We Might Be Drunk - Ep 201: Ms. Pat & Rosebud Baker

Starting point is 00:00:00 Music Lead back, I'm worried about you. What are you worried about? Your posture here? You're even church pewing it all night. Because when I lean all the way back I look fat. I look fat sitting forward. You're not fooling anybody. Come on. What are we doing? What are we doing? Jesus Christ. I didn't mean it like that. I just mean come on

Starting point is 00:00:26 Hey, we got this Pat now That's a photo I'm here with an asshole with autism Touch of the tism That's quite a rock you got on you sister. Look at that. Yeah, that's new. We engaged last time or man I've been mad for 30 some years. Oh, we're bad listeners He did a fucking thing over here with me. Okay, you got me him. Can you got me confused with your own? It's hot fucking sprinted here We got the AC cooking. It's cold in here to me. I'm hot. I'll get you a jet. You want a blanket?

Starting point is 00:01:04 No, I want a blanket Let me look bigger Want it you want to drink should we do a drink we got her a diet coke she's off the sauce she's pregnant I'm a whole ain't got no damn babies. I Do Seth Meyers you can't drink She wants to be sharp Really a lightweight, huh? I wish I was like I'll have one if you want to do one. I'll have one. I do a umbrella sour, but I can't make it myself You don't have to make it with we got everything

Starting point is 00:01:44 No, all right. We got no have no de Sirona, so I can't drink it myself. You don't have shit to make it with. We got everything. You got any more ice out? Nope. All right, we got nothing. You don't have no DeSarono, so I can't drink it. DeSarono on the rocks. Yeah, it'll give me a headache with anything. No, we don't want to beer break it. We got a corner. No, no, don't, if you're going on, we don't have to.

Starting point is 00:01:55 Yeah, that's enough. That's just enough for me. You're good, you're good. What do you want of that? I don't know. Come on. This is technically your birthday episode, even though this is coming out like a month

Starting point is 00:02:06 later so. True, true. Your birthday today? Tomorrow. Oh, happy birthday. How old will you be? 41. Oh, sorry.

Starting point is 00:02:14 What do you think? Black don't crack? I don't see no black. Hey, you should see me pants. I definitely see some cracks. All right. How many kids you have now? Four. same as last time apparently I don't know one died What the fuck?

Starting point is 00:02:32 World out there They all He ain't got a bill fucking saying do you have kids? Oh, we got one on the way wife's pregnant. Mm-hmm Yeah, lations put that in your pipe and quiff on it Do you have kids? Oh, we got one on the way, wife's pregnant. Mm. Yeah. Congratulations. Put that in your pipe and queef on it. Very exciting. I can't imagine you having sex, Norm.

Starting point is 00:02:53 But Mark, well. I'll send you a video. No. He comes in his wife, comedy. Comedy. Comedy. He forgets to pull out, you're going to kill. He's like when he fucks he constantly apologizes. I'm so sorry.

Starting point is 00:03:09 That's true. I'm so sorry. Do you apologize during sex a lot? Eh, only if it's the wrong person. But yeah, but I gotta tell you she was on the IUD, got that puppy removed, pregnant a week later. So I got some real super sperm here hate the IUD oh I loved it but it's but in that pee hole it pricks on you a little bit

Starting point is 00:03:30 pee hole that's true it's not fun you know no I never got an IUD sir I got my toons tied whoa old school so I didn't nice job Pam I didn't I didn't use Burke and when it happened if the bar was over there this whole place is falling apart. We got Salak use on camera the hell's happening here You didn't use birth control. No if I didn't want him I killed him I kept him. All right, that's fair. Yeah, what'd you do throw him in a well? No, I go I took my medication slip and got him chopped up, man. Wow. It's called an abortion. Yeah, I paid for a few. That was pretty specific though.

Starting point is 00:04:08 Yeah. The chopped up part could have just said abortion. We're gonna go into graphic detail. Well, that's pretty much what they do to them, turn them into ragu. Ragu. Yeah. You don't see that in the Italian menu though.

Starting point is 00:04:22 Yeah. A little dead fetish ragu. Yeah. You'd be surprised. Somebody the Italian menu though. A little dead fetish ragu. You'd be surprised. Somebody shot some ragu all in you. Make those kids goo. Jew? There we go.

Starting point is 00:04:35 We're both chopped up, circumcised. Yeah. The fuck that gotta do with anything? Why you said chopped up? Yeah, we're just having small talk now. You supposed to have, you supposed to be circumcised well That's body shaming there's some people about all the anteaters out there watching what what you know all the Them your granddaddies they like long dicks back in those days long

Starting point is 00:04:59 I could use the blank My buddy got circumcised at 33 because it was getting all use of length but my buddy got circumcised at 33 because it was getting all I don't think so who is it guy Raj right Indian guy damn yeah it was Indian huh I don't know about that but most Indians don't names in here yeah but we could bleep it now you're just giving them work but you got to move the bar back he's got a heavy fucking schedule ahead of him but Indians don't get circumcised anyway, do they no, but he did it later in life just because of the hygiene Hmm. Yeah, I was getting all must nasty I'm like a like when you ever see a bulldog they get dirty but like a cat under the eyelids

Starting point is 00:05:38 You gotta do that with your dick again. Exactly exactly gross You know, you have no clue what the fuck hell talking about clean out the garage every now and then you know Did it did he say it hurt? Oh? Yeah? He had a couldn't bang for two months, but he's ugly anyway Two months is pretty so so why did he get circumcised? He probably wasn't getting anything before it well. It's getting infected Oh, man. Oh, he could have just put his dick. It's up a rock side and say Well those little barber jars Dip it in oh yeah, Barbasol. Yeah

Starting point is 00:06:14 No, that's for your hair. Yeah, I know it's going for Going for funny visual yeah What the fuck y'all got no type of high genes? What the fuck? Y'all ain't got no type of high jeans. You're sticking your dick in no barber's eye. I know, it was a joke. I'm worried about your back here. What happened? You got to lean back.

Starting point is 00:06:29 What if we got you some of those beads to lean on? Or the beading beads? I like to sit forward because it makes me look less fat. I'm gonna try that. Yeah. I don't like, when I sit back, my titty go up under my neck. Ooh. And these some little restaurant stools y'all got here.

Starting point is 00:06:43 That's true. Do you not like these? I kinda like them. People have complained about them. I here. That's true. Do you not like these? I kinda like them, people have complained about them. I mean it's nice, but I don't sit back. I like to sit forward. All right. Then I'm top heavy.

Starting point is 00:06:53 Ah, big knobs. What are you working with, a G? Double G? I'm working with a H. An H? H Bob! I've never made it that far in the alphabet. I know right? It go to Z.

Starting point is 00:07:09 No. Pull up a Z. I want to see a Z. What's the? H. Wow. Are those hard to? There's Pat. Hey that looks alright. Are those hard to shop for? No, lame bras, I have them all the time. You just order them. They're hard to find in the store. Are you knocking lamps over at home?

Starting point is 00:07:29 I feel like you let those things loose and you're going to smother the dog. No, usually I just have them hanging. Wow! I don't like bras, so when I'm home, I just take my bra off and go by my business. That's best. Damn!

Starting point is 00:07:42 It's hard carrying them all day. That's a hazard. It's not. Damn. It's hard carrying them all day. That's a hazard. It's not a hazard, it's a bad hazard. Did you ever think about the reduction? Cause some people when they got the big cans they... I don't need a reduction, I just need to go on a diet. So they shrink with the weight loss. Oh really?

Starting point is 00:07:58 Yeah they get a little smaller, not much. It's too bad dicks don't do that. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to gain weight, you gain dick. Yeah. But if you lose weight, you lose. Well, sometimes you just born with no dick. Hey, I mean you can do about it. That's true Cuz you got less buffer so just looks bigger in comparison the way That's all your stuff your stomach is away from over your stomach is not sitting on your penis So they give you more deep to see it really don't help it

Starting point is 00:08:29 It's the same thing What if you work out a lot you like giant quads and your dick probably smaller to being healthy But I think it's cuz you you're banging up against it, but your belly is hitting before the dick See what I'm saying, or can you rest the gut on the back like a shelf? You can. Okay. Men gain one inch of penis length for every 30-50 pounds they lose. Wow, who wrote that? You're a small man. Did you grow anything? I'm talking to you, Mark. Oh, sorry. You're not a head-turner. You know I didn't know which one of them was. There we go. I'm talking to you. Am I a small man? You're the

Starting point is 00:09:11 same as you always been. I haven't gained a pound since high school so yeah my dick is still three inches if that's what you're asking. That's what I knew. But they say that women only feel the first two and a half inches into the vaginal canal. That feels like loser talk right there. That feels like some small dick scientist. Like technically it's only the first two inches. That's when you're having sex with somebody with no ass. Right.

Starting point is 00:09:39 That's in my charter. Yeah, you should come to my side of the hood and they'll let you know what you're working with. Oh, God. I definitely won't go doggy. We're going full missionary. That way I don't have any ass to penetrate. Oh, is missionary like Jehovah's Witness? You know, the traditional you are man on top, we can reenact it no we can not

Starting point is 00:10:07 Good photo op though. That would be nice thumbnail for the episode. I wouldn't mind getting a face full of H's No, that's okay. All right. All right, and then I can do no little curly hair white boy That's gonna be my gift for market is baby showers. Just a picture of him motorboating this pad for market is baby showers just a picture of him motorboating this pet hey you don't like this I got a frame that everything blown up and that's you until the baby that's the bottom it had to be a passing cuz ain't nothing coming out of it chocolate milk on tap no it's a pacify. It don't work anymore Yeah, any tips on child rearing child rearing you know raising Two moms I didn't know you was here. How you doing?

Starting point is 00:11:00 These two white guys yeah, yeah Hey Four kids one new kid baby on the way I'm gonna dick with these two white guys. Yeah. Yeah. Hey. Four kids, one new kid. Yeah. Baby on the way. Baron. Friendly single.

Starting point is 00:11:11 Yeah. No, no relationship, but. Don't have no kids. Am I late? No. No, no. All right, cool, cool. Don't have any kids, they're overrated.

Starting point is 00:11:18 Really? Yeah, you have four of them. Why do you keep doing it? They kept putting them in me. Wait, they? Who are these they? Trans lady? What?

Starting point is 00:11:29 Nothing. My husband and my kids, my first kids father, they're overrated. Back in the day you really needed kids for a good write off of taxes, but Trump ruined all of that. He tucked it, you know, and then y'all probably don't even get earned income credit anyway because you make too much money So it really doesn't unless you just want something to feed and hold and take care of what that's it Is that a daughter? No, oh, sorry. I just assume you guys are all related

Starting point is 00:11:56 I mean they good for making your titties long if you breastfeed Yeah, there you go. Just the tits are just the nipples. What are we talking about? Well, I didn't breastfeed only breastfeed once I only breastfed one of my kids, which is my oldest daughter, but she gay and I think that's why she gay. That's the first thing I put in her mouth with a fucking titty. So I didn't breastfeed anybody else because I didn't want anybody else eating pussy. So I just gave him the bottle. Weirdest QAnon conspiracy ever. You have to be careful what you put in your kids mouths because that's what they gonna grow up sucking on and my daughter have not stopped sucking titties from the dick. Every gay guy suck their dad's dick.

Starting point is 00:12:35 That's true. It's true. Oh they came out with a click in their hand and got confused. You mean that? Clicking? What are you talking about? The click. The click.

Starting point is 00:12:49 The click, whatever you wanna call it. Oh, okay. The man in the boat, the nigga in the ocean. Oh, the click! I said click, the click. I thought you said click too. I was picturing an Adam Sandler movie. Ooh, that was not hard.

Starting point is 00:13:01 I like man in the boat. Man in the boat's good. Panic button. I chose not to breastfeed. I decided not hard. I'm like man in the boat. Man in the boat's good. Panic button. I chose not to breastfeed. I decided not to. Really? Yeah. What was your reason for it?

Starting point is 00:13:10 I just didn't wanna do it. Whoa. I was like, it's too much. It's like every three hours for like an hour. It's a full job. Wow, that is a lot. I was like, I gotta go back to work. So you pump?

Starting point is 00:13:21 No. Formula. You only pump if you breastfeed. Oh. If you don't breastfeed and you take Benadryl for five days in a row all your milk dries up I read it on reddit. I just I found a hack and I was like, I'm just gonna dry it all up because I'm not doing this There you go. It fucking hurts too. Really really know how to suck a titty. Yeah You know people oh I gotta give him what's natural from the body. Well, bitch, you just drunk a whole thing of alcohol. And you want somebody, a healthy baby.

Starting point is 00:13:50 That fucking baby gonna be slow. So just get that baby simulac, the gut poison. What is that, some formula or something? Yeah, that formula, simulac. Infamy, I don't know what the fuck they drink. That was 40 years ago for me. Well, people, you take- Are you breastfed all four? No, only breastfed the gay one.

Starting point is 00:14:08 Nobody else. I stopped that shit early. Plus I was a drug dealer so it's hard to breastfeed while you're standing on the corner selling crack. So I didn't have time for that mother shit. We were just trying to survive. Yeah, you gotta work. Hopefully one of your tits didn't hit the scale. You're gonna miss a way.

Starting point is 00:14:24 What the fuck are you talking about? I'm just saying if you're weighing out the crack, I assume you were dealing crack. Miss way, good Asian drug dealer. You be confusing the shit out of me, I mean Mark McDonald, what the fuck? Norm McDonald. Yeah, that's me.

Starting point is 00:14:42 All right, Yama Nica, take it easy. Not a fuck you did. I just called you Yamanica. Not a fuck you did. Call me no Yamanica. You fake ass out of town. Don't you call me a kid. All right.

Starting point is 00:14:56 We got Jackie Fabulous here, everybody. I ain't no big black bitch. I'm a big light skinned bitch. All right. It's good to see you again. Did you C-sect? Yeah. Oh, so your good to see you again. Did you C-sect? Yeah. Oh, so your body's intact.

Starting point is 00:15:08 You got the tits and the clams. You had a C-section? Yeah, yeah. Me too, I had two of them. Oh yeah? I liked it. I found it very relaxing. Well, you don't have no stomach to fall on top of your C-section.

Starting point is 00:15:17 That's true. So it wasn't hard to heal. Mine was hard to heal. Yeah. The second one was. Right. Yeah, it's tough. I mean, I chose it. I was like, I don't wanna do it the other way,

Starting point is 00:15:26 so it was like scheduled and everything. I didn't have to like go through labor. You didn't want a baby to come through your pussy? No. It's not that bad. I know everybody says that, but I'm like. It's better than a fucking C-section. Why is it better?

Starting point is 00:15:39 Because when C-section, you can have only, I think three in your life. And then they'll tell you not to have no more kids because it's too dangerous. Well, I'm not gonna have anymore. I'm just saying, but vaginal, you can push as many of them bitches out your vagina as you want to.

Starting point is 00:15:53 I don't want to. I don't wanna push one out of my vagina. It's a muscle, so it's gonna stretch as wide as this table. Then it's gonna go back to some of what it used to be. I know, I didn't trust it. I was like, I don't trust it. I feel like everything's gonna fall out. So, is your husband white?

Starting point is 00:16:11 Yeah. That's your problem. You had a black husband, you gonna push that baby out. Oh, my husband got more tic to feel. My hips are already wider. I gotta be honest with you, Pat, you feel different. What? Nothing, nothing.

Starting point is 00:16:24 Well, I'm just saying. The fuck are you talking about? The last one. Feels a little looser in there. I'm joking. We never had sex. It's a joke. I'm trying to figure out, I can't follow him.

Starting point is 00:16:35 He run me fucking crazy. We gotta sit back. You can't even see me. I don't want to fucking see you. Let me try. Oh, here we go. Hey! I got too much ass too.

Starting point is 00:16:43 I haven't got enough seat. Oh, you're fine. Hey, your tits look you. Let me try. Oh here. We go I got too much ass to know you're fine. It's a huge It's crazy got a big you guys got like smaller benches right now. No, no, no, it's the same fucking bitch It's like I sat up last time, but they didn't notice it Let him complain about it. I guess they want me to sit back because you everybody's I'm the biggest I'm just worried about your back. I don't want you to use that support. Well yeah, you looked uncomfortable. I was not uncomfortable.

Starting point is 00:17:07 Oh, well you can sit however you want to sit. I'm balancing myself out. Okay, okay. You know, I'm heavy, top heavy and ass heavy. And I didn't buy it. It's all from restaurants around my town. Cheesecake factory. What do you got here?

Starting point is 00:17:21 No the fuck you don't. You see Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A is the best. Don't fucking put no Cheesecake Factory on me. you got? You know what the fuck you don't. You see Chick-fil-A. Oh okay. Chick-fil-A is the best. Don't fucking put no Cheesecake Factory on me. That's a nice shake, Shakey. You living in LA now, by the way? No, I live in Atlanta.

Starting point is 00:17:34 You still, okay, all right. Yeah, I'm born and raised. But you were in Indy for a while. Indy, yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I left about three years ago. Good. I just did the punchline in Atlanta.

Starting point is 00:17:42 Oh nice. The diner. Yeah. The diner. Yeah, that was my life. I've had some rough nights in Atlanta. Oh nice. The diner. Yeah. The diner. Yeah. I've had some rough nights there. That was rough, yeah. That's a rough walk back to that,

Starting point is 00:17:51 what can't I, whatever the fuck you're in. They were fucking getting up to go do Coke in the bathroom during the show. Wow. You hear that dumb diner register. Because they told me. They were telling me, which is shocking. But I was like, I made a joke about, are you guys going to do Coke? And they were like, yeah. And then I started shocking. But I was like, I made a joke about,

Starting point is 00:18:05 are you guys going to do Coke? And they were like, yeah. And then I started to know, I was like, they for real are doing Coke in the bathroom. Which is a crazy way to do- They make you do three? Three on a Saturday? Yeah, two.

Starting point is 00:18:16 I did three on a Saturday there once. They forced me to, and it was like a long time ago. And the two late shows sold out, and the early show had like 10 people. You know know the one was just moving to the late shows like nah You got to do three eight shit for like an hour for ten people and then was in a bad mood for the rest of The night yeah, yeah terrible. That's crazy talk. There was three in a night shows will fucking They'll kill you. They will to to is rough. I only work Fridays and Saturdays I would not if I would not work a Thursday.

Starting point is 00:18:48 Oh wow, okay. I did a, I had to move something, so I had to go to, what was that at? We did a Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Greenville, South Carolina? Greenville, South Carolina. So I did a Wednesday, a Thursday. Two shows on Friday.

Starting point is 00:19:02 Was it two or three? Three shows on Friday, because I had to leave for Saturday to go somewhere in LA. And when I tell you, I was like, people can y'all please stop buying goddamn tickets, y'all about to kill me. I walked out there so fucking tired,

Starting point is 00:19:16 with all that fish grease in the back, and that little bitty ass room, and them country ass people. I was tired as fuck. So I try really hard just to work Friday and Saturday. I'd rather do a Thursday than a Sunday though. Same. I'm gonna do the three.

Starting point is 00:19:30 I don't wanna do a Sunday. For one, I wanna go and watch my football team. So I just say fuck it. I don't need the money. I'm not gonna do a Sunday. You're a Falcons fan. I'm a die a fucking Falcons fan. Dirty bird, huh?

Starting point is 00:19:44 We won last night, too I saw this coming down like a month. Oh This episode is coming down like a month. Yeah, well, I don't give fuck. We're gonna be We hopefully we'd be still winning when this episode come out Boy, they'll give you a fucking heart attack, but I love the Falcons you ever go to the Claremont The fuck is the Claremont go to the Claremont? The fuck is the Claremont? You know the Claremont Lounge? Where?

Starting point is 00:20:08 In Atlanta. Strip Club. You talking about them old bitches? No, I think I... Ain't that the one with the old people? Yeah. The fuck am I gonna see old pussy for? Those ugly ones too, it's some young ugly,

Starting point is 00:20:20 but it's all bad. But that's part of the fun. They have young uglies? Oh yeah, oh yeah. I hear people talking about bad. But that's part of the fun. They have young uglies? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I hear people talking about the Claremont Lounge all the time. You gotta go. It's like a legend.

Starting point is 00:20:31 I don't fucking like seeing people take their clothes off. And definitely not an old bitch. And then I heard they fat and they real poor and they ugly. Why would you go and laugh at your ancestors like that? Ancestors? And it's a bunch of old rick... I walk in there, grandma? Oh no.

Starting point is 00:20:55 Isn't it old white women over there stripping? White, black, Hispanic. It's one of them break smashes a can with their boobs. I think she must she must have retired by now. That was like 10 years ago. That's true. If she's still there, that is kind of sad. Yeah, she's working the punchline.

Starting point is 00:21:10 No, I've never been there, but I've heard about the Claremont. The punchline. Yeah, you gotta go before you turn 40. I'm already turning 40. Oh, hey, you fooled me. Look at that, see, they're having a good time, these ladies. That's her, Blondie. Shout out Blondie. Oh yeah, she you fooled me. Look at that. See they're fun. They're having a good time these ladies. That's her blondie Shout out line. Oh, yeah, she's the coolest. I've never been to Claremont, but I have wanted to go. It's a good hotel

Starting point is 00:21:33 Pretty cool. Actually. Yeah, and they have them stripping. Oh, yeah, that's a staple you been there. No, but I want to go My friend so I don't know if it's still there, but they took me to a gay club called Lil' Richard, a swinging Richard, and so it's like a bunch of gay guys put on a show and they put these rubber bands around their dick and they was flying in the air. Some girl took, I had a friend that took me one night and it fucking blew my mind. And I was like, why is the rubber bands around their dick?

Starting point is 00:22:00 It's keeping from getting hard. And so everybody walk around with a different color band around his dick. Like a cock ring or something? I guess it's a cock ring. I actually noticed. Oh, you know it. Thank you. The band around the cock keeps the blood in it so it seems.

Starting point is 00:22:15 It doesn't go soft. Oh, okay. So I didn't know. I thought it was just decoration. I thought it was like Christmas tree ornaments. You been there? No, I've been done it. He used to work there.

Starting point is 00:22:24 Yeah. But you know what I'm talking about? I think we were talking about that. So Swing and Rich, is it still going on? There it is, yeah. See, you should go there. So it's gay men's, but they put on a hell of a fucking show. All right. And my friend. Let's do it.

Starting point is 00:22:36 Yeah, my friend took me there one time, and they be flying in the air with their dicks and shit. Really? They do all, it was a fucking time. I'm going to Atlanta soon, I'm thinking how I'm to pitch this to my tour Magic Mike meets pink concert. Hey, it's just so gay It's just it's just cock, but it's funny. Yeah, he's hunks Wow

Starting point is 00:22:55 Hallelujah, oh, I'd like to watch him swing on something. That's 50 cent if you went another way What would you send if you went another way? That's a $3 bill. See, I'm telling you, it's a hell of a show. You should go and watch this instead of a bunch of old ass women, but this is a hell of a show and everybody's bodies intact. Yeah, well you know because they're gay, their bodies are intact. Exactly, yeah, a couple of hunks. I've never seen a straight man that good looking.

Starting point is 00:23:23 No, look at the rump on that guy on the left, hubba hubba. Yeah, that couple of hunks. I've never seen a straight man that good looking. No. Look at the rump on that guy on the left. Hubba hubba. Yeah. All right. Where is that, Atlanta? Yeah. Don't say shit when these gay men come and attack you in the street. Bring it on, hubba.

Starting point is 00:23:35 Because what you're giving off is I suck dick right now. You should watch what you say. Because this podcast reaches people. And somebody run up on you and say, you said hubba hubba and that's a cold word for dick in my face. That's my safe word. I didn't know recently, Mark informed me that apparently if you're in the sauna

Starting point is 00:23:54 and you pull water on the rocks, that's like a signal for I wanna fuck around. And there was a dude in there. I don't know, I just said to him like, do you mind? And I was like, I don't know. You were inviting. Oh, I don't know that. I didn't know that. So what happened when he put the water on the rock? He blew him. I sucked him off

Starting point is 00:24:09 But I had to follow the code no No, I I guess he was straight. He didn't know the code either But I feel like if you're gonna make it harder in there you got to be like is this cool with you if I make it Harder in here. Yeah, somebody call Matteo get Matteo on the phone. He will confirm this. No, Matteo, I can confirm it already, because he doesn't sauna. He doesn't do it. Who is Matteo? He's our gay consultant. He loves being called that.

Starting point is 00:24:35 He's a friend. FaceTime him. I'd love to hear his opinion on it. I already spoke to him today. Uh oh. Oh, y'all got the same gay consultant? He's my neighbor Mattel's a hilarious comic funny guy. He's a gay. Yes. Why would we call the daughter? Huh? Well, your daughter can tell some lesbian info. Yeah, but my daughter nasty you won't talk. I want to hear Oh, I like nasty. Oh, you know, I don't want to hear how my daughter eat pussy. Yeah

Starting point is 00:25:01 That look like you mark. Oh, thank you. That's the gay filter of me. It's gay eye. Yeah, there we go. Wait, hold on a second. Don't say too much. Put it on the mic too. We're filming a podcast right now. We're filming a podcast.

Starting point is 00:25:24 Hey! I'm here with Miss Pat and mark and oh sorry oh yeah you know what they own question for you guys uh oh think that constellations are real they are real no what did he say are constellations real the fuck is oh yes yes they're real they're they're absolutely real if stars are moving they die how are they always in the same nick i don't They're they're absolutely real Nick I don't have time for this They're having such a more sophisticated conversation We're like hey is this gay if you uh?

Starting point is 00:26:01 Yeah, actually we're about to ask something just as ridiculous, but Sam put like Water on that why don't you say I put I think I told you this already and you didn't know but I put I put water on the rocks in the sauna and Mark said that's a gay signal like if I say hey do you mind if I put this on and I put on the water on the rocks that gay everything is a gay symbol if you really think about it so gay I'm going to take code to try and hook up so if you're just walking in a steam room or a sauna you're gay

Starting point is 00:26:35 I knew it, I knew I was gay. Alright, thank you for solving that for me. Alright and the Big Dipper that's gay. And constellations are real. Why you all gotta call them constellations? why don't you just call them star I do see you later It's when they come together as the Big Dipper or Orion's belt that answered that yeah Yeah, that was so fucking pathetic that we're all doing a podcast at the same time. No one's living anymore Just a whole group of unemployment people your daughter's I call my mom, she puts me on speaker, I'm like fuck, my mom's podcast? This is so.

Starting point is 00:27:10 By the way, Norman's mom has a podcast. I know. That's true, I had to do it. Your mama got a podcast? Yeah, it was, bro, it's about cooking. About cooking? Yeah, she's been cooking. I've been cooking lately too because I'm hosting Thanksgiving

Starting point is 00:27:21 and I really can't cook so I'm trying to impress so I'm just grabbing nice recipes off the internet. What are your sides you're going for? Chicken and dressing which y'all probably call stuff. Love it. Ashley. Hey, big Ash. Ash loves to gash.

Starting point is 00:27:39 Ashley. We got a gay question. Jesus, she's black. Ashley. Can I see it? That's how black she is. Let me see. That's a dark lady.

Starting point is 00:27:50 Ashley. It's a black screen. There's a gay man in the room with you to have an answer. My daughter said clearly there's enough gay men in the room. Swingin' Richard. What was the question? Oh, he's- It's a gay question.

Starting point is 00:28:06 It's a gay question. So if you go to the sauna and you pour water on the rocks, is that like an inviting signal for being gay? He said if you go to the sauna and do what? Pour water on the rocks. Do that means that you wanna fuck whoever in there in this thing wrong with you? I don't even go in saunas.

Starting point is 00:28:26 I wouldn't know. Lesbians don't. They don't have sex. They go to hot yoga. Yeah. So what's the signal that you gay? A signal that you're gay? Yes.

Starting point is 00:28:37 Uh. How do you find pussy to eat? There you go. It usually finds me. I look good. I don't have to look. Oh, okay. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:28:46 It's scissoring real? She said, I don't go looking. You don't do the abs room thing. I don't have to go hunt. None of that stuff you do in the real world, what do you do? Well, she got a girlfriend now. But before your girlfriend, he said,

Starting point is 00:29:00 do you go on the abs, do you go to Walmart, you get your pussy at church, how do you go about Ooby-Ease? They all fuck each other's exes. Oh. I usually just have sex with people I work with. Whoa. Hehehehehe.

Starting point is 00:29:14 Jeez, where do you work, a softball team? Hahaha. When I used to work. Hahaha. Don't care about that. I got a lesson to learn. Hey. Oh, this nigga said, dude, we're going to Southpaw team.

Starting point is 00:29:26 Is that funny? He got autism. And his daddy touch him. He got all kind of fucking moody. Holy yo fuck. And he used all these big words like constellation that I don't fucking know what it means. White people just say fucking stars.

Starting point is 00:29:45 Constellation's her girlfriend's name. He said, constellation is your girlfriend's name. That one didn't hit as hard as I thought. She's in a black hole. Yeah. He kinda spoke. I love a good black hole. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:02 You realize, I was actually, I was at a WNBA game on Saturday. Oh, she blacked out the team. I don't win. I'm at the game though, and you can call a male player a black hole, because it means he's like not passing by. You cannot call him a black hole. I almost did it.

Starting point is 00:30:18 I was like, oh, you can't be, you fucking black hole. Interesting. Yeah, no, it does, that feels different. Because the hole is black. It's the worst thing. The hole is black it does. That feels different. Because the hole is black. The worst thing. The hole is black. You can't say that. And no matter what color the pussy is,

Starting point is 00:30:29 the hole is black once you open it up. No, no, no, I'm saying a different thing here. True. I'm saying you can call a guy that, because it's like regardless of skin color. But I'm saying if she opens her pussy, and I open my pussy, it's both black down there. I think you can lighten it there.

Starting point is 00:30:40 No, it's not. What are you talking about? Wait, wait. What color is your hole? I was a medical assistant. It is too. it's not. What are you? What colors your holes I was a medical sister it is too I'm not talking about when you eating it and you got your fucking iPhone up in it with the light on The inside of the vagina is black it vibrates. No, it's not when you go into the uterus Yes, the fuck it is because and why would you have known what the uterus look like?

Starting point is 00:31:02 Oh, this is getting Never ate to the uterus looked like? Oh, this is getting more graphic. Oh, I know y'all, talk about uterus. I ain't never ate to a uterus now. I'm usually full before then. How the fuck can you get full off pussy? I don't know how she eat pussy. It is so disgusting. Really?

Starting point is 00:31:14 I pee on myself all the time. Oh my God. Wow. Holy shit. I don't see your citizen vagina in the elderly pussy. I'm eating people there. Don't say pussy while your mother on your phone. Why do you, why are you wetting yourself?

Starting point is 00:31:30 Cause I've had kids. Yeah. And it's illegal to think that. I would never be the person that had a child. So. Oh! Well she's a golden gay. So they never had, she's never had dick

Starting point is 00:31:41 other than out the package. Well we're here if you need us. Yeah. Come on you and I. You could be the first. Well, we're here if you need us. Yeah. No, you ain't out. You could be the first. I'm not gonna say boy, you don't need to. What's gonna happen is I'm gonna end up pegging you. No.

Starting point is 00:31:52 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be great if she came. She's hot to me. Yeah, I like her. She comes to this side, Mark just becomes gay. That's the whole.

Starting point is 00:32:01 Yeah. She said put your thumb away. Ah. Ah. All right, enough of your thumb away. Ah. Ah. Ah. All right, enough of that bulldoggy shit, bye bye. Ah. Ah.

Starting point is 00:32:10 Oh my god. Man, you guys are a great relationship. Oh well she eat pussy, so you know, ain't nothing I can do about her being gay but be happy for her. Were you very supportive when it first happened? Oh I knew she was gay from the time she came out of my vagina, but you know, I just wanted her to hear, I wanted to, I knew she was gay from the time she came out of my vagina, but, you know, I just wanted her to hear,

Starting point is 00:32:26 I wanted to hear her say she was gay, and she didn't do it till she went off to college, and she disappeared because she thought I wasn't gonna like her. So I said, look, are you gay? And she was like, yes, ma'am. I said, well, come on back to Atlanta. Everybody eat pussy here. You be ready at home.

Starting point is 00:32:39 And she came home and we never looked back. Everyone eats pussy except the black men. Black men eat pussy. That's not what I read don't don't believe everything you Read it. I'm on black Twitter You're not on black Twitter. You know eats the cat is the Haitians. Ah, you gotta find this clip of this My fucking god you asshole the white comic on Def Jam is whole set is about how he eats pussy are you talking about um what's his name who got the black oh oh DJ Khaled said he doesn't eat pussy yeah yeah but DJ Khaled ain't black. Well, yeah, what is he, Middle Eastern? I don't think so.

Starting point is 00:33:27 I think he's Mexican or something. No. That's definitely Khaled. Let's get Mateo back on the phone. Yeah. We'll practice. Oh, Bernie. No, it wasn't Bernie, man, it was a white guy.

Starting point is 00:33:39 You talking about, Oh, yeah. Is he, what's his name, Gary Owens? Oh, maybe he's all over Def Jam. Gary Owens, Gary Owens, right? Maybe it was. Probably was. It was a long time ago, maybe it is.

Starting point is 00:33:51 I think it's O-N, no S, but I could be wrong. Black people add an S to things, have you noticed that? They what? You guys add an S. No, this isn't it. You go, you say moms. I forget it. My moms.

Starting point is 00:34:02 Yeah. Guess that's about it. Valentine's Day. Yeah. I guess that's about it. Valentine's Day. Yeah. That's an M. M&M. Groundhog's Day. I'll point out some more when I think of them. Who told you we had S to shit?

Starting point is 00:34:16 I've just noticed it. Where? Just hanging out in the world. He's been reading. We don't say pussies. You see? Well sometimes you take the S away. You go. I'm going to sleep Where's a white guy would say I'm going to sleep you guys take out the two or uh?

Starting point is 00:34:32 You stay here you stay at this house Why the white guy will say? I'm staying at this house That's just They just slang yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just pointing it out That's just... That's just... Slang? Yeah. I'm just pointing it out. What the fuck? How do you deal with this man every day?

Starting point is 00:34:52 I'm used to it. I've known him a long time. Oh my god. I'm so glad nobody black raised you. They would have beat this shit out of you. We could remake the jerk, but with Normand. That's not bad. Yeah, I grew up in a black neighborhood, went to public school.

Starting point is 00:35:10 Tried to treat everyone equally. Every time white people want to say they did something. Oh, I grew up in a black neighborhood with a public school. You know black kids go to private school too, don't you? I went to private school. They were black kids there. Went to private school? I went to both. Oh, okay. Can't you tell how shelter he is? You went to private school. They were black kids there. I went to both. Okay. Can't you tell how shelter he is?

Starting point is 00:35:26 You went to private school. Yeah your whole life After middle school, I would have guess Norman was public school public school. Yeah till 9th Private three years private. So just a little actually which one did you like? Yeah young Yeah, it was a little rough. I got fucked with quite a bit. And that's why they moved you out of the school. That's exactly right. Yeah, my kids, my first set of kids, no, my second set of kids went to private and they hated it.

Starting point is 00:35:53 Oh really? And so we moved to Indiana and then they went to all white school, but it was public and they hated it too. Hmm. Well, school sucks. Yeah. All around. Kids are mean. They're mean. They're very mean. I remember

Starting point is 00:36:07 my daughter when we first moved to Indiana my daughter is a plus-size girl so she was way bigger than the white kids in her third grade class because white people only feed their kids celery and carrots. Well we eat for real. My daughter been frying chicken since the first grade. Whole chicken. Know how to cut them up. So we get to this little white neighborhood and my daughter go to school and white boy just picking on her. And so she go tell the teacher, she say, he keep calling me fat.

Starting point is 00:36:33 And the teacher was like, little white, oh my God, don't worry about it, Gary, I'm gonna take care of you. She said, you ain't gotta take care of me. She said, cause you see the big black face, I'm gonna stick it on his fucking throat. She was in third grade. The teacher called me and said, I don't mean to laugh, but let me tell you what your daughter

Starting point is 00:36:49 said. And she whooped his ass and he never ever fucked with her again. One little white girl, it was so interesting raising my second kids in an all-white neighborhood because we had never lived around white people like that. And so- Pretty great, right? All right, stop. And so I moved my kids to this neighborhood, which I thought was pretty good overall, but

Starting point is 00:37:13 kids are just rude. So this white girl told my daughter, oh, you so fucking fat, because my daughter is fat. Geez, that's me. And she don't give a fuck, but she got a mouth for your ass. She said, I might be fat bitch, but my daddy don't give a fuck but she got a mouth for your ass She's told she said I might be fat bitch But my daddy don't my daddy don't sneak in my room and stick his dick in my mouth Oh my and they was like seventh grader and my daughter my daughter I just got for she said you need to go get Gary off this app before this white girl slid a fucking ring

Starting point is 00:37:40 And she drug this white bitch for 20 minutes because shit man mean my daughter got like two three fucking college degree but at the time she was in the seventh grade but all she did was read about the world oh she drug this white bitch so bad that white girl never ever fuck with Gary on again at the bus stop. Jesus. Yes. Man that's a mic drop. But that was just one line that I remember but she went on and on and on and Gary Ellen just kept going and she, my daughter, my oldest daughter was like, you should get a mama. This white girl gonna kill herself. I said let her go. She should have called a fact. Wow. What is your daughter

Starting point is 00:38:20 doing now? Which one? That one, the Gary Elle? Is that it? The Gary Elle. She writes on the show. She writes on the show she writes on that's cool she's a writer nice she sounds he's a gifted writer yeah if you watch if you go and watch the fourth season which is the season that out now we have a slave episode where white people are slave and it's fucking hilarious and she wrote that episode all right but and that was the hardest shit to cast. White people as slaves. Y'all do not want to be slaves. What was the problem? What was it about Jasmine? It was kind of like a twist. It was saying like what white people in America think black people need but you don't

Starting point is 00:38:59 never ask them what the fuck we need. So that's just you know that's real that's what's going on. Oh, the black community need this. You don't know the fuck you talking about, white man, cause you don't bring your motherfucking ass to the black community until you want our fucking vote. So how the fuck do you know what we want? So that was the episode was about. It was like a little twist, but it was so.

Starting point is 00:39:17 When you got? It was reparation. That's what it was about, reparation. White people don't know how to be, when white people were slaves, it's like bondage, it's like getting like spanked or something. That's work well, right? Well, I'll be we're doing work So it was a rep this white dude got like three million dollars from his family open up a reparation cap And so we stopped there and thought it was a hotel

Starting point is 00:39:36 But it was white people trying to do you know turn the times on reparation. It was so fucking fun It was so fun. It was my favorite episode. My favorite line was, I walk in and my kids are arguing with the white person, what the fuck going on? And my son said, mama, the slave owner is beating one of the slaves, but he verbally beaten her. He said, mama, this cracker trying to beat the cracker that sawed off these crackers.

Starting point is 00:40:02 And people can watch it on BET+, right? They're trying to be the cracker that sawed off these crackles. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And people can watch it on BET+, right? You can watch it on BET+. That was my, that's the episode we really thought that was gonna go off, but it was so hard to cast it because, you know, if you put it on your resume, you just gonna be a white person as a slave and somebody's like, what the fuck is this?

Starting point is 00:40:21 Oh, right. But the ones who did, a lot of, the ones who did take the job, they was theater. And when I tell you they sang them black hymns, it was so funny. It was so funny. That's it right there. It was so fucking funny.

Starting point is 00:40:38 Are you guys slave masters here? No, we're not slave masters. When I was growing up, we were basically children together. Mildred never poured into you, so you didn't know how to pour into me. This one's funny, too. I want to see some white guys out in the yard. You don't now, Ma.

Starting point is 00:40:53 And if you think you're so much better than your mother, then you need to start acting like that. I won't. He'll show you the next one. Oh, here we go. This reminds me of when they sold my daughter for forever. So you're doing a sold up visit? Oh no, white bitch.

Starting point is 00:41:16 Is that the other part? The next part to that shows you what I'm talking about that's so she's committing Is this educational he really think he Thomas Jefferson. Nobody is listening. I'd never whip anyone. We know about the physical abuse done by whites during slavery. However, we don't ever speak on the psychological trauma created by enslavement, which is just as bad, if not worse. OK, you still ain't shit, but you ate that little part.

Starting point is 00:42:02 Which is why I shall give Abigail a verbal lashing to replicate the mental and emotional trauma of black slaves. Ahem. You good for nothing, ginger head, snon-cricket. Oh, wow. How are they not breaking, dude? I know.

Starting point is 00:42:21 That is crazy. It was so fucking funny this my favorite Cuz these white people came to be slaves baby you hear me they came to be slaves They did not fucking play on Glenn Close for this Fuck is Glenn Close. I'm close was in that uh that recent movie Oh the white woman the white woman. Yeah, the white woman, the white woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you talking about her.

Starting point is 00:42:48 Yeah, she did her thing in Lee Daniel. But it was so fun. That's my favorite episode. And it's very educational. Everything that I do on this show, you know, it's based off of my life, but it's also when we go outside my life, which is this episode.

Starting point is 00:43:03 And it's just to say, you know, the world is shit, but why can't we laugh at this shit? You know? And so when we first took this episode to BET, they was like, what the fuck? White people, slaves, how's that gonna happen? Yeah. You get any pushback or no?

Starting point is 00:43:20 And not on this, a little bit on this episode, what I got a pushback on was the episode what we did about What was that jazz? With the derogatory words, so I want to do it Times have changed when I was coming up you could say shit like sissies and and bulldighills, and you can't say that anymore You know that's fucking unless you your daughter no But you can't oh you know hopefully this is you just got to choose your words right but I wanted to show episode how everything have changed but the people at home has not changed you know let's

Starting point is 00:43:55 be honest y'all probably got relatives you go home and and they say the n-word some old motherfucker great-granddaddy uncle. They don't say it, but they say it. They say it, let's be honest. You know what I'm saying? My dad says it. Yeah. Not me. But, so I wanted to do one on words like that, and one of the words I wanted to use was japs lap. Well, most people have never heard of japs lap.

Starting point is 00:44:18 Have y'all ever heard of that? No. Well, it was back when black people, I mean not black people, Japanese people was in concentration camps, remember they'd slap them backhand. So when I mean not black people, Japanese people was in concentration camps, remember they'd slap them backhand. So when I was coming up my mom would say,

Starting point is 00:44:28 I did the shit out you bitch. So when I grew up. I did very different childhood. When I grew up. Mom never did that. And I would say that to my husband, he was like, that's so fucking racist. I'm like, racist?

Starting point is 00:44:45 So I go to BET and we put, and at the time they running around slapping Asian people for real here in America. And so they said, no, we won't let you say, but we'll let you say, and we was like, it's worse motherfucker. And so they gave us, but took the shit away. That's crazy.

Starting point is 00:45:08 Yeah, so we love pushing the envelope like that on the mid-patch. But it's also insulting a different group also. Japanese and Chinese. Yeah. Well. They're all Chinese. It always feels like a lateral move.

Starting point is 00:45:21 Right. Like from homeless to unhoused, especially. I completely. It's like a very lateral. Colored people, right? From like homeless to unhoused is especially I completely very lateral colored people people of color. What's really the difference there? Yeah, we don't want to be called color people. Wow. I'm just saying it's just a change the order We don't call ourselves colors of people either. I don't you know, I don't say that anyway I say black who's like a Person of color that calls themselves like a POC. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Starting point is 00:45:47 People call, who the fuck call, they calling them POCs now? Oh yeah, that's out there. That's out there. Politician. Have you said POCs to me? I'm thinking prison of camp. Oh shit.

Starting point is 00:45:57 That's his ancestors. That does sound- You Jewish? Yeah, yeah. Oh shit. What are you kidding? Oh shit, what the hell? You didn't know he's been complaining since he got in. Hey, hey folks, we want to be drunk. Who is it? Oh shit. Are you kidding me? Oh shit. What the hell?

Starting point is 00:46:05 You didn't know he's been complaining since we got in. Hey folks, We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by Fume. Flavored air is quickly becoming the leading alternative to that bad habit. It's a whole new movement towards better habits and Fume is here to set the bar high. Fume is an award-winning flavored air device that comes in awesome flavors like black licorice, crisp mint, maple pepper, and peach blush. I love it! Watch this. Really takes the edge off, folks. No side effects, no health shit, get yourself some fume, tastes good, feels good, and it's served over 300,000 customers and you

Starting point is 00:46:44 could be the next success story. just to have something cooking right in your mouth. Oral fixation. For a limited time use our code DRUNK to get a free gift with your Journey Pack. Head to tryfume.com. That's T-R-Y-F-U-M.com and use code DRUNK to get a free gift with your order today! Because when I was little I only thought Jews was just one person. Jesus. I did not know. You didn't see what you had on TV?

Starting point is 00:47:12 Hey, Ms. Pat, you're looking at him. I know, I did not know. I'm KC. We didn't, my mama didn't tell us that Jews was a lot of people, like a whole, you know. Too many. We just thought it was one. She's too busy jam flappingpping you did so when I thought shit is the best reaction to you're a Jew no I did hook up with a woman once who right before we had sex goes are

Starting point is 00:47:37 you Jewish I said yeah and she goes oh and I still fucked her but I was the penis doesn't care no but it was it was it was a low point for sure Yeah, why you want to sleep with you? I? Was kidding or not what you got Jesus dick Jesus dick a Jew dick Dratle that's a good way to drain that that would have been I mean they back. Yeah, that was your people. Yeah, well That's like who was my people King tough. He was probably kidding in's true. That's like, who was my people, King Tuck? She was probably kidding. In New York? Was King Tuck my people?

Starting point is 00:48:09 She was foreign. She was like drunk enough that she just sort of let up. Huh, what's the people over there, African name? What's the African people, the kings and queens? What, African people, Nubian? Jazz, what's the king over there in Africa? Is that an Egyptian? Yeah. Black Panther? Pharaoh.

Starting point is 00:48:26 Pharaoh. Oh, okay, yeah. Pharaoh, let my people go. Yes. I don't know the Bible. I don't know why he said let his people go. Come. What'd you say?

Starting point is 00:48:34 There we go. Gaps lap. Well, when I was a kid, we'd say rice rocket for a fast Asian car. Like, it's a nice rice rocket. But we liked them. I just, I just. Yeah, slap. Well when I was a kid we'd say rice rocket for a fast Asian car, like it's a nice rice rocket. But we liked them. I just, I just. I was just watching TV with my husband

Starting point is 00:48:52 and he said rice rocket. I had never heard of rice rocket before. But that meant an Asian. Like a fast Honda, Toyota, you know, like a hot rod. We never said that, did you say that? No, I never heard of it. Really? Where were you raised? I was in New York City. Oh yeah, okay. Toyota you know like a hot rod we never said that did you say that no I never heard of it really Were you raised? I was in New York City. Oh, yeah, so what racist term did you?

Starting point is 00:49:18 Bull dyke he said I recently heard a coal burner. Oh Yes, um who is that for coal burner? What's that? It's it's a white people white men who have sex with black women Whoa, that's heavy. Yeah Racist that I knew so we'd say Oreo if a black guy Wait black guy acted white. You're Oreo. He's white on the inside. That was that was around Then you get reverse Oreo. White guy acted black. Yeah, did the white slaves need their own N-word?

Starting point is 00:49:54 Did you give them something? No. You know what was funny? When we were shooting this episode, one of the guys, what did he work in, Jazz? He was in sound. And so they was like, back it up to to, to, to nigga, huh? And so the white man say, you want me to back it up to nigga? He was like, Oh my God, I just lost my job. And I fucking hollered. Because he was just repeating

Starting point is 00:50:23 what we wanted back, back it up to and they would tell him to rewind the show to niggas. That's a heart attack. It's funny to say this is in a work environment too. Well, we're not going to allow you to say it but we're going to say it because it's in the show. But it was just an honest mistake and everybody just stopped cause you can hear it all over the speaker. You want me to back it up to the first nigga

Starting point is 00:50:46 or the second nigga? He was like, I just lost my fucking job. I hollered, I fucking hollered. And so they go up there and tell me, I'm so sorry. I was like, y'all, the dude was just, you know, we hear it all day. It's in his blood when you work on the Miss Pat Show. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:05 Yeah. True. Damn, I wanna work there. You can work there, but you can't get away with it. I'm joking, I know that. I can already see the clip from this podcast. It's just multiple takes of Miss Pat giving you a look. Yes, yes.

Starting point is 00:51:28 I got your work cut out for you, Peters. Yes. We have four great comics here. You guys working on any new bits that you want to share? Well, we do peeves on the show. What's peeves? Pet peeves. Pet peeves. You got any peeves?

Starting point is 00:51:40 I got one. This kind of bothers me. My girlfriend, I don't know if I've done this one before because I've written it down on my phone, but my girlfriend will come in the bathroom when I'm on the toilet, I'll fart, and she'll be like, ew, and I'm like, this is where you do it. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:54 In the bathroom. True. That's fair. Where else are you gonna do it? On her face? The toilet's appropriate. Some people like it in the face. Oh really?

Starting point is 00:52:02 Yeah. You got like the cake fart videos, ever seen those? Pull them up. Those are weird. Nah, I don't do shit like that. One on one, that's kind of, I've heard a couple, what do you have Mark? You have better peeves?

Starting point is 00:52:14 Uh, oh shit, I just had one and I lost it. The cake fart threw me off. Sorry about that. No, no, no. See what I got. I feel bad, I don't feel like I prepped anybody on the bit. I realized I don't like sweaty people I don't like just I don't like a lot of sweat on some not necessarily when it comes to sex

Starting point is 00:52:32 It's a different thing, but when just in the workplace. Yeah, really sweaty it annoys me I hear ya it feels like you get a handle on yourself. You really some some people can't. I know. Some people just over press buys or whatever the fuck the word is. I don't like it. I'm like whatever your problem is, get, fix it. Oh, they can't fix it. Some people just need shower to shower around the clock. Yeah, I guess like bring a bunch of shirts.

Starting point is 00:52:57 That's just a big thing. Antiperspirant deodorant could probably help a little. Yeah, true. You have your rub it all over your body, but some people are just sweaty. Yeah. I hate people when they fucking hands sweat and they wanna shake your hand,

Starting point is 00:53:09 but it feel like they've been jacking off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I hate fucking, what the fuck is going on with your hands? Yeah. You know the problem I'm having is with airplanes,

Starting point is 00:53:19 like I'm getting older now and this is happening. It's kind of, well don't shit embarrass me. So I have to, like when I'm 52, so when I got a piss, I got a piss. I ain't no holding no piss, cause you ain't got them walls you had when you was in the third grade. Your pussy let it go, and your bladder don't give a fuck. So I go run in the bathroom,

Starting point is 00:53:38 and all I'm thinking about is just get my drawers down. You know, I got on this big ass panty line to make sure my panty line don't hit the ground and stick. So I pull my panties down, don't even look back to see if the fucking toilet seat's up, and piss all over the airplane floor. I've done this shit like four times. I always wonder who does that.

Starting point is 00:53:56 No, so everybody knows me on the plane. Oh my God, I'm so, can I have a picture with you? And they asking me all of this shit all while I'm sitting there. And then I'm pissed all over these folks floor I mean here by the way when you go in a public bathroom and there's piss everywhere yes Yeah, no, that's not me So what I did was because it's flat all up the walls because the seat was down So I'm telling I said give me some gloves. I pissed on the floor. Oh no miss Pat. I get it up

Starting point is 00:54:22 I said you're not getting up my fucking good for you. So I threw all the napkins down, soaked the piss up. Oh, you cleaned it? Yeah, I cleaned it. Oh, okay. Peave evoked. But the thing is is that I don't know why I just don't turn around, cause the bathrooms are so little,

Starting point is 00:54:36 so I think they should be already ass ready. But some son of a bitch go in there and let the fucking lid down. And I pissed on the seat. Dude, I have, going off your peeve, another peeve, I used a Porto Potty at a basketball court recently. I was playing basketball yesterday. And there's like three Porto Potties,

Starting point is 00:54:54 but it's like, it's a fucking gamble. Cause sometimes a crazy guy's in there and some say in use, you're like, thank God I know not to go in there. But some just, they don't lock it. Yeah. I open the door, there's just a crazy guy in there screaming when I open it, I was like, fuck. Oh, he's like mid-wife or something. Yeah, he's like, thank God I know not to go in there. But some just, they don't lock it. I open the door, there's just a crazy guy in there screaming when I open it, I was like, fuck.

Starting point is 00:55:06 Oh, he's like mid-wife or something? Yeah, he's like, ah, I was like, oh fuck. That's a tough spot. Whatever happened, I'm in here. He's just fucking screaming. That's really wild. Well, I do make sure the door is locked, but I do let that seat down.

Starting point is 00:55:19 I done did it like three, four times. I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with me? They should really make bathrooms on planes a little bit bigger for bigger people So at least turn around with because I go in ass in wow and I just start pissing like small for small people now Yeah, but I think but you probably you can walk in the bathroom I go on my ass ready to pull my drawers down and the fucking seat is down now the piss is all over place I'm tall in a small plant a similar problem or I'm like I can't move I I'm I'm peeing like crouched over It is pretty small in there. Yeah, so they should really make they should make a bathroom with no ass and some ass

Starting point is 00:55:57 Not many women ass no ass. Yes. I like that. You know what happened to me I went to I went to the BT Awards and they had a bathroom and It didn't say boy girl. I just walked in there was me and using the women bathroom and nobody was scared and Biden's America Fucking bother you a shit the fuck up cuz I'm a Democrat I know that's what they say when I say but I didn't feel I didn't feel threatened or anything It was everybody in this one bathroom and I at first I was kind of shocked. I was like whoa a big-ass man And then it was all kinds of people. Hmm. What do you mean all kinds? It was trans people Regular people men women every fucking thing People normal people

Starting point is 00:56:42 Him them, Dan, hers. Trans people, normal people. Regulars. Regulars. No, I'm just saying it was all types of people in the bathroom, him them, Dan, hers. It was beautiful. Oh, all right. It was, it was beautiful.

Starting point is 00:56:54 Everybody was singing. A utopia. Yeah. Someone's playing the harp. I don't mind that as long as everybody's grown. I probably would have a problem if I had a little kid with me. Speaking of, here's a little kid of chick-fil-a

Starting point is 00:57:06 crawling under the stall some stranger Oh my fucking god kick him in his face. How'd they get my fantasy? Oh my god, that's gonna be my kid Why is he filming this I think to protect themselves good point it's like I can't be caught in here with a little kid Well, he is now. Oh! He opened the door on him! What a dick. He came in the bottom.

Starting point is 00:57:32 You got to go out the bottom. Yeah, I'll lock it. Oh my god. Wow. He's lucky he didn't roll up on, you know. Him shaming him. You got to lock it. What are you doing?

Starting point is 00:57:43 Yeah, ask him what you're doing here. I ought to here I would say shit nigga get the fuck away from in here. We got some new merch Like an updated version of the movie the fugitive a guy gets framed It was the one-armed man. Oh My god, I'd have beat the shit. It's gonna end up like that though sweet kid innocent I'm scared cuz she's already like she like runs off and is like moving really quickly and yeah Just like won't mind her own business. Well, they don't mind their own business. So they get to they get an iPhone Yeah, so how did she she's only 11 months? So yeah, she just she just mind her own business. Well they don't mind their own business till they get an iPhone. Yeah. So how old is she?

Starting point is 00:58:26 She's only 11 months. So yeah, she just learning the world. She gotta stick her hand in the fireplace. Yeah, yeah. She gotta fall down the stairs. She gotta fuck herself up a little bit. She's gotta meet a pedophile. Gotta go to the bathroom stall, the rando,

Starting point is 00:58:40 and the gorgeous. I hope she don't do all of that, but yeah, she just learning the world right now. Yeah, they're very curious right? Yeah, Gary though. Yeah, and she interrupt your sex life yet. No, they don't have no. Yeah No, but she actually stays like she's like she has her own room, which is nice But for a while there we were like, this is fucked. Mm, yeah. We're fucking in the same room as our kids.

Starting point is 00:59:08 Wow. Yeah. Well you fucked in that same room to get her. What do you mean? To make her. To make her. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Well and if she see you fucking, she ain't gonna know what you're doing,

Starting point is 00:59:17 she think y'all exercising. Well she couldn't even, she didn't know she has hands. Right, right. She was like not even. But I know what you mean, like mentally you're kind of just weird. Mentally you're like, okay. You're just like a pediment when you're fucking. Oh you're saying, oh, oh, oh,

Starting point is 00:59:31 you think she gonna hear that? I was like worried about it, it's in the back of my mind. Well she say that anyway, oh yoga. She's learning to talk. Her first sounds did sound like Forrest Gump, you know like when his mom was fucking the principal. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:51 I was like. Jenny. Yeah, so for you to be, so you the mom, just don't make no fucking noise. Y'all stick socks in your mouth. Nothing hotter than that. And he likes it anyway. Nothing hotter than that.

Starting point is 01:00:03 And if it's a dirty sock, it's flavor. So you don't have to suck on detergent. There we go. I think we got a new episode. This one's salty. Let's do that episode. Sucking the mouth fucking. I mean, you know, she just learning whatever, you know,

Starting point is 01:00:20 it's just a sound, she's gonna be okay. It's not really that I was that concerned about what it would do for her. It was like, it was just in the back's gonna be okay Not really that I was that concerned about what it would do for her It was like it was just in the back of my mind like she's in here Yes, I mean like it messes with it Yeah, that's been time I had to fucking a bit with my daughter and pat her in the back and say mama at work Hey, I picked up Whitney Cummings son, and I think he wanted me to suck his dick he immediately Opened my mouth. I'm like what the fuck is wrong with this baby

Starting point is 01:00:48 where he's sticking his whole hand in my mouth, Whitney? Wow, he's gotta give his mom pills. So he's like, you're a... He's like a little pez dispenser, his annex. He immediately stuck his whole hand in my mouth. I said, what the fuck is going on with this freaky-ass baby? Well, you know she lets him do it.

Starting point is 01:01:05 Right, right. Well, maybe I was thinking, because I'm black and I got lips and he wasn't used to seeing that. So he'd be like, what is this? I got fake lips. No, those lips are too small. No, they're my lips. Oh, those are nice lips.

Starting point is 01:01:18 Yeah. I'm thinking of the ones downstairs. Those are fake. Her pussy? Oh, yeah. She had that all redone. What? Whitney, Whitney, I want you to kickits? Oh yeah, she had that all redone. Whitney, Whitney, I want you to kick his ass.

Starting point is 01:01:30 No that's not fucking true. I don't think she got a prostate and a pussy. No. Oh yeah. She's got fake tits. I'm the only one who's seen it. She's got great fake tits. Great, great fake tits. Yeah. Well most people do have great fake tits. Not those ages. Oh bitch, these are straight off the Medicaid line. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha is a great title for someone. Yeah, that's true. Hey, look at ol' Prego there. He's coming back on soon. That's right, that's right.

Starting point is 01:02:08 We'll get the kid in there and get him right in my mouth. Oh my God. You turned and looked at me. All right, we're making progress. Oh God, I love these podcasts. You are too silly, motherfucker. Hell yeah. This is the only time I really like dealing with autism I don't have to say safe hand with this nigga. Is it autism or is he just white? No he got autism. Yeah something's up

Starting point is 01:02:37 You think you got autism for real? I don't think you have autism. He told me he had autism. Well I don't think he has autism. I was trying to get away with that N-word. Pfft. Roll it back. He does not have autism. You don't have auti- Why the fuck you tell me that? I thought you had autism. Well it's a good catch all. If I do something

Starting point is 01:02:58 fucked up I go, ah autism, you know. And they save. Oh my fucking god. You going to jail. Yeah, I don't think the autism thing works in jail. No. Say something fucked up, I'm autistic, don't rape me. They're like, oh, easy target.

Starting point is 01:03:15 Who went to jail? Oh yeah, Pete Diddy went to jail. Today. Wow. Did he today? Yesterday. Got arrested, yeah, in New York. They needed to be arrested.

Starting point is 01:03:22 They found 1,000 bottles of lube. They found one hundred one thousand bottles of Lube wow they should donate 100 1000 bottles. They should donate that to the goodwill Yeah, that's put on the day huh They'd be a it'd be a lot of wet pussies was Serious this were bottles of lube, does that count as evidence? They started freak-off parties. Bunch of lube? It just shows that parties were huge.

Starting point is 01:03:52 To me, it tells me a bunch of dry pussy came to the party. Right. A bunch of extra tight booty holes, because why do you need all of that lube? Right. He had more lube than Jippie Lube had. Ha ha ha ha ha. That's true. I don't have lube. It's for my car. Huh? Right he had more lubed and jippin lubed hair He's like it's for my car, that's what I would say yeah, my Mercedes were love lube he's got to do the old-school defense that they were doing like

Starting point is 01:04:17 Ky jelly wrestling that's his only oh yeah forgot about party Yeah, good call they were doing that at the Creek in the Cave when I first moved to New York. Wow. Doing what? They were doing like KY Jelly Wrestling in the basement at the Creek in the Cave when I first moved here. Yeah, good times.

Starting point is 01:04:33 This is fun. Before the comedy. Or he can say he does professional slipping slides. Oh, there you go. He can spray it on the floor and just let people slide across the floor, butt ass naked. If you have that much, it's not a great sign.

Starting point is 01:04:46 No. What you mean it's not a great sign? Or he's just got a Costco membership. I don't know. That too. He buys them bulk. He buys them crackers too. Cause if you come to my house,

Starting point is 01:04:53 I got a bunch of fucking tissue. Right. Yeah. Right, true. So why can't you, I wanna know why can't, did he have a thousand dollar allude? Well it doesn't help that he has three AR-15s. Well he's not a convicted felon, so white people got three and four and five ar-15. That's true. So what's the problem?

Starting point is 01:05:11 I think it's the combination thing is the black trafficking no nations. Yeah human trust allegations I Don't know I don't have any sale to human trafficking application applications When did it go from Human trafficking when did it go from pimpin to human trafficking? Oh, yeah I think if you go over state lines or something I've been over state line anytime with holes pimps, but human trafficking is when you get

Starting point is 01:05:50 The sex workers to recruit more sex workers, right? It's like once it once it goes. So why is it not a job? What is a job if you if you obey if you if you have an age? Cuz if you take this to Vegas, would it be human traffic or just be horn What the red tape? I think I think human traffic is people like kidnapping against their will But there's levels to rape too. I think there's levels to trafficking right like degrees There's like let me ask you something if a man suck your titty. Yeah, that's all he do is that rape I think you would be better equipped to answer this one than me.

Starting point is 01:06:25 I don't know. No, that's a nigga who sucked my titty. Might be assault or misconduct. I don't know about rape. Well, if I yank my titty back and it's not harmed, or if I leave my titty out there. If you, if he's, hold on a second. If you're, all right.

Starting point is 01:06:39 That's a good question. In this world where a man just randomly runs up and fucking bites your tit I'm gonna whoop his fucking ass Something that you would is this something you don't want I think that's the thing that makes it assault. Yeah I mean, I mean, if you're yanking your titty back, then it's assault But if you're like, alright, well, it's just I guess so what if you I mean if you be honest If you run up on me and you yank my titty, I'm probably gonna fight you

Starting point is 01:07:18 Yeah, and if it's a fight is over you go about your business. I'm okay, right? If you keep fucking with me, then I'm gonna get the police in. Right. So. Fair. Oh, you see they took away his key to the city. Nah. Hitting him where it hurts.

Starting point is 01:07:32 You guys wanna hear the allegations? Here we go. All right. I'm announcing the unsealing of a three count indictment. Charging Sean Combs with racketeering conspiracy, sex trafficking, interstate transportation for prostitution. The indictment alleges that between at least 2008 and the present, Combs abused, threatened, and coerced victims to fulfill his sexual desires, detect his reputation, and conceal his conduct. As alleged in the indictment to carry out this conduct Sean Combs led and participated in a racketeering conspiracy

Starting point is 01:08:07 That used the business empire he controlled to carry out criminal activity. Hmm, including sex trafficking forced labor kidnapping arson bribery Wow Also, he wasn't a very good rapper But he was a damn good hype

Starting point is 01:08:26 man. Yeah. He was. Maybe he was a good hype man. So it sounded like they done took another black man down. Yeah if only he didn't commit all those crimes. Yeah. That should be the defense. Yeah. Another black man. Well then we got arson, we got kidnapping, we got, it's not a racial thing. It's a criminal thing. What is racketeering? What does that mean? Wait a second, is that Drew Barrymore? Yeah, 50 Cent taking a victory lap because he's an aged puff daddy.

Starting point is 01:08:57 He said, here I am keeping good company with Drew Barrymore and I don't have a thousand bottles of lube in the house. I love 50 Cent. He's a funny guy. Funny guy. So racketeering is basically a conspiracy. I don't have a thousand bottles of lube in the house. I love Fittieson, he's a funny guy. Fittieson is a muhfucka. Funny guy. So racketeering is basically conspiracy. You conspire to commit a crime.

Starting point is 01:09:09 If I called Mark and I said, do you wanna do this thing? And you were like, I don't know, but now it's a crime because two people are involved. Ah, that's quite a racketeer. Even if you say I don't know? That's racketeering? That's racketeering. So if you didn't call me.

Starting point is 01:09:19 No, not if you say I don't know. No, conspiracy to commit a crime. He's like, I'm in, and whatever. Like a bank heist Yes, got it. I would never ever agree over phone To any crime right? Yes over text message never I was never a rookie move paper. Yeah. Yeah good point. Okay

Starting point is 01:09:40 I've watched enough true. So well, it looked like puffed out. It gonna be gone. He should have went to buy with the Simmons he didn't run Yeah, let's see if he makes it in prison. Oh, we'll make it going to a real prison. No, he's going with R. Kelly What you bad would I buy it hell yeah, our Kelly already put one out actually did it yeah Is he doing life R. Kelly or no? He's doing pretty much life. They're not gonna let him out. We'll see, I mean, I've talked to some people

Starting point is 01:10:11 who knew him and were like, there was a darkness like at parties like around him. Well he had a problem with, I don't know, I just, it blows me. When I saw that video with Cassie I was like this. Oh yeah, that was. Oh that was. That wasn't shit.

Starting point is 01:10:25 He was way back, you see my puffed at it? Yeah, yeah, the poached up. I was way, he had probably already done something that was way worse before we saw that. That just proved that he was the asshole that she say he was. And the thing is, is I think she asked him for money to sell it before she took it to the public.

Starting point is 01:10:43 I'm assuming, I don't know, but if she did, he shoulda took it. Do you wanna wait till she come out with all of this shit and then her lawyer gonna get the video and show that you, all you gotta do is just show one time that you hitting a woman in this country and it's fucking over. Nobody likes you anymore.

Starting point is 01:10:57 Yeah, Chris Brown's not working anymore. Ooh, good point. Well, let me just say this. As being a woman and being in fights, if somebody hits you, you gotta defend yourself back. So I don't know why this country think that you just supposed to go around and beat the shit out of a man

Starting point is 01:11:15 and he don't supposed to respond. That's not fair. Because if you treat me, I'm gonna treat you the way you treat me. If you don't put your hands on me, then I shouldn't put my hands on you. But as some women in this country just think, I can slap the shit out of him

Starting point is 01:11:36 and you can't hit me because of girl. I have two sons, hit that bitch back. She hit you, but don't hit her first. Equality. Yes, you say you want equality, okay bitch, you hit me, I gotta give it to you back. You just gotta raise. Don't hit anyone.

Starting point is 01:11:52 Yes, don't hit anyone, but some women think that they could just beat the shit out of a man and by him being a man, he can't respond. That's not fair. Why you gonna make my son out of a pussy? Don't be running around here. If you treat people way you want to be treated. Hear, hear. And I tell my son, don't hit no woman because I don't want no woman hitting you. But if a bitch hit first, you need to shake that whole hell up.

Starting point is 01:12:17 Yes. That's why I'm supporting trans boxing. Alright. I should try to put a button on that summer. You guys see the Olympics Yeah, we saw the alright. Yeah, we did that was that was a fucking girl. I know I know Oh, there's these days you gotta damn to take a picture your pussy need an ID. It's saying that you a woman I know right And by the way, I'm on tour. I'm doing I'm saying that you a woman. I know, right? And by the way, I'm on tour.

Starting point is 01:12:44 I'm doing my Hot and Fleshy tour. There you go. Yeah, plug it. Plug it up. Hot and Fleshy tour. Go to misspatcomedy.com. I'm here in New York. Oh, go to my phone.

Starting point is 01:12:54 We got the dates right here. Oh, I can't see. She know I can't fucking see. We got Birmingham, Alabama, the Lyric. October 13th. Okay, okay, okay, okay. So, the, I'm. The latest one.

Starting point is 01:13:04 October 18th and 19th, Buffalo, New York okay, so the I'm Perhaps theater great room used yeah, you you skip town hall in New York. Oh No, we'll post about it, okay Nice that's a big one what about view more and then just go to miss Pat coming back calm to get all your tickets oh she want me to read go to buff okay I'm gonna be in Buffalo town hall in New York Milwaukee st. Louis Munshin Hall, Pennsylvania. Yeah, it's basically pits Munhall, Pennsylvania Richmond, Virginia Albany Syracuse, New York Just go to miss Pat company comm and get your tickets and come see me on the hide and flash it to her Because this is for the women who got they internal a thermostat has turned on and for the men to have to deal with us

Starting point is 01:14:03 Yeah, you got that right, sister. It's not easy. You wanna lay back? You wanna sit back? Yeah, cause I just finished my tour. I just shot my special last night. Whoa! Yay!

Starting point is 01:14:17 Yeah. Who you shooting for? Netflix. Woo! All right! That's exciting. Yeah, yeah. It was fucking great. It was here in New York.

Starting point is 01:14:24 It was, if it's as good as it felt, I'm happy. That's exciting. Yeah, yeah, it was fucking great. It was here in New York. It was, if it's as good as it felt, I'm happy. That's great. Was it here in New York? Yeah, it was in Village Underground. Oh, nice. Great. Didn't you do, is it spoiler? Did you do two?

Starting point is 01:14:36 I did do two. There was like, the concept was that I was gonna shoot half of it pregnant and the other half a year after I had my kid. And now I'm looking at it and I'm going, I don't know if I need the first half. I think I like the hour that I wrote as it is. I don't really wanna fuck with it.

Starting point is 01:14:57 So we'll see. I'm like, I got a great editor and I said, if you can make it work, great. And if you can't, then drop the first hour, leave the second and we'll use whatever footage from that we can. It's very unique, I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like that.

Starting point is 01:15:10 You could also use the pregnancy stuff in like the credits or something. That's what I'm saying. Promote. I'm like, let's not force it. Yeah. Like a chopped up, you know, I don't want somebody to go, well it was like a good idea.

Starting point is 01:15:20 Right. That's a fucking nightmare. Whatever's the funniest, go with that. Right, exactly. That's great, all. Whatever's the funniest, go with that. Right, exactly. That's great. All right. Well, before I get out of here, make sure y'all go and watch Miss Pat Settles It

Starting point is 01:15:30 every Wednesday night and go stream Miss Pat, the Miss Pat Show on BET Plus. Yeah, you got it. And watch the slavery episode. I can't wait to watch it. I'm gonna watch it first. That's exciting. All right.

Starting point is 01:15:40 Is this after my disaster? Okay, so yeah, I'm doing a couple warm-ups at the Spokane Comedy Club in, yeah, October 24th through 26. I'm doing Hilarities in Cleveland. Oh, I love that place. 21st through 23rd, love it. Me too. And then doing, starting the theater's again in February.

Starting point is 01:15:55 It's not fully announced, but I got the routing here so I can give you a taste of, I'm doing Charlotte, Richmond, DC, Philly, Bethlehem, fuckin' Tulsa, Austin, Dallas, Houston, New Orleans, neck of the woods, Memphis, Knoxville, Nashville, Birmingham, Atlanta, see you at the Claremont Lounge, Ashilla, Ashilla. Swing and Richard, we go, I see you swing and Richard.

Starting point is 01:16:20 Swing and Richard. All right, we'll do both. A lot more though, I added like 60 cities on my site. I don't have them all yet, but they are up now once this comes out, so samorail.com or just, follow us all at Punch, you guys on Punch Up? No, what's that? Oh, you should get on Punch Up.ly.

Starting point is 01:16:35 Oh, Punch Up's big. We'll talk to you about it, both of you guys. PunchUp.live slash samorail, PunchUp.ly slash Mark Normand. Get our tickets for shows there. Mark, where you gonna be, man? Hey, I'm all over the road hey you ever been to Bulldogs by the way in Atlanta I think he's gay yeah I was there I gotta go but I was at the Bulldogs one time I just

Starting point is 01:16:55 wanted to see what was in there oh yeah I go in the back of the Bulldogs I mean when I tell you gay means know how to treat a straight woman I get in the back of him guess who I bump into my fucking brother I thought you were going to say Lil Nas X. No, that's my brother in the back of the bulldog. Wow, that's incredible. Livhanger. Tune into the end, folks. I think you just outed your brother in public. I don't know if that was out there.

Starting point is 01:17:37 He's already out. All right. He's in Bulldogs. He's out and loving every bit of it. Hey, I'm in Winnipeg, Edon, Cleveland as well and Fayetteville, Arkansas Wichita, Kalamazoo, Chicago Theater Poughkeepsie, Torrington, Connecticut, Charleston, Asheville, NOLA, Wilkes-Barre and Inglewood Thanks guys get some Bodega Cat. Thank you for coming in.

Starting point is 01:17:59 Bodega Cat Whiskey folks, bodegacatwhiskey.com. We just got in like ten comedy clubs and right and we are We're all over the place cooking bodega cat whiskey calm get a bottle. Thank you guys. We might be drunk miss Pat Rosebud On the road. We'll see you all in hell watch their stuff. Bye. Bye I'm the ex-offender, a bit of Pivarecki, know the future's close I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous

Starting point is 01:18:43 I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might be drunk.

We Might Be Drunk - Ep 201: Ms. Pat & Rosebud Baker

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