We Might Be Drunk - Ep: 84 Rosebud Baker

Episode Date: July 18, 2022

Recorded on June 28th, 2022 Rosebud is with us this week, drinking a virgin Rosewater Martini. Watch her special "Whiskey Fits" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMCm1V6Z1s4 Find her on the road: https:...//www.rosebudbaker.com/ Watch her funny sketches that Lorne Michaels loves on Saturday Night Live Also join the Patreon for We Might Be Drunk: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Find Mark and Sam on the road: http://marknormandcomedy.com/ https://www.sammorril.com/shows Visit www.betterhelp.com/Drunk for 10% off your first month. Support the show and get $20 off your first purchase with the code DRUNK at https://Fanimal.com Visit www.liquidiv.com and code Drunk

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey folks here we are we might be drunk oh we're white powering out of the gate here good to see you my brain is mush sam's hung over and rosebud's sober yeah we're still drinking the worst of all three i don't know look at us no we're not we're not doing well this is rough we uh yeah i went hard last night. It was one of those, and I also have construction in my building, so I went hard, and I just knew this morning would suck, and it did. But what are you going to do? That's brutal.
Starting point is 00:00:34 Yeah. You're hungover. You're off a bender. My parents are in town, and I was on the fully loaded tour all weekend. My brain is mush. Yeah. How long are they here? Till Thursday. Okay. That's not so bad not so bad our parents randomly had dinner together yes i forgot
Starting point is 00:00:52 randomly mark mark's dad and my dad have a mutual friend uh-huh and they all just had dinner so my mom said we're having dinner with uh the normans tonight i was like what i know i couldn't wrap my head around the world's colliding it was too much mark? I know. I couldn't wrap my head around it. The world's colliding. It was too much. I was at the cellar late last night and Mark just sends me a picture of our families together. I'm like, this is... Can I post that on here? Is that too weird? Is that weird? I don't know. Let me send it to Matt. You can throw it up on
Starting point is 00:01:16 the pod. That's cute. So they're meeting both your spouses. I do feel like we just got serious. Yeah. We've been friends for years. We just took it up a level. That's a good point. It's really, I do feel like we just got serious. Yeah. Like we were friends for years. We just took it up a level. That's a good point.
Starting point is 00:01:29 It's huge. I don't feel comfortable. I just preferred fucking. Yeah. So my parents are in town meeting my fiance's parents for the first time and I can't relax. I'm freaking out. I'm nervous. That's a terrifying thing to have happen.
Starting point is 00:01:44 Yeah. I mean, I got married during COVID, so I got to avoid all of it. Yeah. Like none of my family. They haven't met Andy's parents? Well, they met Andy's dad and stepmom, but they haven't met his mom, Anita. And that's the, she's the, you know, the matriarch. Really?
Starting point is 00:02:02 And the patriarch. Wow. Are you in good with her? Yeah. Yeah. That's good. She's, we're a lot alike. He married his mom.
Starting point is 00:02:11 Yes. Like. Look at that. There's my sleepy dad. Yeah. Norman's parents in the middle, mine on, you know. That's cute. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:19 It's pretty funny. I knew your mom, Sam, because of COVID, you would run jokes by her. Yeah. Dark times. funny i knew your mom sam because of uh covid you would run jokes by her yeah dark times and my mom doesn't know i do stand-up oh that's good yeah she's got a nice farrah faucet thing cooking yeah she's got good bangs it's like a three's company haircut good for her this is like the new uh grace and frankie here oh yeah this is funny you definitely look like both your parents well that's my that's not my biological dad no i'm saying i'm saying uh that that mark does uh-huh
Starting point is 00:02:54 yeah you look like your mom yeah it's my mom i can see it cute cute family very adorable the the foursome though is when they went too far i went too far. I thought it was pretty weird they all fucked. Yeah. Whatever. Well, how are you going to get to know each other? Exactly. My mom's going to listen to this and she's going to be like, why did you make that joke? Blame it on me.
Starting point is 00:03:15 I'm a bad influence. I feel like I get that a lot from my parents. Really? Whenever they hear a joke, they go like, why did you? Why that? That's why. Yeah. Focus to that. Right. Yes. they hear a joke they go like why did you why that that's why yeah because of that right you
Starting point is 00:03:25 realize like the line most comedians line of how far they go is their parents right right you know sexually and comedy wise you know what i mean absolutely sexually sexually for sure how did you guys do it i mean but no but don't you realize that with comedy where you're like my the joke i go my mama go Sam I'm like, that's okay. That's where I'll go. Right? Well, she'd get mad. Yeah, and I think we don't feel that much So like you got to say something crazy I was on this tour bus saying horrible shit and then I got out in front of like the grips and the other people and I said a Uvalde joke and they were all
Starting point is 00:03:59 like Right. What the fuck was that? I was like, oh I was joking. That's a joke I'm like to me i'm just saying the worst thing i can to get a reaction i like that you said that that we don't feel that much that's that made me feel better all right yeah well it's not that we're sociopaths we just the words are numb you know right and when you started open mics you're just around people saying the most horrible shit ever and then then you're like, oh, okay. You're numb.
Starting point is 00:04:26 We're desensitized. I mean, you know, it's not, you know, we're not bad people, I don't think. I don't know. No, no. Of course not. It's debatable. It's debatable. But I do think that like when like COVID hit and shit and I would be reading the news and
Starting point is 00:04:38 all of a sudden like it started to like affect me. I was like, oh no, this is bad. Yeah. Because it was like the scabs of years of talking to other comics which were just sort of like yes wearing down and i was like oh i'm not as funny anymore like i'm i can tell because i'm reading the news and nothing's coming to mind except this is tragic you know like yes and that was like a bad sign yeah when you when you have uh empathy right i felt it coming back i was like
Starting point is 00:05:05 oh no this is gonna be so bad for me you have to distance yourself right that's like that's like the comedic trait where you're like it doesn't mean that we don't feel but it means like we have to we have to kind of immediately distance ourself or else there's no joke yeah yeah you're dissociated a little bit yeah and it sucks that we can't we grieve our way you know you go to a funeral people are crying they're hugging the casket going no and i'm going hey uh you know he's got a boner in there and they're like what's wrong with you i'm like this is how i grieve you know right i grieve the way i grieve comics funerals are the best oh the best those are fucking great you trash a dead person yeah it's fun it's love that's literally the jewish faith we dump the rocks on the, you know.
Starting point is 00:05:46 Really? On the casket. Yeah, you just start throwing the rocks on the casket. It's weird, yeah. Wait, what? Yeah, you don't see that ever? I didn't know about the rocks. Yeah, you push the rocks on, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:54 I thought that was a Muslim thing. No, that's when women try to vote. Or drive. Yes. How do you like writing for SNL right now? Well, I'm not right now. Thank you so much. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Look at that. It just went on break, though. About to relapse. Yeah. You sure that's the right one? Positive. Positive. Okay.
Starting point is 00:06:16 I do like it. Oh, my God. That's so good. Yeah, he's good. Mocktail for Rosebud. We're going, whoa, what? Is that a rose? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:23 Are you trying to fuck us? It tastes like my mom's soap. I feel like it's been great. Like it was kind of like it felt like going to like getting paid to go to Harvard or something for a little while. Oh, yeah. Comedy school. Not my favorite. It's not my type of.
Starting point is 00:06:42 It's well made. It's just not my type of cocktail. I like it. It's a little too like Potpourri for you It's a little too potpourri I love a rose flavor At anything Yeah
Starting point is 00:06:49 No it's interesting I feel like I'm the Girl in American Beauty Right now You know Your tits are bigger That was fun Never mind
Starting point is 00:07:00 What Well that's one of those Movies where you're like I was like this is amazing And then five years later I was like this movie Kind of sucks. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:05 Absolutely sucks. It's pretentious as hell. Yeah. Very precious. The bag floating? Get out of here. Yeah. The monologue at the end.
Starting point is 00:07:12 Yeah. Whew. Spacey is great, and Annette Bening's hot and great. Oh, yeah. She gets plowed by Peter Gallagher. Good time. Her legs are up. You can tell how much older I'm getting, but every time I watch that movie, I relate more and more to her being like, don't get anything on the couch.
Starting point is 00:07:29 I'm more and more on her side. As I get older, I'm like, no, I completely get it. Oh, yeah. I saw Peter Gallagher in a bodega once when we must have been eighth or ninth grade and we're all hammered. Did you guys have an eyebrow off? I don't know who to want. That's a tough one. That's a tough one. Me and my friends were shit-faced holding like 40s we're holding like oh
Starting point is 00:07:48 and i was like you're fucking peter gallagher and he was just like and his wife goes no that's nice he was so annoyed by oh really that was like a drunk film nerd yeah yeah that's a big deal you knew that was as a kid. Yeah. That's pretty good. I'd seen While You Were Sleeping. I'd seen a bunch of his shit. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:10 Guys and Dolls. Whoa. What happened to his eyebrows? He shaved them. He lost a bit. Oh, wow. He is a completely different man without those things. Yeah, he looks like Thomas Hayden Church without those.
Starting point is 00:08:21 He's so hot. Is he a hot guy? He is a hot guy, yeah. He's a good looking dude. I can't tell. He's definitely a good Is he a hot guy? He is a hot guy, yeah. He's a good looking dude. I can't tell. He's definitely a good looking dude. He's like a romantic lead. Oh, yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 00:08:29 Yeah. Okay. But so is Seth Rogen. You know what? He's like a hotter, what's his name? Saturday Night Fever. Why am I blanking? Yeah, he's a hotter.
Starting point is 00:08:38 He's hotter than Travolta? Yeah, Travolta. Because Travolta ended up, yeah, first of all, gay. Second, has that Scientology smile. Yes, yes. You know? He's got a glow of like, I've been transformed. Yeah, like there's just like nothing behind his fucking eyes.
Starting point is 00:08:55 Right, I'm in a cult. I'm kind of turned on by that, though. Yeah. Of course. We were talking about SNL. Sorry, I cut you off with American Beauty. Yeah, it's been cool it's been like i mean physically it's just fucking so hard on you yeah uh but you're doing the road yeah and i'm doing the road and like i uh but it it's a cool thing to be this like far into comedy and go oh here's something that i never really learned how to do and like to try to teach yourself that from zero yes because writing live sketch versus writing
Starting point is 00:09:33 sketch for tv is just such a completely different animal right and um nothing can be subtle like subtlety never plays it has to be like really fucking obvious or else the audience in the room doesn't get it. You know? Not to mention you are doing these for like tourists. Yes, and young people. And young people, yeah. And I've seen your act a bunch, you're pretty dry.
Starting point is 00:09:58 Yeah. You know, we're both pretty dry. Yeah. So like, I wonder how that is to write big broad kind of sketches when you it's good because i'm like i never really i'm not that silly yes you know and so to be in that environment and to kind of like learn how to be funny in that way that's been really cool for me are you silly with andy because yes yeah so it's like you have that but then you have to make it broad right yes yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:10:22 so it's a different it's just a different skill set. And I remember going in and watching like the first table read and hearing one of my sketches and going, oh, that was real bad. And the scariest part of that was I have no idea why. Oh, that is tough. It's one thing to bomb and know exactly what happened. It's another thing to bomb and be like, I don't know how I'm going to avoid that. Yeah. You know?
Starting point is 00:10:47 You're the newer person. Yes. What do people say when it bombs like that? Do they say anything? They don't say anything. It's like, I wish you could just be like, skip it. You know? Like, I wish you could be up in the bleachers just like,
Starting point is 00:10:59 just skip it. It's fine. There's fucking seven more pages. Just get, just move on, you know? Damn. But they have, you know? Damn. But they have to read the whole thing. And sometimes you'll see Lorne looking how many pages are left. Oh.
Starting point is 00:11:13 Wow. How much longer? And you're like, oh, no. That's the YouTube. You press the button. Yeah, yeah. Thank God, 20 seconds. Yeah, you're like, oh, fuck.
Starting point is 00:11:20 Yeah. But finally, by the end of the season i would be writing stuff and i would know exactly what wasn't gonna play and why it wasn't gonna play and and then to see it like play out exactly how i thought it would i'd be like oh okay i finally know what i'm doing wrong i can't say i've gotten great at it like i still feel like i have no business being there but i i'm like i'm learning it yeah you know and they let you learn they don't go ah you you tried and failed well we'll see i mean i still haven't i'm gonna find out we know a couple people got in and out yeah quick well i mean it's
Starting point is 00:11:57 a high pressure job i saw bill hader in an interview just be like yeah i was miserable yeah yeah i mean there's like i think there's times when you're miserable but it's like this is just from what i've observed i it it's still there's something so kind of like addicting about it yeah i mean it's the same as stand-up you know it's so intense you're like putting everything into it you let your personal life fall to pieces and you just fucking throw your whole self into it so it's yeah it's misery but comedy is misery oh literally the last two nights i had no set so i'm gonna i think i had two last night and then sunday i had nine i just text liz the
Starting point is 00:12:36 seller i'm like uh if anyone cancels she's like chris red stuck in canada you want to do four i'm like yep then he's still stuck in canada monday she's like you want to do another three so i'm just like yep i'm just at the cellar i'm like yeah let's just neglect my entire life downing fucking booze at the at the fat black bar greg stone started a show called night cream where he just sings auto-tune it's incredible he's so funny there's an audience dude he started that during the pandemic. It's incredible. Yeah. Dude, he can kind of sing.
Starting point is 00:13:08 What? It's weird. So it's stand up. And then at the end of the show, Greg just starts doing auto tune and being fucking crazy. And he's doing bits kind of through it. It's murdering. Yeah. Come on.
Starting point is 00:13:19 Murdering. It's so funny. And then everyone's just hanging out, having fun. And just everyone. I'm like, it's like a party. Hopefully, I do it every Monday at the Fat Black Lounge at the Cellar. It's worth going to. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:13:29 Yeah, it's really funny. Didn't he do a music video as Night Cream? See, you can pull that up as Night Cream. His band is called Night Cream, and it's him and another comic. And they basically wrote an album in one day during the pandemic. And it's all improvised. And it's hilarious. I mean, I'm just like, it's the craziest thing.
Starting point is 00:13:51 Like Stone Night Cream, maybe? I don't know. Is it jokes? I don't get where the laugh's coming. It's weird. I don't know how to explain it. It's improvised. It's so silly.
Starting point is 00:13:59 It's so silly. He takes something someone says and turns it into a song. But it's fucking weird and silly. So it's like singing crowd work almost. Yeah. Almost, yeah. Yeah, pretty much. Great name.
Starting point is 00:14:08 I don't know if this is going to be a good clip or not because I haven't seen this. This looks like Soul Jails. Yeah, I don't think this is the music video. Oh, okay. Oh, there's a music video? Yeah. We don't want to play a stand-up. This is a comedy show.
Starting point is 00:14:21 Just joking, Greg. This is a music video? I don't... Night Cream. Night Cream. Night night cream that's a great name uh by the way this drink gets better every sip yeah actually it's growing on me yeah i was gonna have an alternative for you but if you need another one no the raspberry and the raspberry needed a second we gotta get to get Greg on here. Yeah, Greg's got to come on. He's so funny.
Starting point is 00:14:46 Maybe you could do this on the pod. Yes. Yeah, chopping wood is what he calls sex. So the song is chopping wood. All right, it's funny. It's pretty funny. I didn't mean to just play a whole thing here, but I thought it was fun.
Starting point is 00:15:11 Check it out. He's doing it at the Comedy Cellar, hopefully every Monday. It's like a whole show. DeVito went on. Simeon Goodson, who's hilarious also, went on. It was a good show. All right. Wow, how did they pitch that one?
Starting point is 00:15:21 Liz somehow saw it. I don't know if she saw it at another club club and she was like, you got to do this. I bet you he showed her the music video. I bet that's what it was. But she was pumped for it. Yeah, it's very funny. This bitch might be crazy. So yeah, what were like highlights?
Starting point is 00:15:36 Were there any guests you were like or hosts this season? We were like, oh, this is pretty awesome. It's so like, it's so, it's such a lame answer, but I can barely remember the hosts. Like, because you're so. It's so, like, it's such a lame answer, but I can barely remember the hosts, like, because you're so sleep-deprived and shit. But I gotta say, like, Lizzo was fucking great. She really, like, she hosted and she was a musical guest and she did update during the dress rehearsal.
Starting point is 00:16:02 Wow, jeez. So I've never seen anybody do that much work like she when i went into her dressing room to give her notes she was every time i saw her off stage she was lying down she was just like literally preserving all her energy yes and and then i saw her performing i was literally like This bitch I get it Like for her to lie down The whole time
Starting point is 00:16:28 I was like That's perfect Good for her That's what we should be doing Yes exactly Yeah Because you lose so much energy Talking to the manager of the club
Starting point is 00:16:36 The waiter The fans The photos after You just burnt out Yeah And I don't I don't know anybody Who's been a host
Starting point is 00:16:42 And a musical guest That's also wanted to do update. That's like your time off. True, true. You know? I heard about this. I think I've told this before, but there was a rock star. I'm not going to say his name, but he puts his hood up, and that means don't talk to me.
Starting point is 00:16:54 And then he'll take the hood down, and anybody can say, hello, how are you, take a photo. So that's like his way of nicely saying, leave me the fuck alone. I heard the KKK does the same thing. Yeah, don't bother me. Sorry, i stepped on that that was funny well airpods i think somebody can still go and you gotta do this shit you know but with the hood up everybody just knew that was his rule oh that's a that's a fucking peeve the airpods in it is a peeve of mine yeah i get why people do it but it bugs me a little bit when they don't take them out yeah when they're just talking to you with the airpods yeah that is. Because you get a lot of, what? Yes.
Starting point is 00:17:27 Right. I saw a guy in front of me at the bank doing that. I'm like, just take them out for the conversation. Right, right. Exactly. But how many people are you approaching with AirPods in? I'm not doing it. I mean, sometimes I have men, you see someone on the street, you take them out for the conversation.
Starting point is 00:17:41 Right, yeah. But then maybe it's a conversation, you want to have a really long one, so you take one out. Take one. Right. Exactly. That's what I conversation. Right, yeah. But then maybe it's a conversation you want to have a really long one, so you take one out. You take one. Right. Exactly. That's what I do. What? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:48 But talking about SNL, I read the Bernie Brillstein book and John Belushi said he did four years and he said it's like high school. Yeah. You do four years and you graduate. Yeah. Well, Keenan's been there for like 20 years, right?
Starting point is 00:18:02 Yeah. Well, a lot of the cast has been there for a long time. Yeah. I think that there's like, I think before 80 and Kyle and Kate and fucking 80 Kyle, Kate. Is Kate still there? Kate McKinnon? No, she left.
Starting point is 00:18:19 No, she just left. Oh, she left. Okay. But like, I think the cast had been there the longest of any cast. Oh, wow. Damn. That they were just like sticking around for a while. Okay. But like, I think the cast had been there the longest of any cast. Oh, wow. Damn. That they were just like sticking around for a while.
Starting point is 00:18:32 I wonder if it's just terrifying because you have, it's not like the old days where you just were guaranteed. They don't make comedy movies anymore, really. Right. Like back in the day, you were just in a movie. Yeah. You graduated to movies. People, but you look at a lot of those SNL guys from back, you know, like what, 12 years ago or so, and they all have their own shows.
Starting point is 00:18:45 Like you look at like, you know, Jason Sudeikis and Bill Hader. Yeah. I mean, a lot of them just have their own thing. But it did take long. Like the way that the entertainment industry has changed, I'm like, it takes so much longer to build sort of longevity, you know, because you have, there's, you can can have your own show but that doesn't mean everybody's gonna watch it it's like there's so many platforms and there's so many different ways to watch things that you could have a massively successful show on one platform and people still don't fucking know about it yeah there's so many shows that we don't know about i know i put
Starting point is 00:19:22 on i i was with a girl the other night and I put on 30 Rock and she's like, what is this? What? I mean, she was 14. But no, no,
Starting point is 00:19:31 but she was like, what is this? And I was like, I mean, are you kidding me? She goes, she goes, Tina Fey?
Starting point is 00:19:36 And I was like, yeah, it's like one of the best shows ever. What are you talking about? Damn. And then, did she not know who Tina Fey was? She did,
Starting point is 00:19:42 but she was like, yeah, she's not funny. And I was like, are you kidding me? Are you fucking serious? Yeah. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:19:48 Was she in a hajib or whatever? Hajab? Where'd you find this lady? And she was like, Alec Baldwin. I was like, this is like one of the best comic actors ever. What are you talking about? He shot a lady. Did something happen?
Starting point is 00:20:01 You're like, he's a little rusty. That was the name of the movie. But. Yeah. Yeah. you're like he's a little rusty that was the name of the movie um but uh yeah yeah so you're i they don't make comedy movies like they used to no it's like it is no they don't they definitely i miss the 90s in that way because like how many great we can't say they were all fucking great you know it's like we had had Rodney King. Right. That was 92. I mean, if you look at like how many of those actually did not do great in the box office. Oh, the movies. The movies. I'm talking about the ones that came out. Oh, I thought you meant the 90s.
Starting point is 00:20:34 I see. No, no, no. No, yeah, you're right. Yeah. I thought you were talking about a hit in the 90s. And I was like, yeah, that did. Definitely a hit. Got great ratings.
Starting point is 00:20:44 But yeah, we had Tommy Boy ratings but yeah we had well you had tommy boy but then you had night of the roxbury i thought roxbury was kind of fun it's got a moment yeah it's got moments it was i don't know i mean if you look i don't i don't remember a single moment from it though same you know but before it was just like the natural progression was like you had molly shannon do what's her face Face, Catherine Gallagher, and then she did Superstar. You had the Night at the Roxbury with Will Ferrell and what's his face, Catan, and then it became a movie. It was just such a normal trajectory, and now that's over.
Starting point is 00:21:15 Yeah, I mean, Will Ferrell kind of was the king of the 90s. Like every movie that he was involved in besides Night at the Roxbury. Yeah. I mean, it was just i was like re-watching anchorman which has kind of been ruined at this point just from the amount of like times it's been quoted to me but yeah but like that movie was so fucking good yeah amazing it was so funny anchorman um the other guys have you guys seen that oh yeah that's one of his later movies that's a great movie. Old school.
Starting point is 00:21:45 That's like, actually, I'm surprised by how many people haven't seen The Other Guys. True. It's great. It's so funny. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Step Brothers. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:54 Step Brothers. But a lot of those were like the early aughts. I feel like the 90s was like, it was like Sandler. Talladega Nights. Sandler, Jim Carrey. True. Chris Tucker. That's like. Eddie murphy still yeah you know like
Starting point is 00:22:07 how you talk to your dad about baseball if you have a bad relationship mine is all me and my dad talk about our will ferrell movies and that's like yeah that's like how we keep our relationship on safe territory i remember i remember my biological father his wife's like just come over there'll be a baseball game on like all right fine and then I get there there's no game on I'm like I was told there'd be a buffer this is fucking rude we saw
Starting point is 00:22:29 I remember we saw we just have to make strong eye contact all day I remember he took me to see Walk Hard he was like
Starting point is 00:22:36 let's see something mindless and as mindless it is there's still a subplot of like he's like I'm sorry I was a bad father son I'm like come on
Starting point is 00:22:44 this was supposed to be the safe bet you guys are just watching and not blinking oh yeah brutal i don't have a buffer with that you at least you guys have that but do you have a good relationship with your dad well it's just co-workery you know it's hot out yeah yeah they have a water cooler in their home right yeah yeah that's the other thing about SNL is that there's something, you're obviously in a corporate environment, even though you're making comedy. Sure.
Starting point is 00:23:10 You're like, you're still in a corporate job, so you can't, this is where stand-ups have a hard time there, because it's like, it's not about you. Right. It's just not about you. It's a production. Yeah, it's a production. You are a tiny part of a fucking gigantic thing.
Starting point is 00:23:26 Were there any humbling moments like that where you're like? I barely have the self-esteem, you know what I mean? But walking in, seeing my first sketch just completely bomb and being like, oh, I have no idea what to do or how to avoid this next week. And I was walking up to Brian Tucker, who's one of the best writers. He's a great guy, too. One of the best sketch writers I've ever seen
Starting point is 00:23:50 and such a nice dude. He's been there forever. He's been there for so long, right? Yeah, he's been there for a while. And he was head writer for a while, and now he's a senior writer. Wow. And that was his choice.
Starting point is 00:24:03 You know what I mean? He was like, I I think I'm assuming and he like I walked into his office after hearing my first sketch bomb and I was like hey Brian I was like so there are there like any books I can read like I was like for real like asking for a book on how to write sketch because that's how desperate I was. I was like, I need some kind of, I'm like, give me some rules, some regulations. I don't know how to do this. You know, I'm not, I didn't come up in the sketch world.
Starting point is 00:24:32 I came up doing comedy. And you can learn how to write a joke. There's millions of jokes. You can, and they're two lines. You know what I mean? Like the best ones. And so you can go, oh, there's the premise. That's the turn. That's the turn.
Starting point is 00:24:45 There's the punchline. Boom. Like I can see how that works. Yeah, there's not a ton on sketch. You're right. You just have to watch a bunch, I guess. You kind of, you got to like, it's like chess. I mean, you just have to fucking fail to get good at it.
Starting point is 00:25:00 But that's all, that's all anything in entertainment, right? Every part you have to kind of just learn, right? Right, yeah. But you're learning on the biggest platform of sketch comedy of all time. Yeah, it's scary. But I love it. I like it. I mean, SNL, it's like just there's no show like it where you have to have a new killer sketch.
Starting point is 00:25:20 Like a whole episode every week. It's insane. Insane. I mean, every other show you can take your time yes i mean also the live audience there is something still pretty insane about it yeah oh yeah yeah it's very cool i remember like walking through the showroom on saturday and like seeing the like on-air sign and being like am i in the 50s like it's so cool yeah to be in that environment i remember watching like on comedy central they would do reruns all day remember back in the day so you
Starting point is 00:25:51 just get like you know ge smith and the saturday night live band you're like oh my god this is so yeah that what was your favorite era of snl i mean i'd have to say like the 90s were my favorite era but like that original cast was just the best. Oh, yeah. You know, and I think there's something that's naturally really nostalgic when people think about their favorite time of SNL. It's always like right as they were growing up.
Starting point is 00:26:16 Every time, every time. But I will say when Che got the gig, Michael Che first got it. I mean, he was just an open, not an open mic, but he was like a working comic. Yeah. Young guy, alcoholic, fun, friend of ours. And he's like, come to the show. And I was like, okay.
Starting point is 00:26:33 And I remember sitting in his dressing room and we're just downing tequila. Yeah. And I was like, what are we doing here? You got to go on. He's like, ah, it's fine. And I remember walking the bowels of 30 rock and like looking at stuff all the photos and the touch and everything yeah it was amazing it's amazing i remember walking through that hall the first day and like it hadn't really occurred to me that that i had gotten the
Starting point is 00:26:57 job like i knew that i'd gotten the job but i was like walking through that hall where you see every cast member in the writers yes floor and being like, well, there's every hero I ever had. Exactly. Being like, you don't deserve this. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. I remember sneaking into Lorne's office,
Starting point is 00:27:15 and he's got that window that overlooks the whole stage and the audience, and that was pretty cool. And you're like, he's been blown in here. You snuck in there? Yeah, yeah. I had to do it. Did you blow him? I did. I blew him, i did i blew him yeah still don't get the gig mr norman yeah he's like this is a mad tv worthy we did kids in the hall yeah yeah there are new things supposed to be good it's great it's really
Starting point is 00:27:41 good oh really yeah yeah i was watching amazon um yeah it's on amazon do you know what i just fucking watched that's here's a wreck for you if you haven't seen it uh dina hasham texted me to watch uh she's like have you seen who framed roger rabbit and i was like not since i was a kid yeah i've seen that no so i just watched it you know just she's like it's noir it's silly it's funny yeah dude it's great it's so good it's incredible it's so good for lloyd it's been a while yeah yeah yeah it's a really artistic movie actually when i think about it oh my it's brilliant yeah i mean to make it like a clean the clean jokes like instead of the wife's fucking around on them it's uh she played patty cakes with another yeah yeah it's great yeah and also
Starting point is 00:28:23 the uh just the way like i love the noir aspect where you know betty boop is like yeah i had lost all this work since uh since tunes went to color she's like but i still got it he's like yeah kid you do it's so dumb and great i love it jessica rabbit the the big gorilla who's the in the tuxedo is the bouncer. Oh, I used to love that movie. So good. The car is funny. This is Boulevardier? Yeah. This is stronger. It's good.
Starting point is 00:28:51 It's pretty much the same. Sam's coming back. It's just a lot more. I am coming back. Bligger forward. This is a terrible. I feel like we're the opposite of role models on this pod. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:01 Just keep drinking, and you'll kill your hangover, guys. Exactly, exactly. Hair of the dog, baby. It is how it fixes it. Mark, same thing for you? Another round, or would you like something different? Go Boulevardier with Oh, yeah. Just, you know, keep drinking and you'll kill your hangover. Exactly, exactly. Hair of the dog, baby. It is how it fixes it. Mark, same thing for you? Another round? Or would you like something different? Go Boulevardier with me, dude.
Starting point is 00:29:09 Yeah, I'll try a bull. Let's do it. All right. Can't wait till we're doing these with Bodega Cat. Is there a part of you that's glad you're sober for these after parties?
Starting point is 00:29:16 Because those get pretty wild. Dude, there's never a part of me that's glad I'm sober. Oh, okay. I'm never, like, glad I'm sober unless I'm, like, listening to like my
Starting point is 00:29:26 friends you know if i'm on when i was on the road with bert and he would wake up in the morning hung over on that bus i would be like okay i'm glad i'm sober but it's like you only get that in the morning you don't get that at night when everyone's having fun that's true you know what i mean but there is like a gift that comes with it we're like i'll leave right before shit goes down yeah that i don't want to be there for like i get so many calls being like dude right after you left the craziest shit happened and i'm just i'm always like a classic a tell bit you should have hung out man what happened yeah oh yeah and i'm all but i'm always like thank god i didn't see that yeah it gets always one of my friends losing their mind in front of it like in front of people that matter
Starting point is 00:30:11 nothing good happens late i mean it really i bring vita on the road with me for a reason i need a sober guy to be like don't do that yeah yeah yeah that's the other thing is like people uh people know i'm gonna show up on time. Right. They know I'm going to like be there. Like I'm not going to do anything insane. Yeah. There's a darkness to that after hours. Right.
Starting point is 00:30:34 There's a lady thing or a woman starts crying. Right. Oh, my God. Something happens. Something always happens. She's always crying. Always. And I don't know what's happening.
Starting point is 00:30:42 I know. Well, neither do they. They're not. They don't know why they're crying. It has nothing to do with whatever happened. You know what's happening i know well neither do they they're not they don't know why they're crying it has nothing to do with whatever happened you know what i mean right right like you ever see like a table of girls out one night and you're like that's gonna end badly girls are all dressed up always and i can always i can always tell which one's gonna cry too yeah i know which one's gonna cry yeah it's always the loudest one yes the cry it's always the loudest one the one that's like the loudest
Starting point is 00:31:06 the most confident she's leading the fucking party and then when she cries they all sort of huddle around her they all are like it's okay I made a woman in the crowd cry on Saturday at Hilarities in Cleveland I was oh shit I have one of these
Starting point is 00:31:21 I made her cry I think I told you this already I don't think I told you, but it was the day of the abortion ruling. Oh, I saw the tweets. And I just, you know, I'll tell you this too. All the jokes were pro-women. All the jokes, not that it matters because it's a comedy show,
Starting point is 00:31:36 but they were, you know, I said, hey, I'm for women's right to choose. Here's 10 minutes of abortion jokes. Yeah. They're killing. One woman starts hysterically crying. She runs out. I was like, I don't know. I're killing. One woman starts hysterically crying. She runs out. I was like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:31:46 I kind of wish we had a talk about it. I feel like all abortion jokes are pro-women. For the most part. For the most part. I have one that's... But I cover it up. I tag it with a pro word. He calls all women dirty whores.
Starting point is 00:32:00 But you got to be there. It's still better than being a comedian. It's an easy joke. but you gotta be there no it's uh you know we uh it's still better than being a comedian it's an easy joke it's uh some lady yells at me for telling an abortion joke and she's like I've had an abortion and I'm like well what you did was worse but that's not even anti it's just a joke
Starting point is 00:32:17 and then I spin it around but you know uh I will say I get I'm not mad when you're offended honestly cause I get why you're emotional that day. So I'm kind of like, yeah, that's okay. It's misplaced. I'm not who you're mad at.
Starting point is 00:32:31 But I think the left does that a lot where they will, instead of being like, fuck Republicans or like, fuck this overturning. They're like, fuck you. And I'm like, I was just saying I'm on your side. But it doesn't matter. There's like misplaced anger. That's true. Yeah. Yeah yeah there is a lot of that i feel like that's um i don't know i i i kind of i made somebody cry this weekend but it wasn't the it wasn't over the abortion stuff they were um it was like a guy keeping it yeah i killed himself. It was like a guy who came to my show and was like, said some shit about, I guess he listens to the podcast with me and Andy and I make fun of Andy a lot and he makes fun
Starting point is 00:33:15 of me a lot. And that's just like our dynamic. Right. But then people think that they can do that. Right. And they don't, A, they don't have the skill to do it in a funny way and then b they don't fucking know him right you know so he was trying to like make fun of him and then as i was as i was listening to this i was like i could just laugh and like let this go but then i
Starting point is 00:33:36 was like that's such a shitty person thing that you know what i mean and i just got pissed and i was like hey dude i was like maybe nobody like ever loved you enough to stand up to you or stand up for you and i was like but what you said it was uh fucking rude i was like you know i don't know you at all and uh you should think about that next time you talk to a comic and i just i just was like i was really honest but this man grown man started to cry damn started to cry i'm talking like 30 that's too old pretty old to cry in public yeah yeah this is on stage to audience no this was after the show i came out after the show and he was going into the next show i thought he was there at the show before but he was there for the second show so then i had to perform for this guy did you do your bit about men who cry it's just so unattractive right am i right it's just
Starting point is 00:34:32 disgusting yeah your face is wet but i'm not nick riffin does a great joke about how guys when they cry they always try to toughen it up by throwing a few curse words in there like fucking shit yeah like yeah still you're still crying in public yeah yeah it's also just like so uncomfortable by throwing a few curse words in there. They're like, fucking shit. Yeah. That's so true. You're still crying in public. Yeah, yeah. That's so true. It's also just so uncomfortable. I've never seen a man cry in an attractive way because they just haven't for so long.
Starting point is 00:34:53 Yeah. So their face looks constipated. No etiquette. You know? Yes, yes, exactly. It's true. Their face looks like an asshole that just fucking. The only handsome cry might be,
Starting point is 00:35:04 and if you can pull this up, Peters, what's in the box? Seven, Brad Pitt holding a gun. Oh, there's handsome cries. Denzel, the one teardrop, come on. Oh, yeah. But look how cute. His wife's head's in a box. Come on.
Starting point is 00:35:20 Yeah, but that's Brad Pitt. That's true. He can't. John Doe's got the upper hand. Damn, he looks good crying, too. Yeah, he's a hunk. Pull up the Denzel one. I don't know, though. I don't know. You got, like, look at his mouth.
Starting point is 00:35:30 Glory. Yeah, all right, all right. You know what I'm saying? You get wife and head in a box pass. Oh, that's a good cry. That's a good fucking cry. Is that a slave cry? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:42 Yeah. Glory. Yeah. Love a slave cry. Denzel is fucking cool. Jesus Christ. I mean, like a good cinematic. No that a slave cry? Yeah. Yeah. Love a slave cry. Denzel is fucking cool. Jesus Christ. I mean, no,
Starting point is 00:35:47 it's powerful. Jesus fucking Christ. Oh no. There goes my job. That fool of RDA. I know, right? Mark,
Starting point is 00:35:57 put that hood up. Who's that? Wait, go back to that last one. Go back to that last one. That's disgusting. Who's that? Who's that guy?
Starting point is 00:36:05 Harry Styles? What are the best cries ever? Can we. That's disgusting. Who's that? Who's that guy? Harry Styles? What are the best cries ever? Can we get like best oh you want to talk about a fucking pet peeve. It's people that go on social media to cry. I got a good one.
Starting point is 00:36:15 That drives me fucking crazy. I'm going to send you a great photo. A woman left my show crying in Tampa. How many cries you racking up here?
Starting point is 00:36:22 This is from years ago but I had to save the photo because it's so fucking funny. She took a picture of herself crying. Yeah. And tag. In the comments. I'm sending it to Peters.
Starting point is 00:36:30 You can pull it up. And she wrote, leaving your show crying. You're going to like this. I just. Jesus Christ. See, these people are all going through shit. This guy crying at your show. He's got some issues.
Starting point is 00:36:40 Can you imagine how insane you'd have to be to take a photo of yourself, send it to a stranger and be like, you made me cry. Like, that's I don't understand. In what world is that? Like, you're getting one in on them. I know. I know. I don't get it.
Starting point is 00:36:54 Well, the cry trumps things. That's why they do it. There she is. If you zoom in, it says leaving your show crying. OK. You can X out the name. We don't give real names here. But like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:04 Yeah, that's first of all, I don't see give real names here but like yeah yeah that's um first of all i don't see the tears yeah so that's fake yeah damn she's just so crying same haircut as my mom surprise surprise what are the best movie crying scenes i want to see what they go milk money i remember that movie wasn't that Stand By Me. Wasn't that Melanie Griffith? Yeah. She was hot, dude. Super hot in that. That one's good. What are we going to do?
Starting point is 00:37:29 Jerk off to this? I don't get it. Captain Phillips? I don't remember that one. That's what I jerk off to. Men crying. Wilson Vince is great in Captain Phillips. That's a David Tell joke.
Starting point is 00:37:42 It's not your fault. That's a good cry. That's a great cry. That is a good cry. That's a good fucking cry. That's a good cry. That's a great cry. That is a good cry. That's a good fucking cry. That is a great cry. I can't even cry for... Oh, Mystic River.
Starting point is 00:37:50 That was good. Sean Penn killed it. I'm not going to cry for you. Yeah, Tom Cruise is fucking great in Magnolia. I'm not going to cry for you. Yeah. All of these are men crying. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:01 Good point. Yeah. Well, the women crying would be too long of a list. Right. It's too many. They're also like, it's not exceptional, you know? You know why? Because women take photos of themselves crying
Starting point is 00:38:13 and then send them to people that they don't even know. Yeah, no dude has ever done that. Leaving your show crying, here's proof. It's like, what? I know, get it together. Crying is definitely a's proof. It's like, what? I know. Get it together. Crying is definitely a private moment.
Starting point is 00:38:29 It is. It's like, I mean, maybe this is because I was raised by, you know, Republicans. But I wasn't encouraged in my house to, like, cry like that. I still don't do it in public. Like, I go to therapy and I'll sit on the couch and before he even walks in, I'll start crying just because I'm like, well, this is where I do this. Right. You know, but like.
Starting point is 00:38:50 So you do the road, you write for SNL and you go to therapy every week? I go to, not every week. I do therapy. Now I do it over the phone and I do it like once every two weeks. But I'd been in therapy for like so long that it's like when i go now it's like going to get a massage or something i like literally treat myself to therapy because i'm like whatever yeah i could use it do you ever have the thing where you're making up stuff because you're like i'm here no i'm generally like yeah but i understand i totally
Starting point is 00:39:23 understand the uh the desire to do that. And I tried to explain that to my therapist one time. And he was like, so what, you think you only need this when things are bad? And I was like, well, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I'm not going to the gym if I'm thin. Right.
Starting point is 00:39:38 Yeah, but that's what he said. He goes, so do you only, he's like, the only way to stay thin is to keep going to the gym. And I was like, oh, that checks out. That makes sense. That makes sense. Like, you got to just stay on top of it. He's got you there. But you're not going to the doctor when you're healthy.
Starting point is 00:39:52 No, I'm not going to the doctor even if I'm not healthy. Yeah, I don't either. I'm just avoiding the fucking doctor. It's hard to go to the doctor. Yeah. Do you have health care? I do, and I still avoid it. I still don't want to know.
Starting point is 00:40:01 I'm like, don't fucking tell me. If I have a mole that's questionable, I'm like, I'll just I'll find out really answer one day I'll find out yeah I'm just like I don't want to fucking know I don't want to know it's the only thing that I think kept me from being an opioid addict is that I didn't I hate the doctor's office wow good point you know you couldn't get a script yeah there's no way I would keep doing a drug that made me go to the doctors every time. Right. People really fucking, opioid thing is crazy. That's an epidemic.
Starting point is 00:40:31 I'm saying the obvious, but it's crazy how many people die from it. It is so bad. I mean, especially considering how we made such a huge deal out of COVID. Yes. And I kept thinking about the opioid crisis during this whole time because i was like well this is just raging and it's getting worse yeah and every fucking day i'm like no one even it's it's so weird it's people's kids i know and they've passed all these laws where you can't sue them or whatever and nobody seems to give a shit have you seen
Starting point is 00:41:01 dope sick oh it's good it's amazing. Fucking so good. Michael Keaton is like, I think it might be the best I've ever seen him. I'm like, he's so fucking good in it. It's great. It's heavy. It's really heavy. It's like really good and necessary, but no one still cares. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:18 Yeah. We need a few more TV shows. Yeah. I know, right? What about, so you're on the road every week and it's like it i mean i was texting you at a club you were having a club was not treating you well right yeah yeah i had this experience at a club once where i like i had texted sam because i knew i was like who's on the road and pissed about it i was like you know what i mean and you got me a weekend when i was in a good
Starting point is 00:41:42 i was in a good mood yeah yeah yeah and i was like uh i kind of wished that you had been having a bad weekend because i was like not on you but just to keep the bond yeah keep it going yeah because i was like there's so much more poison i could spew about this but i had been all right so i did this club and the first day i get there i was like hey you know are there any dates that i should be concerned about any like where the numbers are low like i can just do a last minute like blast just fucking promote and they were like no no it's actually like we've got better numbers than we've had in a few weeks and i was like great all right awesome next day i get there first show's great second show like as the first show is filing out the manager gets over the pa system and goes all right so um
Starting point is 00:42:28 we only have 12 tickets sold to the next show and we're gonna have to cut the uh unless we get 15 we're gonna have to axe the second show and i i'm standing next to her i'm standing next to her and she's saying this into a mic and i turn to to her and I go, are you telling me into a microphone that the tickets are low while the audience is filing out right now? And she goes into the mic. She goes, I'm telling you. I'm telling the staff. I'm telling your features. And I go, OK, all right.
Starting point is 00:43:00 I'm going to fight this woman. I'm going to fight this bitch. Wow. I literally am going to fight her. So I asked her where the other manager was. And she looks under her, I've never been out white woman like this in my life. She looks under her desk,
Starting point is 00:43:16 like checks under the desk and then checks in the sky and goes, I don't know where he is. Oh. And I was like, okay. Damn. I was like, all right. I got And I was like, okay. I was like, all right. I got, I'm like, I was like raging. When I tell you like, you know when you're so mad,
Starting point is 00:43:31 you're like shaking. Yes, yes. I was fucking shaking. So did Michael J. Fox. So yes, she gave me Parkinson's. So I go find the other manager and I go, hey, so-and-so just told me that the tickets are low uh me and everyone else um is this something you could have brought up with me when i asked you yesterday
Starting point is 00:43:51 wow why the ticket sales were low and um he was nicer about it but he was like well no i couldn't have because you know actually like sometimes they just go on up on their own. And I was like, sorry, for who? I was like, for me? Like, I'm not at that in that fucking position. Yeah. And I know you guys aren't fucking promoting. So what the fuck?
Starting point is 00:44:16 And I. This messed up. It was so messed up. That's wild. So aggressive. It was so fucking messed up. And I, nobody ever came back in the green room to ask if I wanted anything to eat. I'm talking two nights in a row.
Starting point is 00:44:30 And I was like, this is- Was this club in a mall? Yes. Mall comedy, baby. Mall comedy every time. Every time. It's just one where you're like, dude, are you pissed that I'm here? Right.
Starting point is 00:44:43 Are you upset? It felt like I walked into their living room. That's my pickup line, by the way. Are you pissed that I'm here? Right. Are you upset? Like, it felt like I walked into their living room. That's my pickup line, by the way. Are you pissed that I'm here? What did I do? I don't understand.
Starting point is 00:44:50 Well, that's the thing a lot of these clubs do now is like if it doesn't sell out or fill up, they're mad at you. Right. Well, your job is to kind of bring an audience in
Starting point is 00:44:57 and I entertain them. Right. That's the job. Yeah. Well, that's what the job used to be. It used to be. Well, the mall thing is tough because you're like,
Starting point is 00:45:04 look, Mark and I are on the road almost every week. And it's like there's that thing where we want to be. I really do like the road. But there is a party that's like, yeah, some of these weeks are feeling weeks. Yeah. Some of these weeks, like when you're performing next to a Spencer Gifts, it's hard to, you don't feel like you're living the dream. Like, are you pulling up my gigs? Yeah, let's check them out. How coming up i don't know that's a filler right there no i i i literally was looking at my gigs and i was like i think i sent them to you
Starting point is 00:45:40 and we were laughing you were like which ones are terrible yeah i'm gonna give you the honest yeah yeah i mean i knew which ones were good because i'd been i mean all the improvs are fucking amazing i like the like i really love the they just they kind of it's a well-oiled machine yeah yeah they got it down and they just they treat you like they're happy that you're there you know that's all it really takes that's all it takes honestly i am happy that i'm there yeah and the thing is like you you match i mean i i've said this again it's funny i met hilarities in cleveland recently and uh they play a thing in the beginning and it's all these comics you're saying it's a great club and i'm one of the comics oh it is a great club and i was like yeah i fucking mean that because you walk in there and nick who's the owner who's just like an awesome dude he meets you with
Starting point is 00:46:23 so much love enthusiasm that you're just like you feel good yes and then you're and also he's a great guy and like oh my god i mean that guy is like since i was like a feature there has been awesome to me yeah and the food's good the food is so good and uh it's also nice when you know they love comedy yeah right i'm like i'm not part of a money laundering scheme this is like you is like, you know what I mean? Oh, we've all been there. Oh, yeah. There's just like, you're like glad to be there because you know that they appreciate what you're doing.
Starting point is 00:46:51 Right. Money laundering, you're at a comedy club. Please don't be child prostitution. Please don't be child prostitution. Right. Or just sex trafficking. Hey, BetterHelp, folks. We're brought to you by BetterHelp.
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Starting point is 00:49:44 I like the Concord grape you know it's kind of like you're drinking wine but yet you're getting uh hydrated i drink one of these every morning just in case use liquid iv first thing in the morning before a workout when you feel run down after a long night out and manage to daily d manage to daily hydration you need some right now i think i'm hurting the single serve packaging helps you keep hydrated while on the go or on the road i got a pile of these at home yeah i hit them every day they taste good they feel good and it's nice to just know you're hydrated you got a lot of moving parts you got to lubricate folks yeah you need to stay hydrated i
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Starting point is 00:51:40 him up and i'm like he's like old he was like yeah he was like 65 when he did that I was like Jesus Christ he's choking dudes out in his 60s yeah I'm like just to stand up for the fucking comic on stage he's like he's like non-racist Clint Eastwood and Gran Torino yeah he's Greek Torino that's a low-key hilarious movie, so funny. So literally just nonstop racism. Some old slurs like, oh, I forgot about that. That was creative. Yeah. Sort of the only thing white people ever invented. When is he?
Starting point is 00:52:15 He's like 93. When is he going to stop casting himself as the tough guy? I know. I know. He's like 93. He's got he's like, you fucking piece of shit. Right. Right.
Starting point is 00:52:24 With him and the the new movie at the old folks home where Cuomo has, never mind, COVID. He's like, I'm not dying. Everybody around him is dying in the old folks home. Pull one up. This is classic. This is great. God, his face looked more and more like a vagina.
Starting point is 00:52:42 It really did. I do want to fuck his face. You ready? Oh, the spit after. Oh, she out spit him. Yeah, that's fucking funny. They had to have his wife die in the beginning to make him somewhat likable.
Starting point is 00:53:03 That's true. He's got a puss on. I want to see one of him and that lady spitting back and forth, just bigger and bigger. That's the whole movie? Yeah. I'm going to send you some links of that. Smart to make it asian though it's somehow less offensive if they're asian asian people would
Starting point is 00:53:31 love that literally it's called crazy poor asians it's amazing that it's about an old white man with a gun saying get off my lawn and we're like hell yeah dude yeah we're literally all on his side that is what all these shows come out when did this come out oh wait oh yeah holy fuck a lot has changed every show now there's somebody like yellowstone i love yellowstone but you're literally like rooting for like old white people to keep to be like they should have the whole state they should own all of montana don't replace them essentially you're just like you're like man i'm just i'm just this show is making me pretty fucking republican yeah yeah that's why every dad loves that show right isn't that i love that yellowstone's fun dude yeah it's fun my dad's been trying to get me to watch it i can't tell about rip i can't get into
Starting point is 00:54:20 it that guy rules he's sexy and he's banging a Native American, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, no, that's the other guy. Oh, shit. That's Casey. Yeah. Sorry. Rip, yeah. Oh, beautiful. Let's see what we got.
Starting point is 00:54:33 Oh, Jesus Christ. I made this edit. What do you want? I live next door. Come on, get the shit out of your mouth. Tell me what you want. And have some respect, zipper head. Zipper head. Zipperhead.
Starting point is 00:54:46 What? This is going to get us pulled from YouTube. Hey, it's in the movies. I think you're an overeducated 27-year-old version. There's a Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy. He said colored. Could have been worse. Damn, Padre.
Starting point is 00:55:04 Bullshit, this is a bar. Could have been worse. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. I kept a bunch of jabbering gooks off of my lawn. Jesus Christ. His pants. I love that his pants are up to here, too. I know. This SNL packet is brutal.
Starting point is 00:55:41 That would be great. You should write that. Just Clint Eastwood in the writer's room. I was literally thinking. I was like like this is like its own fucking sketch how many fucking face now get in the truck shut up pussy what is all this bro shit is that anthony soprano no i wish oh yeah. I thought you Asian girls were supposed to be smart. Even the compliments are rough. Jesus. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:56:12 The beginning of that last scene is hilarious, too, because he pulls up in the truck, and they're, like, bothering her or whatever, and, you know, they're trying to jump him. They're about to jump him, and he, like, pulls out. He's about to pull out a gun, and he just pulls out, like, his finger. And they're like, oh, this dude's crazy. And then he just pulls out a real gun after yeah oh yeah yeah the finger was the foreplay just like in real life wait how much longer how much longer was that video
Starting point is 00:56:35 it's five minutes that's like a hard percentage five minutes off that movie think the cold would keep all the idiots out. What about that damn wood brother of yours? He's a little slow. This must be a tough one to edit for TV. They could shave five minutes off that movie if you took out the slurs. That's fucking crazy. This shit for TNT is like, this is exhausting. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:56 Right. You should see the Grand Torino 2. It's in Wuhan. This damn bat. I haven't seen either of them. I literally haven't seen either of these movies In full It's a fun movie
Starting point is 00:57:09 It's ridiculous but Eastwood is great It's crazy to me that that was made in 2008 Oh yeah A lot of fun stuff It's like watching Blazing Saddles or something You know where you're like How was this made?
Starting point is 00:57:25 Like, it's crazy to me. I will say, Unforgiven's one of the best movies ever. Great Western. Eastwood is an incredible filmmaker. Although Million Dollar Baby stinks. Yeah, I never even saw it as a movie. Oh, it's such a cartoon. It's really bad.
Starting point is 00:57:39 And it won Best Picture. I think that was just like... Well, the best part is that he sings the song in the credits for this. It's just him singing. Wait, I don't remember that. Pull the best part is that he sings the song in the credits for this It's just him singing Wait I don't remember that Pull that up Eastwood just sings This is more offensive than the slurs
Starting point is 00:57:52 No no pull up the song of Eastwood singing the credits Salacuse And what movie? Which movie? It's Gran Torino he's singing the song in the credits I remember being in the movie theater like what? Yikes Is he singing it to a chair? That was a big moment I was like like, oh, he's senile now. That's fun.
Starting point is 00:58:10 Stuck in bodies for a few hours. This is it. You know your soundtrack, though. Yeah. What the fuck? He's like Lizzo. He does it all. Except he's laying down on the couch because he's screaming so many slurs he's tired.
Starting point is 00:58:30 He's like, oh, fuck. It took it out of me. Yeah. Dude, he sounds like... Tom Waits? Tom Waits, yeah. I never realized that Tom Waits was just Clint Eastwood. Young Tom Waits had a great voice.
Starting point is 00:58:49 Oh, yeah. He just smoked and drank himself into having this scratchy voice. I still love Tom Waits. Like Janis Joplin voice. Right. But she died so young, we never really heard bad Janis Joplin. Dude, but that was, I mean, it's like she didn't need to age. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:03 Like. Come on, come on. Steve-vo's got that now where you're like holy shit you sound insane yeah really there's smoking yeah stevo josh adam myers they got the drug addict voice yeah damn yeah dude he was tom waits is fucking awesome that first album he wrote he was like 24 wow and it's like the most mature shit you've ever heard. Tom Waits, there's another rec for you. If you haven't heard his album Closing Time or Rain Dogs, they'll blow your fucking mind. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:33 This is pretty fascinating. This is Tom Waits in an interview in Australia in 1979. Nice shot. Uh-huh. The Joker on this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa. I heard that, yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:46 How about that? Funny guy, too. Oh, yeah. Holy shit. That is Heath Ledger. Why so serious? Oh, my God. Good pull Sally
Starting point is 01:00:06 That's fucking scary That's insane Sounds just like the Joker I fucking love Tom Waits Yeah he's so cool Such a sexy guy and also like really I don't get I don't listen to him That often because if I do I'm'm like, well, that's going to be my day.
Starting point is 01:00:27 Right. You know what I mean? That's like a meal that you can't digest fully. It's going to fuck with you for the rest of the day. Right. I'm like, if I need to be in a good mood, I can't listen to this. Yes. But.
Starting point is 01:00:39 That image from Rain Dogs, they recreated that for Fight Club. Oh, is that right? So, you know the scene where ed norton is against meatloaf's tits yes that's hugging that's the cover of rain dogs so rain dogs like that song is awesome but that song is i think basically like i think it's about it i could be wrong here but i think it's about a drunk because it's like about how dogs when they get wet they lose their sense of smell and can't find their way home so it's just about a drunk like i can't get home i'm too drunk oh that's a lot of his songs are like i'm sure yeah look at that
Starting point is 01:01:08 that's fight club right yeah yeah isn't that crazy yeah bitch tits that's wild fight club is cool so fun palinick r.i.p meatloaf man oh yeah anti-vax wait when did he die he died like during COVID like five months ago yeah really missed that sucks yeah he was
Starting point is 01:01:29 yeah that went right over my fucking head oh yeah there's I mean there's just been too many it's like everyone's dying now
Starting point is 01:01:37 like we're getting to the age where the people that we watched growing up they're all dying off and you're like oh fuck just don't even look
Starting point is 01:01:43 you know what's the precursor to death is like seeing the shows you watched as a kid on nick at night yes you're like oh fuck yeah fresh prince is on nick at night right fuck 30 rock oh my god and then you walk into urban outfitters they're selling our bands t-shirts as what are they selling yeah like nirvana pearl jam all that shit you're're like, holy hell, Green Day. Yeah. And that was like a few years ago that they started doing that. I know, I know. When your musicians stop going up shirtless, you're like, shit.
Starting point is 01:02:16 Yeah. It's the fat. You're like, fuck. He's gotten fat. Yeah. And Iggy Pop and Jagger are still thin. And the Chili Peppers. They're sticking with the shirtless. Didn't Jagger, didn't
Starting point is 01:02:28 he relapse recently? Is that right? I think he was sick. He had like a heart surgery or something. He had something happen. Well, that would I mean, painkillers. That song, The Traveler. Is that it? The Passenger. That's a great tune. Damn, he's still pretty ripped.
Starting point is 01:02:44 He looks great. Looks like Anthony Kiedis. But he's still pretty ripped. He looks great. He looks like Anthony Kiedis. But he's got that old. He's got that like leathery. Yeah. Creep skin. Would you? Ugh. No?
Starting point is 01:02:54 No. All right. There's an episode of Bourdain where they hang. Because you can't watch your hands go into someone's chest like that. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's gross. Right, right. You feel like you're playing with Gak.
Starting point is 01:03:06 Another timely reference. He's like a full body stretch armstrong yeah no thanks no he's awesome though and he uh i think oh dude that is fucking old junkie body you know what's fucked up though that's best case scenario for all of us that's true yeah yeah that's a horror movie like if you see that in dim lighting but he's gonna handle gets snuffed out before he walks in a doorway pull up his age though how old is iggy pop dude he looks amazing amazing that's my dad's age i think it's bourdain and iggy in miami i think it's the miami app where they're just hanging on the beach and it's like oh man i remember that have you guys seen the bourdain documentary i can't do it it's great it's reallyrunner. It's great. It's really good. I liked him so much.
Starting point is 01:04:05 I don't want to accept. I'll watch it at some point, but I don't want to accept. I watched his show so much. Well, it's interesting. I never really watched his show. I wasn't into him like that. I loved him. But then I watched this documentary and I was like, okay, well, now I'm in.
Starting point is 01:04:20 I did not even know about this guy. I didn't watch the show. Everybody was telling me to. And so obviously I went like, no. like I did not even know about this guy I didn't watch the show everybody was telling me to and so obviously I went like no and uh because whenever people like push something on me I'm like fuck you I don't know I don't want to watch like if four people tell you to watch it you'll watch it but if eight do you're like go fuck yourself yeah exactly like I won't watch Top Gun so many people are like you go to see Top Gun I'm like I don't you're fine I don't need to see it I went to go
Starting point is 01:04:43 see the Black Phone though That's fucking sick. I heard it's good. Really? Ethan Mark, right? Yeah. So good. Black phone. What is that, about the cricket?
Starting point is 01:04:51 All right. Easy, Eastwood. It was, it's like the- Hey, Mark. Oh. That took me a second. That is the dumbest. Stephen King's son wrote a short story, and they based this off of that.
Starting point is 01:05:14 Oh, cool. Yeah, Ronan was just telling me he hated this, but then Sean Murphy was telling me he really liked it. Oh, I loved it. Both smart guys. Tough to call it. Well, Ronan's a fucking snob. He is. I mean, he's one of my best friends. He's the biggest fucking movie cunt I've ever met.
Starting point is 01:05:30 Dude, it's so great. Oh, boy. This is Black Phone? Yeah. Okay. This summer, Ethan Hawke is a pedophile. Ethan Hawke is Joaquin Phoenix. I still haven't seen everything everywhere all at once.
Starting point is 01:05:52 I haven't either. Yeah, I haven't seen that either. It's amazing. I haven't heard one bad review. It's like in the classic Hong Kong comedy, like Stephen Chow, like Kung Fu Hustle. Oh, I love Kung Fu Hustle. So it's like that, but multiverse and a little more cerebral, but it's awesome.
Starting point is 01:06:09 Stephen Chow is great. Like a cerebral film. Yeah, it's really funny, but it's hilarious. Like it's amazing physical comedy, just like in Kung Fu. There's some scenes that are clearly like just reflective of that. So it's comedy? Yeah, it's mostly comedy. It's comedy.
Starting point is 01:06:24 And then they're also, they also do have like some kind of like you know this like mental component of like but it's mostly just fine that's cool we talking movies man shit what are you gonna do yeah who's the one who's I forget I forget her name who's in it but the old Michelle yeah I'm sorry Yeoh no not the main character the supporting actress who's also like one of the producers on it I don't know
Starting point is 01:06:49 White Lady yes I know you're talking about not Jamie Lee Curtis Jamie Lee Curtis yes and she's awesome she wears like a fat suit
Starting point is 01:06:57 it's hilarious she's like the villain for half the movie oh that's great oh fat suit I love Jamie Lee Curtis oh yeah and her tits
Starting point is 01:07:03 her tits are good. Oh, my God. True lies? Come on. Remember growing up, the whole thing about her being a hermaphrodite? Yes. That was like a weird thing where you'd be like, she's hot. And you'd have that kid growing up who's like, she's a hermaphrodite. You're weird.
Starting point is 01:07:15 Right. And you're like, no, she's not. Yeah. She just had short hair in the 90s. That's how we reacted. And even if she was, I would still motorboat. Still do it. What do I care? Yeah. She was, I mean, dude, just call Wanda's great we reacted. And even if she was, I would still motorboat. Still do it. What do I care?
Starting point is 01:07:26 Yeah. Come closer to the bit. Yeah, Fishkalwanda's great. Trading places. Look at that. Come on. Who is it in Fishkalwanda? Kevin Klein.
Starting point is 01:07:36 Klein, yes. I think he's one of the best comedic actors. Oh, yeah. Hold on. She's about to find her groove. Man, what a bod on this milf. Great bod She's like younger than you now
Starting point is 01:07:47 We're calling her a MILF because of now Oh shit I guess you're right True Lies was fun as hell Tom Arnold shined Tom Arnold was so funny in this movie I know and that was it Hey don't knock the stupids bro No this is
Starting point is 01:08:04 Yeah her body's ridiculous. If you didn't tell me this was True Lies, I'd 100% think that was a vampire movie. Oh, yeah. You know? The lighting. Just that scene is like just twilight. That's true.
Starting point is 01:08:16 But that's the only thing with like men's movies is like, which I mean, I know True Lies isn't like a man's movie, but it is. It is. And like they're all shot with this like blue filter. So it's like I automatically just go, oh, that's for dudes. Yeah. Like Ozark is like all blue.
Starting point is 01:08:33 We can't have too much color or we think we're gay. Right. Oh my God. This is crazy. This was like a risk to have short hair back then. Yeah. Because people were like, what are you doing? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:43 I'm into it. I'm fairly certain this is the second or third time we watch this clip on the show. Salicuse. You guys just haven't jerked off yet? This is pre-twerking. This was pre-internet porn.
Starting point is 01:08:58 This was a big deal. Yeah, I mean, that's crazy. Turn this off. I'm getting distracted. This is too hot. This is also when white women were still dancing. Those, yeah, yeah. Those 80s movies where, like, we wore, like, the spandex with the fucking things.
Starting point is 01:09:13 I remember, like, moms picking their kids up from school in D.C., like, just fucking in those things. Whoa. I'm like, we're just looking at your pussy. You know what I mean? Yeah. It was a better time highlight it was crazy you know it's funny when they wear a belt with that yeah like it's spandex yeah yeah there's no it's just purely decorative yeah white women dancing is kind of like when you
Starting point is 01:09:35 see Bob Cousy just dribbling a basketball like this like that's not that ain't happening anymore right we're done with that I think the camel toe a lot of people a lot of women assume is is bad but i think i think guys like a camel yeah i don't think we assume it's bad i think we i think we've caught on women were like oh camel toe oh shit no i think we've caught on yeah but i because i remember pulling getting pulled over when we were shooting the letterman thing the director who's a woman pulls me over and goes hey i just have a quick note for you and i was like I'm in trouble or whatever. She was like, we're picking up a little camel toe.
Starting point is 01:10:08 Really? Yeah, and I was like, no, I know. I was like, I'm fully aware of that. They said the same thing to him. They actually kind of did. Do you remember that? No. They made me restart my set at Letterman.
Starting point is 01:10:21 Why? Because I had my phone. I was wearing tight jeans and my phone in my in my pocket they're like i dip my first joke off and i get to laugh and i'm like all right here we go we're off to the races they're like yeah sam i just hear a voice mid-set no god sam i was like what they're like you got to restart your set there's a there's a phone in your in your pocket and i just panic i go no it's and then thank god I got like something on that but they're like
Starting point is 01:10:45 you gotta restart your set and Letterman like runs over he's like you piece of shit fuck you like trying to be funny with it
Starting point is 01:10:50 and then he grabs me close and he goes I'm so sorry I'm so sorry he gets it yeah yeah and then I had to restart my set
Starting point is 01:10:56 but it's funny we both had crotch related mishaps yeah good movie title yeah crotch related
Starting point is 01:11:04 rated PG-13 starring kate hudson and tom arnold with clean eastwood as the racist uncle yeah that was a fun set though that was fun yeah we didn't get that you you he invited us to his green room before that was fucking weird I know He was hanging with Letterman I know It was awesome He was so You went in before me
Starting point is 01:11:27 And you were like He's nice Yeah Yeah he was really nice What was your What was your experience He was just very cool Like I was just
Starting point is 01:11:34 I was like He's so fucking cool And it just felt like Hanging with like you guys It felt like hanging out With a comic Yeah You know
Starting point is 01:11:41 And I didn't expect that Because he's a legend Sure And he's old So I just thought all right well uh you know like this will be kind of painful for me but we'll get through it and like he just made me so comfortable and like i'm so glad he did that because he knows like we could have gotten in our fucking heads about it yeah like just sitting upstairs surrounded by like
Starting point is 01:12:02 agents and managers which is like oh you had like 20 friends there i had norman no i had two i had norman no you had so many friends no those were all agents and managers i know but there's people for you i literally had norman and one of my agents came for the berkowitz i was there for the early show uh but you were norman's there i had like someone the whole time right i literally said everyone else there had like a whole crew. And I was like, I'm basically alone. But that's the way to do it, I feel like. Yeah, it is. You know what?
Starting point is 01:12:30 I kind of like having people there just because it makes it feel like it's not big. Right. When people are there, they just distract you. Then you just go on, you do your thing. But when you're solo, you're just kind of like in your head like, oh, shit, I got to bring it. Yeah, I guess you're right. It kind of prevents you from like overthinking anything. Exactly. Yeah, I never thought of it like that dave was cool as shit i mean uh it is interesting some interviewers will like be like i want it to all be real first words i'll
Starting point is 01:12:53 ever say to you will be on camera but all he really like we're not burning anything he was just like friendly and nice he was just like oh you know just being like hey whatever you want this to be it'll be what do you say to you um i can't remember because i was on like two hours of sleep like i had done you came from snl i came from snl wow what a what a career dude i flew there yeah it was a great year was it a 24 hour 24 hour uh dude i flew there that morning to To LA. To LA. Yeah. And I got off stage and got into a car and fucking flew back for the show on Saturday. What? And then you laid next to Lizzo like, oh, fuck. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:35 Yeah. I mean, that's probably why when I was like looking at her conducting herself, I was like, oh, that's how you do it. Yeah. So you were on the next morning. You were out that next morning again? Yeah. Were we on the same flight? No, we weren't. No, I took a red eye back and that went yes and went to damn 30 rock and was like sleep on the flight I mean kind of but like I was psyched I was like that was the moment where when I was flying home where I was like I can't believe how
Starting point is 01:14:01 fucking cool what I just did was I know yeah on the way there I was like I I can't believe how fucking cool what I just did was. I know. Because on the way there, I was like, I got to get there. I got to have all my shit together. But what? You just hope they edit it properly. Because we did what we set out to do. But then you're like, it's in their hands now. Yeah, but the editor, I know the editor because he works at SNL. So I was like, I know him.
Starting point is 01:14:18 You know what I mean? I was like, and I knew that he was going to do a good job. It's not like I have, I wasn't going to like be in his ear or anything. But he let me know like, yeah, I'm set and i was like oh cool look you know i didn't want to ask to see it or anything i was like just do it i can't get involved because after editing my special i was like i can't ever look at that shit again it's too much it's too much you just hope yeah i mean i i do want to see stuff always, but yeah, it's a lot of work. And you don't, I really genuinely believe that you can't, as a stand-up, edit your shit correctly because you need somebody who can do comedy editing, like who understands the timing of shit. Totally.
Starting point is 01:14:57 But if you edit your own stand-up special like I had to, it's not, you're not going to do a good, you're not an editor. You know what I mean? It's like, it's not your're not gonna do a good you're not an editor you know what i mean it's like it's not your skill set you should be in the room if you can be yeah i agree i have a great editor for my new one i got a clint eastwood it's gonna be really good you know no i was on the flight back that next morning i remember and i was doing the beacon theater then i was like a big gig for me and i remember you know being on no sleep i'm on the flight with chris di stefano he's right behind me. He's massaging me. He's like, you got to get at least two hours, man. You got to get at least two hours.
Starting point is 01:15:29 And I passed out. And as I woke up, I turned around. He was like, yes. That's great. He's watching you sleep. That's adorable. You did it. He pulled a Cosby.
Starting point is 01:15:39 Just two hours. That's all I need. Just kissing my neck. He slides a drink in between the seats. But imagine hearing that Well first of all Kudos to you Because a lot of people Would go
Starting point is 01:15:48 Wait I gotta go to SNL Then fly to LA Do this Then fly a red eye back It's just not feasible Yeah but you gotta do that gig It's Letterman
Starting point is 01:15:55 Of course But I think a lot of people Would have turned that down No Who's turning that shit down I think a lot of people The logistics are no good It's too much
Starting point is 01:16:02 I don't know I mean I knew that The logistics were not good And I get like I understand turning it down if you think that you wouldn't be able to that you wouldn't be able to perform at the you know what i mean but like you gotta do it yeah you're the fucking adrenaline like kicks in you get on stage and all of a sudden however tired you are it's just like it doesn't matter yeah you know you just although i did answer questions on there that i was like oh i shouldn't have answered that like there was i think he asked me i was making fun of like some story where i woke up in the middle of the night and i was like
Starting point is 01:16:35 having a panic attack and i asked andy if i could see his credit card debt and i was like i need to know i need to know how much credit card debt you're in. And so Letterman asked me, he goes, well, how much debt is he in? And I just gave the exact number. I just said it on TV. Because my defenses were down. I had nothing to be like, oh, don't do that. Say this. Like, make a joke.
Starting point is 01:16:58 I just fucking told him. I was like, God, I really fucking hope they don't use that. And thank God they didn't. You were hoping it's Oprah and she just covers it. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I like I went home and I turned to Andy and I was like, dude, I'm so sorry. Do they use that in the final thing?
Starting point is 01:17:14 No. You know what's interesting, though? It's like he'd asked some stuff that we were prepared for, obviously not prepared. Not like I had like long bits ready, but like some stuff you're like, oh, I can hand. I know what's coming. Yeah. But then he throws some stuff my way that i was like i didn't know he's gonna ask me that right and i think it's kind of good it's a good mix yeah some of them my best lines were riffs yeah you know they weren't things i was like i'm gonna say this they were like yeah you know i'm i'm trusting the muscle memory here of just right years of doing stand-up right
Starting point is 01:17:41 yeah just being able to talk and make it funny you know and also like i i felt like the interview gave you a chance to like be funny in a different way you didn't have to necessarily do a joke joke like because you have the interaction and so different things could happen you know i like seeing what that's kind of what i'm fucking with on stage right now is just like because i have always been like a writer like i'm like i want to write it's got to be perfect and like i don't want to you know there's something about that where you can kind of like hide behind the jokes a little bit oh yeah and i'm like i'm trying to get comfortable on stage in a way where i don't necessarily have to i want to keep the jokes but i want to be more
Starting point is 01:18:22 comfortable i want to feel like yeah you're unstoppable yeah you can riff on the room fuck with a guy go back into material right yeah that's really uh the top level yeah of performing yeah it's like when you get off when when you watch a comic and they're really great you're like fuck they're a good writer and like i just want to hang out with them i want to know what they're like yes the weird thing is i think that comes from not giving a fuck yeah what you can only get from just doing it over a million times for years and years yes by the amount of time if you if you do your fourth set in the night you're kind of like yeah well i got three good ones so far let's fucking we're playing with house money let's have some fun and that one's the most loose and interesting yeah
Starting point is 01:19:02 and sometimes you bomb but sometimes that bomb is good for you, too. You learn something. Yeah. I mean, it's funny. As much as I shit on, like, look, doing four sets in a night can be dumb as shit sometimes. It can be a waste. But other times, you need that fourth show to be like, I'm going a different way with this show.
Starting point is 01:19:17 Yeah, I want to see what the fuck happens here. And you find a line. I'm like, I didn't think I'd find it. Do you have any peeves or anything? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'd find it. Do you have any peeves or anything? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got a ton.
Starting point is 01:19:27 I mean, are we talking just stand-up peeves? Anything. It could be anything. Okay, so, yeah. The first is seeing a kid in first class. That's a great one. That's a good one. That always fucking pisses me off.
Starting point is 01:19:40 Like, every time. Especially when you're one away from the upgrade. Yes. Yes. Yes. I get so mad. I'm just like, what the fuck is this kid doing here? That's an ad one away from the upgrade. Yes. Yes. I get so mad. I'm just like, what the fuck is this kid doing here? That's an ad for an abortion right there.
Starting point is 01:19:49 And their feet don't even hit the ground. You're like, you don't even need that big seat. Yeah, they're kicking their dumb legs. I get so fucking mad. Yeah. Yeah, that drives me insane. And when my dad, I used to fly with my dad and my mom all the time. And they would fly first class and they would kick me and my fucking sisters in the back,
Starting point is 01:20:06 and they'd get us when we got off the plane. Well, if you're a kid, you don't need it anyway, right? Yeah. You kind of want to see a flight attendant just come with a rag and dump the kid in the closet or something. Put them in the overhead. A seat just opened up. I also think kids are better behaved when they're not with their parents.
Starting point is 01:20:22 That's true. You know what I mean? I really do. I think you put them in the back of the plane and then they just chill. It's true because other adults are terrifying. You can't fuck around with some old fat guy like some Clint Eastwood guy next to you. He's going to be like, shut the fuck up, kid. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:36 Okay, sorry. Yeah. Nobody loves you back here. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Dude, that's a good peeve. You've got to earn enough money to get up there. Right, right. Good one. That's a good peeve. That's one. Good peeve. Yeah. I'm sorry. yeah you know what i mean yeah dude you gotta earn enough money to get up there right right
Starting point is 01:20:45 good one that's one yeah i i'm sorry no keep going well i had one about uh you ever have this one where the guy goes uh he goes you gotta try this this chair it's a very comfortable chair you sit in the chair and you're like this is very comfortable i told you i know that's why i'm sitting in it that is a specifically male problem, I think. Yes, yes. That's definitely something men do together. Wanting credit. Wanting credit.
Starting point is 01:21:11 The I told you when you agreed already. Yeah, yeah. I'm on board. I get that with a lot. I have a friend who will send me videos. It's funny. He's like, yeah. I'm like, you didn't make the video.
Starting point is 01:21:20 I know. What the fuck are we doing? It was good. Good job finding it. Everyone's a fucking curator now. Yeah. Yeah yeah just because they've got the internet good job finding a video that probably someone else sent to you yes yeah give me and i told you when i when i didn't believe you and then you proved me right yeah the twin towers will be fine i think they're gonna be in trouble no that'll be fine i told you that i'll get all right
Starting point is 01:21:45 i'll give you that one i do feel like uh that is one of the ways that like dudes can kind of relate to um being coerced into sex is like if you've ever been shown a youtube video you didn't want to watch by a good friend you know you're like oh fine you're like okay i don't want to you know thumbs down yeah you're like i'll play nice i guess yeah the ending it'll pick up in the end i gotta pee for you i'm at the uh village underground bathroom there's one sink there right and there's a guy just lingering slicking his hair no wet the wet water you know what yeah water's wet the water yeah he's wetting his hair he's just doing this and i'm just like i'm trying to wash my hands i have to watch this guy then he does the same thing in front of the towel machine he's just like
Starting point is 01:22:34 ew and you're like getting get out it's so small right the the that you're like you're just now watching him get ready right because you're just in that space with him. So you're just standing next to him while he does it. Right. That's pretty annoyed. That's true. You also, we have phones. If you want to do the mirror thing, do it in your fucking phone.
Starting point is 01:22:54 You don't need the mirror. Right. You got that. Just take it outside. If there's multiple, if you're alone, do whatever you want. But if there's a wait, be respectful of other people. Right. That's all I'm saying.
Starting point is 01:23:04 And the guys who get too comfortable in the bathroom in a new york bathroom get out of here yeah come on oh you know what else is fucking annoying ayahuasca people oh my god i just did one of these ayahuasca people suck i did one of these recently really i went no i went on a date with a woman a while back and she was like pushing ayahuasca on me. She was like, it's 10 years of therapy in one night. And I said, that sounds fucking horrible. Yeah. I'm not doing that. And also, if that's the case, why do you have to do it once a year?
Starting point is 01:23:32 What is happening to you? True. They're always like, yeah, it's 10 years of therapy. I'm like, well, you just said you do it every month. Exactly. And if you're so enlightened, then why are you on a date with me? Just kneel. Does Neil do it?
Starting point is 01:23:47 I assume He took Chris Rock with him Wow Ayahuasca people is a great one They drive me nuts Leonard Cohen was a big Ayahuasca guy But he didn't seem annoying about it Do whatever drugs you want Just don't be fucking annoying
Starting point is 01:24:03 And also just say you're doing drugs Stop telling me you're doing therapy yeah like stop dressing it up you know what i mean right just you go to the wood like you're going to the woods to do drugs all right that's what's happening you're not fucking it's it's like this is a shaman he doesn't have a degree yeah he's not a fucking shaman that actually like really freaks me out is like the idea of if you don't like really intimately know someone who's doing that you're just doing like that drug tourism thing and like right or something and like you're in the jungle with some random dude right and he's gonna get you all fucked up out of your head and then leave you in the jungle i know you wake up in a gimp suit like in pulp fiction like you know you're supposed to get
Starting point is 01:24:44 into like a good headspace before you do any of that. I don't think that would be possible for me if some dude took me into the middle of a South American jungle. I don't know if that's possible for me after 10 years of therapy. Getting in a good headspace. I've never been in a good headspace. Which I've heard is only one night of ayahuasca. Well, shrooms you won't even do with randos. But you gotta do this with randos in the jungle?
Starting point is 01:25:04 Yeah, it's insane. And they tell you to go off your meds like if you're on meds you got to go off your meds for like for like 30 days beforehand i gotta go off my cancer medication i'm doing eye wash right it's all these like self healers that are like they're all over in the internet and they're like they're just and i've seen a lot of comics that like didn't do well in comedy be like i'm a healer now and it's like this is the saddest thing i've ever seen and i'm just like just say you failed at whatever it is that you did because i i've literally i've never seen anybody who like quit wall street to go do like tibetan sound good point you know i'm a stand-up healer yeah it's fucking sad that's what it is you know two bartenders and two stripper former strippers in miami who are healers there you go
Starting point is 01:25:52 yeah it's always somebody that you're like all right well i i don't i'm not even convinced you fucking healed you're a clear healer right and they're and they're always like they're telling you like people who have real mental like disorders. They're like, yeah, just you can heal yourself. You can heal your own trauma. I'm like, oh, my God. These are it's going to be a nightmare for. I want out of a conversation with you casually.
Starting point is 01:26:16 Like I think I'm going to go fucking pay money to go to a jungle with you. These some of these healers. I mean, and it also is really disrespectful because there are people out there like there are chiropractors and massage therapists and acupuncturists who are like legitimately gifted at what they do. So when these people
Starting point is 01:26:31 are just like, I'm a healer, you don't get to call yourself that. No. That's like calling yourself one of the greats. Right. Other people say that shit about you.
Starting point is 01:26:38 Yeah. Or iconic. You're not a healer. That's my favorite. That's the Gen Z version. I'm iconic. I'm iconic. It's like,
Starting point is 01:26:43 okay, all right. I was thinking of Eddie Murphy when you think like thatphy when you think exactly he's a healer yeah yeah he watches movies you feel a little better yes that's healing 100 i watched i mean dude nutty professor i've said it on this podcast but many times i've gotten some shit for it but like he should have gotten an oscar for that movie that movie's insane yeah oscars great He played nine roles in that. Yeah. Incredible. That's a healer. That's a real healer. That's a fucking healer.
Starting point is 01:27:09 But they can't do that. It's like the guys who teach comedy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I took a class with Mackie when we started. Oh, yeah? Did you? Yeah. Did it help? Yeah. Alright. It was just a place to get up what wasn't an open mic. So there was like one supportive room. Oh, so you got up. Yeah. So that's good. Yeah, place to get up what wasn't an open mic. So there was like one supportive room. Oh, but you got up.
Starting point is 01:27:25 So that's good. Yeah, yeah. No, it wasn't like it was just, but like, yeah, I'm glad I took it. There's some comics. At the comic strip, D.F. Sweetler. There's some comics that do like teach classes where I'm like, okay, that's cool. Like I know Jess Curson taught a class for a little while.
Starting point is 01:27:39 Yeah, yeah, yeah. If that's your teacher. Yeah. You're fucking, you're in great hands. Yeah. Great hands. She's incredible. She's a healer. Yeah. That's a fucking set. You're in great hands. Great hands. She's incredible. She's a healer.
Starting point is 01:27:46 Yeah, that's a healer. That's a healer. Now that's a healer. That's a hashtag right there. Right. Healer. Healer. That's a healer.
Starting point is 01:27:56 Everyone comment healer on this YouTube. Upvote us for healing. Do you want to plug any yeah where are you gonna be yeah um i'm gonna be at laugh boston i have to update my website there's like dates that i haven't touched it in months so uh i have to update everything but i will be at laugh boston when does that say the 19th and the 20th of august yeah yeah and then um good time why does it say the stand oh because they just automatically put it on Bands in Town. Anyway, so I will have it updated.
Starting point is 01:28:29 Good club. Yeah, it's a great club. But also, really just want to plug my special. Whiskey Fish. Go watch my special, Whiskey Fish. Yes, on YouTube. It's on Comedy Central's YouTube. Yeah, that's...
Starting point is 01:28:39 They've got so many things on there that I'm like, it's sort of like plateaued now. And I'm like, I got to get people to go now and I'm like I gotta get people to watch it yeah well you can see Rose but also she'll be in Edmonton the comic strip in September and many more dates
Starting point is 01:28:56 watch her special listen to her podcast with Andy what's the podcast name? Find Your Beach Find Your Beach yeah oh there you go yeah life's a beach then you die yeah I'm uh i don't know when this comes out i have no idea okay so i'll be all over the vogel in jersey uh let's see wise guys comedy club in utah count basey center for performing arts whatever that is. Keep going, keep going. Yeah, we got the Houston Improv,
Starting point is 01:29:28 San Antonio, LOL, Comedy Off-Broadway in Lexington. Keep going. Comedy Connection in Providence, that's a fun one. And yeah, all kinds of stuff. Improv and Dinner Theater, I don't even know where that is.
Starting point is 01:29:44 The Aura, I think that's in Portland. Brandon, I think that's in Seattle, Toronto, Vancouver. Good for you for knowing this shit. I don't think it's in Seattle. I think you're doing the Neptune. I'm doing the Neptune, doing the Red Rocks, doing the San Jose. Who knows? This is all off. I gotta get
Starting point is 01:30:00 a new web person. When you get them, please let me know who they are. Buffalo. We have the same person buffalo san jose la pittsburgh dania beach louisville irvine fucking uh omaha phoenix lexington new brunswick oklahoma city all over uh i'll see you at kansas city fort fort wayne on thanksgiving that'll be upbeat uh sam, boy. Sam Earl dot com slash shows. We might be drunk pod dot com for the merch. We've got the Patreon, which
Starting point is 01:30:30 you guys are loving. We got Bodega Cat Whiskey is coming very soon. Very soon. I'm literally thinking like two or three weeks from now. Hallelujah. I'll believe it when I see it. Christopher, you hear us? Get on it, motherfucker. Yeah, and check out Rosebud on the Road.
Starting point is 01:30:47 Check out her special. And praise Allah. Sunday's the day for my next bender. A bit of Keever, and you know the beer juice close. I've had a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking pump. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a cop's coming, and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous.
Starting point is 01:31:16 I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans, this woman doesn't look like I remember her, And I get down in the same way. We might be true.

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