We're Here to Help - 106: Noah's Arc: The Story of Margarita-Man

Episode Date: August 19, 2024

Jake and Gareth talk to callers about sabotaging a volleyball team and a husband’s love for Margaritaville.Also, enjoy this great song from listener Jona Gallegos here!Want to call in?... Email your question to helpfulpod@gmail.com.PATREON (Early Access, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a head gum podcast. We are back! We got something fun on this that we just came up with off air. Gareth, take it away. Well, as the regular listeners know from previous episodes, I recently sang the National Anthem at a Pioneer league baseball game. I had the Jake Johnson mentality of or shall I say the Steve Berg mentality of I got this. This is going to be a breeze. And then I went out there and I was starting to go, boy, I
Starting point is 00:00:56 really thought I knew this by heart, which I do. But again, it's one thing to know it when someone else is singing it. It's another thing to know it when you're singing it. I did get it all right, but I was noticing, you know, I'm But again, it's one thing to know it when someone else is singing it. It's another thing to know it when you're singing it. I did get it all right. But I was noticing, you know, I'm not the greatest singer in the world. I, I, my background, my college degree is in theater, but not musical theater.
Starting point is 00:01:18 So there is a blind spot there. So I was talking about that on the show. We had some people reach out. But they've a bunch of people reach out. A bunch of people. A bunch of people reach out and they've offered to, uh, to assist. So, um- They've literally said we're willing to give Gareth free voice lessons over Zoom. Yes. And I recognize the blind spot. And so we're going to take these people up on this offer.
Starting point is 00:01:43 We're going to record every lesson. We I'm gonna record every lesson we're going We're not gonna edit it Garrett gotta be edited a little no it doesn't I don't think we make it like a quick, you know No, no, I mean it could be 10 15 minutes, but I'm editing raw. Yes. I think we do just Well, we'll put it on my dad. Yeah, but we put I do I think we do the unedited on patreon they get every lesson they can watch what they want and then we'll set a time and We won't set when we're gonna do it until we know when they're you're all ready to start Yes, but we'll give you hover along you on a month two weeks
Starting point is 00:02:21 And then when that time comes in one of our intros, we're going to do, we'll start up, you're going to sing the national anthem and then we're going to get into the show. Yes. And then, and then once that's done, the offer is out there for any sporting league that would like to give a mulligan to a man who, who wants to sing the national anthem. That's right. Then do it. You know what, actually, I got a connection to the Bakersfield Blaze.
Starting point is 00:02:49 Ooh, I'm gonna walk in Bakersfield. Eric Edelstein and I did a, we were announcers for a game. They gave us a couple Indians in the booth. The best. I could reach out to my guy there and see if the end of this is not only on our show, but our show's
Starting point is 00:03:05 the practice, but then you go back and you do it with Blaze. The audition. Yes. The audition. I think that... Yes, but either way, everybody on the Patreon, it's all going to be there. Sign up for that. Have some fun.
Starting point is 00:03:15 If not, you're going to see the performance here when he's finally done and without. Further. Further. A-do. A-do. It's go time. Go time. Go time. Go time. without further Go time go time baby show time is what we do. This is our time. All right, dude It ain't this is fucking the big train for so we train for but also have fun Yeah, but don't be yourself, but be better self I got your back
Starting point is 00:03:45 What Eminem says you got one one moment, this is the moment. If we blow this. Mom's spaghetti, mom's spaghetti. What does that mean? Go ahead, I'll use the collage here. I've literally been doing this as long as I've never heard someone say mom's spaghetti before a show. Are we ready? Mom's spaghetti, mom's spaghetti.
Starting point is 00:03:58 Mom's spaghetti, collars joining now. Mom's spaghetti. All right. Hello. Hello. Hello, hello Hello Hello Welcome to we're here to help. I'll do the intro cuz Jake's drinking water out of a protein shaker We're excited to have you here Can we get your name?
Starting point is 00:04:15 Age where you're calling from and any weird question for him Jake Not yet. I'm still waking up. Okay. Yeah. All right marinate on that I'm excited to be here. My name is Jackie. I'm 29 and I'm from st. Paul, Minnesota Jackie Jackie, I have a I have a question for you when you hear the phrase mom's spaghetti. What do you think of? Eminem all right, and we're oh St. Paul great town. Wait, hold on mom's is an M&M reference. Yeah. Yes. Nice Yeah, I thought you were doing like a to sit in solemn silence kind of like a actor now like spaghetti Yeah, like red leather yellow
Starting point is 00:04:57 My spaghetti spaghetti mom spaghetti You know that that's Steve Berg's that is spaghetti mom spaghetti Parmesan let's not even get into the idea of Steve Stop this is like old yellow Mombaggaddy mom spaghetti mom spaghetti mom spaghetti Jackie St. Paul 29. What we do for you All right, so three summers ago my friends and I we joined a call at bar volleyball league just looking at them on we've been in a for a couple of years and we're starting to get the lay of the land with the
Starting point is 00:05:30 you know they're different skill level because every year at the same team that are joining and i will mention or not very good uh... but all the team there are pretty like on the bank gala on any given night anybody is beatable except for their good one team let's just refer to them as team Iceland from the mighty ducks to and They only used to play in the fall league, but this year they're also in the summer league and they're so tall
Starting point is 00:05:55 It's a family. They're like all six two six three six four. They're so good and scary They've got four guys out there at all time and two women and one of the women is a D1 volleyball college player currently and the other one cheats at rock-paper-scissors So they always to pick their side quick. I just set up hold on. How does she cheat at rock-paper-scissors? She doesn't know that it's rock-paper-scissors shoot and she is always trying to go early and it confuses the other person So they stutter and I thought it was just us and then I watched her do it two other nights. Like two weeks in a row to other teams.
Starting point is 00:06:30 So she starts to throw early, the other person does, she changes. Exactly, like you think she's like confused so then you stop. It's like a pop fake. But then she cheats, yeah, exactly. I just have to say, the idea that someone's cheating at rock, paper, scissors by going too soon.
Starting point is 00:06:47 Let me finish for you. It's a turn on. Me too. Never mind. Okay, take it away. I thought we were going in one direction, but let's go yours. I like James. All right.
Starting point is 00:06:55 Okay. So that's a good setup. All right. So you're dealing with T. Mya, son from the Mighty Ducks too in your summer volleyball league. Okay. Yes. People are literally ducking and shielding when this one guy's spiking because it's coming in so hard and so fast
Starting point is 00:07:08 You're afraid we were losing like 20 to 4 and this guy's kicking the ball over to serve it Because I don't know and we got confused. It's again Missing you guys used a lot over there. Am I crazy? A guy kicks a volleyball your loss someone goes to early on red paper scissors You're so my other part my question is how much we should we my other questions? How much weed should we smoke before because right now it's just three joints cars should we do a van so We have to outlaw that we said nothing nothing funny before the game for trying to win nothing
Starting point is 00:07:43 And it's also a title Nothing funny nothing funny before the game for trying to win. Nothing funny is a good one. That's a very good Westway putting it. And it's also a title. That is for sure. Nothing funny. Nothing funny before the game. So, Jackie, we- How people describe the show. Shark, ouchie, ouchie. Yeah, the shark's biting, dude.
Starting point is 00:07:59 The shark is biting. He's self-chumming. So, Jackie, this is a heck of a setup. We get it. What is the specific question we could try to help with today? My question is how do I sabotage this team to make them want to quit the league so literally anyone else has a shot at winning? There's also money on the line.
Starting point is 00:08:18 What do you mean money on the line? So how do we, at the end of the league there's a playoff and if you win you win money and now I don't know how Funny we've never even gotten close to the money, but it's there So I'm just wondering you're so far away from the money. You don't even know what the honeypot is No Yeah, but Jackie but this is tough because this is a family so they're doing this as a small business But this is tough because this is a family so they're doing this as a small business If there's money even 500 bucks they go. Let's just dominate this league. We got D1. We're all Giants Let's just smoke these fools. So the only way to get rid of them in my opinion is
Starting point is 00:08:57 You got to get the league together to ban them because you're not gonna be able to be now Interesting I've already I've already laid some I've been planting seeds, I've been selling discord. Alright, well walk us through everything you've had. Now at the playoffs they were just destroying everybody so I was walking around just like man you guys are really tall, you know how tall they are? They are really good and people are like it's just the worst. We're already talking about it so I planted seeds with about three other teams, they're on the same page. Like this team has got to go. Okay, so the seeds you're planting is just, you're just talking a little shit. Yeah. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:09:33 Jackie, I'm gonna be honest Jackie, you really do need our help. Your plans are not great. You're getting kicked around a little easily by someone going early in a game. We're going later as an advantage By the way fair, but you're what you're right in the sense that you need Sabotage your there is not a straightforward. You're not gonna beat them. You're gonna have to go montage old-school style Yeah, but this is hard Garethareth, because it is. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:05 I mean, here's my question to you about the league before we start pitching. Is there allowed in the league, correct? There's not like a rule of how good you could be or how bad you could be. Correct. No, there's also no height requirement. Right. So this is like an all are welcome and they just happen to be better. So there is a world of sabotaging.
Starting point is 00:10:25 But let me just play devil's advocate because we're just sitting at a bar chatting. Sure. Aren't the Giants allowed to play? I mean, if I'm in a family of. Jackie's side. Well, I'm going to end up on Jackie's side, but I might have to walk a mile to go a block. OK. But aren't Jackie, aren't you? Thank you. Tap out.
Starting point is 00:10:48 Keys in the car. And sadly, I'm taking a break from Jujitsu. What? This is a huge reveal. Are you calling the show? This is crazy. I have to. I have to. Why are you slipping your own here to help? This is intro banter. We're in Paultown. I have to for a couple of months. Why are you slipping your own here to help Rob?
Starting point is 00:11:05 This is intro banter ever in Paul Town. I have to for a couple of months. Jake! You know why. I can't get her. I can't get her. You know why we can't get into it, but I can't get her. I know.
Starting point is 00:11:17 I can't get her. What are you going to do with your little porn set in the garage where you have your little dummy and you're fake Saved by the Bell Lockers? I'm going to continue what I've always done and then fuck him to romantic music back to you Jackie So my problem with this plan of getting them out of the league is that they have every right to be there in a great Sports movie like a mighty D's You don't kick the team out. You beat the team So, mm-hmm
Starting point is 00:11:43 Are you actually in St. Paul? And the reason I say that is we might be doing a call to arms of people in St. Paul. And then what I'm going to pitch here a little bit is where are you actually playing these volleyball matches? I am actually in St. Paul and we're playing near St.
Starting point is 00:12:01 Paul Lake Elmo area. So here's, here's my pitch Jackie, and it's a pitch that would need follow-ups Are there any? retired D1 or better Ringers in the area who want to show up for when you play this family so a lot of your team Jackie take a step back that day and So a lot of your team Jackie take a step back that day and
Starting point is 00:12:30 Let these animals crush that family and when it comes to the playoffs you guys can play anybody But whoever this team plays those ringers jump in and you go Hey guys, if you want to come to the minor leagues and dominate we'll bring the majors to the minors Jackie what Jake is pitching is what I'll call the space jam. You need the talent of St. Paul to come to your side and just for that match. Yes. I think I that was on my list. I think that's a pretty good pitch and again, something we can kind of help with. What do you think of that? I think it's an amazing pitch and I will know these people are really sore wingers. So they do have it they can play in the league and they can be good but they're so rude. If you're beating them like the people will insult you they'll
Starting point is 00:13:13 be like you're a dick like they've said that to our team and we were winning and we were like here's a Cinderella story. Yeah this is not like a nice little family who's out there for fun they're out for blood. So I'm in to get the ringers in. They're villains. We don't like them. We're on your side. But yeah, we get that you really don't like them. So then here's what I think. Here's what I think we have to do, because we could pitch some really weird boycott stuff, but I honestly don't think that's right, Gareth, because at the end of the day-
Starting point is 00:13:42 I don't think we can fight the system directly. I think you're right. I think we space the only way to beat a bully is to beat the bully. Yes, don't think that's the phrase. That's right. But it's so but I don't but it's knocking on the door of being the expression. It's like is it Jackie just like what you're saying. The only way to eat the ham sandwich is to eat the ham sandwich. I'm 100% with you. These are both sayings. No. Mom's spaghetti belongs in baby boy's stomach. These are all the same sayings.
Starting point is 00:14:10 If you want to sing that song, Gareth, you got to sing that song. Exactly right. And with that in mind, Gareth, sing a little Eminem mom's spaghetti go. Mom's spaghetti, mom's spaghetti, mom's's spaghetti mom's pasquetti What So Jackie Jackie, this is your moment. This is your moment. You got to live once you're on the eight mile in Detroit Yeah, um by the way Jackie. What do you think if we walked eight mile on accident? Yeah, Detroit. Yes, we were like well. What's next seven miles here? Oh? Is that another gunshot? Yeah, we're like we should go back. We didn't have shirts on either
Starting point is 00:14:50 Well after you drink about a million beers in some dive bar who needs a shirt and sprint raced Sprint race What idiots it's Jackie back to you to finish you know what we're gonna Do if you're comfortable with it and only if you're going to actually do it. But we'll have Caitlin on our social media. Send out a request for volleyball players in the area. But if we get people, you need to get somebody on your team to step back for those games.
Starting point is 00:15:23 Are you willing to champion that and get you guys some ringers in there? Because what we're building towards is a playoff game. We got to get you guys good enough into the playoffs. And then the playoff game against this family, it's all ringers. And you guys are doing nothing but funny stuff before the game. You're eating popcorn, stoned off your ass, watching some real volleyball players kick this family's ass. I'm so down to clown. And I think everybody on the team would step back
Starting point is 00:15:53 just to see that. So let's see if we can do it then. Let's see what this community can do. I think that's great. Honorable mention pitches that we never got to were you could tell, you're playing at a bar correct yeah are yeah yeah they're in a bar league yeah oh yeah volleyball yeah but it's like they do it at the they do it at the bar they all get hammered after and
Starting point is 00:16:14 volleyball my ex stepmom has to do it it's quite a scene so I my honorable mention pitch you tell the bar that one of them stole a bottle of vodka you saw it from behind the bar get get a ban from the bar. Put cat poop on their side of the court, so they're stepping and mashing cat poop and maybe they get a little rattled. One that I think we can also incorporate for this match that you have against them when we do the ringers is let's try to get some fans turned out too with signs Kind of play the mental game a little bit
Starting point is 00:16:48 Numbers in the in the audience for the game great, so we'll we'll go with a we'll go with two pronged Yeah, I'll go another one on a remind uncomfortably sexual grunts on your guys inside to throw cuz they're a family so it's like having a sex We've done there you have, and what happened? They don't like it. It's good, that's good. Okay, bring it.
Starting point is 00:17:10 Well, they don't like it like it made them worse, or they don't like it like it made them better? They're super easily rattled. Like when they get rattled, they do get that. So that's really good. Oh, that's good. So Jackie, we're gonna get them. Yeah, maybe we could also lean into that,
Starting point is 00:17:23 and then you could, after the grunts, refer to each other as a family So be like oh, I like that daddy and brother cuz they are dads and they'll be like, you know Yeah, or it's just a lot of like Like just keep doing that or after each after one of their wins if they like win a point you go like yeah Brother just nailed sister their wins, if they like win a point, you go like, yeah, brother just nailed sister. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:48 So they have to go like, that's not what happened. She set me up, but I didn't nail sister. And you go like, I meant it as a compliment. The families that play together sexually stay together non-sexually. We have a porn site. So there is a world of just trying to make them not enjoy this league anymore. If they're a family, you could, you know, anything sexual be gross. Fans doing chants that are like highly inappropriate that they're kind of like, this isn't worth it.
Starting point is 00:18:19 In the end, we're making 800 dollars. It's making our family uncomfortable. That's an approach. And they like don't drink or have fun or anything. So like all they're there for the money. Compile are exactly. Yeah, it can't be worse. I thought I have an idea, Garret.
Starting point is 00:18:34 Going off of that really fast. What about highly inappropriate uniforms for your team? So that because I know if you're with your family and then all of a sudden there, you're playing against the team and it's coed Have the guys dressed like Borat in those little outfits with their balls jiggling around Girls in like just bikini where you're there like hey, man, we're a family and you go. Yeah, this is also a bar league If you just become the team of thongs That could get that will be active and then with weird grunting sounds and chat.
Starting point is 00:19:06 And after, you know, the baseball league, whatever it's called, the bananas or what are they called? Yeah. What about what about after each point, win or loss? You guys do like a two minute dance. So the team is like they're ruining the league. This isn't volleyball. This is a show. And you go, it's called a bar league, you clowns go in a different league. This isn't volleyball. This is a show and you go, it's called a bar league, you clowns go in a different league. That is the thing that like athletes will do with like, like in tennis, like
Starting point is 00:19:30 they'll take an extra long amount of time to sort of get in the head. So if you guys almost had a sting, you dance to like, if you almost every point you won, you had the opening to eight mile play and you guys kind of did a bit of a choreographed moment that could also get get I think there's a win there for sure. Jackie quick question. I played volleyball for six years. How is there go? Such a man of mystery. The onion peels and the onion peels. Unbelievable turn.
Starting point is 00:19:56 How is their back row? How is their It's crazy. Their defense. What a question, Shark. It's crazy. So the like men will definitely try to overtake the back row and they're trying to make sure like none of the women have,
Starting point is 00:20:08 because I don't think they believe in their talent. So there's gaps, like the back right corner, great gap. Great, I would call that out, that they aren't letting the women play as much as you can. Something our setter would do, was he would point to people and go, surf to him, he's cold, he's bad. He would call out people a lot and get in their heads a lot. That's a Jake move.
Starting point is 00:20:30 Yeah, it's the baseball version of when you go up to bat and they go, step in, step in, guy, I don't need anyone far out. You're like, what? I'm good though. I would say stay where you're at, because I'm also the fine, I'm like everybody else, I'm fine, I'm fine. Then the first pitch, you're nowhere near it and you're the fine I'm like everybody else big I'm a fine I'm fine then the first pitch you're nowhere near it and you're like I'm fully in my head I'm rattled this guy definitely had an effective everybody on
Starting point is 00:20:52 the outfield come in the infield anyhow that like hurts my feelings in a real way yeah does it cuz I don't care but it's also like like don't do that to me like I thought we were kids kind of growing up but I guess we're not and then when you hit when you hit a pop-up and you think you nailed it It goes to the shortstop and it's perfectly positioned you go like good strategy. It gets me my mom weak I hit one home run and tripped over home plate Because it was like I had to run it out it wasn't like a gift It wasn't like a given I had to like race to do it tripped over home plate
Starting point is 00:21:21 Here's another embarrassing a thing in terms of you, I played baseball my whole life into high school. I never hit a home run. Oh man. It was all like singles and doubles and like, hard. Gosling, it was like, Well, I think that's why when I hit the home run, I did, I think that was the only one I hit.
Starting point is 00:21:36 So I was like, I have to get this. Same, you lost. And then like the home plate has a little bit of elevation. Too much. We're so happy. Oh, too much for a chubby mulleted little weirdo. I miss that guy. He's coming back, buddy.
Starting point is 00:21:50 Stop this. Jackie, we've given you a lot of suggestions. What do you want to do and what do you want us to do? Let's see what we got here. Okay. I think they were all amazing suggestions. I think we're definitely going to the signs and the fans And the mental warfare on the court I would love if you still wanted to put on a call for really tall
Starting point is 00:22:13 Talented volleyball players in the st. Paul area that I could follow up with that was incredible We will I'd be down to do that. Okay, so we will put that out and then will you do us a favor? And when's your next match? So the fall season starts on Tuesday, so we'll get the schedule soon. So we figure out what night What we could play them you film Just your side of your behavior so we can post this along with like whatever you guys are doing to Take away the competitive edge And turn it more into again, what is that banana baseball
Starting point is 00:22:45 league again? Savannah bananas, right? Yeah. Savannah bananas. Watch what they do. Just Google them a little bit and that's what you're turning this league into. And what we're trying to do is have the family go, look, we're a real volleyball family. We want to play volleyball.
Starting point is 00:23:03 We might be in the wrong league. We want to, I think what you're saying is you want to give them the Eve Johnson POV, which is, this is too wild. This is too wild, and guess what? There's other leagues, but these people are clowns, and you go, we quite literally are, it's a bar league. We're here to smoke weed and hit a volleyball and get drunk. So, gosh, You sure are.
Starting point is 00:23:26 So keep us posted and we'll do that. We'll get you the ringers, we'll get you the fans, we'll get it ready. Thank you guys so much. All right Jackie. Great call Jackie, appreciate you. Thank you. Say hi to your back line from Shark. Hi.
Starting point is 00:23:40 And we're brought to you by Filo. You know Filo, we love Filo. Filo's got current seasons of shows that I and Jake and Shark can't miss on networks like A&E, MTV, Discovery, and TLC. They've got shows like The Office, Martin, if you haven't watched Martin, and The Office. Martin is one of the greatest shows of all time. Friends, they have a library of 75,000 movies and TV shows, all which I can re-watch anytime
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Starting point is 00:25:23 I did. I got engaged before I knew of Blue Nile, and I had an odd experience where Leah and I went to a place together and were looking at different rings, and the person we were looking at multiple times throughout, which I guess I appreciated the honesty, would go, I mean, I wouldn't get that, but if you like it, go for it. A lot of added. Super weird vibe, made one of the more exciting moments of our life. Very awkward throughout it. Blue Nile would have been perfect. We wouldn't have had very awkward customer service like we did at another place.
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Starting point is 00:28:21 Hi. How are you doing? I'm very well. How you doing? I'm very well. How are you? I'm doing great. So how about your name? What the problem is? And then something about your personality or life that surprises Garf. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:28:38 Okay. Besides your problem. Hello. My name is Allison. I am calling from Glens Falls, New York. Okay. Besides your problem. Hello, my name is Allison. I am calling from Glens Falls, New York. And a fun fact about myself, which is maybe the worst question in the world. What is this, the first date? I'm succeeding.
Starting point is 00:28:59 Well, I know the last one was shoe size and I don't want to do that because that's basic. So you listen today, Allison. We got a fun runner of additional Jake's prize. Just trying. You know me, I like to kick the game. I know, yeah. What's a fun fact, Allison? Pretend it's a first date and I just told the waiter, no, we won't be drinking.
Starting point is 00:29:18 Oh, Christ. Something to drink? Not for us. On a first date, imagine. Well that's when you say you got to go to the bathroom and you get a shot at the bar. Well, that's when you go to the... That's when you say you got to go to the bathroom and you get a shot at the bar. No, that's when you do that. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what I would do.
Starting point is 00:29:30 You smell like tequila. I took a piss. Yeah. Some guy handed me one. Okay, Allison, what's the issue? I feel like you don't want to give us a fun fact. Maybe that was a mistake. I do, but I'll say... I'll do, but I do, but I will think of one. So my issue is less about me and more about my poor husband, who I'm afraid he is obsessed with Margaritaville.
Starting point is 00:29:53 This is the Jimmy Buffett restaurant Margaritaville. This is 100% real. What should we call Hobbie? Let's give him a name. His name is Noah. Noah, okay, no No, okay. So, uh, his name is Noah and I'm okay with saying that out loud. Okay, of course Yeah, and this is a shame him. Yeah. Well, he brought this on
Starting point is 00:30:16 Hold on. I'm not I'm not a hater of cheeseburger in paradise guys. All right. Well, okay So I wouldn't keep either if it was good keep going Allison. Is there more to this keep cars? It's as simple as he He's obsessed with margaritaville And so we live in New York state of New York. And so we often go to New York City we're both very big into theater and Broadway and Every time we go he insists that we go to margaritaville And that's a restaurant. Yes, it's a Buffett-themed restaurant.
Starting point is 00:30:46 Yeah. It's like chain. It's in Times Square. I mean, it's other places too, but we always go to the one in Times Square. And that was bad enough because it's terrible. But then it got worse because they opened up a Margaritaville location in Boston, which is unfortunately within driving distance. And he, we made a special trip to Boston to go to Margaritaville, Boston.
Starting point is 00:31:11 It was 10 in the morning, it was raining, it was 65 degrees and he had a breakfast Margarita. Okay, well, here's what's happening. Just so you know, what's happening in studio. I'm fully on board with your rage. Jake is trying to hold the line as much as possible. But I will say when you said a margarita at 10 a.m. in Boston, Jake did, there was an acknowledgement. You're telling me you wouldn't like that if you weren't working and we were in a random city and I said margarita. If I was on the road and it was a day off and we're like, hey, we'll go to margaritaville, 10 a.m. If I was on the road and it was a day off
Starting point is 00:31:45 and we're like, hey, we'll go to Margaritaville. That's great. We're Hawaiian shirts? Great. But we're talking about a specific drive to go to a Margaritaville. So, okay, Allison, so Gareth is wrong here. We didn't go anywhere else.
Starting point is 00:31:56 So he likes this, this is the setup. What is the specific question? Or unless there's more setup? And what's a fun fact about you? Oh, drop that. Drop that. I'll take you to Margaritaville. I'm still ruminating on that one.
Starting point is 00:32:10 OK. No, the specific question is what do I do as a concerned wife and partner? OK. Do I encourage this? Yeah. Do I set boundaries? Do I enable? Because that's what I've been doing so far. I bought him a margarita bill ball cap.
Starting point is 00:32:32 Which I had to get on Amazon because I couldn't find anywhere else, believe it or not. So I have been enabling this. And so this is an issue and you want it done? So. Yes, I need a conclusion. Let me, as full disclosure, allow me to just explain a little bit because I hate the song Margaritaville. You do? Yeah, when I was in Boston. Really?
Starting point is 00:32:57 Yes, just full candor. When I was in Boston going to college, I ended up getting a gig doing Murder Mystery boat cruises. Of course you did. Every Saturday. Nobody in the world is shocked. So every Saturday we would leave the harbor for three hours. It was open bar.
Starting point is 00:33:12 It was all you can eat. And these people from Boston would come on and just get shit canned. And I played a hippie character. And I was part of the Murder Mystery. And the big reveal. Do you have pics? I plan on it.
Starting point is 00:33:24 I probably had a thousand pics, but I don't have any of them. Okay, understood. But the reveal of what happened at the murder was the Margaritaville song. So at the end of every cruise, we had to sing Margaritaville. And it really, I mean, I probably did 150 of these.
Starting point is 00:33:43 So you hate this song. There's a particular thing that runs through my body when I hear it, so I particularly hate it. That's why you're so hot about this. I really hate, it's not because the Jimmy Buffett lifestyle is one of like, yay, let's chill. Smoking weed in Key West, man. Yeah, I mean, he was a billionaire, but still.
Starting point is 00:34:00 But yes, there is, so it's not. Chill out on the beach. Smoke a joint relax is great burger in paradise but what I love about that is that my husband and I my husband specifically loves murder mysteries as well so I think that might be his ideal scenario to Boston I bet you they still do him but okay but back to you I just wanted to explain why I have that makes a killer venom in that direction boy Boy, what a weird... Yeah, so Allison, can we hear a little bit more about Noah and how this all began? I would love to tell you. So he watched a YouTube video about these two guys who
Starting point is 00:34:36 visited every Margaritaville in the United States and Canada. How long ago did he watch this? Probably about a year ago. He watched this video and absolutely Was enamored with it. We got married in September this past September We were on our honeymoon and we got to the hotel and he was like I need to rewind I mean, I need to unwind and watch something our Honeymoon the night of our honeymoon and he put on that video You do need to rewind. What, where was your honeymoon?
Starting point is 00:35:07 Our honeymoon was in Los Angeles. We went to Disneyland. It was my first time and he'd been there before, but we spent the first day in Los Angeles. We did actually go to the bar where they shot the first season of New Girl. And- The Prince.
Starting point is 00:35:22 Yes, we did go to the Prince. Used to be my favorite bar before that show started Hmm, Scott, I used to go there and then the thing hep and I went back one night And I realized a few people asked me why I wasn't working. Well, and I went like, okay got it This bar is no longer for the JMA We had a great time there, but it's a great part but that was But that was our first night of our honeymoon as he put on that video Which he'd already seen before it's just that I'm watching you guys
Starting point is 00:35:49 Can I go just do one more question Gareth because we're starting to get a picture of Noah here my guy yes Love on my life is arc You said love of your life. Is that what you said Allison? Yes, you love this guy I do okay good It's nice to know was he into Jimmy Buffett before all this video Was he like always a buffet head a parrot head? No, is it literally did it start at the YouTube video? So this is it was it started with the YouTube video. Well, I guess I should back up a little further He first watched a video about these two guys going to every rainforest cafe in the United States of Canada And then he saw this second one
Starting point is 00:36:27 He loves themes. He loves themes. He's a creative designer loves theme parks loves beaming and I'm saying is that so he just okay? So he likes he first of all he likes videos of two guys going to restaurants. Yeah, the same. Yeah Yeah, he so he's like cool, so he's like, man, that's cool. And he's like, Allison, you're my guy. When he got married, he goes, I got a guy. I just signed a contract. I got a travel buddy for life. He views you as his theme park buddy. And it's so new. It's like he hooked you in. The first night. Yeah. It's like, this is what we do. Yeah, that's like real wild stuff. so the theme he picked at random It's not like you married a parrot head. He just said hey guess what now that we're married and this is our honeymoon Rather than a night of hot love-making check out this video where these guys go to
Starting point is 00:37:18 Margaritaville, and now I want to do it and you said what did I sign up for? It was quite literally the day after we got married. Holy shit. And I said, well, you're telling me that's not the fun fact about you. You told me it was a bad question. Councillor rest. So yeah, the fun fact about me is I married a parrot head.
Starting point is 00:37:41 You married a parrot head and you didn't know you got tricked into marrying a parrot head. You married a parrot head and you didn't know. You got tricked into marrying a parrot head. Yeah, you know, it was a closet parrot head, and we just found out. Here's what I'm thinking. The pitch is starting loose. I don't have anything great. I'm hoping you got something good. I got one I'm proud of.
Starting point is 00:37:55 You go first. Well, let's just, it is very strange, obviously. Very. So it's a perfect problem for us. Yeah. Yeah, I thought so. You can either do the one for one where you get something out of this for yourself. Which would be like what? Which would be like, I like you, you want to go to Paris, whatever the fuck it is,
Starting point is 00:38:15 you're like, look, we're doing your weird pilgrimages. I'm not going to Margaritaville, Paris, so we're taking that off the list. It'll be great. He didn't mean Margaritaville, Paris. You need to stop pretending that you're okay with this. You imagine going to Paris and in Paris you go, what should we do? Margarita bill! Welcome to Margariteville. Hey, Babbel.com. How do you say cheeseburger in paradise? Bigger fromage.
Starting point is 00:38:42 Fromage de frites. Bigger from us from us the Freed So I think get something out of it for yourself is one option where you go like what? Well, like you like something like there's something that you really want to do that Maybe you haven't told them or that you haven't even thought of so with that idea Allison Is there anything that sparks you as Gareth is starting to go? Could you do a one for a one? Could you say Thursday we're driving to Boston to go to Margaritaville, but Thursday night. We're doing blank We're going to Providence because I want to do this yes, is there anything that comes to the top of your head The thing is I already did that I
Starting point is 00:39:18 Tried that what's your fun fact Allison? He's digging this dog smells a bone in the yard She's about this is a Colombo moment. I already did that here's the weirdest fun fact about me that i didn't say earlier what did you already do i've been eating my couch and he allowed me to do it which brings me up to my strange addiction that's what i was talking about i know you were and i love the show oh god uh okay go ahead sorry to interrupt the moment. I'm something but I know I'm a big fan of The outsiders the book the movie and the recent Broadway perfect. You are crazy. Okay, I know And so my honey, so we went to go see the outsiders. I
Starting point is 00:40:01 Guess maybe it was it was the opposite way where I took him to go through the outsiders and he said, okay, but we're going to Margaritaville. So the next time- Okay, yeah. So he's one and one and you. This is what you could do. You could find, if he really has this compulsion to go to every Margaritaville, a statement that 10 minutes ago I would have said sounded insane. Yeah. You can find some things in driving distance of some of these margaritavilles and get something out of it for yourself. Yeah. So you can go like if
Starting point is 00:40:30 there's somewhere you want to go, you can go, I want to go here. Good news. There's a margaritaville an hour away so we can check your weird box. Let me let me jump onto that for a little bit, Allison, because let's be honest, margaritaville is irrelevant. He just picked it. It's not like it's a deep love, he's a theme guy. So what I would recommend is let's find other themed restaurants that you can tolerate. If you told me when he was nine,
Starting point is 00:40:59 my first concert was a Jimmy Buffett concert in real life when I was 14. Smoked a joint with a 40 year old lady out of a dollar bill. Out of a dollar bill? They rolled a joint out of money and we all smoked it and I thought. Wow. When he was nine? Cheeseburger in paradise.
Starting point is 00:41:15 No, I was 14. Cheeseburger in paradise. The biggest crush on a human being I've ever had in my life in that moment. Really? Yeah, she had her arm around me, we smoked a joint together, and I was like, wow, I'm in love with you. Anyhow, not about me. Yeah, it is. This is good context.
Starting point is 00:41:29 So, Allison, all we need to do is find other themed restaurants, the Rainforest Cafe. Hard Rock. Hard Rock. Yeah. Well, but you go to good places. Yes, but you could find another theme that you could tempt him with so that you could say
Starting point is 00:41:46 Oh pizzeria you you like who no, please You could say I'm not against you and me going to themed places. You know me. I'm an outsider's girl Yeah, I like this stuff. We went to fucking Disney You know we just went tell I'm into it. I'll go to all the theme parks. I'll go to the stuff We got to replace Margaritaville. I like that idea and you can't just say that with nothing because I hate when someone says hey What you're doing isn't working and I go okay, and then they go, but I don't know what to do Yeah, have a pitch three options. What are other themes that you could be interested in? So I love a good trip to the Olive Garden
Starting point is 00:42:24 This is like He's gonna be calling us in a month. That's insane. What's the theme? Free bread? What's the theme? Diarrhea? I think it's good because I don't have taste. By the way, that should not be the commercial. The Olive Garden. I think it's good because I don't have taste. When you're here, you have no clue. When you're here, you'll get diarrhea. So, OK. I think it's good.
Starting point is 00:42:52 But what's the theme? What's the theme of the Olive Garden? We were just talking about. Italy. Yes, Italy. Kind of. Sure. OK.
Starting point is 00:43:02 All right. OK. I don't know. It's the thing about that Olive Garden is it's ubiquitous. They're everywhere. Yeah. The Olive Gardens are everywhere. Okay. But we're building.
Starting point is 00:43:14 Yes. Yes. We might be building some. I think we can make that work. But let's hear some other ones. So you love the Olive Garden. What else do you like? I like the Olive Garden.
Starting point is 00:43:22 Um, I like, there aren't that many themed restaurants that I like the Olive Garden. I like there aren't that many themed restaurants that I like is the issue. Okay but what do you like? I do like Red Robin but I don't know what the theme of that would be. Okay you like Red Robin so you like really kind of okay keep going so you like Olive Garden you like Red Robin they have free fries you like free stuff Red Robin does unlimited fries Olive Garden does unlimited bread they don't anymore yeah Olive Garden Olive Garden. Yeah, they stopped that Oh, okay. So what else so you would you like those kind of you know, I've got a theme You like big chain restaurants, right? Olive Garden is a chain, right? What's a third big chain you like?
Starting point is 00:43:58 I like the Cheesecake Factory. Okay, which maybe that's controversial, but I like it. Okay, so here's what I would pitch to you. I Would pitch rather than going to Margaritaville, which those two guys already did in their YouTube video You say why don't we pave our own path and go to all? Every olive garden in the country. How about this? Just again, we're she's admittedly has no taste. She's admitted this. She doesn't care. Red Lobster is going through a bit of a bankruptcy.
Starting point is 00:44:33 So there are not a lot of Red Lobsters remaining. That's interesting. What if you went on the remaining Red Lobster tour? Ooh. Like a farewell tour? Yes. A farewell tour. The Cheddar Bay biscuits are unbelievable But you guys can find that I mean they've they've cut their red lobsters in half
Starting point is 00:44:50 So you guys can go on the tour of going to the remaining red lobsters and you could film it and create your own YouTube videos that could be true Because this all started right go ahead Allison. I Was gonna say this is I'm gonna just keep dropping fun facts about myself. This is maybe the opportunity to put my journalism degree to you. Sure. Now we're talking. Sure.
Starting point is 00:45:14 But, so here's what we're, so you're just saying you're not against Noah. You're not against, you love the guy. You're very similar. You're a heck of a match. You're in a wind tunnel. Yeah, you're not comfortable with Margaritaville. Yeah. So would you rather do a red lobster tour,
Starting point is 00:45:31 would you like to do an olive garden tour? Because the other thing you could do is you can go to every single olive garden on the East Coast. And guess what? You might have to drive to a weird one in Maine, but you go like, honey, honey, I found one. There's a small olive garden at the tip of Maine.
Starting point is 00:45:48 Yeah. You might need to travel with a doctor eventually, but you could, this could be, you guys could, and then you could see how different the olive gardens are. Comparing. You could find that. Let me tell you, someone has been to a lot of olive gardens. There are different, but you could find like morale among them. You could find your favorite olive garden.
Starting point is 00:46:04 Yeah. Yeah. It'll be big one. An olive. Yeah. Yeah. We did one. That would be great. An Olive Garden ranking. That's kind of fun. Oh, that would be fun. And you guys could dress if it's like a Margaritaville, like a parrot
Starting point is 00:46:15 head has a look and aesthetic. You guys create like you go to like Italy in the summer. All those novels about like a woman who's like finding life and love and she's wearing like flowy white pants and what you guys could dress like you're living the life of an Italian vacation. You could dress like Italian, like authentic Italians who don't know what an olive garden is. Yes. And so part, you're a parrot head, you are a garden head.
Starting point is 00:46:41 Yes. Yes. Garden head. You're a garden head. You're an garden head. You're an olive head. You're a garden. I like that. I like that. What do you think of that? I like that. I like that even more because I think that will make him mad because he studied abroad in Italy and came back and called Olive Garden his personal hell. So I think maybe that might be the tip for cat I need. It's not going to work know We're on your side, but we're not trying to harm Noah we were trying to make
Starting point is 00:47:09 Yeah, you're like that's good because no no will be in hell and he'll never do and I will win our marriage That is a competition. I will best that just started So you could so here's the move we were going in a direction you took a turn well the turn could work We're on your team. Okay, you could say every time you want to go to Margaritaville We go to an olive we go to it We're olive heads and we have to wear black berets like we're olive heads and we go to an olive garden in the same Sedoras Margaritaville in the morning olive garden at night And you are by midnight and you speak with an Italian accent to the way.
Starting point is 00:47:47 And he hates it and he goes, this has to stop. And you go, let's cancel Olive Garden, cancel out Margaritaville, let's find a new one together. And let me just say, because we do have to go, but let me just say, if you wanna just kill Margaritaville fully, my pitch in that direction is willingly go to a Margaritaville and you fake a food poisoning. Because when you get food poisoned at a restaurant, you never want to go back.
Starting point is 00:48:14 I pretty much swore off Malaysian food because one time I got food poisoning in college. Someone recently had to be like, that's not the culture designed to give you food poisoning. It was a shitty restaurant. So Allison, what do you think? Where you at? I think I like Either trying to cancel out Margaritaville with Olive Garden or finding a third neutral space Okay, you guys could be the lobster tails. Go to red lobster. Go on a red lobster So I say use Olive Garden to cancel out Margaritaville Then when you're in a blank because red lobsters have an interesting extent.
Starting point is 00:48:47 Yes, as well as if you wanted to document it, you could call it the lobster tails. Yes. And you could even do the duck tails theme. I'm over pitching, go ahead, Jake. Oh, you love duck tails. Okay, I like that. Lobster tails, woo.
Starting point is 00:48:59 Yes, what do you think? Yeah, I like that. I think maybe we need to become the lobster tails. So what are you actually going to do? Because look, this was fun. We learned a lot of fun facts about you, but we're not here just for fun. We're here to help. So what are you actually going to do when we get off this phone and you contact Noah? I think I'm going to tell him that I think we're going to become the lobster tails. I really genuinely think that might be the answer. What a phone call. Let's do it really fast.
Starting point is 00:49:27 Gareth, you're Noah. Okay, I thought we were gonna actually call him. And then, I mean, it'd be great to actually call him. You wanna call him? Yes, can we? How could we do it? Yeah, you can call him. Kevin, I know we're ruining Kevin's schedule.
Starting point is 00:49:39 17 minutes over, but yeah, let's call him. Yeah, we can call him. 17 minutes over, but yeah, let's call him. Yeah, we can call him. 17 minutes over but yeah, let's call him. Let's just do it really fast. There's an episode title. If he doesn't answer, he doesn't answer. That's an epitile.
Starting point is 00:49:52 Can you try to merge him in the call? Okay. 17 minutes. Yeah, we can do that. All right, let's do it really fast and let's just see what happens. Okay, he is at work. Can I have just 30 seconds to get his work number?
Starting point is 00:50:05 Sure. Okay. All right, Kevin. All right, just that is a top five Kevin moment for me. 17 minutes over, but okay, sure, let's call. He's plotted the morning. Yeah, he's got things lined up. He's like, this call is great.
Starting point is 00:50:22 First call. And then you and I are on, we're making this a whole episode. We're putting a call in, it's probably not gonna answer. Yeah, well, he's probably not gonna answer. If he does, he's gonna go, what is this? Yeah, he's gonna be like, what? And then we're gonna try to explain this? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:36 It's not gonna go well. It's gonna go crazy. Where are we at, Allison? I got a pitch. Why don't we, at the end of recording today, we have a minute, why don't we call the end of recording today? We have a minute Why don't we call him at the very end Kevin? What do you think of that? That sound so Allison you can have a minute to get your shit together
Starting point is 00:50:50 We will call you and what when Kevin like two hours two hours. We'll call you we can merge the calls that sound okay That sounds wonderful. All right All right, and so what we're gonna do now to end this one is And so what we're going to do now to end this one is. But. That's just. I'll see you later. I'll talk to you soon. Thank you so much.
Starting point is 00:51:07 Thank you. Bye bye. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Booking.com Booking. Yeah. All right. Shark, you know what's up. It's finally time for summer travel. And there are so many choices of places to stay on Booking.com.
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Starting point is 00:54:36 Purchase any PC monitor between $715.24 and $911.24, and Dell will donate a dollar seventy five cents for each eligible product within your purchase to computer aid capped at one point two million total for details and restrictions go to Dell.com slash deals hello hey I'm gonna do the follow-up intro here cuz Jake is an enormous bite Like an hour and a half noodles eating meatballs What what's your name and Remind us what your first call was if you can Hello, my name is Allison and my first call was about my husband being obsessed with Margaritaville. Oh yes. Oh yes okay so he has an unhealthy obsession with Margaritaville. We pitched a tremendous
Starting point is 00:55:38 amount of stuff. What did we land on? We landed on you kind of making Olive Garden. Making Olive Garden yours. Is that right? We pitched that one. We also discussed the possibility of bringing in a third in the form of Red Lobster. Oh, that's what it was. That's right. Right. And that's yours.
Starting point is 00:55:57 And doing a farewell tour of Red Lobster. Sweetie, I want to bring in a third. Yeah. Really? Bringing in Red Lobster. I've been thinking about that. It's Red Lobster. It's the least sexy bringing in a third of all the rest.
Starting point is 00:56:05 How funny is it when we hear our pitch and we're like, I don't like it. And so what did you end up doing? What's happened? Where are we at? Walk us through it. Well, the last that I heard, we wanted to bring Noah into the conversation.
Starting point is 00:56:20 That's my husband. We were like 17 minutes over and he was gonna call back. Oh, right. That's right. Okay. Get his perspective and he is ready to go. Oh, yeah. All right amazing. Okay. Okay Here we go. Look alive everybody We're really gonna see Noah's Ark Yes cameras mine
Starting point is 00:56:40 none of them None of them Alright no, are you on the phone? Hello? Hi? Hi, how are you? So Noah we are call we are talking to you from a podcast called We're Here to Help. Oh. Allison, you want to explain what the hell's happening? T.S. up a little bit, Allison. Otherwise, this feels like an intervention. Oh, jeez Louise. Noah, this is because I care about you.
Starting point is 00:57:20 That hurts our cause. I hear you. And we've gone too far with Margaritaville. We've gone too far and I had to speak. I was going to say professional help but I don't think you can. So I had to call my help. So Noah, what Allison called in because she said this obsession with Margaritaville is getting out of control.
Starting point is 00:57:44 You're going to Boston, you got to go to margaritaville we all love margaritaville, but she called us because it's getting a little much yeah, I Mean, I'd love to go to the Canada one too, but here I am, you know, so can you walk us through? How margaritaville is an obsession started for you and what's happening? What's up? all right, I'll put it like this. I guess so I Grew up going to Know your connection broke up for a second. Are you like in a different room or something? Margaritaville? We sorry we can't you want a Margaritaville Wi-Fi?
Starting point is 00:58:26 We can't really hear you. No, no, I'm in the middle of nowhere, wife. Oh, okay. It's breaking up too much. Yeah, it's breaking up. It's kind of hard to hear you, sorry. This is God's will. It's totally fine.
Starting point is 00:58:40 Uh, okay. Hi, it's Kevin. Unfortunately, Noah's audio was cutting in and out here for the next couple minutes. So we rescheduled it where he had a better connection. And we're now going to jump to then enjoy. Hello, I'm Allison again. And this is my husband Noah. Say hi, Noah. Hi. Hello. Hi. No, it's here because he loved Margaritaville. Yes. I'm here because I'm concerned. Yes. He loved. I love Margaritaville. That's intense.
Starting point is 00:59:13 Alice Noah, walk us through what's going on. So it's escalated. It always does. Start back at the beginning. Start at the beginning. Now we're talking, Noah. Take the reins. Well, since we've last spoken, we've gotten a dog. And Noah has made special trips to pet stores at least half an hour away to specifically get Margaritaville dog toys. Oh my God. Noah. Noah.
Starting point is 00:59:41 Noah. Noah, there's a reason why your name starts with no. Wait, no. Margaritaville dog toys? What are those? I can't help it that they merchandise what they want to merchandise. Do we have photos of them? Yeah. Can you send them to the shark?
Starting point is 01:00:01 Can we see what a Margaritaville toy looks like? Can we just talk about the reach of Jimmy Buffett merch-wise? Is just- God bless his soul. God bless a man's soul. Yeah. So you've been- We walked into Petco.
Starting point is 01:00:17 I thought I was being punked. There was an entire end cap display of Margaritaville dog and cat toys. And I thought this was like elaborate news. We're seeing it right now. Gareth, walk us through what we're looking at. I'd rather not. Actually, hold on. Noah, will you? Oh, wait, Noah, you're not seeing what we're seeing.
Starting point is 01:00:36 Never mind. We're seeing. No, no, I'm in an office in the middle of nowhere. OK, so we're seeing bird options, parrots, flamingos, a margarita glass, then a doggy chew, a fake margarita with a fake salted rim that's probably a squeaky toy, more just aquatic crustaceans, octopi, a car with a surfboard on it, margaritaville dog bowls, brace, it's truly a little bottle of Cuervo, a little bottle of Corona. Okay, so now back to, now Noah, we gotta talk to you for a little bit. What's going on?
Starting point is 01:01:09 What's going on? Who hurt you? And why were they drinking margarita when they did? Yeah. What's happening here? No, I mean, it's just, it's so intriguing to me. I have been on a path all my life going into themed entertainment. I love the themed entertainment industry.
Starting point is 01:01:31 It's the industry that I found my job in that's made me happy ever since. I can remember as a little kid when I hit my head on a brick wall at Disneyland. A facet of that is being read around. Hold on. Hold on. You're right. hold on hold on. That's right. You're right It was everything was going great And then your story and then a piano fell on my head and now it's all margaret Mouse through me into a building and then I don't ever since then I've been a theme guy Yeah, I don't remember two years. Yeah, I mean truly that is like when the spider bit spider-man. Yes
Starting point is 01:02:03 Like that is like truly that is your origin. Okay, so you were at Disney, you hit your head and you've become since then, your brain got rattled and you went theme parks. Themes. And then. That's exactly what happened. I was in the sixth grade and I've been like that ever since. This is an origin for either a superhero or a villain.
Starting point is 01:02:23 Completely, this is Bruce Wayne watching his parents get murdered Margarita man Yeah, except who feet tossed you into a wall and so Just just to catch up because I'll tell you what this call is not about us judging you like in Margaritaville Great enjoy for that. I mean great. You're happy Margaritaville's happy who cares man. I You're happy, Margaritaville's happy, who cares, man? I wrestle with a dummy in my garage, who am I to talk? And I don't always win. That's something I don't mention.
Starting point is 01:02:51 I'd argue you've lost before you start. I'd argue physically I've lost, because I get in a position where I can't get it off of me. And I yell tap, I tap. And then afterwards, I get mad, I then push it off and get like the little kid frustrated where I'm like, get the fuck off me. And I'm alone, my man.
Starting point is 01:03:10 So back to you guys. So what was the final pitch we gave? What have you done? Where are we at? What's happening? Allison or Noah, the floor is yours. So the last we talked, the latest pitch was going to Red Lobster. And then we tried to talk to Noah and we couldn't hear him.
Starting point is 01:03:34 Right. Now we're lost. Right. That's what it was. We didn't even get that far with me. This is the first time hearing that. This is the first time we've started getting to know Noah. And so what happened with Red Lobster?
Starting point is 01:03:49 Well, nothing, because I don't think the one near us is open anymore. It is. You just don't like going to it. Yeah. So basically where we're at after the first call is no change. Margaritaville has gotten even more now that you have a dog Yeah, and Allison this isn't quite a follow-up. This is a call for help question mark a Recomplaint because okay solve is that Noah's going further places for more Margarita. So then Allison What yeah, you're asking me that I've worked on myself since last we tried to talk I have not and I've just gone deeper. I love it. By the way, same in all areas. And by the way, that should be a shirt. If you've asked me if I've gotten better, I haven't. I've just gone deeper in all bad areas.
Starting point is 01:04:39 That's the name of my memoir right there. So Allison, what is the specific question that we can help you with with Noah on? Keep in mind, I go which way the wind blows and right now I'm all for. You happy at Margaritaville? Go to Margaritaville. A dog likes a squeaky toy. Who cares if it's a margarita glass? But Allison, the floor is yours. So my question is, should I be concerned? Do I intervene or do I just get swept in the tidal wave? That's a good question, Garrett. Well, you called us
Starting point is 01:05:16 because this was too much. That was what the call was. So now you're saying, this is what has happened. Let me walk you through. You called us, you said, my husband is addicted to heroin. We said, you need to ask if he's okay going out for a drink a couple times a week. The last time he tried to call, his phone didn't work. Now he's called back and you said, hey, he's still doing heroin and like he's mixed in speed balls and he's coming home.
Starting point is 01:05:42 How close am I to solving this? You're further, There's no solve You're further away the problem still exists I think he's just kind of whittled you down much like the weird dummy Jake has living in his little weird Russell's Shed his name is Anthony stop. It's just No, you know what the dummies name is I just named him Jimmy Buffett The name is I just named him Jimmy Buffett Violent Margaritaville now you're further enabling Yeah, so here's I got a pitch and I got a pitch now that we get to know Noah and I like guys need a trial
Starting point is 01:06:17 Separation. No, we don't know. No, I like it. I also like this couple together. I think you guys are having a good time I do here's here's my advice to you, Allison Lean into Margaritaville. Yeah You tried to fight it. You can't you know what happens if you're in a storm and the rain's coming down You don't have an umbrella You're gonna get wet. What you're gonna get wet So here's what I say stop running under a tree and going you're in a goddamn tsunami lady Let Margaritaville pour through your veins if Noah's a 10 you're a hundred walk in singing
Starting point is 01:06:56 cheeseburger in paradise 100 this 10 no, what are you thinking? What are you thinking of that Noah, how about if she leaned in? I would say that it's five o'clock somewhere right now. Now we are talking baby. Jake, you Jake, Jake has it's always five o'clock somewhere. OK, Alice, Allison, go ahead. So now I have a new question. How do I 100 the 10? Okay, and then let me answer that by saying this. Noah, the floor is yours. How
Starting point is 01:07:36 do we get her to Margaritaville? Oh, she just has to hop in a car with me and we'll go. She just got her enhanced driver's license. She can get into Canada now. That's where the best one is. Jesus Christ. That was a surprise. That was a surprise. That was a surprise. That was a surprise.
Starting point is 01:07:54 That was a surprise. That was a surprise. That was a surprise. Going to another country for a Margaritaville. She had to get a special license to go to the Canadian Margaritaville. Allison, I got a passport. She said, I have a passport. This's the only reason I have a passport. This sounds like you're getting into a secondary location.
Starting point is 01:08:09 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a question for you, Allison. I don't think there's a fix to this problem. I don't think we're going to slow it down. I think this is a snowball going downhill fast. And the question to you is, do you want to join it or do you want to stand by the side and let the Margaritaville phase happen because it will come to an end there's only so much in Margaritaville until Noah goes this is a
Starting point is 01:08:35 new theme park I'm excited about but it might be six months it might be five years but the Margaritaville well doesn't run that deep. I think he might surprise you. Do you think this is for life, Noah? Honey, I will say, the last stage of grief, Allison, is acceptance. Oh no. I was really hoping you were talking to me
Starting point is 01:08:57 with that stuff. I thought he was too. I was like, no. I wanted you just to go like this. Honey, let me tell you, you're way wrong, Jake, and I was gonna be put in my damn place. Okay. If it's not you, honey, let me tell you, you're way wrong, Jake, and I was going to be put in my damn place. OK, I am. Honey, we have a separate problem.
Starting point is 01:09:09 No, then we would have a gold mine. Honey, let me tell you, this well runs deep. And what I would say to that is I apologize. I am. I just love how quickly Jake dropped any defense. I mean, it really is. But what do you think, Garf? Like, if you're on the outside of this, what do you really think? I think to your point, and to Noah's credit,
Starting point is 01:09:33 we can't get out of the way of this. So we have to just allow it. I think, Allison, your choice, you can lean in. I mean, shit, you could get like Margarita Real wrapping for the car if that felt comfortable, but you're not going to out crazy this crazy. This is already gone. This ship is sailed. So what I would say is you have two options and both could maybe work. The first option is either you or Noah, maybe right now can give us something that is something you want that is a little harder to come by, something that Noah can trade you for this Margarita nightmare he's dragged you into. That's your first option.
Starting point is 01:10:11 What is something? You wanna go to a chalet, go skiing, whatever the hell it is, what is that? And let's offer that up as something that Noah now agrees to help you with, come fully on board for. So that we have a trade. So basically that idea is,
Starting point is 01:10:24 you will, she will go to the Canada Margaritaville with Noah if he does blank with her. Yes. Allison, you got something? Hmm. I want him to get on a roller coaster. Noah thoughts. Do you have one in mind?
Starting point is 01:10:42 The great bear at Hershey park. No. Do you have one in mind? The Great Bear at Hershey Park. No. Hmm. Okay. I'm hearing you. I'm hearing you.
Starting point is 01:10:50 Noah, she's going to go to a Canadian Margaritaville. I want to hear who Noah says, he's hearing her. This is for the Canada Margaritaville. That is all the marbles Margaritaville. Ah, that is all the marvels. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:07 I do it. I would do that. Take the win. I can look at that. We got that. We got that. That's recorded. And then Allison, let's do this and Noah.
Starting point is 01:11:15 Let's all make an agreement. The first thing you guys do is the roller coaster and you guys take a photo before and after. Yeah, after that is complete. You send that to us then Stamp those passports because you two crazy kids are going north of the border day, Canada When you're when you're in Canada you're in Margaritaville cuz it's five o'clock somewhere no is this something I will agree to I Would absolutely agree to this all right for David right now Allison is this something you will agree to? I would absolutely agree to this. I'll sign a porn affidavit right now.
Starting point is 01:11:47 Allison, is this something you would agree to? I agree. Hey, we're getting it on, guys. But that is great for a couple of reasons. One, because it is a very good exchange. And the second is my second pitch was that the next time you're in a Margaritaville, you have to throw Noah head first into a wall there to undo this Guys follow up with us. Yes after the roller coaster and the canada with we demand a force
Starting point is 01:12:19 We demand a fourth and we definitely want the photos, please. Yes Okay, i'll also send you the photos of the dog toys. Yes, please. That was a pass purchase. All right, we appreciate it. What is the dog's name? Okay. Jimmy. His name is Tulsa. He is an eagle.
Starting point is 01:12:31 That's shocking. All right, thank you. Thank you guys for the call. This was a lot of fun. She got the naming right, but I wasn't allowed anywhere near that. And Noah, if you could have named the dog, what would you have been? Jimmy. Okay, have a good day, buddy.
Starting point is 01:12:44 Bye, guys. Yeah, okay, you too. All right. Okay have a good day buddy. Bye guys. Yeah okay you too. Alright thank you so much for your time. See you. Thank you. Hey everyone producer Kevin here. One of the Gilly Beans listener Jonah Gallegos sent us this amazing song and we wanted to play it. So I hope you enjoy and the link for it is in the episode description if you want to listen to it as well. Enjoy and have a good one. We're here to help, you can tell us all your problems We'll figure them out, you need answers and you've got them We're on your side, we'll give you options, you decide Don't act so surprised, we'll change your life
Starting point is 01:13:40 We're here for you, so without further ado So you need some motivation for your soccer team Or help with your character in D&D Maybe you're afraid your parents made a tape We watch it for you, don't you hesitate It's the least that we can do You gave your boss tickets to an ostrich farm Your husband wants to put a circus in your barn And if you need to craft an epic life Madonna's searching for that perfect fright Don't worry, we'll help you through
Starting point is 01:14:32 Cause we're here to help, you can tell us all your problems We'll figure them out, you need answers and we've got them We're on your side, we'll give you options, you decide Don't act so surprised, we'll change your life We're here for you, so without further due Your old neighbor painted you, now you don't know what to do So we'll buy the painting and hang it in this room And if you got some creepy baby dolls Bet your dad put from the wall Frederick and Big Fat Baby Make a video call to convince your boyfriend
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Starting point is 01:16:38 Denzel Washington Just tell him, get these sent to hell So we're here to help, you can tell us all your problems We'll figure them out, you need answers and we've got them We're on your side, we'll give you options, you decide Don't act so surprised, we'll change your life We're here for you, so without further ado We're here for you, so without further ado
Starting point is 01:17:15 We're here for you, so without further ado We're here for you, so without further ado I do

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