We're Here to Help - 120: Very Important Pigs with Steve Berg

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

Jake, Gareth and special guest Steve Berg talk to callers about monetizing giant inflatable animals and gamifying an interesting conversation with family. Later, the guys follow up with the first caller from episode 110 "I Need Someone to Climb With/On."Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Early Access, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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That's wild. Just go to hungryroot.com slash here to help to get 40% off your first delivery and get your free veggies. That's hungryroot.com slash here to help. Don't forget to use our link so they know we say. And we are back! Back! Right Jake?

Oh wait. Jake is not here for this one. But Kevin is. The shark is here. Wow. Have Kevin is. The shark is here. Wow. Have no fear, the shark is here. God, it's not. Is that a thing?

No, it's not. What's upsetting is when someone starts using their nickname in the third person, that's when you go, uh-oh. Yeah. Like as a friend and as someone who works with you, that's when you start going like, oh no, that's when you're going to like you're gonna walk around with a boombox around your neck and start playing the Jaws theme. Refer to myself in third person.

Yeah, when you're saying the shark is here and when you're rhyming it, also scary. I'm glad you brought that up, Gareth, because the shark has a new segment, I'm gonna be doing this on Twitch, but I can debut it here. No. Called Pending Review.

That's right, the shark is reviewing pens. Oh my God, no, Kevin. I'm doing it on twitch.tv slash Kevin. I'm actually doing it tonight if you're listening today. No, what is this? This is a Joshua Tree National Park pen. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Cause you're coming with a lot, all right?

No, this is pretty standard stuff. No, you're calling yourself the shark, you're doing pen reviews on Twitch. We need to step in. I knew about your cigars. Yes, the cigars are out. No, they're not, I'm smoking pens. Cigars are out, pens are in.

When did this start? I saw a video that really intrigued me about- How long ago? Three days ago, and it's now my new personality. No. It was about luxury pens and special occasion pens. And so I was thinking about, what are special occasions that you're like,

I need to have my special occasion pen. Like when the president signs a bill into law? Yes, but people like you and me, when do we have special occasion pens? What is it? And so I went to Joshua tree this weekend with my wife. Translation mushrooms keep going. I wish it was mostly coffee in 110 degree desert. Yeah.

Went into the visitor center and I said, ah, my first pen I will review. Went to the Joshua Tree National Park visitor center and I found a nice beautiful pen. It looks great. And at the end of the year, and maybe I'll talk about it in an intro in like December or something, a pen up calendar. Ooh, that's right. 12 months, each with a beautiful pen. Jake is going to hear this and demand that we never do a intro without it. This is all pretty standard stuff. So wait, but you still haven't told me what a special occasion, what for you- That's what I need to find out.

It doesn't sound like you're ready for Twitch. And I realize how insane that is as a statement. You're not ready to Twitch pens yet. People have suggested special occasions for me. Divorce pen. Hopefully I'll never need that one. Insurance exchange info pen. Name on underwear pen. What's the underwear one? Name on underwear. When you put your name on your underwear, she's gonna do that. And what, you use it once? No, you get multiple pairs of underwear. You have a special location pen. This is the pen

I use to write my name on all my underwears. So you reuse the pen. You have a special occasion pen. This is the pen I use So you read all my okay I was picturing the president bill thing where you sort of like put your underwear initials in there once and then you set the pen aside and then you shake a bunch of hands and You give the pen to some weird kid listeners if you have a special occasion that you think needs a pen Uh-huh. Let us know pens is my new personality cigarsigars are out. I never do a cigar again. Are you part of the Penn 15 club? I am. Born and raised.

We got him. All right. Well, listen, that was a, this is a wild new twist. The fact that your name's Shark and you're talking about Penns, it's incongruent. But we have a great show today. Fantastic calls. I've heard the episode already. I'm not going to get into specifics, but it's one of our favorites.

And I've definitely edited it. Absolutely. All that work is done and the intro is also done. So without further ado. Hey, how's it going? Good. How are you? Can we get your name, please?

Yeah. My name is Mike. I'm 27 and I'm calling from Vancouver, Canada. Oh, I love Vancouver. You're on with Gareth and I and Mr. Steven K. Burr. What up, dog? Hey, how's it going? We're all very good. We are all very curious about why you're calling today mike. So the floor is yours my friend

What do you got? All right. So my question for the three fellows, I guess for today is how can I convince? My friends to monetize three giant Like 35 foot inflatable gorillas and pig that they bought on Facebook Marketplace. Explain it to me. I'm a little confused. Yeah. So I'll give a little bit of a background. So I sent Kevin pictures as well for this. So the short background story is that some of my close friends,

they found this ad on Facebook Marketplace for these, like, you know, industrial size inflatable like animals and it like I thought For like car washes and stuff. Yeah, the reveal is big. Yeah. So how tall is that gorilla is that 40 feet? That's I believe it's 35 feet is if you're looking at the gorilla picture. Yes. Yeah, it like powers over If you're looking at the gorilla picture, yes. Yeah. It like powers over. It's like the same size, like a two storey. Yeah.

Oh my God. Oh my God. So these are like Macy day parade type things that pig is bigger than a building. It's gorgeous. Yeah. So the whole thing is they like bought it for a bit because they're just like fun people and they bought it. I bet you do.

Keep going, man. Yeah, so it was, so they like barred the price down from like 10 grand to like 3000 bucks, so it'd be $3300, still pretty pricey for like a bit. So they like, they bought it because it gives them joy. It like gives all of our friends joy. We blew up the pig for a house party that we had. The one leg covered the entire door.

We couldn't even get into the house because it was so large. It's a massive thing. But my concern is that now, because it was expensive and I guess they didn't think about the finances of it all They're asking our friends to invest their own money to like pitch in to pay for these inflatable. That's ugly. No, yeah Yeah

And it's like what they're pitching at is like they're like it's gonna be a good thing for all of us But they don't think I was like, okay Well, if you're asking me for money then like what what, how are we going to make money off of this? And they're like, no, we're not making money off of this. This is just for the bit. I was like, what are you like, how, like this doesn't make any business sense. So like what, so basically my question is I would love for all of you to pitch on things I can pitch them on ways to like monetize these like colossal things.

I get this. And and like make some money back while also having fun. They these like colossal things. I get this. And like make some money back while also having fun. They're like fun loving people. We like a bit. And I know that you guys love a follow-up. I will absolutely like whatever you guys give me here, I'm gonna pass to the group and we'll make it happen. So Mike, yeah, this is a great setup. Very clear question.

It makes sense. You're not in an easy spot, but it's how do we make money off a blow up gorilla and a blow up pig so that the group or anybody who invests in it, like a shark tank episode owns equity in that pig? Exactly. I want to clarify that there are two actual massive gorillas. One of them, I didn't send the picture, but it is a blue gorilla with yellow underwear, just to give you guys like a mental picture. Yeah. And before we get into it, they spent 3,300 on all three or 3,300 a piece? 3,300 for all three.

Not bad. They stole those. They stole those. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's a steal. Okay, so they don't, you guys don't need to make a lot of money to turn this around. And when you say it costs money, what costs money?

The pump to get the air in there? Well, it just, like the whole thing, I guess like 3,300 is like not bad for all three. And it's like, but it's for a, for a couple of guys who are, you know, still making their way up in the world. It's still pretty pricey. Like, I guess they want, they want, but what is the maintenance? So I'm wondering, you know, with every great business and we're a shark tank people, we own businesses, we never moved forward on.

But in terms of this, they, they spent the 3,300, there's no maintenance. You spray that thing down with water and when it breaks, it breaks. And in terms of the pump that fills it up They bought that with the 33 on it. So Some electricity would be my guess right? Is there any other? Reoccurring fee for them or are they looking for you guys to pitch into eat part of that? 3,300 it's just like eat part of the 333 hundred First off that is such a that's your friends are crazy

Like you can't say like hey, I going to spend some money on this funny bit. And then they're also also like, I probably shouldn't have spent that money. Can you guys get on the bed? It's Steve. But Steve, they can't. They can't. I think it's it's tacky. But I want to ask this question because I feel like we're missing an important question. You said you put it up at the house party. How do you feel about spooky season?

It's great, right? We love spooky season. So did it, did it play big at the house party you threw? Yeah, it was huge. It was a huge hit. Um, there was so to give, to give more context of like the things that some of these animals, so the pig itself, it like unzips in the back. You can actually crawl into the center of the pig. Whoa. Okay. I got a pitch Please please

You throw a a party And you call it saving the pig from the slaughterhouse And it's all doom and gloom and that is Horace the pig Has been sentenced to death And you need to raise thirty three hundred300 in order to save the pig's life. The hosts are paying for the alcohol, they're paying for the music, but we're asking everybody to make donations on a shared GoFundMe so that everybody can see what everybody else has donated.

But if we get to 3300, we have the party. If we don't get to 3300, we do not have this rager and the pig is being put to death. Jesus Christ. So that everybody goes like, how much? And then you can invite people you don't know. You go, they're asking for a donation anywhere under a hundred bucks or two or anything you can give Alcohols free enjoy the party. They'll be pizzas whatever weed whatever you guys have But all this money is going just to the maintenance the upkeep and the purchasing of these

So we could throw a lot of parties with them for years to come. Unless if not, the guys are afraid they're going to have to resell them. Uh, but we're hoping that we have one big party and we, as a group, we all get to use this, but it's not, will you pitch in? Give me 50 bucks. It's one big rager that might take a whole weekend. It might be two nights, three days, a huge save the pig party. I'd love to go to this party. Hey, you're all invited.

But what do you think, Mike, as the first idea, what are your thoughts on that? Personally, already sold, already love it. It's something that's so, that's pretty much, pretty much on brand. Um, yeah, I would love to hear like other, cause we do, they do love to throw a party. So that's kind of like, like low hanging fruit for sure. But it's like,, cause we do, they do love to throw a party. So that's kind of like a low hanging fruit for sure. But it's like, we can definitely do that. I would love to hear like. Well, turn it is, or you know, I, I, first of all, a couple things, one love that

you're like treating us like we are the actual sharks and you are consistent that you are provided with other pitches. I like that. By the way, what they also say on Shark Tank is, I wouldn't wait. Yeah, Jake, there's the word that Jake is going to remove his pitch. Because I just gave you an offer,

but now you're going to Gareth. I'm out. Save the pink hook back to me. Did you learn a valuable lesson, Mike? You can go in the hallway and talk, but the offer might not be here. You walked away, Mike. I'm going to walk away with the with with a deal with Jake here.

I know. You know, only option here. Mike, let me tell you this. I might want to partner with two other sharks. Let's hear what they have to say. Well, Mike, let me ask you a question. What are give me the dimensions. My ears perked up when I found out you could go in the pig.

Yeah, that's when I tied a little more interest. Now, how what is the dimension of the pig when you go inside it? Honestly, like pretty spacious, you could probably fit without destroying the pig. I would say like maybe 15 people. Okay, Mike, let me come into my dojo for a minute and let me walk you through my pitch at the next party. You're going to have what I call the VIP. I literally very important pigs. Now for $50, people are able, 15-10 let's say, are able to go in and have the pig

experience. They're not going to know what's on the inside of the pig every event because every event it's going to be different, but every event it's going to be awesome. What we're going to put in there for say the first one is we're going to have a table, we're gonna have snacks, maybe like a shrimp cocktail, maybe some champagne, bottle of Goldschlager, and then one of you or your friends are gonna be dressed up like a butler in there to give the VIP service inside of the pig. But every party it's gonna be a little bit different. We're gonna cater it in some different way. But you know you could do Gareth to make money on that rather than just 15 people. It's only 15 people at a time and you're only allowed in there for X amount of time. Yeah. So you could be in there. You do like shifts. It's well, but I think it's the champagne room,

essentially. Yeah. So that you can have different people throughout the night. Yes. But I also think what you could do if you have this at multiple parties, what you are doing is then you're making this exclusivity for the event. So you could make it so you just go if it's if it's like this 25 $50 per VIP, people are going to start to not only want to know what's in there, but they're going to want to get ahead of it and be the people who have the VIP ticket for the next party. You know what you should do in there is you should get a Polaroid camera and you should take photos of the people in there and it hangs on a special wall. And those are like, you know,

theaters do that UCB did it where they would have like, if you're on the house team, there's these photos near the door. And you'd be like, even though they don't pay anything for for some reason I just want to be in one of those photos yep yep and you're like I don't know why but I really want to be in some black and white photo we're pretending to be a band yep and you go so whatever it is there that little VIP that experience there's a gag to it there's something fun maybe there's the meds yeah yeah there's a look a beach theme it's a gag to it. There's something fun. Maybe there's thematic. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of beach theme. It's a what whatever, whatever. There's a there's a little red rope

outside. Yeah. Yeah. You guys are big dolls. Yeah, you have a big guy isn't dolls. Okay, hold on. Hold on. No, things are bad with Steve's poopooing what I pitch. Yeah, but no, it's great. I want to add like even exotic dancers, men and women. Walk us through where you're going with that. I'm just saying like a little entertainment while you're in there taking Goldschlager and like, you know, eating bacon wrapped, uh, you know, pieces of shrimp. Why not have a little like dance in there? Like, you know, like some like kind of like burlesque situation happening. So you're talking about men and women dancing at a house. Strippers and Chippendales while you're eating bacon.

Right. Side of a hilarious though. It would be fun. It's an it's an add to be. It would have to be one of the guys who owns it probably. Yeah. Because you don't want to start spending thousands of dollars to get answers, but we're trying to raise $3300 total.

Well, we're in the whole five grand. But did you see the dick on that guy? Carl. Hey, how cool is deck on that guy? Carl? Hey, how cool is the thunder from down under guys? Those boys could dance. Those boys could dance. So Mike, what do you think about a save the pig type party with a, the VIP I was going to go for Gareth on that was you could do a VIP room during it, but then

you could add another special thing. and that's the VIP sleepover and That is when the party ends There's 15 select people who bring sleeping bags. Oh, it's five five Yes, and they sleep in the pig and then in the morning when they wake up There's like pigs in a blanket pigs in a way Yeah, a whole breakfast buffet Oh shit, and then you do pigs in a blanket and that is the final whoever gave the most money They're like and you could do a bidding thing

You could keep going up at the final five end up with kids in the pigs in the blanket They spend the night in in the morning the host make them a bacon, you know, heavy breakfast. Mike, if I was you, I'd start looking at Lamborghini's cause you are going to be in the money pal. But what, what do you think of this idea? Man, it sounds like we went from like, uh, being in the red to being actual millionaires. It sounds, this is amazing. Um, I, so I, from what I'm hearing it's like we don't

even need to touch the gorillas. The pig is the moneymaker that's I think you just pick what you just pick one you keep it simple. The gorillas are just there. You also can do multiple you know multiple parties multiple events however you want to. The idea is that the fact that you can step inside these things that is now the velvet rope and you can tear it so that, that is now the velvet rope. You can tier it so that people want the exclusivity of being able to go inside the pink. I think that's exactly right. Yeah, it's perfect.

So Mike, walk us through what you're going to do. It's beautiful. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to bring this back to the group. Halloween is coming up. We are planning on doing something for Halloween. Could be something that we could align. Might make a Squarespace website about it. Who knows? We might lead into it. Shout out Squarespace. And then we also, we all, yeah, I think we're going to do the VIP. Very important pig is crazy and hilarious. And I think that's super awesome. My only concern is like how do we get people if we're gonna like be serving champagne or whatever and it's like at a party,

how do we limit the amount of time or like limit whatever they do so they don't like go get wild drunk in there and then like the pig gets punctured and then like we're out of business. Security. Yeah someone's gonna have to be making sure that people get drunker and drunker. They're going to get wilder. You just need, you'd need one. You need, I mean, who's the biggest animal in your group of friends? Yeah. The gorilla.

You got anybody who, you got anybody who does jujitsu? Well, now let me ask you this, Jake, let me ask you this. Where are you going and why are you making it kind of weird and why you got your fingers on your temple? Like you're a real thoughtful pensive man. You got anybody in that group who rolls around on mats and just crush his arms and rips heads off? You got anyone who's got a fake locker room

where their wife sends them when they want to go tap the tackle dummy with a fake friend? When they're getting a little bit too wordy in the house. Oh, yeah. When you get a little lippy, she sends you to the set where you pretend to be Gary, the the gig, tell that to the title. But Mike, what do you think? You just need to have, you guys are watching out for it, but what do you

think of this part? Are you going to do it? I think it works. This is a win. This is honestly something that is so on brand for this group of people. You guys can do it. I think. Yes.

Yeah. It's a, it's a winning. That's that's a winning pitch. And I'm. Yes. Yeah, it's a winning, that's a winning pitch and I'm gonna go with all three sharks on this one. This one's a winner. Got my last one. Don't sleep on the burlesque dancers, I'm telling you. Sleep on the burlesque dancers.

That's how you level it up, level it up. Maybe the next party. Go full coma on the burlesque dancers. Right now we're all hugging up and congratulating you. We're about to go to commercial. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But the crane shot is in effect. All right. Thanks, Mike.

Really fast, Mike, before we go, pretend you're doing your part in interview and shark tank. You're in that weird hallway. You just got a deal. Mike, the floor is yours. And this with the shark tank ended. We got it, boys. We got the money. We're not going to be in the red. Let's fucking go. Yeah. Pretty good. Pretty good. We can be about the money, we're not gonna be in the red, let's fucking go!

Yeah! Pretty good, pretty good. We can beep out the fuck and we can beep out the fuck. Absolutely. Mike, thanks buddy. Thanks Mike. Thanks guys. Bye.

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He's throwing something out. I just got the flannel. Kind of hard to see in the light. I'm so excited. Did you get yours yet? I have not gotten it yet. I just got the flannel. Kind of hard to see in the light. I'm so excited. Did you get yours yet? I have not gotten it yet. I got mine this week. I love the color.

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That's D-U-E-R.com. Don't wait. Go now to get 20% off at shopdoer.com. Hello. Hi. Welcome to the show. Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Yeah. Can we get your name please? This is Rachel. Hey, Rachel. How you doing? Where are you from, Rachel? Michigan. Michigan.

That's my sister's name, Rachel. What part of Michigan? North, south, east or west. You near the lake? No. Just eastern. Hey, you near Sagatah, right? Yeah.

You near the lake? No, just eastern. Hey, you near Sagatah? No, but my dad lives about 15 minutes north of there. It's a beautiful city. And what age group are we in? We in the 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, teens? Where are we at? 70s, 30s.

30s, okay. So Rachel, from Michigan, in your 30ies, what can we do for you today? Yeah, I would like advice on how to get my family to talk about what they would want if they were dead or dying. Oy, yay, yay, hello. So explain more what you mean by that. So I've worked in healthcare a while and I've seen people fighting over like what they think a loved one would want in terms of like being kept alive on a ventilator, would they want

to donate organs or tissue, what kind of like services to have. And I just think that sharing these things would like help ensure that we can honor their wishes. Well, first of all, I think you're dead right. Truly. I think people, but people don't do this enough and it gets real messy. And your dad did this, did he not? Oh yeah. I told you.

Yeah. He was very, and he gave you a real log shot. Very, very specific instructions with everything with his will. There'd be times where the executor would be talking and I literally said out loud, this fucking guy thought of everything. And they go, yeah, you're your father. I was like, but it was really touching. Yeah.

He's like, and then Jake, at this point, scratch your left ear. It's itching. And I go, said that in the wheel So I got a pitch Rachel coming out early and hot on this one goes I don't know Gareth Do we want more specifics yet? Or should we just cuz she's just saying how do I get my family to hit pitch? And we'll see if it's working What about creating the idea of a game night? But with the game being you go around where you're like, who here is going to be a organ donor? If you're an organ donor, you got to raise your hand. You got 10 and

nine. And so you can create almost like a bingo card of what you're willing to do and not do. Like who wants to be buried? Who wants to be cremated? And then you'll be like, you divide teams. We could, like, you could create a game of it where you're like, interesting Nana, not cremated. And she'll go like, I don't want to wake up in a firebox. And you're like, wonderful, Nana does not get cremated. And then you'll have one weird cousin who's like, I want my head frozen. And you're like, okay.

Okay, cremated again. Another cremation. We're not gonna tell you. Mark cremated. Mark cremation. We're not gonna tell you mark cremated mark cremated as well Put you down for a cremation there mark. I Think that's perfect. I have a slight tweak on the game But I think that's exactly right I think if you can does your are your family all relatively close and close together in proximity Rachel

relatively close and close together in proximity, Rachel? No, so that was, we live kind of all over the place, but most of us will be together at Thanksgiving. So I was wanting a fun pitch so that I don't open the holiday. I think this is, look, I think this is exactly where you wanna be, and what you maybe wanna do, I think a game is right. What I would do is I would maybe,

the way you could turn it into a game is make it a guessing game. Where everybody at Thanksgiving comes with their way in an envelope, sealed, and then after dinner, you go around and each of you gets to guess what the other one would want. You could come up with some prizes or you could buy like 15 little gifts. You know what you could do on that, Gareth, is everybody has to fill out the questionnaire that Rachel,

you make of all the stuff and then you go around and everybody on a secret thing has to go like Uncle Morrie and you're're like Uncle Mori wants a funeral he wants this he is not a donor and then you put you put all the numbers together like a football pool and in the end you then go in third place who knows their families wishes the best is like mom and you get an actual winner. I think that's perfect I think do it like that and everybody kind of secretly submits an answer for each person. You read through it. You come up with like a point system and then whoever has the most at the end of the night

wins and maybe you give prizes for the top three and you give a prize for the person who knows their family the least. Yes, that person and that person gets alcohol because that person wants alcohol. They don't even knows their family the least. Yes, that person. And that person gets alcohol because that person wants alcohol. They don't even know their family. They're like, that's the person who goes like, at 14, I started smoking weed. There you're like a bottle of bourbon that's really cheap.

And they're like, fuck yeah, dude. Wild turkey. That's fucking awesome. Thank you. That means a lot to me. It's awesome. That's so cool. Thank you. That rules. I think that's great. Rachel, what do you think? Yeah, I like that a lot. I think the guessing of it makes it fun.

I just want to make sure it's also like there. We find out their real desires. Well, I think but then you make the official sheet. Okay, so you fill out everybody else's and then... No, no, so you do this. You do a piece of paper that you do. You create the spreadsheet, Rachel, where what are some of the things you said you work in this so you understand it? What are the questions you actually have?

Let's see if this is going to work in a real way. So what are real questions people should answer in your opinion about what happens to them when they die while they're living. And for our audience listening, keep this in mind. Yeah. What extreme measures or like life support measures do you want and not want? Okay. So in your thing, you need A, B, C, and D. A, do nothing, do not resuscitate. B, I'm trying the hardest, you know. Give it a shot.

Give it a shot, no, B would be give it a shot or whatever you do so that it's very clear because keep in mind, and you tell people this, this is for a game, but your information you put down, we are going to save in the family folder and also have. So one, it's for fun. Two, don't answer something that you don't mean. Yeah. Hey, Rachel, you come with a real problem, you get real solutions. I think you can't laugh and go like, I can't do that because you're the one who's saying what I want to do here is get people to talk about what they're going to do

when they die on Thanksgiving. You can't do that without some uncomfortable moments. How do you feel about that? How do you feel about the look? I mean, to your initial point, it is an uncomfortable conversation. But I mean, this feels like it will not only be fun, it'll be when you're all together and it's everyone's there. So there's not going to be any bullshit when you get, you know, nobody'll be when you're all together and it's everyone's there. So there's not going to be any bullshit when you get, you know, nobody's, you're not going to have a dissenter who's like, no, mom wants to be stuffed.

But people need to fill out the paperwork before. Totally. You have to, the uncomfortable conversation you're talking about almost you have to have in a one-on-one way. They can call it October and say, yeah, in October this. Yeah, in October you have to say, look, as someone who works in healthcare, I have this major concern, so I've come up with a game we're gonna play, it might seem morbid to you,

but fill this out because. I have an idea. At the top of it, you have two boxes, one official and two unofficial. So if somebody wants to do it and they go, I don't know if I want this official, check unofficial. But if you check official and you do not amend this at some point, you can always amend your will.

But if you don't amend it and something bad happens, we can use this as the official, unless you check unofficial. But if you check unofficial, you might have a fucking Viking funeral. Cause guess what? If you don't pick, I pick. And I pick weird shit.

I'll burn you up and shove you into a horse's ass. You wanna know what? Cause you don't pick, I pick and I pick weird shit. I'll burn you up and shove you into a horse's ass. You want to go to the moon, but you didn't pick. Right? So if you want to make it official, make it official. If not, we'll decide. I like that. I have brought like this topic up before. Um, and I just like when it's one on one and I don't know if they're joking. Like I asked my stepdad and he says you know I don't keep me alive on a ventilator because that just takes away from your inheritance is he being serious because that's insane well we're gonna find out but by the way I understand what you're saying because this is very real stuff I was just

having this talk with somebody where I wouldn't want to be, you know, if I got dementia and I was really in a bad zone and I was on the, I don't need to be kept alive. So I've said that to my wife and she'll kind of roll her eyes. And I'm like, honestly, if I sprained my ankle bad enough, just end it. Yeah. No, I get many ways. My lower back gets any worse. Just yeah. Yeah. You later. Good having you, big boy. Take a walk. And to be clear, Jake, you want to be buried with your weird little jujitsu buddy?

Your little dummy boy? I wouldn't refer to him as dummy boy if you're smart, because he will fuck you up. He will get you. But yeah, we will be buried together in a Viking churno wrestling because I'm going to be alive when I get out there on top of you. You cover him in kerosene, shoot an arrow at your floating boat. I'm on top. He might have dominated me on that, but I've dominated him in heaven. So Rachel, what do you think about doing a game night thing like that?

Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Are you going to do it? Yes. Will you send us the bingo card or however you call it or the Before you do it the sheet so we can have a pick of it because I also think people watching listening to this show I think it could help a lot of people I was just gonna say I mean, I feel like this would be a good thing for more people to just generally do This feels like a hot takes.

There's been a lot of teachers who have written in the show saying, now we do hot takes. Yeah. Hot takes is becoming a thing that's happening in schools. And Rachel, you could start something where you're helping a lot of people figure out what they want to do. But I would put something in there if you want to do something weird like a Viking funeral. I would too. I've put in this where you go, you know, what my dad did and I've mentioned on the show,

but he wanted to be buried in Wrigley. I would have, if you have a spot for other, right, please describe. Well, you know what? You know what? You could also do like, if people wanna be cremated, dream location for ashes. And then you could also do realistic compromise.

I think that's really right. Cause then people can have fun. Then people can do like, yeah, exactly what you're saying. Just be like, you know, wherever you will, like I want them on Lambo feel or whatever. You know what I mean? Yes. You can do that.

And then, but I'm like, ah, but I'll concede for my brother's backyard. If you're busy with work, literally throw it out your window while you're driving. If you're swamped, you know, whatever. I want to be a little bit on the moon and on Mars, if not, literally throw me in a sewer outside your building. I want to smoke a joint with me sprinkled on it. If not, toilet's fine.

I have a name for you, for the game. You can take it or leave it. I'm keeping it vague. It's called What's Next. Ooh. Okay. Just a thought. I like that. I mean, hell, that's a trademark.

We can actually turn this into a weird help board game. I love how many businesses our calls end with. And none of them get started. No, no, there's been none. No, we are like the non-follow through shark tank. Where like at the end we're like, awesome. And then we're like, all right, I'll see you later. I'll give you that for 60% equity in a business

we'll never follow. By the way, I can't give you my email. And a shirt. Yeah, and a website. Rachel, will you please send us the photo? And I think this is going to really work for you. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, I will send you the photo.

I've got two months to work on this document, so it should be a good one. I got a question for you. Do you feel good about this? Where are you at? Yeah, I feel good about it. Gary's first first pitch was that was a win great. So we're happy Let's check Jake Jake crawled so I could walk don't throw Jake out Jake. Don't do Jake Rachel throw me in the sewer. I'd like to be on the moon, but throw me in the sewer Let the rats chew me

But throw me in the sewer. Let the rats chew me. Just, I want my limbs cut off for rats to eat. Yeah, just maybe put my ashes in cheese and throw it near a bunch of rats. Really nice to see you, Rachel. Rachel! By the way, you could get some really great parental guilt in this if it goes sideways. You know, the dad who, the mom who feels underappreciated, the dad like, with me, just do whatever, throw me in the garbage can, I don the garbage can I don't care I'm so busy with their own life well you kids

you guys are all you guys are too busy to even reply on the text thread so I guess just let me rot in bed yeah I don't know you guys seem so busy with your works and the money seems to matter so rather than burmy maybe throw me in a fireplace I'd love to each have a quarter of me but you know worst case whatever just cut my nails off and keep them. Dig a big hole, feed me to the neighborhood dogs. You know what mine is? I want to be buried.

I want to be buried with my head exposed coming out of a hole in your yard and let the birds go at it. You know what I might want to be? Shark food. Ooh, that'd be fun. You know what I genuinely- Chop me up as like, you know, what do they call it? Not, what do they call it? What they feed the sharks? Chum. I want to be fucking chum with a bunch of fish guts. Jesus, you cannot eat- I want my kids

on the side of the boat. No, I was just gonna- My only rule is everybody needs a sig in their mouth. No, I was just gonna say- And then I want one of the kids to go, here's my dad, he ain't nothing but chum. No, I was just going to say sharks don't have kids. Yeah, the sharks don't like the smell. His sharks don't eat jake chum. There's like a weird old fisherman who goes like, I ain't never seen nothing like this. Great whites will eat anything. What was this guy?

Yeah. Well, even the bottom fish won't have them. The ocean's trying to spin him up The sharks nudge you back into the boat Thanks Rachel, thank you And we are brought to you by Navar. Oh boy, I love Navaj. We love Navaj. Navaj is basically a device that you put on your sinuses, your nostrils, and it shoots water back and forth. And you're probably like, that sounds crazy, Gareth, but it is the great, it is truly one of the greatest things I've invited into my life. And you might be like, that sounds crazy, Gareth, but it is the great, it is truly one of the greatest

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www.roketmoney.com slash help rocketmoney.com slash help. This season get premium technology that inspires joy from Dell Technologies. Bring your most intensive projects to life with our most powerful XPS laptop. The XPS 16 delivers supercharged processing for enhanced productivity and freedom to express yourself with a dedicated system for AI enabled apps. Performance class Dell PCs and Intel Core, Ultra processors deliver a dedicated engine

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you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy. Hey, how's it going? Good. We know you're a follow up, but that's all we know. So can you take it away? Sure. This is Jake from Long Island. I called about the guys in my bathroom kept talking to me while I was in the stall. Right. Absolutely. And uh What happened? Where are we at? What's going on? And what did you decide to do? So yeah, I actually, you guys recommended hanging up a sign, which I actually went through with. I printed out a sign at work and I hung it up.

I hung a few up in the bathroom. It said something like, I'm trying to remember exactly what it said. It said, due to the recent incidents, we ask that you please do not loiter in the bathrooms. something like, um, Oh, I'm trying to remember exactly what it said. Incidents. We asked that you please do not loiter in the bathrooms. Thank you management. It's great. The side is not taped up like how management would tape a sign. You have some employees and center.

It's the boy. Your spacing is weird. Thank you. Management's on the wrong side. Do not loiter. There's, management's on the wrong side. Do not loiter. Agreed. I know it doesn't look very good quality, but that's because I tried to keep it authentic. Management has hung signs before and they look like, you know, just printed out lines

like that. That's very smart. All right. You didn't want to look too good. Okay. Exactly. They wouldn't believe it. But by the way, that's a great sign.

If I'm sitting there small talking while people are taking dumps, which I don't know why in God's great earth I would ever do that, but if I did, I would stop when I saw that sign. Well, the question is, is that what happened at your work? So in a roundabout way, yes. So pretty much what happened is I hung the sign on a Thursday after work. Uh, the next day on Friday, I walk in the bathroom and the guy's still there and look at it and I go, they turned to me as I walk in and you blew the shit. Like look at that.

Look what they're hanging up. Then you can tell us how to spend time in the bathroom. So I'm like, I don't know. Like, you know, I guess that's an insane reaction, man. Can you imagine not small talking with you while waste comes out of your ass? Yeah. I can't believe big brothers telling me what I can and can't do in the john. Hey, I didn't realize that we were in communist Russia the second we stepped in here.

They actually did a thing I saw that was really funny about Americans getting mad about seatbelts in the 80s. That's the funniest clip in the world. You know the thing I'm talking about? And it's people- No, wait, are you talking about that or drinking? You can't drink. No, drinking, it was drinking. It's drinking, it's in Indiana.

Yeah, and they were going like, there was a new law that said you can't drink and drive, and people are going like, I didn't realize I lived in a communist Russia, I can't have a couple of beers after a long day of work. There'd be like, people picking up their kids from school being like, oh, I guess I can't have wine while I pick up my kids. Like people are just like, you're telling me when I'm done with work, I can't drink

three beers on the drive home. It shows you the way that our brains handle change with such resistance. Why? And it was the vibe was America's changing. And the vibe was never this was America. Yeah. And we'll never go back. Yes. So the vibe from the guys was I can't believe what they're having us do. But what happened here, Jake? So by the end of the day, that Friday, the signs were taken down. I don't know if someone ripped them off or what, but they were down.

So I thought it was the guys, you know, but then on Monday, I come to work and we get an email and the email is from Management and pretty much the email goes I'm sharing the screen We'll read we'll read it because it says actual manage Oh Shit Okay, it has recently come to our attention that a sign has been posted in the men's bathroom falsely claiming to have been written by management.

We do not condone this sort of behavior and ask if there's, if you have any issues in the workplace, you report them directly to us. However, we must also ask the employees do not loiter in the bathrooms during work hours. Not only is this an inefficient use of time and slows productivity, but it is also clearly making other employees uncomfortable. Please only congregate in appropriate areas during your break times. Thank you. Actual management. This is best scenario, Jake. It actually is best case scenario. It is. It is. Well, because you fought a two-front war.

You what you made them have to go. Hey, it's not manning it, but also guys don't loiter in the bathroom. It's just people are digging dumps. What are you doing? So Jake, what has happened since this actual management letter? So it has been a couple of weeks at this point and I'm happy to say these guys do not hang out in the bathroom anymore. You fixed it.

If I ever walk in and there's one or two in there, they'll look at me and they go, hey, how you doing? I'm like, oh, I got to get out of here before I get fired, right? And they'll walk out and they won't bother me, which is great. It's great. I don't think there could be a better win than actual management coming management coming first of all the guys being like this is fucking garbage, dude Then somebody ripping it down then management going it is garbage that behavior is insane You are not management with that in mind. We totally stand by the fake letter

It's great in the fucking bathroom you maniacs and now it's a fixed issue. I Really don't think this could have gone better. It, it just, it, it makes it a big issue. And now people know to not do it. You want to know why this worked out so well, Jake, because you, you were right and they were wrong. You, you shouldn't. Yes.

But you shouldn't chat in a public bathroom. Yeah. I couldn't agree more. That's it. And if you think there's a gray area to that and you go, give me a break. I was just asking them questions about their day while they were taking a shit. I'm going to say this a hundred percent. You're wrong.

That's crazy. We'll have debates on this. You know, somebody called in earlier. They want a big swordfish on their wall. I'm a yay. Gareth is an a right We're gonna debate this one is very clear. If you're on the other side of it You're on a line. Yeah, it's already uncomfortable enough to deal with this at work

It's crazy to turn it into a chat time. So Jake, we're very happy We're just gonna ring the bell on this one without even asking you and what I'm gonna say to end this You've earned it. Thank you. I'm gonna say this for Gareth and myself and Kevin. You're welcome. You're welcome We are here to help and we helped premise of the show realized bingo All right, thank you. Thanks buddy. Thanks, pal. Thanks so much, guys. Have a good one. You too. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson.

And Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt. And the associate producer and editor is AJ McKee. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo. And our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com.

The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D-I-K-E, and if you'd like to see me do standup on the road, go to garethrentz.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at paddyholland2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash yearthohelppod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com.

All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.