We're Here to Help - 111: Put Some Jeans on that Baby Jesus

Episode Date: September 5, 2024

Jake and Gareth talk to callers about a baby photoshoot, a grandpa who keeps sending steaks and jetskis in the driveway. Later, the guys follow up with the second caller from episode 76 "Bathroom Trash is Private with Hannah Simone." Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Early Access, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And we are back! Kevin the shark just said before we started, I have a Vegas story. A shark in Vegas? Come on. Come on. What do you got? You're gonna get some stories. I went to a restaurant by myself at an online reservation.

By the way, agreed. Agreed. I mean, let's start. I had a wedding with his wife. And I love it. I went to a restaurant by myself at an online reservation. By the way, I mean, let's start. I had a wedding with his wife. And I love it. I can't wait. They all went to Magic Mike. But I love- I said table for one.

Okay. I agree with the call. He Penerid Vegas. Right? Yes. I mean, this off, I got a Vegas story. So let me walk you through a wild night in Vegas. I'd go to dinner alone.

Thank you very much. Well, let's see. Because if it just ends with, I got a pretty good deal on some fries. That's not a Vegas story. They asked me to leave because I was watching a lady eat too much, they said. What's the Vegas story?

I went to, I saw a restaurant that I said, that's cool. I'm gonna see if they can do like a reservation. Table for one. They call me immediately and go, are you okay? We're just, we're double checking table for one because it's normally family style. It's like several plates. And I was like, I'll make it work.

It's fine. And so I show up and they're like, Kevin. And I was like, yep, I'm gonna get the spaghetti. And they're like, you're sure, right? It's for four. Oh, Kevin. Pretty good. So for the listeners, we're looking at a plate of spaghetti for a family of four.

What's that drink? It's a plaid. I asked for a wine. It was a wine sangria and a full basket of bread. By the way, that spaghetti looks so fucking good. It was incredible. It was delicious. But this guy just came off of his weight loss. Agre We're not going back to no we're not we bought

I thought this was amazing, but can we just talk about I mean he's off the wagon Have you talked to your trainer what trainer I? Got a huge thing of spaghetti so you eat this and that people people, how this staff is treating you like a regular man? Or they're worried about it? No, they're a little confused why there aren't people with me and then I went straight to a cigar lounge after this. Dreamed of the humidor. Yeah, and how do you like it? I love it. I'm gonna throw the Stokies in there right after this.

Yeah, that's what we wanted when we ordered it. Yeah, that's what we were thinking. I don't know why we're turning the we stuff into a comedy. We ordered it. When I was in New York, we went and saw The Lion King. And it was all right. The people behind us were talking in a normal voice. The whole fucking show.

But I honestly feel like it, I know I'm being an old man grump. No. I was like, culturally, the world has changed'm being an old man grump. No. It, I was like, culturally the world has changed. That you're not being grumpy for that. But I was like, it literally during the show and I kept doing the look back and he was like a nice enough man. Yeah. He was just talking to his kid and his kid would be like, is that this?

And he would go, yeah. So what happens there? Then like, I guess his brother, his friend were talking and then there were like people in another section talking and another and I'm like Do people just talk in theaters now? I've gone to movies recently where I'm like, there's fully I see phones on So what has happened and there is this garbage there's this level. I mean I see it stand-up shows where it's like There is most people still get it. Yes, there are people and there is an age factor, but it's also just the compatibility.

There are people who are like, I'm at the show. I'm here to I deserve to like do what I want at the show. There is this idea of like, I do what I want. It's like, yes, but you go to a place where we're all like going to do a thing, so shut the fuck up. There's no thought about others. No. In a way that I'm like, like literally this guy was talking and then we'd look at each

other and he would do the like, oh, that dude's getting pissed vibe and like do like a little nod five minutes of quiet and then yeah, well the other thing that's happened, I'm like, you know we can hear you. You gotta say something. You have to say I because I'll do that on planes too where like someone will kick your seat like the look the look is no longer working. The look is off. You have to add a that you gotta nip it in the bud. Yeah at least try like I had to say that about a kid kicking my seat a couple weeks I was like hey she's really

kicking my seat. And what happened? It stopped. I did. Yes. Yeah. But it, but the look, nothing. Yeah. Look was nothing. By the way, the look used to be everything.

The look used to be plenty. If you gave a look, it was like, Whoa, I got the log. And you'd be building up to the look. Agreed. I mean, if this keeps happening, I'm going to have to look. I built up to it. Yeah. I was like, here we go.

They're about to get it. Get ready for stink guys My friends saw a fast and furious and the guy was texting next to him the entire time and finally he leaned over and went Hey, can you stop and the guy went stop what? Yeah. Well, that's kind of the vibe. Yeah, it's why yeah And why would you care the guy who I made eye contact with it wasn't aggressive back? It was more like I don't like I'm sorry, you're looking at me and you're mad. I'm just talking to my kid. Yeah.

And you're like, well, you're allowed to talk to your kid, but the rest of us have paid to see only those people talk. Yeah. Uh, it's weird. I did feel, cause I've noticed it in movies too. Uh, I'm not a big going out to movies guy. I love watching them at home. Yeah.

And I'm like, man, this shit has changed. We go to a new place now where like, you know, you get like foods that serve food at home. And I'm like, man, this shit has changed. We go to a new place now where you get foods served. Food things have changed. But I'm like, we're in such a new, and this is all my kids know where they're like, can we go out to watch a movie and literally eat like chicken Parmesan? I'm like, no.

That bowl of fucking pasta gets set down in front of them. You're like, kind of. And then in the movie you'll have, we had people sitting in front of us in this movie, and the mom, there was a few aisles of her kids and her kids' friends. in the movie you'll have like we had people sitting in front of us in this movie And the mom there was like a few aisles of like her kids and her kids friends during the movies She'd go like did you guys eat and I'm like? shot Can't go two hours without eating. Yes. It's we are like at the play. Yeah, I'm a gradation

Yes, I'm like every gas station has to be like where the Wendy's one Where the Del Taco gas like you can't just go get gas It is wild when you go through a phase where you go you stop at a gas station or something and you choose not to get Food. Oh, yeah, like this is wild. It's nuts I'm back in the car without snacks and nuts or you go sometimes go to one. You're like you guys don't have yeah Yeah, anything to eat and they're like're like a gas station is gross when you realize How much grazing we do is how it'll be nights at night. I'm just walking in my kitchen without even thinking I'm just like opening the cabinet and be like good show. I don't need it. I'm not even hungry. No, yeah

No, it's like you could control it by day. Yes. At night you're like, I must have crazen. Something changed. We're out of crazen. Yeah, it's crazy. Without further ado, enjoy the food. Hello. Hello. All right, take it away. Okay. Well, Shark, you gotta take it away because we don't understand what's happening. Okay., caller, this is the Shark. Can you introduce yourself? Amazing his name's now the Shark. Say your age, where you're calling from, and something we are having fun with is,

what is your hair color? Well. Sounds weird. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, it's cool, it's cool. We're back, we're back. What's your hair color? Oh yeah, it's MO35 New York, and it's just gray right now. Ooh, yeah. So we got it. We're back. What's your hair color? Oh, yeah.

It's Emma 35, New York. And it's just gray right now. Cool. A couple of grays today. And what's your name? Emma. Oh, it's Emma. Hi, Emma.

Emma 35, New York, gray, liking the setup. Where in New York is this? Long Island. Oh, of course. Yeah, traffic's a nightmare. OK, Emma. the What the fuck? What do you mean? I don't get it. I feel like... So... Go ahead. So, my mom is known to be really zany with Christmas letter photos. Okay. She's carried around hats, Santa hats in Australia when we were visiting and we were in a museum.

And she said, oh look, I just happen to have these Santa hats. And she made everyone take a picture riding on a kangaroo surfing on a surfboard. And so this year she's decided since she has eight grandkids, we can do an entire kind of Christmas scene. And she wants my son to be a naked baby Jesus. And I would like to stop that from happening. That's a lot of pressure.

Well, also why does Jesus have to be naked? I felt like he was in the manger. That's a lot of pressure. Well, also, why does Jesus have to be naked? Yep. I felt like he was in the manger. He had some hay on him. Cause I was also a hundred percent into let this happen. I don't like the idea of a six month old baby being naked. It's not weird until you say it. In a tank top.

Jake wants the carpenter one. Put a fake mustache on it and a, you know, like a carpenter's cap. Jake wants the carpenter one put a fake mustache and a you know like a carpenter's cap Jake wants jeans us Yeah, so you're it's Specifically asking for a baby to be weird common. It is weird. Yeah, it's weird Let's just say like I would like your baby to be Jesus in this photo I'm honest if I'm you I'm a yes if they go I would love your babe one of your daughters to be naked in this I'd love one of your daughters to be Jesus in this comma naked. I'm going why that's a weird thing You just said fucking pass. We're passing. I'm putting cut-off jeans on this kid. I'm putting a bedazzled t-shirt on and I'm getting a

Curly-haired wig. What are you talking about? I? Mean I don't I don't want him to be so embarrassed in the future. Okay, like when he's older Because she's really really popular with these, with these I, um, but I think you just, I think Jake act maybe just, is that Jesus been the background, put some underpants on, there's some clothing on the boy. He's in the manger. I think you just hit on a great pitch, which is dress them up. Yeah.

Be like, we can do this, but then you go you do Target worker you do Dress him like he's in the Geek Squad and say a baby target worker in the manger and then go your mom will go Can I take his clothes off and you go no yeah? Yeah, I think you negotiate that you get to pick the wardrobe now But you know quietly you go like pick the wardrobe. Now, Target worker. But you do it quietly. You go like this, of course you could use my son. Can I pick his clothes?

And she'll go, yeah, I mean, he's Jesus. And you go, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus, the guy who works at Best Buy in a Geeks con. Or in Target. Just think of like a Geeks con. Or you know, you could also do a Footlocker worker. I actually worked with a Jesus in Starbucks once and he's still on my phone forever. And I want to think about calling Jesus. So maybe we can dress him up

as that Jesus. And I can say that I thought it was that Jesus. I don't know. I just really don't want him to be naked. Yeah. Nobody, none of us are co-signing the nude baby part. Well, I think for sure. I think the naked's a no. It's a weird cabinet. And I also, I don't like this idea. Every once in a while, some parents will do it with a like change the kid's diaper in front of others. I'm like, I understand that it's a baby, but put privacy for the kid.

Yeah. I don't need to see a baby butt while we're all having a couple beers watching. Just put a diaper on it. Yeah. So I think what you're just saying is, these are my boundaries. What your mom doesn't know is that your boundaries are weird

And that you will I I think here's why this is I and I mean we did solve this arguably very quickly But I do think what's also great about it is you're saying don't ask me to do things like this again Yes, because when you do gonna be happy when you're getting target Jesus You know what this reminds me of when I did that Geico commercial and we started the residual ninja If you don't give somebody what they want and they keep asking you they stop asking and When you play it off the way you did as like, oh, okay. I might be brain dead Okay

when so this is the example as it goes to you Emma. When you bring your baby dressed like a Starbucks guy and she goes, no I meant Jesus. You go, no I know I worked with a guy named Jesus in Starbucks. This is what Jesus was. And she goes, no I want like Jesus is in Jesus Christ. You then get confused and you go, oh okay yeah. I mean I'll just keep it like this.

And you refuse to budge, because if we get this photo and your six-month-old son is in the middle, dressed like he works at a Target, a Foot Locker, at Starbucks, this is a huge win for you, for us, and a huge loss for your mother. And for your baby, it's a win for your baby's future, too. This goes above your Christmas tree. This is your little angel at the top. Yes. This is a family photo of all families. We see

Jesus the Starbucks worker in the manger next to the three wise man This is a home run. It's awesome, but it goes to you Emma What are you gonna do? I think I can just be weird right back at her I could try it. Yes, and just just gather his his target clothes and I could try it. Yes, and just just gather his his target clothes and Starbucks clothes and just try to throw them in the picture Well, she's good Patriotically doing it. Well, just to be clear. We're talking about the employee outfit You're gonna put the whole thing the baby in the employee. We want like the barista. Yes the red shirt Yeah, the whole yes if it's target the red shirt

Red shirt barista. Yeah, a red shirt with the apron and the the whole thing. Yes, if it's Target, the red shirt, the name tag. Oh, a Target red shirt barista. Yes. So it's a red shirt with the apron. And the khaki pants. Yes, we're talking. I get it. Oh, yeah, I have a khaki pants. Yep. Now we're talking. So if we're doing Starbucks. And a name tag that says Jesus. If we're doing Starbucks, which I kind of like because it gives you that extra umph when you say you work there, let's really Google and get the apron and the Jesus name tag and the barista chapeau and dare I say a little cup that says tips on it to put next to him. So Emma the floor is yours. What are you gonna actually do and then afterwards before you even say what you're gonna do? Will you follow up with photos please I I will get my niece's and nephew involved since they're already involved use her costumes and Take my own photo and say this option is good. Yes, okay that works that works

I will say I could give it a try and I know it's not my work nothing and nothing in life That's great is easy I will say my dream version of this is where you accept the role on behalf of your baby And then at the event we're showing up with the baby in the Starbucks outfit And your mom is so disappointed I think it really sends a message to your mother for the future asks on behalf of the child And if that's true, and if she's ready, I'll finally if that's true, and if she's running out of time, maybe I'll finally win this zany Christmas photo game. If she's running out of time, she's stressed, she's mad,

we get the picture. She might just snap one pic of it. I think to me, it has more resonance in the long term negotiating of what you will have your baby do. He's right. So I would say don't even send the test photo, just say, all right, it's a little weird, but I guess I'll dress the baby like Jesus if that's what you want.

And then you show up in the babies in the Starbucks outfit with the Jesus name tag. And you go, yeah, Jesus, I worked with him at Starbucks and put him in the manger. And then when you went Emma, when he's ready, I'm going to give this a try. Yeah. Okay. Will you please follow up with us? I will absolutely all right. Love it. Thank you. Thank you so much Hi Hi there. Well, this is the first time we're doing this there was not a technical issue No, everything's been fine. Can we get your name?

Chelsea, your age, 29 and where you call him from Phoenix, please. Yeah. So my name is Chelsea. I'm 29 and I'm calling from Phoenix, Arizona. Here we go. Now we're new. We don't know anything. All right.

Chelsea, what's happening? What's the problem? So the problem right now is for the last seven Christmases, my grandpa has been sending me boxes of frozen meat. And growing up, they were like the cool grandparents that would always like send us cash for our birthday and like triple digits, like it was a hundred, but it felt like financial freedom to me as a child. And then as soon as I got married, they started sending me gift boxes from a

company called Omaha Steaks. Sure. Yeah. I think we were sponsored by Omaha Steaks for a minute. I agree. They bought a few, I think they bought a few spots. I remember I had some Omaha steaks in my garage freezer. Can't keep it going.

Yeah, they're probably from my grandparents. So they feel like it's a really fancy gift. And I understand, like, I'm so lucky that my grandparents are alive and they're thinking of me. That's true. But it takes up the entire freezer. So we have to, like, throw away where we already have. And we end up just giving a lot of it away. It's also not that great.

It's huge. So we're just trying to figure out. It is a huge box. I'm a big fur person. Yeah. They're looking at the photo that you sent, Chelsea. That's really funny. We're seeing a lot of the box. And that's only some of it. That's only some of it. We've been trying to work through last Christmas's box and it just, there's a lot going on. So we just, and they're spending money on us thinking of us. So we just want to know how can we get them? Great question.

Send us something else. Yeah. Or can I pitch on the pitch? Yeah. Can I, I'm sorry. Can I pitch on the question? Of course. Because they think that they are sending you a wonderful gift.

They love them. I'm a hostage. You know, probably grandpa's like, this is great quality. You know, he's fired up. So to tell, for lack of a better word, a geezer that your gift is not appreciated. You could, you could really hit somebody right in the gut and that is not your intention because you love these people. These were the people who left you a C note when you were growing up. These are good people. They have

upgraded. They are trying to feed your family. So here's just another pitch and if you don't like it we'll go back and we'll figure out how to get grandma and grandpa to send you something else. What if you started a funny tradition with some family and friends and that is you guys do the post-Christmas Omaha steak grill off and you cook every single meat inside that is given on like January 2nd and you guys eat it and you invite friends over and you have every bit of Omaha steak and then it's over. You also bring other stuff, but that is presented to everybody. Happy new year. Yes.

Yeah. What do you think about something in that zone? I think that's a fantastic idea. Well, I really have a good life. And that is something that we take care of. We really don't want to hurt their feelings. Fantastic idea. Well, I really have a good life and that is something that we take you Want to hurt their no, I mean, it's not great But if it's a tradition and we can laugh about it and it happens every year Yes

And then what you guys can get that we could like You know what you guys could also do is you could make like for your friends who come over if you're a little bit like It's not great quality. I'm a little embarrassed because I'm a foodie. You make signs that say like the great Omaha Steak Off. You know, you then put, you create other sides that are better where you're like, try this other thing that's great. But while you're here, you need to have two bites of the Omaha Steak Hamburger.

And you cook. Yeah. Go ahead, Gar. Well, you know what you could do? I mean, cause it looks like a big box box is what you could do is you could almost top chef it where you could give like if you say are having make it like a potluck. So you give each person a cut and you say tomorrow night or the day after whatever. Come over with your Omaha potluck. And what your what?

That's a great idea. So then you kind of bring it over so that it's not only on you to cook it, but then everyone has like, you know, has to come with something that uses it. Garf and the game you can do is each person has to present because that and part of the game. Yeah, a prize. Yes. You know what the prize is?

The last box of Omaha.aks. Yes. Yes. Yes. Because then what people have to do... And we can make a video for the winner. We can make a video congratulating the winner on winning, you know, whatever we call it. That's exactly right. The first annual Omaha Steak Off. Yes. And then what people have to do is when they start their presentation, they have to go, we all love Omaha steaks. But have you ever tried an Omaha steak blank? Yes. And that could be like chopped up in a salad or that could be in a blank.

Yeah. Or like fajitas or whatever. Yes. Chelsea. I feel like this is solving a lot of the problems. This is smart. That's what we do. This is what the goddamn show is, kids. You guys must do this all the time.

Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, this is what we do. Yeah. I'm impressed. This is the show. This is the show, Chelsea. Chelsea, this is the show. And if you saw what we were making economically,

you would know it's not high level. You'd be like, what's going on? That's a weird hobby that those three geeks do. Why are they in their closets doing this? But Chelsea, what do you think? Because that feels really fun to us. That feels like we could make a video when the time comes. Our follow-up could be congratulating the people.

You could take photos. Each person, we could do follow-ups with the people in the different dishes. We could do a live congratulations or something. We could take 10 minutes and do a live follow-up congratulatory call. I think I love it. I think that feels perfect. And I'll share this idea because they do this for all of their grandkids that are married. So there's about like 10 or 15 of us who are trying to figure out this situation. That's going to be a big event by the way.

It's like a city competition. Yeah. But are you guys all live in the wrong, the same area, all the grandkids? No, we're all over. Okay. Great. So everybody could do it or something. Franchise. Yeah. Yes. But also Chelsea, if everybody, if all of these grandkids do it with their group of friends, this could be your guys' family. The grandkids are starting traditions with each of their own little worlds. Yeah.

Their little pockets. I feel good about it. Good. I feel good about it too. You feel like you're happy with this? Yeah, because in my head, this is going to have to be like this confrontational thing, which makes me, which I was not into. No.

This is good. No, we want to, we want to keep, you know, which makes me, which I was not into. No, this is good. No, we want to we want to keep, you know, me, mom, papa happy. Always. So, you know, so here's what we need from you, Chelsea. Here's what we need from you then. You got to follow up with us. Keep us in the loop, because I think we'll probably do a couple of follow ups. And then we're going to peak on January 1st of 2025 or whenever you guys do it. Ended December, early Jan.

Yep. Okay. Last but not least, Shark, what are you thinking? It's cool when we have calls like this where the caller isn't like, I don't, I regret this. Yeah, Chelsea, there are times, first of all, Kevin's painting a dark picture, Chelsea. Not regret, not regret, but sorry.

I went to the shop. Sorry. I went to the. Yeah, I saw the babies. Yes. The all title for the show is these grown babies. Yes. Yes. That was a mistake. So very good.

Well, yeah. Are you going to now start commenting on them when he makes these? That was a miss steak. Wow. Very good. What? Are you going to now start commenting on them when he makes these or can we just blow past and count them? Very good, Gareth. B plus, B plus. So that people can comment and go like this. Nobody laughed at that.

At one point I thought I was going to get a sting, but that seems to be like something we just said we were going to do. I agree. We missed it. Chelsea, I think we could win here. Will you follow up with us? Yeah. Can do. I love it. All right. think we could win here. Will you follow up with us? Yeah, can do. I love it.

All right, do it because the stakes are high. Take care, Chelsea. Thanks a lot. Let's keep going. Thanks. Have a great day. Bye. Bye.

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StitchFix.com slash help. You're gonna look good. I know I do. Hello. Hi, welcome to the show. Can we get your name, please? My name is Amina. Amina? Yes.

Okay. Amina, where are you calling from? I am calling from Nashville. Nashville. Beautiful Nashville. Amina from Nashville. And what do you like to do in Nashville? You like to do a lot of things. You like to do a lot of things. You like to do a lot of things. You like to do a lot of things. You like to do a lot of things. I am calling from Nashville. Nashville. Beautiful Nashville. Amina from Nashville.

And what do you like to do in Nashville? You like to go see concerts? You like to go out to eat with friends? What's a fun Friday night for Amina in Nashville? Honestly, I don't really do any of that stuff because I'm actually from Nashville. Ah, yeah. Gotcha. I think that's necessarily the people that come from out of town. Yeah. Yeah. You got to excuse my friend Jake here.

When he goes to Nashville, he falls into a lot of tourist traps. Local Nashville people, we know what you do. We don't go out to eat. You're at home eating spaghetti. Making some spaghetti for yourself. Maybe make it a little too much. Maybe thinking, hey, this one meal could turn into two days of spaghetti and then you eat spaghetti for two days back back That goes making yourself a little bit sick or that my day calling Connor and that you have a roommate who cooks you

We too much spaghetti. Yeah, I mean get a man if you don't make but yeah, alright So anyway, you're local Nashville. You don't like to Go the honky tonk. So making spaghetti your local Nashville, you don't like to go the honky-tonk So you're making spaghetti. Walk us through what is the problem today? So my husband is a very lazy person Right and he's had this car and two jet skis in our driveway for like four years now The car is just covered in shit. I mean, just so you know, look, we're on your side,

but Jake, without being able to silence his weird guy reaction, heard your problem set up and just let it slip out, that's cool. A car and two jet skis? A car and two jet skis. What a low bar. You don't even know what kind of jet skis. They're just sitting there collecting leaves.

I'll tell you what, if I had a bigger driveway, I would have six old cars just sitting there with jet skis. But these are awful. Yeah. All right. So we'll get them there, Amina. OK, so so you got a car, two jet skis. The two jet skis are from like the 90s. They're all the rickety. Got picks. One of them isis are from like the 90s. They're old. They're rickety. You got

picks? One of them is purple. One of them is yellow. I'm gonna spray beta. And they have matching, they have matching duct tape on them. So there's yellow duct tape. Yeah, so they're beat up. Do us a favor. Will you do us a favor before we air, will you send Kevin photos of this stuff so we can see it at some point? I will do that as soon as I get home. So we got a car, we got two jet skis. What's going on? He said he was going to fix the car a long time ago. Hasn't done that.

He got the new vehicle and he's been saying that he's going gonna fix it for a while now. We have the part sitting in the garage But it's just been sitting there collecting dust and I've been trying to get into this Take it to pull apart and just get rid of it, you know free up some space in the driveway Something with the jet skis. Okay. So what is this specific question? Divorce how can I convince them to get okay? So I bet so the the idea of this one is your husband has old Stuff that he's saying he might fix up. He's a yard hoarder. Yes He's not gonna I mean I'm with him on this one and you're saying how do we get rid of this and?

You just don't like aesthetically how it looks, but it makes him happy to have this stuff. I don't know how it makes him happy to have it when he can't use it. Well, let me put it like this. I've been going through a phase that my wife's not loving. And for years I tried to get her on board and she wasn't, and then I just started going for it.

Is it the jujitsu? No. That one hurt. That one don't mean hurt. That one hurt. Yeah, that one. That one knocked me right in my place. By the way, that's not right in your place. That sounds like what you do in your little fake locker room with your buddy dummy. No, this is another phase that Garrett doesn't know about, but I'll soon be getting teased on.

I've been interested recently in backyard animal art. Jesus Christ. Got a horse back there. What are you talking about? Just recently bought a little lion. What do you mean? You know what I mean. I don't.

We're little sculptures of animals. You've got skulls. So you're kind of lion and witching the wardrobe, your yard a little bit. Slowly I got like this. You've got animal statues in your backyard. That you get from like a junk shop or like an iron shop. I found a guy.

How is this even happening? How did this even start? So there's. Cool stuff. There's someone that lives near me that has like a yard full of giant dinosaurs. That's cool. And Amina, let me ask you this. That's cool.

What? Do people talk. Put your jet skis there. Do people talk about this guy? What do people say? they like are they like? Hey, what a cool guy Are they like oh the weird guy with the backyard full of animals who cares pretty sure it's the weird guy with the backyard Well listen, I don't know where you're I mean I let me let you know when you're somebody my age and Gareth will get there in 15 years who cares what they're saying that's that is the other and that's

husband so but I just want to bring that up to you because The I've I've started putting stuff back there. I snuck a lion in and how much Snuck a lion in is it crazy just so you know, I know okay. It's heavy. How many we got how big is that? um Half my size so the lion's probably standing at what three feet tall and how many we got back there right now I just have the lion and I have the horse, but I am talking to a guy about doing a full-size gorilla And I almost bought a Massive elephant head and my one daughter literally said because I brought her to the junk shop

She almost got emotional and said, daddy, please don't. And I said, no, you don't get it. I'll paint the wall forest green and we'll put the plants around it. And she said, daddy, please. And I went, I'm embarrassing her and I can't do it. Jake, hearing a full size gorilla was tough.

I don't know where the hole inside of you comes from, but we can't fill it with a huge gorilla statue. I know, but how fun would it be to be walking in your backyard and get scared? Who are you talking to? We just went to the Natural History Museum, and I'm walking around, and when I would see all these early man cave people, I said to my wife, I'm like, I would drop a huge check if we could get those in our backyard. The evolutionary sequence of man. You're walking by a tree and you go like

oh my god I want it in your backyard is like a creative space do you want it to be scoof around walk around see an elephant scared get a full-size gorilla statue of a full-size it is a shocking revelation about me. No it it isn't but boy is it All right, I mean, so we know Of course we know we're dealing with with Jake now That is a good comp for sure because he's also filling his house with trash that he thinks is important But your husband's the issue here with your husband is more that he, it's less that he's hoarding and that he wants to be scared in his yard. And it's more that he's

just like, he has projects. You said that's a quote. One of the things would be fun is to get scared. It's real weird. You're in your forties. That's not the whole thing. You're a grown ass man. You have kids. Your daughter gets scared by you. Old guys can't get scared in the yard because they have kids. That's the whole point of having a yard.

That is crazy. Everything you say to justify it makes it crazier. That's the whole point of having a yard. You get scared of your own artwork. What are you talking about? Back to you, Amina. So, but Amina, it's not that he's hoarding, it's that he has these projects he's never doing, right?

Yeah. Yeah, and I don't think he's going to. It's that he has these projects he's never doing. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't think he's going to do that. I don't either. That's the problem. I don't think he's going to do it. He likes to start things and then not finish. I don't think he's going to do it unless he gets a clock put on him.

Yeah. So I think we've got to put a clock on him some way. And I don't think the clock could come from you. I think we've got to put an artificial clock on him. And you know, sometimes we've got to put an artificial clock on him and you know sometimes we got to go with a little bit of a fib. I think we got to fib a little bit. I think we got to say that we've gotten some complaints that some of the neighbors have complained. The city is getting involved a little bit and it's time to kind of shitter get off the pot. You can use this as

something you got in the mail and you could say, honey, look, okay, I don't know what your plan is, but people are complaining, this is embarrassing. If you're gonna fix the jet skis, let's get them going. If you're gonna fix the car, let's get it going. These are eyesore. Even if he fixes it, he doesn't have a place for it. But his plan is to sell the car, am I wrong?

Is it to sell it or he just wants these as toys? I don't know what he wants to do with it to be quite honest with You because there's a slew of other problems. What's wrong with it? He said he wants to get rid of it It's just the act of getting rid of it. So I I think I think we just this will put a clock. I got another pitch No Cuz I think yeah gorilla. I think Garrett one thing one thing real quick is he does listen to the show Okay Think Gary one thing one thing real quick. He does listen to the show Okay So then what's it? What's his name right now?

His name is Daniel Daniel. So first of all before I do my pitch Daniel. I'm gonna say this keep the fucking jet skis That's cool as hell. But because you're not so Daniel. I'm talking to you directly to my man. Don't listen I will buy Don't listen to the bullshit we're about to say. I will buy those jet skis, but you need to have gorilla art, my man. We'll do a trade. How much to put a stone gorilla on a jet ski and drive it through the Atlantic Ocean? So here's my pitch, but the problem is, is if he's listening to this, we are cutting off our own genitals a little bit.

But my kind of pitch would be this. I would find somebody, I would get on Craigslist I would take photos of it and I would offer all three as a package and I would find somebody to make you an offer so that you say to him because one of the reasons you keep a bunch old Junk is you're like I have a plan for but I don't even know how to deal with it I don't know what the next move is. And you say $650 cash on Friday. And if not, tell me your plan. Because rather than saying you have a problem, fix it. You're saying here is a solution. And you'll go, dude, my jet skis alone. Each one is worth

1500 bucks. And you go, yes, when you take the duct tape off and you fix them. But right now, 650 bucks and we get our driveway back, or you pitch to me, Daniel. I got two pitches and we step in on both. My first pitch is that everything that we just said, I agree, we have Amina go with him and we do a fake ad that we'll put on Instagram saying we will sell all this shit. We just want as good an offer as possible The other one is that we just call him right now And we just say to him. I promise you it'll go sideways

Yeah I mean well what we could do is yeah. Well, I say sideways. I mean because I in in good faith. I can't say to this guy get rid of cool jet skis for nothing All right now, but hold on but if you're saying here's my reason why I'm about to have a can we need the driveway. It's not safe for fires fine You're saying get rid of something you like because I don't like Talking to you watch that here I'm getting a gorilla! I'm getting a full-size king of motherfucking dogs! Who are you talking to? Your wife's not here!

I'm getting a full-size elephant! No you're not! And I'm getting a bunch of cave people! No you're not getting the cave people you weirdo! You're knocking down our house! We're building tents! A yard is to get stairs! I'm turning the pool into a swamp with turtles! If they actually were, it would be fine.

One of them stinks, the other one just won't turn on. So you're viewing what he has as trash. You're like a sick Noah. My pool is for turtles. Which one's Noah? The Ark! Oh Noah's Ark. I was like, Daniel and Mina, the woman before was praying beta. I was like no, how about this?

How about this we call? Amina okay, or we do a fake voicemail right now that Amina can play for him. Okay, that's interesting And we are the city this episode in six weeks Yeah Or whatever we delay it so that he doesn't hear this and then it'll just be a reveal for him and then we can do a follow up where he realizes we lied to him. So I mean, if we do this with us just because I don't like when our show is fun for the sake of fun because what I like about the premise is that the people actually do it personally. So do you think if we make a voicemail as us, he will recognize our voices. I can do it as a city inspector or something. OK, so then do you think you I think I think you guys can not. OK, now, but real question to you that are you actually going to play this for him?

Stick with the law. Yeah. And say, hang in there. But this is a real lie. You're saying the city has complained. We have to justify how they got your cell phone number. And this kind of stuff, like for me, this is the meat and potatoes of the show is. So if my wife said, hey, you know that weird line you have? The city wants to get rid of it. And I went like, I just bought it.

It's fucking super cool. It scares me every time I go back there. And then she goes, that's not reality. Not every time every time it does scare me it's a lion it's crazy agreed it's crazy how scary the fucking thing is is you get surprised by a line in your backyard you tell me you're not shitting your pants three times why do I want to go to my yard and shit my pants from fear I don't but I have three times it's crazy but I just got the fucking lion yesterday that's nuts it's how long has this been going on I just got the fucking lion yesterday. That's nuts. It's how long has this been going on? I just got the line yesterday.

How long have you been how long have you been building the yard with a Beetlejuice set? We got I got the horse when I did ride the Eagle with Trent. OK, so that was the beginning. We've been building my wife's been no, I just had to start. You just eventually have gone rogue and you decided you're just going to start bringing in your little next thing up is turtles in the pool. This is true to our now we're talking. So, Amina, so OK. You're just gonna start bringing in your little next thing up is turtles in the pool Now we're talking it's so Amina so okay going back to Daniel

How do we act sure cuz I do feel like if you play my message what I would say if my wife and then someone's Like hey, this is the city car. I'd be like this is from a stupid gag fuck off Let's hear it what about from my my H.O.A.? Yeah. OK, from the H.O.A. of where you live. You have any idea who the H.O.A. people are? No. OK, perfect. Yeah. So it's the H.O.A. of South Hampton is our neighborhood. Say again. Garrett is like, it doesn't matter if it works.

I just want to show another voice. I do. I'm the H.O.A., it doesn't matter if it works. I just want to show another voice. I do. I'm the HOA guy. I'm available for bookings. And you can find this guy on Cameo. I'm HOA Heron. I got problems, Cameo. OK, but the show gets 10%.

$8. Fine. Add it up, man. You know how many lines I can get for eight bucks? You know how many turtles that can get for eight bucks? You don't have any turtles that is from my swamp pool? So grim. Okay, a minute. Yes.

If we did, Gareth did a voice of a HOA person that you were saying, it's just a complaint, but they want this out, would Daniel listen to you or would he? Would Daniel listen to you or would he? Would Daniel listen to you for real? Or would he say, well, tell him to contact me. I'm not getting rid of my cool jet skis. What would really happen? I think he would listen to me. I think. Okay. So no matter what are you going to play from? Cause here's what I don't want. And even the audience does one I tell you what I Don't want I don't want video of him doing it laughing and then it's like oh, we made a funny I want him to get rid of his jet skis and then come back on and we go

Here's the bad news. It was gareth and he goes like fuck you guys. I like my jet skis and we go I know I was with you, but we were on the mean aside. I think right. Yeah, how do we do that? I think well listen. I think what we Yeah. How do we do that? I think well, listen, I think what we we take is we take a shot. Yeah. Okay. We give it a shot. If if he sees through it or whatever, we can have a follow up call with him or we try to sell him. I also think what you could do is just use this to light the fire under his ass to start to put the wheels in motion. And as the wheels are in motion, you could then say there's something I have to tell you. It's we're here to help. They stepped in. Now, as a guy who's got the wheels are in motion, you could then say there's something I have to tell you It's we're here to help they stepped in now as a guy who's got the wheels in motion fucking finish writing

Let me let me pitch something insane That might not be the move. Okay turtles This for my pool. No, no chlorine. No bugs Worms cover the bottom in dirt. No. Worms. This thing has gone sideways. It's just so real.

Yeah. And it's so early in the day. This is only a second call. We can't be here this early. This is a fine spot to be in. You have no shoes on, by the way. I think that's... It's also hot in here. Can you admit it's hot?

It's hot. It's warm. It's fine though. It's comfy. So, Amina, here's another thing. What if you do something crazy where you create a villain who's starting to vandalize his stuff. One day there's a rock through the windshield. Jesus Christ. It's trash.

It's like escalation. I know, but then he goes, what is going on? And you go, you know what? I don't want to deal with this. Just get rid of it. And he goes what is going on and you go you know what I don't want to deal with this just get rid of it and he goes I'm retaliating you go I don't want this in my house well okay here's one yeah I one time when I had my travel channel show yeah I would go off for three weeks since and what I used to do was because of street cleaning where I lived in Echo Park I would go take my car

and put it at parking at my buddy Rob's place who was going on the road with me and then we'd split a car. So I'd come back from three weeks, I would have left my car on Rob's road where there was no street cleaning. Went fine for a few stints. Then one time I came back and someone had covered my car in signs saying, tow this car, you can't park your car here this long, get it out of here, hey city signs saying tow this car. Whoa. You can't park your car here this long. Get it out of here.

Hey city, like tow this car, all that shit. And I mean, the odd I had is my car was pulling up to where I was. I was like, Oh my God. Yeah. I ripped the signs off. I peeled out of there. This is interesting. I'm never parking there again.

So what we could do is create that external pressure. Yeah. Signs. And by the way, but you're right now broken one news. No signs signs Hey, throw it out. You're ruining the nail you in my house. Yeah. Hey, hey buddy This is enough to know enough. I spent a lot of money to live in this community. Please fix it. Yes Yes, we all keep our driveways nice. You're ruining it. Signed by literally everyone. Yes, yes. Something more like that.

Amina, thoughts? Okay, so I don't know about the signage. People are hateful today. Because we have a camera. Is that black? We have a camera at the front door and if he sees that it's offline. Oh, I got you. So the ring camera.

Camera offline. Okay. Okay. So then don't throw rocks in it either. That would even be crazier Yeah, you have a backyard with a pool. You can throw turtles in there. Maybe it's not a helpful picture. I agree So we can't so you don't like the signs. All right, let's try the voice. Okay Let's make a you like in that of all the things we talked about

Do you feel like that's the fruitful version or do you like the idea of an email from a fake account that the homeowners association, what do you like? Or do you like the idea that we just make an ad that sort of lights a fire under his ass to start selling these things? That's interesting too. You know what? I like the email.

Okay. I think that's more discreet. Okay. And we could send it from, probably here to help now. We can make a fake. We'll make a And we could send it from probably here to help. Now we can make a fake. We'll make a fake email and send it looks like H.O.A. something. We'll do it through Squarespace. That's interesting. Yeah.

Like a whole Squarespace. Gorilla art.com. Nope. Hey buddy. Focus. Maybe stick to our sponsors. I don't think that's a tropical turtles.com. I don't think that's a spot. Maybe stick to our sponsors. I don't think that's a tropical turtles.com. I don't think that's a spot. Fool turtles.com. Deep end worms. Deep end worms. Swim with bugs.com. Pond divorce.

So Amina, here's what we're going to do. Do you want us to just pen a little email or do you want to do it right now as a group or do you want to do it right now as a group, or do you want to send an email, send a dozen, we'll send it back to you? Might be best if you write it because you know exactly what it's saying. Yeah, maybe if you put in the specifics about the stuff we're dealing with, and then we could juge it up a little. And then you're saying in there, we're comfortable giving you 30 days to get rid of it, but this needs to be off the property.

Or fines will start, blah, blah, blah. And then what we'll do is we'll post a photo of the letter and we will wait to air this. The funny follow-up will be your husband coming on, we tell him what's happening, and then he'll be part of the same episode. Because he likes the show. So he'll have fun with it. But we'll say to him, maybe you can get him to call in and the

follow-up will be, you had his whole thing with HOA and how do we respond to HOA getting in our business? We could also, like I was saying before, get him to the point where he has gotten everything ready and wheels are in motion and then we do the reveal. He'll pull back. Okay. I think we got a fully spray better. All right. It's just a real shame that that's becoming a phrase.

I agree. It won't be after today, I hope. Okay. We're all hoping and you're kind of driving that. Aren't I? It's a weird reaction even now. So, Amina, will you start penning the email, send it to the shark and then let's plan on doing

this as soon as you can. Yeah. So that we can do a follow up after he gets rid of this stuff where the call is you say, I emailed the show about what is my husband and I do when an HOA gets in your business too much and makes my husband get

rid of his super cool jet skis. Yeah. And then the reveal on that funny retaliation. Yeah. We get him to go like, we go, what happened? He goes, they sent me this thing. I had to get rid of his super cool jet skis. Yeah. And then they reveal on that. A funny retaliation. Yeah, we get him to go like, we go, what happened? He goes, they sent me this thing. I had to get rid of my cool jet skis.

I was going to fix up. And then we go, is there something, can we tell you something? What we can do then is we can go, here's what you should do. And email back, just take a picture of you on the jet ski. Just looking bad ass. Well, the jet ski's gone by then. Yeah.

Because we've got to do it. The only way it works is it's all gone. And then he goes. We could do, yeah, we can find a way. We'll find a way. Make it a little more. And then we'll do something fun. We'll try to make him enjoy the end of it.

What do you think? That sounds good to me. I really hope this works. So are you going to actually do this? Yes, I will. As soon as I get home, I will come up. And look, if this, if we hit a roadblock with this call back. And we'll bring them on. Yeah. How about this actually?

If we hit a roadblock and he doesn't buy it or he doesn't do it. Next one we bring Daniel on. Yeah. Yep. Okay. Because we're going to get to the bottom. And we can even pretend to be the homeowners association for the start of that call. That's true. Why don't we do that? Yeah. Okay. And then what,

what the bottom of this is we get rid of those jet skis or you have a couple gorillas and turtles in your backyard. Don't listen to the rest of what Jake's saying cause it doesn't actually track for what you're talking. And also when you're in Nashville, go do the tourist stuff. It's fun. Yeah, it is fun. Yeah, it's a great city. Go to Zany's, great comedy club. See Gareth at Zany's.

I would inspire you there a couple months ago. GarethRenitz.com, tour dates. See photos of me swimming at weirdturtles.com. Yep, it's unfortunate. Tour dates. I'm swimming with turtles in Florida, I'm swimming with turtles everywhere. I'm going everywhere.

Jake has a lot of time on his hands recently. I don't know, his wife is really kind of- I look out for you. Check me out on jakejohnson.com. I'm going everywhere swimming with turtles. I'm gonna be in Key West. He's on the spring beta tour. Spring beta.

All right, Amina, thanks so much and follow up. We'll get this going. Great title. Thank you, will do. All right, bye. Bye. Bye. Bizz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz. And we're brought to you by will do. All right, bye. Bye.

And we're brought to you by Squarespace. Look, you know we love Squarespace. We use Squarespace for the show quite often. Recently, we used Squarespace to design a website for a woman who fibbed to her boss telling her that she was taking cooking lessons while she was off on some sexual escapades. And it turns out that we made a Squarespace website convincing enough that her boss had no idea when she had to recommend it for cooking classes. What I'm saying is Squarespace makes it easy for you to find a way to build your website,

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and I, sometimes our advice is about a fib. Anyway, go to www.squarespace.com slash Gill sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using the code Gill sent me And we're brought to you by hero bread Listen, it's the summer. We're out there, we're grilling, we're having parties, and when you're grilling, bread and buns are key to serving up the food you're eating, whatever it is. Meat, fake meat, whatever you're having, it's better with a bun.

So Garrett, I'm a big Hero Bread guy. Yes, we both are, but yeah, you are a big guy. I'm loving it. And I was eating the other night, the hero buns dipped in olive oil with sea salt. What are you doing? Blow in my own mind. And I know you, you're going to like it. You're going to like it. You're going to like it. And that's the thing that's great. I mean, here, like bread is always viewed as this thing you shouldn't be eating. It's not okay.

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We love Hungry Root. It's the easiest way to eat healthy. Look, you know the deal. They send you fresh, high quality groceries, simple, delicious recipes, and essential supplements. It's like having someone there doing all the planning and the shopping so you don't even have to think about it. We love it. Kevin the shark loves it. It's his chum. You call it your chum, right Kevin? I call it my chum. Yesterday I had fajita chicken tacos with Mexican rice for lunch. It was amazing. Took like eight minutes to make, super easy.

They have all the ingredients right there and it was delicious. And then what's cool is on the app, I just put a thumbs up because I liked it. Then like three weeks later, they send it again. They do a great job with customizing it. So I'm a big fan of Hungry Root, it's very good. So each order is very customizable.

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your free veggies. That's HungryRoot.com slash Here to Help. Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you. Go get them. Hey everyone, it's the shark. The original call from this next follow up aired on May 6th. It's called Bathroom Trash is Private with Hannah Simone and it's the shark. The original call from this next follow up aired on May 6th. It's called bathroom trash is private with Hannah Simone and it's the second call in the episode.

So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy. Hello. Hello. Is this a shark? This is. How your shark struck. I'm so sure.

Look at you. Hey, if you want a minute with the shark, pet it. Go ahead. Okay. This is how your shark struck. I'm so sure. Wow. Look at you. Hey, if you want a minute with the shark, pet it. Go ahead. Just be careful. It bites. It bites. It mistakes a lot of things for God. Can we get your welcome to the show?

Can we get your name, age, where you're calling from, please? And thank you for the funny start of all time. Yeah, this is the. By the way, anyone ever calling the Yeah, it's the sharp way. Anyone ever calling the show is always going to start with the shark and everybody emailing the show to Hey Shark. We all had a very good laugh at that. Yes. Well, this is Blake from New Jersey.

I am calling back as a follow up. Oh, what was the other? Uh, whatever. I'm calling back as a follow-up. Oh What was the other Whatever I'm 33 Like remind us what the first call was the Garfin I don't remember I Apologize because my I Agreed to calling now. I thought that my son's nap time was gonna line up a little bit better It's all good. So I might have to keep it a little bit more

was gonna line up a little bit better. So I might have to keep it a little bit more. Now we'll go as long as we want to, please, Blake. So you're such a wait. She said PG. Oh, PG. No, cause he's awake. No, we'll cuss when we like. Yeah, no, it's about her cussing.

And we will force you to cuss if we demand it. There we go. Okay. Blake, will you say shit real quick for us? Yes, shit. Okay. Blake, will you say shit real quick for us? Yes, shit. Okay, keep going. Okay, so my initial call was I had the clone Willie conundrum a couple months ago. What was it?

Yes. The fake dildo that your mother-in-law saw, right? Oh, yes. Is that correct? Yes, because I went back and forth with these people for a minute. Yeah, okay. What do you mean you went back and forth with these people for a minute? Well, because remember they started hitting us up being like, if you want one, we'll do it.

Oh, yeah, they were gonna do it. And we tried to get them as a sponsor and they're like, we're just clone Willie. We're just like a small little factory making- We'll clone your Willie. And we're like, yeah, I don't't want nobody needs to get a clone version of us Cloned pick a better clone clone somebody else's willing give it to my wife All right, so keep so remind us exactly the call because it was a while ago Was it your white your mother-in-law found him in the bathroom or something? Yes. Yes, correct

And Hannah Simone was on that episode bathroom or something? Yes. Yes. Correct. All right. So keep. So and Hannah Simone was on that episode. Right. Initially, I hadn't told my husband that I was calling in. And then a couple of weeks afterwards, we were talking about something. I was like, oh, so by the way, I called into this very popular podcast. Thank you for saying very popular.

Number one podcast in America. Don't look it up. You can't. So he we listened to it. We were hysterical laughing. And then when it was done, he was like, I like how you only talked about my mom finding stuff. And you didn't mention the times that your mom has found stuff. What did your mom find Blake? Well, what she found, I'll just, that I'll keep close to the vest. Hey Blake, Blake, you can't say at a restaurant we have specials. And then when the person says what are the specials, you go, I'm going to keep that close to the vest. Check the menu for the outfit. So what did mom find?

It was, it was, it was, um, it was something that I had gotten from my best friend at party that was just wildly inappropriate. Which is like what? Your kid is not old enough to understand. You blinked twice for beads You just blinked twice Okay, gotcha, so your mom found beads and was like this is a very ugly necklace and it smells terrible Clasp this necklace makes no sense. I've never heard of the designer bean wah This necklace makes no sense. I've never heard of the designer bean wah

So but I think in the initial episode Hannah someone had said Like if something happens with your mom like you tell her you talked about it something happens with his mom He talked so I had forgotten about that because that's what I did. I told my mom like What are you doing guy? Like you can't be going in here. So I had kind of forgotten about that. But with the call, Gareth had suggested that we say that it was like a toy that I had gotten from, or like a bar of soap that I had gotten from a bachelor at Plenty. So, which I'm going to circle back to, but we went with Jake's sort of more feral approach to it, which was to, I think you had said to leave like a whip in the bathroom. But yes.

So the problem with that is to get to our bathroom, you have to walk through our entire bedroom. So it's very invasive for these lovely mothers of ours. all the way through. So I dug through our old supply and found, I think, it's in a picture. Blake, is there a nature's leak in your house? No, I'm sorry. Wait, oh my lord.

Holy shit, whoa. Blake in New Jersey. Talk about a home run hitter. Okay, so we're seeing leather, a leather bracelet. We have a leather run hitter. Okay. So we're seeing leather leather with black handcuffs. Yeah. Yes. So when you like look into our bedroom, the first thing you see is my husband's nightstand. So I was like, I'm going to leave it there because it's dark wood. It's not sorry. It's not like super easy to see, but should they decide that they're going to invade our privacy?

Wait, really fast, say to the baby, you see those cuffs? That's how you were made. Mommy was pinned back when you were made, baby, having so much fun. That's how happy I took you. And then we got you. That's why your name's Pad. And then we got you. That's why you're a little boy. Yeah, this is a precious little boy because your dad was a precious little man. Okay, so keep going. So you're leaving those handcuffs by the door, by the bed, so when mom walks in she sees them. So right and so that way it would be like

before they could get to the rest of the room if they saw that they just can make a quick u-turn and get out. That's a red flag to a parent. Don't walk in there. Garlic to a vampire. Yeah, yeah. You don't want to go anywhere near the bed. Yeah. You don't want to go anywhere near the bed. So that was what I did and to my, I'm giving you guys an A plus because to my knowledge, neither of them have, you know, we decided to punish both of them since I realized that they both had gone into our room. So we left that out for when they each came over. And to my knowledge, neither of them have been back in there or they just at least have not knowledge neither of them have been back in there or they just at least have not told us so it was a win yes so you scared them you just basically said this

is a private room and we don't need to talk about what we do in here but you should know we're handcuffing each other to a bed you want to keep going mom and they're both going no grassy oh my God. Bring him on, bring him on. Bring him on. He facts that. Tell that little prince he can say hi. Okay, go ahead. Hi.

Hi, how are ya? Wait buddy, there's a shark on this show. Where? He's in the phone, can you say hi to the shark? Hi shark. Hi. Your mom's really cool, she talks to sharks. Hi. Your mom's really cool. She talks to sharks.

Yeah. He's over it. He's swimming. He's a shark. Well, like a shark's a shark too. But it sounds like Blake, we won here. So you did win and I'm giving you extra credit because my best friend is getting married and I found on Etsy These like hyper realistic soap bars as Gary

So I wouldn't have got that idea without calling in I think you suggested like penis soaps sure that sounds like me Yeah, is that correct? You said something about it being like a bar of soap from like a bachelorette party like as a gag gift So I was like, what are we gonna get for gags for this? So I was See and they have them. They're real thing. It's a real product. Yeah, they make everything that's great So you got dick soaps really fast and then we're gonna get out of here Blake It's not about us obviously, but out of a hundred What would you give us in terms of? Blake we appreciate the call good luck with that little Prince of yours and

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys. Love listening to you. Thanks, Black. Love listening to you. All right. Bye. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson. And Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt.

And the associate producer and editor is AJ McKee. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo. And our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethrentz.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland, you can find them on Instagram at paddyholland2004.

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