and just be, so what else? I'm like, you did that joke on Letterman. That's your fucking A material. Right, right. But they'd be like, is that anything? I don't know. I know. That's a bit of a cheat code.

Starting point is 00:34:54 You know, they go, I'm going to try a new one. It's not great. I don't know why I went into Trump. I'm going to do a new one. I'm going to try a new one. I don't know. I'm working on it. The crowd's like, do it.

Starting point is 00:35:03 Do it. And then it's like a proven, tried and true bitue bit like come on you you know there that way about the The with the show on Comedy Central, I can't believe this is happening. Oh, this is not happening. This is not happening. Yeah, yeah You had a great story on there. Yes. Well, thank you the bomb threat No, no that was Sal Vulcano. It was oh You had a great story on that. Yes! Well, thank you. The bomb threat? No. No, that was Sal Vulcano, I think. No, that was... Oh no, it might have been Jim Brewer, actually.

Starting point is 00:35:29 Jim Brewer, sorry. That was a great story, too. Sorry, sorry. Yeah, what was yours again? What was yours? I remember loving it, though. Mine was about, I mean, I'm not gonna do the whole thing, but it was about...

Starting point is 00:35:39 Do the whole story, 20 minutes. Having to do comedy on center ice at an NHL game. Ah! And getting literally boo boot off the ice. Dog on a Zamboni. There you go, dog on a Zamboni. But I had been told when I was supposed to do the show that you're supposed to just do a story that I thought was not in your act.

Starting point is 00:36:00 So I worked on this Zamboni story, you know, like, I mean, that's a true story. But then I started realizing a lot of people were actually just doing bits from their act, pretending like they were stories and I was like, well, felt like cheating to me. Yeah, I'm with you. I did a brand new story that I worked out for that show. Ari told me a tell one on one of the ones at the Improv when he just did it. And he just did, not the Comedy Central one, but just the Improv storytelling show.

Starting point is 00:36:30 Yeah. And it's hell of a deal. He's like, I don't do stories. Like, just do the show. And it's hell of a deal. He's like, all right, this next one is a story about a midget. Just be a short joke.

Starting point is 00:36:39 Yeah, I don't tell stories either, so that was hard for me. I don't know how you felt. that was hard for me. I don't know how you felt. It was hard for me too. I would practice it at the end of my shows, the story, and I would tell the audience, hey, I'm working on a story for this TV thing. So I practiced it, but it still wasn't something that was part of my act normally. Same, same.

Starting point is 00:37:01 Which was kind of cool to get out of your comfort zone, but it's still not my cup of jizz. Yeah, it's tough. Some people, I mean, it's just all they do. Yeah. Like Jim Jeffries, I feel like, could just tell a story. Like, oh, just go tell a story. He'd tell a story at a bar, and that's just how he is. The whole bar's listening.

Starting point is 00:37:20 Yeah, but like, yeah, we're kind of joking. You can't, man. I can't either. I'm very meticulous about the words and the moments and the beats, and it's kind of like a curse in a way, because then when you're just hanging out at a party or something like that, people kind of expect you to be funny, and it's like, well, I'm not, you know,

Starting point is 00:37:43 when I work on an act or a joke, it's like, you put a lot of work and effort into it, and you try to make it sound like it's just off kind of the top of your head. But that's not the way I'm able to really just, I can't do that in just normal life. That's another thing rock stars don't have to worry about. You know, a slash walks into a party,

Starting point is 00:37:59 no one's like, give this guy an ax. Just starts shredding. Like, they can just hang out and get blown. We got to be on. What's that? It's a good life. Yeah, it's a great life. Great life.

Starting point is 00:38:13 Or it was, but now I got to make you uncomfortable here. Uh-oh. It's working. Okay. Don't you feel like you might have the most copycats? I see a lot of people doing Regan, which is a huge compliment, you know, it's flattering, but I think you might, Tell is up there, obviously,

Starting point is 00:38:37 but I think you might be number one. I think Burr's got a lot. Burr's got a lot, but Burr's younger. Hedberg had a lot back in the day. Ton of copycats. It's just, I think we all kinda came up during that era of Comedy Central half hours. I remember yours and.

Starting point is 00:38:52 Oh, huge. And Natel and Hedberg and all those, Greg Giroldo and who else was, I mean. Oh yeah. Tosh, so many of those. Right, right, but you have those old, like the yellow ones, the sun, and then like, you too, I do the you too. The dumb character. The dumb the yellow ones, the sun, and then like, you too!

Starting point is 00:39:05 I do the you too! The dumb character. The dumb guy with the kind of the back, the shoulders go up a little. Yeah, I mean that is so copied and imitated. And I think on accident, I don't think people are stealing. I think you're just such an influence. Well I appreciate that. Your cadence is infectious.

Starting point is 00:39:24 Yeah, it's a good way to say it. I've noticed occasionally we're all, I remember doing a show one time and it was like two local, I'm at a comedy club, they had two other local comedians who I'd never met before. And I remember sitting in the back of the audience going,

Starting point is 00:39:39 I'm following two Brian Regans. Oh, that was dense. I mean, they were similar, you know, like similar in style and... And a guest spot who's Jackie the Jokeman Martlin. That's... But there is a difference between outright stealing and getting influenced.

Starting point is 00:40:00 And I think if you are, heck, you know, I probably was influenced by some people growing up. You just... Who influenced you, do you think? John Fox. I've heard stories. The road dog. Yeah, I've heard many tales about this guy.

Starting point is 00:40:15 He was an animal. High energy. I think I might have kicked up my energy after watching him. Not material. I mean, he was like a very dirty act, but you know, there he is, John Fox. Oh yeah. Right there.

Starting point is 00:40:31 Can we play a bit? I just wanna get a, maybe watch him do two. He was legendary, man. He passed away a few years ago. I think he did a Marin episode. Oh really? I think he did. People rave about this guy.

Starting point is 00:40:41 Yeah, he was something else, man. I've never watched a second of John Fox. Me neither, I don't know him. That's exciting. This is another good one. Who gonna what? Oh, well, let's get to a, oh gee, remember how long he's. That's not John Fuck, there we go.

Starting point is 00:40:52 There you go. Wow, yeah, he's animated. Marty! I already kinda like it. I'm already laughing. And the really radical. Only think of it is Tom Arnold. So come on down and catch some rays. How are things in Newport? This is Gookey in Newport.

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Starting point is 00:44:27 I love that if you're not in the area order that black pig on Amazon as a paperback ebook or a Kindle unlimited Wait a minute Just finished it. It's fantastic. Love it. So he gave me a piece of advice I was working with him at a comedy club and I would have a beer on stage on a stool and One time, you know, I did my show, I walked off stage and he said, he had like this grass, gravelly voice, he goes, hey, Regan, he goes, give me a favor, don't take a sip from your beer unless there was a laugh before that. Because sometimes you're doing a joke and it doesn't get a laugh and

Starting point is 00:45:06 you're still going over and taking a sip. He goes, wait till there's a laugh and then when the laugh is coming down, you can take a sip. He said, earn your sips. Oh, earn your sips. Earn your sips. I love that. I never forgot that. Yeah, well that's a real momentum killer if you're just like, so the other day I was at the church.

Starting point is 00:45:24 What are you doing here? No, I'm told you. I'm waiting patiently while you hydrate. Exactly. How thirsty are you buddy? Now where are you at on giving notes to the opener? Is that not like an insult or that's not a real critical note that, you know, sometimes they kind of cut deep.

Starting point is 00:45:48 Well, I would only talk about a particular bit, like if you have a tagline or something like that, something that they've already thought of that I think is good, you know, if you think of a tagline or maybe another way of saying a word here or there. Yeah. But I would never give somebody a performance joke. Oh. You know, like how to perform. Right, right. I Yeah. But I would never give somebody a performance joke. Oh. You know, like how to perform. Right, right.

Starting point is 00:46:08 I don't think I would do that. I'm with you, but I had a guy the other day and it irked me and I had to put the kibosh on it. What'd you say? So this guy brought notes on stage, which do what you gotta do, I get it, go nuts, I'm not mad about that, but he had the stool behind him. So he would look at his notes after every single joke

Starting point is 00:46:28 and he would go, so then my dog shit on the lawn. Oh, I'll tell you. The other day I was at the bank. Was he hidden? It was killing, but they stole all my money. Big laugh. And then my mom's in town and she's a bitch, let me tell you, she can't cook, the whole kitchen blew up. I mean, you get it, but it was like...

Starting point is 00:46:52 My note would be, why don't you put the stool like in front of you? Yes, yes. And then you can like look down without having to turn your back on it. Well, hold the sheet. I would give that performance note. Yes, I did, I did. Or memorize them. Memorize your fucking jokes that you wrote.

Starting point is 00:47:10 That you've just got 15 years into comedy. Well, you don't know your act? I get it, you got one new one, aren't you? How did you have them up here? And then you can save them without having to look. Yeah, exactly. So that, it was like a 1500 seat theater and he's like turning his back to the crowd every three

Starting point is 00:47:25 minutes. Yeah, I couldn't believe it. Yeah. I remember seeing a guy years ago, this is about turning the back on the audience. He would walk on stage with a big boom box, right? And put it on the stool behind him. Oh, God, here we go. Radio Raheem, one of my favorites.

Starting point is 00:47:38 Well, you think he's going to be playing music. He was just taping his own act. That was his tape recorder. That's hilarious. You know, the little front part that comes out, he'd have a cassette in there. What year is this? That's hilarious. It was in the 80s.

Starting point is 00:47:53 Okay. It's at the comic strip in Portland. The sister club of the one in New York. So we'd go on stage, put this big giant boom box down, press play and record, turn around, do his act. He had to do more than a half, you know, he had to do 45 minutes. Sure. He never referred to it. At the 30 minute mark, he must, I don't know how he knew, he

Starting point is 00:48:13 would stop, turn around, because the tape was only 30 minutes. Oh my God. He'd eject it, he'd undo it and flip it, put it back in, press play and record, turn back around around and finish his act and never mention what he did or that that was behind him That's hilarious. This guy is a wedding DJ Guys the father saw their father daughter dance. Hold on Dude what the hell and then he'd finish his set and walk off with his Wow. That's crazy. That is committed Yeah, I guess. Do you listen to, is that how you write?

Starting point is 00:48:46 Do you listen to your sets? At that club where I started, I tape every show. I don't listen to every show. I used to listen to every show, but then it was torture. Now I'll only listen if I know there's something new or different that I want to go find. Same, same. So the club where I started,

Starting point is 00:49:02 I would have a little tape recorder. I didn't want to bring it on stage. I didn't want to be the boombox guy. If I put it in a booth off to the side that the comics would sit in. Oh no. I already have a bad feeling about this. Yeah. Oh no. So I had it up here, like behind where you would sit. They introduced me. As they introduced me,

Starting point is 00:49:21 they seat people in that booth. So they're there watching my act. I'm new. I've got a tape recorder behind me. They don't know that that's there. I did a joke. It got no laugh and I hear this guy go, oh, brother. In the crowd or? The guy right next to the table? The comic, right? No, no, no, no. It was an audience.

Starting point is 00:49:48 They actually stat with audience movies. Oh, brother is great. It's not me. It's not like this guy sucks. It's oh, brother. Oh, brother. Like that was so bad. I'm taking it back.

Starting point is 00:49:56 I've never written a joke that was going for an oh, brother. Oh, brother, where are you at? But I wrote one. Man, that's tough. Oh, no, go ahead. Well, I'm just going to go ahead and say that. I had never written a joke that was going for an oh brother. Oh brother, right? But I wrote one. Man, that's tough. Oh no, go ahead. Well, I'm just going to say the worst thing I ever heard was you're bombing, you're bombing,

Starting point is 00:50:12 whatever. I'll take it, you suck, fuck you, kill yourself. These two older ladies in the front row are at a two top and they go, it's dead silence in the room after my joke. She goes, this is bad. I heard, and she was trying to whisper to her friend, which made it even worse. It's dead silence in the room after my joke. She goes, this is bad. I heard, and she was trying to whisper to her friend which made it even worse. Because if you say you suck, I can go, hey, kill you,

Starting point is 00:50:31 you know, fuck you, but with the old ladies, I was just like, that's just how they feel. Yeah. I had one at the cellar recently. I was having a really good set, but there was these two women up front who just hated me. And I was like, maybe I'm in my head, but then I kind of like, I'm doing really well.

Starting point is 00:50:44 So I'm like, you guys really hate me, and they were just shrugged. I was like, oh, okay, they kinda acknowledge it. Then I was like, whatever. I'm trying to have fun with it, just keep doing the set, goes well, get off, I do another set around the corner, I come back, I see them on the street, and they just go, ugh, it's him.

Starting point is 00:51:01 Oh! I'm not thrilled to see you either. I don't have to tell you. Yeah, exactly. And what am I, a serial killer? I told a couple of singers you don't like. I'm not gonna hurt you on the sidewalk. I'm just walking past you.

Starting point is 00:51:13 Oh, it's him. Yeah. That was the danger though, in comics, like that was the thing, comics just started videotaping their sets and you'd see a camera and you'd get just used to it and you'd be like, man, this guy hasn't written a new one in a while and then you'd see them come off and record you're like, oh boy, hope he doesn't.

Starting point is 00:51:28 Oh, true, true, yeah. But then if you do make the comment and you realize it, then you gotta go back and make more comments and make it look like you knew all along. Yes, yes. You know, I'm busting your job stand. Yeah, that's a scary thing when you see that iPhone rolling and you're like, this guy's a fucking hack.

Starting point is 00:51:50 There's always that moment like, shit, what do we do? You should just delete it. Oh, that's not bad. That's smart. Who were like the comics when you were like, I'm sorry, who were the comics, but like, what was the first thing that really like took you from, you know, selling some tickets to a lot of tickets on the road?

Starting point is 00:52:10 Was it the, was it your first album? Was it the Comedy Central half hour? What was the thing that really? Here to here, level up. There was never that. It was gradual. It was always gradual. Ah, it was always Gradual like I never felt like Wow yesterday was one thing and now today's a brand new kind of thing

Starting point is 00:52:37 The first time I Remember people coming out specifically to see me was at a The first national TV thing I did was the MTV half hour comedy hour. Mm, pull it up. And it was the kind of thing where there was like four comics on the show, you know. Do you remember any of the other comics? I don't. Seems like they did a lot of those.

Starting point is 00:52:57 The HBO young comedians, they did the Rodney Dangerfield comedians thing. Apparently MTV did one as well. So it came out... there you go. Wow. Oh my. We're out for about 20 minutes. I finally went back and said, food ready at driver. I gotta be somewhere. That's totally doing John Fox. Mario Joiner. So I did that show. It came out and then I performed at a club up in Connecticut.

Starting point is 00:53:41 And I remember there was these guys watching me like in the back of the room and I remember them coming up to me and said that they came out specifically to see my show. Like it was the first time that I drew. I drew four people. Wow. So they go, hey, we heard it. Hey, they didn't give you that shit, did they? No, no.

Starting point is 00:54:03 Okay. Wow. That's pretty cool though. The first time people come out to see you is pretty great. So when this came out, it's my first national TV thing. I was living in Queens. I didn't have a TV. I wanted to watch it. A friend of mine's brother lived in New York City and I knew he had a TV, so I wanted to

Starting point is 00:54:22 go watch myself the first time I'm on television. So I go to watch with my buddy's friend. I show up. My buddy's brother isn't even there. His roommate is there. Oh, hilarious. Who knows I'm coming, and I'm like, hi, I'm the guy that wants to watch himself on television. Yeah. Yeah. So, I sat down on the couch with this guy behind me who I don't know.

Starting point is 00:54:52 This comes on and I'm watching myself like I'm on national TV, if you will. The guy behind me didn't laugh one time. Well, he's like, there's some asshole in my house. He's worried about that. So I watched the whole set and then I got up and I said, hey man, thanks for letting me use the TV. And he said, yeah, no problem. He didn't like give me one compliment or anything. Wow. I just left. It was the most awkward experience ever.

Starting point is 00:55:19 Wow. That's wild. I'd be like, how cool are you? This is all you're on TV. Holy shit. Yeah. Because what was it, the late 80s? Yeah. Oh my god, yeah. Did you get recognized off this? Off the half hour thing? Yeah. At the time, that's when things started to, you know, where I started drawing a little bit and...

Starting point is 00:55:38 Wow. I was drawing like four guys at a time. It's so funny how different things were pre-phone and internet. Like you had to really ask people for favors and meet up with strangers. I mean there was so much interaction before. To get booked at comedy clubs, this was, show you how long ago it was, this was before tapes. I would take Greyhound buses. I would perform at a club. I would find out the closest city that had a comedy club because comedy was starting to become a thing Mm-hmm, and I would take a Greyhound bus to that next city and audition and that's how I would get gigs

Starting point is 00:56:14 It's taking Greyhound buses from city. Wow Just all just taking the bus for a maybe just show up for five minutes get on stage And you're auditioning the headline or to feature or what? No, just to open or middle. Wow. I wasn't even headlining at the time. You know, this is just to get booked, period. See, that's the problem with comedy now,

Starting point is 00:56:34 is it's too easy. I feel like, as horrible as that was, I'm sure, it weeded a lot of the non-real comics out. Some guys are like, I like to do comedy. All right, we'll take a Greyhound nine hours to a place you might get on. He's like, all right, fuck this. I'll be a lawyer. A Greyhound to do five minutes in Toledo. Yes, exactly. And sleep on a floor.

Starting point is 00:56:54 Like a country song. Right, right. I did one. I take a Greyhound bus to some city. I do the audition. The person who booked it, this woman said, I'm kind of full up for now, call me in six months. So I call her, I wait six months. See, wait, you took it and you just let. You rode there? I took the Greyhound bus to this city,

Starting point is 00:57:15 she said, I'm booked up for the short term, call me in six months. You didn't explain, like, is there any way I. I rode here. No, no, no, she let me audition. Oh, okay, okay. I'm sorry. So after the audition, she said, I'm booked up for the short, no. She let me audition. Oh, okay, okay. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:57:25 So after the audition, she said, I'm booked up for the short term. Call me in six months. So I call her in six months, and she said, you know what? I'm sorry, I'm already, I booked for the next nine months already. Why don't you call me in nine months after that? So I can't take a hint. You could have had four kids by then. That's like, it's eight pregnancies later.

Starting point is 00:57:47 So I – to the day, nine months – Wow! I call and I said, Hi, this is Brian Regan. I auditioned for you, I remember, a couple years ago and then you told me to call in six months and then you told me to call nine months later. And well, here I am on the phone and she said, �Well, then I guess I lied, okay?� Damn!

Starting point is 00:58:09 She like, �Don�t you get the hint, buddy?� Six months, nine months. Yeah, but why can�t she just say �The hint�? Why can�t she just say, �You�re not right for us?� Correct. That�s my opinion. Yeah. Wow. Even though that would hurt, I�d rather you just say, �I don�t think you�re right for the room.

Starting point is 00:58:25 I'm with her a little. You gotta be, it's like, what do you call a girl? You wanna go out sometime? I'm washing my hair that night. I'll wait. What if she said? I'll condition. No, no, but what if she said,

Starting point is 00:58:33 I'll go out with you in six months? I would've tried the first six months and she goes, give me another nine. I would've gone, you know what, I'm gonna go gay or find another lady maybe. See, me, I would've called her the nine months. How about now? You ready to go to the movies? I guess. Well, good Lord, man. Damn.

Starting point is 00:58:51 Did you get laid ever? Oh my God. You'll get laid in nine months. I had to buy a book on how to take hints. How to take rejection hints. Wow. You see, that's how hard comedy was back then. It was like being a fucking like a singer in a band, you know, but there was four places to do it. It's so bizarre to have your act that you think, you know, you think it's funny, right? You hope, yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:17 You hope and then you stand in front of somebody who's never seen it before and they watch you and it's just like an audience, but it's a booker could love it or they go... Did the set go well? I thought it went well that that's the tough thing is like it is ultimately a booker right you have a you have a good set that's all you can do yeah of course but but I'm saying not to sound like a boomer old foe guy to walk eight miles in the snow but like some kid could put a clip up on YouTube, it'll go viral. He's on Comedy 8 Minutes. Right. So he's like, oh yeah, I'm the king.

Starting point is 00:59:50 I did a show one time, Richard Jennings was the headliner, I was the middle act. Richard Jennings is fantastic. I love him. One of the best. Love him. And it's at a comedy club. After the show, the owner, Richard Jennings and I are standing next to each other. The owner points to Richard Jennings and goes, great set. And then he points to me and goes, and you had a journeyman set. And I said, thank you. And I didn't know what that meant, and I never knew what that

Starting point is 01:00:20 meant. And then about 10 years after that, I was like, I'm gonna look up what that meant. Yeah. Wow. And it meant adequate, but not really more than that. Oh, that sucks. But I'm glad I waited 10 years because I took it as a compliment for 10 years. I'm like, hey, if you're looking for somebody to do the journeyman set, I'm your guy. Yeah, I guess. What a weird thing to say to somebody.

Starting point is 01:00:47 I was told by the journeyman dick once, thank you. Thank you very much. I take that as kind of like, hey, you're younger and you're on your way but you did fine. That's maybe the direction he was going. Okay, okay. But a journeyman like baseball player is a guy who's just like kind of hanging on. Like he's on the games, you know, he's like, but you make a career? You player is a guy who's just kinda hanging on. Like he's on a lot of games, you know? But you make a career.

Starting point is 01:01:07 You're making a career. That's what I was doing at the time. There you go. Hanging on. So he wasn't wrong. No, he wasn't. What was Jenny like? I mean, he's like the most underrated comic never talked about.

Starting point is 01:01:19 Really one of the funniest. Unbelievable performer. He's fantastic. I actually have an album of his that was made after he passed away. I guess it was stuff that he had recorded and some people put it together. It's not produced great because you could hear that it was cobbled together from different shows, but a lot of funny stuff in there. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:40 You got him right there. There he is. He was the man. Oh, I text a bit to Mark and Joe List the other day from Richard Jenney I just heard that killed me about, he said, you know what the difference between Charles Manson, every woman I've ever been in love with is? Charles Manson has the decency to look like a psycho when you first meet him. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He had a lot of great shit though. Oh yeah, and he could perform. He was big. He had a whole bit about when NFL referees first started using microphones, because prior

Starting point is 01:02:10 to that, you know, they would have just to make the signals. And he had this great routine about an NFL ref about to give a penalty and then starting to feel bad that he's judging these guys and he's like, you know, who am I to judge these guys? Is my life perfect? No, and then he goes like, does this self-introspection thing. He does like three minutes of him even lying on the ground

Starting point is 01:02:33 at the football going, you know, I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life. It's just really great. He had that great joke about him and his wife were trying to do anal. And he's like, for some reason, every time I do anal with my wife, she looks like Elvis.

Starting point is 01:02:46 Hoo, ha, ho, thank you very much. I come back. That's so good. So silly. So silly, so simple, but, and he's so good at the movements too. You can pull that one. He had it all.

Starting point is 01:02:59 I mean, he had all the tools that you want as a comic. Good jokes, good performer, just everything. Yeah. Woo, still laughing about that one. Was there anyone else you opened for coming up that you were like, shit, this guy is legit? Gosh, now I'm going to blank, but there's a lot of comics out there who became like road comics in the sense that they weren't really pushing necessarily to do anything interesting or creative you know the kind of stuff that audiences

Starting point is 01:03:31 would laugh at that didn't necessarily come off as unique to the comedy world. You didn't have to think too much like the Bill Hicks fan. Right. You know but you you I don't want to make you uncomfortable again but you're a squeaky clean comic and would you ever have a guy going before you and he's just doing a whole bit about skull fucking or something? Dennis, my brother Dennis. When I first started, I thought the philosophy was you should learn to follow anything. So I always,

Starting point is 01:04:07 I never requested to work with clean comedians, you know, it's like whatever I followed, I followed and I would just do my best. But then it got to the point where sometimes people were coming out specifically to see me and they liked the fact that it was clean. So then I felt awkward having somebody go before me who's filthy when that's not necessarily what these people came out to see. That's fair. So, I would want clean acts in front of me, but I never wanted to censor anybody.

Starting point is 01:04:41 So, I would always tell the club, book somebody who's already clean. You know, like I don't want you to book somebody who doesn't like to work that way and tell them the night they show up, hey, you got to work clean tonight, because I didn't want to do that. So I wanted clubs to book clean acts in front of me, but sometimes the clubs would just book some but anybody and then that night they would tell them and I would tell some guys would go on stage with a chip on their shoulder because they were told 15 minutes before the show started that they're supposed to work clean and I'm like, well, that's not what I asked for.

Starting point is 01:05:16 Right. He's trying to work a clean bukkake joke. He's like, let me just fucking. Yeah. I could say this instead of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was your reasoning for going clean? I mean, it's like, it's just a smart choice

Starting point is 01:05:31 when you're starting out, but like I wish I had that inclination sometimes. It's a difficult choice. Yeah, it's way harder to turn out material like you do clean. Yeah. It was never, when I first started, I wasn't completely clean,

Starting point is 01:05:44 but I was always 95% clean just because that's how I think comedically. Come on, everybody thinks buttholes are funny and blowjobs. Exactly. Me too. You never had a blowjob joke where you're like, oh! No, I did. I'm saying it was 95% clean.

Starting point is 01:06:01 Oh, okay. I had 5% of my act was, you know, dirty stuff. And the reason I went 100% was just because of being meticulous, not because of – it wasn't like a statement, like, wow, I think clean is better. I'm like, I wonder what it would feel like to just do a whole show without saying certain words or going in certain directions. Because I enjoy it. Yeah. Challenging, you know, for the fun of it, you know? See how hard I can get people laughing without

Starting point is 01:06:34 this, that, or the other. And I just started enjoying it. But it was never a... I never did it to get a larger following or... No. You know, like, it just, but it does happen to have that benefit. Yeah. But that's not why I did it. Well, Seinfeld said a similar thing.

Starting point is 01:06:53 He basically said, I had a joke where I said, fuck, before the punch line, it would kill. One day I said, let me take the fuck out and it didn't kill. And he's like, well, I'm a fraud. And then let me just see if I can keep going that way because then I'll have to actually make the joke funny instead of using the fuck and I totally respect that. Marshall Dennis Wolfberg, great comedian, used to have a joke in his act where he was a teacher before he became a comedian and he said that his name is Wolfberg and he would have students yell out, �Hey, Wolfshit!� and that was the punch line and he would go, �No,

Starting point is 01:07:29 it's Wolfberg.� He had a very weird delivery. And then he did that joke on The Tonight Show and he couldn't say, �Wolfshit.� He changed it to, �Wolfbutt.� I saw him do the show on The Tonight Show. He said, �Wolfbutt� instead of Wolfshit and it didn't get a laugh. And I saw the look in his eyes like that's supposed to kill. And that was another reason at the time where I was like, I don't ever want to get to a point where I can't take anything that I do and not put it on TV, like if I got lucky enough to do TV spots.

Starting point is 01:08:04 So that was another reason why I decided to go Clean. Another good reason. Norm MacDonald says Clean Comedy is more impressive. That is his opinion. Well, I don't. Norm MacDonald is a genius. Yeah, it's harder. I try not to go that far with it,

Starting point is 01:08:20 because there are plenty of comedians out there who are dirty or blue or whatever you wanna call it who I think are brilliant. Totally. So to me it's just different. It's not better, it's just different. Yeah. It's a different way of doing comedy. Yeah, we have genres in music.

Starting point is 01:08:38 We have genres in comedy. Exactly. I mean, I wanna ask you this. Are you the first comic who did the live special? Because I feel like now a lot of other guys are getting the credit, but you did a live TV special before I remember that. I did the first live one on Comedy Central.

Starting point is 01:08:53 Yeah. But I believe, I believe Seinfeld had done a live special on HBO. Really? Telling you for the last time? That was live? Yes. I don't know if that was live.

Starting point is 01:09:04 Well, I don't know if that was the one Well I don't know if that was the one but I believe he did a live special before I but I was the first one to do it on Comedy Central. Well we have Google. That is crazy that you so you did it with commercials? With one commercial. Oh okay. I didn't want any commercials. They wanted to do a commercial break. Kind of hard to explain, but I didn't want there to be a five-minute break in the middle of my show for the audience. Right, right. So, the first 30 minutes... I told the audience before I started, I said, listen, there has to be a five-minute commercial

Starting point is 01:09:43 break. I didn't tell them I had to MC and bring it to the audience. So I'm going to finish a joke at the 30-minute mark. I'm going to take a sip of water. I'm going to put it down. Then I'm going to take another sip of water and put it down, and then come back and get right into my act. So the second 30 minutes of the live special was delayed by five minutes. I didn't want the audience to sit there for five minutes and then come back live. So I just went right back into it and they just held that by five minutes. Got it, got it. So you didn't sip of water for five minutes? No. Okay, because you got it.

Starting point is 01:10:19 No, I wanted it to help in the editing in the down road. So I took a sip, took another sip, and I did that for editing purposes. Gotta earn the sips. Yeah. Now wait a minute, what do you got here? This aired live on HBO. There you go. You were right.

Starting point is 01:10:37 Wow. That was Seinfeld doing a live special on HBO. Wow, that was unheard of. And that was after doing the TV show for years, and he said this is the hardest thing He's ever done in comedy. It was It was the hardest thing I ever did as well. Really? It was a laser pointer on his head for a little bit. I remember that Because it was live and they couldn't stop it. So there was a little laser pointer on his head

Starting point is 01:11:01 Yeah during that live special. He also got heckled. Fuck him with him. Yeah. Fuck him with him, that's hilarious. And then it stopped, they caught the guy obviously. He also got heckled two or three times and handled it all pretty well. Like he zinged him back and got a huge laugh. And pretty impressive for live.

Starting point is 01:11:18 I would be like, you got me. I can't think of anything, it's live. It's probably the most nervous I've ever been performing. What was your decision to do it? Because I had done specials before, and I wanted to experience it. I had to see what it was like to give it a go, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:11:39 I don't think I'll do another one. I mean, I'd knock one out. Because if you do screw up, my fear obviously was somebody heckles, somebody does something, you screw up and there's no fixing it. Yeah. It went out. Well, I mean... And then you're gonna live with it forever.

Starting point is 01:11:57 Obviously, out of the famous Chris Rock live special where he was finally gonna get Will Smith back and he had that one flub, but it was live and it's so Devastating to have that big mower. I get the fucking nail this guy who slapped me on TV and then I flub it Yeah, the jokes were still great though. The jokes are great and he's great, but that's a bummer That's tough. It's live is tough. I asked a Rogan Why I was like why why would you do a live one and he said uh, they called me my agent called me and said Netflix wants to give you a live special he goes fuck that what are you crazy I'm not doing that hung up and he was driving home and he's like what am I what am I scared I'm nervous why am I nervous I'm a professional comedian and he goes hang on tell him I'll think about it and then

Starting point is 01:12:39 he did it while he was driving he he had like the old car. I picture him driving in an ice bath just like four wheels. He was strangling an elk, hold on I'll call you back. With the phone like on an ice bath. But yeah, I would not want to do a lot. Yeah, it's not for me. It's the hardest I've ever concentrated, like every word you're trying to nail it. You're trying to enunciate and hit it and hit it and hit it. And it's weird because like we

Starting point is 01:13:18 perform live every time we're doing a show. Yeah. Live and you don't have that fear. That's true. You could flub in front of 300 people, but it's just the magnitude of it with how many people could be watching. But I gotta tell you, it does work,

Starting point is 01:13:31 because I'm always like, live, we'll do a live, and the sign for one I watched with my family in the living room on HBO, that was a huge deal, we were all excited, popcorn, everything. I watched the Chris Rock one live, and I watched the Rogan one live, because I'm just like, I wanna see it, it's live. I didn't see the Rock one live and I watched the Rogan one live because I'm just like, I wanna see it, it's live. It works.

Starting point is 01:13:45 I didn't see the Rock one live only because I saw him in an arena like a month ago. I was like, I've seen it live. I'm already, I'm not gonna experience it in a better way than being in the room and I enjoyed it a lot when I saw it. Yeah, yeah, it's great, great, special. But all the press, like you know,

Starting point is 01:14:03 you do press leading up to it, and that was always what people wanted to talk about. Are you worried about something screwing up? Are you worried about there being a problem? You're worried about being an issue? And I'm like, I'm kind of hoping that it goes well and that it's just a good comedy show. It's almost like people are looking for something to go off the rails. I think you're right. It's a like people are looking for something to go off the rails. I think you're right.

Starting point is 01:14:25 It's a NASCAR vibe. I think that's the excitement of live, I think. That's what it is. I think before you're tuning in, you're just like, something could go wrong. I think that's why they love seeing comics have to manage something fucked up in a crowd. Totally. Because if they know you, they know they like the jokes, but they want to see another gear, I think.

Starting point is 01:14:45 Yeah. Yeah, Bill Burr had that Philly heckle situation and he walked off stage covered in sweat going, well, I just ruined my whole career. That's going to ruin my career and meanwhile, it broke him. Right. So, people like that. The thing I don't like about a situation like that is because then all of the comedy itself, all the stuff that you worked on becomes second-

Starting point is 01:15:08 Secondary. To that moment. I completely agree. So you could do an hour of stuff that you've worked on for a long time, you're proud of it, and then somebody yells something in the middle of it. Even if you deal with it and get a great laugh off it, after the show, that's what everybody talks about. You go, what about the stuff that it put some effort into?

Starting point is 01:15:29 I think the problem with comedy, because music obviously if you watch live, the Beatles at Central Park, you don't want to watch a string pop, you want to watch them kill it. But with comedy, the whole art form is kind of based around quelled fear. Meaning like we're all kind of on the edge of our seat,

Starting point is 01:15:44 is he gonna bomb, is he gonna do well? It's comedy, a big part of it is tension. And I think so if the tension breaks with a live fuck up, I think that's a sight to see. And it is the messiest, like you're not gonna see that anywhere else, like it doesn't seem like anything ever goes wrong at like a Broadway show. Right.

Starting point is 01:16:02 But in like a dingy club, something going off the rails, someone you see on TV, there is something kind of cool about, I don't know, obviously I'd rather just do my hour, but when I fuck around at a show, it's at the end of the show, I wanna do my show, and then I'll be like, all right, now I'll fuck around with you guys. Same, same.

Starting point is 01:16:16 But think about tightrope, you're going, oh man, is he gonna fall? That's the whole enjoyment. You don't care about a guy walking, it's the whole enjoyment of the guy who might fall. He gets to the other side and you go, ah. Yeah, a little bit, I think, a little bit. You go, that was impressive.

Starting point is 01:16:30 You walked on a tight wire, it's tiny rope, but. The most impressive Nathan for you. I don't remember. When he walked a tight wire over the building, that was the most insane shit I've ever seen. Did he do it? He did it, yeah. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 01:16:43 Did it like eight times. You're talking about. You know that guy Nathan Fielder? No. You've never seen. Did he do it? He did it. Oh wow. He did it like eight times. You're talking about you know that guy Nathan Fielder? No. You've never seen Nathan for you? Hilarious show. Oh fuck he's good. It's a brilliant show it's kind of meta. Yeah he trained to do this for a long time. How did I miss that one? Do you stand up? No. He's on TV show kind of like situational. It's phenomenal. Reality show kind of thing.ational. It's phenomenal reality show kind of thing But he actually figured out he did a high wire did it he did it and it with like weird Makeup on his face pretending to be another guy the whole premise of the episode was like he'll find a guy He'll get him to meet a girl. They'll fall in love and he'll pretend it. He'll make this guy the hero

Starting point is 01:17:21 Yeah, so he learned a tight wire. Yeah, pretty brilliant guy. Kind of Andy Kaufman-y almost, I'd say. Yeah. But for the digital space. But yeah, yeah, so you're right. People wanna watch comics fuck up and handle it. What, are you still on the road really hard right now? Yes. it. What uh, are you still on the road really hard right now? Yes, um, with an eye towards, I don't know, uh, when would I want to wrap up? As much as I love doing what I do,

Starting point is 01:17:56 you know, I've been at it a while and um, I still love being on stage doing it. Uh oh, getting nervous. Well, but you know, it's like you also want to get out there and travel the world and do a show. Put a show, do a show in the travel. You go to China, throw a show in. Yeah, that's true. That's true. You can knock it out.

Starting point is 01:18:17 It's also a write-off. Ah ha, the Jew. Slide in there. All right, I'm convinced. All right. Ah ha, the Jew. It's a great sound bite. Ah ha, the Jew. It's a great sound bite.

Starting point is 01:18:27 Aha the Jew. Where do you want to travel? Everywhere, you know. I figured you'd been everywhere doing shows. No, I haven't. You haven't gone international? Shows in Canada. I did one show in London.

Starting point is 01:18:44 Come on. And other than that, I have not performed internationally. Wow, I'm shocked. Yeah. I bet you have a lot of fans over there. You in Australia? Crush. I'd like to perform in Australia but that hasn't happened yet. I'm surprised.

Starting point is 01:19:00 Who's his agent? I took a Greyhound to Australia. I'm supposed to be calling him in nine months. Five minutes in Melbourne. We'll see if you're ready. Call him back in nine months. Oh, well your daughter's in college now and you're doing all right. You're a grown up.

Starting point is 01:19:19 And you live in Vegas? Live in Vegas. My son is also in college. He's in college in Las Vegas. My daughter's in college here in New York. And yeah, I've been in Vegas for like 20 years. Damn. There's no shortage of places to get up on stage. But I don't do it a lot. I mean, I like to – I don't go and do guest sets a lot. Yeah, what's your home life like? Like you just kind of take it easy at home?

Starting point is 01:19:44 I do a lot of crack cocaine. Do you want another drink by the way while we got you here? I don't want to push you there. I know you got to. Oh, you guys? I was hoping for one. You don't have to have one either. I felt you. I saw that empty glass and I saw your leg twitching. The remainder after I get this next drink in, will be all the stuff that goes viral. Ah, well, they wanna see us.

Starting point is 01:20:08 Drunk Brian. They wanna see the car crash. What's a night like at home when you're just chilling? Girlfriend and I hang out. Sometimes at a casino. Oh, put the liquor in first, too, you retard. You can't be, put the liquor in then the booze. It's fine, who cares. All right, all right. the booze. That's fine. Who cares?

Starting point is 01:20:25 All right, all right. Stares at it. Sorry, sorry. I like my drink. I was worried there was going to be like an explosion. I didn't know that it batted one way or the other. Okay, so your son's gay. What was that? Did I? Did I say that? No.

Starting point is 01:20:42 Oh, that's what I heard. No, just chill out, play blackjack, nothing exciting. Okay. All right. Well, hey, you're living the life. That Vegas air though, I don't know how you do it. I grew up in Louisiana, hot as shit. Vegas is hotter than that. Oh, God.

Starting point is 01:21:02 It's like walking on Mars. Yeah, Jews don't do well in the desert, man I crumple up like a fucking race 40 years. I know but it wasn't good. It's a bad 40 years Las Vegas just broke the record For heat with 118 degrees Rays crazy hottest it's ever been and yeah, since they've been recording it yikes. How do you I mean? Yeah? I'm sure you got a sick place. I mean, you just gotta stay out of that. I mean, it's crazy.

Starting point is 01:21:27 All you need is air conditioning and you're good. Don't they have good taxes there? Isn't that a Vegas thing? A lot of people move from California to Nevada because there's no state tax. There it is. All right, that's nice. And Florida, that's why all the athletes live in Florida. Bagger Woods and all those guys, they like to live in Florida.

Starting point is 01:21:46 My understanding is there's no state tax there. Okay, good to know. But I would think if you're Tiger Woods. Thank you. How much, thank you so much. If you're making $100 million, say, in a year, do you need to save another four million from state taxes? Like I never understood. I hear you. I think if you're that rich that you just find a way

Starting point is 01:22:11 to like wherever you're living. You're like wherever I live will be sick. I know but you're just like I'll make Florida sick. I'll make it great you know. I'm with you. I'm not leaving New York but I get that mindset too you know. I will say though you see that tax chunk missing and you're like, god damn, that's a lot of moolah. Cheers by the way, Brown Dress. Hey guys. Yeah, no peer pressure.

Starting point is 01:22:33 Appreciate you guys having me on the, what's the cool way of saying it? The cast? Pod. The pod? Yeah, you had it back. Can I ask you a question about Vegas? What's a good, cause we go there just for gigs, so what's good non-touristy stuff to

Starting point is 01:22:48 do there? Oh, that's a good question. I saw the first show at the Sphere. Whoa! Who, is that U2? U2. Is it amazing? Unbelievable.

Starting point is 01:22:59 Wow! I feel like that's a touristy thing though, right? The Sphere? Yeah, but I wanted to go check it out. I've actually, I saw U2 twice there. Not that I'm a big U2 fan, but I just like to experience what it was like. And the imagery on the walls was incredible. It's crazy.

Starting point is 01:23:16 What was, the first night, I was telling people the only thing that wasn't necessary that night was the band U2. Because they just, you're just looking at the walls the whole time. And the second time I went about a month later U2 was still performing there, but they had already changed it. I could tell that the band was like, all right, enough with the stuff on the walls. Right, right. I mean, they still have it, but there were plenty of songs where the focus was on them

Starting point is 01:23:45 and then they would just put them up on the wall. I kind of like that. It was more, it was back to, this is still a concert. Right, wow. You know, it's not like going to the movies. There you go. That's incredible. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:23:55 It's really amazing. I would like to perform there and if I was bombing, I'd go, just look at the walls. Get it off me. That's insane. They say though the venue is actually more of a show than the show. Well that was kind of my experience. Wow, that's cool. Yeah Vegas, Vegas I'm going in two weeks. You don't do that wise guys? You don't pop over there? There's a new one, new club.

Starting point is 01:24:20 I've been there, no. What if I was doing a set? Would you want to do a guest set between my two 45s? When you flip your cassette around, I'll do five while you're flipping your boombox. Do you guys perform out there? Yeah, he just did the win. I did the win. It was really good. It was really fun. Yeah. I did the Mirage ones, but that's gone now, isn't it? It's closing up. I did the Mirage It was really good. It was really fun. Yeah, I did the Mirage once but that's gone now, isn't it? It's closing up. I did the Mirage with Ray Romano. That's cool. That's a good show. And

Starting point is 01:24:51 Now I perform over at the Venetian. I've heard the Venetian is awesome. Yeah, it's it's pretty cool It's a it's a good setup for comedy. I mean it wasn't designed the room I'm in isn't designed for comedy but it works great. I assume you're out of you're outside of the town a little. What do you mean? Like you're not on the strip. You're living not you're you're living. About 20 minutes from okay perfect yeah. Will you ever go to that pawn shop? Pawn stars? I've never been in there. Alright. When people when friends and family come out they always want to go there and I'm like what the hell? I've watched more hours of that

Starting point is 01:25:25 show than my own family. What about the Golden Steer? Is that place awesome? Yeah. I gotta go there. What about Circus? You know that the Pawn Stars thing. Yeah. You know that they just pumped that guy with all that knowledge information. Nobody knows all that stuff off the top of their head. I know right. You know like they hand him like a sword. Yes. And he's like, you know, this is a 1907 sword. It was used in France. Exactly. You don't know that off the top of your head.

Starting point is 01:25:54 He knows everything. He memorized his little thing. Well, he fooled me because I'm like, this guy's amazing. He's a wealth of knowledge. Also on that show, they always go, hey, here's an old jewelry box from the 1500s or whatever, and he goes, all right, what do you wanna do? You wanna pawn it or you wanna sell it? The guy, no one has ever said pawn it. Not one person has said pawn it.

Starting point is 01:26:13 Of course they wanna sell it. They wanna get a bunch of cash and get the fuck out and go buy heroin. They don't wanna pawn anything. No one's coming back to pawn. One thing that apparently people enjoy television-wise that I don't enjoy at all is watching the bartering. I don't know why. It makes me uncomfortable. You just, you watch a guy go, I'll give you a, I'll give you $2,000.

Starting point is 01:26:35 Yeah. No, no, no, I want, I want $5,000. All right, I'll give you $2,500. No, I want $4,000. What kind of television is this? I'll give you $3,000. No, how about $2,500. Now I want $4,000. What kind of television is this? I gave you $3,000. Now how about $3,700?

Starting point is 01:26:49 How about $3,200? How about $3,250? Well the worst one is- Why is anybody watching this? And then they get personal. They're like, it was my mom's necklace. She died to fire. I watched every second of it.

Starting point is 01:27:04 And they're like, all right, I'll give you an extra $4. Or whatever. It's so fucking, I can't, what's the next show gonna be? Bank Teller? It's fucking awful. I can't, every time I come home and my girlfriend's got Bravo on too, I'm like, turn the, please turn the shit off.

Starting point is 01:27:17 It makes you dumber. Even his background noise, I can't take it. I'm with you. I'll open a book, I'll read the Koran. I can't do it. I can't read anymore, man. It's hard. I can't read, but I just,

Starting point is 01:27:28 there's so much that you can just watch that it's hard for me to sit down and read. My attention span, it's so challenging. It's hard, man. Flights are one of the best places to do it because there's just no, there's no other distractions really. You can kind of just zone out.

Starting point is 01:27:44 Yeah, totally. On a flight. Yes, but even then, I'll just put headphones on. I know. It's so hard. Last thing I'll say about Pawn Store is, that's really hard. Why do, you know they have to have like a plot going

Starting point is 01:27:59 with these four idiots in the back. They're like, oh, we need a story. All right, you stepped on his foot. You're mad about it. He's pissed. And now you're going to prank him. Just keep it at the pawn shop. These are the least talented people on the planet, these four guys. I do not need a plot line and a story arc with these tards. So as far as reading on a plane, I'm on a flight one time, guy next to me has a Sunday newspaper, you know how big that is, right? He's got the whole giant thing.

Starting point is 01:28:32 Yes. He's working his way through it, boom, boom, boom, boom. I'm over here with my headphones on, I have nothing in front of me. He finishes his newspaper and goes, here, I thought you'd like to read the paper. Whoa! And I said, thank you, realizing he was giving me his trash. Ah! Ha ha ha!

Starting point is 01:28:54 And I fell for it, and now I've got this big, giant, stupid newspaper all over my lap. I didn't wanna read any of it. Of course. And I went, this guy played me, man. All I had to do was go, no thank you. You keep your stupid newspaper. Wow.

Starting point is 01:29:09 Then he was like, hey, I figured you'd want my protein bar wrapper as well. Yeah, and I'm done with this condom also. Oh, sure. Yeah. But now you have to pretend to kind of read it for half a second. And I had to pretend to read it for a while. Oh, patio furniture is on sale. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 01:29:24 Did you see that part? Yeah. But then you got to stuff it in a while. Oh, patio furniture's on sale. Oh, wow, did you see that part? Yeah, but then you gotta stuff it in that flap after that. I should have stuffed it in his flap. Oh yeah, it's his paper. Also get an iPad, you Amish weirdo. You're still doing the post. I will tell you, I kinda like something about an actual magazine now or newspaper or something.

Starting point is 01:29:44 I don't know, cause I look at the Kindle or whatever, it's like another thing to charge. I know, I know. I just look at another fucking charger. I agree. Charging everything, I got my computer, my phone, my fucking headphones, my dildo, yes. All of it.

Starting point is 01:29:57 Yeah, yeah, no I'm with you. My second bigger dildo, I have multiple dildos I bring on the road. You know what's really sad is they gave a magazine to like two year olds and the kids are touching the pictures and trying to swipe them in the magazine and you're like, oh, we're doomed. We are fucked. They think it's a digital screen.

Starting point is 01:30:16 They don't understand. That's amazing. Scary. That's hilarious. You know what gives me hope though? And now we're getting off into, I've had a drink and a half I'm glad we're at the hopeful part. Okay, you know things are good around the corner Okay, you watch a movie two two hopeful things you watch a movie the whole movie has not one cell phone in it You never notice I think that's a good sign. I think that's a good sign that we don't really need them

Starting point is 01:30:43 They're not that much of a part of our, they're not like a hand. You know, if a hand is missing in a guy in a movie, you go, that guy's missing a hand. Guy has no phone, you don't notice it. Two, you never dream with your phone. You never in a dream going, right?

Starting point is 01:31:00 That's a good sign too. Part of the dream. Part of the dream. Is that you're on your phone. Never. Yeah, but you might be on your deathbed just like, you know. That's true. Right before. It's never part of the dream. Part of the dream. Is that you're on your phone. Never. Yeah, but you might be on your death bed just like, you know. That's true.

Starting point is 01:31:08 Right before you die, those are your last thoughts. Fuck. I got two retweets, come on. Damn it. What would your last emoji be? Like if you knew you were dying, I assume they have a tombstone or something. Yeah, true.

Starting point is 01:31:20 And so instead of your final words, you have your final. Tweet. Your final tweet. You know what, I hope your doctor says You might die in six months, but but we'll try getting nine Oh, can I give you a quick movie wreck? Oh, please. I got a quick one for you Shut up bill burr

Starting point is 01:31:37 For tell me to watch this movie from the 70s called straight time with Dustin Hoffman It's fucking awesome awesome Awesome movie. Straight Time. Harry Dean Stanton's in it great. Like every good party is on the list. It's like a, you know, he's fresh out of prison. It's a cool movie. Hell yeah. It's really good.

Starting point is 01:31:55 All right. Check it out, man. Really fun, yeah. Oh, look at that. Is that a Schrader or who directed it? He co-directed it. What? I guess he directed it for like two weeks

Starting point is 01:32:05 and then was like, fuck this, and someone else came in. No, it's a cool one. Yeah, every time Harry Dean Stanton shows up in a movie, I'm like, fuck yes, this guy rules. Totally. Another great movie. Yeah, please. Porky's Three.

Starting point is 01:32:18 I love it. Yeah. Is that a goof? Does it sound like a goof? Yeah, it does, yeah. Did they even make a three? Does it sound like a goof? Yeah, it does. Yeah port did they make a three? He's revenge that kid had weird tits that the nerd kid in the movie Look at that. I mean, that's that's rough. It's off put he's got beat up. Now. What do you think about pork? All right, I take it all back right in good wreck

Starting point is 01:32:43 Whoa, look at that. I don't remember that scene. Oh, that's Revenge. I haven't seen Revenge. I will watch that tonight and jerk off. Okay. Well, remember when a tit in a movie was a tit in a movie? Those days are over.

Starting point is 01:32:56 Yeah. It's just not that big a deal anymore. Now, now I'm watching a Pixar. A drive-in movie about, I don't know, a mile away from our house, but the family next door had a tree with a tree house in it, and we would go over there and climb the tree and get in the tree house with binoculars and we could watch the R-rated movies a mile away with binoculars. Even with binoculars it was like this big. Yeah. Wow!

Starting point is 01:33:21 And we're not supposed to be doing this! Yeah, and when you're done with the movie you can hang the binoculars on your bon Yeah. Wow. Man, we're not supposed to be doing this. Yeah, then when you're done with the movie, you can hang the binoculars on your boner. Right. There you go, a little stand. Well, yeah, it looks like you're touring here. Where else are you going to be? Well, I don't know.

Starting point is 01:33:38 I'm in Eau Claire. I don't know if that's up there. That's tomorrow night. Oh, that's – Oh, you guys are up moving ahead there. Oh, that's, we'll be out. What is it, week? Oh, you guys are up moving ahead there. Yeah, I got some shows. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 01:33:49 Wheeling, West Virginia, Munhall, Pennsylvania. Munhall is near Pittsburgh. Yeah, right outside. We got Hershey. Gotta check out that Chocolate Factory. We got Philly, October 18th. See Brian in Baltimore, Maryland.

Starting point is 01:34:03 The Hippodrome. Oh, nice. Charlottesville, Virginia, Boston, classic. Wilba. Oh yeah, one of the best. Gardner, Maine. Binghamton, which is where my mom and dad were born. Oh, and they got the hell out of there and went to Florida. That's what they did.

Starting point is 01:34:20 Smart. Niagara Falls, Albany, all over, yeah. I mean, go to, is it brianreagan.com? Yes. brianreagan.com, see Brian on the road, one of the best guys. One of the best. I'll see him. Thank you, guys.

Starting point is 01:34:32 Living legend. I just, right now, I got a big tour coming in January, late January, but yeah, I'm doing Spokane, Washington in October 24th through 26th, and then I'm doing Hilarities in Cleveland November 21st through 23rd, but I think we're doing a theater tour starting in, I wanna say late January.

Starting point is 01:34:52 I will be coming everywhere, so just go to my website. It's gonna be fun. Samorail.com or punchup.live slash Samorail, punchup.live slash Mark Norman for his dates. And yeah, I'm hitting like every city, so just go check it out. Mark, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.live, punchup.liveie, Tourington Connecticut, never heard of it, Charleston, Asheville, NOLA, Wilkes-Barre, and Englewood. When he just farted, that's a bad fucking fart. Really?

Starting point is 01:35:34 That's a, oof, it's gonna hit you in a sec. I can't wait. All right, well thank you. You guys ever do shows together? No, not really. Yeah, we could give it a go somewhere, it'd be fun. We could, people are doing that now. Do a show together, do a podcast on the stage,

Starting point is 01:35:48 people would eat it up. Yeah, something like that. I don't love doing live podcasts, you don't either, right? I mean, it's work, but I do have another pod, we do them pretty often. Yeah, with lists. Yeah, we just do them in clubs and do an hour, you get your check, you high five for your people,

Starting point is 01:36:06 and you bail. It's nice you don't have to prepare. Like with this you gotta have an act, you know, with stand up. With pods, you can just go up and bullshit, and that's kinda nice. Well anyway, thanks for coming man. No.

Starting point is 01:36:20 Come on. I would not be able to talk for more than five minutes. Well you just did it. Yeah, you got a million stories. No, I would not be good at it. I admire people who do podcasts. I could never do it. You have a guest on.

Starting point is 01:36:36 You get your Vegas out, you do your crack, and you're good to go. Yeah, you throw in Porky's Revenge, you just riff, you let the good times roll, man. I can't, I don't know. I mean, I'm wired as a stand-up and the podcast world came along after I'd been doing it for a while. I really do admire people who do it, like you guys, but I don't know that I would have

Starting point is 01:36:59 anything to say. I don't. All right, well, you got a full head of hair. I would have a – I'll do my podcast, Full Head of Hair Regan, and it'll be one minute long. Have like a one-minute podcast. That's not bad. Right. I like that. Hey, how you doing? Brian Regan here. I got a full head of hair, and I'm going to be

Starting point is 01:37:22 in Eau Claire Tuesday. Thanks for listening in and we'll see you tomorrow on the One Minute Podcast. Well, that's all I need to come. That was like 20 seconds. See? I want 40 more seconds. See? That's why I can't – I wouldn't be able to fill the other 40 seconds. When the hair go white, what happened? You see something?

Starting point is 01:37:40 Gray. Gray. I had gray hair for many years, but I was coloring it. Like I went prematurely gray. Oh, I didn't know that. I went prematurely gray. I don't know what age, but I was coloring my hair for 20, 30 years. I don't know.

Starting point is 01:37:59 What? Like in my early 40s, I think. Wow. I started going gray. I had no idea. But I hated it, you know? Yeah. I had to color my hair. It looks cool. And during COVID, I'm like, I'm not coloring my hair. And then when shows started opening up, I'm like, I'm not coloring my hair for these shows. And then

Starting point is 01:38:17 I'm like, I like it. It looks cool. I thought maybe this would grow in brown. The same color. Yeah, yeah. I remember the first special with the white hair. We were all like, shit, did he see us ghost? I mean, what happened? But yeah, you're in the Steve Martin Club. Yeah. Yeah, well go see Brian, one of our faves. And drink Bodega Cat, guys.

Starting point is 01:38:40 League on New York right now, got distribution. See us on the road. And if you wanna get this, I don't know, DM the Bodega Cat Instagram or something or? Yeah, we gotta get it back in stock. Yeah, no, we're back in stock. Oh, we are, okay. That's our whiskey.

Starting point is 01:38:55 Yeah, we sell it. It's our hooch. So if you need any- We should have been doing this. Well, we wanted Woodford. We don't wanna, you know. Woodford's- I would have done this if I had known.

Starting point is 01:39:04 Next time, come back on, we'll drink Bodega Cat. I'll have you back in six to nine months. We don't want to, you know. Woodford. I would have done this if I had known. Next time, come back on. We'll drink with Davey Kat. I'll have you back in six to nine months. You don't need us. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Thanks for listening, guys. We've got another message. Video.

Starting point is 01:39:14 Oh. I'll answer the thing. Literally just got in? Wow. We'll see. That'd be funny if it was Santino. Oh, we gotta put that one in. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 01:39:28 Sammy, Mark. Look at that apartment, wow. We might be drunk. Congratulations on 200th episode. That's crazy. Hopefully your livers can last for the next 200. Let's go. Hell yeah. Let's go. Hell yeah, short and sweet. And I hope Edelman never smokes weed because his eyes are already tiny.

Starting point is 01:39:51 Actually, he was high. But look at that apartment. That's a fucking bachelor. I got to swing by. Is that in New York? LA. Oh, I was going to say, wow, that's a beauty. Love the wood walls.

Starting point is 01:40:04 All right, thanks guys. Love the wood walls. Alright, thanks guys! I got wood walls. And wood balls. Alright. Hey Sam, hey Mark, it's Rick Glassman, and Alvin and I just wanted to say... Congrats on 200 episodes! That's right, good boy!

Starting point is 01:40:17 Hey, um, in post, make the dog's mouth open up and down and have him say, Happy 200th episode! Oh, fuck, how do I turn this thing off where's the fucking Sunday's the day for my next offender I've been a peevarack you know the future's close I've had a little too much burping and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope and I get down in the same way

Starting point is 01:40:44 Up on the roof like a cop's comin' And naked Samuel is feelin' dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true

We Might Be Drunk - Ep 200: Brian Regan & Woodford Reserve

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